Is he a flirt quiz

I'm dating A now. However, she's struggling with her self-esteem, because she feels like people perceive her as second choice (she has posted here).
TD;LR: I chased after A for a while, but she acted standoffish. We had casual sex 2 times, and she treated me like a hookup. I tried to engage her in deep conversation (but she'd only keep things light), would sit around her (but she'd ignore me), and invited her to events + breakfast, but she declined (the breakfast). We stopped talking for a while, and I started dating someone else (B). When I saw A again, we would flirt; however, I thought it was unserious. After 2 months, I became exclusive with B. A told me she was interested after all, but I was already with someone else, so I rejected her. I dated B for a couple of years; we were really serious. But when it ended, I started dating A.
Long version:
I met a girl at a night club hosted by university; I hit on her, but she seemed standoffish, so I excused myself. I met her 1 year later at a student pub, and we made strong eye contact. I invited her to smoke weed with some friends, but it was too late, and she had to go home. I also invited her to a student concert the day after. She came, but we barely talked. I saw her the day after at a night club, and we danced together. I invited her home, and she said she'd think about it.
We didn't talk for 1.5 month, except for maybe a bit of small-talk, but when I saw her, I'd stare at her. One day, at quiz, she flirted heavily with me. I tried to have a real conversation with her, but she only flirted/small-talked, and it seemed to me like she only wanted to hookup, since it was a bit sexual.
We slept together, but we didn't speak that much, and then she left in the morning, I didn't see her for 2 weeks, but the next time I saw her, I tried to sit around her, but she refused to approach me first. We would make eye contact throughout the whole night, and it was only until I approached her first, that she talked to me. We slept together again, and I invited her for breakfast, but she declined. We didn't speak for 2 weeks again, but this time when we made eye contact, and she ignored me, I ignored her back.
After that, we didn't speak for 20-25 days. During this period, I started dating another girl (let's call her B).
First time: I saw A after 20-25 days, and we flirted a little. I bought her a drink and winked at her.
Second time: I saw A again, while I sat with B. B left, and I approached A and flirted a bit with her. I told her "we should talk, we really need to catch up."
[It's been 2 months since I slept with A. I became exclusive with B].
Third time: I sat alone at the bar, and A approached me. She attempted to flirt a little by saying we should watch a movie together, and leaning her knee against me. I was friendly, and we talked normally. I needed to leave and told her "we should talk, we should catch up, we really should talk more."
The day after I was at a concert. I made out with B. Apparently, A was at this concert, but I didn't see her. I saw her later at the nach, and spoke with her normally. I excused myself and said I needed to grab a beer, but I didn't return, and talked with B and then some other people.
Later that night, I bumped into A, who dragged me a little to the side. She mildly flirted by leaning her knee against mine. We talked, but then I pulled a friend into the conversation who told her "he used to be crazy, but he calmed down after he got a girl." A said that was nice, and they talked. While they did, I went to the bathroom, and then came out, standing with B, who touched my face. I didn't do anything.
A came up to me, and took me to the side. She asked if I had a girlfriend, and I said technically no, we're only exclusive. She said she felt I had lead her on, because I didn't tell her we were a thing. I said I was only trying to have a polite conversation, and wanted to reject her nicely. She said I could've have mentioned B. I told her I found it difficult. She said she thought I acted like that, because I was still interested in her. I told her I didn't mean to hurt her, but I couldn't oppose what she was saying.
She told me she regretted how she acted and that she was interested, I told her it would've been different if she told me earlier, but I'm going to be with B now. She asked if I was serious about B, and I said I was going to be with B. She asked again, and I said I wasn't sure, because B was an exchange student. She asked if we were going to be long-distance; I said I wasn't sure, I didn't think about the future. She asked if I was interested; I told her I was with B now. She asked again, and I said if it wasn't B, it would be her.
I got together with B for a couple of years, and we were really serious. But then we broke up, and I started to date A. A was much more serious this time when we dated, and I quickly fell in love with her. I could seriously spend my whole life with her, and I'm crazy about her.
Problem :
However, because of all the drama before, A feels incredibly insecure. She has spent a lot of time on Reddit, and people have told her she's the second choice. I feel like this is affecting our relationship, and her self-esteem. When I met her, she was very playful and flirty. And with other people, she smiles a lot and is playful, but with me she's not like that. She says she has a hard time acting like that after what happened. How can I help her let go?
Questions:

• How do you perceive this situation? Because when she posted about it, people would say different things: that either she fucked up, or that I'm a fuckboy. But I had no idea she was even interested, until she told me. I did flirt with her, but I didn't know it was serious.
  
• Did I not chase her hard enough? People here have said it didn't seem like I chased her hard enough, but I barely knew her, and she didn't seem interested, so should I really have been expected to chase her more?
  
• Second choice: I don't feel like she is, because 1) I tried chasing her, 2) I didn't know she was interested, until she told me, 3) I barely knew her, and 4) I was already with someone else.
  
• My girlfriend has later told me she's afraid she's backup, because of what I said the third time I saw her ("we should talk"), and based on our conversation at the after-party. And that she felt like I didn't reject her directly, because I wanted to keep her around in case it didn't work with B. However, I feel like I was interested in A, and found it hard to reject her.
  
• She's also hurt by how I went to the bathroom. She feels humiliated by the fact that she tried to flirt with me, while I was with someone else. I don't know how to reassure her.
  

I'm not breaking up with her, but I'm wondering how people here view the situation from my perspective. I know some people probably say we should give this up, but it's been many years since this happened, so I feel like we've both grown and made mistakes, so I want her to let this go, and not be affected anymore. I love her too much to give up on her.

Hello, ginawa ko lang ‘to para mag labas ng hinanakit. my ex M19 and i M19 broke up months ago; because of cheating. We've been together for 11 months. We ended up on bad terms. Last year kami nagkakilala sa isang app. By september, talking stage na kami ganon, tapos he gave me his account, i forgot why. Dahil yata sa akala niya nag o-overthink ako or what. Sinabi niya sakin na ako ang first gf niya, kasi lagi raw siyang iniiwan because of his looks, lol. Edi ako naman todo comfort, sabi ko ganito ganiyan. Pero nung pag open ko nung account niya, nakita ko convo nila ng ex niya. He is begging for her to come back, pero april pa naman ‘yon. Baka isipin niyo ang babaw ko. No, kasi he lied. Hindi lang ‘yon, nakita ko rin gc nila ng COF niya, may isa ron is shiniship sa ex ko, tapos ito namang si ex, nag bigay ng clues tungkol sa letters ng name ko na meron din kay ate girl. Edi nag assume naman sila, tapos biglang nag first monthsary kami. Minyday ako ni kuya mo. Dagdag ko lang din pala na minyday niya ako, pero naka custom lang saakin HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA, nakita ko rin story archive niya, puro babae. Tapos ayon diba, minyday ako, edi nahurt naman si ate girl, pati mga kaibigan ng ex ko na kaibigan din ni ate girl, btw classmate sila. Nasaktan ako dito sobra, kasi sinusulsulan pa ng mga kaibigan niya ‘to si ex, SOME OF THEM AY MERON PARTNER. Nasa circle lang din nila mga jowabels nila, ka ts gwnon. Sinasabi nila na dapat yung girl nalang, hindi ako ganon. Tuloy pa rin sila sa pang s-ship sakanilang dalawa. Hindi ko muna siya cinonfront about this, kasi i got shy kasi wala namang kami.
By october, someone messaged me. "hi po, you don't know me pero meron akong gustong sabihin sayo" this is the exact words na sinabi saakin, syempre kinausap ko. Sinabi niya na someone is messaging him using dump account. "it's about your bf kasi e, di ba si [retracted] bf mo? hindi ko intention na siraan siya pero kasi deserve mo rin malaman, it also pains me na meron siyang masasaktan". I found out na meron siyang iba pang account, AND HE IS ASKING FOR NU*ES. He manipulated me. And I got manipulated. I am at my lowest during that time, he knew na sobrang hindi ako okay nung mga oras na ‘yon, he assured me na naiintindihan niya ako, sobra. And I believed him. I messaged him, about sa nangyari. Dineny niya. Wala ako sa mood na makipag talo pa o ano, I asked him and blocked him. He chatted my best friend na baka pwedeng i unblock ko na siya kasi hindi raw siya ‘yon, someone is using his picture raw, his identity. Of course I didn't believe him. Pero I unblocked him. Hinayaan ko nalang, ayoko na dumagdag pa ‘yon sa mga problema ko, hindi kasi siya tumitigil sa pangungulit. Sinasabi niya sakin na alam ko na church boy siya, na president siya ng youth sa church nila, kaya napa isip din ako. Pero alam ko naman na siya ‘yon, malakas instinct ko.
Na open ko rin pala yung ig niya before, nakita ko ron na ang hilig niya makipag d!rty talk and v€s, hilig niya mag aya ganon. Nanghihingi siya lagi ng n/des sa mga nakakausap niya na pinagbibigyan din naman siya. Nabigla ako, of course. TAPOS PALA, may time rin na nag t-take ako ng quiz, before mag quiz, lesson muna, nasa school ako niyan. Last subject na, before mag quiz, I checked his account para mabasa if ano message niya sakin kasi ayoko nga i seen. Tapos pag open ko, may nakakausap siya na babae. AND SCHOOL MATE, cm niya yata rin ‘yon e. He is flirting with that girl. Of course I got hurt. Ito yung unang beses na nalaman ko na he is cheating on me. Nanginginig ako non, tapos bigla pang quiz HAJAHAJJAHAHAHAH calculation pa ‘yon, nanginginig ako habang napindot sa scical ko AHAHHAHAHHAHAHA tapos, ayon, I still managed to get a perfect score kahit akala ko lagapak ako ron kasi wala talaga pumapasok sa utak ko except sa convo nila. Whime i am taking my quiz, naka screen record ako sa account nila, dinedelete niya kasi agad after. Takot mahuli e.
I forgot na sa ibang nangyari BABABBABHABANJJSBHABA, fast forward na, this year lang kami nag break, and after ilang days ng break up namin, nakita ko sa tiktok account niya na may nakakausap siyang babae ron, nanghihingi rin ng nudes, ulit. Pero he ghosted her. Nakipag break ako sakaniya kasi sobrang sakit na, hindi ko na makaya. Sobrang down na down ako, like alam mo ‘yon, nag f-flashback sa utak ko lahat ng ginawa niya. Anyways, na oopen ko pa rin account niya sa fb kasi he forgot the password kaya di niya ma change pass. nababasa ko convo nila ng mga kaibigan niya, ang dami niyang sinasabi sakin, na cheater daw ako ganon. Mga kaibigan niya naka bantay din lagi sa sp ko, sa story ko. Tapos isesend sa gc nila and i b-bash. Sobrang nagalit ako nung sinabi niya na nag f-flashback yung ho3 phase ko at cheater daw ako, kasi nag sasabi ako ng good night na pero online pa rin ako lol. alam niya na hirap na hirap ako matulog sa gabi kasi sa insomnia ko, ayaw ko lang talaga ng makakausap kasi sobrang drained ako. ilang beses ako nakipag break sakanila dahil sa sitwasyon ko. Alam ko na mapapagod ko lang siya dahil sa sitwasyon ko. I told him na hindi ako okay, aware siya sa lahat ng problema ko, lahat ng nangyayari sakin. He knew how many times i tried to kms. Tapos he even said na he shouldn't trust me since day 1, lmao. Sobrang napuno ako, I created a gc, kasama siya at COF niya. Nilabas ko lahat ng galit ko ron, kasama na yung pang loloko niya sakin at panunumbat. Pati na rin yung panunulsol ng mga kaibigan niya sakaniya na hiwalayan na ako, na layuan na ako. HINDI KO ALAM KUNG PAANO NIYA NATITIIS NA LAIT LAITIN AKO NG MGA KAIBIGAN NIYA. Alam niya na sobrang insecure ako, I often compare myself sa ibang tao. Grabe, he treated me so well to the point na I didn't notice that there's another girl. Nung gabi na cinonfront ko siya, don ko nalaman lahat. Hindi naman pala talaga ako una palang. Never naging ako. Ginawa niya akong pampalipas oras. Ang tagal tagal, almost one year niya akong ginagago. It hurts me knowing na he doesn't really love. He never did. Sinabi niya na una palang, si ate girl na talaga. Sinabi niya ‘yon sakin nang harap harapan. Witness yung mga kaibigan niya at kaibigan ko ron. Grabe. Sinabi niya pa saakin na sobrang hirap ko raw i handle. Sobrang nakakapagod daw ako, sobrang toxic ko raw. SOBRANG SAKIT, kasi he made me think na naiintindihan niya ako... Ngayon, masaya siya kay ate girl, habang ako, it still haunts me. Sobrang lunod na lunod ako, hindi ko alam kung paano ako babangon. He is my first boyfriend na pinakilala ko sa mga magulang ko, sa buong pamilya ko pa.
Kung mababasa mo man ‘to, i want you to know that i'm still haunted by the past. Please help me forget you. I asked for a closure, i even apologized to you sa pagkukulang ko sayo, sa lahat ng nagawa kong mali, i'm so sorry kasi hindi ako naging enough sayo. Closure lang hinihingi ko, bakit hindi mo pa maibigay? YOU GAVE ME TRAUMA. Trauma na hinding hindi ko makakalimutan.
Lalabas lang ako sama ng loob, hahahaha.

This is how I play my mythic quest, and it's mostly fine:

1. Make a deal with Zacharius at Lost Chapel, and choose Lich path at Drezen, but bury Staunton's corpse as a Knight and flirt with Queen.
2. Build a Ziggurat and stress you shall make sure not to damage Drezen resident's houses.
3. Build the Pillar of Skulls for Zacharius
4. Proceed with Spiritual Bond quest normally into Areelu's Lab
5. Go into the tomb by persuading Kyado to give you the key (he can't be saved except on Angel or Trickster path anyway), raise Delamere, ask her if she likes the new existence, get sad when she says it's a torment, and lay her back to rest.
6. Give Ciar the Fang of Malice and convince him you are not Crusaders' enemy.
7. Choose 'Those plebians don't deserve to learn necromancy!', 'undead fighters should co-exist with the living', etc.
8. Ask the Siabrae kindly 'Could you release Miammir, pretty please? I can even trade treasures for her!' Get rejected twice, proceed to smh your head and devour his soul as the proper Lord of Death you are.
9. Laugh at the boy in Gundrun who wants to raise skeletons against you and order the skellies to stab him back instead.
10. Get to Terendelev's lair and spare the living cultist at the behest of Hal. Not because of mercy, but that he can always be killed afterwards if he's naughty anyway.
11. To Midnight Fane and get sacked by the Queen! Still have a date with her beforehand.
12. Now we are in the Abyss, we have less... moral difficulties using our lich power. They all deserve it, after all.
13. Get told by Zacharius that we have to sacrifice our emotion and soul power for Lichdom!!! Did I not read my fine prints on 'Toward Eternity'? 🤡
14. Get angry at Zacharius, but you can't do anything against him at this moment anyway.
15. Pity the poor Alinythia's soul as you awaken him and witness how Nocticula backstabs him
16. Torture the obsidian mask into submission. It is a body-hopping abomination so it doesn't have human rights anyway.
17. Answer Zarachius' quiz on Lichdom and give the wrong answer. Get doubly annoyed at Zacharius' mockery.
18. Smack Goat Boy's Head and get back to Golarion.
19. Look at the self-raised Staunton, and curse at the general direction of the Ziggurat that Zacharius doesn't send out a single skeleton when Drezen is washed with demons.
20. Lichdom is overrated anyway, Polymorph into a giant Dragon instead.
21. Bonus point: You get to burn the smug skeleton face of Zacharius with your holy dragon breath.
22. Turns out all your lich spells are still intact, throw out Holy Maximized d10 Feast of Blood around, as people worship you as the ultimate figure of mercy

To be honest, it is hard for me to pick the best parts in a game I love so much! I even like the character-building screen.

1. Getting set up.

You start off the game by making your character. You can either answer a set of questions that are like a personality quiz and then the game will select your clan for you. Or, you can set it up manually, which I always prefer. You select your sex, and then your clan. Then you fill out a sheet that resembles the tabletop game character sheet. Putting your limited points into the traits you want your character to start with, Dexterity, Strength, Charisma, Computer, etc. Plus some vampire abilities that depend on the clan you select such as Obfuscate (invisibility), Potence (supernatural strength), Dominate (mental control of other vampires and humans), etc. You then name your character and the game starts. (The below images are the best I could find for vanilla version and are not for the same clan)
https://preview.redd.it/t6p9q0jac5vc1.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=5e9e4a477cd6fb9231c261b1804746b50275262c
https://preview.redd.it/69pw65pdc5vc1.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=eeb4418297f2572f84a64e5e4e1952b304e1274a

1. Never go home with strangers.

Once you have started the game, a scene depicting your character in a crappy apartment/hotel room with the person who turns out to be your "sire" (the vampire who turns you) will begin. (Since I never purchased or saw a physical copy of the game, I don't know if this is true, but I read somewhere that according to the original manual that came with the disk jacket, you followed your sire home from a bar for a one-night stand) It will depict you with a male sire if you are a female character or a female sire if you are a male character, in the throes of apparently sexual passion before they say "I want to show you something." You then hear your character scream in terror. The reason I say "apparently sexual passion" is because there is some debate as to whether vampires in the WOD actually have sex. Technically, they have no need for it and the lure is only used for feeding. Not to mention the mechanics are up for debate. I have heard some say that male vampires have to spend blood points to be able to-get wood, but then in the game, your female vampire has a chance to do it with a ghoul (a human who has drunk a vampire's blood and is bound to them as their servant) and she can say "I could rub some blood on my bits and you can give it a go." Or something like that. And I'm like, hmmm, why couldn't a female vampire expend blood points to-uh humm-get wet without having to grease up the outside of them? Unless that's what she meant. There is also debate on whether they would actually enjoy sex, although there is one female vampire in here that sure does. Although she is also Malkavian, so there may be something else she enjoys it for. Anyway, you can't see anything except condoms and legs rolling around on the bed, so we don't know if they are actually doing it. And no, there is no option for homosexual partners in the original game, 2004 here, but in the Antitribu mod or the Clan Quest mod, you can choose your character's "history" on the character screen and they have an option for homosexual. This will give you a same-sex sire.
https://preview.redd.it/6opjjk8zc5vc1.png?width=1351&format=png&auto=webp&s=35333534b1fec9ce5207d2290a3b69dbe77baa27
https://preview.redd.it/qsm3d8f6d5vc1.png?width=1428&format=png&auto=webp&s=89a2138343c5381dc43895681b829a035ffcb48e

1. Dinner and a Show

After your character screams, you wake up in the same bed an indeterminate amount of time later with bite marks on your neck slowly closing. You are now a vampire, (or Kindred as Jack the Anarach will tell you is their word for themselves) but before you can ask your sire anything, two other vampires burst in the door and stake hehim and you (In VTM, staking does not kill a vampire, only puts them into "Torpor" which is like suspended animation). Waking up you hear a man who sounds like a BBC documentarian talking about how we are all gathered to witness the punishment of this vampire and their "childe" (the vampire they turned) due to the sire breaking "the rules that bind our community together." A huge vampire who looks like a giant demon with a sword reminiscent of the huge ones in the Final Fantasy series then chops your sire's head off. It is heavily implied that you are to be beheaded, too. In the WOD, the Camarilla Prince ('Prince" in this world is a gender-neutral term for the vampire that governs a specific territory like a mini-monarch) usually destroys both the sire and childe if they turned them without permission. But an Anarch in the crowd stands up and screams that that is bullshit. Seeing the potential PR nightmare, BBC man (who we learn is the Prince of LA, Sebastian LaCroix) decides to spare your unlife. We think. As said, we technically do not know if he was going to kill you, but in the universe they usually do, so he probably was. This is never fully confirmed.
https://preview.redd.it/ed9lmcdcd5vc1.png?width=1390&format=png&auto=webp&s=073439c154c0e7da212abc9cab00261231c25099
https://preview.redd.it/hk3vm3hfd5vc1.png?width=1432&format=png&auto=webp&s=097b8d13799ff9086497e4605025d59a563688d3
I know it seems a little dumb, but I have always thought that the intro scenes to this game are part of what makes it so memorable. You played this game knowing that you were going to be a vampire, and yet instead of just starting you off as a vampire, they make you a human who just followed the wrong guy/girl home and wound up with this new existence in a world that you never knew was there. You can almost feel your character's confusion.

1. Your very first ghoulfriend...

After surviving the trial and deciding whether or not you will follow Smilin' Jack through the tutorial, you will arrive in your first "haven" (a vampire's "home" or better described as their hideaway from the sun) Here you can check your email, the drawer, and note on the desk for money and instructions. You can leave the apartment and go straight to the contact LaCroix told you to visit, Mercurio, or you can wander around and explore, but you can't advance until you speak with Mercurio. Mercurio is a ghoul, I always assumed Sebastian's but don't know for certain. When you speak to him he will give you a mission to retrieve a bomb and if you ask if there is anything you can do for him, he will tell you to retrieve some painkillers so he can stave off the agony from his stab wounds until he gets his next "fix"-vampire blood from his master. Mercurio will also explain that he is over 70 years old even though he looks like he is still in his early 30s. This is due to the temporary immortality that ghouls obtain from drinking their master's blood. This causes your character to learn about ghouls. Or, if you don't go to him straight away, you can go to the hospital across from your haven where you will meet Knox outside the front door. He will immediately engage you to let you know he knows you're a vampire. Then, he will tell you how excited he is to be a ghoul and explain what a ghoul is. Either way, your character has to know about ghouls if you want to do the next part. After speaking to one of them and using either the side door of the hospital down the alley or intimidation/persuasion (blue and green lines if you put enough points in one of those traits) to get past the front desk lady, you can open a door immediately on your left and there's Heather Poe. Heather is a poor unfortunate college girl who is bleeding to death and in desperate need of help. You can now choose whether you want to give her some of your blood or not (only if you know about ghouls) I always find that you have to talk to her twice, first I had to tell her I would go get help and the convo would close and then I had to come back and say "drink some of this and live" or one of those lines. She will drink your blood and immediately get better. But don't tell her you're a vampire now! You will lose a masquerade point if you do. A quest will start telling you to keep your eyes open for her because Heather is now your ghoul.
https://preview.redd.it/12ah18xrd5vc1.png?width=1284&format=png&auto=webp&s=5831988449219a63af93fdd1c432f0b8b56a0d7d
(from what I know, ghouls can go back to normal after a while if they only drank once or maybe twice. I am not sure but I think they need to drink three times before they are hopelessly addicted and will die without it. This is probably why you can't tell her what you are at this point)

1. The Ivory Princess

At some point, you must speak to Mercurio to advance in the game. He will give you the bomb mission and once you retrieve it, he will then tell you to speak to Therese Voerman at The Asylum to find Bertrum Taung, who is hiding from Therese. I always loved The Asylum. This is the nightclub that Jeanette and Therese, the Malkavian "twins", run together. And as soon as you walk in for the first time, you meet the most memorable vampire in the whole game. The Harley-Quinnesqe crazy vampire vixen we all remember. The best, most memorable lines with her come when you play as a fellow Malkavian. And the song that is playing in the club, Isolated by Chiasm, is my favorite.
https://preview.redd.it/xvs2a3kvd5vc1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=36cddb55a42a7d08b540c3d889e0a9904925327a

1. The Two-Faced god Janus

After meeting Jeanette and going upstairs to speak with Therese, you will overhear an argument outside of the locked bedroom door between the two "sisters" in which Therese berates Jeanette for interfering with her plans and being promiscuous. When you go in, Jeanette has "locked herself in the bathroom" and Therese sends you off on what is definitely my least favorite quest, and most everyone else's too, since there is a cheat to skip this quest specifically, The Ghost Haunts at Midnight. You are supposed to go and retrieve an item of a ghost that haunts the Ocean House Hotel so that Therese can exorcise the spirits and open up the hotel. These ghosts are a murderous husband and his wife. The wife's ghost wants to go to the other side and she will help you to find her necklace, but the husband tries to kill you for attempting to free her. It is kind of boring though because it's not a lot of action and you can easily avoid the traps by moving fast and ducking. I'm not sure if it's being a vampire that takes some of the fear of ghosts away, but the booby traps can kill you. Tedious, especially after multiple playthroughs.
When you have retrieved the necklace, and maybe the diary, you return to The Asylum and find Jeanette alone in her room. She will beg and pout for you to give her the items. You can do so, but you will fail the quest. Jeanette throws the items into the sea to ruin her sister's plans. The poor ghost is trapped forever and Therese is FURIOUS at you. If, however, you refuse, Jeanette will ask you to go slash some paintings and steal a money box from an art gallery. You can, but really can't refuse. (It is, at this point, that if you flirted with Jeanette in the beginning ie. used the pink lines, you have a chance to ask her about sex and she will "teach you" about doing it as a vampire. This is regardless of your gender. But. you had to put some points in seduction) Go slash the paintings, fight the monster, and return to the club. Therese will be there angry because those were her paintings and then send you to "retrieve her sister" from a diner next door. It's a trap and some human gangbangers will try to kill you. After you survive and go to the club again, you will come in the door to this lovely image:
https://preview.redd.it/ya54qqsxd5vc1.png?width=1200&format=png&auto=webp&s=87e1c415f8e7c0b33b43af88f51db77634a90fd3
There's a reason you never saw them in the same room together-because they were never apart!! Malkavian vampires all suffer from a mental malady, and Therese/Jeanette's or Tourette's is that the original personality (I think it's pretty clear that it was Therese) developed a split personality when they were alive due to a "certain kind" of abuse Therese suffered at the hands of her father when she was a child. She developed Jeanette to cope, I believe, and then when she became a Malkavian vampire, her delusion became real. You can listen to the sad story as you referee the argument between the two "sisters". If you flirted and played nice with Jeanette (even if you refused to give her the items from the Ocean House), and if you obeyed Therese like a good little puppy, then there is a chance you can save both personalities if you pick the right answers. Or, if you didn't treat each personality right, you can only save one. Here are a couple of links with advice.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=215066276
https://www.gog.com/forum/vampire_the_masquerade_series/saving_both_therese_and_jeanette_finally_managed_it
https://preview.redd.it/yjzgjy61e5vc1.png?width=620&format=png&auto=webp&s=18ea312d4a1907fa7f168c6e72b72b67e7906479
What it looks like if you only save Jeanette
https://preview.redd.it/i8dgkno5f5vc1.png?width=1240&format=png&auto=webp&s=a7d71044b8f0a61ac96100317723544e80421fdd
What it looks like if you only save Therese (only she's still blond this is a mod pic)
https://preview.redd.it/n6lg0d85g5vc1.png?width=332&format=png&auto=webp&s=5f969da4a3a80fbef68a41dbf58bd7a3bbf59282
A portrait of the 'sisters' and 'their' father. Not creepy at all...

