My friend is leaving poem

Hey all, I'm new to this sub but I've been ex-muslim for a number of years. I feel I've outgrown my friends who are all religious and, quite frankly, intellectually stunted and incurious to say the least. I was wondering how you've all gone about meeting new friends? It feels daunting making new friendships as an adult, they don't come as easily as they did in childhood.
A bit of background on me. I first left Islam when I was in grade 9 because I couldn't reconcile the texts with basic human decency or philosophical questions about determinism/ethics etc. However, a few years ago my mother passed away and for a time I converted back to Islam out of despair and a desperate longing to feel a connection with her again. You see, despite my atheism, I have been fortunate enough to come from an educated and tolerant family. While my parents were saddened by my renunciation of Islam they never chastised me or made me feel bad, we all just carried on as usual.
However, fast forward a few years after that and I once again realized I couldn't reconcile my beliefs with Islam. The only reason I had reverted was because of my mother, she was a wise, kind and loving soul, and I felt that if Islam brought her peace I must be missing something. But again, I was forced to realize that I'm just incompatible with religious thinking.
In the process I also realized that I'm incompatible with my lifelong friends. I find my political and ethical beliefs increasingly at odds with theirs. I also, quite frankly, think they're too stupid to grasp the nuances of the arguments I make whenever we have a debate about these topics. These are friends I've known since childhood and our group is very insular, everyone is Muslim, most are of the same culture/ethnicity.
I just can't carry on with them anymore though. I feel like I'm hiding my true self from them and have to censor my speech and behavior in their presence. Sometimes I feel like just ditching them all at once, but then I'd be totally friendless. I'd like to make friends with some free-thinkers first before leaving my old childhood friends behind, but I find it's very difficult to do that now. The only place I really meet new people is at work and that's not an ideal environment IMO. I also have a hard time making small talk with strangers, I feel like conversation needs to flow naturally and I'm not great at forcing it.
I'm sure others here have gone through something similar, I was wondering if and how you managed to find new friend groups?

Will try to make this short with TLDR. At a bit of a crossroads.
TLDR: Is it financially stupid to go back to previous employer if they've approached me (albeit on a better wage than previous) for increased work life balance with new negotating power. Both employers very stable secure jobs.

• Current: 180K, WFH 2 days, 80 hou10 day fortnight - Benefit of exposure to newer Cloud systems etc... stronger wage growth potential in future (190K soon, then 200K next year or so). Negative: stressful, responsible for other peoples work, days in office are lonely/provide no benefit, taking some days off for mental health...
  versus...
  
• Option: 160K~ with previous employer, WFH unlimited (but happy to go in 1-2 days to see friends face to face), 60 hou8 day fortnight, 5 weeks leave, LSL resumes - straight back into solid leadership team of good friends, direct connection to senior leaders, technical work and can be creative. Use extra weekday for hobbies, life, side business. Negative: back to same systems and red tape, slow wage growth, 'going back to employer is a terrible move'
  

Detail...
Background: 15+ years with a longterm stable employer. Worked up into leadership role but hands on technical delivery. Strong network, good work friends. Finally left as wanted to see 'other' workplaces, got a bit bored and push income higher. Left on approx $120K in the last year. Previous employer colleagues/leaders have kept in touch checking in since I left.
Current: Landed job in company about one year in now, WFH 2 days, 180K salary (moving to 190K then 200K next couple of years). Work is stressful (across many projects, under resourced teams, putting out fires from mismanaged development etc), but I'm delivering really well - learned a lot, but mentally struggling, have had to take a couple of days off as I just couldn't log on. Have met with leadership as my line manager said I'll burn out with how much has been put on me (out of their control) - leadership convo had no concrete answers, just broad 'this is the direciton we are going' around high level roadmaps - but nothing about my actual day to day work. Fair bit of staff turnover in my role - many deactivated person accounts I've come across. Do I push through the pain for the hope of a different role (big organisation)?
Option: Previous employers CEO has been asking why certain technical work isn't being completed anymore, answer was it was me. Been approached to come back - I've had the power to negotiate, was an enjoyble conversation. Salary ~160K (hard cap unfortunately), four day work week, five weeks annual leave, WFH. LSL will resume. No staff. Pick my projects. Hands on technical which I enjoy. Superannuation comparable in both orgs but obviously less with the lower wage. Keen to use the four day work week to look at setting up my own side business (expanding on some ad-hoc freelancing I do for free with friends and family members). However the net loss in income.. and how that compounds over years as well as is it a terrible idea to 'go back' (even though they approached me). Do I get the life balance/sanity back and focus on family/hobbies/my own business? Wife is supportive as she's seen the toll on my mental health but I'm the finance guy in our family and the $'s always keep coming to mind.
Expenses: Probably at our peak spending years, aged approx 40. Teenagers/pre teens in private school (total $25k year). Mortgage ~470K (PPOR val ~900K). No other debts. Super 450k+90k. Wife working part time (50-60k year).

Hey guys so recently I’ve been home from the military on a little bit of a leave break and my best friend is home from college as well. Recently me (20m) and her (19f) have been hooking up a lot since I’ve been home the last two weeks. Throughout high school we have hooked up about 3 or 4 times and agreed to keep it casual because of both of pasts. With these past two weeks we have been hanging out a lot and always together. Since we have both been up these past two weeks everytime I go over her house I usually end up sleeping over due to not having my car available and her being lazy and not wanting to take me home. Anyways last night we were together and we were just laying in her bed watching Netflix and she turns to lay into me and she put her head on chest area and said “I’m gonna miss u when u go back to base. I’ve really enjoyed having you home and now I’m afraid of you leaving.”
Not gonna lie with her saying that it really caught me off guard because both of us having a difficult time expressing how we feel. That is exactly why nothing ever happened in high school between us. With being home I’ve had my boys ask “are u guys dating or what?? Well it sure seems it with the way you guys look at each other and ur also staying with her more often”
I’ve always thought she was the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on. I have developed feelings toward her with these past two weeks but I’m not sure how to express myself to her due to not knowing healthy communication from a poor childhood and she understands that. I don’t want to hurt her I don’t want her thinking I was using her while I was home in leave. Any advice would be super appreciated!!

So I am a bit of a nerd and I bought some older games off of eBay. Well they did not work so I took them to the retro store to see if they can fix them and when I got there the 2 employees one male and the other female started working with me. The male clearly took the lead in dealing with me. I told him that the games don’t work and he looked at them.
He asked “why these games in particular” (they are pretty niche and garbage compared to other games in the series) I explain that I like to get all the achievements in a series and the girl started laughing at that. I ask her why was she laughing in a playful way. She explains she does the same thing with her favorite series and we then proceeded to talk away while the guy was probably getting annoyed that she was distracting me. We talked our favorite series and even compared our Tatoo’s.
Well I left the store after turning the games in and 2 days later I get the call that they are ready for pickup and I go back to the store and the male employee is a different guy but the same girl is there. Once again the guy takes the lead but the girl goes out of her way to bud in the conversation.
Now because it was a pickup I was not in the store long. On the way out she goes out of her way to say “hope the game works” I respond “we shall see” and she playfully chuckled again at that.
After leaving I felt regretful that I did not try and continue that conversation and maybe Segway it to asking her on a dinner date.
She seemed more playful with me then you would treat the average customer, but I don’t know if it’s because she is just outgoing or if I’m just reading extremely too far into something.
More or less just want to see what other people think. My current thought right now is I’m reading way too far into it and she is just friendly.

