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Chapter 15: For What You’ve Tamed
“We’ve come a long way, Vikri. Let’s finish your story,” Rayner said as he sat down in the same chair, crossing his legs in the same way.; small consistencies that made the task of talking about my past seem a little more routine. “I understand you lost someone important to you that day.”
I shifted slightly where I sat. “Yeah,” I answered coarsely. I grabbed at the poncho hanging over my shoulders. I remembered what it felt like in my dreams. Radiant warmth always seemed to emanate from it. Not necessarily the poncho itself, but Tenga’s memory. I realized that as long as I had those, then he was still here in a way. I’d much rather have him here than his memory though.
Rayner nodded. “I know what that’s like,” he said in a near whisper.
I shook my head. “It’s not just that I lost him. I…I failed,” I rasped. “I could’ve saved him. Maybe if I’d gone back I could’ve gotten the equipment before the fire did. I was too afraid.”
Rayner nodded slowly. “And now you feel responsible.”
I remained silent as I clutched my tail on the couch beside me. Rayner already knew the answer. He pursed his lips. “Yeah…I know exactly how that feels.”
I looked up at him. For the first time, his eyes weren’t on me, but on the adjacent wall as he seemed to ponder something. “You think about all the things you could have done differently. Things that are so obvious in hindsight,” he sighed and adjusted his glasses. “If only it were that clear in the moment.” He looked up at me, clasping his hands together. “So walk me through what happened.”
I could still vividly remember the moment Tenga got shot. Everything happened in the blink of an eye. So quickly in fact, that it even took Tenga a moment to realize there was a hole in his torso. Minutes of continuous tension shattered with a hail of gunfire lasting less than a second. The echoes continued to howl through the mountains long after the bodies met the snow. My friend was fatally wounded, the snow around him dyed bright red with his blood. And I had to leave him.
The entire time I was in the belly of the federation destroyer with danger lurking around every corner, all I wanted to do was to get this done as quickly as possible and get back to him. I was enraged that they’d done this to him and to billions just like him.
“Tenga was all I thought about the entire time,” I croaked. “And I…I was willing to kill everyone onboard to get back to him, even if there was no way I ever could. I… did things I could never have imagined myself doing even just days ago. I tore a chunk out of my leg just to be able to get to the Krakotl pinning me down with a crowbar.” I inhaled deeply, staring down at my reflection in the water, recalling my bloodshot eyes in the reflection of the ship's monitor. The grimly colorful bloodstains in my fur from several different species.
Rayner nodded. “It was a desperate situation. Many don’t see themselves doing things like that until they’re put in a situation where it's necessary. A situation where it's do or die. No one can fault you for that, especially not with all that depended on you.”
“I guess I just…It’s just worrying knowing that there’s a part of me capable of that.”
The doctor tapped his pen on his notepad as he seemed to think for a moment. “Do you worry that you may have violent outbursts?”
I scoffed. “Well, the events of a few days ago provided good grounds for worry.”
Rayner nodded. “Aggression is common for PTSD victims. It can be difficult to manage intense emotions when your mind is already dealing with so much.
I shook my head. “That’s not the person I want to be.”
Rayner nodded. “I know Vikri. That’s why it's so crucial for you to talk about this stuff. The less all of this weighs on you, the better you’ll be able to control those emotions when they arise.”
He finished writing on his notepad before taking off his glasses and leaning forward slightly. “So what happened to Tenga?”
The question made my heart sink. My mind went quiet. The second hand of time sounded like the footsteps of a giant marching toward…something. My body seemed to go cold and numb. “He died…” I croaked, staring down at the table. That was the first time I’d admitted that to myself verbally in such a direct way. “And I tried so hard,” I choked, tears now streaming down my face. “I did everything in my power to save him. I even put Querek’s life in danger.”
I felt the heat. I could feel cold water dripping from my paws as the burning ship melted the frost accumulating in my fur. I remembered the terrifying hopelessness that gripped me as I gripped Querek and pushed him into the snow. He tried to sacrifice himself for Tenga. What if I had let him? Would it have even worked? Could Tenga accept that?
I recalled the story to Rayner, battling to keep my composure. “I…I watched him die,” I choked. “And I was furious. Reese had to pull me off of him. I wanted to do…something, anything, but…he told them not to bring him back. I think he…” I winced at the thought of him considering this. “I think he’d rather have died sacrificing himself over…going rabid.”
Silence perforated the room for what felt like several long minutes. Rayner sat with his legs crossed, his hand propped up against his mouth. He seemed to become lost in thought for a moment before speaking. “I know how that guilt feels,” he admitted quietly.
I looked at him, somewhat surprised. “You do?”
Rayner nodded, rubbing his hands together. “My son,” he said plainly, taking a long pause before he continued. “He and Jesse were very close as kids. Practically brothers.” He tapped on his clipboard with his pen. “I was…not so available in those days. I was a very different man than I am now. I was still in school. I was always busy, always stressed. I hadn't even considered becoming a therapist. I was deadset on becoming a neurosurgeon.” He scoffed at himself, his head gently shaking back and forth as his gaze grew distant. His delivery lacked that matter-of-fact candor I was so used to by now. He was much quieter; less animated. His eye contact was sporadic and he never stopped fidgeting with his pen. Everything about him seemed suddenly mired in an emotion that was difficult to read. That was when I saw everything we'd done over the past few days for what it really was. Rayner wasn't invincible. He never claimed to be. He was hurt; I could hear it in his voice. He wasn't a person reaching down into the mud and yanking me out by the nape of the neck. He was man covered in mud himself. He wasn't an untouchable hero. Merely a guide.
He continued as that realization struck me. “I loved him as much as a father could. But I was so busy that…well I wasn't there as much as I'd like to have been. That put a big strain on our relationship.” He removed his glasses and wiped the lenses a few times before he continued. “One night we got into an argument. He’d just gotten his license. He had an old beat-up car I'd bought him for his birthday,” he chuffed. “A teen’s first car is always…eccentric. Thought it was a great deal at the time.” He sighed and nodded slightly before continuing. “He left the house enraged, speeding down the road. After a few miles, he lost control, swerved off the road, and hit a tree head-on. The airbag never deployed. The car crumpled like a soda can.”
I stared at him, speechless as he concluded in a near-whisper. “He was declared dead at the scene.”
The room felt hollow for a few long seconds. I searched for a reply but couldn't fathom the right words to say. Fortunately, Rayner didn't stay silent for long. “Like you, I blamed myself for a long…long time.” He sighed. “And it nearly destroyed me.”
I stared at the floor, fidgeting with my tail. “How did you…overcome that?”
“Well it didn't happen overnight,” he replied, flashing a brief smile. “It takes time but, at some point, you have to carry on living. You have to continue loving.” His eyes creased slightly as he looked down at his own hands. “You have to keep loving,” he repeated in a low whisper.
Loud silence claimed the room again as his words sank in. He was right. It was either accept what happened or live like this forever. Looking at it that pragmatically, the choice seemed easy. Emotions are never so logical though. It wasn’t as if he relieved himself of that burden either, it was obvious he still carried it. It just…didn’t weigh as much now. Not because it got lighter, but because he got stronger. I eased into speaking again. “I…I'm sorry. About your son.”
Rayner nodded. “I'm sorry about your friend.”
We both stewed in silence for a minute before Rayner spoke up. “We’ll send you home today.”
“You…really think I’m ready?”
Rayner nodded slowly. “I think so. The medication seems to be working, you haven’t had any breakdowns since you’ve been here. You’ve gotten much better at discussing these things. I think you’re equipped to face this now.”
“...I’m afraid,” I croaked.
“Of what?” Rayner asked, leaning forward
“Of…seeing Lucky again. I'm doubting whether I even should. I was never prepared to be her master. I’m just a danger to her.”
“Vikri,” Rayner exhaled and leaned forward. “You made a mistake. We all do. But you have a responsibility to her. You should at least see her and face that mistake, or you’ll never have closure. What you decide after that is your choice, but I don’t think it’ll be as bad as you think.”
“I hope so,” I sighed.
Rayner clicked his pen and set his notepad aside. “We’ve made you some medication to take home, same stuff you've been taking. The plan is to keep lowering the dosage until you’re sleeping without it. We’ve made you some sheets with all the daily doses on them and when to take each one. It’s enough to last you two weeks, then once they’re out, you’ll come back here for another session, then if you need it, we’ll get you more and keep weaning you off them.”
He leaned forward, emphasizing his next words. “And I cannot recommend enough that you go to Jesse’s support group in between our meetings. Those will help you tremendously, I’m sure of it.”
I nodded. “I have his number. I’ll…I’ll give it a shot.”
“You won't regret it,” Rayner assured me. “Jesse was in the same chair as you not too long ago for similar reasons. He has knowledge from first-hand experience. I can vouch for him, he’s a great guy.” He inhaled. “Well, is there anything else Vikri? We won’t be seeing each other again for a while, so if there’s anything else, now’s the time to talk about it.”
I thought for a second. We’d covered almost everything. I’d never discussed those days in so much detail. It felt like being submerged in icy water. It was miserable at first, but over time it became easier, even comfortable. I’d relived so much pain over the last three days, but here at the end of the whole story, It felt less like a nightmare, and more like reality. “No, I don’t think so,” I finally replied.
“Then I’ll clear you to go home. Andrea is here, she’ll give you a ride, I’m sure. Here.” He reached over and handed me a small business card. “That has all my contact information on it. I’m usually here in my office until late at night, so feel free to call if you need anything. If the sedative gives you any issues at all, any side effects, make sure to call and let me know. We followed the recipe to a tee, but it’s wise to be cautious.”
A familiar silence flooded the room as Rayner and I seemed to, for the first time, have nothing left to say. Finally, the doctor spoke. “See you in two weeks, Vikri.”
///////////////////////////////
Golden strands of light danced between the digits of my paw as I moved it in front of the brilliant summer sun. An intense beacon of warmth floating in a sky as blue as Earth’s oceans. The rumble of Andy’s car occupied the air as we cruised down the highway. Vivri was sound asleep in the backseat. The gentle white noise and vibration seemed to knock her out cold. I watched the sunrays dance as I waved my paw in front of me, before turning it around. Several spots on my paw still had obvious scars. I even still had burn scars from the electrical systems aboard the crumbling Cardinal.
I curled my paw closed into a fist and rested my head against it, watching the lush, green mountains pass by in the distance. After three days I was set loose into the world once again, hopefully better armed than I was before. Even after all the weight I doffed from my shoulders in Rayner’s office, a crushing mass still rested on my chest. Lucky.
The weight only became heavier as the car slowed, and rounded a corner into the parking lot of a large animal hospital. Andy gently brought the car to a stop in a parking space in front of the entrance. Occasionally people would walk in and out with their pets, many of which were dogs on leashes.
Vivri stirred awake after we stopped. “Oh…We’re here,” she muttered nervously. “There’s…a lot more animals here than I was expecting.”
Andy chuckled. “It’s an animal hospital girl, there’s gonna be all kinds of critters here.”
I turned around to face her. “You don’t have to go in there. You and Andy can wait here.”
Andy scoffed. “You might wanna tell Rayner they screwed up those meds, ‘cause you’re delusional if you think I’m letting you go in there by yourself.”
“Well I don’t want her to be alone out here,” I argued.
“I’ll go in, just…stay close, please?” Vivri interjected.
I looked back at her, ears tilted. She was dead serious. I sighed and shook my head. “This is gonna be a disaster,” I groaned.
Andy opened her door. “I’ll wait with her in the lobby, you go talk to the vets. It’ll be fine.”
I looked back at Vivri one last time as Andy stepped out. “Alright, just stay away from the cats.” I opened my door and began stepping out into the summer air.
“C-cats?”
“Small felines. They're demons with mind control,” I replied just before closing the door.
Vivri scrambled out of the car and followed right on my heels. “Well don’t just leave me!” she squeaked.
I laughed. “I’m kidding. Well, mostly.”
Walking into the building, I realized that Lucky had been in a very similar place as me over the past three days. The lobby felt eerily similar to the one at the medical center. Everything went silent as Vivri and I walked in. Immediately I could feel dozens of eyes on us. Vivri hid close behind me as Andy gestured for me to follow her to the desk.
I doubted any of the humans there meant any harm, but dozens of binocular eyes snapping onto her in an instant had Vivri more unsettled than she already was. It didn’t help that several dogs were either on leashes or in carriers in the lobby, which were no doubt just as curious. I grabbed Viv’s paw. “They don't see many Venlil,” I whispered. “Just ignore them.”
I approached the desk with Vivri still hiding behind me. “E-excuse me?” I stuttered. The woman at the desk looked up, clearly caught off guard by two venlil standing before her. “O-oh! Excuse me, you must be Lucky’s owner, right?”
“Yeah. Vikri.” I could feel Vivri shivering behind me.
“I’ll let Doctor Gavin know you’re here.”
“Thanks,” I muttered before turning to Vivri. “Are you sure about this?” I whispered.
“Of course! It’s just for a few minutes, right?” Her body language gave an entirely different answer. She seemed like she might faint at any moment.
I looked up at Andy. “Keep her close, would you?”
Andy wrapped her arms over Viv’s shoulders. “Of course. I’ll keep little Vivi safe from all the big, bad puppy dogs and mean kitties,” she said in baby speak, twisting her side to side. She giggled. “We’ll be fine.” Her tone suddenly shifted as she locked eyes with me. “Will you?”
I stood there in silence for a moment. This entire time my heart felt unbearably heavy. Standing there, I felt nauseous. So much so that I made it a point to know exactly where the bathroom was when I walked in. The weight on my chest made breathing a laborious task. I heaved in a deep breath. “I don’t know,” I admitted. “I don’t know what’s going to happen in there but…I have to do this. For both of us.”
Andy exhaled and nodded, seemingly just as nervous for me. Right on cue, the door at the back of the room opened with a heavy click. “Vikri?” a male voice called out. An older gentleman in burgundy scrubs surveyed the room. It didn’t take long for him to find me. He nodded toward me as he adjusted his glasses. “Right this way, please.”
“We’ll be right here,” Andy whispered, her hands still resting around Viv’s shoulders, who agreed with a tail flick.
I nodded and walked toward the man, leaving the cozy waiting room behind, and entering a long, sterile hallway. The doctor’s shoes clicked against the tile as he walked just in front of me. The weight bearing down on my chest only got heavier with each step. After a few agonizing seconds, the man finally spoke up as he stopped outside a door. “I’m Doctor Gavin,” he said breathily, extending a hand. “I performed Lucky’s surgery.”
I took his hand with my paw, which he could no doubt tell was trembling by this point. “Vikri,” I choked. “S-so…How is she?”
“She’s good,” Gavin answered in a higher pitch. “She’s recovering remarkably fast. Really lived up to her name.” He opened the door and stepped through into a kennel area as he continued. “The bullet hit one of her ribs and shattered. A couple of fragments pierced her lung, one of them was just inches from her heart. There’re still a few very small ones lodged in her tissue, but we’d be doing more harm than good by trying to remove them. They shouldn’t cause any issues and come out on their own after some time, but we’ll keep track of them with x-rays.”
As he spoke we passed by kennels, some empty, some with dogs that barked or jumped up on the cage as we passed. I scoured each one for Lucky, my dread building with each one we passed. Suddenly, the doctor stopped in front of me. He inhaled deeply. “I should mention…Given the…circumstances of how she got these injuries, me and some staff will stay with you just in case she becomes aggressive. That’s not to say that I think she will,” he added hastily, “she’s been great with everyone here but…you know, just to be safe.”
“I get it,” I breathed. It made sense. If Lucky attacked me, it would be far more deadly than it would be for a human. And I was confident even a human wouldn’t last long against a half-wolf her size. Fittingly, a group of four humans were gathered at the end of the hallway, catchers in hand.
Time seemed to slow as I approached the pen. The staff members all looked over at me with the same anxious expression. I felt like a prisoner walking toward my judgment, and that perhaps it was me that belonged behind these cages. I swallowed and took a long, slow breath as Gavin opened the gate. He walked in ahead of me. “Hey there big girl,” he said in a chipper tone. I heard the familiar thumping of Lucky’s tail against the floor. Gavin chuckled to himself as the remaining four staff calmly and quietly filed into the pen. Once they were all inside, the final human leaned around the corner, looked me in the eyes for a long second, and nodded once.
A new reality awaited around that corner. My sentence was about to be read. It felt so cripplingly helpless; wanting so desperately to finally be reunited with my best friend, yet trembling at the thought of rounding a corner to run face-first into the consequences of my actions. I steeled myself one last time. I nodded back at the catcher and took slow, deliberate steps toward him. I finally rounded the corner, and for the first time since the incident, I saw Lucky.
She lay on a large, fabric bed, with food and water bowls close by. Her right front leg was bound in a cast, tied up close to her body. A large patch of fur had been shaved away around her chest and halfway up her neck. She seemed thinner than I remembered. It reminded me of the scared, hungry pup I’d met so long ago.
Her eyes tracked onto mine instantly, and I felt an ache that defied all imagination. The same gaze that would send almost any other Venlil scrambling down the hallway instead gripped some inner part of me in a cold, numb stasis. I couldn’t move. Part of me wanted to run to her and spill out how sorry I was. Another wanted to curl up on the floor right there and sob, returning to that familiar numbness that seemed akin to the ancient enemy of life itself. The cold. That bitterness that pierced through fur, through flesh, through bones, and any ideal held by the naive child that sat next to Tenga’s corpse that day. It ran through until there was nothing left.
Then, I felt a warmth as if someone had draped a blanket over me. I gripped my poncho around my shoulders, grabbing it tightly. I made a quiet promise to myself there and then. Not a promise to my sister, or my parents, or Andrea. Me. I wouldn’t lie down in the cold. Never again. One more hill.
“Hey Lucky,” I said, my voice coarse and breaking every syllable.
The silence was abruptly broken as Lucky, though seemingly frail, shot to her feet. Everyone in the room shifted, prepared for the worst. I didn’t dare move, but I could feel my heart pounding in my legs, my body preparing to bolt. The staff watched her carefully, their grip slightly tightened around their polls. Lucky made no sounds, only stared at me, her nostrils flaring as she gathered my scent. Her right front leg was useless, immobilized against her body. She shifted her footing to steady herself. Then I saw something that replaced fear with tears. She was shaking like a leaf, never taking her eyes off me. She could care less about the others. She was scared. Of me.
I felt myself fall off a ledge in a sensation I’d become all too familiar with over the last few weeks. Tears streamed down my face, my breath hitching as I brought my paws up to my face. I fell to my knees, the presence of the staff had become irrelevant. “I’m…I’m sorry,” I exhaled between gasps. “I’m so sorry.”
So there it was. My new reality. It wasn’t what I’d hoped for, but it was what I expected. I didn’t know what I’d do then, and I didn’t know now. Could I go on without Lucky? She was the one fortress in the turbulent seas of my broken mind. She was the one I could always count on. The one that I knew would always be there, no matter what. Now I was convinced she was terrified of me.
I sat there a shattered mess for a long moment, tumbling off that cliff and reaching out for anything to catch myself, but found nothing but jagged stones. I felt a hand on my shoulder, Doctor Gavin attempting to comfort me, I assumed. Until I felt something touch my knee. I looked up, thrown out of the spiral abruptly. Lucky was now just in front of me, licking my leg. I froze, confused. She gently laid down, careful of her bandaged leg as she rested her head on my leg, looking up at me. That was the same leg she’d broken months ago. Finally, I got it. “I hurt you, and you still loved me.”
A wave of relief rushed through me and I looked down at her, eyes glossy with tears. I bent down and rested my head against hers. I laughed, though it sounded more like a sob. For the first time in days, I felt whole again.
Lucky still loved me.
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To be in a successful relationship with a man you kind of have to be a mind reader. If a man has a problem or you did something annoying he’ll never tell you directly. Hell just give you the silent treatment. If you ask him about it he does one of two things: a) tells you you’re crazy, b) just gets even colder and more distant.
I don’t know what my boyfriend’s deal is but I know I must have done something wrong. It’s been a whole month since we saw each other in person. We’ve been dating since November 2022 and have had our ups and downs but things were getting better and now he’s giving me the cold shoulder again. He still texts me every day but it feels like I’m talking to someone from work or something. He’s not acting flirtatious anymore and I don’t know what I did to ruin it. Is it because when he flirted with me I flirted back instead of playing hard to get? Also whenever I try to bring up that I’d like us to spend a little time together in person he sort of glosses over it.
For instance there was an event that both of us would like coming up next week. I brought it up to him and asked if he’d like to go with me. He said he’d love to go but he didn’t add “with you” which implies he doesn’t want to go with me at all and would prefer to attend the event solo so he doesn’t have to be around me.
I also also asked him a week ago if he’d like to see each other that weekend. He said yes but when I asked about a time he never got back to me and we ended up not going at all.
Clearly I did something to give him the ick. But he’s not going to tell me what I did wrong which means I have to figure it out and he most likely won’t go back to his normal loving self because once men get all cold and withdraw you will never see their sweet side again. I know from experience. Once that side of them disappears, there is no getting it back. I guess the only thing I can do is block him because he’s not going to tell me what I did wrong.
And the cycle repeats. Over and over and over again, because I am not intelligent enough to be relationship material for a man. I don’t have any of that women’s intuition stuff I’m supposed to which is what a man looks for. If partner does something that annoys him, he doesn’t want to communicate with them because if they can’t figure out what it is without asking questions, they are not the one. I am probably never going to have sex again. Can I call myself an incel now?