1. The Man in the High Tower.

Call me a simp, but I have always liked Sebastian. When you have completed the warehouse mission in Santa Monica, the taxi appears (unless you are Nosferatu), and you can go downtown. There are several side missions in Santa Monica though so talk around and look at things to find them. Upon arriving, you will be dropped off in front of Ventrue Tower. Going in, you will meet the same security guard that you had to seduce, intimidate, or sneak past in order to slash the paintings at the gallery-Chunk! Everyone's favorite rotund nightguard. After an amusing little convo where you learn that there are two LaCroixs in the building, one which apparently sells baby food, he will buzz you in (unless you are nosferatu), and you can go up and see LaCroix in his Louis XIV-looking penthouse. One of the best things about this game to me is the painstaking detail they put into some of the settings, and LaCroix's penthouse office is one of these.
https://preview.redd.it/76qhq60nf5vc1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=14480441c38fe743a8bb99b05b45af5e463ff13f
https://preview.redd.it/23t2bn5qf5vc1.png?width=480&format=png&auto=webp&s=e25e8fe5b51074750209086aa6f1f0833e216fcf

1. The Taxi Driver

Your character, as long as you are not nosferatu, will be driven from one part of LA to another by the enigmatic cab driver, whose name you never learn. On any site where it is talked about, most players seem to agree that the taxi driver is none other than Caine from the Bible, the first vampire in the WOD. You can have some fascinating conversations with him on the nature of vampires and the different sects, and he will give you advice. If you use, auspex on him, his aura will shine purple. If you play as Malkavian, you will have a near mental breakdown as the soul of Malkav will recognize his power and, perhaps, his origin.
https://preview.redd.it/b4017djuf5vc1.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=279826d52b18ce2038b75033f686a06e0e383a03

1. The pier

I like the pier, it is another well-done set in the game overlooking the ocean, it has a little arcade you can go into and collect a pack of gum. At the beginning up until you go to Hollywood, I think, you can also see the dangling body of the serial killer's victim surrounded by police. If you listen to them talk, or if you read a newspaper article about the slasher, you will get a mission in which you are to find and stop the killer, who turns out to be a caitiff vampire. You can either kill him or persuade him to stop killing and win a masquerade redemption.

1. Elizabethan Rendezvous

In the first mission the Prince gives you, you have to go and scope out the Elizabeth Dane, a cargo ship that was carrying the Ankaran Sarcophagus, which is a type of ancient coffin that the vampire community believes is carrying Meseracht, one of the ancient vampire Antediluvians, or vampires that existed before the flood. The crew was mysteriously slaughtered and the police are investigating, which delayed the arrival of the artifact. You are to sneak on the ship with help from the crooked cop guarding it and find the sarcophagus, as well as the police report and ship manifest. When you manage to get to the arena where the sarcophagus is, you will see it is ripped open. The prince orders you not to kill any police and if you do, you will be in for some threats and haranguing from the prince when you get back.
https://preview.redd.it/0clbkggxf5vc1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=66fc499fb123885c6e57e0a5cc9e721b742bb7aa
https://preview.redd.it/omgqtofwf5vc1.png?width=962&format=png&auto=webp&s=fc2adc95d02ddcbb0081050629bf6e1478bf4beb

I am not The OOP's, OOP's are:
The husband: u/ThrowRAwifeandfriend
The Wife: u/dreamingdegas
My wife [F32] recently had wine spilled on her by my best friend [F31] during our wedding. Now she is demanding that I [M33] cut ties
Originally posted to relationship_advice
Thanks to u/czechtheboxes and u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU
Thanks to u/soayherder for finding the new update
Previous BoRU 1
Previous BoRU 2
TRIGGER WARNING: harassment, verbal abuse, possible emotional infidelity, obsessive behavior and sexual harassment
Original Post rareddit Jan 23, 2024
Me and Ailie met through a mutual friend in 2012 during a pub quiz at university. I was quite attracted to her and actually told her so at the end of the evening, but she told me she had a boyfriend even though she was flattered all the same.
Fast forward three years later. I meet Eliza at the Edinburgh Fringe and we just clicked immediately. Politics, music, cinema - whatever the subject approached, there was a spark that I’d never felt with anyone else. Like she just made sense with me. Her personality was just vivid. It’s hard to describe but I’ll try - on first impression, she was so knowledgable and enthusiastic, I was taken aback by her intensity. From that point onwards we were inseparable and I was dead certain of our future together long before we got engaged.
Enter Ailie again. I start a new job at an advertising firm with a position in web design and she was one of the only people I knew. At first it was a little awkward given our “history”, especially considering that she was now married to the boyfriend she was dating back then. But there was no one else I knew at the firm and we both had partners at this point, so it couldn’t hurt to be friends right? And to be honest I’m glad because I feel like our chemistry as friends superseded any potential we might have had as a couple. She’s clever and has a bit of a cheeky personality. I’m quite dry and sarcastic myself so I reckon we have a pretty fun dynamic.
Eliza doesn’t seem to feel that way, though. Sometimes when it’s been the three of us she has expressed a feeling of being left out or that Ailie has been making fun of her. I don’t see it - it’s just our dynamic, but there have been a couple of nights where Eliza’s been in tears because of something that Ailie has said. One time Eliza got out of her seat and Ailie sat down where she was sitting to show me a video on youtube. When Eliza came back in she saw Ailie leaning next to me and was upset for the rest of the night. Sometimes there have been times when Ailie has said something that Eliza has read as a come on. Like when I said I missed swimming because I felt out of shape Ailie said “the two of us should go together” with a playful punch. Eliza didn’t say anything at the time but her discomfort was visible.
Things really came to a head though on our wedding and I think the stress of it really got to Eliza. During the reception Ailie bumped into her and red wine spilled all over her dress. She was bawling the entire evening. We’re now on our honeymoon and Eliza has said she hopes for a fresh start but she feels like Ailie might have spilled her wine on purpose. She’s suggesting that I cut ties with her and if I’m honest I’m not so sure I want to. Where do I go from here?
tl;dr wife is getting increasingly insecure about my best friend to the point where she wants us to cut contact. Says that it feels like she’s treating her poorly. I’m at a loss what to do.
RELEVANT COMMENTS/ADDITIONAL INFO
noyeahthanks

The number of times I’ve bumped into someone and spilt my drink on them is exactly once in my entire life and I was a shit faced teenager.
You are either astoundingly naive or Allie is somehow the unluckiest woman in the world to accidentally spill her red wine on the bride on her wedding day. I think you know which one is more likely. Your wife won’t be staying your wife for much longer unless you start actually listening to her and stop dismissing all of her fears as baseless insecurities.

OOP

Ailie was getting a drink from the bar, Eliza had taken off part of her gown for dining and dancing purposes and was leaving our bedroom to return to our table - they bumped into each other and Eliza had a huge red stain over her dress. Ailie made an offhand joke and fled, and Eliza ran up to me in bits and pieces.
It sounded really bad when Eliza told me, and she was in bits about the wine spilling all over her dress, and I went to Ailie and asked her what the hell she was up to. Ailie was so mortified and told me she wanted to sink into a hole, she’s dyspraxic and has struggled with falling at impromptu moments. I’ve actually witnessed it happening before, there was a meeting at work and she gets our colleagues coffee - the moment she came in she tripped and fell, coffee flying everywhere

Rip_Dirtbag

Allie bumped into your wife in her wedding dress, spilling wine all over it, and made an offhand joke before fleeing? What kind of response is that?

OOP

She’s a really awkward person and doesn’t know how to interact with people sometimes. There have been times I have been upset with her because of how glib she’s been about personal issues

~
starvaliant

So someone who has a habit of 'accidentally' saying or doing things that make your wife cry 'accidentally' also managed to spill red wine over her white dress on the biggest day of her life, and you don't think that's at all suspicious?
If you knew - and imagine here that you somehow knew for certain - that she'd done it on purpose, what would your reaction be? Would it change how you thought about her? Give it some thought.

OOP

I would be really hurt if Ailie was doing it on purpose. I love Eliza and want us to be happy and I can see that I’ve really fucked up here, multiple times. Ailie is a good friend but if she’s deliberately being a wind-up merchant and harming my marriage then I’ll have to cut the cord and stop chumming up to her so much
Eliza sometimes says to me that she can intuit people’s opinions and feelings within minutes of meeting them. I’ve never been like that, my folks have always said that I’m terrible with picking up on basic things. I was at an aunt’s house when I was a kid, talking her ear off and she said “oh it’s getting late” multiple times, it was only until my mum dragged me out that I picked up that she wanted me to leave

~
SymblePharon

It really sounds like you're putting your friend first. No wonder your wife is unhappy. She comes back in tears from hanging out, and you still invite Ailie to the wedding? What was that conversation like?

OOP

She got really upset one time during banter because me and Ailie like to roast each other regularly and Ailie roasted her a little too hard I guess. We were singling out things to insult each other on and the subject went to Eliza and Eliza mentioned that she had webbed feet. Since then Ailie’s called her leapfrog.
When I say it Eliza takes it in good stride but when Ailie says it it’s this massive problem. I don’t get it. Eliza has suggested that Ailie’s being serious when she says it as opposed to when I do, but she roasts me the same way too. She said I looked like a Juggalo’s poodle that day because I was wearing baggy “metal” clothes and hadn’t styled my hair so it was frizzing all over the place.

~
secretbeans1367

Why haven’t you stuck up for your wife all those times ailie has hurt her?

OOP

I guess because I didn’t know that I needed to? It seems like it’s a perspective thing. Eliza is a passionate person who cries at Deluxe puppy adverts and the intensity is great for a partner but it can cause problems with friendships. She reads a lot into things her friends do thinking it’s intentional and when she talks to them about what they did, they will be completely shocked and unaware that they hurt her. Ailie is a very sarcastic person in general who rolls with the punches and to me it reads like they struggle to gel rather than intentional cruelty on Ailie’s part but for what it’s worth Ailie has told me that she’s really keen on Eliza and thinks she’s a top girl.

Update Jan 25, 2024
Posting this here bc it keeps getting deleted on relationship_advice
You know I posted here recently looking for guidance on how to deal with my wife’s anxiety and hurt revolving around my friend and eh seems like I got read the riot act, probably rightly so. I have been completely inconsiderate of Eliza’s feelings and how she feels about these roastings and you alerted me to the possibility that Ailie is doing this just to be a little shit.
I sat down with Eliza and we had an in-depth conversation about the wedding incident. I got her to describe the event step by step in her own words:
“I was leaving the lobby into the dining venue and Ailie was a little tipsy at this point and already stumbling from the bar. She was initially walking slower but seemed to speed up when she saw me. We collided into each other and she pulled an ashamed face and made a joke about me looking like Rosamund Pike in Gone Girl before scurrying away. She seemed embarrassed in the moment but she didn’t apologise to me.
I heard from other people that she was appalled about what happened but I never heard anything from her directly. It just paints a picture of habitual micro aggressions from her that has festered into this ugly anxiety whenever she’s around. I pretty much predict whenever I’m in her vicinity, there will be weird behaviour or uncomfortable comments and I don’t want to continue being in a situation where my husband brings someone into my home, who resents me simply for existing.”
That was a real gut punch to me. For me I always felt like it was just insecurity about me fancying Ailie for 10 minutes yonks ago but Eliza is really torn up about this. She’s said that the honeymoon has been miserable because the memory has been swirling around in her mind and she feels like I’m going to downplay or dismiss it. No one should feel like they can’t just be themselves, especially not at home. I didn’t realise what a shithead I’d been and I apologised profusely to Eliza and decided to phone up Ailie to confront her about the wedding incident.
So I did and it … it didn’t go well. Basically I told her that Eliza was really hurt by the wedding dress incident, that she had been hurt by her behaviour for a long time and that if she can’t bring herself to apologise to Eliza’s face at least she should pay towards getting the stain removed - and if she couldn’t bring herself to even do that then our friendship had to stop. To say that Ailie was taken aback would be an understatement.
She was completely blindsided, asking what was wrong with their interactions that made me want to go to such extremes. I mentioned the leapfrog comment and she went “but even you call her that,” stating that Eliza called her Garfield cause of her weight and bright orange hair. When I mentioned that she ran towards Eliza and didn’t apologise for spilling wine on her, she got really upset and started shouting that she wasn’t running at her to hurl wine at her dress, she was running from her because she didn’t want to talk at that moment because she feels like Eliza hates her and she doesn’t know how to go about it.
She started pointing out times when Eliza had been funny towards her and I basically said “right but this isn’t about when Eliza has hurt you, this is about when you’ve hurt Eliza and it’s got so bad that it needs to be talked about” and she started laughing, it was really uncomfortable. I know she does this when she’s anxious about something. Eliza asked me if things were okay from the other room and Ailie demanded if this was set up and when I tried to explain myself, she hung up.
Her husband even phoned me, insisting that he would pay for the damage if it is less stressful for me. I told Ewan (husband) that I appreciated that but I needed to know where Ailie stood regarding what I just said. Ewan told me that Ailie makes jokes whenever she’s anxious or uncomfortable and that they’ve rowed about it in the past but the wedding dress incident is a major issue and that he wants to smooth things over as much as I do. So him and Ailie will pay towards dry-cleaning, whilst a condolences hamper is sent to Eliza.
Eliza was relieved that Ewan was so understanding, but she wasn’t thrilled about Ailie’s reaction. Basically said that the Garfield comment was always about her hair and never about her weight and that she was deliberately trying to make it seem like the bad behaviour went both ways. I don’t think it’s went both ways either, cause I’ve never noticed Eliza roasting Ailie in any real way. Eliza has suggested we try marriage counselling - I was a bit shocked at first because we’ve only been married a month lol! But I decided maybe that’s the way forward because if Eliza reckons that we need counselling for it, then it’s clearly a problem.
So yeah, me and Eliza are going to try marriage counselling and my future with Ailie is uncertain.
Update 2 Feb 3, 2024
So after the rightly deserved bollocking you gave me in the last post, you’ll be happy to learn that Ailie and me aren’t talking anymore, and it’s probably for the best.
Eliza and me received the condolences hamper in the post and it was primarily … soaps. Not in the sense of fragrant body lotions or luxury packages, or even organic bars … just regular, run-of-the-mill soaps. There were two dispensers that were faintly rose scented but it was so mild you had to really look for it. There were several white soap bars that didn’t smell of anything, really, it was so confusing. The only items that suggested it was a proper gift basket were a £6 bottle of Chardonnay and a box of Roses chocolates that looked a fair deal more effort than the cleaning equipment at the nearest pub.
The weirdest item though? A pair of women’s underpants. Not lingerie, not anything lacy or risqué, like - just a plain pair of white pants. They were actually kind of grubby, there was a faint orange lining on them. It just didn’t make sense to me because if they were meant to be for Eliza, they were at least six sizes too big. And if Ailie really WAS making a move on me, they were again around six sizes too big - also, why would she choose such disgusting pants to try and “seduce” me?
It weirded me out so much I rang up Ailie, asking why I had soap and grubby knickers in our condolences hamper. She kept making dry remarks to her husband about there being a strange noise on the other end of the phone. I didn’t get anywhere with her and insisted that Ewan should talk to me instead because getting anywhere with her was like pulling teeth at this rate. After some disgruntled remarks, she passed the phone over. Ewan asked what was up and I explained the whole situation.
He was momentarily surprised when I described the hamper as looking like the luggage of a janitor that lived under a bridge. He said that it was a small package, but there should have been several luxury gifts that weren’t simply sanitary items. Apparently there was a bottle of Chardonnay, a bottle of Shiraz, one box of Rose chocolates, a Lindt bar, a selection of crackers and some assorted cheeses. Somehow that got replaced with leftover soaps bought in bulk and his Y-fronts that Ailie found ever so hilarious and apparently found ever so hilarious to send to my wife. He was hugely apologetic and embarrassed, stating that he’d pay us the cost towards the lost items.
I was raging at this point but I tried to be collected and said “right, let me talk to Ailie again please” and he got her on the line. I told her that she had the chance to make it right and she blew it, and she groaned and told me that Eliza’s jealousy has crippled our friendship and she was sick of having to flatter her insecurities. I said no, you ARE Eliza’s insecurities and we rowed for a bit. Eventually it ended with me saying that this had been building up for a while and that her attitude had been giving Eliza grief for years. Ailie said “none of this would be happening if Eliza knew how to take a joke” and I just told her that a joke isn’t ruining her wedding dress and then sending her your husband’s stinky Y-fronts. She said I sold out my principles for a girl who’s threatened by other women.
After the phone call Eliza was not so much hurt as she was confused at first, because she was wondering if there was a mix-up until I explained to her the “joke”. She seemed pretty much resigned to the idea that Ailie would always be a shit, and I told her the likelihood of that happening was very slim considering she’s cut me off for standing up for her. I think the counselling has made us stronger and in a weird way I’m glad this happened. Because if your friendship falls apart the moment you try to protect your loved ones, then they probably weren’t that strong friendships at all. Shame I won’t be speaking to Ewan from now on, he’s a top lad.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Material_Cellist

I just hope that you finally feel stupid and YOU APOLOGIZE AND MAKE IT UP TO YOUR WIFE.
How the fuck didn’t you know your friend was bullying your wife is beyond me.

OOP

I have apologised to Eliza, multiple times. I should have been more assertive with Ailie and told her to cut her shit out then. I’m aware that this is entirely on me for being permissive towards someone who was really just being a bully towards my wife. Am trying to do better.

~
mixedmeat

Im glad youre seeing the light, but WHY were you permissive before? why was it only now did you finally believe her and confront Ailie? Did you like the attention? Was it easier to dismiss your wife's concerns as being petty over a crush than to critically consider her feelings and the situation? Also, don't you still work with Ailie?

OOP

I think it was because I saw it as “lost in translation” - like it was something that worked with me and Ailie but didn’t with her, and assumed that she would figure that it was the sort of banter we encouraged and join in at some point.
Eliza’s from a very sincere, straightforward family that say what they mean and don’t necessarily make jokes like I do. The whole idea would be lost on them and they would be really confused and upset thinking that we were actually insulting each other. Eliza’s brother nearly jumped me once just because I said “that’s plenty” when she was rambling on a little (that’s a Still Game reference for the transatlantic pals across the world). I like it when she rambles, I think it’s cute and it’s a running joke between us. But he found it so personally offensive though, like he thought that I was just telling her to put a sock in it and started ranting at me for disrespecting his sister like that. Eliza started hiding her face in shame, it was that extreme a reaction.
I think I should have been paying more attention though. Eliza told me that when she’s tried to chat to her Ailie’s just been like “I don’t do small talk” and they’ve sat in complete silence. Apparently when she tried to chat at another time she was totally noncommittal and yawned so loud that it woke up our dog. I only found this out recently because Eliza didn’t want to inconvenience me and I feel so ashamed of my behaviour. I felt like there was just crossed wires but Ailie really was bullying Eliza and finding creative ways to essentially make her uncomfortable and squeeze her out of our dynamic. I don’t know why or how she thought any of that was appropriate but it’s irrelevant as my wife should never be scared of telling me how she really feels.
Yeah I work with Ailie. That is a complication that I hadn’t considered. I wouldn’t worry about her causing drama in the workplace because she values her job greatly but I wouldn’t be surprised about some passive aggressive attitude being thrown my way. Oh well. I guess I’ll have to wait and see what happens but I’m uninterested in any form of reconciliation if she’s going to be that disrespectful.

ADDITIONAL INFO FROM OOP

The reason that Ailie is out my life is because I raised the point in the first place. That’s more to do with her than me or my passivity. And yeah I’m aware it was a problem, you’re damn right it was a problem, but it feels like even when I’m trying to right the wrong I’m getting a finger wagging really. I don’t mind criticism but at this point it feels a bit like I’m getting blows for new reasons.
I didn’t pick up on Ailie’s shitty behaviour before, I felt like it was crossed wires at first but the reason why she isn’t talking to me is because I told her off for treating Eliza like shit to begin with. I should have done it long ago, I acknowledge that, but let’s not start fantasising about a future where I’ll just welcome her back in with open arms for treating my wife like that. It’s not going to happen because I want a future with Eliza much more than I want a pal to have lunch with. I’ve messed up, I know I have and I want to change it. Let’s just be moving forward.

OOP when asked if the underwear was his

I didn’t. I stopped fancying Ailie in 2012 after she said she was taken. I didn’t sleep with her and I don’t really care for that kind of speculation, it’s just untrue and adds more fuel to the fire. People come across this stuff irl and it just exacerbates problems.
Eliza came across one of the videos about my post on YouTube or TikTok and it stirred up a lot of painful feelings, especially reading about your reactions. She was shocked that I sought online advice, because I usually try to handle things by myself. She was more shocked by the comments, that were overwhelmingly on her side. It helped her acknowledge how shitty and awful everything done to her had been and we had a long talk about it.
I’ve agreed not to talk to Ailie, as she is clearly only interested in causing trouble for a cheap laugh. I mentioned the situation to HR (even the stinky underpants) and they said they’d speak to her and keep an eye on any potential developments but so far no trouble. As far as I know Ailie’s been having lunch with another colleague and I now go down to a neighbouring cafe to grab a baked potato. Whenever I’ve been in her vicinity she’s just mumbled “alright” so I’m guessing there were some words (between her and HR I mean).

OOP on how his wife is doing

She’s doing well. So far, so good. We had a really successful couple’s counselling session and it opened my eyes towards so much of my behaviour, and how I was essentially permitting bad behaviour for so long. I realised that it was because investing in something emotionally heavy or even just a problem makes me really anxious, so I try to distance myself from conflict. It used to be whenever my relatives fought, they would sort of figuratively pull at me like a ragdoll into taking their side, and that behaviour upset me so much that any sort of conflict was offputting to me.
But I realised that when I essentially do that, I leave problems completely unsolved and cause my loved ones pain due to my own anxieties. So if someone is mistreating someone I love, I’m not in their corner like I should be. A big part of these counselling sessions is figuring out how to manage accountability and not just being like “oh it’s my childhood, blah blah blah” and stepping up the mantle into making things right. Me and Eliza now do daily check ins, like how are you feeling today, how are you managing that, is there anything you’re not happy about and what can be done to help you. So far it’s been really helpful, as She seems in much better spirits and we’ve been having date nights again, which is great. Asides from the occasional disagreement, things genuinely have improved.
As for Ailie, well things haven’t changed much, but luckily the work situation has been tolerable. I’m surprised how much I like eating outside work, tbh. Can’t stand the canteens, the food is shite

NEW UPDATE FROM THE WIFE

Posted by u/dreamingdegas
Is it cruel to flirt with another man in front of my husband purposefully? March 23, 2024 (month and a half later)
Tom and I have been together for 8 years, married for 2 months. He is handsome, funny, quirky and a wonderful conversationalist, just perfect for me really. We go dancing, jogging, visit galleries and cook together. He is so sensual and loving, it’s astounding and there’s never a dull moment with him. I’m fond of his mum and he has welcomed my folks as his own family too. We rarely argue most of the time … except on one topic.
Tom had a close friend who on multiple occasions he’s described as his best friend, let’s call her Julia. Originally Tom tried to ask her out years ago (before he met me), but she turned him down. They bonded over work. They had back and forth that seemed impenetrable, as whenever I tried to join in, Julia would give me these droll, blank stares. She was somewhat flirtatious with Tom, stroking his bicep when he flexed it, suggesting they should work out together. She also made somewhat insensitive comments that have really upset me.
Whenever I tried to bring this up Tom hand-waved it as “banter” that I was overthinking, insisting that it was in good faith but I was never so sure. I tried to chat to Julia one day when Tom left the room and she just muttered “I hate small talk” and started scrolling on her phone. Another time I was talking to her, she just muttered “mmhmm” throughout the entire conversation in a very bored tone and demonstratively yawned. The final straw was when she escalated her behaviour from immature jabs to a “prank” that was primarily done to humiliate me. It didn’t physically hurt, but it was emotionally devastating in a way that caused so much hassle that me and Tom had to go to marriage counselling for it. He also more or less stopped talking to Julia because of it.
At first he was really defensive and kept claiming Julia’s behaviour is primarily just edginess that I’m misconstruing as having more sinister intentions, but the marriage counsellor has pointed out that his repeated invalidation has weighed on our marriage and its impact will take a while to be lifted - and that the primary way to heave that weight will be to trust my impressions if I believe that something is up.
After a particularly heated counselling session, he was agreeing with a lot of the talking points our counsellor was making, but he was still insistent that Julia had no feelings for him. I said that given her past behaviour, it’s very likely she holds some sort of torch for him regardless of whether she admits to it or not. He told me that I was reading too much into it and I was absolutely livid, it was as though he learned nothing from our sessions. To put it across to him more aggressively, I waved over a stranger in fitness gear, complimenting his muscles. I asked him where he worked out and when he answered, I told him we could meet up and work out together one day with a wink.
When he left, Tom was enraged and demanding that I explain myself but I told him that the explanation was right there in my behaviour. He was furious, understandably so, but it was the only way he could understand the severity of my pain - to experience it himself. He then shouted that what I did was specifically done to flirt whereas Julia was likely not intending that at all. I called bullshit, stating that it’s the exact same thing, regardless of intention - if I’m perfectly honest, it frustrates me that even to this point he’s still defending her months down the line.
Am I being the asshole here?
RELEVANT COMMENTS/ADDITIONAL INFO FROM OOP
On Tom and Julia's relationship right now

There’s no affair now as Tom doesn’t talk to Julia at all anymore.
They weren’t having an affair when they were friends but she can be rather flirtatious with her friends in general. She casually flirts with both men and women in general, in my eyes, that’s how I perceive it - but Tom just thinks she has a raunchy sense of humour. As far as I know she has not cheated on her partner or anything but I found her behaviour really hurtful and inappropriate and hated it when Tom humoured it.
He has come to many meaningful conclusions about how his invalidation has hurt me and has made many leaps and bounds with it, but one huge roadblock seems to be how Julia’s behaviour was - or could even be - interpreted as a come on.

