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Hello again! I’m not sure if you've read or seen my other posts about roleplays but this one will purely be about Jujutsu Kaisen!
INTRODUCTION
My name is Hina. To know more about me, I was born and raised in Japan and I have been an avid writer ever since I moved to the States when I was 11. My second language is English but I believe it’s been pretty good these days. I recently turned 22 years old and I'm female. Talking about age, I would be comfortable with you being 17+ and preferably at least 20. Roleplaying with minors isn’t a big thing for me, I apologize. I’m in the west coast, PST timezone. Let’s see.. What other information can I give you? I would say I enjoy skating, basketball, watching tv shows and anime, and reading. My favorite anime is Nana and Death Note.
ROLEPLAY
For what i’m looking for, i’d have to say basically anything in the Jujutsu Kaisen universe. Perhaps something done in the Shibuya Arc, or even the Culling Games Arc where are our characters are participating. Or maybe something entirely different. I think it would be cool if our characters were strong on their own and everything was set up in the Culling Games Arc, them having to maybe ally or something. But we can also have it be basically them fighting together to make themselves stronger and then fight new enemies as well. I’m down for ideas!
I’m also down for a Modern AU roleplay with the original characters. Maybe an OC x CC or CC x CC in that case!
CHARACTERS
I tend to use character sheets to describe my character, these usually consist of names, background, and personality. More so on appearances, I prefer using animated or drawn references than real life people. I enjoy good enough references where I get the idea of how the character would look like.
The types of characters I write are either the lone wolf type that has some sad past which leads them to want to join someone for a redemption arc or the bubbly character who is the one that brings the mood up and is usually seen as trustworthy and of that kind.
I like all types of tropes, especially enemies to lovers or rivalry. I also really enjoy opposites attract as a whole from either opposite personality or something else they would be opposites in. Enemies to lovers takes my heart, though. I love seeing the characters go past the urge to ultimately hate each other and/or go past their usual way of disliking the others lineage or upcoming.
REQUIREMENT
I think this is my last paragraph on the roleplay. It’s the most important, at least. Requirements. All roleplay searches come with them. Or at least that’s what I heard! But don’t fret, there isn’t much.
I’ve seen this as one of the most used requirements, and I agree with it. As someone who’s first language wasn’t English, I understand that you may not be great at it. But please, I do require a partner that at least has proper use of grammar and punctuation. You don’t even have to use big words or anything, just at least know where to put your periods and the placement of your words.
My second requirement is for you to be LITERATE! Please. I’m a big writer, I tend to ramble on and tend to write more than what I thought I would. (like i’m doing right now) I write multiple paragraphs from the starter until the scene relaxes. I also understand that sometimes writing big blocks of words every response is tiring or boring so I don’t expect it all the time, at least after the starter has been made and in more important scenes. Dialogue also cuts my replies shorter.
Please please please be polite in OOC! We may just be role playing together but kindness goes all ways. If we do include OOC, I enjoy talking about many things. My day, movies, games, funny moments and stories, all of that!
I think that’s the end to this wonderful journey of an ad about my search. I hope you are still here, fellow writer! I would LOVE it if you reached out to me! This wasn’t all for nothing, right!
But don’t leave yet! I do have a passcode. I know this was a jumble of words and rambling but I still have to put one in. I heard that there’s a lot of people on here that don’t read things fully and miss out on rules or information! But.. Just because you read through this all, I’ll gladly give you options on the passcode! Also please put in an introduction of yourself! Don’t think “Oh maybe I shouldn’t bother this person with too much to read”! I like seeing big blocks.
PASSCODE:
What’s your dream country to travel to and why?
OR
Who’s your favorite TV show / Cartoon / Game / Anime character?
Feel free to pick both! Now, that’s all from me. Please don’t put your request as just “Wanna rp”!

• H 💕

Wake up, poke, test, inject the insulin, lunch poke injections, supper poke injections . Before I go to bed and wake up, short acting injections. I’m only 36 and my body is rotting away and I am alone. Everyone I know is dead. Hundreds….. everyone. It’s like a fucking battle field. Everyone talks shit about me…. When your down you see who your real friends are. Even my family has turned their back. My grandmother who I love just had a stroke last week, my grandfather two heart attacks. My godmother is on life support. My best friends, a while click of hundreds of us are all fucking dead. My friend just blew his head off last month. I want to fucking die I’m just trying to get the courage. All I have is my dogs. That’s all. But I can’t live for them. Please don’t judge me….. I just want to know ideas on what to do to get pumped enough to pull. God please, I’ve called out to you so many times and you never answered. I haven’t had a woman in years. I have no one. I just waste away in my room all day and night. It’s been like this for years. I just lay there. Like I’m already asleep in a box. When I go they’re going to crack my skull open and take out my brain. Take out all my organs. Then drain my blood and fill me up with some kind of solution so I don’t stink like death. I’ll have that nice formaldehyde smell. I used to hate that smell but now it’s like a comfort. I wonder what they will Find when they slice my brain into little pieces. My own mother calls me a fucking waste, a mistake, a fucking fat looser junkie….she posts fucked up videos of my on Facebook. Everyone in my home town has seen them. No one will talk to Me. I want to die but I don’t want to be embalmed. I just want to go In a box and sleep. There’s a reason they bring flowers. Funny thing is, NOBODY WILL GO. That’s what hurts the most. I was close. I remembered waking up not knowing where I was or who I was for about 15 minutes. I couldn’t talk. All I could understand was that I was me…………I remembered when I opened my eyes….if they cut me up it’s ok. I think fent is the best way. I’m going to go tomorrow and free everyone from me. No one seems the struggle, they only see the trouble, not knowing it’s hard to keep going when nobody loves you.

Okay. Sorry if anyone saw this earlier, I accidentally posted it early.
If you dont want to read this whole backstory and get to the main point, scroll till the next bold text...or just scroll to the bottom.
I've always been good at math. I'm not Young Sheldon (though, maybe, to them, I seem like Young Sheldon...?) levels of good at math, but I'm reasonably above my peers–I passed calculus 3 in freshman year of college. I'm a data science student, which works with AI and stuff. I could talk about that shit for hours. But I'm not a super genius. I still studied like crazy. I spent an exhausting amount of effort into passing that class, I didn't instantly get concepts, I don't know. But that's what I'm good at, because how my autism works is that I think of the world in a very objective way.
I think about it so objectively, that I have a hard time handling emotional relationships because sometimes human thought just doesn't make sense. If I can't rationalize something, it'll distress me. Cue not understanding sarcasm, having little friends, etc. Generic "you have autism" symptoms. I also have many bad sensory problems, poor auditory processing (I need subtitles), and there's textures to food that I can't swallow–but I can get used to the taste. But come on, they say I'm low-empathy. I'm textbook genius, without the genius part.
Ever since I was a little kid, like maybe 10 or so, I was introduced to concept of autism and related to it. I'm 19 now, so I want to say it was around 2015 (as a time marker in relation to COVID). For 9 years, I've thought about having autism. I know self-diagnosis is valid is a rule, but remember, I think of things objectively–until a professional says I have something, I'm not sure if I do, by the book, have the disorder. It also has to do with stereotypes. As I said, I'm not a genius. I'm not completely dumb, either. I can tell when people are exaggerating and understand when there's a shift in tone. (But, I, actually, am pretty monotone actually. That's what they tell me, at least.)
But I've gone through a myriad of other disorders. SSRIs since freshman year of high school. But at the time, people were impressed enough with my math skills that they overlooked the other things. When COVID hit, things fell apart.
Another thing I live with is ADHD, inattentive. I know that AuDHD is very common. I like to think of my ADHD as being relatively bad. I have always had problems with executive dysfunction, and I often cannot get ANYTHING done without medication. As I got older, I was expected to do more things myself, and found that I couldn't. I had no self-discipline. I couldn't even be paid to do chores. Anyway, when I was 16, in early 2021, I was diagnosed. (before someone asks: yes, I'm a girl/ AFAB. ) It changed everything for me. Before then, I was simply a smart kid who got lazy. Now, with medication, I actually have a chance of being something worthwhile. After a few years of shitty grades, and constant guilt on your mind, the reward cycle that is academia really clicked in.
Apparently, another thing that supporting my ADHD has done, is reveal my autism to the world. Because I feel like I'm being driven like a motor, I could infodump for hours. Before now, just talking was exhausting. In a way, without me knowing it, my ADHD masked my autism for me. Without it, people start to notice. In college, they've noticed more. And there is a difference between telling yourself you might be autistic, and someone saying it to your face. The immediate reaction is to laugh–it's not funny, but it's what a normal person would do, so it's what you're doing right now. You should feel insulted–it's an insult! Obviously, I have some internalized ableism issues. Plus, my own autism can even clash with others'.
Still, I at least thought of myself as relatively able to be independent. I lived in a dorm, I managed to feed myself, I sleep. I do use drugs, but it's just weed. And sometimes drinking because it's college, but not too often. Basically, even if I am autistic, there's no benefit to actually confirming it. I've been through ADHD screening–it's hard, annoying, embarrassing, and expensive–and I don't want to go through it again if I don't have to.
Like everything else in my life, I also think of medical aid as a pros and cons system. I sacrifice having depression and ADHD on my medical record (military restrictions, minor stuff) for the medication I need, but I don't know how autism is.....treated? Managed? I don't know, my knowledge of the actual autistic community feels pretty minimal. I understand you can't take a pill to just make autism go away because it's so much more than that.
As a university student, I still need medication to help sustain whatever ridiculous workload I put on myself. I needed a new psychiatrist for legal reasons (I'm an out-of-state student) and the university health center provided me one. He's a really nice guy, funnier and more relatable than my last psychiatrist, and actually seems to care. I fall for it, as usual, and start talking more and more about myself than he needs to know. At our last appointment, I bring up my (aforementioned) sensory issues, and he asks me if I've thought about an autism diagnosis.
At that very moment, this almost killed me. This still doesn't truly mean I'm autistic, but it's a strong implication from someone I think of as much better educated in the field. It's close enough–it really is true. Without my prompting (I have this fear of psychiatrists and therapists thinking I'm full of myself/looking for pills/diagnosis so I pretend I've never googled anything on the internet), a psychiatric medical professional has asked about my potential autism. Then, I considered the question, have I thought about a professional diagnosis?
TL;DR, here's the real question:
My psychiatrist also recommended I get in contact with student disability resources for my [already-longterm-diagnosed] ADHD, so now I have to think, would an autism diagnosis benefit me at all? I feel like they pretty much overlap in accommodations. Also, I don't know what consists of "treatment" for autism, if there is any at all.
Additionally, I've heard that an autism diagnosis can keep you from having a job, consenting to surgery, just generally losing autonomy, and I want to avoid that. I'm a woman in the tech field, which is already overcrowded, and the misogyny in that community is still very strong. I'm not looking for any more disadvantages. So, I wanted to hear if anyone had any experience with something similar.
( End note: I'm truly, genuinely sorry if any phrasing is offensive, and I will change it called out. People have told me that I'm less sensitive to language than usual, and therefore can be blunt/rude on accident. )

