Sorry this is long.
So, last week a few things happened. Had an old couch hauled away, which my 2 cats used to enjoy sleeping under and behind. I then rented a carpet cleaner. Did the whole house. Before this, since about late 2020, I had out of box pee incidents as well. 2 on my bed (Mattress protector and bedding saved me there), one in the corner of my bedroom. All of these coincided with trips away. The cat in question frequently sleeps in my bedroom and unless its me, hides there when someone is here. What didn't help was that while on telework for the covid stuff, I was the only one home 24/7 and while my go-to pet sitter knew them as kittens, over a year went by where they never saw her. The one cat in question basically sleeps all day in my room. So, when i started taking trips to see friends and family again, I chalked the incidents to him being spooked to come out.
Cut to now. Couch gone, loud machine present. He pees once while I'm upstairs using the machine, which is also where the litter boxes are. So, he pees. I think, ok, scary machine. He had to go. Not happy he peed on a just cleaned floor but ok. Douse it in a enzyme cleaner I still had. The smell of that stuff is honestly worse than the pee smell. Machine goes back. He has now peed 4 MORE times since. 3 in the vicinity of the 1st one, 1 up ion my bedroom in the corner that has been clean and incident free since those trips. I started closing my door for trips so that he was forced to stay downstairs, which seemed to have worked because he stopped hiding on her.
Now I'm a bit freaked out. So I called my vet. I get told i should bring him in to be checked for urinary issues, but they are booked solid and I was put on a "fit in" list. This feels outrageous. They book SO tight they cant be available for a potential emergency? Just this morning I located what I think were 2 MORE accidents. Again, in the vicinity of what I THOUGHT were cleaned up living room messes.
I'm at my wits end. I don't know what to do to make it stop. They have two large, regularly cleaned boxes upstairs. Hell they used to be perfectly fine sharing ONE. I know its # of cats +1. My house layout SUCKS for that. I can only fit these 2 top entry boxes where they are now. The entire bottom floor is an "open" floorplan with a stupid tiny half bath. There's literally nowhere down there for one that isn't just in the middle of the room. If this isn't a temporary urinary tract issue, then I have no idea what to do. Add to that i have a brand new couch arriving Thursday and I may lose it if he pees on THAT. I also don't know if I should start calling other vets/hospitals to get him in today. I'm kind of pissed my current vet has given me ZERO idea of when they might be available and in the meantime he may keep on peeing everywhere. I was already annoyed they switched my cats from a 3 year to 1 year rabies booster. Still feels like an odd cash grab or something but that's another issue.
I need help. Should I drop this vet? If its NOT a urinary issue, what in the hell do I do short of ripping up the carpet to ditch every trace of previous accidents. (a switch to LVP was planned but there's no way in hell that happens till at least next spring).

Hello. I woke up this morning to discover someone had removed the driver's side door handle from my Hyundai Accent 2015. The damaged door won't unlock with the key anymore, and none of the other doors have key-holes. My remote fell apart years ago and I never bothered with a replacement. I tried to get in through the trunk, but I can't see any obvious levers that can be used to make the seats fold down. Is there any way to fold down the rear seats from the trunk? Thank you.

In applying for jobs, I keep seeing postings from my former employer for my former position and my heart goes out to anyone who may fall for it the way I did - I’m aware I sound bitter and jaded, but this company is psychotic.
They set a standard of working minimum 11 hours a day if not more, would feel entitled to 100% of your time and constantly badger you outside of working hours, did not pay overtime, did not process work visas for the countries their employees work in (so we were technically working illegally in these countries), obviously an all around horrible work environment with screaming, verbal abuse, ad hominem and gaslighting.
This job preys on young college graduates like myself with the promise of lucrative commissions down the road when in reality it monopolizes your entire life and alienates you from any aspect of your personal life you could possibly derive joy from.
Don’t believe me? The literal structure of the job is to fly the employees out to a remote city/country and have them living together in shared apartments, meaning your roommate is your boss, so that you are in a foreign place where you know no one and have nothing better to do than work all your waking hours anyway. This is exactly why they don’t hire local and set up the work structure this way. They have their employees working in these countries illegally as they don’t bother with work visas, this is done deliberately so that you are isolated from any support system or personal life and feel pressured to fold to their insane demands.
I’ve already left bad reviews on indeed and glass door, but it fills me with so much dread to constantly see the job postings on LinkedIn. Is there any way I could have them reported or investigated or spare others from a similar fate? The job locations they put for the listings are complete lies but other than that I can’t find any other outright lies or falsehoods in the initial job listing at least. How can I warn people to stay away and let this company burn itself to the ground?

