tw /// for self harm, grooming, domestic abuse, not proof read
For context we met three months ago when we were both in a rough mental patch. But we were able to find comfort in our lives through eachother. At first we were very open about our feelings and affection, but one day (20-27 days in) I wrote a small paragraph that basically told that I really loved him and I care about him right before I went to sleep. Before that we had acknowledged that we both liked eachother romantically, but wanted to take things slow. He proceeded to ghost me for 6 hrs (I ended up passing out from the stress and pain of him not responding to me).
But I woke up to a text that explained that he wanted to take things slow and not be so serious. I agreed (I have psychosis and I trust his judgement) even though it really broke my heart. Flash forward to Mid April where we were progressing really well in our relationship. I asked him how his day went and he told me that he was sad today. It was really odd because he never ever opens up when he was sad. I was excited that he was confiding in me. So of course I dropped everything to comfort him, and after some very gentle, guided prodding he finally opened up to a traumatic experience (self harm) that happened to him. He basically SH to get a girl's attention when he was 13-14.
He said something along the lines of "I'm scared of summer because something bad always happens in summer," and "I do things I regret", "I'm scared of things repeating themselves" before getting to the heart of what happened.
Of course I take this issue very seriously, and I'm softly comforting him through it. Then, he suddenly doesn't respond. I don't worry all too much about it because he's upset, of course he's allowed to not respond for a while. So I ended up waiting by the phone (it's a week day and I had online classes to attend) from 11 am to 1 pm and he doesn't ever come back. I'm extremely worried about him, he told me some very heavy stuff.
I try not to think about it and push through the day even though it was so stressful. I send him a goodnight text at 4 pm (1 am his time), and just assumed maybe his siblings or his parents had stole him away for a bit.
But when I wake up the next morning he's not there. I assume he needed his space, it was a lot to relive so I sent him a text checking up on him etc etc. Sending him love and comfort. Then I go my whole day with still no text. Okay. I'm scared now. I'm scared. So the next day, he's not there. I text him like usual, telling him about my day in this short of limbo. The next day, he's still not there and I'm terrified at this point. I wake up and im instantly waiting by the phone until 2-4pm (neglecting my classes a bit), I'm stressed and anxious and I'm fighting panick attacks and voices and visual hallucinations. The next day, he's not there and I get so bad that I start fearing for my life a little. I needed up buying some really strong calming Ashwaganda + Magnesium Glycinate gummies on Amazon and downloaded Void Pets + Mediation and Sleep therapy apps to help regulate.
I was especially terrified, because, I don't know man, you can't tell a girl you're scared of things repeating and then say you used to SH to get your crush attention and then leave?? But guess what, he's not there for two more days.
He leaves me for six whole days. Meanwhile I'm texting him, deleting my texts to not overwhelm him, convinced that I must be overwhelming him or I'm wrong or I'm the problem. I felt crushed, heartbroken, and punished. I would daydream us being together at night and I would look at all his pictures and reread our conversation. I was so terrified of getting things wrong, I couldn't read the comforting messages I sent to him because I was scared and convinced that they sent him over the edge.
My messages were paragraphs, but they were short and they were basically (in summary) "That's sounds extremely rough, I'm here for you. My feelings about you havent changed. Don't beat yourself up so much that was like five years ago. It was a horrible thing to do, but you have to remember that you are" yadadada and he also was shaming himself and he said something like "I haven't even told her I did that to myself" it was just really horrible. I was fully prepared to handle his fears as his partner, I wasn't afraid of what he had did. I would've listened to him go on and on about until the late hours (for him), he needed the support desperately. He's a stiff man, he doesn't talk about his feelings much, he's been hurt so much so badly yet he can't seem to trust himself. Even whole he was telling me all this he limited his messages to 1-4 sentences.
I love him, I don't want him to hurt all alone.
But by the morning of the six day, no text or nothing, I made up my mind to leave him. I said if he didn't text me or message me at all by 6 pm it would be completely over. Around 2 pm I felt a wave of overwhelming heartbreak, I felt weak like he was killed infront of me. I couldn't keep working, I left my computer and laid on my bed and listened to our song on loop. On my third play, my eyes were clear enough to see that I got a notification from him 49 minutes ago. I was so happy but at the same time I had this weird and undefined bad emotion. I think it was rage and confusion and hurt..
But I checked his message and it was something like "Hello, I took some time for myself. I don't ever want to relive those memories ever again. Did some thinking etc etc. I'm sorry that I left you. That was really egotistical of me and etc etc. I promise you I'll read every message you wrote, and listen to every voice note you sent. I'm going to take a break for three more days."
And I just felt so angry but happy. I felt like I needed to be happy but I was so angry.
I sent him a message at first all like "I hate you so much (playfully) I'm so glad you're back, ofc take time for yourself. I love you, you don't have to relive any of that... take your break but ill be real mad at you" and some more lighthearted jokes-- when suddenly anger just bursted out of me. I sent like four paragraphs after that basically telling him how much this hurt me, how much I couldn't believe he ghosted me because he didn't want to relive those memories, how angry I was for him shutting me out and punishing me like that, how he burned me badly by doing so. I said something like "I don't care that you're hurting alone when we could've hurt together, instead of us both hurting alone because you pushed me out" and I said something like. "I hope you're not taking those few days because you're scared to face me and you're waiting to your fear dies out to face me"/something about him running from his emotions.
Then I started getting really heartbroken and sad again and was like, "no please I didn't mean it please don't take that break I won't be able to handle it if you take that break. I hope you respond in the next hour or two, I need you to respond. I need you. Please come back, the love I used to feel for you is quickly becoming overweighed by the pain you inflicted on me"
My messages were really long and I kept going and going once I realized that he wasn't going to reply. The summary I made above was the very last thing I wrote before limbo derealization all day. He didn't even text me back that day man. The next day I had a keratin appointment at 2 pm, and I have a very tender head so I needed to be collected so I wouldn't have a breakdown in the chair. But out of stress I woke up at 8 am and checked my phone and he messaged me.
He said smth like: "I'm sorry if this seems half assed I'm really drained reading all of those messages. It hurts me to hear that me taking a break for myself burned you like that. I didn't have to be this serious. I know it's impossible for you to not take me serious."
I felt rage.
I don't remember what I said but it was defeated and short.
And then I think went "You know what fine. You're right. I'm too attached to you, I'll work on fixing that."
Then he went "No I'm sorry, don't change yourself for me. I don't know what's fully wrong with me, you shouldn't change for me."
I said something like "Okay. I'm going to bed now."
He said "Goodnight my [nickname]"
I was going to distance myself and not be a partner to him anymore. I wasn't going to respond as quick as I used to do, I wasn't going to reply for hours at a time, I was going to put him on the back burner and message him whenever I felt like it. But when I woke up that morning at 11 am or so he sent me a song (he's not good with his words at all), and said something like
"Here I am returning to you like a lost puppy," or something like that but rlly shameful towards himself. I don't remember what he said, it was both aggravating and pitiful. Then I watched him type and decided I'd listen to the song. It was Sleepwalking? I think that's the name of the song? It was like "You left me miserable" or something but it kinda made me really angry. It was sort of insensitive but I gave him the benefit of the doubt cause, yk, I'm still his partner.
And he said, finally, "You were kind of cold last night. I spent the whole day worried and stressed out of my mind. I finally understand how you must've felt while I was gone."
It made me angry. I wanted to spit and curse and go "you haven't felt a fraction of what you did to me"
I don't remember the rest of what he said or even if he said anything else. But the conversation went
Me: "Oh hey." Him: "Hello." "I listened to the song you sent. I didn't expect you to text me. I'm glad." "I'm glad you responded." "Yeah." "Yeah" "Ive got a keratin appointment in 40 minutes" "Oh. Alright. We will talk another time." That made me angry. I wanted to shut him out. "We've got time to talk now don't we?" "Yes. We do." Him again: "Is that Ellie as your pfp?" Me, a little annoyed: "Yeah. She's cool." "I agree." "Yeah. Sorry. I didn't think you'd text me" I get all teary eyed and sad but still tryinf to redirect back to the emotional part of the argument "I don't want to think about what would've happened if I didnt." I felt kind of rejected again. I wanted to talk about my emotions. I want to talk about my pain. I wanted justice for it
And then we got all lovey and dovey and he promised to text me everyday and stuff and stuff, check up on me. Send me more pictures of his cats. He said some notable things like, "I'd do it all if it meant you'd keep being yourself around me," & "You don't know how happy you make me. I don't say it enough."
He doesn't.
Before I left was I like "Um [nickname], can I say the L word?" (A running joke of ours) and he said "I'm not so sure if I'm ready to say it back" I felt disappointed and hurt, "No no, don't say it if you're not ready. Okay? I love you" and he got all giggly
He was saying good morning to me, sending me his pets, and replying to my msgs for a good while. I think I started to feel scared and self conscious and I didn't know how to talk to him or if I was keeping him entertained. I still didn't feel like he loved me, I didn't feel loved the way I wanted to. It felt like obligation. I didn't feel that he told me he loved me enough, or that he complimented me enough. Or that he talked to me enough. But he fore warned me in March that he gets really busy in June cause he has to help out in his parent's giant garden farm. So I chalked it up to him being busy but I didn't feel loved at all.
I told him that (I don't remember when on the timeline but it was recent) that I hated when he took breaks cause it felt like he was punishing me. I think we talked about this @ 8 am b4 my keratin. I said to him, "if u told me u loved me more or complimented me more or forewarned me before u took any breaks then I wouldn't worry if he was hurting me or not cause I'd know that u weren't." And he basically said something like "oh I think it's your anxiety, you know that I love you. I have no reason to be angry at you. I don't think I'd ever be angry at you. No I won't. I love you, you know that. Why would I ever be angry at you? Geninue question." (Paraphrased + out of ordebad memory)
I was foggy and conflicted and confused, but through my pain I trusted him. I said, you know what maybe it is my anxiety. Even though it hurts me every morning, and I wake up with a spiked blood pressure because of this guy and the abandonment issues he gave me.
Oh yeah but anyways things get sort of smooth again. But ny anxiousness grows as I start to feel like he's only doing this out of obligation or that he'd tired of me. This week/month we weren't able to talk at all, it was like I'd wake up to his messages, respond, go my whole day and aleep, and then he'd wake up and then respond, go his whole day, then I'd wake up and respond. Aka not very affective or loving communication after ghosting me for 6 days. But I chalked it up to him being busy and doing farm stuff and taking his courses.
But the day before the big ordeal that lead me to break up with him, I finally caught him and we had our first real conversation since our 10 days of one comment a day stuff. And I said hi and he said hi and I felt like I didn't remember how to actually tall to him anymore. I don't know, his language judt felt kind of uncomfortable. He quickly said, "I'm just responding to your messages before I get back to studying" it kind of felt like he didn't want to talk at all ans not for long. It hurt, I'd always put aside my studying for him because he deserved my time. I'd prolong it because we're LD and our timezones don't match, and I know how valuable, limited, and special our time was. But he couldn't even stop studying just for a little while?
We said like 3 things before he suddenly stopped replying and ghosted me for the day. I guess he went back to studying and didn't even say goof bye.
But the next day I was hearing about people talk about their partners and having intimacy with them and I felt this overwhelming urge to confess my sexual desire of him. Despite everything, from February-early April (when things were once lovely) I felt a strong sexual attraction to him. He was gentle and trustworthy and he opened up to me and he made me feel safe and he was really funny and sweet. My favorite thing about him was how respectful and gentle he was with me, he called me his queen in his language and he used to be so attentive of me. I think all that stopped when he realized he had to put in more effort with me and that I was serious and that I drained him.
Also another thing that he used to do that hurt me was that he would tell me get got drained from reading my texts. I talk a lot I'm a flim nerd ans I've got many hyperfixafions. Back in our February-March phase, I once told him about whales and dolphins ans manta rays for two hours and he listened to all of it with feedback and commentary and giggles and laughs. I showed him all my whale memorabilia, and I even included pictured of all the whales and animals I was talking about. He giggled and he called me a nerd but he read it all. But then April-May, I sent him a blurb about this book I was writing and he went "Whoa that's a lot" and then ghosted me. I don't think he ever read it
People tell me all the time that I talk too much but I find what I have to say very interesting and fun. Since I was a kid everyone told me that they hated to hear me speak, it really messes with my psyche a lot.
Sometimes I think they're right but I remember I once rambled about whatever I wanted to a total stranger for 4 hrs while he gamed and he loved every second of it. He told me to start a podcast, it was very sweet. Then I also think of my best friend of two years who would call me and talk for hours until our eyes couldn't even stay open anymore. We'd be playing a video game and then completely forget and just talk to eachother the entire time. I remember that my best friend also loved to hear about my writing, even the fanfiction I made he even wanted to read it and create his own. I remember how he quickly asked me to send him a copy of my unfinished book so he'd read it with his own eyes instead of me tell it to him in rambles. He asked why he hadn't met my family yet even though i met a bunch of his through the phone, and how he introduced me to his baby sister.
He did this thing that whenever I made my voice all soft and babyish he'd fo it back and I felt safe. I do that voice all the time with my older sister, mom, and brother, and I'm used to strangers not really liking it all that much but he didn't mind. He did it back to me, and he never got angry at me. He certainly didn't ghost me. I realized that the problem wasn't me.
But still I trusted my partner, and I made a reddit post about how I wanted to tell him how he makes me feel. I was groomed, and as a Christian, the concept of sex I'd very scary to me. But I trusted that he'd be able to have a mature conversation with me. I'd imagine the conversation excitedly in my head as I went to sleep, I knew he'd take care of me like he used to do back in February and March.
But He ghosted me for 24hrs after I texted him "Um, (nickname). I feel sexually attracted to you, is that normal?" It was a perfect response to me, it captured my personality, it followed our running joke (um, [nickname]. I [insert something intimate] 🤓☝️☝️), but it also allowed him to give his perspective in it.
I had a panick attack that night. I was scared because I am a Christian and I feel sexual attraction (I know it's not bad, but I was spiraling I couldn't get myself to think clear). I was scared because I was groomed multiple times, I was scared that I was hurting and overwhelming him.
Then I sort of snapped out of it. (Thanks to daily affirmations with voidpets. I'm not joking voidpets was a life saver pls download it). I could hear "You can trust your body to handle these emotions" in my head, and I slowly started to overcome it.
When I finally calmed my mind, my heart was still beating so fast that it hurt me physically. It lasted a couple hours after I did it. I realized I wasn't going to sleep so I texted my partner that I was having a panic attack and that I'd be up all night. (Inviting him to talk to me).
When I woke up, he didn't message me. So I went into limbo and kept talking as if nothing ever happened. I talked about Joost and Sea lions and sea leopards. A funny conversation.
But then the anxiety started kicking in again I started my cycle of spiraling until he messaged me again when I snapped out of it again. I could hear my affirmations in my head telling me that I did not deserve this. I sent him a text saying "Hey, can we talk. I know you saw my message" (he definitely did he was texting me every single day out of obligation), "I know you need your breaks. But A simple, "Hey (Name), that was a lot and I don't feel the same way." Would have been nice. But I won't speak for you. Talk to me, I won't know what's going on unless you let me in"
And then I wait for a response and I don't get one and I started spiraling.
Finally I snapped and stood up for myself.
"I can't do this etc etc" and then I blocked him. I don't remember all of what I said when I broke up with him but I definitely was too kind towards him with it. I said we love differently and that's okay and we need to find partners that fit us. And etc etc etc.
I took care of myself all day and I felt was light as a feather when I woke up. I played video games w my best friend and he invited one of his friends and I had a really great time.
Sometimes I get really guilty about blocking him and how he didn't deserve it. But he didn't care about me when he ghosted me left and right?
I'm so angry I want to curse him out and scream. I can't afford medication but I eas willing to be medicated to fit into his lifestyle, but ever since leaving him my psychosis has melted away into thin air. I don't wake up with adrenaline or with a heart that's pounding so hard I feel it swelling, or get scared or worried everytime I get a text message.
I spent 73 days learning his language for him, researching his country's culture, listening to music in his language. Listening to his weird music taste and remembering all these little things about his parents, his siblings, his favorite things, so much. So much love I gave him unconditionally.
I remember whenever I communicated that I felt unloved or that was scared or anxious that he'd tell me that I was just being anxious, that I should tell my close friends about it, or that I was draining him. He'd say I feel drained I have to go, and I'd be understanding compassionate and tell he to take care of himself. And he'd tell me to take care of myself. Now that I think about it, he wasn't teaching me to love myself cause he's so gentle-- he forced me too with how little attention he gave me. He gaslit me and made me feel crazy man. I spent hours researching love languages and relationship coaching and therapy books and YouTube videos to make myself a better girlfriend.
I told him about my Dad's abuse on the family throughout the years and how I hated him. I seeked for his comfort, he never could really make me feel better just more confused. He didn't comfort me good, not the way I did for him. I looked for him after nightmares, I told him I couldn't fall asleep without him there.
I was going to say I want revenge but I don't care, and it makes me so happy that I don't care. I'm going to enjoy spending time with myself, I'm having so much more fun now. It hurts, but I've been babying myself all day like how I wanted to be loved by him and it makes me feel good. It's this weird intimacy that I've never had with myself before but it makes me feel so happy. I pet my own hair and I call myself cute nicknames, I cuddle my pillow and tell myself to relax because "I'll take care of me".
I want to unblock him and talk to him but the idea of waiting for a response from him is too terrifying. Should I try to fix things? I still love him and his culture & language, and we always make great conversation. I'm incredibly stressed out, I don't know what to do. I feel I'm overplaying how bad he was sometimes, he was really sweet to me and tried his best.
Maybe I blocked him too abruptly, we were doing well up until that point.
I know he loves me it's just that he's avoidantly attached, but still I hate the ghosting. He's not ready for a relationship. He's just a scared kid like I am, we're just figuring this life out. But the idea of being back with him is comforting and incredibly stressful and scary
When I think about the music we used to listen to and all his pictures I kind of want to go back to how things were when we were good. He's the only person I've ever been sexually attracted to, and I want that back. I want to relax with him, but as I type this out I dont think I was ever able to fully relax with him. I wanted to explore aexual intimacy with him. I guess I need to let that go.
I just think of him being alone and crying over me and it hurts. Help?