I am on Amazon PIP and am in my 1st year F1-OPT. I have applied for STEM OPT but it is not approved yet. If I leave the company with severance this week, and if my STEM OPT is not approved until then, will USCIS reject my STEM OPT application?
I would like to discuss my options since getting 150 days for job search (stem opt) will be much better than 90 days.
I need to decide by Friday, pls help 🙏🏾
(Posting for a friend)

So, I've kind of posted about this in other threads, specifically on askreddit, but by some users request, I will do my best to fully relay this entire tale up to the current point, as well as provide as much context I am able (and will provide missing context if asked in comments).
Part 1: CONTEXT
Me and my wife have been together since early 2014, and married in late 2017. We have been through much together, including two extended deployments, one of which was 10 and a half months long. We have traveled the world together, lived on both coasts of the US, and despite much of our struggles and how things eventually went down, I was always convinced we would work as a team to overcome any issues.
The friend in question was, largely, an online friend. We met playing an MMO during covid and we quickly formed a very tight knit, but small, community that were very close that included me, my wife, my friend, his wife, and 4 other friends. Covid was a wild time and I was surprised how easy it was to form friends in this group and we kept in touch, as a whole, even once quarantine had ended and most of us had moved on from that particular game. This was a group that, while it started online, we have met most of these people several times IRL and had vacations to spend time together and just hang out.
Part 2: His Problems
Fast forward to about January of 2024. My buddy, from here on out I will refer to as Z (and for a quick add, I will refer to my wife as D), contacts us to tell us his condition is dire and he has been diagnosed with stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver as a consequence of his extensive drinking. Shaken, we quickly charter a flight out to visit. Within a week, we're staying with him and his wife and his roommate and a couple members of his family who are taking care of him. This man is bloated, yellow, and probably about 350lbs now. We are worried, but stay supportive and positive that help can be found, especially since he seems keen on changing his lifestyle for the better. Some of his family start a gofundme that we donate to, and many of the people in our gaming circle who have grown close also donate several thousand dollars (One member of our raid team donated 10k. You never know who is stealth rich on the internet I guess). Me and several other friends discuss the possibilities of helping him get on disability and even getting ourselves tested as compatible living donors. Sad, but hopeful, we depart about a week later, and stay in constant touch.
About a month later, I'm getting a call from one of our mutuals letting me know that "Hey, so I may have goofed up." and tells me how Z's wife had visited him and had a 3 way with him and his wife. I am obviously irate at this and turn to back Z up with comments like "So much for in sickness and in health, huh?" I do what I can to stay supportive, and my wife, D, also makes it a point to stay in touch with him as he has found himself banished to the couch of his apartment. Not even allowed to sleep in his own bed and frequently uncomfortable even being in his bedroom to use the PC.
I'm not particularly rich, but I am not poor either. I served in the military and have a high VA rating which means a constant income and have a steady job and a couple side gigs that pay well enough. My love language, in many ways, is gift giving. I pride myself on being able to pick a good gift, even if it's a little early for an occasion such as a bday or christmas, and will often pull the trigger on something if it means a lot or I think it will help. In this case, my brother was selling an old steam deck because he wanted a new OLED model, so I figured "two birds, one stone", and buy the steam deck off him and send it to Z so we can still game together.
In the intervening months, Z and D start playing games that I have no interest in (Disney Dreamlight Valley), but I am happy to play other games and hang out and chat. Really, nothing seems amiss, but since his banishment, me and my wife are both pushing for him to come and take up the spare bedroom we have in our home. Soon enough, I buy him a plane ticket and he arrives with little more than the clothes on his back and we take him in, no cost other than the expectation that he might help around the house a bit (he was a chef, so having a cook and someone to help clean was ideal for me who often did not have the time or energy to handle these tasks as thoroughly as I would like).
Part 3: The Incident
Now, I am skipping ahead a little bit here, but there's not much to be said about the time between. My wife worked part time hours, and when she did go to work, she'd have him tag along just so he wouldn't "Sit and stew with bad thoughts" at the house alone. I will admit that throughout this entire ordeal, I have had several, several times where my brain tried to warn me, but I ignored ALL of those signs because I trusted him, but more importantly, I trusted her with my life.
One new, frequent argument I found myself having with her was she would fall asleep on the couch, and when I finally tried to go to bed, I'd do my best to wake her and drag her upstairs. These became extremely frequent occurrences and I expressed to her how frustrated I was that I had to fight with her just to come to bed so we could sleep (mind you, this is not even about sex. Often I'm taking her to bed at like, 1am and I work at 7, so I really just wanted her to be sleeping in the bed). Hell, one time, I started catching the vibes that the longer I sat and waited for her to be ready to go upstairs, she just never would be, because they were waiting for me to leave so they could talk in hushed tones. On THAT particular night, I went upstairs alone with her finally awake, and she did not join me for another half hour.
Finally, the day arrives. Its Sunday. We are all downstairs hanging out. One of their newest habits I can't really stand but just dealt with is that she'd sit and crochet while he doomscrolled or strummed on a guitar I bought him and listen to music videos on youtube endlessly. Eventually, I grow weary and give my wife a kiss and tell her I'm gonna go upstairs and play some GW2 for a bit.
About an hour passes, and she enters the game room and tells me "I am uncomfortable. I really need to talk to you. Oh, you're dying!" (As she entered the room, I immediately turn face to talk to her and disregard the game, but she decided that my Charr was more important that what was about to happen, so she of course warns me.) We step into the bedroom and close the door.
"You're going to hate me," she says through tears, "me and Z kissed!" At this point, my brain short circuits and I recall one of my first thoughts being "Oh lord, here we go." and just a general desire to not be a part of this conversation. Shock sets in almost immediately. Still with a healthy dose of denial, I talk to her about what had happened and told her that it needed to end. Even at this point, I did not want to send this man home. Was it shock? Denial? Probably a mixture of the two, or some other additional emotional responses. She gets up after some discussion and goes downstairs, promising to shut him down, but comes back about 15 minutes later sobbing "I couldn't do it! I couldn't end it..." (Side note: In my confused haze of a mind, I feel personally threatened, and after she leaves the bedroom, I lock the door and grab a metal water cub I keep at my side and prepare to actually fight if it comes to it, but once she returns, I back off that idea again.)
Talking with her more, I present her with two options; Couple's therapy, or divorce. BOTH of these options are world ending to her, and she even goes so far as to suggest that just because I said the "D word" that it was what I wanted, which was objectively untrue. We talk back and forth about things I don't quite recall at this point, aside from one point where she comes back and locks herself in the master bath and tells me to call 911, she doesn't care, because she's going to take a bunch of pills, but after a couple of hours, Z shows up to the door and knocks and asks if he can come in. I tell him he may enter, and we talk for a bit. After about 5ish minutes, we decide to go downstairs to the living room and continue the discussion.
Once I sit down on the sofa, I immediately feel like I'm being positioned as the bad guy. I'm in the corner of our sectional, and she's on my left, he's on my right. She tells him "He said it's either a divorce or couple's therapy." "Oh, so he gave you an ultimatum?" I continue to argue that yes, those are the two only options. Z tells me "You're not being fair to her emotions. She is telling you there is another option." I am thoroughly baffled at this statement.
D: I didn't think it was possible and I didn't mean for it to happen, but I have fallen in love with another man. My heart has room for two. I truly have two soulmates. I have never been happier than sleeping on the couch next to my two boys.
Z: There is no reason you guys can't stay married, and we can explore what we've found. I mean, look at how happy she has been since I have been here!
Sick to my stomach, I get up to go vomit in the toilet. Now, I wore a silicone wedding ring, and often find even with a hand wash, a little water tends to get trapped under it. After I finish and wash myself up, I come back and am playing with my ring to dry it. She sees this as a sign that I am uncomfortable again wearing my ring, and takes off her ring as I sit back down and hands me her wedding ring.
Me: Uh, excuse me?
D: This is what you want, I can tell.
Me: No? I was washing my hands and water gets stuck under my ring...
D: Oh... I thought... okay. (And she takes back her ring from me)
I tell her, very clearly, the options are to either end things with him, or end things with me. At this point, I'm still in shock, but sober in mind enough to decide that this is not worth fighting over. I will not argue with my own wife my merits or why she shouldn't just pack up and leave with a jobless, now essentially homeless man, and if she cannot figure that out herself then I will eventually move on.
Crying, sobbing, she sits down in front of him and says, "I'm so sorry, I fought for you. I really did. I told you I'd fight for you and I failed. I loved being your girlfriend, but I need to be a good wife and stay."
Z says "Alright." and starts to go gather his things to leave. As he does, she grabs him and says "No, wait! Please don't go. I don't know what I want."
Z: Ok, well if we're getting all this out in the open, I want to say this. I love this girl. I love her with my whole heart, and without her, life is not worth living. I will not leave this house if you (me) tell me to. Only her. You are taking this very well right now, I can tell you want to hit me (Still in shock, no, I can genuinely say that emotion or thought had not actually registered outside of the event upstairs earlier), but this is my stand.
D: OP, we had a good run. I'm sorry.
And with that, I get up and go to get my sandals and leave the house to get some air. As I try to go, she runs to the door and he follows her. She pushes the door closed and says "No wait, please!"
Me: No, this is the deal. I'm going out to get some fresh air. I am not threatening self harm to "win you back".
D: Will you be back?
Me: I don't know.
Z: Man, I'm telling you, you don't understand, you think I am your enemy, but I am not.
And with that, I leave and shut the door.
In the about, hour, I am gone, I drive around near the house and I call my supervisor who I have a very good relationship with (and I did not want to involve direct friends or family yet because I'm afraid it's too early to start spreading this news). I go over to her house nearby and we chat shortly. After our talk, I have at least something of a clear head and go home, with words for both of them.
As I arrive home, there is no one downstairs. I go upstairs. His door is closed. I knock on the door.
Z: Uh, one second.
I wait for about 5 agonizing seconds, but I refuse to be shut out of rooms in my own home and open the door. He is shirtless, and she is hiding in the corner just out of sight of me. I look him in the eye.
Me: Really?
Z: Yep.
Me: Get out of my house.
And with that, they both silently pack their things and leave.
The second I hear the front door close, I start calling people. I am not above pettiness, and the first person I call is her mom, whom I have a good relationship with. She is SHAKEN and immediately calls her. (I find out later that it was a particularly harsh verbal beating by her, but it really doesn't change anything.)
When I come downstairs to check the state of the house, I see her wedding ring on the counter. I call out of work the next day and lay down and hope I die.
Part 4: Her Problems
So, there is some additional context that I did not add in part 1 because a lot of it is red flags I ignored over the course of our relationship that, in the days following, started to become more and more obvious. There are many that I spent much effort playing off or covering her for, but I will try to briefly list much of what I see as glaring issues in the relationship that were never remedied.
