Tan poop in toddler

Pg. 91 How can I identify parasites? In need of some guidance

2024.05.16 20:33 Sure-Class2919 Pg. 91 How can I identify parasites? In need of some guidance

Referenced page 91 as that's the only one I can find constipation in. I may regret this. Please, for the love of God, don't come here telling me to see a homeopathic doctor or that the medical establishment doesn't know anything, etc. I genuinely cannot tolerate somebody fear mongering to me, I'm really hoping I get a mod or someone with some medical/educational background in parasites to give me some pointers/next steps on my situation.
Back in 2022, I was diagnosed with a possible case of eosinophilic esophagitis/GERD. I was on a pureed diet for about a year since I had significant dysphagia and lost 20 pounds. I've been underweight ever since.
When I transitioned to eating solid food again, my poop looked very weird. White specks floating in the toilet water above the actual poop. White and yellow specks, as well as stringy things in my actual poop. One time, what looked like a literal worm in the toilet bowl. My GI last spring ordered a parasite & ova stool test. While I was waiting for the results, I had to go to urgent care for another matter. Well, it turned out the urgent care doctor was an infectious disease doctor, I showed her the picture, and she thought it looked like a roundworm.
Well, that parasite & ova stool test came back negative. I did a pinworm paddle test as well. It came back negative. My poop continued to look weird. Saw my GI last summer, and he just told me not to pay too much attention to my poop.
Then last fall, I went to my primary and told them maybe I'm dealing with a pinworm infection. Can my partner and I please take albendazole to see if it helps. We did one dose, and then after two weeks, another dose.
Now I'm dealing with near constant constipation, so I can't properly see if my poop is normal. I'm also dealing with nausea, bloating, a lack of appetite, iron deficiency anemia, B12 deficiency, and Vitamin D deficiency as well. I have had anemia since I was a teenager, the B12 deficiency started in 2022. The Vitamin D deficiency has been on & off during my life. Due to these symptoms, I am not able to gain much needed weight. I did a SIBO test in January that came back negative. Asked my GI what the next steps were about my symptoms, and he just told me to take Miralax.
This week, I saw a weird white floating thing in the toilet water when I had a bowel movement. Then, when I wiped today after having a bowel movement, there was what looked like a worm (maybe?) on the toilet paper that was yellow/tan in color.
My question is, really, what do I do? Does it sound like I could have parasites? If so, how do I go about addressing this? Once again, looking for guidance, NOT fear mongering.
submitted by Sure-Class2919 to parasites [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 15:07 mrsc0tty I (32M) need advice from SAH parents for how to bring something up with my wife (31F) before I start a new job. Can you help?

I 32M and my wife 31F have been married for 6 years and have lived together for about a decade, and we now have our first of probably two kids, currently age 2.
I have been working the same job for 9 years, and it is my last 2 weeks. My new job starts after memorial day.
There is a subject in our relationship dynamic that I'm not sure how to bring up, and I could use some help. Generally it revolves around the fact that, with an increasingly demanding kid, tasks and chores are more often done quickly, or around the toddler, or while trying to be extremely quiet because she's sleeping. As such it's become much more common to, let's be frank, fuck things right up.
I woke up this morning and when I went downstairs to get ready for work I looked over mid-poop and realized there was no toilet paper left. I looked in all the usual spots and realized we were totally out on this floor and I couldn't go upstairs because that would wake the baby, so eventually I just found some tissues in a medicine cabinet and made do. My wife does the grocery shopping and tracking what household items we need. I texted my wife an FYI so when she got up she'd bring a roll down from upstairs and hopefully we have an extra one up there.
I was at work about 30 minutes when I got a text
"I'm really really really angry right now and I'm trying to calm down."
About 20 minutes go by. I am getting extremely anxious so I text pre-emptively apologizing if it was something I did, and I get
"I burned breakfast because I was retching over the toilet because the ice tray was made of soap, and I didn't realize until I tasted one."
We message back and forth. To be clear, I apologize, immediately admit it must have been my fault, soap must have gotten in the tray from me doing the pots and pans or from the dishwasher and I didn't rinse it out well before filling it, I just saw it empty on the counter the night before and filled it up.
She can't believe I wouldn't smell it, it stinks to high heaven, we need to have a family meeting because clearly Some Things Just Aren't Working, I said I was sorry but I didn't say thats disgusting so I wasn't taking it seriously.
Through all of it I'm just thinking...it's been over an hour. I haven't done any work. I've been on my phone, or I've been sitting there between texts with a knot in my stomach, feeling like shit because I know I fucked something up even if I didn't know what.
I can't do this at a new job. I won't be basically indispensable at this new place yet, and I don't want to stop trying to do tasks around the house because frankly...my wife and I don't actually have 2 vastly different levels of attention to detail. There are things we care more or less about detail wise but I'm not some slob to my wife's total steel trap.
But I really don't know how to approach the subject at all. And hey, working dudes with wives who get on them - you're typing a thing in solidarity now I get it I really do that's NOT what I'm looking for.
Parents who stay at home, whose workplace it is and who have to split the maintenance with someone whose there 1/5th the time you are: what would be a good way to bring this up that would not just result in angeindignation? It seems like any time I end up in the situation where I want to have this conversation I can't because I've just messed something up.
Apologies for the wicked long post.
TLDR: I mess things up around the home. My wife doesn't come to my work and mess things up. I'm beginning a new job and can't have the regular conversation about something I've messed up. How can i make that request?
submitted by mrsc0tty to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 03:23 RecordLegume Be 100% honest.. how clean is your home?

I’m feeling like I’m drowning lately. I have two little boys at home. my oldest will be 5 next month and starting kindergarten in the fall, and my youngest will be 3 in August.
My house is mostly tidied up but things just constantly feel chaotic. I feel like I get something done like putting away laundry, only to turn around and see that the boys have every toy out in their bedrooms. We then tidy up the bedrooms together, but I remember I need to throw in my next load of laundry which is my 3 year old's bedding because he's just getting over pink eye and I need to wash them immediately before reinfects himself, so I run and strip his bed and take it downstairs to start it in the washer. Whoops, need to sort through the contents of the washer and either hang them up or put them in the dryer. Shit. Dryer is full of toddler clothes that need folded and put away. It's 12:00pm. Kids need lunch. Throw wet washer clothes in a basket, start washing bedding, make lunch. Time to clean up lunch. Washer is done. Still have another load that needs to dry. Toddler had to poop and didn't make it to the potty in time. Gotta clean him up. Head upstairs for fresh clothes. Their bedroom is still messy. They have toys and paper and crayons and legos everywhere. They help clean up but it still mostly consists of me following them around and helping them. They genuinely play with toys and do their best to put them away after playing, but the disasters happen when I’m neck deep in my own chores. We do not have a lot of things. I’m actually a bit more minimalist than most. It is just the domino effect of chores that is so frustrating. I can usually tidy the house on my own within 20-30 min but I never have 20-30 minutes without kids in my wake ready to get into the next thing.
This is a typical day and I am just stressed. The poopy clothes from lunch are just now making it through the washer and it’s 9pm. All of my clothes are hanging up but wet, so I likely won’t have any decent clean clothes to wear tomorrow. My 5 year old’s basket is full of clean folded laundry that still needs put away. The dog needs a bath. The basement needs organized. The car needs a deep clean. The house is finally tidy, but all 3 bathrooms need deep cleaned, I need to vacuum and mop upstairs. I need to finish up some landscaping because things are half finished outside but mom’s hobbies always come last. Am I alone in this?
submitted by RecordLegume to breakingmom [link] [comments]


2024.05.16 00:44 ribfeast Toddler (3.5) was doing fine asking to poop, but over the last few months can’t be bothered to ask and smears underwear

Our toddler was doing fine. We hit “full” potty training status around a year ago and this latest regression has us at wits end. For the last few months he has no desire to ask to poop in the potty. How it usually goes is he’ll be playing on his own, get up after a while and either pick at his pants or smell like he had an accident and sure enough there’s a small scale accident in his underwear.
Of course when we put him on the potty afterwards he doesn’t have to go. He eats plenty of fiber but we did notice his stool’s slightly on the firmer looking side so we made sure to up the fiber and introduce low doses of miralax in his water.
One thing I read that resonated was that pooping takes time whereas peeing is “instant.” My hypothesis is that he gets so wrapped up in playing that he tries to hold it until he can’t.
What can we do to get him excited about asking to go? We’ve tried emphasizing that having an accident takes longer (less playtime) we’ve tried potty dances and positive reinforcement.
What works?
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2024.05.15 22:46 evewashere I just went to a Loblaws

So my son could take a massive shit in their bathrooms. I’m a very proud mama right now 😂
Edit: weird that I have to clarify but my toddler pooped in a toilet that was then flushed. Not sure how some of yall are using bathrooms but we aren’t trashing anything or leaving the place in any kind of shambles lol
submitted by evewashere to loblawsisoutofcontrol [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 22:43 alibudan92 Takes forever to put newborn to sleep for bedtime

Hello mamas 👋
My 2 week old is a fairly happy and easy going newborn so far, but this night time routine with him is gonna drain me pretty quickly.
So long story short: he usually wakes from his mini nap at about 6-7pm and I can’t seem to put him to bed until 10-11pm. He gets a bit cranky towards the evening, feeds alot and does like 10 poops in an hour (I’m not even joking). I feel like all I do is change his nappy and sit there with my boobs out ready for him.
This “night time routine” turns into an almost a 3 hour wake window for him but no matter what I do I can’t get him to fall asleep earlier. Should I just let it go and let him be awake since that’s the case?
I keep our room dark, I breastfeed on demand, use white noise, swaddle, tried rocking him to sleep, I always make sure his nappy is clean and dry etc. Do you have any advice? I also have a toddler to deal with so would be nice to go to bed earlier to get some rest.
submitted by alibudan92 to beyondthebump [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 21:46 nevermind084 Rehoming a Shiba in Georgia

Looking to rehome a shiba in Georgia, Forsyth county area. He is a 7 year old black and tan. Does not do well with children or other animals due to fear aggression. He does however get along fine with his sister, so I guess it just depends on the dog. He is super chill on the other hand, loves to lay in the sun outside and chew on his stuffed soccer ball inside. Looking to rehome because we are having another baby, and I am already playing musical chairs with a toddler. It’s not fair to the dog or toddler.
submitted by nevermind084 to shiba [link] [comments]


