60th birthday sayings

i asked my mom if i can get a tattoo for my 20th birthday, i’ve wanted one for years now. i told her i wanted a skull tattoo, specifically from cyberpunk. she then asked me if i was sure, saying “a skull tattoo isn’t ladylike”. i’ve dealt with her insulting me and putting me down for years bc of the way i present myself and how i feel comfortable in my body. can someone explain to me how a SKULL tattoo is not ladylike. it makes absolutely no fucking sense to me and it honestly just pissed me off. she’s constantly putting me down for the clothes i wear calling me a guy or a lesbian, making me so self conscious that i change my outfit. like i said before i’ve been wanting a skull tattoo for yearssss and i don’t want to get turned away from something i want just bc she has a weird fucking brain. can someone help me figure out how to feel about this?
i’m just so tired of hating myself and the way i dress, bc i do like the way i dress, it makes me comfortable but i hate when she looks at me and makes a face or insults me. not to mention we went grocery shopping and i got those gummy scooby snacks (BC THEYRE GOOD) and she says “you’re almost 20”. as if turning 20 means i cant get a fucking snack just bc they’re named after a kids show. always calling me childish for random shit. she tells me to “get over” my ocd and never even tries to help me. she notices when i’m depressed and in the years since i’ve been diagnosed has never asked me how i am or tried to really help or understand how i feel. she blamed me for her starting to smoke bc i was stressing her out when i was in outpatient program for my depression. she made it about herself and when i couldn’t control my emotions she called me childish. i was reacting like that (in a childlike manor ig, “stomping” sort of) bc she was making me worse than i already was and i didn’t know how to handle it. i felt like i wasn’t being listened to, bc i wasn’t. idk why she always has to put my down, i don’t do anything like that to her or anyone else. i don’t care what people do or wear or anything, but she does and she will always make sure i know it. she blows off every defense i say and will always resort back to me acting like a child and not a mature adult as if i’m not 19 years old. turning 18 doesn’t automatically make my fucking brain change. can someone give me advice on all this? i’m just so sick of it

My dad died when I (16f) was 7 and my younger siblings were 4m, 3m and 2f. I was 8 when my mom met my stepdad. He came to live with us when I was 9 and we all got along. I really liked how happy he made mom and one thing that really won me over was nobody called him our dad or told us he was going to be our new parent. To me he was more of a friend and to my siblings he was more of a parent. But I was older, remembered dad really well and didn't ever express an interest in having another dad.
Two years ago things started to change. My siblings all call stepdad 'dad' and adoption was mentioned. I have never called my stepdad 'dad' before and I don't ever introduce him as my dad. He's always been John. But I don't look at him the way my siblings do. They know about our dad, he's talked about, photos around the house and stuff, but to them John is the dad they know so they have a very different bond with him. And I think he's really good to my siblings and me and our mom and I know he was so happy when my siblings started calling him dad. It happened slowly but it happened.
My mom asked me a few weeks after the whole adoption talk started how I felt about John becoming my dad. I told her it wasn't ever going to happen. To me he's John. He's not my dad and I don't think of him in that way. My mom suggested I could "try out" calling him dad and see how it would make me feel. I told her I didn't want to. That it wasn't the relationship I have with John. A few months later while we were ice skating he asked me why I didn't join the conversation about adoption and I told him because I didn't want to be adopted so I didn't think it was a conversation I should jump into. He told me he would in a heartbeat and I said I know, but I don't want it. He asked me if he could do anything for me to want that and I told him honestly that there wasn't and I'd rather he just keep being John.
This stuff has become more real now and my mom has mentioned it to me a lot. Like she brings it up every few weeks. John sometimes makes comments about loving me as his daughter and stuff too and how he'd love to be my dad. My siblings all asked John to adopt them officially for his birthday last month and I chose not to be part of that. It upset my siblings. But when my mom and John saw my name missing from the question, it also upset them. It became this great big talk. My siblings told me we should all be adopted together and if they get adopted but I don't our relationship will be different. I told them I wouldn't see them any different but they said they'd see me differently because I don't want our family to be really real. My mom and John talked to me separately after that and begged me to reconsider. John told me he loved me so much and just wanted to be my dad too. But I still say no and now all these relationships have changed.
AITA?

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/XIdus1PkoRM
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When it comes to planning a special event, from weddings to milestone birthdays and everything in between, one of the first steps is sending out invitations. Invitation design card sets the tone for the entire affair, giving guests a glimpse into what they can expect and creating anticipation for the event itself. In a world filled with digital communication, there's something truly special about receiving a physical invitation in the mail. It's a tangible reminder of the upcoming celebration, and it serves as a keepsake that guests can cherish long after the event has passed.
If you're aiming for timeless elegance with your invitations, here are some classic designs that never go out of style:

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In conclusion, when it comes to creating elegant card invitations, timeless designs never go out of style. By incorporating classic elements like monograms, elegant script, luxe paper, timeless borders, embossed details, a timeless color palette, delicate accents, custom illustrations, traditional envelopes, and finishing flourishes, you can create invitations that are as beautiful as they are memorable. So, whether you're planning a wedding, a birthday celebration, or any other special event, choose invitation elegance that will stand the test of time.

Hi Reddit,
I'm a 35-year-old female, and I’ve had a close and supportive friendship with my best friend, "L" (female, 33), for nine years. Recently, our friendship has become strained due to her boyfriend, now fiancé, who disapproves of me.
I've been married for 11 years, which is not conventional. My husband and I are very supportive of each other and have different interests, so we don’t hang out often except for certain activities. His job also makes our days off different. We’ve had some rough times, but we’re working through them, and no matter what we are always looking out for each other and never stop each other from doing what we love.
Because of my chill, open lifestyle, and bubbly personality, L's fiancé views me as a negative influence on her. even thou i know her way before he did.
Her boyfriend has made derogatory comments about me, which she only mentioned after I pushed her to tell me what was wrong. L and I usually spend much time together because we work together and sometimes go to the gym or grab food after work. On weekends, we do other activities like beach or horse riding, and I had no issue with him joining us. However, after a few times when he joined us at the beach, where I met friends for football and paddle boarding, he started criticizing me and my driving skills and the routes I take. Soon after, he stopped coming with us, and L started acting weird. Eventually, I discovered he had called me a “hoe in an open relationship.” and claimed I did not respect my husband or myself because I was too friendly and attract men, which he thought would ruin his relationship with L.
This situation led to a heated discussion and a temporary break in our friendship. I needed to reconnect with myself, especially because she was always fighting with him whenever she was with me, making me feel like a burden. After a months, I felt okay and resumed communication with her, explaining why I needed a break. However, we significantly reduced our activities together (her choice i guess).
L tried to mend the situation by encouraging my husband and me to socialize with them, hoping to show our positive qualities as a couple. My husband refused after learning about her fiancé’s disrespectful behavior. Honestly, I wasn’t ready to socialize with a hater, either. Her fiancé’s controlling behavior goes beyond his opinions of me. He discourages L’s interests, like singing, and displays other red flags that she seems to overlook (which me & others has motioned) to which she fired back that we are not supportive.
Despite L’s efforts to defend our friendship against her fiancé’s attempts to drive a wedge between us, he wanted her to choose between him and me. She claimed she tried to keep everything that mattered, but I was wrong. After our break, we were good for the next six months, even though we didn’t hang out as much (4 times). Whenever we did, she would fight with him and leave early or without saying goodbye, just leaving a message.
My birthday was approaching, and every year as a tradition, L and I have dinner together to celebrate before having a party with other friends. Two weeks before my birthday, I asked her to attend dinner on Friday or Saturday which my husband was to plan for us, she agreed. Two days later, she asked to confirm if it was happening and where. I said I would let her know once my husband confirmed the plans (this is very normal as i inform her always 1 day before). She kept asking the same question daily, which was unusual for her. Finally, she admitted that her fiancé wanted to leave the city for a few days and needed to know if our plans were confirmed. I canceled so she could go with him, but they didn’t go at the end. and that didn't feel great for me.
A week before my birthday, I asked her and other friends to keep their Sundays open for a pool brunch my husband was planning for us. Everyone, including L, confirmed, and she even added, "Count me in +1," assuming I’d be okay with her bringing her fiancé. I was mad but decided to let it go for her. A few days before the event, she messaged me saying she might be unable to come because she had a minor surgery and couldn’t swim. I was shocked she hadn’t mentioned the surgery before and asked why she didn’t tell me. She replied that she didn’t have to tell me everything and that I didn’t need to come. I was mad and asked if it was because of him. She yelled, accusing me of not understanding how much I hurt her by taking a break and moving on, while she didn’t.
She blamed me and our friends for not being supportive, even though we had helped her in the past. For example, she lived with my husband and me for almost a year rent-free when she was jobless only for 2 months. Her fiancé had issues with most of our group despite our welcoming attitude. She kept making excuses and gaslighting us for not being there for her since she got serious with this guy. I listened and asked how I could make things right. She dared to say "I needed to apologize for taking a break to care for myself and moving on while she didn’t". I calmly refused to apologize for taking care of my mental health, knowing how much I had worked on myself. If she wasn’t okay with that, it was her issue.
She tried to be nice the next day, realizing she messed up, but I was a bit cold with her as I didn’t expect her to say those things, especially knowing how much I cared for her and what I had done for her. The day before my birthday, our friend supposed to pick her up before picking me up. When I came down, she wasn’t there. I asked my friend if she was coming, and he said no. I messaged her, asking if she was coming or not. She said yes, but later, as her fiancé wasn’t ready. We went ahead, and three hours later (the brunch is for 4 hours), they finally showed up. Her fiancé didn’t say a proper hello and started complaining about wanting to sit at a table instead of the poolside beds we had booked. Despite arriving three hours late, she had the nerve to ask me to move to accommodate him. I refused and suggested they sit at the table if they preferred.
I saw them arguing a few times, and she kept coming back and forth between the beds and the table. When dessert was served, I decided to join them at the table to be the bigger person. Her fiancé picked up his phone and didn’t speak to anyone. When he decided to leave, he gestured for her to follow him and walked away without saying goodbye.
That was the last straw for me. She seemed okay with his behavior as if it is normal, and there was no way we could convince her that he was mistreating her. I messaged her, saying I didn’t blame him but blamed her for ruining my day and trying to force us to adjust our boundaries for him. She didn’t acknowledge my message. And the next day, she sent me a message to remove my brother’s car from her parking (the car had been parked there for two years without issue). I removed the car and stopped all communication with her and blocked her everywhere. we work with each other, so we are keeping professional.
FYI: This guy has told her in a message that I saw accidentally. Quote his exact message: "you don’t deserve to be a mother if you associates with this people (AKA - any of us), as we have no values and brings only shame and “cockroaches” to her perfect relationship.
I am disappointed and feel sorry for wasting so much time and effort on someone I never knew, apparently.
I want to make sure that i will not look back. hence am asking advice if you think i wronged her in any way?