When your partner says they have to walk on egg shells with u....yet I have to with them they take my words and really hurt mirrors them

So we recently got together it will be 2 months next week, he is the sweetest person I knew and he still is quite sweet. He had a crush on me for so long and finally, we got together because I lowkey liked him too because he was a nice guy very sweet. But now it had just been only 2 months in a relationship and technically he isn't putting any effort into us, if he is I think it's the bare minimum, like calling up and texting morning and night. It is always me initiating dates and even if I ask him to take charge like u pick where we go in the end it's just me planning. Fine not his cup of tea, but even tho he had a crush on me I'm the one more obsessed with him rn and his efforts aren't just matching. I showed him how I liked flowers he never got me any ... for our first month's anniversary I got him an artificial rose packed up and put a photo of us inside it, it wasn't even hidden if he looked at it once or twice he would notice but after 2 days when I told him did he even see the rose that's when he saw it and his reaction was a smile ( which is cute) and that's it.
even in the beginning of the relationship, there were certain things we set one of it was to not to talk to a girl for more than 5 min and this guy 2 weeks in is talking to her on the phone and telling me 3 days later and saying convincing me that he had told me same day which he didn't, and secondly only after me crying and communicating with him did he block her. note- he does tend to forget stuff that's why I'm not holding him accountable but at the same time him forgetting stuff related to me makes me sad. Yes, we have talked about it and he gets upset at himself (because he does like me ) for forgetting stuff.....it still hurts? not just about material things that he doesn't get me stuff I know that's my way of showing love, but there are certain things I like when he does them and he stops like hand placement I told him I like it this way which he was doing unconsciously otherwise, after telling him I liked it he stopped? Plus we talked more about such stuff which I like but he stopped doing that as well.
The thing is he does stuff what I tell him to - do this! then he'll do it. But if I say I like this, he won't notice. I want him to u know notice stuff about me as well without me commanding him to do things for him... Does he not feel like doing it on his own.
I mean I am currently only thinking about how both of us are not matching up in this aspect.....
I know I have high expectations from our relationship am I being too harsh on him ? I don't know how to deal with this... I can see it's not going to go far this relation that is if this keeps up. Help me out peeps
note- I have talked about this with him and he said I will remember things about you and continues to forget then I try to communicate again and seeing him get disappointed with himself makes me feel sad so I don't pursue it further

TOO LENGTHY STORY BUT I WOULD BE SUPER GRATEFUL IF YALL CARED TO TAKE UR TIME OUT AND HELPED ME OUT OF THIS:(
idk how to interpret what my heart is going thro atm after 1.3 yrs of rls but all what i feel is pure baffleness and anxiety. im so stuck that leaving him or even thinking about him is making me feel guilty about something ive never done and thoughts like he loves me tirelessly so how would he live without me? i just wanna pour all my love to him even if im not at peace and always feeling like all what is happening is wrong, wrong for my mental health and my personal wellbeing as i think i would no longer be able to give him love as heartfully as i did.
its just am at a point in which him expressing his love for me, his random ilys or some cheesy goofy talks arent giving me the same happiness it used to give in the past. there are multiple reasons which mightve led to this one of which includes him having girls on his sc even after controlling my whole uni life and keeping me away from boys, i literally broke friendships avoided people and being a bad character in my life just for the sake of us but when i discovered him doing something which was firslty not allowed to me and secondly it was what i didnt felt right about as every rls has dynamics and it just didnt matched ours.
the main issue which gave us a rough patch was when we were on my bday lunch date, my intuition was sensing something is happening fishy behind my back since our last 2 3 meetups as he always refused to give his phone in my hands even tho so far i didnt found something that if he is cheating on me but whatever it is its still so strange not to share with me about his snapchat female friends i wouldve been angry if he wouldve told me but later i wouldve accepted and wouldve asked for the sam permission which i did in our biggest fight last week. in the samefight last week he gave a reasoning that i didnt told u cause 'i didnt wanted to have male friends too blah blah' why tf he was having girls? even tho the vague explanation he gave me was just like we dont even talk and they re just friends. i dont even open their snaps, they were present before you and he even sweared upon it that he got nothing with 'em and that date day after i saw everything was ruined and the only thing i was wanting at that stage was my 2 female friends and their shoulder to cry upon as honestly my lord knows how much of uni life i sacrificed for him and totally alienated yet stopped myself from doing things he didnt wanted me to. that same day he promised me that he would block yet remove all of them but in the last meetup which was on this saturday, i asked him to see his sc all cause of my strong intuition as i had a gut feeling that things are still the same, he firstly hesitated a bit and started becoming goofy just to stop me but nvm i managed to see his sc which he showed himself whilst the phone was still in his hands and thats the point which made me sus and i wasnt satisfied then i managed to ask him to see for the second time and he with his strange guilty-felt behaviour showed me, i then immediately clicked on search bar as convos can be cleared frm mainscreen so yea there i found bunch of girls in that bsf list and this broke me hella hard and at that v moment i wasnt able to accept it as he himself said that theyre removed but nvm they werent which i discovered after he left as at that time i had initiall shock and he was about to leave so yea-
one more thing to add that i saw more than 2 girls there but he denied means he partially accepted and said theyre the same people on his insta and were only 2 but as far as i rmr they werent and yk the fact that he was so proud and wasnt accepting until i told him to screenshare on which he tried to hide but i caught him eventually as he scrolled so fast and said see theres noone and stopped the screen but still as God wanted me to show me so after he screen shared again, one person was left to be unfriended which he might missed and thats how i caught him.
the question is my tears doesnt matter? and him who actually accepted his mistake at the first encounter time and was literally like that 'ik im wrong ishouldnt have done it, i shouldve known how much it would hurt u' but still repeating the same thing and letting them there is something which didnt satisfied me till this date as are those girls that much imp? am i not the priority? my feelings or anything? still while writing this im like he loves me endlessly and im literally his bestie his partner and just everything so how can i leave him but tbvh since then im not feeling happy and its just my heart isnt permitting me.. fb searches/visits of 3 4 girls profiles etc etc that has been happening like multiple times upon which he never admitted rather always putted me in guilt that i dont trust him... even after our fight which was presumbly the last one as i had enough of his toxic behaviour(didnt knew it was until i shared everything with bestie) which idk is masculinity or claiming behaviour but ive always loved that and never even for once humiliated or said to him that im interrogating him or being so rude when angry or in guilt ive always been the one who said sorry as i want to save us all cause he loved me so much and we both did alot but idk after this above issue i lost trust and i was hurt to the core as it hurt me so bad and he still managed to manipulate me and i didnt left. but for the first time ever in that fight i had my dominancy as he was guilty of something and i was expressing all what i had even tho im still not satisfied after his reasonings and the conclusion we made after that fight was that i made him promise me that he needs to proove himself and win my trust back again which he promised and told dont leave me and was later crying on vc which broke me as he told at that same time his father scolded him so bad and he was so weak at that moment that i felt pity yet the urge to fly over to him and calm him down as he was like im not a good bf nor a son. its just idk what im writing but i love him sfm that i just cant even if it involves sacrificing my mental health as in the past i was being tortured with words hella alot if boys even came in my convo or slightly involved in my uni life and the end was always me crying hard and loosing sleep. iwas in the circle then but now as i managed to see frm outside ,after i told it all to my soulsis my bestie, it feels so unfair.
even to mention that day's timeline was him crying, begging me to stay, having that anxiety attack after thinking his life without me all whilst being in my arms when i told him that maybe im loosing feelings for him (whose reason was the words he said to me when we had a fight after discovering that fb thing which he promised he wont do again.) and that sameday i discovered that sc thing for the second time and us having a big argument abt it as i asked for space etc but he was later able to convince me not to leave.
then certain re-ignition yet being head over heels over someone in my uni whom i liked as a person he was since last 6 months but i never had that strong feeling of love (idk what it is but my bestfr says that its love) until lastweek out of nowhere which made my situation super worse maybe it was after the prayer i made to Lord that give me whats better for me so maybe he paved ways and gave signs as since then things are developing between him and i and ik he loves me too but at the same time we both are hiding and unable to accept as he got goals maybe and im loyal to my bf... we never even for once flirted but its just the eyes and heart and how genuinely i speak about him which changes it all, the fact that we dont even have interaction as much as i always limited it till studies and he is a very gentleman type of person so yea i hope it makes sense even my bestfr says the same that maybe he is the one u deserve but nvm i cantt leave my bf and it would be hella hard as he is highly dependent on my love which i want to give yet i cant even imagine my life without him and he literally knows everything about me, we planned our eveything together, his whole fam knows and its been a long time we planned a long term thing but most importantly i dont want to hurt anyone thro my existence neither him nor that university boy. thats literally the last thing i want and now im stuck condemning myself that its all my fault to feel this way about that uni boy and still loving my bf.
and due to some sort of developments and the convo with that uni boy is getting bit more comfortable, my besties adviced me that they think i should rather let him know that im in a rls otherwise he would get hurt but what if he judged my character and stopped talking to me afterwards? but nvm my friend told me to avoid him and whenever our convo goes out of studies i shouldnt.
im super stuck to what to do and my heart isnt at peace even its so hard to reply to his love txts and im feeling literally so bad about it as im constantly having that urge to cry whenever we talk, which is like alot yk as we're always on vcs or talking thro txts, cause he loves me and now i lost my feelings for him its just idk what my heart wants, im such a bad human a bad gf and ijdk what in this fucking world my heart wants me to do, maybe i would never be happy in my life ever. im having a hard time letting things sway.. trust is there but its been ruined previously and the fact im so attached which is making me unable to take a decision as i love him but at the same time having feelings about someone else but i cant even think abt leaving him as am severely stuck . idk the ways of how to tackle with my situation.
ill appreciate that u made it till here, i got very bad explanatory skills but i hope atleast u mightve got an idea of my situation and i would be super glad to yalls advices as im literally suffering so bad. i need ur help and how to cope up with this situation.
PLS MENTION ME IN UR PRAYERS:)
ILY GUYSS

Cross-posted from AOAIBetrayeds. AOAIBetrayeds is an online peer support group and safe space reserved for betrayed individuals who are considering, actively attempting to, or have reconciled after infidelity. If you feel you would benefit from a more private supportive sub for only betrayed people, message the mods at AOAIBetrayeds or send me a DM.
It's been 2 months since I posted an update so I think it is time.
Context: Me: 59m. Her: 55f. Married 33 years, together 36. WW had a full on EA bookended with multiple sexual PA's (1 in Dec, 2022 and 3 in Sept, 2023 (last 2 on Dday). She then pretended to go NC with AP for an additional 5 months which created Dday #2 in February. Read my story and updates using my profile for posts if you want to see background.
https://www.reddit.com/useDiscardbobulated/submitted/
NO ADVICE PLEASE: Just like last time I posted, and the time before that, I am processing all of this stuff, and working with my therapist and my support group closely, so I will ask for advice only when I think I need it and when I think I am ready to receive it. Right now, I just thought I’d post an update for those who might be following along or anyone for whom my story resonates. I hope you’re OK.
I can use reassurance. I have asked for no advice because I am all full-up with advice that I am taking and utilizing. More and/or different advice will potentially muddy my process and have my approach blurred. Reassurance though? Bring it on. We all need it. Sometimes directly and sometimes just by being here and reading the stories of others. Reassure me.
As many of you know, I was dealt a huge blow the day after Valentine’s Day. That’s 3 months ago today for those of you keeping track. My wife, with whom I was 5.5 months into ‘reconciliation’ with, came clean and told me that she was still in contact with her AP for the entirety of that span of time.
The revelation of The Big Lie as I refer to it now, even with my wife, was in incredibly damaging hit to the idea of reconciliation. It was as shattering, if not MORE shattering as the original affair revelation. Big lies, little lies, untruths, the masking of truth, the omission of truth…all are devastating to the traumatized betrayed. If you know anything of the effects of trauma (as most of you do I am sure), you know that each lie usually triggers a trauma response, and each trauma response piles into a vast storage area in your brain where it pools and stays ready to fuck you up every time it’s poked. And mine was poked A LOT in the last 3 months. A LOT.
I started the ‘last 3 months’ phase of this journey with this huge setback that was The Big Lie. It reset our progress to zero in some cases. If you look at some things, like my ability to control the PTSD events, then that progress was still in effect. (I was still able to recognize the PTSD event coming on and sometimes get control of it before spiraling out of control). If you look at the timeline of physical sexual events, that didn’t change. If you take into account all the books and articles read, all the podcasts and audiobooks listened to, and all the hours spend by me in IC, then then those items were (mostly) still intact.
But you know what was now absolutely fucking GONE?
~T R U S T~
I had spent that first 5.5 months learning to trust again as we were working our way through reconciliation. You can look back at my post history prior to February, 2024 and see a solid progression of trust being built, of confidence being regained, and of affection, sexuality, appreciation, and friendship being rebuilt.
ALL of that was 100% GONE in ONE moment. GONE.
LIES are destructive. Secondary Dday lies like this one are DEEPLY destructive.
Trust is often cited as the most important ingredient in a personal relationship. How can we even begin to consider something as gigantic as a marriage reconciliation when trust has been completely blown up? I don’t have an answer to that. I am looking for it.
You know what was also lost at the point of the revelation of The Big Lie?
Hope. Optimism. Self-esteem. Admiration. Lust. Attraction. Affection. All gone.
My feelings of these things were returning in slivers over those 5.5 months after Dday and now they were just GONE.
Replacing these feelings were different feelings I had. Now I was feeling: Helpless. Worthless. Inadequate. Unloved. Betrayed. Devastated. Like a Chump. Belittled. Emasculated. Unworthy. Ugly. Undesirable …and incredibly MANIPULATED.
She had spent this time manipulating me into complacency while she continued to carry on her affair in the form of regular communication with ‘her friend’ AP. They talked on the phone regularly, texted regularly. All the while she was putting forth what I THOUGHT was EFFORT into our reconciliation, but was really just a collection of actions that were meant to placate me.
The Fake R time, as I now know it, included: I love you’s. Hand holding. Sex. Apologies. Forward thinking. Plans. I was feeling like PROGRESS was happening. I was still experiencing the PTSD events. Still having times when I would lash out in anger at her for what she had done, but those awful things were decreasing in intensity and frequency and I was thankful for that.
I was able to see what reconciliation looks like.
Only I wasn’t. It was all a sham. Now that she is not in contact with him (I hope and believe), she has stopped the hand holding (mostly). Not one ‘I love you’ in the past 3 months. The hugs I used to get now feel like the hugs you’d give a kid with a scraped knee. The feeling of being wanted and being on a path to something better has been obliterated. And sex? 2-3 times a week during the Fake R has become 1 time in the last 3 months.
So now, after the revelation of The Big Lie I am left with a VERY odd feeling. A feeling like what I WANT BACK is the pre-Big-Lie actions. The ‘I Love You’s’, the hand holding, the sex…
But since I now know these as things that were done to manipulate me, I really DON’T want them back. What I want is something that I have not yet seen: An honest reconciliation and the actions that come with that. And now that my mind has suffered the mind-fuck rollercoaster of the last 8 months, I don’t even know what honest reconciliation looks like. My perception is fucked up. I no longer can think accurately about this stuff because of the gaslighting. It’s hard to even describe the feeling of disconnection with my own reality.
A METAMORPHOSIS The changes in how she was treating me now that she no longer has AP in her back pocket as a ‘friend’ to talk to are stark. She has expressed that the sex was just to placate me. That she can’t feel good about US anymore because she doesn’t have knowledge of how HE is doing anymore. She cannot “live her good life” with me because she doesn’t know if HE is able to “have a good life”. She is NO CONTACT with him, but clearly some of her still has a connection to him. That hurts.
During these last 3 months I have gone from non-functioning to confused to (almost) accepting. Along the way I have passed ANGRY, DEVASTATED, DEFEATED, and a hundred other negative emotions.
I also spent nearly all of my time doing what ALL us betrayeds do. I tried to get her to UNDERSTAND MY PAIN. I wanted her to really know what she has done to me. Not just what she did with the affair, but with the aftermath of the affair and the 5.5 months that I was trying to regain trust in her and she was faking R with me so that she could continue her EA with HIM. I was CONSTANTLY wanting her to HURT because I thought that if she could HURT like I HURT then she could understand my pain and come to really know what it is she has done. And if she could get to THAT place, then surely she would finally find the shame and guilt that I think she deserves to bear.
The problem is that even with all my effort to explain to her in words, in mental breakdowns, in PTSD trauma events, in triggers, sadness, crying and constant malaise, nothing was changing.
She wasn’t displaying any of the remorse, guilt and shame that I want from her. She wasn’t giving me any of the actions or words she was giving me during Fake R. She wasn’t holding my hand. She wasn’t saying I love you. She wasn’t touching me or having sex with me. She was just enduring my wrath.
During the last time that I sat with her and had a Q&A about how she could do this and all the same questions that I have asked before and my saying again how hurt I was and how it was ALL HER FAULT and how I thought she should feel SHAME I ended up feeling a little tranquil. I felt like maybe I had told her enough times. I didn’t know if she fully understood like I wanted her to but I thought that we were at a place where MORE of this was going to do NOTHING. After all, almost 3 months of it hadn’t YET produced anything, why would MORE have any potential for positive progress.
So I had a thought. What if I just treated her nicely? What if I stopped with the finger wagging and the name calling and the ‘why me’s’ and the angry lashing out. What if I instead tried to hold HER hand occasionally? What if I just WASN’T adversarial? Could that help? Could that get her to see me differently? Could that get ME to see me differently? Could that reset my mind and get me out of the victim moment and into some undefined type of recovery?
I wondered to myself if I had it in myself to let those things go. I wondered if I was CAPABLE of not being so fucking angry at her for what she had done. I mean, we both are clearly aware of what she has done and what it has caused in me, so I don’t have to restate that over and over and over again, DO I?
I took this question with me to IC.
IC reframed it in a way that resonated with me somehow. She said: “Look, you’ve spent a lot of time ‘spinning’, trying to make heads or tails of your predicament. Trying to get her to love you again. Trying to find connection with her. Why? Because you love her. Isn’t that the entire point? If you want to reconcile with her the end goal is for you to love one another again because you love her, right?” She said: “Why don’t you try showing her your true self? The self that loves her. The self that wants reconciliation because you love her. Maybe start with small things? Don’t go crazy and drive yourself nuts with a huge reversal from anger and hurt to loving and wonderful. Instead just don’t hurl negativity all the time. Relax instead. Act like reconciliation is under way in order to see if that action can initiate a real reaction.”
In other words, release the Restraining Bolt that keeps you in the stew of anger and contempt and head off to find a crazy old wizard and your path to freedom from the tyranny of self-pity.
Interesting.
This made SOME sense to me, and partly made sense to me because of the way I was FEELING. It would NOT have made sense to me 2 months ago, or even a week ago. It makes sense to me because of where I am NOW. A shift in gears from the anger and hatred to something more nurturing. Not a full tack. More of a subtle lane change. (sorry to mix my motoring and sailing metaphors).
So this is where I am now. I made the decision in my head to move over into this other lane. I did this less than 36 hours ago. I have not yet determined if this has been beneficial or not. I feel anxious. Of course I didn’t NOT feel anxious in that other lane, so this is a wash. I have not yet experienced any super-positive changes to my own attitude. I have no idea if she has even noticed. I hope she has and I intend to ask her if she has when we go see our marriage counselor today.
T I M E
My support group has told me that time is my friend. That only time will allow my wife to recognize that she truly is the villain in her own story. To have her really understand that SHE is the cause of all of this. For her to recognize also that her AP is not the needy ‘good guy’ that weaseled his way into her psyche, but the manipulative fuck that we all know he is. TIME. Time also for me to be able to release the anger like I have been attempting to do over the last couple days. Time for me to ponder how I can find my own self esteem again and really shed my feelings of inadequacy and ugliness (among others). Time for WW and I to possibly find some bonding time and make some memories that are not anger and sorrow and self pity and….
“She’s fast enough for you, old man.” I guess she is. That’s what they tell me. Essentially the theme of this slow-burn reconciliation thing. That if she is showing ANY progress, then that is the progress that we as betrayeds need to embrace. ANYTHING is “fast enough” because you cannot speed this process up. You will never do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. Not gonna happen. 1-5 years is what they say reconciliation takes for it to be complete if it makes it to complete. I have told myself to give it at least 3. My hope is that I will feel a shift from tentative to optimism at some point along the way and that will give my brain the jump to light speed that it needs for me to relax and feel safe again.
This ‘update’ doesn’t predict a future. I have no preconceived ideas about how this might pan out. I just thought that an update could be beneficial.
Beneficial to ME in my selfish need for some validation of where I am and what I’m going through. For ME to be able to try to get it all on ‘paper’ so that I can help myself try to understand where I am. For ME to see a progression, no matter how up-and-down it has been.
Beneficial for OTHERS who may have a story like mine or PARTIALLY like mine who will be able to see themselves in this writing and be able to feel less alone. Beneficial maybe to all of us who might have a Bad Motivator.
Thanks for reading, my fucked up comrades. Sorry you are here in this sub. It’s a truly shitty place to need to be. I appreciate all of you. Without this sub and the people in it I think I might literally not be around. Here’s to you and your futures. May you find some peace.
Fuck these affairs.

