Former cleaner for assisted living facilities in Buffalo here. These people are paying 1.2k+ and handing over their foodstamps to staff to live in some of the most neglectfully treated buildings I've ever seen. Massive bed bug infestations (roaches and rats too but that's expected in a lot of places anyways). They're not informing their own staff and service works, guests/family of the residents, n only continuing "preventative" treatments in already infested buildings that need a total top to bottom bombing. Additionally I've witnessed them distributing items and furniture from their facilities without informing recipients of their bed bugs. Many of these residents are too mentally ill to care for themselves or advocate for themselves. I've seen old women literally crying cause they're waking up bleeding from bites and the staff continues to lie and say it's handled while doing absolutely nothing. Amherst street and Northland iykyk

i'm gonna try and keep this short, but i hope i get some detailed responses - ones that aren't too harsh because i am very self aware about my flaws, i dont need any more criticism.
I am (18,F) currently in exam season of A-levels, and well, im doing horribly. I reverted to islam about a year ago and its literally the only thing thats keeping me going (im not suicidal but im just so so tired and drained), and even at that i'm doing horribly at.
To put breifly, my discipline, confidence and motivation has depleted completely during these 2 academic years. I have gone through so much, yet nothing at all, because when i put everything into perspective it was me that has let myself down so much. My friends say i have imposter syndrome because of how much i blame myself, but honestly, if i had just sucked up my emotional self and put my head down into my studies without caring about my social life, then maybe i wouldnt be a failure right now. If i set down my priorities straight, maybe i wouldve been ok. But then, when i try to put this in practise when i have a burst of motivation, i just cant do it because i dont have a passion or really like any of my subjects. My teachers were also quite horrible towards me (e.g. one of them told me they didnt care about my mental health), so it just adding onto me being unable to push myself. There's so much else that goes into this but no ones here to read a biography about me. Anyways.
I try to be a good muslim and i understand this isnt easy but damn i am horrible. I try to pray 5 times a day, but sometimes theyre late, sometimes i miss them because im overwhelmed with everything or don't feel worthy enough to pray, sometimes i try to wake up for fajr but just end up falling back asleep, sometimes everything goes amazingly well for 2 weeks and then im back down to being useless. I try to listen to quran, i try to recite, i try to listen to lectures and i try to put all my faith into Allah (swt) but why do i feel so unsincere? I feel selfish when i asked for a good future when im not putting enough work in, i feel selfish relying on Allah (swt) when im lazy, i feel selfish asking for things to get better when i dont deserve for it to get better once i have proved myself to Him that i deserve it.
Now, im hating on myself too much and displaying myself as some next coach potatoe but don't think of me as entirley this way. I do try, believe me, in GCSEs i was the top performing student in my 'requires improving' rated secondary school. My grades were so good that i was able to attend one of the best sixth forms. But so much happened to me these past 2 years like i even went into therapy for a bit and i've completely failed myself and my family. i used to be that little girl hoping to go to an amazing university and now im wondering how i'll be able to even pass my A-levels.
I feel like an absolute failure. In my studies, religion, to my family, to my younger self. I know i can retake but i cant imagine myself going through something as traumatic as this again. I will nevertheless, if i am unable to get into my firm uni.
i sound so dramatic without full context but anyways. What im hoping to get from this is some islamic advice to make myself feel better. Perhaps some verses, hadiths or just in general Dawah (i think thats what its called please correct me if im wrong in using this terminology) to increase my confidence and reliance on Allah and His plan and lessons/teachings, as well as advice on improving myself e.g. finding my passion, increasing my confidence, acceptance - if you can relate it to islam that'd be great.
Sorry this is so long and i hope i have made sense because i've been crying typing this all up. Thank you :)

Yello!
I don't want to clog this subreddit too much, but it's a slow day at work today and this just came to mind, so I hope you don't mind a third post from me today. I'll back off after this, I swear XD. I'm just having a lot of fun.
Crystal grids are an array of crystals that are linked together energetically and then programmed to complete a specific task. I think they are incredibly powerful if you know what you're doing, especially if you're doing them in a space where you are planning to be often.
My key point is this: The more connections you make in your grid, the better. Do not place 12 crystals in a circle and connect them all together, break up the goal of your grid into four different, smaller goals, activate those smaller grids separately, and then connect them together.
I was in school when I was really doing into this, so I will illustrate how I built a "do well in school" grid.
I would use:
-A master crystal, any kind of quartz will do. (I ended up constructing a little rig I can get to later)
-3 Lapis Lazuli
-3 Malachite
-3 Tiger's Eye
-3 Black Tourmaline
-As much quartz as you want.

1. I have two pieces or orgonite, a selenite charging stone, and a little tin, that's filled with thing I'm sentimental about, a piece of moldavite, and usually some sigils in relation to what the grid is about. I plonk a quartz crystal tower on top of all that and this serves and the "hub" of the grid. Most of the energy is centered around here.
   
2. I decide my smaller grids' purposes; Lapis is to help me study and retain knowledge, malachite is to help me maintain my focus without losing control of my emotion, tiger's eye is for confidence in social situation, and black tourmaline is for protection, both safety wise and from bad vibes.
   
3. I found a structure that made sense; two layers of six crystals, alternating between two crystals in each layer. Think four triangles that connect to make a hexagon and a Star of David. Tiger's and Tourmaline would mech together in a protective sense, so they provide structure on the outside, and lapis and malachite would shine once that protection is established, so they go on the inside.
   
4. Using another crystal, or a wand, or your finger, connect the lapis crystals together and to the master crystal, making sure each one is connected to the master. Then, put your energy into the master while saying that this grid is programmed to help you study. Do this with the other three grids.
   
5. Then, do the same with the two layers separately. Connect the lapis and malachite together into one grid in the same way, and imbue that grid with bringing mental and emotional clarity to you. Do the same with the outer grid.
   
6. Then, do the same with every crystal, and imbue that grid with the intention to do well in school.
   
7. Quartz takes on the energy of the crystals it interacts with, so that center quartz is now functionally an amalgam of lapis lazuli, malachite, tiger's eye, and black tourmaline. I like to take all the quartz I have and just place it around the grid, maybe connect it to the master directly. That way, they're giving their energy to the grid as well.
   

If you count, that's seven energetic grids working for you, with some energy boosters in the mix as well!
Alright, now it's time to take a break XD

15 years ago I became severely ill with neurological issues (including seizures and being unable to walk without assistance). Neuro and PCP couldn't figure it out, so they kept sending me to psych. Psych would send me back to PCP saying I'm cleared from a MH standpoint, and round and round we went for 1.5 years. Eventually the psych doc offered me a generalized diagnosis so I could move forward with a med board. I wanted to get on with my life and seek my own private healthcare, so I accepted this as I felt I had no other option. VA rated me 70% for this psych diagnosis because I'm unable to work and many days unable to care for myself.
Years later, I now have a proper diagnosis of a rare neuromuscular disorder that was triggered by a medication reaction while AD. What's sick is that there is evidence of this rare disorder in my records while AD, but it was ignored. My condition can be life-threatening in various ways and I am still unable to properly hold a job or pursue an education. Without a doubt, I should be eligible for 100%, but I'm unsure how to go about filing a claim when a misdiagnosis from a mental health diagnosis to a physical diagnosis is involved. If I go to a VA psych exam, I'm concerned they'll clear me and I'll lose my 70% - which I cannot afford to risk.
Do I just shut up and accept the shitty hand I've been dealt, or is there a way I can pursue receiving compensation for my actual diagnosed condition without risking that 70%? Would a supplemental claim be involved?