I turned 26 yesterday and spent my birthday alone in my apartment. I cried on the couch as my cat tried to eat crumbs from my turkey sandwich. This loneliness made me realize my lack of community and genuine connections. Growing up, I constantly moved, preventing me from maintaining long-term friendships. I attended elementary school in one state, middle school in another, and high school across the country. After high school, we moved back to the U.S., settling in a new state where I've lived ever since. I have no family nearby; my parents are four hours away, and my extended family lives overseas. Despite being here for years, forming a strong social circle has been tough. I did my prereqs at community college and then joined a dental hygienist program with only 24 students, who were mostly older and married. Being the youngest, I missed out on bonding opportunities and the "quintessential college experience," which I still regret. I find myself lamenting the loss of that chaotic time of life where you're supposed to have fun and do shit you regret. Post-grad, connections faded as everyone moved on. I work in a small practice now, limiting any real social opportunities. Seeing others with more grounded upbringings or traditional college experiences makes me envious, like my coworker in her 50s, who is still close with her sorority sisters and even goes on annual trips.
My only close friend from my program moved away post-grad. I maintain contact with a few long-distance friends, but I really only have two solid local friends. But they're married with kids, while I'm single and childless, so just very different life stages. We still have infrequent meetups, like lunch or a catch up at their house, around 1-2x times a month. I've tried planning varied hangouts, but they're usually busy with family commitments or just not interested in a different vibe, so I let that go. I don’t have friends for spontaneous plans like drinks after work, wine-and-paint nights, or to ask to attend a concert with. There’s no one I can just call to hang out or invite over during the weekends.
I've been single for a year, and even during my previous two-year relationship, I longed for my own friends and a sense of community outside the relationship. My ex's friends were welcoming, but they never truly felt like mine, and those friendships vanished post-breakup. I never heard from them again, which I expected, but it was still hard. Despite thinking those friendships were genuine, I always knew they'd end if we broke up. My ex didn't get why I wanted my own connections, saying his friends should be enough for me. Even while with him, I tried meeting new people. I connected with some at my boxing studio; we had a group chat, mainly for session times. Those connections faded when I left. I had a hopeful start with a neighbor from the dog park. She asked for my number and we texted about meeting for brunch. She canceled the first time, then didn’t show up for the reschedule. I waited at the restaurant for 15 minutes before leaving. Hours later, she apologized, explaining her boyfriend came home early and she wanted to spend extra time with him. I had ditched plans with my then-boyfriend and his friends, excited to meet her, and felt like a dumbass afterward.
Navigating my twenties alone just feels isolating, like I’m missing out on an exclusive party while watching from the sidelines. My life revolves around work, my pets, and the gym, but otherwise, my social life is non-existent. My phone is as dry as the Sahara—I don’t get any regular texts or calls. Everything is routine and mundane. I deleted IG to stop the comparisons. I occasionally use Snapchat to keep in touch with some old friends. Tried Hinge last month, thinking dating may fill the void, but quickly realized that's not what I’m looking for. I want fulfillment through platonic connections, not romantic pursuits. I just feel like a passerby in my own life, craving spontaneity and excitement, but everything feels routine and mundane. Admitting this is a bit embarrassing, but I just hope I’m not alone in feeling this way. Any personal anecdotes or advice on making new friends and finding a sense of community later in life?

Another post about my former friend. You know, the fact she treated me like shit is one thing. But another thing is that i got to see how she lives. You know what they say, right? Get some women friends. Yeah, this was a massive eye opener

• She had 6 ex boyfriends. And it's not like they were all awful. She just got bored with them. She also once bragged about having anal sex during a hookup. When we were hanging out, she talked about how she downloaded tinder after 4 months of being single. And it took her less than a day to get a date with this "fucking awesome man"
  
• She later said that she tried punching that guy in the face for no real reason other than her having a bad mood. Of course he got angry and left which she treated as a giant joke. "His loss, plenty fish in the sea". And yeah, she really treated guys as replacable cogs. And you know, she owes them nothing but they gotta put in the effort
  
• Yeah, zero respect for men. She got to complain about them all day. Nobody judged her for it. Men are this, men are that. Oh you know how men are. (Of course i was one of "the good guys"). Hell, she said that after every break up, she and her friend just tell each other how awesome they are and that the guy was an asshole and didn't deserve them. In the meantime she flipped out on me when i complained that women on tinder put nothing in their bios. This was the only negative thing i said about women, mind you. And it's not like i did it randomly. I said it after she told me to write my openers about women's bios and show them i am genuenly interested
  
• I once joined up and helped organise a birthday party she did for one of her gal pals. Just the fact that they organised it themselves. This was supposed to be a suprise. Everyone was buying some personalised gifts. Same when she was having a birthday of her own. Everyone was putting in so much effort. Meanwhile, on my birthdays i invite 20 people who give me an unenthisiastic "i'll see and let you know". Then they don't let me know and i have to ask them again. Then most people say they have something else to do and only 3 people show up at best. And i sure as hell don't get gifts.
  
