“So, what did you ask for?” Connor asked, talking to a skull that was dangling off a discarded spear. The handle of the spear firmly lodged into the charred ground, coating the spear shaft in the fine black dust of the soil. When the skull didn’t answer, he continued talking to himself. “See, I wanted my mom to be happy. She looked down after work, so young me thought a deal with the devil was the only way to solve that. She was happy for that day, though, so I guess things worked out. Man, you’re a good listener. None of the demons ever listen. It’s just torture this, hellfire that. But you. You get me. Do you want to be friends?”
A spurt of fire caught Connor’s skin, causing him to jump protectively in front of the skull, shielding it with his body. The torn fabrics he wore as clothing dangled, getting caught on the embers, only to be put out by his frantic pats. Before him stood the culprit of the fire, the devil himself. The hellish form was hard for the mortal mind to comprehend, being seen as a swirl of screaming faces that somehow formed a horned, chiseled red face. It was like a collage of suffering that stung Connor’s eyes if he stared for too long.
“You’re the one I need. Your sanity hasn’t broken, nor has your will been sucked from your flesh.” The devil stepped forward, his movement causing a spark of fire to drift from the ground, as if his body emitted raw heat with each step.
Connor shifted left and right, trying to block the skull from view. “You better not take Skully away, you red bastard. I’ll fight you.” Sanity may have not been the best word to use for Connor’s state. Torture quickly withered away a person’s mind, but in Connor’s case, he hadn’t been subjected to it as long as the others. So, somewhere deep in that haze of confusion and insanity, sat a human still.
The devil groaned, staring down at the human, those deep black pupils meeting Connor’s eyes. “I don’t want the skull. I want you. The angels demand I show them a soul that can be saved, someone who is showing a positive change from my ‘rehabilitation.’ I want you to be that person.”
“Can Skully come?” Connor asked, not understanding what the devil was on about. All of it sounded fascinating though, as if would be something worth doing. It had to be better than torture, anyway.
The devil didn’t answer. Instead, he grasped Connor’s throat, squeezing it until a blue orb was pushed out of Connor’s mouth, being spat onto the ground before the demon. The orb bounced against the floor; the spit dripping from it turning to steam as it rolled along the hot ground. “No, I only need this.” He tossed the now lifeless body of Connor away, collecting the soul in his palm, taking it to the agreed upon destination.
In a small fish and chip shop in England, the devil sat, holding a briefcase. The king of hell disguised in a black trench coat, with red and black sunglasses. As he waited for the angel representative, he stroked his goatee, expecting his meal to be brought out soon. When the box of greasy fish and chips hit the table, he was interrupted. Unable to even get a bite in before the angel sat across from him.
Osira patted down her skirt as she sat across from the devil. The look she gave him was that of disgust, nose wrinkled as if he stank worse than the old oil the shop used. “I hope you have something to show me this time. God seems open to the idea of removing you entirely. Hell is an outdated concept, and you’re irrelevant.” While angels were meant to be perfect, she couldn’t help but smile at the word irrelevant. Osira, getting a lot of glee after seeing how that made the devil tense, digging his powerful hand into the table after she said it.
“I’m needed now more than ever. Hell can work. Some souls can even show remorse after coming here.” He handed the briefcase over. “Look at this soul here. A poor man who gave up his soul for the simple wish of making his mother happy. With my harsh love, he’s developing into a man that can understand the error of his ways. He even still has hit wits about him. I assure you, all the rumors you’re hearing about hell are false. The people who come here are fine.”
She opened the briefcase, staring at the shining blue light that emanated from it. The light sparkling in her eyes, before she shut it, having glimpsed Connor’s life in that moment. “How many wits he has left is debatable. Although, I admit, he appears sane enough to disprove the rumors.” She hated how honest angels had to be, wishing she could lie so they could finally rid the world of the devil.
“Great, so don’t bother me for another thousand years, ok?” The devil went to grab his briefcase, only for Osira to pull it away.
“I’m keeping this one. The terms of his deal weren’t greedy, nor were they sinful. For that reason, I don’t think he needs to be held in your captivity any longer. Consider his sentence served. I would like to ask him personally about hell.”
“You can’t do that. He’s mine to tor-rehabilitate.”
“So, you think he deserves more punishment for such a small misdemeanor? It’s already been two years. Let me remind you that anything you say will be passed onto god.”
“FINE, TAKE HIM.” The devil hissed, waving his hand at her. Knowing how bad it would look if he demanded to keep the soul.
“I will do that, thank you. We will be in touch once we hear what the man has to say.” With that, the angel left, leaving the devil to stew in his frustrations, not even hungry enough to finish the food before him.
In heaven, Osira set the soul down, reforming his body around the soul. The pact between heaven and hell always made it hard for them to find out information about hell. Since angels couldn’t go to hell, the only way to get information was from either the devil or ex humans that left hell. Unfortunately, hell wasn’t a place many left or escaped from and those that did were never the same. Which is why she hoped Connor would be different.
When his eyes opened, Osira smiled. “Glad you’re awake. Now, why don’t you tell me about hell, if you can?” she said, holding his hand, hoping he held the key to shutting down hell.

It's okay to record, post and monetize (as long as you don't put it behind a paywall), just credit me.
Feel free to tweak it, change the roles and pronouns, correct my orthography, just don't change it too much.
Feedback is appreciated.
(SFX: knock knock)
“Come on in”
(SFX: door opens and closes)
“You are finally here”
[pause]
“You are late”
[pause]
“Spare me the pleasantries, your tardiness already caused us to be late”
[pause]
“I recall telling you how important today is”
[pause]
“As far as excuses go, the traffic is hardly a good one, you should have investigated the state of it and planned accordingly”
[pause]
(sight) “Arguing about the matter any further is pointless, go get changed”
[pause]
“You will find the clothes I want you to wear in the bathroom, they are sure to fit you”
[pause]
“Last time I checked costume made suits tended to fit”
[pause]
“I left your fee right next to it too”
[pause]
“You are free to count it of course, I assure you it is your especial fee”
[pause]
“No, standard fee won’t cut it today, after all today you are going to have to deal with my parents”
[pause]
“Besides offering discounts to someone who clearly can and is willing to pay isn’t a very good business strategy”
[pause]
“I do not need special distinction from your other clients”
[pause]
“Moving on, you did read the notes and pointers I sent you, right?”
[pause]
“Good, they will pay attention to those sort of things”
[pause]
“Do not let your guard down or your attention slip”
[pause]
“Now then, go get dressed, we are already late enough as it is”
[pause]
“If you hurry, we can still make our lateness fashionably”
[pause]

---a little later---

“You weren’t lying about the traffic, we can expect to hear my father tell us the exact same thing I told you before, that is rather frustrating”
[pause]
(SFX: chattering and cups ringing)
(whispers) “It seems we are the last to arrive, that will certainly attract attention”
[pause]
(whispers) “Remember, don’t speak unless spoken too”
[pause]
(whispers) “Aside from the true nature of our relationship, talk honestly, but briefly and paying mind to what you say”
[pause]
“Do you see that person over there looking in our direction?”
[pause]
“that’s someone my parents wanted to pair me with”
[pause]
“Do you remember what to do?”
[pause]
“Wrap your arm around my waist”
[pause]
“Just like that”
[pause]
“Now, let’s mingle for a bit, before my parents inevitably approach us”
[pause]
“The more people see us together the better”
[pause]
“My uncle and aunt are looking at us, see them whisper? Knowing them they are saying that I probably only brought you to spite my parents”
[pause]
“How rude, that is not why I brought you”
[pause]
“You are also good to keep suitors away”
[pause]
“Speaking of which here comes one, I'll allow you to kiss my cheek, quickly and lightly”
[pause]
“that’s enough, he is walking away now”
[pause]
“This is a huge bother, isn’t it?”
[pause]
“Rest assured, I'm looking for chances to ditch this so-called party as we speak”
[pause]
“You only say that because you didn't grow up in this environment”
[pause]
“If you had, you would know there’s nothing nice about this party”
[pause]
“I came merely to make act of presence and I brought you merely to introduce you as my partner, so my parents stop arranging meetings with suitors I do not have the slight less interest on”
[pause]
“And there they are now, let’s go greet them and then get out of here”
[pause]
“If you want to eat high cuisine that badly I can arrange for that next time, now come on”

--- later---

(sigh) “that took longer than I anticipated”
[pause]
“Thank you for today”
[pause]
“Before you go, here’s a little extra for tonight”
[pause]
“Hopefully it’s enough to buy that computer part you been talking about”
[pause]
“Yes, I paid attention when you talked about it, after all our relationship would not be credible if I didn’t know at least something about your interests”
[pause]
“Yes, I am aware that it is not necessary to give you a bonus, it’s just something I want to do”
[pause]
“Because making just enough money to afford rent and food is not good”
[pause]
“You need things you like, not just things you need”
[pause]
“By all means, ask me anything”
[pause]
“Let me stop you right there, I would very much prefer it if our relationship continued as it is, I am merely your costumer let us keep it that way”
[pause]
“Second question? Ask away”
[pause]
“Why do I hire you?”
[pause]
“Well, if you must know it is because you are a logical option”
[pause]
“You are not half bad to look at, I would say you are attractive enough for us dating to make sense”
[pause]
“You have a day job respectable and hard enough for my father to approve, but common enough for my mother to disapprove”
[pause]
“And there’s another thing”
[pause]
“I have the suspicion that you have been in love with me since we were sixteen”
[pause]
“The reason behind it is a mystery to me, but if I am going to pay someone to pretend to be my partner, I would rather if it’s someone who genuinely likes me, that way I can be sure they are never going to rat me out to anyone between the social circle I’m obligated to be a part of”
[pause]
“don’t look so disappointed, as I mentioned you are quite attractive, anyone else would be delighted have you as a real partner”
[pause]
“Your other costumer for example, I think it’s obvious for the two of us that she is completely head over heels for you”
[pause]
“You are dismissed, you can go now”
[end part 1]

It's okay to record, post and monetize (as long as you don't put it behind a paywall), just credit me.
Feel free to tweak it, change the roles and pronouns, correct my orthography, just don't change it too much.
Feedback is appreciated.
(SFX: knock knock)
“Come on in”
(SFX: door opens and closes)
“You are finally here”
[pause]
“You are late”
[pause]
“Spare me the pleasantries, your tardiness already caused us to be late”
[pause]
“I recall telling you how important today is”
[pause]
“As far as excuses go, the traffic is hardly a good one, you should have investigated the state of it and planned accordingly”
[pause]
(sight) “Arguing about the matter any further is pointless, go get changed”
[pause]
“You will find the clothes I want you to wear in the bathroom, they are sure to fit you”
[pause]
“Last time I checked costume made suits tended to fit”
[pause]
“I left your fee right next to it too”
[pause]
“You are free to count it of course, I assure you it is your especial fee”
[pause]
“No, standard fee won’t cut it today, after all today you are going to have to deal with my parents”
[pause]
“Besides offering discounts to someone who clearly can and is willing to pay isn’t a very good business strategy”
[pause]
“I do not need special distinction from your other clients”
[pause]
“Moving on, you did read the notes and pointers I sent you, right?”
[pause]
“Good, they will pay attention to those sort of things”
[pause]
“Do not let your guard down or your attention slip”
[pause]
“Now then, go get dressed, we are already late enough as it is”
[pause]
“If you hurry, we can still make our lateness fashionably”
[pause]

