Hills county no school days listed

Hoping this may be the right spot. I’ve been at my current agency for 7 years having started a couple months after the birth of my child. I should’ve known it wasn’t very family friendly based on the fact that I had no private pumping area, even at times sitting in the HR office with HR there or being yelled at by other employee for using a room I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to.
Anywho, things progressed and I’ve been in my current role for 6 years. I am the ONLY person in this role (Data entry/making sure the requests made meet our grant rules/vendor relationships/hodge podge of duties to assist clients and staff) and when COVID hit and we sheltered in place I continued to come in to the empty office one day a week (it was way more efficient for our check requests to be printed off and stacked in the right order. We’d get 50-90 a week). After offices opened again my scheduled remained the same. I, a single parent, moved out of my moms to my own place. I’ve gone through 3 managers and each one assured me there were no plans to up my in office presence as only caseworkers needed to move to hybrid. Things are great. I can take and pickup my kid from school as her school has no aftercare with Thursdays continuing to be in office for the printer. (Sister has watched every Thursday for the last 4 years). I don’t have an “off” time. An emergency comes up with vendor schedules? Cool I got it! Data entry at midnight because I got insomnia and we have a big check batch tomorrow and wanna get ahead? Great!
February comes and we get the email that all company remote work will cease immediately. I explain my situation and I’m given one week to find childcare.
I spent a month asking family/classmates parents on a rotating basis and it’s not sustainable. A nanny is more than I make. I again ask for leverage but am told I must report to the office every day. I reduce my hours to make pickup.
I’m spending 7-10 hours a week in traffic (major expressway is undergoing construction) despite living less than 10 miles from the office. I’ve had to take up more hours at my “fun rotating weekend gig” to try to patch the difference. (They know I have it. HR approved it. Not a conflict of interest and they let me bring my kid). I’m exhausted.
Now they are going to start charging $90 a month for parking. Which means more to pickup. I’m beyond ready to leave but my role is a unicorn.
Does anything like what I do exist? What’s would be a similar role title? Where can I go from here?! If you read this far I appreciate you!

We didn’t have a typical breakup. Although I was the one who started the conversation to initiate it, we both agreed that due to our situation, we wouldn’t be able to continue dating. There were a lot of “I love yous” said during the breakup, and we had a long hug goodbye.
The reason we broke up was that my ex got a new job and had to move somewhere that’s a 6 hour drive away. When he first started talking about possibly having to move, we were both optimistic about continuing our relationship long distance. However, my ex does have a history of mental health issues, and even while he was job searching, I noticed his mental health declined because his communication was becoming worse. We both decided that it wouldn’t be a good idea to try doing long distance, given the fact that communicating would be harder and even more so if he ever experienced other issues.
However, there’s no denying that I still love my ex, and I’m sure he still loves me. Although we only dated 2-3 months and were still technically in the “honeymoon phase,” I have never felt more drawn to someone. My ex is very mature for his age - he even thought to get me flowers on our first date - and he always made me feel like I could be myself, which is something I struggle with around others since I tend to be more introverted. He was also the first guy who said he loved me and genuinely meant it and the first (and only) guy I have slept with.
I recently saw him when he paid a visit to see his best friend graduate from my college, and he told me he’d make more visits to see friends here and that I could see him when he did. The moment I saw my ex that day, I honestly felt like I fell in love with him all over again. He’s been through a lot in his life, yet he’s made so much of it and he’s always so sweet, understanding, and funny. Not to mention, I always want to melt when I stare into his eyes.
Anyways, I am still in college and plan to go to law school after I graduate in two years, but I really have no interest in dating anyone now because I can’t get over how much I love my ex. I really want to try to get into a good law school that is near where he lives in hopes of reconnecting with him. I don’t plan on limiting myself to that plan for the future, but I know that it’s something I want to consider. My ex and I had often talked about getting married, and even before he left for his job, he refused to take back one of his sweatshirts he’d given me because he wanted to hold onto hope that we’d be together again.
I’m hoping I’m not too delusional about the whole situation, but in any case, having this kind of mindset has helped me deal with his absence.
TLDR: I still love my ex who I am on good terms with, and I am holding onto hope that we can one day be together

Can I ask for some advice about something? What would you do if you are in my place. my best friend let's call her Ruby. Ruby moved about two years ago now, she was going to come back and visit for graduation week and wanted the friend group to hang out like we used to, when i told her i didn't believe it would be possible she has continued to push for us to all hang out. I finally told her the reason that it would not work out she completely ignored me. Now the reason the friend group hanging like we used to won't work out is because this ex friend of mine who I'll call cici randomly after a school essay I wrote quite talking to me and started to spread rumors about me the essay was supposed to carry so sort of theme that means somthing to us so I wrote mine on how it can feel to be in the middle of a friend group that is arguing and not knowing what to do. I will copy and past the essay below the rest of the story. After I turn the essay in cici somehow gets a hold of it and spins it to sound like I'm attacking her and im bullying her and so for the month of February everyone ignores me which really hurt because I had no idea why as they just on day started to ignore me it also was my birthday that month and I had no one to share it with. After a while lila,Taylor and Sara realize what happened and apologized for what they did and I quite trying to communicate with cici. After I quite reaching out to her and trying to protect a dying fire my mental health improves to a point where not only I noticed but my teachers noticed also. Back to my earlier topic I told ruby that I refuse to hang out with cici because she has been treating me like shit and my parents won't even let me see/talk to her outside a school sanctioned event because at are very last sleep over before she she started to ignore me almost ended with me In the hospital because her brother threatened me with a knife and their dog attacked me because i used self defense to get the knife from her brother. During this sleepover cici's parents were awar of what happened and didn't tell my mom so after that I wasn't allowed back to their house. Even after all that I still tried to keep that friendship alive if not only because I cared for cici but also for ruby. Still despite all these reasons ruby refused to split her time between us and Is no longer coming. AITAH for refusing to hang out with someone who has betrayed my trust and put me in a dangerous situation just because my friend who moved away wants us to hang out together?
Here is the essay
Just because your friends are friends doesn’t mean they will always understand. A few days after spring break in 8th grade my friend Cici started hanging out with a girl that the rest of our friend group doesn’t like because she is mean and rude. So we told her what we thought of this girl and that she could hang out with her but we didn’t want to be near a person like that, however Cici did not listen and kept inviting her to hang out with us. My other friend Sara was starting to get really upset because this girl was calling her names and bullying her. This same girl had also left intentional bruises on my body because I told her I already had a partner in pe. Finally, after months and months of off and on fighting it was the last day of school. Sara had finally had enough of how the girl had treated us and snapped as she listed off all the hateful and violent things that this girl had done to me, Lila, Ruby some of our other friends. The girl then started to ball saying how all of us are liars and cici shouldn'tlisten to us about anything that we say. During this entire situation I stayed quiet and listened to what the others had to say, because I wanted to say something but didn't know what to say to fix the situation.For weeks after that cici and sara refused to talk to each other, until I finally managed to get them to both apologize. Then for a while after that everything seemed good. A new girl who I will call Tyler moved to town and we basically absorbed her into the friend group. Things were going well until about four weeks into our ninth grade year. Sara started to be exceedingly hostile the rude girl Cici had been hanging out with sense last year, Which caused fighting to break out. So then Sara started to distance herself from us to hang out with a guy who i also used to consider a friend i will call him jem. Now the reasonme and jem are no longer friendsis becausehe told my to off myself several times over the course of about two months.So as they are hanging out jem is also constantly flirting with her, so we make a joke that they were dating. This caused sara to explode at everyone in the group chat. When she texted in the group chat she directed all of the texts about it to Cici and when I confessed that it was me who was made and the joke she proceeded to say that it was Cici’s fault and that it “ IS NOT SOMETHING TO JOKE ABOUT!! You know what I think of rumors and dating.” We all replied saying it didn't mean for it to be a big deal and we weren't making fun of her that it was only a joke. Sara proceeded to snap back “If we are in relationships with guys, it's not something to joke about. When other people believe it, then it's too much.” So in response Ruby answered with “You literally would make fun of me and my old boyfriend tim back when we were dating.” Then Lila added, “Yeah you make me feel like crap about me and Carl all the time and guess what you coming after Cici being a jerk to Cici for everything saying that everything that everything the "rude girl" knows and does is because of her. There's also the fact that when you tease and make fun of us we are supposed to deal with it, but when we do it to you we are rude horrible people." Sara’s only response to that was “You guys never said that you weren't ok with it. You just need to tell us, and we will stop. No one ever said anything, so we thought it was ok.” I responded with “who is the we in this situation, because I told people to stop when they crossed a boundary and that one of the only people who never listened or apologized for it was lila. I haven't even taken anybody's side throughout this whole situation” after I say this, Sara goes off again. “I'm done ok. Just leave me out of all this. Be your own friend group. I'll be a singular person, and then I won't have to be a burden to anyone. Sorry I was such a bad friend. Also I don't want any pity.” At this point everyone is annoyed and tired of this situation so Ruby speaks up again telling Sara that she is not the main character and to grow up, and that she started it. After this Sara separates herself from us and as a week turns to two weeks then two weeks turns into a month. Between all of the fighting, homework, sports, and everyday stress I start to become irritable and snappy because no matter how much I try to stay neutral to keep peace, Sara and Cici are always fighting. So one time when the fighting over text picks up again I end up snapping at my family and yelling something at them that everyone would probably be happier if i just died. The next day I tried to act like everything was fine. I ended up making it until PE where I ended up breaking down infront of my teacher and skipping school for the rest of the day in the office crying my eyes out to the guidance counselor. I told her everything that happened and that sometimes when I tell my friends things I don't like or feel comfortable with, they sometimes will forget or ignore what i say. Which always makes me angry or sad because I always take the time to understand and respect my friends boundaries. that's when I realized that just because your friends are friends doesn’t mean they will always understand. Despite that fact I will always respect others boundaries even if they don’t respect mine and I will always remind others of my boundaries or distance myself from them. Just because your friends are friends doesn’t mean they will always understand and just because you can/want to say or do something hurtful doesn’t mean that you should. Know where to darw the line.