• She didn't have a job. She spent all her time volounteering. Her parents paid for her. This absolutely didn't stop her from venting about how awful and hard the life of a woman is and that i have it fucking easy. Oh, and despite the life of a woman consisting of always looking for the signs of danger, she would get absolutely wasted at parties and go sleep over with dudes she just met
  

workers were supposed to come replace the windows of my (rented) studio apartment yesterday while i was at work. for this, i needed to move about half of my furniture to give them room to work and cover it up to protect from dust and debris.
the time frame they gave was 7-17, so i got up early to be ready at 7, even though i didn’t need to leave for work until 9. they hadn’t come in by the time i left, but they were working on the two neighbouring apartments, so i figured they’d get to mine later in the day.
fastforward ten hours, i get home from work. old windows are still there, and i have a note that says they’re pushing the work on my apartment until the next day (today) because of an accident. which is a problem for two reasons: 1) all my stuff is piled up out of the way, making most of my living space inaccessible for the whole night, and 2) today is my day off, which i intended to spend chilling at home, celebrating the birthday of my cat who recently passed, and putting back all the furniture i had to move.
well, nothing i can do about it. i spend the evening working around my piled up furniture and once again have to get up early this morning.
as if all of that weren’t mildly infuriating enough, guy finally comes in around ten, and tells me they are now missing one of my two windows. he didn’t say, but presumably they broke one in the aforementioned accident. regardless, he asks if i want them to install the other one today, or wait about two weeks for them to get the second one in.
since i had already moved the furniture in front of the big window, i told them to go ahead and get that one in at least so i can put it all back. so now i’m typing this sitting in a nearby park, quietly seething and waiting for them to get the really noisy part of the work done so i can go back in.
tl;dr window installers didn’t do the work when they said they would, thus messing up my whole schedule, and then were only able to do half the work when they showed up a day late

TLDR; secretly bought an engagement ring a year ago because my girlfriend wanted it, now she wants something else
My girlfriend has been very wishy washy about proposals/engagements. She is always asking "when are we going to get married" "I cannot wait until I am your wife!" "When is the proposal" Etc, but every time I try and sit down to talk with her about her actual marriage goals and expectations, or what she wants out of an engagement she freezes up and either goes on about something that does not really matter for right now, or has no opinion at all. I have asked her time and time again about just simple things like her gold colour preference or if she wants a diamond just so I can vaguely get an idea of what I need to look for, only to get no straight answer.
Well, she finally settled on an idea and told me about it and showed me some photos. I talked to her at length about what drew her to that style, why she preferred it, what were hard yesses and nos, and if it truly felt right. She seemed very excited by it all and so I quietly got to work behind the scenes and not long after bought the actual ring from the inspo pics.
It was a true vintage secondhand ring from a seller on etsy. I had to take it to a local jewler to get sized. I bought the ring in December '23 and had it resized this January and it has been sitting in my closet since. I wanted to propose in April but we had some life stuff going on so I waited. I have been planning to propose at the end of next month as we are taking a vacation to a spot that is special to her. I have been keeping this ring a secret for 6 months now!
And today she mentioned how she is "not so sold on that ring style I mentioned before". Oh. My. God. The panic that ran through me during our conversation. I hoped I did not let it show but I have been internally freaking out all day. She says she is not so sure if it feels right to her anymore and that she might want something more classic (it was a coloured ring so ""untraditional""). But she "still needs to think about it". I suggested we go to a jeweler and let her try on all kinds of different rings in person so she can gauge her style in reality, not just pictures. She had been asking about that style for about 7-10 months before I felt like it was a solid enough idea of hers to feel comfortable purchasing.
But Y'ALL?!?!?! Whaaaaaat am I supposed to do with the other ring I bought??? I logged into etsy today to see if I could contact the seller and ask about returning it even though I had it sized and their store is no longer active. I know I could take it to a local jewler and sell it for scrap but I would hate to do that especially since I would be losing so much. I was thinking about saving it and giving it to her as a future birthday or christmas gift. But now I do not know what to do!! I spent my whole budget on it! Now I have to either find a way to sell it asap or find a way to explain why I suddenly need to save for her (new 😫) ring when it was not an issue before. I am also scared that I am going to get a new ring just for her to change her mind again. Why does this have to feel so impossible 😭
(And for those of you that will suggest putting her in charge- we have discussed this. I have always said that she can design the ring and we will have it made under her instruction. But she wants it to be a complete surprise so I am not left with a lot of wiggle room lol)

It was my oldest son’s communion last weekend. We invited all family from 3 sides (mine, sons fathers and my partners). My partners brother messaged him two days before saying he couldn’t make it because he had a match at 2pm. The church was 10:30am. He said he had a work thing to do after the match and wouldn’t make it to the party either.
It’s my babies first birthday party Sunday which is my partners son. His brother is now asking us about plans because he knows there is a party. I don’t want him to come to the party because I think it’s rude he couldn’t make time for his step nephew but can for his blood nephew.
Do you think I’m in the wrong? I just don’t want there to be a difference in my kids with the people in their lives. Why show up for one and not the other?
My partner is also struggling deciding on how to approach his family about it for them to see just because my first born isn’t his blood doesn’t mean he’s any different to his baby.
Edit : also forgot to mention brother in law went out drinking on the Saturday night so could have made the party if he didn’t want to go to the church. The work thing must of been an excuse.

It was my oldest son’s communion last weekend. We invited all family from 3 sides (mine, sons fathers and my partners). My partners brother messaged him two days before saying he couldn’t make it because he had a match at 2pm. The church was 10:30am. He said he had a work thing to do after the match and wouldn’t make it to the party either.
It’s my babies first birthday party Sunday which is my partners son. His brother is now asking us about plans because he knows there is a party. I don’t want him to come to the party because I think it’s rude he couldn’t make time for his step nephew but can for his blood nephew.
Do you think I’m in the wrong? I just don’t want there to be a difference in my kids with the people in their lives. Why show up for one and not the other?
My partner is also struggling deciding on how to approach his family about it for them to see just because my first born isn’t his blood doesn’t mean he’s any different to his baby.
Edit : also forgot to mention brother in law went out drinking on the Saturday night so could have made the party if he didn’t want to go to the church. The work thing must of been an excuse.

Link to my original post:
https://www.reddit.com/Advice/s/BbMvrnrXv6
I (16F) have an aunt (59F) who has caused trouble in my family in the past, I saw her again 2 weeks ago, where she hovered over me and kept asking about my school work and hinting at asking the question if my mother was providing enough help to me. I answered her questions politely and she left, according to my mother (49F) my aunt made rude and intrusive comments all night to her and my aunts husband also was very rude. He actually ignored me and my siblings existence the whole night. Before we left, (I was trying to sneak out before this) she gave me a big hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek and told me to call her if I ever needed help with school while she side-eyed my mother. I felt like punching her the whole night, but I cooled off, the actual turning point in this story was my little sisters 12th birthday on the 9th. My whole mothers side of the family forgot it was her birthday, my sister being upset she didn’t get any birthday wishes from her aunts or cousins silently ate cake, picking at the plate. I decided to post on the family gc a photo of her with her gifts saying “happy birthday (my sisters name)” with some heart emojis. My aunt and her husband saw it immediately but didn’t say anything, no one said anything until my cousins started wishing her a happy birthday, then my aunts chimed in and the mean aunts husband sent a message then deleted it. One of my aunts, not the one this story is about called to wish her a happy birthday. It made my sister more happy. My aunt then wrote a vindictive post on Facebook about not respecting elders and tagged me and my brother in it. Point is, the gc message wasn’t directed at her and she posted it unprovoked, I don’t want anything to do with her, how can I cut her off without a family wide fall out?

