I’m 37. 22st male statins. Basildon hospital. I was working out in a garage for 6 months boxing lost 4 stone from24. I went to the garage to hit the punch bag felt drained 2 o’clock in the morning felt like I was having a heart attack. So went to the hospital for them to say it’s not which is great news but gave me naproxen but I was already taking statins for high cholesterol. 2nd day of taking them I had a really bad reaction. Hives all over face swollen lips. Felt very strange for months afterwards very weak. Throat would go tight and swell after eaten foods and drinks. I thought I was allergic to these. So would get test always come negative then I asked for a full allergies test 10 months ago I’ve been waiting for ten months I had it booked for next month on the 3rd only for the clinic to cancel my appointment that I’ve been desperately waiting for. I’m gutted they have just randomly cancelled. this is Basildon, and honestly I felt like it was keeping me going. 14 months of hell the doctors have been pretty poor to me I never ever go to the doctors until 14 months ago. I’ve had the ambulance out on a number of occasions I’ve been up the hospital during the nights because I’ve woken up with tight throat. It’s not strep negative it’s not cobble stone negative the believe it could be allergies they also believe it to be silent reflux had taken medication lanzopro can’t spell very well either lol but was making me unwell, I get blurry vision and was asked to get my eyes tested my eyes haven’t changed and are ok. Burning throat white mucus. Probably unrelated but also started 14months ago right shoulder pain right back of neck pain. Because I’ve been going through this for a long time you can imagine mental stress off my throat closing up and not being able to breathe properly. I’ve taken Antihistamine every day for 14 months I feel like they don’t help. I have had test for pots copd and asthma was all under long Covid testing but the only thing they found was a restriction on my left lung but don’t know what it is. I got referred to respiratory clinic FINALY after 14 months of begging then I got a letter to say it will be October. I’m very depressed on how things are going I’m not getting the correct help the doctors I’ve had to change because the lady wasn’t helping me so I made a complaint and refused to see her and the see the head nurse if that’s a thing she wasn’t much better I said I need test to see what these lumps are it could be a tumour or cancer she laughed at me. I put the phone down check my nhs app online for her to write. patient thinks he has cancer and he would benefit from counselling therapy and now I’m doing therapy second session honestly hand on my heart these gps have really made me feel like I’m going insane at times. Can’t find nothing wrong with me but I’m really unwell with all this. Blury eyes sore tight throat flare up. Itchy skin sometimes swollen tongue itchy skin after shower, hard to swallow at times back of tongue lumps swell red spots on tongue keep having white film over tongue white mucus over throat fatigued every day. Wake up during the night with tingling arms and shoulders. Was out in the sun the other day few hours my hands burned but felt tingling for days. Very dry hands almost like I was having a reaction from the sun. Im not a praying man but I’ve done a lot of praying this year. Any help suggestions would great be appreciated. I’m at the end with it all.

30m and have been lurking on here since I first started twitching 7 months ago. I just wanted to share my experience, although I do fear I will be very long winded...TLDR I got really anxious, body started acting really weird, focused on physical/mental improvements, started feeling better!
I think this story will sound quite familiar for everyone on here...after a period of inactivity I began experiencing unfamiliar physical sensations that started ringing alarm bells in my head. I had lingering shoulder pain for no discernible reason that was radiating down my arm and giving tingles into my neck area. When this hung around for a couple of months, I made a visit to my GP and they paid it no mind. As it started getting worse, our old friend Dr. Google of course was telling me that this is MS. The feeling of numbness started spreading and I basically was melting down for the entire winter over this. A family friend who is a neurologist recommended finding a colleague of his locally just to check that box and move on.
As this was all peaking, I started to notice a squirming feeling in the arch of my foot, along with tightness/cramping along my entire leg. This eventually settled into pretty constant foot twitches and pain across my entire foot. I was continuing to shut down and those around me were quite aware that something was wrong with me. I agreed of course, and was insisting it was a neurological problem. They then agreed with that, and that the problem was my anxiety.
I finally had my appointment with the neurologist in February and he identified zero issues during his clinical exam. He did order an EMG on my arm due to the length of time that the shoulder issue was lingering. It was of course completely clean, and he couldn't have been less interested concerning my foot/leg. I showed him a video of my foot spasming, and he remarked "that is as relevant of a symptom to there being a major issue as your eyes being brown." He said to see an orthopedic doctor and that I won't need to see a neurologist for at least 40 years.
This offered temporary relief, and my shoulder started feeling better. But as that was happening, the twitches started spreading all over. First it moved across to my other foot, and then up my calves into my lower thigh near my knees. I started freaking out again. The foot pain was persisting, so I visited the orthopedic doctor. They couldn't really identify any sort of problem and referred me to a neurophysiologist to perform an EMG on my legs.
As I waited patiently for the month to pass until that appointment, I decided that I needed to have a mentality shift with this situation. It was time to focus on the things that I can control, which is both my physical activity and mental health. I started working with a physical therapist and also a CBT therapist. Both have been invaluable! I started seeing physical improvement and continued to push myself exercise wise. I made it a point of emphasis to walk at least 2.5 miles every day and to resume pickup basketball/golfing. I made big strides with my therapist and they ended up referring me to a psychiatrist. Eventually an SSRI was recommended and that has been a big help as well.
The EMG date came, and even though I had started feeling better, I was extremely nervous. My twitches were very wide spread (foot, calf, knee, thigh, butt, abs, neck, biceps, triceps, forearm, and hands) and still causing me distress. The EMG was completely clean with zero findings, which of course everyone predicted.
It has been a month since then, and I'm feeling the best I have physically and mentally in 2 years. I'm still twitching all over, mostly in my legs, but it has been reduced by quite a margin. I have no interest in going back to see any doctors for quite some time. This twitching stuff is so distressing at first and the periods of uncertainty/confusion are legitimately traumatizing. I just felt that it was really important to share a positive story for others that are still in that period of time.
Please feel free to reach out if you ever want to talk, and focus on improving the things that are within your control!

29M. Posted here a couple times in the last few weeks. Current symptoms for the past 4 weeks.
• Tongue feels stiff at the base. Burning sensation at the tip of my tongue sometimes. I swear I’m slurring or on the verge of slurring, but no one has said anything. I focus on it all day long. I’m tongue thrusting I think. I find myself pushing on the back of my teeth. I drink/eat/swallow just fine so that’s helpful.
• Twitching in my calves, thighs, quads and biceps at rest.
• Shoulders/biceps seem to be sore quickly when I use them.
• Tired really quickly, like sleepy tired.
• I had some jaw tightness and pain a couple weeks ago but that went away for the most part.
Not sure if this sub is helping me or hurting me. I’m aware I’m hyperfocused and have some health anxiety going on, probably making it worse by reading on here all the time.
I haven’t gone to my PCP yet, and I don’t plan to right now. I went through a similar episode of body wide twitching and tongue stuff last year about this time, but it went away in about a month. My tongue stuff is different this time. I had twitching in my tongue last year (sounded like pop rocks). This year I haven’t noticed or heard any tongue twitching.
I think this all started when I was getting stressed at work, then I found out I was going to have a heart procedure to repair a PFO that’s scheduled for June, but hard to tell.
Figure this would’ve gone away by now so I’m looking for reassurance from anyone that has had some similar symptoms and how long it lasted for you. Thanks.

Hi! A short update to my story. Today I had another exam at the clinic. The doctor made a physical exam and a EMG (both tights and a upper arm). She saw some noise on the right tight but she didn’t seem concerned. She also spoke to the senior neurologist. She didn’t notice the fasciculations on my calves, which is a good sign. She said I should do light sport and that my muscle pain should normally go away. There are no clues which direct to ALS or something serious. She took some blood to do some blood work. She’ll call me if something should be wrong.
She referred me to a neurologist close to me for follow up exams, just to be sure.

I've got a herniated l5/S1, numbness along the back of my right leg, tingling bottom of foot, etc. Got an injection 2 wks ago (didn't do much, followup tomorrow), and I've been doing pt.
The entire time, my calf has been almost completely locked tight. Very unpleasant, but I'm dealing.
Recently, while asleep, I get a sudden complete and total contraction of my calf muscle, it's the worst pain I've ever felt. Ever. Woke up screaming in agony. Lasts a few seconds at max pain, then loosens up and levels off at an 8 or so and drops over the next few hours.
I haven't seen anything about this particular symptom. Anyone else get this/have any thoughts on it?

I have a really weird phobia of getting hacked, ever since i had a couple bad experiences of losing some really important accounts on a video game, something really strange happens
Worst thing that happens: if i can’t log into an account, or I suddenly get logged out of anything, i begin to cry, breathe extremely quickly, feel dizzy, my ears begin to feel tingly (idk why), and i begin to yell irrational solutions, shaking, and then prolonged paranoia after that. all those are happening at once
Bad: if i see the log in screen on the gane that I lost those accounts, I feel like crying, i feel dizzy, weird ear tingling, stomach gets tight, short breathing, and i fell my fight, flight and freeze response begining to act up
Least bad: if i see a password reset button, i feel my stomach getting tight, i begin to feel dizzy, and i get shivers down my spine and also the weird tingly ear thing
I don’t want to sound like ‘oH oNE Of tHOsE cRoNiCaLLY oNLiNE GeN Zs’ but I really want to know what this phobia is and how to fix it

Roughly 3 weeks ago, I was doing a lot of heavy lifting, while cleaning my basement. That evening, my back was feeling very tight. I used a back massager and was kneading the muscles, in between my shoulder blades. The device slipped and hit my spine. It hurt for a minute, but then stopped. However, that night I woke up with a dull ache and could not sleep. The pain stops during the day when I am up moving around. It gets worse if I am riding in the car for a long time, sitting for a long time and during the night, while sleeping. I am so frustrated because I am already going to a chiropractor for my neck, and I have an appointment with a specialist for my shoulder. (UNRELATED issues that I have been struggling with for months) I am SO FRUSTRATED, I do not have the time, nor money to see ANOTHER DOCTOR for a new issue. Does anyone have insight on why it feels better during the day when moving and then worse at night when I sit and sleep? I have no tingling and no sharp shooting pains. It is in and isolated area between shoulder blades. It is an aching feeling. I am just worried because I am on week 3. I usually go to power yoga, but have not been practicing, so it can heal.