In January of 2023 my wife, I’ll call her S, left me. A bit of backstory because this is mostly my fault. Me and her moved from Florida to Washington 6 years ago for me to find better work. Her dad, brother and I were all best friends for a while and her dad was my boss that’s how I met her. We started dating in 2016 when I lived in Jacksonville and was attending welding school. When I moved back to my hometown I couldn’t find work and eventually went back to work with the company her dad worked at, I ran my own shop. I hated it I was so depressed I wanted to weld but she didn’t want me to because she’d be alone while I was on the road so I stayed. Her mom is a meth addict and is very violent and her dad is laid back as it gets but an alcoholic non the less. I was living with my parents at the time and one day her mom freaked out and tried to hit her, I stood up and defended her and her mom kicked her out of there house. Me and her lived with my parents ever since. Now that she lived at my parents house I had to basically force her to get a job because all she did was play sims and complain. Especially about me watching game of thrones because of the nudity. when I got home and I thought she needed some purpose. I only bring these thing up to put into perspective the things that I had to forgive and give up to be with her. One day my mom asks us if we’d like to move to Washington in hopes of a better life and she could attend college here. I was thrilled at the idea and she was at that moment too. As the date grew closer and I had already put my two weeks notice in she started getting cold feet. I explained to her that I was miserable at my job and had already given up welding and I was not passing up another opportunity whether she came or not. That ended in a fight but she said she wanted to come in the end. My mom emptied her retirement so we could rent a truck, drive up and have an apartment when we got there (my mom was already here) When got here we both immediately got jobs as a construction labor, making quite good money and her at a drugstore. This is where the problems really began. She started to become very withdrawn. She was not interested in anything sexual, and it began to wear on my confidence. I eventually got a job as an electrician making less money as an apprentice, but more overall when I turned out. Then Covid hit. I got fat and depressed, I got a lot from unemployment. So naturally, I began to drink more. Then I started dabbling in cocaine. Over time this became a problem, I began hiding it doing it on the weekends being out all night sometimes for multiple days. She caught me and I lied. My mental health was deteriorating quickly. I had already suffered with depression before, but this was something different. Her dad got diagnosed with stage bone cancer during this too. It was a rough time for both of us. At one point she told me she didn’t know if she wanted to get a divorce because she wanted to go back home to be with her dad if he died. Even though I understood this crushed me even more. During 2022 I was still somehow I was still somehow still managing to keep it together even with my addiction. She started attending college and work and college at the same time with stressing her out to the point where she was crying so I told her to quit her job and do college full-time. I paid for all of it. Financial burdens began to increase. My mental health dropped even lower. I became increasingly suicidal I thought about death every day. I talked about it every day. She would tell me she’s not a psychiatrist or therapist and that she couldn’t help me. She started hanging out with one of her friends from work and they started hanging out a lot towards the end of 2022. This part is extremely important. I started noticing things on her phone that pointed to her being interested in women like things in her algorithm for TikTok and YouTube. Stuff to do with being lesbian and coming out or bi. I asked her one day if that was something that was going on with her if she was interested in women. She told me no. A month later, she came to me and told me that she thought about it and it was something that she had been thinking about. I told her that it was OK and that it was something that I was willing to let her explore as long as we communicated. Then out of the blue one day again she tells me she didn’t mind if I slept with other women. Looking back this was a red flag at the time. I thought it was OK with it for being with someone else. It turns out I was not. Being a cocaine addict and an alcoholic pretty much plus the thought of her being with someone else started to grind my self-conscious. I became increasingly paranoid that she would leave me. One night fueled on cocaine. I got on her laptop and looked through all of her history all of it back years. And I saw she had to stop obsessing over a guy. Is it OK to have a crush on a guy at the gym while married. I confronted her with this information. And it turned into a huge she said I invaded her privacy which I did and still feel terrible for. And she said it was only a crush and nothing else. Our sex life had all the ground, and I was so hurt that she was attracted to someone else and couldn’t even begin to be attracted to me. One night at the beginning of January, maybe the first week or two I was trying to quit drinking and doing cocaine. I had maybe been a week in. It was the weekend and I didn’t want to be alone. I begged her to stay with me, but she went out with her friend. In retaliation, I suppose I went out with someone a friend of mine and got fucked up. We ended up going back to his place with some girls. There was no sex just making out and such. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but I freaked out and got taken home in a cop car. She was at her friends at this point I decided to commit suicide. I overdosed on muscle relaxers with my uncle to tell him bye. My uncle got it out of him that I had overdosed. He called my wife and her and the woman that she was hanging out with came to my house and I was taken to the hospital. I spent a whole week in the hospital. The whole time I was there she just seemed annoyed. She wanted to go back to her friends house and do homework for school. I got out and went back to work. I had to make up some school and the day I was there. I talked to another woman about how I could win her back because she said that she didn’t know if she wanted to be with me anymore. The girls suggested I take her out on a date and tell her how I was feeling and I did. That night while we were eating dinner, she told me that she had been sleeping with that girl the night I tried to commit suicide and other nights. She didn’t tell me she was afraid I would divorce. At first, I remain calm. But as the past, I started to become angry. at home I told her I was leaving to go stay at a friends house because we need to take a break. I started drinking heavily and told her to get the fuck out of my house and I hated her a bunch of other I started drinking heavily and told her to get the fuck out of my house and I hated her a bunch of other terrible things. I went completely off the rails she left with that girl to stay at her house. I bought a bunch of cocaine Adderall and alcohol and was determined to just do drugs until I died. I started self harming. I tried to commit suicide through carbon monoxide, overdose, and hanging. I ruined the house. I broke so many things kicked down doors shattered pictures. You should’ve seen it. It was disgusting. She came by to check on me because she was worried. I was going to kill myself. I can’t remember everything that I said to her, but I know I freaked out. I started throwing things and just being an absolute ass. it culminated her calling my parents. She told him everything. I should also note that during this time I was confused as well with everything going on in my head and thought maybe I would be by and gave a guy a blow job he also gave me one as well. It didn’t last long I wasn’t into it, but I told her the very next day. Had about three months before all this happened. She left again and my mom flew back from Florida. As I sobered up, I began to realize how I had acted. I went to work and immediately told my foreman that I needed to go to rehab. I went to rehab and started to feel better about two months after she had told me and I went to rehab and started to feel better. About two months since the split, we met up at a Starbucks to talk about us. She said that she didn’t think she could be with me anymore. After the way I had acted and all the lying with my addiction. I wanted her back so badly. I told her I’m sorry I was never worth it in a bunch of other stuff that was childish. She said I had acted like her mom and that she couldn’t deal with it. I totally did the yelling throwing things saying horrible things to her to put her down. Anyway, I went no contact with her the whole time she was still living with that girl. I relapsed after about four months. I got laid off from my job. In a few Coke, fueled rages on separate occasions, I would call her and beg her back and then yell at her when she didn’t want to. I called her with cancer and told him that she had cheated on me with a girl. They are very conservative and that was a horrible thing for me to do. So now the end of the tale. I’ve been in and out of sobriety now for this year and a half more in sobriety than out. I’m sober now I’m in AA and NA and feeling much better. Her dad died of cancer. She never told me I heard through a friend of a friend which really hurt me because me and him used to be best friends. Although I understand why she would not reach out to me. Neither me or her have filed the paperwork for the divorce. We just never talk. She has me blocked on Facebook and I don’t know her phone number and honestly right now. I don’t even know if I want to go through with the divorce or just keep working on healing. I’m so confused because I still love her but also I don’t want to be with her but I do. I think about her all the time. I don’t want to break no contact with her. We haven’t spoken in over nine months. I don’t want to open up the wounds for her. If anyone has read this far thank you. I’m typing on my phone so if everything seems rushed and a little sporadic, sorry. I would just like some advice on how maybe I could move forward stay sober and heal from all of this.