OOP retelling the dress incident

She damaged a dress of mine apparently on accident, and was too ashamed or embarrassed to apologise. When she was given the chance, she sent a disgusting “present” that made it finally sink in for Tom that she was treating me like sneaker residue. Afterwards Tom has been firmly no contact with her.

On the gym date

I know it wasn’t the best way to go about it, but outside of our daily talks and our counselling, how would have Tom picked up? It’s not something that I would want to engage in on a regular basis - he needed to see things through my eyes for a moment so he could understand my past heartache. After that we could continue as usual. Do you have any ideas? I would like to know - sincerely. I am not being sarcastic just so you know.
Tom feels the same way about Julia’s behaviour that you do - like she was just a friend extending an invitation - but given her cruelty towards me, I’m inclined to wonder whether she’s either marking her territory as the main woman in his life or has some unresolved feelings of her own …

OOP on her husband repeating the same mistakes with Julia or someone else

That’s what I am concerned about - not Julia coming back, but a similar situation happening with someone else. So I wanted to give Tom an example of how that would feel.
Yeah Julia is very immature. She’s a gamer which isn’t really a problem to me but sometimes she acts like a teenager and sulks when things aren’t going her way. She acts a little like Garfield, hating Mondays and all … that was an excuse she made one time for not having to engage in pleasantries with me 🙃

OOP on how her husband sees things differently concerning Julia and the situation

Tom is pretty bad at gaining perspective. He asked around his friends what to do and they basically stated that I was being jealous and irrational. They’re all close to Julia so that definitely plays into it, which isn’t a great compass. He asked his mother and she just said flowers and chocolates would make up for anything, if not that then a “boot up the arse” 😬
There’s also an aspect of his childhood that plays into it - his family used to involve him in fights growing up and he would be treated like a dishrag if he chose the “wrong” position so he tries to avoid drama whenever he can. But this my experience we are talking about here - he can’t refute that, and is coming to terms with the fact that he needs to put his foot down sometimes, even if it annoys or upsets people he loves. If they love him, they won’t flounce at the first sign of conflict

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I don't usually post on reddit. But I went through a pretty shitty breakup. My girlfriend did morally grey things, that I found atrocious, if you're in a committed monogamous relationship. She kissed a guys hand because she was pushed to in a truth or dare game, and she let a friend kiss hers when consoling him as he cried about his broken legs. The events were weird enough, but the fact she hid them from me, was enough of a red flag. She admitted in f*cking installments, first telling me that the guy forcefully shoved his hand in her face. I pushed her for the guys details so I could make sure he paid, then over 3 days she told me what actually happened. She explained that she was scared of my reaction, that I'd possibly breakup, but admitted that it wasn't a justified reason. She didn't hang out with the guys again, and told me she only did it then to get out of the situation, again she admitted that was a shit reason. During this fight (whilst I had her blocked) I had the bright idea (sarcasm) of lying that I too had cheated, because I felt so powerless and I could talk to no one, I didn't want to admit to my friends that she did that. I felt that if only one person had done it, then there's humiliation and guilt separately for each, but maybe if it was shared we could empathise in some weird way. Anyways I told her this lie, obviously she freaked out insisted she wanted to stay together but didn't know how, she talked to her friends (same friends who were present when she did her things) and their takeaways included that I was manipulative for being angry and resenting her for not trying as hard as I would and that what I did (I lied that I talked to an old ex for 10 mins, tried flirting, felt bad and didn't fo anything else. Ofc I didn't do any of this) was cheating and what she did wasn't cheating because of different intentions. We fought, she admitted she cheated too because she did intend to hold and kiss another guys hand. I told her I had lied, admitted it was wrong to lie, she admitted she was wrong, promised never to repeat it, we convinced each other that we could make it work. I forgave her, because I loved her and I genuinely believe that she had no interest in the guy, and I could give up everything for her, even my ego. She did the same too in the past. 2 days later she tells me the other thing about the guy kissing her hand. Worst thing is I rmr the day, she called me panicked that her friend broke his leg, I ditched university work to try and help. She told me everything about that day, even that she held his hand because he was crying too much. I was okay with it all. But she lied about him kissing her hand, she admitted, because she knew it was weird and she was scared then too, she claimed she'd forgotten about it when promising she had told me everything and was now telling me 2 days later. We argued, fought. She admitted she was wrong, said we couldn't make it work. I feel so powerless, so stupid, so angry. Yet I want to text her again. I need her, she's my reference for everything, for the past, for the present, for the future, for my day and my night. I got a fever from this whole fight, have missed classes, terribly anxiety and an inability to do almost anything, which is bad because I have a quiz tommorow. Need help, advice anything

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ThrowRAwifeandfriend posting in relationship_advice
Likely Ongoing as per OOP
Thanks to u/Separate_Kick3186 for suggesting this BoRU
2 updates - Medium
Original - 23rd January 2024
Update1 - 25th January 2024
Update2 - 3rd February 2024
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1 New Update
Thanks to u/lamppostdoor and u/ThatGuyOver9001 for finding the wife's post
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OOP is u/dreamingdegas posting in AITAH
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Update from the wife - 23rd March 2024
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My wife [F32] recently had wine spilled on her by my best friend [F31] during our wedding. Now she is demanding that I [M33] cut ties
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Me and Ailie met through a mutual friend in 2012 during a pub quiz at university. I was quite attracted to her and actually told her so at the end of the evening, but she told me she had a boyfriend even though she was flattered all the same.
Fast forward three years later. I meet Eliza at the Edinburgh Fringe and we just clicked immediately. Politics, music, cinema - whatever the subject approached, there was a spark that I’d never felt with anyone else. Like she just made sense with me. Her personality was just vivid. It’s hard to describe but I’ll try - on first impression, she was so knowledgeable and enthusiastic, I was taken aback by her intensity. From that point onwards we were inseparable and I was dead certain of our future together long before we got engaged.
Enter Ailie again. I start a new job at an advertising firm with a position in web design and she was one of the only people I knew. At first it was a little awkward given our “history”, especially considering that she was now married to the boyfriend she was dating back then. But there was no one else I knew at the firm and we both had partners at this point, so it couldn’t hurt to be friends right? And to be honest I’m glad because I feel like our chemistry as friends superseded any potential we might have had as a couple. She’s clever and has a bit of a cheeky personality. I’m quite dry and sarcastic myself so I reckon we have a pretty fun dynamic.
Eliza doesn’t seem to feel that way, though. Sometimes when it’s been the three of us she has expressed a feeling of being left out or that Ailie has been making fun of her. I don’t see it - it’s just our dynamic, but there have been a couple of nights where Eliza’s been in tears because of something that Ailie has said. One time Eliza got out of her seat and Ailie sat down where she was sitting to show me a video on youtube. When Eliza came back in she saw Ailie leaning next to me and was upset for the rest of the night. Sometimes there have been times when Ailie has said something that Eliza has read as a come on. Like when I said I missed swimming because I felt out of shape Ailie said “the two of us should go together” with a playful punch. Eliza didn’t say anything at the time but her discomfort was visible.
Things really came to a head though on our wedding and I think the stress of it really got to Eliza. During the reception Ailie bumped into her and red wine spilled all over her dress. She was bawling the entire evening. We’re now on our honeymoon and Eliza has said she hopes for a fresh start but she feels like Ailie might have spilled her wine on purpose. She’s suggesting that I cut ties with her and if I’m honest I’m not so sure I want to. Where do I go from here?
tl;dr wife is getting increasingly insecure about my best friend to the point where she wants us to cut contact. Says that it feels like she’s treating her poorly. I’m at a loss what to do.
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Comments
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starvaliant
So someone who has a habit of 'accidentally' saying or doing things that make your wife cry 'accidentally' also managed to spill red wine over her white dress on the biggest day of her life, and you don't think that's at all suspicious?
If you knew - and imagine here that you somehow knew for certain - that she'd done it on purpose, what would your reaction be? Would it change how you thought about her? Give it some thought.
Algernon96
I have a feeling this won’t be the biggest day in his (eventual ex-)wife’s life when all is said and done.
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Update - 2 days later
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You know I posted here recently looking for guidance on how to deal with my wife’s anxiety and hurt revolving around my friend and eh seems like I got read the riot act, probably rightly so. I have been completely inconsiderate of Eliza’s feelings and how she feels about these roastings and you alerted me to the possibility that Ailie is doing this just to be a little shit.
I sat down with Eliza and we had an in-depth conversation about the wedding incident. I got her to describe the event step by step in her own words:
“I was leaving the lobby into the dining venue and Ailie was a little tipsy at this point and already stumbling from the bar. She was initially walking slower but seemed to speed up when she saw me. We collided into each other and she pulled an ashamed face and made a joke about me looking like Rosamund Pike in Gone Girl before scurrying away. She seemed embarrassed in the moment but she didn’t apologise to me.
I heard from other people that she was appalled about what happened but I never heard anything from her directly. It just paints a picture of habitual micro aggressions from her that has festered into this ugly anxiety whenever she’s around. I pretty much predict whenever I’m in her vicinity, there will be weird behaviour or uncomfortable comments and I don’t want to continue being in a situation where my husband brings someone into my home, who resents me simply for existing.”
That was a real gut punch to me. For me I always felt like it was just insecurity about me fancying Ailie for 10 minutes yonks ago but Eliza is really torn up about this. She’s said that the honeymoon has been miserable because the memory has been swirling around in her mind and she feels like I’m going to downplay or dismiss it. No one should feel like they can’t just be themselves, especially not at home. I didn’t realise what a shithead I’d been and I apologised profusely to Eliza and decided to phone up Ailie to confront her about the wedding incident.
So I did and it … it didn’t go well. Basically I told her that Eliza was really hurt by the wedding dress incident, that she had been hurt by her behaviour for a long time and that if she can’t bring herself to apologise to Eliza’s face at least she should pay towards getting the stain removed - and if she couldn’t bring herself to even do that then our friendship had to stop. To say that Ailie was taken aback would be an understatement.
She was completely blindsided, asking what was wrong with their interactions that made me want to go to such extremes. I mentioned the leapfrog comment and she went “but even you call her that,” stating that Eliza called her Garfield cause of her weight and bright orange hair. When I mentioned that she ran towards Eliza and didn’t apologise for spilling wine on her, she got really upset and started shouting that she wasn’t running at her to hurl wine at her dress, she was running from her because she didn’t want to talk at that moment because she feels like Eliza hates her and she doesn’t know how to go about it.
She started pointing out times when Eliza had been funny towards her and I basically said “right but this isn’t about when Eliza has hurt you, this is about when you’ve hurt Eliza and it’s got so bad that it needs to be talked about” and she started laughing, it was really uncomfortable. I know she does this when she’s anxious about something. Eliza asked me if things were okay from the other room and Ailie demanded if this was set up and when I tried to explain myself, she hung up.
Her husband even phoned me, insisting that he would pay for the damage if it is less stressful for me. I told Ewan (husband) that I appreciated that but I needed to know where Ailie stood regarding what I just said. Ewan told me that Ailie makes jokes whenever she’s anxious or uncomfortable and that they’ve rowed about it in the past but the wedding dress incident is a major issue and that he wants to smooth things over as much as I do.
So him and Ailie will pay towards dry-cleaning, whilst a condolences hamper is sent to Eliza. Eliza was relieved that Ewan was so understanding, but she wasn’t thrilled about Ailie’s reaction. Basically said that the Garfield comment was always about her hair and never about her weight and that she was deliberately trying to make it seem like the bad behaviour went both ways. I don’t think it’s went both ways either, cause I’ve never noticed Eliza roasting Ailie in any real way.
Eliza has suggested we try marriage counselling - I was a bit shocked at first because we’ve only been married a month lol! But I decided maybe that’s the way forward because if Eliza reckons that we need counselling for it, then it’s clearly a problem.
So yeah, me and Eliza are going to try marriage counselling and my future with Ailie is uncertain.
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Comments
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realitytvesquire
“Hey, you need to apologize for spilling wine on my wife’s wedding dress and/or pay for the repairs or we can’t be friends”
Correct response: “OF COURSE I will apologize AND pay for the stain! I am mortified that happened and I feel terrible it upset Eliza on her wedding day!”
Incorrect response: “why are you being so mean to me!?!”
Asking someone to apologize isn’t extreme. Cutting out a friend who REFUSES to apologize for an alleged accident that hurt your spouse on her wedding day isn’t extreme.
The fact she only thought about herself and was unwilling to see how she hurt her alleged BEST FRIEND’S WIFE makes her a dick. Being defensive about a request to apologize (WHICH SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE SANS REQUEST) for RUINING her alleged best friend’s wife’s WEDDING DRESS AT THE WEDDING makes her unworthy of your friendship.
Sounds like Ewan wants to smooth things over so his wife still leaves him TF alone when she goes to your house to harass your wife instead of him.
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Valkyr13Vex
Question for you: Is this really the type of friend you want to risk your marriage over? Would you think twice about ditching Allie if she were a bloke and not a girl you once fancied? You called her up a)she didn't even acknowledge the lack of apology b) she blamed all her behavior on Eliza and c) hung up on you when you tried to explain. Everyone here has said you need to ditch this friend, and yet you consider the future with her "uncertain"? You're "shocked" your wife wants marriage counseling? Allie's shown you who she really is now, why not believe her?
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Update - 9 days later
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So after the rightly deserved bollocking you gave me in the last post, you’ll be happy to learn that Ailie and me aren’t talking anymore, and it’s probably for the best.
Eliza and me received the condolences hamper in the post and it was primarily … soaps. Not in the sense of fragrant body lotions or luxury packages, or even organic bars … just regular, run-of-the-mill soaps. There were two dispensers that were faintly rose scented but it was so mild you had to really look for it. There were several white soap bars that didn’t smell of anything, really, it was so confusing. The only items that suggested it was a proper gift basket were a £6 bottle of Chardonnay and a box of Roses chocolates that looked a fair deal more effort than the cleaning equipment at the nearest pub.
The weirdest item though? A pair of women’s underpants. Not lingerie, not anything lacy or risqué, like - just a plain pair of white pants. They were actually kind of grubby, there was a faint orange lining on them. It just didn’t make sense to me because if they were meant to be for Eliza, they were at least six sizes too big. And if Ailie really WAS making a move on me, they were again around six sizes too big - also, why would she choose such disgusting pants to try and “seduce” me?
It weirded me out so much I rang up Ailie, asking why I had soap and grubby knickers in our condolences hamper. She kept making dry remarks to her husband about there being a strange noise on the other end of the phone. I didn’t get anywhere with her and insisted that Ewan should talk to me instead because getting anywhere with her was like pulling teeth at this rate. After some disgruntled remarks, she passed the phone over. Ewan asked what was up and I explained the whole situation.
He was momentarily surprised when I described the hamper as looking like the luggage of a janitor that lived under a bridge. He said that it was a small package, but there should have been several luxury gifts that weren’t simply sanitary items. Apparently there was a bottle of Chardonnay, a bottle of Shiraz, one box of Rose chocolates, a Lindt bar, a selection of crackers and some assorted cheeses.
Somehow that got replaced with leftover soaps bought in bulk and his Y-fronts that Ailie found ever so hilarious and apparently found ever so hilarious to send to my wife. He was hugely apologetic and embarrassed, stating that he’d pay us the cost towards the lost items.
I was raging at this point but I tried to be collected and said “right, let me talk to Ailie again please” and he got her on the line. I told her that she had the chance to make it right and she blew it, and she groaned and told me that Eliza’s jealousy has crippled our friendship and she was sick of having to flatter her insecurities. I said no, you ARE Eliza’s insecurities and we rowed for a bit.
Eventually it ended with me saying that this had been building up for a while and that her attitude had been giving Eliza grief for years. Ailie said “none of this would be happening if Eliza knew how to take a joke” and I just told her that a joke isn’t ruining her wedding dress and then sending her your husband’s stinky Y-fronts. She said I sold out my principles for a girl who’s threatened by other women.
After the phone call Eliza was not so much hurt as she was confused at first, because she was wondering if there was a mix-up until I explained to her the “joke”. She seemed pretty much resigned to the idea that Ailie would always be a shit, and I told her the likelihood of that happening was very slim considering she’s cut me off for standing up for her.
I think the counselling has made us stronger and in a weird way I’m glad this happened. Because if your friendship falls apart the moment you try to protect your loved ones, then they probably weren’t that strong friendships at all. Shame I won’t be speaking to Ewan from now on, he’s a top lad.
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Comments
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Material_Cellist4133
I just hope that you finally feel stupid and YOU APOLOGIZE AND MAKE IT UP TO YOUR WIFE. How the fuck didn’t you know your friend was bullying your wife is beyond me.

OOP: I have apologised to Eliza, multiple times. I should have been more assertive with Ailie and told her to cut her shit out then. I’m aware that this is entirely on me for being permissive towards someone who was really just being a bully towards my wife. Am trying to do better.

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minxedmeat
I'm glad you're seeing the light, but WHY were you permissive before? why was it only now did you finally believe her and confront Ailie? Did you like the attention? Was it easier to dismiss your wife's concerns as being petty over a crush than to critically consider her feelings and the situation? Also, don't you still work with Ailie?

OOP: I think it was because I saw it as “lost in translation” - like it was something that worked with me and Ailie but didn’t with her, and assumed that she would figure that it was the sort of banter we encouraged and join in at some point.
Eliza’s from a very sincere, straightforward family that say what they mean and don’t necessarily make jokes like I do. The whole idea would be lost on them and they would be really confused and upset thinking that we were actually insulting each other. Eliza’s brother nearly jumped me once just because I said “that’s plenty” when she was rambling on a little (that’s a Still Game reference for the transatlantic pals across the world). I like it when she rambles, I think it’s cute and it’s a running joke between us. But he found it so personally offensive though, like he thought that I was just telling her to put a sock in it and started ranting at me for disrespecting his sister like that. Eliza started hiding her face in shame, it was that extreme a reaction.
I think I should have been paying more attention though. Eliza told me that when she’s tried to chat to her Ailie’s just been like “I don’t do small talk” and they’ve sat in complete silence. Apparently when she tried to chat at another time she was totally noncommittal and yawned so loud that it woke up our dog. I only found this out recently because Eliza didn’t want to inconvenience me and I feel so ashamed of my behaviour. I felt like there was just crossed wires but Ailie really was bullying Eliza and finding creative ways to essentially make her uncomfortable and squeeze her out of our dynamic. I don’t know why or how she thought any of that was appropriate but it’s irrelevant as my wife should never be scared of telling me how she really feels.
Yeah I work with Ailie. That is a complication that I hadn’t considered. I wouldn’t worry about her causing drama in the workplace because she values her job greatly but I wouldn’t be surprised about some passive aggressive attitude being thrown my way. Oh well. I guess I’ll have to wait and see what happens but I’m uninterested in any form of reconciliation if she’s going to be that disrespectful.

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Etiacruelworld
See, you just don’t get it you shouldn’t be interested in any form of reconciliation no matter what. It shouldn’t matter if she’s going to continue being disrespectful she already has been disrespectful. You need to cut the cord dude.

OOP: I know she’s already been disrespectful and that’s what I’m realising. That’s why I’m not interested, because she’s been treating my wife terribly for the longest time

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New Update from the wife - 6 weeks later
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Is it cruel to flirt with another man in front of my husband purposefully? - 6 weeks later
Tom and I have been together for 8 years, married for 2 months. He is handsome, funny, quirky and a wonderful conversationalist, just perfect for me really. We go dancing, jogging, visit galleries and cook together. He is so sensual and loving, it’s astounding and there’s never a dull moment with him. I’m fond of his mum and he has welcomed my folks as his own family too. We rarely argue most of the time … except on one topic.
Tom had a close friend who on multiple occasions he’s described as his best friend, let’s call her Julia. Originally Tom tried to ask her out years ago (before he met me), but she turned him down. They bonded over work. They had back and forth that seemed impenetrable, as whenever I tried to join in, Julia would give me these droll, blank stares. She was somewhat flirtatious with Tom, stroking his bicep when he flexed it, suggesting they should work out together. She also made somewhat insensitive comments that have really upset me.
Whenever I tried to bring this up Tom hand-waved it as “banter” that I was overthinking, insisting that it was in good faith but I was never so sure. I tried to chat to Julia one day when Tom left the room and she just muttered “I hate small talk” and started scrolling on her phone. Another time I was talking to her, she just muttered “mmhmm” throughout the entire conversation in a very bored tone and demonstratively yawned. The final straw was when she escalated her behaviour from immature jabs to a “prank” that was primarily done to humiliate me. It didn’t physically hurt, but it was emotionally devastating in a way that caused so much hassle that me and Tom had to go to marriage counselling for it. He also more or less stopped talking to Julia because of it.
At first he was really defensive and kept claiming Julia’s behaviour is primarily just edginess that I’m misconstruing as having more sinister intentions, but the marriage counsellor has pointed out that his repeated invalidation has weighed on our marriage and its impact will take a while to be lifted - and that the primary way to heave that weight will be to trust my impressions if I believe that something is up.
After a particularly heated counselling session, he was agreeing with a lot of the talking points our counsellor was making, but he was still insistent that Julia had no feelings for him. I said that given her past behaviour, it’s very likely she holds some sort of torch for him regardless of whether she admits to it or not. He told me that I was reading too much into it and I was absolutely livid, it was as though he learned nothing from our sessions. To put it across to him more aggressively, I waved over a stranger in fitness gear, complimenting his muscles. I asked him where he worked out and when he answered, I told him we could meet up and work out together one day with a wink.
When he left, Tom was enraged and demanding that I explain myself but I told him that the explanation was right there in my behaviour. He was furious, understandably so, but it was the only way he could understand the severity of my pain - to experience it himself. He then shouted that what I did was specifically done to flirt whereas Julia was likely not intending that at all. I called bullshit, stating that it’s the exact same thing, regardless of intention - if I’m perfectly honest, it frustrates me that even to this point he’s still defending her months down the line.
Am I being the asshole here?
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Comments
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mpan2501
NTA what is wrong with these girl best friends antagonizing the girlfriend and the guy remains “oblivious” and defending behaviors like this? Are men really this dense? And even if they are indeed so emotionally immature they cannot recognize it, how is it OK to dismiss and not recognize their supposed person telling them about their hurting and just doing nothing about it until shit hits the fan? Why?? I’m curious what the prank was that broke the camel’s back for you, only bc i cannot fathom after all this disrespect she showed you what else could she do that was even more aweful??? Good luck friend!

OOP(Wife): She damaged a dress of mine apparently on accident, and was too ashamed or embarrassed to apologise. When she was given the chance, she sent a disgusting “present” that made it finally sink in for Tom that she was treating me like sneaker residue. Afterwards Tom has been firmly no contact with her.