I spend a lot of time researching how our nervous system works and what may contribute to the development of Visual Snow and other symptoms. Remember that there is a lot of vital information that I do not know, and may greatly benefit our understanding of this condition. Visual snow is described as an "epileptic" firing in the visual system in the brain. (Tinnitus behaves very similarly but it is occurring in the auditory nerves) NMDA glutamate receptors, which are overexpressed after excitotoxic injury may well be the trigger of an increased spontaneous firing in the nerves. In turn, the brain would decode this increased firing as "visual snow" The idea is that remaining nerve endings have been damaged enough to overexpress NMDA Glutamate receptors, thus increasing their spontaneous firing.There are various factors that contribute to the development of this condition. Everybody first had an initial trigger, and this varies from person to person. Common causes include stress, trauma, recreational and prescription drugs, Lyme, mold, heavy metals, and other toxic exposures. But what they all result in is brain injury and neuronal damage. The severity varies from person to person. The consequences of such injury doesn't just cause break in communication between healthy neurons, but a cascade of events that can lead to further neuronal degeneration and cell death. That is where visual snow comes in. Think of a broken radio or a TV where it isn't able to receive and process incoming signals so the outcome is a lot of visual/auditory noise. Our brains behave in a similar manner when there is an interference with proper neuron function and communication.Another good example is a type of neuropathic pain called paresthesia where you experience tingling and pricking sensations in various parts of your body. When nerves are damaged, they can't communicate properly and that miscommunication causes symptoms such as pain, tingling or numbness.Medical researchers searching for new medications for visual snow often look to the connection between the nerve cells in the brain and the various agents that act as neurotransmitters, such as the central nervous system's primary excitatory neurotransmitter glutamate. Visual snow can be caused when damaged brain cells emit an excess of glutamate. Many treatments use ingredients that work as glutamate antagonists, or inhibitors. Communication between nerve cells in the brain is accomplished through the use of neurotransmitters. There are many compounds that act as neurotransmitters including acetylcholine, serotonin, GABA, glutamate, aspartate, epinephrine, norpinephrine and dopamine. These chemicals attach to nerve cells at specific receptors that allow for only one type of neurotransmitter to attach.Some of the neurotransmitters are excitatory; leading to increased electrical transmission between nerve cells. Others are inhibitory and reduce electrical activity. The most common excitatory neurotransmitters are glutamate and aspartate while the primary inhibitory neurotransmitter is GABA. It is necessary for excitatory and inhibitory neurotransmitters to be in balance for proper brain function to occur.Communication over synapses between neurons are controlled by glutamate. When brain cells are damaged, excessive glutamate is released. Glutamate is well known to have neurotoxic properties when excessively released or incompletely recycled. This is known as excitotoxicity and leads to neuronal death.Excess glutamate opens the sodium channel in the neuron and causes it to fire. Sodium continues to flow into the neuron causing it to continue firing. This continuous firing of the neuron results in a rapid buildup of free radicals and inflammatory compounds. These compounds attack the mitochondria, the energy producing elements in the core of the neuron cell. The mitochondria become depleted and the neuron withers and dies.Excitotoxicity has been involved in a number of acute and/or degenerative forms of neuropathology such as epilepsy, autism, ALS, Parkinson’s, schizophrenia, migraines, restless leg syndrome, tourettes, pandas, fibromyalgia, multiple sclerosis, Huntington's, seizures, insomnia, hyperactivity, OCD, bipolar disorder and anxiety disorders.(Doctors use two basic ways to correct this imbalance. The first is to activate GABA receptors that will inhibit the continuous firing caused by glutamate. The second way to correct the imbalance is use antogonists to glutamate and its receptor N-methyl-d-aspartate (NMDA). These are termed glutamate or NMDA antagonists. By binding with these receptors, the antagonist medication reduces glutamate-induced continuous firing of the neuron. This explains why some drugs like clonazepam and lamictal are able to help relieve symptoms in some patients. They help reduce excitatory action in the brain temporarily)Anxiety, depression, brain fog, depersonalization, visual disturbances (including visual snow, palinopsia, blue field entoptic phenomenon, photophobia, photopsia) headaches, tinnitus, are all common symptoms associated with increased excitatory activity in the brain. Excessive glutamate is the primary villain in visual snow.I strongly believe there are some genetic components that play a huge role in the development of Visual Snow and makes some individuals more susceptible to developing it. Normally, glutamate concentration is tightly controlled in the brain by various mechanisms at the synapse. There are at least 30 proteins that are membrane-bound receptor or transporter proteins at, or near, the glutamate synapse that control or modulate neuronal excitability. But in Visual Snow sufferers, my hypothesis is that we carry a faulty gene that results in dysregulation of the proteins that control and regulate glutamate excitability. They are unknown as more research will be needed.We live in a society where we are stressed emotionally, financially, physically and exposed to a range of toxins in our environment. Combining underlying genetic susceptibility with these other factors creates all the ingredients for a perfect storm.Stress + Infectious Agents (if any) + Toxins + Genetic Susceptibility = Health ConditionIncluded below is a list of things that can lead to excitotoxicity. The list includes trauma, drugs, environmental, chemicals and miscellaneous causes of brain cell damage. (Keep in mind everybody's bodies behave and react differently to various substances)-Severe Stress (Most people that are stressed out don’t realize that once the fight-or-flight response gets activated it can release things like cortisol and epinephrine into the body. Although these boost alertness, in major concentrations, the elevated levels of cortisol over an extended period of time can damage brain functioning and kill brain cells)-Free Radicals – Free radicals are highly-reactive forms of oxygen that can kill brain cells and cause brain damage. If the free radicals in your brain run rampant, your neurons will be damaged at a quicker rate than they can be repaired. This leads to brain cell death as well as cognitive decline if not corrected. (Common causes are unhealthy diet, lifestyle and toxic exposure)-Head Trauma (like concussion or contusion) MRI can detect damaged brain tissue BUT not damaged neurons. -Dehydration (severe)-Cerebal Hypoxia-Lyme disease-Narcolepsy-Sleep Apnea-Stroke-Drugs (recreational or prescription) -Amphetamine abuse-Methamphetamines-Antipsychotics-Benzodiazepine abuse-Cocaine-Esctasy -LSD-Cannabis-Tobacco-Inhalants-Nitrous Oxide-PCP-Steroids-Air Pollution-Carbon Monoxide-Heavy Metal Exposure (such as lead, copper and mercury)-Mold Exposure-Welding fumes-Formaldehyde-Solvents-Pesticides-Anesthesia-Aspartame-MSG (Monosodium Glutamate is found in most processed foods and is hidden under many various names)-Solvents-Chemotherapy-Radiation-Other toxic exposuresInside the Glutamate StormBy: Vivian Teichberg, and Luba Vikhanski"The amino acid glutamate is the major signaling chemical in nature. All invertebrates (worms, insects, and the like) use glutamate for conveying messages from nerve to muscle. In mammals, glutamate is mainly present in the central nervous system, brain, and spinal cord, where it plays the role of a neuronal messenger, or neurotransmitter. In fact, almost all brain cells use glutamate to exchange messages. Moreover, glutamate can serve as a source of energy for the brain cells when their regular energy supplier, glucose, is lacking. However, when its levels rise too high in the spaces between cells—known as extracellular spaces—glutamate turns its coat to become a toxin that kills neurons.As befits a potentially hazardous substance, glutamate is kept safely sealed within the brain cells. A healthy neuron releases glutamate only when it needs to convey a message, then immediately sucks the messenger back inside. Glutamate concentration inside the cells is 10,000 times greater than outside them. If we follow the dam analogy, that would be equivalent to holding 10,000 cubic feet of glutamate behind the dam and letting only a trickle of one cubic foot flow freely outside. A clever pumping mechanism makes sure this trickle never gets out of hand: When a neuron senses the presence of too much glutamate in the vicinity—the extracellular space—it switches on special pumps on its membrane and siphons the maverick glutamate back in.This protective pumping process works beautifully as long as glutamate levels stay within the normal range. But the levels can rise sharply if a damaged cell spills out its glutamate. In such a case, the pumps on the cellular membranes can no longer cope with the situation, and glutamate reveals its destructive powers. It doesn’t kill the neuron directly. Rather, it overly excites the cell, causing it to open its pores excessively and let in large quantities of substances that are normally allowed to enter only in limited amounts.One of these substances is sodium, which leads to cell swelling because its entry is accompanied by an inrush of water, needed to dilute the surplus sodium. The swelling squeezes the neighboring blood vessels, preventing normal blood flow and interrupting the supply of oxygen and glucose, which ultimately leads to cell death. Cell swelling, however, is reversible; the cells will shrink back once glutamate is removed from brain fluids. More dangerous than sodium is calcium, which is harmless under normal conditions but not when it rushes inside through excessively opened pores. An overload of calcium destroys the neuron’s vital structures and eventually kills it.Regardless of what killed it, the dead cell spills out its glutamate, all the vast quantities of it that were supposed to be held back by the dam. The spill overly excites more cells, and these die in turn, spilling yet more glutamate. The destructive process repeats itself over and over, engulfing brain areas until the protective pumping mechanism finally manages to stop the spread of glutamate."Recent research has confirmed that hypermetabolism has been primarily found in the right lingual gyrus and left cerebellar anterior lobe of the brain in individuals suffering from visual snow. The definition of hypermetabolism is described as "the physiological state of increased rate of metabolic activity and is characterized by an abnormal increase in metabolic rate." Hypermetabolism typically occurs after significant injury to the body. It serves as one of the body's strongest defence against illness and injury. This means that the brain is trying to compensate for the injured areas in the brain by increasing metabolism to meet it's high energy demands. It is trying to function to the best of it's ability under the circumstances. Normally the body can heal itself and regenerate under the right circumstances. But it is extremely difficult for the central nervous system - which includes the spinal cord and brain to be able to do so, due to it's inhibitory environment which prevents new neurons from forming. That is where stem cells come in. Stem cells are an exciting new discovery, because they can become literally any cell in the body including neurons. This is an amazing scientific breakthrough and has the potential to treat a whole host of conditions. Scientists are currently doing research and conducting trials.Excitotoxicity can trigger your "fight or flight" response, as this is the body's primary response to illness, injury or infection. If the brain and the body remain in the sympathetic fight or flight state for too long and too often, it is degenerative; it breaks us down. If this cycle continues, then eventually the system burns out. It is this cycle that results in autonomic nervous system dysfunction. The results are disastrous, digestion is shut down, metabolism, immune function and the detoxification system is impaired, blood pressure and heart rate are increased, circulation is impaired, sleep is disrupted, memory and cognitive function may be impaired, neurotransmitters are drained, our sense of smell, taste and sound are amplified, high levels of norepinephrine are released in the brain and the adrenal glands release a variety of hormones like adrenaline and cortisol.I believe in order to find a treatment or cure for VS and it's accompanying symptoms, we need to address the underlying cause, reduce the excess excitatory activity in the brain, repair the damaged neurons, regain proper communication between neurons, rebalance the autonomic nervous system and prevent further cellular damage. We also need to figure out what genes, if any come into play. There is still a lot we don't know about the brain because it is such an remarkably complex organ.FAQsWon't lowering the levels of glutamate solve the problem? Well, not necessarily. That is just one piece of the puzzle. You have to remember that Visual Snow is a multifactorial and complex condition in which it stems from a number of different causes and influences. Based on my knowledge and the information I have gathered, I can conclude that the overstimulation of glutamate plays a huge role in VS and some other symptoms we experience. But there is still so much we don't know. That's why more research will be needed.Why is my condition worsening over time?That is a very good question. It is because the physiology, biology and chemistry of your brain and nervous system has been altered and has become dysfunctional since the initial trigger set off a domino of effects that leads to further degradation in the body. This puts a huge strain on your body and is constantly activating your stress response system. This will wreak havoc on your entire body. The stress response system was designed to deal with brief emergencies that threaten survival. It isn't supposed to last very long because the body cannot sustain itself for very long in this state. When you remain in "fight or flight" sympathetic state for too long, it becomes degenerative and breaks our bodies down. This affects every system in the body. When you are constantly under stress, the stress response system never turns off resulting in an ongoing destructive cycle. Stress can also exacerbate all your symptoms and makes you susceptible to developing other chronic health conditions. How is the gut related to VS?Having increased intestinal permeability is very common in this modern world because we are constantly being bombarded by toxins and stress. Our bodies weren't designed to handle such a huge burden. So we end up getting sick and become susceptible to kinds of diseases. Common causes include:-Poor diet (from excessive consumption of foods such as grains, legumes, sugars, alcohol)-Chronic stress-Toxin overload-Gut dysbiosis (It means you have a lack of beneficial bacteria in your gastrointestinal (GI) tract. They are overpowered and outnumbered by pathogens such as pathogenic bacteria, yeast, viruses, parasites)-Overuse of antibiotics When you have increased intestinal permeability, the epithelium on the villi of the small intestine becomes inflamed and irritated, which allows metabolic, microbial and environmental toxins and undigested food particles to flood into the blood stream. This event compromises the liver, the lymphatic system, and the immune response including the endocrine system. It is often the primary cause of the following common conditions: asthma, food allergies, chronic sinusitis, eczema, urticaria, migraine, irritable bowel, fungal disorders, fibromyalgia, and inflammatory joint disorders including rheumatoid arthritis are just a few of the diseases that can originate from having poor gut health.This sets the stage for chronic systemic inflammation, oxidative stress, mitochondrial dysfunction, impaired detoxification, gastrointestinal dysfunction and immune system dysregulation.Some toxins have the ability to damage and destroy neurons, myelin sheaths, synapses and even DNA. An overload of toxins that the immune system is not able to get rid of disrupts normal brain function. This eventually initiates an autoimmune response where the immune system attacks the brain and nerve cells as it tries it’s best to eliminate the toxins.The mitochondria are the energy producing section of your cells. When they are damaged by the toxic overload in the brain cells and are not able to produce energy to fuel the cell, the cell dies.In order to stop this vicious cycle, the underlying biological mechanisms of VS needs to be understood. That is the first step that needs to be taken. Any other stressors also needs to be addressed in order to reduce the overall stress load.It is important to know that VS is just a symptom of underlying physiological stress in the brain. Symptoms are your body's way of communicating with you, letting you know something is wrong in the body.I've come across some research indicating that microglial activation and elevated nitric oxide is involved in some neurological conditions. Basically the microglial cells are our brain's immune cells and when something triggers an inflammatory response, they activate and release harmful neurotoxic compounds (such as nitric oxide and pro-inflammatory cytokines) which results in neuronal injury/death. Microglial activation can also result in a loss of synaptic connections in different regions of the brain. It's basically an autoimmune response in the brain. The neuroinflammatory process appears to be an ongoing and chronic cycle of central nervous system dysfunction. This can deplete glutathione levels in the body. Glutathione is the body’s most important antioxidant which is capable of preventing oxidative damage caused by reactive oxygen species such as free radicals, peroxides, lipid peroxides, and heavy metals. This only further exaggerates the problem, which only leads to a cascade of increased inflammation.Nitric oxide plays a vital role in this process. Elevated nitric oxide levels reduces and impair natural killer cells which leads to a vulnerable immune system that is susceptible to a variety of systemic infections. -Phobe Zhang

2 years ago I bought a few pairs of the Everlane original cheeky straight jeans in size 25 and they fit perfectly. Just enough snug right before wearing, then they’d loosen up after 15 minutes. Even the length was maybe an inch too long for my liking, hitting the top of my foot.
Fast forward to today, they literally fit like skinny jeans. The rise is lower by an inch, they’re tight on my calves and thighs, and the length is higher than my ankle. They’re uncomfortable. I wash on cold and hang dry. I am also the same weight. When I hold them up next to one of my newer pairs, they are clearly 2 sizes smaller.
The jeans weren’t cheap. I don’t want to replace them only for this to happen again in 2 more years. I even tried soaking them in fabric softener and doing squats in them while wet. It helped but didn’t fix them enough to make them comfortable again.
What gives? Do all mostly cotton jeans do this or is this unusual?

