Happy birthday to my deceased sister

My husband is an avid redditor so deleting soon. My husband feels like I need to be more than polite to them, that I need to treat them like family. But they’re not my family. They don’t treat me like family. And I honestly really don’t like most of them. I know I sound like such a bitch but let me explain. His mother has an alcohol problem, to put it lightly. She has been caught stealing our liquor while watching our toddler (then baby) multiple times. Most recently, she (unsuccessfully) put out a cigarette on our balcony and it caught on fire. It was like a fire fire. About the size of a campfire. She also is completely different in her tone when she’s talking to me vs her son. For example, he confronted her about drinking our alcohol and she cried and sobbed to him, I heard it from the other room. Then she walked straight back to my bedroom and in the bitchiest tone ever said “did you tell X I drank your vodka?” Like she hadn’t just owned up to it??? She’s also told me I don’t have manners just because I don’t call her or her mother ma’am. I’m a 26 year old woman. One time, a year or so ago, I had some fraudulent charges on one of my credit cards from Las Vegas at the same time his grandmother took a vacation there. It was only like $8 but I thought I surely left my (very popular brand of) credit card at her house and she picked it up thinking it was hers. No biggie. Before I reported it to the company as fraud, I called and asked her if I had left my card there. She went ballistic and said I accused her of stealing. Which I honestly didn’t. I thought she made a mistake that i would literally make. Anyways, she held onto that for months, then used it as ammunition to not attend my son’s first birthday party. She still barely speaks to me. His brother and sister are fine I guess but his brother is strangely into himself and always taking his shirt off and flexing for everyone??? Idk thats not a real complaint just freaks me out. It’s just like this is a whole different family with a whole different dynamic than mine and I just can’t seem to fit in. My family is from the north, and his whole family is from the deep Deep South. Is that it? Am I just a spiteful wife?

So I (25M) went on a date just this last Friday with a girl I had met on the apps. We really bonded over a lot of shared interests as well as us both having similar families over text. We go on the date and it goes fantastically well. We were chatting as if we knew each other our entire lives. Yesterday morning I get a text saying that she doesn’t think it’ll work out because of my work hours. ( I work 4x10s ). We had talked about attachment styles and she did say that she was an avoidant / secure ( can those even co-exist ? ). So I was willing to take the relationship slow. Like I didn’t make a move on the date. I was really just focusing on having a great time than trying to get my Dick wet.
I’ve dealt with avoidants before to varying degrees. So I can’t tell if it’s over over or if she’s just doing the push pull. So the real question is. Would it be worth it to wish her a happy birthday on Thursday or should I just go no contact and hope for the best.
I’m totally willing to move on. ( can’t have ‘em all ). I’m just so blindsided I don’t really know what to make of the situation.
I appreciate any and all answers. Thank you!

I’ve tried to keep this brief, advice needed:
My dad disowned my sister. For her BPD. When I objected to my dad, he looked me in the eye and said he was incapable of loving her as she is. So I looked him back in the eye and said ‘that’s monstrous. if you want a relationship with me, you have to have one with her’ And that was the last time I saw him. I would text on his birthday and New Year’s Day.
That was my choice. As horrible as no contact with my dad is for me, it’s been absolutely devastating to my poor sister, who did not choose to never speak to him again. His treatment of her is the source of so many hurts.
It’s been nearly 15 years since that happened. Yesterday, dad’s girlfriend texted me: my dad has had a stroke and a cancer diagnosis and there isn’t much time left, will you come see him?
I know they won’t tell my sister. My dilemma is, do I tell her now or do I wait until he’s dead.
I think the good, moral, correct, fair thing is to tell her right now and give her the opportunity to see him one last time. But I know it will be Devastating. And she’s been doing so well lately, she even has a promotion interview on Thursday.
Has anyone been through something similar? Do I lie or do I upend her life?
(there will be no closure either way, he cannot talk at this point)

im horrible at titles so forgive me please. im home from college for the summer and today was my sisters bday. my family has this tradition of doing cake for breakfast/presents in the morning before school, but im not used to waking up at 6am anymore. its important for me to add, i admittedly have a slight substance use issue (but im not at a point where i feel the need to get help for it yet). its been years at this point and its nowhere near as bad as it used to be. ive always been responsible when drinking, even when im blackout drunk or throwing up (has only happened a few times but drunk me is thankfully very good with it).
last night i really just didnt wanna be sober, but i was completely irresponsible with drinking and passed out at 1-2am. my other sister woke me up at 6 so we could do bday stuff but i swear i was still a bit drunk, i barely remember it and i was so rude and horrible. we sang happy bday but didnt have cake and took a pic but i think i look horrible in it and im worried my family could tell. i was just being so mean and went back to bed. i later found out that my sister (the bday one) was also kinda in a bad mood (which means her and my mom were arguing) so i wasn't the only one who was off, but i still feel horribly about it.
i had been planning on sleeping early cuz i knew i'd hate waking up early but i stayed up super late and drank way too much instead, i literally dont even know what happened. i apologized to my sister later in the day and played off my weirdness to my family and i tried to act normal most of the day, but im still just so ashamed and i feel so bad about it. im trying to be nice to myself and remind myself of all the other times i or someone else in my family has messed up, cuz looking back all those other screw ups didnt actually matter however many weeks or months later. theyre my family and they love me no matter what stupid mistake i make. literally, my 18th bday was the worst bday of my life cuz my mom was horrible to me the whole day and i cried multiple times. i dont know wtf was up with her but i forgave her obviously and it doesnt even matter now years later. so im just trying to tell myself the same thing with my sister and her bday.
i dont even know if any of this made sense but i needed to get it out somewhere. im blasting music in my ears trying to drown out my thoughts.

My(18m) mom(40f) got into a disagreement with her fiance(46m) about weed pulling.
For context, we have been gardening as a family for a few months in our backyard, which started out as just a project from her fiance, before my siblings and i had met him, before they became friends again after 20-30 years. specifically the weed pulling, he's been pulling weeds from the garden so he can use the garden beds.
My mom has always been a worker, she likes physical labor, and her job has been a hotel receptionist. She hates it, but enjoys hearing the drama and making cookies and all the tips she gets for being nice. So after work she likes to check on the peppers, fruits, and veggies. On her weekends (thurs & fri) shes been taking it upon herself to deweed the garden. Her fiance said he felt hurt by this.
Their disagreement starts here, he says that the weed pulling was his project to begin with, and when she does it without him, it hurts his feelings. He wants to pull weeds with her, he spends all day working at the house (more physical labor) and would like to spend her weekends with her relaxing, and they can weed pull when its sunny, or before she goes to work (she leaves for work at 1pm)
My mom says that its her weekend and she should get to choose what she wants to do on her weekend, she didnt even listen to his argument, it was clear she was just waiting to respond. After he left to take a nap to subside his aggressive feelings, my mom turns to my sister and I and asks us what we think.
My sister does her usual mediation tactic to "find a middle ground" and not giving her opinion, but just trying to make both sides happy. I said "You should apologize" and she blew up on me asking "why should i have to? its MY day off!" "because it was his project first, and youre taking it over."
She didnt apologize, and has been sleeping on the couch instead of their shared bed. She won't talk to her fiance or me, just my sister and brother
AITA for telling my mom to apologize?

