Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.

Had a rough first term due to immigration issues beyond my control. Believe I can write a strong statement for either of these
But managed to improve significantly in second term. I understand things are quite slim but would it be possible or should I focus on less competitive placements? And if I end up in something I don’t like that much how does transferring work?

about 6 months ago, i was in a very toxic and filthy living situation with a childhood friend (i am f21 and he was m22). I became desperate on my roommate search, and moved in with a girl (f21) off facebook university roommate search. I met her a few times, found her to be really well put together and mentally stable (which i really needed to live with given my mental health issues.) this apartment is kind of expensive, we both pay 750-800 a month, and its some of the cheapest stuff you can find in my city unless you want to live in a shit hole. for a while, she was an ideal roommate. i prefer being alone, and she is basically using this apartment for storage and to lie to her parents (she is EXTREMELY CATHOLIC) while she stays at her boyfriend every single night and day. I maybe see her a couple times a week in passing, or she is here when i am at work or busy. I like to be energy efficient, i keep lights off when im not in the room, i do not use the air unless im warm or the heat unless im freezing. like i said, she was ideal for a while. then i started realizing things. she comes in and leaves all the lights on in the apartment, she organizes things of mine in my drawers and cabinets without asking, she nails pictures of jesus up on the wall and leaves ugly bible quote's everywhere (i am alternative and collect clowns, do taxidermy, and have pet spiders) so its a strange juxtaposition, she writes her to do lists on my calenders and weekly planners on the wall, she comes in and adjusts the air to insane conditions that she doesnt even realize because shes never here, and has the room with lots of space and sunlight that is almost twice of mine yet never spends time in it.(picture is comparison of our room, she lives door open so no i didnt go in there to take picture) idk what to do! she really wants to move with me when our lease is up (i would much rather stay here because i plan to move out of state next year) and she is refusing to negotiate a plan that works out for both of us, and is practically begging me to move with her. am i the problem?!? should i be more tolerable of people?! (first pic is her room second is mine)

Wow. So much has changed...
Long story short, I got my start in roleplaying back during the golden age of AOL and Yahoo (anyone else remember the Red Dragon Inn back in the late 90s and early 2000s?). Ah, those were the days, right? When the biggest worry was your dial-up connection, haha.
As I'm sure you'd all agree—finding long-term, advanced/literate writers is much more challenging these days. I have fond memories of when the process of coming up with a plot was an organic process; where you'd genuinely take the time to get to know the other person, build rapport, and allow a plot to form naturally.
That's what I'm hoping to find. With that said, I put a lot of effort into this post, so hopefully there's someone else out there who values the same things in a writing partner!
First of all, here's a bit about me as a person:

• I'm 30+, male, and I've written several novels and a bunch of articles, mostly in historical fiction and contemporary stories. Writing isn't just my job; it's pretty much a part of who I am.
• I'm always trying to learn something new, whether it's from books, documentaries, or just good old chatting. History and cultures fascinate me the most.
• When I'm not buried in books or work, I love to hike and take photos. There’s something about being out in nature that just clears my head.
• I love to read (especially non-fiction and historical fiction). I'm always down for swapping book recommendations, if you're also a reader!
• I love peanut butter (crunchy over smooth any day – fight me).
• On that note, if I'm being honest, coffee isn't just a drink for me; it's a ritual!
• I'm a big fan of the simple things in life. Give me a sunset, a good laugh, or a perfect slice of pizza, and I’m set.
• I love diving into those deep, meandering conversations that start with "what if" and end somewhere between "the meaning of life" and "why can’t we tickle ourselves?"
• Fun fact: I used to be able to recite all 50 states in alphabetical order — a party trick born out of a grade school challenge, haha.

Here's what I'm looking for in a writer:

• Writing Style - I'm looking for a partner who has a strong command of the English language. I'm talking about descriptive passages that paint clear pictures, dialogue that is crisp, concise, and not overly flowery. I prefer to write in the 3rd person, past tense. I prefer modern fiction and historical fiction stories.
• Communication - Life's unpredictable! What’s important is keeping each other in the loop about our schedules and any changes in the story or our approach. A quick heads-up can make a huge difference. It's all about being honest and direct with our feedback and thoughts.
• Long-Term Plots - I'm really looking for a writing partner who's in it for the long haul and is passionate about crafting intricate, plot-driven stories. For me, the joy of roleplaying lies in developing a story that evolves over time, with twists and turns that keep us both engaged and inspired.
• Sense of Humor - Writing together should be fun and relaxed, not just a serious crafting of narratives. It’s important to me that we can both throw in a bit of humor now and then, not only in our stories but in our interactions too.

And there you have it! If you're a detail-oriented, communicative, mature, and long-term story lover, you might just be the writing partner I'm looking for.
We should totally write such a good story that our keyboards will need a vacation after we're done, haha. I hope to hear from you!

