It's been a long time since I had anyone I was close with. Lost a lot of people I loved and maybe even that feeling altogether too. Recently I've been pouring all my time into writing in the hopes that it will carry legacy and all that. Never planned or wanted to be a writer but I've been doing it for ten years now so there's that I suppose. Got pretty good I might add. Wrote a few poems recently (Not normally my thing). I'm just feeling pretty weird recently. Not my normal self maybe. Feel like I deserve something more than this but not sure. Feel pretty isolated. It would be nice to meet some people and I prefer voice calls rather than messaging, it's just better.
Besides being a writer, I'm a pretty creative person. I enjoy art, music of many different kinds, history, dreams. I also like to collect stuff, mainly historical weapons and some figures from when I was young. I'm very open as well. I also don't mind talking with people who don't share my interests. I find that often I get along with people that are my opposite anyway. Really I just want to connect with someone again, something even slightly meaningful would be good for my life I think, cause right now the only thing I love is me. And that's good. But it's hard to explain. As I said I feel weird. If you read this far you are something special so I appreciate that. If you would like to call please message with a bit about yourself like I did. I will most likely ignore short/low effort messages or if it seems like you just read the title and not the actual post because a lot of people seem to do that. Thanks!

The history of tarot is a fascinating journey that spans centuries and traverses various cultures. The origins of tarot cards can be traced back to 15th-century Italy, where they emerged as playing cards. The initial purpose of these decks was purely recreational, serving as a game known as "tarocchi" or "triumphi."

1. Early Playing Cards (15th Century):
   
   • Origin: Tarot cards likely originated in northern Italy in the early 15th century. The oldest surviving complete deck is the "Visconti-Sforza" deck, dating back to the 1440s.
   • Function: Originally used for games, tarot decks were adorned with symbolic imagery, including allegorical illustrations and trump cards.
2. Tarot in France (Late 15th Century):
   
   • Migration: Tarot cards crossed into France in the late 15th century, and the game evolved with the addition of the 22 trump cards, known as the Major Arcana.
   • Symbolism: The Major Arcana introduced iconic characters and archetypal symbols, enhancing the cards' allegorical significance.
3. Occult Associations (18th Century):
   
   • Esoteric Interest: In the 18th century, interest in the occult and mystical arts surged in Europe. Tarot cards gained esoteric significance, with scholars attributing hidden meanings to the cards beyond their gaming purpose.
   • Etteilla: The French occultist Etteilla published influential tarot interpretations, contributing to the transformation of tarot into a tool for divination and self-discovery.
4. The Rider-Waite-Smith Deck (Early 20th Century):
   
   • Revolutionary Design: In 1909, A.E. Waite and Pamela Colman Smith collaborated on the Rider-Waite-Smith deck, featuring vivid illustrations and intricate symbolism. This deck became immensely popular and served as the foundation for many modern tarot decks.
   • Divinatory Focus: The Rider-Waite-Smith deck emphasized the mystical and divinatory aspects of tarot, influencing the widespread adoption of tarot for spiritual and introspective purposes.
5. Tarot in the New Age Movement (20th Century Onward):
   
   • Popularization: The mid-20th century witnessed a surge in interest in mysticism, the occult, and alternative spiritual practices. Tarot cards gained popularity within the New Age movement, becoming a tool for self-reflection, divination, and personal growth.
   • Diverse Decks: The latter half of the 20th century saw the creation of diverse tarot decks, each with unique themes and interpretations, catering to different spiritual traditions and personal preferences.
6. Modern Tarot Practices (21st Century):
   
   • Global Appeal: Tarot has transcended cultural boundaries and gained a global following. The internet has played a significant role in disseminating tarot knowledge, making it accessible to a diverse audience.
   • Integration with Psychology: Many practitioners view tarot through a psychological lens, using the cards as a tool for introspection, therapy, and personal development.

The historical evolution of tarot reflects its transformation from a simple deck of playing cards to a versatile tool for divination, self-exploration, and spiritual guidance. Today, tarot continues to captivate individuals worldwide, offering a unique blend of ancient symbolism and contemporary relevance.

1. Diverse Tarot Systems and Cultural Influences:
   
   • Cultural Adaptations: Tarot has adapted to various cultural contexts, leading to the creation of decks that draw inspiration from different mythologies, traditions, and artistic styles.
   • Themed Decks: Modern tarot enthusiasts can explore decks inspired by Norse mythology, Celtic traditions, Eastern philosophies, and more, allowing for a rich diversity of interpretations and connections.
2. Tarot and Popular Culture:
   
   • Media Exposure: Tarot has found its way into mainstream media, with references in literature, movies, and television series. This exposure has contributed to its widespread recognition and acceptance.
   • Creative Interpretations: Popular culture has inspired artists and creators to produce tarot decks with themes ranging from fantasy and science fiction to contemporary pop culture references, showcasing the adaptability of tarot symbolism.
3. Tarot in Digital Age:
   
   • Online Platforms: The digital age has transformed tarot readings, making them accessible through online platforms and mobile apps. Virtual tarot readings and communities provide a global forum for discussion and learning.
   • Digital Decks: Tarot decks are now available in digital formats, enabling users to explore and engage with the cards through virtual platforms, expanding the reach of tarot practices.
4. Tarot as a Personalized Tool:
   
   • Self-Expression: Many individuals now create their own tarot decks, infusing personal symbols, experiences, and artistic styles into the cards. This personalized approach enhances the connection between the user and the cards.
   • Intuitive Reading: Modern tarot practices often emphasize intuitive reading, encouraging users to trust their instincts and personal interpretations rather than relying strictly on traditional meanings.
5. Scientific and Skeptical Perspectives:
   
   • Psychology and Tarot: Some psychologists view tarot as a projective tool that can tap into the unconscious mind, offering insights into one's thoughts and emotions.
   • Skepticism and Tarot: Skeptics often approach tarot from a psychological or statistical standpoint, exploring the phenomenon through the lens of cognitive biases and the placebo effect.
6. Tarot Communities and Education:
   
   • Learning Resources: The availability of books, online courses, and workshops has contributed to the education and skill development of tarot practitioners. This has empowered individuals to deepen their understanding of tarot symbolism and interpretation.
   • Community Engagement: Tarot communities, both online and offline, provide platforms for sharing experiences, seeking guidance, and fostering a sense of community among practitioners.

As tarot continues to evolve, its rich history merges with contemporary influences, shaping a dynamic and diverse landscape. Whether embraced for spiritual guidance, artistic expression, or personal insight, tarot remains a versatile and enduring tool that resonates with individuals on their unique journeys of self-discovery.

1. Tarot Ethics and Professionalization:
   
   • Code of Ethics: In modern tarot practices, professional readers often adhere to ethical guidelines. These guidelines emphasize confidentiality, client empowerment, and responsible use of divination tools.
   • Certification and Training: Some tarot practitioners pursue formal training and certification programs to enhance their skills and professionalism, contributing to the recognition of tarot reading as a legitimate and ethical practice.
2. Scientific Research on Tarot:
   
   • Psychological Studies: While scientific research on tarot is limited, some studies explore the psychological aspects of tarot reading. Research has investigated how individuals interpret symbols, engage in reflective thinking, and experience a sense of empowerment through tarot readings.
   • Cognitive Science Perspectives: Tarot's intersection with cognitive science has led to examinations of how the mind processes symbolic information and the impact of belief systems on perception.
3. Tarot and Intersectionality:
   
   • Inclusivity: Tarot communities increasingly emphasize inclusivity, recognizing the importance of diverse perspectives, cultures, and identities. Decks that reflect a broader range of experiences and backgrounds contribute to a more inclusive tarot landscape.
   • Intersectional Readings: Practitioners may integrate intersectionality into their readings, acknowledging the complexity of individual identities and experiences within a broader social context.
4. Tarot's Influence on Art and Literature:
   
   • Literary Works: Tarot symbolism has inspired numerous works of literature, poetry, and art. Authors and artists often incorporate tarot themes to explore psychological, spiritual, and philosophical concepts.
   • Tarot in Visual Arts: Tarot continues to be a muse for visual artists, with contemporary artworks reimagining and interpreting the traditional tarot archetypes in new and innovative ways.
5. Tarot and Holistic Wellness:
   
   • Mind-Body-Spirit Connection: Tarot is increasingly integrated into holistic wellness practices that emphasize the interconnectedness of mind, body, and spirit. It complements approaches like meditation, mindfulness, and energy healing.
   • Wellness Retreats and Workshops: Wellness retreats and workshops may incorporate tarot as a tool for self-reflection, personal growth, and stress reduction, aligning with the broader holistic wellness movement.
6. Tarot and Technology Integration:
   
   • Mobile Apps and Online Platforms: Technology has facilitated the accessibility of tarot through mobile apps and online platforms, offering virtual readings, digital decks, and interactive tarot experiences.
   • Augmented Reality and Virtual Reality: Emerging technologies like augmented reality (AR) and virtual reality (VR) have the potential to transform tarot experiences, providing immersive and interactive readings.

The ongoing evolution of tarot reflects its adaptability to societal changes, technological advancements, and a growing understanding of its psychological and symbolic dimensions. As it continues to weave through various aspects of contemporary life, tarot remains a dynamic and versatile tool with enduring relevance.

