Happy birthday poem for my grandma

Hello everyone, thanks for reading
For context, I’ve known him for almost 2 years now due to us living together. (I live in my mums house and he rents out the spare room) my mum only comes back twice a month to visit.
At first I thought it was too good to be true, the way he was treating me was amazing. So slow and respectful with things, paying for dates, bringing me gifts, telling me he loves me, and booking a holiday for my birthday.
I had a really bad gut feeling though that he wasn’t over his ex/ it was all too good to be true maybe he was cheating on for me for e.g (not sure why, maybe because he was still following his ex and her mum on Instagram).
Since then my mum says she has noticed a change in his behaviour, that he is not as considerate as he was e.g leaving bits like a ladder and mattress in the hallway and not opening windows and wiping surfaces dry like she asks. She also said that she doesn’t like the way he talks to me.
He makes jokes about my fake hair, about me not working hard in the day and makes jokes about what I do in the day. Also that I wouldn’t understand how expensive things are - like an MOT since I don’t have a car. He says his brother thinks he shouldn’t have to pay rent here anymore and then shortly after kept on saying how he needed help financially. He also makes mean comments about my dog saying his tail is stupid etc. He doesn’t like it when I go to resturants or places with my dad that we were meant to go to together either and makes me feel guilty for it. He says he loves me constantly and I am forced to say it back all the time otherwise he gets upset. He was jealous about my co worker, and doesn’t seem happy for me if I am going to a nice spa day with my mum or have treated myself to a new pair of sunglasses. “And you need another pair of sunglasses?”. He also told me he wouldn’t like it if I made more money than him and that he doesn’t like that I have gifts from my ex
The things that bug me the most at the minute is when he tells me to smile and constantly makes comments on my mood “you seem sad/grumpy.” “Can I see some happiness.” It makes me question if I am sad and grumpy, even when I didn’t think I was. He also doesn’t want s** as much as I do and makes me wait for it which is fine but it makes me feel unattractive to him. When he gets back from work now it also seems like he just wants to spend some time alone laying in bed.
I also worry if he just wants to use me to get on the property ladder since he makes comments about how my mum and dad will definitely help me out with a deposit and that he wants to beat his brother. Yet his parents cannot.
But besides all of this, he is a loving boyfriend I do believe, he texts me all day whilst at work, does compliment me, takes me on dates and trips and I still get the occasional gift, we laugh and he mainly cooks. He is also still paying the rent, drives us, pays for our groceries and dates. He says we need to save next year though for a house meaning less holidays and dinners next year
I have told him I am unable to help as much as I’d like due to currently going through redundancy. I do pay for some of the trips we have planned, do all the house work, gift him and sometimes pay for cafe dates.
Please tell me if I am overreacting? Your thoughts? Maybe it’s all a little intense right now due to us immediately living together and myself being made redundant, my grandad passing and having glandular fever. But this is my first proper relationship and I’m unsure if it’s right.

Hi all ,
Its been two months since we broke up , I am 32 and she is 31. We were together 3.5 years and really fell for this girl.
Well.. I initiated the breakup and told her I wasn't happy because she emotionally shut off from me and didn't appreciate nor value me. Her manipulative mother and sister were also very involved in the relationship telling her how to run things and control me. I did not like that and it caused a lot of conflict.
I told her that I was willing to work on the relationship. She didn't engage and she shut off even more and we've had no contact since, none whatsoever. She had my stuff ready to collect the next day and that was the end of that. I was heartbroken. Her friends removed me from social media too.
I've literally done nothing but give her anything she wanted in the relationship. Her ex cheated on her twice and she took him back twice which hurt me even more because I was loyal and nothing bad had ever happened.
It was her birthday over the weekend and I left her a nice birthday card that wished her a wonderful day and that I would love for us to connect sometimes. She hasn't even acknowledged it or even say thank you or anything :(
​

we’re currently at different colleges and last week we were not able to talk on the phone because my girlfriend was having exams week, and she had to share the room with her grandma. throughout the week i was overthinking as it was so hard for me to be without her but she seemed to be okay and it was hard for me to understand, i didn’t want to burden her with my thoughts so i kinda kept to myself until last friday where i told her i was overthinking and that i really missed her, that i really need to be with her this weekend (when we would be able to) and she reassured me and was happy we could be on call together. on saturday night, after waiting throughout the day to call her, we greeted each other and talked for a couple minutes but all of my emotions suddenly hit me and how i wanted so badly for her to tell me she truly missed me and she truly wanted to be with me, and she tried asking me what was wrong but i just couldnt bring myself to tell her because i was being selfish but she was falling asleep at the same time so it felt like she couldnt bother to stay awake to be with me, i was overthinking so much. she ended up falling asleep as i was talking and then the next morning i told her how i was feeling and how it felt like the whole week i was missing her so much and worrying when it felt like it didnt bother her. she told me that how dare i say that when she was so busy and she feels like she does everything for everyone else, and shes right, i feel so bad. she then only texted me once throughout the day (she said she needed space from me, but was also busy, and that we would talk about it later) and 10 hours later she said she was going to finish her skincare and then we would talk.
but she took way longer than she normally does so i got worried and scared and i was afraid she mightve hurt herself and that she was ignoring me so i spam called her and texted her, and eventually she answred and said “im sorry i fell asleep i was texting you to update you but i was so tired” and i said in a stern tone to “show me the text then.” and she didnt hear me so i said “you said you were sending me an update, so send me the text” and i have never spoken to her that way EVER nor ever showed any anger towards her but i was so lost inside of own head and overthinking it felt like i was worried the entire time for nothing. she was really hurt by this and said “how could you ever speak to me like that” and i said i was sorry im not thinking straight i didnt mean to and she kept pushing me away and i couldnt handle the frustration at myself and i said i need a break i need a break for a day, i cant do this rn i need to think. i didnt mean it, i didnt mean that i wanted a break for a day, i just couldnt help but feel like i kept messing it up the more i spoke and i just wanted her love, i just wanted her to truly want me and express it because i missed her. in a rash decision when she kept pushing me away i left the call and said that “maybe we should sleep alone tonight” and i regret it so bad, its so immature, it felt like i was high off of adrenaline and i said the wrong things. i called her back and tried saying sorry and explaining everything but she said she didnt want to hear me speak anymore nor want to be with me for the night, so she left the call and while she was sleeping i sent four paragraphs explaining everyrhing but she only said that “i dont know how to message you rn, ill read when i can” and now, days later, she has been extremely dry, and busy, we havent talked on the phone, and it now makes me wonder how she could keep being so dry and if she truly cares anymore, i know i shouldnt compare but i couldnt imagine treating her how she is treating me now if she ever yelled at me. but again, she probably feels the same with the way i spoke to her. we were doing so good, will she hold this against me forever? i dont think shell leave me, atleast not now, but im so scared, i cant sleep, all i think of is her while she goes throughout her day and she is dry with me.
here’s an example of our conversations:
me: “i’m home now, i know that you don’t want to be with me right now and don’t want to hear my voice, i know you need space, and my heart can’t handle you rejecting me, so i’ll give you time. i’m going to go to sleep now as my eyes burn and i can’t think properly. i explained all of my thoughts in the paragraphs i sent you, and i hope i didn’t say the wrong words or there to be a misunderstanding. i’m sorry for everything. you deserve everything this world has to offer, and i truly hope someday i’ll have the opportunity to give it to you. I LOVE YOU MWAAH”
her: “i’m home, i’m gonna do everything i have to do then i’m going to lay down because i have to wake up early. im sorry i couldnt read your messages. I LOVE YOU MORE MWAH.”
and she updates me dryly throughout the day and doesnt say much. it was our 8 month anniversay so i just took pics of what i got for her and sent them and its now been over 10 hours since she last messaged me, i cant handle the pain of her ignoring me like this, i just wish we could work it out. please can someone give me any advice, i just want to be a good person for her and to make her happy. i’ve tried to so hard to comfort her but she cant bother to listen to me and i cant keep pouring my heart out to be ignored, i know its my fault but it hurts too bad

On Saturday lunchtime my wife and I have a meal out arranged with very good friends which was booked weeks ago. It is in a fancy restaurant where there will be many courses and it will include wine. I intend to have some wine but aim to limit the quantity as I haven’t had any alcohol since starting MJ 2 1/2 weeks ago. My relationship with alcohol is a complex and interesting one which I would be happy to share here if others were interested? Suffice it to say I have drunk more than was good for me for much of my life over the last 40 years or so. How MJ interacts with alcohol interests me. Will I be interested in any wine? If so, how much? I will also ensure I remain well hydrated with lots of water.
My friend and I discussed the meal and whilst they were willing to cancel it, despite it being my friend’s birthday, we all agreed that we would go anyway and I will take this opportunity to see how MJ gets along with a diverse selection of high quality food. Parts of it will be easy for me eg not eating the bread and butter or the desserts. These meals tend to be protein heavy with a few veg and sauce/dressings on the plate. Without bread I can avoid mopping up the sauce and if they do serve carb heavy veg such as potatoes I can just leave those on the side. I have chosen to declare myself Pescatarian for the purposes of the meal as it is a set tasting menu and red meat really is a turn off for me at the moment.
It makes sense to me to go along, enjoy the experience and see what I can learn. Making adjustments feels like a key step for long term progress.

