This is super long but I need help badly.
I (f24) recently married the love of my life (m27). We had been together for 6 years before getting married. I’m mentally ill (Bipolar, ADHD, Anxiety, PTSD) but have been very stable for a year, even though I had an episode a few months ago. I used to use drugs and I’ve attempted suicide before. He’s been with me through it all. After he proposed, we had a long talk about me explaining that I need help. I basically gave him an out. I told him that I will do everything I can for us, but that I’ll need more from him than he will from me. He agreed and I reminded him that I’m stable now and that could change. But he’s lied to me a lot and won’t communicate.
I’ve worked really hard to get him to communicate with me, but he doesn’t do a great job at it. He’ll get upset over small things and take his anger out on me by being cold. I encouraged him to read a marriage book that my counselor recommended and he says he will but I have to constantly remind him. He also lies to me, which I’ve asked him not to. He’s also asked me to share less and less personal stuff with him. Like if I’m feeling suicidal or feel like self harming or any fights with my parents. Recently, I suggested we go to his parent’s house for Mother’s Day because I know he’s been missing his mom. It’s extremely stressful for me and I get severe anxiety with his family since I’m still learning their language and they don’t speak mine. We were running late, but he’s Hispanic so his family hadn’t even started on dinner by the time we were supposed to be there. I was taught by my parents to show up on time. I was taught by my husband and his family to show up whenever. So I asked my husband if I could have time to curl my hair and it would make us 20 extra minutes late. He said yes but I double checked and his answered stayed the same. He started acting weird, quiet, and stressed. It started stressing me out but we left. Then we stopped by the store to get flowers but they had none so he came into the car and slammed the door. It scared me so I teared up and he kept saying, “Let’s go home, I don’t want to go anymore.” I wanted to go home but I knew that he didn’t so I apologized for crying, put on his favorite song, scratched his back, and told him I’m going to continue driving to his parent’s and if he really wants to go home, tell me. He didn’t say anything and I was trying not to cry, but I was upset I ruined it and I was extremely overwhelmed. We got to his parent’s, he gave me a hug, then said “sorry.” He went inside like nothing was wrong so I acted happy too. We were only supposed to stay for 2 hours. 1.5 hours in my stomach started hurting bad so I asked my husband if we could leave. He said yes but we ended up staying 3 hours. On the drive home, he said that it was me curling my hair that made him stressed. I was really angry. We came home and he asked if I needed to vent about what was going on and that he wouldn’t get upset. I basically told him that he’s been rude to me lately, not taking care of me, and not appreciating the things I do. I explained how tonight he lied to me into thinking that something was okay, because he said it was okay, but he takes his anger out on me for it. He got very upset and told me he’s going out of town for work for 3 days. I told him I’m not okay with that. Going out of town for work is a rare thing and optional. Last time he did it, he didn’t tell me until I called him at the time he was supposed to be home (6pm) and he said he’s not coming home until 4am. When that happened, I asked him that next time he communicate it with me and accept trips no longer than 2 days. He agreed then. He basically told me that he wasn’t asking and he needs this to get away from me and he’ll be leaving Wednesday and come back early Friday. I told him we should compromise and he just ignored me. This all happened on Mother’s Day.
A few days ago, my mom got in a really bad car accident. I asked him to cancel his trip so he could help me with her and he said no and made up some bs excuse. I called out the excuse and told him to tell me the truth and he said he needs this. So I said okay and dropped it. Then last night I see him packing and ask him why he’s packing if he’s not leaving until Wednesday. He told me he’s leaving on Tuesday. I break down into tears and tell him this is not how relationships work. You can’t just do things on your own, lie, and not communicate and expect things to be okay. I also found out he gets back late Friday night. I felt heartbroken and had a panic attack. He asked me if there’s anything he can do to help and I told him he can cancel the trip and use $300 to take a weekend for himself at a hotel. It’s a fair compromise. At least I’ll be prepared for that. I needed his help on Tuesday (today) and had a plan to have a fun night together so I don’t bother him with any of my problems while I’m gone. He said no he’s going on the trip. He told me a month ago that because he does so much for me, he feels like he shouldn’t have to compromise. I started crying harder and told him that this isn’t good for my mental health and he starts punching the couch and then goes into our room and slams the door. I just sit on the couch afraid to move and afraid to make it worse. I convinced myself that the greatest gift I could give him is peace and just tell him it’s okay if he goes. I went in to tell him that and he replies that he “doesn’t care.” I told him I have some requests. I want him to text me every morning, have a 30 minute minimum phone call every night, that he reads the book for at least 30 minutes daily, that he attends a counseling session with me, and when he comes home for the weekend he apologizes and treats me better than he’s ever treated me. Most importantly, I asked that he would be kind to me that night so we could have a good memory. He said he can’t just pretend nothing’s wrong and be nice to me. He said he’s mad at himself, not me. I told him that he’s taking it out on me. He finally was nice. I asked for his help creating a plan in case I feel suicidal since my therapist is away for 2 weeks. He wouldn’t help me with it. That’s how we ended the night. I woke up this morning in pain. I couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t eat, and couldn’t complete my responsibilities. He texted me good morning but they were just words. His words are meaningless and I got angry and said some things I regret. Like sending him a picture of his vows and calling them lies. He told me he would call me 3 hours ago but he hasn’t. I feel so much anger towards him but I need to keep it inside or else I’ll make the situation worse.
I truthfully want to kill myself. I feel like our relationship is over. I’ve been thinking of going to a hospital but I can’t miss work because he wants to get out of our current living situation and every dollar counts.
I don’t know how to make him communicate or be honest with me. He’s not always like this. For example, we had a great weekend together and he took such good care of me. When he acts like this, it can trigger a minor episode since I’m medicated because of all the stress. Which sucks because I need his support more and he withholds it. It all feels like a punishment for the venting I did.
I’m sorry this is long but I need some type of advice, hope, reassurance, or something to make me not want to die. I’m off today and can’t imagine going into work tomorrow or the next 2 days. I’m a registered behavior technician (RBT) that works with an autistic client. I’m so depressed how am I supposed to help anyone else?