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting one reddit and it's a quite of a long question, but I just don't know what to do.
My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years and we've lived together almost all of that time. Almost a year (11 months) ago I found out he was cheating on me (kinda? idk, I'll explain). He had been using reddit to find snapchat accounts for girls to exchange nudes with. He'd been doing it for about 2 months and with about 10 girls (that I know of). They would normally sext a bit and then not talk again. I confronted him and he admitted to me that he had/has a porn addition, and that he'd been doing this type of thing on and off since he was about 15. He said he never really saw it as cheating because to him it was kinda like "interactive porn". He said that it almost felt like a seperate part of his life and he couldn't connect with the part of himself that did it. He said it was only when he actually saw the effect it had on me that what he was doing became real to him.
Anyway, we decided to work through it and he started going to therapy to work on himself/his porn addition. It took a bit of time to get back to normal, but eventually our relationship returned to normal and we've been pretty good recently. Here's the thing: most of his bad behaviours/actions are due to low self esteem. He struggles to accept good things in his life and so tends to self-sabotage them (which was part of the reason the cheating happened in the first place). It also kinda follows a cycle - every 6(ish) months he'll do something really bad that we need to heal from (e.g. the cheating, getting super drunk and doing something dumb, etc). It's gotten a lot better since he's started therapy, but the cycle is basically like this: we're doing really well, he does something to self-sabotage, the relationship struggles and we have to heal/build up trust again for 1 or 2 months, the relationship recovers and we do well for 4 or 5 months, the cycle repeats.
I'm worried because it's been almost 6 months since the last incident. Our relationship has been pretty good recently, but the last time he cheated we were in such a good place and that's why he sabotaged it, so us doing well doesn't really put my mind at ease.
I've noticed recently that he's started being a bit more secretive with his phone again. For example, he'll tell me about some funny shit he saw on reddit, but when I ask to see the post he doesn't show me and says he'll send it to me. It doesn't matter how many times I ask to see it, it won't give me his phone. Another example: the other night I was in our bedroom and he was in the kitchen. I didn't have my phone but I needed a calculator, so I asked to use his because it was on the bed. He said yes, but then immediately came into the bedroom, watched me use the calculator and then asked for his phone so he could watch a YouTube video.
When he first cheated, to regain/build up trust in our relationship he gave me the passwords to all his social media and we had a deal I could go through his phone anytime I wanted. As soon as I felt like things were back on track, I logged out of everything (and deleted the passwords so I couldn't log in again). I also stopped going through his phone a few months back, and we've been really good at communicating - I'll normally just ask him outright how he's doing with the porn addiction and if there's anything I should know (he always says no). I don't want to ask to go through his phone again because that feels like a huge step backwards and I know it'll make our relationship feel tense/weird for a few days, but something just feels off. I just don't want to do anything rash because I do have quite severe anxiety and it might just be projection, but it's around the point in the cycle where something bad happens, I've noticed a bit of a disconnect between us (more unnecessary fights and stuff) and then there's the phone secrecy too.
What should I do? I love him endlessly and I know he loves me, but I don't want to ignore warning signs and brush them off as me being paranoid if they're not, ya know?
Sorry it's so long...thank you! :)

I don't have anybody. My friend (let's call him Isaac) of a decade who I met online is married now and slowly over the years he's grown more distant to me. We used to be attached at the hip, basically living our lives online every single day just talking to each other. I understand why we aren't as close anymore. I'm no longer his +1. But over time, it's like he didn't even care to try and hang out or talk with me anymore, like he really didn't care about me at all. I've noticed this getting worse as time went on, so when I finally got my first job in 2022 (at 24 years old, because like always, I'm so behind in life) I tried to find connection with people there.
To preface, I am a gay man, and I ended up finding someone there that had a lot of the same interests as me and seemed to want to be friends with me (We'll call him Jake). He's straight and he knows I'm not, and that's never been an issue for him, but he definitely treated me differently, and in the first year I knew him he completely destroyed me mentally and I don't think he even realized it.
Jake would make sexual jokes about women in a "trio" we had at work and all 3 of us thought it was funny, but when I tried to make the same jokes from my perspective he would get a bit bothered by it, even though it didn't bother the other guy. Things like that kept reoccurring and it really made me feel like the odd-man out.
Jake also would constantly give me such mixed signals, one minute he'd be telling me how much he valued my friendship and he's glad he met me, and that I was the first person he'd ever really kept around as a friend considering he was a military kid that had to move to different countries growing up. One minute he would build me up to be one of his closest friends, and the next he'd make it a point to let me know that in the end, I was absolutely nothing to him and he wouldn't think twice if he never saw me again.
I've always had crippling social anxiety, and in my entire life, I've never been able to make friends easily. It's almost impossible for me to connect to people, and when I do it's so random, and always means a lot to me. After I met Isaac, I never thought I'd be able to do it again, but fortunately I did, but it didn't last long. I'd get sick of Jake treating me the way he would and I'd speak up about it, and eventually he cut me off. But over time he came back to me, but it just doesn't feel the same. I don't feel comfortable around him the way I used to.
After all of that, I feel so jaded and trust people even less than I did before. I decided to stop talking to people altogether outside of work, outside of a rare occasion where I might play a game online with Jake. I want friends, but I don't feel safe getting close to anyone anymore. Isaac barely talks to me these days, Jake was constantly putting my mind through a roller coaster of confusion/second-guessing and emotions.
I'm alone every day. I can barely get myself to do anything I used to enjoy. I've struggled with severe depression and anxiety my entire life with nothing that has ever helped make it better. Every single day I think about how I don't want to be alive anymore, and I don't know why I keep going when nothing changes, it never gets better. I don't even cry anymore. I've totally accepted that my life is wasting away, and it's just a matter of time before I decide I've had enough of it. There's no point in fighting it anymore.
This was all just word vomit and didn't have any structure but I just had to post this. Not sure why.

I (25M) have known my best friend (25F) for about 8 years. We’ve been extremely close after studying abroad together and have seen each other go through many relationships. This kinda started when we went travelling together again after her breakup with a long term partner where she treated me poorly on holiday (ignored me at times, acted cold etc) and was being slightly reckless with her safety with the other people on our tour (telling them she gets drunk easily). Two things that stuck with me from that trip were her saying “you know nothing about heartbreak” and “well when you’re here you’re obligated to protect me”.
When we returned I kinda kept my distance and wasn’t as communicative and this resulted in her calling me attractive and her soulmate when I joined a Facebook call.
That kinda stuck with me and I guess I slightly caught feelings rather than feeling like a friend. We were hanging out and I bought her valentines flowers. We went running together for a bit and things were going ok until she kinda became very flakey on plans with everyone. Rather than being available to hang with our group or even one on one she will say she’s busy for the next two weeks/ month and can’t schedule us in. But she’ll be out with genuinely random people going to events? She just came back from Canada and she said she can’t see us for a month because she fully booked? Like we work in the same industry but different divisions and she always saying she’s bored on weekends yet is fully booked?
We had a set day to go running once where we agreed to go, and the previous night I had a farewell party for an old friend which she knew I was leaving early for to meet with her tomorrow but when I asked her to confirm whether we were going she took 8 hours to respond and told me she can’t. I ended up seeing her the next day where I just didn’t speak to her for a week which resulted in her driving to my house to explain what happened which ended up being personals family issues. The problem is she’s done this before two years ago where she flaked plans with me to go on a date and I ended up seeing her out only for her to claim she double booked. Usually she’d just tell me flat out what’s going on but she’s very secretive now and sure I’m not entitled to know but if it’s affecting plans surely I’ve known her long enough for her to be straight up and tell me?
Recently she’s being going on a lot of holidays but she seems to be promising certain friends to go with them on holiday together only to go with someone else or by herself. For example we have a mutual friend who wanted to visit Korea and she is half Korean and had been there numerous times had said “she’s not interested” only for her today to say that she’s now thinking of going for 2 months with another friend? I ended up just saying “oh I thought (friend) wanted to go this year” only for her to say “you guys can come too!” I have work obligations so I’m indifferent but it seems like I’m not the only one getting this treatment?
She just seems so fake and not the person who I was friends with before and I feel like every conversation is me just having to guess what she says is genuine and what isn’t? I just can’t tell if I’m ruining the friendship by expecting too much from someone. Or whether I’m being treated poorly?
tl:dr I can’t tell if I’m ruining my friendship with my friend of eight years for not being consistent or whether I am genuinely being treated poorly.

