I hate my cuckold husband

TLDR: I’m stressed and it’s making me hateful towards other parents for no good reason
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I’m finding this sub to be really supportive, so hoping I can ask about a pretty horrid set of feelings I’ve been having.
I’m having a really hard time adjusting to motherhood and going back to work, and all this stress and anxiety is manifesting as feeling horribly judgemental of people parenting differently to me.
This is entirely my issue, nobody I know is an awful parent, but I’ve been overcome with judgemental feelings anyway. I know it’s a defence mechanism but I’m not happy with how I’m reacting.
An example is that I don’t want to sleep train my bad sleeper. A friend had great success with a sleep trainer and will not stop recommending her to me. When I asked her to stop, she mentioned it to my husband instead. Obviously that’s a bit shit but I know she’s trying to help. I now feel consumed by judgment on EVERYTHING she does- and she is a good parent, she just has a different approach to me. This is just one example, but basically I feel angry unless I’m with someone with an identical parenting approach - which is obviously INSANITY.
How can I get myself to get off my high horse and behave like a normal bloody person 😩

(Throwaway account because my husband knows my main account)
The title sounds messed up already, but hear me out. I (34F) live together with my husband (35M), two children (6F & 8M) and his parents. We've been married for over a decade and I love him, but let's just say he's not the easiest to make compromises with and usually hates it when things don't go his way. I'll quickly list a few examples below:

• He has been unemployed for 2-3 years. He's lazy to find a job, but uses the excuse of "taking care of the kids" to stay at home everyday.
• He wears only boxers at home everyday (no shirt or shorts/pants), even when guests come over. I told him before that it's inappropriate to dress like that in front of our kids (especially my daughter who's growing up), but he always says "my house, my rules".
• He's a very heavy smoker. He usually smokes 2-3 packs a day. The worst part about this is that he smokes INSIDE the house (bedroom/living room). This is despite the fact that his mother has emphysema (a lung condition that can cause breathing difficulties) and that he stays near the kids while at home. I always tell him to smoke outside to protect his mom and our kids from the secondhand smoke, but he says he doesn't care and that he's too lazy to go out every 20-30 minutes just to smoke.
• Because he's unemployed, I have to give him cash everyday for him to purchase cigarettes. Sometimes he'll even demand money from his own parents or my parents if he feels like smoking more.

The last straw for me came just a few days ago. My parents came to visit us for a couple of weeks. The eight of us were supposed to have a family meal together. I asked him to put some clothes on out of respect for both our parents, but he refused and chose to remain in boxers. I also told him to cut down on smoking while my parents were staying over because both of them are asthmatic.
To my utter shock, he pulled out a cigarette and lighter DURING DINNER and started smoking AT THE DINNER TABLE. My mom started coughing profusely and she told him to only smoke after dinner, but he got agitated and told her to "shut the f up". I was extremely fed up at this point and scolded him in front of everyone, telling him off about all the pointers I listed off earlier.
It's been a few days and he still hasn't talked to me since that night (apart from asking me for money). Was I too harsh on him? Am I in the wrong for scolding him in front of everyone else? Please give some advice on what to do because I've been feeling guilt-ridden and having trouble falling asleep the past couple of days. Thank you!
EDIT: To everyone who's suggesting me to not give him money, I've tried that before. But he'll just give me the silent treatment and REFUSE to do the household chores until I give in. His parents have tried this as well, but he just threatens to kick them out of the house whenever they do this.

I’ve worked abroad pre marriage/kids. This will be my first time bringing my husband (trailing spouse) and 2 small kids to SE Asia. Going to Kuala Lumpur. We are very excited- but also aware it’s not going to be an easy adjustment in the beginning.
Older kid is 4 years old, second kid is 10 months. Baby will be fine, mostly worried about my toddler. Any advice?
For starters, I know it’s not ideal to keep moving. In the past I usually stay at a school for 2-3 years. I would like to stay longer so we can make this new place a home.
4 year old HATES the heat so I’m worried about that. Also loves her life here in our city. Loves her friends, neighbors, family, home… it will be a big adjustment and haven’t broken the news yet.
Please send me any advice, even the smallest will be most appreciated!! Thank you

(Throwaway account because my husband knows my main account)
The title sounds messed up already, but hear me out. I (34F) live together with my husband (35M), two children (6F & 8M) and his parents. We've been married for over a decade and I love him, but let's just say he's not the easiest to make compromises with and usually hates it when things don't go his way. I'll quickly list a few examples below:

• He has been unemployed for 2-3 years. He's lazy to find a job, but uses the excuse of "taking care of the kids" to stay at home everyday.
• He wears only boxers at home everyday (no shirt or shorts/pants), even when guests come over. I told him before that it's inappropriate to dress like that in front of our kids (especially my daughter who's growing up), but he always says "my house, my rules".
• He's a very heavy smoker. He usually smokes 2-3 packs a day. The worst part about this is that he smokes INSIDE the house (bedroom/living room). This is despite the fact that his mother has emphysema (a lung condition that can cause breathing difficulties) and that he stays near the kids while at home. I always tell him to smoke outside to protect his mom and our kids from the secondhand smoke, but he says he doesn't care and that he's too lazy to go out every 15-20 minutes just to smoke.
• Because he's unemployed, I have to give him cash everyday for him to purchase cigarettes. Sometimes he'll even demand money from his own parents or my parents if he feels like smoking more.

The last straw for me came just a few days ago. My parents came to visit us for a couple of weeks. The eight of us were supposed to have a family meal together. I asked him to put some clothes on out of respect for both our parents, but he refused and chose to remain in boxers. I also told him to cut down on smoking while my parents were staying over because both of them are asthmatic.
To my utter shock, he pulled out a cigarette and lighter DURING DINNER and started smoking AT THE DINNER TABLE. My mom started coughing profusely and she told him to only smoke after dinner, but he got agitated and told her to "shut the f up". I was extremely fed up at this point and scolded him in front of everyone, telling him off about all the pointers I listed off earlier.
It's been a few days and he still hasn't talked to me since that night (apart from asking me for money). Was I too harsh on him? Am I in the wrong for scolding him in front of everyone else? Please give some advice on what to do because I've been feeling guilt-ridden and having trouble falling asleep the past couple of days. Thank you!