I created this account, to vent some of my frustration. I won't be commenting, looking, or editing it after I post. No, I'm not a bot, but sometimes I wish I was.
One of my best friend tried to kill himself, he left a farewell message which wasn't supposed to be interpretted as that, but I understood. I called every hospital in the area looking for his name, until I found one. When I went to visit him, I wasn't sure if I'd be finding him dead or alive. I worked up the courage to walk into the room, and found that he was surprised to see me. With so much frustration and anger in my mind, I just started yelling at him, wondering what the fuck he was thinking and why he didn't just call me. He couldn't answer, but a tear rolled down his cheek and my anger subsided and turned into grief, depression, then sorry. I asked him, why and he said told me I knew why. He struggled with major depression for years, like me. I tried my best to be a friend and help him out of that hole, but nothing I did would help. I thought maybe if I put my depression to the side and helped him with his I'd find a way of curing my own. I was never overt with any of the actions, I lent out a helping hand when neeeded and hung out with him when he was down. We've both had terrible traumas— his from neglect and financial issues, and mine from abuse and bullying, but I thought because we both suffered we would be able suffer together. I visitied him when his family was there as I was the nuclear detterent. I watched his mother and brother hurl insults at eachother while I tried to lighten the mood, the brother cared for him, the mother didn't. It seemed like she was there, just to say she showed up. I've known her for a while, she's callous, she always has a couple boyfriends on her side, but she never tries to keep them around. When the brother and the mother were around the entire room was filled with a negative aura and you can feel it, it was never pleasant and when I left tensions only raised. I visited him when work allowed me to, but after he was transferred to the psych ward, my schedule didn't fit in with any of the visitation hours so I never could. When he left the psych ward, what followed were days of him visiting my workplace during my lunch hours telling me that he would attempt it again, "it could happen any day now." My words seemed so hollow and breathless as I tried to sounding them out. I questioned myself, "What could I say? What could I do? Why is he telling me this?" This happened almost everyday for a couple of months, he would visit me and utter the same words. One day, I asked him, "How do you want me to respond to this" and to his non-challant reply was, "I don't know take it as you well." He was always forgetful, so I hoped he would forget about me too. Some nights we would get boba and he would tell me I was part of the reason he did it. I didn't know how to respond and I still don't. What did I do? I was completely and utterly drained of any emotions, sadness, depression, anger, grief. He was a boa constrictor wrapping it's body around mine smothering me to death. Nothing mattered to me, and so one day, I left without saying a word. He is still alive and hasn't tried anything since then, to which I am thankful. But I never answered his texts or calls. In this rough patch, I started unravelling because everything around me was unfolding.
I was still talking to the above friend, during this time when I got a call from my brother, "She's in the ER because she OD'D. Can you bring some blankets?" He was completely devoid of any urgency or emotion, I understand he doesn't handle them very well, but the calmness of voice only irritated me and made my bite my tongue til I bled. My mind was blank as I sped down the highway at 100mph. I remember the flickering lights as I paced through the hallway, a nurse recognized me from my personal life, but I brushed her off saying that I didn't know her as she was part of our church. Our family is conservative and if this got out, then all eyes would be on us with looks of disappointment and shame. I couldn't tell anyone. I hesitated, a roller coaster of emotions overwhelmed me as I grew closer and closer to the room. The same ones that had enveloped me with my best friend, but this one was brought on by so much shame. "How didn't I see this coming? What sort of brother am I, that I can't protect my only sister? Please... Please... Please.. don't be dead." I stopped in the hallway, where my brother stood and he just said he was getting a sandwhich. I watched him go as he walked away, not an ounce of grief, but after I saw him I noticed there was confusion and sadness in his face, but his words remained neutral as if he were trying to keep it together. I approached the door and hesitated right before going in, rubbing tears that were running down my face and collecting myself the best way I could. I saw her lying there, so helpless, barely alive, and struggling to breathe. My stomach sunk, my heart dropped, and my lungs collapsed. No physical pain, no abuse I had suffered, no moment would have prepared me for this, but as I looked at her she looked at me. I walked over and remarked, "This is because I didn't kill the spider, isn't it?" She laughed in pain the best she could, and my Dad added into and gave me a small slap on the head laughng as well. I saw her arms and saw the cuts and how deep they were. The heart monitor started fading and transforming into ringing within my ears. I sat down and talked to my Mom and Dad to see what we needed. They asked for blankets, which I forgot, and something to eat. I told them to go home as I'd just stay here to watch over her. They both said no at first, but my Dad reluctantly agreed after realizing there was no one to watch his business the next day. I nearly lost my mind. Your daughter is laying here in the ER, and you still need someone to watch the business? I volunteered to do it, but I stayed in the hospital until the I had to leave as I watch the seconds turn into minutes, the minutes to hours. The clock has never moved that slow before, I felt like I was frozen in every moment. It was only after I had learned she was raped three times. My blood boiled, my face turned hot, as I was heading to my car demanding who did it. He'd done this mutliple times. throughout the year, and I had no idea. I reached a point where I stormed out of my house, but my brother asked me where I was going. I told him that I was going to find him, and beat the living shit out of them. He stopped me and told me, that that's why she didn't tell me. I didn't understand it it all, why he wasn't hopping into the car with me to this mother fuckers house after knowing all of this. He didn't want me to know because I'd go over to the hospital demanding her and asking her who did it. He was right. I calmed down, but if he wasn't there I would have found the fucker and I would have beaten the living shit out of them. I told my best friend what happened, and he tried to keep me calm and tried to get my mind off of things. We went to a friends birthday party and I could still hear the heart monitor ringing as I watched everyone have fun, eat, and party over this friends birthday. I felt like an extra, just playing the part of someone who's there to be there. I laughed and made jokes, but this hole in my chest kept getting wider and wouldn't close. I hadn't slept in three days, and the pain was like I was being eaten alive without being able to scream in agony. When we returned to the hospital, she was moved to a different facility, because she wasn't needed in the ER any longer. The nurses asked me to leave as they said that visiting hours were over, but they fell upon empty ears. I wasn't moving. I stayed there all night, and woke up the next morning. I don't remember falling asleep, I just blacked out at one point. I could tell you that when I woke up, all I saw where white walls, white floors, and white sheets. The typical hospital smell that filled the air with ammonia as it burned through my lungs. The heart monitor started to lose it's preptual ring and began to sound normal again. None of these details are important, but I remember them so well as if I'm living that moment right now. This was my second close call. She was home within the next week, but this trauma made our family a lot closer— but, there's a new edition to the family in the shape of an elephant, he doesn't speak to us and we don't speak to him, but he's always there. I haven't been able to look at her the same way, because I'm not sure what will set her off, and the scars on her arms still make me sick to the stomach.
My second best friend was tearing at the seams while all this was happening and I was trying to get his life back together, but something just wasn't clicking with him. I saw him descend into an abyss that I couldn't pull him out of, he started stalking his ex, binge drinking at work, in public, etc. , doing more and more drugs. I went to his rented out room where the landlord would help him do his laundry, cook for him, allow him to have pets even though she was against it. She was kind to him, and I had hoped that might have had some affect on his mental state, but he couldn't get out of his head. He nose dived and I tried to bring him back up, but I couldn't so I gave up. I was emotionally and physically exhausted from everything, in a puddle of a quicksand trying to get out, the more I resisted the further it pulled me down. I was in a boxing match with hit after hit after hit, I just couldn't stand it anymore, but this man gave me a family when mine abused me, he gave me a home when I didn't want to go back to mine, he allowed me to express myself and be free when I was in a position where everyone wanted to chain me, he became a friend when I needed one the most. I pleaded with my group to look after him a little bit more, we could take shifts, but no one cared or wanted to listen. "You can't help someone who can't help themselves." After his nose dive, I told him I couldn't do this anymore and I'd rather kill myself to watch him destroy himself, so I stopped speaking to him— after all, you can't help someone who can't help himself. I removed myself from the group and started working on myself. It had been a year since we last talked, he wrote one story on Instagram that caught my attention, "Maybe everyone was right about me." By this time, I had finally collected myself, I was in a good place, and I had every intention of talking with him again and helping him get back on track if I could, whether it be reaching out or just treating him like a person as if it were a typical Tuesday. As I was typing in the words, I stopped myself and said I needed a little bit more time. I was in the midst of a massive project at work that needed to be completed in two days. The next day, I got a text from one of the mutal friends in the group I had left, "He's dead. They found his body in his room." I stared at the phone for a few seconds. My mind blank. I just put my phone down and kept working.
I haven't talked to a therapist about any of this, but I have mentioned it. None of them seem interested in exploring it so it must not be that important, but I feel the need to get this burden off my chest. These three events happened concurrently, and after the dusk settled, I looked closer into all of the close relationships I had, and how many of my closest friends had ended up hurting themselves in a way to "heal." Nearly all of them. They would vent their struggles to me, and I always became an ear because people just need to be heard. Maybe they had problems before I met them, maybe they didn't. I'm probably stretching my own importance in their lives, but the nagging tick that bothers me is that I feel like I am the common denominator.

Hi, I (27F) have had two microdiscectomies on L4-L5 over the last 4 years. Long story short, the first one was successful and gave me my life back. I developed a rare condition that paralyzed my stomach in 2021. So after four stomach surgeries in a matter of a year and losing weight rapidly, the theory is that my core was weakened and I somehow reherniated my disc last April 2023. After PT and injections with no improvement and due to my limited pain management options as opioids slow down my gastric emptying even more I got my second microdiscectomy in July 2023. This time the pain did not get better after surgery.
I got an MRI in September 2023 and the disc was still herniated and pressing on nerves. I didn't have horrible sciatica but the pressure I felt in my back was a 7-8/10 on the pain scale daily. I was debating between a fusion or disc replacement (I have had multiple different opinions and consultations with surgeons).
Fast forward to two weeks ago. I had a vacation planned for over a year and I was in SC, I live in WI, and I stepped off of a curb and felt tremendous nerve pain and it brought me to my knees. I couldn't put my shoes on or lift my legs for a few days. I started steroids immediately but that didn't help. Under the advice of the telemed health provider I was seeing/my neurosurgeon in WI, I went to the emergency room for an MRI. It is standard, I was told, to get a full MRI of the spine if it is an emergent MRI which I have never had because I have only had issues in my lumbar region. While in the machine, the tech comes over the loudspeaker and asks me if I have ever been told I have an extra vertebrae, to which I replied no. Once I was out of the machine she showed me the image and counted with me, told me she counted 30 times, reshot some images and had three other colleagues look at my MRI to confirm. So technically I have an L6 but no one would have been able to tell that by just looking at my lumbar region.
I see my neurosurgeon tomorrow and am wondering if anyone else has ever had this happen to them?

16M, I have for the most part decent attendance, the only reason I have absences is either a sick day but my mom forgot to give me a doctors note or I was late because of my bus, My mom is sick of driving me and paying for ubers if I miss the bus so she made an empty threat of saying she will make me walk of I was ever late again, cut to today and I was late, I woke up but had stomach issues. ended up missing my bus and I couldn't contact my mom for 2 reasons. 1, she would kill me and I'm convinced she would make me walk or call me and Uber but ground me when I got back, 2 even if I wanted to contact her I couldn't because I was so panic-stricken I couldn't find her new number in my phone. I hate using the school bathroom because my school has an issue with vape kids, attempted drug use, drugs, fights, etc. The school locked down the bathrooms and now has security watching them and we have a limit. The bathrooms are nasty so I use it at home and hold it for the rest of the day but I took too long thanks to that jelly I ate (freshly picked strawberries, I think something got into one of the jars I ate but my siblings have no issues, only me) I literally had everything planned to be on time but it was messed up because I this
Without thinking I set up my GPS and started walking to school, it was painful because it was hot and my water bottle broke a month ago so I had nothing. After picking the fastest route I started sprinting a little and made it to Wawas (it's close to the school) I turned off my GPS becausei knew the rest of the way, but when I finished I heard hissing, a creaking duck started running at me and I was freaking out because I didn't know ducks could hiss, it had its family around so I just took a photo and continued my sprint, I brought a bottle of water and put the extra in my phone case just in case this happened again without my wallet on me.
I was so scared of what would happen that I just kept going without thinking, while walking I find several dead turtles and I finally make it to school, my legs hurt and I was tired, I check my bag to find I had to deodorant. Security asks me why I was late and I explained the above and the securitystarted laughing and saying I was dedicated, one mentionedhow I should have just stayed home. I tell my first block teacher what happened and she started laughing and I showed her the photos I took. Our of curiosity she looks how long I would have to walk from my house to the school, 1 hour and 3 minutes. I was dripping with sweat but I was an hour late, I told the story to my other teachers and my second block was concerned and told me not to do it again, my third block teacher was loving it because I tell her stuff like this all the time, and my last block teachers was shocked. My bus driver was even in disbelief as well. For those about to say “OP just buy and Uber” Im broke and I'm trying to save money to get it back up again so I'd rather spend money on something cheap than an Uber which would cripple my account
I ranted to the girl I was talking to and she told me I literally could have just called her or any of my friends but I was so focused on how I was late that I didn't even consider it as an option, I felt like an idiot and one of my classmates said I can tell my future kids that I had to walk a mile to get to school. To make it worse I still have to cut the grass when I get home
I now have to tell my mom that I got another UE Absence without talking about how I had diarrhea, the shame man…
TLDR, miss the bus because I had jelly and walked/sprinted an hour to get to school just to be marked absent and almost attacked by a duck

