So I’ve been struggling with what I thought was acid reflux. I’ve been trying to modify my eating habits, stop smoking, cutting back on my diet sodas, trying to do a seed oil free diet when cooking at home, taking melatonin before bedtime, and drinking plenty of water, taking vitamin C, and trying to not eat spicy food or fast food. Then I thought I had a dairy allergy because every time I ate ice cream or drank milk or ate pizza, I felt like I was going to pass out from being dizzy, and lightheaded. I started avoiding dairy. Well then I had an idea today, since I was avoiding dairy, and also had acid reflux, I’ll just take some tums to help with the acid reflux after lunch. I take the tums and everything got 10x worse with lightheadedness and feeling dizzy, almost like in a state of confusion or not knowing what’s going on or being aware of things around me. I’ve felt spacey, lightheaded, and anxious. Well this happened to me the other day and I thought it was acid reflux, but the other day I had taken calcium citrate for similar reasons (not eating dairy so figured I could use some calcium) and gotten a very similar result, so lightheaded like I was gonna pass out and a super spacey feeling all over my body. Could this happen because of a calcium intolerance? Or maybe too much calcium or too little? Why would calcium make me feel so weird?

Hello wonderful Redditors of the Assistance Subreddit.
With the dramatic increase in price for basic necessities such as food here in Montreal and with my disability payments changing from every two weeks through salary insurance to once a month through the long term disability option of the health insurance I get through my work, I have Ben struggling to make ends meet.
I currently have no food in the house and no money to go to the grocery store. While the end of the month is not too far away, I only get my check on the 31st of May, which leaves me worrying about how I'm going to survive the next 10 days with no food.
Due to my health conditions and due to food intolerances that are so severe that eating those foods can land me in the hospital for weeks, unable to even take a sip of water without throwing up, I can't rely on quick and usually cheaper food items like bread, pasta, and other gluten containing foods, as well as carb heavy foods such as potatoes, since I developed a low tolerance for carbs (high carbohydrate meals trigger my nausea and vomiting disorder (currently awaiting to do a gastric emptying study to determine if the current diagnosis of treatment resistant severe cyclic vomiting syndrome and idiopathic intracranial hypertension is actually gastroparesis)).
I am coming to you lovely people here on the assistance subreddit to humbly ask if anyone can help me purchase some groceries.
I have PayPal, and I can accept interac e-transfers and would even accept gift cards to the two grocery stores near me (Maxi and IGA) which I will link into an Amazon wishlist in the comments momentarily
Even if you are unable to help, id like to thank you for reading my request post anyways and wish you all a good day/afternoon/evening/night in advance

So I’ve done reading about the fact that allergies and intolerances can be inherited. I’ve also done reading about veganism leading to a depletion in particular enzyme production for digesting meat and dairy. Am I putting 2 and 2 together and getting 5 by linking this together and thinking that a baby could be born intolerant due to both parents following vegan diets long term? Including throughout pregnancy for context

Hello ABTF community!
I have used the calculator and browsed the wiki topics. I am coming to you now for your personal experiences and recommendations.
My calculator measurements: Underbust: 36"/34"/32" Bust: 40"/44"/40" US size result: 36DD/DDD UK size result: 36DD/E
I have projected breasts, in fact mine look almost *exactly* like the "Bust 30D - E" ones in the photo projection guide. (Link to the photo projection guide, NSFW)
According to this "full on top/bottom" guide, I think I have 2/5 "even" breasts, maaaaybe a 2.25 or 2.5 on top fullness, but definitely not as full as 3. The fit problem I tend to have is top spillover, but I think that's because I usually end up buying 36D instead of the bigger cup size that I need.
"But betteroffinbed, you are literally within one standard deviation from the average American bra size, why are you even posting here?"
Well! The combination of turning 30 and going through 2 years of basically living in pajamas during the pandemic has made "regular" bras essentially intolerable to me. I grew up in the Victoria's Secret Angels era of extreme push-up bras. Comfort be damned, as long as your boobs were perky and separated and pushed up to your chin. The messaging is deeply ingrained in my brain and I think I look like crap when I wear comfortable bras that don't provide much support.
Nevertheless, I wear sports bras most days. I bought True brand bras a couple years ago at Target. I love how smoothing they are on my back, but the fabric has stretched out to the point where they basically need to be retired from my wardrobe. My boobs fell out of the bottom of one when I was at a dinner once. Absolutely mortifying.
THE TIME HAS COME. I want to invest in a couple (new) high quality bras that ACTUALLY fit me and are comfortable and flattering. I would really like to have a bra that smooths my back, or at least doesn't cause huge rolls/folds. I'd also like one that provides at least a moderate amount of support so my breasts don't sit too low under my clothes, the way they do in sports bras. I don't care about colors or patterns.
I just want bras that I can wear to give talks at professional events, where everyone in the room is looking at me, and I don't have to worry about them noticing that my boobs are spilling out of the top of my cups. Are there online retailers that you've had good experiences with, that fit my preferences (no pun intended)?

In the beginning of the new vlog Elijah says he doesn’t give the kids whole milk but gives them oat milk because it’s healthier. ma’am these are babies who could benefit from the calcium/protein/nutrition content from actual milk as long as they don’t have any lactose intolerances. oat milk is not healthier for actual small children 😭 I had to stop watching

I've (34m) had a bit of a medical rollercoaster since early March that started with a mono diagnosis but has since been a whole chain of medical issues linked to that. I'm mostly better but a lot of my remaining symptoms line up with GERD (chest and abdominal pain, bloating, burping way more than usual, etc.). Also, for what it's worth, a lot of my daily foods were on the list of foods to avoid (caffeine, spicy food, and carbonated water in particular). Currently I have hypothyroidism (so everything in my body runs slower than usual) and taking levothyroxine once a day for that.
Did anyone have a similar start to GERD? I know it looks like I'm shopping for an answer but between my thyroid, medication, mono recovery, anxiety, allergies, stress, and bad air (burn season blows smoke my way this time every year) I don't know what to believe is causing every new ache and pain in me.

Hi all,
My girlfriend and I have been getting into Fallout 76 these past few weeks. We've been enjoying it so far, but I've been plagued with constant freezes of anywhere between 5-15 seconds every 2-4 minutes. It's been infuriating, making the game almost intolerable for me. I've been trying to research a solution any moment I've had the chance to. It's only now I've come across a solution that is working consistently for me.
Credit to u/Bobbylight20 who commented on their own post (Game freezes for 5-20 seconds consistently) back in March last year with a change to the Fallout76Prefs.ini/Project76Prefs.ini file that has worked for me. Figured it warranted a little bump as a post of its own for those that might be experiencing the same issues. I've included some more comprehensive details, as well as other things you can do to improve performance.
My Specs:

• Windows 11 (I've read a lot about people struggling with the game on Windows 11, and reverting to Windows 10 being the only solution. So maybe this is a potential fix for those specific use cases)
• Nvidia RTX 2070
• Intel Core i7-7700K @ 4.2GHz
• 32GB DDR4 RAM

The solution to intermittent freezes

It involves changing uGridsToLoad=5 to uGridsToLoad=3 in Fallout76Prefs.ini/Project76Prefs.ini. That's it, it's that simple. For those that don't know where to find the Fallout76Prefs.ini/Project76Prefs.ini file, it should be located in C:/Users/YourUsername/Documents/My Games/Fallout 76/.
According to fallout.fandom.com), uGridsToLoad "Determines the number of grids, the rendering around the player, loaded into the buffer, to display proper the vicinity."
It also states:

"Can be increased for reduced stuttering and improved visual appearance. Has always to be changed in odd numbers and together with iPreloadSizeLimit and uExterior Cell Buffer."

I haven't changed iPreloadSizeLimit or uExterior Cell Buffer and have experienced no issues. That's likely because the Fallout Fandom page linked above is based on Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas, so this statement in my experience can be ignored for Fallout 76.
What's the catch?
You're effectively reducing your view distance here, so there are definitely some drawbacks. You may notice more obvious popping/fading in of certain objects. Certain objects will have less detail (geometry and textures) until you're much closer. But in my opinion, these are drawbacks I'm willing to live with if it means a smooth experience.
I've put together a post over on Imgur to demonstrate some of these side effects, which I'll continue adding some screenshots to as I play. Note: in the process of finding a solution to my freezes, I have other attempted fixes in place (TexLite_512 and lowered graphics settings) so the side effects might look worse than they really are. I'll make a note in the caption on each image as to which optimisations I have in place.

Other things you can do (and I have tried)

Check out this great Improving performance on Fallout 76 Guide from u/joshg125. I won't go over every detail of course, so have a read over it yourself, but below are some of the things I tried, and still have implemented, for improved performance (averaged 94 fps during my last play session).
Unlocking/uncapping the frame rate

Set iPresentInterval=0 in "Documents\my games\Fallout 76\Fallout76Prefs.ini" - Which will uncap your FPS and disable Vsync reducing input lag.

Installing an optimised texture mod
Have a look at Tex Lite - Lightweight Textures. I believe there are others, but this is the one I ended up using. They offer several different levels of optimisations:

• TexLite_64
• TexLite_128
• TexLite_256
• TexLite_512
• TexLite_1K
• TexLite_2K

The lower the number, the more optimised (and worse) textures will be. I would recommend installing through the Vortex Mod Manager, rather than doing this manually.
Fallout76Custom/Project76Custom.ini file
joshg125 made another post, How to make Fallout 76 not feel like crap on PC (FPS cap and mouse fix), some years earlier which he references to in his newer guide. This post refers to making a Fallout76Custom.ini/Project76Custom.ini file which can be used to adjust more settings without effecting the core files. Again, I won't go into all the detail so go have a read, but I did use the Mouse Acceleration settings he provided.

[Controls] fMouseHeadingXScale = .021 fMouseHeadingYScale = .042 bMouseAcceleration = 0 

That's it really. Like I said, the big one for me was the uGridsToLoad value. That is what ultimately fixed my intolerable freezes, and now means I can enjoy the Fallout 76 experience. Hope this helps other Vault Dwellers solve any issues they might be experiencing. See you out there!