1. Tarot and Social Media:
   
   • Online Communities: Social media platforms, such as Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube, have become hubs for tarot enthusiasts. Tarot readers share daily card pulls, interpretations, and create educational content, fostering a vibrant online community.
   • Global Connections: Social media has facilitated global connections among tarot practitioners, allowing for the exchange of diverse perspectives, interpretations, and deck recommendations.
2. Tarot in Mental Health Practices:
   
   • Therapeutic Applications: Some mental health professionals incorporate tarot into therapeutic practices, using it as a tool for self-reflection, exploration of emotions, and promoting therapeutic dialogue.
   • Mindfulness and Coping: Tarot readings can be used as a mindfulness practice, helping individuals cultivate self-awareness and coping strategies for managing stress, anxiety, and mental health challenges.
3. Tarot's Evolving Symbolism:
   
   • Living Symbolism: Tarot symbolism is not static; it evolves over time. Modern tarot decks often reinterpret traditional symbols to reflect contemporary values, ensuring that the cards remain relevant and resonant with current cultural contexts.
   • Innovative Decks: Artists continue to create innovative tarot decks that explore diverse themes, introducing new symbols and archetypes that speak to a wide range of experiences.
4. Tarot and Ritual Practices:
   
   • Ritualistic Use: Tarot is incorporated into various ritual practices, from simple daily card pulls to more elaborate ceremonies. These rituals can serve as a form of meditation, intention-setting, or connection with spiritual energies.
   • Seasonal Celebrations: Some practitioners align tarot practices with seasonal changes, using specific spreads or decks to explore themes associated with the solstices, equinoxes, and other significant astrological events.
5. Tarot and Gender Representation:
   
   • Expanding Archetypes: Modern tarot decks often challenge traditional gender roles and expand archetypal representations. Decks may feature diverse gender identities and expressions, offering a more inclusive and fluid understanding of the archetypal energies within the cards.
   • Feminist Tarot: Some decks explicitly adopt feminist perspectives, reimagining traditional tarot symbolism to empower and celebrate the diverse experiences of individuals across the gender spectrum.
6. Tarot as Literary Inspiration:
   
   • Literary Works and Tarot: Tarot continues to inspire literary works, with novels, poems, and plays incorporating tarot themes and archetypes. Authors explore the psychological and symbolic depths of tarot, infusing their narratives with mystical and esoteric elements.
   • Narrative Exploration: Tarot's narrative potential serves as a source of inspiration for storytellers, offering a structure that mirrors the hero's journey or provides a framework for exploring characters' internal and external conflicts.

The dynamic interplay between tarot and contemporary culture reveals its enduring appeal and adaptability. From social media platforms to therapeutic practices, tarot remains a versatile tool that resonates with individuals seeking insight, connection, and personal growth in an ever-changing world.
In conclusion, the history and evolution of tarot reflect its remarkable journey from humble playing cards to a multifaceted tool deeply embedded in modern culture. As tarot continues to weave its way through diverse aspects of society, from online communities to therapeutic practices, its enduring relevance lies in its adaptability, symbolism, and capacity to inspire self-discovery.
From the mysterious origins of the 15th century to its current role as a global phenomenon, tarot has transcended cultural and historical boundaries. As it integrates with technology, influences art and literature, and finds new applications in mental health and wellness, tarot remains a dynamic force that resonates with those seeking spiritual insights, artistic expression, and personal transformation.
Whether approached through a psychological lens, as a form of self-reflection, or as part of broader cultural movements, tarot's journey reflects the human quest for meaning, connection, and the exploration of the inner self. Its rich tapestry of symbolism continues to captivate individuals across the globe, making tarot a timeless and ever-evolving companion on the diverse paths of human experience.

Me and this girl had been dating around 2 months, we weren't official but had discussed that we would consider seeing anyone else cheating at this point. She had told me how much she loves me though poems and long paragraphs and I had said I love you back at this point.
We both happened to go on a night out drinking on the same night she was worried about 2 girls that were part of the friendship group who are no problem at all and both have boyfriends (I had told her they were coming and didn't speak to them to keep her peace of mind) her friend group bumped into ours and made a scene about the girls and she was very stressed and I tried my best to calm her down. We then offered her to stay with us or go with her fake friends who had spread rumors about the girls to stress her out.
I dont see her again and as I'm going home I get a call from her crying saying I love you. Immediately I knew something was up. I texted her after that call I feel like something has happened I would much rather you tell the truth than lie. I said have you not kissed someone or something and she lied saying why would I kiss someone what made you think that.
So the next morning she was off and I knew it so I told her I know she's hiding something and after some pressure from me she admitted she had been kissed by another guy, she was very drunk the last time I saw her, she claimed she pulled away at this point and didn't kiss him back,. I message the boy who kissed her he messages me mockingly saying my girls tounge was down his throat he said they kissed twice and it was about 10 seconds this boy is known to like winding people up but he also said it seemed like a mix of emotions, and that she really does love me. She was apparently upset because I didn't pick up one of her calls whilst I was dancing at karaoke.
Before I had messaged this boy she had messaged him saying please don't tell him and such and when she did tell me she tried to convince me not to message him as she said he was laughing at her and he will try to flip her on me.
Long story short I spend the whole day gathering information. One of her friends just said they kissed and when i asked for more details about the kiss they didn't answer another said it was a peck for 2 seconds.
But I went to see her and asked to see her phone and her messages with her friends consisted of her her saying to her friends how I can't know the truth and her friends exhaling how they can lie to me and she had been calling me horrible names to her friends as she was apparently angry with me for trying to get the truth as I was talking about the situation all day to her. One of her friends said does he know you kissed him back, another was saying I told him the truth but the truth we both know, there was loads of conflicting things in the messages and I didn't get a chance to read them all but when I asked to look at her phone again she said no and wouldn't let me.
After all this she said she doesn't know if she kissed him back and if she did it wasn't a proper kiss with tounge. She hadn't told be but she did now he had kissed her a second time apparently on the cheek and this was after the boy who kissed her had been saying bad things about me like I ain't a real man and she said she was defending me apparently and this is when she said he kissed her again. Also she said she was crying after this and he was sat next to her wiping her tears. I saw a video she was extremely sad. And the
Way the first kiss happened was he put his arm around her as she was crying over me not picking up the call and then kissed her.
I am very confused I feel like I'm being manipulated her friends are known to be promiscuous but this girl isn't she was crying with guilt today and she was very very drunk but I don't know what to belive she orchestrated the best ways to lie to me and I don't know what to belive. She said she lied to me because she said she knew I would get angry and it would be over but this isn't the case.
Can I get an outside perspective of what you think really happened and what I should do? Thanks if you'd like more information I can give it to you

When I was in high school, we read a poem/short story by a black female author where she described spending one day a year completely alone. She talks about staying home from work, disconnecting her landline, and walking around her city by herself. That's pretty much all I can remember, and I think the purpose of the story is to share the importance of connecting with your inner-self. But I could be wrong.

"How to Tell the Truth" by Preston Perry is a poetry collection that delves into themes of identity, faith, love, and social justice. Perry's poems are raw, honest, and deeply personal, exploring his experiences as a black man in America, his struggles with faith, and his journey towards self-acceptance and understanding. The collection is praised for its powerful imagery, lyrical language, and emotional depth. Perry's poems are thought-provoking and relatable, offering readers a glimpse into his innermost thoughts and feelings. Overall, "How to Tell the Truth" is a compelling and impactful collection that encourages readers to confront difficult truths and embrace their authentic selves.
Listen for free at link in sidebar

Intro:

This design came about while planning a mobile weather station, which developed into an emergency/survival deployment tool.
I gave it the tongue-in-cheek name "ARK-io" (Apocalypse Repository of Knowledge - input / output).

Concept:

A device that can be deployed easily in an emergency scenario with readily available DC power sources (battery from camotorcycle/tractolantern/cordless tools, etc.) with the capabilities to:

• scan for active radio transmissions in typical emergency and amateur communication bands
• collect and monitor meteorological data for imminent local weather changes
• directly receive and decode NOAA satellite data/imagery for regional weather prediction
• host other available devices on a small Local Area Network
• serve a library of reference material (survival, medical, engineering resources)
• provide network analysis capabilities

Key Components:

• Raspberry Pi 3B
• SDR wide band RF receiver (HF/VHF/UHF)
• GPS/GLONASS module
• Atmospheric sensors module (Air pressure/temp/humidity)
• 5-port 10/100Mbit eth switch (stripped)
• 4-port USB hub (stripped)
• voltmeteammeter
• audio amplifier + 3W speaker
• Kali Linux operating system

Power:

I wanted the unit to be as flexible as practical in terms of power input sources, and also be configurable to optimize consumption.
Input can range safely from 6V to 22V DC, with three means of providing power.

• external power provided via 5.5mm barrel jack
• external power provided via terminal connections (e.g. jumper cables from a vehicle, or twisted wire leads)
• temporary internal power provided by three 18650 Li-Ion cells (in series).

Power consumption can be monitored via the voltmeteammeter, and adjusted via hardware switches for the major components. The network switch, two ventilation fans, GPS module, and environment monitor display can each be toggled off individually. Power to the external speaker can also be disconnected via a dummy plug in the 1/4" switching audio jack.

Housing:

The unit is housed in an affordable composite ammunition box, with a custom 3D-printed frame for the components. The box has a rubber seal, making it weather resistant when closed.
User input is provided via a slim USB keyboard mounted in the lid of the container with silicone overlay, as well as 4" touch screen.

Antennae:

A female SMA connector is exposed on the face of the deck, allowing various antennae to be connected. I use two main types, depending on application:

• short "rubber ducky" style handheld antenna for local communications
• custom 120-degree dipole antenna for NOAA satellite feeds.