I (27F) last last winter (2022) wrote a long letter to my mom. I poured my heart into it, I cried the whole time writing it. I showed it to my husband to make sure I wasn’t being too mean in my writing towards my mom. I showed it to my stepsister to again make sure it was okay and made sense and to get emotional support (I’m Mexican and I didn’t want to push too far because i understand how deep generational trauma is and the parent child dynamic) I even showed it to my stepdad who immediately called me apologizing for the things I wrote in the letter (which I will get into in a moment) and was telling me about how he will divorce her (I didn’t want that and made me feel shitty) and explained why some scenarios ended up the way they did. Everyone encouraged me to send it. I was so confident that my mom was going to read it and drive over ? Write back? Call me. Something ! So I mailed it. (I mailed it because I instantly cry every time I try talking to her in person about not surface level things, it would of been easier getting words out especially when having to translate to Spanish)
In the letter I wrote about:
-Feeling emotionally neglected -the name calling my mom would do (calling me “retarded” and mimicking noises and movements of people with disability towards me among other things -My uncle being a pedo and scaring me into not saying anything to them, i later said something to a friend in HS who went to the counselor who called the police and I made up a person to protect my uncle, I was then grounded for over a year. -the carpet in my bedroom always being wet when it rained which is a lot where I live ruining my feet with a fungal infection that was just ignored (i understand it was a money issue but the hurt remains) -being blamed for high utility bills n being expensive for needing braces -being called lazy for not cleaning and asking her to teach me how and being ignored -asking her any question and being ignored -my boyfriend in high school being suicidal when I would try to break up with him and hurting that I couldn’t go to them for help -saying that I tried to hit her to my step dad when I moved out of the way of her too quickly and making a scene about it leaving me confused -understanding that i understand she probably had a rough childhood and that all I wanted was a normal mother daughter relationship
That’s pretty much the gist among a bunch of other little things that really hurt me and I explained that it was hard to form a relationship with her in my adulthood and trust her with my kids until we addressed these things. I wanted to be acknowledged. Not even an apology really. But a conversation. I wanted to understand her more because I literally don’t know anything about her. We would never talk unless it was to eat dinner or clean something. I was always in my room during that time.
I waited a few weeks, my stepsister would visit them here and there and tell me how my mom appears sad? And maybe she needed more time.
A few months pass by I see my mom smiling in Hawaii having a good time.
At this point I’m in therapy because I’m losing hair from the stress of this and severely depressed.
Fall comes around and I finally go to visit with the encouragement of my husband, stepsister and stepdad. She acts like I’m not even there. This makes me angry. At one point my mom goes outside to smoke a cigarette im at the table with everyone and I start just talking about the hurts again, I say my mom is a narcissistic. My mom comes back inside. And for an hour. I’m complaining and she’s in the living room a few feet away saying absolutely nothing.
I leave feeling so weird. So lonely? We are now I’m 2024. I don’t have a relationship with her or my step dad really. I had to block her because she would go to Hawaii again and just living her life having a great time I was trying not to be bitter. Or angry. My step sister and step dad eventually started to question how legitimate my statements were it was so painful being misunderstood. Being told that that’s just the mom that I have. Being told that things were maybe my fault for having a problem with everything (I would always speak up when my parents would be racist and things)
I few months ago I did send her a text as a final effort. I asked why she never responded. If she wants to just leave this alone that’s okay and I will move on. And she told me that all that was on the letter were complaints. And told me about how when I was 20 I made a comment on a Facebook post about bad parenting and how everyone saw. About how embarrassed she was when people reached out to her. About how I wrote that I felt like I was in a dark environment. I didn’t know everyone saw it. I apologized for that. She told me to come over to talk because she personally has some complains about me. But she never acknowledged me. I didn’t want to go, to feel yelled at and again taken back to being a child getting yelled at.
I’m currently feeling grief. Mistrust to my family. Lonely. Jealous? About how my other siblings seem to be having a better time. How do I move on from feeling misunderstood. I feel like everyone is okay and I’m abandoned. I feel guilt for pulling my small family away from them from how hurt I am. Most times I’m okay until I see my stepsister at a family gathering that I’m never invited to. And then I’m back again to being a lonely child.

