Hey guys, I had my math teacher send a letter of recommendation to a summer program I was applying to. He sent the program the letter, and he BCC'd me in it. I saw it and it was pretty good IMO. He said that's most likely the same one he'll use for my colleges and just put the college's name in it. Im curious what you guys think? Should I use it for college letters or go with a different teacher? Is it a good letter, is it Ivy League worthy or anything? Edit: Im a junior rn
Here it is (Sensitive info like my name is XXX out):
To Whom It May Concern: I am writing in enthusiastic support of xxx for entrance into the XXXX Program. XXX has a natural curiosity for all things, though her focus is most often centered in the STEM field. Her dedication to her studies and willingness to take on new challenges will allow her to thrive in the intensive environment that your program provides. XXX was originally a student in my freshman geometry class at the college prep level, but she very quickly showed enough promise that I waived her up to the accelerated level. I was sad to lose a student who was clearly very willing to participate, but we both agreed that it would be the best course of action for her ongoing math education. XXX did join the chess club during her freshman year, for which I am the advisor, so I was thankfully still able to follow her progress and hear her share how proud she was of the work she was doing. XXX has remained in accelerated math throughout high school, which allowed her to take my accelerated precalculus class starting this fall. Even in the higher-level course, XXX remains one of the most active participants in class discussion. She will often ask questions that probe further in-depth than the examples that we have covered, usually resulting in her independently coming to the realization that I’ve been building towards introducing to the class. Our course will cover some calculus material by the end of the year, but that has not stopped XXX from staying after school to ask questions about topics that she will encounter in AP Calculus next year. She has already expressed interest in the idea of derivatives, asking for explanations regarding instantaneous rate of change and its applications in the real world. Outside of the math classroom, XXX is the definition of a model student. Her grades in every class are stellar, even those that are not part of the STEM field, and she is an active participant in several extracurricular activities both in and out of school. She is never seen without a smile on her face and a positive attitude. These qualities all contributed to XXX being named Student of the Month last year, and she has received nominations this year as well. I cannot recommend XXX highly enough for selection to the XXX program. In XXX, the program would be gaining an insightful, curious and open-minded young woman who thrives when presented with a challenge. Her demeanor and affect allow her to develop easy friendships and seamlessly collaborate with anyone around her. She will be an asset to XXX. and to those lucky enough to work with her over the six weeks of the program.

There is a lot of context needed in this situation so please bare with me. Lately, I (25F) haven’t heard much from a friend who’s been in my life since college, so 7 ish years. We’ll call her B (25F). On our last year of college I got into a very toxic relationship where he wouldn’t let me see friends, go out, etc. if he wasn’t there too. This put a strain on all of my relationships, family included, besides my friendship with B. She was consistently supportive of me and was able to stay my close friend while sharing her grievances, which I made very hard for those around me because when you’re in that kind of relationship, your blind. She ended up moving out of our college town into my hometown after graduation. I wasn’t able to get out of the relationship and move back to my hometown until about a year later. I come to find out that B had been struggling in my hometown and had a hard time making friends or being happy. I was able to move into an awesome apartment with another friend who was actually the one to give me the courage to leave him. This was very exciting to me because I was able to introduce B to the lot of my friends from home that I adore. After that, me and B were both single and drinking a lot, sleeping around somewhat, and staying out late. B meets this guy named A who she fell for instantly. He didn’t want to be serious with her but they hung out constantly. She spent almost every night with him and despite him telling her that he only liked her as a friend and F-buddy, she was in love with him. She would drunk call/text every weekend, and started getting black out drunk a lot. When they broke up things got much worse. She would call me that she lost her car, didn’t remember getting home, even peed on her neighbors door and almost got kicked out of her apartment building for it. She had even threatened to kill herself once or twice. This has taken a severe toll on our friendship. These instances I always dropped everything to help her. I have become exhausted over the years and simply fed up. Fast forward a year and a half or so, two years after my last relationship, the one that was very toxic. I’d since become fed up with the antics so I started going home early when we hung out, distancing myself etc. every so often she’d “sober up” after a mental breakdown, somewhat get back on track, and then black out drunk again waking up at a random guys house. I recently met my now boyfriend about 4 months ago (28M) at my job. This guy really swept me off my feet. We will refer to him as X. It started off very casual but I was clearly very taken. B told me almost immediately after I told her it was getting serious between me and X that a girl she works with used to date X and that he ghosted her after telling her he loved her and that he’d buy her a house, all this really bad stuff. This rubbed me very odd because he seemed very sure about what he wanted out of a relationship and I felt we were on the same page about almost everything. I decided in the end not to bring it up to him, because I didn’t think the mistakes of anyone’s past dating history should affect the present, especially because he didn’t show me any red flags. He eventually shared it with me anyway and that he felt awful about how he acted in past relationships and how he has grown since then. I’d come to find out that this relationship B had told me about was over 4 years ago. She also constantly told me to “be careful” and to “keep a guard up” things like that because she swore he wasn’t a good guy and not the one for me. Note that she, at that point, had never met him and not once told me she was happy for me or seemed excited etc. This is all in the middle of severe mood swings, binge drinking and mental health episodes. She even almost didn’t come to my birthday dinner because she was too hungover and sad, and tried to make the night all about her and was a Debby downer the rest of the evening. B told me that another new work friend of hers that went to high school with X said he was an asshole in high school too, and that I should really rethink this entire thing. My roommate N also went to high school with X and explained to me that B’s work friend was a little off putting growing up, didn’t have many friends and since they went to a very large school, they didn’t even know each other. This was also very odd to me. I told B that these random bits about X’s past are not appreciated and did not affect how I felt about him. After all this I really started distancing myself from B. We hung out here and there, during the day mostly to avoid having to deal with her drinking. She’d come into my work with her new work friends to start their nights off before getting black out with them, buying bags of cocaine even, etc. This past episode was my final straw. She went back to her hometown to visit family and texted me something very cryptic. It was “we need to talk. It’s very important and will have to wait until I get back from my trip, which is in 4 days.” I felt like I maybe did something wrong, and I was concerned so I told her how I felt and she did not respond. After some time I texted again saying that I’m stressed and asked her to explain. She ignored that completely and instead texted to tell me she’s having another mental breakdown and was at the clinic. I told her I am there for her if she needs to talk and what not. She gets back home and we hang out twice and she did not bring up our “little talk”. I finally bit the bullet and confronted her and asked what it was about and she told me “not to worry about it”. I sent her a lengthy text telling her that I am needing to put up boundaries because I found what she did manipulative. I didn’t say the world manipulative explicitly because in the past when she’s been confronted, she shuts down completely and will block you out for weeks on end until you apologize. She ended up apologizing for that and didn’t mean to trigger me, since my toxic ex used to say things like “we need to talk. But it’ll wait til we’re at home” and then I’d freak out until he got home and it would be something stupid, he just wanted me to be stressed out for a while. After this I stopped reaching out. I saw her while I was out with X and friends of his, and we talked for a bit before me and X went home for the night. The next day she texted me “are we still doing something later or na?” And I didn’t recall making any plans so I said so. She just liked the message and I haven’t heard from her since, really. She’s had a really hard time in her life. She lost her mother during her teenage years and I know Mother’s Day is a very hard day for her. I really care about B, but her behavior lately is making me not want to be around her at all. I sent her that I was thinking about her and her mom on Mother’s Day and did not hear back(even though she texted my mom for Mother’s Day). Then I started seeing online that she’s liking posts with the topic “I hate that one friend who drops everyone when they get into a relationship, it’s the most disgusting type of friend”. Multiple posts like that, and I know they’re about me. It made me feel really guilty for not hanging out with B anymore. I ask my other friends if the amount I see X bothers them, and the answer is always no. That I should be able to see my significant other who I’m falling in love with as much as we’d both like to. It’s not like it was with my toxic ex at all. It just seems to me like B is thinking it’s going to be the same way as it was. She’s fully ignoring me now, and even though I’m not reaching out either, I still feel like the asshole. AITA?

There is a lot of context needed in this situation so please bare with me. Lately, I (25F) haven’t heard much from a friend who’s been in my life since college, so 7 ish years. We’ll call her B (25F). On our last year of college I got into a very toxic relationship where he wouldn’t let me see friends, go out, etc. if he wasn’t there too. This put a strain on all of my relationships, family included, besides my friendship with B. She was consistently supportive of me and was able to stay my close friend while sharing her grievances, which I made very hard for those around me because when you’re in that kind of relationship, your blind. She ended up moving out of our college town into my hometown after graduation. I wasn’t able to get out of the relationship and move back to my hometown until about a year later. I come to find out that B had been struggling in my hometown and had a hard time making friends or being happy. I was able to move into an awesome apartment with another friend who was actually the one to give me the courage to leave him. This was very exciting to me because I was able to introduce B to the lot of my friends from home that I adore. After that, me and B were both single and drinking a lot, sleeping around somewhat, and staying out late. B meets this guy named A who she fell for instantly. He didn’t want to be serious with her but they hung out constantly. She spent almost every night with him and despite him telling her that he only liked her as a friend and F-buddy, she was in love with him. She would drunk call/text every weekend, and started getting black out drunk a lot. When they broke up things got much worse. She would call me that she lost her car, didn’t remember getting home, even peed on her neighbors door and almost got kicked out of her apartment building for it. She had even threatened to kill herself once or twice. This has taken a severe toll on our friendship. These instances I always dropped everything to help her. I have become exhausted over the years and simply fed up. Fast forward a year and a half or so, two years after my last relationship, the one that was very toxic. I’d since become fed up with the antics so I started going home early when we hung out, distancing myself etc. every so often she’d “sober up” after a mental breakdown, somewhat get back on track, and then black out drunk again waking up at a random guys house. I recently met my now boyfriend about 4 months ago (28M) at my job. This guy really swept me off my feet. We will refer to him as X. It started off very casual but I was clearly very taken. B told me almost immediately after I told her it was getting serious between me and X that a girl she works with used to date X and that he ghosted her after telling her he loved her and that he’d buy her a house, all this really bad stuff. This rubbed me very odd because he seemed very sure about what he wanted out of a relationship and I felt we were on the same page about almost everything. I decided in the end not to bring it up to him, because I didn’t think the mistakes of anyone’s past dating history should affect the present, especially because he didn’t show me any red flags. He eventually shared it with me anyway and that he felt awful about how he acted in past relationships and how he has grown since then. I’d come to find out that this relationship B had told me about was over 4 years ago. She also constantly told me to “be careful” and to “keep a guard up” things like that because she swore he wasn’t a good guy and not the one for me. Note that she, at that point, had never met him and not once told me she was happy for me or seemed excited etc. This is all in the middle of severe mood swings, binge drinking and mental health episodes. She even almost didn’t come to my birthday dinner because she was too hungover and sad, and tried to make the night all about her and was a Debby downer the rest of the evening. B told me that another new work friend of hers that went to high school with X said he was an asshole in high school too, and that I should really rethink this entire thing. My roommate N also went to high school with X and explained to me that B’s work friend was a little off putting growing up, didn’t have many friends and since they went to a very large school, they didn’t even know each other. This was also very odd to me. I told B that these random bits about X’s past are not appreciated and did not affect how I felt about him. After all this I really started distancing myself from B. We hung out here and there, during the day mostly to avoid having to deal with her drinking. She’d come into my work with her new work friends to start their nights off before getting black out with them, buying bags of cocaine even, etc. This past episode was my final straw. She went back to her hometown to visit family and texted me something very cryptic. It was “we need to talk. It’s very important and will have to wait until I get back from my trip, which is in 4 days.” I felt like I maybe did something wrong, and I was concerned so I told her how I felt and she did not respond. After some time I texted again saying that I’m stressed and asked her to explain. She ignored that completely and instead texted to tell me she’s having another mental breakdown and was at the clinic. I told her I am there for her if she needs to talk and what not. She gets back home and we hang out twice and she did not bring up our “little talk”. I finally bit the bullet and confronted her and asked what it was about and she told me “not to worry about it”. I sent her a lengthy text telling her that I am needing to put up boundaries because I found what she did manipulative. I didn’t say the world manipulative explicitly because in the past when she’s been confronted, she shuts down completely and will block you out for weeks on end until you apologize. She ended up apologizing for that and didn’t mean to trigger me, since my toxic ex used to say things like “we need to talk. But it’ll wait til we’re at home” and then I’d freak out until he got home and it would be something stupid, he just wanted me to be stressed out for a while. After this I stopped reaching out. I saw her while I was out with X and friends of his, and we talked for a bit before me and X went home for the night. The next day she texted me “are we still doing something later or na?” And I didn’t recall making any plans so I said so. She just liked the message and I haven’t heard from her since, really. She’s had a really hard time in her life. She lost her mother during her teenage years and I know Mother’s Day is a very hard day for her. I really care about B, but her behavior lately is making me not want to be around her at all. I sent her that I was thinking about her and her mom on Mother’s Day and did not hear back(even though she texted my mom for Mother’s Day). Then I started seeing online that she’s liking posts with the topic “I hate that one friend who drops everyone when they get into a relationship, it’s the most disgusting type of friend”. Multiple posts like that, and I know they’re about me. It made me feel really guilty for not hanging out with B anymore. I ask my other friends if the amount I see X bothers them, and the answer is always no. That I should be able to see my significant other who I’m falling in love with as much as we’d both like to. It’s not like it was with my toxic ex at all. It just seems to me like B is thinking it’s going to be the same way as it was. She’s fully ignoring me now, and even though I’m not reaching out either, I still feel like the asshole. AITA?