Bismillah.
Ooooff. This is going to be a very harsh on myself, but I need whatever guidance I can get.
Okay, my family is very worried about how I am approaching potentials/rishtas for marriage.
They explain to me in detail how I've self sabotaged every single potential. How I've behaved or been during the time the potential was there. I didn't know this about myself until now.
But damn, I've really done this all wrong. I didn't realise I was self sabotaging.
Before I blamed it on the fact that I like someone else. (I really had myself believed I liked a man). So I asked him if he wanted to marry me and he said no. I thought I self sabotaged because of my feelings for him. But I already knew that I didn't feel this way about him. (It's just a way to turn away from the actual marriage itself cos I knew he would say no, before he even said it).
But the self sabotaging didn't stop there.
When I really thought about it today, I realised I am so scared to get married. I feel kinda disgusted to rely on another person. I feel cringed at the whole thought of falling in love. (trust me, this is coming from a person who grew up on romance novels, I love love.)
But Ew. I just can't comprehend someone trying to get close to me.
I hate working lol, but I'm super scared of having to rely on anyone financially. (I've been telling my family how I want to work as many hours as possible so I can save up, just incase my husband messes up).
Wallahi, I feel so bad. I want to apologise to all the people I've made to feel bad cos I wasn't doing a good job/or I made them feel a certain way.
I'm so scared of men lol. I don't think I view them very well.
(I've seen good and bad marriages, so it's not to do with anyone's marriages).
I'm just so scared. I'm so scared of being vulnerable to anyone. Even if I make myself a little vulnerable to a man, I just get embarrassed. Oh Allah.
I don't know what to do?
(Please don't be harsh when giving guidance.)

I've been with my boyfriend for a little under a year now. I know it seems very short and like nothing, but we were long time friends before and I was planning my whole future around him. We started as fwb and I probably wasn't ready for a full term committed relationship when we got into one, but yeah.
I left my previous bf because of my non-straight and non-monogamous feelings PLUS me liking him (current ending relationship). I feel sick. This man is truly husband material. He's everything I wanted and more. My mom loves him, he goes out of his way for me, cooks, caring, kind, strong, nurse, S-tier husband material, etc., but he's very traditionally monogamous. In the beginning, he said he was open to going to like bdsm clubs and sharing me, but recently it's been 100% no now. I've never explored with more than 1 person before and I thought that I could go with just him since I loved him so much. But these thoughts keep coming up between us and our conflicting views of love keep hurting us. It's a week before his birthday and 2 weeks before we dont see each other for a whole month due to family vacations. We talked about this on video call and he doesn't want physical contact with me.
He's my best friend, I don't know what I'd do without him. I saw a perfect life with him. My mom (most important) and ENTIRE rest of (hard to please, Asian) family absolutely adore him, he works hard and loves hard. He was there for me for my previous break ups. Hes bought me so much stuff and taken me so many places. I'm basically his only friend too. I dont want to hurt him. He's going through so much. My parents are already openly homophobic, what would they think of me breaking up with seemingly the perfect guy. I can't come clean that I'm queer.
None of this seems real. I want to postpone it but he doesn't. He said down the line we could be friends but I'm just so scared. I keep thinking that if I wasn't like this then this wouldn't be happening. I feel like i could be monogamous in the future. I hate that i am this way but at the same time i love when others are their true selves. My world is crumbling around me.
TLDR: my bf and I are in the process of breaking up bcuz of my polyamorous feelings and I'm hating myself because of it, and so scared for the future. Plus it's his bday soon

Using a throwaway for privacy.
I (33F) recently moved back to my home country with my husband (M36) and our kids (2,5). We lived abroad for 7 years so this was my first mother's day back in our home country where both my mom and MIL live.
I don't really have a relationship with my in laws mainly due to my husband and them having a complicated relationship (lots of boundary stomping on their part, especially MIL who is very controlling, he had a bad childhood due to MIL not letting him have friends or leave their home for anything other than school and many other reasons). Him wanting to get away from them was the main reason he moved to another country and he had been NC with them for 2 years at one point. Now that we live ~30min apart, we see them every 3-4 months for a maybe an hour and that's about it. My husband sometimes talks to them on the phone, I don't.
Now, the situation. On mother's day, my husband and kids made me breakfast in bed, kids also drew me pictures. After that, my sister picked me and my mom up and we went to a spa and later a restaurant. My kids also drew a picture for my mom (encouraged by my husband I'm sure). My mom posted said picture and some other moments from the day on social media, which she, just like many other middle aged women, often does.
MIL saw my mom's post on facebook and called me (for the first time ever) angry crying, blaming me for ripping her family apart and rubbing it in her face on facebook. She thinks I chose the restaurant we went to just to hurt her (it's very close to her home and I did not choose it, my sister did). Apparently my husband did nothing for her on mother's day. Honestly, I didn't think about her at all that day as we're not close at all. Neither did I tell my husband to include her in his plans as he's a grown man.
I feel really bad about her yelling at me and crying because I hate conflict. My husband told me to ignore it because it's typical behaviour from his mom. According to him, she was unable to get to him so now she's trying to manipulate me into doing what she wants. My sister, however, said I probably should have invited MIL to the restaurant because it's literally 1min walk from her apartment so of course she's hurt now. AITAH here?

I’m not gonna lie, I’m just posting this to vent, and maybe get some validation and encouragement.
My ex and I broke up last year, May 2023. I know deep down it needed to happen because we were together 7.5 years and had nothing together. I spent the last couple years constantly asking wth we’re doing. We’d have breakups and then he’d tell me he wants to have babies and wants to take care of me. That never happened. We never lived together. The final breakup was because I finally hit that point of resenting him. I gave him my best years because I truly thought we were gonna make it. He got me a ring in the end, but it felt like a “here ya go, this’ll shut you up” ring. And just didn’t feel like what I know I deserve.
When I’m in a relationship, I’m loyal to a fault. I saw no one else but him. Truly TRULY deeply loved him. Really believed he’d be my husband and the father of our future kids. He was my absolute best friend.
Mind you, he tried to come back and make it work. But there’s just this weird distance between us now. And I can’t get rid of it. He took me on dates and bought me flowers to make up for a lot of the ways he took me for granted… and I just felt numb. So we “tried” and it just felt like it needed to end.
But now I’m alone and miss the great parts of us. I lay here and keep seeing the moments of us CRACKING UP at stupid things and inside jokes. I wish I still had that. He was truly the love of my life.
I hate that I’m alone now. I know ppl don’t like to admit that, but I don’t care. I hate that he let it go so easily when we did end it. I truly miss him as my counterpart. I feel so broken. It’s been a year and I really don’t know how people get through this.
I’m constantly told I’m beautiful, “gorgeous”, funny, intelligent, in shape, loving, sharp, great with kids, all of these great qualities that ppl follow up with “you’ll find someone”… but I HAD him and I don’t understand how I’m supposed to just accept that I’ll never cuddle with him again, go to his house after work, lay in bed watching movies, go to concerts together, family parties, make future plans etc.
Everyone around me thinks I’m okay but I’m really not.
I’ve also been going on dates, and I have fun and I can be in the moment. But then I have a breakdown (like right now as I’m typing this) and I don’t get it. I really thought he would be my husband and we’d just live a quiet simple life.
TL;DR: I miss my ex and idk how im going to survive this.