This woman is 30 years old and cannot drive. She can drive and HAS driven my vehicle at the start of the relationship (albeit illegally), but after one tiny little accident where she hit a pole and knocked my side mirror off (which she paid for and fixed before telling me, it really wasn't a big deal. I was on deployment), she never drove again. Attempts to get her behind the wheel would end very quickly after they started, and the conditions to get her in the seat were often extremely time limited, scheduled, or something would come up, and every time I told her "okay, this month we're getting your license for sure" it just wouldn't happen and I'd end up feeling like the one who was at fault.
She does not have her Bachelor's degree because she did not turn in her final project for one single class. Not only that, but she has never truly pursued a career with the things she learned from the coursework, or even used her AA.
For half of the relationship, she did not work at all. When she did, it was often part time work, and if she was saddled with full time hours or, god forbid, overtime, it was a world-ending affair. She would come home and constantly be tired from her few hours at work and would do little more than sit around and crochet.
Our agreement when we bought our house was that she was going to work full time and we were going to split household duties, but I would definitely scoop the cat box because she was allergic (but she wanted cats) and wash dishes (because she hated them), and she would do laundry (because I hated it). In practice, all her version of laundry turned out to be was to throw loads in when one of us was out of clothes and just hit wash and then rotate, and then leave all the clothes in a pile on the bed. EVERYONE KNOWS folding the laundry is the worst part! Come on! Men's clothes are easy! I don't wear that much! (When we would fold, I often finished in a third of her time and would just hang out and chat until she was done)
Ultimately, this meant that for many years now, she was working barely more than part time if she was working at all, and would sort-of do laundry. Meanwhile, I am scooping litter, folding laundry, doing dishes, doing all related yard work, doing all the household cleaning, handling all the finances, I did MOST of the cooking, and all of the grocery shopping (often going alone), driving her from work if I could (she'd uber it if not) and picking her up and driving her home, as well as just generally being a chauffeur for her for 10 years, while working a full time job and a side gig online. Many nights I'd have to stop what I was doing to pick her up at closing hours, and then would sit in the parking lot for 30 minutes while she did tasks like vacuum her little crystal shop that she definitely could have done before close so I didn't end up waiting so damn long. Then we'd come home hang out and eat while we watched TV, and then if I wanted to try and go upstairs to do another hobby, I'd be silently guilted about it because she wanted to sit on the couch and crochet.
Part 5: My Problems
I am not perfect, and admit I have flaws. One of her favorite things to claim to our friends now is that I was "emotionally neglectful", and if there is truth to it, I think I can pin down the day. Before I started working full time again, I was going to school on the 9/11 GI bill. I was not a good student in my younger years, but in time, I have become rather good at school. My first two semesters back I easily maintained a 4.0 GPA. Over the summer in 2022, I, woefully, decided to take a Calc 2 class online because I could not find one in person and wanted to be ready for Calc 3 in the Fall to fill a prereq for my bachelor's, and I really liked the instructor for that Calc 3 class. This calc 2 class was painful. The instructor had clearly recorded all his lectures during Covid and we were simply given the full course of videos and given work assignments and said "Email me if you have questions." This is not how I learn, but I figured, hey, it's one class. I'm working again, but one class isn't a huge deal. I can knock this out.
I was wrong.
After the second exam, I had a low C in the class and I knew I couldn't keep up. I withdrew from the class feeling no other option. I tend to be pretty good at math, and ultimately my dream was to work with 3d printing on an industrial scale with a Mechanical Engineering degree- and if that failed I had my military history (which is engineering relevant) and a degree to fall back on and work should come easily. After clicking that withdraw button, I saw those dreams vaporize. After that, I threw myself into my government civilian job full time and slowly fell into depression. By the end of our relationship, with the toll of doing 99% of the work around the house and for her and with my dreams dead and buried, at age 33, I would wake up and pray I died. I would never kill myself, but I wanted to just die. I felt backed into a corner. I still did everything I could to support her and hoped that one day, she would pick up some of the load and maybe, just maybe, I could go back, but that day did not come (At least not in the way I expected).
Part 6: The Aftermath
This post is already too long, and if I include every single detail that has come to light since, I might actually hit the post cap, but I will go over at least some of it here.
I have had my friends come out in droves. Both of them have been effectively exiled, at least from what I can see, from every friend circle we have. After a couple of days, they flew back to live with, I guess, his parents in Vegas while they sorted shit out, because after I spoke with Z's previous roommate, he adamantly explained he was tired of all the "fucking drama" that Z had been bringing into the house and was just done with it.
I have spoken with many, many people and gotten even more context and even receipts of some of each of their conversations to our mutual friends, and some of the shit I read is just hilarious. He is "not ashamed of pursuing happiness, he is just sad that people got hurt". She is "coming to terms with emotional neglect and felt trapped, but now, yes now, she is free."
I got my neighbors to watch the cats, and took my dog up to visit my closest friend of 20 years and spent about a week and a half drinking, smoking, and talking about all this while surrounded by some of the most beautiful nature the US has to offer. Truly, without this man, I don't think I'd have gotten this far as quickly as I have. He really has been a lifesaver and I truly, to my dying day, will always appreciate him.
Paperwork has been filed, we wish to remain on good terms, and one day I still do hope I can be a friend to her, but she is woefully immature and incapable of adequately performing in an adult society. I have quit my job and am returning to school with a much lighter budget and will be getting that degree I desperately need.
It's been hard, real hard. I have put every ounce of my being into this relationship, and I truly felt like she was part of me, and nothing like this could ever happen. But it's that trust that allowed this to happen. I do not hate her, I'm just disappointed. I will pick up my pieces and, hopefully, find myself whole again soon.
Part 7: Rambling anecdotes
These are some stories I wanted to include in the previous body of text but didn't feel like it kept the same flow (if there even is any at all, I'm not proofreading this). If I remember any others after I post, Ill just toss them in the comments.
Early after Z came to live with us, my mother came to the house to drop off a package. I am pretty sure I was at work, but when my mother came to the door, both of them answered the door and the way my mom describes it "First of all, do you answer the door at your friends house? Also, the way he hovered over her made me uncomfortable. They were in the doorway and he was right up behind her poking his head out." She said my wife had told her that I was feeling unwell and was upstairs sleeping. I can't even be sure at this point.
Shortly before all the things happened, my parents were going out of town to celebrate their own anniversary, and I had agreed to dog-sit their 5 month old puppy (who, while cute, has WAY too much energy and was EXTREMELY difficult to handle, and I have raised several dogs at this point). We met up and took the dog, and then ALL of us (including Z) went to dinner. At dinner, my mother looked at my wife and asked, directly "And so how long have you been married? 6, almost 7 years? Well at least you missed that 7 year itch, huh" and my wife shortly followed with a comment about how she was not hungry and did not eat dinner that night.
All of this happened WHILE THIS CRAZY PUPPY was running around the house, and part of me thinks he pushed this to happen when it did because he could not stand having to help take care of this dog any longer (2 days).
About a week after all this happened, my wife did not text or call me, or respond to any messages or emails I sent her (I didn't send many, but they exist). Frustrated, I text her and tell her I need to talk to her about logistics moving forward, specifically about her belongings. She told me "I will talk to you when I am ready." We did not talk for another week. Also, she told me to stop talking to her mom. (I have a good relationship with both of my in-laws and while her step-father tried to remain impartial to the best of his abilities, he gave me some of the best advice I could possibly have gotten at that time, mostly about how to move forward and cope, as he has personally dealt with this with smaller relationships 3 separate times in his life which he gave me details on, and we are still on good terms.)
Their favorite TV show to watch together was Outlander, which, if you aren't aware, is basically a story about a woman who time travels and has two men in her life.
One of our biggest constant points of contention was my friendship with an old high school buddy (who I spent much of the time in the aftermath hanging out with while healing). We believe, with good reason, that she hated this man because after I had almost been hospitalized for psych reasons due to stress, he had told me I needed to talk to her about working again and doing more to help around the house. She figured out, obviously, who was telling me to say these things, and sent a very, very angry text to his wife. They all apparently made up, but I know she never let that grudge go.
One of the fairly recent hobbies I got into was D&D. It seemed like a good fit for all of us. She loved fantasy and gaming, I enjoyed 3d printing and story telling. She needed friends, and a party of people hangin out would give her at least a few connections to start. Every night she "participated" in D&D, she mostly sat quiet and did not do anything. Hell, I tried to get her to participate in 2 different games, and after she left the first one, she asked to just sit quietly in the discord call (This first one was online only, second was in person) and listen, which was super awkward. In the in person game, after 3 months of playing, she did not know how to play her character at all, and mostly spent her time at the table crocheting. (My buddy even made a comment about how at one point, he was proud of how good I was getting at DMing and I was giving particularly good exposition, and she interrupted me to hand another player at the table a dice bag she made. I don't remember it, but I absolutely believe this happened.)
The day of "the incident", she had a meltdown about how a friend of hers had ghosted her. I told her it was okay, she was much younger anyway and people grow apart. She's probably going through stuff and we should respect that path she's on. She cried about how she has no friends.
Also the day of "the incident", we were in the shower together and she told me she had met her sister's new BF on facetime. I asked "why did she break up with her old one?" "Well... she cheated on him." "Oh, that's a shame. Cheating is probably the most cowardly act a person can do to another. If you're going to start a new relationship, you need to grow a pair and end it before starting a new one." She clearly took my words to heart.
One of my biggest pet peeves about cleaning the house is our dog sheds, a lot. If I see a hairball roll through the house it immediately drains me a bit. We had a roomba. She would send that thing home when it started and never start it again. It barely ran. She would not vacuum.
One of the most common descriptors of her I've heard used by many people now that they're "allowed to" is "She was there, doing the thing with us, but it was like she wasn't there."
Something she thought that I apparently hadn't figured out by the time we talked after everything happened was that they had been talking since February. I told her I wasn't stupid and had figured it out already that this wasn't out of the blue.
Z's wife is currently pregnant with the baby of the man she cheated on him with. (And he is also married)
Anything else I remember Ill leave for comments, I know there is much, much more.
TL;DR
A friend of mine of 4 years drank himself into liver failure and his wife cheated on him, so I offered him a free room to try and put his life back together, and I was repaid for the thought with a divorce of my own, but honestly, it's probably not that bad.