Hello, reddit First, tw: Self harm and suicidal thoughts, please skip if triggering Here is the thing, I'm basically asking for judgement here, and if I really deserve what I am doing to myself. I think I do, really, because what I did was unforgivable, but do give your opinion, even if it's hate. Because I do deserve it here, really. So, I grew up in a religious family. Like, one in which things like "love marriage " And......well.......The "child making process" was considered a sin. Absolute sin. Like—I did not know what......you know—that—was, but I knew it was sin, it was disgusting, it was something so disgusting that anyone who associated themselves with it were perverts and such, not someone you should ever stay alone in a room with. Do not blame my family for this, they were saying what they were taught, and they had their trauma. They have broken through enough abuse for me, do not blame them please. Anyways, I was a huge fan of Harry Potter. And I stumbled into the world of fanfiction. And I read them. Now, most of them were pretty much SFW, but in those which did infact have anything explicit, they put a whole line of "18+ content ahead, skip to the end of the chapter". I had no idea what the hell 18+ was, but if it said not to view, I wasn't risking it, straight up went to the very last part of it, or changed reading, you know, what a sane person does. Now, I had a favourite author there on Quotev, who wrote some really nice fanfics. Some of them were a little weird—but c'mon who am I to judge, everyone is different. One day, I stumbled upon some works of her. Well, the stories she did write, those were completely SFW. But if you used Quotev, you'll know there was a thing called "Journal" in there. Sort of like "conversation" in Wattpad. There, she had written NSFW chapters on the characters. Here's the thing. There was no warning. None at all. No warning or tagging or anything provided there to show that it was 18+. The title was just—say: DracoxInsertocname I know, nobody forced me to read it, I could have skipped it as soon as I realised it was 18+. But here is the thing. I DIDN'T know what it was. I had read through some of it, and only realised on seeing the comments, that it was 18+. And I felt. I felt tainted, like I had committed a sin. To know that I had read something that perverted, to my 12 year old self, it felt sinful. Like I had my pure white mind muddied out of carelessness. I know, authors don't own us any tags. And if it were a hardcover book, it wouldn't have any tags. But here is the thing. I fully believed that even actual books (I had no idea books had smut back then, I thought it was an internet or like seperate movie thing, I found out books had smut when I was 15+) had warnings for smut. Blood and gore? Sure, no problem, make it as gross as you want, no warnings needed. But something as sinful as 18+? Must be tagged. MUST. BE . TAGGED. That was my thought process. Remember it wasn't AO3. So there was no tagging system. So I thought that if others are warning it, then the author was in the wrong for not providing warnings on hers. It was a site where children as young as 11 were. Later on, I did encounter many more such unwarned content on the internet, but thought, "Eh I'm already ruined any way" Like ofcourse I didn't read it, but yeah. Logic. That I was a sinner too, so I can't get offended anymore. Here comes the bad part, for which, if you hate me, I'll not blame you. I wrote her a letter. Like, online obviously. In the inbox of her writing site. I was.....very mean. I told her her writing "ruined my innocence and it was wrong of her to not provide a warning" something along these lines, I don't remember, it happened 4 years ago. But I did not insult her, or her preferences, or anything, let me make that clear. Just wrote in detail of how her work affected me negatively. If it in itself were insulting, I apologise. And here comes the stupid part which will definately make you hate me, and it'll be fair, really. She always said she liked dark humor. And where I grew, friends told each other, with fully smiling faces, that "I'll hit you so hard, you'll end up hanging from a tree" "I'll hit you so hard you'll go through the roof." Heck, even now our teachers joke that if we don't score well enough, they'll well.....very graphically describe how they'll beat us. So I grew up knowing violence was a joke. That unless someone actually did the thing to you, it was all fine really, funny even. Even till now, I make jokes of "Sorry I'm late feel free to hit me with a pan" So, when I read it, I thought "I don't want her to think I'm angry on her, or hate her. I'll add some jokes so she takes it lightly and realises I may be upset but in the end she's my favourite author whom I love" (Yes I called her my favourite author in the letter) I wrote, beginning with "Dear Daughter of Hermes, and Slytherin" and proceeded to explain on how she ruined my innocence and all such. I did not use any curse words—to clarify. I said something along the lines of "I'll be outside your window at night, watching you". Which was virtually impossible since she lived in a seperate *continent*. "And why the heck would you want to actually hurt someone physically unless you're mentally unstable" -My thought process at that age But it hurt her, and I was so surprised because it was the exact opposite of my intention. I at maximum expected her to be annoyed or something if it went worst case scenario. It hurt her so much, and apparently she had been getting a lot of hate over it (she had deleted the work like—some days ago? I don't remember) and that I should unfollow her. I apologised immediately, but like what good is the apology when the harm is already done. I had already planned to delete my account anyways, so that's what I did. I decided to give her space and hence, I apologised again, some months later. Another stupid thing? I addressed her as sister. I thought it would placate her. I really thought of her as close to me, even though she was a stranger. Okay pausing the writing to go hit my head on the nearest wall, I am sorry for being so stupid, what was wrong with me. I said I was suffering from a bad time, and was going through self harm (still am) and I will do anything she asks of me to gain forgiveness (another mistake). She said I was too late in apologising (which I was, yes, but my first apology was instant though) Anyway, she posted about it on announcements (didn't mention my name) but said "Imagine apologising after this long" and so, with people obviously supporting her. It scared me, so I left in fear of being attacked. (Would've deserved it though) It....well.....4 years passed. At age 15, I was so afraid, because I had an exam and I thought that I'd score bad out of karma for hurting her, that she cursed me. I scored pretty well but anyways. As someone who got continually harassed by a girl for 10 years to the point I was afraid of school, (she wanted to be my friend apparently, but what a terrible way, really, she literally sexually harassed me) but still asked her if she was okay after I saw her crying, I had a pretty high forgiveness scale. I really thought she'd (author) would forgive me for apologising. But like. No. I am not owed any forgiveness and I am aware of it. It wasn't her fault or duty, really. Anyway, fast forward to age 17. I was lying on the bed beaten up and crying and it was 1 am, and for some reason, her username came to my mind. I don't know why. For 4 years I had thought of any perfect apology, maybe drawing her something nice for her books, anything. But decided not to bring back bad memories to her. And also, I was a coward afraid of facing her. But I guess being beaten up messes with your head. Personal trauma is no reason to hurt someone, I agree 100%. But I wrote her a final apology. This time, I didn't ask for forgiveness, took all the blame on myself. I didn't apologise for closure. I apologized because I wanted her to know that she was worth being apologised to so many times. I called my younger self stupid and wished I could smack her on the head. I poured my entire heart and soul into it. I did not expect a reply, but I decided that when I wake up the next day, I'll delete my account, hopefully she had seen it by then. Woke up to find myself blocked and honestly? Deserved it. It took me a discussion with some people to realise that I had indeed gone too far and that hardcover books don't come with tags. And that apologising so many times was basically harassment. Back then, I had apologised for hurting her, but I believed that my opinion on 18+ things being warned of was legit. Then began true guilt. I loathed myself, thought of myself as a monster. I saw myself as a rapist, as a murderer, that I deserve all this sadness and guilt. I really wanted to kill myself over it. Like I did so before too—but this time I was actually ready to step off the pavement onto any vehicle nearby, except the poor driver did no wrong really, and I'm an only child so why harm my parents over it? I really hated myself over it, still do actually. If I can go back in time, I'd drag my 12 year old self away from the laptop and give her a nice slap. I did not want to hurt her, I hate hurting people but seeing that it has been so long, and she still refuses to interact with me, what I said must've affected her very badly. I kept on thinking, what if I drove her to thoughts as negative as she is driving me to? Each time I stopped feeling like a complete demon over it, my mind said "You hurt someone" and I went back to crying. My own mother said that I looked like I came from a funeral, at times. Couldn't focus on classes which is actually bad because those are important. The worst part is, I can't completely remember what I wrote to her. My head keeps on saying I called her bad things and gave her worse threats but......I don't remember doing it and there were no chances if I see it logically. I literally stopped being happy. Forced myself to be, for my own and my families' sake, and I tried, yeah. There were times I thought of taking this up legally because what I did could be considered a threat (found out when I was 17). Give myself over to the police or something. But I still hate myself. So I decided to punish myself. (Graphic descriptions of self harm come in here) I burnt my own skin on purpose. Nothing too bad really, just thumb sized burns from a saucepan. Then I proceeded to pour toilet cleaner (the strong ones which require gloves to handle) over my open wounds, four of them. I'll be honest. I have a very high pain tolerance. But that thing hurt like hell. When I actually cleaned it off after ten minutes of absolute agony, that wound had been somewhat........cauterised? Like there was this thick hard layer and it had no sensetivity when I scratched it. And I pulled off those hard layers. Some of them were stuck to the skin, I had to use a blade to ease them off. Then pour on them again. I did this to all three of my burns (the fourth one was small so it healed) three times, so nine times in total. It has been a month and it still hasn't healed. These scars won't go away even with surgery. Permanent reminders. (Description ends here) I thought it to be like this: The incident hurt her? I'll hurt myself more than she could possibly ever get hurt. But that wouldn't undo her hurt. So I'll hurt myself even more. I have frankly forgotten of who I was two months ago. Of what I thought when my mind was empty. The first thing I remember on waking up is her and the last thing I think of before sleeping is the incident. Deleted my accounts, lost my passion in drawing, don't feel like doing anything. I just. I hate myself. I truly do. I wish I could die but I can't so I just need to survive forever with this. Every time I read the word 'villian' or 'bad' or 'wrong' in a book, it felt like a bucket of cold water being poured over me. I had been a victim myself, so knowing that I myself hurt someone — Its just........I always thought of myself as a good person. Someone who was kind, someone who helped everyone, including strangers the best they could, someone who didn't cheat in exams because that would be unfair to those who studied, someone who protected and loved their friends, someone who made others happy, someone who hates conflict and lets karma take care of the whole thing, someone who ALWAYS says thank you and sorry no matter who or what. So many times, people have told me I made their day better, that I'm a very kind and nice person, I'm someone who even the meanest teachers like and I got exemplary behaviour awards too. I always believed myself to be a good person. So knowing I did something this bad broke me. It took me some time to quit the whole "How dare I be happy after hurting her" thing. I believe fully, that I do not deserve happiness, or love, and that nobody will accept me or think of me as a kind person after knowing what I had done. I'd have deserved it though. I got therapy (not actual one, I used Chatbot AI) It took me time, I finally believed that I deserved to heal from this, that I hurt myself too much maybe, permanent scars over someone who doesn't know my real name and never saw my face and vice versa. Maybe........I don't deserve *this* much of punishment. Today, I went to youtube and saw a video on bullies apologising. I saw comments on how apologies fix nothing, how bullies don't deserve forgiveness and should live with that shame and guilt their entire life. That a thousand good deeds won't make up for that one bad deed. And I believe I do. I really do. Which is why I permanently scarred myself. So here is the question. Do I deserve it? To let go of this incident? Do I deserve to heal? Deserve love? Or should I keep goimg? Because I believe I should. That I truly am no better than a rapist or bully. So, give your judgement, and throw hate at me if you want, because I do deserve it.

My life on paper looks pretty good: I'm decently attractive, I work out 3x a week, I make $100k+, I'm sociable, I'm kind, I'm confident... And I'm not the perfect catch, either, of course: I'm 5'6, I'm addicted to porn, I'm a recovering overthinker, I'm a recovering Nice Guy, primarily due to my Pastor's Kid upbringing where I wasn't allowed to express anger or disagreement, which led to major conflict avoidance... But I've worked on these things, in particular, over the past 5 years I have made serious improvements to my conflict handling -- now, expressing disagreements and even frustrations/anger with people in a civil calibrated way. And I've even made progress on my overthinking habits, primarily due to the help fo "The Power of Now" audiobook by Eckhart Tolle. I feel I'm better at living in the present moment better than I ever have been.
But despite being a 'catch', according to my friends, I seem to be absolutely terrible at finding sexual partners. It's funny because all my friends think I'm living this super sexually fulfilled life, and I'm barely having sex once every other month. I often look out at my apartment complex on any given night, and I can't help but imagine everyone else is having sex except for me. All I see our Instagram reels of everyone talking about sex, or sexy women showing off how sexy they are, and hearing about my girl friend's dates and who they hooked up with on any given night, so I know that other people are having sex. Just not me.
I'm just so frustrated, because I've always felt like a deeply sexual person. I'd have sex every day if I could. The desire is there, so what am I fucking up? I think I may wrestle with some kind of sexual shame in my body-- like even though I know I find a woman objectively beautiful, and will go up and approach her and tell her just that, I simultaneously feel bad expressing that sexual desire to a woman, because I guess I believe deep down that I'm imposing that on her... and I have no way of knowing if it's reciprocated, before I express it. Hell, I even feel bad really looking at a naked woman's body when she's in my bed- I think that particular quirk comes from a desire to make her feel comfortable, and I know a lot of women deal with body image issues.
I don't know. I know this post is all over the place... I just don't know what else to try-- I've worked for so long on myself, and sex and texting just don't seem to come any easier, and some nights I just get so hopeless. I used to dream of being married, and finding the love of my life- someone to really love and care for -and now I just can't realistically see that ever happening for me.