Almond Milk

1. Nutritional Content:
   • Lower in calories than dairy milk.
   • Typically contains less protein than dairy milk.
   • Often fortified with calcium, vitamin D, and vitamin E.
   • Naturally lactose-free and dairy-free.
2. Dietary Considerations:
   • Suitable for those with lactose intolerance or dairy allergies.
   • Fits vegan and plant-based diets.
   • Generally lower in fat, especially saturated fat.
3. Environmental Impact:
   • Smaller carbon footprint compared to dairy milk.
   • Requires significant water for almond cultivation, especially in drought-prone areas.
   • Concerns about the impact on bee populations due to commercial pollination practices.
4. Taste and Texture:
   • Mild, nutty flavor.
   • Lighter texture compared to the creaminess of whole dairy milk.

Dairy Milk

Nutritional Content:

• Rich in protein and essential vitamins like B12.
• Contains calcium and other vital nutrients naturally.
• Available in various fat contents (whole, 2%, skim).

Dietary Considerations:

• Not suitable for those with lactose intolerance or dairy allergies.
• Source of complete protein with all essential amino acids.
• Naturally contains more saturated fat, particularly in whole milk.

Environmental Impact:

• Higher greenhouse gas emissions compared to plant-based milks.
• Concerns about animal welfare and the environmental cost of cattle farming (land use, water consumption, and methane emissions).

Taste and Texture:

• Rich, creamy texture, especially in whole milk.
• Familiar taste preferred by many for drinking and cooking.

Sorry to those who are getting thyroidectomy’s soon, don’t want to discourage anyone from getting one, but for me, my story has been different.
My calcium levels are still low and I’m having to take a lot of calcium, being that I got my procedure done on the 19th of April. I feel tingly all the time and just exhausted.
I also can’t go to stores, restaurants, church, or in public without feeling waves of nausea. Doctors have given me small dosages of anxiety meds and anti nausea meds, but nothing helps. I don’t know why I feel like this. I don’t feel like my life is worth living anymore.
I truly believe my life was somewhat tolerable before. I could get through a day before my thyroidectomy without feeling tired/exhaused, now I just feel like shit. I wanna end my life sometimes. Not sure if anyone can relate.
Doctors also won’t let me take the Levothyroxine right now because I was slipping too far into hyper based on my bloodwork so I’m just chillin apparently without it. Could I die without it? Not sure. No one can tell me apparently.
I’ve tried ginger, eating before and after going out somewhere, different type of calcium, different foods, different medications. Nothing helps. Just feel depressed and in an impending doom where I cannot escape. Before anyone asks or says, “talk to your doctors!” Yes, I have. Definitely. They all have told me, “sweetie, you’ve just had a procedure it’s going to take sometime to recover” what the hell?? How is that supposed to help me lol. Anyway thanks for listening to my TedTalk.

Link to download app:
~https://rewards.cslplasma.com/referral/referral-unique-code/eyJkb25vcklEIjoiMDBEMjNEVSIsImNvZGUiOiJaVUxNSFhYVkNCIn0~
I have advice for new plasma donors who may be considering to try it out and earn extra money:

• Plasma is 92% water and the rest is mostly protein elements.
• The plasma is separated from your blood and your red blood cells are returned to you in cycles.
• Per FDA regulations, you're only allowed to donate plasma twice in a 7 day period, with a 48 hour wait inbetween those two times. Don't risk your health by hopping around to different plasma donation centers to circumvent these regulations, and you may get caught if you do.

1. Eat a meal high in protein 2-3 hours before donating, but your plasma protein levels depend on what you ate the day before.
2. Drink plenty of water and/or non-caffeinated juice before donating to stay hydrated.
3. Avoid caffeine such as in coffee or soda before donating or you may get nauseous and vomit or faint during your donation.
4. No alcohol 24 hours before, and for a little while after donating.
5. No exercising for at least 6 hours after donating as it can put too much stress on the vein.
6. Some people get away with smoking or vaping nicotine before and after donating, but it's recommended not to for 2 hours before and after. The nicotine can raise your heart's pulse rate.
7. If your pulse rate is 100 or above, you'll be able to do a vitals retake after a 15 minute wait. But if it's 100 or higher again you'll be deferred for the day. If your pulse rate is an issue, listen to "Pink Noise" or "Green Noise" at a low volume before donating which may help reduce your pulse rate, along with its effect on lowering your blood pressure.
8. There is a risk of getting a blown vein if the worker is having a hard time finding your vein when they're sticking you with the needle or if you have small veins. You may get deferred until your vein heals if that happens. But it's ok, your body is able to regenerate your veins with a process called Angiogenesis.
9. There is a risk of blood clots, but when your blood is constantly moving through the machine it prevents that from happening.
10. You may be subject to drug screening. The drug screening tests for methamphetamines, cocaine, and heroin. Certain pharma prescription meds may show up as a false positive so you'll want to let the plasma center know what meds you're taking. Testing positive for these drugs can result in a permanent deferral from donating plasma.
11. A sample of your blood will be drawn periodically to test for certain sexually transmitted infections (STIs). A positive test will result in either a temporary or permanent deferral from donating plasma. If you've ever been diagnosed or received treatment for HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis B (HBV) or Hepatitis C (HCV) you will be permanently deferred from donating plasma.

Donating Plasma with Managed Diabetes
Individuals with well-controlled diabetes can contribute to plasma donation, but certain criteria need to be met:
Absence of Complications: This means no existing diabetic complications affecting your kidneys, heart, blood vessels, or eyes.
Insulin Independence: If you rely on insulin for diabetes management, a three-month waiting period is required after using needles for non-prescribed medications. Additionally, you must be free of symptoms or treatment needs related to blood sugar fluctuations (high or low) for the past three months.

1. Healthy Feet: Active foot ulcers requiring medical attention will disqualify you from donation.
2. Steady Balance: You shouldn't experience dizziness or lightheadedness upon standing.
3. Type 1 Consideration: For Type 1 diabetics, eating within two hours of donation is mandatory.

• Wait a few hours before taking the bandage wrap off of your arm after donating.
• It's recommended to use Vitamin E oil/Mineral oil on the needle site for the puncture area to heal better. A Q-tip can be used to apply it easier. I simply dip the Q-Tip in the bottle, but never dip the used cotton back into the bottle.
• Frequently donating over a prolonged period of time may lead to your body having decreased vitamin D levels.
  
• Red meats are particularly high in the protein vitamins and minerals found in plasma.
  
• Personally, I take a Now brand Vitamin D supplement that contains vitamin D3, Calcium, Magnesium, and Zinc. But I only take a half a dose, 1 gel capsule instead of 2, since I get these from eating meats and other foods as well. It's bad for your health if you take too much of these vitamins and minerals over time. I also take an Iron supplement. I also drink a protein shake before donating. Just to be safe.
  

Link to download app:
~https://rewards.cslplasma.com/referral/referral-unique-code/eyJkb25vcklEIjoiMDBEMjNEVSIsImNvZGUiOiJaVUxNSFhYVkNCIn0~
CSL Plasma: Get 5,000 iGive Rewards® points ($50) after five donations for new donors! (Plus new donor bonus money) Using the CSL Plasma app! Code: ZULMHXXVCB Thank you!
Code: ZULMHXXVCB

I have been getting fantastic results lately with this probiotic strain and prebiotics. My wife and I were looking for ways of improving our gut health and I wanted to use a yogurt starter that had a range of cultures along with Lactobacillus bulgaricus. Specifically a befidus strain. Because making & eating yogurt is more fun than taking a pill! The starter I found (I will link in the comments) contains these strains; Lactobacillus bulgaricus, Bifidobacterium longum, Lactobacillus rhamnosus, Lactobacillus casei, Lactobacillus helveticus, Lactobacillus acidophilus, Streptococcus thermophilus. I also feed the fermentation with a prebiotic, partially hydrolyzed guar gum. The yogurt finishes very thick, I do not need to strain it. I use a fairly standard method for culturing. Method: (before adding milk, I lightly coat the inside of my pot with some oil, to prevent it from burning to the bottom of the pot) bring 3% milk to 180F hold for at least 10 minutes. Cool in water bath to 100F-110F. Stir in starter and 5gr of prebiotics/ liter. Put the mix into Mason jars and ferment for 24 hours. I always save 250ml in a smaller jar for my starter that I only ferment for 8 hrs. I use an instant pot to ferment. We go through about 2lt a week. I was worried about the flavour of the other bacterial strains but it is very tasty. The 24hr ferment causes it to be nicely sour but I am lactose intolerant and can only eat it after the long fermentation.

I have been getting fantastic results lately with this probiotic strain and prebiotics. My wife and I were looking for ways of improving our gut health and I wanted to use a yogurt starter that had a range of cultures along with Lactobacillus bulgaricus. Specifically a befidus strain. Because making & eating yogurt is more fun than taking a pill! The starter I found (I will link in the comments) contains these strains; Lactobacillus bulgaricus, Bifidobacterium longum, Lactobacillus rhamnosus, Lactobacillus casei, Lactobacillus helveticus, Lactobacillus acidophilus, Streptococcus thermophilus. I also feed the fermentation with a prebiotic, partially hydrolyzed guar gum. The yogurt finishes very thick, I do not need to strain it. I use a fairly standard method for culturing. Method: (before adding milk, I lightly coat the inside of my pot with some oil, to prevent it from burning to the bottom of the pot) bring 3% milk to 180F hold for at least 10 minutes. Cool in water bath to 100F-110F. Stir in starter and 5gr of prebiotics/ liter. Put the mix into Mason jars and ferment for 24 hours. I always save 250ml in a smaller jar for my starter that I only ferment for 8 hrs. I use an instant pot to ferment. We go through about 2lt a week. I was worried about the flavour of the other bacterial strains but it is very tasty. The 24hr ferment causes it to be nicely sour but I am lactose intolerant and can only eat it after the long fermentation.

This is my first Hobby Drama post in 8 months!. I am back with some more modern hobby drama! Usually, I write historical stuff, but wanted to change it up a bit :) Oh and prepare for lots and lots of carpentry puns!

Wood you look at that: Reality TV in the UK

When you think of reality tv, the words “trashy”, “exploitative”, “rigged”, usually come to mind. However, in the UK, another word comes to mind…
“Cozy”.
What do I mean by this?
Shows like the Great British Bake Off (GBBO), Antiques Roadshow, Sort Your Life Out With Stacey Solomon, Great Pottery Throwdown, etc. Shows that have a calm, relaxed, atmosphere, with a genial host, where the contestants are (for the most part) kind and cordial towards one another. However, as wholesome as these shows appear on the surface, they have their fair share of controversies. Especially the GBBO, which has a whole section on Wikipedia about its numerous controversies. Everything from issues with product placement, to contestant favouritism, to unfair elimination, production woes, leak of a winner, and even accusations of “racism” aimed at its “Nationally themed weeks” (a post for another time).
All of these issues pale in comparison to the controversy I am going to cover today. Also, unlike the show I am going to discuss, the GBBO has survived every controversy that plagued it. After 13 seasons, it is still running strong.