I believe I was. I’ve told friends about my life and I’ve talked to my parents about their treatment, but I keep getting told other people have it worse or I didn’t have it that bad. I wonder if I’m just being dramatic.
Some non-chronological events:
I would ride along with my mom searching for my dad when he would go on drug binges. I watched my dad hit my grandma over and over after he had to turn the car around because he forgot his wallet at home. She started "talking too much". After he beat her, she laid across the backseat in silence. I was silent too. I wished for superpowers so that when he hit her, I would be the one to feel her pain instead. I screamed at the crackhead women my dad invited into the house after he was gone on a drug binge. She threatened to throw me out of the window. My dad stayed silent. My dad invited that same women into the house a few months later, because she apologized to him. My dad used to give me frequent back scratches. He would trail his hand down my back and rub the area just above my butt. My dad was inebriated and knocking on each of our bedroom doors. My mom texted me to not open my bedroom door for him but I needed to pee. By the time I came back, he had a blanket on the ground and was asleep. My stomach sunk. I slept under the bed. My mom dragged her fingernails across my face and asked what I was going to do about it and if I was going to fight back. My dad called me a waste of brain cells because he went down the wrong way in a one way street going to a fair. He turned around and drove home. I locked myself in my room and sobbed and texted my mom that I didn't want to live anymore. I woke up in the hospital after my suicide attempt to my dad in the room. The first thing he said to me was that I must really care what people think about me. In a drafted suicide note, I addressed each person in my life except my mom. My mom found it in my room and photocopied it. She wrote notes on the side and was upset that I didn't write to her. My dad threatened to give me and my sibling up to adopt some children who would actually spend time with him. My dad badmouthed me to a date when I was in the backseat of his car. I filled out a sheet in elementary school for fun with my friends. It was for something like a summer camp. My mom chased me throughout the house and snatched it. She asked if I was trying to send myself away. My dad told me to not tell authorities about him because I'd get taken away. My mom told me I needed to go home. I cried on the way home because I thought she was going to kill herself after she stopped responding to my texts. She left scavenger hunt instructions for the key to her bedroom. Inside her bedroom were letters to each of us detailing that she was leaving my dad. I didn't see her again for months.

Random had stood and made his case Before The Northern Court of the Arch Fae and it had gone... well?
He had dealed and bargained, tricked and charmed, willed and won a place for human nature among the spirits of the frozen top of the world. At one point, he'd used a small trick he'd learned from a game to create tiny auroras and used his knowledge of the cosmos to convince the arch fey of the north that he was the regent of Polaris, come to bridge the elemental metals of the deep Earth with the stars. It had technically been a lie, but they'd bought it.
Still, there was a feeling deep in the pit of his stomach that told him that this was not over yet, and almost as soon as he had the thought, he woke in the mountain cave he'd wandered to in order to seek out the Fay, with a splitting headache, short of breath. By the faint embers left in the dark cave, he could see the snow had pilled up in front of the cave entrance and the room had filled with smoke from the fire while he meditated.
*crap*
He tried standing up to get over to the entrance as fast as possible. Immediately, his vision blossomed into blooms of pain and he had to still himself.
Ok. Bad idea. That was absolutely horrible.
Slowly then.
On hands and knees he struggled forward, low to the ground, trying to control his increasingly urge-driven gasping breathing, as if through a house on fire. Reaching the snow-covered entrance, he tried to melt it with a simple thermal spell from his fingers... to find that nothing at all had happened. His magic was simply gone. Without breath, he could neither maintain concentration nor incant words of power upon the world.
But he could dig.
And crawl.
And try to tunnel with his arms outstretched.
Utill a numb purple hand, and then an arm, and a shoulder and a head and a body emerged into the freezing dark night air, which cut into his lungs like shards of ice. But he was alive.
And as breath slowly returned to him, after an hour or so of lying exhausted, completely spent in his vaguely warm cloak on the terribly cold, empty snowy plain, he realized something strange...
But he wasn't really sure what it was at first.
And then he noticed:
He was looking up at the sky.
And the strange thing was that the sky seemed to be looking down at him, Polaris ever so slightly above the center of his vision.
And just as he noticed this, as if in answer, it burst into aurora brighter than any he had ever seen.
And then he noticed something else, perhaps the oddest thing of all:
His own arm, outstretched, the five points of his fingers reaching out on their own and casting the colors into the sky.
"huh... that's... really cool."
And then he fell unconscious.
...
A day later, a search party that had set out to find him and followed the aurora to the mountains north of cosmopolis found his body, cold and frostbitten, but alive. They brought him back and placed him in a hot spring to recover.