DC Next Proudly Presents:

The Linear Men

Issue Twenty:Family Reunion
Written by Dwright5252
Edited by Predaplant

< Prev. Next Issue > Coming Next Month


The Waverider
When she was growing up, Deirdre Harkness often thought about how things might’ve been different in her household if she had an older brother to take the brunt of her father’s attention. How her path through life could have been vastly different, her rap sheet a little more… non-existent.
Now that such a brother seemingly existed, albeit from another Earth altogether, she was starting to realize that maybe she was fine being an only child.
“Listen, this’ll go a lot faster if you stop being so obtuse, Deirdre,” Owen Mercer scowled, twirling one of his razor-sharp boomerangs deftly between his fingers as he paced the deck of the Waverider. Deirdre sat in the hot seat, the Linear Men staring at her on one side while her current and former romantic partners stood on the other. The multiversal children of Digger Harkness faced off in the middle, neither seeming to want to give any inch in their argument.
“Look, I’m just sayin’ I’d be able to find my friends better without some drongo stealing my schtick,” she responded casually, moving to take a boomerang of her own from her bandolier before remembering the new time cops had confiscated all her weapons. “Surely Jenny Sparks has someone better to send along.”
Was she being difficult? Absolutely. Was this petty argument preventing her from saving her missing teammates? Undoubtedly.
Did she want to take this pretender down a peg? You know it.
“Perhaps we can arrive at some kind of accord, beloved,” Ystin interjected, placing a hand on Deirdre’s shoulder. “I understand how jarring seeing this knave must be, but our comrades in arms are lost to time. Other priorities must take precedence.”
Sighing deeply, Deirdre fell back into the chair behind her, irked that this modified timeline removed all the progress she’d made in molding the chair to fit her form. She could see Liri wince at the force she had used to enter the chair, and felt a little bad about that.
God, she could be selfish sometimes.
“Fine. Fine, I’ll be a good sheila now. What is your plan, oh fearless brother o’ mine?” She felt the tension in the room let up slightly, and Ystin gave her a grateful smile.
Owen pulled out another boomerang of his and started pressing the buttons on it. A projection appeared, seemingly the timeline they were currently in. Biting back her instincts to make fun of her brother’s projecto-rang, she sat back and listened as he began to point at the timeline. “As you can see, this is the current stream that we’re in. You can see these discolorations,” he explained, pointing at the shades of red appearing in the mostly blue timeline, “that indicate the anomalies you’re normally after. Sure, they aren’t the best thing to have appear, but it’s within the Time Masters’ range of acceptable aberrations. From what Deirdre is saying, the kind of anomaly we’re looking for with this situation, with one team seemingly erased from time and another fully resurrected, should be lighting this up like a Christmas tree. That massive of a ripple effect from those changes would unmoor us into the Bleed, never to return.”
“But we’re clearly still here,” Rip Hunter said, scowling. “So you’re saying she’s full of it.”
“Not necessarily,” Owen replied, and Deirdre felt a slight pang in her chest as her brother came to her defense. He dialed in another setting and another hologram appeared, this time showing various circles floating around the timestream. “What do you know about time bubbles?”
Michael raised his hand, ever the teacher’s pet, apparently. “They’re basically pocket dimensions separated out from the timestream. The Time Masters use them sometimes to isolate threats to the stream or conduct experiments.”
“Gold star to you,” Owen said, and Deirdre rolled her eyes as Michael beamed. She missed Booster so much. “Yes, exactly that. So let’s say that these bubbles,” he circled a majority of them, “were made and accounted for. We’re left with a good dozen unsanctioned by the Time Masters.”
Deirdre’s hopes started to pick up before Rip dashed them. “But that’s also within parameters for a timestream. Nature abhors a vacuum and makes time bubbles naturally to fill in any blank spaces that appear. You’re grasping at straws.”
Owen turned toward the captain of the Waverider. “I’m sorry, did you want to run this presentation? I can go back to the Authority and leave y’all to your issues if you want.”
Before Rip could respond, Liri stepped in. “Rip, let the poor boy explain. You’re being an asshole.”
Deirdre blinked, surprised at Liri’s interjection. The AI she knew would never put the captain in his place like that. And even more shocking, she saw Rip pull back and motion for Owen to continue, clearly chastened by his crewmate.
Miracles did happen.
“You’re correct, the other bubbles not highlighted are indeed naturally occurring.” Owen pointed at them and expanded them. “But someone with enough access and know-how can commandeer these time bubbles and manipulate them for their own uses.”
Matthew Rider raised his hand. “So you’re saying our missing people could be inside these bubbles? But what about the damage to the timeline from removing them in the first place?”
“Good question. Like I said, this level of fuckery to the order of things should’ve made things completely unravel. That being said, it is possible for someone with a high degree of chronal knowledge and access to do it. It’d be damn risky, as one mistake could spell disaster. But… it's becoming more and more evident that whatever’s responsible for this isn’t an amateur.” Owen pulled up a blank file now, a glaring DATA NOT FOUND flashing in front of them. “You say you all saw Walker Gabriel vanish, and still have memories of him. He’s not in our databases anymore, and there’s not even a void left behind where he should be. This thing took him out and plastered over the timestream to remove any trace.”
Silence fell on the group as the idea of what they were up against sunk in. Deirdre pondered who or what could hate them enough to do something like this.
“So what’re our next steps?” Liri asked, typing away furiously at her datapad. “Should we search these time bubbles for our missing teammates?”
Deirdre smiled sadly as she heard Liri refer to her friends as teammates. This version didn’t even know these people, didn’t have any definitive proof that they even existed, and yet she took them in her heart as part of the team.
Owen shook his head. “That would take too long, and might tip off whatever’s doing this to our plan. We need more manpower for the search and a way to narrow down the field.” Roxy Rocket, who’d spent the entire conversation vlogging the control room with her camera, piped in. “Sciency stuff isn’t really my bag, but could you maybe look for people that interacted with these folks and trace them that way? Use their memories to bridge the gap or whatever?”
To Deirdre, it sounded like the kind of stupid thing that just might work. “I know someone that might be able to help us with that, and I can get some people together we could use.”
Hub City, Illinois
Something was wrong, of that Violet was certain.
Their journey had led them across the globe when they’d felt it happen, felt the universe attempting to steal another memory from them. Violet fought against the overwhelming vibrations that tried to steal the memory of their friend from them, using their powers to shield their mind and their heart. It took everything they had, rendering Violet unconscious for a day. But when they awoke, they still remembered Michael Jon Carter, Booster Gold. The first person in Violet’s memory that tried to help them.
It felt fitting, going from trying to discover their past to helping bring their friend back from oblivion.
The problem was, nothing was working.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Daniel Carter asserted, shifting on his crutches as he tried to close the door on Violet. They held their hand out to stop it, and felt fear trickle through Daniel’s aura.
“I do not mean to startle you, I am just trying to find some answers,” Violet explained, backing away from the door to give Daniel some space. “I know it sounds strange, but I am telling you only the truth.”
“Look, I wish you luck in… this whole thing you’ve got going,” Daniel said, “but I don’t have a clue about any future relatives of mine, whatever the hell that means. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get ready for a job interview.”
This time, Violet allowed him to slam the door in their face. It was no use. It seemed anyone they’d attempted to contact didn’t have any memories of their friend. Violet knew that if they could only use their aura to show Daniel the true way of things…
But no. That would be a trespass they were hesitant to employ. There had to be a way to bring Michael back without hurting anyone. They would find it, they were sure of it. “Well, if it isn’t the most colorful person I know,” a familiar voice said from behind them. Violet turned around to see Deirdre Harkness approaching them from across the street. Unconsciously adjusting their hijab, Violet ran towards their former teammate and enveloped her in a tight hug.
“You are truly a sight for sore eyes, Deirdre,” Violet said, tears running down their face as they took in their old friend’s presence. “I could really use a friendly ear at the moment. I feel as if I have gone insane.”
Deirdre pulled back from the hug to look Violet in the eye. After a moment of searching, she smiled. “You remember, don’t you?”
Violet’s eyes widened in shock and joy. “Tell me you are not humoring me. You truly remember our friend?”
A wave of relief washed over Violet, and it was all they could do to keep their aura in check as Deirdre spoke. “Not only do I remember Booster and Rip and the others, but I think I have a way to get them back.”
Radiance, Pennsylvania
Living in a mansion wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. For instance, the amount of upkeep required to keep it from becoming a dusty mountain of sadness was just completely unrealistic for one person to do. That meant hiring people to help maintain the grounds, sweep the floors, clean the bathrooms and bedrooms.
Mitch Shelley was not a fan of people.
“No, I said not to make the topiary look like a Soder Cola can,” Mitch insisted to his groundskeeper, an older man whose proximity to loud saws all his life made him hard of hearing. “It looks corny as fuck.”
The old man shook his head. “I think it looks fine, sir. Plus I know your corporate sponsors will appreciate it for that gala you’re holding next week.”
Goddammit. Mitch had been dreading that stupid party ever since he’d been asked to host it in honor of his latest sponsorship campaign for the Soder Cola company. Sure, he wasn’t too involved with the planning (at least, when he could dodge the phone calls and house visits of the party planner he’d hired) but it still took up way too much of his time. That wasn’t to mention the fact that he had to attend the thing.
In a suit.
Ugh.
“Maybe you’re right. Thanks, Joe,” Mitch said, handing the groundskeeper a generous tip. Joe was probably the most down-to-earth of his employees, and he wanted to make sure he was taken care of. Joe shook his hand appreciatively and walked out the door, brushing past a red haired woman dressed garishly in some sort of costume.
“You’re a week early for the gala, darlin’,” Mitch said, waving her away as he tried to escape to his theater room. “I’m sure whatever skill you have will be enough to entertain the suits coming to this shindig.”
“Har de har, asshole,” the woman said, her Australian accent giving him pause. What was an Aussie doing in Pennsylvania? “I’m actually here for Resurrection Man. Need his help.”
Mitch sighed, “Look, I’m sure whatever cat’s stuck in a tree will get itself out. If this is about Lazarus, tell that fucker he can come and face me himself rather than sending his new sidekick.”
The woman rolled her eyes. “Look, I know you. You’re a wild horse that can’t be reined in. You need adventure in your life, and I’m here to offer it. Ever time traveled before?”
Mitch stopped on the steps. “In a manner of speaking. What did you have in mind?” Maybe he’d hear this woman out. If anything it might last long enough to get him out of this fucking party.
Opal City
“Stargazer tipline, how can we help?” Jack Knight was surprised when the old phone line started to ring. Courtney had been right; most people used the app to ask for help. He’d almost forgotten the tipline was a thing, and it had startled him into dropping his tools as he worked on another upgrade to the Star Staff. His father’s laboratory made the ringing sound like it was coming from all over, so he’d almost missed the call when he couldn’t find the phone buried under all the schematics.
“Hello Starman, long time fan, first time caller,” a voice said from the receiver, the accent telling him this wasn’t an Opal citizen. “Need your assistance in a caper.” He was tempted to hang up the phone; no doubt this was some kind of crank call. “What’re the details of this… caper, ma’am?” He’d humor her for a little bit. Jennifer and Courtney had been on his case about crunch culture and making sure to take breaks, so maybe this could count as his allotted rest period.
“First off, I think I’m younger than you, so shove off with your ma’am,” the woman huffed. “Second, this isn’t a joke. Why don’t you come out of your little work shed and see what I mean.”
The line clicked, and Jack looked at the phone in confusion. What a weird call. There was no way anyone knew where he was at the moment, so he chalked it up to someone having a laugh at his expense. As he picked up his blowtorch to continue his welding, the intercom buzzed.
“Jack, can you please come up here and tell these yahoos to get their spaceship out of my backyard before they wreck my azaleas?” Jack heard his father’s voice resonate through the speaker. He jumped up to look at the outside cameras, and sure enough, there floated a spaceship of some sort.
He pulled out his phone and texted into the All Star Group Chat. “Hey, gang. Might need to be out of the city for a bit on a mission. I’ll keep you posted.”

Hey guys excuse my grammar it’s not the very best . So my story is the same as everyone’s really I’ve been I divestor since I was 20 never dated a bm in my life . Because I started dancing at 18 and got into divesting at 20 but my whole life I’ve never dated them subconsciously I just knew something wasn’t right w blackistan so I’m glad I got the message at 20 . But this post isnt about them at all this post is about my mother so ever since I was a child my demonic spirit aka my mother but we’ll just call her a demonic spirit. Never liked me I cannot remember anytime in my childhood where their was some sort of motherly love it’s was always physically mentally and verbally abusive and very neglectful. But let me not get into it by the time I was 11/12 I fantasized about her no longer being alive or me moving to stay w someone sane for the most part I ignored her around the house . I mean when she wasn’t berating and abusing me to clean her house there’s nothing we really had in common I would occupy my time w other hobbies as a child school music outside time friends would take up most of my time and I would loathe to be around her . But she would love to humiliate me in front of my friends and just make me feel very low, Cps was called three times and other people knew about the abuse but nothing was really done , but the time I was in my teenage to young adult hood I was very active always wanted to try new thing new experiences always outside like the thing I used to do in my teens really makes me proud because I was so outgoing and had little to no fear about anything . I literally took a bus across country for a audition when I was like 18/19 (that may seem small to u but now at 24 I get anxiety going across town idky ) ,Like I really walked in a strip club all alone at 18 to get hired by myself and I did . And by the time I was a pre-teen I wanted nothing to do w my mother I had no feeling or no love for her at all . But I left her house at 20 I stay by myself in a 1 bedroom apt .Something automatically changed I was in the house all the time I only left for work I I guess I was still doing things and not anxious about things at 20 but gradually over time I started staying home I felt like I was in a state of arrested development idk what to call it but my I didn’t care to have a relationship w my mother but I still yearned for that motherly love as we all do as I got older so I was 22/23 I wasn’t talking to her for months then she reached out to me via my sister and told me she’s sorry ,changed , and begged me to move in w her I declined several times but after persistently asking and rent getting high I had no choice but to agree (she stays in a very nice house in a nice neighborhood Ik that doesn’t matter but very convincing ) but this time my older brother who’s very mysoginstic Kevin Samuel’s loving hated her cut her off like he was so hurt by the trauma and he wanted to go on Facebook and air all her business out to everyone we knew Facebook is her entire life . At the time I thought it was childish and petty and I was actually one of the flying monkeys ( a term in the therapy world for a narssasist enabler ) . I really thought my mother changed she had me fooled for 6 months even thought I was helping her and trying to fix the relationship we never had our relationship was the best it ever was my whole life she was still talking to me behind my back and having her outbursts. But that was my mother and I craved the mother love I never had so bad I was letting her get away w slight disgusting behaviorI think I was seeing narc mom content but never really paid attention .But one day she had this outburst so bad I was like I’m officially done my older brother cut me offf for dealing me her but idc both of them are toxic . I was doing so much research about how narc mother hate their daughter in competition w them jealous of them . She caused me to have so much low self esteem it’s crazy … and I think this new anxiety and anxiousness about life is her doing I can’t quite telll but when I had no relationship w her I was very outgoing and living my life .(although I was drinking alcohol at the clubs I’ve since stopped though and things are very clear now) ever since I got close to her wanting to build a relationship I’ve been very stagnant . But I cut her off a year ago when she had her outburst . And since then I’ve been slowly getting back to being progressive and outgoing and trying new things and getting a hobby . I still live w her but she’s gone 5 days out the week (she’s a travel nurse ) . What’s crazy to me though is that u really thought she changed and she very much so had me convinced and now she’s back to her old ways . But now since I’m so educated on the topic I used to let her say what she wants and I walk out the house without saying anything back . But now I’m hurting so bad like I’m really hurting in pain thinkin of how can she do this to her child like damn this women really never like or cared about me she just felt obligated because she had me by a bum who ultimately left her and I only meet once . So now I’m returning her energy when she saying awful things to me and I’m saying even more disgusting vile things to her especially about her having 5 kids by 3 men and all of them used and abused her and her taking it on us I’m saying even worse foul things to her (That I never said to her in my life I find it so tacky and degenerate to talk to someone like that I’m really the nicest sweetest person in the world and she knows that I h8 talking to her like that but I’m just standing up for myself after years of her abuse and then I feel guilty for standing up for myself but I will no longer allow her to talk to me in a disgusting manner and get away w it ) . Like last month she brought a man over (which is very new for her she never brought men home she divorced her ex husband when I was 13 and has been single ever since she’s a workaholic which there is nothing wrong w) she brought a guy over and I cussed her out really bad in front of him like oh how could you abuse us like this telling her she took her anger out on us cause she made bad decisions and then I bused out crying telling her how it hard to be and adult beacuse all I think about 24/7 is how she treated us it was bad but esp worst for the girls she was a mammy but she loved her black KANGS she abused us all but treated them a bit better . While I’m crying w tears in my face instead of feeling some sort or remorse in her face she smirked w glee … we fought twice that day her trying to get me out and me telling her to call the police ultimately my sister came to calm us down but mostly took her side I mean that her mother so yea . I used to be one of her flying monkeys so I understand why she feels the way she does my sister. But I cut all of my siblings relatives friends off . I don’t want anything w one one who had a relationship w my mom plus most of them are very degenrate and deep in blackistan my mother is Haitian but I consider myself black American I don’t want anything to do w that culture . I’m cutting them all off I want to move out of this city and relocate .And before anyone tells me that I need to leave I know that trust me but the economy is awful . So I really need some advice ? 1. I want to start a Facebook page when I leave her house add her her personal people that she knows and air out all her dirty laundry and how she treated us . she’s a covert narc and people don’t really know the real her like I want to talk about all the terrible things she’s ever done to us and it’s bad the thought of exposing her like that gives me the boost to want to work everyday and get my shiii together so I can leave this house and never return to the people that knew me I just want to run away and never look back .But sometimes I just think like I should just leave and cut her and everyone who knew me offf and start over in another part of the country and don’t do that Facebook thing it’s childish but I really want to exose her I’m just in the fence about that? 2. I really want to be financially free I’m very frugal I want to bring in an extra 2500 a month where I’ll be comfortable enough to leave and not come back I’m still stripping but it’s getting tiring plus half of the clubs in the city we are like blackistan clubs and I’m sorry I cannot work at blackistan clubs ever again too degenerate for me plus in make more money at white /latin clubs . I work at an all Latin club but I’m literally the only black girl . I want to know are theyre anyway to make an extra income I don’t want a regular 9-5 . I want to work from home for like 3/4 hours a day is there some sort of website I can do that on w me dancing and wanting to be a full time context creator it’s hard to get a 9-5 ? 3.how do I heal from narc abuse like when I dint have a relationship w her life was great but now I’m just trying to heal I should’ve never tried to build a relationship w her I’m reading about narcissism I got a couple hobbies any other way to deal Ik it doesnt help staying w her but I’ll be out soon ?