Computer Type: Desktop
GPU: Radeon RX 7800XT
CPU: Ryzen 5 7600X
Motherboard: MSI Pro-B650-S Wifi
BIOS Version: 7E26v1A
RAM: 2*16GB Corsair Vengeance 6000 MHz CL36 AMD EXPO
PSU: Corsair RM850x
Case: DeepCool CG650
Operating System & Version: WINDOWS 11 Family
GPU Drivers: AMD Graphics Drivers 23.40.02
Chipset Drivers: AMD CHipset Driver 6.02.22.053
Background Applications: AMD Adrenalin, Google Drive
Description of Original Problem:
Here is my problem. I start my pc and begin to play a game, it will works fine for 30min to 1h depending on the game, and then the MoBo seems to "restart", the pc stutters, becomes very laggy, all the usb and ethernet ports desactivates and reactivates (I don't have internet for several minutes and my headset which is connected via USB don't works for several minutes too). I restart my pc and all work fine, and no problem until I will shut it down at the end of the day and cold start it the next day.
One strange thing is that yesterady I tried to cold start it and directly restart it, and I thought it will works fine, but not. It is like the pc is waiting for something to crash to allow me to restart it properly.
I tried several things but for now I cannot get rid of this problem.
If someone has/had the same problem or anyone has a magical solution i'm all ears.
Thanks in advance.