As the title reads - my mom reached out to wish me a happy birthday, unwarranted, today. My birthday is tomorrow.
Just having waves of big feelings right now - this is my first NC birthday. I've never been a birthday person.
Its just so stupid. Why now?
I know why. Its because several weeks ago I had to break a 9 month NC streak to contact her regarding an item sent to her for me by a relative. I know she volunteered to house the item hoping I'd break. Its a lovely handmade clothing item from an older relative who means a lot to me.
I spent several therapy sessions going back and forth on the item. Settled on asking for it back but refusing to engage with any other topics or discussion.
At the time, she simply said she would mail the item to me when I asked if I could pick it up. We hadnt spoken since, until Sunday when she texted me "Happy Mother's Day". I didnt respond.
Now this.
Idk what I want out of this post. I guess solidarity? Just the gall to step outside of "please do not contact me for any reason" to wish me a hbd on the wrong day. I feel like a child who has acted out.

My mom helped my father's elder sister's daughter to marry a good guy, everyone was happy, but suddenly he got heart attack (he was in army, and he was in camp that day), and we didn't even got time to save him. Now my father's both sisters hate my mom and dad, because they think we did it all this or whatever the reason is.
I really want to help her and her son, and I try to do whatever I can do to help them as well. But one day my Bua called my dad and said he will face the same fate that they have faced (They were more direct).
Now coming to my uncles, again father helped them whenever he can.
Now last week my mom got admit in hospital, because of some health issues, for a day (she was not well for few weeks now).
None of my father side family came to see her in hospital or went to our home in village to help her (they all live 25km away from village, and 2-3 km away from hospital). On the other hand, all my mother side of family was there.
They get so nice to me whenever I meet them, but dude if you are not good to my parents, why should I care about you.
We still are joint family, but all live in town with their family. And I wanted to keep the joint family going on. My cousins are younger, and they too are very close to my parents, but again bounded by their parents. Being an elder brother, I always get them whatever they ask from me.
But now I'm so disappointed.
Even after my grandmother said to my father's sisters, that my mom is not well, they didn't dare to at least ask how my mom is doing. My Aunts (uncle's wife) had no courtesy to come to village to help my mom. My mom and dad live in village just to take care of my grandmother, else I and my sister we both are working and had asked them to live with us 100 times. And in return we are getting this.
I don't understand if you don't like my parents, why you guys are so nice to me and my sister, just because we get gifts to our cousins, or fulfill their demands. My parents are like they are your brothers and sisters take care of them, we think the same, but again their parent's behavior toward my parents is upsetting me.
There was this incident when my grandfather was admit in hospital for 2+ months, and in his last time, no one came to see him (we were little away from our hometown, everyone says to me, I stayed with my granddad till his last breath, but I feel this now). My grandfather spent is life building their career, even supporting them financially till his last days. Why everyone is being so selfish?
Why?

As the headline says, I got some pretty mind blowing news today. For context, I’m the oldest of 4 grown adult children in my 40s, mom is in 60s my siblings are 12 years + younger with the baby 26. Long set up but I promise it sets the tone…My mom has always been very controlling of everything, utilizing her children as commodities for visits with family and other parents etc. I never knew my dad and when relationships ended with the other siblings fathers, they only got access on her say so etc which was not often. By the time I was 16, I was in high school raising 3 siblings ranging from infant to toddler. She was barely home working long haul trucking while stepdad at time was recovering from flipping his big truck. He ultimately tried to kill himself again in my presence with my siblings asleep (he was Vietnam vet with ptsd) one night and I stopped him and called for help. He went away for a few months but ultimately she brought him home one day months later, shipped my siblings off to my aunt and told me at 17, I had 24 hours to find place to live. I was still in high school but newly dating a guy who had lawyers for parents. They stepped in took custody of me.
Needless to say I was traumatized, she took off with stepdad and went back on road with him. I didn’t get to see my siblings often because they were hour away from me and I barely spoke to my mom. She ultimately didn’t speak to me till the weekend of my 18 birthday. She called to tell me to come back home and quit school to take care of siblings because my aunt was no longer going to do it while they continued to drive cross country. I was senior in high school months from graduation and said NO. She said she would never speak to me again because I was selfish and I couldn’t see my siblings either.
This started decades long cycle, I barely got to see my siblings as they grew unless I did what she wanted which as I grew up, I chose less and less to conform. I only got to see them at family affairs that I was invited to with all family. My grandparents came to my 1st wedding when she refused to. Ultimately the stepfather in questioned that she chose over her own kids in my teens left her and cleared their bank account of his inheritance money the night she came to my house to visit with my second child shortly after I gave birth.
She has been relatively a single parent since, she had to come off road long haul trucking because she had no one to watch 3 young children all the time. The siblings grew into teens and young adults with some major issues. The two older ones cannot stay out of prison, the youngest struggled early in teen years, I tried to help where I could but it was not easy. Their 1st born was in dfcs custody before 2 months old, I took guardianship of both child and parent but they did not stick around and did their own thing. After 2 + years of failed parenting plans etc, we adopted to keep them in family despite the fact my own children were teens at this point.
My mom was angry and said I should have left them in dfcs to disappear but later tried to say I stole the child. My sibling does not feel the same way but they are still very heavily reliant on my mom financially (she control their bank account and money) she would not let them tell me she was pregnant with 2nd child and I didn’t find out till they were 4 months old. They hid pregnancy and baby from rest of family. By the 3rd child we had a better connection but they are still very reliant on my moms financial assistance and when she does not want me to know something or participate in certain events they won’t tell us or avoid contact. I don’t play into the antics though and one of my mom’s biggest issues with me is that I don’t call/text her on daily basis as my siblings supposedly do. I’ve explained that I have a busy life of my own multiple times. I have full time job, manage care of a special needs child and assist with care of aging fil while running a household of 6 people. My grown children still live at home because college and living expenses are too much to handle in this economy.
I do make an effort to text or call every few weeks. I connect for sure on holidays, birthdays etc. I knew when she called to come over today it was important and I was available despite it being a work day normally. She came in bluntly told me about her widow maker heart attack and triple bypass surgery that occurred while she was out on a run in the truck. My sister and aunt where has power of attorney over her will etc was notified in time for them to travel several hours to another state to be there by time she was out of surgery. Per my mom she told them to notify those who called or were in her 2 week call history. Which apparently left me out. I went back into both my call log and text history and showed her our communication with in 10 days of the event and she said she had no idea about it, she was high on morphine at time. I showed her the multiple text conversations we had had since no more than 3 weeks apart between each conversation since January, asking why she never mentioned it during those conversations. She never answered my calls during that time but that was not too unusual. I had met up with my baby sibling a few weeks ago to get the kids together and they never mentioned it either. My mom has been living with them since the event full time and has not worked since. No mention what so ever. I did find out two of her own siblings were also left out intentionally as well and found out much later too. The only reason I found out today was because she found out she had cancer in her kidney and has to have another surgery soon and wants me to get test to make sure I don’t have it. She is not apologetic about leaving me out of the loop at all. She says I have to call her or text once a week in order to be considered for notification of such events.
I’m hurt, I’m flabbergasted and have no idea how to proceed. I’ve discussed cutting all contact with my husband and adult children in relation to mom but that means cutting contact with my baby sibling who is bio parent to my youngest, this cutting their connection to their younger siblings. The older siblings are easier because well honestly they are in jail more than not. I feel like this will never end and she will go to her grave trying to control the narrative.

I have been through sexual assault, Bullying, Got bullied, abused by my father, depressed, anxiety, trust issues and I keep on wishing to die whenever it's my birthday. My mom doesn't even love me because I reminded her of my dad, then her favorite daughter is my sister. My grandma only wants to use me for fame and something to brag on her friends. My mom body shames me for being skinny, I have one friend that has a heart problem. Then I suddenly have trust Issue when a guy talks to me.