---a little later---

“You weren’t lying about the traffic, we can expect to hear my father tell us the exact same thing I told you before, that is rather frustrating”
[pause]
(SFX: chattering and cups ringing)
(whispers) “It seems we are the last to arrive, that will certainly attract attention”
[pause]
(whispers) “Remember, don’t speak unless spoken too”
[pause]
(whispers) “Aside from the true nature of our relationship, talk honestly, but briefly and paying mind to what you say”
[pause]
“Do you see that person over there looking in our direction?”
[pause]
“that’s someone my parents wanted to pair me with”
[pause]
“Do you remember what to do?”
[pause]
“Wrap your arm around my waist”
[pause]
“Just like that”
[pause]
“Now, let’s mingle for a bit, before my parents inevitably approach us”
[pause]
“The more people see us together the better”
[pause]
“My uncle and aunt are looking at us, see them whisper? Knowing them they are saying that I probably only brought you to spite my parents”
[pause]
“How rude, that is not why I brought you”
[pause]
“You are also good to keep suitors away”
[pause]
“Speaking of which here comes one, I'll allow you to kiss my cheek, quickly and lightly”
[pause]
“that’s enough, he is walking away now”
[pause]
“This is a huge bother, isn’t it?”
[pause]
“Rest assured, I'm looking for chances to ditch this so-called party as we speak”
[pause]
“You only say that because you didn't grow up in this environment”
[pause]
“If you had, you would know there’s nothing nice about this party”
[pause]
“I came merely to make act of presence and I brought you merely to introduce you as my partner, so my parents stop arranging meetings with suitors I do not have the slight less interest on”
[pause]
“And there they are now, let’s go greet them and then get out of here”
[pause]
“If you want to eat high cuisine that badly I can arrange for that next time, now come on”

--- later---

(sigh) “that took longer than I anticipated”
[pause]
“Thank you for today”
[pause]
“Before you go, here’s a little extra for tonight”
[pause]
“Hopefully it’s enough to buy that computer part you been talking about”
[pause]
“Yes, I paid attention when you talked about it, after all our relationship would not be credible if I didn’t know at least something about your interests”
[pause]
“Yes, I am aware that it is not necessary to give you a bonus, it’s just something I want to do”
[pause]
“Because making just enough money to afford rent and food is not good”
[pause]
“You need things you like, not just things you need”
[pause]
“By all means, ask me anything”
[pause]
“Let me stop you right there, I would very much prefer it if our relationship continued as it is, I am merely your costumer let us keep it that way”
[pause]
“Second question? Ask away”
[pause]
“Why do I hire you?”
[pause]
“Well, if you must know it is because you are a logical option”
[pause]
“You are not half bad to look at, I would say you are attractive enough for us dating to make sense”
[pause]
“You have a day job respectable and hard enough for my father to approve, but common enough for my mother to disapprove”
[pause]
“And there’s another thing”
[pause]
“I have the suspicion that you have been in love with me since we were sixteen”
[pause]
“The reason behind it is a mystery to me, but if I am going to pay someone to pretend to be my partner, I would rather if it’s someone who genuinely likes me, that way I can be sure they are never going to rat me out to anyone between the social circle I’m obligated to be a part of”
[pause]
“don’t look so disappointed, as I mentioned you are quite attractive, anyone else would be delighted have you as a real partner”
[pause]
“Your other costumer for example, I think it’s obvious for the two of us that she is completely head over heels for you”
[pause]
“You are dismissed, you can go now”
[end part 1]

I ‘30F’ value my ‘30F’ privacy and rarely disclose personal details about my husband ‘36M’ to friends and family….Conversely, my husband ‘36 M’, that I ‘30F’ have been married to for two years, freely shares information about everything to his ‘36M’ parents. While some general information, doesn’t bother me, I ‘30 F’ expect certain conversations and events happening in the marriage like those about my feelings or those I am ‘30F’ not proud of, to remain between us and not shared especially with the family even though the intentions might be to comfort me about the situation.
I ‘30 F’ attempted to discuss this matter with my husband ‘36 M’, which only led to tension and caused the in-laws to resent me (clearly he ‘36 M’ told his parents to stop repeating information in front of me because that’s how I ‘30F’ used to found out what was shared)….Also, My husband’s family gilt trip him ‘36 M’ to telling them everything because they tell him ’36 M’ everything And my husband ‘36 M’ is very good at not disclosing his family’s information at all, which means he ‘36 M’ is capable of not sharing if he ‘36M’ chose to). Now, even though he ‘36M’ shares information with his family, he ‘36M’ tells them to not repeat it and I am ‘30F’ having trouble trusting him and started to hide things from him because of that. The other annoying thing is that he ‘36M’ consults with his parents about every single decision, which I ‘36M’ found hard to believe given his age. …………….
Currently, my husband ‘36 M’ only communicates with his family in my absence, hides text messages from his mother when I ‘30F’ around , and in our last family visit, they avoided me at all cost and kept conversations minimal. My intention is not to separate my husband ‘36M’ from his family, but I ‘30F’ would like to feel comfortable sharing everything about me knowing it stays with my partner that I ‘30F’ chose. ……………….
My husband ‘36M’ is against the idea of trying couples therapy so I ‘30 F’ am unsure how to proceed, do I accept the situation as it stands? Do I (F30) attempt to repair the damage, or find another solution? Do I speak to my in-laws about this matter? Did anyone deal with similar situation? Do everyone’s in-laws know the ins and out of your marriage? Or am I being paranoid?
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!

I’m not quite sure how to start this, but the main goal of this post is to hopefully gain some advice on how to be as much as a help to my mother (39F) as possible, through her third trimester and past postpartum.
For some context, this baby will be my mother’s fourth child, however, he’s her first child with her current boyfriend (35?M). The rest of us have the same father who she was married to for around 18 years, until a few years ago. She has been with her current partner for two years. (Their anniversary was recently)
My father was quite abusive and my mom was left to do most things regarding us children alone, as a very young woman.
I do not want this pregnancy to be anything like that. However, I’m not sure that her current partner is completely ready for this father role. Which is fair, considering this is his first child and this was an accidental pregnancy.
He has yet to move in with us, which I am sure my mother is concerned about, because he has had since December to do so and it is now late May. He is a slow person in general and takes his time, but my mother has expressed to him many times that she would like for him to be moved in as soon as possible. He lives with his mom and brother as a caregiver figure of sorts for his mother (To give him so grace… but it’s barely that). However, we live extremely close and it would be very easy for him to get to her.
This next piece of context is extremely important!! I have a brother (13) who is special needs. He has a chromosome disorder so rare he’s the only person on earth with it. It’s quite hard to explain, but he needs 24/7 supervision. And he’s not easy to manage. Thankfully, he has a caregiver that helps some days of the week. But on the days he doesn’t, he is a lot for my mother to handle. I help the best I can, but I often feel like I can’t do enough to be a good help after her baby is born.
I am constantly researching things about pregnancy, birth, postpartum, babies, and more. I think instagram thinks i’m expecting at this point. But I’m not, and I’ve never been. I don’t know how to help in ways that are worthwhile. What can I do to truly make my mom as happy as possible? And to make this her best pregnancy experience yet?
I clean and make her breakfast (sometimes on breakfast… i tried to make her a snack yesterday and ended up just wasting food, and it’s things like that that make me wonder if I’m making things worse by trying to help. Maybe i’d just be getting in the way) but for some reason i feel like nothing is enough.
I know there’s only so much I can do. But sometimes i wish I could take the baby and raise him as my own away from her, so she could finally spend part of her just for herself, not taking care of others.
Also, I don’t have my drivers license, and don’t plan on getting it because the drivers where I live are very bad. We got in a car accident last month, and I’ve felt shaken up in the car ever since. I bring that up because it means i can’t go get stuff for her postpartum, unless I use my electric bike. I would like to be able to help in that way, though.
I just graduated high school, so I’ve been getting lots of money. I’ve been trying to either save it or spend it on the baby and my mom. I also have an internship for June that will make me over 1 or 2,000 dollars I can’t remember. I wanted to give it all to her. Maybe pay part of the hospital bill? I know those are really bad.
She’s also been stressed about money, I think. For some reason, her managers won’t give her shifts. Her partner works at the same place, but since he lives with his mom, he isn’t working and is focusing on pharmacy school stuff. Maybe i’m projecting my own feelings, (Because from time to time i resent them for getting pregnant) but i can imagine she’s upset he isn’t thinking ahead to all the things this baby will need.. all the expenses… etc.
Anyway, that was a lot of rambling, sorry. If anyone has advice for me on how to helpful without getting in the way, please let me know. I need it very much, and it’s eternally appreciated. Even if you just list off things people would’ve helped you with when you were pregnant and postpartum.
She doesn’t like me helping because i’m a (her) kid, but it feels like my duty as the eldest. I might update this if i remember more things but for now :) thank you

After a wonderful year with an amazing girl (24F) who I(26M) fell in love with and was building a future with, I got suddenly dumped. Just a few days before the anniversary of the day we met.
About two months ago, after I returned from a trip, she came to meet me with the intention to break up because she felt the relationship had lost the ‘spark’. We had a healthy conversation and communicated the flaws and what was missing and decided that we would work on them together and revive it. Over the next month, we did exactly that, both proclaimed that we loved each other. We had our serious discussions and planned out the next couple months with weekend trips, and her introducing me to her mom who was supposed to visit this past weekend.
May 1st, her birthday, I surprised her, had a wonderful day on the weekend with her friends and everything seemed to be going great. She came by to spend the night next day and she would reiterate her feelings for me, through words and actions and everything seemed to be going great. May 8th, before going to sleep, I told her how much I missed her, and what exactly I missed about her to reiterate my feelings to show how serious I was as well. May 9th, morning, she replied normally and said she missed me as well and wished she could cuddle with me all day every day. I jokingly said I want to hear more, in detail as to how much she misses me. That message was followed by an entire day of silence. We were supposed to meet later that day however, she made up a reason to not meet and then called me later in the night and broke the news.
She felt she did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore. She had come to realize, that she would never love me the way I love her. We met a day later to say our goodbyes as I was in a state of shock. I was blindsided. I thought I only reciprocated the feelings. She mentioned that ‘I miss you’ message from me made her realize that she could never love me the same way. She said she will always hold love for me and care for me, and cherish the memories we made over the past year. I couldn’t muster up the courage to fight for us, how could I knowing that it was probably the last time I would be seeing her? I asked her what changed, what happened, what did I do and all she responded was ‘I don’t have an answer for you. I wish there was a reason, because you do and say everything that I want you to do and hear.’ Yet she left me. I didn’t beg, all I could say was, if that’s what you feel, how can I change your feelings?
I sent a letter proclaiming my feelings to her and why I said what I said and how ‘she’ had planned all those trips and plans over the next couple weekends and the summer. The day it got delivered, I sent her a message that I wasn’t expecting a response, even though I so much wanted to, and that I will be blocking/removing her from my instagram as that’s the only social media app I use.
She didn’t reply, it broke me apart, but maybe that was for the best? So, it’s been 17 days of no contact, and I miss her every day, all day. I truly loved her and this has broken me into a million pieces. She was the first girl I was going to confess my love for, to my conservative and religious mother. It felt like someone snatched the earth from beneath me. I wake up in the middle of the night multiple times trembling or sweating dreaming about her. I have lost 8 pounds due to a loss in appetite. I have been meditating, journaling, working out, playing soccer, staying busy as all of you have said but it still feels like a gaping hole in my heart. I get anxious and shortness of breath. I cry till I can’t cry anymore. Each day is a battle with myself so I don’t reach out to her.
How do you go from best friends one day and to being a stranger the next? She made me a better man than I was yesterday and now it feels like everything I had hoped for is shattered. I know time heals all wounds, but how do I go forward knowing she will not be a part of my life the way I had and atleast till the last day, she had envisioned as well? It hurts.
I miss her so much and I know I will always love her. But I’m doing my best to stay no contact so I can hopefully heal. Why is the world so cruel?

