Weight loss plan worksheet
WeightLossMealPlan
2023.01.15 12:26 ResidentSignal7 WeightLossMealPlan
Lose your weight at Home . No Exercise, No Medicine, No Trainers needed. Do it Yourself
2013.05.28 07:23 habibaddi weight loss plan program
You're not alone. That's the number one thing to remember. Losing the weight can be difficult and can become a depressing issue for many people. Let's talk about some weight loss facts and explore some helpful weight loss tips and secrets. Did you know that obesity is increasing all across the world?
2012.01.22 21:51 roo-bob Protein Sparing Modified Fasting
All things relating to Protein Sparing Modified Fasting (PSMF) PSMF is a low calorie diet that promotes rapid weight loss while preserving lean body mass (muscle). It involves eating mostly protein-rich foods and minimizing the intake of carbohydrates and fats. It is designed to jump start a weight loss program for rapid fat loss or to break a stall.
2024.06.09 19:32 nkufrfbhh Java Burn Reviews Safe Weight Loss Coffee Powder or Over Hype? MUST READ!
Java Burn Reviews: Can You Lose Weight with This Coffee Supplement?
~Java Burn is designed with convenience and simplicity in mind.~ Imagine starting your day with your usual cup of coffee, but on this occasion it helps you lose weight. Java Burn delivers on this promise.
This supplement promises to speed up your metabolism, give you more energy, and improve the way your body burns fat.
The best part is that it doesn't change the flavor of your coffee, making it easy to use.
What is Java Burn Coffee?
~Java Burn is a natural weight loss supplement made from professionally sourced and tested ingredients.~ The formula targets the underlying causes of weight gain and a slow and non-habit-forming metabolism.
Objective third-party laboratories test powder to ensure it is free of impurities, including artificial colors, additives, preservatives, gluten and GMOs. Java Burn ensures overall health although weight loss is considered the main benefit.
It improves your energy and mental clarity, while keeping your blood pressure, diabetes, and digestion at healthy levels.
The manufacturer of the dietary supplement states that it is manufactured in an FDA registered facility in the United States under strict, hygienic, GMP certified procedures.
Java Burn is a coffee supplement that comes in a bottle containing 60 easy-to-swallow capsules, enough for a month's supply.
submitted by nkufrfbhh to nflstreamsbaltv [link] [comments]
~Java Burn is designed with convenience and simplicity in mind.~ Imagine starting your day with your usual cup of coffee, but on this occasion it helps you lose weight. Java Burn delivers on this promise.
This supplement promises to speed up your metabolism, give you more energy, and improve the way your body burns fat.
The best part is that it doesn't change the flavor of your coffee, making it easy to use.
What is Java Burn Coffee?
~Java Burn is a natural weight loss supplement made from professionally sourced and tested ingredients.~ The formula targets the underlying causes of weight gain and a slow and non-habit-forming metabolism.
Objective third-party laboratories test powder to ensure it is free of impurities, including artificial colors, additives, preservatives, gluten and GMOs. Java Burn ensures overall health although weight loss is considered the main benefit.
It improves your energy and mental clarity, while keeping your blood pressure, diabetes, and digestion at healthy levels.
The manufacturer of the dietary supplement states that it is manufactured in an FDA registered facility in the United States under strict, hygienic, GMP certified procedures.
Java Burn is a coffee supplement that comes in a bottle containing 60 easy-to-swallow capsules, enough for a month's supply.
2024.06.09 19:30 thesilverpoets96 Song of the Week: Escape is at Hand for the Travellin’ Man
https://youtu.be/TK6XQ1_L6To?si=ZGfN8fEZOeSnPShi
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/tragicallyhip/escapeisathandforthetravellinman.html
Hello everyone, I hope all is well. Today we are going to be taking a closer listen/look at the penultimate track from Phantom Power titled “Escape is at Hand for the Travellin’ Man.”
“Escape…” is a fan favorite song from the band. It was voted to be included on the band’s Yer Favorites album, it was also voted as the song fans wanted to hear live the most in 2004 and it was the first song that the band practiced before their final tour in 2016. And the song itself has a pretty rich history.
The song was written for Jim Ellison, the lead singer and guitarist for the Chicago, Illinois band Material Issue. Unfortunately, on June 20th, 1996, Jim committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning. This song lyrically, as we will break down, describes the short relationship that Gord had with Jim as well as how Gord grieved over his loss.
But before we dive into the lyrics, we have to talk about the music of this track because the music plays for a full minute before Gord’s vocals come in. Imagine if the outro jam for “The Last of the Unplucked Gems” went on for almost six minutes. That’s close to what we get with this song. Johnny’s drum beat is slightly faster than the Road Apples closing track, not super fast but enough to get your head nodding along. You also have the star of the show (in my opinion) Mr. Gord Sinclair with his phenomenal bass playing. He’s playing these chords in a picking pattern very high up on the neck of his bass. He plays it in a very hypnotic way and does a ton of variations like slides as well and moving all around the fret board. To me, it’s what drives the song and recently he made a short video describing how he came up with the bassline. You can check it out here:
https://youtube.com/shorts/vnMabjQTRtA?si=lOexR5kZarikBcHs
So while you have this extremely tight groove between Sinclair and Johnny, Paul is playing these counter melodies/riffs to the song’s grooving bassline. And then you have Rob who’s playing one of his most interesting guitar parts. Throughout most of the song, Rob is playing these little atmospheric guitar parts that include slides, hammer ons, pull offs and harmonics. But to make this sound even more interesting he set up a delay unit for his guitar with different speeds. This creates different sound with the different speeds every three seconds or so. It’s how his guitar sounds so dreamy on this song.
Once Gord starts singing, the first thing I notice is his vocal delivery. He sings this song in a typical Gord way that is just unique enough that it takes a couple of listens to be able to sing along with him on the verses. He starts off the song with the lyric “it was our third time in New York, it was your fourth time in New York. We were fifth and sixth on the bill.” Although I couldn’t find the exact history, we are to assume that this lyric dives into the history of the Hip playing a show/festival with Jim and his band Material Issue. This may have even been the first time that each band had met each other. It would make sense that the Hip would be fifth or sixth on the bill since they never broke out in the states. I also want to point out the clever way that Gord counts up with the lyrics “third, fourth, fifth, sixth.”
Gord sings about talking to Jim about each other bands as well as their “future plans.” But then he makes it a point that they are not “best” friends. They’ve only met briefly during some sort of music festival and it’s hard to be someone’s best friend in that short amount of time. And right before the band transitions into the chorus, you can barely hear Gord say “why, what did we do?”
The band transitions until the chorus which still keeps that somewhat laid back sound, this time with different chords and Paul being a bit more deliberate with his picking. Gord sings “that number scheme comes back to me. In times beyond our heartbeat.” I think the “number scheme” could be that “third, fourth, fifth, sixth” lyrics that he sings throughout the first verse. And the heartbeat lyric is something he’ll return to later on that we’ll talk about then. Vocally, Gord sings the chorus in a more straightforward way and it’s extremely catchy with Paul’s backing harmonies.
The band goes back into the vibe heavy verse jam with those atmospheric guitar notes from Rob still playing. In this verse, Gord sings about hanging around to the last band performing at this festival and this band happens to be called Escape Is At Hand For The Travelling Man. Of course it’s a fake band name Gord came up with, but oh man is it so good. He also makes up different songs that this band plays such as “Lonely From Rock And Roll”, “They Checked Out An Hour Ago” and “They Checked Out An Hour Ago.” All fantastic names and the last name could have a double meaning behind someone choosing to end their live.
In the second chorus we get Gord singing “those melodies come back to me. At times beyond our heartbeat.” I love this lyric because as I get older, I’ll hear a song and even a specific melody, and it’ll transport me to the first time I ever heard it. Music is the closest thing we have to a time machine right now.
After the second chorus get into the bridge section which sees the guitar take a more typical approach by strumming chords. This gives this section a bit more intensity than the rest of the song and makes it soar instead of drone (in a good way). Gord’s vocals become a bit more lively and passionate as he sings “I guess I'm too slow” which to me is him acknowledging that he was too slow to reconnect with Jim while he had the chance. He sings “you said any time of the day was fine. You said any time of the night was also fine” which is probably what Jim told him when they first met and exchanged numbers. With Paul’s backing vocals this bridge is extremely emotional and hits hard when you understand the context.
In the third verse Gord sings about trying to reach Jim but getting no answer on the seventh floor of the hotel. Gord does a phenomenal job at painting pictures, like of pigeons weighing down a telephone wire or the elevator giving out a low moan which adds to the bitterness of this song. He even sings about a chambermaid singing along to the fake song “They Checked Out An Hour Ago.” At the end of the verse he sings “I kind of chucked” in a similar way that he sung/talked the last line of the first verse.
After a final chorus and additional bridge, the band goes back into the intro/verse jam. But as Gord continues to sing “our heartbeat” (which to me could be about how fragile human life is) we can hear Johnny’s drumming becoming heavier and starts driving the song even more than the bass is. This leads to a euphoric vocal delivery from Gord with the amazing lyric “long conversation or idle chit chat. Maybe dive in or maybe hang back.” It doesn’t matter if it’s a deep conversation or if it’s just casual talk, it’s important to talk and connect to the people you love while you have the chance. And the way Gord sings this lyric really seals the deal. After the building of that last lyric the band quietly but quickly dissolves to end the song in a fitting way.
This song means a lot to a lot of people because of its rich lyrics, its emotional depth and its stunning music. It’s no wonder why it’s a fan favorite and was the band’s 20th most played song live. Before we close out this discussion I would like to post a story that a fan had of this song when it came to a particular live performance;
“Gord said during a live performance of this song on May 11, 2007, that Material Issue had driven through the night in their van to get to this concert in NY. After the show, one of the guys in the band was too sick to sleep in their van, and they had no accommodations. Gord said he and Paul offered the guy their hotel room, he accepted, and that was the last time they ever saw any of them. Material Issue checked out the next morning before saying goodbye to The Hip.”
But what do you think of this fan favorite? Is it one of the band’s best songs? What does the song mean to you? What are your favorite lyrical or musical moments? And did you ever catch it live?
submitted by thesilverpoets96 to TragicallyHip [link] [comments]
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/tragicallyhip/escapeisathandforthetravellinman.html
Hello everyone, I hope all is well. Today we are going to be taking a closer listen/look at the penultimate track from Phantom Power titled “Escape is at Hand for the Travellin’ Man.”
“Escape…” is a fan favorite song from the band. It was voted to be included on the band’s Yer Favorites album, it was also voted as the song fans wanted to hear live the most in 2004 and it was the first song that the band practiced before their final tour in 2016. And the song itself has a pretty rich history.
The song was written for Jim Ellison, the lead singer and guitarist for the Chicago, Illinois band Material Issue. Unfortunately, on June 20th, 1996, Jim committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning. This song lyrically, as we will break down, describes the short relationship that Gord had with Jim as well as how Gord grieved over his loss.
But before we dive into the lyrics, we have to talk about the music of this track because the music plays for a full minute before Gord’s vocals come in. Imagine if the outro jam for “The Last of the Unplucked Gems” went on for almost six minutes. That’s close to what we get with this song. Johnny’s drum beat is slightly faster than the Road Apples closing track, not super fast but enough to get your head nodding along. You also have the star of the show (in my opinion) Mr. Gord Sinclair with his phenomenal bass playing. He’s playing these chords in a picking pattern very high up on the neck of his bass. He plays it in a very hypnotic way and does a ton of variations like slides as well and moving all around the fret board. To me, it’s what drives the song and recently he made a short video describing how he came up with the bassline. You can check it out here:
https://youtube.com/shorts/vnMabjQTRtA?si=lOexR5kZarikBcHs
So while you have this extremely tight groove between Sinclair and Johnny, Paul is playing these counter melodies/riffs to the song’s grooving bassline. And then you have Rob who’s playing one of his most interesting guitar parts. Throughout most of the song, Rob is playing these little atmospheric guitar parts that include slides, hammer ons, pull offs and harmonics. But to make this sound even more interesting he set up a delay unit for his guitar with different speeds. This creates different sound with the different speeds every three seconds or so. It’s how his guitar sounds so dreamy on this song.
Once Gord starts singing, the first thing I notice is his vocal delivery. He sings this song in a typical Gord way that is just unique enough that it takes a couple of listens to be able to sing along with him on the verses. He starts off the song with the lyric “it was our third time in New York, it was your fourth time in New York. We were fifth and sixth on the bill.” Although I couldn’t find the exact history, we are to assume that this lyric dives into the history of the Hip playing a show/festival with Jim and his band Material Issue. This may have even been the first time that each band had met each other. It would make sense that the Hip would be fifth or sixth on the bill since they never broke out in the states. I also want to point out the clever way that Gord counts up with the lyrics “third, fourth, fifth, sixth.”
Gord sings about talking to Jim about each other bands as well as their “future plans.” But then he makes it a point that they are not “best” friends. They’ve only met briefly during some sort of music festival and it’s hard to be someone’s best friend in that short amount of time. And right before the band transitions into the chorus, you can barely hear Gord say “why, what did we do?”
The band transitions until the chorus which still keeps that somewhat laid back sound, this time with different chords and Paul being a bit more deliberate with his picking. Gord sings “that number scheme comes back to me. In times beyond our heartbeat.” I think the “number scheme” could be that “third, fourth, fifth, sixth” lyrics that he sings throughout the first verse. And the heartbeat lyric is something he’ll return to later on that we’ll talk about then. Vocally, Gord sings the chorus in a more straightforward way and it’s extremely catchy with Paul’s backing harmonies.
The band goes back into the vibe heavy verse jam with those atmospheric guitar notes from Rob still playing. In this verse, Gord sings about hanging around to the last band performing at this festival and this band happens to be called Escape Is At Hand For The Travelling Man. Of course it’s a fake band name Gord came up with, but oh man is it so good. He also makes up different songs that this band plays such as “Lonely From Rock And Roll”, “They Checked Out An Hour Ago” and “They Checked Out An Hour Ago.” All fantastic names and the last name could have a double meaning behind someone choosing to end their live.