Symptoms since last August have been.
Intermittent Sharp pain perennial when sitting Electric tingling senstions in ponis and perrenium. Constipation that eventually led to levator ani problems. Tightness in lower abs. Constantly tight pelvic floor muscles Urine hesitency that has now gone mostly. Pain in the penis underside particularly. Some hard flsccid.. About 10% of the time
Diagnosed as PFD and pudendal neuralgia.
I have PN booked this Friday but some have said hypogastric nerve blocks are better.
Then some have said the penis feels even more numb after the blocks.. I don't went to make anything worse.

“We’re a meat family,” my dad would proudly tell strangers. He’d wait for the quizzical look, then launch into detail, starting with how many freezers we had, how long we could sustain ourselves on the contents. It was just his way of starting a conversation, which made sense when you considered that raising and home-killing animals for food was, for want of a better term, his life-long hobby. His prize possession was one of those industrial-sized vacuum sealers: you could put half a pig inside and wrap it in plastic so tightly that every wrinkle and skin fold waxed unreal with shiny detail.
If we hadn’t lived in a rural area, albeit semi-urbanised, I guess it would have been pretty weird. But the mostly farming-stock locals only found his extra enthusiasm a little bit odd.
When he wasn’t being a bit embarrassing talking about it, I never really paid much heed to his hobby. I had a child’s vaguely grateful awareness that though our family went through some lean financial times, our stomachs never suffered like some of the families around us. All the beef, pork, ham and bacon in those big old chest freezers passed down from his dad really could have fed us for years.
I should preface all this by saying that I wasn’t a particularly bright kid, though neither was I dumb. I didn’t fail badly at anything in school, I just never achieved beyond a pass. I didn’t know it yet back then, still quietly dreaming about being a ballet star or a dressage champion, but mediocrity was my destiny. And I think that’s why I got on so well with my Aunt Liz.
Liz was my dad’s live-in youngest sister. She was one of those women who get described as ‘bubbly’ — not really pretty, not really smart, not a lot going on besides just being… well, all Liz. But she was salt of the earth; kind, caring, and great with kids. She was the only person who would willingly mind my two older brothers, who fought like hellcats and caused more trouble than the whole last generation of my family combined. People would privately lament to my parents that it was a shame Liz didn’t have kids of her own, but dad would just shake his head and say Liz liked it that way – that all the fun of looking after kids is being able to give them back to their parents.
I guess she was like me; nice, but mediocre. Lovely, but somehow forgettable when she wasn’t doing something for you.
But when Liz left us, I couldn’t forget her.
In hindsight, it was pretty weird timing that we had a big fortieth birthday party for Liz right before she disappeared. She was radiant that night; she’d hired a local girl to do her hair and makeup, and it was honestly the first time I’d ever seen her look pretty. She’d even worn a push-up bra under a tight red dress, which flattered her very plump curves well enough that the neighbour’s farmhand was spotted disappearing into the woolshed with her for a snog. In my dawning awareness, that gave a plain girl hope: if Aunty Liz could get a guy at forty, maybe things would turn out okay for me.
Anyway, I couldn’t forget how her pink cheeks, her eyes, her whole self, glowed that night before Liz went to bed. She said it was the best birthday ever, and that she was very much looking forward to the next stage of her life.
Would I have done anything different, if I had known? If I had realised what, exactly, that next stage was?
The week after the party, Aunt Liz said she was going on a little holiday up north, to visit some old school friends. She packed her things – she didn’t honestly have that many – and drove her little orange mini out onto the main road. And with a wave of one fleshy hand, she was gone. Nobody really thought much of it when she didn’t call, because nobody rural had cellphones back then. And Liz was, as I said, somehow kinda forgettable when she wasn’t right in front of you.
When we hadn’t had contact for six weeks, Dad tracked down the land line numbers for their old school buddies. They were surprised to hear from him — Liz had never arrived, so they had just assumed she’d cancelled her visit. No-one had thought to check. I eavesdropped on the conversation, and it sounded for all the world like *they* had forgotten about Aunt Liz, too.
From there it became a missing person case. The local cops came and talked to all of us; the farmhand who’d been seen snogging her was briefly detained, then let go, dad got grilled at length, even my hellion brothers were questioned thoroughly to see if this was one of their wild and dangerous pranks gone wrong.
But everything was a dead end. Nobody knew where Liz was, or what had happened to her.
The remains of her old mini were found halfway across the country, burned out on a beach, on a derelict stretch of ragged, rocky coastline. The police assumed murder and combed the area for remains. But even the most expert divers couldn’t conquer the incredible undertow and fast-shifting seabed of that coastline to look for evidence, so none was forthcoming.
Eventually the cops collectively shrugged and said that there was really nothing more they could do unless more information suddenly came to light. The locals knew nothing, no witnesses had come forward, and the trail was cold. As far as anyone knew, poor aunt Liz had been murdered on some desolate beach, far away from her home.
It didn’t feel fair to me. She’d once mentioned wanting her remains buried on our farm, in the graveyard plot beside grandma and grandad.
So, in my grief, I went into her room to look for something of hers to bury beside them.
Like I said, Liz didn’t have many things. Her room was pretty spartan, and her wardrobe was mostly sensible farm stuff. There was one exception: she, like me, did like to read, and she had a pretty good collection of well-thumbed books. I think it’s the escapism – even the most mediocre girl can lose herself in the plot of some trashy romance novel, imagine there’s still hope of being swept off her feet by that handsome stableboy, his inexplicable yearning for chubby plain girls.
So I set myself the task of going through the books, to find the right one to bury in the graveyard plot.
Most of them were exactly what you’d expect, but some of them were racier than I was used to. I felt various parts of my body flushing and tingling, as I read breathless prose about calloused hands touching the softest flesh of the protagonist. Okay, if I’m honest with myself, I might have got a little *too* invested in my project at that point. But that was also why I persisted going through her entire collection, until I found the ragged paperback from 1970, entitled Tawny Sands. And inside that trashy cardboard romance cover, I discovered not the tale of Tawny Sands, but some carefully hand-cut, stitched-in pages. A handwritten story in my Aunt’s rounded penmanship: Memoirs of a Long Pig.
I read her story twice in a row, utterly gripped.
Aunt Liz was no Stephen King – heck, she wasn’t even the Goosebumps guy – but her story was gripping and compelling, and I couldn’t put it down. Even if I hadn’t known her, I think that would have been true.
The gist of it was that Liz, when she was sixteen, had discovered that our family had a very long history of eating what she described as ‘Long Pork’. It’s an antipodean term, anglicised from the Pacific Islands: human meat.
Like me, young Liz still had some hopes and dreams. In one of her many failed attempts to find a special talent, she’d taken up cooking as a hobby. Naturally, with our family’s overabundance of meat, she’d scoured the freezers in the shed for ingredients: the racks of ribs and stacks of pork chops, butcher-paper wrappings all neatly labelled with the first letter of the name of the animal they came from.
She found familiar meat from Rodney, one of the pigs that had been recently slaughtered, emblazoned with an ‘R’ in her father’s strong, blocky lettering. There were cutlets labelled ‘M’ for Mary, from one of the lambs she’d hand-reared, and ‘F’ for Ferdinand, the steer they’d killed the month before. But she couldn’t explain the many, many curious parcels of meat on one side of the huge freezer, all labelled ‘J’ – at least, not until she took it all out and assembled it as well as she could on the scoured concrete floor of the killing shed. A big, frozen jigsaw puzzle without the box, her best attempt to discover what kind of beast the pieces had come from.
The animal, she quickly realised, was a Long Pig. Her own Aunt Jenny, who had died the month before – just after her fortieth birthday.
Fortunately, or perhaps not, for Liz, her father entered the shed right at that moment and realised his daughter had discovered the family secret. He sat down calmly on the lid of the freezer, and explained to her that this was a long-running family tradition, dating back to at least before his grandfather had been born.
“There are always people in life, Liz,” he’d said, “who won’t really amount to much. They want to be useful, want to be more. They strive and they strive, trying job after job, hobby after hobby, trying to hit on something they’re really good at. Something that makes them special. Those people can waste their whole lives, chasing dreams that never come true. Eventually they die unfulfilled, knowing that all their time has been wasted. That what they leave behind will fade quickly.”
His voice was oddly gentle as he leaned down and patted one of the neatly wrapped cuts of Aunt Jenny, still sitting frozen on the shed floor.
“Your Aunt Jenny was one of those people. So was my Aunt Irene.” He paused to gaze at his daughter, his next words peppered with emphasis. “But you see, my sweet Liz, they did find a purpose in life. They did find a way to be special, and they left this world utterly certain of their gift.” He stood up, stretched his back. “Let me show you.”
Liz waited while my grandad meticulously stacked the meat back into the freezer, all but one J-marked parcel that looked for all the world like a thick venison steak. He took her back to the farmhouse, and reverently unwrapped the deep red, heavily marbled meat to let it thaw. Then he laid it in the family’s ancient, cast-iron pan, basting it with butter and rosemary until a heavenly scent filled the kitchen, and Aunt Liz couldn’t stop her mouth from watering.
“Just try it. Let her show you. You’ll see exactly what I’m talking about.”
Even though she knew it was her aunt, Liz couldn’t stop herself from taking that first bite. There was something transcendent about the smell, overriding her natural revulsion that this was human meat, not one of their farm animals. For the first time, she truly realised it: we’re just another kind of animal. And weren’t her memories of Mary the lamb almost as fond as her memories of Aunt Jenny?
Liz explained then, in her curly handwriting, the explosion of taste that had assaulted her when she tried the steak. It was tender, it was succulent, it was rich beyond imagining. The fats melted on her tongue, lingering somewhere between pork and beef, but oddly neither. The flavour of the meat defied identification; something familiar, yet not.
But one thing she couldn’t deny; it was the most delicious thing she had ever eaten. Tears dripped onto her plate, mingled with the juice, the grease — not grief, but a pure, real, giddy delight.
“You’re tasting your aunt’s love for this family,” my grandad explained. “Her entire life was carefully curated, to eventually make unforgettable moments for us, just like this. This was her way of being special. This was the greatest gift she could possibly bring to our world – and because she realised that, she died with not a single regret. She knew her life had purpose. She was perfectly, completely fulfilled.”
I felt those words. I felt them lodge in my own belly, settling uncomfortably deep. I knew Aunt Liz, probably better than anyone else in the family. I’d seen how fucking happy she’d been on her fortieth, how goddamn fulfilled she was, despite apparently being a *nobody* and achieving *nothing*. Somehow, in the space of a single day, she had gone from being a forgettable background character to becoming the *main character*, immortalising herself in our family’s history with her sacrifice. Quite literally becoming part of all of us, forever.
I went to the killing shed after I finished with the book. I looked inside the freezers.
But there were no vacuum-sealed packages labelled ‘L’, no matter how deep I dug into the frozen stacks of plastic-wrapped flesh. Panicked now, not sure if I wanted to connect all the dots or unconnect them, I tried to think back over the last few months, recall any meals that had been unusually good. A few Sundays ago, we’d had a stew that really hit the spot and left me craving more. And I realised that the family had a really good night that night; my brothers behaved themselves, my parents didn’t fight, and grandma and grandad had been there. Hadn’t they looked far more… expectant than they should have?
I strained my brain, trying to recall if I’d seen the homekill bag on the kitchen bench – if I’d registered what letter it was. I knew it wasn’t an L. I would have remembered if it was an L.
And then it hit me, the memory, the connection, sizzling as if branded with a hot iron.
It had been an ‘E’.
E for Elizabeth. Not for Edward the pig.
I snorted at my own stupidity – of *course* Liz was short for Elizabeth – and as I comprehended my lack of smarts, I felt something give inside me.
I wasn’t clever, and nothing, nothing would ever make me smart. I had no big talents. I wasn’t beautiful, or even cute – and even if I had a million plastic surgeries, it still wouldn’t fulfill me. It wouldn’t be real.
I was a Liz.
I was a Jenny.
I was whoever the first aunt had been, the aunt who had dedicated her life to making her flesh as delicious as possible, who had worked every damn minute to be the best Long Pig she could ever be.
I wondered how many magical family evenings had been spent eating Aunt Jenny. How many glorious, satisfying, memorable dishes had been made out of her.
And… I wanted that. I wanted to finally know I had a *purpose* in life. One so simple, and so easy to achieve.
I wanted what Aunt Liz had.
***
It's my fortieth birthday today and I’m so fucking excited. For the last twenty-four years, I’ve dedicated myself to this moment; I’ve eaten exactly what I needed to, I’ve exercised just enough, but not too much, to maintain that perfect balance of marbling vs tenderness. I’ve relaxed and meditated to keep all those amazing flavours inside of me. I’ve researched all the greatest meats in the world, from prime Angus beef to A5 Wagyu. I really think I may have outdone myself.
I’m having my hair and makeup done at the local salon this afternoon, and I’m going to look so pretty; all prize piggy on show at the fair. I’m even going to have a big red ribbon in my hair, in memory of Aunt Liz.
Maybe there’ll be a cute boy I can snog in the wool shed, maybe there won’t – I don’t really care; because the most important, most certain thing is that I’m going to be the most delicious Long Pig in the history of our entire family.
I’m going to make everyone so damn happy, and I’m just so glad I can share my story with you all, instead of hiding it in a grubby book like poor Aunt Liz.
My only real disappointment? That you won’t get to taste me.
Reader, I have loved, loved my life. My Long Pork will be out of this world: once tasted, never, ever forgotten.

