I [M19] dated her[F16] and my guilt is rightfully tormenting me
For context: when we started dating, I was 18, and she was 16. But, my birthday was close by, and then I turned 19. Her birthday was also around the corner but I still think that it was wrong of me to date her.
The main reason i think it was wrong is that I want to have sex. We did not have sex and I respected her wishes not to. However, I won't lie when I say that I was bummed out by her decision.
I just feel so guilty that I wanted to have sex with her. I didn't take advantage of her or use my age as a manipulation tactic. I genuinely liked her, and we were even friends before we started dating.
Im not looking for sympathy points. I just want to get this off of my chest.

Hello, dear friends,I am currently 24 years old, female and I came here to tell you about a bizarre situation that happened to me on my 6th birthday. I was turning 6 years old, I was very excited because my mother said she would take me to the circus that was in town for just a few days and my luck was that my birthday was the day before the circus left our town, so when it was time for us to go, I got ready with a beautiful yellow dress with daisies drawn on it and went with my mother to this new "adventure" as I said. When we arrived everything seemed perfectly normal, lots of balloons, bright colors, sales of cotton candy and other snacks, everything was perfect, so we went inside the circus in the middle of the stage A clown started making several jokes and pranks until his show ended and my favorite part had arrived: going to the countless attractions available. I entered the house of mirrors, several trampolines and so on, then in the maze, for the first time without my mother, I ran everywhere there were several children with me until I separated from them when I saw a small red light on a wall and I went towards it, it was a "trail" I think I can say it in such a way, I followed the supposed trail to a door that I thought was the exit, so I went in, there were LED lights there apparently of bright red and blue colors, but even with such lights the place was still very dark, even so with curiosity, I continued walking along the corridor of lights that led to a tall figure with red skin that whispered something, I innocently asked: - Hey! Who are you? What is happening? Where am I?- The "creature" raised its head to turn to me and He bent down to face me and gave a shrill scream, I got scared, I ran to the exit, I went back to the maze and in my rush I managed to get out of there quickly, When leaving the maze, I cried on my mother's lap in total despair, if you can't understand why I was so desperate, I'll explain it more clearly, in the scream that the "creature" gave me, I could feel death itself running after me or something, it's not like I can really explain it now, but that was the situation, If you found the situation stupid, idiotic or something similar, I'm sorry, but that was the situation, I wouldn't change anything to make it more interesting, because I don't want it to be interesting, I just want share my story, if you got here, thank you for reading this far, and bye bye

Sorry for typos I’m on my phone I 33f have never been my mums favourite. She had a terrible childhood and a horrific crime happened to her when she had me and my brother 35m. Unfortunately it affected her parenting we had a tough childhood to say the least. She also was constantly away from home drinking until she married for the second time leaving me to look after my siblings. 28f , 23f, 22m , 19f . When she married she settled down the youngest was four. Apart from 28f the others don’t remember the early years so don’t understand the work I put in with them.
Until recently I loved them all as of they are mine. I realised they dont feel the same. To the reason I’m writing.. I fell sick just before covid I have seven children I was in the icu for Months no form of contact no visitors and very out of it for the first three months were my mum was told I may not make it. I came out of hospital with no hair, my teeth were missing and i weighed five stone. My mum drank constantly and threatened me so I left and came home. She did look after my children whilst I was in hospital she reported my husband 49m and stopped him from having contact she spent all my money and told me she had enough (I get it , it’s a lot but she stopped them being with dad whilst I was out of it ) this is whilst I was powerless unable to walk bed bound in hospital. It took months after leaving to get off zimmer frames and crutches, then cranes. Threatened to put them in care.
We have had a very distant phone relationship with very few visits since she landed a very well paid job. Paid for all my siblings everything (six siblings including a step daughter ) she rarely calls me unless she has problems or my siblings do im very giving. Sent her money when she spent hers all on them. Sent her gifts spent loads on face sets etc .She sends all my siblings soo much money she has none herself. For the golden child she paid for a £25k wedding. A car insurance, a holiday, now a deposit for a new house. She has seen her baby more than she has seen my almost two year old and is living with all the others. She also told my father figure that i should suffer like she did.
I am now unable to work suffer with chronic pain I have a zero immune system suffer sepsis’s twice a year and have two disabled children one who’s being diagnosed. I recently had financial issues (admittedly will be resolved this week and was upset) reached out frustrated and asked why she chose to cancel a promise of paying for my teeth to be done but will pay a deposit on a house for the sibling who’s wedding,pram ect she just paid for she screamed at me told me to fuckoff . Its my daughters birthday she is 12 on monday she as supposed to have her thursday and take her birthday shopping Friday she said we ain’t getting fuckall and she’s now not visiting because I told her im upset with the bias. I’ve decided to go no contact with all of my family. Due to the fake promise I put off dental work and feel like they purposely conspired to hurt me like when I was in hospital and they are out to destroy my mental health and well being there is no support i never get the offer to babysit my husband is left alone to deal with the kids when I’m in hospital I was close to the sister but feel she is happy she gets more when I have been waiting because I was told my teeth would be paid for so I cut her off. Also the rest of the family my mum pays off have said I’m being extremely entitled but I’ve waited months and been told it’s the best money she ever spent ect to be let down last minute I feel it’s cruel if id have continued going to the dentist I’d have my teeth fixed by now but worse she’s letting my child down so aita ?
Will update if anything changes

Hi, so I’ve been collecting some stuff for a while now, trying to decorate my new room with some figures and such. For my birthday I asked my dad if they could buy me one figure I managed to find on Vinted, and that was pretty much all I asked for. We’re pretty wealthy and I don’t remember a point in my life when we couldn’t afford something. I’m not spoiled by any means, and I don’t ask for money either but when my mom found out I wanted yet another figure she started to straight up insult me.
She started saying I’m stupid, immature (im 16f lol) and that I am an embarrassment to her for my little hobby of collecting figures which, by the way, are mostly for my money I’ve saved up. She also went on about me trying to fill a “void” (?) in me by buying all those figures which doesn’t really make sense but okey. Then she got mad at my dad for staring at her in stupid way and then went off about how everyone treats her like rubbish in this house and that she can’t stand it anymore.
No one treats her like rubbish, by the way. I do most cleaning, laundry and whatnot, and all that she’s left to do is just make us dinner and maybe buy groceries.
I don’t know what’s wrong with her, every single fight ends up with her being a victim of her stupid, immature daughter and ridiculous husband who doesn’t take her side (my dad doesn’t take anyone’s side but whatever). I don’t think I want to get to her head and really find out what’s wrong with her but if any of u has any idea I’d happily listen to you.

The guy I've been talking to for about 4 months has called it quits? We never made anything official, we decided not to see other people but never declared we were in a relationship, he would always plan dates, call me his girl tell me how pretty I was. Recently I went away for a weekend for my friends birthday and he said he wanted to see me before I went, he bought us a bottle of wine and we had sex quite a few times the night before I went away. I didn't really message him alot during my holiday as there was no reception but I told him that, the last thing he snapped me before sending this message I will attach was that he was busy working and he will reply when he's finished and hopes that I have a good day. I then get home from my weekend away and the next day he sends this:
"Hello it’s only me. I’ve been doing some thinking recently about where me and you stand with each other at the moment. I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent together but I’ve decided I don’t want to carry things on further. I think there are a few differences between us that I don’t see working long term and I don’t think it’s fair to carry on the way things are when my heart isn’t fully in it. You’re a lovely girl and you haven’t done anything wrong, and I don’t want you to think that you have either. I feel like you deserve to be with someone who is absolutely sure about where their future with you is going, but I am not that person. I hope you understand."
I am quite hurt by this, the fact he never done this face to face or never even called me, he's even met my parents, I feel a little used, I feel like he has love bombed me, promising lovely dates, telling me he's going to take me places, saying how beautiful I am, calling me his etc... Is there any advice or any way I can get closure from this?

The guy I've been talking to for about 4 months has called it quits? We never made anything official, we decided not to see other people but never declared we were in a relationship, he would always plan dates, call me his girl tell me how pretty I was. Recently I went away for a weekend for my friends birthday and he said he wanted to see me before I went, he bought us a bottle of wine and we had sex quite a few times the night before I went away. I didn't really message him alot during my holiday as there was no reception but I told him that, the last thing he snapped me before sending this message I will attach was that he was busy working and he will reply when he's finished and hopes that I have a good day. I then get home from my weekend away and the next day he sends this:
"Hello it’s only me. I’ve been doing some thinking recently about where me and you stand with each other at the moment. I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent together but I’ve decided I don’t want to carry things on further. I think there are a few differences between us that I don’t see working long term and I don’t think it’s fair to carry on the way things are when my heart isn’t fully in it. You’re a lovely girl and you haven’t done anything wrong, and I don’t want you to think that you have either. I feel like you deserve to be with someone who is absolutely sure about where their future with you is going, but I am not that person. I hope you understand."
I'm quite hurt by this and the fact he hasn't done it face to face, I do feel like I've been used or the fact that he has love bombed me abit, promising things, saying how lovely I am etc.
Is there any advice someone can give me or any closure I can get from this?