I’m a new grad on L&D who recently got put back on orientation 2 weeks after my 36 shifts of training. I’m noticing there seems to be no winning here. I got put back on orientation because people made up things about my performance or took something I said completely out of context. Both doctors & nurses alike.
The other new grads in my cohort are thriving, but they all worked at this hospital before/went to the associated nursing school with this hospital, so they all know each other & how the floor works. Like, I get I’m new & maybe people don’t trust me yet, but some of the treatment feels like bullying. They talk constantly about how great the other grads are doing right in front of me, push me out of conversations intentionally, make plans w/ the new grads & don’t invite me, and just generally treat me like garbage.
My original orientation was also so much bs, there was so much I didn’t learn bc my preceptor was so type A she did everything herself. My managers even apologized that I got such a crappy orientation because my preceptor was “newer” & also, there is NO UNIT BASED TRAINING MANUAL/PROTOCOLS. You basically just follow a nurse around for 12 weeks & watch what they do. Thriving here seems impossible if you didn’t already tech/student/extern here in the first place. We had one girl in the cohort who I made friends with because we were kind of “outsiders” (nothing to do with the hospital previously). Yeah, she quit the day before she was supposed to come off orientation.
My confidence just feels destroyed, I’ve worked here almost 5 months & have made no friends, which is unusual for me as I am a very social person. I get told I can’t do anything right on the daily. No praise for the good stuff. And then when I express frustration I’m told to suck it up. Idk, I’m already so drained after 5 months. Should I move to a new specialty? Try clinic nursing? Stay with it? Any advice helps!! 🧡

We are trying to figure out if she has something going on but because she is totally dysregulated when she gets angry. No diagnosis yet.
Since a few days she has been calling me dumbo and poop when she is angry. She doesn’t swear. Thinks it’s bad to do so. She realizes later and calms down.
Today she called me trash and lazy because I asked her to switch off tv. I didn’t answer anything after that. Then she saw that I had a link to a boarding school open my phone. It’s a school where my colleagues son goes and I actually thought about it for a few minutes. It’s a very good school. It was an irrational thought but I considered it at that time.
She uses my phone to text her friends. That’s when she saw it. She got pretty mad. She called me those names again and then said I don’t deserve to live. She also said someone should take my tongue away so I can never speak. She said I was lazy, I don’t do anything around the house and there is a reason why people don’t like me and I don’t have friends. She got sent to her room. After a while dad went to talk to her. She claims that I’m lying and twisting her words. She is not violent and when she’s fine, she’s very gentle and loving.
Tomorrow is her school’s open house and I think the punishment would be that I will not attend it. My husband probably shouldn’t either. She is super excited about it. We were too. We won’t have time to talk about it in the morning. I’ll go to work and planned to go to the open house directly from there. I feel hurt by the things she said. She may have a PDA profile. I don’t know. But my husband and I are very involved parents. May be I am childish, but I am hurt and I don’t know the appropriate punishment for this.

