I stumbled across this subreddit and although I'm strictly not over 40 myself, my relationship lends to being with someone older than me, so I'm looking for thoughts and opinions from people in that demographic. Hopefully that's okay....
For a little context, I was in my first and only relationship which lasted 18 months. It was an age gap relationship, she was 43/44 at the time, so 12 years older than me — I'm 33 now and she had a little daughter who was around 10 who I treated like my own. She was married for 14 years, divorced for 3 before I come along and was a breath of fresh air and “put the wind back in her sails” as she put it and the "love of her life" and "soulmate" and all that stuff…But ultimately, in August 2022 after our holiday as a trio to Mallorca, she told me she no longer found me attractive, or attractive anyway, she was never in it from day one when she met me, only saw me as a friend.
She told me she thinks she should be with someone more her age, established, has the executive job title (as she finds the self made type an “attractive” quality), fancy car, house, body. I think she saw a power imbalance because of the age gap and she was a high earner herself.
I think she has/had her own issues she never dealt with, because I was never toxic or abusive or shouted or argued and did everything to try meet her needs. I would've moved mountains and walked over broken glass for her. There were these emotional wobbles every few months, where she would burst into tears upset telling me she wasn’t sure what she wants, she doesn’t want a relationship and can go through life focusing on her career, daughter and doesn’t need or want a guy. But being nieve would ignore that, calm her down, reassure her I’m there for her, sleep on it and go again and then the cycle would repeat after a few months - another wobble and another. I guess ultimately I'll never really know the true reason as I guess people say things in the heat of the moment.
She turned incredibly cold and heartless after I tried to save things, be reasonable and text, and then all of a sudden we were in no contact at all. After a year of being blocked everywhere except for WhatsApp, she unblocked me on Instagram just before the most recent Christmas, but never reached out. Could be something, could be nothing. I guess 6 months later, it's nothing.
I guess I'm a little lost still, all this time later, and would welcome thoughts and an open conversation for comfort..

It is awful to see but that lying, charmless, hypocritical piece of human garbage SJ is winning. His super chats have been really good lately. I know that a few whales are a part of that but ever since VTL told that dummy to unblock everyone on youtube so they could hate super chat him he's done great.
Here is the thing, just like he fell into his job on the Stern show by stuttering & having Jackie & Fred write questions for him, he fell into a record a deal because of being on the Stern show & he got the Tonight Show because he was on Stern. None of those took any talent. He got those opportunities because of others. He has virtually no talent and the charm of a fresh piece of shit on the sidewalk. Now he is doing well on Youtube because of the funny super chats of people hating on him. Again he is succeeding through none of his own talent but he is undeniably succeeding. I had to shut him off last night. I was really sickened by him.

So when I was about 10 years old, I began hanging out with this kid (I'm gonna use his real name cause fuck him) his name was Sawyer, we met through me friend Luis, and I don't really remember how we first met or talked too each other cause apparently after the first time we met he blocked me, but ended up unblocking me, me him, Luis and Josh (The kid from the other story) used too hang out a lot and play fortnite or minecraft, I remember he used too complaint about the dumbest shit and had the dumbest opinions on things, like he said new minecraft sucked cause you could emote, but after about 3 months of playing with him, he became a dick, but not too me, but too Luis and Luis only, he would always start shit with him for no reason and brag about random things, and for some reason he just praised me, we confronted him like 5 times about this but he never changed, that's when I was 10, when I was 11 me and Luis got r6 on playstaion and we began playing that a lot soon after we got it, it was on sale and Luis was gonna give Sawyer a gift card for him too buy it, but were still not sure about this, but Luis said his dad's card got charged for $300 and someone was trying too buy a vr headset, he blamed Sawyer and when Luis confronted him, he didn't deny it, when me and Luis started playing on xbox, Sawyer also had an xbox and would be on a lot, soon after we me Jack, after a while it was clear Jack and Sawyer didn't get along which we were ok with cause we started too hate Sawyer
So like back in August Sawyer heard me say the n-word he had known I was biracial, he saw a picture of me soon after (He had always know what I looked like, my skin is more white than brown) so when I got off the next day, Luis told me that he called me racist after that we just made fun of him cause he said some real stupid shit, now the funniest thing is.......HE WAS A FUCKING RACIST Luis is Pacific islander and knowing this he made a lot of racist jokes about Asian people, and had also scream the n-word, (I wasn't around when that happened) and said a lot of racist things about Mexicans
The most recent thing that happened with him, is from the pov of Jack and Luis, so they were playing with this guy who was friends with Sawyer, and Sawyer joined, they were ignoring him cause they were playing warzone, but soon Luis just said "Y'know gggamer9000 got a girlfriend earlier this month" and Sawyer said "Is that a good thing or a bad thing" and also said "I'm fresh out of a relationship bro" This man get's no bitches, he looks like Ethan gamer, but after that we've never spoke too him again

Years ago, end of 2020 and very early 2021, I (at the time 19M) became friends with a guy (at the time 26M) through an online server we were in together. After chatting a little, we eventually formed a rapport where we’d text daily and throw jokes at each other. After some time, I started forming a crush on him, which I didn’t entertain because I felt like there was no chance it would come to anything good - he’d constantly make jokes sexualizing me and talking about my (very lacking) sex life, but he clarified once that it was all jokes. He was, in general, much more “active” than I am and would always toss around comments about how many guys he slept with and how good he was at laying pipe or whatever.
He still continued to make jokes sexualizing me, and in-between our dynamic, we had a lot of moments of genuine connection. We texted daily for a really long time and most nights a week, we would send each other “good morning” and “goodnight” messages. He’d ask for me to stream video games for him because he liked watching me play them, he even started buying and gifting me scary video games for me to play since he knew I was a fan of the horror genre. We would watch movies and shows together and have long, long phonecalls into the morning hours since we had a few hours timezone difference. I gave him ideas for planning for his friend’s Vegas bachelors party, and my recommendation actually made it in. I draw for fun and he’d always ask about what I was making and he’d practically beg me to show him if I ever let on that I was working on something. When I was going through the grief of a passed family member, he was there for me and made it clear that he wanted to keep me company so I could feel better.
He worked out and he would sometimes send me photos of him shirtless in the mirror, or sweaty after a session. I’d never really know what to say so I just tried to be supportive.
At the start of summer 2022, I confessed my feelings to him out of a desperate attempt to get the weight that was crushing me off of my chest. I wasn’t expecting anything and I made sure to clarify it - he was kind in his response but something I keep remembering is that he never actually said that he didn’t like me back or not. I don’t know why that stuck out to me.
A month later, he “admitted” to me on a late night phone call that he “didn’t think he was actually gay” and that I was the first person he ever admitted it to. I silently stared at the ceiling and cried. He had only ever told me stories and jokes and comments about how he’d have sex with men. He’d never told me a single moment about having sex or real interest in a woman. He told me that he didn’t feel any emotional connection with any man. His jokes sexualizing me on and off continued. Part of these jokes were how my want for a romantic relationship and my want for safety and affection were somehow more “explicit” than him having sex with people.
We got closer that summer than we had before. We called each other more, we watched movies more often, and he insisted on us marathoning Cowboy Bebop together because it was his favorite anime. I caught COVID for the first time in August due to my fuckhead relatives not telling me that someone had it during a wedding, and I was bedridden for a week. He kept me company for so much time - nearly streaming video games for me every night. I’d hobble downstairs after everyone had left the area so we could play Fall Guys together, and even when he teased me he was kind because every time I tried speaking more than a sentence I would break into nonstop bouts of coughing. He’d wanted to do a DND campaign for me where I would be the only player, and that we’d have fun together where I could play in a sandbox world he’d create for me himself.
After that summer there was suddenly this distance. I’d reach out to ask to watch movies but he was more busy. The streams stopped being regular and he stopped asking for them. The good morning and goodnight messages stopped and the conversations dried up into five-message exchanges where I’d try to engage him but they’d eventually peter out from his end. He started just sending me Twitter memes without any real comments, or the comments he did send were bland and basic jokes.
My father was admitted to the hospital for sudden complications that nearly killed him and I realized I didn’t tell my friend. That was the first nail in the coffin for some reason. Even though he was kind, he wasn’t good at using comforting words - he knew how to comfort me through trying to make me smile and laugh. I didnt tell him and I still don’t fully know why. The distance became more apparent when summer 2023 came and went because I was excited for it. I was hoping we would be able to do stuff and more, but we didn’t. I could have asked him but for some reason I felt like I couldn’t - he was the one that usually asked in the first place. Our text conversations were reduced to him sending me memes on Twitter and he’d turn down my requests to watch movies, even if I asked because I needed the company after a bad day. Out of the blue, one day, he texted me that one of his dogs died. I’d seen photos of his dogs near-daily for years and this sudden revelation shocked me because of how it was just dropped on me out of nowhere - months of this emotional distance suddenly precluding this bombshell announcement. It really upset me and I tried offering comfort but he just brushed it off again when I tried.
At one point I stopped answering his messages because I wanted to see what would happen if I ignored them. The guilt went away for some reason - it vanished and I felt like I was free from the shackles of the situation and like I could breathe in the fresh air. I accidentally messed up though, and after five days of not answering him he chirped and asked how was I, and I broke down. I blocked him before unblocking him a few hours later to confess to him that I was completely melting and that I couldn’t be his friend anymore. I blamed my reaction on myself and my inability to tackle my own emotions, but everyone I’ve explained this to and shown conversations to say that he was emotionally toying with me, even if he didn’t actively realize it.
I explained everything as best as I could through my tears and then told him goodbye. After a few months I wrote a detailed Google doc explaining everything as best as I could and I sent it to him through a social media profile of his that I suspect is dead and inactive now.
I miss him. I miss him so fucking much. I miss his nose and his laugh and his stupid stiff awkward smile and I hate that I ever loved him and that I think I still love him now. Being around him wasn’t good for me but I want him back so badly - I want to go running back to him begging for his forgiveness because I still feel like all of this is my fault. I feel like I pushed through a boundary but the more I look at the big picture I wonder if that boundary was ever really there. He’d make jokes about having sex with me to mutual friends but never having a relationship - hed joke that my need for comfort and emotional vulnerability was because I was a “bottom” and it’s just normal “bottom things”. I miss him so much and I want to contact him again even though everything in me is screaming that that is not the right direction. I see when he’s on Steam sometimes because we’re still friends on that platform and I can’t bring myself to unfriended him even though I unmerged our game libraries.
I miss him. I miss him so so much and I wish he could tell me that everything’s going to be ok, but I think him shoving himself back into the closet broke something so deeply about how I see him that I can’t trust his words anymore.