We’re one week into Ferber and it’s going really well for the most part. We’re working on night sleep first and then will move to naps.
We went cold turkey on pacifier use to get to sleep and through the night. We also changed up our bedtime routine to change the fact that he often fell asleep during his bedtime bottle.
He’s now going down in his crib wide awake and the amount he’s whinged or cried has reduced each day and has been about 30-40 seconds for the last few days! Our contact napping baby is going so well! We’ve also been able to use the techniques for the 5:30 wake ups to get him back to sleep which I was surprised about because of the lack of sleep pressure then.
However, there have been a few instances of waking and crying in the night. Sometimes he stirs and self settles which is great but there are times when he’s crying for a while and we doing 3/5/10 before he’ll get back to sleep. Is it normal that it can be more work to get him back to sleep during the night rather than the first put down. Is this something that should continue to improve with time and practice? It’s sometimes because he’s rolled onto his front and can’t roll back but he’s sometimes just crying out! He’s still having a night feed so not a hunger thing and not currently teething.
Thank you!

Okay friends and South Australians, here is the beginning of Sir Doug Nicholls Round(s) for 2024, as several clubs get taken over by their First Nations counterparts, mainly Melbourne getting merged out of existence by Narrm, and we also come closer to the 1-year anniversary of Sam Durham sending Damien Hardwick over the edge in the Dreamtime game.
On that note, what a set of games that we can't see on the fixture bar because some people don't bother updating things:

• The Suns and Cats in Darwin, in the random slot of a Thursday night, which marks Geelong's first game in the Northern Territory, the one territory of the Australian mainland they haven't won a game in
  
• The Marn Grook Game has the Swans hosting Carlton for another year, a game that will no doubt be dominated by mentions of umpiring decisions on the Match Thread.
  
• Collingwood host Kuwarna at the MCG, and hopefully Kuwarna can go a bit better in a close game against Collingwood than the Adelaide Crows did in 2022 and 2023
  
• The hated rivals GWS and the Western Bulldogs meet at Giants Stadium, which will probably be wet because it is Sydney
  
• Euro-Yroke and Walyalup go at it on Saturday night, which could feature a controversial moment like many other during St Kilda and Fremantle games
  
• A Bottom 6 borefest as Brisbane host Richmond at The Gabba, with Richmond only 1 injury away from having to bring Relton Roberts out of retirement
  
• Essendon host North Melbourne at Marvel, seeking to knock off North for the umpteenth time in a row in a streak dating back to 2017
  
• A rare sighting of a 2:50/3:20pm game on a Sunday afternoon (Only the second one this year) as Yartapuulti host Hawthorn in Adelaide, and I'd back Port Adelaide to win this by at least 10 goals, but Yartapuulti haven't played for 11 months, so they could be a bit cold to start
  
• The last game into Sunday evening sees Waalitj Marawar taking on Naarm at Optus Stadium, and Naarm haven't won a game since their debut in Round 10 of 2022... which was against North Melbourne so it's validity is up for debate.
  

Odd fact, if the Dees win it'll match their longest winning streak against the Eagles (4 wins, which they achieved from 1988-90)
THURSDAY
Gold Coast vs Geelong - TIO Stadium (Darwin), 7pm ACST
FRIDAY
Sydney Swans vs Carlton - SCG, 7:40pm AEST
SATURDAY
Collingwood vs Kuwarna - MCG, 1:45pm AEST
GWS Giants vs Western Bulldogs - Engie Stadium, 4:35pm AEST
Euro-Yroke vs Walyalup - Marvel Stadium, 7:30pm AEST
Brisbane Lions vs Richmond - Gabba, 7:30pm AEST
SUNDAY
Essendon vs North Melbourne - Marvel Stadium, 1pm AEST
Yartapuulti vs Hawthorn - Adelaide Oval, 2:50pm ACST
Waalitj Marawar vs Narrm - Optus Stadium, 4:20pm AWST
Milestones
200 games for Taylor Duryea (118 with Hawthorn, 82nd game for the Bulldogs)
150 games for Jesse Hogan , Jack Martin , Josh Dunkley
100 games for Matt Guelfi , John Noble , Tom Cole
Sam Collins' 100th game for the Gold Coast

Hi!!!
We live in New Hampshire (USA)
So im wondering what our landlord could or may do to us if we put the air conditioner we bought into our window ourselves after last Thursday we called to ask her if it was okay to put it in our back window and she said she doesnt care if we have one but she only wants her son who is the "maintenance person" (and BARELY even comes around and when he does he is LAZY anyways and never wants to do anything) to be the one to put it in!!! We agreed on it because he was due to be there that afternoon anyways to mow the lawn and so she said he would put it in for us then. But he didn't!!!!! When he got here and we went outside to greet him and talk to him about it 1. She NEVER told him she had told us he would do it so he rolled his eyes and then 2. he was RUDE made comments like "well you can make due until the end of next month when I get back right? I mean what are you cold blooded? It's not even hot out yet" it was 63' that day but every day for a week before that day it was in the 70s and now since last Thursday when he was here it has been in the high 70s and low to mid 80s & the forecast is staying steady with these temperatures going forward!!!
Side note: We don't have screens in our windows and we have an 8week old kitten so to lift the storm windows that go straight outside to get cooler air with a fan or something isn't even an option!!! And en he refused to put our air conditioner in We then asked him to switch the storm windows to the screens instead for now and he said "he'd have to get to it next time"
It is UNBEARABLE in our apartment & As I mentioned we have a brand new kitten who is suffering from this heat as well!!! Our indoor thermometer says it is 91' inside and that is as I'm writing this at 4 AM !!!!
What can she do to us if we just say the hell with this and put it in ourselves??? We aren't idiots we have Installed a TON of acs in our lives!!! She just treats us like we are incompetent which is SO frustrating to be honest!!! & I guess I'm also just wondering since we have been here long enough we are now on a month to month lease - can she evict us?! Or anything like that???
She keeps falling back on the fact we bought an indoor AC unit last year and not only was it not effective for the way our apartment is designed (as in the location of the rooms and whatnot) but it also made our electric bill jump to $280+ a month which is Outrageous since we usually only pay between 60 or 70 a month for electric so that's a ridiculously expensive addition to our expenses of which she isn't paying WE ARE so.... yeaaa but anyways ....
Please help! Because I'm ready to say screw it and my boyfriend is all worried about what she will do if we do just put it in!!!
Thank you!!!