Throwaway for privacy. Crossposted to the Canadian FI sub.
Early 30s, M/HCOL location. Single and expect to stay that way indefinitely. Do not want kids.
Goal: Open an art studio and work at least part time making art indefinitely. I've made art and sold it since I was a kid, otherwise I'd drown in my own stuff. I get more requests than I can fill currently, and I've consistently grossed 6-10k the last few years on the side with minimal/moderate effort from freelance contracts, product sales, and teaching, all while also working full time, moving multiple times, job changes, gaining and losing studio space, volunteering, staying active, etc. I'm starting to burn out doing it all at the same time for years now however, and it's affecting my mental and consequently physical health.
Current employment: My current work structure/colleagues/management leave a lot to be desired and the work can be both very boring, political, chaotic and stressful at times, with high staff turnover, but I've worked in worse places overall. The pay is about 30% over what I could get at any other employer locally on top of great vacation and benefits which kind of makes up for it? The industry in general sucks and is not helping the burnout situation.
Why now (or in the next year or so) vs. full FIRE or at least a fatter coast while the money is flowing? The main person who runs an arts program/business in my community is retiring soon and has expressed wanting an apprentice for some of his contracts. He doesn't make a lot, but he's been doing it for 30 years, raised 3 kids while divorced on it, and goes to Mexico for a month every year. It seems like a fantastic opportunity to inherit a developed client base, possibly buy cheap materials/equipment, and general support to launch into the next phase.
My original, "5 year plan," was to shovel any money free after filling registered accounts into the mortgage so the value at renewal in 3 years is very low and then either fully pay it off or extend the amortization period depending on rates/life at that point. The idea being to reduce cash flow requirements to as minimal as possible before leaving my current employment vs. possibly having to pull down on investments for a year or two to bridge the gap, but functionally I'm not sure it makes a huge difference if you looked at market return vs. debt payoff over time, plus hopefully still adding to the stash here and there in the future.
My current employment as is is not tenable for 3 more years, but there are lots of other possible options such as finding another job that doesn't suck nearly as much energy and lets me break even on expenses for those 3 years. There is a small chance I could move to part time in my current role, but it depends on things mostly out of my control. I've planted the seed with another friend/possible employer about mutually beneficial contract work with them, to float a few years between now and 100% art, but that's also in the end up to them.
Question: If you were me, how comfortable would you feel leaving the golden handcuffs in roughly a year to work your ass off on something you've always wanted, but are also scared it will be a terrible choice to go into a "non-essential" field while the environment and consequently society starts to collapse around us? That last point makes me feel like YOLO and max conservatism are both very valid in different ways.
Financials:
~100k job income + 5% DB Pension matching
135k - Mortgage debt at 5.3%
Mortgage payments of ~23k/yr,
Comfortable living expenses without mortgage and including tax burden = 35k/yr = FT minimum wage = 875k FIRE number. In a worst case I could cut a vacation and get a roommate.
40k- Pension contributions incl. match
60k- HYSA/GIC
340k- RRSP, TFSA, Margin in ETFs
=440K NW, nic home equity
I know to not bank on this, but there is a high likelihood of a significant inheritance in roughly 25 years in the million + bracket. I should be fully FI before this point, however I also fully believe we will be dealing with global watefood wars and climate migration crisis before then.