So, in May 2023, my friend (Em f23) and I (f28) had a conversation that started off friendly. Just chit-chat and funny anecdotes from the day. She brought up a situation with her coworker she enjoyed. It involved tourettes and one of her coworkers' specific tics.
I made a comment that I genuinely didn't think much of at the time. It was just some trivia I knew of and thought was interesting. Specifically that people with tourettes can 'catch' or involuntarily copy tics from other people with tourettes. It's something I learned from watching content made by people with tourettes. She made a comment like, "Maybe it's not like that, in this specific situation with my coworker."
Here's where I should have realised she was not interested in my trivia. What I definitely didn't realise was that it in fact made her mad, but I kept pushing anyways because I felt I was correct, that the coworker had picked up the tic from a well know streamer because it was literally identical. Em then stopped answering, after a couple hours of silence I asked her if she was actually mad about what I said and she responded with "Its fucking fine." Cue her not talking to me at all for 3 days. On the third day, she said we needed to have a sit-down conversation about boundaries because she "is having big feelings." her words, not mine.
I was so confused about what would have triggered her wanting to talk about boundaries when the conversation we had was a mild disagreement at worst. I would understand if I said something offensive, but I literally just said a fact and my opinion on her coworker, I didn't try to force her to agree, and there's proof of the streamer with that specific tic so it wasn't like I was lying to be able to one up her or something? I don't know, this whole part of the situation is incredibly confusing to me because she never talked about why that conversation triggered her to give me the silent treatment in the first place or how it led her to wanting to talk about boundaries. In the end, the boundaries she talked about much much later had nothing to do with this conversation even though it seemed to be what caused her to want boundaries. Idk, I'm still very confused about what actually caused her to want to have the discussion after the three days of silence and a minor disagreement.
At this point, still May 2023, I was in severe pain, but I did not know it was cancer yet. I was barely making it through each day with how much I was in pain. The tumor is in my leg, growing out of the top portion of my tibia in a way that has made the tibial platue hollow, or essentially a whisper thin shell of bone filled with slime, sorry but that's the best way to describe it. At any moment, my surgeon told me this later, I could have broken that thin bone and had a collapsed knee joint. I say this so you you know when I talk about pain here, I'm talking excruciating levels of pain.
So walking specifically and everything else was extremely painful, and that was taking a lot of energy and brain space. I told her I was in a ton of pain. I was exhausted and barely scraping by just to keep working while waiting for my doctors visits to hopefully figure out what was wrong. I said I would try to find a day to have "the talk," but things just kept getting worse. By the end of July I had seen four different doctors, three of which thought I was just trying to get drugs, the last one was an orthopedic doctor and she took two minutes of looking at an xray and another minute of looking at my leg to say I most likely had a tumor.
The official on paper diagnosis came in September because of the waiting time to meet with the surgeon, but we knew it was a tumor in August. I was put on essentially bed rest from august to the day I had surgery September 27th. I told Em about the tumor the day I got the MRI results which I had in mid August to prepare for the appointment with the surgeon. Her response was extremely upsetting to me.
Em: "That's a lot to deal with. The possibility of having a malignant tumor is scary and can make you really question life. When you're put into a situation like that, it forces you to look back on your life and reevaluate. You find out what you really want out of life and what you waisted too much time dealing with. That's really tough. I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't talk to me about your pain. Being more supportive of each other was something I wanted to talk about. Hopefully, you have a sweet and easy recovery."
That response hurt, it felt like she was saying I had a lot to regret in life and like I didn't have much time left to live to fix my regrets. But I thanked her for the empathy she tried to give and moved on. After that she never checked in on me, never asked how I was or what the plan of treatment was. My surgery was scheduled for the end of Spetember, the day after her birthday. I wished her a happy birthday. Then I let her know after the surgery that everything went well and that I was going to be in the hopsital for a few days. I was loopy on strong pain meds so i also told her that my nurse drew me a cute doodle on my white board, she said ".That's great! Hopefully you heal fast so you can go on a date with her. 😉" which was totally out of the blue. I havent dated anyone in the time Ive know or been friends with Em. Im asexual, and an extreme introvert, dating is not really my thing and she knows this. So that comment was very weird to me. After that she never even texted to check in on me or tried to visit me in the 5 days I stayed in the hospital after the surgery. Keep in mind, we are supposedly best friends.
I almost considered our friendship over by then, but I reached out to her when I was pretty much back on my feet to see what was going on and asked her what the conversation about boundaries was about. I apologized for being too chicken shit to ask about it earlier because I don't do well emotionally with getting criticism even when it's valid and I know I need to hear it. On top of that I was (and still am) dealing with fucking cancer. Not an excuse, it is an explanation though. So I apologized.
Her responses here, copy and pasted from our messages:
Em:
"First off I want so say that it's very respectable that you are willing to admit what you did wrong. Thank you for the apology.
Secondly, I don't know if the the conversation is still worth having. I'd be lying if I said I was devastated that we dropped off and didn't communicate for months. To be brutally honest, my life has drastically improved in our time apart. I'm so much more effective and positive. I'm very proud of how far I've come.
That's not to say I believed that you were the soul cause of all of my misfortune. In fact one of the boundaries I wanted to set was actual planned dates instead of spontaneous ones. Because I realized that I was using you like a form of procrastination. I couldn't do the things I needed to do because I chose to hang out with you instead. With my main distraction gone I've been able to thoroughly work through my shit, mental and physical.
When we last hung out I remembered feeling dark and heavy afterwards because it was nothing special. It was just a normal outing for us. I remember feeling angry that what we should have talked about wasn't addressed. Annoyed that it seemed like nothing had changed and that I had not changed. And scared that opening up communication could lead to me falling back into the pit again.
I don't know if we should have the original talk because so much has changed for both of us. We both equally walked over our own thresholds of hell. What I had to say months ago, I believe was true then, but I don't think it will be true now. I think it's quite possible for us to start anew and correct and develop as we go. But I think it would be just as easy to admit our friendship was a great experience. We were there when we needed each other. But it might be time to go our separate ways.
I will say, if we collectively choose to merge back together. I WON'T let it be the same. I don't want you to tell me every tiny dark secret. But I do want you to tell me that you want to stop at game stop and ask me to take you somewhere. Without fear of gas. I want you to tell me if it pisses you off that I take you to only crystal shops or that I talk about spiritually. Because I want to improve. I have no intention of continuing a relationship that doesn't inspire growth or bring me positivity."
So she stopped talking to me, because she had no self-control. She abandoned me during the worst medical crisis of my fucking life, because she doesn't know how to manage her time or her motivation. She punished me, for her problems. To be very specific the spontaneous hanging out was nearly 100% on her. I would ask to hang out rarely, because I never had the chance to because she would be asking to see me multiple times a week.
I'm not a social person, so other than work I don't have much going on and she was my best friend. I wasn't going to say no if I didn't have any other plans. She never brought up that she was procrastinating anything by hanging out with me. Never a peep. Never a hint. Nothing. I had no idea any of that was going on. If I did know I would have been 150,000% there to support her by asking how her goals were going, how her chores were going. Hell I would have helped her do chores as our hang out if she had asked. I did help her with some stuff. Painting her head board, rearranging and cleaning her room, working on crafts when she needed motivation to finish a piece for a friend, being a study buddy when she needed to focus on her mental health books, things like that.
Also in what world is learning to be accountable for your own actions and vacuuming regularly the same as going through cancer? I don't like comparing pain or life struggles usually, but this was a crossed line for me. For her to say her dealing with procrastination was an "equal threshold of hell" as my bone eating tumor and excruciating pain and the fear of it spreading to other parts of my body, it infuriates me still to think about that.
So I am now hurt and angry as hell, that she stopped talking to me over seemingly nothing that I did. I had no idea what was going on with the tourettes coworker conversation that ended in "its fucking fine" from her and then her next message was about her needing to set boundaries. And then she says her life is better without me in it.
Friendship effectively over. Or it should have been.
Here's where I'm a bit of an asshole.
I took her back. I said we could try again. That we both needed to improve but that we could do it better this time. At the time I genuinely believed it. For a couple weeks.
Then the more I thought about laying in that hospital bed, alone, wishing I had someone to distract me from the pain and fear, the more I started to realise her reasons for cutting contact was bullshit. Her wanting to have this big talk about boundaries and the boundaries she wanted were literally nothing I could do they were all her issues with her own decisions and there's was nothing I could change about myself to fix the problem she was putting 50/50 on my shoulders. Her saying her life was better without me when that whole time I was crying over missing her and trying to figure out what I did wrong where I fucked up, what I could do or say to fix it. It all just added up too much and so I sent her one last message.
"I've been doing a lot of thinking and going through my emotions and I think I'm going to step back from whatever this friendship has turned into. I'll be honest I feel betrayed that you didn't even try to support me going through cancer. I understand things were rocky when I got my diagnosis, however if our friendship was important to you on any level I can't understand why you didn't even text me to see how I was doing for months at a time when you knew I was going through one of, if not the most, difficult medical diagnosis humans can get. I felt completely abandoned, especially since the reason we even stopped talking and hanging out was because of your own procrastination issues which I had nothing to do with. If you had even just told me that you needed to get things done before we could hang out I would have supported you unconditionally. Instead you gave a vague "we need to talk about boundaries and being more supportive of each other." And then never supported me in the darkest time of my life so far. It's taken me a while to get to the root of why I feel the way I do, but I don't think I can just let this go like I wanted to. I loved being your friend and it always felt like you valued my friendship too, until you were cutting me off because of your poor time management. I know that will sound harsh, I'm sorry, but it's true. I have my own issues that hurt you, I know that and I really am sorry. I am sorry I could never reciprocate financially, I'm sorry you were the one always picking me up and driving. I'm sorry that I never gave you the birthday or Christmas gifts you wanted. Thank you for all the amazing times. Goodbye."
To clarify the gift thing, I have been very poor for a long time. I am neurodivergent and I struggle to hold down a job. But I hand made her gifts, or cooked for her. The last thing I made for her was a crochet mandala blanket, please look up Radiance Mandala Blanket to see how much effort I went to, she picked the colors and I made her a lap blanket version for christmas 2022. It took her less than a month to complain that she wished she could have picked the colors. SHE DID. I told her to pick a pallet of colors specifically for her blanket and did my best to match the colors she picked with yarn I already owned. It wasn't perfect but I got it as close as I could. I don't like to make a big deal out of things I do for people because giving to the ones I love is literally the easiest thing in the world for me. But to have her act like I didnt try to make it as perfect for her as I could hurt so much.
Anyways, back to me telling her I was done. Her reply back pissed me off, maybe because I was already angry. It felt so patronizing and dismissive. But that might just be because of all the emotions I was already feeling at the time I read it.
Em: "Your feelings are valid. I'm sorry I made you feel abandoned in the hardest time. I wish you the best of luck on your way through life. Fall in love, have your farm, raise your kids, craft wonderful creations, enjoy the many YouTube videos to come, and don't forget to live your best self. I'll take this harsh lesson and apply it to friendships in the future. Live long and prosper, my friend, and have many pleasant wanderings."
Harsh lesson my ass. If it was harsh for anyone it was harsh for me to learn my best friend gave absolutely no shits about me and couldnt be bothered to try and support me through this medical crisis. We haven't spoken since. I have her blocked on everything. So, aita for cutting off Em? Even though I'm angry, I'm conflicted because I still love her, she was my best friend for 6 years.