We met online with a 1.5 hour commute between us - It was lovebomb at first sight. The first date (june 2023) was magic spending 10 hours at the beach in the water. I had a feeling after just a week of knowing him... facetimes or texts every 3-5 hours, seeing each other every other weekend. It was lovely to have such an incredible connection with someone so quickly and crave them every moment of everyday. I really felt like this was it with the amount of attention/affection he gave me, we would surf and skate together. he said his dream was always to skate with a girl. he told me how important it was to have the same interests as your partner and we also were both into taking film photos and have really special memories captured.
The distance started to take a toll on us 3 months (September) in. It was our first sort of argument he picked about it being almost noon and we hadn't left the house yet to do what we said we would do I was ready and waiting for him to be done playing guitar. But this was all due to him waking up late per usual and his ADHD is so severe he has no idea how quickly time goes by while He will do 4 things at once and then complain about not enough time in the day.
We ended up breaking up because he kept saying "I don't Know" when I Would ask him what he wants. We both crying I packed all my things and then I said why don't we enjoy the day and do what we said we would do and then I'll go home. We ended up enjoying the afternoon and he cried to me about how he can't lose me and how foolish he was to start an argument.
OK fast forward 2 weeks in September we had plans to go camping for the weekend, I booked a dog sitter. the night he was planning to come over he cancels on because there is a rat in his house (he has 3 roommates and the kitchen and pans and cabinets were never cleaned). so I end up taking my oldest dog on the camping trip and leaving the younger one with the sitters. this was my first sign from the universe that things happen for a reason... keep reading.
Then in end of October. My old boy is sick I drive to Mexico for vet care and he offered to come with me both times and then said he had too much work. Mind you, he wakes up at 9am, clocks in from his bed, does his morning routine and doesn't start to work until 11am usually. He will go run errands in the middle of the work day, play guitar and complains about not being a good worker. He even told me a friend called him out for it because he had mentioned it to them a year prior. So he had been knowingly a poor worker for more than the time I have known him. I brushed it off since my dog was #1. 2 weeks later I take the second trip to Mexico which also happened to be the day after I had been put under for a broken finger from a surf accident. he did not come for my surgery to support me and i expressed concern on lifting my 80 lb dog with my finger freshly put back together with a metal plate. yeah he couldn't come he has work. I spend 8 hours in mexico going to 5 hospitals for my sick dog to find answers. while he ended up going to the skatepark after work. I went to stay at his house that night which was nice he setup a bed for me to lay next to my dog on the floor.
the next morning was Friday. I said ok I have to put my baby down this weekend he is so sick. he said ok I am coming over right after work to be with you. that evening he calls me. his friends brother is in town and he is going to go surfing in the morning (saturday) with them and come over right after. I said ok whatever. I was screaming inside.
he comes its fine. sunday I put my dog down. I have the vet come, before hand I had frequencies playing for my baby on spotify and he has the audacity to change it to youtube video to show my cousin a skate clip. I called him out and he dismissed me.
a week after my dog is put down we have another (many not even mentioned because its painful) butting heads episode of him telling me knitting is not faster than crocheting and he has the experience since he was around it when his friends crocheted so i should listen to him. mind you I have been crocheting for 10 years i have never knitted so i mentioned i was going to start knitting and he told me how much slower it is and i just genuinely don't know so i said oh I didn't know and I don't know what to expect and because I didn't say I believe you it was this terrible icky feeling in my gut I didn't even wanna talk to him anymore. I was telling him how excited I Was about something and he would always shoot me down. so I called him later that evening after work to discuss it and of course he is driving to the skatepark and he says he needs to go skate and feels bad energy after me calling him to talk about the knitting crocheting mishap and he goes "your life has been so depressing lately" and I was just so taken back by that and hurt I don't even remember what my response was but I should have hungup and never talked to him again. I don't remember what happened but I let it go.
then a couple weeks later (November) its 2 weeks from Thanksgiving, he says his roommate is making a fried turkey and invites me i am so excited because I am 2,000 miles from my family so I begin to prepare what meals I want to make. a week before Thanksgiving he facetimes me and says he has exciting news that hes going to mexico for thanksgiving to surf with his friends. I was so sad, I asked him why he would make plans in place of what we planned and he just said it was a special opportunity and so I felt i had no choice and didn't fight it. i realize at this point of typing all of this I enabled alot of this behavior.
that evening I sent a video message to him about how hurt I was and how inconsiderate he is of my feelings and the fact that I am his girlfriend and his friends and what he wants to do comes before me always. the next morning he apologizes via text and then is quite throughout the day which is very odd because he texts every 3 hours pretty much. I ask how his day is going and he says it started off shitty because of the message he received from me that morning, it wasn't the "best way to start the day". so again I am dismissed for sharing my feelings. and I let it go again.
Thanksgiving comes and I take my other dog camping to the spot I took my recently passed dog. Fast forward December he was visting at my house and I have been working on training my younger dog he has leash reactivity. I say "here" and treat dog when we pass other dogs so he associates quiet still behavior with a reward in this moment. Ok so then he suggests I teach dog a different word that would associate a dog is coming and that my dog needs to behave............ I said that is exactly why I say "here". He continues and starts to raise his voice, "you aren't listening to me, teach him a different word like leave it" and I said ok but he still isn't good with "here" so why would i give him another word to learn? it turned into an explosive fight. we broke up the next night and he is bawling his eyes out and so am I. a week goes by we get back together because I can't help but think he has potential to be this amazing partner he talks about all these things he wants out of someone and I check every box but he just would pick this random little arguments and then be so indecisive of what he wants to break up or not.
I told him how I wanted to do yoga teacher training he says "theres already a lot of yoga teachers". I told him I was going to costa rica with my girlfriend for a surf trip and he says "why would you go with her and not me? how long have you known her? your level of surfing isn't even at the par to go to costa rica" but he had already gone on 2 surf trips with friends. he would dismiss me time and time again. he would criticize everything I do. even telling him something I saw happen he would qualify everything I said and question what I saw was true.
His birthday comes in January and prior to this I told him how excited I am and important it is to spend brithdays together and shower each other. I make him a cake the night before and set up my dog for daycare. I drive to work keep his cake in the fridge and then after pick up dog from daycare and drive 2 hours to see him and celebrate. He then tells me he booked a trip to skate in Spain with his friends over my birthday. I was so heartbroken I wanted to throw up I asked him if he takes me seriously and he said yes of course and we both cry I am so furious I should have left but I didn't. I then tell him how disgusting his house and its been 8 months and hes never bought me flowers. the next day he brings flowers to the coffee shop I went to work at. I went back to his house after and broke up with him yet again. I burned a picture of him he gave me. I really tried to move on. he hurt me so much and would dismiss me all the time.
I don't know why but we got back together again. he started watching dharma talks I would send him (mindfulness talks, Tara Brach, Jack Kornfield, Ram Dass kind of stuff) because he knew how selfish and self centered he was and he admited it every time we broke up but made no effort and this last break up he really did seem to make an effort.
we didn't see each other for 40 days and he came over in April for a weekend we went to the art museaum he was in the middle of a story and we were getting kicked out I asked him if he can take my picture quick and he flips, "I can never finish a story it takes forever all the time" he takes my picture and then I stop being silent. I tell him you are the storyteller all the time I never tell you stories because its always about your stories I remind him I haven't been to an art museum in ages and i want a photo in that moment and your story already happened so why cant it wait a moment??? he then woke up a little and saw my perspective. and then the next day we went to surf, the surfboards are in the car we go thrifting and he says oh we can't be in there for even 30 minutes someone will steal the boards he had all this concern on the surfboards and I was like why did we come here then...? lets just leave but no we go inside and of course 15 min in he says ok! 15 more min! and then later that night I said why did you make such a big fuss and then you don't even live the truth you say? he says yeah I wanted to come apologize to you but I didn't and I am like are you kidding?! come on please I need you to take accountability for your actions this is part of being an adult!! and then he admits to being a "whiny baby" and I was like yes you are a huge baby and youre a grown ass man! anyways it was a very nice talk while I was actually able to talk and he was listening very well.
Ten days ago was my birthday, I went camping with my dog. He told me he would facetime me on my birthday he only sent a text in the morning from spain mentioning "I wish I could be with you" whatever crock of s*/t. he never called me. I saw his friends posting on IG though so I know they had Wi-Fi. I sent a picture of my camp and said "we made it, thanks for calling like you said you would :(" that was my last text to him.
the next morning he gave every excuse, "sooooo sorry I didn't get to facetime you" we were so busy blah blah blah. its like if you wanted to make the effort you would? sends another text asking how camp was and what are we doing that day and then another one 8 hours later apologizing saying how truly bad he feels and hopes I am willing to speak with him but could understand how I wouldnt want to and says he blew it.
I never responded. He never even tried to call me to apologize just 4 total texts. I blocked him from seeing my IG stories. I am so heartbroken that I spend a year thinking I was with this wonderful person who wants the same things as me to learn that all he wants is to skate and surf and not do any hard work or put any effort into life he has not made any growth the entire almost year I have known him.
I have made so many advancements in my own life. I sold my motorcycle, rented out my garage, laid brick in my yard by myself never offered to help, I starting selling all of my vintage at pop ups I did 3 and he never came to any. I broke my finger and put my dog of 11 years down. I have a really wonderful job and I also stick to my word and do what I Tell people I am going to do.
I can't help but be missing him. Wanting to work it out. I act impulsively quite often but I know in my gut this man would not stand up for me if times got tough like he hasnt this whole year. can people really change? do I owe closure to him?

On Killing and Morality in War.
I promised a follow-up to my yesterday’s post on more technical aspects of planning and executing a ground invasion. It’s coming – already started writing it… may or may not have time to finish it today.
For more context (and an “about me”) see the original post here: https://www.reddit.com/IsraelPalestine/comments/1cwvbna/the_realities_of_war_lets_kill_some_sacred_cows/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I’d like to start with a sidebar: a “personal message of sorts.” First, I appreciate all the supportive comments. Of course, there were a few with reading comprehension problems who took an issue with the concept that war can be quite a fun and exhilarating experience (despite the clear “do not recommend” theme throughout). I didn’t plan on writing this post, but felt prompted by some of the comments.
I see a lot of “moralizing” from certain characters who are convinced of their moral superiority and truly believe themselves to be the arbiters of human character.
Side Note: there are also plenty of decent, well-meaning folks who may disagree with one position or another… but do so from a thoughtful place, taking time to consider a counter-point. Nothing but respect to those. Freedom of disagreement is one of the liberties I value highly (a luxury people who live in Islamist enclaves don’t get). Regardless – nothing but respect to y’all. The world is a complicated place and many of your points I find valid, even if our conclusions may differ.
For the “wow… rape must also be fun for you… and murdering 12 million children” crowd”, I’d like to say the following: You, my friends, are among the most dangerous societal types, historically speaking. Seemingly intellectual, but lacking facts, context, and nuance – yet fully convinced of your moral and intellectual superiority. First of – congrats on being born in a place where being a moralizing peacenik is a viable option in life. Second – your “morals” just so happen to reflect the modern western moral code you were born into (and which you’ve done nothing yourself for to achieve). But, in other places, moralizing puritans like you keep the same character, but embrace a different set of “norms and morals”. In other words – a typical Islamist imam doesn’t sound much different than you in tone and conviction… his “holy book” just so happens to be Quaran rather than the ramblings of Norm Finklestein. And, of course, we’ve seen what tends to happen in other places where “anti-capitalist” and “anti-colonialist” moral puritans take hold – I was born at such a place. Let’s just say that the road from “I’m for the oppressed and anti-oppressors” to “we need to murder the reactionaries” is very short and easily crossed. And it’s always the most “righteously-outraged” who cross it first.