Hey ya'll, it's Devil, your friendly neighborhood mod man again... though I won't be called that for much longer here.
Thank you
First of all, from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank each and every one of you. The past few months have been incredibly troubling for us all, but you guys have made it easier to find my way through it. The community and the podcast will always hold a special place in my heart. For three and a half years I have worked as a mod of FUCKFACEPOD to build a thriving community of comment leavers. In that time we have done incredible things together.
We left our mark on Place in 2022, we held meetups at RTX, the mod team even tried streaming for Extra Life one year. And when the company was closing down around us, and we moved to a new subreddit, we quickly built a brand new space full of the same joy and humor that defined the old subreddit. However... this will unfortunately be my last stop.
It is with deep sorrow that I tell you all that I have been removed from the moderation team of this subreddit. After three and a half years, I will no longer be a moderator here for subreddit. I am so incredibly proud of this community and how far we have come. I will be forever grateful to the podcast, and to all of you for the memories and the laughter you guys gave to me.
But this isn't goodbye forever. I'll still be hanging around the subreddit as a regular ol comment leaver. I also will continue to moderate for SoAlrightPod so go check out that place. I will also continue modding for roosterteeth at least for now, though I do plan on leaving that one soon.
Goodbye
To ANEGGG I say thank you. I cannot overstate the impact Rooster Teeth has had in my life. From my very first Achievement Hunter video in 8th grade, to the final episode of the Rooster Teeth Podcast. You guys are what ignited my passion for creating things, and you're what pushed me to pursue a degree in Film. Seeing you guys pop up in the subreddit has always been a joy (Eric's comments are always fucking hilarious) and I was overjoyed when I got to meet some of you at RTX 22/23. Thank you.
To the OG mods of FUCKFACEPOD I say thank you. Some of you have only been mods for a months before we had to switch subreddits and you all adapted to the change wonderfully. The rest of you have been in the game almost as long as I have. I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to have worked with, nor better friends to accompany me. Thank you.
And finally, to the community I say thank you. I've had some pretty dark moments over the past few years, but being able to come to this subreddit and laugh at whatever random bullshit was happening has always managed to pull back into the light. I say this of not just the F**k Face/Regulation Pod community but for the wider Rooster Teeth community as well. Thank you.
I leave you now with this Spotify playlist I made.
Reminiscing
Now if you'll forgive me, I'd like to do some reminiscing about my time here:

• January 2021: u/Johnathan_Wickerino, creator of FUCKFACEPOD invites myself and three other mods to help him run the expanding subreddit.
• November 12th 2021: Myself, another mod, and a couple community members host F**kers & Flagons, a DND Extra Life stream. We raise $500.
• April 1st 2022: Place opens it's doors once more. While the Discord server is playing an April Fools prank by rebranding to a Face Jam server, the subreddit is working to build the F**k Face logo on the canvas.
• April 2022: A few weeks after Place, we celebrate the 100th episode of F**k Face.
• June 2022: FUCKFACEPOD Crosses 10,000 members. We celebrate by inviting people to play Halo Infinite. This was originally supposed to be a tournament, but due to lack of participation we just screwed around in custom games for a few hours. Thank you to Andrew Panton for joining us for the occasion.
• July 1st 2022: RTX opens it's doors in Austin for the first time since COVID. Through masks and face shields, we come together as a community once again. One of the other mods Trix hosts a community meetup outside the convention center which Geoff shows up to.
• January 2023: The first draft of many is released. We all gather round to listen to the Falls Draft.
• April 2023: The very first live Sloppy Joes Bingo takes place late at night on RTTV
• July 7th 2023: Nobody knows it yet, but this will be the final RTX. This year is my first and only year as a Guardian. While walking on the convention floor, Eric calls me over and asks me for a pen. As I hand him the pen I tell him who I am. When he's done signing autographs and taking pictures, he hands me a huge stack of baseball cards with his face on them and tells me to do as I will with them. I spend the whole weekend passing them out to people. When I get home I mail the leftovers out to 43 people.
• July 9th 2023: As Trix hosted the meetup last year, I host it this year. This year was thankfully indoors and out of the Texas sun. Two community members come to the meetup with bootleg golden gurplers and start passing them out to people. Another member brings a F**k Face Summer of 98 Yearbook which all of us happily sign.
• December 25th 2023: It is Christmas morning. Christmas has never really meant anything to me since I'm Jewish, but as I look at my phone and see a notification announcing we have hit 20,000 members, I definitely start feeling the Christmas Spirit.
• January 24th 2024: Myself and a few other members of the community play a game of Quiplash 3 using a custom F**k Face themed prompt pack. The video features a special introduction by Andrew Panton, as well as a recorded message by Eric.
• March 6th 2024: If this were to happen one week later I'd be able to make a "Beware The Ides Of March" joke. It is on this day that we learn that Rooster Teeth is being shut down.
• May 11th 2024: After two months of housekeeping and negotiations, Rooster Teeth is finally dead. Many of it's podcasts are now going independent, while others are forced to rebrand.
• Today: Who the fuck knows...

Goodbye

General Information

• Release date: May 23, 2024
• No. of players: Single System (1)
• Genre: Role-Playing, Adventure
• Publisher: Nintendo
• ESRB rating: Everyone
• Supported play modes: TV mode, Tabletop mode, Handheld mode
• Game file size: 5.1 GB
• Supported languages: Dutch, English, French, German, Italian, Japanese, Korean, Simplified Chinese, Spanish, Traditional Chinese

Overview (from Nintendo eShop Page)

Join Mario and friends on an epic paper adventure
A classic story unfolds on the Nintendo Switch system.
Collect the Crystal Stars before the bad guys do
The X-Nauts are after the treasure behind the Thousand-Year Door! With a map from Princess Peach—and the help of a few locals—Mario must journey through a colorful world made of paper to find it first.
The stars of the show
Surprises abound in this deep and engaging tale, where everyone’s got something to say and it’s often not what you’d expect! Here are just a few of the colorful characters you’ll encounter along the way.

