TL;DR: I cheated on my girlfriend of 4.5 years by going on a date with another woman. We didn't hook up, but I recognize that doesn't matter. I got exposed via one of those "Are We Dating the Same Guy" pages 5 months later, we broke up, and then after a few weeks decided to slowly fix things. After genuine improvements both on an individual level and relationship level, I got caught being on Hinge after making an account while on an international trip. I didn't meet with any women and used the app purely because it was a passive distraction. She has since ended the relationship once and for all and we haven't spoken in two weeks. I am trying to determine if the relationship is officially over or if I should attempt to reach out over time to demonstrate that I still care and want to fight for this as I have the last few months...
Hello all -- from the onset, let me start by acknowledging that I recognize that there is no excuse for cheating. I've taken responsibility for what I've done from the start, began therapy, and I was making active (and recognized) improvements to show that I was committed to change. So, if you intend on burning me at the stake for cheating, or rubbing my face in the consequences of my actions, please know that I've already done as much to myself and then some. For background sake, my ex and I dated for about 4.5 years.
Long story short, I was posted on one of those "Are We Dating the Same Guy" Facebook groups back in January by a girl that I went on two dates with while dating my then-girlfriend. For context, my ex and I broke up in the Summer of 2022 because of mounting fights and because I was unable to commit to a move-in date. During the breakup, I downloaded Bumble and matched with a girl that I could maintain good conversation with. We texted/phoned a few times, but we never met in person. Eventually, my ex and I got back together about roughly a month later, I ghosted the Bumble girl, and my relationship with my girlfriend moved on. Fast forward to about a year later (fall of 2023) -- I was out one night at a local bar and the Bumble girl was there on a date with another guy. She texted me later that night noting how funny it was that the first time we saw each other in-person was when she was on a date. We continued to text and I eventually made the poor decision to go out on not one, but two dates with her. We didn't sleep together and I broke things off after the second date because I realized how stupid and selfish I was being.
Fast forward to five months later (January of this year), the Bumble girl posted me on the above-mentioned Facebook group... I'm still in disbelief that she'd do so after only two dates, but word got back to my girlfriend and things went as you'd expect. Things were turbulent, she broke up with me, said that she couldn't forgive me for what I did, and that was that. However, after a couple of weeks, we began to reconnect. We began spending time together, sleeping together, and I made it a point to highlight how sorry I was and that I'd make the necessary improvements to show her that I was committed to her. As time went on, we began making genuine improvements as a couple, and things were steadily becoming good again... Until I made another poor decision.
In mid-March, I went to Japan with a couple of friends and I downloaded Hinge simply because I was curious. Despite getting matches, I didn't meet with anyone and purely downloaded it out of curiosity. Unfortunately, I never deleted the app upon returning home. Time went on and my ex and I maintained our continued progress and we were on the brink of becoming "official" again. In fact, roughly 3 weeks ago we took our first trip post-January and had a romantic getaway at a lake-front property. We had an incredible time and truly felt like ourselves again. Upon returning home, that next Monday, she told me that she was the happiest she's ever been and truly saw me as a forever partner again. Then, a few hours later, she called me asking if I was on Hinge -- one of her sister's friends saw me on the app. That, my friends, was the last straw. She was enraged, told me she was done, and that she should've never let me back in.
Let me highlight that I recognize that I shouldn't have been on Hinge, but again, I was passively swiping as a means to dissociate from the turbulent scenario I found myself in. It's a point that I'm unpacking in therapy. When I came back from Japan, she began discussing the possibility of eloping (her aunt has terminal cancer and she wanted her aunt to see her get married before she died), began discussing moving in, and was generally mounting pressure on our relationship even though we still had work to do. Again, I am not excusing my behavior, but in a sense, I was dissociating from the stress by engaging in an otherwise unhealthy distraction. I didn't maintain conversations or meet any women during this time. To my ex, though, it didn't matter. According to her, if I was truly committed to making things work, I should've never been on the app in the first place. It's tough because, as a way to demonstrate my commitment, I gave her access to my location and tried to establish that if I was seriously pursuing other women, why would I give her my location? It made no difference.
She went on to block me (which she's never done) and told me to leave her alone so that she could heal from this/move on. So, I respected her wishes and didn't contact her. I recognize I blew my shot. Then, a week later (roughly 2 weeks ago), she called me asking if I had certain kitchen items which she most assuredly knew I didn't have. She then went on to ask me how I was doing, to which, we ended up speaking for over 3 hours. She went from being angry to crying/asking how I could jeopardize our relationship after my improvements, to informing me that she's moving apartments because she's set on moving on and that there's simply too much baggage for our relationship to survive. Certain things that she said throughout this call demonstrated that she loved me immensely and that she'd miss me, but that she recognized that this couldn't continue. It was a hard phone call to stomach because, by her unblocking me and spending 3 hours on the phone with me, it instilled some form of hope (in a weird way).
It's been two weeks since we've spoken and all I can think about is her. Especially in light of the real improvements we had made before this all happened. I really was working on improving myself and considered her to be my life partner... Look, as I've noted from the onset, I'm reaping what I sowed; however, the last two and a half months before all of this were filled with genuine improvement and I truly believed that we were going to make it. She herself acknowledged this before I was discovered on Hinge. I am working through with my therapist as to why I was on Hinge post-Japan, but I just feel like this shouldn't be terminal. With that said, I've continued to respect her wishes and I haven't contacted her despite wanting to. I want to respect her healing process, even if that means losing her, but I can't help but feel like I should reach out to show that I care and that I'm willing to continue fighting. I love her immensely, consider her my partner and best friend, and despite what my actions demonstrate, am a work in progress. Am I in denial regarding this being over? Is there a chance for me here? Or do I let time take its course and move on?

TL;DR: I cheated on my girlfriend of 4.5 years by going on a date with another woman. We didn't hook up, but I recognize that doesn't matter. I got exposed via one of those "Are We Dating the Same Guy" pages 5 months later, we broke up, and then after a few weeks decided to slowly fix things. After genuine improvements both on an individual level and relationship level, I got caught being on Hinge after making an account while on an international trip. I didn't meet with any women and used the app purely because it was a passive distraction. She has since ended the relationship once and for all and we haven't spoken in two weeks. I am trying to determine if the relationship is officially over or if I should attempt to reach out over time to demonstrate that I still care and want to fight for this as I have the last few months...
Hello all -- from the onset, let me start by acknowledging that I recognize that there is no excuse for cheating. I've taken responsibility for what I've done from the start, began therapy, and I was making active (and recognized) improvements to show that I was committed to change. So, if you intend on burning me at the stake for cheating, or rubbing my face in the consequences of my actions, please know that I've already done as much to myself and then some. For background sake, my ex and I dated for about 4.5 years.
Long story short, I was posted on one of those "Are We Dating the Same Guy" Facebook groups back in January by a girl that I went on two dates with while dating my then-girlfriend. For context, my ex and I broke up in the Summer of 2022 because of mounting fights and because I was unable to commit to a move-in date. During the breakup, I downloaded Bumble and matched with a girl that I could maintain good conversation with. We texted/phoned a few times, but we never met in person. Eventually, my ex and I got back together about roughly a month later, I ghosted the Bumble girl, and my relationship with my girlfriend moved on. Fast forward to about a year later (fall of 2023) -- I was out one night at a local bar and the Bumble girl was there on a date with another guy. She texted me later that night noting how funny it was that the first time we saw each other in-person was when she was on a date. We continued to text and I eventually made the poor decision to go out on not one, but two dates with her. We didn't sleep together and I broke things off after the second date because I realized how stupid and selfish I was being.
Fast forward to five months later (January of this year), the Bumble girl posted me on the above-mentioned Facebook group... I'm still in disbelief that she'd do so after only two dates, but word got back to my girlfriend and things went as you'd expect. Things were turbulent, she broke up with me, said that she couldn't forgive me for what I did, and that was that. However, after a couple of weeks, we began to reconnect. We began spending time together, sleeping together, and I made it a point to highlight how sorry I was and that I'd make the necessary improvements to show her that I was committed to her. As time went on, we began making genuine improvements as a couple, and things were steadily becoming good again... Until I made another poor decision.
In mid-March, I went to Japan with a couple of friends and I downloaded Hinge simply because I was curious. Despite getting matches, I didn't meet with anyone and purely downloaded it out of curiosity. Unfortunately, I never deleted the app upon returning home. Time went on and my ex and I maintained our continued progress and we were on the brink of becoming "official" again. In fact, roughly 3 weeks ago we took our first trip post-January and had a romantic getaway at a lake-front property. We had an incredible time and truly felt like ourselves again. Upon returning home, that next Monday, she told me that she was the happiest she's ever been and truly saw me as a forever partner again. Then, a few hours later, she called me asking if I was on Hinge -- one of her sister's friends saw me on the app. That, my friends, was the last straw. She was enraged, told me she was done, and that she should've never let me back in.
Let me highlight that I recognize that I shouldn't have been on Hinge, but again, I was passively swiping as a means to dissociate from the turbulent scenario I found myself in. It's a point that I'm unpacking in therapy. When I came back from Japan, she began discussing the possibility of eloping (her aunt has terminal cancer and she wanted her aunt to see her get married before she died), began discussing moving in, and was generally mounting pressure on our relationship even though we still had work to do. Again, I am not excusing my behavior, but in a sense, I was dissociating from the stress by engaging in an otherwise unhealthy distraction. I didn't maintain conversations or meet any women during this time. To my ex, though, it didn't matter. According to her, if I was truly committed to making things work, I should've never been on the app in the first place. It's tough because, as a way to demonstrate my commitment, I gave her access to my location and tried to establish that if I was seriously pursuing other women, why would I give her my location? It made no difference.
She went on to block me (which she's never done) and told me to leave her alone so that she could heal from this/move on. So, I respected her wishes and didn't contact her. I recognize I blew my shot. Then, a week later (roughly 2 weeks ago), she called me asking if I had certain kitchen items which she most assuredly knew I didn't have. She then went on to ask me how I was doing, to which, we ended up speaking for over 3 hours. She went from being angry to crying/asking how I could jeopardize our relationship after my improvements, to informing me that she's moving apartments because she's set on moving on and that there's simply too much baggage for our relationship to survive. Certain things that she said throughout this call demonstrated that she loved me immensely and that she'd miss me, but that she recognized that this couldn't continue. It was a hard phone call to stomach because, by her unblocking me and spending 3 hours on the phone with me, it instilled some form of hope (in a weird way).
It's been two weeks since we've spoken and all I can think about is her. Especially in light of the real improvements we had made before this all happened. I really was working on improving myself and considered her to be my life partner... Look, as I've noted from the onset, I'm reaping what I sowed; however, the last two and a half months before all of this were filled with genuine improvement and I truly believed that we were going to make it. She herself acknowledged this before I was discovered on Hinge. I am working through with my therapist as to why I was on Hinge post-Japan, but I just feel like this shouldn't be terminal. With that said, I've continued to respect her wishes and I haven't contacted her despite wanting to. I want to respect her healing process, even if that means losing her, but I can't help but feel like I should reach out to show that I care and that I'm willing to continue fighting. I love her immensely, consider her my partner and best friend, and despite what my actions demonstrate, am a work in progress. Am I in denial regarding this being over? Is there a chance for me here? Or do I let time take its course and move on?

Content Warning: Abduction, Child Abandonment, Drug abuse, Suicide
*I do not give my permission for this post to be re-used in any other platform or forum.
I would link to my post history but I think I posted years ago with a throwaway, so I'll try to summarize here. I've been with DH for over 20 years. He went NC with his mother earlier this year after she sent him a series of text messages complaining that he doesn't call her enough, what a bad son he is, and how miserable she is. He ignored her until he couldn't anymore and then called her to tell her off. She immediately hung up on him and they haven't spoken since. She abandoned him and his brother when they were children to run off to Mexico to be with her boyfriends, kidnapped them from their father (they were literally on milk cartons). DH is still dealing with the trauma of his upbringing, his little brother became a severe meth addict and committed suicide over ten years ago. She has only met my child once. I agonized a lot over that visit and it went pretty much how I expected it...that was over five years ago and she hasn't been back to my house, which has suited me just fine!
I haven't spoken to her in years. DH told me a couple of years ago that she had changed and wanted to "apologize" to me, but couldn't for the life of her remember what she did to make me so angry (there's too much to go into it now), and I said nope, that wasn't an apology, and when she had a clear memory of the way she had treated me and wanted to be accountable for it, maybe I would reconsider my position. I told him what I really needed was not to have a relationship with her, and he agreed and then a couple years later, finally followed suit after she had a few more psychodramas and proved me right. I've never tried to pressure or convince him to go NC, I knew that was a decision he needed to make on his own, but I fully support his decision to finally cut her off. We almost never talk about her and life is generally peaceful.
Until last night. My phone dings around midnight and there is a text from a number from her state (which thankfully is all the way across the country) and I know immediately from the area code who it is. It says in Spanish "I don't have to prove anything to you," which I find weird because I don't really speak much Spanish and she knows it, and a link to one of those sappy reels, also in Spanish, the gist of which says "let them lose you… you don’t owe it to anybody to explain the great person that you are." Right on brand for her, because nothing is ever her fault. I didn't reply and blocked the number, but then after a night of no sleep, I stewed about it and finally decided to unblock her and go off via text:
"You're absolutely right, MIL! You don't have to prove anything to me. If I ever want to remember what kind of person you are, I only need to think of the last 22 years, my traumatized husband, and my dead brother-in-law. You've done an EXCELLENT job showing me exactly who you are, so please, never trouble yourself about that...I've had your number for years!
What I will never be able to understand is a woman who has managed to alienate her entire family, including her two grandchildren, burn almost every bridge of friendship possible, and yet STILL has convinced herself that she is not the problem. She will literally choose estrangement with her only living son rather than do the necessary work to heal and be accountable for her mistakes. Absolutely anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid admitting that she has behaved like an utter spoiled child and has inflicted terrible harm on the people who loved her the most. That level of obstinate lack of repentance takes some real commitment...quite impressive!
I wish you the best of luck on your desperate quest to remain a perennial victim and convince yourself that we're all crazy and none of it is your fault, ever. I'm sure you'll find an endless supply of TikToks, YouTube videos, Instagram reels, Facebook groups, and self-help books created by your fellow Boomers, so feel free to continue indulging your delusion that you are a wonderful person, but kindly do not ever disrupt my peace again to share with me. I'm simply not interested, and believe me, MIL. I see you. I don't ever need any help from you on that front."
Two decades of trying to be diplomatic, kind, and then silent were enough. I know that none of it will land for her or have no delusions that she'll do any kind of self-reflection, but it felt good to finally say it. And frankly, that's what she gets after waking me up and costing me a night of sleep! #isaidwhatisaid

