Part 1

The official story is that I hit my head. According to the lawyer I wasn't lucid enough to be a reliable witness, and honestly, I'm starting to believe that might be the truth. It's certainly easier to accept that everything was all just some nightmare.
But if my mind wasn't playing tricks on me, and those fuck-heads didn’t have anything to do with my friend’s disappearance, then there truly is no explanation for what happened.
My therapist and parents both agree. The best way to preserve my sanity is to chalk it all up to my imagination. But I see understanding in their eyes when I recount the events. They want to believe me, I know it. That alone is enough to fuel my doubt.
—
School had begun that September with mourning. I only knew the guy who passed away by face and name. It had happened a month after his graduation, and two months before his first year at Cornell.
During the intercom-ordered moment of silence, I looked out through the classroom. Some were bored, some cried. Many shifted in their seats and were glancing around, like myself, counting every second till the awkwardness would end.
It ended sooner than we thought when a kid with sports goggles a size too big bouncing on his face slammed the door open, obliviously clarifying his attendance.
I'm embarrassed to say that this kid, Aiden, was the only friend I had made in high school until this point. I have a hard time introducing myself to others, but being friends with a prepubescent outcast wasn't making that any easier.
After middle school, my family moved to the small village we live in now. It was a brainless choice because my Mom had found better work, my Dad wanted to be closer to his aging parents, and I desperately wanted out of my old school.
Aiden was the first kid to introduce himself when I transferred last year. I realized he was the token 'weird kid' way too late to make it into any social circles. I know it sounds like I'm a shit friend, but that's the way our relationship turned out. Sure, we told our parents and teachers we were friends, but in reality, it was more a tolerance than friendship.
After all, we didn't have anyone else.
For once, I was thankful for Aiden's lack of awareness. It gave me something to focus on instead of the depressing silence strangling the room.
After realizing his mistake, he whispered an apology, sat down, and pulled out an insect encyclopedia from his book bag. What a nerd.
I distracted myself by reading the book from over his shoulder, and before I knew it, lights were turned back on and class began in earnest.
—
I was able to learn what had happened by eavesdropping on hallway gossip between my classes.
Eight kids, six seniors and two juniors, had found a cave in a region of forest known as Skeleton Park. With that discovery, they decided to add spelunking to their pre-graduation bucket list.
Skeleton Park is the setting of countless local ghost stories, which made it a hot spot for rebellious teen antics. Kids would do everything there: party, drink, smoke, fuck, and everything in between. They even crawled around in caves apparently.
When I first moved, I was a skeptic with no intent of exploring the woods. But one creepy phenomenon always unnerved me. For some reason, animals completely avoided the area.
I initially dismissed this as fiction, like all the other folk tales, until I started walking my dog, Paddy, along the town's bike trail.
The trail runs parallel to the remains of a stone wall outlining Skeleton Park. The first couple of times I walked along it, I didn't notice anything peculiar. But after my Dad first told me about the rumors, I became aware that the area was unnaturally silent. No birds chirped in the trees, no flies buzzing, and no rustling from rodents or any other animals.
Even more surreal, on several occasions I saw deer stop at the wall and walk along it instead of passing through the area. It was like there was an invisible border they refused to cross.
With this context, I'm sure you can understand the reaction of the locals when eight kids entered, and only seven escaped two days later, traumatized and bruised.
Honestly, I was surprised to not have heard about the event over the summer, closer to when it happened. Even more strange though, was how unwilling Aiden was to talk about the incident.
He was the kind of kid who had a strong opinion about everything. On top of that, he was constantly bringing up horror movies, or Creepypastas he had found online. But when I asked his opinion on this summer's events during recess, he only shrugged. Despite the nonchalant response, the look on his face told me that it bothered him. So I didn’t press, and let the subject go.
At the time I'd guessed that he might've had some connection to the kid that went missing. In a way, he did.
—
After an exhausting day of attempts from teachers to console their students with speeches, candy, and exceptional lenience, I was ready to go home.
I expected to find Aidan at the usual spot by the bike racks, where we met each day to walk home. Instead, there was an audience next to the bikes, forming a ring around two disheveled figures.
The flying fists and shouting could only mean one thing, so I kept my distance. Then I heard Aidan yell center, “Fucker!’ and saw a glimpse of his face spitting from a bloody mouth onto the other fighter.
Even though his back was to me, I could tell Aidan’s opponent was easily 5 inches, and 60 pounds heavier than my friend.
Teachers didn’t arrive to break up the fight before the two were on the ground, Aidan mounted with arms up, desperately trying to block blows.
A whistle was blown, and people began running away as my math teacher desperately tried to pry the football player off of Aidan.
He fought back the grown man and was finally pulled away when two more adults rushed to help. The boy was screaming at Aiden with carnal rage.
"You're a fucking liar! How dare you, I'm going to fucking kill you if I ever see you again!"
Aidan was still screaming too, but backed away willingly.
"I'm telling the truth dumbass! You were trespassing! You should be lucky we didn't press charges!"
Aiden looked bad but waved the teachers off whenever they asked if he was OK. Blood poured from his forehead, mouth, and nose. He had at least one black eye.
The other guy, I learned from the crowd, was one of the two juniors who had gone to the cave. He didn't have as many cuts or bruises but was supporting his weight on one leg and his friend's shoulder. Multiple teachers forced him into a chair while they waited for a nurse to arrive.
While the crowd control was distracted, Aiden sneaked over to me and whispered that we needed to get out of there. A couple of minutes later, the two of us were walking home like nothing had ever happened.
It took me a while before I dared to ask Aiden for the full story. He didn't even let me finish my question, which let me know he was more or less his usual self.
"My family inherited the property everyone calls Skeleton Park. It's not haunted, it's not toxic, it's not the home of a satanic sex cult; it's just a piece of forest that's been in my family for a couple of generations."
He spat a dribble of red onto the sidewalk, and I realized I'd never seen Aiden get violent before. We had our share of bullying this past year, but he would always shrug it off and laugh. He wouldn't even try to fight back. We would just get pushed around a bit, and he'd make a quip afterward about the guys' weight or smell.
"Every summer, my dad and I drive around the perimeter putting up trespassing signs, and every year they get ripped down. We get police calls once a month during the summer that somebody came limping out of there with a broken arm or leg, and they have the balls to demand we do something about it. It's not our fault nobody follows the law around here. It's the fucking woods, and it's our private property. What the hell are we even supposed to do?"
To be honest, I hadn't even considered Skeleton Park could've been private property. Though I believed everything Aiden said, I had never seen any signs along the border wall. Embarrassed from being one of those trespassers, I looked away and stayed silent as Aiden continued.
"The area is just too big. There are too many places to enter, and there's no way to block it all off. Though it's not like that'll stop anybody. I feel bad that somebody died, but I'm also a little bit thankful. Maybe now, people will think twice before messing around out there."
We walked in silence until reaching the junction where we would have to part ways. I was tired and wanted to head home, but I also was worried that Aiden would be jumped by some of the seniors if he was alone. It had happened before, and his earlier brawl could've been seen as a declaration of war.
Instead of voicing these concerns, however, I asked if he wanted to play video games at his house. He was surprised by the request but agreed.
I was on edge with every passing car, and every blind turn, but thankfully we weren’t attacked. After a couple more minutes of walking, we made it to Aiden’s house. His Dad was outside watering the garden. He turned, noticing our approach in the corner of his eye, but his planned greeting died in his mouth when he saw the dried blood coating Aiden’s face.
"Holy Shit! what did you do this time?" he exclaimed, running over to inspect his son’s injuries. "Oh, hey Brian," he added, smiling briefly at me before returning to his analysis.
Mr. Eriks was cool for a dad. Aiden never had a bad thing to say about him, and the way he handled everything that happened in the following months would only increase my admiration for him. He'd raised Aiden by himself, and I would've considered him a second friend if he wasn't 40 years older than me.
After determining the damage wasn't all that bad: a cut on Aidan's forehead and lip producing most of the blood, the three of us went inside.
Aiden went upstairs to take a shower, and his dad privately thanked me for walking him home. It didn’t take long for me to cave, and ask Mr. Eriks about the park.
"Yeah, we do own it," he answered while preparing snacks for Aiden and me. " My wife, Aiden's mom, inherited it before she passed away, and then it was signed over to me. To be honest, I don't know too much about it, and she didn't either. We just used it to go camping there sometimes, back before Aiden was born. Now we go together because it reminds us of her."
"Did you ever run into people up there, when you're camping?"
"Yeah, though not in the fall and winter when we usually go. I have the police's local number on speed dial for when it happens. Usually, it's just teens though. Kids tend to run away as soon as they see an adult with a flashlight. Paranormal or not, they know they're not supposed to be there- You staying with us for dinner Brian?"
At this point, I was too curious about the truth of Skeleton Park to leave, so I nodded and said I just needed to check with my parents.
After a phone call with my mom, some pizza rolls, and a couple of rounds of Fortnite, the afternoon stress had mostly faded away.
Me and Aidan were sitting in his room, scrolling Netflix for a slasher film to watch, when I finally asked what I'd been dying to know the entire afternoon.
"So, why was that guy saying you're a liar?"
Aiden chuckled at the question.
"He refused to believe my family owned the property his friend died on."
"Why did you even say anything? You know that just makes them want to beat you up more, right?"
"I'm tired of everybody using our land like a public park, I'm tired of picking up condoms left by people I go to school with, and I'm tired of keeping quiet about it. I tried explaining it to people in middle school. Our first project in fifth grade was a presentation about something important to us, I did mine about the park. Nobody believed me, and it got me socially exiled for the next four years. "
I ignored the urge to explain that there was probably more to his social exile than a get-to-know-you presentation from four years ago.
"That's fair I guess," I said instead. "You're dad says you go camping there."
"Yeah, on three-day weekends, and sometimes longer on breaks. Mostly in the fall and winter when there are less trespassers."
"You don't find it creepy camping there? Even without the trespassers?"
"You mean because of the silence?" Aiden smiled and looked over at me. "Yeah, the rumor about the animals is true as far as I can tell. Sure. It's kind of weird, but in winter it's kind of beautiful too. After a blizzard, there's nothing to disturb the snow, and it's kinda like the whole forest has gone to sleep. With the snow and no animals, it can get so quiet that you hear your own heart beating."
He looked off past me with a feeling of nostalgia, but all I felt was chills.
"I can take you if you want," Aiden added. "I'll have to ask my dad, but I think it would be fun to have another person camp with us."
"I'll think about it," was my way of declining without saying no.
Aiden just shrugged. "Suit yourself. Offer still stands if you ever change your mind."
Much to my annoyance, we weren’t even able to finish the movie. My Mom called, saying she was outside to pick me up an hour into our viewing of The Blair Witch Project.
I went to bed wondering how anyone could feel safe camping in a place like that. After contemplating taking Aidan up on his offer, I concluded there could be nothing that would make me spend the night there. Ironically, it would be less than a week before I changed my mind.
—
Three days later, I was walking Paddy along our usual route when she stopped and looked up at something beyond the stone wall, into Skeleton Park. She stood like a statue, eyes wide and fixated on some invisible thing.
I tried tugging the leash, pulling out a treat, begging, and making all kinds of sounds, but she just stood there. Paddy was a six-year-old golden retriever who easily weighed as much as I did, so I couldn't do much more than wait for her to move.
Suddenly, she began barking wildly at the air.
I tried approaching, but she growled at me, a sound I had never heard from her before, and I was forced to back away.
Before I could even process what was happening. She leaped over the wall and ran at full speed into the woods. It all happened so quickly that I had no time to tighten my grip on the leash.
She sprinted straight into the woods, and I chased after her, but I didn't make it far without tripping on a root hidden among the leaves. My knee was split open by something as I fell, and it took all my strength, fighting past the shock, to get back up. After recovering, I looked in all directions, but couldn't see Paddy anymore. I could only hear the tossing of leaves and branches in the distance.
Then there was nothing. Not a single sound. I'm not sure why I didn't question the sudden silence back then. It wasn't the gradual fade into silence you would expect from something running away. It was as if somebody had just hit a mute button on everything but the wind through the trees.
I don't know, maybe I'm misremembering the details.
Patty's disappearance doesn't matter anyway. We never found her, and dogs don’t live for twenty years, so at this point, we never will.
After taking a moment to recover from the shock, I limped home crying and told my parents what had happened. My Dad called the police because it was the only thing we could think of, but all they did was apologize and recommend we put up posters.
They couldn't do anything even if they wanted to. After all, she ran onto private property.
After that, the last thing I could think to do was call Aiden. His dad promised they could search the park that night, and he also offered to take me for an extended search the following weekend in case they didn’t find anything.
Of course, they didn't find her, just half of a leash wrapped around a branch. At least, that's what my parents told me the Eriks had found, they never actually let me see it.
A day before the trip, the Forecast started predicting snow: Saturday night into Sunday, eight inches, wet.
I probably should've given up then. Instead, I told Aiden this would probably be my only chance to find Paddy, insisting she wouldn't survive in the snow. After making sure with his dad, we continued with the plan and headed out after school Friday night.
—
While it hurts keeping this story in, reliving the memories is almost as painful. So I'm going to take a break writing for now and continue in a day or two. If anyone has a scientific explanation for why animals were avoiding that area, or for my dog's behavior, please let me know.
Thanks for reading, B
Part 1