My dad is a narcissist, however he affected me less because I always expected it. I left home recently because it got physically dangerous for me. I ended up moving with my grandma, and she is a narcissist too. She affects me more only because I actually cared about her and she pretended to be nice only to discover she’s just like my dad. I will go to see my boyfriend and she tries to control me, so she says “this early? Already so soon?” Or my favorite “it seems like you are only here because you only care about your boyfriend.” Which is not true. She makes every situation appear like I’m not meeting her needs. If I sit in bed at all when it’s daytime I’m “disrespecting her” I’m 21 YEARS OLD. I’m an adult and she treats me like a child. She interrogates me constantly and asks me “Where were you at this hour” and seems like she is gonna yell at me if I don’t come “home” by a certain time. Keep in mind I’m just staying with her temporarily until I find a place. I try so hard to keep her place clean, I keep it almost perfect yet she makes up reasons to be mad “there’s chocolate everywhere” when there’s not. “You’re so messy you’re like a pig” when there’s one crumb under the table. I try so hard to be perfect but no matter what I do I cannot make this person happy. Apparently my whole life revolves around them and I only live to serve them and obey them. Any tips on being able to actually live my life and avoid jabs / de escalate these specific situations like when I want to see my boyfriend, etc. I am a nervous wreck, she’s constantly slamming stuff and loud noises scare me from previous abuse, and she’s doing it to assert dominance like narcissists do. How can I stop being nervous? How do I stop being so scared of her? Every conversation she’s jabbing me, making a hurtful joke, interrogating me, or acting as if I’m hurting her or not meeting her needs when I am just being a normal human. Help me. I wake up several times /can’t sleep bc of this anxiety and cry all the time.

Apologies for the long read ahead, just trying to give context 😅
(I'm SAI if that matters, no pituitary tumor, not caused my steroid use, they aren't sure of cause, possibly post partum hemorrhage and secondary post partum hemorrhage but endocrine aren't sure.)
Tips on sick dosing on hydrocortisone for tummy bugs? My normal daily dose is 10mg waking, 5mg 12-2pm 5mg 5-7pm (depending when I wake and take first dose)
Last weekend I caught a tummy bug from my kids, had doubled my dose, and I didn't feel too bad, threw up maybe 5x throughout the course of it. Come Tuesday I went into my doctor for routine bloods.. Dr didn't even take my bloods, my BP was 83/something and HR 144 and he rung me an ambulance and sent me straight to hospital from the doctors surgery 🙃
hospital had me on 24h fluids and 6hrly IV hydrocortisone 100mg.
Wednesday night i was allowed home again and told to take double my dose for a few days.
Friday was my beautiful daughter's 9th birthday and we had her best friend stay the weekend, was a busy weekend but was great, then yesterday (monday) I had awful abdominal pain and a very upset stomach, was on the toilet most of the day (sorry for TMI) i thought maybe food poisoning but my daughters friend apparently had been up vomitting since 2am Monday, so I'm thinking it's actually ANOTHER stomach bug.
I've been keeping up my anti nausea and have only thrown up once, but the gut is really not happy still.. have taken double dose again but worried I'm doubling too much/often? BP 93/74.
Just after some advice around recurrent illnesses? I'm scared for the winter bugs to come, only diagnosed in September, and have spent 7ish weeks all up in hospital since then with a multitude of different problems, all in turn effecting my cortisol, and I'm just wanting to avoid hospital as much as I can, my babies (9y and 6y) need me home ❤️ but of course they need a healthy mum too.
If you managed to get this far, thankyou ❤️

