So this is my first attempt to trying to actually get these photos back, and I would appreciate any help I can get in understanding what I'm doing wrong. I've content creators use this, in order to get their Myspace photos back. They were even able to get some of their Myspace bulletins. I remember my url, and it's definitely the correct url. Since when I type it in, my page pops up, but all the pictures are gone. Since my face did that thing where they cleared all the photos.
The reason I want to have these photos back, is because my best friend from middle school and high school passed away on May 1st. I want to get these photos for her parents, as I know they don't have them. I have some really good ones that I took, when we were really into photography around 2008-2010. The last time I remember logging into my myspace, was around 2010-2011. The photos were still there at that time. So I would assume that they're somewhere in the ether. I'm just not doing it correctly. Any help would be greatly appreciated, as honestly her death really has rocked me. It would help with the grieving process to have these photos.
💞

Me 22M and my girlfriend or ex girlfriend 22F we together for 6 months but have been broken up for a month now, but she and I still see each other no matter how many times I try to ignore her. The reason she broke up with me was because she doesn’t believe that I never had a romantic interest or had a relationship with my girl family friend. My family friend and I had photos in my phone of our memories hanging out, nothing weird. I have been asked by her multiple times if I did like her, and I keep saying no. I’ve told her everything about my relationship with my family friend, but she said something like all she needed was honesty and transparency and that I’m not giving that to her. I then showed her my phone and she looked through the past messages I’ve had with a friend of mine who happens to be involved with the situation and my girlfriend then sees a message of my friend asking if I liked my family friend and me saying that I really do like her, but not in a romantic way. I guess that’s what validated her assumption about the situation about me and my family friend. She then said that she’s been lied to by a lot of guys and knows when someone is lying to her, that is when she broke things off with me.
A week or so goes by and she then checks up on me, then later on would start seeing each other again, with no labels. Then whenever I would talk about getting back together and wanting to work things out, she still thinks that I’m a liar and won’t work things out which caused us to take some space from each other again, and then the same thing happens. This time the issue was about the girls on my instagram following. She made me show her my following and then tells me to unblock the girls that I’ve talked to before, which I have ever since I got in to the relationship with her. She then met someone i knew back in high school that I used to talk to, with no relationship interest, then the next day she asks me if I still talk to any of the girls I used to like or talked to and I said no. She then showed me a screenshot of a comment I had on my high school friend’s post from 4 years ago and she thinks I used to talk to her. I then asked her if my friend ever told her that I liked her or pursued her, she said nothing and wanted to end the call because she was upset about it. I kept my distance from her because I said take her time and talk to me whenever she’s ready. She would then reach out to me to see me but never in the talks of working things out, only to just spend time and hangout. Another issue happens again which caused me to take some time from her because I felt like it was becoming a cycle, and also made me want to stop fighting for the relationship to get back to normal, she said that we can’t get back what we had. As much as want to keep fighting for the relationship, I just felt like I wasn’t being heard and felt like every question she asks me, she wants to hear something right, right that validated her assumptions.
I tried to keep my distance from her by spending more time with my friends because I was really hurt from the situation when she broke up with me and felt like I was in an emotional roller coaster. I know everybody makes mistakes but to her, everything I do seems to be bad… But then few days later she would check up on me again, then spend time with each other, cuddling and everything, like everything was ok. But now I just feel like it’s gonna be the same thing again and I don’t know what to do about it.
She’s been cheated on in the past and have told me before that she had some jealousy from her past relationship and also told me that she was a pretty controlling. I didn’t mind it before because I feel like she might have changed now. But now I feel like everything she has done with her ex has now been projected to me. Earlier times in our relationship, whenever she and I had those issues and would take time apart, she would apologize to me few days after saying that she’s sorry for treating me bad and felt that she should’ve not projected things to me from her past that I had no relations to. And I also find it unfair on why she was focused on my past and not the present, when she was the only person in my life, my only priority.
I tried to have a serious talk about getting back but she said that she’s scared that I might eventually hurt her. Why would she be worried of the worst outcome about what could happen when she and I could be focusing on what we want to happen?
I love this girl and all, but I just don’t know what to do about this. I feel like I’m stuck on a relationship that’s not a relationship. I’ve been looking up a lot these attachment styles and many months ago, she took a quiz and says that she was a fearful avoidant, and I’ve been looking up what a person with narcissist tendencies does, but I don’t want to assume the worst about it because I’m just simply trying to understand where she is at with this type of relationship she and I has. I just really don’t know what to do now at this point and I could use some help because I’ve been sad and angry about the situation I’m in. Thank you for reading this.
What do you think I could do with this situation? What could be the cause of this happening to her and me? Should I let her go?

I made a really big mistake and now my friends are mad at me and i feel horrible. I'll start from the beginning. So a little bit ago I was struggling severely with my mental health and still am just not as much as before. I had to drop out off school and now I'm homeschooled. I also cut off all my friends and people from school because i thought that was the best thing I could do at that time. I also was in therapy that wasn't working. Fast forward to now. I'm a people pleaser I guess you could say and that's what started everything. I eventually started talking to my friends again and everything was cool. Until they both called me in our group chat and started arguing with me and calling me a liar. I was hurt but deep down I knew they were right because almost everything they said was true.
They were saying how when one of the speaks to me about the other how I agree with what they say just to avoid conflict and how everytime I say something different depending who I talk to. They also said how I lie and make up stuff that my one friend said. Which I didn't agree with that part but it's wtv. Anyways they were both calling me a liar and saying how I need to be more honest and if I have a problem then to just speak with them about it next time. Which I will admit I do agree with people to please them I'm a push over. But I also kinda feel like they were both attacking me when they both were also talking behind eachothers back but I didn't say that. I also tried apologizing to then and saying sorry for lying to them even though I really never meant to or thought I was. Then my one friend was saying how I never explained what happend when I blocked her and didn't give her an explanation and how I can't just suddenly unblock her and start talking with out giving her an explanation but i told my other friend and not her.
(To clarify my other friend just showed up to my house unannounced so i kinda was forced to say everything by my mom and thats how we made up.)I said I wasn't comfortable with talking about it cause it was a very bad part of my life I wanna forget. But she said I can't just be friends again when it's convenient for me and i apolozged to her again and explained I wasn't comfortable. So after that cause that's all I remember I apologized for the last time about the lieing, people pleasing, and talking behind eachothers backs they were still made and said that's not what we want u to apologize for and just said it's whatever and hung up. Now they arent really talking to me and i feel like it would be awkard to try to hang out when they are both still mad at me. But I don't know what to do or how to fix it. I always avoid my problems and I'm already getting the urge to just block them because I don't know what else to do, but I know that'll be even worse cause there my bestfriends i just hate when we get into fights. Besides saying sorry I don't think there's anyway to fix this. Thank you to whoever read this long. Any advice on how to make up with them or what to do would be nice or any opinions.

I made a really big mistake and now my friends are mad at me and i feel horrible. I'll start from the beginning. So a little bit ago I was struggling severely with my mental health and still am just not as much as before. I had to drop out off school and now I'm homeschooled. I also cut off all my friends and people from school because i thought that was the best thing I could do at that time. I also was in therapy that wasn't working. Fast forward to now. I'm a people pleaser I guess you could say and that's what started everything. I eventually started talking to my friends again and everything was cool. Until they both called me in our group chat and started arguing with me and calling me a liar. I was hurt but deep down I knew they were right because almost everything they said was true.
They were saying how when one of the speaks to me about the other how I agree with what they say just to avoid conflict and how everytime I say something different depending who I talk to. They also said how I lie and make up stuff that my one friend said. Which I didn't agree with that part but it's wtv. Anyways they were both calling me a liar and saying how I need to be more honest and if I have a problem then to just speak with them about it next time. Which I will admit I do agree with people to please them I'm a push over. But I also kinda feel like they were both attacking me when they both were also talking behind eachothers back but I didn't say that. I also tried apologizing to then and saying sorry for lying to them even though I really never meant to or thought I was. Then my one friend was saying how I never explained what happend when I blocked her and didn't give her an explanation and how I can't just suddenly unblock her and start talking with out giving her an explanation but i told my other friend and not her.
(To clarify my other friend just showed up to my house unannounced so i kinda was forced to say everything by my mom and thats how we made up.)I said I wasn't comfortable with talking about it cause it was a very bad part of my life I wanna forget. But she said I can't just be friends again when it's convenient for me and i apolozged to her again and explained I wasn't comfortable. So after that cause that's all I remember I apologized for the last time about the lieing, people pleasing, and talking behind eachothers backs they were still made and said that's not what we want u to apologize for and just said it's whatever and hung up. I started crying when I processed what just happen. Now they arent really talking to me and i feel like it would be awkward to try to hang out when they are both still mad at me. But I don't know what to do or how to fix it. I always avoid my problems and I'm already getting the urge to just block them because I don't know what else to do, but I know that'll be even worse cause there my bestfriends i just hate when we get into fights. Besides saying sorry I don't think there's anyway to fix this. Thank you to whoever read this long. Any advice on how to make up with them or what to do would be nice or any opinions.

I made a really big mistake and now my friends are mad at me and i feel horrible. I'll start from the beginning. So a little bit ago I was struggling severely with my mental health and still am just not as much as before. I had to drop out off school and now I'm homeschooled. I also cut off all my friends and people from school because i thought that was the best thing I could do at that time. I also was in therapy that wasn't working. Fast forward to now. I'm a people pleaser I guess you could say and that's what started everything. I eventually started talking to my friends again and everything was cool. Until they both called me in our group chat and started arguing with me and calling me a liar. I was hurt but deep down I knew they were right because almost everything they said was true.
They were saying how when one of the speaks to me about the other how I agree with what they say just to avoid conflict and how everytime I say something different depending who I talk to. They also said how I lie and make up stuff that my one friend said. Which I didn't agree with that part but it's wtv. Anyways they were both calling me a liar and saying how I need to be more honest and if I have a problem then to just speak with them about it next time. Which I will admit I do agree with people to please them I'm a push over. But I also kinda feel like they were both attacking me when they both were also talking behind eachothers back but I didn't say that. I also tried apologizing to then and saying sorry for lying to them even though I really never meant to or thought I was. Then my one friend was saying how I never explained what happend when I blocked her and didn't give her an explanation and how I can't just suddenly unblock her and start talking with out giving her an explanation but i told my other friend and not her.
(To clarify my other friend just showed up to my house unannounced so i kinda was forced to say everything by my mom and thats how we made up.)I said I wasn't comfortable with talking about it cause it was a very bad part of my life I wanna forget. But she said I can't just be friends again when it's convenient for me and i apolozged to her again and explained I wasn't comfortable. So after that cause that's all I remember I apologized for the last time about the lieing, people pleasing, and talking behind eachothers backs they were still made and said that's not what we want u to apologize for and just said it's whatever and hung up. Now they arent really talking to me and i feel like it would be awkard to try to hang out when they are both still mad at me. But I don't know what to do or how to fix it. I always avoid my problems and I'm already getting the urge to just block them because I don't know what else to do, but I know that'll be even worse cause there my bestfriends i just hate when we get into fights. Besides saying sorry I don't think there's anyway to fix this. Thank you to whoever read this long. Any advice on how to make up with them or what to do would be nice or any opinions.

11-minute read.

Armenia's military industry is developing

HOST: The share of the domestic arms industry in the armed forces has been rising in recent years. The state has decided to create easier conditions for the development of the industry.
HIGH-TECH MINISTER (Mkhitar Hayrapetyan): Whatever is possible to produce in Armenia with the use of Armenian scientific potential and manufacturing capacities should be done domestically to minimize reliance on imports. The myth that Armenian producers are incapable of creating high-quality products has been shattered.
At the moment, there are ֏170 billion ($438 million) in contracts signed between the defense ministry and 27 representatives of domestic industry. We expect to bring it to ֏190 billion ($490 million) by the end of this year by involving two more companies.
Most contracts are about communication tools, control systems, radio-electronic warfare tools, drones, modernization activities, etc.
LEONID NERSISYAN (expert): It's not a secret that hefty investments were made in the manufacturing of drones. We've also seen a production of 122 mm and 82 mm shells; it's necessary to expand to 155 mm because we are purchasing new [Indian] artillery that uses those.
HIGH-TECH MINISTER: (1) The state is enacting legislative reforms to make the industry attractive for investments. (2) We are promoting R&D for new technologies and the generation of new ideas. We are financing research activities, the creation of prototypes, and their experimentation. The chain ends when a company's product passes the state experimentation process and enters serial production.
HOST: In 2018 the scientific-research budget was ֏2.4B. Today it's ֏4.1B ($10.6M), with an additional ֏1.5B dedicated for prototypes.
MHER MARKOSYAN (expert): We need more laser tech experts. The state must cherish mil. industry employees and encourage young scientists to gain experience.
HIGH-TECH MINISTER: As part of the 2024 budget, we do have a component to train and retrain industry experts. New specialists must enter this industry.
MHER MARKOSYAN: The war in Ukraine has made it more difficult to import components. Something that would normally take 1 week now requires 5 months. There are also horrible logistics problems. We do find solutions to import products but these solutions are expensive.
LEONID NERSISYAN: Even countries under the UN's embargo are able to import weapons so it's a matter of price. For example, it turns out that 70% of the electronics inside North Korean missiles are American.
HOST: Some Armenian manufacturers have reached international levels and could soon begin to export their products. However, there are logistic complications here as well. For example, in 2021 Armenia faced difficulty transporting the mockups of larger weapons to the Abu Dhabi expo [Moscow forced the jet carrying Armenian products to be unloaded and kept delaying the cargo's transfer to Abu Dhabi].
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the National Academy of Sciences has received a device that uses powerful lasers to melt metal and ceramic dust to create 3D objects for space and other industries: VIDEO

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India's Ambassador about defense cooperation between India and Armenia

AMBASSADOR: Our defense cooperation is proceeding very well. Defense cooperation is not only defense technical cooperation, but also we are looking at capacity building. On both fronts, we are proceeding very well.
REPORTER: During a joint press conference with MOD Papikyan, the Greek Minister spoke about the possibility of Armenia-Greece-France-India quadrilateral cooperation in the defense area.
AMBASSADOR: All 4 states have very good relations but at the moment it is still premature to talk about a quadrilateral format. But yes, there are convergences.
REPORTER: The Indian government said it's going to appoint Defense Attachés to Armenia and several other countries to strengthen the military links. What can you tell us about this?
AMBASSADOR: PM Modi has a very clear-cut policy and initiative of “Make in India”, including in the defense sector. We are now seeing that many countries in the world are buying Indian defense equipment. Defense Attachés are being posted to coordinate the process.

... India's Ambassador about AM-IN economic ties and trade

REPORTER: What was the volume of trade last year, and what trends are seen in the bilateral export and import markets?
AMBASSADOR: The $200 million trade we made was far below the potential. India is the Pharmacy of the World with more than 60% of the vaccines worldwide coming from India, including those supplied through the WHO and other mechanisms like GAVI. So we see more potential here. Both sides are working towards increasing the import of Indian medicines and vaccines into Armenia. We are also looking at the high-tech sector.

... India's Ambassador about Pashinyan's "Crossroads of Peace" trade unblocking project

REPORTER: The Government of Armenia proposed the “Crossroads of Peace” logistics project. There were opinions that it matches with India’s vision in the South Caucasus. What is India’s opinion on this initiative?
AMBASSADOR: When countries need to prosper, connectivity is the key. And connectivity is something that we, in our own region, have been working very closely with our neighboring countries. So similarly, we find that for any region, if you want to move to the next level of prosperity, you need to have connectivity projects. Naturally, we see this “Crossroads of Peace” project of the Armenian government in that light, that it would be a win-win situation for all the regional partners. So indeed for us there is no other way than to have more connections between countries, whether it is in terms of roads, railways, etc. We look at it positively and enthusiastically.