made this for my narrative essay in american literature, but one of my friends said i should share the story
“But I Still Need You” Throughout my life, I had always fallen easy for girls. The elementary mindset of, “she’s cute, so I have a crush on her,” prevented me from developing a legitimate relationship with any girl I tried to talk to. The few times that my feelings were reciprocated, I had no idea because I was already on to the next girl, and this continued until I was left with a multitude of friend-zone situations and a list of “crushes.” My charisma already lacking, it seemed each year that passed, previous to 3rd grade, I grew in weight and therefore awkwardness. The struggle to interact with women lessened as I grew up, while the fat remained. So, by the 8th grade I was the ideal guy friend; easy to talk to, kinda funny, understanding, and unintimidating. My approachable “funny fat friend” nature had its ups and downs. While guys, for reasons I still don’t fully understand, suspected me to be gay, girls found it intriguing and it made them want to be friends with me more. Back then I didn’t know, but now I know that by being forced to be friends first, after finding out I was in fact not gay, the right woman for me would want to be with me for my personality. In the winter of 2021, I fell hard for a girl named Madeline. Maddie was no different than many of the other girls in that she had a bland personality and I thought she was cute. She had brunette hair with bangs, big glasses, way too much makeup on, and a unique fashion sense. Her sense of fashion was one of the few interesting things about her, yet it was disregarded by the public. Not too many guys found her appealing, but I did, for whatever reason. I was dead set on getting to know her better in hope of becoming more than friends. Unfortunately, she hardly paid attention to me, but I didn’t give up. I merely slowed down because of my interest in her friend, Isabella. Isabella is the Spanish and Italian variation of Elizabeth (derived from the Hebrew name Elisheba). The meaning of Elishiba can be translated to, “God is my oath.” In Arabic, the beginning of Isabella, “Isa,” is the classical Arabic name for Jesus, while in the French language, the shortened version of Isabella, “Belle,” translates to “beautiful.” I had met Isabella in the sixth grade, and grew a tiny crush on her, in the elementary sense, before we all went into hibernation (COVID). I barely knew her though, and she had no idea who I was, so when we interacted in my last two classes, if we did at all, it was like two strangers who kept running into each other. I sat by her in my sixth period, and one seat up and to the right from her in seventh. We only ever made small talk and the occasional joke, but when I spoke with her I felt content. Still barely knowing her, all I could admire was the little things in the way she laughed and spoke. I longed to know more about Isabella, she was mature, intelligent, and very opinionated, but still light-hearted and made time pass at the speed of light. It wasn’t until she was in my group in sixth period one day that she began to open up a little by sharing the details of her current long-distance relationship. The shards of my heart stabbed and crushed my stomach; hope, the oxygen to my mind, depleted faster than the air of a broken space shuttle; palpitation, nausea, asphyxia, and neurosis bombarded me like Persian arrows on the Greeks. Then, all at once, the excruciating tidal wave evaporated, but instead of calm waters, I was left with a drought. Every emotion muted or gone, my body went numb while everything I cared for vanished from my mind. I didn’t speak throughout the rest of that day, and went directly from the bus to decaying in my bed. I was devastated, so I retreated to my pointless crush on Maddie. Unrelated to the rather sad lovelife, my anxiety and depression worsened throughout 8th grade, and while I was going to therapy, most of my issues wouldn’t and still haven’t been worked through. Throughout the school year I had developed a toxic system of self pity, in which I would spend hours a day cycling through the feelings of hope, anger, and despair- never that of joy. I knew what I was doing, gathering enough hope to face the school day just before I reflected on the doubts and grievances going on throughout my life. I’d bring myself up just for a greater fall because honestly, overtime I became numb to the natural pain. If I were going to fall into the pit that is depression, the higher I peaked in terms of optimism the more excruciating the freefall of nausea and the heavy flow of salt water. At that point in my life, I saw no point in getting out of bed to do anything, school or even my own mother’s birthday. By the end of eighth grade I had spent almost a total of six weeks absent, two of which were from me being quarantined. Typically over the span of one or two days, others up to four, I would be in my bed “sick.” During these mini-vacations I would sleep all morning, if my mom let me, and stay up all night, oftentimes listening to Radiohead or Cigarettes After Sex while staring at my ceiling. I wanted to stay up, I wanted to feel the bags grabbing and pulling towards my cheekbone, I wanted to feel empty, emotionally and physically. During the day, my anxiety attacks became panic attacks and I would get sent home for vomiting. I'd throw up to give Mom a reason to let me stay home. I’d throw up to feel something, anything. I’d throw up to keep my stomach empty. I’d throw up because I had to, because the nerves and overthinking forced me to. Every morning, I’d drag my black air force ones across cement, carpet, tiles, and marble, each step leading towards Mrs. Clements’ homeroom. For every step, a different worry or insecurity flashed through my brain. But then, out of the blue, I’m “Lincoln” again. I walk into homeroom with an ear-to-ear grin and dap up “the boys”. I’d spend the morning building up hopes of making Isabella laugh today, or maybe calling her once I got home, but I knew that nine times out of ten my hopes were delusional. To “Lincoln,” this was no problem, he would make a gay joke, join the boys with teasing a cute girl in my class, and laugh until just for a moment, the despair was gone. Finally, the sixth period would come and I’d get to see Isabella. In here I got the least work done out of all my classes as I would find myself strategically planning my next interaction with her, just for said plans to go out the window when I was brought face to face with her. Typically seventh period followed the same pattern except Ms. Shirley Davis could never allow small talk in her classroom. When the last bell rang, I went straight to the buses. I’d sleep on the way home, dreaming of a call that would hardly happen. On the off chance my phone didn’t reach its feared 11th cry, we’d talk for hours at a time. On a weekday or not, it seemed that, when we did call, it was guaranteed to go into the early morning. It’s hard to put my finger on a specific topic, or even general. In our conversations, we discussed anything and everything. Everything, except her own love interest. I admired this, as my inability to keep who I’m thinking about at the time a secret is a major flaw of mine. The more that me and her spoke, the more I grew to love her. Our talks were so honest, so raw, that the secret I held began to eat away at me. My core collapsing like a dying star, each day it felt like the pain got worse. To cope with the feelings I had buried deep inside me, I’d turn to my friends. At first, they said to come forward with my feelings, but I knew that’s what any friend would’ve said. The relief I got from venting the conflicting hurricane within me was brief. Overtime, their words of encouragement turned to annoyance, and understandably so. When people grew sick of the same old sadistic untold love, I turned to Isabella. I wrote a text so full that, to read it, one needed to tap on an arrow at the bottom right corner of my message. The essay was compiled with the confliction I had, developing feelings for a friend, and the sorrow that filled me each day that passed without her. I described the perfect imperfections that I admired about her, how life was complete when I spoke to her, the beauty that paralyzed me every time I saw her in person, and the character that I felt God had curated specifically for me. Sitting there unsure if I should press send, a fear grew within my chest that Isabella would see right through me. I could hear the music that so often triggered tears; the vocals of Thom Yorke or the beats of Kanye West, they faded in and out. What if she didn’t even respond? What if she thought I was a creep? What if- then she responded. Suddenly, the ominous 808s & Heartbreak pounding vanished, my respiratory chaos became paralyzed, and time stood still. I couldn’t breathe until I finished reading, and once I did, my sigh was all but relieving. Isabella explained to me how unhealthy my habits were; even in comparison to the anguish that would follow, I’d suffer far more and far longer should I suppress my emotions. She told me how that level of affection, in the context of the warped concept of romance most men had, was something she had only dreamt of. Isabella said that holding these feelings would eat away at me, exponentially increasing in severity, until I broke. Not only would I be hurting myself, but I would be depriving the person I care about most from the appreciation they deserve. I became bloated with fear of the friendzone, those insecurities, all based upon inference, became a reality with Isabella’s last piece of advice. She said, “If she doesn’t reciprocate those emotions, then don’t worry. I’m sure there’s a girl out there who can appreciate your compassion.” The blame had no other place to go than my shoulders, after all, I got what I asked for, advice on another girl. Isabella, even if she saw the crush I had on her, is far too kind to address it. She cared for everyone, and to her, she was merely boosting up a friend who’s down. For the rest of the night her text echoed through my mind; pain, regret, and admiration caused my mind to sporadically leap from conclusion to conclusion. Two years later, those words still haunt me, reiterations of that phrase torturing me when I least expect them. The school year progressed, but my aspirations with Isabella didn’t. Over time, the frequency of my writings grew to be weekly, at times reaching two a week, and the weight of my confessions depleted. I opened my audience to a mutual friend of Isabella’s, Miley, with the intention of acquiring useful advice. Eventually, my choice to try concealing what I felt for Isabella became too heavy of a burden, weighing down on me in forces I had not endured before. Soon, the love I had for Isabella turned to hatred for myself. I was relentlessly criticizing every aspect of myself and my mind. I hated how fat I was, my smile, my voice, my laugh, and most of all my personality. What I had thought was my greatest strength, was revealed as my worst trait. The gullibility I exhibited when thinking for a second Isabella could possibly like me; the lack of confidence that caused me to chicken out of confessing my feelings to her; my insufferable need to make people laugh; the hyperfixation I would develop for those that I love. Everything about me was wrong. I stopped eating, stopped sleeping, stopped caring, and eventually I stopped living. The “Lincoln” my friends had grown to recognize, the only remnant of the joy I felt when I was younger, died, and I was left with only my love for Isabella and resentment for myself. I began testing the limits of what was left of me, praying for relief. At first in the middle of the night, an anaconda would find its way to my throat, wrapping around my neck. Its cold black scales gracefully gliding across my skin before silencing my cries with the swift tug of its metallic USB head. The snake would maintain pressure until I let go of it, the entire time whispering into my ear, begging me to hold on. Some nights it came with what must have been a full stomach for it was drastically wider, it was brown these nights, with leather skin, and a slight warmth, but it behaved the same. Most visits from the snake ended with my vision blurry, my breath short, or my head dizzy. The only consistency of our transactions was Asia’s Death Lake that streamed down my face from start to finish. Eventually, the snake seemed closer and closer to silencing me forever, but I also became used to its visits. I began writing letters to everyone I loved so that, should the snake come out victorious, they’d have a final goodbye. Once I had sorted out my notes, I called the snake to my room. This time it came striped with shades of blue, its skin a soft fabric. For once, I controlled the snake, because our intentions finally aligned. I locked the door, sent out my texts, placed the written notes on my dresser, and joined the snake at my closet door. Holding onto the doorknob, the snake wrapped itself around my neck just as it had done in nights of the past. It whispered to me, “let go,” for I had been on my knees in hesitation. I followed the snake’s order by making a sort of plank with my body, the bottom half resting on a stack of dirty laundry and pillows while the top was supported by my elbows. Pressure swiftly fell down on my neck and didn’t stop. “This is it,” I thought to myself. My eyes seemed to pop out of my skull, and my tears, falling down like summer rain, became blurry dots as my vision went dark. Next thing I know, I’m waking up, snot, saliva, and tears strung between my face and the carpet floor. My head pounding and my eyes burning, I looked up at the “snake” that was the tie my mom had gotten me for Sunday service. Although my mind was more clear, it was not out of revelation, but from a muted sense of the world around me. Other than Isabella, nothing mattered anymore, and the little emotion I felt was squashed by my immortal love. The following day I get called to the counselors office on charges of suicidal thoughts and self harm. I said what I had to in order to escape her grasp, but left infuriated. Not only had my own friends betrayed me, but the lady who was supposed to guide me essentially scolded me for being sad. Throughout the day my anger faded out and my focus became making an excuse as to why my parents got a weird call from my counselor, then I’d find the traitor who sold me out. That afternoon, I lost two friends, and for the first time ever got mad at Isabella. Apparently, Miley, Maddie, and Isabella all reported me to the counselor that morning. They said I had been traumatizing them with what was going on in my life, being normal and messing around at school, then detailing my thoughts and actions to them outside of school. I felt like I had been tricked. I thought they were my friends. I thought they understood me. They asked me if I was okay, they said they wanted, cared, needed to know, but now I had scared them? I addressed what had happened with Miley first. She immediately lashed out at me, saying I should be thanking them, not be mad. While I didn’t want to accept it, I understood the core of her choices. On the other hand, Maddie’s response to my confrontation was disgustingly cruel. She said I had been unfair and just seeking attention, that no thirteen to fourteen year old should hear about what I was going through because it was unnatural. Before she continued, I apologized, that’s all I could think to do, because deep down I believed her. She told me it wasn’t all my fault because my brain was messed up, and that opening up to the girls would only make them not want to be friends with me. The one word that rang through my head then, and still does today, was “creep,” she claimed that what I felt wasn’t love, but I was just mentally unstable and creepy. Any remnants of the sweet kid from elementary school who just wanted a friend and loved everyone were obliterated. Maddie was right, all I had done was hurt and scare them, it didn’t matter what I thought. I told her all I could, that I didn’t know what to say other than I was sorry for the damage I had done, and I would try and get better. Her response, like a branding iron on my mind, was, “It’s not damage, it’s baggage. Imagine if the roles were reversed.” It was only then that I stopped texting back. I wish I could say it was out of frustration or self respect, but the reality of my manipulative traits is what silenced me. Shockingly, the response that hurt the most was from Isabella, yet it somehow meant the most to me too. Isabella told me that she needed me in the world. She told me that if I ever got those thoughts again, to think about her as well; to think about the pain I’d be causing her; to think about the trauma she’d live with for the rest of her life. After repeating the phrase, “I need you in my life,” she acknowledged how selfish it was, but still didn’t care. Isabella continued elaborating, she didn’t care because no label of selfishness outweighed the value of my life. What she said that night has been vivid in my mind since, but my only wish is that she had needed me as I needed her. Tears began to hide my freckled cheeks as I texted her about how much her words meant to me, how much she meant to me, and I apologized to her. I said sorry for the baggage I caused, the “creepy” behavior, and any other ways I had wronged her. I said sorry for loving her, and told her I’d do better. She disregarded my apologies, telling me that I could always talk to her because no matter the baggage she could carry, it’d be worth taking the smallest bit off of me. Her words meant so much to me, yet hurt me just the same. I hated myself for it. I couldn’t see a life without an affection for her, it was pathetic. If I truly loved her, I’d let my feelings go, right? What kind of person did that make me? Summer came and went. Hoping that time would kill the crush I had on Isabella, I prohibited myself from contacting her. Instead I spent time with my family and a few friends, but Isabella never left my head. Even when accompanying my dad to Berry College for the Governor’s Honors Program, she’s what filled my head. At first I felt frustrated because before I had come forward to her, she had known about the feelings I had. I came to the conclusion that she had been dragging me along, but even then I knew how easily that thought would be abandoned. First day of High school, I got in touch with her. For maybe two weeks, I maintained a platonic relationship before free falling into the ominous pit once again. This time felt different though, it felt like what I had thought about everyday, for what seemed eternity, could be more than a daydream. We texted each other throughout the school day and facetimed after her cheer practice and my band practice. Eventually, Isabella was falling asleep on call. Before, we’d talk long into the night, and it began to drain the energy out of the both of us. Now, we were listening to music, playing Roblox, watching Netflix, or just sitting in silence. I had never felt comfortable with silence, but she made it seem better than having a conversation with anyone else. It’s a beautiful thing when words aren’t required to appreciate someone. The moment I had the courage to do so, I asked her out to Steak n’ Shake. It’s just my luck that the restaurant was hardly a shell of what I remembered as a kid. At first the conversation was awkward because we hardly spoke in person, but as time progressed so did we. I still remember the tightness of my cheeks as I failed to suppress my ear-to-ear grin. The euphoric nausea and beating heart that disappeared throughout our conversation. I remember the booth we sat in, the fact that she wanted me to swap seats with her because of her creaky seat, the way she giggled, how I fought tooth and nail to pay for such a small bill, the way she smiled when she said, “next time you’ve gotta let me pay,” and the shared excitement for our next hangout. Even though Isabella and I were still friends, even though the restaurant was a disaster, even though the fries were stale and the milkshakes chunky, that moment is one of the best in my life. With how well things were going, I thought that it was my best chance at making something more out of this friendship. So, I shot my shot. I told her that despite my efforts the summer before, she still held a special place in my heart. Isabella responded with her own struggles with recovering from a past relationship, detailing the trust issues and pain she still felt almost a year later. I was yet again, devastated. Then she added that despite her own feelings, she had to be careful and the risk of losing our friendship scared her. I understood her reasoning, but it made me sick to think of how close I was. In response, I expressed how I could relate to those feelings, and the conflict I had with them. It felt ridiculous having opened myself up once again, to just be friendzoned. Her response struck me with both hope and devastation, “I f*cking love you a ton Lincoln, but I’m struggling to differentiate my admiration as a friend and as something more. I’m terrified of losing you.” Previously I would have seen this as a sign to keep trying, but at that moment, I couldn’t see past the blatant friendzoning. After pursuing her for so long, it felt cruel of her to continue dragging me along like this, even though she was being honest. My reaction to the straw that broke the camel’s back is one of, if not, the biggest regrets in life. Homecoming was a little over a week away and she was going (as friends) with my buddy, Davis, so in a storm of hatred for myself and the situation I was in, I gave up on her. Our conversations grew to be minimal and far apart. Soon, I started to resent her. Each day since then, I have somehow felt more remorse than the last for not asking her to Homecoming. Homecoming night is when I began flirting with Claire, a sweet redhead from gym class. We connected on not going with the person we had hoped for. All it took was me joking that I should’ve spent more time around her, instead of leaving the dance early, for Claire to lose her mind. Over the next month or so, I was becoming closer and closer with Claire, despite her irritable “quirks”. I only spoke to Isabella if she reached out to me first with the only exception being when I would ask her for “advice” about Claire, which was a shameful habit I started as petty revenge on Isabella. Eventually, Isabella blocked me on Snapchat, but it didn’t matter. Things with me and Claire were going great, she made me feel like I didn’t need to starve myself to be good enough for her. She made me feel like I was enough. For the next two and a half months, life was great. After the first couple months of ignorant bliss, I was sick of her. Sure, there were a variety of reasons to find her annoying, most people I knew could list more than they have fingers and toes, but she didn’t do anything wrong. I shouldn’t have gotten into the relationship in the first place not only because of Isabella, but also the speed at which me and Claire started dating. She was still growing out of the elementary relationship phase, so while it was nice to connect with someone so quickly, it was rushed. Another issue being that I was her first real boyfriend, the baggage that followed me was detrimental to her and I couldn’t give her the attention she needed. As me and Claire began our month long drift apart, I was unblocked by Isabella. She and I caught up, and we quickly began to talk trash about Claire while on call. It was unbelievably toxic, and I’m embarrassed of how I handled things to this day. Eventually, with the support of Isabella, I decided it was time to break up. The only issue was the guilt I had in such a terrible choice, I could never do it. So I began to get more distant by the day, ignored texts and calls, and stopped walking her to classes because “I had to pee.” Eventually she caught wind of my plans and called me after school one day. Sobbing, she told me what she had heard and how she knew it wasn’t true, but it still worried her. I began to get ready to break the news, but she was already crying so what's the worst that could happen? I wish I had never asked myself that, because next she told me she’d been cutting herself. My heart sank in remorse for what I knew I would do. If I led her on longer, the aftermath of my cold actions would lead to even more catastrophe. I was scared, but knew the lesser of the two evils I had to pick from. I calmed her down, quickly notified her friends to be keeping an eye on her, and then dumped her. To this day, I am disgusted by my actions. Throughout the past three months, Claire expressed how she had loved and trusted me, yet I threw that all away. There are so many ways I could’ve handled the situation differently, but two stood out the most. Showing respect by speaking to Claire the moment I realized my feelings had fleeted was the bare minimum that I disregarded, but the second was far simpler. I had known from the start that I was still in love with Isabella and that love never faded, but was only suppressed. The entire relationship we developed, while we both enjoyed parts of it (her more than me), was a lie, and essentially a cruel joke played on Claire. There’s no excuse for my actions, and even worse, I could’ve cared less back then. It was only when time had passed that I began to understand the damage I had done. Without Claire holding me back, my newfound freedom led to a closer friendship with Isabella. I dove headfirst into the familiar pit all over again. A friendship was not enough, I appreciated every interaction I had with Isabella, but my life depended on a future with her. It’s likely she felt this as she slowly began to drift away from me. Before I had stayed up speaking to Isabella, but now I couldn’t sleep out of the tormenting absence of her voice. The only path to good health was time; distance was best for the both of us, and I knew it. For the rest of that school year, everything around me was going, but I stood still. It was like my life was just a sitcom, and I was no longer the main character. The summer that followed was just the same, I was living but dead, moving but still, speaking but silent. I was dissociating from my friends and family, but the absence of that violent snake made my depression insignificant. Living a life without her was more punishment than death itself, and I didn’t deserve relief. Even now, I think of that summer and remember almost nothing, for my life isn’t worth remembering without Isabella in it. Sophomore year began, and so did my conversations with Isabella. This go around, I was subtle with my feelings for her. The excitement I had for speaking with her was under control, but it was because the spark inside me had faded, even when it came to Isabella.The years of self pity and depression had left a toll on me that could never be reversed, and it didn’t help that Isabella began to build a relationship with another guy. When we spoke, if we did, Isabella’s concern for my mental state outweighed the friendship we were struggling to preserve. I had come to the conclusion that pursuing Isabella would only make things worse, and I needed to just be her friend. Since I couldn’t lose the feelings I had for her, I just sat in them. While I sat in the pit, Isabella and I had one particular Facetime call in which I brought up how much I regretted dating Claire. To that, Isabella added, “Yeah, she’s so annoying. I can’t remember if you told me why you got together in the first place, what led you to her?” I paused with the thousand-yard stare of an American private fresh out of West Point. “I guess I was just so disappointed with myself for not being able to go to homecoming with you and being stuck on you for so long that I impulsively got with another girl to forget about my shortcomings,” I said with reluctance and stuttering every few words. She told me that she would’ve said yes to homecoming without a second thought, but I knew she meant as friends. Then, to my dismay, Isabella revealed that whenever I got with Claire, she still had feelings for me. It was me talking to Isabella about how great things were with me and Claire that led her to block me and cut contact with me. The piano melody from “No Surprises” by Radiohead began looping through my mind as tears ran down my face. I forget how I ended the call, but once I did, I broke. I lost my breath, my head got light, my eyes became blurry, my stomach was nauseous, and my insides sank as far as they could. Everything I wanted, dreamed of, needed had been so close, and I blew it. Everything was my fault. Later I would ask her why she lost them, and her answer proved how much better she was than me. Isabella answered, “I had been hurt, so I moved on. Just got over it.” We hardly spoke anymore, but one text message has found a permanent home in my mind. After asking me how I was, Isabella wasn’t satisfied with, “it’s complicated.” She asked that I explain it to her so that she could try to understand. I told her about all the issues going on in my life, except the torch I still held for her. She wrote, “I know you’re not religious, so it may not mean anything, but I pray for you every night, Lincoln. Even though it sounds bad, I think that I've known you weren’t in the greatest mental place for a while. I want you to know I'm not judging you, I want you to feel comfortable enough to share that with someone. You have to be able to recognize how you’re feeling in order to even fix it.” These words broke me despite their simplistic appearance. Reading that she prayed for me hit me hard as she had always tried to get me to believe in God again. I’m agnostic, and nothing has come closer to bringing me back to faith as Isabella did. The idea that if God were real and I could see her in heaven was appealing, but should Christianity be the wrong choice, I wanted to be wrong with Isabella. In the following days, Isabella told me about Alex, a guy she had been talking to a lot, and how they were at most a month away from being together. I hated everything about Alex, which is a stupid name in the first place. I hated his choice of friends, I hated how white-washed he was, I hated how he dressed like a conservative cowboy, I hated the underbite that made him look like a pug, I hated his short curly hair, I hated the fact that he was a diehard Trump supporter while people of his race were being oppressed, I hated how he pretended to be someone else when he was around Isabella, I hated how he hid unhealthy habits from her, I hated that a guy like him garnered Isabella’s affection when I couldn’t. I barely knew the guy and I was wasting my energy with hatred for him, when in reality, he was just a mind-numbingly basic douche among the hundreds just like him at our school. Isabella regularly complained about Alex, but hardly did anything. Instead she stopped bringing it up, saying that talking about her issues with others only makes it worse and that she was just wining. The monotone delivery of her reasoning hurt my soul, it was like she was reciting a text from Alex. Each day that passed, I felt the urgency of expressing my feelings one more time rising. Soon Isabella and Alex would be official, and I would lose my chance to try and express how I felt one more time. I reached out to Isabella and asked if she was free to hangout that friday. On November 10, 2023, Isabella picked me up around 5:30 in the evening. She kept the inside of her SUV looking brand new in contrast to the familiarity of her smile. My nerves left me winded after every sentence and shivering in her passenger seat. Quickly our conversation became more natural as I cracked jokes to ease my anxiety, but my shaky breathing never stopped. We went to Publix to grab some snacks and drinks and headed right back to my neighborhood park. At the Grove Point Park, we found a swinging chair to sit in. Due to the time of the year, the sun had already set, but Isabella’s beauty was indifferent under the moonlight. I haven’t the slightest clue how long we sat there together. When I’m with Isabella, even Father Time gives me grace, for he knows that he is as powerless as I am to the frequency of these moments. After a while, I mentioned that it was getting late and she agreed. On the ride back to my place, I mustered the bare minimum of strength it took to confront my feelings. As she drove over the speed bump before entering the roundabout, I began to open up. I briefly told her that I still felt the same way I did two years ago, that I had tried to forget about the feelings I had with no success, and that I was sorry to once again ruin our unstable friendship. She told me it was fine and my feelings were natural, nothing to regret or be ashamed of. Her words meant nothing to me this time because I had already heard them. Defeated, I paused for a moment, then said, “Isabella, you reciprocated my feelings in the past, so after Alex, do you think that maybe we’d have a chance?” She looked at me with pain in her eyes, not for herself, but for me. She quietly said, “I- Lincoln, you know I can’t answer that. I’m with Alex now, it wouldn’t be fair.” All I could get out was, “Oh- I- I’m sorry. Uh yeah no, you’re uh- you’re right.” Everything in me pulled and begged at my lips to say what I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I still look back on that night and wish I had said the few words I never got to tell her. What if saying them could’ve changed something? Realistically, it wouldn’t have, but the regret remains. I doubt Isabella would have even remembered where my word choice stemmed from. Regardless, the words rang in my head then, and never stopped. All I wanted to say at that moment was, “but I still need you.” Today, 1,725 days since I first saw Isabella, 822 days since I first facetimed Isabella, and 178 days since that heartbreakingly beautiful night, I still love her the same. Looking back on my experience with her, I regret many things (oversharing, Claire, the snake, etc.), but the one thing I have never regretted was meeting and loving her. It was only recently that I realized that loving her has been one of the biggest mistakes in my life. For three years, day in and day out, I’ve thought about her. Three years where I could have met other people, worked on myself, enjoyed my friends and family, but instead I’ve loved her and nothing, nobody else. The one lesson that was essential for me to take away from my experience was impossible. In eighth grade I was 5’7 and 215 lbs, today I’m 5’10 and 165 lbs. In eighth grade I spent time with my parents, today I hide in my room. In eighth grade, I told people how I felt, now I’m too scared. In eighth grade, I talked about my depression, now I am left alone to deal with it. In eighth grade, I had many friends, now I rarely speak to them. In eighth grade, I needed Isabella, but the one lesson I should’ve learned never took effect. I still need her.