I 19M. I sent my sister's abusive husband to jail. He used to beat up my sister, niece and nephew. Before showing proof to the police me and my friends beat him up. Obviously the police doesnt know that. Now my sister hates me because he was the ''love of her life''. So AITAH?

I hate myself and I feel like such a cliche. I (f)got married young (21) to my husband who is a couple years older. I think a few things led to me personally making this life choice. My parents had a messy divorce which left me estranged from my father and feeling forgotten about/replaced by my mother and I was Obsessed with starting my own family. I even thought I wanted to be a young mom at the time. So we got married young after 4 years of dating. I was also brought up religious and that combined with my mental illness made me cling to purity culture beyond a healthy amount even after I stopped being christian. My husband was my first kiss (at 18), first everything… you get it.
he’s known the whole time he’s been with me that it’s my life long dream to live in New York to pursue my dream career. he’s always been supportive and honestly he’s a great man. He’s honest and loving and so completely giving. Anyway, fast forward we’ve been married 2 years and living in New York for a year. my whole life and self has changed. Im realizing all the things I want to with my life, I’m making friends, I’m going places, on trips with my friends. My husband does nothing at all besides play video games with his friends that are back in our home town. It’s not even that he’s lazy because he’s really not. He does his part and more when it comes to chores he just isn’t taking care of HIMSELF. He never has to leave the couch because he works from home. So do I. So we are together at home all day. And I feel guilty building a life and living it. he hasnt tried making friends at all. Has no other hobbies. This man hasn’t left our tiny apartment for a year. I feel like his whole existence orbits around me and video games and it’s making me crazy. I’ve seen a difference in him from before we moved and he agreed with me he won’t stay happy long term. I’ve cried to him about this several times now but it’s just like he’s paralyzed or something. He’s not taking care of himself in any way. I feel like we’re holding each other back
i am trying to keep this short so I’m not going to go into every detail or other problems we have, like whether or not we’ll be compatible parents, but there’s one thing we all know changes and determines everything: sex. I’m just gonna give it to you straight. It’s not good. It took me forever to realize because I had nothing to compare it to. I used to think I was not a sexual person but it turns out I think he’s the one who isn’t. even today it’s been almost two weeks and he hasn’t even mentioned it. I have tried asking to try new things a couple times in the past but he’s not that receptive. I’ve been with him for 6 years total and I’ve never finished without … help. It gets to a point where when he finally does initiate I’ve already taken care of it myself or just don’t want to. And these days I just don’t feel attracted. The guilt is eating me alive. There’s nothing anyone can say that I don’t think worse of myself. Not even the most woman hating incel lol(boy would they love this story fml) I would never ever cheat but I feel like a teenager any Mild attraction I have towards anyone else spirals into endless fantasizing and it’s driving me literally crazy and again, makes me so guilty I want to die... I don’t know where to end this and its already pretty long so I guess I’ll leave it there for now. I feel Like the only person in the world with this problem. are these problems fixable? I’m left with a lot of moral questions which I guess aren’t allowed. What makes a marriage with big foundational problems salvageable? Am I being too selfish? I know certain things fade anyway but feeling like we’re already there in our early twenties is… so depressing.
tl;dr: got married young. same bs cliche problems you expect arose and I just found out youre supposed to actually really enjoy sex. And I want to. but I don’t. Not sure where to go from here

I discovered booze at 16 and jumped in full-force. In many ways, I’ve stayed functional — I’ve never drank in the mornings, never gotten a DUI, never lost friends or family due to to my alcohol use. I can go a day or two without drinking, and I’ve never had withdrawals. What’s the big deal, right?
I also drank ALMOST daily, struggled to stick to “just a few,” obsessed over drinking at events, spent most weekends hungover. Drunk me cried and wallowed in self-hate. Blackout me yelled and picked fights with my husband (fights he forgave me for, thank god).
Last October, at age 32, I finally quit. For 6 whole months! …Then, a few weeks ago, “moderation” reared its ugly head.
“It’s been ages, I’ll be fine!!!! I mean, if I wasn’t fine, I couldn’t do the 6 months?? I’ll definitely be able to moderate now, I obviously just needed a reset!!! Honestly I DESERVE it for all the hard work I’ve put in.”
My tolerance is now much lower, so the alcohol obviously hits harder. One night, after a particularly tough day at work, I had two glasses of red wine. (Just two glasses! Look, I’m moderating!)
As I lay in bed, I felt a familiar feeling. My head was heavy, my mind was foggy. I began to drift from myself. I wanted to leave my body, my brain, my being behind. I wanted to run from the beautiful life I’ve created — to quietly self destruct until I severed my home and my family and my community. I wanted to walk off the edge of the world. I wanted to cease to exist—not as an act of violence towards myself, but as an inevitable end to a life I don’t feel I deserve. I wanted to sink into the abyss and never, ever come out.
The next morning, I realized — during my 6 months of sobriety, I never once experienced that feeling.
Anxiety? Often. Depression? Occasionally. But that horrible, self-hating, dissociative gloom? Not even once.
Is this the “moderation” I’ve been chasing? Because, in the sobering light of day, it really doesn’t seem worth it.
IWNDWYT