My(36f) mom has a history of being both emotionally and physically abusive through out my childhood. As a kid she put so much pressure on me to perform in school. I was punished for anything less than an A. A bad report or a bad grade at school would usually result in some sort of abuse. When I went to college she said I needed be a doctor or a lawyer or a career where I could "make money." She was deluded into thinking I could do a STEM career even though I couldn't even pass an algebra class. I basically failed out of college.
It was a big deal for me to face my fear and re-enroll in my 30s. I just finished my masters degree and passed the licensure exam on the first try. My mom sent me a happy birthday text and I let her know that I had graduated and all she sent me was a "congratulations" text. She didn't call me or ask any follow up questions or ask about the ceremony. She wasn't remotely curious. My boyfriend asked the other day if my mom was coming to the ceremony. I started crying when I told him she didn't even ask.
I started daydreaming the other night wondering what it would take to get a phone call from her saying she was happy for me. Like would she be happy for me if I got married or had a baby?
After all this time I think I secretly believed if I could finish grad school she would finally give me the validation or recognition. But she couldn't care less, she didn't even do anything and it still hurt me. It sucks that this is one of the biggest accomplishments of my life and I am realizing I'm still holding out for my mom to be my mom. It is unintentionally super sad.

You make pretty regrettable mistakes when you're desperate. Unfortunately, desperation would go on to cost me much more than I ever thought possible.
When I was 19 years old my financial situation wasn't great. In what was left of a crumbling home would be my recovering addict twin sister, and myself. The unfortunate state of our home was all from the even more unfortunate passing of our parents just four years prior. The two hadn't died tragically by any means, thankfully. No.. our parents died of old age, a consequence of having us kids later in life, while not being able to take on the financial burden that would be.. us.
My sister was making the early steps into the college lifestyle, doing her best to stay afloat with my support in funding. Money was tight for the two of us, but as she became more well off on her own, the more content she was with severing the last remaining tie to her childhood.. me.
I didn't hate Xel for her decision, if anything I understood her distancing from this life.. even if it saddened me. So then it was just me! Left to a house with a hole in the ceiling. Believe it or not, life wasn't all to bad even with how considerably down in the dumps it otherwise seemed to be.
However, content as I might have been, it's human nature to want more than you have. Can't say I was to greedy to look for some comfortability in my own home..
And so there it was! The glistening letters of ink outlining my salvation. An advertisement I'd found plastered onto the wall of the small booth I sat at while I waited for the bus to carry me off to work. "$5,000 to those compatible for a recent scientific breakthrough." Under any 'normal' circumstances I would consider this a scam. Hell, I was skeptical as I scanned the letters. Had I been told of this opportunity through spam call or text I would've glossed right over it just as anyone else would have.. but I was desperate.
I think it was the fact that someone, some real person had to have put this paper up on this wall gave me some glimmer of hope for a quick cash grab. Listed bellow the promise of money was details for a number to call regarding interest in the proposition.
I took the bait.. I saw the line, and like some idiot I clamped my teeth down just for that hook to sweep me away.
The corporation I'd come to know as, "The Arsaction," would see me just a week later. There was a brief consultation. They took my weight, age, all things I would've expected. It wasn't until they pulled records regarding my familial situation that I began to find this whole ordeal.. suspicious.
To 'begin' to find things suspicious only at this point is foolish, something I full understand, but I feel the need to reinforce the fact that I, Lex McKarthy, was desperate.
Everything by this point seemed pretty legit. The blood tests, the doctors office, the tests were.. reasonable. What was I to suspect? Everything was so vague, and truth be told I honestly didn't even expect anything to come of this visit. All the doctors, all the consultants seemed so disinterested in my features.. but when they realized I had no one, everything seemed to change.
Suddenly ears perked, suddenly doors closed, suddenly I was.. exactly what they were looking for. Every feature of myself was so painfully average. I was anyman, I was.. nothing. Despite their best efforts to be discreate, I knew it was only the fact that nobody would come looking for me that peaked their interests.
My stomach dropped when I was faced with a pen in my hand, trembling over that NDA. Every fiber of me cursed myself for never considering putting just a minute of research into 'The Arsaction,' however a video briefing would ease my nerves. Nobody knew who The Arsaction was. There was no public record of their existence, and that NDA would make sure that they continued to never exist.
I was stupid, I was irrational, I was in over my head! But I was desperate.. and I had nothing else.
"I have nothing else.. I have nothing else!"
It was a mantra I chanted as I was injected with that substance. The substance that turned my blood orange, made my skin freakishly thin.
And then I went home.
That was it. I was given my sum of money, and I was sent home. They told me I was, "good to go," and no number of questions would get a one of them to speak. I was only met with who I'd assume to be security guiding me out of the building.
Not a word more of what I'd just been injected with, only given instructions to not dwell on mirrors for too long. That was it, just some ominous instructions. So I left, as befuddled as I arrived. Relief washed over me as I made my way home. The anxiety I'd received from such an ominous buildup was all waved by the fact that I was somehow just.. good to go?
Relief quickly turned to panic as the inherent nature of it all being too good to be true set in. I expected to die, I expected some visit from government agents, I expected anything and everything, but as months turned to years.. Nothing ever came of it. No mirror ever caused me any harm, which was its own anxiety I'd have to overcome simply because of the absurd nature or such a request.
I hoped it was.. some prank. Everything was well... for a time. Of course to disturb my peace, my sister called.
I just.. watched the phone ring. My sister, someone who I hadn't spoken to in upwards of 8 years was suddenly ringing me up. When I finally had answered, her question left me speechless.
"Hey Lex. would you happen to remember Mom's recipe for that egg toast? I think I left the cookbook at your place."
I felt my ears ring. The question was so.. casual. She entirely skipped the part where we discussed how she's been, how I'm doing. She spoke to me like we'd hung out only days ago.
At the time I'd thought I was just being dramatic, but looking back on it I can only justify my own hesitation to respond.
"W-..what?"
I stammered like a fool, but I was firm in my disbelief.
"Yeah, it should be in the book on the counter?"
I looked over my shoulder to my kitchen counter, past the toaster I never bought, and over to the book she spoke of. My jaw hung heavy, the whole interaction feeling like a dream.
With one hand I held the phone, and with the other I began to skim the pages of the book letting my eyes linger on mom's cinnamon roll recipe for a bit longer than intended.
"Lex.. are you ok?"
My sister inquired on the other end. I suddenly felt sick.. falling the the ground and laying on my back. This wasn't happening.
"Lex? Are you alright!?"
My sister repeated back more urgently, followed by her assurance that she would be over soon to check on me. But.. no company ever arrived. After hours the line just dropped, and I fell asleep there on that cold, wooden floor, paralyzed with a feeling I couldn't wrap my head around.
When I finally gathered the composure to stand I would try to call Xel back. A frown dawned my face when she never answered. Somehow this didn’t surprise me, and I was lead to believe that she had never called me in the first place. The thing is, the book was still on my counter, and her call was still logged on my phone.
Still, I hadn’t known Xel to do something like this. It wasn’t in her nature to do something so cruel, to act like all this time hadn’t passed.
But it has. Years have gone by and nothing but radio silence from her, a silence I feared would go on. The following days I would continue to attempt to call her, but to no avail.
I had to come to terms with the fact that, as quickly as she had returned too my life, Xel was once again gone. I’m ashamed to admit that, just as I’d forgotten that experience with The Arsaction several years ago, I’d forgotten about my own sister.
Even if she wouldn’t call back, I was inspired to begin looking through old family pictures, and this is where the oddities would start to fester.
I found a picture of Xel and I just.. eating breakfast. Usually my mom was off to work by then, but it was a special occasion. It was a day I remember so vividly. I was 14 years old at this time, and had awoke to the sweet smell of cinnamon rolls filling the air. After all, it was Xel’s and I’s birthday. All was right with the world, all as I climbed from the messy sheets in my dark room. It was abundantly clear that the bulb of the light beside my bed had burnt out over the course of the night, and the closed blinds didn't aid my vision as I stumbled around my room in search of my door.
An oddity presented itself in the fashion of aimless wondering. Where was the nob? One I'd become so accustomed to.. not needing to open? I'd never closed my door. Not the previous night, not ever. Not to the behest of my mother who'd always taken annoyance to closed doors, some trait of my grandmother's to which my mom had unfortunately inherited.
Breakfast took the form of two strips of bacon, scrambled eggs, and slightly burnt French-Toast. My previous assumption of cinnamon rolls unfortunately missed the mark, however I wouldn't object to this. I wish I could convince myself that I was wrong. Something so mundane, something so insignificant to the events in this story, however the first notable instance of a curse that I couldn't pinpoint
My mother had already seen herself off to work by this point, and so I was faced with the responsibilities of seeing myself out to the bus. Some routine I'd become far too used to; The minutes passed, leaving me with nothing to do but wait by the door for a buss that would never arrive.
If the door being shut and the cinnamon rolls being a different meal entirely had left me with a minor confusion, then suddenly being seated in the passenger seat of my mother's car listening to the nonchalant complaints from my twin sister about the nuances freshmen year math shot me into a disarray I couldn't possibly quantify.
I think one of the scariest things for me is the fact that I thought nothing of it. I hadn't freaked out. No scene was made to express what should have been one of the more disturbing instances of my childhood.
I could chalk up the mistaking breakfast for something else as me just misremembering events.. But something unmistakable is the fact that somehow my mom both never drove me to school, yet the fact that she.. always had.
If you're confused, I understand. I am too, because the contradicting nature of my memory is something that haunts me to no end.
Things were easier as a child. That's often the case, but ever sense I stopped aging, I've begun to notice the oddities presented by life that are.. inexplainable. I'm not even sure where to start with researching my predicament.
The Mandela Effect is something that I feel needs no introduction. To those who don't know, the Mandela Effect, in brief, is a phenomenon that incurs when you "misremember" something. Think of a card, now imagine you saw that card as a child and it had a single heart drawn on it's center. Now, years later you are discussing this card with someone else just for them to tell you that the heart you swear, the heart you KNOW you saw.. was a diamond. You tell them they are wrong, you shake your head, chuckle nervously.. But then they present you with the card.
Your stomach drops. This can't be the card, there is no way! Only it is the card, and when you come to the realization that it is in fact the card you'd seen as a child, you are filled with a mix of confusion, fascination, and quite possibly denial.
Most often, the Mandela Effect is associated with silly things like books titles, and board game mascots, but my experience is far beyond such things. It's the only phenomenon I've found that seems even within the realm of explaining my predicament. Problem is, the more I think, the more is wrong.
All of me wishes it all ended with that one childhood experience! But it didn't. In fact, the more I consider my childhood, the more contradictions I notice. Part of me believes I could handle this if it was limited to my childhood, but it's not. This.. experience... It effects my every day!
I'm not losing my mind, I'm just picking up crumbs that I never dropped. Not.. losing my mind, just finding more "mind" than the inventory should account for.
As I stop and think now, I’m understanding that my memories are.. overlapping. Other mirrored versions of myself and my memories will occasionally cross paths, and when they do it causes me to misremember. Not because I don’t remember, but because my memories conflict with one another.
I wish I could see someone about this, but I’m worried the consequences of me seeking someone out.. still, we make dumb mistakes when we are desperate, and I’m starting to feel desperate again.