The Context:

A user posts a screenshot of the rainbow-colored icon for the latest watchOS update to /AppleWatch with the title “Why is there never a cool watch face, always pride”.
Accusations of homophobia and virtue signaling quickly fly as Redditors debate the meaning, intent, and ramifications of this multicolored tempest.

The Drama:

What’s the utility here?

We need less political/agenda driven watch faces, and more neutral, actually useful watch faces.

Lol what is political about who someone is attracted to?

I’m attracted to women. Where is my WW2 pinup poster option? If you don’t think that would sell then you’ve paid no attention to things like zippo lighters, playing cards, man cave decorations, bar decorations, and a whole lot of other stuff.
Where’s my silhouettes of bikini models?
Heck go right for the gusto with the cookies over the breasts lady from the Times Square ad that got taken down.

You want a prize for not having to deal with all the bullshit of being a non-straight/cisgendered person?
I’m glad Apple puts out these pride faces, just because it annoys people like you.

It’s ironic how you weirdos always cry about people calling you names, but then insist on calling normal people “cis” after being told repeatedly by the vast majority of the world population that we don’t want to be called “cis” and that it’s insulting.

[Continued:]

Cisgender isn’t an insulting term in the same way that transgender isn’t an insulting term.
Also, I’m not a weirdo.
A very small subset of the population has problems with the term cis, and it’s basically entirely transphobes. Do you have problems with the term heterosexual? Because it’s literally the same thing.

[…]

See, you're already proud of being straight cause it's normalized, nobody gives you sh*t for it. Lots of gays depending on where they're from may feel ashamed or wonder why they get so much backlash for their preferences. Yes, even today that's still frowned upon on certain parts of the world or even here in the States. As a straight person myself, it's really not that hard to understand as long as you have empathy or have seen first hand what some gay people go through.
That said, I think we have too many Pride faces, and Apple needs to make unique faces that actually do something like the "Count Up", "Chronograph", or "Solar" faces.

Nobody gives me shit for it? Go check out my negative down doots.
:-)
It’s badge of honor to be down-dooted in pursuit of more inclusive marketing by Apple!

You’re not getting downvoted for being straight and you know it dude. This is pathetic.

[…]

Them throwing themselves into it saying they don’t have rights and a ton of other nonsense.

This very post proves that they are not treated the same as the rest of the population.

oh? where are all the straight celebrating watch faces?

[…]

Can you name a political watch face currently available?

Snoopy.

Are people making a mountain out of a molehill?

New watch faces are being added with release of a new watchOS each year New Pride watch faces are being added a month before the Pride Month each year I don’t understand what your are moaning about Wanna “cool watch faces” go buy Samsung, they have piles of that crap

Just make a normal watch face instead of pandering lol

Sit on ice for a bit, because your are clearly butt hurt

Yup that’s me!

Is this virtue signaling?

Because virtue signaling is corporation's greatest achievement and must be nurtured over anything else

Right, so we're going to ignore all the money Apple has donated to LGBT orgs including directly from rainbow band purchases? Or should I move the goal post of what virtue signaling means.

Bro, this is marketing expenses that you can write off your taxes. It’s nothing for them. And they make even more money in return.
When they withdraw from countries where they kill gay people for being gay then we can talk about their values

You're ignoring the impact on the LGBT community it makes. I doubt there is any amount they could donate that would satisfy you since you don't see the impact, you just see the act of giving and criticize it because it doesn't conform to your values.
Apple is a company, not a person. Apple operating in the US doesn't mean it supported the war in Iraq. Apple products being on sale in Hong Kong doesn't mean it supports a free Hong Kong either. Companies don't have values, they are only an amalgamation of actions. Personifying corporations is buying marketing hook, line, and sinker.
Ironically you're virtue signaling pretty hard here yourself.

Exactly, companies have no values. Yes. They exist to make profit.
That’s why I don’t like when they act like they have values. Even more so when they have strong values, they promote those „values” and are very proud of themselves.
Just shut up and sell your iPhones

[Continued:]

It's like you're trying to play bigotry on hard mode.

Are u people capable of fighting an argument instead of a person? You are the second or third person that insult me for no reason smh. How tf am I a bigot? What did I say that triggered you so much?

Who is "u people"? I didn't insult you, I said you trying to play bigotry on hard mode. When did you playing a game become a insult? You didn't trigger me, but you appear to be pretty triggered yourself.

What did u even mean by that - "playing bigotry on hard mode"? Is this some idiom or saying I don't get?

[…]

I’m surprised that you’re not embarrassed to display yourself in public as being whiny and self-centered. The new face is a positive thing, but because it doesn’t affect you, it’s something to complain about. Not too self-centered is it?

Bigots are going to bigot.
Yes, because you are not self-centered for thinking that Apple gives a shit about you or LGBTQ community rights xD. They are doing it for you, for your values! They value you so much.
In Saudi Arabia they value Islam more tho, so they won’t celebrate pride month there, but they are totally supporting gay community, trust me bro. Genuinely.
Now pay more for the company that shares your values

Thanks for confirming just what an awful person you are.

Jesus, man, got to hell with your judgements and crying, really

Using Reddit’s “this user needs help “ feature is a dick move that moves their resources away from people who actually needed it. I’m not surprised that you made such a dick move

[Continued:]

I don’t know what you are talking about. I didn’t use any feature, didn’t even know such thing existed.
I don’t think you need help, you are just dumb

The good old “who me?” response.
Go away kid, you bother me.

XD you might need help after all.
Cya.

Is this pandering?

The pandering to any specific group by corporations is insufferable.

Watching adults cry over a pride watch face is insufferable.

lol - you've made 11 comments on this post alone.
You are the problem with PRIDE and why everything is so extreme.
Maybe disagree, and move on to the next topic - holy shit you are obsessed with spreading hate.

Are you brain damaged? You have to be

Whatever brain damage I may suffer from, you have it 10x worse.
Have a great day continuing to be miserable :)

[Continued:]

Have a good day crying over a pride watch face and being a braindead bigot.

The Flairs:

• “It's like you're trying to play bigotry on hard mode”
  
• “I don’t think you need help, you are just dumb”
  
• “Sit down and be quiet, idiot”
  

TLDR sabotaging financially abusive nmother who doesn’t have my best interest at heart and only cares about herself wants to look over and take over my resume and I don’t want to her. Nmother will not listen to me and keeps demanding to see my resume. No is not an answer for her. What do u do?
Full post: It’s so annoying that now she wants to help me out when I want nothing to do with her. When I was younger, I needed her help with things and she didn’t wanna help me! She wanted nothing to do with helping me out but now 20 years later, she wants to “help” me??? Oh please. I know she’s either gonna turn it into it a “I helped you with your résumé so that means I got YOU the job so I AM entitled to YOUR pay check!” She will turn this situation into that type of thing! SHE WILL. ABSOLUTELY SHE WILL. UHUH, yes she will. Or she will constantly dangle over my head about the fact that she got me the job. If I went to a person that fixes and checks résumé, they wouldn’t be dangling any of that stuff over my head because that’s your job and this is the same thing for my narcissistic mother. It’s her job to help me so she shouldn’t be doing any of that toxic dominating ridicule stuff! She can’t do shit without being toxic! Everything she does even if she paints it as her helping me she’s gonna end up screwing me over and being a toxic asshole in the end! She’s not nice at all. I’m trying to my engagement levels to a very, very, very low level and her trying to look at my résumé and engage with me is just unnecessary to me.
When I worked my first job she wanted MY MONEY. She ruined that milestone for me, instead of having a proud happy mother she could care less that I got a job. She just wanted my money for herself. She’s just a nasty person, I want nothing to do with her. I’m trying so hard to get jobs and they’re requiring all these extra things like assessments and if I’m being honest, it’s a learning process for me. I just have to lie! I can’t control the company who doesn’t call me back, I have worked at two jobs, first one was at a gas station for one month, my second job was at subway for 2 months which she DOES NOT know about. If she found out she will BLOW. I’m not transparent with her at all because my privacy is legit my protections against her. ITS MY SHEILD, if she found out about my second job she would haggle me for my paychecks. And guess what? Since I didn’t tell her about my job she didn’t come to me at all for money. I’m only 20 years old, I graduated high school in 2022 with a diploma. I perused college for one year until I had to take a LOA cuz I couldn’t afford it. The reason why I got my first job was so I could pay for my schooling since my Nmom didn’t want to. She’s the reason for all of this shit, she’s the reason why i can’t attend college right now as she doesn’t want to help me with the FASFA. She stole my scholarships and wanted my paychecks. I couldn’t have fucking shit when it came to her. SHE WANTED IT ALL.
She keep acting like she wants all these good things for me but everytime I achieved good things she snuffed them out under me. It’s also fucking two-faced. Can’t want what’s best for your child and take it for yourself. You cannot help your child. You cannot not help your child go to college and proceeded to steal their scholarships and paychecks from them then have the nerve to twist the story and say “let me help you” when the parent is the reason why the child is in this fucking mess. That doesn’t fucking work you can’t go to the same thing that hurt you! Its common fucking sense! So now that you get a picture of how my mother is, I really don’t want her anywhere near my résumé. She wants the absolute worst for me and she is very selfish and entitled she only cares about herself.
As you all may know, the job market is absolutely insane! Half the population of the United States can’t get a job. People who have bachelors degree and even masters degree can’t find a job! There are tons and tons of local news articles being uploaded because of this! There is a legitimate job crisis going on right now. I tried to explain that to my narcissistic mother which obviously was futile because in her mind, since she has a job that means everyone else can get a job. It’s not that easy. I really didn’t want to engage with her. If I’m being honest, she makes me really overwhelmed and stressed out. She wasn’t even being nice and understanding about it. She was like very mean and just overly aggressive!!!!! Like she cannot approach things in a healthy manner at all because it’s just aggressive 24/7. She was blown up my phone asking me. Why can’t I find a job saying there’s something obviously wrong with my résumé and I’m not doing this correctly and she needs to see my résumé and I need to show her and she’s telling me to email my résumé to her RIGHT NOW. It was so over-the-top. Should I give her my resume? I’ll post my resume on some resume subreddit. I’d rather have strangers assist me than my own toxic narcissist mother. How do I stand my ground and tell her no? I feel like i’m being over dramatic ? Idk but I told her no. I won’t show her and she keeps pushing and pushin. She’s knows no boundaries, she said “No, show me it.” I told her no ans she said “send it to me.” She keeps pushing. If I had a healthy mother I would show her but based on History I have with my Nmom financially, work-life related I want nothing to do with her anymore.

DCNext Presents:

Superman

In The Tug
Issue Twenty-Four: Find Your Way Home
Written by Predaplant
Edited by AdamantAce & VoidKiller826
First Previous [Next]
Superman floated in space, staring into the pocket of dark energy in front of him. His brain clouded with sorrow, and he did the only thing he could think to do.
He held up the dust that was all that remained of Kal-El, the alternate version of his father from the Dark Multiverse.
He closed his eyes, and he hoped. He hoped that whatever unknown cosmological science governed this Dark Multiverse would stitch this man back together, even from particles of dust.
He had already lost his father once. He knew out there, somewhere in another universe, there was another version of himself, another Jon, who also lost his father, and probably never even learned what had happened to him.
If he could, he had to give that version of himself his father back.
Jon was so afraid that he would have to return home in failure that he didn’t want to have to open his eyes. But he couldn’t stay in this moment forever. So, slowly, he opened his eyes.
The dust in his hands was formed into the shape of a man, and it weighed about the same amount as Kal had when Jon had been carrying him through the stars.
Jon didn’t know yet whether to be relieved or not. He held Kal’s form aloft to the dark energy once more, offering it to see if it would complete the transformation, but the energy didn’t respond. He tried a few more times, from a few more angles, but nothing seemed to work.
Disappointed, Jon turned around and headed for Earth.
As he did so, he looked down at the lifeless humanoid pile of sand in his hands. It reminded him of one of his father’s old foes, the Quarrmer. It was pretty uncanny, actually: a Superman-shaped pile of sand that sapped energy from those around it.
Jon supposed that this was how the Quarrmer was formed, originally. While the Quarrmer was intelligent and could communicate to a limited degree, as far as Jon knew, he had never described exactly who he was or where he came from.
Maybe this was it.
It gave Jon an odd sort of comfort. Superman’s foes had felt dangerous and scary to him as a child. Inhuman, almost. And while Jon’s father had always tried his hardest to make sure that Jon knew that all the foes he fought were people with hopes and dreams just the same as Jon himself, the Quarrmer had always felt unearthly and detached in the way that he mimicked the Superman persona, with no real personality to himself.
But maybe, somebody had cared about the Quarrmer once. Cared about him enough to bear him across the universe.
It was a bittersweet feeling for Jon to recognize.
It wasn’t that long before Jon made it back to Earth. That was one of the fun things about being Superman: he could cross star systems in the blink of an eye.
As he flew down towards Metropolis, he got a strange feeling that something was off. Only took a couple seconds for it to click: some of the buildings were missing, or different.
He was in the past, sometime in the mid-00s.
Of course. He had been in such a hurry to save Kal that he must have broken the time barrier as he travelled through space. His father had always warned him not to do that, to let events progress at their natural pace and in their natural order.
Well… he looked over his shoulder, and there he was. The first Superman, in the flesh.
“And who do you happen to be?” he asked with a smile.
Jon panicked as he turned around. It was bad enough that he nearly fumbled the sandy form of Kal in his hands, but he eventually regained control.
“Hi, you know you can time travel, right? Well, I’m your son. From the future.”
Clark chuckled. “Well, I guess that’s as good of an explanation as any other. To be clear, you are Jon, right? Not another future son that I don’t know about?”
Jon shook his head. “Nope, I’m Jon.”
“Fair enough,” Clark said. He pointed at Kal. “And who’s this? You want me to help you with him?”
“Oh!” Jon said. “It’s kind of complicated, but it’s a version of you from an alternate universe. Tried to get him to this energy source he needed, and even flew so fast I time travelled, but I didn’t make it in time.”
“Are you sure?” Clark asked, raising an eyebrow slightly. “He seems to be moving.”
And so he was. He started to stir, raising an arm.
“Come on, we should get him to the ground,” Clark said, beckoning Jon downwards to Centennial Park.
Together, they laid Kal out on the grass.
Clark tried to step towards Kal, to examine him more closely, but Jon held out an arm. “You should step back, Dad.”
“Why, what’s wrong?”
Jon took a deep breath. “I think he might be able to sap a ton of energy from you if he touches you.”
“Why?”
“Because he could sap energy from me, and because you’re even more similar to him. And… because I think I recognize him. I think he’s somebody you end up having to fight against.”
Clark sighed, disappointed. Jon could read the look in his eyes: he knew his father hated having to fight. “Well, if he’s going to be a danger, and you know who he is, you’re going to have to take the lead in helping me deal with him, alright?”
Jon nodded. “I can do that. Keep away, keep other people away, and if we can trap him or contain him somehow we should be safe. He isn’t that strong without leaching power from us.”
“We should wait and see,” Clark replied. “After all, he hasn’t done anythingto anybody yet. Did you say that he’s really just a problem for us?”
“He can be a bit dangerous if he does absorb too much energy,” Jon recalled. “But otherwise, yeah, he’ll only hurt us.”
As Kal… the Quarrmer… stood up for the first time in his new form, he reached out towards Clark. Clark backed up; he could feel the power bleeding out of him. “Whoa, this guy’s worse than the Parasite!”
“Watch out!” Jon shouted, moving forward to try and draw the Quarrmer’s attention away from his father.
To any onlooker in the park, the fight was over in an instant, as the Supermen became rays of light zipping around the park, trying to play keep-away.
When the dust settled, the Quarrmer was in a temporary cell of glass constructed by Clark out of sand from the waters of Metropolis Bay.
Jon and Clark looked at each other sadly.
“I wish we didn’t have to do this,” Jon said, breaking eye contact to stare at the ground. “He didn’t do anything to deserve this. Not really.”
“It’s the hardest part about being Superman, son,” Clark replied. “It always hurts to have to use force to stop somebody. But sometimes, it’s the only way to save people.”
“Yeah,” Jon nodded. “Can we, like... go somewhere else and talk?”
“Follow me.” Clark took off up into the sky, and Jon followed.
SSSSS
“I know I probably shouldn’t ask that many questions, with time travel and all, but are you well?” Clark asked as he led Jon through the Fortress of Solitude.
Jon took a few seconds to put his answer together. “In a lot of ways, yeah. But I’ve lost a lot, too.”
“I don’t mean to pry, but... that includes me, doesn’t it?” Clark asked. “If you could go home and talk to me there, you’d probably rather do that than talk to a version of me who only knows you as a five year-old.”
Jon looked at Clark’s face. It was solemn, clearly respectful of his feelings, but it still held so much care and love.
Jon started to cry.
“Come here,” Clark said, pulling Jon in for a hug. “I remember when my pop died, too. It isn’t easy for anybody.”
“Yeah,” Jon said. He was still crying; it was hard for him to get the words out. “And I met that other... that other you. The sand one, the Quarrmer. But he wasn’t sand, he had a me, too, and I couldn’t get him home to his me, and I...”
He leaned into his father’s embrace as the words failed him.
Clark’s arms were nice and firm around Jon, keeping him grounded in the moment. With a sense of loss, Clark started to speak.
“I haven’t told you about the greatest mistake I ever made. Maybe you know about it, maybe I told you at some point in my future, but I know I haven’t told you yet here, so I’m going to do it now. When I was a kid, maybe fifteen or so, I met another boy from space. The rocket that had brought him here had given him some sort of amnesia, so he didn’t know who he was, but he had powers like me. Not exactly the same, but pretty close, close enough that I was overjoyed.”
“I had never met anybody like me in my life, and here was a perfect friend, delivered to me out of the sky. We could’ve been brothers. We basically were, for a few weeks; he took the names Bob Cobb and Mon-El. Pretended to be my cousin from out of town to everyone in Smallville, but when school let out and we took to the skies, we were brothers.”
“It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I was able to talk about all the things on my mind, all the little things I could see and hear that nobody else could, all the wonders of the universe that Ma and Pa would never understand no matter how hard they tried, and he was there, right alongside me, seeing the same things, offering a perspective that I never could’ve seen by myself. And like I said, we’d go out flying every day, and I’d point out all my favourite bits of the planet that I could never take anybody to see.”
Jon looked up at his father, who seemed lost in thought. There was a faraway sorrow in Clark’s eyes, but also nostalgia.
“One day we were just fooling around, and I thought it’d be fun to play catch with meteors in the atmosphere, all around the curvature of the Earth. So we lined up on opposite sides of the planet and we started firing the meteors back and forth.”
“Now, Mon was doing fine at first, but then he started to slow down. But I was young and dumb, so I didn’t check on him right away. I thought he was maybe just having an off day, so I kept sending the meteors as long as he was returning them. But after a while it finally started to concern me, so I flew over to see what the matter was.”
“Turns out, the meteors contained lead, and lead was incredibly toxic to his species. He was dying, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. And you have to believe me, I tried everything. I did all the research I could. I’ve kept up on the sort of biology that’s relevant to Mon’s case, and even now, I don’t think there would’ve been anything I could have done. So I did the only thing I could think of that would save his life, even temporarily. I sent him to the Phantom Zone.”
“I don’t think I’ve told you yet about the Phantom Zone, either, but you almost definitely know about it by your time. So you know how terrible it truly is, to condemn somebody to an eternity walking the universe as a ghost. He could be here right now, watching us from the Zone. I hope he’s forgiven me for what I did all those years ago. I made a mistake, and he was the one who had to pay the price. I lost the closest friend I’d ever had that day.”
Jon had stopped crying by the time Clark finished. He had heard pieces of this story before, but Clark had never told him that Mon-El’s poisoning was his fault. He hugged Clark back, and the two men stood there, bonded by blood, by their mistakes, and the symbol that they shared, taking in comfort from each other.
“I think I’m going to head back to my time,” Jon told him. “Thanks for everything, it really means more than you know.”
“Well, I would say ‘any time’, but maybe that’s not a good idea. Good luck, Jon. You’re not your mistakes, and I hope you know that I always love you.”
“Goodbye,” Jon said. He turned away from Clark, thought better, and wrapped Clark up in another hug. “I love you too.”
Clark hugged his son again, then watched as he headed towards the Fortress’s exit.
It was beautiful, seeing Jon grow up into such a thoughtful man.
He knew that he had to cherish his time with him, as limited as it might be.
SSSSS
Jon surveyed the Metropolis skyline once again. Yep, definitely 2024, the day he left. He could even see the firemen helping out the students stranded due to the fire Kal had put out before they had left on their journey through the stars.
He started to fly through the city on his normal patrol route, slowly enough that people on the streets below could see him and take pictures if they were quick enough. He needed the extra time just to think... and he was sure people would appreciate the chance to snap a picture, too.
In the span of a day, he had grown closer to Kal than he had ever expected, and then lost him forever.
Well, maybe not completely lost... but the Quarrmer definitely wasn’t the same man as Kal had been before.
It was painful to make such a big mistake, especially after losing Jay, as well.
But if this was going to be Jon’s nadir, he had to count his lucky stars, because things could still be much worse.
He had friends and family who loved him, and who he loved in return.
He had a job that was important and where his colleagues genuinely wanted to help him grow.
And at the end of the day, he was still Superman, and the relief on people’s faces when he helped them out was something that genuinely made him happy and kept him going, day after day.
He just knew he had one person who he still owed a visit today.
He broke off from his patrol and headed to Stryker’s Island, where the most serious super-criminals in Metropolis were held.
The guards waved him in easily, and he passed by cell after cell, each containing the worst people that he and his father had ever butted heads against.
Jon hoped that, one day, the prison would be empty, and they would all be reformed.
There it was. Slowing down, Jon walked the last few steps down the corridor instead of flying. The wall of the cell was glass; he could see the Quarrmer sitting within.
Jon reached out towards the wall of the cell. The Quarrmer noticed him, and started making his way to the glass wall himself.
The two stared at each other through the glass.
Slowly, the Quarrmer moved his hand up to his mouth. It struck Jon what he was going to do the second before he completed the action, and Jon almost turned away, not wanting to accept what was going to happen.
But he knew that would be impolite, especially after all they had been through together. And so he watched the being that was once Superman finish signing “Thank you.”