Three miscarriages deep and I’m so bitter, unhappy, and short fused. Long story short is I have had three chemical pregnancies. This last one has been difficult. I started to miscarry about a week after finding out. I bled for about 5 days. Approximately two weeks later I find out I didn’t miscarry all the way and my body had to go through the process again. It was 30 hours of intense cramping. Bled for 13 days total. I had 5 days of no bleeding and I started bleeding again. Currently have been bleeding now for four days. To say it’s been a lot, is an understatement. I have experienced all three losses in 2024 alone.
My OBGYN practice pissed me off by speaking to a rude and dismissive doctor on the phone to go over some results. Mother’s Day didn’t help.
Yesterday, I exploded. My husband was doing some work around the house and I told him for weeks regarding this project that I wanted to go with him to pick out the correct shade of white for the house. He went without me and while I was out doing errands he painted without my knowledge. Obviously I was a bit annoyed considering, but it’s paint and can be painted over. We bickered back and forth. I’m crying and now and so pissed off that I stormed off to the bathroom, slammed the door, and punched a hole in the door.
I’ve never done anything like that before. Storm off and slam doors, sure. But punch a hole in door is a new one for me. Ever since this last miscarriage, I’ve told me husband a few times when I’ve been really angry out of the blue that I just want to break a bunch of stuff. I’ve been so full of rage with this whole process. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I wanna lie in bed and rot away just about everyday. I hate everything.
How do I stop feeling like this? 😞

This is gonna be a long one because I have so much shit to say and keeping it all in makes me wanna hurt myself. I don't even know how to lay this all but here it goes. I'm in love with a married woman that has told me she loves me too, but I fear is just using me for sex and attention due to her marital issues.
Me and C (25F) met at work around 9 months and she was actually my boss before I left the job. I had just started working again after suffering from long covid, and even now am not completely better and mainly deal with the neuro-psychiatric symptoms such as bouts of psychosis, anhedonia, severe depression, night terrors, tinnitus, genital numbness and loss of libido, aphantasia, etc. Prior to this I had already been diagnosed with bipolar, ADHD, and mild autism, but was able to manage these things throughout my life with a healthy lifestyle. By the time I met her though, I was not and still am not stable in the slightest, and you'll realize why this is important.
When I first arrived back at work I immediately met C (25F) as she was the new director at the daycare I had gotten rehired at after being away for many months due to school, and she was the one who rehired me. I thought she was nice at first and acknowledged that she was attractive, but that was the extent of my thoughts on her. She's a married woman with 3 kids. My sickness and mental issues could not fathom the idea of dating, much less initiating anything with a married woman, which is something I wouldn't even fathom to do prior to my sickness. At this point I had spent the previous 6 months or so in isolation, away from my friends, having left school, and fighting to not kill myself everyday because of how bad my condition felt. So yeah, dating and people in general wasn't really something I cared to do.
Anyways, as I started working more I realized how much I'd changed since pre-covid me and how difficult things were now. I'd get fatigued easily, have mental fog, and the worst of it was panic attacks from the over-stimulation working around kids. My coworkers would get annoyed at me and my mistakes, as I didn't tell anyone about my condition outside of that I'd gotten very sick in the past, so me and them would argue and get into it. It felt like hell going to work so one night I flat out tried to quit and told the manager there I couldn't do it anymore and was leaving. She called C who showed up and pulled me aside to talk outside. I then proceeded to break down and explained to her every last detail of my condition and all of what I was experiencing, without holding anything back. Instead of agreeing that I was unfit to work however, she actually listened for a long time and offered input that was actually helpful. She told me she could start scheduling me more with her, and that way if I got overwhelmed at work she understands my situation and could give me some leeway, not expect so much of me. I appreciated that a lot and agreed to stay on as long as she didn't expect me to be great or anything.
From there on out, me and C became close friends. She started texting me more right after that night, and we started working a lot more together. We talked a lot and she made me feel comfortable, but she also flirted a fuckton even before I opened up to her about my issues. Well, I thought that's something she'd stop after I told her about my broken dick and slew of other issues that could warrant me being put in a mental asylum, but she didn't. She just picked it up even more. I also thought for a while she was bored and wanted to play around with me since I clearly wasn't looking to get into anything, so eventually I just started returning the energy and flirting back. Fuck it is what I said to myself.
Well, after work one night I was walking her to her car and gave her a hug goodbye, and this is when she leaned into kiss me. This was 5 months ago. It actually felt really good because I hadn't been with a girl since my ex before I got sick, a good 8 or 9 months prior to this happening, but I was also like what the fuck. I questioned her on it and was like hey don't you have a husband and she was like yeah but I needed to kiss you idk why. I was like ok I won't tell anyone but yeah lets just chill and not do all that yk. Well it obviously didn't stop there because she started texting me even more and we ended up kissing again, and again, and again. I felt guilty everytime but I couldn't help myself. I presented the most broken version of myself to her and somehow she was still attracted and made me feel comfortable which is something I'd been missing. No one in my life validated my illness or showed me the slightest of empathy except for her. So safe to say she reeled me in with my own vulnerability, as I know a healthy version of myself wouldn't have allowed this to go on. I started thinking about her constantly and couldn't stop obsessing.
The guilt of it happening ate up at me, but the fear of me getting attached to someone whos married and could never reciprocate what I wanted and needed from a partner ate up at me even more. I wanted to break the attachment, so at the end of February I quit the job and said i was moving onto another gig. After this me and C didn't contact each other for sometime, but she called me after a week asking to hang out. If I'm being honest, I'd been missing her badly that whole week and straight up felt like a drug addict going through withdrawal. I couldn't help myself and agreed. From there, i started going over to her place while her husband would work overnight to have sex and chill. My dick was starting work more at this point, and even though I couldn't feel much pleasure there i could get erect again, so I took advantage with her. She's told me she loves me and acts cool and all but the mental stress of this is causing me is crazy. Like I'm actually thinking so irrationally I don't know what to do.
At first I was cool with going with the flow but now I hate being the side nigga. I'm jealous of her husband and hate that she has to contact me in secrecy. I hate that i can only see her at night after dark. I hate that she tells me she loves but I don't really believe her. I hate that she told me shes getting a divorce after explaining to me all her marital issues and I don't believe her. I hate that I don't really trust anything she says because she's cheating on her husband. I hate that I got so attached. I hate that my perception of her is completely broken now because she's cheating and I'm the one helping her do it. I hate that she goes out on the weekends in a group of friends with her husband and I'm not there with her. I hate that I'm honestly being fuckin played and taken advantage of because I'm weak rn and am too much of a pussy to end it because I fell in love. I hate damn near everything about the situation except for holding her and being with her. Should I tell her all of this? Should I just end it? Should I tell her husband to get rid of the guilt and let her deal with the fallout? I genuinely don't fuckin know anymore.