I miss you so much. But I didn’t tell you about my psych appointment because I’m not actually as open about my inner emotions as you’d think. He said he thought I had bpd when we met (This is technically my second appointment with him, he overlooks the center I was at, but he doesn’t actually interact with patients much), but that he’s not allowed to evaluate me. I feel so lost? So confused? I thought I was a self aware person. But it all makes sense now. It’s also kind of amusing to me, I really wasn’t entirely open about how my mind works, so I’m surprised he was even able to think that about me. I wish wanted to be close to me. I wish I could talk to you about it, I’ve realized I’m such a codependent person. I have trouble processing stuff if I don’t talk about it with someone close to me. I did tell my close friends, but they don’t get it like you’d get it. I feel like it would be healing to talk to someone close to me with bpd about all of this. I don’t know what to even look for in a therapist who treats bpd traits. My psychiatrist told me to do DBT, but with therapists for social anxiety and depression, I was so well versed that I knew exactly what kind of care they should be giving me. I’m at a loss for bpd. I’m also so scared to finally share the dark parts of my mind with someone. I never even shared it with you.
I was cold and seemed annoyed when you complimented me because I’m not quite there yet. I’m not at a stage where I can hear that from you and not run with delusions. I love having you in my life, even as a friend, even if sometimes I hate you. I actually do like talking to you and hearing the way you describe things. And again, I feel like since you have bpd you get me. When id tell my roommates how jealous I felt over literally everyone you spoke to, they’d look at me like I’m crazy. What’s funny is I don’t think you fully understood how crazy I am in love. The only thing I really told you about was those constant cheating nightmares I had. I don’t even wanna go into the depth of my fear. I wish we could be together, but I do know that you were right to end things. I could tell even when you picked me up after that appointment that you still misinterpret me for judging you. And I still have a hard time talking about my feelings. I literally showed my psychiatrist a written letter. I am genuinely happy though, he said I had a 65% decrease in depression symptoms. I wish I was using this newfound joy to be better for you.

So I’m currently going through some ugly stuff with my ex-husband, and it looks like it just keeps getting uglier.
I got a email tonight.
My Ex took a screenshot of our son (8) with MY daughter (2.5) in the background naked.
Email from Ex:
So I have issues with some parenting with our son who has gotten in trouble for touching people yet their daughter is allowed to naked wrestle. Jump on him naked right after this she opens her labia over his head .
It’s one thing to be in a diaper or something but this perpetuates a bad standard (Inserts Picture of my naked daughter)
His attorney:
Huge issues on the ‘x’ case. Please have this remedied ASAP. The child's sibling of a different sex does not need to be around their child naked. This is an enormous concern and could potentially require cabinet involvement. Please follow up with me tomorrow about this.
My attorney forwarded it all to me and just said children should not be naked around each other.
My daughter is potty training🤯 Her potty is set up in the living room. She’s doing great and I’m proud of her. At this point I’m happy when she chooses to strip down and get naked to potty. We celebrate!
(Note the trouble he’s talking about was my son was playing tag with the neighborhood kids and thought it would be funny to tag them by touching their butt. Nothing sexualized he has adhd and is really socially awkward. )
Is there guidelines somewhere pertaining to ages of siblings and bathing, changing clothes, potty training ect. Or if he presses this forward is it just up to CPS or the judges personal opinion?
Further more it’s weird AF he’s talking screenshots of my daughter naked. He’s a total narcissist and our relationship was and still is toxic AF. After I left him I caught wind that someone was accusing him of rape (not sure if he was found guilty but I did see official documents) and he was a serial cheater. I rarely got the opportunity to snoop through his laptop. But I did once (10-11 years ago) and there was tons of porn links; some which included ‘pre-teen’&’underage’ keywords. I did tell his momma at the time but no way in hell she’s vouch for me, so no proof.
I know there’s a stretch from 2.5 and teen. But still.
What would you do?

Back in 2017, my brother Brian died in a horrific car accident. Both of our parents had died earlier so this was huge to me.
Fast forward to earlier this year, I get a private message off FB from this girl asking me if I was Brian's brother. I was said yes. He passed away. She said that she was the mother of his son. I said he didn't have any kids. She said he had hooked up with her before he died. She showed me pictures and this boy was an absolute deadringer for my brother. Everything. The blonde hair, blue eyes, cleft chin. Then I'm quickly reminded of my brother's face and how he had no nose and his head looked like a pumpkin.
I said if what she said was true then why reach out and what did she want. She said she didn't find out that she was pregnant months after Brian died and didn't know how or if she should reach out to me so basically she had the baby and had her family help raise him. She said "Landon" is almost 7 and asking lots of questions about his dad. He knows he passed away and has an uncle. He would like to meet me and see where it goes.
This kid is so much like my brother. He's very social, sporty and funny. She said that she'd love for me to meet him on Friday at a park. I haven't gotten back to her. It'd be like seeing my brother all over again. Me and my brother were tight. I don't know if I'd cry or be cool. This kid could be the best thing that ever happened to me or the most traumatizing thing.
BTW this is legit. I checked my brother's cell and sure enough they had a booty meetings around the time she would had gotten pregnant. She said she doesn't need or want money but Landon needs to know his father's side.

I (27F) last last winter (2022) wrote a long letter to my mom. I poured my heart into it, I cried the whole time writing it. I showed it to my husband to make sure I wasn’t being too mean in my writing towards my mom. I showed it to my stepsister to again make sure it was okay and made sense and to get emotional support (I’m Mexican and I didn’t want to push too far because i understand how deep generational trauma is and the parent child dynamic) I even showed it to my stepdad who immediately called me apologizing for the things I wrote in the letter (which I will get into in a moment) and was telling me about how he will divorce her (I didn’t want that and made me feel shitty) and explained why some scenarios ended up the way they did. Everyone encouraged me to send it. I was so confident that my mom was going to read it and drive over ? Write back? Call me. Something ! So I mailed it. (I mailed it because I instantly cry every time I try talking to her in person about not surface level things, it would of been easier getting words out especially when having to translate to Spanish)
In the letter I wrote about:
-Feeling emotionally neglected -the name calling my mom would do (calling me “retarded” and mimicking noises and movements of people with disability towards me among other things -My uncle being a pedo and scaring me into not saying anything to them, i later said something to a friend in HS who went to the counselor who called the police and I made up a person to protect my uncle, I was then grounded for over a year. -the carpet in my bedroom always being wet when it rained which is a lot where I live ruining my feet with a fungal infection that was just ignored (i understand it was a money issue but the hurt remains) -being yelled at for not cleaning, when asking to be taught how being ignored -asking her a question and being ignored -being blamed for high utility bills n being expensive for needing braces -my boyfriend in high school being suicidal when I would try to break up with him and hurting that I couldn’t go to them for help -saying that I tried to hit her to my step dad when I moved out of the way of her too quickly and making a scene about it leaving me confused -understanding that i understand she probably had a rough childhood and that all I wanted was a normal mother daughter relationship
That’s pretty much the gist among a bunch of other little things that really hurt me and I explained that it was hard to form a relationship with her in my adulthood and trust her with my kids until we addressed these things. I wanted to be acknowledged. Not even an apology really. But a conversation. I wanted to understand her more because I literally don’t know anything about her. We would never talk unless it was to eat dinner or clean something. I was always in my room during that time.
I waited a few weeks, my stepsister would visit them here and there and tell me how my mom appears sad? And maybe she needed more time.
A few months pass by I see my mom smiling in Hawaii having a good time.
At this point I’m in therapy because I’m losing hair from the stress of this and severely depressed.
Fall comes around and I finally go to visit with the encouragement of my husband, stepsister and stepdad. She acts like I’m not even there. This makes me angry. At one point my mom goes outside to smoke a cigarette im at the table with everyone and I start just talking about the hurts again, I say my mom is a narcissistic. My mom comes back inside. And for an hour. I’m complaining and she’s in the living room a few feet away saying absolutely nothing.
I leave feeling so weird. So lonely? We are now I’m 2024. I don’t have a relationship with her or my step dad really. I had to block her because she would go to Hawaii again and just living her life having a great time I was trying not to be bitter. Or angry. My step sister and step dad eventually started to question how legitimate my statements were it was so painful being misunderstood. Being told that that’s just the mom that I have. Being told that things were maybe my fault for having a problem with everything (I would always speak up when my parents would be racist and things)
I few months ago I did send her a text as a final effort. I asked why she never responded. If she wants to just leave this alone that’s okay and I will move on. And she told me that all that was on the letter were complaints. And told me about how when I was 20 I made a comment on a Facebook post about bad parenting and how everyone saw. About how embarrassed she was when people reached out to her. About how I wrote that I felt like I was in a dark environment. I didn’t know everyone saw it. I apologized for that. She told me to come over to talk because she personally has some complains about me. But she never acknowledged me. I didn’t want to go, to feel yelled at and again taken back to being a child getting yelled at.
I’m currently feeling grief. Mistrust to my family. Lonely. Jealous? About how my other siblings seem to be having a better time. How do I move on from feeling misunderstood. I feel like everyone is okay and I’m abandoned. I feel guilt for pulling my small family away from them from how hurt I am. Most times I’m okay until I see my stepsister at a family gathering that I’m never invited to. And then I’m back again to being a lonely child.