my friend told me 'ur lying'.
ive never lied to him before. i tell him everything that i know. he keeps more secrets then me at this point. i get that he was probably solving some emotional tension or something but thats a fucking bold claim. ive told him so much, and he just cant tell me whats going on a little? even just the people? 'ill tell u later' sure bro go fuck urself the audiacity lmao i dont think ive ever been this hurt by a friend's accusation.
he questioned once if i lie to him and tell the things hes told me before to others since i tell a lot of stuff from other to him. no. never. i promised. well i guess me being a shitty person and being too attached to a certain someone and to try and keep them by my side tempted me into telling all this shit. yknow that question, as light0hearted as it was- it offended me. it really did. i laughed it off and explained and i didnt even know if he was convinced but i guess i dont have an option to say against as i was the one who leaked all this and proved my un-trustworthiness to him.
i dont fucking care about what just happened, and i do. a fucking lot. i hate the accusations when all ive done is tell u everything??
welp im so immature i cant deal with shit. have a good day/night

my friend told me 'ur lying'.
ive never lied to him before. i tell him everything that i know. he keeps more secrets then me at this point. i get that he was probably solving some emotional tension or something but thats a fucking bold claim. ive told him so much, and he just cant tell me whats going on a little? even just the people? 'ill tell u later' sure bro go fuck urself the audiacity lmao i dont think ive ever been this hurt by a friend's accusation.
he questioned once if i lie to him and tell the things hes told me before to others since i tell a lot of stuff from other to him. no. never. i promised. well i guess me being a shitty person and being too attached to a certain someone and to try and keep them by my side tempted me into telling all this shit. yknow that question, as light0hearted as it was- it offended me. it really did. i laughed it off and explained and i didnt even know if he was convinced but i guess i dont have an option to say against as i was the one who leaked all this and proved my un-trustworthiness to him.
i dont fucking care about what just happened, and i do. a fucking lot. i hate the accusations when all ive done is tell u everything??
welp im so immature i cant deal with shit. have a good day/night

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u/spacepaladin15 's universe.
Memory transcription subject: Estala, Junior Exterminator, ‘Little Yortu’ Colony Cleanup Division
Date [standardized human time]: July 27th, 2125
Everything hurt.
There was dirt and dust between each of my feathers and every single muscle ached and screamed in protest. I wanted to pluck every feather off of my skin and soak forever in warm water until I stopped feeling this way.
Sadly, I didn't have time for that since I, along with the 4 other junior Exterminators of my squad, stood to attention as our commander stared each of us down as he walked among us with his pristine feathers and dirt free uniform. A stark difference to the 5 of us who had actually done the work.
“Very good job squad. Sector UG-4 is now considered cleansed of all predatory taint. We have done a good job today!”
We? That was a very strong word to use, as Officer Parsim had done nothing but sit and ‘direct’ us instead of actually aiding us like he should have according to regulations. Of course, giving the idiot a flamer to use would probably end with him setting himself on fire, so perhaps it was for the best.
“Yes sir, although it would have gone faster had you completely filled the flamer canisters before we left, and-”
“Junior Exterminator Estala! As always, I did not ask for your opinion or commentary.”
I could see Parsim’s feathers bristling with anger as I spoke up. Neither of us liked the other, both for the same reason. Parsim was incompetent. The most incompetent person I had ever met. I could never understand how someone as incompetent and lazy as this Krakotl had managed to become even a standard officer, let alone in charge of a squad of Junior Exterminators. If there was a task required to be completed, the officer would fail to do so, and if they did do anything, they did it with a complete lack of preparation or adherence to even the simplest of regulations.
“Also sir, having only 5 people accomplishing the task instead of six, results in the lack of a rear guard. This is counter to the suggested den clearing process defined in appendix PTY-61, which-”
“I said I did not ask! Since you are always so knowledgeable about what should be done, you can use that experience as a Junior Exterminator and show ‘leadership’ by taking tonight’s guard duty.”
Parsim didn’t like me because I would continually point out his incompetence, not that I planned on stopping. Originally I had assumed the seasoned officer had his reasons for these mistakes, that experience would show some avenue for Extermination I didn’t foresee.
However, it had been six months. Six months of blatant incompetence. I couldn’t hold my beak for that long, every bird has her limit. Every rule he broke, every time he failed, it put people’s lives in danger. No matter how many admonishments or punishments he doled out, I at least had to try before something bad happened. Not that the officer looked like he was going to change, at least before my last few months here on the colony were up.
“Yes sir.”
I stated these words with as little annoyance as possible, deciding not to push the issue further. Fighting for this idiot to actually become competent was something for another day, for now I wanted rest. Rest of the predators and their piercing eyes, blood soaked claws and large rows of grinning teeth.
“Good. Dismissed, get cleaned up.”
The five of us filtered towards the temporary barracks, wings and bodies aching as the day's events took their toll on us. Crawling through dirt tunnels, tracking down dens, and eradicating them was a strenuous task, only slightly washed away with warm water and a new uniform. I eventually made my way back to my room and crawled onto my perch. I wanted to sleep, but the upcoming guard duty made that impossible, giving me half an hour to rest instead.
“I don’t get why you keep antagonizing him, Estala. He’s not going to change and you’re just going to get his ire.”
Talsim entered the rooms, a concerned look in his eyes as my bunkmate and fellow Junior Exterminator took his own perch next to mine. Somehow, after a whole day of crawling through predator infested tunnels, he still managed to look fabulous after a shower and basic preen.
“Because he’s going to get someone killed,” I responded. “Even today, I noticed he was constantly staying as far away from the predators as possible. If anything went wrong… I don’t understand how he’s even an Exterminator.”
“Dad says a lot of people join just for the prestige, then freak out whenever an actual predator appears.”
Talsim was the complete opposite to Parsim, smart, capable, with family ties to the Exterminators. A bright spot in the otherwise rather depressing past few months. The planet was infested with mammalian predators, larger than a Krakotl, teeth a doorway to their cruelty, eyes glowing yellow in the dark.
I had indeed gained more experience with predators than I could ever want on this planet, and seen the results of their evils inflicted upon my fellow Exterminators as we cleared out this new colony for the Krakotl people.
Frankly, I was looking forward to being back on Nishtal.
The two of us sat in silence as we both tried to get our energy back from the gruelling day’s tasks, as the minutes continued to tick by. Talsim continually fidgeted and glanced around, as if he had something on his mind as I sat there trying not to fall asleep.
“Estala…” He said, finally hitting the courage to break the silence. “I… I really don’t like clearing out the dens. The way they… I know they’re predators but…”
I knew exactly what Talsim was talking about. I didn’t like doing them either.’ Not because of the danger, but because of the aftermath. The smell of burning fur flesh, the sounds they made while fire consumed their predatory taint, the helplessness of the predator pups.
No, I knew exactly what Talsim meant. But it had to be done, for the safety of the herd.
“I think… I think everyone thinks that way, Talsim. That’s what makes us prey: our empathy. Even though we know it has to be done, we know it’s not noble work. But it is necessary. I just think that most Exterminators prefer to avoid talking about it, because we know how many lives we’re saving by removing the predators.”
“Not everyone. Quala seems to be very happy.”
I gave an involuntary shudder at the thought of the other Junior Exterminator. She always seemed to take full glee at the destruction of predator dens, eyes alight with joy as fire rained down upon her predatory enemies.
“There is something wrong with her. It might not be predator disease but… something.”
“I dunno, it just feels like everyone else knows what they’re doing. You with your rules, Quala taking down predator dens, and so on. I know my dad wanted me to get into the family business, but I’m not sure if I’m cut out for this.”
I couldn’t help but feel a level of despair at such words coming out of the beak of Talsim. The Krakotl had become my best friend over these last six months, funny, kind-hearted, and actually competent. The thought of him leaving the Exterminators, not thinking he was good enough…
“Nonsense! You are brave and do the right thing when you need to. There’s nobody else I’d rather have protecting my back against the predators. You’re already a better exterminator than Parsim.”
“A pile of rocks with a flamer draped on top would be a better Exterminator…”
We both laughed at that, the tension in the room evaporating as we both commiserated over the incompetence of the Exterminator Officer in charge of our squad.
“See, if he can make it, you definitely can. Remember: we’ll be full officers with colony expedition experience once we’re done here, not juniors any more! I’ll transfer to your department, we can work side by side, rise in the ranks, and keep Nishtal safe together.”
“Yeah, that does sound nice.”
“Estala and Talsim, Exterminating duo extreme! The Arxur won’t know what hit them!”
—----------------------
Memory transcription subject: Estala, Human Methods Advisor to the Exterminators.
Date [standardized human time]: March 6th, 2137
How did people do this? Seriously, what did normal people do in their free time? Joseph was out doing something predatory with his cats, leaving me alone in the apartment to chill out. I was sad, comfortable on my perch, a large fluffy blanket wrapped around my body as I cradled a cup of warm mango tea in my hands. I was supposed to be relaxing and letting my body heal…
So why couldn’t I relax?
Scrolling Bleat and the endless discussion about the war and predators didn’t keep me calm and there was only so much daytime TV one bird could watch. Going outside was out of the question as I’d inevitably see something that needed fixing, ending with me doing work again. So I tried to relax in silence, the curtains drawn across the window creating a nice darkness to calm down in as I tried to slow my breathing. It didn’t work, I wanted to be out there, doing good in the world, anything other than sitting here.
It wasn’t always like this, what did you do on your time off?
Well there was the Krakotl reality TV show “Wings of Love”, which was a guilty pleasure of mine. I was a fan of the Diva Scene in southern Nishtal. Occasionally I’d follow speed flying, especially since the local Skalga athletes generally did very well on the galactic level due to the increased gravity here.
Oh, I’m seeing the problem. None of those things exist any more, Nishtal is gone.
Work had been a perfect distraction from the whirlwind of painful changes over the last 6 months of my life. Nishtal was no more, every single algae bar or Diva stand I’d ever visited was destroyed, every single person I knew was probably dead. While I hadn’t been there for nearly three years, it was still… home. I wasn’t close with anyone on Nishtal any more, but there were still good people I knew…. had known there.
Even the Extermination Fleet had contained Exterminators I considered good people, lied to by the Federation and tricked into committing a horrible crime. Heck, if I was being honest with myself, I would have been just one more name on those ships if I hadn’t been stationed on Skalga when all this began.
It’s kinda ironic that Kalsim managed to kill far more Krakotl than humans with his actions… the bastard.
Then there were the other thoughts that constantly bombarded my mind. The omnivore reveal, the amount of murders I’d let happen under my watch, the revelations about the PD facilities, the ecological damage I’d caused on every planet I’d been stationed on…
Nope nope nope nope. Let’s stop thinking about this. Distract myself with anything, anything at all.
I opened my work email, using work once again as a distracting refuge, only to see an actually important email that required my response.
Re: Dawncreek Exterminators reform and restructure.

My dearest Estala. I have read your proposal for the reopening of the extermination offices of this district and the reimplementation of their funding. I will admit that your restructuring proposals were fairly radical for someone who is still an advocate of the exterminators.
However, after careful consideration of the impact of the organization, I fear that I must decline the proposal. I have come to the conclusion that, for the well-being of the citizenry, you and all others wishing for its reimplementation should commence a regime of self fornication as my district shall be better as strangers to the institution of extermination.
I thank you for your time,
High Magister Rolem of Dawn Creek

By Inatala’s talons… Magistrate Rolem was an interesting case. While most Exterminator CO’s and Magistrates were resistant to the changes I was trying to implement due to a fear or hatred of the ‘predatory’ humans they represented, Rolem was the complete opposite: He was so pro-human that the Venlil was trying to eradicate the Exterminators of Dawncreek, instead merging their duties with the police force.
Unprofessional insults aside, I didn’t blame him too much considering what had happened at Dawn Creek. I wasn’t completely against the idea of copying the humans in that regard, if it wasn’t for the simple issue: It wasn’t working. While in the short term the district was better off without the shambolic incompetent idiots who used to ‘protect’ the area, the long term solution wasn’t trusting their safety with police officers who could hardly look a human in the eyes without fainting.

Dear idiot face.
Can you spehing actually read the email I sent. It’s not working. I’m getting the surrounding districts to cover for you before someone notices and tries to recall your seat, but I can only do that for so long you feather chewing idiotic-

I paused, taking a deep sigh before deleting that text and rewriting the email to something I could actually send.

Dear Rolem.
I understand your hesitance to rebuild the Dawn Creek Exterminators, and while I’m not against the idea of your plan in theory, the issue is the current police force joined their roles without expecting such ‘predatory’ work to be within their job description.
As you can see in the data I sent (Please see previous email), a significant number of calls to the police force are being refused and not dealt with, especially surrounding the categories of violent crime (Or what was previously classified as Predator Disease), interacting with humans, and predator sightings.
The Exterminators who joined this job did so because they wanted to protect the herd from such problems, unlike the police who originally joined to aid us all in different ways. I’m currently instructing the four surrounding districts to aid in these excess calls during this transition period, but this is not a long term solution.
If you would like to discuss this proposal further, please do not hesitate to email or call me.
Prestige Exterminator Estala, Human Methods Advisor, Dayside City Head Office.

With the more professional email sent, I once again found myself in the dark with nothing to do. I browsed my emails idly for a few moments, scrolling Bleat through the normal barrage of hate mail I got from both pro and anti-human Venlil, before finding myself back at a familiar website, one that had changed so much of my outlook.
FederationColdCases.human.fed.vp
A human created site, dedicated to parsing through “Predator Attacks” and working out which ones were actually murders, which ones I had failed my duties on. There were a lot of murders originally classified as predator attacks. That realisation had broken me. Prey murdered prey as if they were predators, meaning there were no prey or predators in the galaxy, only people.
They also tended to dump every password they could find on Venlil systems, Exterminators included. There had been a back and forth between me and the predators on this site, one that I was frankly losing, especially based on the new post added to the site.

New Thread: Estala’s new password.
“BzB&G_6?wC{k4oqq,je%.uO;T`uznif6;<(8~B”
Hi Estala! I know you’re reading this as you keep resetting your password.
So Estala’s password creation skills have increased since we started doing this. For a quick refresher on all the things that have changed.
Stopped using Inatala as a base.
Stopped using Protector, Exterminator, Predator, Prey, Mango, or any dictionary word as a base.
Stop using passwords containing simple numbers (1234, 1254, her birthday, etc etc)
Stopped using passwords of length lower than 15
Stopped using the same password for her email as her Exterminator account.
Stopped falling for Phishing attacks claiming to provide “Free mangos for Exterminator logins”.
Turned off autologin.
Turned off fast checkin mode.
Now, I ‘could’ just login using the head exterminator for Skalga’s login (Password is STILL “Protector134”), and use that to reset Estala’s password and gain access, but that feels like cheating.
Instead I found a remote code execution exploit using a faulty heartbeat command, allowing for the password to be returned. It should be noted yet again that the section of the Exterminators database containing Exterminator personal information is not susceptible to this attack, showing that the UN did a bunch of hardening there (As well as Venlil banking systems, etc etc)
The attack works by finding the central node to the district you’re attempting to attack, this can be done by using….