(Ps, this is mine, I’ve posted it on another AITA subreddit)
AITA for letting my manipulative ex message me for more than a year?
I (17m) am trans and I’m happily in a gay relationship with my boyfriend also trans (16m). But almost 2 years ago I wasn’t with him. I was with someone else named F (privacy reasons) but it was long distance.
I’m an Australian and he’s an American. We did a long distance relationship like that. We dated end of 2022 to the beginning of 2023. It was completely fine and everything was okay. Until he cheated on me. He would manipulate and just emotionally waste me. Eventually I broke up with him in mid March of 2023 and I didn’t want to hear from him again. During the entire year start to end he would send me messages, unblocking me on different media’s and asking how I was. If we could become friends. I would say yes and things would always go back to things being intimate. I decided I didn’t want to hear from him at all last October. He wasted my entire 2023 and I wanted a fresh new start. Plus, I gained a huge crush on my boyfriend.
F had gotten into a relationship with my ex friend in December. I was unaware as none of them were in my life until F messaged me January this year saying this (I’ve shortened it)
“Happy new years, I hope you have a good year.” I replied asking what he wanted as he’s messaged me similarly during 2023 wanting me back. He said he was sorry and that the following month would’ve been our year anniversary (or something) and it would’ve been hard on both of us.
At this stage, I wasn’t aware he was already with someone. We spoke for a few weeks, he was flirting with me, telling me he ‘liked someone’ and would describe me. Then. Once more. I was randomly blocked. And that’s when I found out he was with my ex friend. It was getting ridiculous. Then, February, I got with my lovely boyfriend. Then. April. F messaged me. He had broken up with his partner because he liked me. He said he loved me, broke down over it. And eventually told me that he’s been ‘manifesting’ me, doing spells, and tarot cards on me to make me think of him. I was weirded out but I let him continue. (I would send every chat to my boyfriend). I told him “I love you as a friend.” Which was a crave mistake as he took it literal. Then, I was blocked.
Recently, he’s been stalking me, creating accounts, finding my socials as I’ve blocked him on everything. He’s gotten his friends to hunt me down, comment on my TikTok posts and stalk my Instagram. (Btw every time he blocked me, he would create groups to shit talk me and then message me again)
Also during this time. He had emotionally manipulated me once more, saying how he was going to S/H etc. and I didn’t want that to happen obviously so that’s why I didn’t block him sooner. But he also sent me gifts (before I was with my bf). He sent me a bouquet of flowers, bracelets, jewellery etc.
Going back on all of this I realise how wrong it is. And I should’ve had a clear mind. AITA?