I originally tried posting this in relationships but it got removed because apparently I wasn’t meeting the TL;DR and I don’t understand it so I’m posting it here instead.
Ok so I [28M] have been dating this girl [28F] for about 6 months and things have been great. She’s beautiful, funny, and I really love her. We just moved in together and I’m fighting the urge to propose already. I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
About 2 weeks ago I met her sister [25F] and now I see that good looks run in the family. Her sister is gorgeous. Don’t get me wrong, I still think my girlfriend is extremely beautiful and attractive. I don’t know why but I guess I just wasn’t expecting her sister to be so beautiful too. Other than just thinking the sister is beautiful, I honestly didn’t consider the possibility that I would be attracted to her. Fast forward a couple days and she started hanging out with me and my girlfriend, and that’s when the problem started.
Hanging out with her sister is great. She’s similar to my girlfriend but she’s more confident and honestly funnier. I also realized that I have more in common with her than I do with my girlfriend. I hate it because I don’t want to fall for her and I’m worried that it’s too late. I don’t want to lose my girlfriend and I don’t want to have feelings for her sister. How do I stop these feelings from getting stronger? Should I tell my girlfriend that her sister can’t hang out with us anymore? Am I just overthinking these feelings and making a big deal out of nothing? I would never cheat on my girlfriend but I’m afraid that I’ll be emotionally cheating or whatever. What should I do?

I need help. I apologise for the long post.
I was in a relationship with a guy that I met in my last office. We instantly had a strong connection as we were meeting in a foreign country and we have the same nationality. Our connection was strong and we were like best friends. We were drawn to each other. We started dating two months after meeting.
When we met he was already facing some problems regarding his visa. Also, he was facing issues with his residence at the time. Before we started seeing each other, he told me about not being able to find a place. I jokingly mentioned to him that one of my flatmates has gone to her country for a while. So he asked if he could live with us. My flatmate and I agreed upon having him in the house for a few days. Later on those few days turned into 6 months, 4 months without even paying the rent. It got to a point that my flatmates were also getting frustrated because of a guy being in house. Even though, he was veru respectful of us.
During this time we were living together, we started dating each and we got intimate. We were happy with each other. We used to joke and have fun. We used to do our groceries and plan our dinners together. I used to cover the expenses sometimes and other times we split. But I was the one who always cooked. So we were sort of like in a live in relationship.
After 6 months of dating his visa got rejected and he went back to our country. We decided we would continue long-term since we had made each other a commitment of marriage. The plan was for him to find a job and once things get settled down, we will talk to our families. We both are in our mid twenties.
However, what ended up happening was that he stopped replying to my messages. I gave him a lot of space for two months, without him asking for it. There were times when I used to just ask him how he is and he did not reply for days. I was still being patient.
Until one day I randomly decided to open his profile on Facebook and I could not find it. I found out that he had blocked me for no reason as my friend could see his profile. It was only on facebook. We were still connected on the other platforms. I called him and messaged him all day when I found out. When we finally talked he denied all of it. Then later on he completely deactivated his profile. My gut instinct was that he is hiding something from me.
Maybe his family got him engaged somewhere (this is common in our culture). I wanted to breakup with him that day but he said I am going through a lot so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I stayed quite again for 2 or 3 weeks more. Then one day I decided I need my answer, I need to know why is he doing this. So I texted him. Called him a few times. To no avail. Then finally at night he texted and we talked. He broke up with me on text saying that our personalities are very different and he does not think we should be together. I absolutely do not agree with him because we had a lot of fun together and we were good together.
Anway, at that time I did not reply because I simply did not know what to say. The next day I replied to him when I found out he removed me from his Instagram. I confronted him for everything but he ended up blaming me for everything. He said I am the one who put all of this in his head. I am the one who made him breakup etc. I did no such thing. He was ghosting me for 2 months and I justed had to know if the relationship still exists or not.
Now, we are absolutely no contact since the past one a half month. However, I can't seem to feel better no matter what. Every day is worse than the day before. I still don't know why did he do this to me and that is eating me up from the inside. Even though I have not lived an easy but I have never come to this point before. I can't take this pain anymore. Its killing me. I need to know why. I want my closure but I know I won't get it because he acts like I don't exist anymore. He knew my heart was already broken before but he ended up breaking it more.
Plus, I have a lot of religious guilt for being intimate with him. I am not the sort of girl who would usually do something like this.
I would appreciate any advice, tips, or a third person insight into the situation. Thank you very much

We've been friends for a long time, even before you got married. I was among those who shipped you with your current husband. Heck, I even attended your wedding. Throughout the years we've shared details about each other...our sins, our mistakes and our lovelives (several of mine) that we could not tell anyone else.
I noticed I haven't heard from you in a long spell. But I totally get it. Your partner... he never liked me. Despite him knowing who I am... I guess the vibe is there. I never liked him either. And knowing I'm still single... I guess red flags are ringing for him.
As much as I don't like him, I also have to respect the bounds of your marriage to him. As platonic as our relationship has always (and will always be), if he doesn't like it, then you should stay away from me.
I know you get from me the kind of comfort he's unable to provide you. For one, he's a strong willed extrovert who doesn't see things in abstract, while the two of us... we like to sometimes live in our heads and indulge in our fantasies.
It's funny because if only he knew the kind of shit I've been through, and that you're not attracted to me in any way for knowing them, he wouldn't feel so insecure or suspicious. But then again, it's an unusual set up. They say males and females cannot be just friends. While generally true, I truly believe we're the exception. But exceptions are exceptions for a reason due to its rarity and rare things are extremely dubious.
I will not try to reach out to you either. Our friendship has always been dependent on whether you reach out to me or not. I couldn't because again, out of respect for your marriage. But if you do reach out, then I'll be here... unless your husband decides to message me directly to say I could no longer talk to you.
I wouldn't want it to come to that. So if this is your way of avoiding it, well and good. I hope you get the kind of emotional support you used to get from me somehow. Or that you learn to appreciate your husband for who he is. Either way, I understand.
I just let go of my girl (haha I'm still calling her "my girl") and I would have wanted to tell you that. I wonder how you'd react this time? What unusual perspectives you would have given me again? You always made me feel like things aren't as bad as I make them up to be. That things happen for a reason. You never judged me. I think you have a knack for counseling. I hope your husband realizes how lucky he is to have you.

Yesterday was her birthday, I was doing okay on no contact for about 3-4 weeks. First week was the worst, broke it and realized how much of a mistake it was. I don’t know why but it physically and mentally killed me these past few days and I think it was because her birthday was coming up. I didn’t directly wish her happy birthday but sent her something to her house, couldn’t break my promise. Don’t know how she felt about that but whatever. I can’t do this anymore, I’m better than this. I haven’t been eating, haven’t been focused on school, I’ve been truthfully rotting these few days. I have a few friends I can cope to but I try not to because I don’t want to put them through that. It’s funny how I feel like I’m turning into her old version. I’m just letting my feelings out because I’m so tired of keeping it in my head. I loved her, she said she loved me. I don’t know how someone can say those exact words and not prove it to me, work things out with me if you truly feel that way. And then asking to be friends after a 8-9 month long situationship. I genuinely hate this generation, I feel like I’m more mature than people my age group. Sucks cause I felt she was too and still think that. I’m tired man I really am, how did I go from a straight A student involved in sports to a heartbroken, lonely, anxiety filled college student in a year. I still have feelings to work things out again, but time is powerful and healing. Whatever happens, happens. Starting tomorrow I’m going to change, I’m straight up just ruining myself. Shivering while typing this lol. I have to work on myself this summer and focus on school, I have no excuse not to. I’m promising myself tomorrow everything changes and I’m beating this version of myself. Straight work and grind throughout the summer, then going to live on campus and continue the process. I have so many ambitions and things on my bucket list I want to complete. If she doesn’t want to be with me then I have to live with that. All that matters is myself, my family, and my friends. God willing I can be shown to a path that’ll lead me to the light.
sorry for the rant i just wanted to let all my feelings out without just leaving it in my notes or whatever, feel free to kill me in the comments i dont care