I guess it's the sadness about mother's day that brings it out. Mom was the safer parent, but now that I respect myself more, I see that even she treated me like absolute shit. I haven't gone no contact but I'm low contact/very low contact. I'm the only kid they see on a regular basis.
She picked her alcoholic husband over her kids. She always treated me unfairly and my sibling got so much more while I got so much less. She didn't defend me from a family member's CSA. Medical neglect because I was just "faking" it. I'm pretty sure that my parents coached me to pass an autism assessment, because as an adult they were like, "yeah, you're twice exceptional, you're special needs." But when I could have benefitted from support they made no attempt to get me real help. I was always the one who was broken and ruining the family. Not my parents. For so long the problem was me. And then I actually was the problem in my own life, because they'd conditioned me to accept so much abuse as normal and I wasn't fighting back when I should have.
I'm low income, they buy luxury goods and flaunt them at me. They give tens of thousands and nice jewelry to my sibling but I get a cheap cast iron pot and a handful of imported eye drops. I eat at home and my clothes are old. I have what I need and my life is fine. But it's just insulting. They gave away my handheld gaming equipment, graphic novels, collectibles I could have sold. You know. Because I'm low income right now. Because the things I care about don't matter.
Just because I'm low income at the moment doesn't mean that I haven't achieved anything... I'm in graduate school, doing well, and have gained international recognition for my work (US, Mexico, Canada, China, prob EU next year). I'm publishing and exhibiting. I'm doing fucking great and I'm proud of myself and unashamed to be proud of all the work that getting this far took. Despite the negative impact they've had. Yet my sibling, who works in a pre college extension program, "teaches at an Ivy League school." I've been flown out by Ivy + top schools just to give a short lecture. No shade on my sibling, they turned out great especially for a golden child and I'm proud of them and wish them happiness. But just the level of perception, the unfairness... It's so telling. I've given up on expecting them to be proud of me because on their end they're embarrassed because by my mid 30s I've accomplished more than they have in their lives.
I keep in contact with them because I feel like it's the right thing to do, based on my personal and cultural values. But is it really worth it? What peace of mind is there when to do the right thing I have to sit and grey rock for an hour and still get all the energy drained from my body? I feel like up until now it was healthy to encounter them as someone who is healing, I can now understand how flagrantly terrible they've always been and I don't tolerate that from others any more. But I tolerate it from them, for brief periods, because I see how lonely they are and having a minimal relationship gives them a lot more than it takes from me.
But when do I stop giving? How do I make it easier to live with myself if I just wash my hands of them? Their bodies and minds and their house are all seriously deteriorating. I don't want to be the kid who jets off and leaves their parents in squalor. I don't want them to rot with no one checking in on them. But at what point is enough, enough?

I’m in my late 20s (F), bf is in his early 30s. This is a bit of a dump of emotions, but the tldr is that I’m looking for logistical and emotional advice on how to break up with my boyfriend of 6 years.
I’ve always had a gut feeling that something was off, but I pushed it down because he is truly so kind, so loving, showers me with compliments, and his unwavering support has gotten me through some very tough times and helped me to improve myself. I’ve been in limbo for years now, telling myself that passion and attraction fade in all relationships, and maybe I’m just craving toxicity and should be happy in this very stable, loving, and happy relationship. I’ve recently started seeing a therapist who does not tell me what to think, but the process of saying things out loud to a third party and having them repeat those things back to me has really opened up my eyes to see that I’m maybe not as happy as I claim to be. Or, at least, I’m creating a lot of that happiness myself through all of the extra things I do daily to make myself feel fulfilled outside of the relationship.
I feel very guilty for all of the feelings I’m having, but lately it’s become more and more clear to me that the kind thing to do is end the relationship, even if it leaves me depressed and lonely for a while. The thing is, our lives are completely intertwined. We live together, finances are combined, we share a dog, and moved across the country together. We also have trips planned, one happening in just a couple of weeks. I love my boyfriend. He’s truly my best friend, and the level of intimacy and trust I have with him is more than I’ve ever felt with anybody. We also have a lot of fun together, and there are days where I think I could stay and be happy. But I have not seen enough personal growth in him since we’ve met. He has self esteem issues, is on a constant cycle of unhappiness in his work life, and his health has degraded quite a bit since we’ve met, but he will not change his habits to address these problems. It’s exhausting for me. I’ve been compassionate in my eyes (maybe not compassionate enough in his eyes), but I’ve also given him some tough love, i.e., your life will not change unless you change your habits. I feel that I’ve been open about these things bothering me, but those conversations end with big promises of change that never come to fruition. I’m happy enough for now, but I don’t want to marry him, and I don’t want to have kids with him. I’m undecided on kids altogether, but I know I don’t see myself having kids with him given how uneven the effort is in our relationship now.
I’m looking for advice on how to best handle the break up, both with my boyfriend and logistically. I worry about his mental health - he’s had panic attacks in the past and has anxiety. I’ve been his support system with that, and before we met he drank a lot and got himself into unsafe situations while drunk. I worry for his well-being and safety. I don’t know how to handle the finances because everything is combined. Should I stay in our house until our lease is up? I also struggle with timing. Any time I’ve thought of breaking up, it feels like it would be out of nowhere because we spend all of our time together. And finally, is there a kind way to do this? I have so much love for him, and a big part of this breakup is that I think he will be better off in the long run as well. He deserves to be with someone who helps him to become the best version of himself.
Please do not judge me too much for putting off what I’ve described as inevitable. It has been a constant struggle that has kept me up many many nights, and it’s confusing as I love him so much and this is my first long term relationship. I can’t imagine my life without him. I feel selfish and naive for wanting more, but I also don’t want to live my life in fear. Any constructive advice, or even if you can relate or have a similar story, would be helpful. I’ve been racked with guilt and anxiety for so long now.

I know this sounds bad, but please just hear me out.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 months now. To start off I want to say, he is great. He listens to me, he is super sweet, we hang out all the time, etc. The thing is just that my last relationship didn’t end very well…
My ex boyfriend was also great at first, but after 2-3 months something suddenly changed. He started acting like a complete asshole. For example, when I went up to hug him at school he would push me away or when I asked him if he wanted to call he said no, because he doesn’t like to call (for context: we used to call several hours a day). But mostly, when I talked to him about my feelings he would make me feel bad and say things like: “stop talking about this type of stuff, it’s annoying” or “could you bother someone else with this?” (Side note: he broke up with me over text).
My problem now is that every time I talk to my current bf about my feelings, I get the feeling I have to say sorry for it because somewhere in my head I still think I’ll get the responses my ex used to give me. My bf keeps saying he doesn’t mind and he wants to know about what im going through, so he is in no way making me feel like I have to be sorry.
Another thing is, when I say I’m sorry, my bf feels bad, because he thinks he is making me feel this way, which is not true of course (I have told him already that he is not the reason). He also feels bad for not knowing how to respond when I text him about this stuff, because he wants to make me feel better, but he doesn’t know how to.
How do I fix this, because I don’t want to keep feeling like I need to apologize for telling my bf how I feel and I also don’t want to make him feel bad for not knowing how to cheer me up in certain situations.

This is going to be a long post about my sister. For the past 2 years my sister has been ruining her life. When she turned 16 she started dating this guy we'll call Caleb. Caleb was a toxic piece of shit and put his hands on her, gave her bruises etc. We told her to break up with him and press charges she did break up with him but did not press charges.
About 2 months pass and she says she's dating a new guy which is funny enough also named Caleb. We didn't think anything of it really. But she never really brings him around, shows us pictures anything. Well eventually she gets in a little fender bender with another car on the road, and on the insurance has the last name of her first toxic piece of boyfriend, she lied and said she wanted us to give him another chance and that there's good in him, well considering she had been lying to us for 10 months while also having a huge attitude the entire time, anytime anyone asks her to do anything or even interact with her she just goes off the handle for no reason.
Anyway, my Mom BLEW up. This was 2 weeks before she turned 18 and she had been talking alot of shit up to it saying how when she turns 18 she's gonna be outta here, that she can't wait to leave this household where we never support her (for dating Caleb) and that she can make it on her own and have her own apartment etc. My mom told her to pack her shit and leave then, and she left and moved in with Caleb's mother.
This is where she just went downhill, she started hanging out with people that ran car takeovers, caught multiple charges for speeding, alcohol possession, disturbing the peace etc. She was hanging out with people that were doing meth, coke and popping pills and apparently gangs, though I don't believe that. She got random tattoos just because someone asked her to, maxed out credit cards and eventually lost her car when it stopped working. This is when its shown that Caleb never even wanted her and has been cheating on her with another girl, and now that her car is gone he doesn't want my sister around. So she ended up moving back in home but we told her this shit can NOT follow you and that lifestyle ends if she comes back, she said ok.
Well she still had her nasty attitude, if you talked to her she would just blow up because she was busy, or she'll do it when she feels like it or she doesn't care how you feel about how she does something etc. Just being a general unpleasant person. We told her nope you need to go to therapy or figure out something to work on your anger issues and mental issues, cause she's diagnosed bipolar and with bpd. Well she did get into therapy but did not want to take medicine. She ended up a few months later having a mental breakdown where I ended up taking her to the mental health emergency room.
It. Was. Miserable. Anytime a nurse talked to her she would try to tell them how to do their job, was harrassing them saying she's been here for 30 minutes and she feels like she's not prioritizing her etc. When the psychiatrist finally comes and gets her, she comes back immediately 2 minutes later saying that the psychiatrist is a bitch and she's not going to let her speak to her like that and I need to come in there right now or she's going to go off. So I go in there and she's saying the psychiatrist is saying that she can't have her phone back in voluntary confinement and she's saying that it's illegal to take my phone and that I need it as an anxiety tool and the psychiatrist was explaining hippa and stuff and she was trying to explain how hippa works to the doctor!! So she ended up declining voluntary confinement because she couldn't keep her phone. We ended up just getting prescribed Remeron and Ativan as a rescue.
We ended up going home and I made sure she took the medicine for the first 3 days, but then after that she stopped. Just stopped taking it and this is how she always is with any medicine, any medicine she gets prescribed she either doesn't take it, looks up the side effects and convinces herself she is feeling it, literally psyching herself out. She told me multiple times how she just doesn't take medicine she gets prescribed because she doesn't trust whats in it, but she'll go to a smoke shop and buy any random non regulated pre roll right off the shelf and put that in her body no problem.
Well she started complaining that Caleb was trying to contact her again through abunch of random phone numbers, making new numbers or emails whatever just to contact her. This was because she was talking to the person Caleb was cheating on her with talking shit about him and she was telling him. She called the cops the first time because he said he was outside the house. She called them again because she said he was outside her bedroom window with a weapon looking in at her window (checked the cameras, nothing). She ended up going to get a restraining order took out on him
We told her either stop talking to this person, or move out. She said okay she'll stop... but a week and a half later she comes in my room panicing saying call the cops that Caleb is threatening her and she can't because she's ON THE PHONE WITH HIM, AND ON A FACETIME CALL WITH THE EX AND SOME RANDOM PERSON. I called the police for her, and they showed up. This whole time my sister is egging him on, saying she doesn't care and that she can do what she wants because freedom of speech. He says gonna come to our house and get us (Me and my Mother) to tell us what's going on then. She says no you won't and surprise surprise, the crazy dude shows. About 10 minutes after the cops did, my sister was talking to them this entire time and when he rolled up, she ran inside crying saying he was gonna kill her.
Well the cops just ended up talking to him for a little bit and he ended up leaving, but me and my mom are so done. She won't get help, she won't take medicine, she can't hold down a job because of her attitude, she's gone through 7 jobs since she was 16, and it's always because her managers supposedly target her, even though the things she tells us are very.. normal workplace things. She lies about everything, she lied and told us she would stop talking to Caleb, she lied and said she would stop talking to her ex, she lied and said she would take her medicine this time (stopped after day 3), she lies and lies and lies.
What can I do to help her at this point? She ended up leaving to calm down at a friends and came back for a bit to get come stuff and we ended up arguing. She saying she wishes she never met caleb, all her problems are because of him, and that we never support her through it. I told her I literally took her to mental health emergency 2 weeks ago, she says that doesn't have to do with Caleb. She just said all her problems are because of him? I said we told you to stop talking to Tiffany and you didn't. "Well, it's because me and her were both abused by Caleb, she's the only person in the world that knows my Trauma I need her", so she admits to her lying. She went to the magistrates office after the cops left and had her friends clip together audio recording of Caleb saying he was going to kill her or harm her in some way and put out charges on him, so she falsified charges.
I don't know how else to help her. We told her we're evicting her but I really want to believe there's some other way. Because of her lifestyle, I've fully accepted that I'm probably going to get a call within the next 10 years saying she died in some way. But I don't want my sister to die, I want to help her in some way. What should I do?