• Mario: (A man of few words, Mario rarely speaks and prefers to let his hammer do the talking.)
• Peach: “I cannot believe this! You X-Jerks kidnapped me before I could even begin to enjoy my vacation!”
• Bowser: “Princess Peach and the legendary treasure will be MINE!”
• Goombella: “My name's Goombella. I'm a junior at the University of Goom. Nice to meet ya!”
• Koops: “My tummy's getting upset... Let's find the guy in charge before I lose my nerve!”
• Madame Flurrie: “I shall ever love the stage! I must feel the spotlight shine on me again! I MUST!”
• Yoshi: “I can hold my own! I'll swallow any opponent whole, honest! Just leave it to me!”
• Three Shadows (Beldam, Marilyn, and Vivian): “Mmmmwee hee hee hee! Time to go to work, lovelies!”
• Lord Crump: “OK, you pests! One pummeling, coming up...with extra fists!”
• Grodus: “All will kneel before the X-Naut regime! And then I, Grodus, will build a new world!”

Know when to fold ‘em
Master your badges and timing-based attacks to impress the audience in a theatrical twist on turn-based RPG combat. Make use of all the abilities that come with being cursed—er, conveniently made of paper—like folding into a plane to cross big gaps or turning sideways to slip through narrow openings.

• Badges: Earn and equip badges to customize your stats and abilities.
• Special Moves: Collect Crystal Stars to unlock powerful moves.
• “Cursed” Abilities: Find a Black Key to unlock a chest and get “cursed” with abilities that turn Mario into a plane, a tube, a boat, and more!

Leaf through a storybook world
Explore a colorful paper world with charming characters in every fold.
A classic turns the page
Twenty years after the original game on the Nintendo GameCube™ system, this version for the Nintendo Switch™ system has revamped graphics, an updated soundtrack, and gameplay additions like updated quick-travel pipes and a Partner Ring to swap characters in a jiffy.

Reviews

Aggregators

• Metacritic - 90
• OpenCritic - 90

Articles

• COGconnected - 90 / 100
• Checkpoint Gaming - 9.5 / 10
• ComicBook.com - 4.5 / 5
• Console Creatures - Recommended
• Daily Mirror - 4 / 5
• Digitec Magazine - German - 4 / 5
• Enternity.gr - Greek - 10 / 10
• Glitched Africa - 9 / 10
• Nintendo Life - 9 / 10
• Press Start - 9.5 / 10
• SECTOR.sk - Slovak - 8.5 / 10
• Saudi Gamer - Arabic - 9 / 10
• Stevivor - 9 / 10
• TheSixthAxis - 9 / 10
• VGC - 5 / 5
• Video Chums - 9 / 10

^{This list was last updated via exported from OpenCritic at 9:24 AM ET}
Cheers,
The /NintendoSwitch mod team

https://imgur.com/a/uWTaygE
Hi Everyone,
I live in the USA, northeast and am planning to install a pool heater this year. I received the quoted linked above from an electrician I've used before. He'll a 100mp sub feeder from my garage, up to my attic, across my house (80ft), down the side of my house and then trench it 50 ft to my pool equipment. The pool equipment only needs 50-60 amps top I think, but I wanted to put 100 amps out there to be safe and have to option to do yard lighting and other stuff in the future. Is 5k a good price for this work?

I'm building a 23x36 garage+office. The office portion will be 23x12 and the garage portion the rest.
I plan to buy a dual-zone MrCool unit. I'm thinking 27kbtu with 2x 12kbtu air handlers. I'm open to changes in the plan.

• The garage portion I only want to keep above 0degC. I don't care about cooling it.
• The office portion I want to be at room temperature.

Located in Alberta, Canada and the lowest temps we had in the last year were -44C. I don't expect the unit to function below around -20C. My wife is content with either resistive heat or just not using the office when it's below -20C outside. There's only a few times a year where the ambient temps are really that low. I'm putting water lines in the concrete pad and 2" XPS foam under the pad so I have the option of hydronic heating at some future point if necessary.
So I'm looking at retailers and I feel like there isn't an official Mr Cool canadian retailer. If I price out a 27kbtu unit with 2 12kbtu air handlers and 16ft of lineset ea:
mrcoolcanada.com: $5800 CAD (free shipping).
mrcoolonline.ca: $10,700 CAD ($2565 shipping).
Both sites appear to sell the 4th Gen.
That's almost a 3x difference once I factor in taxes and shipping. Is it as simple as just buying from "mrcoolcanada.com" or is that a scam site or ?
Is it as simple as literally choosing the cheapest site? Anyone have experience ordering from mrcoolcanada.com?