My boyfriend and I had just reached a year in dating. Today we had the stupidest fight ever and it ended up escalating into something worse. The fight was that I said I was free in 10 minutes and about 30 minutes had passed by. He hearted my message and didnt text me anything. He then messages me if I fell asleep I said no and we called. I answered annoyed as I was waiting for him to text me for like an hour. He said he was the one waiting on me and started getting annoyed because I was "accusing" him of something thats not true. I apologized but he continued to give me an attuide. He said "I can talk to my woman however I want." And he brought up an old argument from almost a year ago when I didnt say I love you back when we were fighting. But hes done that to me plenty of times. Hang up on me and didnt say I love you, he literally did that today but Im the bad guy? Anyways he goes on to say I dont know if I can do this anymore and hangs up on me. He says to leave him alone, and I say I will but we are over since he just called it quits unless he wants to call and talk about it. He called me said he didnt want to breakup but goes on to insult me saying "Im a terrible girlfriend." I dont know what hes going through , but he refuses to tell me what hes going though. He said if I was a better girlfriend maybe I would know. He goes on to say I would be a terrible wife to come home to. We would fight everyday. He said "I just want a wife would will listen and do things that will make me happy and I will do things that make her happy." He goes on to call me stupid. He asks are you not smart or something. He takes it back immediately saying he just said it bc he was mad but he still said it. He goes on to say I dont want you there on my birthday etc. It just escalates. He is in finals week at university and an EE major. I know he's under a lot of stress but I dont think he has a right to take it out on me. I am also in college but at CC working on transferring. I am a CS major and I have my own stressors but never take them out on him. I dont know if I can ever see him the same anymore after all of this. This was the man I hoped to marry but now im not so sure. Should I just breakup with him?

I have really been struggling with the thought of my mom developing dementia. My grandmother, mom’s mom, had dementia in her late 70s/early 80s and eventually died from it. I helped my mom take care of her and it was a really traumatizing experience watching her decline. Now that my mom is in her late 50s, it’s truly all I think about. For context, I am a very anxious person in general with a major phobia of disease/dying (I.e. I once had a swollen lymph node and was certain I was dying of cancer). I have been terrified of my mother getting this disease since the day my grandma got dignosed and I am very hyper aware of everything my mother forgets. I love her so much and the thought of this disease is crippling for me.
My mom has always been a bit chaotic-brained, even when I was a little kid! I always joke she has adult ADHD/ADD (but she’s very organized so I’m not sure if that fits). She’s very hyper and energetic, like she’ll be cleaning the house then go play with the dog then clean the house some more then start cooking, etc. She’s always been bad with names and not great with dates like birthdays. She’s always kept a planner for things like appointments - for as long as I can remember! She occasionally misplaces her phone or leaves it somewhere, but always find it later. She occasionally will mention something important a few times (like we are going to so and so’s house for dinner tonight).
She still works, she worked in biotech for years, now she works “for fun” in the front office of a school managing attendance and in her free time she is a consultant for a biotech company. She’s very active, hikes all over with our dog (never gets lost), always having dinner with friends, doing workout classes, shopping, volunteering, etc etc etc.
What is truly upsetting me is that a few days ago, it was my grandpa’s bday - NOT her dad, my dad’s dad. His bday is may 11th. He was going to come over to our house on the 10th for lunch but he got sick and didn’t come. On the 10th at dinner my mom was like “omg, I texted him happy birthday today (the 10th) because I thought it was today!” Ok no big deal. We had a super busy day on the 11th, my mom did a workout glass in the morning, then we went on a long hike, then we went shopping, then she had dinner out with friends. On the 12th we had a busy day for Mother’s Day- did some yard work together, lots of shopping, lunch, etc Then we stopped by my grandpa and grandmas house for my dad to wish his mom happy Mother’s Day. We were all sitting in the yard having many random/slightly chaotic conversations. My grandma was talking about her neighbor bringing over giant cookies for Mother’s Day and then my grandpa started talking about the birthday cake he had. My mom asked “whose birthday was it?” and my grandpa said “mine!”. My mom said “omg, yeah, duh!”
This set a fire of panic in me that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. I’ve been crying and having a hard time sleeping and focusing at work.
Does this seem like dementia or possibly just normal forgetfulness from aging plus a really busy and chaotic weekend? I feel like I can’t breathe when I think about her saying this.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/XIdus1PkoRM
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We are pregnant with #2 due September We are wanting to move house to be closer to family for support
There may be a potential buyer. All cash. Wants us out by mid August as they are coming to the end of their rental
I suggested moving to our parents for a bit if we dont find a chain free house or contracts take longer.
BUT then remembered we have a dog. One my mum is allergic to. So we would have to stay at my in laws
My in laws aren't bad or monstrous or anything. They live 15-20 minutes from my parents. But since having my son they have become very grabby. Always wanting to hold him even if he wants to go and play. Reaches out their hands to take him from me so I can "rest". I dont fully trust them with feeding and they just hold him and sit watching overstimulating TV They brought him a cake on his birthday (depsite us saying not to) and personalised it saying its from them. Brought loads of decorations for it as well. My partner said its because his sister is useless organising and his mum has always done it for friends and family
I could always go with my son alone or even have a night here and there where my partner comes with to stay the night at my parents. Just means the dog will still be at in laws....
What would you do?
Alternatively it would be waiting for another buyer and we been on market for 8 weeks already. And would mean potentially moving with a newborn....

Chapter 1: the event
It was the fall of my intern year as I bean my off service trauma rotation. This month was ubiquitously notorious for being the most labor intrusive and least productive rotaion of our emergency medicine program. Knowing this I entered with the intention of simply surviving the month.
Another intern and I let’s call them A for sake of ambiguity, we’re the first emergency medicine residents to roste on the trauma services that year. A shaky start would be an understatement. In the words of chance the raper “like my grama with the Parkinson’s playing operation.” Would better describe it. Medically we did well. We were very competent and completed our work daily, but communication and coordination was non existent. Our Cheifs had informed us that Tuesday was our day of and the Trauma cheif residents had minimum communication with us, or our Cheifs as it seams when A and I did not report on Tuesday they sternly made their dissatisfaction known.
I have struggled with insomnia sense the age of 10. Had 2 sleep studies by this point in my life and been prescribed nearly every sleeping aid on the market. The 80-94 hr work weeks of our trauma rotaion only worsened my insomnia. My lack of sleep likely contributed to a less than prime adaptive immune system and 2 days out of my trauma rotaion I contracted strep like symptoms with associated nausea, requiring me to call for a sick day the next day. No the first day that I felt too ill to work. I was not fully aware of the reporting process. I reported to my Chiefs, but I did not believe I could come to work tomorrow with amble time and notice, however I was somewhat delayed in letting their Cheifs know, because the surgical chiefs rotated every few days and I did not know who my was going to be the next day. The second day which I had to call out sick I was able to locate the cheif for the next day and reprot according to our university’s protocol, which requires that if a resident feels they are not fit for work they must not come in and the university must have staff coverage without any fear or implementation of punitive actions.
I had finally survived to the last week of my trauma rotaion and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. What I could not see was the pile of stress, shitty diet, lack of mental well ness and sleep deprivation which I was pushing down to reach the light. By this time I had seen a psychiatrist regularly for sleep medication. I had mentioned to him that I had been experiencing more stressed lately and feel that I might be depressed. he reassured me that it was likely only due to my circumstances, given the difficulty of the trauma rotation and wish to reassess once the rotation was over. Looking back I had to fill the habit of drinking more than I usually do. My only on nights before I have days off became 1-2 beers every other night. All of this repressed unhealthy shit finally pushed bad on September 23rd. That night I was at work even later than usual, I stayed up later than usual and couldn’t seem to fall asleep. With the stress of only having minimal sleep and knowing I only had 2 more days of trauma left, I took an extra dose of my sleeping medication.
I opened my eyes to the fighting sight of sun beaming in my window and I instantly knew I was late. (Sense I hadn’t seen the sun in a month) . Due to my need for scrupulous sleep hygiene I have been sleeping with my phone of and away for me. I rushed to grab it and watched as the little Apple logo seamed to glow on the screen for an eternity. Then in conjunction with its fading I saw 3 missed calls from my director, a text from college A and 2 missed calls from the surgical director. Still, I was able to calm myself, knowing that resident A had been late to this rotation by a few hours 2 other days and nothing came of it. I called my director back and he asked me to report to his office where I was greeted by my director, my coordinator and another emergency medicine facility.
With the only explanation of: “we just want you to get better”, I was handed a letter, to my relief it did not entail my termination, but a declaration of administrative leave and a requirement to undergo an evaluation at a well known university in Florida.
Lake any other savvy millennial, I did my research. By research I mean numerous google searches and screeches thru the depts of redit. To my dismay I discovered that in order for a residency program to fire you, they must first initiate an administrative suspension. I would soon find out however, being terminated would have been a delightful outcome compared to what ensued.
I spend the next few weeks in the wallos of regret and depression. I indulged in higher qualities of alchohol then I ever have before. I all but ceased communing with peers, and abruptly stoped any physical activity I had once enjoyed. Frightened as I was I was ensured, it will be ok “we just want you to get better”
Chapter 2 The evaluation : guilty until proven innocent I did exactly as instructed and scheduled an evaluation, I supposed that this was either a mental evaluation to assess if I’m fit for work with plans of termination or it actually was an evaluation to better treat my insomnia. To this day I regret my ignorance, and wish I had researched the process more. The Hindi / sand-skrt idea of Hamsa 🪬 is that in order to do any good you must have full knowledge or else good intentions can result in harm. I truely believe my director had good intentions, however but him and I did not have full knowledge of the nature of this evaluation.
Looking back see how easily I could have avoided my troubles by asserting legal aid at this point or even by researching this evaluation process more in depth. If one searches impaired practitioner program which I now know this evaluator works for, the search entire will populate 5 or 6 layferms along side their home website and there is a valid reason for this.
If one every finds themself in this process I employ you to bring a DSM to your evaluation or at least be familiar with the most common use disorders in the DSM-5, because your evaluation will turn into a dance of questions where the evaluator attempts to trap you in a round about way to stating something that may qualify for one of the diagnosis. I have provided an image from the DSM-5 below outlining AUD, which the evaluator concluded that I had the most severe from:
Image
Example***** Here are 10 examples of how he fraudulently assessed me taken directly from his assessment note.

