This is going to be a long one. Firstly, the Confession of Dositheus, a confession ratified by the Pan-Orthodox Council of Jerusalem in 1672 and signed by all Patriarchs since the Council of Crete in 2016, says the following in its second decree (you can read it here https://www.crivoice.org/creeddositheus.html ):
"but the Catholic Church, as never having spoken, or speaking from herself, but from the Spirit of God – who being her teacher, she is ever unfailingly rich – it is impossible for her to in any wise err, or to at all deceive, or be deceived; but like the Divine Scriptures, is infallible, and hath perpetual authority." (Confession of Dositheus, Decree 2)
However, it appears as if the Orthodox Church has erred in at least two places in its councils. Firstly, the Council of Jassy in 1642 ratified the Confession of Peter Moghila, which states the following in its 104th decree (https://maksimologija.org/mogila-orthodox-confession ):
"The ointment of chrism is the second mystery; and this had its beginning at the time when the Holy Spirit came down from heaven and rested upon the Apostles, and sealed them with his divine grace, that they might preach the faith of Christ steadfastly and without ceasing. Of this blessing and divine assistance hath every one need who becometh a Christian; and as then the Holy Spirit came down in the visible form of fire and bestowed his grace, or gifts, upon the Apostles, so now, when the priest anointeth the newly baptised person with the holy oil, he becomes endued from above with the gifts of the Holy Spirit: As appears from the words which the priest (as appointed) useth in the celebration of this Mystery; namely, the seal of the gift of the Holy Spirit, Amen. As if he should say, By the anointing of this holy ointment thou art sealed and confirmed into the gifts of the Holy Spirit, which thou dost receive for a confirmation of thy Christian faith. Agreeable hereto are the words of the Apostle (2 Cor. 1.21), He which establisheth us with you in Christ, and hath anointed us, is God: Who hath also sealed us, and given the Earnest of the Spirit in our hearts. This Anointing, or rather the bestowing the Efficacy of this Unction, was done in the times of the Apostles by laying on of hands; according to the Scripture (Acts 8.17), Then laid they their hands on them, and they received the Holy Ghost. This was afterwards performed by anointing with ointment, as we learn from St Dionysius the Areopagite, who was the Disciple of St Paul (Ecclesiastical Hierarchy, chs. 2 and 4)."
^ The text above clearly attributes the work of Pseudo-Dionysius to Dionysius the Areopagite as mentioned in the book of acts. By citing Ecclesiastical Hierarchy here, it is saying that this text was written by a disciple of the historical Paul. The problem is that scholarship is unanimous that the works of Pseudo-Dionysius are dependant on Proclus, who wrote in the late 5th century. Even if this is not true, we do not have any unambiguous mentions of the work of Dionysius before the sixth century, which would be odd if he was a prominent apostle, who, according to Church tradition, later became the Bishop of Athens. Furthermore, this work, Ecclesiastical Hierarchy, contains references to ecclesiastical structures that were not present in the first century.
A= 'we learn [that it was performed by anointing with oitment] from St Dionysius the Areopagite, who was the Disciple of St Paul'
B= St Dionysius the Areopagite was the Disciple of St Paul
A → B
B = false
∴ A is false
Below I have attached some resources on Pseudo-Dionysius the Areopagite:
https://www.newadvent.org/cathen/05013a.htm
https://www.jstor.org/stable/20717171?searchText=pseudo-dionysius&searchUri=%2Faction%2FdoBasicSearch%3FQuery%3Dpseudo-dionysius%26so%3Drel&ab_segments=0%2Fbasic_search_gsv2%2Fcontrol&refreqid=fastly-default%3A989329de8aa08b25bc69195915261da6
https://www.jstor.org/stable/10.5325/jmedirelicult.43.1.0001?searchText=pseudo-dionysius&searchUri=%2Faction%2FdoBasicSearch%3FQuery%3Dpseudo-dionysius%26so%3Drel&ab_segments=0%2Fbasic_search_gsv2%2Fcontrol&refreqid=fastly-default%3A0cf11a64bb46b55bdcccfcdfc0cf3e38
https://www.jstor.org/stable/20474890?searchText=pseudo-dionysius&searchUri=%2Faction%2FdoBasicSearch%3FQuery%3Dpseudo-dionysius%26so%3Drel&ab_segments=0%2Fbasic_search_gsv2%2Fcontrol&refreqid=fastly-default%3A17c51552dad6f7378aaae7441274950f
It is considered completely untenable that he was a disciple of St. Paul by modern scholarship. Regarding earlier texts that seem to mention him, modern scholarship has shown that instead, Pseudo-Dionysius was dependant on these: "Until more recently more credit was given to other lines of evidence on which Franz Hipler endeavoured to support his entirely new thesis, to the effect that the author of the writings lived about the year 375 in Egypt, as Abbot of Rhinokorura. Hipler's attempts, however, at removing the textual difficulties, ekleipsis, adelphotheos, soma, proved to be unsuccessful. In fact, those very passages in which Hipler thought that the Fathers had made use of the Areopagite (e.g., in Gregory of Nazianzus and Jerome) do not tell in favor of this hypothesis; on the contrary, they are much better explained if the converse be assumed, namely, that Pseudo-Dionysius drew from them. Hipler himself, convinced by the results of recent research, has abandoned his opinion." (Catholic Encyclopedia)
Note that the letter describing the reception of the Confession of Peter Moghila describes it as such:
"…vested with the most full and plenary power of the whole sacred Synod; he went into Moldavia, as we have said, together with Porphyrius; whither also, sent from the Russians, came Isaias Trophinus, and Conovicius, and Xenovicius; men truly excellent, adorned with all kind of learning and liberal knowledge. These three taking God only for their guide and master, who is the giver of all knowledge, and of all true holiness and understanding, brought the book to this excellent conclusion; having by much mutual disquisition and disputation thoroughly purged it from all foreign doctrines and defilements of novelty, and then forthwith he sent it to the most holy four orthodox patriarchs, the successors in the seats of the Apostles, to be reviewed and considered of. They also confirmed it with their approbation, as containing the true and genuine doctrines, and in nothing departing from the sincere and catholic faith of the Greeks, and declared it to be pure and uncorrupt; by the universal judgement, determination and consent of all, and furthermore by their own proper subscription, and of their clergy as appears hereunto annexed, they decreed and confirmed it; and entitled it, not only of the Russians, but by a more universal Appellation, The orthodox Confession of all the Greeks. Yet however, this book as it was but lately to be had in print among the Russians, so among the Greeks it was only to be had in manuscripts, and that but very rarely. Whereupon, the Lord Panagiota, Interpreter to his imperial Majesty of the East and West, a person of wisdom and piety, and entirely devoted to true religion; as he is most regardful and affectionate of our Greek nation, and zealous contender for the orthodox faith; among his many other magnificent works and public employments, wherein he is daily and hourly engaged, he willingly undertook the care and patronage of this also; and caused this book to be printed at his own expense in our and the latin languages, that every one, who was desirous to increase in piety, might without any expense (for he caused the copies to be distributed to all gratis) be provided with a book, from when as from a source of pure and living water, and out of the genuine fountain of salvation draw the sacred doctrine of our Church, unpolluted with the muddy and foreign opinions of sectaries. And now, let no one marvel, that this book is expressed in a plain style, and unadorned with eloquence; seeing that thereby, it is not only fitted for the learned, but the unlearned multitude also. For the wise and prudent reader ought not to regard the unfinished manner of expression, but the truth of the words and thoughts." (Prefatory Letter of Patriarch Nectarius of Jerusalem)
The above quote can once again be found here: https://maksimologija.org/mogila-orthodox-confession/
This letter describes the way in which the Confession was declared as ‘containing the true and genuine doctrines, and in nothing departing from the sincere and catholic faith of the Greeks, and declared it to be pure and uncorrupt; by the universal judgement, determination and consent of all’ by the patriarchs who signed off on it. As such, it seems that it was viewed as infallible.
The Pan-Orthodox Synod of Jerusalem, in ratifying the Confession of Peter Moghila, says this: "And only some six or seven years ago at the most there was published a book intituled The Orthodox Confession of the Eastern Church, which the IVTost Holy Metropolitan, Peter of Kieff, compiled ; and which was revised* and corrected, where revision and correction were needed, at the instance of the Synod of Jassy, by the Protosyncellus and Preacher of the Great Church at Constantinople, Meletius Syrigus, from Crete. And this the Eastern Church hath entirely received, and doth receive ; and the same was published" (Dositheus et al. 2011: pp. 15)
You can find this text on internet archive: https://archive.org/details/actsanddecreess00lucagoog/page/n26/mode/2up?q=Kieff
Dositheos, Robertson James Nathaniel William Beauchamp, and Cyril Lucaris. The acts and decrees of the synod of jerusalem: Sometimes called the Council of Bethlehem, Holden under Dositheus, patriarch of jerusalem in 1672. Charleston, SC: BiblioLife, 2011.
The Holy Spirit didn't lead the Synod of Jassy to correct the authorship of the Dionysian corpus? This part implies that correction and revision were not needed in decree 104 of the Confession of Peter Moghila, and, furthermore, that the Church entirely receives the confession as dogmatic.
Secondly, the Horos of the Photian Council of 879, considered the eighth ecumenical council by Orthodox Christians, says this (read it here https://www.oodegr.com/english/dogma/synodoi/8th_Synod_Dragas.htm ):
"Jointly sanctifying and preserving intact the venerable and divine teaching of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, which has been established in the bosom of our mind, with unhesitating resolve and purity of faith, as well as the sacred ordinances and canonical stipulations of his holy disciples and Apostles with an unwavering judgment, and indeed, those Seven holy and ecumenical Synods which were directed by the inspiration of the one and the same Holy Spirit and effected the [Christian] preaching, and jointly guarding with a most honest and unshakeable resolve the canonical institutions invulnerable and unfalsified, we expel those who removed themselves from the Church, and embrace and regard worthy of receiving those of the same faith or teachers of orthodoxy to whom honor and sacred respect is due as they themselves ordered."
In this statement, there is an entailment that the disciples have sacred ordinances and canonical stipulations.
The entailment is as follows:
We expel those… → ([we are] Jointly sanctifying and preserving intact… the sacred ordinances and canonical stipulations of his holy disciples and Apostles with an unwavering judgment (based on sentence structure) → The Apostles have canonical stipulations)
Here, the structure of the sentence shows that "we expel those who removed themselves from the Church, and embrace and regard worthy of receiving those of the same faith or teachers of orthodoxy to whom honor and sacred respect is due as they themselves ordered" is dependent upon 'jointly sanctifying and preserving in tact...the sacred ordinances and canonical stipulations of his holy disciples and Apostles'
A = 'we expel those who removed themselves from the Church, and embrace and regard worthy of receiving those of the same faith or teachers of orthodoxy to whom honor and sacred respect is due as they themselves ordered.'
The sentence structure indicates that this entails B:
B = [we are] Jointly sanctifying and preserving intact… the sacred ordinances and canonical stipulations of his holy disciples and Apostles with an unwavering judgment
C= The Apostles have canonical stipulations
A → (B → C) = (A ˄ B) → C
For example, if I say 'keeping in mind the letter that Obama wrote me, I will do x', this entails that Obama wrote me a letter. If my statement entails something false, the statement is false: If p is false and q is true or p is true and q is false, the statement is still false.
P. Q. P + Q
TRUE. TRUE. TRUE FALSE. TRUE. FALSE
TRUE. FALSE. FALSE
FALSE FALSE. FALSE
So lets say that p + q is '(we are) Jointly sanctifying and preserving intact...the sacred ordinances and canonical stipulations of his holy disciples and Apostles with an unwavering judgment'
p = (we are) Jointly sanctifying and preserving intact...the sacred ordinances...of his holy disciples and Apostles with an unwavering judgment
q= (we are) Jointly sanctifying and preserving intact...canonical stipulations of his holy disciples and Apostles with an unwavering judgment'
Even if the Disciples have ordinances, if p+q =B above (based on the text) and q entails C then if C is false q is false and p + q is also false.
B = p+q
B→ C
p+q → C
p ⊭ C
q → C
C= false
∴ q = false
∴ p + q = false
A → B and B = p + q
A → p + q
∴ A = false
The problem is, it is considered completely untenable that the canons of the apostles actually go back to the apostles, as they quote canons from the Council of Antioch in 341 and reference a type of Church hierarchy not present in authentic writings from the first century written by presumed successors of the apostles. They are also not mentioned before the 4th century, which is very suspect for a canonical collection supposedly left by the apostles to help govern the Church. If the council of Antioch is instead dependent on the canons, why does it not cite them? If there are other canons that go back to the Apostles, where are they, and what is the evidence that they do? Certainly no other canonical collection states that it has a directly apostolic origin. Thus, it can be said that the Horos of the Eighth Ecumenical Council entails something false, which means in no ambiguous terms that it has erred.
Note that the statement from the Confession of Dositheus reads: "it is impossible for her to in any wise err, or to at all deceive, or be deceived; but like the Divine Scriptures, is infallible, and hath perpetual authority" (Decree 2) and again "In like manner the Church is taught indeed by the Life-giving Spirit, but through the medium of the holy Fathers and Doctors (whose rule is acknowledged to be the Holy and Ecumenical Synods; for we shall not cease to say this ten thousand times); and, therefore, not only are we persuaded, but do profess as true and undoubtedly certain, that it is impossible for the Catholic Church to err, or at all be deceived, or ever to choose falsehood instead of truth. For the All-holy Spirit continually operating through the holy Fathers and Leaders faithfully ministering, delivers the Church from error of every kind." (Decree 12)
If we call the second quote above x, it seems that x entails the truth of all other binding statements the church has made. Statement A from further above is binding because of its presence in a Horos (definition) from an ecumenical council.
Horoi from Ecumenical Councils are binding and infallible
A is a Horos
∴ A is binding and infallible
x from decree 12 → A
A is false
∴ x is false
You can read the following sources on the Canons of the 'Apostles' and why scholarship is unanimous as to their status as a forgery or fraud: https://www.jstor.org/stable/23947920?searchText=apostolic+canons&searchUri=%2Faction%2FdoBasicSearch%3FQuery%3Dapostolic%2Bcanons%26so%3Drel&ab_segments=0%2Fbasic_search_gsv2%2Fcontrol&refreqid=fastly-default%3Afb0f4deadf16b447c63b049972f4248e
https://www.jstor.org/stable/23948013?searchText=apostolic+canons+authorship&searchUri=%2Faction%2FdoBasicSearch%3FQuery%3Dapostolic%2Bcanons%2Bauthorship%26so%3Drel&ab_segments=0%2Fbasic_search_gsv2%2Fcontrol&refreqid=fastly-default%3Aef8cb9e3774f5026b5fccc1979d79eb1&seq=8
https://www.newadvent.org/cathen/03279a.htm
https://ccel.org/ccel/schaff/encyc01/encyc01.html?term=Apostolic%20Constitutions%20and%20Canons
etc.
Note that 'canonical stipulations of his holy disciples and Apostles' is not the name of a document, and, if the statement should be analyzed [canonical] [stipulations] rather than [canonical stipulations], why would there be stipulations of the Apostles that wouldn't be canonical if they are the guardians of Church tradition received from Christ?
From these two arguments, it is clear that the Orthodox Church has erred and been deceived into thinking that forgeries are legitimate and actually originate from their pseudonymous attributions. Error and deception are just what the Holy Spirit was supposed to prevent according to the Pan-Orthodox and binding Confession of Dositheus. If a pan-Orthodox council signed by all Patriarchs with the same authority as other ecumenical councils as per i.e. the acts of the seventh ecumenical council (https://ubipetrusibiecclesia.com/2020/07/03/what-makes-a-council-ecumenical/#nicaea2 ) can be wrong, how can anything in Orthodox tradition be trusted? Keep in mind these are not disciplinary canons either, the texts cited are meant to be a binding confession of faith (for the Confession of Peter Moghila), and the definition (Horos) of an ecumenical council (the Horos of the Photian Council of 879). On the ecumenical status of the latter in the east, see https://www.oodegr.com/english/dogma/synodoi/8th_Synod_Dragas.htm and https://orthodoxwiki.org/Eighth_Ecumenical_Council
On the ecumenical status of the Council of Jassy see https://orthodoxchristiantheology.com/2022/12/21/the-delayed-synodical-receptions-of-the-councils-of-jasy-1642-and-jerusalem-1672/
The Photian Council was also ecumenical in Rome for a while before they opted to go with the earlier robber council as the legitimate one, so this post may also falsify Roman Catholicism.