2024.05.15 20:53 sookfong A Week In Vancouver Island on a $92,000 Salary (Original Submission)

Please note this is the original submission I sent Refinery29. In the current post,they have given me a second credit card with a 100$ balance, as well as generational trauma from World War II and cut context for other things. I am trying to get that fixed.
Per previous discussion in comments here: The espresso machine is a Bezzera, which ranges from 2-5K. We got ours on sale for 1.7K, it’s a work house and we use it everyday, still hurts that we spent that money on a coffee maker.
I do understand mortgage is debt but when you compare it to rent to a lesser value condo in Vancouver it feels like not debt at all, which is how I tend to think of it. Yes I owe my mortgage but also I get my house instead of renting-which may not have become clear.
Please see in full the diary, below (edit for formatting via mobile)
Occupation: Sr Business Analyst
Industry: Tech
Age: 30
Location: Vancouver Island, BC
Salary: 92,000$ (Spouse makes 60,000$ for a combined income of 152,000$ before tax)
Net Worth: ~ 1.2 Million ( house is valued at 989,000$ currently, we have a combined 150,000 in pension, and ~60,000 in various company stocks, and GICs)
Debt: 3,000$ in a zero interest credit card for a 10 month period. We balanced transferred and pay 400$/month. Debt was acquired in Q4 2023 when we had to buy Snow Tires, and do a full break replacement as well as Christmas. 480,000$ in a mortgage, we refinanced in September 2023 for five years fixed rate at accelerated biweekly, however I don’t consider our mortgage debt due to the equity we are gaining, and that our mortgage for a five bedroom, 3 bath single family home is less than rent for a two bedroom condo in Vancouver
Paycheck Amount (Every 2 Weeks): 2,555$ after taxes. (Just mine). Spouse makes 2,308$ after taxes. Our pay periods are alternating.
Pronouns: She/her
Monthly Expenses Mortgage: 1450$ biweekly (100$ extra to the principal).
Utilities: ~200$ (includes water [paid quarterly], hydro [paid bimonthly], gas, sewetrash [paid quarterly] phone [highly discounted due to work plans for spouse and myself] and car gas) Loan Payments: 400$/Credit Card
Car Insurance: 84$
Life Insurance: 167$ combined (67$ me, 100$ spouse)
Health & Dental Insurance: 60$ deducted from pay (coverage for myself and spouse from my employer. Spouse also has coverage for both of us deducted from pay)
Retirement Contribution: 400$ (Employee matches me), (Spouse has a defined pension through work and contributes ~200$ month)
Union fees: 70$ Spouse
Subscriptions: Crave 22$/month (Recent splurge for Binge watching the Rookie), Playstation Plus 100$ (annual bought on Black Friday Deal), Amazon Prime 80$ (Annual), BCAA 120$ (annual) Gym 30$/month (we both have one so 15$/pp)
Note: My spouse and I have completely commingled finances. I will be tracking both as it’s essentially I spent whatever they spent
Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
There was always the expectation. My father was very clear, we were very smart. There was no way we’d be wasting our potential. He wanted me to be a lawyer, but unlike other immigrant parents, I got to choose my major and went into social sciences and got my masters in history. I deferred my PhD too much so I got dropped by the program.
I chose my university by where I got a full first year scholarship and then after that took about 15k in student loans for my undergraduate. My parents paid my rent and I got a part time job for food.
For my masters, I had a student line of credit and 5 k student loans otherwise it was all my savings and scholarships. With the line of credit, I had a total of 30K in student loans and paid it off in about four years.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
Save. We talked about how you get a dollar allowance and half of it goes into long term saving with 25% in short term and 25% in spend.
Investing came after I was eighteen. Family would like us to invest in property, however I don’t really want to be a landlord, but also we wouldn’t get to really enjoy profit of owning a rental property due to other family circumstances.
What was your first job and why did you get it?
Ice cream parlour I was twelve and my parents made me get it for responsibility. I lasted three weeks because I hated it.
Did you worry about money growing up?
I grew up thinking we were not rich, because we didn’t get big plane vacations (I didn’t count flying from Toronto to Vancouver every summer as a vacation since we were just seeing family but staying in a house my parents owned) and I had only been to Disney twice.
But we had a big new build house in the rich end of town, my mom stayed home to raise all of us. We had to work for things (like going to see a movie opening night or a new CD) but we always had money and got what we wanted. In retrospect, my family was/is fairly well off.
Both my parents grew up poor, with parents working multiple jobs and different shifts to make ends meet, the strive/drive to not have that childhood, and for my father to be able to retire his parents really impacted mine and my siblings and cousins lives. My father showed me the apartment he grew up in Chinatown a few years back. It’s light years away from the house my grandparents owned when I was a kid and how I grew up.
Do you worry about money now?
Of course. Inflation is real and we are actively planning a wedding for the next year, as well as a baby in the next few years. We also need to buy a second car, so we’re saving for that.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
Fully financially responsible? Twenty five. I lived in a family property where I didn’t pay rent in one of the most expensive cities in Canada, so even though I paid all my bills (food and phone), I didn’t have to pay rent. I in fact made money, as I rented rooms out and used the income for house utilities, and paying my student loans down faster. When I moved in with my spouse, I just paid condo fees until we bought our house two years ago which gave me plenty of time to save.
Our financial safety net is family, and our savings. I know my family would bail us out. My spouse’s father would as well. Conversely, we are my spouse’s mother's safety net and we have to keep all our plans in mind that we will be subsidising her.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain. Yes, I received 50K from my parents once they sold my childhood home, as did both of my siblings. I have also received 10K from one set of grandparents which paid off my car and part of my student loans when I was 21. I will be receiving another inheritance when probate is done for around ~100K. My spouse also has received inheritance which allowed them to buy their first condo in their early twenties when the market was much better. That condo, 50k, and the subsequent upgrading helped us afford our house.
Day 1
10 AM: I drive to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. Not how I want to start my Sunday morning but y’know. Normally I’d walk since it’s about 20 minutes but I have a UTI. I’m “lucky” that despite not having a dr because of the health care shortage, my work pays for the Maple app so I could get a dr to write the prescription and order the lab work at 1 am. I’ll do the lab work later this week when I can get an appointment but will take the relief now. Insurance makes the antibiotics free, but I also buy hydrogen peroxide because we’re out and we have a dog that thinks everything is meant to be in her mouth. We’ll buy a bigger one at Costco later. I also bought some oral wound mouthwash because we were out. I come home and my spouse made us breakfast.
Total: 15.90$ paid with debit.
1-2:30 PM: We do our taxes. I have a mini meltdown when I realize the part time bakery job I had for a few months didn’t take off income tax last year, so I owe 800$. Luckily, my partner is getting a refund so we net out positive 400$. The bakery took off income tax in 2022, so unsure why they didn’t in 2023. I made us lunch.
3-6:30 PM: We walk the dog, and watch the Rookie. Some time during that time period, a venue emails us back and is surprisingly affordable at 3k. I also get told that the tattoo artist I want to book with, has not chosen me.
6:30-7:30 PM: I explain what lazy girl dinner is to my spouse and make a lazy girl dinner. After not really grocery shopping since Feb for things besides fresh veg, we need to do a big pantry shop and neither of us want that. We debate about buying a food saver and if we should wait for a sale. My spouse is more frugal than me and has determined we should.
8-9:30 PM: We start season 3 of The Rookie, and then after two episodes we go to bed
Day One Total: 15.90$
Day Two
5:45-8 AM: Wake up and start work. I get up to date with what’s happened on the weekend and check that my automated reports. Sometime before 6:30, I get the kettle on for my spouse’s pour over before I go back to my meetings. There’s a twenty minute gap where I get changed and do my skin care and brush my teeth. I’d love to be a skin care person but honestly I’ve spent too much money on product that I don’t use and that just goes bad. Washing my face and using sun screen is a win.
I also make sure that Spouse’s lunch is in his bag and I get our travel mugs ready. Before, we used to go to Starbucks every day. Starbucks used to do free refills on coffee and tea if you were a rewards member if you bought a coffee or tea so it would cost us $5/day (2.5/pp), and we could get refills all day. While that’s 20$/week, 80$/a month and yes, we could have saved it but back then, that 80$ wasn’t turning the dial anywhere significantly for us—a privileged view.
But now, after COVID where I stopped drinking tea after one day working from home having like 10 cups and thinking I was dying, and Spouse has bought a good grinder and we recently splurged on a stupidly expensive espresso machine we call his Engagement Espresso since it costs the same price as my stupidly expensive ring, we bring our coffees.
8-8:30 AM: We drive to work. Prior to buying our house, we were both work from home and lived in a city with amazing transit. We only needed the one car. Since buying the house and moving to a city where public transit is a joke (the one bus goes past our house every 1.5h), Spouse changed jobs and is in office every day and I have to go in 3 days a week. We need a second car or the e-bike rebate to come through. We debate this in the car, since I’m done at 1 pm, and Spouse works normal hours, I either have to take the bus home, or go to the gym for three hours. Today though, I drop Spouse off. I will pick him up later as he has a half day because of the dentist
8:30-12:30 AM/PM: Work. I find a tech manager and ask them to get me more triple a batteries. Work won’t provide or let me expense batteries for my mouse, despite them replacing my usb mouse with a battery one. The poor admin had to tell me the decision is that we’ll all supply our own batteries. Luckily the tech managers have to have batteries on hand and give them out freely.
I ask my boss how the work from home tax forms work, and he is going to find out.
I run more meetings and work on a request for a dashboard and a business case for a new feature that I have to convince leadership to spend money on.
12:30-1 PM: I drive back to my Spouse because he has a dentist appointment.
While I wait for a spouse, I am incredibly hungry. I’m usually not hungry/don’t eat a proper meal until around 1 in the afternoon and my two granola bars I already ate at the office. I go to the bakery by Spouse’s work and buy a cheese bun for me (3.65$), and an apple pie scone (2.55$) for Spouse as a snack. Spouse points out he won’t be able to eat until after his appointment.
Total: 6.20$ debit
1-1:30 PM: I drop Spouse off, and the car stops working. The engine won’t catch. I try multiple times and then run into the dentist to dramatically announce to Spouse and the receptionists that the car won’t start. Spouse asks me what he wants me to do about this, since he’s about to go into an appointment. A very kind receptionist tells me it might be the alternator. I don’t know what that is.
I go back to the car to Facetime my father. He also asks what I think he can do to help since he lives 3000 km away. Weirdly, and sexistly, I thought a man who grew up at race tracks, in a racing family, or the man who has collected and worked on sports cars for forty years might be able to help.
Spouse texts me to remind me we have BCAA while my father also tells me that. I finally get the engine to catch and drive the very long way home, going the speed limit and getting stuck in traffic, construction and a bus. It takes me 20 minutes to get home instead of 10.
1:30-2:30 PM: I walk the dog, mail a (late) birthday card and then start researching what an alternator is. The car is over a decade old and until the house, the most expensive thing I ever bought at 12K back in 2015. We have the funds for the cost, but it’s my first car and the fact it might be the end of its life is scary.
Alternators can cost between 400-800$ repair with labour, so that’s fun.
My dad calls me back and apologises for asking me what he could do away. He advises me that there’s probably a bald spot on the alternator and advises me to go to the mechanic to check or replace it, if the car doesn’t start again.
I call the mechanic to book an appointment, and to also get the snow tires off and to buy new rims for the snow tires. The mechanic lets me know that the alternator part is 500$, and an hour of labour so with taxes we’re looking at around 700$
That future appointment next week (we’re going down a highway this weekend which requires snow tires) will cost ~1.5K, assuming we replace the alternator.
I make lunch and sigh.
2:30 PM: The car starts thankfully. I drive incredibly slow. I pick up Spouse by idling the car. We get an email back from a venue saying they cost 75,000$ minimum. The timing is hysterical.
Due to the nature of the dentist, Spouse owes 618$, as they haven’t flipped it under my insurance. They split it in half, as he has a follow up in two weeks. After the next appointment they will flip the whole amount under me and we’ll get reimbursed for the whole amount.
Total 309$/credit card.
3-10 PM: We walk the dog, make dinner (Spouse makes white sauce pasta, with chicken and peas) and watch The Rookie. There are thirteen episodes in season three, and we will be busy every night this week besides Friday and Sunday, and I would like to finish season three so we can start season 4 next Monday. I don’t want to pay for more than one month of Crave. We have five episodes left
Day Two Total: 315.2$
Day Three
1 AM: 100$ is automatically transferred from our account to the credit card debit. We have an auto transfer of 100$/every Tuesday to a Visa where we balance transferred both our cards. We have an offer for 0 interest for 10 months, so we did that for some of the bigger expenses (snow tires, break replacement and general Christmas) and are on track to pay it back within the next 6 months. That visa is our emergency card that we just have in the back end and utilise for promos like this. It allows us to keep our two cards balances manageable and lets us pay in an easier way than taking big chunks out of our various savings.
Total: 100$/direct deposit
5:45-9 AM: Work. Meetings, reports, trying to convince a colleague that the process does include them and refusal to follow it means that their requests won’t be done. Spouse has another half day so I can go into the office at my leisure—if the car starts
9-9:20 AM: The car starts, I get into the office and refresh a data flow before a meeting with a new stake holder. It takes longer to drive into work today because the tourists are starting to come and their van builds or campers are not exactly highway speed and with a two lane highway, if you don’t merge over fast enough you’re stuck.
10:05-10:20 AM: Meeting done, car starts again and I drive home for more meetings. The least amount of time in the office is preferable for me.
10:30-11AM : Meeting with my manager where we discuss future salary and promotion. I am due for a promotion in the start of Q2, which would push me to six figures. I’ll believe it when I see it but, I’m really excited at that possibility for my family.
11:15 AM: Spouse leaves for work, we discuss what groceries are needed, as well if he’ll go to Home Depot tonight to buy more clover seeds for the yard, as we need to reseed before it starts raining. I eat a muffin and my dog and cat decide to try and eat each other.
11:15-1:30 PM: Work runs late. There’s some issues with the data and we can’t figure it out. We call it a night, and I’ll record the video presentations tomorrow, once we fix the data.
1:30-4 PM: Nap time! It’s bad for me, but honestly I don’t sleep well during the night so naps are what keep me alive.
4-6 PM I prep dinner (smash burgers and fries), and get chores done and walk the dog.
6-7:30 PM: Spouse comes home, we eat dinner. Groceries come to 96.83 for two 7 pound pork loins, two packs of bacon, chicken nuggets, coffee, pop, 8 pack of peppers, milk, tomato, pickles, rice, avocado, mushrooms, sour cream and lettuce.
Not too bad, we average about 300$/month in groceries because we can buy bulk and have a second freezer.
For the month of March we are currently at 123.61$ for groceries and there is twelve days left. We went on a small weekend away, so we ate out a fair bit but even then our current food budget is 272.27$ today.
Total: 96.83/ debit
7:30-10 PM: Spouse makes a coffee and plays video games with his friends. They do it every week. I have a shower, fold and put away laundry and read in bed.
Day Three Total: 196.83
Day Four
1AM: Our biweekly accelerated mortgage payment comes out of 1450$. I’m tracking it here to be honest on our spending but I tend not to think of it as money spent because in my head it’s already money gone. To pay for a house equivalent in Vancouver, the mortgage would be over 6k. Renting a two bedroom condo would be 3K. It feels like the mortgage is just cheaper rent, even though each time I own more of my house.
5:45-9 AM: Work. I find out the limits of how many people I can invite to a Teams Meeting as well as that the Thursday before Good Friday is a catholic holiday when a few people ask me to reschedule a training forum for over a thousand people. Sometime in there I make us coffee, make sure Spouse has lunch packed (leftovers). Spouse has walked the dog and has the recycling and compost out for pick up. I drop Spouse off at work.
10-11:45 AM: I leave the office for home and more meetings. I walk the dog and go record training videos. I get an email that Amazon is doing their big spring sale. I send a link to a robot mop and vaccum that’s on a big discount to Spouse. We want one, but I’m not in charge of the research on it. I send links to play grounds to my friends with toddlers
11:45-12:30 PM : I shove lunch in my mouth, last night’s left overs. I’m running late, and decide to get myself later by collecting all the random dishes and mugs that just show up places and start the dishwasher. I get to the lab ten minutes early but need to buy gas on the way home.
I tell my team I’ll be MIA for a bit and leave the work phone in the car.
I buy 15.6L of gas for 30$ at 1.879/l it sucks. I don’t fill up because we’re going to my in laws this weekend and there’s a Costco Gas Bar there.
Total: 30$/credit card
12:30-1:30 PM: Work goes long again.
1:30-2:30 PM: Nap!
2:30-4:30 PM: Walk the dog and drive to the gym. I usually go three times a week but with last week’s weekend away and this week’s weird half days from Spouse, today’s the only day. I make it up by doing both upper and lower body and a 30 minute circuit.
4:30-7:30 PM: I pick up Spouse and we go to Costco. We pick up nachos, ham, cheese buns and some other items. We debate buying our friend’s kid a toddler set of clothes and decide no. We end up buying work pants for Spouse, and a garden hose. It comes out to 116.90
I order our Costco dinner of hot dogs and fries for a grand total date night of 6.41$
Total: 123.31/ credit card
8-9 PM: Dance class! We bought a series of six lessons of introduction to ballroom back in December for a new date night idea. We paid 60$/pp and this is the fifth lesson tonight.
9 pm: We’re home, we let the dog out. Spouse spends an undetermined amount of time watching ballroom videos while I sleep.
Day Four Total: 1603.31$ or 153.31 excluding the mortgage payment.
Day Five
5:45-9 AM: Work. All the meetings. Thursday is the meeting day. I debate with a friend what’s the earliest call we’ve had. 4:30 am still wins. I pack lunch for Spouse and his coffee and he leaves. I end up cleaning up cat puke as the cat decides to drink milk from Spouse’s cereal and vomit it up on camera in a meeting.
9-9:30 AM: I make myself a matcha and walk the dog.
9:30-1 PM: Work and I treat myself to a lunch of a cheese bun and ham sandwhich. We used to eat it every Sunday while growing up but the cost of ham has been outrageous. The deal at Costco yesterday was 1.5$/100 g which is really good.
1-1:30 PM: I seal the wooden deer Christmas decoration we bought last year. It sits outside our front door and needs to be weather proofed, and I’ve been putting it off for five months. But the weather is good and we have newspapers. We have left over wood sealer after the sign we bought a year ago so I use that. The dog and the cat both don’t like my wooden deer.
1:30-4 PM: Nap!
4-5 PM: I basically just watch youtube and drink a root beer. I have no energy.
5-6:30 PM: Spouse comes home, we walk the dog and I make dinner (Kraft Dinner and nuggets–I swear we eat veggies but today is not that day). We discuss the possibility of our dog at our wedding as a flower girl, and if she’ll be in a tutu or a cheongsam like me. I am now researching if they make dog cheongsams and if she can match us. The cat, despite all my heart wanting it, won’t physically be there because he will have an anxiety attack and probably die.
6:30-10:30 PM: Board game night! We go to a friend’s to repeat the same scenario we’ve lost two weeks in a row.
10:30-11 PM: I pack Spouse’s breakfast (oatmeal and frozen berries), lunch (spicy tuna and mayo) since he’s trying to go to the gym before work, and feed the animals before we go to bed.
Day Five Total: 0$
Day Six Friday
5:45-9 AM: Work. I have a deep focus block which means I can get the script for the training I have to run. Public speaking is not my strong suit and it’s a group of a thousand people so I’m not looking forward to it. Spouse almost makes it to the gym. I get an email that my new work phone has shipped. I’m surprised because they wouldn’t order us any for the past four years, but I guess my new iPhone will show up next week. I might give my old work phone to my mother in law, since she smashed the camera on the phone we bought her last year.
9-9:30 AM: I walk the dog, make a matcha and make a todo list for what we have to get done before we leave to my in laws tomorrow. I text my mother in law happy birthday, and hope that she got the card in time. She did.
9:30-11:30 AM: My last meeting for the week ends and I’m debating calling it a day so I can nap. Instead I make lunch (cheese bun and ham), text my other mother in law our plan for Saturday, and unload and reload the dishwasher and go back to work for at least another hour.
12:30-1 PM: I shower and do skin care
1-3 PM: Nap! Somewhere in this time FedEx comes and since I’m sleeping, we have to pick up on Monday. I’m not too sure what it is, I assume it’s our custom address stamp from Etsy because that’s the only thing I’ve bought recently but not too sure. I just realized in retrospect, this might be my new work phone.
3-5 PM: I prep dinner (nachos), unload the dishwasher, pack my overnight bag and confirm all our venue tours by email. I start a load of laundry and do a quick clean. I feel like this is not the best image of our diet. I swear we generally eat healthy but we both have been feeling really blah over the past two weeks so have been going for quick and easy over healthy and balanced. I do have three whole peppers and two whole avocados in the nachos though.
5-7 PM: Spouse comes home, we walk the dog, have dinner, and plan out next week. We have a big Wednesday next week (mechanic, I have a nails appointment, dance class), and we are having our friends over for Easter so we need to prep for that. We pack the car so tomorrow is a very easy start.
Spouse also gets paid today. We’re lucky that we’re on alternating pay periods, we used to be on the same and it always felt stressful. Spouse also lets me know his union has secured a 3% cost of living raise to start in Q3. I really like his union for negotiating a base 2% year of cost of living raise, with potential addition raises depending on inflation. It’s a bit away but that’s still good news.
7:30-10:30 PM: We finish The Rookie Season 3 and head to bed. Crave reminds me that I have 10 days until I’m charged again. Sadly, I think we’ll have to pay for 2 months.
Day Six Total: 0
Day Seven Saturday
8:30-9:30 AM: Wake up. No one (except the dog) slept well so we’re not in a morning mood. Spouse makes coffee and walks the dog, while I finish packing the car and give the cat a lot of attention. Our first venue tour is at 11 and the one that is the most expensive (8-10K), but also the one we probably want the most. We live about an hour away but the highway is two lanes and one accident can back everything up for hours.
10:40-1 PM: We visit our dream venue. We stay way longer than expected. Basically if the quote is under 10K, we’ll get it. Just waiting now.
1-2 PM: We get to our in-laws and have a lunch of egg salad sandwhichs. We need to buy gas. My in laws drive us to a pottery painting store.
2-4 PM: We paint pottery. My mother in law only wanted to do this for her birthday. They’ll pick it up in a week after it’s been thrown. I paint a vase (28$), Spouse paints an Easter egg (18$), father in law paints a mug (30$), and mother in law paints a plate (50$)
Total:143.36/credit card
4-5 Pm: We see another venue. It’s an instant no. My in laws decide they want to try Korean fried chicken. We call ahead for take out to get two fries and 16 pieces of half and half. It comes to 50.83$ that my in laws pay for.
5-10 PM: We come back and see that our dog has pooped in their house and also has gotten into their pantry and eaten an entire bag of dog food. It is not a fun night.
We spend the night drinking wine and discussing the wedding and watching TV.
10PM: We go to bed. That’s the end of this week, but tomorrow we will be buying gas and probably lunch for my other mother in law as we will be touring another venue.
Day Seven Total: 143.36$
submitted by sookfong to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 20:30 BigGayNarwhal Advice? 6 yr old level 3 refusing clothes or to leave home…