Hey everyone. So I got my license last year, and got into real estate brokerage this year at a firm that does residential and commercial. I knew there would be a lot to learn so I prioritized mentorship as my number one in choosing my brokerage/team.
Now I am on a team and have to pay for prospecting systems and basically everything out of pocket, which I wasn’t quite expecting. There has been zero guidance on what an agent should do regularly to get leads (i.e. door knocking, cold calling, etc.) and I am left uncertain about what I should invest my time, effort and $$ into. I want to work hard, but don’t know which avenues to push myself and efficiently to create business (instead of busy work). The “team” structure appears to be in name only. Not to mention I am not able to shadow the partners and learn from them, so I am not really getting much from the partners, who seem to have no interest in showing me strategies for starting my first year strong. I’m upset. I don’t want to quit the industry, but am hoping for better options and more mentorship as a commercial agent just starting out. Have any of you been through anything similar? Do you have any suggestions?

Also, how would I go about it? Should I contact the building management or start by leaving a friendly letter in my neighbor’s mailbox? Unfortunately, my Japanese is not good enough to bring this up verbally and directly with the neighbor. Before coming at me with hostility, I would ask you to please read the post take the caveats listed at the end into consideration.
Every morning around 8:30, a kid living in the apartment above mine starts running. I know 8:30 isn’t super early which is the main reason why I’m uncertain about this but with my work schedule, by that time I have only gotten a few hours of sleep. I don’t know their situation, but this kid doesn’t go to school and keeps running for hours until my alarm goes off, after which I must get ready for work. This has been going on for weeks and I’m a wreck. It baffles me just how loud the noise is. I’ve tried to sleep through it but I don’t think most people, me included, would ever be able to. It sounds like a heavyset adult running on his heels only but with the gait of a fast ten year old from one room to another. Also, the thing is that just outside the building (no need to cross a road or anything) there’s a massive park that is safe, nice and have lots of kids playing, so I don’t get why the child can’t play there if it’s not cold or raining. Maybe special needs are involved but again, I’m not sure. Are negative consequences likely to follow if I do make the complaint?
As for the caveats:

• I’m not the grumpy neighbor that keeps bothering people – I understand people can’t live on eggshells and that children need to run and make noise to develop, but in the nights and mornings, isn’t this beyond the limit of noise that you should subject your neighbors to? Maybe not at 8:30 A.M.?
• I am concerned about my health and my life in general because like most people, I don’t really function when being sleep deprived for weeks and chronic sleep deprivation is pretty serious.
• I have signed a two-year contract for the apartment and have been living there for a few months and this started a few weeks ago, so I can’t just switch apartments.

Peaks & Valleys Statistics

(Updated to Season 10)
Barely pay attention to UHC at the current moment, but I'm still here to do my stats
Winners ordered by Alive, then Dead, with each ordered by number of kills.
Runner Ups and Third Places ordered by kills. If kills tie, sorted by death order.

Those Who Stand Atop the Peaks

S1: Randehh (3), Brodator, Chasmic (2 each), DogOfKrondor (0)
S2: fruitlogic (3), Chasmic (1)
S3: Eluniel (4), Chasmic (1), Charrlottie (0)
S4: Brodator, jimmyjegs (4 each), Chasmic (2), rippersteveM5, 78ford (0 each)
S5: lexicuhl (5), Greeples (4), jimmyjegs, Klickacat (0 each)
S6: fruitlogic (4), ZebraTonic (0)
S7: Jahrod (5), fruitlogic (2), 78ford (1)
S8: Kaismartypants (4), CrowJRC (3), Jahrod (1), starlxghtmoon (0)
S9: fruitlogic (3), starlxghtmoon (1), jimmyjegs (0), ZebraTonic (1), TheSlimeBrother (0)
S10: Klobb (7), CrowJRC (1)

Runner Ups from the Valley

S1: TorinFBF (2), Klickacat, Jordtim (1 each), Rohcket (0)
S2: Ninetals38 (2), Rohcket (0)
S3: fruitlogic (3), TheSlimeBrother (1), sonmica (0)
S4: WackoFlipper, SpyroJ, itsWingu, TheSlimeBrother, DogOfKrondor (0 each)
S5: Randehh (2), Flouzemaker, ceije, CaptainRichy (0 each)
S6: itsWingu (2), Brodator (1)
S7: Brodator (1), TheSlimeBrother, Flouzemaker (0 each)
S8: Klobb, TheSonicJoey, Brodator (3 each), DancersTalon (0)
S9: Applepie78, itsWingu, TheSonicJoey (2 each), Dj8ninja (1), TheBP (0)
S10: Kaddyn (5 each), RuneTactics (0)

Oh Cod Why, Third Places

S1: Eluniel, Codwhy, WackoFlipper, KatyLawson (0 each)
S2: TheSlimeBrother (3), Codwhy (0)
S3: Greeples, itsWingu (2 each), Codwhy (0)
S4: azoof (6), 527Max, Codwhy (2 each), Klickacat, Flouzemaker (0 each)
S5: fruitlogic (2), MarcC5M, WackoFlipper (1 each), 78ford (0)
S6: TheSonicJoey (3), Greeples (2)
S7: Klickacat (2), CrowJRC (1), jimmyjegs (0)
S8: WackoFlipper (2), fruitlogic (1), Chasmic, Klickacat (0 each)
S9: CAMKART100 (3), Rohcket, CrowJRC (1 each), SpyroJ, DogOfKrondor (0 each)
S10: PowerMC (5), SiahStone (1)

Top Frags and Who They Killed

S1: Randehh (3) (527Max, Codwhy, Klickacat)
S2: fruitlogic/TheSlimeBrother (3) (Fourbitplayer, TheSlimeBrother, Ninetals38/Randehh, CaptainRichy, Rohcket)
S3: Kirbey/Eluniel (4) (TorinFBF, TehBaconBrawlerZ, Klickacat, petdemon/AshleyMashley, TheSlimeBrother, Greeples, fruitlogic)
S4: azoof (6) (Klobb, fruitlogic, Ninetals38, rippersteveM5, Randehh, 78ford)
S5: lexicuhl (5) (itsWingu, Rohcket, Fazz2, fruitlogic, Randehh)
S6: fruitlogic (4) (lexicuhl, Klickacat, TheSonicJoey, Brodator)
S7: Jahrod (5) (SpyroJ, Chasmic, jimmyjegs, CrowJRC, Brodator)
S8: Kaismartypants (4) (ZebraTonic, TheSlimeBrother, Randehh, Ninetals38)
S9: CAMKART100/fruitlogic (3) (Klickacat, CaptainRichy, Dj8ninja/Chasmic, Kaismartypants, TheSonicJoey)
S10: Klobb (7) (DancersTalon, CAMKART100, sonmica, MarcC5M, Klickacat, Kaismartypants, Kaddyn)

Top Frags, but the whole team

Bold = Also won
S1: Brodator, Chasmic, DogOfKrondor, Randehh (7)
S2: Chasmic, fruitlogic (4)
S3: Brodator, Kirbey, WackoFlippeCharrlottie, Chasmic, Eluniel (5 each)
S4: 78ford, Brodator, Chasmic, jimmyjegs, rippersteveM5/527Max, azoof, Codwhy, Flouzemaker, Klickacat (10 each)
S5: Greeples, jimmyjegs, Klickacat, lexicuhl (9)
S6: Greeples, TheSonicJoey (5)
S7: 78ford, fruitlogic, Jahrod (8)
S8: Brodator, DancersTalon, Klobb, TheSonicJoey (9)
S9: Brodator, CaptainRichy, Kaismartypants, Ninetals38, Randehh/Applepie78, Dj8ninja, itsWingu, TheBP, TheSonicJoey (7 each)
S10: CrowJRC, Klobb (8)

First Damage

S1: JoshC2 (Fall Damage)
S2: Eluniel (Fall Damage)
S3: itsWingu (Berry Bush)
S4: SpyroJ (Fall Damage)
S5: Kaismartypants (Fall Damage)
S6: Ninetals38 (Fall Damage)
S7: DancersTalon (Fall Damage)
S8: Kaismartypants (Fall Damage)
S9: Kaismartypants (Fall Damage)
S10: Kaismartypants of fucking course who else would it be honestly (Fall Damage I assume)

Irontals38

S1: Ninetals38
S2: Ninetals38
S3: Ninetals38
S4: itsWingu
S5: Ninetals38
S6: DogOfKrondor
S7: Ninetals38
S8: ZebraTonic
S9: CaptainRichy
S10: brodioh

First Deaths

S1: KatyLawson (blown up by Creeper, E2)
S2: Codwhy (slain by CaptainRichy, E2)
S3: TorinFBF (slain by Kirbey, E4)
S4: DogOfKrondor (slain by Cave Spider, E2)
S5: DancersTalon (shot by Skeleton, E2)
S6: Fazz2 (slain by TheSlimeBrother, E3)
S7: Greeples (slain by Zombie, E2)
S8: ceije (slain by Rohcket, E4)
S9: TheBP (slain by Rohcket, E3)
S10: DancersTalon (slain by Klobb, E2)