Hello there! I've still not entirely recovered after finishing Rebirth, that ending was just whoa. I believe I've watched/read most of the theories out there regarding the game's finale and Aerith's fate, but none of them managed to explain everything sufficiently. I admit I'm in the "I hope Aerith lives" camp, but I understand the corner the developers wrote themselves into: Aerith fans and the japanese fanbase at large will riot if she dies for good, and purists will riot if one of the games' central themes (coping with loss, grieving) is broken. A textbook case of trying to have your cake and eat it too. Unless they find a way to do both?
Trying to get my mind off FF7, I replayed Zero Escape: Virtue's Last reward (seriously try it if you were more impressed than annoyed by FF7R's multiverse shenanigans, it's the real good stuff), and one of the puzzles caused a bit of a eureka moment to me. A secondary solution to a puzzle in one of the rooms is the sentence "SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING". It obviously hints at a character in the game and not FF7, but with the implications of the two games thus far in the remake continuity (plus AC), one character in Zero Escape bears a striking resemblance to Aerith: Akane Kurashiki (Big spoiler for the first game in ZE: 9 hours 9 persons 9 doors).
Both are capable of jumping between their selves in different timelines and have awareness of it. Akane is trying to prevent her own death by gathering information she needs to escape death via incineration, from other timelines and in the future. Would Aerith resign to her own fate even in command of such a power? Pre-chapter 13 it's heavily implied she wouldn't, why would discovering that she's basically omniscient change this?
Unless she has a plan cooking. She's being relentlessly hunted by someone who also has multiversal knowledge and could overpower and kill her any day of the week. She needs to throw Sephiroth off her trail somehow. If you played Persona 5, the situation might be familiar to you... (spoilers for Persona 5 follow)
In that game, the protagonist Joker and his fellow phantom thieves are being cornered by the detective Akechi, who at that point is a traitor amongst them. How do they get out of the situation? By failing an infiltration, Joker getting caught, the tricking Akechi into a cognitive version of the interrogation room he's being held in and letting him kill Joker there. Akechi is in the belief that he killed Joker in the real world.
This got me thinking: what if Aerith pulled a similar trick? Her situation is a bit more complicated, in that she knows Cloud is under Sephiroth's control, so she has to fool the party as well to fool Sephiroth. Her mournfulness in the Ch14 date could come from her impending doom - or the guilty conscience from what she has to put the party and especially Cloud through and that she may doom one of her alternate timeline selves to death.
As for the how, there are multiple possibilities, but the one I find most likely is that she swapped her consciousness with the comatose Aerith from Zack's world. As for when it happened, I believe it was at the moment when everyone was distracted by the smoke and mirrors - the moment Cloud deflected Sephiroth's blade. Whether this happened for real and created a timeline shift, one where Aerith lived and one where she was impaled, or just in Cloud's mind, it doesn't matter. It's the ultimate red herring. Cloud can have a revelation at some point in the 3rd game that she failed to save Aerith, he still won't know that the body Sephiroth stabbed didn't have Beagle!Aerith's soul in it, but Terrier!Aerith's comatose and possibly damaged soul. Such a last-second switch of a would-be-victim isn't the first time Square pulled this. It's what happened in Chrono trigger too! Remember what Marlene said about Terrier!Aerith to Zack? "When Aerith wakes up, she will be killed." Why does she wake up? Because she switched places with Beagle!Aerith!! Terrier!Aerith's body now contains Beagle!Aerith's soul, the one that prayed at the Forgotten Capital, the one that's whole, healthy and undamaged. Marlene was right, although the "multiple versions of Aerith" thing went over her head, understandably.
And if Cloud split the timeline again by deflecting Masamune, and can see both timelines? All the better. Where is the real black materia? Hidden in the void between worlds. Where Cloud's mind is right now. That may be why he finds the black materia in his pocket. That will draw Sephiroth's attention, lure him towards his OG plan of summoning Meteor, a threat Aerith can deal with once the party defeats Sephiroth at the northern crater.
As for who fights beside Cloud in Rebirth's final boss battle? I believe it's omni!Aerith, the one who gave premonitions of the future to her self in Remake, the one who visited Cloud in his dream in Remake chapter 14.
Why do I think this explanation could predict what happens in Part 3? Because this way, the writers can keep their cake until the very last minute, then eat it. The party and the player can go through coping with Aerith's "death", then have her return at the very last minute to appease those who yearn for her survival, at the climax of the game, when Sephiroth is weakened, on his last phase and Meteor needs to be stopped. This way, she can be kept out of the plot for the most part, and her presence, both story- and gameplaywise can be a postgame reward. Not to mention the mindblowing revelation of her complex plot at the end.
Anyway, that's just my theory, I needed to write it out of me. 2027(?) can't come soon enough.

Me and my two friends (F 32-35) are on the guestlist for Pikes on Sunday and wondering what the likelihood is of us getting turned away at the door? We were planning to wear nice beachwear with bikinis underneath as we want to go mid afternoon and chill by the pool then party later. Has anyone else had issues getting in? The 3 of us made it into Berghain once but we were younger and hotter back then 😂