Two years ago my best friend invited me to his university graduation in july, and even asked me to be in his photos beside his family (we had been friends for seven years at that point). I was very honored, but he invited his boyfriend too.
Now, I had never met his boyfriend before, but I knew my friend loved him to pieces so I tried my best to get along with him (I'm not very socially skilled). We got along great, but I think I tried too hard because after my friend graduation he started being very cold with me.
I think it's important to say I moved away for university after high school (We live 3 hours away) and the only form of communication we shared was through texts, and I'm a bad texter but I have always tried my best for him.
After his graduation he started being cold with me. His answers to my texts were short and icy for months until he stopped answering me. I think maybe I talked to his boyfriend too much, or I didn't pay him the right amount of attention in his graduation, but I'm not sure because when I asked him what was wrong, that he could tell me what did I do he insisted that everything was fine. That nothing was wrong.
That year (2022) he started ghosting me in september and then started texting me pictures and videos about cutting bad people from his life and resenting others in the first days of february of 2023. Which were very obviously things he thought about me. To this day I don't know what I was supposed to answer to those texts (I only sent back sad faces).
And then that month in valentine's day he suddendly started acting normal again. And he even asked me why I hadn't send him a Happy Christmas and New Year text in december (which I had been doing since we were sixteen). Honestly, I cried of anger that day because I had actually grieved our friendship already.
I went to visit him somewhere that year for his birthday in May, to test how he acted in person. We went out to eat but it was a very tense hang out. After that, thinking about fixing our friendship and about what should I say and what not (to not upset him) made me so anxious that I ghosted him after May until October(not my best move)
He started sending me again passive agressive images about bad friends but started talking to me again anyway. In December I went to visit him and the two of us went to his town fair. It was less tense, but our relationship still felt very stilted.
After that we texted until early february, and then he ghosted me almost two months until the end of march to wish me happy birthday. Which I answered with ghosting him until this month to wish him happy birthday too.
I feel very guilty about ghosting him but my mental health has been a mess this year, and thinking about texting him has only made me anxious since his graduation. I don't know what to do anymore, or how to talk to him. I don't even know if we are still friends.

This is mostly a rant about the grief I feel about losing a couple of my friends. In general I’m a fierce friend, very loyal and very supportive to the circle of people I call my own. It just so happened that over the past year I realized how I was putting in way more effort into a couple of friendships than I was getting happiness out of it, but I was doing it because I wanted to be a good friend. Over time I started putting myself first and enforcing boundaries about what I can and cannot do and that has eventually resulted in me losing touch with those friends. Which confirms my initial instinct that they were my friends because of all the effort I was putting in!
Friend A (30F), B (28F) and C(27F) have all been good friends of mine for years, one of them since school and one since college. I have gone above and beyond for them whenever they needed me, or they were in trouble. A went through a breakup and I’ve helped her through it, listening to her rants and breakdowns for almost a year. B was depressed for a while so I flew down to stay with her for a bit, cleaned her apartment, got her groceries, took her out to cheer her up. C was struggling a lot in her personal life, she would call me any time of the day/night crying when she was drunk or high and vent to me about how lonely she felt in a new city. so I surprised her with a visit too. I believe I have always been there for them and I’ve been a good friend. I send all of the gifts or a cake for their birthdays, I love making other people feel special on their birthdays.
Recently I had a personal tragedy, and none of them showed up for me. None of them even called me, they only replied to my texts saying no when I asked. C also gossiped about me, which spread, leading to my mom finding out about things she didn’t need to know. It felt like she broke my trust when I confided in her. B never reaches out on her own anyway, she only responds. A and C will only call me when they’re in need of help and crying.
It felt like a slap in the face honestly and now I can’t look at any of them the same way. I stopped initiating anything and none of them reached out. A was calling me while I was dealing with my personal tragedy asking for help with her issues. So I started enforcing boundaries and saying no when I didn’t have the mental space to deal with them. I had a conversation about this with A and how I felt and basically she said she didn’t feel welcome enough because if I wanted her to be there for me I would have arranged for her stay but I didn’t. This felt like a further reason for me to put myself first because clearly even when I was in need, A expected me to think of her first. B just didn’t reach out at all and when I asked she said she didn’t have enough PTOs. C texted me because she was mad that she heard it from someone else first and said she would have come if I had called her and told her personally. At this point I got really mad because I was dealing with my own issues and she was expecting me to put her first, so I told her what I expected from her and the rest was up to her, but she’s not going to get some personalized invite before everyone else because this is not about her and to not make it about her. She also got mad and said a lot of things, ultimately saying she wouldn’t come even if she could. In the end my mom called her separately, without me knowing, and asked her to come to be with me so she came. But she didn’t speak to me the entire time. I tried to talk to her and she only talked about herself and what she was doing but she didn’t ask me anything about myself and she said she was only there because my mom asked her.
All of this really opened my eyes about which of my friends genuinely care about me and are there for me, and I have actively started thinking of myself first and drawing boundaries with these friends.
But it also makes me think if I’m being selfish? Like was I good friends with them because I expected something in return, for them to be there for me? And because they weren’t now I’m not able to move past it and see them as friends. I just feel hurt and I’m not sure how to get over this. I don’t think I will ever go back to how I was with them, because I don’t feel that kinda love for them anymore. So does that mean my love for them was fickle? Am I a terrible person? Because I’m sure in their eyes I seem like someone who has just reduced contact with them because ONCE they weren’t there for me. And now I’ve basically lost them as friends. Why can I not get over this?
TL;DR: Enforced boundaries with friends who were taking me for granted and now I feel guilty

My BiL's girlfriend recently broke up with him. No bad feelings, she just wasn't into it anymore. He's sad but will move on, they're in their early 20s.
My wife and I had given her a birthday gift a few weeks before they broke up. She reached out to us and asked if we wanted her to give the gift back to BiL - we said no, we gave it free of conditions so she was welcome to keep it, but we wouldn't be offended if she preferred to give it to BiL. Whatever made her happy. She opted to keep it.
My MiL mentioned to us how she had hoped the ex would give the gift back to my BiL, we mentioned how she had got in touch and we told her she was free to keep it. My MiL was pissed - apparently it's not right to keep a gift from an ex's family and BiL would have more use for it.
What's the general consensus here? The gift was about £50, we'd met her several times and we all got on, it wasn't anyone's "fault" that they broke up. I don't think there's a problem with someone keeping a gift freely given, but my in-laws think differently.