How should I (31F) respond to my old friend (28F) who hasn’t messaged me in a year?
I 31F have a cousin/friend I grew up with 27F. She had issues with her mom and spent a lot of time with my family growing up. We were very close and have lived together both as children and as adults.
We’ve had a few semi fights, but nothing major until last year. My mom and her got into it big time. I tried staying out of it best I could. I was pregnant and trying to appease them both.
I lost that pregnancy in April last year. My friend asked to come over the next day and I told her I wasn’t ready for company (I had been halfway through that pregnancy and it was my 13th loss in a row). I wasn’t handling it very well and my mom was also visiting. I didn’t want their drama. My friend responded back that she wanted to leave something on my porch, not that she wanted to come in.
That was the last message I received in over a year. I had told her that was fine I just didn’t want company (I wasn’t in a good headspace). She never responded. A few weeks later, I got out of my funk and felt more like myself. I reached out to meet up and again, no response. That same day, she was with our other cousin hanging out just up the road from me. I was upset but figured she’d message me eventually.
She never did. Actually, she deleted me as a friend on Facebook and at some point, blocked me. Fast forward to now and my mom is talking to her again. There was a death in the family and the two of them had to handle things together. So now they’re texting, meeting up for lunch, etc. I’m upset with my mom as well because part of my saying no to her visit last year, was because of my mom. They went to lunch this last Saturday, day before Mother’s Day and the day I was celebrating it. My mom missed out on the lunch my husband made for me, her, and his mother to go hang out with my friend. I was hurt, but that’s another issue.
Last night, Mother’s Day, my friend texted me for the first time to tell me happy Mother’s Day. I didn’t want to be rude and said “thanks, you too” but now she’s messaged again and seems to be trying to start up a conversation. I checked, she’s also unblocked me on FB. I’m not sure if I should ignore her, tell her I’m not interested in talking, explain things and see what she says, or just turn over a new leaf. I should note, I’m pregnant again and I know I’m emotional. So I don’t want to make a rash decision.
It pisses me off that she dropped me after a loss like that. She had just said I could always call her and she’d always be there for me and then stopped speaking to me. No true friend would do that. But we were very close once, have kids the same age, and a part of me wants an explanation. Any advice on what I should do?

(I made a same post but with the photos of texts that "she" sent to me on my account since all the communities that I want to post don't allow them)
So it's mother's Day and my mom is absent in our lives until "now". I won't go into my whole life story but tl:dr tried her best but made hard by being emotionally unstable, unavailable, and would aid it with alcohol and verbal fights. Ok the reason why we're here. I (elder sibling) got kicked out with my dad in 2021. shit got worse in early 2022 with her in financial. Kicked my second oldest sister out during that time. Mom's mom died later that year in September. Forced the rest of my younger siblings to live with us for no reason after it. Horrible funeral/week due to her shit talking, and has been absent pretty much since then. Sure my younger siblings had the visits every other week but it slowly turned into months and now going into more than half a year. During the months of no visits "she" would text my younger siblings through social media, we come from a foreign family so older family members don't have much of an English grasp (unless its my dad multilingual mf) and "her" messages got more articulated in English grammar, at first it was more noticeable with the emails between my parents with her usual simple and poor one sentences, all of sudden proper English with paragraphs. It took so time after those first emails that the text between my siblings and mom started to look the same as the emails. This may be wrong on our part but we had suspicion that someone else was texting for her, so dad found some new guy that was friends on Facebook with her and when the kids visited her they confirmed that it was the same guy living with her. Dad found the 2 ex-wives (out of 3) of his and found out he's a huge con artist that's not allowed to fly internationally (due to his arrest as a con artist, his visa is stripped.) The new boyfriends plan usually was to meet some hopeless women, have a kid and then get married, then proceeded to lie about needing money for sick family in the USA, at first he was in the USA then left to the CAD after he left his first wife. He proceeded to do that for the rest of them. Currently, he's not allowed to talk to the kids from his first and one of the kids from his third ex-wives, while he still allowed visitation rights for the other one and the one he has with his second ex-wife. You may be wondering why this was included but it's because since dad still talks to the second and third ex-wives, he's found out that mom has been seen her boytoys kids more than her own kids, since he needs a supervisor when he visits his kids. When we found out he was texting for mom, dad emailed them telling him to stop texting to the younger kids as mom or else the cops were going to get involved, he replied showing no means to stop and this had happened in December 2022-Jaurary 2023. Ever since then they stopped trying hide the fact that it was him texting as her, and slowly over time though we had blocked her on all social media platforms. Before we had blocked her though, my oldest younger sister, started texting mom telling her to leave us alone and that, us, as the kids didn't want anything to do with her anymore until she stopped the abusive cycle she's put us all in. During all of that, she was calling the same sister at random times at night which started to affect her mental health really badly and she couldn't go to school cause of it. It got worse when she randomly showed up at my her and my little brothers school doing something with their school information, mom tried saying hi and saying she missed them, which scared my sister more thinking she was going to show up again. She tried telling mom that what she was doing was affecting her really badly, they proceeded to respond in the most foolish way, "thinking" that dad was texting, when my sister was trying to be the most professional she could be in that situation. After that situation, all the siblings blocked mom on everything and mom had previous encounters on social media already, so I kept her unblocked on gmail so I could laugh at the emails she can send, like today. The first email is proof how they would respond when they though it was dad, and the second one is from today and you can see the grammatical difference between the two, which explains our suspicions and why we did what we did. By the way, the reason why we can't do anything to restrict communication between mom and my siblings is because here we have a law where only 15+ can get some sort of a restraining order against someone and the oldest sibling of the youngest is a year or 2 from being able to, and for dad, this all still going through court trials (this why 2022 was shitty to begin with) cause of that, dad's been trying co-operative while mom has been doing the complete opposite, causing the court stuff to drag on. As much as what we're doing isn't the nicest or what you would call supportive but 18+ years of neglect, harm, and deprivation has caused a lot of pain and struggle coming into adulthood and with mom doing these moments still, I feel like I'm getting dragged back into my little self. Every one of my siblings shows their hurt from her in their different ways but not gonna lie with these months of no communication with mom, I've seen my family grow into people we should've been growing up with her, I don't have my old habits like tiptoeing everytime, everyday just for talk or food, or having to blust music 24/7 into headphones because she'd always scream at anyone for doing something wrong, we joke without worrying about someone commenting negative, we can play and rough house without yelling, we can be loud without someone screaming to shut the hell up, we can do our chores whenever we can, not being screamed at to do it at this moment. There's been ups and downs with our growth but this is a lot better than being not human living with her.
This year's mother's Day hasn't been pleasant, but I do enjoy the company of my grandma's, alive and dead. Happy mother's Day.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/lolfuckno.
This post was originally posted to weddingshaming.
There was already a BoRU post by u/autochthonouschimera, which didn't include the last update yet.
TRIGGER WARNING: cheating, child neglect, extreme entitledness, talk of abortion
MOOD SPOILERS: infuriating, confusing, frustrating
The new update at the bottom of this post has been marked with --- ---
Original story was posted on December 7, 2021
Okay, so this girl I know from high school is getting married. We're both 22, for reference. In our senior year of high school she got pregnant, with baby daddy A who will be referred to as Adam. Her super conservative parents kicked her out and she ended up moving in with a friend's family. She barely graduated high school. The only reason she did were because of the generosity and support of our teachers and students who volunteered to help her, which is how we met. We were in the same law class in the morning and she had the worst morning sickness that really affected her ability to be in class. So, I took extra notes for her, tutored her, and brought her her stuff if she hadn't come back by the bell. I wasn't the only one who did stuff like this for her and I know she really appreciates all the assistance we gave her. She had the baby a month after we graduated.
She'd signed up for a 911 dispatcher course for after high school because where we live it's a good steady job, with opportunity for certificates and promotions. But she didn't realize how intensive the course would be and had to drop out. She started working at a grocery store bakery, just until she had a better plan. Adam started an apprenticeship while working part time at a hockey rink, and proposed to her literally the day of her eighteenth birthday, and brought up marriage because "it's the right thing to do" (I don't really agree with that but this isn't about me) and she was always refusing.
She started cheating on him after a while (we're all 19 now), and eventually leaves him for another guy because... She's pregnant again and it is far more likely that this guy, baby daddy B who will be referred to as Brad, is the father of the child. Neither of them can afford lawyers so getting any kind of custody agreement is a mess, and then their parents got involved and they did 50/50 split (still not made official). She has the baby, that does turn out to be Brad's, and everything is okay for about nine months, when she finds out Brad has been cheating on her with his TA. Brad decides to pay child support but doesn't really want contact with the kid, only around holidays and one weekend a month for his parents' sake.
She moves back in with her parents (we're all 20 now) who only accept her back because there's grandchildren around. On the plus side, (when she's 21) she gets to take that year long dispatcher course, and passes with flying colours!
After working as a dispatcher for a year (we're all 22 now) she meets a police officer we'll call Chad, who's 26 and married... And Adam's second (?) cousin (I can't remember how they're related, just that Adam and Chad are related somewhat distantly). She has an affair with him (infidelity is super common among cops apparently). She gets knocked up, his wife divorces him, Chad proposes because "it's the right thing to do", she accepts, and her parents kick her out again for being a [insert expletive here], she moves in with Chad with her two kids. They've started planning the wedding, which... Given the background is something akin to a dumpster fire. Adam is LIVID. He was desperately in love with this girl and hasn't really recovered from what she did to him, and while she rejected his proposals years ago, she's accepted one FROM HIS COUSIN WHO PROPSED FOR THE SAME REASON HE DID.
Adam has basically made a call for loyalty in the family, dividing everyone one who should go, who should give money, etc plus they're having trouble planning anything because of COVID. Her parents have outright said that they're not going, along with half of her family, and her younger sister has been going around and sabotaging what plans they can make.
She has asked me to be a bridesmaid, I said that I couldn't because I live in a different province now, but the truth is, I do not want to be wrapped up in that clusterfuck in any way . I'm just watching the arguments and events unfold on social media because this is quite honestly the most entertaining thing I've seen all year. It's weird to me that she even asked because we're not friends, we never have been. We were friendly strangers in high school, I just helped her out for one class because she needed help and I could give it to her. I was just being nice. But based on how she turned out I'm just sad for her. Three kids in four years, and she's alienated so much of her friends and family because if her actions, and I'm torn between feeling sorry for her and putting my head in my hands.
EDIT 1:
First off, all of your comments are hilarious. Second, I'm going to answer some of the common questions.
We're from a city with over 400,000 thousand people, she just comes from the neighbourhood that is made of either bible thumpers or white trash, with no in between. But the high school we went to was in a completely different neighbourhood than that.
Our school had a pretty good sex Ed course, and they gave out free condoms and had resources to help girls get birth control, and they had programs in place for if students ever got pregnant/were going to be teen parents (they also had one of those classes with the dolls for girls who were high risk at teen pregnancy but she wasn't high risk so she wasn't in that class) I don't if BC just didn't work for her, or if she never tried it.
She started alienating her friends after the affair with Chad came out, because people weren't exactly jumping for joy that she'd broken up a marriage (Chad and his ex didn't have any kids, thankfully, so there were less obstacles). When people weren't immediately ecstatic for her she started getting very snippy, rude, and was "calling the bitches out" on social media for not supporting her new relationship or pregnancy. (Tbh I'm really worried about her health because having this many babies so close together is just not good for her health, mental or physical.) People are also worried that Chad will cheat on her "if he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you" and think she should avoid marrying him so that she can just leave him if it happens.
I'll give you updates as they come out, but so far it's just a lot of yelling on social media (mostly from her), some relatives slut shaming her, and people who are just really worried about her because, as funny as this is, this doesn't seem like healthy behaviour.
EDIT 2:
First off, I realized I never gave this girl a name. For the sake of clarity we'll call her Beth. I realize that I didn't mention this before, but all of these are fake names.
Second, to everyone commenting that Chad is at fault for his marriage breaking up, believe me I'm well aware of that. It is his ex wife and her family/friends who solely blame Beth. Chad is also older than her and has more life experience, so I do believe that he could potentially be taking advantage of her naivete. However, she is also an adult who is capable of making her own decisions and has chosen to make poor ones in the past.
Third, people who are upset that I'm posting this story here, claiming I'm humiliating her. She has been posting about this mess on every social media platform she has since they got engaged in July. She put this out there long before I did except she did so in front of friends, family, employers, and coworkers, as well as internet randos.
Fourth, despite getting engaged in July and attempting to start planning then, I was only asked to be a bridesmaid three days ago. I knew that there was a mess going on but I didn't really pay attention to it until she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I tried to ask what was going on, I said that she should talk to someone, but when she completely brushed me off I checked her FB and Instagram and found out about all of... This.
Fifth, I realized that I didn't really talk about how disastrous the wedding planning has been going, see here you go:

• they've had to rebook three times because venues and vendors kept cancelling when infection numbers got worse even thought their wedding was months away
• Beth has been flipping between having the wedding while she's pregnant saying she's proud of her bump, and wanting to wait until they're born because she feels fat, which is unfortunate because she's been breaking down due her insecurity on a public platform
• Beth is currently seven months pregnant
• Beth's great aunt was going to give her her wedding dress to wear (after she gives birth) but Beth's mom freaked and stole the dress from said aunt before Beth could get it and is now keeping it, the great aunt says she's too old to get in a fight and has shrugged it off
• Chad's immediate family is paying for the wedding and has been cut off by the rest of their extended family for 'choosing Chad'
• Beth's wedding colours are pink and green, which is usually a nice combo but the specific shades don't go great together, they're her and Chad's favourite colours, which is fine but she literally made a video talking about these colours for 14 minutes on her insta and both of her kids are just full on bawling in the background and she's ignoring them and she's gotten some flack for that
• Adam is finally settled into his trade and has now hired a lawyer and is trying to get primary custody and not allow his daughter to go to the wedding
• she's planning a zoom baby showebachelorette party and has sent out a registry and she's asking for crazy expensive things
• she's also set up a go fund me to help pay for a honeymoon and is making a lot of posts about how no one loves her cause the fund only has $1267 of the $20k she wanted

I'll update when I can but I'm still in school and while I do want to help her, she's refused help offered in the past and there's only so much of this I can take mentally right now.
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UPDATE:
Hey everyone, so some stuff has gone down, and it doesn't look like it's over yet. Sorry, I didn't update sooner, but Rona came back with a vengeance and totally messed up plans with uni and family. Anyway, onto the update.
From the last update - 16th - Lots of ranting and chaotic wedding planning on social media, she found a dress and has decided she will get married while pregnant, they found a local wedding venue that is very lovely, but I'm shocked she's still trying to book stuff with all of their previous venue cancellations.
December 16th - Her little sister unblocked her to call her a s*ut and tell her that all her wedding plans were stupid. This resulted in a petty and entertaining facebook war until the little sis blocked her again on the 17th.
December 18th - Beth went nuts on social media because Adam had "kidnapped" their daughter, what really happened is that because courts are moving at a snail's pace due to COVID and Adam had reason to believe that their daughter was not safe living with Beth he decided to just... Not give her back. They don't have a custody agreement, and when Beth tried to call the cops they couldn't do anything because he was kinda right. There were dozens of videos on her various social media accounts of her ignoring their daughter, yelling at her daughter for crying or doing other things that toddlers do, it turns out that everything she needed was bought by Adam, food, diapers, clothes, toys, daycare (while it was open) etc. on top of the unofficial child support he was paying every month (which turned out to be $500 a month, a number I find ridiculous because Adam was already paying for literally everything) because she refused to buy anything for her daughter and insisted it was Adam's responsibility. Additionally, after the immediate post-birth appointments, Beth never took baby A to a doctor's appointment, she always deferred that to Adam. Baby A's pediatrician has NEVER met Beth. Beth even tried to get Chad to push back or intimidate him or something, but the local police where we live are under one hell of a microscope after a bunch of dirty cops got busted a couple of years ago. Basically, the cops, and the social worker they ended up calling, ended up saying there was nothing she could do until they get to court. The social worker tried to get her to go to therapy and parenting classes, but Beth refused and went on a fifteen paragraph long rant on Facebook about how she doesn't need parenting classes or therapy (she really, really does though) and called the social worker some choice words.
December 19-24 - Just a bunch of ranting on social media, calling everyone who doesn't enable or justify her behaviour cuss words, slurs, and a whole bunch of other horribly creative things. Also, both she and Chad are under investigation at work now, but she has no idea why. I'm gonna take this time to remind everyone that 99% of this info is coming from her public social media pages where her coworkers are friends and place of employment is listed.
December 25 - I am officially embarrassed to know this woman. I didn't go on her FB page until the evening cause I didn't want to deal with drama, first thing in the morning, on Xmas. In the morning she put on a very beautiful blue maternity dress, got Chad in his police blues, and baby B in a purple romper, and then live-streamed her and her family going to the courthouse to get married on Christmas day. (According to her Twitter, part of this was because their newest venue cancelled on them after COVID numbers spiked) Overall, a pretty tacky thing in my opinion because she stated plain as day, several times, that she intended her wedding anniversary to eclipse Christmas for her children because it's just "so much more special, you know?" (I am so glad that Baby B's grandparents are filing for guardianship) But here's the thing... The courthouse isn't open. Because of COVID for one thing, but also because it's Xmas and Canada has a predominantly Christian history. She proceeded to have a full meltdown, and when Baby B cried because, y'know, the kid's mom was screaming up a storm and scaring her, Beth called her a c*nt. Yup. So done with this bitch.
December 28 - I ran into her at a vaccine clinic cause we were both getting our booster shots. She didn't recognize me at first but one of my old bosses (cause I used to work at the hospital the vaccine clinic was in) called my name and said hi, so she came up to me after my old boss had left. We talked a bit while we sat down for the mandatory waiting period after getting the shot. She asked how I was but didn't even wait for me to respond before she started ranting and complaining about her life. I was just going to sit there until the time was up and then just politely make my exit, but when she started talking shit about her kids something inside me snapped. I just said "Do you even like your kids? Do you like being a mom?" She got pretty quiet for a second and then said "no". Idk, her voice and demeanour completely changed and we just sat in silence until our time was up. I said goodbye but it was really awkward.
December 31st (today) - I just looked at her feed and, this is such a shocking what-the-actual-f*** moment. She's thinking about giving up her kids. She went on about how recently she was asked if she liked her kids or being a mom, and how she realized that she didn't. She hates her children and blames them for ruining her life, and how she doesn't want to be a mom. I mean, nothing is official yet, but what the hell?!
I'll update as stuff happens now that I have the time, but this whole thing has been a big giant mess. Also, sorry for any formatting or grammatical errors, I'm not used to using Reddit on my PC.
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UPDATE
Okay, so, some stuff has happened and most of it's good? Also, the TL:DR for this update will be at the bottom
Jan 4th - Beth (and Chad) stopped posting on all social media. I was actually a little worried she died, I mean this woman posts everything short of her trips to the bathroom on IG.
Oddly enough, this got people messaging or interacting with her social media pages because she was usually the one to start contact, and that contact was usually yelling. No one heard from them and some people started to be like "should we call the cops for a wellness check?" Until Chad posted a status saying that they're fine but are "busy, please stop trying to contact us right now". Everyone listened but it was weird.
Jan 11 - I got a notification that Beth and Chad are active on social media again, but I didn't feel like drama so I didn't check out any of their posts.
Jan 12 (today) - she messaged me on FB asking me to be her MOH. She also kept going on about the resort in Cancun that she and Chad were looking to have their wedding at... This coming February. Omnicrom is really bad where we are, so no one should be travelling anywhere. I've actually had to delay my trip back to the province where I go to university. No one should be travelling anywhere.
Beth also found out that Chad was cheating on her with one of her co-workers and called the woman a "homewrecker" on FB tagged her, and posted the texts she found on Chad's phone. But Chad is the "love of her life" so she's forgiven him, but not the other woman. Which I find very hypocritical, considering how she and Chad got together.
She also sent pics of possible bridesmaid dresses and they are the most hideous dresses I've ever seen. I know that some brides do that thing where they want to look a million times better by comparison but this was just ridiculous. One of them looked like a partially deflated balloon with feathers strapped to it. She also openly admitted that she expected everyone attending to pay 3k, 2k would go towards that guest's stay at the resort and 1k would go to her and Chad and they will expected wedding gifts, so that they could get their room for free. Apparently, she talked to someone at the resort and if she got enough people to book their rooms she and Chad would get theirs for free. She also wanted the money to be given to her instead of directly to the hotel so that people wouldn't realize that she was taking 1k of their money. Beth sent me a pic of the wedding dress she wanted, and it's definitely a clubbing dress. If that's what she wants that's fine (and for the record I do think she would look great in it, Beth's (current) dream wedding dress ) but she wants all the guests to be dressed black tie. And she's already sent a list of unreasonable requests. Such as;

• all women must wear heels (for a wedding in the beach???)
• no one is allowed to have a baby or be pregnant (really?)
• girls must have longer than shoulder length hair, boys must have very short hair, only and inch or two long
• no one is allowed to be skinnier than her
• she will be providing diets for everyone attending based on how she wants us to look
• she and Chad must get bachelor and bachelorette parties both in Canada and in Mexico that need to be "fit for a king and queen" and both must be paid for but anyone but the bride and groom "cause that's just tacky"
• no unnatural hair
• no tattoos (you have five tattoos, Beth, and in the dress you want all will be on full display)
• no one is allowed to talk to her directly, they must speak through the MOH and BM

Honestly there's a lot more but I didn't feel like typing all that out. She's posted the list on FB and IG and people are already calling her a bridezilla.
I was also just kinda weirded out because aside from the previous convo at the hospital and when she originally asked me to be a bridesmaid, we haven't spoken since high school. So I respectfully declined, stating that the virus and school were my top concerns right now. Then, I decided to check her socials to see if she'd posted anything. She had and everything was basically how it was before the hiatus... Except her kids are nowhere to be found. No "look at my cute baby" pics are kids crying in the background of her videos. Nothing. Though, based on her new pics of herself, she's given birth to baby C. I mean, she's definitely still recovering, but she also definitely had a baby and that baby is not on any of her socials, so when she responded to my decline with an attempt at guilting me to be her MOH, I asked her where her kids were. This was her response.
"Oh, I left them at the side of the road in our way home from the hospital those moochers could walk home lol"
I was like, please tell me you're not being serious (especially cause it looks like she had the baby days ago). And she replied "I was just joking you shouldn't be so serious all the time". Honey, you made a joke about child abandonment/abuse, you're not being serious enough. And then I finally got the update on the kids.

• Baby A is still with Adam, Beth signed away her rights
• Baby B and Baby C have been given to a mutual cousin of Adam and Chad who is infertile (tbh I didn't need that last tidbit of info or the three paragraph long rant about how God hates infertile women, I didn't even read all of it, I couldn't, and I didn't think that Beth could be so cruel to even think those things). I checked out the FB page of Baby B's grandparents and they're happy with their grandchild's new parents, it looks like the cousin and her husband and welcoming them to the family as another set of grandparents and will let them have access to B. So yay!
• One thing I do need to stress though is that because of COVID the courts in our areas are either moving at a snail's pace or closed, so none of this is "official" but Beth (and Chad) has signed paperwork and all that needs to happen now is presenting that to a judge.