26M here. I started drinking when I was 19 and have rarely had a sober night. I feel a lot of regret and sadness for how I've treated my body. I've spent most of my adult life drinking every night. I wasn't drinking a 5th a day or anything but I would regularly down 6 to 10 beers a night sometimes more on the weekends. Never had more than a month sober in my 20s. It's crazy to think about.
Anyways, as with most people, the juice became not worth the sqeeze. It all started one hungover morning after breakfast with some insane heart palpitations and tachycardia. I rushed to the emergency room and everything seemed normal. Well, my blood pressure was 160/100 but you know. I had all types of tests done and my heart is perfectly healthy. Holter monitor, ultrasound, you name it. Everything was fine. Yet I was still overtaken with cardiophobia and anxiety. After a while of going back and forth and finally convincing myself I wasn't dying when my heart was racing after a night of drinking, I realized that alcohol had to go.
After spending most of my 20s drinking every night I knew this wasn't gonna be easy but I'd finally had enough! After completing a successful taper plan of 9, 6, 3, 1, I had my last beer 6 days ago. Here's a short timeline of how it went for me.
Day 1. Slept just OK. Fuzzy feeling in head, kinda annoying. Resting heart rate is a little elevated (90) but pretty ok. Slightly achy and kinda anxious.
Day 2. AWFUL nights sleep. Tossed and turned the entire night. Basically didn't sleep except for a couple hours in the early morning. I feel ok so far other than exhausted and sore. Later that night had fuzzy feeling in head again.
Day 3. Feeling the best I've felt so far. Rough night of sleep, heart rate is still slightly elevated but so much better than when I was drinking. Sparkling water has been by best friend. I went to a family gathering and everyone was drinking so that's was a little tough but I managed.
Day 4. Another tough night sleeping but the day has been great so far. Mild anxiety.
Day 5. Thus was the most stressful day of all. Not becuase of any withdrawal symptoms but becuase it was an extremely stressful day. My two year old son had a stroke and we took him to the hospital, he can't move his body very well and he can't eat. (he's had a lot of medical issues in the past) The sleep was pretty bad but probably becuase I'm sleeping on a shitty hospital pullout couch.
Day. 6 Still in the hospital but I have no symptoms other than a slight craving but I know that if I give in it will make things so much worse.
Day 7. Has been mostly normal. It takes me a while to fall asleep but once I am i feel actually refreshed in the morning.
So here I am. My heart rate is still elevated but I think it'll come down over the next few weeks and maybe I can leave this whole nightmare behind me and focus on what really matters. Blood pressure is still elevated too but it's down to about 130/85 so that's not awful. This is not medical advice. This is just my experience.
I'm done letting this poison run my life. Fuck that.

Hello, I just want somewhere to share this with. My gf and I broke up days ago. This is the first time I’m starting to lose interest in everything, I always tried to escape in games but this time I get tired of it too so I want to let this out.
She tried ghosting me, I was lucky I followed my instinct to kinda hack my way in to her messenger and found out about it (read a chat with one of her friends) even if it meant I invaded her privacy. Also found out that she was talking to her guy friend she met at the same dating app that she met me in. (I was not able to see the messages and no sign of it because of the new encryption of messenger).
I thought we were still okay this past month, although I noticed some changes that she doesn’t want me to hug her anymore for long when sleeping or cuddling, saying that it is hot. She is getting cold in the chat, I always tried to be lively in the chat but it was not as it was how it supposed to be. I ignored this knowing she is busy with her work.
Days before our break up, she met with the guy she was talking to after work. She did ask for permission from me and that it was all just about catching up with one another. I agreed even if I did not really want to because we had an app that is called life360 and I can check up on her wherever she is going. This did not go well for me, as I was monitoring the app from time to time, I thought it was cancelled as her location never moved from her house. Later that day I asked her about it and she told me it was not cancelled and that she left her phone at home and only brought her sister’s phone. I was kinda mad and it resulted to me ignoring her.
I did not know that this was the start of her ghosting me, she also ignored me and let it pass, I messaged her asking for something like to start a conversation again and make it up again. But she still ignored me. And this was when I did it, going through her messenger. I also I tried checking on some of her social media platform, I found out she has a threads account which I did not know that she had one. I saw there her 2 posts that caught my attention. It says “You are one of a kind”, and the other “In another life, maybe we met each other earlier then I would love you” posted this month, one that is days ago and one that is weeks ago. Definitely not for me.
I don’t know how long they have been chatting as I only saw a few in her email and this is not accurate idk how or why meta sends this email and not all messages she receives in messenger are emailed to notify, only a few. There was 5 emails in different dates this month that notifies she received a message in her messenger from this guy.
I’m not perfect, we had our ups and downs, I had red flags and she did too. The reason I read why she was leaving me was because she said I was not respecting her anymore, rude words whenever we had argument and the silent treatment that she wanted me to change and she said that I did not change, she gave me a chance and she is done and she is spent. Yes, that is true I am guilty of it, I am trying to change, but it is still not enough or she saw too little of it, definitely my fault. But now with everything that I found out there is also a question in my mind.
The question now in my mind is if that is the real reason or did she really cheated…. Now my emotions are being mixed with anger whenever I think about it.

Just recently got a new job. I had been looking for over a year, and it's the first opportunity presented to me. I'm now only 2 days in and all I can think is I wish I never saw the email and was still jobless..
Trying to finish my AA so I can raise my GPA and pursue a bachelor's and even masters possibly close to full time. However I am low on money because I had not worked since 2022.
I was very overweight and had extreme mental issues. I fixed a lot of the physical stuff, and mental stuff has got slightly better do to bettering my life style and some medical diagnosis, but still not great.
I needed money though. What little I had is all but gone, and my mom has been letting me live at home for free. I spent what little I had on classes, and even then it was not enough for my last spring semester and the current summer one. My mom also assisted with those too.
I feel like such a a freeloader because I was not providing any money to myself, nor her and she was letting me live here for free and eat her groceries. It disgusted me, but I was in such a rough position working a job was impossible for me.
Now I got this new job. Working in IT for a college specializing in Dental medicine, and I am only 2 days in and hate it. Now a huge reason is because of 2 things outside of the job, and both sort of affecting each other.
1.) my exercise routine. I was biking 100 miles a week and working out 4 days a week on a very religious schedule, and seeing great results. My body fat percent was going down wonderfully, and I felt amazing health wise. Now I cannot do that unless I want to sleep less than 8 hours a night, which is already hard for me to get, especially because of my extreme anxiety and depressive issues. 2.) school. I am still 21 credit hours away from finishing my AA. I am currently taking pre calc, math being a subject I am very not good at, and I have almost no time to do it. I come home from work, and immediately heat up food and sit down to try and get in a lecture and finish homework, and I barely get it done. I have no time to workout or ride my bike or any exercise after work because it takes me all of my time to heat up dinner, prepare lunch for the next day, clean what needs cleaned, shower and do all the pre calc that needs done.
I am terrified the mental progress I have made is going out the door, as well as the physical fitness, and I'm scared I will fail precalculus lowering my GPA and forcing me to retake it. (Also wasting 500 bucks).
On top of all of that, the job has been nuts. I am 2 days in, and already my entire department seems to hate life. The IT director constantly jokes about firing people and us, all the people underneath him talk shit about each other, there is 0 onboarding process for a new hire, and I'm already doing so many projects I have had to skip lunch, and then get asked by 5 different hr people why I skipped lunch. They tell me to stay and do work and then ask me why I'm still here. I am also being told that as an hourly employee only supposed to work Monday through Friday, that June 2nd I have to work all day Sunday for the students graduation even though I have an exam due that night. So not only am I just out of the blue being forced to work a 6th day that week, but I have to come home and immediately take a pre calc test I will most likely be barley prepared for.
My mom tells me " if you think you need tutoring you should do it" like when the hell am I supposed to have time for that ?? I don't even have time to do anything else.
This is the first week on the job, I will be lucky if I finish all of my homework before Friday when it's do, and even then, I have an exam this Sunday already and will probably have to spend the entire day Saturday and Sunday preparing for it, and skip any chance and physical exercise, or spend time exercising and risk having to stay up all night and being under prepared.
My anxiety is through the fucking roof. I used to have panic attacks constantly, and luckily I have not reached that point, but I feel like my blood pressure is so high that my veins are about to Burst.
I mean I'm 2 fucking days in... How am I supposed to do this for the rest of precalculus. I mean honestly if I make it through this class and pass it I don't think any other class will lose a threat, but it's just insane...
Idk how people do this. I don't get why our society makes it impossible for people to find a job and work hard and have that job make time for school. I have to deal with corporate ass holes who want me to work to the bone just so I can afford to fail my classes... Like what the fuck.
I felt horrible being in the situation I was in not providing any money to myself or my mom... But fuck I want to literally blow my brains out now. Maybe it will get more relaxed, but I can't see that happening whatsoever until I get deeper into precalculus and see if i will even pass it ..
I have 0 people to count on too. No one is supportive whatsoever. No one to hug, or get reassurance from. My mom just says this is how it is and doesn't care. I can't talk to a therapist because anytime I say anything more than I'm sad they want to lock me in a psych ward because no one gives a rats ass about mental health in Florida, or America. I have no friends in real life within 500 miles of me. It's just me.
Idk what to do. Idk what to believe in. Idk how to calm myself, or cope. I can't do any of the things that we're making my life better.
The one thing I have still going strong is diet. I also wake up with enough time before work to at least go on a quick jog before I get ready and leave, but it isn't enough.
I feel like If I can't find some sort of relief or balance I'm going to be right back to crying and panic attacks In the bathroom in a matter of weeks.
I honestly hate life. I wish I could go back to younger me and tell him to sweat blood trying to get into a university with full scholarships so I could pursue The education I dream of full time and find a job I truly enjoy. That is still my long term goal, but I feel like I'm killing myself to get there.
I know so many people do stuff like this and make it though, but so all of those people have decades of issues with major anxiety and depression? Have they all thought about suicide since they were 13 ?
Maybe they have, but for fucks sakes if they have can they at least hug me or just reassure me everything will be okay ???
Because life is very difficult right now.
Also I typed this on my phone, so if some words seem out of place, I probably missed a letter here or there and phone auto corrected.

