Megapost: A list of statements, press releases, and other sources reporting and expressing concern and criticism about Israel's war in Gaza and related aspects of the war. (Part 4)

Notes: This is a work that is currently in progress; please check back for updates. Titles have been edited to provide details.
Part 1 is here: https://www.reddit.com/Social_Democracy/comments/1clx1uc/megapost_a_list_of_statements_press_releases_and/
Part 2 is here: https://www.reddit.com/Social_Democracy/comments/1cmjhpk/megapost_a_list_of_statements_press_releases_and/
Part 3 is here: https://www.reddit.com/Social_Democracy/comments/1coups2/megapost_a_list_of_statements_press_releases_and/
Refugee Council of Australia: Our Letter to the Prime Minister regarding the Israel and Gaza Crisis (April 26, 2024): https://www.refugeecouncil.org.au/letter-israel-and-gaza-crisis/
Statement in solidarity with student protests for Gaza [Signed by: 350.org US; 18 Million Rising; 198 methods; Adalah Justice Project; Addameer Prisoner Support and Human Rights Association; AF3IRM; Afghans For A Better Tomorrow; Al-Haq; Alliance of Baptists; American Baptist Churches USA; American Baptist Churches Palestine Israel Network; American Friends Service Committee; American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee (ADC); American Muslim Bar Association; American Muslim Community Foundation; American Muslims for Palestine (AMP); Americans for Justice in Palestine Action (AJP Action); Arab American Civic Council; Arab American Institute; Asian American Advocacy Fund; Better to Speak; Beyt Tikkun: A Synagogue without Walls; Black Lives of Unitarian Universalism (BLUU); Blue Future; Borderlands for Equity; Borderlands Resource Initiative; Breach Collective; Brooklyn For Peace; CAIR Action; CAIR California; CAIR Minnesota; CAIR Oklahoma; CAIR-WA; California Coalition for Women Prisoners; Cameroon American Council; Carceral Tech Resistance Network; Ceasefire Democrats; Ceasefire Now NJ; Center for Constitutional Rights; Center for Popular Democracy Action; Center for Protest Law & Litigation @ Partnership for Civil Justice Fund; Chicago Area Peace Action; Chicago Faith Coalition on Middle East Policy; Christians for a Free Palestine; Civic Ark; Civil Liberties Defense Center; Clockshop; CommonDefense.us; Communities United for Status & Protection (CUSP); Council on American-Islamic Relations; CWA-News Guild Local 38010; Defending Rights & Dissent; Delaware Democratic Socialists of America; Delawareans for Palestinian Human Rights; Detention Watch Network; Disciples Palestine Israel Network; Diverse & Revolutionary Unitarian Universalist Multicultural Ministries (DRUUMM); Doctors Against Genocide; Dream Defenders; Dutch Scholars for Palestine; Eindhoven Students 4 Palestine; Emgage Action; En Conjunto; Episcopal Peace Fellowship-Palestine Israel Network; Faith for Black Lives; Faith in Texas; Fellowship of Reconciliation; Fight for the Future; For All; Freedom Farm Community; Freedom Oklahoma; Freedom To Thrive; Friends of Sabeel North America (FOSNA); Future Coalition; Gen-Z for Change; Gender Justice Action and Gender Justice; Get Free; Global Campaign to Reclaim People's Sovereignty, Dismantle Corporate Power & Stop Impunity; Green Mountain Solidarity With Palestine; Green New Deal Network; Greenpeace USA; Hawai'i for Palestine; Health Justice Commons; Helena (Montana) Service for Peace and Justice; Highlander Research and Education Center; Hindus for Human Rights; Historians for Peace and Democracy; Human Dignity Project (THDP); IfNotNow Movement; IfNotNow New Jersey; Immigrant Defense Project; Immigrant Justice Network; Immigrants Act Now; Indian American Muslim Council (IAMC); Indiana Center for Middle East Peace; Institute for Policy Studies New Internationalism Project; Interfaith Ceasefire; International Jewish Anti-Zionist Network; International Mayan League; InterReligious Task Force on Central America; Iowans For Palestine; Islamic Society of North America (ISNA); Islamophobia Studies Center; Israel/Palestine Mission Network of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.); Jewish Voice for Peace; Jewish Voice for Peace-Hawai’i; Jews For Racial & Economic Justice (JFREJ); Just Foreign Policy; Justice Democrats; Just Futures Law; Justice for All; Kairos USA; Libyan American Alliance; LittleSis / Public Accountability Initiative; Living Water Inclusive Catholic Community; Long Island Progressive Coalition; Make the Road Nevada; Malaya Georgia; Massachusetts Peace Action; Mennonite Action; Mennonite Action WA; Migrant Roots Media; Minnesota Peace Project; Mondoweiss; Movement for Black Lives; MPower Change Action Fund; MSA West; Muslim Advocates; Muslim Community Network; Muslim Counterpublics Lab; Muslim Power Building Project; Muslims for Just Futures; Muslims for Progressive Values; National Arab American Women’s Association (NAAWA); National Domestic Workers Alliance Staff Union, CWA Local 1180; National Iranian American Council; National Lawyers Guild; National Lawyers Guild - St. Louis Chapter; National Network for Immigrant and Refugee Rights (NNIRR); National Partnership for New Americans; New Hampshire Veterans for Peace; New York City Veterans For Peace; The New Justice Project Minnesota; NH Peace Action; North American Students of Cooperation; No Separate Justice; North Carolina Peace Action; The Oakland Institute; Office of Peace, Justice, and Ecological Integrity/Sisters of Charity of Saint Elizabeth; Our Revolution; Palestine American League; Palestine Legal; Palestinian American Community Center; Palestinian American Organizations Network (PAON); Palestinian Feminist Collective; Partners for Palestine; Pax Christi New Jersey; Pax Christi New York State; Pax Christi Pacific Northwest; Pax Christi USA; Peace Action; Peace Action New York State; Peace, Justice, Sustainability NOW!; Pediatricians for Palestine; People’s Action; PeoplesHub; Poverty Project at the Institute for Policy Studies; Presbyterian Church (USA), Office of Public Witness; Presbyterian Peace Fellowship; Progressive Democrats of America (PDA); Project ANAR; Project South; Rachel Corrie Foundation for Peace and Justice; Reparation Education Project; Reviving the Islamic Sisterhood for Empowerment; Rise for Palestine; Rising Majority; Rising Tide North America; Rochester Committee on Latin America; RootsAction Education Fund; Sabeel Ecumenical Liberation Theology Centre; Sacramento Regional Coalition for Palestinian Rights; Sound Vision; Starr King School for the Ministry; Students and Faculty for Justice in Palestine at the University of Hawai’i (SFJP); Sunrise Movement; Sur Legal Collaborative; TakeAction Minnesota; Tech Justice Law Project; The Gathering for Justice; The Hague Peace Projects; The Social Justice Center; The Uncommitted National Movement; The Whatcom Peace and Justice Center; Transnational Institute; UndocuBlack Network; Unitarian Universalist Association; Unitarian Universalist Church of the Larger Fellowship; Unitarian Universalist College of Social Justice; Unitarian Universalist Justice Ministry of North Carolina; Unitarian Universalist Mass Action; Unitarian Universalist Peace Ministry Network; Unitarian Universalist Service Committee; Unitarian Universalist Young Adults for Climate Justice (UUYACJ); Unitarian Universalists for Justice in the Middle East; United Church of Christ Palestine Israel Network; United Methodists for Kairos Response (UMKR); United Voices for America; Until Freedom; US Campaign for Palestinian Rights; Veterans For Peace; We Are All America; Wellstone Democratic Renewal Club; Wind of the Spirit Immigrant Resource Center; Women's Institute for Freedom of the Press; Working Families Party; World BEYOND War; Young Democrats of America Black Caucus; Young Democrats of America Environmental Caucus; Youth Leadership Institute] (April 26-29, 2024): https://www.mpowerchange.org/gazastudentprotests & https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdhlWqDQghbVaPb6K7coBoi0o3w1YDfmrPOSbUw5bqNKEnrhg/viewform
Tom Hurwitz: I was arrested protesting at Columbia in ’68. Today’s student encampments carry on a proud, brave tradition: Like the Vietnam War was nearly six decades ago, to many students, Israel’s assault on Gaza feels deeply personal (April 26, 2024): https://forward.com/opinion/607021/columbia-1968-protests-vietnam-gaza-wa
‘We demand an immediate ceasefire in Gaza’ – First Minister of Northern Ireland Michelle O’Neill tells major London demo (April 27, 2024): https://vote.sinnfein.ie/we-demand-an-immediate-ceasefire-in-gaza-oneill-tells-major-london-demo/
Nineteen American Sociological Association Presidents Endorse the Resolution for Justice in Palestine (April 28, 2024): https://www.sociologistsforpalestine.org & https://docs.google.com/document/d/1t-z9OTPbl5JB9_sKnFOqAl-bQV78qZ-SFvjjjMrPUgY/
Robert Reich, former U.S. Secretary of Labor under Bill Clinton: Brief thoughts on the wave of campus protests across America (April 28, 2024): https://robertreich.substack.com/p/my-thoughts-on-the-wave-of-campus
We’re Jewish students at Columbia arrested for protesting Israel’s war (April 28, 2024): https://thehill.com/opinion/education/4626720-were-jewish-students-at-columbia-arrested-for-protesting-israels-wa
American Association of University Professors: In Defense of the Right to Free Speech and Peaceful Protest on University Campuses (April 29, 2024): https://www.aaup.org/media-release/defense-right-free-speech-and-peaceful-protest-university-campuses
Anat Saragusti: Israeli media’s inevitable hysteria over U.S. campus protests: The media’s unbending self-censorship in covering Gaza has made Israelis incapable of seeing foreign criticism as anything other than antisemitism. (April 29, 2024): https://www.972mag.com/campus-protests-gaza-us-students/
Attorneys inside and outside the administration urge Biden to cut off arms to Israel: So far more than 90 lawyers have signed on to a legal letter alleging Israel’s conduct in Gaza violates U.S. and international law. (April 29, 2024): https://www.politico.com/news/2024/04/29/lawyers-israel-arm-sales-biden-00154958
Lemkin Institute for Genocide Prevention: Statement in Support of Students, Faulty at Columbia University (April 29, 2024): https://www.lemkininstitute.com/statements-new-page/statement-in-support-of-students%2C-faulty-at-columbia-university
Mary Lawlor, UN Special Rapporteur on Human Rights Defenders: "I'm hearing disturbing reports that students face suspension if they don’t end their peaceful protests in #Columbiauniversity in the USA. This is a clear violation of their right to peaceful assembly" (April 29, 2024): https://twitter.com/MaryLawlorhrds/status/1785020792197038101
Cas Mudde: Why are US campuses facing an orgy of state repression in the ‘land of the free’? The right has painted nonviolent protests against the war on Gaza as hotbeds of ‘woke’ terrorism. It’s a pretext for repression (April 30, 2024): https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/ap30/us-campus-peace-protests-overreaction-gaza
Joint letter to President Biden on humanitarian risk of Rafah operation in Gaza [Signed by: 350.org; ActionAid USA; Alliance of Baptists; American Friends of Combatants for Peace; American Friends Service Committee; Americares; Amnesty International USA; CARE; Charity & Security Network; Children in Conflict; Christian Aid; Churches for Middle East Peace (CMEP); Center for American Progress; Center for Civilians in Conflict; Center for International Policy; Church World Service; DAWN; Demand Progress Education Fund; Evangelical Lutheran Church in America; Humanity & Inclusion; IM Swedish Development Partners; Indivisible; Islamic Relief USA; Islamic Relief Worldwide; KinderUSA; Maryknoll Office for Global Concerns; MedGlobal; Médecins du Monde / Doctors of the World International Network; Mennonite Central Committee; Middle East Democracy Center; Minnesota Peace Project; MoveOn; Nonviolent Peaceforce; Norwegian Refugee Council USA; Oxfam America; Pax Christi USA; Premiere Urgence Internationale; Presbyterian Church (USA), Office of Public Witness; Refugees International; Save the Children US; SEIU; The Episcopal Church; The Tahrir Institute for Middle East Policy (TIMEP); The United Methodist Church – General Board of Church and Society; Truman Center; Vento di Terra; Win Without War] (April 30, 2024): https://www.nrc.no/news/2024/may/joint-letter-to-president-biden-on-potential-incursion-into-rafah-gaza/
Latino students are key part of pro-Palestine encampment protests (April 30, 2024): https://www.axios.com/2024/04/30/college-encampments-ceasefire-gaza-latino-students
Michael Gould-Wartofsky: Trump Is Wrong. Columbia Isn’t Anything Like Charlottesville: I survived the deadly violence in Charlottesville, and am now a postdoctoral research scholar at Columbia University. To compare the two is unwarranted—and unconscionable. (April 30, 2024): https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-is-wrong-columbia-isnt-anything-like-charlottesville
United Church of Christ Officers issue statement amid ongoing unrest on college campuses; offer continued solidarity with partners and people in the Middle East (April 30, 2024): https://www.ucc.org/ucc-officers-issue-statement-amid-ongoing-unrest-on-college-campuses/
United States of America: UN Human Rights Chief troubled by law enforcement actions against protesters at universities (April 30, 2024): https://www.ohchr.org/en/press-releases/2024/04/united-states-america-un-human-rights-chief-troubled-law-enforcement-actions
A Statement From Jewish Faculty, Staff, Students, and Alumni Regarding Indiana University's Treatment of Student Protesters ["Actions are being taken in our name, without our consent or request. Such actions, especially those by the administration, often directly contradict the facts we see daily on the ground at campus. We condemn the actions taken by the administration, ISP, and IUPD against the students protesting on Dunn Meadow."] (May 1, 2024): https://bloomingtonian.com/2024/05/01/a-statement-from-jewish-faculty-staff-students-and-alumni-regarding-iustreatment-of-student-protesters/
Charles H.F. Davis III, Jude Paul Dizon, Jessica Hatrick, and Vanessa Miller: Police Repression Is the Problem, Not the Solution (May 1, 2024): https://www.insidehighered.com/opinion/views/2024/05/01/police-repression-problem-not-solution-opinion
Comment from United Auto Workers President Shawn Fain on Mass Arrests of Anti-War Protestors (May 1, 2024): https://uaw.org/comment-from-uaw-president-shawn-fain-on-mass-arrests-of-anti-war-protestors/
Fellowship of Reconciliation Stands in Solidarity with the Students (May 1, 2024): https://forusa.org/fellowship-of-reconciliation-stands-in-solidarity-with-the-students/
Juan González, Veteran of '68 Columbia Strike, Condemns University Leaders' Silence on Gaza Slaughter (May 1, 2024): https://www.democracynow.org/2024/5/1/police_raid_columbia_2024_juan_gonzalez
Mike Littwin: As a veteran of the ’60s campus unrest, I know the value of free speech: Despite what you may hear, most of today’s campus demonstrations, including the one at Auraria, are typically nonviolent. (May 1, 2024): https://coloradosun.com/2024/05/01/israel-gaza-student-demonstrations-opinion-littwin/
On Gaza, NY Catholic Worker community echoes Pope Francis: 'Please! Stop the war.' (May 1, 2024): https://www.ncronline.org/opinion/guest-voices/gaza-ny-catholic-worker-community-echoes-pope-francis-please-stop-war
Senator Bernie Sanders: The billionaires who fund AIPAC are not only concerned about protecting Israel's actions in Gaza — they also want to protect corporate interests. That's why they are targeting progressive lawmakers who stand up for the working class and take on powerful special interests. (May 1, 2024): https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/1785684580265074707
Syriac Maronite Archbishops denounce military escalation in southern Lebanon, condemn Israeli actions in Gaza and West Bank (May 1, 2024): https://syriacpress.com/blog/2024/01/05/syriac-maronite-archbishops-denounce-military-escalation-in-southern-lebanon-condemn-israeli-actions-in-gaza-and-west-bank/
The Democratic National Committee's College Democrats of America Slams Biden On Gaza And Backs Campus Protesters (May 1, 2024): https://www.huffpost.com/entry/college-democrats-of-america-statement-biden-gaza-campus-protest_n_663278fce4b0849b2edded55
Tope Folarin, director of the Institute for Policy Studies: We Stand with the Students Protesting the Slaughter in Gaza (May 1, 2024): https://ips-dc.org/we-stand-with-the-students-protesting-the-slaughter-in-gaza/