My bf of 4 years broke up with me in March. We talked a few weeks later & we’re intimate but ultimately ended beginning of April.
He still had my location. Bc of this I would let him know if I were going somewhere (it helped him in the past). I had a gut feeling I should wait. He ended up going on a trip & we started talking right away. He unblocked me. He was saying how much he missed me & how I’m his person & home. We talked for almost a week & he was very consistent with everything he was saying. We were going to have a brand new start. We talked about the future & marriage.
I saw him the day after he got back. It was so good, except we got into a little argument. He said he was all of a sudden doubting us but that maybe he was jet lagged & needed sleep. I went over the next night & when he came home from work he told me he slept with a coworker three times. That they were dating but she ended it bc I still had insta highlights of us & she didn’t want to be involved with him. He said he likes her & wants to try with her. He said he meant everything he said at the time to me, but not anymore.
I tried to ask as many questions to process it, & he wouldn’t tell me the exact dates, but he was either talking to her while we were still something or right after he ended it. I’m trying to understand how he could be so about me & wanting a fresh start, as well as being intimate multiple times to taking it back. I also wonder why he would always ask what I did while we were apart & always checking on my location, & even saying thank you when I told him where I was going.
As much as I want to hate him, we were talking about a future two days ago. I know he meant it, & maybe he’s confused on what he wants. To start a new relationship (if she doesn’t reject him again) or try again with me & hope it’s not the same issues again. I’ve contacted him asking if I should be tested, about my things that are still there, & ultimately a bye letter. No response.
I know I’m going to be judged on this, but will he come back, especially after saying all those things to me the day before he ended it? Is this just a rebound (it was a very short amount of time they were dating)? We talked all day every day for a week…I’m assuming he’s going to miss that? Also, even after all of this, he was cuddling me & trying to have sex with me (we both stopped it). He obv still cares ?
Will nc work to help him realize everything he did tell me? I want our dog we share too…but he told me to leave him alone for two months & he’ll reach out to me about him. My dogs bday is in 2 1/2 weeks. Can I reach out then? I’m so sorry, I’m a mess.

