Start bolens bl100 weed eater

I (23 F) have been diagnosed with Bipolar, ADHD, and social anxiety for a few years now, starting Sophomore year of college. I never really agreed with the Bipolar diagnosis. I didn't feel like what I had was mania, though I did relate to a cyclical type of depression and periods of higher mood and motivation, not as much with the super fast talking or no sleep. I do get really bad irritability (just in general, but it gets really unmanageable when I'm depressed). I'm also very prone to isolation, impulsivity, rumination, and have avoidant tendencies in relationships/in general. Since the start of the year, I've had about 3 social outings that lasted a few hours each. I only go into the office 4 times a month, and I order my groceries, so I really never leave my house.
For context, I was always very motivating in school and went to a really good university for an engineering degree. I recently graduated and I'm now a Software Engineer. As soon as I started college, the ADHD symptoms and other mental health struggles started taking a toll on my grades, which was really debilitating. At 19, I got on Adderall for ADHD, and was smoking weed heavily, and for a period I was definitely abusing my adderall, which I now greatly regret. During the height of this, I had a really bad case of persecutory delusions that were scary as hell. Typical "CIA is after me" stuff. I got off adderall for about a year, and I really struggled. It was so hard to feel motivated to do anything, and studying was very difficult. Even when the depression was fine, concentrating was not. I was still having some paranoid/suspicious thinking, but I was smoking weed a lot less and not taking any stimulants, and it didn't reach full-blown delusional state. However, it was definitely still there. For example, if I couldn't find an article of clothing or item in my room, I would quickly jump to "someone must have stolen it", until I would find it. I would also think a lot about the persecutory delusions from before, and wonder about them, but wouldn't really go back to believing them. I graduated last May, and a few months later, I got back on Adderall. It helped my executive dysfunction so much. For example, cleaning is a severe problem for me. I cannot clean, and my apartment frequently gets ant or fly infestations if I don't pay someone to clean for me. The adderall helps with stuff like this, especially if I'm not depressed. When I am severely depressed, it helps with concentration but I don't care enough to do the things I should be focusing on, if that makes sense -- basically the motivation is not there but the concentration is.
I finally started with a new psychiatrist, and today we had our second visit. I explained my whole history, and my main concern being that I'm currently extremely depressed, and I have little bits of these paranoid thoughts, which I know get worse with adderall, but I don't want to stop adderall since it can be so helpful for me. I also told him that I'm scared to go on an antipsychotic because they can cause cognitive issues and in my career, I cant afford that. He concluded that what I have sounds more like a thought disorder than mania, along with a mood disorder -- He said it possibly could be schizoaffective disorder. He said since the Adderall helps a lot, we could switch to Ritalin which has a lower chance of psychosis, and add on Vraylar. He said Vraylar is good for my concern with a lack of motivation, and fear of cognitive decline with other antipsychotics.
I'm scared of this whole thought disorder thing. I looked it up, and it's pretty spot on with my delusional thinking. My whole life, my "intelligence" is the only thing I feel like I've been good at, and the thing that's basically gotten me through life. And now I have this thing that is basically characterized by "illogical thinking". And it's true. In those heightened delusional states, I can feel my mind connecting dots that have no business being connected. And it's getting worse. And adderall, the thing that feels helpful, may have exacerbated this. At least from my understanding, its affects on dopamine are similar to the root cause of Schizophrenia and disorganized thinking, etc. And it is supposed to get worse over time. I'm only 23, I'm only just starting my Software Engineering career, and the thoughts that "I'm getting dumber" since I was 19 are proving to be true. Schizophrenics see a significant drop in IQ over time. I'm honestly terrified. I feel unable to function without Adderall, but I'm also scared that I'll just become more psychotic if I keep taking it. To make matters worse, after 2 sessions with this psychiatrist who was going to prescribe the Vraylar, he tells me he, in fact, does not take my insurance (he'd told me this whole time he did, but he was "mistaken"). It took me so long to find a psychiatrist and now I might have to pay hundreds of dollars worth of two sessions out of pocket. I'm so scared, what do I do... I've been considering going back and getting my masters in Computer Science because I want to work in AI, and you usually need higher education for that. But I would feel incapable doing it without Adderall, and now I feel like either way, this "thought disorder" thing will worsen and I won't be able to do any job that requires logical thinking because my brain just broken. I feel like I broke my brain. And I'm only 23. I've always been an intellectually curious person, I feel so hopeless right now like what is the point of living this way.