I apologize that this is very long but I felt like I needed to get this off my chest.
My first long-term partner (K) and I were together for about 3.5 years. K was the first person I had ever gone on a Tinder date with. She was so stunning, my first word to her was an awe struck “wow.” Both of us said we weren’t looking for anything serious but we were immediately inseparable.
She was married (though they weren’t intimate) when we first started dating, so we kinda began as a poly relationship. Her husband was dating other people as well and we would go on double dates occasionally. I was happy with the arrangement, but the underlying issues in their relationship resulted in their divorce.
We decided to be monogamous for about 2 years. She was the first partner I had moved in with. Our apartment was shitty; the first one we were put in within this community literally had a pipe burst and flood the week we moved in, but we made it ours. We had arguments occasionally but we always talked things out and never went to bed angry. We adopted an elderly dog and a hydroponic garden in our kitchen table. We challenged each other to grow, supported each other, and were study partners while we worked towards our degrees. We were happy.
We decided to explore polyamory again because we felt like we had a solid foundation but had always preferred enm. We agreed to a non-hierarchical ktp dynamic and were entirely on the same page. She went on a few dates before I got a match (amab problems 😂) but I was consistent in my compursion; I was genuinely happy that she was going out and having fun.
Then she started dating him (S). S was an alcoholic living in an absolute shit hole, but we took him in like a stray cat. A few of the 🚩’s we ignored were that he unironically liked Joe Rogan, had extreme trauma and refused therapy, and he (claimed to have) killed people as a mercenary overseas. He lived in PA and was planning on taking a greyhound back to pick up a car. I suggested we drive him down instead. The trip went great and shortly after we got back, we invited him to move in. They had only been dating for 3 weeks and I expressed concerns about NRE, but K convinced me she would somehow not experience it.
At first, things were surprisingly good. There was a little bit of getting used to. They often had difficulty communicating with each other so I predominantly settled into a mediator role, but we were able to work through things together.
K finished her degree but couldn’t find work where we lived, so we began looking in PA. The plan was for K and S to work while I finished the last year of my degree and did the majority of the domestic labor. Once we got there, there arguments began spiraling out of control.
For the first 2 months, they argued almost every single day. S would become irrationally angry and then suddenly dismiss the topic. At the same time, K put all of her energy into her relationship with S. I told her repeatedly that I was feeling neglected and that I couldn’t keep acting as their mediator while getting no support myself. I was spent.
Then K got fired. I put my education on hold to work until she was able to find something else, and S took a job where he’d be traveling out of town for weeks at a time. I had hoped this might allow her the space to refocus on our relationship some. Every time he left, K would message S in the middle of every conversation we had, including when we went on the rare occasion we went on dates together.
Sex isn’t everything; what I craved was intimacy, but to try and keep things somewhat equal, K asked us to keep track of how long it had been since we had sex. We only had sex 5 times in all of 2023, while they had sex 5 times the first week we moved to PA. It was hard not to compare relationships when we weren’t even intimate on our 3rd anniversary.
S was completely self absorbed. Once he came home from work and I asked how he was doing. He talks all about his day, walks off to the bedroom and asks K about her day like he didn’t care about me at all. I decided to see how long it would take for him to initiate a conversation with me, and we basically just stopped talking entirely.
His alcoholism was also getting worse. He began drinking while arguing with K and got so drunk he could barely stand. My father was an abusive alcoholic and I was getting worried that things were going to become physically violent, and I know I wouldn’t just sit by if he became violent with K. One or both of us would have died. When he screamed at K on the balcony from 9:30-11:00pm because I ate some leftovers he wanted to eat (not even all of it), I knew something needed to change.
I had made it clear by this point that I wanted S to move out while he gets into therapy, but K refused to ever broach the topic with him together or alone. I suggested couples therapy since my therapist was familiar with enm, but they both refused. The only other option that I saw was for me to move back in with my family to protect myself. K and I agreed to try a long distance relationship while things settled down. All I asked of K was a single 30 minute phone call each week.
I left at the end of Nov, and for the first couple months things were going as well as could be expected. I enrolled in school, began working out, and had a good therapist. I gave K nearly my entire final paycheck to help cover rent while they found a roommate and they agreed to take me off the lease once they found one. In therapy, I came to realize I was still harboring some anger because the way our relationship dynamic changed once we moved was basically cheating. I eventually told her that we couldn’t have a real relationship while they were still together. She didn’t really seem phased by it; she sent me a sweet gift for my birthday in Jan, we talked about how much we missed our life together every time they fought. We even planned for her to come visit when she got her tax return, partly to bring the last of my belongings and partly to visit and feel normal again.
In Feb, K confided in me the verbal abuse had escalated, that S was threatening to kick her out unless she began working despite dealing with serious medical issues (not to mention we were all 3 on the lease together months after they found a roommate). I didn’t have enough money to keep going to therapy and the phone calls became less frequent. I was becoming extremely worried for K, constantly checking the shared location data to make sure she was still alive. I would spend days crying at a time, unable to get out of bed. I fell behind in school and even confided to K I was beginning to feel suicidal.
In mid-March, K affirms that we can’t have a real relationship, that she is going to try to make things work and was in couples therapy with S. K cancels her plan to visit without explanation, trying to gaslight me that we had discussed it but refusing to elaborate. I contacted K’s cousin because I was worried that S was manipulating her but I also wanted to respect her autonomy.
The lease was set to renew in April and I still hadn’t been taken off the lease (despite having a roommate move-in back in Jan) so I told them I wouldn’t pay my portion of the phone bill until they took me off as we had agreed. It felt callous, but it seemed like the only way to make sure I was off the lease. Of course, once I made it a problem for them they finally acted, but I hate that I had to strong arm them. Regardless, I upheld my end of the promise as soon as I got the change in writing from the office.
I was sick of seeing their faces in family sharing every time I opened my settings so I told them I was planning on getting my own phone plan. I tried to transfer my number, but the account was in S’s name. I told a csr that I wasn’t comfortable speaking with S. They told me they would attempt to contact him and get him to authorize the transfer for me, but he refused to answer their calls and messages.
For the last 6 months, they had continued using my dashpass so it notified me every time they ordered food in, and I would breakdown missing the life K and I had built together. I told K I wasn’t comfortable with them using my account anymore. K immediately pushed my boundary, telling me she’s just not feeling good that day and politely asked if she could use it. I relent, but the next day, I changed the password to reinforce my boundary.
The next day I get multiple failed login attempts, clearly from them trying to use my dashpass without asking. K asks if I changed the password, which I affirmed. Then S shut off my phone line without notice. I was forced to get a new number which messed with many of my digital accounts because of 2FA.
We’ve barely talked since then but today she changed her pfp to a picture of them smiling together with a bottle in front of S and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I deleted every picture of us together. I unfriended her, her friends, and her family. I deleted the messages, I threw out the stupid fucking “hold this until you can hold me” pillowcase, and everything else that makes me think of our life together.
They still have my late grandfather’s speakers and records, all of my power tools, and a couple paintings I’d had for a long time. As hard as it is to accept that I may never see any of those again, I’d rather have my peace.
Maybe I’ll find that peace one day, but honestly all I feel is hate. I hate that K wouldn’t choose me over S, that she gave up on our life together. I hate S for stealing my life from me. I hate the thought of them laying together in our bed. But most of all I hate myself. I hate that I was too cowardly to confront S, that I was too timid about affirming my boundaries, that I had so much hubris as to think K and I could withstand anything together. I hate that I still love K as much as ever.
There’s a good chance K sees this, and all I want to say to you is that I deserve someone who treats me like a priority. I deserve someone who doesn’t tell me I’m hard to love. I deserve better, and so do you.

I’ve (F23) been dating my boyfriend (M24) for the past 4 years since college. He has many great qualities like he cleans our apartment regularly, he doesn’t hesitate to help when I ask, and he’s generally non-judgmental.
I feel comfortable being open and honest with him in many aspects, but I feel like he doesn’t reciprocate in that way. I thought he was originally, but occasionally when I explain something that bothers me, he would shut down or bring up his issues with me that’s been bothering him.
It’s incredibly frustrating that he chooses these moments to come forward because it feels like it makes the conversations focus on him when I’m trying to say something like “hey I felt hurt when you did X. And I’ve noticed it’s been a pattern.” Usually if it’s something that happens once, I let it go because it doesn’t matter in the end, but it’s been focused around planning dates and gift giving as of late. He only really gets around to doing either during birthdays, Christmas and Valentine’s day, which I appreciate, but I’d prefer a once a month thing. In terms of gifts, I dont mind if it’s not exorbitant- flowers, cute little trinkets, artsy/plant related items would suffice. I moreso just want to have a little thing as a demonstration that he’s thinking of me and WANTS do something for me.
We had a conversation about it 5-6 months ago and we agreed that I’ll give him the space to initiate, but it’s May and the last time anything even happened was Valentine’s Day.
We had a convo recently and he stated that it’s because he’s stressed and procrastinating because he felt like he’s messing it up bad, which is why nothing has happened. He also asked why I didn’t initiate as well, which I was upset by the idea because we talked about him initiating initially? He also said he WANTS to do these things but he’s struggling to find the right gift or figure out the right date set up and I’m just confused where this pressure is coming from because I just want anything at this point, which I have stated multiple times.
I don’t know- I’m sort of just tired of it and feel like he’s all talk and really only commits to these things when the relationship is in an emergency. He’s setting something up in a couple of weeks but I don’t even know how I feel about it right now. I spent a lot of energy convincing myself that I’m asking for a lot just to cope and even expressed it. He always says I’m not asking for a lot so why isn’t he doing anything?
Ultimately I asked him to go see a therapist because I can’t really help him if it’s a genuine internal issue. He had been really resistant for a couple years because I originally suggested it because he used to shut down for seemingly no reason for a whole day and when I asked he would say he’d have no idea, but with our recent convo, he said he’ll do it.
I don’t know I should be pretty happy that he’s finally listening to my suggestions, but I’ve been saying the same things for a while, and now that I’m here I just feel okay I guess. As I said he has a lot of good qualities- like he’s super reliable otherwise in everyday life, financially, and emotionally support if it’s unrelated to him, which is why I’ve been with him.
Am I asking for a lot? Am I communicating incorrectly in some way? Is this worth it? Am I too tolerant or intolerant? What’s y’all’s thoughts? Got any advice?