Pretty much what the title says, I’ve fell in love with my friend and it’s just hard. We met through a mutual friend pre-covid. We went on a couple dates and nothing serious came of it, we ended up pretty close friends and became friends with benefits but nothing really more than that. Our fwb situation fluctuated on and off for awhile, mostly with me being the one to put distance between us and then to reinstate stuff.
After a while he got into a really serious relationship with a previous ex of his, and she from the beginning did not like me. He says she didn’t know we had hooked up before, and we didn’t hook up while they were dating, but she still just really hated me even though she’d never spoken to me. She’d have him block me and not talk to me, that kind of stuff. Every few days he’d unblock me, check in with me that me and my ma were okay (my mom is disabled and i’m mentally ill, another story for a different time), and let me know he was okay. Then he’d be silent again for another few days to a week til he’d text me again. They fought a lot and she constantly accused him of cheating on her with me.
We hooked up once or twice after that, but i essentially said that i couldn’t keep having sex with him casually because i couldn’t keep my feelings out of it. He respected that and while we’re still flirty when we hang out he hasn’t made me uncomfortable and pushed stuff further.
He got engaged in what seemed like a very fast fashion. He said it was somebody else from his past that he’d known for years. I tried to be respectful of that and i pulled away some. at some point during that time, the engagement got broken off, and he started isolating. i didn’t know until i reached back out a few months later to see how things had been.
the last few times we’ve hung out have been nice but tense in a way they haven’t been in a long time i think. at least for me. he got a hair cut and i was touching his hair cause it was so much shorter, i apologized for being too touchy and he grabbed the back of my neck like he was going to kiss me and reddit my heart stopped in my chest like i was a teenager? he said not to apologize for being touchy and kept going. i’m an affectionate person, i hug a lot and kiss checks on my friends, my family always has. i kissed his cheek and we watched a movie. the last two times he has left my house he has kissed me on the lips, nothing passionate but still different enough that i am confused.
i want to ask him straight up if he is at all interested in seriously dating or not. but his cancelled engagement is still fresh and i don’t want to jeopardize the friendship. he’s also had so much relationship drama in the past few years i don’t know if that’s something even worth stepping into with him. i want him happy, so if that’s not with me that’s okay. i don’t know what to do, and just would like outside advice. thank you for your time reddit.