Synopsis:
An engineer in another world—blending science and magic to achieve greatness in a world where skills and levels reign supreme.
—
Ethan was just a plain old engineer, but everything changed when he was reborn into a world of skills, levels, and magic. With his advanced knowledge far ahead of the time period he finds himself in, this new reincarnated life will be much different than his last, especially because he can construct, deconstruct, and reconstruct runes—something no one else can do.
But with royal politics, looming tax collectors, a mountain of debt, dungeon incursions, cults, and hostile fantasy races mixing together into a cocktail of bullshit that threatens to bury his dreams; Ethan must bridge the gap between steel and sorcery to grow stronger. — Runecrafting is slow burn. — What to Expect: - Weak to very strong progression - Hardcore wish fulfillment - A balance of action, kingdom building, and runecrafting. - MC will trigger an industrial revolution, revolutionize magic, modernize agriculture, communication, commerce, textile production, education, transportation, sanitation, weapons manufacturing, leisure & entertainment, and medicine.
Next >

Chapter 01

-1-
Ethan’s fists pounded the punching bag, sending a rapid series of jabs that landed with resounding thumps, each strike punctuated by ragged breaths. Sweat dripped from his brow, stinging his eyes, but he refused to stop, refused to surrender to the burning in his muscles or the rawness of his knuckles. He remained focused on punching.
Around him, the rest of the boxing team rested, even the coach looked like he needed a breather. But Ethan couldn’t afford to slow down—not with the first round of eliminations looming.
More, Ethan thought, his muscles burning as he threw another combination of jabs and cross punches. More, more, more.
Boxing had never been his choice; it was a path forced upon him by a father with unfulfilled dreams. Yet somewhere along the way, the thrill of the fight had ignited a fire within Ethan—a primal need to test the boundaries of his endurance, to feel alive in a way no textbook could provide.
But now his father lay dying in a hospital bed, and Ethan was exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. His muscles burned and his knuckles were raw. But he couldn’t stop.
“Oy, mate, you should take a break.”
Jacob’s voice cut through Ethan’s reverie, and he turned to face his friend, chest heaving. “I can keep going. I’m fine.”
Jacob shook his head, concern etched across his features. “You’re going to end up hurting yourself. Listen, I know you’re worried about the eliminations and your dad, but you’ve got this. You’ll be fine. You’ve trained so hard. Harder than any of us, mate.” Jacob placed a hand on Ethan’s shoulder. “Don’t beat yourself up.”
“It’s not enough,” Ethan stepped away from the punching bag. “Not yet.”
“What do you mean? You’ve improved a ton since you first started, and you’ve gotten to this level faster than anyone else. There’s no way you’re getting cut from the team.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Nothing,” Ethan said, sighing as he ran a hand through his sweat-soaked hair.
“Listen, man,” Jacob said, giving him a sympathetic smile. “I get that you’re nervous. It’s normal, okay? But I’ve seen you out there. You’re good. Really good. If anything, the rest of us are the ones who should be worried—”
Before Jacob could continue, Ethan’s phone rang, the sound loud in the otherwise silent gym.
Looking at his phone made him frown and excuse himself. The caller ID was a familiar one. With his phone pressed against his ears, he walked down the corridor, leaving the other members of the boxing team behind.
“Hello?” Ethan said into the phone.
Then, his world tilted on his axis.
-2-
Ethan hated funerals.
It was a strange thing to say, and yet, there he was, thinking that exact same thing as he stood at the side, watching as a small crowd gathered around. The smell of freshly turned earth was thick in the air, along with a heavy dose of sorrow and grief. Or maybe that was his imagination; after all, most were likely putting on a show. A wake that lasted all of ten minutes. A quick eulogy. The final plop of dirt onto the polished wood coffin. Then they were gone. Just like that, they were gone.
His father’s funeral was over just like that.
Ethan waited a while longer after all the mourners had dispersed, then finally turned to look at his mother. His mother sat slumped in the front pew of the church; her gaze fixed on the ground. He sat beside his mother silently. She looked older today, like all the fight and life had just seeped from her body. They didn’t speak a word for the longest while, but finally, his mother broke the silence.
“Do you blame me?”
“No,” he said automatically.
You do, a small voice said in the back of his head. Because maybe, if they hadn’t sent him away, he could’ve pursued his dreams...
“Thank you,” his mother said, the relief in her eyes far too apparent. She wrapped her arms around herself. Her hands trembled. She swallowed audibly before she continued. “I was such a stupid little girl when we married. I had no choice but to leave for Dubai because...”
“You don’t need to explain anything.” Ethan looked down at his knuckles. “I understand.”
“He always blamed himself,” she said suddenly, and Ethan frowned. “For not just letting you into civil engineering. For pressuring you into, well, violence.”
Ethan smiled wryly, staring up at the empty rafters overhead.
Such violence, Ethan, a voice whispered into his ears. Focus on your studies, not on hurting people. You’ll have a bright future, I’m sure of it.
Ethan sighed as he felt the memory rise unbidden in his mind. It wasn’t the first time his mother had spoken to him like that, and it wouldn’t be the last.
You can’t always rely on your fists, she would say. Sometimes, words are all you need. They can change lives, even save lives. They can be the difference between a happy life and a miserable one. Remember that.
Yeah, well, she failed to see it wasn’t hurting people he was after, but pushing himself beyond his limits. To prove to himself that he could. To feel the limits of his body, and surpass them.
To feel alive.
“Your father wanted the best for you,” she said.
“It doesn’t matter anymore.” Ethan gave his mother a sad smile. He talked with his mother a little bit after, but eventually, he excused himself.
She hugged him before he left. A tight, almost desperate squeeze that seemed to drag out for longer than it really did. Ethan wasn’t entirely sure how to respond and wasn’t able to think of anything better than giving her a couple of awkward pats on the back.
Then, when somewhere nice, he lit a cigarette. Stupid, useless, and unhealthy, but he had to do something to let off steam or his entire body was going to burst apart like a firecracker.
When it was nearly time for the cigarette to burn itself out, he suddenly got engulfed in bright light. He didn’t think, nor could he; it was just way too fast.
The last thought he had was something along the lines of ‘the fuck?’ before he crashed face-first into space-time itself.
-3-
Ethan slammed his head against the plush velvet pillow, groaning. Post-reincarnation—transmigration?—headaches were a real pain, especially when you woke up in the body of a drunken wastrel named Theodore Lockheart, the most indebted, despised, fucked up noble in the entire bordertowns—lands that were on the border of the world of the living; lands that were under the constant threat of the dead.
He was tired, irritable, and he had a headache so annoying it was almost as if his skull was split open. Not to mention, his nose was throbbing in pain from what he could only guess had been a one-sided beatdown.
Had the Baron gotten beaten to a pulp somehow?
It was possible, after all, Ethan did remember snippets of Theodore’s recent memories—nothing more than that, though. Theodore tended to suit up as a rich merchant. And he’d likely gone to the bar after losing his fortune earlier in the night, and then had likely fucked a wench or two, vented on the poor women, gotten punched and kicked out.
Groaning, Ethan peeled himself out of bed and forced himself to move. He had things he wanted to do today, like sit somewhere nice and contemplate the meaning of existence—or smoke cigarettes. But sadly, he had none, and he despised alcohol.
Strange, Theodore—no, Ethan, thought. Why do I so easily believe in all this? And why am I so easily accepting that I’m this bastard now?
Though the question was there, Ethan found that it didn’t bring up any emotions. It was like an empty sentence in his thoughts, with nothing behind it.
Ding! System Initiating…
Consciousness transferred...
Subject: Ethan
Social integration protocols activated.
Linguistic database uploaded. Communication in all known languages will be facilitated.
Confirmation: Subject has all their memories upon induction. Check.
Disclaimer: This is not a dream simulation. This is a permanent transfer. Subject has been induced to fully believe this reality, but nothing else inside the subject has been altered.
Confirmation: Memories and core identity remain unaltered.
Warning: The subject will perceive everything as real.
Directive: Enjoy the New World. Second chance protocols initiated.
The System has awoken within you. [Nur] is a world unimaginable power awaits. You, Ethan, have the chance to become extraordinary.
A [Quest] approaches!
Congratulations! You have unlocked the skill: [Magic Sensitivity]!
Congratulations! You have unlocked the skill: [Magic Perception]!
Congratulations! You have unlocked the skill: [Myriad Tongue]!
Ding! Please brace for loss of consciousness!
“What in the god-fucking-damned hell—?” Ethan muttered, then fell unconscious. When Ethan woke up again, a screen flashed in front of him.
Please select your preferred Class...
The screen, Ethan found, didn’t elicit any reaction out of him. It wasn’t shocking, nor unbelievable, it was just as if it was a universal truth he’d come to believe since childhood. Like a phone’s existence, or the internet, perhaps. The fact that he thought that way made him sigh. He just hoped anything else inside him hadn’t been changed.
Ethan looked through the page that appeared in front of him.
[Warrior (Common)]
Function: Frontline combatant
Prerequisite: None
Description: A Common-Ranked Class. Grants basic proficiency with all melee weapon types (sword, spear, ax, etc.)
Specialization Paths: Available after further training and/or meeting certain requirements: [Barbarian], [Knight], [Paladin], [Cavalryman], [Mercenary] (and more)
[Archer (Common)]
Function: Ranged Damage Dealer
Prerequisite: None
Description: Basic proficiency with bows and arrows.
Specialization Paths:
Adjacent: Unlockable after further training: [Thief], [Assassin] (and more)
Advanced: Upon reaching specific requirements: [Spirit Archer], [Magic Archer] (and more)
[Mage (Common)]
Function: Ranged Magic User
Prerequisite: None
Description: Basic application of magical abilities.
Specialization Paths: Unlockable after further study: [Warlock], [Alchemist], [Summoner] (and more)
[Healer (Common)]
Function: Support - Restoration and Enhancement
Prerequisite: A [Faith].
Description: Devoted healer, blessed with divine magic, requires [Faith] in a deity. A healer’s heart heals the spirit of ailing beings, providing great spiritual buffs. Can heal wounds and ailments of allies. Can enhance allied attributes and resistances.
Specialization Paths: Unlockable after advanced training (may vary by race or deity): [Temple Priest], [Battle Medic], [Nature Mender] (and more)
After looking through the available Classes, it didn’t take long for Ethan to immediately dismiss both the [Healer] and [Warrior]. [Healer] would be too weak unless he got to its Specialization Paths—not to mention he’d need to have faith in some god, which he did not—and [Warrior] meant he’d need to be close range all the time. Ethan didn’t like risk, thus that idea went to waste as fast as a blade through butter. That left him with two options, and a more or less clear idea of which choice to make.
[Archer] was dismissed for the sole reason that it didn’t appeal to him much, although he was indeed curious as to why it had [Thief] and [Assassin] as its Adjacent Specialization Paths. Regardless, there was only one choice left: Mage—something he’d have chosen anyway given that the system had given him [Magic Sensitivity] and [Magic Perception], although he’d yet to test those skills out. They seemed passive anyway.
Ethan selected his chosen Class.
Congratulations! You are now an [Unranked Mage].
You are capable of casting minor, beginner-level magics.
You can use magical implements and perform incantations with limited versatility.
Congratulations! You have gained skill: [Basic Magic Script]!
Congratulations! You have gained skill: [Elemental Spells]!
Due to your [Magic Perception] and [Magic Sensitivity], the effectiveness of magical spells and skills are now increased by 10%!
“That’s it?” Ethan blinked. “I would’ve expected, I don’t know, for my entire body to feel on fire, or something.”
Not that he ever had that happen in his life. Fiction really put false expectations into his mind.
Theodore Lockheart
[Race: Human]⨽[Rank: G]⨽[Level: 0]
[Class: Mage]⨽[Rank: Unranked]⨽[Level: 0]
[Skills]: Basic Magic Script (Lvl. 1), Elemental Spells (Lvl. 1), Magic Sensitivity (Lvl. 1), Magic Perception (Lvl. 1), Myriad Tongue (Lvl. 1)
[Titles: None]
Ethan sifted through the skills to better understand what he could do now.
Basic Magic Script – Level 1
Type: Passive
Effect: This skill allows you to understand and write basic magical notation of the world. Connection Effect: [Basic Magic Script] has established a Connection with one of your existing skills [Magic Perception], essentially giving you the ability to not only comprehend simple spells but also create the runes required to cast them. However, complex and advanced theories will likely be beyond your grasp at this level.
Elemental Spells – Level 1
Type: Active
Effect: You can cast basic elemental spells. At this level, your spells are limited in power and complexity.
Magic Sensitivity – Level 1
Type: Passive
Effect: You possess a heightened awareness of magical energies in your immediate surroundings. You can feel faint tingles or experience subtle temperature changes when magic is being used nearby. This ability helps you identify areas with magical activity or sense the presence of magic. However, pinpointing the exact source or nature of the magic might be difficult at this level.
Magic Perception – Level 1
Type: Passive
Effect: You can see the underlying runes whenever a spell is cast in front of you. However, deciphering complex spells to view their runes will likely be blurry or misleading at this level. Connection Effect: [Magic Perception] has established a Connection with one of your existing skills, [Basic Magic Script], essentially giving you the ability to not only comprehend simple spells but also create the runes required to cast them. However, complex and advanced theories will likely be beyond your grasp at this level.
Myriad Tongue – Level 1
Type: Passive
Effect: You can understand and speak all the languages of this world. This skill allows you to communicate with most of the species you encounter. Complex conversations will likely require further development of this skill. Connection Effect: [Myriad Tongue] has established a Connection with [Basic Magic Script], essentially giving you an inherent understanding of the runic language of magic.
Holy... So, this world’s really like a game, huh? There are no stats, though. Why? Ethan rubbed his chin. The skills were nice. Ethan was excited to test his skills out when someone knocked once on the door and entered. “My lord,” said the man Ethan quickly recognized as one of his advisors, Cedric, “I’ve received notice that the duke’s men have begun their journey from the Capital.” He bowed. “They’re coming to collect tax.”
Saying so, Cedric left Ethan to ponder.
Tax? What?
In this world of swords and spells, tax consisted of the rarest of monster parts and materials. Priceless Relics were found in the Deadlands just out the border—lands that were full of dangers of the highest caliber, along with endless rewards. And because these materials and items were all of a higher value, not paying tax could easily put a small town like this into debt, unless the town managed to somehow attract a wealthy and profitable industry or find themselves a noble willing to spend his coin to help their people.
Such a noble couldn’t be Theo, clearly. After all, he was just a run-of-the-mill spoiled brat from a prominent aristocratic family—the typical wastrel born lucky into money and power without ever needing to work a single day in his entire life.
Regardless, the tax was Ethan’s issue now, and he wasn’t ready to deal with it given that Theo already had quite a debt in the first place.
Ethan’s eyes deadened.
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Since around 2/14/24 I started with what I thought was a UTI. Urgency and frequency to urinate, coupled with that stinging tingling effect you get in the urethra. I did not have a UTI but my pain continued to persist and compound each day. When I wake up in the morning I barely have any pain but the more I move the more pain I get. The worst is in the car sitting in the low frequency vibration is a nightmare.
It feels like the most uncomfortable itching/tingling/pinching/burning almost of a sensitive internal area. Which then leads to and adds to the pain. It builds up throughout the day and eventually hits a ceiling where it just feels the pain/stinging/tingle radiating throughout my body. My feet, legs, chest, arms, chin. Nothing is off limits.
I have taken every test and lab since February, including: x-ray, MRI with contrast, cystoscopy, CT scan, ultrasound and all sorts of labs. I am healthy. I’ve seen multiple doctors from multiple practices to get second opinions. And they all lead to I’m healthy, not stone obstruction, no issue with the bladder etc.
I should mention I’ve had frequent kidney stones. The last situation was July 2023 and it was the first time I had to get surgery - a ureteroscopy and stent.
However, I am left with a pelvic floor doctor and pelvic floor physical therapist. I have seen the pelvic floor physical therapist eight times now. And very little of the exercises and breathing techniques work to dissipate my pain. We have narrowed the area down to pain in the muscles and tissues in and surrounding my urethra and bladder. They say it’s due to a tight pelvic floor muscles and pain memory in the tissue from my many kidney stones.
The pelvic floor doctor put me on a very high dose of gabapentin. It dulled my pain and my life. I got super tired and moody. So I just switched to Lyrica a few days ago.
I do not believe my pain is due to a tight pelvic floor for two reasons: 1) the pelvic floor PT did a connective tissue massage on my left flank that truly disrupted and irritated what I think is my ureter. It felt like internal bruising. After that pain flare for 2 days, then the bladder pain ignited. And 2) I have baclofen vaginal suppositories and this crap is not working. if I had a tight muscle wouldn’t my muscle relaxer suppository is supposed to help relax a tight muscle? It doesn’t make sense.
Anyway, sorry for the long note. I’m just frustrated and questioning everything I feel like I have the top of top doctors and I’m very lucky for that but I just have a hard time believing this is a tight pelvic floor thing. I think it’s more of kidney, bladder, or urethra situation. I started questioning the doctors and they just told me to take a break for a few weeks. I bought into the pelvic floor thing for about 2 1/2 months and I’m not any better than I was before I started. Any thoughts or suggestions that anyone has I would love to hear.
I should also add that I’m a 37-year-old female. With no pregnancies or trauma to the area. The only surgery I had was the ureteroscopy last summer.