Anyways, back to topic of the post.
On Killing and Morality – Does Modern Combat Look like a “video game”?
I saw a comment or two that modern combat is too impersonal, looks like a video game, that it’s too easy for soldiers to kill innocents, etc., etc. I’ve also heard a similar argument from others, in unrelated circumstances.
To anyone thinking that – no, my friends. Killing people isn’t made easier by more lethal and remote weapons. I understand why it may seem that way. But, in many ways, it’s quite the opposite.
1. Military is just a mirror of its society. A military is a perfect representation of a society at large. Some soldiers will indeed be natural-born psychopaths who enjoy killing. But that’s a very tiny number – not any larger than in general population.
2. Bravado is Fake. Most younger soldiers will display a lot of bravado initially – pretend like violence doesn’t bother them (that’s why the military tries really hard to condition new recruits by trivializing the idea of “killing” – but it’s never successful).
3. The Reality. The truth is – killing shocks most soldiers to their core, no matter how much they try to suppress it and put on a brave war fighter face.

• To new troops, my demand was simple – in your first contact, get down, don’t get in the way, and just live to see another day.
• For many, it takes more than one contact to come to their senses and to even start pulling the trigger. There is a natural mental block that stops humans from wanting to kill another human and it’s not overcome easily.
• I’ve seen plenty young kids (and yes, a 19-year old trooper is still a kid) beg and plead certain “characters” we’ve encountered to just be reasonable… raising their weapon in the air to demonstrate they don’t mean harm (very ill advised). Despite months of training, their first instinct was “please, I really don’t want to harm you… please don’t make me to.” That’s the true nature of most young western men and women – including those in uniforms and carrying weapons.

4. Understanding “Anger”. Often time you see what seems obvious anger among soldiers after a firefight. The easy explanation is the simple “of course they hate their enemy”. Except that’s not why they’re truly angry.

• The first source of anger is “I can’t believe this a-hole just tried to kill me”. But then the longer-lasting source of anger sets in. And that one is: “I can’t believe that a-hole made me kill him”. There is a big difference between the two emotions. And the second one lasts much longer.
• The older, more experienced troops and commanders are more used to the realities of the battlefield… which brings me to the next point...

5. “Remote” Killing. From experience, I’ll tell you this – dealing with a remote target is much easier in the sense that it’s not as “scary”. But it’s much more difficult emotionally and mentally – though a commander will never show it to their troops. That decision takes much longer and raises many more doubts than responding to a nearby target that’s actively trying to kill your guys.

• Drone pilots have among the highest rates of PTSD. There is nothing easy about dropping a bomb on a human being from the safety of a trailer in the desert and then going home to eat dinner with your family. It’s a f’ed-up thing to ask a man (or a woman) to do. There is nothing easy about going home that day. And it f-cks with your brain permanently. I don’t envy those guys one bit. Though I can imagine that dropping a bomb on a clear hostile target is very satisfying. But the emotion is the same as the above – not anger at the target itself but because you wouldn’t be doing this sh*t if it wasn’t for them.

6. Why the young men and women in IDF went to war. I don’t want to start a debate about history of the region – it’s a different topic and it doesn’t change the practical realities my posts are meant to address. From a soldier’s point of view – it looks very simple:

• The enemy hates me and want my family dead (spare me the “colonialism” lecture please)
• The enemy launched tens of thousands of rockets at us. We tried to hide behind our Iron Dome and the big wall. But that failed (a defensive posture always gets breached eventually, btw).
• The enemy invaded and killed my people. And they plan on doing it as much as they can.
• The enemy isn’t some obscure “group” – it’s a clearly defined target… the ruling, paramilitary organization at this place called Gaza (again, spare me the lecture whether it’s a country of a “concentration camp”. From a soldier’s point of view – it makes no difference).
• We can no longer live next to this enemy. And now, it’s a binary choice – go find the enemy and kill him or he will eventually come back for you.
• The rest of it… the history, the politics of it, the various grievances… hopefully we can sort it out after the fact.

That’s it. That’s the mindset. It’s really that simple for the guys and gals rolling into Gaza. The rest of what gets discussed on wester social media is just philosophical circle jerk to their ears.

Anyhow… I bet I’ll soon hear from the peaceniks who’ll tell me that they’d never do that, that they’d be conscious objectors, etc… To them, I’d like to ask that while you take a break from fellating yourself, don’t forget to thank the guys and the girls who do the dirty jobs so you don’t have to
And… while at it, don’t forget to apologize to the next generation of Arab girls who will be sold into a “marriage” to some fat, old toothless f*ck because some fat, comfortable hippie with an ivy league diploma believes that child rape is just an indigenous form of cultural expression and our interference with it is “colonialism”.
All for now. Peace, everybody. I'll be back with the promised post on "how to invade a place if you must".

I (25F) recently separated from my (25M) partner 3 months ago. We were together for 2 and a half years. It was a bitter sweet relationship. He met me through Instagram he was the one to approach me. The first few weeks were great we were vibing and got along really well. But as the relationship proceeded I began to notice he isn’t putting enough efforts as me. All the things he said in the beginning we would do never actually happened. I wanted us to explore new things, to travel, to experience any possible stuff from shopping to going on a lunch. I expressed many times initially through a polite communication that he’s not doing enough to make me feel special or meeting my efforts. But then it turned into arguments. He would go on vacations with his friends and I always expressed that it makes me feel leftout and I wanna experience all of that with him too. But every single time he gaslit me. Saying I’m asking for too much and I always try to start a fight and try to ruin his day just Cus I’m in a bad mood. I kept settling for the bare minimum for 2.5 years. Wishing one day he would magically change and start treating me better and see my worth. He made empty promises but actions never matched the words. He was the most important person for me and he always came first to me. I put so much effort on him I would start saving two months before his birthday to make it the most special day for him. I have spent three birthdays with him and he has never ever brought me a gift or on valentines or ever went out of his way to do something for me. The most basic thing you expect from a partner is to be heard and understood and for them to acknowledge your feelings that their actions bother you. For them to make you feel safe to be vulnerable and take care of your feelings. But everytime he would put a wall between us. He would invalidate my feelings, blameshift and minimise what I was going through. If I would ask about his day he would get annoyed saying I want the details about every single minute and I suffocate him. I was simply excited to know about his day Cus I loved him and I wanted to be a part of it. During the course of our relationship we only hanged out at his rental place which included a single bedroom. We have never traveled, never been to movies. He never introduced me to his friends. I would always justify his behaviour- maybe he’s occupied, maybe he is too busy with work, he has so many responsibilities of family and friends. Before breaking up with me we got into an ugly argument Cus I said that my skin has gotten worse cus he stresses me out so much. That hurt him so much that he was done with me. He warned me not do anything with myself that I’m not supposed to. I felt so bad and I apologised so many times but he was simply not ready to listen or answer my calls even once. Recently after the breakup I learnt that he has been with other females on his vacations whenever he went with his friends. I was devastated. Knowing that his platonic friends had more access to him and they get to spend a night with him but not me. Earlier I would see him leave comments below other females pictures and it made me upset but he would always mention that they are just normal friends and I matter more to him. Yesterday I texted him saying I want him to take accountability for his actions and manipulation that he went out with females behind my back. To which he replied that he got friends and I will never make friends cus of my toxicity. Toxic for always ruining his day. For constantly arguing to be loved. That’s when I knew I spend these years invested with a narcissist. I kept settling Cus I didn’t love myself enough to walk away. He will never take accountability or ever apologise. I don’t even think he would ever realise the pain he has put me through. Cus he would never self reflect. I’m just trying to pick up the pieces that I was trying to find in him. He made me question me my worth, he made me believe I’m not lovable, that I’m only good enough to be taken to a closed room. He’s the reason I’m suicidal but I’m only sticking around Cus I can’t do that to my parents. I have spent hours crying for him knowing well there won’t be any justice. And I hate myself for still loving him. My only fault was to love him too much that I got so scared of losing him that I lost myself. My whole world revolved around him. Maybe if I wasn’t so needy we would still be together. But I just wanted to be loved, to be understood, to be treated like I matter, to feel safe to be vulnerable, to have those difficult conversations so we could grow together as individuals. I don’t know if I was the problem for having these expectations or if it makes me toxic. But I’m not sure who I am anymore this experience truly took a toll on me.

questions at the end
hi. i need help here. i designated my father’s fafsa account as the “sign and submit” person, and he works 5/7 days and usually very late so i cant ask whatever the fafsa code gave him. both my parents don’t speak lots of english nor read it so they have me handle these kind of things. i realized that i had full access to my mothers email and decided to make her the sign and submit person thinking little of it. clicking on the invite form i realized she didn’t have an account yet and so i made one. apparently, i accidentally input my birthday instead of hers in the personal info area, AND put a space between her name AND somehow flipped 2 digits of her ssn. so, ofc it comes back as not matched. yet for whatever reason, the form wouldn’t update saying “error cant save”. i called in and received help and was told to use microsoft edge this time and was told to re-fill every piece of info. in doing so, i corrected the birthday but DIDNT put a space between her name and put the right ssn. for whatever reason, this created two limited access accounts that’s been giving me nightmares. fast forward to when my dad accesses his form, it makes him fill out a “parent spouse/partner” area. due to the two limited access account not matching, i had to call in yet again and was notified of this mistake. however, before the rep could give me the account info, i was told my mother had to be on the line which couldn’t work because she also works very late and works 6/7 days. finally, after being told she had a day off, i called in and was told by a kinder rep that one of the limited access account had the right ssn and bday just not the space between the name. i then had to get a help desk rep to basically re-submit a verification request which allowed me to put the space between her name. i’m praying that this finally lets me submit everything and be done with the fafsa.
tldr; put in wrong info twice resulting in two limited access accounts, one wrong/one right.
question 1: is the help desk the only ones able to deactivate an account.
question 2: i emailed my school saying i might not make the deadline in time, and they said i already submitted it in april so it’ll still count before the deadline. does that mean whatever changes i make are just “updates” and not necessarily submitting a new form after the deadline?
warning: pls double check all your info before hitting any “confirm” button so you don’t have to suffer thru this:)