I felt my brain start to leak out of my ears as the technical jargon on the screen in front of me caused my vision to swim. The humans took it as a game to continually break into my secure system, taking joy every time I failed to stop them. I had evidently hit the limit of my expertise…
Memo to self: Hire a human to harden the Exterminators systems. And change my password. Again.
I gave a sigh as I continued to browse the site, looking for anything to distract myself with, until I found something I hadn’t seen in a while.
The Heartbreak killer. The first case I’d been shown proving that prey killed prey, a series of predator attacks that had turned out to be something the humans called “a serial killer”. Right at the bottom of the thread filled with theories and evidence gathering, including one annoying comment suggesting that I was the killer, was a single message left a few hours ago.
“What happened to this case, did we get any news?”
We hadn’t. The killer had killed three people, then hadn’t struck again; no leads, no more evidence, no new possible information. A thought started to creep into my mind: I had some spare time, I had the resources and newfound knowledge about human investigative skills, and there was nothing stopping me from giving this case a solid deep dive to see what I could uncover. Technically, it wouldn’t even be official Exterminator work, meaning it was fine, and I wasn’t breaking my promise to my best friend!
Joseph had told me to find a human hobby. Technically, human hobbies included solving cold cases…
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I'll try to keep it short. I feel like shit. Throwaway because he uses reddit.
We are in our mid 30s with two kids under three (6 month old and 2.5 year old).
So we're all hit with a nasty stomach flu. First the baby vomiting and diarrhea around the clock, and now the toddler and the both of us. I've been sleeping maybe 2 hours a night for the last 3 days. To say this has been the worst I've felt physically and mentally is an understatement but my job as their mom doesn't stop, so I'm powering through. We all have the same virus. We are all having the same symptoms.
I was in the kitchen cleaning bottles and making the toddler some soup because she has been vomiting all night. I asked my husband to take the baby out of a standing station and place him sitting on the ground with some toys. He heard me but ignored me as he continued to groan on the couch. I didn't repeat myself. Finally he put the baby down on his back which he hasn't been happy about. I told him to put the baby sitting up right. He heard and said the baby is fine, to which I said, no he'll cry. He ignored it and when back to the couch. The baby started fussing and I just lost it.
I called him a piece of shit. I screamed that he'd let me down as my partner in every single way. In front of our kids. He yelled at me and said why are u fucking cleaning, called me crazy and told me I'm a piece of shit back. I ran away in tears.
I don't think he's a piece of shit but I'm so hurt and angry and it just came out, and I did feel let down in that moment. I feel so much anger and resentment because I feel like it doesn't matter if I'm sick, I still have to do everything. I'm mostly ashamed I did this in front of my toddler. She understands a lot. I don't know how to face them now.
How big of an AH am I?

I'm a month and 13 days in and I had a wet dream I've been retaining my semen for all that time and I feel like my benefits have gone away I had better skin when I was retaining my semen but it's a good thing cause u have new fresh sperm so that means better skin that u used to have the problem is that my balls feel empty and they hurt is this normal?

I'm seventeen turning eighteen this year , I was always with hope that things turn out good , because i thought so , but lately nothing is going correct , it seems like everything wants to hurt me , things that never happened to me starts happening , things that never affects me starts affecting . No matter how much i study i end up failing , but sometimes when i end up not studying i get good grades , but it only works like rarely, I work like a dog day and night on any test and i try my best right ? Atleast i should pass right , no instead i end up failing and my teachers who have no idea goes oh do u just sleep at home ? . My parents forget about my hard work tbh they have a lot going on you know ? its not like its thier fault they have thier own battles and they decided to do the best option that was put me in hostel , But boy did they fumble so bad , I had eating disorder prior to me joining our hostel is like very strict no phone nothin no tab and thier teaching sucks and they expect us to score marks , so i started stress eating and i gained like 30 kgs in a year and a half do you hear me ? 30 kgs like who could have predicted my downfall none could have .
but yeah long story cut short i failed all of them i failed me and everyone around me and you know i put my faith on god and i decided to be like a good girl , i used to be like a rebel but now i started having like faith , going to temples but still i got very low marks i let everyone down and btw i listened to subliminials too
nothing works out idk what i shall do
how can i seek god idk tbh

basicly my mom died when i was 7. my dad married this woman, lets call her rachel. they got married when i was around 9ish and had two children who are my half siblings and i have one full sibling. but theyre in the process of a divorce rn. now lets say i live in america however im originaly from another country (lets say morroco). my aunt, from my dads side, (lets call her grace) moved in with us right before corona, she came to 'america' from 'moroco' to find a better job. corona hit and we've been stuck being roomates for 5 years at this point, im 16 rn and shes 32.
i would always spend months saving up money to buy myself nice things, like perfumes, makeup, clothes, stuff for my hair, etc. every single time i would buy something my aunt, grace would automaticly take it and claim ownership. she would put it in her car and refuse to give it back to me. she would always say that 'it was too hot outside' to go to the car, or sometimes even take it to her office and she would never give it back. just last week i got a really expensive perfume from my other aunt who comes from my moms side. ive been wanting this perfume for a year. the moment i got home from getting the perfume grace takes the perfume from me and starts smelling it. she says it smells really nice and gives it back to me. i put it in one of my bags and go to sleep. the next day i wake up and get ready for school and i cant find the perfume anywhere but she said she hasnt taken it, shes lying i can litteraly smell it on her. another thing is that she always smokes cigarets. i had bronchitis and she didnt want to stop smoking around me! which caused my bronchitis to get worse and the doctor recomended that i stay away from her because of how bad it got.
now my full sibling, lets call him alex, is 13 has a lot of problems. not like autism or anything but hes crazy. whenever we would get cakes or anything for birthdays he would eat the cake in ONE DAY A WHOLE A*S CAKE THAT WEIGHS 1KG IN ONE DAY. whenever we get any type of food he finish it all in once sitting. he always eats the really spicy instant noodles in secret which causes him to get very bad stomach problems. he has stolen over $5000 from me. my rooms lock and doorhandle broke a few years ago so i cant even close my door and my dad doesnt want to fix it. i always hide my money or try to keep it on me at all times however he always finds a way to find it. last time i litteraly cut one of my bras open and put the money in the padding and sewed it back up and he still managed to take the money. now ur prolly wondering how do i know for sure hes the one that takes the money. my aunt wont take money from me, only objects, my dad just wouldnt and the only person left in the house is alex. now unless you think my cat is stealing the money then it has to be him. i told my dad about this a billion times and he just keeps telling me "it wasnt alex no way". alex has gotten suspended 4 times since he started highschool (he started litteray 1 year ago). he's gotten into fights at least twice a month. he steals from the whole family not just me. hes stolen so much money from my dad and aunt asweel. he grafitied our neighboors house. whenever he gets something new like a gift like shoes or a game or something, he breaks it in one day. my dad is always making excuses for him and will not punish him for anything he does. my brother always hits me on my vagina and my boobs with belts and slippers and wooden spoons even when im on my period and my dad doesnt do anything about it.
so basicly now about this rachel woman. shes fucking psycotic. when they got married at the beggining she would always fight with me, i would get some crayons or markers to colour and draw with and she would take them from me saying that she wanted to draw. basicly she would act like a kid. a few months before corona she gave birth to my half sister, lets call her mia. she would PURPOSLY STARVE MIA BECAUSE SHE WANTED HER TO HAVE A SKINNY BODY. SHE WOULD STARVE A NEWBORN BRO. she would always put mia to sleep in the middle of the bed right next to my dad and my dad would only get less than an hour of sleep each night for at least two months scared that he was going to crush mia. and he tried to move mia back to her crib but she was already sleeping and if he moved her she would start crying and wouldnt go back to sleep. it got to the point where my dad WHO OWNS THE HOUSE AND EVERYTHING IN IT started sleeping on a carpet on the floor because he was so scared to hurt mia. during corona in 'america' we werent allowed to leave the house at all. we had to file an aplication every week to go grocery shopping and only one person from the whole household could leave the house. since my dad was the one earning the money he went grocery shopping. this one time rachel told my dad she wanted to leave the house so my dad told her next week he would file the aplication saying she leave the house instead. the next day rachel CALLS THE POLICE AND TELLS THEM THAT MY DAD IS HOLDING HER AND MIA HOSTAGE AND THAT HE KIDNAPPED THEM, keep in mind that shes a 32 year old woman. the police obviously come and check things out, my dad told him the story, our maid vouched for him and the security cameras were checked and then the police cleared my dad. a few days after that rachel decided she wants to go back to 'Morocco' because she missed her mom. (her mom is the one encoureging the behavior and encouriging starving mia). rachel said she would report my dad to the police for rape if he didnt let her go so he bought her a ticket and they went. a few days after that we found out that she was pregnant again. but by now corona was really bad and no one could travel.
basicly im not gonna write everything that happened in between then and now but basicly she demaded so many things from my dad around $10,000 monthly for child costs (she doesnt work, never has, even till now) (this is like 2022 by now) my dad does not have that type of money as he already sends them a lot of money and the costs of living in 'america' are a lot and he also has to take care of his parents because hes the oldest so he pays their bills and everything. he filled for divorce because she kept getting crazier, she would threaten to hurt the kids. he tried to get custody of the kids as it was hard because the law in 'moroco' sides with the woman most of the time. she keeps asking for more and more money and my dad went to court and the court set a certain amount. last summer when we went back to 'moroco' rachel and my dad agreed that my dad would take the kids for a full day. the kids were okay with it and had no problems. 2 hours after my dad took his kids from her she comes marching up to my grandparents house, my dads parents, and starts trying to do black magic and demanding that he give her the children back. a few months after that she asked my dad for more money for child care because both of them are starting school now so he sent a bit extra. she used this money to hire a lawyer in 'america' to investigate my dad so she can demand more money from him. today he got a call from one of her lawyers saying that she demands $30,000. since the law in both 'moroco and america' work very fast my dad needs to get a certain paper before firday (its wednsday 9pm at this moment) and if he doesnt then she can take the money from him or something like that im not sure.
i dont know what to do anymore im scared that we're gonna go bankrupt. my dad is paying for expenses for 4 people here in 'america', me him alex and my aunt grace because shes a free loader and is living here for free and refuses to get a job. he's paying for her living and my two half siblings,. the house that my dad aunt brother and me and living in today is under my dads name but alex and i own a bit of it because my dad bought it with my mom before she died and when she died it was split into 3 to me, my dad and my brother, part of it was also given to my grandfather from my moms side lets call him charles and charles demanded that we sell the house imediatly because he didnt want us living there anymore and there was nowhere we could go. my dad had to pay a lot of money to get us to keep the house. rachel wants half of everything my dad owns. that means half of the house, half of his salery half of everything. shes asking for $30,000 and my dad doesnt even make that much in two months.
anyway thats my vent hope u enjoyed. if you read till here congrats thank you! have a good day and a good life! :)

TOO LENGTHY STORY BUT I WOULD BE SUPER GRATEFUL IF YALL CARED TO TAKE UR TIME OUT AND HELPED ME OUT OF THIS:(
idk how to interpret what my heart is going thro atm but all what i feel is pure baffleness and anxiety. im so stuck that leaving him or even thinking about him is making me feel guilty about something ive never done and thoughts like he loves me tirelessly so how would he live without me? i just wanna pour all my love to him even if im not at peace and always feeling like all what is happening is wrong, wrong for my mental health and my personal wellbeing as i think i would no longer be able to give him love as heartfully as i did.
its just am at a point in which him expressing his love for me, his random ilys or some cheesy goofy talks arent giving me the same happiness it used to give in the past. there are multiple reasons which mightve led to this one of which includes him having girls on his sc even after controlling my whole uni life and keeping me away from boys, i literally broke friendships avoided people and being a bad character in my life just for the sake of us but when i discovered him doing something which was firslty not allowed to me and secondly it was what i didnt felt right about as every rls has dynamics and it just didnt matched ours.
the main issue which gave us a rough patch was when we were on my bday lunch date, my intuition was sensing something is happening fishy behind my back since our last 2 3 meetups as he always refused to give his phone in my hands even tho so far i didnt found something that if he is cheating on me but whatever it is its still so strange not to share with me about his snapchat female friends i wouldve been angry if he wouldve told me but later i wouldve accepted and wouldve asked for the sam permission which i did in our biggest fight last week. in the samefight last week he gave a reasoning that i didnt told u cause 'i didnt wanted to have male friends too blah blah' why tf he was having girls? even tho the vague explanation he gave me was just like we dont even talk and they re just friends. i dont even open their snaps, they were present before you and he even sweared upon it that he got nothing with 'em and that date day after i saw everything was ruined and the only thing i was wanting at that stage was my 2 female friends and their shoulder to cry upon as honestly my lord knows how much of uni life i sacrificed for him and totally alienated yet stopped myself from doing things he didnt wanted me to. that same day he promised me that he would block yet remove all of them but in the last meetup which was on this saturday, i asked him to see his sc all cause of my strong intuition as i had a gut feeling that things are still the same, he firstly hesitated a bit and started becoming goofy just to stop me but nvm i managed to see his sc which he showed himself whilst the phone was still in his hands and thats the point which made me sus and i wasnt satisfied then i managed to ask him to see for the second time and he with his strange guilty-felt behaviour showed me, i then immediately clicked on search bar as convos can be cleared frm mainscreen so yea there i found bunch of girls in that bsf list and this broke me hella hard and at that v moment i wasnt able to accept it as he himself said that theyre removed but nvm they werent which i discovered after he left as at that time i had initiall shock and he was about to leave so yea-
one more thing to add that i saw more than 2 girls there but he denied means he partially accepted and said theyre the same people on his insta and were only 2 but as far as i rmr they werent and yk the fact that he was so proud and wasnt accepting until i told him to screenshare on which he tried to hide but i caught him eventually as he scrolled so fast and said see theres noone and stopped the screen but still as God wanted me to show me so after he screen shared again, one person was left to be unfriended which he might missed and thats how i caught him.
the question is my tears doesnt matter? and him who actually accepted his mistake at the first encounter time and was literally like that 'ik im wrong ishouldnt have done it, i shouldve known how much it would hurt u' but still repeating the same thing and letting them there is something which didnt satisfied me till this date as are those girls that much imp? am i not the priority? my feelings or anything? still while writing this im like he loves me endlessly and im literally his bestie his partner and just everything so how can i leave him but tbvh since then im not feeling happy and its just my heart isnt permitting me.. fb searches/visits of 3 4 girls profiles etc etc that has been happening like multiple times upon which he never admitted rather always putted me in guilt that i dont trust him... even after our fight which was presumbly the last one as i had enough of his toxic behaviour(didnt knew it was until i shared everything with bestie) which idk is masculinity or claiming behaviour but ive always loved that and never even for once humiliated or said to him that im interrogating him or being so rude when angry or in guilt ive always been the one who said sorry as i want to save us all cause he loved me so much and we both did alot but idk after this above issue i lost trust and i was hurt to the core as it hurt me so bad and he still managed to manipulate me and i didnt left. but for the first time ever in that fight i had my dominancy as he was guilty of something and i was expressing all what i had even tho im still not satisfied after his reasonings and the conclusion we made after that fight was that i made him promise me that he needs to proove himself and win my trust back again which he promised and told dont leave me and was later crying on vc which broke me as he told at that same time his father scolded him so bad and he was so weak at that moment that i felt pity yet the urge to fly over to him and calm him down as he was like im not a good bf nor a son. its just idk what im writing but i love him sfm that i just cant even if it involves sacrificing my mental health as in the past i was being tortured with words hella alot if boys even came in my convo or slightly involved in my uni life and the end was always me crying hard and loosing sleep. iwas in the circle then but now as i managed to see frm outside ,after i told it all to my soulsis my bestie, it feels so unfair.
even to mention that day's timeline was him crying, begging me to stay, having that anxiety attack after thinking his life without me all whilst being in my arms when i told him that maybe im loosing feelings for him (whose reason was the words he said to me when we had a fight after discovering that fb thing which he promised he wont do again.) and that sameday i discovered that sc thing for the second time and us having a big argument abt it as i asked for space etc but he was later able to convince me not to leave.
then certain re-ignition yet being head over heels over someone in my uni whom i liked as a person he was since last 6 months but i never had that strong feeling of love (idk what it is but my bestfr says that its love) until lastweek out of nowhere which made my situation super worse maybe it was after the prayer i made to Lord that give me whats better for me so maybe he paved ways and gave signs as since then things are developing between him and i and ik he loves me too but at the same time we both are hiding and unable to accept as he got goals maybe and im loyal to my bf... we never even for once flirted but its just the eyes and heart and how genuinely i speak about him which changes it all, the fact that we dont even have interaction as much as i always limited it till studies and he is a very gentleman type of person so yea i hope it makes sense even my bestfr says the same that maybe he is the one u deserve but nvm i cantt leave my bf and it would be hella hard as he is highly dependent on my love which i want to give yet i cant even imagine my life without him and he literally knows everything about me, we planned our eveything together, his whole fam knows and its been a long time we planned a long term thing but most importantly i dont want to hurt anyone thro my existence neither him nor that uni boy. thats literally the last thing i want and now im stuck condemning myself that its all my fault to feel this way about that uni boy and still loving my bf.
and due to some sort of developments and the convo with that uni boy is getting bit more comfortable, my besties adviced me that they think i should rather let him know that im in a rls otherwise he would get hurt but what if he judged my character and stopped talking to me afterwards? but nvm my friend told me to avoid him and whenever our convo goes out of studies i shouldnt.
im super stuck to what to do and my heart isnt at peace even its so hard to reply to his love txts and im feeling literally so bad about it as im constantly having that urge to cry whenever we talk, which is like alot yk as we're always on vcs or talking thro txts, cause he loves me and now i lost my feelings for him its just idk what my heart wants, im such a bad human a bad gf and ijdk what in this fucking world my heart wants me to do, maybe i would never be happy in my life ever.
ill appreciate that u made it till here, i got very bad explanatory skills but i hope atleast u mightve got an idea of my situation and i would be super glad to yalls advices as im literally suffering so bad. i need ur help and how to cope up with this situation.
PLS MENTION ME IN UR PRAYERS:)
ILY GUYSS

