I've been experimenting with incognito/private browsing to see what happens if a user with no watch history watches my videos. I want to try to lead the algorithm to promote my latest video to this pretend user to see what it takes. If you can explain these results you're a genius or a youTube employee:
Very briefly:
1) I find one of my videos via search
2) Click it, watch it through the whole way, check the 'suggested' video list
3) Observe multiple videos of mine popping up but not this one - click another of mine, watch it through
4) Observe more videos of mine - mostly recent or popular - still no sign of the latest one..
5) Latest is in a series called "Bully Takedown.." so only click other vids in that series as they appear on the suggested list YT pops up with at least 4 or 5 of the other ones). Watch them all the way through... still nothing.
The latest video has CTR of 50% and AVD of 85%... top source of its views are the Channel Pages. But YT will not promote it to anyone new via the suggested videos panel...
As above - I've clicked on as a random viewer, I've watched video after video of mine in the suggested panel (where this new video should be showing up); I've watched video after video of mine from the same SERIES (it shares a playlist with the other "Bully Takedown" vids...... and still the latest one with the crazy stats will not appear in the suggested panel, no matter how much I watch my own similar stuff YT will not pull that one into there. So this is getting zero new audience, it will never see the light of day because YT will not even test it.
Anyone got an answer to that riddle? Try it for yourself if you like, channel link in the bio. You can get every other video from the Bully Takedown series to appear on the suggested panel but the one that had CTR 50% and AVD 85% is the one YT refuses to pull into there.
What's going on?

About a year ago, I [29 M] was in a toxic relationship with J [29 M]. While there were no serious stakes in it (no kids or messy finances), the relationship and breakup ended up emotionally affecting me in a way I had never really thought possible. I feel guilty because after the relationship I tried to be friends with my ex still, which I now see as a mistake in the context of this relationship, and then after a few months, he blocked me because I didn't respect a boundary he had set about not sending him long messages. He said he didn't feel safe since I "completely ignored" the boundary.
I was devastated, but over the course of the next few months, came to understand a great deal of ways that I feel that I had been abused during the relationship. I felt angrier and angrier, and even though I was seeing a therapist, it eventually boiled over. My ex had blocked me on discord and probably on text, but I went onto an astrology app called Co-Star that he had had me download, and sent a message using it that said something like, "You were an abusive partner, but you can make it right with an apology."
Now, I have no idea if he actually saw the message. It was sent with a weird feature of the app called Chaos Mode that apparently chooses to send the message at some future time, so who knows if it actually ever sent. I don't know if he still has the app, if he unfriended me, or whatnot. But I feel guilty because I enacted exactly the caricature of me that he had created--I hadn't respected his boundaries, and I sent the message anyways.
At the same time, I am still feeling very victimized by the relationship. To give you a sense of the kinds of things that were going on in the relationship, here's a few examples that I currently find a little horrific [Note: this kind of turned into a summary of the relationship after I wrote it]. I'm aware that to heal I should probably not be ruminating about these things, especially if they lead me to boil over and message him, but here you go.
The first time I had sex with him, he slammed the door on me for not being able to finish and said "finish yourself." When I came to bed, I told him I felt shame. He said "good." The next time we had sex, he set a timer for me and said I had to finish within 5 minutes. These were the first times I ever had sex. He was manipulative in bed, telling me he didn't want to perform certain acts because I didn't give him enough praise for them, so that I started exaggerating my pleasure; he blamed me for why certain positions weren't working and was frustrated with how my body worked. On top of this, he admitted at the end of the relationship to having had sex with me around five times after he decided to break up with me (before he did), which just makes me feel a bit icky.
He would put me down in pretty transparently cruel ways. One example was when I exerted myself, he said I sounded like a muppet and that he "didn't want to be dating a muppet." When I offered him a blanket but apologized that it might not have been washed in a while, he called me a baby. He would insult my ability to give complements, asking me to tell him what color his eyes are but then rejecting everything that I gave him, telling me I was bad at complements repeatedly (and saying that it wasn't fair of him because his other exes were artists, so no wonder I was bad). Now, there were times that he was complementary to me--he told me I was hot, good at singing, good at writing, smart--but also times where he would put me down for things I was less good at, like cooking.
He constantly made me feel insecure about my gender. (For context, we are both men, but he was raised as a woman). So he would make pretty sweeping feminist critiques over fairly mundane things, like if I complained when I was sick he would go off about how men are always babies when they are sick and women don't get attention. When I confronted him about some of the things he was saying, telling him that while I wanted him to express these kinds of social problems so that I could be aware and adapt, I was feeling insecure in the relationship--he flipped it around and told me that if I didn't feel loved, he could say "I love you" less, and that I hadn't been grateful enough for when he came to visit me. (I had written him poetry, deep cleaned my apartment, taken time off work, sent my roommate off for the week, bought him a bus pass, planned his visit, met him in the airport despite not having a car, and just an insane amount of work to be turned into, "you weren't grateful enough").
Other than namecalling, he was just plain controlling. The reason that the boundary around me not sending long messages exists is that when I felt insecure--which I think makes sense given the ways he would talk to me--I would often send him a few paragraphs apologizing and explaining how I was growing. Even though long messages were the first thing he said he loved about me, and that he said our communication was like magic, he eventually set up what he called an "Essay embargo" and told me not to write them. The first time he set the "embargo", he had said it was only until we met in person because he didn't want me to write anything that would make him nervous. After we met in person, I assumed the embargo had lifted. Yet shortly after, he set it again, giving a few explanations--the main one just being that he wanted to appreciate our relationship without overthinking it. It seemed playful. He definitely did also say that long messages made him uncomfortable because he felt obligated to send a response. So, when I did send messages, I would add that he didn't have to respond (which I realize is not fully respecting the boundary). I did ask after sending messages whether they were ok and he never responded to those questions.
Despite this, there were times during the relationship that I continued to send long, often apologetic messages. I had felt like this boundary was set playfully and I also was feeling overwhelming guilt that I, for whatever reason, needed his affirmation for. I am conflicted because on the one hand, I was definitely ignoring his boundary--but on the other, I feel like the boundary was not very thoughtful of my own needs, either.
Prior to the breakup, it was hell. He was getting angry at me for everything--for pretty mundane things like using the bathroom before him and stinking it up. He told me he had to show me how to do everything, but I realize now that a lot of this was just him being particular (e.g, he told me I don't know how to drink tea because I left the bag in, when I just like it strong). Unfortunately, I had flown 5,000 miles to visit him and was sort of trapped in his proximity, and was drunk on love still since I was trying very hard, it was my first relationship, and he had sold me on notions of fairytale romance and told me we were cosmically meant to be together and other lovebomby sort of things. We flew to a convention and I met some of his friends, and at one point he introduced me to a girl he had almost dated before, saying I was a friend and not a partner. I pointed this out to him later and he just said "does that make you angry?". He flirted with a woman at a party, telling her she was pretty while demanding that i bring him snacks (I feel so, so weak for not confronting him about this). He got drunk and I stayed with him as he passed out, but he was angry at me in the morning. When one of his friends told me they thought I was nice, because i was opening doors for everyone, my ex said "Is he really?" Questioning them.
The breakup itself was cold and calculated. He started it by telling me that he thought about not giving me any reasons for the breakup because I always overanalyze things. He told me he wouldn't have broken up with me if I was a woman. He told me I didn't take care of him and he needs a partner that takes care of him, and that his partners always feel taken care of. He threw some things I had said at the beginning of the relationship back at me--misquoting and misunderstanding them.
After the relationship, I had no idea what to think. It was my first relationship. It had started with fairytale romance. I had been passing his tests, I had been an exception to his long string of abusive relationships. He presented himself as this incredibly moral person (vegan, environmentally conscious, telling me of all of the ways others had abused him that he would never do, even his closest friends). I had completely internalized criticisms that he had had of me throughout the relationship, many of which had led to serious self reflection and my writing messages about my growth. Within a week I told him I still loved him and that I always would. He reminded me of his boundary around long messages and said they made him anxious. I was desperate. We took a few weeks of no-contact. We messaged short-messages back and forth, with a few life-updates to eachother each. He told me he was rescuing a kitten that he found, and I remembered how he could be kind.
But as I processed, more and more, I felt angry. I wrote unsent angry letters in the notes app on my phone for a month. I wrote myself a 20,000 word summary of the relationship. This was not a healthy way to process. It elevated me. (Some of you will probably comment that maybe I shouldn't have written this post for the same reason, but oh well--I wanted to process and I want to hear if others have similar stories). Meanwhile, my ex kept pushing back the date for when we would verbally connect again. Eventually, I boiled over. I did not insult him. But I wrote a long message explaining that I wanted to take 3 months of no-contact. I had entered another relationship and told him that even though I was feeling angry at him, he shouldn't be worried because even though I had baggage from the relationship, I was communicating well with my new partner. I also told him that I felt like if I did talk with him, that I would end up tearing him a new one, and that I needed time to cool down. I'm not proud of the message in general, but I didn't call names, tell him he was awful, or anything like that. I was just insensitive and told him I was angry.
And like that, I was blocked. It was over. A period of about 9 months, five of which we were together, with two before escalating towards love bombing and two after escalating towards my boiling over.
And yet, I had never expressed to him that I thought he had been abusive. I felt frustrated that I had told him that I would always love him, when in many ways now I hated him.
Five months passed, during which I came to realize more and more how messed up the relationship was.
And then I sent the message on Co-star.
Fast forward another four months to now.
I just sent him a text, knowing he probably has blocked me there too. It said something like, "I want my last message to you just be: I'm sorry, and I forgive you." I wanted to free myself. I needed to not feel angry at him or ashamed of myself. I needed to not feel like I had a million things to say to him--I needed to just say, this is it: I'm not sending more messages. I'm sorry, and I forgive you. It was for myself. I was forgiving him selfishly, even though he didn't deserve it, so that I could move on.
I feel like I shouldn't have sent this, but I don't feel bad about it yet, either. I needed closure. It always felt like there was some "message I could send" to detail his abuse, and I needed to not have that standing over me--I needed to forgive. I am now oscillating between wondering about myself--whether I have a problem with boundaries, since I had boiled over at this point three times to message him. Feeling frustrated I didn't assert myself about his abuse, that I doubled down on loving him. Part of me is glad that I sent the message on Co-Star saying that he was abusive, because it was the only indication I ever gave him, really, that what he did wasn't ok to me--he had blocked me before I could articulate anything. But I also know that this message even if received would not mean anything to him.
Anyways, now I'm venting about it here on Reddit. Does anyone have similar experiences surrounding self control messaging exes and feeling a bit out of control?