1. Evaluator: Have you ever stoped drinking in the last year.

Me: yes I stoped every week day, I was only drinking on the weekends, until two weeks ago.
-Evaluator uses stoping and starting every week to qualify for 2 or more unsuccessful attempts to stop in the last year “There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control alcohol use.”

1. Evaluator Have you ever had withdrawal symptoms

Me no
Evaluator Well Have you ever had a hangover? You know that’s a from of acute withdrawal
Me: yes in college, I had a few but that was years ago and I’m pretty sure the pathophysiology is different.
Evaluator uses this to count for withdrawal symptoms even tho is was more than a year ago

1. Evaluator: Have you even taken your sleeping medication on a day or night which you drank? Me: Yes, I took my prescriptions are prescribed but I never drank close to bed

Evaluator: qualified this as dangerous behavior with alcohol (where the DSM gives examples such as unprotected sex and drunk driving). The sleeping medication I was on is not a benzodiazepine therefore it is not deadly with alcohol. I personally have seen many patients in the ED who have taken their entire bottle of the medication and drank copious amounts, we just monitor them over night and rehydrate them

1. Evaluator Has anyone told you you drink to much or been worried about you Me: No I drink much less than my friends

Evaluator what about your girlfriend? Me: well she actually doesn’t drink at all she doesn’t like it. She often buys me beer for The Weeknd’s tho. One time we went to a movie and she got a little irritated because I waited for beer then complained about them not having any craft beer. So she said, “you couldn’t have just said no” and drank something else. However, she apologized after and said it’s worth waiting if it’s my only day off.
Evaluator said this qualifies for continued drinking despite causing significant relation consequences, ie divorce.

1. Evaluator : you have sleep issues I hear, and your chart says you’ve had depression in the past, don’t you know that alcohol can effect your sleep and mood Me: yes that’s why I never drink within 3 hours of sleep.

Evaluator but you knew this and still drank
Evaluator: qualifies for drinking despite unwanted physical or psychological effects (this should be recurring to effects the alcohol is causing, I have had insomnia sense the age of 10 long before I took my first sip)
7 evaluator you were late for work and told my you had a drink the day before
Me: Yes but I was late because I didn’t sleep and took double my sleeping meds, I will never do that again
Qualifies for 2 significant work or school issues in the past year ( a therapist and other psychologist ensured me that being late on or a few days doesn’t count they typically are getting fired or failing) ( moreover, this would assume I was late do to drinking it’s self and also assume if happened more than once)

1. • Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended

He never once asked anything related to this question yet said I qualified in his final report 9. A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain alcohol, use alcohol, or recover from its effects. The evaluators logic here was sense I was late for work and I had 2 beers the day before I must be taking long to recover from it (this is assuming I missed due to alcohol)

1. Tolerance drinking more to require the same effect: this he checked as true in his final note however it was never even discussed in our evaluation. I did mention to him that I’ve been drinking more than I had earlier in the year frequency wise, but they said nothing to do with quantity or needing more.
   
2. Wanting to drink so bad you can not think of anything else: this is the only qualification of SAUD my evaluator said I did not have.
   

Moreover, without legal help I was not aware that I could obtain a second evaluation or even oppose going to get evaluated at all, but that wouldn’t have mattered seeing I still thought this was for my health and wellbeing as seen when I was asked why do you think you are here to today, to which I replayed “so that I can be evaluated to see what is needed to get back to work”.
To maks the ordeal more infuriating the evaluator continues to ingratiate himself and lie through the process telling you, “it will be fine as long as you are 100% honest”, “anything you say in here is between you and me” or “you slipped up once with your meds, I know your residnecy program they will probably just want a few more out patient tests”
Two weeks later I received a phone call right before I left for an out of state vacation to visit my nice for her birthday. During the call I was informed that I would be required to complete a partial hospitalization program (PHP) lasting “6-10 weeks” which would coast from 15-50 grand not including doctor visits or housing which is billed separately. I suppressed this inconvenience, enjoyed my vocation and reported when I returned, knowing that I must complete this soon so I may return to work with due to the fact that my payed time off would soon be diminished. At this time I had not yet heard of the organization PRN.
Chapter 3 Guilty till proven innocent: The diagnosis
Shell shocked I arrived to a in patient psychiatric unit and was rapidly cleared to progress to treatment without detoxification. During my 90 day of forced rehabilitation I met a few other individuals who were unjustly and fraudulently forced into treatment. I began to look up to one of these such members of the men’s community, who I will refer to as patient X for ambiguity sake.
Unlike me patient X did have alcohol use disorder. He spent many clinic days drinking to avoid alcoholic withdraws. The curious component of his story is that he admitted his depravity, saught help and through his own journey became sober. The bodies at be, namely his local physician, Health monitoring program, rejected his personal path to sobriety and forced him to undergo 90 days of in patient treatment before he could practice medicine again. When he checked in to rehab he had been sober for over a year.
Ask for Stories of people from online
As for me I spend many sleepless nights pondering how consuming a legal substance in a moderate amount could throw me into significant legal financial issues. My labs my toxicology, my story and my collateral from colleagues from colleagues all indicated light to moderate alcohol use but my evaluators word stood as the word of God.
More frightening was the director of this rehabs acknowledgment of this. The director who happens to also coincidentally be the evaluator, stated to me as well as to staff on multiple occasions: “ I suggest inpatient treatment for everyone who is reported”. “This is safer for me not to miss anyone who could harm patients, and I figure there must be a reason someone reported them.”
I am still elucidating the reason why I was determined guilty and proven innocent, however I can say from my 90 day stent that the majority of the patients at this rehab needed to be there. This program is saving lives of both providers and patients, however it is destroying the lives of those wrongfully accused.
Chapter 4 your lisense rehab or jail : Upon arivil I was sent to a detox hospital underwent a medical examination and was “one of the lucky ones” who required no detoxification and could report directly to PHP. Like everyone else, I spent 90 days in a PHP, being as 6-10 weeks is simply a lie they tell patients to decrease the change of resisting the treatment. When discussing the topic one therapist sated “if we told patients 90 days they would never come.” She then attempted to justify the treatment by outlining the story of a patient she had called who “didn’t make it to treatment” and killed themselves”. It is my belief that it is not the lack of PHP which impelled such professionals to take their life, but them realizing that they now will be obliged to undergo 90 days of PHP, 5 years of PRN monitoring with a loss of autonomy and hundreds of thousands of dollars taken from them that induced their hopelessness. For even if these professionals were truly mentally unstable in their addictions, in every case it was only following a phone call where they were informed they must undergo treatment that they took their life’s. By this time I still haven’t the slightest clue what PRN was.
Despite the security these programs provide for many my 6 main issues with them can be summarized in : 1. Kick backs: evaluators are directors of treatment clinics 2. The reported are guilty till proven innocent 3. The price, the overflow of money these places drag in from both patients and state universities is appalling, they charge separately for every visit and test 4. Although they make the claim that they are individualized, they are anything but. Every patient gets the same stay and treatment from the doctor drunk on the job and the one who was late to a shift 5. They force voluntary treatment. remember that friendly evaluator who promised he had your best interest at heart, so you opened up and told him everything about your substance use/ developmental / family history, well if you don’t stay for 90 days he will be “normally obliged” to tip the board of medical off to you.