My best friend is one of those people who makes constant sex jokes, he has a really dirty mind. A little while ago, maybe a month or so, he got a crush on this boy we met at the school's LGBT club. My friend, a freshman, was surprised to find out he was actually a senior. Originally he said he would date him because it would be weird, but recently he told me they are boyfriends. I'm the type of guy who is a people pleaser and I always try to be supportive, so I was. Noone else in our close friend group was, though. I have been sick for the past few days, and my friend just texted me "HELP I JUST ACCIDENTALLY FLASHED [senior]" I was caught completely off gaurd and asked him how the hell you flash someone accidentally. No matter how I asked the question, he kept reply "accident." I said it was okay for him to have secrets and he said "NO" and I asked if he was in the same PE class and got changed together (both my friend and the senior are transgender boys), he replied "NO" again. I decided to ask "so, what situation were you in that caused you to flash him?" and he replied with "uh... drugs." He usually makes weed jokes so it was kinda of obvious that he was lying. He kept spamming me with "weed, crack, cocaine, drugs" and I reassured him it's okay to have secrets, and he just kept going. I told him that drugs would be more concerning than any situation I was thinking of. I said "Okay" and he hasn't responded. I would rather him just tell me he wants to have a secret than keep lying to me. I'm starting to get kind of worried about him, is there anything I should do?

Yeah I’m starting clean today went 2 months clean. Coming off a 3 day binge. It’s time to re invent myself no more social media cold showers before bed, working out everyday. No more weed nothing just focus on getting money and apartment. Anybody trying to exchange #s to stay motivated? This addiction is going to stop today no fucking more im locked in bro no more kid shit

Hello everyone 👋🏾 I’m Mani and Im looking for the Gomez to my morticia. I am a huge hopeless romantic and I love being loved and cared for. I want to be with someone who is romantic and caring . Someone who will want to talk on the phone/ video chat often, play video games together or watch movies/ animes . I enjoy being in my partners company so I would like to have someone who is the same way. I’m looking for someone who will like to meet and hang out together once we’re comfortable with doing so . My age preference is 22-36. I like country/southern guys or alternative guys but you can send a message even if your those don’t sound like you. Im looking for someone who genuinely enjoys being romantic and loving on their girlfriends . I prefer someone with a job and a car . I will not talk to someone who smokes cigarettes, who doesn’t support lgbtq/blm or women’s rights . I’m not interested in someone who lacks empathy or who is nonchalant. Please do not message me if you are not ready for a relationship or you do not think you have time for a relationship.
The scoop about me ⬇️ I would describe myself as goofy and pretty extroverted but I can be introverted to start. I do struggle with some mental health issues that I am going to therapy for but some of them I will be dealing with for the rest of my life in case that’s an issue . I am pretty clingy in a relationship. Im a big talker so I sometimes have a lot to talk about but others I don’t know exactly what to talk about. I’m pretty independent I have my own car and am willing to travel a reasonable distance . I’m willing to relocate but only after I’m comfortable with the idea of doing so. I make sure to show my love and affection as much as possible. I get busy during the days as I work but for the most part I’m able to answer my phone a good amount . Some of my current hobbies are reading , gaming , watching movies/animes , and cooking. Im unsure of the idea of kids haven’t made my decision on if I want to have kids or not. I have plans on traveling to different places and want someone who is also interested in traveling. My plans for the future are ever changing but I do have specific goals and aspirations I am striving for . I’m also very interested in at some point in my life having acres of land + animals. I can send a picture of myself but a brief description of me is I’m 22, black about 5’6 with brown eyes , I’m midsize / curvy. Im bisexual, have piercings and my hair changes a lot . I’m from east coast Pennsylvania area and I’ve been here for most of my life . Anywho I’m a big softie and sweetheart at least that’s what people around me say. I smoke weed and will have a drink every once in awhile. I would like to start off as just getting to know each other maybe becoming friends first and then gradually going into a relationship. I do have trust issues and it will take me a bit to fully trust you .
Okay now I’m done i know that all was very long but thank you for taking your time to read it ! send a 🩷 emojis if you’ve gotten this far and when messaging me please leave a description of yourself what you are looking for and the scoop about you! I will not answer if you just send a hey or a what’s up . I’m also looking mainly to talk on discord to start.