I was having major stomach surgery on 8th April. Put a status saying I was about to go to theatre...... See you in the other side hopefully.
That night I wasn't with it enough to turn my phone on so left it till following day.
Turned it on to update my FB and let everyone know I was still alive. My name had been changed. I started getting WhatsApp from friends asking why my name had been changed. Had I been posting items for sale? Had I asked them for money, they really found this weird as I don't ask anybody for anything. Especially as I know none of them have it.
My partner tried everything to gain access for me. Everything from my user name, email, d.o.b. phone number, you name it. They changed it.
I've messaged FB several times, shown copies of my passport, my driving license etc given them every previous detail regarding my account.
Yet the bots say my evidence is not enough. I don't know what else to do.
The same night my Microsoft and Netflix were also hacked.
Any help in any direction would be appreciated. Especially losing my messenger and all the photos on my Facebook is devastating.
Some of you wonderful people must have a clue what I need to do?

I’m not sure if this is the right place for this, I’m new to Reddit and just wanted to see if there was any advice available since I seem to be hitting road blocks on every thing I seemed to have attempted.
I 30(F) was speaking to a man online for around 7yrs from Sweden, the relationship became sexual at some point and images were exchanged. He then decided to randomly cut off contact. Said he no longer wanted to speak and things were obviously not meant to be which I was totally understanding about, a week or so later I started receiving post to my family home with the explicit images that I had shared with him, to make it worse they were addressed to my father. He knows I come from a strict religious family and how many issues this could cause potentially endangering my life due to the honour aspect of it. I tried to catch these before anyone else did until he also started sending to my father’s workplace where I used to work and my previous colleagues viewing these images. My old boss is also a family friend who tried to hide it once he saw this guy had scrawled my name on the printed image due to him fearing for my life. He writes on each ‘I miss these or I miss you’ something along these lines and add different return addresses and names each time, only pays for them in cash. Though the post office he sends them from are around 5mins from his house each time. These have carried on for months and I’ve spoken to both UK and Swedish police, they have taken him in spoken to him, taken his electronics and even some evidence they found in his apartment. But apart from this it seems to be a waiting game as he continued to post even after he was taken into the police station, it has been passed to U.K. to conduct another statement for extra details since Swedish police are unable to do this over call/videocall. Ive tried to find lawyers or anyone who can help with any advice or anything further I can do but seem to come to dead ends with the U.K. side since they don’t have people specialising in Swedish law. I’m not sure what the next steps are and if I need someone to be with me for this statement or if there are any helplines available.
This has my life on pause where I’m afraid to leave my house before the post gets here or go into work unless I have paid to have post stopped each week. It’s had a massive impact on my mental health with me also having to take time off work and I’m unable to involve any family member or any friends around me due to the fear of judgement or being seen differently. Any advice would be welcome

Today I got my Med school results of 2nd proff. I passed it. Good enough grades. A little backstory to it :
I've always been a decent student. I always go overboard in making things good academically cause I never want to end up being a disappointment. I do all the classes, attend lectures, and study my level best. From school up until my college life, I've been doing good enough. I am not bragging at all just laying down the situation here. So, my exams were in March. I've studied and hustled for the entire year for these exams, but I don't know how and why, my exams didn't go well as compared to the efforts and energy I gave in to it. Every single morning before going to attend the exam, I would always end up crying while revising. It was truly just a bad, very bad phase. Somehow, the exams got over. Fast forward to the days ahead, when I told people around me, including my friends and parents that I expect something bad in the result and that I didn't do as good as I expected it all to be.
No one, not even a single person agreed and accepted. Not even ONE. Everyone was like, “you can do it. Ofcourse if you wouldn't do, who else? You've always been this way. We know you can do.” I actually can't explain and write the exact sentences, but all I wanted was someone to just understand what I meant, what I have in my head. I don't understand why academically good students always are laid down with this image that they can never ever have a bad phase, bad day, bad exams? Why? Aren't we humans? I'm not talking about those who brag unnecessarily. I'm talking about the ones who genuinely do for others and this one time confessed that they aren't expecting anything good this time, that they didn't do well. That they had bad exams and all their efforts ended up in vain.
I'm close to my dad. Enough close that I call him every single minute if I'm panicking. The entire exam time, I used to tell and talk to him. During exams, I told him that my exams aren't going well and that I'm still trying my level best. Everything that I can do. He was supportive. I love him for that. Same with my mom.
Right after exams, when I told them and talked to any of my friends or my dad or mom about results, they would shrug it off like, “let it be” “it's okay” “nothing's wrong” “stop overthinking” “you're a good student, if you wouldn't have good grades, who else will?” “if you're saying this then what will happen to us who don't study as well as you?” Bro I'm tired of this generalisation.
When I say I'm tired. I genuinely am. My results got out today, finally. I did well. I passed :)
The point that I was so happy and people killed my excitement. Some started talking about how I didn't get a top 10 rank. I called my dad first. The very first person. He simply said, “congrats.” Not a single word. He knew everything, my panic, my random urgent calls cause I was going numb while preparing. But all he did was a bland reaction. He instructed me to call my mom then all my relatives (pretty simply my relatives are hella toxic, and negative people. They kill off the vibe.)
I called mom. Same reaction. “congrats!” “did you get the marks too?" And the next minute the topic was about her side of the family and what all she did in her day. Okay. Accepted. Never mind.
Next I called my relatives, one of them said “oh wow good news. Good good.” That's it.
Onto the next, I called her. She said, “oh you finally remember me? Oh so you got your results that's why you could remember me?” :))))))
I was telling my friends, but they all kept repeating like, “if you (my name) would've been failed, then what would've happened to us? Oh come on, stop acting like this. Stop lying. Stop pretending. We knew you were gonna do well.”
Enough y'all.
I didn't need attention. I just want to say that I just wanted a little time to process. I wanted people to understand that this was really an unexpected good result and I was genuinely happy with it. I wanted people to treat me and my result that way. Why can't academically decent people have their share of bad days without people always generalising them that they can never have/ never had seen failures?
I'm writing this while I'm in my hostel room, my best friend is soundly sleeping, probably with just the idea of the dried out responses of my family and nothing else. It's me, my playlist and this rant I'm writing right now. I'm probably not going to sleep at all tonight, will rather have my alone time and process it alone than expecting reactions from people without making me feel like, “oh? You're pass? We already knew. Why is it a big deal for you eh?” Fuck this. It's a big deal for me. I'll manage, process, accept and enjoy on my own.
Thanks to anyone who read this. Have a good day <3