In the second chorus we get Gord singing “those melodies come back to me. At times beyond our heartbeat.” I love this lyric because as I get older, I’ll hear a song and even a specific melody, and it’ll transport me to the first time I ever heard it. Music is the closest thing we have to a time machine right now.
After the second chorus get into the bridge section which sees the guitar take a more typical approach by strumming chords. This gives this section a bit more intensity than the rest of the song and makes it soar instead of drone (in a good way). Gord’s vocals become a bit more lively and passionate as he sings “I guess I'm too slow” which to me is him acknowledging that he was too slow to reconnect with Jim while he had the chance. He sings “you said any time of the day was fine. You said any time of the night was also fine” which is probably what Jim told him when they first met and exchanged numbers. With Paul’s backing vocals this bridge is extremely emotional and hits hard when you understand the context.
In the third verse Gord sings about trying to reach Jim but getting no answer on the seventh floor of the hotel. Gord does a phenomenal job at painting pictures, like of pigeons weighing down a telephone wire or the elevator giving out a low moan which adds to the bitterness of this song. He even sings about a chambermaid singing along to the fake song “They Checked Out An Hour Ago.” At the end of the verse he sings “I kind of chucked” in a similar way that he sung/talked the last line of the first verse.
After a final chorus and additional bridge, the band goes back into the intro/verse jam. But as Gord continues to sing “our heartbeat” (which to me could be about how fragile human life is) we can hear Johnny’s drumming becoming heavier and starts driving the song even more than the bass is. This leads to a euphoric vocal delivery from Gord with the amazing lyric “long conversation or idle chit chat. Maybe dive in or maybe hang back.” It doesn’t matter if it’s a deep conversation or if it’s just casual talk, it’s important to talk and connect to the people you love while you have the chance. And the way Gord sings this lyric really seals the deal. After the building of that last lyric the band quietly but quickly dissolves to end the song in a fitting way.
This song means a lot to a lot of people because of its rich lyrics, its emotional depth and its stunning music. It’s no wonder why it’s a fan favorite and was the band’s 20th most played song live. Before we close out this discussion I would like to post a story that a fan had of this song when it came to a particular live performance;
“Gord said during a live performance of this song on May 11, 2007, that Material Issue had driven through the night in their van to get to this concert in NY. After the show, one of the guys in the band was too sick to sleep in their van, and they had no accommodations. Gord said he and Paul offered the guy their hotel room, he accepted, and that was the last time they ever saw any of them. Material Issue checked out the next morning before saying goodbye to The Hip.”
But what do you think of this fan favorite? Is it one of the band’s best songs? What does the song mean to you? What are your favorite lyrical or musical moments? And did you ever catch it live?
2024.06.09 19:28 Mombakes LIELEA. You haven’t been to church since you sang a LONG time ago.
 | submitted by Mombakes to KyleaGomezsnark [link] [comments] |
2024.06.09 19:27 No-Dragonfruit267 Lost the 12kg i have wanted to lose for 10 years in six months and nobody has even noticed :(
Sorry in advance if this post screams 'unhinged attention seeker' lol - just been working really hard and finding this all a bit meh
Hi all,
(sw:75.1kg/165lb - cw: 62.4kg/137lb - gw: ~50kg/110lb)
Does anyone have any experience on how long it typically takes for people to notice weight loss? I have lost over 12kg (~26lb) since the end of January and whilst the changes aren't anything crazy dramatic, my clothes are fitting way better (dropped a dress size, and gone from 32W to 29W jeans!) and i feel like i am seeing a pretty big difference in my body looking leaner and carrying less body fat. I have also always been open about my weight loss aspirations/(and letsbehonest)struggles with friends, so thought that would allow for people to feel able to comment (as i know it's considered impolite sometimes, which i fully appreciate!) and yet - nobody seems to have noticed at all! to be clear, i am definitely doing this for me, but the external validation would be nice and encourage me to keep going!
I understand the people who see you everyday might not notice, but the biggest kicker was going home to see my family after 5 months of being away a few weeks ago. They have *always* felt very (!!!) entitled to comment on my weight in a negative way - being reminded how fat i got or how much i "ballooned" since my teen years has been a core thing i've learned to navigate around going home as an adult. so, because they love to discuss my body, i felt pretty sure they'd notice the positive changes and say something. The whole week, I was waiting for them to acknowledge it but...nothing. silence. It made me feel really paranoid that maybe i am actually imagining the physical changes just based on the weight loss (i know scale isn't everything, so maybe i am not working hard enough) but also worried maybe my family just are better at highlighting the bad over the good which sucks (and also a deeper issue than for this sub loooool).
I guess what I am looking for in this post is advice on keeping the motivation if my imagined "wow you look good!" comments are not happening, and seeing if anyuone else has found it difficult to feel the same win even without friends and family high fiving you along the way. A bit embarrassed and a wake up call for me to realise how much i may rely on external validation despite what i like to tell myself...
submitted by No-Dragonfruit267 to PetiteFitness [link] [comments]
Hi all,
(sw:75.1kg/165lb - cw: 62.4kg/137lb - gw: ~50kg/110lb)
Does anyone have any experience on how long it typically takes for people to notice weight loss? I have lost over 12kg (~26lb) since the end of January and whilst the changes aren't anything crazy dramatic, my clothes are fitting way better (dropped a dress size, and gone from 32W to 29W jeans!) and i feel like i am seeing a pretty big difference in my body looking leaner and carrying less body fat. I have also always been open about my weight loss aspirations/(and letsbehonest)struggles with friends, so thought that would allow for people to feel able to comment (as i know it's considered impolite sometimes, which i fully appreciate!) and yet - nobody seems to have noticed at all! to be clear, i am definitely doing this for me, but the external validation would be nice and encourage me to keep going!
I understand the people who see you everyday might not notice, but the biggest kicker was going home to see my family after 5 months of being away a few weeks ago. They have *always* felt very (!!!) entitled to comment on my weight in a negative way - being reminded how fat i got or how much i "ballooned" since my teen years has been a core thing i've learned to navigate around going home as an adult. so, because they love to discuss my body, i felt pretty sure they'd notice the positive changes and say something. The whole week, I was waiting for them to acknowledge it but...nothing. silence. It made me feel really paranoid that maybe i am actually imagining the physical changes just based on the weight loss (i know scale isn't everything, so maybe i am not working hard enough) but also worried maybe my family just are better at highlighting the bad over the good which sucks (and also a deeper issue than for this sub loooool).
I guess what I am looking for in this post is advice on keeping the motivation if my imagined "wow you look good!" comments are not happening, and seeing if anyuone else has found it difficult to feel the same win even without friends and family high fiving you along the way. A bit embarrassed and a wake up call for me to realise how much i may rely on external validation despite what i like to tell myself...
2024.06.09 19:27 s-n-0-m 29 [F4M] Online / US - Looking for my golden retriever gamer bf
I've been single for a long time now. I genuinely want to find someone who will help me become the best version of me.
I'm just a woman living on the west coast in the US. I am working full time but taking some time off soon. I love watching movies and tv shows. I like anime and kdramas. I listen to a variety of music. When I'm not working, I play a lot of video games (PC). I play music on occasion too.
I am on a weight loss journey. I lost 30 lbs so far and I'm looking to lose more. I am a bit overweight currently but I'm actively working to fix that. I would love motivation and support as I work towards my goals.
I'm looking for someone with patience and empathy. If we fight, I want to talk about things. I don't like making people guess how I feel. I'm big on communication. I am extremely loyal and I love giving my partner attention. I want to find my forever person. I'm not picky about height or looks. I just want someone who will actually love me for me. I don't mind relocating in the future as I work remotely. I'd like a real relationship and work towards closing the distance in a reasonable time. If you're physically active that would be a plus because working out and keeping each other accountable would be nice. It's not required though. I like family oriented men. I don't smoke. I drink on occasion. I don't currently have any kids but would like some. It's not a deal breaker for me if you don't want kids. Also if you have kids already that's great too. I like people who are funny. I love listening to the stories of others. It would be nice if you also played video games so we could play together but if not that's okay too!
I want to find something real so I'm not looking to rush into anything. I want to take time to get to know you and how you tick. I want to develop a friendship first and connect on a deeper level.
If you made it this far and you're still interested then dm me your favorite song. Let's get to know each other <3
submitted by s-n-0-m to r4r [link] [comments]
I'm just a woman living on the west coast in the US. I am working full time but taking some time off soon. I love watching movies and tv shows. I like anime and kdramas. I listen to a variety of music. When I'm not working, I play a lot of video games (PC). I play music on occasion too.
I am on a weight loss journey. I lost 30 lbs so far and I'm looking to lose more. I am a bit overweight currently but I'm actively working to fix that. I would love motivation and support as I work towards my goals.
I'm looking for someone with patience and empathy. If we fight, I want to talk about things. I don't like making people guess how I feel. I'm big on communication. I am extremely loyal and I love giving my partner attention. I want to find my forever person. I'm not picky about height or looks. I just want someone who will actually love me for me. I don't mind relocating in the future as I work remotely. I'd like a real relationship and work towards closing the distance in a reasonable time. If you're physically active that would be a plus because working out and keeping each other accountable would be nice. It's not required though. I like family oriented men. I don't smoke. I drink on occasion. I don't currently have any kids but would like some. It's not a deal breaker for me if you don't want kids. Also if you have kids already that's great too. I like people who are funny. I love listening to the stories of others. It would be nice if you also played video games so we could play together but if not that's okay too!
I want to find something real so I'm not looking to rush into anything. I want to take time to get to know you and how you tick. I want to develop a friendship first and connect on a deeper level.
If you made it this far and you're still interested then dm me your favorite song. Let's get to know each other <3
2024.06.09 19:27 kelso42069 30 pounds down!
 | being vulnerable and wanted to share some progress photos- i've been on zepbound since the middle of february. started on 2.5 for the first month and was on 5 until last month. the shortage got me so instead of increasing my dose i went back down to 2.5. still losing on 2.5! slowly but surely. submitted by kelso42069 to Zepbound [link] [comments] i'm 5ft tall and weighed in at 179 this morning. crazy to think that this medicine has helped me lose 30 pounds! i've been on a weight loss journey for about three years and this actually made a difference. my routine and diet is mostly the same as it's been over the past three years. hw- 218 sw- 210 cw- 179 |
2024.06.09 19:26 Fluffy_Insect_6819 Meals
Are there any diets or meal plans you follow that has helped along with Ozempic to lose the weight?
submitted by Fluffy_Insect_6819 to OzempicForWeightLoss [link] [comments]
2024.06.09 19:22 M_McCoy5 unable to eat due to stress
Hello all, I have recently lost about 30 pounds going from 210 to 180.
The weight loss was kick-started in February when I stopped eating out of stress as I prepared to take the Bar Exam. I was and am concerned about this, I have never had disordered eating issues before, and I spoke to my doctor and she said that not eating when under stress is pretty normal and that I should just try to eat anything I can stomach.
There were very few things I could stomach and for about 3 weeks i couldn’t eat much more than coffee with milk. Occasionally I could stomach some things, like randomly I would get a craving so I would immediately go buy and eat that thing because I was scared the craving was going to go away.
The day after the Bar my appetite was back like nothing had ever happened. The only difference was that I was about 190 pounds and my stomach had shrunk. While my appetite was normal, I was (and still am) unable to eat as large of volume as I once could. Which is probably a good thing, as I certainly wasn’t eating an appropriate number of calories before all of this went down.
Post bar, I fell in love with Pilates and for the first time in a long time started working out again. I go 3-4 times a week and I absolutely love it.
Here’s my problem now. I do like being in a thinner, healthier body. What I do not like is how I got here. I am studying for the Bar again as I did not pass in February because i literally didn’t feed myself enough calories for my brain to function, and I am so fucking scared this is going to happen again.
I am a woman, 5’11”, and I’d say I live a mildly active lifestyle (desk job). I currently eat about 1600-1800 calories a day, it’s not a massive deficit, but it is a deficit for my body type. I don’t count calories, I just eat what I want when I want, so that’s an estimate. I eat very little processed food now that I’m back living with my mom so that’s also contributing to the weight loss. But I do think I need to be eating more especially in the protein department.
One of the few things I have always been able to stomach is coffee and milk so my thoughts are that I could start putting protein powder or something in my coffee? Does anyone have any good recommendations?
(Like for increasing protein in general, I don’t eat much meat so that creates another hurdle, also forcing myself to choke down food will not work, I will not be able to keep it down)
submitted by M_McCoy5 to WeightLossAdvice [link] [comments]
The weight loss was kick-started in February when I stopped eating out of stress as I prepared to take the Bar Exam. I was and am concerned about this, I have never had disordered eating issues before, and I spoke to my doctor and she said that not eating when under stress is pretty normal and that I should just try to eat anything I can stomach.
There were very few things I could stomach and for about 3 weeks i couldn’t eat much more than coffee with milk. Occasionally I could stomach some things, like randomly I would get a craving so I would immediately go buy and eat that thing because I was scared the craving was going to go away.
The day after the Bar my appetite was back like nothing had ever happened. The only difference was that I was about 190 pounds and my stomach had shrunk. While my appetite was normal, I was (and still am) unable to eat as large of volume as I once could. Which is probably a good thing, as I certainly wasn’t eating an appropriate number of calories before all of this went down.
Post bar, I fell in love with Pilates and for the first time in a long time started working out again. I go 3-4 times a week and I absolutely love it.
Here’s my problem now. I do like being in a thinner, healthier body. What I do not like is how I got here. I am studying for the Bar again as I did not pass in February because i literally didn’t feed myself enough calories for my brain to function, and I am so fucking scared this is going to happen again.
I am a woman, 5’11”, and I’d say I live a mildly active lifestyle (desk job). I currently eat about 1600-1800 calories a day, it’s not a massive deficit, but it is a deficit for my body type. I don’t count calories, I just eat what I want when I want, so that’s an estimate. I eat very little processed food now that I’m back living with my mom so that’s also contributing to the weight loss. But I do think I need to be eating more especially in the protein department.
One of the few things I have always been able to stomach is coffee and milk so my thoughts are that I could start putting protein powder or something in my coffee? Does anyone have any good recommendations?