Alright. I last discussed Câynqasang here, where I covered noun case and quirky subject. Also, here's the first overview post. This time, I'm going to give an overview of verbs in the language. I'll touch on the major points, but there might be a good deal of detail that ends up being beyond the scope of this. I intend to cover the auxiliary verbs, other methods of tense marking, and, by nature of the basic tenses, person marking. Also, I've already discussed the verb classes in a previous post because they're linked to some functions of the case system, but I'll cover that briefly again here. Participles and other features derived from them, however, are mostly beyond the scope of this post, though some will appear in example sentences because both can appear in constructions involving auxiliary verbs.

Verb Classes

Câynqasang verbs belong to four classes, largely (though not exclusively!) determined by their meaning. As I detailed in my most recent post, they trigger a good deal of quirky subject, which I will briefly touch on again here. All may take subjects in the vocative case for imperative constructions, and I will briefly detail other options below.
Action verbs include most verbs in the language. These typically deal in concrete actions and in senses which don't fit in one of the other three categories. The subject of a sentence containing them may take case marking for reflexive constructions or volition marking. Examples:

• nyu [ŋo] "to have" (This is the alienable form. The inalienable "have", ê [eː], is a stative verb.)
• gno [ɣno] "to drink"
• sman [smɐn] "to dig"
• cûl [t͡ʃɪːl] "to bite"

Motion verbs typically deal with motion, though this operates in some broad senses, as we'll see. The subject of a sentence containing them takes prepositional cases to indicate the direction of the motion. Examples:

• lan [lɐn] "to sit"
• ngûyinytinyu [ˈŋɪːjiŋtiŋu] "to inject"
• hînû [ˈxɪːniː] "to fight"
• lâmvu [ˈlɐːmu] "to cross, traverse"

Stative verbs most often deal with states of being, though some irregularity can occur within this class as well. The subject of a sentence containing them takes case marking to indicate volition. Examples:

• gla [ɣla] "to sleep"
• kalîng [kaˈlɪːŋ] "to hydrate" (This has an additional sense as a noun, "waterfall")
• îny [ɪːŋ] "to pray" (one of the wilder examples)
• calom [t͡saˈlɔm] "to rain" (also the noun "rain"; yes, weather is often handled with stative verbs)

Perception verbs typically deal with the senses, though especially this class has some unexpected things and fun exceptions. The subject of a sentence containing them is actually unable to take the nominative case, mandating other marking to indicate reflexives or volition. Examples:

• tiptâ [tiptaː] "to learn"
• sunyu [suŋo] "to love" (considered an act of perception rather than a state! Many emotional states are handled this way)
• tkâranco [tkɐːrant͡su] "to sabotage" (one of the wilder ones, this one explained by semantic drift from "to deceive")
• mngôny [mŋɔːŋ] "to know"

Agreement and the Basic Tenses

Verbs mark for singular, paucal, and plural number and first, second, and third person. Here is a table of the basic endings:
https://preview.redd.it/ndrsdre6l40d1.png?width=800&format=png&auto=webp&s=0164ebde6d9c6657589ea6422de9ae1a512d6ce2
The basic past and future tenses are marked with suffixes -tûl- and -nqi- respectively, attaching before the person agreement (and in some cases here, though not many in this case, sound changes have eroded the original form). The basic stem of verbs is considered to be perfective. The imperfective is marked with what once was a simple reduplication of the onset and nucleus of the first syllable, though that relationship has been heavily obscured by sound changes in many verbs. I'll give a few examples of reduplicated stems from the verbs I listed above, as well as one more:

• memngôny- [memˈŋɔːŋ] IPFV-know
• kakllîng- [kakˈlɪːŋ] IPFV-hydrate
• hîyînû- [ˈxɪːjiːniː] IPFV-fight

These are relatively straightforward reduplicated stems, though that last does retain a /j/ lost in the original stem and each example here has a vowel that's unpredictable from the remaining stem. However, a lot worse is possible. For example:

• ti [ti] "to dream" > koti- [kuti] IPFV-dream

Câynqasang's sound changes make things weird sometimes.
I'll give a couple quick example sentences to show how this all works in context:
Mka mngônytûlvu nê cêh. [mka ˈmŋɔːŋtiːlvu neː t͡ʃɛːx] 1S.DAT know-PST-1S DEF.SPEC.P 3P "I always knew these things against my will". (Dative case here means unwilling.)
Vo amdî titkârancomdû i êlak. [vo amˈdiː titˈkɐːrant͡sumdiː i ˈɛːlak] INDEF.NSPEC 3S.INS IPFV-sabotage-3S DEF.SPEC airlock "Someone is sabotaging the airlock." (Here, the indefinite nonspecific article means this is an unknown party; if it was one of a known group of people doing this, definite nonspecific ve would take its place.)
Moving on.

Auxiliary Verbs, Tense, and Other Stuff

Câynqasang has an extensive set of auxiliary verbs that handle more complex tense, aspect, and mood in addition to negation and the passive voice. These are one of the areas where the differences between the formal and informal registers are most visible. I'll give the formal and then the informal forms:
Formal:
Main Auxiliary
https://preview.redd.it/8mivjgfpp40d1.png?width=1221&format=png&auto=webp&s=c7782643b3a8aa68519a94eda8ff3601295d910e
Negative Auxiliary
https://preview.redd.it/1hzmiy7tp40d1.png?width=1228&format=png&auto=webp&s=c74a5edcb34618b5c3da140763f07a72acd557e6
Passive Auxiliary
https://preview.redd.it/0atqspxwp40d1.png?width=1228&format=png&auto=webp&s=a8b8696f3d3996766dd49ef7c5f563907b9ae6bd
Main auxiliary (informal)
https://preview.redd.it/xmuvwfe0q40d1.png?width=1236&format=png&auto=webp&s=a705b0c340c5acfe2fd4d1d43daade0e75379348
Negative auxiliary (informal)
https://preview.redd.it/oglmiic2q40d1.png?width=1222&format=png&auto=webp&s=b6675c0f29082e79d2559c84bdd50e2803bede1b
Passive auxiliary (informal)
https://preview.redd.it/ssxjxya4q40d1.png?width=1211&format=png&auto=webp&s=651ad5fa11c313b54bc485c6b5a0a73ac6341044
Note the additional degree of fusion in the informal register, and the reduction of some syllables such that none of the informal register forms are more than disyllabic.
In constructions, these precede the lexical verb, and the lexical verb takes a participle or a converb. Again, couple of example sentences:
No ôngsa sîtêla no, nang ôngsa vînray kîvrongtadêv nê cêh. [no ˈɔːŋsa ˈʃɪːteːla no, nɐŋ ˈɔːŋsa ˈvɪːnraj ˈkɪːvruŋtadeːv neː t͡ʃɛːx] 2P.DAT NEG.2P see-CONV.GEN 2P.DAT 2P.INS NEG.2P HORT confirm-PTCP DEF.SPEC.P 3P "Not having seen these things for yourselves, you ought not to confirm them."
This example has one clause that uses a converb with the negative auxiliary and one that uses the present participle with the hortative form of the negative auxiliary, in the formal register this two-part ôngsa vînray situation. Another example:
Ye i côl sanqe kamesîtêl, yâkînghê ola lamnyunqicêh, [je i t͡sɔːl saˈɴe kameˈʃɪːteːl ˈjɐːkiːŋxeː uˈla lamŋuɴiˈt͡ʃɛːx] And DEF.SPEC 3P.GEN PERF.3P happen-CONV.GEN soul-P 1P.GEN peaceful-FUT.3P "And having felt all of these things come to pass, our souls will know peace,"
The broader work I pulled this from uses the informal register just about exclusively despite some of its other formatting. This example here includes a converb clause with an auxiliary.
So, that's a quick and dirty overview of verbs in Câynqasang, Sometime in the future I'll dive into converbs, relativization, derivational morphology, or some other feature of the language, or maybe I'll get more specific about the lexicon or about some of the uses of a feature I've already covered. Thanks for reading!

So I was diagnosed at ~ 7 years old and throughout my life, at least that I can remember, sometimes this weird thing happen where right before I fall asleep, I hear the voice of someone close to me, speak to me.
Example: I mostly hear my mom or dad, especially on the day where I’ve been with them. They are like saying full sentences in my head and I hear them like they’re right next to me. And they don’t even say that they say on the day I was with them. So like ab 5 mins ago I heard “alright let’s go” or something like that, along those lines. I was with him earlier today and he never said that or anything similar to that.
So I just wanted to know if it’s an adhd or if any adhd’ers also experience

In memory of Leslie Shay
10 years ago, on May 13, 2014, Leslie Shay (played by Lauren German), the fan-favorite character of the NBC studio's series Chicago Fire, died in the finale of the second season. True, viewers only learned about this when the third season started. The death of the character was followed by an uproar from the audience, the popularity of the series (which had been on the rise until then) and the number of viewers decreased, because many people stopped watching the series due to Shay's death, including the author of this post (I reached the end of the third season). Due to the anniversary, I started researching on the Internet to better understand why Shay's character was destined for this fate, and using quite a few references and also abundant with spoilers, I will share with everyone what I came up with in this post. I will also write my own opinion.
(I apologize for any grammatical errors, I did not write the post in English and I created the English version with the help of Google Translate)
Shay's character probably doesn't need to be introduced to anyone, but if you do, this link nicely summarizes why everyone loved her so much.
https://screenrant.com/chicago-fire-leslie-shay-lauren-german-best-traits-facts-trivia/
When I started researching the topic, I read that despite the fact that Chicago Fire is already in its 13th season, Shay remains one of the most loved and most missed characters to this day. However, later, when I wrote the post, I could not find the source again, if anyone can send a link to this topic, please do so.
It is clear that if the series loses such a popular character, it will have an impact and will shake the viewers. Well, it turns out, more than anything in the show's 13 seasons. I found a lot of sources to prove this:
1)
People's Choice Awards, USA, 2015 / Favorite TV Character We Miss Most
In the above category, Shay made it to the top 5, which no one else did later.
https://www.imdb.com/event/ev0000530/2015/1?ref_=nmawd_ev_1
2)
Most shocking TV deaths of all time
https://tvline.com/lists/shocking-tv-deaths/leslie-shay-chicago-fire/
Shay is also included in the top 100 list above, as well as two other characters from the entire One Chicago franchise, Elias Koteas as Alvin Olinsky and Yuri Sardarov as Otis. Thus, Shay was on a list with the likes of Teri Bauer (24), Lance Sweets (Bones), Bobby Ewing (Dallas) or Ned Stark (GoT)
3)
And this is what ChatGPT answered when it was asked which of the characters in Chicago Fire had the most heartbreaking death (short quote from the answer):
"The most heartbreaking character death was definitely Leslie Shay. Oh, it was gut-wrenching! Shay, played by the incredibly talented Lauren German, was such a beloved and integral member of Firehouse 51....."
https://onechicagocenter.com/2023/07/24/heartbreaking-chicago-fire-death-according-ai-not-otisi/
4)
If I use the Google Search service, the answer to this search will also be Shay:
Question: "chicago fire most heartbreaking death"
Answer: "Leslie Shay died in a fire"
Searching the internet, it became clear to me that it wasn't just Shay's death that shocked viewers, but also the fact that the show's creators made the decision to get rid of Shay's character. This decision raised many questions and problems, which I will go through below. There are a lot of posts and articles on the internet about why Lauren German left the series, but in fact they were all based on a single, otherwise amazingly short interview that was made with Matt Olmstead. I found this at this link:
https://tvline.com/interviews/lauren-german-leaving-chicago-fire-shay-killed-off-549958/
If anyone has seen or read other interviews or other information, please share them.
I read a lot of comments under the link above, and I would like to thank everyone for expressing their opinions there. I read a lot of things in the comments that I didn't even think of at first, but it's good that they brought them to my attention, because I completely agreed with them.