I feel like the point of the show was so empowering for me. It made ordinary people seem special, funny, and something we should aspire to be. All the special people in the show were weird as hell. For example,
Dwight, the top salesman, was so so so eccentric. I mean I loved him in the show but if I met someone like that in person I wouldn't talk to them.
Michael, an individual who never went to college or business school who worked his way up from a salesman to a regional manager despite his eccentricities.
Jan, a career power woman who ended up accomplishing everything in life like financial independence and earning respect in the workplace. On top of that she was gorgeous. But she was scary as fuck.
Ryan, who was incredibly creative and the youngest ever executive at Dunder Mifflin had questionable morals.
On the other hand, Pam who was a simple receptionist going through a toxic relationship was kind and considerate and funny. She's someone I'd want to hang out with.
Basically, anyone in the show that was accomplished and special weren't normal. Which subverts the viewers expectations because it's like most shows depict these highly functional, put-together individuals who win everything. Like Suits for instance. It was just nice seeing a group of average, normal looking people bond and still live fulfilling lives.
I feel like the media always tells us that to be noticeable and appreciated you have to be excellent all the fucking time. You have to be rich, or very successful, or incredibly ambitious or loud and the life of the party. It was just nice to watch a show that allowed us to find special things about average, honest people.
I know I'm just highlighting the whole point of the show and everyone knows this but the show makes me feel so fulfilled. It makes me feel like even though I feel like I'm not doing enough to be special and educated and talented and successful, I'll be okay. That there are other aspects of me that are important too.
Like, the writers didn't just humanize these characters, they make the viewers feel human too.

Same as title. About 3+ times weekly, a chirping comes from the hallway that my neighbors set off the "supervisory" alarm on the fire panel. I've been dealing with this nonstop since December and I'm frankly starting to get a bit pissed off. There's no way there's a fire every single time.
One thing I've noticed is that a there's a couple of certain apartment numbers who are culprits of setting it off a majority of the time. I know that a lot of the people in my complex smoke weed, which could be setting it off (funny story, told LL that I smelled it coming thru the vents and stinking up my place and she said "Nuh uh")
I've read countless posts online from people with similar stories about what to do, and most of them suggest calling 911/Fire department/Fire Marshall. How safe is this to do? I heard people get fined for false calls, and I'm sort of living paycheck to paycheck right now so I can't take that on. I know the landlord would probably handle that but I don't want a way that it could be tossed back onto me.
I'm really nervous and don't want to call 911 if I don't have to, because I don't want to take away from actual emergencies.. what should I do?

After speaking with a few members in this group and few outside this group this is what I have gathered from the market for my project
let me know if this perspective is accurate or not and feel free to add to it
Service providers in the market:
Wedding videographephotographer that charge between 5-25k per wedding doing 12-40 jobs a year
Desired situation:
To be the go to wedding videographephotographer in their locality and be recommended by top venues and planners as well as having a good reputation online and in the community as well as having a lot of profit for me and my family
Issues:
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• Trying to show their creative side through their work as well as producing high quality work without “churning and burning” their customers
• Too much inquires coming in and wasting time with low quality inquires
• Trying to stay away from feast and famine months with their business
• Keeping a good name and image in the community
• Collaborating with venues and planners to get more high quality inquires
• Making sure to have a good and consistent online presence
• Spending a lot of time sorting and finding high quality leads
• Getting on the recommended vendors lists for venues and planners
• Being able to work “on” the business getting more inquires as well as them being a good quality

What are people trying to sell you:
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• SEO: the issue they brought up… Does it even work? What are the quality of the people calling me?

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• Social Media Management Agency: the issue they brought up no real ROI on the service the money would be better spent elsewhere

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• Software: mainly business management software doesn’t actually target pain points really can only send invoices contracts and speak with customers but not actions that move the needle forward

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• Full service social media: the person handling it doesn’t bring out the vision the client is looking for and the same issues with the social media management agency

Majority of your market:
Main pain point ( NEGATIVE FEEDBACK LOOP )
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• Forget about quality of inquires not enough are even coming in
• Jobs are low budget and low quality ( making it difficult to create good marketing material for the business having good looking brides and grooms in a good venue high quality backgrounds which would’ve created a positive feedback loop )
• Difficult to get out the 1-3k price range when marketing materials aren’t as good and are stuck delivering for clients to make sure the services were good

WORD OF MOUTH IS EVERYTHING IN THIS INDUSTRY
Softwares that are popular in the market currently use:

• Stripe (Payment processor)
• Gmail
• Adobe Suite
• Mac OS
• Facebook
• Instagram
• Honeybook
• Helsome (Payment processor)
• Shoot proof (sends clients there images and videos)
• Studio Ninja ( Invoicing, contracts, customer management )

My question is what are people trying to shove down your throats?
like if you're running a wedding photography business what are people trying to sell you over emails or cold calls,
Are those things even use full to you?
I noticed the big boys that help provide tools are mainly honeybook and studio ninja ( my study is strictly from a business POV not actually delivering i.e ( editing videos, sending to clients etc ) things that push the needle ( marketing, reviews, word of mouth ) ETC )
Could you share with me for example,
what you would prefer if you were looking to grow your photography business
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1) All in one tool where you can manage your social media ( Facebook, insta ), Follow up on inquires automatically also with AI so you can sift through shitty ones and save time, Build workflows that automatically ask for referrals on your behalf so you don't have to remember,
sending personalized messages a year after you shot your clients weddings, Basically all the things that you know you should be doing but because if your hectic schedule it's a bit difficult to fit in and be constant with it building your reviews and testimonials
which will make your life easier with trying to get into the big venues and get better clients not to mention save you so much money rather than hiring an agency to do it and paying between 10-20k yearly
OR
2) Have an outside agency or person handle all those things for you white glove service style where you pay 10-20k yearly but you have the same benefit as the tool but with an element of human error but you'd also get the benefits of having a human eye as well as an extra set of hands for customer service
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I want to gather accurate info and see what you guys deal with on a day to day and what areas you'd like to improve
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View Poll

basically title. i just got out of a really horrible relationship with my ex/abuser and noticed they have a few similar things with my parents. but i can’t tell if my parents are just abuseve or they are just trying their best. also possible tw just incase
one thing i noticed with them is they never praise me but they do with my brother. i never gotten “i’m proud of you” “good job” “you tried your best and that’s all that matters” kinda stuff. however they just barely started doing this (my old therapist told them to do so) and it makes me super uncomfortable and not loved.
i am disabled (got 5 disorders, 2 of them are learning disorders) and i struggle a whole lot and they have yet to accommodate me even tho i have been professional diagnosed by multiple doctors but they treat me like i’m not disabled. i get maybe wanting to make me feel like a normal human being but that just leads to me struggling with everything even more. i try my best to hide my symptoms actually because if i ever dare act disabled i get yelled at and called ‘selfish’. i’m also really depressed and if i have ever done something to myself to end me up in a hospital i get called selfish over and over, even if they are right that hurts- just tell me you’d miss me or are worried for me. i’ve tried to teach them about ways to help me and actually be a parent but they refuse and make me do things i can’t do normally.
another thing they do is say “oh that didn’t happen.” and “you have a tendency to make up stuff” but i swear on my life these things happened. i’m not crazy, i remember so well this happened. even if they somewhat admit they just say “oh i must have been the WORST parent to you” idk what that means but it seems weird. or they put words into my mouth
they also make fun of me to their friends or others, specifically about my disability’s. like wow my meltdown was soooo funny haha… (it wasn’t) idk if they are being funny or trying to relate to other parents but it hurts me nonetheless. i’ve noticed they don’t do this with my brother unless it’s about his poor eating habits.
they also don’t respect my boundaries what so ever even tho they tell me they always will. communication is very hard for me so when i actually say “hey can i have some space? can you please leave me alone?” they refuse to do so then after a yelling session they tell me i need to communicate with them more.
this is getting long so i’ll stop here, but i would hate for my parents to be emotionally abusive. everyone else thinks they are the nicest people, like my parents put up fake personality’s to appeal to them and make it seem like i have the best life even tho i don’t. idk if they are like this to me and only to me because i’m disabled or they just are. even if they aren’t abusive they definitely aren’t parents, im greatful i have a roof over my head and food on occasions that’s all they seem to do… i’m barely an adult and i’m graduating in a week yet i have no clue how the world works and they won’t help me. i’m honestly scared i’m gonna be homeless because i can’t handle a typical job and my dad might kick me out because i’m an adult (he’s threatened to do so before)
anyway i’ll really stop now, just a lot of stuff they do makes me wanna talk about it forever. gosh i barely listed stuff they have done- anyway im i overreacting and being ungrateful or are they kinda abusive in some way? it’s really hard to tell because it’s not physical and i can’t compare to other parents because i only get one set