'You are our hope': Palestinian students find strength in U.S. campus protests: “I feel proud that there is a group of students who feel what we feel now — and are helping and supporting us,” said Reem Musa Suleiman Abu Shinar, speaking to an NBC News crew in the city of Rafah in southern Gaza. (May 1, 2024): https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/palestinian-students-support-us-campus-protests-israel-war-rcna149296
Bernie Sanders in CNN interview: 'This may be Biden’s Vietnam' (May 2, 2024): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6rQmvko18M
Catholic Relief Services representative for Gaza fears possible Rafah invasion (May 2, 2024): https://www.ncronline.org/news/catholic-relief-services-rep-gaza-fears-possible-rafah-invasion
‘Disgrace to diplomacy’: Bosnia accuses Israeli diplomat of genocide denial: Envoy to Serbia draws intense criticism for telling Russian media that calling 1995 Srebrenica massacre a genocide ‘diminishes the importance of that term’ (May 2, 2024): https://www.timesofisrael.com/disgrace-to-diplomacy-bosnia-accuses-israeli-diplomat-of-genocide-denial/
Gazans thank US university protesters as Israel calls for students to be expelled (May 2, 2024): https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/01/middleeast/gaza-children-thank-us-protesters-intl-latam/index.html
Helen Benedict, professor of journalism at Columbia University: ‘US student protests seeking peace in Gaza are the new anti-Vietnam War movement’ (May 2, 2024): https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/us-student-protests-seeking-peace-in-gaza-are-the-new-anti-vietnam-war-movement/articleshow/109766893.cms
Hundreds of U.S. Catholic leaders and laity sign letter urging Permanent Gaza Ceasefire and End to Injustice in Israel and Palestine (May 2, 2024): https://cmep.salsalabs.org/ps-may22024 & https://docs.google.com/document/d/16K1RvL3YdSgSChwO_eWB9iSvIglNP59ahqtAQ1aZiGM/
PREPARED REMARKS: Senator Bernie Sanders on the Nationwide Student Protests and the Ongoing Humanitarian Disaster in Gaza (May 2, 2024): https://www.sanders.senate.gov/press-releases/prepared-remarks-sanders-on-the-nationwide-student-protests-and-the-ongoing-humanitarian-disaster-in-gaza/
Recalling Civil Rights Era Abuses, Legal Defense Fund of the NAACP Roundly Condemns Rising Violations Against Peaceful Protesters and Calls for Immediate Federal Intervention ["Today, the Legal Defense Fund (LDF) issued a statement roundly and unequivocally condemning the rising civil and human rights violations against peaceful protesters across the U.S. and issued a letter calling for the Department of Justice (DOJ) to conduct an immediate investigation into the treatment of peaceful protesters" (May 2, 2024): https://www.naacpldf.org/press-release/recalling-civil-rights-era-abuses-ldf-roundly-condemns-rising-violations-against-peaceful-protesters-and-calls-for-immediate-federal-intervention/
United Nations Development Programme: As war in Gaza enters seventh month, 1.74 million more Palestinians will be pushed into poverty across State of Palestine according to United Nations assessment: UNDP and ESCWA estimate more than two-decades reversal in human development— beyond earliest recorded levels of 2004. (May 2, 2024): https://www.undp.org/papp/press-releases/war-gaza-enters-seventh-month-174-million-more-palestinians-will-be-pushed-poverty-across-state-palestine-according-united
“Workers Have Power”: Thousands Rally in NYC for May Day, Call for Solidarity with Palestine (May 2, 2024): https://www.democracynow.org/2024/5/2/nyc_may_day_rally_palestine_solidarity
A Message to the Protesters From Reverend Jesse L. Jackson, Sr.: A call to keep raising the tempests on campus over the Gazan horror. (May 3, 2024): https://chicagomaroon.com/42811/viewpoints/op-ed/a-message-to-the-protesters-from-reverend-jesse-l-jackson-s
Association of Flight Attendants President Sara Nelson on Mass Arrest of Anti-War Protestors (May 3, 2024): https://www.afacwa.org/mass_arrest_right_to_protest
Rashid Khalidi, Professor of Arab Studies at Columbia University: Opposed to Genocide in Gaza, This Is the Conscience of a Nation Speaking Through Your Kids (May 3, 2024): https://www.commondreams.org/opinion/rashid-khalidi-columbia-gaza-speech
“This Militaristic Approach Has Been a Failure”: Meet Hala Rharrit, First U.S. Diplomat to Quit over Gaza (May 3, 2024): https://www.democracynow.org/2024/5/3/state_dept
Where pro-Palestinian university protests are happening around the world (May 3, 2024): https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/03/world/pro-palestinian-university-protests-worldwide-intl-hnk/index.html
100-year-old Jewish activist Jules Rabin is speaking up again — this time about Gaza [In a podcast on the nonprofit news site VT Digger, Rabin referred to the tragedy unfolding in Gaza as “a piecemeal Holocaust.”] (May 4, 2024): https://forward.com/culture/609442/jules-rabin-vermont-activism-gaza-ukraine-israel/
Israel will not agree to end the war with Hamas as part of any deal [“Israel will under no circumstances agree to the end of the war as part of an agreement to release our abductees," an Israeli official told ABC News on Saturday morning. "As the political echelon decided, the IDF will enter Rafah and destroy the remaining Hamas battalions there - whether or not there will be a temporary ceasefire for the release of our hostages."] (May 4, 2024): https://abcnews.go.com/International/live-updates/israel-hamas-cease-fire-talks/israel-will-not-agree-to-end-the-war-with-hamas-as-part-of-any-deal-109924741?id=109734705
Roseann "Chic" Canfora survived the 1970 Kent State shooting. Here's her message to student activists (May 4, 2024): https://www.npr.org/2024/05/04/1249023924/kent-state-shooting-activists-protests-survivor
‘They’re sending a message’: harsh police tactics questioned amid US campus protest crackdowns (May 4, 2024): https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/may/04/police-tactics-us-campus-protest-crackdowns
Anton Boonzaier: As a South African during apartheid, I admire pro-Palestine protesters’ tenacity (May 5, 2024): https://dailybruin.com/2024/05/05/op-ed-as-a-south-african-during-apartheid-i-admire-pro-palestine-protesters-tenacity
Committee to Protect Journalists condemns Israeli vote to shut down Al Jazeera; warns of alarming precedent (May 5, 2024): https://cpj.org/2024/05/cpj-condemns-israeli-vote-to-shut-down-al-jazeera-warns-of-alarming-precedent/
Union workers join students in rallies Saturday calling for a permanent ceasefire in Gaza [More than 200 people attended the Maine Labor for Palestine and Maine Students for Palestine rally.] (May 5, 2024): https://www.mainepublic.org/news/2024-05-05/union-workers-join-students-in-rallies-saturday-to-free-gaza
Oxfam reaction to Rafah evacuation order (May 6, 2024): https://www.oxfam.org/en/press-releases/oxfam-reaction-rafah-evacuation-order
Patrick Gaspard, president of the Center for American Progress: American politicians forget: disruption and disorder are the point of protests: I have trespassed in peaceful protest. I have shut down government offices in civil disobedience. I have made the powerful uncomfortable. That’s the point (May 6, 2024): https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/article/2024/may/06/campus-pro-palestinian-protests
Save the Children warns of deadly consequences for children following new relocation orders for families in Rafah (May 6, 2024): https://www.savethechildren.net/news/save-children-warns-deadly-consequences-children-following-new-relocation-orders-families-rafah
The campus protesters for Gaza are making America great again: Readers on the demonstrations sweeping colleges and their hopes for the next generation. (May 6, 2024): https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2024/05/06/campus-protests-gaza-palestine-vietnam/
United Nations International Children's Emergency Fund (UNICEF): There is ‘nowhere safe to go’ for the 600,000 children of Rafah, warns UNICEF: With hundreds of thousands of children in Rafah injured, sick, malnourished, traumatized or living with a disability, UNICEF calls for children to not be forcibly relocated, and the vital infrastructure on which children rely to be protected (May 6, 2024): https://www.unicef.org/press-releases/there-nowhere-safe-go-600000-children-rafah-warns-unicef
US campus protests of Israeli ‘genocide’ offer hope to students from Gaza (May 6, 2024): https://www.aljazeera.com/features/2024/5/6/us-student-protests-of-israeli-genocide-offer-hope-to-students-from-gaza
Brant Rosen: We Tried to Bring Food Into Gaza—but Israel Blocked and Arrested Us: As Israel continues to starve the people of Gaza, a delegation of rabbis marched toward the Erez Crossing during Passover carrying sacks of flour and demanding a cease-fire. (May 6, 2024): https://www.thenation.com/article/world/rabbis-arrested-for-bringing-food-gaza/
Catholic Workers Movement: After Arrests, Students Renew Call for Notre Dame to Follow Catholic Teaching on War, Investments (May 6, 2024): https://catholicworker.org/after-arrests-students-renew-call-for-notre-dame-to-follow-catholic-teaching-on-war-investments/
Hala Rharrit, former State Department official: Biden’s militaristic policy in Gaza is a failure — diplomacy is the solution (May 6, 2024): https://thehill.com/opinion/white-house/4646237-biden-gaza-militaristic-policy-failure/
750+ Jewish Students Affirm Support for Pro-Palestine Campus Protests [In Response to Biden’s Speech, 750+ Jewish Students on 140+ Campuses Stand Against Israel's Rafah Invasion, Urge Jewish Institutional Action to Halt Gaza Assault] (May 7, 2024): https://www.commondreams.org/news/jewish-students-support-gaza & https://mailchi.mp/israelpalestinecomms/jstudents
American Friends Service Committee: T­h­e C­o­m­p­a­n­i­e­s P­r­o­f­i­t­i­n­g f­r­o­m I­s­r­a­e­l­’­s 2­0­2­3­-­2­0­2­4 A­t­t­a­c­k­s o­n G­a­z­a (Updated on May 7, 2024): https://afsc.org/gaza-genocide-companies
‘I am leaving for the unknown.’ Palestinians fleeing Rafah describe their fear and despair (May 7, 2024): https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/06/middleeast/palestinians-flee-rafah-gaza-fear-despair-intl-hnk/index.html
Kenneth Roth: Biden Should Not Stand in the Way of the ICC (May 7, 2024): https://foreignpolicy.com/2024/05/07/biden-israel-hamas-icc-gaza-netanyahu-arrest/
Letter by Ch. Lt Col (Ret.) Stephen Tillett to the Editor: Veteran Calls for Ceasefire in Gaza (May 7, 2024): https://baltimorepostexaminer.com/letter-to-the-editor-veteran-calls-for-ceasefire-in-gaza/2024/05/07
Three Orange County medics describe wartime health care in Gaza: A once-modern string of hospitals has been reduced to desperate physicians and others relying on wits and luck. Most of their patients are children. (May 7, 2024): https://www.ocregister.com/2024/05/07/three-orange-county-medics-describe-wartime-health-care-in-gaza/
ACLU’s national director of policy and government affairs Mike Zamore and ACLU senior policy counsel Kia Hamadanchy: A disturbing national security bill could silence nonprofits and college protests (May 8, 2024): https://thehill.com/opinion/national-security/4651053-a-disturbing-national-security-bill-could-silence-nonprofits-and-college-protests/
Al Jazeera shutdown in Israel spells 'dark day for democracy,' say media groups (May 8, 2024): https://www.voanews.com/a/al-jazeera-shutdown-in-israel-spells-dark-day-for-democracy-say-media-groups/7603956.html
Blinken Says Israeli Units Accused of Serious Violations Have Done Enough to Avoid Sanctions. Experts and Insiders Disagree. (May 8, 2024): https://www.propublica.org/article/blinken-israel-military-aid-human-rights-violations-leahy-law
Jeremy Brecher: Anti-Genocide Students Are Fulfilling Their Duty to Prevent War Crimes; Will You? (May 8, 2024): https://www.commondreams.org/opinion/students-prevent-war-crimes
Senator Bernie Sanders Statement on Biden’s Hold on Bomb Delivery to Netanyahu’s Government (May 8, 2024): https://www.sanders.senate.gov/press-releases/news-sanders-statement-on-bidens-hold-on-bomb-delivery-to-netanyahus-government/
The NYPD’s New Sizzle Reels Aren’t Just Dumb. They’re Dangerous. “This is copaganda, designed primarily to provide the mayor with political cover, but then also to show off the military might and alleged professionalism of the NYPD.” (May 8, 2024): https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2024/05/nypd-sizzle-reel-student-protests/
Haim Bresheeth-Žabner deplores the rot in Israeli society: 'Israel has turned into a Nazi society': The son of Holocaust survivors, Haim Bresheeth-Žabner believes the majority of Israel has been taught to normalise the occupation of Palestine (May 9, 2024): https://www.newarab.com/features/son-shoah-survivors-israel-has-become-nazi-society
‘It’s not human’: What a French doctor saw in Gaza as Israel invaded Rafah: When asked about the conditions of the hospitals he worked in, Dr. Zouhair Lahna is pained by the memories of the sick, wounded and dying. (May 9, 2024): https://www.aljazeera.com/features/2024/5/9/its-not-human-what-a-french-doctor-saw-in-gaza-as-israel-invaded-rafah
Japanese American Citizens League Calls for Ceasefire in Gaza (May 9, 2024): https://jacl.org/statements/jacl-calls-for-ceasefire-in-gaza
Republicans Funded by Arms Industry Fume Over Biden Threat to Withhold Bombs From Israel (May 9, 2024): https://www.commondreams.org/news/republicans-israel-weapons
Senator Bernie Sanders Statement on Israel’s Threat to Attack Rafah (May 9, 2024): https://www.sanders.senate.gov/press-releases/news-sanders-statement-on-israels-threat-to-attack-rafah/
Trapped in Rafah, I'm watching genocide unfold before my eyes: Gazan journalist Amjad Yaghi's eye-witness account in Rafah describes the horrors of Israel's ground invasion as Gazans desperately try to flee to safety. (May 9, 2024): https://www.newarab.com/opinion/trapped-rafah-im-witnessing-genocide-my-own-eyes
76 Universities in Spain Suspend Ties With Complicit Israeli Universities (May 10, 2024): https://bdsmovement.net/news/76-universities-spain-suspend-ties-with-complicit-israeli-universities
Armed Conflict Location and Event Data Project: US Student Pro-Palestine Demonstrations Remain Overwhelmingly Peaceful (May 10, 2024): https://acleddata.com/2024/05/10/us-student-pro-palestine-demonstrations-remain-overwhelmingly-peaceful-acled-brief/
Biden’s arms threat to Israel ‘better than nothing’ but too late, say U.S. officials who resigned over Gaza policy (May 10, 2024): https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/bidens-arms-threat-israel-better-nothing-late-say-us-officials-resigne-rcna151454
Israel’s genocidal war in Gaza must end’ – Sinn Féin Chairperson Declan Kearney tells Global Anti-Apartheid Conference on Palestine (May 10, 2024): https://vote.sinnfein.ie/israels-genocidal-war-in-gaza-must-end-kearney-tells-global-anti-apartheid-conference-on-palestine/
Rick Salutin: I protested at Columbia in 1968 and today’s campus protests give me hope (May 10, 2024): https://www.thestar.com/opinion/contributors/i-protested-at-columbia-in-1968-and-todays-campus-protests-give-me-hope/article_a505c180-0e32-11ef-9615-e3f88eb6e034.html
Senator Bernie Sanders Statement on Rafah (May 10, 2024): https://www.sanders.senate.gov/press-releases/news-sanders-statement-on-rafah/
Strapped down, blindfolded, held in diapers: Israeli whistleblowers detail abuse of Palestinians in shadowy detention center (May 10, 2024): https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/10/middleeast/israel-sde-teiman-detention-whistleblowers-intl-cmd/index.html
U.S. medical volunteers in Rafah hospital say they've never seen a worse health crisis (May 10, 2024): https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2024/05/10/1250490688/rafa-hospital-gaza-israel-war-middle-east
Pro-Israel website ramps up attacks on pro-Palestinian student protesters (May 11, 2024): https://www.reuters.com/world/name-shame-pro-israel-website-ramps-up-attacks-pro-palestinian-student-2024-05-11/
Sen. Lindsey Graham says Israel should do 'whatever' it has to while comparing the war in Gaza to Hiroshima and Nagasaki: The GOP senator compared Israel’s military operations to the U.S. dropping atomic bombs on Japan in World War II, saying, “Israel, do whatever you have to do.” (May 12, 2024): https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/sen-lindsey-graham-says-israel-whatever-comparing-war-gaza-hiroshima-n-rcna151828
‘Total outrage’: White House condemns Israeli settlers’ attack on Gaza aid trucks: Protesters block convoy, throw food into road and set fire to vehicles at Tarqumiya checkpoint near Hebron (May 13, 2024): https://www.theguardian.com/world/article/2024/may/13/total-outrage-white-house-condemns-israeli-settlers-attack-on-gaza-aid-convoy