... India's Ambassador about international trade through Iran's Chabahar port

REPORTER: India plays an important role in the development of Chabahar port. You mentioned that the prospects of facilitating the use of Chabahar port for Armenia are being considered as well. What are those possibilities?
AMBASSADOR: The Chabahar port is jointly developed by India and Iran. In our discussions with the Armenian side, they have manifested an interest in using the Chabahar port. Armenia's Minister of Territorial Administration visited the Chabahar port in December. We are waiting for the details from the Armenian side and we will consider it once we receive concrete proposals.
REPORTER: What role can Armenia play in the development of a communication route from India to Chabahar to the Black Sea?
AMBASSADOR: This goes back to my comment about connectivity. Armenia being a landlocked country definitely needs more connectivity projects. If it materializes, I think it would help Armenia to overcome the fact that it is a landlocked country.
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experts at the European Training Foundation will assess Armenia's secondary vocational education system

The European Training Foundation is a European Union agency that helps transition and developing countries harness the potential of their human capital through the reform of education, training and labour market systems, and in the context of the EU's external relations policy.

A group of experts have arrived for the May 21-23 assessment. They will hold consultations with state agencies, students, employee unions, and others.

by 2030, 90 percent of school and college graduates should be able to find jobs and work according to employers' requirements.

source, source, video,

Yerevan and Paris reached an agreement to cooperate in urbanization, transport, and waste management over the next 3 years during a visit by Yerevan Mayor Avinyan to Paris

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Yerevan subway is diching Soviet-era physical zhetons (tokens) as part of transport reforms and switch to a universal payment system

OFFICIAL: We are updating a total of 49 entrance gates; it will be completed next month. You'll be able to use the old gates with tokens for now. Soon you will pay with a QR code, Telcell mobile wallet, bank cards, etc. ... last week over 15,000 passengers used the electronic payment methods.
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Yerevan municipality launches a process to move garbage containers underground

A public tender is launched to design a pilot program. In October the city said they studied the international practice for collecting the trash from underground bins and found two methods: lifting the bins to allow Yerevan's existing tech to collect the trash, or remove the bins. The latter would be more expensive.
video, video,

government launches the construction of two roads for Tavush border village Kirants: VIDEO

PASHINYAN OFFICE: The 3 remaining coordinates of Kirants were pinpointed with the use of a computer and the border posts will be installed later. The rest [another 8 posts in Kirants] are already there. The good news for Kirants is that around 25 hectares of land that have been unreachable for 33 years will be returned to the village. The border resembles the 1976 line.
As we said earlier, yes, there is a need to build a bypass road, which can be accomplished in 2-3 months. We will also rebuild the road between H-26 and Acharkut and Kirants, which is an alternative road for Kirants. As for property issues, the volumes are small and the government will compensate in such situations. //
The 3 remaining border posts were reportedly installed in Kirants on Monday. Here is how the road issue will be addressed:
Azerbaijan is located between Kirants and Sarigyugh villages. Kirants is currently connected to Sarigyugh with two roads: a direct connection through the interstate road, and a secondary road that connects Kirants to nearby Acharkut before reaching Sarigyugh.
Approximately 300 meters of the direct road falls under the Azerbaijani side, so the government will build a 750-meter bypass road parallel to it. Preliminary construction activities have begun; they are working on the details.
As for the secondary road passing through Acharkut, the government has begun rebuilding and widening it to allow cargo trucks to use it.
So there are currently two construction projects, with one connecting Kirants to Sarigyugh directly, and the second connecting Kirants to Sarigyugh through Acharkut. Both roads are expected to be ready in 3 months.
video, source, video, source, source, video,

Final battle? The opposition co-leader Bagrat Galstanyan will hold a "decisive" massive rally on May 26 to oust PM Pashinyan

GALSTANYAN: Պատմե’ք մարդկանց մայիսի 26-ի մեր հանրահավաքի մասին, այն վճռական է լինելու: //
Former mayor of Yerevan Hayk Marukyan called for Pashinyan and the ruling party to resign. "այլևս անելիք չունեն, նրանք պետք է հեռանան"
source, source,

Serj Sargsyan's HHK party co-leader is against forming an anti-Pashinyan alliance with Edmon Marukyan and Sasna Tsrer

Edmon Marutyan's LHK, Ruben Vardanyan's Aprelu Yerkir, and the Sasna Tsrer (BEVER) whose followers committed terrorists attacks on police stations in 2016 and 2024 have decided to join the ongoing anti-Pashinyan protests led by Kremlin's favorite Archbishop Bagrat Galstanyan.
HHK's Edward Sharmazanov is against forming an alliance with Edmon Marukyan's LHK because they did not actively campaign against Pashinyan's reelection in 2021.
As for Sasna Tsrer, they committed attacks on police stations and called HHK "evil", so Sharmazanov is against working with them.
source,

update: threats after bribes

One of the several low-income residents of Vanadzor who last week reported receiving bribes to join the former regime's ongoing anti-Pashinyan protests says someone called and threatened their family for reporting the bribe to the police. Authorities are investigating the call.
source,

a fight broke out between protesters and students who refused to join the "Holy Struggle" led by Archbishop Galstanyan

AUTHORITIES: On Wednesday we received reports about a fight between the students of Yerevan's Manuk Abeghyan School and protesters. The participants engaged in a fight, disturbed peace, and used slurs. Eight students (all under 18 except for one) were detained.
SCHOOL DIRECTOR: It started after a group of protesters used loudspeakers to encourage our students to join them. After realizing that students didn't want to join, they began to hurl insults at the students. Several students left the building and a fight broke out in the backyard.
source,

82,000 Armenian drivers take advantage of a new law that absolves them of old citation debt if they pay 50%: VIDEO

It was part of a package law that slashes the size of future traffic citations by almost half if the driver pays electronically within the first two weeks of the violation. Some 21,000 drivers have already signed up at police.am to get a discount on their future citations.
It's meant to reduce the financial burden on drivers, the paperwork burden on police, and improve the payment discipline.
source,

Armenian poet and 18th century TikToker Sayat-Nova's statue is unveiled in Turkmenistan during an international forum of Culture Ministers: PHOTO

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Armenia circulates gold collector coin dedicated to Charles Aznavour’s 100th anniversary: IMAGE

Obverse: monument to Charles Aznavour in Gyumri
Reverse: portrait of Charles Aznavour, the number 100 in the form of stylized musical notes, piano keys and microphone.
Minted in Poland. The coin is worth ֏10,000 ($25).
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International Criminal Court wants to arrest Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu and Defense Minister Gallant, and the Hamas leadership

PROSECUTOR: On the basis of evidence collected and examined by my Office, I have reasonable grounds to believe that Benjamin NETANYAHU, the Prime Minister of Israel, and Yoav GALLANT, the Minister of Defence of Israel, bear criminal responsibility for the following war crimes and crimes against humanity committed on the territory of the State of Palestine (in the Gaza strip) from at least 8 October 2023:
(1) Starvation of civilians as a method of warfare as a war crime
(2) Willfully causing great suffering, or serious injury to body or health
(3) Willful killing, or Murder as a war crime
(4) Intentionally directing attacks against a civilian population as a war crime
(5) Extermination and/or murder, including in the context of deaths caused by starvation, as a crime against humanity;
(6) Persecution as a crime against humanity
(7) Other inhumane acts as crimes against humanity
full statement, official video 4:57, source,

Iran's President Raisi and Foreign Minister Amirabdollahian die in a helicopter crash while returning from a meeting with Ilham Aliyev to inaugurate the opening of a new dam on the Iran-Azerbaijan border

Shortly before the crash:
RAISI: Maybe someone doesn't like our meeting and joint successes with Azerbaijan. It doesn't matter to us. The important thing is that we implement together whatever is in the best interest of our people. The enemies do not want progress in Azerbaijan and Iran, but we believe that any progress in Azerbaijan is our progress, any threat to the borders of both countries will be a loss for both countries.
ALIYEV: Today the world is witnessing how great the friendship is between Azerbaijan and Iran. We support each other in all international structures and will continue to in the future. No one can divide us. //
Memorial services will be held in Yerevan's Blue Mosque on Thursday.
source, source, source, source, source, Kremlin's conspiracists, source, source,

Azerbaijani dissident activist Arif Yunusov about Iran helicopter crash

REPORTER: Will there be radical changes in Iran after the death of Raisi?
YUNUSOV: I doubt it. The real power is in the hands of Khamenei. Now there are reports about his son [replacing him in the future]. As for the internal disturbances caused by opponents, as you know, there are periodic waves in Iran. These protests are sometimes ethnicity-based. If in the past it was Azerbaijanis, today the protests are by Kurds. There is also the youth that's tired of being ruled by religious mullahs. The death of Raisi doesn't change anything in internal or foreign policies. They will just change the President's last name.
REPORTER: I have a feeling Iran will soon blame Israel for the helicopter crash.
YUNUSOV: I have already seen that on Iranian Telegram channels but official Tehran won't rush with that. They will conduct an investigation and conclusions will be made. If Tehran blames Israel, then there must be good evidence for it because credit where credit is due - Iran usually conducts such investigations quite well. If you remember the liquidation of the father of Iran's nuclear weapons, Israel still denies participation but Iran found enough evidence that Israeli agents used the territory of Azerbaijan to infiltrate, carry out the project, and return through Azerbaijan. Let's wait and see the conclusion of the crash investigation. The accusations by Telegram channels and analysts "don't count".

... Arif Yunusov about AM-AZ border delimitation

REPORTER: Is the ongoing Tavush-Gazakh delimitation really a bilateral process, as Baku claims?
YUNUSOV: No. The U.S. is still interested in the delimitation process and influences both parties behind the curtains. There was a high-profile Azerbaijani visit to Washington. Although the official press release didn't share details, we can safely assume they discussed the AM-AZ relations. If this delimitation continues in spite of Russia that means the U.S. is currently a moderator in this process. This is not purely a bilateral process despite Aliyev's efforts to present it that way.
REPORTER: Is the U.S. a guarantor that the delimitation won't end in Tavush?
YUNUSOV: Not a "guarantor" but the U.S. is the force that is really trying to accomplish something and is actually doing something. The full demarcation will last a long time. The main objective of the U.S. at the moment is the signing of an AM-AZ peace agreement. I don't think they'll be able to sign it before November, however.
REPORTER: How is the Azerbaijani public reacting to the border delimitation?
YUNUSOV: Positively. People truly want to have a demarcated border. The Azerbaijani regime often mentioned "Western Azerbaijan" and the return of Azeris there, but in reality, nobody in Azerbaijan took that seriously because they all understood it was an attempt to pressure Armenia. As soon as information came that the border was partially delimited, it was met with a positive response by the public. The Azerbaijani public understands that it's normal for Azerbaijan to gain and lose control of territories during this process, just as we did during the delimitation with other neighbors.
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backstory...
About 2 and a half years ago when I was 17 (I'm now 20) I met my potential partner. he was 19 at the time. We both met because we both had just started the same job at Kroger January 2022. We started talking and I realized how fast he got emotionally attached. After talking for just a day, he needed to be on the phone or texting me 24/7. I knew that was a red flag, but I ignored it. About a week of us talking, I managed to get my own apartment through my friend's name since I was underage.
He helped me move in my apartment one day and a week passed, and he was still there. I told him he needed to go home because I needed some space, but he would get argumentative about it and wouldn't understand. He would leave for a day, then start begging to come back. It became a pattern; I was dealing with this EVERYTIME he came over. I felt as if he as trying to move in with me without saying it. At this point I realized he had no money and got fired from the job we both had just started. He was leaching of me, and I let it happen, I was young and naive. I thought it would be worth it in the end because he always said he would get back on his feet and I was trying to be a good person and help him out. I thought me seeing the good in him was enough.
He ALWAYS complained to me about his family problems and living situation. I felt like he was only telling me this so that I would let him move in with me, and every time I made him go home, something ALWAYS came up on why he needed to come back because of bad situations happening where he lived. he lived with his 3 brothers and younger sister. Their mom basically left them to live her life and left them the house (from what he told me) His oldest brother was 26. Anyways...this whole time I'm a senior in high school and he would just stay at my apartment while I was at school. Texting me 24/7. One day I needed some space, and I told him he had to go home. He went home after having a fit about it. Mind you, he lived around the corner from me.
That same day he had told me he passed out and had to go to the hospital and that he had died and came back to life (lol) and just made-up stories about what happened. Just so I could go get him and let him come over my house. I knew he was lying but I still let him get away with it. (I later found out that he fell and hit his head because he was so high) fast forward, another day I told him to go home, he went home then said he had just got in a shootout. Again, we live around the corner from each other, and I would have heard it (he later admitted that was a lie). A couple months later he started living with me because he kept getting kicked out of the house where he stayed with his brothers (according to him) I put him on to a new job at amazon I just started, and we were fine. He had what he wanted which was me all to himself and living with me.
Fast forward a month I went through his phone because he would sleep with it in his pocket or just very far away from the bed. I saw that he was texting other females in a group chat that he told me were his sisters, but they were his friends. The girls were talking bad about me, calling me ugly, baldhead and encouraging him to put his hands on me. He encouraged it on. I do admit, sometimes I would slap him across his face when we argued because of how frustrated I would get with him and his excuses (I stopped doing that after the first couple months of us dating) and that's why they were encouraging him to put his hands on me (which he did, but at this time it was just really aggressive pushing and head mugging). I found A LOTTT of stuff he was lying to me about in his phone. I even saw messages of him with his brother saying he was using me. I was so upset; I fought his sister the next day. She had been talking about me also since the beginning of our relationship.
Basically, he was jealous of me, so he always talked shit about me to his family and friends even though I was the only one helping him make something of himself. We only broke up for about a month. I was so lonely and at this point attached to him for some weird reason even though I knew I didn't like the type of person he was or how he treated me. Fast forward he ended up getting fired from the next 2 jobs I put him onto, and we were on and off with our relationship. By this time, it was December 2022, and I felt a huge urge to just break up with him and try to do better for myself because he was adding no value to my life. (By this time, I'm 18). My lease had ended, and I decided to go back to my mom's house to save more money. OfCourse that was the time he decided to actually be done with me too, but previously when we would break up, he would beg and beg to come back knowing I was just a place for him to stay.
I ended up getting lonely and started missing him badly. At this point in my life, I was freshly graduated and just used to having him in my adult life because I was pretty much isolated to him our whole relationship. He didn't like me hanging with my friends or making new friends. We were broken up and I was pretty much at my lowest. My car broke down, and my mom kicked me out of her house after asking me to live with her. So, I was living with my friend and her mom. I decided to join the military in May 2023, then me and him got back together. My first day at my duty station, I flew him out to Kansas to see me and paid for him to stay in an Airbnb for a week (he was still broke) when I came to see him at the Airbnb, I saw on Instagram that he commented under some girls' pictures with heart eyes and liked all of their pictures. They would even reply and like all of his pictures so obviously he was in communication with them. He did it the same day I got the Airbnb for us.
Anyways he said it was because me and him got into it and he ended up blocking them. I was dumb and stayed with him, but I got him a ticket back home. He came back again about 2 months later and we planned to get married and wanted a baby together (dumb, I know) He still hadn't had a job, still had no money to his name. So everyday I'm getting up and going to work while he stays in my bed and room all day. A couple weeks later It ended with him putting his hands on me and stabbing me with a pen because he said I had an attitude that morning getting ready for work. I kicked him out and didn't get him a way back home to Cincinnati where we are from. I left him stranded because I was fed up with everything and didn't think I had to because of all the damage he had caused me. By this time its January 2024. I was really done with him. My life got so much brighter and smoother after I left him. I was the happiest I had been since I met him. I went to Puerto Rico for my 20th birthday in March with my friends and was so appreciative because I knew that if I was still with him, I wouldn't have been able to do that.
Anyways just 2 months after living my best life, I make a stupid decision and decided to unblock him. He literally texted my phone about an hour later because he said he texted me every day while he was blocked waiting for me to unblock him. I replied and fell back into the trap. He ended up coming back to Kansas with me by April to stay with me because of stuff going on in Cincinnati where he lived. Its April 2024 (He still has $0 to his name) before him coming back to Kansas with me, he told me he had a job at white castle, I asked where that money was, and he said he didn't know his bank information because his phone had broken. Anyways I gave him my 2nd phone. About a month later I found out that the cousin he said he was living with in Cincinnati wasn't his real cousin. I don't think he was messing with her but basically, it's to my knowledge that the cousin is actually his sister's boyfriend cousin. At this point, I don't know.
He gaslighted me into thinking it wasn't a big deal and that I was overreacting. It just reminded me of the time he lied about those girls being his sisters and how bad that hurt me. I decided to "forgive" him, but I knew that mentally I was done with him and planning a way for him to leave without hurting me. "Playing along" made me forget that I was playing along, and I ended up just actually forgiving him still planning on getting married. We were just waiting for him to get a new social security card because he had lost it. Fast forward a couple weeks later, an old friend that's a male texted me a video of us graduating 2 years ago and I replied "omg we were ugly" he saw that and got FURIOUS. I told him he was like a brother (which he genuinely was but I was trying to be petty because that was his excuse for why he lied about that girl being his cousin)
He starts holding me down on the bed and digging his thumb into my eye. Also, he starts digging and squeezing into my wrist where my pulse is at. He kept saying "but you got so mad at me for calling her my cousin" I was crying and repeatedly kept asking him to let go of me. My roommate heard everything going on and got me out the room and called the MPs (military police) He left and stole my charger. Later that night I get a call from his sister from an unknown caller id because I had blocked her number. I didn't want to hear nothing she had to say because he only ever told lies when he told his side of the story. Anyway, Shes talking to me asking me what's going on. I told her he was putting his hands on me, but it was as if she didn't care. It wasn't a shocker to her. After our phone call, he texted me asking me to get him a ticket back home. I said I didn't have the money to. I know I should of just blocked him and kept it pushing but anyway his sister is asking me to get him a ticket back home also and that she would pay me back in 2 days, but I know that a lie.
My big question here is am I wrong to leave him stranded in Kansas again? Should I get him a ticket back home then wash my hands with him? Or just leave it alone all together and let him figure it out? He is a 22-year-old man.
Anyways I can finally say that I AM DONE. I'm 20 years old now and that "young and naive" shit is out the window. Im proud of myself and ready for this new journey that i am going to stick with.