Before everyone comes at me 'NoT aLL MeN' yada yada yada yes some men are good fathers, good husbands ect. There are also women who aren't satisfactory spouses or parents and who abuse people. However my experience and the statistics themselves paint an abysmal picture of men and this is a thread about why women are choosing to avoid men and are increasingly choosing to be single and childfree. If you are one of the men who does the bare minimum I won't be patting you on the back. If you are one of the men who does the bare minimum then this thread wasn't created to complain about you. You can either back me up or move along.
I'm not going to go into too much detail about my personal life but I have kids. I enjoy being a mom, it's the best thing I have done and I don't regret my decision. I have always respected childfree people and their decision but I never understood why they felt that way, I just thought that they had no instinct to have kids and that might be the case for some of them, however I'm really starting to understand an even bigger elephant in the room and I would guess that a lot of it has to do with the state of men and the fact that women are increasingly walking away from relationships because they no longer want to be a maid, hooker, nanny and servant. Women want equality and equity and they aren't getting it. Women work more hours on average than men if you include family responsibilities and domestic tasks and not just paid employment. Women are also still being paid less. We haven't reached the degree of equity needed so that women can have multiple children and further her career. Women already have to work harder than men to achieve the same goals. Women still have to face systematic misogyny and becoming a mother inevitably increases the misogyny women are subjected to in the form of idealized motherhood. Women are held to higher moral standards than men and men get away with lackluster parenting because people expect them to be incompetent. If a man 'babysits' the child for a few hours over the weekend everyone pats him on the back. Men just have to do the bare minimum and they get a trophy. For the first time in history women finally have choices and more and more of them are opting out when it comes to having anything to do with men.
The statistics surrounding men paint a frightening picture. I will provide links here
Women Work Harder And More Intensively Than Men: Study
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.ndtv.com/feature/women-work-harder-and-more-intensively-than-men-study-3679003/amp/1
Women are being bogged down with tasks that men don't want to do at work
https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2018/10/women-are-more-productive-than-men-at-work-these-days/
It's official: women work nearly an hour longer than men every day
https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2017/06/its-official-women-work-nearly-an-hour-longer-than-men-every-day/
research shows men often need a little more help than their partners when considering issues of influence, respect, and power
https://www.gottman.com/blog/manage-conflict-accepting-influence/#:~:text=Gottman%20suggests%20actively%20looking%20for,That's%20the%20secret.
The prevalence and seriousness of incestuous abuse: Stepfathers vs. biological fathers
According to this study a whopping 1 in 6 stepfathers are nonces and 1 in 40 women are sexually abused by their biological fathers. To make things even more shocking these numbers are underestimated, since the study only highlights women, it doesn't cover men who were sexually abused as boys by their male parental figure. Considering the fact that 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused by the age of 16 and some of those abusers are male parental figures, the numbers are even higher than this study suggests.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/0145213484900450
https://1in6.org/statistic/
A third of male university students say they would rape a woman if there no were no consequences
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/a-third-of-male-university-students-say-they-would-rape-a-woman-if-there-no-were-no-consequences-9978052.html
Survey suggests 1 in 10 men admit that it's OK to hit a woman
https://www.ctvnews.ca/mobile/survey-suggests-1-in-10-men-think-it-s-ok-to-hit-a-woman-1.781324?referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F
Victims of sexual violence, statistics
On average, there are 463,634 victims (age 12 or older) of rape and sexual assault each year in the United States alone
https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence
Violence against women and girls – what the data tells us
https://liveprod.worldbank.org/en/data-stories/overview-of-gender-based-violence
Domestic violence perpetrators - women vs men
women’s violence usually occurs in the context of violence against them by their male partners; (b) in general, women and men perpetrate equivalent levels of physical and psychological aggression, but evidence suggests that men perpetrate sexual abuse, coercive control, and stalking more frequently than women and that women also are much more frequently injured during domestic violence incidents; (c) women and men are equally likely to initiate physical violence in relationships involving less serious “situational couple violence,” and in relationships in which serious and very violent “intimate terrorism” occurs, men are much more likely to be perpetrators and women victims; (d) women’s physical violence is more likely than men’s violence to be motivated by self-defense and fear, whereas men’s physical violence is more likely than women’s to be driven by control motives; (e) studies of couples in mutually violent relationships find more negative effects for women than for men
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2968709/
When you look at men as a whole group an unfortunate number of them do not make suitable husbands and fathers.
You can't blame women for 'picking wrong' when the statistics are this terrible. Now women have had the choice, they have had enough of men.
So what do you even suggest? Get all the 'good' men with emotional intelligence, kindness and integrity and allow them to take multiple wives? Make it easier for women to exist as single mothers? Because men as a group are failing women and children and enforced monogamy means that a high proportion of women and children will suffer abuse.
Because at this point, if I were a single woman, I would rather SHARE a husband that was a decent person or be single as opposed to having a pool of potential predators and abusers to choose from. That's how bad men are.

advice pregnancy
I’m not quite sure how to start this, but the main goal of this post is to hopefully gain some advice on how to be as much as a help to my mother (39F) as possible, through her third trimester and past postpartum.
For some context, this baby will be my mother’s fourth child, however, he’s her first child with her current boyfriend (35?M). The rest of us have the same father who she was married to for around 18 years, until a few years ago. She has been with her current partner for two years. (Their anniversary was recently)
My father was quite abusive and my mom was left to do most things regarding us children alone, as a very young woman.
I do not want this pregnancy to be anything like that. However, I’m not sure that her current partner is completely ready for this father role. Which is fair, considering this is his first child and this was an accidental pregnancy.
He has yet to move in with us, which I am sure my mother is concerned about, because he has had since December to do so and it is now late May. He is a slow person in general and takes his time, but my mother has expressed to him many times that she would like for him to be moved in as soon as possible. He lives with his mom and brother as a caregiver figure of sorts for his mother (To give him so grace… but it’s barely that). However, we live extremely close and it would be very easy for him to get to her.
This next piece of context is extremely important!! I have a brother (13) who is special needs. He has a chromosome disorder so rare he’s the only person on earth with it. It’s quite hard to explain, but he needs 24/7 supervision. And he’s not easy to manage. Thankfully, he has a caregiver that helps some days of the week. But on the days he doesn’t, he is a lot for my mother to handle. I help the best I can, but I often feel like I can’t do enough to be a good help after her baby is born.
I am constantly researching things about pregnancy, birth, postpartum, babies, and more. I think instagram thinks i’m expecting at this point. But I’m not, and I’ve never been. I don’t know how to help in ways that are worthwhile. What can I do to truly make my mom as happy as possible? And to make this her best pregnancy experience yet?
I clean and make her breakfast (sometimes on breakfast… i tried to make her a snack yesterday and ended up just wasting food, and it’s things like that that make me wonder if I’m making things worse by trying to help. Maybe i’d just be getting in the way) but for some reason i feel like nothing is enough.
I know there’s only so much I can do. But sometimes i wish I could take the baby and raise him as my own away from her, so she could finally spend part of her just for herself, not taking care of others.
Also, I don’t have my drivers license, and don’t plan on getting it because the drivers where I live are very bad. We got in a car accident last month, and I’ve felt shaken up in the car ever since. I bring that up because it means i can’t go get stuff for her postpartum, unless I use my electric bike. I would like to be able to help in that way, though.
I just graduated high school, so I’ve been getting lots of money. I’ve been trying to either save it or spend it on the baby and my mom. I also have an internship for June that will make me over 1 or 2,000 dollars I can’t remember. I wanted to give it all to her. Maybe pay part of the hospital bill? I know those are really bad.
She’s also been stressed about money, I think. For some reason, her managers won’t give her shifts. Her partner works at the same place, but since he lives with his mom, he isn’t working and is focusing on pharmacy school stuff. Maybe i’m projecting my own feelings, (Because from time to time i resent them for getting pregnant) but i can imagine she’s upset he isn’t thinking ahead to all the things this baby will need.. all the expenses… etc.
Anyway, that was a lot of rambling, sorry. If anyone has advice for me on how to helpful without getting in the way, please let me know. I need it very much, and it’s eternally appreciated. Even if you just list off things people would’ve helped you with when you were pregnant and postpartum.
She doesn’t like me helping because i’m a (her) kid, but it feels like my duty as the eldest. I might update this if i remember more things but for now :) thank you