I have a long narrow face which only became more obvious when I hit my 30s.
In my 20s I guess my face was more defined so I looked prettier. I used to get lots of compliments that I'm pretty and what not.
Now I'm 31, I traveled for a couple of months and was feeling great. But upon visiting home everyone was like "omg you lost weight" (which actually I'm trying to shed off some pounds and build muscle so I was happy) then they say "no your face looks too thin"
To the extent that one of my friends yesterday commented in front of my husband that my face looks gaunt and sunken
I tried face yoga for a few weeks before and saw subtle differences, but I'm not sure if it was just placebo.
And I'm seriously considering fillers although I'm scared of them because I'm afraid I will go blind??? And they're expensive and my husband keeps telling me I don't need them and he loves how I look and that he's against cosmetic surgery or whatever it's called
But it's really affecting me. It IS my face after all, which is the first thing people see. I even feel very self conscious when I'm having sex and try to hide my face. It's really getting to me. I hate taking pictures as well.
So will face yoga help? Or am I a helpless cause?

TW: brief mentions of depression, suicidal ideation, and attempted suicide
When I (28F) was growing up, I was the golden child of the family. I didn't know it back then. Up until I was in high school I had a younger sister and an older half sister I only saw a few times a year. It wasn't like I never got in trouble or got yelled at, in fact I have a very vivid and hurtful memory where I was called a liar by my parents when I was being 100% truthful (they just didn't want to hear it and wanted someone to be mad at I guess), and then I was told to just "suck it up and get over it". But compared to my younger sister, who was compared to me in every way, I always had the perfect grades, perfect attitude, perfect behavior, etc. Our parents, especially our mother, who was the main parent taking care of us during the week, pretty much pitted us against each other constantly. My little sister was being told she needed to be more like me, and I was told my sister was a bad kid. I would try to help her stay out of trouble as a kid and would get mad when she didn't listen to me because i didnt understand she was just being herself and didn't need to be exactly like me. Up until college, I didn't understand that my sister didn't need to change, she needed her parents to love her as she was and help her instead of trying to mold her into some ideal of perfection. We were picked apart constantly about every little thing we did, and I was expected to always somehow know everything even if I'd never learned it before. My house was full of constant yelling due to the extremely high expectations and my mother's terrible temper, and it became a very stressful place to be starting when i was around 10. We went through a lot of financial hardships as well since I was very young, so I dont want to dismiss how hard things were for my parents and how much they went through. But I have always been hyper aware of how much it costs for me to exist as my mom stressed so many times over the years that she couldn't afford to buy even a new shirt because she had to buy stuff for us, as if that was at all our fault.
When i was in high school, my baby brother was born. He pretty much instantly became the new golden child, not only because he was the youngest and the only boy, but because it became clear at a very young age how intelligent he is. I was a straight A honors kid and he was blowing me out of the water since he learned to read. I didn't mind at all because 1) I was going to be going to college in a couple years, and 2) with our age difference, he was as much my son as my brother, and I took on a very loving parental role with him of my own volition. I also saw the promise in him and I wanted him to live a happy life. My little sister and him are very close to this day, at least to my knowledge. During this time they were still coming down really hard on my little sister, treating her as well as they always had - meaning they still yelled at her constantly and were overly critical of her and everything she even thought about doing. They talked about sending her to military school more than once, and pretty much resigned themselves to the idea my sister would never be able to live on her own before she even got to high school, let alone graduated.
Flash forward to when I was in college, I started coming home and noticing things about how my parents treated my sister, and for the first time I saw it for how terrible it was for her. The distance and time I spent away from the house helped my little sister and I completely change our relationship by my second or third year. What really solidified it was a series of events that happened my junior and senior years of college.
My sister moved to our town with her husband with their 2 very young boys, and we soon found out she was pregnant with twins. That is kind of where it all began to fall apart. Time showed not only that her husband is a massive pos, but also potentially abusive, although we never got concrete proof. As my sister's pregnancy progressed and they struggled to get on their feet, my parents started watching my nephews for hours at a time, sometimes the whole day. And if my parents had to babysit out of nowhere and put their lives on hold, me and my younger siblings were expected to do the same. No toys, no books, no games - nothing. Essentially, the entire house was expected to babysit in a way that i have been told wasn't normal. Even my little brother was expected to take on this role in caring for kids who were only a couple years younger than him. I spent my entire childhood taking care of my little sister and then my baby brother, and I hated seeing how they were doing the same to him when me and my little sister were at the age where it shouldve been left up to us. I started really butting heads with my parents as the situation progressed because they started yelling at my baby brother when the boys would even bump their heads even though it wasnt his fault. He never mistreated them, hit them, pushed them , or anything, so my parents justified it by saying he wasn't being a "good uncle" by "letting them" bump their heads on the tv stand, for example. He was expected to let them play with all of his toys, and my mom tried letting the boys use things that were very important to my brother, which would've ended up with the boys taking those things home. Saying it that way makes it sound a lot more mild that it was, but I'm trying to save time and not give out too many personal details. I guess you could say in short, my parents began expecting my elementary school age brother to give up his time, his space, his toys, his gifts - anything that meant anything to him, to help care for children when he was still a child not much older than them. I ended up giving my baby brother my room to not only keep his stuff in, but to sleep in.
In the end, my sister had the twins and then moved back to her home state about 6 months later. We think her no good husband lied to her about us and she cut contact with all of us, and we haven't heard from her since. In our house, the damage was done. I had long conversations with my little sister when our parents weren't around about how she needed to get out because of how they were treating her, and how I would eventually graduate and move to a city where I could find a job. But neither of us wanted to leave our little brother in that house because we were worried how they would treat him when we both left. Our parents had already proven they would throw any of us to the side at any second, even their golden child baby boy, and blame even him for anything that went wrong. Our parents have a history of spilling all our business at any holiday meal and badmouthing any little mistake. They would talk shit about us in front of us and shame us in front of family our entire lives, and if my sister and i weren't there to take the brunt of it, how long until they turned on my baby brother. Would they even wait until he wasn't "perfect" anymore?
Throughout all of this, I was struggling a lot in college, and starting around junior year i became very depressed and suicidal, which resulted in a major attempt in my 5th year of college, which to this day i don't like talking about. Before that, however, I went to my mom about feeling depressed and told her i thought i needed to talk to someone. She brushed me off. I was dumb enough to think that maybe she thought i was exaggerating, so i tried a second time to ask her for help about a year later, and she brushed me off again. Part of me blames her almost entirely for my attempts, because i came to her before any of them because i knew thats where it was headed if i didnt get help. All she had to do was make a couple phone calls to find me someone to talk to and she couldn't even do that for me. I was a scared girl who needed her mom's help because i didnt know who to turn to, and she turned her back on me. After my final attempt, I pulled myself up and got help, but my financial aid ran out and I was unable to return to school and finish my degree, so I went back to my parents house and was absolutely miserable for the next 6 months. I felt like a failure, like I wasn't "perfect" like i was supposed to be. I felt suffocated every single day and like the only ones who wanted me there were my siblings. One day I tried a little experiment and sat in the living room with my mom for the entire day and she didn't say one single word to me, didnt even acknowledge my existence. Ever since the stuff with my nephews happened, I had doubled my efforts to protect my siblings and take the brunt of my mom's anger, so I pushed back a lot when they tried to get onto my siblings for ridiculous things. I ended up ghosting my friends for 3 months because I was so depressed, and it really scared them. It was then I knew i had to get out of that house or it would kill me, so I moved into my grandparents' house a town over.