i 19f have been working at a business for over a year now. (fake names ofc)
a little back story: it was just my manager 22m (Luke) and i for a while before a girl 18f (Jane) started working with us. during that time i announced that i can only do morning shifts as i take care of children during the afternoons and i can possibly take nights during the weekend. Jane starts demanding morning shifts and im left to fend for myself. i spoke to Luke about my concerns and he said i really didn’t have a place since i started working there just recently (keep in mind this was 4/5 months in at the job) and that she’s been at the location longer than i have.
i end up fixing the child care situation and can do night shifts. Jane no longer works with us and we had a guy 21f (Dave) working for a few months before he left also due to robberies and was scared for his safety. no judgment there but Dave left short notice and didn’t put in a two week notice so that left Luke and i to work overtime. i have been messed up my sleeping and eating schedules. during that time it was spring break so i didn’t need to care for young children because the older kids were home. that week i worked 45 hrs plus my other side jobs, i haven’t had a good break since then until recently we got a new worker (Bob).
Bob’s much older than both Luke and i but he is very immature. he doesn’t answer his phone when we call him for work or when we do schedules and we have to wait until he gets time to call us back. i had to work one day and was waiting for Bob for over an hour, Luke calls him multiple times and he finds out his phone was on dnd and he was sleeping. this would have been okay but Luke tells me that he’s been requested more work time because he has a new child to care for. he demands more work time and hours but doesn’t even text in the work gc or lets us know if something came up and he cant work his shift.
He’s in his late 20s early 30s im assuming and he doesn’t have an ounce of respect for our work environment. supposedly he works at another job which i give him credit for because he’s fucking up this job right now.
currently the situation we have at hand is that we had a planned 2 week schedule with all of us. Luke, Bob and i were present so there was no miscommunication. which helped us a lot to know who’s coming in for shifts. keep in mind im 19f, have 3 side jobs, babysit siblings, and a college student so my schedule is already tight as is.
for the schedule Luke asks me yesterday if Bob messaged me about switching shifts. i look at him confused because i haven’t received any messages for him regarding a swap so i asked Luke what’s he talking about. he shows me that Bob asked Luke instead of messaging in the gc and asked Luke to ask me if its cool to switch shift with him because a family member is in town and leaves the day he’s scheduled.
mind you, if you need to have a day off you need to ask 2 weeks or a week in advanced for everyone to find someone to fill in. the only time you can get the day off at such short notice is if you or a family member gets the flu or covid or any contagious illness. then i would have understood where he’s coming from but right now i dont understand how someone can be so irresponsible. Bob’s family member has been in town for a few days im assuming and not once mentioned needing time to bring them home.
on the other hand Luke is getting pissed off that he’s the middle guy and texts in the gc letting us know that we need to communicate here but Bob still didn’t get the hint and hasn’t texted or called me. Luke goes on to say that if i would take Bob’s shift but i told him i couldn’t do night shift because of my other job.
Luke then texts this morning asking if i can take his morning shift while he does the night shift to accommodate Bob. which i responded i can see because im currently babysitting during the mornings until 2pm and will continue this conversation when i see him as im busy. but i honestly want to tell Luke how i feel and how its not just affecting me but Luke’s sleeping schedule as well.
am i the asshole for not wanting to switch shifts with Bob?

My wife and I have been together since 2017. At the time, I had a 2 year old child from a prior relationship. We got married in 2022.
I come from a single mother house where my father was an alcoholic who committed suicide when I was 1. My mom was a hard shift worker who wasn’t home a lot but showed me an abundance of affection and gave me excessive gifts. She is overbearing and doesn’t ever view her actions as wrong.
She comes from a single father house where her mother was killed in a mass shooting when she was 3. Her father worked excessively and was a harsh disciplinarian (or worse) to her brother. Her father is absent and a hoarder with questionable hygiene.
At the beginning of our relationship, I tried to break up with her several times and I told her we weren’t right for each other. She told me she didn’t want to be a mother or have children. I struggled with alcohol and would often say hurtful things towards her when I was intoxicated. She refused to let me go and we would patch up our problems. During 2020-2021, she started to resent me for not asking her to marry her. It would be brought up every couple of months to the point of being a big problem. She has made it clear to me that she does not like asking me for things and would rather me proactively initiate. This caused a paradox of being able to plan a time to ask her to marry me without it seeming like she forced it to happen. I decided I had to seriously get my crap together and be “all in” on the relationship or not with her. I chose to be all in. She sold her house and bought a house closer to my daughter. The day we moved in, I asked her to marry me. Over the course of 2021-2022 and parts of 2023, I still suffered from alcoholic outbursts and would say mean things when we would argue. Shes kicked me out of the house at least 3 times and I’ve left the house at least 3 times. Each time we patch things up over the course of days/weeks/months. I decided to go to counseling and started reading 7 principles of marriage, attachment theory etc. I started listening to podcasts and trying to be better. She is persistent in saying she doesn’t want to go talk to someone but was receptive to being prescribed a pill for depression. She did do virtual sessions with a counselor for a month before there was a miscommunication with her counselor and she felt they didn’t really care about her and/or they weren’t really getting anywhere. She has somewhat isolated herself from friends and family. She talks to her out of state aunt fairly often and in state brother occasionally. She doesn’t hang out with any of her friends or try to make new ones. She says she doesn’t need that and I am that for her. I have a strong core of 5 friends that I talk to fairly often.
I’ve discovered my love language is affection and hers is quality time. We have had multiple conversations about it and have even implemented the state of the union conversations. It’s been helpful but we are guilty for letting it slip away from our schedule. She admits that she struggles with showing affection and I admitted to wanting to be “carefree” and avoid hard or meaningful conversations. I find that she wants me to initiate those conversations and stays somewhat closed off until I pry. When she is quiet (often), I spend a large portion of my time with anxiety wondering if she is mad at me, or wanting me to talk or wanting quiet time.
This week, my buddy had a birthday and she asked if it was wives too. I inquired and told her yes. I asked if she wanted to go and she said no. I asked her twice more and reiterated that wives were going and she said no again. Later in the day, I asked her twice more. The day of the party came and she said she was surprised I didn’t follow up with her. I asked if she wanted to go again and she said no. It turned into an argument and I went without her. I came home and she was upset and said I shouldn’t have left her and I should know to follow up with her and I should know that she would want to go and I shouldn’t have taken no for an answer. It got more heated and she told me she was taking care of my kid while I was playing softball (which she offered to take her to the meeting so I could go) and having fun. She said she takes care of all of us and I don’t take care of her heart. She told Me I should go marry my friends and my whiskey bottle. She says we don’t have meaningful conversations that are fulfilling and we no longer have any spark in our intimacy. She yelled for me to get out of her face during the course of our fight, which I did and then told me I don’t know when to console her when she is crying and just needs a hug. She went to bed in the other room and I did too. I woke up the next morning with a note saying I needed to get my necessities and leave. A few hours later, I sent her a text wishing her a happy Mother’s Day even though I wasn’t sure where we stood. She sarcastically told me that saying it through a text means so much more… I came home and she told me that I blew it by not calling her to wish her a happy Mother’s Day and not taking her to the friends birthday party was so much more damaging than I realize and would be the cause of our demise. She’s told me that all of the people in her life have hurt her and I have hurt her the worst and now she wants to be alone. Our last big fight, she brought our divorce papers and I told her if she ever mentioned divorce again, I would do it because the threat of divorce during an argument gives me extreme anxiety and makes it feel like we can never have a bad argument without it turning to divorce. I went to my counselor and she recommended marriage counseling (again) but said to offer it as a way to find out if we are right for each other or wrong or just the next step. My wife said no thanks. Is there just too much damage?
TL;DR. I drank a lot and said hurtful things. Paired together with her own experiences, I fear I may have caused too much damage to repair.

For context, I’m a 25yo female, that comes from a mixed background (my mother 56F is a white woman from Italy, my father is from the Balkans and migrated to my country when he was younger). This is relevant and you will understand later.
I moved away from home as soon as I could when I was 18 after a not so good childhood, and currently live in another European country. My parents are divorced, my father is not really in the picture, I keep in touch with my mother on a daily basis and come visit her and the rest of the family once or twice a year. We never had the best relationship but since I moved out it improved a lot. I’d say we get along better when I’m far away from home.
Anyway, back to the reason of this post. I’ve been seeing this guy for more than a year, he’s great, we’re slowly getting to know each other and see where this is going. We are not in a rush but of course this is a relationship and I felt it was time to tell something more to my mother. I’ve always been quite open about my relationships and people I was dating, however since getting older I started being more private as I don’t think it would be good to mention every failed date to my mother (lol). We come from a typical small town where people are bigots and close-minded. The news on the tv are constantly complaining about “immigrants coming to our country” and jadajadajada. The government is right wing. So yeah, being racist is almost the norm, unfortunately.
I didn’t really mentioned much about this guy, first of all cause I’m trying to keep it private but also because I could imagine her reaction, since she’s the standard average middle age woman that you find on Facebook without much culture. She is ignorant not as an insult but in the real sense of the word: she ignores, she doesn’t inform herself and just believes whatever the media tells her.
The day after I arrived we were casually talking before bed and she just kept asking “C’mon, don’t you have a pic of this guy? Show me! C’mon c’mon! I’m your mother!” so, one side of me didn’t wanna show her, the other one was excited cause at the end of the day I’m proud of my relationship and I was happy to tell her more (maybe naively hoping for a good outcome…). So without thinking much I showed her one of the best pictures of him. Literally in the millisecond while I was showing her the picture she said something like: “hope it’s not a n****” (WHATTT???).
At that point the phone was already on her face. It was done. She said it, and at the same time she saw the picture. She was speechless and I was too. I was ashamed of her. And sad.
She didn’t say anything more for the following 10 minutes, she went to her room and I went to mine. Afterwards she just asked “does he even work?!” And I told her “don’t worry about it, he’s better off than the both of us” just to make her shut up about that question that I found so disrespectful. This made me just so sad, and disappointed.
But the worst had yet to come. We didn’t speak much about it at all until today.
We were having a casual conversation during the afternoon when the relationship topic came out. In particular, we were talking about how your partner should improve your life and not making it worse, meaning he should make you happy, he should bring good positive vibes, get along etc. that’s what I was thinking and referring to. But she started being very materialistic, she asked me “so, in which way is he improving your life?!” in a very aggressive sassy tone “I don’t see anything changing“ she said. I was mentioning that he makes me happy when the conversation degenerated. All sort of things came out of it.
She started by saying:
“well, I truly hopes this will be just a friend and you will keep it like that”
then she continued with:
“please take birth control precautions before you regret it”
“don’t come to me later saying I didn’t stop you”
and the cherry on top was:
“I would have preferred if you told me you were a lesbian cause at least that is cool nowadays”.
I was speechless and I still am.
I asked her what is it that she doesn’t like and what is she basing her opinions on, since she literally knows nothing about him. She couldn’t answer. She kept repeating the same things over and over and she also said she would never want to meet him.
I have to mention that the few guys she met that I was dating were of different cultures, but she never had a problem with them, I guess because the skin color was the same… and in her mind there are probably foreigners of Class A, B, C…
I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I neither expected such a bad reaction.
All this hurts me so much.
I don’t know what to do.
In my mind it neither makes sense cause she married an immigrant but it seems like she never really came to terms with it, she never really accepted it. For instance, I know nothing about my father’s culture, I never learned the language or interesting facts about it because nobody ever thought me anything about it. I only learned about my mother’s culture, the one of the country I lived in. And I always felt out of place because this country is extremely racist. The fact that my father was not a good husband or father has nothing to do with where he comes from. If a person is an idiot, is an idiot no matter what. And I told her this when we were talking. The fact that she had a bad experience doesn’t mean that I will, just because I’m seeing someone from a different culture. I also explained to her that I am myself an immigrant, since I’m living in another country. But it doesn’t seem to click in her head. And when I told her, to her face, that she is indeed racist, she obviously denied it, because how can she be racist if she married an immigrant herself?
And of course during today’s conversation there was some victim behavior on her side, because every time I come back here it’s certain that we are gonna fight and every time it happens I say stuff like “let’s see when and if I will come back again!”. So she was bringing that up cause the other day I said “the first racist comment I hear I’m gone”. She mentioned that, saying I don’t care about her, that she has to beg for me to call her (mind you, we write good morning, good night, text here and there during the day and we talk on the phone 3/4 times a week…). She even said that “she lost me already the moment I left”. Honestly, I don’t know what else more than this she expects from me if what I do is not enough already.
I don’t really know how to handle this. And I’m also just venting and need some support. I wished we could all act as adults, respect each other, have a normal relationship. Am I asking for too much?!
Any advice is highly appreciated.
I’ll be stuck in her house for the next two days and I’ll leave on Thursday. I want her to think about her actions and realize where she did wrong before I leave. I don’t wanna put this under the carpet cause it’s unacceptable and will never forget it.
TL;DR: my 25F mother 56F doesn’t approve of my boyfriend 28M just because of the color of his skin and his religion. Her opinion is based solely on a photo I showed her and at the same time she plays the victim and claims she lost me the moment I moved abroad and I don’t care about her even if we talk everyday. I wished there was a way to behave like adults. Advices on setting boundaries?