The Impact of Screen Time and Internet Use on Children’s Health

In the digital age, children are increasingly exposed to screens and the internet. While technology offers educational and entertainment opportunities, excessive use can lead to various health concerns. This article explores the physical, psychological, and social impacts of screen time and internet use on children, supported by recent research and expert opinions.

Physical Health Effects

1. Vision Problems: Prolonged screen time can cause digital eye strain, characterized by symptoms such as dryness, irritation, and blurred vision. The American Optometric Association highlights that children may not recognize these issues, leading to untreated vision problems .
2. Sleep Disturbances: Exposure to blue light from screens interferes with the production of melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep. Studies show that children who use screens before bedtime have a harder time falling asleep and experience poorer sleep quality . The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends shutting off devices at least one hour before bedtime .
3. Obesity: High screen time is associated with sedentary behavior, contributing to obesity in children. A study published in the International Journal of Obesity found a significant correlation between screen time and increased body mass index (BMI) in children . The sedentary lifestyle also limits physical activity, essential for maintaining a healthy weight.

Psychological Effects

1. Attention Problems: Excessive screen time, particularly in the form of fast-paced and interactive media, can impair attention spans in children. Research from the University of Alberta found that children with higher screen time had a greater likelihood of developing attention problems .
2. Behavioral Issues: There is evidence linking high screen time with behavioral problems, including increased aggression and emotional instability. The Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics reported that children with more than two hours of screen time per day were more likely to exhibit symptoms of ADHD and other behavioral disorders .
3. Mental Health Concerns: Social media and internet use can contribute to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem in children. The Royal Society for Public Health (RSPH) indicates that platforms like Instagram and Snapchat can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and anxiety .

Social Effects

1. Social Skills Development: Excessive internet use can impair face-to-face social interactions, crucial for developing empathy and communication skills. A study in the journal Computers in Human Behavior found that children who spent more time on screens had poorer social skills compared to their peers who engaged more in direct interactions .
2. Cyberbullying: The internet exposes children to the risk of cyberbullying, which can have severe psychological impacts. According to a report by the Cyberbullying Research Center, about 34% of students have experienced cyberbullying, leading to increased rates of depression and anxiety among victims .
3. Academic Performance: While educational content on the internet can be beneficial, excessive recreational screen time can negatively impact academic performance. The AAP suggests that screen time should be balanced with other activities to ensure it does not interfere with homework and study time .

Recommendations for Parents and Guardians

To mitigate the negative effects of screen time and internet use, the following guidelines are recommended:

1. Set Time Limits: The AAP suggests limiting screen time to one hour per day for children aged 2 to 5 years and ensuring it does not interfere with sleep, physical activity, and other behaviors essential to health.
2. Encourage Physical Activity: Ensure children engage in at least 60 minutes of physical activity daily.
3. Promote Healthy Screen Habits: Encourage breaks during screen use to reduce eye strain and ensure devices are turned off at least one hour before bedtime.
4. Monitor Content: Be aware of what children are accessing online and use parental controls if necessary.
5. Foster Offline Activities: Encourage hobbies and activities that do not involve screens to balance their lifestyle.

Conclusion

While screens and the internet are integral to modern life, it is crucial to manage their use to protect children’s physical, psychological, and social health. By setting appropriate limits and encouraging a balanced lifestyle, parents and guardians can help mitigate the adverse effects and promote a healthier digital environment for children.
Sources:

1. American Optometric Association. "Computer Vision Syndrome."
2. Sleep Foundation. "How Blue Light Affects Sleep."
3. American Academy of Pediatrics. "Children and Media Tips from the AAP."
4. International Journal of Obesity. "Screen Time and Obesity."
5. University of Alberta. "Impact of Screen Time on Attention."
6. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics. "Behavioral Issues Linked to Screen Time."
7. Royal Society for Public Health. "Social Media and Mental Health."
8. Computers in Human Behavior. "Screen Time and Social Skills."
9. Cyberbullying Research Center. "Cyberbullying Facts."
10. American Academy of Pediatrics. "Media Use Guidelines for Children."

Since I was about 17 I’ve been treated for depression. I often describe it as episodic in that I wall fall into episodes of deep depression but I can also be really affected by life. For example atm I’m unemployed again, 27, single, never dated, overweight, barely surviving financially, stuck living with my Mum and general just feeling down on my luck.
I do try and fight my depression. I take my meds, I’m under a long term mental health team, I walk my dog everyday, I run 3 times a week, I’m applying for 3 jobs every weekday, writing 5 times a day, sleeping 8+ hours a night, keeping a routine etc. Basically doing most things I feel like I should. Yet I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle due to just life being shit.
I know some of these things just need me to fucking suck it up and do better but I feel like I’ve spent all my 20s being fighting mental illness and I’m tired. I’m kind of sick of being told it will get better or it’s ok to not be ok or whatever when it just feels like the universe keeps kicking me whilst I’m down. I need actual advice that will help me because honestly I can’t think of a single thing to look forward to in the future and I just feel hopeless.
Can anyone throw some advice my way?

Sorry to get this out so late. Bernie has been experiencing side effects from her radiation treatments. Please keep her in your thoughts.
Hope all is well, Ladies!
Heidi, so glad everything worked out. I hope your call with Guy provided you with some new perspectives. And Lita, exciting things ahead!!!
One more quote to highlight from this section of Ikeda Sensei's lecture that we have been studying this week:

In terms of our own practice, the hardships mentioned here refer not only to persecution and harassment by the authorities, but to the ignorant criticism we may encounter as we work to spread the Mystic Law.

We've all talked about sgiwhistleblowers (WB) and I recommend that everyone read it from time to time. Let's prepare ourselves, Ladies! It's a case study of "the ignorant criticism we may encounter as we work to spread the Mystic Law."
The prime mover behind this site is a "BlancheFromage" who now operates a set of other accounts since she was permanently banned from Reddit. She doesn't believe I exist but nevertheless has spent many an hour denigrating me personally on WB, mocking my sexuality and family lifestyle, my history with mental illness, tracking me down to NSFW Reddit sites that I visit (sorry to admit, Ladies, I am no saint), and even my past work with RV campers such as Heidi. When she feels the risk of crossing boundaries and getting herself banned from Reddit again, I guess, she drops links to her WordPress site where she supplies her readers with more dirt on me (and some of you).
But do you know the one thing she hasn't engaged with? This is #85 in our "Good Morning Ladies" series of posts. Most of them have two or more sub-entries (i.e., this is #85D). So let's estimate we are at about 200 posts here. All of them are flaired with "I read it in the World Tribune." They are all rich in content from our publications. Surely, this is what SGI members read and use to understand our movement.
But Blanche dares not engage here at this level of ideas. She would rather have her followers believe that what she says are the core beliefs of the SGI are the core beliefs and not all of the guidances we all read in publications and hear at meetings. So she cowardly hides with the dust mites. Rather than engaging in the plane of ideas, it's so much easier to mock me as "u/JulieProngRider" and as u/Marilynnnn's sockpuppet (I keep telling her we are all u/Andinio's sockpuppets but she ignores that).
A couple of years ago Guy and I critiqued one--that's right, I said one--of Blanche's posts. It took us [18 posts]()--that's right, 18 rebuttals--to clarify and clean out her junk and trash. Did she engage and respond to any of our posts in detail? She actually did once--only to say I'm a sockpuppet so she doesn't have to respond. A very flimsy excuse, Ladies, to avoid engaging in the field of ideas.
So, Ladies, this battle of words will continue for the rest of our lives. Roll up your sleeves, put on your mascara and lipstick. Why?? It is in the Gosho and it is a proud feature of SGI history.
Thank you, Sensei, for opening the way! We got this!