Hi ! I'm trying to lose weight, and I've struggled a lot to do so in the past year-ish. I'm 168 cm, 64.5kg, but I'd like to get down to line 57-58kg, and I have so much trouble to do so. I'm trying to get some extra proteins in my diet, and I'm also trying to not restrict too much. I'm not like hungry all the time or anything because the proteins keep me full, but I can't seem to lose weight. I think the problem is that I can't stop eating. I'm not a binge eater, it's not like when I start I can't stop, it's more like, I'm studying, and then whenever I take a break I'm like "how about a little snack" or "why not eat a protein smoothie now" even tho I'm not hungry. And then I do eat it, because I love the taste or because it's a food I wanted to try so I couldn't wait until I was hungry. How do I stop that ? Any help is appreciated! (Sorry for the mistakes, english isn't my first language!)

Advice? I feel like i am being unreasonable and maybe controlling?
I've been with my current partner now for over a year, i got pregnant pretty early on and am due at the end of next month.
its pretty hard these days to tell if i'm overreacting as a result of my hormones being crazy because of pregnancy, or if i'm justified in my frustrations.
My issue is as follows: I was aware he smoked weed when we got together, but he hid it quite well and seemed to be able to go without it for long periods of time without seeming to become stressed etc without it. What I'm saying is basically in the beginning he didn't seem dependent on it at all. I personally don't smoke because it makes me disassociate for quite some time afterwards, and i don't feel like it is worth such an uncomfortable side-effect for me.
Cut to only a few short months into our relationship.. he smokes probably 4-6 spliffs a day (mixed with tobacco). When i say "a day" i mean literally every single day, without tolerance breaks. If he hasn't had a smoke by around 4pm he starts to become extremely stressed out and snappy. This obviously limits what we can and can't do together as a couple when we go out, as we have to be back by a certain time so that he can smoke.
it's super hard not to internalise this and blame myself for this. He said he wanted a baby from the moment we got together, so i don't think he is stressed about that. if anything, i thought me being 1 month away from giving birth to our child would make him WANT to cut back.
His ex partners seem say he was the exact same way with them too, so i don't think its something I've done.. but still, it is extremely hard to not blame myself for it. i find myself wondering if i am 'too much" or if he even loves me at all and uses weed as a crutch so that he can tolerate me...
i feel guilty coming to reddit to ask for advice, as it feels sneaky like i am going behind his back.. but i have tried (through many tears) to ask him to cut back, and why he feels he needs to smoke so much. But he kind of just guilt trips me by saying he has a lot going on with his family etc which makes me feel bad for even having a problem with his smoking habits in the first place.
I also have a lot of issues of my own because my family aren't very supportive. ( I live a fair distance away from them, like 90 miles away) and since becoming pregnant, these feelings have worsened and i just don't feel I'm being listened to or getting the emotional support that I need. I always find time to listen to his problems, and talk them through and make him feel valued etc... but when he is high it's like talking to a brick wall.. we just aren't on the same wave length, and i just need him to compromise instead of guilt-tripping me by saying i'm taking away the only thing that calms him down.
Edit: So after a lengthy conversation about how this is all affecting me, he says he hears me and will change but only 20 minutes later he is rolling his next spliff and now I am just sat here wondering why I even bother talking about my feelings.

I (18 F) and my boyfriend (19 M) have been dating for almost a year now, when we first started dating he was living with his toxic/abusive Mother, so do to some circumstances he's now living with me and my family
Recently he's been going out more to go smoke weed with his friends (let's call the two important friends Homer and hunter) normally I wouldn't mind this but I have an allergy to the smoke/smell of weed so when he comes home I tend to break out, nothing too bad but bad enough for it to be incredibly uncomfortable and irritating, he always tells me he uses it for pain or to help sleep, I try to be understanding but he does it so much I can't really handle it, I've tried asking him to try edibles instead as I don't have a reaction to them but he always says they don't do what he wants
It's so bad to the point that he'll run off to go smoke with Homer and hunter right after I have a mental breakdown or when I get really bad pain (this pain has made me end up in the hospital several times before) not only that but Hunter keeps randomly showing up on days that are supposed to be just me and my BF days (Since I'm in my last year of high-school and my bf works, we agreed Sunday's were just us days whenever my bf doesn't work) and My BF doesn't tell him to leave so Hunter and my BF will just sit there and chat (with the excuse Hunter is supposed to be looking for a job and needs our internet because his parents won't give him the password because he isn't looking for jobs) and normally take a bong hit leaving my BF high for me to deal with, when those are just because not because he 'needs' them
Boyfriend knows my past issues with weed because of my ex-boyfriend and I've tried talking to my boyfriend but it feels like weed is more important than our relationship at this point
So AIO for getting upset with him??