This will be long, because need to show my side and why I did it. However, I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
I am 33, but in less then a month I'll be 34. This is important because this all happened in May and so I think about it ever year. To make it worse, I saw a post that made me really think about this.
At age 20 in May, I made a decision that lying to my girlfriend. So that she leave me, was in her best interest. Since I was 16 my body started failing me. Wasn't to bad at first. I could still do most things and live normal. However, I was a complete outdoor type before this. If I wasn't working on the farm, I was in the woods. Well, I had to stay inside. Which lead me to MySpace, and then mmorpgs and then anime. Anime lead me to Crunchyroll. A website that was social media basically but with anime to.
I met a girl on here. Was friends for 3 years and then turn into more. Spent almost my entire free time talking to her.
She had big dreams of being a architect and designing a building that would never be forgotten. I wanted this for her, I wanted her to do what she dream of.
Anyway, I had seen what disable and incompetent men have done to women. They drag them down. They just hurt them. My mother, my sister among others I knew. So even at a much younger age. I swore to never drag anyone down. I swore I would be strong enough for whoever I married.
Well by 20, I was much worse. Spent half my time in bed, hurting to much to do anything really.
The relationship wasn't a I ask her out or she ask me out. Was more of a, we both loved each other and so just happened.
When it really hit me, was in January of when I was 20. When I saw how I was just going to causes her pain. So I quickly made up bullshite saying I can't actually love her because I'm autistic(I know beyond stupid and she probably knew it)(i am autistic through). So she swept it under the rug and didn't care at all. Kept the relationship going. Tried a couple more stupid ways but she never took any of it seriously.
Until May, when I told her my life was more important then hers and she ain't good enough for me. (I never let her know about my physical condition) She finally saw me as a asshole and ended it.
Which I believed her hating me, would make it much easier for her to forget me and move on.
She before this was talking about taking time off and coming to visit me and other times living with me. I saw the future of her giving up her dreams or I weighing her down. I saw her future being hurt by me. Because I couldn't even make it through college from missing to much. I would not be able to get a job. I would only hurt her, I couldn't stand the thought of me doing to her. What I saw my father do to my mother.
So getting her to break up with me and always hiding my sickness from her. Never talking on phone or camera when I was doing bad.
Should I have just been honest and broken up with her.
Last thing, I wanted to marry her. My dream growing up, was to have a happy family.

My ex (20F), who we’ll call E, and I (20F) have been broken up since we were juniors in high school. A quick rundown for context—I’m lucky enough to have an accepting mother who clocked me at a young age so I’ve always been out, E came from a conservative family and was not ready to be out when we were still together. This fact alone never bothered me, but we did break up because she stood me up to go to Jr prom with a date that her parents arranged for her with her now-fiancé.
We’re still friends. At the end of last year I got an invitation to her wedding that’s going to happen this winter. Around the same time, she started sending me texts late at night saying things like, “do you remember my sixteenth birthday?” or other vague references to times we spent together when we were dating. I made a joke about it in a comment section on a tiktok that used the Chappel Roan song “Good Luck Babe!” and hundreds of responses have come flooding through telling me to help her out of her engagement. I thought this was strange so I told my other friends about it but most of them agreed that I should at least talk to her and find out if she even wants to marry him or if she’s having second thoughts.
Here’s where I might be the asshole. I laughed when my friends told me that, and I told them no way in hell was i getting involved in her shit show again. I haven’t forgotten how I waited up for her for hours after cooking us a meal and decorating my backyard for a private party with my mom’s help because she didn’t want to go to prom together in front of everyone. I know it was 3 years ago now, but I also know she still would never choose anything over her father’s pride, least of all her own comfort and happiness. I know if I tried to help her out of this semi arranged marriage, in the end she would still go back if it meant making her father happy.
I’ve started ignoring E when she sends those texts, only responding when she attempts real conversation. My friends think i’m being cruel because i’m not asking her if she’s okay, but i feel like it’s not my responsibility to try and fix her life. So AITAH?