Hello all,
I’ll try to keep this as short as possible.
I have POTS and hEDS as well. I began with POTS in March 2020 after a couple month long sinus infection. I’m currently working with a really good POTS doctor recommended by Dysautonomia International as my previous POTS doctor was not helpful. He believes I have MCAS as well, but I was curious to get those opinions of who do have it. Here are my symptoms:

• I have constant burning in my chest, chest tightness, and sore throat. On and off symptoms include throat tightness, itching, mucus in throat, and flushed face and feeling hot. For years my doctors thought this was GERD or reflux, but after years of PPIs and an endoscopy with BRAVO it revealed no acid reflux. My doctors also thought I had hypersensitive nerves in my stomach. I’ve taken both lexapro and amitriptyline which are suppose to help but don’t. I’ve also had an abdominal ultrasound to check for MALS which came back clear.
  
• Most foods make all the previously listed symptoms much worse. I’m down to only 11 foods and even those cause issues everyday. I have taken food allergy and sensitives tests which show nothing.
  
• Some foods only sometimes cause issues, and other times are fine. A couple examples… I have eaten watermelon before and been fine but sometimes eating it it would make my face flushed. Gluten is similar: Sometimes fine, other times it makes my lips tingle and swell (I am not celiac). Hundreds of foods give me this reaction.
  
• Medications can cause weird reactions. I recently took B2 vitamins for three days which have sent my body into a huge flare. Even 6 weeks later I am severely constipated and my chest burns worse.
  
• I have absorption problems. PPIs made this worse but i became so anemic I had to get iron infusions.
  
• H2 blockers did not help and made some of the burning worse. I thought maybe all these symptoms were from low stomach acid. I tried taking HCL for two days which made me gassy and have me intestinal pain.
  
• I don’t get any rashes or anaphylaxis. I am very sensitive to makeup though and I have eczema.
  

I’m curious if those here with MCAS have similar symptoms? I guess the only thing that makes me wonder if I do have it is I never have rashes or anaphylaxis. I did think it was a histamine issue for awhile but many foods that people have no issues with I seem to have problems with (mostly oils).
Any advice or comments would be much appreciated
Thank you!