My name is Jessica, and I live in a small central American city of about 80,000 people.Today I'm going to share a story about Korea.First, I'd like to tell you a little bit about my family.When I was born, I already had an older brother.I don't mean just a little sister with an older brother.My brother was adopted from Korea.It's an unusual situation, isn't it? My parents struggled with infertility for several years before I was born, and they ended up adopting my Korean brother.Then, a few years later, they got pregnant with me, and I was born.My brother had different hair color, skin color, and eye color than me, but we got along very well.Even though we knew from a young age that we were adopted because of our differences, we got along well, and we were a family that loved each other deeply.
We played the same games, read books together, and spent a lot of time together. He always took good care of me, and he was a good brother who made me laugh.
I would say, “Brother, let's read this book together!” and he would always smile and read it to me. I think I liked and enjoyed his warmth to me, rather than focusing on the content of the book.
When we left our cozy home environment, it was time to go to school, and during this time, my brother and I were asked a lot of embarrassing questions.One day, while my brother and I were playing together, a friend asked me, “Jessica, why does your brother look different from you?”The question gave me pause, but he smiled and replied, “Because we are a family, looks don't matter. His positive attitude had a good effect on me, and I'm sure he had a good effect on himself, too.Watching him grow up right, and our family became interested in Korea. If he was a troublemaker and always in trouble, he wouldn't have had the time to take the time to learn about his country of origin, Korea, but when he studied well, didn't fight with his friends, and was a good person who always loved and cared for his brother, we couldn't help but wonder about his roots.
I think my parents also had the will to share Korean culture with my brother and me, to learn what they could, to broaden our horizons and deepen our family's understanding.Many years ago, when I was in middle school, my family visited Korea for the first time, and the experience left a great impression on me.
We visited many tourist spots in Seoul and saw the harmonious combination of Korean tradition and modernity.And Korea, with its many dark-haired, dark-eyed people like my brother, was somehow not foreign to me.For Americans traveling to Asia for the first time, this could have been difficult because people look different and give off different vibes, but not for me. My parents, of course, were very excited to revisit Korea, the country of my brother's birth, and spoke so many blessings about the land of my brother's birth.Of course, there were many good things to see and many fun things to do in Korea, but the most memorable moment was when I suddenly developed a high fever.
It was a quiet night in Korea at the time, and I suddenly developed a high fever.This change was so sudden that my parents panicked.Eventually, with the help of the hotel we were staying at, they were able to get me to the emergency room in Korea, where I was quickly treated.Upon arrival, the medical staff quickly assessed my condition and ran the necessary tests.The whole process was organized, and thanks to the professionalism and quick response of the medical staff, I was able to get comfortable quickly. My situation was so serious that my head hurt like a rock and I could barely understand what was being said around me, but thanks to their quick response, my fever started to come down and I was able to return to my senses.The tests showed that I had a severe flu, which had been contracted in the United States and had incubated in Korea.I had to stop traveling in Korea and be admitted to the hospital for treatment, but thanks to the fast and efficient healthcare system in Korea, this was not a problem.
My parents breathed a sigh of relief and expressed their deep gratitude to the Korean healthcare system.“If it wasn't for Korea, I would have been in trouble,” my father said.Although my family had to stop our trip to Korea and spend the rest of my stay in a Korean hospital, looking back, it was also a unique experience abroad.
Many years later, as an adult, my relationship with my brother was still good. We enjoyed Korean dramas, movies, and music together, cooked Korean food together, and learned Korean together.
However, there was a clear difference between me and him: he seemed to be better at learning, even if he spent the same amount of time studying, and he went to a prestigious university, while I failed to get into college and became depressed.
He helped me with my studies every vacation, taught me how to study, and helped me to get into a prestigious university, but the results were not good. I was rejected by all the universities I applied to, and I was going through a very difficult time. After he graduated from college, he moved back home from the East Coast of the United States and helped me study for the college entrance exam, and with his help, I was able to get into college, albeit late.
Although I didn't get into a prestigious university like my brother, I still had a satisfying college experience and broadened my horizons.Naturally, I discovered that Korea has been on the global radar lately, which was very exciting.Korea may be the latest trend for Americans these days, but for me and my brother, it's like going back to our roots.I've always loved Korea, and it was very interesting and fond to reminisce about my trip to Korea when I was in middle school and look through my photo albums, even though half the time I was sick. So, my brother and I decided to visit Korea again, and this time, we had several goals for the trip: we wanted to make sure that we got it right this time, because we didn't get it right the first time, and my brother wanted to get to know his Korean roots better, even though he is now an adult, working as an American and living as an American, and I wanted to get to know my Korean roots better in relation to my major in college, and this time, I wanted to research more about the Korean healthcare system that I had experienced as a child.
Of course, I also wanted to have fun in Korea and enjoy the freedom to roam around the country unlike when I was a student, but I didn't take it too seriously.
Korea was so different from the U.S. It had the look of a big city in the U.S., but it had its own unique vibe. It was much more developed than the neighborhoods we live in in the U.S., and everywhere you looked was filled with people, and there were hundreds or thousands of stores selling a variety of things. If you were walking around and traveling, and you got thirsty and needed a break, there were cafes all around you that you could just pop into and take a break, and you didn't have to go far to find a restaurant that had one Korean food and sold it, because all the infrastructure was there.
Everything is around you, and everything you want or need is always right around the corner, which is why people call city life so convenient and love it.The public transportation system in Korea, which is light years better than the big cities in the U.S., helped us get around without any difficulty.It was also so much fun to get a T-money card, carry it around, and use it to get around Korea for a very low cost.
And when my brother and I would walk around, going to cafes, restaurants, and other places where there was something to do, many Koreans would tell us that we made a good looking couple.When I would tell them, in a pleasant and complimentary way, that we were actually brother and sister, they would look surprised and apologize.
But it's completely understandable, because even in the U.S., more people think of us as a couple or friends than they do as siblings, and there's not much of an adoption culture in Korea, and no one adopts and brings European or American children to Korea, so it's no wonder we get these funny misunderstandings.
To be honest, even in the U.S. nowadays, you can still encounter people who ask my brother and I questions about our relationship with unpleasant intentions to hurt us, assuming that we are not a couple or friends, but maybe even a man.A recent memory is of an American grandfather in his 70s who made a very rude remark to us, asking us what kind of father our father was to have two women give birth at the same time.
In the U.S., most people are friendly and kind to me, but the problem is that some people sometimes make fun of my brother because he looks Asian, but this was not the case in Korea at all.No one discriminated against me because of my different appearance.
And there's actually a story I wasn't going to tell in this article, but I'm writing it down because I had my brother's permission to do so.After arriving in Korea, we decided to search for my adopted brother's birth parents in order to trace his roots.My parents and I respected his decision to pursue this endeavor in Korea, and of course, we decided to support it. We visited the Korean adoption agency and requested my brother's adoption records.The representative provided us with all the information possible and was eager to help us, saying that efforts to find one's roots are ongoing every day.Together, we were able to find some important clues in the records.
My brother decided to visit his birthplace based on those clues, and of course, I joined him on the journey.We were always laughing since we came to Korea, but at this moment, there was more seriousness than laughter.We visited my brother's birthplace together and talked to the local people.
At the time, there was only a vague record of my brother's father and mother, but no proper records, so we only knew where he was born, and we had to go there and find someone who had lived there for a long time.But Korea is a very fast-developing country, and the sad thing is that the area where my brother was born and spent the first few months of his life was already torn down and replaced by a huge apartment complex. We felt that if we had come sooner, at least before these new apartments were built, things would have been at least better than they were, but there was no point in regretting what had passed.We visited the social welfare center and police station in the area, explained our situation, and asked for help.The Korean people were very kind, listening to my brother's story and letting us know what we could do.
We were told that when a new apartment building is built in Korea, new people who have no connection to the area move into the apartment, but that some of the people who live in these new apartments have been living here for a long time, most likely elderly people, and that the best thing to do is to find them and ask them about their past.We felt that this information would be very useful to us, as we were very confused and frustrated.
So my brother and I, along with a Korean lady who felt sorry for us and wanted to help, approached the elderly people who came in and out of the apartment and asked them questions.But despite all our efforts, we were unsuccessful in finding my brother's biological parents.We had many clues and information, but we were unable to find any conclusive evidence.My brother was disappointed, but we were comforted by the fact that we had done our best. Maybe if we could have spent a few weeks, maybe even a few months here to find and talk to an elderly person with memories of the past, we could have found a clue to the solution, but we couldn't stay in Korea, so in the end, we had to give up without proceeding any further.When I saw the look on my brother's face as he said that if he had the chance, he would visit Korea next time for this sole purpose, I felt a great sense of disappointment.“It's a shame that we couldn't find them, but thank you for trying,” he said to me.I couldn't say it anymore.
It would have been great if he could have completed his homework, but he didn't.Contrary to my initial expectations, the Korean adoption agency tried to be as helpful as possible, and I was very grateful to the government officials in the place of my brother's supposed birth, who were very sympathetic to his situation and actively tried to help him, and to the Korean lady who passed by.
Having been treated by the Korean healthcare system in the past, I took this level of care for granted and thought that it was something that everyone could enjoy, but then, when I was a high school student in the U.S., I was seriously ill and did not receive the same care as I did in Korea, so I remember suffering terribly and tried to understand why this difference occurred.
Before I came to Korea, I had already arranged to meet with someone, and although I didn't get to visit any specialized institutions, I was able to meet with Korean college students, and I learned a lot of information from them: medical students, pharmacy students, and I was able to get a lot of information from them.
The Korean healthcare system was different from the U.S. in many ways: it was fast, efficient, and provided a high level of care at a relatively low cost.The quick response and organized system for emergencies was especially impressive.The emergency rooms in Korea were very reasonably priced, allowing people to go to them for minor and mild symptoms.At this point, I thought that if there were a lot of people going to the emergency room for minor symptoms, it would be a problem if someone came in who needed emergency care, but the hospitals in Korea made it very easy to answer that question. I also learned that when a really urgent patient comes in, the emergency room prioritizes the emergency patients and treats them first, ignoring the minor ones. It's so simple and obvious: the doctors have the skills to determine the severity of the patient's condition, and they can prioritize the treatment accordingly.
Not only that, but it was very easy to get an appointment in Korea and the wait time was short. The Korean medical staff emphasized patient care and prompt treatment, and they utilized the latest medical technology and equipment to provide the best possible medical care.
In the U.S., medical care is often very expensive, complicated, and difficult to access quickly, and many people are unable to get proper treatment due to insurance issues.I also received prompt treatment in Korea when I was in middle school without insurance and had to pay a reasonable price, but the experience was a nightmare as I remember being very sick in middle school and high school, and I felt that the Korean system was far superior.I felt that the Korean healthcare system is not for profit, but is dedicated to protecting the health of the people.
Through my experiences in Korea, I learned about a much broader world than what my brother and I knew before.There are many factors that make Korea such a great country, but the culture and system that my brother and I experienced firsthand helped us understand why.And most of all, Korea is the country that made my brother.I have grateful feelings for Korea, which is also my brother's roots.
My brother and I could tell without speaking to each other that through this visit, we saw in each other a willingness to continue to love Korea more and more, and to strive to learn and understand Korean culture.
Korea is now a country that has special meaning to me as an adult, and I think it will be a great pleasure for me to honor my brother's roots and watch Korea develop and grow.I will continue to connect with Korea and try to help more people discover its charms.
And next year, he plans to visit Korea to find his roots once again. He plans to stay in Korea for more than a month, and he will continue his best efforts during that period.

We’re actually in the beginning stages of divorce. we’re 4.5 years in and I was completely expecting to spend the rest of my life with her. However, things happen, people change, and a mother of 2 youngn’s now feels that she’s been “jipped of her 20’s.” Long story short, we’re divorcing because I can’t handle the things she needs/wants to do post kids, marriage, and the fact that she still has a need to follow the guy she was cheating on me (messages/pictures) with for 5 months because that way she doesn’t “have to wonder how he’s doing.” He was a fling from her past that she considers her first taste of real love. Additionally, after talks, therapy, and all the other stuff you try to do to move past it, we’ve talked about divorce 3 times, and she runs to another guy whenever we do. Now we’re actually doing it, just working out a few details before filing.
There’s multiple things that come to mind as to why I hate her sometimes; the effort I was putting in while she was struggling postpartum, the support, basically the checklist of what 99% of women want in a husband and father to their kids… just for her to leap at the opportunity when he reached out to her. Right now, the thing that’s making me hate her is that we talked about and agreed on my vasectomy during our late-honeymoon trip. I wanted more kids but she was struggling mentally, so I decided to get it done to support her. Turns out that during the discussion and when I got the procedure done is when she was having her affair. So yeah, I’m salty.
TL/DR: I hate my soon-to-be ex wife right now because I got my vasectomy done to try and support her mentally postpartum, all while she was having an emotional affair with a guy from her past.

I (M21) and ex-girlfriend (F21) I’ll call her Kate, have had an on/off relationship for 6 years. We met/reconnected in June of 2018 after having previously gone to elementary and middle school together until her mother pulled her from school.
Kate reached out to me during the summer between our freshman and sophomore year and we instantly hit it off. I ended up asking Kate to be my girlfriend in August of 2018 and we dated until March of 2019, we split for reasons I honestly don’t remember, we were 15/16 so it was likely something trivial. We both dated other people during summer 2019 and got back together in September 2019 after realizing the people we were with were essentially distractions that suppressed our feelings for each other.
After that, we dated from September 2019 until April of 2021. In October of 2020 Kate began receiving text messages from a bi-curious woman who had supposedly saw her at a party and asked her to indulge in her fantasies and would text Kate throughout the night, writing paragraphs about the things she wanted to do to her. It was revealed that this bi-curious women was actually her brother in-law and after a 2 week therapy course in Tennessee for his “sex addiction” Kate’s family allowed him back into the family and dismissed Kate’s feelings towards her predator, going as far as inviting him to family party’s and intentionally not inviting her as to not cause any drama. So to say Kate’s relationship with her family is on the rocks is an understatement. 2021 was my senior year and I had a choice to make, initially Kate had told me she wasn’t going to have a long distance relationship with me if I went to college, this weighed heavy on me and I decided I didn’t want my future to be dictated by her so I broke up with her. Shortly after we broke up Kate was unfortunately raped by her stepsisters boyfriends step brother and upon hearing this my entire world shattered. I reevaluated everything, including my priorities and decided I’d rather be with her than go to school. We got back together in June 2021 and dated again until February 2023.
In February 2023 Kate told me she didn’t know if I was a need or a want, and wanted time apart to understand if I was just comfort and security for her or if it was true love. We had a heart wrenching break up where Kate assured me we would be together in spirit. Four weeks later during spring break Kate was fucking a friend of hers that moved to Tennessee that was a few years older than us that she had met during her time being homeschooled and swore up and down he was a brother to her and whenever he was in town we would all hang out. They dated (long distance) from March 2023 until May 2023. Kate has since confessed her deep regret for doing this, and I do believe her. I missed Kate dearly so we got back together in June 2023 and dated until May 2024.
Shortly after Kate and I got back together in June 2023 she wanted to move out of her parents house and get away from the toxicity because it was affecting her mental health. Kate told me if I didn’t want to move out with her that was fine and she would find someone else to live with but I could already sense the resentment and I wanted to remove her from her situation at home so in true White Knight fashion, I suppressed my concerns of moving out and we started looking for apartments. We put the deposit down on a brand new 550 sqft unit in November and just had to wait until January for it to be built. Just before new year we found a single wide trailer for sale in a local park that was priced to sell and needed work. We ended up backing out of our apartment deposit and bought the single wide trailer for 10k cash split 50/50.
From January until May I worked on the trailer everyday after work. Completely renovated the kitchen down to studs, bathroom down to the studs, replaced a window and redid plumbing, got a new water heater and carpet in the living room, re-leveled the hallway and laid new flooring down the hall and replaced the washer and dryer area due to water damage and electrical concerns. Repainted every room, new baseboards, and bought new appliances for the kitchen (except the fridge). I’m a handy person and did most of these things myself and only subbed out the water heater and carpet install. I was pretty burnt out and what should’ve been exciting for us I slowly began to resent.
Kate and my mom/sisters weren’t on talking terms during this either due to “the dress incident” which really peeved me. My sisters are seniors this year and had to go prom dress shopping, my mom and sisters had overlapping schedules and ultimately the only day they could go get dresses was a day that Kate was unable to attend. This hurt Kate’s feelings so much she decided she wasn’t going to talk to them until they apologized for leaving her out. My mom and sisters never reached out because they didn’t even know Kate was upset and when they did find out she was upset they didn’t feel like they owed her an apology and that it was just unfortunate circumstances. I tried explaining to Kate that it did suck they went without her and I was sorry she was upset but ultimately there wasn’t anything that could be done and they didn’t intentionally hurt her so maybe she should just drop it. Kate went from regularly being at my house to never coming over and my family took notice. Eventually Kate did make peace with my mom and one of my sisters, but not both. My other sister lashed out at Kate and accused her of being manipulative and childish, my sister for whatever reason decided to compare their traumas as well (which is completely uncalled for) and voiced no desire to have a relationship with Kate. Kate took this as you would expect and distanced herself from my sister and my house. I was livid with my sister for lashing out and I wanted them to work things out and encouraged both of them to talk to each other to work things out but they are both very prideful and both were willing to die on their hill.
I’m very family oriented and the stress of Kate not having a solid relationship with my family was extremely taxing to me both mentally and emotionally and this was on top of renovating the trailer and my suppressed feelings towards moving out. I totally checked out and eventually broke up with Kate. Now I’m wondering if I made the right choice or if I’m going to regret leaving my best friend and love of my life because I am just emotionally exhausted from the arguments and not totally being ready to move out. Kate has said she is willing to do couples therapy and I can live at home and she loves me deeply but I just don’t know anymore, the whole situation is the culmination of so many factors it’s hard to pinpoint why I want to leave, I just do but a part of me wants to keep fighting.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Total_Cap_8129. She posted in AmItheAsshole
I added paragraph breaks for readability.