You make pretty regrettable mistakes when you're desperate. Unfortunately, desperation would go on to cost me much more than I ever thought possible.
When I was 19 years old my financial situation wasn't great. In what was left of a crumbling home would be my recovering addict twin sister, and myself. The unfortunate state of our home was all from the even more unfortunate passing of our parents just four years prior. The two hadn't died tragically by any means, thankfully. No.. our parents died of old age, a consequence of having us kids later in life, while not being able to take on the financial burden that would be.. us.
My sister was making the early steps into the college lifestyle, doing her best to stay afloat with my support in funding. Money was tight for the two of us, but as she became more well off on her own, the more content she was with severing the last remaining tie to her childhood.. me.
I didn't hate Xel for her decision, if anything I understood her distancing from this life.. even if it saddened me. So then it was just me! Left to a house with a hole in the ceiling. Believe it or not, life wasn't all to bad even with how considerably down in the dumps it otherwise seemed to be.
However, content as I might have been, it's human nature to want more than you have. Can't say I was to greedy to look for some comfortability in my own home..
And so there it was! The glistening letters of ink outlining my salvation. An advertisement I'd found plastered onto the wall of the small booth I sat at while I waited for the bus to carry me off to work. "$5,000 to those compatible for a recent scientific breakthrough." Under any 'normal' circumstances I would consider this a scam. Hell, I was skeptical as I scanned the letters. Had I been told of this opportunity through spam call or text I would've glossed right over it just as anyone else would have.. but I was desperate.
I think it was the fact that someone, some real person had to have put this paper up on this wall gave me some glimmer of hope for a quick cash grab. Listed bellow the promise of money was details for a number to call regarding interest in the proposition.
I took the bait.. I saw the line, and like some idiot I clamped my teeth down just for that hook to sweep me away.
The corporation I'd come to know as, "The Arsaction," would see me just a week later. There was a brief consultation. They took my weight, age, all things I would've expected. It wasn't until they pulled records regarding my familial situation that I began to find this whole ordeal.. suspicious.
To 'begin' to find things suspicious only at this point is foolish, something I full understand, but I feel the need to reinforce the fact that I, Lex McKarthy, was desperate.
Everything by this point seemed pretty legit. The blood tests, the doctors office, the tests were.. reasonable. What was I to suspect? Everything was so vague, and truth be told I honestly didn't even expect anything to come of this visit. All the doctors, all the consultants seemed so disinterested in my features.. but when they realized I had no one, everything seemed to change.
Suddenly ears perked, suddenly doors closed, suddenly I was.. exactly what they were looking for. Every feature of myself was so painfully average. I was anyman, I was.. nothing. Despite their best efforts to be discreate, I knew it was only the fact that nobody would come looking for me that peaked their interests.
My stomach dropped when I was faced with a pen in my hand, trembling over that NDA. Every fiber of me cursed myself for never considering putting just a minute of research into 'The Arsaction,' however a video briefing would ease my nerves. Nobody knew who The Arsaction was. There was no public record of their existence, and that NDA would make sure that they continued to never exist.
I was stupid, I was irrational, I was in over my head! But I was desperate.. and I had nothing else.
"I have nothing else.. I have nothing else!"
It was a mantra I chanted as I was injected with that substance. The substance that turned my blood orange, made my skin freakishly thin.
And then I went home.
That was it. I was given my sum of money, and I was sent home. They told me I was, "good to go," and no number of questions would get a one of them to speak. I was only met with who I'd assume to be security guiding me out of the building.
Not a word more of what I'd just been injected with, only given instructions to not dwell on mirrors for too long. That was it, just some ominous instructions. So I left, as befuddled as I arrived. Relief washed over me as I made my way home. The anxiety I'd received from such an ominous buildup was all waved by the fact that I was somehow just.. good to go?
Relief quickly turned to panic as the inherent nature of it all being too good to be true set in. I expected to die, I expected some visit from government agents, I expected anything and everything, but as months turned to years.. Nothing ever came of it. No mirror ever caused me any harm, which was its own anxiety I'd have to overcome simply because of the absurd nature or such a request.
I hoped it was.. some prank. Everything was well... for a time. Of course to disturb my peace, my sister called.
I just.. watched the phone ring. My sister, someone who I hadn't spoken to in upwards of 8 years was suddenly ringing me up. When I finally had answered, her question left me speechless.
"Hey Lex. would you happen to remember Mom's recipe for that egg toast? I think I left the cookbook at your place."
I felt my ears ring. The question was so.. casual. She entirely skipped the part where we discussed how she's been, how I'm doing. She spoke to me like we'd hung out only days ago.
At the time I'd thought I was just being dramatic, but looking back on it I can only justify my own hesitation to respond.
"W-..what?"
I stammered like a fool, but I was firm in my disbelief.
"Yeah, it should be in the book on the counter?"
I looked over my shoulder to my kitchen counter, past the toaster I never bought, and over to the book she spoke of. My jaw hung heavy, the whole interaction feeling like a dream.
With one hand I held the phone, and with the other I began to skim the pages of the book letting my eyes linger on mom's cinnamon roll recipe for a bit longer than intended.
"Lex.. are you ok?"
My sister inquired on the other end. I suddenly felt sick.. falling the the ground and laying on my back. This wasn't happening.
"Lex? Are you alright!?"
My sister repeated back more urgently, followed by her assurance that she would be over soon to check on me. But.. no company ever arrived. After hours the line just dropped, and I fell asleep there on that cold, wooden floor, paralyzed with a feeling I couldn't wrap my head around.
When I finally gathered the composure to stand I would try to call Xel back. A frown dawned my face when she never answered. Somehow this didn’t surprise me, and I was lead to believe that she had never called me in the first place. The thing is, the book was still on my counter, and her call was still logged on my phone.
Still, I hadn’t known Xel to do something like this. It wasn’t in her nature to do something so cruel, to act like all this time hadn’t passed.
But it has. Years have gone by and nothing but radio silence from her, a silence I feared would go on. The following days I would continue to attempt to call her, but to no avail.
I had to come to terms with the fact that, as quickly as she had returned too my life, Xel was once again gone. I’m ashamed to admit that, just as I’d forgotten that experience with The Arsaction several years ago, I’d forgotten about my own sister.
Even if she wouldn’t call back, I was inspired to begin looking through old family pictures, and this is where the oddities would start to fester.
I found a picture of Xel and I just.. eating breakfast. Usually my mom was off to work by then, but it was a special occasion. It was a day I remember so vividly. I was 14 years old at this time, and had awoke to the sweet smell of cinnamon rolls filling the air. After all, it was Xel’s and I’s birthday. All was right with the world, all as I climbed from the messy sheets in my dark room. It was abundantly clear that the bulb of the light beside my bed had burnt out over the course of the night, and the closed blinds didn't aid my vision as I stumbled around my room in search of my door.
An oddity presented itself in the fashion of aimless wondering. Where was the nob? One I'd become so accustomed to.. not needing to open? I'd never closed my door. Not the previous night, not ever. Not to the behest of my mother who'd always taken annoyance to closed doors, some trait of my grandmother's to which my mom had unfortunately inherited.
Breakfast took the form of two strips of bacon, scrambled eggs, and slightly burnt French-Toast. My previous assumption of cinnamon rolls unfortunately missed the mark, however I wouldn't object to this. I wish I could convince myself that I was wrong. Something so mundane, something so insignificant to the events in this story, however the first notable instance of a curse that I couldn't pinpoint
My mother had already seen herself off to work by this point, and so I was faced with the responsibilities of seeing myself out to the bus. Some routine I'd become far too used to; The minutes passed, leaving me with nothing to do but wait by the door for a buss that would never arrive.
If the door being shut and the cinnamon rolls being a different meal entirely had left me with a minor confusion, then suddenly being seated in the passenger seat of my mother's car listening to the nonchalant complaints from my twin sister about the nuances freshmen year math shot me into a disarray I couldn't possibly quantify.
I think one of the scariest things for me is the fact that I thought nothing of it. I hadn't freaked out. No scene was made to express what should have been one of the more disturbing instances of my childhood.
I could chalk up the mistaking breakfast for something else as me just misremembering events.. But something unmistakable is the fact that somehow my mom both never drove me to school, yet the fact that she.. always had.
If you're confused, I understand. I am too, because the contradicting nature of my memory is something that haunts me to no end.
Things were easier as a child. That's often the case, but ever sense I stopped aging, I've begun to notice the oddities presented by life that are.. inexplainable. I'm not even sure where to start with researching my predicament.
The Mandela Effect is something that I feel needs no introduction. To those who don't know, the Mandela Effect, in brief, is a phenomenon that incurs when you "misremember" something. Think of a card, now imagine you saw that card as a child and it had a single heart drawn on it's center. Now, years later you are discussing this card with someone else just for them to tell you that the heart you swear, the heart you KNOW you saw.. was a diamond. You tell them they are wrong, you shake your head, chuckle nervously.. But then they present you with the card.
Your stomach drops. This can't be the card, there is no way! Only it is the card, and when you come to the realization that it is in fact the card you'd seen as a child, you are filled with a mix of confusion, fascination, and quite possibly denial.
Most often, the Mandela Effect is associated with silly things like books titles, and board game mascots, but my experience is far beyond such things. It's the only phenomenon I've found that seems even within the realm of explaining my predicament. Problem is, the more I think, the more is wrong.
All of me wishes it all ended with that one childhood experience! But it didn't. In fact, the more I consider my childhood, the more contradictions I notice. Part of me believes I could handle this if it was limited to my childhood, but it's not. This.. experience... It effects my every day!
I'm not losing my mind, I'm just picking up crumbs that I never dropped. Not.. losing my mind, just finding more "mind" than the inventory should account for.
As I stop and think now, I’m understanding that my memories are.. overlapping. Other mirrored versions of myself and my memories will occasionally cross paths, and when they do it causes me to misremember. Not because I don’t remember, but because my memories conflict with one another.
I wish I could see someone about this, but I’m worried the consequences of me seeking someone out.. still, we make dumb mistakes when we are desperate, and I’m starting to feel desperate again.