It's time for our first look at life on Earth! I hope everyone has been enjoying the story so far. As always, let me know your thoughts on the story so far. It's been a joy sharing it with you all.
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Memory transcription subject: UN Secretary-General Elias Meier Date [standardized human time]: July 13, 2136
Sometimes I wondered what Earth would be like had the Skalgans not landed here hundreds of years ago. Every UN summit these days seemed to involve settling some kind of dispute involving them. Whether it be accusations of resource theft, threats in response to those accusations, or disputes over succession, there was always something to resolve. There was rarely any actual conflict that occurred nowadays, but security had been required to break up a few squabbles in the past, often ones involving delegates charging each other.
Despite how rowdy they could be, they were stalwart allies. That stubbornness made them dependable to follow through with their alliances. Whether it was war, work, or simply having a dependable friend, it was hard to go wrong with them. They proved themselves early on in the history of their arrival.
I reminded myself of that as I listened to the leader of the Garian nation petitioning other nations for aid in their efforts to assemble yet another space shipyard. I was certain we had more than enough, but the Garian leader wouldn’t have anything less than ‘overwhelming force against potential threats’. An aspect of Skalgan culture that carried on since their arrival was their concern over the calamity that had brought them to Earth appearing once more from the heavens. It’d created a divide among the people, from those that felt we should isolate ourselves from the wider galaxy, to those that felt we should either find allies or track down this great threat to eliminate it. The exploratory mission we’ve sent out has certainly riled up the xenophobes, who felt we needed to prepare a grand fleet if we were gonna announce ourselves to the galactic stage.
An aid came and tapped me on my shoulder, pulling me from my thoughts. “Sir.” She whispered. “I need you to come with me.”
If I was being called away, then it must have been an emergency. Nodding, I stood and followed here, my security detail trailing behind. We were only just walking up to the briefing room doors when I started hearing a very loud conversation. “-could be them! We need to start assembling ships immediately in case they-” I open the doors, interrupting whoever it was that was shouting. Scanning the room quickly, I saw that most of the people assembled were from several different space agencies, though there were also individuals from historical institutes and national militaries.
“Right, might I ask what has folks so riled up?” I asked.“The Odyssey crew made contact with extraterrestrials.” A short-haired woman in a leather jacket said, passing me a folder. I managed to catch her nametag, which read Dr. Kuemper, SETI. “They call themselves the Venlil, and going by appearances alone, seem to be related to the Skalgan. Not only that, but they’re a part of a Federation of hundreds of other species. Certainly more than we ever theorized.”
This news came as a shock. I flipped through the various pages and photos in the folder, taking in everything that's been gathered so far. There was a photo of one of the Skalgan astronauts next to a Venlil. Side by side, it was easy to see how one could assume they shared a similar lineage, despite some of their physical differences. If these were truly aliens related to the Skalgan, then their kind has survived the attack on their homeworld or at least escaped to a separate planet.
We’ve known that life existed at some point beyond our star system, but that was only known through the existence of the Skalgan. Even then, the nature of their origin took generations to fully understand. They crashed on earth during an age where we were still using muskets, a time when we didn’t even have a concept of electricity. They may have brought a technological boost with them, but without the means to reproduce or maintain it, much had deteriorated away, and that included the electronic data their ship carried. For all we knew, the Skalgan and their attackers were the only other life in the galaxy. They may have even gone extinct in the time it took us to achieve FTL flight.
“So we might have ourselves the Skalgan home planet and their long lost cousins. I hope that the presence of so many generals in this meeting isn’t a suggestion to invade.” I looked over all the individuals in military attire that were present.
Dr. Kuemper frowned. “The issue isn’t with the Venlil. It’s the Federation and their enemies. It’s a complicated mess. To start, the Federation is made up entirely of herbivores who are extremely xenophobic towards any meat consuming species.”
I look back down at the folder, leafing to a page about the Venlil society. It only took me a moment to spot the bold letters highlighting the fear and distrust they have towards, as they label them, predatory species. “Well, we must have done something right if we got far enough to exchange knowledge.”
“You can thank us for being there.” One of the Skalgan in the room spoke up, a general by the name of Ledric from the nation Rerig that sat on the western coast of North America. “The fact that we had a Skalgan among the crew made it easier for the Venlil to accept the human. They may have just shot the ship down had astronaut Noah not been there, or taken them prisoner, or done all sorts of horrible things!”
“I think it would be best if we did not worry about the what-ifs and instead think about the now.” I said, finally taking a seat at the table. “So the Skalgan look-alikes have a fear of meat eaters. Does this extend to the rest of their federation?”
“I’m afraid so.” The doctor said. “It seems like it’s actually a founding pillar of the Federation’s doctrine. The Arxur, the enemies of the federation, have been on a campaign of terror against them for several centuries. They’re responsible for the destruction of at least 62 planets and billions of lives.”
“Jesus Christ, please tell me you’re kidding.”
“I wish, sir. There’s a full brief on the page labeled ‘Arxur’ in your file. There’s also footage of them committing every war crime in the book. I mean, they literally eat children.”
“Well shit.” I sighed, barely having a moment to think before the Rerig general Ledric spoke up again. “These monsters eat sentient beings and keep people as livestock! They have to be the ones responsible for the original attack on our homeworld. It makes sense that the ‘wrath of the galaxy’ told in Skalgan mythos refers to them.”
“Can we be certain?” I asked Ledric. “I don’t doubt that this species is monstrous in nature, but I don’t know if any of the original records from the ships you arrived in have survived to this day to confirm that.”
“You’re right about that.” Another Skalgan spoke up, a historian from Rerig. “Surviving records are little more than fragments at best. Even electronic records can’t survive the decay that hundreds of years of time would bring. Without the proper understanding of how to properly preserve digital records, they broke down into little more than scrap metal over the centuries. We have no idea who those ships originally belonged to, where they came from, or how my people got ahold of them. Hell, we don’t even know if it was one or multiple species responsible for the attack on Skalga.”
I lightly nodded, thinking about the possible explanations. “What about the Federation? How do they play into this?”
“According to the records the Venlil provided, they had only just made initial contact with the Federation around the time the Skalgan landed on Earth.” Dr. Kuemper said. “It's a bit difficult to line up our timelines without exact dates. At best we can estimate by about a decade or so. It’s possible that the Skalgan acquired ships from the Federation. There’s also the possibility that the ships were Arxur cattle vessels that they managed to commandeer. There is also the possibility of an unknown group being involved, but so far there’s no evidence of that.”
There were a lot of hypotheticals being given, but no solid narrative so far. “I’d rather not make any major decisions till we know for certain what we’re dealing with. There’s also the matter of these physical differences between the Skalgan and Venlil, and the matter of the Federation's potential hostility to us humans. Are they aware of us?”
“Not yet.” Dr. Kuemper said. “Only the Venlil know of humans. The Federation only knows of the Skalgan for now.”
“Right… Well if they’re as hostile towards meat eaters as this report leads us to believe, we’re gonna have to figure out a way to break the news to them gently.”
“Why should we bother?” Ledric asked. “If the Federation was there when Skalga was attacked yet did nothing, why should we even try being friendly? Do they fear the Arxur so much that they wouldn’t intervene?”
“We shouldn’t be making assumptions like that.” I said. “We don’t know what happened all those centuries ago, and the last thing we want is to go accusing people of wrongdoings that they didn’t commit. I’d rather we make allies than enemies. And speaking of such matters, I believe the Venlil will be a good place to start. Their governor was willing to risk her position to keep us hidden. She and her people may be able to speak on our behalf, and their potential ties to Skalgan may further secure their trust. Not to mention that our best chance of learning about the origin of the Skalgan race would be in cooperation with them.”
“What of the Arxur?” Ledric spoke once more. “They’re clearly a threat to both their Federation and us. We should strike some of these livestock worlds as a show of our allegiance with the Venlil. That would also show this Federation that humans are an ally.”
I grimaced. We'd only just discovered life beyond our system and already we were talking war. Announcing a potential war with extraterrestrials would cause the divide between those for and against alien contact to widen even further. However, we couldn’t share the potential discovery of the Skalgan’s ancestors without including the threat that not just the Arxur posed, but the danger humans would be in if we made a mistake with introducing ourselves to the Federation. This whole situation was a minefield, and we were having to carefully pick our way through it.
“Lets start by releasing the findings and then judge our next course of action based on the public’s feedback. We need to be united on whatever decision we make, as this will affect all of us, both Humans and Skalgans. If the people just want to make allies, that’s what we’ll do. But if they want us to show we’re willing to fight for the Venlil and the Federation, then we’ll fight.”
An outside threat and long lost family would be powerful motivators to bring people together. I was fairly certain I knew already what the Skalgan’s position on this would be, but they weren’t on the potential firing line for their biology.
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my primary partner and i (years long seasoned divers) have tried to go dive at a college and hardcore failed. for info purposes, we are both of a pretty typical college averaged age (mid 20s) and look normal in a college setting so that’s not the issue of course, and i doubt it would be so i’m confused where we are getting stuck; we are confused as to how some people are finding things so easily, especially unbothered / not bothered by campus security folk when you’re not from the school.
what is the best way to dive at a college campus in your opinion? i did the whole check the google maps for dumpsters and all, but there were so many obstacles when we got there.
campus security, the fact you have to have a card to even get into certain parts of the property, it was all very confusing as we both did not attend college ever and have not been on campuses before like this. it seemed easy by everyone’s pictures of success but we only found one dumpster that wasn’t a compactor and it just had cardboard in it, no goodies. just a giant compactor on campus and also a dumpster that is giant and those long ones that can be taken (the shipping container style) was there but we saw no way of being able to get over and into it unless we stood on the car which would have attracted a lot of unwanted attention, most likely from said campus security, lol.
then, we found a directly off campus apartment space where students clearly live, but the dumpster was super super tall, and basically only had stuff like trash, old sneakers that had matches but were messed up, and an old wet machine for using on scented oils.
is there anyone that could help me with some advice? we are losing the days for clean out.. but we really want to try to score at a college, but the result was so shitty from this occasion that i’m not sure if it’s worth it to drive all the way to another one.
any advice helps! thanks so much!

i dont know whether to tag this side effects, experience, or rant, but...
SORRY THIS IS SO LONG !!!
i (19f) have the kyleena iud, which is the lowest dosage of progesterone hormones on the market. i have been on it since i was 16, so 3 years now.
i was told it was the best choice for me, because i forget to take pills, its the smallest choice for iud, and iuds are localized so "there shouldn't be any side effects shown in the whole body" i feel like ive been lied to, i was told "there are no side effects, youll be okay, atleast you wont have a baby!"
which is why i got on in the first place (besides my parents pretty much telling me i have to after meeting my boyfriend), is i am absolutely terrified of pregnancy. not just the normal amount, but the tokophobia amount.
i feel like im trapped. i want to be safe and have an extra layer of protection so i wont fear intercourse every time it happens like i did before i got on. i would always be too focused and anxious if the condom was on to enjoy it. thats why i choose to still be on it.
but since getting on birth control- i hate myself. so much. i dont know what i look like or who i am anymore
there are so many side effects...

 1. SO. much. weight. gain. i hate my body. 

i was only 135 lbs before i started BC. within the first year i gained 60lbs- now im steadily still climbing, and im 205lbs after being on it for 3 years. i dont recognize myself, i cant dress how i like to anymore, im so ashamed of my body... now before you say anything like "just lose it", i've tried, asshole.