Been trying to find an answer to this question for the last couple of weeks on here and other internet sources but no luck.
This is a not a thesis course, just a very small upper level course.
However, 45% of our grade was based on us executing a study and writing a research paper that would have been submission ready for an undergraduate journal.
Went through all the steps from developing a research question, making letters of consent and information, getting ethics approval, collecting data with participants, doing statistical analysis and then writing the full paper with all the components. PI was listed as our professor.
Can I include this as research on AMCAS? Or no because it was to earn course credit? I have other research that I’m including (done at the hospital outside of school) but I wasn’t sure if I could use this as well.
If anything, I was more involved in this research project than the ones at my current lab because it was 100% my ideas that I saw through from very beginning until very end.
Thanks!!!

The current management is clearly out of touch, repeatedly deploying the same failed strategies and expecting different results. They continue to spend tens of thousands of dollars on marketing campaigns that evidently fail to attract new customers, as reflected in their recent revenue and order numbers.
Over the past few days, I've been observing some of the social media marketing that has appeared in my news feed. One particularly interesting example involves a campaign about socks, where someone asks random questions to two people, and whoever gets five correct answers wins a free pair of socks. This campaign has garnered hundreds of thousands of views.
We could adopt a similar strategy by visiting university, college campuses, concerts, public events, etc and asking random health, wellness, or science-related questions to strangers. Participants would receive free cash or products for their participation. This approach would generate significantly more views at a fraction of the cost of our current campaigns. Additionally, a portion of these viewers could potentially become customers and even investors. Also, once people start to click on these videos, we can fine-tune out social media marketing ads, to target them.
Although I couldn't find the exact sock video, I found a similar one that managed to generate 1.5 million views. Check it out below:
https://www.facebook.com/share/rruRKyuxtLjTGbBw/?mibextid=oFDknk

For many, Guerlain’s Habit Rouge represents a high watermark in perfumery. Since its original release in 1965, the composition has been beloved by gentlemen (and ladies) across the world. It is also a well known favourite of many of the most well regarded perfume historians and reviewers out there and, because of that, one could well argue that there is precious little further useful opinion that can be added to the existing cannon (and they may well be right!).
Still, Jean-Paul Guerlain’s multi-faceted composition has been no stranger to a remix over the years and, since Delphine Jelk took over from Thierry Wasser as in-house perfumer at the historic French house, she has managed to deliver a staggering three new takes on the fragrance in as many years. What better opportunity could there be, therefore, to undertake both a reappraisal of the original release and, in doing so, compare it to some of the new kids on the block? Note: I have not sampled the first of Jelk’s flankers, 2022’s Habit Rouge L'Instinct but, given the almost unanimous negativity surrounding it, it’s not high on my hit list! We’ll be looking at Rouge Prive and the Parfum today.
Habit Rouge EDT (1965)
The concept behind Habit Rouge (or ‘Red Coat’, if translated in to English from its native language) was to create a perfume that brought to mind the jackets worn by the landed gentry when they went hunting. In the UK, we’re no stranger to this nefarious practice - our own fox hunting aristocrats also wore red coats and, despite now being banned, the idea of chasing helpless creatures to their deaths is still a subject of debate in our national politics (with right wing politicians often promising to offer a ‘free vote’ to MPs on the issue to energise their base).
As an animal lover myself, this is perhaps the only element of Habit Rouge I find somewhat jarring. There is nothing within this perfume which brings to mind sport, adrenaline, blood, or violence. I find it somewhat curious, consequently, that Guerlain sought to relate it to hunting. The only thing wearers of Habit Rouge were likely to be chasing on its release were sexual partners!
That statement isn’t made wholly in jest either. Habit Rouge is a gentleman’s fragrance, but it carries within its structure not only aspects of formality and traditional masculinity, but also sensuality and sensitivity. It is, as such, a fragrance well suited to old fashioned romantics. Indeed, if it didn’t have these traits, I’d argue that it wouldn’t have survived for the almost 60 years that it has. When you think about it, it’s almost incredible that, despite how radically concepts of masculinity have changed over the years, Habit Rouge has still been a regular seller for Guerlain, with devotees now spanning across 5 generations.
Created to be the younger brother to the company’s 1925 release, Shalimar it, like its sibling, contains a citrus top note, which descends into a floral heart, before culminating in a vanillic leather and amber base. Habit Rouge is not simply a three card trick, however, and its complete run of notes can be summarised as follows (as per Basenotes):
Top Notes: bergamot, lemon, rosewood, basil, pimento
Heart Notes: sandalwood, carnation, patchouli, cedar, rose, cinnamon
Base Notes: vanilla, amber, moss, leather, benzoin, labdanum, olibanum
When it comes to the head of the perfume, the real star of the show is the bergamot, which radiates wonderfully off the skin when first sprayed. Whilst it is effervescent, though, it is also a powdery affair. In fact, it can most accurately be described as being akin to orange sherbet - fizzing whilst maintaining a chalkiness. It is warm and reassuring as opposed to enthusiastic. It also maintains a cologne like structure, however, by incorporating herbal and spicy notes through the use of basil and rosewood.
This accord is then joined to a rose and carnation-dominant middle phase, through which the powdered facets of the fragrance continue to run, and through which the fragrance begins to show its romantic side.
Finally, the dry down of the fragrance provides a semi-sweet backdrop with the vanilla taking the edge away from the traditionally masculine moss and leather accords and combining with the rest of the ingredients to produce a soft, light amber.
It is not hard to see, in this context, why Habit Rouge has continued to be successful over the years - it, essentially, captures hearts and minds because it resonates with the personality of its wearer in a way that other traditional masculine fragrances can sometimes struggle to do (as they were often, like their owners of the period, more buttoned up).
Habit Rouge - Rouge Prive (2023)
That doesn’t mean that the EdT of Habit Rouge smells like it was composed yesterday, however. It just means that it has aged like a fine wine as opposed to being the perfume equivalent of a kipper tie. In fact, if it were any item of clothing, I’d compare it to a 1960s slim lapelled suit - of its time, but still stylish today.
Still, as the years have gone by, the term ‘legibility’ has become more and more important in the perfume industry, and there now seems to be a distinct trend towards the creation of perfumes whose formulas are more streamlined than Habit Rouge. Or to put it another way, perfumers are being encouraged to reduce the number of notes in a perfume’s composition, with the aim of producing a more direct product. For lovers of vintage fragrances, legibility can be an anathema but, personally, I have no issue with the principle behind the concept. Nor it appears, does Delphine Jelk. Enter Habit Rouge Rouge Prive.
Top Notes:Bergamot, Ginger
Middle Notes: Orange Blossom, Iris
Base Notes: Leather, Patchouli, Vanilla
As can be seen from the notes list, Rouge Prive maintains the structure of Habit Rouge (bergamot, floral, vanillic leather), but switches out or culls a number of the traditional accords that were contained within the original. Gone are the cologne-esque elements. Gone too are the powdery rose and carnation. The leather, meanwhile, has been amped up and modernised - more akin to Tom Ford’s Tuscan Leather than Knize 10. Whisper it quietly, but it also seems that Jelk has snuck an oud accord in to the base too.
Given the number of changes, you could be forgiven for thinking that Rouge Prive would end up smelling completely different to the EdT, but fans of the OG need not worry - this is still unmistakably Habit Rouge. To paraphrase Persolaise (my favourite reviewer of perfumes), it’s like the whole perfume has simply been redrawn with clean bold lines. The bergamot continues to shimmer and, in spite of the florals being listed as Orange Blossom and Iris, the ultimate accord generated is still interpreted by my nose as being a rose. It is very much a rouge perfume as opposed to an orange or purple one (which is, incidentally, roughly what you get if you combine an iris hue and orange on a colour wheel…).
Where Rouge Prive differs to the EdT is in its brute strength. The leather note really does have a serious kick to it and, given that, the perfume is pulled from the bottom up, as opposed to the top diffusing off the skin to reveal the heart.
Whilst I’ve always found the EdT to perform quite well, the longevity of the Prive is genuinely outstanding, again due to the material in the base. Pleasingly though, the dry down still does maintain the powdered amber facets contained within the original. It’s a superb flanker that updates Habit Rouge without necessarily ripping up the original composition.
Habit Rouge Parfum (2024)
Not to rest on their laurels, Guerlain have now revisited Habit Rouge again in 2024, introducing a parfum version to go alongside new stablemates Vetiver Parfum and L’Homme Ideal Parfum.
I’ll say in advance that I’m a little sceptical of the allure of parfums myself, as I often find that the actual performance difference between fragrance concentrations can be completely counter-intuitive (I have EdTs that vastly out-perform EDPs and Parfums, both in terms of silage and longevity). In addition, given that Rouge Prive was already quite beastly, the necessity for a parfum to be made only a year later seems curious to me.
Parking those views for the moment though, the theme across these three new releases appears to be alcohol. In the case of Habit Rouge, the drink of choice is listed as rum, although there seems to be confusion in that regard, with Jelk being quoted in the marketing as saying:
For Habit Rouge Le Parfum, I Created a leathery vanilla liqueur with plenty of bold bourbon-inspired intensity
Perhaps Guerlain are suggesting that the perfume has been matured in bourbon casks? Hmm. In any event, the notes list for this one is as follows:
Bergamot, Vanilla, Rum, Patchouli
Well, I did say perfumers were streamlining their notes list, didn’t I!
What’s most striking to me about the Parfum is, firstly, how base heavy it is (we’re talking sub-woofer level) but, secondly, how patchouli dominant it is - there’s a definite chocolate element in that respect, but my nose also detects something slightly medicinal, smoked, and perhaps even burnt (think coffee beans). When combined with the vanilla, the result is a perfume that very much lies within the domain of the gourmand.
This is somewhat a blessing and a curse - if you’re not a particular fan of the EdT or Prive’s floral elements, you’re likely to get along a lot better with the Parfum. At the same time though, I’d argue that the floral heart of Habit Rouge is, to a large extent, key to its DNA, and vastly reducing the components that make this element ‘sing’ lead to a very different fragrance profile.
My second critique is that the perfume, generally, feels less balanced than Rouge Prive. I have no issue with the concept of a Habit Rouge that focuses on patchouli - readers of my previous pieces will know that I’m a huge fan of the note - I just wished that, on a technical level, the Parfum still maintained a decent top end. As it is, the whole thing sits very deep against the skin, with any radiance from the bergamot being buried by the heavier materials. This ultimately leads to a fragrance that, rather than being a sparkling rouge, comes across as a heavy-set chocolate and beige. Because of that, I can’t decide whether or not I’ve truly fallen for the Parfum.
That being said, you honestly couldn’t go wrong with any one of these three and I’ve no doubt they’ll appeal to different elements of the fragrance market. I look forward to Jelk’s next flanker in 2025, even if these variations are becoming a little bit akin to Marge Simpson’s Chanel jacket…!