I'm currently on day 4 no nicotine, having previously smoked Ive been using nicotine pouches since before Christmas, today I felt entirely manic pacing around reorganising things etc, when I finally forced myself to get some food and try and relax I almost immediately had a series of panick attacks, not able to focus at all, tingly hands, wide pupils, almost not able to move from fear and out of body the entire time, I spent the rest of the evening pacing from room to room not really able to communicate even with myself, I seemed to have calmed down a little but it's very tough even just to write this, I'm quite worried to go to bed now as I've been waking in the night feeling a similar way. Any advice? Thanks.

A man walks into a talent agent's office and says, "Have I got an act for you! It's a family act.'" The agent says, "Okay, I'm listening. What do they do?"
The man starts, "First, the father, Donald, comes out. He kicks things off by boasting about grabbing women by their privates because, as he says, his celebrity status lets him do whatever he wants. Then he mocks a disabled reporter, flailing his arms in a grotesque imitation. He incites violence at his rallies, encouraging his supporters to 'knock the crap' out of protesters. He calls for a complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States. Behind him, screens show clips of him separating children from their parents at the border, dismissing COVID-19 as a hoax while thousands die, and making comments about how if Ivanka weren't his daughter, he might be dating her. "Then his daughter, Ivanka, steps in. She’s promoting her fashion line, which is made in sweatshops overseas. She stands by her father as he calls neo-Nazis 'very fine people,' and she defends his policies on social media while trying to rebrand herself as a champion for women and families. Her husband's failed Middle East peace plans and misuse of federal resources for personal gain play on the screen behind her.
"Next, Donald Jr. and Eric Trump join in. Donald Jr. starts by boasting about their big game hunting expeditions, proudly displaying photos of themselves with endangered animals they've killed. Eric, looking disheveled and twitchy, brags about funneling money from Trump charity events into the family business and echoes his father's conspiracy theories about rigged elections and political enemies. The screen shows headlines about their shady business deals, ongoing investigations into their financial practices, and rumors about Eric's cocaine use. "Melania, Donald's wife, makes an appearance, delivering a speech about anti-bullying that’s a blatant rip-off of Michelle Obama's. She stands silently next to Donald as he boasts about his sexual exploits and pays off porn stars, her stoic demeanor barely hiding her disdain. The screen flashes images of her wearing a jacket that says 'I really don't care, do u?' while visiting detained children at the border.
"Finally, the youngest, Barron, walks in, seemingly oblivious to the chaos around him. He’s on his phone, playing games, while the rest of the family descends into a chaotic shouting match, each trying to outdo the other in self-aggrandizement and offensive rhetoric. Screens show the endless stream of tweets, lies, and scandals that have defined their time in the public eye. "As the act culminates, the whole family stands together in front of a backdrop of a gaudy, gold-plated Trump Tower facade. They strike a triumphant pose, surrounded by a whirlwind of lawsuits, impeachment trials, and global condemnation. The crowd is left in stunned silence, unsure if what they saw was real or some elaborate satire."
The agent, flabbergasted, asks, "What do you call this act?"
The man grins and says, "The Aristocrats!"