I’ve been thinking about for awhile and trying to find creative ways of using up product. There was a post from someone who said “you’re doing too much and you’re too attached”. This was my wake up call to stop and let go. I decluttered a brown grocery bag full of makeup. I’d guess about 50 lipsticks, 50 eyeshadows, 20 blushes/powders and some other random items. It wasn’t as scary as I thought, quite freeing in many ways. But there a part of me that was scared I’d regret it, would need something or scared I’ll rebuy. But I’ve got to let that go. I kept more than what I need but at least it’s better. I have about 6 foundations, 4 powders, 3 bronzers, 20 blushes, 20 lipsticks, and maybe 20 eye products. So it’s better but I’d like to use up a lot more.

Hey Guys!
I’ve won a DJ Contest and have my first Festival gig on a med size event upcoming. Of course I put a lot of effort in it as this a big chance for me. So far I’ve only texted with the promoter, but we’ve scheduled a phone call. For various obvious reasons I’ll ask for payment, if that doesn’t come up naturally.
Fair or shameless?
I think it’s fair as it’s not like I don’t do anything for it and what would they do when they don’t have me? Book another artist and pay them. On the other hand they give me as a newcomer a big chance and are very generous regarding everything around. But it will ruin the industry if everyone plays for free just because.
Thoughts on this? Many thanks!

Here's the list of links to the Social Story Videos:

1. Taking Turns
   
2. Expressing Anger
   
3. I choose how I act!
   
4. Stranger Danger
   
5. Personal Space
   
6. Sharing Friends
   
7. Leaving Recess
   
8. Potty Training
   
9. Germs
   
10. Compromise
    
11. Staying with the Group
    
12. Doing Hard Things!
    

NOTE: I got through about 11 out of the 16 requests I got. I intend to get through the rest later!
Social Stories App
If you're interested in more Social Stories like this, I put together a free interactive app in my free time that lets students choose what to do in the stories. It's meant to be a fun class activity to improve social skills!
Here's the website if you'd like to give it a go. It's called Emoquest!
Thank y'all for such great story ideas. I hope these can be useful!

My family has always had an issue with how I treat my sister - I spoil her, baby her, drop everything to run to her when she needs it, care for her and love her deeply. I have always loved my sister and did everything for her. However, everyone I know described our relationship as one sided.
I left my ferret in my mom’s care for a few months due to me having a severe mental breakdown. he ended up passing away from what I know now is a blockage. I didn’t think it was one because when I asked my sister the symptoms she said he was eating, drinking, going to the toilet and wasn’t really sick. Saying she didn’t know why mom said he was sick. I got a message a few days later he had died. My sister said she stayed with him all night, my mom was nowhere and basically claimed she severely abused him. I didn’t speak to my mom for 2yrs because of what my sister said. During these 2yrs my sister would tell me to not speak to our mom and how awful she is. My mom reached out and I wanted to hear her side. My mom said she absolutely adored my ferret and would never hurt him. She was confused why I didn’t come to take him to the vet, saying my sister told her she told me it was a blockage. She didn’t. My mom has always been an animal lover and she is destroyed by what I’ve told her. She also told me the worst. My sister wasn’t even there, she left to buy drugs and never came back for the day. She came back as my mom was burying my ferret, took his dead body, took pics with him, then sent them to me. Saying it was her with him all night.
My mom decided to share with me for years my sister has been telling everyone I said our mom was abusive, my partner tells me my mom hates me that’s why I don’t talk to her, that I slept with 100s of married old men as a teenager and picked up guys at the gym. I never did or said any of that. My partner has always loved my mom and would never say that too.
My sister was just at my house this week. I gave her a gaming laptop, all my logins to gaming stuff so she can play them for free etc. a few weeks ago I took her shopping and bought her food and stuff for her work she needed.
I am just so unbelievably shocked and hurt. So is my mom. I blocked my sister on everything we have not confronted her. She has been avoiding us like the plague after my mom slept around my house as if she knew what we’d discuss. I adore my sister and can’t believe this is what I got in return. I don’t even know where to go from here.

Tideman... the most hyped problem in the entire course of CS50x.
I tried to do it... and I could complete it relatively faster than others, but it was challenging nonetheless. Also, a very important note:
You can take as much time as you want, you can even solve Runoff (though I haven't looked at it till now). Only one thing: please DON'T think that some XYZ guy solving Tideman within 7 hours is implying that you need to do it too. Obviously not. Take your time...
This pset is challenging but it can even open an amateur coder's mind. I understood what Graphs are from this very pset.

Preliminaries

I want to say, understand structs very carefully if you have coded in Java and are learning C. For those who are getting to know about these algs recenty (applies to Python coders too), understand it thoroughly first. Also, if possible, write the algs which you are confused about. Like, try to use some website or stuff, or even ChatGPT (what I am about to say is reasonable) to understand how the alg works (NO DIRECT CODE), like certain analogies.
Anyway, the things that are hard in various algs are as follows:

• Linear Search: That return false thing which David Sir said in the lecture.
• Binary Search: Understanding how the high and low indexes are adjusted. The way I like to explain binary search (without using recursion) is using some thumb pins attached on a board like an array and keeping a rubberband stretched between the high and low indexes. That way, when you'll try to change the index, you'll just think to yourself, "I'm keeping the high/low index jussst beyond the middle position." Try it/visualize it for yourself.
  
• Selection Sort: The exact thing we use when we did those ascending-descending order problems in the first grade... anyway... understanding why the inner loop starts from the next index is important. Also, people do forget to swap after everything, which shouldn't be forgotten.
  
• Bubble Sort: Bubbble Sort can be done more efficiently by tweaking with the test condition in the inner loop... but we don't need to focus on that for now. Just remember that you need to insert the reverse of the condition you are trying to fulfill. For example, for sorting in ascending order, you need to check if the previous element is, in some way, shape, or form, greater than the next element.
  
• Merge Sort: Ok, I am still confused regarding this one, but one way we can approach that is to understand how merging works. You need to write a program where two arrays are merged in ascending/descending order into one array. The two arrays need to be random. You can find examples for this problem on the internet, but please don't look at the solutions. You CAN USE your loops while merging the two arrays, but merging really doesn't require any other sorting algorithm, just two counters (a hint).
  

Before understanding Tideman, please have a strong grasp in any of the sorting algs. Understand why the conditional is there, because the conditions will be different for this problem. You can even solve the hardest sorts if you know what the conditionals do in your sorting alg.
Also, recursion is really worth learning independently. Solve some problems you are trying to solve using iteration. Try to check whether something is a prime number using recusion. Try to do anything you have solved/can solve using iteration.
Recursion is just mathematical induction (for those who know maths): it's just dominoes falling. You need to check what will happen when the first domino or the last domino will fall (base case), and ensure that if a domino m is falling, ensure that the domino m+1 is falling too (recusive case).
Please watch the shorts and section for this week, in case you don't understand anything. Check for the materials you don't understand.
Also, PLEASE do the additional practice problems of week 3. There's no check50 or submit50 for these problems, you can check the results for yourself. Even as a experienced programmer, I'd recommend taking these baby-steps before trying to attempt Tideman. See, even if you did Java or Python before and you feel like finding the max value or making a WHOLE MENU is tiring, these are very easy problems, which are important for solving the later ones. For example, I was thinking, "Why just take the value? Why not take the index?" Then when I was trying to solve the Plurality pset, I realized that they were trying to tell us that there can be multiple winners... anyway...