[ First / Previous ]
Memory Transcript Subject: Vili, Venlil Citizen
Date [standardized human time]: December 1st, 2136
The absent adults were due to arrive any time by now. I navigated the crowd of children who milled about the field, taking a head count to ensure everyone was in sight.
Those who had family attending the excursion were bubbling with excitement to see their relatives while a couple others trailed behind me, asking me yet more banal questions about venlil society and how it feels to have fur and a tail.
“I’ll let you in on a secret,” I had told April once. “It’s really, really… itchy. Have you ever had a bug crawling on you? Feels just like that. All the time.”
Chihiro didn’t approve as much of me saying that but Mercy seemed to enjoy the reaction I managed to get from the other kids. While I felt bad for exploiting the apparent human fear of insects, they were quick to forgive me, citing they “couldn't stay mad at a face like mine.”
Truthfully, I too began to enjoy seeing the children react to the things I'd tell them; the genuine nature in everything they did was more than I'd have expected from humans when I first arrived. Some of them would watch me with curiosity and wonder as we spoke, reminding me that this was a species who had only just been introduced onto the galactic stage and still had cause to gawk at the aliens.
Well, most of them.
Toward the edge of the gaggle of children was Lukas, moping away while trying to hide the black eye Amber had given him. A part of me was - flattered - disappointed that she'd risk herself to enact retaliation on my behalf, but I knew she wouldn't understand me were I to even tell her off about it.
Over the last few weeks, I'd gotten to know many of the children, though Lukas remained as distant as ever. In a way, I felt pity to see him so small even after witnessing the pleasure he got from putting others down and how infuriating I found his antics. He was full of anger and clearly had it misdirected at all non-humans for the actions of those who participated in the extermination fleet - at least he has reason.
I brushed at my ear to ward off the tingling sensation and let out an irritated growl. My hackles raised when I heard a sympathetic growl come from behind.
Turning about, I found that the source was Amber, also swiping at her ear in a mimicry of my action. I was far less bothered by her giddy snarl after having her do it every time she approached me, though it didn't make the itch at my back from almost jumping in fear go away.
“You do that a lot,” Amber giggled. “Is your ear itchy? Wait, don't answer that because I won't understand it.”
My ears whirled about and I tilted my head slightly to look directly at the strange little girl who'd been so eager to make friends with me from the very beginning. I'd accepted that, at least in her eyes, I was “Luka” and that I existed for her to talk to endlessly about her favorite hobbies despite her knowing she wouldn't understand anything I said in response.
Even then, I was still rather worried that I'd been so frequent with admonishing the more - sensible - pushy one that Amber had taken note. How many others could have noticed? I wasn't even sure how humans viewed me, but it wouldn't matter so much now that I was getting ready to return home to Luka.
I took a seat on the grass and found myself surrounded by a small following of kids that did the same. Amber, too, took a seat, but directly on my lap instead. I grunted as the surprisingly heavy child settled and I brought her head upon my scruff, allowing her to play with my paw.
“You only have three fingers and a thumb. That's pretty weird.”
“And you only have hair on the top of your head, that’s pretty weird too.”
“I’ll assume you were giving me a compliment…”
The other of the kids understood me and giggled at the back and forth as Amber raked a nail under my claws. While I was certain they were clean, Amber's scrutinizing stare felt as if I was being judged by my mother again.
“Your nails feel like a dog's. Maybe not as sharp.”
My translator interpreted that word as a “domesticated Terran predator” and I flicked my tail in indignation. I'd tried to shut out those who claimed I had traits akin to Earth fauna, though the accusations kept coming regardless.
From what I'd gathered, they believed my fur resembled that of a “sheep”, my tail and paws resembled a “cat”, and my ears were that of a “bunny”; now, I could add claws of a “dog” to that list. I had to keep reminding myself these humans didn't grow up knowing any other metric than that of the creatures from their home planet.
I knew the Terran Richard would return in the group that was due to arrive - Ma had made a point to inform me of such. The mention of the human's name spoiled my mood each time he was mentioned, and yet the Blackfox women continued to speak of him as though he was the most harmless thing.
I was not over the way he seemed to look down on my brother as an obedient servant, laying hands on him as though he were a dumb animal rather than a person. Luka had been the pillar that held me up since we were barely able to walk and talk, and it burned me up inside to see him crave the validation of predators when I knew he didn’t need it.
Amber, seemingly bored with one paw, grabbed the other as I let my arm remain limp. At first, I felt only the tickle as she played at the knuckles on this one as well, but there was a pause as she turned it over to face the palm outwards.
“Where'd you get this?”
I looked at my own palm and felt my heart skip a beat as Amber's claw pointed directly at the cut in my paw. I'd thought she had noticed it before, but the fact she'd call attention to it now when I was surrounded by the other children made a chill run up my back. I was still uncertain if bloodlust was a learned trait, and so being surrounded by juvenile predators at a moment like this did not sit well with me.
Trying to retract my paw, a lump raised in my throat as the human child’s grip hardened on my wrist. The other children watched with curiosity and neither of my assistants nor Martha were around to call for advice. I was to settle this on my own.
I asked with a shaky tone, “Amber?”
She rolled her head back until the tip of my snout brushed against her forehead. I got to look into the depths of her arboreal eyes, letting me see every red-blooded vein, every muscle twitch, every flash as they glistened in the red sun's light while the predator gave me her full, undivided attention. She even offered me her usual flash of the teeth. “Yeah?”
“Pah… Per… Pwers?”
I wiggled my arm in an attempt to indicate what I was asking to have released.
“Hold on, I'll let go in a sec.”
She understood me this time, but I sighed as she promptly ignored my request. She once again played with my claws, twisting them back and forth gently as she hummed to herself.
“Looks like it was made by your claws,” she concluded while continuing to toy with them. “This is why my momma always had us trim Butterscotch's claws, because she kept scratching me up when we played.”
The name once again tripped up my translator, describing it as a candy made from melted sugar and congealed milk fat. I tried to suppress the bile that built in my throat as I considered that worse than the item's description was the fact that she'd named an animal which had a reputation for scratching her after it.
Please, please don't throw away everything we'd built in this one moment.
“I miss Butterscotch,” she muttered. “But now I have new friends! Alien-friends!”
She rolled her head back again and looked back up at me.
“Like you! We're friends, right Luka?”
Her eyes shone with bright innocence and juvenile glee, making my fears melt away.
“Ie-e… I’ezz, frn'dz,” I confirmed. Apparently, my vocals didn't lend themselves to speaking Amber's tongue any better than hers did mine. Every word I spoke felt as though I needed to clear my throat after.
“Cool!”
With that conclusion, the dark-haired girl snapped back to my arm and pressed her lips to the back of my paw. I went slack as she did so and it felt as though all of my muscles had lost their function at once as I sat motionless and silent. I could see and hear the world around me and yet it didn't register that anything existed.
I felt her face lift from my flesh and Amber proclaimed proudly, “Momma did that every time I got bruised up and told me it helped with healing! So maybe you'll get better too!”
“Ah-hah,” was the only response I could manage, made on impulse as the rest of my brain felt a million light years away.
“Alright, everyone,” a voice called from behind us. “They're here, so clear out so they have somewhere to park!”
There was a commotion as the children all scrambled to their feet, including Amber, and they rushed with zealous squeals back toward the body of the camp. But not me.
My jaw remained slack as I stared at the back of my paw, focusing on the wet spot imprinted in my fur. It was a bite of sorts, described exactly as Tac had told me, and yet not a mark was left on my flesh save for the tingling of nerves as I seized up.
My back hit the grass and I let my tail curl around my leg as I held my paw to the sky. “Wuh…”
Something approached and kicked up the grass as I laid still and glared at my decidedly unharmed paw. My eyes traveled up to find Mercy standing over me with the corners of her mouth turned downwards.
“You good?”
“Why did you bite Tac?”
“Lord help us all,” she mumbled while rolling her eyes. “C'mon, let's get you outta here before you’re turned into ven-paté under some truck.”
“Uh huh.”
The elder teen’s grip helped me to my feet as I regained faculties, though I still felt weak. “It was a legitimate question, though,” I told her.
“It's just a sign of affection, I guess. I never really considered it so much before, y’know? It's not like you really think about why everything is when it's so normal, right?”
Speak for yourself, I wanted to tell her, though I held my tongue.
As I took a seat, the thrumming of engines could be heard coming from over the brow of the hill. Apparating as though it were a giant, segmented insect were the adult humans in their ramshackle vehicles, rattling down the hill with each occupied by at least five or six bodies in each of the dozen autos.
The children and elders alike rushed to greet their family as they parked and disembarked from the chain of gas guzzlers. Parents lifted their children in the air and hugged them while the elders chatted with them. But among the troupe of humans that had arrived, I knew something felt off.
“They’re one vehicle short,” I noted to Mercy.
“Hm?”
“I counted them when they left. They’re one short.”
Her piercing gaze scanned the fleet herself before she nodded. “Mike’s missing.”
Michael was the driver that Richard had departed with and so that helped explain the deadpan Terran’s absence. Luka and Hileen both recounted the same human by name when talking of their experiences with them, with both drawing the conclusion that he had to be the worst driver on Venlil Prime.
“Psst,” came a voice hissing from behind. “Mercy.”
Mercy turned to give attention to Tac as he sulked away from the crowd as usual, though I remained with my back turned to him while watching the humans interact.
The tip of my tail tickled at the grass watching children get smothered in affection by their parents, and they in turn received hugs from their elders as others chattered. I itched at the back of my palm where Amber's mouth had been as Johnny's parents each planted a similar bite on his cheek and forehead. Chihiro carried her brother on her shoulders as she chatted with her own parents with brimming snarls.
“Looks like Mike had a bit too much fun and ran his truck off the road,” Mercy told me as she came back from talking with Tac. “They're on their way.”
“I can do without seeing Crow.”
“Yeah, well, I could do with a place to practice rock climbing, but we can't always get what we want.”
“You humans really are strange for wanting to climb stuff.”
“It's in our nature, no matter how deeply buried.”
She playfully bumped me on the shoulder and I returned with a gentle lashing of my tail against her ankle to which she welcomed with hissing laughter. The teenager wandered off in the direction of her family's tent.
The crowd that had gathered to greet the returning humans was slowly beginning to disperse as the vehicles were unloaded of a variety of equipment. I was relieved to find that there were no signs of blood or death to be seen, assuaging the deep-seated worry that I had of the humans being on the hunt. As little trust as I had for Crow, there'd be no redeeming one so sordid as himself were he to be everything he was as well as a murderer.
I looked forward to seeing Luka again, even if the only thing he had to tell me was stories of his human coworkers. Perhaps now I had stories of my own experiences with humans to tell him and maybe I'd get to see that glimmer in his eye once again that had so long ago been tarnished.
Amber's delighted shrieks were heard over the commotion and I could spot her being held in the air above her father's head as her toothy snarl became somehow wider. Her legs kicked while she wriggled in the hefty human’s embrace and turned attention to her mother as she was lowered into her grasp.
Even here amongst predators, thoughts of home still hounded me. The closest I could recall mom or dad ever coming to that was when they brought me along to one of their outings for dinner where I was allowed to pick the venue. I was still not permitted to talk to other people even then, but I didn't mind at the time.
The gurgle of another gas-powered engine roared over the brow of the hill, prompting a few others and I to turn our attention upwards.
Breaching the horizon came the last truck, though I was curious to note that it appeared to be driving backwards. Tilting my head didn't give me any more of a vantage to figure out why the truck backed up down the hill, nor did it help decipher the mindless chanting that ramped up as the vehicle closed the distance.
“John Wayne's teeth, hey-a
John Wayne's teeth, hey-a
Are they plastic, are they steel-a”
A claw tapping me on the shoulder spooked me, though I had grown to suppress the instinct to jump and make a fuss. “Momma would like to talk before we send you off,” Mercy told me. “She's in our tent.”
I obeyed the summons, almost forgetting how to navigate the maze of rickety shacks and tents to find the Blackfoxes’ residence. It was a simple task, though, once I remembered that the elder sibling had given it a “groovy” paint job.
Approaching the government-issued yurt that had been painted with vivid flowers, I found it odd for it to not have a horde of humans gathered around. They'd typically mill about Martha's tent while she spoke with each of them about their concerns, though what became of their talks was beyond my knowledge.
I ducked inside without notifying Martha, finding her seated at the squat table that was situated in the middle of the tent. The matriarch turned her eyes up to face me and she happily set her insulated cup down.
“There's not really any room for more chairs,” she told me. “But feel free to take a seat anywhere.”
My ears gently brushed against the top of the tent before I sat down just to the right of where she rested. In this claustrophobic environment, I'd have assumed I was being lured into a trap before. At the very least, I still kept my ears on a swivel for signs of trouble, but now confidence outweighed caution.
We sat for a moment without saying anything as Ma adjusted her seat to look at me directly, leaning an elbow against the table as she reclined.
She asked, “Enjoy your stay?”
I scratched the scruff on my neck as I wondered that myself.
“No. Not at first.”
“But now you can say you did?”
“Everything here is a new experience. For me, and possibly every other person who'd have grown up under the Federation.”
“You pulled through, despite being surrounded by predators. That's more than can be said for the lady who stabbed a guy in panic on the first day of the Exchange Program.”
My ear waggled in entertainment to think someone had set the bar so low. What fool would brazenly assault a predator to begin with?
“There were a few times where I thought I'd need to run for the hills,” I explained. “The children you raise are an unadulterated look into what life was like back on Earth, if nothing else.”
Martha chuckled and covered her snarl with a palm as she spoke, “I will choose to believe that's a compliment, given your opinion on us before.”
“I'd say it's a stellar review in the face of almost drowning while under your employment.”
Her face fell a bit and she rubbed the back of her neck while averting her eyes. “Yeah…”
“That is to say!” I blurted out hastily. “Th-that everything else has made it worth my time.”
My desperation to clarify myself felt embarrassing and my ears turned warm as they went flush. Martha sat still for a moment before she spoke again.
“When Richard hired you, he told me you wanted to up your price. 1200 credits?”
“It's a big ask in hindsight, I know. I didn't realize how tight your budget was at the time and I'm grateful that you've offered me—”
She waved a hand with a shushing hiss.
“We don't need to worry so much about that now. Where I was going with that was, that you agreed to our terms yourself, and accepted with only a reasonable upcharge. No other local would've been so quick to take on this job for even quadruple the price!”
“Brashness is a quality of mine I'm becoming more familiar with,” I joked.
“Must be something in the water. But payment is why I summoned you here, actually. We have only a few members who were on board with having an ‘alien’ presiding over the children, and fewer still who contributed any funds.”
“So what you're offering is out of the pocket of only a couple of contributors. I see.”
“I hope it doesn't lessen your opinion of us to tell you that.”
I scratched my snout and exhaled, shaking free the impulse to inquire any further with a flick of my ear.
“So I suppose all there is left to do is arrange payment, and I'll be on my way?”
“It would seem so.”
Heavy footsteps shuffled across the grass outside though conversation from the crowd remained distant. They stopped right outside of the entrance and the canvas foyer rattled as knuckles rapped against the cloth.
“Martha, it's me,” growled a familiar voice. “Everyone decent?”
“You’re clear, come on in.”
The flap shot open and my paw balled into a fist as Richard froze upon spotting me. The predator’s blank gaze didn’t hide their confusion when I could clearly spot their eyes flicking between Martha and I.
“Sorry, am I interrupting something?” Crow asked.
“We were just finishing up,” I responded, making no effort to hide my contempt for the interloper's presence.
Martha waved a hand to one of the chairs. “Have a seat, and I'll be right with you.”
Richard seemed almost deflated as he sulked over to the table. I resisted the opportunity to trip him with my tail in front of Martha to humiliate him, instead glowering at him as he afforded me a quick glance. I turned my attention back to the leader figure that was present while he took a seat.
“So 1100 credits was the agreed upon price, yes?”
“It was, though if there's anything else you desire outside the monetary value, you need only ask. We can't offer much, but I'm sure I have the ear of someone who can.”
“Hopefully you don't mean that literally,” I jested, putting on a facade of worry.
I could spot Crow watching Martha chuckle at my quip. His miserable expression was almost unreadable, save for the furrowing of the pelts on his brow.
Let him watch me charm his kind as easily as he thinks he can mine.
I raised my tail behind my head while I leaned against the table and curled the end loosely to convey appreciation. It was a sign that was rarely used outside of close bonding - that is to say, it'd been a while since I had been able to use it.
Recognition didn't light up in Martha's expression but I was content with projecting affection in any way I could. Understanding wasn't as important as the gesture itself.
“So might I at least know the names of those who did contribute? I'd like to express my thanks to them.”
Richard was the one who responded, “I wouldn't ask questions I wouldn't want the answers—”
“What he means,” Martha interjected. “Is that most contributors wouldn't like being mentioned by name. Aliens are still a polarizing subject and can crop up arguments that others may be obligated to avoid.”
My ears and tail sagged a bit. “Did my presence bring up that much of a problem?”
“More like it's one of a million other things these people can't agree about. But of those who I think would enjoy a bit of gratitude, you may already know some of them.”
“Oh? Tell me!”
I made eye contact with Crow who remained quiet as he cradled his chin in his palm against the table. His bored demeanor irked me in ways I couldn't describe.
“The Ito family, of whom you're already familiar with their daughter Chihiro, were the first to pledge. They're good folk and will happily accept your thanks. Next was myself, though I didn't give much. One of our cooks, Raksh, also contributed a bit, though that may have been more out of courtesy than anything else. And lastly…”
She lazily extended a claw toward Richard.
“... is Mister Crow here, your biggest donor who paid damn near half of your wage!”
Slowly, I felt myself deflate as enthusiasm made way for disappointment. I gritted my teeth to keep any brash words from escaping my lips.
“Closer to a third, actually,” he corrected her. “And with me already having the contact details of your brother, that means I can help set up the rest of the transaction.”
Even when I think I'm winning, he finds a way to one-up me.
“Would you mind giving us a moment, Vili? I think Mister Crow came here to say something and I’d hate to keep you from saying your goodbyes.”
Obliging her request, Martha and Richard waited patiently as I shuffled out of the tent. I hadn't realized how tightly my paw was clenched before reaching the outside where I felt my joints creak with relief as the fist unballed.
In the short time I'd been away, I secretly began to crave interaction from any of the humans I'd become acquainted with. My mind drifted to the slop that Big Joe always served, and how he always laughed every time I tried to inquire as to his full name. It wasn't quite dinner time, though, and so I then considered if any of the kids were still roaming about for me to tell stories to.
Whispers came from the tent before I could set a destination and my ears immediately perked up. I'd found that the humans’ ears were not nearly as effective as mine and so I found it easy to go unnoticed around them. I assumed they thought I was out of earshot by now.
I crouched on one knee and raised an ear to listen, though it was garbled hisses from this far. Curiosity got the better of me and I shuffled on my knees toward the tent, hiding in the shadow cast by an adjacent tent to mask my presence.
“... playing games with the lives of children,” came the low growl of Crow.
“Miss Ito and my own daughter are both very capable of defending themselves and the children from a venlil, Richard. You need to have faith that things can turn out alright.”
“Faith! She wanted to—”
There was a pause before I heard heavy stomping through the canvas. The mesh flaps that acted as windows were quickly torn shut one by one. I feared Crow would spot me, but he seemed too focused on hiding whatever it was he was talking about.
“She told me that she would've used my brains to add character development to a fucking snowglobe. Faith wouldn't have saved me if she carried through.”
“The fact that she informed you of her plot should be some small comfort that there's a piece of her that trusts you.”
“We don't know how many pieces there are! Should we wait for her to try to gore me on the street a second time? Perhaps you’ll get some insight if she sticks a claw through my eye?”
“I'd never let it come to that. I do wonder why it is that you're so worried about her. Did you not tell me you knew someone in her position?”
I heard a huff leave Richard before he spoke, “That was while she was getting help from professionals! What, do you hope to get her the therapy she needs from some squalid nowhere shantytown when we're eating out of the aliens’ trough ourselves?”
“It's a preferable alternative to leaving her at the mercy of the Federation's methods of ‘healing’. At least this way, she's getting help that matters.”
By this point, their voices had lowered into hissing whispers that even I strained to hear.
“I expect that you'll be more open with the others about your motives in the future, Martha. Maybe I have no rock to stand on when I say this, but your actions could very well draw the UN's eye, and the last thing I want is to have the Blues down here.”
“Is it related to your incarceration? Perhaps you were on parole before the bombing and fear the UN will be after you?”
I listened to rustling coming from my left and the conversation grew quiet. I turned to see Tac trotting along, surprisingly unaccompanied by Mercy as he shoveled a bowl of stew into his maw. He stopped mid-bite to look at me hunched over next to the Blackfoxes’ tent and narrowed his eyes in suspicion.
Shove off, I signaled to him. Come back later.
Weird, he replied before trotting off without fuss, thankfully.
There was something of a release from within the tent as I heard Crow and Blackfox alike exhale.
“I assure you, Richard,” Martha started again. “Whatever fears you have, you're protected by venlil laws of asylum as well as having the backing of myself-”
“We can do therapy later,” Crow butted in. “I'll take Vili home. I hope you're prepared to explain to your son that this mission we've embarked on wasn't the quest for glory he thought it'd be.”
“I've tried my best to tamp his expectations down, but I was hoping that Kanek would be open to publishing our actions. The bus that is taking the ones you rescued into town should be arriving shortly, and Kanek will be here soon after she's shushed them.”
I scampered off when I heard Crow trudge out of the tent, using my paws to crawl as quietly as I could manage out of sight. Blowing dirt off of the scab on my punctured paw, I walked off to find people I wanted to say goodbye to.