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. Latest update is 7 days old per the rules of this sub.

Mood Spoiler: sad but with good boundaries
Original Post: May 21, 2024
This is my first reddit post, throwaway. Also Englisch is not my first language.
My (53F) mother passed away 10 years ago and I inherited a few select items of jewellery from her. Those are things she cherished and wore often. I have been wearing her watch for the past 10 years, my sister (50F) holds a golden bracelet that she loves and there are three items left that me and my sister have been planning to give to my three daughters (20/18/18) to commemorate 10 years since her passing. They always knew this and were close to their gradma. There is also no quarrel about who gets what.
Enter my brother (48m) and his fiancée (38f) of two years. My brother is demanding one of the pieces for his future wife to wear. He claims we never involved him in any discussion as to what should happen to the pieces and we can’t just claim those to ourselves just because we are women. He says it’s very common for heirloom jewellery to be given to the daughter-in-law and he and his fiancée even cited Meghan Marke and Kate Middleton as examples.
Legally there is no case to be made, my mother left those items to me. I have politly declined their request explaining that I can’t let one of my daughters go without and that they were very close to their grandma while his fiancée did not know her. His fiancée is apparently distraught and claims we don’t see her as family. My father wants me to keep the items and give one to my brother so that all of my mom’s kids eventually get one item and I can do as I see fit with the rest. My sister kindly has offered up her bracelet.
I am torn. I don’t t want to antoganoize my brother and my sister-in law but I find my three daughters’ claim so much more valid. They have been looking forward to this for years. And I don’t want my sister to sacrifice her bracelet. If there were more pieces I would not hesitate to give something to her. It’s not a matter of money. I have offered other things out of my mom’s estate, they feel it’s not the same.
I am also taking into account that my brother was married to his first wife 10 years ago and despite having been close to my mother she got no jewellery either but was left two of my mothers’s watercolor drawings. I feel like my mother left those pieces to me with the intention of eventually passing them on to her granddaughters. Would she have subscribed to the „each child or each daughter plus daughter-in-law has to get a piece of jewellery“ logic she would have left something to my brother or his then-wife in the first place.
My daughters told me the would accept any decision I make but I feel it would be highly unfair to burden them with any involvement in the decision making. The choice is mine to make and I have to live with the consequences. According to my father they are debating to uninvite me from the wedding over this. I stand by my decision but It’s hard.. I was always on good terms with my brother and cordial with his fiancée.. so AITA?
Relevant Comments (OOP had over 100, so this is very narrowed down):
Commenter: OP, she doesn't want to feel closer to her new family, she wants to know that she can push your brother to get her what she wants, even at the expense of his relationship with all of you. It's a game she is playing now, before they get married, so she knows exactly how far she can push you all and what she can get her greedy hands on with a temper tantrum and some threats to exclude you all.
Tell your brother the legacy he received is two watercolor paintings his ex wife has, and he's welcome to chase her down for that if he feels so strongly about it. But your jewelry was a gift your grandmother gave to you, and it is staying with you until you give it to your daughters.
Friend, if you cave to your brother and SIL on this, you'll be handing shit over as long as their marriage lasts. NTA.

OOP: Wow.. thanks for the clarity and direct words. I am starting to feel I was in denial about how bad this really is.
It’s worth mentioning that my brother obviously received his own inheritance as well.
(to another commenter): Also he got a sizable inheritance back then and his wife got two original artworks.. those jewelry pieces are worth approximately $1000 each while my mother’s original artworks are valued $1000-$3000 (she was an illustrator) so the issue is really not me sitting on a $50,000 diamond ring while they received two worthless sketches.

Commenter: Your dad presumably still had items from his wife? He can give one of his treasures to her. You and your sister and your three daughters got one item each. Not up for renegotiation.

OOP: We already offered but she claims it must be jewelry so she can wear it on her wedding day.

Commenter: Since the brother and fiancee seem to want to make the decision, ask them which granddaughter they feel deserves to be deprived of her grandmother's memento, AND how they intend to compensate said daughter for her exclusion from grandmotherly keepsakes. Tell them you cannot in good conscience hand anything over to the fiancee unless they can give a reasonable answer to these questions.

OOP: My husband actually asked them that and their answer was they believe that the twins should share.. which is obviously not going to happen as long as I am here to prevent it.

Commenter: How does the SIL even know about the jewelry?

OOP: I planned to give it to my girls at a family dinner commemorating our mother’s birthday next month and gave everyone a heads up. That’s how she got to know.

Commenter: You have 3 daughters. Your mother left you 3 items. It's pretty self-explanatory. Your mother didn't have to spell it it out for you. She just left them with you for safekeeping. If that wasn't her intention, she would have given them to your dad. Plus your daughters had a personal relationship with your mom (THEIR grandmother).
You got the watch. Your sis got the bracelet. Your daughters get the other 3.

OOP: Thanks.. I feel exactly the same way. I can’t for the life of me see where my brother claims we should have involved him in any discussion concerning who gets what because in my view it’s absolutely clear who gets what. And since she left those things to me, it’s up to me to make the decision. She could’ve left them to anybody else, but she didn’t. What else am I going to do with three pieces when I have three daughters?

Commenter: Tell your brother to stick it. These are for your daughters / her bloodline. This is so entitled and ridiculous.

OOP: I actually don’t care so much about the bloodline thing. If my father were to die tomorrow and each of this children would get some beloved sentimental items I would be really pissed if my husband who is very close to him would not get anything. Plus, I really understand why she wants to have something to feel more connected to her new family, especially since she is estranged to her parents and won’t get anything from them to wear on her wedding day. The problem lies solely in the fact that I don’t have anything to give her without hurting other people. I will not prioritise her feelings above my daughters.

Commenter: Bet you the reason she is estranged from her parents is an eye opener if you ever find it out. Whatever she told you it was is BS.

OOP: I don’t know the reason, but I will admit the thought has crossed my mind. The fact that she is willing to blatantly ignore her nieces’ feelings and that wearing a piece of heirloom jewellery on her wedding day is more important to her than the girls’ connection to their beloved grandmother is a bit concerning to me.

Commenter: If she's trying to feel closer to your family, is there any jewelry that is yours or your sister's that could be given or loaned to her for her wedding day that isn't inherited from your mother?
Your sister and your daughters who actually knew and loved your mother should, of course, take precedence over someone who has only heard about her! NTA and your brother is being absurdly pushy.

OOP: We have now decided to pitch in together to buy something new for her to wear on her wedding day and have as a gift from the family. I hope she will accept this. I could also give her something from me as a loan but I feel buying something specifically for her would probably be better. It’s not that I feel she shouldn’t have anything and I would honestly offer to give her a piece if I had any spare pieces to give.

Commenter: NTA. Your brother is marrying a psycho. She’s never met your mother but is distraught that she can’t wear her dead MIL’s jewelry. You are correct, your mom left the jewelry to you and, as you stated, your mom didn’t even leave your brother’s wife (his ex) jewelry when she passed. Your brother and his fiancée are acting crazy entitled and you need to tell them no and that if they bring it up again you’ll have to excuse yourself from their presence. They are trying to bully you out of your daughters’ heirloom jewelry, their birthrites.

OOP: I can actually see why she would like to have something, we were all very close with mom and keep her memory alive and it’s tricky to enter into such a dynamic years later. I would give her something especially to wear on her wedding day (she is estranged from her parents) if I had anything to give but I can’t take away from my daughters to help her feel better.

Commenter: NTA - the items were left to you. No matter what happens in the future, your daughter's will be your daughter's. The same can't be said for your brothers fiance. That relationship could end, and then the jewelry wouldn't be part of the family anymore. If they were married when your mother passed, maybe I'd consider it, but they haven't tied the knot, so don't give her anything.

OOP: This has been brought up a lot but I feel I can’t in good conscience bring up the fact that their marriage might fail as an argument.

Commenter: NTA if your mom specifically left them to you. Y W B T A if you and your sister decided between yourselves to take all of the nice jewelry without giving any to brother. What about if/when he has daughters?

OOP: He was childless back than with no intention of starting a family and his first wife got an inheritance of her own and so did he. He was completely fine with us deciding what to do with the jewelry as neither him nor his ex wife were interested. The issue only came up with his fiancée recently. Had he voiced his objections ten years ago I would not have spent the last ten years preparing my daughters and the situation would be different. Also legally all items belong to me and I am under no obligation to share or discuss with anyone. I discussed with my sister because it seemed fitting.. again.. he was not interested.

Ask the first wife for paintings?
Asking first wife for her paintings might be an even harder no than the jewelry question honestly.. she received those paintings because she loved our mother and her art and she was a family member in her own right after replacing my mother as my disabled father’s full-time caretaker after my mother fell ill. I am not close to her anymore but I respect her and my mother‘s wishes enough to not hunt her down after seven years for what is legally and rightfully hers.
Update (Same Post): May 22, 2024 (Next Day)
Thank you all for your kind messages and advice, I would never have expected to get so valuable support and inside from strangers on the Internet. Thank you really from the bottom of my heart!
We came together with my brother and his fiancée after I had many of your replies to my husband and my sister. I stated clearly that I will support her in any way possible and that it’s very important for me to welcome home to the family properly but the jewelry is off the table because I believe I am fulfilling my mother’s wishes and I cannot hurt my daughters. I added that I believe that this is not the right way to join a family and that we should strive to resolve this conflict before it creates more tension between my daughters and their uncle and future aunt and also amongst us siblings.
At first, I thought my brother really saw my point and he seemed happy that we offered to pitch together to buy something for his fiancée. Unfortunately she is not willing to accept this. as some of you pointed out, she seems to believe that she ranks right beside my sister and me when it comes to our late mother and supersedes my daughters.. well.
She talked about her rightful place in the family and how she went no contact with her family because they denied her the respect that she deserves and that she will not hesitate to do the same with us. She also talked a lot about the pain of not being able to have any heirloom jewelry for her wedding. And honestly, I believe only a few days ago I would’ve given in presented with her tears but thanks to your kind words I was able to see through her emotional manipulation and really now that I am aware of what she’s doing it is so obvious..
I must say my brother looked very uncomfortable. She then stated that it would be a waste to give the pieces to my daughters since they would just sell them for the money to buy make-up wich is absurd. I ended the conversation at this point stating that I hold firm to my boundary and that they are free to do whatever they feel is the right thing for them.
I am heartbroken and I hope my brother will change his mind. So.. no happy ending but thanks again.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Thats great youve seen her for what shes really doing! Good luck to your brother because the fiancé sure sounds like a peach! Well done for looking out for your baby girls (I know they’re 18 but they’ll always be your babies!)!