Chop Chop Chop: What is the Chop?

Announced in June 2020, The Chop: Britain’s Top Woodworker, was a show unsurprisingly about carpentry. It was originally planned to air on the Sky History channel. Sky is a British broadcaster.
Here is the full description:

Hosted by comedian Lee Mack, TV Presenter Rick Edwards and Master Carpenter William Hardie, The Chop: Britain’s Top Woodworker sees 10 of the country’s finest carpenters gather in Epping Forest to whittle, carve and chop their way to the final, to see who will be crowned Britain’s Top Woodworker and the chance to stage their own personal exhibition at the prestigious William Morris Gallery in London.
Master Carpenter William Hardie oversees the construction of a grand and spectacular cabin in the woods, adding a new room every week, each on a different historical theme, including Nelson’s cabin on HMS Victory, a Victorian pub, a Gothic bedroom, a Georgian hunting lodge, and a 1960s’ Mad Men-inspired lounge.

It followed a standard reality show format. Every week, someone wood be eliminated until a clear winner emerged. Viewers had a lot to look forewood to. Hopefully the show would be able to carve out its own niche. Okay, enough would puns. I know you’re all on-board.
Like most British reality tv shows, The Chop had a comfortable atmosphere, with friendly presenters that would engage in ribbing with one another and the contestants. Here are some early trailers for the show: one and two. The show was filmed pre-covid lockdown.

Mack, 52, said: “It’s quite ironic that everything was filmed pre-lockdown and pre-Covid and yet most of the contestants spend most of the time with a mask on, because it’s woodwork.
“So people will watch it and go: ‘Well they’re obeying the rules but Rick and Will aren’t’, but actually it was filmed a long time ago – this time last year.”

So, the winner was set in wood, long before the first episode aired. If you want to know more about the contestants, I found their official show biographies.
The focus of this writeup will be a guy named Darren:

Name: Darren
Age: 40
From: Bristol
Occupation: CarpenteJoiner
Background: Darren has been working in woodwork since he left school, he loves the variety that each day brings. Darren has two children and loves building them wooden items. His favourites were special beds and wardrobes he made for his children which included LED lights.

Meet Darren: Aka “The Woodsman”, Aka “the-Bloke-With-All-The-Tattoos”.

Early on, out of all the contestants, Darren was hyped up as a potential audience favourite:

It remains to be seen which of the contestants, seven men and three women, will become the viewers’ favourite, although Darren, a furniture maker from Bristol, is an early frontrunner.
Nicknamed ‘The Woodman’, his entire face is covered in tattoos and he’s not averse to making controversial statements.
‘He’s quite a character,’ says Lee. ‘We met him again at a photo shoot recently and he’d had more tattoos etched on top of his other tattoos, which I thought showed an incredible level of commitment to the cause.’

His tattoos became a key part of his marketing for the show. This was reflected in his character trailers, as well as in interviews about the show.

Darren is probably one of the show’s most striking characters, due to the fact he is very heavily tattooed – even on his head and face.
He started having his head and face tattooed around 10 years ago.
“I had other tattoos already,” he said.
“But about 10 years ago I saw someone with facial tattoos and started to work with my tattooist on my look.
“I have my daughter on the back of my head and my son on my cheek.
“When some people first meet me they are a bit shocked, admittedly.
“But they soon warm to me after a few minutes.
“Some people ask for selfies with me. I’ve never had a negative reaction to my tattoos. They are just me.”
Darren says his appearance on the show, since the trailers have gone out, has prompted people to recognise him.
“I’ve already been stopped by people who have seen the adverts.
“No one went on the show to become famous.
“But hopefully it will come across on the show that I’m a bit of a character.

There was another difference between Darren and the other contestants: he had prior experience with reality tv.
In 2007, Darren (without any tattoos) starred in “Dumped”, a show in which 11 contestants lived in a garbage dump for three weeks, in a shelter they constructed from discarded rubbish.
Darren quit after three days. He said he did it because he didn’t believe in the aims of the show

Not all the participants were convinced. Darren Lumsden, 27, owns four cars, only recycles because his rubbish would not be taken away otherwise, and throws away his pants and socks at the end of every day. He left the dump on day three. "With me it's a bit like the smoking ban – I'll only be green if I'm forced to be." Lumsden also says rumours that some local authorities only recycle half of what goes into their green bins reduce the incentive.

He also told fellow contestants: “I don't believe that what we are going to do is going to achieve anything. If I don't believe in it I won't be doing any good for myself or other people.”.
Well, he certainly achieved something with his next reality tv appearance…

On the chopping block. The controversy

The first episode of The Chop aired on October 15, 2020. Shortly afterwards, some viewers noticed certain...things about Darren’s tattoos. Certain numbers and symbols…were linked to white supremacy.

“Darren appears to have these two on his face 88 = HH = Heil Hitler 23/16 = WP = White Supremacy There's also: 18 = AH = Adolf Hitler 1488: a reference to the so-called 14 words, coined by white supremacist terrorist David Lane.”

Darren also had a sig rune on his nose…the SS symbol used by the Nazis.
Sky History was criticised by historians and antisemitism groups.

After the trailer for the programme was aired, historian Dr Elizabeth Boyle from Maynooth University in Ireland said she had seen "at least five recognised Nazi/white power tattoos".
The Campaign Against Antisemitism group also criticised Sky History, saying it had made "a terrible mistake" by including a contestant "adorned with what appear to be neo-Nazi tattoos without providing serious evidence to show that the tattoos mean something other than how they appear".
"These tattoos will be plainly visible to viewers on the show, including younger viewers, which is unacceptable," it said.
"If Sky History is indeed 'intolerant of racism' as it claims, then it must urgently provide a credible clarification or remove the contestant from the programme."

They were quick to respond, and initially defended Darren:

"Darren’s tattoos denote significant events in his life and have no political or ideological meaning whatsoever.
"Amongst the various numerical tattoos on his body, 1988 is the year of his father’s death.
“The production team carried out extensive background checks on all the woodworkers taking part in the show, that confirmed Darren has no affiliations or links to racist groups, views or comments.
“Sky History is intolerant of racism and all forms of hatred and any use of symbols or numbers is entirely incidental and not meant to cause harm or offence.”
“While we further investigate the nature, and meaning, of Darren’s tattoos, we have removed the video featuring him from our social media pages, and will not be broadcasting any episodes of The Chop: Britain’s Top Woodworker until we have concluded that investigation,” the statement said.

The media contacted Darren’s old boss, who had some interesting things to say about his former employee:

Logically also contacted Jon Hyams, a former employer of Darren’s who runs a company in Bristol building staircases. Jon said that Darren, who worked for him in 2008, was a “good kiddy,” with no ties to the far right that he could remember, though he thought he had “gone off the rails a bit” since then. He also said that Darren was always very keen to become famous and had participated in an earlier reality TV show on Channel 4. Darren was partial to a tall tale or a bit of exaggeration, according to Jon, who said that the comment about his dad’s death should be “taken with a large pinch of salt”.

Jon was right. Darren was a liar.

The aftermath. If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does anyone actually care?

It took the Daily Mail (a notorious rag) less than a day to track down Darren’s father and interview him:

The father of Sky History's The Chop contestant Darren Lumsden today declared 'I'm alive' after the channel claimed he was dead to defend his son’s Nazi-style tattoos.
But today his 66-year-old parent revealed he was very much alive - and living in a smart three-storey house in Bristol, not far from his carpenter son.
Trevor told MailOnline: 'I'm here aren't I?' I'm alive and kicking so I'm not dead yet.'
Darren's father has short term memory loss after a serious motorbike crash more than 30 years ago.
He lives in a shared house and has support workers popping in to help every day.
The father added: 'I haven't seen Darren for some years, I didn't know he had tattoos over his face or that he was going to be on TV.
'But if they are saying I'm dead I'd like them to know I'm not.'
Trevor, originally from Stockton-on-Tees had two sons, Darren with his former wife Gail and Wayne from another relationship.
His support worker, who didn't want to be named, said: 'I've never seen either of them and I've been looking after him for 10 years.
'Trevor has short term memory loss after a brain injury in a motorbike accident but he remembers his two sons.
'He's a lovely man and very much alive.'
Sky History today thanked MailOnline for highlighting The Chop contestant Darren Lumsden's apparent lie about the origin of his controversial tattoos.

Woah. It seems Darren is kind of an asshole.
Following this 💣, Sky History quickly cancelled the show and shelved the rest of the episodes. The Chop had been…well, chopped.
Thankfully, for carpentry fans everywhere, it didn’t take long for another woodworking show to fill the void left by The Chop’s abrupt cancellation. Handmade: Britain's Best Woodworker started airing in 2021. Its third season aired in 2023.
And that’s all I have to say about The Chop.
(I might write about The Great British Bake Off next!)
If you want to read more stuff I have written, here is a link to all of my writeups!