1. The creators of the series killed off the third female character in 2 seasons, who was also one of the main characters.
2. Killing a character directly just for the sake of dramatic effect is already quite a boring solution
3. Olmstead praised Lauren German's talent a lot in the interview, but then why didn't the producers try to keep the actress?
4. Olmstead stated that there will be no flashbacks involving Shay. But in the first episode there were 4 (from Severide, Dawson and Boden)
5. The LGBT community also received a slap in the face, as an openly lesbian character was killed off. This is also a solution that has been seen many times and is boring.
6. Shay and Severide's relationship was one of the prominent aspects of the series, which made it worth watching, in fact, according to many, it was such a novel and well-constructed thread that the creators of the series were praised for this. After Shay's death, without the dynamism of their relationship, the series became boring.
7. Opinions also suggested that perhaps the goal was to attract the right target audience with Shay's lesbian character, but they no longer wanted to retain this group of viewers, so it was a harsh decision made from a business point of view by the creators
8. Olmstead defended the decision by saying that they could bring more and more storylines into the series, while without Shay's character, the exact opposite was true.
9. He also claimed that all the characters were assessed on equal footing when the decision was made. In comparison, they immediately replaced Shay with a new character who looked like her, was not a lesbian like Shay, and was 10 years younger. Because Lauren German was born in 1978, Kara Killmer in 1988. The message of this change was extremely bad in the eyes of the viewers
10. There was a commenter who suggested that the change was made so that the new character could be romantically involved with one of the male characters, and this actually happened during the third season when Brett and Cruz got together
11. If the purpose of Shay's death was to show how unpredictable life is, they should have paid much more attention to the details. The first part of the third season is full of mistakes and unrealistic solutions
12. It is strange that the interview only mentions in a few sentences what Lauren said to the fact that the creators of the series essentially fired her. In connection with this, it occurred to me that something else could have been behind the decision, which was never made public, but of course this is just a hunch.
13. As far as I know, Lauren German was the only main character in the history of Chicago Fire who did not leave the series by her own decision

There were many other strange things about Shay's death that could be found by searching the internet. I will also go through these in order.
A)
Let's return briefly to the fact that the popularity of the series decreased during the third season. This can be checked here
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicago_(franchise))
Based on this, it can be definitely stated that whoever made this decision, for whatever reason, caused damage to the series.
The data:
First season, ranking 51, number of viewers 7.78M
Second season, ranking 31, number of viewers 9.70M
Third season, ranking 47, number of viewers 9.65M
The first season brought good numbers, and it can be seen from the data that its popularity increased for the next season. However, the ranking of the series dropped almost to the initial level by the third season, and although the number of viewers did not decrease so significantly, the reason for this is probably that, in addition to the viewers who left, there were still those who only joined at that time. Another interesting fact is that the third season is the only one where Dick Wolf is mentioned as showrunner. It is possible that during the third season he wanted to be more involved in the development of the story, and it was his decision to pull something unexpected in the series, so Shay's death is due to him. Here is a show-like interview with the whole team, in which I found it strange that Dick Wolf was given the central place on the stage.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2tCrma7t5o&t=2s
It was as if they suggested that he was the most important person. It can be imagined that he always had the final say in making decisions. As a counter-example, I saw an interview with the actors of The Avengers, where one of the directors was present, and the Russo brother remained nicely in the background, since everyone was interested in the actors, Iron Man, and Thor, etc. However, this was not the case in this interview. Obviously, I'm not a behavioral researcher, so I can't draw important conclusions from a single interview.
Of course, it is also easy to imagine that the writing team made an independent decision, but did not count on how much the omission of Shay's character would turn fans away from the series. Thus, Dick Wolf was the savior when he was forced to intervene personally in shaping the story to mitigate the damage. Of course, it is also possible that these events and what I wrote about the video above have absolutely nothing to do with each other.
B)
It's also strange how many storylines with negative outcomes were connected to Shay's character during the first 2 seasons. She was seriously injured several times (the ambulance accident in the first season, the hospital bombing in the second season), and she went through several crises in her personal life. Her first love, Clarice, left her, and months later she broke Shay's heart a second time. Devon tricked and robbed her. When Severide and Shay wanted a baby, she failed to conceive. A patient of her, Daryl, whom she sympathized with, committed suicide in front of her eyes, and Shay also fell into depression after that, while her paramedic partner and friend, Dawson, did not care about Shay's mental breakdown at all. During the two seasons, she was almost hit by a car, almost shot, stabbed with a syringe, which could have been contagious, and there must have been other cases that I left out of the list. Then came the third season, where basically the firefighters who were inside a huge explosion were not hurt at all, while Shay, who was on the ground floor of the building, died in this explosion. On the part of the writers, this amount of negativism was perhaps already excessive and quite unrealistic (like the case of Doctor Romano in ER, who was hit by the helicopter). It's like the creators didn't really like the character, or didn't want to do anything with her other than build viewers' empathy / sympathy for Shay so they could switch it to a dramatic twist when the time was right. But that's the opposite of good storytelling in my view. My opinion is that the reason for Shay's popularity is not to be found in the "grateful" storylines written for her, because we will find it only and exclusively in the fantastic performance of Lauren German
C)
It's very strange that Leslie Shay was a main character in the first 2 seasons, but if you look at the Instagram page of the series (more specifically, the entire One Chicago franchise), you can see that Shay's character received very little attention.
https://www.instagram.com/nbconechicago/
At the time of writing this post, there were 3588 posts on the site. I took the trouble to check if my hunch was right and scrolled through to the posts about the first 3 seasons.
Number of pictures where Shay is clearly visible among many people in a group picture: 15
Number of photos where Shay is with 1-2 other people: 27
Number of photos featuring only Shay: 6
Yes, I didn't write a bad number, among 3588 pictures a total of 6 individual photos were given to one of the main characters of the first 2 seasons of the series, perhaps the most popular character of the series to date. Although Lauren German is a famously reclusive actress, she even has more selfies on her Instagram than that
D)
It's also very strange that in the third season they introduced a storyline that says Shay's death was caused by arson. Unfortunately, the execution of all this was extremely clumsy and illogical for me. It was already revealed during the first 2 seasons that Shay's parents are divorced, they live in two separate cities, and that she has no sisters. You could tell this from the fact that when Severide and Shay talked about who would take care of their baby if something happened to both of them, Dawson's name immediately came up. It's illogical that Shay wouldn't have said her sister. In fact, the whole thread felt more like a readjusting to placate fans who would channel their frustration and anger over Shay's death onto the arsonist in the story - instead of the show's writers.
E)
It occurred to me that maybe Lauren's relationship with her colleagues was not good, and for the sake of peace, the creators got rid of the character. This suggestion is probably the furthest from reality, I have a lot of hits that prove that Lauren maintained a very good relationship with her co-stars even later. Here are some examples of this
Trees R fun
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/-rn0w-CTv-0
Shayveride back together
https://twitter.com/TaylorKinneyARG/status/1128137229577216000
S03 E14
https://hu.pinterest.com/pin/2814818493493352/
https://hu.pinterest.com/pin/630785491553579592/
From Lauren's Insta
https://www.instagram.com/p/BlRQVXqgxqP/
https://www.instagram.com/p/BWZMBislmnE/
https://www.instagram.com/p/_50dHgFijd/
https://chicago.suntimes.com/2014/10/15/18477177/chicago-fire-if-anyone-can-saveseveride-it-s-casey
In real life, Kinney is grieving the loss of his costar, too.
"I miss her like crazy," he said about Lauren German. "She was a great scene partner. Great actor. Someone to work with and someone to confide in. It was an honest relationship. We hung out off the stages, too. I didn’t take that too easy.”
F)
It's also interesting that I've been able to find almost nothing online about what Lauren thought about what happened to Leslie Shay's character. What we do know from Matt Olmstead's interview is that she joked that she wasn’t going to miss the Chicago winters (she’s a California girl). Other than that, this is the only reaction from Lauren that can still be found, it's completely professional and polite, and perhaps it's no coincidence that she thanked the fans the most for their support
https://cartermatt.com/133627/chicago-fire-season-3-lauren-german-speaks-shay-premiere-shocke
"Hello beautiful people! I want to say thank you to NBC, Dick Wolf and the entire team for letting me be a part of such an amazing experience. I have to say I've never been around a more gifted, special, heartfelt, funny and loving cast and crew as with the CF gang. The show gave me so many priceless gifts. I'm forever grateful. I mostly want to thank the fans for their support and love on this journey. You all are so beautiful. It was a great honor to portray Shay. I love her: her spirit, her flaws, her honesty. And most of all she brought me the most genuine & meaningful interactions with you all, the fans, & my heart swells with gratitude. Thank you, thank you! So much love to you all.”
In regards to the oddities above, I can even imagine that Lauren's agent or agents had a hard time agreeing on a possible contract extension, and because of this, the creators preferred to get rid of the character of Shay. If that was the case, we will never know. However, if the decision-making really took place in the way and according to the criteria as stated in the Matt Olmstead interview, then it can be seen in retrospect that this was an extremely bad decision by the studio and that the writing team made a huge mistake
I am slowly coming to the end of my research, but before that I would like to discuss the mistakes that the writers made in the first part of the third season - perhaps these mistakes could indicate that they were very hasty during the implementation, or that they did not think through at all how to put together such an episode well. When an average viewer saw this episode for the first time, the shock was guaranteed by it (believe me, it HITS HARD), in this way the creators achieved their goal, but it was enough later to think about what happened, and the shock was already replaced by completely legitimate indignation of the viewing public.
Regarding the mistakes, for the sake of fairness, I also have to say that I consider 4 things to be extremely outstanding from the first 2 seasons of the series:
1)
The visual implementation of the series was amazingly fantastic, as if you were watching a 45-minute movie, and it still stands today. I don't know if this changed after the third season, but I assume not, since the series is still active today
2)
Atli Örvarsson's music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ABsDFMJr2E&list=PLXT2pBWM8DxfN4znwe3esSqg4LtBzlQz8
3)
The actors Jesse Spencer, Taylor Kinney, Monica Raymund, Lauren German, Charlie Barnett, David Eigenberg, Eamonn Walker, Joe Minoso, Yuriy Sardarov, Christian Stolte were all fantastic in their roles
4)
The writers did something really brilliant when they built Severide and Shay's relationship. The way these two people moved mountains just out of love as a friend to help the other was simply wonderful. The relationship between the two of them was central to the show, which is why it was so painful and infuriating at the same time that the writers didn't think it was important enough to keep it going after 2 seasons. So I didn't consider the series important enough to continue watching after the third season either, or to start anything else from the One Chicago group.
Mistakes in S03 E01:
Devon's character:

• In the last 2 episodes of the second season, it was revealed that Devon might not be as a bad person as we thought. The writers hinted at the possibility that maybe Shay could finally find her happiness with her. Whether Devon had really changed, whether she was telling the truth, was never revealed after Shay's death.

Shay's death:

• Why didn't the paramedics wear helmets when they entered a potentially dangerous building? In other episodes, the characters paid attention to this, but here they generously forgot about it
• During the first flashback, we saw that they started to treat an injured person. When the explosion occurred and Shay was lying on the ground, the injured person was disappeared.
• The firefighter (played by Preston James Hillier) who ran into the building before the explosion also disappeared
• In the flashback, we saw that Dawson was thrown backwards by the shock wave of the explosion before the ceiling collapsed. Shay, on the other hand, sat still, unaffected by the shock wave
• The firefighting team was in the middle of the explosion, the only injury in comparison was a broken leg. Andy Darden died instantly in the Pilot episode, according to the script, when a house fire started in a similar way.
• Shay's CPR was interrupted to take her to the ambulance. At the same time, the one who could have taken care of her was Dawson, who was next to her, and Shay herself, maybe even Mills, who had a broken leg. So why was it important to take Shay to the ambulance, if not because it gave the scene a dramatic, albeit illogical, ending?
• Several people (e.g. Cruz, Otis) in the episode did not behave like those who recently lost a friend, and this could not be the fault of the actors, but rather of the script. The situation was similarly strange in the Pilot episode after Darden's death
• Shay said that she has a good relationship with her parents, so it's very strange that they didn't apply for Shay's things, but Casey and Severide collected them a month and a half after Shay's death. Not to mention the later invented sister
• When Severide looked at a photo of Shay before playing the video, it can be seen that the creators did not bother to take a real photo, but instead used a screenshot from the first season.
• It's quite unlikely that Dawson would pick up a diary a month and a half later that still had Shay's signature on it, and the signatures were completely different