So, it's been a while since i wrote a post. Okay not so much time has passed, I just missed yestarday's streak. But it's not because of me, but because of my dear team.
Earlier, I wroted that I have to do some group works. In some of them I'm leader, but not in that. I thought that it won't be nothing bad if I won't track their progress. I knew that they are very busy, but me too so I hoping they understand their responsibilities. HO-HO, I was SO wrong!
First of all I need to tell what was that work. We need to make a business plan for starting a business. We choosed cyberclub because we had a work with the same theme of previous year from some guy. I took almost in every class of this discipline, they almost never (but IT'S okay, it doesn't matter). A month has passed and no one didn't started, me either, so I decided to assign tasks. They said: "Oh okay, thanks, we will do it", but they won't. 2 weeks left and they hadn't done anything. Then 1 weeks left. I slightly hinted that we have not so much time and we need to make the project. One of them finally started doing something, another one said he will start later. Saturday - deadline, we need to send a document with our work over by the end of the day (thanks that we can do this online). We worked in word 365, so I opened it in 3pm and I see almost nothing. I started to write in our chat to understand why didn't they do anything. And guess what ? They forgot that we need to do that damn project. 9 HOURS LEFT, and they wrote me this :) . Of course, they started work (really!?), and they did their parts.
But there is one little thing. The work consist of 3 chapters: juridical opening of a business, market analysis and financial calculations. We have done only 1 and 2 chapter, we couldn't started 3 chapter until previous ones were finished. 1 hour left, so I tell them to do that chapter while I'm correcting our work (font Times New Roman, automatic table of contents and other things). One of them made expens calculation. They were wrong and not detailed, so I just made this myself. But another one refused to help with this because: "We have the work with the same theme, so you need just change numbers". This line is ingrained in my head now because I spent 8 hours, I didn't sleep at all just to do that while they were sleeping. Of course we didn't send it on time, but sorry that i physically can't calculate income and expenses for two years ahead in 10 minutes. I am studying to be an programmer not an economist but at 5am I rewrote expens table for the 5th time because I forgot to consider spending on plumbing. I ended it to 7am and after this I fell in bed and slept unlil 4pm. In the left of the day I just tried to rest so I didn't even open reddit.
So what in result. I ruined my sleeping schedule (sheeesh it's 0:32 now), skipped a streak and I have difficulties to return my flow state.
BUT, it also made me think about human indifference and irresponsibility. I had actually good relationships with those two but it didn't stop them to act selfishly. I knew that I'm too nice and altruistic and now I experienced the consequence of this. So today I wrote a big and tough message to my another team, because they also do nothing and it's 1 month left to make a project. As a leader I need to be more cold and demanding especially if we are in a good relationships. Oh forgot, as a pros now I also have a good theme for a post :)
P.S. It was a huge post for me. It can be messy but i just wanted to write about this. So yeah, it was a good life lesson for me and I hope it will be helpful for you, readers. And goodnight.
P.P.S The first version of this post had so much swears but I don't know are they acceptable, so I just removed them all.

Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:

1. He raped me along with other men.
2. He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
3. He said he would break us up if I said anything.
4. Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
5. Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
6. It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. 7. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
7. He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you M&M.
8. He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them "he didn't do anything wrong"... once my supervisor left JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
9. At this point I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other woman and they accused you too.
10. He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
11. He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you M&M. He destroyed every memory of us, and every picture. He destroyed "US".
12. He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
13. He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
14. All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
15. He forwarded all my mail to his home.
16. He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
17. Through hypnosis he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self esteem and worth even moreso. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex husband. Relationships I would have never entered but he intervened.
18. He kept me from my Gd.
19. Throughout the time he took possession of me he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
20. I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him etc.
21. People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
22. He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life, since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
23. He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally.
24. My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
25. I was never going to remember you but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that at least.

There's a lot more but that would be longer and this is loonngg..
So dude, that's some of it. Just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.

Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:

1. He raped me along with other men.
2. He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
3. He said he would break us up if I said anything.
4. Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
5. Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
6. It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. 7. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
7. He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you M&M.
8. He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them "he didn't do anything wrong"... once my supervisor left JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
9. At this point I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other woman and they accused you too.
10. He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
11. He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you M&M. He destroyed every memory of us, and every picture. He destroyed "US".
12. He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
13. He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
14. All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
15. He forwarded all my mail to his home.
16. He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
17. Through hypnosis he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self esteem and worth even moreso. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex husband. Relationships I would have never entered but he intervened.
18. He kept me from my Gd.
19. Throughout the time he took possession of me he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
20. I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him etc.
21. People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
22. He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life, since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
23. He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally.
24. My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
25. I was never going to remember you but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that at least.