OOP: They are capable and wise but they should not bear the consequences of the quarrels of others that they have no part in. And although I am heartbroken by all of this I can firmly feel my mother’s support in this as she put me in charge to protect what belongs to her granddaughters and daughters. Thank you for your support!

In response to a longer comment:

Thanks again.. I appreciate your encouragement. I hope their next move will be one of love and understanding but it’s hard to tell what they will do. While I don’t believe they are considering to physically steal the pieces from me, I have now given the two pieces meant for the younger girls to my mother-in-law for safekeeping at her house until the dust settles. She is obviously livid at the treatment of her granddaughters. The girls felt a lot of pressure from their uncle which is so heartbreaking.. my eldest on the other hand calls her future aunt a grifter and says she will not accept any change of plan to accommodate her so she will receive her piece as planned. She has also been looking forward to wearing it for a long time. I have no words really at this point.. hoping for the best.

​

Idk about you guys but I've always loved how a shower felt after a bunch of work. Something special about it. Anyway thanks for reading! :)
They were both offered showers by town citizens happy to open their homes. Gareth found showers immensely awkward but didn’t need to worry as a few townsfolk drew him a bath. With some extra help from Deag, who had taken a short trip to the ship, he treated the water and was finally able to eat something. It was no traditional Weilan spa, but it was… close enough. If he was being entirely honest, he was just glad to finally be able to eat something. He may have fibbed to Pen when they talked about food. He wasn’t near starving quite yet and even though being carried had allowed him to conserve a lot of energy, it wouldn’t have helped much longer.
He looked down at his poor shell. Its color greatly diminished from the lack of food and immense stress of the whole ordeal. He could feel the buildup of toxins in his system before and it was wonderful to feel them washing out. He sighed and slumped down under the water. Again, he inspected his shell. Wilting and greying all over his eyes wandered to the crack made by Pen when she pulled him out of the way of the turret. Probably another two months to heal but it was coming along. She must have remembered it too when they were falling. She was gentler. It honestly surprised him that he managed to survive that fall without any major injury.
Gareth let his thoughts drift aimlessly as he soaked under the water. After a few minutes, though, he heard a thump from outside the tub. He rose up from the water and peeked over the lip of the tub. A small human child stared back from the washroom door. Small by human standards that is. He was shorter than Gareth but only by a few inches. If Ton’et’s human biology lessons were serving him well the boy wouldn’t remain much smaller than him for more than a year or so. He should be quickly entering a time of quick growth that humans experience periodically in their formative years.
“Mmmhmmmb” the boy mumbled, still hiding most of himself behind the door.
“What was that?” Gareth asked.
The boy shirked slightly but found his voice after a moment.
“You… You’re weird looking.”
Gareth chuckled.
“You’re the weird looking one.”
The boy's brow furrowed, easier to read than Pen by far. The child wore his emotions on his face.
“Nuh uh…”
“Yuh huh.” Gareth mimicked the child.
“No, you don’t look like anyone else here.”
“Well, I’m not from here, am I? I’m from a place where everyone looks like me and nobody looks like you.”
This seemed to puzzle the boy.
“How many people?”
Gareth tilted his head. An odd question.
“Lots? Trillions.”
“Is that more than here?”
It dawned on him the math the boy was doing.
“Definitely.”
“Darn…”
The boy lightly tapped the doorframe with his foot.
“You could go see them.” Gareth offered.
“Really?” A shine came to his eyes.
“Oh definitely, there's a ton to see. More places out there than trees in that forest outside.”
The boy didn’t understand trillions but that comparison made sense to him.
“Waoooaahhh,” a frown came to his face quickly, “but I like it here though. I have friends here.”
“So when you miss them, just come on back. No reason you cant enjoy both right?”
Gareth's words were a joyous revelation to the boy.
“I’d love that I think…”
“I think you would to.” Gareth chuckled.
“You may be weird but you're pretty cool. My names Cameron by the way.”
“Pleasure to meet you Cameron, I’m Gareth. I think you’re weird and cool too.”
Cameron giggled and sprinted away, stopped, turned around, closed the door gently, then turned back around and sprinted away again. Gareth sunk back down into the tub smiling.
Pen stepped under the shower head with her face turned up. Steaming hot water hit her face and ran down taking all the stress and sweat with it.
A proper shower was exactly what Pen needed. She was no stranger to dirt and sweat and when needs must, she had no issue. That said, filthy was by no means a preferred state and after two days hard march, sleeping in the dirt, and only washing off in a river, a proper shower felt divine. It almost reminded her of washing off after a particularly arduous drop. There was something especially satisfying about it.
Soap, warm water, and more time to enjoy it than she’d ever have been given on the Basho. After getting clean she turned the heat up as high as it could go and propped herself against the wall of the shower letting the water run over her shoulders and back. The heat melted through the tension and washed it down the drain.
Ahhhhhh. Perfect.
Something tickled her neck and she brought her right hand up to it. She pulled a long strand of hair away. It struck her as odd and brought her attention to her hair. It had gotten longer. The strand in her hand was almost alien due to how long it had been since she’d allowed it to grow out beyond a few inches.
She brought both her hands up now, raking them through the newfound length. She’d start having to wear it up if she didn’t want to cut it.
She kind of didn’t. Why should she?
After a nice long while in the hot shower she turned the water off and stepped out. The bathroom was heavy with steam, but she saw that towels and clothes had been set by the sink for her. She dried herself and examined the clothing. It was a simple handwoven dress, loose cut and floor length. The dress was dyed olive green and parchment white with a humble little leaf-like pattern embroidered around the wrists and neckline.
It certainly wasn’t her normal fare, but it was clearly a kind gesture and matched the clothing most wore around town. With how little worn and well taken care of it looked Pen could guess that it meant a lot to the person who donated it.
Pen donned it and looked to the mirror only to find it utterly fogged up.
A light knock came from the other side of the door.
“Are you alright miss?” a woman’s voice asked.
“Yea…” Pen faltered.
“Oh does the dress not fit? Or would you prefer something else?”
“No, no, it fits fine,” it did reach the floor though perhaps not as much as it was intended to, “How about you tell me how I look.”
Pen opened the door. Steam rolled out as she moved into the room with the young woman. She was a stranger to Pen but looked like the older lady whose house this was. Pen guessed a daughter.
“Oh my, I think you look quite nice! Olive is definitely one of your colors. Here!” The girl fumbled somewhat but showed Pen to a tall mirror in the far corner of the room.
It was… certainly a look. Not one she was used to but that was expected. The dress fit fine and it did look nice. Pen couldn’t help but notice, though, that it sat oddly on her. Not tight or revealing by any means, just… a gentler looking piece of clothing on a less than gently built frame. It wasn’t exactly made to be worn by a muscled body.
“Oh erm here miss,” the young woman handed her a hair tie but pulled back, “or if you want I could help you put it up? Its at that weird point where its not long enough to… you know but too long to uh it can be difficult. If you want I can…”
“I… appreciate it but I’ll be fine. I think I'll leave it down for now.”
“Right. Well, here. Just in case you want to.”
She again handed the hair tie but this time let Pen take it. Pen stowed it around her wrist.
“Is Gareth?”
“Oh yes your friend is across the street at the Patterson's. I can bring you over if you like.”
“Lead the way.”
“Of course.”
The girl led her out of the house and across the street. Pen saw a couple putting up woven cloth streamers across the road. They anchored them in trees with some parallel and others crossing.
As the girl stepped up the front porch of the, apparently, Patterson's house she waved to an older gentleman in a rocking chair.
“Evening Mr. Patterson. This is Penelope, she was just calling on her friend.”
“Evening dear. Evening miss. Yer friend hasn’t come out yet but you can head on up. To the left at the top, far end door.”
“Thanks.”
His hand came up to keep her just a moment.
“Thank you miss.” He said accentuating the ‘you’.
He looked at her like they all did. She knew what he meant and as awkwardly as it always was she smiled and nodded before she pushed past him. At least he had the good sense not to salute.
As she climbed the stairs just inside the door to the house she heard the man ask a question of the girl.
“Dear, could you ask your mother about a few fertilizer spikes? The peach is looking like it needs some help.”
Pen continued too far to make out her reply but could guess by its warm tone that it was a yes. She turned at the top of the stairs and walked to the end of the hall. Knocking on the door she called out to Gareth.
“You still soaking?”
“Just suiting up. I’ll be out in a min.”
A ‘min’ huh? Pen thought.
Previous
First

1 week in; every single adult abusing me; Beating by belt, slippers, sticks, broom, whatever is in their hands; My own "mother" telling me to go kill my self; "Father" throwing random objects aiming at my head.
All because I said I was done with listening to/helping my "grandfather" abusing me with the vilest abuses known to mankind. I dont know what to do anymore. My whole family is against me and there's no one listening to me. I dont know what they expect from me? Be in the same room and care for someone who constantly yells that I put my fingers in the socket or someone who rushes to beat me the moment everytime I dont do what he wishes. Is life always going to be like this?

"Treat them with honour, my Brothers. Not because they will bring us victory this day, but because their fate will one day be ours."
Howdy this is just a dumb little first attempt at writing some lore. I've never really written anything like this before so expect it to be kind of bad I put part one up in the title because maybe I decide to continue this
for context the dove succumbed to the black rage immediately after the siege of Terra. Astorath in this continuity set out to end the misery of the adoptive father of the blood angels no matter what. So with that here's my first attempt at some cringe writing.
As Astorath stood over his defeated quarry. He felt the exhaustion from his wounds dealt to him during this battle creep in like a wolf stalking its prey.
His strength was failing him. But no amount of pain would deter him from his duty as high chaplain.
It was that conviction that kept him standing. But he needed to act fast to deliver the emperor's peace.
As he looked upon the broken husk of a man before him sorrow grasped at his hearts, briefly giving him pause.
But that too faded into the background in the face of his charge. as he raised his axe to deliver a swift death he spoke softly like a mother to a babe.
"Your misery ends here father"
Before the dove could be released from his cage of grief Astorath fell to the ground reeling. As The horrid sound of Sonic weaponry and laughter echoed around him.
And from that laughter a horrid sickening voice seemingly coiled around his soul.
"It seems there's another pair of angel wings to be clipped"
As awareness faded back in for the high chaplain he saw a sickening sight. Standing before him was a snake like demon immensely beautiful, yet disgustingly twisted.
There was only one word he could utter to describe this creature
"Abomination."
The monster scowled before replying, it's words flowing like poisoned honey.
"Have the blood angels really lost their manners after my sister died?"

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Chemical-Scarcity964
Originally posted to AITAH
Previous BoRU
[New Update]: AITAH for refusing to help my FIL with a vehicle?
Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, deaths of loved ones, financial struggles, cancer
RECAP
Original Post: December 3, 2023
I (38F) have been married to my husband (43M) for almost 15 years. My FIL has never really accepted me as family. He referred to me as "my son's wife" for the first 5 years of my marriage & when he convinced us to go halves on a property insisted on only his & my husband's names on a survivors deed, "in case we divorced". In the last few years, he has struggled financially due mostly to poor choices he made. His wife, husband's step mom, is much older & has medical problems leading him to choose to work mostly from home. He has traded in vehicles numerous times in the last few years, supposedly trying to lower his payments, but is always upside-down on the loans that it doesn't work. He is paying close to $1000 a month on a minivan. Now here is my problem.
My FIL is currently trying to guilt trip my husband into giving him one of several vehicles I inherited. I had two uncles pass away 3 weeks apart during the holidays more than a year ago & I am still going through the probate process because they passed so close together. I do not have the court's permission to do anything with their vehicles yet.
He told my husband how much it would help him to have one of the vehicles so that he could let his car go back on repo & not have to make the payments. I may have considered it too, if he had waited more than a couple weeks after my both uncles passed away. I was, quite litterally, knee deep in a horders paradise, trying to clean out their apartment within the month to avoid having to pay rent because i couldnt afford it and had no access to their money (strike one). He picked out which vehicle he wanted, the most valuable of the 4, rather than asking if we had plans for them yet (strike two). Then he asked my husband to give him said vehicle (strike three). As a cherry on top, asked my husband again (still has never asked me) to give him a $10k vehicle after we pay for all the little repairs it needs, of course.
Here is where I might me the Asshole: Do I need the vehicle? No. Could I use the money from its sale? Yes, but I could live without it, too, as our finances are better now. Will I sign it over to him? Never. This is far from the first time that man has shown utter disrespect for me & he can pay for rides before I give him any vehicle. Yes, I am probably being a little childish. The only reason I hesitate, I actually like his wife & it would help her to some extent.
Edit to add: My husband has already told me that the vehicles are mine & I can do whatever I want with them.
Since it's been mentioned a few times: he has been bought out on the property & my name added.
Edit for clarity & to address the most common responses: My husband acts as a buffer against FIL for the sake of my sanity. He has told FIL multiple times that the vehicles are not his to do anything with, but the man is intentionally dense. His wife cannot legally own a car as it cannot be registered in her name (no license) I will not loan/rent him a vehicle as I can't trust that he will maintain it.
 