TL;DR - selfish asshole of an older brother scams me and my parents out of $200.
Okay, so I’m not doing too well financially, but I live with my Mom and Pops so we try to make ends meet. A couple weeks back we were in such rough shape financially, that I had to juggle three day jobs just to cover rent and suppress the collector’s from knocking on the door regarding our collective debts. We so broke I literally can’t even afford to sleep because in the night=I can get freelance work done. “I can sleep when I’m dead,” has become my full-time motto (unfortunately). Anyways, to try to bring some income in my household I offer services as a freelance video editor.
A while back, my older brother (who’s a career criminal and has flee’d multiple countries when authorities were after him for violent offences) hit me up and asked if I’d be down to edit for him. I was hesitant at first, being as last time I heard from him was after he beat our Mum to a pulp when I was only 12. For context bro or sis, whoever you are that is reading this: if I was only three years older I wouldn’t have let that slide—I would have mobbed his ass right then and there, pinned him down and done him so fucking dirty… IDGAF if my 15 year old ass had gone to juvie for it, I would do anything for my mother, including take a life. But instead, all that’s been imprinted in my brain is how much of a bitch I was at 12–cowering under the dining table as he took multiple shots with a shoe, at our crying helpless mother on the ground.
Anyways it’s been a few years, I’m 24 now and he gave me a big sob story how he has changed. I bought it up like the good little sheeple I am… started editing for him under the guise that he’d pay me $200 per video: SCORE! That’s a lot of money!!!
I got to know his business (shady as fuck) and got to find out he now dreams of being a finance influencer (double shady) but alas, he’s my big bro and no matter what wrong-doing he’s doing, he convinced me that he was a good man. Ight, bet, I’ma edit for him and make some money for the fam! In between his ‘takes’ of videos he sends me, I piece together that his “wife” films the videos, and he’s still an extremely abusive person. He tries not to let it show on camera, but I’m really good with people, emotions and hidden trauma so I can feel the sickening ‘abuser-of-people’ energy SEEPING off of him, still, to this day. I feel sick to my stomach editing for him, but shit, he’s promised me $200 per video. Over the course of a few weeks I can see why he never told us about his wife, it seems he keeps her pent up somewhere in Georgia, Batumi, and forces her to do whatever he wants. He once referred to her as “his slave” which I originally thought was A JOKE, but now in the grand scheme of things… I don’t think it was a joke. I pray that authorities get to them before he does something to her, but idek where to begin to put a ‘concerned citizen tip’ in a foreign country.
Some context as to why I put up with all the red flags: Mom’s not working as she has to take care of the house and she’s also trying to make money online, any ways possible. She’s starting to sell her favourite clothes. It fucking breaks my heart that I can’t do shit about it… at 24 years old, with all the social media influencing and advertising, I feel like garbage that I can’t fully support my parents… at least not yet! Dad is constantly depressed because he’s almost 80 years old and can’t retire ‘cuz my parent’s are in too much debt.
Okay, anyways, three BIG videos done for him (by big, I mean I spent +8 hours on each vid) and brother’s paid me for ONE via PayPal… no worries, he keeps leading me on saying the money will come, the money will come. And PayPal says I got $200 coming my way from him! Uhh ight, bet? Mind you, I start PLANNING my life around this $200 notification because that’s a hot stack for me and my family!!! Takes PayPal about 20 days to actually let me use the money… ridiculous because we NEEDED it… but that’s okay, I work around the problems in life, much like we all have to.
Here comes the turning point: I’m a little overworked and a little coo-coo sometimes, and one night I start telling him personal shit, kinda pouring out my heart to him, venting almost. I don’t really remember about what, just life I guess, nothing negative towards him. Somehow he misconstrues it, gets upset with me, and ‘tells me off.’ I get upset with him, tell him his business is a sham and I’ma change the rules that we agreed upon. Since his fake-ass can’t pay me what was agreed upon, (maybe $200 is a lot for him, as well) so I ask him if we can do $10 per hour instead. I pitch to him that moving forward, anytime I edit more than five hours ($50), I will refuse to edit until the money gets sent. The conversation turns hostile, QUICK. He calls me a ton of bad names with an underlying message that I’m the biggest loser on earth for pursuing a dream in working in Entertainment & he ends it with a sweet “you’ll never be anything.” LOL WHAT? Completely out of pocket and out of left field, so naturally, I tell him to eat shit, I won’t be doing anymore free work and he can pay me a mere $30 (yes, thirty dollars) for the entire portfolio of audios, texts/scripts, videos, and clips I’ve taken from the internet that ‘match’ the vibe he wants in his videos.
Context: at this point I’ve completed SIX FULL VIDEOS FOR THIS DUDE and he’s only paid me the one payment of $200. Not good at maths? Me neither, lemme help you out. He owes me $1,200 from our original agreement because I’ve spent more than 48 collective hours working on his videos, and he’s only paid me $200. But I tell him: I’ll let it all slide if he pays me $30 for the portfolio of about 50 gigabytes, and then moving forward, he’d pay me the $10 per hour if he wanted more content from me. He already has the six full videos in his possession. The ‘portfolio’ is stuff I’ve found that’s free-use on the internet, stuff that I’ve compiled, and even some scripts that I’ve written out! ALL MINE that I did for HIS business. So it seems logical for me to give this portfolio as an option, just incase he wants to say nah moving forward on me editing for him, and just take the material & go our separate ways…
In response, my (35 year old) brother files a complaint on PayPal claiming he only hired me for a channel encompassing trailer that I did not provide and that I’m attempting to extort him for more money. LOL, WHAT? PayPal’s like BET and automatically attempts to deduct from MY chequing account, without even getting to the bottom of it. Obviously doesn’t work, my account (not PayPal account, my fucking bank account. these mf so overzealous that they reached right into my mf pocket!!!!) gets put in the negatives and I attempt to appeal, with no sweat on my brow ‘cuz I’m like no way PayPal finna let this slide. I then proceed to message my terrible relative multiple times, with texts, videos and audio recordings and I’m in a hysterical mess. I begin threatening him, I begin begging to him, pleading with him, saying anything under the sun just for the hope that he has some heart and would send back the $200 if PayPal does end up taking it from me. Already my chequing was fricked but I could do some damage control… I was cocky, thinking PayPal would obviously side with me once they heard the whole story, so I also told him since he’s caused such pain for me out of absolutely nothing, like completely unprovoked, then shit: I want the original $200 PLUS an extra $200 for all this trauma. He responds by blocking me on everything. It’s 4 A.M. and I’m shaking as I’m typing this…
Somehow after all the information I provided, PayPal sides with him. Wow, wait, what? PayPal has since tried to deduct my PERSONAL CHEQUING ACCOUNT multiple times in order to fish back the $200 which I ALREADY HAD TO USE!!! Idk if you ever had a payment tried to be taken out of an account which already has a negative balance, but the payment doesn’t go (it does a minus then a plus) but usually the bank is like WTF and charges you fees. Multiple times = Multiple fees…
Before, I was in the negatives on my ONE chequing account I own… now I’m in the NEGATIVE-NEGATIVES… no clue how tf I’ma get out of it, but we all persevere eventually! I’ve reached out to PayPal but I’m almost sure nothing will come of it.. I’m considering taking PayPal to small claims court to somehow try to fix all this mess, but I fear it’ll break me off more trouble than repair anything. If you want to DM me, I’ll gladly give you my brother’s socials to send a report to his accounts on Instagram or TikTok, or even leave him a not-so-nice comment if you’d like. Also let me know if you know how I can get in contact with the authorities in the country of ‘Georgia.’
I have absolutely no issues posting his socials, address, doxxxing his ass to the fullest extent, all to do whatever’s necessary: because I fear he will one day gain notoriety and scam a shit ton of people. Praying that never happens.
Let me know what y’all think!!!

So earlier right after i ate some indian chicken and rice, which i ate 24hrs ago also, i got tummy ache right after eating, and needed to poo, and pooped a little soft stool. And now few minutes ago i got really bad stomach ache and had to poop again and now it was diarrhea. And i tought i was going to die, i was in a lot of pain and felt a little sick, probably cause i was so scared. I think im about to panic soon because i dont know why this is happening? Is it just the food or am i gonna be sick or something, please help or at least chat with me

New Flash everyone: the guy who hangs out with Daniel Greene(a pro-fairy rights socialist), is loved by redditors, and got a Hugo award is… woke. Who would have ever seen that coming? But, thanks to Jon Del Arroz making a video about it on May 18th, I am here to repeat the news back to you so there is an easily accessible source as to HOW he’s woke. Everything was revealed back in January 2023, but I want people to understand the implications and narrative that he’s presenting when he says his concerns about fairy rights. By the end of this, you will realize that people calling themselves Christian does not cause them to be immune to wokeness.
In fact, with how Christianity has influenced wokeness into existence, it’s likely a lot of "Christians" are what we can call “first wave wokeness”.
For context, Brandon Sanderson is a Mormon, part of the Latter-Day Saints (LDS). Mormonism is almost exclusively a US issue, and I’ve also noticed that there are a lot of youtubers who tend to be Mormon women(probably because they have other women in the house to do the chores). These people are great with money, big in business, and their church is anti-fairy. A lot of problems the fairy-rights activists have are with Mormon churches, which is strange for Europeans to witness with how open a lot of their churches are, outside of the US. Protestant, evangelical, unitarian, the national church of Denmark, it’s a big list.
But in 2008, Brandon wrote an essay about his Mormon beliefs on how Dumbledore from Harry Potter liked to have wands stirred around in his brown cauldron. His quote:

How does this relate to Dumbledore? I'm not trying to present him as an antagonist or a villain. All I'm saying is that if you believe in the truth of your message, then you shouldn't care if someone decent, respected, and intelligent is depicted as believing differently from yourself. Decent, respected, and intelligent people can be wrong--and you can still respect them. It's okay. That doesn't threaten our points, since we (theoretically) believe that they are eternal and stronger than any argument we could make.

Back in this time, Brandon had only been an author for 3 years, but he won an award for his first published book, Elantris. He was being careful with his words, and his take is considered liberal. He was trying to defend the backlash JK Rowling received for her (poor) choice of virtue signaling and tried to mend this defense with his own religion. Mentioning his religious views is what got him canceled back then, which he later apologized for in 2011:

I cannot be deaf to the pleas of \[fairy\] couples who want important things, such as hospital visitation rights, shared insurance, and custody rights. At the same time, I accept and sustain the leaders of the LDS church. I believe that a prophet of God has said that widespread legislation to approve \[fairy\] marriage will bring pain and suffering to all involved.

He was not backing down from his religion yet. His goal post moved to the legal ramifications of the US, which are separate from his church(remember, church and state, supposed to be separate in the US), but he was still saying his religion wanted him to oppose people calling it a marriage and having it in churches. This was a second “cancellation” that didn’t go very far, mostly because he was able to use religion as an excuse for his take, with the Christian Cake Packed With Fudge Scandal not happening yet(2018).
Fast forward to 2023, after he hangs out with a bunch of woke youtubers, and we get a new quote from Brandon:

The church’s first prophet, Joseph Smith, famously taught, “I teach them correct principles and they govern themselves.” My current beliefs are where I’ve arrived on my journey, as I attempt to show the love that Jesus Christ taught. I look forward to seeing further changes in the church, and I work to make sure I am helping from within it to create a place that is welcoming of \[fairy\] people and ideas. I would love, for example, to see the church recognize \[fairy\] marriage among its members. Both temporally and eternally. I would support ordaining \[tinkerbell\] men to the priesthood. (And would support the ordination of women, though that is another issue.)

That’s interesting. It seems like he made a complete 180 on his stance, claims that he’s always believed this new stance, blames Jesus for this new stance, and then doubles down on this new stance by adding female ordination(becoming a priest and higher) and even Tinkerbells. As time went on, he decided that his religion was totally wrong about fairies, and this 13 year difference means way more than the nearly 200 years Mormonism has been around. I believe a fellow Mormon, Shadversity, would love to have a discussion about how any of this makes sense, but I’m starting to feel that he’s the same way. Who knows if Ethan Van Sciver understands Mormonism as well as Brandon Sanderson does, with how easy it is to manipulate prophecies and reinterpret scripture.
But that’s been the point for a while, right?
Wokeness is here to restructure both historical evidence and even religions, in order to shift cultures and social institutions to obey this progressive change. Words are changed in the dictionary, social “norms” are changed to be updated for a “modern audience”, and postmodernists like Foucault were able to trick college kids into thinking the Greeks were all pixie fairies. Once a critical theorist gets their hands on something with power, their goal is not to keep it as it is. It is to keep it for themselves. This is why you will hear these people say everything is subjective, which is secret code for “Look at me: I’m the captain of reality now.”
But wait, it gets better! Brandon Sanderson continued with:

Back in 2007, I was mostly known only in my community, not to the world at large. The essay, then, was directed at my local community, and was more controversial among them (for being too liberal) than it was controversial to the world at large for being \[fairy\]phobic. That might surprise you, if you’ve read the excerpts that often float around the internet. This was mostly me trying to encourage other members of the church to be more open and welcoming of \[fairy\] characters and ideas.
That said, the essay does display the casual bigotry common to people who (like myself) have lived lives where we haven’t had to deal with some of the issues common to the lives of people suffering discrimination. Many of the assertions (such as my view on \[fairy\] marriage) do not reflect my current stance. After writing it, and interacting with those who found it objectionable–even painful–I came to understand them and their experiences better. Though they did not owe me that honor, they gave it freely.