Hello all I need advice, I feel blindsided. My husband of 16years informed me he feels like I'm not right for him at this stage in his life. We have 3 kids 12-8. We decided to get counselling which he was ok. A few days ago I was looking through Amazon account and noticed some sex toys have been bought which I didn't know anything about. Further investigation showed he has an amazon mailbox he has been using. I checked Airbnb turns out he booked a room with a woman a few months ago. Also my son also saw some videos of a woman on his phone. he was looking for a bank account we set up for him. Now I have enough evidence to confront him but I'm not sure how to go about this. We have a therapist, should I confront him during the therapy appointment or on my own? I'm not sure what I want to do but I want to find out why he is cheating and decide from there. Also I want to leave my son out but he is hurt and I think he wants to confront his Dad but not sure if that's a good idea, he says his Dad is a hypocrite we are Christians (I agree of course, my heart is hurting so much) Thanks

I plea to all of you with partitions for the lord to trust in christ, and trust in his word. Luke 6:38 "give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”
So find a prayer group and encourage and remind each of scripture and help each other with all your issues and God is good to help you for your efforts and trust.
Yet dont forget Luke 6:39 so remember to keep your encouragement on sound doctrine.
Also pray for each other their.

Hey all, I understand this is a topic people don’t usually like to talk about, but I’m undergoing some discernment in my life rn. Getting married in about 1.5 weeks, and not sure what the right move is in terms of contraception. I’ve grown up Catholic my whole life and the church tends to believe that contraception is sinful because you’re taking the natural purpose of procreation away from sex and controlling it yourself. Recently my fiance and I had a pre-marital couples counseling with her Protestant grandparents and they enlightened me that it’s not wrong in their eyes for most contraceptives. I understand the Catholic viewpoint, but it’s also confusing to me why it’s Catholics that only believe this and it seems like 90% of Christian’s aren’t against contraceptives that prevent conception. I want to hear what everyone has to say because I’m trying to discern what’s right and wrong and what to do. Thank you!

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weather, web, website, wedding, week, weekend, weekly, weigh, weight, welcome, welfare, well, west, western, wet, what, whatever, wheel, when, whenever, where, whereas, whether, which, while, whisper, white, who, whole, whom, whose, why, wide, widely, widespread, wife, wild, wildlife, will, willing, win, wind, window, wine, wing, winner, winter, wipe, wire, wisdom, wise, wish, with, withdraw, within, without, witness, woman, wonder, wonderful, wood, wooden, word, work, worker, working, workout, workplace, works, workshop, world, worried, worry, worth, would, wound, wrap, write, writer, writing, wrong, yard, yeah, year, yell, yellow, yes, yesterday, yet, yield, you, young, your, yours, yourself, youth, zone.

Hi peeps, I have a B.A in psyc and currently doing a diploma in holistic counselling. It’s an amazing course and has everything a normal diploma has including the placement and supervision, but ACA or Pacfa seem to not care about that and wouldn’t take it into consideration my prior learning. Has anyone been in the same wagon before ?

(Repost from HousingUK)
TLDR: I own a share if freehold flat and the other freeholder lives abroad, is incapacitated and has no next of kin, just a legal representative appointed by a government organisation in the country she lives in. I need to sell my flat and extend the lease but two years in I have got nowhere in getting the deeds signed. What can I do?
Hi Housing UK readers,
I wanted to see if you had any fresh ideas on how to approach this situation I find myself in.
I purchased a flat in 2011. The flat is one of two in a Victorian conversion. Both flats are self-contained.
I am the sole registered leasehold proprietor of flat B and have been living in the flat since 2011.
Miss X is the sole registered leasehold proprietor of flat A, and has owned the flat since 2001. The flat is being rented as Miss X retired abroad in 2006.
Miss X and I also both own a share of the freehold, which is split 50/50.
I’m in contact with Miss X for a few years after I buy, but all admin relating to building management is dealt with by her estate agents and she defers any discussions to them.
Fast forward to September 2022. I need to sell my flat as I want to move to a different city, and have some debt I need to pay off. The flat is listed for sale in late October 2022.
There are 84 years left on the lease for both myself and Miss X. I reach out to Miss X to inform her of my plans and that I will need her signature for the various deeds, and that we should extend the lease. The email bounces back and her phone line is disconnected.
I contact the estate agents who manage flat A. They have also not heard from Miss X for a while, I can tell they know more, but they are unwilling to share any details. In a tactical move, I list my flat for sale with them too, to try and get their help with Miss X (a whole other hilarious side story). I am repeatedly assured by them that the situation with Miss X will not hinder the sale of the flat (a huge lie).
March 2023 I finally find some buyers (with another agent) and start the conveyancing process, including extending the lease and transferring the freehold.
May 2023. After chasing Miss X’s estate agents for weeks, I discover that Miss X is now incapacitated and hospitalised with dementia. Miss X has no partner or children, no next of kin and no legal representation in the UK. She is under the care of a government agency in the European country she resides in. A lawyer employed by the agency, let’s call him SP, has been appointed as her legal representative and is in contact with the UK estate agents. SP sends documents to verify his status to the agents, who confirm legitimacy via their lawyers. SP is very hard to reach, rarely answers emails or his phone.
I find a solicitor specialised in property law to help me navigate this situation. As Miss X is not deemed “absent”, the solicitor suggests that it’s best to try and resolve this with the appointed legal representative (SP), as any other legal routes available for absentee freeholders through UK courts wouldn’t apply (as we know where Miss X is). I explain the situation to SP, he talks to a judge and informs me he lacks capacity to make decisions about the leasehold and freehold matters without court / judicial approval in his country.
SP also asks for help with gaining access to Miss X’s UK bank account. All rental income from her flat in the UK is being transferred to a UK bank account via the estate agents. I share information on obtaining power of attorney in the UK and suggest it would be best to appoint a lawyer in the UK to help with all matters.
November 2023. After several months of backwards and forwards with SP to try and find out exactly what legal documents the judge wants to see in court, under his guidance my solicitor produces papers, documents and evidence, we get them translated, postilled and posted. SP is confident the judge will be happy and grant permission for signatures.
The documents make it clear that the authority being sought for SP to sign the leasehold extension and transfer of freehold are in no way prejudicial to Miss X and in fact extending the lease would add value to her property should she decide to sell in future.
A court date is set 3 months later. Sigh. More waiting.
I lose my buyers (understandably).
February 2024. The court date arrives. The judge rejects the request for permission for SP to sign papers on behalf of Miss X. It’s not fully clear why this is rejected. After speaking to SP it seems that the judge now wants SP to obtain access to Miss X’s bank account before moving forward. I am surprised that no progress has been made with that.
I go back to my solicitor. Now that we can show that steps have been taken to locate Miss X and get the deeds signed by her legal deputy without recourse, they suggest that we can apply to court in the UK to have another trustee appointed to sign the transfer and deed, and suggests appointing counsel to make the application to UK courts, which should be “run of the mill”. We choose a barrister, the situation is explained, documents shared, and I’m given a 3 week timeframe for papers to be produced for court.
In the meantime we connect SP to a solicitor in the UK who can help with obtaining PoA, as no progress has been made with that yet.
A few days later the barrister gets in touch, more bad news.
Under TLATA, there would be a breach of trust if all required consent from the current trustees was not obtained, so it is not sufficient to just add another trustee, Miss X would need to be replaced as outlined in the Trustee Act 36(1). However under the Trustee Act 36(9), where a trustee lacks the ability to perform their function, no new trustee can be appointed without consent from the Court of Protection. I am informed that making this application to the CoP is lengthy, costly and risky. The barrister says it would be faster and safer to wait for SP to obtain the relevant permissions.
We reach out to SP again to see what progress has been made. None. Some documents need to be translated and he is unwilling to pay for the translations (it seems their organisation has no money). We offer to pay now and be reimbursed once access to Miss X’s money is granted.
We are now almost half way through 2024 and coming up to 2 years into this situation.
Is it really possible that legally these are my only two options?