Hello Everyone!

I've been working on something that could potentially be interesting to the community, and would love your genuine feedbacks.

I've been talking with some of my friends working as traders in the space, particularly those focused on paper trading, who have shared fascinating insights into the lengths they go to gain an informational edge. Many are spending significant sums to establish direct access to key sites around the world, aiming to be the first to know about supply chain disruptions, inventory fluctuations, and other events that could move markets.
Interestingly, this real-time, on-the-ground intel often spreads first in private chats among exclusive networks of traders before hitting mainstream news channels. This allows those with access to act quickly on the information asymmetry.
I'm developing a crowdsourcing platform (using blockchains as payment rails) that aims to revolutionize this dynamic by connecting data providers ("Agents") directly with data consumers, enabling the efficient exchange of unique, actionable information that can inform trading strategies and risk management. The platform would feature verification mechanisms for data integrity, bonding curve pricing to reflect data value, and tokenized incentives for participation.
Key features of the platform include:

1. Agents can create private data channels and set a bonding curve pricing model, where the price of access increases as more subscribers join. This acts as a proxy for the credibility and value of the Agent's information. (A Bonding Curve would look something like this: 1*72qA4WIL6LvWUnX6tmfviQ.png (640×480) (medium.com) where supply is the current number of subscribers.)
2. Various verification mechanisms are in place for Agents, such as location tracking, email confirmation, daily check-ins, and sensor connections to ensure data integrity and reliability.
3. Data consumers do not directly pay Agents, but rather interact with a smart contract that automatically handles payments and access control based on predefined rules.
4. The platform includes a real-time chat feature for direct communication between Agents and subscribers, enabling more contextual and timely information sharing.

To all the community members, I'm seeking your valuable feedback on two key aspects:

1. What kind of alternative data or market insights would you find most valuable and are currently not easily accessible to you? This could include data on supply chain flows, inventory levels, weather patterns, satellite imagery analysis, or any other information that could give you an edge in your trading decisions. I am aware alternative data industry is already a huge industry, but would there be valuable sources of data that are only accessible through last-mile, real-time data updates? (For example in these two posts on oil and coffee's influence from weather, would access to these information through a verified source provide you with information edge?)
2. What do you foresee as potential drawbacks, risks, or pitfalls of such a platform? Are there any specific concerns around data quality, privacy, security, or regulatory compliance that we should be mindful of? Any thoughts on how to mitigate these risks and build trust in the platform?

Your input would be greatly appreciated as we shape the development of this crowdsourced data exchange platform. The goal is to create a mutually beneficial ecosystem that empowers commodity traders with timely, actionable insights while rewarding data providers for their valuable contributions.
Thank you in advance for your time and insights. I look forward to a fruitful discussion and learning from your experiences in the commodities trading space.
Best regards, OnlyGold

I’ve been with my partner for 10years. He was my first. I wish I had never said yes to when he asked me out. I came from a strict background where marriages are approved and vetted through the family. I wanted to choose my own path. To be free and find someone that fit me. Not fit with the social acceptability of my family and society. I guess I was wrong to do that. I love my partner, but our relationship has had issues that I never thought I would find myself in. Verbal abuse, physical and sexual. He puts me in a small place, where the writing on the wall are only what he tells me I am. I feel so lost. And so alone. The biggest chance I took in my life, has turned out to be the biggest risk that has taken so much of me. I know I haven’t given much details. But I just wanted to say the things lurking in my head. There is no answers or solution that Reddit can give me. I know I have to find this for myself. But I feel like I’m being pulled in to a dark pit that only holds regret, sadness and pain. That’s just where I’m at. I guess…the more I chose to love him, the more I ended up with self hatred and disgust of myself. I just wish I could have taken a different turn. I wish to feel light inside myself. I wish I was okay. I wish I was happy. I wish I was safe. I wish I had someone that loved me enough to never hurt me.

First heartbreak at 26 y/o how to deal with it
After spending a few days working on this, there has been some progress. So, to summarize: I've been dating this girl for 9 months. About a month ago, I confessed my love for her, but she didn't say it back, instead expressing affection in other ways. A couple of weeks later, she sort of ghosted me for a weekend, apologized, and we had a conversation. During that conversation, I went to her place seeking comfort because one of my friends had passed away. That's when she mentioned she wasn't sure about continuing the relationship because our feelings weren't on the same level. We agreed to give it another month, and that week was amazing. However, now she's ghosting me again, but for a longer period. We talked on Monday, but this time, I've been feeling limited in what I can say. I haven't reached out since, and it's been radio silence. She mentioned that her grandmother in the UK is getting worse and she's been reconsidering our relationship. She's been dismissive lately. I've been working every day for the past two months and doing therapy for a few weeks. I've lost 40 pounds due to a lack of appetite, but I'm coping. Physically, I'm getting stronger, but mentally, it's tough. I'm tempted to send a voice note just to check in and let her know I'm here. I've done a lot for her, like making her birthdays, Valentine's Day, and Christmas special, and she was good to me at some point. I feel like I'm spiraling.
On the bright side, I've been doing well for myself. I recently styled an MLB player, got sponsored, and was interviewed for Style Canada, but I still can't find happiness.
During therapy on Monday, I was crying and asked my therapist for advice. She couldn't tell me what to do, but she suggested I block her on TikTok and Instagram, where she often posted about her social life, which made it harder for me to move on because she’d be shaking ass and partying while I’m here crying and it felt like she was trying to get into competition with me since she wants to start taking content creation seriously and I have a big following already I offered help but she declined
The reason it's been hard for me to let go is because she showed me how to have fun and be myself. We went to many concerts and had late-night adventures together. She was also my first sexual partner at 26 years old and the first girl to make my birthday special.
Blocking her felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders, and it feels like life is just beginning now.
The last time we talked was on Wednesday when I saw her. She barely kissed me and wasn't "feeling it." I even got her food and flowers (I kinda over did the flowers I get her flowers every month or so) said she was meeting a guy friend looked excited and I felt jealous because she’s avoiding dates with me and etc. She said she'd try on a dress I made for her that night but later messaged me saying she was going to bed because she finished her tasks late. I said okay and left it to her to message me, but I haven't heard from her yet.
I was the first guy to meet her mom and she met my family and it’s just one day she went cold turkey. Said she got love for me but not in love with me and thought she would be “dulu” and also said that since she never been in a relationship she has nothing to base it off of (which I didn’t buy) she also said that came from a broken home and can’t give me what I want but at the beginning she said could (I want what my parents have, they been together for 35+ years strong faith humans)
How do you guys handle this?