Hello,
I am a 22F and am currently dating a 25M. I am about to turn 23 next week and I talked to my bf what I had wanted from him and I told him I simply wanted his time and attention and what not, however this week, I’ve been thinking of asking him if he could buy me my summer tires. I do reside in AK and my sister mentioned that I had wanted a piano.
When I got to his place, he immediately talked about it with me and said that he will only buy me what he thinks is necessary, which would be the summer tires. Hearing that he was only willing to get me a gift that is deamed necessary kind of disappointed me because I’ve been wanting a keyboard piano for years. I had to take a step back and understand that I did in fact need a new pair of summer tires for the summer. I declined his offer since I am prideful and did not want him to buy me a big purchase.
Later when it was dinner, I decided to tell him that for sure I did want my birthday gift to be summer tires. He looked a bit off putting and mentioned that he would only help me pay what I can’t afford…and at this time, I can’t afford the entire price of it ($800-$900 in total for 4 tires). He then proceeded to tell me that he “fucking spent about 5K on me.” Then corrected himself and said 3K instead and basically said I was the reason why he was so broke.
It did hurt my feelings that he thought like that because the money spent was on us. Dinners and movies and to the spa. I was shocked about the amount that he had spent on us but was more shocked that he blamed me about his spendings. Keep in mind that during the 9 months of us dating, I’ve bought him expensive gifts, took us to fancy high-end restaurants since he mentioned he likes those places, bought us groceries multiple times and paid for our dinners, drinks and movie nights.
Him telling me that made me feel like I couldn’t ask him for anything. Not even a simple request to buy honey (I cook) for us. Like, it did put it into perspective that maybe he just doesn’t care or want to pay for things that I want or ask of him. Rather it seems that he just does it to make me happy… also I don’t ask much of him to pay for this or that at all. I don’t even let him reimburse me when he offers and I don’t even provide him with my cashapp…
All in all, he said he would pay and treat me to a birthday dinner on the day of and if I really wanted the summer tires, then he’d pay for them. At this point I’m already disappointed with his previous reply. So I decline both offers since he obviously made his point known that I am the reason he spends a lot of money…now I just don’t want him to pay for anything at all. Not even groceries (he paid twice during the 9 months we’ve been together), or dinner dates, or even movie date nights.
I just don’t know what to do. And for his birthday I bought him expensive gifts and put a lot of time and thought into it. So knowing that it feels unreciprocated makes me feel like he doesn’t care at all and only keeps me around because I am convient to him. I cook and clean for him daily and take care of him…
I don’t ask a lot of him, I really don’t.

