Dirty text messages to boyfriend

Life has always been hard for me . I would space out alot from being overwhelmed as a child. The school ended up getting me a psychiatrist at the age of 7 , i was also a hyper kid climbing trees, testing authority & preferred being outside or at a friends house.
My mom had 7 kids so she didn’t really notice me. Anyways recently i reached out for help cus of panic attacks the psychiatrist said i have adhd and should do some more testing. I am now with a specialist. When i told people i was shocked with this diagnosis they said they could tell i always was adhd . I never knew the signs, i just thought i was hard to love or abnormal throughout life.
Anyways i asked my mom about this childhood memory of the psychiatrist at school she said they said i was hyperactive and basically described adhd, i was so mad at her! She never told me and the family always treated me as garbage. I would be blamed for everything and beaten. Which made me act out cause it was never fair.
My moms love is conditional on mothers day i got her flowers and drove an hour to give them to her she kinda just shrugged and said i want money instead. When i got home i cried i realized the love is fake , its only about what i can do for the family.
When i talked to her about my feelings and her never getting me treatment she blamed me for my sisters suicidal thoughts and depression. Said i need to pay for her psychiatrist bills. I hung up . She texted me a whole paragraph about my past ( i was a troubled teen who never wanted to be home) called me a prostitute and said my boyfriend doesnt want to marry me for a reason as of im not valuable .Again blaming me for things my siblings did then blocked me.
My boyfriend said she called him 6 times when he was at work. He called her afterwards and my mom went on saying i dont know why she wont marry you, your a great guy. He said it seemed like she was implying that im using him but he read right through her. He told her im working through my trauma and she needs to love me through it. Then she proceeded to say i dont have ADHD and dont need medication. My boyfriend told her well shes been seeing a specialist and she is on medication. And then that was it. Little me always wanted someone to stand up for me .
Im deeply hurt by my mom . She knew all this time and instead of helping me used it against me in making me feel less than . My punishments were more brutal than my other siblings. She trained my siblings that i was basically possessed and to stay away from me and do the opposite of what i do. I just wanted love from my family but now no love is better than conditional love .

So I was on this friendship app. And I met this guy who was 45 years old. I'm 23 and just move to this big city. My intention of using the app was to meet friends who could show me around the city, and that's what I put in my profile. I'm also struggling with my finances as this is the first time i've ever moved out and my parents aren't helping as much as I would like them too. So we start chatting. And he says that he is a single man who has a daughter and he is a realtor and so I look up his name and He is legit. He has been in business for over 20 years. So a few weeks go by And the conversation gets sexual. We are sending dirty pictures and dirty text messages. A few days ago before we met in person, I looked his name up on facebook and I found out that he was married with a new born baby. So I confront him asking him why he lied about it, and he said that he didn't think that I would have sex with him if I knew he was married. And I told him no, I'm not gonna have sex with you because you're married. He then goes to say that in his 15 years of marriage him and his wife had have have had sex a handful of times and that he has never cheated on his wife, but he's thinking about cheating on his wife because he just can't go without sex any longer. He says he will give me a large sum of money if I had sex with him. So I agreed. He takes me to one of the homes that he's showing and shows me around. And then we start doing the deed. About 20 minutes later I hear a door open as the door's opening, he let's out a loud moan. I hear someone say hello, "anybody in here". So we both scramble to get our clothes back on. And the lady(another realtor)comes into the room, as we're getting our clothes back on and then she leaves abruptly. As we are leaving the house, he gives me a kiss and gives me my money. I get in my car and I look up through the window and I see that the lady saw the exchange of money and the kiss. It's been a few days since that has happened and I as well as he are still shaken up about it. He says he doesn't think that the realtor that came in would say anything or do anything, but he doesn't know for sure. In essence, I'm not risking anything, but he is risking everything. Losing his 15 year marriage to a woman that he claims to love. If this gets out the worst that would happen to me is I would be exposed. But the worst that would happen to him is his entire life would essentially be ruined. He could potentially lose clients, never gain clients in the future, etc. He recently text me saying that he wants to meet again, but either at my house or a hotel. I'm not sure what I'm going to do because the money was great. It was enough to pay for my expensive rent and groceries for the next 2 weeks. He said he's willing to give me the same amount which would then go to pay for medical bills. His reasoning for giving me the money was because he knows that i'm struggling and that he's the only one really willing to help me. Well that's it... That's my confession. I guess leave in the comments what you think do you think. Do you guys think I should meet him again? Or should I just cut it off while I still can and while virtually, nobody knows....

Previous post
I had the call with him today. 5 minutes if talking is utter stupidity to know or assess someone. I take back some of the things that I had written about the guy in my previous post.
Monday evening around 7pm is when the guy and his family visited our house. Around 10 pm, I got a FB request from him. Tuesday around 10 am I had a mail saying someone read my articles on Research gate. The notification showed his face.
He had texted asking for a call, to which I had replied I was having a busy day and that I would text him the time. My work went on till 9 pm and I was with the leadership team, so I couldn't take any calls. I was keeping him informed of the same and that the day has been pretty hectic and probably we would have to shift the phone call to today at around 9.15 pm. He asks if we can talk at 10 pm. I mean seriously. I just told him I had a long day and he still wants to talk?
Cut to today - His message "?". I mean wtf dude. This is a 33 yo PhD guy. Doesn't have the manners to type a proper message. I didn't reply, naturally. He then sends a message "Hello, can we talk?" I told him I have a couple of meetings to attend and post that I'll be free and I'll text him the time. Again messages after half an hour if my meetings are over. At this point I'm losing my cool and also considering his POV since we couldn't talk yesterday. I texted him I'll call soon. He has texted my father asking about my work timings. Wtf seriously. I mean, my parents won't ask twice what my work timings are. And I had informed him very clearly about the nature of my nature which is quite dynamic and we don't have fixed timings, which is why I'd inform him about my free time and if that suits him we could talk.
Then he puts a message saying he's going out after xx.yy pm time and he'd like to have the call before that. So my work timings won't matter but I've to stick to his leisure time? Wow
I called him before the xx.yy pm time. His opening "I've 2 questions. 1. Are you okay to relocate to ABC city? What are your job prospects here? 2. What is your plan when there's pregnancy? What about your job?"
I was surprised to say anything coz usually you make the other person comfortable (goes both ways) before shooting such serious questions. My mind was blank. Aren't you supposed to know the person well enough to ask such questions? Or atleast comfortable enough?
He has zero interest in knowing anything about me. Has no sense how to communicate either via texts/calls. Stalks everywhere on social media. Cribs like a kid to my father. Has no decency to make the woman feel comfortable before asking questions about family and kids.
I had a bit of hope about him looking at his biodata and his height. I don't think I'd want to talk to him again.

Hi guys,
My boyfriend of three years and I broke up for the first time.. of course we did have ups and downs but this is the first time we ever broken up. He left me because he detached himself from the relationship and wanted to stay friends but I couldn’t..
We definitely broke up a week ago and I moved out from the flat we were living in together.
I told him I wasn’t going to message him because I needed time. But he has not reached out not even once… and it hurts because I thought he would message me or something.
Do you think exes come back? Do they reach out or they disappear from your life?

I have a good friend that I have known for over 20 years. He got married 2 years ago and everything has been different since. For context, I am also married and have been for 8 years.
Prior to him getting married, he was always down to hang out. A couple days or even 24 hrs notice, he would be down to go to a game, hit the driving range, explore the city, just hang out. When he started dating his now wife, that changed a little bit (too be expected), but I wasn’t worried about it as he was obviously going to be spending more time with her. As they continued to date, I began to see signs of a relatively controlling relationship. Multiple phone calls and texts asking “where are you” or “when are you going to be home” or “you shouldn’t be spending money on that”, the usual suspects. It got to a point where bro time became “I gotta go she wants me home”, or not having a good time because she was blowing up his phone.
Following the wedding, things definitely got worse and various red flags started to pop up. Text messages or phone calls asking to hang out, while acknowledged, were usually followed by “let me ask her” and then not hearing back for a few days. A follow up would lead to “oh she still needs to check” or something along the lines of a runaround. When I do get a yes, it’s always “can she come” or “can she and a friend come”. Constant texting or checking in if we do hang out.
I’m getting to the point where I feel I need to step in and simply ask “bro, are we good?” followed by “bro, is everything going ok?” I don’t believe I have done anything to jeopardize the friendship and I have been racking my brain for months trying to figure out where it went wrong.
Can someone please help me with this and what to do? I’m not good at this type of stuff. I don’t want him to resent me, because I am starting to seriously resent his wife. I want to approach this gently but at the same time make sure he is OK.