There's a lot more but that would be longer and this is loonngg..
So dude, that's some of it. Just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.

Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:

1. He raped me along with other men.
2. He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
3. He said he would break us up if I said anything.
4. Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
5. Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
6. It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. 7. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
7. He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you M&M.
8. He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them "he didn't do anything wrong"... once my supervisor left JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
9. At this point I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other woman and they accused you too.
10. He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
11. He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you M&M. He destroyed every memory of us, and every picture. He destroyed "US".
12. He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
13. He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
14. All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
15. He forwarded all my mail to his home.
16. He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
17. Through hypnosis he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self esteem and worth even moreso. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex husband. Relationships I would have never entered but he intervened.
18. He kept me from my Gd.
19. Throughout the time he took possession of me he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
20. I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him etc.
21. People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
22. He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life, since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
23. He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally.
24. My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
25. I was never going to remember you but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that at least.

There's a lot more but that would be longer and this is loonngg..
So dude, that's some of it. Just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.

I am currently writing my personal statement and I remember we had an admissions officer come in and give us advice on them. In his advice he said, "Stay away from being over dramatic/stretching the truth of what happened, saying a dentist changed ur life, stay away from negative things (challenges in life)."
While I can definitely agree with the first two points, the third worries me. In my personal statement, I talk about my first serious exposure to dentistry which was my wisdom tooth surgery in high school. A root fragment was left behind, causing a painful infection and a lot of other problems. Would talking about this as an intro but then tying it into an experience I had shadowing and the importance of honest and open communication with patients work ? or am I being too negative by even bringing it up and should I find a new experience to be the one that sparked my interest in dentistry (even though that would not really be true).
I am trying to make sure I do not spend too much of my essay focused on my negative experience, and more on the positive dentists that helped me along the way.

Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:

1. He raped me along with other men.
2. He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
3. He said he would break us up if I said anything.
4. Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
5. Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
6. It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
7. He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you, M&M.
8. He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them, "He didn't do anything wrong. "... once my supervisor left, JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
9. At this point, I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other women, and they accused you of you too.
10. He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor, and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
11. He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you, M&M. He destroyed every memory of us and every picture. He destroyed "US."
12. He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
13. He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
14. All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
15. He forwarded all my mail to his home.
16. He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
17. Through hypnosis, he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self-esteem and worth even more so. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex-husband. Relationships I would have never entered, but he intervened.
18. He kept me from my Gd.
19. Throughout the time he took possession of me, he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
20. I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him, etc.
21. People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
22. He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
23. He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout, and he won't believe if I succeeded professionally.
24. My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much that I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
25. I was never going to remember you, but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that, at least.

There's a lot more, but that would be longer, and this is loonngg..
So dude, that's some of it. I'm just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.

1. Have more faith in the power of the gods, I can't speak for others but I'd sure would never dedicate myself to a being who was threatened by a single, English word.
   
2. On that note, "Apep" is not the god's name, it is a modern, English, best guess transliteration at best, and completely ignores the inherent magic of hieroglyphics compared to our much more savage language.
   
3. In billions and billions of years, Apep has accomplished exactly nothing.
   
4. The very concept of Apep is paradoxical. The self, the gods, even if the world of matter returned to chaos these things would not cease to exist, for they do not stem from or rely upon matter.
   
5. Everytime someone says/writes "Apep" is a defiance against it, for chaos/non-existence would allow no such thing to be said, it would be an impossibility.
   