Wow, this one might me a long one.
So I moved to (undisclosed location) sometime in the beginning of last year. When I moved here I really had no friends but became heavily involved in this yoga studio I went to and slowly but surely started to make friends/acquaintances with the teacher that instructed me.
From afar she seemed super cool and I became pretty enthralled with her and her life. I would look forward so heavily to going to her classes every week and was quite intrigued by her. I thought she was funny, bubbly, spunky, cool, and always made jokes during class that made me laugh. As months went by I found myself wanting to get closer and closer to her, and she even invited me out one time to one of her “events” she was hosting. Here’s the thing;
It seemed like we had a lot in common and was just generally craving camaraderie and connection. I felt a sense of belonging with her and wanted to expand that energy in my life, and wanted to do anything I could to get closer to her for those reasons. But I guess this is where we have the first red flag;
One day after class, she extended an invitation to me to a meet up of sorts, (I’m being sparing with details just out of fear she might read this) and when she invited me it seemed like it was gonna be this big thing with lots of people invited, and just in general in talking to her it seemed as if she was very well connected and respected within her community, had lots of friends and connects, and I thought this was gonna be a huge thing that I was even lucky to be invited to. I was super stoked and exited about it.
However when the day of the event came, I was super tired and slow to getting up that morning. I figured I would just make my way over whenever I could since it seemed causal and like you could drop in whenever. I also figured there would be more than enough people that no one would really even notice my arrival or departure. (Plus, sometimes it’s chic to be fashionably late ;) ). Well…. I was most definitely wrong.
When I showed up I heard someone excitedly shout my name, which was her, and she waved me down to the “meet up”…. There was literally only one person there and it had been going on for 2+ hours. I was definitely a bit unnerved, but also didn’t want to be rude, and like I said I was just kind of happy to be there and be getting invited to things. But it was kinda like, damn…. Are these all the friends you have?
I had dressed up and looked cute but they were just kind of wearing whatever and I felt awkward and overdressed and also embarrassed now that I was even this late because it was clearly much more intimate than I expected and my arrival/absence was DEFINITELY felt. We had chatted a bit and that was cool but then I remember her confessing me that she had cried to her husband earlier that morning that she was scared nobody was going to show up and how thrilled she was that not only one, but TWO people had showed up and that it felt like she had friends. I wasn’t really sure what to say or make of that.
She also…. The whole time (and mind you, this is our first legitimate interaction out of yoga class) just kind of kept talking maniacally AT me, not to me, and was coming off almost even manic, and she had formed a white crust of spit around her mouth probably from talking so much that I couldn’t look away from. To say the least, I was a bit disturbed coming away from this interaction but I just kept telling myself that I was being too judgmental of her and to give it a chance and that maybe she was just hyper that day and that I had probably had unintentional embarrassing hygiene moments as well. So I keep going to class and that’s that.
There were several other red flag moments between this first interaction and the next one, mostly just her incredibly cringey social media presence that I genuinely almost couldn’t stand to see without feeling like I was withering away inside, but maybe I’ll save that for later. It’s almost like I couldn’t just see that the person I thought was so cool in class and the person I was seeing her be online and outside of class were the same people. But I digress.
She had actually ended up inviting me to go with her on one of her international yoga retreats, and I was actually very excited about this. I had very little time with her in between classes, and my attraction (but also repulsion) with her was growing stronger and I wanted to figure her out and see what she was really about and what the pull I was feeling towards her was about. Plus, I love travelling and just thought it would be fun.
I had a pretty good time, but we didn’t get to talk much, HOWEVER, I do remember this distinct point during the trip where it was myself, 2-3 other fiends I had made, her brother, and her “best friend” who had happened to be her brother’s Gf in a room together, talking. the brother, the best friend, and the other friend I made just all completely started talking shit about her and I was so confused.
I felt super hurt by this actually, bc I felt like I had a inexplicable bond with the teacher who had invited me, she was the reason we were all there in that beautiful place, and I just couldn’t understand why they were choosing to be so negative about someone I thought they had claimed (at least by title) to love. They would say things like “I can’t fucking stand your sister” (one of the friends I made to the brother) and everyone would just sigh and put their hands in their head and be like “I know…. I know. It’s a lot. She’s a lot”. And I didn’t have anything to add to the conversation because I was just so confused and I knew the girl would just be so upset if she heard them saying this. Anyway… that confusion stuck with me for a while after.
Fast forward maybe a month or two, I started hanging out with her more regularly myself outside of class. I would say this is when we became more “friends”. She would invite me to other teachers classes and we would talk a lot about our lives.
I learned how she felt about her close friend and family connections, and how she often felt hurt and betrayed by people close to her and how some of her friends were actually really shady. I just got a general sense of her feeling scapegoated and libeled against by ppl that got close to her and how she had walls up for that reason.
She also shared to me that most of her family was cut off, with the exception of her brother who she had recently rekindled a connection with, hence why he was on that trip. I felt very bad for her and wanted to be a source of comfort and support, and she would often comment on how she felt a sense of camaraderie with me since I also (LITERALLY) had no family and how we have to make our chosen family. This was a sweet sentiment, for sure, but I was still sussing out how I felt about her.
So one day, a mutual friend that had been on the trip with us was having a birthday party and I guess that she was invited to it, too. She sat down next to me and I was SUPER excited to see her as I was craving her energy and hadn’t seen her in some time. But then… idk. She had had a lot to drink. I’m fully aware that she’s kind of a quirky individual, and has a way of socializing which I can sometimes find a bit uncomfortable or even intense, (like the first meetup I spoke of) but this time it was even more and seemed to be heightened by the drinking.
Her husband was sitting on her other side and kept trying to interject and insinuate that maybe she was doing a bit much, but I think she was drunk enough to the point that she just found it funny and had no awareness of how she was coming off. There’s not even a way I can describe it really, but she just seemed a bit obsessive over me and kept making jokes that were literally not funny and seemed to have lost all ability to read the room. I also had noticed that she had only had TWO beers and was acting like this already which I found… really strange.
So at some point she goes to the bathroom, and I also get in line for the bathroom about 5 mins later. When I get up to the bathroom, she’s still in there, and there’s a line of about 2 or 3 people ahead of me. When she exits the bathroom she immediately spots me and rushes up to me and just starts… drunkenly spewing.
I can’t even remember what she was saying, but we were in a pretty high class establishment and I remember her gushing over me and was saying “I just want to let you know that I don’t really have friends or let people close to me in my circle but I just want to let you know that YOU are officially in my circle and you have earned friend status to me and I’ve let you in my circle…” or something like that. And I just kept thinking, who tf even says that??? I’m pretty sure the last time I checked that friendship is a two way street and it’s not just a title we bestow onto some “lucky” person and that’s that. Like girl… let ME decide if I want to be friends too first.
It was partially that, and also the way she was drunkenly spewing was so awkward and embarrassing bc I could tell all the other women in line were like who tf is this bitch and why is she saying all this weird stuff and like, does she even know you?? Lol. Just a very odd interaction which again, I kind of wrote off, but the unsettling feeling kind of just kept growing after that point.
Then, the time that I REALLY knew something was up came up about a month later, but there are still some key details of this story that are missing. Perhaps I will discuss them later.
SO. About a month later, she invited me last minute to this concert of sorts. When I got there, I was super excited to be there, the vibes were amazing and we were having so much fun. But she had definitely had a lot, A LOT to drink. I didn’t mind at first, because everyone there seemed severely under the influence, but she would just start randomly kind of lashing out at people in the crowd and she thought it was funny? She first loudly and audibly started making fun of some guys shoes in front of us, and was trying to laugh with me as if I would join in, but when his girl friend turned around and shot her a dirty look, she had the nerve to be self conscious and mad about it. She would loudly poke fun at other people in the crowd too, but not in a ha-ha way, just in a straight up mean and asshole way and I could not understand why she would even do that or why she thought that was funny.
Again, I kind of just awkwardly laughed and brushed it off. But when all was said and done and the concert was closing, she enthusiastically invited me back to go to her house and soak in her hot tub. I kept saying are you sure?? But she was like please, PLEASE come, we have weed, we’ll smoke you out and other things and I wanted to continue the vibes because it sounded fun. And then….. completely downhill.
I had arrived back at their place before she did, but as soon as I saw them go in I knocked. When I walked in, she was pale faced up on the floor, non verbal, pretty much motionless, and staring at the ceiling. I was like oh no… it seemed like she got a bit too much to drink. I waited patiently there for a few mins, unsure of what to do as I had just drove for 45 mins and I was still 25 mins in the opposite direction away from home.
I kind of just sat around, and hoped that she would sober up. I asked if she was drunk… she said no. She ran to her bathroom multiple times while her husband (a complete socially awkward case himself) tried to take care of her while she threw up. I asked her if she puked and she also said no. So I didn’t really know what to do. I was trying to offer support/ empathy but she just kept denying any claims of anything being amiss. Her husband left to pick up a pizza and I probably just should’ve left but I’m telling you I had no idea how to exit their house without making it weird or awkward. And I also was hungry. So I just stayed… and waited for the pizza.
What happened in those 20-30 mins, I don’t even know if I can fully explain. She just became… so FUCKING WEIRD. she clearly was embarrassed that I was seeing her drunk, and I think was trying to over compensate. But she just turned into an absolute freak show and I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life.
She started hoola hooping in my face, and making these weird gremlin faces and noises at me, fell to the floor, rolled round on the floor while continuing to make the noises, convulsed on the floor, but tried to do it in a funny way, tried to make an interpretive dance for me… I’ve truly never experienced something so uncomfortable in my life. I probably do sound like an asshole, but I swear you would just have to be there to see how a) gross and b) weird and actually scary it was. I was genuinely frightened.
I’ve never seen anyone act like that and I didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable or weird by showing her how clearly uncomfortable I actually was. so I just sat there and tried to laugh. But it probably came off as more of a grimace. And for the record, this woman is 33. I am 26. It was just. Obscene.
And she’s tried to act like and say multiple times that she’s like my “big sister”. Now I’ve seen a lot of drunk behavior, but not this. I wolfed down my pizza, and so did she, and she started to get even more philosophical and weird on me, showing me songs and art which were quite frankly some of the worst things I’ve ever heard in my life, and I left as soon as I could.
I was so shaken and disturbed coming away from this, because like I said earlier, I thought she was a cool girl, but honestly her behavior and lack of control over herself completely terrified me. And it’s not like she was drinking liquor, it was just damn IPAs. And I just did not know what to do.
Some details I will try to add to this story, even though I know it’s monolithic at this point , is that 2 months prior to this she had gotten fired from the studio she worked at.
She had a mental breakdown during class because the manager was being mean to her, and he fired her on the spot. I remember being so angry with the owner, (honestly he IS a piece of shit human being) but I thought he was being sexist by calling her mentally unstable and I thought the way he handled things was unfair.
I went so far as to boycott the studio and completely remove myself from it in support of her and followed her to her new one. After the drunk #2 incident, I didn’t hang out with her very much, and only saw her during her class as I was locked into a certain number of classes I had paid for.
I remember her telling me that she had just started at ANOTHER studio, and got fired 3 days after on her birthday and she was talking about how unfair it was and how much of an asshole that new girl was for firing her… and I believed her. AGAIN.
I went so far as to block that girl on Instagram too, but deep down I kind of knew that she had probably just been fired bc let’s face it… as I was starting to discover, she WAS a lot. and the studio was in an upper class area , catered towards more upper echelon people, and I just don’t think she was fitting that image. I lent her an empathetic ear, because that’s all I would want in that situation.
But where she fucked up was sending me screenshot proof of the text exchange between her and that girl, thinking I would take her side, and later sending me screenshots of another conversation she had with the OTHER manager. She told me that this new girl fired her for bringing her husband to class. In my mind I was like, oh no, is she racist!?! Because her husband was black. But no, that’s not what I read at all.
It was the most reasonable, level headed response to someone ever, and laid out multiple offenses and reasons she didn’t want her at the studio. The reasons were honestly so embarrassing that I don’t know why she would send it to me and think I would side with her. She recently also sent me messages with the other boss and the last thing he says to her is “I hope you get help for your mental illness because whatever you have is serious and will impact all your relationships and business and things that you do”. And honestly I can now say in retrospect that those were the truest words ever spoken.
When I read these texts, I had a look back at my whole relationship with and how she would always paint everyone else to be the villain and how everyone is so mean to HER… and the whole time the common denominator was her. It was always her. And it made me rethink everything.
I’ve even had extensive conversations with some of the other people on her trip that were talking shit and couldn’t stand her and they all told me the same things. How it seemed like she was the coolest person ever and had her shit together and seemed like she was going places… but deep down she was just an absolute mess and pushed everyone away from her. And I no longer felt like I was going crazy.
But like I said, she formed a really close bond with me (I think from her perspective) and said she felt like my big sister and family, and shared all these stories about her feeling isolated and shut out by people, but now here I am, doing the exact same thing to her. Icing her out of my life. And I just wanna ask you guys…
Am the asshole?