So this is my first time posting and I think I’m just looking more for a way to write about how I am feeling and get some of these emotions out. I’m not sure how all this works so here we go.
Back in January I started dating this guy ( Let’s call him JW ) anyways things were honestly amazing from the start. I felt like I had found my better half and someone that made me feel complete. He always made me smile and treated me like a Queen. Which honestly was a nice change of pace because I was previously married and my ex-husband was less than kind.
So things moved pretty quick, fast than I anticipated. We even started talking about a future and marriage which I fully realized that we were in the Honeymoon phase. That honestly that kind of when things started to unravel. JW made a comment about us being in the “honeymoon phase “ and I swear it seems like right after that things started to come undone.
So flash forward to a couple weeks later and I happen to come across a bottle of medicine and being Dr. Google over here I searched it up and it came up being for Herpes. So I took a breath and went to him and asked him to explain what is was/ why he had it.
He told me that he had a “scare” 2 years ago with an ex and his doctor put him on it proactively. He said when it came back negative he stopped talking it and he had just forgotten to throw away the bottle. Based on the age of the Rx in my (love sick head) it made sense at the moment.
Flash forward about 2 weeks and we’re at the weekend after Valentines Day 2024. In my mind he did it really well. He was out of town on work ( and no there was 0% chance being out of town was cheating - just FYI )
So he sent me flowers and called and texted he made me feel so loved. No man had ever made me feel so special. Anyways once he got back in town he came over to my house. I had spent literally the whole day making a surprise dinner us . After dinner we exchanged gifts and it was all really sweet.
I could tell something was weighing on his mind and I asked what was up? He said we needed to talk. And I instantly started to worry. I sat beside him and he told me he loved me very much but that he had lied to me. I was like Say What? and he went on to explain that he was ashamed but that when I originally asked if he had Herpes he was embarrassed and didn’t want to say. I was definitely in shock.
A lot of emotions happened from there, I was definitely upset he lied but I also understood where he was coming from. It’s not like you walk up and shake there hand and then be like OHHHH BTW I have Herpes. So I get the nerves, what I was upset about was him lying about it. My ex-husband was a narcissist compulsive liar and that was definitely not something I was going to put up with again.
So where I messed things up got our relationship and looking back now I know that If I ever had the chance to go back and fix things the first thing I would do is NOT Do the following. So after JW told me about the medical condition I was upset, my mind was going at a million miles an hour. He asked that until we figured things out, let’s keep our business, our business.
Well my parents happen to live next door to me and my mom had been calling me wanting to see the necklace that JW got me for Valentine’s Day. So I stepped away and went to show my mom. She could see that I was upset about something and I BLABBED pretty much everything. I did exactly what he asked me not to do. But honestly I was hurt and I really wasn’t thinking about His feelings in that moment. I was reacting.
Looking back now I have definitely learned there is some stuff you keep your business, at least until you figure it out.
So by me telling my mom about his condition she got this mental image of Him that he was somehow a bad person, I believe it was mostly about the lie and him lying in NO Way Ok, he had plenty of opportunities to fess up. Before we ever got intimate in any manner shape or form I asked him are you sure you don’t have anything (std/sti’s) and every time he always said No.
So now that I gave you the introduction to things…
JW and I ended up breaking up, but it wasn’t because we didn’t love each other. I loved his man like Crazy and I was willing to look past the medical condition. In my mind and heart I felt like he was my person . Anyways the reason that we ultimately broke up was my mother. As much as I love here she drives me b@sh1t crazy at times. (We are also a lot alike so we tend to butt heads ) my mom basically gave me an ultimatum that it was her or Him and I couldn’t have both. And seeing as how I’ve always had a close relationship with my parents and I do live next door I ended up caving after almost a week of hard core fighting with my mom and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I broke up with JW.
That was so painful and sickening and I didn’t want to do it but I felt like if I didn’t I would lose my relationship with my mother and possibly even my father, it was too much stress.
Flash forward about a month and I haven’t spoken with JW but I get a message from his mom on FB asking me some questions about him. It was kind of strange but I went with it. I got this ominous feeling like something bad was going on. I asked what happened and she said he had passed away. ****WHAT?!?!?!?!????******
I was just thinking about him last night, I hadn’t stopped thinking about him and or loving him . I was just literally stuck between a rock and a hard(headed mother) . I still snuggle under the blanket every night that smells like him.
So the night before I found out he had passed I actually thought about reaching out. I thought maybe if I give things a little time my mom will cool down. I really wanted everything to play out perfectly. But at the point it was already far too late, he was gone.
JW was only in his late 20s and died from a massive heart attack, it still isn’t real. My heart is so broken and I don’t know what to do or how to deal with all of this.
How do you get over something like this?
I know there are a bunch of different facets to things here but this is what I’ve been living the past couple months.

I’m sharing this because I really wanna know what You would do in my place, whether I did the right thing and can I be mad at my friend
English isn’t my first language, sorry for any mistakes (kinda long text? mentions of selfharm, SA) I hope I explained my situation clearly. If any points are unclear, ask me
Today, my friend sent a photo of selfharm on Telegram in the morning, but they didn't write anything else (it was just a photo) and we didn’t communicate for several weeks. I was slightly confused when I saw the photo, even though they could have just sent photos of their sh in the middle of our conversation many times earlier and I always tried to comfort them. But I think what they did today is too much. They said to me that they have bipolar disorder and I understand that in this way, people with mental illnesses want to receive support
However, when I wanted to get support from him, as I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma, which I wrote to him about on another messenger a several weeks ago, he read my messages and did not respond. Besides, he did not congratulate me on my birthday, which was the day before yesterday, but he remembers the date exactly I think? since a few months ago he asked me about it. (Ok I know that’s a dumb reason to be resent but still that a little bit hurt me, also I bought them ps5 because they asked me to buy it for them many times so I did it, though I was saving money for a gift for myself)
Generally we've been friends for 3 years and he was a very good person and I love them as a friend, but about 6 months he's been acting weird, for example, he joked about sex when i told them that i was almost sa’d and he could made jokes about my insecurities. I told my friends about them and they said that I should to stop communicating with them, as their behavior seemed very annoying to them. But I don’t blame them for their disorder because they are most likely just having a manic period
Although I still decided to message him that his sudden photo of sh made me feel uncomfortable. In response, he messaged “Ok” and cleared the chat for both (that means the chat is cleared for me too) and blocked me. I regret that I messaged to him about this, as I still appreciated our friendship, because earlier they really was the sweetest friend who always lifted my mood. I want to apologize to them but I can't get in touch with them in any way :(

Gf has a bartending job at a dive bar. I notice a name popping up on her phone and I got a weird feeling in my stomach. Went and looked through her messages with him and saw that she gave this customer her number. The guy was pushing the agenda trying to get her to get a drink with him on several occasions. She would come up with excuses as to why she couldn’t but I have a boyfriend was not one of them. One text I saw from her that rubbed me the wrong way was “I was thinking about you”. Might be plain ignorance on my end I don’t believe she is cheating on me.
When I talked to her about the situation she explained guys a big tipper. Ever since she started texting him it went from 40 to 50 bucks to 100. I understand where she is coming from but as her boyfriend I’m not a fan of this at all. Truthfully I don’t think she should be giving her number out to those guys to begin with yet alone entertain this guy who is so obviously trying to get with her. When she’s behind the bar she can flirt and do what she has to do I understand that but once it comes to texting and getting a drink with a customer that’s a line crossed in my opinion. She claims over the weekend she’s gonna tell him he needs to stop and I truly want to believe her but based on past relationships I have a hard time trusting sometimes. If I see the name pop up again how do I approach the situation? Do I ask to see the conversation and if she’s secretive about it what would y’all do?