(Like for increasing protein in general, I don’t eat much meat so that creates another hurdle, also forcing myself to choke down food will not work, I will not be able to keep it down)
2024.06.09 19:20 Mysterious-Tax6229 Can too much stress & anxiety & always sleeping late cause rapid weight loss? even though eat a lot..
submitted by Mysterious-Tax6229 to Anxiety [link] [comments]
2024.06.09 19:19 Dazzling_Height644 She had to answer us 🤣
 | submitted by Dazzling_Height644 to KyleaGomezsnark [link] [comments] |
2024.06.09 19:16 cydonia8388 Please take a look at my resume. I’ve been applying and haven’t had much luck getting interviews
I’ve been applying to different jobs, and haven’t had an awful amount of luck.
More about me: Been at the same large insurance company for 12 years, in various roles. Many of the job title changes have been due to promotions.
I’ve been applying to roles similar to what I do know, Operational Risk Management, in various industries. I’ve had a couple interviews, but my resume doesn’t seem to be sticking. Any advice?
I’ve tried to quantify things too, but that can be hard in my role (for example how do you quantify amounts of risk?)
submitted by cydonia8388 to resumes [link] [comments]
More about me: Been at the same large insurance company for 12 years, in various roles. Many of the job title changes have been due to promotions.
I’ve been applying to roles similar to what I do know, Operational Risk Management, in various industries. I’ve had a couple interviews, but my resume doesn’t seem to be sticking. Any advice?
I’ve tried to quantify things too, but that can be hard in my role (for example how do you quantify amounts of risk?)
2024.06.09 19:14 Bulky_Jackfruit_4479 Anyone else notice she is gaining weight
I mean I still think she looks okay for her height but she’s definitely not as fit looking as she did at one point. Her weight loss method was not sustainable coupled with her boyfriends shitting eating habits and essentially enabling her to binge it looks like it’s slowly coming back. Not sure how she will manage this in Minnesota considering every time she went back to visit family she ate HORRIBLY.
submitted by Bulky_Jackfruit_4479 to hopeschwingsnark [link] [comments]
2024.06.09 19:14 retardbae Need Help with Weight Loss and Fitness - 18M, 90kgs, Preparing for Important Exam
Hi everyone,
I'm an 18-year-old male student and I really need your help. My whole life, I've been bullied for my weight. I weigh 90kgs and I'm about 5'9"/5'10". This has affected my confidence and performance in everything I do. My family and cousins often tease me about my looks, calling me "uncle." I've joined the gym several times but never managed to stay consistent for more than a week or two. I have no control over my diet and often feel hopeless. Now, I'm preparing for an exam where my fitness will be tested, and I feel like they'll kick me out just by looking at me.
Recently, I was diagnosed with ADHD and OCD by my psychiatrist, and my mental health isn't very good. I think going to the gym will help me get better. Additionally, I struggle with strong urges to eat junk food and have no idea how to control these cravings. I'm a heavy smoker, smoking 3-4 times a day, and I know it's terrible for my health, but I can't seem to stop. Porn and masturbation are also significant problems for me and I feel like I'm wasting my teenage years on these habits.
This is my last chance to turn things around. My career depends on it. I need practical advice from experienced people on how to get lean and lose fat within this year. What should my daily gym routine look like, especially since I can't go to the gym every day? I need a simple, practical diet plan that doesn't stress my mom with special meals. How much weight should I aim to lose per month, and how do I track my progress daily? Realistically, how long will it take to see significant fat loss?
I’m really committed to making this change and would appreciate any guidance, tips, or personal experiences you can share. Thanks in advance.
submitted by retardbae to Fitness_India [link] [comments]
I'm an 18-year-old male student and I really need your help. My whole life, I've been bullied for my weight. I weigh 90kgs and I'm about 5'9"/5'10". This has affected my confidence and performance in everything I do. My family and cousins often tease me about my looks, calling me "uncle." I've joined the gym several times but never managed to stay consistent for more than a week or two. I have no control over my diet and often feel hopeless. Now, I'm preparing for an exam where my fitness will be tested, and I feel like they'll kick me out just by looking at me.
Recently, I was diagnosed with ADHD and OCD by my psychiatrist, and my mental health isn't very good. I think going to the gym will help me get better. Additionally, I struggle with strong urges to eat junk food and have no idea how to control these cravings. I'm a heavy smoker, smoking 3-4 times a day, and I know it's terrible for my health, but I can't seem to stop. Porn and masturbation are also significant problems for me and I feel like I'm wasting my teenage years on these habits.
This is my last chance to turn things around. My career depends on it. I need practical advice from experienced people on how to get lean and lose fat within this year. What should my daily gym routine look like, especially since I can't go to the gym every day? I need a simple, practical diet plan that doesn't stress my mom with special meals. How much weight should I aim to lose per month, and how do I track my progress daily? Realistically, how long will it take to see significant fat loss?
I’m really committed to making this change and would appreciate any guidance, tips, or personal experiences you can share. Thanks in advance.
2024.06.09 19:13 NotTheMyth Working toward an active lifestyle
I have never been a regular exerciser. I know that being active earlier in life sets the stage for graceful aging, and now that I’m mid 30s I’m feeling like my excuse that there will always be time in the future is losing ground. I’m currently able bodied with some back pain from past injury and not interested in anything that centers weight loss as a goal.
In general it’s hard for me to stick to routines, and frankly the idea of going to a gym is both overwhelming and boring. The times I have been successful in keeping up somewhat regular activity have been very low barrier to entry activities (like doing short runs where I just have to put on shoes and go) or highly engaging things (like xc skiing/climbing with friends when I lived where those things were readily available) or regularly scheduled things (like a dance class near my office). None of these things ever quite make it to a thing that is fully integrated into my life, like cooking, or taking care of my dog or my plants, or seeing friends, and I’ve always fallen off of doing them.
I know there are a million “how to start an exercise routine” articles and most of them don’t really say anything other than “just start one!”, which isn’t helpful. Also, I’m not really interested in starting an “exercise routine” at all. I’m hoping for ways to make active movement a regular part of my life, which may be an exercise routine, or may be something else. Plus, I’m especially interested in the angle of setting a baseline level of activity in my life that is sustainable over years.
I think a lot of active people are motivated by competition or tracking metrics, but I’m not competitive at all at numbers don’t really stick with me in a meaningful way. I think incremental progress is meaningful to me, like “last year I did this and it was hard, and this year it was easier” or something.
I would love to hear how regular movement has impacted your life, or how you were able to get yourself to start moving regularly. I think just writing this post has been helpful and am grateful for any conversation folks are willing to have around this!
submitted by NotTheMyth to AskWomenOver30 [link] [comments]
In general it’s hard for me to stick to routines, and frankly the idea of going to a gym is both overwhelming and boring. The times I have been successful in keeping up somewhat regular activity have been very low barrier to entry activities (like doing short runs where I just have to put on shoes and go) or highly engaging things (like xc skiing/climbing with friends when I lived where those things were readily available) or regularly scheduled things (like a dance class near my office). None of these things ever quite make it to a thing that is fully integrated into my life, like cooking, or taking care of my dog or my plants, or seeing friends, and I’ve always fallen off of doing them.
I know there are a million “how to start an exercise routine” articles and most of them don’t really say anything other than “just start one!”, which isn’t helpful. Also, I’m not really interested in starting an “exercise routine” at all. I’m hoping for ways to make active movement a regular part of my life, which may be an exercise routine, or may be something else. Plus, I’m especially interested in the angle of setting a baseline level of activity in my life that is sustainable over years.
I think a lot of active people are motivated by competition or tracking metrics, but I’m not competitive at all at numbers don’t really stick with me in a meaningful way. I think incremental progress is meaningful to me, like “last year I did this and it was hard, and this year it was easier” or something.
I would love to hear how regular movement has impacted your life, or how you were able to get yourself to start moving regularly. I think just writing this post has been helpful and am grateful for any conversation folks are willing to have around this!
2024.06.09 19:12 MindMeldMaster2024 Wegovy and similar bought online.
Hey guys!
I've been thinking about buying weight loss medication online for a while now.
My GP wouldn't give me a prescription even though I'm eligible, so I'm thinking of buying it online.
Do you think the online pharmacy will tell my GP? I really don't want him to find out.
Can anyone help me out with this? Thanks!
submitted by MindMeldMaster2024 to WegovyWeightLoss [link] [comments]
I've been thinking about buying weight loss medication online for a while now.
My GP wouldn't give me a prescription even though I'm eligible, so I'm thinking of buying it online.
Do you think the online pharmacy will tell my GP? I really don't want him to find out.
Can anyone help me out with this? Thanks!
2024.06.09 19:12 Ramona_Kinz This is why I’m pro choice
Hi. I’m not gonna share my actual identity here as I can be held legally accountable for what I’m gonna say. But you can call me by my preferred name, Ramona. I am making this post to share my story. I had a late term abortion. I medically had to. To speed up my pregnancy loss And stop my baby’s suffering And I want my story to be heard. So no more humans have to suffer like I did. Just to clarify, I am pro choice. Through and through. Completely. I was not planning to have an abortion personally. But if someone decides to have an abortion, I’m going to support them. I personally wanted my future baby. I always dreamed of having a child. I didn’t know I was pregnant until I started having signs of pregnancy loss. I started having contact in the middle of the night. That day my body felt strange all day but I didn’t think it would be because of THIS. I tried to tell my mom (for clarification, I’m 23 but I’m autistic and mentally ill and still live with my mother) She told me it was probably just an upset stomach I went and lied down. All through the night I suffered through contractions. The next morning I begged my mom to bring me to the hospital. I still at this point didn’t realize it was a pregnancy loss. I didn’t know I was pregnant at all. Looking back I should have known at least a bit. But oh well. Too late now. When we got to the hospital, I started realizing. This is a pregnancy loss. I’m losing my baby. My mom tried denying it since we didn’t know I was pregnant before. Maybe it was something I ate?? We went in the back and I took a pregnancy test for the doctor. I begged God (I’m a Christian witch) I begged Him …DONT LET ME LOSE MY CHILD. I want this child. Please don’t do this. I always feared the possibility of a pregnancy loss but I always told myself it would never happen to me. It was and still is my worst fear. The doctor came back to me. When he knew no one else was there. He was very hushed. “Your test are fine. But I’m gonna give you some medicine” I now realize he lied that I wasn’t pregnant for my safety. Because now, looking back, I was at the point where my baby had a heartbeat. And legally in my state (Louisiana), I wouldn’t legally be able to take the medication he gave me. He gave me mifepristone and misoprostol Legally in my state, I could have gotten in big trouble for taking it He didn’t have a choice but to do it quickly and quietly to stop me and my baby’s suffering He couldn’t tell me Without risking legal consequences for him AND me And I went home, and later gave birth to my baby. In the toilet All alone. I don’t wish this on anyone else. I have so much trauma from this now. But I’m thankful the doctor did what he did. Because it stopped my baby’s suffering. And this is why I’m pro choice. I don’t want any human on this earth to go through what i went through. Or worse, not get a doctor who helps them. Instead getting a doctor who lets them suffer because of congress not allowing safe access to abortion. I do not wish that on anyone. My baby, Isa, gained their wings 1/5/2024. They are always in my heart. And I miss them. But I’m glad they’re not suffering. Please share my story And let’s get congress to realize, you’re not saving lives. You’re not. Not one. All that’s done by stopping access to abortion is stopping access to SAFE abortion. And making people suffer. And taking our rights. Don’t let anyone else suffer like I did. Thank you to the doctors like this one. Who help humans in need of abortions no matter the reason given. Stay safe. I love you Isa.
submitted by Ramona_Kinz to prochoice [link] [comments]
2024.06.09 19:12 itzcoatl82 Rant: I have been calculating my TDEE wrong for a while and I just realized it
So, i (F42) haven’t measured my height since college….and somewhere during that time, the shrinkage of aging kicked in. I used to be 5 ’3.75”….yesterday at a friend’s house, were were noticing that her kid had a growth spurt. Her kid is now 5” 2.25” and as tall as me. We measured twice. I went home and had my partner measure me against the door frame. And yeah, I am shorter now.
Which would explain why the results of my CICO efforts weren’t quite matching the math. That 300ish calorie difference is enough to throw everything off.
So yeah, this is fucking fantastic. Now I get to eat EVEN LESS. And as a fun bonus, I recalculated my BMI and I am back in the obese category.
I am so discouraged. Weight loss has always been a huge struggle due to PCOS and hypothyroid….over the last 2 years I have worked so hard to go from 185 to 155, then over the holidays I got relaxed and gained back 10…so now not only am I fatter for My height than i thought, bit need to cut back even more. I could cry.
And yes, I know weight lifting makes a huge difference so i will be ramping up my routine….but damn i hate this.
submitted by itzcoatl82 to loseit [link] [comments]
Which would explain why the results of my CICO efforts weren’t quite matching the math. That 300ish calorie difference is enough to throw everything off.
So yeah, this is fucking fantastic. Now I get to eat EVEN LESS. And as a fun bonus, I recalculated my BMI and I am back in the obese category.
I am so discouraged. Weight loss has always been a huge struggle due to PCOS and hypothyroid….over the last 2 years I have worked so hard to go from 185 to 155, then over the holidays I got relaxed and gained back 10…so now not only am I fatter for My height than i thought, bit need to cut back even more. I could cry.
And yes, I know weight lifting makes a huge difference so i will be ramping up my routine….but damn i hate this.
2024.06.09 19:12 Automatic-Match-6895 My talking stage ditched on me when I got ready for him, cancelled all my plans for him and waited for him for 5 HOURS!
I have been talking to this guy for almost a month now, we met up two times so far and he lives one hour away from me in another city so that’s why we don’t see each other on a daily but he came to my city two times just to see me and we had a good time every time we saw each other but before yesterday we were supposed to see each other. He was already drinking before I was going to go to him so he apparently kept sleeping and I was waiting for him until the time we were going to see each other so I got ready for him because I was confident about seeing him since every time he says we’re gonna see each other it happens so I got ready for him.