Stuck and need to let it out
Before i start i know i am very stupid for the choices i made. I (26f) got married to my husband (30m) when i was 21 we met from mutual friends and i fell in love with him and it was a feeling ill never forget. He was an amazing guy until he wasn’t he was always very charming and people instantly liked him when meeting him. There is more details but i am going to try to sum it up. I worked a little after marriage than covid hit and i got pregnant with my first born. He took care of me financially always and assured me i dont need to work anyways. I was with him when he was struggling i never complained as a newly wed who barley got to spend time with her husband because i understood i never asked him to take me out or anything i stood by him and now hes very successful (ill get back to why i mentioned that later) my pregnancy was very stressful in my 7th month he hit me and i had bruises on my neck and face i dont even remember what the fight was about after giving birth i struggled alot i was 22 years old i kept finding porn and videos being sent between friends which i have seen before but it started to make me feel bad about myself which i have always been confident before him i told him it bothered me and it never stopped so now im 23 and insecure and i alter my body and do a procedure thinking that will fix things (as i said i know im stupid) he strangled me 2 months after giving birth to the point that i passed out and woke up he almost killed me i never told anyone. He kept saying hes changing and well work things out so i forgave him. My family dosent believe in divorce and as much support i have from them i don’t want to disappoint them. We did good for a little bit we moved to a bigger place and than we moved again to another bigger place that i am in currently. In between all of that there was stuff that i kept seeing that hurt me and bothered me but anytime i say anything he says its me who keeps digging which is true because i grew up having a father who cheated on my mom and i saw it first hand im not going to lie it traumatized me but i did not project it on him until after he started doing the things he did. Hes a very jealous person himself he always tried to control everything he hates that im good looking he tells me all the time he should have married someone “ugly” i do NOT dress provocative at all i barley show any skin but somehow EVERYTHING always leads back to how i dress and all our problems are my fault because of how i dress he says that when we go out men always check me out and it angers him even tho i am not showing any damn skin. Anyways mothers day 2022 he hit me again but he says he didnt but the bruises on my arms say otherwise i have pictures of it and it was bad he tried to throw me down the stairs i begged him not to. Sadly i still wanted to be loved i forgave him moved on he is would buy me gifts and cards and because im so stupid i believed he was sorry anyways now its 2023 and i find out im pregnant i didnt know how i felt my first born was lonley so i thought at least they will have a sibling.. surprise its twins and i knew im going to go through it i had the worse pregnancy i almost died i developed pre eclampsia and my doctor missed it i gave birth early my whole pregnancy i was alone i was so lonley just me and my first born i cried everyday husband was working so i couldn’t complain without it turning to a fight even though its his company and he could afford to have been there a little for me it is not 7 months after i gave birth physically i feel good mentally i dont he is never there for me as a husband i been telling him i feel like he’s just a roomate at this point we have no dates barley any intimacy which had been going on for years i know hes insecure and i never used it against him but he always would to me he hates now that i bounced back quickly and like to dress up again because the end of my pregnancy i was very swollen i was wearing all his clothes. I kept crying telling him i have needs just like anyone else i want to feel loved i dont want to live like this but anytime i say anything he says i complain to much now last week he beat me over nothing it was 60 seconds into a petty argument and he attacked me i packed myself and my 3 kids he watched me packing calling me names i left to a hotel for a night nd than my moms house he got backlash from both our families i ended up having to come home for the kids im miserable hes not sorry mothers day he barley acknowledged me But we spent the day and today any time we try to talk about anything he blames me.
I know im stupid i dont know how i can start over again i have 3 kids i am in the works of going back to school so when the babys start school ill have my career because i am financially dependent on him which is my fault i worked since i was 14 but he convinced me not to anymore My oldest loves their father so much it hurts me to put my baby through this drama There is soooooo much more detail and stuff to add Hes not the worse person i guess i bring out the bad in him when all i ever wanted was to be in a healthy marriage and give my kids what i didn’t have growing up
I dont know what to do i know i have to finish school so i can get a stable job but that means i have to stay and suck it up
I never wanted to be divorced but this marriage is over i always thought cheating was the only reason for divorce i am not in love with him but its so hard to let it go i never was like this i was so out going the life of the party i dont even recognize myself i feel so sad and depressed and alone i have the most amazing friends but i cant get myself to open up

Hey all, I was let go from my position at my office job on April 19th and decided I wanted to start losing some weight. For reference, I’m 6’3 and was at 246 pounds at my last doctor’s office visit on April 16th. Fast forward to this past Saturday, May 11th, I was down to 233 pounds. That’s definitely a lot of weight lost in a short amount of time. That being said, throughout high school and college I was in the 170-pound range and gained a significant amount of weight during and after COVID.
My regimen has simply been cutting carbs and implementing a quick at-home workout almost every day, typically no more than 20 mins. Other than that I’m far more sedentary than I should be. The issue I think I’m facing, though, is either eating too few calories or eating too infrequently throughout the day. For example, yesterday I maybe consumed 1300-1400 calories, and most of that was lunch at Chili’s while watching the NBA playoffs. I also did a quick workout afterward that burned about 230 calories.
Since I’m not working, my sleep schedule has also been thrown off. I was consistently getting up at 6:20 every morning, but since being let go I’ve had multiple post 11 AM mornings, including a few post-noon wake up times. I’m going to work on that for sure!
I’d like to keep my weight where it is for right now, at 233 (give or take a couple pounds), with the eventual goal to get down to about 215-220. What should I do? According to the Mayo Clinic calorie calculator, I should be consuming around 3050 calories per day to maintain my weight. Should I aim for a little bit lower, maybe 2200-2500/day, to kind of slow down the weight loss before focusing on maintaining it?
This is all very new to me because I was below 200 pounds for over 20 years of my life! I definitely feel a lot better than I did 13 pounds ago but I’m worried I’m losing too much without realizing it, and I don’t want to do any damage to myself. Any help y’all can offer would be fantastic. Thanks!

For context: My family is dysfunctional everyone including me. I grew up listening to my parents argue, break shit, talk about their unhappiness the whole 9 yards. It still hurts to this day. Seeing the only people you know, look up to hate each other. It deeply hurt me. My mom enabled my dads aggressive behaviors. My mom would then make it our problem. Further abusing me and my two sisters. We were not hit just emotionally abused. I was and always will be vocal about my own issues. As such I was a scapegoat for everything. From family issues to just being someone to blame. Everyone in my family blamed me specially for their fights. My siblings and I have life long trauma and still struggle with mental health issues.
The nightmare finally ended when they got a divorce. My dad rebounded well I get along with him now and our relationship is drastically less toxic. My mom on the other hand is still spiraling. For all my dads flaws, he put our family though school and college. He is still a good father and I cant deny he isn't important to me. Its taken me until now to recognize my mom as an problem. I cant forgive her for her actions. Even though Iven aired out my problems she cannot seem to understand. Now after ive limited my interactions she wants me to stay in contact with her and consider moving in if she gets a condo. Fuck no id rather kms then live with her. She just stresses me out like crazy. Why would I move in with someone that hurt me so much. But I also don't want to visit because what's the point? She was barely a mother much less a good parent. Why not save the headache and just cut her from my life. She never changed and is still the same mess as before. I know its a little fucked up that I posted this about my family. Let me know what you guys think.

When your 16-year-old son asks you to chaperone the music program trip to Disney, you do not say no. And that is how I find myself in this situation.
The itinerary, flights, hotel, etc. situation is of course out of my control – the travel agency the school uses (ETSI) has planned all that out. Important thing is we're going over Memorial Day weekend.
We'll be in Disneyland from approx. 10:30 a.m. (traffic from LAX depended) until midnight Friday, 8:00-midnight Saturday (with the option to park hop to California Adventure after 11:00) & CA first on Sunday, hopping to Disneyland at some point and not leaving until midnight again.
While the chaperones are technically allowed to go back to the hotel (Desert Palms) during the day, it's discouraged & the kids are absolutely prohibited from doing so.
The kids don't have to stay with their chaperone, we just have to make them check in 3-4 times a day, using a special app. My kid will probably want to stick close to me, but let's be real, they're all going to want to be as independent as possible. Which means I'll be mostly on my own from rope drop to park close for nearly three full days.
I haven't been to Disneyland since 1996, the summer I turned 14.
So. If you had the park to yourself for nearly three full days, and wouldn't have magic bands or genie+ because the travel agency did not get you those as part of the package, how would you arrange your days?