No idea where this is going but I've got time to kill at work..
As far as I'm feeling at this moment, I think I'm fine. I'm pretty worn down though and wondering how many days off the gym and 10+hr sleep days will get me fresh.
Anyway, I'm a 29 year old dude in Canada. I have a pretty good job in the defense sector, but I'm not great with finances. My hobbies and passions are expensive, and I often overpay for things so I don't have to think about it in the moment.
I live at home, as 2500+ for an apartment eating 60+% of my salary hasn't sounded exactly appealing but its almost time here. I don't think I want to live with my parents this time next year, at 30 years old.
My big issue is not being in a romantic relationship. That fact has always been the driving force behind most of the actions I take to be honest. I'm just realizing it now, so yeah, the ROI doesn't seem worth it.
By actions I mean anything to do with fitness and appearance, the music I listen to, and most the little things I do on any given day, that might challenge me or make me avoid or cover up pain in some way ( little self care habits or things like weed, supplements, nootropics, drugs in general to keep me somewhat functional, mostly by masking some of the pain).
I'll be blunt and objective about my situation, and its this:
29, single since 19
Good looking guy, gotten better looking over time, but short, and my hair is a semi-permanent piece.
I've got self esteem issues for sure, and I can't say I always put off the best energy, being depressed and all.
I avoided, or just flat-out didn't try to find anyone really. I used to just open up tinder and feel a mix of emotions that would just ball up into anxiety or butterflies. Weird mix of excitement resentment and hopelessness.
Last year I decided I was going to make big life changes. Learn a new language (Spanish), learn music in some form (bass guitar), improve my finances, quit some of my bad habits, and find love.
Well the year started off pretty good. Dove into a Spanish learning book, got stuff for my bassguitar thats sat for a decade, started journaling every day (failing to keep up with this).
By mid Feb around Valentines day and my birthday, things had been rocky. A bunch of health scares, a couple of injuries, car was fucking up left and right, started working 10 hours daily (Back to 8 after a month as side gig got kiboshed), some money stuff etc..
I heard about the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and decided to give that a watch, not knowing what to expect, and it kinda broke something inside me, for the better.
Another shitty thing that happened was I got stopped at the border late January (Can to US), because the dog smelled cannabis in my bag (there was none, but they found something that had residue on it and bam, not allowed in the US). This is funny timing because not two weeks later I matched with this girl that lived in California, and after talking for a bit and me finding out how closely our niche music tastes lined up, and just how beautiful i found her.. Like maybe not everyone's type, kind of gothic, not very active on social media, but something about her... just looked unique and I still think she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.
You can judge my.. judgement all you want, and it might be fair. Some people just flip some specific switches in your head and make things light up. No one did that like this... I quickly got familiar with the concept of limerence but even after acknowledging that was probably happening here, I didn't care.
I honestly just over pursued.. I didn't send her a bunch of texts, but I started writing these long love letter things. I honestly can't believe how head over heels and dopey I was being. It lasted for probably 2 months, ending after I started talking with a few other girls, and actually meeting someone a city over at a concert that said she really liked me.
Felt like the longest 2 months of my life, there was a lot and I mean A LOT of pain, and I had no idea that I was capable or susceptible to something like this based off so little. We didn't even voice chat, and we hardly talked about anything other then music.
I just created this compelling fantasy world in my head and I was conflating things like my new desire to leave Canada and eloping with what I was projecting to be the woman of my dreams.
I'll never know where it could have actually went because I could not keep this shit to myself. Around the time this limerent episode started I got this ENORMOUS boost in energy and ambition, like I hadn't felt before. Didn't matter what drugs I was put on or what state of health, being etc I was in. This was bizarrely strong and I actually forgot about my vices. Almost completely, and all of them. In the span of 3 weeks, I had cold stopped THC (2nd time in 14 years), I got off nicotine, I cut my spending in half and adhered to my diet better than I ever had before.. a little too well (24lbs lost in 3 weeks).
It seemed like this daze I was in was like a dopamine geyser from within that had never been found before.
As soon as the deterioration phase of limerence started (the day I found out there was 0 reciprocation), those habits came flying back, starting off with the vape again. Just one disposable cause I wanted to have a moment outside this church for some reason... I felt really compromised, embarrassed, disappointed and a lot of self loathing.
I started doing private vlogs that day too. I found that to be very insightful and good for processing this stuff, but it became emotionally draining and I got tired of hearing and seeing myself pretty fast.
As weird as it is to admit this. I miss living in that simulated romance. It felt like it was driving me to the real thing.. maybe it still will, but I feel my motivation to do so has dropped off after this shit.. Music just sounded better, everything felt deeper, I had a weird but unsustainable sense of purpose. Now everything feels hollow and plasticy..
I'm pretty much past that now, and I don't know how to feel about that. I know what I should feel... GOOD, but I just kind of feel nothing.

For context, I (47M) went to my cousins birthday party last week. I got an invitation from my aunt a few weeks ago to go to my cousins birthday party. She had also told me that it was going to be a costume party and I needed to dress up. I didn't know what I wanted to dress up as so I went to my family for help. My family mainly suggested boring stereotypical things, and I was going to use them. I bought a cowboy costume and was ready to wear it to the party. When it was the day of the party me and my brother were getting ready, when I get a text from my sister saying she's not going. I got furious that we've been planning for weeks and she's not going. So I decided that since my sister is going to be such an ass, I'll be an ass myself. I got my cowboy costume and added some decorations to make me a true, red white and blue god fearing republican, and say the most vile things ever to become an asshole. After practicing in the mirror it was finally time to go to my cousins party. So I arrive an all of the typical things happen and quickly I start transitioning into being an asshole. My whole family got angry at me saying there are children or whatever and personally it was MY costume so I decided to choose this. They eventually kicked me out of the party after I called one of the kids a slur and he had to be brought to the hospital for his broken bones. After that, my whole families only been bullying me saying how much of a bad person I am and how I shouldn't do that. Personally, I don't think I did anything wrong because it was all just a part of my costume. I even tried to tell my sister about it and she's siding with my family. Even my wife divorced me and took my children over all of this. I can't help to think that my family is in the wrong, and I wasn't doing anything bad. Am I the asshole?