We R both same age, and we R best friends now for 6 years. Anyways things changed, we go to different schools bla bla bla... So here's the thing, so lately Ive been avoiding social interactions and stuff, and you know I been talking to my best friend, but the relationship between us feels off, I feel like I'm talking to an robot when I try to have a normal conversation. Ok I'll admit my friend kinda sucks communicating with messages, it's more of a social type of person and extravert. So I've been kinda ignoring the text messages, but I do feel bad and guilty, but overall I believe that we won't have a very interesting conversation, it will be the same messages all over again, like we don't have anything else to say. Obviously they do things in life but they won't just tell me or anything, same with me, our convos just end up on read and that's all. Am I toxic for avoiding my best friend, my parents say it's wrong, because I'll have noone to hangout. In addition I always was a loner and had bad socialising skills thats why I don't have a lot of friends. I would appreciate your opinion this👋

Hey guys!! Been a fan for a long time, I love watching the show! Never really catch your lives because its night here, but I watch it the next day, however long those are, also love the comments and the engagement this community has!
So, I am in a mooooood today, and I feel like sharing my week, mostly because I recieved some texts I feel like should be read and made fun of (sorry if that sounds mean)
I am an anthropologist (29f) doing my doctorate and I have been doing fieldwork, which means i meet a lot of people, and I ask them to introduce me to other people. Due to the context i am working on, this means i meet a lot of older males (i work with fishing communities). they are usually very nice, very sweet and respectful, treat me as a daughter or grandaughter even, some add me on facebook. I have gotten close over the years with some, especially a 87 year old friend whom i call frequently just to check up on him, just as an example
two weeks ago i met this fisherman (48M) who i created a good friendship with, we became close, and he asked for my number so we can arrange lunch with his dad. great! Also it became clear from the beginning that this person is very in need to chat. Which is great since i am a quiet person, but we are talking full monologues. Almost never did this person ask something about me, or if he did he would interrupt. Which is fine, i dont give many details unless i am asked. this might sound weird but it is important to establish trust. Last week i spent my whole week in the field. The conversation also evolved to him complaining about his marriage, since the wife is drunk. I said something about being a clear pattern since his mother was also an alcoholic and he now thinks im some sort of psyquiatrist, even called me late at night one day to complain she was drunk. I should not have picked up the phone, I know
So a few months ago i was invited from a foreign university to attend a writting retreat with other academics, financed by this university, which is a great opportunity. I even sold my taylor swift eras tour concert because i decided to attend this retreat and had my plane tickets already
BUT MY VISA WAS DENIED. and i am now pissed at life and trying to figure it out. also this weekend had a funeral for another fisher friend who was 73 , so i havent been in the right headspace maybe thats why i am making this crazier than it is, you'll be the judge
This fisher (48M) was with me when i got the visa email last week, so that situation in my life he knows about
But i am teaching a class tomorrow, and dealing with this visa thing so I haven't been to the field this week (today is wednesday). And i got these texts from the fisher (i am going to translate them AND KEEPING THE DOTS)
Keep in mind he texted me something about drinking tea and i ignored him because it was sunday and he got mad btw. these were send yesterday
"May i know whats up with you? hello..." (didnt respond) "I just missed you... You havent said anything....thats all.... oh well....I guess i got used to you..... you're right.... forget it... it's fine... kiss"
my response: "you're right? forget it?" what? I am working
"You're right...... im sorry.... I thought about you 500 times today, and I know how you must be busy and worried... but i thought you might want to talk to be.... get it off your chest... I was wrong... its fine... I won't bother you....take care..."
I MEAN WHAT sounds like a 15 year old insecure boyfriend, this man has a wife and two kids and hasnt met me longer than two weeks
and the dots, wtf
I will start focusing on other people on my friendwork, this is crazy
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest and wish me luck with... well, life

Alright so me (18M) and my ex (18F) had been together for a year and a half. We recently broke up (15th April) and started texting again (28th April). The first time we talked we asked each other if we seeked another person's attention and if we talked romantically with them. I responded with "no" because i really didn't seek anyone's attention and when i asked her the same thing she said, as well, "no". Today I looked through her instagram messages because someone was mean to her and i wanted to curse the hell out of him. By mistake, I saw a chat with a person that I didn't know about and discovered the fact that she was talking to him since we broke up. In fact, if we were in a relationship it would be considered cheating because there were nsfw things like teasing. The last nsfw message was on 3rd may and she said she was desperately seeking attention and that she didn't mean to talk to him. I, indeed, talked to that person and he confirmed the fact she was distancing herself from the situation they had. I am really confused and I don't know what decision to make. Should I be staying or should I leave? Is it just a desperate attempt of seeking attention and finding "love" when I wasn't there? Honestly I am 50/50 about this one and I feel like it is not that deep. At the same time the fact she didn't come clean makes the situation more difficult. What is your opinion? Should I stay? Edit: We talked about our relationship in that period of time (3rd may) and we came to a conclusion to give each other another chance and to try and repair and sort things out

I had the biggest crush on this guy since 2018 but I never confessed. In 2020 he dated his ex so I was forced to cut contact and I moved on.
I dated my ex from May 2021, he got cheated on in December 2021, I got cheated on in December 2022. I reconnected with him in March 2023, fell for him again, confessed in June 2023.
He confessed that he liked me in 2018, but he moved on in 2019 because he thought I didn't like him back. We fell for each other but didn't make it official though we acted like a couple because I was healing and I was honest about it. I started wanting commitment by February 2024.
In April 2024 he confessed that he had feelings for his girl bestfriend throughout 2022 because she was there for him after his breakup. However I wasn't comfortable as he didn't give me commitment because of him healing from her, he didn't confess it earlier.
Today we had our first date (meeting for the first time, when we were friends we never met each other), we were being all cuddly and I saw a text message from the girl bestfriend he claimed that he blocked. She said "How was the date?" . Then he told me that his friends told her we went on a date. I saw her text and it crushed me. I have been cheated on before and I need a lot of reassurance and emotional security or I won't handle it well. I cried about it to him and he immediately blocked her.
I was very self conscious because I'm skinny, he made me feel so loved, he asked me out!!!
He paid for the date, he travelled a long way (12 hours) to meet me, he dropped me, he was sick, he did everything, and then this. Also he's been putting in a lot of effort since July 2023.
It's finally an official relationship. I'm having a lot of fixed feelings. It's been 20 minutes after the date and I smell like him. He gave me a little flower and I kept it in my diary to dry it up for the memories. I gave him a handwritten letter and brought him a brownie.