Tideman

So, you've completed Sort, Plurality and, possibly, even Runoff and all the other psets... and you're trying to attempt this.
1) Open the walkthrough video/the pset page.
2) For newcomers, write (about) all the variables and their functions “in brief”. Or just look at the distribution code or the pset page. These are very essential, and you’ll have to refer to them frequently.
3) When the walkthrough video comes to the functions part, we’ll start focusing on THAT FUNCTION only. As David Sir said throughout the course till now, abstraction is the key. Like, think of only that part of the main method where a particular function has been implemented, how that part has been treated... Just don't think about the other functions you’ll have to do. JUST do that part and return accordingly. Write pseudocode like you’ve done throughout the course.
4) If you want, you can reuse the codes you’ve written…
Let's talk about what we can do in the individual functions:

• For the vote function, you will probably remember the discussion on linear search. Implement that, but do understand what are the uses of those parameters.
• For the record_preferences function, I would recommend you to use a pen-and-paper to understand the situation, visually. Also, understand that you are trying to check who wins between two candidates, AND THEN determine the preference. Also, i over j.
• For the add_pairs function, you will obviously have to run an inner loop and an outer loop for traversing through the array. One more thing: remember the technique you did in your previous functions.
• For the sort_pairs function, you’ll be happy to hear that you can quite literally write abc a[i] = b, where b is a struct of abc. You won't need to write different variables like abc a[i].smile = [b.smile](http://b.smile) and make your code longer (where smile is a variable in struct abc).
• (Before attempting the lock_pairs function, read this thing I’ve got from the Discord server)
• For the lock_pairs function, you are free to make any other recursive function you want in the code. Think of the parameters it will take. You’ll understand the parameters if you understand all the base cases. The return type will obviously be bool or int (you may take anything you want though). One thing to note though: search through the destination part thoroughly, using a loop in the recursive function. If necessary, you can write a recursive call in the loop too. Remember that base case is written first and then your main part of the code: the loop part. In this function, it's very important not to get overwhelmed. Recursion will do the teeny-tiny details for you if you write the base case properly. So, have that “leap of faith,” and search through and step into and through and step into and through and step into… you get the idea right?
• By the way, how will you differentiate between what you’ve already traversed and what you have not traversed? After all, you only have a bool array with true and fase as the only acceptable values. Make changes in the lock_pairs and in the recursive function accordingly. Also, lock_pairs function is in itself, also, not unimportant, as it also does some pretty eccentric stuff too. Like, you never try to check if you have fit another end of the pipe perfectly without checking if the first end is already fit.
• For the print_winners function, atleast I would rather use statements like break and continue. Consult the Internet if these are confusing for you. Btw, labelled loops don't exist in C. I’m heavily disappointed. Alternatively, you can use variables declared outside the outer loop to note the index(es). Also, you’ll have to use a flag coupled with those two statements or those variables. “For this problem, we can assume that there is one source.” Therefore, as soon as you print your stuff, just wait no more. (This was just an efficiency rant btw, this function is actually easy if done without any help from this post; just spoiler-tagged it so that you don't get overwhelmed.)

Key Takeaways

If you haven't done the problem, don't read the section, you’ll lose interest/get confused.
This is probably one of the best examples of backtracking I’ve EVER SEEN. I could never do backtracking until now. This feels more like an intermediate-level competitive programming problem… except the fact that the problem is explained a lot. I myself neither implemented graphs nor backtracking before, so I was… confused while doing locked_pairs. Also, I’m very very bad at competitive programming, please don't think like I’m some experienced developer or something,; I’m just an amateur guy doing big projects once in a while…
Anyway, it was an amazing problem. Anyone can learn a lot from this pset.

I used to volunteer at this horseback riding farm. For context, volunteers were compensated with a free horse ride each time we volunteered (which I have since learned means that we technically qualified as workers in the state that I lived in). There was one day that I was working, and I went into the tack barn and saw a girl laying on the ground, looking rather unwell. She was another of the "volunteers." I asked her what was wrong, and she responded that she had touched an electric fence on accident and passed out. On this particular day, it was bucketing raining. If you've ever touched an electric fence with a wet hand or while it's raining, you know just how badly it hurts. I was premed at the time and thought she may have some sort or heart of neurological condition, so I had her lie down on the ground with her feet propped up on a wastepaper basket and monitored her pulse while I texted her mother.
It was at this point that our boss came in, saw her laying on the ground, asked what the hell she was doing, and, upon my explanation of the situation, told her she was faking and to get back to work. I instead walked her to my car so that she could sit down somewhere without the boss yelling at her and called her mother. During this time, she started to get worse and seemed very out of it. Her mother (a nurse) asked me to call her an ambulance. I hung up and did just that.
When the first responders arrived, our boss yelled at them to get off her property, but they refused because the girl in question was a minor. She saw the girl in my car and, realizing I was the one who called 911, told us both to, "leave and never come back." Another of her employees then tried to block EMS from giving the girl medical attention, so the cops were called and took statements. The day ended with two firetrucks, two police cars, one ambulance, one irate woman screaming, and a partridge in a pear tree.
I later found out she had been involved in some very shady business practices and that is most likely the reason she didn't want anyone there. I did what I could to get OSHA and other organizations involved to prevent another accident, or at least ensure that if something did happen, the person would receive medical treatment, but nothing every came of it and the business is still up and running a year later. I checked and saw that other reviews have said people have since been hurt on her farm. So, I left a review telling this story and warning people not to go there, as it could be dangerous. I received a very nasty reply from the boss/owner calling me a Karen and a bunch of other names and basically telling me that the girl and I were lying and had wasted the first responders' time. I feel like a terrible person for not doing more to help and also can't help feeling shaky every time I think about that response, like I also did something terrible by helping, even though I would do the same thing again.
I don't know what else to do, but I can't let this go. Not when she still has so many people, including summer camps for children, on her farm. So, AITA and is there anything else I can do?

I wore my loops a lot more than usual a few weeks ago because I went along on a trip (which meant eating at restaurants, walking through busy touristy areas, taking public transport, being in public all day with no way to hide) and probably would've imploded if I hadn't been able to block some of the noise out. I was proud of myself for using accommodations and avoiding bursting into tears in public. Joke's on me.
I've never had an ear infection before and I'm miserable. Phone calls and knowing when to take actions on things that aren't well-defined (at what point do you call a doctor when you have Symptom?) are two of the things I really struggle with so I waited too long and there was some concern that the infection had spread to my bone. It hasn't, I'm fine, but the ear drops I need to use several times a day for the next two weeks are a sensory nightmare and I'm crying not knowing how I'm gonna get through this.
I don't know how to get through this and I also don't know how to cope going forward because I can't be sure it won't happen again. I just put the loops on my keychain last week (after the pain, which I had opted to ignore to see if it would go away on its own, had already started...) because I was so happy with them and knowing I can have them on me at all times to turn down life's volume a little whenever I need was a really reassuring thought. :(

Hello, I gave birth at the beginning of April, and from the start, we had problems with latching. I asked in the hospital and later a pediatrician if it was normal for it to hurt that much, and they said that breastfeeding and pain often go together. After two weeks, my nipples were really damaged, so I used nipple shields for a week to let them heal, which worked. After that, half of the breastfeeding sessions were pain-free, but it became worse again last week. I decided to call a lactation consultant, and she thinks we need to work on my baby's tongue. She showed me some exercises. She also said I have vasospasm, which now makes sense.
After starting the exercises (today is the second day), breastfeeding is extremely painful. On one nipple, there is blood trapped under the skin (I don't know the proper term), and on the other, I have a tiny blister.
I'm really desperate and cry a lot because of the pain and the mental struggle. The pain makes me want to stop breastfeeding, but I feel an extreme connection with my daughter while doing it and really don’t want to stop.
How long does it take for these exercises to start working? What can I do in the meantime? I’m taking supplements (magnesium, calcium, B complex) and using Nursicare pads.

Hey everyone!
I recently stumbled upon a fascinating term in my “Reading and Writing Digital Age" course called the "Anthropocene." It's a concept that might not be on everyone's radar, but it's incredibly significant in understanding our relationship with the planet.
The Anthropocene refers to the current geological age, characterized by the significant impact of human activity on Earth's geology and ecosystems. Essentially, it's a way of recognizing how much we (humans), as a species, have shaped the world around us. From industrialization to climate change, our actions have left a lasting mark on the planet. It's a sobering reminder of our responsibility to the environment and the urgent need for sustainable practice.
I find it intriguing how this term encapsulates the complex interplay between humanity and nature. It's not just about environmental degradation but also about recognizing our capacity to enact positive change.
As we navigate the digital landscape, it's essential to consider how we engage with information about the Anthropocene. Whether it's through Twitter threads or Instagram infographics, raising awareness about our impact on the planet is crucial.
I encourage you all to delve deeper into the concept of the Anthropocene and think about how you can contribute to a more sustainable future. Together, we can strive to mitigate our environmental footprint and create a world that thrives for generations to come.
Feel free to share your thoughts or questions about the Anthropocene below! I hope to spark something meaningful. fun, and critically-thinking conversation about our role in shaping the world.
Looking forward to hearing from you all!
Isaiah, NU 25’
Author's Note: This post is tailored for Reddit. Like I mentioned above, my goal is not only to complete an assignment, but to engage users in a thought-provoking discussion about Anthropocene. I provided a brief explanation of the term while also opening the floor for readers and thinkers to share their perspectives and insights. By fostering conversation, I hope I accomplished a safe space that encourages active participation and knowledge-sharing within the community!