Working on A20 with IC and to change it up been running some defect, Toxic Egg+Apparition+Echo form is easy mode man. Got both egg and echo fairly early and was already doing a power heavy run when I got apparitions. An easy pick and went to the next fire to start upgrading them only to remember the egg. apparitions are already great but to auto upgrade then is so nice to skip them if I have to. Combine that with echo form doubling their usefulness and time eater didn't stand a chance. Not super often I do a damageless act 3 boss but getting perfect draws for apparition, echo, panacia+, and Bias Cog+ it was just a nice cruise to the win screen. Forgot to take the blue key tho so no heart.

My cat beatrice is a rescue I got about 5 months ago she is 1 year old. she is a very eager eater and scarfs down food quickly. she is seemingly healthy however she has had on and off loose stools since i got her, that’s not the issue.
she stopped showing interest in food about 10 days ago and stopped eating all together the day before yesterday. i tried everything. we went to the emergency vet yesterday morning and they did an x-ray and found her stomach was full but couldn’t tell what it was. they kept her over night on fluids and a fast to see if she could pass it on her own, thankfully her next xray showed she had no signs that she will struggle to pass it as it is moving through her intestines.
but, she didn’t start eating. i picked her up and she’s on an appetite stimulant. she had a couple bites of food thankfully. we are going to her regular vet tomorrow. The emergency vet said they are confused why she has sudden anorexia but she does have some inflammation on her x-ray.
they sent me home with a paper and it says it could be pancreatitis, gastroenteritis, IBS, or metabolic disease. her blood work is normal. any insight on what this could be or what tests i should ask them to run tomorrow?

I would like to see this mod become a viable esport. How do we get there?
In my opinion, we need to start small and start now! Let's not fuss too much about balance. Let's go right into tournaments and let the players figure out the meta. Outright broken strategies could be banned rather than trying to balance all the matchups. For example, SC1 worker rush vs SC2 is probably broken and shouldn't be allowed.
The reaper, liberator, sentry and banelings vs SC1 zerg; the reaver vs everything and other unbalanced unit interactions shouldn't be tinkered with too much until the pros have demonstrated most of the exploits. I feel that it's best just to get the ball rolling and not too get lost in the weeds.
It might also be a good idea to allow players to switch races depending on the map and the race chosen by their opponent. This could be a nice mini-game as players adapt to each other by chosing a race that counters their opponents race. This could be done immediately before each map.
Thoughts?

I’m not sure why I keep doing this but I’ve been on 300mg for about 6 months and my prescription ran out so I thought you know what, maybe I don’t need this drug, I just got married and life is great!
I was wrong. I definitely need this drug. I’m not sure if it’s withdrawal or what but I have felt so unbelievably horrible this past week. No motivation, started vaping and smoking weed again, started having those days where I don’t leave my bed again.
Anyways that’s not the point of my post. I’m getting my prescription refilled and was wondering if it’s ok to just take 300mg right at the start? Or should I cut the pills in half? When I first started taking bupropion it made me super irritable, is that likely to be the case again?

I've been recently starting to suspect that I may have ARFID due to being really underweight and restrictive eating habits but for the purposes of this post that's neither here nor there.
Anyone take their 'safe foods' and eat them so frequently that it stops being enjoyable or even start to hate it? For example I've gone through a couple frozen pizza brands, different chips, even certain fruits. I just eat them every day (sometimes more than once) and they will make up a large percentage of my calories for that meal. It's amazing for the first few weeks to months but eventually it moves it's way off the 'safe foods' list and it's not the same anymore. Some can even get really gross to me. I'm such an obsessive eater it's crazy. Just wanted to know if anyone else felt this.

I don’t know a single thing about trees. We moved into this house about 1.5 years ago. I took the weed eater to these branches and I think it really mad. It’s gotten completely out of control and I don’t know what to do

The lawn service weed whacked my wildflowers today. I planted seeds about 6 weeks ago and some of them were just starting to show tiny blooms this past week. They were about 6-9inches tall and they were cut down to about 1inch with only stems, all the leaves are toast. Any chance they'll recover from that, or should I just start over with new seeds?