I'm alone. All my life I've been able to make friends. But I always lose them, in third grade, I lost my two best friends because they switched schools and we just fell out of touch, in fifth grade I lost all my friends except for three, though this was also because of them moving, I made more friends in sixth grade and we remained friends for a good while. Freshman year my best friend from kindergarten and I stopped talking, she texted me one day saying that she didn't actually like me, and she never wanted to talk to me again. That hurt a lot, I got over it in about eight months and eventually was able to stop thinking about her everyday, and seeing her at school didn't bother me as much.
February the next year came, one year since my previous best friend and I stopped talking, maybe it got in my head, and I had been starting to feel suffocated by my current best friend at the time, I loved her, but she kept hurting me by not acknowledging my presence when we were in groups, no matter how hard I tried to contribute to the conversation, she kept leaving me and I just wanted a break from feeling like I was nothing to her. I just wanted some space. But I totally went about it in the wrong way. I picked a fight for no reason and said some awful things that I regret with every fiber of my being. At first, we stopped talking for a couple weeks, and I made two new friends, but soon after my best friend sent me an email telling me everything that was wrong with me, overbearing, pushy, and more I can't remember well, and I agree with her now, I've grown a lot and if she had said those thing recently, I could have come to terms with what she was saying, the things she pointed out were valid points that I should have looked into more, but I got defensive, this was when I thought she didn't want to be friends anymore because it sounded like she hated so many things about me... then what was there to like?
She had texted me a night before and said that she wanted to talk to me, with a specific teacher as a mediator, I refused, I am a very very private person and I do not like to share my feelings with anyone I'm not used to being around, and I wasn't yet familiar with this teacher. I told my friend that if she really didn't want to be friends anymore, that I would respect her decision. I was trying to protect myself, trying to make sure I broke it off before she did, I hate that my brain went there immediately. I wish I had tried to fight for her. She screamed at me while I sat there in a sort of calm daze, which completely gave off the impression that I didn't care... but I cared so much, she told me that I was self-sabotaging and was throwing away something that hadn't gone bad, she was screaming so loud, a teacher came in and told he she was disrupting classes, she was escorted out of the room and I heard her crying, and as soon as she left the room I burst out in tears too.
Our mutual friends, which was only two people, but they were my only other friends, stopped talking to me, and only hung out with her, but we were never on bad terms. I am beginning to resent them though. We stopped talking completely and soon summer vacation came. My cat died, I moved out of my narcissistic mother's house to my Dad's house, and his girlfriend accused me of stealing money, which I didn't, but my father took her side anyway and the entire time I was there they kept trying to blame things on me, and continuously scorned me for being antisocial, so eventually I moved out again when my father and I got in a huge fight, and I haven't talked to him since. I worked 80 hour weeks during the summer at two jobs, trying to keep my mind off my friend, my dad, and stay away from my mom, but it was okay because I had three friends who were from Mongolia, and two friends who were from Turkey working the same exact hours as me. But near the end of the summer, my two Turkish friends and I decided to plan a trip to go to Florida, I asked my mom and after some convincing she finally agreed, we got plane tickets, booked hotels, got car rental stuff, but the night before I left, my mom told me I wasn't allowed to go anymore, she has done this multiple times, but not of this magnitude, I told her that we had already paid for everything, but she told me that if I left, she would call the cops on me.
So I texted my Turkish friends and I told them what happened, but they wouldn't believe me... they blamed me and said "did you tell your mom?" I told them that I did, but they swore that I was lying, they told everyone, including my three Mongolian friends, so in the last month that my foreign friends were in the country, they all hated me, treated me terribly, constantly gave me dirty looks, and were scornful. It broke my heart, especially because they were so kind before, if I can make the kindest person hate me... then what kind of monster am I?
Finally, I came back to school, and it was so much harder than I thought it would be, seeing her everyday, happy with her friends while I sat there, alone and in misery, I had a couple friends, but they weren't in many of my classes. I was able to hold out for so long. One day I just couldn't take it anymore. I just completely gave up, seeing her was too much to bear, she didn't care about me anymore, I didn't have any close friends, just people who wouldn't really care if I lived or died. Everyday was a struggle. I stopped going to school, stopped going to work, and just curled up in my bed and decided that I had enough. I was on a course to graduate that year, a whole year early which got screwed up as well, ruining my chances of doing so.
I skipped work for almost three weeks, but I eventually came back because my boss said she missed me and reassured me that no body was mad. I haven't been to school in about two months, I don't know how I could go back anymore, it would be humiliating... like, what would I say? What if people asked questions? I'd just come off as so pathetic. I've ruined my life, I have little chance of a diploma, and no chance if I don't go back, I've been labeled as "truancy" or whatever. I was also supposed to go to Spain and Italy for a school trip, but I wasn't able to go because of my lack of attendance, so I ended up wasting 4,000 dollars.
My two friends that I made after my last best friend and I broke up called the cops on me because she thought I was going to kill myself, and I was so mad and embarrassed I cried the whole way to the hospital with my mom in the car and was able to go back home after some tests, after I got home, I went off on them, I was so so upset, and I honestly still am, I know they were only doing what they thought best, but I told her that I didn't want to talk to her until she would apologize, because all she kept saying was "I'm sorry you feel that way" so I told her to stop apologizing for how I felt, and apologize for what she did. She didn't, so I told her that I wasn't going to talk to her until she apologized. And the other friend who was in on it too, I texted her angrily and she said "womp womp" I immediately blocked her, I was so mad, words cannot describe my level of fury at that moment. It wasn't funny, that was not the time for jokes.
I have no friends, only my narcissistic mother, I don't even have a father anymore, my oldest sister isn't in contact with him either, for a different reason... I've just been working, and trying not to think. But I can't take it anymore. Have I really screwed everything up? Is my life worth anything anymore? Friendship is dead. Family is overrated, and I have never been able to keep a friend, I do not want the pain of loosing another one, I have people who I enjoy being around, I have coworkers, I have my sisters, and I have two people I hang out with sometimes, but really, none of them are my friends. I never want to make another friend, I refuse, I know they consider me their friends, but if I put a real label on it, it'll hurt too much when they leave and begin to hate me. What do I do? Am I destined for failure? Why do I always end up alone? Not only does everyone hate me, but I'm hating myself more and more by the passing day. I don't know what to do... can somebody, anybody help me? I'm just so lost.