A friend of mine started playing Fates for the first time, so once again I got bitten by the “complaining about Fates” bug. In particular, watching chapter 18 of Conquest again after so many years really got me going, and while the general consensus I’ve seen online about this chapters writing was negative, I wasn’t that satisfied by any of the overviews of it I read. I decided to give it a shot myself.
Dissecting why something doesn’t work is fun and all, but I think it’s also important to be constructive which is why I wanted to rewrite this chapter alongside my criticisms. I really do think there’s a lot of potential here that could have been the highlight of the entire story, and so I’d love to try my hand rewriting this chapter to be what it could have been rather than what we got. I have most of it done already, but Reddit only has so many characters before it cuts you off and this post is plenty long enough as is, so I’ll save that for another part coming up soon. This will be part 1, explaining what the chapter is and elaborating on my issues with it, while part 2 will be rewriting it along with my thought process and explanations.
Recap: https://fireemblem.fandom.com/wiki/Black_%26_White/Script
Corrin and Co are traveling when they decide to rest for the night at the nation of Izumo. They are greeted by Izana, the archduke of the kingdom, who seems to be a real goofball. After introducing himself, the levity is ended when it’s revealed the entire Hoshidan family has been invited here as well! Before any swords can be undrawn, Izana tells both parties that the kingdom has a strict neutrality pact neither of them can violate.
The scene cuts to later, where Ryoma enters Corrin and Xanders room to talk with them. Xander and Ryoma’s argument is cut short when Ryoma is dragged off by Nohrians. Turns out “Izana” is actually a Nohrian mage named Zola, who disguised himself to trick the Hoshidan royal family into a trap. Corrin and Xander don’t approve of such dishonorable methods to win, however, and fight to rescue their captives with Xander saying “we’ll win this war with honor or die trying”. After Leo kills Zola, the game cuts to later where we see Nohrians and Hoshidans alike having a meal, much to the delight of the real Izuma, who turns out is exactly as bizarre as the fake impression. Xander and Ryoma confirm with eachother that their fight will continue as usual, but Corrin states that no matter what happens they’re grateful they got to see both families eating together even if it’s not under the best circumstances, and the chapter ends with them saying they’ll revel in this feeling.
So on paper, I think this chapter is a great idea. Despite being at war, when one family is at the total mercy of the other, they lend a hand instead of kicking them while they’re down. This highlights how the two nations could accomplish so much together if only they weren’t at war with eachother. If utilized well, this could have been a great “eye of the tornado scene” emphasizing how tragic it is that these two families who share so much in common are forced by fate to fight eachother, making it all the more sorrowful when that’s brought to it’s conclusion through bloodshed. This would also encourage Conquest players to buy Birthright in a natural and subtle way as well now that they’ve had a nice sample of the other side. Of course, I don’t think this chapter was utilized well, and after reading the script again I believe it boils down to three major problems.
-Problem 1: The Lack of Worldbuilding Causes the Conflict to be Driven by Contrivances.
This is one of the many instances where the lack of fleshing out the world and it’s rules out really hampers the weight of the scenes. Unlike Awakening where there was a general cause-and-effect outlining the level structure, all of the Fates routes are much more individual and self-contained when it comes to chapters. This means the game has to really stretch itself to justify this elaborate setup being brought up and solved in one single chapter of regular length, and it’s very apparent when you write out the summary of events here.
Corrin and his army are just walking by when they happen upon the capital of the country. Corrin decides this would be a great place to rest for the night at and are instantly welcomed by its leader, who is also the only person in the game of that country. The entire Hoshidan family also just happen to bump into us because they coincidently came here at roughly the same time, with somehow neither party noticing the other until they were staring at eachother in the same room.
The only thing we know about this new nation we’ve never seen or heard about before is that it’s a peace-loving land with some sort of neutrality pact which means the two nations can’t fight here. What is the importance of this place that would entice all the Hoshidan royals to come over for a banquet in the middle of their country being invaded? Never explained. What exactly is this pact and what power does Izuno have to enforce it, if any? Never explained. Xander, prince of a nation at war and frontline general, has never heard of it. How does Garon or Iago never figure out or look into what happened here, considering the royals walked through their trap unharmed and everybody in charge of the trap vanished? Never brought up.
How many times here was this supposedly major event dependent on coincidences, seemingly important details left completely unexplained, and characters not knowing things that should be basic information of the world they live in? Things like all this quickly build up and make the world feel small scale and artificial, as if nothing truly exists until it’s in the peripheral vision of main characters. In a vacuum, this could all be excusable if the main meat of the chapter was just so dense and important that they just want a convenient excuse to delve into it. But about that…
-Problem 2: Nothing happens, either character-wise or plot-wise.
This is the only scene in both Birthright and Conquest where all eight of the royal families are together in one spot, and they’re unable to fight eachother. What a brilliant idea! How many great scenes could you come up with from this setup alone? How many directions could this move towards?

-The families bonding over their memories with Corrin (X)
-Calling eachother out for uncool actions, like Ryoma refusing to help Elise or Nohr siccing monsters on farming villages (X)
-Working together to defeat some threat they’d have trouble taking down on their own (X)
-Some cultural exchange (X)
-Some melancholy scene where, even if there’s a lot of resentment, they acknowledge how this may be the last time they ever get to have a meal with Corrin. (Somewhat?)
-Corrin sits down and has a mature conversation with his birth family elaborating on their choice to stay with Nohr (X)
-Some negotiation or debate between the two families about the future of their countries relationship, successful or not (X)
-Corrin being formally declared by the Hoshidan royals as a Nohrian, officially cutting them out of the family (X)

So what does Conquest do with this prompt? It does the unexpected route where all of them but Ryoma are shuffled out as soon as they’re introduced, captured offscreen, rescued offscreen, most of their dinner is offscreen, finishing their meal and leaving is offscreen, all of them sans Ryoma have barely any dialog, and none of them are even present in any of the CG’s.
We actually start off strong, Ryoma and Xander naturally puff out their chest and don’t get along when they’re in the same room, but seem to calm down when Corrin elaborates on how similar they are to eachother. But the game is so eager to get to fighting that it drags Ryoma away kicking and screaming before he even gets to share what he had to say to Corrin, let alone explore what having common ground means to the two of them.
1) I understand this is the Nohrian route so it makes sense the focus is mostly on them, but Takumi only gets three lines here, one of which is “…” Hinoka also only gets three lines, which I think is still more than she got in Birthright, and two of those lines are “You!” and “What are you doing here?”. Sakura lucks out as she’s the only sibling on either side who has anything to say whatsoever when Corrin says they’re grateful they could share another meal with the Hoshidans. That’s a start, but the fact remains Ryoma is the only sibling in the chapter whose remotely relevant, the rest could be omitted and nothing would change. They are only here to be damsels in distress heightening the stakes of defeating the local bad guy rather than providing any character development, checking up on how they are doing without Corrin and Azura, comparing and contrasting their differences between their counterparts, sharing any new information about them, foreshadowing Takumi’s possession, any notable interactions with their counterparts, etc. But no, nothing happens.
2) I also understand this is a video game and they don’t have all the time in the world before the next fight has to happen, yet Conquest is oddly completely uninterested in it’s own set-up. Zola, a minor chapter boss introduced and killed in this chapter, has more screentime and relevance here than any of the siblings, something you’d think would be the actual meat of the chapter they’d want to delve into.
The implications and weight of two dueling nations and families obligated to pause their fighting and dine with eachother could easily take up two or even three chapters as a pivotal arc, yet it’s completely blazed through as if the game considered it a cute novelty rather than a potential life-changing or history-changing moment. Simply put, it’s wasted potential, as if to say “Oh both of the two families meeting in a game about choosing between mutually exclusive families? Eh whatever.”
I wanna stick with just this chapter and not rewrite a good chunk of the entire story, but I can’t stress enough that in any other game this chapter would be the plot-defining moment paving the new way forward rather than chapter 15’s “we’ll expose Garon as a monster by helping him invade an innocent people.”
Neither of the two families are fighting because they outright want to, this isn’t a war about irreconcilable differences or mutually exclusive goals, the only reason for any conflict whatsoever as far as the game has shown us is that the guy in charge of Nohr is a sociopath who threatens to kill his own children at the drop of a hat. Sure, they probably won’t hold hands singing kumbaya after one extended conversation with eachother, but when all of them are in a truce far away from Garon’s authority having a meal together, nothing significant comes out of it plot-wise?
In fact, at the end of the day what significance happened here at all?

• -We learned about a new country, but we know very little about it and (other than Izama potentially joining the party later) absolutely none of it will be relevant after this chapter anyways.
• -Well, maybe this place is just set dressing so we have an excuse to meet up with our siblings again, but then nobody has any meaningful interactions, new info to share, planning ahead, or character development resulting from sharing scenes with them.
• -Then is the primary focus supposed to be on how this situation affects the Nohrian family? The antagonist and the conflict he brings is introduced and quickly solved without any consequences, with all the siblings instantly in agreement about stopping him. They don’t really talk amongst eachother about their feelings or how to go forward.

If there’s no juicy character interactions or exploration, and no setting up future events, then presumably the point of this big moment of Corrin and Xander leaping to save their enemies was made to show off that despite working in the same army, our heroes are indeed better than the swarms of war criminals under Nohr’s name we’ve seen and would never tolerate such things under normal circumstances. They’ve talked the talk about disagreeing with their father’s cruel methods, now here’s proof they’ll walk the walk, aren’t they such noble people? The way this is done however, opens up another can of worms…
-Problem 3: Protags come off as dicks
While our heroes are indeed more likeable and moral than blatant monsters like Garon and Hans, liking peace and disliking war crimes is not enough of a reason for a pat on the back. Our protags might not be burning villages for fun, but it’s difficult to take their proclaimed goal of peace seriously considering both the context of working for people who DO burn villages for fun and they way they handle themselves when presented with an opportunity to work on this supposed goal.
Corrin and Azura

• This is not seeing things under the worst possible interpretation to be a stick in the mud, Nohr is indeed invading Hoshido for no apparent reason and leaving war crimes wherever it’s armies go. Everybody in the building is aware of this to some extent.
  
• Azura and Corrin’s grand plan to expose Garon as a slime monster to his family indeed involves directly helping Garon conquer Hoshido, which they acknowledge will bring destruction and suffering that the nation and royal family have done nothing to deserve.
  
• Corrin and Azura are indeed presented with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity here to sit down behind closed doors and communicate anything, just anything significant at all, to the royal family that still seems to value them, but our heroes don’t even try or seem to acknowledge that. Corrin doesn’t have any interactions with them that last more than a sentence or two, and Azura is never acknowledged nor speaks to them.
  
• And yet despite, all this, both Corrin and Azura are quite pleased with the turn of events here, with Corrin acknowledging they’ll “probably try to kill eachother next time they see eachother” but that they’ll “revel in this feeling.”
  

Azura in particular is problematic here. During Odovakar 's excellent overview of the problems with Fates writing, he goes into detail about how Azura’s line about “this is all quite heartwarming. We're like one big family...albeit, a dysfunctional one.” in particular comes off as incredibly tone deaf and tasteless given the circumstances of Azura and Corrin marching on one family’s homeland for the sake of the other family. What I think was also worth noting is the context leading up to that line…

Sakura: I was just, um...th-thinking...it's really nice to finally see you again. I'm glad you... I'm glad you f-found a way to be happy... Corrin: Sakura... I'm happy to see you too. Sakura: R-really? You mean it?! Oh, Corrin! Elise: HMPH! Back off, you! He/She's my brothesister! MINE! Sakura: Ah! I'm s-sorry! Corrin: Elise! Mind your manners, little one. Elise: But she's trying to take you away from me... She's my archnemesis

Whether intentional or not, this is actually a very clever microcosm of the family’s conflict acted out by the youngest and most innocent among them who probably weren’t even born when the conflict started. The Hoshidan loves their sibling, but their time with Corrin is interrupted by the Nohrian shoving them away and declaring Corrin for themselves. This is a great way to challenge our protags to some introspection about themselves.

Azura: Heehee! Corrin: Azura? Did you just...giggle?

Instead, Azura just finds this a real knee-slapper. I understand maybe this is just meant to be a cute image of imoutos fighting over oni-chan Corrin and nothing more, but the context makes it very hard to swallow the narrative’s insistence that all this is “heartwarming” as Azura puts it. Keep in mind that all the Hoshidan nobles are sitting at the same table watching all this. Do you think Ryoma also finds it funny that his little sister is scared off and declared an archnemesis by the daughter of the man who killed his father in cold blood? Do you think Hinoka also thinks it's like one big dysfunctional family when Corrin is preparing to march on her homeland with an army?
I get it, I totally know what they were going for, and in a vacuum it could be a great line making for a properly bittersweet moment. “Even if the two are at eachothers throats and the future is bleak, me and Azura are grateful we get to have at least one big normal dinner together like a real family.”
But the future is bleak because of Corrin and Azura participating in an invasion, the families are at eachothers throats partially because Corrin and Azura haven’t accomplished anything to reform Nohr. If anything, Corrin should feel great shame here. Elise just unintentionally reenacted the history between the nations where Nohr was clearly in the wrong, and Corrin is sitting directly across and staring at the family who’ve done nothing wrong to him yet are going to be hurt because of Corrin’s decision. Grateful they could spend time with them again? Maybe. But cheerful and laughing?

ProZD: D-did an alien write this game? blows gently

But at least Corrin doesn’t show outright contempt for the family they’re screwing over…
Xander and Leo

Xander: Corrin! There's no need to insult me like that. I could not possibly be anything like this sorry excuse for a prince. … Xander: We will win with honor or die trying. Come, Corrin. Let us go set free our sworn enemy. … Corrin: Heh, sorry... It's just that you and Ryoma really are so much alike. If you weren't on opposite sides of a war, I think you could have been great friends. Xander: Yeesh... Do me a favor and keep that nonsense in your head where it belongs. … Xander (to Ryoma): We only acted as Nohrian royals should. When we leave this place, you'll be nothing but an enemy to be defeated once more.

Okay, but why? Ryoma is not the one Xander overheard laughing to himself about how much he’s going to make Corrin suffer. How are the Hoshidan royals “nothing but enemies to be defeated” here when they’re just trying to defend their homeland from somebody who assassinated their king at a peace meeting? Where is all this contempt from Xander coming from?
It’s perfectly understandable he doesn’t get along super well with Ryoma because of the tensions between their nations, that makes sense, but I see no reason for why Xander is making several petty insults to his face unprompted, let alone so nonchalant and even somewhat eager to get back to waging a war Xander himself calls “a senseless war of greed and madness” in the epilogue.
He doesn’t treat his own people much better this chapter, declaring Zola and his henchmen as “traitors” to be “dealt with” for their dishonorable methods when ironically Zola taking over the country by disguising himself as the archduke is actually one of the least evil and self-destructive things we’ve seen the kingdom do so far. It must be emphasized that every sibling was in the same room watching Garon demand Xander kill Corrin if he interferes with killing POWs for his amusement, and half of them were in the same room when Garon ordered his henchmen to murder every singer they can find in a neutral country. So a few hundred or thousand innocent people, most of whom would presumably be young woman, murdered to snuff out potential assassins. Or Garon directly ordering the deaths of unarmed civilians in chapter 13 with Hans relaying “Villagers are just soldiers who haven’t picked up a sword yet.”
Xander talks a big game in this chapter about how “we’ll win this war with honor or die trying”, but how do you honorably win a war when your nation is constantly and openly rushing to pointless overkill brutality like this at every turn? What moral high ground does this country have that Xander is so determined to preserve he kills loyal soldiers over what he sees as sullying it, when at no point in the game does the influence of Nohr ever do anything but make life significantly worse? His sudden fervor towards doing the right thing is completely contrasted later on when Xander is the one telling Corrin there’s no justice to be found in war and you just gotta do what you gotta do rather than what’s morally right, in response to Corrin being upset the Nohrian army is killing woman and children who looked at them funny.

“Justice is an illusion, a fairy tale…Letting innocents die is a tragedy, but so is letting the chance for peace slip away. This is war. There is no such thing as a clean win when lives are on the line.”

“Justice is just a fairy tale, innocent people getting screwed over is something we have to accept in war because there’s no such thing as a clean win! But also we better win this senseless war of greed and madness with honor or die trying!”

• If “justice is an illusion”, how is killing Nohrian soldiers to free people who are apparently “nothing but enemies to be defeated” so you can fight them later on terms you prefer, directly prolonging a war which will lead to much more deaths on both sides, for the benefit of Nohr? By Xanders own logic, is this not letting the chance for peace slip away since there’s no such thing as a clean win? Forget Garon and Iago, I’m confident the citizens back home whose loved ones got conscripted would be the ones demanding his head if they found out about this. A very charitable interpretation is that ending the war this specific way will cause more chaos and fighting in the long-term compared to if they conquered and oppressed an innocent nation fair and square, but that’s nowhere to be found in the script whatsoever.
  
• If Xander believes in “We’ll win this war with honor or die trying”, why is he still following Garon? Garon is winning the war in part thanks to honorless and extreme acts of cruelty like blackmailing the Ice Tribe or making an example out of Scarlet’s body, yet instead of taking action against him like he does with Zola, Xander is instead the most loyal sibling to him to the point Corrin decides the best way to get him on his side is to expose Garon as a literal slime monster? Where’s Xander’s zeal of “Come Corrin, let’s go save our sworn enemies” when his father orders Hans is go through killing injured and surrendering foes who were promised they be spared? Where’s his conviction shown here about “not letting treachery go unpunished” when his father outright says he couldn’t care less about the welfare of his people and he’ll just kill anybody who complains to make an example?
  

I understand one might get the impression I’m going off topic or selectively picking and choosing quotes here from all over the game, but no matter how you look at it Xanders beliefs, morality, and priorities are just all over the place depending on what the plot needs him to do. This means not only is his motivation for helping his enemies here faulty no matter how you look at it, but it also makes the extreme lengths he goes to do so, killing his own subjects who won him victory on a silver platter because it wasn’t a “proper” victory, come off as baselessly self-righteous at best and outright cruel at worst.
I’m sure the game would assure us Zola and all his mooks are terrible people who had it coming, but the issue is no matter how virtuous you portray Xander and creepy you portray Zola, Xander is still directly managing the war for a megalomaniac and helping him achieve his goals in spite of his long history of open sadism and public crimes that make Zola look like a saint. By ignoring the clear root cause of Nohr's dishonor while going this hard against random goon's participating in dishonor, instead of being a gallant preserver of morals, he comes off like a bully who selectively picks and choices punishment.
On the topic of punishment, it particularly rubs me the wrong way how Leo just casually mercs Zola at the end, keep in mind Birthright confirms for all his faults he actually isn’t a complete monster like Garon and dies trying to help the protag.

Leo (smiling portrait): You’d probably rather die than live with the shame, correct? In that case…
Zola: Eek! No, please! M-m-milord... I was wrong! S-so wrong! I have seen the error of my ways! P-please...spare my unworthy life!!
Leo (still smiling): Make peace with it, Zola. Perhaps on the other side you will find forgiveness.

Leo makes a fair argument that the stakes are too high and Zola can’t be trusted not to snitch, but this is bit sadistic, no? One of the most powerful people in the country is smug and sarcastic as he’s getting ready to execute somebody whose bleeding on the ground begging for his life and genuinely confused as to why we’re upset with him. I know the intent of “I was wrong! I have the seen the error of my ways!” is supposed to be him saying whatever Leo wants to hear to weasel out of punishment, but that’s exactly the thing, he’s fully cooperating and doing everything he can to appease this guy. And then he’s just killed like a dog without trial or final words, presumably using the spell that skewers you with tree branches.
Didn’t the game use killing defeated foes like this to establish Garon as a bloodthirsty monster? Why is Corrin just standing there watching this happen? This exact same scenario in Birthright has them jump to spare Zola, but here their disapproval is very meek and only voiced after the deed is already done. It’s still apparently too much for Leo though, who chastises Corrin for being “too soft…I envy your innocence.” And then he declares the matter settled on their behalf.
I’m sure this scene was meant to show off Leo’s pragmatism and strategy skills, but it just makes him look like a sociopath and Corrin look spineless. And that’s the biggest issue with this chapter to me, more than the plot being driven by contrivances that aren’t explained or the lack of any character development or interesting scenes taking advantage of the setup, the actions and dialog of our protags don’t match the noble heroes the narrative insists they are:

• Corrin is openly enjoying spending time with innocent people they’re throwing under the bus so Corrin won’t have to risk their relationship with the Nohrian siblings by directly fighting Garon. They then clearly disapprove of Leo executing a surrendering foe begging for mercy but stand idle watching it happen.
• Azura sits directly across her former family who’ve been very negatively impacted by her decisions and actions, and will continue to be so in the future, yet she’s giggling about the conflict and doesn’t seem to be taking the fact that her two families might kill each other seriously.
• Xander insults Ryoma as a sorry excuse for a prince, and afterwards kills his own subjects to prolong a war of aggression so it can be won the way he personally wants it to be won.
• Leo seems to be having a good time killing somebody who’s surrendered and begging for his life. He then chides Corrin for being “too soft” when they wish that didn’t have to happen.
• And again, for no apparent reason, neither Corrin or Azura do the bare minimum to clue to the Hoshidans about what’s going on or even have a meaningful conversation with them despite claiming to care for them. This is the golden opportunity they were hoping for, yet they apparently spend the entire dinner instead talking to eachother about how happy they themselves are.