I canceled all my plans for him because I don’t usually get to see him on a daily. I was video calling my friends to waste some time waiting for him, so I was waiting waiting waiting for four hours. I was still on a video call with my friends and I was like where the f is this guy and then two more hours I’m like you know what I’m gonna sleep so the next day he’s like oh I was asleep but he’s been saying that three times and the first time I was waiting for him answer he apparently fell asleep and then as soon as he texted me, I straight away answered, and then he ignored me for another four hours and then he’s like sorry babe I slept again and I was a bit suspicious but the next day I decided to forgive him because I give people two chances, So the next day he said “I’m probably gonna stay in your city for another night, can you please see me” and I was like if you’re not gonna do the same thing again then I will and then he called me so many times that day and then he kept saying I promised you 1000% I’m gonna see you blah blah blah.
And then I believed that I was like OK whatever I didn’t believe it but I did believe it I don’t really trust people, but I was like OK maybe this time and I can’t be assuming because I don’t like assuming so I got ready and before I got ready. I was like OK so we’re hundred percent seeing each other and then he was like yeah and then I asked him should I get ready then he said yeah get ready for now then when I was getting ready and all I went on another video call with my friends to waste time and then two hours went by I was like I hope this guy is not doing this thing again so I was like let me just give it an hour and an hour passes by nothing so I decided to call him and he didn’t answer me.
he just texted me. He was like listen, I’m going to sort out some things and go to this place before I see you. and then I said OK I’m waiting then another hour passes, NO CONTACT AT ALL and then I told him listen. I’m calling you again because I’m about to fall asleep. It is getting so late and it was 4 AM like can you imagine that? he was like yeah it’s because I’m in another city that’s why the I was like what why didn’t you tell me then he said because I couldn’t stay on the call with you for longer I’ll tell you what I was doing later and I just like said all right whatever I don’t care I actually don’t give a fuck, like this shit didn’t rlly hurt me but at the same time I feel disrespected because I love myself, I cannot let anyone disrespect me like this so of course I am going to get mad a little bit but at the same time it’s his loss.
I’m gonna move on. I blocked him, but I just wanted to rant about this disgusting behavior and the final thing that happened was that he ended up ghosting me until now he didn’t text me not a single text so I blocked him but I saw him online on another app like eight hours ago while I was waiting for him to text me. but yeah, anyways I don’t think anyone is stupid enough to believe that someone would be sleeping three times in a span of 12 hours in their vacation. but I just decided to give him another chance to see what’s gonna happen and he ended up doing worse.
submitted by Automatic-Match-6895 to confession [link] [comments]
I canceled all my plans for him because I don’t usually get to see him on a daily. I was video calling my friends to waste some time waiting for him, so I was waiting waiting waiting for four hours. I was still on a video call with my friends and I was like where the f is this guy and then two more hours I’m like you know what I’m gonna sleep so the next day he’s like oh I was asleep but he’s been saying that three times and the first time I was waiting for him answer he apparently fell asleep and then as soon as he texted me, I straight away answered, and then he ignored me for another four hours and then he’s like sorry babe I slept again and I was a bit suspicious but the next day I decided to forgive him because I give people two chances, So the next day he said “I’m probably gonna stay in your city for another night, can you please see me” and I was like if you’re not gonna do the same thing again then I will and then he called me so many times that day and then he kept saying I promised you 1000% I’m gonna see you blah blah blah.
And then I believed that I was like OK whatever I didn’t believe it but I did believe it I don’t really trust people, but I was like OK maybe this time and I can’t be assuming because I don’t like assuming so I got ready and before I got ready. I was like OK so we’re hundred percent seeing each other and then he was like yeah and then I asked him should I get ready then he said yeah get ready for now then when I was getting ready and all I went on another video call with my friends to waste time and then two hours went by I was like I hope this guy is not doing this thing again so I was like let me just give it an hour and an hour passes by nothing so I decided to call him and he didn’t answer me.
he just texted me. He was like listen, I’m going to sort out some things and go to this place before I see you. and then I said OK I’m waiting then another hour passes, NO CONTACT AT ALL and then I told him listen. I’m calling you again because I’m about to fall asleep. It is getting so late and it was 4 AM like can you imagine that? he was like yeah it’s because I’m in another city that’s why the I was like what why didn’t you tell me then he said because I couldn’t stay on the call with you for longer I’ll tell you what I was doing later and I just like said all right whatever I don’t care I actually don’t give a fuck, like this shit didn’t rlly hurt me but at the same time I feel disrespected because I love myself, I cannot let anyone disrespect me like this so of course I am going to get mad a little bit but at the same time it’s his loss.
I’m gonna move on. I blocked him, but I just wanted to rant about this disgusting behavior and the final thing that happened was that he ended up ghosting me until now he didn’t text me not a single text so I blocked him but I saw him online on another app like eight hours ago while I was waiting for him to text me. but yeah, anyways I don’t think anyone is stupid enough to believe that someone would be sleeping three times in a span of 12 hours in their vacation. but I just decided to give him another chance to see what’s gonna happen and he ended up doing worse.
2024.06.09 19:09 Ok-Low9127 Is my(28F) sex life doomed with him? (35M)
I’m (28F) losing my drive, sexually frustrated and disappointed. I know this is long but please what does a woman do from here?? I’ve never been in a relationship where my drive is higher
We’ve been together 2.5 years. We have sex maybe once a month, twice If I’m lucky. Ive always been very attracted to my boyfriend and he meets my emotional needs. I’ve always had a higher sex drive than him. The frequency and quality has been a constant throughout our relationships which is not often and not for long. He has gotten better but still cannot last more than a few minutes and sometimes goes soft between positions or never gets hard at all when I touch him unless I specifically say something about being in the mood. I didn’t have any issues at first because I really just thought it would take time to explore that together and “practice” for lack of a better. I also honestly thought that when I moved in with him and we saw each other more it would improve then also.
I have brought up the conversation of sex multiple times, first asking if he wasn’t attracted to me or if it didn’t feel good (his response was that it has nothing to do with attraction, he finds me sexy, but that he has performance anxiety, and intimidation from maybe lack of experience. ) I try to be very mindful of my responses to not make the situation worse bu also ask questions to understand better or figure out how we can solve it.
I know what I like and have shared that with him ( more foreplay, different positions to try, I like when the man leads, blindfold/handcuffs ect) and guide him if needed. When I ask him what he likes or what turns him on ( because every relationship is different) I was always met with an almost shy “I don’t know, it all feels good”
Another time I brought it up he said something along the lines of having Low T, he isn’t active because he has a desk job and hasn’t been working out and is more focused on finances so sex isn’t a priority. Understandable, he honestly is in survival mode more and more each year with pay cuts from switching jobs in this economy and job market.
I have bought different lubes, toys, Viagra ( which he was open to and we’ve tried it only once and we both thought it was great. I thought wow this might actually really help pick things up off the ground. I’ve since suggested a few times we try it again, but he hasn’t
He has made comments at the end of the day when we are laying in bed out of the blue “ I know you want sexy time together but I’m so tired, I’ll get you tomorrow” and never does. I’ve worn lingerie a few times spontaneously and set the mood and while that very obviously sets the night up I would love it if he also took charge and made me feel desired/wanted.
This sounds like I’m an overly sexual person but I’m not nor do I really have sexual trauma either. I don’t think I’m vanilla either, I have C/D cup breast and a pretty good ass too. I’m 5’2, 150ish lbs currently. Probably gained like 20 pounds during our relationships so Im a little over weight in my mid section but definitely not very fat or obese. I make bomb ass food for us, I work full time standing on my feet all day long, I pay all my own bills, I pay a little “ rent” every month, I contribute with groceries and house things and going out to eat, I go to therapy, I work on myself and try to communicate my needs, I’ve been vulnerable with him and opened my heart up. I support him in whatever he wants to do even his expensive hobbies, we tend the dog, chickens, housework/yard work together, I tell him thank you and that I appreciate him often, we have traveled a bit to different states and a few countries together. We try to make each others life easier and better with little things throughout the day/week. We compliment each other, and outside the bedrooms he is the masculine man that I love, he is assertive and confident and does provide a lot and is pretty attentive and kind and wants to make me happy but this area of our life I feel helpless and stuck. I love him and want to connect, it’s a natural and important aspect of any romantic relationship.
I would be thrilled if we could be intimate once a week but it’s been once a month maybe twice a month for a while now.
He has gone down on me once with oral ( 3ish months ago) and I’ve given him oral twice since. I waited to do so because I was already feeling one sided and I know it sounds silly but BJ’s is the one area that kind of intimidate me. But I actually loved it and after the first time I bought flavored lube to try out and shared my pleasure about it with him and he was of course happy also.
In between all this, last fall he made a wierd comment while I was rubbing him down that it would feel good to get a ball massage for like an hour, not sexually just like a back massage but for your balls. . Well alarm bells went off immediately and a few weeks later I was looking at his text messages and he had recently messaged an escort asking about services and what her schedule was like. He never responded to the last message and they never set a date and time. I brought it up to him and said I’m not proud I looked at your phone but I had a hunch and it was right. I shared how hurt I was especially because I’ve been actively trying to improve ours and communicate about it and he messages a fucking escort. I told him that I’m not okay with that at all, that to me it’s a form of cheating and I feel betrayed. I asked if they ever met up and he said No I would be too nervous to actually do anything, it was just a thrill of excitement. About a month later I walked into his office one night and he was actively watching porn. I stood there for a second while he scrambled and was embarrassed. I turned around and went back to bed. I was shocked because I didn’t think he was watching porn ( My ex husband had a porn problem and I’ve shared this with him, but with my ex he was more aggressive and was always hard/high sex drive so I was naive to think he didn’t watch porn when our sex life sucks and he doesn’t seem interested)
like what the hell? I’m literally right here in front of you a real person who WANTS to???
I believe he probably uses Reddit for porn. Whether it’s when he is in the bathroom on the toilet for 30 min at 4am or 8am or 8pm I don’t know it doesn’t really matter but it’s not helping and out sex life that’s already tanking and I don’t think he cares. He says he wants to make me happy and he is aware of my needs but nothing changes and I want to feel desired or like the man I’m dating is not just a glorified roommate. I don’t think I would care if he uses pork on his own if our sex life was better, but I hate it because he obviously uses that to get his needs instead of connecting.
Last weekend I was so frustrated, I was reading Gottmans book about Intamcy and took what I was reading later when we were talking about plans for dinner and I flirtatiously said what if we spent some time together tonight to nourish our bodies;) He got the message and said don’t worry about fter dinner tonight we’ll spend time together. I made dinner, we watched a show together, he went upstairs to finish some work so I was getting ready for bed and he never came to bed. It was like 11pm or 1am I don’t remember and he said In so sorry I had some work to catch up on but we will in the morning ( He was leaving the following day for a work trip) we never did in the morning either. He left, came home a few days later for one day, left again for a few days during which I was also out of town for 2 days. I got home and since then he has been extra sweet and kind, we had some intimate time together which I loved and at the ends his same response is always “ I thought I had it this time, I really thought I was going to last longer but it feels too good”
This isn’t a case of lack of communication either, I don’t make him read my mind about anything but dammit I’m tired of asking for it, being the one to bring it up, the one to imitated the interest, but if I don’t it’s like he is clueless and satisfied anyways from porn. Do we go to therapy? Do I cut my loses and nove on? Is porn not the problem??
submitted by Ok-Low9127 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
We’ve been together 2.5 years. We have sex maybe once a month, twice If I’m lucky. Ive always been very attracted to my boyfriend and he meets my emotional needs. I’ve always had a higher sex drive than him. The frequency and quality has been a constant throughout our relationships which is not often and not for long. He has gotten better but still cannot last more than a few minutes and sometimes goes soft between positions or never gets hard at all when I touch him unless I specifically say something about being in the mood. I didn’t have any issues at first because I really just thought it would take time to explore that together and “practice” for lack of a better. I also honestly thought that when I moved in with him and we saw each other more it would improve then also.
I have brought up the conversation of sex multiple times, first asking if he wasn’t attracted to me or if it didn’t feel good (his response was that it has nothing to do with attraction, he finds me sexy, but that he has performance anxiety, and intimidation from maybe lack of experience. ) I try to be very mindful of my responses to not make the situation worse bu also ask questions to understand better or figure out how we can solve it.
I know what I like and have shared that with him ( more foreplay, different positions to try, I like when the man leads, blindfold/handcuffs ect) and guide him if needed. When I ask him what he likes or what turns him on ( because every relationship is different) I was always met with an almost shy “I don’t know, it all feels good”
Another time I brought it up he said something along the lines of having Low T, he isn’t active because he has a desk job and hasn’t been working out and is more focused on finances so sex isn’t a priority. Understandable, he honestly is in survival mode more and more each year with pay cuts from switching jobs in this economy and job market.
I have bought different lubes, toys, Viagra ( which he was open to and we’ve tried it only once and we both thought it was great. I thought wow this might actually really help pick things up off the ground. I’ve since suggested a few times we try it again, but he hasn’t
He has made comments at the end of the day when we are laying in bed out of the blue “ I know you want sexy time together but I’m so tired, I’ll get you tomorrow” and never does. I’ve worn lingerie a few times spontaneously and set the mood and while that very obviously sets the night up I would love it if he also took charge and made me feel desired/wanted.
This sounds like I’m an overly sexual person but I’m not nor do I really have sexual trauma either. I don’t think I’m vanilla either, I have C/D cup breast and a pretty good ass too. I’m 5’2, 150ish lbs currently. Probably gained like 20 pounds during our relationships so Im a little over weight in my mid section but definitely not very fat or obese. I make bomb ass food for us, I work full time standing on my feet all day long, I pay all my own bills, I pay a little “ rent” every month, I contribute with groceries and house things and going out to eat, I go to therapy, I work on myself and try to communicate my needs, I’ve been vulnerable with him and opened my heart up. I support him in whatever he wants to do even his expensive hobbies, we tend the dog, chickens, housework/yard work together, I tell him thank you and that I appreciate him often, we have traveled a bit to different states and a few countries together. We try to make each others life easier and better with little things throughout the day/week. We compliment each other, and outside the bedrooms he is the masculine man that I love, he is assertive and confident and does provide a lot and is pretty attentive and kind and wants to make me happy but this area of our life I feel helpless and stuck. I love him and want to connect, it’s a natural and important aspect of any romantic relationship.