My whole life i have lied about things big and small but ive never had any intentions behind lying, such as to manipulate people or to get attention ect.. (this might be a long read but it’s all important info)
It started of as small things like in elementary school we were watching a video about professional bastekballers, i lied and said one of them was my cousin. I didn’t do it to get attention i just did and i don’t know why. (Obviously no one believed me)
One time in elementary, i was scratched by my dog and sent a picture of it to my friend saying “My dog scratched me” but in those quotes, implying that i SH. (It looked like if u scratch urself w ur fingernail) they obviously got very upset and our friendship ended,,not before me messaging her on PINTEREST apologising. I don’t know why i did that i just did it without any thoughts of “i shouldn’t send this” it was just impulsive/reflex. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then i started to lie more frequently e.g., if someone asked me a question like “ Have you ever done..{insert topic},or have u ever watched {insert topic}” i would respond w a lie. Those are just examples because i can’t remember every single lie i’ve told especially small ones. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As i’ve gotten older, i’m 19 now. I’ve lied about more extreme things.
I can’t remember much of my childhood, only “core” memories that randomly pop up in my mind; but i don’t have a concept of time w these memories,, idk how old i was when they happened. if i see a picture or if someone in my family mentions a story i can then remember it but only with the detail they provide.
For some background information, i have been verbally abused by my mother and she has suffered with depression and ‘manic??’ episodes my whole life.
When i was younger our relationship was very bad (still is) and we would get into yelling matches almost every day. These were me being yelled at for doing normal things a CHILD would do such as, sleeping in on accident, forgetting to bring something to school ect. And practically any chance she would get to have an argument with me.
She would scream things like “Your worthless, your useless , your a b*tch and ungrateful child, your fucked in the head” ect. She would say things along those lines to me almost every day for several years of my life. I couldn’t give you an age timeline as i can’t remember how old i was when it started happening.
I also have an older brother who’s always have a good relationship w my mum, she only treats me like this (i’m austisic and i’ve been told that’s why we “clash”) My mum was physically abused as a child and homeless around my age. She definitely hasn’t “healed” from it and still doesn’t know how to regulate her emotions and communicate effectively. My dad excuses her behaviour when i try to talk about how it has affected me by saying “it’s the depression, or the way her childhood was and she tries to be better!, she regrets what she says to me and loves me so much” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now to probably the worst lie i’ve told. I need to tell some background info tho for it to make sense! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It all happened when i was on 🍃 and at a park with a group of people,, two of my close friends, let’s call them G & B, G’s boyfriend J. 4 guys friends w J including K who G worked with and i was “close with” for 6 months. i will try not to go into lots of detail bcoz if i did this post would be super long.
K was very manipulative towards me, well that is what my two friends G & B would tell me. I could provide screenshots of me and K’s conversations but i won’t, to protect privacy. Me and B hung out with K a few times to sesh and i would talk to K frequently on snap mostly about mental health related things.
He let me vent and explain how i felt and would give me advice as he was older, more experienced and struggled himself. I had a crush on him, he didn’t like me back but we stayed friends.
I discovered i didn’t actually like him and it was just Limerance. We had lots of arguments i can’t remember what about bcoz there was so many. One i remember was he dropped my friend B because she had BPD like him but “didn’t try to manage herself”; not related to that, i started to feel a sense of “hatred” towards B and the way they treated me as a friend in certain situations. I would complain abt them to K often and K would tell me to drop B. i did this while i was still best friends with B.
Me and B’ friendship almost ended because K told them to like get a grip and manage their BPD and treat me better. I liked to B and told them “i’ve never told K anything bad abt them only abt one situation which i’m over and i told u i told K. “ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Summary of it all i’m no longer friends w K and no one ik has been for a good 7-8 months. I will include some “quotes” they said to me in one our last convo (there was another situation after this but if i include it’ll be too long) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “I know that to you, you genuinely think all of the stuff you said was happening is, that's how mental illness works cos i was the same” ; “This is so funny that you think it's somehow my responsibility to control your emotions and attachments”
“You just expect me to cut u off and somehow manage ur attachment for you, you need to manage ur own attachments” ; “You usually accuse me of things unjustly but i've done that to ppl before when i was your age so i understood” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After some thought i realise that K might’ve been right about me and my friends were (partially) wrong abt him being manipulative and a bad person. Yes they’ve seen the texts and conversations and the quotes above.
It’s eating at me that i acted this way towards K because it’s embarrassing.
I have to end this story here because it’ll get to long even tho i want to include it all!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Back to the park. We were all talking abt life events that have happened to us and i told everyone there that i “had a huge secret ive never told anyone”.
“When i was a young child my dad told my mum to get bread out of the freezer to defrost and then make my sandwich for school. When my dad had left my mum complained and started yelling at me because I’m old enough to make my own goddam food. It got heated and she threw the loaf of bread at this glass cabinet i was next to, the glass shattered everywhere and cut my foot. i started to cry and scream, which made her angrier. She picked up a shard and tried to un*live me.” i won’t go into detail of the last bit of the lie i said.
Now this did actually happen apart form the very last bit. When i was telling this lie i didn’t have any intentions behind making it up. It just all came to me and out of my mouth as i was saying it,, kinda like i was read a book and just continuing to read.
I understand that this isn’t something to be lied about. I knew i was lying when i said it/after. I cannot tell people that it is a lie especially because i am still friends with G & B. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Last week i had a conversation with B about it as i mentioned i think i want to start going to therapy.
My reason for wanting to start therapy (this isn’t the only reason why i want to go and not the only time i’ve considered it) was that i got so annoyed by something my mum had done i was thinking everything would be better if she was just 💀. And how i went spiraling wondering if i was a psychopath for thinking/imagining me doing it.
My friend told me that im not a psychopath because i wouldn’t m*rder my mother cold blooded and have no remorse. And something along the lines of she hasn’t done anything to drive me to do that. I brought up the “Incident” (the lie) and B asked me to say what happened again because they forgot.
I told it in the same detail as i did to them before but i said “it’s kinda uncomfortable to type” they said it’s okay i don’t have to ( keep in mind my friend has experienced very traumatic things and wouldn’t get uncomfortable with hearing) and you saying that it’s uncomfortable proves ur not a psychopath.
It wasn’t uncomfortable for me to say, i felt awkward because i knew i was lying again. I know that no one “normal” lies about things like this.
I most of the lies i’ve told especially this one because i have to live with this now for the rest of my life. Telling my friends the truth is not an option, i don’t know how they would react and i would end up with no friends, isolated and excluded from society around me. Maybe that is what i deserve because I’ve lied abt something so horrible and intricately aswell.
I’ve also lied about being SA, i have never falsely accused anyone. I told the lie without saying the “person” who did it because i “didn’t know”. I regret doing this and if i could go back and somehow pause the part of my brain that wires me to lie i would.
I don’t think i’m a psychopath, i have empathy for others,,atleast i think it do?? I tell my friends and family that i love them and display affection towards people. I’ve been in multiple romantic situationships but never a proper relationship.
The idea of cuddling with a partner, talking to them every day and doing lovey dovey couples stuff makes me uncomfortable and i would be awkward doing so.
I’ve always had to question if i actually liked/loved someone as i know the definition of loving someone and how it’s shown but i don’t know if i feel it. I don’t know how to tell if i feel love or how to tell if i like someone romantically.
I do have autism which can be linked with a lack of empathy. Now that i think about it i can’t tell if I’m empathetic. My dad had skin cancer and had to have reconstruction surgery for it, i didn’t feel sad at the possibility of him dying or from seeing him in the hospital bed.
When we visited him my other family members were crying or very emotional. It’s not that i wished he had cancer and died i just didn’t feel any sort of emotion toward it.
My best-friends, i love them dearly? if either of them died i would definitely be sad, but I’m not sure if my “feeling sad” is the “normal” like if they passed away i would miss them giving me advice, conversations, moments and hangouts together and the fact we couldn’t make anymore memories.
I feel a deep connection with animals and love to be in their presence. although when i was very young after seeing my mum always kick, punch or push my pets for their “bad behaviour “ when my cat broke something in my room i attempted to str*ngle it. I regret that deeply and would never do that ever again. Ever. If i had to chose between never doing that and erasing my existence i would.
I guess what i’m asking is if anyone who has similar experience of lying without knowing why or if anyone has any advice on what i should do please help!
I understand a therapist would be good to tell this all too but i am afraid of the consequences/admitting i lied about horrible things. I know that im a horrible person for doing this, i dont think better of myself for lying.
i would do absolutely anything to go back and have never told a lie.
If anyone can help me i would really appreciate it and definitely implement strategies to become a better person and hopefully never lie again.
If anyone has an idea of whats “Wrong with me” please share, be harsh, be honest, be mean if you want to. If there is “something wrong with me” i will definitely try to get professional help when i can or is there a much harder way to resolve “myself” on my own.

so i am 99.9% of going through with this plan and willing to take the risk. i have had a crush on this guy since the beginning of uni and i fell for him pretty badly. i feel like i can't let go and he needs to know my feelings no matter the outcome. we havent spoken in a while bcoz he was going through something etc etc. I texted him but he didnt reply, probs going through the same thing so i am leaving it. i am not being clingy or weird or annoying. i am giving him space which is what he needs. in the mean time, i have written a long letter to him expressing my feelings towards him. it's about 10 pages long. my plan is to message him again, exactly 2 months after i messaged him before (in april) and act casual, just ask him to hang out or something. if he doesnt reply or leaves me on read again. then i plan to go with my friend to brick lane. i mean in general i have some things to shop for there but i plan on giving this letter to him because he works in brick lane. i am technically 100% certain and i know i am taking a huge risk but i a willing to do it. life is too short and he has to know. i REALLY like him tho.
i'm not expecting him to read it there and then. it needs to be done privately and when he is alone and i have clarified that on the envelope.
a good idea???