Okay, this so called guy is a waving red flag. He will decide whether she will come to the said location hangout, he even got jealous of me (I’m a girl, straight), he yells at her when they’re arguing, if he’s mad he sometimes call her names and there are those times that he was saying about the things she was not able to buy him like jollibee lol. And then just when my bestie thought that he’s changing and that their relationship is sailing smoothly, turns out he cheated. One week before her birthday, his parents and him went to their hometown to attend a wedding, he met a girl there, idk how the girl got his socials but according to the guy, the girl is kind of obsessed about him. Anyway, so her bday came, he didn’t have any gift to her as usual for the 4 years of being together she never received any bday gift from him, after 2 days his bday came and she had something for him. 4 days after her bday this guy told her that he will watch something like university meet from other school, they kind of argued since she wanted to meet him that day but he refused to see her even for just a sec, so he slept there, to that municipality, he stayed to his friend’s aunt with his friend ofc, she didn’t talk to him for a few days and he’s mad but he confessed that he cheated, that he’s talking and flirting to diff girls when he’s playing mobile games and thst he actually met someone from the wedding and they planned to meet at the university meet. So they have communication. He said he told the girl that he has a gf after a day of talking but the girl insisted but I don’t think so, but they broke ip already. Anyway the problem here is, idk but my friend is still talking to him. Like she said she doesn’t have any plan to get back with him but the thing is, she unblocked him and met him just because he wanted to talk to her. Whenever he calls she answers the calls and her excuse is they’re not even talking it’s just a call. I told her it will make it difficult for her to move on if she’s still holding unto him but yeah her excuse is that she’s not planning to get back with him anymore but isn’t it cringey that you’d still allow someone who cheated on you to still receive your attention? And it’s like she’s wasting time instead of just moving forward, she’s keeping herself stuck from the past

I am (f) who has now trust issues with (m) 33 Richard for taking advantage of my forgiveness, I had a perfect family nothing happened everything was normal until I noticed my dad wasn’t home usually every night until I asked my mom why my father hasn’t been home at night, she was about to cry trying to tell me that they divorced but didn’t tell me, that night she told me I was balling my eyes out because I know the family wouldn’t be the same without him. After a few weeks, my mom began telling me more information about why they divorced and I started to hate my dad and texted him how I felt about him cheating on my mom again for the 3rd time. But he used that help to pay for the car and apartment I used to live in for us but didn’t bring up anything about my feelings or my siblings, I stopped talking to my dad for a while till I forgave him because my therapist told me just give him one chance, so I did and another few weeks go by I wanted to get my piercing and wanted my dad to take me to go get it to have a bonding and he said sure he will take me when he gets paid, so the day he gets paid I ask if he’s gonna take me to get my piercing now and he said “I have no more money” and I was just okay with it and said when he gets paid again and he agreed, so the next day I asked he says the same thing and I got upset and sad and told my mom about it, she said when she gets the money since we were struggling financially but I was a young teen at the time and couldn’t get a job so I agreed and waited happily. Out of nowhere, my mom took me to a Tattoo shop that can also piece and we went inside together I was happily picking where the piercing I want but as days go by I finally decided to go and spend time with my dad and his girlfriend, they were nice in all but the girlfriend didn’t have a job and have 7 kids from getting them from her narcissistic boyfriend, as my dad told me to be nice he also grabbed my head poking my piercing trying to show it to his girlfriend and I was in pain but didn’t wanna be mean so I just kept my mouth shut until my dad was cooking food and I notice mushrooms on the burger and I told him about it and he said they like mushrooms and I told him to be careful because he can die from them. Once I got my food I tried to talk to the kids but got awkward and walked outside to talk to my dad again till we had to go home but his girlfriend was all over him and I got uncomfortable. I don’t like seeing another girl all over my dad because I hate to see my dad liking it while he leaves his other family depressed. After another few months passed I got into high school it was so stressful since my mental health wasn’t okay and haven’t gotten good grades until the middle of the school year. When I got home I was helping my cousin wash her clothes at my house since they don’t have any washers and dryers these three teens 1 male and 2 female were walking as I was going in the house I got a call from my cousin me 3 minutes later about fighting because they called my cousin “hoe” “cheap girl” for not wearing shoes and I brought my sister to her as I run where they live and arguing and yelling about what happened and I got in the car with my cousin since my mom got home at that time, I found the guys and girl insta I gave them a warning about talking about my cousin and the mom comes running to my dad cursing at him about the text and he got mad at me for it but also again my mom heard and backed me up and asked for my phone so I give it to my mom and read it and my mom told my dad “you're the reason your gf family moved here” he was mad and stormed off and kept reading it and I was talking to her but my dad sister was listening and laughing at my dad but had our back. They wouldn’t stop being mean to my cousin until I brought up to them again about jumping them to scare them off so the mom wants to get the police involved and the police don’t help them not even a few weeks later he gets his gf pregnant and I was furious talking shit about my dad to my ex-girlfriend and crying my eyes out again because he betrayed us. I texted him how I felt again and he brought up that he paid for my mom's car I got mad and blocked him but unblocked him since my mom told me to call him about something. Now everything is getting The baby gave birth a few months early because the sack thing in her wasn’t breathing I don’t know about pregnancy so now my dad has been making excuses that he’s at the hospital with his gf and the baby lying he was about to pick us up and my brother from his hour-long game and I texted him again saying “You can’t even show up to pick us up being by a deadbeat side the whole time, All this wouldn’t happen if you didn’t cheat again and get another girl pregnant you wouldn’t have to be bitching about child support for us” I blocked him and started crying because I don’t know what to do anymore all I wanted to do is cry but it wouldn’t help but make it worse then he trys to force his newborn to meet me and my siblings rubbing it in our face about his kids when he picks us up, so AITAH for trying to cut contact?

last october, my friends and i had a boy in a few of our classes who we thought he was pretty cute, but he had recently moved schools. we werent sure if he had a girlfriend at the time, but none of us wanted to dm him ourselves to ask in case he did (because that would he embarrassing,) so we came up with a plan to create a quick fake account on insta and message him to find out if he was talking to anybody. we named her louisa and it took about a week after creating the account for us to message him, because we spent time gaining followers and taking pictures from pinterest to post to make sure we looked believable. we also chose our bio, pics, etc based off what we thought the boy would like (i.e. choosing pics of hispanic girls because we knew that was his type, posting pics of motorcycle stuff that we knew he was into it, etc.) we acted as if she was a new student at the school we were at, to make sure he wouldnt get suspicious over the fact that he didnt know who she was. after all the planning was done, we started dming him. he responded and we consistently talked for a few weeks. at first we just wanted to find out whether or not he was available, which we did after the first couple days of talking, but then he started initiating conversations, opening up to us, talking about life, etc. and he even tried to plan multiple different meet ups, to which we evaded each time. he started dropping signs that he was really into girl we had created, posting on his notes and story about us and stuff like that. eventually, we didnt want him to get to attached so we made up a story about how we had to temporarily move to away to california because our grandpa was sick and dying. we planned to just ghost him after this. he said he understood, and later that day posted a note on his story saying he was missing us. at this point we had been talking to him for a few months on this account and decided we needed to cut him off harshly so he wouldnt be hung up on us any longer, so we posted a "happy anniversary" to our long term californian girlfriend on our close friends story later that evening. then, we went onto one of our (real) personal accounts and sent him a screenshot of the story, and sent him a message like "hey arent you and this girl talking? just thought you should see this.." he asked if it was just her friend, so i told him it was her girlfriend-girlfriend, and after hearing this, he messaged louisa again asking her about it, so we told him that us and her had been on a break, but after going back to california we reconnected with her and got back together. he told us to stop talking to him because that wouldnt be fair to our gf, then blocked us. about a week later, he posted a picture with the location set to california and the caption saying "missing you, L." we originally saw the post on our real accounts, but switched over to louisas and discovered he had unblocked the account. for shits and giggles we decided to message him on the accunt asking if the post was about us. he denied it, and we got into a small fight over it which resulted in him blocking us again. we shouldve stopped there, but later that day we made another fake account pretendjng to be louisa's girlfriend, valerie. we didnt spend much time on trying to make it believable and instead just went straight into dming him, telling him to stay away and to stop posting about our gf. he called valerie crazy and blocked her as well. a few days later we discovered he had changed the caption and location on that post. so that was that. but fast forward to april of this year, we decided to dm him again apologizing for everything.m that happened with valerie. he said he didnt remember us at first, but eventually said that he forgave us and asked to meet up later that day at our towns fair. we agreed and told him to look for a girl in a purple crop top and jean shorts (a random outfit) because at this point he had never seen a picture of louisa's face because we only ever posted faceless pics on the account. obviously louisa never showed up too greet him, but we did stand near the spot we told him to meet her at, and watched him and his friends look around for her for probably about 10 minutes. we eventually messaged him saying we couldnt find him and we were leaving. that same night we got drunk and got careless with the account, we tried to call him, and sent him a random face pic on insta after he complained about having never seen a face pic before. he didnt fully believe the pic was real but let it slide either way. finally, we apologized again and he accepted it, and we havent messaged on the account since.

I've been in love with this woman(X) since I was 14 or 15. I'm 26 now. Nearly 10 or 11 years later. We've been close friends on and off througout these years. On and off because I keep trying to cut ties(which I fail to keep cut because I just end up talking to her again). I did it once in high school when she got a boyfriend and then started talking to her again when they broke up, but I never had the balls to ask her out the rest of high school, and finally when it ended I tried cutting ties again before I left for uni(thought it'd be for good this time because we were going to different states, more than 10 hours away from each other). Things were going okay in uni, in my first year, and I found someone else(Y) that I liked, she had a boyfriend(long distance) so I wasn't hitting on her but l'm pretty sure she knew I liked her. We got really close in the first few months of uni, one day she asks me if i like her and I said yes, after which we stopped talking which really fucking hurt because I thought we were close friends. Right after that happened I started texting X again and it was like we never stopped talking. I got caught for weed at my dorm one night and while I was flipping out about being kicked out of the dorm and my parents finding out, she calls me up and one of the worst nights of my life turned out to be the best, and I guess that's when I realized I'm might still be in love with her. And I confirmed I was in love with her when one of our mutual friends told me that she told him that she liked me at some point in high school. But I didn't wanna admit it or tell her because I saw no point since we were 10 hours apart which just made me feel like absolute shit. Prior to college, till shit went south with Y, I'd never smoked(cigs or weed) or drank and was completely against it. One night I decided to get wasted(it was my first time getting drunk, and the last tbh for another 2 years) and since I didnt know any better I had 8 or 9 shots of whiskey back to back after which I got pretty fucked up and out of control and I ended up texting her admitting how I felt in I think a fucking 3 page essay to which I got no response which made me feel like absolute dogshit and I ended up crying the entire night at my friend's place. Next day I was still feeling like shit and I was at another friend's place smoking up and still crying about it to him and he just picks up my phone and calls her up and asks her to talk to me and she tells me she doesn't feel the same which broke me. After that conversation I just decided to just say fuck it, and fuck up my life, and I was just getting high on weed, alcohol or some other substance every day for the next 4 years. I barely attended uni, managed to get a year back. Pretty much wasted 5 years of my life just getting high or drunk. Anyways after that conversation with X, I stopped talking to her till I think my third year of uni. I met her once in twice in between, once when we were both back at our hometown, and once when she came to score some weed with her boyfriend (yeah I was also a dealer in uni). When I got into my 3rd year of uni, one day she hits me up outta nowhere and she said she's coming over to stay with me, and she stayed for like 2 days. I didnt make a move because I am a fucking dumbass, and I thought she just came there because we were friends. I call myself a dumbass because I do not understand signals from women. I'm also calling myself a dumbass because me and X ended up making out last year and she told me that she's wanted to do this for a while and when I asked her when she told me it whenever she came over to stay with me(which happened like 2 times). And the thing is, we made out after not talking to each other for nearly 3 years. After my uni I decided to completely cut ties with her because I knew that I was fucking up my life and one of the main reasons, there were plenty tbh, that were much worse than a girl not liking me but none of that mattered really because I honestly haven't cared about anything or anyone as much as I cared about her and I didnt know how to get her to like me. At the time I even thought it was all her fault(because it's definitely easier to blame someone else for the shit that goes wrong in your life than to admit that you're the fucking problem) and so one night I just sent her this huge message telling her to get the fuck out if my life and how she has ruined it and blocked her. After this I decided to quit smoking weed every day and isolated myself for a good 6 months(well not really by choice, I decided to move to my uncle's house during covid, and he wouldn't let me out because he was scared of getting infected). After the 6 months I went back to my hometown and I meet her the day after I landed(cuz we have mutual friends) and she asked me if i blocked her and I said yeah. We ended up meeting again a couple of times because we pretty much have the same friends, which didn't help me get over her so I just decided to cut out all my friends for like 2 years. And honestly speaking I got my shit together in those 2 years. Now I've never been someone with a lot of confidence my whole life. I've been an addict with no self control. Addicted to different substances, food, porn, cigarettes, just being an absolute waste man. Throughout high-school I was a fatass ugly fucker. I got attractive in uni cuz I smoked weed and lost a fuck ton of weight, I was attractive on the outside but a piece of shit on the inside(I knew it, but no one else really did)so getting attractive really didn't help my confidence a bit. In the last 2 years I finally got my shit together, got over almost all my addictions(smoking was my main, now it's porn, trying to get over it now) started going to the gym regularly and felt happy about myself, and I decided to start talking to my old friends and unblocked X because I finally realized it's not her fault that shit went wrong in my life, but my own which i didn't really admit to her cuz I had too much ego. I didn't even start talking to her, I just unblocked her and started following her socials. We ended up meeting because of our mutual friends, and the second time we met, we got super drunk, and we both started apologizing to each other. Later that night she made a move on me and we made out for a bit. Now I've hooked up with other people, but I've always felt like shit about it because it just never felt good. But I can't forget this fucking night, like it's etched in my fucking memory unlike most things because I have a shit memory. Honestly I forget most things that happen in my life except for moments i spend with her. Thing is I didn't wanna pursue it any further because I was leaving the country to pursue my passion (which didn't work out and I returned back home) and now I feel like it's too late to pursue it, because I don't think she's interested. I don't wanna tell her how I feel either because I've done this before and it's never worked out. I used to keep making excuses about being single to everyone by telling people that i don't have the opportunity to meet a lot of women after college(partially true), but now at my new job I meet plenty of women but I'm not interested in any of them because I know deep down I'm still in love with X. I don't think I can fall in love with anyone else and honestly I don't know what the fuck to do at this point. Worst part is life is going great at this point after being down in the dumps for so long. Got a decent job that I actually like going to, got great friends, have a lot of control over myself, but I still don't feel any happier because I'm not with her. Can't even tell this to anyone cuz our mutual friends think I'm over her, and don't know anything that happened between us. And my other friends just don't support me liking her so I just tell them I don't like her anymore.