You see, he's honored to hear about the life of a bug chaser.
Brandon cares deeply about the pain he caused to his wallet… I mean the fairies who saw his essay. He was an award winning author back then, he didn’t know it would be a global thing. It was supposed to be only seen by people in Utah, that’s it. This is what we call: bullshit. The woke rely heavily on gaslighting and pretending they’re ignorant of everything, while telling others that they need to learn and understand EVERYTHING about a subject before they are even able to mention it.
He was already big on reddit, he knew all about his fandom, and he knew about his publisher, Tor. The only thing that really changed is that now he is unable to stick to being liberal and he has to present himself as progressive. Why? Well, the new Amazon deal happened recently, and he’s the writer of the series The Wheel of Time. As if Rings of Power wasn’t evidence enough of how Amazon mistreats their properties, Brandon was forced to erase his own past, like Agent J in Men in Black, burning his own hands in the process.
I’m not surprised that he’s woke or even that Christians are falling to this woke inquisition. When I said first wave wokeness, I would like to clarify why it’s the catalyst for all of this stupidity. Wokeness is not of Christian values, but instead a parasite upon Christianity, in the same way Gnosticism and Satanism would be. When Christianity started to allow new sects, and a lot of these were considered valid, the crazy sex cults of the 60s opened the floodgates for a bunch of crazy reinterpretations. It’s the same way as how there are still circles of Christianity that go for flat earth theory or say that dinosaurs don’t exist, with these people usually at the forefront of the home-schooling movement.
It’s not that home-schooling is bad by itself, it’s that bad people use it to then have the good people using it be wrongfully grouped into the same area, in the same way gun-ownership does. This type of bastardization has always been a problem in the US, due to the lack of authority over what makes something categorized as such a thing, thanks to liberalism allowing the freedom to constantly change things. As time went on, this liberalism changed into progressivism, with the key difference being that liberalism is an allowance of change while progressivism is an enforced change. The liberalism of the 1800s allowed the Confederates to claim Christianity approved of their enslavement of black people, by blaming the story of Ham and using scripture to claim it was okay to enslave certain people for generations. We always see this strange cherry-picking of scripture from fake Christians, and this problem has expanded into the Vatican itself with the current and following generations of Popes.
A lot of times, we’ll hear news about how Christians are under attack, a bakery is targeted to expose discrimination, or even where people claim they were banned from twitch for being Christian. But what they get wrong is that they are in the same circle as liberal and progressive Christianity, their openness created this weakness to tourism, and most Christian circles have been taken over in the US since before the 60s. The south has a culture of being liberal, Mormons have a culture of being liberal, protestants are very liberal, all because the US began as a liberal culture in the form of classical liberalism. The libertarian argument is always used by these liberal groups, that changes into the progressive enforcement, and over the years these liberal people get infected by the virus.
Add money to the mix, and we have ourselves an endless chain of liberal minded people falling to wokeness. The “redemption” narrative, along with original sin, from Christianity is currently its main weakness. The appeal to ignorance is another weakness, with people playing skeptic as a snake slithers through the grass. Christianity isn’t the problem by itself, it’s the naivety that comes from blind faith, which then expands into a contradictory blind faith that people are good inside, only to later wonder why everything is changing for the worse when evil people are put in charge. Fantasy stories have been under attack by the woke for quite a while, long before they tried to appropriate Tolkien with Rings of Power.
The fantasy that is controlled by the woke is an extension to their attack on religion, because to them a fantasy story is no different than a bible. Mythological presentation, symbolic themes, a dream-like world to present morals to follow; the entire thing has been used by Brandon to then have him later claim that he’s always had fairy characters since the beginning. Sure, his religion says fairies are bad, but then he virtue signals by claiming he’s always made fiction about how they’re good. He would never say this if the publishing world made sense and if publishers were the way they were in the 1950s. That is because he would never have to choose between religion and money back then, with money always mattering more to the typical materialist.
I’m sure people will say that I’m being hard on Christians, or that I’m evil for saying this, or even that I am a satanist for noticing. These people would only be angry at the truth being said, which is the opposite of what Christianity teaches. Fantasy writers, like Brandon, have a lot of supporters, with this support merging between the woke and Mormons. So many feel that they need to make sense of their fandom, so they claim their religion is wokeness, converting it into blind Satanism. This is far from the truth and we need to condemn those who focus solely on radical subjectivity.
Especially if they blame God for their stupid takes, like how Brandon does now.

Pls help me understand this top down or down up
I lost the person i loved the most then i started having a really bad pain in my heart it was unbearable after searching about these after watching a videos it was my heart chakra opening maybe I used to hear voidness inside my brain while sleeping i was aware that i was sleeping yet i was aware of everything
I used to have really bad headaches pain all over my body Then one day i was sitting and i heard a crack/pop and in my left side of skull there was a icy liquidsh fluid only on my skull what was that? After searching on the internet i’ve found no clue what that was Was it amrita? It only happens when kundalini reaches in Sahasrara chakra right? after searching on the internet ig it was cerebrospinal fluid? If that was how is it related to kundalini
after searching about these thing i suppose it was top down awakening ig? Correct me if ỉm wrong i couldn’t understand what i was going through until i came across a video about kundalini it was the only thing was making sense
A month ago i was getting electric currents on my right side anguinal fold for constantly whole night as if someone is charging me it was coming in waves & i feel now on my stomach pulse and as if my stomach is sinking like tornado if this is related to chakra what should i do? I’ve seen snakes in dreams in colours red orange & i’ve now started to live again in 3d i thought i have healed & i will never be the same but again I’ve come back to normal life & should i be doing something now? Is process stopped?

TLDR; I have experienced anxiety off and on but its been ramping up over the last few years specifically around traveling and it is really hard to eat food when I’m anxious. I’m feeling debilitated and worried that I will never get better and I’m scared meds wont work. I want to be able to travel and see my friends in other states without being completely consumed by anxiety.
——
I have struggled with anxiety off and on my whole life and as I’m reflecting now, it had a lot to do with not being home/change. I would get homesick at summer camp, I would get anxious before a sleepover, I had anxiety my entire 8th grade year because I was going from a tiny private school to a huge public high school.
When I moved away from home I was fine and I don’t think I had anxiety for several years. I was an adult, figuring out life on my own and doing fine. I would travel to visit my friends in other states and I was fine. I got married, had a bachelorette trip, a honeymoon etc. all good.
During covid I went to test for ADHD and realized I was depressed so I went on wellbutrin which changed everything for me.
In 2021 I went on a trip with a bunch of girls that really fucked me up. Nothing happened but I was so anxious I couldn’t sleep or eat and it affected my friendship. After that I went to see my psychiatrist because I could not go on a trip again and be stuck because I didn’t have any medication to stop it. Most times after that trip that I went on a trip, I got unexplainable anxiety. Came out of nowhere, couldn’t tie it to a thought, hurt my stomach etc. But I had hydroxyzine which helped me fall asleep without anxiety. I decided to reduce my wellbutrin in half because of a variety of reasons, one of them being my heightened anxiety. And it did seem to be a good decision to do that. I went on a trip in 2023 to a state I’ve never been to and my anxiety was pretty bad but my husband was with me so it was mostly manageable but I kept losing my appetite and not wanting to eat. We went to a 6 course dinner and I had to get up in between every plate to run to the bathroom cuz I had anxiety runs.
I came home from that and went to see my psychiatrist and explained my anxiety was mostly a bodily response and I wasn’t noticing anything in my brain. She said meds are really good for the worries but it didn’t sound like I had that so try making sure I had substance in my stomach since maybe I had so much stomach acid it was making me feel sick.
I didn’t have a trip for 7 months to test this theory until this last weekend. The whole week leading up to the trip I would have moments of anxiety but I usually took a deep breath and it went away. The travel day was pretty bad but I kept food in my stomach but I kept noticing myself checking in with myself seeing if I felt okay or not. Constantly. Then it became of fear of getting anxiety and ruining my friends’ time with me. And the anxiety of getting anxiety and feeling unwell not in my comforting space. Every single day was so hard. I could barely bring myself to eat food. I became anxious about mealtimes coming up and if I would be able to nourish myself. I had moments of relief, and one almost full day of no anxiety but I ended up coming home two days early because I couldn’t hang.
But even as I’ve been home, my anxiety hasn’t gone away. I was anxious walking through the mall with my husband. I didn’t want to eat dinner. I think about my next trip coming up and I feel a pit in my stomach wondering if I’ll be able to enjoy myself. Waking up yesterday I felt my heart rate immediately spike and the anxiety start to come on. I talked to my psychiatrist and she asked why I didn’t take the xanax I had with me. I am scared it wont work or will make me feel flat or make be all delirious in my head. I dont want to become reliant on it. She explained it is a tool and would I refuse pain meds if I’m about to have surgery? No. I decided to go off my wellbutrin because I’m curious if that is making me more anxious since my depression is so much better. She said I should give it a week and see how I feel after the wellbutrin is out of my system and giving space to my bad experience on my trip and if I still feel worried about my upcoming trip we can start Zoloft. This morning I’m still anxious, and I’m starving but I can’t think of any food that seems palatable and I don’t want to get out of bed and I feel extremely hopeless that I’ll never get better and wont be able to experience new things again. I’m scared Zoloft wont work or it will eventually hurt me or my anxiety will get worse and I just feel completely debilitated.