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isaseli
OMG are you the wedding dress lady? If you are I saw you husband post a while ago

OOP(Wife): I tried to omit details that post was famous for, so I could receive advice uninfluenced by people’s feelings on Tom but yeah … people came up to me and spoke about it in person for a while. It was kind of uncomfortable …

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Meganoes
With that context we are all going to vote for you to throw in the towel. Your husband is as dense as they come.
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HarveySnake
NTA Your husband is being intentionally and willfully blind to Julia’s behavior and effectively encouraged it. You gave him a taste of how that feels and looks after trying so many other methods.
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Aggleclack
Well yeah if he admits the truth, he no longer gets to enjoy the “innocent” side piece he’s pulling all of the sweet sweet ego validation from
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JJQuantum
NTA. I actually don’t think Julia has a romantic thing for your husband at all. I just think she likes being the number one woman in his life, though not a romantic partner. To that end she is willing to try and squeeze you out at every opportunity and/or show you who’s boss. The only answer to this is not for you to show her who’s boss. It’s for your husband to show her, hard. He really needs to shut her down. The way she is treating you is unacceptable.

OOP(Wife): That’s exactly it! She’s quite flirty in general, I’ve been at events where we’ve been in big groups of people and she’s made suggestive comments to both men and women. I’m less bothered by the flirting if it doesn’t feel so personal. but there’s a line when she’s being affectionate towards my husband and presenting me with a reception as icy as Antartica

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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Happy March every one, hope your Friday was good i now mine wasn't good
School fight?😮
Friday is even classes so i had periods 2,4,6, and 8, my first class so period 2 i had chem and we had a quiz, guys i failed i got a 9/30 and all my friends got a 12 or 15/30 so disappoint in myself, but its okay because we had a study guide which was worth 5 extra credits so it'll bring up my grade to a 14/30 and we had quiz corrections where you can receive half a credit for i think each question so its all good i did the math and i should get 24.5/30. for all my other classes it was the same. for my last period i had English and guys i got a 79 out of a 100, but some points that were taken off were valid i forgot to add my topic sentences and my conclusion sentences so those were valid BUT she said my thesis statement was not it and she made me change it multiple times and told me to make it sound smarter she told me to look up another word for uncertain to make it smarter, i swear nobody likes her teaching she used to teach college and she cant teach high school shake my head. that was all for my class day, the only exacting part about today was the fight that happened outside it was the lamest fight ever and was stupid, this guy we'll call gg came up to we'll him jj, so gg came up to jj because jj was talking shit about him but also gg was mad that jj took his girl but he really didn't jj girl we'll call her dd, dd was talking to gg and gg started having feelings for dd, but jj asked her out, for background info jj is a man whore, like literally he is and me and him are in the same friend group and me and the rest of the group and basically the school knows he is a whore/hoe because once he dates a girl he finds another one the next day and he usually talks to other girls while he is still dating someone else. his last ex he thought she was cheating and before confirming it he broke up with her and the same day he asked out dd, he was flirting with dd while he was dating the last girl so we all knew he was going to get with her, so that's the background info and also gg friends were the one who was staring the drama, they were the one that were like fight fight you know, but anyways back to the fight, gg went up yo jj and everyone was staring to gather around not fully, gg was talking to jj then he grabbed jj shirt/hoodie cuz he was wearing it but he grabbed him and jj was like i do not want to fight, good for him, he was like this is stupid and i don't want to do it so gg spits on him and jj took his jacket off to get ready but he was actually nah so he went back to where he was, THEN gg stupid friend was like you spit on him so fight him, jj ignored him, so gg swinged and in self defense jj swinged too and then gg tripped and jj was backing gg up, then everyone gathered around and was recording and all the teacher came, the fight was ass bro they barley hit each other it was bad. there is a video online i would link it but where i go to school will be obvious and i don't anyone to find where i go and also it violets my classmates privacy. thats it sorry i know im a yapper.
Thank You,
Love, Princess
Live, laugh, love 😘

While there are many, many ways of doing this – online dating, joining an amateur sports team, taking continuing education classes or finding like-minded groups on meetup – there’s a truth that they all have in common: you’re going to have to learn the art of the cold approach. Cold approaches are when you’re meeting someone you have no social connection with; unlike with a warm approach, you’re meeting a complete and total stranger without even the “friend-of-a-friend” buffer to ease your way.
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It can be intimidating. It can be ball-shrinkingly terrifying at times. You’re going to feel like you’re putting your entire self-worth into somebody else’s hands.
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Don’t mind us. We’re just quietly judging everything about you.
And it is totally worth it.
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The Value of Mastering Cold Approach
So here are some tough truths about making cold approaches: they can be difficult, especially if you’re trying to hook up that night. You are essentially approaching a total stranger and trying to convince them that they would be interested in pursuing a relationship with you in a matter of hours. Warm approaches, on the other hand, involve meeting people you at least have some connection to, which can accelerate building rapport and lessen the chances of getting rejected or shot down right from the get-go. They’re demonstrably easier, especially if you’re even vaguely nervous about approaching people, because you’re already at least tangentially connected.
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So you might reasonably ask: why even do cold approaches at all?
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Well to start with: you’re not always going to have a social circle at the ready. If you’ve just moved to a new city, you’re not necessarily going to have that network of friends and friends-of-friends to introduce you to the people they know. In addition, your social circle may not be all that large or well connected; not everybody’s group of friends is going to be populated by super social extroverts who know dozens and dozens of people for you to meet.
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For another, not everyone you’re going to be attracted to or want to meet is going to be within the expected six-degrees-of-separation that warm approaches bring. There will be plenty of times when you will find some hot stranger with no connection to your life – the female who sits across from you in your Conversational Spanish class, the gorgeous female with the pouty lips you see every week at a super market, the cute bookworm browsing the Fantasy/Sci-Fi section of Barnes And Noble. Being able to go up and strike up a conversation with them means fewer missed opportunities to meet somebody awesome.
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Pop quiz, hot shot. You’ve been dreaming about her all semester, but you’ve never had a chance to introduce yourself before now. What do you do. WHAT DO YOU DO?
In addition, cold approaches are about more than just getting dates or trying to get laid. Being able to build relationships with strangers is a critical part of networking in general. To take a recent example: if you’re hoping to make professional connections at a convention, the place to do so isn’t on the con floor, it’s at the bars and parties after the con closes for the night. If you’re hoping to get Axel Alonso to read your pitch for a gritty reboot of Ultra The Multi-Alien, then you need to know how to start making friends with total strangers in a place where you have next to no social support.
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Just as importantly, however, is the fact that mastering cold approaches makes every other approach easier. If you become skilled at building relationships with people you’ve never met before, imagine how much easier it’s going to be to charm the pants off (figuratively and literally) the cutie that your buddy’s been trying to introduce you to for months!
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THIS COULD BE YOU!
Play your cards right and THIS COULD BE YOU!
Step 1: The Opener
The opener is the simplest, yet most stress-inducing part of a cold-approach. It’s very simple: you are looking for a pretext to start a conversation. That’s it.
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And yet this is the part that trips up people the most. Guys spend more time freaking out about what to say to female than almost any other aspect of the approach. I’ve lost track of the PUA forum threads, PDFs and books dedicated specifically to opening lines, looking for the “magical” opener that will “generate immediate intrigue and attraction in anyone you talk to”.
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"Unstoppable" openers? Silly me, using all of those blockable ones all these years.
“Unstoppable” openers, for all of the verbal linebackers you encounter at bars…
In general, openers are divided into two different types: indirect and direct.
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Indirect:
The indirect opener is a way of starting the conversation without directly indicating that you’re interested in someone sexually or romantically. You are essentially coming up with a plausible excuse to talk to somebody besides the fact that you find them attractive. These tend to be somewhat easier for the shy or socially inexperienced; they’re lower-investment for both parties and allow for you to warm up to talking to somebody before moving the conversation towards a potential date. Indirect openers tend to be either the classic “opinion” opener – where you are soliciting a third-party’s opinion about a matter – or a situational or observational opener. These follow the same pattern: Question, rationale for asking, expanding on the story.
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The most famous is the “jealous girlfriend” opener:
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“Hey guys, my friends and I were arguing about something and we need an outside opinion: would you date somebody who’s still friends with their ex? [Pause for reply] Check this out, so my buddy is still pretty tight with his ex-girlfriend. Like, they’re still friends. And he’s got this box of little mementos and photos and crap – you know, like souvenirs from the past relationship. So one day his current girlfriend finds the box and just freaks out, she’s gotten crazy jealous about this. So now she’s demanding that he burn the box in front of her? Like, do you think that’s reasonable?”
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Another popular one is the “bar fight” opener:
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Hey guys, did you see the fight outside? [Pause for reply ] So check this out, these two dudes come barreling out the front door. I guess one of them hit on the other guy’s girlfriend or something because she’s on the street egging them on. Like she’s really getting off on two guys fighting over her. Meanwhile, one of the guys is all “come at me, bro”, doing the whole chest-thumping pre-fight warm-up and – check this out – the other dude rolls up and just COLD-COCKS him. Drops him with one punch with people yelling “YOU GOT KNOCKED OUT” and shet. Does that sort of thing happen all the time here? Because I’m totally going to have to leave if it does, I’m not going back to jail1 …”
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The potential problem with indirect openers is that… well, they’re indirect. You can easily spend a lot of time talking to someone who is otherwise unavailable but doesn’t bring it up because she thought you were just being friendly rather than actually trying to flirt with her.
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The other problem is that it’s really easy to get stuck on the opener. If you’re already shy or dealing with approach anxiety, it can feel comfortable to stick with the conversation you already have going on instead of trying to shift gears… and as a result, your interaction ends up going nowhere. You have to be willing to cut a conversational thread and move on to an actual conversation if you go indirect.
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Direct:
Direct openers are exactly what it says on the tin: you’re being direct and upfront with someone about why you’re talking to them. These tend to be very simple: “Hi, I think you’re cool and I wanted to meet you. My name is…” and you move on from there. Personally, I’ve had the most success with “You seem like you’re cool… are you friendly? Cool, my name is…”. It’s short, simple and establishes early on that you’re interested in her specifically. It can be polarizing – after all, you’re basically asking her to make a judgement right away as to whether she wants to talk to you – but it also means you find out very quickly whether or not she’s available, which means you spend less time on metaphorical dead-ends. Speaking for myself, I prefer finding out early on whether or not someone I’m interested in dating or sleeping with is unavailable or uninterested; it means I’m not wasting my time trying to chase something that will never happen.
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Now, here’s the dirty little secret about openers: what you say ultimately doesn’t matter. I have quite literally started a conversation with “You’re really tall! I point out the obvious, it’s kind of my thing,” and ended up taking that female home that evening. 99.999% of the females I’ve slept with don’t remember the first words I said to them. It’s all about just starting a conversation and building from there.
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Regardless of whether you go indirect or direct, you don’t want to linger on the opening; all you’re trying to do is get them interested in talking to you. If you take longer than 5 minutes, you’ve gotten hung up on the open and need to segue into actually talking to them.
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Step 2: Build Rapport
Once you have the person’s attention, it’s time to start building interest and attraction. You want them to feel that spark, that ineffable sense of chemistry that gets them excited about you.
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You do this by building rapport with them, finding the things you have in common while keeping a certain sense of playful fun in the interaction by flirting and bantering, even injecting a little sexual tension in as well; you want to communicate that you like them as a person but also that you’re interested in them sexually. It’s a fine balance; you want to develop an emotional connection with the person you’re flirting with as well as a physical or sexual one. Too much in one direction and you may be making a new best friend; this can be awesome, but if you’re looking for a sexual relationship, not immediately helpful. Too far in the other direction… well, at best, you’re going to be wearing somebody’s drink before the night’s over. At worst, you’re going to be seriously creepy.
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"So that's a no on a blowie in the bathroom, then?"
“So that’s a no on a blowie in the bathroom, then?”
Attraction is as much about emotions as it is about sexual chemistry. Even if somebody may think you’re hot buttered sex on toast, they’re not going to want to bang you if you repulse them emotionally. Building rapport is a blend of sharing and teasing, telling stories and asking leading questions, giving a little and pulling it back just a bit. The trick is to not fall into interview mode, asking her the same 10 questions everybody asks: “what do you do, where are you from, what kind of music do you like?” You want to ask probing questions and share more than just the basics. You don’t want to just say “I like Black Sabbath,” you want to share why you like Black Sabbath – without being an asshole about it.
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“I never really was in to metal, but my best friend in high-school was this total metal head. Long hair, hand-painted jean jacket with spikes, big-ass chunky boots, used to draw weird demon-pigs on his books just because it’d freak out our teachers. He was a really cool guy, just looked like the kind of person who’d burn the school down, y’know? But when my folks were getting divorced and I was having a hard time with it, he’d come over and we’d just go riding in his busted-ass car and he’d start playing all these old Ozzy Osborne tracks. We’d just be driving along going nowhere in particular and we’d be singing ‘Crazy Train’ at the top of our lungs, we’re young and and we figured life sucked so why not? We drifted apart after I went to college, but these albums just remind me of that time when we could just go do whatever we wanted.”
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At the same time, you don’t want to be a “yes man” and just agree with everything she says or be overly complimentary – you end up going past the point of being friendly and into giving signs of being needy. Someone who is overly effusive in his praise or can’t bring himself to disagree – or even argue – with an attractive female is sub-communicating that he’s desperate to be liked and hopes that sucking up to her will make her like him. You want to be willing to disagree – even be playful about it.
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“Your favorite band is Mumford and Sons? It’s a good thing you’re fun to talk to because man I dunno if we’re music compatible.”
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Remember: you’re being silly and teasing; it should be immediately obvious that you’re not judging her or telling her she’s stupid, silly or otherwise insulting her. If she can’t tell that you’re not serious, then not only are you doing it wrong, you’re being kind of an asshole.
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My flirtation with Reverse Cowgirl is one example of building rapport with a little sexual tension – we we genuinely bonded over a love of art while we’d tease a little back and forth about my lame jokes and make little sexual innuendoes at each other.
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Watch Her Interest
As you’re building rapport, you’re going to want to be periodically checking in on occasion to see whether or not she’s starting to dig you. It’s one thing if she’s excited to talk to you or spend time with you. It’s another if she’s feeling stuck and is desperately looking for a way out of the conversation without being rude.
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The signs that she’s actually interested in you – as opposed to being polite – are fairly obvious if you stop to look for them.
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How is she responding to you? Is she responding with interest to your questions and giving long and engaged answers, or is she giving short, curt responses? Is she volunteering information, or are you having to draw answers out of her like you’re pulling teeth? Someone who’s really interested in you will give longer and more emotionally involved answers, often volunteering more personal information as a way of trying to connect with you.
Just as importantly, is she asking you questions? Does she seem to be actually paying attention to what you have to say, or is she just waiting for her turn to talk?
Watch her eyes. Is she making strong eye-contact with you, or are her eyes darting around the room? Is she focusing on you or is she constantly checking her watch or her phone? These are all signs that she’s looking for an excuse to get away from you. Looking around often means that she’s hoping to see a friend and give a silent “SAVE ME ALREADY” sign. Checking her watch is a way of saying “How long do I have to deal with this guy before he goes away?”
Touch is an important way of conveying interest. If you’re touching her (and you should be) and you take your hand away, does she touch you back? I’ve had great success with the “side hug” – an arm across the shoulders during an emotional high-point like an awesome story or being told a funny joke. Does she lean in or put her arm around you in return? These are signs that she’s increasingly interested in you.
Is she willing to follow you some place? One way of checking interest is to say “Hey, I’m going to the bar. How about you come keep me company?” Someone who’s interested in you will want to keep the conversation going. Someone who’s not as invested in the interaction will be more likely to say “That’s OK, I’ll catch up to you later.” Pro tip: buy her a drink, even if it’s just water or soda. It’s the least you can do to thank her for fighting her way to the bar with you.
If you’re not seeing signs of interest, it’s time to consider how far along you are in the interaction. If you’ve been talking to her for 20 minutes or longer and you’re not getting much feedback from her then the odds are she’s not interested in you. It’s better to say your good-byes and move on. It’s better to cut things short than to linger for too long in the conversation; in a worst case scenario, you can always talk to her again later.
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Step 3: Qualification
Once she’s emotionally invested in talking to you, then it’s time to take things a little deeper. You want to find out more about her – beyond the surface issues and more into what really makes her tick. This is why you want to start using qualifications. Qualifications serve two purposes. First: it enables you to screen for specific personality types – if you’re the outdoorsy type who likes to go hiking and mountain biking, you don’t want to date a homebody who gets killer cedar-fever as soon as they set foot outside. Second, it’s a way of intensifying the connection. You’re looking for reasons why they’re awesome… and having them explain why they’re awesome and then agreeing with them that yes, that makes them awesome. It’s creating a feedback loop; they’re telling you why you should like them, and you’re saying “you’re right, I should like you because you do $COOL_THING”. It’s a way of intensifying the rapport between you two… and it works both ways.
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They start off with a simple question: “Do you like to travel?” for example. Then you expand on it. “That’s really cool; I love travelers, they’re always the ones who’re looking to find new adventures and take risks trying new experiences. Do you like staying to the popular places, or do you like going a little off the beaten path?” From here you have a number of ways you can go: look for more commonalities by comparing travel stores, dig a little deeper into who they are or even take it in a flirty, sexy direction by making a tease about their being into foreign men. You’re screening for a trait you like (traveling in this case) by asking what’s awesome about them, reinforcing that this makes them awesome and why (they like taking risks and trying new things) and expanding on it (what kind of traveling do you like do do? Have we been to the same places? What sort of person are you, someone who plays it safe or someone who likes a little edge?)
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It’s a very powerful technique when done well. Proper use of qualification is a way of building emotional intimacy and familiarity quickly; it builds to that sense of “we’ve only just met but I feel like I’ve known him forever” that is incredibly appealing.
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Step 4: Make Your Move
If things have been going well, then it’s time to make your move.
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It’s not a time to get cocky; you can do everything right and still screw up if you don’t stick the landing. So you want to take care not to blow all the hard work you’ve put into this.
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A lot of guys – PUAs especially – focus on getting the kiss or the same-night lay. And while getting a kiss or a make-out with someone you’ve just met can feel impressive… it’s actually not as meaningful. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not to say that kisses mean nothing, but they’re highly contextual. Getting a kiss or making out with someone at a club doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s into you or you’re going to be taking her home; she may be willing to make-out with someone she met that night but not interested in actually seeing him outside of the club. That being said: if that’s what you want, then hey, go for it! Just don’t assume it means more than she’s willing to kiss you at that particular place and time.
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If you’re interested in going for the kiss, you want to look for signs that she’s interested in being kissed… assuming she doesn’t kiss you first. The classic sign is the triangle-gaze, looking from eye to lip to eye. How much space is she giving you? Someone who’s interested in being kissed is going to be comfortable being up in your personal space. If you’re holding her hand2 , give it a squeeze; if she squeezes back, she’s much more likely to be interested in kissing you than if she doesn’t respond.
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"OK, so I'm kind of getting mixed signals here..."
“So I’m kind of getting mixed signals here…”
But even if you’re interested in sloppy make-outs, presumably you’re hoping to actually see her again outside of wherever you met her… so you’re going to have to get her number. If she gives you her number, then you’re golden; she’s already telling you that she’s excited to see you again. Asking her for her number is no guarantee that she’ll actually respond when you call; in an age of caller-ID, cellphones and voice mail, it’s incredibly easy to avoid the calls from someone you’d rather not talk to.
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As a general rule of thumb, if the two of you have been talking and vibing for 20 minutes or so, she’s going to be interested in talking to you later; you’re fairly safe to ask for her number. A lot of guys will choke at this point, worrying about whether or not they’re being too interested by asking for her number instead of hoping that she’ll volunteer it. They’re usually overthinking it. the script for asking is very simple.
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Hey, I’m really enjoying talking to you, but I’ve got to go meet up with my friends and I’d like to do this again some time. What’s the best way for me to reach you?
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Short, simple and to the point; it also leaves the method of contact in her court. Some people really don’t like talking on the phone and prefer to communicate over Facebook or texting; pushing for a phone number from them is only going to be counterproductive.
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Personally though, if things have been going well, I prefer to actually make plans for an actual date, rather than talking at some nebulous point in the future. This help cement you in her mind as someone she’s planning to see again, as opposed to some other random guy she’s met over the course of the day. I like to seed the idea of a date early on in the interaction – talking up something cool I’m planning on doing that weekend anyway, whether it’s a gallery show, a concert or an awesome bar I’m planning on going to with friends. Then at the end of the interaction, bring it up again: “Hey, you know what? I’d bet you’d love $COOL_ACTIVITY; you should come with me! Here, why don’t you give me your number?” and then have them punch it into my phone. I’ll usually call or text them immediately afterwards to give them my number.
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Don’t forget: screw the “don’t call for X days” rule. If I’ve been getting along well with someone, then I’d want to continue the conversation sooner rather than later. Depending on the time (and the tone of our interaction) I may text them that night; texting can be a powerful flirting tool when you do it right. In general however, I’ll text the next day; it helps maintain the emotional momentum.
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Now that you have the basics… get out there and practice some cold approaches. And check back on Friday for how to apply these techniques to meeting people during the day time…
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I (43m) have a good marriage, but with normal challenges. We have two boys under ten both with behavioural issues and neither of us are happy in our jobs at the moment. My wife (40f) lost her dad a couple of years ago and that was a difficult time for the whole family.
We have a good group of parent friends who we see regularly in groups, playdates, dinner etc. My wife has been in a local group in our town since she was a child, and it was a hobby she shared with her parents. One of our friends is also in the group, let's call him Bill. Bill is a really good guy, I get on really well with him too and we have lots of shared interests. I hang out with Bill from time to time as well, playing board and video games.
My wife has always had lots of male friends and by and large it doesn't cause a problem. There's been a couple of times over the years (We've been together for 20 years) where alcohol has meant they got a bit too flirty but all handled appropriately. I've never had an issue with her and Bill, he doesn't drink much and isn't a flirt. There's also 3 or 4 guys in the hobby group that she's really good friends with as they have been doing it for a few years, work well together and enjoy doing pub quizzes and karaoke. They're a mix of ages, and honestly the only thing I'm jealous about usually is that I have to stay home to look after the kids instead of doing the quiz with them. So Bill isn't the only guy friend she has in that group.
Bill also lost his dad recently and asked for some talks with my wife, given she has experienced the same loss. Again, totally fine and understandable.
The last few months it just seems that they are leaning on each other a lot more, they text a lot and are obviously very close. Last night they met in a bar to discuss a project for the hobby group and have a moan about various things. That's pretty normal but Bill talked to my wife about his upcoming vasectomy, how he's nervous etc. There were also pictures of them singing together at a karaoke bar sharing the microphone where he has his hand round her waist which made me uncomfortable.
My gut tells me this is all nothing and I'm just jealous because there are times when I want more of a connection with my wife. We aren't as intimate with each other as we used to be, that's for sure. But I'm also not sure there's many guys who would talk to female friends about their vasectomy (though maybe we should!).
They're both good people, and I'm absolutely certain there's nothing physical going on, but does this class as an emotional affair? When does friendship cross that line? I'm worried that if I say anything I'll tarnish their friendship and my own relationship with both of them. I firmly believe men and women can be friends without it being sexual, but I don't currently have any women friends where the relationship is as deep as this and I'm not sure my wife would be as comfortable if it were me.
What do I do Reddit?
Edit: Just to add, I do get nights out of my own and have hobbies too. We don't do date nights as often as I'd like and that's probably feeding into how I feel about this.
I also think separate interests, a bit of space and trust are really important in relationships. But I think my insecurities about the spark and excitement in our own relationship is influencing how I view her friendships, and I need to work out how I feel about that before I try to raise this or it could make things worse.