TLDR: I'm trying to get my ex girlfriend back who has BPD, but shes ignoring me.
I'll cut to the main problem at hand; My ex was seeing someone else (their ex from December-January) about a few months ago even though I told them I wanted to wait and process my past relationships that I had before being with them so I can be a better healed person for them. This broke my heart, and so here I am.
For a while she was ignoring me but still had me in contact. One time she blocked me then unblocked me, which confused me.
One time I noticed she was offline for the entire day so I decided to give her a call and she picked up, but she couldn't talk so she texted while I spoke. She asked if I was "talking to any cute girls lately" and as well she dropped a few complaints about her ex-now-boyfriend, saying she felt like he was purposely ignoring her. She told me she wished she knew me in person (LDR btw) and how she wanted a shoulder to cry on and she wanted me to hug her and hold her, as well as saying how she told her boyfriend she was sad and he didn't acknowledge it, showing a screenshot of the guy actually not saying anything about her being sad when she explicitly said "im sad" (what a fuckin prick.). She explained the block before was that she was hiding me from her ex-now-boyfriend and he didn't like how she would stay in contact with me. She wanted us to sleep in call together but eventually changed her mind saying how "I deserve to be alone, its what he wants". I didn't want to disrespect her decision and let her rest. We had a good weekend together but eventually her energy for me fizzled out and she stopped responding again for weeks. I tried calling her a few times one day and she ended up blocking me.
I contacted her on an alternative account and she ended up accepting my friend request and we talked. She asked me again if I had a girlfriend which I said no and asked why I was "obsessed" with her. I explained how I love her company, that I like her as a person, and how she's nice to be around, in which she replied with "whatever". So I asked if she would be comfortable staying in contact with me again in which she said no, and I asked if we could talk about it and she said "not now", so I gave her space.
Ex-now-ex-again and her broke up, and I tried to contact her about it telling her I would be there if she needed support. I wasn't pushing anything romantic on her but instead reinforcing the idea of comfort and support. I reached out saying "Hey (name), can we talk for a minute? You don't have to if you'd like." (added the second second to avoid applying pressure) in which she ended up blocking me again, and here we are.
What's going on with her? Do I still have a chance of getting her back? I know how to handle this, I've known her for foir years now and so I'm prepared for her ups and downs with BPD, but what should I do now?
I've talked to an AI relationship coach (I can't afford one nor can I even buy one at the moment) and it suggested a "two week rule"; where I give her space for two weeks and attempt to reach out again. If she doesn't respond or blocks me again, give her another two weeks. It says it will make her feel like I'm not abandoning her while giving her the space she needs. Is that effective?

Hi! I'm looking to rate any part of you you want to share. :-) It could be something as benign as your smile and eyes, to anything as dirty as you'd like; your breasts, your pussy, your underwear... Send me a message! I'll give you a rating and a detailed explanation why.

I'm alone. All my life I've been able to make friends. But I always lose them, in third grade, I lost my two best friends because they switched schools and we just fell out of touch, in fifth grade I lost all my friends except for three, though this was also because of them moving, I made more friends in sixth grade and we remained friends for a good while. Freshman year my best friend from kindergarten and I stopped talking, she texted me one day saying that she didn't actually like me, and she never wanted to talk to me again. That hurt a lot, I got over it in about eight months and eventually was able to stop thinking about her everyday, and seeing her at school didn't bother me as much.
February the next year came, one year since my previous best friend and I stopped talking, maybe it got in my head, and I had been starting to feel suffocated by my current best friend at the time, I loved her, but she kept hurting me by not acknowledging my presence when we were in groups, no matter how hard I tried to contribute to the conversation, she kept leaving me and I just wanted a break from feeling like I was nothing to her. I just wanted some space. But I totally went about it in the wrong way. I picked a fight for no reason and said some awful things that I regret with every fiber of my being. At first, we stopped talking for a couple weeks, and I made two new friends, but soon after my best friend sent me an email telling me everything that was wrong with me, overbearing, pushy, and more I can't remember well, and I agree with her now, I've grown a lot and if she had said those thing recently, I could have come to terms with what she was saying, the things she pointed out were valid points that I should have looked into more, but I got defensive, this was when I thought she didn't want to be friends anymore because it sounded like she hated so many things about me... then what was there to like?
She had texted me a night before and said that she wanted to talk to me, with a specific teacher as a mediator, I refused, I am a very very private person and I do not like to share my feelings with anyone I'm not used to being around, and I wasn't yet familiar with this teacher. I told my friend that if she really didn't want to be friends anymore, that I would respect her decision. I was trying to protect myself, trying to make sure I broke it off before she did, I hate that my brain went there immediately. I wish I had tried to fight for her. She screamed at me while I sat there in a sort of calm daze, which completely gave off the impression that I didn't care... but I cared so much, she told me that I was self-sabotaging and was throwing away something that hadn't gone bad, she was screaming so loud, a teacher came in and told he she was disrupting classes, she was escorted out of the room and I heard her crying, and as soon as she left the room I burst out in tears too.
Our mutual friends, which was only two people, but they were my only other friends, stopped talking to me, and only hung out with her, but we were never on bad terms. I am beginning to resent them though. We stopped talking completely and soon summer vacation came. My cat died, I moved out of my narcissistic mother's house to my Dad's house, and his girlfriend accused me of stealing money, which I didn't, but my father took her side anyway and the entire time I was there they kept trying to blame things on me, and continuously scorned me for being antisocial, so eventually I moved out again when my father and I got in a huge fight, and I haven't talked to him since. I worked 80 hour weeks during the summer at two jobs, trying to keep my mind off my friend, my dad, and stay away from my mom, but it was okay because I had three friends who were from Mongolia, and two friends who were from Turkey working the same exact hours as me. But near the end of the summer, my two Turkish friends and I decided to plan a trip to go to Florida, I asked my mom and after some convincing she finally agreed, we got plane tickets, booked hotels, got car rental stuff, but the night before I left, my mom told me I wasn't allowed to go anymore, she has done this multiple times, but not of this magnitude, I told her that we had already paid for everything, but she told me that if I left, she would call the cops on me.
So I texted my Turkish friends and I told them what happened, but they wouldn't believe me... they blamed me and said "did you tell your mom?" I told them that I did, but they swore that I was lying, they told everyone, including my three Mongolian friends, so in the last month that my foreign friends were in the country, they all hated me, treated me terribly, constantly gave me dirty looks, and were scornful. It broke my heart, especially because they were so kind before, if I can make the kindest person hate me... then what kind of monster am I?
Finally, I came back to school, and it was so much harder than I thought it would be, seeing her everyday, happy with her friends while I sat there, alone and in misery, I had a couple friends, but they weren't in many of my classes. I was able to hold out for so long. One day I just couldn't take it anymore. I just completely gave up, seeing her was too much to bear, she didn't care about me anymore, I didn't have any close friends, just people who wouldn't really care if I lived or died. Everyday was a struggle. I stopped going to school, stopped going to work, and just curled up in my bed and decided that I had enough. I was on a course to graduate that year, a whole year early which got screwed up as well, ruining my chances of doing so.
I skipped work for almost three weeks, but I eventually came back because my boss said she missed me and reassured me that no body was mad. I haven't been to school in about two months, I don't know how I could go back anymore, it would be humiliating... like, what would I say? What if people asked questions? I'd just come off as so pathetic. I've ruined my life, I have little chance of a diploma, and no chance if I don't go back, I've been labeled as "truancy" or whatever. I was also supposed to go to Spain and Italy for a school trip, but I wasn't able to go because of my lack of attendance, so I ended up wasting 4,000 dollars.
My two friends that I made after my last best friend and I broke up called the cops on me because she thought I was going to kill myself, and I was so mad and embarrassed I cried the whole way to the hospital with my mom in the car and was able to go back home after some tests, after I got home, I went off on them, I was so so upset, and I honestly still am, I know they were only doing what they thought best, but I told her that I didn't want to talk to her until she would apologize, because all she kept saying was "I'm sorry you feel that way" so I told her to stop apologizing for how I felt, and apologize for what she did. She didn't, so I told her that I wasn't going to talk to her until she apologized. And the other friend who was in on it too, I texted her angrily and she said "womp womp" I immediately blocked her, I was so mad, words cannot describe my level of fury at that moment. It wasn't funny, that was not the time for jokes.
I have no friends, only my narcissistic mother, I don't even have a father anymore, my oldest sister isn't in contact with him either, for a different reason... I've just been working, and trying not to think. But I can't take it anymore. Have I really screwed everything up? Is my life worth anything anymore? Friendship is dead. Family is overrated, and I have never been able to keep a friend, I do not want the pain of loosing another one, I have people who I enjoy being around, I have coworkers, I have my sisters, and I have two people I hang out with sometimes, but really, none of them are my friends. I never want to make another friend, I refuse, I know they consider me their friends, but if I put a real label on it, it'll hurt too much when they leave and begin to hate me. What do I do? Am I destined for failure? Why do I always end up alone? Not only does everyone hate me, but I'm hating myself more and more by the passing day. I don't know what to do... can somebody, anybody help me? I'm just so lost.