Again, in the interest of fairness, Severide's flashbacks, Severide and Shay's video were flawless. Just like the gesture of putting Shay's name on the ambulance door in the middle of the season was a great idea from the writers
Final thoughts:
This is how far I've come in my research. Unfortunately, I didn't find any reassuring answers, only strange things. If there was something else in the background why Shay's character had to die, it will probably never be revealed. If the whole truth was told in the Matt Olmstead interview, then in my opinion the creators of Chicago Fire made the biggest mistake of their lives by firing Lauren and letting the Shayveride friendship vanish. Plus, Leslie Shay's character didn't deserve such fate. Anyway, the first 2 seasons were a fantastic experience for me.
Although Lauren couldn't have known it at the time, she was doing very well, because after being unemployed, she auditioned for the role of Chloe Decker in the series Lucifer. Here she joined the team that involved Tom Ellis, Kevin Alejandro, D.B. Woodside, Lesley-Ann Brandt, Rachael Harris, Scarlett Estevez, and later Aimee Garcia, Tricia Helfer, Tom Welling, Inbar Lavi, Rebecca De Mornay, Dennis Haysbert and Brianna Hildebrand. The rest, as they say, is history. Lucifer was the biggest series of 2021 by racking a whopping 18.3 billion minutes of streaming across the year making the series the most-streamed show not just on Netflix, but among the entire crop of streaming originals. Lucifer was voted the best fantasy series of 2021 also, and Lauren German became very, very worldwide-famous.
https://netflixlife.com/2022/01/26/lucifer-best-netflix-show-2021/
After Lucifer ended, Lauren retired from acting, making her last appearance in November 2023 at an event in Chicago, the Heaven and Hell Convention. Here, of course, she was hilarious again, or to put it stylistically, funny as hell, and she simply proved why she was the actress who played Leslie Shay back then
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=um_hcX4FkfM
https://www.instagram.com/p/CzHxlcMqM3
Here are a few links at the end
My favorite fan video commemorating the Shayveride friendship
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjS1LmJgCIo
Others have written their opinions before me on the Leslie Shay topic, e.g. a great post
https://www.thetvaddict.com/2014/09/29/did-chicago-fire-kill-off-the-wrong-characte
A little fun
https://www.tiktok.com/@chicagofires/video/7255400196711107886
Still a little fun
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vZOsrSHql0
Thank you for reading through!
PJ
(this post is free to use and redistribute, but please at least credit the source! Thanks)
Do You remember Leslie Shay?
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Hi,
I’m nervous to even write, I’ve been here for about a year now reading posts. I’m not yet officially diagnosed but it seems like that’s the next step. One I’ve been avoiding. My therapist wants to discuss it. I’m 32 (although I thought I was 34 the other day) F married. Since learning about DID last year I’ve been on a bit of a rollercoaster. I got interested in learning about it, maybe a bit too interested, I’d have times ‘I’d’ slam the laptop shut then have to call my husband and ask him to convince me it’s not that, ‘surely it can’t be that?!’. Now I feel like I’m able to talk about it, I don’t have such strong denial, but I do often feel I’m faking it and maybe just convinced myself. I’m not here to try and diagnose I just wanted to ask about this ‘thing’ I’ve been experiencing and if anyone has had similar…
I thought they were panic attacks. But they aren’t panic attacks. They do make me feel very unsafe but I’ve had two or three full blown ER panic attacks and they aren’t the same. It started happening I believe after my therapist attempted EMDR and when we started discussing ‘alters’. During the EMDR I was just trying to find a ‘safe space’ for grounding, we didn’t touch any trauma yet. She asked me to ‘ask ‘her’ if we can relax’ and that kind of sent me spiralling. I felt like more than one person and had some intense conversations in my mind to ‘look and act normal’. I didn’t feel well for days after. I also suffered an ‘episode’ let’s call it. These episodes are now happening often and I’ve been to an ENT about my extreme tinnitus, mentioned my very bad memory and what’s been happening and he wants me to see a neurologist. During the episodes I get stuck on a sentence like a broken record repeating non stop and then I get hot sensations in my body and I have to quickly find a smaller safer space like a toilet. Sometimes my vision goes blurry (eyes tested all fine).There is often lots of different voices in my head and I’m trying to stay calm. I get extremely hot and my stomach flips. I sometimes feel extremely tall or very frightened. My body feels like it wants to spasm. I sometimes shake my leg to try and get the feeling out. I’ve read about Auras in epilepsy and they seem to be like that. I get quite unbalanced as well and bright lights affect me during. I go home after and sleep for a few hours - my body is exhausted by them. The places these episodes happen: driving (I’ve now stopped completely), the mall, the cinema, supermarkets, busy cafes. I’ve also noticed they can feel like they are coming on when I have to look someone in the eye for long periods that aren’t my close friends or husband. I get a lot of ‘look normal and listen’ chatter in my head. The annoying thing is hearing ‘listen!’ from my head rather than actually being able to then concentrate on what is being said.
To anyone having seizures - did they start anything like this? I’m worried they are getting more frequent and worse each time. My world is getting smaller. I’ll go see a neurologist soon.
To note. I’m already diagnosed with BPD, anxiety disorder, adhd, even had bipolar 2 at one point, the list never seems to end but never seems to really fit either.
Thank you for any insights