I used to think that maybe my father didn't quite understand how crazy my mother was and that he was such a passionate man and had to keep his marriage vows to be faithful.
My breaking point was when my parents flew to my home state to spend a weekend with the kids at a nice hotel. My husband and myself weren't invited but we took to the idea because it gave us the chance at some much needed alone time together.
This was the first time I had seen her since the previous Christmas visit, in her home, and I had told her off for recording my dad choking while laughing in his and our faces about it. (She then made it a point to send me the video recording - twice).
We invited her over to celebrate her birthday one of the days she was in town. I ordered a custom made cake for her with her favorite flavors from our favorite local baker. I worked hard to make sure the house was looking it's best in between working full time and rasing two children. I picked fresh flowers from our garden and arranged them in a way I hoped that she would like.
It was a very cold feeling upon her arrival. Short answers and questions, small talk, but cold talk. At some point I mentioned that I had been feeling depressed (it was hard to shake what happened during the Christmas visit with them) and tried some meds that my dr Rx but I didn't tolerate them well, so stopped them.
At some point my mother got up from the table and went into my daughters room. She opened her closet door and it wasn't organized. She brought the outside garbage bin inside into her room and started to toss things out. At best I thought she was just trying to help. And at worse I thought she was just being crazy again. I asked my dad to have her stop because I didn't want the outside trash bin in my house. The trash bin was brought back outside with whatever she took upon herself to toss of ours.
We sang happy birthday to her, she stood there with folded arms. The kids ate the cake, she had none, and left without a goodbye; much less a thank you.
It wasn't until the next day that my husband went to look inside the trash bin and he discovered what she threw out was our keepsakes such as framed pictures of my daughters first ultrasound and our first family dog that passed away, school clothing, a game system, things that were not helpful or wanted to be thrown away.
Soon after they returned to their home state, I get an email from them that they think I need to be in a mental hospital. For some context, I am a successful licensed mental health social worker. If I needed inpatient hospitalization I'm sure I wouldn't be able to maintain my case load, obtain multiple performance based bonuses, and continuously score 100% on my quality audits. This suggestion was supposed to be a "dig" at me, but what it did was make me finally realize she's never going to change and I don't have to keep accepting her toxic abuse.
What I've come to realize is that my father does understand how fully crazy she is. She put him through multiple crazy scenarios - (accused him of cheating, got them kicked out of their neighborhood - just to name a few) He just chooses to side with that over keeping a relationship with his daughter or grandson (even though he insists on keeping one with his granddaughter)
I gave them the option to apologize and seek help prior to us engaging in a relationship further. They chose to take me off the will soon after and I haven't heard from her since.

Hold the 1 and 3 door buttons till it flashes. Then hold your program choice while spamming your garage door with your remote. Eventually it gives you a green indicator. But fucking a if I didn’t feel like a grandpa for 10 min

Hey all!
So the premise here is that a young couple are moving in together for the first time, and it's a brief look at their first evening and morning together. I've written it as a girlfriend as this is actually based on real events, but the listener can be anyone. Girlfriend can also be changed to boyfriend if preferable :)
Fine to monetize, just give me credit and link back here :) also, if anyone wants to fill this, awesome!!!
There is a mix of internal and external monologue here. Hope I've kept that clear in the text but, if not, please let me know!
Girlfriend
(knocking on the door)
Hello! Is anyone here? Oh, hi! Sorry I’m a bit late. Took ages to load up the car. Hmm? Sorry, I know you have other clients! Yeah, of course, I’m sure they’re on the way.
(internal, sarcastically)
Well, this estate agent seems lovely. Is she actually going to let me in?
(spoken)
Are we okay to wait inside? I think it’s going to rain. Thankyou…
(internal)
I still can’t believe we’re doing this! I hope I haven’t brought too much stuff. They said they’re barely bringing anything! Oh, this place looks a little dusty! Floor’s a bit messy! I’ll have to give it a clean. God, I hope they don’t lose patience with me. Their room at home always seems so tidy, but I know their mum is a bit of a clean freak too.
(spoken)
Sorry? Yeah, this is our first place together. We’ve been going out for three years and I just got a new job, so we figured why not? Renting for now, but hoping to buy a place in a year or two.
(internal)
If they don’t run a mile after living with me for a few weeks. I’m okay to live with, right? My housemates didn’t have an issue at [insert Uni or college, depending on location]. Oh god, what if…
(spoken)
Sorry, I’m here now. Oh yeah, I remember I really liked this kitchen! New oven, cool! Tell the landlord thanks! Yeah, I may as well start signing everything whilst we wait. I’m really sure they won’t be much longer.

The sound of knocking.

Girlfriend
(spoken)
Oh, that’ll be them now! Come up! We’re just in the kitchen. Hey!
(internal)
Ah man, I still get jittery when they smile at me like that! I still can’t believe we’re doing this. I know we spend all our weekends and most evenings together but it is going to be different, actually living together. We need to get a joint account set up, we’re going to need to go shopping ASAP – there’s literally nothing in! The internet people better turn up tomorrow! I’ve only got [speaker to insert their favourite show] boxsets for us to watch and I’m not sure that’s their thing…
(spoken)
Sorry, I was miles away. So we both sign here? Oh, rules? Okay?
(internal)
Gosh, do they think we’re going to be throwing mad parties every week? We’re not kids! Security deposit? We know this already! Ah, I shouldn’t be so harsh. She’s just doing her job. But does she have to act like we’re planning on burning the place down? Oh, one year’s tenancy? No early release? Eeesh, what if they don’t want to stay… oh wow, they signed really quickly!
(spoken)
Thankyou. I don’t think I have any questions. Do you?
(internal)
There’s that smile again. They look so excited! I hope they’re not as nervous as me. Oh, she’s leaving. Good.
(spoken)
Well, here we are. Just the two of us now. No… second thoughts? No, of course not! All my stuff’s outside, is yours? Shall we get it all in first and then think about where everything is going to go? Oh, your dad’s given us that TV? Fantastic! Think my laptop might be about to die!