Our relationship wasn’t perfect. He did cheat a lot but never physically. Which I’m not trying to justify that because it really did suck going through that. The past year he really cleaned up his act and I was relieved the cheating was behind us. This last year though he got my ring size and took me to the ring store to look at rings. We had a really great year last year. He wanted to try for kids and kept dropping hints about a engagement. I was so excited but at the same time my mom had a stroke. My whole life paused and I had to move back home to help her. She couldn’t walk for a while and forgot how to talk. She was able to say I love you for the first time a few days ago since her stroke. So he moved back into my moms with me and I was glad to have someone by my side during all of this because I felt so lost. We took a trip for his birthday and the day we were leaving we ate at a little breakfast diner. He told me he wanted to go back to college and get a better job to support us. He told me he didn’t want me to work and he wanted to give me the stay at home mom life. Obviously I was supportive of it. He also talked about going back to a old job for the time being that made more money and I was also supportive of that. So it had been a few weeks and I ask him if he ever got the interview for his old job. He told me he was just going to stay at the job he was at. I was obviously a little confused because we had this whole long conversation that said otherwise. We ended up getting into a argument over it sadly. He then told me he wanted to leave and get some fresh air. I stopped him because I was scared he was going to leave me completely because that happened last time he just needed to leave for fresh air.(For context he has broken up with me 7 times. It always for like a week or two. This last time it’s been five months) He asked me what I was so scared of. I told him honestly that I was scared he was going to break up with me and leave me. Not even 5 minutes later he said he didn’t want to argue anymore because he didn’t even love me. I cried and cried and asked him about him dropping all the hints that he was going to marry me. He said he lied. I was heartbroken and confused. It’s been months later and I’m doing a lot better. I still love him though. I want him in my life he was truly my best friend. The breakup was the best thing to happen to me sadly. I have two waitering jobs now and the money is good. I’m closer than ever with my family and my best friends. I made so many new friends. I’ve been a atheist for the past 6 years and turned back to christianity. All these good things have been going on in my life but I wish he could be apart of it. He recently unblocked me on social media. Seeing his Spotify playlists sent me for a spiral. Seeing him listen to literally everything laufey has ever put out was crazy. I guess I’m just wondering what I should do? I miss him like crazy and we’ve literally grown up together. I’m so confused how he changed his mind on everything we planned together.

Some context to start this off, I was in high school when we got hit with the pandemic now at the time I was fresh out of a toxic relationship and meet this girl. Sounds fake but within 2 days of texting each other she confessed her feelings and so did I, don’t know why but the vibes she was giving were amazing. Honestly she was wife material after some back and forth of trying to meet up with her failed I eventually got into this little depression that I ignored and after 8 monthsish of dating her I broke it off out of the blue. Now my depression hit a low at this point and I had many sleepless nights where all I could think about was her we had very deep conversations, conversations I never dared to have with my friends I convinced myself I would marry this woman. eventually I realized what I did braking up with her out of the blue with no explanation was stupid off me and I felt terrible at this point I got anxiety. Going forward eventually quarantine ended and I went back to in person school. From here I saw all my friends getting girlfriends/ love interests and only one person was stuck in my mind and it was her. I had her blocked on instagram because 1.) I wanted to keep her at a distance 2.) I believe it was a way of me being able to contact her at any time and it was this subconscious thing. At this point I had the balls to unblock and text her and as my anxiety peaked she responded. I did the classic, “can you call?” Corny yes but we talked thing out, I explained everything to her and my emotions and how I wanted to be open with her more (side note I was in this oh I’m a man I can’t say xyz bc I’m a man but she helped get past this) and we were in a situationship. To add on eventually I got to meet her in person after who knows how long and I’ll never forget that day because to me it was the best day after all the shit show that COVID brought won’t lie we had a good make out session now form here is where everything was fine until the talk. For starters I have rules when it comes to dating due to past relationships not working out the best now 2 rules my parents know and the girl parents would know something basic but super conflicting. We probably argued a bunch over when she’d talk to her parents letting her know who I was to her and it was just this argument that was horrible. I won’t lie I got insecure as I have been cheated on in the past and that feeling you get of unease it came back strong and eventually I broke I talked to my friend who is now not part of my life as they just wanted to see the world burn, they gave me terrible advice and I cut it off with her for a short time now a thing about me is I am a physical lover type because we would see each tiene maybe once every month it was hard on me but I held myself together. At the current time there was this classmate that was into me and you know where this is going I wasn’t committed nor talking to anyone so I decided to give a chance because I finally would get my type of love language and long story short that relationship gave me some trama that till this day is still effecting me, but getting to the end of this story I went back to the woman I thought I would marry and I told the truth she was of course hurt and felt betrayed because I told her I needed time to myself to think although initially true at the end of the day I lied and I also gave her an ultimate because for a 3-4 month span it was a back and forth of her saying she’ll tell her mom about us and I got tried so I gave her the choice of telling her mom or I would be gone (not suicide) and this situationship we’re would be over. At the time and I still don’t know how or why I thought I was doing the right thing but I was wrong now 3 years down the line and I regret every moment and have slowly been coming to terms with it. TLDR: I was a dumb high schooler who lost a future wife who would’ve been worth it if I was more open with her and friends

I am coming into this game fresh after playing sekiro for 2 months and beating the game.
I am really struggling with parry and dodge timing.. and I have them both upgraded.
Gigas has been wrecking me for hours… I can party about half of his attacks, but perfect dodging is near impossible for me. Any tips on this timing?
When the yellow circle pops up, is just the single next hit unblockable, or the entire combo?

I’ve not heard from my ex in like 3 years, and it’s been the best thing.
We started with an 11 month (I think) stint of no contact, but I had to face her in person at a friend’s wedding that I was a Best Man at. I remember being nervous beforehand, not knowing how anxious it’d make me feel to face her after all that time. I was dating a girl at the time (very fresh, like at least a month but we’d been chatting and building a friendship for a few months prior) and I remember telling her about it to be transparent - after all, my EX was going to be at this wedding I was going to. She joked: “as long as you don’t sleep with her, I don’t care that she’s there” (I laughed very hard)
I remember the wedding day and feeling absolutely fine. No dread, anxiety or negative feelings. It was strange - I felt great and like I’d really moved on. And I smashed it at being a Best Man - maybe having that as my focus helped even more.
Fast forward to today and I’ve not heard from her since. Sure, I’ve taken precautions when the relationship first ended: I blocked her on all social platforms because at the time I just didn’t want to see anything and I wanted to handle the breakup better than my previous relationship many years prior - where SHE had to block ME (I was very young and handled it poorly - an important learning experience when I was 18). I COULD remove those blocks now but what would I have to gain? I just simply don’t care anymore. It’s not something I ever think about to do - why would I?
I’m in a long-term relationship now (with the same girl quoted earlier) where we sometimes joke about our past relationship dramas in a playful tease of one another. And I put most of this growth down to no contact. It works. It really helps to not be able to see or hear about an ex, not to see any updates and just focus on yourself. Sure, you might go into it at first thinking “I’ll unblock later down the line” but honestly? You’ll forget about it and simply cease to care. And that’s a great thing. Focus on other things in life. I’m sure my ex would share the same sentiment and express how much happier she is for no contact - sometimes it’s best to just never speak again.
My mind is clear and I’m glad to be free from the weight that it once was. I know you’re struggling now, but do yourself a favour and initiate no contact now. Your future self will thrive because of it.
I had a notification recently on a comment on one of my posts from way back then, which in turn brought me back to this subreddit. So I wanted to drop in a positive post surrounding no contact. Hopefully it helps someone 🙂

This girl game into my office a few months ago. She was fresh out of break from her long term relationship and she was new to this city. I showed her around and we genuinely had a good time together. I started liking her and confessed my feelings to her. She told me she is not ready for all this which I totally respected. We were still in the same office and I found her company very relaxing even after getting rejected. But then one day she told me she is going to another office and that made me so sad. Seeing me this sad she suddenly started getting physical with me. We had crazy intimate moments for a month and by that time I got super attached to her. Then the day came when her office changed. I was obviously missing her because we used to stay together all day everyday and now suddenly she wasn't there. When I told her this she told me that she was only looking for something casual and nothing serious. It just broke my heart and triggered my anxiety attacks.I started getting super clingy and needy towards her and she just kept on pulling back. Regardless I helped her alot with finding a new place to live in and other stuff. She was still getting physical with me but my expectations were more from her and I stopped trusting her for some reason. She got super annoyed from the fact that I didn't trust her and made her mind that she doesn't want to be with anymore in any way. Me going through clinical anxiety and pretty much insomnia from a month told her that she should block me. And she did it so easily. After that I got even more anxious to the point I started getting heart palpitations. I pretty much begged her to unblock me again and she did but she wasn't responding to my messages or anything. Yesterday I called her and asked her how was it so easy to let it go. She told me 1) she was never emotionally attached 2) she would never respect me anymore because well I begged her 3) I should act like an adult and stop blaming my anxiety Then she cut the call and blocked me and told me she is never ever contacting me again.
Now I am going through some bad anxiety along with low worth, value and respect. I was so charming and happy before she came into my life. And suddenly I am stuck in this dark hole.