Hello everyone. I hope it is alright that I post here as a parent. I often read and lurk here in an effort to try and learn more about my daughter and how she may be feeling, however I try not to post or comment to respect your space.
My daughter (6) is level 3. She is minimally verbal (kind of like the level of a young toddler, though making great progress every day), uses an AAC (mostly for requests), not potty trained at the moment. She’s a big sensory seeker (proprioceptive and vestibular), and can have some pretty explosive meltdowns when she’s not well regulated and/or upset and frustrated. She’s very silly and active and smart, loves to be outside and play with us and her grandparents and her dog and family friends. She’s the sweetest kid ever.
About 3-4 weeks ago, she refused a new diaper after being changed. This happens sometimes when she’s agitated so we didn’t force the issue and said no worries, just let us know when you’re ready. She continued to refuse her diaper for the remainder of the day, and has not worn once since. Problem being—she was/is not potty trained or really developmentally ready for it (I think her interception is not quite ready).
We offered her undies, have been having her sit on the potty a ton (which she has grown comfortable with since we bought her a special seat and let her watch the iPad while she’s on it). I also put some of her favorite sensory items in the bathroom too. She will go sometimes, but only pee and only like once a day.
Anyway—since that day, she refused diapers or underwear, any and all clothing (normally we don’t make her wear clothes at home, only outside of the house), or to even leave the house in the car. So we we’ve pretty much all been trapped inside, and unable to go anywhere, since she’s fully naked and mostly peeing/pooping around the house while we clean up after her and try to encourage her to use the potty as much as she reasonably can without making her anxious.
So she’s missed like 3 weeks of kindergarten (which she always seemed to love and enjoy and was doing really well), and speech therapy (which she also loved because they had a big play gym). Luckily her OT already came to the house so she still comes to play.
We’ve been working nonstop to try and make sure her sensory needs are being met. We made sure she wasn’t sick and didn’t have an infection. We tried other fits and brands of diapers, undies with her favorite colors and characters and different fabrics, and every form of bribery on the planet. She loves milkshakes, cake pops, the beach, target, visiting her grandparents, the trampoline park, aquarium, zoo, etc. And despite offering all of these things if she will leave the house in clothes, she will not budge.
The only thing that has helped so far is that I bought zip up dresses that are normally swim covers, and she is okay wearing those to play in the yard or go on walks (but still no diaper or undies). I think the clothes over her head and ankles were agitating her. I bought like 8 of these covers and keep one in the car, on hooks by the doors, etc so we are ready whenever she wants to go out.
We started seeing a pediatric psychiatrist on (he sees us on zoom since we can’t leave the house) who has been really helpful. I told him this seems like anxiety and autistic burnout (idk if that’s the right term?), and he agreed. We had been talking about medication anyway for aggression (she’s hurt me pretty bad a few times on accident when angry). He prescribed something to help with anxiety and meltdowns, and it seems to be helping. It’s only been a week, but she’s sleeping better at night and happy during the day. No meltdowns or tantrums, and doesn’t appear to have any bad side effects. But she still won’t get dressed to go in the car anywhere.
I feel so bad because she can’t explain why and despite trying every way I can think of, I can’t figure out what it is. We are trying to keep demands low at home and not force her. Everyone, including teachers and therapists, have all been really supportive and agree nobody should force her, and they all FaceTime her during the week to say hi and tell her they miss her.
Has anyone here experienced this? Or can you offer insight? I really want to help her. And I know it’s not about us (the parents), but I’m just so exhausted and stressed out and sad.
submitted by BigGayNarwhal to SpicyAutism [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 02:14 Diligent_Pangolin_54 10th gen seat covers

10th gen seat covers
2011 Mazda3 iTouring with 160k miles. The tan upholstery got absolutely destroyed by my toddler but I didn’t feel like spending $800+ on seat covers was a smart investment. So, for under $200, I invested in these. I am actually pleasantly surprised by the quality and fit for the money. They took about a week to arrive from China but if anyone else is in the same boat as me, take the risk. It’s worth it.
submitted by Diligent_Pangolin_54 to mazda3 [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 22:27 andrea_wolfe Is two iggys really better than one?

Is two iggys really better than one?
Our boy Fig is about 9 months old. He is extremely loving and wants constant attention. Which we love, and is why we chose this breed. But it’s to the point that I cant even use the bathroom without him barking LOL. Someone needs to be in the same room with him 24/7 to prevent barking. He also wants to play constantly, which isn’t an issue, we love to play with him, the only issue is that he’s very mouthy which we are still working on. The mouthiness is really only an issue for our 3 year old who is low to the ground and gets her pig tails bit and pulled a lot. I am debating getting another iggy so they can roll around and play together and just be dogs. (Pun intended). And obviously we would just love a second. The biggest things deterring me from getting a second is the potty training issues 🫠 he will pee and poop outside, but having a toddler I cannot walk him every 2 hours. And that’s what it would take to avoid him going potty inside. He pees A LOT, even wakes up through the night to pee. I’m okay with using pee pads but 90% of the time he pees off the side and all over his legs and it’s literally destroying my hard wood floors and it SMELLS SO BAD. Poop is less of an issue. He does poop usually 3 times a day, sometimes at very weird times like 3am 🥲 but for the most part the poop is a non-issue as it’s very easy to clean up compared to a puddle of pee. Crating is an issue too, as sometimes he will poop in his crate and he ends up covered in it. And it will pee in his crate too. Potty training is an all around disaster and it’s the main thing deterring me from getting a second iggy. Does anyone have any personal experience they can share?
submitted by andrea_wolfe to ItalianGreyhounds [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 20:43 th987 Prostate cancer humor