Relevant Comments
akhoneygirl: Offer him the worst for 3 or 4000!

OP: That's part of it. He wants us to fix & give him the vehicle. All of them need at least a few hundred in repairs. He has no interest in paying us for anything. He is just set on guilt tripping his son. My husband has told me everything from the start & said it's all up to me, my uncles, my vehicles, my decision.

SawwhetMA: So FIL set you up to lose out on a property if your SO passed away before FIL did? I'm glad to hear you bought him out and that's set now . If you find it in your heart to give him one of the vehicles then you may be a better person than I because I'm not sure if I could, given the history. What if (when probate is set and all) you offer to rent him one of the vehicles? Obviously that isn't what he wants, but you'd get some income but still own it to sell it when he was done with the vehicle?
Good luck!

OP: He would run it into the ground & I would end up having to go get it when he refused to pay. It's just frustrating because I like his wife & would consider doing it to help her, if he would just man up & ask. Instead, he tries to play the poor me card.

Dixieland_Insanity: INFO:
How does he know what you're inheriting from your uncles. Why does he think he's entitles to any of it?

OP: He knew my uncles fairly well since they were basically the last of my family. He doesn't really know what the full inheritance is, but the vehicles were the most obvious. He has told him no a couple of times. Everything FIL gets tight on funds he asks again.

Cdn_Giants_Fan: Not The A•H. But that said I would probably sell him one of the vehicles for its bluebook value and say pay 100 bucks a week. And if he says anything about it saybthat perhaps if you weren't such an asshat to me I would've just let you have it. Then if he starts being nice after it's partially paid off tell him hes good. He learns a lesson and you earn some money.

OP: I would never see a dime. He thinks that being "the father" means he is owed something from my husband and, by extension, me. Honestly, even if he offered me full value in cash, I would probably laugh at him & tell him to shove off.

VadersLoversLover: Gift it to your MIL with a lien on it so he can’t change to title.

OP: Due to a medical issue, she can't drive and had to surrender her license. That makes it impossible to register it in her name because she can't be insured as a driver.

 
Update #1: December 11, 2023
You guys asked for an update, so here you go. I have had a long talk with my husband about FIL & his "request" for one of the vehicles I had inherited. I showed him my original post & he got a good laugh out of some of the suggestions (especially the toy car). We have agreed that the only way to handle his constant hints & requests, is for me to draft an email to him. For reference: FIL loves to send me rude & demanding emails when he "feels unheard."
The email will not be sent until I know that probate is done & is as "polite & civil" as I can possibly write it. The jist of the email I typed up is this:
"I understand that you have been asking husband to gift you one of my uncles' vehicles. Unfortunately, you have chosen to speak to the wrong person. I have told you before that, in some things, his business is his & mine is mine. The vehicles that you keep asking about are mine. As such, I have decided that they will be sold at a fair market value. The funds will be split evenly into savings accounts for my daughters, as a seed for their futures. I already have buyers lined up for the vehicles & will be arranging times for them to be collected shortly. I hope you can understand my desire to ensure that my childrens' futures are secure, as my uncles would have wanted."
I am tempted to sign it as "husband's wife" but am undecided right now.
Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post. Your thoughts & support helped me a lot. I was genuinely on the fence as to whether or not I was being too sensitive about everything. You were all amazing & supportive about the entire mess. I just hope that this email to him puts an end to his covert begging once & for all (at least about this). And yes, my husband is behind me 100% and has no issues with my approach.
 

----NEW UPDATE----

Final Update: May 22, 2024 (five months later)
A few people have reached out to ask so here it goes.
Everything is finally settled. The vehicles are sold, except one I decided to keep for my oldest to learn on when she gets her permit.
I didn't send my FIL the email, although I do still have it saved. Turns out I won't have to. As of a few weeks ago, I am getting a divorce. My, now stbx, husband decided that he no longer wants to play house. He moved out & I am in the process of packing his things. Since the vehicles and my house were all inherited, he has no claim to them or the money from their sale. Yes I double checked the law in my state. If he would have waited a few more weeks, I would have paid off every debt we had, but he didn't. So he saved me a bunch of money by telling me before I commingled my inheritance funds with joint assets.
I don't know how his family will act towards me & our kids when he finally tells them all. His brother has called to make sure he is still allowed to keep in touch but he is the only one I've heard from so far.
Oh and as a bonus: the week before I found out about my impending divorce, my mother (who I was never close to) was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She passed away a week later. She was 58 years old, the same age my uncles were. So, yeah, it's basically just me & my kids against the world now.
Anyway, that's the update.
Relevant Comments
OOP on moving forward with her life and personal issues going on in her family especially health issues

OOP: Thank you. Its kinda sad that your kind words are enough to make me want to cry because it's expected that I am the strong one for everyone else. I don't really get to give myself time to be weak. And you are right. If it were not for my kids, I probably would have been completely broken.
My uncles had other health problems, no cancer at all that I know of & most of our family lived into their 70s and 80s. I am definitely working on getting my little health concerns checked out, though.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

For about 2 years I have done nothing. I have been unemployed and have had an income through government supports which i no longer have and have lost my house my cats and my girlfriend. In December I stopped taking my medications because I was sure they were causing my issues. It seems like all my issues sky rocketed once I took risperidone for a few months. I feel like I have no personality, no thoughts, no feelings, except rage and distress. My life feels like a constant state of being in agony in my mind. I read and read and read and all I come to find is that apathy is permanent and you can't get rid of it. If this is the case why should I keep on living. What life is this? I can't do anything because I don't know what to do or rather I think why do anything. If my existence as a human is lacking the part what makes it a human experience then why do I exist. My whole life ive been babied. Mother paying my bills when I cant and making appointments for me and what not.
Ive spent so much time on NPD or ASPD or schizoid or AvPD that I'm convinced I have some sort of cluster b personality disorder and all I can think of is why would I even try to live my life when I am nothing more than a walking pathology and don't really have a personality just a brain that works off IF statements like a line of code.
People get to experience life without having to second guess themselves all the time but that's the only thing I can do, to the point where i simply don't do anything because I'm not really doing anything I'm just acting.
I cold turkeryed lamotragine, sertraline and this other medications for sleep, I can't even remember what I was on and now I feel like I have brain damage. I can't think I can't enjoy anything I cant feel love for anyone, but I also wonder if I ever did. And it's debilitating, I constantly wonder If I ever was someone with a "soul" or if I have always been just a robot with a reactionary function to the world. If this person says this then say this back. Everything seems so fake and unreal and I honestly think I have a block in-between my brain and reality.
When I got evicted I moved into my friends parents place where he stays and now I'm stuck and can't stand it anymore. Was he even my friend though or just someone who also partied alot. I don't want to be around people I don't want to have to explain to these Christians that I can't just go to church and be cured and that my depression is a choice. For the past 2 years I've been stuck in some purgatory state and it doesn't make any sense how any living being could even feel this way. It's literally hell on earth.
I cant move out because I don't have an income and I can't get an income because in all honesty If I had a job I would quit after a week. 1 year ago I almost had a job and I did an interview and the first day of work on the way there I turned around went home and blocked all the phone numbers associated with it.
I cant get supports because by the time I'm half way through the process I realize nothing matters reality isn't real my thoughts are fake I'm a psychopath anyway so why would I bother. I applied in December and didn't follow up and just did it again. 2 weeks ago.
When I graduated in 2019 I was drinking every weekend and in 2021 started trying drugs with my best friend, we did mushrooms and acid a couple times and a few times molly on the weekends. I've been drinking since grade 9, not every weekend but any chance I could, every party, every family event and holiday. Around 2020 I became a pothead and I would smoke insane amounts of weed, some days I smoked 3.5 grams a day some days I smoked 7 grams a day but more or less from 2020 to 2023 I would smoke non stop with no breaks unless around peopoe who disaproved, waking up in the night to smoke ,sometimes twice. I also took shrooms every like 3 months for a year or so and would be able to say that I've done them 3 times a year atleast from 2020 to 2023. All while being on these meds that I have been convince are neurotoxic and designed to give you brain damage. Oh and I've tried cocaine 3 times in the last year aswell. Never did much of it tho.
So I've lost all hope in living a life that is human. I feel void of myself I don't know who I am, I constantly feel like I'm pretending and acting to be human and can't connect with anyone and they would never know I feel this way.
The past 2 years I have don't nothing but sit at home with my blinds closed and hope no one is going to knock on my door as I sit for I hours a day staring at my phone googling and resding reddit and coming to the conclusion that I have some sort of psychosis or skitzophrenia or paranoia. My friends will call and I'll watch it ring until it stops and won't reply to my family. Because whats the point in trying to be human when I am no longer a human thanks to the cognitive issues I have to face.
And there's no hope online. You have anhedonia? It's the same everywhere I look, people replying to other people's posts or articles with "same here been 20 years now." So what's the point. How am I to know if it's depression or ASPD or NPD or Permanent Apathy from being chronically staring at my phone since I was 14 and watching gore and porn since I was that age. There's no knowing, there's no certainty in my own cognition or personality, not that i have one anymore. It's like do I have this cluster b? Who knows because if I did I wouldn't let a therapist know because I'm scared I do so I don't touch on it. Everything is a loop and a pardox of mental illnesses. I should have never read anything and I could have just been like "yup I'm depressed" now I have to worry if I should even try.
I moved to this place I'm in in december and just threw all my belongings in a room and I walked over everything until a couple weeks ago I threw out thousands of dollars worth of stuff because it's in the way and I dont have my own place anymore so things don't have a designated place. Threw out my computer, my tv, my model cars and all the model building supplies I had, airbrushes compressors hundreds of paints and brushes and clamps and just so much shit because those are people things let alone the human aspect of putting them somewhere.
Now I have cloths and a phone so running away will be easier. But where to go? Food costs money, I'm just tired of not feeling like a human and realizing everything I owned was just part of the act anyway. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. It's all that goes through my head all day long even if I did I wouldn't know it because I'm too far gone and it would be second guessed. I've now hyperfocused on the fact that laying down and staring at my phone for 2 years straight has, if not amplified, solidified my brain damage beyond repair. Because I feel nothing all day I just stare at my phone. But I can't do that anymore because now I'm expected to be a human in this household that I no longer want to be in. I'm completely isolated and I prefer that but I don't but I do but I don't but I do. It's like I want to be able to have friends and connect with someone but that's impossible because I'm just some empty emotionless husk with pure apathy and so I don't know what to do anymore.
I could get back on meds but isn't that the cause of this. The chemical lobotomy at its finest, causing you to need more of itself.
I dont see any hope anywhere because I want to be someone who has emotions but I have none and I want to be someone who has a human experience but I am not one. What do I do? Suicide? No there's ways to cope. I don't want to cope. What the fuck? You think coping with hell on earth is better than dieing? Why would I cope when all I have then is to look around at the world going "oh look that person feels this, thats something I can't do" because that's all that goes in inside.
I just say what I think someone is expecting to hear and then I think we'll isn't that what everyone is doing? Their all saying the same shit anyway but then I think we'll no they say what they say because they feel a certain way. Something I can't do, feel. Because im a sociopath. Being out if this household could help I'm sure but that's not even fathomable. Even with supports at max I can't afford a ppace of my own. I'd have to rent a room with a stranger, but it's funny because even those who aren't strangers are strangers now.
I shower once a week because why would I shower that's a human thing. I am not human anymore. I am void of humanity.
23 and dead. Who would have thought.
No one understands any of this so I just say I'm depressed and they think i shoukd try therapy and meds. Whats that going to do? Give my sociopathic brain the ability to not be a sociopath? If only they knew what distress and pain I feel every second of every day.
Ontop of all that even I was able to come back to myself it's just constant ocd of where should I place this and when or what or where should I do and what's the most optimized way to do this or that and why is that there instead of here and how do I know if here or there is better.
So now I guess I'll go back on ssris, and go back to thinking I'm poisoning myself and then repeat this cycle until death.
I'm just gonna run away and start stealing to eat because nothing matters anyway