Long story short, a girl who I know from my major who also used to take the bus with me had graduated a year ago, at that time I had went my way and bought her graduation gifts and a congratulations card, a year later she had not even texted me "congratulations" on my graduation last week, although she had went to the graduation party and knows that I've graduated there.
Here is the thing, me, her and her friend who is now my ex-friend used to take the same bus and are in the same major, but since me and my ex-friend and a couple other people had to work in a graduation project she had showed me her true colors, in short she is nothing but a snake, a bully, a backstabber, and I am pretty sure that she had been feeding her lies and other stuff about me. guy to the point where I would be walking through a room's door and she would be opening the door to "us", & when I had said "thank you" to her she ignored me, meanwhile when the guy behind me who is one of the guys who used to work in the graduation project with us had passed by and thanked her, she said "your welcome" to him.
I am hurt, I am broken, the group that I've worked with for the graduation project have hurt me, bullied me, etc I need therapy becuase of them. I could write over 1000 pages about everything they've done to me during the past 9 months, specially this semester, I don't know what to do, I've already graduated, I feel like shit, I keep dissociating, I am afraid of facing real life, I just wish I can go back in time and re-live my last semester in uni, it was the WORST semester ever, the constant bullying, humiliation, and the INFINTE AMOUNT OF RACISMA that I've faced was and still unbearable, I wish I could have the chance to go back and enjoy my last semester in uni, I am stuck in this phase of depression, I can't accept the fact that I am no longer an undergraduate, that time is flying by me, I regret being vulnerable and opening up to my ex-friend, I regret befriending her, I wish when she had approached me in class 2 years ago that I've kept it casual, maybe now she would have just been a "classmate", I hate being in this position.
I am afraid of befriending people now, not a single person from my uni had contacted me after graduating, It was literally me sending a congrats text to 5 people, 3 of them had replied, and the 3ed one keeps dragging replying to me for days, and the other 2 literally ignored the texts. I feel so lonely, so alone, I don't even have high-school friend, childhood friends, etc.

Hey all! I'm a single mom with a newborn as well as a two-year-old to support. I'm currently working 18 hours a day (two jobs) and am only home 6 hours, which I try to use to sleep but realistically only get around 2 with the baby. My children stay at daycare all day because I have no family to help me (only sibling passed away and I have no contact with my parents) and it's very expensive for me. Unfortunately my jobs combined only cover the daycare and food; I've been sleeping at co-workers' houses with my kids in the meantime. I want to go to college to try and get a better job so that I can get paid more, but I'm not sure how. Any advice on squeezing some kind of online or night school in? I work 7 days a week so weekends aren't an option, and I never finished high school. (By the way, before anyone comments "why would you have kids if this is your situation," it wasn't my choice). I know this was a lot to read but I'm hoping someone has at least a couple tips. Thank you guys so much!

In the fall, my mother purchased 5 tickets for an event on Ticketmaster. The event was rescheduled, and we weren't sure if we were going to be able to go. After the refund window closed, we learned we wouldn't be able to go. I was tasked with reselling them. This might literally be the first time I have ever used Ticketmaster, and had no idea how tickets are resold in the digital age. I listed them on Craigslist, Stubhub, and Ticketmaster's own resell service. Didn't hear anything until a couple days ago, when in close proximity I received sales on both Stubhub (for all 5) and Ticketmaster (for just 2). The Ticketmaster sale (just 2 tickets) seemed to go through automatically. The problem is that Stubhub says I'm now committed to provide the 5 tickets or they will charge me the full amount plus more fees on top. I know this is on me for not reading the terms and conditions more carefully but I'm still shocked at the policy.
Wondering if anyone has navigated similar experiences.

Back in late December(2023) my best friend Logan, passed away and I still can’t get over it. Logan was one of, if not my closest friends and over my schools winter break he passed and I never got to say goodbye. Basically there was a blood clot in his brain and he was hospitalized and everyone, especially me, thought that he would be okay except for his brother(my other friend) who panicked every day about it. Because I was his only friend everyone expected me to help him no matter what. his brother also expected me to tell everyone in our friend group when Logan was hospitalized and everyone kept calling me and asking me about it and it gave me no time to just handle and deal with it. So by the time of the funeral, I was a wreck. I never really got to say goodbye to Logan. Other than when his mom was in the hospital and she put me on speaker to tell him goodbye what I told him I promised to take care of his brother like he did And watch over him. Now that he’s gone, I’m not saying that everything that I like to do involved him and without him, I’m just empty. in the hardest part is, he was the one that held our group together because he was always so cheerful and happy and there’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think of him. I don’t know if I should visit him and just talk. And it’s also hard because everyone in my front group pretends like it’s fine and it doesn’t feel like I can talk to any of them about it.

I have an idea for a new kind of westmarch. Some of this will be hard to grasp. I am not trying to argue its points. If you are interested let me know.
Everyone is their own dm. This is the main point. You paid for the content, use it as you wish.
Since you are your own dm. You approve your own characters. This means you decide what content is allowed on dndbeyond.
You can solo or form a group. A dm will be decided upon by the group. Usually this is the person advertising. When forming a group players will just br upfront about what they want.
Homebrew. Go for it. When you post in LFG you will list what rule set is being used. 5e will be the most common. This also goes for optional rules. Homebrew will get tricky but I think its doable. Communication will be important. Their are some tricks to this. Like having your custom things be documented in a way that its explained upon use. Avrae custom attacks allow for this. Whatever the homebrew it should ideally be setup through custom commands.
I understand why servers set common rules and standards. Players should be allowed to decide this for themselves on an adhoc basis as they form groups.
There is no content to balance against. There will be narratives and example combat created. But players will be encouraged to add to it and run with it.
Primarily I need some staff to work put the details of our shared vision. Dms and players for sure. It feels like an exciting opportunity to really put d&d to good use.
At its core its to facilitate roleplaying. This is what I want to emphasize on the server. Not arbitrary rules dictacted by server staff. Not saying that wm servers are wrong. I am just burnt out on them. Having to start the grind to 20 again. It makes no sense. It is a game of imagination and creativity. I feel that arbitrary rules are prohibit that.
I very much do not want to involve any kind of gacha mechanics. The server should just be fun. This is all we need to encourage growth and activity. Mechanics designed to reward players for logging in, forcing them through grinds that have a cap with daily and weekly resets or limiting character respecs. I just don't understand why we do it to ourselves.
Since every player is their own dm. They can respec whenever they want outside combat. They can level up freely in town. Rest as often as they want. Award themselves anything. Even determining how a rule is to be applied when concerning their own characters.
Erp and nsfw. We just need to follow discord rules. I understand that allowing it prevents having a permalink. This will ultimately need to be discussed with other staff. Allowing it will quickly push away some players and draw in others.
Player owned channels for things like homes, shops, taverns. I'm in favor of it all. With something about no use in x days leading to removing them to make room for new ones. There is a channel limit after all.
I think I covered enough to get started.