Reddit Account: u/Dejurewaffles1066
Discord Tag: Garin
Name and House: Ellyn Moore
Age: 25
Cultural Group: Valeman
Appearance: Of middling height and red hair, Ellyn has spent the last four years in constant training and increasingly eschews the courtly manners she was taught in favor of a direct and frank mode of speaking and acting, thoroughly disillusioned with subtleties and empty flattery. Her eyes can be rather intense and seldom evade contact.
Trait: Brave
Skills: Swords (e), Two-handed weapons (swords), Brute, Errantly
Talents: Weaving, Fishing, Hawking
Negative trait: N/A
Starting title: Scion of house Moore, Cavalier
Starting Location: Greyhelm
Alternate Characters: Dorian Merryweather
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Biography:

For house Moore, like many other houses of the Vale's sheltered interior, Aegon's conquest was rather unremarkable. They went to bed one evening as subjects of one king and woke up as subjects of a new one, without the old one having gone anywhere either. Ellyn was the third child of Lord Berrick Moore and his wife Sybelle Wydman. Ellyn would be their only daughter. Lord Berrick went on to play a minor role in the campaign against the Root Father. The stories of the menace in the mountains inspired many a youth at Bronzespear to want to take up arms themselves, Ellyn among them.
The tapestries of andal knights, fearlessly facing their enemies with gleaming greatswords captured her imagination already as a child, and she began training beside her brothers. They were fairly accepting of this, and so Lord Moore let it slide as long as Ellyn did not skip other lessons for the sake of training, however when the Cavaliers were formed, it would not be many years before his daughter began to speak of joining, in hushed tones at first but ever more loudly as time went on. When she turned sixteen, Ellyn asked for permission to join and was promptly shut down. Instead Lord Berrick took his family on a visit to Snakewood, where Ellyn was introduced to the heir of the house, who had become her betrothed by the end of the visit. her betrothed did not come accross as a cruel or mean-spirited man, yet he was also not particularly strong-willed, a fact which would later become painfully aparent
Soon after her eighteenth nameday, Ellyn married the heir to House Lynderly, moving to Snakewood. Three things quickly became obvious to Ellyn. Firstly, even as a man grown, her husband had few opinions of his own, preferring to hear the verdict of his parents and adjust to it. Secondly, the maester in House Lynderly's service had little knowledge of medicine, and somehow even less of how to practice it on women. This fact became clear from the third revelation, she was already with child, probably since her wedding night. This was celebrated as a sign of good luck and the blessing of the gods. The final outcome would prove a hellish ordeal. The labor would become a protracted affair as Ellyn struggled. Something was clearly wrong, and the maester was utterly clueless in regards to a solution. By the time the idea of cutting the child out of her was being proposed, the impasse finally ended and her daughter was born, as if by the Mother's much belated mercy. At this point a hedge-maester was called in, ostensibly as assistant to the Maester of Snakewood. In practice, the dornishman named Marcel took over her care, and his clueless colleague was happy for an excuse to leave the room. He would stay to nurse her back to health, a process which took more than three months.
By then the warning signs were already showing. Leyla, her daughter, could not even look straight at someone, her gaze constantly shifting and her pupils often turning in opposite directions. Ellyn requested that Marcel stay at Sanekwood to monitor the girl and the Lynderlys obliged, their maester being no more skilled in treating children than women. At age one Leyla was not learning to walk, and struggled to even crawl or lay still. The Lynderlys assumed the child to be dim-witted, an ill omen. Furthermore, even a year after the birth, Ellyn's cycle had not returned to normal, becoming infrequent and irregular. For two more years she and her husband were urged to try to produce a suitable heir, unlike their daughter, however Ellyn proved incapable of conceiving another child. She was increasingly left to her own devices, and began to take up her old swordsmanship again, a way to remind herself and those around her that she hadn't died that night, even if her in-laws increasingly seemed to treat her as such.
Meanwhile Marcel continued to monitor Leyla's condition, unconvinced by the analysis of Snakewood's regular maester. He eventually concluded the condition to be palsy, and that the girl might eventually learn to control the spasms of her limbs, fashioning straps that would limit the movement in her arms and legs, allowing her to begin to practice moving them deliberately rather than involuntarily.
By 21AC, the Lynderlys concluded that divorce was the solution to their plight. A wife incapable of producing a fit heir could be set aside, and so this was Ellyn's fate. Her husband had not leapt at the opportunity eagerly, however as his parents argued the necessity he protested it less and less. He offered Ellyn and Leyla a place at his court after the divorce, but Ellyn rejected it, unable to stomach how the court seemed to treat both her and her daughter as functionally dead, a sentiment which had started years before the divorce itself. Instead she took her unwanted daughter and made for the Gates of The Moon and the Cavaliers, bringing Leyla with her. Marcel would accompany her, intent on continuing Leyla's training. As the years went by, the girl slowly staggered to her feet, beginning to walk with shambling steps and speak with a ragged voice. Meanwhile Ellyn resumed her own training at arms, using up her anger by throwing it into her training, regaining the strength of teenage years that already felt like a lifetime ago. Rather than ruminate on what the gods may have meant by it all, she sought meaning in the people around her, her companions and her family, not any house.
Family Tree:
Berrick Moore (Father, b.30BC)
Sybelle Wydman (Mother, b.27BC)
Lucan Moore (Brother, b.5BC)
Harmen Moore (Brother, b.2BC)
Martyn Lynderly (Ex-husband, b.1BC)
Leyla Lynderly (Daughter, b.17BC)
NPCs:
Berrick Moore (55), General
Lucan Moore (30), Huntsman
Timeline:
1BC: Ellyn Moore is born
6AC: She begins training with her brothers
15AC: She asks permission to join the Cavalliers, but is instead arranged to be married to the heir of House Lynderly
17AC: Ellyn marries Martyn Lynderly and gives birth to her only daughter, Leyla, by the end of the year. The labor is long and difficult, and she is saved by the intervention of the hedge-maester Marcel after the maester of Snakewood proves incapable of helping.
20AC: It becomes clear that Leyla is afflicted with palsy while Ellyn is no longer capable of conceiving. Martyn Lynderly's parents begin advocating for a divorce to allow House Lynderly to have a healthy heir by another lady. Ellyn begins practicing with a sword again
21AC: The divorce is finalized. Ellyn is offered a place at court by her former husband but instead takes her daughter with her and joins the Cavaliers. Marcel joins her
21-25AC: Ellyn trains as a Cavalier while Marcel gradually teaches Leyla to move more independently and speak. Ellyn and Marcel accompany the leaders of the Cavaliers to Greyhelm
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
AC
Name and House: Marcel
Age: 44
Cultural Group: Dornishman
Appearance: A tall man with greying, black hair. Marcello's curly beard is carefully trimmed and his hands usually carry a metallic scent, whether from tinkering or treating injuries. His eyes are bright and keen, but tend to dart around a lot, constantly preoccupying themselves with new objects of fascination
Gift: Erudite
Skills: Medic (e), Craftsman (Armor)
Talents: Tinkering, Language (Valyrian), Fishing
Negative Traits: N/A
Starting title: Maester
Starting Location: Greyhelm
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Biography:

Marcel was born in 20BC, a son of a Planky Town merchant. While taking an keen interest in learning letters, numbers and even a few valyrian phrases, he had no mind for managing money. His parents quickly decided that out of all their children, he was better sent off to the Citadel, before one of his flights of fancy caused a greater loss of money. This was after he had spent a considerable sum just to acquire a Qohorik automaton, an intricate little lion with cogs on the inside that allowed it to walk when wound up.
Arriving in Oldtown at the age of 16, Marcel initially pursued metallurgy, but soon found that medicine stirred a very similar fascination in him. whether understanding the intricacies of a body made of flesh or metal, he was always keenly interested. It only took a few years before he came to be considered somewhat of a prodigy, especially for his interest in reconvalescent healing, the act of helping stroke victims and the maimed to use their bodies once again. By 21 he had taken further interests, particularly in a fellow maester in training, named Leo. For three years they were inseparable, jointly pursuing their studies by day and their passion by night. Then, one day, Leo suddenly started avoiding him. Marcel grew angry and tried to confront him several times, even in public.
This eventually caused enough of a scene for one of his seniors to pull him aside. Leo, as things would have it, was the nephew of one of the closest aides to the Archmaester of medicine. The over-proud geezer, Malcom, accused Marcel of corrupting his nephew wiht 'dornish vices' and told him in no uncertain terms that he should abandon the study of medicine, having already thrown away his prospects with his impertinence. At the time Marcel scoffed at his threat. He abandoned Leo, who had willingly abandoned him at his uncle's order, however he stayed in his course. A decade later, he was painfully aware that Malcom had acted on his threat. After an unusually protracted study they finally granted him a link of medicine, but there after the Citadel's college of medicine wanted nothing to do with him, throwing menial jobs far below his level at him whenever he offered his services. He went into metallurgy, but soon found himself similarly disdained. Though not an Archmaester, Malcom knew many men in the other colleges and had obstructed him here too. At this point, Malcom took to the road, serving as a hedge-maester. With few friends at the citadel, even an official posting at some hole in the middle of nowhere was out of reach.
One fateful evening in the Vale however, he would find a new sense of purpose, aiding Lady Ellyn Moore and her newborn Leyla. As the little girl grew into her toddler years, he determined that she could learn to walk on her own like other children, given the right supports. Those few with her affliction who grew to adulthood would sometimes show more control of their limbs with time, and maesters had speculated about accelerating the process. The project engrossed him so much that joining the service of the Cavaliers was almost an afterthought, a simple decision that would allow him to continue his work on the girl. Functionally, Marcel has now achieved what his seniors tried to deny him, serving as a surgeon and smith at the Gates of The Moon
Timeline:
20BC: Marcel is born in Planky-Town as a merchant's son
7BC: Marcel is a quick learner at everything except how to manage money. After spending a lot of money to acquire an automaton, a Qohorik curiosity, Marcel's parents determine that he is best suited for the citadel
4BC: He arrives in Oldtown to begin his studies
2AC-5AC: Marcel becomes recognized as a promising student of medicine and develops a relationship with Leo, a fellow student. Eventually Leo begins ignoring him. Marcel is told by Leo's uncle Malcom that their relationship is intolerable and that he should stop studying medicine
15AC: After a decade Marcel is granted his chain in medicine, and promptly stonewalled from further advancement. Malcom also pulls strings to make other archmaesters obstruct him from advancement as well. Marcel becomes a hedge-maester at the end of the year.
17AC: Marcel happens to be in Snakewood when the heir's wife is giving birth. He is able to help save Lady Ellyn Moore and her child, Leyla.
18AC-21AC: Marcel trains Leyla to be able to move independently despite her palsy. When Lady Ellyn is set aside by the Lynderlys he joins her to the Cavaliers, where he takes up service as a surgeon and smith while continuing to train Leyla
25AC: He joins the Cavaliers to Greyhelm