 2. i can not lose all the weight i gained no matter how hard i try. 

ive eaten in a calorie deficit of 2,000, 1,500 cals, 900 cals, 500 cals, then even i tried not eating anything at all for a month. i tracked it all on myfitnesspal and you could see the graph of my weight going up up up and my calories going down lower and lower.
during these time periods i would do consistent cardio, exercise, lifting, pilates. i tried so many things yet i kept on getting weaker and weaker at the gym and gaining more and more weight.
food isn't food to me anymore. i regret eating. i feel sick when i think about eating. its all just numbers reminding me about how fat and hideous i am.
135 to 205 is 70lbs in just 1 year. it stretched my skin so bad i have deep purple stretch marks all over me that haven't faded even after 2 years.
when i wanted to get a bellybutton piercing the piercer told me my stomach was too fat to get one. at my doctor's appointment i had when i was 17 a year after i got on it, she told me "wow youre gaining a lot of weight! let's discuss eating fruits and vegetables." as if its that simple. my boyfriend is a bodybuilder and tells me im not trying hard enough to lose weight. how hard do i have to try? i stopped eating but i still gain...
i hate the way i look. no one tells me im pretty anymore.

 3. i was supposed to stop my period, but now i bleed for 10-17 days straight 

it never stopped. it comes every month right on time, i actually have a pretty normal schedule. but GOD the fucking bleeding. i have to wear a pad so long that it gives me diaper rash in-between my thighs like im a fucking baby. and its not just the bleeding for 15 days that pisses me off, its the cramps and the bloating.

 4. horrible cramps and bleeding, that akin to actual contractions 

when i cramp it makes me lay on the floor and shake and cry. i told my gyno ive cramped so hard it makes me vomit and my head spin and i sweat. they told me the birth control should fix it in time, and made sure my iud wasn't stabbing my uterus and sent me on my way.

 5. im so tired all the time. 

physically and mentally. i cant lift anything at the gym and i cant run like i used to.
i have constant brain fog, my entire last year of highschool i couldn't even tell you what happened because i was constantly tired and could barely pay attention or retain any information.
im the age where im supposed to be choosing what college i want to go to, but i feel so mentally burnt out all the fucking time the thought of trying to go to back to school seems impossible.

 6. PMDD, i go hysterical every month 

(PMDD means pre menstrual dysphoric disorder.)
i worry all the time, i cry all the time, im always overthinking. but the week before my period. thats different. i literally feel like i want to k! myself. im inconsolable, the hysteria or mania or whatever doesn't stop until i stop bleeding, and then i go right into it again within a week. it feels like BPD. its not mood swings, im in a constant low.

 7. ovulation cramps and fever 

i only have maybe 4 good days out of the month. i cramp and bleed and get a fever when i ovulate.

 9. weak/numb when i try to "finish" & pain during sex 

my "O"s are way less intense, sometimes it feels like it doesn't even happen. its weird ? and it feels like i cant really even feel stuff down there anymore. its like it went numb and its a lot more effort that it ever has been to finish. it makes me feel guilty sometimes. my boyfriend is 6'4 and i am 5'5, even tho hes large compared to me, its always painful during intercourse, and it wasn't before i got on it.

 EDIT- 10. i also think i have miscarried a few times. i brought this up to my gyno and they said "sometimes that happens, thats what birth control does. makes sure youre not pregnant" 11. i hate myself 

i dont know who i am anymore. not physically, not mentally, not anything. i am so terrified of being pregnant, thats the only reason i stay on birth control.
i dont know what to do or who i am anymore. i dont want to feel or look this way anymore.
my boyfriend wants me to get off of it, he says he doesn't like that i have artificial hormones messing with my brain... but sometimes i wonder if im not physically attractive to him anymore. i am almost 100lbs heavier than what he fell in love with.
i dont know where to go from here...
should i try the copper coil with no hormones? i heard it constantly makes you bloated and crampy... i honestly dont know what my other choices are.
i just wanna be and look myself again.

 TL;DR- im fat and ugly and hypomanic and bleed so much and am in lots of pain and hate myself lol. 🎀 im just a girl 

I'm 25 years old, never have I gone a day without suicidal thoughts. But I have held myself back from actually committing suicide because everyone I know says it's a selfish thing to do. And I'm scared of turning myself into a vegetable from a failed attempt. I understand everyone's perspective, I 100% do, and I respect it. I don't personally agree with it, because I understand why some people choose to commit suicide. But whatever.
But 25 years of life and I am just feeling so lonely. Like such an outcast. I have wasted my entire life, I have no positive prospects in life, I'm addicted to a benzo prescribed to me by a psychiatrist. I feel like such a loser and I'm tired of it. Ever since I graduated high school I've felt like a loser who never did enough, never will amount to anything.
I have a boyfriend, but he has dealt with me for over 4 years and he is sick of it. He hasn't said it but I can tell. He is getting depressed too and I think it's probably because he realizes he can't "fix" me. And I can't even make him feel better either. I know he would be heartbroken if I died, and ESPECIALLY if I killed myself, but he is worth so much and he deserves someone better. He's a perfect man in my eyes, I wouldn't blame him if he even saw other women. But of course I don't want to traumatize him with my suicide. He does always makes me feel better, but he lives across the world. And I don't want to burden him anymore with my problems. I've been thinking about moving there but I am thinking I might cause everyone there more problems with my presence.
So I'm just supposed to deal with this and become more and more depressed the older I get? I am inclined to push everyone away, even intentionally become homeless so I don't bother my family anymore. I was even thinking about running away to Yellowstone National Park and jumping in one of those steaming hot natural pools to kill myself while no one is around, so my body and bones get disintegrated and no one has to get traumatized by seeing a dead body. And no one would even know where I was. Sure it would be an extremely painful death for me, but at least everyone else would be alright. (If I managed to do it without any witnesses)
I've contemplated so much on how to do it with leaving as little traumatized people as possible. But fucking goddamn it's nearly impossible.

Sometimes it seems like my boyfriend doesn't like me or isn't very passionate about me at all, but he's the one who pushed to be in an exclusive relationship. He also acts single online, and while it's one thing to keep your relationship private, it's another to be posting memes that insinuate he's not taken. He also spends a lot of time on his phone but takes hours to reply to my messages, and usually he never says anything substantial or asks me about me. I also suspect that he is cheating on me or trying to. I don't understand why he wouldn't just let me go instead of wasting each other's time. What would be signs of a Capricorn man cheating? Would he just tell you if you ask? I told him if he ever lost interest or found someone else to just tell me. He still tells me he loves me, and sometimes does little things for me, but sometimes he makes fun of me or spends way too much time on his phone while we're together. Even worse he also lets his friends make fun of me. Honestly I am thinking about just ending it. I don't even know if I want to talk about it to try to fix it anymore.

Hi, i'm not really active here, this is my first post om reddit. I've skimmed this sub a lot, mainly because my cousins are still in primary school and I just want to be a bit more updated on gen alpha culture. (Though this sub admittely has a lot of posts claiming gen alpha is doomed, with I don't sgree with)
So for the record, I (18F) and recently celebrated my birthday. I have a good relationship with my younger cousins, who are about 6-8 years younger than me. They stayed over for my birthday and we talked about some shows and books we liked.
My soon to be 12 year old cousin brought up Hazbin hHtel and how she really likes it. That was a bit shocking for me to hear, as I don't know if I consider Hazbin Hotel appropriate for anyone that's tween or under to should watch. Even young teens is pushing it. I watched it a couple months ago, episode four (the one about Angel Dusts abuse) was still triggering. It's a very good episode, but I'm not gonna watch it again.
I'm worried she might either take that episode the wrong way or she'll also get triggered. I did explain to her that show wasn't very kid friendly and advise her to skip episode 4. Given she's a bit stubborn however, I'm not sure if she's gonna do that. She proudly teels me about all the innapropiate stuff she watches and reads.
To be fair, I've also watched some things that weren't really age appropiate either. For instance, recently, my aunt and I were looking for a series to watch when we accidentily clicked baby reindeer. She watched baby reindeer with me. Now for the record, she told me to look away with the episode featuring assault. The difference was, I was accompanied by an adult when watching that, and I didn't get triggered because my aunt discussed what we had seen and we both ended up watching a sweet nature documantary afterwards.
I asked my mom about this and she told me not to worry, as kids her age watch innapropiate movies all the time and it's just kids being kids. I didn't really tell her about the assault or what Hazbin Hotel actually is.
To any older Alpha and Z, what's your advice? Should I be concerned and tell my aunt and uncle that they both need to watch this show with her, so that she's at least not watching this alone or should I just mind my own bussiness?

Im wanting to play D&D and im planning on trying to sort out a proper group once ive finished something I'm working on. I dont have many others to bounce my ideas off currently so I'd like to know from your more experienced perspectives.
(Apologies for how long this is)
Great Old One Warlock hermit background.
He is called Winston Mirdok and he is a detective born in a town I'm calling Greystone.
-To summarise his Backstory- His bio parents tried to drown infant him in a lake for a reason he didn't know, he was saved and they were locked away while he grew up an adopted child. He didn't have many friends because of his interests and personality but he has a best friend called Emily. He visited the lake after he snuck out for some reason. He grows up to become a detective as he loves to know and uncover things. He visits his bio parents in prison and finds them to have died from a prison spread disease. He looks through their case and finds nothing about why they tried to kill him and it annoys him. He goes on with life and decides to visit the lake. He hears whispers and follows them to the lakes floor that was an illusion. Passing through into a dark temple down to a hexagonal shaped room with a silver mirror. Reaching out and touching it he saw into the far realm and gazed at a Great Old One that stared back. The mirror shifted and displayed the past showing his parents being charmed to drown him by a shadowy figure that he believes to of been a warlock. The mirror shatters and his mind is riddled with madness collapsing to the ground as his left eye crawls out its aocket and merges into his cane before passing out. He wakes up on the edge of the lake with his cane planted in the ground ahead of him. He takes it and goes back home finding everyone concerned since he was gone for days somehow and that his eye was now entirely void black. He struggles to put everything together as he begins to see dakr tentacles crawl into his vision and hear whispers, he decides to take time off and isolate himself for months. He tries to cope and make up an explanation but fails. He decides to leave his isolation and goes out adventuring essentially by going place to place and distracting himself with mysteries and unsolved cases or crimes.
He isn't insane after seeing the Great old one and can still think freely and relatively normal with his humanity and skills intact. He struggles with seeing these hallucinations of dark tentacles that crawl into his vision when he's awake at night doing nothing that disappear when he looks back, alongside odd whispers. I'd like the tentacle hallucinations but the whispers and that being it dosen't feel very effective.
I'm unsure of what his patron may exactly want im currently wanting to go for an idea of it giving him non sensical tasks that to normal people make no sense but when given context and the result make perfect sense. Or wanting him to kill some of its warlocks that have betrayed it for their own selfish wants. I'm still unsure about this as giving it a defined reason seems too clear and not unfathomable enough, while giving it confusing asks of the warlock seems too mundane and unimpactful to me but might work better.
What are your thoughts, perspectives, and suggestions if you have any.

My mother and I have always had a complicated relationship.
I've been an overachiever since I was very little. Straight A's, I follow the rules, am always polite to everyone, have never had or thought of having a boyfriend, never smoked, never drunk alcohol, never taken drugs.
My mther treats me like her godsent gift sometimes. Calling me angel, and how I'm the best daughter she could wish for.
The only problem that she has with me, is that my room is a bit messy. I always have tons of books everywhere in my room, writing utensils just laying around on the couch, etc. Not the kind of messy where I have leftover food in my room for days, or anything of the kind. Just "organised chaos".
My mother's parents where very strict when she was young, and she was always forced to do one household chore or the other. However, in the century of robot vacuums and dishwashers, the need for these chores is pretty much eliminated.
I think however, that this part of her childhood has left a huge imprint on her. She always gets HYSTERICALLY angry whenever she sees me doing nothing. By nothing, I mean just laying on the couch for some minutes or listening to some music in bed. She tells me to complete a household chore, like taking the dishes out of the dishwasher and washing them myself (we're pretty well off, so she's not worried about the wateelectricity bill, nor does she particularly care about sustainable water management). She just wants me to do SOMETHING.
Usually, I comply. However, I always have school until 5pm on mondays, and had tons of homework left over. Once I was done, I didn't have the energy left to do ANYTHING. So I made myself a cup of cacao and curled up on the couch. I didn't bring my glass away when I was done, thinking that I could do that a bit later. She came in, saw my glass and started shouting at me. Apparently, I'm a "useless pig, who does nothing but eat and sht all day". Then she left my room, and hasn't come back since.
I cried a bit, but not much. I usually don't really cry often. It's nighttime already, so I guess I won't be seeing her until tomorrow.
Whenever she has an anger outburst like this, I just act like nothing happened on the next day. This time however , I decided to somehow make her feel guilty about what she's done.
So I put tons of red lip balm over my face, and blended it really well. Now my face looks kinda swollen and really irritated. I also dipped a needle into some dark red lip tint, and made dots around my eyes. I have really sensitive skin around my eyes, and sometimes have burst capillaries when I wear swimming goggles. She knows that as well, so I'm hoping that she might think that my crying caused it.
I'm actually realising how dumb this all is, while I'm writing this post. However, I'm in puberty, one day before the start of my menstrual cycle, and can really allow myself to be this emotional for one day.
Thanks for making it through all of this if you did. I'd love to hear your opinion!