I haven’t made a post like this before but I’m really struggling and hurt and need to know if I’m just over reacting. Tbh i am not sure if this is the right sub for this.
I got engaged 2 days ago. My mom was very happy and loves my fiancé. We have been together for 5 years and she has always been very accepting of him and our relationship. My mom has triggers that will usually set her off (feeling like she’s being abandoned or unwanted).
Today my older sister asked me what our wedding plans are in a group chat with her, my mom, and I. Elopement or traditional wedding? Ideally, my fiancé and I would LOVE to get eloped as we both struggle from social anxiety. However I told her we would be happy having a small, immediate family only wedding (mostly to appease my mom and his family). My mother immediately said “you have to have it here though”. “Here” as in my home state which I absolutely hate and do not want. This of course upset her and her response was “what about your grandma, your friends and my friends” (the MY friends got me. Why do her friends have to come? Anyways not the point). I live in another state with my fiancé and his family and told my mom (who is very wealthy and doesnt work) that they could very easily come here. She’s constantly traveling all over the world so I figured a 1 hour plan ride would be no big deal. I even said we could make appointments and set dates for any dress shopping or venue shopping because my future MIL and sister in law would like to be included. They love me and I have been considered a part of their family ever since we met. MIL works and sister works and goes to school full time. They aren’t as financially well off to be buying plane tickets.
This is where I might have f’d up. After I said that she immediately responded with “so I’m excluded from that too. Fine. I don’t want to talk anymore”. It’s like she didn’t even read my texts because obviously I want my mom with me. I love my mom, always have despite the problems we have had.
My sister tried to reassure me and said it would be ok and that she has been through this before with her too. Refusing to talk to her after she moved across the country with her own husband.
I’m just so tired of the manipulation and I almost don’t even want to invite her anymore knowing that something else will trigger her again along the way of planning. And she gets mean about it, really mean. Tries to make you feel guilty.
Anyways, I’m not sure what kind of answer I’m looking for from Reddit. I guess just to know I’m not crazy and that I have the freedom to make my own decisions and not worry about what my moms reaction might be. I’m just hurt and need to vent.

We thought a camping trip in Northern Ontario's wilderness would be fun. The six of us—Tom, Liz, Sarah, Mike, Danny, and I—had been friends since high school.
On the first night, we gathered around the campfire, sharing ghost stories. Tom, ever the prankster, told us about the Wendigo, a malevolent spirit from Algonquin legend that turns humans into insatiable cannibals. We laughed it off, but the dense forest around us seemed to whisper warnings.
The second night, strange calls began. They were distant at first, echoing through the trees—long, mournful howls that sent chills down my spine. "Probably wolves," Mike said, but he sounded uneasy. We huddled closer to the fire, the shadows dancing menacingly on the trees.
By the third night, the howls were closer. Tom and Danny decided to investigate, despite our protests. They grabbed flashlights and headed into the darkness, leaving us by the fire. Hours passed. We called out for them, but the forest swallowed our voices.
When they finally returned, something was off. Their eyes were wild, their clothes torn. "We didn’t see anything," Tom said shakily. Danny just nodded, staring into the fire as if he could see something we couldn't. We exchanged worried glances but said nothing.
The fourth night, Liz went missing. She'd gone to collect firewood and never came back. Panic set in. We searched the forest, calling her name until our voices were hoarse. There was no trace of her.
Tom and Danny grew more erratic. They whispered to each other in hushed tones, casting paranoid glances our way. It felt like they were hiding something, but fear kept us silent.
On the fifth night, the howls turned into screams—agonizing, human screams that echoed in our ears long after they faded. We were terrified, huddled together in the tent, clutching each other. I couldn't shake the feeling that we were being watched.
The next morning, Mike was gone. His sleeping bag lay empty, the zipper torn open as if he'd been dragged out. Tom and Danny insisted we move camp, but their eyes gleamed with something sinister. I realized then, too late, that they were no longer my friends. They were something else, something hungry.
That night, Sarah and I stayed awake, listening to the howls. We planned to leave at first light, but they attacked before dawn. Tom and Danny—or whatever they'd become—came for us with an insatiable hunger in their eyes. We fought, but it was no use. I managed to escape, running blindly through the forest, the screams of my friends echoing behind me.
I stumbled upon a ranger's cabin at dawn, exhausted and delirious. The rangers found me raving about the Wendigo. They never found my friends. Sometimes, late at night, I hear those mournful calls, and I know they’re still out there, hunting. And I know one day, they’ll come for me too.

i go to school out of state, and i have been very homesick and do not enjoy it here. i am transferring next year. my girlfriend lives in my home town. The school I go to is on a quarter system so l do not get out of school until June 10. My friends will all have been home for an over a month by then. A few months ago, my girlfriend and I bought tickets to see an artist we both like at red rocks (we have both seen this artist before but not together), and for her to come visit me. both are refundable. BUT my friend here, just told me she will be going home that weekend so she will not be able to drive us to the concert like planned. I looked into flights and found Remo flights for me to come home. As it is memorial weekend, I will be able to go home for six days. In this time, I could see my family, my friends, and my girlfriend. However, my girlfriend is sad that we will not be able to have a five nights sleepover as originally planned (our parents are strict and will not allow this otherwise). at the same time, I feel anxious about that although my roommate approved of this, I do not want to make her feel uncomfortable by having my girlfriend sleepover for such a long period of time. My question is, how do I decide if if I should go home, or if I should just keep my original plans. My girlfriend said she will not be mad at me, but she will be very disappointed because our plans have changed and we will not be able to see the artist together. She has visited me twice before, so this will not have been her only opportunity to visit me at my school. pros: gf saves $150+ (flight, concertaticket), get to see friends family and gf, save money on uber and food, won't feel bad for roommate
cons: no sleepover (her feelings more than mine), not "unlimited" one on one time with gf, can't see artist together at cool venue, gt will be disappointed, miss a few classes ( can make up all

Long story short, a girl who I know from my major who also used to take the bus with me had graduated a year ago, at that time I had went my way and bought her graduation gifts and a congratulations card, a year later she had not even texted me "congratulations" on my graduation last week, although she had went to the graduation party and knows that I've graduated there.
Here is the thing, me, her and her friend who is now my ex-friend used to take the same bus and are in the same major, but since me and my ex-friend and a couple other people had to work in a graduation project she had showed me her true colors, in short she is nothing but a snake, a bully, a backstabber, and I am pretty sure that she had been feeding her lies and other stuff about me. guy to the point where I would be walking through a room's door and she would be opening the door to "us", & when I had said "thank you" to her she ignored me, meanwhile when the guy behind me who is one of the guys who used to work in the graduation project with us had passed by and thanked her, she said "your welcome" to him.
I am hurt, I am broken, the group that I've worked with for the graduation project have hurt me, bullied me, etc I need therapy becuase of them. I could write over 1000 pages about everything they've done to me during the past 9 months, specially this semester, I don't know what to do, I've already graduated, I feel like shit, I keep dissociating, I am afraid of facing real life, I just wish I can go back in time and re-live my last semester in uni, it was the WORST semester ever, the constant bullying, humiliation, and the INFINTE AMOUNT OF RACISMA that I've faced was and still unbearable, I wish I could have the chance to go back and enjoy my last semester in uni, I am stuck in this phase of depression, I can't accept the fact that I am no longer an undergraduate, that time is flying by me, I regret being vulnerable and opening up to my ex-friend, I regret befriending her, I wish when she had approached me in class 2 years ago that I've kept it casual, maybe now she would have just been a "classmate", I hate being in this position.
I am afraid of befriending people now, not a single person from my uni had contacted me after graduating, It was literally me sending a congrats text to 5 people, 3 of them had replied, and the 3ed one keeps dragging replying to me for days, and the other 2 literally ignored the texts. I feel so lonely, so alone, I don't even have high-school friend, childhood friends, etc.