First Bloods

S1: JoshC2 (doomed Rohcket to fall, E4)
S2: CaptainRichy (slayed Codwhy, E2)
S3: Kirbey (slayed TorinFBF, E4)
S4: azoof (slayed Klobb, E2)
S5: TheSonicJoey (shot SpyroJ, E4)
S6: TheSlimeBrother (slayed Fazz2, E3)
S7: Klickacat (wolf killed Fazz2, E4)
S8: Rohcket (slayed ceije, E4)
S9: Rohcket (slayed TheBP, E3)
S10: Klobb (slayed DancersTalon, E2)

Last Full Team Alive

S1: 527Max, 798abc, fruitlogic, Ninetals38 (All alive until E6)
S2: Chasmic, fruitlogic (Won in E7)
S3: Charrlottie, Chasmic, Eluniel (All alive until E7)
S4: 78ford, Brodator, Chasmic, jimmyjegs, rippersteveM5 (All alive until E7)
S5: Fazz2, Kaismartypants, Rohcket, sonmica (All alive until E8)
S6: Greeples, TheSonicJoey (All alive until E7)
S7: 78ford, fruitlogic, Jahrod (Won in E7)
S8: Chasmic, fruitlogic, Klickacat, WackoFlipper (All alive until E7)
S9: fruitlogic, jimmyjegs, starlxghtmoon, TheSlimeBrother, ZebraTonic (All alive until E7)
S10: CrowJRC, Klobb (Won in E7)

First Team Out

S1: Greeples, itsWingu, JoshC2, TheSlimeBrother (Eliminated E7)
S2: Eluniel, Klickacat (Eliminated E3)
S3: SpyroJ, TehBaconBrawlerZ, TorinFBF (Eliminated E5)
S4: Jahrod, Klobb, lexicuhl, Rohcket, sonmica (Eliminated E6)
S5: Chasmic, Codwhy, Jahrod, KatyLawson (Eliminated E7)
S6: Fazz2, rippersteveM5 (Eliminated E4)
S7: Fourbitplayer, Greeples, TehBaconBrawlerZ (Eliminated E5)
S8: Codwhy, Dj8ninja, itsWingu, lexicuhl (Eliminated E6)
S9: ceije, Codwhy, ColdBacon, DeRockProject, RuneTactics (Eliminated E6)
S10: Klickacat, petdemon (Eliminated E4)

Mosts

Most Wins: Chasmic/fruitlogic (4)
Most Runner-Ups: TheSlimeBrotheBrodatoitsWingu (3)
Most Third Places: Codwhy (4)
Most First Damages: Kaismartypants (4)
Most First Deaths: DancersTalon (2)
Most First Bloods: Rohcket (2)
Most Iron Mans: Ninetals38 (5)
Most Top Frags: fruitlogic (3)

Kills

1st (19 kills)

• fruitlogic: Fourbitplayer, TheSlimeBrother, Ninetals38 (S2), Rohcket, itsWingu, Chasmic (S3), CaptainRichy, KatyLawson^Fall (S5), lexicuhl, Klickacat, TheSonicJoey, Brodator (S6), Klickacat, DancersTalon (S7), Brodator (S8), Chasmic, Kaismartypants^Lava , TheSonicJoey (S9), TheSlimeBrother (S10)

2nd (14 kills)

• Brodator: 798abc, Eluniel^Fall (S1), Klickacat, azoof, 527Max, WackoFlipper (S4), Greeples (S6), azoof (S7), Rohcket, Greeples, Klickacat (S8), DeRockProject, Codwhy (S9), itsWingu (S10)

3rd (12 kills)

• Randehh: 527Max^Lava , Codwhy, Klickacat (S1), jimmyjegs, Greeples (S5), Fourbitplayer (S7), itsWingu, Codwhy (S8), MarcC5M, ColdBacon (S9), Dj8ninja, Greeples (S10)

4th (11 kills)

• Greeples: Jordtim (S1), H_L_llama (S2), WackoFlipper, Klobb (S3), azoof, sonmica, Kaismartypants^Fall , MarcC5M (S5), Codwhy, CrowJRC (S6), Brodator (S10)
  
• Klobb: jimmyjegs^Fall (S3), H_L_llama, Charrlottie, Applepie78 (S8), DancersTalon, CAMKART100, sonmica, MarcC5M, Klickacat, Kaismartypants, Kaddyn (S10)
  

6th (10 kills)

• lexicuhl: itsWingu, Rohcket, Fazz2, fruitlogic, Randehh (S5), TheSlimeBrother, JoshC2^Teamkill (S6), DancersTalon (S8), Randehh, Brodator (S9)
  
• itsWingu: Eluniel (S2), Charrlottie, Kirbey (S3), H_L_llama, WackoFlipper (S6), TehBaconBrawlerZ (S7), TheSlimeBrother, ZebraTonic (S9), 78ford, DogOfKrondor (S10)
  

8th (9 kills)

• TheSonicJoey: SpyroJ (S5), azoof, DogOfKrondor^Wolf , Applepie78 (S6), WackoFlipper, Chasmic, fruitlogic (S8), SpyroJ, CAMKART100 (S9)

9th (8 kills)

• azoof: Klobb, fruitlogic, Ninetals38, rippersteveM5, Randehh, 78ford (S4), Charrlottie^Teamkill , Klickacat (S5)
  
• Kaismartypants: TheSonicJoey (S5), ZebraTonic, TheSlimeBrother, Randehh, Ninetals38 (S8), ceije, lexicuhl (S9), starlxghtmoon (S10)
  
• CrowJRC: Ninetals38, Kaismartypants (S6), Kaddyn (S7), TheBP, TheSonicJoey, Klobb (S8), Greeples (S9), CommanderK22_ (S10)
  

12th (7 kills)

• Chasmic: Ninetals38^Wolf , TorinFBF (S1), Greeples (S2), sonmica (S3), sonmica^Fall , Flouzemaker (S4), WackoFlipper^Fall (S5)
  
• TheSlimeBrother: Randehh, CaptainRichy, Rohcket (S2), Ninetals38 (S3), Brodator (S5), Fazz2, rippersteveM5 (S6)
  

14th (6 kills)

• WackoFlipper: Jordtim, itsWingu (S2), SpyroJ (S3), Jahrod (S5), starlxghtmoon, Jahrod (S8)
  
• Rohcket: DogOfKrondor (S3), Codwhy, TorinFBF, Ninetals38 (S5), ceije (S8), TheBP (S9)
  
• Codwhy: TorinFBF^Lava , TheSlimeBrother (S4), 78ford (S5), Chrissadilla, jimmyjegs (S6), ColdBacon (S10)
  
• Jahrod: SpyroJ, Chasmic, jimmyjegs, CrowJRC, Brodator (S7), Dj8ninja (S8)
  
• Kaddyn: itsWingu (S7), Applepie78, Ninetals38, brodioh, SiahStone, PowerMC (S5)
  

19th (5 kills)

• Applepie78: Flouzemaker, itsWingu (S6), TommySuX^Wolf (S8), Rohcket, Ninetals38 (S9)
  
• PowerMC: dashdude, Flouzemaker, Jahrod, Randehh, RuneTactics (S10)
  

21st (4 kills)

• Ninetals38: 798abc, Brodator (S2), Codwhy (S4), Flouzemaker (S8)
  
• Kirbey: TorinFBF, TehBaconBrawlerZ, Klickacat, petdemon (S3)
  
• Eluniel: AshleyMashley, TheSlimeBrother, Greeples, fruitlogic (S3)
  
• jimmyjegs: Rohcket^Fall , Jahrod, lexicuhl, SpyroJ (S4)
  
• TommySuX: Flouzemaker, Ninetals38 (S7), lexicuhl, DogOfKrondor (S8)
  

26th (3 kills)

• TorinFBF: itsWingu, Greeples (S1), TheSlimeBrother (S5)
  
• Klickacat: fruitlogic (S1), Fazz2^Wolf , TommySuX (S7)
  
• 527Max: Klickacat (S2), Jordtim, itsWingu (S4)
  
• Fazz2: Chasmic, Eluniel (S5), azoof (S8)
  
• CAMKART100: Klickacat, CaptainRichy, Dj8ninja (S9)
  
• CommanderK22_: SpyroJ, Codwhy, fruitlogic (S10)
  

32nd (2 kills)

• CaptainRichy: Codwhy (S2), RuneTactics (S9)
  
• Fourbitplayer: 527Max, WackoFlipper (S2)
  
• ColdBacon: TheSonicJoey, Chrominize (S10)
  

30th (1 kill)

• JoshC2: Rohcket^Fall (S1)
  
• Jordtim: JoshC2^Fall (S1)
  
• H_L_llama: Klobb (S2)
  
• TehBaconBrawlerZ: Brodator (S3)
  
• AshleyMashley: azoof (S3)
  
• MarcC5M: ceije (S5)
  
• Flouzemaker: ZebraTonic (S6)
  
• DancersTalon: Randehh (S7)
  
• SpyroJ: TheSlimeBrother (S7)
  
• 78ford: lexicuhl (S7)
  
• Dj8ninja: DogOfKrondor (S9)
  
• ZebraTonic: CrowJRC (S9)
  
• starlxghtmoon: Applepie78 (S9)
  
• SiahStone: AesirZeus (S10)
  

44th (0 kills)

• 798abc, AesirZeus, brodioh, ceije, Charrlottie, Chrissadilla, Chrominize, dashdude, DeRockProject, DogOfKrondor, Karasu994, KatyLawson, petdemon, rippersteveM5, RuneTactics, sonmica, TheBP