I 20m have been with my 19F girlfriend for a little over 2 years. We've lived together for about a year now. I work 30+ hours a week and my GF 40+ hours week.
For context me an my girlfriend have always had a rocky relationship. In the beginning it would be small things like me falling asleep on call at 2AM when she was talking about something she liked. Me being late for stuff or just plain braking promises I shouldn't have made because I knew I properly wouldn't be able to live up to them. For the first year we would have 2 good weeks and then a bad week because I messed up by falling asleep, being late, buying the wrong fries/burger, not calling early enough among other things. I had a hard time apologising in the beginning, but learned how to do it after hard work. Whenever we would get in an argument I would apologise immediately and tell her how sorry I was. I understood I had made a mistake that hurt her and I should be better. I started seeing a mentor at school to work on why I had such a hard time keeping promises and breaking them. After a few sessions the mentor flat out told me I shouldn't be with my girlfriend and called it "emotional terror" on her behalf. I talked with my girlfriend about what I had discussed with my mentor. My GF told me that what I was telling wasn't the whole truth so of course that was the response I was getting from the mentor. I agreed and everytime I went to see the mentor I would also defend my GF in every scenario we talked about.
Cut to some time later where this cycle of 2 good weeks 1 bad week had continued and we had moved in together. She worked a lot and I tried my best to handle all the cooking, cleaning laundry while working my own job and my other hobbies. I started feeling really drained and began to slip on my chores. During this time my GF would also work a lot more (around 65-75 hours a week) primarily cleaning at night. She would get paranoid around 02:30 to 03:30 so I would drive to her work and sit in my car. Some times for more than 5 hours just so she had me close(for the record it was a brand new top of the line car warehouse(picture lambos, Ferrari and such) so she was safe).
When I finished school it's tradition to party in a truck with your classmates and so of course I did. We drove around for 10 hours and with me being drunk I didn't text my GF at all. We drove for 2 days and on the last day I had arranged with her to meet me at a bar so we could celebrate my graduation together. I ditched my classmates to go see her and when I met up with her she wasn't happy at all. Long story short she was mad I hadn't texted her and it ended up in me following her home apologising and crying until I feel over and had to be driven home by a stranger. I still regret not celebrating my graduation more than what I did.
I talked with one of my coworkers about all of this and more like me seeing a therapist to work on the problems from earlier, driving spending hours on hours waiting for her to finish school and work. Her having full access to my so she could check it whenever she wanted and I wasn't allowed to see hers (I've never really suspected cheating. One time I spent my lunch break at work to drive home and make sure she got up and drove her to work because she got up too late and didn't answer my calls. Anyway my coworker said the same the mentor said and this time I made damn sure to tell the whole story and showed proof so I could get straight answers. He suggested she might be a narcissist. I ended up spending a night at his place where she spammed my phone with calls and messages which I didn't respond to per his advice. He along with every else I have talked with has suggested I should break up with her, but I just love her much. I eventually went home to her and talked with her. She said she was sorry about everything and would be more forgiving of me making small mistakes like buying the wrong fries or not having done the dishes. It's been 4 months since that happened. I talked with my long time friend about it and he told me the same. He had just come out of a 2 year relationship at that point so he knows how hard it is. He suggested I set a date in my head where if things haven't gotten better by that date I should end it. So I did. The date came and went and I couldn't make a decision. Some things had gotten better, but some didn't. I still do all the chores except laundry. She works less so she's taken that. I couldn't bring myself to make a decision by the date so I just didn't. I haven't kept her up to her promises to me since I have forgotten what they were. My memory hasn't always been as bad as it is now though.
Anyway that bring us to today. She asked me to wake her up at 11:00 am today. I'm home with a bad ankle sprain (trying to find transport to see a doctor) and she took a day off from school. I woke her up at 11:00, 11:02, 11:05, 11:07.... I tried to wake her for 15 minutes, shaking her and talking to her, but she would get up. If I could get a lift by 11:25 I could see the doctor today (I didn't) so I after she only woke up a little bit at went back to sleep I gave up. I tried again at 12:00, 12:30, 13:00, but she just wouldn't wake up more than a quick second. She woke up now at 18:30 being really mad at me for not waking her up. I tried to tell her that I did my best at waking her, but she just wouldn't get up. She wasn't having it a told me it was my fault she didn't get up and missed her own doctors appointment which I had no idea about. It apparently was a meeting to get a new prescription for her ADHD medication which she needs this week. She noticed she was running low last week so I don't understand why she waited until now since she also had Wednesday to Friday off last week. I don't think it's my fault she didn't get up as I told her I'd try to get her up. I did try my very best. She's asked me to wake her before where I tried, but had to go since I was running late for work. I told her she should have set alarms if it was this important and she knows I barely slept due to the pain in my ankle. she's old enough to get up herself without relying on me as she does every day.
she used to say she "knows I'll disappoint her". She's said this a lot in the past and did today.
I know I wrote a lot, but I feel like I'm going crazy some days. I know I'm far from perfect, but I can't be that bad. I wish I could have followed her when said she was leaving 45 minutes ago to "go somewhere not here", but since I can barely walk I didn't follow her.
I just want to know if I'm as bad as she says. What should I do? I do truly love her and want to be with her, but some days it seems like a big mistake.
Tl;dr I have made mistakes which friends, family and professionals have told me isn't my fault and I'm being abused, but I fear I explained things so poorly they're not giving me real/biased answers/advice in the situations me and my GF have been in.
I'm really emotional right now so let me know if I did anything wrong or just have questions.

Today’s review is for Tales of the EdgeWorlds Volume 1 by Shawn Frost. I was given an ARC copy back in July of 2023, but didn’t finish reading it until recently because I bogged myself down with too many activities, and something this long takes me a while. I will go through the things I liked about it, the things I hated, and wrap it up with a score from 1-10. My scoring system goes through 5 key components, with each one going over the creative aspect and the technical aspect. I will explain that part when we get to scoring later on, so let’s plow on through.
This is a collection, about 266 pages long, and is meant to be the first installment of a comedy series. Shawn runs a Youtube channel where he covers lolcows and does gaming streams, so comedy should come naturally to him. As a volume, this holds 4 short stories, each one holding about 8 chapters, with each story running for about 20k words. Technically, we can say it’s 4 novelettes, but as I explain the situation, you’ll see why they are so long. The plot may seem complex but the main characters go through the same situations: the dimensional merge occurred, between all of our creative properties and C-197, with a group of rambunctious penguins doing mercenary work.
Sadly, it’s not really the Chris-Chan version of a dimensional merge, so we do not see Sonichu or any of that wacky world… yet. It's volume 1, so it's too early to say it's not open to the possibilities. The style runs close to internet memes and those old Newgrounds cartoons, with the focus aimed at action scenes and descriptions of the creative world around their setups. But, as you read through the massive amount of descriptions and banter, you'll realize that very little happens in each story. I would say each one is very simple and with a low reading level needed to get through them, which is a double-edged sword in this case.
I say this because the writing tries too hard to claim a joke was made when it wasn’t really a “ha-ha” joke to begin with. It’s more like “ah… humor is detectable somewhere in these pages” kind of comedy. It relates to the offensive animals of Fritz the Cat, where the comedy comes from the absurdity of a setup, rather than a punchline that is found. Unfortunately, because the satire is absent and it focuses too much on the premise, the result becomes more like my favorite episode of Heil Honey I’m Home, minus Hitler and his annoying neighbors. The banter bogs down the pacing, turning each chapter into a short, yet overly long, sample of a scene, chained together by constantly shifting points of view.
Thankfully, this simple way of approaching a story allows a casual reader to speed on by. Things are easy to follow and characters are easy to remember. The main cast of Edgy, Jeff, Todd, and Hylus are separated by their brand of chaotic addictions. Addiction to drugs, addiction to hentai, addiction to video games, addiction to murder; all greatly expressed in what are meant to be running gags that resemble a sitcom cast. The ship they travel around in, from job to job, can easily be imagined as a "That '70s Show basement" version of the ship in The Orville, as each story goes to different planets where they meet different aliens.
There is enough in each story to understand what is going on, with the stories more as an exploration of lore than an exploration of character or theme. The lack of focus, as well as the indifferent prose, harms the way each tale is told. I would never say these are bad ideas or bad concepts, just bad ways to get them across. High concept, low composition. I would say the main value is from the promise of more to come than what is presented in the pages.
Time for the rating, which will be given between 0-2. 1 point goes to the technical aspect and 1 point goes to the creative side of things. Flaws within a point will reduce it into smaller decimals, but a single aspect is not able to entirely kill a story on its own. If it’s all technical or all creative, a story will be treated as mediocre. Even if I like something, it is still possible to get a 5/10, meaning it’s not suitable for the average reader who is more accepting of a 7 or an 8.
Plot: 1.5 Things happen and people go places in the form of a violent travelog. The pacing bogs down the destination with tourist traps.
Characters: 1.5 The characters play their roles well, even though their roles don’t play well with the plot. Their banter and quirks fall flat in parts.
Prose: 1 With clear points between A and B, wet and sloppy ideas are delivered dry and brittle. With each paragraph shoving lore down the reader’s throat, it can become death by a thousand detours.
Theme: 1 There is a great message about how chaos and anarchy transforms people into primitive animals. Unfortunately, the author couldn’t find it in the infinite vastness of subspace.
Setting : 2 It is a world you want to know more about and look forward to the next bit of info. Creative, exotic, to the proper point of chaotic, yet still comprehensible. Everything about this book is in the setting.
Final verdict: 7/10
The book is niche, it takes a while to heat up, and even then it’s as appealing as a mystery flavor hot pocket. If you’re into absurdity, you will enjoy it. I just wish the absurdity had some life behind it. There is room for expansion and I hope that opportunity is taken.