Most of the kids were already spending time with their families, but the few who still milled about and played were happy to give one last goodbye. Riley broke down in tears while we embraced and I now had a stain on the fur of my belly where her tears had soaked through.
I tried shifting by a group of the adults that were celebrating their return around a campfire. The looks I got as I did so were unnerving now that I understood the discourse that my presence had caused.
Approaching Crow, I pretended I didn’t know why he was slinking between groups and milling wanderers with a leering eye. He turned about to the sounds of my paws shuffling across the grass and threw his head backwards in a lazy greeting similar to how Mercy would.
“Are you ready to head back home?”
“I'm sure Luka has held the place down on his own… but yes.”
“Good, I'll bring the truck around for you and we'll be on our way.”
“Richa-a-a-a-ard!”
My ears perked up and I snapped my head about to meet the approaching Amber with her arms outstretched. Her voice bounced with each step as she rushed toward the towering Terran. Crow let out a grunt as she forced her arms around his waist and jumped about with glee.
“Mama said you were a party pooper! You told me you'd stay cool!”
“Aw, I'm sure you can forgive me for keeping to myself, Amber. Did you enjoy your time alone?”
Amber turned the corners of her mouth down in a pouty expression. “No, I didn't have anyone to help me with my homework!”
Richard patted the young girl on the back and began trying to pry her arms from him.
“I'm sure you managed just fine, you're smarter than the average second grader. And how did Vili treat you?”
I folded my ears back when Crow's eyes turned back to me.
“Vili? That's Luka!”
Amber finally unlatched herself from Crow and rushed over to my side, jabbing a claw toward me.
“See? The ear is the same color! And she knows when I say her name! Mercy told me venlil don't have boobies like human girls do but she's a girl! You were wrong!”
A couple of the voices closest to us erupted in the familiar, grating laughter that accompanied humans everywhere. I tilted my head while trying to grasp what it was Amber said that had earned such a response. Human and venlil physiology was different for sure, but I'd never considered it so entertaining.
Perhaps it's some in-joke that I'm not knowledgeable on, I thought, humans seem to like those.
Crow lowered his eyes to the ground and pursed his lips before squatting down and beckoning Amber toward him. She obeyed and the taller Terran cupped a hand over her ear, whispering quietly.
Amber's eyes lit up as Crow continued and her mouth hung agape. “Lu- ah, er…you're a twin?!”
In a rush, Amber grasped the fur around my ribs and began shaking me back and forth. “You were hiding it from me-e-e!”
Given this small child was still two-thirds my weight, I wobbled like a sapling in the wind as I tried to grab for the scolding child's wrists.
“Please. Stop. Gonna hurl.”
The little girl groaned and buried her face in my stomach. “You must think I'm pretty stupid too, huh?”
Mustering as much of my understanding of English, I belched out, “No.”
Amber buried her face deeper into my pelt while exhaling.
“l'ou… no donb.”
She raised her head to look me head-on, something which I couldn't return in full for the placement of my eyes.
“I'ou's… Zm’rd. Kappy. Ngai'z.”
“You stink at English,” Amber giggled while shooting me one last face-splitting snarl. I mashed her cheeks between my paws and she relented her grasp.
“I neeb go, fr'nd! O’gee?”
“Okay! I promise I'll try to know how to say ‘hi’ next time! And more.”
Richard butted in, “I'm sure she'll hold you to that promise, but I think it's time we got going.”
As soon as he had suggested as much, I caught sight of a human who was only covered in pelts from the waist down stagger into view. The glassy eyed stare and uncoordinated movement were all too familiar to me even without knowing where they were before.
They growled, “Fucks the alien still doing here?”
“Just about to get going, Paul,” Richard shot back. “Don't concern yourself with her.”
“It has been here long enough! Move along, little lambchop!”
“Man, lay off,” another human intervened. “She's as welcome here as any other guest.”
“Nah, Paul has a point. How do we know she ain't some Baby Burner spy or some shit? Get the xeno outta here!”
The humans quickly began bickering amongst themselves and I felt the firm grasp of Crow on my shoulder tug me away from the commotion. Amber trailed behind, watching the debates unfold behind us while we made our way along.
Crow opened the door in a raggedy truck in even worse condition than the others, standing aside for me to enter. While I didn't want to test the predator's patience in light of the tension behind us, I whirled about to give Amber one last goodbye hug. Her grasp around my neck was like iron though the wet streams on her face were all I needed to know that I should let her have this.
“You're gonna come back, right? You and your brother are gonna come and say hi?”
I saw no point in trying to cobble together an articulate sentence in her own language that'd fall flat as soon as I spoke. I considered my words carefully while I clasped her hands in my paws.
“I want to, but I have class that I need to catch up with, as well as I'm in need of a stable job once I'm through with this one. I don't know when I'll be back, but I want you to know that you've made this the best two weeks I've had in a long time, Amber. I don't know how much of my language you understand, but your enthusiasm has surpassed all barriers.”
She stared back up at me with her lips locked in an “oh” pose before turning to Richard who still watched with a lazy gaze.
“She said ‘maybe’.”
That seemed to suffice for Amber as she broke free and ran off squealing with her arms in the air as she always did when she was excited. I'd gotten used to the ear-splitting shrieks of the kids, and my ears didn't even fold back on reflex anymore.
“That's not what I said,” I grumbled to Crow.
He clicked his tongue as he held the door open for me. “Less is more. She's a kid, so she may not fully grasp your struggles anyway.”
With a huff, I crawled into the truck and kicked my feet up onto the dashboard while Crow ducked in behind the wheel. He twisted the key and the vehicle gurgled to life.
Strangely enough, I found that instead of the truck lurching forward, Crow put the vehicle into reverse, using the mirror to navigate up the hill. The truck seemed to make sure we felt every rock and bump that it struck, and I eventually decided to straighten out my posture so that I didn't get folded in half by a particularly bad bump.
Richard seemed unfazed by the sickness-inducing commotion, guiding the truck up the hill with a steady gaze. Stopping at the top, he whipped out his holopad and tapped away while quietly mumbling to himself.
“... hundred-fifty year-old country shit, sure why not.”
He tapped once more and the truck's audio system whirred with the melodic twang of a stringed instrument accompanied by simple percussion. A human's strange croon came over the speaker in a curious tune.
“You held me up, held me down
Made me crazy, then turned me around…”
Richard twisted the knob to bring the volume down to a more agreeable level and I caught a glimpse down at the camp. A group of humans were now gathered where I'd been talking with Amber just moments before.
Now, I could spot the human Paul bumping chests with a human much larger than he, noses almost touching in a clear display of aggression as they howled at each other. Humans pointed claws at one another and argued while yet more flocked to the scene of the commotion. Whether their motives were to disperse or exacerbate was yet to be seen.
“You were my shelter and my storm
Made me cold, then you made me warm…”
Crow finally put the truck in gear and we rolled backwards yet again, leaving the only sight before me the peaks of the Belimal retreating beneath the grassy brow.
As I let the truck shuttle me back to my brother, I yearned for the comfort of my own bed and blankets, for the soft hum of my own air conditioning unit, and for the obnoxious snoring and sleep-talking of my own flesh and blood.
From here, one might even be able to see the highest of the foothills from which my roots would lay betwixt, a reminder that the pangs of home weren't just knots in my stomach. Luka and I had a long way to go to get away from home, and even longer to be rid of it.
“One step forward and two steps back, nobody gets too far like that
One step forward and two steps back, this kind of dance can never last.”
[ First / Previous ]