I really just need to talk about my present situation; I just turned 26, and my soon-to-be ex-husband and I met four years ago while active duty in the military, and I recently chose to end our relationship. I own a home and will be putting it on the market next week, essentially starting again in my life, because my only alternative is to move back in with my parents, which feels like a tremendous step down.
I am particularly interested in mental health and self-healing, as well as generational trauma. My "husband" is absolutely not and can be rather sexist at times. He believes he has no faults, & due to a lack of empathy and communication in our relationship, I felt like a mother to a man child rather than an equal.
His main goal is to become the next big millionaire, constantly seeking for the next best business idea since he feels that individuals who shop at the Dollar General are losers and that working a traditional 9-5 job makes you a "slave" to the government. These last four years have been difficult because he has pursued multiple business ideas without informing me of any of them, some of which required him to take out random loans as "collateral" so that if anything happened to him, it would all fall on me, and 99% of the time he does not even talk to me about his business and financial activities.
I'm assuming he only wanted me in his life as a "asset"; our relationship was wonderful only when I cooked, cleaned, and kept my mouth shut as if we were living in the 1950s. When I started talking about some of the things he does/did that I didn’t necessarily agree with, he would/will turn it all around on me, insulting me and honestly telling me that I will never succeed in life.
I can't help but be sad about this situation; we still live together, so his moods have been really up and down with me; one second he is loving and caring, and the next he is back to trying to bring me down, saying I'll be alone for the rest of my life because I'm just a "mentally ill typical female" and that asking for reassurance and communication in a relationship will be the downfall of the next person I'm with, and he can't wait to watch me suffer as a result.
I know I'm making the right decision by ending this relationship, but there's still a part of me that believes what he says and has been telling me for the past few years. I'm feeling quite alone and disappointed right now, and I know that when I return to my parents home in a few days, everything will hit me harder and have a stronger psychological impact. I have had suicidal thoughts in the past because life is stressful, and I do not want to go down that route again.
I also feel like I'm a shell of the person I used to be, and I really need any inspirational words or stories about how everything will eventually work out and things will get better.

Her believing she was the Slayer in Los Angeles lead to her burning down the auditorium. Buffy was suspected of doing it, but it couldn’t be proven, and the extreme difference in how her parents wanted to approach the situation caused arguments that lead to their separation. her father stayed in Los Angeles, working harder to pay for the things they could prove she destroyed.
Joyce moves to Sunnydale w/ Buffy after her separation from Buffy’s father, and all her friends are real, and all the villains are real, but not supernatural. The Master was just the owner of the Bronze. Darla was his daughter who Liam (Angel) had a on again off again relationship with. Amy was just a girl w/ a stage mom. The pack was just a group of popular kids Xander tried to join. When Buffy 1st introduces Angel to her mother she says he’s her tutor. What if he actually was a assistant teache her tutor. The episode Nightmares was just Buffy being nervous about seeing her dad again for the 1st time after the move, and everything that happened after the gym burnt down. School hard is Liam’s (Angel) married friends (William and Drucilla) coming to town, and him having less time to tutor her. Inca mummy girl was just Xander dating a foreign exchange student. The episode Ted in season 2 was Buffy’s mom trying to date again, and she does attack him, and that’s him Joyce realizes there might be something really wrong w/ Buffy. Innocence was Buffy finding out that Liam (Angel) was having a affair w/ his friend’s wife Drucilla, and being jealous, because she had a crush on him.
Everything in season is based on something that actually happened, but season 3 is her already in the mental institution. Faith is a girl who’s also in the mental institution.

I was told as a young adult with a mental illness, I would have the best opportunity if I learned to assimilate with the general community. (Not revealing my mental illness to anyone but my closest friends. Never my employer.)
I was invited to crazynicepeople subreddit whose discord is highly selective (a requirement is having a mental illness)
Having friends from all areas/walks of life is a good thing. Having only mentally ill friends can be a negative.
The internet can draw people together but can also draw people together too close. If someone with ADHD only learns how to communicate with those with ADHD, how can they communicate to a customecoworker in an actual professional job?
I explained this to that discord and then I left the subreddit.