I wanted to make the ultimate BG3 skill monkey, and this post is the best I’ve been able to come up with so far. I’m looking for feedback and any ideas I’ve overlooked.
[I try not to spoil anything with this post, but you may be able to infer some things from the names of abilities or items I mention, so proceed at your own risk, I guess]
This build gets proficiency in every single skill, expertise in 13 skills, and ends the game at 19 STR, 20 DEX, 8 CON (lol), 17 INT, 18 WIS, and 20 CHA, and can do it all while being a useful support character in combat (you’re going to want someone else in the party to be your carry). In addition, they can buff their own skill checks with Guidance or Enhance Ability, and get 1d10 Bardic Inspiration and/or Guidance or Enhance Ability from a party member. With this character, the vast majority of your consequential skill checks will be made at advantage with a +12 flat bonus and at least 2d4 added on top of that.
I make a few choices that may seem suboptimal at first glance, but I actually think are optimal because I value expertise very highly (this is basically an exercise in seeing how many skills I can get expertise in at once), but don’t value Reliable Talent as much. Scroll to the bottom of this post for my treatise on why Reliable Talent isn’t as good as Expertise in BG3.
If you prefer Reliable Talent, then a Githyanki Rogue 11/Cleric 1 will be a great skill monkey. But I posit herein that it will not be The Ultimate Skill Monkey. The Ultimate Skill Monkey would have Proficiency in every skill and Expertise in every skill possible, and only miss it on the least consequential skills.
How do I do it? With Knowledge Cleric 2, Rogue 6, Bard 4.

Ability Scores

Start 8, 16, 12, 8, 14, 16. As you get certain items, buffs, and feats you’ll respec to slowly dump that CON into other key stats. At the endgame you could use the CON necklace at the expense of your WIS.

Leveling Steps:

Level 1:

• Race: Rock Gnome (History proficiency and expertise). Don’t want to play a gnome? Well guess what, you’re going to be disguised 90% of the time anyway!
• Background: Urchin (Sleight of Hand and Stealth proficiency) [note: we pick this to avoid backgrounds that give WIS skills that would overlap with Knowledge of the Ages, and CHA skills that overlap with Illithid Expertise or the Actor feat]
• Class: Knowledge Cleric (Arcana and Religion proficiency and expertise, Insight and Persuasion proficiency, Guidance)

Proficiencies: Sleight of Hand, Stealth, Insight, Persuasion
Expertises: History, Arcana, Religion
Level 2:
Rogue 1 (Perception and Deception proficiency, Persuasion and Sleight of Hand expertise)
Proficiencies: Stealth, Insight, Perception, Deception
Expertises: History, Arcana, Religion, Sleight of Hand, Persuasion (bold means it just came off the proficiencies list because expertise got added)
Level 3:
Cleric 2: Knowledge of the Ages WIS (Animal Handling, Medicine, and Survival Proficiency)
You can use tricks to get the Shapeshifter’s Boon ring this early without risking the cow or Dammon in future acts (attack the cow with mage hand, then offer to bribe it to apologize, which opens up the trade window where you can buy the ring). I’d also recommend you get the Whispering Promise ring off Volo and start applying it with this character to buff your carry. You can also pick up the Warped Headband of Intellect, which amounts to a +4 to all INT-based skill checks for the rest of your career.
Proficiencies: Stealth, Insight, Perception, Deception, Animal Handling, Medicine, Survival
Expertises: History, Arcana, Religion, Sleight of Hand, Persuasion
Level 4:
Bard 1
Level 5:
Bard 2
Around now is when most people can get Hag’s Hair. With Hag’s Hair you can respec to re-optimize your key Ability Scores and eventually get DEX to 20, but if you want to save HH for your carry, you can also skip Khalid’s gift and just make your +2 WIS ASI into a +1DEX +1 WIS and accept the 1 point loss on WIS-based skill checks in the final build.
Level 6:
Lore Bard 3 (Acrobatics, Investigation, and Nature proficiency, and Insight and Perception Expertise, and you can now cast Enhance Ability)
If you haven’t already, go get The Graceful Cloth from Esther and put it on, for permanent +1 to your DEX skill checks and permanent advantage on them as well, for the rest of the game! You can also get the Club of Hill Giant Strength and Titanstring Bow now, which will simultaneously boost your Athletics checks by 5 and allow you to do competent attack damage when you’re done buffing your carries.
Proficiencies: Stealth, Deception, Animal Handling, Medicine, Survival, Acrobatics, Investigation, Nature
Expertises: History, Arcana, Religion, Sleight of Hand, Persuasion, Perception, Insight
Level 7:
Bard 4: feat: Actor (+1 CHA, Performance and Deception proficiency and expertise)
Respec to accommodate the +1 CHA and to replace Deception at Rogue 1 with Athletics
Proficiencies: Stealth, Animal Handling, Medicine, Survival, Acrobatics, Investigation, Nature, Athletics
Expertises: History, Arcana, Religion, Sleight of Hand, Persuasion, Perception, Insight, Deception, Performance
Level 8:
Rogue 2
Around now you’re getting into Act 3. Choose to become ugly so you get proficiency and expertise in Persuasion, Deception, and Intimidation, allowing you to respec out of those skills in your build (picking up redundant Medicine proficiency at Cleric 1 and Investigation expertise at Bard 3).
Proficiencies: Stealth, Animal Handling, Medicine, Survival, Acrobatics, Nature, Athletics
Expertises: History, Arcana, Religion, Sleight of Hand, Persuasion, Perception, Insight, Deception, Performance, Intimidation, Investigation
Level 9:
Rogue 3 (subclass doesn't matter to me, pick your favorite)
Around now you can get Khalid’s Gift, an amulet that can increase your WIS by 1. It’s not required, but if you want to really max your skil checks, it does allow you to break past another WIS threshold without giving up another important skill check ability score.
Level 10:
Rogue 4 (feat: +2 WIS, or stats of your choice)
Somewhere around now you’ll be ready to access The Mirror of Loss, which, with a little planning/respecccing/save scumming can get you +1 CHA and +2 to another stat. If you don’t/can’t scum or don’t want to put in the effort, you can adjust your ability scores down accordingly.
Level 11:
Rogue 5
Level 12:
Rogue 6 (Stealth and Acrobatics Expertise)
Proficiencies: Animal Handling, Medicine, Survival, Nature, Athletics (final count: 5)
Expertises: History, Arcana, Religion, Sleight of Hand, Persuasion, Perception, Insight, Deception, Performance, Intimidation, Investigation, Stealth, Acrobatics (final count: 13)

Gear:

Almost all of the gear is available in Act 1!

• Warped Headband of Intellect
• The Graceful Cloth (Esther)
• Shapeshifter’s Boon
• Whispering Promise
• Club of Hill Giant Strength
• Titanstring Bow
• Khalid’s Gift

Combat Strategy

There are a lot of options here, but I think the optimal thing is probably to either pre-cast or use your first action to cast Bless on 3 party members. Then on future turns use your BA to apply a weapon oil that will buff the fire damage from your Cleric, then use an Arrow of Many Targets to apply it (in less consequential fights you can conserve resources with a different weapon coating and cheaper trick arrow).
At any point in the fight, use Healing Word or just throw potions at people to apply Bless to the 4th party member with Whispering Promise, or to apply Bless to anyone without actually casting it.
Titanstring counting multiple times on trick arrows, plus sneak attack, and enemies will actually notice that you’re hitting them. And, more importantly, you're providing buffs that are relevant in combat throughout the game.

Party Comp:

Member 2: Monk
You may have noticed that while this Ultimate Skill Monkey covers an extraordinary range of skills and is competent in all of them, there are two skills I didn’t get expertise in that, from time to time, there will be pretty important checks you’ll want to pass, and often they’ll be passive: Athletics and Survival. You also need a strong carry to compensate for your relative combat weakness. Enter the overpowered Tavern Brawler Open Hand Monk/Thief.
Karlach and Wyll both start with Survival proficiency from their backgrounds and Athletics is a Rogue skill, allowing you to spend your 2x Expertise at Rogue 1 on Athletics and Survival.
Then use STR elixirs so you can pump WIS (which you’ll want to do by Act 3 anyway due to Boots of Uninhibited Kushigo), and now you’ve got someone who will spot every buried treasure and can turn valve wheels like a pro. Oh, and also does inconceivably devastating single-target damage.
Member 3: Bard
No skill monkey is complete without a separate bard to give them Bardic Inspiration. I prefer the 10/1/1 Swords Archer, but 10/2 SSB would be great too. Either one can do carry-level damage while abusing Band of the Mystic Scoundrel and Helm of Arcane Acuity to single-handedly trivialize any combat encounter. Can also cast Enhance Ability on you.
Member 4: Cleric
The only thing the team’s lacking is AoE damage, and someone to dump all the remaining caster, radorb, and reverb gear onto. Light Cleric 11/Storm Sorcerer 1 is my favorite option here, with Spirit Guardians applying gobs of debuffs, supplemented by fire spells that are buffed by oil your skill monkey can apply with their bow. I like the side benefits of Warding Flair, Aid, and other Cleric goodies here, but you could totally throw in a Sorcerer here, or swap to a lightning or ice variant with your skill monkey throwing water bottles on enemies as setup.
Thus ends the meat of the guide, thanks for reading and I’m looking forward to your feedback!
My Tiresome Treatise on Reliable Talent vs. Expertise in BG3
Reliable Talent is very good in a vacuum, but its value goes down substantially in the BG3 environment compared to tabletop.

• Inspiration exists: if you happen to get a low roll, you can use inspiration. Meanwhile, there’s no mechanic that allows you to pump up your maximum skill check that you aren’t already using (Guidance, SSB, BI).
• Enhance Ability: you can pretty much always have this up, and use it during dialogue. Advantage greatly diminishes the odds of a bad roll
• Similarly, you can add Guidance and Bardic Inspiration at will
• Also similarly, the more dice you roll, the less likely you are to get all 1s, and in BG3 you can add Guidance and Shapshifter’s Boon to every roll, plus potentially BI.
• Reliable Talent has a very high opportunity cost in BG3: compared to my build, to get Rogue 11, you have to give up 4 skill proficiencies and 3x expertise, as well as the ability to cast Enhance Ability yourself (or Disguise Self without having to swap your hat in and out): without Knowledge Cleric 2 you have to drop Rock Gnome for Githyanki, and you can’t take Bard 3. And that’s before considering actual combat utility of the builds.
• 55% of the time (at least) it does literally nothing. If you have advantage, which you will have most of the time, the odds of it doing anything at all dwindle to 20%. When it does do something, it will add +5 to a roll on average…which is just 1 more than expertise is guaranteed to add to every roll over proficiency alone. In practice, it’s better than expertise about 11% of the time.
  • Granted, those are the times you need it most, and when it’s at its best, it’s adding a whopping +9 to your roll.
  • But how often is it actually going to turn a failure into a success when expertise wouldn’t? If with proficiency you’re adding +8+2d4 to most skill checks, you still beat a DC10. If going for a DC 20, with expertise and 1s on the extra dice (6.25% chance), you’d have to roll below 6 twice (advantage) to fail, which is 9%. You have a 0.6% chance of that happening, and if did happen to you, it might be in another scenario where it didn’t end up mattering! But if you rolled average on the d4s, you’d have to hit below 3 twice (2.25% chance) . In that extremely unlikely event, use an Inspiration point. To put it in plain language: you have something like a 1/50 chance that RT will give you a success when Expertise would not on a DC20 check.
  • But what if the DC is very high? In that case, Expertise can cause success where RT would fail any time where a 10 on the die is still 1-4 short. If you’re only adding 13 on average to your roll, then you’d need a 17 to pass a DC30, while expertise brings that down to 13. With advantage you have a 36% chance to break 17, but a 51% chance to break 13. Forgive my napkin math, but that’s like 40% better odds, vs. the 11% chance RT will even be better than expertise, let alone the

To put it in plain language: in BG3, when the choice is between Expertise and Reliable Talent, Expertise is equal on DC10 checks and better on DC30 checks. On DC20s, you have something like a 1/50 chance that RT would save you when expertise would not. Do you think you can have an inspiration on hand for 1/50 of your consequential rolls?