I will try and keep this short. In my 2nd last year of high school, towards the end of the year my father passed away from cancer. The funeral came along and I had a couple of girls from my friend group come to the funeral. At the time of the funeral they were very supportive.
For context I went to a small private girls school with approximately 40 students in the grade, everyone knew everyone and were all close. At this point I had only told that group of girls about my father’s death. The majority of my year level knew about my father’s cancer.
Fast forward 2 weeks later, my bf at the time told me one of the girls posted a be reel ,15 minutes after the funeral in their car. I approached the girl in the group chat (as she never checks her private DM’s) and asked her, she told me she had taken a photo in the car after the funeral. She showed me the photo. The photo wasn’t as bad as my ex bf made it out to be but here’s the thing… in the photo one of the girls was covering her face up, which to me looked like she was crying, but apparently she was “laughing” because they were playing music to try and “lighten “ the mood. Now I have nothing against trying to lighten the mood, the only thing that annoyed me was the fact that she would post a be real, in black funeral clothes with the other girls all wearing black, with one of them looking like they are crying.
I told her that I felt like that was an invasion of me and my families privacy, since this was on a school day, people would notice easily if a whole friend group was absent, as well as the fact that some teachers who came to support me would also be absent too. When I brought this up I got told I was being dramatic. This is the exact words I was sent
“ Was it of you? No. I would understand if we were actually still there or it was mid ceremony or something but we were not even at the venue still, so dont see the issue. I would totally understand the issue with that go off all u want thats so inconsiderate but it was a good 15 mins after we had left”.
After this they totally ignored me for the next 2 years of high school.I understand that people aren’t going to support me through my grief, they move on with their lives and that’s understandable. But the fact that they wouldn’t even talk to me, ignore me on my high school graduation night as it fell on to my fathers death anniversary most likely because it made them feel uncomfortable really hurt me.

I plan to show this to my girlfriend (I’ll call her Nora since she has a ridiculously rare name) when she’s finished her finals on Thursday. I’m using a throwaway because she’s advocated for me to always convey my feelings, with her, a journal, friends or my family and I’ll use reddit this time and she loves this platform. We’ve resolved everything but I still want to write everything down and show her.
For some background, Nora and I met and became the best of friends when we both started middle school; we had the same classes together up until high school and up until Covid, we stopped talking for 2-3 years. In 11th grade, we had many of the same classes once again and within 2 months of the school year, I fell for her. I didn’t confess for another 4-5 months by asking her out to junior prom and we started dating March 31, 2022. Since then, we’ve bettered ourselves, experienced shared dreams, been to 6 countries and 20 states together. We one-up each other when it’s time to celebrate our birthdays and anniversary. We saved each other and I know for certain that she is my soulmate and she’s the only person that I want to marry and have a family with down the line. Currently, we’re freshmen at different colleges in our home state.
For the past few weeks, she’s been stressed for this one final, it’s the highest math she needs for her program and we’ve been taking college classes since June 2022 up until attending college in August 2023. Her plan for the last 2 years has always been to attending community college to knock out her pre-reqs before transferring within a few months. Although since she’s nearing the finish line for this plan, it’s been taking the biggest toll on her.
But last week specifically, she was really unresponsive, which isn’t like her. Whenever she would stay the night over, she would either sleep on the couch in my room and stay up longer than me (which always worried me considering I’m quite an insomniac whenever I don’t get a chance to share the same bed with her or to hear her telling me goodnight). The only time she opened up to me was to let all of her frustrations out. I would go to my family (they love her just as much as they love me) a lot but they’d only endearingly laugh at me, my mom especially. She’d tell me “She’s the reason you’re able to be open up so much to us, give her time” and things along those lines.
I did do as my mom said and gave her time, but I know my girl very well. I know when she wants to talk, when she wants to hug and when she wants to cry. But I also knew she didn’t want to talk just yet. Our conversations were short, and as much as it killed me, I knew she needed time more than anyone.
Yesterday (Mother’s Day), I ended up being the reason we fixed things. We like to spend the first half of holidays at her place then mine after. I went to her place, her eldest brother opened the door and smiled at me, we made conversation and he told me she was upstairs. I dropped my gifts off and went to knock on her door. She said come in and was surprised to see me, I guess she didn’t know what time I was coming over.
Looking at her felt like time stopped, Nora has always been the most beautiful woman, no one can rival her radiant smile, her loud laughs or the pleasure of staring at her; but she was glowing. She smelt like lemon, ginger and coconut, she smelt like herself. She felt like herself. At that point my face was burning, she got up and started inspecting my face, her hands were on my face and she kept asking what was wrong.
I started crying without knowing and she started to panic, crying has become a normality for me, I always find myself crying when she cries. But crying out of nowhere was alarming for her. She spent 10 minutes consoling me before I apologized for making her panic. She said it was fine but asked what was wrong. I told her how when I saw her, it felt like she was herself again. It was the first time she’s touched me in over a week (physical touch being my love language) and I asked her what happened to make her, her regular self again. She told me that “Your support for me has been unwavering for 2 years, I can’t possibly disappoint you with how much you’ve put into being there for me through everything, and I think making gifts for your mom and mine just made me realize I shouldn’t stress so much, I got to take my mind off everything and I wanted to apologize to you for being so short and disrespectful of your feelings”
She started laughing after explaining and started teasing me until we started to banter back and forth and ended up wrestling together. After some minutes, Nora hugged me really tight and kissed me countless times and told me how sorry she’s been. I easily forgave her, she’s always gone out of her way to make sure I’m okay.
I just thought I’d put my feelings down somewhere before heading to bed, we’re sharing the same bed for the first time in a week or so and the idea of getting ready in the morning to help her study makes me smile. She’s been stressed a lot and I’ve promised her that once she’s officially done this semester, I’m treating her to a deserved spa day with a manicure and pedicure, I’ve already paid her hair stylist in advance for her appointment on Saturday.
I just want my girl to be happy and stress free the way she’s always trying her best to be present in lives of the people she cares for and she’s gone several miles: from being the first to show up for my younger sister’s (17) art exhibits, paying for her prom, taking her shopping, to going on morning walks with my older sister (22), going to concerts and helping my parents. I’d be stupid if I didn’t show how far my appreciation for her runs.
I’ve been rambling for the last 20 minutes and I’m happy I made this account, I really do love Nora more than life itself because she’s the one who made me love the longevity of my life. I talk to my dad about her constantly and my friends can’t go without telling me that I always talk about Nora when the chance is given. I can’t do without her and her serenity, her weirdness, her humor her warmth and her beauty.
Good night!
TL;DR: I'm planning to pour my heart out to my girlfriend after her finals. We've been inseparable since middle school, she's my soulmate. Lately, she’s been stressed, but we had a breakthrough on Mother's Day, and I feel relieved. I can't wait to support her and treat her to a spa day. I'm head over heels for her and deeply appreciate everything she does for me and my family.