Idk if this belongs here. If there's a more suitable page, please let me know.
Basically, nothing I ever do is enough. I babysit my sister 3 days a week, from 8am to 8pm. She in herself is another whole issue, but that's due to my mother's coddling, no doubt. During this time, I need to get my sister ready for school, drop her off, pick her up, do a variety of chores (dishwasher is all that she says, but she complains if the floors arent clean and the washing is piled up, so basically i try to do every possibke chore), make dinner for everyone, and feed our outdoor pet.
I don't mind this. My mum works hard. But when she comes home she complains about EVERYTHING. If my sister made a mess of something and I hadn't noticed it, if my sister touched the walls with greasy hands, if my shoes were in front of the door after I went out to feed the pet that her and my little sister got before i even knew. Like nothing is good enough. She's constantly bitching about my sisters, which makes me anxious to do the same. When I'm around her I don't dare grab a coke, snack, or make pasta, because she's constantly dogging on them for this.
One of the worst parts is how she claims she's blunt but everything feels passive aggressive. She will address it to my little sister like "Oh what have I told you about doing this, where's your this, hope you haven't been on that TV all day, what did you eat, oh baby let me go get you another drink." Her tone just screams that she's talking to me. Like, I'm sorry your kid is a literal demon. Idk what happened after I left for university, but my sister was lovely and silly, and she adored me, used to want to be me, and now she's horrifying. "If you don't do this, I'll tell Mum lies about you. If you don't, then you'll ruin my childhood, I love mum and my other sisters more than you."
Besides, nothing is good enough for my mother, I'm perfect. On social media, I'm the best daughter, I'm so smart, and she's so proud, and I'm so beautiful. She wonders why I have no self-worth? Because I've never heard those things to my face. I hear her tell me I have a good figure, but never without hearing, "You don't want to be like your sister. She's too skinny." Oh, I have a nice face? Only because my sister is so punchable.
She reminds me every day that she's a great mother. I'll say well you can be a bit this or that, and she has an excuse for everything." Why you do it doesn't matter. If it hurts, it hurts. What's the point in parenting if the child doesn't find it effective.
I recently told her I think I might have something not quite right with me. A lot of people (mostly AuDHD) say they think I'm autistic or have adhd, and I've thought that for a long time. I have a lot of issues, I wouldn't be surprised if it's just a mixture of many of them that just seems like autism or adhd. Basically, my mother said it's a trend right now and an excuse to be lazy. It was really giving "were all depressed, just stop being a lazy victim" vibes. She also told me I was too normal as a child and refutes all the instances of me being strange. Like when I had a no talking phase, when I told all my friends I didn't like them because they were too hard to talk to, when I cried to my mum basically explaining alexithymia to her because I didn't feel the emotions I expressed, all my various sensory issues I still have to this day that she said we're typical kid behaviour. It's all only gotten worse from there. I feel completely not normal, like I can't explain it. I also have a lot of issues with sounding monotone. Sometimes, I feel like I'm "dropping the act." From a young age, I've always been told off about my tone. If I'm angry, I better not sound it, if I'm sad, if I'm pissed off. I'm always lectured about my tone, but she sounds like she's making passive-aggressive jabs at me all the time, and that's fine.
There's so much more, like so much more. A lot of things she would say never happened. Like how she let my abusive bf take drugs to a holiday and kind of peer pressuring me to do them (I got SAd while I was sleeping that night by him). She said the whole time she didn't like him but didn't tell me in case I got upset. Or that time when I was getting pressured by my bf at 13, and she thought something was going on and just told me if I'm going to do anything I should just ask her for condoms instead of being an idiot. Reading this back, holy shit. One time she was crying and I went to give her a hug and she shooed me away and told me to leave her alone, and then seconds later my sisters aunt did the same thing and she broke down to her even more and hugging her. I was her emotional support child, btw, so obviously, this crushed me as that felt like my only value to her.
But yeah, there's so much idk how to even get into it all. So it probably doesn't seem so bad because this is probably typical parent behaviour. Also, yes, she is a single mother, and I'm grateful, but she has never said sorry to me. Never. It's always sorry you feel that way, but you're dramatic, victimising yourself, lazy, you'll thank me later. Like, no, I won't. Later you'll be estranged. She also has it in my head that no man is good. She keeps warning me of my bf, who yes is a pos sometimes, but better than a druggy rpist? I'd fricking say so, yeah. I tried to OD after breaking up with him. She doesn't even know because if I told her, she'd say I'm stupid and selfish. She also gets annoyed when I unblock my bf (as I broke up with him) to work things out. We're in a hard place, and I'm having complex emotions, and she just wants me to block him and spend time with family and study well. Like, let me grieve, jeez. She also tells me him mother is a psycho jealous bitch and his dad is a pdo. Like excuse me? You met them once, and know nothing about them.
I'm just writing this because I woke up to her complaining about a single cup and some pans that were left out last night (since the dishwasher was on) and saying how it's unfair as she wakes up early and has to deal with it. Why didn't you deal with it by cleaning it if it bothered you? Instead you wait till people are awake to criticise it and make them feel bad. Like we always do the dishwasher, that's one of my babysitting chores. Just ask me to do it nicely when I wake up, why all the backhanded comments and sparky remarks? Just communicate, you're 45, get a grip. She feigns perfection constantly and paints us as a perfect family when one child has cptsd, one has anxiety, I got a shit tonne of issues, and my little sister is an absolute entitled brat who will cry and scream and threaten if not given her way. Literally my sister said she would tell lies about me because I told her to wipe her own ass because I had chores to do (she's 8) and she said my mother would do it and that's why she doesn't love me. I want out of this house, but my mum will fault me for not babysitting as it costs money, and I do it for free.
Ask any questions you'd like. I understand there's not much to go off of, I'm happy to elaborate as I really need to vent I can't lie.

I've been in love with this girl(X) since I was 14 or 15. I'm 26 now. Nearly 10 or 11 years later. We've been close friends on and off througout these years. On and off because I keep trying to cut ties(which I fail to keep cut because I just end up talking to her again). I did it once in high school when she got a boyfriend and then started talking to her again when they broke up, but I never had the balls to ask her out the rest of high school, and finally when it ended I tried cutting ties again before I left for uni(thought it'd be for good this time because we were going to different states, more than 10 hours away from each other). Things were going okay in uni, in my first year, and I found someone else(Y) that I liked, she had a boyfriend(long distance) so I wasn't hitting on her but l'm pretty sure she knew I liked her. We got really close in the first few months of uni, one day she asks me if i like her and I said yes, after which we stopped talking which really fucking hurt because I thought we were close friends. Right after that happened I started texting X again and it was like we never stopped talking. I got caught for weed at my dorm one night and while I was flipping out about being kicked out of the dorm and my parents finding out, she calls me up and one of the worst nights of my life turned out to be the best, and I guess that's when I realized I'm might still be in love with her. And I confirmed I was in love with her when one of our mutual friends told me that she told him that she liked me at some point in high school. But I didn't wanna admit it or tell her because I saw no point since we were 10 hours apart which just made me feel like absolute shit. Prior to college, till shit went south with Y, I'd never smoked(cigs or weed) or drank and was completely against it. One night I decided to get wasted(it was my first time getting drunk, and the last tbh for another 2 years) and since I didnt know any better I had 8 or 9 shots of whiskey back to back after which I got pretty fucked up and out of control and I ended up texting her admitting how I felt in I think a fucking 3 page essay to which I got no response which made me feel like absolute dogshit and I ended up crying the entire night at my friend's place. Next day I was still feeling like shit and I was at another friend's place smoking up and still crying about it to him and he just picks up my phone and calls her up and asks her to talk to me and she tells me she doesn't feel the same which broke me. After that conversation I just decided to just say fuck it, and fuck up my life, and I was just getting high on weed, alcohol or some other substance every day for the next 4 years. I barely attended uni, managed to get a year back. Pretty much wasted 5 years of my life just getting high or drunk. Anyways after that conversation with X, I stopped talking to her till I think my third year of uni. I met her once in twice in between, once when we were both back at our hometown, and once when she came to score some weed with her boyfriend (yeah I was also a dealer in uni). When I got into my 3rd year of uni, one day she hits me up outta nowhere and she said she's coming over to stay with me, and she stayed for like 2 days. I didnt make a move because I am a fucking dumbass, and I thought she just came there because we were friends. I call myself a dumbass because I do not understand signals from women. I'm also calling myself a dumbass because me and X ended up making out last year and she told me that she's wanted to do this for a while and when I asked her when she told me it whenever she came over to stay with me(which happened like 2 times). And the thing is, we made out after not talking to each other for nearly 3 years. After my uni I decided to completely cut ties with her because I knew that I was fucking up my life and one of the main reasons, there were plenty tbh, that were much worse than a girl not liking me but none of that mattered really because I honestly haven't cared about anything or anyone as much as I cared about her and I didnt know how to get her to like me. At the time I even thought it was all her fault(because it's definitely easier to blame someone else for the shit that goes wrong in your life than to admit that you're the fucking problem) and so one night I just sent her this huge message telling her to get the fuck out if my life and how she has ruined it and blocked her. After this I decided to quit smoking weed every day and isolated myself for a good 6 months(well not really by choice, I decided to move to my uncle's house during covid, and he wouldn't let me out because he was scared of getting infected). After the 6 months I went back to my hometown and I meet her the day after I landed(cuz we have mutual friends) and she asked me if i blocked her and I said yeah. We ended up meeting again a couple of times because we pretty much have the same friends, which didn't help me get over her so I just decided to cut out all my friends for like 2 years. And honestly speaking I got my shit together in those 2 years. Now I've never been someone with a lot of confidence my whole life. I've been an addict with no self control. Addicted to different substances, food, porn, cigarettes, just being an absolute waste man. Throughout high-school I was a fatass ugly fucker. I got attractive in uni cuz I smoked weed and lost a fuck ton of weight, I was attractive on the outside but a piece of shit on the inside(I knew it, but no one else really did)so getting attractive really didn't help my confidence a bit. In the last 2 years I finally got my shit together, got over almost all my addictions(smoking was my main, now it's porn, trying to get over it now) started going to the gym regularly and felt happy about myself, and I decided to start talking to my old friends and unblocked X because I finally realized it's not her fault that shit went wrong in my life, but my own which i didn't really admit to her cuz I had too much ego. I didn't even start talking to her, I just unblocked her and started following her socials. We ended up meeting because of our mutual friends, and the second time we met, we got super drunk, and we both started apologizing to each other. Later that night she made a move on me and we made out for a bit. Now I've hooked up with other people, but I've always felt like shit about it because it just never felt good. But I can't forget this fucking night, like it's etched in my fucking memory unlike most things because I have a shit memory. Honestly I forget most things that happen in my life except for moments i spend with her. Thing is I didn't wanna pursue it any further because I was leaving the country to pursue my passion (which didn't work out and I returned back home) and now I feel like it's too late to pursue it, because I don't think she's interested. I don't wanna tell her how I feel either because I've done this before and it's never worked out. I used to keep making excuses about being single to everyone by telling people that i don't have the opportunity to meet a lot of women after college(partially true), but now at my new job I meet plenty of women but I'm not interested in any of them because I know deep down I'm still in love with X. I don't think I can fall in love with anyone else and honestly I don't know what the fuck to do at this point. Worst part is life is going great at this point after being down in the dumps for so long. Got a decent job that I actually like going to, got great friends, have a lot of control over myself, but I still don't feel any happier because I'm not with her.

I’m a 15yr female Freshmen and have a crush on a guy even though I have a boyfriend. I know it sounds wrong, because it is, but I’ll explain further. Over this past year I have started developing feelings for a guy in my 6th period World cultures class. I’m just gonna use his initial, F. F is 15 turning 16 this summer and is the class clown. He’s so cute and in the beginning of the school year we would make eye contact a lot. He has messy blonde hair, which he’s always fixing in class, and two pretty blue eyes I love to get lost in. He’s so funny and though I was going to switch from World cultures in my 2nd quarter I chose not to just because of F being in there. In December I got his snap from my friend A and started trying to befriend him. I admired him a lot cause I was supper shy and seeing him just be himself was fun and wanted me to try and loosen up more. I swear he would walk into class and the room would brighten up. Whenever he gets embarrassed he hides his face in his hoodie and keeps that stupid ADORABLE smile on his face! In February I Gifted him a valentine to show my appreciation for him being such a nice guy and he was sweet about it. But then apparently this girl named Kate who he was talking(?) to at the time found out. And she hated me after. I didn’t know of this yet but her friends would sit by my locker eat day and when I went to go get my stuff from it they would make fun of me. I felt so upset cause I really have a hard time with my insecurities and Since I’m sensitive and would cry often because of it. I eventually just decided to just carry around the extra pound of stuff in my bag every day so I wouldn’t pass them. Then out of the blue F had blocked me. I felt so hurt and upset because he was the first friend I ever made by myself and I really valued him as a person in my life. I spent the week in tears and it didn’t make it better that he would then stare at me in class, almost like he was waiting to see how I would react to it. A week later I contact him on titkok and tell him that I was sorry if I made him uncomfortable and that I could switch classes if nessasary(due to my 504 i would’ve been granted permission to do so) He replied that I did nothing wrong and it was just he started talking to someone and they had him block me. I wished him luck on a concert he had coming up and then left him completely alone for days because I just couldn’t face him. I didn’t know what I had done to his girl but I felt so guilty I would get sick, I have a pretty weak stomach, I would throw up in the bathroom and cry a lot throughout the weeks. What made it worse is that my friend Z had at the time recently passed away, and since F was one of my favourite ppl to talk to that I trusted I was even more upset that I couldn’t talk to him. Then two weeks later as I’m finally trying to get over it Mr F unblocks me, throughout that whole week his friends had been snapping me stuff about how Felix was upset and wanted to unblock me but was afraid to(which I don’t understand it’s not like I bite). When he did it was a Thursday and he had a school concert I watched. He was on electric guitar. It was firefly’s by owl city, aka one of my fav songs. I loved watching him play, I was happy as a puppy😁 but then when I went to the bathroom to check my hair, my ex friend Madi came in. She asked if I liked him and I just got flustered. She then said he had said he liked her so it didn’t matter and she might say yes to him. I was confused because I had JUST been blocked because of his last talking stage! So how would he have also recently confessed to Madi? I go in 6th period and walk right up to him, I was a bit nervous cause I had to look up higher to meet his gaze. I asked if he had recently told Madi he had a crush on her in the past 2-3 weeks and he looks me in the eye and says no. I said “alr thanks“ and went back to talk to my friend. Either him or mad was lying, and I assumed madi but then oohhhhh then after school he admitted to confessing to her. It's 3:00am(quiet literally) and I'm at 10 percent, this is part one but I'll complete the rest tomorrow

The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after he asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/OddDot5178 in AITAH
trigger warnings: possible transphobia, possible mental health issues, manipulation
​
NOTE: Because everyone will wonder, I am addressing this right now. While OOP's child identifies as non-binary, she uses "she/her" pronouns and presents as a female. This is why OOP refers to her as her daughter.