"Wade! Good to see you back buddy!" Nathan said aloud as he and F approached Wade and Tina, the two breaking their embrace before looking to their friends.
Wade chuckled a bit as he responded to Nathan's greeting, Tina giving a pleasant smile as she stood behind him. "Same to you, man. How're things here?"
"Better than any words I could use for the situation!" Looking behind him, he gazed at a group of the worker drones that were rescued from the factory, having been brought aboard in order to transport them to a safer location. Their faces were of varied gratefulness and smiles as they made conversation with some of the troops onboard. "The rescue-ees are happy to be out of that place, far as I can tell!"
"They sure look like it." Wade said with a pleased smile, admiring the success of his and the Coalition's efforts as Nathan's friend Kurtis came over to the four.
Catching sight of Tina, the veteran drone gave a sly look as he correctly guessed the identity of Wade's accomplice. "Oh, and I see you found your girl you were telling me about."
The drone in question gave a blush of embarrassment as Wade held her hand, chuckling smugly as he introduced Tina. "Ah, yeah. Nathan, Kurtis, F, this is my girlfriend Tina. She's one of the best pilots I've met and known in my life, along with her sister Jasmine."
Tina's blush intensified heavily at Wade's words, a laugh breaching her mouth as she spoke to Wade's colleagues. "Well, I don't like to boast, but my sister and I DID fly for the military a while back."
Nathan and Kurtis gave impressed laughs as F chuckled at the amusing meeting, the former of the duo speaking as he shook Tina's hand. "Heh, well it's a proud pleasure to meet you, Miss Tina! You've got quite the partner with you, I'd say. He helped save F and Gerard from an accident during our time on Ceres."
Tina raised a hand to her mouth in shock as she looked to Wade, surprised by the news of his heroics at his new job before chuckling. "Well, it's not too surprising, I'd probably be dead if he didn't come in to help us." Remembering that F was involved in her rescue too, she glanced to the disassembly drone before quietly adding, "You too, darling."
F gave a thankful smile at the pilot drone as Wade spoke up on Tina's statement on her rescue. "Well, I'd also be done for if you didn't save me back there, with that disassembly drone squad." Tina nodded as Nathan looked to the drone couple in surprise at their stated feat.
"More of them? How many? Three? Fo-" The miner drone asked as Wade answered him mid-sentence.
"Three, and they put up a nasty fight. One almost got me before Tina shot at her with one of those guns these militia guys brought. A trooper must've dropped it during the fighting." Nathan gave an uncomfortable look of shock as Wade added, "One of them looked kinda like you too."
Tina pulled out her gun before holding it at attention, Nathan nodding in admiration of her efforts as she spoke up. "Think I could keep this one? We pilots usually carry sidearms like these, but I lost mine when they kidnapped me aboard the station in orbit."
Nathan and Kurtis looked to each other before nodding in agreement. "Sure, gonna need a holster though. Wouldn't want it to fall out that nice coat there, would we?" While Nathan gave his answer, Kurtis was already heading to the storage bays at the back of the ship, planning on grabbing the sizable holster wrap for Tina's weapon.
"Of course." Tina replied as Kurtis grabbed the desired gear, shutting the cargo door as he returned to the group. Taking the holster in her hand, she handed the pistol to Wade before speaking in between her efforts to attach the holster to her upper leg. "Thanks for the compliment, by the way."
"Don't mention it." Nathan replied back as F stepped up in between the group, wanting to add her own praise as the group looked to her.
"Glad to see so many together in arms here, especially when it's work colleagues like the boys here." Looking to Tina, she continued. "And Nathan's right, Miss Tina. Your partner is quite the guy, I'm a little surprised he didn't join the service. Him and his brother would've made great men if they fought in the ranks."
The positive air was quickly shattered upon the mention of Ron. Nathan, Wade, and the others all looked to F as her eyes became golden rings, the warrior drone realizing her mistake too late as she began to raise a hand to her face.
"...Yeah. Yes, we sure would have." Wade said solemnly, nodding lightly with a slight smile in his attempt to lighten the comment and, in turn, the mood. His smile faltered once again as he saw the others still frowning in sorrow, Wade joining them shortly after before remembering something. "Uh... Nathan? You did bring his body back here, right?"
Nathan nodded hesitantly as he glanced to the cargo bays at the back of the ship. "Yeah, I uh... We put him near the others we managed to recover before we left."
Tina listened with concerned eyes as she held tightly onto Wade's hand, the former worker drone tightening his own grip while speaking further to Nathan. "Good. Maybe, after this is all over, we can... Make preparations for a service. Ron deserves that at the least."
"So... h-he's in one of... those?" Tina asked dreadfully, observing the body bags lying next to each other in front of one of the cargo bay doors before looking back to Nathan, who looked down at the floor before replying.
"...Yep." Initially, Tina started to move, morbidly concerned over Ron's exact fate before stopping herself, still holding Wade's hand as she stood next to him again. Catching a glimpse of her attempt to see Ron, Nathan raised a digital eyebrow at her. "You, uh... want to see him?"
Wade looked down to Tina, who returned the gesture as they pondered over the uncomforting idea. She admittedly didn't want to see Ron, fearful of seeing what was left of him after that battle, but in a twisted way, knowing Wade wouldn't lie to her about a close relative like Ron being dead, she desperately felt the need for even the slightest sense of closure.
Looking to each other, Tina finally built her strength up, giving the faintest nod to Wade as her answer. Accepting her willingness, Wade slowly looked to Nathan, who needed no further gestures or words as he slowly walked over to the body bags, Wade, Tina, and their colleagues in tow. Upon reaching the bags, Nathan knelt down as his friends stopped behind him, Wade and Tina watching as he slowly unzipped the bag open. Despite her effort to be brave, Tina couldn't help but let out a horrified gasp upon seeing Ron's body, immediately noticing the large wound with dark, dried blood at his chest.
Nathan shook his head in dismay as he looked upon the sight of his fallen friend in the flayed bag. "It was when we made our second attempt in raiding the factory back there. We... We managed to pass through most of the halls without much trouble, but... we we're ambushed as we got close to the conversion room."
"G, the disassembly drone that helped the company abduct me, attacked us, along with several other troopers he brought with him." Wade added, him and Tina holding each other tightly as he continued. "We fought them off well enough, but G got an upper hand on me. He almost killed me, but.... Ron got in the way." Tina felt herself beginning to cry as she collapsed into Wade's chest, the former worker drone embracing her ever more tightly as she wept for their friend.
F shook her head in dismay, disappointed in herself as she spoke up. "I could've saved him, if I hadn't let myself get beat down like that. I-"
"F!" Wade said sternly, F ceasing her self-degrading as he tried to ease her guilt. "We did the best we could. If anything, it could've gone a lot worse."
Kurtis patted F on her back as he spoke up on his co-worker. "He was a good man, tried to bring out the best in people. Taught Wade that ideal well, too." He looked to Wade with a smile, the drone taking the compliment with the same gesture as he lightly patted Tina on her back too.
"*sniff* Y-Yes... He d-did try to make life brighter with his actions." Tina croaked as she slowly lifted her head up off of Wade, wiping the digital drops off her face as she added, "He... Him and Wade did well to so many with their farm they had back home, Jasmine and I helped transport their harvests all across the colonies."
The group gave looks and nods of admiration at the labor Tina described, Wade nodding in affirmation as he added, "Yeah, we held that place up for a long while. But if it weren't for the recent storms that ran through this place, we probably would still be farming." He began to chuckle slightly as he noted the events after the storm. "Heh, then again, we probably wouldn't have gone to Ceres if that was the case. So, I'm quite glad life changed our course on that endeavor."
Nathan was about to speak on the matter, but was stopped as Kelly walked out of the cockpit area, speaking to Wade specifically. "Mr. Wade? Our operative and her boss wants to see you and some of your team, says it's about the trouble you and the others went through."
Wade and Tina looked to each other with raised eyebrows before looking to their friends, F raising a hand as she spoke to the couple. "Well, you heard her. Let's get up there." Looking to Nathan, she motioned for him to follow her before glancing to Kurtis, who nodded to her before kneeling down to seal Ron's body bag.
Turning back to Wade and Tina, F smirked at them as they quickly made their way up to the small bridge of the ship, Tina speaking to Wade about the interior and where to go. "I do remember these ships a bit, now that I think about it. There should be a smaller room at the top above us. Come on."
Holding her hand, Wade and Tina made their way into the cockpit, F and Nathan close behind as the four walked up the small steps to the pilot seats. Right next to the ascending steps were another set of such steps, albeit going the other way into another room as Tina mentioned. The lover drones walked up the second set of steps as they entered the room, catching the sound of a conversation in their ears.
"Yeah Tess, they did a number on the security forces from what I've been told by Mr. Kurtis. He seems quite pro-" J stopped as she heard a startled gasp coming from the entrance near the cockpit, spotting her requested visitors as they took notice of her.
Wade, however, was immediately in shock, Tina also spooked by the familiar face as her love drew a sword before holding it out defensively. F and Nathan looked to the two in surprise as the former raised her arms slightly as to calm down Wade, knowing this J wasn't an enemy.
"Whoa there, easy now." The human hologram said with her hands raised as Wade and Tina gave a faint glare at J, who stared unamused with her hands to her hips.
Easy, Mr. Wade. I'm a friend." J stated as Wade kept his blade trained at her.
"Didn't we just kill you out there earlier?" Tina asked as she held onto Wade's arm, J smirking as she took in the amusing detail.
"Oh, yes. I believe you must've taken out one of my clones, not surprised. I killed a few myself back there." The corporate drone replied as Wade lowered his sword, surprised at J's words as she looked to him.
"Clones?" Tina said in bewilderment, confounded by the idea of multiples of the same drone running around.
"So, there's more of you?" Wade asked as he swapped his sword back for a hand.
"Indeed there are, Mr. Wade. Effective disassembly drones get cloned more often." J answered as she cringed slightly, remembering part of the reason she ended up here. "Though, admittedly I wasn't efficient enough recently. I'm a clone of one of the old units dispatched about two decades ago, before the Disassembly Division was officially instated."
Tina raised an eyebrow at J's explanation. "Recently? If you were away all that time, what could've possibly stopped you now?"
The murder drone groaned in slight annoyance as she reluctantly explained her answer. "Well, the colony we were supposedly sent to wipe out was quite persistent. During one of our raids, some brat with a ray gun blasted me in two." Regaining her composure, J flicked her hair with a smirk. "Then again, my clones should be better than they are, the Administrator seems to have a dislike towards me, as far as I can tell."
Wade and Tina glanced at each other as they took in the news, perplexed at the story they were hearing as the former spoke up. "Well, I sure hope so. Your clone didn't put up as much of a fight as I was expecting."
"Right..." J said with a look of disappointment before clearing her throat. "But besides that, we don't have time for THAT kind of backstory. We've got a lot of talk to do, Mr. Wade."
The holographic human raised a finger, drawing Wade and Tina's attention as she spoke. "Say, didn't J tell me about a human friend you had? A 'brother' guy?"
J nodded as she now also became curious over their missing acquaintant. "Ah yes, Ron, I believe. Do you know where he is, Wade?"
The two drones looked down in sorrow as Wade answered in dismay. "He uh... he didn't make it."
J allowed a concerned look to breach her shield of confident pride as her human friend spoke up, sounding sad at the news. "Oh, I uh, I'm sorry to hear that, Mr. W- er... Carter."
"It's alright," Wade replied as he held Tina's hand, looking up to J and the hologram before continuing. "at least he's not hurting anymore."
"My... condolences, Mr. Carter." J said, calling Wade by his last name now as she recovered from the tragic news. "But, it seems you've found someone else important. Who's your friend?"
Wade perked up a bit as he prepared to introduce Tina again. "Ah, yes. This is Tina Fowley, my girlfriend. She was among those captured by the company, I got her out before they could turn her, however."
"She's a pilot too." Nathan chirped from behind Wade, J and her boss stifling laughs as they took in the amusing description of Wade's partner.
"Well, she's quite the cutie, I'll say." The holo-human said in amusement, Tina blushing at the compliment as J spoke as well.
"Indeed she is, good find, Mr. Carter." Chuckling to herself, she remembered that she hadn't even formally met Wade earlier, prompting her to return the effort. "Well, now's as good a time as any to introduce ourselves." Looking to the hologram, J spoke. "Though you probably know who I am, name's J. And this is my boss, Tessa."
Looking to the human girl with a pleasant smile, he spoke to her. "Well, pleased to meet you, Mrs. Tessa."
"Good to meet ya too, Wade!" Tessa replied energetically before bringing herself back to a more serious stance, Wade and Tina feeling a bit surprised by the change of air as she spoke further. "And as much as I hate to cut the pleasantries so short, J and I have some important things to brief you on. So, take a seat and get comfy, everyone."
Noting the pair of chairs in front of the small table J and Tessa were standing on the other side of, the couple took them as Nathan and F stood behind them, simply listening in as J began to explain the matter at hand. "So, you both are probably wondering what this whole mess was all about, correct?"
The two drones nodded as Tina spoke up. "I heard it was having to do something with being recruited for the Disassembly Division, that group you spoke of a second ago. Why did they need to steal me away from my sister up there?"
"Well, the thing is, they didn't." Tessa answered, putting her hands to her hips as her companion explained further.
"Indeed, a simple memory transfer and body scan would've sufficed, but it seems the Administrator was in a bit of a rush." Crossing her arms, J continued in disgruntlement. "From what we gathered, this was done by her as per request by the company CEO, Mr. Jenson. He wanted the Administrator to recruit more drones under a new model of disassembly drone, with slight upgrades that would presumably remove most of the persistent issues each of us have." Shaking her head in disappointment, J finished with, "But, it's clear she cared little for how they were acquired, and way too far overboard with her efforts."