I'm a late 30s woman who has always had trying relationships with my immediate family. I have one sibling (an older sister) and my mom and dad are still married. My father is an alcoholic who was absent from most family matters and has been physically abusive to my mom. My mom suffers with major codependency issues, anorexia, and her own substance abuse problems. My sister demonstrates a lot of borderline personality disorder characteristics but has never been diagnosed. She has also physically and psychologically abused me. I went no contact with my sister 10 years ago because I could no longer tolerate being bullied and threatened by her. Since I've been an adult, I've done my best to put physical distance between myself and my family. But in my late 20s, my mom tried to re-enter my life and as her daughter and someone who admittedly still desperately wanted her love, I let her back in. A mistake.
My mom would torment me as a child, often going months without speaking to me if I did something she didn't like or if I wasn't able to predict what she wanted without her telling me. I would literally ask her a question and watch her pick her things up and leave the room to avoid talking to me. I watched her suffer at the hands of my dad but take her rage out on my sister and me, with either this kind of silent treatment or verbal abuse. The worst was when she and my sister would gang up on me and invent things to ostracize me with, like that I was on drugs (when I was literally 11 and in their presence all the time, like, what drugs could I have been doing, lol) or that I was a "tramp" (again, 11). They called me helpless, weak, stupid, slow, etc. and destroyed my self esteem at an already difficult age. My sister would make screen names on AIM (the 90s lol) and talk to my classmates to repeat this weird shit to them, too. When I caught her and confronted my family with this information, they told me it was my fault and I was punished. I learned I couldn't trust them, which hurt so badly and made me feel hopeless. I've struggled with depression since, but as an adult I prioritized my mental health and did a lot of really difficult work to make myself into a person I'm proud of now.
My mom and dad made a major scene at my college graduation fighting with each other so I don't even really remember it. I just knew it was finally my time to get away once and for all. I got a great job in NYC in my field and was making plans to move there when my mom confronted me. She told me I was a loser, that I broke my father's heart when I went to college far away (news to me, he almost never talked to me), and that she would see me in six months when I failed. I ended up staying there for over 10 years building a career with a lot of effort. I even saved up enough money to put a down payment on an apartment with, which my dad came through and helped me with financially too. I still own the apartment even though I've since relocated and got married (more on that soon).
My mom worked her way back into my life in my late 20s by telling me that she was going to file for divorce and was getting her own place. Even though we hadn't resolved our issues, I was so happy that she was making positive choices that I let those things go and did my best to help her. She went about it in a very odd way, which was to move out, not tell my father or sister where she was going or why, and to make me the only person who knew what was going on. She also has a large immediate family and they didn't know what was happening either. So I felt a huge responsibility to help her as I was the only one she was trusting with this new plan for her life. And by the way, in the months when she was "missing" like this, my dad never asked once where she was to me or my sister. Or my mom! He just carried his life on as usual. Bizarre.
But soon her plans became less important than her being able to complain to me about my dad and all of their many problems. It wasn't anything I hadn't heard as a child, but it still had the power to make me feel pity for her and want to help her. I visited frequently from NYC, made us plans to do fun things together, and showed her some of the books that helped me work through depression and my own relationship issues. And then suddenly one day, she announced that she was moving back in with him. I was disappointed but I also know it takes a lot of tries to truly separate from an abusive relationship so I didn't give up on her. She moved out another time -- same story, another vanishing act that only I knew about -- only to return home after a few months with no explanation to me. I want to say this cycle repeated at least three times but I genuinely lost track.
I found a partner who treated me with love, kindness and respect and we dated for about four years before I made the decision to relocate with him to the west coast. We recently got married and it was the best choice I ever made. We're celebrating our one year anniversary soon and things are truly only getting better. I feel like I hit the jackpot. The only thing is, it's made things even worse in my family somehow. I asked my parents if they'd like to participate in our wedding and my dad seemed interested, but my mom withdrew again and started a new disappearing act. She was living with my dad again and suddenly I was public enemy number 1. I asked if she'd like to meet my partner and she declined. I asked her if she'd like to visit and she declined, angrily saying that where I was living was unsafe (literally the suburbs lol) and that she wouldn't set foot there. And she later told me she'd "catch up with me at a later time" if I did decide to get married. That was so, so painful. I knew we were at another crossroads, like we were when I initially moved to NYC, and that she hadn't learned or changed at all in all of those 20 years. And of course, when I sent her an announcement saying that we did get married, she had another opportunity to be a victim and say she was hurt to be excluded, even though she said she didn't want to hear about it. I later flew to our home state to see my grandmother, but she had my dad make up a story that she was too under the weather for a visit (which I found out later through an aunt was a lie).
It's also worth noting that when my sister got engaged, she went and hid in the shower for about 4 hours rather than coming down and congratulating her. So there's that.
I decided to preserve my sanity and protect my new family by having a small ceremony on the west coast. I was so insanely blessed to have very good friends who I've been close to for years come and support me, and his family was amazing too. It was so painful to be asked where my family was, but it was also something I realized I had been explaining away my whole life. Something in my brain clicked that day.
It's always been more important to my mom to be a victim of life than to take any responsibility in her own choices. My dad is no angel and I don't exactly have sympathy for him, but he's been showing her who he is their entire relationship and she will not stop believing he's actually different. I don't know why he won't leave her, but he has also never made this my problem. She will not do anything to help herself. My mom has outsourced her happiness to me and my sister, pushing us to always be the best, get into the best schools, be the most successful, always moving the goal posts, etc. but when we actually achieved those things she would talk shit on us (in front of us) to anyone who would listen. And then she tried making it my responsibility to help her when she wanted out. She made her relationship with a man who doesn't like her our problem for our entire lives. It robbed us of space for so many things, including support for my sister whose BPD I can't help but see as rooted in our tumultuous environment. Because my sister only sees the world in black and white terms, she sees me as trying to destroy our family by being supportive to our mom in her choice to separate. And my relationships with extended family are almost nonexistent because no one else can find a way to deal with my mom -- when she even deigns to answer the phone for them -- and it makes them feel awkward around us.
And so I'm really looking at myself and the times I've chosen to abdicate responsibility in favor of being "the victim." It's hard work, and I've spent a lot (a LOT) of time and money in therapy trying to sort myself out. It wasn't fair to be put in a situation as a child where my physical, emotional, and psychological wellbeing were constantly jeopardized. It wasn't fair that she encouraged my sister to bully me. And it's definitely not fair to feel rejected by her again because I married a man who actually likes me. I wrestled with a lot through the years with the violence between my mom and dad, always feeling like I could fix it, I had to fix it, as a child, a young woman, an adult. And this spilled over into my adult life as becoming a people pleaser, a fixer, etc. But the truth is they were the adults. They had many, many people in their lives they could reach out to for help. But they made their health and happiness their childrens' responsibility. A lot of my friends have kids now, and I look at these little kids and realize exactly how ridiculous it was to bully a child, your own child, plus expect them to solve all your own problems. I never want to put my "happiness" on anyone else in such a suffocating way. I can see where their putdowns on me as a kid were total projection now -- that I was selfish, useless, worthless, etc. -- because that's how they truly felt about themselves. Pathetic.
Mother's Day brought a lot of these feelings up for me and I feel like I'm moving in the right direction, but I still needed to get this off my chest somewhere anonymously to just feel like I was releasing it.
The last time I talked to my mom she was asking if she could move into my NYC apartment. You know, in the place where she said I'd fail in six months?
I said no.

Two years ago, I had just moved to a new house from a different neighbourhood for work. I was settling in and getting used to the place, but I was still lonely and went through bouts of depression.
My ex-boyfriend of five years had ended the relationship a while before I moved, and I wasn't having much luck going on dates. I eventually decided to focus my energy into work and fitness instead, but the loneliness lingered. The house still felt empty at times, and the silence was painful. I went through the motions numbly as the days passed by.
About two months after I had moved in, I started noticed a stray dog pacing around my front yard from time to time. It had big, brown, sad eyes, and there was no collar around its neck. I couldn't tell you what breed it was - a reverse Google image search tells me it looks like an Indian Pariah dog. I could always recognize it, as its left eye was slightly larger and darker than the right, but that gave it some unique charm. After seeing it outside my front door for three days straight, I put up some posters along my street inviting anyone who might have lost a dog to call me. I quickly learned that I probably shouldn't have done that, after getting a few silent calls from an unknown number that I eventually chalked up to being a prankster or some scammer.
I called a local animal shelter and them pictures of the dog. A guy came over to scan the dog for a microchip, but found nothing. He said it was most likely abandoned as a puppy. He could take it back to the shelter, or I could look after it for the time being - they would contact me if anyone ever tried to claim it. My grandad had a german shepherd that I used to love playing with, so I always had a soft spot for dogs and agreed to look after it, even if it was for a while. The guy from the animal shelter advised that if I didn't hear back in a week, I should take it to the vet to get it checked out and microchipped, or to the shelter if I didn't want to keep it.
I took care of the dog and let it roam around the living room, with free access to the back yard. I decided to name him Charlie, and purchased more dog food, a labelled dog collar, some brushes to groom him with and dog toys. The nearest vet was a two hour drive away. Work was busy so I wasn't incredibly flexible for a visit, but I managed to get an appointment booked in two weeks' time.
The first night I spent with Charlie, I realized that he might just be what I needed in my life. Late in the evening, I sat on the couch looking at him, sitting quietly in the middle of the room on my wooden floor. I began talking out loud to Charlie. It seemed stupid at first, but the way he sat quietly and listened was comforting. After a while, I got more into it, and vented about my loneliness and frustrations to the point of tears.
How I stayed with my cheating, gaslighting ex-boyfriend because I was too insecure to be alone, until he dumped me. All my failed dates, and how I thought I would die alone and unloved. I poured my heart out to my new companion, spilling my deepest secrets until I cried myself to sleep. The next day, I again began talking to Charlie about the pain and depression I had been through, and he listened patiently once more. I discovered that spending time with my new friend was cathartic. Perhaps I needed to get it all out, and be listened to for once, even if not fully understood.
The third day after I had taken Charlie in, I woke up to realize that I'd overslept half an hour. I poured some food into Charlie's bowl and brushed my teeth at lightning speed, then grabbed my bag and flung the door open, ready to bolt into my car. A surprise greeted me at the front door, that made me stop.
There was a bouquet of red and pink roses on my front door step.
I picked it up and looked at it, confused. There was no note attached or anything. I couldn't think of who it would be from - I obviously hadn't been on any dates recently. Being late for work, I didn't have much time to ponder, so I dropped the roses back on my doorstep and drove off. During the drive, I panicked for a second at the thought that it could have been my ex, but then realized he didn't know my new address, or even that I had moved. The mystery bugged me all day at work. When I came back home, the roses were gone, so I assumed someone had accidentally left them at the wrong address.
That night, I woke to the sound of creaking. As I opened my eyes slightly, I saw something at the foot of my bed and bolted upright, adrenaline rushing through me. As the fogginess faded, my heart rate settled a little.
"It’s just you, Charlie," I sighed, "you scared me."
Charlie continued to stare at me from the foot of my bed. After a minute, he stood up and left the room. I didn't think much of it, and fell back asleep.
For the next week, I continued the usual ritual of talking to Charlie before I went to bed. I would talk about my day, my plans, hopes, dreams and other such things. I found our one way conversations getting more positive each day - they were very therapeutic. Charlie would always stare at me with those big brown eyes and sit quietly still as I talked.
On the morning of the vet appointment, for which I had taken the day off work, I noticed that my car was much cleaner than usual. Had it always been this shiny? I thought. I had driven it to work the Friday before, but I hadn't taken notice of how clean it was then. The last time I had, I could swear there were bird droppings on the back window, and some general grime that covered it all round, but it was now spotless. I pondered for a few seconds, and came to the conclusion that it must've just be a brain lapse on my part - it was probably always clean. Those droppings must have washed away over time with a few rainy nights.
I drove Charlie down to the vet and explained the story of how I'd found him.
"He's very well behaved," she beamed, as she began examining Charlie on the table. "We see a few of these cases from time to time. People's dogs have puppies, and they get sold or abandoned."
"It's a real shame," I sighed. "Charlie's been a star, I'm lucky to have him really. I live alone, so as odd as it sounds, I've been talking to him and it's helped me through some difficult moments."
"That's not strange at all," replied the vet, checking his teeth. "Owning a dog can do wonders for your mental health, especially if you live alo-"
She suddenly stopped.
I stared as she squinted and moved Charlie's head up and down, trying to get a look at something. She plucked a light out of her pocket and aimed it into Charlie's left eye.
"What's wrong?" I asked. She didn't answer, and kept looking at Charlie from different angles. He whimpered slightly.
"Did his eye look like this when you found him?" She asked. I leaned in closer.
"Yeah, I did notice his left eye was slightly darker and larger than his right."
She looked at me for a second and raised her eyebrows, then back at Charlie.
"I'd like to get a closer look at his eye and examine it in the next room, if that's okay?"
"Uh, sure," I said, confused.
Without further explanation, she hastily picked Charlie up and carried him off into a different room. I sat down and waited, reading the news on my phone, expecting her to be back in a few minutes. However, when the vet didn’t come back for a while, my concern began to grow. I paced around the room and tried to glance into the door she had left through a few times.
Then I sat back down and watched the minutes pass by, getting more anxious. Hopefully it's nothing, I thought to myself. An easily curable eye infection perhaps, or a defect he was born with - hopefully it was something like that or nothing. I'd only spent a few weeks with Charlie, but he was the best friend I'd ever had. I had told him so much about me, and he was the only one that had ever really listened to me. I had grown very attached to him quickly, so I almost felt like a worried parent, blaming myself for not bringing him to the vet sooner.
An hour and a half passed, but it felt like eternity. The vet finally came back through the door. I stood up.
"Everything okay?" I asked.
"Have you noticed any odd events recently?" she asked, "Like, anything you couldn't explain?"
"To do with Charlie?"
"No, just in general. Anything you've seen or heard around you that felt out of place in your life?" She insisted. I took a second to think.
"I'm pretty sure this isn't gonna be relevant," I said, "But I have a couple of times. For instance, this morning I thought my car was a lot cleaner than usual. I've been getting some unknown calls, and hearing some creaking noises at night lately, but I'm sure it's just Charlie walking around and waking me up. And… someone left roses on my front doorstep one day. Didn't say from who, but… Sorry, I'm not sure why I'm even telling you this."
I looked up at the vet, who now had a very concerned look on her face.
"I'm going to have to call the police," she said.
It took a few seconds to register. A million thoughts started racing through my mind. Did I say something wrong? Did she think I was abusing Charlie?
"I swear," I said, "Everything I've told you is true, I'm really sorry it took me so long to bring him in, it's my first time owning a dog and all…"
"No, no, it's not that," she said. She gestured for me to follow her into the room through the door.
Charlie was sitting on a table in the middle of the room. There were a few other tables surrounding it, with dog toys and surgical equipment on them. There was a large hole where his left eye had been, now a gaping black cavity.
The vet pointed at a sheet of blue paper on a table next to the one Charlie was on. There were two black domes resting on it, like two halves of a black ping pong ball had been split in half. A clear fluid was covering the outer sides, and staining the blue paper. There was also a tiny black cube. I looked closer, and saw some red and green wires coming out of the tube.
"I took this out of Charlie's left eye," the vet explained, "I thought my eyes were fooling me, but I took a closer look and was sure this thing definitely shouldn't have been in his head. When I took it out, I thought it was some kind of prosthetic eye, until I heard something moving inside it. I opened it up, and found this."
She pointed at the tiny cube and picked it up with some tweezers, revealing a transparent circular window on one side.
"Now I'm no expert, but I took that apart just now and to me it looked a lot like the inside of a camera lens you'd get on a smartphone."
She looked back at me.
"Do you think…" She paused.
"Do you think it's possible someone could have been watching you for the past few days?"
The police were eventually called and an investigation started. The tiny device inside Charlie's eye was indeed a camera lens with a built in audio recording device, and it had a wireless connection. It was an advanced piece of kit, but with some technical expertise they were able to examine its traffic logs and identify an IP address to which the miniature device was streaming.
That IP address belonged to my neighbor, who lived in the house opposite to mine.
I had never seen him leave the house before, although when I moved in I did see his silhouette in the top floor window a couple of times. He was a fifty five year old balding, slightly overweight man who worked as an engineer, but otherwise lived a reclusive lifestyle. I later found out that he had multiple restraining orders placed against him from ex partners. He had a collection of tiny bugging devices which he had been planting in various places including public women's bathrooms for years. These devices could livestream video and audio to his computer, and in his spare time he would watch and listen to this footage he collected.
A while before I moved into the house, he had purchased a puppy from someone he knew, and kept it as a pet without registering it. I assume he got bored of spying on women in bathroom stalls, and when he saw me move into the house opposite, he suddenly got a wild idea of how he could get a peek at something more intimate. The rest is some truly horrific history.
Charlie had been in my room while I slept and even a couple of times while I undressed. But worst of all, I had told him everything about me. The names of previous partners, things about my family, companies I had worked for and more. I wish I could say that I kept Charlie, but I just couldn't. Not after that. The vet arranged for him to be sent to the animal shelter where I'm glad to say he eventually did find a new home. I also relocated and changed my phone number.
For anyone out there wondering, I'm still single. The difference is that nowadays, I'm completely at peace with being alone. I've experienced a worse alternative, that's for sure.