Long Story Short, I caused a lot of hurt in the relationship. We broke up on good terms, then went bad because the night we broke up I did single things(followed my ex) She hated me for a short while blocked me on everything. We work together so we see each other have mutual friends so we hear about what we are up to. Recently she unblocked me and we speak on the phone time to time. Ultimately she's still hurt and I own up to my actions and want to better myself and be a better person in general. She knows this, and she wants to work on herself as well because the relationship was 60% me causing problems and 40% her. So there's things we both have to change but I accept that im the cause of the pain in the relationship. We spoke yesterday and she broke down and said shes still hurt that the wound is still fresh. Since its only been a month And she wants to cut back communication to a phone call a week and hi n bye at work. Im starting to think maybe just going full no contact will be better for the both of us. I keep having this sense of false security like oh since we are talking that means we are gonna get back together. But the truth of the matter is she doesn't even wanna be my friend so I don't wanna keep giving myself false hope.
As being the cause of the breakup should I initiate no contact or should I leave it up to her. I respect the boundaries she placed but we both violate them. I wanna set my own but honestly I'm scared of losing her completely so that's why I don't. Maybe just her cutting me off or me her would be better for both of us.

Hello, I’ve always known I was weird! My gifts were not of the social ‘norm’ when I was growing up. Only in recent years are psychics and mediums becoming more abundant and recognized. Though I have those gifts, I was born a natural healer. I can remove or alleviate physical pain distantly. I have been successful at removing trauma, depression, anxiety and various other conditions that develop over time through life and experiences. I’m able to clear and unblock what needs to be gone allowing my clients to start fresh and move forward happily in life. I shunned my gifts for years because who wants to be known as weird… but… now I do. I embrace my weirdness because it was given to me from a higher power to help others. Up until Now all my clients have been word of mouth. I recently created an instagram page which I’ll link below to market myself. I get tremendous gratification when my clients sessions are finished and they are healed and no longer miserable. I have never taken classes, no one has ever shown me how to heal or use my gift, everything has been innate. I have been attuned with a very powerful modality which is insurable. I’m now a certified master healer through meet yourself energy healing modality. I never market or say I do reiki as that is taught, my healing gift is natural. I like to compare it to pranic healing. Feel free to reach out if you’re interested in some healing or a reset. It’s a very relaxing experience for those I work on. My business email is powersofenergy@gmail.com.

I (17m) am trans and I’m happily in a gay relationship with my boyfriend also trans (16m). But almost 2 years ago I wasn’t with him. I was with someone else named F (privacy reasons) but it was long distance.
I’m an Australian and he’s an American. We did a long distance relationship like that. We dated end of 2022 to the beginning of 2023. It was completely fine and everything was okay. Until he cheated on me. He would manipulate and just emotionally waste me. Eventually I broke up with him in mid March of 2023 and I didn’t want to hear from him again. During the entire year start to end he would send me messages, unblocking me on different media’s and asking how I was. If we could become friends. I would say yes and things would always go back to things being intimate. I decided I didn’t want to hear from him at all last October. He wasted my entire 2023 and I wanted a fresh new start. Plus, I gained a huge crush on my boyfriend.
F had gotten into a relationship with my ex friend in December. I was unaware as none of them were in my life until F messaged me January this year saying this (I’ve shortened it)
“Happy new years, I hope you have a good year.” I replied asking what he wanted as he’s messaged me similarly during 2023 wanting me back. He said he was sorry and that the following month would’ve been our year anniversary (or something) and it would’ve been hard on both of us.
At this stage, I wasn’t aware he was already with someone. We spoke for a few weeks, he was flirting with me, telling me he ‘liked someone’ and would describe me. Then. Once more. I was randomly blocked. And that’s when I found out he was with my ex friend. It was getting ridiculous. Then, February, I got with my lovely boyfriend. Then. April. F messaged me. He had broken up with his partner because he liked me. He said he loved me, broke down over it. And eventually told me that he’s been ‘manifesting’ me, doing spells, and tarot cards on me to make me think of him. I was weirded out but I let him continue. (I would send every chat to my boyfriend). I told him “I love you as a friend.” Which was a crave mistake as he took it literal. Then, I was blocked.
Recently, he’s been stalking me, creating accounts, finding my socials as I’ve blocked him on everything. He’s gotten his friends to hunt me down, comment on my TikTok posts and stalk my Instagram. (Btw every time he blocked me, he would create groups to shit talk me and then message me again)
Also during this time. He had emotionally manipulated me once more, saying how he was going to S/H etc. and I didn’t want that to happen obviously so that’s why I didn’t block him sooner. But he also sent me gifts (before I was with my bf). He sent me a bouquet of flowers, bracelets, jewellery etc.
Going back on all of this I realise how wrong it is. And I should’ve had a clear mind. AITA?

I’m a natural born healer
I’ve always known I was weird. My gifts were not of the social ‘norm’ when I was growing up. Only in recent years are psychics and mediums becoming more abundant and recognized. Though I have those gifts, I was born a natural healer. I can remove or alleviate physical pain distantly. I have been successful at removing trauma, depression, anxiety and various other conditions that develop over time through life and experiences. I’m able to clear and unblock what needs to be gone allowing my clients to start fresh and move forward happily in life. I shunned my gifts for years because who wants to be known as weird… but… now I do. I embrace my weirdness because it was given to me from a higher power to help others. Up until Now all my clients have been word of mouth. I recently created an instagram page & that’s where most of my reviews are. I get tremendous gratification when my clients sessions are finished and they are healed and no longer miserable. I have never taken classes, no one has ever shown me how to heal or use my gift, everything has been innate. I have been attuned with a very powerful modality which is insurable. I’m now a certified master healer through meet yourself energy healing modality. I never market or say I do reiki as that is taught, my healing gift is natural. I like to compare it to pranic healing. Feel free to reach out if you’re interested in some healing or a reset. It’s a very relaxing experience for those I work on.
Any suggestions to where I can target people who would be interested in this type of work would be much appreciated. Thank you so much!

New chipped switch lite user (have 2 day 1 gen1 on sx to atmos for years) trying to go legit with emummc and blocking servers. I followed rentey to a t and am having issues with exosphere crashing when blocking prodinfo is set to 1 on emummc. Just crashes. Disabling worked. Read elsewhere that the default.txt should be named emummc.txt on emunand so i did that. Worked but 90dns tester showed unblocked. After realizing I'm dumb and didn't have file extensions unhidden and fixing the emummc.txt.txt to just txt that is now also crashing my system. Am I missing a vital step to this setup not mentioned in the guide? Only fix for this is deleting atmos and fusee and replacing with fresh ones. I feel like a dink so any helps greatly appreciated.

I came back to 100% the game after a break. Previously, I was stuck on G-Bike part of the UPA quest due to the bugged quest. So I updated the game and chapter selected to 13 from a completed game file, but still can't complete the quest. Has this happened to anyone else?

1. If I Retain quest data, the quest in the quest log shows a blank image and no text. It does say "new quests are available in Corel" but there doesn't seem to be any way to complete. There are no map markers, no marker on the moogle teleporter in Gold Saucer, and the Shinra dude isn't anywhere. I've tried everything I can think of.
   
2. If I reset quest data, the quest shows in the log as missing requirements. I think the only way to unblock it may be to start from fresh quest data. But I don't know what the requirements are to unlock this quest, besides being in Chapter 13. Any idea?
   