Wade held back his anger as he felt his certainty on the ones responsible grow with J's explanation. "So, it's true? Your people did all this? Got my brother and countless others killed for us?"
The corporate drone seemed to give a sluggish wave of her hand as she replied to Wade. "Well, you see, this whole ordeal is much more complex than it seems." Readying a holo-projector from her hand as it showed the image of a worker drone, dressed in a maid uniform. The hair was silver, two strips of it going down the sides of its head, as well as bearing a bow at the top of it all. Though the hologram made it hard to tell certain details, the drone's eyes appeared faintly as yellow through the blue hue from the hologram light.
Wade, Tina, and their companions eyed the seemingly innocent worker drone in puzzlement as J spoke again. "Now, you should count yourselves lucky, cause what I'm about to tell you is something corporate wouldn't let me spew out to anyone under certain statuses." Looking to Tessa, she continued with a sly smirk. "Then again, it'd probably be forced out of us anyway later on even if we didn't decide to tell you. So, now would be the best time to give you a run-down of the truth we have to share."
"Truth?" Wade asked with a raised hand, J nodding in affirmation before replying.
"Yes." Clearing her throat, J began. "You see, the Administrator was not a creation of JCJenson. At least, not in the way they intended. In fact, she was once a normal worker drone, just like you and I were." Wade raised an eyebrow as J's holo-projector shifted to show a building, a large, very old looking manor that went up a couple of stories high. As Wade and his cohorts observed the structure, J continued her story about her and this Administrator's origins.
"A long time ago, at this place we'll call Elliott Manor, my boss, who was still a child at the time, brought in a few worker drones left outside in a dump near the mansion, mostly composed of scrapped worker drone bodies. Upon bringing us in, Tess would fix us up so we could be her friends. I myself, along with three other drones, were her closest companions. Her family weren't so keen on having us around, but, to keep their daughter happy and to make us useful, Mr. and Mrs. Elliott put us to work keeping the place tidy." The disassembly drone's projector shifted again to show J and her three fellow workers, dressed in the same maid attire J was shown in earlier. Wade and Tina stared at two of them, as they resembled the disassembly drones they fought earlier, most notably N and V.
"Among the four of us here, THIS one would be the biggest problem." The hologram zoomed into the worker drone displayed earlier, postured in a strange, slouched over posture.
"Her name is Cyn, and, unlike J, V and N there, she was more broken than I had surmised back then. Spoke like some old artificial voice generator thing." Tessa stated, pointing at the highlighted drone before Tina decided to speak up on the backstory.
"How broken? Was there something wrong with her coding?" She said as she put a hand to her core.
J nodded lightly as she gave her answer. "Most likely. Do you remember the protocol tape for proper disposal of worker units? Seen it at all?"
Tina and Wade shivered a bit as they thought of the presumed tape J spoke of, dread creeping in from their memories of seeing it as the latter of the duo answered. "I think so, once during a little maintenance time I had years back. I think it was called... 'Zombie Drones'?"
"That's exactly the one." J said with a nod before continuing. "Well, if you saw it all the way through, the pie chart diagram points out the outcomes for OS complications should a worker core be improperly terminated. Out of those outcomes, the smallest, least likely one was 'potentially hazardous mutations'." Pointing to Cyn on the hologram, J continued further. "As for Cyn here, she befell said mutations, and they would come to not only affect her, but all of us at the manor too."
Tina's eyes went wide as she started to click the pieces together, recalling herself reading up on the incident J was hinting at years earlier during a class she took at the college she and Wade attended. "Wait... You, you don't mean SHE was the one who caused the Elliott Gala Massacre?"
J nodded in affirmation as Wade spoke up, confused at the revelation. "Wait, I remember looking into that too. Didn't the news say it was some mass murderer that did it?"
"That they did." Tessa replied as she added to the story. "However, that was a cover-up by the company to hide part of what really happened."
Pulling up what appeared to be a large room full of people inside, J explained the tragedy shown on the projector. "Tessa's parents didn't treat the drones under their service well, and Cyn seemed to despise them for it. On that day during a gala hosted by the Elliotts, Cyn, utilizing the mutations I mentioned, slaughtered the entire attending party there." Glancing to Tessa, J finished with, "Tess and I tried to stop her, but... it was too late."
Holding their hands to their mouths, Wade and Tina looked on in horror, Nathan and F sharing similar dismay as the four looked to Tessa. Knowing their desire to hear how she was spared, Tessa spoke to them. "Despite seeing her kill my parents and everyone in that room with my own eyes, Cyn spared me from the carnage. Took me away to some place so I could be kept quiet."
Raising a hand, F spoke up. "Well, wait a minute, how did Cyn join the company after all that?"
"Good question." J replied, pulling up an image of Cyn and a man, whom Wade recognized as Halloway before the corporate drone explained. "Upon the arrival of law enforcement and agents sent by the company, they found Cyn, who had already turned me and the other worker drones from the manor into the first disassembly drones. After some chatter between the two, Dr. Edgar Halloway, a simple materials recovery officer at the time, struck a deal with her. Talking with the authorities, they managed to convince them to keep the incident on the down low while they took Cyn and her drones in for study. Through said study, addition of protocols and official installation of Cyn into higher company positions, not to mention the creation of the Disassembly Drone Division, the rest is history."
The four drones looked on in stunned shock, taking in Tessa and J's story with unease as Wade spoke up. "So, this new body, the crazy shit that we just went through... it's all cause of this Cyn being? And those who are helping her?"
"That's right." J answered as Tina raised a finger, still concerned over the capabilities of the Administrator as she spoke.
"But, how did she convert you all into what you are now? What were these 'mutations' exactly?"
Tessa sighed a bit as she prepared to explain the origins of this horrible program. "Well, from what information I could gather before I got out of Cyn's clutches a while back, the researchers put to work studying Cyn and her abnormalities came to regard the latter as some kind of program, which grew stronger and more capable quite fast as it was kept under the company's leash. Eventually, they gave it a name: AbsoluteSolver." Pulling out what looked like a smartcomm, Tessa flicked her finger over it as she explained further. "Despite all logic, the AbsoluteSolver program, or, Solver, could generate various things out of thin air, as well as manipulate objects and living beings in many ways. To be blunt, it's like some kind of freaky magic powers for drones.
"Seeing that they could learn a lot from this program, as well as use Cyn's abilities to wring out all kinds of products and items for them to sell and use, the company instated the Solver Project, a research group dedicated to understanding the AS and its potential." Raising a finger, Tessa looked to Wade as she finished her explanation on the Solver. "Said program has been branched out to several other planets over the years, helping to spread this virus as far as possible for purposes we're certain aren't good, given that one of those planets got devastated by an experiment one of the teams did involving the virus."
The news that this infection brought harm to one of the colony worlds didn't sit well with the lover drones, both of them looking on in dismay as J gave more details. "And with that in mind, this recent effort has only cemented our belief that Cyn is up to something sinister. So once we reach the base here in Nevada, we have to make preparations for bringing this Solver Project to a halt... BEFORE it can harm any more people."
Smirking deviously, Tessa raised a finger as she glanced to Wade, who looked to her with concern as she spoke. "By the way Mr. Carter, that Halloway guy you ran into earlier? He leads one of the main teams working on the project."
Wade scoffed in annoyance he was reminded of that man. "Doesn't surprise me, seemed like he was really close to the Administrator from what I saw." Then, thinking on the reason for this briefing he was attending, Wade looked to J and Tessa curiously. "Why are you telling us this?"
J crossed her arms as she explained. "Because, Mr. Carter, YOU are the only disassembly drone we managed to recover from that place. And, given your exceptional performance there, your help would be much appreciated in our mission."
"Mission?" Tina said with a raised eyebrow. "So we're not done yet?"
"For us, not in the slightest. We've got some explaining to do with the government officials stationed at the base we're heading to. As for you all," J answered before looking to the four, all of them returning the glance as she continued. "...that depends on what you all have to say. Can you lend us a hand?"
Glancing to each other, Wade and Tina gazed into one another before nodding in agreement, turning back to J and Tessa before giving their decision. "Well, after what I just went through, and what happened to my brother... I'm sure as hell gonna bring those bastards to justice in one form or another."
"Yes, Wade and I have some talking to do with this 'Dr. Halloway' fellow before this is all over." Tina added, her and Wade holding each others hand as J gave a smirk at their vigorous determination.
"I'm glad to hear you two feel the same on the matter." J said as Tessa put her hands to her hips, slumped slightly as she spoke in a disappointed tone.
"Unfortunately, it may be a minute before we see some action. Once we reach the base, you all will find a place to rest for the time being. Since it's a military base, it should be safe from any major retribution attempts by those blokes at the company." Pulling out her smartcomm again, she continued once more. "As for us, we'll talk to the leaders there and see what their decision will be on the matter."
The quartet seemed to grow concerned over that last part, Nathan raising a hand before speaking his mind. "So, if they say no? Does that mean...?"
J and Tessa glanced to each other before the former answered the veteran drone. "Well, in that case, while it will be harder without official military support, the Coalition will take us wherever we need them to in order to put a stop to the Administrator. Shouldn't be much to worry about."
Taking this somewhat comforting news to heart, Tina and Wade nodded in understanding before the latter spoke to the operatives. "Well, that's good to hear. Whenever you do get an answer, give us a heads up."
"We will, Mr. Carter." J replied to Wade before shifting in her stance, Wade and his friends standing up together as their disassembly drone superior spoke once more. "With all that said, you're all dismissed. If you have any more questions, don't hesitate to ask."
"Thanks for clearing this up, Mrs. J. You too, Tessa." Wade said gratefully before turning to the exit, Tina walking with him as F and Nathan walked over to the operatives.
"Wade? Do you mind coming down to the bay below? I... I have something to show you." Wade nodded to her before they made their way down, the four people behind them continuing the chatter as the couple went to have their long overdue privacy.
Stepping out of the cockpit behind them, Wade and Tina sighed in comfort as they saw the troops busy with their tasks, not giving a glance to the two as they walked close to the sealed door of the transport. Admiring the enormous view the large window in the door gave for a moment, the two drones looked to each other as Tina dug into her pocket. "I was hoping to do this when we got back home, but... I got this from Eridanus while I was visiting." Finding her token of love to Wade, she pulled out the small box she showed off on the call earlier, opening it to reveal her present.
Wade admired the blue gemstone with wide eyes as Tina pulled it out with great care. "Wow... It's beautiful."
Tina chuckled as she extended the gem's necklace band out. "I knew you would, I just happened to stumble upon it while exploring the forest during a tour." Putting the two necklace bands around Wade's neck, she clipped the present together before pulling her arms back, adoring Wade's new add-on as she finished her sentence. "I felt it would be something nice for you to remember me by, while we're away from each other."
Wade smiled at Tina as he expressed his appreciation for the gift. "It certainly will." Stiffling a chuckle, the former worker drone held Tina's hand holding the box as he spoke further. "But, no matter how far apart we are, nothing could fill the space you hold in my heart."
"Same in mine, dear." Tina replied as she gazed into Wade's eyes, noting the faint green in his yellowed visor as she looked on in hopeful amusement. "And yet, even after all they did, I can still see those eyes. Changed from the soft, cool grass to the warmth of a blazing sun." She said while putting the box away, then placing a hand onto Wade's face as he looked off with a blush.
"Tina, I..." Wade began, unsure of how to put his thoughts to words as he tried to find them. "I don't know what they did to me, but I won't let it ruin our relationship." Holding her shoulders, Wade spoke to Tina further. "You're the most beautiful being I've seen in the whole universe, your warmth, your flight prowess... I want to protect that. I want to protect you."
"Oh, Wade." Tina murmured as the two touched their heads to one another, holding each other close in their efforts to provide affection. Such affection intensified as the two joined their metal lips, sharing a long kiss as they enjoyed their moment of awkward romance together.
...
Location: New Nellis Staryards, Nevada
The Chameleon transports zoomed over the large military air base as they arrived at their destination, several A-20 planes flying about over the base as they either carried out flight sorties or, more likely, investigated the arriving craft coming towards the base. After about an hour of flying over the country, the Coalition-USN task force finally arrived at the designated area to begin unloading their rescued drones to an area they could be protected more efficiently.
As the transport began to descend, Wade, Tina, and their friends observed the sight outside the window, spotting several landed aircraft and even a few docked warships. They admired the many ships resting for repair and refurbishment while they prepared to land and disembark for the base outside.
In the small bridge of the dropship, one of the two pilots tapped a button on the control panel, putting a microphone to their mouth before speaking into it. "Base Control, this is Transport Chi-729-B, we've got assets from the recent op lead by Captain Preston aboard. Request permission to land."
"Permission granted, Chi-729. Welcome back." The officer on the other end replied as the transport descended further, two lightningrod jets breaking off as they permitted the craft to land on their grounds below them.