So here's the thing, I'm not sure if it's something I dreamt about in the past and I just remember it vividly or if it was an actual short film I watched. But I believe I did see it, I remember this short film heavily focused on the robots (that were controlled by humans) that were fighting some other entity, I do not recall if it was other robots, humans, or another being, though I believe it was between robots or humans.
Essentially, these certain humans were in a war, it took place around a deserted area, with sand everywhere. (It could've also been dirt but again, I'm not sure.) At the base the humans had, they all ran up to these VR stations where they'd sit down, and put on this helmet that was connected to the VR machine. This allowed the humans to control Robot Soldiers that were sent to the battlefield to fight. But here's the kicker - whatever damaged that was received by the Robot, was transferred to the Human controlling it.
I remember this incredibly well, I think it was a girl moving the Robot forward and beginning to shoot until the robot got shot in the eye. The short film then quickly switched to the girl screaming in agony as her eye popped in the headset and started bleeding tremendously. I believe other humans came to her aid and dragged her away from the VR machine.
I know another Robot received incredible damage and the human who was controlling it died. But yes, as I've said, any damage to the Robot is reflected to the Pilot controlling it. I can't remember much else besides that. But this has been bothering me a lot because the idea of it is so interesting to me and I'd love to make a similar story to it but I cannot find the original source. I've spent three years looking for the film but to no avail.
If you guys can help me that would be amazing, I can attempt to remember more about it but so far this is all I can remember. If there's any questions, I will try my best to answer them.

Hi,
I read a lot of the new playereturning player guides and have been playing for quite a few hours now (70+), but the weapon system in particular is so complex that I have a ton of questions, and quite honestly can't find the answers online anywhere.
Hope that's okay!

Questions

• I obtained Wish-Keeper before gaining access to the crafting table, thus when I obtained it, it wasn't red bordered. I got another "red bordered" wish keeper from collections and extracted the pattern (then trashed it because it was 1600 to my current 1810), but I don't see anywhere on my pre-crafting table bow that indicates its level. I have a catalyst I want to craft it with, but I need level 10 on the weapon to do that.
  
  • Do I need to CRAFT the bow WITHOUT the catalyst first, and use that one to level up? I've been using the bow I got from completing Starcrossed the first time a lot the past few days, did it not accrue ANY experience? Or can I get another one from collections and transfer the PL to it from my current one and it'll have leveling xp on it?
  • Or is this bow accruing XP, it just doesn't display it? Not the first time Destiny 2 has been frustratingly vague on its numbers and progress.
• What perks are good on weapons? I know this question is loaded, but goddammit having to sift through hundreds of weapon perks is the most tedious part of this game, especially when the game doesn't tell you what the values are, and not knowing the "meta" of why certain perks are good, etc.
  
  • Currently gravitating toward hand cannons, pulse rifles, auto rifles and snipers. Rocket Launchers and LMGs for heavy. If that helps. I play a strand hunter currently.
• For wish keeper (it's really the first bow I've used) I hear it's really good, but I guess I'm just...not seeing it? My hand cannon (it's the already-mastered one you get from Shaxx in the hall of champions as a first reward, love it) does half the damage at quadruple the firing speed, plus it has the AoE Burn explosion thing that's great for trash clear. Yeah the bow has a lot longer range, and the traps are "nice", but typically not super practical (drop off on the arrow is egregious, things have to run into it, etc.). If I want range I can just use a sniper rifle which does way more damage (green ammo isn't that hard to come by tbh).
  
  • My exotic armor piece is Sixth Coyote which obviously doesn't help the bow, do I need to 'nerf' my dodges to run a wish-keeper-specific exotic armor piece?
  • If not, then what am I doing wrong?
• My Strand Hunter basic build:
  
  • Strand Clone when dodging (sixth coyote so double dodge as well), Suspension grenade. I find the clone is even better than Void's invisibility for reviving teammates and getting out of sticky situations.
  • Stat priority is Mobility (100) > Resilience (~70) > Grenade Stat (~50) > others.
  • Is this right?
• Does the strand clone "look like me" to enemies in PvP? I noticed that while finishing out the PvP quests for New Light, a lot of people would hit my clone which I found humorous.
  
• What should I use my Riven wish shards on? The stuff you give to dommy-mommy for weapon patterns or whatever? I've heard the rocket launcher is good?
  

I decided to do it in a summery short version because I don’t want to feel like a tease or keeping you guys waiting I won’t drop names or specific location mostly things that has to do with the recovery and time on mdma pills
How I obtained the bags : me and my friend found a good trustworthy source and decided to buy bulk while the legit pills where around they where a variety of different shapes some basic like angry birds , 1up mushrooms,teslas until the second bag we where planning on both using and selling only during festival season or for summer more party like seasons which we would take a certain amount with us that event to sell
While we did test the top of the bags which was cleared for mdma I won’t lie and say we tested the whole batches but can vouch every pill had the same effect idk
The good : while my time on mdma i had social experiences I never would of had otherwise it helped me understand a lot about my depression and anxiety along with social anxiety in big crowds. Another thing was connecting with people in a deeper level really understanding the full spectrum of deep emotion found alot of new and odd music that I still listen to that I am grateful for completely took away doubt in terms of trying new things or going new places with out those little shapes I don’t think I would’ve had a glimpse of normal life without depression and anxiety.
It sure in hell helped me creatively not that I wasn’t without it because as a hobby I love designing and concepting things such as films ,books , animation even found that I’m pretty decent at rock music well back up vocals but that’s the beauty ig finding some sort of new talent
Where I messed up at is falling I love with the therapeutic aspect of it because I would take it a lot solo and dig with in my self to completely understand every aspect as well as other aspects of people psyche it was so refreshing to connect in this way… non the less good things can’t last for ever.
Lol as for pleasure ehhh I mean yes can be horny but not as it seems in media also for my males out there dude be ready for e dick 🤣 aka the shrivels
What it really helped me with is coming to terms with wounds from exs that never fully healed or suppressed especially with a girl which was my first long term relationship 5 yes
Helped me plan/focus on a way I wanted to be and self improvement I won’t say this for everyone though depends on how you use mdma
Helped alot with ptsd letting shit go and setting rules/boundaries
Had some killer work out sessions and improve my combat sports technique along with performance also actually listening taking in the coaching
The bad
The sweet release and momentum you get from them leads you to taking them everyday for me ig to be more consistent in mental mood (even though this would have the reverse opposite coming off the first year bad )
I found my self building a tolerance leading to dosing 3 times a day or taking a couple half’s max no I’m not a mad man I think I would be dead hell I’m not sure how I’m not dead with the abuse lol but sure I’m hell ain’t the same
I won’t say all the connection but a quarter of them where fake ig or not intense for the person once completely sober it can lead to of alot of truthful moments maybe not ready to be touched on or maybe the person/oneself can’t handle. Can say Boths builds or destroy relationships/friendships
The brain fog on brakes are shit depending on how active your day is can be tolerable what sucks it’s the frequent space outs and irritability
Idk if other hard users have or do experience this but frequent sleep paralysis no audio or visual hallucinations though
Please please I stress stay hydrated with water or the frequent urination will persist took me months after for it to get better still piss like a racing horse more then usual
Ehhhh depending on diet and fitness I found my self bouncing between 150 to 205 male in his 20s it will knock your hunger sometimes not eating half of the day
Some days finding myself wasting the day away hyper focusing on few things and not finishing them getting distracted
Another part where I messed up at was dosing in the morning I feel my not giving my body time to naturally register and then simply rolling to frequent
Leading up to the ugly I did take a month break but one night the night of clarity was when I started back up took 4 in a day idk how I didn’t od but definitely got serotonin syndrome which was hell lasted a couple days well the side effects
The ugly aka after
Dude the first year was hell I won’t lie mostly mental can’t say I suffered to many physical effects besides easier for body temperature to rise and memory
The first year was almost unbearable I’m a way it feels like a chemical lobotomy no emotions just the most intense extreme sadness sometimes not leaving my room
Weaker vision like in terms I can’t focus on things long like I use to before blurring or higher sensitivity to light/sun
Restless leg syndrome for a couple months and a cloud of anxious feelings Ovr your head like say when you’re in highschool and you get called out after school to fight the next day at lunch
Times of just spacing out staring straight forward
Chills and inconsistent body temperature
Robotic emotional responses noooo not even my favorite songs triggered anything it was just like blabbering in the background while I spaced out
Bad short term memory lost this has gotten better now on year two but memory issues still persist like if I want to remember a fun memory I have to really sit and think also not very vivid as it use to be to described in a story
No interest in simple human interaction such as a short convo improved after half a year clean
alot of light headedness through out day to day task with shortness of breath and heart palpitations but these all have dissipated thank god
It was weird for half a week one pupil was dilated
Frequent urination although has gotten way better i still have to piss more then I use to
This is a shitpost summery I will make a cleaner more detailed description of each part separately but feel free to ask questions below I just didn’t want to keep you guys waiting I’m pretty sure I’m missing some stuff but hey I’ll get it in the full individual post.