Around half an hour later…

Girlfriend
(spoken, sounds out of breath)
Okay! Big pile of stuff. Least we got it in.
(internal)
How do they only have like three suitcases? I couldn’t even fit everything in my car!
(spoken)
I knew I shouldn’t have brought so many books! No idea where we’re going to put them. And the bathroom really is small! I know we said we didn’t mind, but…

Sound of a kiss.

Girlfriend
(spoken)
I love you too. Sorry, I’m overthinking things again. How are you feeling? I know! Still can’t quite believe we have our own place. We really needed it. I swear my dad was deliberately being annoying half the time. Always banging around downstairs! Shush, I’m not just like him! He’ll be okay. He’s got mum. I guess it must be weird with all your kids gone.
(internal)
Dad was so great about everything. Maybe I should have let him come help us move in, but I kind of wanted this to just be us.
(spoken)
Yeah, let’s take a proper look around.
(internal)
I need to chill. This place is really nice, especially for the price. I love the living room. Still can’t believe the sofa and chairs came with the flat. The sofa looks so comfortable. I can’t wait for us to snuggle up on there. They even left a little reading lamp in the corner! I hope they don’t mind if I want to just read some nights. They didn’t really seem to before, but now it’s just us all the time…
Ahhh, I wish the bathroom was bigger! The shower’s a bit ancient. I dunno if we’d both fit in… shit, now they can see me blushing, great! Let’s move out of here quickly!
Really good cupboard space for a small bedroom. I’ve got so many clothes though. I may need to use some of their space as well! Dad was right. I should have had a clear out before I came.
(spoken, laughing)
Don’t jump on the bed like that! Because it’s all tidy! Yeah, I know nobody’s coming round today, but… I am chilled! Wait, what? Okay, fine, I’ll try it out. Yeah, it is very comfy.
(internal)
They smell so good today. I love it when they wear this. I don’t even know what it is. Guess I’ll be seeing it in the bathroom, so I know what to get them for their birthday.

Sound of kissing.

Girlfriend
(spoken)
Are you happy we’ve done this?
(internal)
It’s weird how right this feels. I know it’s just the two of us here now, and I don’t feel nervous. This is just so cool.
(spoken)
What? Let you show me? How… oh….

Sound of kissing and giggling.

Girlfriend
(spoken)
Hey you. We have a lot of unpacking to… oh, you’re so mean.

More kissing.

Girlfriend
(internal)
I love it when they stroke my hair like this. Okay, pinning my hands above my head. That’s… new. Kinda like it though. It is so good that nobody can possibly disturb us. We can literally do anything we want to! Okay, my cheeks feel like they’re on fire. Typical.
(spoken)
Okay, we can, ohhh…
(internal)
I could get used to this.

The next morning…

Girlfriend
(internal)
What time is it? Must be getting late, it’s so bright in here. We need better curtains! This bed is so comfy though. I must have fallen asleep so quickly last night. Urgh, I’m so groggy in the morning. Wait, where are they? Can I hear noises in the kitchen? And what’s that smell? Oh, they must be cooking something. Bless them. I’m still so full from last night. It was so awesome to just have the night together in our own place! They’re getting better at cooking. I’ll need to make us something tonight.
I better get up soon. It’s just so warm in here. Ah, I need the bathroom. I still feel a bit awkward about that, but they’re so lovely about it. I’ll just sneak in now…
(spoken)
Oh hey! I thought you were in the kitchen. Oh, what you carrying? Wow, breakfast in bed! Thanks!

Sound of eating.

Girlfriend
(spoken)
Oh man, this is so good! When did you become a Michelin Chef? Your mum usually cooks for us!
(internal)
How do they look so awesome even though they’ve just woke up? I bet I look a right mess. Ah, there’s that smile again.
(spoken)
What? Haha, pull the other one. If there’s one thing I look like now, it isn’t beautiful. Have you seen my hair? Looks like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards. Okay, now you’re just teasing me! I guess I better get dressed in a sec. How long you been up? An hour? You’ve been trying to build the TV stand? How’s that gone? Oh…
(internal)
Bless them. They really aren’t very good at DIY. Good thing the landlord should take care of any repairs we need. My bookshelf should arrive today. Might be better to get Dad to come help us with that. If they’re not offended.
(spoken)
Okay, I am full! That was awesome though, thankyou! I’ll cook tonight. Unless you wanted to try that takeaway we saw round the corner… haha, you really know me so well.

Sound of kissing.

Girlfriend
(spoken)
Okay, I’ll jump in the shower then I’ll come and help you! There’s something I wanted to give you as well. I meant to last night but by the time we got everything unpacked I forgot! It’s in my bag, hold on, I’ll get it.
(internal)
They’re so cute. I can see them checking me out. Don’t know what’s so hot about these pyjamas. They’re like three years old and literally have super-heroes on them. Oh god, why did I wear… no, I can’t keep overthinking this stuff. Not if we’re going to live together.
(spoken)
Here it is! I got it custom made. Open it.

Sound of ripping paper.