AITAH For Not Wanting To Raise My NB Daughter's Baby? - Feb 7, 2024
My daughter came to me at 16 and said she was non-binary, but only sometimes. Like, some days she would feel more male than female and some days she would feel like neither. She wanted me to ask her every day what day it was and then refer to her as that pronoun of the day.
I told her that wasn’t going to fly. Growing up, I spent a lot of time on LJ (Livejournal) during the ol’ ‘bun-self’ and ‘zen-self’ ‘zir-self’ days. People who think this is new to this generation are fooling themselves. I told her that I would call her the pronoun she wanted, and do my best to remember it day to day, but she was going to have to tell me what she wanted for that day. I wasn’t going to play a daily guessing game.
This went on for about a week or two until she finally seemed to grow tired or bored and just said I could call her ‘her’. Though she still identifies as non-binary. Fine. (At least when it was going on she wanted ‘she, he, or they’ — I’m sorry but I couldn’t have done fox-self/fox-them with a straight face).
So that’s the pronoun story and looking back where I think things started to go off the handle. Here’s my real question.
My daughter is now 18, pregnant, and seems to have lost her god damned mind. Or I’m an asshole. You choose.
This year has been a struggle. She wanted to take a break year before she goes to community college, but can’t keep a job. Apparently, retail situations are too phobic against her non-binary state. (My child looks/acts/dresses exactly as a young adult female btw. When I ask how people are being phobic against her, she gets as prickly as a cactus so I really don’t know the details.). She’s been through 4 or 5 jobs this year, quit all of them. She won’t consider call centers that aren’t face to face because she doesn’t like to talk on phones, and is apparently looking for a remote job without any luck.
She’s been unemployed since Thanksgiving (she quit her last job on Black Friday, in fact) and I was on the verge of laying down the law, telling her she either needs to go to school this upcoming semester full time or get a full time job or move out with her friends.
But now she’s come to me and she’s 5 months pregnant. She’s very angry at me, says it’s my fault because:

• I didn’t put her on puberty-blocking hormones when she came to me 2 years ago.
• She believes I am in fact trying to ‘feminize her’ by getting her birth control. (The pill.). She’s been throwing her prescription away.

This is where I might be the asshole. I called her a little idiot. We don’t use that sort of language in my house, and I never call people names — especially my own child — but at that moment I could just see red.
The hormone thing is a non-issue IMO because this is the first time I ever heard of her wanting hormones. What was I supposed to do? Go back in time?
As for the birth control! It’s also the first time I’m hearing anything about this! There are non-pill options that don’t have estrogen. If that was her want, all she had to do was ask and I would have driven her to the doctor myself! Or she could have taken the car she has and done it. She has her own medical card, even! Though to be fair, I don’t know how she would have managed the co-pay without a job. I know for a fact her old high school gave out free condoms like candy because her friends were always giggling over flavored sample packs and even blew a few of them up like balloons and left them around the house one time. She had all the birth control she could ever want and used none of it.
It gets worse.
We’re way past the date of abortion (again, I would have helped her if this had been her wish! We live in an abortion protected state and can afford it!). She’s known she was pregnant since about 2 months and has come to think of her baby like a sibling. She expects me to raise it like it was mine. That this is my duty, in fact, because she says it is my refusal to accept her non-binary state that led to her being pregnant. So she was going to get a brother or sister and I was going to have another child.
You can say my language grew … sterner to versions of ‘Get your head out of your ass’ and ‘Congratulations, mommy, you have some hard decisions to make’, and I said I would absolutely not raise her baby for her.
She also refused to say who the father was. Now that I’ve cooled down, I’m really hoping she has a secret boyfriend. She does have some friends who were born male, but now also don’t identify that way. We didn’t even get there as I lost my mind when she said she thinks of her own baby as a sibling and wants me to raise it like my own child.
She’s locked herself in her room loudly wailing, I feel like crap warmed over. She’s been in there for 12 hours, and as she has an attached bathroom, probably won’t be coming out until she gets hungry. Considering it’s been half a day I think she has snacks stored.
I also don’t know where to go from here. Being pregnant sucks and messes with your head, so I’d like to blame that and the fear she must be feeling, but … I have the bad feeling I either raised a spoiled brat or someone with an emerging personality disorder.
So I need to know from people who aren’t emotionally involved, and maybe some people who are more in tune with this whole nonbinary thing than I am.
What do I do to help while also making her responsible for her own child? How can I help my daughter accept she must do basically the most feminine thing you can do (give birth and possibly breast-feed) while being sensitive that she’s non-binary? Am I just a big asshole here?
Typing all this out it feels like my daughter is lost in crazy town. I'm still not raising her baby but at what point do I drag a legal adult to the hospital?
Edit: You might disagree with my choices or wording, but I'm reporting people who call this bait. It's not.
Edit2: It's the middle of the night and she has decided to pack some of her clothes and stay with one of her friends. (One who I suspect is the baby daddy). Before she left she told me that she already called the police and let them know that she was 'leaving of her own free will and was not in danger'. Like I was going to report an 18 year old adult as a runaway or something? It was insulting.
I told her she needs to work out details if she wants to adopt with the father, and she was welcome back home when she had a plan in place.
It was short because I heard her on the way out. I think she just meant to leave without saying anything.
Thank you for your kind comments and advice, Reddit. I'm going to sleep.
Commenters agreed that OOP's child wasn't thinking straight:
Comment 1:
NTA.
I hate to say this, but; I sincerely hope OP's daughter chooses to give up this baby for adoption, because she's a confused hot ass mess. I don't blame OP for not wanting to step on the crazy train and raise this baby.
Comment 2:
Let’s be honest: If OP says yes to raising this child as her own, it will be the first of several. Daughter won’t take BC, so she will continue to have unprotected sex and get pregnant. She decided a couple years ago that she’s NB, expected her mother to understand that and know everything about it, and is now rewriting history to blame her mom for her now being pregnant. My head is swimming, and she’s not my daughter! There will be more babies.
Comment 3:
NB here OP.
You are SO NTA. I feel sympathy for your kid because they sound like they are so confused, maybe have body dysphoria and are now facing a life altering situation with no way out. They must feel so trapped. So they turn on you. It's easier for them to yell at and blame you instead of accepting responsibility. They are looking for a way out. We all keep changing and growing and your kid is SO young they seem to not know who they are yet and now they have to face looking after a baby when they know deep down they can't even really take care of themselves.
But my GOD the thing they did that was really stupid was chucking BC away. That is actually wild. Your kid needs to learn the difference between gender enforced stereotypes and actual biology. With biology it unfortunately doesn't matter what gender you are, the biology doesn't care, it still works the same. They NEED to learn that and differentiate.
Like I said, NTA OP. What a shit situation. I hope it gets better. I really do.
Comment 4:
NTA, your child is in fact a little idiot, with behavior that would be an absolute nightmare had you not been their parent. Also birth control isn’t a form of feminization, it’s a form of responsibility when you’re born in a body with a uterus and want to have sex that can result in pregnancy.
OOP's response:
Ugh, I wish I had those words when she hit me with that one. I sort of sputtered for a few minutes.
Comment 5:
Oh man, this is a can of worms within itself.
I wish I had better advice but just...I feel for you and the position you are stuck in.
The ONLY thing I can think of is, referring to breast feeding as "chest feeding" might make your NB daughter accept it more.
But like...there's a whole other level of things you need to get through first.
First and foremost, therapy, ASAP for your kid. Because she needs to get her head sorted out. Assuming you will just take this kid and raise it for her is...problematic to say the least. And she's got a deadline coming obviously, so therapy ASAP.
Also appointment for pregnancy checkups asap!! Has she had any? An unmonitored pregnancy can lead to complications
You might also be able to get her a social worker to go through pregnancy checkups, birthing extra.
Your kid needs a big sit down conversation about accountability for your own actions. And about how she might feel like part of YOUR actions lead to this, there was also many many choices she could have made to prevent this, that she chose not too. And at the end of the day, it was HER choices that led to this, not you.
OOP's response:
Thanks for this tip. I've written it down. The reason I mentioned she was NB because using 'breast' instead of 'chest' is the exact type of thing to send her into a pissy-fit when she's in the wrong mood. I know this may sound like a little thing, but she's always been... well, dramatic.
Because it's the internet and things are anonymous I'll admit that I am absolutely dreading pregnancy and afterbirth mood swings. Especially since it will all involve very womanly things in every intimate way. On top of the sheer stress of a newborn? Yes, I'm not looking forward to it at all and am already preparing to endure the storms.
Our conversation wasn't productive (it was an argument and she's still not out of her room) but I don't think she has had any prenatal care. That will change if I have anything to do with it.
Thanks again.
OOP commented with some of her concerns:
Yes. My worry and regret have so many places to go and a big part of it is for the baby.
This has been a bad day. :(
Responding to a comment regarding her child's entitled attitude:
Oh believe you me I have been kicking myself up and down on top of everything else. I don't know how she got to this point, but she's there now.
I wish I did have that time travel machine she clearly expects me to have.
She also clarified her overall views on the matter:
I'm on the fence. If she acted at all like she didn't have a gender (I believe that's what NB is) then I could take it more seriously. But she dresses as a woman. She puts on makeup, wears dresses during the summer, enjoys feminine things? We watch horse videos on youtube and squeal over the new foal videos. She's never been a tom boy, even.
But I was like, okay this isn't hurting her. I'll let her have this and express herself. Maybe it'll turn into something, maybe it won't. And after the first few weeks, she even dropped changing pronouns every day.
Her mentioning being NB faded and then started up hard again when high school ended and she started working retail.
I try to be understanding. Retail is hell and I'd personally only work it again if I was at my last resort. But recently it does seem to be an excuse not to work. And now she has a baby on the way.
This may not be the place for it, but I'm just worried she's regressing to a more child-like state. I don't know if she's struggling with being NB or if she's using NB as an excuse to shield herself from the world. Ugh. I guess the internet won't know, but I'm just flat out worried.
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AITAH has no consensus bot but the comments were largely NTA.
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Update: My NB Daughter Wants Me To Raise Her Baby - Feb 17, 2024
Hi,
This is an update to this post (Long story short my 18 year old NB daughter wanted me to raise her baby, and she told me she thinks the baby as her sibling. We had a blow-out, she locked herself in her room for most of a day, and then took off with her friends/her lover)
So this happened a few days ago but I didn’t update because I needed to get my head around it. It still doesn’t make sense.
Daughter finally unblocked me. She and the person who got her pregnant wanted to talk to me at a public place. We chose iHop.
Although I suspected I knew who her lover was, I was disappointed to find out because they have been a part of my daughter’s friend group since high school and was the only one I ever had a problem with and kicked out of my house.
They are trans now but two years ago the friend group was watching a movie in the living room, and every time I’d pass by, he (he was a he then) would lock eyes with me and make really obnoxious, loud, orgasm sounds like that scene in Harry Met Sally. I told him to knock it off and grew sterner when he did it again.
Then when I was in the kitchen, he somehow snuck up behind me and was miming jack-off movements with his hand. I turned around and caught him at it. He was still fully clothed, but it was startling and freaky. I kicked him out.
So now I’ll just call them Sperm-donor because that’s what they are.
I’m still calling my daughter ‘my daughter’ and ‘she’ because I still haven’t been told not to by her otherwise. So get off my case on that.
Anyway, the iHop meeting was a shit-show. Sperm-donor sat with my daughter and went on the attack. Sperm-donor’s points were:

• I was poisoning my daughter by “making” her take birth control. (I only helped her get the prescription and would have done everything I could if I knew she didn’t want to take the pill. There are other methods!)
• It will take years to “fix” my daughter after all I did. (Not giving her hormones even though I had no idea that was what she wanted. She dropped even wanting to change her pronouns after a few weeks.)
• Abortion is a sin and I am a monster for suggesting it. (It’s past the date anyway.)
• I am further abusing her by not taking care of the baby while she fixes herself. (I guess they meant it as a temp situation which was also new to me.)

So apparently even though I’m an abusive monster, a bad mother, and so on, I’m even worse for not taking in their baby. At least no one suggested that I raise it like my daughter’s sister anymore. That might have been my daughter’s thought on it.
Sperm-donor did most of the talking while my daughter just sat and glared at me, nodding along.
It was kind of a whirlwind, Sperm-donor pounded the table a few times, and even the waiter knew not to bother us after drinks, lol. I’m surprised we weren’t asked to leave.
There was a lot said, mostly by the sperm-donor who really seemed to be steering the ship. I asked why sperm-donor couldn’t take care of the baby and sperm-donor said their parents were even worse than me. I guess my daughter and sperm-donor taking care of the child they created is out of the question.
I told them that I would not be raising their baby for them and that adoption is the best bet. They said that if I don’t agree to raise it, they’ll make sure I’ll never see the baby ever.
I won’t raise their child for them. So that’s that, I guess.
I feel so many flavors of worried and angry and then worried all over again. I’ve been around the block and it’s never a great sign when the person you’re with makes an enemy of your family. That’s what sperm-donor has done by painting me as an abuser and failed mother who also won’t take in their baby. Sounds like sperm-donor has cut themselves off from their own family too. So I’m worried my daughter is in a very controlling relationship with someone who convinced her to stop birth control because they think hormones are too feminizing somehow and that she needs to be “fixed”. But they still want me to raise their baby.
I’m angry that my daughter can just hear this crap and nod along like, yeah, that makes total sense. She is not stupid. I think she’s love blinded.
I’m sad and worried for the baby. A couple commenters suggested I wanted nothing to do with the baby because I wouldn’t agree to raise it as my own. No, in a perfect world, I would want a normal grandmotherly relationship. Or at least know that the child is safe and has been adopted into a loving family.
I don’t care what my daughter does with her gender, or her body as long as she doesn’t hurt herself. I want her to be in a happy relationship with someone who values her for who she is. Sperm-donor kept using the word ‘fix’ which I see as another terrible sign.
It’s bad all around. My house is empty. It feels like my adult daughter has run off to join up with some weird church/cult thing who tells her that up is down. That not using birth control and not getting an abortion and then expecting others to take care of the child is all a-okay. Oh and that she’s a problem and needs to be “fixed”.
I texted her and said I would be there for her, but sperm-donor was still not welcome in the house. I think I’m blocked again.
She’s a legal adult. I’m not sure what else I can do at this point? In my low points, part of me thinks maybe I should agree to take the baby and then immediately make sure it’s adopted into a loving home. But I get the feeling that sperm-donor won’t make that easy, and right now my daughter does what he says. Also I’m not sure if that plan is even possible. It sounds Hollywood.
I have an appointment to speak with a councilor, but the soonest I could get is April. Some of my friends think I should take the baby in either to get them away from the parents or because they think it’s my duty, or both.
The only silver lining in this was that they both seemed sober. I don’t think there’s drugs involved.
Am I reading this wrong? Am I the asshole here?
Commenters agreed that sperm donor's comments made no sense, and that OOP's child was probably stuck in an abusive relationship:
Comment 1:
For your safety, I would change the locks and put up camera, Sperm-donor seems unhinged. I’m a firm believer in better safe than sorry.
Comment 2:
This baby will be used as a pawn in his never ending psycho drama. If they do not and cannot raise their baby, the best solution is adoption. Otherwise, the father will make your life a living hell.
NTA
OOP's response:
I couldn't figure out a polite way of saying this, but yes. That is my suspicion if I take in their baby. Sperm-donor implied it would be temporary while earlier my daughter said it would be permanent. I think sperm-donor will refuse to sign over paperwork when the time comes or try to leverage it in some way.
Comment 3:
NTA also it sounds like your daughter is in an abusive relationship with this person. Sorry your daughter has been brain washed by this crazy person. I would definitely contact this sperm donors family and if they seem sane warn them about how crazy both of spoke to you.
OOP's response:
That is my fear, and not a bad idea to contact sperm-donor's parents. This has all happened so far, I feel like I'm in shock and I'm very worried.
Comment 4:
Pretty wild that a trans person is saying abortion is a sin. None of this is anything like what you're going to hear from any healthy LGBT community, who are quite careful to make sure not to support people in delusional or antisocial behavior. Definitely get therapy, sounds like your kid has some serious mental health problems if they're being influenced by whatever wackos put these ideas into their head. You're going to need support in coping with this madness. NTA by a country mile. You are in no way "abusing" your kid by refusing to take responsibility for their bad choices.
OOP's response:
Thank you and yes, I don't want to minimize my daughter's role in it but the hard anti-abortion thing surprised me too. A lot of what they said contradicted itself. It felt like I was sitting across from two people who were in their own wacko bubble.
I know it's not a LGBT thing. I wish someone from their community would knock some sense into them, if its even possible at this point.
​
OOP hasn't posted since the last update.
Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS.