1. The programs have overstepped their intended jurisdiction. -these programs work well if they function how they were intended at their inception. Cite original purpose. Originally these programs were designed to protect physicians and civilians from impaired practitioners; being healthcare workers who were impaired at work. Over the years, these organizations have extended their authority to encompass individuals with substance use disorders When not at work and also those who are in training to become healthcare professionals. Take for example myself compared to a physician who is impaired at work. A doctor who arrived for duty under the influence would surely benifit from the extensive testing, therapy and accountability enforced via these programs. In accordance the 20,000$ per year cost is appropriate when only making up roughly 7% of their yearly salary vs nearly half of a residents. In my case with my loss of income from employment, coast of treatment and monitoring, this year I will be required to pay 20,000$ to work. Yes, I will be losing money to work. Even if did indeed have a substance use disorder this level of monitoring wouldn’t not be considered appropriate.

Dispite all of the miscomings of this System My time spend in PHP was indeed helpful, as I believe it would be for anyone. Time for exercise, a reprieve from work and weekly counseling. A sample structure of my day to day schedule is provided below for insight:
Structure The general structure of these rehabitation centers is as follows: 1. One week of orientation phase, where you are not allowed in electronics or contact with the outside world world. Therefore, if you’re going, bring some things you would like to read or study. 2. In phase 2, you can use your phone however you cannot leave campus. You must stay in the dorm on campus. These shitty 1 room run down apartments with two other roommates will cost you about $1000 a week, they are required for at least four weeks and they are billed separately, no insurance will help you out here. 3. In phase 3 you can commute to campus if you beg your therapist and live very close. Whether you’re on campus or living off-campus, you are allowed to leave up to four hours per day. If you commute, you’ll be required to take a sober link decide you must Breath, alcohol test into every 6 hours. Like everything else in this program you must pay for this separately, a few hundred dollars a week. You advanced to other phases by completing assignments, however, assignments are limited by required built-in time, intrusive, scheduling, and reviewing. Therefore, if you do everything as rapidly as possible phase 1 will take one week phase 2 will take three weeks.
Every day schedule:
7:30: wake up, report to the front desk to inform them that you haven’t ran away yet and take and prescribed medications. They keep all your medications and require that you report to take them; for me this was antidepressants in an attempt to dispel the depression I contracted from being forced into treatment and whatever off label medication they were attempting to treat my ADHD with, since control medications were forbidden.
8 am: community group assessments This consisted of other patients presenting their assignments amongst the large group, on the weekends this was often an hour later and 12 study regularly took the place of assignment presentation.
10 am: process group. This was a two hour group therapy session with 6 to 12 other professionals in a therapist and training or occasionally a licensed mental health therapist.
1 pm: recreation This was generally about an hour of some sober themed craft or activity. Once a week this time slot was used for yoga.
2 pm: this was another time slot used for patients to present assignments as well as for individual therapy sessions. Each patient had one individual therapy session lasting 30 minutes per week.
3pm: This was time allotted to work on assignments or go to the gym on your sex specific scheduled gym day.
5pm: this time was used for guest speakers or another 12 step study group.
6 pm : this was generally an off-campus 12 step group
10 pm: report to the front desk and let them know you still haven’t ran away and take and Medication which are prescribed to take at night, then return to your cot bed in your room with 1-2 other roommates.
I found the community to be one of the most beneficial aspects of the PHP program. I was in a cohort of chill ass professionals of the same occupation who were always there to help each other.
Assignments The curriculum of the PHP consisted of assignment based on every step of the 12th step program. Generally, a patient would be required to complete an assignment on their own, review it with other patients, then faculty and finally present the assignment in front of the whole treatment group. You’re only given one assignment at a time and there are multiple steps to each which all requires scheduling this ensures that no matter how determined a patient is a full 90 days of treatment is required to complete all the assignments.
AA structure -the obsolete nature of AA has been verified in numbers studies, but I will refrain from divulging here and lend that endeavor to Dr. Lance Dodes very thorough discussion on the subject,in “the sober truth “
In all sincerity, if I truely did have a severe use disorder this experience could have been life saving. I only wish I could have used my 50 grand for someone who has spent their life time In addictive without reprieve. My first conversation when I was given my phone back was how I wish my father could be able to attend this PHP.
Chapter 5 reporting and PRN Self reporting What they ask you What you should tell them
There’s a third-party agency called professional resource network. Every state has their own. This agency works as a liaison between you and whatever credentialing service your occupation requires. Essentially they ensure your monitoring after treatment. Stake governments and licensing boards trust them, mainly because they monitor with the highest level of intrusiveness. This alleviates much work for state governments and licensing boards because once an individual is being monitored by a professional resource network, then they are deemed appropriate for duty and no further investigation/litigation needs to occur, as long as the monitored individual completely complies.
Because I was never impaired at work I was never reported to this agency. The general workflow of things someone would report you to professional resource network, then the resource network would contact you, and then you would be required to report for an evaluation at a treatment center, which would inevitably result in a suggestion I’ve treatment at that given treatment center. In my case I was sent to the treatment center without PRN being involved. Thus, two weeks into treatment. I was notified by my therapist that I needed to call PRN and self report. I attempted to resistance given that I did not have a problem and was not individually seeking help. I asked what happened if I didn’t self report. I was told that in order to stay in the treatment program I had to report to PRN. This meant either I report to PRN or I get kicked out of the treatment program and lose my job.
When you report to PRN they will ask you why you are in treatment. They will then list off every substance imaginable, asking you if you have ever tried the substance and when your last use was. Ultimately, they will obtain your discharge information from your treatment center, so it is in your best interest to report only what was found in your biochemical testing. If it wasn’t in your hair, I would argue that you don’t have a use disorder regarding that substance and it’s not relevant. I don’t believe it’s important for them to know that you smoked weed when you were 12.
Chapter 6 The contract:
Before being discharged from a treatment facility, a professional resource network will have you sign a contract. A little known fact which I was oblivious to is that contracts can be negotiated. Though this isn’t it possible, it is highly improbable that you can negotiate your contract since PRN has a power to delay your clearance to return to work.
Contractor almost never personalized, and I have not heard of a contract which is not a five-year agreement. You will sign releases of information so that PRN has access to all of your information which was gathered at the treatment facility. You must have a therapist, psychiatrist, primary care, doctor, and a addiction, medicine psychiatrist. You assign releases of information for all of them. You will be required To commit to: 1. three mutual aid meetings a week which you must log. I log smart recovery meetings. 2. Weekly therapy sessions with an approved mental health therapist from their list 3. Monthly doctors appointments with an addiction medicine psychiatrist 4. Yearly appointments with a primary care physician 5. Monthly appointments with a psychiatrist 6. Daily check-ins on a random drug testing app ( you will agree to weekly urine tests, a peth test 4 times a year, a hair test twice a year and a little caveat that says anything else they deem, clinically reasonable) 7. Quarterly update reports which you are required to obtain from a workplace monitor, therapist, addiction, medicine, psychiatrist, primary care physician and any other doctor you are seeing. 8. You must upload all of your prescriptions into a mobile application every single time you get them refilled and are not allowed to take them until they are approved. 9. Attendance of a PRN group via zoom. This is a local group you are assigned along with other monitored practitioners. There is a fee of roughly 130$ a month to attend this required group. For me all of these requirements coast around 20,000 a year. If you ever have a positive test even if it is the result of contamination from rubbing alcohol or unintentional ingestion of alcohol/ allergy medication your contract will rest to 5 years from the time of positive test. Once your five year contract is completed, you must ask to be released from monitoring. At that point they will search for any reason to keep you under monitoring. This could be dilute urines, daily check ins or a week where you did not attend mutual aid meetings. Every certification and license which you apply for will likely ask you if you were under a monitoring program/ have been treated for substance use. You must give an explanation and check yes. As far as licensing programs are concerned, if you were under the monitoring of PRN, you are safe, however they group practitioners who have had behavioral issues with practitioners who were diverting drugs from work. Therefore, keep in mind that you will be labeled as a sever addict.
7 Back to work and only work. During treatment your only goal is to return to work, however when you return your experience will be drastically distinct from what you remember. For me, I was now working in isolation. Missing six months of my training meant that no other Resident was on the same rotation as me. My coworkers at all formed friend groups. When I returned I was greeted with much concern for my well being. No one would speak to be about my absence, however everyone knew there is only one reason a resident would leave for 6 months then return. My Accdeemic meetings were consisting of attending telling me “I have a target on my back now” and “ I have to preform even better than others” in the light of my time missed. If this wasn’t alienating enough, the majority of Resident events, sponsored by recruiters and my university revolved around alcohol to which I had to give some excuse to why I can not partake with others. I’m fortunate that I do not have an addiction, because these stressful conditions along with the daunting amount of dead and requirements imposed by PRN are enough to make any addict relapse. While I was at treatment, I was in the dative with Samyr stories a physicians whose addictions got the best of them. Physicians who did not make it to treatment, often taking their own life. These stories were presented as a warning. Your addictions will kill you without our treatment was the message. When, in reality I did not hear one story in which the addiction killed physician. Every physician who didn’t make it to treatment took their life after being told they must report to a treatment facility. Perhaps they knew what this entailed and it was not their addiction or getting caught which caused them to end their lives, but the unmanageable and often unreasonable burden that treatment would put on their lives.
9 How to escape So your fucked your in PRN and should be or you should and now your recovered and want to terminated your contract.