My bf and I have been together officially for about 8 months. I noticed that he recently got distant, and I have made a couple of attempts to have a conversation about our relationship, how he feels about it and if it is going anywhere. His response is always along the lines of that he “does not know” and “he is just taking it day by day, / winging it.”
In recent conversations, he has also revealed that he feels I can be “too much,” “too affectionate,” (as he is not very affectionate) and that I ask about our relationship too much. I do not feel I am overly affectionate, I find it odd he never initiates any sort of intimacy..
I also saw a recent text with a friend of his that implied he was going to break up with me, or that he told this friend that he was thinking about ending things, at the very least. So that impacted my trust in the relationship and I have not felt very secure in it. This was a VERY recent conversation, and despite trying to express my feelings and ask him about where things stand (without saying I saw the text) he has just continued to tell me things are fine. Which has been really confusing for me.. Because why tell someone you’re going to end a relationship if you are happy? He has not indicated that anything needs to change.
** I am wondering if I wait for things to change, he did invite me out with his friends and has done things with Me(watch shows together, game, going out to dinners).
Here is a summary of my concerns:
He is never interested in doing things with me, especially my interests. We only do things he would do in his own time or with his friends (ex: golf, bars, certain movie genres)
He never initiates affection, words of affirmation, any love language really. It just makes me feel like he does not like me much. I feel like I have to ask for intimacy
His excuse for this is that “he is not affectionate” but that doesn’t mean he does not care
He never wants to have conversations about our relationship, and has started to get annoyed when I ask for any type of reassurance. (I will say I may have been needing it a bit more since discovering the text, it has made my anxious attachment resurface a bit and I just dont want either of us to be unhappy or be the source of his unhappiness).
I just am not sure how to navigate this, I don’t know if he is just using me at this point, (that is just how it started to feel recently,) .. if I am overthinking, or if he just sees this as more casual than I do? I just wish he would be clear about if he does not see a future, I don’t think it’s wrong at this point to ask if he wants a future with me or not.
TLDR: Partner will not give clear answer as to if there is a future together and does not seem to have any interest in discussing it. Recently I saw a text with his friend implying he wanted to end the relationship but he continues telling me that the relationship is fine. Unsure how to navigate the situation /proceed. I love him and just don't want to be in the dark /limbo if he is "dragging it out" or if the doubts were just an "in the moment" thing

So I'd been hanging out with this artist and DM duo online for quite a while, after meeting Art Lady through her commissions, and I loved her and generally thought the husband was pretty cool most of the time... I joined DM's 5e game, where everyone played as dragons themed after different things, like love, roses, gold, etc, and we could all turn into 'almost' human forms. All seemed pretty cool early on. We even got custom abilities (though DM didn't seem to understand or want to allow my character simply being resistant to cold weather, meanwhile others got some *powerful* abilities)
Dragon forms were powerful, but dragons were hunted in this setting, so there was also an added danger to using them, despite the +10 to ability scores, double HP, breath weapons, multiple melee attacks, and custom abilities. It worked relatively well, honestly, though it certainly had issues, and DM couldn't make up his mind on certain details.
I played a dragon of sunlight and cleric of the Sun, going by the name Monday Bell in her human form; she hated being a dragon and did her best to hide her nature. I enjoyed creating her, and I loved some of the character interactions, but...
DM had some really questionable encounter designs and rulings. It would take forever to explain, but basically it felt like he thought "you can't do anything once X happens" and likely instant-kill musket shots were fun. Yeah... Anyway, I stayed for the characters.
DM was obsessed with PCs being as mechanically different as possible. He didn't allow people to have the same class (including a 1-level dip into Monk just for better AC as an unarmored person), AND... He didn't allow people to have the same... highest ability score. I kid you not. He went so far as to tell casters to base their spells off of different abilities than the rules say (he gave specific options for each class) so there's no twinsies... I really hated this, and I should have dropped out before I joined, when I saw that rule of his.
DM also said that Art Lady and her friend were uncomfortable with my character flirting with theirs... Monday hadn't flirted with anyone. She was vaguely affectionate, putting a hand on someone's arm sometimes, but that was it; that's not flirting. DM claimed I put Art Lady "into a position where she couldn't say no", because... Monday had asked her PC if they could share a hotel room (not a bed!) for a night, when Monday was scared by something earlier. Um... If Art Lady's PC said no, I would've asked the others; it's just that Monday didn't get along with them as well. They were kind of sus, actually.
Side note: I found the flirting accusation extra weird, because I had consensually flirted with Art Lady before (fiancé also saying he was fine with it); I'd think they'd know the difference between flirting and my character being friendly and compassionate. I was baffled.
Then the "saint" issue. For context: DM previously said "there are no gods in this setting, only saints." He defined saints, then said "Or you can worship a heavenly body, a magical place, or mythical creatures". Sounded cool. As a child, I was a closeted lesbian abused by a Christian cult, and I'm still processing some of that trauma, so I squirmed at the word saint, but I can worship the Sun? that sounds cool! I'll be a pretty dragon lady who gets power from the Sun. Awesome. A couple months into the game, DM reveals to me that ALL worship is saint worship; that I MUST worship them to be a cleric, and my Sun worship would in fact be worship of saints who embody aspects of the Sun... This completely invalidates my character concept. He then finally tells me that the campaign contains intentional Christian references. I'm very uncomfortable.
I'm not anti-Christian, but I am very uncomfortable interacting with Christian-specific themes in games. I wasn't the only one either; the paladin was supposed to be an "ocean" worshiper, and was pretty uncomfortable when I mentioned what DM said to me; she didn't want to play a character worshiping "saints" and was pretty uncomfortable with it. This person wasn't in the game for a few sessions, and DM said to her that she couldn't rejoin since it would be narratively awkward after too long, but gave us a different story; I had to get that from her directly. Her coming back didn't work, but replacing us was fine, apparently. Wow.
I did quit the game, but only after the "saint" conversation; DM said I wasn't allowed in his games anymore, but he was allowing me to stay on his Discord server, because "it would be evil" to kick me off. I then saw that DM and Art Lady had left my Discord server without even mentioning it... I then wrote up a long message to the 2 of them carefully explaining how DM had effectively banned me for having religious trauma and (politely) questioning his crazy rules, and that DM had anger issues, communication issues, and a track record of making me cry a few times before, and that I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. But I wished them both to become healthier, less codependent people.
DM then posted on his server that I "was not so friendly" and warned others about me trying to talk to them, as if I was going to do something harmful. This is absurd, as I had expressed not anger, but sadness and pain. I wished they could've been the people I thought they were before I joined that game, but they weren't; they were toxic, codependent crazy people, and DM was a hyper-controlling jerk with some bad anger issues. I'm a little scared for Art Lady, but also, does she want to be independent or functional? She seemed to like relying on DM for everything, which makes me sad; that's not a recipe for a healthy or happy life.
This experience has made me want to be a more lenient GM myself, and I just don't want to tell people no when I don't have to anymore and I want to be more careful about boundaries/triggers than that guy was, but I don't want to say yes to things that don't fit the game world. I'm trying to find the right balance, and oh, I am galvanized after that.
I hope this story encourages others to watch for these sort of issues in games they join.

My daughter and I really need help our neighbors had just moved in a a few days later took off leaving their dog in back yard for over a week no food water or shelter we live in the desert rosamond where it gets very hot cold and windy at night was 40 with winds 30 to 50 mph the dog would bark and cry all night animal control came out on the 5th day that i had noticed they had been gone but i know they were gone even before that but they came out two times on a monday put a notice on the people's door said they be back the next day and ask my daughter and i to feed the dog food and water which we did the dog was so hungry ate 3 big bowls food in a couple mins drank a big bowl of water tue the 2 nd day animal control came out again put another notice on the door told me they be back tomorrow and after putting the 3rd notice on wed that wed night or thur am they were going to come impound the dog and never let the owners get the dog back for neglect abandonment and violating 2 cal penal codes i beg them not to take the dog i didn't want it to be put down the animal control said if a neighbor or rescue can watch the dog till owners get back it be better then dog going to shelter so my daughter and i looked online tried to contact real estate and property management co that rented them the house so they could call the owners and ask them to call me regarding their dog which we weren't able to find who rented them the house so another neighbor said she would come wed afternoon before the animal control can't take dog till they got back the girl brought leash took the dog the neighbors came back late wed night and i got a knock on my door early thur am waking me up so i figure they were back looking dog i called girl said they are home bring dog back she said ok get their phone number i'll call tell them i got dog and i'm bringing it back and she ask me not to tell them she took it in fear they would be mad and beat her up so when i answers i told the girl i don't have the dog i'm sure neighbor does give me your number and i'll find the neighbor who has your dog and no one wants to steal the dog or take it the girl called neighbor right away brought dog back right away then i get a knock on my door the neighbor girl and husband said why i take dog i said i didn't a neighbor was watching it till you got home i tried to explain the whole situation to them the man didn't want to hear it just yelled cussed me out saying he was calling cops on me even though they were standing there with dog i said we only feed wanted to make sure you didn't get your dog taken away cops came of course animal control didn't tell cops scar they told me because he was in trouble for not taking dog day one if i was lying about what animal control told me i would never ask the cops to verify it with them then the rookie cop ask the neighbor he wanted to press charges he said yes and i was arrested then they lied saying it was a pure breed dog worth 5300 i have pics proof it's not they were just trying to make charges higher yet they had dog back my daughter seeing me put in a police car and the neighbors laughing and saying enjoy jail got so upset said i took dog was yelling at neighbors just to go to jail with me we spent 24 hrs in jail and now have to go to court 5/23 mojave superior court for theft of a dog when there was no theft they had the dog we were only trying save it's life do what animal control said and as soon they got home give them their dog if anyone can please know of anyone who can help us thank you