Lol, I thought this would be funny to write about as a first silly little post as it is the most interesting thing in my life. (Don’t mind any typos)
First of all, to anyone who wants to tell me to stop or get over it or give me any valid reasonable and rational advice,I will not listen so don’t bother.
As these stories go, I 15(f) in love with English teacher 26(f). I’m obsessed with her, and have been for almost msot 2 years, it would have been longer if she had come into my life sooner.
I’m not a love at first sight person, so it took a while for it to come about. And iv always had problems with getting violently obsessed with things, I believe it’s some kind of coping mechanism, you know? If I don’t have something to live for then I fall in love with something, subconsciously of course. First it was cartoon characters then celebrity’s and the for the first time a real person who I know in real life! (Except she’s my teacher and she’s 26) but also the first woman iv ever fallen for (iv always known Im pan so it wasn’t a shock really). I think another HUGE reason I love her is because I don’t have a mother, she was abusive, druggy, alcoholic yadi-yadi-yada, and so I don’t live with her and I don’t like her and she isn’t there for me, and so I meet a kind female adult who I look up to? Obviously I get attached and I see her as a mother figure. I really do, I want to be just like her, I want to make her proud, I seek her validation, i want to fuck her. You know, regular motherly things!
The first day I met her, first day of year 10. From the second she walked into the class I felt her energy and her vibes and I had that feeling where you instantly like someone and want to be friends with them and think they are super cool. Now, she is not hot, like Obviously to me me right now in this moment she’s the most beautiful and pretty person iv ever seen she’s so cute and hot and all that, but Obviously that’s because I’m obsessed with her everything about her is great, but she’s the kind of ugly that when she first walked into the class people snickered.
She has a rash on her chin, a noticeable moustache, she looks at least 30 despite being much younger, her eyes are creepy looking and small, her skin is really red and dry and way too textured, she does weird ugly facial expressions, she has a big nose, her hair is never brushed and always greasy, she has really small eyelashes blah blah blah.. (she obviously has some really nice features as well, but I’m trying to prove i don’t like her for her looks)
Now In her defence I think they were laughing because she has the hugest ass iv seen in my entire life, not cuz of her face. (She wears really tight leggings everyday) But, she is overweight and a lot of people bring her down cuz of it but that has nothing to do with any of it for me obviously, and I obviously didn’t laugh when she walked in.
The point is, I instantly liked her and her personality, she has that school mum vibe, she’s witty she’s confident she’s loud, she’s funny, she’s so weird (like she does and says the weirdest stuff, she’ll start dancing out of no where with no warning, she shortens words all the time and then says them three times like: “fab fab fab” she has just the weirdest tendencies and mannerisms it’s insane), shes always so exited and jolly, she’s like a ball of sunshine yet at the same time she’s so sassy and passive aggressive, when I’m older I wanna be just like her you know!
And that’s how I felt for a long time, I would just enjoy her lessons because of the energy and vibes she’d bring! She makes everything so much fun just by being there, she’s also a drama teacher so she’s great at getting a crowd going and stuff. But it seemed no one else liked her, they either fat shamed her, or said she was a bitch, or found her annoying.
They aren’t wrong she is all of those things, but she’s only a bitch to you if you don’t respect her and then she’s passive aggressive and makes your time in her class hell, and as her favourite student who kissed her ass everyday it was fun for me to watch people get roasted by her and never have to worry about it. She is annoying to a lot of people because she hypes everyone up, and she’s loud and obnoxious and confident, she laughs at her own jokes and she’s giggly and she does stupid accents, she’s the walking talking definition of “QUIRKY” and so 15 year olds find her incredibly cringey and jarring. But as an immature individual my self I found her energy like something I have never seen anyone have so i from the first day thought she was my favourite teacher ever!
I often take the role of like comic relief when it comes to my friends so I often make the joke myself, and once I felt this admiration for my English teacher, and this giddy happy feeling in me when I saw her, I thought it would be a great idea to pretend/ hint to having a crush on her to my friends as a joke so they can make fun of me. It was small things like “oh my english teacher! … oh.. I liiiiikkkee herrrrrrrr~!” Id day when people mention her, no one caught onto the joke for a couple months until one day, after a holiday I had dyed my hair and she walked past me and she complimented it, I thanked her and INSTANTLY MY HEART WAS POUNDING AND I GOT ALL GIGGLING, my friend was next to me and found it funny obviously. And then the more I went to her lessons I couldn’t stop getting all sweaty and nervous around her, and every time she’d do something cute, like squeal when she’s frustrated and make weird noises or do a fake accent, or tell a joke I’d feel so unbelievably happy, and I couldn’t stop talking and thinking about her, but Eveytime I’d think about her or look at her id get a huge ick of like.. but ewww she’s so not hot! I can NOT be in love with THAT.
By summer I was still feeling this Same way, one day she wore a dress and like the dopey idiot she is, she lifted her leg and from where I sat I saw her panties. I WAS DISGUSTED, and looked away. And then looked back.. but then looked away.. and then looked back.. and then looked away.. (and did it a couple more times) but I felt sick in my stomach the whole time! It was not a hot thing at the time.
Then the year ends and it’s the summer holiday, (now up until this point I was quite caught up with my David walliams obsession. yes the 56 year old.. and so I didn’t really care about her all that much. On the first day back, before school started I went to a birthday party and I saw her walking outside of the school, when I saw her my heat was beating so fast, i hadn’t seen her in 6 weeks and I was not expecting to see her then, I said hi to her and i couldn’t stop thinking about that moment so intensely, and every thought I had about her being ugly didn’t matter to me, it’s not like I forgot about it, I know what she looks like, but I just think everything about her is so beautiful, it’s part of her and so its perfect.
That feeling got worse and worse as the year went by, every time i see her I shake, i sweat, I have panic attack like symptoms, but I feel so happy, like manic, I am overwhelmed, I want to punch things, I want to scream.
Then we get to the part where to silence this obsession I did regrettable and wierd things that she will never know about, some of the despicable things iv done in “the name of love” for her include:
Eating her hair Licking her spit of the table Kissing her chair when she leaves the room Following her around school Drawing her Writing poems about her Writing songs about her Making edits of her Taking photos of her Recording her voice when she talks to me Stealing her trash Licking her pens Making AI chat bots with her personality Making a bingo game about her (that one is just funny, and all my friends played it too, during her lessons lol)
And many other things I won’t mention. Obviously I’m not proud of any of this, and I didn’t really need to do it, some of it I did “as a joke” for my friends, some of them I did just because I could.. but the recording her voice one is essential! Anytime we’d have a heart felt convo I’d record it so I can listen to it if I ever loose the will to live (surprisingly frequently).
Now our relationship as student and teacher was/is very good.
We’ve had some lovely moments, she told me she cared about me outside of the classroom.
A personal favourite of mine: One time she was marking my work and it was just us in the classroom and I rested my head on her shoulder as she was going through it with me, and she looked down at me and she smiled and then we stayed like that for ages while she marked my work.
All my friends said I was delusional and that she probably hates me, but she has a huge ego and i believe she likes to keep me around to give it a boost every now and then.
I wore a matching outfit with her once (on accident) and she was very happy about it
Anytime I’d ask her what I can do to improve my grade she’s say to me “oh no! But you’re doing really well! I thought you did great!”
She’d never get mad at me or shout at me for anything, if we are doing a one between two activity she’d give me the only extra sheet in the class
I asked her to sit at the front to her because I “concentrate better at the front” (i only asked cuz i wanted to sit closer to her) she gave me a sly smirk and then the next lesson she moved me to the back of the class, and also moved her self to the back of the class.
We took a selfie together and the whole time she was giggling, I gave her a Christmas card, she lets me follow her around the school, she gave my friends dirty looks when they were being mean to me
I sent her stupid emails of pictures of capybaras (it was an inside joke between us) and she responded with a way to enthusiastic response for such a simple image lol!
I sand “you belong with me” by TS and she stood in the crown and when it got to the “you belong with me” bit I pointed at her and she pointed back! Singing the words back to me
Oh, and let us not forget the amount of eye contact. I never look people in the eye, one of my first exes I barely ever looked into their eyes all the time I knew them, I just suck at eye contact. Until I met her, since I’m so insecure about her forgetting me or loosing me or something I often stare at her when she’s teaching to make sure that she doesn’t forget me. And some how in the last couple of months she stares at me as well.
Anytime she tells a joke she looks straight at me to see how I respond (always with giggles even when it’s the lamest thing iv ever heard. It’s often not funny at all.) and the entire time shes teaching the lessons I will stare at her. IN HER EYES. Like, I’ll often smile calmly, but if she hasn’t looked at me in like 4 minutes then I’ll stare deeper, but she usually looks into my eyes and hold it for a while sometimes she’ll even smile at me and then stutter and forget what she’s saying before looking away and continuing. She’ll stare deeply into my eyes, throughout the lesson, and I also always catch her looking at me first.
Once she was helping me with my work, she got really close to me, and she stared into my eyes and then I see her getting small glances at my lips (with this one I may be a little delusional) she leaned in and she kept getting confused. Like, she yaps a lot, and a lot very loudly. So it was odd for her to be standing there her arm touching mine talking to me and being like “…. Um-.. heh-.. where was i..” and she flicks through my paper and then looks back at me and goes silent and then swallows and then looks down and then flips through it again and then says something small and short followed by more silence.
I also have a theory shes on drugs, for many reasons but one time I needed her to take a photo of my book, and she was acting so weird, tired but like really like dizzy and loopy and breathless. And she went to take a photo of my book, and got behind me and she leaned into my book, and I felt her heavy loud breath on my neck as her stray hairs were tickling the side of my face and her shoulder was touching my back, she she just stood there and stared at my book for ages until i was like “um so.. you can.. take a photo or something..” and then she slowly did it hahahaha!
Obviously it’s now exam time and so school is basically over and I have no more lessons, so I didn’t go into depth about how much she means to me as a person but to sum it up into one sentence; I would want to seriously kill my self with out her in my life.
And so the thing I had been fearing for so long, the last English lesson, the last time seeing my dear beloved. Well obviously it’s life or death so I have to tell her how I feel and get her to stay in contact with me.
The last lesson ends I go up to her after a morning of: pissing my self, shitting my self, throwing up in my mouth, constantly putting on perfume, checking my hair and chewing the mintiest of gums. And I start my speech, I won’t go into it but I told her how I felt about her (minus the being in love bit I played it off as platonic duh, im not fully stupid).
I told her that she means so much to me, and she’s (one of) my favourite people in the world (that’s a white lie she’s my only favourite) I can’t go on with out her, I need her, iv felt this way since the first lesson, your so fun, you mean so much to me! I cant loose you, I don’t know what I would do with out you!!!!
I cried in her arms as she hugged me! And i didnt even need to ask she suggested we could stay in contact, in-fact all i had said was “I’ll miss you so much :(“ and she already suggested we stay in contact, but Obviosuly I still did the whole speech cuz at some point she needed to know. Her response was basically that she already knew, but she was very pleased to hear it, and everything is going to be perfectly okay.
She said we can stay in contact (through email, cuz apparently there is a “legal thing unfortunately” stopping her from giving me her number (yes I did ask for her number, but in a total no homo way.)
She said I can talk to her anytime about anything as much as I like, and that’s good enough for me!
I also gave her a drawing I did of her and me together which was cute, her response to that was “oh very cool! she walks over. she takes it in her hands, very excited to see it. This really throws her confidence off, she’s really not expecting this. OH THIS IS AMAIZING! her voice cracks THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH! this is lovely! thank you, this is soo good! oh-muh-gud it’s SO good! oww I love it! thank you.. I’m wearing the same top as well, how fun~.. HOW FUN!!!! how fun!! … she takes it and puts it in her bag i will prop this up, on my desk! wicked wicked awesome!” (I recorded her reaction so that’s how you know it’s word for word)
In conclusion, im creepily obsessed and its a problem, but I don’t really regret anything cuz it’s all gotten me to this point where I can talk to her when ever I want and that’s all I could ever ask her. Yes I want to fuck her, but that’s not important to me I just need her in my life, she’s my world she’s my reason of living, and I’m so happy things are this way! I’m doing my exams now so I get to see her everyday when I come into school (by see her I mean wait outside the staff room so I can catch a glimpse of her knee). I’m also glad I’m not in her lessons anymore cuz I’d always get so twitchy around her, anytime she’d be near me and I’d be trying my best not to lunge at her, when I see her my mouth waters I just wanna grab her and kiss her all over! Eeek! She’s adorableeeee!
I love herrrrr ❤️❤️❤️