Four days after my husband’s surgery, and I know you might be a prostate cancer patient’s wife if you cheer when he first passes gas and again, when he first manages to poop after surgery.
Will also cheer when the catheter is removed.
I’ve decided those are the big three week after surgery goals/moments.
Gas. Poop. No longer peeing into a bag.
In the morning of the fourth day after surgery, he came out of the bath and said h felt like a toddler who just managed to poop in the potty for the first time.
I cheered and asked if I should give him a gold star sticker, because it was a Potty Chart and little star stickers that finally got our son potty trained.
His whole attitude about it was, What’s in it for me?
Stars on a chart?
Okay. That was enough for him.
If you can’t tell, I’m still practically giddy with relief that surgery is over and at how well my husband is doing four days post op.
Our report for anyone facing or their wives this:
First 28 hours were rough, painful, swollen abdomen and feeling the pressure of the gas used to inflate the abdomen for surgery. If the drs can pump it in, why can’t they pump it out? For some reason, they can’t. Has to come out on his own.
He had to be there very early and it took forever for them to have a room clean and someone to transport him to the regular room after the recovery room, so I was there for 14 hours surgery day.
Wasn’t there yet next morning when dr came through, so I didn’t get to ask questions and he didn’t or maybe was still fuzzy after surgery and pain meds. Wish I’d been there.
Also, he was in pain and if I’d been there, I would have spoken up more to get them to try something more for his pain sooner, which is what I did when I got there. You just have to keep saying what he’s taking isn’t working to everyone until someone gives him something different.
Oxy wore off way too soon before he could have another dose. Morphine did nothing. High dose anti inflammatories did it. Much, much more comfortable.
He did great with walking first day and wasn’t uncomfortable walking. It was lying flat and the process of going from lying down to sitting and sitting to standing that was uncomfortable. Lend a strong arm for that. Also for bending over. Help getting pants, shoes and socks on, once he’s wearing those.
Second day, he didn’t walk as much because they said early they were discharging him, so he got dressed and sat down to wait to go home, but nothing happens fast in a hospital. Long wait, and once he got home, he was tired, took a long nap. So not a lot of walking that day. Don’t think you’ll get discharged fast and not walk.
Third day, he overdid it with the walking and was uncomfortable and in some pain for part of the night. Finally felt ready to poop, but couldn’t.
He worked a bit at home office Saturday and Sunday, refused narcotics after first day in hospital and was clear headed enough to work a bit.
Expected to do a full day of work Monday (don’t even ask me why or try saying some people actually take more than two full days off after surgery). Sore and tired from night before, but then …
Poop!
Cheers!
Relief!
Took a nice nap. Back at work now.
Will whisper this part, not wanting to jinx it: he hasn’t complained much about the catheter and it doesn’t seem to be bothering him as much I thought it might. Fine with leg bag during the day, except it making napping difficult because the leg needs to stay lower than the pelvis, but didn’t want hassle of switching to big overnight bag.
Definitely get the 5 gallon bucket for overnight bag to keep bag dangling and catch any leaks from the bag.
He needed help switching the bags first three days because of how high the connection point was for switching the bags. Just awkward to handle without being able to bend and see. Same with buttoning and unbuttoning the elastic straps on the leg bag.
Pick a spot for the little blue caps to cover the opening on the urine bags when not in use. They’re small and you don’t want to lose them. Have to keep the bag capped so no germs can get into them.
All in all, post op has been easier than I expected. Husband is 66, but active and in good shape. Think that made this a lot easier to tolerate and recover.
submitted by th987 to ProstateCancer [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 14:45 Maru3792648 How to describe black people to a toddler ?

My husband and I are not Americans but our son is. We just moved to a city with a large African American population so neither us or my son were exposed to many racial Interactions with black people before.
I dont know if this question is silly or offensive so pls apologize me if it is… but how can we describe black people to my son? He’s almost 3 now, and for example: there’s one black person working at his school and 2 classmates.
He doesn’t know their names yet, so is it ok to ask “which classmate? The black girl?”. Or when describing a friend to him is it ok to say “the black boy?” Or should I use brown? African?
We know one of the 2 classmates is not even African American. He’s French Somalian, so saying “African American” wouldn’t apply here.
Are there terms I should avoid?
In my language it’s normal to say “the blonde, the brunette, the white, the tanned, the black person, etc” but I know that American has a complicated history with race so I’m super worried of teaching the wrong thing to him.
EDIT: Thanks for the replies so far. Too many are recommending to deflect or tiptoe by mentioning other attributes… but that sometimes may be possible and sometimes not. Sometimes you don’t know anything about them but need a quick descriptor. Especially for a toddler with limited vocabulary.
My question is whether mentioning someone is black is the appropriate term or that can be offensive. I’d love to hear from black people especially!
submitted by Maru3792648 to TooAfraidToAsk [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 07:42 lnmcg223 Falling apart over here

Our almost 8 month old used to be a pretty okay sleeper. Woke up 2-3 times a night, fed her, went back to sleep.
Well. Idk what did it exactly. A lot has happened over the past couple of weeks so maybe baby is just more clingy and I feel for her for that --but I'm losing my damn mind.
She had an anaphylactic reaction to peanuts about two weeks ago, caught a cold from our toddler, and is getting 4 teeth in at the same time. She was also probably a bit constipated from all the meds she was on as she went a couple of days without pooping--that resolved today. And she also has eczema on her face that I have to consistently put Vaseline on
So I completely get her discomfort--I just can't hold her and stay awake all night long to do so safely.
She sleeps in the room with us. The goal is to move her to the "third" bedroom (it has no windows) to sleep train her before then moving her to the same room as our toddler.
But tonight, I have moved myself to the couch and I'm doing Ferber until she falls asleep tonight because I just can't. And I feel so terrible for it, but I've become a zombie averaging 4 hours of less of broken sleep a night and I just can't do it anymore.
submitted by lnmcg223 to sleeptrain [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 03:52 whatevermang12345678 Leaking Pee After P**ping But No Issue When Just Peeing While Standing - 30M

When I sit on a toilet and poop, if I get up and continue on with my day, after a few minutes, some pee slowly dribbles out from my penis for the next 30-60 minutes, enough to create a big wet spot on my pants. If I pee standing up, this is not an issue at all. If I pee standing up, empty my bladder and then poop, I will still have the leaky pee issue. I can mostly avoid this issue by sitting on the toilet for a while, like 20+ minutes. 5 minutes will go by and then randomly some pee decides to come out. That happens a few times and then I am mostly good.
This was not an issue prior to being 19 and since then it has always been a problem.
A few years ago I had a doctor put a scope into my urethra and into my bladder and everything looked fine. He said it is most likely a brain issue and I need to retrain myself kind of like we all did when we were toddlers.
I have no pain during any of this. I only take a multivitamin. No smoking, no alcohol. 190 lbs, 6' 4", Caucasian.
Do other people have this? Sometimes in a stall I hear other men peeing at random times long after they are done pooping.
submitted by whatevermang12345678 to AskDocs [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 02:15 nomorelandfills No, You Beg - 2021 article from The Cut about the difficulty in adopting in the COVID era