TW for s/h mentions, self end mentions, and abuse mentions
Obligatory clarification that this was a few months ago, I just regularly feel guilty about it and wanted to see if I'm right in feeling that guilt. Also, apologies in advance since I think this is going to be a long post.
I(20ftm) was abused in multiple ways by my stepfather(46m). I filed a case against him two years ago, which finally got picked up after my younger sister(16f) ran away from the house. During these two years, no one in the family talked to me, as he convinced everyone that I was a liar, a manipulator, and was doing everything as an act of revenge on him for "treating me with the respect I deserved". He was sentenced last October to 15 years in prison, and then they began to investigate my mother(38f) because she knew about the physical/verbal/mental abuse of all of us kids(there were five of us, ages will be given as children are mentioned), and about the s/xual abuse toward me. I live out in Arizona, however when my mother lost custody of our siblings, my older sister(25f), who well call Molly, reached out to me asking if I would be willing to come back up to Ohio, my home state, to help her take temporary custody of the children. The plan was that I would come back up to Ohio, live with my old roommates, get a job, and watch the children in the morning to get them on the bus and afternoon until Molly got home from work. This was something that was agreed upon by everyone, and it was decided that due to a job opportunity I would be going back to Arizona in three months. I immediately explained to everyone involved that I would not flake out on these plans unless my mental health got to a point where I was actively considering self ending. Molly requested that she get "some sort of notice" before something like that we're to happen, and I told her that the best I could do was actively pointing out signs of mental health decline as they happened so she would know where I was in my headspace, to which she agreed.
Fast forward to the day I'm to fly up, and I get a call from Molly. She explains that our grandmother is giving her her old house in exchange for the childcare until my mother got out of jail should the worst case scenario happen, and she wanted to know if I could live in full time with her. In exchange she would pay my way through driving school and get me a car off Facebook marketplace, which would roughly equal out to three months of paid labor. She explained that I wouldn't have to do any chores(though it would be nice) and she would support me financially so that I didn't need to get a job(though I also could if I wanted to) and I could put my full time and care toward the children. This seemed like a fair deal to me, so I agreed. We talked about a few other minor details, such as my room(I wouldn't have one, and would be sleeping in the corner of the living room) and food(I requested that she get healthy food because eating excessive amounts of junk food triggers my ED, which she agreed to but more on that later).
I fly up and reconnect with all of my siblings(I hadn't talked to any of them in person since the incident two years ago), and talk with a close friend of mine, who I'll call Buddy. Buddy expressed that he didn't think that me moving in full time with Molly was a good idea, and tried to imply that she might try and take advantage of me while I was there and overstep boundaries. I told him that I trusted her not to do so, and she and I had agreed that I would be spending weekends with him at his place to decompress and regularly assess my mental health. This was almost immediately backtracked by Molly, saying she didn't expect me to actually take the whole weekend and she requested Saturdays to be her "day off", which I agreed to. About a week and a half after I arrived and was settled in, we started having violence issues with the youngest(10m), and they were mostly directed toward me. We assumed that this was because my stepfather had fed the kids a story about how I had left because I didn't care about them, and he was too young to understand the truth of the situation. Molly was very attentive to my needs at first, making sure to buy fruits and vegetables as well as having the children upstairs by 9 pm so that I could have some private time to relax each night. All was good other than the violent outbursts from the youngest(who I'll nickname Chris).
After about a month, we had to give Chris to an aunt due to the violent outbursts becoming more frequent and the police having to be called several times just to get him to stop attacking me. I explained to Molly that it was affecting me pretty badly, and she and I sat down and talked it out, deciding I wasn't at a point that I needed to leave yet, however if we kept him I would be. So we let Chris go up to my aunts, who we'll call Aunt Hayley. After that things calmed down in the household, with there only being two major fights between the remaining three children. During this time, Molly began to talk about how stressed she was about finances, as well as she signed up for a college course and got a boyfriend. I didn't see this as a big deal at the time, but it compiled with everything else. Molly began coming home at 6-7 and immediately going to her room, and I would end up keeping watch of the children for the remainder of the night. This didn't bother me too much at the time, as I saw it as helping her, however I could. Before this, she and I had pretty evenly split chores, with both of us doing dishes, laundry, and trash periodically. Once she began this college course, I took up the entirety of the dishes, laundry for all of the children, and majority of trash. Molly tended to her room and mandated when the children cleaned their rooms and their upstairs bathroom, but other than that was in her room either doing classwork or hanging out with her boyfriend. During this time she also stopped getting the healthier foods, despite me helping with grocery lists and requesting healthier foods, opting instead for snacks or frozen foods such as pizzas, hot pockets, bagel bites, etc. This upset me seeing as I had already explained to her my issues with said foods, but I didn't feel I had a right to make comment seeing as she was still financially supporting me.
During this time, my no contact order with my mother was lifted, and I agreed to speak with her again, seeing as she had eventually denounced her borderline worship of my stepfather and told the police everything, and was now in therapy and parenting classes. To be clear, from the moment I had arrived in Ohio, I had wanted nothing to do with her, and the only reason I had agreed to talk to her was to give her one last opportunity to man up and explain everything properly. She did, and as I had suspected, he had been severely abusing her in every way as well. I still didn't trust her, but I decided to give her a second chance at a relationship on the condition that she not bring any more men into my siblings lives until they were all 18 or older(which she agreed to). I began to visit her semi-regularly, and Molly and I agreed that I would go to her house Saturday nights for dinner, seeing as I was already going to Buddy's around 7 pm Saturday nights anyway, which meant it wouldn't really change any of Molly's plans. At this time I began having a friend over, who we'll call Max. Max is a close friend of mine since middle school, and Molly approved him to be around any time, however I only really had him around on Tuesdays due to his work schedule. As soon as Max met Molly, he said he didn't really like the way she talked to me, and when I didn't understand(I have autism) he explained that a lot of how she speaks to me sounds like she's talking down to/making fun of me, and that when I say something she doesn't seem to take me seriously. I brushed this off, thinking that it was just him not being used to her somewhat abrasive personality.
Molly continued to complain about finances, and I continued searching for a job as I had been since I got there, and then came the first weird incident during this. One day Molly said that our mother had offered her a motorcycle, but that she had a feeling that she wouldn't actually give it to her, and so she was going to go buy her own. I didn't mention how counter intuitive this was to her finance problem, though I should have in hindsight. She also went out that weekend to get her nails and hair professionally done(which she had told me at one point all together was around $200), as well as I believe the next weekend to get a $180 tattoo shaded. Seeing as Molly had gone out and bought a motorcycle, my mother instead offered me the bike, which I accepted. Molly then began making comments about how she knew my mother was going to give me the bike, and that was why she had gone out and gotten her own(despite the fact that I had asked for the bike before I knew it was supposed to be given to Molly, and was told only if she didn't want it because she got first dibs).
During the last month, my mental health began to hit the decline I had warned Molly about. I informed her of when it became hard to get out of bed, when I was having guilt or s/h urges, and then eventually I reached a point where I requested she take back up at least some responsibility of dishes and laundry because my mental health couldn't handle it. She got somewhat indignant about this, saying that because I was living there rent free I should be doing the majority of the chores. By this time, I had very much seen what Max had been saying about her talking down to me, however I wasn't in the mental state to go against her, so I just reiterated that I really wasn't doing well. She said that her classwork, job, and social life wouldn't allow her to have time for it, and since I had none of those I didn't have any reason to feel the way I was. At this point, Buddy and my two old roommates(who we'll call Rat and Iroh) started insisting that I should go back to the original plan and only go down in mornings and until she got home from work, however I felt obligated to help her so I stayed. They repeatedly reminded me that she still hadn't followed through on any of her promises regarding driving school, car, or respecting my triggers. I continued to stay, partially to help her and partially because I knew at this point that it would backfire on the children as well if I left.
Two weeks before I was supposed to leave, Molly pulled me aside and told me that due to financial concerns, she would be letting the children go to a foster home in two weeks, once I left. This confused me seeing as a) I hadn't been bringing in any financials, and b) she insisted on keeping the 16 year old(who I'll call Fiona) but refused to keep the other two, because (in her own words) "Fiona is the easiest to handle". I felt as if I was to blame for this because the way Molly had presented it to me made it seem like the only reason she was letting the children go was because I was leaving, and a few days earlier she had been trying to push "if you could only stay another month". This plummeted my mental health, and about a week later(a week before my stay was supposed to end) I hit the point of actively wanting to self end. I informed her of this, and she got cold with me, saying she wished I had told her sooner. I reminded her that I had vocalized every step for things going down hill, and she insisted that it wasnt enough and I should have given her more notice, as well as claiming she could have done this whole thing without me and that I was more trouble than I was worth at points. She then started saying that I had only come back to get close to our mother and that I didn't actually care about her or the children(as I said, I hated my mother when I arrived). I told her that I would stay till that Friday night as it was Thursday and I didn't want to force her to try to find last minute childcare so late at night. At some point in this conversation we got a call from the middle(14nb, whom we'll call Sora) child's school saying that Sora had assaulted another student. This student had been making fun of Sora for months, claiming that they deserved the abuse they went through and that she hoped my stepfather got out of jail so that he could hurt Sora worse. I requested Molly not be too intense on the punishment, seeing as this had been an ongoing issue that had been brought to both the principal and Molly's attention, and been brushed off by both. Molly started beating me about how disgusting it was that I was condoning violence, and I clarified that while I didn't condone it, this situation had been hard enough on Sora. At this point in time, I had had enough and told her that if she didn't want my input and wanted to belittle me and "put me in my place", then she could put her money where her mouth was about being able to do this without me and I would leave that night. She said fine, but that she knew I wasn't actually wanting to end myself and was just using it as a convenient out of the situation. I began to pack. As soon as she got home she said that I had been taking her tone wrong, and that she hadn't meant to attack me. She then started saying that I wasn't screwing her over in this, I was screwing the children over. This was while the children were out of the house, and I did raise my voice, telling her that I wasn't trying to screw anyone over, I was following exactly the boundaries I had set, as I should have from the beginning. Buddy came and picked me up, and I went and spent the night with my mother.
The next day I was informed that Molly had told our caseworker that I had bailed, and that the children were to be picked up the next day(all except Fiona, who would stay in Molly's care and eventually the possibility of Molly adopting her was discussed). That Friday was the court case which was to decide what was to happen with my mother. Molly had expressed throughout this entire process that she didn't want my mother to go to jail, and that she would do almost anything to keep her out. The prosecutors had also expressed that they didn't want her to get a full 3 year sentence. During the court proceedings, Molly was the only one in the room requesting the maximum sentence for my mother, and during her speech was consistently deadnaming and misgendering me, which no one else in the court room was doing. My mother walked out with a 60 day sentence, which wasn't terrible, but the damage was done to mine and Molly's relationship, seeing as it was already strained before I found out she had been lying to me for months about her stances on this. She and I had had several conversations about this, while I hated my mother and whole I was healing my relationship with her, and her stance of wanting her to stay out of jail had never wavered. I unfollowed her on most medias, but kept her unblocked on everything. Three days before I was supposed to leave, I realized that my leather jacket and my keys to my boyfriend's collar were still at her house, and I tried to contact her to ask for them back. I texted her twice, neither of which she responded to, and then Buddy called her. She claimed she hadn't seen them, but refused to let us come over to look for them, despite the fact that the last time I had seen either one was in the house because I had been too depressed to leave the house. She continuously refused to let me come check, or even let someone else come check, claiming that she didn't trust me to put things back the way they were, despite me never showing any inclination of touching anything that wasn't mine. I went to text her again on the matter and found that she had blocked me on all platforms. Shortly after this Fiona would start claiming the same things about me not actually wanting to end myself and just using it as an excuse, showing that she had been talking to Molly about this, and her views on pretty much everything shifted to Molly's views. This caused a rift to the point that while I have strong contact with my other siblings, I don't have much contact with Fiona.
I feel as though it was wrong to leave the children in the situation they were in, and I desperately wish I could have done more to help, but I knew that once I hit that mental state I was no longer safe to be around them and only ran the risk of traumatizing them further if I had stayed.

So basically my bf and I were head over heels and were pretty fresh with having dated for just around ≈3 months when we started fighting more but mostly bc he had less time bc of school, work, hobby, etc. and I didn’t feel reassured enough anymore. We always fixed it but one day he was busy asf and didn’t text all day and I spam called, texted, etc. and he said he doesn’t understand how I can’t trust him enough when he finally answered and said he was busy all day. I said I thought he was ignoring me since he was online every now and then and posted on his story and he said he just didn’t have time to even text me smth like 'won‘t be available today' wich I asked him once to and he apologized. He said he feels kinda disappointed but questions if we should keep going with the relationship and said he needs a break also for himself overall to work on himself since he himself is just pissed all day, makes my mood worse while arguing and doesn’t have the time I need anymore. I said I don’t want time but reassurance and I feel like he still didn’t get that. He said he‘ll always love me tho and wants to date again after the break but lwk stay friends (but rn I always have to reach out first too even on the anniversary thing) and he promises to date me again but j can‘t promise how long this break will be and says I shouldn’t wait for him, move on and date someone else cause me waiting and loving him forever or saying that will hurt me in the long run. He says he doesn’t mind if I‘d wanna date someone else, he just won’t tho until he‘s better. He also started gambling a little and taking edibles but it keeps him calm. He took out the pfp on his insta wich was my fav pic of him and one day ignored me completely but still has all the apps for couples we had, has my pictures still on every app, 52 or so saved of me and my love letters. He also told everyone about me already and loved posting me on his socials, asking me to let him and all that pretty early so he prob was serious about me.He‘d also stay otp even when gaming with his friends. Idk is he trying to forget me? Does he really want to date me again? I told him I‘ll also work on myself but he j said I‘m perfect and doesn’t know what I could work on. He said he wants to stay friends but one day ignored me and read my messages the day after but started to at least read my messages but doesn’t respond only once when I wished him happy monthly anniversary of knowing me we both were so exited about. Idk he is confusing me. Especially since on the day we broke up we called afterwards and when I started crying stayed up for me and also said if I’m crying about it I’m understanding it wrong and it doesn’t mean our end and somehow I ended up on the topic of my wedding and how make up will be useless bc I’ll cry sm since I cry a lot in every emotion even happiness and corrected me saying 'on our wedding' and still complimented me,etc. Idk if he is acting that way bc of past trauma where he got cheated on and lost an important person in his life, etc. and doesn’t like help from others for that reason. What should I do? I mean, he kept the number of his ex unblocked until she asked about me but also blocked every other girl following him when neither of us knew her and even after the break up when a girl slid into his DMs he saidd he doesn’t want anyone texting him and was pissed.
Does he still like me or just wants to make the break up easy for him?