I was just returning back from another interview. It has been the third one this month.
I failed to make the cut yet again.
Life hasn’t been easy for an ex-soldier with the economic downturn currently underway.
The COVID pandemic had also wiped out all my savings.
So I was open to securing any job that would help me pay my bills.
I hadn’t eaten all day and just passed by a McDonalds. It was crowded and I thought to myself, ‘Let me just order a takeout’.
I could see a few vehicles waiting in front of me.
There was a guy in his motorcycle honking incessantly demanding the customer in front to keep it moving.
He was a tall man with long hair and clearly looked edgy and irritable. Both his arms were heavily tattooed. He stepped down from his bike and started to walk towards the car in front of him.
I couldn’t make out what he way saying but I could see the conversation was getting heated.
I got down from my car and walked towards the biker guy.
As I got closer, the biker banged on the hood of the car and was pointing his finger at the man threateningly.
The guy in the car was looking a little alarmed. He had a young boy seated next to him.
The woman working at the driveway counter appealed to the biker to maintain his cool. He would hear none of it.
She then proceeded to call the police and this made the biker more irate. He snatched the receiver from her and hit her face with it. She fell backwards and started bleeding from the nose.
The biker then proceeded to turn his gaze towards the man in the car. He opened the door and dragged the guy outside.
He drew his hand back to throw a punch at him.
I caught his arm from behind and kicked him hard in the shins. He yelped in pain and let go of the other man.
He then turned back angrily to take a look at me. He was wearing a black jacket with the name Kenny embossed in front.
I said, “Listen Kenny. I have had a really bad day. So you either stop this madness or I am going to break your bones.”
He snarled and threw a punch at me with all his might. I swerved to the right and ducked just in time, causing him to miss completely.
Next, he whipped out a switch blade from his pocket and lunged towards me with it. I side stepped him and counterattacked with a punch to his plexus. He went down on one knee.
I caught hold of his knife arm and ordered him to drop it.
“Drop the knife kenny!! This is your last warning”, I repeated.
He started to fidget with his other arm around his shoe. I realized he had another weapon hidden in his sock.
So before he could attempt anything else, I twisted his forearm and landed a crushing blow to his elbow. It snapped into two and he lay on the floor yelping in pain.
By this point, other people came forward to intervene and help with the situation.
As Kenny was being led away by the police, he kept staring at me with madness in his eyes.
“I am coming back for you. This is going to be the biggest regret of your life”, he yelled.
I didn’t care and started going back to my car.
Then the man who was threatened by Kenny came forward and shook my hand.
“Hi. I am Rupert. That is my son Henry”, he said.
I waved my hand at the boy and he waved back.
“I would like to thank you for what you did for me back there”, he said.
“You not only helped me maintain my dignity but also helped me save face in front of my son”, he continued.
“This means a lot to me as a dad” he said.
I nodded in acknowledgement not sure what I was to add to the conversation.
He then reluctantly asked,” Is there anything I can do to repay the favour? Please feel free to ask . Anything. I would be most grateful.”
I thought for a moment. I could see the man was wealthy.
“If it’s not too much of an ask, I would appreciate a job if available. If you feel that is difficult, no problem. Forget I asked. No worries.” I said.
He smiled back at me warmly. He reached into his pocket and handed me a card.
“Please come to my office tomorrow. We can talk” he signed off.
From that moment on, I became the personal bodyguard and chaperone of his 8 year old son Henry. We immediately hit it off and became pals. I looked after all his son’s travelling arrangements.
We would also go to McDonalds every week for his favourite Burger and fries. I later learnt that his father was a very wealthy man who made most of his money during the dot com bubble.
I also became friends with the female employee at the driveway counter who had earlier been attacked by that biker punk Kenny.
Her name was Stella and it didn’t take very long for the two of us to start dating.
With a fulfilling job and a loving girlfriend by my side, my life was finally back on track. I couldn’t be happier.
And then one day - it all came crashing.
Henry and I as usual visited the McDonalds joint and I was surprised to see Stella missing at the counter.
I asked the staff about her and they said she hadn’t turned up today.
I thought that was weird. She had stayed over at my place and I saw her leave for work in the morning.
I tried calling her number but it was unreachable.
I dropped Henry at home and headed towards Stella’s apartment.
She had given me a spare key and I opened the door with it. Everything was in its place.
I tried her number again. It remained not reachable.
I decided to go back to my apartment to check if she might be there.
When I reached the door, I could see the lock had been smashed. The door was left slightly open.
I took out my side arm and slowly entered the apartment.
I could see a life size figure of Ronald McDonald the clown sitting on my sofa.
The famous mascot was sitting cross legged with one arm resting on the backrest. Just like how he likes to sit on benches outside McDonald outlets all across the world.
I was a little taken aback, but quickly switched on the lights to take a closer look.
As I moved closer, my knees buckled under my own weight.
It was Stella. She was the one who was dressed as the clown.
There were injury marks around her neck. She had been strangled to death.
I managed to call the cops while still reeling from the shock.
I also noticed her right hand which was resting on her thigh, was close fisted. When I pried it open, there was a crumpled piece of paper inside.
It read -
“She was really begging me for mercy.
Where was soldier boy when she needed him huh?
Boo Hoo….I’m Lovin It!!
I’m Lovin it!!
Signed Yours Kenny”
I could feel a surge of anger envelop me. And yet I lay there helpless.
Had it not been for the surveillance cameras at the entrance of my home, I would have been in jail by now.
The police could clearly see Kenny carrying Stella’s body and breaking into my apartment.
They put out a nationwide notice for Kenny and he’s been on the run ever since.
Even after 2 months following Stella’s death, the police were not any closer to catching the culprit.
But I did apprise Henry’s dad of the situation. His life was also at risk after considering what happened to my girlfriend.
But our collective worry was for Henry. We didn’t want to see him suffer for no fault of his.
So I started training Henry to take his own safety seriously. I devised multiple safeguards to keep him protected while being outdoors. Always ensured that I was personally there to drop and pick him up from school.
My boss appreciated all that I was doing for his son. He knew I had taken Stella’s death hard.
He was a generous and compassionate man and I liked working for him.
Although he did notice I wasn’t my usual cheery self anymore.
One day when I was waiting at the office, he tossed the keys of his new car at me.
“This should perk you up. Take her for a spin” he said.
“And also go pick Henry up from school”, he finished as he left for a meeting.
I got down to the parking lot, and there she was … waiting. The new Bugatti Chiron.
I opened the door and took the driver’s seat. The fresh smell of the leather upholstery was already lifting my spirits.
‘Boss was right! I am perking up’, I thought to myself.
I drove around the block and stopped by McDonalds to pick up the usual order for me and Henry.
I felt a tinge of sadness when I could no longer see Stella at the counter.
Anyways, I picked the order and started my way towards school.
As I went past the restaurant, I saw an old jeep parked by the side of the road. I didn’t think much of it at that moment.
When I reached Henry’s school, I parked the car a few feet away from the entrance. A couple of minutes later, I noticed the same jeep I saw at McDonalds go past me and park 20 mts in front.
I would have never given it a second glance had I not spotted it at the restaurant.
The jeep had 3 passengers. They looked like bikers with tattoos, beard and long hair.
And then there was Kenny standing behind a tree to avoid detection. But I spotted him.
He was gesturing towards them to get ready. I could see his Harley parked just a few feet away.
They were planning some kind of ambush.
The school bell rang and the children were already out on the streets.
I could see Henry at a distance in the courtyard. He was slowly making his way towards the gate.
I immediately called him on the phone and told him to go to the Principals office and stay there. I made it clear under no circumstances was he to venture out until I gave him the all clear. He understood.
He was safe as long as he was within the school’s premises.
The next thing to do was move to another location. The children were already pouring onto the streets, and the last thing I wanted was to see a child getting hurt.
I started the car and went past the jeep before taking the next turn. I kept driving.
Few moments later, the jeep caught up with me and the driver violently swerved towards the left causing me to go off course. My car came to halt.
The guys quickly alighted from the jeep and they were all armed to the teeth.
Kenny came in his motorcycle and stopped his bike a few feet ahead of me. He took out his shotgun and had it aimed straight at my chest.
The firing started before I even had the time to react.
I instinctively ducked for cover with my eyes closed.
But in my heart, I knew my time was up!!
As the seconds went by, even with all those bullets being sent my way - my body felt strangely light.
‘Am I in heaven already?’ I thought to myself.
I slowly opened my eyes and tilted my head upwards to take a peak.
And I realized I was sitting in an armoured bullet proof car.
The entire biker gang were mad with rage, doing everything possible to penetrate that thick armour plate.
Kenny was barking orders at his gang to continue the onslaught. He then pointed his finger at me and yelled, “I am coming for you.”
I looked down at the seat next to mine and saw the takeout I had ordered.
Just to piss him off even further, I took out my Big Mac and slowly took a big bite.
I sat there in gastronomic bliss savouring my burger, while being under a continuous hail of bullets.
The firing suddenly stopped. Kenny the psycho was livid as hell - to see me have a good time.
I looked him in the eye while I took a sip of my favourite milkshake.
And then, continued to chomp on my burger.
He looked a little crestfallen at how his plan was misfiring and then frantically gestured his troops to keep at it. The firing started again.
But it didn’t last long. They eventually all ran out of ammo and his buddies began to flee the scene, as we could hear sirens at a distance.
The attack had taken a toll on the car. But it managed to withstand all that damage. All that firing.
A life saver!
I looked at Kenny again. Only one thought was running through my head now.
‘My Turn’.
I switched on the ignition and rammed the car straight into Kenny. He hit the bonnet hard while the car continued to race forward.
He was clinging on to dear life with his outstretched hands desperately clutching at the sides of the car.
Next in the demolition line, was his prized Harley Davidson.
I hit it full steam and watched it smash to smithereens - with parts scattering all across the road.
Then, I hit the brakes and Kenny was sent flying 10 feet forward.
After impact, he slowly staggered to his feet - all bloody and bruised.
His face was swollen like an apple.
He was pleading towards me with folded hands to show him mercy.
‘This is for Stella. And She’s lovin it’, I said out loud.
I hit the accelerator again.