20F. 120lbs, 5’6. Previously diagnosed with POTS. Take 23.75mg Metoprolol Succinate daily. Non-smoker, casual drinker. NZ-European.
In September 2023, I suddenly developed motion sickness on my commute to university. I thought nothing of it until I woke up 2 weeks later with extreme vertigo, nausea, and dizziness. My depth perception was also altered. Went to my GP who thought it was a migraine, and said no follow-up was needed.
My symptoms persisted until October, when I woke up with sudden double and blurred vision. Went to the ER and had a CT, which revealed “incidental mild cerebellar tonsillar ectopia.” They sent me away with a referral to ophthalmology, which revealed nothing. Neurology then saw me, trialed me on a migraine medication (didn’t work), and referred me for an MRI. But because I’m in New Zealand, the wait time is until 2025.
Since then, I’ve become more and more disabled. The nausea (and salvia-pooling) and vertigo has worsened to the point I can barely leave my house. Including this, I now also have:

• Left-arm/hand weakness
• Extreme fatigue
• Cognitive issues
• Balance issues
• Frequent urination/constant need to go -feels like I’m not emptying properly
• Depression

As you can imagine, this has ruined my life. I’m extremely close to dropping out of university, I barely see my friends because my symptoms are so persistent, and I’m missing out on my 20s. I’m desperate for answers, and waiting until 2025 feels like a death sentence. Where do I go from here? Any help or advice is greatly appreciated :)

Hi! I've recently gotten interested in Gothic, and one thing I've been confused about is the proper word order for sentences. I keep feeling like there's a way I'm "supposed" to do it that I don't know about.
For instance, let's take this Magic: The Gathering card as an example of some text to be translated into Gothic: Name: Ancestral Recall Type: Instant Card text: Target player draws three cards.
There's not really a good term for "Ancestral" in Gothic, so I created one by combining fadrein with -isks to make fadrisks (please also tell me if this is the wrong way to go about things because I am new to this whole thing), and "Recall" can be translated to gamunds (remembrance). In this case, would fadrisks (or whatever word is actually supposed to be here if I am indeed not supposed to just go around combining words with the derivational suffixes to make new ones) be before gamunds, and why or why not? For the Type, I'm not totally sure how the literal translation of "Instant" into Gothic would work or if it would even make sense, so I'm thinking about combining hrusks (quick) with lubjaleisei (sorcery, witchcraft) to create something that means "quick-sorcery." This also depends on where the adjective goes in relation to the noun (and also whether or not I'm supposed to make new words by smashing two together).
For the actual card text, I translated the words as following: Target -> "chosen" -> gatēwida Player -> "fighter" -> weihān + āreis (once again, tell me if I'm doing this wrong) Draw -> "pull/drag" -> dragadau Three -> þreis Cards ~> "something that has writing on it" -> bōkōs And then, for a bit of clarity, I added in the implied "from their deck" that exists at the end of the card text, with those being From -> af Their -> is Deck ~> "something that contains the cards" -> bōkōs + kas (vessel; again, please tell me if this is the wrong way to go about things)
In Gothic grammar, where would all these words be in relation to each other? I've seen some example texts that have the pronoun like "thy" be after the object, which would make "from their deck" into "from deck their." I've also seen some examples that have the cardinal word before the noun it's modifying (i.e. þreis bōkōs), while others have had the cardinal after the noun (i.e. bōkōs þreis). What's the correct procedure for all this? How would you organize the sentence? Would its meaning change if the words were in a different position, and if so, how would its meaning change?

I hope this isn't a dumb question - I am the parent of a fourth grade girl who was diagnosed with dyslexia recently and this is all pretty new to me. I hope I'm missing something, actually, because I'm confused and pissed and sad.
This ended up being longer than my single question - I guess I am actually really pissed off and sad about the last nine months in general, and I am completely open to any feedback, advice, or ideas about what to do now and how to help my kid. This is the first time I wrote all of this down and the irony of writing a novel on a dyslexia subreddit is not lost on me.
I'm leaving it lol.
Cora has always been brilliant and weird and loud, but over the last few years, it became apparent that she was having a harder time....stopping. Stopping talking, stopping moving, stopping yelling - it was just endless and exhausting for everyone around her. (Except at school. She is and was perfectly behaved at school - she has literally never gotten so much as a note home about goofing off in class.) Cora hit a wall in third grade - the hyperactivity was finally wearing her out, too, and annoying her friends. She finally asked for some help slowing down.
She was tested for ADHD and the general host of common mental health conditions last fall, and to no one's surprise, was diagnosed with ADHD-combined type, as well as anxiety symptoms that the psychologist described as significant enough to warrant a GAD diagnosis…but that she strongly suspected were a perfectly rational reaction to the very real problems Cora’s impulsiveness caused in her life.
This was exactly my experience as someone diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. It turns out that the consequences of constantly losing my car keys, forgetting appointments, and impulsively spending money I didn’t have were making me anxious and stressed, not the other way around. I had expected similar results for Cora and I was glad this was happening now - she could skip the years of totally ineffective treatment and misdiagnoses that I went through before being diagnosed and successfully treated.
What we were not expecting at all was the additional diagnosis of "specific learning disorder with reading impairment" noted in the report. I had no idea what this meant. The psychologist did not use the word "dyslexia" in her written evaluation, a decision which resulted in another 8 months of confusion and (probably unnecessary) testing detailed below. She explained to us that Cora could have dyslexia, but that her testing wasn't granular enough to be sure - that there was a chance it was "something else" and the SLD diagnosis was an umbrella term that covered both dyslexia and conditions unknown. (I have no idea what she was referring to and the general weirdness about using the word dyslexia was something I noticed with the school, too. I am still confused by this and other interactions where I get the distinct feeling people aren’t telling me something important.)
It was almost September, so the psychologist recommended pursuing testing with the school; this seemed to be a reasonable next step. They would test Cora and determine exactly what was going on, if anything. This whole part of the report was very much characterized as an incidental finding - something to follow up on, but nothing alarming given Cora’s history of good grades.
"Maybe she was just tired after a long day of testing,” the doctor explained. “But it also seemed like she wasn't hearing certain letters correctly." Years of speech therapy had helped Cora correct all but a few minor issues - but combined with this potential reading issue, maybe an audiologist should test her again. Get her hearing tested, start medication for ADHD, and see what the school says about her reading - that was the plan, no big deal.
I wasn't worried, but I figured it couldn't hurt to see what other help was available. I learned that we have a branch of a big tutoring nonprofit in our city that offers Orton-Gillingham instruction at no charge - something I soon realized would cost hundreds of dollars per month at other centers. Free is good! I submitted Cora's application and the report from the psychologist (with the ADHD/GAD/SLD all clearly noted)….and we got a rejection letter a week later in the mail. Cora didn't qualify because the tutoring was specific to dyslexia, and the SLD with reading impairment was not the same as a formal dyslexia diagnosis. Fair enough, I thought - I figured we'd get the testing done through her school and could reapply if the result was a dyslexia diagnosis.
That....was naïve, lol. But the psychologist made it sound like a total non-issue, something schools did all the time. I sent the school psychologist and teachers the report before school even started, since surely they would want to schedule all of this right away! I didn’t hear anything for a few weeks – the start of the school year must be such a busy time, after all – but raised it again, report in hand, at a meeting with Cora’s teacher in late September.
“You….really want to try to avoid putting a label on things too quickly,” she told me, in a tone that implied there was much more that she was not saying. “She seems to be doing quite well in class. Let’s see how she does on the standardized tests we’re finishing this week and go from there.” I was definitely aware that I was missing something, but it seemed reasonable to wait for Cora’s test results if they would help inform next steps. Cora scored well above average, as usual; shortly after receiving these scores, the school psychologist emailed me to let me know that no further testing was warranted.
I still felt like I was missing something – spoiler alert, I was – but there didn’t seem to be anything else left to do. They're the experts and were totally unconcerned – only positive news - and Cora’s new ADHD meds seemed to be really helping. After that, everything did seem to be okay at school for a while. Cora liked her teachers and was doing well.
Everything was copacetic…except for the fact that Cora’s anxiety seemed to be getting worse without any tangible explanation. She complained about fourth grade being a lot harder, but again – her grades were fine, she was perfectly behaved, she liked her teachers….it was difficult to identify any problem that needed solving. Soon, Cora started getting home and isolating herself in her room for over an hour every day. She seemed stressed. Worn out. This went on for months.
And then she had her first panic attack on a Sunday night, seemingly out of nowhere. She wanted a mental health day Monday and was back in school Tuesday, seemingly her normal self.
The next Sunday, she had another panic attack, and this one was much, much worse. She lost control of her bladder. I was close to taking her to the ER. It was scary. That's when it all came out. She was DREADING school - her two hours of ELA in the mornings had become “torture.” She was white-knuckling it through the reading, writing, and spelling work, totally clueless as to why it seemed so much harder for her than for other kids, but so determined to get good grades that she had just burned. the. fuck. OUT.
She was home for days after this. The school tried to dismiss my concerns at first - it couldn't have been that bad, I was told. To be fair, my concerns were vague because I still didn’t understand the real issues or how to help Cora, either. Cora was clearly unwell and adamantly refused to return to school. I started putting everything in formal, written letters emailed to all of her teachers, the school psychologist, and everyone else who seemed potentially relevant. I told them I wasn't sending her back until they did something to try to figure out what was going on in ELA.
That was mid-February. We had a meeting before I would agree to send Cora back, where they talked about putting together the "interdisciplinary team" to conduct "extensive classroom observation.” They insisted that this process would take at least 60 days to complete. Cora reports that there have been three days where someone has essentially come to her ELA class and stared at her while she works.
We weren’t just waiting for the school, though. After the psych eval last summer, we had been slowly working through additional evaluations and appointments related to Cora’s hearing, speech, and language abilities. Basically, we were working our way from Cora's ears into different regions of her brain, trying to catch problems along the path that sound waves traveled - entering Cora's head as vibrations in her ear canals, winding into her brain as phenomes, assembling into a stream of recognizable words, converting into meaning in entirely different areas of her brain, and eventually emerging again via her speech. I had no idea so many tiny things could go wrong in that process, but they can - and we can get pretty damn granular in order to figure that shit out when there’s a potential problem. Cora had some weird results here and there - we now know that overlapping speech is basically her Kryptonite, which explains a lot of meltdowns at family gatherings over the years. But on the whole, her ears and her brain are doing fine, and she doesn't have autism, either.
We had been lucky to get hooked up with the best child development team in the area - they were wonderful, and the process of more testing and visits seemed to reassure Cora (and us, honestly) that there was more help on the horizon, more answers soon. She started low-dose Zoloft for the anxiety and seemed a little happier; her anxiety about school was starting to morph into resignation and frustration, which actually seemed healthier in a way. "It takes time," they tell us. Her breakdown was in February. They wanted to see the report from the most recent evaluations. Fair enough; although it is not lost on me that I am paying an outside team to do the school's job, at least it's getting done.
Two weeks ago, we finally got the team's report - and the written words, "developmental dyslexia." The lead psychologist is going to meet with the 504 team at her school - he is wonderful and immediately understood so many of Cora's concerns and needs. I'm not exactly optimistic, but it's at least possible that this may result in accommodations/extra help in school. Cora thinks he walks on water and is so excited that he's going to "stand up for" her.
The report is detailed and confirmed a lot of what we suspected. She's a really bright kid - IQ around 120 with sky high mathematics and nonverbal problem-solving scores. She apparently discussed "conundrums that are complex and abstract in nature" during her sessions, with a "recognition that there is not necessarily a solution" to these mysterious issues. (LMAO....this is my weird and wonderful kid.) The report describes Cora as "delightful" - funny, self aware, and highly motivated to learn.
Her reading comprehension score was in the 90th percentile, essay composition in the 70th - spelling scores came in at the 25th percentile, which was no surprise. Pseudoword decoding was poor - she's in the 14th percentile - and it got worse from there. Cora has an oral reading fluency in the 9th percentile, a basic reading score in the 7th percentile, and a word reading score in the 4th percentile.
In fact, the essay composition score was the only "average" score among dozens of measures of her reading, writing, and language abilities - comprehension was universally excellent and decoding was universally abysmal. It was hard to read. It felt like a gut punch - looking at the single-digit scores, I finally realized the insane degree of effort it must have taken to finish her work and look happy doing it.
The developmental psychologist leading the team told us that it was unusual to see that stark of a difference - that the severity of her impairments are usually associated with average comprehension scores at best. I have tried to wade through research about these instruments, but decided to take his word for it. Typically, the deficits in her basic reading skills would set off a chain reaction of lower scores down the line - but Cora had brought her grades and tests scores up from an already high start at the beginning of the year.
"It's no wonder her anxiety symptoms are increasing - she's completely exhausted," he said. "Imagine what she could achieve with the right kind of help."
I realized then why Cora's high scores and good grades, so impressive to everyone else, were such a source of consternation for her. That chain reaction was still happening, getting in the way of what she was actually capable of achieving. She knew it, even if the rest of us didn't - she could do better with the right kind of help.
I honestly feel sick thinking about it. She never told anyone she was struggling, never asked for help - not from us, not from anyone at school, heck not from her former-literacy-teacher grandma. No one had any idea. My husband and I had actually encouraged her to slow down a little in the weeks before her panic attacks, just out of a general sense that something was brewing despite her repeated insistence she was doing fine. Turn in the worksheet a day late, three sentences is plenty, relax. Unthinkable, Cora insisted, she was fine.
So she's back at school, nothing has changed other than the glacially slow 504 process of "observation" occurring in the background sometimes, but she seems to be a bit less stressed. I can't tell if getting pissed off about the situation is helping her deal with it, if the Zoloft is taking the edge off, or if she's just masking harder now. Maybe all three. 18 more days of school and Cora is counting. them. down. Her teachers and support staff seem generally bewildered by the idea she is or was ever struggling. They were caught totally off guard when I abruptly pulled her out of school until we at least got them to commit to the 504 process – but we had been blindsided too. They saw a happy kid who was thriving academically until her parents pulled her out of school and started a process that no one seems particularly committed to finishing. Sometimes I think they don't believe us at all. Maybe I would feel the same way in their shoes, I don’t know. I think they’ll listen to the doctor.
The entire point of this post, though, was to ask about Cora’s second rejection from the local tutoring program. With summer approaching and the diagnosis of dyslexia (versus maybe-dyslexia, maybe-whatever-else-could-be-included-under-the-SLD-“umbrella”, which I am still unsure is even a thing), I've been looking into all sorts of options for tutoring. Summer is a good opportunity to try to start getting Cora some meaningful help without adding yet another thing to her plate. She's excited. We can build some tools before next year - if we know what works for her, we can be better advocates from Day 1.
So I resubmitted Cora's application - I still had my original email and I just attached the shiny new report to that, explaining where to find the magic D word that I fully expected would finally open a door where Cora could get the right kind of help. This new report was more granular with reading testing, but the dyslexia diagnosis was the one really substantive change. It included Cora's ADHD and anxiety diagnoses, as did the report I submitted with our initial application, but with new information about medication and treatment for these issues - progress!
(I would like to point out at this point that ADHD and anxiety are firmly established as two of the most common comorbid diagnoses for kids with dyslexia, and that anxiety symptoms in particular can occur because of the challenges caused by dyslexia. My daughter had full-blown panic attacks at 10 years old largely because she struggles to FUCKING READ and no one was helping her. I know I am preaching to what little choir is likely left at this point in my novel. But especially as someone who was medicated/treated for depression and anxiety for 20 years before anyone agreed to test for, diagnose, and treat the ADHD symptoms that were causing me to regularly fuck up my life in really depressing and stressful ways…..this chicken and egg shit really hits a nerve.)
Anyhoo, it had taken 8 months and a lot of work, but I had finally done this one cool thing for her - Cora was going to get the right kind of help. The school year is almost over, but at least we had this one success. The obstacle that I’m still not sure was warranted in the first place – the lack of the word dyslexia in the initial evaluation – had been checked off what was now a giant list of obstacles in Cora's path.
And thanks to the generosity of people who had probably heard and experienced a lot of similar, frustrating stories, our family could focus on paying off the bills accumulated in the process of getting to this point instead of adding more to the pile. Free is always good, but sometimes free is a godsend.
Twelve hours later, Cora was denied again, this time via a brief email simply noting the GAD diagnosis in both reports. "Our tutors are not trained to work with children who are diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorders" and they "cannot meet her needs."
That was it. No further explanation. Just…fuck your anxious baby girl who is trying so hard and fuck you for trying. NEXT!
Oh, and P.S., fuck the really significant percentage of kids with dyslexia with comorbid anxiety diagnoses who are incredibly well researched and described in just…all of the fucking literature. Just all of it, honestly, for decades. Fuck those kids too.
People seem to treat the word "dyslexia" like it's the only thing that matters sometimes but also not something that should be ever said in other contexts, AND I'm pretty fucking sure that "SLD with reading impairment" is essentially equivalent to the word dyslexia because no one can explain what else might be under that "umbrella," and apparently it's nigh impossible to get meaningful help for my daughter through the public school systems anywhere in America, and giant nonprofits care about kids with dyslexia so much, but not the anxious ones, better lock the doors before those crybabies get their needs all over our tutoring center!
We will figure out how to pay for help for Cora, that’s a given.
But honest to fucking god, have you guys just been putting up with this shit the whole time? I'm so sorry.