So, I'm not entirely sure what my goal is with this post. One thing I know for certain is that it will be very long, and probably sort of jumbled and frantic, more stream of consciousness than anything. I guess I just sort of wanted to share some of the important realizations I've had in recent months, and see if: 1. Other people think that they're fair or "correct" realizations, and I'm not becoming, like, delusional or something. 2. Maybe my sharing these perspectives will help or inspire someone else who has struggled in ways similar to me.
So, here's the basic background of things. I've always been a really reserved and quiet person, ever since I was a little kid. Add in being skinny and nerdy for most of my life, and maxing out at a height of 5'9", and I'm not exactly a hot product for the average girl my age (19, turning 20 in a few weeks). In fact, I'd never had a relationship until this past year in college, but I'll get more into that in a minute. Hell, I hadn't had so much as a first kiss until this past year, either.
And, at the beginning of this past school year, being my second year of college (as a commuter student, so socializing is pretty difficult), I began to really get down on myself for having never been in a relationship, never kissed a girl, being a virgin, etc. It started to really take a toll on my mental health, because I believed that there was something intrinsically wrong and unlovable about me. Whereas a lot of young men who struggle socially romantically seem to be directing their sadness, frustration, and anger outward toward the world, especially toward women, I instead found myself directing those feeling toward myself. I was convinced that, on a basic level, there was some vital component to who I am as a person that disqualifies me from being worthy of love or affection. After all, that's what 19 years of evidence suggest, right?
Looking back, I think a large component in this was how I had been struggling, and still struggle to a degree, with my identity as a young man. I'm naturally a pretty progressive person, and I make an effort to be open to the perspectives of other groups and listen to their stories. Unfortunately, as we all know, a lot of people have been harmed by the men in their lives. And I know, I know: if I'm not doing anything wrong myself, then I shouldn't take any of these stories personally.But I guess, given the poor mental state that I was already in, I took it as validation that there was in fact something intrinsically wrong about me, and that thing was being a man. I started to avoid people on the street, especially if they were a woman or presented as feminine. At work, I avoid going anywhere near female customers, out of fear of making them uncomfortable. I'd keep my head down walking from class to class on campus, worried that I might make someone uneasy with my gaze. It wasn't that I thought I was a threat; in fact, I knew that I was not. But I also knew that the people around me didn't know that. In their eyes, maybe they have to assume that I'm a creep or that I'm a dangerous type of man. And it hurt to realize that, and I realize now, like I said, that I took it as validation that there was something intrinsically wrong with me.
Due to that, as well as other factors, such as stress and exhaustion from overworking (I'm a full-time student and work about 30 hours a week, which is a lot for me, might not be for others, I admit), I experienced some of the worst periods of depression I've ever had, since being diagnosed with it and anxiety in 2021. I tried going to therapy. I went to a few sessions, then gradually started missing more and more due to a lack of time, until my therapist cancelled all of our scheduled future sessions. It was on me. I wasn't committed.
I lost my passion for my hobbies and interests, like creative writing, which had previously been an important emotional outlet for me. A lot of nights would be spent lying in bed, listening to a playlist filled with sad music and hugging a pillow, wishing it was someone who loved me in the way that I thought, or hoped, love would work.
At the behest of my friends, to whom I only presented my issues as being a little down about never having been in a relationship, I started messing around with dating apps. At first, I felt good about making some sort of effort to put myself out there. Like I said, I've always been insanely reserved, so doing something like making a dating profile felt like an accomplishment. Of course, nothing much came of it. Over the five or so months that I was on the app, I maxed out at about six likes on my profile, and only matched with two people.
But one of those two people was a girl who went to the same college as me, and we seemed to have a lot of interests in common. And I mean a lot. To the point that it was almost comical. Of course, I realize now that having some hobbies in common isn't enough to form a good relationship with someone, but I realize now that I was just desperate for someone who I could convince myself halfway-tolerated me. She and I started to go out, and after a while, we decided to make things "official." My first kiss. My first relationship. My first girlfriend.
It lasted for only a few months. After a while, something felt off. I wasn't as excited to see her as I had been before. It was hard for us to make time for each other, between my working and her being involved in extracurricular stuff around campus. Car rides and dates began to be filled with longer and more frequent stretches of awkward silence, as I tried to think of something to say or talk about, only to come up empty-handed. As we got to know each other better, I realized that we didn't have as much in common as I first thought. She was a little more conservative, not necessarily in a political sense, but more in terms of "status", if that makes sense. I learned that financial success was very important to her parents, and I could tell that it was important to her, too. She avoided telling her parents that I was an English major, instead opting to tell them that I was getting a degree in computer science, as that was my minor at the time. It seemed to me that the status of a relationship was more important to her than the quality of the relationship (pot calling the kettle black, yes, I realize). For example, there was a dance on campus that she wanted to go to, pretty much just to take pictures of the two of us together so she could show them to friends and family. But as for the dance itself, it was more of the same that had been happening before: awkward silence, short conversations, lots of looking around at anything other than each other.
After a while, I decided that, for both of our sakes, I needed to break things off. I didn't want to waste her time when I knew that my heart wasn't in it anymore. So, at the beginning of April, I drove over to her dorm, and we talked it over in my car for a while. At the end, we hugged one last time, and I haven't seen her since.
I think a key component in the decision I made is the fact that I reconnected with some old friends from high school, who are still local, even though they are going to another university. Over Christmas break, I hung out with them for the first time since the pandemic as, during that time, I ended up having a falling out with them over some dumb high school drama and political differences. To my surprise, they had changed a lot, and had managed to pull themselves out of the incel trajectory that I had seen them beginning to fall down during high school. They were kinder, more accepting people. My surprise was matched only by my pride in them. I had feared and assumed the worst of them, and I couldn't have been happier to be proven wrong. Since then, I've been invited back into their group chats, and I see them in-person with some regularity, when our schedules allow it.
I think having that connection made me feel more comfortable with the idea of being single again, and since the break up, I've been able to rely on them for support, laughs, and just feeling like I have somewhere I belong. Before, I found myself desperate for any kind of connection and fell into a cycle of denying myself that connection because I was convinced that, since it didn't just present itself, I wasn't worthy of it.
And maybe it has something to do with that, but on the drive home from my now-ex's dorm (though I still wonder if I should/could really call her an ex. Sure, we agreed to make things "official", but we still only dated for a few months), I felt my perspective on, well, at the risk of sounding over-dramatic or overly romantic, everything, being to change.
And I guess that's what the title of this post is about. The things I've begun to realize in the time leading up to and following that break-up.
Above all else, I've realized the importance of connection. If I didn't have a stable friend group again, I don't know where I'd be. Probably still in a stale relationship, clinging on and trying to convince myself that I'm not feeling the way that I'm feeling. I have people to talk with again, to confide in when I feel stressed or depressed. I go out and do things again, which I didn't realize I hadn't really done very much since the pandemic.
But I know that for a lot of people who are/were in the position I had been in, finding friends is difficult. If it weren't for my unique circumstances of being reunited with an old, estranged group of friends, I would absolutely be in the same position. I still really struggle with social anxiety, and talking to new people is a huge struggle for me. So, I've also had some realizations that don't have as much to do with the friendship side of things, and I hope that these can be of some use to people who also struggle with social anxiety.
I know that the idea of "working on yourself" is cliche and overused, so I won't frame it exactly like that. In my opinion, saying it like that makes it sound too daunting and tedious, and having been in those dark, dark places myself, I know that it was the last thing I wanted to hear. So, instead, I like to think of it this way. It's more like living in spite of your circumstances. Over the course of this past year, I essentially shut my life down, because I was so convinced that there was no point, because I felt that I knew that I would never be loved or accepted. Now, I feel an urge to go on living for myself, almost in direct spite of the fear that I may be forever alone. It's a fear that I still deal with, and who knows, maybe things will end up that way.
And, I suppose, that leads into my main realization, which is sort of an extension/restatement of the last one, now that I think about it. I now feel the desire to accumulate enough in my life, to reach a point where I am satisfied enough, that I can rest knowing that I will be okay, with or without a relationship. Before, my self-worth was almost entirely attached to my relationship status, and my lack of romantic experience. Now, I realize that a relationship can only come when I don't need it, or at least don't feel that I need it. Being a huge nerd and a writer, I think a lot about quotes from books, shows, movies, and games that have stuck with and there's one from God of War: Ragnarok that comes to mind here (by the way, I actually highly recommend playing or watching a playthrough of God of War 2018 and Ragnarok if you've struggled with masculinity in the same way I have, the music and cutscenes from those games have actually helped to pull me out of some mental spirals about my self-worth and identity as a man). It comes from a scene in which Kratos confronts his younger self, and is trying to decide if he is willing/ready to be a god again:
"Should I lose everything and everyone, will there still be enough left inside so that I do not become you? I do not know. But I have hope."
It's a quote that resonates with me now more than ever (even though it's from a DLC that just came out around Christmas, lol). I know now that I want to get to a place where there is enough left inside me that I know I'll never fall into that dark mental state again.
Something else that I've noticed has happened is the return of my passions for my hobbies and interests, especially for writing. I don't want to sound too arrogant, but I think I've begun to realize an important goal for my writing. If I'm lucky enough, I want to be able to write and release stories that explore masculinity and isolation, and, if I can, I want to create stories that can help guide other young men and boys who have struggled in the way I have and continue to do. I want to create characters who serve as positive male role models, who are emotionally strong, intelligent, and kind. I want to write stories of personal redemption, and show that no one is truly ever too far gone to be able to recover. If my writing could help even just one person who is struggling, then I would consider my career to be a success.
At the risk of being too cheesy, I'd like to end this very long-winded post with another quote, this one from a YouTube channel I recently discovered, and one I would highly recommend to just about anyone: Cinema Therapy. It's from their video about "A Silent Voice", which also happens to be one of my favorite movies, and one of my main inspirations when it comes to the kinds of stories I want to tell.
"Depression doesn't go away, doesn't lift for most people. But there's a capacity to feel again. There's a capacity to feel joy. The cure for so many things is connection. And we may think 'no one want to connect with me.' But we just need to find the right people."
I think the only thing I would add to that is that, in my opinion, the connection can also be with yourself.