Why I (probably) won’t build 50 houses at Diddly Squat
By Jeremy Clarkson (The Sunday Times, Jan. 28)
When I was very little we learnt that in farming there was a rotation. You grew corn one year, beans the next and in the third you let the field get its breath back. But now there’s a new, and much more profitable, crop rotation. Corn. Beans. Houses.
Ever since the Tories came to power in 1756, they’ve been saying they will build 300,000 new houses a year. And ever since 1756, they’ve failed to get even close to the target. But just before Christmas the housing minister, Michael Gove, announced a bold new plan to build 300,000 houses a year. And he claims that this time round he’ll pull it off.
The main reason he won’t is that he has to keep backbench Tories with constituencies in the shires happy. I can’t see why. They’re all going to lose their seats at the next election no matter how many houses are or aren’t built in the coming 12 months. But to give them a fighting chance he says he will protect the green belt.
This means that all the 300,000 new houses will have to go where there already are houses. They’ll have to squeeze them in on back gardens and in parks and where there used to be shops. They will have to build houses on top of other houses and where there used to be a cinema or a bowling alley. And this is the problem.
I understand completely that open countryside should not be turned into a housing estate. We need it to grow food. But there’s a bit of land here at Diddly Squat that isn’t really “open countryside”. It’s technically in an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty, but it’s sandwiched by houses on two sides and a road on the other. You could get maybe 50 houses on it and that would help Gove reach his target. And make me very rich.
Now if you are reading this in the village of Chadlington, where the field is located, don’t worry. I’ve pissed you off enough with the farm shop, so I’m not going to make things worse by shoehorning a flock of what my grandfather called “ticky tackies” into your midst. You’re getting barley instead.
But what about farmers who don’t have columns in The Sunday Times and quiz shows on ITV and a successful farm shop to keep the wolf from the door? You can understand that in these circumstances it’s tempting to find little pockets of land like mine and flog them off to Barratt.
Under Gove’s new plan councils will be forced to look upon this sort of housing scheme promptly and favourably — or risk losing their ability to make decisions in the future. That’s great if you’ve just got divorced and you need somewhere to live, or if you’ve just arrived on a Kent beach in a Zodiac. It’s also great for Barratt. But it’s not great for those with a penchant for red trousers, and they may, in this instance, have a point.
When I moved to Chipping Norton about 30 years ago, it was a small market town with a population of 5,800. Today it’s still a small market town but the population has skyrocketed to 9,400. The housing development has been phenomenal. And it doesn’t seem to be slowing down.
But here’s the thing. Building the houses is easy and financially rewarding, but when you double the size of a town, which is what they’ve done here, you have to double the resources. And that’s not easy or financially rewarding at all.
Today Chipping Norton does not have a police station. It was closed a couple of years ago and is now being turned into flats. Instead the thin blue line, and it’s very thin indeed these days, is housed in a broom cupboard at the fire station.
There’s also a problem with the shops. Chippy, as it’s known locally, used to be great. There was a hardware store and a shop selling top-end hi-fis and a florist. And you could pop in whenever you liked, apart from on a Wednesday afternoon, because that’s when we had a traffic warden.
Then we got an army of parking enforcement officers, which meant you couldn’t pop into the local shops any more. So they all closed and in their place we have a Sainsbury’s, Marks & Spencer, Aldi and Co-op.
Places to work? Well, Parker Knoll used to have a factory here making excellent reclining armchairs in button-back velour. That’s gone now, which means the working population has to either get a job in one of the supermarkets or open a small shop or café of their own — which will close after six months because there’s nowhere to park — or they commute to a light industrial unit elsewhere in the county. On roads that were built for Dick Turpin.
I never used to even look when I pulled on to the A361 Burford Road because nothing was ever coming. Now I have to wait so long for a big enough gap in the traffic that sometimes I need a shave. And it fills me with despair because what’s happening is the Surreyfication of somewhere that was extremely lovely.
Yes, the green belt is being protected (mostly), but the brown bits and the grey bits are now massively overloaded.
This is what the housing enthusiasts need to remember. It’s not just about throwing up a field full of three and four-bedroom executive homes and then adding a playground and some affordable pleb-class flats to keep the lefties sweet; you have to look at the bigger picture. You have to think about how all these new residents will affect the schools and health services and the roads and public transport and the quality of life.
I’ve chosen Chipping Norton as a microcosm, but I bet the same thing is happening where you live too. It’s certainly going to happen in Cambridge soon because for some reason Gove has decided this area needs a whopping 150,000 new homes. Why he hasn’t chosen Hull or Bolton, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because he was an Oxford boy.
Some say, though, that he’s on the right track. And that rather than expand every town and village in the country to the point where they all burst, he should simply build an all-new city. Better to ruin one place rather than everywhere. But where would it go? Anywhere, really. You’d be amazed if you flew over Britain in a helicopter how much of it is pretty much empty. You could build a new Leeds in Dorset and no one would know for a couple of years.
But I don’t agree with this view. People don’t want to be shipped off to a sort of rural Dubai. They want to live where their friends are.
Which means the only solution to this never-ending mess is to wonder why we need so many new houses — three million over the next ten years — and maybe do something about that instead.
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US comedians are fearless, and funnier than ours
By Jeremy Clarkson (The Sunday Times, Jan. 28)
As we know, British comedy has been going through a bit of a rough patch in recent times. Not that long ago, we had The Fast Show, and Harry & Paul, and The Thick of It, and as a result, we sort of knew we were the funniest people in the world.
But then it all stopped, mainly because the laughter industry was hijacked by the far left, whose comedy role models were Stalin, Mao Zedong and the old rib-tickler himself, Jeremy “funny-bone” Corbyn.
This had an immediate effect. I made observations about bleeding-heart liberals, and I was fed to the wolves. Whereas Stewart Lee said, after Richard Hammond nearly died in his jet-car crash: “I wish that his head had rolled off in front of his wife and that a jagged piece of metal debris from the car had got stuck in his eye and blinded him.” And what did he get? Yup, a pat on the back from the Arthur Scargill appreciation society.
There was much the same reaction when Frankie Boyle said that when the swimmer Rebecca Adlington looks in a mirror it must be like she’s looking at a reflection of herself in the back of a spoon. Was he a misogynistic bastard? No, because he was a socialist.
Left-leaning comedians are rarely funny because it’s hard to make people laugh when you are consumed by bitterness, envy and anger. It’d be like cracking jokes with someone who’s just driven his Porsche over your bicycle.
The main problem is that they care. If I were to make a joke about Rishi Sunak, it’s because I’d thought of something funny. If they make a joke about him, it’s because they hate every one of the 14 molecules in his body. This is where it goes wrong for them. Their jokes don’t come with a smile. They come in a torrent of spittle.
Which brings us on to Have I Got News For You. That used to be very funny because it had no agenda. Its sole purpose was to make us laugh. But on the show these days, you’ve got Marcus Brigstocke, with his more-in-sorrow-than-anger face; and Carol Vorderman droning on about Boris Johnson or that bra woman; and Ian Hislop, who has plainly become so fed up with the Tories he actually sounds cross most of the time. I get his reasoning of course, but it’s not really what the audience wants on a comedy show.
The left isn’t funny, because it cares. And the right can’t be funny because it’s not allowed to speak. And this is why comedy has been in the doldrums for the last few years.
Happily, however, help is at hand thanks to the woke movement. This pronoun-obsessed lot seems to have united left and right by giving them a common enemy — and boy oh boy are they running with it. I’m not going to bring Ricky Gervais into this, because while the woke movement gives him a great deal of material, he’s actually cleverer than he is funny. And nor am I going to dwell on Jimmy Carr because he’s a friend.
No. I’m talking about people you might not have heard of. Because I’m talking, actually, about America, where this stomp-on-a-snowflake thing seems to have begun.
There are Americans out there, on the American circuit, who are going further and harder than Seth MacFarlane would have thought possible just 12 years ago. When he directed the film Ted, he was flirting with 9/11 and Bill Cosby as toe-in-the-water pieces of comedy bedrock. But now there are guys and girls who think paedo jokes are basically a Peppa Pig starting point. And yes, we laugh at what they’re saying partly because we simply cannot believe they’re saying it. But mostly, it’s because a lot of the time it’s properly funny.
I’m not going to give you any of their jokes here because they are not mine to give. And also because if I were to say I found them funny, I’d be outside in the cold, drinking meths round a brazier with JK Rowling and that academic who’s been fired from her university for saying women don’t have penises.
Pretty much all of Bill Burr’s routine is unrepeatable here. So is Louis CK’s. And you really ought to look up on the internet why Shane Gillis supports Islamic State over the Navy Seals. These people have been told by the woke movement what they can’t say and they’re not just disobeying, they’re moving at warp speed into a place where no one has ever been before. Literally nothing is off limits. And there’s an attitude that if you found the last story a bit wincey, no biggie. Another will be along presently. And if you don’t like that one either, go check out someone else.
I love what they’re doing, and while I was on holiday last week, I spent a lot of time thinking about how I was going to write a column this morning saying that for the first time ever, shock horror, American comedy is better than ours.
Sure, they’ve always had their funny guys, but I’ve always thought that ours were a little bit better. A little bit sharper. Our Office versus theirs. Says it all. They’ve certainly never had an answer-back for Jasper Carrott, who remains the funniest anecdotal storyteller I’ve ever seen. Or an answer to that joke about Bob Monkhouse’s dad, which will remain for all of time the best punchline ever.
In recent times though, they were accelerating out of the great woke depression and we weren’t. We were relying on Piers Morgan to stage the fightback, whereas what we needed was someone who turned the whole damn thing into the joke it so obviously is. And we didn’t have that person.
But then, last week, a friend sent me footage of a guy called Fin Taylor, whose sketch about Josef Fritzl — whom he refers to as “naughty basement Joe” — caused me to believe that, perhaps, we may just have our man.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
And here's the Sun column: "Instead of bombing the Houthis, let’s give them Corvettes". Clarkson's columns are regularly collected as books. You can buy them from his boss or your local bookshop.

sorry if the post is... super long... there's a lot to cover
I'm trying to cover both our points rather than leaving you guys with a one-sided opinion, and it's so hard to do so because I can't show our exact messages or anything like that lols
My fiance (24M) and I (20F) have been dating for almost three years (we started dating when I was 18, just to clarify). He's military, and we met online whilst he was stationed out of the country. We talked for two months before dating, and we met in real life for the first time 5 months later for Thanksgiving with my family. Then, we had another month-long trip together, before I moved cross-country from my home state to where he was stationed. We got engaged when I was 19, him 23. Needless to say, we moved pretty fast.
I think things went downhill when he got deployed in September, which he asked to do so. I moved back home with my family for his 6-month deployment. He's not around all the time and formerly we used to be together basically 24/7. I started hanging out with a good friend of mine (23M) pretty often on Discord, in a public VC in my fiance's server. Around that time, he had accused me of "finding comfort in other men while he was gone", and would often say "I'll let you get back to your one-on-one with [Friend]." I denied all of this and it was sort of a minor argument.
Then, I made a new friend in a game that I play. He's my age(20M) and we have a lot of similarities to the point of getting the same characters on a character quiz. We bounced off each other and started to hang out with my group of friends with him, which was a lot of fun. Then, as luck would have it, my fiance's best friend (27M) had started dating a freshly 18 y/o girl with the concept that she was a "real girl" and was "local". I had expressed to him before that I found the fact his dating 18-19-year-old girls was weird at his age, and after he kept talking to me about this new girl, how she was a real girl and nearby, I got annoyed and I vented to my group of friends. This led to a group chat of the 5 of us, where we essentially just talked and gossiped about things. My fiance was not in this group chat not because I was hiding it from him, but rather because I just forgot to bring it up. Needless to say, he got mad, said I was hiding it from him, and then I ended up adding him. He says I've created a bad perception of his best friend (27M) to my friends. Which I probably did I'm not gonna lie!
Things were fine after that, the group chat got along well. My friends and I played Minecraft a lot together and we just ended up talking for long periods. There were points where my fiance would join while at work and just listen in and type in chat. Eventually, my fiance brought up to me that [New Friend] felt like he was going out of his way to only interact when I'm around in the VCs. This was the first interaction we've had about him, and obviously, I didn't notice what he was talking about but I did take what he said into account.
I feel like it kind of spiraled even more from there. I have a habit of calling friends losers and lame, and just generally being teasy and snotty as a joke. My fiance said I was flirting with [New Friend] saying I was talking to him the way I did when he and I first started dating. I apologized, said it wasn't my intention for my behavior to come off as it did, and would tone it down to avoid any misconceptions. There was an instance where [New Friend] and I, you'll understand if you know Discord, changed his nickname in the server back and forth a lot because of an ongoing bit my fiance and I thought was funny. I stopped first, and my fiance messaged me about it saying I was flirting and going too far, which I apologized for. I clarified I just thought it was funny, and he just said I had gone too far. He said if I can only be friends with new friend based on the fact we tease each other, then we shouldn't be friends. He said all our friendship was teasing, and that he didn't act that way with another female friend. I denied that and gave him my point of view, that it's not just me being teased. Yadda yadda, you know? I did clarify and apologize and worked to change my behavior.
More things happened, yadda yadda, nothing really important, I commented on [New Friend]'s status, which had sex in it, and my fiance had clarified that it was weird for me to comment on that and would say "Now he's just going to put sex into everything". I said I didn't comment on it because it had sex in it, I commented on it because it was a stupid and loser-ish status. My good friend had said something out of context about me complimenting [New Friend]'s eyes, and that landed an argument as well.
I think the real downfall was when [New Friend] had asked me if I wanted to play a game with him and his friends, which I initially agreed to. I opened the game on Steam but ended up turning down [New Friend] because I was unmotivated to play. I was offline on Steam because I had been trying to turn off my notifications, and just completely forgot to go back to my normal status. My fiance ended up noticing [New Friend] was on this game, and then noticed I was offline, and moved to check my time played for this game on Steam.
He accused me of hiding the fact I was hanging out with [New Friend], saying I was cheating on him and hiding things from him. He had told me to show DMs between me and [New Friend], which I initially denied under the pretense that I didn't want to put my friend's deepest thoughts and vents. I clarified that I didn't want to give up my morals. He accused me of putting [New Friend] before him and threatened to break up with me if I didn't show him the DMs (he said "Well, good job putting your morals before our relationship, goodbye", and I went into damage control). I ended up showing him the most recent of DMs and then proved that I removed [New Friend] from my friend's list. He was removed from the group chats and everything.
When my friends heard about this, they thought he was being too controlling (if he wasn't in a group chat, or explicitly told about a server that I was in, it was an issue too). That he should trust me more, that it should've been a conversation rather than an argument. All that sort of thing. My friends haven't liked him period so they're a bit biased.
Inevitably, this sort of started my downfall. I was so stressed I was puking up bile for days. He would end up saying things like, "It's good you feel that way." which was not related to puking, but rather the fact I was stressed and anxious. I ended up bringing up a lot of my concerns to him, like how he threatened to break up with me when I didn't show the DMs, how if [New Friend] was in a server then I couldn't be there. He ended up saying that he's uncomfortable with me joining other group chats and servers without his permission because he "can't help but think of the [New Friend] situation." It kind of felt like the situation was still just being swept under the rug, unsolved and unsettled.
He had accused me of having a group chat he didn't know about, that he KNEW I had one. I do not. Then, as the arguments ensued, he ended up saying he wanted me to sign a prenup because he didn't trust me to not cheat on him. Signing the prenup would mean he can trust me. I was apprehensive, saying that "the prenup is whatever, it's a matter of how you're putting it out there because of the distrust. It's like you expect me to cheat on you". I kept clarifying this, how I didn't feel comfortable with signing it if he was just going to use it as another bar for me to meet for him to trust me. He uses it as an ultimatum though, if I didn't sign it, we'd break up. Damage control, I said I would just sign it.
I worried about the trust in our relationship, so I told him straight up I wanted to go to couples therapy. Immediately denied, waved off. Said I've been watching too many shows or movies to think that it's a good idea. He said he didn't do anything wrong, and to make up for the fact I'd broken his trust, the least I can do is sign the prenup. Again, clarified that signing it was not my issue, but the fact he was using it as an ultimatum and a reason for trust. It's founded on distrust.
"It's the prenup so I don't have to stress that you're using me."
I told him I think couples therapy was a good idea, that it's like we're having problems understanding each other, but he waved me off again and said I'm overthinking and thinking about it too idealistically. He says it's annoying how I bring these things up. That I'm the only one who's worried.
I kind of got mad and asked him to just go out on a limb for me here and listen to my ideals, rather than continuously put them down and make me feel dumb. He keeps getting annoyed with me every time I bring it up again to talk about it, to talk about how heavy I feel and how I just don't feel right. He says things like "Based on my standards, I should've broken up with you! But I love you."
Our wedding has since been postponed until this issue is resolved. Everyone I've ever told this to has told me to just cut my losses and move on. That if I'm thinking about breaking up with him over this entire issue, then that's already where my heart set. They said he's insecure and making it my problem, that if I have no romantic intention (which I do not) then I'm not flirting. The issue is jealousy and insecurity, and he backs me into corners by saying he's going to break up with me if I don't do something.
My parents say the same thing, my sister especially saying that he's just insecure and will keep making it my problem, that our relationship is being formed on an unsteady platter.
I'm too anxious to bring up my concerns about whether or not he's insecure or he's super jealous or stressed because he's just not around as much because of deployment. I brought up the deployment bit once or twice, but all I got was a wave-off.
I just don't know what to do. He's been my life for the past two and a half years, I want to work through this situation and get back on track. I miss [New Friend], and I'm scared this is going to turn into something deeper and my other friends are on the chopping block. My two couple friends are already banned from my fiance's server, and my friends just don't like him period due to other issues in the past (how he hid a Twitter account from me until I said he could be cheating, proposed to me through the bathroom door by sliding the ring under, the fact he's homophobic and defends a REALLY homophobic girl despite knowing I'm bisexual, openly makes comments about girls and their bodies despite the fact I expressed I was uncomfortable with it (he ended up saying "well, I guess I can't be open with you"), yelling at me for being bad at a game I've only played for 2 months, etc).
Ultimately, I'm asking for advice on how to approach the situation. Like, how can I talk to him more about how I feel in a concise matter? I do appreciate any thoughts, even if it's berating me for my decisions HAHA
I'll give more context when/if asked as well.
​
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#Dex, Rookie of the Year who broke boundaries
When you turn on TV these days, Dex, an online content creator and creator, is likely to be included in the list of broadcasters. After making his face known through 'Fake Men 2', 'Bloody Game' and 'Solo Hell Season 2', Dex is taking over home theaters beyond web entertainment. He also won the Rookie Male Entertainer Award at the 2nd Blue Dragon Series Awards for ‘Blood Game 2’. And now he is aiming for the MBC Entertainment Awards’ Rookie of the Year award.
Dex is a creator who runs a YouTube channel with 760,000 subscribers. And these days, he is also a broadcaster who is active in all types of entertainment. In particular, he appeared so frequently that this year could be said to be Dex's heyday. MBC's 'Born Around the World 2', general programming channel JTBC's 'Smiling Boss', cable channel MBC Every1's 'I'm Angry Now' and 'Eoksuldan', as well as 'Point of Omniscient Interfere' and 'You Quiz on the Block'. expanded the field. He was also a cast member in 'Solo Hell Season 2', but also joined as a host in the new season.
In particular, after the popularity of Season 2 of 'Around the World While I Was Born', Dex's presence in the entertainment industry is growing as he appears in Season 3 as well. His performance is attracting attention as his special chemistry with Gian 84 and Pani Bottle is gaining popularity with viewers. He was Dex, who showed impressive performance beyond the boundaries of YouTube and TV to the point where he emerged as a strong candidate for the Rookie of the Year award. He also garnered more attention by earning the title 'flirting craftsman' through various contents.
Dex, who has mainly been active in entertainment and received attention this year, plans to take on the challenge of acting through the drama 'I Shopping', which is based on a webtoon. He has captivated the broadcasting world starting with web entertainment, and is attracting attention as to whether he will continue to be active in various fields next year as he is even challenging himself into acting.
Source: https://entertain.naver.com/read?oid=109&aid=0004988687

Since INFJ is so rare, what are the chances of INFJ meeting and dating each other?
To give a quick story, my ex and I knew each other from social media and after flirting for a few months, he traveled from CA to TX to visit me . We met up and hit it off pretty quickly. We both are very attractive people. We had so much similarities in our habits, the way we think about life, what we like to do , etc. After 4 months, I told him to take the quiz and when he told me the result I was shocked. I told him about how rare INFJ is and how we are the same type. Unfortunately, we only lasted 10 months because he cheated. He beg me to forgive him but I could never. Now 2 and a half years later, I’m in another relationship happily engaged. Have you ever dated one yourself and how was the experience?

My (29M) wife (27F) was having an emotional affair with a coworker. I found out via her Snapchat when I saw a dudes name I didn't know with a message sent a day ago(Dec 20th) and looked at her messages to them. There was some BDSM quiz personality thing saved from them exchanging what they each got (Nov 16th ish). When I asked her about her relationship with the guy she said he is a coworker and he was her sisters age. When I double downed and said ok odd that someone I shouldn't be concerned about is talking about sexual things with you she admitted to heavy flirting. When I asked about anything else she said nothing physical happened. She said he did ask for pictures of her but she said no and cut it off from there. her being asked for pictures was supposedly around November 20th. When I asked if she wanted to have a physical relationship she said she thought about but the potential of me finding out stopped her from making that decision.
Idk if I should be upset or not. On one hand she was heavily flirting with this guy and on the other hand when It approached a level to take action she did say no. She also lied to me about their relationship when initially asked and wasn't until I confronted her with the evidence that she came clean. Based off the lies I am not inclined to believe her story about it not getting physical. I don't have any proof it got physical though. I also don't get as to why if it was ended that she would send him a message Dec 20th as we are moving across the country.
tl;dr: my wife was having an emotional affair and idk if I should be upset.