• going to the UK courts at great expense in a process that has been called “risky and lengthy” by the barrister.
• Waiting for SP to sort out PoA with no guarantee that the judge will even grant permission for the deeds to be signed (again risky and lengthy)

I know I can try and sell my flat without the share if freehold and with a short lease, but this will affect its value and the short lease especially will be a problem with mortgage applications.
Any different ideas on how to approach this? Seems so absurd that currently I can’t sell something that is mine, due to a situation I didn’t create!
There are many more twists and turns to this story but I have left them out as this is long enough. Also I do not have a legal background or am a housing expert so apologies if some of the language I use is incorrect.
Thanks for reading!

Here. And I’d like to start by noticing that Steve Sailer is obviously Delicious Taco’s dad. Having said this.
Good episode. Lots of engagement which I suppose is a net positive for all involved. Obviously a lot of the injury stems from a distortion. The episode’s content fantasized and in fantasy warped into something constituting a threat (no, an outright assault) to the listener’s person. One can simply listen to the episode and see that some (in fact the bulk) of the negative responses are from people reacting to some spectral absent-presence rather than to what is actually being said over the course of the 2 hour long episode. The voices and the discourse have instead been shaped into sonic receptacle containing the reflection of something wildly ugly. Injuriously ugly.
Past few days have been brutal. Found myself doom-viewing the main sub, should know better at this age. Feels like I’ve been transmogrified into an absurd and wretched thing. Must've transgressed against a gnome or something. Fascinating to think about.
I would like nothing more than to shame you.
Miami Summer is a killer. Urine is blood-orange. And my mother deserves better sons.
Why would A&D do this?
Witnessing the rankest comments. In bygone age I’d found them tolerable. Having imagined them delivered by high society homosexual. A damned dandy; chubby, sinister, and flamboyant. Capri on a stick limply held between index and middle fingers, twirling wrist ash’ing on expensive Persian rug. The blurry ghosts of his mother and the kid brother who drowned in the pond all those years ago glaring at him from far-off corner. Clearing throat he launches into sing-song slander head peeling back cackling at his own wickedness. Vile and venomous but charming. Instead what we get is 30+ year old mentally-ill men. Men whose Twitter activity has atrophied their cock and balls. Genitals withering away like the Worker's State, in its place a gasping cloaca, worry not I can clock em from miles away. The odious cloaca-havers are soon joined by ruined drug-addled children and the other women. They talk about A&D in disgusting ways. This is unfair and nasty. I confess to being angry. Sweating blood-specked kerosene. Let the scent fill up the empty air between us. My wrath singeing those overgrown nose hairs.
Of the two I think Anna is the one that inspires the harshest parasocial spite. So much so that I’d recommend she take some protective measures against evil eye and tongue. Maybe take baths with hyssop herb, rose water perfume, and holy water.
It’s as if Anna Khachiyan is a Giant Floating Vagina with teeth and a noticeable overbite. Viewed from another angle it transforms into a Madonna encircled by cherubim. Perhaps we are cruel to Anna in order to be kind to our mothers.
All very pre-Oedipal.
Had to step back and parse it out. Anna draws a comparison between herself and Sailer while also asking him a great question,
07:12-07:49
Anna: “I started reading it during the pandemic because it was the pandemic. I was pregnant and bored and I really relate to you as a person who everyone thinks is like evil and monstrous on the internet, but is actually like quite agreeable and mild mannered in real life. And I was going to ask you this question last, but I may as well just ask it now. How do you feel about your new found popularity? And especially, how do you feel about the fact that you have been effectively adopted by or identified with the hard right?”
The first part of the above extract, the sympathetic recognition, brings to mind a bit of 20th century Hermetic theory concerning harmful thought-forms. Our unconscious self-destructive impulses animating the fantasy-phantasm of the other. Inhabiting their shape. Gaining a degree of autonomy. This artificial entity is vampiric by default, provoking what the Czech magician Franz Bardon calls a "magical persecutory complex"... He goes into detail about such entities in Step VI of his seminal work, Initiation into Hermetics. Describing different types of artificial elementals and phantasms along with details on how to consciously go about creating and dissipating them. One of those artificial psychic entities, the one that concerns us, he calls the schemata. Bardon details two variants, one connected with paranoid persecutory fantasies and the other with erotic obsession. The first type comes about when someone who is “easily excitable, easily influenced or self-important” (Narcissist?) has a run in with another person who has, to put it mildly, a memorable visage and dark personality. The schemata is born from the phantasm modeled after this demonic-looking disagreeable person. The victim begins to attribute all kinds of minor inconveniences to the influence of the ugly person. Deludes themselves into thinking that the ugly/disagreeable person is a powerful black magician. Everything appears to reinforce their paranoid delusions. The schema grows in power feeding off the anxieties of their creatohost. The person might end up committing suicide. This was the persecutory schemas desire, having achieved its goal Bardon notes, “how great is the shock when such a spirit realizes on the mental plane that he has committed a very successful magical suicide. What a bitter disappointment! The demonic looking person, however, has no idea what happened; he was actually only the means to an end.”
God gave us eyes so that we might notice things.
The way I see it:
Being social animals the subject of our fantasy, of our fixations, is the fantasy of the other. What makes the human Human is not that we desire but rather that we desire the desire of the other. An excess desire. We fantasize about what the other is fantasizing and enjoying. Our fantasy of the fantasy of the other is the outlines a fundamental lack within our person, a negativity. Experienced as a splitting of consciousness. Intuiting this lack, becoming aware of it, and attempting to articulate it, we are self-consciousness. This negativity or void is in psychoanalytic terms, the unconscious. We likewise intuit that there had once been some original state. One without lack and contradiction. A state of fullness, without the division between self and object. A harmonious whole. A pure consciousness or as Freud refers to it in Civilization and its Discontents an oceanic feeling. The Original Desire, one that is authentically my own, which was not the desire of the other but which unites our desires in itself. This desire is the extinction of all desires.
The eye that perceives the lovely is at once the eye that perceives what I lack. Perceiving this lack, which explains my present condition, I covet. This is an evil eye. The lover’s gaze is of the same type as the infirm or pathic gaze. Reminded of Zizek’s formulation of one of Hegel’s insights, “Evil resides in the very gaze which perceives Evil all around itself" itself a variation of Meister Eckhart’s “the eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me.” The recognition of evil, the ability to see and judge evil, stems from our ability to recognize disparity. This disparity is already present within our own person, the split-consciousness. The feeling cognized, the awareness of our condition as beings separated from the whole. The clairvoyance of the tyrant and the philosopher.
Suppose that psychopathology is born from our inability to recognize an image as an image.
I intuit something more in this person, something they’re hiding. It can’t just be envy, no. It has to be because I can feel that this thing they’re hiding is sinister. It can’t just be that I feel animosity towards this person, no. It has to be because this person is evil and not just an isolated evil but rather a symptom of a much larger evil. An evil that is responsible for all the suffering in the World, for why my World isn’t the way it should be. It can’t just be attraction, no. It has to be that I intuit something more in this person, something hidden, that I must destroy in order to go on living.
If vile shit comes to mind (as vile things often do, especially when one is immersed in ambient algorithmically-summoned vileness, namely outrage and atrocity porn) they won't affirm it to themselves or try to justify or rationalize it or present it as a rational political stance. And they don’t abstract this particular form of vileness into the primary lens through which they view and interpret cultural phenomena. Unreflexive racial animosity is ugly and fetid. We’re capable of recognizing it, feeling it, as something pathological. We’re also capable of laughing at it. Laughing at ourselves. Look at what our ladies have to say about Stuart Seldowitz (the dude who went viral harassing a halal street vendor) in I’ll Be Missinger. “He sucks,” “he’s a loser,” “he’s obviously sick,” and that he gives the impression of someone who lives alone, will die alone, and will be found weeks or even months after the fact.
Perhaps Red Scare is special in how it manages to elicit absurd, wildly inappropriate responses from listeners. Vulgar and revelatory was it? Steve Sailer elicits a similar response and has become an expert in turning said absurd reactions to his advantage. Generally the cooler-head in any given exchange. While the other person shouts obscenities at a ghost, smashing fists against the post, looking crazy, like a proper hysteric. Sailer breaks the fourth-wall, making eye-contact with the would-be noticer, with a little shake of the head, a little chuckle, a little shrug… “you’re noticing right? See what I have to put up with? Imagine these people defining my legacy.” Still he seems to take it with the good humor of an uncle who will still call you on your birthday, despite your drunken outburst during holiday get-together he will admit to not having resisted the temptation to provoke you, it use to be fun, recall all the cool bands I introduced you too? We use to be best buds, “do you really think anything I’ve said merits this sort of response? Honestly?”
Has to be a cheap trick. A technique employed by an old trickster in decades long honing of craft. Maybe not. Maybe what we see is precisely what we get. Most of the very upsetting things being jokes sincerely intended to lighten the mood. Steve Sailer doesn’t care about the particular political orientation of his audience. He just cares that he has an audience. Grateful for the fans he has. Nonetheless happy that they’re not seething malcontent racists. Even if one disagrees with the methodology, the heuristic, the conclusions. That’s secondary, perhaps even tertiary to the recognition sought. His craftsmanship as a writer.
Why I loved his conflict with Will Stancil. Stancil inspired a lot of pondering for me. Putting things in place…
01:29:22-01:29:28
Anna: “You come for the race science and stay for the prose-styling and vivid story-telling.”
In trying to survive as a writer exiled from Mainstream Conservative media (ConInc) during the Bush Jr years. In fact, correct me if I’m wrong but the cancelation that actually impacted Steve Sailer, setting him down the path we find him in, was brought about not by blue-haired hall monitor millennial leftists but by his “fellow” Conservatives. I imagine that he just went with whoever was willing to take him adapting to the editorial standards and audience sensibilities of the publications willing to provide him succor. Not charity mind you but an ability to engage in his own little labor of love.
Read some Sailer. Might get into that later. But that’s the initial impression I got from Steve. Would be utterly mortified if memorialized as a Racialist Ideologue rather than as an entertaining and thought-provoking journalist. Think I also benefited from seeing how he’s actually received by people who are navigating through (or in certain cases, are mired in) the marginal “Hard Right”-spaces or the Rightwing Digital Ghetto. End up realizing that he isn’t hateful, that what you see is precisely what you get, that he privileges craft over ideology, that his reception and exile from Neocon dominated media outlets (remember these are the people gushing ecstatic over the US invasion of Iraq, manufacturing consent for our adventures in the Middle East) was exceedingly unfair but that he nonetheless managed to persevere. And that he really never goes beyond Norm McDonald in terms of his sardonic wit or The Boondocks animated series in terms of his criticisms. His normality is a great source of stability and comfort for his readers; “noticing” and speculating about these topics doesn’t necessarily lead to one becoming a seething racist.
Returning for a moment to Will Stancil, this was what he inspired:
As the last man standing I spend countless hours immersed in detailed fantasies about the coming apocalypse and my enemy's bliss. A dumb and wicked happiness proportional to my suffering. Easy to imagine other people happy. Hearts unbroken. Unburdened, hydrated, sexually satisfied, debt-free, lucky, successful in all business endeavors. Brute, jezebel, schemer, parasite, rival, betrayer... the whole lot of them thriving. Frolicking in my mind's eye. When the time comes I won't forget that they were happy while...others...suffered.
Find that trying to void your mind of all thought or sit perfectly still for 10 minutes. End up feeling like something requires much less energy from us than nothing. Causes coalescing. Conspiring, to what ends?
You see. The very same principle appears to be at work here. Same pathological base that undergirds genuine racial or ethnic animosity. Fantasizing about the other’s enjoyment and being unable to distinguish between the persecutory Phantasm and the actual human being whose shape it appropriates.
Had a friend recommend forgetting. Forgetting is a dialectical exercise, first you have to acknowledge the thing living rent free in your head and acknowledge its origins... then you have to take the steps to stop feeding it. Letting the thought-form dissolve. Let it be put to rest. Reminded of the practice Orthodox Christian contemplatives call Nepsis.
Other approaches as well, acknowledging the presence of anima veiled in shadow.
But listen…
The podcasts I consume, are a reflection of me as a person. Being what I associate and consume. What does it say about me in particular? Reveal about me? That they should have Steve Sailer on the pod. Settling down. Perhaps some responses could be understood in this light. That a Sailer episode reflects poorly on the listener. Constituting a great betrayal of the love and energy and time I have dedicated over the years to you.
I’m not a racist.
Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are. The most punitive and brutal god. The idea of the AI nu-god being this, utilizing that standard, is horrifying. Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are, everything you are, and whether or not you qualify to live.
Shamed, I quietly remove the upvote I gave to the hysterical person and the downvote I gave to him.
Hysteria like a yawn is an empathic contagion.
Back to Anna it’s not because she’s ugly and it sucks that she might nurse this delusion. I actually think Anna is really pretty. Rather I think it’s because she’s a mom. She registers as a maternal figure. That’s one of the reasons I think people respond to her the way they do. As stated earlier. We are cruel to Anna in order to forgive our moms.
[To be continued: Wherein I say horrible things that should never be said to the people I claim to love. Will also interrogate Sailor Socialism]