1. You ask to be released early done at 1/2 time ( good luck)
2. You have “good reason” (no one has ever been let out of contract because of this reason, the verbiage is far too vague)
3. You serve all your time and they let you out(maybe, as discussed earlier, they would do everything they can to keep you in your contract as long as your practicing)
4. You can’t practice medicine anymore

10 Layer up butter cup : I cannot emphasize the extent to which legal help is required in this process. You much seek it and seek it early. Lawyers can provide many avenues to you early in the process. Once you have committed to treatment, gone for evaluation or are in a PRN contract , this is very little that you or legal help can do. Spend a few thousand dollars when you are accused and save the 20-30,000 later.
After you have been evaluated if you disagree as I did, then this is the process you must undergo. 1. Hire a occupation, defense, lawyer 2. Prove you don’t have an addiction, this is done by having an alternative evaluator with similar credentials state that either you don’t have an addiction or that PRN’s level of monitoring is not medically appropriate ( this will need to be a multi day neuropsychological evaluation, which will cost about $5000). 3. Your lawyer must draft in writing that the medical level of monitoring is not required such as another medical professional and send this to PRN 4. PRN will tattle on you to the board of medicine. 5. The board of medicine will conduct an investigation. 6. At the end or when they believe they have enough reasonable evidence to the board of medicine will suspend your license or claim, you must comply with the PRN contract to practice. 7. At this time your lawyer will defend you in the state court against the board. This is costly but much less than the coast of a 5 year PRN contract 8. If you win you will likely suggest an alternative level of care such as gonna get therapy every week. If you lose, than you wasted a fuck ton of money and are still bound by your PRN contract.
Overall this entire process has coast me Over all coast:
My finances for this year only including PRN and rent are as follows:
120-200$ every week for testing 480-800/ month
65 every week for therapy 195/month
125 every month for PRN group
About 50-69 every month for 2 doctor apts
So at least 745$/month at the lowest
Treatment at the recovery center coast 20,000 for me out of pocket and
I wasn’t payed for 6 months with no FMLA because I am a first year. At the 1 year mark I will have made 26,000 this year after taxes And payed About 29,000 on PRN alone
Rent is 1,000 so that’s 12,000 a year
Just in rent and PRN alone I will be at 26,000- 41,600 -15,600.
I will be in debt by at least 18,000 at the 1 year mark
Coast of treatment center 20,000 (with insurance) For each year of PRN roughly 20,000 Add that to 6 months of attending salary which was delayed due to my treatment time: at least 150,000 Layer coasts along with other evaluations 25,000 Missing 6 months of residency pay 30,000 Coast of 1 year in monitoring: 245,000 Coast of 5 years 325,000
If my case progress to a trail I will require an extra 20,000 in court coasts
Chapter 11 My secondary eval: Dr sushi After I arrived at my treatment center I challenge my evaluation multiple times. Each and every time I was discharged and often accused of alternate mental health/ substance abuse issues to discourage my advances. I was never given the opportunity to undergo alternative assessment, however PRN guidelines state that you can obtain a second option within 7 days of your first. This is a mute point, however, because you will not receive the results of your evaluation until over a week after it is conducted and the second evaluation must be conducted by another PRN hired evaluator of their choosing. During my stay in rehab I contacted PRN multiple times to attempt another evaluation/ legal help. They warned against both stating they were a “waste of money” and “pointless”.
After completing my treatment with the guidance of many addiction, experienced physicians, mental health counselors and psychiatrists recommendations I sought in a secondary evaluation. I chose a highly qualified professional with over 30 years of experience to conduct an extensive neuo psycho social evaluation of me. One that I was sure would be more extensive than the evaluation I received at treatment and more importantly an unbiased evaluation.
The results from my evaluation not only showed that I did not have a substance abuse problem warranting PRN level monitoring, but also that PRN was falling to allow adequate treatment of other conditions such as my ADHD. My evaluation showed my ADHD was not only untreated by PRNs attempt at using non controlled medication, but also in the top 3% most severe presentations of ADHD. My evaluator went on to explain my results by questioning why my treatment center even mandated I undergo neuro cognitive evaluation. The only neurodiverse findings were my IQ, my dyslexia and my ADHD. However, a neuo cognitive examination can be billed separately by treatment centers, therefore they always recommend one.
Chapter 12 Amongst its greed, intrusive nature and faulty accusations, professional recourse network function highly proficiently at the task they were designed to; protective physicians and patients from physicians who are impaired at work. In this domain they save lives, offer second changes and protect the public. When they act beyond their intended jurisdiction by imposing unnecessary monetary demands on practitionersin training, accuse practitioners without proof or act on behavior exemplified outside of a work setting they unjustly and inappropriately attack the week and innocent.
Proposed reform: As a trainee my universities malpractice insurance covers me for mistakes made at work. If a learner mistakenly harms a patient, then the university stands on their behalf. If the learner does something wrong under a teachers direct guidance, then the teacher is at fault. This makes sense logically as well as pragmatically. The state entrusts large amounts of money to hospital systems and universities to train resident physicians. A portion of this money is allocated to malpractice insurance. This should extend to accused impairment.
Suppose a training university was required to cover rehabilitation and monitoring of a resident of whom they claim is impaired. Alternatively they have the option of firing the trainee. This would reduce the number of innocent trainees being accused of impairment, make the process of rehabilitation more fair and provide a better use for tax payer derived dollars, which hospital systems are given to train residents. The truly impaired could still seek help, less false accusations would be made and with the employers having the ability to fire at the moment of impairment, there would be less chance of impairment at work.

Okay, I'm honestly confused to a huge degree so maybe you can tell me where I went wrong and if and maybe why I ATAH.
Since my brother (34) accuses me of treating him badly, here is a caption of the most recent events and most important facts.
GENERAL ASPECTS

• we have a bad relationship since I'm about 12 (he was probably 15)
• we had heavy arguments full of insults and physical fights.
• when I was in my twenties he attacked me which resulted in permanent damage to my nose.
  
• since I moved out we're barely in touch
  
• he stayed mostly in his room when I visited (he still lives there).
  