I’m curious as to the experience of anyone else who is on Zepbound and doesn’t have a gallbladder.
I had my gallbladder removed when I was 17 due to (what I now know what rapidly unhealthy) weight loss triggering gallstones. I’ve had to be careful in the 20-ish years since to make sure that I eat about the same amount of fat in a day—either too much more or less in any direction and things get unpleasant quickly.
I was tracking food intake with Zep, mostly to make sure I was getting enough protein and maintaining a healthy level of fat (because I’d read Zep can make people even more sensitive to fat). I needed to take a stool softener and up my fiber intake but was otherwise fine.
This last week, I ran out of Zepbound and about 9 days after my last dose, I had a terrible stomach ache—reminded me of back when I first got my gallbladder out, before I learned how to monitor my fat intake. I hadn’t eaten anything out of the ordinary, and didn’t overeat, but I was bloated and in a lot of pain.
I’m only on 5mg and don’t plan on going up anytime soon, and am just curious about anyone else who doesn’t have a gallbladder and has done on (or off) this med and what your experience was.

I'm a healthy weight for my age but I still have a big double chin and a gut and I'm hoping to lose that fat and 5-10 pounds depending and how my body would look after that.
I've started walking more, drinking water a lot more, drinking smoothies and doing quick stomach workouts.
I can't afford to go to the gym and I don't have any work out machines.
I also have an uneven face and want to make it even again.
I get really bad back pain so work outs that could affect that should be avoided for me. I also can’t run because of a genetic thing I have as it’ll cause me too much pain and I could sprain my ankle.
How can I lose the weight quickly in a healthy way and also even out my face?
I also would appreciate people NOT telling me to just wait and it’ll fix itself as I get older - it’s been like this for years and I’d rather fix it now rather than in the future!

My girlfriend and I wanted to avoid gluten and therefore got ourselves some gluten free pasta last night (the gluten free spaghetti from barilla). Roughly an hour after dinner, my girlfriend started to get a bloated stomach and started vomiting roughly another hour later. Shortly after she felt ok-ish again, apart from some mild stomach pain. We also tried some new cider last night and she sometimes reacts to different kind of balms like citrus balm. Therefore we thought that probably the cider was the problem and ate the leftovers of the pasta today. I did not assume that the pasta might contain anything that could cause her problems. We prepared them with a completely different sauce on both evenings, both times with ingredients we eat regularly. The only common ingredient yesterday and today was the pasta. And once again, she felt miserable after eating today. As i can see, the pasta contains only rice and corn flour. We often eat rice (or even rice pasta) and also corn as well as stuff prepared with corn flour. No digestion problems so far yet. As I'm curios to know what might cause these issues, does anybody have an idea what could be happening there?

Hello everyone. I am new to this group, I red some of the posts here, mostly from people who cured. I have stomach pain since 2022, after my covid vaccination. Doctor found h. Pylori, I took the mediation (they gave me a lot of pain). H pylori was gone, but not my pain. I am pretty sure I have an ulcer because I have discomfort after not eating for more than two hours. I saw different doctors, natural healers, tried a lot ....I follow medical medium for 2 years now, but it does not really help with my gastritis. 4 weeks ago I started cabbage juice: one glas in the morning around 10am and one glas in the afternoon around 4pm. I felt better. But after those two weeks until now it made me feel worse. I feel so nauseaus. Should I go on or not? Thank you all die your advice🙏

I've been a lurker of this sub for not very long, but through every step of this very short journey, this sub has been a fountain of knowledge and helped me process it.
My dad was diagnosed at the end of March 24. He was an amazing, brilliant man - and so well known and loved by many in the town we live in. In February, he was walking 10km a day, and we put his recent weight loss down to that and gastroenteritis.
In March, his stomach started swelling up like a balloon (Ascites) and originally we were told that they think it was small bowel cancer. I then took him back into hospital two weeks later to be drained again of the fluid - and this time they confirmed that they believed it was Pancreatic Cancer and that the small bowel mass was a secondary tumor.
His weight continued to drop, and he was too weak to do chemotherapy and no treatment was given to him. I watched his body slowly eat itself, gasping for energy and calories as he was no longer able to eat much aside from soup and ice cream.
He went into hospital again as the care was too much for me and the family to handle. I wanted to be his son, and leave the caring to the professionals. His body started to slowly give up, but the awful thing was he stayed incredibly lucid throughout. No longer able to walk, he would ask my sisters and I to help him onto the comode - and soon even that would prove too diffuclt with him having a seizure like episode in my arms. After that point, he was bed bound and we opted to not move him.
The last week, I felt the end coming and got him moved to a Nursing Home after spending 14 days in hospital. As we left the ward, he said to all of the nurses "Thank you for looking after me" and shouted "I'M FREE!" as he was taken on a stretcher out of the ward.
Day by day, he was getting weaker, skinnier and more in pain. Dad though had his pride and would hide the pain he was in and didn't even ring his call bell for more medication or pain relief. Yesterday, Dad passed away. He was in terminal agitation, thrashing and pulling away at himself. I told him it was okay to go and told him that I will look after the rest of the family. We listened to his favourite music and he slowly became more and more still and unresponsive. I held his hand and the last hour of him being here felt like a lifetime. He took his final breathes whilst holding my hand, and it was equally a harrowing yet beautiful moment that I was so privalaged and honoured to share with him.
From diagnosis to Dad passing, it was just under two months.
He was such a beautiful man and worked his little arse off to provide for his family - and I will always be grateful for that.
This cancer is a horrific disease which takes the person you know and completely eradicates them. I will forever love you Dad, and I'm so sorry this had to happen to you. You did not deserve this ending, but I'm glad I managed to help you be as comfortable as you can.
To those continuing to battle, the journey is hard and rough. But keep fighting. I'm so sorry.

Hello everyone! To begin with, I am a 40yr old male and I feel somewhat selfish asking this question to people who have had or are going through cancer treatments and I hope all of you are doing great with it but I’m not sure where else to ask anyone. I have developed a pretty significant health anxiety recently which leads to symptoms all on their own. In December I had an appendectomy which was found in a CT scan. I had surgery and all went well. In February I started getting some back pain I couldn’t shake that ended up leading me to the ER for which was probably a panic attack but was thought to MAYBE be dehydration. Two people I know of have or have had testicular cancer one of which was found by back pain and no other symptoms. That has sent me spiraling out of control mentally. Since then I’ve seen a back doctor who told me there is no cancer in my back. I have had a cystoscopy from a urologist due to some bladder wall thickening that turned out to be normal. I have had both an endoscopy and a colonoscopy due to stomach pain that just ended up being too much fiber in my diet. I have had a urinalysis and blood work although I do not know how tumor markers are detected, all of which are normal. I now have a pain in my right testicle which to me validates my concerns and could be the reason I’m chasing other pains. The pain is very dull pain and only comes and goes. So, I want to tell myself that after surgery, a colonoscopy, CT scan, cystoscopy from the urologist and a back doctor looking at my CT scan that there’s no way I should fear TC with only intermittent pain but yet here I am. So, I guess my question is, in your experience would a doctor have picked up on your TC during any of this? Or does it need to be a specific test? My GP says she will order an ultrasound for peace of mind but doesn’t believe it is necessary. I know anxiety comes with it’s on set of demons and I hate to keep handing over money due to my anxiety of a disease I’ve never been diagnosed with. I appreciate your patience and response. Have a blessed day!

Im 8dpo (31F lap turned abdominal. Kept ovaries and cervix) and i think im past the worst of it. While im still pretty much couch ridden, I figured I would put this out there to maybe help someone else preparing for their surgery! Obviously we all know these experiences are highly personal and will not be exactly like anyone elses experience, but I personally found it helpful gathering peoples experiences and reflecting based on what I know about myself so I thought id write the kind of post Id want to read! I tried to make easy to skim but also included plenty of details!
Heres some things Im glad I did beforehand

• washed and changed my bed sheets -cleaned my bathroom well
• moved things i knew i would need to a hight where I don’t have to bend down to get them. I moved my toilet paper to easy accessible places, my pj shirts and underwear on top of my dresser. Set up a bed stand for water and meds. Also moved my fridge around.
• as for buying stuff, i mostly had everything i needed but was glad to have comfy sweat pants, backless slippers and highwasted underwear. Also those rechargeable battery bricks were handy for charging my phone in the hospital or sitting somewhere not near an outlet. -exercised. Dont stress about this one, i know chronic pain is often the reason for this surgery. I had to stop my routine months before surgery for this reason. But I was glad to be familiar with proper squat form and have strong arms and legs to help get myself up and down without using my core. I also did yoga therapy that helped me understand how to transfer my weight to different parts of my body which helped too!