For context, my boyfriend and I were in school together 6th grade-11th grade. We had all of our classes together 6th-8th grade and shared none in high school. I decided to go online during senior year when given the option during COVID due to 2 reasons: sexual assault and mental health.
We have been together for a little less than a year now. He used to hate my guts in school. We never actually held a conversation with each other. I always feel I was never given a real chance but also know I am a very difficult person to force to open up. I was known for not speaking. He hated my guts because I liked him and everyone knew it. It wasn't a secret. I feel like I embarrassed him and he was ashamed of me. He always looked like it was hell even having to sit in the same room as me. He had this friend, lets name her Sam, who was a lesbian. They were in marching band together. Sam is now transgender and a he. They stopped being friends after high school. We both agree Sam was a cunt and we hate her-now-him. According to my sister, in the 8th grade Sam approached her asking for advice on me as she (at the time) knows that I am straight and wanted me for herself. My sister was in a particularly bad mood that day and brushed Sam off saying something along the lines of "well, like you said shes not like that so you're just going to have to move on and get over it" and walked away. Sam was always particularly cruel to me after that.
Everyone hated and despised my (now) boyfriend for his promiscuity in 8th-12th grade. He has a history and is a recovering porn addict. He had lower self esteem than I ever knew and felt like he had to manipulate girls in the grades below us into sleeping with him. He has gone through therapy and is now much better and has become the person he wants to be. I did not know at the time that he is also diagnosed Bipolar 2 disorder and was on a medication that made him numb and indifferent and kind of an asshole who was unable to cry, according to him. He has gone to therapy and is a completely different person than he was in school. He has always been outstandingly mature compared to everyone else. He has been extremely patient and healthy towards me. He is the healthiest relationship I have ever been in. The healthiest person I have ever met. He makes me very very happy.
But.....I was on their side. I hated him the same way he hated me. Which he has apologised for and says Im the coolest and nicest person he has ever met and he doesn't know why he didn't give us a chance sooner. The reason I was so so angry with him, and still get frustrated with him when he mentions exes even if its to tell a funny story, is because everyone, particularly Sam, liked to rub his promiscuity in my face. It makes sense. His friends thought he hated me. Everyone else knew I liked him and spread rumors about him. Somewhere along the line with being abused at home and raped by my ex and never quite knowing how to talk to people or about how I feel, and developing the inability to make any objective statement about myself without feeling like a liar, or being tormented at school hearing how the boy I love is with yet another girl and did this or did that, and all of the back and forth between hating his guts and wishing him the best, I developed high functioning internalizing borderline personality disorder. An excruciating mental illness to have. It creeps up on you. I feel....nothing....numb or perfectly fine most of the time. I now find myself drunk crying typing this. I am the shut down type. This messes with my boyfriends anxiety. He starts crying realizing he may have said something he shouldn't have and his face always turns purple when he cries and he tries to sit me down to talk about things. The most I've been able to physically get out is the bare minimum: I don't like anything related to exes. And that was bad wording on my part. I feel he is now under the impression that I am just the "jealous type" or suffering simple retroactive jealousy rather than having been bullied by a friend who couldn't have me, or overly informed by his haters.
I do not know how to tell him how his every move impacted me so badly. He seems completely oblivious and unaware. Im so sick of being labeled as crazy when this was done to me. I was born normal. I could have been normal. So many things happened to me that shouldn't have. I feel especially guilty for still being f****ed up over this because he is so wonderful and living up to his potential. He is so loving towards me. I sometime feels like I've been murdered though. Like I was killed before we could start.
I just want to know if there is anyone out there who has experienced anything similar to this or how one could go about communicating this experience to a loved one.