TLDR: I own a share if freehold flat and the other freeholder lives abroad, is incapacitated and has no next of kin, just a legal representative appointed by a government organisation in the country she lives in. I need to sell my flat and extend the lease but two years in I have got nowhere in getting the deeds signed. What can I do?
Hi Housing UK readers,
I wanted to see if you had any fresh ideas on how to approach this situation I find myself in.
I purchased a flat in 2011. The flat is one of two in a Victorian conversion. Both flats are self-contained.
I am the sole registered leasehold proprietor of flat B and have been living in the flat since 2011.
Miss X is the sole registered leasehold proprietor of flat A, and has owned the flat since 2001. The flat is being rented as Miss X retired abroad in 2006.
Miss X and I also both own a share of the freehold, which is split 50/50.
I’m in contact with Miss X for a few years after I buy, but all admin relating to building management is dealt with by her estate agents and she defers any discussions to them.
Fast forward to September 2022. I need to sell my flat as I want to move to a different city, and have some debt I need to pay off. The flat is listed for sale in late October 2022.
There are 84 years left on the lease for both myself and Miss X. I reach out to Miss X to inform her of my plans and that I will need her signature for the various deeds, and that we should extend the lease. The email bounces back and her phone line is disconnected.
I contact the estate agents who manage flat A. They have also not heard from Miss X for a while, I can tell they know more, but they are unwilling to share any details. In a tactical move, I list my flat for sale with them too, to try and get their help with Miss X (a whole other hilarious side story). I am repeatedly assured by them that the situation with Miss X will not hinder the sale of the flat (a huge lie).
March 2023 I finally find some buyers (with another agent) and start the conveyancing process, including extending the lease and transferring the freehold.
May 2023. After chasing Miss X’s estate agents for weeks, I discover that Miss X is now incapacitated and hospitalised with dementia. Miss X has no partner or children, no next of kin and no legal representation in the UK. She is under the care of a government agency in the European country she resides in. A lawyer employed by the agency, let’s call him SP, has been appointed as her legal representative and is in contact with the UK estate agents. SP sends documents to verify his status to the agents, who confirm legitimacy via their lawyers. SP is very hard to reach, rarely answers emails or his phone.
I find a solicitor specialised in property law to help me navigate this situation. As Miss X is not deemed “absent”, the solicitor suggests that it’s best to try and resolve this with the appointed legal representative (SP), as any other legal routes available for absentee freeholders through UK courts wouldn’t apply (as we know where Miss X is). I explain the situation to SP, he talks to a judge and informs me he lacks capacity to make decisions about the leasehold and freehold matters without court / judicial approval in his country.
SP also asks for help with gaining access to Miss X’s UK bank account. All rental income from her flat in the UK is being transferred to a UK bank account via the estate agents. I share information on obtaining power of attorney in the UK and suggest it would be best to appoint a lawyer in the UK to help with all matters.
November 2023. After several months of backwards and forwards with SP to try and find out exactly what legal documents the judge wants to see in court, under his guidance my solicitor produces papers, documents and evidence, we get them translated, postilled and posted. SP is confident the judge will be happy and grant permission for signatures.
The documents make it clear that the authority being sought for SP to sign the leasehold extension and transfer of freehold are in no way prejudicial to Miss X and in fact extending the lease would add value to her property should she decide to sell in future.
A court date is set 3 months later. Sigh. More waiting.
I lose my buyers (understandably).
February 2024. The court date arrives. The judge rejects the request for permission for SP to sign papers on behalf of Miss X. It’s not fully clear why this is rejected. After speaking to SP it seems that the judge now wants SP to obtain access to Miss X’s bank account before moving forward. I am surprised that no progress has been made with that.
I go back to my solicitor. Now that we can show that steps have been taken to locate Miss X and get the deeds signed by her legal deputy without recourse, they suggest that we can apply to court in the UK to have another trustee appointed to sign the transfer and deed, and suggests appointing counsel to make the application to UK courts, which should be “run of the mill”. We choose a barrister, the situation is explained, documents shared, and I’m given a 3 week timeframe for papers to be produced for court.
In the meantime we connect SP to a solicitor in the UK who can help with obtaining PoA, as no progress has been made with that yet.
A few days later the barrister gets in touch, more bad news.
Under TLATA, there would be a breach of trust if all required consent from the current trustees was not obtained, so it is not sufficient to just add another trustee, Miss X would need to be replaced as outlined in the Trustee Act 36(1). However under the Trustee Act 36(9), where a trustee lacks the ability to perform their function, no new trustee can be appointed without consent from the Court of Protection. I am informed that making this application to the CoP is lengthy, costly and risky. The barrister says it would be faster and safer to wait for SP to obtain the relevant permissions.
We reach out to SP again to see what progress has been made. None. Some documents need to be translated and he is unwilling to pay for the translations (it seems their organisation has no money). We offer to pay now and be reimbursed once access to Miss X’s money is granted.
We are now almost half way through 2024 and coming up to 2 years into this situation.
Is it really possible that legally these are my only two options?

• going to the UK courts at great expense in a process that has been called “risky and lengthy” by the barrister.
• Waiting for SP to sort out PoA with no guarantee that the judge will even grant permission for the deeds to be signed (again risky and lengthy)

I know I can try and sell my flat without the share if freehold and with a short lease, but this will affect its value and the short lease especially will be a problem with mortgage applications.
Any different ideas on how to approach this? Seems so absurd to me that currently I can’t sell something that is mine, due to a situation I didn’t create!
There are many more twists and turns to this story but I have left them out as this is long enough. Also I do not have a legal background or am a housing expert so apologies if some of the language I use is incorrect.
Reddit, help!