Heres some things i was extremely stressed about but ended up not being a problem
-Food. My mom came and cooked me some large portion of meals. I ended up throwing most of it away. The idea was to freeze some of it but it was too much of a hassle. I didn’t have much of an appetite and definitely gravitated towards things in the BRAT diet especially bread. I spent the first few days eating like i had the flu and was really sensitive to grease. My mom made wedding soup and it was too greasy. I think i could have survived this week just on a package of bagels and different spreads.
-cleaning and chores. Im pretty sure I have OCD.. this experience has confirmed it. I looked out at my thriving garden yesterday and said to my partner absent mindedly “wow. Things really thrive when im not out there being over involved “ and like wow that is a lesson i did not expect to learn. My partner has been clearing the dishes each day and did some more involved chores once this week. So if you live alone I would advise paper plates and maybe some to help ya once a week for the first week at least.
-in terms of my surgery i was really scared of having a catheter which i did end up needing to have for a day. It was weird but not at all painful. Honestly it was kind of the worst part of my recovery so far just because i felt i had to pee so bad while it was in. Idk if thats typical. Taking it out was not at all painful but also weird. They used the catheter to put sterile water back in my bladder. As soon as i felt a twinge of uncomfortable full feeling i told my nurse. She removed the catheter and i peed it back out no problem.
-being bored. This week has felt like one day. Since it takes me 10x as long to do anything, the days are flying by. I got myself plenty of low key things to do (crafts, activity books, ect) and haven’t even had time to do any of them yet! I still have a feeling this will change in the coming weeks though..
-having enough help. I secretly wished one of my friends or family members would stay with me for a while just so I could be the solo focus of their attention. I live with my partner and two dogs and he has been totally enough support. I needed help getting up and down up until about day 5. He also makes my meals and cleans them up for me and would bring me my meds and water the first few days. I think it makes sense if you live alone to have someone stay a week with you, but ive been fine and honestly anytime someone has come to “help” its just felt draining. I didn’t know how much of a hermit I would wana be.
-my dogs. I piled myself in pillows if i was sitting on the couch with them. I also had a no chew spray near by that we used when they were pups but only had to use it one time. My partner helped to coral them the first few days too. I have not yet been puppy stomped
-the stairs. Its been fine I just have to go slow.
Heres some things I found out along the way that were helpful

• keep cough drops in your pocket. Coughing aint fun and my throat was irritated from being intubated for about 4 days after surgery. Also keep the paper so you can spit em out when they’ve done the job if you want. I started getting a tummy ache from having too many.

-keep lil pillows by your toilet. The hospital gave me one that was plasticy and easy to wipe off (like an outdoor pillow insert). Or even a balled up towel would work. I couldn’t wear a binder because of all my incisions but this helped take the pressure off my stomach/incisions when i needed to have a bowel movement.
-if you stack pillows on either side of you, they can act as “arms” that are handy to push down on when you get up.
-sip your water and take your stool softeners as soon as they say you can! It took me until day 4 to poop but it was no problem when it happened.
-lots of deep slow breaths to calm your nerves and pain.

• those squeezable applesauce packs. Great for when you take your pain pills.

Heres some challenges I encountered that surprised me.
-my throat was so sore! For the first 4 days my throat was irritating, it felt like I had a flap of skin sticking down. The first day it hurt but the rest was just so annoying.

• breathing was a challenge. The first few days i was in bed, it was hard to breathe. I couldn’t take a Deep belly breath because of my incisions. I tried to regularly take a big breath filling my lungs though. Once i started being able to get up and walk around it became less of a problem. I think they have a tool for this at the hospital too but i was not offered it and forgot to ask.

-always laying on my back is getting old. I haven’t quite figured it out yet but im getting there.
-not really a challenge but my lower belly is numb. Apparently that can just happen (even long term). Which has actually been helpful since I can’t feel my lower abdominal incision at all
Lastly!! The pain/symptom scale: Day 0: honestly don’t remember much except feeling i need to pee and my throat being sore. Day 1: was still in the hospital. Pain like cramps and burning pain near certain incisions. I was able to walk the hall but very tired after. Sore throat. Day 2: burning pain near bellybutton incisions. Heavy lung feeling. Left the hospital. Day 3: heavy lung feeling. Pinching pain in incisions whenever I stood or sat. Had some moderate discharge that was yellowish with red and brown. Otherwise no pain Day 4: more like a sharp ache when i stood/sat. Discharge again but a very light amount. Day 5: felt strides..any pain was mild cramping. Tried to shower myself and make myself breakfast which led me to be very tired for the rest of the day. Day 6: most tired yet. Pain the same Day 7: felt like turning a page. Pain very little and energy very good.

Race Information

• Name: Colfax Marathon
• Date: May 19, 2024
• Distance: 26.2 miles
• Location: Denver, CO
• Website: https://www.runcolfax.org/
• Strava: https://www.strava.com/activities/11448438544
• Time: 2:38:18

Goals

Goal	Description	Completed?
A	Sub 2:30	No
B	Sub 2:35	No
C	Finish!	Yes

Splits

Mile	Time
1	5:37
2	5:36
3	5:37
4	5:41
5	5:45
6	5:45
7	5:52
8	5:45
9	5:35
10	5:39
11	5:38
12	5:42
13	5:38
14	5:35
15	5:44
16	5:34
17	5:26
18	5:26
19	5:23
20	5:26
21	5:42
22	5:41
23	6:17
24	11:11
25	7:30
26	6:28

Background

After years of racing on the track I transitioned to the pavement and ran my first HM at the end of 2022. In the ~1.5 years since then, I’ve trained almost exclusively for the HM running one in May and December of last year.
Since college, I’ve mostly hovered around 50-60 mpw never really drifting higher than 80. I’ve always been hesitant to run more than that due to a stress fracture I got junior year when I was pushing 90+ weeks. But last summer I raced in the Denver iteration of the Tracksmith 5000 twilight meet and realized the main difference in my training compared to everyone faster than me was their higher mileage. Volume is king.
That has been the goal of my training since then – increasing my mileage and getting comfortable with 100 mile weeks. Before the 5k I was averaging about 55 mpw per 12-week cycle, and since then I’ve averaged 78 mpw per cycle with a few 100 mi weeks sprinkled in.
My original plan for 2024 was to keep running HMs, but my friend convinced me to run my first marathon this year. He was entered into Chicago, so I applied and got in via the lottery. I wanted to run an HM this spring, but everyone I talked to said I should get a marathon under my belt, so I could have things really dialed in for Chicago. Enter Denver's Colfax Marathon.

Training

I have had good success following the Pfitz HM plans so I stuck with him and roughly followed his 12/85+ plan. For the most part I felt ok with this plan, but I feel like there wasn't enough quality work. For example, one week is 105 total miles with the only real workout being 7 mi @ LT. Maybe that's just the formula some weeks for marathon training but it felt like too much easy running. I ended up tweaking some weeks and swapping an easy day for an additional threshold workout.
I had a few rough weeks where I had trouble holding MP for even a mile or two. Before you ask, no - I don't think it was from these additional workouts I sprinkled in, but poor nutrition and not eating enough. Once I upped the carb and protein intake for a few weeks my energy levels started to come back.
The last few weeks of training things finally started to click and wrapped up the block with a 10k PR, 32:20 (31:35ish? altitude conversion). Previous PR was a 32:59 split during a HM. I don’t put too much stock into conversions, but it was a big confidence boost and sign I was trending in the right direction. I followed that up a week later with my best workout of the block, a 23-miler with 13.1 mi @ 5:38 avg.
Unfortunately, I caught a stomach bug during the taper and spent 4-days unable to keep any food down. I barely ran, but focused on recovery with a few runs to keep the legs from feeling too stale.

Pre-race

Nothing earth shattering here. 6AM race. Woke up at 3 for two pop tarts and half a bagel and went back to sleep for a bit. Ate half of a Clif bar at 5 AM before a short 1.5 mi warmup and drills at 5:30. It was going to be 60-65 degrees for most of the race so I made an effort to get a lot of fluids down.