I would be thrilled if we could be intimate once a week but it’s been once a month maybe twice a month for a while now.
He has gone down on me once with oral ( 3ish months ago) and I’ve given him oral twice since. I waited to do so because I was already feeling one sided and I know it sounds silly but BJ’s is the one area that kind of intimidate me. But I actually loved it and after the first time I bought flavored lube to try out and shared my pleasure about it with him and he was of course happy also.
In between all this, last fall he made a wierd comment while I was rubbing him down that it would feel good to get a ball massage for like an hour, not sexually just like a back massage but for your balls. . Well alarm bells went off immediately and a few weeks later I was looking at his text messages and he had recently messaged an escort asking about services and what her schedule was like. He never responded to the last message and they never set a date and time. I brought it up to him and said I’m not proud I looked at your phone but I had a hunch and it was right. I shared how hurt I was especially because I’ve been actively trying to improve ours and communicate about it and he messages a fucking escort. I told him that I’m not okay with that at all, that to me it’s a form of cheating and I feel betrayed. I asked if they ever met up and he said No I would be too nervous to actually do anything, it was just a thrill of excitement. About a month later I walked into his office one night and he was actively watching porn. I stood there for a second while he scrambled and was embarrassed. I turned around and went back to bed. I was shocked because I didn’t think he was watching porn ( My ex husband had a porn problem and I’ve shared this with him, but with my ex he was more aggressive and was always hard/high sex drive so I was naive to think he didn’t watch porn when our sex life sucks and he doesn’t seem interested)
like what the hell? I’m literally right here in front of you a real person who WANTS to???
I believe he probably uses Reddit for porn. Whether it’s when he is in the bathroom on the toilet for 30 min at 4am or 8am or 8pm I don’t know it doesn’t really matter but it’s not helping and out sex life that’s already tanking and I don’t think he cares. He says he wants to make me happy and he is aware of my needs but nothing changes and I want to feel desired or like the man I’m dating is not just a glorified roommate. I don’t think I would care if he uses pork on his own if our sex life was better, but I hate it because he obviously uses that to get his needs instead of connecting.
Last weekend I was so frustrated, I was reading Gottmans book about Intamcy and took what I was reading later when we were talking about plans for dinner and I flirtatiously said what if we spent some time together tonight to nourish our bodies;) He got the message and said don’t worry about fter dinner tonight we’ll spend time together. I made dinner, we watched a show together, he went upstairs to finish some work so I was getting ready for bed and he never came to bed. It was like 11pm or 1am I don’t remember and he said In so sorry I had some work to catch up on but we will in the morning ( He was leaving the following day for a work trip) we never did in the morning either. He left, came home a few days later for one day, left again for a few days during which I was also out of town for 2 days. I got home and since then he has been extra sweet and kind, we had some intimate time together which I loved and at the ends his same response is always “ I thought I had it this time, I really thought I was going to last longer but it feels too good”
This isn’t a case of lack of communication either, I don’t make him read my mind about anything but dammit I’m tired of asking for it, being the one to bring it up, the one to imitated the interest, but if I don’t it’s like he is clueless and satisfied anyways from porn. Do we go to therapy? Do I cut my loses and nove on? Is porn not the problem??
2024.06.09 19:06 Current-Valuable-381 Head tilt off balance
 | I have a domestic short hair black cat who is 15 years old. She has been diagnosed with kidney not working few years ago, she was always able to jump on chairs and bed and would nap there . This past month she has lost alot of appetite and lost alot of weight, she's now 2.6 kg and eats half what she use to. submitted by Current-Valuable-381 to RenalCats [link] [comments] We noticed about 2 weeks ago she had a slight limp but then it followed with a slight head tilt .we took her to vet and they said tye weight loss must be related to her kidney disease . They gave something to ease the teeth pain because they noticed some build up on the back teeth. We thought that's why she lost the weight because maybe she had some pain? But the vet said that much weight loss must be because of the kidney.. also she said one of her eyes was not responding to light , her temperature was normal. So we bring her home that same day after seeing vet (5th June. 4 days ago) We gave her the pain med she ate a bit more and was suggested to let her smell a but of catnip as that can distract her from her problems for a little 10 min, so we did that, she purred and stretched her paws out and took a nap. The next day 6th June we noticed her head tilt is alot worse and her balance is worse too. I forgot to mention , they did seem blood work when we took her for diabetes and thyroid which came back normal. So 7th June, we are all heartbroken seeing her struggle to walk and want a second opinion if it's a better option to let her rest, but it's so difficult because she purrs when eating and when being petted. We have everything on the ground floor , bed , food , litter . We feed her wet food and home cooked boiled chicken /salmon . I did an online consultation yesterday and the vet saidcats adjust to that head tilt and that the main thing is she's eating and getting around even though it's with difficulty This isn't the Softy we know , it's very heartbreaking and my mum suggest that putting her to rest is the best thing because it does not seem like that head tilt and off balance will improve? I read sometimes it improves on its own bur vet did not notice anything in her ear.. I heard that some meds could help depending what it is, but even if it is a worst case a tumour she is too old and fragile to go under anastasia anyway. If it is something simple like an infection the vet would have known ? It's not worth giving antibiotics because we don't know what it is and that can make her even more weak . I know she's been suffering with kidney disease few years but she never showed any signs of sickness until recently . My vet suggest to send a new urine sample to see how bad her kidneys are , but since there's no cure , is it worth her going another day if she's uncomfortable? Our original plan was to take her to a more local vet just a 2 min drive and let a new vet access her quality of life because making a decision, mum says that even if they say she can live with this extreme head tilt and limping , it doesn't look like she will enjoy her life and that we should put her to rest there and then (tomorrow) I feel so depressed I can't sleep and keep crying everyday .I had her since she was 3 months old and I was 19. She would always sleep the whole night with me and would position herself in the little spoon position like a person. I wish she could talk and let me know what she wants, if there's any pain I don't want to prolong any suffering for her. At the same time I don't know if I was to wait a week more if her head told would resolve :( My head is all over the place and would really appreciate others advice Many thanks |
2024.06.09 19:05 Dramatic_Stay6338 My fiancé cheated on my birthday with my best friend
Gonna cut right to the chase here we’ve been together for 7 years and engaged for 1 year(8years together). My (22m) fiancé (22f) and I went down to a party type city with a bunch of friends the weekend of my birthday, the plan was to go clubbing Friday night and then have a golf tournament the next morning at a course I’ve been wanting to play at for a long time. It’s about a 3 hour drive down so we went in the afternoon had a really nice dinner just the 2 of us and then met up at one of my friends places to start bar hopping. Once we got to the first place we all had a couple of drinks (there’s 8 of us total) and I went out for a smoke with one of my buddies girlfriend who also smoked. I had a cigarette and then came back in, well when I sat back down my fiancé freaked out at me infront of everyone saying I smelt like a disgusting pig and a bunch of other hurtful stuff. She Dosnt like when I smoke but I didn’t think she would react the way she did, this was also at about 9pm. She then ignored me until about 11pm when we got to the 3rd place of the night and she apologized and we carried on with the night. At this point I was drunk but aware of everything going on and normally I keep an eye on her cause she’s a light weight and can’t hold liquor but because of our squabble we had I wasn’t paying attention to how much she had dranken. By 1am she was visibly hammered and kept asking if my “best friend” was coming back to the hotel with us “we’re having so much fun why don’t we continue having fun at the hotel” I was taken back by this comment and decided to call an Uber and go back to the hotel, I had to carry her out of the club with the help of my “best friend” and we got into the back of the Uber she was in the middle seat and she had her hand on my lap and after about 2 mins of driving I released she was groping up between my “best friends” leg, I pulled her hand away and was shocked, she was shocked that I noticed cause she froze and my buddy just started stammering and didn’t know what to say because I had noticed. We then got back to the hotel, she asked if he was coming up stairs with us and I said no he’s going home, she asked if we should wait with him and I said no we are going to bed now. I walked her to the elevator and then said “what the fuck was that, what the fuck did I just see back there” and she just lied and tried to gaslight me into thinking I made it up I got her into bed and asked if I was crazy for what I saw and she said yes your crazy. So I walked out I just left and walked around for an hour before returning, when I returned I thought she was sleeping so I just started talking, telling her how I felt that I didn’t trust her anymore and that she betrayed me and then she just started crying and crying and crying until about 7am and she just repeated asking to go home so I drive us home in the morning, a silent 3 hour drive and she just kept crying and apologizing and I don’t know what to do, I’m avoiding her cause I can’t bare to see her face after what she did and I also can’t believe my “best friend” didn’t do anything to move her hand or say anything I’m furious at both of them but I don’t know what to do, please somebody help me out here I want to just forgive her and forget about it but I can’t it just keeps replaying in a loop in my head and I can’t stop thinking if she dose shit like that infront of me what is she doing when im gone. I don’t think she’s cheated on me before but I feel like she’d do this again with or without me there
submitted by Dramatic_Stay6338 to offmychest [link] [comments]
2024.06.09 19:05 Jcb112 Wearing Power Armor to a Magic School (83/?)
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Two items — a crystal ball, and a green leather-bound notebook — sat benignly and idly atop of the black-robed professor’s desk.
The camera lingered on them, giving them what most may see as an undeserved moment in the spotlight.
But to those that knew, to the parties invested in this controversy, this little pause and dramatic zoom-in was accompanied by a hair-raising excitement… along with an untempered nervousness for what was to come.
It definitely caused the investigative duo on the other side of the screen some pause for thought; prompting them to stand intently, pondering both the orb and the notebook.
Ilunor, as far as I could tell, was entranced by the green notebook in particular. Though it wasn’t a trance born out of any positive emotion, but instead, one of abject horror.
“Recommended Reading Materials for the Studious Student.” Sorecar announced with a steady breath, prompting Ilunor to visibly flinch in his seat, as the man reached a finger over to point at the hand-scrawled title of the leather-bound notebook. That finger soon found itself carefully manipulating its pages, opening the cover first, before turning over the internal dust-cover to reveal letters and symbols written in High Nexian, but arranged in a manner the EVI simply could not translate.
“Error: Unable to Translate. Cause: Unrecognized and/or unintelligible organization of local script-forms.”
Yet despite this, it seemed as if both Sorecar and the Apprentice were able to draw something from its otherwise senseless pages. As despite being written haphazardly, with letters and pictograms arranged in no meaningful order, they were able to still draw meaning where the EVI couldn’t.
“Within these pages lie materials for the studious student. Materials are to be found within The Library, and are to be retrieved with great haste. May you make swift work of their contents, and may those after you find only ash in your wake. Seek, unlearn, and remove from the grip of the eternal entity, that which was once a gift but is now a curse. Seek, unlearn, and remove; with the fires of your passion, oh studious student.” Sorecar read aloud, managing to read something verbatim from the nonsensical pages of the book.
Ilunor’s eyes were practically glazed over at this point, as he began bringing his cape over across his chest, tucking his legs towards his chin in the process.
“This is it.” The apprentice announced with a half-cracked smile. “Please, keep going. I’m certain your skills of appraisal far exceed my own, Professor.”
Sorecar obliged by flipping the page, turning over to two pages of complete gibberish, once again watermarked by the EVI’s error message; but proving no challenge at all for the ever-inquisitive professor.
“Section One, A Tainted Reality: A Wretched Collection of Historical Affidavits During the Reconciliation and Reformation of Otherwise Lost Realities.” Sorecar paused, before turning towards the apprentice. “It lists an entire section’s worth of books, in titles held within spatial positions with reference to their potentialities within the ever-evolving library.”
Thacea’s features visibly flinched at that revelation, but similar to the apprentice in the footage, she refused to comment. At least not for now. Her eyes however betrayed a look of mild distress, which subsided somewhat as the apprentice urged the armorer to continue.
Which he did, as he flipped from page to page across the relatively small notebook, only pausing to read in between what he interpreted to be different sections and ‘chapters’.
“Section Two. The Unspoken War and the Treacherous Alliance.”
“Section Three. All surviving works from Alaroy Rital.”
The apprentice cocked her head, as if trying to recall some familiarity in that name. “Alaroy Rital.” She repeated. “I don’t recall hearing of such a name before.”
“Well his full name, as far as I recall, and vastly aided by the book is as follows: Alaroy Rital, Lord-Mayor of the Township of the Two Rivers, Slayer of the Dragon of the Grey Canyon, Repeller of the Tainted Blight of the Orsin, Liberator of the Aether, and Grand Master of the Elusian Guild Hall of Adventurers.” Sorecar responded succinctly, prompting the apprentice to once more clench her eyes shut in deep thought, before finally letting out a sigh of defeat.
“The name is both familiar yet foreign at the same time.” She finally admitted.
“As far as I recall, and mind you, my memory of those years are far from perfect… the man was a local hero of sorts. Though his record was besmirched by some controversy or another.” Sorecar offered, prompting the apprentice to finally shrug, giving up on this particular subject matter entirely.
“There are more sections, yes?”
“Correct.”
“Then let’s move on.”
Sorecar nodded promptly at that, flipping the pages over until he hit the next section.
“Section Four. A Sordid Account of the Most Bizarre of Newrealmer Arrivals: A Death By Harmonization and the Ensuing Investigation.”
That immediately got my attention, causing me to jolt forwards, prompting the armor to quickly follow as it automatically switched from the currently active in-armor-postural-readjustment mode, and back into its active configuration.
“Section Five. The Unfortunate Procedures Against Unruly Realms and the Instances in Which Such Procedures Were Incurred.”
The armorer paused after that, not necessarily due to its contents, but as if puzzled by what lay ahead in the next few final pages. In fact, he flipped back and forth between the pages soon after that, treading and retreading what were effectively the last five pages of the book. “There is an appendix which includes titles not covered by these sections, however it will take some time to read through them.”