No, You Beg - 2021 article from The Cut about the difficulty in adopting in the COVID era
Another copied article to keep in reserve. It's an odd article from the pandemic, recounting the boom in rescue adoptions. It is a fairly pointless article in that it uses some really shifty rescuers, including Pixies and Paws, as sources, brightly highlights a bioethicist who uses her own foolish adoption of two pit bull mixes as evidence that most people shouldn't own dogs, and chronicles but fails to understand the loathing rescuers have for adopters. It does, however, wonderfully illustrate how rapidly the good times ended in rescue. Anyone reading the the current "we've never been so overwhelmed with dogs" rescue laments should know that there's a link between today's problems and yesterday's reckless opportunism.
The "bioethicist"
“I think it’s probably true that the majority of people who want to adopt a dog should not,” Jessica Pierce, a bioethicist who studies human-animal relationships, tells me. “They don’t have the wherewithal and don’t have what they need to give the animal a good life.” She herself ended up with two pets that didn’t get along at all — a herding mix and a pointer mix whose constant fighting made the idea of hosting a dinner party both perhaps “bloody” and definitely “scary and miserable.” She says shelters shouldn’t “drive away potentially loving and appropriate adopters because they don’t meet predetermined criteria,” but she also sees the importance of a thorough application process that prepares humans for the pitfalls of pet parenthood. “You need to be ready to have a dog who doesn’t like people very much,” says Pierce. When Bella, the 11-year-old she got from the Humane Society, dies, she’s not sure she will get a replacement, noting that the pandemic puppy boom is “driven by a reflection of human narcissism and neurosis.”
However, this is a fantastic truth long overdue for the telling.
“I started to talk to shelter leaders across the country,” Cushing says. “And one by one, they said any adoptable dog without a medical issue is gone by noon on Saturday. But the public didn’t know that. Only the dog seekers and the experts did.”
https://preview.redd.it/v2owlquz230d1.png?width=1139&format=png&auto=webp&s=a95a7983b4f018f043125a0819a16941cec1e6aa
Jack, adopted by Tori and Paris through In Our Hands Rescue.
It was a rainy Sunday in June, and Danielle had fallen in love.
The 23-year-old paralegal spent the first part of her afternoon in McCarren Park, envying the happy dog owners with their furry companions. Then she stumbled upon an adoption event in a North Brooklyn beer garden, where a beagle mix being paraded out of the rescue van reminded her of the dog she grew up with, Snickers. It all felt like fate, so she filled out an application on the spot. She was then joined by her best friend and roommate, Alexa, in sitting across from a serious-looking young woman with a ponytail who was searching for a reason to break her heart.
Danielle and Alexa were confident they would be leaving with Millie that day: After all, they had a 1,000-square-foot apartment within blocks of McCarren and full-time employment with the ability to work from home for the foreseeable future. But the volunteer kept posing questions that they hadn’t prepared for. What if they stopped living together? What if Danielle’s girlfriend’s collie mix didn’t get along with her new family member? What would be the solution if the dog needed expensive training for behavioral issues? Which vet were they planning to use?
All of which, upon reflection, were reasonable questions. But when it came to the diet they planned for the dog, they realized they were out of their depth. Danielle recalled that Snickers had lived to 16 and a half on a diet of Blue Buffalo Wilderness, the most expensive stuff that was available at her parents’ Bay Area pet store. “Would you want to live on the best version of Lean Cuisine for the rest of your life?” sniffed the volunteer with a frown. She would instead recommend a small-batch, raw-food brand that cost, when they looked it up later, up to $240 a bag. “If you were approved, you’d need to get the necessary supplies and take time off from work starting now,” the dog gatekeeper said. “And the first 120 days would be considered a trial period, meaning we would reserve the right to take your dog back at any time.” The would-be adopters nodded solemnly.
The friends rose from the bench and thanked the volunteer for her time. Believing they were out of earshot, the volunteer summed up the interview to a colleague: “You just walked by, and you’re fixated on this one dog, and it’s because you had a beagle growing up, but you want to make your roommate the legal adopter?”
When Danielle and Alexa were young, one could still show up at a shelter, pick out an unhoused dog that just wanted to have someone to love, and take it home that same day. Today, much of the process has moved online — to Petfinder, a.k.a. Tinder for dogs, and various animal-shelter Instagram accounts that send cute puppy pics with heartrending stories of need into your feed and compel you to fill out an adoption application as you sit on the toilet. Posts describing the dogs drip with euphemisms: A dog that might freak out and tear your house up if left alone is a “Velcro dog”; one that might knock down your children is “overly exuberant”; a skittish, neglected dog with trust issues is just a “shy party girl.” Certain shelters have become influencers in their own right, like the L.A.-based Labelle Foundation, which has almost 250,000 Instagram followers and counts Dua Lipa and Cara Delevingne among its A-list clients. Rescue agencies abound, many with missions so specific that you could theoretically find one that deals in any niche breed you desire, from affenpinschers to Yorkshire terriers.
This deluge of rescue-puppy content has arrived, not coincidentally, during a time of growing awareness of puppy mills as so morally indefensible that even Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez could draw fire for seemingly buying a purebred French bulldog in early 2020. Then came the pandemic puppy boom, a lonely, claustrophobic year in which thousands of white-collar workers, sitting at home scrolling through their phones, seemed simultaneously to decide they were finally ready to adopt a dog. The corresponding demand spike in certain markets has simply overwhelmed the agencies: New York shelters that were used to receiving 20 applications a week were now receiving hundreds, with as many as 50 people vying for a single pup.
The rescue dog is now, indisputably, a luxury good, without a market pricing system at work to manage demand. A better analogy might be an Ivy League admissions office. But even Harvard isn’t forced to be as picky as, say, Korean K9 Rescue, whose average monthly applications tripled in 2020.
And yet someone has to pick the winners — often an unpaid millennial Miss Hannigan doling out a precious number of wet-nosed Orphan Annies to wannabe Daddy Warbuckses and thus empowered to judge the intentions and poop-scooping abilities of otherwise accomplished urban professionals, some of whom actually did go to Harvard.
This has led to some hard feelings. Every once in a while, someone will complain on Twitter about being rejected by a rescue agency, and it will reliably set off a cascade of attacks on “entitled rich white millennials assuming they can have whatever they want,” followed by counter-attacks on those who “appoint themselves the holy sainted guardian of all animals.” Danielle was ultimately deemed unworthy, not even receiving a generic rejection letter over email. After all, there isn’t really that much incentive for the rescue agencies to be polite these days.
The modern animal-rescue movement grew alongside the child-welfare movement in the mid-19th century. It got another boost in the years following World War II, when Americans were moving out to the suburbs in droves, according to Stephen Zawistowski, a professor of animal behavior at Hunter College. Suddenly, there were highways, yards, and space. Walt Disney was making movies about children and dogs that promoted the idea that no new home was complete without a loyal animal companion. (Zawistowski said that one might call this the Old Yeller Effect, but there were various riffs on the same theme over the ensuing decades. Essentially, Flipper was “Let’s put Lassie in the water.”)
In the early ’80s, University of Pennsylvania researchers confirmed the effects that animal companionship has on everything from blood pressure to heart conditions to anxiety. Pets were no longer just how you taught Junior to be responsible; they might be critical to maintaining adults’ physical and mental health. The way people spoke about animals started changing. The idea that “homeless” dogs were sent to the “pound” because they were “bad” went out of fashion. “Suddenly, you had ‘rescue’ dogs brightly lit in the mall,” says Ed Sayres, a former president of the ASPCA who now works as a pet-industry consultant. “Basically, we gave animals a promotion.” Meanwhile, in the late ’80s, spay and neuter procedures had been streamlined and were being recommended by vets as well as by Bob Barker on The Price Is Right.
Then came The Ad. Released in 2007, it featured close-ups of three-legged dogs and one-eyed cats rescued by the ASPCA over a wrenching rendition of Sarah McLachlan’s “Angel.” The commercial warned that “for hundreds of others, help came too late.” In just a year, the ad raised 60 percent of the ASPCA’s annual $50 million budget. The organization was reportedly able to increase the grant money it gave to other animal-welfare organizations by 900 percent in ten years. It is difficult to overstate the emotional hangover The Ad inflicted on millennials and members of Gen Z. Janet M. Davis is a historian at the University of Texas at Austin, where she lectures on animal rights to a demographically diverse body of students — everyone from cattle ranchers to vegan punks — most of whom cry when she shows The Ad in class. “It absolutely brings down the house,” she says. “Every time.”
Theoretically, the point of dog adoption is that there are more dogs born into the world than there are humans lined up to care for them. But as interest grew, the supply problem became less acute. Thanks to widespread spay and neuter policies, there are simply too few unwanted litters for what the adoption market wants.
National chains like PetSmart partnered with local shelters to supply its animals for sale. Savvy rescues in dog deserts like New York hooked up with shelters in the Deep South, where cultural attitudes toward spaying and neutering pets are much more lax. While there is no official registry of how many shelter dogs are available in the U.S., in 2017, researchers at the College of Veterinary Medicine for Mississippi State University published a study reporting that the availability of dogs in animal shelters was at an all-time low. “That is,” says Sayres, “an environment that leads to a kind of irrational, competitive behavior.” The rescue mutt had become not just a virtue signal but a virtue test. Who was a good enough human being to deserve a dog in need of rescuing?
Heather remembers the old easy days. “I went on Craigslist and an hour later, I had a puggle,” she says of her first dog-getting experience with her boyfriend in college. George the puggle humped everything in sight, shed everywhere, and chewed through furniture until the end of his life, but she loved him all the same.
Flash-forward 16 years: She and that boyfriend are married, have two kids, and can’t seem to get a new dog no matter what they try. Yes, she could find a breeder easily online (currently for sale on Craigslist: a Yorkie-poo puppy from a breeder asking $350 and just a few screening questions). But instead, in the middle of the pandemic, “I was sending ten to 12 emails a night and willing to travel anywhere, and no one would give us any sort of animal,” she remembers. Shelters would send snappy emails about how her family wasn’t suited for a puppy, even though they made good money and had clearly cared for their dearly departed George — they once drove three hours to get the dog a specially made knee brace. “I was trying to be really up front with people and would say that my daughter has autism and that I have a 3-year-old, and they would say no. It felt like they were saying, ‘We don’t give dogs to people who have disabilities.’ ”
It didn’t matter what kind of dog she applied for — older, younger, bigger, smaller — there was always an official-sounding excuse as to why her family wasn’t suitable. (“Pups this age bite and jump and scratch and while they are cute to look at, they are worse than a bratty ADHD toddler, without diapers,” one rescue wrote. “Sorry.”) She considered looking at emotional-support animals that work specifically with autistic youth but found out they could cost 18 grand and require a two-year waiting period. She couldn’t stomach the idea of setting up a GoFundMe, as other people in the community had. “It got to the point of me wondering, Okay, so what dogs do children get?” she recalls. “I always thought that dogs and children go together.” By the fall of 2020, Heather had turned back to breeders. “People get a little spicy when you say you paid for a dog. You want to scream that you tried your hardest, but it wasn’t possible,” she says.
Others, like Zainab, figured out ways to work the system. She blanketed agencies with applications in the early months of the pandemic, applying for 60 dogs. (The ease of applying online might also explain the statistics.) She thought the fact that she had a leadership role in public education would demonstrate that she was both successful and nurturing. “I’m a professional, I make good money, and I have a master’s degree,” she tells me. She was rejected all the same. Finally, a co-worker suggested Zainab make a résumé in order to stand out. The multipage document — which features testimonials from high-powered friends, including local elected officials — is what got her an exclusive meeting with Penny the pug in a parking lot. She was handed over with a leash tied around her neck and vomited in the front seat of Zainab’s car about three blocks later. Success!
Or take Lauren, who’d had dogs all her life and found living solo during COVID lonely. “You can’t be without an animal at this particular time,” she told herself. So she started applying for dogs on Petfinder and boutique-rescue websites. “I would look up at my clock, and it would be two in the morning,” she says. Her hopes were high when she got a meeting with a Chihuahua mix in the suburbs named Mary Shelley. Lauren thought the meeting went well, but it ultimately didn’t result in the interviewer granting the adoption. “Then I was in conspiracy-theory mode, thinking she doesn’t like gay people, or single people, or people who live in the city,” she says. “It was a crazy-making experience. It’s a pandemic, so your world is already turned upside down, but I became psychotic.