DISCLAIMER: This respectful and civil debate is oriented towards muslims. For the sake of the moderators time and also the readers I will only list 5 problems I've found. But don't worry I have 20 more to post if this post has more traffic!
According to the Quran, Jesus was a prophet of Islam, his followers were Muslims and the gospel is the inspired preserved authoritative word of Allah. But when we go to our earliest records, we find Jesus claiming to be the Divine Son of God who would die on the cross for sins and rise from the dead. Jesus followers proclaimed him as their Risen Lord, the gospel that Christians have been reading for nearly 2,000 years tells us that "Anyone who claims to be a prophet, rejects Jesus death, resurrection and deity is a false prophet and an antichrist" - 1 John 2:22, a verse to remember.
Problem 1. Earlier Records for Paul's Life than for Muhammad's Life - Our records of Paul's life are much earlier than our records of Muhammad's life. And here I don't just mean that Paul came centuries before Muhammad and so we have earlier sources for Paul's life, I mean that when we talk about the teachings and deeds of Paul the biographical sources we use are much closer to the events they report than the biographical sources we use when we talk about the teachings and deeds of Muhammad. Our earliest biographical sources on Paul were written during the lifetime of Paul. The book of Acts for example was written in the early 60s before Paul was martyred, and it was written by a traveling companion of Paul who was an eyewitness to many of the details he reports. We also have numerous letters written by Paul himself. Our earliest detailed biographical source on Muhammad is the sirah (biographical literature), especially the work of Ibn Ishaq (d. 768) which was written more than a century after Muhammad's death. And we don't even have what Ibn Ishaq actually wrote. We have an Abridged version that was sanitized by a later scholar and we shouldn't forget that many Muslims don't trust Ibn Ishaq. When Muslims quote stories about Muhammad, they're usually getting their information from sources like Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim, which were written two centuries after the time of Muhammad.
Problem 1.1. But it gets worse... The main reason for composing works like Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim was that Muslims were composing so many false stories about Muhammad, people didn't know what to believe. Scholars like Bukari decided that they needed to collect stories they thought were accurate in order to distinguish them from the ever increasing supply of false narrations. Now if Muslims during the time of Bukhari were inventing stories about Muhammad, what about the generation before that, and the generation before that..? And the generation before that? Two centuries is a lot of time to make things up, that's why it's always good to have sources written within the lifetime of the person you want to know about or at least within the lifetimes of the eyewitnesses. When we learn about Paul we learn about him through first generation eyewitness accounts. When we learn about Muhammad, we learn about him through late sources written by people who didn't know him, whose parents didn't know him and whose grandparents didn't know him. People who were fishing for historical facts in a sea of fabrication and deception. A few years ago the crumbling historical foundations for the life of Muhammad led the Islamic scholar Muhammad Sven Kalisch to conclude that Muhammad probably never existed. I don't agree with Dr Kalisch's conclusion about Muhammad's existence, but when even Muslim Scholars are starting to recognize how difficult it's become to take Muslim sources seriously our confidence in the historical Muhammad vanishes.
Problem 2. Paul Was a brillian scholar; Muhammad Was Not - The Apostle Paul was a brilliant scholar who defended his views in Athens, the intellectual capital of the ancient world, and in other major cities. He had discussions with the Stoic and Epicurian philosophers of his day and he could quote their sources to them. Even Anthony Flu, one of the 20th Century's most impressive critics of Christianity, said that the Apostle Paul possessed a first class philosophical mind. Muhammad by contrast was an illiterate 7th Century Caravan Trader. Now being an illiterate 7th Century Caravan Trader doesn't make you wrong, just as being a brilliant scholar doesn't make you right. But when we're dealing with claims about history and theology and various other topics having some sort of education helps. Not having an education leaves you open to obviously false revelations because you don't know enough to recognize them as false. This is why we find Muhammad telling his followers that Dhul-Qarnain traveled so far west he found the place where the sun sets, and that stars are missile that Allah uses to shoot demons, and that semen is formed between the backbone and the ribs. These are exactly the sort of absurdities we would expect from someone who has no clue what he's talking about, and who therefore has no clue whether his revelations line up with reality.