If anyone is interested in seeing more of my lab, I've posted here: https://www.reddit.com/battlestations/comments/s3qh7z/the_cabin_setup_only/

ive always been the lover girl type. i dont seek for unnecessary attention, never chased love, never even looked or waited for it. but i always knew how i wanted to be loved.
i always dreamed of how i’ll be receiving affection chronologically—being friends w me, confess in person w proper wordings, ask if i’d want to be wooed, write me letters everyday during the yrs of courtship, and after a minimum of 2 yrs of courtship, i’d be asked either in a restaurant or intimately inside a room arranged romantically for my answer if i can be their gf.
but like everyone else, i had forgotten all of those when i met my now gf. it made me bitter and sad for a short while, but it was covered w so much enthusiasm being w my gf.
after what happened in 2022, i regret putting my dreams aside. how i wasnt asked out properly, even left me confused bc of a conflict against my friend. how i js let go of my first kiss in a bakery, in a public setting. i always thought i’d have my first kiss w a city lights view, or anyth romantic. i didnt regret any of those before 2022.
it’s almost 2 yrs that ive been trying to work out my writing skills again. whenever i write, i always feel empty. my words have become more repetitive and cliche than how they originally were. i dont feel the excitement of writing abt someone or for someone anymore. it feels forced. it doesnt feel like me.
and as much as i feel the numbness of not being able to write poems anymore, it also hurts at the same time. everyday i realize that i let someone hold the fire in me w/o thinking the risk of them putting it out. which they did yrs later. now im empty.