I'm walking through a bustling underground train station. I push and shove my way through all the other commuters onto the platform. As I look around, there seems to be endless rows of platforms in both directions, stretching well into a dense fog. Further ahead, neat lines of railway tracks extend out from the fog and through the platforms. I instinctually look up at the info screen
Next train in ### minutes
I furrow my brow, squint to try and focus on the numbers but they're heavily pixelated and illegible. I look around at the other commuters, who stream onto the platform completely unaware of the anomaly. Most people are on their phone, or wearing headphones while some are talking to each other. No one seems to notice the malfunction with the screen.
That's when the absurdity of the situation clicks for me. Endless platforms, a wall of fog, unreadable numbers and people that don't care. It's all a dream. I bring my hand up to my face and pinch my nose, trying to breathe through it. An old reality check I remembered from back when I was trying to learn to lucid dream.
My heart rate jumped when I realised, that I couldn't breathe through my nose. Before I could even process this, another problem presented itself. I didn't know why I was here. I didn't know where I was going and I definitely did not know how I even got here. It seems as if reality ceased to exist right before I walked onto this platform. Just like it typically feels in a dream, you spawn in out of nowhere and don't really know what happened prior - except this wasn't a dream.
I knew I was sure of it because deep inside my bones I felt this anxious urgent message. I need to catch this train. It was a primal feeling.
At this point, my head is spinning and I need to sit down somewhere. I choose a silver bench with a middle aged woman sitting on it. She shuffles further to the left as I sit down next to her clutching my head and racking my brain to try and figure out what it is happening. This is what amnesia feels like, I thought to my self as I gnawed at scraps of messy muddled memories. Each image that came into my mind was just a fragment - A school, a library, sickeningly white walls. It hit me that I didn't even know my name. I was starting to hyperventilate but then my body kicked into autopilot. I started to take deep breaths, focusing on my diaphragm and calming myself down. It felt like I was trained to do this. I started to focus on the current situation.
Where was my ticket? Instinctually, I knew I had to have gotten one on my entry to the train station. I reached into my pockets and pulled out a scrap of paper. Scrawled in very familiar cursive:
*In case of memory loss, read the journal in your backpack*
Strange message but I didn't have any choice then to at least give the instructions a try. I removed my backpack and rummaged through it for the journal. I wouldn't really call it a backpack - more a tattered and frayed bundle of cloth that was reminiscent of a backpack. I finally found a series of small thick journals, bundled in cloth with their leather covers on the verge of disintegration. The pages still seemed in good condition though. Each cover was sequentially labelled which I'm guessing corresponded to the chronological order of the writings within.
The lady next to me was weirdly getting agitated. She kept stealing glances, her body shaking and eyes burning with a fierce rage. I slowly got up from the bench and began to step backwards. My backpack bumped into a pillar. The dull thud it made seemed to cause a drastic change to everyone around me though. They all snapped their heads, locking eyes on me and staring through my very soul. I felt exposed.
The rumble of an arriving train stole away their attention and within a split second everyone was ignoring me again, going back to their usual activities. It seriously felt like I had just imagined it and it was becoming more and more clear that I was having some sort of mental breakdown. Nevertheless, as the train slowed to a stop on the platform, I walked into it and found a seat. The train seemed to be old and new at the same time. Typical blue seats with abstract dirty patterns complete with a modern sleek interior of gentle curves clashing with a boxy dull metallic exterior and doors that looked like they belonged on a rusty submarine.
I opened the first of the journals and began to read. I soon realised that the handwriting was mine and within the next few moments I was attacked by a barrage of memories that had remained repressed and buried in the back of my mind.
*
My name is Jacob and I have been stuck here in this place called *The Limbo* for an eternity. When I say 'eternity', I don't mean it lightly. Back when I used to keep track I counted over 500 years through my wristwatch that never seemed to run out of battery. Now I know counting is meaningless. There have been periods like this where my mind falls into a deep trance and I lose my whole identity as I mindlessly wander in this place much like the entities that inhabit it. Occasional periods of lucidity breach this trance and then I find myself lost and confused. It's why I keep the journals with me. I think its some sort of psychological survival mechanism that human brains develop when faced with the infinite vastness of The Limbo.
Speaking of The Limbo, I've come to learn a few things about its nature through my stay here. Some of its been through people that I've come across (Yes others are also stuck here) and some has been through my own experiences. Perhaps the most important is the question of where I get my food and water. The answer is weird. I have never felt hungry or thirsty. The sensation of having cool water slide down my throat remains a memory so distant that it feels like the snippet of a childhood dream.
I guess the next natural topic about this place would be time. Through various experiences of mine (that you'll get to read about) and discussions with others, the leading theory of mine is that The Limbo exists outside of time itself. While I myself have fallen here sometime during 2001, I've met many others from various years like the 80s, 90s and even one recent fellow from 2043.
Most people in The Limbo eventually fall into a trance, withering away until they become one of the entities or become mere tools for them. It's probably naive but I keep going through this place with only two hopes. The first is to somehow get out of here at the right time point and see my son, who I never got to see. The second is to come out of this place and die so that I no longer have to live out the empty agony of eternity (I'll explain how you can't age or die in The Limbo later). Perhaps my hopes will dwindle as the centuries pile and I will become just like those who I look upon in pity now.
I am writing this consolidated diary of my experiences for several reasons. I'd like someone to know of my unending journey in this place. To be aware of the capacity of the human spirit to keep going in the worst of situations. I have never had a long term friend in The Limbo, but know that I consider you the reader a dear friend even if I never get to meet you because you will know my story. I'm also sharing this in hopes that there is more awareness of The Limbo. Perhaps the military and scientists can actually figure out what it is. Perhaps all of us can be brought home. Or maybe this can serve as a survival guide to those who may be unfortunate enough to fall through.
There are small holes in The Limbo. Most of them are barely large enough for a pinkie finger to fit in let alone a person, but sometimes I've come across one large enough for this journal to go through. I'm not sure what time or place these holes lead to, so the safe passage of this book into a person capable of reading it has about the same chances as me ever leaving this place.
The train I'm on supposedly leads to the edge of The Limbo, where the holes are large enough for humans to fit through. It's really more of a legend amongst the poor souls that are trapped here and I've followed trails and clues for a long time to even find this train.
There are only two ways this goes. Both outcomes would lead to you reading this book in your hands. I'll either find my way out of this hell or give up hope and slip this journal through a Hole. You will find my fate at the end.
I should stop rambling now though. It would be best to start at the very beginning.
*
I was rushing out of work in pure ecstasy. My wife had gone into labor while I was at work and been rushed to hospital. I needed to get there fast. People were glancing over at me over their cubicles in confusion as I packed up my work bag and rushed out to the elevators. I couldn't stop thinking about seeing my first son as the elevator made its way down. The elevator doors finally opened and I rushed out.
The ground entrance of the building I worked at, particularly near the lobby, is an intersection of various hallways. I was already walking to close to the wall when someone came rushing around the corner and bumped me right into the wall. I was only able to hear half their apology when I fell *through* the wall like it was just a holographic projection. In hindsight, I find it oddly funny how easy it is for a life to get ruined. Just when you think you've got it all, when everything is going smoothly, a small incident like that is enough to take it all away.
I found myself in a room that resembled a classroom. It looked as if someone who had never stepped inside a classroom was asked to imagine the space. Desks were arranged in messy uneven rows with the chairs facing various directions. The board at the front of the room was a seamless patchy mixture of both chalk and modern whiteboard and mounted way too low on the wall, nearly hugging the floor. A large teachers desk sat in the front of the room. The walls were filled with posters of absolute gibberish along with diagrams and pictures that seemed like they showed something tangible but no matter how close you looked you could never identify anything in the picture.
The initial confusion was replaced by an immense panic. My heart was drumming against my chest as I searched the room for a doorway to exit it. My mind was trying to rationalise the situation. I was trying to convince myself that this was just some old part of the building and I had fallen into a hallway instead of the wall.
I ran through the doorway at the far end of the room and found myself in a large hallway that seemed to extend forever in both directions. The walls were a muted grey and the floors were that typical dirty linoleum. Soon I would find out that the regularly spaced doorways on either side of the hall led to other nonsensical classrooms.
I ran down the hallway screaming for help in pure panic, which was a terrible mistake in hindsight. I stopped running down the hallway when I suddenly heard the distinct scratch of chalk against board. In this large empty space, the sound echoed and boomed. Since I was still refusing to buy in to the reality of the situation, my hopes were momentarily increased by the supposed presence of another person here.
I slowly walked over to the doorway that the sounds were coming from. My stomach filled with an uneasy dread. This deep primal instinct within me urged me to hold back. I peeked carefully in the classroom and saw a woman with their back turned to me drawing something on the chalkboard.
It took me a few moments to notice that it was a very realistic portrait of my face.
She was drawing lines across my throat, her long dark hair swaying as she drew in the details. The drawing was completed with a terrible slash across the throat, blood gurgling out. I was frozen in place, transfixed on the hauntingly beautiful realism of the picture.
She began to turn around slowly while humming a high pitched tune. To this day I can't describe the face I saw. It is still etched into my mind. A face full of so much hatred, so much anger that I don't think its possible for a human to make that face. It expressed an emotion beyond human understanding. No artist in the world could ever render the expression on the paper. No words could describe the pure fear that coursed through my veins as she stared at me and began to approach.
I turned around to run, only to realise that a bunch of school children had gathered around me. They were headless, the bleeding stumps dripping thick blood onto the floor in a rhythmic patter. Somehow they were laughing.
I shoved through the group and ran down the hallway. I wasn't sure where I was going. My whole world had shattered and now I was completely aimless in some nonsense dimension with horrors beyond imagination that wanted me dead.
*
The extract above is from this journal I found at the foot of a large tree on a hiking trail. It's a miracle that I spotted its faded leather cover given that it was almost buried under rotting leaves. I really don't know what to make of what I'm reading, so I'll be slowly transcribing bits of it in separate posts over the next few days.
I know this subreddit is good for this sort of stuff. I'd love if someone else could share anything they know about The Limbo. This whole journal feels like some sort of prank, but the words and memories within feel way too real.
I can't help but feel a connection to this story. My mum doesn't speak much of my Dad, who I know left before I was born. No one ever found out where he went.
I was born in 2001
X