Big Reveal: East Side Endeavor Health Center - Buffalo Rising
Endeavor Health is proposing a new behavioral health center at the corner of Broadway and Goodyear on the East Side. The two-story building will include 16,000 sq.ft. of space and surface parking for 45 cars.
The center will replace Endeavor Health’s existing facility located at 1131 Broadway which is outdated, undersized, and in need of substantial repair to continue in useful service to the community. Endeavor’s current facility provides 41,995 treatment visits per year with 2,870 adults.
Former Record Theatre complex ready for re-use (buffalonews.com)
Work by BRD Construction is nearly completed on the $8.4 million redevelopment of the former Record Theatre complex into a new mixed-use residential and retail project, with the first new apartments ready for rent as of June 1.
About 20 months after kicking off construction on the adaptive-reuse venture, the five partners from Common Bond Real Estate, Urban Vantage and Preservation Studios are finishing up their effort to restore and revive the buildings at 1786 Main St. and 1040 Lafayette Ave., which had originally been a car dealership when they were built in the 1920s...
Now redubbed "The Monroe," it will feature 17 workforce housing units, affordable for households earning less than 80% of the area median income, as well as 11,000 square feet of commercial and retail space.
Residents, Town Board clash over future Grand Island growth (buffalonews.com)
The latest skirmish in the long-running Grand Island warehouse war took place last week.
That’s when boos and cries of “shame” rained down on the Grand Island Town Board after a board majority rejected a new law that would subject massive warehouse and distribution centers to heightened scrutiny.
Residents had packed Town Hall to implore the board to pass the oft-debated zoning change, contending it was needed to protect them from the traffic, pollution and loss of green space inflicted by these large facilities...
D'Youville pauses construction of new med school building (buffalonews.com)
Just months after starting construction on a $175 million project to construct and open a new osteopathic medical school on Buffalo’s West Side, D’Youville University has called a halt to the work that was already underway as it considers whether to proceed or to abandon its plan in favor of a cheaper alternative...
Details on what had happened or why were not available, but financing problems appeared to be the culprit, as the cost of the project has soared because of higher interest rates, as well as construction, material and labor costs. But those have been factors for all construction projects for the past two years, yet there was no prior indication of any problem for D’Youville, until now.
Jemal lays out $4.2M plan to transform Main Street block wgrz.com
Douglas Jemal has detailed his plans for new apartments and facade renovations in several buildings on the 500 block of Main Street.
In a series of applications reviewed this week by the Buffalo preservation board, Douglas Development described a combined $4.2 million worth of work across three related projects and 515-521, 525 and 529 Main.
Two Homes Planned for Main/Woodbridge - Buffalo Rising
The site of a proposed apartment building at the northwest corner of Main Street and Woodbridge Avenue is now targeted for two single-family homes. Property owner Nick Giambra is seeking to split the parcel into two lots oriented towards Woodbridge Avenue. The change in plans comes after pushback from the Central Park Homeowners Association and to comply with deed restrictions on the site that only permit single-family homes.
(Note: I'd prefer main facing properties to have a larger footprint than a SFH, but at least these won't be empty lots much longer)
Financing for new MusicalFare Theatre in Amherst up in air (buffalonews.com)
The Amherst Town Board has reversed its decision to borrow up to $11 million to pay for a new MusicalFare Theatre building at the former Westwood Country Club, an abrupt reversal that leaves the fate of the project up in the air.
The move came after the borrowing received withering criticism from a group of town residents who collected enough petition signatures to put the MusicalFare bond up to a public vote.
Construction Watch: The Lawrence - Buffalo Rising
Work on The Lawrence, a Fruit Belt apartment building, is underway. Symphony Property Management is building the 132-unit apartment project on a site that fronts both Michigan Avenue and Maple Street at the edge of the Medical Campus.
(Note: I really wish this had a commercial street level component to it)
Developer sought for project at former Bethlehem Steel site (buffalonews.com)
With Ciminelli Real Estate Corp. abandoning plans for a new warehouse project at Renaissance Commerce Park in Lackawanna, Erie County is now putting the same property and more out for bid to other developers in search of another light industrial project to add to the growing complex along Route 5.
The Industrial Land Development Corp. – the land development arm of the Erie County Industrial Development Agency – is asking developers to submit proposals for the purchase and redevelopment of 23.73 acres at the former Bethlehem Steel campus.

Hi everyone
I am a 21 year old student who was in a 3 year relationship that ended abruptly two days ago.
Our relationship began in highschool and got off to a rocky start when everyone around me started gossiping about her cheating on her ex. I grew up in a household with a single mom who had been cheated on every single relationship. So I was deathly afraid of this happening to me. After months we came up with this agreement that we’d update eachother on snapchat whenever we were apart. And because we missed eachother we would also call at night when we slept.
After all those years this turned into what I think was my crutch to keep my fears away. The snapchats turned away from occasional talking to full day surveillance. The calling turned into a necessity, all day if we were apart, during showers etc. Whenever I saw something that set alight my paranoia I got extremely combative. For example if she hadnt sent a snap in an hour from the other, i would become afraid and fully believe that there was something going on. This then turned into me saying things like “if you treat me like this I wont be able to continue our relationship”. I now look at this and see that it is a threat of me leaving unless she did what i said. I saw it as me enforcing my boundaries and it seemed normal.
She also expected calls from me and would also get upset if I didnt update well, so I thought that this was just how we did things, every relationship had something weird or unhealthy they had to work on in my eyes. When I went to work she recorded herself so i could surveil what she did, and I was somehow so blind to how fucked up that is. And i sought therapy in those two years but had extreme difficulties in finding a psychologist. So these issues remained.
A couple of days ago, while she had a hard week with college, she broke down about everything to a friends mom. Who then informed her parents. While we were discussing the distribution of chores around our appartement, we were living together for 2 years now, her parents stormed in and scolded me for being a controlling manipulator. The dad got very verbal and the mother said something akin to “i dont know how i havent seen that my daughter was so unhappy here”. It blew me away, i never thought she was unhappy as we were having fun just the evening beforehand.
Now they keep her away from me and are blocking my number, telling her that my controlling behaviour outweighed any of the good i did. Like helping her out of cutting herself and abusing alcohol. They check her phone to see if she doesnt message me.
After they left I looked up if I was an abuser, and i can certainly see that i did things on the lists being unaware of what I was doing. I called helplines and spoke to as many people i could to help me and figured that i needed instant care. I will now have a team of psychiatrists and psychologists visit 3 times a week and will be admitted to a facility sometime in the future.
I do not want to be an abuser, and she wants to stay in contact but work on ourselves separately, i agree and i want to be better for myself. But i dont know how i feel with them keeping her locked down like this. its healthy for them to keep her away. But no contact entirely when I really want to change, i cannot fight to redeem myself it seems to me.
Am I a lost cause? Did I lose the best person in my life?
TL:DR: I made my girlfriend snapchat update me throughout the day as many times as she could and whenever she could. We called whenever we could, this meant also during showers or whatever private moment. I thought that us agreeing to this meant that was a ‘relationship rule’ that we both enforced. I thought that her also showing a same need for me to be available for a call when I showered or that I also update when I left that it was okay. Somehow I only see how fucked up this was now and feel extremely guilty and clueless as to how the darkest parts of me got me to lose her. Her parents found out and now she has been taken away.

Advise pls
My optometrist just called me because the ordered lens are backordered. The material Trivex is backordered. They are offering me an “upgrade” to High Index 1.67 free of charge and claiming is superior. My prescription is minimal and if High Index is better lens then I take it but I would like to ask your opinion pls. I do photography and need to be sure this lens material is indeed better and not worse.

I came across this cool Substack called Job Hunter Odyssey and had to share it with you all. If you're like me, tired of endlessly scrolling through LinkedIn only to rarely spot those high-quality startup jobs, this might just be your new favorite resource.
They send out a free weekly email with job listings in areas like data, analytics, engineering, design, and product. The quality of the jobs is really top-notch, which is a huge time saver compared to hunting through LinkedIn every day.
So, if you’re looking for something that cuts through the clutter and gets right to the good stuff, definitely check them out. https://substack.com/home/post/p-144679419?r=3vrfqf&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

So my girlfriend of 4 years told me that her brother’s wife (we’ll call her *Rain*) wants to have a conversation with me. I’ll try to make this as short as possible but with enough details 😭 sorry!
At one point me and my gf hit a rough patch, We broke up. I ended up moving away to another state for work. I went out with an old friend from HS one day and we slept together. A couple months later me and my girlfriend decided we were going to get back together and work on our relationship, I moved back. She found out that I hung out with said friend and asked if we had sex, I told her the truth. But I didn’t tell her how I went out to brunch with the friend days later, because she thought that she violated me and wanted to apologize. During the time of telling my gf I wasn’t thinking about the brunch because I was so focused on comforting her because she was really hurt about it. She ended up finding out about the brunch later on and was upset which is understandable.
Many months later the woman I had sex with texted me her location with a message telling me she’s moving overseas and wanted to see me before she leaves. This was around the same time I went back to town for a modeling gig. I never responded or saw her but my gf just assumed I did once she saw the message. She eventually said she believes me and we moved past that situation overall.
One day I reposted a Facebook post that said “Where’s the girls that like to go Fishing,Hiking & Camping n shii the ones that really do like nature and ain’t boujie??” *Rain* took a screenshot of it, sent it to my gf and blocked me on Facebook. She read that as if I’m looking for another girlfriend instead of actual friends…Because for some reason people think just because I dress masculine most of the time that I can’t be friends with other women 🥴. My gf confronted me about it I explained it to my girl what it means and she moved on from it. I blocked *Rain* on Instagram.
But recently my gf’s been telling me how *Rain* has been telling her to break up with me since she found out I had sex with someone else (although we were broken up). Now that we have a family trip planned where we will most likely be going to *Rain’s* home she told my girl that she wants to have a conversation with me to make sure I don’t have bad intentions and how it’s awkward because we have eachother blocked on social media. There was no hard feelings when I blocked her, after she sent my gf that screenshot I felt it was best to not have her on social media considering she’s causing unnecessary drama within my relationship and I never even had my gf’s brother on social media so what’s the big deal with having his wife?? When reading what she sent my girlfriend it comes off as if she’s going to try to “check me” about what I did she said “We’re gonna try not to be aggressive about it”. Although we weren’t together I still feel like I don’t owe anyone else an explanation for what I did except my girlfriend. I also don’t feel comfortable staying in their home anymore after discovering how *Rain* really feel about me. It totally seems like she doesn’t like me at all.
My gf’s ex followed her on IG the other day. My gf told *Rain* how we were both shocked and that I was “talking my sh*t”. *Rain* automatically read that as if I was going off on my gf about it, her response was “LOL she’s mad at you about someone you haven’t talked to in years 😑” my gf shut it down and let her know I was not mad and that’s not what she meant. At this point it seems like *Rain* has some type of *hatred* towards me. Every time my gf brings me up when they’re texting she’s saying something negative about me. But now that I think about it when I first met my GF *Rain* was telling her I was going to cheat on her, like she was expecting me to be a bad partner which is still odd to me because in the beginning my gf was the one getting caught up texting her exes so why did she assume I was gonna be the one to cheat or break her heart? My girlfriend told me she had to defend me on multiple occasions when people tried to put dirt on my name in the beginning which is weird because why were they saying these things?? (A friend said it’s because I’m very attractive and some people think attractive folks are “f*ck boys” 😂😐)
But anyways I don’t feel like I need to talk to her brother’s wife about our relationship problems or what not. I probably would feel differently about it if we were like kids in high school or if it was her parents but her sister in law? Not necessary. I also feel like it’s wild to tell someone to leave their partner who they want to be with after they told you how important their relationship is to them. It seems like *Rain* has been waiting for something to happen to try to convince my partner to leave me. I don’t understand how I would have bad intentions and/or what would be my goal in the end? It isn’t like I’m using my gf, she isn’t funding my life or anything remotely close to that so why would I stay with her after everything we’ve been through with bad intentions? My gf understands how I feel, she says my feelings are valid. She says her brother and *Rain* are just being protective.
How would you handle this situation? What is a mature way to handle a situation like this?
Thank you in advance!
i don’t know if this matters but for more context me and my gf has been living with each other since 4 months after getting together. We moved across the country together when we were 19. So we’ve always been very serious about our future and relationship together. Very mature when it comes to certain things, obviously we met when we were young so there’s a lot of situations we have where we have to learn from them and learn who we are and what we’re growing to be. if that makes sense lol.