Chapter 9
Location: On the Road to the Citadel. Outside Tulla Hold
POV: Orfantal
Tulla Hold is built in a cliffside and is massive. Haral tells Orfantal that Lady Hish is not here, so they don't have to go inside, which is good, because Orfantal's horse would not make the climb. Instead they camp. Orfantal does not share the captain's view of his horse. Orfantal thinks his horse is strong and will take him all the way to Kharkanas. Gripp notices the gate to the hold opening. Orfantal creates another fantasy where he gets kidnapped by bandits, but through cleverness becomes the bandit king until he is betrayed. Breaking him out of his reverie, Gripp tells him there is a highborn in a carriage coming out of the hold. About the same age as Orfantal. When they arrive they bring food and supplies as is the Tulla tradition. The young noble is Sukul Ankhadu, sister of Sharenas. Orfantal asks if she is a hostage like him. Haral tells him lesser families only exchange hostages with their equals. Tulla is of the Greater Families in court. Orfantal thanks Sukul for the food and supplies and she responds that he definitely didn't learn his manners from his grandmother who showed no honor to Urusander's Legion. Orfantal apologizes for his grandmother and Sukul who is touched by his words, says, "Should the need arise in your life for an ally, you may call upon Sukul Ankhadu." She beckons him to join her at a campfire. Orfantal imagines they will be great friends, but vaguely in the future awaits their betrayer.
Orfantal is dismayed that Gripp and the others left the two nobles to their own fire. While in their company he had begun to think there was no difference between them in regards to class. He was one of them. But now the division was obvious and he was reminded of the rules of behavior that made no sense and kept people apart. Sukul asks Orfantal to tell her about himself, saying that she knows about his grandmother and thought their line dried out. She says he must have come from far away. Orfantal knows the story he is supposed to tell when people ask him, but as Sukul is to be his companion he tells her the truth. He says Sandalath is his mother and his father died in the wars saving many famous highborn. Sukul says that Orfantal surely has a different story he's supposed to tell. Orfantal says yes, but that it doesn't make sense. Sukul asks if they are truly friends now. Orfantal nods. Sukul then gives him advice on what to do when he gets to the Citadel. She says he may be lonely as all the adults have very busy lives. He is surprised by this, thinking they would all welcome him warmly as they did his mother. Sukul tells him to seek out Lady Hish Tulla. Sukul will give him a message to give to the lady. Orfantal agrees and asks why she is a guest in Tulla Hold.
She says her sister has taken a wayward path and her mother did not want her to follow. Her mother was friends with Lady Hish from the battlefield and asked her for a favor. Lady Hish had also been on a wayward path, but has since pulled back. Sukul then tells Orfantal, "blood is not the only loyalty in the world. Two spirits, matched of vision, can reach across any divide. Remember that, Orfantal, for on this night such a friendship has begun, between us." She says that Hish Tulla is trying to forge bonds between nobles and officers in Urusander's Legion in order to prevent a civil war.. But that many officers like her sister have no interest in peace. Orfantal says he wishes that Sukul was his sister, Sukul says friends are better and more reliable. She also tells him to make the story he is supposed to tell, the truth in his mind. She makes him promise that he will tell no one else what he has told her. Sukul tells him, "You can create whatever truth you choose. We live long, Orfantal – much longer than the Jheleck, or the Dog- Runners. Live long enough and you will find yourself in the company of other liars, other inventors, and all that they make of their youth shines so bright as to blind the eye. Listen to their tales, and know them for the liars they are – no different from you. No different from any of us." A small voice in his head says that he does not like liars. Lying meant betraying loyalty.
Location: Citadel
POV: Rise Herat
Rise Herat and Legyl Behust, a small girl, are out on a merlon. Rise is telling her not to fall off. She is excited to be this close to the edge. He tells her to look out of the city, but to ignore the industrial section. She wants to see the forest he keeps talking about, but it has receded to a dark line on the horizon. He goes on to compare Kharkanas with a body with it's areas of industry. She doesn't understand him and says, "Cedorpul's a better teacher than you. He makes sense. You don’t." She leaves to play in her room. She is the lone hostage in the Citadel. Cedorpul had ambushed him and made him give her a lesson during his morning ritual. Before he could say no, Cedorpul was gone. Rise Herat is the court historian and attempted to give Legyl a history lesson, but her questions and comments confused him, so he gave up. He knows he's a terrible historian. He prefers sweeping color over obsessive detail and feeling over intense analysis.
He sees the shadow of Mother Dark's indrawn breath. The priestesses believe that she feeds on the light. He laments what must be if Mother Dark becomes absolute. The loss of light. He thinks of Kadaspala. The priestesses say that all who would dwell in the coming darkness would be able to see in it. He knew that would come from sorcery and so would not be free. Cedorpul joins him at the tower. Round face and round body huffing. Someone else comes with him. Cedorpul asks where Legyl is and Rise tells him in her room. He says that Rise has abdicated his responsibilities. Rise responds, just like you did this morning. Endest Silann pushes past Cedorpul to look out over the city. Rise asks what he sees. Endest says it is more what he feels and he feels unburdened. The weight on his shoulders will return when he goes below.
Cedorpul tells Rise that Warlock Resh brings a guest to see Mother Dark. He says that she is from the Vitr. Rise faces Cedorpul surprised by his statement and the man's lack of eyebrows or other facial hair. Cedorpul says they should reach the edge of the forest soon. They wanted to see if they could witness it from the tower. Endest jokes about the proper decorum. Cedorpul doesn't like his irreverence. Endest reminds Cedorpul in which state he found him this morning. Under 3 priestess candidates. He tells Rise that Cedorpul tells them that their prowess in bed must be tested prior to becoming priestesses. He also swears them to secrecy. Cedorpul is mad at Endest for outing him and also tells Rise that Endest doesn't mind taking his cast-offs every night.
POV: Sister Emral Lanear
Sister Emral Lanear is one of two High Priestesses in the court of Mother Dark. She thinks about the illusions they all must keep up. The lesser priestesses around her are gossiping about the visitor. Sister Syntara, the other High Priestess, calls to Sister Emral and tells her it is time. She does not like the young powerful woman. She thinks there is no need for two High Priestesses. The temple they occupied was built as a tribute to the long forgotten god of the Dorssan Ryl. The Yan and Yedan cults were of that time, but she dismissed those as they invented rules of suffering confusing that with faith. Syntara is annoyed that Emral continues to look in her mirror. She has topics to discuss with the other High Priestess. She tells Emral that they must be ready to take advantage of any opportunity. Emral has resisted her at every turn. Syntara says it's not her fault that Emral is old and she's sure Mother Dark only elevated her because she pities her.
Hunn Raal is in the city and Emral had denied his petition for an audience with Mother Dark. Syntara says that was a mistake and tells her about T'riss. Emral says she hasn't denied his petition, only delayed. She wonders aloud at the reasoning for Hunn Raal going to Syntara filling her ear. She surmises that he wishes to use this Azathanai from the Vitr to get a command from Mother Dark to mobilize Urusander's legion and reinstate it's veterans. Emral asks how the highborns will react to a full strength Legion in light of the proposed marriage between Urusander and Mother Dark. Syntara responds that Draconus's response to said marriage is the only thing people are worried about. Emral asks if he will indeed be sacrificed. Even if he is, that would be a short term mollification if Urusander's legion is full strength and holding their swords over the heads of the highborn. She asks Syntara if she would dance for them. This comment hits Syntara as there are rumors of her being a sex worker dancing in alleys in her youth. Emral says that hating Draconus is only a sign of jealousy and that he is granted no power from being Mother Dark's lover.
Location: Outside Kharkanas
POV: Caplo Dreem
The party escorting T'riss to Kharkanas is coming upon the edge of the forest. Previously they had stayed at the Yan monastery. Caplo thinks about how unfortunately he had made Faror Hend his enemy and how he would now have to assault her reputation. He thinks about when he brought T'riss to meet with Mother Sheccanto. Mother Sheccanto asks T'riss is she will be a guest here and T'riss responds how dry it is and it is not befitting a mother. Sheccanto says if she will not be a guest she can go on her way without delay. T'riss says that Mother Sheccanto's faith is empty, but that she likely knows that. She goes on to tell her that there was once a river spirit/god near here. Once they had dug the well and put in a fountain, they had made the god a prisoner. Prisoners die.
Sheccanto observes that T'riss lacks the tact of most Azathanai. T'riss tells her that tact is really just amused condescension. She tells Sheccanto that she is dying and her cult is dying. Sheccanto says of course she's dying and tells Caplo to get her out, but then T'riss accepts and says she will be a guest. She tells them that she thinks Mother Dark has made a grave error in judgment. Then she says she will now go bathe in the fountain. Sheccanto tells Caplo to stay and berates him for letting the bandits kill their children. The cult needs children to stay alive. Caplo was shocked by Mother Sheccanto's admission that of course she was dying. She had been alive for 2,000 years. Amid this reverie, she says, I'm not dead yet staring directly at Caplo. Caplo says he thinks the Vitr damaged T'riss. Mother Sheccanto responds, "Mad she may be, but her power remains, and it is unmitigated by the restraint of reason." She tells him he will be her escort to Mother Dark and to keep his skills at hand. He is an assassin and wonders if it's possible to kill an Azathanai. He also questions whether or not Mother Dark can protect herself. He thinks she surely can. Sheccanto says Mother Dark only trusts one man and he is an outsider who has gone to the Azathanai lands. Her old suspicions are awakened by this.
She goes on to say that while they cannot pierce the veil of mother dark, her spies tell her that Anomander may be able to, so that proves that others might as well. Caplo wonders aloud if he should just kill her here. But she is known to be here, so that would invite the wrath of the wardens. Caplo is doubtful of his ability to kill T'riss in the chamber of night as he has seen Anomander fight and knows he is fast enough to stop Caplo. Mother Sheccanto is fine with the odds and Caplo knowing his low chance of success understands that he may be a sacrifice. Mother Sheccanto tells him to only strike if T'riss intends harm to Mother Dark. They need Mother Dark's gratitude. Caplo's death is worth that gratitude in Sheccanto's eyes. She gives him other tasks to do while in Kharkanas. Caplo joins Resh at the fountain where T'riss swims naked. They philosophize for a long time, then T'riss gets out and asks Caplo, "Your Mother advised against my murder, then? It is well. You would not like my blood on your hands, lieutenant." Caplo denies, but then says they will defend our own. T'riss questions what constitutes 'their own' and that he relies on that ambiguity to justify his killing. She goes on to say, "I believe you are a killer, and that you are both given reasons for the necessity, and assemble in private more of your own, bolstering such justifications as needed." Warlock Resh gagging asks T'riss to restrain her power. T'riss responds that it isn't her. Caplo asks who's power if not hers. T'riss responds, "Your river god was dead. It is dead no longer." Warlock Resh says the god is enraged.
T'riss remained in her room for the next two days as the settlement is plunged into chaos. Mother Sheccanto has lost all control of her body and is confined to her bed. Resh had sent a rider to the Yedan monastery telling Father Skelenal. The thirteen eldest sisters among them had died. In the great well of the ancient god, the water boiled. As T'riss is readying to leave, Resh says he will wait for Father Skelenal to arrive. T'riss says no and that Resh is not needed here. Mother Sheccanto will recover and speak in private with Skelenal. T'riss orders Resh to accompany her. Resh accepts her command, but asks why. T'riss says he needs to witness what will happen. Caplo asks if she is a threat to Mother Dark. T'riss says if she is, there is nothing anyone can do about it, but she says no she is no threat. She says she brings change and how Mother Dark responds is up to her.
While on the way Resh tells Caplo that something is building and that the forest people are free and when they kill the last tree, the last free people of the realm will cease to be. After long discussion of this, T'riss breaks in and says their rituals are meaningless. Once subservience becomes rote, it ceases to be subservient. In any case that is not the relationship the river god wants. It wants comprehension on it's existence. T'riss goes on. You offer your life to the river god, but that's not what the river god wants and it has no idea what to do with your longing, helpless soul. If the god could make you understand something it would be, "the only thing worthy of worship is humility itself." Caplo starts to respond with derision, but Resh gestures him to be silent. Caplo thinks that though he was going to argue, he sees the truth in their predictable behaviors. Resh then exasperatedly asks, "what does our god want of us?" T'riss responds, "he wants you to be free." Caplo is rocked by this revelation. Warlock Resh is brought to tears. "In tears, water runs free."
Location: Citadel
POV: High Priestess Emral Lanear
Emral and Syntara are on their way to see Mother Dark and the way gets progressively darker as they get closer. Emral thinks that there is no beauty in the citadel and the old temple looks a skull with ants trying to escape. The Tiste are the ants. As they get closer Mother Darks presence weighs on them and they must slow down and their breath becomes more shallow. Most of the priestesses and those close to the goddess have developed some ability to see in the dark. Emral is shocked to feel a rain drop fall on her head. The water freezes as it rolls down her face. There was never any rain in the citadel. Alarmed she announces that something is happening. The rain starts to fall harder and the lesser priestesses are panicking. Emral tells them they are dismissed and that the High Priestesses need to speak with Mother Dark. Syntara is mad because Emral doesn't command the procession.
Anomander and his brothers arrive and tell the High Priestesses that the Azathanai is through the gate and that the river is flooding and water streams the streets. He asks for Emral's thoughts. Emral says the Shake. Syntara is looking around confused. Anomander tells Emral that it's unlikely that this is the doing of the Shake. They've never attempted to reclaim the old temple. Emral posits that perhaps they would be allies then. Anomander says they are unreliable, "One thing the worship of a dead god assures, and that is unmitigated freedom for the priesthood" They are off balance now. Emral says if the Shake are nimble they can turn this to their advantage. Anomander says Mother Sheccanto is very ill. Silchas responds that they must look to Warlock Resh then. Emral thinks this shows that Silchas too is very sharp. She tells the brothers that T'riss's escort is Resh and Caplo Dreem. Anomander says that they must think on why Caplo is here. They sniff out that Caplo is there to kill the Azathanai if necessary. Anomander says that he doesn't share Sheccanto's panic. Emral asks if the brothers can stop him. They aren't sure. Caplo is the fastest with a blade that either has seen. Syntara frustratingly says Anomander should then stand between Caplo and T'riss and that they are wasting a lot of time as the group approaches.
Syntara says they must warn Mother Dark. Anomander assures her that Mother Dark already knows and doesn't need anything from them. He goes on, "Sister Syntara, we hens have much to decide here, yet you persist in pecking the ground." Syntara asserts that she is a High Priestess. Anomander verbally eviscerates her, "Your elevation was intended to ease the burden of administration from Sister Emral. Little did Mother Dark realize your venal ambition, and if you think high tits and a damp nest are the surest paths to power, might I refer you to Gallan’s poem, “Trophies of Youth”? Anomander says he will address the Caplo situation. Emral is shocked by Anomander's revelation. She was not aware that Syntara's elevation was to help her. Emral feels a great fondness for all three of the brothers. They remind her of their father whom she loved.
Anomander says they will wait for the Shake party to come to them. Andarist points out that having so many here is a sign of weakness and says he will leave. Silchas says he will join him as his talents are made redundant by Anomander remaining. Silchas suggests that they go find Captain Kellaras who has recently returned to the citadel and enquire about Hust Henarald's answer to Anomander's request. Emral once again contemplates Anomander's competence and attributes it to the same qualities in his father. In the same thought she also hopes that none them have their mother's flaws.
Syntara asks if they will just stand there. Anomander responds that she's not needed and should go seek shelter in Mother Dark's presence. Syntara agrees, but says she won't sink to their level of rudeness. She says she seems to be the only one to understand the position of High Priestess. Anomander responds, "Would that be on your knees, Syntara?" Syntara, enraged, leaves. Emral cautions Anomander that while she is awful, she is not powerless. Anomander agrees that he was unwise, but thinks Syntara's rage will fall on Emral and for that he is sorry.
Location: Streets of Kharkanas
POV: Caplo Dreem
As they move through the streets of Kharkanas they encounter it's citizens in panic. Caplo, Resh, and T'riss stop their mounts in front of the rising water. T'riss says she will walk from here. Resh asks if all of the bridges and stone banks must be destroyed in order for the river to be free. T'riss responds that, "Mother Dark is awakened to its presence. She asserts her domain." The flood is subsiding and T'riss comments on Mother Dark's impressive power. T'riss continues on in the water. Caplo and Resh remain mounted and follow. Caplo looks and sees steam. Mother Dark's power is growing. T'riss wonders why if there is highborn and lowborn why there is no royalty among the Tiste. Caplo says their was, but the queen died on the battlefield trying to find her husband's body. The queen's body was never recovered. She was Mother Dark's half-sister. T'riss asks why she couldn't have just assumed the mantle of Queen. Caplo says it was possible, but that she was deemed unsuitable. Resh says that she was not political. She was idealistic and romantic. T'riss says she thinks the empty throne suits the tiste highborn. Resh says that the throne is now the throne of night and Mother Dark does indeed sit upon it. T'riss asks if she will be sitting on it when they have their audience. Caplo says he has no idea. It's in darkness after all. T'riss guesses that while the queen had no direct descendants that she did have other relations. She correctly guesses that these are Mother Sheccanto and Father Skelenal. She says that they could claim the throne. Resh stops Caplo and asks him why she knows this and why she's bringing it up. He doesn't know, but assures Resh that the age of Kings and Queens is over. For love the queen cast the realm into chaos. The lesson was not lost on the Tiste.
Location: Kharkanas Old Tower
POV: Rise Herat
Rise, Cedorpul and Endest Silann watch as T'riss and her escort walk down the street. Rise wonders if warlock Resh will lay claim to the Old Temple they are watching from as it was an ancient temple to the river god. They watch as Resh and Caplo dismount and continue on with T'riss leaving the other Shake behind. Rise wonders about the nature of Mother Dark's godhood. How it is difficult to worship negation and that if T'riss is in opposition it may help define how they worship their goddess. He also correctly guesses that T'riss is the one in danger at this meeting. Rise challenges Cedorpul's faith and Cedorpul takes Endest and leaves asking Rise to check on the child.
Location: CItadel
POV: High Priestess Emral Lanear
Emral and Anomander await T'riss and her escort. Syntara has gone in to commune with Mother Dark. Emral knows how frustrating that can be as she offers no clear answers. She says that Mother Dark is idealistic and romantic and that probably suits an object of faith and worship. As T'riss approaches a bloom of light does as well. Ice had sheathed the walls and it now cracked. T'riss displays great power. Emral wonders why the Azathanai are not worshipped as gods. Caplo and Resh follow close behind and look uncertain and exhausted. T'riss stops in front of Anomander and says, "Night will claim your skin. Before your eyes, darkness will be revealed. But I will make visible the defiance within you, as a gift." Anomander responds that he asks for no gifts and has no defiance. To Emral T'riss says, "Your sorrow, High Priestess, is lonely, and you are driven to share your truths. I advise against it. Give voice to your secrets and you will be rejected by those for whom you care the most." Anomander tells her if she seeks answers, she may be disappointed. T'riss says, "The Tiste view the Vitr as an enemy, It is no such thing. It exists for itself. It is a sea of possibilities, of potential. It holds life in the manner that blood holds life." Anomander asks if it created her, she says no. He says it is expanding towards Kurald Galain. T'riss responds, "The sea does not dream of you." T'riss says she will see Mother Dark now and moves past Emral. Caplo and Resh make to follow, but Anomander snaps out a hand and pins Caplo to the wall. Emral sees the gleam of a knife in Caplo's hand. Resh shakes his head and it abruptly vanishes. T'riss does not react to this and continues forward. Anomander tells Caplo that no blood is to spilled within the chamber. Caplo says the command is unnecessary. Anomander then addresses Resh and tells him to tell Sheccanto that if she ever sends her Assassin into audience with Mother Dark again, they will spike his head on the wall of the citadel. Resh agrees to relay the message.
From the doorway, T'riss's light vanishes and Syntara stumbles out skin changed to white. When Emral goes to assist her, Syntara declines and calls her a hag. She says she chose her gift and rushes out of the corridor. Resh groans and says, "She's gone." Anomander asks if she was banished. Resh asks if Mother Dark gives him nothing. He says she might, but he doesn't ask. Resh says time twisted in the chamber. It could have been days and that T'riss brought some of the Vitr with her. They didn't know. Anomander asks if it was weapon. Resh says, no it was a gift.
Anomander commands the Shake to stay and takes Emral into the chamber. Emral notices that the darkness is less oppressive to her and that she can now make out details of the chamber. Mother Dark is on the Throne of Night . She is now black-skinned. Anomander asks if Mother Dark is harmed. She responds that she is not. Anomander asks if she sent her away. Mother Dark instead addresses Emral saying she is now the only High Priestess and that Syntara chose to create a schism. It cannot be undone. Anomander asks about the ancient river god being resurrected. Mother Dark responds, "There is peace between us. You see too many enemies, First Son. We are not threatened from without; only from within." Anomander asks what T'riss has done here and how she has changed the darkness. Mother Dark again doesn't respond. She addresses Emral and says that the temple is now sanctified. Emral thinks sanctified by the Vitr? She wonders how Syntara was changed as she thought her faith unassailable. Mother Dark says T'riss was able to see deep into a mortal soul, but doesn't understand tact. She gifted Syntara with something that put her beyond Mother Dark. Mother Dark says that they both now have the ability to see in darkness and everyone who comes before her will receive the blessing. Emral looks to Anomander and sees his black skin, but is shocked at his silver hair. Mother Dark says she is troubled by this and that one day she will tell him of his mother. Anomander says he has no interest and that, "Love cannot survive the absence of memories, and for that woman we have none."
Anomander asks if she will meet with the Shake. Mother Dark says not yet. Anomander shouts, "then name your enemy!". Mother Dark says she has none. She asks him to win the peace for her. Anomander continues to ask about threats and to say that he is a soldier and cannot win peace without war. He asks how Syntara poses a threat. He says the Shake will not take her. Mother Dark says her gift will draw people to her and that they cannot stop it. The schism must be made so it can be healed. Anomander asks, what about Draconus. Mother Dark stills and tells him to leave. Anomander says without him he cannot accomplish his task. She tells him to leave again.
Location: Kharkanas
POV: Hunn Raal
Syntara has come into Hunn Raal's tent. He is shocked by her skin change and asks if Mother Dark had blessed her with new sorcery. Syntara responds that she has been cast out and that T'riss had said she could see in her soul and saw terrible things. She then touched her and did this. She demands sanctuary and says she needs the protection of the legion. He says it's now complicated. She says it wasn't yesterday when he groveled about everything being in place. He says she isn't a High Priestess anymore, so things are different. She asks if he is too drunk to fuck. He says probably. She asks if Urusander will take her.
She asks contemptuously if Hunn Raal will now wage war on the Azathanai. She says that T'riss disappeared as if she open a door in the air itself and Mother Dark recoiled from this power. Hunn Raal sees that Syntara is the same as him and tells her to take this information to Urusander. He tells her exactly what to say. He says she has light within her. She says she will now be a High Priestess of light. She says Liossan and asks who their enemies are. Hunn Raal responds that their enemies are anyone that seeks to hurt Mother Dark. He asks who could challenge this. She responds what about Draconus. He says Draconus uses Mother Dark, so is a threat along with The Deniers, and the brothers and sisters of the Monasteries. Syntara says they will plunge Kurald Galain into Civil War. Hunn Raal says they will prevent one. He says after they purge the realm it will be the end of war and Light will balance out the Dark. She says she wants Emral dead. He says no. Syntara dubs Urusander Father Light. She says she must leave immediately. She tells him his troops must wait now, the Highborn are no longer their enemies. He says he fears it may already be too late. She tells him to make sure it isn't.
Location: On the road to the Citadel
POV: Orfantal
The caravan comes upon some well equipped riders that are definitely not bandits. Haral moves the wagons to the side to allow them to pass. Orfantal notices the equipment of Urusander's legion. He asks Gripp if they are hunting bandits. He begins to say they are Legion. Gripp pinches him and tells him to shut up. Orfantal notices that Gripp is pale. Orfantal twists around to look at the soldiers and Gripp tells him to turn back around and ride on. Orfantal asks what's wrong. Gripp looks for a sign from Haral and sees it when he frowns. Gripp tells Orfantal to listen to him and that the soldiers are coming back. Orfantal asks why and Gripp says because the soldiers shouldn't be here. At least three of them were from disbanded units. He tells him to ride ahead and once he has a straight path to gallop. He says no more questions and don't look back. He slaps the nag's rump and she takes off. Orfantal hears swords being pulled as he runs away. He hears screaming. He presses the horse on and she gallops, but eventually slows.
He hears another horse galloping behind him and fears a knife in the back. The horse rushes past and he sees that it's Haral's but with no rider. It is soaked in blood and gore. He looks back, but is around a corner. He sees two riders emerge and they take off after him. His horse is laboring. Orfantal looks around for a place to hide. He pulls off onto a different path and hears the riders getting closer. He sees their swords are out. He kicks the horse forward and she sinks through the clay into mud. She pushes through. They are half way to the other side when she sinks to her belly and stops. Orfantal now crying sees that the two riders do not dare to follow into the mud. He dismounts and rolls away. The nag had now sunk to her shoulders. He knows she will die and knows that he betrayed her. He's not supposed to be the betrayer. He is able to stay on the crust because he is very light. He makes it across this bog and looks back to see the two riders leaving. He also sees two columns of black smoke and knows that all of his companions are dead. He knew they weren't bandits because they would not fire the wagons. He looks back at his horse. He goes back to her. He puts his arms around her neck and holds tight. The nag puts her cheek against his head and Orfantal weeps. The horse takes her last breath. He is now numb. He knows that the real world doesn't care about his fantasies. That anyone can be a betrayer and that he can trust no one, not even himself.