For me, I'm in my early 50s and feel like I'm operating at 90% adulting efficiency. I typically have things held together pretty well, though now and then I'll have trouble with all my "must do" or "should do" tasks. Like, I'll fall off on exercise or cooking healthy or whatever, but I'm generally good at keeping up with all that and bills, work, social life, mental health, cleaning house and clothes, personal hygiene, etc, etc.
It's really taken me decades to get to this point. I think when I started out I though I was operating at 20% adulting efficiency. Things were pretty chaotic in my life and lots of things just weren't getting done.
I've been steadily improving at adulting over the years. How about you?

I'm really, really afraid. I'm almost 43 and my life has hit a brick wall. Really hard. I was hospitalised in November and December for anxiety and depression following a suicide attempt (overdose). I did almost 4 weeks in a psychiatric ward in Chesterfield, but it was awful. Very traumatic. I'm at home now with my parents who don't really understand mental illness. I think it's a generational thing? I take Pregabalin, Quetiapine and Venlafaxine and I can't sleep at night. I use Zolpidem and sometimes I still can't sleep. I feel like I'm going to die really soon and I used to be so well. I was a productive member of society with a half decent job. I loved my nephews and niece and they really loved me back. It meant so much to me. I was happy. I don't know where this came from. My body shakes uncontrollably and I have ringing in my ears all the time. I can't stop crying. I have a CPN and a consultant psychiatrist who say that it's just anxiety. So does the GP. My CPN is having a hysterectomy and I won't see her for 8 weeks now. It feels like the NHS is broken and I don't know where to turn.
I feel so lonely. When I was in hospital I clung to other incredibly ill people like a ghost. They didn't want that. I'm so frightened. Please don't say anything to scare me because I'm already terrified. I've lost some really good friends over the last year because I've changed so much and I've added to their problems in ways that they can't quantify. I've made them feel ill and worried. I feel so guilty. I didn't want that.
Please talk to me. I'm a good person and I've done good things in my life. I don't want to lose people and push them away. I don't want to be alone. I hate upsetting other people. I just want to connect and have friends. I think medication is consuming me. I don't know if I should post this. I've never posted on here before but I think I'm going to die if I don't.

hi friends! i've been having a very weird time lately -- i'm starting to think i'm having issues with my cortisol levels, but i wanted to see if anyone had any similar experiences and how it all played out. first, let me say that i'm trying to get a doctor's appointment to have my levels tested. i've been trying to do this for a few years but something or other always gets in the way (like stupid doctors who agree to do something and then fail to tell me they can't), and now i'm waiting on a new-patient appointment that's about two months out, so in the meantime i'm trying to piece it together on my own. it's surprisingly difficult to learn about cortisol dysregulation outside of standard stress!
starting with the symptoms -- i've been waking up feeling absolutely atrocious. i've never been a morning person, but a normal amount of sleep still leaves me exhausted and i've been waking up feeling even more nauseous than usual and with this shaky/weak feeling all through my body. it makes it very difficult to physically get up because my body feels too weak to move around that much, and even though i'm not physically shaking it feels like i'm trembling internally. my prime symptom with POTS is GI issues, but i generally don't get diarrhea. right now i'm going on day 3 of it, which is highly unusual for me. at first i thought it was something i consumed but, again, it's been 3 days, so it really should've passed. i don't know if this is related, but i also have wickedly dry eyes. this has been an ongoing issue for a while, but these days i can't keep my eyes open when i first wake up unless i use eyedrops. opening my eyes also makes all of my symptoms (especially the nausea) worse, even in low light.
i've been doing some reading on issues with cortisol levels, and so far it seems to track. all of this is something that comes and goes (except the diarrhea lol that's new), but it usually isn't consistent. like i'll wake up fine one day, feel like shit the next, and then be fine the next day, and i don't really think it's been this bad before. i also noticed that my base level stress picked up a few weeks ago, but not for any particular reason? i met a friend in person for the first time and had them stay for a few days, and for some reason i was on edge the entire time, and it seems like i haven't been able to shake it since despite ample rest and relaxation in the meantime. i'm stressed about a work project now, but it's not really anything new. even when i'm lying down doing nothing i feel like something inside me is stressed out, but it's different than the usual mental anxiety.
all of this is just super weird! i'm really tired (pun not intended) of having such a difficult time waking up in the mornings, and it's starting to get in the way of work since i'm waking up later and later. i feel great at night, though. i've been staying up too late, but that's mostly because i actually feel fine and can get more done, and i'm usually not even tired until like 2 am. i've also hit pause on the coffee (i say as i take a sip of coffee) and have instead been drinking black or green tea when i'm desperate for energy. this is my first cup of coffee in a few days, but i only drink half-caf. has anyone had an experience like this? did you ever get answers or solutions? i really don't want to have to just deal until i can get in to see this new doctor in july.
tia!! x

I've been on the hunt for a new bike. My priorities are decent handling and comfort level for me and a passenger. I'm not interested in sport bikes and have been leaning towards a cruiser or modern classic like Triumph. Surprisingly, some people have said i might like an adventure style bike because they're so comfortable. I've found this really hard to believe. Can an adventure bike really be more comfortable than a cruiser? I'll be doing mostly casual country road drives. Probably no longer than a couple hours at a time.