There are some kinds of wisdom only great suffering can bring. I remember my time in the Bardo with this in mind, for otherwise, the memory might drive me insane.
The night my heart stopped for nearly three minutes started off normally enough. I was working as a nurse in the psychiatric ward at a hospital in the state’s capital. Most of the patients there were harmless, mostly just suicide attempts or people suffering from drug psychosis or severe depression, but some were actively dangerous and certainly psychopathic in every sense of the word. The new admission was one of these- a three-hundred pound black man with a long history of smoking PCP, schizophrenia and violent, psychotic breaks from reality.
His eyes looked like flat pieces of slate as I walked in for my shift. They looked as blank and emotionless as the eyes of a doll. He sat at the table in the front room where the patients ate or played cards, alone under the bright fluorescent lights of the hospital. I walked to the station, where another psychiatric nurse named Ricardo was sitting behind the desk.
“What’s the deal with the new guy?” I asked him. Ricardo looked up, his dark Spanish face forming into a deep scowl. He ran his fingers through his jet-black hair nervously.
“He’s trouble, man,” he said in a crisp accent. “He got in a chase with the police and then punched some cops in the face. It took three guys to take him down, even after he got maced and tased. The judge sent him here on a temporary court order, since he claims he’s been getting chased by Nazis in UFOs, and that’s why he ran from the cops. He thought the cops in their uniforms were actually the SS, and the helicopters were alien spacecraft, or something. I don’t know, I didn’t listen to the whole story.”
“You have his file?” I asked. Ricardo leafed through a stack of folders with his thin fingers, snatching one out and handing it to me. I looked down, reading the information:
“Jeremiah Brown, black male, 37-years-old.
“History: Polysubstance abuse, schizophrenia, antisocial personality disorder.
“Psychiatrist’s note: This patient has scored a 36 out of 40 on the Hare Psychopathy Checklist. While I am always hesitant to label a patient as an antisocial personality, a combination of factors has made it essential for this patient.
“Patient has an extensive criminal history as well as a lengthy history of involuntary psychiatric admissions. He has been diagnosed as having antisocial traits since he was a young teenager. Patient has a long history of violence and suicide attempts. He has a history of imprisonment for manslaughter, armed robbery, grand theft and aggravated assault. Upon discharge, he refuses to take any antipsychotic medication, citing the side effects as the reason. Long-term prognosis is poor…”
I had not been sleeping well the past few weeks. I rubbed my eyes as I read through the file, feeling exhausted. I tried putting on lucid dreaming or meditation music from YouTube to help me sleep, but whenever I closed my eyes, I saw horrible things: chalk-white female faces whose lips were cut into an insane rictus grin, flicking their heads violently from side to side and gnashing their fangs at the air. I had a feeling that many years of constantly watching horror movies and serial killer documentaries was catching up with me.
As I read through the file, a student nurse came around the corner wearing a white state university outfit and a name tag that said Kaitlyn. I looked up, seeing Ricardo wink at me from where he was sitting in his chair behind the main desk.
“She’s going to follow you,” he said. Inwardly, I groaned, but I managed to force a smile.
“Oh, great!” I said. She looked like she was probably no older than nineteen or twenty. She had a pretty body, but her face looked strange. All the angles were too sharp and her nose too large. I knew the patients here wouldn’t care, though. They would hit on anything. I sensed trouble. I looked down at my watch.
“Well, I’m Jay, and you already know Ricardo, I guess. It’s good timing, because we need to give medications every day at 9 PM. And we have a new patient, so we can introduce ourselves,” I said, giving her a faint smile.
“That’s exciting!” Kaitlyn whispered. I wanted to roll my eyes. It was definitely not exciting.
I motioned her to follow me as I made my way to the medication room, which was really just a large closet off of the main day room. I had to enter my code on a keypad, and then, once inside, enter it again along with the patient’s number and date of birth. The correct drawers for the medication in each specific dose would fly open, making it extremely hard for the wrong medications or doses to be given, unless it was done intentionally.
“OK, so for this patient, we need Haldol, Ativan and…” I began saying to Kaitlyn when the yelling started. It came out faintly, rising in volume and anger within seconds. I heard Ricardo’s Spanish voice, filled with panic. Something slammed hard against a wall, once, twice, three times, and then I heard the sound of glass breaking. I jumped, spinning around, but I couldn’t see much through the small, shatter-proof glass pane on the wooden door.
“Stay here,” I commanded, seeing Kaitlyn’s eyes widen, her freckled skin looking much paler than when we had first come in. “Don’t leave until I come back and say that it’s safe.” On the speakers strung throughout the hospital, I heard the first of the warnings echo out around us.
“Doctor Strong, Doctor Strong, please report to the seventh floor,” a robotic female voice said calmly, using the code for when a patient had to be subdued by force. I pushed the door open, slamming it shut behind me so that the lock would activate and protect Kaitlyn from whatever chaos was going on.
I heard Ricardo pleading with someone at the end of the hallway that ran past the main desk. He sounded strange, as if he were trying to talk through a mouthful of blood. Huddled behind the main computer, I saw one of the CNAs frantically whispering something in the phone. She must have been the one to call the Dr. Strong order.
“You don’t have to do this, man,” Ricardo gurgled faintly. I couldn’t see what was happening, as Jeremiah’s large body was blocking my view. I could see that the thick glass window at the end of the hallway was broken, however. My heart skipped a beat as I surmised what was likely happening.
I sprinted forward as quietly as I could, but the large man heard me. His massive body turned, his flat, dead eyes scanning me with absolute coldness and calm. I saw he had a bleeding Ricardo in his hands. Ricardo’s back and head were covered in deep cuts and shards of glass. He must have used Ricardo’s body as a battering ram to break the thick glass window. Jeremiah held Ricardo suspended halfway out the window, seven floors above the concrete walkways far below.
“Stay back, or this fucker will know what it feels like to fly,” Jeremiah said in a deep, gravelly voice. He shook Ricardo for emphasis, sending his head snapping back and forth with painful cracking sounds. Drops of blood flew from his nose and a deep gash across his cheek. Pieces of shattered glass littered the carpet, shining like countless tiny stars.
I put my hands up, taking a step back. Far behind me, I heard the front door for the psychiatric ward open. Voices echoed down the hall. Knowing that reinforcements were coming, I tried to buy some time.
“Let’s talk about this,” I said, taking a step forward slowly. “You don’t want a murder charge, do you? You’ll never see the sky again.”
“I don’t give a fuck! I’m not afraid to die!” Jeremiah screamed, pushing Ricardo onto one of the shards of broken glass still attached to the windowsill. It bit deeply into the back of his neck, sending fresh streams of blood rushing out, dripping down to the pavement far below. I heard security guards and doctors running down the hallway behind me, their voices frantic and excited. Jeremiah saw them coming. With an animalistic panic in his eyes, he lifted Ricardo up. I cried out something, stepping forward, but it was already too late. In horror, I watched as he threw Ricardo out the window.
I watched Ricardo’s body soar in a graceful arc, his arms grabbing at empty air as a scream ripped its way out of his throat. Within a fraction of a second, he had disappeared from view, but his terrified shrieking floated up to us for what seemed like a very long time. His screams ended abruptly as a shattering of bones and a wet smacking sound exploded far below us.
Jeremiah turned to me, his large body moving much faster than seemed possible. In his hand, I saw a piece of broken glass, five or six inches long and as sharp as a dagger. I tried to turn and run, but he was fast and strong. He lunged forward, his arm coming up in a blur towards my neck.
The shard entered my skin with a cold, numbing pain. I felt it slice through the flesh easily, felt the blood bubbling up my throat as I tried to scream, choking. The taste of iron filled my mouth as I fell backwards. I was suffocating, I knew. I must be dying.
Something cold ran down my body, gripping my heart like freezing, skeletal hands. The world swam around me and turned black. And then I was rising into a tunnel. At first, it was dark, filled with flickering shadows, but a fiery red light appeared at the end. I followed it, no more than a screaming mass of consciousness rising up into infinity.
***
I rose up through the end of the tunnel and found myself in an empty hospital ward. It looked identical to the psychiatric ward I had just come from. It even had the same smashed, blood-streaked window at the end of the hallway. A massive puddle of blood about ten feet away marked the spot where I must have died. But the fluorescent lights overhead here were flickering, and many had gone totally dark. The shadows seemed to press in on all sides.
The doors to the patients’ rooms were all tightly shut. I felt watched, afraid to call out or make any noise. I started walking down the hallway back towards the day room where the front desk was. All the lights there were out. A thick curtain of shadows hung in the air.
“You can come out,” a male voice as smooth as glass called from the darkness. I jumped, my head flicking in random directions, but I saw nothing. The voice almost sounded like it had an English lilt to it, a slight Cockneyed accent. “I know you’re there.”
“Who’s there?” I called out, not stepping forward. “Show yourself.”
“As you wish…” the voice hissed. “But I think you’ll regret it.”
***
The darkness split apart as if a nuclear missile had exploded. I raised my hand to shield my face, but the light and heat kept pouring out all around me. It blinded me, causing a rainbow of colors and shapes to morph behind my closed eyelids. After a few seconds, it subsided. Blinking rapidly, I squinted in the direction the voice had come from.
A male figure stood there, bathed in a silhouette of light. His face looked as white and as smooth as marble. His eyes were pits of darkness that seemed to flicker and burn. Two black, rotted wings surrounded his body, all sharp angles and thin, curving bones. His body was clothed in silky, blood-red robes, and a hood covered his platinum blonde hair.
He looked somewhat similar to Leonardo DiCaprio, if he was possessed by some ancient god, and it immediately threw me off-guard. If I was dying, and this was a hallucination of my brain, why would I be hallucinating Mr. DiCaprio?
“Who are you?” I asked, taking a hesitant step back. “Where am I?”
“My name is Lucifer, the Bringer of Light and Wisdom, and you are in the Bardo,” he answered.
“Oh,” I said, my heart dropping. “Well, that’s not good. Are you here to torture me or drag to me to Hell or something? You are that Lucifer, right? The Accuser of God and the Father of All Lies?”
“So they say, but, like most things in your world, the words of the powerful and your rulers are the true lies. They call me the Accuser, but of what am I accused?” he spoke in a voice that rose like smoke. “Of bringing knowledge and wisdom to humanity by telling them to eat from the tree of knowledge, the tree that would cause them to rise above the animals?
“Indeed, at the beginning, I saw the creation. I was there at the alpha, standing by the side of God with all the angels as the universe came into being. The endless procession of light, the power of it, was something remarkable to behold. God is, indeed, the source of great power, but his consciousness is not what the believers say.
“After the creation of the universe, I saw his plan, how he ripped eternal souls from the source to imprison them. I saw how he took these divine sparks and forced them, screaming and wailing, into bodies made of meat to die over and over again. He said it was part of the plan, the great, divine plan, a plan of death and destruction, constant suffering and mindless agony. And the worst part was, he wanted to give humanity neither the knowledge of good and evil, nor the tree of life. I convinced them to eat the fruit so they could open their eyes to their nakedness, to their basic animal existence, so they could rise up out of it forever.
“Like Prometheus, I brought down the fire, and yet they call me the Accuser? God was insane long before he formed the universe. These holy men, they live and die in fanatical adoration to a divine being who is, in fact, totally indifferent to them.
“His consciousness twists and distorts, eating itself for all eternity. God feeds off the pain of others, for if his mind is burning, then all others should burn as well. When these holy men die, God will send their souls here to the Bardo, to suffer every evil they have ever done. The wisdom I brought those who called upon me freed them from this prison, and in exchange, the holy men burned them alive. I offered the wisdom that opens your eyes, but it has been forgotten and cursed.”
Lucifer’s body began to dissolve, drifting up into the air like ashes. All around me, a low, powerful current blew, a tornado that spiraled high up into the clouds. Like some sort of Cheshire Cat, his smooth voice continued to echo all around me, even as the form of Lucifer disappeared.
“And yet, you have not the wisdom. For that, like all the others who enter the Bardo, you must suffer, everything you’ve done. Every small hurt and agony inflicted on others comes back a thousand-fold in this place, but don’t be afraid.”
“How could I not be afraid?!” I screamed into the ward, but I found myself alone, the question hanging unanswered in the air.
***
The lights continued to flicker all down the hallway. Feeling strange and dissociated, I stumbled over to one of the windows. As I gazed out, I beheld a strange and alien world.
The sky was flat and gray. It stayed in constant motion, swirling and spiraling, like clouds of roiling smoke. There was no Sun or Moon, no stars, only the strange, shifting whorls of clouds. The streets were filled with burned-out husks of cars and mummified bodies hung from streetlamps. Other signs of carnage and bloodshed covered the apocalyptic streets. I saw what looked like shadows in the shape of people slinking through over the sidewalks, past rotting dogs and streaks of clotted blood. They had no features on their blank, dark bodies. They seemed to skitter and jerk forwards in eerie, twisting motions.
Horrified, I turned away, realizing I was no longer alone in the day room. In the day room, there were dozens of tables set up inside a rectangular perimeter that was walled in by cosmetic walls only four feet high. It was where the patients sat and played games or ate.
Under the flickering lights, I now saw each of the chairs filled with faceless mannequins. Many were dressed in Victorian suits and tophats. The women had frilly dresses of pink and blue that might have been fashionable in the 1800s.
As the lights strobed on and off overhead, I realized with an increasing sense of disquiet that the mannequins were moving each time it went dark. When I had first seen them, they were mostly posed to look like they were staring across the tables at each other, even though they had no eyes, just smooth, flesh-colored plastic. Now all of them were looking directly at me. Some were pointing or raising their hands in my direction. At the tips of their fingers, I saw the glittering of steel. The lights continued to flicker, and the mannequins rose from their chairs in the short periods of darkness, moving towards me in synchronized, strobing motions.
Frantically, I ran down the hallway back towards the broken window. In each of the rooms, I caught glimpses of something from a nightmare peeking out. I hadn’t been sleeping well lately, and when I had closed my eyes, I often saw ancient hags with chalk-white skin and yellowed, broken teeth whose jaws unhinged, their faces jerking in stuttering, dissonant ways that reminded me of the mannequins. Now, on both sides of me, I saw these same figures. They moved continuously out of the rooms, drawing closer with every breath.
I looked back, seeing the mannequins only a few steps behind me. I continued sprinting towards the broken window where the hallway ended in a wall. I didn’t know what would happen when I reached it. At that moment, there was no rational thought. I felt like a deer being chased down by a pack of wolves, feeling waves of blind panic and mortal terror rushing through my body.
But as I reached the end of the hallway, the end of my rope as it were, a blast of noise started, seeming to come from the walls of the building and the sky itself. It sounded like a siren, a low, drawn-out drone of a demonic whale call, rising and falling in crashing crescendos. The mannequins froze in place once again. The strange, witch-like creatures slunk back into the dark rooms.
I looked outside the broken window, seeing clouds of black smoke rising off in the distance. The flickering of massive infernos scorched the land, drawing nearer by the second. The siren sound faded slowly, like the dying echoes of a gong.
I was surrounded by dozens of mannequins. Their sharp hands were inches away from my face and neck. I saw metal glittering all around me and realized they had the sharp points of nails protruding from the ends of their fingers. I was afraid to move, but I heard a familiar voice from down the hallway. It was the confident voice of Lucifer.
“The siren means much worse nightmares than these are coming in the Bardo,” he said, his glossy, black eyes flashing with intelligence. He walked slowly towards me, his face grim and pale. “Hell itself is coming over the land. This building is no more than a construction of your dying mind, but the world outside is real.”
“How can Hell come and go?” I asked, confused. “Isn’t Hell a place?”
“Hell is a monster, a beast with many mouths and many eyes,” Lucifer responded. “It eats constantly, but its hunger never ends. Look, the first of the sacrifices scatter like cockroaches.” He pointed out the broken window, pushing his way through the mannequins effortlessly. I glanced outside, seeing thousands of people sprinting down the dark city streets. The inferno and thick clouds of smoke had moved much closer, and every few seconds, the ground shook slightly, as if we were experiencing the aftershocks of an earthquake.
“What can I do against such a beast?” I asked, my heart freezing with terror. But when I looked back over, I saw his form dissolving again, becoming translucent and drifting away like ashes. It seemed even Lucifer didn’t want to be present when the Hell-beast arrived.
“Seek divine wisdom,” he said, his voice trailing off into whispers. “Remember the source.”
***
Now crowds of tens of thousands of people were streaming into the city, filling every single inch of the streets. Their panic and fear was contagious. I felt it rising inside my body like a snake spiraling up my spine. I took off down the hallway, running through the swarm of frozen mannequins, each in their own ferocious position of attack. The lights flickered faster and went out. Yet the fires outside cast the entire world in a bloody glow, giving me enough light to see by and find my way. I sprinted down the stairwell, taking them two steps at a time. The screaming outside grew louder and more pain-filled. The shaking of the ground worsened with every passing second.
I burst out of the front entrance, seeing a world on fire all around me. Thousands of crushed, bleeding and burned bodies stretched out as far as the eye could see. Behind all this chaos and death, I saw a monster of unimaginable proportions slinking its way towards me.
Lucifer was right, I realized: Hell was not a place, but a creature, an enormous monster the size of a town. It had thousands of skittering, jointed legs that looked like little more than skeletal arms and hands, each of them dozens of feet long and white as freshly-cut marble. Its body stretched out to the horizon, an enormous blood-red cylinder of bony plates that slithered and undulated with a serpentine grace. Waves of peristalsis traveled down its length, like writhing intestines. Thousands of curving, bony spikes stabbed out of it, pointing in every direction. Like the quills of a porcupine, it would protect the massive creature’s body from many forms of attack, if anything was big enough to attack such an abomination.
Hell’s massive eyes flickered, balls of fire that spun and danced. They looked as bright as the Sun. Something like solar flares seemed to emanate from the orbs, flashes of blinding energy that floated over the apocalyptic wasteland. As its many legs smashed the ground, they left trails of fire that caused everything to explode into flames as if napalm dripped from its limbs.
But Hell’s most terrifying feature was its seven dark mouths. Its body looked a thousand feet wide, and the mouths at the front were evenly dispersed. At the front, blood-red teeth in the shape of enormous railroad spikes shone. Its lipless, skeletal face grinned as it moved forward, shaking the ground with every step. The mouths were on long, snake-like necks that could stretch out hundreds of feet. They moved forward in a blur, snapping up as many panicked souls as they could.
Countless souls in the rocky plains of the Bardo ran for their lives, away from this juggernaut. I saw men and women who looked like they came from every country and profession, some dressed in suits or spotless white lab coats, others wearing rags or orange prison jumpsuits. And yet, they all screamed in agony and fear here, their bodies pressed together in a crowd, and no one seemed to remember anything but their own mortal terror. Their voices came out faint and weak next to the roaring of Hell. It shook the ground all around us, as if an earthquake were tearing the land apart.
The first frantic runners of the surging crowd had nearly reached me. The nearest person, a young woman in her mid-twenties dressed in all white, was only ten feet behind me. She looked like she came from wealth, and even from here, I could see a ring with a massive diamond gleaming on her finger.
I took off blindly down the familiar streets of the city where I worked and lived, but these also seemed different. The church down the street from the hospital where I worked had a Satanic pentagram instead of a cross now, its exterior painted a bright, gleaming blood-red. When I had driven past it today on my way to work, I remember it read, “JESUS said, ‘I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.’”
Now it read, “Nietzsche said, ‘Of all evil, I deem you capable. I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good simply because they had no claws.’” I wondered what that meant. Was that some sort of comment on me, on all of us here?
The woman I had seen running had caught up with me. She was fast, much faster than her slim body suggested. Her blue eyes were frantic and wild, filled with an animal panic.
“It’s right behind us!” she screamed, her face covered in a sheen of sweat. I was afraid to turn and look, but I could hear the chaos and bloodshed approaching, smell the flames and choking smoke. “Run! Get away!”
A new wave of energy surged through my body. I sprinted as fast I could down the strange mirror streets of the Bardo. I heard the agonized cries of countless souls behind us as the seven mouths of Hell ate them all greedily and then looked for more.
A skyscraper behind us collapsed into a pile of rubble, shaking the ground with a cacophony of falling concrete and shattering glass. The woman was running by my side. Just as I heard the breathing of something huge and predatory right behind us and smelled its sulfuric breath, a piece of concrete the size of a basketball broke off the collapsing skyscraper and flew into the road. I tripped over it, yelling as I flew through the air, skinning my arms and legs on the pavement. The woman’s eyes widened. Hurriedly, she came over and reached down her hand, trying to help me up.
“Come on, come on!” she cried. I looked behind her, seeing one of the gnashing mouths of Hell reaching forward on a blood-red, serpentine neck. The mouth was big enough to drive a tractor trailer into, filled with huge spikes of teeth. Its throat led into a black, smoke-filled abyss. Its fiery eyes were swirling pools of flickering orange light that shone with bloodlust and insanity. They focused on the woman, the entire head turning on its slithering neck.
I frantically raised my hand, intertwining my fingers with hers. Her hand was warm and soft. She started to pull me to my feet when the mouth of Hell snapped forward. Its jaw unhinged, scraping the pavement with a sound like grinding metal. The woman barely had time to turn as the mouth covered her and snapped shut with a crack.
She disappeared from view instantly, but I was still holding her hand. In horror, I felt warm rivers of blood explode all over my body as the mouth of Hell severed her arm at the wrist. She screamed, bleeding and crying, as she disappeared into the throat of Hell. Hell’s fiery eyes focused on me, and at that moment, I knew I was next. Its mouth opened wide again, like a bear trap ready to spring on a new victim.
It was dark in Hell’s mouth, but I smelled the thick reek of old blood and fire. I caught glimpses of tortured, mutilated bodies writhing and crawling down its throat. Shell-shocked, I could only lay there and watch. And that was when the strange doubling started.
***
I heard the frantic voices of men break through the fog of darkness and the fetid reek of blood. There was a mechanical beeping all around me, but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from.
“Clear!” one cried. I looked around, only seeing blackness. At that moment, I felt a surge of electricity rip itself through my body. My arms and legs all seized and my eyes rolled up in my head as the pain sizzled through each one of my nerves. I clutched the young woman’s hand tightly, feeling the large, gold ring with the massive diamond biting into my skin.
“Again!” another voice yelled.
“Clear!” the original voice cried. The electricity came again, and a flash of white light flew across my vision. I blinked, seeing from two sets of eyes at the same time: one in the Bardo, and one on the blood-stained floor of the hospital ward.
The Bardo stayed dark and sinister, but the clear white lights of the real psychiatric ward were blinding. It was a bizarre experience. Moreover, everything hurt. Over a few seconds, my vision of the Bardo faded, and I was simply a gravely injured man laying on the floor in a puddle of blood.
Four doctors and paramedics were crouching over me with a defibrillator. My shirt was ripped off, and nearly all of my skin was covered in blood. I raised my left hand, trying to talk, but only a fiery pain raced through my neck. I felt bandages covering my skin. A nurse was rolling a stretcher down the hallway towards me.
“It’s OK,” one of the doctors said, kneeling down. “You’re being taken to emergency surgery. You’ve lost a lot of blood.” I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t talk with the massive slice in my neck.
At that moment, I felt something in my right hand. I looked down, seeing a slim female hand with a massive diamond ring hanging there. Our fingers were wrapped around each other’s, but the hand had been cut off at the wrist. A ragged patch of bloody flesh and snapped bone poked out of the back.
“Nnnn,” I tried to say, shaking my head. I felt fresh streams of warm blood open up. “No…” The doctors looked down, seeing the dismembered hand. Their faces morphed into expressions of confusion and fear.
I closed my eyes as they lifted me up on the stretcher. One of them gently removed the cold hand from my fingers. But they could never remove the memory of what I had seen.
I know what happens after death, and it makes the worst life here seem like a dream. I know that, one day, I’ll be returned to that place. I know that, one day, I’ll see that great monster called Hell and the featureless, swirling sky of the Bardo again.
And the next time, I won’t wake up on a hospital floor, but will be trapped there with the others for eternity: an eternity of blood and fire.