For context, I and my GF have been dating since January. However, I confessed my feelings to her in December. My GF recently told me that she only liked me back because she was scared that I was going to KMS if she said no (I was not). In addition, she explicitly told me that she couldn't guarantee commitment to me, as she was afraid she'd find someone better (her words) (she also did decide to commit to me!). The 3 months that we've been dating have been relatively fruitful, with both of us confessing deep feelings for each other. However, I find it difficult to trust her declarations of love as they tend to be highly extravagant and out of character for her. In addition, I feel as though there has been a continuous lack of effort from her front. For instance, we went on our first meal out 3 months into the relationship, despite me asking her every week to go. She often gave the excuse that she was too tired to leave the house, despite going out with her friends daily. Also, she seems to generally not care about my interests. For example, I love films, but she hates them. I spent ages trying to find a film I was sure that she'd like, however would not watch it with me when I asked. It seems as though she doesn't care enough to sacrifice her time. I read her favourite book to get to know her better, however, she said she would never read my favourite book. Something which also annoyed me was that I recently did some shopping for her as she had the flu - I bought her a week's groceries. When asked I told her that I did it because I knew she'd do the same for me. She straight-up responded that she wouldn't, which made me kinda upset. I do communicate my issues with her, however, she just becomes more intimate for like a couple of days then returns and excessively says 'I love you!'. When I asked her, she said she was a firm believer in the indication of love being about declarative trust, rather than actions. I don't know what to do! I am aware the above paragraph highlights all my issues with her in the relationship, but I genuinely do love her. She makes me smile every day and Is the only person in the world I can tell everything to. We also have a lot of fun together with a lot of chemistry. I just feel drained all the time. I'm aware that love is not transactional, but I do wish she'd change. I just want to feel love, not just told that I am. What should I do to enable her to do this effectively, as I don't want her change to again be artificial? Sorry for waffling so much, I'd appreciate any advice!

• She has been showing me more love recently, however, I constantly feel embarrassed that I put up with her behaviour at the start.

I am on Amazon PIP and am in my 1st year OPT. I have applied for STEM OPT but it is not approved yet. If I leave the company with severance this week, and if my STEM OPT is not approved until then, will USCIS reject my STEM OPT application?
I would like to discuss my options since getting 150 days for job search (stem opt) will be much better than 90 days.
I need to decide by Friday, pls help 🙏🏾
(Posting for a friend)

Hey friends,
Working from home has been a game-changer, but let's be honest, it hasn't been easy on the waistline. I found myself snacking more and moving less, and the pounds started to creep on. Sound familiar? 😅
I decided to make some changes and found 5 easy tips that really helped me lose weight and feel healthier without leaving my home office. From setting up a dedicated workspace to integrating simple exercises into my day, these small changes made a big difference.
This is just a blog post I want to share and not advertising of any kind. If you're in the same boat and looking for practical advice, I'd love to share what worked for me. Check out my blog post here: http://21020217.hs-sites.com/en-ca/wellness/5-easy-tips-to-lose-weight-working-from-home
We can all support each other in this journey to stay fit and healthy while working from home. You've got this! 💪
https://preview.redd.it/sqmc7hehjh0d1.jpg?width=312&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2041f9a3a8ee25f82a166076adac0ecd550a277d

TL;DR: One of my newer friends is constantly overstepping boundaries (sometimes to a painful, physical point), and none of my friends care. She makes me really uncomfortable though, and I don't know what to do.
This new girl came to my school a few months ago, and at first we clicked instantly. We matched each other's energy perfectly. However, after a few minor disagreements I started to feel differently about her. She was starting to piss me off a lot because she has this smartass attitude that shouts I'm always right and your stupid for thinking you could be. Idk. Anyways, once we were playing UNO together with a few not as close friends and she playfully hit my thigh a lot harder than I expected. As I nervously laughed, she continued. Over and over again she painfully slapped my thighs. I told her repeatedly to stop and that I wasn't joking but because of my panic awkward laughter I think she thought I was still joking. I even tried to pull her hands away but she broke free and then said she wanted to leave a handprint. She did, and then she gleamed down proudly at the mark on my body she left. The bell ringed shortly after that and I kind of just stormed out. She called me a pussy when I said I didn't like what she did. She's just the type of person who doesn't think about boundaries and I hate it. It makes me so uncomfortable and none of my other friends really seem to notice or care if they do. She's tried opening or taking my stuff since then. She hit my friend A's thigh really hard this morning and they both laughed about it, but it was bruising and I know that A definitely felt a lot more uncomfortable than he let on. She's even tried pulling up A's shorts a little to show his fresh cuts. This girl makes me feel so uncomfortable and stupid anytime we talk. This has been causing me to feel really alone and numb throughout the day recently. I'm scared I'll SH again despite being clean for months. The problem is that my friends will probably hate me for hating her. Idk what to do. Any advice? Thank you sm in advance.

This is a long one and the details are important to the situation so there won’t be a TLDR. Let’s get into it:
I’m (32M) a real estate agent and a few months ago I went into an open house and met a lovely agent (31F) from another company. (Because of the nature of how real estate works, agents know other local people within the field possibly more so than in any other business. Two accountants at two different car companies probably will never cross paths, but two real estate agents at two separate firms almost certainly will, so this is an ever se slight “shitting where you eat” situation. Anyway.) We chit chat a bit and part ways. This happens a few more times until the third time I make a joke off a particular situation that was happening and she started dying of laughter (this was about 2 months ago). I friend requested her on instagram later that day and messaged her a continuation of the joke. We haven’t messaged much but we have liked a few of each other’s posts here and there and we’ve seen each other a few more times for work between then and now, having some banter each time.
Recently (about a week ago) I was at an open house she was sitting and when I walked in we greeted each other and she went for a hug. Not one of those polite one arm hugs you give to an acquaintance or that aunt you don’t like, a full double arm wrap around hug. We chit chat and she does it again as I’m leaving. I see her again yesterday and she does the same thing. We’re chatting a bit and I think of a movie I wanted to recommend to her but couldn’t think of the name but said I would text it to her. A few hours later I go to text her and realize I don’t have her number. I message her on Instagram instead and say “this is the movie I was talking about earlier. I was gonna text you but apparently I don’t have your number.” She responsds “Ahhh, I’m gonna have to watch it!” And then “lol it’s (number) in case you ever need”. I respond “I’ll have to think of a reason… maybe some more movie recs” as a cheeky light flirt. I text her a quick message saying “hey, here’s my number”. The next morning she thumbs up reacts to the text and then 10 minutes later she “likes” the Instagram message from the night before with the standard heart reaction when you like something on instagram.
What I am confused about now is if my light flirting was received well. In my head the like reactions feel cold but I might just be reading way too into it. What are some ways I can further test the waters?
I want to tread carefully with this, as no matter the outcome, we will have to see each other for work. Any advice and insight is greatly appreciated but please keep things positive.