Saint Theodore was called “Sanctified” because he had purified his heart of its passions and made his body a worthy temple of the Holy Spirit, so that he was the first in his monastery to be ordained to the priesthood.*
Saint Theodore came from Egypt and was the son of wealthy and noble Christian parents. The yearning for monastic life appeared early in him. Once there was a large party at the house of his parents during the feast of Theophany. The boy did not want to take part in the festivities, grieving that because of earthly joys he might be deprived of joys in the life to come. He secretly left home when he was fourteen and entered one of the monasteries in the diocese of Sne, near the modern town of Esna, Egypt. A brother from Theodores’ monastery stayed with Abba Pachomios in Tabennisi while traveling and preached of the virtues of the cenobium upon his return to Sne.
Hearing about Pachomios the Great, he burned with the desire to see the ascetic. Although initially denied passage to Tabennese by a Pachomian monk due to his wealthy background, Theodore opted to follow the visiting monk, and his persistence (and lack of obedience) paid off. He was welcomed by Pachomios upon his arrival, having been informed by God beforehand about his coming, and quickly integrated into the community at Tabennisi around 328. Remaining at the monastery, Saint Theodore quickly succeeded in all his monastic tasks, particularly in his complete obedience to his spiritual father, and in his compassion towards the other brethren. Theodore’s mother, learning that he was at the Tabennisi monastery, came to Saint Pachomios with a letter from the bishop, asking to see her son. Saint Theodore did not wish to break his vow to renounce the world, so he refused to meet with his mother. Seeing a convent not far away which was under the spiritual direction of Pachomios' sister, she entered the convent and was tonsured a nun. After a period of time Paphnutios, Theodore's brother, also came to the monastery and was tonsured a monk.
Seeing Theodore’s strength of mind and ability, Pachomios once told him to instruct the brethren on Holy Scripture. Saint Theodore was then only twenty years old. He obeyed and began to speak, but some of the older brethren took offense that a new monk should teach them, and they departed. Pachomios said to them, “You have given in to the devil and because of your conceit, your efforts will come to naught. You have not rejected Theodore, but rather the word of God, and have deprived yourselves of the Holy Spirit.”
Pachomius appointed Saint Theodore as overseer of the Tabennisi monastery, and withdrew to the more solitary Monastery of Phbow (several new monasteries had been built by this time). However, Pachomios recalled him from the position after witnessing several monks under Theodores’ watch violating the monastic rules without reprimand. Having failed to prove his governing ability and once more in a position no higher than when he had entered the monastery, Theodore became a personal assistant to Pachomios and remained relatively quiet for some years. Despite his clear potential and popularity, Pachomios refused to grant Theodore any kind of authority; though the old man's failing health soon changed things forever.
When Theodore the Sanctified was in Panopolis with Saint Pachomios, his spiritual father, a philosopher came to him and offered to debate with him about the Christian faith. The philosopher then posed these three questions to Theodore: "Who was not born, but died?" "Who was born and did not die?" "Who died and did not decay?" To these questions, Theodore replied: "Adam was not born and died. Enoch was born and did not die. Lot's wife died and did not decay." And the Saint added this advice to the philosopher: "Heed our sound advice; depart from these useless questions and scholastic syllogisms; draw near to Christ Whom we are serving and you will receive forgiveness of sins."
After Theodore had been assisting Pachomios at Tabennisi for several years following his demotion, Pachomios became very ill and seemed to be on the verge of death. Pachomios had not named a successor, and several brothers pleaded with Theodore to assert himself as head of the cenobium when the sickly man died. Despite the assertion that Theodore apparently did not want the rank of a father, he consented. Unfortunately for the would-be leader, Pachomios recovered, and upon hearing of Theodore’ decision, exiled the ambitious young man. After living a life of constant weeping and prayer in solitude, Pachomios forgave Theodore and allowed him to live among the brothers once more. Normalcy returned, though never again would Pachomios fully trust his former protégé.
In 348 Saint Pachomios died, naming the monk Petronios as his successor rather than the clearly qualified Theodore. The death of Petronios later that year would leave Apa Horsiesios (Orsisius) in charge, and the popular Theodore would retreat to the distant Monastery of Phnoum. Although it seems Theodore practiced complete submission to the new leader of the cenobium, problems soon arose in several Pachomian monasteries that viewed Horsiesios as a weak leader. Refusing to work or communicate and demanding a new leader, many of the elder monks completely abandoned any notion of obedience to Horsiesios. The federation of monasteries was falling apart, and Theodore rushed to Tabennisi to placate the rebels. Soon after his arrival, Theodore was the new de facto leader, though he claimed to be only acting on behalf of Horsiesios. For eighteen years Theodore administered from Pachomios’ old headquarters in Phbow, using techniques far more assertive than his predecessors, such as constantly shuffling the offices and locations of the most ambitious monks. Yet in spite of this somewhat unstable shifting, he oversaw the Thebaid monasteries peacefully for nearly two decades, at which point Theodore predicted he would soon die. Within a few months his prediction came true, and Apa Horsiesios once more took his place as the head of the communities in both title and authority.
Saint Theodore the Sanctified was famed for his sanctity of life, and the great gifts of wonderworking and prophecy (many of his miracles and prophecies are recorded in the Letter of Ammon), and he was well known to Saint Athanasius, Patriarch of Alexandria, who heaped praises on Theodore after his passing. Saint Theodore reposed in his old age in the year 368.
Source

I'm in the mood to blow up my life. I'm so stressed and irritated, partially because my mental health is so badly in the toilet anyway and probably partially because I'm only having 1 drink a day on weeknights now and I hate it. I hate everybody and everything at work this week - I want to rage quit and just drink and rot in my disgusting apartment for as long as my savings last. I'm such a hot garbage mess and just stopping drinking isn't going to fix the fact that I'm broken...I'll be a hot garbage mess without even the ability to have a goddamn drink. Therapy doesn't help and even when I look, no therapists in this goddamn city want to just take insurance, they all want me to pay out of pocket. And meanwhile everyone can tell that I'm about to lose my fucking mind and it's so embarrassing. I do not have any desire to put in work on myself. I just want to escape my life and myself and be done with everybody and their bullshit.