I realize this may not be the right place to post this, but figured the pet parents here would have the most experience with the topic of dog seizures and possible causes. Both of our dogs had grand mal seizures within 3 days of each other with no prior history of seizures. I’ll try to be thorough with things, but it will be long.
Dog #1 (Jupiter) Greater Swiss Mountain Dog, female, 101 pounds, 6 years old. Takes trazadone for anxiety and Proin for urinary incontinence.
Dog #2 (Selene) Border Collie, female, 46 pounds, 4 years old. History of elevated liver enzymes for unknown reasons and serotonin syndrome caused by trazadone.
They have both been OFF of flea/heartworm meds for several months because of the elevated liver enzymes. So we can rule that out as a cause.
We had an exterminator come to the house on Tuesday April 23rd. He used two products, one inside (permethrin based) and one outside (fipronil based). [ASPCA poison control and the manufacturer of these chemicals were consulted and both agree that these should not be connected to the seizures] They are never outside alone. They both try to eat grass sometimes. The area they use is just lawn and then rocks with some weeds growing in them.
5 days later (Sunday Apr 28) dog #1 starts wretching just before breakfast and that transitions into a grand mal seizure lasting approximately 2 minutes. Recovery was quick, maybe 10 minutes, was taken to emergency vet. Thyroid testing (normal), chest/abdomen X-rays (normal) and blood tests (normal except slight elevated bilirubin). Sent home on seizure watch.
3 days later (Wed May 1) dog #2 wakes up with our alarm, runs from couch to bedroom door and immediately goes into grand mal seizure that lasted 5 minutes. Urinated and defacated during seizure. We had cameras all over to keep an eye on the other dog at this point. Recovery was slower, she didn’t even try to stand up for 15 minutes. Went immediately to emergency vet. All bloodwork came back normal.
*At this point our vet is sure it’s got to be environmental. We throw out dog food, dog treats. Empty and thoroughly clean and sanitize water bowl. Wash all dog toys and their toy box. Mop all floors, clean all rugs, wash all walls. Moved and wiped down every piece of furniture. Power washed the foundation where pesticide was applied. We even washed the garage floor because that’s where they go in and out. We went back to making their food for them, so no more kibble after the seizures. We bought a totally different brand of treats too. I even crawled under the deck to make sure there weren’t rodent baits or anything under there. They only get RO water, which is the same water we drink.
May 7-Dog 1 goes for yearly vet exam and vaccines. No issues. Heart worm negative.
May 10-Dog 2 goes for yearly vet exam and vaccines. No issues. Heart worm negative.
Vet gave the “all clear” to put them back on heartworm/flea prevention after being off of it for several months. I decided to wait and make sure they were good before giving their preventatives because I know they all have a seizure risk and didn’t want to introduce more toxins to their systems.
Today, 18 days since first seizure, dog #1 starts wretching just before breakfast (same as before the first seizure) and it immediately transitions into another grand mal seizure. Lasting about 2 minutes, similar to the first seizure. She comes around after 5 minutes, drunk walks 10 feet and then vomits bile/foam. Call the vet immediately and vet has us pick up levetiracetem and start it right away. She goes back to the vet tomorrow for further testing—ekg and urinalysis.
We are wracking our brains trying to figure out what kind of environmental thing could be causing this. They don’t swim or go into any water sources. We do have farm fields around us, but the dogs don’t go there and haven’t been out during spraying or anything. They haven’t eaten anything strange outside. Previous owners of this house had cats and a dog. Our neighbors dog hasn’t had any problems (they also used the same exterminator on the same day we did). My dogs don’t really get into anything in the house, don’t chew. They have not had flea/heartworm preventative for the last 4 months (see above). The only thing I’ve found that the vet hasn’t brought up is toxoplasmosis. I do plan to have the water tested again (it was tested one year ago and water was fine, but slightly elevated nitrates, which is why we only give RO water)
We may never find an answer to what is causing this, but in the hopes that someone may have a lead for us, I’m asking for your help redditors.
If it helps we live in northern Indiana near-ish to Lake Michigan. We have lived in this house since last fall, it’s rural (we lived in city previously). There are stray cats, squirrels, lots of chipmunks, turkey and deer that are around all the time. House was built in the 90s so lead shouldn’t be a concern as far as the paint goes.