How can someone just decide to fuck up someone else friendship? I've recently lost my closest and bestest friend ever. She got closer to me than anyone else in my life. We talked daily for a whole year, from morning to night. Everyday more or less.
And i got really attached to her. I really valued our friendship and i miss her so much. I would do anything to just...talk to her again.
But she removed me as a friend like month ago. And it's been really rough for me to be honest. I've never felt so alone as i do right now. I can't stop thinking about it and it making me really depressed.
So this is basically from my point of view. So just one day she wrote to me on discord that there is this guy in her server that comes from another country, and he started talking about that he wanted to move to my country, and he mentioned my citys name even, And my friend then said jokingly that she thought that it was me who made an troll account just to fuck with her. But my friend then said that to this guy, that she knows me and lives in that very city he wanna move to. And she asked if he could talk to me, and i was bored and thought why not, it's kinda creepy and like what is the coincidence. so we started talking and i can't remember exactly what really happened but the guy got really mad over a joke i made and removed me. And then started to like argue with my friend in this discord server. Saying stuff like im weird and yadayada.
She ignores him. Some days go on and he tries to talk to her and she ignores him as much as possible, or be very short with him. Dude gets really angry and starts going off at her and at me. Then leaves the server, and we just laughed and forgot about him kinda like instantly, talked a little about how weird it was but that's all pretty much.
And then maybe like month later or something i think dude is back and tried to say he was sorry, tried to become friends again with me and my friend and i let him re-add me and we talked and he were sorry. and i showed my friend but she wasn't having it with this guy. But he tried really hard to talk with my friend and she got tired of him. And one day he just asked me if my friend hates him or something and i said the truth that he is really annoying and he tries to hard, my friend is parasocial so she just gets quiet when people are to much.
Then he gets really angry again, removes me and start an argument in the server again. Ignored by my friend and leaves the server.
then i don't remember much what happened but he kinda just left us alone. Until one day he leaves her a dm and it's a whole paragraph of just...BS pretty much. She ignores him, i can't remember exactly. But he gets blocked or something.
We don't hear from this guy since.
And one day there is this new girl who joins the server my friend is in. And they start to talk and actually becoming friends, i think they talk for a month or something. And i joined the same server because me and my friend talked about that old guy for some reason.
And i don't really talk in the server much.
Until one day i said something, and this other girl said something.
All of the sudden i got an dm from my friend asking if i were intrested in talking to this new friend of my friend. And isaid yes, and she made a groupchat with just us three.
And it went really smoothly at first, we talked about cakes, food, music and stuff like that. And then this girl starting to become kinda.. needy according to my friend, she would leave her paragraps of text daily about private stuff, asking her personal stuff about me and her and other stuff.
My friend didn't answer much cause she were busy with other stuff or didn't feel like it cause it was kinda weird stuff.
Then this girl writes to me, asking me if my friend is ignoring her and stuff like that. And i said i don't really know, all i know is that she is really busy with school, maybe she's playing something or watching a movie and stuff like that.
And then one day this said that her fiance walked out on her cause he were pissed or something, and me and my friend were both busy that day so we didn't have time to answer her. And she took that as we both ignored her, she gets mad and i understand that. but she lashed out and went over the line so hard and so quick. She leaves the groupchat, unfriend my friend and leaves me a long text about she just blocked my friend and rather wrote to me instead cause i actually answers back. And said stuff like she feels ignored, and she doesn't understand why. I show the text to my friend and she answers me like hours later and she got a bit angry aswell over what this girl said. And then this girl unfriends me, and sometimes goes on. A few days later she writes to me a long paragraph again, saying how bad friend my friend is, cause she were talking shit behind my back, saying i'm to much, always like teasing/bullying her, and always writes when she is online and she were tired of it.
And i sent her the text to my friend, we talked and i wrote back to this other girl, and she started to insult me, tried to anyway, starting to say im a simp, pathetic loser and i have a baby di*k and stuff like that.
So we have a long argument pretty much, My friend gets really annoyed and adds her and she also starts to fight with this girl. But then this girl starts to say some really weird stuff about me and my friend should just have sex and getting really.. detailed and graphic about it. Putting both of us in a really weird and awkward position.
She gets blocket after a while.
And now comes to most annoying part. Me and my friend, we don't talk as much as we used to. It's very..limited. We don't joke as much anymore. We just.. answer each others msgs but that's about it. And it goes on like that for a week until i say that ever since that night when this girl said all those things, our chat has changed, we don't talk as we used to. I can't tease/bully her anymore cause now it just feels like im flirting instead. And my friend said she kinda feels the same, it feels super weird for her. And i'm actually getting kinda sad and nervous and start to ask like what can i do to change the situation. Cause i miss our old ways how we used to talk and all that, and my friend said it's not really my or our fault, it was that girls fault and it feels really weird. and i'm getting even more sader and try to talk some more but i'm getting short answers so i took that she were feeling uncomfy about it all...
And later i found out that my friend actually lied to me about a thing, and asked her about it and she didn't want to hurt me but still kept on lying. And i got really sad about it, so sad that i just left the chat and logged out.
And the whole day i sat there thinking about what i would say back, made a speech in my head and were preparing myself to say it. And as soon i open up my friends dm, i see she unfriends me. From Instagram, Steam, Roblox, Tiktok, Like..everywhere. And i wrote to her, tried to make her say something but i get no responds. so i just said that it sucks it comes to this but i just have to accept her wish then. I leave her alone.
A few days later i get a dm from her. It's a printscreen from that first guy, who were starting fights. Said that he knew the girl me and my friend talked to. She were just his "secret agent" and it was all a big lie. It was him all along pretty much, And i tried to answer her dm, but.. it didn't deliver. she put on the setting that she wont get any msgs from non-friends. It made me cry, and i wrote in the server cause she were online. Ignores me.. Then i saw she even blocked me. My friend blocked me... And it felt like a knife in the gut so i went to instagram, asked her why she blocked me and i just wanted to answer the dm with something. She reads it instantly. And blocks me there aswell.
And this was a month ago now. And to be honest.. I don't even know what happend, I miss my friend so much and everyday is a struggle. I can sit in our dms and reading old chatlogs and sometimes i start to laugh and smile, and sometime i just cry and can't stop pretty much. But after a few days i started to force myself to watch movies, play some games and some days i managed just fine. Some days i couldn't at all.
then i saw she unblocks me. And i sat there for hours, just watching her profile. thinking " what happends if i wrote to her?" And i actually decided that i would try to reconnect. Cause she was/is my closest friend, and i value that so much and i just wanted to try again. So i wrote a paragraph pretty much, saying how much i miss her and i just wanna talk with her again. And when i were done, i just sat there for atleast an hour before i press enter. It didn't deliver cause she don't get any msgs from non-friends. And i started to bawl my eyes out. That was 3 days ago. I still haven't really recoverd and i feel so alone, so empty and so lost and i don't know what to do honestly. i just wanna... talk with her.
Sorry for long post but i just needed to write down my side of the story.

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is u/ThrowRA-scarecrow. She posted in relationship_advice. Thank you to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the original recommendation and to u/ivy5kin for letting me know about the update
Previous BORU here. New Updates (starting with one from a few months ago and ending with one 7 days old) marked with ****\*

Read trigger warnings

Trigger Warnings: infant abuse; spousal abuse; drug use; stalking; kidnapping attempt
Mood Spoiler: utterly terrifying and disturbing
Original Post: March 16, 2024
My husband (42m) and I (35f) tried for so long to have our boys and girl. Due to a health issue my husband suffered he developed fertility issues and we had to get medical assistance to be able to have our children because if we didn’t he’d probably never have kids. So we went through fertility treatment. He desperately wanted his own biological children and we spent a fortune just to bring them into the world and now he’s jealous and distant with them?
He’s constantly in competition with his own infant children. If I hold the children he gets frustrated. Any time they take my attention away he gets completely pissy. He’s always in a foul mood, irritable and just down right nasty. I don’t understand it. Why is he like this? Our children are barely 6 months and they won’t stop crying every time he’s near. I feel like they can sense his negativity. I tried talking to him. Ive suggested he take interest in the kids and spend more time with us as a family. I know it can sometimes take a little longer for parents to bond with their children but this is down right scary to experience. He’s full of jealousy and envy. He sees our children as competition to my time and affections.
A few times now he has made comments about feeling frustrated that I still breast feed our children. The thing is we mix feed so he has had ample opportunity to feed them and he just doesn’t. He also said that this (meaning our life&our marriage after children) wasn’t what he thought it would be like. I mean what did he expect? A singular baby cries and three of them cry a lot.
We’ve been together for 8 years and married for 7 years. He wanted these children. He pushed for them and now this. I never thought this would ever be me. I am scared. I am scared for my children. I have tried talking to him but he just brushes me off. I’ve suggested counseling. He refuses. He tells me it’s all in my head. I want to save this marriage but I am scared I won’t be able to and maybe it’s not worth saving.
He comes home later everyday. He avoids us on the weekends and any time he has off. I’m not ashamed to say that I went through his phone and there are a lot flirtatious text between him and a “Jessica”. I don’t think anything has happened between them but it sure looks like they are building up to it. I haven’t said anything because I’m afraid. Where do I go with three children, with no money and no family that can help me? I haven’t worked in two years and I’ve spent all my savings on having these children. My mind is in a complete meltdown. I can’t sleep I can’t think and I’m always exhausted.
What the hell happened? Is this him now forever?
Edit: Some of you are some real evil bastards ! Stop blaming me for him mistreating me! I do not deserve to be treated this way and neither do my kids! Stop messaging me evil things!
Relevant Comments:
Examples of 'competition':
If I’m with the kids and say I’m feeding them he gets upset I’m focusing on them and not him, or as he likes to say I’m fussing over them. He expects they sleep through the night and gets upset when I’m with them instead of in bed with him. He has even made weird comments about me loving them more than him.
Did he really want kids or did YOU want kids?
Due to my husband’s fertility issues he was the one pushing for us to have kids. He knew early on that he had a health condition and wanted us to have children way earlier but I asked if we could wait but then his condition worsened so we agreed to get treatment before he couldn’t have any kids. He desperately wanted to be a father and they are biologically ours. His desire to be a father was one of the qualities I liked about him when we started dating.
I’ve always worked and the plan was for me to stay home for the first 2/3 years and perhaps work part time until the kids were school aged. But that’s out the window now because I don’t want to ever be this vulnerable! I’ve been brushing off my cv and scouring the internet for a job. I will never allow myself to be this vulnerable again.
Does he help at ALL? Do you have a support system you could go to?
He doesn’t help me at all. I take care of our kids on my own. My parents are long gone and my sister is abroad. She stayed with us for the birth and a month after the children were born. She lives in France but she’s due to return home this summer. So I know I’ll have her help when she’s back. But I’m trying not to bother her as she’s going through a divorce.
I’ve suggested couples counseling and he refuses. He says everything is in my head.
I’m actually even crying writing this but I do have a small to go bag in the trunk of my car. Just incase. I feel like I’m not being rational because he doesn’t hurt me or the kids but I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells. Like what happened to my happy go lucky husband? Who’s this person I’m afraid of?
Are they his biologically? Did you guys go to a support group for infertility treatment?
We didn’t use any sperm or egg donations. The kids are his and mine biologically.
We also went to a support group, two support groups actually. One of them was for couples and the other for men experiencing infertility. He also went to individual therapy to deal with his emotional issues around infertility.
Update Post: March 19, 2024 (3 days later)
Title: He’s (42m) been pinching my (35f) babies?
Thank you to the person who said I should watch his interactions with my babies more closely and frequently. Not even hours after I posted here asking for advice I caught him pinching my son!
While I was scrolling on here and replying to people I decided to check my baby monitor and I watched my husband enter our children’s room and insult them in a hushed and whispery tone. I couldn’t make out much of what he was saying but he was without a doubt telling them that he hated them and wished them dead. Then he pinched my son and my baby boy didn’t even cry which made me think he’s done this many times before.
It all happened so fast and by the time I could make sense of what was happening on the monitor he was already walking down the hallway and down the stairs. At the same time I had lept off the sofa and pretty much tackled him as he came off the stairs. We got into a physical and verbal altercation, we fought, argued and shouted for hours. I guess the police were called by the neighbors because the next thing I know the police are banging on my door. I explained the situation to the police and the officers said that they could not prove that my baby was harmed since he didn’t have a bruise and my baby monitor was only on live feed and not simultaneously recording. Eventually they got my husband to agree to pack a bag and leave. He left reluctantly.
He has since been blowing up my phone begging for forgiveness, talking about how he’s been depressed and stressed by the babies, and that his anxiety and jealousy got the best of him. I just responded once telling him to go fuck himself. I’ve also been in contact with a lawyer and she’s advised me to leave him unblocked incase he further incriminates himself. I don’t even recognize who this man is! Where did this all come from?
How did this happen? Has any other parent experienced this? How did you handle this?
Before y’all start jumping down my throat I am absolutely getting a divorce and I will do everything in my power to get full custody. I did take my children to our family doctor and they are in good health and there are no other signs of abuse. I’ve filled a report with the police and my lawyer is dealing with it. I’m also about to start the process of divorce.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: He just wants more and better access to his victims. This is someone who gets off on hurting children. Actual human beings who are stressed and depressed do not sneak around abusing children for their dopamine hits.

OOP: Exactly! I’m tired, stressed, depressed and I’m physically still not fully healed from the pregnancy and the cesarean birth but not once have I thought of hurting anyone let alone a baby! I don’t buy his bullshit excuses. He clearly knew what he was doing was wrong otherwise he wouldn’t have been sneaking around and being all hush hush. I do not believe him for one second. He’s a goddamn beastly man.