Things at my grandparents' house started okay, and i was even able to confide in them what had been going on at my parents' house, which in the end turned out to be a big mistake. I got a job working overnight at a retail store and met the guy who is now my boyfriend of 3 years. Unfortunately, the longer i spent at my grandparents' house the more i saw where my mom got it from, and they ended up treating me just as bad as what was going on at my parents' house. The only difference was that my sister wasn't there so i was taking the brunt of all of it. When things started getting tough for them after my grandpa retired, instead of sitting down with me like an adult and asking if it would contribute financially, my grandpa cornered me in the car when he was driving me back from work and guilted money out of me with a sob story. And guilted me at the dinner table the second time when they needed more money. One time i walked in the house after work and before i had even taken my shoes off or put my purse down to get my wallet out, he blocked the door to my room with his hand out like a loan shark to give him the money. I payed for all my own expenses, took short showers and kept as many lights off as i could, and told them not to buy me anything, even food. And in the end, even though they guilted me for money, then more money, and promised they wouldnt kick me out, they sold the house out from under me when they knew i was still trying to save for an apartment with what little money i had left a month. I ended up having to live with my best friend and her husband or i wouldve been homeless. I still helped them move even when they f-ed me over. And even after all that, I still went to holidays and visited my parents from time to time.
The last time i saw my grandparents they ran into me and my best friend in a store. My grandpa saw me first (he and my grandma were in different parts of the store), and starting yelling at me for pretty much cutting them off since i hadn't been to see them for months, and then when he started realizing he looked like the bad guy tried to make the reason i stopped talking to them about politics (i live in a conservative area) as if that would justify it. When my friend and i were trying to grab one last thing before we left because i was humiliated and trying not to cry, my grandma cornered me at the deli counter, had me pinned between the counter and a cart so i couldn't leave, and started yelling at me too. I was so broken back then, but i tried to tell both of them i would talk to them but not in the store. They just wanted to scream so we left. I haven't spoken to them since and have no plans to.
Eventually i moved 2 hours away back to the city i had went to college in. During that time, my grandparents drove the 3 hours to try to find where i lived, and then called trying to get me to come downstairs. I was asleep for work at the time but it made me feel so uncomfortable that they would do that. And after living there a year and my bf and i commuting to visit each other every other week, it came to the point where if i wanted our relationship to continue i had to move back. This is not something he ever brought up to me, this was a decision I came to on my own. So two years ago I moved back to the area I grew up in. We live an hour away from my hometown and 30 minutes away from the town i met my boyfriend in. And although he has family in both areas that we visit, I haven't seen or really talked to my parents or siblings since i initially moved out of the area.
A year ago, after a year of silence from me and from my parents, I dropped a box off at my parents' house when they weren't home with souvenirs i got them on vacation when i first moved back, short letters to each of them about the gifts, and a long video letter on a flash drive explaining everything I felt because i knew i couldn't go on without being honest and i knew if i tried to have a conversation in person, they wouldn't listen to me. I told them i wanted to keep them in my life but i couldn't ignore everything that had happened and the ways they treated me and my younger siblings. I told them i had no interest in continuing a relationship with my grandparents and that anything they have told them probably wasnt true. I sent them scans of my diaries as "proof" that i wasn't lying because that's the kind of house i grew up in - if you couldnt prove it, it didnt happen. I laid myself completely bare so that i could heal, knowing the whole time they may never want to speak to me again. I gave them pictures of me and my boyfriend and my new phone number anyway. The only thing i didn't give them was my address because we live on his family's land and his family, knowing a bit about my family and also about my grandparents essentially stalking me, don't want anyone from my family nosing around on the property. I don't want that either so i agreed not to give it out. The people in my life who knew about the box and the letter turned video letter were supportive of the idea given all i had been through, and I thought dropping it off would be the end of things.
Since then, I have healed from everything that has happened. I'm still angry and sad and i feel like I'm grieving every day, but I'm not the spineless, scared girl i used to be. My boyfriend has helped me become a better person in so many ways. But i still miss my family, especially my dad. I feel like he didnt deserve what i've done for reasons i cant go into, because the reality is he depends a lot on what my mom tells him because he works, and he trusts her deeply. I feel like in some regards he depended too much on her word, although he isnt completely innocent. There's obviously a lot more to my story that what I have here or else I'd be writing an autobiography, but just know if this all sounds like it isn't a big deal, I have so many stories and so much more detail that isn't safe to give out here.
The reality is my parents and i pushed each other away until we all became strangers long before everything blew up. I felt like a stranger from the time i left for college. I was made to feel like if i wasn't at home, i was a second thought, and a lot of very serious issues happened while i was away that i didnt find out about until i came home. My last year of college i was physically starving and could only afford to eat one meal a day if that. When i had left for school at the beginning of that school year my mother made it clear i had to figure it all out myself because they had no money to give me, but then i came home for Christmas and everyone but me had all new electronics. I cried asking for money to buy my uniform to start my campus job but they bought all new computers and tablets. And that stung.
Last Christmas, my parents and siblings messaged me. It was the first time I had heard from them since before i dropped off the box. It was just a Merry Christmas, but it absolutely shocked me. And then they all messaged again on my birthday. Same thing, just little pleasantries, but it makes me feel like maybe that door isn't closed. However, I have absolutely no idea if we can move forward, if they want to, or even if its a good idea to try. I have struggled a lot since college about whether or not all of this and everything I wasn't able to share here is or is not a big deal. I've had people close to me listen to my whole story and call it emotional neglect and abuse, but I just don't know. I feel crazy most of the time, and I'm afraid I'm exaggerating or making it up for attention or something, which also doesn't make sense. I struggle a lot in my day to day. I am ruled by the emotions of those around me and i cower like a kicked puppy when people around me are upset, even if its not my fault. I get ashamed when i make a mistake or i'm not "perfect", and if my feelings are valid I have no idea if it would be a good idea to get back in touch. But i think about if/when my boyfriend and i get married, and how i have no family to sit on my side. It sometimes feels like it's my fault because i wasn't strong enough to just shut up and deal with it anymore. At this point I dont know what is the right answer, what's going to finally give me peace. For now, I just keep moving forward trying to build a better life with my boyfriend and hope all the pieces will fall into place later.