First post in this sub, take it easy on me. Wife F30 of 1.5 years just made me M33 aware of an abortion that she had in High School. At the time of discussion, we both cried about it as I could really feel her pain and anxiety telling me this story from her past. She has been struggling with this and sounded like this was something that she wanted to tell me for a while now. We left the conversation in a good place and she appreciated how supportive I was of her.
As we have gotten out of this conversation, I have begun to unpack it a bit more. We have lived very different lives, especially early on. I was very cautious, developed later, wasn't sexually active until early college years, and always wore protection up until I was married. On the flipside, it seems like she may of been a bit irresponsible, multiple sexual partners, unprotected sex, etc. I know that this isn't her now, but it's feels weird to be married to someone that I didn't fully know their life story. She explained to me that only a few people know, her sister, main friend group, etc. but I'm sort of the last to know. I love my wife but I feel a bit disappointed in a way. I know this sounds bad, maybe it's because I was thrusted into responsibility very early on due to my family life. It's most likely a shock because I felt like I knew her, and this feels a bit like a bombshell.
Early in our relationship, I made her aware of many uncomfortable topics about my life, childhood abuse, drug abuse in my family, abandonment, etc. I know these things aren't 1:1 but it feels a bit like I've been an open book and vulnerable to the most important person to me but that hasn't quite been reciprocated.
Am I an asshole for continuing to think about this conversation? Am I in the wrong to ask additional questions? I don't want to make this a conversation about me as I know this is traumatic and I support her. These are the questions I have thought about.

• How did you know you were pregnant before, and could you have similar "symptoms" now? (she has been lethargic and more hungry/thirsty than usual)
• Why do you think you are just wanting to share this with me now? Do you think you would've told me if your doctor hadn’t mentioned pregnancy? (went to Dr for symptoms above)
• Are there any other major life events, things that need to be discussed/known?
• Has this influenced your decision to become a mother in the future?
• Are you still emotionally attached to this person in your past?

Is it worthwhile to hold this conversation and ask these or similar questions or just drop it and move on? Thanks therapy Reddit.
TL;DR: Man M33 finds out that his wife F30 of 1.5 years had a previous abortion. Would like to unpack this situation a bit better, but don't know how to start or if I should discuss this again at all.

TL;DR: I foolishly began dating my coworker who ended up lying to me several times. I finally ended up looking at her DM's and discovered what looks like plans to cheat on me and I don't know how to proceed.
Would really appreciate it if you read until the end where I have questions. Everything else is details & background.
I began casually dating a coworker who I caught feelings for. I've never been the type to have interest in more than one person so I voiced to her early on that I would like to know if she was dating other people. She reciprocated this feeling and assured me she wasn’t dating anyone else but would tell me if she did.
Things were great but we had a recurring argument about once or twice a month about how I was overstepping the casualness.
I will admit I took things too far sometimes but we also didn’t set boundaries either so the lines weren’t super clear all the time. For example, we formed habits like getting coffee in the morning, texting before bed, calling each other after work. So those habits created expectations and if there was a break in one of them, I would sometimes point it out and that would usually lead to an argument. It was mostly me who brought those things up but she would do this too, just not as much.
With a vacation coming up we both made plans to hang out before it but when the time came, she said she forgot. She had cancelled plans several times in the past and I was always understanding, but this time I expressed frustration.
I texted her that I was upset about it because I was really looking forward to spending time before the vacation. She thought I was being extremely unfair, that cancelling is normal, that we hang out all the time, etc. This led to our big talk.
We both agreed to go back to being coworkers. I said I did not want to immediately go back to being friends right away and that I wanted to keep some distance for now.
She immediately disrespected these wishes by stopping by my office to say hi the first day back (a one week vacation). I was confused but went along with it because we were at the office and I wasn't going to make a scene. A few days after that, she sent in a request for help with her workstation knowing that I was going to be assigned to it.
I didn't have time to help out that day but she showed up again at my office at the end of the day and confessed that she sent the request to get my attention and wanted to apologize. I said it's ok but that she needs to respect my wishes about keeping a healthy distance and only being coworkers.
The following week I went to help her with that issue and next thing I know we were flirting again. One of the strongest attractions was our good chemistry and that got us into trouble. So we agreed to sit and talk about things and decide what we want.
We both clearly had feelings for each other so we decided to continue dating. This was where she admitted that she had been dating other people on Hinge and out of fear of driving me away, she kept it from me. I felt betrayed and left. In hindsight, this probably should have been the end of things.
In the following couple of weeks, she apologized profusely and did a lot of thoughtful things in an attempt to make up for it. Eventually, I forgave her and tried to be understanding. I told her I would need time to rebuild trust and that if I were to move forward, I would need us to to be committed to each other to which she agreed.
Things were ok until I noticed that she was texting this one guy (bachelor #1) almost every day. So with a combination of her lying to me before and also myself having been cheated on in the past, I couldn't help but look at the locked phone screen and kept seeing his name. I also noticed a trend in the past that some of her contacts had “H” as their last initial which made me wonder if they were all people she met on hinge. Bachelor #1 had the "H" too and I asked if they met on hinge. She admitted to adding “H” to Hinge contacts but promised that bachelor #1 was not from hinge, just that she couldn’t remember his last name but knew it started with an H. I didn’t really believe her because she was incredibly vague about how they met. She says he's just a friend who they happen to have a ton in common with and talk almost every single day. I said it’s fine but asked if he at least knew that her and I were dating and he did not.
I know its normal for people to have close friends of the opposite sex but I found it odd that in all of their almost daily communication, I never came up. I couldn't help but think that it was intentionally being avoided.
I was puzzled and brought it to the table, and was told that it simply "never came up." I said I felt uncomfortable that he didn't know about me especially since I'm kind of still in this 'rebuild trust' phase. She understood and finally told him that she's "seeing some guy." So I guess I was ok with that. My 2 female friends know that I am dating her and I don't even talk to them half as much. After she told him, I let it go.
Then bachelor #2 enters the picture. This guy frequently hits on her and makes it extremely clear that he wants to fuck. I get it, guys are going to hit on beautiful women but I expect her to shut it down. And of course, the same is expected of me to shut down people hitting on me. However, with this friend of hers, instead of shutting it down, she accepts all of the compliments and allows him to continue making advances via DM's. He didn't know about me at all and only stopped once he found out because I went to the gym with her consistently enough to where he caught on that her and I were together (they go to the same gym sometimes).
So once again, it seems like she was hiding the fact that she's exclusive with someone. He stopped messaging her so I let it go but again, I'm annoyed that it was even a thing in the first place.
About another month had passed with no issues and we were doing surprisingly well so I asked her to officially be my girlfriend and she said yes.
We were both really happy but later that night, she was texting bachelor #1 right in front of me. I hate that I did this but I glanced over at her phone and saw they made plans to hang out but I didn't say anything, I didn't think too much of it. At the end of the night in bed and amid random conversation, she said she was planning to see her female friend on the day that she made plans to hang out with bachelor #1. She lied to me completely unprompted.
My chest started pounding and I said "You're lying to me" and she responds with "what? I'm so tired, go to sleep" Again I said "You are fucking lying to me." I started getting out of bed to gather my things and leave. She lunged after me, trying to grab me, asking me not to leave. I said I can't do this anymore and that I can't trust her. She started crying, apologizing, making excuses, etc. I couldn't listen to any of it so I left.
I woke up to a whole ass story of a text of how sorry she was and I didn't deserve that. She said she was just going on a walk with him and the dog she's fostering because he was thinking of adopting him. Her excuse for lying to me was that she thought it would ruin the night because I was sensitive about her friendship with him in the past.
She still went on that walk with him but she was texting me during it, called me after and invited me over for dinner. She talked to bachelor #1 about me a lot and said how much she wanted to be with me etc. They don't talk as much anymore and apparently he is now in a relationship with someone.
I bought the whole apology and continued with the relationship. I keep telling myself she didn't cheat on me and that she would never do that but I don't really know how I'm supposed to rebuild trust. I'm just kind of going with the flow at this point and trying to enjoy the time we spend together.
Once again things seem to be going ok until bachelor #3 enters the picture.
This dude lives in a different state but he sent her two free pairs of expensive-ass shoes. Normally, I would think that's pretty damn cool of him but at this point everything makes me skeptical. She told me a bit about him, that they used to work together and that he's married. Well, as of a week ago, we got into an argument about trust that started from me finding out that she doesnt ever post me on instagram. I accused her saying that there must be more people hitting on her in her DM's and she likes the attention so much that she doesn't want to broadcast that she has a boyfriend. She swore nobody was hitting on her and that doesn't happen at all. She said the only male friend of hers she talks to besides bachelor #1 was Bachelor #3. Then I asked her to show me the DM's with bachelor #3 and she said no.
I should not have done this but in the next few days I found a chance to go through her phone. This is what I saw and I have screenshots to prove it:
-He frequently hits on her saying she's hot and beautiful.
-She posted about muffins she made and he reacted with "When I visit, you'll have to bake me some" to which she ecstatically agreed.
-He then told her she should put 'baking' on her dating profile and her response was "when I make one, I will!"
(The fuck? Would this not be the time to say "I actually have a boyfriend right now"? )
-Then she asked if he was dating. He responded saying he avoids dating apps and rather meet in person and hook up from there.
(The fuck the fuck? Why are you asking a married man if he's dating?)
-Finally he asks if she's dating and she actually said yes but there was zero mention of me at all or that she has a boyfriend.
-He said he was going to be in town in June and asked her to get drinks with him. She says "Yes! Definitely!"
This is pretty damning, right? To me, it really looks like it's leading up to her cheating on me. Or am I somehow missing something?
What the fuck do I do, reddit?
I know that being in this pickle is 100% my fault and I blame no one but myself. But here I am and I would really appreciate advice on the best exit strategy.
I don't want things to end explosively and I prefer not to admit that I went through her DMs if possible. There's no possibility that she has a valid explanation for how she's speaking to Bachelor #3, right?
I've been trying to plan exit strategies and I'm thinking of simply telling her that I haven't been able to rebuild trust and that it's best to stop the relationship then leave it at that.
I'm extremely upset and hurt that she still lied to my face. Now, the vengeful part of me really wants to catch her in the act of lying to me when Bachelor #3 visits in June.
Major problem.
We still work together but in completely different departments. The working together may not last very long (she's been looking for another job). And I'm seriously considering it as well.
So here's what I need help with.
Do I allow her to explain what is going on with bachelor #3 or do I just say that I don't see myself being able to trust her again and leave it at that?
Do I wait to end things until one of us gets a different job?
Do I go for the more gratifying ending by calling her out on her bullshit and admitting that I went through her DM's or by waiting to catch her in the act when he visits?