“The people who run rescue organizations — this was their moment to shine,” she adds. “Even though they were totally bogged down with requests, they got to feel the power. They got to make someone’s dreams come true or smash them to the ground.”
The inquiries can get extremely personal. “I found the questions very offensive,” says Joanna, a Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center nurse who tried to adopt last year with her architect husband. “I was like, ‘What does this have to do with getting a dog?’ ” Her husband didn’t even want to put the thought out into the universe, but he was forced to admit that he’d probably be the one to take a shared pet in the event of a divorce. The two also had to grapple with what would happen if one or both of them died of COVID during the pandemic. And would both of them be able to take three days off at a moment’s notice to help the dog acclimate to its new home? “I was frank with her and said, ‘I take care of cancer patients,’ ” says Joanna. “She was very unsatisfied with our answer.”
“The more popular the rescue is on the internet, the more clout they have,” says Molly, a writer in New York. “If you have a really good social-media presence, you can throw your weight around.” (The clout goes both ways: Posting about your rescue dog on Instagram is an indirect way of broadcasting that someone out there deemed you morally worthy enough to be chosen.) She inquired about eight dogs in six weeks from about five different rescues, only to be continually rejected. She finally got an interview with a rescue agency whose cute dogs she had seen on social media. They asked to tour her apartment over Zoom. Fine. They asked for her references. Great. But then they asked if she would pay for an expensive trainer. She asked if she could wait — not only was it during the height of COVID, but the cost of the sessions with the trainer could be close to $1,000. The person she was dealing with said over email that dogs were investments and suggested she look elsewhere. “I was like, This is so Brooklyn,” she says.
Still, others wished the warning about trainers had been more explicit. At the height of the pandemic, Steven remembers scrolling through social-media post after social-media post saying things like “URGENT: NEED TO FIND THIS GUY A HOME” while “picturing this dog on a conveyor belt going toward this whirring saw. And meanwhile I am screaming at my phone, ‘I applied and you turned me down!’ ”
But after securing a dog, he came to believe the process, while tough on the human applicants, wasn’t tough enough when it came to the dog’s needs. Right off the bat, Cooper was very hyper and mouthy when playing. “We were doing the thing that everyone does, like, posting pics: ‘We’re at the park, isn’t this fun, hahaha,’ ” he says. But the reality was much less Instagram-worthy. Cooper became difficult to handle, especially in a small New York apartment; mouthiness escalated to gnashing his teeth and guarding food. “It’s embarrassing, and I hate having to tell people we had to give the dog back,” he says. (So much so that Steven requested a pseudonym for himself and for Cooper.) “To be frank, the experience we had with the dog was pretty traumatic. If this volunteer had felt so powerful, I wish that they had said we wouldn’t be able to handle this dog.” Although Steven’sInstagram is replete with photos of other friends’ dogs, evidence of Cooper’s existence has disappeared from the account.
The rescue-dog demand has also been stressful for the overwhelmed (and overwhelmingly volunteer) workforce that keeps the supply chain running. On a recent Saturday, Jason was speeding toward JFK airport in a windowless white van covered in graffiti. Though he was on his way to help rescue dogs, he is the first to admit he’s not the biggest fan of the animals. “I just need something to do,” he says. “I was going crazy sitting around the house.” His friend, who was employed at a rescue, recommended him for an unpaid gig. Prior to the pandemic, he managed an Off Broadway play in the city. The 34-year-old, who is athletically built with a shaved head, has a compulsive need to be coordinating a production, and getting dogs to New York City from a different continent is definitely that.
Many of the city’s rescue dogs come from other parts of the world these days, brought over by volunteers who take them through a complicated Customs process. This is part of what Pet Nation author Mark Cushing calls the “canine freedom train.” A former corporate trial attorney, Cushing had thought that American shelters were filled with dogs with a figurative hatchet outside their kennel; that was until his daughter, a shelter volunteer, said that, in fact, scores of people were lined up around the block every weekend in hopes of adopting a handful of dogs. “I started to talk to shelter leaders across the country,” Cushing says. “And one by one, they said any adoptable dog without a medical issue is gone by noon on Saturday. But the public didn’t know that. Only the dog seekers and the experts did.”
Jason waited in arrivals, ready to stop anyone who walked by with dog crates. When he saw some, he swooped in. It turned out that he had ended up with an extra animal — one that was yowling like it needed to get out and pee. He couldn’t figure out to whom it belonged, and after about 40 minutes of drama in the pickup area, two large men jumped out of a truck with out-of-state plates. They handed Jason $20 before he knew what was happening, loaded the dog into their Silverado, and sped off toward North Carolina. It was unclear if they were adopters themselves or worked for a shelter.
With that out of the way, Jason tried to carefully maneuver a luggage cart full of the remaining dog crates to the lot where he was parked. When one fell, the animal inside didn’t make a sound, presumably zonked from its long journey across the ocean. More volunteers were waiting at the shelter with food, water, and an enormous number of puppy pads when he arrived. After the animals decompressed from their long flight, they would be taken to an adoption event, where they would hopefully meet their new humans.
Emily Wells hasn’t taken a vacation in years. She works full time on Wall Street but is also the coordinator for Pixies & Paws Rescue — a job that she does in between calls and meetings and emails. That means responding to DMs on Instagram about available dogs, attending adoption events on weekends, and getting on the phone with a vet at 10 p.m. because one of her fosters got sick. That also means screening applications, which more than doubled during the height of the pandemic. Typically, she denies about one-third. This part of her job might not be the most physically demanding, but it does take a psychic toll.
“What I’ve found is a lot of people are very entitled,” she says. “They send nasty emails. I’ve been called every name in the book. But there are reasons we deny. We are entrusted with placing a living, breathing thing in someone’s home for the rest of its life.” She wishes people would understand that the rescue is just her and one other person trying their best to deal with off-the-charts levels of demand. “I know rescues that don’t even reply,” she says. “So the fact that we do and still get shit for that is annoying.” And explaining why someone was rejected can create its own problems: What if they use that information to fib on their next application?
Rescues like Wells’s are largely dependent on foster parents to house the dogs they import. Foster-to-adopt is one way that people adopt pets, a means of testing out compatibility and increasing one’s chances of adopting in a hypercompetitive city. But demand for dogs was so high last year that even proven volunteers couldn’t get their hands on a foster. Take Suchita, an animal lover who moved from India to New Jersey for her husband’s VP job with a big bank in 2019. Unable to work owing to visa issues, she became a prolific dog fosterer for a rescue in Queens. She also worked with a program that pairs volunteers with elderly animal owners who need help taking their pets out on walks. That program was suspended during COVID, which left Suchita desperate for more dog time.
Figuring that online volunteer work might fill the void, she started helping another organization wade through its massive backlog of applications by calling references. She offered to foster more dogs but didn’t hear back, nor did her attempts to adopt pan out. When she went ahead and adopted Sasha, a Pomeranian, through another rescue agency, the first organization was not happy. “After I posted Sasha on Instagram, they called me saying it was a conflict of interest to have worked with another agency,” Suchita says. “I was not at all prepared for that. Then they unfollowed me. It really hurt, but no hard feelings.” She is humbly aware of the fact that in New York, there is always someone who has a nicer apartment, a better job, and more experience than you. If everything else is equal, why shouldn’t a shelter try to give a dog to someone who can afford to give it the best life possible?
“They don’t treat humans nicely, but at least they treat dogs nicely,” she says.
In some corners of the rescue world, a reckoning is taking place. Rachael Ziering, the executive director of Muddy Paws Rescue, which found homes for around 1,000 dogs last year, got her start volunteering at other nonprofits whose adoption processes she found abhorrent. She saw, for instance, people look at adoption applications and say, “Oh, that’s a terrible Zip Code. I’m not adopting to them.” Or they would judge people based on their appearance. “I know a lot of groups that will ask for your firstborn along with your application,” she says. “I think it’s well intentioned, but I think it just took a turn at some point. It’s morphed into sort of an unhealthy view that no one’s ever gonna be good enough. Nobody’s ever perfect — the dog or the person.” Muddy Paws is instead embracing what is known as “open adoption,” a philosophy that allows for rescue volunteers to be more open-minded about what a good dog home might look like. It has started gaining traction among groups like the ASPCA in recent years, in part because the organization’s current president was denied a dog — twice. Instead of rejecting applicants outright based on their giving the “wrong” answers, Ziering’s team speaks with hopeful dog owners at length, learning about their lifestyles and histories to match them with the pet best for their family. Still, even a more inclusive philosophy toward profiling adoption applicants comes up against the intractable math: There are only so many dogs that need homes. Though Muddy Paws rejects less than one percent of applicants, some decide to adopt elsewhere if it means getting a dog faster.
Is any of this good for the dogs? Depends on whom you ask. If the intense questions involved in securing the dog cause someone to reflect before making a decision they’ll regret — sure. Others note that the average dog’s life span has hovered around 11 years for decades. “I think it’s probably true that the majority of people who want to adopt a dog should not,” Jessica Pierce, a bioethicist who studies human-animal relationships, tells me. “They don’t have the wherewithal and don’t have what they need to give the animal a good life.” She herself ended up with two pets that didn’t get along at all — a herding mix and a pointer mix whose constant fighting made the idea of hosting a dinner party both perhaps “bloody” and definitely “scary and miserable.” She says shelters shouldn’t “drive away potentially loving and appropriate adopters because they don’t meet predetermined criteria,” but she also sees the importance of a thorough application process that prepares humans for the pitfalls of pet parenthood. “You need to be ready to have a dog who doesn’t like people very much,” says Pierce. When Bella, the 11-year-old she got from the Humane Society, dies, she’s not sure she will get a replacement, noting that the pandemic puppy boom is “driven by a reflection of human narcissism and neurosis.”
“A lot of this is driven by Instagram,” she says. “We have this expectation that dogs are not really dogs; they’re toys or fashion accessories.”
I’m not pushing you, but it seems like you want to bring him home,” the Badass Animal Rescue volunteer said with the controlled energy of a used-car salesperson. Bill and Sherrie, a middle-aged couple who had lost their English bulldog three years ago, were looking for a replacement. The dog with a bright-red boner jumped on Bill, and everyone pretended not to notice. “He definitely has energy,” Bill said brightly. The couple were on the fence, and the volunteer could sense the close slipping away.
Although this organization saw applications rise 200 percent during the pandemic, things are now recalibrating back to normalcy. We are, it seems, witnessing the cooling of the puppy boom. The unbearable loneliness of the pandemic has abated, replaced with anxiety about how to possibly do all the things all of us used to do every day. New Yorkers are being summoned back to the office or planning vacations. Many young professionals are finding that, when given the option between scrolling through rescue websites until 2 a.m. or doing drunken karaoke in a room full of friends, Dog Tinder is losing its appeal. Local shelters are seeing application numbers slip — many say they have returned to pre-COVID levels — which, in turn, has made it slightly more of an adopter’s market.
Bill and Sherrie went to the hallway to talk it over. He was definitely a puller like their old dog, Xena. And he was also a hell of a shedder. The volunteer kept talking about something called a “love match,” but was this really one? “We’re just gonna need a little more time,” Sherrie confessed when they came back inside. No one was making eye contact. As they prepared to leave, the dog jumped up on Bill again, his tongue flopping sideways and his wagging tail spraying white fur. He was clearly not aware that the tenor of the room had shifted. “We might be back,” Bill said with an obvious twinge of guilt. “Don’t worry!”
We will probably look back on the class of pandemic dogs adopted in 2020 as the most desirable unwanted dogs of all time — the ultimate market-scarcity score for a slice of virtuous, privileged New York City. People like Danielle will see them paraded around places like McCarren Park, the living, breathing trophies for self-satisfied owners who made it through the gauntlet. At least for the next 11 years or so.
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2024.05.13 01:09 booknerd381 New Dad Hack: Potty Train Two at a Time