These are not the actions of heroic characters.
Summary: Overall, this is a very bizarre chapter. It feels like something meaningful happens here at first glance, your brain sees what’s going on and knows that this is supposed to be a huge moment. Peaceful music playing, a very well-drawn CG of dozens of individual units, liberating a country from Nohrian control, Corrin and Azura are happy and say some lines that sound like they should be deep and impactful.
But when you step back and analyze the bigger picture and context, you find that more or less embodies all of Fates writing, both good and bad. It has a brilliant premise that gets your mind going, excellent presentation to accompany it, and some individual scenes or dialogue in a vacuum are very welcome. If you’re a casual player who just wants context for your favorite characters fighting, it’s easy to feel satisfied at first glance and move on thanks to those factors, especially since the gameplay and MyCastle are very fun. At the same time, there’s no denying the severe flaws that hamper the experience.
Despite being the hyped-up main draw of the chapter, our exciting premise that opens so many doors is almost completely neglected in favor of (once again) exposition on meaningless settings and characters that aren’t relevant anywhere else and also reminding us how evil Nohr is, to the point the chapter title is Black and White. The context makes it very difficult to take the plight of our heroes seriously due to their lack of action (both before and in the present) to achieve their proclaimed goal despite ample opportunity, the proaction they do have being unnecessarily extreme and self-serving, and a narrative that insists they are in the right at every turn despite the results clearly showing us otherwise. There’s definitely bits and pieces of something great buried in all this teasing us, otherwise I wouldn’t be interested enough to write this much all these years later, but as is it’s just a mess. An enjoyable mess, but a mess all the same.

But what do you guys think of Conquest Chapter 18: Black and White? Do you also consider it a wreck, or was there something positive here you believed I missed? What would you like to see in a potential rewrite of it?

Thank you to Space paladin for the canvas and u/Acceptable_Egg5560 for proofreading and critique
Content warning; Educator abuse and syrupy love
[First]-[Prev]-[Next]
Memory transcript: Maarchal , MESEA Astronomers. Date: [Standard Farsul calendar ] January 26th, 3667
PLUNCK
Ponthyts blue stick clattered on the board, rolling around in a circle. Before settling on three. He then pumps his paw and moves to move a soldier that many paces.
“Well, I got you cornered now, whatcha going to do about it?” I smirk at Ponthyts soon to be dashed confidence as I take out my red stick and flip in the air much higher than he did with his own.
It hits the board with a loud clatter, bouncing on each end before settling on rolling. To which it landed on seven. I move my last interceptor through his ranks and take his general. The gobsmacked look on his features was evident, with his previously wagging tail so still it made stone seem fluid.
“I win.”
“How did you do that?”
I rolled my shoulders and readjusted my legs underneath. “Well, you left a clear path for my interceptor.” I pointed to the gaps in his remaining pieces.
“I know that! I mean how did you know you'd get a high enough number to do that? Your interceptor was all the way back here and it's your last red piece!!!”
I lean my head back and lean against the wall behind me. “I didn't, I just saw an opportunity and took it.”
He pointed a digit at me “ Mershit, that was some grandmaster trap!”
I give him the ear position of resignation with a mirthful little grin. “I promise you it was just luck.”
He waves his paw dismissively. “I don't believe you.”
“Well believe it, because I don't plan ahead like that. Want to play another game?”
He shakes his head. “Nah I think four games is enough for one night.” He begins moving the pieces into their containers and folds up the board and places it on top of them. Closing the box. He then stands up and offers me his paw, I use it to pull myself up off the floor.“Well Maarchal, I’ll see you tomorrow at the observatory. I’ll bring the set if you want to play it during lunch if you want.”
I froze, “what! What time is it? He turns over to look at the clock above his strove.
“Ahh about Fifteen minutes past 18.”
“Uh, that's not that late! We could play another game! C’mon let's have a tie breaker!”
He rubs his eyes, “I’m tired and we have work in the morning. Is there something you're avoiding?”
I rub my upper right arm and look off into the corner. “...”
He took on a worried look, “Why don't you want to go home Maarchal?”
I sighed and took a seat at his dining room table. “I… I don't like that house, I’ve lived there since I moved to LIghra six years ago but it's not a… home like here.”
I looked around at the messy abode. Dirty cloaks were strewn about on the back of chairs and the rubbish trough was just barely not overflowing. Paintings either from family or Ponthyts own paw were hanged up in the hallways, and the lightbulbs cast a warm orangish light. While the dishes from our dinner were placed in the sink, covered with animal gravy slathered all over them. It was tidy yet just barely so. A place filled with all the markers of being lived in.
“You've lived here less than a year but it feels like it's always had you in it. I feel … so comfortable here. My own home is so… cold and sterile. I Worked a lot the first few months I moved here. I just never got around to making it a home. It feels so bare, I started to work overtime just to avoid it. Which just made the problem worse.”
He sat down across from me, He put his head in his paws and looked at the scratched wood of his table. He held that position for a minute or two before breaking it and placing his paw on my own. “Maarchal, you are my best friend, I want you to feel comfortable. So if you want you can sleep on my coach, I can also help you make your home feel like one."
​
I shake my head, “no no, I shouldnt of imposed on you. Making myself feel at home is a job I need to do and have been avoiding for far too long. It's just… it's just so much easier to avoid you know?” I grabbed his paw and squeezed it. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
​
I stand up and make my way to his front door before he speaks up.
​
“Uh hey Maarchal?”
​
I turn to address him “yeah?”
​
He shifts in his seat and fidgets with his fingers. “I’m uh, going to Ootra lake next week. I was wondering If you'd like… to come with me? I promise if you don't have a tent I’ll bring you one. We could have a fire, roast some meat on it and share ghost stories and stargaze… if you want?”
​
“ What about work?”
​
He rocks in his chair. “We'd have to call in for a day or so.”
​
I contemplated his words and mulled them over. It would be the first time I’ve ever willingly taken off a day, tarnishing my perfect attendance. But the prospect of spending more one on one time with Ponthyt was overwhelmingly tempting.
​
“Sure, I’d love to go. But I haven't gone camping for years so you will need to bring me a tent.”
​
He leapt from his chair, launching it backwards, before calming himself down. “I’ll take care of all the prep. You just have to come along. I promise it’ll be loads of fun!”
​
I chuckled while I watched his clearly restrained display as I slowly closed the door.
​
I could hear him howl with enjoyment as I turned into the driveway to get to my auto.
​
**\*
​
“Huff, Huff, you doin alright there Ponthyt?” I turned back to see him walking behind me.
​
“Yeah, oof I haven't walked this much in years!”
​
I waited for him to catch up, we sat together when he did and we caught our breath before tuning to make our way back up the bluff. When we reached it there was a stone gazebo made of limestone. The angle of the sun let it shine into it. We walked into it and sat down on the stone benches. I looked around at the lake.
​
It was surrounded by steep hills with many rock faces visible, the layered stone was clearly visible. The topography of the area around the bluffs was shaped like a bowl, with the sight of land of higher elevation faintly visible in the distance despite its gradual slope. Giving a scene of depth that was not as extreme then in more mountainous areas. This view was normally hidden by the trees below.
​
“Well isn't this view alone worth the trip?” Ponthyt proclaimed.
​
I looked around letting the mid morning sun warm my back, I stretched my arms and breathed deeply. Taking in all the wonderful scents of nature.
​
“Yeah, it's beautiful.” I let myself relax, just letting the sounds and scents of nature calm me like I have never been since I was a pup on an archeological trip with mom and dad.
​
“Hmm, I've missed this.”
​
I don't know for how long I had been like this, but Ponthyt broke the silence “Ahhem, so, you've gone camping before?”
​
I nodded, “yeah when I was a pup my parents would sometimes go off to a site for a couple of weeks and we would come with them. We would have to get homeschooled then. But we would always have to camp and I and my siblings would go off exploring while they worked during the day.”
​
He smiled and his tail was wagging.” That sounds wonderful. I only got to camp for a couple days a year. It was always so hectic. Me and my siblings would just muck around the camp and eat, sometimes hiking around. Heh” Ponthyt looked towards the ground and held his paws together, rubbing his digits together.
​
“What's wrong Ponthyt?”
​
“Oh it's nothing it's-” I put my paw on his shoulder which drew his attention towards me.
​
“I know that's not true, you can trust me. Just tell me what's wrong ok?”
​
He gave a look of reluctance before caving to my request “… sigh… I grew up in a big family, and I love them all but… I was born at a strange time. I was second to last of my parents pups. Which meant they were busy with the older ones' events and taking care of the youngest. I kind of got mixed up and forgotten. My interests rarely lined up with the others and I often messed up tasks that my sibling would just fix or do for me. It got to the point that I… didn't really do anything. They will never say this but… I don't think my parents ever expected anything of me.”
​
I rub his shoulder,” well… I know that you have amounted to something. I mean, you're an astronomer! You work to understand the nature of reality. You're also so… kind and patient. I tried to scare you off but you weren't deterred at my standoffish behavior.”
​
He turned his head and gave me a shallow but joyous expression. “Heh well living in a house that's rarely quiet leaves you with a high tolerance for stubbornness. '' he wipes away a single tear “Sniff well… should we make our way back to camp? Or can I take out my stuff?”
​
I shake my head. ”Nah, you can paint. I’ll just sit here and let this place wash over me.”
​
He smiles and gets up and sets up his easel, taking out his supplies from his bag and gets to work painting the landscape ahead of him. He was slow and each brushstroke was as deliberate as he could manage. He… wasn't very good, only starting out when he moved here. But his drive to get better was admirable. Even in adulthood he tried to learn, to grow, to become more than he was yesterday.
​
I kept staring at him. Feeling something warm in my gut, something an academic wasn't supposed to feel. Shame overwhelmed me and I quickly turned away. Cursing myself for having those accursed feelings.
​
​
**\*
​
Ponthyt, returned from his cauto (Cargo auto -> pickup truck) with an armful of wood he brought with us. He set most of it aside and threw a piece onto the fire he had started, causing a cascade of embers to fly into the late evening air. The dull purple of the sky cast overhead between the canopy of the trees as the chill of the night began to come in. A pleasant coolness that most would take advantage of to seek the comfort of warming oneself close to a fire.
​
Not me, I paced to a fro as Ponthyt set up our campsite. He had placed his painting for the day inside the cabin of his cautoa and was now seasoning some raw meat strips to cook on the open fire. Snacking on one or two as he did so. He hung them on the tripod to roast, the fat that dripped off them as they were cooking sizzled as they burned on the coals below.
​
“I’ll have these done as soon as I can, please sit down Maarchal. Walking like that is only going to make the wait worse.” He says as he prods the suspended meat with a claw like utensil.
​
“Hmm, ok I’ll just sit and wait. Waste my time. Make a waste of the whole evening!!!” I snapped back at him, throwing my paws into the air.
​
Ponthyt recoils from my outburst with his ears pinned back. “ We’re camping, there is no way to waste it.”
​
I turned to address him, “we shouldn't be here! This trip means nothing and we are just wasting our TIME!!!” I cross my arms and scratch at the biceps. Rufflying the fur and making a mess of myself.
​
Ponthyt drops his utensil and walks over to me. “ We’re together and we spent the whole day just mucking about. How is this any more of a waste than that?” He says as he looks at me with eyes full of worry.
​
“We’re scientists, academics!!! We don't waste time like the ignorant masses! We should spend our time wisely!!! Every action of connection is just another moment we waste that could be spent to advance our field.” I had tears forming in the corners of my eyes. Scratching at my fur until I felt a wetness on my arms and paws.
​
“We’re supposed to sharpen our minds! No-not seek pointless relationships! ” I said as I bared my teeth and began growling at him.
​
The look of betrayal and abject worry he had on his face was overwhelming. I didn't want to hurt him. What am I doing? He doesn't deserve my ire. My legs gave out and I cried into my hands.
​
Ponthyt walked over to his cauto and brought out a cover. He wrapped it around me and rubbed my arms through it. He rested his head on top of mine while I sobbed. I couldn't take this anymore. Repressing and lashing out at any attempt to connect. Ponthyt hugged me and rocked back and forth. Humming and rubbing on the cover. He was warm and soft. I don't know how long we had been like this but by the time my sobs turned to a faint whine the meat over the fire was well done and the sky was pure black and the stars were out.
​
“I-I think i’m good no-now.” I choked out. Ponthyt grabbed my hand and helped me stand up. We didn't say another word. He collects the meat and places it on two plates. I stare at my portion for some time, Ponthyt doesn't eat any of his either.
​
“Sigh… I know you might not want to but… Could you tell me why you said those things earlier?” He says with trepidation clearly miring his words.
​
“Yeah, it's just… When I entered college It was… not what I was expecting… I was sort of a hyper teen. Always going off about some book I read. Drawing pictures of stars, space stations or colonies we would make on inhospitable planets.”
​
He sits up and places his plate by his side. “You draw? I’d love to see some of them.”
​
“I used to. But I haven't since that first year of college.” I turned to stare at the dying inferno warming us. I pull the cover around me tighter.
​
“When I was doodling before class one day the professor walked by me. He noticed what I was doing and grabbed my paper. I objected but he just stared at me. When he started to address the class he showed it off and mocked me for wasting my time.” Ponthyt turns his head to look at me.
​
“That's a dick move, But at least he couldn't do the same when you did it in your free time right?” I turned to him with a somber expression. He seemed to understand the implications though he seemed to be confused as to how.
​
“He couldn't have gotten into your room right? That'd be a huge breach of privacy!!!”
​
I grabbed the poker and stirred the coals of the fire. “You're right, he couldn't. But he didn't need to, my roommate would take them with her to class and he’d pin them up on the board to mock. I called the staff but since she was my roommate she didn't break any privacy laws and since my art was only ever worth the paper it was on it wasn't even enough to get a misdemeanor theft charge. I tried to hide it but she would always find them. I tried to get another roommate but he stonewalled my attempts and I couldn't afford to rent a place in town. ”
​
He took on a look of absolute despair. “... How… how could he be so aggressively intolerant of such an innocent hobby?”
​
I chuckled “It wasn't just mine, a few others had made the mistake of having a roommate with the same professor. I remembered one who loved going out in the woods for hikes. When he found out about that he mocked him for “Pointless exercise and admiring a random assemble of dead and dying shit””. I waved my arms about to emphasize how he inflicted his words.
​
Ponthyt stared at the ground between us with a look of utter confusion.” … He mocked someone for appreciating nature and being healthy?”
​
I nodded, “if you were not engaging with study of his topic you were wasting his and everyone else's time.”
​
Ponthyt looks at me with concern and shared pain. “Why, why didn't you go to a different school?”
​
I stared at him in his eyes. A scene of shame overtook me. “It was the top class in the country. My family was so proud of me. I was so proud of myself, I didn't want to disappoint them and me. Looking back on it, I realize my own pride was something I rarely contended with until then. It didn't help when he found out who my family was.”
​
Ponthyt recoiled and waved his arms in a “what” fashion. “Wait, what does your family have to do with this?”
​
I poked at a log to knock off the charcoal to expose the untouched wood underneath. “They were happy. He spent a lot of time in academic circles so naturally he met people who knew my parents. And the way they described this happy family irritated him something fierce. He gave me such a hard time with it. Mocking me for being a lazy nepotism pick who didn't deserve her seat in his class. He mocked anyone for having any kind of non professional relationship, we never spoke to each other outside of class. We never left or met with friends or family. If we tried too he’d find out and call the one in question a “Lazy sentimental idiot.””
​
I breathed in deeply, “... that hurt my pride so severely that I just stopped seeing them or any of my friends. I always said I was busy or had a field study, but I was just reading and rereading his lectures. I didn't even go home for the summer breaks, I just apprenticeshiped at his museum to study even more. At graduation he looked so… proud, I only realized he was proud of what he turned me into and not what I did a few weeks after I met you. How I let him turn me into an angry starile shell of a person.”
​
Ponthyt turned his head towards the fire. His ears straight up and a soft growl in his throat. “... If I ever meet that piece of.. nuclear waste, I’ll kill him.”
​
He turns to me and his features soften immediately. “Anyone capable of manipulating someone as passionate and creative as you... I can't even imagine the kind of living hell he made you seek…”
​
I chucked and a slight wag entered my tail.” I’m responsible for my life. MY pride kept me there for him to mold. I hate him, but I hate myself for it too.”
​
Ponthyt shoots up and screams at me “MERSHIT, Maarchal, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You had a right to expect your teachers to be respectable people. Not abusive and manipulative Sherkires (Ambush insect. Commonly seen as sneaky and unhonorable due to making pheromones and calls imitating other insects mating signals). He starts to speak softer as he turners to address me.
​
“Even this version of you, so cut off of why you love space in the first place is just.. You are one of the most remarkable people I have ever met. So humble with addressing yourself. You inspire me to be a tenth of the person you are.” He kneels in front of me and grabs my paws in his own.
​
“You are… you are so passionate, so creative. Even with being a self described shell. I can't even imagine how you will be when you open up again and explore your creativity in full and banish that monster's influence for good.”
​
I turn and I can't help but smile at his words.”... I haven't been in practice in years. But … I’m willing to relearn it with you.” I stared deeply in his eyes and that feeling again bubbles within me. The feeling of never wanting to leave his side, the feeling as though I found a piece I had been missing. Before I knew it I bit on his snout, recoiling when I realized what I had done.
​
‘I-I’m so sorry!!! You were just so close and and I felt something and before I knew it-” I was caught off guard when he bit my snout, holding my top jaw between his own set. I bit down on his lower jaw and we locked together. He tried to let go after a while. But I growled to let him know I wasn't ready yet and I used my leverage to lead him into my tent.
​
**\*
​
I got up and exited my tent. I stood up and stretched and twisted my back around. Lifting my arms above my head and pulling them as far out as I could. I looked at the coals still burning in our firepit, I could only tell they were burning from the heat going off of them as the glow was hidden by the sun's light. Before noticing the meat Ponthyt prepared last night still on the plates on the log we sat on.
​
“Pff, hey Ponthyt. Come out here!!!” I said behind me. He crawled out my tent with a head of messy fur.
​
“Wut ?” He said with half closed eyes and a disposition of utter exhaustion . I pointed to the cold meat. He still had a look of drowsiness before he realized what the significance of the strange strips were.
​
“Heh, I guess we won't need to make breakfast?” I chuckled as I sat down and hugged his head. I groomed his messy fur as I absorbed the morning sun. I don't know what the future of my career looked like anymore. But it was no longer the most important thing in my life. I loved space, I loved to learn. But In these years I had lost track of what was truly important. As I groomed him Ponthyt fell asleep with his head in my lap.
​
As I felt the joy of reciprocal love again for the first time in years I leaned back and watched the sunrise, caressing my love's head and breathing in the fresh air.
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