For about 2 years I have done nothing. I have been unemployed and have had an income through government supports which i no longer have and have lost my house my cats and my girlfriend. In December I stopped taking my medications because I was sure they were causing my issues. It seems like all my issues sky rocketed once I took risperidone for a few months. I feel like I have no personality, no thoughts, no feelings, except rage and distress. My life feels like a constant state of being in agony in my mind. I read and read and read and all I come to find is that apathy is permanent and you can't get rid of it. If this is the case why should I keep on living. What life is this? I can't do anything because I don't know what to do or rather I think why do anything. If my existence as a human is lacking the part what makes it a human experience then why do I exist. My whole life ive been babied. Mother paying my bills when I cant and making appointments for me and what not.
Ive spent so much time on NPD or ASPD or schizoid or AvPD that I'm convinced I have some sort of cluster b personality disorder and all I can think of is why would I even try to live my life when I am nothing more than a walking pathology and don't really have a personality just a brain that works off IF statements like a line of code.
People get to experience life without having to second guess themselves all the time but that's the only thing I can do, to the point where i simply don't do anything because I'm not really doing anything I'm just acting.
I cold turkeryed lamotragine, sertraline and this other medications for sleep, I can't even remember what I was on and now I feel like I have brain damage. I can't think I can't enjoy anything I cant feel love for anyone, but I also wonder if I ever did. And it's debilitating, I constantly wonder If I ever was someone with a "soul" or if I have always been just a robot with a reactionary function to the world. If this person says this then say this back. Everything seems so fake and unreal and I honestly think I have a block in-between my brain and reality.
When I got evicted I moved into my friends parents place where he stays and now I'm stuck and can't stand it anymore. Was he even my friend though or just someone who also partied alot. I don't want to be around people I don't want to have to explain to these Christians that I can't just go to church and be cured and that my depression is a choice. For the past 2 years I've been stuck in some purgatory state and it doesn't make any sense how any living being could even feel this way. It's literally hell on earth.
I cant move out because I don't have an income and I can't get an income because in all honesty If I had a job I would quit after a week. 1 year ago I almost had a job and I did an interview and the first day of work on the way there I turned around went home and blocked all the phone numbers associated with it.
I cant get supports because by the time I'm half way through the process I realize nothing matters reality isn't real my thoughts are fake I'm a psychopath anyway so why would I bother. I applied in December and didn't follow up and just did it again. 2 weeks ago.
When I graduated in 2019 I was drinking every weekend and in 2021 started trying drugs with my best friend, we did mushrooms and acid a couple times and a few times molly on the weekends. I've been drinking since grade 9, not every weekend but any chance I could, every party, every family event and holiday. Around 2020 I became a pothead and I would smoke insane amounts of weed, some days I smoked 3.5 grams a day some days I smoked 7 grams a day but more or less from 2020 to 2023 I would smoke non stop with no breaks unless around peopoe who disaproved, waking up in the night to smoke ,sometimes twice. I also took shrooms every like 3 months for a year or so and would be able to say that I've done them 3 times a year atleast from 2020 to 2023. All while being on these meds that I have been convince are neurotoxic and designed to give you brain damage. Oh and I've tried cocaine 3 times in the last year aswell. Never did much of it tho.
So I've lost all hope in living a life that is human. I feel void of myself I don't know who I am, I constantly feel like I'm pretending and acting to be human and can't connect with anyone and they would never know I feel this way.
The past 2 years I have don't nothing but sit at home with my blinds closed and hope no one is going to knock on my door as I sit for I hours a day staring at my phone googling and resding reddit and coming to the conclusion that I have some sort of psychosis or skitzophrenia or paranoia. My friends will call and I'll watch it ring until it stops and won't reply to my family. Because whats the point in trying to be human when I am no longer a human thanks to the cognitive issues I have to face.
And there's no hope online. You have anhedonia? It's the same everywhere I look, people replying to other people's posts or articles with "same here been 20 years now." So what's the point. How am I to know if it's depression or ASPD or NPD or Permanent Apathy from being chronically staring at my phone since I was 14 and watching gore and porn since I was that age. There's no knowing, there's no certainty in my own cognition or personality, not that i have one anymore. It's like do I have this cluster b? Who knows because if I did I wouldn't let a therapist know because I'm scared I do so I don't touch on it. Everything is a loop and a pardox of mental illnesses. I should have never read anything and I could have just been like "yup I'm depressed" now I have to worry if I should even try.
I moved to this place I'm in in december and just threw all my belongings in a room and I walked over everything until a couple weeks ago I threw out thousands of dollars worth of stuff because it's in the way and I dont have my own place anymore so things don't have a designated place. Threw out my computer, my tv, my model cars and all the model building supplies I had, airbrushes compressors hundreds of paints and brushes and clamps and just so much shit because those are people things let alone the human aspect of putting them somewhere.
Now I have cloths and a phone so running away will be easier. But where to go? Food costs money, I'm just tired of not feeling like a human and realizing everything I owned was just part of the act anyway. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. It's all that goes through my head all day long even if I did I wouldn't know it because I'm too far gone and it would be second guessed. I've now hyperfocused on the fact that laying down and staring at my phone for 2 years straight has, if not amplified, solidified my brain damage beyond repair. Because I feel nothing all day I just stare at my phone. But I can't do that anymore because now I'm expected to be a human in this household that I no longer want to be in. I'm completely isolated and I prefer that but I don't but I do but I don't but I do. It's like I want to be able to have friends and connect with someone but that's impossible because I'm just some empty emotionless husk with pure apathy and so I don't know what to do anymore.
I could get back on meds but isn't that the cause of this. The chemical lobotomy at its finest, causing you to need more of itself.
I dont see any hope anywhere because I want to be someone who has emotions but I have none and I want to be someone who has a human experience but I am not one. What do I do? Suicide? No there's ways to cope. I don't want to cope. What the fuck? You think coping with hell on earth is better than dieing? Why would I cope when all I have then is to look around at the world going "oh look that person feels this, thats something I can't do" because that's all that goes in inside.
I just say what I think someone is expecting to hear and then I think we'll isn't that what everyone is doing? Their all saying the same shit anyway but then I think we'll no they say what they say because they feel a certain way. Something I can't do, feel. Because im a sociopath. Being out if this household could help I'm sure but that's not even fathomable. Even with supports at max I can't afford a ppace of my own. I'd have to rent a room with a stranger, but it's funny because even those who aren't strangers are strangers now.
I shower once a week because why would I shower that's a human thing. I am not human anymore. I am void of humanity.
23 and dead. Who would have thought.
No one understands any of this so I just say I'm depressed and they think i shoukd try therapy and meds. Whats that going to do? Give my sociopathic brain the ability to not be a sociopath? If only they knew what distress and pain I feel every second of every day.
Ontop of all that even I was able to come back to myself it's just constant ocd of where should I place this and when or what or where should I do and what's the most optimized way to do this or that and why is that there instead of here and how do I know if here or there is better.
So now I guess I'll go back on ssris, and go back to thinking I'm poisoning myself and then repeat this cycle until death.
I'm just gonna run away and start stealing to eat because nothing matters anyway

I'm gonna let you know right now this is not where you expected me to go. But you know me. I tend to be unpredictable. I just want to talk.
Can you believe I am now under my weight that was in highschool? That's right. I'm more frail and thin than my pubescent self with maybe less acne. This isn't good. But I've always had a problem with eating. But again. You know that.
I had a thought tonight. My parents always ate their food. My mother in fact had a weight problem because she turned to food. Hard to believe right? I remember the cans of Slim Fast on the top of the cupboard in the kitchen. I remember what sparked that too.
I was very very young so forgive me if this sounds cruel. But I remember asking my mother “Mommy? Why are you so big?” meaning her weight. I could see her holding back her tears. She knew she had a weight problem but I did not understand why.
Understanding
Remember that novelette I wrote? No not the one that nearly made it to publication. The one about the serial killer named Understanding? He just wanted people to understand why. Why this. Why that. Why we kill the ones that we love?
The ability to understand is powerful. It actually separates us from every other thing on this planet. Crazy to think right? Yet there's so much miscommunication within that sect of people who do understand. I'll touch on that in a bit but for right now, lets end with that thought. That I am beginning to understand. I'm no longer something I detest. I found out what I am.

After a wonderful year with an amazing girl (24F) who I(26M) fell in love with and was building a future with, I got suddenly dumped. Just a few days before the anniversary of the day we met.
About two months ago, after I returned from a trip, she came to meet me with the intention to break up because she felt the relationship had lost the ‘spark’. We had a healthy conversation and communicated the flaws and what was missing and decided that we would work on them together and revive it. Over the next month, we did exactly that, both proclaimed that we loved each other. We had our serious discussions and planned out the next couple months with weekend trips, and her introducing me to her mom who was supposed to visit this past weekend.
May 1st, her birthday, I surprised her, had a wonderful day on the weekend with her friends and everything seemed to be going great. She came by to spend the night next day and she would reiterate her feelings for me, through words and actions and everything seemed to be going great. May 8th, before going to sleep, I told her how much I missed her, and what exactly I missed about her to reiterate my feelings to show how serious I was as well. May 9th, morning, she replied normally and said she missed me as well and wished she could cuddle with me all day every day. I jokingly said I want to hear more, in detail as to how much she misses me. That message was followed by an entire day of silence. We were supposed to meet later that day however, she made up a reason to not meet and then called me later in the night and broke the news.
She felt she did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore. She had come to realize, that she would never love me the way I love her. We met a day later to say our goodbyes as I was in a state of shock. I was blindsided. I thought I only reciprocated the feelings. She mentioned that ‘I miss you’ message from me made her realize that she could never love me the same way. She said she will always hold love for me and care for me, and cherish the memories we made over the past year. I couldn’t muster up the courage to fight for us, how could I knowing that it was probably the last time I would be seeing her? I asked her what changed, what happened, what did I do and all she responded was ‘I don’t have an answer for you. I wish there was a reason, because you do and say everything that I want you to do and hear.’ Yet she left me. I didn’t beg, all I could say was, if that’s what you feel, how can I change your feelings?
I sent a letter proclaiming my feelings to her and why I said what I said and how ‘she’ had planned all those trips and plans over the next couple weekends and the summer. The day it got delivered, I sent her a message that I wasn’t expecting a response, even though I so much wanted to, and that I will be blocking/removing her from my instagram as that’s the only social media app I use.
She didn’t reply, it broke me apart, but maybe that was for the best? So, it’s been 17 days of no contact, and I miss her every day, all day. I truly loved her and this has broken me into a million pieces. She was the first girl I was going to confess my love for, to my conservative and religious mother. It felt like someone snatched the earth from beneath me. I wake up in the middle of the night multiple times trembling or sweating dreaming about her. I have lost 8 pounds due to a loss in appetite. I have been meditating, journaling, working out, playing soccer, staying busy as all of you have said but it still feels like a gaping hole in my heart. I get anxious and shortness of breath. I cry till I can’t cry anymore. Each day is a battle with myself so I don’t reach out to her.
How do you go from best friends one day and to being a stranger the next? She made me a better man than I was yesterday and now it feels like everything I had hoped for is shattered. I know time heals all wounds, but how do I go forward knowing she will not be a part of my life the way I had and atleast till the last day, she had envisioned as well? It hurts.
I miss her so much and I know I will always love her. But I’m doing my best to stay no contact so I can hopefully heal. Why is the world so cruel?