Girlfriend
(spoken)
It’s that picture I took of you and Bounce a few years back. Remember, for one of our first dates you took me for a walk in the forest with her? We almost lost her when she tried to chase after a bird? I know you’re going to miss her living here, so I thought you’d like a picture of her. I’d say she could come round any time, but I don’t think we’re allowed pets.
(internal)
Ah man, I hope this is okay. They really love that dog and I know it was hard on them to leave them.
(spoken)
You love it? Of course, you’re welcome! I love you too.

Sound of kissing.

Girlfriend
(spoken)
You know I over think everything and I’m a little, well, full-on sometimes, but I just want you to know I’m so happy we’ve done this. I can’t wait for, well, everything! You mean the world to me, and I’m so happy you want to live with me.
(pause, then spoken)
Here’s to the next forever!

Does anybody know of a manufacturer that offers Revit families of their interior doors. Looking for basic panel, shaker, and flush doors. Bi-fold, sliding, and swing doors.

Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
“That’s strange,” Exar said a minute later, “I’m not picking up any of the satellite constellations. If it was just one of them knocked out, I’d put it down to a scheduled maintenance. But all of em? Fishy, that’s what it is.”
“I don’t understand,” Rene’s spirits plummeted at the news. He should have known it wouldn’t be so easy.
“Me neither, chief. But take it easy!” Exar assured him, “There’s an easy fix for that. Just hike me up someplace with better reception. Any place where we can get above all these damn trees is good.”
“I’m afraid that’s not exactly an option, noble Exar.”
Rene briefly summarized the situation, filling in the details whenever Exar interrupted him with a question, which was not often.
“Got it,” Exar said after listening attentively, “In short, you’ve got a tribe of devolved humanoids on your tail, also infected by the same parasitoids as our young miss over here. Comms are down, and our closest exfil point is at least thirty-nine klicks due southeast, where our friends, ‘the Fleet’, will be waiting for you.”
“How did you measure the distance so precisely?” Rene asked.
“The T.O.R.U. you were piloting is currently in power cycling mode, but it’s still sending out its mayday message for the repair crews. Judging by the fact that it ejected us via safety pod, the unit must’ve suffered potentially catastrophic damage to its subsystems. Not to worry, though. My inbuilt Geiger counter just gave the all-clear, so there was no meltdown in the reactor core.”
“The most pressing issue is that you have less than 72 hours’ worth of fungicidal doses left, and nothing with which to defend yourself but the monomachete from your kit. In addition, this young lady—”
“Zildiz,” Rene supplied him.
“My bad—Zildiz. I like it, very exotic. Zildiz belongs to a culture which behaves aggressively towards Exodus Industries development projects here on the ground. That everything?” Exar briskly concluded.
Rene nodded. Exar then immediately began outlining a plan of action. Their first priority was to gain altitude and establish communication with ‘Exodus Industries’, an entity which Rene assumed was the ancestor-gods’ equivalent to Fleet Command.
Exar would then signal for help using the spinning bowl (which it referred to as an ‘allcomm antenna’) and an interstellar shuttle would be sent to transport them to the one of the moons.
The moons! Rene was giddy at the prospect of becoming the first man to have returned to mankind’s celestial origin. He tried not to get his hopes too high, however, knowing life’s avowed fondness for ruining every dream a man ever had.
Failing that, Exar would use the high vantage point to triangulate their position using nearby geographic landmarks. Once they had their bearings, it would be a simple matter of hiking over to the nearest hardened base and knocking on the airlock doors.
“I must say, you’re taking all this bad news remarkably in stride, wise Exar,” he told the beeping sphere.
“Oh, puh-leeze! This ain’t my first rodeo, pardner. We E.X.A.R. units have dealt with far worse in our time.”
“Really? Worse than Arachnea?”
“Oh, is that what the kids are calling this place these days? Sure is catchier than 65 Syngman Bb, lemme tell ya. But yeah, this here is nuthin.”
Exar chuckled, a child amused by the backwardness of his senile grandparents.
“Alien plague strains from the thawed-out heart of an asteroid. Cosmophage armadas unleashed by rogue A.I. Not to mention all those privateer raids on the fringes of Pact space. We’ve dealt with them all, helped people survive through the worst the galaxy can throw at them. And with 95% success rate, too, if I may add,” Exar said somewhat immodestly, “Anywho, that’s enough of me jawing. Let’s go mobile, chief.”
“What, right now?”
“The mist’s our best shot, bo-sing. Natural concealment. No telling how long it’ll last.”
Before they left, Rene had Exar explain the functions of all the tools in the kit. The sphere confirmed what Rene had suspected: the slate fed on the radiance of the suns. Exar called it a ‘solar cell panel’. In turn, the pronged cords attached to the solar cell could transfer energy to artefact he wanted to use.
He connected the panel to the mysterious gauntlet with the underslung pipe, which Exar informed him was a ‘laser designator’, a tool meant for guiding in airdropped supplies or flying machines.
“It also doubles as a heat source. Just up the wattage on that sucker with the slide wheel on the edge of the hand. See it?”
Rene put on the gauntlet and activated it by means of a green switch under the thumb. A tight needle of red light shone from the tube, and Rene understood that it was basically like the electrochemical torches that miners used. When he adjusted the slide wheel the needle of light narrowed and grew brighter. Where it touched the granite walls of the burrow there, sour-smelling wisps of smoke rose.