Hey all, I'm hoping you all might be able to help me convince my mom to change her cumbersome method of banking / cell phone service in her unique living situation (retired & caring for aging parents in Europe). If there's a better subreddit for this question, that'd be helpful to know, too!
Mom's living situation in a given year typically looks like 6 months in Germany, 2 months in Spain, 2 months in Thailand, 2 months in USA.
Before retiring, she lived in the USA, where she had a long-standing Verizon account. Her Verizon/USA phone number is still tied to her Wells Fargo bank accounts, which require sending text message for 2-factor authentication.
She insists on keeping her Verizon account in order to receive those 2FA texts. She keeps her phone number on my plan, which Verizon allows me to suspend for $10/mo. When she visits the states, she re-activates her line to use while in the US.
This current setup really doesn't work - she's not able to conduct her banking, and switches SIM cards for every country she visits.
I have to imagine there's a better way. Any suggestions?
And yes... this might be the cause of my early grey hairs :P

Recently my boyfriend started a new job he leaves months at a time to another state. I recently read a dm from a female co worker of his of asking him to come to her room. He said it was she saved him food but,dudes makes 30 an hour he can afford food. He's only home for a week so I told him I thought it was inappropriate especially for the girl to invite him to her room and then took keep messaging him after she was let go to see if he was back home yet or still there?

To start off, english is not my native language, so sorry if there's any misspelling.
Since september, I have had some problemas with my boyfriend because of our friends, I felt really left out and they never invited me to anything. I felt pretty bad because I'm not studying right now so I can't make any friends to hang out while he's out, I tried to stay at home but I really felt bad because they didn't want me there. They did some type of things that would make me uncomfortable, like one of them leaving when they heard I was coming, smoking weed while I was there, going to abandoned places late at night where I didn't feel secure.
That was going on since September, Christmas was crazy because I couldn't even get to see my bf or even my friends (my bf and me are in the same friendgroup, and his ex is also in that friendgroup), so at march I decide to just talk to all of them. Friday 1 of March, I decide to try to talk to them, my boyfriend knows about this and that same day he gets mad with me, I didn't knew why but he talked to me in a way I felt uncomfortable. I asked him to talk face to face and everything calma down a bit, but he said something that I didn't understand: He said he "Couldn't handle commitment", but he said it in a way I didn't suspect that much.
At the end of that day, I couldn't talk to them because they smoked and I didn't felt confortable talking with someone in that state. My boyfriend and I stayed talking a bit and we said we could spend the next day together. Now, 2 of March, he again gets mad at me and I don't know why, he said to me somethings that really hurt me but I asked him again to talk it in person so we could talk it out. Now, when I thought the conversación had ended, he said he was thinking again of "her" as he used to do. My mind was blown, I started to cry and I couldn't touch him, I was in such shock I thought I was going to vomit and almost did. A lot of things happened, I was so frustated I kept asking him "Do you like her?" and he kept saying he didn't. Even my mom calles me, thinking I was calmed down, asking if we wanted hot chocolate, and even tho he knew how I was at that moment he acted so calm that it just made me more angry.
At the end, I just hugged him and cried with him, telling him it was normal and that it would pass, I didn't tell anybody, I only told my long distante friend because I really needed help. The rest of the day was horrifying, I just cried while he made me dinner, ate what my stomach could bare and kept making questions, to him and to myself, saying like "Is this my fault?", "Do you still love me?", "She's better than me at everything", "Is this going to work?", and everything I said to, he said what I wanted to hear.
3 of March. I woke up with a pressure in my chest I had never felt, I slept about 6 hours, and I just ignored everything that happened to keep me sane. I called my long distante friend to help me calm down, and textos my bf as per usual. He started to talk again as he did all those days, I just asked him to stop, he was talking in a way I could tell that he just wanted to break up. (Something I didn't clarify, I was so scared that this was going to happen, that while he was making me dinner I told him that is he left me he could make out with anyone at any time and that he could break up with me per text, just because I knew this could happen) So I just told him "So do you wanna break up with me?", at what of course, he said yes.
He kept messaging me saying "no no no no", "I didn't want to destroy you in that way", "I'm so sorry". He called me about three times, the first one I couldn't answer because I was carlinga my mom to tell her because I didn't knew how to react. While I was emailing my therapist for help, he texted me he was going to my house. I told my mom and my sister all that happened before he arrived so they knew what happened with his ex.
When he came, I didn't knew how to act, I kept asking him all this type of questions about me or her or us, things like if he cared about out relathionship, or when did he started to feel things about her again. He answered sincerely to everything, which I'm glad, but I think I shouldn't have asked so much. So that day we broke up, I didn't knew how to tell my friends so I tweeted it in my private account, I told everyone so they could understand that even tho I broke up with him, I still wanted to be in the friendgroup and that I needed their support at that moment.
The next week was horrible, I couldn't eat, my period was so late I thought I was pregnant and had to take a pregnancy test, everything was going really bad. I had two sesions with my therapist, but they didn't help as I thought they would. I kept textil him every three or four hours, I didn't knew in who to rely on at that momento. The 6 of March, he decided to tell her his feeling, in which she had the same reaction as me because we didn't espect it. The 8 of March I decided to meet with all my friendgroup without my bf, me and his ex talked until it was really late, and when I came home I saw some messages from him, I answered him and we talked about a lot of things, about how I thought he maybe had a psychotic break because a lot of his friends were affected because of this thing, and he finally said it, he said that he still loved me and I didn't knew how to react.
Since then I tried to keep it as friends, we met some days after that and we talked about it, he wanted to be really near me but I tried not to. I still try to be carefull with what I do and I'm scared that our friends get angry with us or even, if we get together again. It's May and he still wants to be with me, a lot of his friends are still angry with him and now with me because I forgave him. It's really long and I tried to make it as short as posible, but I really need someone to just hear how it is affecting me and help me out.
If something isn't clear or someone doesn't understand, I apreciate it that you comment it so I can clarify :)