it's my first time posting here so please bare with me. i started becoming aware that my sister wasn't someone i could "win" against or prove a point to about 4 years ago. in therapy i talked about trying to disengage and grey rock her while still maintaining a relationship because cutting her off didn't feel right.
most of the time, interacting with her leaves me so confused. i will admit i handle it badly and i have no idea what to do because it feels like no matter how much i prepare for it and tell myself to keep a level head, i reach a point where i explode and start yelling things that don't make sense to even me. i feel so stupid after like im surrounded by an ongoing wreckage that i caused
she has so many expectations for me that are entirely impossible to meet. i used to feel bad and upset with myself for not being what she wanted and scared of her disappointment, now i just feel angry that it's being imposed on me
i'm angry that im always compensating for her feelings and jumping hurdles to avoid fights in the house. i'm fed up with hearing her monologues about how much she's done for me my whole life and how terribly i've treated her.
i know i need to calm down in order to get to tomorrow, the real problem is how i messed up tonight. she's graduating from grad school in two days. we (other sister and i) asked her if she'd like to find a place to eat 2-3 weeks ago and her response was she wasn't sure what she wanted, she felt it would be a hassle, and she couldn't decide. cue us telling her it's her decision and we'd like to celebrate her however she'd prefer. we'd go in circles, i know she seeks validation and will never be satisfied with how much i'm willing to give before i feel like a sheep. each time we asked it was the same answer. yesterday we agreed to a meal after the ceremony but not on a place. we said she should pick a place and we'd make the reservation. today i'm texting her restaurants to choose from. the added issue is who pays for the meal because she's currently unemployed and my mom is also low income so they will split it.
planning a reservation for a large group comes with its own issues and those could've been handled but it started to feel impossible when she started saying "i just thought you guys would handle it after you said you would last night but now it feels like it's falling on me." after telling her that there's a miscommunication here because we only said we'd book the reservation after a place was decided, she brought up feeling disappointment and uncared for 6 more times. that's when i exploded and said that this was ridiculous and started arguing. the only way she would've stopped repeating that is if i had apologized for not doing better. she says she was so happy that we took the responsibility and stepped up for once, that she was bragging to best friend about it today
according to my other sister, narc sister is mostly now upset that i yelled and threw my feelings at her. i know 100% that for years now she'll be saying i ruined her graduation and that we as a family have never treated her well and that for all my graduations she did everything a big sister should do to make me happy
im so fed up truly i feel lost and deranged and like im hallucinating. i drafted a text to send in the morning apologizing for lashing out but i'm dreading having to see her in the morning and hear her dry responses that see no issue in how she expected us to be mind readers and take full control of the planning