And when I rejoined our convo she said the doc she had for baby C gave her brith control, and she was surprised cause after her first pregnancy she asked her doctor for it but he refused to give her any. She mentioned that her old doctor was also her mom's and sister's doctor, she ended up asking the doc who delivered baby C to be her new doctor, so I hope that works out.
After learning all this my convo with Beth started to go down hill...
Beth: wait, did you actually think I would just leave my kids at the side of the road! I just didn't want to be a mom, but I wasn't a bad one
Me: Beth, I think that you've been through a lot of trauma in the past few years, and that it's gotten to you mentally and that you should speak to a professional.
(Of course, Beth has been a bad mom, but she does need mental health help and I wasn't going to convince her to get it, or to not tell at me, if I said that )
Beth: what? You think I'm crazy?!
Me: no. I think that getting kicked out as a teen because of a pregnancy and having your family actively reject you and try to sabotage you must have been very painful. Plus, pregnancy puts a lot of mental stress on women and you've had three in such a short time span, I just want you to take care of yourself and get what you want in life, and I think that will start with you taking care of your mental health.
Beth: what I want... IS FOR YOU TO GO STRAIGHT TO HELL! Beth then calls me every cuss word, expletive, and derogatory word she can think of one of the words she called me was a derogatory word about people from my ethnicity and my blood is boiling that she thought it was okay to say that to me.
So, I'm now on her hit list. She's been blowing up my social media all day, on her last FB post where she called me a slur she said that she still expects a good wedding gift from me. Yeah, no. So I've blocked her on everything, and I've decided to completely cut off contact. This will be my last update.
TL:DR - Beth went on a social media blackout for a bit, had baby C. Gave up all her kids, baby A is still with Adam, Baby B and Baby C are with a mutual cousin of Adam and Chad and baby B's grandparents have access. Chad cheated on her and she forgave him, but she probably shouldn't have. She's decided to have her wedding in a little over a month in Cancun and is expecting unreasonable things of everyone already. She asked me to be MOH I respectfully declined. I also suggested that she talk to a mental health professional because she's been through a lot in the last few years and she cussed me out, she also called me a derogatory name directed at people of my ethnicity and that was the final nail in the coffin. I'm now on her hit list. But her kids are safe and I have no interest in going to wedding so I'm cutting contact completely and have already blocked her on all my socials. I'm refusing to be involved with her anymore and will not be updating on the situation.
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--- EDIT - NEW UPDATE --- - JANUARY 25, 2023 - TL:DR AT THE BOTTOM
Hi, everyone, I didn't think I would be making another update, but here I am. I don't know if anyone will even care but whatever. I saw a YouTuber, Charlotte Dobre, do an entire video about this post on Facebook (which was funny, she did it well), [editor's note: here's the video in question and also: check out Charlotte Dobre's subreddit !] and got so nervous that Beth was gonna see it. Turned out, she's seen it and does not give a single damn, because as I pointed out, the majority of the info in this post came from her public social media. She also doesn't know who posted it (more on that in the update). I am still no contact with Beth and have no plans to change that anytime soon, but we have mutual friends who have told and shown me what's happened.
First things first, she and Chad did get married, but they eloped. According to all sources they are completely and utterly miserable though. Chad has proven to be and overall lazy and unfaithful husband, and Beth has really gotten into feminism (with a focus on reproductive issues) after she started using birth control, and Roe v Wade getting overturned (even though we're in Canada) really caused tension in their marriage. As it turns out, Chad thinks that abortion is murder and God created women for the purpose of making babies.
Beth tried to argue that not all women want or should be mothers using herself as an example, and then Chad went ahead and used her as an example of why women should be forced to have kids, because in the end she gave kids to an infertile couple. She didn't take that well and said that her entire life and future was ripped away from her and destroyed the second she got pregnant with baby A. Adam was never slut shamed or demeaned like she was, both at home and at school (which is a fair point, myself and many others were helpful and supportive but there were a lot of people who judged the hell out of her and said really nasty stuff) and that if she hadn't gotten pregnant she would've gone to college or university because she lost the general and financial support of her family with that positive pregnancy test. Chad has made a Tinder account. Beth was informed but it doesn't seem like she gave a damn.
So basically you could cut the tension with a knife.
And with her family, her sister came out as gay and cut off/has been cut off from their parents. But she's got a partial scholarship so she's doing okay. She and Beth are NOT on good terms but have met up and acknowledged that their parents messed them up by being religious nuts and their parents encouraged them to be competitive with each other and sabotage each other. Apparently their dad's motto is "competition brings out the best in everyone" (ugh). But they've talked and that's good enough for now.
Neither Beth nor Chad have custody or visitation of their children, which Chad is starting to regret because he's suddenly getting more and more into the church and religion. Chad talked to Beth about getting baby C back but Beth shut that down hard and warned the cousin who adopted baby C (officially and legally btw).
Beth started going to therapy after she and Chad got married, which makes me very happy and excited for her.
There was a rumour going around that Chad has a mistress and it took me a while to confirm, but it's true. He's cheating on her with a paramedic and she knows. Beth is fully aware. Idk if she plans to do anything about it or just continue to ignore it, but I hope she leaves his ass. I'm still not gonna talk to her, she crossed so many lines, but she's grown and improved a lot and her life would be a lot better without that sac of scum in her life.
Now, I have given a few details in my post that should've revealed my identity to her, namely her asking me to be her MOH. I have found out that she actually asked around 15 girls (including myself) to be her MOH, without telling any of us about the others because she was trying to get money from all of us and because her mental health has just been very bad and she needed help. And of those 15, 8 have been going to school out of province and of those eight we all had basically the same classes in high school. And apparently doesn't remember our discussion at the vaccination clinic and had major blow up with everyone she asked to be MOH. So she knows it's one of 8 people and reportedly has no interest in trying to narrow that number down. (Chad did the same thing with his groomsmen, but idk any of the numbers)
TL:DR Beth and Chad got married (eloped), are miserable, have zero custody or visitation with any of their children, Chad's cheating and Beth doesn't appear to care, Chad is super sexist, Beth is a feminist now, Beth's sister is gay and they've talked but not reconciled, Beth asked too many girls to be MOH for money and doesn't know the ID of who made this post.
Dear "Beth", if this post gets forwarded to you or somehow graces your phone screen, leave Chad. He's trash and you'll be much better without him in your life. And though I'm not willing to talk to you again because of your words and actions, I do wish for you to have a wonderful and happy life.
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Please remember the NO BRIGADING RULE: do not comment on the original posts linked in BoRUs, see Rule 7. Doing so can result into a permanent ban from this sub and the other linked sub(s).
I'm not the OOP!

So me and my ex ended our relationship in October time, I ended it due to how he was acting. In December he blocked me everywhere the day after saying he loves me, he also text my mother saying he loves me and wants me back, and I respected that he needed space but he gave me zero explanation as when we finished he still wanted to stay friends. But since then he’s came back every month reaching out to my family asking how I am. Eventually he unblocked me so I text him asking what he wanted. He told me that he wants to fix things so I agreed to meet him, he didn’t make plans to when and where so it never happened, he told me there’s nothing more he wants then to fix what we had. But then the next day text me saying he can’t be friends as we’ve been through too much. But then continued talking and said it’s best we don’t talk because it won’t work, I said I respect that if you truly want then then replied saying he doesn’t know what he wants. For the last few weeks we’ve spoken every day, just small talk. But I just don’t know whether to tell him how I still feel about him or if he’s just manipulating me. He has me unblocked on instagram but blocked everywhere else, and has kept some of my family but not others. He kept adding and unadding my mother on Facebook, when she accepted him to see what was up, he blocked her. I don’t know if he’s unsure on how I feel so doesn’t want to open up to me or is just playing games.
Any insight from a males perspective would be great. I am a psychology student so behaviour fascinates me and I am interested in this stuff, but when it’s about myself bias takes over, obviously there are some clear signs of somebody not being over you and so on, but I can’t understand him. I feel like he isn’t over me and wanted to test the waters but keep his options open. I appreciate it if you take the time to read this or offer some advice, thank you.

6 Days since I was sextorted. I don’t know if they’ve given up or are continuing to pursue me but I’ve deactivated all Meta related apps and blocked them anywhere else. What I need to understand is how they work in hopes to protect myself in the future and how to avoid them from finding me. Below is my situation:

1. Matched Hinge, decent back and forth, I asked for socials - didn’t give insta but went to snap
   
2. Snapchat; talked back and forth a little here and there - 4 days later my idiot self made the dumb mistake of sending pics after “she” sent many before
   
3. I was then asked to meet up for a date and “call me let’s setup a date”. At this point I was not suspicious as it seemed genuine to follow-up. They asked for WhatsApp. I don’t have WhatsApp and don’t like it linked to my #. However, I made a google voice # just to be safe and registered with that (all on my phone fyi). I sent a message, tried calling, got disconnected and WhatsApp banned my account instantly.
   
4. This was suspicious and I told “her” that it didn’t go through and that I got banned, so then I got a SMS on my google voice #. And then instantly they sent me all the videos/photos that I had sent recorded on their end and began the sextortion. At this point I was freaking out, I immediately blocked them on Snap and Hinge. Uninstalled WhatsApp. And then I continued getting messages on my Google Voice SMS. I didn’t block them here, I didn’t respond at ALL on any platforms. I just kept it in case I needed proof and SMS is generally not interactive in any way.
   
5. After this, they made an instagram acct with one of my photos and posted some (thank god not all) photos and tagged some ppl from my friends list on instagram. I reported and blocked this acct. They made a second one, I reported and blocked. They made one on Facebook and started commenting on my recent posts as well as messaging ppl on my friends list trying to either befriend or share photos. I blocked the acct but I forgot to report it in the panic (idk if it’s up or not but I unblocked to see if I can get to their profile to report but I couldn’t so maybe gone?)
   
6. I also received a FB messenger notification saying the usual “you want me to stop? Just tell me” etc. I had my Instagram PRIVATE before this. I was dumb enough to have FB public. Since then I updated everything to private, and then deactivated. I’ve occasionally reactivated to check for any notifications/messages. Last time I checked was 3 days ago. No new msgs since the first 2 accounts on instagram and 1 on facebook.
   

Question 1: Massive embarrassment aside, would I be safe to think that they’ll stop pursuing me? I’ve also updated my instagram username. But they did send me screenshots of my friends list. So will they try to find them and still attempt sextortion?
Question 2: HOW the hell did they find my instagram and facebook? Aside from my first name (which is VERY common), the usernames on Snap and Meta apps aren’t even the same?? I never gave my real number, and I didn’t give my address? This is what’s confusing the hell out of me because there is NO way in hell they just “searched” me up because friends I WANT to add me have trouble finding me.
Question 3: Will changing my Instagram username and making FB private be sufficient to not have a repeat incident? Or is it better to remove accounts and restart from scratch?
My heart literally drops when I get unknown callers and crap now, ugh I hate this and I know it’s partially my fault for even sending them but just want to move past it and make the most out of this failure in maintaining privacy moving forward. My main goal is to make sure they can’t come back and restart.
Thank you for all your help and support, this has been very supportive!

Here we go: I (32f) just found out that I’m 8 weeks pregnant with my boyfriend (Andy) of 2 years child (25m). This would normally be a no-brainer, as I generally feel that fathers have a right to this knowledge, however this is a bit of a weird situation. Andy and I have had an extremely contentious relationship that has caused severe mistrust on my end. This has been caused by poor communication on both ends, poor decision making and negative outside influences. Last year we went through a period where I needed to disengage and end my friendship with my (at the time) best friend Emily. Emily is a gaslighter and it took me several years to see how dysfunctional and one-sided our friendship was. She had become really integrated into Andy’s circle, and he & Em became closer after she began pursuing a relationship with Andy’s friend. He would confide in her about arguments, she used these opportunities to triangulate him and essentially derailed our relationship for several months. After I heard (from other friends who have since cut off em as well) the horrible and largely untrue things she was saying about me, I asked Andy to stop speaking to her. We went through a pattern of him telling me he would, then turning around and unblocking her, having phone calls with her almost daily, etc. As soon as we had a fight, he was on the phone or texting Emily every detail, which she would then spread to anyone who would listen. it came to a head after em and I were at the same wedding. Afterwards I went home, and she went to Andy’s parents where he was house sitting and spent the night on the couch with him, staying there the rest of the weekend until he finally came home to our apartment on Sunday. There were several other people there, but he lied and did not mention her being there. He told me I was being crazy and jealous, and it wasn’t until I was completely ready to end things that he cut ties with her completely. Healing has taken months. While we’ve healed from that, we have several other issues we’ve been working through, on my side primarily centered around him hiding things, spending money on weed and alcohol when he hasn’t contributed to rent, lying by omission and outright about what he’s doing, his consumption of alcohol and (though not recently) use of Percocet/fent . On his side of things, I have been unfairly jealous, overly critical, invaded his privacy by looking through his phone, generally bitchy, etc. I know we absolutely are not in a good place (individually or as a couple) to have a child, and we both have a lot of self work to do. I will not carry this pregnancy to term, but this is where the issue lies. I am a very private person (aside from blabbing to the entire internet about my personal problems) and I do not want anyone that doesn’t HAVE to know about this to have any idea this happened. I’ve confided in one person, my mentor and work colleague, and I’m leaning towards keeping it that way. I fully support women’s rights and am proudly pro-choice, but live in the south where that mindset isn’t universal. While Andy no longer has contact with Emily, several of Andy’s best friends still hang out with her. Andy has a habit of telling his friends everything, and I have a heavy gut feeling this would be no different. When he does, and Emily eventually hears this information, I might as well post it on Facebook. This has certainly brought a lot of things into perspective (like why am I in a relationship where trust doesn’t exist, and I’m the sole consistent provider for bills being paid, etc) but I’d like to know: would I be the asshole if I just carried out the pregnancy termination without informing him? How would I even do it? From what I hear it’s going to be painful and messy for several days and I’m not sure if I could even successfully hide it.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Exciting-Turnip7126. She posted in MarkNarrations and TrueOffMyChest.
Thanks to u/Literally_Taken for finding this and recommending it.

Read the trigger warnings. A reminder to not comment on Original Posts. See rule 7.