Update the monitor to one that records:
I’ve set the monitor up to record now! I’ve also ordered a home security system and will be installing it real soon!
On what OOP is doing to protect them:
I’m doing everything I can to protect them! This all happened a few days ago but I am in the process of getting a temporary restraining order. My lawyer is handling it and I understand it takes some time to actually get one and in the meantime I’ve been advised that I can just deny him visitation until he gets a judgement from the courts that forces me to grant him access to my babies but that takes time. So in the meantime he can’t force me or my babies to see him.
I’ve recorded every call and saved ever text. Literally documenting everything. Thankfully he’s saying and texting a goldmine of incriminating things that I hope would be sufficient information for a judge to give me and my babies a restraining/protective order and for family court to grant me primary and sole custody.
Did you tell him you saw the pinch?
Yes. He at first told me I was imagining things. Then switched to saying he was just frustrated our son wouldn’t go to sleep. Then he started saying that he was angry that our son was interrupting our “personal time” and that he was doing it on purpose because the other babies were asleep so why wasn’t he?
Honestly nothing he says makes sense to me. Like my baby boy was just laying there sleepy and he would’ve fallen back to sleep by himself that bastard actually woke him up with his pinching and insults.
He says he went in their room to check up on them and I call bullshit on that he went in there to torment my children. Who in their right mind whispers death to two sleeping babies and a another half asleep baby?!
Did he tell you that over phone or text?
This was on a call which I’ve recorded!
*****Update Post 2: April 10, 2024 (3 weeks after OG post)****\*
Title: How did it go so wrong? For my (36f) birthday he (42m) broke into the house?
Every conversation with him (42m) feels like I’m (36f) losing my mind. The only thing that has kept me semi-sane and able to track what he has been doing is my audio journal and my posts on here.
Last week it was my thirty sixth birthday. Actually I had forgotten it was my birthday and was reminded by my sister that it was in fact my birthday. I decided I couldn’t mope around the house and I got my kids dressed to go shopping and get groceries. We got back and I put away half of the groceries but my babies were fussy and so to tire them out and ready them for bed we went for a walk. When I got back home he was in the kitchen cooking and putting away some of the groceries I had left out. He greeted me and acted normal. I didn’t react because his entire demeanour was freaking me out so I played along. I went upstairs and got the kids down. I did think of walking out the front door but he was kind of anticipating it and so he was following me around and I thought in the moment that the best thing I could do was to get my kids upstairs and away from him. He said he wanted to talk and clear the air because this has “gone on too long”.
We had a long conversation and it started out reasonable but eventually spiralled out of control. We got into physical confrontation because I refused to let him stay. He tried to physically intimidate me and he, well hurt me. While he was hurting me I was still able to contact the police. It took them a excruciatingly long 20/25 minutes to get there.
So here I am sitting with two completely black and blue eyes, a busted lip, swollen face,massive knots on my head and bruises all over. I don’t know what happened to my life or how I got here but here I am. I can’t even look my neighbors in the eyes. I can’t go outside without seeing the shocked faces of people.
I have never felt so ashamed, so humiliated, so hurt and so utterly stupid. I thought I made all the right choices in life. What did I do wrong? When did it all get so fucked? I mean I think I did everything right? Like I created a stable life for myself then picked a man that at time was a very loving partner, I married that man and waited five years before even going through the process of having children with him and now once I’ve had his children he’s just beating on me and our babies?
Edit: My sister is now aware of what’s been happening and she is supporting me as best as she can. I have plans to move out but since I’m not working right now I need some time to save up.
His family is also aware. His family refused to believe that I saw him hurt our child but they can’t deny this attack now that they’ve seen my bruises. Also yes he was arrested and he was bailed out by his brother. He’s currently staying with his brother.
Relevant Comments:
I’m in contact with a dv organization that my lawyer has put me in contact with. I did have a locksmith come out and I have new locks. I also have a couple of safety locks for my windows, and security cameras around the house and I changed our security code but honestly he doesn’t give a shit.
He despite it all broke in and beat the living shit out of me.
Making the audio journal:
I really didn’t make my audio journal to use as evidence. I literally made it because he makes me feel like I’m insane! I never know which version of him I’ll get at any given time. I also keep my journal to keep track of what he says. Every conversation with him makes me lose grip of my fleeting sanity.
Leaving the house:
The biggest reason I haven’t left my home is because he would without a doubt say I abducted the children! I’m already withholding my children from him since I caught him hurting my six month old son.
On advice of my lawyer I have stayed put. It’s my best option for now and it shows that I’ve been reasonably measured in my actions.
Restraining order?
I am in the process of getting one.
Update Post 3: April 25, 2024 (15 days later, almost 6 weeks from OG post)
Title: It was all for the love of another woman? Who barely knew of his existence? He (42m) hurt my (36f) children to further his own selfish desires
I say all of this without exaggeration. I am certain he was getting ready to kill us. After nearly 8 months of turmoil I’m finally close to understanding.
My soon to be ex husband is in love with a woman he came across on social media and he has been obsessing over her for at least a year. She also happens to be a sex worker and he was paying her for her time and attention. In his mind he believed they could have a future together if only he could get rid of my children and me. Even though this woman gave him no inkling that she even wanted to be with him. He has spent so much of our money on this woman. I am at a loss for words that could accurately describe the situation. I can barely believe half of the things he’s been up to.
I’ve spent the past few weeks playing detective and I finally decided to contact “Jessica”. This is obviously not her name but I need to call her something. I contacted Jessica and at first she was very reluctant to speak to me but I literally begged her to and she was kind enough to get on the phone with me.
She told me that she had been seeing him for awhile but she stopped seeing him because he started to scare her. He was sending her unhinged messages and voicemails. He had been stalking her and trying to convince her to be with him. Jessica eventually stopped seeing him and had him blocked and I guess this is when he started to escalate from emotional abuse to physically abusing my children and myself. He was looking for a way out and in his crazy mind, killing us would free him because the only reason Jessica wouldn’t be with him was because me and my children were in the way.
During our long call I also explained to Jessica what had been happening to me and she was genuinely kind and helpful. She also agreed to speak to my lawyer and to send them the thousands of unhinged texts, voicemails and voice notes he sent her. For a little while after our conversation a part of me genuinely hated Jessica and wanted to blame her for everything but the rational part of me pushed out those unreasonable and dangerous thoughts especially after I read his disturbing texts and heard his voicemail/notes to Jessica. She has also been victimized by him.
Honestly there is nothing like listening to your husband and father of your children talk about how you and your children mean nothing to him and how he wishes you were dead. He could’ve just asked for a divorce or just got up and left. I sent him a few texts asking him why? (this was a one time thing and since then I’ve stopped all contact) Why do all of this? Why torment my babies? Why not just walk away? He responded with a message saying any conversation between us should be through our lawyers. His parents have him lawyered up. They know what he’s been up to and they’ve chosen to protect him. His father came to see me and in a not so direct way suggested he could pay me if I stopped talking about what his son has done and was planning on doing. Ever since he broke into the house and pretty much tried to kill me I’ve told anyone who’d listen what he has done. At this point even his colleagues know.
Relevant Comments:
I have emergency custody of my kids and a protective order. I’m in the process of getting two trained guard dogs haven’t gotten very far though and I have a security system.
I’m also seriously considering a gun. More than seriously actually I’ve applied for a permit. Of course I do plan on taking lessons in gun safety and training.
Be careful with the dogs, he may just kill them:
He probably would but the few seconds to minutes he needs in order to do that is perhaps the chance I need to save my children and myself.
This may seem horrible to you but I rather have them as a buffer then my children getting harmed. I of course don’t want this to happen but I’m in a situation now where I need to do everything I can to protect my children.
His parents:
Oh they really are bastards and refuse to believe their precious son could ever do the things he’s done despite the fact that I installed security cameras after I caught him abusing my babies and despite the fact that my neighbors have signed witness statements attesting to the fact that they saw him break into my house and attack me. They’ve seen the police report. They’ve seen the pictures of my battered face and bruised body. They are feigning ignorance but they know, and I know they know.
You don't want to give him ammunition in the divorce- maybe stop telling people?
Actually me telling people has been the best thing I’ve done so far. It’s what has kept me safe. My neighbors now look out for his car and call the police if they see he’s anywhere near the house.
What was he like before all of this? Were there any signs?
We’ve been married for nearly 8 years. Will actually be 8 years in 2 months. We never had any issues. Sure we had minor squabbles but that was few and far in between. Never did I have any issues that would lead me to think that he’d try to hurt us let alone kill us.
It was during my pregnancy and birth that he became verbally and emotionally abusive, this is also the time period he met Jessica and started fantasizing about running away with her. He was angry and jealous that my attention was more on the pregnancy and the babies and this built resentment towards me and my children. It also pushed him more into his obsession with Jessica and when he was also rejected by her, he spiraled into this insane mindset. At the same time he escalated into verbally and physically abusing our infant children and when I found out he hurt my children, I attacked him. I caught him hurting my son and we physically fought and my neighbors called the police and he was escorted out of the house. Then he came back and broke into the house, he attacked me and beat me into a bloody mess. He was arrested for this. I’ve since attained a lawyer and I’ve been granted emergency custody and a protective order.
Again- why isn't he in jail?
He’s out on bail.
Update Post 3: May 11, 2024 (2+ weeks later)
Editor's note: This post was deleted by reddit. I have transcribed it from this youtube video and this tiktok video
Title: My (36f) husband (42m) has been arrested for stalking and attempting to abduct his former “mistress”.
Last week Thursday at approximately 2:00 AM in the morning, my (36F) husband (42m) of nearly 8 years was arrested outside of Jessica's house, (the sex worker he met online and used to pay to spend time with him until he started to creep her out by his stalking and obsession.)
When he was arrested, they found in his truck small baggies with drug residue and they also found tools of abduction. I honestly do not know what these are exactly.
My soon to be ex FIL called me at around 4:45/4:50 AM to tell me that his son was arrested. My FIL was the one who used the term tools of abduction. When I asked him what the hell that means, he said he didn't have time for my interrogation tactics. He then asked if I could help them find a lawyer for him and to stand by his son throughout all of this. When I said to him "how the hell am I supposed to find a lawyer this early in the morning," he lost his shit and then was just screaming.
My soon to be ex MIL took over the phone, telling me that I'm a goddamn b****, and that all this is my fault. I hung up before she could say anymore.
I never knew this man to take drugs. Sure, he drank occasionally, but hard drugs? I honestly don't know what's happening anymore or how I got here. I mean it does make sense he was on cocaine the past 7/8 months now that I look back at things.
I mean, I don't even know anything about drugs to be able to recognize the behavior pattern, but once I researched it, it seemed clear. The moodiness, the disappearances, the lies, the anger, the sudden outburst and the violence- it all points to drug usage, as well as him being an abusive piece of shit.
His parents and the rest of his family had called and texted me so much abusive shit and they occasionally switched to begging me to go see him or pick up his calls, but I've mainly ignored them. I don't have the time, the energy or the love that is needed to be there for this man and his parents. I've given him eight years of my love and affection, and he spat it back into my face during the hardest and most vulnerable time of my life
Also, why would they think I'd help him after everything he's done? Especially since I think he deserves to be in jail for not only hurting my children, but also for hurting myself and Jessica.
I hope and pray he's jailed for the rest of his natural life. I mean I've tried being a good wife, but he has attacked my children. He has attacked me. He has lied and tormented us, and I'm supposed to help him?
I don't even know how I got here. How did we get here?
I've packed everything up and I'm leaving. I'm disappearing with my kids, and anything else between me and these people can be handled through my lawyer. The only person who knows where I'm moving to is my lawyer and my sister. I mean what else can I do to protect my children? His entire family blames me. And how do I keep my head high when I'm now being treated like I'm an evil and disgusting person by pretty much everyone I once called a family? These people are trying to destroy me inside and out, and I don't know how to survive them. How am I supposed to rebuild my life when they won't stop tormenting me?
In less than a year of their birth, I've managed to fail my children...
TLDR: My soon to be ex-husband was arrested while stalking his former mistress/sex worker and during his arrest they found drug residue and tools for abduction
Relevant Comments:
Change your surname/the kids' surnames:
My kids and I have double-barreled surnames (my surname and their dads) but when I can we will drop his and we’ll all go by just mine.
People blaming OOP:
The sad fucking thing it’s not only his parents. It seems like everyone is blaming me.
OOP's response to a crappy (now deleted) comment:
“ You need to discover the reasons why you failed to notice or do anything about everything that was going on with him. You have to build skills so you can take full ownership over your own life.”
This genuinely has me fucking raging right now! I feel like everyone keeps blaming me!
And I don’t know why everyone keeps blaming me for his shit! We didn’t have any problems in the previous 7 years of our marriage. He started doing drugs during my pregnancy and this is when he started to behave abnormally. I tried to get him help because I thought it was depression or the stress of being a new parent.
When I noticed his irritablity, combativeness and generally shitty behavior was more than just depression or jealousy of me spending more time with my new born children, I kicked him out, I got a lawyer and involved the police because there no way in hell I’d stay with someone who hurt my children or let him get away with it and I also made sure to get emergency custody of my children. This is also around the same time when he spiralled into using more drugs. I don’t know what else I could’ve done but I know I took all the right steps when I noticed his escalation!
I’m so sick of everyone acting like I was making him do drugs and like I’m suppose to know that he’d ruin my life after having had a good marriage before he started taking drugs and going out of his mind.
What has your lawyer said about disappearing?
I currently have emergency custody. My lawyer is the one who suggested to disappear (meaning moving to new house and not letting anyone know) because she says this is a time of great danger and I heartily agree. Since my ex-husband first went to look for me at the house but me and my children went to stay somewhere else for a few days because I was scared he’d come back after he broke into the house previously and attacked me.

Today, my autistic 15 year old daughter called one of her friends (we will call her harper) to come outside to hang out with a group of friends, at the request of one of these friends. Because there was a physical altercation yesterday where harper was hit by another friend (let's call her Megan), daughter took this as a good sign that they were going to get along better.
The reason the fight yesterday happened is because harper has been relentlessly mean to daughter recently. Daughter wasn't there and didn't know until after the fact.
Today, when harper got out to the group, she somehow ended up threatening to knee my daughter in the gut and calling her a c**t while arguing with Megan about yesterday. Daughter was crying off to the side, because conflict is very triggering for her due to trauma.
Someone yelled "just hit her again" and others started chanting "hit her hit her" and Megan did hit Harper. She was egged on by some others to hit her three more times. It doesn't make it better, but harper didn't sustain any injuries.
After school, 10 minutes after harper walked daughter to the car and said "I love you, have a good weekend, bye" I got a call from Harper's mom insisting that my daughter had orchestrated this entire thing.
She is saying that's what she's going to tell the police.
Daughter and harper were on the phone a and daughter heard Harper's mom say "tell Megan I'm telling the police about this" and daughter, being autistic, promptly followed what she believed to be instructions coming from an adult she wanted to stop being angry at her.
Harper's mom is taking that fact as evidence that daughter is scheming with Megan and did, in fact, orchestrate this.
Harper and her family refusing to understand autism and how it affects my daughter is at the core of the friction in their friendship and the mistreatment daughter receives daily from this "friend." Harper has, this evening, blocked daughter, unblocked daughter to call and yell at her, threatening her with police action, and blocked her again.
If we get a call from the police, what should I expect? What should I do?
I'm very supportive of police being involved because an assault happened, but the idea that my kid had anything to do with it is so ludicrous that I'm genuinely shocked anyone who has ever met her, let alone hosted her several times, could believe it.

Ok so like back in January I was looking for some online friends cause I had a lot of free time after school and it got boring after a while. Anyways, this 14 year old guy made a post on this subreddit related to online friends and I replied. So we start talking on discord, and like it was just normal getting to know you stuff.
As the days went on he opened up to me about how I was like his one and only friend, because he was getting bullied or like isolated at school. He was living in Mexico at the time and apparently his school just didn't have the best crowd and he never really wanted to get along with those type of people. Everyday he'd text me about how bad his day was and all that stuff. I was kinda getting a little overwhelmed but I still felt bad for him. I'd try giving him advice like talking to his teachers and stuff, but he'd say that would only work for so long. Again, he'd always remind me how I was like his only friend. We'd talk for like 2 hours, usually during the night til he went to sleep because this was during winter break. Sometimes he'd text me saying he can't sleep, so I would always recommend different things to do, like listen to music etc. The next day he'd say it worked for him, and I felt glad for him. This is going to sound really bad, but even though I was really happy that I was helping him with his struggles, honestly it was kind of too much for me. I felt bad ending conversations with him cause they would last for hours on end. I know this is kind of my fault because I reached out first, but I didn't know it would lead to him ranting to me every day. When it was really bad, I'd even recommend him therapists or online therapists to talk to. He'd always try but end up saying that you'd have to pay or something else (which may have been true but idk because a lot of online therapy sites are different for separate regions, cz he was in Mexico and I was in the US).
I wanna say this relationship lasted for around 3 weeks but I don't remember. Anyways, things were looking really good for him. I always encouraged him to speak to his parents about it, but he'd always say he didn't want to burden them. Then one day he said he finally mustered up the courage to tell him mom everything about his life. I supported him the whole way. Later he told me his mom would try to find a therapist for him. Still during the days of finding a therapist he would always come rant to me. This is kind of my fault for always accepting even though I honestly didn't want him to rant to me anymore. We stopped talking as often/as long for a while, but then somehow our discord like got glitched or smth and it wouldn't allow us to contact each other. Sometimes the glitch would go away and stuff, but my point is that we stopped talking for a long time. This sounds bad but I honestly forgot about the relationship. One day I checked reddit again after a long time and I saw a message from him asking if I remember him. I immediately replied, and we started talking again. Again, the ranting/venting from him continued. I felt really bad for him, but when I looked for an online friend I didn't expect this. One day I just decided to pour it all out to him. I wrote an entire like essay to him explaining how I couldn't handle his issues along with my own (my family life wasn't very good at that time, but I didn't want to vent to him back because he was already overwhelmed in his own life). I told him to block me and i would do the same. He simply replied something along the lines of "okay. Yeah i think it's best we both move on." And that was that.
I did block him on everything. I forgot about it for around 3 weeks, and then I will be honest curiosity got the best of me. I unblocked him and checked his reddit profile. He didn't block me even though I must've really hurt his feelings. He made so many posts on suicidewatch or other subreddits talking about killing himself, or how he doesn't deserve to be on this earth anymore. I felt really bad, but I thought it'd hurt him more if I suddenly re-entered his life, so I didn't. Every now and then I'd check his profile to see how he was doing, and I did again today. Just yesterday he made a post saying how he couldn't handle it anymore. Then he made another one titled "i'm sorry", with a picture of what I assume is him holding a knife. I'm scared. I think it's my fault, because I basically told him that his only friend doesn't want to be friends with him anymore. Do i reach out? I don't know if he actually went through with it. Help please.