I am 33, AFAB, trans man (I've been on testosterone for 6 years). I'm 5'7“ and 155 lbs. I have hashimoto's hypothyroidism and asthma as well as chronic migraines, meniere's. Meds: levothyroxine, ajovy, rizatriptan, Omeprazole, dicyclomine, Viibryd, lithium, Seroquel, Prazosin, and clonopin.
I have struggled with severe mental illness including a psychotic disorder and depression for most of my life since puberty, and a year and 5 months ago I gave myself a full thickness chemical burn (lye) on my right shin directly below my knee during a psychotic episode.
I have not hurt myself since then, and I've been doing exceptionally well with my treatment team and medication management. At the time, however, I refused medical intervention, and I've been healing it on my own. I have a fear of going to the doctor for these things due to past treatment during mental health events.
The affected area was approximately 3" by 4" and the chemical reached bone and muscle. The tibia ridge and muscle was exposed, and the muscle was damaged (looked like grey shredded pork and peeled easily like shredded pork), and skin/fat was gone/black. The ligament? that goes from the knee cap to the top of the tibia was burned as well, but thankfully not bad enough to cause it to tear.
I had no sensation in the wound, and no sensation along the outer area of my calf from the knee to about 3-4 inches from my ankle (are of approximately 6" by 8"), but the pain and swelling throughout the rest of my leg extended from my toes up to my butt. I was unable to bend my foot upward and needed crutches for about a month (foot movement has since returned).
I initially used silver calcium algenate for the wound, and I've switched to xeroform dressings. The only medical help I've had was the ER doc I saw for an unrelated infection about 3 months ago. He said he was surprised I had done so well taking care of it and said it looked good (I was not having my current pain at this time).
The skin around the wound and on my leg looks and feels healthy. The scar tissue that's developed thus far looks healthy. The exudate, while high in volume, is clear yellow. The remaining wound bed is about 2" by 2" and looks healthy (pink, not too much granulation, it's now level with surrounding skin, no exposed bone or muscle). It seems really close to completely scarring over. There is noticeable scar growth/development every day.
My issue now is that while the areas without feeling remain numb, I've been having deep muscle pain again with pain radiating from the toes to my butt with occasional numbness and pins/needles in my foot. It feels "bone deep". My knee will start to hurt and I can feel the ligament that was burned is sore again. The pain makes it difficult to... Exist, kind of. It's easier to handle if I'm moving because it's distracting. It's caused difficulty sleeping and sitting still. I do have good circulation, and I've been able to be active for the last ~9 months doing stuff like hiking and light cycling with minimal swelling and pain up to this point.
Is this normal for healing a wound like this? And I'm assuming there's a high likelihood of chronic pain related to this injury?
Also, the scar tissue isn't free-moving. It seems to be attached to the bone almost.
I appreciate any input. I'm concerned that this recurrence of pain could be a sign of something wrong, and frankly, after a year and half, I am really struggling with the pain and complications. Should I go to the Eurgent care?

Ever watched your pup give you those pleading eyes as you pour yourself a glass of milk? You might be tempted to share a sip, but hold on! While some dogs seem to adore dairy, the truth is, milk isn’t always the best choice for our canine companions.

Canines & Cow Juice: A Tale of Two Enzymes

Let’s rewind to puppyhood. Mother’s milk is specially formulated to nourish growing pups. It’s packed with nutrients and easy to digest because puppies produce an enzyme called lactase. Lactase breaks down lactose, the sugar found in milk.
However, as dogs mature, lactase production naturally declines. This means many adult dogs become lactose intolerant, just like some humans. Consuming milk can lead to digestive woes like gas, bloating, diarrhea, and even vomiting.

The Great Lactose Debate: Can My Dog Enjoy a Milk Mustache?

So, the answer isn’t as simple as a yes or no. Some dogs seem to tolerate small amounts of milk without any problems. However, it’s always best to err on the side of caution.

Here’s why milk might not be the best beverage for your dog:

• Tummy Troubles: Lactose intolerance can cause a variety of digestive issues, making your pup feel uncomfortable.
• A Fatty Feast: Milk is high in fat, which can lead to pancreatitis, a serious inflammation of the pancreas.
• Nutritional Needs Met Elsewhere: A well-balanced dog food provides all the nutrients your pup needs, including calcium, which some pet parents might be hoping to get from milk.

A Wagging Alternative: Can My Dog Enjoy Other Beverages?

If your dog seems to crave a refreshing drink, don’t fret! There are plenty of pup-friendly alternatives:

• Fresh, Clean Water: This should always be readily available for your dog. Hydration is crucial for overall health.
• Coconut Water: Diluted coconut water can be a hydrating and electrolyte-boosting treat on a hot day.
• Bone Broth: Homemade or store-bought bone broth, free of added sodium and onions, can be a delicious and nutritious addition to your dog’s diet.

Remember: Always check with your veterinarian before introducing any new food or beverage to your dog’s diet.

The Verdict: Milk or Nay?

While a tiny splash of milk probably won’t hurt most dogs, it’s generally not recommended. There are better ways to keep your pup hydrated and happy.

Here’s a quick recap:

• Lactose intolerance is common in adult dogs.
• Milk can cause digestive upset and other health problems.
• Water is the best beverage for dogs.
• Consider dog-friendly alternatives like coconut water or bone broth.

If your dog seems particularly interested in dairy products, consult your veterinarian. They can advise you on safe alternatives or recommend a lactose-free dairy treat on rare occasions.

Let’s Keep the Conversation Flowing!

Does your dog love to lick up spilled milks? Share your pup’s dairy habits and any questions you might have in the comments below!

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AcceptableWar5433
Originally posted to AITAH
I think this woman is using me for free-childcare
Trigger Warnings: entitlement
Original Post: April 21, 2024
I 24M teach boxing in my spare time, and one day a week, I teach it to kids.
There's a mom who i'm starting to feel like is taking advantage of these classes.
She's increasingly late with picking up her kid after the session.
To give some context, this is a rich woman. It's not that she's out working a job. She is a stay at home parent. No other kids. She told me all this because another thing she loves to do is have really long conversations with me on top of already being late.
She's been late most of March (3 classes). I talked to her about it at the end of the month and she apologized and said it won't happen again. It did. x2 now. So I started timing her.
The second week of April (no class the first week), she arrived 45 minutes late. Then spent maybe 20 minutes talking to me. The other day, I timed her again. She got there around the 1 hour mark. I made a point to show her my timer and I gave her a warning that I will remove her kid from my class. She tried to derail the conversation so I raised the timer and turned it on again. She said I was being 'unjustifiably rude' (exact words).
I explained (politely) that I have other obligations and her consistent lateness throws my schedule off.
She didn't want to have this conversation, stomped to the driver's side of her car. Her kid lowered his window to say thank you and 'bye' to me. I told him bye and added 'tell your mom to stop being late'.
She reported our conversation to my boss but twisted it. She said that I threatened her kid with getting kicked out of the program. I didn't say it like that. And I didn't say it to her kid. There are other instructors, I was just implying (to her) that I won't have him in my group. My boss still gave me a lecture about how I don't have that power and can't make the statements I did. He went over professionalism and how i'm being too hard on this mom who could have other circumstances going on.
But i'm not getting paid for the hour after this class that I spend hanging out with her kid.
The kid's great.. but I have things to do.
For people who work with kids, what's the etiquette here? do I give parents grace?
I told my boss i'm going to start adding up all the hours and one of them is going to have to pay me.
AITAH?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
OOP on wanting to set in the boundaries and fine system for late pickups and to have the boss set the firm approach for it.

OOP: See. That's how it should be. Unfortunately, I don't think my boss has any policy around it judging from the way our conversation went. If this continues to be an issue, I'm going to push for compensation since his approach currently has me taking responsibility for it. I'll send an email to him about clarifying so I have some kind of a written response.

OOP on the policy and the front desk staff to deal with the phone calls to parents for pickups

OOP: There is no front desk. I didn't want to immediately escalate to CPS and cops before making some attempts with the mom. The (lack of?) policy is definitely an issue.. that I am now going to push to address/seek further info about.

OOP on getting paid for his time of the hours he did outside his duties

OOP: I added them up, sent it to him and everything— he told me he will only pay me moving forward. I should let it go, and then made a point to remind me that I volunteered for this job knowing it was new and there would be hiccups.

 
Update: May 1, 2024
Previous post.
I appreciate the advice I got on the post I made. I learned a lot from you.
Here's the update:
I took various notes from the people who gave me tips here. I wrote a detailed email to my boss and cc'd other people who run this program, including co-instructors. I did this for transparency, accountability, and to put pressure on my boss to provide a policy around the issue instead of him dealing with us all individually / case by case.
My boss didn't respond to the email, instead he called me in to see him. I kind of had a feeling he’d do that.
He asked me why I sent the email cc'ing everyone and was clearly not happy about my approach. He kept trying to minimize the situation, and make me feel that I am in the wrong. He told me that I'm being greedy. That my attitude about one parent being late is exaggerated and I'm looking for problems. I should essentially just wait around after-hours if I need to sometimes (unpaid) because it's a program for kids. I should do this with some heart and "Do it for the kids". I had to turn my face to hide the fact that I wanted to laugh in that moment. But mostly I was frustrated.
Having proper policies in place not only protects the staff, it protects the kids, not to mention his fucking business. After I made my perspective clear (in a mostly professional manner).. he came around a little.
Unfortunately, he flat out told me he will not back-pay me for the time that I've logged waiting for this mom, but he will implement a late policy moving forward. He's followed through on that. He tried to throw in other useless incentives for me. I didn't accept them.
That mom wasn't late this week. She did try to catch my eye when she picked her son up and I ignored her. She ended up getting out of her car and asked me if I saw her waving. I kept ignoring her. She wore me down because she kept following me around while I locked up. I informed her why she's getting the silent treatment. She apologized and also tried to write me a check on the spot. I didn't take the money. I told her... honestly, I might quit instead. I am sharing this because the woman clearly lives in her own world. Here, just take my money and stop being mad at me. I was so furious. It took everything in me to keep the words that I said to her to a minimum.
I am on the fence about just letting this go. Maybe the program will get smoother with time. It's not a lot of money worth fighting over... I am so disappointed in my boss. I’ve known him for a long time as a mentofriend. Being his employee has been something else. The program itself is very new and disorganized. Due to differences of opinion about how its run, I doubt I will stay with it.
This is my first time working a job that involves kids. My actual profession is unrelated to boxing. This was mostly something I picked up spontaneously, because I saw the merit in it and I wanted to do my part to help. I admit I could use the extra money too. I don’t mean to be greedy or stingy, but I live in an insanely expensive city and I take care of someone with expensive medical bills.
I haven't proof-read this, but it looks longer than I wanted it to be. I’m sorry. I’m tired.
Relevant Comments
OOP on being frustrated with his boss and the situation

OOP: I wouldn’t say I’m angry about the situation.. I think I am mostly frustrated with my boss’s approach in dealing with issues. It’s hard to convey all of it in writing but he’s extremely stubborn and hard headed. He takes unnecessary offence to constructive feedback and then holds grudges. Getting him to do anything is always more difficult than it needs to be. He will try to bulldoze you, there’s always friction no matter what you suggest. It shouldn’t have to be like that.
I think I’m coming to terms with the realization that he’s a great friend and mentor but a terrible person to collaborate or do business with. I wish he would have taken what I said more seriously instead of focusing so much on this being an isolated issue when it could easily happen again with another parent. Even though he’s implemented the new policies, he’s acting as if he did me a favor.
The person I was angry at, is the mom.. because of the way she talked to me and threw money at me. There was no understanding.
She was so quick to report me to my boss and twist my words last week, and this week shes at pickup trying to flag me to chat like it never happened. The entitlement of this woman. She can’t stand being ignored. And when I reminded her what she did she acted as if it was just a money problem. Who cares about the appointments I got late for and the trouble she caused me— she can write me a check right now and order me to stop being mad at her. It definitely rubbed me the wrong way.
I absolutely hear you though. Thank you.