So, a little background. I (33m) and my ex (29f) dated for about 3 years, and it just didn't work out. But we have maintained a pretty good friendship since ending the relationship over a year ago. My ex's father passed away when she was around 17 due to alcoholism. From her father she has 5 half siblings. The youngest one (brother), I'll call P, is now 14. P's mother has been addicted to drugs (meth, coke, and pills) and alcohol all of P's life. They have been homeless since his father passed away when he was around a year old. His mother, I'll call S, has exhausted all local resources such shelters, public services, and such due to breaking the rules and continuing to use drugs. I don't know how her two youngest children have never made it into the system; but her older 4 had been taken away when they were very young and put into the foster system. Anyways, S and P have been homeless, living in motels when possible, shelters when possible (before they stopped allowing her), staying at whatever rando's place they can, and sleeping storage units and in S's car when she had one (she no longer does). S has had multiple CPS reports made over the years but her two youngest children have always been left in her care. S is known to leave her kids of days at a time and be under the influence in front of them often. Also, S did not care about P's schooling. He would miss weeks of school at a time, would be failing every class possible, and was basically on the path of becoming a high school drop out in the next few years.
My ex finally got herself in a position where she is able to take on the care and responsibility of P. He had shown interest in living with her and wanting to better his own life. So, for the last 7 months P has been living with my ex, and I have been doing what I can to be supportive and a good male role model for P (I go to all of his sports tournaments and practices, help him with homework, have "guys nights" where we go to the movies or watch basketball games, facetime or text him a few times a week to check in and ask about his day, etc.). My ex has taken S to court to file for custody (court date is this week). They had a court hearing a few months ago and permeant placement was granted to my ex with visitations for P and S under my ex's discretion. P has not seen his mom in about 6 months. In those months S has maybe called to speak to P less then 8 times. She has done nothing to improve her situation or to show that she is capable of providing for P. She has occasionally sent P erratic messages saying things such as "you're not my son anymore" and other really mentally damaging things you just don't say to your own child. S also has an active warrant out for her plus she recently cut her ankle monitor off.
Despite all this, P really loves his mom. They are very much trauma bonded. Sometimes P will say things about his mom and me and my ex will look at each other because we know it is total BS. But P believes these things because it's what his mom told him. Some of the BS is that S and my ex's and P's dad were married (they were not), that she can't get a job because someone stole her identity (she is the one who committed identity theft, not the other way around), and that her facial tick is from a car accident years ago (but it's actually from the drug use). P is 14 so he is getting to an age where he knows what drugs and alcohol are and he knows the way his life was when he was living with S was not good. But he also will defend his mom no matter what. We do not bad mouth his mom in front of him. But we do try to ask questions to get him to realize things on his own and connect the dots. P knows his mom is using but has started feeling guilty and thinks if he was with S she would not be using and drinking as much. My ex tried to explain that with or without him there S would still be doing these things, she just doesn't do them right in front of him; and also that S is an adult and makes those poor decisions on her own. P is constantly stressed and worried about his mom and her substance abuse. He feels responsible for her despite knowing living with his sister gives him the best opportunity of being successful in life. He has been going to school consistently, he has no failing grades, he is playing organized sports and has a stable home environment for the first time in his life. But the longer his been living away from his mom, the harder it gets on him mentally. With court coming up this week I think its waying more and more on him and things that he didn't want to believe (that his mom is unfit) are becoming reality and will be backed up by a court of law. We do tell P he will still be able to see his mom once the court situation is figured out, but we are worried for his safety and whereabouts when he's with her and would like her to have some sort of stable place for him to visit her at (a park or McDonalds would even work). We also let P know that he can call/facetime his mom any time he wants but he rarely asks to (just like S rarely calls him).
Anyways, I guess the whole point of this is, what would you say to your younger self if you could? If you read all this and could relate to P then please tell me what the thought process and mindset was for you when you were in that position as a child. I feel like when P is an adult, he will appreciate his sister stepping in to take care of him but right now I know it's hard for him to understand all his feelings towards his mom. It's like he's torn between his mom and a stable life. He knows which is better for him but at the end of the day that's still his mom.

I (24 f) have always had lot of problems with relationships. I have been a terrible friend when I was younger and never really cared about anyone. Everytime I got bored I just cut them off and disappeared, without saying anything. It may is already clear, but my mental health was just so bad. I found a guy, we have been together (and still are) for 8 years now and thanks to him I finally decided to go into therapy. Therapy helped me a lot and now I am a completely different person. I love myself, I embrace my imperfections and my mistakes and I try to comunicate everytime something is wrong instead of just cutting him off. Here is the problem. As I started changing I decided that I really wanted to start some healthy friendship. I am into cosplay and I met some girls with the same hobby. I started talking a lot with them from August 2023 to January 2024, then things started to go wrong. They asked me to go to the cinema, but I was broke as hell and could not afford it. I clearly said it was a money problem, so out of my control, but I would love to join them after the cinema for a walk. They said they were not planning for a walk after the cinema so I just say "maybe next time then". Pure coincidence, the day before this conversation I asked one of the girls if she could give me the money for a cosplay I sold to her. She was pretty annoyed, but said she would give me the as soon as possible. I just said thank you and thought everything was fine.
Since those two events they started going out without me, not inviting me for anything, not a walk, nor shopping, nor cosplay events. They just started to be colder and colder. So I did the same. Since they were not looking for me I stopped looking for them after the second time they didn't answered me and didn't invite me. Now they asked to my boyfriend why I am avoiding them and why I never reach out. One of the girl suggested to meet together and I agree. They don't work, while I do, so I gave them some days and hours that I am free and they said they could not cause they were busy and to let them now if I could adapt to their schedule. I told them that I work, so I cannot just skip my job to go out and have fun and they got really offended.
Now I lost every contact with them. I have always helped them in every way I could (also economically when I could do it), so I really feel like they only used me when they needed and then throw me away when I was not useful anymore.
This situation is so hurtful and I feel so bad, but at the same time I think I should not keep giving them what they want until they don't show they deserve it... What are your thoughts about it? AITAH for not trying more to comunicate with them or should I just let it be?

Content Warning:Mentions of Child Abuse & Gore
They called me a colic baby, meaning I was a seemingly healthy baby that was distressed for an unknown reason. The fits of crying mostly dissipated by six months, but they'd crop up every now and then into toddler-hood. When I became capable of babbling a few words, I would summarize my pain in a few words: belly hurt. Belly HURT!
My parents didn't have much money, but they took me to the doctor for a checkup anyway. After running a physical exam and blood test, they determined that I was merely an excessively gassy little girl and should probably eat a more gut-friendly diet. They also prescribed some medicine which would eliminate the gas and relieve my pain.
It was from that moment on that my parents gave me the nickname "Gas Girl" (which I despised). The name stuck for several years, and anytime I'd get a little stomach ache my mom or dad would say, "uh, oh. It's not Gas Girl returning, is it?" I'd glare at them with my arms folded and pout, saying, "I'm not Gas Girl. I'm Wonder Girl!" My parents would share a look, then burst out laughing. Just as I was about to shout a retort, my dad would open up his arms and bend down in that familiar pose which signaled liftoff, and all my childish rage detached like a racing sticker as I leaped into my dad's arms and he flew me around the living room shouting "Who is it? It's Wonder-girl! Here to save the day from Gas Girl!"
Anyway, just as the nickname wore off, the pain returned. I was about 7 or 8 when I had my first big episode. I was in second grade, and the class was cutting out shapes. The pain came on so suddenly I remember lurching back and falling out of my seat. The next few hours were a blur of adults: my teacher, the nurses, the principal, my parents. I remember how cold and alone I felt despite being surrounded by grown ups, and my stomach hurt so much I was crying pretty much nonstop.
My dad bought a bunch of OTC medicine to try and settle what he thought was a really bad gas episode. My mom laid at the side of my bed and did bicycles in the air with me. Hours passed in pain as my adolescent imagination conjured up images of an evil little elf blowing thousands of bubbles in my belly. I consciously pictured myself popping them, but every time I did, more were blown. My dad scheduled a doctor's appointment for the next morning, and my mom stayed at my side until I was able to fall asleep sometime late in the night.
I dreamed vividly a horrific nightmare. I was strapped to a black, metal box. A surgeon donning blue scrubs with white gloves and a mask entered the space in my peripheral vision. The air was cold but crisp, as if every bit of dust had been scrubbed out of existence. I could feel my breathing, my heartbeat, even my skin. The doctor stepped forward and I could see the distortion of a smirk in the folds of his mask. I expected him to say something, to tell me what he wanted, but instead he lifted my shirt so my belly was exposed. "It's cold", I said in a mumbly voice. He lifted his hand in the air, and I saw behind it off in the back of the room was what looked like the glass wall of an aquarium. I was confused for a second, but only a second. The surgeon plunged his hand into my stomach like a spear, splitting through the flesh as if it were the skin of a ripe fruit. The previously silent man began to cackle like a maniacal villain as I nearly passed out from the pain. I felt his fingers swimming through my guts like parasitic worms. My body shook as cold sweat and blood began to ooze from my pores. I wanted to scream but I couldn't make a sound. I could only lay there, paralyzed, as the evil doctor explored my insides.
Somehow I lost consciousness in the dream, but when I woke up, the memory came flooding back, and I screamed with all the force of a thunderstorm. My parents skipped the appointment and rushed me to immediate care, but by the time we arrived, the pain was gone. I explained my dream to the doctor, but he said it was normal to dream up reasons for the pain. They recommended a CT scan to screen out the possibility of an ulcer or internal bleeding. Despite my parents' scarce savings, they agreed to run the test. However, something deeply entrenched in my mind thought of the dream with the surgeon and I protested. "I don't want a test!" I screamed. "But, honey, how are we going to know what's wrong?" replied my mom. "Nothing's wrong now. I don't want a test."
Looking back now on my persistence, it should have been obvious that there was something wrong with me, but my parents, who were thinking of their finances, allowed themselves to acquiesce to my demands. The pain would continue into and throughout my teenage years, and the one benefit that I can credit to it was that it taught me how to endure pain and hide it well before puberty started. Compared to my childhood cramps, period cramps were around a B+. Very bad, but not end of the world bad. However, they'd stick around more reliably, and eventually the two began to combine until I could no longer discern between them. Occasionally I would have a nightmare and wake up with a pain that was a little higher in my stomach, almost approaching my chest, but it would always disappear by breakfast time, and the chaos of a teenage girl's life would once again reassert itself in the form of an outfit that didn't look quite right or the memory of every word of a conversation with a guy I liked or how my teacher was out to get me. Basically, I had become normal.
And then two weeks after I turned 16, my dad passed away from heart failure. Apparently the stress from a paycheck-to-paycheck life in sales added onto a bad diet and a penchant for alcohol was a recipe for disaster. He was only 49. I was crushed.
The weeks and months following his funeral were filled with teenage anger and resentment. I directed most of it at my mom, who I held accountable for not being strong enough to step up and help with the bills. One day, when I was searching the drug cabinet for some painkillers to deal with some bad cramping, I noticed a new prescription for a drug with a really long name. I looked it up. It was an antidepressant. From that moment on I stopped giving my mom shit, but I grew a bit distant from her. I started spending a lot more time with my friends. I became reckless, adopting a drinking habit and unsafe sex practices. I smoked a bit but I didn't really like it. I guess I was just trying to find a way to move on, as naive as it was.
Fast forward to my present situation, and I'm a college student. A junior to be exact. I ended up scrounging up enough money from working two restaurant jobs to see a therapist on my own dime, and managed to make peace with my mom before leaving. We both talked out all of our trauma and cried together, and from that moment on, I haven't had a drink. About six months ago I got on the pill. I was starting to see one guy consistently and I wanted to be safe, but also I wanted to know what it felt like to not have stomach cramps anymore. It was freeing. I remembered my dad lifting me up into the air as a child, and I figured it kinda felt like that. I still cry thinking about him, although I don't let anyone see.
Anyway, about a week ago I started having really bad pain again, but this time it was in my chest. I would wake up in my apartment (I share a 3-bedroom with some friends from the college) with heart palpitations. My heart felt like a snake had wrapped around it and was trying to choke it out. The pressure would give way to a burst of fast ba-dum's, then settle, then start again. I remembered my dad's prognosis and started to get really scared, so I scheduled an appointment with the on-campus doctor for the next day through the online health platform.
They told me that chest pain is no joke and scheduled to have me scanned at a nearby hospital. This was four days ago. My boyfriend, Kevin, drove me there even though I said I'd be fine going alone. I think I already knew our relationship wasn't going to work out long term, so I was kind of checked out. I felt bad about it though because Kev is actually a really good person, but our personalities just don't match. He's very introverted and doesn't like to go out, whereas I thrive in group settings. Anyway, he drove me and I ended up getting an X-ray. The doc came in to share the results and I was immediately put off by the dubious expression on his face.
"What do you mean the images are blurry?" I asked.
"Well, it's just… that. They're blurry. It's very unusual for this to happen unless you have a pacemaker or some other device implanted. Do you know if you have something like that?"
"No, never," I said with a quaver in my voice. For some reason I thought back on my childhood dream with the surgeon and felt the urge to vomit.
"Well, let's run a CT scan and see if we can make anything out." He soothed.
Normally the CT and MRI dock was booked for a week out but the doctor happened to have an open space for me that same morning, so I waited about an hour and then got in the big tube machine that took pictures of my chest and abdomen. He said he should have the results by Thursday. That was Yesterday.
I was driving onto campus for my 9AM class when I got the call.
"Hello, this is Dr. **** calling for Josie **** ." (names redacted for privacy reasons)
"Oh, yes, this is Josie," I said and fit the phone between my shoulder and ear as I tried to find a comfortable posture."
"Yes, hello," the male doctor said in grave way which made me feel like this wasn't going to be a short call. "I wanted to see if you were available to come in today for some more tests."
"More tests?" I asked. "What about the first ones?" Images of blocked heart valves and cancer presented themselves on my mental screen.
"Yes, well, I wanted to discuss the results with you in person. There was a bit of a … well, an inconsistency, and I didn't want to upset you—"
"Upset me!?" I blurted, my free hand flying out over the steering wheel, swerving my car toward the curb. I corrected, then lowered my voice, "sorry, I don't mean to be …" be, what? This is completely absurd. "Could you at least give me some indication of what's wrong with me? I'm just kind of panicking here."
The doctor was quiet for a moment, then returned. "Sorry, Josie, I didn't mean to spook you. Both the X-ray scan and CT scan are picking up interference which is unusual. It's possible it's just a flaw on our end, so that's why we wanted you to come back in—to do an MRI and really verify what the issue is. This one would be free of charge and we'd get you results same-day as we feel bad about the issues with the machinery. Do you think that would be possible?"
I took a deep breath. I still felt uneasy, but at least now there was some kind of explanation I could lean on. "Okay, yeah, I can come in. I have class until 9:50AM, but I can drive over after and be there around 10:15, 10:20-ish. Would that work?"
"That would work great. We'll see you then."
I spent the whole of my communications class thinking about what could be wrong with me, doodling my ideas down on a notebook. Heart disease. Cancer. Some kind of peptic ulcer. Maybe it was the pill? The drinking? Was this some kind of cosmic retribution? I didn't know.
An hour later I was back at the hospital. I expected to be ushered into the MRI prep room, but instead I found myself in one of the normal patient rooms, sitting upright on a bed. The nurse did the preliminary height and weight measurements and medical history. I asked about the MRI, but all she said was that the doctor will discuss that with me. Before she left, she handed me an assessment to fill out. It seemed to be a list of questions about the medical history of my family, specifically about our mental health. Does your family have a history of Schizophrenia? Have there been any instances of domestic abuse? Did you have vivid nightmares as a child? Etc. I marked the boxes, then set the clipboard down.
At last I heard the fated knock on the door, and my doctor came in holding an Ipad. The door was only open for maybe a couple seconds, but I could see multiple nurses and technicians peeking their heads in my direction, as if they were trying to catch a glimpse of me. That can't be good.
"Hello, Josie," the doctor said and clicked on the little TV screen. He didn't even look at me. I could see dried sweat along his hairline.
"What's happening? I thought I was going to get an MRI…"
"Well, actually we aren't sure if that's the best course of action." the doctor said as he clicked the screen and pulled up a series of images.
"Can you look at me, please?" I snapped.
The doctor raised his head and tilted it in my direction. His mouth was agape, his eyes wide as if only realizing I was here at that moment. "I'm sorry, Josie." He took a deep breath, preparing some kind of canned presentation, then let it out and said, "It's just easier if I show you." He pulled up the first global image from what I presume was my CT scan. It was a front-shot. I could see my organs as little geometric shapes and—
"Wait, what is that?" I asked, pointing at the screen.
"That—is the problem."
I spent the next minute just staring at it. Somehow, in between all of the organs, there was some kind of cylindrical mass—I thought it was my spine at first but quickly realized it was too wide and there weren't any vertebrae—and at the head of the mass was, very clearly, a hand.
"What the fuck is that" I said in a tone that was at once forceful and pointed.
"It appears," the doctor started, looking away again. "It appears that there is a mechanical hand in your chest cavity. It's attached to a piece of a forearm that begins at your stomach, here," he pointed, "and continues up until, well, it appears to be holding your heart."
Ten seconds passed in silence. Then I was hit with the equivalent of the laughing gas they give you at the Dentist's office. All the blood in my body surged to my forehead and I felt light as the very thin hospital air. "Hahaha!!! You expect me to believe that? What kind of fucking clown-show hospital is this? Am I at the circus?' I stood up and started toward the door. The doctor body blocked me.
"Please, Josie, that isn't it."
"Oh?" I said sarcastically. "Please, do tell."
"Could you have—oh, okay, okay,, let me explain."
I stood there with my arms folded, unrelenting.
"When we first had you do the X-ray there was a big blur. It was clear that something was blocking us from seeing the image. The CT scan was able to take some actual pictures of it. I know it seems, well, unusual—"
"Wait, what the hell is that?" I asked, gesturing toward the clipboard.
"What?" The doctor looked disoriented.
"Those questions. Are you trying to insinuate that my mom and dad implanted some kind of mechanical hand in my body?"
"No," the doctor raised his hands. "We were just trying to gather some more information… Josie," the doctor said as I once again headed for the door handle. "Please, there's more. From the blood test we conducted it seems that you're pregnant."
I was so done. "I'm on the pill, asshole." I sneered and swung the door open, ignoring the sets of eyes trained on me as I scurried to the end of the hall, ran outside, and climbed into my car. I expected to see a bunch of people in white coats running after me, but there was no one. I started the car as tears began to stream from my eyes. Fuck them, I thought and sped out of the parking lot.
I couldn't return to my apartment. I ended up driving for hours, working my way back to my hometown. I spent a long time thinking about all the things I had experienced growing up. The stomach pain, slowly working its way up to my chest. The vivid dream of the surgeon feeling around my guts. Was it really that crazy to think my body was trying to tell me something? Why had I decided against having a CT scan all those years ago? Why now? I didn't—couldn't believe what was happening to me. But was that just because I didn't want to believe it?
And then there was the pregnancy. I was definitely on the pill. I knew it wasn't Kev's, or at least I was pretty sure it wasn't. We haven't been having sex for a little over a month now. But did that mean that something else didn't impregnate me? My paranoia was at its peak. I considered the possibility that maybe it was me that was Schizophrenic. None of this made any sense. I wanted my dad. I missed him. I considered going to see my mom, but despite making up with her, I still didn't feel close enough to her to own up to everything. I wanted to be alone—needed to be alone.
I ended up getting a Motel about 10 minutes away from my house. It was around 1AM when I finally opened the door to my room and laid down on the bed. After hours of thinking, a single thought occurred to me like a kind of defense mechanism: if I really am pregnant, I'm not keeping the baby. I want it out.
Just as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard the notification sound go off on my phone, which was odd since I was sure I had set it to vibrate. I turned and grabbed it, unplugging it from its charging dock. I had received a text message from an unknown, 5-digit number: 66669. This is what it said.
66669: If you terminate my baby, I will crush your heart.
***
I haven't been able to sleep since. It's now 6AM and I've drafted this as a cry for help. Please, let me know what you think I should do. I'm too "in it" to see the details clearly. I feel alone and scared and paranoid. Someone or something is watching me. Maybe it has been my whole life.