Problem 3. Paul knew the Old Testament; Muhammad Did Not - The Apostle Paul was a Pharisee who studied under Rabban Gamaliel II, one of the greatest Jewish rabbis of the first century. Paul knew the Old Testament inside and out which is why he quotes the Old Testament so frequently in his writings. This is important because Jesus claimed to fulfill a variety of Old Testament prophecies and you can't really examine this claim if you don't know what the Old Testament says. Muhammad was almost completely ignorant of the Old Testament because his knowledge of the Jewish scriptures was limited to what he heard in conversations. Not surprisingly despite Muhammad's numerous interactions with Jews in Arabia the Quran contains very few quotations from the Old Testament. Due to his ignorance of the scriptures Muhammad couldn't tell the difference between stories that were in the Torah and therefore divine revelation and stories from later Jewish writings and commentaries some of which were so late and so obviously fabricated they weren't far beyond the level of bedtime stories. Imagine how amusing it must be for someone who specializes in Jewish literature, to read the Quran and find so many fables being presented to Muslims as Revelation. Cain being taught how to bury the dead by a raven (al-Ma`idah (The Table, The Table Spread) 5:31), Solomon listening to a speech by an ant (Surah An-Naml - 15-25). But Muhammad just didn't know enough to distinguish scripture from non-scripture. Muhammad's ignorance of the Old Testament is also noteworthy because, like Jesus, he claimed to fulfill Old Testament prophecies. If Muhammad had been more knowledgeable of the Torah, he would have known that he couldn't possibly be a prophet for numerous reasons. For instance:
Problem 3.1 Muslim sources report that Muhammad once delivered what are now called "The Satanic Verses" to his followers. These verses promoted prayers to three pagan goddesses, Al-Lat and Al-'Uzza and Manat (Surah 53:19-20). Muhammad bowed down in honor of these polytheistic verses and his followers bowed down with him. But a little later Gabriel confronted Muhammad about his sin, Muhammad confessed in the history of AT-TABARI 6:111. So Muhammad admitted that he delivered a revelation that didn't really come from God. Why is this important? Well in Deuteronomy 18:20 "God declares but a prophet who presumes to speak in my name anything I have not commanded or a prophet who speaks in the name of other gods is to be put to death".
Problem 3.2 Muslims claim that they respect Moses, but if Muhammad had delivered "The Satanic Verses" during the time of Moses, Moses would have ordered the people to pick up stones and stone him to death as the most obvious false prophet in history. Muhammad didn't realize this due to his lack of familiarity with the Jewish scriptures.
Problem 4. Paul Was a Contemporary of Jesus Muhammad was not - The apostle Paul was a contemporary of Jesus and he spent much of his time in first century Israel, this put Paul in a perfect position to gain accurate historical information about Jesus. If you want reliable information about a person it's pretty helpful being a member of the person's own generation. And Paul was right there. Muhammad was born more than half a millennium after Jesus death in a completely different country. Since he couldn't read, apart from Divine Revelation his knowledge of Jesus was limited to whatever stories were popular in 7th Century Arabia. This is why when we read the Quran we find so many stories about Jesus that are known to be forgeries. Mary giving birth under a palm tree Surah Maryam - 16-26, Jesus preaching when he was still a baby Surat Maryam [19:29-34], Jesus giving life to clay birds Surah Al-Ma'idah - 110. We know where these stories come from, and they don't come from the first century.
Problem 5. Paul Spoke the Relevant Lanugaes Muhammad Didn't - The Apostle Paul was fluent in Hebrew Aramaic and Greek. All of the languages necessary for understanding the Old Testament, the claims of Jesus and the earliest Christian writings. Muhammad couldn't speak any of the relevant languages so any attempt to understand the Old Testament, the claims of Jesus, or the earliest Christian writings would have required the help of interpreters. I normally wouldn't bring this up as a problem, but since Muslims are obsessed with reading the Quran in the original Arabic, we can only assume that the writings of Moses, the teachings of Jesus and the writings of Jesus followers can only be understood in the original languages. Paul could do that, Muhammad couldn't. Muhammad's ignorance of the original languages leads to further problems: For example the Quran refers to the book revealed through, Jesus as the "Injil", but the Arabic word Injil is ultimately derived from the Greek word "Evangelion" meaning good news. So according to the Quran the book, revealed through Jesus was written in Greek, this makes absolutely no sense if Jesus was only sent to his fellow Jews as Islam claims, but it makes perfect sense if Jesus message was for the rest of the world as well since Greek was the international language of the time. Interestingly the New Testament gospels were written in Greek, exactly what we would expect given the quran's use of the term Injil, but quite unexpected given Muhammad's notion of Jesus life and mission, not to mention Muhammad's conviction that Revelations can't be translated. Quite hypocritical indeed.