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Nearby_Volume_7067
WIBTA for dumping my girlfriend after she ignored my calls and messages and went clubbing while I was undergoing emergency surgery.
Originally posted to AITAH
*Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU *
TRIGGER WARNING: neglect, negligence and ignoring serious health issues, major medical emergency
Original Post Apr 25, 2024
I 22M, and my girlfriend, 22F have been together for 5 years.
We've been together since high school, and until recently, I've always considered her to be my future wife. I've even bought a ring and was planning on proposing over the coming months.
Well, last weekend it was my girlfriend's best friend's birthday. She and her friends booked a private lounge at a club. Obviously, I didn't go since 1. I wasn't invited and 2. I hate clubbing or anything associated with that. I was actually looking forward to spending an evening alone and just binging Netflix or something. Well, my gf left around 9 pm, and I just crashed on the couch and watched some YouTube. Well, around 11 pm, I started to feel this distinct stomach pain. The same pain you experience when someone hits you in the nuts. It wasn't bad at first, and I just thought my body was playing some tricks on me, but in the span of about 5 minutes, the pain just kept getting worse until I was basically stuck in the fetal position on the couch. Again, initially, I just thought the pain would go, but then I pulled down my pants, and it felt like my right testicle was starting to swell.
The moment I tried to get up and grab my phone to inspect whatever the fuck was happening to me, I just collapsed to the floor. That was probably the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. Imagine being pelted in the nuts over and over again. I did manage to crawl to the table next to the couch to get my phone. I immediately tried calling my gf, but she declined my call. I then texted her that something was wrong and she could come home immediately. The club she went to is like a 5-minute walk from our apartment. I just put the phone down and started throwing up because of the pain. After throwing up for like a minute, it felt like the pain started to cool down a bit, and I grabbed my phone again, and that's when I saw her response. She just replied with a "What is it? 😒". I tried calling her again, but as expected, she just declined again. I then texted her that I need to go to the hospital now. She then asked for what, and I just replied with my balls hurt. I then just dialed for emergency services. I explained my situation to the emergency responder, and she asked if there was somebody that could drive me to the hospital, and I stupidly said yes. I thought my gf would be home soon, and she would drive me to the hospital. I felt embarrassed to call an ambulance because my "balls hurt." After I told the emergency responder this, she then told me that she would call me again in 10 minutes to make sure I was being driven to the hospital. I then put down the phone and went back to vomiting on our carpet. Again, after the pain went away for a bit, I checked my phone and saw that my gf just responded with laughing emojis. I again tried to call her, but as expected, she just declined again. She texted me that this wasn't the time to play games, and she then told me that if I texted or called her again, she would block my number. I again tried calling her, but she declined again, and when I tried calling her a second time, I realized she actually blocked me.
I went back to curling up on the floor, and now I started shivering. At this point, I didn't care about being embarrassed and just called emergency services again and asked for an ambulance. It felt like an eternity, but the ambulance eventually came and rushed me to the hospital. I don't remember much of surgery since I was sedated, but I remember waking up eventually, and my right testicle was being stitched together. The doctor informed me that I had a testicular torsion, and I was extremely lucky to reach the hospital in time. I could have easily been forced to surgically remove my testicle.
I checked my phone and saw the missed calls and messages my gf left me. In summary, she came home from clubbing and smelled the vomit in our apartment. When she saw the vomit on our carpet, she got mad and tried searching the apartment to find me. When she realized I wasn't there, only then did it hit her that I was actually being serious. I just texted her in which hospital I was staying in and my room number then went to sleep. I woke up the next morning and saw my gf sleeping on a couch next to my bed.
After she woke up, she started bombarding me with apologies. She thought I was joking, that I was trying to ruin their night, etc. I didn't have the energy to argue, so I just kept quiet. I was beyond hurt by what she did, and I wanted to break up with her then and there. Why the fuck would somebody ignore messages where their partner is begging them to come home? Not only that, she stayed in the club until 3 am and didn't even consider going home to check on me. She did stay with me in the hospital for the remaining two days I was admitted there and did take good care of me, but I was still beyond pissed at her. Ever since coming home yesterday, I've been wanting to dump her, but at the same time, I feel like she genuinely thought I was joking and made a mistake. I feel conflicted and don't know how to proceed in this situation.
WIBTA if I dumped her? Am I overreacting?
How would you guys navigate this mess?
Edit:
Just to clarify. No I never had an issue with her going out in the first place or have ever pulled pranks for her to come home from a night out.
And btw thank you guys so much for the support. Im beyond blown away.
Update Apr 28, 2024
First of all, I just want to thank all of you for the amazing support. It's been quite overwhelming, to be honest. I have so many unread messages, so please, guys, give me some time 🙏. I promise I'll respond to all of them.
Here is the link to my original Post: https://www.reddit.com/AITAH/comments/1cbea7w/wibta_for_dumping_my_girlfriend_after_she_ignored/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
First of all, I would like to clear up some misconceptions brewing in the comment section of my last Post.
No, I have never pulled any malicious pranks on my girlfriend to get her to come home early from a night out or anything, neither do I have an issue with her going out (as long as she doesn't come home at like 6 am). And no, I've never blown up her phone like that while she was out with friends. We usually go out together since we share the same friend groups.
Here are mine and her messages from WhatsApp in order since people thought I just texted her "my balls hurt" or something (translated)

1. Me: declined my first 2 calls (her name) please come home something is wrong.

​

1. Her: ??? can't talk rn. What is it 😒

​

1. Me: Tried calling her again. I need to go to the hospital.

​

1. Her: ???? What

​

1. Me: Again tried calling her twice. My Balls hurt. Please come NOW. Something is wrong

​

1. Her: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

​

1. Me: tried calling her again twice after calling emergency services.

​

1. Her: I swear don't bother me again or I'm blocking you. Let me fucking enjoy my night out.

​

1. Me: Tried calling her again twice and got blocked. (At this point, the pain was too bad to try anything with her anymore and I just called an ambulance)

​

1. Her next message after unblocking me at 2 am: (my name) Why the fuck is there vomit in the living room and where the fuck are you? Why is the front door unlocked if you left somewhere?

She then went into a full mental breakdown as she realized I was being serious about going to the hospital (over 70 messages)

• Yes, it was stupid of me to expect her to drive me to the hospital since she was drinking, but again, In that type of pain, you don't think clearly. I think I needed her more for moral support and I did it out of pure instinct.

​

• Not immediately calling an ambulance was also stupid of me. I was in a lot of pain, but stupidly at the time thought that whatever I was going through would eventually calm down and driving to the hospital would be better than calling an ambulance. Also, in hindsight, me being embarrassed about calling an ambulance over "my balls" was definitely also really stupid.

​

• The amount of mental gymnastics some of you did in my comments to paint me as some sort of dweeb or "emotionally needy" person for bothering my gf was truly mind-blowing to me. I promise you if my gf was in my position and I ignored her, none of you would be defending me.

Now for the update. Thank for all those who wished me a speedy recovery. I'm doing much better now. Not being able to go to work for the next 3 weeks is definitely a bummer. I work for my dad's construction company, and my job requires lifting a lot of heavy weights. I'm also prohibited from having any sex for the next 2-3 weeks as well. I might have also developed some trauma due to the pain. I randomly get the same sensation again, and it's driving me nuts (see what I did there).
As for me and my gf. It's complicated. As so many of you and my mom told me, 5 years is definitely a long time to be just throwing away without having a proper conversation with her. So I did just that. I told her how hurt I felt by everything. I mentioned the following points.

• Her ignoring my messages and declining my calls (yes clubs are loud but where I'm from there are smoking areas where you can definitely have a conversation over the phone.)

​

• Blocking me after I tried calling her.

​

• Her not checking on me once even though the club she went to is only a 5-minute walk from our apartment.

​

• Her being angry about the vomit instead of being concerned.

After hearing that she got defensive and told me that I could have conveyed my situation better and that she genuinely thought I was joking. She was drunk and wasn't thinking clearly. She also told me that It couldn't have been THAT painful and I was over exaggerating. I then told her yes I could have phrased my messages better and I apologized for that but I then described the pain I was in and told her that I barely had the strength to text her, let alone send her a detailed description of what was happening to me and definitely couldn't think straight throughout everything.
After hearing what I said she started crying and apologizing for what she did. She told me if she knew how serious it was, we wouldn't have been having this conversation. She then also apologized for her being mad over the vomit. According to her she was drunk and tired and was just expressing frustration. I then asked her why she thought I was joking and if she was cheating on me because this was seriously out of character for her, hence why I immediately trusted her with this. She started crying harder and she looked like I just slapped her in the face. She told me that she just thought I was being insecure about her being in the club with a bunch of guys and no she wasn't cheating on me and would never do something like that. We then hugged for a solid 10 minutes after that.
The next part was really hard for me but I told her I need some space to gather my thoughts and told her she needs to stay with her parents for the time being. She immediately started having a mental breakdown and asked If I was breaking up with her. I told her I wasn't sure and needed time to see If I still trusted her after all of this and what she did was beyond disrespectful. How could I trust someone with my life after they pulled something like this? I then told her that we are young and this mess was mostly caused by our immaturity, this entire situation was an important life lesson for the both of us regardless if we stayed together.
After begging a bit more she then put her head down and started packing a few essentials. Before leaving she told she would be willing to do anything to make up for this and that I could take as much time as I needed. She then gave me a big kiss and left. That was two days ago and this is where we currently stand. I still give her updates on my healing but besides that we don't contact each other.
I'm really torn right now. I still don't have that trust in her but her owning up to her mistake shows that she knows she fucked up and is remorseful. This is definitely something out of the ordinary for her, but there will have to be major boundaries and new rules set. I can think of the following.

1. If she blocks me again for anything = blocking herself from ever seeing me again

​

1. Ignoring my messages will not be tolerated anymore

​

1. If she goes out alone again, she has to pick up if I call regardless of the situation

​

1. As many of you suggested having an emergency code like "hospital" or something would probably have to be implemented.

I'm not going to abuse any of these boundaries but I just want peace of mind knowing that my partner has my best interest at heart even when she is physically not around me but idk.
Again I just want to thank you guys for everything and this whole experience was definitely an eye-opener for me.
Should I get back together with her? If yes, would my demands be reasonable and could I add something more?
WIBTA if I dumped her over this whole saga?
EDIT: I don't know what happened to the bullet points in my post. Seems to be a weird bug or something.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Dipshitistan

I have no idea if she was (is) cheating or not, but that fact is also fully irrelevant to the situation. You literally cannot trust her in situations where you could be seriously ill; that is the most basic level of expectation in a serious relationship. That all suggests to me that you aren't really in a serious relationship. Not in her eyes, anyway. Time to make the goodbye permanent.

OOP

Thats my biggest concern with everything.

~
Commenter

Do you still love her? Would you be able to forget the past and start fresh from here, and never bring up the incident again? As for your rules, 1 and 4 are good. The other 2 get you into controlling territory. If you have to go that far to save a relationship, is it even worth saving?

OOP

Ok thank you for bringing that up to my attention. I love her to death. Weve been best friends for 12 years and have been together for 5. Ill try everything to make this work. Edit: If I choose to get back together with her, wich as it stands now is unlikely.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7