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Chapter 168 – The moment to live and the moment to die
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„Jumping!“ an Ensign announced loudly as the Sun's view-windows very briefly flickered into a dark black only to go back to a full view of the ongoing battle basically instantly, having barely shifted the ship's position at incomprehensible speed. „Shot clear of allied ships.“
Vice-Admiral Kazadi tapped his finger on one of the armrests of the Commander's seat that still felt anything but comfortable for him to sit in as the tight grid of flashing lights reflected in his eyes within the twilight of the bridge.
“Fire,” he then ordered. Not even a blink later, a burst of colorful light broke into his view from the side of his very own ship, lighting up the entirety of the bridge even through the automatically tinting windows that absorbed a lot of the harmful light so the crew wouldn't flashbang themselves with each shot.
The relativity canon fire tore through the enemy ship at an almost literal instant with any travel time barely being conceivable to a mortal mind. In a large unload of energy that left almost the entire stern-side of the zodiatos ship as a molten mass of dispersing slag, the main propulsion was taken out. Simultaneously, the two accompanying cruisers had also taken their shots; with the 'Civil' taking out the engine of one more enemy vessel while the 'of the roses' had instead used its shot to disperse one of the enemy projectiles in order to buy their own hunter ships more freedom of movement. Those huge ones didn't go down easy from one of the hunters' smaller shots, so using one of the large canons to dispatch it took some of the heat off them.
Meanwhile, smaller targets on the enemy vessels, such as their own canons, were gradually taken out by said hunters, whose own fire – while able to be quite destructive if intended no doubt – could be used in a far more precise manner. With more and more of their canons failing, the protective volleys the coreworld terrorists could fire to hide themselves away also became less and less effective.
“Send the fallback-beacon,” Kazadi then ordered, since close quarter attacks became less and less necessary.
It seemed that the zodiatos had a hard time adjusting to the combat style of the human unkindnesses, however that didn't mean they should take any unnecessary risks. Even if a pilot could've been able to avoid all enemy attacks in a perfect world, he knew that his pilots were only human.
Casualties of their own had been comparatively minimal so far, however as if to prove him right about his thoughts, he could see on his surveillance screen how, just in that moment, one of their ships was taken out by an enemy craft.
He grimaced to himself and let out a mild sigh. One more family who would never see one of their own again...
It took a moment before all the ships were reached by the beacon. Due to the nature of their own combat strategies, as well as the particular nature of hyperspace, it was entirely impossible to effectively contact any of their ships directly while they were out in the battle. Therefore, the order to fall back had to be broadcast as a general signal, that each of the pilots could individually pick up as soon as they would keep still for long enough so that it could reach them.
By now, the battle was already won. None of the zodiatos' weapons were able to match the relativity canons in effective range and without the larger ships to back them up, their small hunters wouldn't be able to launch an offensive – shields or not. They could just stay back and fire until surrender now. As the signal was picked up, one of their ships after another disappeared in one last flash of hyperspace as they joined back up with the larger vessels in an enclosing formation.
“Prepare for the retrieval of some of those projectiles,” the Vice-Admiral then ordered as he hoped they would be able to track some of those spent shots their enemies had fired. They would have to figure out what kind of tech that was.
In such a small-scale conflict, it was more than manageable to face it. However, it could offer some difficulties in larger fleets – especially since they didn't know how far this kind of tech could possible be expanded and refined. It was quite possible this was just some form of prototype.
While that order was followed, one of his Lieutenants suddenly spoke up.
“Sir, we have an incoming transmission from the planet. Civilian. Not encrypted, but they seemingly had an access code,” they related quickly.
“Is the earlier interference cleared up?” he immediately asked back, to which the answer was positive. “Put it through then,” he immediately ordered as soon as he heard that.
He rubbed one of his tight braids between his fingers as he waited for contact to be established. Once the line was clear, things remained quiet for a moment.
“What are we best at?” he then asked the silent line, his chest tightening ever so slightly, even if he didn't have to wait long for a reply.
“Topping from the bottom,” a very familiar voice replied from the other end, sounding incredibly strained but most certainly alive.
The code phrase was an old in-joke about something that had been said back during humanity's first contact with the tonamstrosites due to a slightly choppy translation. However, it more than sufficed here to tell Kazadi that the person on the other side of the line was not only genuine, but also not in any immediate distress – at least none that was brought onto her by someone else.
“Good to hear your voice Ma'am,” he greeted the Admiral after taking a brief moment to allow his heart to settle.
“The pleasure is all mine, Celestin,” Admiral Krieger replied in between heavy breaths that sounded like a combination between being ready to collapse and absolutely willing to tear anyone's throat out at a moment's notice. “Excuse me for the unorthodox contact, my own means of communication have all been destroyed. Update me.”
A brief smile played on the Vice-Admiral's lips.
“No problem, Ma'am. Things are under control up here, but multiple allied coluyvoree ships were destroyed and we suffered some casualties of our own which I will take full responsibility for,” he quickly complied. “By now, the enemy crafts have been largely disabled and our fighters are falling back. What's the situation on your end?”
There was a bit of a grunt from the other side of the line that seemed unrelated to the ongoing conversation.
“I'm sure you did everything by the books,” Krieger then replied a moment later. “Down here the situation is precarious but momentarily under control. We have an unconfirmed number of casualties after an attack with an unknown weapon. All squads are either KIA or unresponsive. We took down six enemy combatants but can't confirm if there's more. I'm going to need clean up, rescue teams, as well as pickup for me and two large offworlders asap.”
Celestin nodded.
“We're in a stable position, so we'll jump teams down right away. Hold out just a minute more,” he assured her while already signing in the necessary order to the troops they had on standby. “How bad are your injuries?”
There was another groan of pain from Krieger's side.
“Crushed cranberries,” she replied after a long moment that sounded like she needed to catch her breath.
“Copy that,” Kazadi replied with a grimace. “Sending muti-team with the evac.”
“Copy that,” Krieger confirmed. “Krieger out.”
With that, the call was hung up. On his screen, Celestin could see how the preparations for dispatch of the requested teams was already well underway. Jumping towards a planet at FTL was generally discouraged by the Galactic Community. However, this was an emergency. They couldn't wait for normal re-entry.
After watching the reported progress for just a moment, his eyes returned to the ongoing battle. He watched the enemy ships as they hovered dead in space, unable to maneuver.
They seemed to have recalled their own fighters back in order to form some sort of protective wall around the 'mother ships' with their own small shields. Obviously it wouldn't be very effective, so it seemed like needless cruelty to make their own soldiers get in the way of the incoming fire. Something within Kazadi told the Vice-Admiral they weren't going to stand down.
“Sir, we're getting some strange hyperspace-readings,” his Lieutenant suddenly announced, making him look up.
“Weapon-grade?” he immediately asked, knowing they had less than a moment to react if it was. However, he also figured there would've been more urgency to their voice had it been so.
“No, Sir. Travel-grade,” the Lieutenant quickly replied. “However the readings are unusual. It seems like they are creating a stretch solely around themselves.”
Kazadi's lips shifted a bit as he took that in and he briefly ran a hand over his mouth in thought. “Prepare to collapse,” he ordered. “Maybe they will attempt some sort of running start. We can't let them get away.”
Right then, the light of what was happening had not yet caught up to the spacial distortion that their sensors were detecting, meaning the ships still looked perfectly normal – if damaged – when he looked at them. However, they were planning something. And that made them appear all the more ominous.
His mind quickly went through their own protocols. The U.H.S.D.F. employed hyperspace in nearly all its possible facets in their tactics. If it was even close to sensible, they would have something that was akin to the maneuver their foes were attempting to execute right now.
A bubble of hyperspace solely around their ships...a dodge? Hardly, there was nothing to dodge like that. An attempt to hide away? No, they knew human ships could collapse hyperspace from the outside easily.
Before him, the windows of the ship once again automatically dimmed, protecting the crew's eyes as the colorful light of the created hyperspace-bubble finally reached them.
“Hyperspace collapsed!” the Lieutenant then suddenly announced, causing Kazadi to blink in surprise as his eyes shot up to his screen. He hadn't given any order to collapse it yet. But indeed, it was gone. For a moment, he thought that the stress had caused his officer to use the wrong term in haste, however no, they had been completely right. It had not been dispersed in a controlled manner. It had collapsed.
In a mild 'thud', the Vice-Admiral's fist descended on the armrest, hand firmly clenched into a fist.
“Those cowardly ba-” he began to growl but then bit his tongue and released a low, almost grunting exhale while his fist quivered from momentarily clenching tighter. “Prepare to search for survivors,” he instead said in a much more controlled manner a moment later. “Preserve lives.”
“Yessir,” multiple of his officers echoed back as he looked out of the window, where he could still see the ghostly afterimage of the hyperspace bubble linger for a bit longer. It was always a strange feeling, seeing someone in the distance who was already dead...
–
With her view darkened and her goggles momentarily pulled off her eyes, Shida stared at the glowing bubble of impossible colors. Her sensors had already told her what was about to happen at any moment now, however her eyes still heavily constricted as they finally witnessed what unfolded themselves.
In what could be described as nothing else than a 'snap' , the light of the hyperspace-stretch instantly condensed down into its original size as the universe all at once remembered that the laws of physics were a thing that existed and brutally forced space to conform to them once again – no matter what may have been in between it and its original form.
Anything within the strange, round stretch was mercilessly ripped along with the convulsion, forcing all the injected warships and fighters into the single, small point that the stretch had been generated from. Though not even a faction of a second later, it all exploded outwards again as the megatons of mass realized that they could not all exist in the same place at once, since the energy of the event was not quite potent enough to press it all into a neutron star or singularity.
No longer recognizable blotches of undefined, white-hot matter were instantly scattered in all directions like some sort of micro-supernova that accentuated the sometimes still burning nano-stars that the earlier battle had created from the opposing fighters.
It was almost pretty...but still, Shida couldn't help but let her ears hang as she wondered how many of the enemy combatants had known about the decision to end things this way. Had any of them even been asked?
Even if it was the far more disturbing answer in a way, Shida almost hoped that this had actually been one mutual suicide-pact instead of the decision of one single commander to choose death over dishonor. Especially while sitting in a ship that was technically under the command of someone else herself, that was certainly the less immediately petrifying option – even if it would probably spell far worse things in the long run.
As she said there, the 'shockwave' of the collapsing hyperspace suddenly hit her, spreading out through space even without any medium to carry it and rocking her ship gently while also penetrating all throughout her body. Of course the earlier relativity fire had already caused similar ripples and she was therefore quite used to the feeling, however these ones sure felt a bit more severe than those of the U.H.S.D.F.'s own canons. It was like she felt her own body distort while also remaining perfectly in palace – almost like she was a stiff container full of water that someone had given a heavy smack from the side, riling up the liquid without it actually having any place to plash to.
According to everything they knew, this phenomenon felt incredibly odd but was entirely harmless to living beings – which was instinctively very hard to believe when one felt it on their own body.
However, her dwelling thoughts were, perhaps luckily, interrupted as she – or more precisely one of her scanners - picked up on a peculiar signature that one of the scattered debris pieces was sending out.
Well, it was 'peculiar' to her that there was a signal at all at first, however then she quickly realized what it actually was. This particular signal was hammered into any pilot's head six ways to Sunday, and so she reacted relatively quickly when she glanced at the grid and realized that she was the closest ship to it. Firing up her engines, she turned her ship on the spot in a slight drift before activating her generator and making a jump right behind the flying object.
Once there, she allowed her computer to take aim for a second before firing out a harpoon that quickly struck the flying debris and latched her ship onto it through a long cable, allowing her to pull the thing along with her after slowly using her backwards thrusters to disperse its speed little by little. Pressing the indicator of her communication, she then spoke up.
“Scratches to Sun,” she announced. “I just recovered a black box. Permission to return for inspection?”
The black boxes of modern ships truly were among the most ridiculous pieces of tech out there, in Shida's humble opinion. Built to withstand almost everything that would likely take a ship out through a combination of brilliant engineering and extremely flexible material that only worked in its indented manner on very small scales. Well, very small compared to the ships they were built into. The things were about half the size of Shida in the end. For many years, armies of scientists had attempted their very best to make this same sort of defense useful in ways that could maybe be used to protect actual people from catastrophic events – but to no avail so far. For now, the only thing those little marvels could allow to survive even something as ludicrous as hyperspace collapsing was information.
“Permission granted, Lieutenant-Commander,” the answer came almost immediately. “Return to hangar three.”
“Copy,” Shida replied. “Scratches out.”
With that, she moved her ship around and prepared for her jump back to the Sun. Hopefully this thing would give them some answers on what exactly this whole thing was meant to accomplish...
–
Far away in another part of the galaxy, a pair of mildly glowing red eyes was laser-focused on a large screen that was just one of many that had merged all over Nedstaniot-Station to broadcast the breaking news to anyone willing to lift their eyes at a slight angle to look at them.