This is a really long story with lots of context so I'll do my best to organize it into current situation, then his backstory and hers. I'm also not using real names or specific locations for any of this to try and keep this private. This also has some contradicting stories and because of how their relationship is structured relies mostly on information I have gotten from my sister, so I'm telling you the story I got from her first and then adding in what I've found out. I'll try to tell this as unbiased as I can but it's been a huge issue in my family for a long time now and that's a little difficult for me to do.
My (20F) sister (Olivia, 24F) has been dating this guy (Trevor, 25M) since 2021. When they started dating, she talked about him fairly often, sent a few pictures of them, ect., but then after a month she stopped mentioning him/ was cagey when we (me and my mom mostly) asked how he was so we assumed it just hadn't worked out. Then two months later she insisted that my parents (54F and 56M) and I all come to visit her college to meet Trevor before he went into the Army (she lived several hours away from my parents and several hours from my college, so I had to get a bus ticket and my parents had to get a hotel room to do this. We only met him once for dinner). Now they've been dating long distance for three years after a three month in-person relationship. She is in nursing school and is planning on moving across the country (literally opposite corners of the map) to live with him and is not applying to any residency programs outside of the Army base area (limiting her choices a LOT from her original goals and narrowing employment opportunities).
Olivia met Trevor on several dating apps, matched with him, but didn't really want to go out with him. He was really persistent, so her friend convinced her to go out with him. She lied about the way they met to our parents and told them they met at the gym through a mutual friend (she lied to me about this at first too and told me the truth about 3 months after they started dating). At the time, Trevor was working as a used car salesman and living at home (~45 min. away from Olivia's school in a rural area) because his sports scholarship had been dropped before his Senior year due to covid at the college he had been attending out of state. The university was unaccredited (I later did some internet stalking and found out it was accredited), so his credits would not transfer and he would have to start over. He was saving up money to attend school in state at the large college Olivia attended so he could go back to school. **Our state has crazy low tuition costs in-state and a full-tuition scholarship program for good high school GPA and SAT scores. There was also a "feeder" community college that had half the cost per credit hour that a lot of people would go to before the larger university if they didn't get in straight out of high school.**
Olivia told me that Trevor had applied to her college and not gotten in (she later told me he HAD gotten in but been unable to afford tuition). Either way, he decided to join the Army because his father had been in the Army. The Army would take his credit hours and he would be able to finish his degree during his 5 year contract or use the GI bill once he got out. **She is comparing the situation to our father, who joined the Army directly out of high school and used the GI bill to go to college after his 2 year contract because his parents wouldn't pay for school. He was a medic in the military, worked as an EMT through college, and then went to nursing school.** The original plan was that Trevor would be a Green Beret (special forces), he completed basic training and and got several months through training and moved to the secondary base in NC before failing the running portion of a physical by about 10 seconds and being dropped from the selection process. He then decided that he wanted to be a Ranger (another elite position). He got sent back to GA, then to the Ranger school base in WA (it took a couple of months before he was sent to WA). Again, he got partway through the training before failing the running portion of a physical by a few seconds. He is now not sure if he will be continuing Ranger school (failing the physical means no, but commanders may pass him anyways if they think he should continue). For a while, Trevor told Olivia that he might not stay at the base in WA if he wasn't in Ranger school and there were a variety of different bases he could be sent to, including somewhere in Italy, so she wasn't sure where to look for jobs. In the past month, Trevor told Olivia that he would likely stay in WA regardless of the Ranger school results.
Through this all, Olivia has visited Trevor at the different military bases countless times, driving from as far as south FL to NC and putting over 30,000 miles on a brand new car over the course of the 1.5 years she's owned it. Before she had the car, she paid for plane tickets to see him and hotels whenever she visited. At the time, she told me that he was paying for all of these trips because he was unable to visit her, was making an income that wasn't being spent, and she was working to save for nursing school and later was living off of student loans and savings during nursing school. She later admitted to me that she had paid for almost all of the expenses except for food when they ate out together and part of a hotel room one weekend.
A few odd things (to me) between Olivia and Trevor over the course of their relationship:
About a month into their relationship, Trevor got Olivia an over $300 christmas gift. He has not gotten her anything nearly that expensive since, and hasn't sent flowers for things like her college graduation or a severe emergency surgery she had last year. I don't care about monetary value or sending flowers, but I do think it is odd that he spent so much before moving away when he ostensibly didn't have much money, but now that he has an income and military sign-on bonus, he has not spent that much again.
Trevor's father left Trevor, his siblings, and his mother, but Trevor has a hat that his father gave him that he wore often. The hat says "Red Man" across the top of a picture of a Native American man wearing a feathered headdress. He has worn this hat several times around Olivia's friends and they told him they didn't like it and that it was racist. They also asked him to not wear it when he was with them and he refused because it was special to him and his father gave it to him. Olivia then told him to stop wearing it and he eventually agreed (Olivia told me that he stopped wearing the hat after this). A few weeks after this, I facetimed Olivia and Trevor was with her. She turned the camera so I could say hello to him, and he was wearing the hat. I talked to Olivia about this later and she told me that that was the first time he'd worn the hat in a while and it wasn't a big deal. Olivia has always been liberal and never racist, and I am uncomfortable that she was okay with him not only wearing the hat, but being with him while he had it on.
They dated for a little over 3 months in person before he joined the military (recently, Olivia told me that they actually met several months before she told everyone about him and that they actually dated for 6 months before he left). For the next two months in basic training, he was only able to use the phone for 15 minutes total once a week to talk to family and her. Throughout the different training programs he has completed he had sporadic and limited access to phones to communicate, and only in the past 6 months he has had access to his phone to facetime, text, and call (but sometimes he goes for a week or two without phone access). Olivia told me that they wrote letters during the time he didn't have consistent phone access. **I don't think that this is odd, I understand the military limits phone usage, etc., but I don't think they have been able to have an "average" long-distance relationship**
Last year, Olivia drove to GA to visit Trevor the weekend before Valentine's day. He had plans for them to take a pottery class, go on a hike, and have dinner at a nice restaurant. The day she got there, Trevor's barracks had their off-base privileges revoked because one of the guys had contraband. She would still be able to visit him on base though. Somehow, Trevor was able to get off base for long periods of time to her hotel, but unable to do the other activities he had planned for them.
In the past year, Olivia told me that she and Trevor were going to immediately marry when she got to WA so that they could move in together because they had to be married to live together anywhere. I and our dad- who was in the military- told her several times that this was not true, but she insisted it was. Then, his barracks were given an allowance to live off base in apartments because the barracks were being renovated/ rebuilt, so she backed off on the idea of getting married immediately after several long conversations with me. She is still insistent on moving in with Trevor, who lives with a roommate, when she moves to WA.
Some background on Olivia:
Olivia has ADHD and anxiety, and struggled particularly badly with the anxiety/ some depression after being broken up with by the boyfriend she dated before Trevor (he broke it off very abruptly, told her he just didn't love her anymore with no previous indications). Olivia is very pretty (objectively, not just because she's my sister), but had bad acne that she ended up going on accutane for at the time she started dating Trevor and was very insecure about it. She had also decided to not go to medical school, and pursue nursing instead around the same time she met Trevor. This was a very upsetting decision for her because she had been taking very hard courses and was burnt out but had told everyone she was going to be a doctor and thought that she would be letting us down by switching paths. Also around the time she started seeing Trevor, Olivia began being very cruel towards our mother (our mother had been borderline emotionally abusive in the past, but Olivia and I were both in college by then and fixing our relationships with her. She has been much better recently and Olivia and I believe that she had some mental health struggles that went unchecked that contributed). Now, several years later, Olivia told our family that she had acted like that because she was rpd by a friend of her ex-boyfriend's after her ex broke up with her. This person also gave her an STD.
I always believe people who say they have been S A'd, and we believed Olivia when she first told us, but some things have come to light that make me and my family question that. Right after Olivia and her ex broke up, Olivia told our cousin that she had gone out with one of his friends and had revenge/ breakup sex with him because he had also been dumped recently. Once my cousin told me this, I remembered that Olivia had told me about a guy she had a one night stand with after she was dumped. She showed me a picture of him, talked about how cute he was, etc. (no distress whatsoever). I know sometimes people behave in ways you wouldn't expect when a traumatic event occurs to them, but I really don't understand how or why Olivia would brag about this guy if he really did S A her.
Three months ago, Olivia was arrested for stealing a set of sheets from Walmart (incidentally, right before Trevor came to visit her on leave). She used the self check-out and only bought a small $5 item and the sheets. She held both in one hand and scanned each side because she had a cut on the other hand and was holding her wallet with it. She saw a 5 in front of the total number and thought it looked right because the total should have been about $50, paid, didn't get a receipt, and walked out. An employee at the door asked to see a receipt, which Olivia didn't have, so she pulled up her transaction history on her phone to show she had paid. At this point, the employee called the police and took Olivia into an office, where she was questioned and charged with shoplifting. (Olivia can get very emotional and probably got upset when the police questioned her, which may have led them to believe she was lying). Luckily, Olivia has managed to get the charges expunged, but the process is still ongoing. Because of her ADHD, if anyone genuinely made this mistake, I would believe it from her, but Olivia has been improving a lot on organization and being more attentive recently. It is extremely uncharacteristic of her to steal- she was honest to a fault as kids- she would break down from guilt and admit things to our parents that we would have gotten away with if she hadn't said anything.
Right now, my parents have met Trevor twice in person, and I've met him once in person and several times in passing over facetime. I personally don't think that Trevor seems to keep up with my sister or that they make each other shine, and that opinion is shared with family friends and family that have met Trevor. Olivia doesn't mention Trevor in front of our parents often because his name has become a topic of contention and argument between them. My parents don't think Trevor is right for Olivia. She has almost 2 college degrees and plans to become a nurse practitioner in the future, and he hasn't finished college and doesn't seem to have any drive to do so. Olivia is also well traveled and enjoys going to museums, concerts, etc., while Trevor has lived in rural FL his whole life (this is not Trevor's fault, and I don't think he is a lesser person because of it, but I don't see a lot of common ground between them). Trevor has not seemed very well spoken when I have talked to him and I just don't see a lot of qualities in him that Olivia values.
If you've gotten this far, I just don't know what to do. Olivia and my parents have a huge rift in their relationship right now and any mention of Trevor, with her around or not, explodes into a huge argument, discussion, or just icy silence. I want Olivia to be able to talk to me about him, and we are able to discuss things much better than she is with our parents. My parents have also started asking me about Olivia and Trevor because they know Olivia shares more with me, and it makes me uncomfortable because I don't want to betray Olivia's trust, but I'm also very worried about her. I know I can't control her actions and I'm having a really hard time trying to balance supporting Olivia but not supporting the relationship (I'm not going to lie to her about how I feel, but I don't want her to feel alienated or unloved by our family, because that is NOT the case). I also think that Olivia is romanticizing the fact that our parents don't like him because my father's parents had a rift with him over our mother when we were very young (this is a whole other story, but basically, his parents always favored his sister, his sister got (I think) jealous when he did well for himself and married my mother, who his parents initially likes, and she made up rumors/lies about my mother that turned his parents against her (this was way before our mother's suspected mental health struggles, which occured when Olivia and I were in middle/high school).
Please share any thoughts you have on the situation (am I reading too into things, is this not as bad as I think it is?), and any advice you have on navigating the relationships.
Tl;dr My sister's boyfriend lied about the circumstances of him dropping out of college and joining the military. Now I think he's lying about not making it through training for two different special/ elite forces. My sister has significantly changed her behavior and I think she may have lied about a significant traumatic event to our family. Now she is planning on moving across the country to him and moving in immediately. Our entire family doesn't like him and we're worried about her. How do I support her but not her relationship?