Finally i've finished reading every volume and, as someone who loves writing, here i am writing this review just to share my thoughts.
So, it's undeniable that COTE is edgy as hell. Just take a look at Tsukishiro randomly talking about a guy he just killed, BUT at the same time i feel like it makes sense for the series to have edgy elements when you consider the target audience and the elements the story has. It's not an happy story if you dive deep enough in it and can be rather depressive at times. Either way it's better to fully embrace the edge and just enjoy the series how it is since it's a very enjoyable story if you turn off your brain
The characters are what i think is the main appeal of the series. The cast is huuuuuuge as frick and most of the characters, while not very developed, are each flashed out on their own way, which makes them and their interactions with others very enjoyable and fun to read. Just look at a character like Kito who went from a random dude with a scary face to a full-ass character in y2v8 who was a blast to read alongside his interactions with Ryuen. We have the same with other characters like Ishizaki who went from a random Ryuen's pawn to a whole bro, Sudo who went from the everage short-tempered guy to a chad and Ibuki who went from a girl with anger issues to still a girl with anger issues but entertaining to read with her intractions with Horikita and sometimes Kushida. I won't call the cast deep or amazingly written. The only characters who have a superior level of writing are probably Koji and Ryuen but even they aren't that amazing, but that's okay. You don't need to write Guts 2.0 to make an enjoyable character. But now, alongside the characters, two problems surface. One about the community and one about the author. The first one, the one about the community, is that people seem to care only about feats. No one is gonna talk about a character who doesn't outsmart everyone in a single volume just for him to get humbled by Koji five seconds later. And this is what i consider to be an huuuge problem. I get that they are less amazing inside the story but if they're fun to read then aren't they good characters? I get the shit with Yagatwink because he had a disastrous end but with the rest? Why call Nagumo a fraud in the end? The way he lost made sense with his character. I feel like the fact that people only care about feats is what makes more minor characters Kanzaki, Hashimoto or heck even Matsushita, Ibuki or Morishita to be less talked about. I get it when a character is straight up annoying like Ichinose, Yagatwink, Airi, Yagabitch, Ecchinose, Yagamid or Ichinose but the rest feels a bit unnecessary. The second problem lies in the author and his inability to focus on one character properly. I like a large cast, and it's normal not to develop every character but it doesn't make sense to have important characters like Ichika, Kei or even Fuka to not get development because they're important to the story and are even fam favourites. Ichika was abandoned and was left to be a simp, while there was an huge room for development when it comes to her inability to make friends. Kei will probably develop in year 3 but for now she's an NPC and Kiryuin sadly has few appearances and don't get me started on the first years. I'll leave characters like Ishigami, Tsubaki and Koenji out of the picture because it makes sense for them to be a mystery at this point in the story
I shall avoid talking about fanservice because i want to preserve the few mental stability that i currently have
COTE also does a good job with its antagonists. While sadly year 2 was a bit lacking with Tsukishiro amd Yagami, the rest were great. Ryuen was a threat and you wanted to see him continue and take Koji out in the open and GOSH that fight in y1v7 was amazing even in the light novel. Arisu was great with more of an anti-hero type of character? She'll clearly have more screentime as a villain in y3 but for now she still did a great job. Then we have Nagumo who, at least for me, was defeated almost perfectly for his character and it was even sad. You can see the difference from Nagumo in the beginning and in the end. Then there are other characters who will probably become antagonists. The one i'm looking forward the most is clearly Koenji, who's probably better than Koji physically, and could leave a mark. Then there's Ishigami who will absolutely be an antagonist even if not for long and they better not mess that up or istg. Then Tsubaki, the one who probably has the lowest chances to be an antagonist but someone who could still be interesting to see. And then Horikita who will be almost 100% an antagonist for Koji if he ever switches classes. Then there's Atsuomi who i don't wanna talk about because he's a bit disappointing unless he really doesn't wanna Koji to be expelled
I won't really focus on the special exams, not because they're bad but because even today i still don't understand how 90% of them work so bear with me
Going back to character interactions, i feel like that's something the anime, or at least season 1, kinda nailed. S1E7 is one of the main proves of this. I felt as if the pool scene was better in the anime (fanservice excluded) than in the light novel. That was one of the few times i felt the characters mostly acted like kids who wanted to have fun (fanservice excluded) and that small and faint smile they gave to Koji, even if technically nonsensical and not canon, felt great and feels even better the more i read and come to understand him more. Same thing for the time he smiled in y2v10. That scene was very short but it felt amazing to read nonetheless. Character interactions are also the reasons why i love volumes like y1v8, y2v8 or some scenes in the .5 volumes. They just feel fun to read. Seeing Koji skiing with Kushida and Ryuen, even if they wanna see him in the ground and then take a selfie on his grave, felt great and even more after reading about Ryuen chuckling after seeing Koji fall. Or even the scene with Arisu and Koji eating the cake, something so simple but great to me
Now i'd like to talk a bit about Koji's character because he's probably the deepest and most well written in the series. Due to the anime, those yt videos and the Ayanokoji wannabe he became the epitome of the "oh my god he's literally me" and the average edgy character, which i find to be horrendous. I like the jokes about that but i can't stand when one is serious. We all know Koji's main motive in that school is probably just live a quiet life in peace just like a normal high schooler and when you stop and think about him... Goddammit his story is depressing. He never had a normal childhood and he developed a toxic mindset while being in the WR which ruined his life. He's so depressed and traumatised he can't even smile properly and his normal and mundane happy life is constantly ruined by troubles and sabotages by his father (if he really wants to expel him). I know he clearly doesn't have a problem with any of that because he's perfect and all, but having to deal with all of that consistently must suck even for him. Dude can't catch a break and i won't be surprised if we see him breaking at some point in the story (something i'm looking forward to). I just want someone to defeat him just so his father could leave him the fuck alone
Now that we're here, i think i can finally end this. It was short, yeah, but it was fun. COTE is what i consider to be a flawed masterpiece due to the way it keeps you reading but also make you question what the author is doing at times. It's good but it's also bad and i expected much worse in y2. There are obviously many disastrous nitpicks in the series. Ichinose is a whole damn example, but other than those problems, this series is amazing to me. But maybe i have written all wrong stuff and i've completely missed the point in the story, but i don't mind viewing it like this. It's a fun story that i hope won't fall from grace