An attack on a coreworld. And not just any coreworld. Gewelitten itself. Something like this hadn't happened in...well, Curi didn't even know how long.
Details seemed to still be incredibly fuzzy as the battle so close to the coluyvoree homeworld had either just happened or was still happening at the moment of the broadcast, however what few details were known were already repeated on end in an endless scroll of text that was meant to catch as many people up to speed as was at all possible through the medium of television. Obviously the same emerging details could already be looked up on the net as well to find them in a more digestible format than the endlessly moving text next to the not exactly top quality footage of the occurring conflict.
However, despite the speed with which it went by, Curi had no problem following the scroll as they stared at the screen intensely.
“Attack was unannounced. Multiple Gewelitten fleet ships destroyed. Official sources confirm: Humanity NOT the aggressor. Attacking ships presumed to be of zodiatos origin. Unknown weapon technology deployed during the attack. U.H.S.D.F. ships engaged in combat after aggression. Myiat delegation ship confirmed unharmed. Attack on government facility on planet simultaneous to spacial attack. Councilman-Candidate Aldwin confirmed unharmed. Status of U.H.S.D.F. General Krieger unknown. Status of Gewelitten Governor H. Cierrophai unknown. Status of Acting-Councilman Afuéhner unknown. Allied coreworld defense fleets activated and inbound. General alert level raised to 8. Hyperspace-travel shut down around the system.”
“Mother, oh no...” Mueen said with absolute shock in his eyes, both of his hands clasped over this mouth as his wide pupils quivered in fear from what they witnessed.
Curi could understand his worry. Though Moar had supposedly been with James, so she would probably be fine. The cyborg was certainly more than just a little relieved that James was already confirmed to be safe. Though the idea that Admiral Krieger's situation was unknown was more than just a little disconcerting.
Though despite the supposed lack of their commanding officer, it seemed like the humans had decisively won out in the battle outside of the coreworld's atmosphere; unknown technology or not.
Given the sub-par footage that some drone was likely recording from quite far away from the actual conflict, it was very hard to tell just what sort of weapon the unknown but presumed to be zodiatos attackers had unleashed there. It looked like some sort of emanating energy that destroyed what it came into contact with but also interacted with it as if it had a physical presence.
Curi had never seen anything remotely like it before – not even in their wildest theories – and their mind immediately wanted to go wild with speculations and ideas about how such a thing might work now that they knew for a fact that it was possible from seeing it with their own eyes.
However, the cyborg pulled themselves together and successfully forced the briefly almost overwhelming desire to focus on nothing else down as they shifted their gaze slightly away from the screen to look over at their other currently nearby company.
Then again, as much as they knew they couldn't let their guard down around him, Reprig's eyes were just as immovably attached to the large screen as Mueen's were as he witnessed the unfolding battle with quivering horror.
His trunk was wiggling wildly in his face and one of his hands nervously scratched over the plate of the table they were all sitting and standing at and on, right next to a piece of paper with a hastily drawn sketch of a spring-like mechanical leg that was inspired by what humans called 'running blades'. The Warrant Officer's weapon also laid on the table, pushed a but further away from his hand so he wouldn't be able to easily reach it.
Though despite his focus, Curi couldn't quite help but speak up after a moment of watching him. “A coreworld attacking another coreworld,” they said to the man, who they knew either had to know far more than they did about this – or would be far more invested in it unfolding. “This is unprecedented.”
Reprig seemed to notice that they were talking to him, however he still remained silent and stared a good few moments longer before finally pulling his gaze away from the screen.
As his eyes met theirs, he looked a bit sick. It almost reminded the cyborg of one of the first interactions they had with the man, back when they nudged him slightly to hand his spy-device back to him after he tried to hide it in James' cabin. Though this time, the cyborg was quite sure that they were not the reason why the man seemed like most of his blood was currently rushing into his stomach.
Could he actually be shocked about what was happening? Was this not part of the plan?
“Unprecedented doesn't even come close to describing it...” he mumbled and couldn't hold the cyborg's gaze for long, looking down to the table's plate instead. “And these aren't just any coreworlds. Osontjar and Gewelitten have been allied for an unimaginably long time. The thought that they would even think of attacking each other...what sort of madness could've caused something like this?”
Curi was the first to admit to themselves that they were far from the best at reading people. If someone with even a modicum of skill in acting wanted to make them believe something untrue about the person they were talking to, they would never deny that there was a good chance of that person succeeding.
Still, Reprig's reaction felt...genuine to them. As if he had actually never expected something like this to happen. Not in a million years.
Maybe it was just skillful acting. And Curi knew that they should have been suspicious like that. However, despite everything he had done, they couldn't quite bring themselves to suspect that he was lying at that moment.
“I know it is unlikely you will give me an honest answer, but-” Curi began to say, however Reprig was more than able to anticipate what they were going to ask and replied long before they were finished.
“No. No. Never,” the sipusserleng said, shaking his head heavily and standing his trunk up while making a denying gesture with his hand that was so brash that he actually knocked his crutch off the small outcrop in the table it had been laid down on. “This must be some absolutely deranged people, no two ways about it. To attack a coreword...”
Curi noticed Reprig's gaze briefly twitching down, his eyes jumping onto the personal assistant strapped to his lower arm as if he suddenly got the urge to use it for something.
Curi suspected he likely wanted to call someone; question them to make extra sure that they had, in fact, nothing to do with this. Though the sipusserleng suppressed the urge and pulled his eyes away, bringing them back up to the screen.
Just at that moment, the implosion of collapsing hyperspace suddenly lit up the footage moments before the glowing remnants of what once had been the zodiatos ships were scattered across the star-system.
Mueen mumbled something in his home's language as his eyes remained affixed to the screen. Curi couldn't even begin to guess what he was saying. However, his voice sounded pleading.
“Suicide instead of surrender?” Reprig meanwhile mouthed breathlessly as his nervous tick of excessively licking his trunk began to show.
Although he had often been otherwise employed in recent times, Curi could see it in the man's eyes that he was still, in a way, military at heart. He knew the general values and doctrines that were conveyed to the soldiers of the Communal Military, both inside and out. And the idea of someone choosing death like this...it seemed to rock him to his very core.
Slowly, he turned his gaze over to Curi. His eyes were almost pleading with the cyborg, even if they seemed to already know that his next question would be asked in vain.
“Could it maybe have been the humans and their-” he began, but this time, it was Curi's term to cut him off after anticipating what was coming.
“While humans very much employ the collapsing of hyperspace as a tactic in war, the process is not invisible – or even subtle. Had the human ships caused that collapse, it would've been noticeable,” they explained succinctly. “It could've still been a mere unexpected failure of the hyperspace generation, of course. However, with the rarity of such events, the timing seems...unlikely.”
“They weren't even trying to generate a real stretch...” Reprig concurred dejectedly and left his head hanging, his trunk also sinking down limply. “I can't even imagine- Well...I hope they will at least find peace now, away from the madness.”
Curi paused for a long moment, staring at the Warrant Officer some more. Admittedly, the cyborg was a bit confounded at something. They knew for a fact the man had put his own life on the line for his orders, with a very real chance that they would lead to his death, more than just once. And yet the idea of being ordered to die seemed to disturb him. They couldn't quite figure out the difference that led to the results in reaction being so incredibly different, however it was still very clear that there was one.
And it seemed to hit the man hard.
Self-admittedly, Curi didn't exactly pity the man. They didn't quite have the capacity to. They knew about so many horrible things he had done that simply seeing him distressed was far from enough to stir such deep empathy for him within them.
Yet still, they weren't left entirely cold by it either – and if it was only because he seemed to be affected by these events in the ways a, for a lack of a better term, 'normal person' would be. He was shocked at the sudden, seemingly senseless violence, and concerned about the people involved.
Granted, it was likely only because they were people he considered worth being concerned about, yet still, the reaction was so...'normal', in a way they didn't quite expect from someone with such a capability for unceremonious acts of cruelty and violence. Even this person who had tried to kill them, or at least had been entirely comfortable with them getting killed, was capable of such a reaction.
And Curi...wasn't sure if that made things better or worse, if they were being honest.
It felt better because there was the capability for empathy there, however...it felt worse because they felt how they had been and likely still were willingly denied said empathy.
He could have cared...he just didn't want to.
Curi shook their body heavily, causing mild sounds from the engines running their legs' movements from the sudden force as they tried to shoo away emotions that they really didn't want to be feeling at that exact moment.
The thing that mostly kept them from following up on some of their uncomfortably aggressive thoughts at that moment was the fact that Mueen was still with them, the worry for his mother written across his features like a deep engraving in a metal plaque. He did not need anything like that around him right now, that much was clear.
Slowly, they moved over to him and reached up one of their long legs to run it along his arm while he still covered parts of his large face with both hands.
“She will be alright,” Curi then assured the dark-furred rafulite, switching from their usual voice box to their more “melodic” one to put on a gentle, calming tone. “She is stronger than she seems.”
Inhaling deeply as his nostrils flared, Mueen closed his dark eyes and swallowed heavily, taking his gaze off the large screen for the first time in many minutes while slowly hanging his head down.
“Yeah,” he said, seeming to force hopefulness into his tone. “Yes, she'll be fine. She made it his far. This won't get to her.”
Curi nodded with their entire body and continued to run the tip of their leg along his arm.
“She will be,” they repeated, both to the man and themselves as their own eyes moved upwards, their gaze falling back on the battlefield riddled with burning remnants of matter. “I'm sure of it.”
–
Never in his life had James felt so drunk and so sober at the same time. His mind was entirely clear, running a light-year a minute as it desperately tried to simultaneously process all the admittedly little information that he had in his current situation AND to not absolutely freak out while doing so somehow – a task he was ludicrously failing at. And it did NOT help that his body could barely keep itself on his own two feet.
He had avoided completely fainting by a hair earlier after reminding himself that, instead of being terrified for Shida's life, it would be much more fair towards her to simply focus on trusting in her skills to carry her through. However, that was barely a little patch on an enormous crack in his facade as he couldn't help but go over and over and over the fact of how much worse the situation that she needed to jump into here had been for her simply because it was his damn birthday and they wanted to indulge over it. He should've stopped that, but noooo, he just had to go and let himself be swayed so damn easily, as if he was still that little boy following Koko around whenever she visited the compound to try and get some attention.
Of course, a quiet voice in the back of his head tried to politely remind him that Shida had, in fact, not only taken part in the festivities as well but also encouraged him to do so, however it was easily overpowered by the screaming rest of his mind.
He briefly glanced over at the only somewhat conscious Commander. When she said that they should match each other's drinks, that should've been the moment he stopped. She was like half his weight, what the hell was he thinking?
His mechanical hand shot up, heavily gripping a fist full of hair as he tried to force himself to focus. What's done is done. There's no changing it. He should focus on anything else right now.
Though as he painfully pulled on his hair like that, his eyes suddenly went wide as he noticed something. Or, more precisely, didn't notice something.
When had the alarm stopped? Just now? Or had it been out and he just hadn't noticed?
Letting go of his hair, he lifted his face and looked around. If the alarm was over, then that meant...
The uncoordinated movement of soldiers reaching for their phones and radios with different speeds went through the room, and after brief confirmation, the uniformed forces began to move, having seemingly gotten new orders other than guarding the safe-rooms. Apparently, the threat was over.
James quickly fumbled for his own phone, his barely coordinated hands struggling extremely with the simple task of trying to call one of his contacts – much to the frustration of his already cleared mind. His finger trembled as he swiped it across the screen, trying to get it to the right damn place to make a simple god-damn call.
However, he froze in the motion at a quiet sound that was immediately followed by a sudden stir behind him as multiple people seemed to move quickly. And after just a second, James was among them as well.
Nearly tripping over his feet, he damn near threw himself onto the sickbed that didn't stand too far away from him, his phone momentarily forgotten and eyes wide open as they stared over at an endlessly familiar dark face, that however had life in it for the first time in what felt like an eternity at that moment.
Slowly and twitchy, Nia's eyes fluttered open as she let out quiet groans while mildly stirring in place while her doctors and nurses hurried around her and quickly began to take her vitals.
After flinching heavily as a flashlight was quite suddenly shone into her eyes to test her photopupillary reflex, she began to move even more. Meanwhile, James and Tuya were basically pressed shoulder to shoulder close to the foot of her bed, the only thing keeping them from dashing right up to her face being just enough awareness to not get in the doctor's way.
Still, although her movements were very slow, stiff, and groggy, Nia eventually lifted up her head, looking around with still somewhat hazy and half-closed eyes. But that didn't stop her from smiling when her gaze fell onto the two who so nervously stood at her bedside there.
“Hey,” she said in a quiet, croaky, but still very much cheerful voice as her unkempt hair fell down both sides of her face.
Though James didn't see much more than that, because just about at that moment, his vision was entirely taking away by welling-up waters sweeping him along.