This poem is a bit different from my past ones. If you know me on any level beyond just commenting on my reddit posts, I ask that you don't read this. If you are someone too close to me to read it, I can't stop you from reading, but know that if you continue, it is because you knowingly decided to violate my trust.
I realize that sounds strange, but my hope in sharing this poem with the world is that I can let these feelings go, and if anyone too close to me finds them out, they'd be brought right back to me, due to your proximity to me. Yes, that is how it works, shut up. There's also the risk that you're the person this poem is about, and then it'd be really bad if you read it. ^{unless you feel the same way, then you should absolutely tell me, but just ignore it if you don't}
Also, to everyone else who I'm not as close with, I realize I've only made three drawings this year. Sorry about that. I'll probably make a Smol Yuri drawing soon
Now, without further adieu, my poem:

Shortly after we first met, I felt a way I can't forget.
Feelings from which I can't flee, felt in the highest degree.
Yes, it's true, I've started falling for you.

Before, I never dared to wish, as it's an act I found quite foolish.
But now, on all the stars that shine, I wish one day you'll be mine.
On every star in space, I wish to plant kisses all over your face.

You're in my head every second of the day, cause I'm really just so fucking gay.
I feel it more with your every word, though to you that may sound absurd.
My each and every waking minute, is so much better with you in it.

Though you may hear it like an infection, your voice is absolute perfection.
You always manage to soothe my fears, and since meeting you I've shed far fewer tears.
You're the kindest person I've ever met, I've never once seen you as a threat.

But if these feelings were ever known, you'd surely leave me all alone.
And as I've known you longer, they've grown so much stronger.
And if you ever knew, my friend, then all our talks would come to an end.

Until the end, my heart, I will defend, so it won't have to mend.
You won't have to reject, cause they're feelings I'll correct.
Though my heart will always yearn, your love is what I'd never earn.

We'll be forever just friends, that's how this all ends.
Though these feelings have towered, I'm really just a coward.
And though it'll make my heart whine, eventually I'll be fine.