Saint Theodore was called “Sanctified” because he had purified his heart of its passions and made his body a worthy temple of the Holy Spirit, so that he was the first in his monastery to be ordained to the priesthood.*
Saint Theodore came from Egypt and was the son of wealthy and noble Christian parents. The yearning for monastic life appeared early in him. Once there was a large party at the house of his parents during the feast of Theophany. The boy did not want to take part in the festivities, grieving that because of earthly joys he might be deprived of joys in the life to come. He secretly left home when he was fourteen and entered one of the monasteries in the diocese of Sne, near the modern town of Esna, Egypt. A brother from Theodores’ monastery stayed with Abba Pachomios in Tabennisi while traveling and preached of the virtues of the cenobium upon his return to Sne.
Hearing about Pachomios the Great, he burned with the desire to see the ascetic. Although initially denied passage to Tabennese by a Pachomian monk due to his wealthy background, Theodore opted to follow the visiting monk, and his persistence (and lack of obedience) paid off. He was welcomed by Pachomios upon his arrival, having been informed by God beforehand about his coming, and quickly integrated into the community at Tabennisi around 328. Remaining at the monastery, Saint Theodore quickly succeeded in all his monastic tasks, particularly in his complete obedience to his spiritual father, and in his compassion towards the other brethren. Theodore’s mother, learning that he was at the Tabennisi monastery, came to Saint Pachomios with a letter from the bishop, asking to see her son. Saint Theodore did not wish to break his vow to renounce the world, so he refused to meet with his mother. Seeing a convent not far away which was under the spiritual direction of Pachomios' sister, she entered the convent and was tonsured a nun. After a period of time Paphnutios, Theodore's brother, also came to the monastery and was tonsured a monk.
Seeing Theodore’s strength of mind and ability, Pachomios once told him to instruct the brethren on Holy Scripture. Saint Theodore was then only twenty years old. He obeyed and began to speak, but some of the older brethren took offense that a new monk should teach them, and they departed. Pachomios said to them, “You have given in to the devil and because of your conceit, your efforts will come to naught. You have not rejected Theodore, but rather the word of God, and have deprived yourselves of the Holy Spirit.”
Pachomius appointed Saint Theodore as overseer of the Tabennisi monastery, and withdrew to the more solitary Monastery of Phbow (several new monasteries had been built by this time). However, Pachomios recalled him from the position after witnessing several monks under Theodores’ watch violating the monastic rules without reprimand. Having failed to prove his governing ability and once more in a position no higher than when he had entered the monastery, Theodore became a personal assistant to Pachomios and remained relatively quiet for some years. Despite his clear potential and popularity, Pachomios refused to grant Theodore any kind of authority; though the old man's failing health soon changed things forever.
When Theodore the Sanctified was in Panopolis with Saint Pachomios, his spiritual father, a philosopher came to him and offered to debate with him about the Christian faith. The philosopher then posed these three questions to Theodore: "Who was not born, but died?" "Who was born and did not die?" "Who died and did not decay?" To these questions, Theodore replied: "Adam was not born and died. Enoch was born and did not die. Lot's wife died and did not decay." And the Saint added this advice to the philosopher: "Heed our sound advice; depart from these useless questions and scholastic syllogisms; draw near to Christ Whom we are serving and you will receive forgiveness of sins."
After Theodore had been assisting Pachomios at Tabennisi for several years following his demotion, Pachomios became very ill and seemed to be on the verge of death. Pachomios had not named a successor, and several brothers pleaded with Theodore to assert himself as head of the cenobium when the sickly man died. Despite the assertion that Theodore apparently did not want the rank of a father, he consented. Unfortunately for the would-be leader, Pachomios recovered, and upon hearing of Theodore’ decision, exiled the ambitious young man. After living a life of constant weeping and prayer in solitude, Pachomios forgave Theodore and allowed him to live among the brothers once more. Normalcy returned, though never again would Pachomios fully trust his former protégé.
In 348 Saint Pachomios died, naming the monk Petronios as his successor rather than the clearly qualified Theodore. The death of Petronios later that year would leave Apa Horsiesios (Orsisius) in charge, and the popular Theodore would retreat to the distant Monastery of Phnoum. Although it seems Theodore practiced complete submission to the new leader of the cenobium, problems soon arose in several Pachomian monasteries that viewed Horsiesios as a weak leader. Refusing to work or communicate and demanding a new leader, many of the elder monks completely abandoned any notion of obedience to Horsiesios. The federation of monasteries was falling apart, and Theodore rushed to Tabennisi to placate the rebels. Soon after his arrival, Theodore was the new de facto leader, though he claimed to be only acting on behalf of Horsiesios. For eighteen years Theodore administered from Pachomios’ old headquarters in Phbow, using techniques far more assertive than his predecessors, such as constantly shuffling the offices and locations of the most ambitious monks. Yet in spite of this somewhat unstable shifting, he oversaw the Thebaid monasteries peacefully for nearly two decades, at which point Theodore predicted he would soon die. Within a few months his prediction came true, and Apa Horsiesios once more took his place as the head of the communities in both title and authority.
Saint Theodore the Sanctified was famed for his sanctity of life, and the great gifts of wonderworking and prophecy (many of his miracles and prophecies are recorded in the Letter of Ammon), and he was well known to Saint Athanasius, Patriarch of Alexandria, who heaped praises on Theodore after his passing. Saint Theodore reposed in his old age in the year 368.
Source

"Shoghi Effendi described clearly how a process of “progressive deterioration in human affairs” is occurring in parallel with another process, a process of integration, through which the “Ark of human salvation”, society’s “ultimate haven”, is being built up. We rejoice to see, in every country and region, true practitioners of peace occupied with building this haven. We see it in every account of a heart being enkindled with the love of God, a family opening up its home to new friends, collaborators drawing on Bahá’u’lláh’s teachings to address a social problem, a community strengthening a culture of mutual support, a neighbourhood or village learning to initiate and sustain the actions necessary for its own spiritual and material progress, a locality being blessed with the emergence of a new Spiritual Assembly.
The methods and instruments of the Plan allow every soul to contribute a share of what humanity needs in this day. Far from offering a temporary salve for the ills of the moment, the prosecution of the Plan is the means by which long-term, constructive processes, unfolding over generations, are being set in motion in every society. All of this points to an urgent, inescapable conclusion: There must be a sustained, rapid rise in the number of those committing their time, their energy, their concentration to the success of this work." -Message of the Universal House of Justice, Ridvan 2024

The theme of the forces of disintegration and integration occurring at the same time is reinforced. My sense is we get no where arguing about events in the world and tied up in the petty politics, finding fault, taking sides, and involving ourselves in these disputes. We seem to have much more success and more to offer by offering a vision and a message of hope, love, unity, and tolerance.
Note the use of the phrase "long-term, constructive processes, unfolding over generations". My sense (actually stated as a "pattern of life" by the Universal House of Justice) is that our objective and vision is in creating ultimately is a pattern of life where people in every neighborhood meet regularly, socialize, study scriptures, deepen, pray, and teach (especially children and youth) and reinforce each other. This vision of every week persons participating on some activity in each neighborhood, whether Baha'i or not, is becoming a reality in some neighborhoods in many places in the world. I wish we could see and know more about these examples of great success. In creating this pattern, we are restoring that sense of community and the bonds of affection and support (not just among Baha'is) of each other that seems to have been lost in this modern, materialistic age. We are about restoring the spiritual foundations. We help people put away the negativity and see the hope and reduce the polarization and selfishness in society.
We have a devotional this evening in our home (thanks to the work of my wife and a couple of friends who have made connections in the community over the years) where we had to consciously not invite some people and limit the number of Baha'is because we will have too many to fit in our home. The people coming include devout Christians, a Buddhist, Hindu, non-denominational persons, and agnostics. Yet, what we find is a "screaming" need among some for a sense of community, sharing, caring, and socialization among a subset of our community. This is despite the fact that we live in a very conservative and well-off community and town. Yet, find so many receptive souls. My wife and some friends have given "firesides" or met for lunch or done small study circles multiple days each week resulting from this simple effort.