this is probably the first time i’ve talked about this online in full detail. i’m gonna try to condense this as much as i possibly can but i need to get everything off my chest (very long post incoming so bare with me please).
i’ve been no contact with my mother since december of 2021. from the time i was 18/19 to 25 i have given her numerous chances to make things right with me and she didn’t take initiative. she’s never fully taken responsibility over the fact that she chose my stepdad over me and for the last twenty years treats me and my sister as an afterthought while making him her number one priority. it was so bad that i contemplated ending my life in 2010 when i was 14 (when i told her about it 3 years later she was anything but sympathetic) and even called CPS the same year. she and my stepdad provided the bare necessities but he was verbally/mentally/emotionally abusive towards me and my sis while my mother neglected my emotional needs. they both have alcohol addictions which didn’t make things better. she’s made statements before about finding another place for me to live while she can go be with him. she almost pulled me out of school one time when i needed to take a school exam so we could go camping with my stepdad (something we did 2-3 times a year, sometimes more). he tried to kick us out numerous times but nothing came of it. one time we did move out of his place but came back after a month because she “loved him too much” and wanted to be with him. basically she’s done a lot of things and more over the years that convinced me she doesn’t see me as important as him and it’s affected my self worth tremendously.
in 2021 i stopped talking to her for about 6-8 months after a phone call where i berated her for being an absent parent, to which she tried to apologize but it came off as performative. i saw her at walmart one time that year and our interaction was awkward. i decided to give her my peace one last time that november by sending a long text message detailing why i didn’t want her to talk to me anymore, and of course she dismissed me entirely. the only part of my message that stuck out to her was how i thought her alcohol addiction was going to kill her someday, and she brought up some things she had heard about me to deflect. she said “you’re never gonna lose me, i have two of the most beautiful daughters i could ever ask for” and i told her “well, you just lost me. please stop contacting me.”
about a month later she texted me saying that my stepdad has cancer, but her follow up message said: “you can stop now”. i got heated, partly because i thought she didn’t take me putting my foot down seriously. i responded, “i’m sorry but that is not my problem, please don’t contact me anymore.” she said, “i didn’t say it was your problem! where is your empathy for god’s sake” after that i went OFF on her. i cussed her out, told her she’s a terrible mother and a myriad of other things. the last thing i said to her was “fuck your empathy, and fuck you too (mom’s name).” her only response to my entire message was the word “wow”.
ever since then i only received one text from her and it was the day after my birthday a couple months later where she wished me well. i’ve since changed phone numbers and blocked her on all social media. it’s 2024 and for some reason i think about her a lot. i worry about what’s gonna happen to her once my stepdad passes (i’m her only blood relative in this state) and whether or not his family will keep her around. my sister is VLC with her because my mom dismisses her often and only seems to care about issues pertaining to my stepdad. my sister stopped reaching out as much when she found out my mom put down her perfectly healthy dog last year (that’s a whole story for another time). my mother has expressed suicidal tendencies in the past so i know mentally she’s not all there. i’m tired of worrying about her like she’s my child. i think about her more than she thinks about me. i don’t know why i do this to myself. she’s made her choice and i keep hoping she’ll change but i know she won’t. it’s heartbreaking. i want to stop thinking about her. she clearly doesn’t care about me the way i want her to. i keep bugging my sister to see how my mom is doing but she’s got a lot going on right now and i feel stupid for doing so. why do i care about her so much? even after all this time?

My (24M) mother (52F) is a piece of work, to put it plainly. My Dad filed for divorce during the pandemic, and all of us (myself, dad and 2 adult siblings) are NC with her. Every event or holiday, my mother would make a bunch of "woe is me" posts on Instagram. For years, we all just ignored it and blocked anyone who sent us DMs, telling us to "forgive and forget". We haven't blocked our mother because she threatened to hurt herself if we did, so it became a sort of tradition that one person would "stand guard" and let everyone know when she starts posting so that people can turn on Do Not Disturb and enjoy the day uninterrupted.
Last week was my younger sister's 21st Birthday, and our mother took to Instagram with more posts saying how my sister "robbed her" of being able to celebrate, and the fact that none of her kids invited her means that were all "ungrateful". I was pissed that our mother was so determined to ruin my little sisters birthday, so I commented on her post, saying "You remember when I was 13, and you threatened to sue me for defamation because you read the part of my diary where I talked about you, and even pretended to call the police to "take me to jail"? Your ungrateful child remembers." After that, I turned my phone off and went back to celebrating with my family.
Once the festivities died down, we all turned off Do Not Disturb and saw that there were dozens of DMs from our mother and various people (who we assume are her friends) making wild accusations about me, saying that my dad put me up to it, etc etc. Everyone turned to me, asking what the hell I did, and after I explained it, my dad told me that I should've stayed silent to keep the peace. I retorted, saying that this wouldn't have happened if we all just blocked mom from the start, and that I refused to sit of my hands as she called my sister names.
Long story short, we had an impromptu family meeting and decided to just bite the bullet and block her. I think the workaround we used worked for a time, but now it just gives her a way to hurt us from a distance. My siblings understand why I commented, and my older brother told me that he'd have probably done the same, but my dad says that I lit more fires than I put out. I feel like I did right by my sister, but I can't ignore the point my dad brought up. AITA?

Finished her just a day or two before my birthday, as it is on the 16^th. No more edits of her now, since I got her school to draw later on after I do Penelope's.
Feel happy to draw her whenever you like!
Her new look! Now finalized as-is.
Without the background because of personal preference.

So my boyfriend (33M) and I (30F) have been together for 3 and a half years. He has a wife (32F) and at the beginning of our relationship we were kitchen table poly, I lived with them, shared a bed and everything with them. Needless to say eventually with their kids getting bigger (and still unaware of our relationship) I felt the need to get my own place, one street over. Prior to my new place my boyfriend’s wife and I kinda of intimately drifted, I love women don’t get me wrong, she was just not really my type. So we kind of had a sister wife relationship soon after. She was my best friend. Since then, I felt like hers and my relationship became a little more complicated, enough to where if were at the house alone I felt uncomfortable and like I was walking on eggshells. She started making a lot of points to where I wasn’t included in an argument between them or decisions that they made. Which I always used to be, so something changed where she built some type of animosity. I got very hurt one night when, a few weeks prior, a football parent came up to us and invited all of us and the kids to a joint birthday party/cookout for him and his son. Weeks go by and I’m letting her know (thinking she’s at work, she works at a steakhouse) I got the stuff she needed for the kids Easter baskets and I’ll drop it off. She told me she was just getting home and getting ready for the party…I’m like what? Completely forgetting when it was thinking they or she would of course remind me. They are all getting ready to go and I said well I was invited too? Like wtf? At first she tried saying she didn’t know I was invited…even though we were all invited at the same time, and then finally tells me she made a decision it would just be the 4 of them and that she didn’t think she was wrong for making that decision. I was pissed and needless to say we haven’t spoken in almost 2 months. I feel like my boyfriend now has to like sneak over to come see me, and I haven’t slept in the sam need with him in months because she won’t let him come spend the night since their kids don’t know and would wonder where he was. And really all I just wanted was an apology and like an understanding of why I was hurt and upset. I felt very isolated and now don’t know how i can go on in this relationship feeling this way. My boyfriend also is not open to me having partners so it’s just me myself 90% of the time and I just don’t know what to do.