I am on Amazon PIP and am in my 1st year OPT. I have applied for STEM OPT but it is not approved yet. If I leave the company with severance this week, and if my STEM OPT is not approved until then, will USCIS reject my STEM OPT application?
I would like to discuss my options since getting 150 days for job search (stem opt) will be much better than 90 days.
I need to decide by Friday, pls help 🙏🏾
(Posting on behalf of a friend)

I just want to get this out.
I'm going on my third year at this job. This girl joined about 1,5 years ago, she has 3 kids with a guy there who's been working there for 13 years. One of the people who has been working there the longest. Bosses respect him. And to be quite frank, even though I rarely see him, I always had a good relationship with him. Shake hands. I find him to be alright. But I don't know much..
From what I gathered, she's only with him because they have 3 kids. I don't see any sort of love between them. From what I have gathered he has cheated on her, or at the very least, has tried to see other girls, which teared her self esteem up and became a very frustrated person.
When I first started talking to her I would tell her that her boyfriend's the guy who should be promoted because he would do a greater job than most. Always complimented him. She'd agree. Until, fast forward, she wasn't so nice about him anymore.
Me and the girl started talking too much. I guess I became her go to, and made her feel very good. I always kept distance when it came to showing love interest, I always kept a step back. But my toxic, idiot side kinda wanted her to like me like that. Why? Idk. Self esteem. I actually had fun talking to her tbh. We had an actual lot in common. We hung out somewhere special once and it was a dinner with other friends. I saw it as just fun.
She lived near me and we started going home from work in the same car. Fast forward, maybe a month later, she decided she wanted to talk to me privately, and as I guessed, she went ahead and kissed me. After that, It became more sexual and she started going down on me. My behavior is so immature, I would be lying if I said I wouldn't have kept that up.
We kept talking and talking, but the reality is i couldn't find myself to have genuine love for her. I don't like her like that. Although I do care for her. Feel good when she's around, but it's the same feelings you have when you care for a real friend.
She would do everything for me. Gave me expensive shoes (110€) because she heard me speak about adidas shoes at that same dinner. She brought me other sht. Bruh she brought a rabbit and named it after a nickname she gave me.
I don't love her. I accepted that this was enough, so I decided to tell her straight. She didn't believe me. So she kept finding ways to get back to me. Like skipping work, or work in a different position or schedule so I wouldn't see her, just different ways to get my attention. I would fall for that everytime. Because the sobbing and tears didn't help. She even came to my house unannounced and wouldn't leave until I came out and talked to her. She said something about not feeling good. I felt afraid she'd do something stupid to herself or pass out from some illness she has. So I came out. Spoke to her, and gave out, we became good again, telling her I only saw her as a friend, but if she wants benefits too, sure. Again, me messing it up with selfishness again because I always knew she was hopeful for more.
Recently, i decided to once again see if I can separate myself from her. I told her I wanted distance and I got that. She gave me that, while always hoping I'd track back. When she's around bruh just knowing she's looking at me it makes me laugh. And she takes it as "he's playing hard to get but he's nervous and wants me", lol, no i just can't contain myself.
But I've managed to be avoiding that.
She wants my attention back everytime she sees me, but I haven't aknowledged.
Before the very last time I spoke to her, she told my friend that she was taking meds and hasn't slept because of me. After that, that same day while going home, she drove by me and got out, i told her to her face that I only saw her as a coworker and to keep distance.
In response, she stepped away from me at work. Unfollowed me on all social medias. And hopefully it stays this way.
After some time she told my friend that she was going to leave work. He told me this and the first thing I said was: "nah bro. She said this because she knows you'd tell me, and so I would reach out to her". And guess what, I was right. She went on her work vacation without telling anyone, and was furious I didn't reach out to her. I haven't fell for these sort of manipulations anymore. I have not texted. To this day, after a couple months, we haven't spoken.
Her boyfriend knew about all this I'm sure, but let it go. And is cool to me still. I'm not sure how love works in their house, but if there was no relationship, she wouldn't hide. So, she cheated with me, clearly.
My friend said that in every break up, one person always gets seriously more hurt. And I should accept this. And move forward. He also knows that she's very problematic and has been in situations where she's wrong but makes a scene to her bosses to make it seem she's in the right. Therefore that I need to be careful she doesn't start drama with me as revenge.
It is crazy that I have put myself in this situation. But my only solution is to keep this up, right? Simply not aknowledge her existence. I don't see any other way.
Tl:dr - Met this girl at work who is in a long relationship. She fell and obsessed over me. Now I can't get rid of her.

This is a long one and the details are important to the situation so there won’t be a TLDR. Let’s get into it:
I’m (32M) a real estate agent and a few months ago I went into an open house and met a lovely agent (31F) from another company. (Because of the nature of how real estate works, agents know other local people within the field possibly more so than in any other business. Two accountants at two different car companies probably will never cross paths, but two real estate agents at two separate firms almost certainly will, so this is an ever se slight “shitting where you eat” situation. Anyway.) We chit chat a bit and part ways. This happens a few more times until the third time I make a joke off a particular situation that was happening and she started dying of laughter (this was about 2 months ago). I friend requested her on instagram later that day and messaged her a continuation of the joke. We haven’t messaged much but we have liked a few of each other’s posts here and there and we’ve seen each other a few more times for work between then and now, having some banter each time.
Recently (about a week ago) I was at an open house she was sitting and when I walked in we greeted each other and she went for a hug. Not one of those polite one arm hugs you give to an acquaintance or that aunt you don’t like, a full double arm wrap around hug. We chit chat and she does it again as I’m leaving. I see her again yesterday and she does the same thing. We’re chatting a bit and I think of a movie I wanted to recommend to her but couldn’t think of the name but said I would text it to her. A few hours later I go to text her and realize I don’t have her number. I message her on Instagram instead and say “this is the movie I was talking about earlier. I was gonna text you but apparently I don’t have your number.” She responsds “Ahhh, I’m gonna have to watch it!” And then “lol it’s (number) in case you ever need”. I respond “I’ll have to think of a reason… maybe some more movie recs” as a cheeky light flirt. I text her a quick message saying “hey, here’s my number”. The next morning she thumbs up reacts to the text and then 10 minutes later she “likes” the Instagram message from the night before with the standard heart reaction when you like something on instagram.
What I am confused about now is if my light flirting was received well. In my head the like reactions feel cold but I might just be reading way too into it.
I want to tread carefully with this, as no matter the outcome, we will have to see each other for work. Any advice and insight is greatly appreciated but please keep things positive.

Throwaway because my abuser stalks my Reddit account.
I grew up in a very dysfunctional, low income, no parents around for the first 10ish years of my life, raised by my siblings or by the streets, environment. No dad, no guidance from my mom for the first 10 years, a lot of trauma mixed in.
Fast forward to high school. I’m like any other teen by trying to fit in, being social, etc, and also like a teen with cptsd, by trying to get validation to know I’m worthy human, people pleasing and being used for my homework/smarts because I just want to be accepted, sexual promiscuity, etc.
Unfortunately when I was 15, I met my abusegroomecurrent husband. He was my “Spanish” teacher in high school. (Subject changed for privacy). When I turned 16 we began our “relationship”. He was 26. I finally had a stable male role model who told me I’m interesting, smart, worthy, beautiful, etc.
Like come on, it was perfect bait for a troubled soul such as myself.
Of course, I did anything and everything he’s wanted. I didn’t want to lose my mentolovestability. I never had a good role model for relationships, so he pretty much taught me what is normal for a relationship. Spoiler: it wasn’t normal.
Long story short, I’ve grown up and to my horror, I’ve realized that I’ve been groomed and manipulated, and I’ve realized WHY. I had no idea I had issues. Everyone told me how smart mature and intelligent I was. Why would I ever doubt my own judgement?
Now I’ve been beaten down to the lowest point I’ve ever been, and it feels like surviving another day is a battle I’m slowly losing. My mental state has always been on the verge of a breakdown, but I’m at 99% critical now. I’m a stay at home mom to two toddlers and my husband ends me nasty emails all day, making me spiral and want to cry and scream into a pillow for 3 days straight but I can’t because I have to be positive and not scary for my kids and the guilt of lashing out in front of them is even greater than my regular mental turmoil.
I don’t feel strong enough to conquer the huge task of finding a job after 4 years of unemployment ( I quit my career to follow my husband across the country away from all my friends and family, so that I could be a stay at home mom).
I need to work on my resume.
I need to accept that I won’t be able to be there for my kids while they’re growing and developing (side note: is anyone extremely sentimental about their kids milestones and experiences in life? I was a kid who literally no one checked for or cared about or cared to see my milestones or anything. I wonder if I am over correcting that from my childhood).
I need to accept that after 14 years with my abuser, I can actually start life over and be an adult the way I want to be, not the way my authoritative, controlling husband wants me to be.
But mostly it’s the fact that I won’t spend every waking hour with my babies anymore 😭😭😭 like my heart races and my stomach churns when I even think about it.
I’ve been putting off getting a job because I’m so afraid to face the mental stressors that come with finding a job (working on my resume, figuring out how to explain my gap in employment, figuring out it if I want to work remotely so that I can be with my kids as much as possible), and not being with my babies.
I’ve typed too much. I’m just at my wits end and I don’t know what else to do. I know what I NEED to do, but the fear and anxiety and complete loss of control over my situation has paralyzed me. My husband recently stopped paying my student loans and credit cards and tanked my credit to 540. This is because I’ve been “abandoning my responsibilities” by taking time to go upstairs to work on finding a job, while leaving him with our two toddlers who have already been fed and are occupied with tv/toys, which I made sure of. He doesn’t want to cook, clean, or take care of the kids, and is punishing me for telling him I expect him to help.
Maybe someone has been in a similar situation and has gotten out? How did you do it on top of the struggles of cptsd? Like it almost feels impossible to get through this?