Trigger Warning: graphic descriptions of child abuse; infidelity; verbal abuse; financial abuse;
Mood Spoiler: surprisingly happy ending
Background Post: January 21, 2024
Editor's note: This post is tangentially related to the main post as it discusses some of OOP's background.
I feel so lost. I don't know what to do and I feel sick. I (41F) have been no contact my with my mother for the past 11 years following years of physical, financial, and emotional abuse as well as years of parentification.
To give everyone an idea, my mother started abusing me physically and emotionally from the age of 6 , which is when we both moved out of the extended family home. I never knew my father so until I was 6 I grew up in a home with my mother, her 3 siblings and her parents (my grandparents).
Her physical abuse consisted of pinching and twisting until my skin blistered or tore. Grabbing me by the arm or leg so hard she'd leave a bruise in the shape of her hand. Throwing things at me like drinking glasses. A few times I couldn't go to school because the bruises were in places that were visible.
Her emotional abuse was just as bad. Telling me she'd throw me outside and lock the door so the boogeyman would take me if I didn't do exactly what she said. This was all when I was under the age of 10.
The parentification started when I was 11 when my first half brother was born. He was my sole responsibility. Same when my second half brother was born when I was 18.
The financial abuse started when I was 12 when I had my first tutoring job. She's take my money to buy alcohol. I would hide my money so I could buy food for me and brother or my cat since she'd forget and just say to "eat whatever".
Financially, she wrecked my credit. I lent her my credit card when I was 21 (stupid I know) to help her with her business. She said, as my mother, I owed it to her. Back then I was still in the mindset I was taught growing up. That family was what was most important. Now I know better and have worked hard for years to build my credit back up.
Back to my dilemma. We (me and my bf 45M) have been invited to a friend's wedding. There's a chance my mother may be there.
What makes me anxious is we have a 9.5 month old baby girl. Yes I had my baby late. There's a long tradition of the women in my family being abusive. I didn't want children for the longest time. I don't regret having my daughter. She's my world and I love her more than anything and I know my mother would demand to see her if given the chance. The thought of my mother seeing her and just seeing my mother in general makes me feel sick with anxiety and on the verge of sobbing.
These emotions come up because I think of my daughter being exposed to her and I can do is cry.
On the other hand I want to go to the wedding. My friends who are getting married know my history with my mother. I have a feeling they'd invite her to be polite.
How can I get through this?
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: I'm sorry you had to deal with all that. While I can't tell friends who they should invite to their wedding, I would think good friends would be aware of the friction. I'd certainly ask if my mother had been invited. If they answer yes, then I would skip the wedding. If your mother is still drinking and abusive, there's no way I'd risk running into her again. Just not worth it.

OOP: Thank you. Exactly. I don't want to be that person who dictates who they can/can't invite.
That's a good idea. I will ask if she was invited/ RSVPed yes. She drinks less now. Her heavy drinking resulted in her getting type 2 diabetes. Even with less alcohol, she apparently is still very manipulative and abusive according to my youngest half brother.

Commenter: Wishing you luck. Don’t blame you at all! My mother’s father (grandfather is too familial for him) was a narcissist, abuser too. Had to control every and all situations. Refused to give him any leeway and never spoke to him for the last 10 or so years of his life. If I had kids, I would not have allowed him to be apart of their lives either. There is no need to have another generation subjected to the vitriol and physical violence. Go to the party, support your brother. You don’t have to say a word to her. Make Her look stupid by ignoring her.

OOP: Thank you so much for your comment! I'm so sorry you had to go through that too and you're absolutely right when you said
"There is no need to have another generation subjected to the vitriol and physical violence."
My mother is the way she is because of her mother who was so much worse. That's why I had my daughter later in life. I was child Free out of fear of being like them but my step-dad and boyfriend both told me the same thing: I know how not to parent.

Mini update (Same Post, Next Day)
I don't know if this is how we update but I'm going to do it anyway lol. Thank you to everyone who commented and you all had the same advice. So I contacted the bride last night. She wrote me back this morning. She did not invite my mother. She knows a little bit of my history with my mother and said she rarely speaks to her. She wants me and my step-father there. He too would not want my mother there (he went through a lot of abuse too at my mother's hand). So my friend wanted us to have a good time and is not inviting my mother.
Thank you all again so very much for reading my post. I was so afraid of being that person who causes drama over who is/isn't invited and didn't want to cause my friend stress that I started imagining all possible scenarios of what could happen if she was that and spiraled into an emotional crying mess.
After all your comments, some ginger ale a hug from my husband and baby, I was able to get some sleep.
Thank you all again very much
Original Post: April 16, 2024 (4 months later)
Title: I had to end my 11 yr NC with my mother and her siblings for a family event. I will see her for the first time this Saturday. I'm overthinking everything...
I (41F) went NC with my entitled narcissistic mother and her siblings 11 years ago after years of physical, emotional and financial abuse as well as years of parentification starting when I was 11 yrs old. None of her siblings said or did anything. They just looked the other way and told me I was too emotional and exaggerate everything.
My brother (30M) and his girlfriend (22F) are having a baby shower for their first baby this Saturday, my mother is organizing it and sent out invites and created a Facebook event. This is why I went stopped my NC, so I could see the event and mark myself as going.
I refuse to let a POS human being prevent me from being there for brother and his girlfriend, even if that person is my mother. I'm not going to lie, I spiralled when I first saw my mother's invite. All the years of abuse, days of missed elementary school because the bruises were in visible places, all came back. My step-dad (54M) talked me down and we're going together. He was abused by her just as bad as I was, if not worse.
My mother is organizing the baby shower because my brother is close with her. Yes he knows what she did but thinks I should just forgive and forget, which I have multiple times but that never stopped the abuse.
My biggest concern is my boyfriend and I have a child (1F) and when my brother found out, he started again with how I should forgive and forget. I told him I don't expect him to not tell my mother about my child but to respect that she will not be in my child's life. Since my daughter was born there were some not so subtle attempts from her to like pictures of my daughter. She even sent me a friend request once, which I deleted right away. She's the jealous vindictive type so it wouldn't surprise me if she pressured my brother to get his girlfriend pregnant so she'd have a grand-child too (She's jealous of my step-dad for being a grand dad).
For those wondering why I didn't block her, I did but unblocked every now and then because I was paranoid she'd try something with grand-parents rights, even though I know she doesn't have a leg to stand on for that or try to get sympathy for not seeing my daughter. This still bothers me to this day sometimes. The nightmares and hormones have me paralyzed in fear. All this to say my mother would be the type of person to post about this on social media and if she does, I want to be able to get screenshots of it and address it right away because she's a master manipulator.
I decided to take a big step and started therapy for the first time last week. Therapy was always something ridiculed and seen as something for weak people by my family. My boyfriend (44M) agreed with the therapy and even asked me how I felt afterwards. He's my rock and my everything. We've been together for 20 years. For those wondering, why we aren't married because we don't really don't care. We love each other and for us that's enough. Therapy helped a lot. I have another session this week, two days before I see her again. My therapist called me brave, which honestly surprised me. I never thought of myself as being brave.
Anyway, I'll update after the baby shower.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Your brother deems his deference for your mother above the abuse thar he knows you suffered. However much you care for him, your feelings are secondary as far as he's concerned... Why stress? Spend the day with someone who loves you.

OOP: thank you for your comment. I do agree with you that my feelings are completely secondary to him. Unfortunately, he's very much like her personality wise but his girlfriend is a gem and keeps him level headed (even he admits its lol). My dad and I have an agreement that if either of us are uncomfortable we'll leave right away. We're going as each other's support. Plus I worked really hard on a crocheted baby blanket, hats and mitts lol.

Why are you putting yourself in this situation?

Thank you so much for your concern. Yes it's going to be stressful but after having lost my entire family when going NC, I went a few years with no contact with anyone, including my step-dad and brothers. She had turned everyone against me which destroyed me. I felt so abandoned. Once her lies, cheating and abuse were exposed is when my step-dad and one of my two brothers came back in my life. The one brother who came back (23M) isn't the one who's baby shower I'm going to (30M). Yes there's a massive age difference between us (I'm 41F). I raised the two of them alone. I felt like I had lost everything when they went NC. Them coming back felt like a second chance. Brother 30M came back a few years after. He's very easily manipulated and has the same kind of personality as my mother: vain, narcissistic and selfish but he's a watered down version without the abuse.
Basically I'm putting myself in this situation for my second chance little family I was able to form after the fallout. Seems ridiculous but I'd feel terrible to not try.

Commenter: I too, think it is a bad idea. I cannot imagine spending time around someone that was abusive to me for years just to appease my brother who didn't even care that I was abused, still maintains a close relationship with my abuser and on top of it has the audacity to tell me to forgive and forget. That part is throwing me. I cannot for the life of me imagine my mom hurting my sister who I love, yet still wanting to be cool with my mom, my mom would be dead to me. And I get Op is fond of her brother's gf but like someone else suggested take her out to lunch or do something else nice with her, like a spa day and give her the gift.

OOP: As much as I would love to do all the above, it's really hard with how far my brother and his girlfriend live and their job. They both work really long shifts. I know it's confusing and even I wonder sometimes, especially that he plays off my trauma like I'm exaggerating, but the best way I can put it is in a way we have a way to start over. After the year did abuse, not just to me but my step-dad also, we want to try and make our little family of chosen people work. We never got a chance to do that, ever. I would have to do a post by itself about my family and all the bullshit that lead to the NC. That would be a massive post in itself. So much to unpack but therapy is helping.
Lastly, I was happy to hear my brother's girlfriend put her foot down with certain things with my mother. My brother will get to see our mother's real personality with his baby. I hope he steps up for his girlfriend and their baby.

Commenter: It's ok to prioritize your self and your family. You cannot thrive and be bountiful if you don't. If not going is best for you. That is ok. What is best for you is ok. It took me a long time to say that! It's not selfish to do what's best for you and your LO (Editor's note- little one)

OOP: I've really been leveraging "No" as a full sentence and have been using that as a filter for people I want to keep in my life. If people can't respect me when I say no, then what else are they going to disrespect me on.
At first I did not want to go. I had a full blown crying, shaking, dry heaving meltdown. After composing myself, I called my dad and he talked me through it and said he was going. He was heavily abused too so I know it's just as hard for him. That's why we're going as each other's support. As for my daughter, she's staying home with my boyfriend having a daddy daughter day.

Commenter: Eh, I would suggest just using her first name, not "mother." Deny the relationship. Twist that knife.

OOP: I have. I use mother here because I've used "egg donor" in the past and people were super confused. Even to my step-dad and brothers I call her by her first name.

Commenter: I'm a cross stitcher and knitter, I feel your pain. (Editor's note- OOP commented at one point that she had a handmade gift for the new baby) As for the shower, have you considered that by going you are letting her win? She gets to show everyone how mean you are to her, she gets to create drama and blame it on you. Think on this, a narcissist thrives on attention any attention, even bad, is a balm to their soul.
She will do everything in her power to make you look bad. There is no way to win, except by ignoring her existence.

OOP: Thank you! I have considered that side too. I'm going by my dad's experience. He had to see her a month ago or so for the gender reveal and he said she looked resigned. Almost emotionless. She's already painted me in a bad light to the entire family (her sisters, her brother and their kids) who will also be there by the way. But they're all so non-confrontational and fake.
I know my mother is throwing the baby shower for exactly that reason. She wants attention. My dad and I agreed to leave right away if either of us feels uncomfortable.

Commenter: You want to be there for a grown ass man who doesn’t care about you being abused. Why do you still care about him? When has he ever cared about you??

OOP: Thank you for your comment. We used to be close a long ago. We've gotten a lot better in the past 2 years. He was really badly manipulated by my mother for many years. He took for granted that what she was telling him was true because she's our mother and she wouldn't lie, which is so dumb, I know. He's learning that more and more. I think he's seeing it more now that she keeps trying to ask him for money, like I warned him she would.

Commenter: Brother will change his mind about mother once she starts abusing his kid. These kinds of things don't just stop. Good luck to you!

OOP: Thank you! I really hope it doesn't come to that but it wouldn't surprise me. I think it'll be more my brother's girlfriend putting her foot down with my mother's involvement (she'll probably try to involve herself in everything). My brother will be forced to choose and in general does what his girlfriend says since she's the most down to earth, realistic and normal out of the two. She keeps him level, his words exactly.

Commenter: You DON’T have to go. Just because your brother has poor taste in people doesn’t mean you have to be around your abuser. You can see him other times.

OOP: Thank you for your comment. I know I don't. I'm choosing to go. I feel like I'm letting my mother get under my skin and win by not going and that makes me even angrier. That's where I'm at at the moment.