My husband left for about a month and a half for exercise,I’ve moved home since. He was able to take leave for two week before he actually deploys for the rest of the year. I feel so disconnected to him and can’t imagine how our relationship will pan over the rest of this year. I just don’t want this,I don’t him to miss every holiday,my birthday and family gatherings,I just don’t want it but have no say in the reality.I love my husband to death and would do anything for him but I just hate this,I’m tired of saying goodbye,I’m tired of being away from him,I’m tired of living a separate life from him,I feel like our first years married have been so off and on and although we’ve been fortunate to spend most holidays and birthdays I’m just exhausted. I haven’t had a solid job or been able to finish school in one place,I feel like I’ve missed out on so much and he’s just not there and I know he can’t help it but god do I hate it so much,and I hate how angry and resentful it makes me.I just don’t want this,it feels so unfair.
I know how chaotic this rant is I’m just really upset and feel like I’m at a dead end.

So this happened about 23 years ago. When I lived in Norfolk I would go out to VA Beach and do karaoke at this little hole in the wall called The Jewish Mother. I knew the back roads to get out to avoid drunk drivers and such, and I was taking said roads when I saw a cop following me. As any responsible driver does I followed all the road signs and such, figuring this cop saw me leave a bar and is deciding if I'm an idiot who is drunk driving (I wasn't, I rarely had more than two drinks over a five hour period and hate "tipsy" drivers).
After a turn she lit me up. I sighed, seeing those sex lights is never fun and nobody likes getting pulled over at 2am. So this female officer walks up and we do the dance. License and registration, blah blah blah, and she asks if I know why she pulled me over. I shook my head and said I honestly didn't. That's when she gave me a withering glare and said I ran a stop sign right in front of her. My jaw literally dropped, because no ma'am I did not. I asked her where, she said the turn we took to get on this street.
Now, remember I saw her well before this, I knew these back roads, there was no stop sign, and had there been one I certainly would have stopped, no California rolls in front of the coppers. I told her as much and she started getting BIG MAD. Another cop pulls up and more sex lights go up. Now it's a party, but for once I'm actually happy to see another cop. He walks up and asks what's going on.
This Karen declares I ran a stop sign right in front of her and am now claiming it doesn't exist. He turns to me and I said "sir, this road doesn't have any stop signs on it for at least a mile. She's saying the turn over there I pointed to the street, which was in clear view with no stop sign had a stop sign. I don't know about you, but I don't see anything there!". He looks down the road, then pulls the Karenator aside. They talk with many gestures, I can see in my rear view she's getting her panties in a twist, and I'm just sitting here trying to figure out if my husband would be able to afford bail money. Karencopony gets in her cruiser, drives around the block, turns onto the street we were on from the turn I supposedly ran a stop sign on and says something out her window to the other officer.
He waves and she drives off (going over the speed limit, I might add). The other officer then gets in HIS car and drives off. Now, I don't know if you guys know about VA Beach cops but...they're extra as hell. So I'm sitting there waiting because NOBODY TOLD ME I COULD LEAVE. About five minutes go by and the Brocopsky comes by and asks why I'm still sitting here. I told him nobody said I was free to go and the Karencornhole had my license and registration. He cussed, drove off, and came back in about two minutes with my stuff. I drove off and was always really careful in future excursions to the karaoke bar, because Karencopia was ANGRY. So yeah. It's been over twenty years and I still remember that night in stark detail because it was the only time I ever got pulled over for something in a cop's imagination. Good times.

TLDR; My kids don't like their dad, even so far as resent him because he is always working.
I (f30) have been with my husband (m30) for 12 years. Together we have a ten year old daughter and a five year old son. Both special needs. Husband is suspected to be on the spectrum.
My husband and I grew up in vastly different childhoods. He is an immigrant from the Philippines and had a family that showed no affection or love. I, however, grew up with a Mom who never let us forget how much she loved us. This has played a big role in our parenting styles.
My husband and my daughter have never had the best relationship. To my perspective it seem that he just doesn't know how to act with kids. They are also so alike that they can butt heads. When my son was born, my husband had a much easier time bonding with him. Up until 1.5 years old, they were two peas in a pod. My daughter was 6 when I had my son, and she saw the difference In how they were treated.
Side note: my daughter has been in therapy since 5 due to catastrophic anxiety and has even had to be medicated.
My daughter started to think her dad didn''t like her, which was understandable to me. And it was something she worked on in therapy. Then the dialoged changed from thinking her dad doesn't like her, to now she doesn't like her dad.
My husband has always worked hard to provide for us, making sure bills are always paid, there's always food, etc. I always worked full time as well, until 2020. In 2020 my husband got a job as an executive chef, since the kids had to be home due to covid, we decided I would quit my job and stay with the kids. It was cheaper than child care.
If you look up "what it's actually like being a chef's wife" you instantly see it's very lonely. My husband works 16-18 hour days, he has two scheduled days off, but sometimes he has to go in on those days as well. When he is home he does his best to help out and spend time with us. However, he is understandably exhausted.
Once my son started pre-k, he no longer gets to see my husband very much at all. His bus arrives before his dad is up, and his dad gets home after my son is asleep. He see's him sundays, and Monday evenings. That's it. My husband missed him growing into childhood. My daughter only see's him every day because her school starts later and he often takes her to school. She's asleep before he gets home as well. I feel like a single parent most of the time.
On my own I got my daughter's mental health stable and got her off meds by age 8.
My daughter kept consistent with saying she doesn't like her dad, only it changed to hate. She started saying she hates when he is home. Even though in my eyes, their relationship looks (on the surface,) to be much better now that she is older. My son, four at the time, started to say he didn't like daddy, only mommy.
I talked to my husband about spending more time with them, try to bond a little more, maybe take an occasional day off (he hasn't taken one off in four years). He felt really guilty and spiraled into a deep depression. In his head, there is NO room for adjusting his schedule, or taking extra time off.
Another side note: In the middle of all this my husband was offered a different exec chef job, which would of paid about the same, but we would of had benefits, PTO, Bonuses, and a family friendly schedule. But it's corporate, which he hates. He loves where he cooks at now.
Both kids have been keeping up with the negative feelings toward their dad (it's very obvious he loves them). Everytime I tried to talk to my daughter about it, go deeper, as in WHY she feels this way, I was met with "I don't know" and she would shut down.
Yesterday I pick up my daughter from school and when we get home she sees her dad is home. Instantly her attitude changes and she starts saying how she hates her dad, she wishes he wasn't home and that he would just leave forever. However this time she told me a little more. She's depressed, she wanted to go back on meds, and she's just having a hard time all together. She told me she resented her dad for never being there. That he isn't her father and she would be happy if she never saw him again.
I validated her feelings, I mean, I totally get where she is coming from, and I let her know we would get through this together.
It hurts my heart to hear these things. I don't know how to handle the situation.
Should I tell my husband and hope it gets through to him enough for him to make a change? Or do I just spare my husband feelings because most likely nothing is going to change and this way we'd avoid another depression episode, and just be there for my daughter, handle it on my own?
HELP!
Edit: We do not NEED him to work those hours, he isn't working long hours for finances. This is what his job entails, and he is VERY dedicated to his job. It's his passion.