I don't really no where to start. I feel I've lost myself, consumed with anxiety and guilt and fear and regret and I fear, this new fear, that it's going to be the end of me if I don't start to get it out in some way, shape or form.
I guess I'll begin at the beginning...
​
I had a difficult childhood with fairly neglectful parents. A mother who openly expressed she never felt she really stepped into her mom shoes until she gave birth to my younger sister, who is three years younger than me. She is my only sibling. My mother told me when I was a kid that she "had to love me", but when my sister came around "she was finally a mother and over the moon", or simply "I always always wanted a girl". I'm not sure if this could be attributed to Post-partum depression, not that she ever researched that or was daignosed with it. That's probably just me trying to pardon my mother or something to the effect. She was 17 when she had me and I'm sure times were different then, my parents both were raised religious, father christian, mother mormon. Maybe their guilt. I ask myself why they brought me into this world if I wasn't wanted to begin with. Or, give me up for adoption to a set of guardians that would have loved me better. I know I was an accident and that's not what gets me down, I get that life be lifing and what happened happened. My difficulties stem from the feeling that my presence never gave my mother any sense of purpose, responsibility or love, or concern. She was emotionally unavailable to me virtually my entire life and I feel like that caused many issues later in my life and how I perceive myself and what I deserve. Coupled with the fact that my neglect met such extremes that I am frankly shocked that I was never picked up by child care services, maybe things were different in the 90's. I'm not sure, I was just a child then.
Much of my upbringing I didn't receive a lot of the things most people would consider essential. As a baby my crib was the sock drawer, then I grew large enough to have a closet, then slept on the floor of a walk-in closet, then I had a single bed from what I recall for maybe a year or maybe two years and I remember feeling metal springs poke me in the my ribs and I recall it being uncomfortable enough for me to move back to sleeping on the floor next to the ratty old used mattress my father found from who knows where. I remember feeling like I had to keep that secret, that the mattress they gave me was uncomfortable enough for me to sneak sleeping on the floor next to it. I think I was really afraid as coming across as ungrateful. My father came from a third world country, so the "gratefullness issue" was address frequently by my mom because "I don't have it even half as bad as what my father had to endure. And she was probably right. But it just silenced me ultimately, didn't put things into a mature context for me. I just learned that I can't complain about anything ever. Anyway, that trend didn't really change when I grew older. grade 9-10 I was sleeping on the living room couch so my sister could have privacy and a bedroom to exist in for herself - which I realize is important for an individual so I encouraged her to have the bedroom. Although I figured my parents expected me to do this for my sister regardless. I was okay with making sacrfices for those I love, it was instilled in me from a very very young age.
I do feel like my father took advantage of me in the form of labour as well, having to do custodial work with my father from 10pm to 3am, at two highschools I believe he was contracted, at that young age I honestly enjoyed just spending time with my father I think, working alongside him. When I was in grade 2 and 3 I had garbage bag duty for all the students bathrooms, and I remember loving snapping the bags open by rushing air into the bag and making it blow up like a baloon. I remember the scary unlit shadowy hallways that I couldn't perceive the ends of. No bodies to see, it felt eerie but exciting in a way - like it was a whole different world.
School was a different experience for me. It was very stressful, my parents had to move a few times a year because they would dodge rent or just generally be selfish with their dual income. They loved to party hard on the weekends. I remember wondering why my father did this to himself all the time. Hoping that we could spend quality time on a saturday, but he wouldnt get out of bed until just before dinner. I didn't really understand hangovers or alcoholism and how it meant our plans would get cancelled. I think I remember trying to wrap my head around willful self-poisoning for entertainment and how could that be more enjoyable then spending time with your son? I couldn't tell my mother why I was so sad about it. Why I didn't want to move again and again and again. Why I found it so difficult to make new friends everytime I had to switch schools. Why I couldn't just do one single full school year with one class of students. It was so hard and at the time, I didn't know anything different. It was so hard to make friends and I think it created this approach to making a "new family" of friends when I became a teenager and young adult.
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I remember always wanting to be a "good kid". The "best kid" for my parents. I feel like my parents attached this moniker to me that made things harder for me to mature into a rounded adult later in life. My parents always flaunted me as this point of accomplishment, the accomplishment that I was "so extremely well behaved". I would strive to be super polite, and a good host, try to help out when my parents had their friends over, literally fill their cups when the opportunity presented themselves. I think I did this because I must have made the conclusion that if I was quiet, super polite, helpful and useful then I had value. That I could be loved. That I could earn this love from my parents through acts of service.
I remember feeling like my sister and I had extremely different experiences growing up. When my parents were at work I took care of her, cleaned and cooked. one time my sister told my mom to eff off when she was 5 and I was 8. My mind was blown. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she had the bravery and courage to defy my mother. Looking back, my sister was just mirroring the language she learned from my parents from whenever they fought. I remembering seriously worrying and getting scared that my father was going to belt her, or use the coat hanger, which was his preference with me. I feel like my mom was always checked out and I'm hurt that she allowed my father to take his rage out on me. That my mom could care less about me being beat, but never my sibling. It was very confusing and difficult for me to process. Not that I really processed it much as a kid. I honestly just wanted to be loved and be the best child possible. Honestly though, 'm seriously so glad that my sister was spared all of that complete non-sense. I don't wish that on anyone in the world. There were some punishments where he would walk in and tell me to pull my pants down without explanation. I have memories of tearing up and saying I didn't know why this was happening, asking what I did wrong and he would just remind me that if I resisted then I would get it worse and to hurry up and get ready. My father has since apologized. I think it is how he was raised. I didn't know what to say in response, but I told him I loved him and it's in the past. But I don't know if I was being honest when I said that. My mother would still gaslight me to this day if any of this became topic of discussion, not that I'm guessing. A year ago she told me that much of my pained memories were false and this never happened. My father on the other hand typically stays pensive and unchallenging.
It seems so damned crazy writing all of this out, it feels like a heartbreaking novel and not my life at all. But it was and is my life. I have difficulties opening up and expressing my feelings and advocating for myself when the moments are true and appropriate to do so. I know it's the healthier way to communicate, but I was literally taught to stay quiet and be useful. Fast forward 20-25 years and I'm going to be 35 and I feel like just ending it all. Every year my birthday passes and I'll get a text from my family happy birthday. But they know I'm in a difficult place, they know I miss them, they know I love them and forgive them, I try the high road whenever I can but I just don't see the point anymore. they won't celebrate my life and existence, but they'll throw family gatherings for each other, birthdays, christmas, fathers day and mothers day.
On that note, another mother's day has recently passed and my mother never invited me over, I texted my father three weeks in advance in hopes of securing a time to come over and celebrate my mothers life with my family as a family. I felt particularly stung this mother's day when they celebrated and didn't text or call to invite me over. I live in the same small town so it's easy to hop over. I literally live three blocks away.
Anyway, my mother was diagnosed with cancer over christmas this year and I have been worrying for my mother ever since and thinking about my life with her and the mortal coil and the finite mount of time I may have with her. I feel like there is a large empty part in my heart that wishes my mother and I could go grab a coffee together. She can show me her ipad app art that she has been really excited about for a couple years now. She loves showing off her digital art and I love seeing her joy and how proud she is about her art. I just don't know why she couldn't feel the same for me, her only son. Maybe I'm just a her dissapointment.
I dropped out of highschool and left the family home when I was 16. I just couldn't work for my dad during the night AND go to highschool AND socialize. Something had to give. Unfortunately it was highschool and my parents didn't really care about that at all. They were just... fine with it. they supported my sister through college and she was fortunately able to graduate with a veterinary degree of sorts. she still lives with them now as she pays off her student debt, but I left and travelled and worked on music for over a decade so I admit that I was entirely out of the family picture for some time. But as I get older, not wanting to repeat the mistakes of my parents I fear that that is precisely what's been creeping up in my life.
five years ago I met the absolute most wonderful human being and I am so lucky to have my partner in my life. She and I are engaged now and set to be married. I hoped that the news would overwhelm my parents with excitement and joy. Maybe a facebook post about their son, share some family pictures or something. But they did nothing at all. I think they showed off pictures of the trip to Mexico that week instead.
I just don't really understand how I'm this unworthy of their love and unfortunately now I'm realizing that illusion that I am unworthy has infected my relationship with my fiance. I love her so much but when I can't fix everything in her life I feel like I am the failure and the guilt overhelms me so much and the guilt is such a strong motivator for me, and it usually motivates me into becoming the biggest doormat in the world. I've never worked harder for a relationship or invested this much energy. I feel she deserves it. But I don't advocate for myself. So I build up resentment. Like I clean the house constantly and work and help bail out of her bad spending habits and cover her rent without question and this and that. To be clear, she doesn't take advantage of me and that's not how I feel about it. But I do let this annoyance build up inside of me because I don't know how to communicate my feelings in a healthy way. I'm scared I'll lose the person if I speak up, or I'll be gaslit. Again, that's not my partner that gaslights. That's just generally how I feel I'll be treated if I open up with people. It all goes back to my childhood. It's affected every friendship and work relationship I've had since.
When I was 20-ish, 15 years years ago I did the classic, "seek the relationship that most comfortably fits into the patterns you experienced with your parents". And so I trapped myself in a horrific and extremely damaging relationship with a girl I'll call K. She has undiagnosed bipolaBPD, she would never seek help but self-medicate. She ended up in the hospital maybe four times for self-harming and this where she was considered to have these diseases by a few doctors on different occasions. Anway, it turned into a relationship of abuse and it wasn't exactly new territory for me. I was ashamed in that 8 year relationship. I wanted out so bad, but she would threaten to unalive everytime I tried to get away. Of course, some weeks would go by and i would get my hair pulled out of my scalp, a knife waving in the air in front of my face, spat in the face, kicked, punched, bit, a pot of freshly boiled ramen soup thrown in my face and eyes. What's worse is that I seeked police intervention on multiple occasions. Every single time the police visited, they talked me out of pressing charges, asking me " well if she doesn't have any place to go, then do you have a place you can stay at, or the shelter?". twice they talked me out of a restraining order, that legal proceedings would take forever. Adn de-escalting me from wanting to take measures to ensure my safety because she may end up on the street as a result. To this day, I absolutely wish I advocated for myself here and pushed for a restraining order. I'm so mad at myself for not doing so.
Unfortunately, fast forward a couple years into that relationship and one evening everything would finally hit the fan. I told her to never touch me again and I absolutely meant it. she had just yanked out the largest chunk of my hair to date, to the point where my scalp was bleeding and I could even see epidermal matter still attached to the folicle ends that were in her clenched fingers. My head bled a bit and I pushed her off of me. Telling her that I needed to leave, that I was walking to my secure jam space just a 10 minute walk away. It had a leather couch in a cold concrete basement, but hey at least I would be safe for the night and I could play my drums and try and blow off this anxiety and fear in a way that was safe albeit very noisy.
She hated that I wanted to leave and convinced herself I would never return. To be fair, that was the energy I had. I never wanted to see her face again and have her name on my lips after that night. So her tactic was simple, to threaten me with calling the cops and tell them that I violently pushed her. I called her bluff and said "go ahead and I will just tell them everything you've done - yet again. All I am doing is going to the space to sleep, I said, maybe play drums." She called the cops and told them she was pushed into a wall, and she felt very unsafe. Which yes, I did push her off me when she attacked me. In the past, I tried various tactics, to run away didn't work, she just always chased me down. Or sometimes I would just sit there while she was violent against me and I just "dissapeared" kind of like how I would when my dad used his coat hanger. This time, I just pushed her off of me, I was done with the relationship at that point and we both knew it. Anyway, she called the police, they arrived and when questioned I told them that I pushed her off of me in self-defence. I was drinking that night and it didn't help my case as I was arrested without question that evening and I was charged on the spot without question with domestic assault. It devasted me. I asked the police how this could happen lawfully. That she is an abuser and there is a history of this multiple times. That I've requested a restraining order. They explained that in quebec the laws are a little different and in the case domestic cases, if there is a male aggressor against a female, then the male is automatically charged to the fullest extent. I was absolutelyu devasted by this. I can't tell you the amount of fear and anger I felt in that jail cell that night.
I feel so incredibly betrayed by the justice system, keep in mind, this is law that from what I understand is only in Quebec, I was there for music at the time with an old friend whom I am no longer in contact with. I don't think the rest of the country operates under law in this way. Now I appreciate that they are vigilant about woman abuse victims, but the law shouldn't be this absurdly biased. It just doesnt feel just and fair to me. Covert abusers shouldn't be able to take advantage of the justice system in this way, but it happens.
It was an awful experience, I was homeless for a couple months afterward, not allowed to retrieve my belongings, so I lost all of my life "crap" that I had built up, years of hardwork and investment. I mention this because I realize later in life that I have intense collecting behaviour. maybe as a self-soothing behaviour. But I love building up collections of my hobby stuff as I have many and I feel they keep me regulated and it's a form of therapy for me. In any case, I lost everything when I left that whole situation. It sucks, although ultimately it's clearly best that I got out of that dreadful circumstance. I flew across the country to my hometown and to be closer to my family and old friends from highschool. It's quite a small town mind you.
Unfortunately, my classic tendency to hide and not advocate for myself created an opportunity for my abusive ex. A year following those events, despite me assuring her that I had to block her because I flew away to start a new life provinces away. That I wished her the best. That I even promised I would never tell a soul what she did to me. Not to mention that unfortunately we live in a society where nobody really has an ounce of sympathy for a male abuse victim. I had every intention to keep that promise, but she couldn't trust me ultimately. I think her logic was maybe to just beat her ex to "the punch". Kill or be killed or something like that. I don't live my life like that so I don't really know what her plan was. But she made a bunch of posts on various social media platforms for all of our mutual friends, music friends, coworkers etc. that the relationship was over and she was free. That she got out of a cycle of abuse and she was ready to start a new chapter of her life. She never used my name, just that she was glad she got away from her toxic and abusive ex once and for all.
It was exactly like that night a year prior, she threatened me with this outcome she could design for me, and I called her on her bluff by saying I was still going to block her and I can't control what she does with her life or how she conducts herself, but that I was out and to never contact me ever again. She made me regret that decision.
The posts she made that day got so many likes and support from so many of our mutual friends, even musician mates that were closer to me than her, and it absolutely destroyed me, not just internally but socially. I no longer make music anymore and it hurts to go outside into the world because it feels like everybody sees me as this monster. And still I don't have a voice to inform anyone otherwise - except my family and my fiance. I have no friends anymore. They all left my life with the belief that I did all of these horrible and awful things.
I just don't trust people anymore as a result and it's just caused me to become extremely bitter and depressed. I ruminate on the past, maybe in attempts to fix the past so I can move on. So I could do better, so I don't have to punish myself for my mistakes in the past. But it just reopens every emotional wound I have and they never get a chance to heal. That was maybe 7 years ago now and I'm still replaying these events in my head every single morning for about 1 - 2 hrs. Then I go completely numb for the majority of the rest of the day, shallow breathing, and the mildest sadness that mascarades as fatigue and disinterest.
There are some days where I seriously fear for the future and I just feel like every cruel soul will inherit this earth and that's the future, they built this world of suffering and they deserve to inherit it. Their toxic flag staked so deep into the earth in reclamation. The future isn't holding any seats for people like us. I'm so heartbroken and defeated. I feel like white-wolfing my fiance because she deserves better than this traumatized person that hides from the world. I feel like giving her my collection of collections so she can sell it all off and pay off her 10k of credit debt, then with this act of kindness I can go out not feeling like a guilt-ridden defeated loser. And leave on a high note.
When I'm alone, I get trapped in these ruminating cycles and it's the angriest I ever get. It's reached the point where I feel like I am actually reliving all this past trauma every morning and I can't do it anymore. I just feel like I am so at the end of whatever this ride was.
I don't have any friends anymore and everyone but my fiance thinks I am a monster and it's just unbearable.
I just don't even know. I am even afraid that someone will read this post and suss through all of this and make the connection. Then I'll get another new email or random throwaway account with an insta message that says "I told you you would never be able to get over me. You can move on, but you will never be able to erase the past. Never truly. You know where to find me."
It's haunting and it's poisonous. I just feel haunted and poisoned and I don't know if there is a snake oil potent enough or antitode true enough to get me back to the generous, lighthearted, energetic kid I once was.
To whoever was willing to read through all of this, thank you for hearing me out. I don't know what advice I am even asking for here. I'm hoping just speaking this out into the world in some way can alleviate this misery. I don't know.

I am writing out of desperation for advice. 6 months ago we learned that our 17 year old son has decided to follow Islam. He was born in America, and we have raised him in a Christian home, attending church practically every week of his life. I am NOT writing here for advice on how to bring him back to Christianity. I am writing for help in how to LEAD HIM AWAY from Islam. His decision and actions from this have sent our family into a total tailspin. Honestly, the problem is not mainly his belief in "Allah". It's that his entire new belief system is based solely on the list of DO's and Don'ts of the religion. All of which are totally incompatible with my family's lifestyle, culture, and traditions. Having to interrupt our activities to go pray five times a day, not being able to eat ANYTHING we make for meals at home or eat at the same restaurants. Tonight, he wouldn't buy me some ice cream from the store he was at for some other absurd and illogical reason of the faith. He has a younger brother who requested to go into counseling over the loss of his brother to this. His mental health has suffered tremendously, as has my Wife's and mine. We have tried reasoning with him, but it was unsuccessful. Conversations just go into circular arguing and shouting matches. We think he was brainwashed into these beliefs by watching YouTubers and Tik Tokers (you know the ones!). We have now restricted his access to these sources. We don't allow him to go to a Mosque or anything like that. We are at a total loss as to what to do next. Any help or suggestions? Thank you.