How do I love long distance while giving her space?
My girlfriend and I are long distance and have been together 8 months, but Ive known her 8 years. We met in college and had a bit of a fling but I flubbed it hard, until she hit me up almost a year ago to clear the air. It's been mostly magical ever since; I haven't written in years, and suddenly I'm writing poems about her all the time. She's given me confidence in things and makes me feel like I'm not too much, and I love her in ways I never knew I could. She makes me softer and kinder and a person I used to be before I grew really disillusioned from failed career prospects and other millennial woes. But there's been some issues too
Short version is that she's been depressed for a few months now, and also suffers from bipolar disorder, and a mix of some new medication alongside the depression have made it really hard for her. I got wrapped up in my head about her falling out of love with me, as she told me last visit she still wants to be with me and loves me but doesn't feel "in love" anymore, but that it happened so suddenly (like overnight) she's almost certain it's the meds and that even if she can't feel the butterflys, she knows she loves me. This was a month and a half ago. And we've talked about it since, but I also felt how low she was and how dry our conversations were getting and kept getting more and more worried she was about to leave.
I brought up last week how I wasnt feeling emotionally connected and little ways we could try to improve it, because I'm finally getting comfortable voicing my needs in a relationship too, and she just broke down. She HAD been trying; what I saw as her pulling away was her trying so hard because she's running on absolutely nothing, but I was so wrapped up worrying about "us", I didnt see how much SHE was struggling.
We're in a pseudo-break right now so she can focus on her health and not worry about an intense relationship at the same time and is adamant she wants us to come back together.
We had been talking all the time for months and I knew even before this we had to taper off so she wouldn't feel smothered, but I'm just sending her two voice messages a day with maybe the possibility of a phone call on weekends so we can catch up and not lose feelings while still giving each other space, but I'm at a loss. I'm a lover; im romantic and have big emotions and write poetry thinking about her. I know it can appear a lot and love bomby, but it's very genuine and she knows that, but I don't know how to balance loving like I do with giving her own autonomy, while also allowing myself the space to have my own life too.
I recognize I've put so much into this relationship that other aspects of my life have suffered, and I don't want that. I want this to be healthy for her AND me, because we both deserve that. I want to tell her all the things she is to me with all my flowery language but not make her feel like she's on a pedestal or not seen as she is, because she's not
TL;DR because this is getting long-winded: basically I need advice on how to feel okay and love how I do with her, which is poetic and genuine, while still giving her space and autonomy and I really don't want to fuck this up. I care about her too much to be anything but healthy for her, and I'm really worried I'm not at this point, but I want to be

Hi all (and who knows/I hope dr K),
Prepare to read!! But if you don't want to, get the TLDR at the bottom; I am very uncommon with Reddit so forgive me any mistakes!
I've been strugglin' along in life for a while now (am 26 years old) and even though I've been doubling down on dr K's videos last 6 months or so, it's been 10 years I've been working very hard on myself (sometimes really really obsessively). As following is how great my life is going;
I just got hired for a new job (System Engineer in IT), got a good base (got a small but nice apartment with garden, money, stuff, a cute cat) and I am very healthy and strong (I put alot of time in my health) and maybe I got some on the lucky side with appearance thanks to my parents (no model but u know, just fine). + I've joined group therapy on 18 yrs old for one and a half year, been in cognitive therapy since my 21st and still going sometimes and have been reading about philosophy, psychology for years and thought alot about a mentality of 'overcoming' and practicing this alot too in for example Boxing. As more medicine for the mind I sometimes make poems, play guitar and sing or make raps (been a while tbh), meditate, work out more, have a healthy routine and habits, try to do enough new things and take risks (as in Love and also career or vacations alone etc).. I feel like I understand myself and my world alot better than before and that I could do something really cool with these insights.
To understand my question but honestly also because I am weirdly eager to share my story, here's a small part of my history; My parents got divorced at age 5 or 6 because my mother joined a sect (like Amish but modernized) and the church said she had to, against my fathers' wishes. It was a horrible divorce, where suddenly my dad was gone, they regularly got in screaming fights with my mom wishing him dead etc, slamming doors (my dad broke into the house at least once) arguing over the relationship and us, while we didn't really understood why and cried ofcourse. Later on when things sort of settled down I saw my dad weekend on weekend off and until shortly I told myself everything was fine from that time on; it would be too much to tell, but I am now sure (beside every period also has some good things ofc) I have been emotionally neglected, traumatically manipulated by my mom (examples: literally years later when I felt sad my dad was gone while looking at old pictures where she cut him out, she said things like it was the demon in my room making me feel that way and she literally commanded/screamed it back to hell, I was frightened to death and my little sister cried once; my mother also observed and controlled us sometimes obsessively checking our stuff in search of where the devil could hide & would throw it away, and manipulate choices, what is not allowed to do or even think.. everything) and I lived an extremely sad, depressing, insecure and self-blaming youth. If I'd understood what really was going on with my mom and my family, I probably would have killed myself. Lucky me I guess she forced me to become a bit better at lying, and so too to myself. Hahah you thought that was all didn't yah? Hell no, here comes part two; at 15 yrs old I got kicked out of (that side of) the family which meant losing my mother, my siblings I grew up with, my best friend cousin and a whole network of friends because I had to move to my father in another city too far away. I had to walk away from home (my mom) because I felt very unsafe apparently, I wasn't welcome anymore after that. She also didn't respond to my texts, or said I could come and then cancel, and send not even a message from the first birthday since on. Later on I tried again but she keeps putting expectations on me and plays with my love for her. haven't seen her for 6 years now I think. But I also left the one good thing; my mothers' beliefs. I am grateful for my father to take me in, but I think now he was too traumatized by the happenings' in his life that he wasn't able to really connect with me when I moved in, we never discussed emotional parts or had a good talk the first year or more. Maybe we had later on but still, he always felt distant from me, as today I am afraid. Like he is half a ghost; He lives, but always seems unaware of half of what happens.. doing his routine over and over. You can talk but he forgets. Never said he loved me or anything, just he living his life and I mine besides his. I know he loves me, but sad it is.
So you can see I've been through some shit and still leaving out alot because it would be too long to read. I want to get to the point myself as like;
I am feeling okay lately and really are keeping my balance, feeling overall good and livin' prosperous as I actually always do. The only thing I really long still is having a connection with people. I don't know if it's me, them, or both.. I moved alot so it was hard to remain friendships, but I also think I find it hard to make friends because I feel like a strange ducky; I fear my past has changed me so much that I understand depth that my peers do not. It could be arrogance, but it must at least have some truth in it. It takes alot of energy to be around new people and since a year I have become alot more solitary, because I don't want to drink really, use drugs or stay up at night. I live a peaceful life reading, working out, pursue a nice career and sum good meditation (and tea) sessions. And try to keep a few good friendships going, which are going very well. But I haven't been in a relationship for 6 years and now I feel like I am ready (a healthy one this time I promise), only the women around me I feel like they are not (ghosting, are most interested in themselves, looking for checking their grocerylist, communicate intensely vague). I've had quite some experience with women and don't struggle to get dates, but I really find it hard to find real connection/understanding. I got on a new datingapp where you go on date when you match without chatting, sounds great not? Only with the first 3 matches they postponed the date already 6 times, two doubles, mostly same day/few hours before. And with horrible reason and effort after really. I also find the girls I have approached in real life and dated seem occupied, and some of those things i just listed. Generally very cold women here in Holland, is my experience (but there are always exceptions on ones' rules ofcourse);
''Has this world changed its' moral value, or is it I?''
.. So I wonder; do I need to change myself, or my environment? Do I maybe have a lack of connection what makes me feel like I lack connection, or am I still missing something internally? Or both? And do I need to be more patient while feeling a little righteous lack-of?
If you want to ask, share or give your worldview of anything please do so! I am here to learn, not to know it better.
Huge propz to dr K, thanks for the ton of knowledge I already learned from you for free and thanks for this reddit page!
thanks for reading!
​
side question: It could be obvious but is my history a normal one? or is it a bit different from the usual? I wouldn't know really, I like to see myself as normal
​
TL;DR: Life is going great, Life wás hell & felt like sharing, question; is there a chance for real love?
​
​

Amtgard is a boffer LARP (with heavy emphasis on the Live Action and very little on the Role Play) that uses foam weapons like swords, shields, bows and arrows, played in 23 "kingdoms" across the entire US (and some in Canada!). It is fast-paced combat with a somewhat complex set of rules that include fighting and magic utilizing cloth-covered foam balls and verbal incantations to cause effects like making someone stop moving their feet for 30 seconds, or having to move 20 ft away.
There is practically no Roleplay, you don't have to be "in-character", nothing is improvised or invented... It's all combat mechanics that are defined, slapped into whatever form of a game someone runs that day.
Want to come shoot a bow with big foam-tipped arrows while playing capture the flag? Or take a bag full of 4" foam discs and try to throw them at opponents chasing you down with a foam shield and axe? Or run around with no weapons, trying to rattle off a short poem as fast as you can to "resurrect" a dead teammate?
That's what we do. Every Sunday at noon, at the Richmond Marina Bay Park.
This weekend we have particularly good weather, 71°F and partly cloudy. Some visitors from other California-area parks are coming this Sunday June 2nd to run a special new-player training event, where they will teach you all of the basic mechanics.
Come out at 12:00, wear something athletic you can move around easily in, and that's it! We have loaner gear to let people borrow as much as you want, and seasoned veterans who will happily teach you how to build your own equipment or point you to the right shops where you can buy the correct gear that is legal for our game rules.
Come trick yourself into getting some exercise in the nice outdoors! Age 14+ for combatants, and minors need a parent to sign a waiver before they can play.
Links to more information about the game, including the rulebook, links to our social media pages, and our California-specific website.