Historic First Place Killers

S1: Randehh (3)
S2: Randehh/Chasmic/fruitlogic/TheSlimeBrother (3)
S3: fruitlogic (6)
S4: fruitlogic/azoof/BrodatoChasmic (6)
S5: fruitlogic/azoof/Greeples (8)
S6: fruitlogic (12)
S7: fruitlogic (14)
S8: fruitlogic (15)
S9: fruitlogic (18)
S10: fruitlogic (19)

KDR

5.00

• PowerMC (5 kills, 1 death)

4.00

• Kirbey (4 kills, 1 death)

3.17

• fruitlogic (19 kills, 6 deaths)

3.00

• Kaddyn (6 kills, 2 deaths)
  
• CommanderK22_ (3 kills, 1 death)
  

2.75

• Klobb (11 kills, 4 deaths)

2.67

• CrowJRC (8 kills, 3 deaths)

2.00

• lexicuhl (10 kills, 5 deaths)
  
• Kaismartypants (8 kills, 4 deaths)
  
• TommySuX (4 kills, 2 deaths)
  

1.80

• TheSonicJoey (9 kills, 5 deaths)

1.75

• Brodator (14 kills, 8 deaths)

1.71

• Randehh (12 kills, 7 deaths)

1.50

• Jahrod (6 kills, 4 deaths)
  
• CAMKART100 (3 kills, 2 deaths)
  

1.40

• Chasmic (7 kills, 5 deaths)

1.33

• azoof (8 kills, 6 deaths)
  
• Eluniel (4 kills, 3 deaths)
  

1.25

• Applepie78 (5 kills, 4 deaths)

1.22

• Greeples (10 kills, 8 deaths)

1.00

• itsWingu (10 kills, 10 deaths)
  
• 527Max, starlxghtmoon (3 kills, 3 deaths)
  
• Fourbitplayer, ColdBacon (2 kills, 2 deaths)
  
• AshleyMashley, Kaddyn (1 kill, 1 death)
  

0.86

• WackoFlipper, Rohcket (6 kills, 7 deaths)

0.80

• jimmyjegs (4 kills, 5 deaths)

0.75

• TorinFBF, Fazz2 (3 kills, 4 deaths)

0.70

• TheSlimeBrother (7 kills, 10 deaths)

0.67

• CaptainRichy (2 kills, 3 deaths)

0.60

• Codwhy (6 kills, 10 deaths)

0.50

• JoshC2, TehBaconBrawlerZ (1 kill, 2 deaths)

0.40

• Ninetals38 (4 kills, 10 deaths)

0.33

• H_L_llama, DancersTalon, Jordtim, MarcC5M, 78ford, Dj8ninja (1 kill, 3 deaths)

0.30

• Klickacat (3 kills, 10 deaths)

0.25

• DancersTalon, ZebraTonic (1 kill, 4 deaths)

0.17

• Flouzemaker, SpyroJ (1 kill, 6 deaths)

Didn't Even Die to a Player

Skeleton (3)

• WackoFlipper (S1), DancersTalon (S5), Codwhy (S7)

Fall Damage (3)

• TheSlimeBrother (S1), Flouzemaker (S5), Fazz2 (S8)

Zombie (3)

• DogOfKrondor (S1), Greeples (S7), petdemon (S10)

Creeper (2)

• KatyLawson (S1), Codwhy (S3)

Cave Spider (1)

• DogOfKrondor (S4)

Enderman (1)

• ZebraTonic (S5)

Ender Pearl (1)

• itsWingu (S9)

Participation Trophies

Perfect Attendance Club (7)

• Codwhy, Brodator, fruitlogic, itsWingu, Klickacat, Ninetals38, TheSlimeBrother (S1-S10)

9 seasons (1)

• Greeples (S1-S3,S5-S10)

8 seasons (2)

• Chasmic (S1-S5,S7-S9), Randehh (S1,S2,S4,S5,S7-S10)

7 seasons (3)

• WackoFlipper (S1-S6,S8), Rohcket (S1-S5,S8,S9), DogOfKrondor (S1,S3,S4,S6,S8-S10)

6 seasons (5)

• azoof (S3-S8), jimmyjegs (S3-S7,S9), lexicuhl (S4-S9), SpyroJ (S3-S5,S7,S9,S10), Flouzemaker (S4-S8,S10)

5 Seasons (5)

• Klobb (S2-S4,S8), Jahrod (S4,S5,S7,S8), Kaismartypants, TheSonicJoey (S5,S6,S8-S10), CrowJRC (S6-S10)

4 Seasons (9)

• Eluniel (S1-S3,S5), TorinFBF (S1,S3-S5), sonmica (S3-S5,S10), Charrlottie (S3,S5,S8,S10), 78ford (S4,S5,S7,S10), Fazz2 (S5-S8), ZebraTonic (S5,S6,S8,S9), DancersTalon (S5,S7,S8,S10), Applepie78 (S6,S8-S10)

3 Seasons (8)

• 527Max, Jordtim (S1,S2,S4), CaptainRichy (S2,S5,S9), H_L_llama (S2,S6,S8), ceije (S5,S8,S9), MarcC5M (S5,S9,S10), starlxghtmoon, Dj8ninja (S8-S10)

2 Seasons (13)

• 798abc (S1,S2), KatyLawson (S1,S5), JoshC2 (S1,S6), Fourbitplayer (S2,S7), TehBaconBrawlerZ (S3,S7), petdemon (S3,S10), rippersteveM5 (S4,S6), TommySuX (S7,S8), Kaddyn (S7,S10), TheBP (S8,S9), CAMKART100, RuneTactics, ColdBacon (S9,S10)

One Hit Wonders (12)

• AshleyMashley, Kirbey (S3), Chrissadilla (S6), DeRockProject (S9), CommanderK22_, Karasu994, brodioh, dashdude, SiahStone, AesirZeus, PowerMC, Chrominize (S10)

Extra Participations (That don't count for stats)

• S2: KatyLawson (Shopkeeper), ColdBacon (Spectator)
  
• S3: 527Max (Spectator)
  
• S5: 527Max (Spectator)
  
• S6: ColdBacon, pigghetti (Spectators)
  
• S7: pigghetti, nFang (Spectators)
  
• S8: Fcrm, pigghetti (Spectators)
  
• S9: Fcrm (Spectator)
  
• S10: Fcrm (Spectator)
  

Debutants

• S1 (20): Codwhy, 527Max, 798abc, Brodator, Chasmic, DogOfKrondor, Eluniel, fruitlogic, Greeples, itsWingu, Jordtim, JoshC2, KatyLawson, Klickacat, Ninetals38, Randehh, Rohcket, TheSlimeBrother, TorinFBF, WackoFlipper
  
• S2 (4): CaptainRichy, Fourbitplayer, H_L_llama, Klobb
  
• S3 (9): AshleyMashley, azoof, Charrlottie, jimmyjegs, Kirbey, petdemon, sonmica, SpyroJ, TehBaconBrawlerZ
  
• S4 (5): 78ford, Flouzemaker, Jahrod, lexicuhl, rippersteveM5
  
• S5 (7): ceije, Fazz2, Kaismartypants, MarcC5M, DancersTalon, TheSonicJoey, ZebraTonic
  
• S6 (3): Applepie78, Chrissadilla, CrowJRC
  
• S7 (2): Kaddyn, TommySuX
  
• S8 (3): Dj8ninja, starlxghtmoon, TheBP
  
• S9 (4): CAMKART100, ColdBacon, DeRockProject, RuneTactics
  
• S10 (8): CommanderK22_, Karasu994, brodioh, dashdude, SiahStone, AesirZeus, PowerMC, Chrominize
  

I wrote this in about an hour last night. I usually don't share my writings cause I'm so self conscious but this one just felt different. I'm curious as to what you all think.
Want Versus Need
I Want to be a woman To totally be me I Want to be a human Not just something that bleeds I Want to be a sister And have mine love me I Want to have a family That’s living in glee
I Want to be happy To know my own role I Want to have reasons To reach all of my goals I Want to have a life And finally be whole I Want to know the feeling Of having a soul
I Want to be beautiful Not just on the outside I Want to be certain Of where I abide I Want to know freedom And not have to hide I Want to be revered For what’s on the inside
I Want to be vigorous To push through and win I Want to appear How I’m feeling within I Want to be strong And have thick skin I Want to have courage Not to just try and fit in
I Want… No wait Let me stop and breathe I don’t Want No no What I mean is I Need
I Need to be a woman And do my own thing I Need to be a person Not just a human being I Need to have some help With what I am carrying I Need to have support Like someone who’s listening
I Need to have courage To break out of my shell To remove this mask And step out of this hell I may not be a man But that’s good and well Cause we are all unique With our own stories to tell
Just let me explain this I’m no man that grows old I am a woman of Earth And one to behold There will be those that hate This world is so cold I’ll stay strong and vigilant No matter what is sold I am beautiful and protean Just like pure gold This life is an odyssey Is yours worthy of being told?