• every year he blocks and unblockes me, leaves and rejoins the family group. This mostly happens after I text my mother about something I don't think is okay, for example that he took my stuff that were presents or that there were different standards for him and me.
  
• my mother witnessed him insulting and physically hurting me since were young but doesn't do anything and simply states that it hurts her to see our relationship being that bad.
  

THROWBACK SINCE DECEMBER

• two weeks before our grandpas funeral he told me I should not come over after the funeral.
• at the cemetery I told him to speak quieter since what he was saying was something that would cause him huge trouble. He insulted me as a result.
• on my birthday he was there despite me telling our mother several times I didn't want him there. He was surprisingly nice and even had a present for me. My mother pressured me to tell him about my pregnancy. He was nice to me from then on.
  
• my mother told people about my pregnancy and a few weeks later the gender despite me telling her repeatedly how important it was for me to be the one to share the news and experience the reactions. Therefore I let her know how very inappropriate this was and that I wasn't going to share any more information with her.
  
• I texted my brother and told him that I hoped he wouldn't behave as egoistic as she did. He blocked me and left the family chat.
  
• he unblocked me shortly before his bday, so I wished him a happy birthday. He replied "thank you".
  

NOW COMES THE CURRENT WTF MOMENT

• so this morning I see that he texted me last night.
  
• he was telling me there were two options: we'd be a normal family and acted that way or I'd keep on acting the way I do, in which case he'd stop any contact towards me and the child wouldn't have him as an uncle as it would be too stressful for the child. He wouldn't let himself get treated this way.
  

He did not tell me in which way I was treating him badly or in which way my behaviour was wrong. Mind you, I revealed everything that happened up front so I am honestly heavily confused.

• exactly one hour later he texted again, stating that he chose the second option as expected and then he blocked me.

I am honestly heavily confused so please help me out because my first thought was: wtf, is he completely nuts now? My second thought was: wtf are him and my mother talking about me that led to this? My third thought is: I am the one that gets treated badly repeatedly and never saw any apology. I am simply sticking to my boundaries and keeping a distance. So what am I missing here??
So... AITAH for the way I treat my brothefamily?
TLDR: my brother blocked and unblocked me constantly. After telling him to not behave like my mother and spread all the baby news he blocked me. Unblocked me before his bday So I wished him a happy bday. He then send me an ultimatum and decided for himself the answer. AITAH?

Hello! I’m a parent of an intelligent, articulate, strong willed, playful 2.5 year old. This will be his first experience with non-familial care outside of my home. We socialize a lot with other kids through music classes, gymnastics classes, and play dates with park friends.
We toured our school of choice in December and at that time one of the things I spoke with the director about was which class to place him in. He has a very late August Birthday, and will turn 3 just before the school start date on September 4th. I told her I was leaning towards the 3’s class because at that time he was preferring to socialize with older kids, and although I’m hesitant to say this to you all because I know every parent thinks their child is a genius/angel, he is VERY bright, and very articulate. She said I should really consider that 2.5 class as it has a smaller ratio (1:8, as opposed to 1:10). I was still hesitant, but reassured me that it would be very simple to move him to the 3’s if I changed my mind. With that reassurance, we were there bright and early on application day (first come, first served) and accepted into the 2.5 class.
Well, unfortunately in the 6 months since then I’ve watched my son blossom more and more and it’s become apparent to me that I should have stuck to my gut and gone with the 3’s. I reached out to her and told her I’d like to make the switch, and she told me that was fine, but I will move to the BOTTOM of the waitlist for 3’s while I maintain my 2.5 spot. I didn’t want to argue over the phone so I simply accepted this information placidly, but it seems really unfair to me.
I have to drop off a check to her tomorrow, and I would really like to ask her to be moved to the top of the waitlist. I didn’t dispute what she said at all during our phone call because I really want to be tactful and have a good relationship, but I feel this goes against her reassurances during our tour that a switch would be easy/simple. I also want to avoid my son switching classes during the year as much as possible because transition is no fun, so this is really important to me and I’m worried a lot about it.
How would you approach this conversation?

Hello! I’m a parent of an intelligent, articulate, strong willed, playful 2.5 year old. This will be his first experience with non-familial care outside of my home. We socialize a lot with other kids through music classes, gymnastics classes, and play dates with park friends.
We toured our school of choice in December and at that time one of the things I spoke with the director about was which class to place him in. He has a very late August Birthday, and will turn 3 just before the school start date on September 4th. I told her I was leaning towards the 3’s class because at that time he was preferring to socialize with older kids, and although I’m hesitant to say this to you all because I know every parent thinks their child is a genius/angel, he is VERY bright, and very articulate. She said I should really consider that 2.5 class as it has a smaller ratio (1:8, as opposed to 1:10). I was still hesitant, but reassured me that it would be very simple to move him to the 3’s if I changed my mind. With that reassurance, we were there bright and early on application day (first come, first served) and accepted into the 2.5 class.
Well, unfortunately in the 6 months since then I’ve watched my son blossom more and more and it’s become apparent to me that I should have stuck to my gut and gone with the 3’s. I reached out to her and told her I’d like to make the switch, and she told me that was fine, but I will move to the BOTTOM of the waitlist for 3’s while I maintain my 2.5 spot. I didn’t want to argue over the phone so I simply accepted this information placidly, but it seems really unfair to me.
I have to drop off a check to her tomorrow, and I would really like to ask her to be moved to the top of the waitlist. I didn’t dispute what she said at all during our phone call because I really want to be tactful and have a good relationship, but I feel this goes against her reassurances during our tour that a switch would be easy/simple. I also want to avoid my son switching classes during the year as much as possible because transition is no fun, so this is really important to me and I’m worried a lot about it.
How would you approach this conversation? Thank you so much, from one (elementary) teacher, to another.

My name is Helen, my friend is Hetty and we are both in our 50s. I have a daughter who lives abroad and Hetty has a son who works abroad and a daughter Shona, who is married and lives locally, and who is having a baby very soon. I don’t socialise with Shona, in fact, I very rarely see her, we send birthday cards, and buy each other small gifts. I have always found Shona to be difficult, she is fickle, and always seems to be at odds with someone in her circle of friends. Hetty and her husband, recently bought a new house and invited me and my husband Fran to her housewarming/ barbecue. When Shona arrived at the party with her husband, she said hello to the other guests but barely looked at me and my husband. I was a bit taken aback, but I know she can be difficult, so I ignored it. My husband and I only had a couple of drinks as we were going out early the next day. We stayed mostly in the house, Hetty and her husband mingled and Shona and her husband stayed mostly in the garden. My husband went up stairs to use the bathroom when the incident happened, I was at the sink in the kitchen rinsing some glasses, Hetty and Shona were outside the in the garden when Hetty said to her daughter “ you must ask Helen to your barbecue next week, Fran is working away, you have asked the others, so you can’t leave her out” Shona responded, “I will not be inviting her to my house” I couldn’t believe what I had just heard, before I heard what Hetty’s response was, my mobile started ringing so I had to move away from the window. When my husband came down the stairs, I told him what I had heard, but told him not to say anything. I made my excuses to Hetty, we said goodbye to the other guests, waved to Shona, and made our way home. I have gone over what Shona said, many times and I don’t know why she would say such a thing. As I said before, she can be difficult, but that was beyond rude. I have spoken to Hetty once since that night last week. She knows that something isn’t right, but I don’t know whether she knows, that I heard what was said. How can I carry on as normal with this friendship, after this? If I broach the subject, Hetty will defend her daughter as she has done in the past, even though she knows she has been at fault, and then it will turn into an argument. What do I do now?

Hi, I came across this post and it made my break down like I never before.
The post:
https://www.reddit.com/ADHD/s/MS5bhAEfof
I’ve always felt like I had a horrible memory, once I was at my friends birthday and someone suggested saying something we love about our friend or a couple of memories that I cherish with him. I started sweating cold, I could’t remember anything. I felt frightened. I started writing important event and moments and interactions with people because I don’t want to forget, it’s frightening to look at your past and retreive nothing, like nothing ever happened.
I feel like I could fully learn what “mean” in statistics mean and I would completely forget it after a while, and that applies to all concepts and knowledge.
How do you deal with that…. It’s torturing me.