Well, I don’t like dating apps and I also rarely go out so I guess that leaves me here to hopefully meet someone special lol
I have a pretty broad range of interests but music would be my biggest one. I love to play guitar (very well) and also sing (not as well) - I do dabble in a few other instruments like piano, alto sax and mandolin. Tell me your favourite song and maybe I will cover it for you if things go well!
I’m also big into watching movies and reading. Sci-fi, fantasy, action, dystopian-types are my favourite genres for both. I’m currently reading Throne of Glass series and I love it so far. I’m definitely down to watch movies or a tv series together if we are into the same things or if you have a suggestion, I’m pretty much fine with anything.
Gaming is another hobby but I’m not super hardcore about it - I’m playing Helldivers, and Final Fantasy VII Rebirth on PS5 a bit and on Switch I’ve been playing Fall Guys and It Takes Two with friends a lot lately.. I am also a HUGE fan of Zelda and still trying to beat TOTK.
I love Zelda so much because of the puzzles and so I’ve also been doing jigsaw puzzles a lot in my spare time.. I’m currently working on Mauradors Map from Harry Potter and I feel like I’ll never finish. Before this I did a map of Hyrule so I guess you can say I also really like maps.
Aside from that I don’t really do much else - I work in a dermatology clinic and I have a bachelors degree in business. I’m not interested in drinking or “going out” anymore (I’m not sure if I was ever into that or if I just did it to fit in?) and so that keeps me pretty lonely.. I’d much rather just be at home and it’s also caused a disconnect between my friends and I.
Anyway, hopefully we have so things in common and you decide to reach out and we vibe! I do have a daughter (6) who keeps me pretty busy but I’d love to find someone who is willing to invest time, hang out and get to know each other regardless.. I’ve honestly just been going through a tough time and I’m hoping to meet someone who can help keep my mind off of it and maybe it’ll develop into something more but no hard feelings if it doesn’t.
Thanks!

Link to my previous post regarding this whole situation… https://www.reddit.com/nocontact/s/v2J7j3tCKA
Also apologies for the crazy long post.
A quick recap, I’ve been in this relationship for over a year and they moved to live with me for the past 10 months. They decided to move back to where they’re from very abruptly without communicating or having conversations about it with me, but still wanted to be long distance. I was not happy about that in any way, but was supportive and agreed to working on long distance.
A couple days after leaving, they got mad at me for calling and not knowing if they were hurt or not. There was no response for a couple days till they finally sent me a text that I’m “not being normal” by calling trying to reach them. Immediately after, blocked me and went no contact with me. That left me confused and hurt. Just in general wondering what even happened and why they were behaving this way towards me.
A week after blocking me, they finally sent me a message saying they love and miss me, and wanted to hangout over the phone. I took a day before even responding to respond calmly, but agreed. We messaged back and forth a few times the night I responded, and they were excited to hear from me. I figured just call and talk a bit, so we did. They were over the top excited to see me and talking about a bunch of random things. I was weirded out at this point since nothing has been done to even address the whole block and ghost situation. They then admitted that they could have communicated with me better and avoided a situation like that and apologized for making me worry. But then immediately got angry at me for not apologizing right off the bat for “acting psycho and calling so many times”. I said I was not trying to hurt them in any way, but I was worried for their safety after they had just told me at the beginning of leaving that this neighborhood is super sketchy. Much more than they even remember, and I didn’t know if they were hurt or even alive. I did not ask for an apology from them, and didn’t understand being demanded an apology. I did say I was sorry and wasn’t trying to invade any of their space.
But they wanted to just jump right back into our relationship and continue long distance. They said they love and miss me. They wish I was there right now and just wanted to hold me ect. They said they wanted to take time the next day to plan a trip for me to come visit there the next night during the little movie date night. Went very quickly into the NSFW details about our sex life and how much they want me. At this point it’s about 6:30-8am in the morning and I fell asleep somewhere in there.
The next day when they had said they wanted to watch a specific movie together over video chat, I had messaged them earlier in the evening asking if that was still the plan. They said they were busy with work calls but we’ll definitely still watch it that night. It was hours later around 1:30-1:45am my time when they finally called, and I was falling asleep at that point but woke up for it. We set everything for the movie, but then for the first 45ish minutes of it I was sitting there staring at the living room because they went over to the kitchen to cook food.
At the end of the movie, I briefly asked if they still wanted to plan a trip. They immediately got angry at me saying we already planned a trip the night before. I do not remember this in any way, and apparently we planned a trip together while I was falling asleep early in the morning (I have a history of having full blown conversations with people even while I’m asleep. You can ask me questions and I will completely answer everything, but not remember anything because I’ll be dead asleep). I told them I still had details to sort out with them in that case because I don’t remember these plans and still have more to talk about. They sarcastically asked what I even have to talk about. I made a goofy joke trying to lighten the mood and giggle a bit. They just said “ok cool I’m going to bed. Bye.” and hung up on me. I messaged them and said I’m sorry I don’t remember making any plans, I just remembered you saying let’s make plans the next day (meaning that night).
I left it alone the next day till they messaged me in the evening. I was on the phone with my sister when they messaged, so after I finished talking to her, I called them. We were on the phone for almost an hour, 15 minutes of that was spent actually with me, 20-30 minutes I was on hold while they were on the phone with their best friends mom. The rest was spent just watching sports. I was confused and just wanted to spend quality time together. They said they were tired after a few minutes and are going to hang up, finish the game, take a shower, then watch a show and go to bed. We previously used to do stuff like that on video chat when we were long distance previously, and I didn’t understand wanting to abruptly leave. I asked if they can at least message me the next day.
The next day, I didn’t hear anything till later afternoon/evening. I told them what I was doing that day and asked what they were up to. I hear back later at almost 3am and they were mentioning a song. I messaged back at 5am when I saw the message, then got a couple texts at 6am about dinner they made.
Later that day then mentioned an episode of this show we used to watch together that came out. I didn’t see it initially, but tried to call when I saw it. They called me back an hour later and I was busy for a few minutes. Call them back and we’re on the phone for a while.
I asked about actually discussing issues and setting boundaries they we both might need. I attempted to explain my perspective on things and open up discussion. I mentioned how we’ve talked on the phone a little over the past week but haven’t talked the past couple days besides a few text messages here and there. I was just asking for a little more and communication. They got mad at me immediately saying I’m being psycho and we’ve talked so much the past few days what am I even talking about. I disagreed and mentioned that I would just like to spend more quality time together. They increasingly just got more heated at me and angry then abruptly hung up on me. At that point I start crying my eyes out and don’t even understand any of this behavior.
I messaged that I’m trying. I’m trying to actually have a serious discussion with them I called back and when they answer I’m trying not to make it obvious but I’m sobbing. They said I’m just trying to manipulate them and I’m being crazy/psycho and that I can’t act like a normal person at all. I have no idea what to even think at this point. He hangs up and texts me I don’t want to talk since it won’t be productive. I messaged back and told him I was trying. I wasn’t trying to have any crazy arguments. I did want to talk but in a constructive way as adults. If anything I was just trying to spend time together.
I tried calling the next day 2 different times (only calling once in the morning the once in the evening). But I haven’t heard anything and the way my calls instantly went to voicemail, I’m assuming he blocked me again. It’s been a couple days and I haven’t reached out since, but I don’t even understand this behavior or how to respond to it.