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Chapter 46
I’ve rarely felt so helpless as I did at that moment. Even when Maggie Edwards or Haru Obe had held Kiyo to use against me, I could still strike at them if I was good or fast enough.
What could I possibly do here, though? The only way I’d seen Fera leave a body was when she willed it, and neither of her victims had survived the experience. She had me, and from the smug smirk on Kiyo’s stolen face, she damn well knew it.
A brief glance through Mimic Sight confirmed that Kiyo’s magical signature had taken on the rough, ragged appearance of Fera’s other victims, though it was subtler.
I considered switching on my earbud communicator to let Mariko overhear what was happening, but I decided against it. It was set to signal the whole squad, and Fera was bound to say something I didn’t want Ms. Hernandez listening in on. Besides, the matching communicator was tucked away in Kiyo’s ear, so Fera would know that something was up.
“It’s pop quiz time,” she said.
“No, just tell me what you want from me,” I said. “There’s no reason to play games.”
“Where’s the fun in that? Besides, I love watching you squirm. First, let’s see how clever you are,” said Fera. She gestured towards the office chair I’d used to trip her before, and Dante took the hint to set it up for her behind the still-unconscious manager’s desk. Without acknowledging the favor, she planted herself in the chair, steepling her hands in front of her. “How many times have we met in the human realms before now?”
I stayed standing before her, careful to keep Dante in my field of view. “You were clearly Wendy,” I said.
It was so strange seeing Kiyo’s adorable face mimicking Fera’s harsh expressions. “Oh, come on! I gave you that one. Try again.”
I was almost tempted to guess Gabriella, the way her unrequited affections had vexed me, but I dismissed the idea. My magically enhanced nose had never detected a whiff of sulfur on her, and even now the room was lousy with the stuff.
That let me narrow it down, though there was no way in Hell I was letting Fera know I could detect her with a simple sniff. Thinking through my strange encounters since my knighting, the answer came easily. “You were Amanda Smythe during that conference call, but not at the King’s residence.”
“Very good,” she said, her adorable, purloined voice sounding strange as she tried to condescend. “Interesting that you knew when it wasn’t me. What gave me away?”
“She seemed rather distant then, as if she didn’t know me,” I said. “Yet, she didn’t disagree when I tried to strike up a conversation using your lies about her being my teacher.”
She turned to Dante. “You see? I knew there was a reason we bothered with this one.”
“Yeah, yeah, Mistress,” he groused.
“My host isn’t totally asleep when I ride them,” she said, turning back towards me. “I can decide what they remember and, more importantly, color how they feel about it. When I made up complete nonsense about Amanda Smythe being a part-time teacher at the Merlin Academy, as far as she was concerned, they were her words. I can make somebody proud of their actions, disgusted, or neutral. That time, I left her wondering what had possessed her, but convinced you were sincere. When I jumped back in after, the discomfort was almost delicious.”
“Why leave her body at all?” I asked.
“The human form wasn’t meant to hold two souls,” she replied. “A clear flaw in the Enemy’s plan that really shortens how much fun I can have in each ride.” She let out an annoyed grunt. “I overdid it with Amanda. A pity, her husband was a good lay, even if he was a bit tubby.”
“I see you mixed some pleasure with your business,” I said. “Still eager to open your legs to anybody who asks, eh?”
“Anybody worthy,” she said.
“Oh, were the stable hands and groundskeepers worthy? Your father really has no idea what a little trollop he raised.”
Kiyo’s pale skin showed a delightful blush as I scored a point. “As if you’re in any position to talk! You were supposed to be a saboteur, and you spent half your days shagging this girl!” She cackled. “Our Father Below, you were such a simpering knight in shining armor for her! She had to put the moves on you because you were afraid she’d be offended! That Sato girl really had you running scared.”
“How the Hell did you know that?” I demanded. “That wasn’t in my report!”
“It didn’t have to be,” she said, tapping her forehead. “This girl’s silly, wasted life is an open book to me.” She concentrated a moment. “Oh, my, Ms. Jones really is obsessed with you. The way you still dote on her, I can see why. I picked the right target to keep you honest, even if you traded up to the cow.”
“Don’t talk about them that way,” I growled.
“What are you going to do about it?” she countered, a wicked grin spreading across her face. She grabbed a letter opener from the desk and put it to her own throat. “If she dies, I’ll just be ejected with a mild headache. Kiyo’s only chance is that I decide to leave her peacefully.”
I bit back another insult; I had no way to know if Fera was telling the truth or not, but I didn’t dare chance it.
“Then stop wasting my time,” I said. “If you’re quite done playing, you clearly aren’t in North Ireland for a social call. Out with it.”
“I suppose we should get on to business,” she said, setting aside the knife. “I’m here on a mission of sabotage.”
“Clearly,” I said. “What, was spoiling my knighting ceremony not enough?”
Fera tapped her cheek thoughtfully. “Hm, were you upset because an innocent died, or because you were inconvenienced? The way you’ve softened up, I bet it’s the first.”
It struck me that she’d meant that as a biting insult. By the Dark Lord, how things had changed.
“What does daddy dearest have you here to do?” I asked. “You’ve been here since before the holidays, so I imagine it’s important.”
“Girdan? Pfft.” She waved dismissively. “Daddy’s a sledgehammer. For somebody who can organize campaigns and supply lines for millions of troops, he’s surprisingly smallminded. You’re his enemy, so you have to die. He has no idea what I’m planning; he thinks I’m on vacation in the old Greece.”
“Oh? Then what’s brought you to my doorstep?” I asked.
“Do I need an excuse to visit my fiancée?” she countered.
“My dear, I thought we’d agreed that you were going to get to the point,” I said.
“Who says I didn’t?” she asked.
“Well, you were extremely clear what the consequences would be if I botched the attack on the Nagoya Tower,” I said. “And it was certainly botched. I imagine my name is mud back home.”
“It is,” she said, looking away and fidgeting. “Enemy’s Son, just how awkward is this girl? Even I’m getting embarrassed with what I’m about to say!”
“Then you’d best say it quickly,” I said, a touch of softness in my voice. “It’ll be easier for all of us.” It was hard to remember that this wasn’t actually Kiyo adorably struggling in front of me, especially when her sneer dissolved.
“Father wants you dead; I w-want you back.” She looked completely disgusted at herself.
“What complete and utter bollocks!” I snapped. “You don’t have a tender bone in your body, except for what you’ve stolen from Kiyo! Why are you really here?”
“Don’t get it twisted,” she said, trying to look nonchalant, though the redness in her pale cheeks ruined the effect. “It isn’t for my sake. It’s for Grand Vizier Malthus.”
“What about Father?” I asked, unable to keep the note of worry from my voice.
“He’s the softest devil I know, for as ruthless as he can be,” she said. “He was torn up by the death of his human wife; you think that finding out that his son had betrayed us wouldn’t do the same?”
“And why do you care?”
“Because he’s Daddy’s most important ally in the court,” she said. “If the Grand Vizier mopes about all the time, he looks weak. If he looks weak, I get to spend all of my time being Daddy’s spymistress to make sure nobody tries to take him out.”
“I think Father can take care of himself,” I said.
“He clearly can’t, or I wouldn’t be working myself to the bone!” she said, slamming her delicate fist into the hardwood desk. She hissed in pain, cradling her wrist. “Daddy isn’t good at making new friends, or I’d do the deed myself and save us all some bother.”
My blood boiled. “You’re fortunate you’re wearing another’s skin right now.”
“Yes, yes I am,” she said, her voice almost sweet. “Now, let’s talk about your ticket home.”
“You haven’t thought this through, my dear,” I said, my voice dripping with condescension. “Your father still wants me dead; you said so yourself. I wouldn’t survive the welcome party, even if it was for Father’s sake.”
“Exactly why you need to redeem yourself first,” she said.
“Never,” I spat. “I know what you’d call redemption! Whatever you’re planning, I’m not going to be used and blackmailed again. Death would be preferable.”
“Oh my,” she said, making a show of fanning yourself. “You almost sound convincing there! Hell, I think you’d be willing to go down fighting.” Her hand lowered again for the pen knife. “If that’s your decision…”
“Stop!” The words came unbidden from my mouth, and a predatory grin spread across Fera’s face.
“I won’t ever understand you humans,” she said, putting an extra dollop of scorn on the last word. “You’re done with this one; what do you care?’
“My dear, you literally couldn’t understand,” I said, even as I felt my shoulders slump. She had me over a barrel. “Fine. What do you want from me?”
“King George’s head,” she said. “For starters.”
“Oh, is that all,” I said, laughing despite the gravity of the situation. “Shall I giftwrap it for you?”
“You’re awfully calm for a knight who was just told to kill his king,” said Dante.
“My good man,” I said, glaring a hole into him, “I’d thought you cleverer than that. Then again,” I said, turning back towards Fera in Kiyo’s stolen body, “Fera was daft enough to make the request. Like mistress, like peon. It’s quite impossible, my dear.”
“Oh, please,” said Fera, once again setting aside the letter opener. She stood and walked around the desk towards me with her hands behind her back. “He’s half-dead as it is. What do you care?”
“If he’s half dead, why do you care?” I countered. “Wait six more months and his organs will do it for you.”
She rolled her eyes. “Surely you can see the artistry in it. The last son of England, the hero of two fights against the traitorous Holy Brotherhood, was honored by his King in front of the whole world. And then, not six months later, the knight slays him on national television, declaring his loyalty to the Dark Lord. And then, poof!” She exploded her hands outwards. “The knight simply vanishes.” The smile on her face was nearly indecent as she ran through her scenario. “Just think of all of that delightful misery and discord! The humans won’t trust each other for years.”
“Careful, Fera,” I said, jerking my finger towards Dante. “You don’t want to get too hot and bothered in front of the help. He might try to have relations with your leg.”
Dante grabbed my shoulder. “Now wait just a—”
“Down, boy,” said Fera, giggling to herself. “I forgot you could be funny sometimes. No wonder I eventually said yes.”
It was damn confusing to decide how I felt about my so-called ex in my actual ex’s body flirting with me. Silence seemed like the best option.
“Aw, no response? You owe me some entertainment, after the mess you made me,” she said. “I’ve been trapped on Stormont Estate since you killed my last ride. You’ve been scanning everybody coming and going, which means Sergeant Lakhdar thinks you can find me. Care to explain why she thinks that?”
I shrugged, picking up and tossing aside the letter opener before she could threaten Kiyo again. “I’m full of surprises.”
Her face screwed up in a pout. “You’re no fun.” She gestured towards Whitman’s unconscious form. “I’ve had to jump around these peons to keep away from you. It’s why I finally relented and invited Dante here.”
My eyes widened. “So, you meant for us to follow him.”
“I meant for you to follow him,” she corrected, running her hands down Kiyo’s hips. “You bringing me a prettier ride than I’ve had all week was an unexpected bonus. And wouldn’t you rather keep it that way?” Angular, demonic runes floated around her hands. “I could always Fleshcraft her up a hideous nose, or Elephant Man’s Disease.”
“You’ve made your point,” I said. “Very well; I’ll go along with you, though we still don’t have a plan.”
She gave me an apprising look. “You know, aside from you getting cold feet, your plan to bring down the Nagoya Tower was decent. I’ll kick back and see what you come up with.”
I managed to not curse out loud. “Very well. How will we stay in communication?”
Her haughty laugh felt like a slap to the face. “You must think I’m a complete idiot. I’m not going to end up in a grave like Maggie Edwards! You’re going on an extremely short leash until this is all done.”
My stomach sank. “You can’t mean…”
“I can,” she declared, taking me by the hand. “Dante, you can cancel the search for a new long-term ride. I’ll be staying here for now.”
Dante sneered up at me. “Sounds like a beaut of a plan, Mistress.” He pointed at the unconscious manager. “What about him?”
“Whitman will awaken in a bit confused about what happened,” said Fera. “Tell him he fainted. If he doesn’t call off the meeting, you had an appointment with him about selling the estate some grass seed.”
“Which I don’t have,” he replied. “Don’t worry, Mistress. I’ll negotiate as badly as I can.”
“Good man,” she said, patting him on the cheek. “Now come along, Magpie.” The color went to her cheeks again. “Why does calling you that… bah, this girl’s a basket case.”
“All the more reason to leave her,” I said. “Before you burn out this, ah, ‘ride’ just as much as Major Smythe.”
She waved me off. “When I’m good and ready. She’ll be alright for a while, as long as I don’t overdo my magic.”
“Can she hear what we’re saying?” I asked.
Fera nodded. Judging by the high-pitched squeak she let out, she wasn’t expecting me to crouch down to eye level and fix her with a concerned look. I caressed her cheek, hoping that Kiyo would feel the comforting touch. “Kiyo… I’m afraid I’ve gotten you in another awful mess. This must be terrifying for you, but don’t worry. We’ll get you out of this. You have my word.”
With that, I abruptly stood up and walked away. “Well? Are you coming?”
Fera’s stolen eyes widened, her pale cheeks going bright red. “W-were you always this manly?”
“Probably not,” I said. “Funny the changes that a year can bring.”
Chapter 47
I sweated bullets as Fera had to render us invisible again to get out of the maintenance area undetected. The stench of sulfur accompanied her magical effort, though with an undercurrent of Kiyo’s normal vanilla scent. Fera seemed to have a ready command of The Death of Light, which I filed away as useful information.
The stress didn’t come from the question of if she could do it, but just how long Fera would have to do it. Fera had said herself that using her magic was hurting Kiyo, so I forced her along as fast as I could.
Fera, of course, seemed to want to take her time, occasionally stopping to admire her stolen ‘ride’ in reflective objects. I just knew the little bitch was playing with me.
She came to a full stop in front of a decorative mirror in one of the main hallways. “I haven’t been this petite for a while,” she said, spinning around. “It does make it easier to move about. She has a lovely face, though what is with these bags under her eyes?”
“She doesn’t sleep much,” I whispered.
She shot me a lascivious smirk. “Whose fault is that?”
“These days? SatoCorp for making their video games too well,” I responded. “Now come along and stop wasting time!”
We were still in public, so I couldn’t speak too loudly, but I could drag her along behind me. Fera tried to resist, but it seemed that her enhanced strength didn’t transfer to Kiyo. Mind you, it looked strange from the outside, but nobody cared to do more than glance our way. The advantage of wearing a Wizard Corps uniform among mundanes, I supposed: a girl moving in an unnatural way was simply chalked up to more magic.
The knot in my stomach unclenched when we cleared the entrance and got out of sight, since Fera could finally let me reappear. I studied Kiyo for any signs of wasting away, like I’d seen with Major Smythe. There was nothing visible wrong with Kiyo, but then, Fera only been in her about fifteen minutes.
“I shouldn’t need to say this,” said Fera, “but telling anybody about this means Ms. Jones dies.”
“You’re right, you shouldn’t,” I sniped back.
Fera was satisfied to let me lead as we reunited with Gabriella and Mariko. As soon as we were in eyeshot of them, Fera’s whole demeanor changed. She had strode along Stormont Estate like she’d owned the place, but suddenly her narrow shoulders slouched.
I shuddered; she’d been moving like Fera in a Kiyo suit, but now she was indistinguishable from the real thing. No wonder she’d managed to go unnoticed.
“Did you find him?” asked Gabriella, who was watching the poor groundskeepers dealing with the aftermath of Mariko’s sabotage.
“We did,” I said. “Though, what the devil did you two do out here? There’s practically a lake over here!”
Mariko laughed nervously. “I was able to oxidize the fountainhead… but it spread along the whole pipeline that fed it.”
“They don’t suspect you caused it, do they?’ I asked.
She shook her head. “I do not think so. Still, I feel bad for being a burden.”
“Who cares about the pipes?” demanded Gabriella. “We did it to give you cover so you could talk to that Australian about whatever awful thing he did. Did you get what you were after?”
“That and more,” I said, casting a glance towards Fera.
“Y-yeah,” she said, acting every bit the awkward girl I’d loved. Fera had complained about some of Kiyo’s natural emotions stifling her before, so I couldn’t be sure if this was intentional or not. “We don’t have to worry about him anymore.”
Gabriella’s eyes narrowed. “Wait, it was such a big deal that we deserted our posts, but one conversation settled it?”
“It’s private,” said Fera. After a moment, she threw in a deep bow. “Th-thank you, Gabby. You have no idea how much this helped me. I just can’t say how.”
Gabriella looked confused by the whole display, but held up her hands. “Sure. You alright? You’re looking pretty fidgety.”
“I-it wasn’t easy, but it’s settled,” replied Fera as she straightened up. She shivered in the chill morning, but seemed to be trembling more from a case of nerves.
Mariko gave me a confused look, but shook her head and mouthed the word ‘later’ from over Gabriella’s shoulder. I nodded, wondering what the Hell I could tell her.
Of course, Mariko had no earthly idea what was going on, and had no reason to suspect who she was talking to. The kindly woman simply saw one of her friends in distress and went in to give her a hug and a pat on the head.
“It’s alright, Kiyo,” she said.
Fera’s eyes widened as she found her face between Mariko’s endowments. Lucky devil.
When she came up for air, she looked straight at Mariko’s chest. “Nice work.”
Mariko looked down at her with a confused look. “Nice work?”
I could see Fera’s eyes narrow as she accessed Kiyo’s memories. Laughing awkwardly, she met Mariko’s gaze. “Oh, they are… never mind. I mean the trick with the sprinkler system. You’re a lifesaver.”
Mariko released her, a quizzical look on her face. “Any time, Kiyo.”
Gabriella had caught Fera’s meaning, and she seemed split between being amused and confused. For once, Ms. Hernandez decided to keep it to herself.
I willed somebody else to notice that this wasn’t Kiyo, so the burden wouldn’t only rest on my shoulders. Unfortunately, this was perfectly in line with Kiyo’s normal behavior. If Fera could draw on Kiyo’s mannerisms, it seemed like a forlorn hope.
I coughed into my hand. “Now that we’re all caught up, we should go back to the gate. We still have the rest of our shift, after all.”
Gabriella sighed. “Yeah, that wand won’t fool them forever. It was nice getting up and walking around while we could.”
“Be grateful for the chance you had,” I said, my gaze settling on an innocent-looking Fera. “Some have it far worse.”
******************
I wasn’t feeling much better when I returned to scanning duty at the gate. I’ve always been cursed with an overactive imagination, which is why my military career with the Horde had been mostly leading from the rear. I couldn’t help but try to imagine what Kiyo was feeling right then as a passenger in her own body.
At least the duty itself had become less onerous, since I’d already found my target. Taking a page from Gabby’s book, I spent most of the day looking focused, only occasionally making sure that Fera was still controlling Kiyo. She wasn’t leaving my sight again!
Of course, that was different than being able to do anything about it. As much as Fera had leaned on that convenient letter opener back in Whitman’s office, a fully-equipped Wizard Corpswoman had numerous ways to off herself. Kiyo had a rapier similar to mine if Bernadette was too awkward to aim backwards, on top of all of her magic.
I’d managed to rearrange our duties, suggesting that Gabby take over Kiyo’s spotting duties so I could keep an eye on her. Mariko hadn’t said anything when Fera readily gave up Kiyo’s beloved Bernadette, but she had looked surprised.
That was the only crack in Fera’s disguise the whole day. From the outside, she was simply Kiyo Jones. The body language, ever-so-slightly accented English, and even the way she slurped her coffee a little too loudly were all perfect.
Hiro and Yukiko’s squad passed through our checkpoint towards the end of the day. Kowalski and Antoni were chatting with one another in English, and I realized that my man Rafal was trying to help his friend learn a few basics.
“Halt, who goes there?” I said, trying to force some joviality into my voice. “A band of villains and reprobates, from the looks of it!”
“Antoni,” said the Polish man, not recognizing the joke. “From your platoon.”
Kowalski’s response in Polish brought a smirk to the other man’s face.
“Ah, is a joke,” he said, nodding once.
Mariko walked up. “Hiro, Mariko, Rafal, Antoni, hello! I feel like we hardly see each other anymore.”
“They’ve been keeping us all busy,” said Hiro. “I kinda feel sorry for you four; they’re at least switching things up for us.”
“Too bad for Kasasagi that he’s so talented,” said Mariko, giving my back a playful pat.
“It’s a burden at times,” I said. “Tell me, what’s it like outside of the checkpoint?”
“Well—” Hiro started, before Yukiko quieted him with a motion.
Yukiko shook her head. “Private Marlowe, hurry it up. We’re on a schedule here.”
“Oh?” asked Fera, already copying Kiyo’s habit of seeming to pop out of nowhere. “What’s going on?”
“Should we say, Yukikins… er, Private Sato?” said Hiro, his voice jumping from playful to stern when he spotted the mundane military staff on patrol.
Yukiko nodded. “We should coordinate, in case something goes wrong. There’s a shipment coming in, and we’ve been asked to provide some extra security.”
“Shipment of what?” asked Fera, sounding a bit too eager. “Must be important if they’re bringing the squad out.”
“Ours is not to question why,” said Hiro.
“Which means you don’t know,” said Fera, sounding disappointed.
Yukiko arched her eyebrow. “Why do you care?”
I caught just an instant of fury flash across her face before Fera switched back to Kiyo’s default blank expression. “It’s been, like, really boring over here.”
“I can imagine,” said Kowalski. “Magpie, can we get through? I have some computer time later, and I promised Lilja I’d call her tonight. I don’t want to be late.”
“Absolutely,” I said, my stomach falling as I realized that none of them could see the monster in Kiyo. “We all have our duties to do, after all.”
“Right,” said Fera, shooting me an infuriating smirk. “We want to do the homeland proud.”
“Yes,” I murmured to myself. “Wouldn’t want to let the home team down.”
I had plenty of time to ruminate after that as I went through the motions of pretending to scan the traffic on and off the estate. The whole time, as far as any outsider could tell, there was Kiyo Jones in the flesh. She was a damn good actress, not even batting an eye when Dante came back through. For his part, he mostly did a good job of acting blasé.
Mostly. He’d pay for that cocky grin later.
Still, that moment of irritation was only a brief distraction. I missed boredom; it beat the tension of waiting for Fera to plunge a knife in my back, or doing something that might just expose my secret.
We were finally relieved from duty when the checkpoint was shut down for the night. I kept up the illusion that nothing was wrong during dinner, and Fera seemed satisfied to play her role. Nothing much was changed in Kiyo’s behavior; she was alternately distant and clingy, jealous when Mariko or Gabriella showed me too much attention, but mostly happy to sit back and listen.
All of these experiences had hammered in an uncomfortable truth: nobody was going to figure out Kiyo’s misfortune on their own. Why should they? It was like them realizing I was a half-devil in their midst. It was the truth, and there were signs, but nothing a reasonable mind would consider.
On the one hand, it was likely healthier for Kiyo if nobody surprised Fera. On the other, it meant the Japanese girl’s fate rested on my shoulders.
Well, I’d learned my lessons from dealing with Maggie Edwards. Fera would find that I wasn’t without resources of my own.
********************
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Context: You are the lone dragon princess and it is time to pick a mate. Your parents, the King and Queen, have prepared you for this. You just hope you don't have to get your claws too dirty to get what you want.
Setting: The Komodorian Castle
Tags:[FMM4F][Enemies to Lovers?][Dragon Queen and King Speakers][Tsundere Silver Dragon Speaker][Dragon Princess Listener][Finding a Mate][Comedy][Parental Commentary][Biting][Dom]to[Sub][Worldbuilding/Lore][CW: Mild Violence (Slapstick)]
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[CQ] = Your mother, the Queen of Dragons
[CK] = Your father, the King of Dragons
[S] = Slade the Silver. Especially grumpy, sensitive neck.
[Scene opens in the palace of Komodorus]
[SFX: A ballroom with some rather scaly, unruly guests]
[You appear behind your parents, the King and Queen, tucked into the insipid ball gown they insisted on]
[CQ] “Ohhh, look at you! What a beautiful princess you make!”
[Pause.]
[CQ] “Young lady!”
[Your father barely contains a bellowing laugh]
[CK] “Always the feistiest Usagian dragon, aren’t you, Kit? No nonsense, no bullshit, only action! Haha! Yes, we raised a good one!”
[CQ] “Are you ready to go down and find your first mate? Remember, you can choose three unless you want to start riling up some of the other dragon clans… Do you remember the different clans?”
[Pause!]
[CQ] “I know, I know, you say you study but then when I quiz you, you can only tell me how many punches it takes to knock out a dire bear!”
[Pause]
[CK, giggling] “Twenty-two is correct.”
[You arch back and let out your most commanding roar]
[SFX A dragon roar]
[The males straighten to attention immediately]
[GQ] “There you go… Now, you’ll descend to the ball and be courted left and right, I am sure… Be sure to pick a good suitor, my dear. Mind the colors of their wings…”
[Pause]
[CQ, with a happy sigh] “She’s grown so strong these last few years.”
[CK] “Aye… I hope that she will pick a commander and mate that will do the kingdom proud.”
[CQ] “You worry too much… I chose you as mine, despite your, ahem, less than conventional strategies.”
[CK, with a sigh] “Aye, aye, I couldn’t hold my drink. I did show up at your father’s medal ceremony drunk off my ass and shouting, ‘Listen here, you CU-”.
[CQ] “And then he punched you down all seven flights of stairs, yes, hmhm. We were married the next day~”.
[CK] “Pfft, yes, we were. Come, let our daughter flirt and court as she desires. We’re not getting any younger, you know?”
[Pause!]
[SFX: Polite but panicked applause as the Listener races down the stairs]
[CQ] “-BE SAFE! PRACTICE SAFE BITING!”
[CK] “And she’s gone… Well, they all fly the clutch someday, huh? C’mon, let’s get in on some of that moonwine and let our little hatchling find her first love. Or kill him. We’ll see how it goes.”
[SFX: Fill with ballroom music]
[You extend your wings, walk slash glide to the party that is all for you. It is a sea of iridescent scales and light dancing in their wings. Some of the males growl in a soft, challenging manner until you growl back - they quickly quiet and bow their heads in respect]
[SFX: Some muted but respectful growling/the music]
[Pause...]
[CK] "Oop, something has her eye..."
[You hit the crowd like a golden lunar bomb and glance about. As always, you disregard eyes that look away. It takes you a moment or two but you finally spot an older, muscular silver sneaking a drink. This one… is different. He snarls at you like he intends to command you, and you snarl right back]
[SFX: Friendly dragon flirting :D (I’m kidding)/hissing and snarling]
[S] “Rrrr… Toss your horns elsewhere. I’m just here for the free food, Princess.”
[Pause.]
[S] “Why am I the only… silver dragon in attendance? Huff… What does it matter?”
[Pause]
[He listens, sipping his drink. He’s both a good actor and a terrible one]
[S] “Mmh, you think that my clan is showing active disrespect to your rule by only sending in one older, gruff, mannerless stud, hm? And you think that spells that someone is trying to use our theoretical distaste to distract you from something?”
[Pause.]
[You fold your arms and stare him down. Compared to him, you are a healthy and obvious prismatic gold]
[S] “...Trying to get me to fight, Princess?”
[Pause.]
[He scoffs]
[S] “Oh, you think you can take me, huh? You? By your tiny little se-URGH!”
[You dart behind him, grabbing an arm and wrenching it upwards. The rude silver dragon falls forward to his knees with a snarl]
[S] “GAH! Stop that, stop twisting my arm! OW! What are you lunar dragons made of, steel?!”
[Pause!]
[S] “What?! THERE’S NO PLAN, YOU’RE FUCKING CRAZY! THERE’S NO PRANKS!”
[PAUSE!!]
[S] “RRGH, LET GO YOU SHINY, GOLDEN LITTLE B-!”
[SFX: A grown dragon-man getting yeeted pretty hard/impact from the pillars]
[If anyone wasn’t paying mind before, they certainly are now]
[CK] “Ooh, and there he goes flying… A silver? Interesting…”
[CQ, with a sigh] “Oh, and he’s an older one… I told you that girl was going to go looking for an older dragon with a temperament. Always did love the rowdy older guards that would play with her or train her… Oh, why couldn’t she have picked a nice young man or woman? Or even that Orc pretending to be a dragon in the corner there?”
[CK] “Now, hang on, she’s just beating him senseless at present. She hasn’t even bore her teeth at him once! For all we know, this could just be them exchanging pleasantries! Talking about the weather!”
[SFX: Dragons roaring and hissing at one another]
[CQ] “Mmh, nope. That was a proper murderous hiss. Sigh. They fancy each other.”
[S] “FUCK YOU, PRINCESS! FUCK YOUUUUU-!!!”
[PAUSE!!!]
[CK] “She’s gonna bite him.”
[CQ] “She’s totally going to bite him.”
[SFX: A big ol’ bite/angry silver roaring]
[S] “ARAHGLA MY NECK!”
[Pause!]
[S] “No, you submit to-aagghh OK OK OK not that spot, not that spot, that’s playing dirty and you know it!!”
[CK] “Ooh, she drew a little blood… Well, if he had a prank planned or any disrespect, his clan is going to have to attempt it under the banner of one of their studs being humbled. Think he’ll stay stoic and still try?”
[CQ] “Oh, heavens no. He’s far too enamored.”
[CK] “Oh?”
[The old dragon Queen giggles]
[CQ] “Oh, he’s so mad… He’ll deliver a strong clutch, certainly… If she sticks with him, as it were. There are still plenty more eligible bachelors and bachelorettes about… C’mon, Itty Bit, go after one of those nice, stormy blues!”
[CK, rolling his eyes] “You and your blues.”
[CQ] “Darling, please. You reds always get so uppity about the blues.”
[CK] “Red versus blue is a time-honored tradition, woman. TIME. HONORED!”
[Once he stops wriggling and roaring, you let the silver dragon go. He stands with a wince and a glare]
[Pause?]
[S, blushing] “I submit… My princess.”
[Pause.]
[He grumbles and growls but obeys, at least. You’ll make a husband out of him yet… Maybe]
[S] “Rackum frackum…”
[CK] “Well, she told him, huh? Hehe. Feisty girl… Who next, do you think?”
[CQ, under her breath] “Blue, blue, blue, blue…”
[You peer around at the dragons around you, sussing out your next target. Any eyes that turn away you disregard immediately. A pair of glimmering orange eyes peers from the crowd, however…]
[Pause!]
[S] “Wh- Him? What about him? He’s blue!”
[CQ, quietly] “Eeeeeeeeeeee~”.
[CK] “Ugh. And there she goes, right after a blue. I swear, you brainwashed her - who wants a dragon from the scholar and magic clan?”
[CQ] “A smart dragoness surrounds herself with studs that can offer different things, dear! A silver comes from the smithery and warlord clan, so there’s your loyal brawn. You need brains and magic to cover your rear!”
[CK, teasing] “I’ll cover YOUR rear-”.
[You try and drown your parent’s flirting out and beckon to your newly acquired beau]
[S] “Huh? You want me to take a look, too?”
[Pause?]
[S] “As you wish, my Princess...”
[With that, the two of you head over to the blue that doesn’t seem to realize he’s staring]
[SFX: Fade out on ballroom music/dancing and any other dragon ambiance desired]
[To be continued]
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Note: The Orc’s name is Bill. He don’t bother no one :3