“That’s enough for now, professor.” The apprentice offered, prompting the man to quickly pull back, closing the notebook with an unsatisfying thump. “We have our glowing wand.” The apprentice surmised. “The oeuvre of works which are no doubt the subject of this grand controversy. Now all we need to find is the contract which ties everything together.”
“I’m assuming you haven’t forgotten about our second item of interest?” Sorecar gestured towards the crystal ball.
“Of course not, professor. However, the fact we’ve found that book implies that we must be close to its dependent article.” The apprentice responded with a renewed sense of urgency, as she began using that same ornate magnifying glass in an attempt to further pick apart each and every nook and cranny of Mal’tory’s desk.
Part of me wanted to make some joke about how this was every unpaid intern’s dream, to be rummaging through your boss’ stuff.
But that part of me was completely buried underneath the confusion and dread that came with the revelations from within that little green book.
I… honestly didn’t know what I was expecting, but I felt like I’d been suckerpunched, with the wind being knocked right out of me from the implications of exactly what had been selectively purged from the library.
It was a struggle to process it all, which more or less made me dull out the more eccentric aspects of the apprentice’s investigation; as she unlocked drawer after drawer, pulling out pile after pile of magical nicknacks and more documents than what was possible from that finite amount of space.
Sorecar was clearly of the same opinion as the rest of us right now however, as he continued obsessing over the book, his hands once more trailing over to inspect its cryptic pages. The man seemed transfixed on the second and third sections in particular, though his featureless visor made it difficult to really pin down what his reactions were.
Yet throughout all of this, it was clear the reactions on the homefront were much, much more animated, as Ilunor was just about ready to pass out from the stress, and Thacea seemed about ready to burst at the seams if her featureless facade was of any indication.
“That was the book.” Ilunor finally chimed out, just as the narration through the recording had died down during the more tepid phase of the apprentice’s investigation. “I know it.”
“I thought your memories when it came to the whole Mal’tory book burning situation was lost, Ilunor?” Thalmin countered.
“It was. I mean, it still is. But I remember parts of that room. I vaguely recall the emergence of a book that I was forced to…” The Vunerian trailed off, as if struggling to piece together words.
“... to sign?” Thalmin offered in a surprisingly helpful tone which stood at odds with how he earlier regarded the Vunerian.
“No. No you imbecil-” The Vunerian paused, realizing his misstep as he backtracked from what would’ve otherwise been an expected response. “That wasn’t a book of binding. It’s not comparable to the yearbook, if that was where your assumptions were leading to, Prince Thalmin.” Ilunor clarified, gripping the armrests of his seat tight between his fingers.
It was about this point in time that I expected Thacea to chime in, to elaborate on the nature of the book with her encyclopedic knowledge on seemingly every aspect of the magical world.
But she didn’t.
Instead, her eyes remained practically glued to the screen, as I realized that whatever had been revealed thus far had hit much, much harder than I could’ve imagined.
Ilunor, as if taking note of this silence, elected to fill in for Thacea. “The book… is an adjacent artifact. It is, as the apprentice has noted, an eclectic oeuvre of works, a list if you will, to be bound to and referenced by a contract and a spell of binding. The book itself isn’t the binding agent, moreso the reference material by which the contract is hinged upon.”
“So what’s with the illegible text? Are they ciphers or some magical equivalent of it?” I gestured once more at the bird’s eye view offered by the drone, and the pages of indecipherable text currently beneath Sorecar’s hands.
“Those are anchor runes, earthrelamer.” Ilunor answered with a frustrated sigh. “It is frustrating to see them for what they are not. Frankly, it’s as if your sight-seers and memory-shards were designed to mimic the world as it is seen through the eyes of a particularly weak-fielded commoner.” The Vunerian went off, venting his frustrations through a rant before finally calming down. “But I digress. Those runes are referred to as anchors for a reason. For tethered to them are akin to pages of text to be openly read and deciphered within the manastreams. Granted, this form of writing is not common; moreso used for the purposes of contracts and other such magical binds.”
“And on the topic of contracts. I’m assuming that the contract… your contract, is what the Apprentice is currently rummaging for?” I gestured towards the screen once more, at the apprentice who was now buried ankle-deep in piles upon piles of books, documents, and an assortment of scrolls that criss-crossed across the room’s mahogany and carpeted floors.
“Unless she’s a complete nitwit, then I’d imagine so, yes.” Ilunor responded with his signature cattiness. “In any case, the fact she’s even trying proves that she’s barely above a fool anyways.” The Vunerian shrugged. “And before you ask, earthrealmer, let me preempt your question. The contract, at least on the professor’s end, has more than likely suffered the same fate as my own. Namely, its existence is more than certain to be dubious at best. What the apprentice will surely find will be nothing more than ash at the bottom of that bottomless drawer. Which… given its sheer size and scale, and the potential inhabitants within its limitless confines, will more than likely result in even ash being difficult if not impossible to find.”
There was… more than one point I wanted to raise with Ilunor’s statements. However, before I could address any of them, the elf in question finally spoke up once more; now surrounded by an entire archive’s worth of documents and nicknacks.
“Nothing.” Larial spoke with a sullen breath, taking a moment to steady herself as she made a point of not sitting on Mal’tory’s chair. “At least nothing that’s relevant to our case.” She continued, resting her palms flat against the green suede of the desk.
“Were you really expecting anything different, Apprentice?” Sorecar countered, having since moved from pondering the pages of the book to now pondering the depths of the crystal ball.
“I’d assumed the damage to the man hadn’t been so severe.” Larial admitted, alluding to something else that drew all of our collective attention. “When I first saw him in the healing ward… he looked… intact. You couldn’t even tell there was anything wrong with him.”
“And yet they called you of all people, to aid in the ritual.” The armorer surmised, with a tone of voice that now more resembled that of a fully fledged Academy Professor. His happy go lucky persona had subsided completely, at least for now, as he addressed Larial in a manner more akin to what I’d expected of the Dean. “You have been around the Academy for long enough to understand that calling upon the aid of apprentices is unprecedented. Which means that despite how things may seem on the surface, that lurking beneath the seemingly calm waters, is a hydrostorm of epic proportions.”
“This entire situation is unprecedented, professor.” Larial countered meekly. “But you are correct. It… must have been desperate if they required the aid of apprentices. I just… cannot fathom the fact that the professors must have…” The apprentice trailed off, her face scrunching up and breaking eye contact with the armorer as if too skittish to broach the next point.
Sorecar didn’t reply, nor did he complete her sentence for her, simply allowing her to recuperate and reorganize her thoughts herself.
“... brought the man back from the brink.” She managed out, offering what was in effect a euphemism that didn’t seem to sit right with the armorer, if his immediate head cock was of any indication.
“That is the only way you can explain the complete loss of a contract.” Sorecar reasoned. “You were hoping to find it, despite knowing well that it, amongst the rest of his contracts, have more than likely gone up in flames.” It was around that point that he walked around behind the desk, and reached down into the drawer the apprentice had been searching in. His arm sank impossibly deep, deeper than what should have been physically possible inside of that small and limited space. After a few moments, the man finally brought his hand back up, holding within it what appeared to be fine specks of ash that he allowed to filter back down into the dark depths of the seemingly bottomless drawer. “And there you have it — ash. Most of it has no doubt already been consumed by the bottom-feeders. However, what remains is enough to account for what is perhaps more contracts than most would form in their lives.”
The man stood back up soon after, before once more taking his place at the front of the desk.
“Well, I believe that answers our prior speculations on Auris Ping’s potential relations, contractual or otherwise, with Professor Mal’tory.” Thalmin growled out, punctuating the moment of silence within the footage; which soon continued with a resonant sigh from the apprentice.
“I guess, in a way, I was trying to find the contract not so much because of my assigned task, but because I wanted to perhaps prove to myself that the situation wasn’t as dire as my intuition leads me to believe. The loss of all these contracts can only mean one thing.” Larial paused, once more trying to find the strength inside of her to face whatever facts were self-evident in this case. “The man was lost.” She finally managed out through a shaky breath. “His soul must have departed from his mortal coil. And yet…”
“... and yet he remains.” Sorecar surmised.
“They must have re-tethered it before I arrived that night.” The apprentice shot back. “But I felt nothing different when they asked me to aid in the mana-channeling processes. This whole situation is just…” She sighed, prompting Sorecar to cock his head.
“Unprecedented?”
“Yes.” The apprentice once more admitted, sinking her face into her hands and taking a moment to process it all, more or less falling into the same camp all of us were currently in. “Moreover, it brings up a very disturbing question.”
“Which is?”
“If his soul was truly untethered, even for a split second… how exactly were they able to retether it? Or more specifically, through what means are they using to permanently retether his soul to his mortal coil?”
This question seemed to cause some level of concern from Sorecar, as his answer soon demonstrated. “There are… ways of doing so that aren’t exclusive to being spellbound to armor.” The man offered under a dour breath. “Especially if the body is… fresh, in a manner of speaking. Though it requires the use of-” He stopped, halting himself from going down what was clearly a darkening path. “I apologize for prompting this rather… dark and dreary subject matter, Apprentice.” Sorecar offered, as that empathetic, kinder side of him returned without much prompting.
“It’s quite alright. It… it needed to be said, if we are to complete this investigation with any degree of professionalism.” The apprentice concluded with a small smile. “Whatever the case may be, it is clear that we are unable to procure the contract through which the perpetrator of the library’s burning was bound. We have, however, undeniable proof of Professor Mal’tory’s involvement with the scandal.” She pointed at the green notebook. “And of course, a potential interloper who may or may not have been a part of this conspiracy; thereby expanding this from a mere Academy matter, to one which could implicate others beyond its walls.” She pointed at the crystal ball. “Have you discovered anything from your observations thus far, Professor?” The apprentice inquired, prompting the man to nod, as he knelt down to eye-level, pondering the orb from desk-height.
“The inherent limitations of the Echovale make it so that it’s near impossible to transcribe anything following the cessation of a communique.” Sorecar began. “Though of course, you knew this, and hoped that because I am perhaps one of the greatest armorers to have ever lived, that I would be able to aid in this impossible endeavor, hmm?” The armorer’s tone of voice had more or less resumed that flighty, happy-go-lucky one I knew him for.
The apprentice, hearing this, could only smile awkwardly in response. “I wouldn’t have put it that… bluntly, professor. But I do indeed have faith in your ability to make the impossible, well… probable, at the least.”
“Hmph! Well, I couldn’t pin a face or a name, but I was able to pin a definite location if that helps.” The man offered.
“Any stray piece of information will help tremendously, professor.”
“The Crownlands.” He answered without a hint of hesitation, prompting the Apprentice to raise both of her brows up high.
“That’s as far as I am able to draw from the residual echoes within the vale.” He tapped at the ball, generating a series of satisfying clinks in the process.
“So the man wasn’t acting alone. Or rather, perhaps he was consulting someone.” The apprentice pondered. “Then again, that final communique could very well be with Lord Lartia—” The apprentice paused, before placing both palms softly across her throat. “—may his soul rest in peaceful slumber.” Following another moment of silence, the apprentice’s hands soon shifted towards the ball. “In any case, if it isn’t Lord Lartia, then who could it possibly be? Maybe we should…” The apprentice suddenly stopped; as if realizing the dangers of diving any deeper into this growing conspiracy. “No.” She quickly corrected herself. “Whatever the case may be, this is probably now completely out of my purview. I was assigned to collect any evidence I deemed to be relevant to recent happenings, and I believe this should suffice.”
“Whatever you believe is best, apprentice.” Sorecar acquiesced, prompting the apprentice to slowly, but surely, pack the archive’s worth of documents, books, and scrolls all back into the drawer using nothing but telekinetic spells.
This left just the crystal ball, and the little green book, both of which the apprentice promptly pocketed into a small pouch, before placing it somewhere beneath her cloak.
“Though on that note…” Sorecar began, pointing towards the apprentice’s cloak. “If I may ask, how do you plan on divvying up these finite pieces of evidence?”
This caught the apprentice off-guard, as her mouth opened, but no response came through.
“Moreover, are you even obligated to hand in this evidence? Or are you only expected to write a report to all parties involved?” Sorecar continued, pressing the matter further, causing the apprentice to stop mid-stride. “Because if primary evidence isn’t explicitly required, might I offer my services as a master forger?” The man spoke with a hint of mischievousness, the duality of the word perhaps translating equally well despite the language barrier.
“I may need to contact my superiors to ask if a… copy will be satisfactory to their needs. I believe not, but… we shall see. In any case, I am due to submit the evidence along with my report no later than the end of next week. As such, this should give me ample time to organize my findings, which is especially convenient given the roster of duties I am expected to cover over the next few days.” The apprentice took a moment to pinch the bridge of her nose, halting her rambles as she steadied herself with a sigh. “But I digress, I believe I will take you up on that offer, Professor Pliska.”
“It would be my pleasure to welcome you into my domain, apprentice.”
The rest of the footage consisted of small talk between the pair, with nothing in particular standing out as the topics being addressed soon turned from high-stakes espionage, and back into faculty banter.
Yet despite that, none of us broke the silence that now dominated the boring trip back. Not even as the footage came to a complete stop, and there was nothing more left to play.
I leaned back against the armor, eliciting a series of creaks from the couch below me, echoing across the high-ceilinged room and disrupting the tentative peace that came with this ominous silence.
“This explains… a lot.” Thalmin offered, finally breaking the silence with a tentative tone of voice. “It explains your contract, and its abrupt cessation.” He continued, turning towards Ilunor. “It explains Mal’tory, or at least, his current lack of public appearances. And it reveals to us exactly what he was trying to hide from you, Emma.” The lupinor eventually turned towards me. “And I think the sections of the library, selectively pruned, are self-explanatory as well.”
“Section four, and section five, at least.” I replied shortly thereafter. “I have no idea who or what Alaroy Rital has to hide in section three, and don’t even get me started on section two, let alone section one.” It was at that point that I turned towards Thacea, who let out a sharp exhale upon me bringing up section one.