WaitUntilIDie: You'd make the right call to cut your loses, see this as a learning opportunity for what is not only intolerable but most likely illegal. I can't think of any state where you can be expected to continue working without pay. Id go as far as to suggest reporting the hours you were unpaid to the labor board in your state if you are from the states.
You are being taken advantage of here, but you know that. Do what's best for you. I'm not only suggesting making the report so you get paid, but also to put this business on notice because you probably aren't the only person they will try to exploit this way especially after you've left and having that record is important to show a pattern of behavior on the business owners part.
ERVetSurgeon: Report him to the Dept of Labor at the federal level. You cannot force someone to stay on the job "off the clock." If they did that, you will get back pay.
Hellokitty55: I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You're NTA. You tried to level with your boss and get him to understand. I'm guessing he doesn't want any backlash bc of business. I wish there weren't people out there that takes advantage of kindness.
 
Last Update: May 13, 2024
Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/AITAH/s/7naOmsQ5tU
I got other instructors to get on my boss’s case with me. I also informed him I have to quit the kids class and I will quit the training I do with adults too / leave the gym and our friendship if he doesn’t hear me out respectfully.
The reason I wanted to avoid reporting my boss is because I have a relationship with him and nearly everyone at this gym going back almost 10 years. I didn’t want to resort to making a report without exploring every other option first.
My boss caved. I’ll get paid for the extra hours I logged on the next paycheck.
Moving forward, I will no longer teach the kids, because although we have a policy and late pickup fee in place, as it stands right now, instructors are still responsible to stay back until the last kid leaves and my boss doesn’t want to negotiate on that. I can’t stay behind after classes. I have other obligations the same day as the class I teach. It’s unfortunate because this one parent is the only one currently abusing the system because she can afford to.
That kid’s mom was late this week again by 30 minutes. Showed her my timer. I also told her I’ve quit. She asked me if the late warnings “reset” when a new instructor takes over (they don’t). She then tried to hire me out from under my boss as her kid’s private instructor. I said no, but I might reconsider if she ever wants lessons. I would love to give that woman hell.
Alright, that’s the end of that. I feel bad I couldn’t stick it out with this kids program but it’s too disorganized for me right now.
Relevant Comment
RaptorOO7: Sounds like she has zero respect for anyone else’s time, sure who doesn’t love money, but my time is money and I value my time a lot more than her money.
Good call not working for her who knows what kind of hell she would put you through.
People with money know that money talks and most will take it. When you don’t out of principle they just can’t understand it.

OOP: People like her ruin it for other parents and my boss refuses to implement a condition like .. X amount of lates will result in your kid being dropped from the class.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