I'm wondering if anyone has advice or has broken up with a friend. So I (28F) have friend, let's call her Angie (27F) and we've been friends since high school and let's just say there's been a number of things that have happened where I have felt like an option or that she doesn't really want to be friends, one of the big things is that during grade 11 a couple of girls started bullying me and she then became really good friends with them during that year. Last summer when I moved back to live with my parents, she's in the same city we met up, she ended up cancelling our 2nd meet up and then ghosted me for two months, wanted to get together and then ghosted me again for a week, but was able to meet up with other friends etc. So that's when I decided to slowly start endings things and declining invites, not acknowledging her birthday that kinda thing, so I then wrote a letter that I would want to read to her kinda outlining my feelings as kinda a final thing to say, this is how I'm feeling, advocating for myself that kinda thing, things I've been working on with my therapist, just wondering if anyone has done that sorta thing just more for the closure and how has it gone, did you find it helped things for yourself and any other tips. Thanks.

After navigating a shitstorm Mother’s Day debacle and having some peace where we weren’t really in contact for the week, my mother (71) managed to get to me (41f) this past weekend by calling on my brother’s (49 - he lives with them) phone. We had a heated conversation (brother and dad also in the room while I’m on speaker phone) where I attempted to place a hard boundary that she does not own my time and I can not and will not be available for her at her whims.
This did not go over well and she fucking raged and I got her wrath. Haven’t talked to her since. She has been a nightmare for the past 2 months and constantly demanding my ear and attention whenever she wants. She is the main caregiver to my elderly and ill father. She uses this as her weapon to say she’s taking care of him, and justifies all of her tantrums and shitty behavior that she is sooo stressed out taking care of my dad. Mind you, my brother also takes care of him.
My brother texts me today that she is now bitching that we didn’t plan anything for Memorial Day for her and my dad. Like wtf? It’s not your birthday lady. Why do you assume that every long weekend is automatically going to be spent with you and WE need to plan it? If you want to go out - go out. Her constant nagging and bitching makes me so angry. When we have tried to plan things in the past, we end up listening to her complain, cry, and/or rage and don’t even end up going. Everything is about her mood and when she wants it.
TLDR: moms being a fucking pain in the ass throwing constant tantrums and expects to be treated like a queen

My best friend of 15 years completely cut me off and began a smear campaign about me when she realized her brother in law (her husband's brother) and I had feelings for each other. This happened almost a year ago, when she told me that she, her husband, and her BIL were coming to my city for a baseball game, and I told her I always thought her BIL was attractive. She immediately responded with, "OMG me too! I've always wondered how big his dick is!". Odd response, but ok. From then on, she kept pushing me to sleep with him so she could live vicariously through me and to spare no detail, but I told her over and over that I wouldn't do that, since I was very close to her, her family, and her husband's family and felt things could get messy if it was purely physical. In between that visit and another, her BIL and I started texting and talking all day every day, and we quickly realized our feelings for each other. He and I had all the conversations regarding how to tell her and his family, how we'd navigate a long distance relationship, what would happen if things didn't work out, etc, but we didn't even get a chance to talk to my BFF or his brother because as soon as she caught wind of our feelings, she completely blew up on me and said, " You were allowed to fuck him! You weren't allowed to catch feelings!" When I asked her why, she couldn't give me a straight answer except she thought it would ruin our friendship because it would never work out anyway. She says me being with him is “disloyal” to her.
She immediately cut me off altogether, and this has led to several months of her desperately trying to get his parents on her side by trying to use my past against me and telling his mom that I wasn't good enough for him. She divulged secrets said in the confidence of a best friendship to his parents, and even gone so far as to make up outright lies about me.
I'm still struggling to process this, as I was her best friend for 15 years, the Maid of Honor in her wedding, and was asked to be her son's Godmother...so how am I not good enough for her brother in law? It's been almost a year now, and his parents are so furious with her and her husband (their oldest son) for causing a rift in the family, and they fully support our relationship. Now there's conversations surrounding family get togethers, holidays, birthdays, and what will happen since she and her husband have openly said I am no longer welcome in their home.
I do not know how to move forward with the betrayal, nor have I responded to her actions in any way in 8 months. I’m not sure how much she knows about what I know she's said about me…I have been silent since she cut me off and blocked me on all channels. I feel terrible for his parents and how they're in the middle, and she never should have involved them.
For context, her BIL and I are extremely happy and have moved in together with his parent's support and blessing. He and I are best friends and have such a healthy, loving, supportive, fun, and trustworthy relationship, but my former best friend will not back down and will not let go of her feelings and claims I owe her an apology. I, my boyfriend, and even his parents feel I have nothing to apologize for. I tried talking to her several times when this all first went down and begged her not to end our friendship, but she cut me off, so I stopped reaching out. Now she’s claiming she feels it’s time to reconcile (probably because she couldn’t get anyone but her husband on her side), but wants an apology from me.
So, am I the asshole for falling in love with her brother in law?

Hi guys. I’ve recently got a gold card, I should hit the 20,000 MRP within 3 months.
I reckon I should have spent around 6-7k on the card come the end of the year, not sure how many points I will have accumulated by then but I’d love to experience a first class/business class flight even if it is one way.
Just had some questions as I’m totally lost, by EOY is it best to convert the MRP to avois to get more bang for your buck? (Birthday in Dec so would love to book a first/business seat for the occasion!)
Obviously it’s month/year dependent but typically does anyone know how many MRP/avois points is needed to redeem for a first/business flight to say Dubai or even Europe? From say London/Ireland which I briefly read could make flights cheaper when using the points.
Finally I’ve spent 1.4k this month and payment is due on my account by June 20th, I’m kinda use to paying minimum/just above on my other credit cards as most of them atm still have 0% interest free.. does anyone pay the full statement balance in full on their gold cards/similar and is it frowned upon by Amex if you hold balances on cards like the gold? In terms of future credit limit increases, opening an additional Amex card account.
Thanks