“The removal of all information relevant to… and I quote — Tainted Realities — speaks volumes to the inherent fears of the Nexus. Though I know not what specifically they may fear from your discovery of its deep and now-lost lore.” Thacea offered through a pensive gaze. “There are many rumors, legends that come with the phrase Tainted Reality. Though most are mythical; epics of long lost eras that dwell between the blurry line that exists between history and legend. Perhaps the records within the library were pieces of irrefutable evidence that would’ve shed light on this nebulous subject matter. But even so… that begs the question… why? Why would they hide what is effectively a non-issue when it comes to your discovery of its lore? Taint, and more specifically, the concept of a Tainted Reality, is something that is inconsequential in the contemporary world. Its history, even if it proves to be true, is neither a disruptive political element, nor a practical tool for war, that could be used in countering the Nexus.” The avinor’s explanations were clear, concise, and yet they belied something personal that she clearly wasn’t broaching.
And I wasn’t about to dig either, not when this topic very clearly hit close to home for her.
“This leaves the second subject matter then.” I offered, giving the avinor an off-ramp towards a potentially more palatable topic.
“The Unspoken War and the Treacherous Alliance?”
“Correct.” I nodded.
“That… I have no knowledge of.” The avinor admitted, prompting me to turn to both the lupinor and the Vunerian for answers.
“Don’t look at me, earthrealmer, I’m the one who lost all memories on the subject, remember?” Ilunor countered.
“I’m afraid I’m as in the dark as you are on this one, Emma.” Thalmin replied with a loud huff, leaving me with perhaps more questions than answers at this point.
“Right then.” I nodded. “Well, regardless, as disquieting, confusing, and disturbing as these revelations have been, they are exactly that — revelations.” I took a moment to stand up, resting both hands on my hips, as if adopting Ilunor’s more theatrical approach to things. “We started today off with no intel on Mal’tory, with no idea how we were going to complete The Library’s Seekership questline, and no knowledge on exactly where we stood in this game. We’re ending today off with a firm grasp on exactly what we need to do, what exactly was scorched in the library, and a tentative understanding on Mal’tory’s fate. I’d say that’s an incredible step forward, even if the answers we now have are leading to even more questions.”
“Reality is often filled with disturbing truths, but only when we acknowledge them, can we act to change them.” Thacea offered.
“Here here!” Thalmin reaffirmed through a firm stomp, standing up tall and ready.
“While certain revelations come as disappointments… namely the survival of Professor Mal’tory… it is indeed somewhat satisfying to hear that the man is at the very least suffering for his actions.” The little thing spoke maliciously, as he too stood up. This prompted a look of worry to form amidst all three of us, but instead of reacting accordingly, he instead displayed an expression of confusion. “What? The man was a monster! He actively antagonized not only me, but this entire group! Surely you also feel at least some sense of satisfaction at the consequences of his actions catching up to him!”
“The delight in an enemy’s defeat, best comes from the resistance of the blade against his body. Not from the suffering incurred from happenstance.” Thalmin countered, whilst Thacea and I refused to entertain that line of thought, as I quickly placed a palm across my forehead, bonking it once again in the process.
“Right, well, here’s the game plan. We now have a clear target to complete our first objective — the notebook. We grab that, hand it in to the library, and presto, we accomplish the Seekership questline. Now comes the difficult part… how exactly do we do that?” I turned to the group, as offers and suggestions finally came flying in.
“Take advantage of your life debt?” Ilunor offered.
“I wouldn’t take advantage of that card just yet, Ilunor. Not if we have other options.” Thacea countered.
“What if we steal it?” Thalmin proposed.
“Thievery isn’t a diplomatic approach, Thalmin.” Thacea shot back with a glare.
“Well, Emma here was able to grapple her way, through manaless means, across the outside of the castle towards the apprentice whilst she was in the medical wing. I’m sure we can pull something else off in a similar capacity!” The lupinor countered.
“No, Thalmin. As much as I would like to try, I believe it might be best if we try a more diplomatic approach.” I offered, prompting the three to cock their heads.
“We could just ask, right?”
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(Author’s Note: And there we have it! The first step towards the completion of the Library's questline! We've found exactly what we were looking for, the list of books that were ordered to be put to the dragon flame by Mal'tory. With that being said however, a new series of questions arises... exactly why were these books targeted in particular? Moreover, what exactly was lost as a result? These questions and more will continue to linger in the back the gangs' minds as we push forward! Especially as we now find ourselves in the midst of another conundrum, exactly how are we going to get the book to the library! Regardless, this is still a massive step forward, and one that will surely bring Emma and Ilunor closer towards addressing the first phase of their intertwined fates with the library! I hope you guys enjoy! :D The next Two Chapters are already up on Patreon if you guys are interested in getting early access to future chapters!)
[If you guys want to help support me and these stories, here's my ko-fi ! And my Patreon for early chapter releases (Chapter 84 and Chapter 85 of this story is already out on there!)]
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Two items — a crystal ball, and a green leather-bound notebook — sat benignly and idly atop of the black-robed professor’s desk.
The camera lingered on them, giving them what most may see as an undeserved moment in the spotlight.
But to those that knew, to the parties invested in this controversy, this little pause and dramatic zoom-in was accompanied by a hair-raising excitement… along with an untempered nervousness for what was to come.
It definitely caused the investigative duo on the other side of the screen some pause for thought; prompting them to stand intently, pondering both the orb and the notebook.
Ilunor, as far as I could tell, was entranced by the green notebook in particular. Though it wasn’t a trance born out of any positive emotion, but instead, one of abject horror.
“Recommended Reading Materials for the Studious Student.” Sorecar announced with a steady breath, prompting Ilunor to visibly flinch in his seat, as the man reached a finger over to point at the hand-scrawled title of the leather-bound notebook. That finger soon found itself carefully manipulating its pages, opening the cover first, before turning over the internal dust-cover to reveal letters and symbols written in High Nexian, but arranged in a manner the EVI simply could not translate.
“Error: Unable to Translate. Cause: Unrecognized and/or unintelligible organization of local script-forms.”
Yet despite this, it seemed as if both Sorecar and the Apprentice were able to draw something from its otherwise senseless pages. As despite being written haphazardly, with letters and pictograms arranged in no meaningful order, they were able to still draw meaning where the EVI couldn’t.
“Within these pages lie materials for the studious student. Materials are to be found within The Library, and are to be retrieved with great haste. May you make swift work of their contents, and may those after you find only ash in your wake. Seek, unlearn, and remove from the grip of the eternal entity, that which was once a gift but is now a curse. Seek, unlearn, and remove; with the fires of your passion, oh studious student.” Sorecar read aloud, managing to read something verbatim from the nonsensical pages of the book.
Ilunor’s eyes were practically glazed over at this point, as he began bringing his cape over across his chest, tucking his legs towards his chin in the process.
“This is it.” The apprentice announced with a half-cracked smile. “Please, keep going. I’m certain your skills of appraisal far exceed my own, Professor.”
Sorecar obliged by flipping the page, turning over to two pages of complete gibberish, once again watermarked by the EVI’s error message; but proving no challenge at all for the ever-inquisitive professor.
“Section One, A Tainted Reality: A Wretched Collection of Historical Affidavits During the Reconciliation and Reformation of Otherwise Lost Realities.” Sorecar paused, before turning towards the apprentice. “It lists an entire section’s worth of books, in titles held within spatial positions with reference to their potentialities within the ever-evolving library.”
Thacea’s features visibly flinched at that revelation, but similar to the apprentice in the footage, she refused to comment. At least not for now. Her eyes however betrayed a look of mild distress, which subsided somewhat as the apprentice urged the armorer to continue.
Which he did, as he flipped from page to page across the relatively small notebook, only pausing to read in between what he interpreted to be different sections and ‘chapters’.
“Section Two. The Unspoken War and the Treacherous Alliance.”
“Section Three. All surviving works from Alaroy Rital.”
The apprentice cocked her head, as if trying to recall some familiarity in that name. “Alaroy Rital.” She repeated. “I don’t recall hearing of such a name before.”
“Well his full name, as far as I recall, and vastly aided by the book is as follows: Alaroy Rital, Lord-Mayor of the Township of the Two Rivers, Slayer of the Dragon of the Grey Canyon, Repeller of the Tainted Blight of the Orsin, Liberator of the Aether, and Grand Master of the Elusian Guild Hall of Adventurers.” Sorecar responded succinctly, prompting the apprentice to once more clench her eyes shut in deep thought, before finally letting out a sigh of defeat.
“The name is both familiar yet foreign at the same time.” She finally admitted.
“As far as I recall, and mind you, my memory of those years are far from perfect… the man was a local hero of sorts. Though his record was besmirched by some controversy or another.” Sorecar offered, prompting the apprentice to finally shrug, giving up on this particular subject matter entirely.
“There are more sections, yes?”
“Correct.”
“Then let’s move on.”
Sorecar nodded promptly at that, flipping the pages over until he hit the next section.
“Section Four. A Sordid Account of the Most Bizarre of Newrealmer Arrivals: A Death By Harmonization and the Ensuing Investigation.”
That immediately got my attention, causing me to jolt forwards, prompting the armor to quickly follow as it automatically switched from the currently active in-armor-postural-readjustment mode, and back into its active configuration.
“Section Five. The Unfortunate Procedures Against Unruly Realms and the Instances in Which Such Procedures Were Incurred.”
The armorer paused after that, not necessarily due to its contents, but as if puzzled by what lay ahead in the next few final pages. In fact, he flipped back and forth between the pages soon after that, treading and retreading what were effectively the last five pages of the book. “There is an appendix which includes titles not covered by these sections, however it will take some time to read through them.”
“That’s enough for now, professor.” The apprentice offered, prompting the man to quickly pull back, closing the notebook with an unsatisfying thump. “We have our glowing wand.” The apprentice surmised. “The oeuvre of works which are no doubt the subject of this grand controversy. Now all we need to find is the contract which ties everything together.”
“I’m assuming you haven’t forgotten about our second item of interest?” Sorecar gestured towards the crystal ball.
“Of course not, professor. However, the fact we’ve found that book implies that we must be close to its dependent article.” The apprentice responded with a renewed sense of urgency, as she began using that same ornate magnifying glass in an attempt to further pick apart each and every nook and cranny of Mal’tory’s desk.
Part of me wanted to make some joke about how this was every unpaid intern’s dream, to be rummaging through your boss’ stuff.
But that part of me was completely buried underneath the confusion and dread that came with the revelations from within that little green book.
I… honestly didn’t know what I was expecting, but I felt like I’d been suckerpunched, with the wind being knocked right out of me from the implications of exactly what had been selectively purged from the library.
It was a struggle to process it all, which more or less made me dull out the more eccentric aspects of the apprentice’s investigation; as she unlocked drawer after drawer, pulling out pile after pile of magical nicknacks and more documents than what was possible from that finite amount of space.
Sorecar was clearly of the same opinion as the rest of us right now however, as he continued obsessing over the book, his hands once more trailing over to inspect its cryptic pages. The man seemed transfixed on the second and third sections in particular, though his featureless visor made it difficult to really pin down what his reactions were.
Yet throughout all of this, it was clear the reactions on the homefront were much, much more animated, as Ilunor was just about ready to pass out from the stress, and Thacea seemed about ready to burst at the seams if her featureless facade was of any indication.
“That was the book.” Ilunor finally chimed out, just as the narration through the recording had died down during the more tepid phase of the apprentice’s investigation. “I know it.”
“I thought your memories when it came to the whole Mal’tory book burning situation was lost, Ilunor?” Thalmin countered.
“It was. I mean, it still is. But I remember parts of that room. I vaguely recall the emergence of a book that I was forced to…” The Vunerian trailed off, as if struggling to piece together words.
“... to sign?” Thalmin offered in a surprisingly helpful tone which stood at odds with how he earlier regarded the Vunerian.
“No. No you imbecil-” The Vunerian paused, realizing his misstep as he backtracked from what would’ve otherwise been an expected response. “That wasn’t a book of binding. It’s not comparable to the yearbook, if that was where your assumptions were leading to, Prince Thalmin.” Ilunor clarified, gripping the armrests of his seat tight between his fingers.
It was about this point in time that I expected Thacea to chime in, to elaborate on the nature of the book with her encyclopedic knowledge on seemingly every aspect of the magical world.
But she didn’t.
Instead, her eyes remained practically glued to the screen, as I realized that whatever had been revealed thus far had hit much, much harder than I could’ve imagined.
Ilunor, as if taking note of this silence, elected to fill in for Thacea. “The book… is an adjacent artifact. It is, as the apprentice has noted, an eclectic oeuvre of works, a list if you will, to be bound to and referenced by a contract and a spell of binding. The book itself isn’t the binding agent, moreso the reference material by which the contract is hinged upon.”
“So what’s with the illegible text? Are they ciphers or some magical equivalent of it?” I gestured once more at the bird’s eye view offered by the drone, and the pages of indecipherable text currently beneath Sorecar’s hands.
“Those are anchor runes, earthrelamer.” Ilunor answered with a frustrated sigh. “It is frustrating to see them for what they are not. Frankly, it’s as if your sight-seers and memory-shards were designed to mimic the world as it is seen through the eyes of a particularly weak-fielded commoner.” The Vunerian went off, venting his frustrations through a rant before finally calming down. “But I digress. Those runes are referred to as anchors for a reason. For tethered to them are akin to pages of text to be openly read and deciphered within the manastreams. Granted, this form of writing is not common; moreso used for the purposes of contracts and other such magical binds.”
“And on the topic of contracts. I’m assuming that the contract… your contract, is what the Apprentice is currently rummaging for?” I gestured towards the screen once more, at the apprentice who was now buried ankle-deep in piles upon piles of books, documents, and an assortment of scrolls that criss-crossed across the room’s mahogany and carpeted floors.
“Unless she’s a complete nitwit, then I’d imagine so, yes.” Ilunor responded with his signature cattiness. “In any case, the fact she’s even trying proves that she’s barely above a fool anyways.” The Vunerian shrugged. “And before you ask, earthrealmer, let me preempt your question. The contract, at least on the professor’s end, has more than likely suffered the same fate as my own. Namely, its existence is more than certain to be dubious at best. What the apprentice will surely find will be nothing more than ash at the bottom of that bottomless drawer. Which… given its sheer size and scale, and the potential inhabitants within its limitless confines, will more than likely result in even ash being difficult if not impossible to find.”