I’m 30 years old with married with 2 kids. My wife is a stay at home mom so I’m the only bread winner. I currently make around $90k in the Dallas Fort Worth area. I currently have $19k in consolidation loans, $37k in credit card debt which is currently being managed by American Credit Counseling. I also have around $44k in student loan debt, all of which is through the government. The way things are sitting now, I am able to make all my payments, my wife an I have done a lot better with our budget since enrolling with American Credit Counseling, but we are one emergency away from having it run off the tracks. We own both of our cars out right, both cars are worth less than $6k each. We just resigned the lease to our house for 18 months. Part of me wants to just keep paying off the debts, especially since they have all been re-negotiated and have extremely low interest rates, a few are even at 0%. It will take around 63 months to pay off all of our consumer debts, but that leaving no cushion. The other part of me just wants to file bankruptcy, learn from my past mistakes and start over fresh. It would be nice to finally start saving for retirement, and have some savings for things like car troubles. I’ve been afraid to post this question because I’m honestly ashamed at how bad the debt became.
Edit: I forgot to add I’ve spoken to an attorney,they said I qualify based on my income and debt and they made bankruptcy sound amazing, almost to amazing.

So, been together since we were 16, both nerds and tend to stay inside most of the time. I’ve always been bored w our level of excitement, our sex life, (intimate maybe once a month- he never finishes due to anti depression meds, or lack of stamina) but he is kind and generous.
The whole time we’ve been together his employment hasn’t lasted longer than two years at a time. He attempted college but dropped out after a year or so due to lack of interest. He has gone for a handful of counselling sessions years ago at my ultimatum. He deals w depression and lack of motivation, anxiety and has a successful family whom care for him a lot but are obviously concerned. Going to family events is embarrassing as they always ask where his job status is, if he will go to school etc. I feel ashamed to admit I have to leave those conversations because I’m embarrassed. I love him so so so so much. We have four cats and are debt free, not engaged (yes that bothers me too) and don’t file as common law since that would cost more. (Live in British Columbia) His most recent job lost a contract so he’s had maybe 1-2 hrs work this last month. It’s probably the 4th-5th time he has been unemployed- he won’t apply for min wage jobs because he feels he doesn’t need to and he could get a mill labour job if it was desperate. I asked him today how long he can go for on his savings (he claims he’s living off a separate savings fund than the 110k he supposedly has invested) and he replied he can live comfortably for another six to eight weeks. I was so disappointed to hear him declare that. I told him I simply disagreed with his plans but do not want to argue.
So how do I protect my own peace while I wait on him? I’m anxious throughout the day or depressed thinking about the state of our lives. He has yelled at some people in public too recently while I was him because they were “discourteous” in some way- and yet I question why he holds his head high while unemployed ? I have not told him many of my thoughts- through previous phases of unemployment I already have and it never led to anything but push back and him feeling bad about himself. I want to stay because one it’s comfortable, it’s all I know and I fear I would regret it. When he is employed he shows good work ethic until he is bored and then he quits or the work dries up. He is nice. But I just don’t know. We didn’t even hav sex on our ten year anniversary. He said it was late and he was tired. We had been booked at a resort and yet. Nothing. We hardly seem to agree on things. I’m constantly bowing out of attempting to do things because he says he will do it. Sorry this is a mess. I kinda feel like throwing up writing it all down. How do I protect my peace if I stay or if I ask for a break? Would a break be enough push to get him to be willing to be uncomfortable for a short term job?

I am a registered Dietitian, In the US requires a degree and internship). My program (both at the undergrad and graduate level) involved psychology, nutrition counseling and sports nutrition courses. Most importantly, I'm also a Christian.
Although physical fitness/health is not the most important aspect of choosing a spouse, It does play a role. Not only that but it's important to look and feel your best- for yourself, your future spouse and maybe kids.
Would folks be interested in a zoom meetup where I discuss the principles of favorable body composition (ie. Muscle gain and fat loss)? To help some folks get started on the journey or to further their knowledge.

CMM.World & CMMTheology.org
The Great Harvest is here. Christ's Mandate for Missions and CMMTheology build strong, organic relationships globally as we worship, grow and equip together. Like Joshua and Caleb and the Apostle Paul, we see with faith what He sees in each person (to help each reach fullness), group (many streams and backgrounds in unity) and nations (sheep vs. goat nations). Our passion is to love, connect, equip and send with the simplicity, fullness, and power of the Gospel.
The Uncompromising Blissful Extravagance of His Presence! Inbox
By CMM.World CMMTheology.org - November 10, 2022
Dear Mighty One,
I see the Lord's eye upon us we discover by revelation the 'new thing' He is doing in our lives and of those of us who, beyond the present darkness, gaze into His eyes. The 'tuning fork' of Yahweh is orchestrating the sons and daughters of our living God in growing holy remnant unity to withstand as we stand with Him fearlessly in the boldness of the faith of God in this hour. Egypt is behind us, and the covenantal promises and prophetic words we have received (1 Tim. 1:18) empower us by His Holy Spirit to advance in warfare, humbly growing in the spirit of wisdom and revelation.

Yesterday as I encouraged some friends, I said, 'stay in the blissful extravagance of His presence.' Today I saw in Psalm 34 His eyes are upon us in vs. 8 & 9 and v:15 about the 'uncompromisingly righteous.' We are to be holy as He is holy. That leaves no room for any more compromise or seeking to please man or the traditions of men, being free of the fear of man, the religious spirit, and any demonic activity. We are seated in heavenly places with Christ Jesus. Lord, help us understand by revelation to walk in all the authority we have been given by Jesus Christ.
Psalm 34:8-9 'O taste and see that the Lord [our God] is good! Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who trusts and takes refuge in Him. O fear the Lord, you His saints [revere and worship Him]! For there is no want to those who truly revere and worship Him with godly fear.'
v. 15 'The eyes of the Lord are toward the [uncompromisingly] righteous and His ears are open to their cry.'
Chuck Pierce shared this amazing word from Penny Jackson that is right on for this season: https://christsmandate.blogspot.com/2022/11/chuck-pierce-shares-powerful-word-from.html
May YOUR November be full of Thanksgiving and Praise for you and yours as YOU enjoy The Uncompromising Blissful Extravagance of His Presence!
Thank you for praying for CMM and all your fellow CMM Global Family worldwide. Pray for all the missionaries, schools, and students in CMM College of Theology in the US, Ecuador, Canada, Cuba, Myanmar, Nigeria, and Thailand.
Pray for the new wells and the living water and safe water recently drilled or soon to be drilled in Tanzania, India, Malawi, and Pakistan.
Pray for our upcoming Christmas gift campaigns to bless children and youth in many nations. Many of them are precious, beautiful children (orphans). As the Lord leads, pray about giving any amount to bless dear CMM children this Christmas. https://cmmworld.kindful.com/
Pray for each other, dear friends. We all know we each need prayers going up to Heaven for all those on the front lines. We each are on the front lines!
Please pray for me as I speak tomorrow online to a crusade with 8,000 expected to attend in Pakistan. In December, I will speak at conferences in Liberia and Kenya with fellow CMM Ordained ministers Robert Bimba (Liberia), Tom Omukhobero, and Daniel and Christine Oyoko (Kenya).
We are working on plans and trips for 2023. If you would like to have some of our awesome CMM family speakers for a conference in your area or would like to join or lead a missions trip, we would love to hook you up with dear friends in many nations.
Please join me in welcoming Dr. Louis Blom of Judea Harvest as Associate Director of Missions at CMM. This strategic alliance multiplies the efforts and impact in building the Kingdom of our God, for His glory. https://youtu.be/HXfP8tCySRc

Many blessings and shalom from us all here at the home office and around the world.
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Highlights Of Our Amazing Trip To The Holy Land With Chris Reed And Bart Peacher
By CMM.World CMMTheology.org - July 19, 2022

Highlights Of Our Amazing Trip To The Holy Land With Chris Reed And Bart Peacher Prov. 16:9 ' A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.' We are continually blessed and in awe of how the Lord breathes and moves in our lives. As we press into the high calling of Jesus Christ and we grow in intimacy and trust by faith, His love, grace, and mercy unfold in surprising ways. I had not been to Israel since 2017. So much has changed in the world since then as we see the tremendous acceleration of the times and seasons. Chaos, control, and corruption are increasing at an alarming rate. Our only hope is in Jesus Christ and His righteousness. Divine Encounters Abound As We Are Led By Holy Spirit And Make Ourselves Available Many churches are led by their pursuit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil instead of the knowledge of the Tree of Life. As we surrender fully to the Holy Spirit, we learn to walk in deep humility and attenti
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Hi guys! Hope all is well, so I am a registered dietitian, In the US requires a degree and internship). My program (both at the undergrad and graduate level) involved psychology, nutrition counseling and sports nutrition courses. Most importantly, I'm also a Christian.
Although physical fitness/health is not the most important aspect of choosing a spouse, It does play a role. Not only that but it's important to look and feel your best- for yourself, your future spouse and maybe kids.
Would folks be interested in a zoom meetup where I discuss the principles of favorable body composition (ie. Muscle gain and fat loss)? just trying to gauge interest! *free of cost*
** so for everyone who expressed interest via comment or inbox, I will reach out and let you know the date and time!

I’m about to graduate with my Masters in mental health therapy and counseling and then be working toward licensure for my LPC.
I’m pretty certain I want a Ph.D to further my experience and have it narrowed to these two paths but am not sure which to take. First and foremost I enjoy being a clinician and am excited to get experience. However, I’m a bit concerned about burnout and like the idea of getting more experience, education and having multiple “hats” per se by getting a Ph.D. Academia appeals to me, which is why I like the idea of Counselor Education & Supervision as I would then be able to teach at CACREP Accredited institutions. On the other hand, becoming a more experienced clinician with the ability to give assessments also has its appeal. I also am trying to balance the financial aspect as well, as I don’t want to dive too deep into a Ph.D I can’t pay off. I know in this field we won’t make much, but I want to be comfortable and realistic with my plans.
Any information would be extremely helpful from individuals who have completed these degrees. Talking about your day to day, financial figured, and things to know. I’ve spoken to my mentors and know that these are both options for me, and that I would most likely get accepted, I’m just not sure which path to choose and would love more information and different perspectives.
Thank you!!
Edit: just to be clear I’m totally planning on getting fully licensed before going back to school. I’ll graduate this year and should be able to get fully licensed in two years. I plan to spend this time exploring my options, attending conferences, and hopefully being an adjunct for my institution. I think this time will help greatly with this decision (:

NT-10Q mirrors the press release about the 5-day delay on the 10Q. It's the formal document for the SEC. It also includes estimated earnings.
13F-HR lists their investment holdings as of 3/31.
"Estimated results of operations for the three months ended March 31, 2024 are summarized as follows:Cash and cash equivalents is expected to be approximately $191 million at March 31, 2024, a decrease of $41 million from $232 million at December 31, 2023. Total debt is expected to be approximately $2.19 billion, a decrease of approximately $170 million from $2.36 billion at December 31, 2023. This reflects the early redemption of approximately $115 million of senior notes during the three months ended March 31, 2024. Net loss available to common shareholders is expected to be approximately $51 million during the three months ended March 31, 2024 compared to net income available to common shareholders of $15 million in the prior year. The net loss is due to non-cash items which includes unrealized losses on investments and fair value adjustments on loans of approximately $59 million; in addition to incremental expenses of approximately $7 million incurred for professional fees relating to the filing of our 10-K and outside counsel review and subsequent independent investigation conducted as part of the previously disclosed investigation of the Audit Committee of the Company’s Board of Directors."