Using a throwaway because some of my friends have my main.
I haven't told anyone this, but I have an addiction to weed. I'm 17 and in grade 11.
During winter break in Dec 2023 - Jan 2024, my friend and I decided to hit up my plug and each get a cart. He plays hockey and would rip his teammates' carts sometimes, so we thought it would be fun. After I got it, I would get high every night. I wouldn't ever get high during the daytime, and I always did it when I had no other moral obligations, so I didn't think it mattered that I had this small vice. Sometimes, I would skip a night to tell myself that I'm not actually addicted, and because I would successfully do that, I would think that I could keep going because there were no consequences; I was still able to fulfill all my duties.
When school started again, I did not wean off my habit because I was doing better than ever. That's not because of the weed, but because I had a crush on a girl who was very studious, and I looked up to that. So, I found my flow and I was just more productive. But, totally unrelated to my developing addiction. At one point in February, my cart ran out, and I decided that that was it and I would not buy another one because I just didn't need it. Almost surprisingly, I did not feel like I was struggling at all with going to sleep sober, and it did not feel like anything was missing from my life. So, for a couple of weeks, I was sober. This was the first time in almost 2 months where I could actually remember the day before whenever I woke up.
As spring break was approaching, my friend's cart also ran out. Originally, he did not want to buy another one, but his teammates were talking about this different brand that was apparently much smoother or more potent or whatever. So, we each decided to get one. Over spring break, my habit of vaping every evening returned, and my productivity began to decrease. I started waking up feeling really lazy and thinking, "It's spring break, I have so much time. I can just do my homework tomorrow." But, this cycle continued, and I would tell myself this almost every morning. Sometime in late March before school was going to begin again, I bought some joints so I could smoke with my friends and have a social time.
This was a mistake.
I gave my cart to my friend because, in my mind, I was justifying my addiction by thinking that since joints are much more consumable, expensive, and less convenient than carts, I'd just finish those joints and no longer have an addiction like what happened in February. But, this created a recurring event in my routine. Almost every evening, if I had joints on me, I would go out for a smoke. Whenever I didn't have joints on me, I would always think, "Damn, I kinda wanna go for a smoke right now." But, I would always meet with the plug soon enough and restock my supply. This happened over the course of April and early May, and I just ran out of joints 2 nights ago. I began coming to terms with the fact that I am addicted, and I need to make a bigger effort to get off this shit.
This all came to a head last evening. I ran out of joints two nights ago, so yesterday was going to be my first time having a sober evening in several weeks. Last night, I didn't even really have the craving to smoke, even though I really enjoyed going out for my walks while enjoying a joint. But, when I was in the kitchen preparing my lunch for the next day, I decided to try drinking again. I hadn't drunk since winter break, and I had lost 10kg since then, so I was curious what my tolerance would be. I opened my parents' alcohol cabinet and quickly downed 7 shots because I didn't really like the taste. At first, I wasn't feeling it and was thinking, "the effects take time to kick in, I'll just wait it out." I was just sitting on the couch on my phone, not feeling any different. Then, I turned my head and realized how different everything felt. I was like "oh shit, I'm drunk. This feels so cool." At midnight, I decided to go for a drive.
I made a sandwich and took a calm drive to a park to eat in the parking lot. It was great. Afterwards, I decided to hit the highway since I haven't driven fast in a small while, and I knew the roads would not be busy. I was driving at more than 200km/h while drunk. The roads were clear, flat, straight, and empty. Still, I remember thinking "wow, I do not deserve to be driving right now,", as I knew driving is a privilege and I was abusing my privilege.
I make it back home after driving for about 30m and just can't believe what I've done. After running out of weed, I decided to get drunk off a whim; I don't even really like drinking. After getting drunk, I decided to go for a drive. While on a drive, I decided to go double the speed limit. I could never imagine looking my mother in the eye if she ever found out. I let my addiction go on for so long because it wasn't really affecting my life; my grades were better than ever (despite my slight dip in productivity), my social life was flourishing (for unrelated reasons), and I was making great progress in the gym. People around me are telling me how awesome I am or how impressed they are with me because of my commitment to extracurriculars, my weight loss, my grades, and my overall demeanour and personality. No one knows that, behind that positive and outwardly-successful individual, there is a young man battling addiction.
Tonight will be the beginning of my turnaround; I will block my plug and I will always remember last night whenever I feel tempted to drink or smoke. I cannot keep living like this. This is not normal. I need to be the man who people think I am.
If you've read all this, thank you. It feels freeing to finally vocalize the thoughts that have been percolating in my mind for such a long time.