So I've got two under three right now. The older one has been resisting potty training until this past week. We've finally made some progress. It gives me hope that maybe by the time he's four he'll be out of diapers.
The benefit of waiting until his younger brother is mobile, though, is that now the baby is following along and he's interested in doing anything his brother is doing. Today, not only did my toddler poop on the potty, but his 11 month old baby brother had his first pee on the potty, too!
I am looking forward to a day in the not terribly distant future when I can stop paying $100+ per month on diapers.
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2024.05.13 01:06 Shalomarinak My 4 month old is (sort of) potty trained

I just have to write about this because I am shocked at how incredibly well this is working.
For context, elimination communication or EC runs on the idea that all living beings are born with the desire to not eliminate on themselves. The goal being that your child is potty trained by the time they’re walking.
My daughter is 4 months old now and when I was pregnant, I kept hearing about EC. When she was 6 weeks, I decided to take a chance and order a ‘top hat potty’ just to test the waters.
I started by having diaper free time and watching my baby’s cues for when she needed to go. I would use a waterproof pad and make a “cue” sound whenever she peed or poo-ed (different sound for each).
After a few days of this, I started putting her on the potty and I kid you not, this girl pooped as soon as I made the cue. I was honestly in shock that it worked.
Since then, we rarely ever have a poopy diaper. I don’t know if her cues are universal, but just like with anything else, we come to learn what our babies need.
Babies her age still pee every 15 min or so we use diapers as back up, but I can put my daughter over a regular toilet now and she will pee and/or poop every single time. It has genuinely made my life so easier and now we’ve switched to cloth diapers and I don’t ever have to worry about cleaning poop from them.
I lowkey feel like this sounds like an ad but I just had to share how well it’s been going in case anyone else was curious. I don’t think you have to take an all or nothing approach to it either. It’s definitely worth the time and much better than potty training an independent toddler (speaking from my nannying experience).
That’s all but happy to answer any questions :)
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2024.05.12 08:23 Latter_Drummer6936 Does Anybody Else Feel like they Grew up Learning Things Slower than Normal?