This is going to be a long story since this has been going on for 2 months na.
Alr there is nothing wrong with feeling special pero ung sakanya na sobrahan na like srs. So basically I have this friend, shes new sa school ofc lahat friendly sakanya and ofc i befriended her since she seems nice, so ngayon ilang weeks na shes being so fucking delusional like super delusional and apaka attentionseeker.
We have this one guy sa room hes nice to everyone like super nice na akala mo may something sya sayo pero wala pala. Anywho my friend at first said na "ang bait ni .... pala noh and he's super comfy with me pala" like for a few days which is alr pero it became every single hour na "omggggg ang niceeee nya talaga sakinnn baka may gusto sya sakin, charizzzz" "ang comfy talaga nya sakin guyssss idkkk pero wala akong crush sakanya ahhhh" then ofc i got pissed so i asked her if may crush ba sya and she kept on denying, but then ig di nya mahold sa kokote nya ung guy so she said na gusto nya ung guy, i knew that its going to be an annoying year with her since may gusto na sya sa room. So now that she was open abt her feelings towards this guy she kept on now being touchy with him then annoy him, everytime she gets a right answer sa quiz she screams so the guy would know na tama sya sa particular na answer na yun, like girl we aren't 1st graders anymore. So now when she knew that the guy is like that sa lahat na girls she was indenial like super indenial, so everytime the boy is near me or near other girls she is on his tail.
I try to say sakanya na he is like that sa lahat and she keeps on saying na "i knowww pero like iba yung pagtreat niya sakin ehhh ang bait nya and all" so papabiyaan ko lang sya maging delulu which is fine by me bahala sya dyan, but then she said nung break na "OMG GUYS STOP MAKING ME A DELULU" and "Ginagawa niyo akong delulu guyssss hmppp" Omg you will never know my anger gusto ko islamdunk sya sa gym ng derederetso like no fucking way you said that while i am here nagging you that he is like that satin lahat and yet kami pa ung nagpapadelulu sayo?????? Anyways so this guy has a crush na since iba na action nya sa one particular na girl sa class eh, plus its our friend who is new din. Now me and my bsf noticed this and we kept on saying na ok ka lang? Sa friend namin and she asked why then she saw her crush and her friend flirting, the mood changed soo damn quickly now she was grabbing my bsf phone then scrolling sa fb ng friend ko, there were alot of times na ung guy na ang very touchy sa other friend namin and it made me, my attentionseeker friend, and bsf look at eachother. The guy kept on stealing my seat to be with the girl and kept on stealing her jacket aswell, na halata ni friend toh and she couldnt believe it so one day she asked the guy on why he kept on borrowing our friemds jacket and he responds with "ahh kasi may sugat ako sa likod" ofc nireport nya samin na "guyssss di naman nya pala crush si .... hineheram nya lang yung jacket since may sugat syaaaa sooo possible na may crush sya sakin" atp i didnt even want to speak to her.
Now we got the confirmation na may crush ung guy sa other friend namin tas ung friend namin is devastated and now nagdradrama na sya na "ayaw ko na may crush since masakit lang magmahal, tas di rin ako mahalaga sakanya ehh" i fought her pero remembered na wala akong time for that since ang rami panggawin na schoolwork so i left her on read.
Sa attentionseeker na part oml bro she almost gave me a heart attack sa ginawa nya, sa basically i was taking notes then we have this guy which is ung popular dude sa class namin he was right infront of us and i didnt see him since i was too focused on taking notes(this popular dude can literally make a story and make everyone turn against you), bigla nalang siya nagsay na "bhie si .... at ..... na realize mo di sila nagpapansinan?" And ofc i said yeah then she said "gusto mo ba magkaissue?" Then i was weirded out by that then i looked at her and she has this wide ass smile almost like she knew that maging maissue kami then i looked at my front andyan pala yung dude, i said wtf to her and she was laughing. Then me, her and my bsf went to the lockers then she asked my bsf na "bat ayaw nyo maissue?" Ofc she answered that mas maganda maging spectator if may away and she kept on insisting na mas better if may issue, after i overheard them having a convo since our lockers arent that far from eachother I told my bsf abt what she did earlier then she said na "what omg di ako ganyan" she was trying to fucking paint me as the girl who wants her ruined, like girl ano din iruruin ko sayo.
We have a proj now which I havent done, its an interview and it could be groupings or individual. It was me and my bsf cause shes with the boissss cause "he invited me ehhhhhh omgg its so fun sa inyoooo sayanggggg si mommy kasi entrepreneur ehhh kaya samin" idrc she kept on saying that everytime me and my bsf plans smthng for the interview. Now I asked my bsf kung g ba sya tom and she said yeah but sama daw si friend, i was confused since the plan was just me and her not with that bitch so yeah i was questioning my bsf that when was this decision was made and may group na diba sya and my bsf said that "ohh she said that baka daw di siya payagan ng parents niya maginterview kasama sila" keyword BAKA, i was so close to fighting my bsf pero di na so ofc we took it sa gc para makita nya kung ano plano, so now i told them the time and sila na bahala san magmemeet up para ipipickup nalang namin sila then she was complaining na "bhie bat di sa weekend??? Bat sa weekday pa? Tas bat sa gabi??" OMLL MAYBE KASI MAY TRABAHO ANG TAO TAS WALA NG TIME??????? YOU LITERALLY INVITED YOURSELF anywho i told her that bahala sila cause ako magsosolo ako if ganun sila and then she complained again that "ayaw ko magsolo kasi ang hirap mageedit pa tas ganun sasabog na ulo ko😔😔" not joking i was going to scream cause of how fucking annoying she is. Now she wants me to pick her up sa house nya like girl ano sineswerte ka???? Ikaw ba magbabayad sa gas????? Parang gaga. Anywho this isnt even everything, half palang toh. Goodnight wveryone

“Remember, bedtime’s 9 o’clock,” my sister mentioned for the third time, handing me the spare key. “Oh, and no snacks too late in the night, especially sweets because that gives him real bad night-
“I heard you the first hundred times you mentioned it,” I assured.
She took in a quick deep breath and exhaled. “I know, I know,” she said. “I’m just telling you, he can be a handful.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Are you sure?”
I shrugged. “It’s kinda too late to say ‘no’ now, don’t you think?”
“Uncle Dan!” Theo, my 6-year-old nephew shouted excitedly, “I need to show you the new character I unlocked, he has-”
“Shhh, shhh, use our inside voices, honey,” my sister tapped lightly on his shoulder.
“We’ll have time to play with all the characters and all the other video games you have to show me, bud!” I matched his excitement.
“Yes!” Theo celebrated.
“Okay, you, I should be back in the morning, will you be good to Uncle Dan for me while I’m gone?” she asks Theo, to which the boy frantically nods in response. She looks to me. “Thank you again so much.”
“Yeah, yeah, now hurry on up before your posse leaves without you” - I turn my attention to Theo, placing my hands on his shoulders - “My best bud Theo and I have a repertoire of games to play while the night is still young!”
She then annoyingly ruffles my fluffy hair. “Thanks, little brother!” she cheers, before being on her way. “I owe you dinner.”
“Yeah you do,” I teased her.
“By mom!” Theo calls after.
“Love you!” she shouts back. “Be good!”
“I will!”
The front door shut with a soft click, and the quiet hum of the house settled around us. Theo's eyes gleamed with a mix of mischief and delight. He tugged at my hand, leading me deeper into the cozy living room, decorated with family photos and the faint scent of vanilla candles.
"We have the whole night, Uncle Dan!" he declared. "Where should we start?"
I chuckled, playfully ruffling his hair. "Well, let’s see what games you have lined up."
As he excitedly showed me his collection, the setting sun cast long, amber-tinted shadows through the large windows overlooking the forest. The house, a modern architectural wonder, was nestled amidst a dense stretch of woods. My sister had always favored seclusion and nature, a trait she seemingly inherited from our parents. The interior of the home was a contrasting embrace of warmth, adorned with plush furnishings, bright-colored drapes, and polished wooden floors that reflected the ambient lighting.
"Do you want some juice, Uncle Dan?" Theo asked, heading toward the kitchen.
“You can pour juice all by yourself?” I gasped, a light teasing tone in my voice.
“I’m six years old!” Theo retorted.
I chuckled as I looked around, taking in the familiar surroundings. "Sure thing, buddy. I trust you to be careful. Orange, please, if you have it."
"Coming right up!"
While he busied himself in the kitchen, I wandered over to the bookshelf. Amidst the collection of classic novels and family photo albums, a thin, worn-out children's book caught my eye. It was out of place amidst the neatly arranged titles. Its faded cover depicted a dark figure with piercing yellow eyes lurking behind a silhouette of trees.
The title read: "The Legend of the Yellow-Eyed Man."
I picked it up, curious. Skimming through the pages, I found beautiful yet eerie illustrations accompanied by rhyming verses. Hadn’t seen this in my kindergarten library growing up.
"Uncle Dan! Here's your juice!" Theo returned, holding out a glass.
"Thanks, champ." I took a sip and gestured to the book. "Where did you get this book from? Your mom bought it for you?"
"Oh, that?" Theo's brow furrowed. "Mommy brought it a few days ago. She said she got it for free from a bookstore. They had a place in it where anyone can leave books for others. I haven’t read it yet."
I smirked, "Want me to read it to you? Then you can show me that new character you were talking about?”
Theo hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "Okay, but only a little."
"Deal." I agreed, settling down on the side of the bed with him nestled by my side.
The opening lines of the book, told in a whimsical rhyme almost like a Dr. Seuss book, intrigued me.
Page 1
The illustration showed a quaint old town under the canopy of a twilight sky, in a nice blend of colored-pencil art and watercolors.
I read the first lines,
“In a town both old and quite profound,
Whispers of a legend, quietly sound.”
Page 2
The outline of a dark forest with glinting yellow eyes peering through the fog drew over the page.
"At the edge where the grand old woods stand tall,
Yellow eyes gleam, making skin crawl."
Page 3
Pictures of children inside their homes, some looking estranged, others casting forlorn glances out the window graced the page.
"Children lost in deep, silent pleas,
Hope fading like leaves from the trees."
Page 4
Silhouette of a child, face turned away, with the faintest shadow of the Yellow-Eyed Man behind a curtain.
"When a child's hope starts to wane,
He listens to their quiet pain."
I glanced over at Theo to gauge his mood. So far he seemed to be doing fine. I flipped to the next page.
Page 5
The next illustration a kitchen scene in an old house. Children’s toys scattered, dangerously placed knives edge the counter.
"Toys forsaken, night’s chill slips in,
Danger lurks, where light grows thin."
Page 6
The scene was a dense forest clearing bathed in moonlight, animals peering alertly, a peculiar spider standing out, with the Yellow-Eyed Man's figure ominously looming.
"In silent woods, where whispers confide,
His legend grows, ever worldwide."
Even this was starting to give me the chills. For a children’s book, it was quite unsettling; I could only imagine what might be going through Theo’s imaginative mind.
Page 7
A single house was cast in moonlight, covered in a hazy aura, with the barest hint of the Yellow-Eyed Man merging with the shadows.
"As homes slumber, secrets out of sight,
His allure pulls, with ghostly might."
Page 8
Nex page showed a creaky bedroom door slightly open, a warm inviting glow spilling out, yet beyond it, chilling yellow gleaming eyes.
"Doors ajar, a silent plea's breath,
His presence, a dance with shadowed death."
Then we got to page 9.
Page 9
The picture showed a child's room door slightly ajar, a sliver of golden light peeking through, and two gleaming yellow eyes waiting in the shadows.
"By doors left open, by promises unkept,
Near them he'd linger, as they dreamt."
The story grew darker and the illustrations more ominous.
Page 10
An unsuspecting child, looking distracted by a toy, while a tall shadow slowly extends a hand towards them.
"Reaching for those lost in play,
Whisking them far, far away."
Page 11
An empty bed, the sheets all in a mess. A window left open, curtains flowing, and a set of small footprints leading to the dark woods outside.
"In the hush of the night, not a soul would know,
Where the children taken by him would go."
“Okay, that’s enough,” Theo whispers, visibly shaken by the story.
"Alright, no more of that,” I sighed, slightly relieved, as I’d never admit to a child less than half my age that something equally scared the crap out of me as it did them. I gave him a light pat on the head for comfort. To lighten the mood and change the subject, grinning, I said to him, “Wanna show me that new character you were talking about?”
Theo nodded, still visibly shaken by the story, but agreed. "Mm-hmm,” he mustered.
Theo immediately made a beeline for his gaming console. As he set up a two-player game. He eagerly explained the game's controls to me. The sounds of pixelated adventures and our shared laughter filled the room, pushing away any lingering jitters either of us had from the story. Look, whether it’s a children’s book or not, scary is scary. Ask Neil Gaiman.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
As night deepened outside, casting the forest in a cloak of darkness, the house's interior glowed with life. The shadows, however, grew longer and more pronounced, embracing the nooks and crannies of the old house.
I walked around and explored the house a bit talking on the phone with a girl in my class, Denise, while Theo ate his spaghetti I heated up for him at the counter perched up on the high stool.
As night deepened outside, casting the forest in a cloak of darkness, the house's interior glowed with life. The shadows, however, grew longer and more pronounced, embracing the nooks and crannies of the old house.
I walked around and explored the house a bit talking on the phone with a girl in my class, Denise, while Theo ate his spaghetti I heated up for him at the counter perched up on the high stool.
“Yeah, it’s just some old house,” I spoke into the phone, my voice filled with feigned bravado. “It’s got its quirks, like every old place. The inside mixed with the outside kinda reminds of The Shire a bit.”
“Nerd,” she teased.
“You got the reference,” I shot back.
Denise laughed softly on the other end. “Guess I did, huh? Quirks? Like squeaky floorboards and things that go bump in the night?”
“Something like that,” I chuckled, pausing to peek into a dusty mirror. The reflection showed Theo behind me, cheerfully twirling spaghetti onto his fork. “But hey, if anything creepy does happen, I know who to call.”
“Me? Why would you call me?” Denise giggled.
“Because you’re all into that paranormal, wtichy stuff, right?” I teased.
She laughed, then defended, “I dabble in a few quote-on-quote ‘occultish’ things for fun here and there, but nothing too crazy. I will never do an ouija board or anything crazy like that.”
“Oh no, fuck that,” I said.
“Ooh, you said a bad word!” Theo pointed at me in the reflection, and I playfully stuck my tongue out, him mirroring the gesture.
Denise continued. “How ‘bout… if you do call, you have to promise to take me to that haunted house everyone talks about on Halloween.”
“You’ve got yourself a deal, Ghostbuster,” I flirted.
I could sense her smiling even through the phone as she changed the subject.
“You know Mr. Harrow gave us another pop quiz today?” Denise’s voice had a teasing lilt. “Bet you wish you hadn’t skipped now.”
She knew good and well-
“I have a very valid excuse, okay? Babysitting duties call.” I replied, trying to sound gallant.
Her laugh was light, fluttery. “And here I was, imagining you battling dragons or deciphering runes. But babysitting your nephew? That’s heroic on its own, I guess.”
“Yes. I’m a nerd,” I surrendered.
We continued for a minute, just flirting back and forth here and there, as I walked from one spot of the house to the other, exploring more things and just being downright nosey. I glanced towards the kitchen. Theo had left his empty bowl on the counter, the remains of spaghetti sauce smudged around its edges. Just as our banter reached its peak, my phone beeped, signaling another incoming call. I glanced at the screen. Jane.
“Hey, I need to take this call. It’s my sister.” I paused, waiting for her response.
“Alright, just don’t forget about the haunted house,” she teased, her voice filled with playful warmth.
“Promise,” I assured her, switching over to Jane's call.
“Hey,” Jane began, “You two doing okay?”
“All’s quiet on the western front,” I joked.
“What’s Theo doin’?” she asked.
“He’s fine, probably back to his game. Just finished his food. What’s up?”
“I forgot to tell you, I might have left a book on the coffee table. It's old, I picked it up from a bookstore giveaway. Thought Theo might like it. Just... maybe preview it before reading it to him?”
As I turned my gaze around the kitchen, I froze. The knives from the wooden block were placed precariously close to the edge of the counter. The hell?
“Dan?” Jane awaited my response.
“Uh, yeah,” I hesitated, “It’s just...the kitchen knives. They’re right on the edge of the counter,” peering over at them from where I was standing. “Out of their box.”
“Oh, were you two cooking or something?” I could tell she didn’t really know what to say.
“Must've been Theo trying to help clean up,” I murmured, not entirely convinced by my own reasoning.
“Please be careful,” Jane pressed. “Just keep the knives tucked away far in the corner. Oh, and one more thing, don’t let Theo eat any of the cookies in the glass jar on the second shelf. They're those with macadamia nuts. I forgot to mention he's developed a mild allergy.”
“Alright, will do. You focus on your girls’ night out, we’ve got things under control here.”
As I hung up, I was still thrown off by the knives. I don’t remember putting them there, and I sure as hell don’t think Theo actually did. But then I thought, he was a six-year-old, so maybe? Funny that we were just reading a storybook that had kitchen knives placed a tad too close to the counter, as the thought briefly crossed my mind.
Suddenly, Theo's voice rang out, "Uncle Dan!"
It startled me, and as I jumped, caught me so off guard I ended up knocking one of those freaky knives. I nudged one of the knives and watched in slow motion as it came flying down. I had horrible reflexes, and in situations like this where there wasn’t much time to react, I had to just hope it would miss.
The knife clattered on the floor just next to my foot, barely missing.
I gasped in shock then exhaled a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. Geez…
I met Theo in the hallway to find him holding a DVD case up high. "Can we watch this, Uncle Dan?" He looked up with those big, pleading eyes.
"Yeah, sure thing, champ," I replied, ruffling his hair. "But after a bit, it's bubble time!" The reminder of bath time made him pull a face that was a mix of ‘really?’ and excitement.
“Can I grab a snack first?” he asked.
"Just keep your hands off the cookie jar," I said, remembering Jane’s words.
His eyes sparkled mischievously. "Oreos aren't in the jar, are they?"
I chuckled, raising an eyebrow.
"You're one smart cookie, you know that?” I said, booping his scrunched-up nose. “Go on, grab your Oreos."
As he scampered towards the pantry. I was about to get the DVD all set in the living room until I just remembered.
Oh shit, the knives. I went over trailing along not too far behind after him. While tucking the knives back into their box, a soft but distinct hiss reached my ears – unmistakably, the sound of gas. My head jerked around to find the stove flame reaching like it was trying to touch the ceiling. I rushed over to shut it down, and Theo, bless him, piped up from behind me. "I swear, Uncle Dan, I didn't touch it!"
“You swear?” I pried some more.
“I don’t even know how to turn it on!” he stressed some more.
Fair point. I didn’t know how to work a stove either at that age. Plus, I knew from where the pantry was and where the stove sat in the distance, I don’t really see how he could have turned it on, even if by accident. He did beat me to the kitchen and all, but really, what were the odds of him just randomly turning on the stove by himself for no reason other than to toy with me?
Taking a deep breath, I tried to shake it off. "Alright, let's get this movie started for you."
I went ahead and took the disc out of the case. Theo had to use the bathroom first. In the meantime, I set up to get the movie ready in the living room entertainment center. I inserted it into the player and waited for it to load.
As the movie began its startup sequence, the anticipation of a casual family film quickly dissolved. Instead of the familiar title screen or studio logo, the TV showed a jarring, flickering static. The static then gave way to a distorted view of the very house we were in from an outside viewpoint, as if a camera were locked aimed on it. The screen then transitioned to a specific angle, a window.
My eyes strained as I leaned forward, catching a fleeting glimpse of a tall, dark figure silhouetted against the glass. At first, it seemed to meld seamlessly with the surrounding trees, almost camouflaged, and I almost barely even noticed it. And then I saw two yellow gleaming orbs seeping through…
Just like that, the opening logos for the movie cut on, like nothing happened.
I yanked the DVD out so fast as if it'd burn me. "Hey, Theo?" I called out.
"Yeah?" came his voice from the bathroom.
"You almost done in there," I said, heart still racing.
“Why?” he asked.
“I… gotta go next,” I lied, though I suppose I actually could now.
He sassily replied, “Why don’t you just use my mom’s bathroom?”
My eyes darted around, taking in each shadow, every window.
“I, uh, just don’t want you to miss the movie,” I tried to sound calm, eyes still scanning. “Just be quick.”
With a growing unease prickling the back of my neck, I felt an urgent need to ensure that both of us were safe. Every creak of the wooden floors and rustle outside seemed amplified to me. I systematically searched the house for every window. Each room brought its own set of shadows and ambiguities, different patterns of moonlight seeping through the curtains and blinds.
With every tick of the clock, the feeling that eyes were on me itched more and more. At some points, I thought I could feel the weight of a gaze over me or hear a whisper of movement just beyond my line of sight.
As I moved from room to room, checking latches and ensuring every window was secured, a sense of dread spilled over me as I stepped into Jane's room. The curtains billowed softly by the night's breeze, revealing a window left carelessly open. My stomach knotted in unease. Of all the windows in this labyrinthine old house, it had to be this one. The cold outside air seemed to carry with it the unsettling whispers of the outside woods.
I quickly shut it and hurried down to Theo's room, grabbing the old book we'd read from the shelf.
“Theo, you good in there?” I asked simultaneously, as I stepped back into the hall and paced between the living room and kitchen, shakily skimming through the pages.
“Yeah!” he called back.
I really just needed to hear his voice. That was enough reassurance for me. Either way, seeing him would be an added relief bonus.
I skimmed through the pages of the storybook and found myself reading over some of the rhymes we read previously, my eyes halted on the illustrations. The thing that stood out to be in particular was the part about the knives. I was half-joking to myself when I recalled the picture of knives being set to close to the counter edge was oddly familiar to the situation that just occurred momentarily ago. But now that I was looking at it, in the picture, they were positioned oddly close to how they looked…
Then I saw the picture of the children in the book playing with matches, the very ominous background image of flames expanding and threatening to engulf a room. None of the children were harmed in the book, but it was still strangely coincidental with the stove suddenly coming on, supposedly by itself…
And the eyes, the creature’s eyes…
The illustration of it peering in the window, as I gazed down looking at it. And then the video I’d seen…
I started to wonder with a frightful curiosity where the hell Jane got this damn book.
Theo had finally come from out the bathroom, surprising and scaring the shit out of me as he appeared from almost out of nowhere. For as much noise as he usually made, he had a talent for being sneaky when he wanted.
Theo glanced at the book in my hand, his brows furrowing. "What're you doing with the book, Uncle Dan?"
"Just, uh, checking out the illustrations," I replied, hoping my answer was convincing enough.
"What happened to the movie?" he continued, his eyes darting to the TV.
"It's acting up. Probably a glitch," I answered, trying to divert his attention. "You know what? How about we head to your room and play a game? Or maybe even watch a different movie?"
His eyes lit up at the suggestion, then he pointed at the book I held, saying, "I'll put it back for you!"
I hesitated for a split second before handing it over, "Thanks, buddy."
He agreed, offering to take the book back and put it on his shelf, to which I handed it to him and followed along as he ran down the hall into the bedroom.
Just as he stepped through the doorway interjected an elongated arm emerged from the corner, slamming his door shut.
My heart leapt into my throat as I stood across the hall and watched it happen right then and there. A bloodcurdling scream from Theo pierced the air.
“Theo!” I shouted, darting down the hall towards the room.
I desperately turned on the knob, but it resisted, somehow locked on the other side. With adrenaline pumping, I threw my weight against it, bursting it open.
The room was in chaos. Theo was sprawled on the floor, held underneath the now toppled bookshelf. Disarrayed books strewn about, mingling with toys that Theo had precariously perched atop the shelf.
Without a second's hesitation, I hoisted the shelf off him, setting it back upright against the wall. Kneeling down, I searched Theo's face for any sign of injury or distress.
“Are you okay?” I asked through shaky breath.
His eyes, wide and filled with shock, met mine as he gave a silent nod.
Desperation lacing my voice, I pressed, "Did you see anyone? A man in the room?”
Theo's response was a quick, shaken "no." But I persisted, the image of the dark arm still fresh in my mind.
"I'm certain I saw someone," I said, my voice rising. “Theo, did you see anyone?!”
Theo's eyes filled with tears. "You're scaring me," he said. Immediately regretting my intensity, I gently placed my hands on his shoulders, trying to soothe and reassure him.
“I’m sorry, buddy, I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I thought something had happened to you for sec.”
As I kneeled before him with my hands still on his shoulder, a glint of movement on the carpet caught my eye — the skittering outline of a bug crawling, its eight legs ominously making its way toward Theo's foot. My eyes widened as I recognized it as none other than a deadly brown recluse. I instinctively lunged, smashing it with the swift motion of my balled fist before it could pose any threat.
Collecting ourselves, I patted Theo off and began to gather the scattered items. My gaze landed on the Yellow-Eyed Man book, open and face down. I carefully picked it up as thought it would bite me, turning it over to the open picture. It was page 6.
"In silent woods, where whispers confide,
His legend grows, ever worldwide."
Sticking out like a sore thumb was the striking depiction of a brown spider within the picture.