https://www.wtsglobal.com/public_html/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Envy-Extreme-Vio.pdf
Crossposting audience: The bad news is there does not seem to be a cure for envy. This is congruent with the recidivism statistics of maladapted/antisocial behavior in narcissists, without which narcissism and those with NPD would not be so socially undesirable. However, there are clear signs that the circuitry of envy is noticeably different than the circuitry of admiration, and that jealousy pathways are similar to addiction and expectation of reward pathways. A neuroeconomic analysis of "I won't win this one without illegal/unethical leveling" may be occurring in the envious, showing there may be insight that could resolve what has been until this point and unresolvable emotion full of frustration and pain at the perceived inferiority these individuals suffer. It is important to study and resolve this to help protect their victims from violence, psychological, and economic abuse, theft, hostage-taking of what is critical to the envied person, and unreasonable dislike that turns into hate crime on a whim. Victims deserve protection (the envious say the opposite) and so we research. Follow this subreddit for the first research-backed subreddit on envy.
Intense envy is associated with shame, depression, inferiority, isolation, anxiety, paranoia, and even violent criminal behavior.
Envy is an emotion capable of producing distorted perceptions and cognitions. Intense envy is associated with adverse states such as shame, depression, inferiority, isolation, anxiety, paranoia, and even violent criminal behavior.
The envious can become violent when they want to destroy goodness as perceived advantage, especially if they do not feel they possess goodness
There may come a point at which the envious person's goal is to harm the other's ability to enjoy the perceived advantages—the wish to destroy goodness as formulated by Melanie Klein.
Obliterative envy is the violent instantiation of envy focusing on a desire to obliterate what is perceived as an unjust, intolerable reality
The psychodynamics are discussed by which destructive envy produces or enhances a persecutory mindset and desire for revenge so powerful that lethal violence is chosen as an option. The concepts of obliterative envy and pseudo-spiritual transformation are introduced, and forensic case examples are used to demonstrate how envy produces persecutory cognitions and facilitates the desire to “obliterate” what is perceived as an unjust, intolerable reality.
Increased projection of the malicious or terrorist impulse is the sign of an escalation in the violent envious person’s ability to commit violence. As they grow more out of control in this respect, the more likely they are to actually engage in these actions.
The false logic of envy convinces the individual that they have an unfavorable and immutable disadvantage—thus, the other appears enhanced while the individual feels diminished. This depressing, humiliating position generates resentment toward the other. Depending upon developmental experience and other psychosocial factors, the individual with envy may increasingly use projection, projective identification, and experience persecutory thoughts.
The envious other wants to harm or destroy the other’s ability to enjoy these perceived advantages
There may come a point at which the envious person's goal is to harm or destroy the other's ability to enjoy the perceived advantages.
A bizarre scenario is witnessed where someone sacrifices their own life from spite to hurt the envied
. In some cases, extremely envious individuals are willing to spitefully sacrifice their own lives in an act of violence. The act may be felt as revenge for some perceived or actual injustice, but the driving emotion is intolerable envy, consciously recognized by the attacker or not.
We conclude by reviewing the challenges of detecting severe envy and preoccupation with lethality in treatment and in non-treatment settings where threat assessment protocols may be applied.
Obliterative envy is the state of mind arising from overwhelming narcissistic rage and resentment
. Obliterative envy is the state of mind arising from overwhelming narcissistic rage and resentment, leading the individual to destroy the envied other, and simultaneously himself, to negate the detested situation in its entirety. Pseudo-spiritual transformation is the state of mind by which the perpetrator's personal grievance is justified and elevated to the level of a spiritual or religious imperative.
Proximal warning signs are pathway, fixation, identification, novel aggression, energy burst, leakage, last resort, and directly communicated threat
The TRAP-18 consists of 8 proximal warning behaviors—pathway, fixation, identification, novel aggression, energy burst, leakage, last resort, and directly communicated threat—and 10 distal characteristics—
10 distal characteristics are found, however odd patterns shown in intelligence of purposefully creating these conditions should be noted for terroristic envy from the inside themselves
personal grievance and moral outrage, framed by an ideology, failure to affiliate with an extremist or other group, dependence on the virtual community, thwarting of occupational goals, changes in thinking and emotion, failure of sexually intimate pair bonding, mental disorder, greater creativity and innovation, and history of criminal violence.
Acknowledging envy declares one’s inferiority which causes shame
To acknowledge envy is to declare one's felt inferiority, which in turn triggers additional feelings of shame (Ronningstam, 2005).
Enviers can be seen in both ideation of crime and premeditated crime experience a fierce kind of sadistic pleasure when contemplating violence toward the envied
Among all the so-called seven deadly sins (pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, sloth), Milic (2019) argues that envy produces nothing but mental anguish and is devoid of even an initial burst of pleasure or immediate gratification. We would suggest that envy may hold within it both masochistic pleasure, and well as a fierce kind of sadistic pleasure when contemplating violence toward the envied.
Painful and resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage can be seen
Confusion of terms has long been the case where envy and jealousy are concerned; examples abound. For instance, “I am jealous of her good looks,” is more accurately an admission of envy. Envy, in its simplest form, is defined in the dictionary as a “painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another, joined with a desire to possess the same advantage” (Merriam-Webster.com, 2021).
Romantic jealousy is fear of loss of mate and mate retention behaviors, and envy is seen as someone threatening to take away advantage personally
Romantic jealousy has been found to be positively correlated with feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and mate retention behaviors (Chin et al., 2017). Whereas in envy, advantage is perceived as belonging to the other; in jealousy, a rival is seen as threatening to take away the advantage (Anderson, 2002).
Narcissistic injury too unbearable to tolerate causes violence. A poisoning quality is specific to the violently envious
In the case of both tension states, it is a matter of degree—how much does the negative comparison lead the sufferer to experience painful feelings of inferiority and shame that result in a narcissistic injury too unbearable to tolerate? Is there the potential for narcissistic rage in its various manifestations, including violence? As the UK advice columnist Irma Kurtz wrote, “jealousy fights duels, envy poisons the soup (Kurtz, 1987).” Table 1 lists the comparative characteristics of envy and jealousy.
Insatiability, and excessive willingness to even take out themselves and their own security, even if it be financial, to take out the person they are envious of can be seen in the violently envious person. They are competitive and will do anything to stop being thrown into relief as less advantaged with the envied person.
Moreover, envy is historically and consistently referred to as hidden and insidious (Epstein, 2003; Minou, 2017). Envy may often be denied because of its implication of inferiority, unwarranted malicious temptation in the envier, and especially its potential for destructiveness. Envy increases within the sufferer the likelihood of developing depression, lowers resilience, and destabilizes self-esteem (Xiang et al., 2020). Those laboring under strong envy are insatiable, competitive, and may be willing to sacrifice their own outcomes to diminish the envied person's perceived advantage (Smith & Kim, 2007
As a result, people report greater feelings of envy and inadequacy.
Passively browsing Facebook apparently incites lots of envy in the envy prone who may try to destroy or at least erase the presence of the one who makes them feel that much envy. Out of sight, out of mind for the envier is desired for and they try to make it a reality
Even passively browsing Facebook can lead to negative social comparison, envy, social isolation and a significantly impaired sense of life satisfaction (Morawska, 2019). Younger persons who spend more time on social media are more susceptible to these effects than older persons.
Consumed with envy and shame (violence most likely) becomes over time guilt-ridden and self-punishing as they continue to avoid feelings of narcissistic inaccessibility, aka, being reminded of what they can’t or don’t have.
Klein first theorized that mature development required transition from the persecutory position (consumed with envy and shame) to the depressive position (guilt-ridden and self-punishing) in order to avoid feelings of victimization and narcissistic inaccessibility (Klein, 1975).
Envy can be a driving emotion in some who go on to commit acts of extreme violence
Those with strong paranoid and narcissistic traits have been observed to suffer from a desire to destroy the goodness they perceive they have been unjustly denied. Such individuals seek to destroy the other's ability to enjoy the whole object pleasures of love or achievement (Zizek, 2008). Envy can be a primary driving emotion in some who go on to commit acts of extreme violence (Hyatt-Williams, 1998; Knoll, 2010a, 2010b).
Narcissism starts to distort senses of justice in envy. The “justice sense” suddenly becomes distorted and no longer justice in the envious instantiation.
Other main themes associated with envy in the psychological literature involve the envious person's perception of fairness and justice, narcissism, hostility, and grudge holding (Anderson, 2002; Milic, 2019; Nauta, 2009).
Entitlement is part of envy; the envious feel that they are withholding the goodness or justice of things like “having sex with the girls in the hottest sorority”. Externalization, projection and projective identification can be seen. These individuals show impaired ability for sympathy, empathy, regret, reconciliation or gratitude which all require an ability to see someone else as human who may feel things like they do, aka, an increased disposition to commodify agents is seen.
In the P-S position, the individual's worldview is based on feelings of mistreatment and frustration at what is perceived as intentional harm, injustice, or purposeful withholding of advantages. The P-S position is associated with the use of maladaptive defense mechanisms such as splitting, externalization, projection, and projective identification. Such individuals will have an impaired capacity for sympathy, empathy, regret, reconciliation or gratitude—emotions that necessitate an ability to represent others in one's mind as whole, real, and meaningful individuals. Via projection and projective identification (an incomplete projection wherein the projected content continues to threaten the self), such individuals perceive others as actively persecuting them by withholding the goodness, justice, or fairness to which they feel rightfully entitled (Grotstein, 1981)
Not getting what they feel entitled to is a profoundly depressing and humiliating experience for those who have an excessive predisposition to commodify and then feel entitled to things that should not have ever been commodified
As a result of their perception of intolerable injustice, some may become overwhelmed with a sense of loss that cannot be mourned (Feldman & De Paola, 1994). Grief is subsumed by personal grievance. There is then the potential for hostile revenge fantasies, followed by an unwillingness to forsake a martyrdom fantasy of ultimate and final revenge. Envy may defy common sense, yet its logic can be understood. Envious persons see the object of envy as big or advantaged, while they feel small and disadvantaged. This is a profoundly depressing and humiliating experience for the envious who are left harboring resentment and injustice, emotions which are often a product of depleted omnipotent fantasies (Anderson, 2002).
Defense of projection may hypertrophy to distort their perceptions of others as greedy, spiteful, and intentionally persecutory–aka, someone very rich may start projecting on others as greedy to project off the shame they feel for greed. Or, someone who is antisemitic with lots of wealth may suddenly become fixated on Jews to relieve themselves of the guilt they feel for not helping people.
They may come to experience—whether acknowledged as compensatory or not—a “malicious glee” (schadenfreude) over other's misfortune, which can develop into an addictive like pursuit of sadistic joy over others' sorrows. Their defense of projection may hypertrophy to distort their perceptions of others as greedy, spiteful and intentionally persecutory
Social pain over a perceived failure to meet some internalized level of value is seen
in contrast to the dynamic of a negative comparison defining envy, shame is “a painful feeling of an interrupted sense of joy, relationship, status, or pride, because of exposure of one's failure to meet standards or ideals” (p. 37). The key phrase here is not meeting “standards,” which suggests social pain over a perceived failure to meet some internalized level of value. S
Shame for feeling hate then leads to self-hate, and this suffering sees no relief until they decide to commit extreme violence
A vicious cycle may ensue, in which the envier is ashamed of feeling hateful, and then hates himself for feeling such negative emotions—which make him further aware of his inadequacy. In actuality, we suggest that these powerful negative emotions—shame, envy, hatred of others and hatred of self—are so interrelated that they may all be in play in the sufferer who chooses extreme violence.
Irrational suicidal behavior often called a “psychic death” can be found on people with extreme narcissistic injury and envy.
Gilligan's interpretations may not explain all instances of extreme violence, but they are consistent with what we call the obliterative mindset. The perpetrator has lost the capacity for undistorted judgment and to sublimate aggression. The “self” is already dead. He is now ready to override the survival instinct and fully embrace a drive toward death (Anderson, 2006).
A deep sense of victimizations promotes a righteous vengeance that then aggressively devalues the other to promote the self, as they do not feel like they will compare organically without aggressively manufacturing the devaluation of the other
. In the distorted logic of severe envy, a deep sense of victimization allows martyrdom and/or righteous vengeance to devalue the other and promote the self to heroic status.
The envious person decides he is going to show the world his true self, which in the end is nothing but another terrorist, one of many people who did nothing with their lives but just kill other people out of rage, envy and entitlement
Intolerable conditions and even the imperfect self are wiped clean, leaving only the perpetrator's final judgment, which is not open to appeal. The violent extremist warped by severe envy is drawn to a statement of self-affirmation to counteract overwhelming shame. By obliterating the unacceptable reality, his sacrifice seems worthwhile to him to re-establish his sense of self. Or as the violent perpetrator Elliot Rodger wrote: “Finally, at long last, I can show the world my true worth” (E.R. Manifesto, 2014). The paradox, however, is compelling: obliterating the actual self to realize just before death the perfect and omnipotent self.
Around the time of extremism, rigidity can be seen and is palpable on the one engaged in covert or overt acts
. Beliefs in the superiority of one's cause become rigidly fixed and overvalued (Rahman et al., 2019).
Extreme imbalances of what is given from what is taken is a clear signs of extreme envy, suggesting economic abuse is motivated by envy in many cases
: “Everything is gone. What I own is just gonna be a pittance compared to what I am going to take.” The distorted logic of severe envy can be seen at play in MH's statement: “It's a kind of a community that in order for you to get ahead, you have to keep the neighbor down. It's not…you know, building yourself up on your own merit, it's tear the other guy down.” There is no ambivalence or relativity at this point for MH. His world is split into only those who are building up and those who are tearing down. Deep in his persecutory position, MH gives about as clear an explanation, in our opinion, of the logic of violent, destructive envy as can be found in such cases:
Genocidal obliteration is seen on those so envious they become violent
. When I do this, that levels the playing field in my favor, so now we've got a lopsided playing field because when I come back at you, I'm gonna destroy your side of the playing field
Addicted to revenge, they make patently unreasonable decisions
Various townspeople interviewed in the documentary note how MH had been given numerous financially appealing options, including an offer of six times what he paid for his land. The object of MH's envy was his perception of the success of several businessmen whose family had lived in the town for generations. Offers to provide MH with a financially advantageous resolution held no sway since he was fully in the grip of an obliterative mindset. Or, as the town news editor stated, “He had a way out. He had a way out to make some good money and, and go on about his life, but he chose that path for whatever reason.” Instead, he narrowed his focus and proceeded according to the dictates of violent envy and revenge.
Peacefulness after extreme painful turbulence is a tell-tale sign of premeditated homicidal action in the envious
Tied to these signs of PST is MH's statement that “a peace came over me…,” perhaps describing an almost spiritual feeling of relief after having finally resigned himself to die. Such descriptions of emotional reprieve have been associated with anticipatory and relief-oriented permissive beliefs in suicidal crises (Del-Monte & Graziani, 2020). Perpetrators of mass murder and other forms of targeted homicide-suicide have similarly described a state of peacefulness and relief that arises once they have come to terms with their own death as not only inevitable and acceptable, but planned, either by their own hand or as a “suicide-bycop.”
“I wasn’t supposed to caught”; an exceptionalism is seen on the violently envious
ambivalence. MH proceeds to strengthen and amplify his violent intent via a combination of PST and teleological thinking: “I wasn't supposed to get caught! God built me to be here to prove to you that what you have been doing for God knows how many years is wrong.”
Resolving the crisis would be an intolerable sign of weakness and inferiority (Gilligan & Richards, 2021).
This statement suggests his intensifying envy, often apparent in pathologically narcissistic states and traits (Kernberg, 1992). What MH deserves is beyond question, and now God expects him to harm the objects of his envy. The conviction of transcendent moral and spiritual righteousness is a common justification for violent lashing out by those in the persecutory position. Resolving the crisis nonviolently would require more psychological degrees of freedom and capacity for gratitude and empathy than MH possessed. To him it would be an intolerable sign of weakness and inferiority (Gilligan & Richards, 2021).
When people are happy an aggressive raging need to ruin it is seen on the envious
As poetically described by Gilligan and Richards (2021), the most direct, immediate and literal way to wipe tormentors' mocking smiles from their faces is to make them weep through violence.
Fixation is a huge sign of extreme envy and ability to commit envy-based violence
MH's PST would be associated with the TRAP-18 (Meloy, 2017) distal characteristic of Changes in Thinking and Emotion. These changes are often complex, and appear to occur in three domains: interpersonal relations become more limited and isolation increases; there is evidence of fantasy that is both grandiose and violent (often leaked through social media); and emotions shift from just anger, to also contempt and disgust for the target. We also see continued TRAP-18 evidence of the proximal warning behavior of Fixation, in this case motivated by extreme overvalued beliefs (Meloy & Rahman, 2020). Fixation, a preoccupation with a person or a cause that is accompanied by deterioration in work and love, is often the first proximal warning behavior to appear in a case of targeted violence (Meloy et al., 2021).
Last resort behavior can be seen when they think they were never going to get caught, a desperate attempt to commit violent envious action to secure the envied’s punishment for making them feel envy
Last Resort proximal warning behavior is defined as a violent action and time imperative: the person must act, and he must act now. Such warning behavior is often precipitated by a triggering event—often a loss in love or work--or one that is anticipated, and is sometimes accompanied by feelings of desperation or distress (Meloy, 2017).
Envy that powerful pushes them into the obliterative mindset, where violence occurs
Such intense devaluation of the desired object suggests envy powerful enough to push him into the obliterative mindset.
ER repeatedly used the word “envy” to describe his misery.
ER repeatedly used the word “envy” to describe his misery. He understood the difference between envy and jealousy, which he also experienced at an early age when there would be a third boy on playdates with his best friend (E.R. Manifesto, 2014).
He shows that the desire to torture is motivated by envy, showing that envy is indeed a product of envy and with it its links to narcissism
ER went to a Starbucks coffee shop there, where he became “livid with envious hatred” upon seeing a couple kissing. He proceeded to throw his coffee on them. What he actually fantasized doing was to “kill them slowly… strip the skins off their flesh.” The sight of a couple enjoying themselves brought out sadistic urges to destroy them, but not before torturing them by removing the very organ they would use to enjoy each other—their skin.
Entitlement is also linked to the torture as envy milieu saying “if I cannot have it, I will destroy it”. That is extreme entitlement
Just as MH described the true nature of destructive envy so well, so does ER, with jarring precision: “If I cannot have it, I will destroy it.
A hatred for someone from a younger generation enjoying things they didn’t can be seen in the envious
That was the day that I decided I would have to kill him on the Day of Retribution. I will not allow the boy to surpass me at everything, to live the life I've always wanted. It's not fair that he has the chance to have a pleasurable life while I've been denied it. It will be a hard thing to do, because I had really bonded with my little brother in the last year, and he respected and looked up to me. But I would have to do it. If I can't live a pleasurable life, then neither will he!
Fixation and pathological preoccupation followed by deterioration is seen on those who are capable of and/or commit envious violent action
The ER case is rife with examples of the proximal warning behavior of Fixation on the TRAP-18: “an increasingly pathological preoccupation with a person or a cause, accompanied by a deterioration in social and occupational life” (Meloy, 2017)
Envy based torture premeditation and enaction is seen on those envious who fit the description for TRAP-18
When ER saw the couple kissing at Starbucks he also wanted to kill them, “slowly.” What he actually did was throw coffee on them (and, incidentally, at great risk of physical retaliation). Such a behavior is an example of the proximal warning behavior on the TRAP-18 of Novel Aggression: “an act of violence that appears unrelated to any targeted violence pathway and is committed for the first time” (Meloy et al., 2012), and is done to test one's violent capability.
Acute narcissistic injury can trigger a suicidal crisis
An acute narcissistic injury in the patient's life could trigger a suicidal crisis in the absence of a depressed state. Ronningstam (2005) discussed the various meanings of suicidality in narcissistic patients, among them, an illusion of control and mastery (as well as preserving the perfect self), a shield against anticipated narcissistic injuries (death before dishonor), and an act of revenge: an individual may commit suicide to spite someone else.
Even envious hatred for therapists can be found, with therapists witnessing boredom with the sessions and withdrawing from direct engagement. This suggests extreme dispositional envy.
. He may pronounce boredom with the sessions or withdraw from direct engagement; his envious hatred may be hidden underneath an attitude of indifference. Alternatively, he may attempt to compete with the therapist, claiming superior knowledge or understanding (Abraham, 1927)
Envious individuals suffer from an encapsulated murderous aspect of their personalities
…most envious individuals suffer from an encapsulated murderous aspect of their personalities. If this concealed enclave is suddenly detonated by external circumstances, homicidal or suicidal violence can erupt.
Envious people see the world as zero-sum and try to reinforce back to zero-sum when people prove it is not inherently zero-sum. They will aggressively try to renormalize it back to where their envy seems less pathological and distorted.
In the zero-sum game of envy, there is a myth that if someone has something good, the other person is diminished. A major goal of therapy is to help patients see that self-esteem is not dependent on what someone else has and that their accomplishments are not connected to those of others. The therapist works to interpret to the patient that his zero-sum view undermines the chance in his life that he and others can simultaneously feel successful and gratified (pp. 128–129).
Envy influences the subject’s violent motives
s. Understanding the powerful psychodynamics of severe envy, the obliterative mindset and pseudo-spiritual transformation, contribute to the knowledge base for threat assessment practice. Threat assessment clinicians on these teams may identify the signs of envy, often subtle or revealed indirectly, and its influence on a subject's violent motives.
Desire for revenge becomes so powerful they commit revenge-based homicide or attempt it, and may even sacrifice their own lives and careers just because of the burning narcissistic envy
When the desire for revenge is powerful enough, such individuals may conclude an act of lethal violence is wholly necessary and the only logical remedy, even if it means sacrificing their own lives.
This act of extreme violence risks the lives of both self and other while providing a relatively brief period of shelter from intense narcissistic injury.
Obliterative envy describes the process by which envy, and its related mental and emotional states, are negated through an act of extreme violence. This act of extreme violence risks the lives of both self and other while providing a relatively brief period of shelter from intense narcissistic injury. Pseudo-spiritual transformation is the perpetrator's belief that violent revenge, in response to a personal grievance, is being guided and sanctified by some transcendent power, usually of personal religious significance.