Editor's note: All edits take place on the same post.
EDIT: I'm sorry if I'm, confusing anyone by saying "my dad" when referring to my step-dad. To me he is my dad. He and I have gone through hell and back together in regards to my mom. Our experience has brought us closer than ever.
EDIT 2: I am NOT bringing my daughter. She's staying home and having a daddy daughter day with my boyfriend.
EDIT 3: April 16 or 17, 2024 (Same day/day after)
Holy cow I did not expect this many comments! Thank you all so much! You have no idea how much I appreciate it. That's what I love at MarkNarrations. I love this sub. It's such a tightly knit community. My daughter knows the sound of his voice now and comes running to see when I play his videos on my tablet lol.
One thing I want to tell everyone, you don't need to worry about me breaking down, crying, or having a meltdown. I'm at a point in my life where I don't get sad. I get angry and my worry is if she tries anything, my step-dad will have to jump him and pull me back. And I have no problems calling her out on her abuse. Many years ago she made him nearly homeless where he only had enough money to pay his mortgage but had to go to the food bank for food. He didn't tell me because he knew I probably would have done something I'd regret later. He only told me after the fact and I cried tears of anger and disbelief at being related to someone so vile. When I get overwhelmed I cry, which I find so embarrassing.
I am seeing therapist this Thursday, two days before the shower and I'm really looking forward to it. I will keep you all updated. Thank you all again so much. I really love this sub <3
EDIT 4: April 18, 2024 (two days later)
Thank you all again so much for all the love and support. I'm sorry I didn't clarify this before. I have 2 brothers 30M and 23M. My brothers are my half-brothers (We share the same mother. Their father is my step-dad). Just like how I call my step-dad "dad", I call my half-brothers, "brothers".All the comments, advise and suggestions have been amazing and some really really funny. I'm feeling so much better after reading all the support and am started to look forward to the baby shower, especially that my step-dad texted me saying he met my mother's husband this week and that the man's face was priceless after my step-dad introduced himself to him. I asked for more details but he said we'll talk about it on the drive over.
After that, I wanted to give you all a full scope of who my mother is and what kind of a piece of shit human being she really is. I put it in point form instead of a giant block of text:

• Her physical abuse started at 6-7 years old. It was pinching and twisting until my skin tore. Grabbing me by the arm or leg so hard she'd leave hand shaped bruises. Slapping me across the face so hard, I'd have the imprint of her hand on my face. Throwing objects at me. She almost broke my orbital bone when I was 8 after throwing a glass at my face after I said a swear word in public for the first time. A few times I couldn't go to school because the bruises were in visible places.
• Telling me she'd throw me outside and lock the door so the boogeyman would take me if I didn't do exactly what she said. This was all when I was under the age of 10.
• The parentification started when I was 11 when my first brother was born. He was my sole responsibility. Same when my second brother was born when I was 18.
• The financial abuse started when I was 12 when I had my first job tutoring the neighbour's son. She'd take my money to buy alcohol. I would hide my money so I could buy food for me and brother or my cat since she'd forget and just say to "eat whatever".
• Financially speaking, she wrecked my credit. I lent her my credit card when I was 21 (stupid I know) to help her with her business. She said, as my mother, I owed it to her. Back then I was still in the mindset I was taught growing up. That family was what was most important. Now I know better and have worked hard for years to build my credit back up.
• She tried to get back in contact with me 8 years ago by wishing me happy birthday on facebook under my brother's comment (they're facebook friends). This was 2 weeks after we were contacted about inheritance following my grandfather's death a few months before. She hadn't contacted me for anything the 3 years previous. So gross, especially since she inherited way more than I or my brothers did.
• As for my step-dad - she cheated on him for 6 years with some guy she met down in the Caribbean. So not only is she abusive, she's also a cheating piece of shit. She would fly out down there 6 to 7 times a year by herself for her "me" time and would lose it when my step-dad asked to join her. All the money he gave her to pay the mortgage, hydro, and other utilities, she'd send to her boy toy, now her husband. My step-dad almost lost his house and she ruined his credit too by racking up credit card and cell phone bills. Her credit was so bad, she couldn't get a phone. I had had enough and confronted her. They split up not long after and that's when all my mother's lies and manipulation came to light.
• They owned a company together that my mother's brother bought from them. My step-dad and mom had each taken out a loan with the bank to start the company together and were still making payments to it after they split. My step-dad paid his loan off first and that made my mother so angry and jealous she had her brother help her take my step-dad to court to sue him and have him pay her loan. She won. He had to go to the food bank for a while because he couldn't afford anything else but the mortgage and hydro.

I have therapy this afternoon and can't wait. I felt so much better last week after just 1 session. You all have made me feel so much stronger and confident. Let me know if you have any questions or need clarification on anything I wrote above.
Update (Same Post): April 20, 2024 (4 days from OG post)
UPDATE! Today was the baby shower and omg! I'm putting everything in point form because there's a lot to update you all on. I'm typing from my cellphone as I'm rocking my daughter to sleep. I missed her so much today.
1 - my dad invited his female best friend to come with us to the baby shower. We'll call her Sally. She's a wonderful woman with a big heart and very protective of my dad, especially since she knows my mother fairly well and works at the same place as her. The first time she and I met we were talking about each other's work and she was going on about this awful co-worker who was so bossy, blamed everyone else for her mistakes and took the praise for other people's work. Turns out it was my mother lol. Basically my mother was not happy Sally was coming.
2 - Both my dad and Sally said my mother texted them to say the baby shower started at 1:30. It didn't. The invite clearly said 1pm. I told them we're getting there for 1pm and was 99% sure my mother was trying to make them look bad out of jealousy. I was right. We arrived at 12:55 pm and my mother's deer in the headlights look on her face said it all.
Guys I stayed composed. I did it! My hands were shaking but I kept them in my pockets. Sally saw this and squeezed my arm.
My mother came out of her daze and came over "oh OP! You came!? It's nice to see you!"
I smirked at her obvious lie and discomfort at being caught, said "Nice to see you too. Where do I put my gift?" She took my gift and put it on the table with the other gifts.
3 - My mother's two siblings showed up with their daughters. One sister greeted me like an acquaintance, which I appreciated. The other pretended I wasn't even there.
4 - my dad, Sally and I sat at a table with one of my dad's former work buddies. We had a blast. My mother was not impressed. Shooting us dirty looks. So much so my dad's friend turned to me and said "uh oh. I think we might need to keep it down". Everyone else was talking loudly, we weren't the only ones. She just didn't like that we were having fun.Me "forget her. She always looks like that." My dad spit out his drink laughing. I didn't say it loud enough for her to hear (at least I don't think so and didn't care in the moment to be honest) but we did get more dirty looks lol.
4 - my mother whipped out a headset with a microphone hooked to a tiny speaker that she hooked to the back of her pants, like she was some sort of talk show host. I shit you not. I didn't notice until my dad said "what the fuck..." I looked over and couldn't help but laugh. Did I mention my mother thrives on being the center of attention, even at her own son's baby shower.
5 - she had us play games and whatnot which was fun. I participated and had fun, until my mother handed diapers with melted chocolate bars on them and gave them out to my two brothers my dad and another guy at the shower. She wanted them to taste what was in the diaper and guess the chocolate bar. The way the chocolate was melted you could tell some of the crotch of the diaper had turned gelatinous (which is what it's supposed to do when a baby pees. I doubt that gel is for human consumption). Me in my now very comfortable seat at the shower blurted "that's disgusting". I got a few responses agreeing with " uh yeah... That's gross".
6 - then there was the bottle drinking game. My mother dropped the bottle full of grape juice in front of my dad like he was a bug she was trying to squish with the bottle. It was so obvious that the girl at the table next to us tapped my shoulder and asked why "the woman with the microphone just pitched the bottle to the poor guy in the blue shirt". I told her the guy was my dad and the woman was his ex, my mother. The girl apologized profusely. I told her not to, that she said nothing wrong and that my mother was just like that.
7 - my dad and I went out for supper afterwards and what I found out over guys... OMG! Turns out my mother was upset with my dad because she asked my other brother (not the one having the baby shower) to try and put in a good word for her to my dad because she wanted to get back together with him and he just laughed. He didn't know what else to say. Need I remind you all that she's currently married to the man she cheated on my dad with for 6 years!
She married and sponsored this man from the Caribbeans to come to Canada. According to my brother, this poor man is treated like a tenant and is forced to live in her basement. WTF
My dad laughed when he saw my face and told me not to worry, that there's no way in hell he would ever consider getting back with her. I told him good because I'd have to smack some sense into him if he did.
He's 99% positive she's trying to get back with my dad to try and reconcile with me to have access to my daughter. He said he'd rather die than let that happen.
So there you have it. What a shit show, but it was a fun shit show that I did not expect in the least. Thank you all again for all your comments and support. It was so very appreciated.
Relevant Comment:
Commenter: You handled that well. Now just go back to pretending she doesn’t exist. She doesn’t deserve anything different. The best revenge is living well.

OOP: That's exactly the plan! Thank you again for your comments.

​

So I reached out to her sister via Facebook. She responded saying her sister sent her the screen shot. Immediately the scammer unblocked me and messaged me saying how insane I was for messaging her sister and that she was at work that's why she didn't answer my messages. She than went on to say how disgusting the clothes were (mind you they have never been worn, they did not fit me). She said she called her bank and there was some issue. I'm not sure if she's lying for not but I was starting to feel bad about messaging her sister. She than went on to say if I wanted the bag back I would have to come to her town, couple hours from me. I'm kinda done with the situation now, not really worth arguing with her over. So in conclusion did not get my bag or the money.

So back in March, I (27F) met a guy (25M) on Tinder and we hit it off. I was looking for something long term and he was too. A week later, I lost my virginity to him. It was all so special to me. Having my first date, first time, everything. I felt like I hit the jackpot with this guys because of how well we hit it off. Anyways fast forward, I started to ask for too much reassurance on whether we were on the same page and if he was looking for something serious with me. It got to a point where it got really annoying to him and he started to resent me a bit. A month ago, he went through my phone without permission and found that I still had dating apps on there (I was inactively using them, but still had them). He kept accusing me of talking to other guys and kept calling me a liar, so he broke things off with me over text and blocked me. I should also mention, he does have some delusional thoughts and emotional baggage. For example, he says he has a hard time trusting women because of his past relationships. He also says some pretty misogynistic comments. I did find out he takes Paxil and Vynase, and those medications can cause some delirious thoughts.
As a person with BPD, I wasn't rationally thinking but emotionally thinking of how I want to fix things and how I didn't want him to abandon me. I got his mom's number off of Facebook (she never knew about me) and I called her, told her who I was, and told her what happened. I dug myself in a deeper hole doing that, but he then texts me and tells me to come over and talk about it. I apologized for everything and apologized for calling his mom. Funny thing, he never apologized to me for invading my privacy and not trusting me when I told him I was not talking to anyone else... After that, he still broke things off with me because of me calling his mom, but in addition to me be "annoying" and "clingy". Not even a week later, he texts me "hey."
Again, with the fear of abandonment, I responded to him. A few days later he told me that he doesn't want a relationship with me but wants to be FWB. I accepted that because I still wanted that connection with him. Things were going well for a little while. Fast forward to this past Saturday to yesterday, I kept texting him non-stop. I was worrying if there was someone else or if I said or did something because he wasn't responding to my messages to hang out, but he wasn't communicating or responding to me. I also want to note, I do have a history with texting people non-stop if they don't reply, which has cost me relationships with others. Yesterday, he told me "we should go our separate ways" and that "I find what I'm looking for" and he blocked me again.
Again, my emotional thinking overtook my rational thinking and I bolted to his place. Obviously, he was shocked that I showed up. We talked for a long while, I was trying to convince him that things would be different, I was telling him to unblock me, to no avail. We hooked up as well. Fast forward to the end of the night, he was going to bed and yelling at me to leave and I was refusing to until he unblocked me and promises me to see me again. He was so adamant on not doing that, but gave up and unblocked me and promised me so I can leave.
I kinda figured in my gut he would block me again and not want to see me again. This morning he texted me "Do not ever contact me again. If you continue to harass me or show up at my place, I will call the cops and file a restraining order against you" and then blocked me again. That was that. Obviously, I'm not going to contact him anymore because I don't want any legal trouble, but I am scared if he calls the cops or files a restraining order against me still. So very scared. I'm also devastated that this relationship is damaged beyond repair and that we can't be in each others lives anymore. It hurts me more than anything. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I am absolutely and utterly destroyed by this. I am absolutely heartbroken more than anything.
I went out my way to be nice to him during our time dating and I genuinely cared about him. I indeed was very generous and supportive towards him. I know it was a very short while we dated, but I honestly thought he was "the one" because of all the similar values and interests we had. I was even falling in love with him. Again with BPD, I tend to fall pretty hard for someone. I am hurt about the loss of potential and what could've been between us if none of this happened... BPD has entirely ruined my life. It has cost me jobs, relationships, and now this relationship that I truly wanted. I sometimes wish and pray that I would die or if I could just go back in time and change everything. I wish none of this had to happen. I miss him so much and I will miss him more than anything. I feel like I mess everything up, no matter how hard I try not to. I am in therapy and take medication, which has helped a bit, but obviously as you see, I'm still stuck in this negative cycle. I just wish I had better confidence and self-esteem, so I wouldn't have to suffer like this. My anxiety and BPD gets the best of me each time and I overreact and cause strains in my relationships. I just wish I could have him back and fix everything. I don't think I could ever live this down.
I don't think I'll ever be happy or get what I want in this life. I often think of how everyones lives would be better off if I died. Especially after this situation, I am strongly considering ending it all. I feel like I can't live properly in this world, that I can never be normal, and that my life is just a waste. Everything good that happens to me, gets taken away in an instant. It hurts so much. So very much. At this point, I think it may be worth ending it because of everything that has happened.