“Remember, bedtime’s 9 o’clock,” my sister mentioned for the third time, handing me the spare key. “Oh, and no snacks too late in the night, especially sweets because that gives him real bad night-
“I heard you the first hundred times you mentioned it,” I assured.
She took in a quick deep breath and exhaled. “I know, I know,” she said. “I’m just telling you, he can be a handful.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Are you sure?”
I shrugged. “It’s kinda too late to say ‘no’ now, don’t you think?”
“Uncle Dan!” Theo, my 6-year-old nephew shouted excitedly, “I need to show you the new character I unlocked, he has-”
“Shhh, shhh, use our inside voices, honey,” my sister tapped lightly on his shoulder.
“We’ll have time to play with all the characters and all the other video games you have to show me, bud!” I matched his excitement.
“Yes!” Theo celebrated.
“Okay, you, I should be back in the morning, will you be good to Uncle Dan for me while I’m gone?” she asks Theo, to which the boy frantically nods in response. She looks to me. “Thank you again so much.”
“Yeah, yeah, now hurry on up before your posse leaves without you” - I turn my attention to Theo, placing my hands on his shoulders - “My best bud Theo and I have a repertoire of games to play while the night is still young!”
She then annoyingly ruffles my fluffy hair. “Thanks, little brother!” she cheers, before being on her way. “I owe you dinner.”
“Yeah you do,” I teased her.
“By mom!” Theo calls after.
“Love you!” she shouts back. “Be good!”
“I will!”
The front door shut with a soft click, and the quiet hum of the house settled around us. Theo's eyes gleamed with a mix of mischief and delight. He tugged at my hand, leading me deeper into the cozy living room, decorated with family photos and the faint scent of vanilla candles.
"We have the whole night, Uncle Dan!" he declared. "Where should we start?"
I chuckled, playfully ruffling his hair. "Well, let’s see what games you have lined up."
As he excitedly showed me his collection, the setting sun cast long, amber-tinted shadows through the large windows overlooking the forest. The house, a modern architectural wonder, was nestled amidst a dense stretch of woods. My sister had always favored seclusion and nature, a trait she seemingly inherited from our parents. The interior of the home was a contrasting embrace of warmth, adorned with plush furnishings, bright-colored drapes, and polished wooden floors that reflected the ambient lighting.
"Do you want some juice, Uncle Dan?" Theo asked, heading toward the kitchen.
“You can pour juice all by yourself?” I gasped, a light teasing tone in my voice.
“I’m six years old!” Theo retorted.
I chuckled as I looked around, taking in the familiar surroundings. "Sure thing, buddy. I trust you to be careful. Orange, please, if you have it."
"Coming right up!"
While he busied himself in the kitchen, I wandered over to the bookshelf. Amidst the collection of classic novels and family photo albums, a thin, worn-out children's book caught my eye. It was out of place amidst the neatly arranged titles. Its faded cover depicted a dark figure with piercing yellow eyes lurking behind a silhouette of trees.
The title read: "The Legend of the Yellow-Eyed Man."
I picked it up, curious. Skimming through the pages, I found beautiful yet eerie illustrations accompanied by rhyming verses. Hadn’t seen this in my kindergarten library growing up.
"Uncle Dan! Here's your juice!" Theo returned, holding out a glass.
"Thanks, champ." I took a sip and gestured to the book. "Where did you get this book from? Your mom bought it for you?"
"Oh, that?" Theo's brow furrowed. "Mommy brought it a few days ago. She said she got it for free from a bookstore. They had a place in it where anyone can leave books for others. I haven’t read it yet."
I smirked, "Want me to read it to you? Then you can show me that new character you were talking about?”
Theo hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "Okay, but only a little."
"Deal." I agreed, settling down on the side of the bed with him nestled by my side.
The opening lines of the book, told in a whimsical rhyme almost like a Dr. Seuss book, intrigued me.
Page 1
The illustration showed a quaint old town under the canopy of a twilight sky, in a nice blend of colored-pencil art and watercolors.
I read the first lines,
“In a town both old and quite profound,
Whispers of a legend, quietly sound.”
Page 2
The outline of a dark forest with glinting yellow eyes peering through the fog drew over the page.
"At the edge where the grand old woods stand tall,
Yellow eyes gleam, making skin crawl."
Page 3
Pictures of children inside their homes, some looking estranged, others casting forlorn glances out the window graced the page.
"Children lost in deep, silent pleas,
Hope fading like leaves from the trees."
Page 4
Silhouette of a child, face turned away, with the faintest shadow of the Yellow-Eyed Man behind a curtain.
"When a child's hope starts to wane,
He listens to their quiet pain."
I glanced over at Theo to gauge his mood. So far he seemed to be doing fine. I flipped to the next page.
Page 5
The next illustration a kitchen scene in an old house. Children’s toys scattered, dangerously placed knives edge the counter.
"Toys forsaken, night’s chill slips in,
Danger lurks, where light grows thin."
Page 6
The scene was a dense forest clearing bathed in moonlight, animals peering alertly, a peculiar spider standing out, with the Yellow-Eyed Man's figure ominously looming.
"In silent woods, where whispers confide,
His legend grows, ever worldwide."
Even this was starting to give me the chills. For a children’s book, it was quite unsettling; I could only imagine what might be going through Theo’s imaginative mind.
Page 7
A single house was cast in moonlight, covered in a hazy aura, with the barest hint of the Yellow-Eyed Man merging with the shadows.
"As homes slumber, secrets out of sight,
His allure pulls, with ghostly might."
Page 8
Nex page showed a creaky bedroom door slightly open, a warm inviting glow spilling out, yet beyond it, chilling yellow gleaming eyes.
"Doors ajar, a silent plea's breath,
His presence, a dance with shadowed death."
Then we got to page 9.
Page 9
The picture showed a child's room door slightly ajar, a sliver of golden light peeking through, and two gleaming yellow eyes waiting in the shadows.
"By doors left open, by promises unkept,
Near them he'd linger, as they dreamt."
The story grew darker and the illustrations more ominous.
Page 10
An unsuspecting child, looking distracted by a toy, while a tall shadow slowly extends a hand towards them.
"Reaching for those lost in play,
Whisking them far, far away."
Page 11
An empty bed, the sheets all in a mess. A window left open, curtains flowing, and a set of small footprints leading to the dark woods outside.
"In the hush of the night, not a soul would know,
Where the children taken by him would go."
“Okay, that’s enough,” Theo whispers, visibly shaken by the story.
"Alright, no more of that,” I sighed, slightly relieved, as I’d never admit to a child less than half my age that something equally scared the crap out of me as it did them. I gave him a light pat on the head for comfort. To lighten the mood and change the subject, grinning, I said to him, “Wanna show me that new character you were talking about?”
Theo nodded, still visibly shaken by the story, but agreed. "Mm-hmm,” he mustered.
Theo immediately made a beeline for his gaming console. As he set up a two-player game. He eagerly explained the game's controls to me. The sounds of pixelated adventures and our shared laughter filled the room, pushing away any lingering jitters either of us had from the story. Look, whether it’s a children’s book or not, scary is scary. Ask Neil Gaiman.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
As night deepened outside, casting the forest in a cloak of darkness, the house's interior glowed with life. The shadows, however, grew longer and more pronounced, embracing the nooks and crannies of the old house.
I walked around and explored the house a bit talking on the phone with a girl in my class, Denise, while Theo ate his spaghetti I heated up for him at the counter perched up on the high stool.
As night deepened outside, casting the forest in a cloak of darkness, the house's interior glowed with life. The shadows, however, grew longer and more pronounced, embracing the nooks and crannies of the old house.
I walked around and explored the house a bit talking on the phone with a girl in my class, Denise, while Theo ate his spaghetti I heated up for him at the counter perched up on the high stool.
“Yeah, it’s just some old house,” I spoke into the phone, my voice filled with feigned bravado. “It’s got its quirks, like every old place. The inside mixed with the outside kinda reminds of The Shire a bit.”
“Nerd,” she teased.
“You got the reference,” I shot back.
Denise laughed softly on the other end. “Guess I did, huh? Quirks? Like squeaky floorboards and things that go bump in the night?”
“Something like that,” I chuckled, pausing to peek into a dusty mirror. The reflection showed Theo behind me, cheerfully twirling spaghetti onto his fork. “But hey, if anything creepy does happen, I know who to call.”
“Me? Why would you call me?” Denise giggled.
“Because you’re all into that paranormal, wtichy stuff, right?” I teased.
She laughed, then defended, “I dabble in a few quote-on-quote ‘occultish’ things for fun here and there, but nothing too crazy. I will never do an ouija board or anything crazy like that.”
“Oh no, fuck that,” I said.
“Ooh, you said a bad word!” Theo pointed at me in the reflection, and I playfully stuck my tongue out, him mirroring the gesture.
Denise continued. “How ‘bout… if you do call, you have to promise to take me to that haunted house everyone talks about on Halloween.”
“You’ve got yourself a deal, Ghostbuster,” I flirted.
I could sense her smiling even through the phone as she changed the subject.
“You know Mr. Harrow gave us another pop quiz today?” Denise’s voice had a teasing lilt. “Bet you wish you hadn’t skipped now.”
She knew good and well-
“I have a very valid excuse, okay? Babysitting duties call.” I replied, trying to sound gallant.
Her laugh was light, fluttery. “And here I was, imagining you battling dragons or deciphering runes. But babysitting your nephew? That’s heroic on its own, I guess.”
“Yes. I’m a nerd,” I surrendered.
We continued for a minute, just flirting back and forth here and there, as I walked from one spot of the house to the other, exploring more things and just being downright nosey. I glanced towards the kitchen. Theo had left his empty bowl on the counter, the remains of spaghetti sauce smudged around its edges. Just as our banter reached its peak, my phone beeped, signaling another incoming call. I glanced at the screen. Jane.
“Hey, I need to take this call. It’s my sister.” I paused, waiting for her response.
“Alright, just don’t forget about the haunted house,” she teased, her voice filled with playful warmth.
“Promise,” I assured her, switching over to Jane's call.
“Hey,” Jane began, “You two doing okay?”
“All’s quiet on the western front,” I joked.
“What’s Theo doin’?” she asked.
“He’s fine, probably back to his game. Just finished his food. What’s up?”
“I forgot to tell you, I might have left a book on the coffee table. It's old, I picked it up from a bookstore giveaway. Thought Theo might like it. Just... maybe preview it before reading it to him?”
As I turned my gaze around the kitchen, I froze. The knives from the wooden block were placed precariously close to the edge of the counter. The hell?
“Dan?” Jane awaited my response.
“Uh, yeah,” I hesitated, “It’s just...the kitchen knives. They’re right on the edge of the counter,” peering over at them from where I was standing. “Out of their box.”
“Oh, were you two cooking or something?” I could tell she didn’t really know what to say.
“Must've been Theo trying to help clean up,” I murmured, not entirely convinced by my own reasoning.
“Please be careful,” Jane pressed. “Just keep the knives tucked away far in the corner. Oh, and one more thing, don’t let Theo eat any of the cookies in the glass jar on the second shelf. They're those with macadamia nuts. I forgot to mention he's developed a mild allergy.”
“Alright, will do. You focus on your girls’ night out, we’ve got things under control here.”
As I hung up, I was still thrown off by the knives. I don’t remember putting them there, and I sure as hell don’t think Theo actually did. But then I thought, he was a six-year-old, so maybe? Funny that we were just reading a storybook that had kitchen knives placed a tad too close to the counter, as the thought briefly crossed my mind.
Suddenly, Theo's voice rang out, "Uncle Dan!"
It startled me, and as I jumped, caught me so off guard I ended up knocking one of those freaky knives. I nudged one of the knives and watched in slow motion as it came flying down. I had horrible reflexes, and in situations like this where there wasn’t much time to react, I had to just hope it would miss.
The knife clattered on the floor just next to my foot, barely missing.
I gasped in shock then exhaled a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. Geez…
I met Theo in the hallway to find him holding a DVD case up high. "Can we watch this, Uncle Dan?" He looked up with those big, pleading eyes.
"Yeah, sure thing, champ," I replied, ruffling his hair. "But after a bit, it's bubble time!" The reminder of bath time made him pull a face that was a mix of ‘really?’ and excitement.
“Can I grab a snack first?” he asked.
"Just keep your hands off the cookie jar," I said, remembering Jane’s words.
His eyes sparkled mischievously. "Oreos aren't in the jar, are they?"
I chuckled, raising an eyebrow.
"You're one smart cookie, you know that?” I said, booping his scrunched-up nose. “Go on, grab your Oreos."
As he scampered towards the pantry. I was about to get the DVD all set in the living room until I just remembered.
Oh shit, the knives. I went over trailing along not too far behind after him. While tucking the knives back into their box, a soft but distinct hiss reached my ears – unmistakably, the sound of gas. My head jerked around to find the stove flame reaching like it was trying to touch the ceiling. I rushed over to shut it down, and Theo, bless him, piped up from behind me. "I swear, Uncle Dan, I didn't touch it!"
“You swear?” I pried some more.
“I don’t even know how to turn it on!” he stressed some more.
Fair point. I didn’t know how to work a stove either at that age. Plus, I knew from where the pantry was and where the stove sat in the distance, I don’t really see how he could have turned it on, even if by accident. He did beat me to the kitchen and all, but really, what were the odds of him just randomly turning on the stove by himself for no reason other than to toy with me?
Taking a deep breath, I tried to shake it off. "Alright, let's get this movie started for you."
I went ahead and took the disc out of the case. Theo had to use the bathroom first. In the meantime, I set up to get the movie ready in the living room entertainment center. I inserted it into the player and waited for it to load.
As the movie began its startup sequence, the anticipation of a casual family film quickly dissolved. Instead of the familiar title screen or studio logo, the TV showed a jarring, flickering static. The static then gave way to a distorted view of the very house we were in from an outside viewpoint, as if a camera were locked aimed on it. The screen then transitioned to a specific angle, a window.
My eyes strained as I leaned forward, catching a fleeting glimpse of a tall, dark figure silhouetted against the glass. At first, it seemed to meld seamlessly with the surrounding trees, almost camouflaged, and I almost barely even noticed it. And then I saw two yellow gleaming orbs seeping through…
Just like that, the opening logos for the movie cut on, like nothing happened.
I yanked the DVD out so fast you’d think it burned me. "Hey, Theo?" I called out.
"Yeah?" came his voice from the bathroom.
"You almost done in there," I lied, my heart still racing.
“Why?” he asked.
“I… gotta go next,” I lied, though I suppose I actually could now.
He sassily replied, “Why don’t you just use my mom’s bathroom?”
My eyes darted around, taking in each shadow, every window.
“I, uh, just don’t want you to miss the movie,” I tried to sound calm, eyes still scanning. “Just be quick.”
With a growing unease prickling the back of my neck, I felt an urgent need to ensure that both of us were safe. Every creak of the wooden floors and rustle outside seemed amplified to me. I systematically searched the house for every window. Each room brought its own set of shadows and ambiguities, different patterns of moonlight seeping through the curtains and blinds.
With every tick of the clock, the feeling that eyes were on me itched more and more. At some points, I thought I could feel the weight of a gaze over me or hear a whisper of movement just beyond my line of sight.
As I moved from room to room, checking latches and ensuring every window was secured, a sense of dread spilled over me as I stepped into Jane's room. The curtains billowed softly by the night's breeze, revealing a window left carelessly open. My stomach knotted in unease. Of all the windows in this labyrinthine old house, it had to be this one. The cold outside air seemed to carry with it the unsettling whispers of the outside woods.
I quickly shut it and hurried down to Theo's room, grabbing the old book we'd read from the shelf.
“Theo, you good in there?” I asked simultaneously, as I stepped back into the hall and paced between the living room and kitchen, shakily skimming through the pages.
“Yeah!” he called back.
I really just needed to hear his voice. That was enough reassurance for me. Either way, seeing him would be an added relief bonus.
I skimmed through the pages of the storybook and found myself reading over some of the rhymes we read previously, my eyes halted on the illustrations. The thing that stood out to be in particular was the part about the knives. I was half-joking to myself when I recalled the picture of knives being set to close to the counter edge was oddly familiar to the situation that just occurred momentarily ago. But now that I was looking at it, in the picture, they were positioned oddly close to how they looked…
Then I saw the picture of the children in the book playing with matches, the very ominous background image of flames expanding and threatening to engulf a room. None of the children were harmed in the book, but it was still strangely coincidental with the stove suddenly coming on, supposedly by itself…
And the eyes, the creature’s eyes…
The illustration of it peering in the window, as I gazed down looking at it. And then the video I’d seen…
I started to wonder with a frightful curiosity where the hell Jane got this damn book.
Theo had finally come from out the bathroom, surprising and scaring the shit out of me as he appeared from almost out of nowhere. For as much noise as he usually made, he had a talent for being sneaky when he wanted.
Theo glanced at the book in my hand, his brows furrowing. "What're you doing with the book, Uncle Dan?"
"Just, uh, checking out the illustrations," I replied, hoping my answer was convincing enough.
"What happened to the movie?" he continued, his eyes darting to the TV.
"It's acting up. Probably a glitch," I answered, trying to divert his attention. "You know what? How about we head to your room and play a game? Or maybe even watch a different movie?"
His eyes lit up at the suggestion, then he pointed at the book I held, saying, "I'll put it back for you!"
I hesitated for a split second before handing it over, "Thanks, buddy."
He agreed, offering to take the book back and put it on his shelf, to which I handed it to him and followed along as he ran down the hall into the bedroom.
Just as he stepped through the doorway interjected an elongated arm emerged from the corner, slamming his door shut.
My heart leapt into my throat as I stood across the hall and watched it happen right then and there. A bloodcurdling scream from Theo pierced the air.
“Theo!” I shouted, darting down the hall towards the room.
I desperately turned on the knob, but it resisted, somehow locked on the other side. With adrenaline pumping, I threw my weight against it, bursting it open.
The room was in chaos. Theo was sprawled on the floor, held underneath the now toppled bookshelf. Disarrayed books strewn about, mingling with toys that Theo had precariously perched atop the shelf.
Without a second's hesitation, I hoisted the shelf off him, setting it back upright against the wall. Kneeling down, I searched Theo's face for any sign of injury or distress.
“Are you okay?” I asked through shaky breath.
His eyes, wide and filled with shock, met mine as he gave a silent nod.
Desperation lacing my voice, I pressed, "Did you see anyone? A man in the room?”
Theo's response was a quick, shaken "no." But I persisted, the image of the dark arm still fresh in my mind.
"I'm certain I saw someone," I said, my voice rising. “Theo, did you see anyone?!”
Theo's eyes filled with tears. "You're scaring me," he said. Immediately regretting my intensity, I gently placed my hands on his shoulders, trying to soothe and reassure him.
“I’m sorry, buddy, I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I thought something had happened to you for sec.”
As I kneeled before him with my hands still on his shoulder, a glint of movement on the carpet caught my eye — the skittering outline of a bug crawling, its eight legs ominously making its way toward Theo's foot. My eyes widened as I recognized it as none other than a deadly brown recluse. I instinctively lunged, smashing it with the swift motion of my balled fist before it could pose any threat.
Collecting ourselves, I patted Theo off and began to gather the scattered items. My gaze landed on the Yellow-Eyed Man book, open and face down. I carefully picked it up as thought it would bite me, turning it over to the open picture. It was page 6.
"In silent woods, where whispers confide,
His legend grows, ever worldwide."
Sticking out like a sore thumb was the striking depiction of a brown spider within the picture.

Via https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/offbeat/frasier-review-fear-not-craniacs-tvs-funniest-fusspot-is-as-hilarious-as-evear-AA1hDL6X
To exhume a beloved old show is to flirt with danger. Can the revival ever match the original? Will the characters seem out of step with today? The return of Frasier (Paramount +) feels less of an insurance risk. Itself a spin-off of Cheers, it has regeneration in its DNA. It helps too that in his fussy pomp Frasier Crane already had midlife bones. Like the finest malt – a running gag in the new show – he’s pre-aged.
The years have put a crook in Kelsey Grammer’s lower back so he now moves with a scurrying waddle reminiscent of his cranky old dad, Martin (the late John Mahoney). But Frasier’s magnetic complexities, the snobbish ego and laughable need, are still there, cryogenically preserved and now unleashed upon Harvard.
As he swaggers back into Boston, a huge TV star seeking professional renewal and a deeper connection with his son Freddy (Jack Cutmore-Scott), those snobby priorities of his will out. “Trust me,” he tells his unlike-minded boy about soft mattresses, “once you go yak you never go back.”
The original show’s domestic dynamic has been cannily rebooted: having suffered the blue-collar tastes of his live-in father, a retired policeman, Frasier has now bribed his down-home firefighter son to cohabit. Thus resumes the debate about how to furnish a room, begun when Martin had his scuzzy armchair delivered to that impeccable Seattle apartment in the very first episode of Frasier back in 1993. Freddy is fond of a Perspex boxful of dust from the Fenway Park pitch of his beloved baseball team, the Red Sox. “Fenway, meet Steinway,” Frasier says as he solemnly plants it on his priceless piano: a dad v lad culture clash compressed into three nifty words.
Sadly, there’s no Niles (David Hyde Pierce), but his hyper-neurotic spirit is reincarnated in his socially awkward boy David (Anders Keith), who was born in the very last episode of the old show. “I have a laminated card,” he pipes up when someone asks about allergies. “The ones in red are fatal.”
For the returning fan there are plentiful callbacks to Niles and other absentees – and beyond that to the bar where everybody knows your name. Freddy’s chilly mother, who barely appeared in Frasier, is evoked with especially eager frequency. “My ex-wife Lilith!” says Frasier, answering a question in a barroom quiz. “Oh, I’m kidding. The Arctic Circle.” It’s enthralling to know that Bebe Neuwirth, who played her, and Peri Gilpin, as Frasier’s radio producer Roz Doyle, are both promised for later in the season.
While allusions to old and unseen characters – even Eddie the dog – may fly clean over the heads of incomers, they’ll be catnip to those with a longer memory. But Frasier 2.0 is not all about recycling. Like a lot of 1990s sitcoms, the old show had no room for non-white ethnicities among its main cast, now corrected by the presence of actress/waitress/single mother Eve (Jess Salgueiro) and Frasier’s go-getting faculty head Olivia (Toks Olagundoye). Such is the sharp delineation of the writing and acting that they feel familiar within an episode. Freddy’s fire crew are also great value.
And what of the curious outrider Nicholas Lyndhurst? When it was announced, the prospect of dear gormless Rodders entering Frasier’s orbit felt inconceivable. And yes, there is a physical overlap in the way Lyndhurst’s head wobbles on his shoulders. Actually he’s deliciously dry as Frasier’s old Oxford pal Alan Cornwall, an indolent and cynical professor of psychology who lives for historic whiskys. With no Niles, Alan is the one who enables recherché gags about Middleton, Shackleton and – surprise, surprise – the Bullingdon.
Does it work? On the strength of the first five episodes, very much so. At the press launch I attended, the first squalls of outright laughter came when Frasier stands in front of a kitchen swing door and blocks it to prevent David, trapped the other side and trying needily to batter through, from interrupting. It’s a brilliant mingling of physical and psychological comedy, and I laughed just as much when I watched again on my own.
In the interregnum, we learn, Frasier was the host of a Letterman-like TV show, which mercilessly spoofed in a flashback. It turns out that Frasier’s many devotees are known, hilariously, as Craniacs. Their ranks are now certain to swell.

So basically this boy and I who I had just kind of knew existed at school got talking one lesson since he didn’t have a device and we were doing a quiz and he asked to do it with me. Long story short we had a lot of fun and I felt his eyes on me a lot and there was definitely some flirting. After this we spoke often, not every lesson we were in but if we had time we would. And we texted during the holidays. (During the summer is when I realised I had a crush on him)
After the summer break our timetables changed and we now only have 1 lesson together, due to us both being on holiday for the last 2 weeks of the holiday we didn’t text during those 2 weeks, so when we got back to school and we had our only class together for the first time this school year he was quick to make convo. He asked how my summer was and all that but he was also quick to get back to flirting. This went on for the first week and a half back.
I had one day off for a hospital appointment and when I came back the seating plan had changed in our class. And we were a bit further away than from before but not too far like we could still try to have a convo if it was something we didn’t mind like 2 other people hearing. But after this he kinda stopped talking to me, he doesn’t even try to talk after class like we would use to. I’ve tried but I have anxiety and making conversation with anyone can be challenging sometimes especially when it’s someone I have a crush on.
(Just wanted to mention that I had this feeling that maybe he liked me since he isn’t like this with anyone else and even now after him not talking to me he isn’t like this with anyone else)
So was I just being delusional or was there something or could there still be something?
Also let me know if you want a bit more info on this