Seen: Season 9
Stepping back, I go all the way to the magical age, I wait for things to happen and allow the gods to destroy the world but instead I let myself be known to them, giving my greetings and sucking ass to the destruction god. The difference between the original is that I stick around for the aftermath after getting myself some elixir of eternity, talking and getting along with Salem until and making her think I am a manifestation of the mind and make sure she doesn't go inside the pool of destruction, but ultimately leaving her alone at the last legs of the journey so she can fall in later without my positive influence.
When Ozpin is reincarnated, I once again wait for him to begin moving and meet Salem, I then allow them to fight and return for my misdirection technique where I trick Salem, giving Ozpin enough leverage to get the girls out. I then lay the guilt on, HARD, about how she killed her own daughters and how she could have died millenniums ago if not for her pride and ego, being 1000x worse than her father. In the event this mental manipulation solves the problem and she admits her mistakes then yippee, but, otherwise, I continue with my plans by hiding the children and allowing them to find relationships while I continue researching the grimm. I take them to the lower islands on the map, clear out the grimm and use my own which I would either have tamed or learned how to herd and fake extreme grimm density. Slowly I build my population and selectively breed the people to be taller, stronger and not alter Ozpin's reincarnation cycle by using my own stock. When we start reaching modern stuff, I kill Cinder before she has the chance to take half of Summer's powers and allow Pyrrha to possess the half-dead corpse. I would have also come out at some point, possibly with my men, to continue the heavily guarded city beyond the mountains, using it as an emotional sponge to massively decrease the grimm population. Meanwhile, over the years and well after exploration had finished, the other islands in the south near Vacuo would have been cleared out and populated. Using these islands, a lot of resources would have been sent to Menagerie so their paradise/asylum/home was more than a tropical tourist spot with terrorists. Similar events would be done around the world like expanding Atlas with a city on its Eastern side that exploited the same deep dust veins.
Come the attack at Beacon, well that is simply an event that shouldn't be stopped, instead, the forces were to be relocated elsewhere and when everyone left with plot significance the soldiers could come in and clear out the rest. The story would continue until the ladies got to Atlas, at which point the plan to leave the planet would be progressed while I take the knowledge wish granter, killing Salem's agents and allowing Atlas to safely leave orbit while the spacial bridge was opened for the people under Atlas. Finally, entering the 9th season, I jump down and eat the time fruit, giving Jaune a wink as I surpass him and vanish to the beginning. Watching the gods grow up, I capture their destroyer and teach them responsibility before beating the shit out of them, knowing that their journey of discovery will force them to repeat their mistakes. With what needed to be accomplished done, I take the leaf and get behind Jaune once more so I can go exploring, collecting and learning. Once I have seen all I possibly can, I end up back at the tree using the leaves and go to the present, saving the cat and the demon for my trump card, modifying the lamp to hold them and give the cat the answers it wanted while making the demon more humane and able to change his size. I then once again leave team RWBY and friends with the cat and demon by my side with a bunch of leaves and a seed.
Now back and ahead of the story, I reconnect with my people, happily hearing how things have gone as directed and that Atlas has positioned itself above Vacuo, sending down massive amounts of resources upon request and establishing an inter-planetary defence network that utilises mechs, asteroids, lasers and drop pods. The best part is that after getting the help of the Tree, the final part of my plan has been completed where I reveal myself, showing off my army of faunus, silver-eyed, semblance-using, magic users. The best part is that the Tree wasn't just used for a time skip and secretly helped complete my final form.
Like Salem, her immortality allowed her to be drenched in grimm energy which would have eroded anything else, giving her control and partial traits, as well as a liking for destruction. But the truth of the grimm component is that it is like Venom from Marvel and has the opportunity to harmonise cells as free parts that work with even greater determination and vigour. Mixing it with a body is hazardous and wouldn't have the intended effect and using an immortal simply creates a balance because there is no means of contention. But since I spent the time gaining pawns and researching dust, I would have finally been able to conduct a hybrid formula of dust and grimm that could be injected into exceptionally strong individuals or immortals with a proper synchronisation rate. As for the cat, it offered the potential to enhance things even further by using its supernatural and reality-defying powers to simulate a consciousness for the grimm-dust cells that merged with my immortal ones, allowing the new mind to be absorbed and enhance my abilities over my own body. As for the demon and leaves, they have a different purpose, one that others thought wasn't needed when Salem arrived after a while with her flying gorilla and dragon fleet with a bit of native desert-type grim and migrating herds. When they came, using the satellite array and infinite powers of creation to create defences only made up in a child's imagination, also using Penny and her ice abilities to clear out and flatten desert mounds. Speaking of Penny, her soul project was mass-produced using those of a good nature, meanwhile, Penny became like the director or big sister to all the other androids with their cybernetic superpowers. Something that would be a massive help against Salem's latest onslaught of epic and never-ending hellfire and rattlesnakes. Eventually, Salem would be beaten and cornered where she would be sealed and imprisoned thanks to the combined efforts of everyone, making an overwhelming last-stand victory. But Salem's wishes wouldn't go unfulfilled and she would get to see part of what she wished for desperately, seeing the gods descend upon the world where they would be met with me. If you were properly reading by now, you would know I gave these gods PTSD once I showed my maddened face and gave them a roast about their failings as gods and abandonment of their creations before talking about the philosophies and sophistry for why humanity should live by mentioning everything, from our flaws to our cute quirks to our outstanding commitments. The gods would be made to seriously consider as they were buttered up by their shrines being decorated and freshly offered offerings. Finally, though, what would be the final straw is the tea which would have the leaves pushed into their mouths, bringing them back to the Tree for sorting, alls all that ends well

I (21F), am going into my final year of college, several states away from home. I love my college environment and I love the friends I've made there. I'm starting my thesis next semester. It's not enough to make me forget how much I hate college and my life.
Back in high school, right when COVID hit, I finally got through to my parents and told them I needed help. I got on meds and entered an inpatient psychiatric hospital. That was the best I've ever felt. While there, I somehow got it into my mind that I actually was looking forward to attending college and started looking into it more. The thing is, I've always envisioned myself dying before I graduated high school. I never wanted to go to college until I went through treatment, but my parents wanted me to, and the doctors' idea of me making progress and "planning ahead for the future" was me looking forward to college. To them, this was a sign of my depression getting better.
The thing is, my parents are a little weird about my mental health. They use it against me, like "what do you mean you don't want to go to college, we should send you back to the hospital" or "if you want to go to college, you can't be suicidal or we'll send you back to the hospital". Obviously I didn't want to go back, I was happy, but I also can't stay there my whole life.
So, I went to college. The first year was fine. The second year there was a lot of drama and I got super depressed. My grades dipped a bit but not enough to concern anyone. This past year, I don't know what happened. I fell into a super bad depression. Didn't go to class, I'd sleep through exams, I got put on suicide watch by my school both semesters. I have to retake so many classes and yet my parents think I'm doing so well. They brag about me to the family and their coworkers and friends. This makes it worse. I've never liked being praised, it makes me really uncomfortable like "what if I let them down" but now... it's worse because it's not even true, I'm not doing well. But I don't know if I care that I'll let them down. I think I just want to die.
I don't think I'll kill myself. I think I'm on too many meds. I don't think I can stop the meds though, because then I get so depressed I can't even move to kill myself.
If I did do it, I don't want anyone thinking it's because of my grades. It's not. I'm not sad because of my grades. I'm sad because I don't want to be alive. I don't want to be in college. I wasn't planning on living past high school. I want my parents to understand this. I don't want to die and my parents misunderstand my final act.
But, if I tell my parents about the grades, they'll ask why. If I tell them I'm depressed, they'll say I'm making excuses and why didn't I tell them if that was true. Why didn't I tell them? Because if I go back to the hospital maybe I won't want to kill myself anymore. And I don't want that. I want to die.

I'm at 90% for mental health (PTSD), liver cirrhosis, tinnitus and put in for an increase to 100% for medical - liver. Another vet told me to be careful because not only is there a chance I could be denied, but also lose my 90% and get a decrease. I didn't think much of it, but while waiting on my decision, they had me do an evaluation for my mental health. They would only be evaluating my mental health if they were reconsidering my 90%, right? I put in for an increase for medical (liver), not mental health.
Now I'm worried that veteran was right and I'll get a rating decrease. Does this happen a lot?