1. Have more faith in the power of the gods, I can't speak for others but I'd sure would never dedicate myself to a being who was threatened by a single, English word.
   
2. On that note, "Apep" is not the god's name, it is a modern, English, best guess transliteration at best, and completely ignores the inherent magic of hieroglyphics compared to our much more savage language.
   
3. In billions and billions of years, Apep has accomplished exactly nothing.
   
4. The very concept of Apep is paradoxical. The self, the gods, even if the world of matter returned to chaos these things would not cease to exist, for they do not stem from or rely upon matter.
   
5. Everytime someone says/writes "Apep" is a defiance against it, for chaos/non-existence would allow no such thing to be said, it would be an impossibility.
   

Hi! I'm not an orbit (I'm carat) but I saw a post today of someone saying that they still listen to LOONA officially :( so I thought I would make a guide in case anyone is new to digital piracy. This guide may seem long, but I swear it's very easy and a lot of it is just me yapping. I've included a lot of different options, so that's why the guide is really long.
To get this out of the way, make sure to stay safe online to avoid viruses! Remember many websites that aid in piracy are trying to get personal information or give your computer viruses.
Downloading mp3/mp4 files: I found a twitter thread online that has downloadable mp3 files of LOONA (I haven't tried it out but it doesn't seem unsafe, just be careful). You can also download files given youtube links on the website yt1s.de (or alternatives, just search of yt1s, yt5s, etc.). Make sure when you use these websites to only download the correct file. These websites will often open up extra tabs that lead to dangerous websites, so you should definitely use adblock. It is probably best to turn off automatic downloads when you use these websites, or you can get a virus from something which was downloaded without your knowledge. On google you can do this by going to settings>downloads>ask where to save each file before downloading [Toggle: on]. It seems complicated, but when you get used to it it's easy! You can use this website for videos too (great for long flights), just click mp4 instead of mp3.
Downloading video subtitles: I use downsub.com, but there are probably many other alternatives. You just paste the video link and download. Make sure the video download name is the same as the subtitle download name (that should be how it saves default though).
Transferring music to your phone (android): Transferring music is much easier on android devices. How I used to do this on android was just uploading files to google drive and saving them on my phone, or connect my phone to my computer using a cable and transfer files. I used VLC Media Player (completely safe) to listen to music and watch videos.
Transferring music to your phone (apple; itunes, apple music): This is a little more complicated. The way I do this is I use the itunes application on my computer and I use that to open the mp3 file. If you would like you can click the 3 dots (or ctrl + i with the song selected) to edit the song name, artist, album, etc. (you can even add in lyrics!) You then connect your phone using a cable which will make a phone icon appear at the top next to where it says music. Click the phone icon>music>sync. This will sync the mp3 files to your device on apple music. You can find them under downloads but they should also be with the rest of your songs. Doing this will automatically back up your phone, but you can turn that off in itunes settings.
Transferring music to your phone (apple; vlc): You also use itunes for this. You need to first download VLC Media Player to your phone, then connect it to your computer using a cable. Then click on the phone icon at the top, then file sharing, then click on VLC and add file. Add your song file and then it will be on your phone.
Transferring videos to your phone (android): You can do the same thing for this as music. Just transfer the mp4 and subtitle files and use VLC Media Player to open it. I don't have an android anymore so I'm not exactly sure how to do this, but there should be a button for adding a subtitle file to the video when it's open.
Transferring videos to your phone (apple): You should use VLC media player for this, you can probably use apple tv as well, but I'm not sure how to add subtitle files that way. You just need to connect your phone, and click the phone icon in itunes, go to file sharing, and add both the video and subtitle file. The video will automatically open using the subtitle file when you open it in vlc on your phone.
I hope this helped! It's sad that people are still listening to LOONA legally when it's so sad what happened to them :( if you have any questions I can probably answer them! Happy piracy🏴‍☠️🦜!
Note: If you would like to add album covers to your songs, I find the easiest way to find the high quality version I by searching up "[album name] spotify" and you can download the jpg file.

It's so petty and dramatic. I feel like a fucking baby.
Last year my birthday was...incredibly underwhelming. I didn't make my birthday a secret by any means. I talked about that it was this month, I mentioned the date, I asked friends if they wanted to do anything. Play some games, hang out in a discord call.
I didn't care about gifts and I've never been one to make a huge fuss about it. My birthdays have always been pretty low key, growing up it was mostly just a sleepover with 2 or 3 of my friends, cake and ice cream, a few gifts but never needed. I'm a person who appreciates the thought, the birthday wish, a meme or two. But I didn't get that. ..At all.
My family wished me a happy birthday and my mom gave me a few bucks to spend on myself (I used it to fill my gas tank lol). My partner wished my a happy birthday. We ordered some food as a treat so I wouldn't have to cook.
...And no one wished me a happy birthday. Maybe I didn't make a big enough fuss, or maybe I didn't make it clear. But no one joined me for some silly games, and by the time I realized that no one had answered or reached out, it was too late in the evening and it felt weird to message them about 'hey, do you want to play some games for my birthday?', or they were doing something else. So... I cried. I sobbed in bed about it while my partner held me when they finally got me to admit what was bugging me. And it felt so childish and stupid.
And it still hurt months later, and even my therapist encouraged me to reach out to my friends and say 'hey, this hurt'. I never did - by the time I felt brave enough it had been months and who holds onto it for months? Like what's going to happen? They're going to wish me a happy birthday months later when they're doing other things? That's not going to fix it.
And so in March I had already decided to simply...not celebrate. Not say anything. I've chosen the smaller hurt (don't tell them, they don't know) over the bigger hurt (they don't care anyway to remember). I don't know how else to protect myself now. And it's shitty, because I'm taking that choice away from people.
But it really hurts and the closer I get to my birthday the worse it gets. I keep crying the closer I get, but I already said at the beginning of the month, publicly, 'my birthday is this month but I'm not celebrating so don't worry about it' to avoid people realizing they've known me two of three years and I haven't celebrated a birthday. Or if they have noticed it's more just evidence for my fucked up little brain that they don't care.
And I wanted to avoid hurting others! So I asked people, all my friends, for their birthday so I could write it in my phone, with a week warning so I could do something for them. And...not a single one asked me about mine. I've got some 10 or so birthdays in my phone so I can try to do things for my friends and not a single one asked for mine to do the same.
And they're good friends and people, I promise, but this one thing still stings a year later. It hurts so bad and I'm so tired of crying.
[NAW] of anything, hopefully I did that right, and I don't know if I'll reply to any comments in general. ...But it just feels good to write down I guess.