There was… more than one point I wanted to raise with Ilunor’s statements. However, before I could address any of them, the elf in question finally spoke up once more; now surrounded by an entire archive’s worth of documents and nicknacks.
“Nothing.” Larial spoke with a sullen breath, taking a moment to steady herself as she made a point of not sitting on Mal’tory’s chair. “At least nothing that’s relevant to our case.” She continued, resting her palms flat against the green suede of the desk.
“Were you really expecting anything different, Apprentice?” Sorecar countered, having since moved from pondering the pages of the book to now pondering the depths of the crystal ball.
“I’d assumed the damage to the man hadn’t been so severe.” Larial admitted, alluding to something else that drew all of our collective attention. “When I first saw him in the healing ward… he looked… intact. You couldn’t even tell there was anything wrong with him.”
“And yet they called you of all people, to aid in the ritual.” The armorer surmised, with a tone of voice that now more resembled that of a fully fledged Academy Professor. His happy go lucky persona had subsided completely, at least for now, as he addressed Larial in a manner more akin to what I’d expected of the Dean. “You have been around the Academy for long enough to understand that calling upon the aid of apprentices is unprecedented. Which means that despite how things may seem on the surface, that lurking beneath the seemingly calm waters, is a hydrostorm of epic proportions.”
“This entire situation is unprecedented, professor.” Larial countered meekly. “But you are correct. It… must have been desperate if they required the aid of apprentices. I just… cannot fathom the fact that the professors must have…” The apprentice trailed off, her face scrunching up and breaking eye contact with the armorer as if too skittish to broach the next point.
Sorecar didn’t reply, nor did he complete her sentence for her, simply allowing her to recuperate and reorganize her thoughts herself.
“... brought the man back from the brink.” She managed out, offering what was in effect a euphemism that didn’t seem to sit right with the armorer, if his immediate head cock was of any indication.
“That is the only way you can explain the complete loss of a contract.” Sorecar reasoned. “You were hoping to find it, despite knowing well that it, amongst the rest of his contracts, have more than likely gone up in flames.” It was around that point that he walked around behind the desk, and reached down into the drawer the apprentice had been searching in. His arm sank impossibly deep, deeper than what should have been physically possible inside of that small and limited space. After a few moments, the man finally brought his hand back up, holding within it what appeared to be fine specks of ash that he allowed to filter back down into the dark depths of the seemingly bottomless drawer. “And there you have it — ash. Most of it has no doubt already been consumed by the bottom-feeders. However, what remains is enough to account for what is perhaps more contracts than most would form in their lives.”
The man stood back up soon after, before once more taking his place at the front of the desk.
“Well, I believe that answers our prior speculations on Auris Ping’s potential relations, contractual or otherwise, with Professor Mal’tory.” Thalmin growled out, punctuating the moment of silence within the footage; which soon continued with a resonant sigh from the apprentice.
“I guess, in a way, I was trying to find the contract not so much because of my assigned task, but because I wanted to perhaps prove to myself that the situation wasn’t as dire as my intuition leads me to believe. The loss of all these contracts can only mean one thing.” Larial paused, once more trying to find the strength inside of her to face whatever facts were self-evident in this case. “The man was lost.” She finally managed out through a shaky breath. “His soul must have departed from his mortal coil. And yet…”
“... and yet he remains.” Sorecar surmised.
“They must have re-tethered it before I arrived that night.” The apprentice shot back. “But I felt nothing different when they asked me to aid in the mana-channeling processes. This whole situation is just…” She sighed, prompting Sorecar to cock his head.
“Unprecedented?”
“Yes.” The apprentice once more admitted, sinking her face into her hands and taking a moment to process it all, more or less falling into the same camp all of us were currently in. “Moreover, it brings up a very disturbing question.”
“Which is?”
“If his soul was truly untethered, even for a split second… how exactly were they able to retether it? Or more specifically, through what means are they using to permanently retether his soul to his mortal coil?”
This question seemed to cause some level of concern from Sorecar, as his answer soon demonstrated. “There are… ways of doing so that aren’t exclusive to being spellbound to armor.” The man offered under a dour breath. “Especially if the body is… fresh, in a manner of speaking. Though it requires the use of-” He stopped, halting himself from going down what was clearly a darkening path. “I apologize for prompting this rather… dark and dreary subject matter, Apprentice.” Sorecar offered, as that empathetic, kinder side of him returned without much prompting.
“It’s quite alright. It… it needed to be said, if we are to complete this investigation with any degree of professionalism.” The apprentice concluded with a small smile. “Whatever the case may be, it is clear that we are unable to procure the contract through which the perpetrator of the library’s burning was bound. We have, however, undeniable proof of Professor Mal’tory’s involvement with the scandal.” She pointed at the green notebook. “And of course, a potential interloper who may or may not have been a part of this conspiracy; thereby expanding this from a mere Academy matter, to one which could implicate others beyond its walls.” She pointed at the crystal ball. “Have you discovered anything from your observations thus far, Professor?” The apprentice inquired, prompting the man to nod, as he knelt down to eye-level, pondering the orb from desk-height.
“The inherent limitations of the Echovale make it so that it’s near impossible to transcribe anything following the cessation of a communique.” Sorecar began. “Though of course, you knew this, and hoped that because I am perhaps one of the greatest armorers to have ever lived, that I would be able to aid in this impossible endeavor, hmm?” The armorer’s tone of voice had more or less resumed that flighty, happy-go-lucky one I knew him for.
The apprentice, hearing this, could only smile awkwardly in response. “I wouldn’t have put it that… bluntly, professor. But I do indeed have faith in your ability to make the impossible, well… probable, at the least.”
“Hmph! Well, I couldn’t pin a face or a name, but I was able to pin a definite location if that helps.” The man offered.
“Any stray piece of information will help tremendously, professor.”
“The Crownlands.” He answered without a hint of hesitation, prompting the Apprentice to raise both of her brows up high.
“That’s as far as I am able to draw from the residual echoes within the vale.” He tapped at the ball, generating a series of satisfying clinks in the process.
“So the man wasn’t acting alone. Or rather, perhaps he was consulting someone.” The apprentice pondered. “Then again, that final communique could very well be with Lord Lartia—” The apprentice paused, before placing both palms softly across her throat. “—may his soul rest in peaceful slumber.” Following another moment of silence, the apprentice’s hands soon shifted towards the ball. “In any case, if it isn’t Lord Lartia, then who could it possibly be? Maybe we should…” The apprentice suddenly stopped; as if realizing the dangers of diving any deeper into this growing conspiracy. “No.” She quickly corrected herself. “Whatever the case may be, this is probably now completely out of my purview. I was assigned to collect any evidence I deemed to be relevant to recent happenings, and I believe this should suffice.”
“Whatever you believe is best, apprentice.” Sorecar acquiesced, prompting the apprentice to slowly, but surely, pack the archive’s worth of documents, books, and scrolls all back into the drawer using nothing but telekinetic spells.
This left just the crystal ball, and the little green book, both of which the apprentice promptly pocketed into a small pouch, before placing it somewhere beneath her cloak.
“Though on that note…” Sorecar began, pointing towards the apprentice’s cloak. “If I may ask, how do you plan on divvying up these finite pieces of evidence?”
This caught the apprentice off-guard, as her mouth opened, but no response came through.
“Moreover, are you even obligated to hand in this evidence? Or are you only expected to write a report to all parties involved?” Sorecar continued, pressing the matter further, causing the apprentice to stop mid-stride. “Because if primary evidence isn’t explicitly required, might I offer my services as a master forger?” The man spoke with a hint of mischievousness, the duality of the word perhaps translating equally well despite the language barrier.
“I may need to contact my superiors to ask if a… copy will be satisfactory to their needs. I believe not, but… we shall see. In any case, I am due to submit the evidence along with my report no later than the end of next week. As such, this should give me ample time to organize my findings, which is especially convenient given the roster of duties I am expected to cover over the next few days.” The apprentice took a moment to pinch the bridge of her nose, halting her rambles as she steadied herself with a sigh. “But I digress, I believe I will take you up on that offer, Professor Pliska.”
“It would be my pleasure to welcome you into my domain, apprentice.”
The rest of the footage consisted of small talk between the pair, with nothing in particular standing out as the topics being addressed soon turned from high-stakes espionage, and back into faculty banter.
Yet despite that, none of us broke the silence that now dominated the boring trip back. Not even as the footage came to a complete stop, and there was nothing more left to play.
I leaned back against the armor, eliciting a series of creaks from the couch below me, echoing across the high-ceilinged room and disrupting the tentative peace that came with this ominous silence.
“This explains… a lot.” Thalmin offered, finally breaking the silence with a tentative tone of voice. “It explains your contract, and its abrupt cessation.” He continued, turning towards Ilunor. “It explains Mal’tory, or at least, his current lack of public appearances. And it reveals to us exactly what he was trying to hide from you, Emma.” The lupinor eventually turned towards me. “And I think the sections of the library, selectively pruned, are self-explanatory as well.”
“Section four, and section five, at least.” I replied shortly thereafter. “I have no idea who or what Alaroy Rital has to hide in section three, and don’t even get me started on section two, let alone section one.” It was at that point that I turned towards Thacea, who let out a sharp exhale upon me bringing up section one.
“The removal of all information relevant to… and I quote — Tainted Realities — speaks volumes to the inherent fears of the Nexus. Though I know not what specifically they may fear from your discovery of its deep and now-lost lore.” Thacea offered through a pensive gaze. “There are many rumors, legends that come with the phrase Tainted Reality. Though most are mythical; epics of long lost eras that dwell between the blurry line that exists between history and legend. Perhaps the records within the library were pieces of irrefutable evidence that would’ve shed light on this nebulous subject matter. But even so… that begs the question… why? Why would they hide what is effectively a non-issue when it comes to your discovery of its lore? Taint, and more specifically, the concept of a Tainted Reality, is something that is inconsequential in the contemporary world. Its history, even if it proves to be true, is neither a disruptive political element, nor a practical tool for war, that could be used in countering the Nexus.” The avinor’s explanations were clear, concise, and yet they belied something personal that she clearly wasn’t broaching.
And I wasn’t about to dig either, not when this topic very clearly hit close to home for her.
“This leaves the second subject matter then.” I offered, giving the avinor an off-ramp towards a potentially more palatable topic.
“The Unspoken War and the Treacherous Alliance?”
“Correct.” I nodded.
“That… I have no knowledge of.” The avinor admitted, prompting me to turn to both the lupinor and the Vunerian for answers.
“Don’t look at me, earthrealmer, I’m the one who lost all memories on the subject, remember?” Ilunor countered.
“I’m afraid I’m as in the dark as you are on this one, Emma.” Thalmin replied with a loud huff, leaving me with perhaps more questions than answers at this point.
“Right then.” I nodded. “Well, regardless, as disquieting, confusing, and disturbing as these revelations have been, they are exactly that — revelations.” I took a moment to stand up, resting both hands on my hips, as if adopting Ilunor’s more theatrical approach to things. “We started today off with no intel on Mal’tory, with no idea how we were going to complete The Library’s Seekership questline, and no knowledge on exactly where we stood in this game. We’re ending today off with a firm grasp on exactly what we need to do, what exactly was scorched in the library, and a tentative understanding on Mal’tory’s fate. I’d say that’s an incredible step forward, even if the answers we now have are leading to even more questions.”
“Reality is often filled with disturbing truths, but only when we acknowledge them, can we act to change them.” Thacea offered.
“Here here!” Thalmin reaffirmed through a firm stomp, standing up tall and ready.
“While certain revelations come as disappointments… namely the survival of Professor Mal’tory… it is indeed somewhat satisfying to hear that the man is at the very least suffering for his actions.” The little thing spoke maliciously, as he too stood up. This prompted a look of worry to form amidst all three of us, but instead of reacting accordingly, he instead displayed an expression of confusion. “What? The man was a monster! He actively antagonized not only me, but this entire group! Surely you also feel at least some sense of satisfaction at the consequences of his actions catching up to him!”
“The delight in an enemy’s defeat, best comes from the resistance of the blade against his body. Not from the suffering incurred from happenstance.” Thalmin countered, whilst Thacea and I refused to entertain that line of thought, as I quickly placed a palm across my forehead, bonking it once again in the process.
“Right, well, here’s the game plan. We now have a clear target to complete our first objective — the notebook. We grab that, hand it in to the library, and presto, we accomplish the Seekership questline. Now comes the difficult part… how exactly do we do that?” I turned to the group, as offers and suggestions finally came flying in.
“Take advantage of your life debt?” Ilunor offered.
“I wouldn’t take advantage of that card just yet, Ilunor. Not if we have other options.” Thacea countered.
“What if we steal it?” Thalmin proposed.
“Thievery isn’t a diplomatic approach, Thalmin.” Thacea shot back with a glare.
“Well, Emma here was able to grapple her way, through manaless means, across the outside of the castle towards the apprentice whilst she was in the medical wing. I’m sure we can pull something else off in a similar capacity!” The lupinor countered.
“No, Thalmin. As much as I would like to try, I believe it might be best if we try a more diplomatic approach.” I offered, prompting the three to cock their heads.
“We could just ask, right?”
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(Author’s Note: And there we have it! The first step towards the completion of the Library's questline! We've found exactly what we were looking for, the list of books that were ordered to be put to the dragon flame by Mal'tory. With that being said however, a new series of questions arises... exactly why were these books targeted in particular? Moreover, what exactly was lost as a result? These questions and more will continue to linger in the back the gangs' minds as we push forward! Especially as we now find ourselves in the midst of another conundrum, exactly how are we going to get the book to the library! Regardless, this is still a massive step forward, and one that will surely bring Emma and Ilunor closer towards addressing the first phase of their intertwined fates with the library! I hope you guys enjoy! :D The next Two Chapters are already up on Patreon if you guys are interested in getting early access to future chapters!)
[If you guys want to help support me and these stories, here's my ko-fi ! And my Patreon for early chapter releases (Chapter 84 and Chapter 85 of this story is already out on there!)]