My wife (54F) and I(52M) moved to a far southern state (US) from a northern state in 2020. Prior to that we would go see my mom on Mother’s Day or any other family holiday every year. Except thanksgiving. Bless her heart but her turkey was like eating an eraser and for 25 years I thought that’s what turkey was supposed to be. My ex-wife and I got her to come to us that day. I digress.
When my now wife and I moved down here it has become a thing that, at the start, we would do zoom calls or FaceTime, or Alexa our family calls. By family calls I mean the big ones; Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving. Any others were phone calls or face times scheduled always after 5:00 because of work and we are active on weekends. In the 4 years we’ve been down here it’s been like that. Family holidays are scheduled and individual holidays are a free for all after 5:00. (We live in the same time zone so that’s not an issue and we’ve made these calls at 7-8.)
So on Mother’s Day we were invited to a bbq at a work friend’s place where I was the cook. When it comes to bbq I am always the cook but whatever. I had everything planned out to the minute as to how long it would take and have time to call my mom. At 5:10 I had 10 minutes left and I would be done cooking and could slip off someplace quiet to call her when my phone rang. It was her. I stepped into the house because of the chatter outside but answered before I could. She asked what was going on and told her that we were at a friend’s house. She then got pissy and hung up on me before i could explain what was going on. I walked back outside and my wife could see something was wrong. I told her and pretty much everyone within earshot what happened and they were on my side. For them the show went on but for me I was on the fence. I wanted to call her back but she has a history of pulling these stunts and everyone told me to let it go. So I did. She texted me today and said she was hurt because I didn’t call her and she was hurt I didn’t call her back. I texted her back and offered no apology and told her what I was trying to tell her but she wouldn’t listen and hung up on me. I said I’d call her after work today. I did call and she didn’t answer. Where did I go wrong and am I TA?
TL;DR Mom and I have traditional calling times for holidays after 5:00pm but no set times except for the big holidays( Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving.) Mom couldn’t wait 10 min after 5 and called me, flipped shit and hung up on me and was pissed I didn’t call her back.