Hi everyone.
M47. I'm a year into a wide range of scary health symptoms. My first BFS post is Here
I've had various (sort of) reassuring tests in the past 8-9 months but things are getting slowly worse. If I do have some kind of MND, then it's not a classic presentation. That said, we all know everyone's different.
The reassuring (??!) stuff:

• I have been twitching and had loads of sensory stuff for a year now - fasciculations, pins and needles, paresthesia, buzzing/vibration, tingling, intermittent numbness, muscle aches, joint clicking, etc. These have been widespread, affecting all four limbs - rather than just in one area, although they did start with foot drop in my right leg (since 90% recovered). I put this in 'reassuring' as it seems this points away from MND in terms of pain/sensory and not focused in one area for long.
• This all started with the dreaded foot drop, out of nowhere, in late April last year. My leg went completely numb when I was sitting with crossed legs (unusually for me) and then felt like jelly for a while, and I was dragging my foot for a month or so afterwards. It has, however, since recovered. I couldn't walk on my left heel for a while but I can now and any observer would say I walk normally (I think).
• I have not lost any function in the past year. I can still stand on one leg on each side, and walk on heels and tiptoes.
• I've had two clean (?) clinicals, in October and January. At least I think they were clean - my neuro (not a neuromuscular specialist) is not all that communicative about what she's doing. I do know she told me on both occasions "you do not have MND". The letter i was sent noted "easily elicitable" reflexes, and in January that I was tremulous - she put that down to anxiety...
• My first EMG was "dirty" in Aug 23, with reinnervation noted in my right leg (where the twitching began) and neurogenic changes/reduced recruitment in both arms as well as r-leg. But this was not seen as evidence of anything bad - nerve damage was put down to peroneal nerve palsy after large weight loss and common wear and tear in arms/across elbows due to desk job.
• My second EMG in Jan 24 was much quicker (done privately) and still found reinnervation in right leg and he didn't test my ulnar nerves - but a worrisome weak/aching shoulder and upper right arm came back clean, as did spinal muscles (10 sites tested, only r leg reduced recruitment). That was 6 months plus after onset of symptoms.
• My B12 was low last summer and may have contributed to some symptoms but I am not anaemic.
• My CK levels have been consistently below 100 throughout this time (non-specific I know). I can't access an NFL test without considerable planning and travel so have not managed to do that yet.

The worrying stuff:

• The tremor I have had since around Christmas feels like incipient weakness, and although my neuro just ascribed it to anxiety, a physio has noted 4/5 strength in my right shoulder and that both legs shake when doing calf raises. There is no obvious cause. My typing is really clumsy and I am constantly correcting typos. This has never happened before in my life.
• Everyday items feel heavier now, and low level exertion like mowing the lawn brings on increased tremor and twitching afterwards. My balance feels off at times, and I sometimes have to concentrate to walk normally, especially when getting up from a chair.
• Flip side of the first list / glass half empty take is that I have never had a "clean" EMG - I do have nerve damage. My last EMG was almost 5 months ago and I feel weaker since then.
• Fasiculations have worsened in past 2 months or so - a persistent one just above my right knee (where this all started) and another in my right shoulder. Both calves bubble away pretty much constantly.
• I have a sort of dancing muscle rippling on the outside of both thighs when engaged. I believe this is myokymia. The neuro didn't note it in Jan. It is not usually listed as an MND symptom, but I don't know what it does point to.
• My feet, hands and thighs have noticably thinned. No function has been lost but I do have perceived (and physio-noted) weakness. I am concerned that the neuro doesn't know me and is waiting for clear and obvious weakness/failure rather than, say, a weakened pinch grip or foot push before she investigates any further. So far, I don't think she has found any upper neuron issues but I do seem to have lower neuron stuff (twitching, weakness). The twitches were quiet in Jan when I last saw her. This makes me worried about PMA - although testimonies of how that plays out are hard to find, and I don't have muscle cramps (yet - I do have pre-cramp sensations in my legs).
• In the past month or two I am getting extremely weird waves of tingling/chills which almost feel like goosebumps, - they tend to affect a single limb at a time, and are usually but not always on the right side of my body.

The confounding factors:
Like a lot of folk I have spent a lot of time researching possible alternative explanations for WTF is going on with me. I also have other known health issues, which have all emerged over the past year or 18 months - but none of them convincingly cover what is going on. These are:

• Low B12. 165 last summer, loading injections via GP didn't shift twitching. I have restarted injections recently, no effect other than things feeling worse. I tsted negative for intrinsic factor so cause of deficiency is unknown.
• One neuro test was the tuning fork / vibration one. I couldn't feel the vibration at all on either foot. She didn't note this in the letter or explain its significance but it seems to maybe point to sensory peripheral neuropathy?
• I was prescribed clonazepam by my GP last summer and took it in low doses for 8-9 months - last 3 months was tapering off. Benzo use and withdrawal can (often) cause muscle weakness and a lot of stuff listed above - but my dose (usually 1MG per day for the first half of those months) seems too low to have caused that. On the other hand, a LOT of people on the benzo recovery sub report chills, tingling and weakness - and clon is a very strong benzo.
• I have a 3cm thyroid nodule which means my right thyroid lobe (at least) will need to be removed in teh near future. Needle biopsy was uncertain and chance of cancer is 35%. I may be the only person in the world to have received a letter saying "possible malignancy" and been delighted as I'm so desperate for explanations for everything. However, although my muscle issues are all listed as symptoms of hyperthyroidism (or a mix of hyper and hypo), nodules and TC don't usually affect function and my numbers are stubbornly in range - albeit with a TSH which is very low end of range at 0.54 and has fallen quite a bit in the past year. I still hope that maybe after the operation, a lot of this might ease off - even though an ENT specialist dismissed the possibility that my neuro stuff could be thyroid related.
• I had a full spine MRI which found the above thyroid issue but also noted bulging lumbar discs all the way down, mild left lateral and central stenoses at L3-4 and severe stenosis at L4-5, and right side nerve compression there. That *might* account for my leg issues but does not explain my upper body/arm/shoulder stuff as the cervical section was fine (aaargh).

Any comments welcome. I know what I probably need to do is get a second opinion by a neuromuscular specialist and I am working on doing that.

25M no drinking (2 weeks), smoking (ever), unprotected sex (ever)
Hello,
For about 3 weeks I have been dealing with foot numbness in all postures - sitting, standing, lying down. This symptom improves based on how much pressure I’m putting on my feet but it is still present even when completely flat on my back. When I wake up, I notice that my feet have gone numb and I need to wake them up by moving them a bit. Note that there is no pain or tingling sensations, just foot numbness. Also, my hamstrings are very tight, even more so than usual.
A few minutes ago, for the first time since I started experiencing this, I checked my feet and I noticed that my ankles seemed both a bit discolored and a bit larger than normal. I say ‘seem’ because honestly I am not an expert on my ankles - I don’t know how they look normally, maybe to a doctor’s eye they have a size and color within the normal range?
Do these two symptoms together point to something problematic with my feet? I’m wondering if this is just a result of poor posture + walking more frequently or if this is something that needs more immediate treatment. Pics in comments.

This is long so I’m sorry in advance. TLDR at the bottom
I (29m) had my first panic attack on Friday at work and it was the most awful experience ever. It started with heavy breathing, followed by the feeling of my eyes vibrating, then a sort of tunnel vision. I laid down on the ground and had my legs propped up and then I got a tingling feeling around my face that spread to my whole body. Complete numbness and my arms locked at 90 degrees and my wrists and hands flexed to where I couldn’t move them. I had people with me trying to keep me conscious and help talk to me. Then my heavy breaths turned to wheezing and it felt impossible to breathe. My lips were also locked but open so I could only attempt to get words out and it all sounded like grunts. I remember feeling completely conscious of the world around me but just completely paralyzed from movement. All I could do is breathe and stare straight up at the ceiling lights. I felt like my soul was outside of my body and I was dying. After a few minutes the paramedics came and were able to calm me down, I still had my arms locked and hands and wrists, lips were still tight but I was getting feeling back in everything. It was horrid and I never wanted to experience it again.
Then today the same things started to happen, I was able to calm myself down some with my coworkers and had one of them take me home, but in the car ride it happened all over again, I felt a better sense of control so it wasn’t as severe but I’m absolutely terrified of it happening again. The paramedics said initially that there wasn’t anything they could do at the hospital for me and all my symptoms are normal, reading things online seem to say the same thing. But I guess I’m coming here to share my experience and get reassurance from some people that have experienced something like this to ease my mind. I’m completely new to this kind of thing and it scares the living hell out of me. 29 years alive and nothing like this, just for it to happen 2 times in 3 days. Thanks to anyone who is reading it just helps to get it out there I guess
TLDR: I’ve never had a panic attack before and I had my first 2 this week and it’s scaring the life from me

I have severe anxiety about rabies. So much that it convinced me it had me the symptoms, since then i had been not the same. I would have intense headaches. Tightness of throat, loss of apetite. Feeling of tingling in my body, muscle twitching. Please help me how do i stop this. It keeps getting worse, its been 8 days.

TL;DR- I caught the common cold, and the next day I woke up with painful bilateral sciatic nerve issues. What is the possible cause?
27F. 116lbs. Right shoulder injury - 10+ yrs. Winged Scapula, Bursitis, Snapping Tendon & history of nerve impingement from behind scapula to hand. I suspect I have an autoimmune issue, so that when I got sick, I got inflamed and then something is compressing my nerve. Chronic low back pain (ride side of spine).
I caught a cold (not COVID) and woke up feeling a ton of stiffness and joint pain, esp in my spine. The next day I woke up with sciatic pain in both legs.
The sciatica has been going on for 3 weeks now. I am have a hard time getting through the work day, seeing friends & completing my daily tasks.
It starts on right side of spine on low back and travels down my glutes, hamstring, calves feet and eventually in front of and between my legs. It goes down both legs. It starts with numbness, then tingling and then it feels like I am sitting on a pile of hot embers. I can’t get comfortable I. Any position.
Any ideas what could be causing the sciatic problem? Do we think that the autoimmune theory has any merit?
Thank you!

I DIDNT ACTUALLY EXPECT IT TO WORK BUT ITS WORKING WTFFF...
Well I guess for the time being this is gonna be a gateway update saga for this account. Little day by day diary of the goings on.
Transcript of texts I sent to a buddy describing the experience bc I can't post screenshots;

I was in focus 10
Which is, mind awake and alert, body completely asleep
And I have my eyes closed
And I noticed like hey I'm starting to see something
AND ITS MY OWN F*CKING ROOM
And then I'm in REM
AND DAWG
I'm literally closing my eyes as tight as humanly possible
AND IM STILL SEEING THE F*CKING ROOM
And I'm just like dawg how is that sh*t possible
I've read online of like people having spiritual experiences where they can see through their closed eyelids
And I always doubted it until literally 10 minutes ago
I was like clamping my eyelids shut, which you're not supposed to do at focus 10, everything's supposed to be super relaxed
And even sealed shut I'm still seeing the room
Then I get out of the second focus 10 and when I move my fingers it feels like my hand is waking up. Like ig when you wake up from sleep, your body feels a certain way and your brain feels foggy, or as my old sponsor describes it, recollective, like readjusting to the real world
And my hand felt exactly like it does when I wake from sleep
As for my mind, totally normal. Like nothing happened
And then the other parts were like. They tell you to make a resonant energy field around you and it's supposed to go from your head to your feet
And both ends of my body literally felt like they were tingling
Dude... insane.
======== /FIN/ ==========
This stuff is rly wild. So wild. My expectations are blown away.