GUYS there's a mistake in the title: I am a female, not a male. Can't edit.
Just to be clear beforehand:
· I am a 100% sure he is single and not dating his ex
I (27F) met this man (26M) a couple months ago on a datingapp. I remember it saying in his bio that he was looking for something casual, at that point I didn’t know what I was looking for so I just sent him a message. We bonded over the fact that we both just got out of a long term relationship, we were both single for 2 months at that point after 4.5-5 years of dating (very coincidental but nice to bond over that LOL). He was very open and honest and also told me that he is still living with her at this point (it’s not easy to find a new place in the capital of our country). What I noticed is that this man was very honest, for example, he shared that he had a STD and that he has kissed guys (which could definitely be a dealbreaker for some girls). While it was clear that he was looking for casual, I did notice that after a short while he would text me at 7am when he woke up, and he literally talk the whole day. Also when he was working he would text me all the time. I started really liking him.
We had a strong attraction, and I was the one making very flirty and sexual comments. We would tease each other and couldn’t wait till the moment that we could meet up and have sex. After talking 24/7 for 3 weeks, we had our first date. We very both very nervous, and I remember him saying that he normally doesn’t get nervous so that this was weird for him. I sometimes did get the feeling that he started to like me a little more than only for casual. The date went great, and I think we really hit it off. We just talked for hours about our life and interests. We went from bar to bar just talking, and I remember saying that I had to at a certain point because I paid for my parking until a specific time. It was just a 10 minute walk. What made me certain that he liked me enough for a second date is when he offered to just keep talking, and that he would pay for my fine (100$) when I got one. He has a good job (therapist) so definitely has a good income but that amount of money is also a lot for him. Of course I declined LOL but I remember being flattered.
The day after I remember saying that he decided after the date to only focus on me, and that he would like it if I did the same. He also said that he was a “one girl kind of guy”. On the first date he also made me promise jokingly, yet serious, to at least go on 5 dates with each other. At tis point, it was clear that we found each other very attractive and that we really want to sleep with each other. Date two was also a lot of fun and at this point I really started to like him. The day after, he asked me for a third date. We kept taking initiative with conversations all the time. It would be very flirty and sexual sometimes, but also about anything and everything. I remember that sometimes I would try to be very flirty and he would direct the conversation to other stuff (like family), which was interesting to me, but I think he just really liked me. I am very cautious, and am really scared of the dating scene especially hearing all the ghosting, manipulating, whatever shit that happened to people around me so I was really analyzing anything and everything he was saying but there did not seem to be any red flags. My friends and older sister were sure he was falling in love with me based on the information I shared.
One night we were on the phone and I remember him hanging up suddenly when his ex entered their home. He already told me that he would have to end the conversation if this happened. After the conversation I remember him being kind of scared that I was annoyed that his ex is affecting our situation, but I explained that I understand and think it’s very respectful that he’s not rubbing it in her face that he’s talking to someone new. The day after he shared that he realized he wants to really separate wit this ex, and that he initiated a conversation about one of them moving out. I remember being like: oh he really likes me since little situation made him take action.
Throughout all of this, I would sometimes joke and make non-casual comments, in the beginning he was clear that he was not ready for that. After a while I remember him saying that these jokes were not scaring him (anymore). At this point I really liked him, and wasn’t sure if I was going to be happy with only being casual, and we had multiple conversations about this. The conversations went from ‘I really only can do casual at this point so if we’re not at the same page, we need to be clear and end it so no one gets hurt’ to ‘I wanted casual but at this point I am not sure, I really like you and I think it’s likely that I would want a serious relationship with you’. He was very clear and open about the fact that he was confused and was trying to figure out what he really wanted. A very important note: I noticed from the beginning on that this is a very conscientious, analytical person that thinks things through. From the beginning, I was also very clear that I could develop feelings, and that if I did and wanted more, that I would really like it if he would respect me enough to tell if he wasn’t in that place. He promised he would be honest. At this point there was no indication that he was dishonest about anything so I tried to just trust him on this.
I think at this point we’ve been talking for 3 weeks, and of course, I start to really like him. To me, it’s clear that he really likes me too. We did not have sex at this point. I started to catch feelings and asked him how to prevent falling in love. He responded that he had the same, and that at this point he is not even sure that this something he wants to prevent anymore. However, he was still reflecting on this situation and honestly it would be kind of weird to rush into a new relationship after being involved with someone else for so long, he was also living with her, and we do not live near each other so the situation was not in our favor.
Note: at this point we did not have sex yet. The sexual connection was definitely there though, and it was clear for both of us that on date 3 we would have sex.
One night, he had a party that he was really looking forward to. The day after he called me and kind of broke things off with me. He explained that this party made him realize that being single/having freedom is what he wants at this point. He was honest about finding other women attractive at this party (he volunteered the information that he did not find the girls more attractive than me), and that he did not flirt with them because we were talking, but that he would’ve liked that and would’ve liked to just have fun without the commitment. He said that he really liked me, and that if he kept talking to me and if we would continue to mee up, he was sure that he would fall in love and that he is just not ready for that at this point. He shared that he only wants to get in a relationship if he thinks he can give himself fully, and that at this point he’s just not there yet. During this conversation, he realized that this situation also happened with his ex that we dating for 5 years: they really liked each other, but he didn’t feel like he could give his all to her, so he didn’t commit. However, they still kept in contact (studying the same thing), couldn’t really keep away from each other and still had sex. This continued for a while until he felt ready to give himself fully, and that’s when they got official. I asked him if he also sees that happening with me, he said he did but that he couldn’t promise that 100%. I thanked him for his honesty, but couldn’t understand: all the signals were there that he really liked me and was very invested. I also told him that I was afraid I was being naïve to believe what he was saying, as I heard this exact situation happen to every girl ever (the bullshit cliches like “you deserve better”, “I need to work on myself”) and that it didn’t make sense what he was saying like: “I like you. I like you so much that if we would keep meeting, I will fall in love. Therefore, let’s stop talking.” However, at the same time I felt like I could trust him, based on the fact that he cut if off BEFORE we had sex. He literally could’ve waited another five days, had sex with me, and then cut if off. But at this point he didn’t get any.
This guy is not a fuckboy, I am sure of that. I have a specific type. He is the exact type like my ex, there is no fuckboy bone in their body.
We ended it. I let him know that he could contact me whenever he is ready for something serious, but that I would also keep dating and go on with my life.
My question to you guys is, and you can be harsh:
· Am I delusional, and is this quite literally every situation ever and does it come down to “I am not ready to a relationship… WITH YOU” or does it make sense what he’s saying? I just don’t understand letting someone go you like so much, think is so beautiful and interesting. It just does not make sense. However, at the same time, everything that he is and said did indicate that he really values “doing the right thing” and is really strict on himself. Is he just such a good, stand-up guy that he’s willing to let me go, or at least let the possibility for sex go, because he “knows he can’t give himself fully” and that he won’t get in a serious relationship if this is the case because he would lose respect for himself, and also doesn’t want me to accept any less than 100%.
(Last point: I considered the possibility that he just lost interest after date 2. He ended it 6 days after the second day. However, I don’t think this is likely: he asked for a third date the day after, and would jokingly remind me of the 5-date-promise, he “offered” to go to a concert with me of someone that he is not as big as a fan of which would cost him a lot of money, nothing in our conversations changed. Nothing gave off that he was less interested.)
TL;DR Met a guy on a dating app who initially wanted something casual. Despite living with his ex and admitting to not being ready for a serious relationship, we connected deeply. He was very open and honest, shared personal details early on, and our communication was intense and constant. After a few great dates, he seemed to start considering a more serious relationship with me. However, after a party, he realized he wasn’t ready to commit and broke things off, saying he feared falling in love because he couldn’t give himself fully yet. He was honest and ended things respectfully before we became more involved. I’m left wondering if this situation is a typical "it’s not you, it’s me" scenario or if he genuinely needs more time, as he stated. Is it delusional to think he might come around, or did his actions show genuine integrity and self-awareness?

So, my little sister is a supervisor at their job and he’s an employee. He is divorcing his wife (of 20+ yrs), who he has an 18 yo and 14 yo with. My sister is paying his mortgage and she’s willingly doing it. I feel like I’m being judgmental but red flags are everywhere for me, she says she’s happy and that’s all I ever want for her, but I feel like she’s being used and I don’t want to meet this dude. Should I meet this dude? I don’t want to push my sister away, but I really don’t want to meet this dude. How do I help her or maybe help myself to not be such a b**ty hole if I’m the one over thinking. So Reddit, #AITA