Race

The course is conveniently broken down into 5 sections so I'll break down the race by those.
Section 1: 0 - 6.5 mi
The course starts with a long gradual downhill through downtown. The marathon relay starts at the same time so we went out a little hot. I wanted to start the first half of the race running 5:50s, but the front relay runners went out at 5:00 pace and I got pulled into 5:35’s. I scanned the pack for people without batons and found 2 other non-relay runners nearby. They were shooting for ~2:40 so we were all able to slow things down as a pack and settled into 5:45s. Took my first gel at mile 5 going into Mile High.
Section 2: 6.5 - 9.2 mi
Big uphill out of the stadium before lapping Sloan’s Lake. We started to catch back up to some relay teams at this point and it gets nice and flat around the lake. Our little pack picked up the pace and we clicked off a few 5:35s. Second gel a little earlier than I wanted at mile 9, but I wanted to take advantage of the water station shortly after.
Section 3: 9.2 -15.2 mi
My least favorite part of the course. It’s mostly a gradual uphill into a hilly little neighborhood with a lot of turns sprinkled in. Our pack was all alone at this point, in no man's land between the faster relay teams and everyone else. We went through the halfway mark a tad under 1:15 and one of the lead guys (who I later found out was 2:11 marathoner Fernando Cabada) started wondering if we could hit the Colorado state masters marathon record of 2:28. I wanted to slow things down during this hilly section, but hmm maybe? We kept pushing. 3^rd gel at mile 15.
Section 4: 15.2 – 19.2 mi
At this point, the 3rd guy dropped so it was just me and Fernando. This section of the course is long, straight, and back down the gradual uphill we made our way up earlier. Again, he asked, “2:28”? Sure, might as well try. I knew we still had a long way left, but I was feeling good and feeling greedy. We took advantage of the downhill and clicked off a few miles at 5:25. Fourth and final gel going back into the stadium at mile 19.
Section 5: 19.2 – 26.2 mi
I knew this section would be tough. It’s a few miles of flat, before a few miles of gradual uphill through downtown and back into the park. There’s a tight hairpin turn from the bike path up into the streets of downtown and it was here that I felt a quick little spasm in my hamstring. I slowed things down a little hoping to stave off anything more, but both hamstrings and quads completely cramped up right before mile 23. I couldn’t take a step without my legs cramping up again so I stood there for a few minutes debating the DNF. Even my toes started cramping!
After a few painful minutes, I was finally able to move my legs so I decided I would at least walk it in and get a finishing time even if I had to crawl across the line. The last 3 miles were at a slow jog to prevent more cramping, but I ran into a few friends spectating so spirits remained somewhat high through the finish.

Post-race

I’m proud of myself for finishing the race even if it wasn’t the outcome I wanted. I can officially call myself a marathoner. I went for it. I failed, but that's running. My legs had been feeling tight since being sick so maybe that played a part, but I definitely should have increased fluid intake throughout the race. A lot of woulda coulda shouldas, but it was a huge learning experience which was the main point of signing up for this race in the first place.
I'm feeling extra motivated and ready to rip at Chicago. Hope to see some of y’all there!
Made with a new race report generator created by u/herumph.

DAY: MAY 20 2024
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I worked in the Provo Utah Temple and the Temple Department of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. When I reported to my supervisor, director, managing director, executive director, HR, general authorities, and top leadership if the Church the abuse suffered by myself and many Church employees in the Provo Utah Temple they ignored me, retaliated, became hostile, defended the abusers, and punished me. They sought to silence me, refused to follow Church HR policies, practices and procedures, and ultimately sought to silence me. In my experience the Church doesn't care about the truth of abuse, illegal conduct I witnessed in the Temples, and doesn't want bad news to get to the First Presidency of the Church. So they act in disgusting, despicable, and illegal ways to silence whistleblowers.
As I blew the whistle my direct report began to lie to the Temple President and Temple Department about my conduct. All written documentation shows I received above average reviews yet behind the scenes he verbally was destroying my reputation and career. This began after he broke into my computer by resetting my password, stealing my journal and password file, and paying for a software cracking utility to get into my journal and password file. I was then transferred tot he Temple Department for a "developmental assignment". During this time I had to go see a therapist and get on medication to deal with the constant depression I felt. The Recorder still works in a temple today.
Once at the Temple Department my job was threatened by the Director only a few days after arriving. He stated that because I asked to see an HR policy in writing that I lacked judgement, may never be a Temple Recorder, and they were considering whether to keep me. He was an abusive, Pharisaic, self righteous, hypocritical, and overbearing man. So abusive and oppressive was this man that I began to have bleeding ulcers and severe stomach pain every time I got off the bus to start my day at the Church office buildings. He was a vile man and still works in the temple department today.
Eventually, I was forced out of my job and was told the reason was that I was "not a good fit" for the job despite recommendations for temple presidencies, the temple recorder (in writing), and an analysis they had me do (they refused to share the results with me and were trying to use that analysis to get show I wasn't a good fit. However, when I passed it they simply used "not a good fit" as an excuse). When I asked, in a recorded conversation, what I had done wrong he stated I had done nothing wrong, my work was excellent, and acknowledged my excellent reviews.
However, when I began to appeal suddenly multiple "issues" with my conduct and work suddenly arose. These deceptive and manipulative men didn't realize I had recorded the conversation and when I presented that fact they suddenly stated my recording as one of the reasons for my being released. Think about that for a moment, it is astounding! They then sought to demonize me and have ever since. They also said they were "tucked it" with their attorneys, Kirton & McConkie, who also refused to look at the evidence or acknowledge the Church was not following their own procedures for termination.
The Church failed to train and counsel, were inconsistent in their treatment of employees, spoke inappropriately about current and former employees, did not hold regular development discussions, did not give honest and timely feedback or write me up if indeed I had done the things they said I did as they tried to defend their termination actions, did not give me 3 appeals as required by their own policies, did not follow their own termination checklist, did not give opportunities to improve my performance if what they said during my appeals was true, did not give me an opportunity to explain my side of the situation, did not ensure the action taken was consistent with the action taken for other employees, and did not consistently apply policies, procedures and standards of performance.
Why? Because I was a whistleblower trying to expose abuse in a Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As a whistleblower their goal was to shut me down as quickly and harshly as possible. They saw my reports as attacking the Church. How dare I speak in such a manner about my superiors and the "only true and living church on the face of the earth". How dare I call into question the conduct of such inspired and holy men.
My advice is to not bother trying to go to the Church. Go to law enforcement, to state and federal agencies, to an attorney. But DO NOT try to report illegal activity to the Church. They simply don't care and will seek to punish and bury you.

I know a lot of people are talking about her recreating the Bejeweled music video in her relationship with Travis but she’s obviously doing Blank Space too. Not a new thought but worth diving more into.
Travis says it’s his favorite song. The Lake Como Villa looks a lot like the one in the Blank Space MV. I was also realizing that at the end of the MV, the next guy/PR relationship shows up in a red convertible which reminded me a lot of the convertible we first see them get into after the first football game she attended.
The lyrics of Blank Space fit so well. I’ve got my thoughts below. What else do you all see?
———-
Nice to meet you, where you been? I could show you incredible things Magic, madness, heaven, sin Saw you there and I thought "Oh, my God, look at that face You look like my next mistake Love's a game, wanna play?" Ay

Taylor chooses her next beard - this time it’s Travis. Love’s a game, wanna play? Might as well pick a football player to make the game analogy more obvious. She can show him amazing things. Make his Hollywood dreams come true.

—
New money, suit and tie I can read you like a magazine

Travis is the epitome of new money, suit & tie with his flamboyant dressing style. Pin stripe three piece suits, etc. She can read him like a magazine because he’s not deep enough to be a book.

—
Ain't it funny? Rumors fly And I know you heard about me So hey, let's be friends

Travis goes on his podcast and talks about wanting to give her a friendship bracelet (lol) causing rumors to fly.

—
I'm dying to see how this one ends Grab your passport and my hand I can make the bad guys good for a weekend

Travis says how they are planning to travel all over Europe together this summer during Eras. Get that passport ready Buddy.

—
So it's gonna be forever Or it's gonna go down in flames You can tell me when it's over, mm If the high was worth the pain Got a long list of ex-lovers They'll tell you I'm insane 'Cause you know I love the players And you love the game

Is it going to be worth it Travis? We know you love the game.

—
'Cause we're young, and we're reckless We'll take this way too far

Will they actually get engaged? Will they get married? How far will they take it?

—
It'll leave you breathless, mm Or with a nasty scar Got a long list of ex-lovers They'll tell you I'm insane But I've got a blank space, baby And I'll write your name

Travis’s favorite song? She blows him a kiss during this song? C’mon

—
Cherry lips, crystal skies I could show you incredible things Stolen kisses, pretty lies You're the King, baby, I'm your Queen

I feel So High School. Almost like Tayvis is Homecoming King & Queen right? Stolen kisses backstage, on a boat in Italy… it’s true, swear, scouts honor.

—
Find out what you want Be that girl for a month

Travy wants a WAG, right? Taylor says bet, I can be the Waggiest Wag to ever Wag. I’ll drape myself in Chiefs gear and show up to every game. She can be that girl for a while…

—
Wait, the worst is yet to come, oh, no Screaming, crying, perfect storms I can make all the tables turn

Until she drops TTPD. Completely about an ex. She’s screaming, she’s crying, she’s craaaaaaazy. Wait where did the fun, bubbly WAG go?

—
Rose garden filled with thorns Keep you second guessing like "Oh, my God, who is she?" I get drunk on jealousy But you'll come back each time you leave 'Cause, darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream

Stories come out about how she can’t bear to be without him. She’s insecure, maybe jealous? Photos show them looking sad, bored, over it. Is the daydream starting to feel like a nightmare?

—
Boys only want love if it's torture Don't say I didn't, say I didn't warn ya Boys only want love if it's torture Don't say I didn't, say I didn't warn ya

Don’t say she didn’t warn you Travis. You already know, babe.