Amtgard is a boffer LARP (with heavy emphasis on the Live Action and very little on the Role Play) that uses foam weapons like swords, shields, bows and arrows, played in 23 "kingdoms" across the entire US (and some in Canada!). It is fast-paced combat with a somewhat complex set of rules that include fighting and magic utilizing cloth-covered foam balls and verbal incantations to cause effects like making someone stop moving their feet for 30 seconds, or having to move 20 ft away.
There is practically no Roleplay, you don't have to be "in-character", nothing is improvised or invented... It's all combat mechanics that are defined, slapped into whatever form of a game someone runs that day.
Want to come shoot a bow with big foam-tipped arrows while playing capture the flag? Or take a bag full of 4" foam discs and try to throw them at opponents chasing you down with a foam shield and axe? Or run around with no weapons, trying to rattle off a short poem as fast as you can to "resurrect" a dead teammate?
That's what we do. Every Sunday at noon, at the Richmond Marina Bay Park.
This weekend we have particularly good weather, 71°F and partly cloudy. Some visitors from other California-area parks are coming this Sunday June 2nd to run a special new-player training event, where they will teach you all of the basic mechanics.
Come out at 12:00, wear something athletic you can move around easily in, and that's it! We have loaner gear to let people borrow as much as you want, and seasoned veterans who will happily teach you how to build your own equipment or point you to the right shops where you can buy the correct gear that is legal for our game rules.
Come trick yourself into getting some exercise in the nice outdoors! Age 14+ for combatants, and minors need a parent to sign a waiver before they can play.
Links to more information about the game, including the rulebook, links to our social media pages, and our California-specific website.

Hi all (and who knows/I hope dr K),
Prepare to read!! But if you don't want to, get the TLDR at the bottom; I am very uncommon with Reddit so forgive me any mistakes!
I've been strugglin' along in life for a while now (am 26 years old) and even though I've been doubling down on dr K's videos last 6 months or so, it's been 10 years I've been working very hard on myself (sometimes really really obsessively). As following is how great my life is going;
I just got hired for a new job (System Engineer in IT), got a good base (got a small but nice apartment with garden, money, stuff, a cute cat) and I am very healthy and strong (I put alot of time in my health) and maybe I got some on the lucky side with appearance thanks to my parents (no model but u know, just fine). + I've joined group therapy on 18 yrs old for one and a half year, been in cognitive therapy since my 21st and still going sometimes and have been reading about philosophy, psychology for years and thought alot about a mentality of 'overcoming' and practicing this alot too in for example Boxing. As more medicine for the mind I sometimes make poems, play guitar and sing or make raps (been a while tbh), meditate, work out more, have a healthy routine and habits, try to do enough new things and take risks (as in Love and also career or vacations alone etc).. I feel like I understand myself and my world alot better than before and that I could do something really cool with these insights.
To understand my question but honestly also because I am weirdly eager to share my story, here's a small part of my history; My parents got divorced at age 5 or 6 because my mother joined a sect (like Amish but modernized) and the church said she had to, against my fathers' wishes. It was a horrible divorce, where suddenly my dad was gone, they regularly got in screaming fights with my mom wishing him dead etc, slamming doors (my dad broke into the house at least once) arguing over the relationship and us, while we didn't really understood why and cried ofcourse. Later on when things sort of settled down I saw my dad weekend on weekend off and until shortly I told myself everything was fine from that time on; it would be too much to tell, but I am now sure (beside every period also has some good things ofc) I have been emotionally neglected, traumatically manipulated by my mom (examples: literally years later when I felt sad my dad was gone while looking at old pictures where she cut him out, she said things like it was the demon in my room making me feel that way and she literally commanded/screamed it back to hell, I was frightened to death and my little sister cried once; my mother also observed and controlled us sometimes obsessively checking our stuff in search of where the devil could hide & would throw it away, and manipulate choices, what is not allowed to do or even think.. everything) and I lived an extremely sad, depressing, insecure and self-blaming youth. If I'd understood what really was going on with my mom and my family, I probably would have killed myself. Lucky me I guess she forced me to become a bit better at lying, and so too to myself. Hahah you thought that was all didn't yah? Hell no, here comes part two; at 15 yrs old I got kicked out of (that side of) the family which meant losing my mother, my siblings I grew up with, my best friend cousin and a whole network of friends because I had to move to my father in another city too far away. I had to walk away from home (my mom) because I felt very unsafe apparently, I wasn't welcome anymore after that. She also didn't respond to my texts, or said I could come and then cancel, and send not even a message from the first birthday since on. Later on I tried again but she keeps putting expectations on me and plays with my love for her. haven't seen her for 6 years now I think. But I also left the one good thing; my mothers' beliefs. I am grateful for my father to take me in, but I think now he was too traumatized by the happenings' in his life that he wasn't able to really connect with me when I moved in, we never discussed emotional parts or had a good talk the first year or more. Maybe we had later on but still, he always felt distant from me, as today I am afraid. Like he is half a ghost; He lives, but always seems unaware of half of what happens.. doing his routine over and over. You can talk but he forgets. Never said he loved me or anything, just he living his life and I mine besides his. I know he loves me, but sad it is.
So you can see I've been through some shit and still leaving out alot because it would be too long to read. I want to get to the point myself as like;
I am feeling okay lately and really are keeping my balance, feeling overall good and livin' prosperous as I actually always do. The only thing I really long still is having a connection with people. I don't know if it's me, them, or both.. I moved alot so it was hard to remain friendships, but I also think I find it hard to make friends because I feel like a strange ducky; I fear my past has changed me so much that I understand depth that my peers do not. It could be arrogance, but it must at least have some truth in it. It takes alot of energy to be around new people and since a year I have become alot more solitary, because I don't want to drink really, use drugs or stay up at night. I live a peaceful life reading, working out, pursue a nice career and sum good meditation (and tea) sessions. And try to keep a few good friendships going, which are going very well. But I haven't been in a relationship for 6 years and now I feel like I am ready (a healthy one this time I promise), only the women around me I feel like they are not (ghosting, are most interested in themselves, looking for checking their grocerylist, communicate intensely vague). I've had quite some experience with women and don't struggle to get dates, but I really find it hard to find real connection/understanding. I got on a new datingapp where you go on date when you match without chatting, sounds great not? Only with the first 3 matches they postponed the date already 6 times, two doubles, mostly same day/few hours before. And with horrible reason and effort after really. I also find the girls I have approached in real life and dated seem occupied, and some of those things i just listed. Generally very cold women here in Holland, is my experience (but there are always exceptions on ones' rules ofcourse);
''Has this world changed its' moral value, or is it I?''
.. So I wonder; do I need to change myself, or my environment? Do I maybe have a lack of connection what makes me feel like I lack connection, or am I still missing something internally? Or both? And do I need to be more patient while feeling a little righteous lack-of?
If you want to ask, share or give your worldview of anything please do so! I am here to learn, not to know it better.
Huge propz to dr K, thanks for the ton of knowledge I already learned from you for free and thanks for this reddit page!
thanks for reading!
​
side question: It could be obvious but is my history a normal one? or is it a bit different from the usual? I wouldn't know really, I like to see myself as normal
​
TL;DR: Life is going great, Life wás hell & felt like sharing, question; is there a chance for real love?
​
​

Please use this thread for discussion
Weds, May 29, 2024📍 Estadio Santiago Bernabéu
Thur, May 30, 2024📍 Estadio Santiago Bernabéu
Posts you may have missed from the past 10(ish) days:

1. Way Back Machine
   
2. A Clockwork Orange
   
3. Instant Karma
   

TTPD posts you may have missed from release week:

1. The White Album — from the person who writes about The Beatles
2. Space Imagery — love this, short & sweet
3. I Hate It Here: Emily Dickinson & Bearding
4. ATW + The Manuscript — video showing the music similarities
5. Twin Theory — taylor is her own twin
6. Maude + Peter — about the most famous actress who played Peter
7. “Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus?” Is a Letter to Herself
8. The Hidden Story
9. BBC article on Taylor, relating her to Sappho — yes, they did
10. 2 Taylors: Fortnight & Lover Era — very interesting and haven’t seen it discussed much
11. KIM = Knowledge Information Management
12. Peter, Wendy, and “The Epistemology of the Closet” — last, but most assuredly not least!!