Just a rant. My husband and I both work in sales. We make good money and are good at our jobs. I just HATE working. I do it solely to help provide for my family because without a double income we wouldn’t be able to get by. I have absolutely 0 motivation and want nothing more than just to be a SAHM. I do not care about climbing a ladder or getting a promotion, as that would just take more time away from my kids. I’ve honestly thought about taking up social media and trying to go viral somehow or being a lifestyle vlogger or something, lol. I genuinely have never enjoyed any job I’ve had, but having kids has just made my motivation to work tank even more. But alas, we need my income. It sucks.

My bub is 8 months old and I've never had any issue maintaining a good supply, whether it be just enough or slightly over. I hate pumping, so I nurse exclusively and only pump when I'm working. Typically, I pump 3 times during my work day and get 16-18oz per day. This is perfect, because at daycare he usually drinks 15oz in that time.
Saturday I came down with a stomach bug, as did both my husband and baby. Monday I was shocked by how little I pumped compared to normal. Where I usually get 16-18oz, this time I only got around 12. I added 2 pump sessions overnight to make up the difference for what he needs for daycare. Today (Tuesday) was even worse. I added a 4th pump session during my shift and still only ended the day having pumped 10oz. I'll be pumping again overnight, but why on earth did it dip so suddenly? Will I be able to get it back up so late into our journey?

Does anyone else get such bad anxiety that they can't eat? Anxiety is so bad that nothing is appetizing, or even when you're super hungry that you cant make yourself get up? Because this is where I'm at. The thought of spending time cooking or going to the kitchen is debilitating. I don't know what to do. When I finally get the nerve to get up and make something if what I was planning to eat isn't there then I spiral and won't eat anything at all. I get so angry at everyone around me or everything feels so unmanageable or overwhelming. I go days at a time without eating or I only eat once in those few days. I try and conserve food and not get too attached to a favorite food because if its gone then I know I wont have it again for a long time. So I conserve it but then it will go bad and it defeated what I was trying to accomplish. My husband gets very angry at me because I'm not eating. He thinks I just need to do it and get over it and that I'm being selfish. But for me it's not that simple. There's so many factors to why I'm like this... money, anxiety, being overweight, etc. I just hate food so much. I hate feeling full. But I also hate being hungry and miserable. It's a constant cycle. When I go out to eat I enjoy it in the moment. But then once I'm done eating I feel horrible because I feel full and I know it will make being hungry later all the worse. I'm at a loss at what to do. Anyone else deal with this? I feel so incredibly alone.

So, I didn’t really think I experienced paranoia until recently. It definitely got worse after I had my baby to the point that I had to put a name to it. Turns out, after reading about it, I’ve been experiencing paranoia to some degree for almost as long as I can remember. Here’s what it looks like for me:
—feeling like someone is potentially watching me all the time, even if I do know that rationally this is not likely at all
—passing thoughts that there’s a camera in the exhaust fan in the bathroom, or a drone taking footage through the window. Sometimes this will prompt me to go put on pants if I’m in my underwear or something “just in case”. I get this exponentially more out in public. As if everyone is staring at me, or if I can’t see anyone they’re staring at me from windows, parked cars, cameras.
—becoming somewhat “performative” in my mundane actions when I’m completely alone, because I feel as if I’m being watched and I need to make sure to do things “properly” so that They(??) can see I’m doing things the right way
—sudden intrusive thoughts about myself, my husband, or my baby getting grievously injured because of some horrible accident, this makes me so anxious sometimes for days at a time that I can’t stop seeing imminent danger literally everywhere I look. I’ll refuse to leave the house during these times and I’ll refuse to let my husband hold my (our!!) baby sometimes because I’m that paranoid something final destination will happen. Sometimes I’m convinced the floor WILL cave in any moment. Gotta touch the gas stove burner switches to make sure they’re off if I think about them even if it’s the middle of the night. My husband hates it, he feels me get out of bed and he’s like “THEYRE OFF. STOP IT” so I lie and say I have to pee so I can check anyway
—if I hear people laugh out in public, I’m sometimes convinced they’re laughing at me even when I know on some level they aren’t even aware of my existence
—I think the neighbors in the building are listening to the sounds I’m making in the kitchen or by walking around , and that they can tell what I’m doing inside my apartment by hearing through the floor
—I have STRONG paranoia that when I take my baby to the doctor, they’re giving her drugs to slowly make her terminally ill, and they’re doing it only to MY baby. It’s so fleeting and it does pass, but in the moment it’s so strong it almost feels totally real. Like it really worries me about myself. That level of paranoia wasn’t a thing for me before I had my baby.
There’s other instances, but this is too long already. Also, I am almost always aware at the same time that it’s not real, yet I can’t stop having the thoughts and feelings. It’s almost like part of me really does believe it, and sometimes it feels like the rational voice is the delusional liar… I’m scared of how paranoid I’ve become. I know I need to go to the dr but I’ve moved and haven’t got reestablished yet . Please tell me I’m not alone.