So back in March, I (27F) met a guy (25M) on Tinder and we hit it off. I was looking for something long term and he was too. A week later, I lost my virginity to him. It was all so special to me. Having my first date, first time, everything. I felt like I hit the jackpot with this guys because of how well we hit it off. Anyways fast forward, I started to ask for too much reassurance on whether we were on the same page and if he was looking for something serious with me. It got to a point where it got really annoying to him and he started to resent me a bit. A month ago, he went through my phone without permission and found that I still had dating apps on there (I was inactively using them, but still had them). He kept accusing me of talking to other guys and kept calling me a liar, so he broke things off with me over text and blocked me. I should also mention, he does have some delusional thoughts and emotional baggage. For example, he says he has a hard time trusting women because of his past relationships. He also says some pretty misogynistic comments. I did find out he takes Paxil and Vynase, and those medications can cause some delirious thoughts.
As a person with BPD, I wasn't rationally thinking but emotionally thinking of how I want to fix things and how I didn't want him to abandon me. I got his mom's number off of Facebook (she never knew about me) and I called her, told her who I was, and told her what happened. I dug myself in a deeper hole doing that, but he then texts me and tells me to come over and talk about it. I apologized for everything and apologized for calling his mom. Funny thing, he never apologized to me for invading my privacy and not trusting me when I told him I was not talking to anyone else... After that, he still broke things off with me because of me calling his mom, but in addition to me be "annoying" and "clingy". Not even a week later, he texts me "hey."
Again, with the fear of abandonment, I responded to him. A few days later he told me that he doesn't want a relationship with me but wants to be FWB. I accepted that because I still wanted that connection with him. Things were going well for a little while. Fast forward to this past Saturday to yesterday, I kept texting him non-stop. I was worrying if there was someone else or if I said or did something because he wasn't responding to my messages to hang out, but he wasn't communicating or responding to me. I also want to note, I do have a history with texting people non-stop if they don't reply, which has cost me relationships with others. Yesterday, he told me "we should go our separate ways" and that "I find what I'm looking for" and he blocked me again.
Again, my emotional thinking overtook my rational thinking and I bolted to his place. Obviously, he was shocked that I showed up. We talked for a long while, I was trying to convince him that things would be different, I was telling him to unblock me, to no avail. We hooked up as well. Fast forward to the end of the night, he was going to bed and yelling at me to leave and I was refusing to until he unblocked me and promises me to see me again. He was so adamant on not doing that, but gave up and unblocked me and promised me so I can leave.
I kinda figured in my gut he would block me again and not want to see me again. This morning he texted me "Do not ever contact me again. If you continue to harass me or show up at my place, I will call the cops and file a restraining order against you" and then blocked me again. That was that. Obviously, I'm not going to contact him anymore because I don't want any legal trouble, but I am scared if he calls the cops or files a restraining order against me still. So very scared. I'm also devastated that this relationship is damaged beyond repair and that we can't be in each others lives anymore. It hurts me more than anything. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I am absolutely and utterly destroyed by this. I am absolutely heartbroken more than anything.
I went out my way to be nice to him during our time dating and I genuinely cared about him. I indeed was very generous and supportive towards him. I know it was a very short while we dated, but I honestly thought he was "the one" because of all the similar values and interests we had. I was even falling in love with him. Again with BPD, I tend to fall pretty hard for someone. I am hurt about the loss of potential and what could've been between us if none of this happened... BPD has entirely ruined my life. It has cost me jobs, relationships, and now this relationship that I truly wanted. I sometimes wish and pray that I would die or if I could just go back in time and change everything. I wish none of this had to happen. I miss him so much and I will miss him more than anything. I feel like I mess everything up, no matter how hard I try not to. I am in therapy and take medication, which has helped a bit, but obviously as you see, I'm still stuck in this negative cycle. I just wish I had better confidence and self-esteem, so I wouldn't have to suffer like this. My anxiety and BPD gets the best of me each time and I overreact and cause strains in my relationships. I just wish I could have him back and fix everything. I don't think I could ever live this down.

So back in March, I (27F) met a guy (25M) on Tinder and we hit it off. I was looking for something long term and he was too. A week later, I lost my virginity to him. It was all so special to me. Having my first date, first time, everything. I felt like I hit the jackpot with this guys because of how well we hit it off. Anyways fast forward, I started to ask for too much reassurance on whether we were on the same page and if he was looking for something serious with me. It got to a point where it got really annoying to him and he started to resent me a bit. A month ago, he went through my phone without permission and found that I still had dating apps on there (I was inactively using them, but still had them). He kept accusing me of talking to other guys and kept calling me a liar, so he broke things off with me over text and blocked me. I should also mention, he does have some delusional thoughts and emotional baggage. For example, he says he has a hard time trusting women because of his past relationships. He also says some pretty misogynistic comments. I did find out he takes Paxil and Vynase, and those medications can cause some delirious thoughts.
As a person with BPD, I wasn't rationally thinking but emotionally thinking of how I want to fix things and how I didn't want him to abandon me. I got his mom's number off of Facebook (she never knew about me) and I called her, told her who I was, and told her what happened. I dug myself in a deeper hole doing that, but he then texts me and tells me to come over and talk about it. I apologized for everything and apologized for calling his mom. Funny thing, he never apologized to me for invading my privacy and not trusting me when I told him I was not talking to anyone else... After that, he still broke things off with me because of me calling his mom, but in addition to me be "annoying" and "clingy". Not even a week later, he texts me "hey."
Again, with the fear of abandonment, I responded to him. A few days later he told me that he doesn't want a relationship with me but wants to be FWB. I accepted that because I still wanted that connection with him. Things were going well for a little while. Fast forward to this past Saturday to yesterday, I kept texting him non-stop. I was worrying if there was someone else or if I said or did something because he wasn't responding to my messages to hang out, but he wasn't communicating or responding to me. I also want to note, I do have a history with texting people non-stop if they don't reply, which has cost me relationships with others. Yesterday, he told me "we should go our separate ways" and that "I find what I'm looking for" and he blocked me again.
Again, my emotional thinking overtook my rational thinking and I bolted to his place. Obviously, he was shocked that I showed up. We talked for a long while, I was trying to convince him that things would be different, I was telling him to unblock me, to no avail. We hooked up as well. Fast forward to the end of the night, he was going to bed and yelling at me to leave and I was refusing to until he unblocked me and promises me to see me again. He was so adamant on not doing that, but gave up and unblocked me and promised me so I can leave.
I kinda figured in my gut he would block me again and not want to see me again. This morning he texted me "Do not ever contact me again. If you continue to harass me or show up at my place, I will call the cops and file a restraining order against you" and then blocked me again. That was that. Obviously, I'm not going to contact him anymore because I don't want any legal trouble, but I am scared if he calls the cops or files a restraining order against me still. So very scared. I'm also devastated that this relationship is damaged beyond repair and that we can't be in each others lives anymore. It hurts me more than anything. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I am absolutely and utterly destroyed by this. I am absolutely heartbroken more than anything.
I went out my way to be nice to him during our time dating and I genuinely cared about him. I indeed was very generous and supportive towards him. I know it was a very short while we dated, but I honestly thought he was "the one" because of all the similar values and interests we had. I was even falling in love with him. Again with BPD, I tend to fall pretty hard for someone. I am hurt about the loss of potential and what could've been between us if none of this happened... BPD has entirely ruined my life. It has cost me jobs, relationships, and now this relationship that I truly wanted. I sometimes wish and pray that I would die or if I could just go back in time and change everything. I wish none of this had to happen. I miss him so much and I will miss him more than anything. I feel like I mess everything up, no matter how hard I try not to. I am in therapy and take medication, which has helped a bit, but obviously as you see, I'm still stuck in this negative cycle. I just wish I had better confidence and self-esteem, so I wouldn't have to suffer like this. My anxiety and BPD gets the best of me each time and I overreact and cause strains in my relationships. I just wish I could have him back and fix everything. I don't think I could ever live this down.

So back in March, I (27F) met a guy (25M) on Tinder and we hit it off. I was looking for something long term and he was too. A week later, I lost my virginity to him. It was all so special to me. Having my first date, first time, everything. I felt like I hit the jackpot with this guys because of how well we hit it off. Anyways fast forward, I started to ask for too much reassurance on whether we were on the same page and if he was looking for something serious with me. It got to a point where it got really annoying to him and he started to resent me a bit. A month ago, he went through my phone without permission and found that I still had dating apps on there (I was inactively using them, but still had them). He kept accusing me of talking to other guys and kept calling me a liar, so he broke things off with me over text and blocked me. I should also mention, he does have some delusional thoughts and emotional baggage. For example, he says he has a hard time trusting women because of his past relationships. He also says some pretty misogynistic comments. I did find out he takes Paxil and Vynase, and those medications can cause some delirious thoughts.
As a person with BPD, I wasn't rationally thinking but emotionally thinking of how I want to fix things and how I didn't want him to abandon me. I got his mom's number off of Facebook (she never knew about me) and I called her, told her who I was, and told her what happened. I dug myself in a deeper hole doing that, but he then texts me and tells me to come over and talk about it. I apologized for everything and apologized for calling his mom. Funny thing, he never apologized to me for invading my privacy and not trusting me when I told him I was not talking to anyone else... After that, he still broke things off with me because of me calling his mom, but in addition to me be "annoying" and "clingy". Not even a week later, he texts me "hey."
Again, with the fear of abandonment, I responded to him. A few days later he told me that he doesn't want a relationship with me but wants to be FWB. I accepted that because I still wanted that connection with him. Things were going well for a little while. Fast forward to this past Saturday to yesterday, I kept texting him non-stop. I was worrying if there was someone else or if I said or did something because he wasn't responding to my messages to hang out, but he wasn't communicating or responding to me. I also want to note, I do have a history with texting people non-stop if they don't reply, which has cost me relationships with others. Yesterday, he told me "we should go our separate ways" and that "I find what I'm looking for" and he blocked me again.
Again, my emotional thinking overtook my rational thinking and I bolted to his place. Obviously, he was shocked that I showed up. We talked for a long while, I was trying to convince him that things would be different, I was telling him to unblock me, to no avail. We hooked up as well. Fast forward to the end of the night, he was going to bed and yelling at me to leave and I was refusing to until he unblocked me and promises me to see me again. He was so adamant on not doing that, but gave up and unblocked me and promised me so I can leave.
I kinda figured in my gut he would block me again and not want to see me again. This morning he texted me "Do not ever contact me again. If you continue to harass me or show up at my place, I will call the cops and file a restraining order against you" and then blocked me again. That was that. Obviously, I'm not going to contact him anymore because I don't want any legal trouble, but I am scared if he calls the cops or files a restraining order against me still. So very scared. I'm also devastated that this relationship is damaged beyond repair and that we can't be in each others lives anymore. It hurts me more than anything. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I am absolutely and utterly destroyed by this. I am absolutely heartbroken more than anything.
I went out my way to be nice to him during our time dating and I genuinely cared about him. I indeed was very generous and supportive towards him. I know it was a very short while we dated, but I honestly thought he was "the one" because of all the similar values and interests we had. I was even falling in love with him. Again with BPD, I tend to fall pretty hard for someone. I am hurt about the loss of potential and what could've been between us if none of this happened... BPD has entirely ruined my life. It has cost me jobs, relationships, and now this relationship that I truly wanted. I sometimes wish and pray that I would die or if I could just go back in time and change everything. I wish none of this had to happen. I miss him so much and I will miss him more than anything. I feel like I mess everything up, no matter how hard I try not to. I am in therapy and take medication, which has helped a bit, but obviously as you see, I'm still stuck in this negative cycle. I just wish I had better confidence and self-esteem, so I wouldn't have to suffer like this. My anxiety and BPD gets the best of me each time and I overreact and cause strains in my relationships. I just wish I could have him back and fix everything. I don't think I could ever live this down.

I ignored them like the damn plague because she was so damn beautiful, most attractive woman I've ever been with like model looking. 6 months of hell though and I'll list all the red flags I walked through just to stay with her.