Just a general heads up that though the studies I link and discuss use gendered language, all bodies that experience menstruation are included in the conversation in this thread.
Many of us have now seen ACOG's newest guidelines for treatment of PMDD, that dropped this winter. The biggest standout for me was the recommendation of regular Calcium intake- in one graphic shared on this sub referencing the new guidelines, it was recommended to try calcium supplements before SSRIs and I think before birth control.
I bought some calcium months ago but haven't taken it consistently up until about 10 days ago. I was chatting with a friend about this a few nights ago and I decided to look more into WHY calcium might help us treat PMDD and what I found was big.
Here is a link to a paper describing calcium's potential for treatment of PMS/PMDD I tried to add a screenshot of the relevant info to this post but I'm on mobile and Reddit isn't having it. TLDR; Calcium plays a crucial role in brain function, particularly in neurotransmission and signal transduction. Changes in extracellular calcium levels can affect neuromuscular junctions, potentially influencing mood and behavior. Additionally, calcium supplementation has been explored as a potential therapy for mood disorders associated with premenstrual syndrome, suggesting a link between calcium levels and mood regulation in the brain.
Finding out our menstrual cycles change our brain architecture was a big deal for me, as I am battling pseudotumor cerebri along with PMDD and am convinced one affects or has even caused the other, the more I learn about the brain's relationship to our reproductive systems. It now seems calcium may play an important role in these physical changes our brain experiences.
So, forever my own guinea pig, Ill be horking down these giant Ca pills every night and I'll check back in in a few months.
Who among us has started a Ca regimen? Anything to report/add to our sub's collective knowledge regarding this new data?

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I have advice for new plasma donors who may be considering to try it out and earn extra money:

• Plasma is 92% water and the rest is mostly protein elements.
• The plasma is separated from your blood and your red blood cells are returned to you in cycles.
• Per FDA regulations, you're only allowed to donate plasma twice in a 7 day period, with a 48 hour wait inbetween those two times. Don't risk your health by hopping around to different plasma donation centers to circumvent these regulations, and you may get caught if you do.

1. Eat a meal high in protein 2-3 hours before donating, but your plasma protein levels depend on what you ate the day before.
2. Drink plenty of water and/or non-caffeinated juice before donating to stay hydrated.
3. Avoid caffeine such as in coffee or soda before donating or you may get nauseous and vomit or faint during your donation.
4. No alcohol 24 hours before, and for a little while after donating.
5. No exercising for at least 6 hours after donating as it can put too much stress on the vein.
6. Some people get away with smoking or vaping nicotine before and after donating, but it's recommended not to for 2 hours before and after. The nicotine can raise your heart's pulse rate.
7. If your pulse rate is 100 or above, you'll be able to do a vitals retake after a 15 minute wait. But if it's 100 or higher again you'll be deferred for the day. If your pulse rate is an issue, listen to "Pink Noise" or "Green Noise" at a low volume before donating which may help reduce your pulse rate, along with its effect on lowering your blood pressure.
8. There is a risk of getting a blown vein if the worker is having a hard time finding your vein when they're sticking you with the needle or if you have small veins. You may get deferred until your vein heals if that happens. But it's ok, your body is able to regenerate your veins with a process called Angiogenesis.
9. There is a risk of blood clots, but when your blood is constantly moving through the machine it prevents that from happening.
10. You may be subject to drug screening. The drug screening tests for methamphetamines, cocaine, and heroin. Certain pharma prescription meds may show up as a false positive so you'll want to let the plasma center know what meds you're taking. Testing positive for these drugs can result in a permanent deferral from donating plasma.
11. A sample of your blood will be drawn periodically to test for certain sexually transmitted infections (STIs). A positive test will result in either a temporary or permanent deferral from donating plasma. If you've ever been diagnosed or received treatment for HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis B (HBV) or Hepatitis C (HCV) you will be permanently deferred from donating plasma.

Donating Plasma with Managed Diabetes
Individuals with well-controlled diabetes can contribute to plasma donation, but certain criteria need to be met:
Absence of Complications: This means no existing diabetic complications affecting your kidneys, heart, blood vessels, or eyes.
Insulin Independence: If you rely on insulin for diabetes management, a three-month waiting period is required after using needles for non-prescribed medications. Additionally, you must be free of symptoms or treatment needs related to blood sugar fluctuations (high or low) for the past three months.

1. Healthy Feet: Active foot ulcers requiring medical attention will disqualify you from donation.
2. Steady Balance: You shouldn't experience dizziness or lightheadedness upon standing.
3. Type 1 Consideration: For Type 1 diabetics, eating within two hours of donation is mandatory.

• Wait a few hours before taking the bandage wrap off of your arm after donating.
• It's recommended to use Vitamin E oil/Mineral oil on the needle site for the puncture area to heal better. A Q-tip can be used to apply it easier. I simply dip the Q-Tip in the bottle, but never dip the used cotton back into the bottle.
• Frequently donating over a prolonged period of time may lead to your body having decreased vitamin D levels.
  
• Red meats are particularly high in the protein vitamins and minerals found in plasma.
  
• Personally, I take a Now brand Vitamin D supplement that contains vitamin D3, Calcium, Magnesium, and Zinc. But I only take a half a dose, 1 gel capsule instead of 2, since I get these from eating meats and other foods as well. It's bad for your health if you take too much of these vitamins and minerals over time. I also take an Iron supplement. I also drink a protein shake before donating. Just to be safe.
  

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