Hey people. I wanted to share my long ass story about how nitrous used to be one of my most favorite things in the world and now my relationship with it is complicated and twisted.
A lot of this will tackle interpersonal relationship dynamics, but I’m trying to illustrate to the reader the progression of how this drug took my ex’s mind. This is more of a thorough essay about my experience than a rant. When I was going through what I went through at the time, I wished there was a story like this out there to help me know better and understand. This is how I watched the love of my life melt away his brain on this drug.
I will try and keep this brief, but it probably won't be. I wish to convey the addictiveness this drug can have and the toll it can take on your mind and body. In the summer of 2022 I met my then bf who introduced me to the rave scene and drug scene he was a part of. He really only used K and Nitrous (which I will refer to as N going forward). He told me about his 1.5 years of being addicted to K, but did not inform me of his also 1.5 years (at the time) addiction to N. He told me after meeting me he didn’t want to abuse K anymore so as far as I knew when we started dating he got better about that.
It all started very early in the relationship. We went to a weekend festival together and both found doing N together was so fun. We continued on using and abusing N every weekend, and sometimes many weekdays. Probably going through 6 or 8+ tanks a week, this went on for like 3 months. Sadly, I do look back on those days fondly, despite what would happen later down the line. We had so much fun together and yes sadly it bonded us in this weird way. Using it causes you to feel more open and positive in the beginning, and we had so many heartfelt and deep conversations. And it felt like a little special world we could go into together.
At the time I had no clue how much those small-medium sized tanks cost ($65 and up for just one where we live). And he never told me how much they cost, and didn’t ask me to chip in, so I had no idea he was throwing himself into financial ruin buying them all the time. Looking back I have no idea why I didn’t ask, I just figured they were only $25 or something, or his friend was giving them to him, and I was aware it was probably a poor financial decision, but figured he could bounce back after the summer. You have to understand I thought I had him figured out, but I didn’t really know him that well at this point, or know about the drug scene at all. Before this I really only drank and smoked weed with the occasional cid or shrooms trip.
Three months into us dating and abusing N we come to the conclusion we just need to stop and take a break from N as this had all become quite excessive. Still he doesn’t explain to me how much debt he is in from buying all of those tanks over the summer. Two months into the break and he’s starting to crack, asking for me to be okay with us using it regularly. I tell him that I think it’s okay for us to just do it once and awhile. It was hard to not cave in because truthfully I missed it as well, I myself was starting to feel the addictiveness of this drug, so I reserved it so that I only ever did it with him. We go back to doing it occasionally on the weekends. Over the span of 1 month my bf started to constantly complain of having nerve issues, his feet and legs and hands were numb, I also noticed that he seemed really depressed. This is when he started to experience the vitamin B deficiency, although both me and him didn’t realize this at the time.
Around this time is when he finally and unceremoniously reveals to me how much these things actually cost. This is the tricky aspect of his personality I would go on to experience more of. It was clear he was resentful towards me, that I had no idea how much money he was spending, but the reality is if I had known how much those things cost I would have ended it a lot sooner. I didn’t even understand how he had the ability to spend so much money, I don’t even want to do the math. I would find out later he would just take out credit cards and max them out. In addition to him doing them with me occasionally, he was also doing them behind my back, which I had caught him doing several times and was always forgiving over this.
So, because of this constant spending he was in a substantial amount of debt. What he told me at the time was around $6,000. Knowing him, this was probably a generous assessment. This is definitely a point in the story where I should have left him. Clearly he was developing this addiction towards N and spent an ungodly amount of money that was beyond even my comprehension. But, I was head over heels and believed that he could figure this out. People go into debt all the time, I would tell myself. But I told him, this all needed to outright stop. No more N, not even occasionally. Unfortunately while he of course agreed to my face I have to suspect now, he was doing it behind my back all the time. Around this time he wouldn’t come home from work until 7 or 7:30 which didn’t make sense as his hours at work would fluctuate from time to time, but he was usually always off at 5. He would lie and say his work was very busy and made him stay later, which I believed at the time.
Maybe about a month later we are in bed together sleeping, it’s the middle of the night. He wakes me up and explains he literally cannot feel his feet or legs and has been having trouble walking for the past several days. I take him to the ER that night. This night and the following weeks after were some of the most heartbreaking and emotionally terrifying times of my life so far. At this time neither of us had any idea or reason to suspect N was the reason for this. We actually talked to the doctor there and ran tests for over 3 hours, he got an MRI and a spinal tap which was so hard to watch being done to him. It wasn’t until I desperately did research on my phone in the hospital room and suddenly see all of these remarks and reddit posts and studies about N causing paralysis and nerve damage. I tell my bf and the doctor and they have no trouble assessing that is what is causing this. They give him a regiment of vitamin B shots as you typically do in this situation. The doctor even said that they hope they can stop permanent damage from happening, because if not he may lose control of his legs and it may spread to his pelvic area (IE dick don’t work) etc, he had to do physical therapy and see a drug counselor.
The following days and weeks after I was constantly on edge worrying and wondering if my bf and love of my life would lose his ability to walk. Thankfully, the treatment took and he didn’t even end up needing physical therapy. This is when I truly believe or would like to hope he actually quit and wasn’t doing N behind my back. Unfortunately it wouldn’t matter, as I’ve learned, a lot of symptoms of N abuse don’t show themselves until after you stop. Shortly after this event is when our relationship took a nosedive. He had also ditched the drug counselor. To compensate for no N he was drinking so often. He started to become aggressive and violent. I remember it all started in a fight where he got real close and in my face and stared me down to try and intimidate me. In a way it was both terrifying and laughable (because he’s only a few inches taller than me), I couldn’t even comprehend the kind of person he had turned into. After that came the months and months of never ending name calling, insults, degradation, and constant arguments over every little thing I did. He became so addicted to the high of his power trip of making me feel small and weak he would find any excuse to fly into a rage at me, even when we were tripping on mushrooms together.
Nothing was ever the same after that. We didn’t go out, didn’t do dates, and every activity together felt like it was all a big chore to him. I could look in his eyes and see he was constantly thinking about N, and when he would do it next. He really changed, and what I am now realizing is he was probably starting to experience the effects of pure brain damage. My close friends who knew him even agree with me that there is a huge change in his demeanor around this time in April of 2023.
I also want to add more info about his bizarre behavior. He started to develop an unhealthy obsession with social media, scrutinizing what I posted and what he posted. He started to obsess over current events of any kind, any breaking story or ongoing conflict and he would rant and rant about the current state of the world and destruction of humanity all the time. He started to get obsessed with mental health and psychology and pathologize me and himself and other people in our lives. He would send me 10 videos everyday about mental health and relationships and expect me to reply and have a response for every single one like a book report. This obsession with the destruction of humanity turned into a paranoia about the world, he would often say no one understands him, and he is all alone. He turned on his best friends of several years because he was paranoid they were racists or had bad morals (they were all pleasant and nice people who enjoy edgy humor from time to time). There was no more middle ground for anything, you either loved something fully, or hated it fully. Somewhere down the line he actually got his account banned on Instagram for the craziest reason. He couldn’t stop or control himself from having heated arguments with random strangers in comments sections, of almost any video of any topic. He would insult people there constantly.
Here is another big mistake I made.I allowed him to live with me, and we moved in together. At this point we had been dating for a year. Before this I lived on my own and didn’t want to renew my lease, and he was living with his dad who was abusive and financially took advantage of him. At the time I was convinced that this bad behavior would go away if he could get away from his dad and his toxic household. Well the toxicity only followed. That summer we went to another weekend festival and he revealed to me when we got there he had purchased N and brought it. I was so conflicted as I myself had missed it quite a lot, and I had to deny myself my healthy regulated usage of it in order to not trigger him. I caved again and said we could do it only for this weekend. You may not at all be surprised to learn it didn’t end that way.
After the festival everything truly fell apart. He continued to buy tanks of N and do them behind my back constantly. He would say he was just going to his car to talk to his friends, or his mom, and be gone for hours. Because he was totally abusing me and I had no idea because I was under his spell of manipulation, I had no recourse. Any comment of mine asking why he was gone for so long, why can’t he just talk to his friends inside our apartment, I’ll go in the other room for privacy, was only met with complete indifference. These questions only pissed him off. He would say it’s because I was so exhausting and demanding he needed a break from me. When I would call him when he’s on one of these “excursions,” he would every so often mute the call while I was talking or in a silent moment. I eventually realized he was hitting the tank every time he muted himself. When I finally called him out on this he gaslit me and told me he just does this all the time because he coughs and clears his throat, fyi he had never done this before in our relationship. Because I had no recourse I just had to agree and move on. And because his mind was deteriorating more and more each day he would go on to make randomly muting himself in calls as a common, thing so as to keep up the facade he told me. Actual crazy behavior.
He even started doing K again, he would clearly be f-ed out of his mind by both K and N, and stumble around our apartment with crazy red bulging eyes and again and again tell me he was just drunk. Around this time is when he finally divulges to me not only had he been abusing K for the 1.5 years before he met me, he had also been abusing N for 1.5 years before he met me. And it wasn’t actually the case that he only “began” to become addicted to N when we started dating and doing it together. This really started to put a lot into perspective for me, and it made sense how he had almost paralyzed himself over this, now at this current time 3+ year addiction to these substances, and it made me realize how psychologically and cognitively he was failing based on changes in his personality. You also have to understand he explained to me before he met me, he was doing 1.5-2 grams of K or more and N, EVERYDAY.
And still at this time the name calling, insults and manipulation continued. He of course was no longer experiencing any true “high” from the N anymore, it would just simply dull his senses. It was like a stereotypical violent alcoholic husband comes home from the bar and berates his wife, kind of situation, except with N. And I became obsessed with figuring out how to get him to stop and go back to the loving person I remembered meeting and loving. I began to do very toxic things, going through his backpack, going through his car, and constantly always finding tanks and balloons and all kinds of paraphilia everywhere. I would find tanks in our recycling bin, like he actually thought I wouldn’t notice. I would come home late from being with friends and catch him passed out on the couch with an empty tank in his hand. He couldn't be left alone anymore. If he wasn’t with me, 100% of the time he was sitting in his car doing N. At this point in time there was no forgiveness, I was completely broken. I would yell and scream at him or wake him up and demand he stop and choose me or the drugs, all terrible things to be doing. I know that.
Eventually it got so bad I felt I had no other recourse other than to call and inform his mother of his behavior and what he had been doing all this time. Me doing this is probably what saved his life, as there was never anyway I was going to get through to him myself. But it did not save his mental health. Even having his mother involved didn’t stop any of it. He still went out and bought it behind my back like nothing happened. Another painful painful aspect of how his personality had changed is he would constantly have crazy back and forth mood swings, one minute showing me the sweet man I had fallen in love with, thanking me and praising me for having stepped in and put a stop to this, the next minute he hated me and I was the worst thing in his life and I could never tell what was even real anymore.
But did I leave, oh no, that would have been the smart thing to do.Instead at the time I was seeing a therapist who also specializes in couples therapy. I get us started with counseling and during our second session he gets called out by my therapist and yells and screams and berates her, it was actually insane. That is when things really ended between us. He moved out and moved into his moms apartment 30 minutes away that night. Even though the breakup was traumatizing and painful I still had hope that even if he isn’t with me, now he will receive help from his mother. Well, she didn’t place him in any special drug counselor program or rehab, she just severely cut off his finances so that he could pay off his debts, which she had bought back from several banks so it would not gain more and more interest. I do believe now his debt may be somewhere in the $10,000-$20,000 range. So now he, as an almost 30 year old man, needs to ask his mother in order to buy or purchase anything. Somehow, despite all of this I would learn he was continuing to do N and K.
Amazingly, we still tried briefly to even make our relationship work after he moved out. At this point he has mastered the art of manipulation and being fake, and convinced me he was getting better, he had even started to look better too, but he was still up to his old BS. He came over to the apartment once for us to have a mini date. Because he went on and on about how he was getting more and more into walks he said he was going to take a quick stroll around the block to get some fresh air. Well a quick stroll turns into 30 minutes, and I start to notice his car is gone from our street. I call him and he says now he is sitting in his car talking to his mom, I tell him I don’t see his car and it’s been a long time, he clearly had left to buy N. He becomes irate and claims he simply moved his car down the block for “reasons” and I was in the wrong for being accusatory and not trusting him. P.S. I went down the block and he just was not there. This guy is either absolutely crazy or thinks I’m some kind of imbecile, or both. It basically ended from there.
We tried to be civil, but he cannot control himself from completely going ballistic on me anymore, or his mother. And it is so painful when he is remorseful and doesn’t remember all the things he said to me. At this point I have had to realize I am basically talking to and trying to reason with a mentally disabled person. The fun loving, easy going, creative, altruistic, thoughtful, smart and attentive man I met doesn’t exist anymore, and I don’t think he will ever come back. All that remains is the shell of a confused and angry person.
Some small things to address, how it came to be that he abused these drugs all the time before he met me is because his best friend was a drug dealer and in the beginning would give him all of these things for free. Once he was hooked and doing it everyday it seemed he would stop at no end to spend money and buy them. Yes K was definitely a contributor into his mild psychosis but I still think it would have happened even from the N abuse alone, based on research I’ve been doing lately. And yes I have to admit I think he had bad and malignant psychological traits before abusing drugs, and doing that made it all worse.
So that is the story of how I watched this man ruin his life, and scare away maybe the only person who could withstand experiencing all of his BS and still wanted to love and help him. There are SO MANY things I too should have done differently. There is also an age gap between us of 3 years, so I naively thought he had a better handle on his life than he really did. I do find it hard to understand how people can be so addicted at times, but in the end like my ex, everyone is trying to chase some kind of feeling or experience that came with it, rather than the drug itself.
Thank you for reading if you made it to the end.
TLDR: Two years ago I started dating a guy who wasn’t honest with me about his 1.5 years of Nitrous abuse before we started dating. He was a sweet and honest and caring man when I met him. Sadly most of our relationship was spent on doing lots of Nitrous together. He eventually developed health problems like a vitamin B deficiency and even almost got paralysis and permanent nerve damage, which was hard for me to watch and witness. His health issues didn’t deter him away from Nitrous and he was constantly buying tanks and doing it behind my back. The more he abused Nitrous the more abusive towards me he became as a person. Our relationship crumbled and not even getting his mom involved helped. He was also clearly experiencing psychosis and mental deterioration. We broke up because he yelled and screamed at my therapist and he had to move in with his mom. Moving in with his mom didn’t stop his addiction even though she cut off his finances.
Even when we tried to make the relationship work he still abused it anyway. I would now consider him a mentally disabled person and I don’t recognize who he even is anymore after 3+ years of abusing Nitrous almost everyday. Please use Nitrous responsibly or don't at all.