I (24M) I met this girl (24F). We talked everyday, snap chatting and calling each other. Everything was going great. We met up plenty of times, either going on dates such as the movies, random drives to outer suburbs just talking and listening to music, or she would come to my house and we would have sex. Early on she opened up about her life and some issues she’s dealing with, which made me trust her more and I started falling in love with her. She told me she was looking for a long term relationship which made me happy and hopeful I had found the one. She would talk about getting me birthday presents, drop hints about wanting to come over all the time and showed genuine interest in me and my life.
After 6 months of dating each other she suddenly becomes seemingly uninterested and distant. She wouldn’t initiate talking, replies were more spaced out, didn’t call anymore, left snaps on opened, stopped asking to see me and would claim to be busy or sick when I asked to see her. I knew something was off. After a week of her behaving like this, she then didn’t message for two days. This had never happened before so I sent a snap saying ‘I had noticed you not talking much lately and seemingly trying to distance yourself from me, is everything ok?’ She replied hours later with an unrelated snap, ignoring my question and concerns with her. After opening the snap I realised she had blocked/unfriended me on Snapchat. I tried calling, but she declined the call. It then hit me that it was over. I sent a text basically saying I wished she wouldn’t end it like this but goodbye and good luck in the future. She replied soon after saying sorry but she MIGHT be moving away in the next few months and doesn’t want anything serious, and that was it. 6 months of being so close to each other, so intimate with each other, so open with each other and she just leaves. It was all for nothing.
It’s been over a month now and I can’t get her out of my head. Everyday I think about her and what could have been. There are certain moments we shared that are just stuck in my head on repeat. When we were driving around at midnight and she was singing along to a song, I couldn’t help but admire and smile at her. When she opened up about previous traumas in her life, I thought it was very brave. When we were having sex and she would moan my name in my ear, or run her hands through my hair. When she would dance around my room without clothes and without a care in the world. When we would cuddle on my couch with her hand on my chest, her smell was intoxicating. When we would hug before she went home, she would always squeeze so tight and bury her face into my chest. I miss telling her to message me when she got home, and her happily sending one or calling soon after. I miss her enthusiasm and interest when talking about her work and studies. How could she just leave after that with only one text saying she’s moving? Does she not feel guilty? Did she even like me or was I being used? It was just so out of character for her to basically ghost me. It’s pathetic that it’s still affecting me this much, but I really fell for her. Fuck I miss her. I’ve even had dreams about her multiple times, then I wake up to a reality where we don’t even talk anymore.

For the longest time I’ve struggled with anxiety. I’ve been limited socially in many ways but I’ve always managed to get around it. COVID reset me and put me in square one. Sophomore year of high school I was in person for the first time in a year and a half and I was getting my bearings. I was in an IB program and separated from my best friend of 4 years. I felt stuck between my best friend and wanting to make new ones I suppose.
I did make new ones that year and I’m very thankful for it. I feel better just mentioning it I suppose. Well it’s just one friend and I don’t think he knows how much I value him. But that year I was feeling better and better about myself. Better than I ever had. I even developed feelings for a girl which I literally hadn’t since the first grade. I was beginning to think I was asexual or whatever.
I start dating her in the summer before junior year. That summer was perfect. I had a major surgery and she was there helping me recover. She’d bring me food her mom would prepare from her home of Ecuador. She told me she wanted to marry me. I did too. I was so in love. I still love her but like the title says I’m broken right now.
School stressed us out but we stayed through thick and thin loving eachother, communicating and respecting eachother. But something changed in her. She became more negative. More critical. She attributes her harsh tone to not changing her Spanish inflections when speaking English but thinking on it, it wasn’t always like this. She judges harshly, hates on everything and everyone, ignores what I recommend and constantly sleeps. Junior year she became “sick”
I say “sick” because there is no cause and she has had numerous consults and meets to figure it out. For the most part it has just been whole body pain but recently she just sleeps . Senior year really was the beginning of the end. She would yell at me and then “not remember it”. She’d feel slighted by my parents because we were not allowed to have sleepovers anymore. I didn’t care. I was still with her. But day in day out she would make me ask my parents to allow sleepover again. She had no respect for boundaries. One day we were supposed to have a date in the morning but for some reason my mom included my sister. My gf wouldn’t speak a word nor look at any of us . It could’ve been a bonding time because she always says how much she wants to be a part of the family. No, she was unbearably rude.
She says she feels pressured by my mom or unsupported. My mom has heard about her difficulties and reached out to the school counselor for hours to help her. Checked in on her , sent college and scholarship info. My gf jus leaves it on read. I don’t know why she feels this way.
For my birthday I wanted her to come to the beach for my 18th. It is mandatory that we sleep in the bunk which I didn’t mind. Of course she had a probe. Then we get there and the room is very dmall. Just fits the bed. She starts complaining . Not just on my birthday but my dad’s birthday . She didn’t even say happy birthday to him . Not to mention she seldom says thank you. She says she just forgets and she shows gratitude through actions but c’mon .
She was so offended by the beach trip she said she wouldn’t come to my house for an indefinite period of time. Then she would speak I’ll of my parents to hers. When we have invited them to thanksgiving, taken her on two beach trips and been nothing but supportive. I wanted to take prom photos but she wouldn’t even go inside my house. In fact she got upset I even said I wanted photos. My parents are confused why they don’t see giuli especially after this fiasco at the beach and they’ve caught on with her recent eratic behavior and sensitivity so they know something is up .
It’s been a burden on me. I wonder why do I love her? I do. She thinks everything is just fine right now. Which is part of the problem. How can she think everything is fine? I thought she wanted to marry me. How could she do this? She said she wants to get past this. Her family had the opportunity the other day. My medal ceremony for ib was the first time my family had seen my gf for months. My family went out of their way to greet hers and they actively retreated. Couldn’t look us in the eye and ran away. Let alone my gf who wasn’t there. I couldn’t find her until we were leaving where I found her and her mom in the corner of a wall and a door. I thought they were waiting for us because they couldn’t find us. Asked later and no, just waiting for her dad to leave the bathroom. My mom and dad and sister were upset at this. They were trying very hard to move past recent events and this ruined any chance. Why would they do this?
I’ve never felt special. Nothing comes easy to me. Just smart enough to be in IB but not enough to get into good colleges. Having such a meaningful relationship filled a whole in me and made me feel wanted and needed. I felt I had something no one else had . How could she do this? I’ve been ncrying wondering this all night.

((I felt a spark of creativity and wanted to write this and dip my toes into maybe starting to write fanfiction and what better way to start than my ultimate favorite ship!)) [Little bit of a sad excerpt so be warned]

 The rain came down in heavy sheets, pounding into her clothes with icy pricks along her skin where the water soaked through the fabric of her black dress. Her umbrella did very little to shield her from the weeping rain and the chilled winds, but she appreciated the cover for her tears. She hadn't cried tears like this since Nero, but for the last 6 months, she cried often, and didn't care much ti hide it anymore. Wednesday stalked along the grounds of her home, determined but defeated steps towards her destination. She took the opportunity to sniffle under the cover of her boots squelching into grassy mud. Her home was a simple 4 room Cottage on a 5 acre plot of land with a huge yard surrounded by thick forest. Once upon a time she this was paradise for Wednesday, but nowadays it's only a painful reminder of what once was. She had come alone, as she always did on this day, having left Thing in the cottage by himself. She did this same ritual every year, for the last Year, on the 28th of each month. It was June now, and the entire month had been dull blur of numbing dread and painful memories that once tasted oh so sweet. The storm clouds blotted out the sun but Wednesday wouldn't have been able to see past the spray of water to her face anyway. She made her way under a huge oak tree towards the back her land, in a clearing in her forest. The tree stood tall and proud, shouldering the burden of Wednesday's grief through a the front of its trunk, where the bark had been scratched off and the letters "WA + EA" were etched into the exposed wood. The solemn seer placed her hand over the etching, her tungsten wedding band sticking out along her pale hand. She shuffled a few steps to the right to stand before an ornate head stone, the crest of a wolf sculpted at the top. Wednesday gracefully sat down on the wet grass, not caring for her clothes as she tucked her legs to the side. She closed her umbrella and laid it to the ground as she carefully removed a hot pink orchid from her person. Carefully, the seer placed the orchid in the maw of the white-marble wolf. "When they told me you were gone, I screamed. I wailed and I cried and I screamed. As loud as I could. I halfway hoped that if you could hear me screaming on your way to the afterlife, you would turn around and come back to me," Wednesday said, her voice monotone and devoid of emotion. As opposed to the usual cadence to her voice, the words instead came out exhausted and beaten. Another round of hot tears began to fall as her bottom lip began to tremble. Wednesday stood, and ran her hand over the top of the wolf-statue's head, and placed a kiss on the nose. "Happy Birthday... Cara mia..." she spoke with a whisper. She didn't like the idea of disturbing this place with too much sound. It was her sanctuary, a final remaining thread of peace in a minute sanctuary she forged herself after she laid her heart to rest here. It was her favorite place after all, the countless full moons where she would lay with her wolf under the oak tree. Wednesday lingered for a moment, staring at the words etched into the marble, "Enid Addams June 2006 - January 2036 The Raven's Wolf, Beloved Wife" with a heavy sigh and a sniffle as the tears began to subside, Wednesday made her way back to the cottage that wouldn't feel like home anymore, not while her soul remained incomplete.