I’m not great with words, plus I’m grieving a bit, so I hope this makes a sense.
I’m the atheist. My childhood pet just died. I came across a poem that really resonates with me, however, the very last line mentions the pet finding a place in heaven. To me, it’s more of a symbolic (is that the right word?) thing. I can appreciate the sentiment and the imagery, even if I don’t actually believe in heaven. IIRC, the Bible says animals don’t have souls and can’t go to heaven anyway.
I would like to share this poem on Facebook, but I’m wondering it’s poor taste to reference a religion I’m not a part of. To me, heaven is a nice idea, a kind sentiment. I also wonder if my religious relatives are going get false hope that I have finally “seen the light“.
Here is the poem:
Your favorite chair is vacant now. No eager purrs to greet me. No softly padded paws to run Ecstatically to meet me. No coaxing rubs, no plaintive cry Will say it’s time for feeding. I’ve put away your bowl, and all The things you won’t be needing; But I will miss you little friend, For I could never measure The happiness you brought me, The comfort and the pleasure. And since you were put here to share In earthly joy and sorrow; I’m sure there’ll be a place for you In Heaven’s bright tomorrow

I’m not great with words, plus I’m grieving a bit, so I hope this makes a sense.
My childhood pet just died. I came across a poem that really resonates with me, however, the very last line mentions the pet finding a place in heaven. To me, it’s more of a symbolic (is that the right word?) thing. I can appreciate the sentiment and the imagery, even if I don’t actually believe in heaven. IIRC, the Bible says pets don’t go to heaven anyway.
I would like to share this poem on Facebook, but I’m wondering it’s poor taste to reference a religion I’m not a part of. To me, heaven is a nice idea, a positive sentiment. I also wonder if my religious relatives are going get false hope that I have finally “seen the light“.
Here is the poem:
Your favorite chair is vacant now. No eager purrs to greet me. No softly padded paws to run Ecstatically to meet me. No coaxing rubs, no plaintive cry Will say it’s time for feeding. I’ve put away your bowl, and all The things you won’t be needing; But I will miss you little friend, For I could never measure The happiness you brought me, The comfort and the pleasure. And since you were put here to share In earthly joy and sorrow; I’m sure there’ll be a place for you In Heaven’s bright tomorrow

Hi all, unfortunately House of Leaves was not what I hoped but I'd love to hear someone else's thoughts on my thoughts. Here is my full review:
"House of Leaves” offers some admittedly creepy imagery, but not enough to justify all 700+ pages. To be honest, I could not wait to finish this book and was constantly checking my progress to the next chapter.
First of all, it is IMPERATIVE to understand (especially for first time readers, as I was) that "House of Leaves" is partly a spoof/parody of academic writing. Knowing that gave me license to skim through the particularly dense sections, like the dry analyses on dreams, film techniques, architecture, smiles (not kidding), etc. These sections comprise about 30% of the book, so I absolutely would have stopped reading if I hadn't known this ahead of time. And I write academic and technical material for a living!
On a related note, ignore the literary gatekeepers who insist that you have to read every endnote, including the gibberish, to "fully appreciate" this book. If you're like me, the only thing you will fully appreciate is what it means to be held hostage by boring text. There are much better uses of your time than analyzing a Latin quote about snails or a French poem about pelicans or some other nonsense you'll forget 3 pages later. My method was to skim for relevant keywords so I could return to those passages as needed, which happened very rarely.
HERE BE SPOILER-RELATED BEEFS

1. The “climax.” To me, the most unsettling point in the entire story was the full-team exploration near the halfway mark. This was a more effective climax than Navidson's solo expedition in the end because at that point I no longer cared about Navidson. Why? He proved himself to be reckless, self-absorbed thrill seeker at the expense of all those he claimed to love. I felt that he deserved whatever came his way by re-entering the house after seeing what he'd seen. Even if the idea is that the house somehow lured Navidson back/that he had no control over his actions, this isn't supported well enough. (The strongest evidence for this theory is a cryptic letter Navidson wrote while he was drunk.) As a result, his final expedition (and the intended climax of the story) just felt like a middle finger to his brother, who sacrified his life to get Navidson's daughter OUT of the house. It would be one thing if Navidson's solo expedition was some kind of rescue attempt to get his brother back, but it wasn't. He just wanted more footage because he's a MaD GeNiUs FiLmOgRaPhEr!
2. Since the house slowly consumes whatever's in it, I genuinely don't understand the characters' continued decision to rely on light sticks and items to mark their way. They know this, they've seen it with their own eyes, but they keep relying on disappearing markers for reasons unknown.
3. In the end (as far as the Navidson Record is concerned), the house dissolves and gives Karen her husband back because...true love, I guess. This immediately changed my view of the house from an insidious eldritch horror to the confused but well-meaning Pat from Disney's "Smart House."
4. The color coding scheme (e.g., "house" is always in blue) adds absolutely nothing to the story as far as I can see. And if I missed the whole point of the color coding because I skimmed past an upside down footnote written in Latin back on page 500, so be it.
5. The story never effectively breaks the 4th wall like I was hoping it would.
6. There were some genuinely creepy moments in the Johnny Truant sections (e.g., Johnny encountering another version of the manuscript with his name it), but these weren't enough to carry the rest of his godforsaken drivel. Here's all you need to know about the Johnny Truant chapters, really: Reading the manuscript slowly makes him delusional (and apparently sex-obsessed), he has abusive mommy and step-daddy issues, and his best friend is a Tyler Durden wannabe. That’s pretty much it. Then, after hundreds of pages of nonsensical journal entries, there's no resolution for him. At one point it’s insinuated that he’s destined to commit suicide, but he apparently lives long enough to help the publishers with one of the appendices, so who knows.
7. What would have been really creepy revelations turn out to be dead ends. For example, the insinuation that Zampano is actually Tom (via the same-sentence shift of "him" to "me" around page 320) is never brought up again and is later shown to be impossible because Tom dies. Another one is the weird shared characteristics between Johnny’s mom and Karen (the pink ribbon in their hair, their overly rehearsed smiles, etc). Another disappointing “OH GOD, MIND BLOWN…wait, no, that can’t be” moment. Just more confusion for the sake of confusion, I guess.
8. The only thing you need to know from the Exhibits (one of the many over-long appendices) is that the house somehow rematerializes after Navidson's final solo exhibition. I guess this is supposed to be ominous, but I still don’t see how. As long as you have the power of true love, the house will let you live, I guess.
9. All of the creepy images included in the appendices would have been much better served in-text, where they’re actually relevant, as opposed to crammed in the back after a bunch of untranslated poems about pelicans that effectively hit the brakes on any lingering sense of horror.
10. Mark Z. Danielewski added that entire appendix of poetry about pelicans just to let people he’s met have their poems published. They're about pelicans because they were written with a Pelican brand pen. This tells you everything you need to know about the value of all his cryptic “subtext.”

Hey all,
I illustrate comics @iizcat starting my cat Minnie. I’ve built a decent social media following and one of my dreams is to get a collection published. I have a few illustrated poems that I’ve completed. Here is my query letter attempt… (I feel like I’m completely missing the mark here)
The project I am submitting is a collection of illustrated poems that star my cat, Minnie, from @iizcat.
@iizcat is a popular social media personality that features videos, comics, and pictures of Minnie. @iizcat has over 230k YouTube subscribers, 118k Instagram followers, over 350k Facebook followers, and 75k TikTok followers.
The five samples below are poems I wrote and illustrated called “The Night The Cat Was Abducted”, “The Cat In The Window”, “The Cat Who Caught A Ghost”, “The Cat And The Nutcracker”, and “The Cat Behind The Mirror”. A few of these poems have gone viral on social media including Reddit and Imgur.
I like to write about and from the perspective of my mischievous cat, Minnie. Minnie’s comics started as little doodles on the whiteboard of my refrigerator of my old apartment. Those doodles made my wife laugh and she encouraged me to draw them as comics and share them on social media. I was hesitant at first due to my colorblindness but I’m glad I took the leap because the comics of Minnie have gained a loyal following.
Looking forward to hearing from you!
Thanks,
iizcat
Synopsis:
The Cat In The Window - a spin on Alfred Hitchcock's movie, "Rear Window", Minnie the cat likes to spy on her neighbors and learns to stay away from apartment 408, the home of Mr. Kipper who has a suspicious looking zipper under his hat. iizcat blog post
The Cat Who Caught A Ghost - Minnie's dad wakes up to the howling and moaning of a ghost at the foot of his bed. Minnie somehow caught a ghost and Minnie's dad is left to deal with the consequences. iizcat blog post
The Night The Cat Was Abducted - Minnie hears strange noises on the roof and goes out the cat door to investigate. She discovers 3 little aliens that take her on the trip of a lifetime. iizcat blog post
The Cat And The Nutcracker - a spin on the classic Nutcracker Christmas story, Minnie is awoken to the march of the Nutcrackers as they move towards the basement door. Something is trying to get out and Minnie is thrust into the chaos. iizcat blog post
The Cat Behind The Mirror – a short little 4 panel poem of Minnie’s humorous encounter with a mirror and the cat that lives behind it. iizcat blog post

Hello - I've read many of the queries on here before joining and am wondering now if mine is too short. My first few drafts read more like a synopsis, so I shortened it. Maybe too much? Thanks in advance for your critiques.
Dear Agent,
In the Appalachian heartland, where the shadows of moonshiners still linger, twelve-year-old twins Ransom and Splendid “Plennie” McCauley uncover secrets that threaten to unravel their tight-knit community.
When their friend Leamon “Rabbit” Neal stumbles upon a crime scene involving the town’s most menacing figure, Billy Banks, their lives are irrevocably changed. Rabbit’s discovery of a bloodied knife and his subsequent disappearance spark a desperate search for the truth. But in Blind Horse, some truths are as slippery as river stones, and the deeper you wade, the more dangerous the currents become.
With the local sheriff appearing to shield Billy Banks from suspicion, it’s up to Ransom and Plennie to piece together clues left behind, guided by a centuries-old poem about a blind horse and moonshiners. Their quest for justice leads them through the rugged landscape of their Appalachian Kentucky home, where folklore and reality intertwine so closely that they often become indistinguishable.
Complete at 35,000 words, Blind Horse Holler is an upper middle-grade book that blends mystery and adventure, speaking to the enduring questions of how well we really know those around us and what it takes to stand against wrongdoing in a community where everyone knows your name.
Thank you for your time and consideration.

I submitted a poem and a couple of short stories to Writerly Magazine, a really cool small literary magazine for beginning writers (https://www.paperbacksandco.com/mag). Anything similar? I was thinking of maybe just saying screw it and submitting to Poetry Foundation and maybe other places. I know it works like credit, you have to have published somewhere to get been published anywhere, but I write a lot and would like to have others read my work. I know it’s hard and I will just be rejected, but just submitting stuff makes me feel good.
My prose is mainly short narratives, personal essays, and dabbling in unstructured poetry (don’t laugh, Bukowski did it, why can’t I). I hope my writing isn’t too shit, I have English degree dammit.