1. Second time we met I picked her up and she stayed at my place, in the morning I was driving her home and she said she didn't wanna go home and wanted me to drop her off in town so she could call her mom to pick her up because she didn't want her parents to know about us yet, I did and what ensued was the most stressful day of my life! She ended up not calling her mom and turning her phone off, she dropped off the face of the earth for a whole day, I had her mom call me(somehow she found out I was the last one to be seen with her) and some of her friends called me(a couple of them threatened my life) and even the cops called me. Turns out that same night she ended up at the hospital because she had a mental breakdown and they admitted her for a few days to run tests on her. I stayed through all that even buying her flowers and supporting her.
2. One night we were having some wine(she has a drinking problem she drinks the stuff like it's water) and we were being all lovey dovey making out on the couch and all of the sudden she accuses me of cheating on her with my fucking sister in law of all people! I told her that was ridiculous and why she would think that and she told me that she dated a guy that cheated on her with his SIL so I told her don't compare me to your exes and that's ridiculous and finish your wine ill take you home(because she wouldn't drop the subject) so what does she do? She throws the wine into my face and throws the glass at my head(she missed though) and stormed off to my room, I went in to comfort her and one thing led to another we had make up sex and boom I was back again.
3. She wanted me to isolate from my own family to create our family(she already had kids of her own from previous guys) even wanting me to let them move in with me after 4 months of dating, when I said no that's too soon she told me either she does or she knows a guy twice her age that wants her and is rich and can take her on lavish trips and give her and her kids a life I couldn't(I could have if she just gave me more time and didn't rush me to move them in after just 4 months) she ended up not seeing this guy as her dad told her no way he's too old for her and that's not all life is(her dad freaking liked me BTW and she told me that he barely likes any of the guys she dates) it was all a manipulation tactic to get me to let her move in with me but I didn't bite.
4. She pretty much ruined my NYE with my family, we had met a few months before Christmas and I told her I had plans with the family and that next year(wishful thinking) I would switch up and do plans with hers instead of mine(compromise) she said that's fine her family was gonna do their thing and if I wanted to pop in quickly I could which I told her if I wasn't busy running errands I would. Well I did get busy and later that night she texted me going off on me about how I'm a selfish jerk and a terrible boyfriend and this time she went as far as to block me on text and Facebook(the blocks both lasted a week) then she unblocked me and apologized and I took her back again.
5. One day after work I came home and I haven't seen my family for a week because they went on a vacation that I couldn't get time off for so I get home and go over to see them and they aren't home they are at a hockey game so I go to the arena and pop in for 30 mins(because I have to get home make dinner and go to bed and get ready for another day tomorrow) I tell her I'm there and she flips at me telling me to go to hell that she's hurt I didn't invite her to go watch and I'm trying to tell her I never came to the game to stay I just came to see the family quick and leave, she then tells me okay well I've been talking to some people and I'm going to this guy's place cause he's nice and he can give me more of his time than you can and then she blocks me again but I have her on snapchat and she snaps me later on in his apartment having a good old time. I wake up go to work and try to apologize but she was having none of it so I just go silent on her for a few days then she reaches out tells me she misses me and boom right back with her again.
6. We go out for lunch one day and we are enjoying each others company, all of the sudden our server is not at work anymore(I later found out they sent her home because it was too slow and they didn't need 2 extra servers) but she thought there was a sex slave dungeon underneath the restaurant and she was there and the owners were doing fucked up shit to her(that should have been my "holy fuck I'm out" moment) but it wasn't I tried to explain that it was dead and she probably went home she wasn't having it and told me to come back later and try to sneak in the back to see if there was a hidden door in the floor(lol I never did of course)
7. She has another mental breakdown one day, one of her good friends past away and she couldn't handle it so she did the disconnect thing again, her dad texted me to see if I was with her but I wasn't I was at work all day and we hadn't spoken in a few days either(another stupid fight that she started) turns out she rented a hotel cause she wanted to be alone by herself but I get a hold of her and spend the night with her comforting her.
8. The actual breakup occurred when I told her that I was seeing a therapist for my own mental health stuff, she told me therapy is a joke and won't work and she also wanted to know if I was seeing a male or female which I told her a female and she accused me of cheating on her with my therapist and broke up with me officially because of that.
9. We tried to stay friends after a few weeks of NC after that which was a terrible idea(it ended up being just hookups when we both felt weak and vulnerable) we decided to make plans to hang out on a Friday a few weeks ago earlier in the week and she forgot and made plans with someone else I told her no big deal I'll make plans with a buddy from work which she thought I was lying and I was hanging with a woman which I wasn't and she called me a shit friend and a terrible person and blocked me again on FB, this time I had enough of holding my tongue and never getting a chance to defend myself(she would block me all the time before I could even message back) so I went to her IG and gave her a piece of my mind calling her nasty things and saying things I can take back(reactive abuse finally) in which she responded calling me mentally ill and a narcissist and she blocked me on every single platform which is were I'm currently at right now and I don't think she will ever unblock again cause the things I said were terrible(but truthful) about her.
10. Despite all our fights I always always apologized for my wrong doings to her but do you think I got a single I'm sorry from her? Nope not even close, not a single I'm sorry from her and also not a single thank you for all the things I did for her(I treated her like absolute gold) bought her flowers, took her on road trips, planned dates, loved her the right way(which she told me she's never had) she also told me that she's only ever been with guys who abused her which now I'm starting to realize has to be a lie because she abused me and I did absolutely nothing to her to warrant that abuse. She also told me her exes cheated on her which is probably another and I think she was the one who did all the cheating. She's in a whore faze right now too she started an onlyfans and is even sending nudes on snapchat for money for any guy whose pathetic enough to pay her. I went through all of that because she was attractive and she kept me interested through the sexual side of things(sounds shallow I know but it's true) she was the best intimate partner I've ever had but I've been told that's how they keep you wanting more and it's true. Trauma bonds are a terrible thing.

Hi all , F30 here.
When things were over between my NEX and me… I blocked him and removed his friends from my Instagram and Facebook etc. to be fair my NEX blocked me first when decided to unblock me. Both our IG profiles are private … so it’s not like he can see my endless streams of IG stories . I blocked his friends because they remind me of him, I was trying to remove one less memory/ trigger off my phone. He blocked me off LinkedIn and unblocked me back… but I decided he wasn’t worthy to access any of my social media.
Curious how everyone else is going no contact because I still see people say their NEX can see their IG stories /FB posts (hoovering) but still in no contact? The only chance he ever has at hoovering is messaging my parents about his work updates (he runs a successful business)… but even I went a little extreme and check their phones and remove his messages /contact (I moved back with my flying monkey dad/ narc mom for the time being)
I know my NEX still follows one of my close friend on social media. She tries to leave subtle jabs in their captions when it comes to posting stories with me about all the shit that I endured (yay for supportive friend)
I guess where I’m from, we like to keep our IG accounts private , to avoid nosy folks from stalking etc (I’m from Asia).

Hello! If anyone wants to read more about the background of my situation, they can read my past posts as I have described it in great detail.
Your comments have been very helpful to me. With my MIL, we've been NC, and despite many comments suggesting we should keep it that way, after a thorough conversation at my partner's request, we wanted to initiate LC. Even our therapist approved that it might be a good decision for our situation, and we discussed some rules about setting boundaries. As a result, after 8 months, we visited her together for the first time (we had periods of LC and NC). MIL expressed to my partner that we are both welcome. Please, without reproaches, that I went to visit.
We carefully chose the day and time of the visit and set the duration. My partner and I agreed in advance on some rules for the visit and what each of us wants and needs. Initially, the visit went well. MIL made some provocative remarks, which we easily ignored. Several times in the middle of discussions (without any relevant context), she hinted about her visit to the oncology department. She didn't want to directly mention what it was about but only made comments like, "My hairdresser doesn't realize how important cancer prevention is," or "You see women of all ages in the oncology department," and when the conversation moved on, she returned to "You also see very well-groomed women in the oncology department." However, I felt too uncomfortable to ask directly since I believed it was up to my partner if he wanted to know more or not. At this point, I must emphasize that it apparently concerned breast cancer screenings, which are performed on all women over 50 in our country. I absolutely believe it was very stressful for her, and I believe there was alarm and the need for further tests, but everything indicates that everything is fine with her, so I didn't want to bring up this discussion if she didn't bring it up directly herself.
In the meantime, MIL's younger son arrived. MIL asked me in front of everyone if I noticed his nice muscles (he's 16?! and my boyfriend was sitting next to me?!). I replied that I never looked at guys' muscles, but it's nice that he has a new hobby. MIL insisted that I should look at them and encouraged her younger son to flex them in front of everyone. She asked if I had even seen his fitness equipment in the room, to which I replied that I wasn't sure if anyone would want a random person poking around. Everything else went reasonably well; we talked about jobs, what's new, and that was it.
As we were saying goodbye, I checked with my partner if it was okay to mention the Facebook block. Now I think it was a mistake, but I can't take it back. Before we parted, I told her to unblock me on Facebook if she thought everything was fine because we didn't need to stoop to that level. She was very surprised and initially responded that it wasn't the right time for that. I replied that I thought it was childish even for her younger son's generation. Of course, an argument ensued. Of course, I confronted her about some things she did because she was trying to convince me that she never did anything (you can read about it in the first post), but I was still respectful during the confrontation. She denied most of it and even accused me of lying. She couldn't practically blame me for anything, but she turned the whole situation around as if the problem was her resentment towards us (me) and not her actions. She turned it as if she forgives everything and now everything is fine. I pointed out that it's not. It's not fine with me, and I expect an apology. She didn't want to apologize, but her partner (who was very surprised about the Facebook block and expressed support for us) apologized for him and her. She didn't want to apologize until her partner, who supported her, "coerced" her into apologizing to me a little. I said I wanted her to think about it and contact me herself from the next day if she sincerely wants to apologize. At one point, she wanted to force me that everything is okay and hug me, but I stepped back and stopped her with my hand, saying I didn't want that hug. In the end, when we confronted her with everything, including my partner telling her that I cried because of her and how indifferent she was to me (my partner stood by me, and the conversation was very collaborative), she had nothing to say and saw that I insisted on an apology for her mistakes. Then she brought up (yes, you guessed it): HER VISIT TO ONCOLOGY. Just that. That she was actually the one crying, and she's actually the victim. She started to cry. That's when I grabbed my jacket and left without saying goodbye, and my partner said goodbye.
That's it. I have an endless guilty conscience because:
a) I'm trying again in vain
b) everything would be okay if I hadn't started the Facebook block
c) did I even have to go there.
But I admit, I'm proud because I stood up for myself for the first time in person and constructively, still respectfully and without raising my voice, set boundaries, confronted her with things that affected me, and clearly presented what kind of relationship is acceptable to me.
I couldn't sleep because of my guilty conscience from her manipulations. Especially because she abuses her visit to the oncology department. And I sincerely hope she's healthy.

So for context, we broke up mid February due to him cheating with a girl who clearly knew about me but didn’t care. Long story short i caught them in the act and she refused to leave. She even slept over that night and came back after i stopped by to drop off his shit the next day. She desperately wormed her way in between us and he clearly let her. About a month after i spoke to him and he told me that he didn’t really see a future for them but he helped her get through her addiction(s) and out of an abusive relationship so he felt bad leaving her. This entire time i was distraught that he threw away 8 years and didn’t comfort me in my time of need. i lost 10 pounds and im already a twig, on top of my body rejecting my form of birth control. Anyway, he claimed he wasn’t in a relationship with her but yet she posted it on her socials 2 weeks post break up. Well now we’re about almost 3 months post break up/cheating incident and i decided to unblock him on Facebook to find out that he now updated his status to “in a relationship”. I feel like i just got a second wind of being sucker punched in the stomach. On Friday it was just what was supposed to be our anniversary…. I don’t know how someone can destroy the person they supposedly love and tell they wanted to marry this year (just days before) like this. This is why you should never look… and remain N/C

Made a throwaway account for this, but basically I started talking to a really great guy back in the end of December 2023 through instagram. He's in his early 30's, I'm late 20's. We had a lot of common interests and, for the first time ever, conversation flowed like butter. Effortless & communication was incredible. He never dissapeared on me or ghosted.
We talked seamlessly every single day for 5 months now, despite the 8 hour difference in time zones. We talked on the phone, video chatted, voice notes, pictures. You name it. And this wasn't something either of us required from eachother, it was just something that came naturally for us.
There were never any red flags and he made it very clear he was single and we were discussing plans for me to go visit him in the summer. We talked so much that I just did not see any opportunity for him to two timing me with a girl in person.
However, he's in the cosplay community (which I love, me too), and there's this girl in his group that he always took her pictures for (normal outside pictures), which he called his "friend". I didn't think anything of it until I noticed his last name was the same as hers. I thought they were family members so I never pried.
Recently, I looked him up on facebook and found his profile. Still active on it too, by the looks of it. His profile picture is with that same girl, kissing and a public post from 2013 thanking people for congratulating them on their marriage.
Huh......that wasn't very fun to find out. Such a sweet man to me and he completely destroyed any ounce of trust I had in him. Afterwards, I noticed they both wear matching gold rings. People in their comments have asked about them and one or the other say they're "heirlooms", not wedding rings. Uh huh.
I've ghosted him since 5 days ago completely out of the blue. He has no idea I know. I feel guilty for doing so but I just don't see how this can be justified in any way. This sucks.
The crazy part is - I'm pretty sure they live together. So my thoughts are, how do hell does he hide this from her? I have this weird feeling she knows he's doing this, which feels very humiliating. The reason I have a weird feeling is because I unfollowed her on instagram when I found out about all this (I've never interacted with her, just followed her and him back in December 2023) and I noticed she very briefly blocked me before unblocking me lol. Like what the heck is going on?

So I 33f and my bf 36m have been together for almost six years. We originally met without a plan to be serious and it kinda melted just right. Back story: My parents every other year asks what we would want for a joint gift. One year we asked for an air fryer. My bf really wanted one, I could take it or leave it at the time. Well I’m sure it’s no surprise but I fell IN LOVE with the dang thing. We have the running joke that it’s mine and he has to ask permission to use my air fryer. Now onto the issue, we had a group dinner pot luck style for his three friends and my two friends. I made amazing chicken wings. After a few drinks my friend made a joke about my bf using the air fryer to heat up left over wings. Saying “did you ask OP if that’s ok” he laughed and said “no but I’m sure she’s cool with it” His friend 35f was clearly upset about this conversation. She looked at me and asked why the hell I’m so rude to my bf with a kitchen appliance. I started laughing at her. When I realized she was being serious I just asked why she’s being this way. She told me it’s her duty to defend her friends. (Which I totally understand) I explained that this has been a running joke for at least 2 years. She didn’t like this, so I laughed at her again and said she’s free to leave. She ran to my bf about it. He also laughed at her and said the same thing. Now she’s saying I make my bf be ok with this “abusive joke”. The other friends (mine included) said I should’ve talked to her privately, however she brought it up in front of everyone so why would I hide my reply. Could I have handled this better or would you have laughed at her too?
Update So a few of you suggested she is in love with him. Well you called it! He decided to completely block her from cellphone to Facebook. I kept her unblocked to watch the possible meltdown. It took her a full day to notice and she was LIVID. She once again called me abusive and controlling. She went on about how she waited for him to come around and I “got in her way”. I screenshotted all the messages and sent them to the people who attended the party. I made it clear that if they still side with her they can leave our lives. Only one of my friends left. She has been kicked out of the friend group which I’m fine with. My boyfriend was so speechless at her behaviour and was surprised she liked him cause he had zero clue. My guess is she sucks at flirting lol. So yeah that’s the end of that mess.