Hot enough to scorch stone? He would have to be careful where he pointed this.
“Go easy on it, though,” Exar advised him, “That kinda power output will drain the juice in a jiffy.”
“The juice?” Rene repeated stupidly.
Exar made it clear to him that the artefacts could store ‘the juice’ from the panel. Moreover, the panel could be mounted on the front or the back of the jumpsuit by means of the same backpack rigging that held the breathing apparatus, allowing the user to collect the juice and charge up to two devices (Exar included) even while on the move. Even the bulky survival kit could be could be fastened to his loadout with a set of clasps at the bottom of the pack which Rene hadn’t noticed.
“As for me, I can hitch a ride on your backpack as well,” Exar told him brightly. And indeed, there was a spherical indentation above the breathing apparatus where Exar could fasten himself in with his stubby spike legs.
Rene whistled appreciatively at the compact nature of the jumpsuit’s design; the entire survival kit was so cleverly put together, a testament to the ancestor-gods’ practical mindset.
He secured his gear, choosing to split the juices between Exar and the gauntlet, and got ready to leave. Rene crouched at the hatch of the burrow like a man in a trench waiting for the shrill whistle that would propel him up and over into the desolate no-man’s land.
Then he noticed Zildiz still huddled in place, not even daring to look at him or the talking sphere. Rene had originally been grateful that Exar’s appearance had shut her up, but this state of catatonic shock of hers worried him.
“Coming?” he asked her.
“I’m not going anywhere with that…that thing!” she stated categorically.
“Was it something I said?” Exar sounded hurt.
“The simulacrum said it would cut me out of my exomorph. That would kill me, Fleet-man.”
“Madame, I got no intention of hurting you!” Exar protested, “But the fact is, you’re sick. The parasite’s attached to so many of the organs in your body, that I fear that it’s totally coopted their functions. Our people have the technology to reverse all that.”
“I will not heed the promises of a slaved intelligence!” she snapped.
Their argument was interrupted by a chorus of hair-raising screams from the jungle beyond. Even in those guttural, inhuman voices there was no mistaking the notes of grief and rage.
“They’ve found Kryptus,” Rene surmised, “Just like you said they would.”
“I take it the natives are restless,” Exar tittered nervously, “Tailo, methinks we gotta go.”
Rene saw Zildiz hesitate, weighing the balance of her fears and forming an internal consensus. He made a move to tip the scales in his favor, and spoke to her from the heart:
“Zildiz. I swear to you that as long as it is within my power to protect you, I will not allow you to come to harm. You are a prisoner of penultimate importance to the Fleet. I’d sooner die than fail in my mission to get you back to civilization. If you doubt my intentions, consider the fact that nobody in their right minds would’ve tried so hard to keep you alive, not unless they have very good reasons to do so.”
“I am not like the Leapers or your people, the Gallivants. I am a soldier of the Fleet, and my priority is the continuation of my species—our species,” he added firmly, “Now, I can’t begin to imagine what horrors and depravities your kind have suffered these past few centuries, or what the Vitalus has taught you to believe. But in my mind, we are all one people under the same god. If that god is the Vitalus, then it is clear that he hates us. Why else would he, in all his supposed omnipotence, condemn us to live in this unending state of warfare and ignorance? Why does he forbid the full use of the human intellect, the sole source of our comfort and security in an uncaring universe? Why must he despise us so?”
“I don’t know the answers to those questions. But I do know this: I do not hate you, Zildiz of the Gallivants. In fact, I would very much like to help you. Will you let me do that?”
Rene stood up and lifted the hatch, turning to offer her a hand.
“Besides! If you come with me, we can go ask the gods in person.”
This is certainly new, Zildiz thought, unsure of what to make of Rene’s offer. His suggestion of a pan-kindred alliance bound together by their shared ancestry was ridiculous, of course. She knew enough of the mathematical models and the general principles of nature to know that such an undertaking was doomed by definition. And yet here was an opportunity unlike any other.
Rene meant to take her to one of the last remaining holdfasts of the Betrayers. Who would have thought that those ancient demons were still clinging on to life, lurking in some nameless abyss, waiting for their chance to wreak one final act of vengeance upon an unsuspecting Arachnea.
And here she was, uniquely placed to destroy them all in one fell stroke. Once she was nestled in that abode of evil, a single transmission from her magnetosynaptic organ to the Vitalus was all it would take to bring Its righteous fury down upon them.
The rewards would be immense. At the very least they would make her a Matriarch. Her gilt helix would live on forever in the generations to come, her legacy enshrined in the undying architecture of the genome. Her children would never go hungry or cold for the rest of their lives. She and her brood could have their pick of exomorph grafts.
Infrared eyes for night stalking, hypo thorax stabilizer tendons for prolonged flight, extra waste ducts, subdermal heat signature regulators, biochemical afterburners to add thrust, not to mention a whole slew of offensive weaponry—nothing would be off the table!
All she had to do was take Rene’s hand.
She did. The Fleet-man lifted her up out of the burrow, trying not to look too surprised at her acceptance.
A very naïve race, she decided. He caught her calculating gaze and must have mistaken it for the beginnings of friendship, for he said:
“Glad to have you aboard, Zildiz. Now let’s get the hell out of here.”
Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road