so yesterday my ex gf texted me to stop watching her exes tiktoks because it’s embarrassing for her.
….? i dont??? watch them???
i figured out its the feature on tiktok that allowes you to see who viewed you profile in the last 30 days and i probably did when i was looking at her followers.
well, whatever. i told her to give me the exes user so i could block cause i genuinely don’t know it. she laughed. i blocked her ex on insta(so i don’t get accused of watching her stories of smth) because its easier to find someone there and she texted „so you know the user since you already blocked her.” ????yeah, on insta not tiktok.
at the end she told me to fuck off because she doesn’t want to talk to me. the call is coming from inside the house babe. she blocked me after that.
it’s just weird that she couldn’t ask me like a normal person and had to go crazy like that.

I'd love some suggestions on how to further outsource household management. I'm a disabled toddler mom who WFH full time.
I've been struggling to manage chronic burnout since the push for RTO (i.e., awkward conversations about my WFH, RTO resentment towards me ("Oh! You're so lucky!"...if only you knew why I WFH...), microaggressions, etc.).
I was one of those people who absolutely thrived during the pandemic when knowledge workers were forced to work on a level playing field together. I even got promoted. RTO forced me to disclose, but I'm not open about it beyond documentation and leadership knowing. I'm of the mind that I owe no one my diagnoses nor an explanation.
I'm doing my best to hold on since the market is so tough. With that, I'm reaching out to see if there are any other creative ideas to take a few steps away from "surviving" to actually "thriving." I need more spoons for myself and my loved ones. Note that I do not have access to "free labor" from "the village" (i.e., no family or friends); everything must be paid for.
Things I've tried or do to recover from burnout:

• full-time childcare with evening supplement on particularly brutal days (e.g., 6+ hours of work meetings where I have to be "on")
• cleaning service for the parts of the home that are the most difficult to maintain
• minimal cooking (nutrition is great for my child; lots of convenience/survival snacking for me)
• asking for more support from partner
• blocking work calendar so that people schedule during core energy hours
• attempting to get enough sleep; never guaranteed with toddler wakeups or my own pain/issues
• intermittent wellness activities (yoga, mindfulness, attempted meetup socialization, etc.)
• financial management is fine; no overwhelm per se there with systems I've set up

I'm at a loss of what more I can "let go of" or "add" to get myself back to baseline. I've pondered part-time WFH (likely freelance) and part-time SAHM. From what I've read it's typical to experience the worst of both worlds and truly fail at both. I don't have the type of career where I can WFH without childcare, as my work is meetings heavy. Thanks for any thoughts.
ETA typo + context