recently, ive been scared pretty shitless of harvest theory/the bad aliens proposal, after reading 4chans infamous 72 year dream creepypasta/prophecy which, i think popularized harvest theory, and the notion any nhi is out to get us, and it lines up scarily well with current events, but is also pretty vague and predictable. its gotten me thinking, though: i think ufo/alien communities are, potentially, being influenced by a growing sentiment that, i suspect, genuine disinformation agents have been planting maliciously.
theres a few ways to look at the actual ideas popularized: harvest theory can never seem to propose exactly what alien lifeforms would actually be harvesting from humans. meat? vatgrown meat exists and homeworld farms would be better, not to mention, cramming the world with fattier foods (if the harvest is cyclical). i dont buy into the whole loosh/consciousness stuff, but just for arguments sake: if they fed on positive emotion, they could be doing a lot better. if they feed on negative emotion, they could be doing a lot better. the only purpose for the harvest then, is game. while this one is worryingly likely if harvest theory is correct, we cant really prove that unless it happens, and the 72 year dream/other prophecies or evidence seem to imply extinction.
what we can prove is the actual mutilation cases and missing persons connections. every year, thousands of people go missing, images of mutilations exist, cattle are cut up, all of which do justify the bad aliens narratively in extreme ways... and yet, most cases are able to be explained. but some arent, and you know what else isnt able to be explained? operation saucer, the facescratcher of india and the peru facepeelers, all of which imply literal skin harvesting in their names, alike harvest theory and bad alien narratives, but if you look into the cases, actually seem to be cases of radiation/laser damage more than likely impacting peoples faces by proxy of them simply being more exposed than the rest of their body to the uaps, with next to no real peeling happening besides unrelated content. all these cases also involve negligence on the part of the united states military, happened in rural foreign areas where no one would be caught, but still werent covered up, as they became news stories. what gives?
heres the point: all these incidents, and the current beliefs about aliens in lots of communities, are suspiciously happening only during cold war tension times, and only started, in their current form after the invention of the laser weapon. coincidence? i think not. were throwing the blame for all these tragedies onto aliens, when i think, in actuality, this is a government cover up, possibly from multiple of the competing world leaders. being able to pretend all these extremely useful intelligence tools, are actually nefarious space invaders, gives tons of leeway to experiment with technology, or engage in aggressive intelligence maneuvers without risk of provoking war. furthermore, i suspect the emphasis on declassification, alongside the rising of this narrative, is all extremely deliberate to maintain cover. dont blame aliens, dont get mad at aliens, get mad at the potential decades of rights violations ufos have allowed governments to get away with

As the title says.
I’ve been working front office at a hotel for 3 months by now and have started noticing my calfs recently are always “inflated”, my left foot plant has been aching for 2 days because of a wrong placing of it and is not getting any better. Moreover the other day I was trying to get warmer in the bathtub as temperature suddenly dropped and noticed my feet remained cold.
We have ONE (uncomfortable) stool at work but since we work pairs one has to “borrow and lend it” once awhile. Also the desktops are way lower than our chest level, meaning we spend most of the time with our neck slightly bent downwards when working at the desk.

I’m a Ghanaian woman (born abroad) and I went down to Osu to buy some asian groceries and it was definitely a very strange trip. I visited about 4 different stores in the same neighborhood and the experience was the same in almost every one.
The vibe in every store was just off. It was made very clear that the shops were for asians only, by asians. Not a word of english anywhere, which would’ve been fine if the chinese employees were more approachable. They wouldn’t even look up from their phones.
My experience with their Ghanaian employees was just as odd. They were always eerily quiet, kept their heads down and barely spoke a word unless spoken to. No eye contact at all. One Ghanaian shop attendant actually helped me find what I was looking for in complete silence, barely looking at me.
My last straw was when I found this quite large store and asked the chinese cashier if they sold what I was looking for. This woman proceeded to roll her eyes, kiss her teeth and point behind me in annoyance to one of the Ghanaian staff. At that point I just walked out.
To say i’m baffled is an understatement, in the 3 other countries I’ve lived in, I’ve never had such cold encounters with chinese people before. I’ve only ever had good things to say about them, because where I grew up, they were very welcoming. I just can’t believe my first bad experience with an asian person was in my own country.
Has anyone else experienced something similar here? How did you handle it?

so deep in social isolation, guilt, and shame
i have really bad avoidance tendencies, and sometimes deal with paranoia that a few times in my life became delusional thinking. my psychiatrist thinks it’s bipolar, i disagree, but that’s whatever. i graduated college last may, ended up getting a job that was not what i envisioned for myself at all (i’m a software engineer and the job market sucks right now). i had to move to a new city, its about 30 mins away from my old college and i know a small handful of people who still go there (although even while i was still in college, i was a loner and didn’t have many friends). i did have this one friend who i’ve known since high school, but in the past 3 ish years, my mental health and toxic behavior led her to have to set strict boundaries with our relationship. i don’t blame her at all, i would’ve done the same. i have really bad avoidant tendencies that, along with my paranoia and inability to trust people, lead me to blow up on people and pus them away in the process. at this point, our friendship will never go back to the way it was. she also moved go another state so even the meaningless surface level convos we do have are over text. i have completely socially isolated myself. my work is nearly fully remote and i work very independently so i dont even need to socialize at work. im supposed to go into the office 4 days a month, but even then i usually find an excuse to stay home for at least one of those. It’s mid may, and I’ve gone to exactly 3 irl social gatherings the entire year. Literally exactly 3. and two of them lasted 2 hours, the other was a concert. all were with people in not very close with but i would still consider friends. the only form of socialization i do have consistently is playing video games with some online friends i made in the past couple months, but i really question if they play with me because they enjoy or because im a girl and they like the idea of playing games with a girl. one of them asked me out which made me kind of sad because i thought i was finally making friends even if it’s just over a video game, but then i remembered people only want to be around me for some sort of gain. i said no and they stuck around, but i worry he’ll ask again and if i say no again i will go back to being socially isolated both online and in person. i’ve been in therapy since 2021 but i recently switched to a new therapist who focuses on trauma work. idk if its the trauma response or what, but i’ve been so emotional lately and i hate it. i hate crying, i hate thinking about stuff that makes me upset, and i feel guilty all the time. i have such a hard time connecting with people, im extremely arrogant and judgemental, today i tried going to bed and then i remembered that when i was in high school, my mom who didn’t get the chance to graduate high school because she was a teen mom, went back to get her her and enrolled in community college courses just for her own fulfillment. she was so excited to learn this stuff i was learning for free from her own sacrifice. and i was so impatient with her when she wouldn’t get it. and i would make her said when id be impatient with her. i hate myself for being like that. and i’m still so cold with her not just with her, but for some reason it’s impossible for me to be genuine with people, and with her 90% of the time, i am faking it. and she can tell. a few years ago she asked me to teach her python, and i did for one day cuz i wanted to make up for what i did when i was in high school, and after that’s when she asked again i would make excuses and say no until she just stopped asking. a year ago she went back to our country of origin (we’re immigrants) and i feel like ill never be able to make things right. now the only interactions we have are daily facetime calls where i try really hard not to be snappy with her or cold and i fail every single day. i feel like it fuels my depression and it’s a never ending feedback loop. if she wasn’t alive i would probably have killed myself by now, and i really worrry about the day she dies, ill be ridden with guilt and shame about how my moms whole life, i wasn’t ableto connect with her, or anyone. and my only friendship was also ruined. my mom was really strict growing up and has bpd tendencies, so i know why im like this, but she loves me a lot and i hate that i have this inability to forgive her or maybe some built up resentment that i haven’t been able to get rid of in my 23 years of existence. im so full of guilt it is literally eating me alive, every time we call i can tell she is sad because she can tell im distant and have literally nothing to talk about. i don’t want to talk about work, i don’t want to talk about what i ate, what i did, nothing. sometimes its because there’s nothing really to talk about, but mostly it’s because i just don’t want to. i don’t know why i don’t want to, i almost want to say i can’t. but when im talking with my sisters i usually have a much easier time. i just don’t understand why i love my mom so much but i have such a hard time talking to her and not losing my patience or becoming irritable at everything she does even when she’s not doing anything wrong. even if she hurt me at some point, she didn’t know better and she always tried her best. i was a difficult kid, and she parented the best way she knew how. my dad is dead and was never in my life (like at all, i didn’t really know him), and i am reasonably close to my sisters but i feel like my mom is all i have at this point and i disappoint her every single day and i can’t stop. im not paranoid right now but i feel so depressed and hopeless

Earlier my plastic pressure switch went out while my wife was in the bath. She called and said that she had no water pressure. Checked the switch and one of the connectors were broke. Now the new switch is in and now we only have cold water in our kitchen and guest bathroom. We currently have no hot water and no water period in our mater bath.
When the water went out to begin with I was not home so I was unable to turn off the water heater and did not think to mention it to my wife. Approximately 1 hour went by before I was able to get home and turn it off. So I’m wondering if that was enough time for something to burn up in the water heater or could there be another reason as to why this is happening.

As the title suggests, life has squashed my belief in myself.
I spent 27 years of my life waiting for a person I fell in love with to finally love me back. I finally did. It exceeded all expectations. They felt like home. Then they left me after nearly two years together. I considered taking my life several times, but could not fathom hurting my mom like that. Life felt, and still feels, pointless after losing someone who inspired you in their very being, and to believe in more for yourself.
In my misery, I left the country for Berlin to spend time with an old friend (who I secretly have had feelings for 7 years). After a month of spending time together, she and I became romantic. Our little affair lasted only 1 week before she got scared and cut me out of her life. I would expand upon our story, but it would take me pages to explain, so I’ll leave it at this. She did not see my value. This ending of our friendship and the clandestine love I’ve held for her for years was nearly as traumatic as losing my previous partner.
Outside of romance, I’ve been pursuing a career in sustainability for 5 years and no one has given me a chance. I am now 30 and so sick of trying. In February someone finally saw my worth, so I thought; I met the ceo of one of the most prolific green tech VCs at a conference. He liked me. I relentlessly pursued an opportunity as their head of communications/pr that would allow me to move to Germany, and finally pivot into doing work I find valuable. I interviewed with two other higher ups and pursued the job for 4 months. Finally, he rejected me in a cold Whastapp message. Not even a phone call or email explaining why they went with another candidate.
I am so done. I do not believe in myself and my worth any longer, and really do not see the point in trying anymore if I am not capable of achieving the dreams I always thought were attainable, if I tried my best and wielded all my innate talents.
Please, anyone, can you offer any reason to hope? What is the point of existing on this planet if you realize your talents and soul will never be recognized?