Recently I was just thinking about how much of a hard time learning a lot things that seemed quite common, was to me back then.
I couldn't tell Left and Right directions until I started to make a L with both hands, and that happened in like grade 3-4.
It was worse for directions, I swear the concept of North, East, South and West was so complicated for me to understand, that I think it took me until grade 6?
And its only upon I realized I can use the map location to help me understand, for some reason instead of intuitively, which is strange because now I obviously can tell if we're looking on the map, its like Left, Right, Up, Down directions, but that was just something I wasn't able to intuitively process, I had to rely on thinking a location like the West Coast, then realizing what West meant direction wise.
Math was also an area I found myself falling very behind my classmates, Multiplication and Division, especially Division was so alien for me to comprehend then at first so I was really bad in math in elementary and I felt like it made my middle school math experience quite bad as well since I was also behind, and news concepts was just much harder to understand.
Whats funny is that at the same time, I didn't even begin to grasp that grades actually mattered until I gotten into middle school, and it felt kind of crazy suddenly realizing you can get bad grades and it will have academic impacts.
Maybe I just wasn't paying attention, I have to admit I was also quite lazy as well, I had to spend a entire summer just to remember the multiplication tables, and that was like in Grade 7 while all my friends and classmates were able to do it years before.
Looking back at it, I just wasn't sure if I was just bad, or slow at learning, I mean I guess things worked out for me in the end. But it just felt strange how late or weird my process of learning things was, for things that didn't feel like it had to be like that. All my friends and classmates were fine. I know I'm not stupid because I can learn things, but I also feel like the amount of basic things I don't know is quite absurd compared to my classmate and friends.
A funny thing I remembered my parents joking about was that I am growing slower than my peers. They used to tell me I was not very good at balancing and walking as a toddler and preferred to craw around more on my knees (surprisingly I still have a few memories of this), of course it eventually turned out fine, but I cant help but think this kind of slowelater development felt like some sort of repetitive habit, where either by choice or not it takes a lot more effort for me to comprehend things that peers seemed to learn at a normal pace. But at least I'm always somehow able to do just enough to pass, although with outside help needed.
Now that I'm in college, I think it's really makes me feel at a disadvantage, it just feels like that knowledge most kids do know, are blank for me, I'm horrible at Algebra, all that Trigonometry Sin Cos Tan I still don't really know what its really about.
When I was taking Calculus 1 during my first year of college, the concept that had to do more with previous stuff like Algebra, Trigonometry, was areas I was not very good at and made me feel awkward where I had to ask my friends for help about very basic concepts thats pre-calc. However for other less foundation concepts that relied on things I had learned earlier before my current maturity, it's a lot more normal, things like Inverse Functions and Derivatives are fine, but it just feels strange even until now, I still don't know what the Quadratic equation is suppose to be about, I can recognize it but I can't remember it, and my factorization is half-assed at best.
I don't think my brain really is developing slower and lagging behind, but it just feels hard, and taking a lot of effort to coordinate it do things, learn things at a normal pace, at least compared to the other average students. More maybe my personal maturity was in fact developing at a slower pace? The past 2-3 years in terms of mental growth for me was light years ahead, it feels like I can actually intuitively think for myself now.
Anyone experience a similar feeling growing up as well?
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2024.05.12 05:28 Odd_Total_6578 Having trouble balancing everything and feeling like a terrible mom

So just to preface everything, I currently have a 3.5 year old, a 6 month old, and am currently 10 weeks pregnant. I have always been pretty tidy and loved to clean, even being postpartum. Ever since I have been pregnant, I feel like a bus has hit me every day and I am absolutely exhausted. I don’t experience vomiting thankfully but just the nausea and the fatigue is enough to really take a toll on me. I work 3 times a week as well , so at the end of those days I am just pooped. I have been immensely struggling keeping up with the cleaning and with making good dinners as my energy is just not enough and it truly makes me feel horrible. My partner helps me quite a bit, but of course he can only do so much as his job is physically challenging and works 10 hour shifts every day, while waking up at 2 in the morning. Our house is not very big, so a little mess ends up looking like a huge mess and it becomes overwhelming. The dishes pile up multiple times a day in which I always try to get it done once or twice a day. My toddler rampages through her room every day and it looks like a tornado of toys has went through there. I haven’t been able to organize me and my partner’s clothes these past couple weeks. Everything just makes me feel so horrible and I try my best but I honestly feel like a horrible and slacking mom, and just a lazy partner to my husband. This weekend, me and my baby are sick with a fierce cold , so as I write this, the house is a mess and I really have not a single ounce of energy and am exhausted. While Mother’s Day is tomorrow, I feel honestly really undeserving of anything and I just have been feeling like a horrible mom recently.
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2024.05.11 21:54 Such_Number7716 fear of incontinence in public.

I’m a 20 year old women, I have this fear of pooping my pants in public (not a joke) specifically related to the car. I don’t drive but my mom mainly drives me, we live together, with my boyfriend and our toddler. she drives me to go get groceries, shopping etc. This fear is ruining my life. like five times this year no matter how short the drive is I have to ask her to stop because I have to use the washroom and it feels urgent, because of this I have avoided going to my boyfriends family functions out of pure fear. It’s ruining my relationship with my boyfriend, and controlling my life I just want it to stop. I don’t know what to do. This is more of a rant I guess but I just feel so pathetic, useless, and utterly doomed. to add when I get into the car I start sweating, shaking, stomach hurts, and I’m overall just scared the whole entire time waiting to be home again.
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2024.05.11 18:52 No_Wealth_4127 My personal experience/ suppository ruined my sexual development

I posted this on the parenting subreddit where it got deleted since a lot of parents felt personally attacked. It shares my personal experience and my concern for the children who get these dangerous treatments:
Dear Parents, I feel like it is my duty to share my personal experience and how it affected me personally. I know many of you, especially those who had done these things to your children will feel offended or hurt by this but this is the truth of how these things affected me and I think it is important to raise awareness and save as many children as possible from this heinous abuse. My parents did many gruesome things to me as a child but the worst of all was forcefully penetrating me anally. As a child, they would feed me a classic American diet with a lot of white bread and processed meat and they would only feed me when I was hungry. As you can imagine, a toddler doesn’t always ask for food and has to be properly fed. Because of this I wouldn’t poop for days. As far as I remember, I wasn’t even constipated, I had just barely eaten for days. They would then pull my pants down against my will and that disgusting whore of a mother would sit on my legs to restrain me, they would both hold me and insert their fingers inside me against my will and against my wishes. They would push these glycerin suppositories inside me while I was being restrained, the feeling of being opened like that filled me with disgust and dread. And then the worst part came, I had to feel how they were melting inside me against my will, the pain was horrible. It was worse than forced anal sex (which I have also experienced later in life), they would look at me jump through the room in pain and ignore me. Some of the times my mothers even looked pleased, she loved doing it to me. They started doing this to me when I was 1 and a half years old and up until I was about 3 or 4. This experience had a strong impact on my sexual development, it completely messed me up sexually. I had also been sexually assaulted years later but the normal sexual assault wasn’t even comparable to the assault with the suppositories. My own parents ruined my sexual development. It is now impossible to have sexual intercourse without being triggered by it and immediately being reminded of how my parents did that to me. I will forever associate my parents to anal rape. I have been in therapy for many years but it is hard to find a therapist who takes medical rape seriously. I have met many people who had gotten forced enemas or forced suppositories as children and all of them seem to have a sexual trauma from these. I have never met a single one who hasn’t been affected by it, some worse than others. Even though there are so many victims of this abuse who were severely traumatised, there are barely any scientific studies about the long term psychological effects of these procedures. Since it comes to the health of children, I don’t find this acceptable. Parents can’t be properly informed about the dangers of these procedures because nobody is willing to do extensive research. There are other medical procedures known to cause sexual trauma such as VCUG who has been studied to some extent but I wasn’t able to find any decent scientific research on the psychological effects of suppositories and enema. The topic revolves around the bodily and mental development of children, yet doctors prescribe these barbaric procedures even though there is virtually no serious research to the possible detrimental health consequences. You can even get suppositories at the pharmacy without prescription. I know parents are very easily persuaded by doctors and it is very easy to think "I know this feels wrong but if it were harmful, doctors wouldn’t suggest it” - wrong, remember they also suggest VCUG and in the 1970s they used to do surgery on children without anaesthesia. You have to be your child’s greatest advocate and protect them from sexual trauma. Approach these procedures with caution, only if the child’s life is actually in danger, keep in mind, there is no research that suggest these procedures are safe for the mental health of the child but there are a lot of adults who say that they have experienced sexual trauma from these.
Just because they have a short term benefit on a temporary bodily condition, it doesn’t mean they aren’t harmful long term. Your child might also need heart surgery to survive, that wouldn’t make it okay to perform surgery on it without sedation and anal penetration is extremely traumatic to children, maybe just as traumatic as surgery.
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