It’s been two days since I (24f) called up my ex (24m) and told him I haven’t been happy. We talked and talked and I thought we were both coming to terms with breaking up until I asked him to confirm that we’re done and he was baffled. He seemed so in sync throughout the conversation but when I said that I am breaking up with him he went cold. Stone cold. And said that he was ready to marry me but now I could just pack his things up and send them to him.
Now I’m removed on everything. No way for me to say sorry again or give him an explanation, but no contact is for the best.
These were a great 2.5 years but there was always something that never clicked between us. We never quite figured out how to communicate until things blew up. We were also long distance and I was so tired of always being the one to go see him. He never (okay very seldomly) would come to see me and it made me feel uneasy. We had no end date in sight for moving in together. Our talks were always in reference to “one day”
I know we had to break up. It’s for the best and would’ve happened eventually with all of those problems plus the other little things we didn’t agree on. I just wish he saw that too. He was so blindsided but I thought we were on the same page. I had to do it to protect my heart, but he never intended on breaking up. The guilt is eating me alive. I just miss him. Hell, after 2.5 years I would hope I miss him. I still love him, I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him. I just wish we ended on better terms. Seeing him go so stone cold shattered me. Maybe we could’ve tried to fix things again and again and again.
I want to see him, give him my full perspective. I don’t think he wants that.

hey.
i've been involved with this guy since Feb of this year and the relationship has mainly been through texting as we live quite a bit away. we have only met up in person once and that date went alright besides some red flags i'll get into. also, he also proposes us seeing each other, but then something always comes up.
we're honestly kind of looking for the same thing, a committed and exclusive relationship, but it seems like this guy is rushing things way too fast. he's already talking about us getting married; but i have noticed some red flags.
some of the red flags i've noticed:
-when we first met, i was just getting off of work at 3am. he called me drunk a few hours prior asking if he should come up and see me. i felt pressured so i said yes. i get off at 3am, get home around 5am, and had to buy a laptop later that day, so i felt like he completely took over my day and chances to get some rest.
-he lies. here are some things he's lied about:

• his racial/cultural background. he first told me he's Chilean and Italian, then when i meet him, he says he's "part Jewish". not a big deal, but okay
• where he works. when i first asked he said the same company in one town, but when i asked again, he said the same company in a completely different town when i can SWEAR it was the first town.
• stuff coming up when we're supposed to meet. when i do want to see him, he always tells me that he's coming to visit me, etc. but then he goes ghost and says something came up like taking his mom to the doctor -- i check his Instagram and he's at the beach.
• i think he blocked me. i text him something and green bubbles show up... okay? so i text him on Instagram asking what happened and things magically go back to normal and he comes up with some bullshit like his phone got hacked. keep in mind, this is the only time this has happened.

-my phone announces to my contacts when i'm in "Do Not Disturb"; he texted and asked me why i always keep my phone in DND. am i not allowed to have my privacy and free time?
-weird stares: when we first saw each other, he did this really weird stare. i know it's perfectly normal to take glimpses of your partner in adoration, but he was giving me this cold dead stare when i was facing away from him. i have mild anxiety and noticed the stare and nervously asked him about it. he said something to the effect of, "oh i'm not allowed to look at you?" left me speechless
-he offered to buy us some tea. we get to the counter to pay and for some reason he does not have any working payment cards and only $100 bills on him, so i had to cover. he offered to get me back, but i'm still waiting. this one was pretty egregious.
-i texted his ex asking what i should look out for. the ex basically said that he prays and hopes that he changed, but if not, to get the fuck away ASAP. i asked him to tell me more info, but he flat out refuses to saying that he does not want any part in this.
-last but not least, we have only been talking since February and have only met in person (completely on his terms) once and he wants to get married:

• he told me when people ask what i am to him, i am his, "future husband"
• i made some comment on his last name because i honestly like saying it, he asked me if i'd take it when we got married. (again, talking about marriage so soon)

i was telling him that i was planning on going back into the US Air Force or maybe shoot for the Space Force. he is really insistent on getting married before i ship out; which i don't know when that will be, but hopefully soon. again, i brought it up with him and he said that he, "wants a ring on his finger" before i ship out.
the thing is, what would the point of getting married be? once i ship out, i will be in basic training in Texas (we live in the Northeast) for 7.5 weeks. then after that, i'll have to go to technical school for my career field that will probably be a few more months in a place that's thousands of miles away.
the soonest i could be back where we live would probably be 5/6 months and it would only be for 12 days for the recruiters assistance program (if i do get that approved), after that i'm on to my first duty station and i have no idea where that will be.
so i'm curious. this person is looking to be a walking red flag, has no problems lying to me, creepy, controlling, etc. and he still wants to marry me when i've made it abundantly clear that i'm going to be away for quite a while. i asked him why he still wants to do this and he said something like, "I'm loyal, you'll have someone waiting for you when you get back".
does anyone have any idea why he still wants to get married? i really, really, REALLY, need help making sense of it all.
thank you so much.

i have really bad avoidance tendencies, and sometimes deal with paranoia that a few times in my life became delusional thinking. my psychiatrist thinks it’s bipolar, i disagree, but that’s whatever. i graduated college last may, ended up getting a job that was not what i envisioned for myself at all (i’m a software engineer and the job market sucks right now). i had to move to a new city, its about 30 mins away from my old college and i know a small handful of people who still go there (although even while i was still in college, i was a loner and didn’t have many friends). i did have this one friend who i’ve known since high school, but in the past 3 ish years, my mental health and toxic behavior led her to have to set strict boundaries with our relationship. i don’t blame her at all, i would’ve done the same. i have really bad avoidant tendencies that, along with my paranoia and inability to trust people, lead me to blow up on people and pus them away in the process. at this point, our friendship will never go back to the way it was. she also moved go another state so even the meaningless surface level convos we do have are over text. i have completely socially isolated myself. my work is nearly fully remote and i work very independently so i dont even need to socialize at work. im supposed to go into the office 4 days a month, but even then i usually find an excuse to stay home for at least one of those. It’s mid may, and I’ve gone to exactly 3 irl social gatherings the entire year. Literally exactly 3. and two of them lasted 2 hours, the other was a concert. all were with people in not very close with but i would still consider friends. the only form of socialization i do have consistently is playing video games with some online friends i made in the past couple months, but i really question if they play with me because they enjoy or because im a girl and they like the idea of playing games with a girl. one of them asked me out which made me kind of sad because i thought i was finally making friends even if it’s just over a video game, but then i remembered people only want to be around me for some sort of gain. i said no and they stuck around, but i worry he’ll ask again and if i say no again i will go back to being socially isolated both online and in person. i’ve been in therapy since 2021 but i recently switched to a new therapist who focuses on trauma work. idk if its the trauma response or what, but i’ve been so emotional lately and i hate it. i hate crying, i hate thinking about stuff that makes me upset, and i feel guilty all the time. i have such a hard time connecting with people, im extremely arrogant and judgemental, today i tried going to bed and then i remembered that when i was in high school, my mom who didn’t get the chance to graduate high school because she was a teen mom, went back to get her her and enrolled in community college courses just for her own fulfillment. she was so excited to learn this stuff i was learning for free from her own sacrifice. and i was so impatient with her when she wouldn’t get it. and i would make her said when id be impatient with her. i hate myself for being like that. and i’m still so cold with her not just with her, but for some reason it’s impossible for me to be genuine with people, and with her 90% of the time, i am faking it. and she can tell. a few years ago she asked me to teach her python, and i did for one day cuz i wanted to make up for what i did when i was in high school, and after that’s when she asked again i would make excuses and say no until she just stopped asking. a year ago she went back to our country of origin (we’re immigrants) and i feel like ill never be able to make things right. now the only interactions we have are daily facetime calls where i try really hard not to be snappy with her or cold and i fail every single day. i feel like it fuels my depression and it’s a never ending feedback loop. if she wasn’t alive i would probably have killed myself by now, and i really worrry about the day she dies, ill be ridden with guilt and shame about how my moms whole life, i wasn’t ableto connect with her, or anyone. and my only friendship was also ruined. my mom was really strict growing up and has bpd tendencies, so i know why im like this, but she loves me a lot and i hate that i have this inability to forgive her or maybe some built up resentment that i haven’t been able to get rid of in my 23 years of existence. im so full of guilt it is literally eating me alive, every time we call i can tell she is sad because she can tell im distant and have literally nothing to talk about. i don’t want to talk about work, i don’t want to talk about what i ate, what i did, nothing. sometimes its because there’s nothing really to talk about, but mostly it’s because i just don’t want to. i don’t know why i don’t want to, i almost want to say i can’t. but when im talking with my sisters i usually have a much easier time. i just don’t understand why i love my mom so much but i have such a hard time talking to her and not losing my patience or becoming irritable at everything she does even when she’s not doing anything wrong. even if she hurt me at some point, she didn’t know better and she always tried her best. i was a difficult kid, and she parented the best way she knew how. my dad is dead and was never in my life (like at all, i didn’t really know him), and i am reasonably close to my sisters but i feel like my mom is all i have at this point and i disappoint her every single day and i can’t stop. im not paranoid right now but i feel so depressed and hopeless

As the title says, I have acquired the Cold Shoulder and want to run it with a pepper shaker, but i’m not sure if the pepper shaker is good considering I have never owned one YET. Your thoughts, is there a shotgun better than PS?