My sister in law went to the ER with breathing problems which ended up as a multi week hospital stay because she was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer in the and had to stay in the hospital to have her lungs cleared out (I don't know what with I'm not a doctor myself). She had her first dose of chemo but hasn't come home yet.
We visited her this morning and the nurse said something along the lines of asking us to call her cell phone to get her rather than the button which seemed weird at the time.
Sure enough when my sister in law hit the button to ask for help to go to the restroom no one showed up. She hobbled over and did it herself and hours later the nurse did show up and doped her up to the point where she could barely form a sentence when my inlaws showed up. She hasn't eaten all day and the room was full of stale food and the whole place smelled apparently when they got there and they were furious which led to my wife and I thinking of that conversation in the morning about calling the nurse on her cell phone. Is she just wandering off somewhere to chill rather than manning her station?
Is this normal? Is the whole "hit me up on my cell" for a nurse assigned to man a station in a hospital a red flag? This seems weird to me but I don't have any experience with the medical system.

As always, thank you to u/SpacePaladin15 for the wonderful universe that is NoP! Thank you to u/cruisingNW for proof reading and helping me make this chapter as good as it can be, you're the man! Honestly LoM wouldn't have gone very far without him! If you haven't you should absolutely go read Foundations of Humanity! It's very good AND it just updated!
A big thanks to u/Saint-Andros for helping with proofreading! He writes Out of Our Elements which is a very good one! If you like a good fic in the wilderness and a pair of cute 'friends' ;) you'll love OOE!
Also thank you to u/brotanics! For this wonderful fanart of Taisa. And this one! She's so cute I'm gonna die
And thank you to u/Jimdandy117! For this adorable fanart of Chris and Renkel! Dear god help he's adorable I love him so much
Thank you u/SlimyRage, or AsciiSquid on Discord, for makin' Vengineer Taisa Gamin'. She's absolutely adorable, I love her lil' workers apron. She looks so excited to get to work!
Thank you u/Braquen! For this astounding Pixel Art of Taisa after a few range day dates with Chris! Her little hat and gunbelt are absolutely astounding!
Thank you u/VeryUnluckyDice! For this Artwork of Taisa and Chris as characters from One Piece! I've never seen or read it before but it's incredibly cute!
Thank you to u/creditmission for their wonderful work of several LoM fanfics!
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Memory Transcription Subject: Taisa, Venlil Starship Engineer, Crystal Star Shipping Co-Owner
Date [Standardized Human Time]: October 16th, 2136
My ear twitches as it catches the first sounds of morning coming from the kitchen, and Chris snorts at the sudden interruption. I delight in the comforting pull of his arms, even if it tugs my wool a little. He draws small circles in the wool of my back, gently coaxing me to wake alongside him, even as his groggy grumble reminds me how long I’d already been awake.
“G’Mornin, Darlin’.” He yawns before planting a small kiss on my snout, eagerly met by my own happy mewl as I stretched and wove my claws through the ‘wool’ on his chest, “Sleep well?”
“Better than I would have thought…” I purred, nuzzling up into his neck as I stretched, reaching for my pad on the bed-side before flicking it on to a notification from over a claw ago that it’d lost signal. “Don’t know if Mama even responded.”
“I’m sorry, Darlin’.” He whispered, pulling me in tight to his chest with a sorrowful look on his face.
“I hope they’re alright.” I whispered back, pressing in close as I pulled my eyes from the empty screen, dropping the pad to fall into the mattress beside us.
“I’m sure they are, hon’.” Chris’ voice poured through me as he held me tight, his hands still gently caressing my wool as the sounds in the kitchen grew ever louder. “Though, if’n we make it out the other side of all this, I think your Pa’s gonna have words for me again.”
“Mama too!” A small burble of whistling laughter filled my throat at the memory of Papa angrily jabbing a claw up at Chris’ hulking form when we’d returned from The Cradle.
“I’ll bet they’re happier to see us alive than they will be angry we stayed.” Chris rumbled in reply, his hand trailing lightly through my wool down my back.
“I hope so.” I sighed, stretching in his grasp, doing my best to work the lethargy from my limbs as the tantalizing taste of whatever Darlene was cooking reached my tongue. “For now let's just…”
“Get through this as best we can? Agreed.” Chris grunted, finishing my hanging sentence as he propped himself up against a pile of pillows and suddenly pulled me against him. A soft bleat of surprise slipped from my mouth, quickly silenced by a wonderfully warm kiss that I eagerly pressed into. A small smile crossed his lips as we hung there, separated by no more than a breath of air before he spoke. “Smells like Ma’s makin’ up somethin’ delicious.”
“Of course food is the first thing your mind goes to once you’re actually awake.” I laughed, my tail slipping from his leg to playfully tap the side of his face as I slid down to nuzzle his neck.
“When Ma’s cookin’ you bet it is!” He replied, placing another, softer kiss on my crown before shifting out beneath me and rising to his feet with a stretch and a yawn. “‘Sides, it beats stayin’ in bed all day just… waitin’.”
“Yea, yea I suppose it does.” My ears drooped at the mention of what was coming, that hanging specter of the Extermination Fleet slipping to the forefront of my mind as I ran my claws through my wool, peering into the old mirror in the corner. “What did you want to do today?”
“First: eat breakfast. Then we feed the cows real quick ‘fore they get upset. After that, I figure we go up to the peak again and watch the lightshow. Hidin’ won’t do us no good anyhow, least we can have a nice view if’n it all comes down.” He answered, his voice stiff in its attempts to be nonchalant, doing his best to stay upbeat despite the subject. “Make a few sandwiches and snacks, take a nice hike and just watch.”
“Think that’ll help at all?” I asked, my voice only just louder than a whisper as I turned from the mirror, finding him already dressed and, for the most part, groomed.
“No clue, but I bet it’ll feel a lot better than sitting in a dank hole waiting for it to end anyhow.” Chris shrugged, pulling his hat down tight on his head as he bent over to give me another kiss. “‘Sides, I bet Roscoe’d love to find his way along for a bit. Though you might have to fight him o’er the peaches.”
A jolt of surprise flicked up my ears as I felt my tail wag at the thought of the dog joyfully chomping at the peaches, his little shoot-tail wagging as fast as he could manage. “That does sound nice…”
“Thought you’d like that. Now, how’s ‘bout we get some breakfast?” He asked with a smile, stepping to the door with a sure stride before swinging it open and gesturing me through. “After you, Hon’.”
The delightful, familiar taste of sizzling potatoes, carrots and all manner of spices I couldn’t recognize filled the air as we stepped into the kitchen to find Darlene hard at work over the stove, whistling happily as she was surrounded by what I thought had to be the entire kitchen’s worth of pots, pans, skillets and tools. Michael and Ryan were sat at the island across from her, chatting idly as Roscoe happily trotted to Chris and I.
A twitch of fear zipped down my spine and out of my tail as the dog looked up to me, letting out a soft whine as he licked his chops and plopped to the floor before rolling over to show Chris and I his belly.
“Good Morn’ Roscoooe! Time for some belly rubs, ol’ buddy.” Chris cooed, stooping over to vigorously rub at the dogs belly, eliciting a rising rumble of groans, pants and whines as the brown and white mass of fur wiggled back and forth happily. “You happy to see Taisa again, bud?”
A lolling, pink tongue fell from Roscoe’s mouth as he basked in the moment of adoring attention. I glanced up, finding Chris’ parents and Ryan watching me hover off to Chris’ side. Michael gave me a nod and a small smile, gently encouraging me forward to Chris’ side. “He still won’t bite ya, unless’n ya consider over-eager kisses to be bitin’.”
The light warmth of a small bloom spread under my wool as I stepped forward, crouching at Chris’ side. Worry flashed through my mind while I looked down at Roscoe’s glistening, pointed teeth before being rapidly replaced by amusement as he let out an adorable, appreciative grunt that sounded far too much like Papa after settling into a good bath to relax.
You’ve come this far already, he was plenty gentle last time you were here paw-feeding him peaches.
My paw slipped into his fur, met by a warm, soft blanket that I hadn’t fully expected as I slowly massaged my claws through his coat, eliciting another battery of pleased groans. Before I knew it, both of my paws were hard at work rubbing and scratching though his fur as if I weren’t touching a predator like it was nothing to be worried about.
Maybe because it isn’t. You’re in love with one, after all.
The distinct clink of plates being set on the countertop snapped me from the luxurious fur of Roscoe’s coat as Darlene’s sing-song voice filled the air. “Breakfast is served!”
“Taisa, I couldn’t rightly convince Michael or Ryan to give up a Naw’lins breakfast today but don’chu worry. I’ve got the vegan options set aside for ya in the green bowls and the blue carton next to the coffee is the vanilla oat…” She paused a moment, obviously searching her mind for a ‘better’ word than whatever the actual one was. “Juice? It’s good to cut the coffee with, if’n it’s a bit too strong for ya. Oh! And the orange pitcher is orange juice if ya really don’t like the coffee!”
I looked across the table, finding four green bowls and a platter amongst a scattered sea of different colored bowls, platters and trays. Ryan leaned forward, gently sticking his fork into a thin, flaky white slab sat atop a blue plate before setting it onto his own.
Is that…
Does it really matter anymore?
Chris pulled his eyes from the spread of food in front of us, glancing over at me with worried eyes as the rest of his family set about preparing their own plates. He slipped into a stool with a soft creak, pulling a plate in front of himself before settling a napkin across his lap. Another zip of fear bolted down my tail at the thought of my Love digging into a cut of flesh like his brother was. I could feel my ears swiveling with anxiety as my tail all but twisted itself into knots and I watched him gently skewer a few pieces of fruit and collect a scoop of some steaming medley of vegetables.
Is Chris going to?
It's lab-grown, isn’t it? Not a single animal was hurt making it so why shouldn’t he? Is it really any worse than a plant when it’s grown in a lab?
My wool flared with worry as I settled into the stool next to him, nervously fidgeting with the plate and ‘fork’ in front of me as I watched Chris’ family take their picks of the spread on the table. Each one had picked at least something off the… other plates before picking a few pieces of fruit: a steaming helping of rice and vegetables, a scoop of those delicious crispy tubers Papa loved or whatever those fluffy, golden pillows were off the green dishes. Chris looked over to me again, his gaze making me feel like I was little more than an upset pup about to throw a fit for not being entirely comfortable.
Disappointment…
That’s not what he thinks and you know it.
But what if he does? What if I a-
You’re not. And we already knew what he was when we made our decision. It had to happen sometime, didn’t it?
I let out a soft sigh, placing a paw on his thigh and meeting his eye as he took a crunchy bite from an apple. “Chris, what do you want to eat?”
“I’m fine with some fr-” He started, talking between chews of his apple, earning an annoyed look from Darlene.
“No, not what you’re fine with, what do you want to eat?” I repeated, pressing my paw a little tighter to his leg as my tail found its way around his ankle. “I… you don’t have to try and dance around what you are for my sake, Love. I love you for you, not your diet. If I could get past the eyes I can get past this.”
“You sure?” He whispered, glancing from me to that same plate he’d kept looking at in the middle of the table with a few cuts of pink and speckled black meat on it. “I don’t wanna ma-”
“Chris, you’ve done nothing but take supplements, indulge Papa’s cooking and eat a genuinely concerning volume of string-fruit for the past few herds. Yes, I’m sure.” I answered, patting his leg and taking a deep breath before watching as he looked to his family for a moment and then back to me.
Chris’ mouth hung open as he tried to stammer a response, some assurance, some empty ‘I’m fine’, before he sighed, setting his hand softly on mine and squeezing gently before I turned my paw over to squeeze back. “… Thank you, Darlin’. Mama’s blackened Red-Drum n’ grits ‘re worth it, I promise you that.”
“Go for it, big-guy.” I purred, doing my best to bolster my confidence as he leaned forward to take a scoop of the off-white grain, dropping it into a bowl before gently laying a sliver of pink and black flesh across the top of it.
A silver spoon cut a piece of the meat free along with a scoop of the ‘grits’, he drew in a deep breath as it hung just before his mouth, closing his eyes with a small smile that reminded me all too much of Mama when Papa made one of her Mama’s recipes. The spoon slipped into his mouth, the food disappearing with it, prompting a pleasant groan from Chris before he leaned back in his chair and let out a contented sigh. “Stars I’ve missed that. No offense to your Pa’ but ain’t nothin’ beat’s Ma’s cookin’.”
“I t-think he might contest that.” I replied, as a shiver passed through my wool at the thought before I quickly batted it away, doing my best to plant my foot against the building anxiety in my chest. “What should I have?”
“Can’t go wrong with Ma’s pancakes and some maple syrup! Fluffy as all hell and just as sweet.Fully Vegan too!” He replied, pointing to the golden pillows before breaking off another chunk of flesh as his voice turned mischievous. “‘Tween that, some fruit and a good helping of roasted vegetables, I’m not sure you could fit much else.”
“Excuse you! I can eat my fill plenty!” I bleated back, pulling my eyes from the contents of his bowl to look over the ‘pancakes’, catching a trio of amused eyes watching us as we bickered. Defiantly I leaned forward and skewered one, plopping it on my plate before collecting the flask of brown syrup, dumping a hardy portion on top of it and cutting a slice free to pop into my mouth.
Stars above was he right.
The dough all but melted in my mouth, the nutty sweetness of the syrup mixed with the light airy taste of the pancake to make something that far outstripped any dessert Strayu I’d ever had. I found myself letting out a trill of happiness as I took another bite, my tail wagging ecstatically at each delicious chew before my plate was suddenly empty again.
“Don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone go through one of Ma’s Vegan pancakes quite that fast other’n Annie.” Ryan laughed before skewering another few golden brown chunks of potato and popping them in his mouth.
“Well lucky for her, seconds are an option!” Darlene replied with a broad grin, gently cutting her meal up as she watched me reach for another delicious pancake. “So, what are you two getting up to today?”
“Well,” Chris mumbled past a mouthful of his food, holding a fist to his mouth seemingly appeasing her, even if only just, before continuing. “I’s figurin’ we’ll take care of feedin’ the cow’s for y’all ‘fore we head up to the outlook to… watch.”
“Oh! Thank you, Son.” Michael responded, sliding his now clean plate away from himself as he spoke. “Guess Ryan an’ I can get some work done in the garage then!”
“I’ll have some snacks and a good dinner ready for you two when you’re done! Won’t do to go up there and be hungry!” Darlene exclaimed, a flash of excitement in her eyes as she started to rattle off options she could have ready for us to take up.
“Thank you Ma’. Whatever you decide on I’m sure we’ll love it.” Chris stated, a small smile pulling at the corners of his face as he scooped the last of the grits from his bowl.
It’s like nothing’s even happening to them. Just like it’s another normal paw.
[Advance Transcript by Time Unit: 8 Hours]
The silence of the forest around us echoed with the sounds of calling birds and rustling leaves that sounded strikingly familiar to the preserves at home, the dragging weight of a ‘lunch box’ that was positively stuffed to the brim with food hung on my shoulder as we steadily plodded our way up the mountainside. The sky far above had shifted, the pale blues and white clouds of day deepening into streaking purples, fiery oranges and brilliant yellows as the sun had begun to set. It still amazed me that he got to see the night every paw, watching what Heartwood River had built an entire festival around, something that most Venlil never even saw in the first place was so common, so beautiful.
It was astoundingly, beautifully, breathtaking.
Chris’ heavy footfalls a few tails ahead pulled me from my thoughts, the soft, hollow clunk of his guitar on his hip accompanied the jangling clink of the golden buckles on his rifle’s sling as he spoke. “Not much farther now, Darlin’. You still good carryin’ dinner? I can take it off ya’ ‘til we get to the top if’n ya need.”
I stifled a snicker as I readjusted the strap, picking up my pace so I wasn’t slowing us down. “I’m fine. Not like I’m gonna let you carry everything, Heartwood. Besides, lower gravity certainly helps!”
“Oh? You gonna jump up to give me another kiss?” He laughed, slowing his stride for a few steps to let me catch up. “Certainly wouldn’t mind any.”
“Oh really? Maybe I will!”” I purred back, sticking my tongue out at him as he shifted the rifle around to rest against his back, prompting another thought to surface in my mind. “Why’d you bring the revolver and the rifle?”
He gave a noncommittal shrug and grunt, his hand rising to rest on the gleaming pistol as the holster squeaked and groaned a little under the weight. “Just… feels like somethin’ I can control in all this. ‘Sides, she’s like an old good luck charm. Pappy always told me I’d never be alone so long’s I kept a good rifle by my side when things got rough. I figure there ain’t nothin’ much rougher’n this.”
A soft mewl of understanding slipped from my snout as the path beneath our feet leveled out, the trees in front of us fading away to a vast expanse of rising mountain peaks and deep, tree filled valleys framing the setting sun like a perfectly placed photograph. “Mama always seems to feel better when she’s got that old rifle of hers around, said having it nearby always calmed her nerves.”
“I’m surprised that monster doesn’t knock her on her ass! I need to get her to let me send some rounds through that thing sometime to feel it out.” He replied with a smile, gently setting his old wooden guitar down, leaning it against the low edge of the rock outcropping before slinging his rifle free and bringing it to his shoulder to look out across the valley. “Ol’ Isabella ain’t never let me down, she’s like a lucky charm ‘s far as I’m concerned.”
“I know you said your ‘Pappy’ gave her to you for those competitions you two used to go to, but I don’t think you ever told me why it was that gun specifically.” I asked, nonchalantly setting my load down on top of the rock outcropping, doing my best to hide the wag in my tail as I tried to nudge him into rambling again. It was always cute when he got excited about something.
Same thing he said about me getting tail deep in oil, spare parts and burnt carbon.
“Ol’ Izzy? She’s a Henry Model ‘60. Same gun the ‘hero’ used in one of our favorite movies set back in the eighteen hundreds, or at least a really nice replica with some customizations Pappy and I had ‘our’ gunsmith down in town do.” He answered, slipping the lever down with the sweet sound of well maintained linkages and religiously oiled parts.
“What’d you have them do?” I asked, leering around his side to stare up at the rifle in his hands, my ears raised with interest as he lowered it and crouched to my height to show me.
“Most of it was to do with the action, bringin’ her up to competition grade. Lightening a few parts here, strengthening a few bolts there, tightening up some linkages over yonder. Cleaned out the rifling, added a loop lever and made the trigger feather weight. Top it all off with the blackout finish to make the gold pop against her ebony furniture and damn if she ain’t pretty.” He let out a chuckle as he polished a smudge from the rifle’s gleaming flank, a fond look on his face as he brought his eyes up to cast a gaze out across the mountain range. “Hell, Pappy always used to joke that she ‘was the only woman that boy’d ever need’. Mama never was a fan of that one...”
Stars I love it when he gets like this.
“Is that normal, for Humans?”
“Hmm?”
“Getting that attached to a firearm? Mama used to spend a whole half-claw taking her rifle apart, oiling it, checking the connections and making sure everything was right before putting it back together again. She said it helped calm her down when her leg hurt.”
“Firearms specifically? No, not really, most people just have something what’s important to them for one reason or another. Pa’s ol’ telescope was another gift from Pappy and whenever he gets stressed out he just sits there and stares up at the sky with it. Ma’ loves her ol’ mixer from the restaurant, anytime she gets wired she dives straight into making something to keep her hands busy…” He sighed as his hands tightened around the rifle for a moment before he leaned it against the rock outcrop and sat down. “For me, Izzy’s one of the few things that ain’t family that’s always been there and… she’s really the last thing I have of Pappy… Man, I miss him sometimes.”
“He sounds like he meant a lot to you, Heartwood… I wish I’d gotten to meet him.”
“He did, Darlin’... He sure did.”
Silence fell between the two of us as I slipped down to sit beside him, the only sounds around us those of the forest itself and the hollow, musical winds of the valleys beyond. Chris’ hand found my back, my tail slipping tight around his wrist as I pressed into him. Everything was quiet again as we watched the sun dip below the distant horizon, the spectrum of vibrant colors slipping away to the deep black-blue of night and its tapestry of stars.
Stars above but that moon was beautiful.
I’d seen it last time we were here, but not like this. This time it was massive, a glowing white spot-light casting down onto us, the rising mountains and the rest of Earth below it. A dusting of black dots zipped back and forth in front of it, Earth’s defenders settling into their final preparations as the Extermination fleet no doubt closed in.
Like it's trying to shine a little light of its own.
Michael had shown us video from one of Earth’s orbital telescopes of the U.N.’s opening salvo, a veritable basin of FTL propelled asteroids they had managed to drop from warp just in front of the fleet had sent them scampering out of the way as best they could. More than a few Federation ships had been turned to scrap-piles against the rocks while a few pawfuls more slammed into each other in their panic. It was crafty, that was certain, I’d never seen anything even close to it tried before in any of the history books I’d read. Humanity, it seemed, was pulling out all the stops they could think of.
I’d be lying if I said it didn’t give me at least a little hope.
“What was the movie?” I asked, breaking the silence with a whisper, doing my best to lift the mood back up to something positive. I nuzzled his neck gently before I rose, padding over to root around in the bag to find what Darlene had packed for us.
“Old western flick, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. ‘Bout a few outlaws durin’ the civil war a few hundred years ago tryin’ to steal a bunch of gold and what not. I’d show it to you but… well it’s kinda violent. Don’t think it even made it near the data-dump.”
“Heartwood, after what we’ve gone through I think a ‘rather violent’ movie is the least of things to be concerned about me bolting off for. Once this is all over I think a claw spent curled up in bed watching a movie would be well deserved.”
“Well… it’s a bit more than thaaaat.” He stated, his voice stretching as I heard the smile I knew was spreading on his face fill his voice clear as the river. “That’s the last movie in the saga, can’t just watch one!”
“Then we can make a whole paw of it!” I replied, my voice a happy, joking purr as I pulled the first platter of vegetables and ‘nut-cheeses’ from inside the bag before meandering back over to Chris. “Get some more of that ‘sushi’ from the place you won’t shut up about in Tokyo, put the movies on the holo-viewer in our cabin and just relax.”
“Damn if that don’t sound like a nice date night to me.” He replied, reaching up to snag a slice of apple from the tray as I set it on the rock in front of me.
He glanced over, meeting my eyes as we sat and watched the gathering storm in the void beyond, his voice strong and confident as he spoke, even if his inflection was still horrible. “I love you, Tai… Whatever happens, I love you.”
“I love you too, Chris.” I affirmed, staring back into his eyes before placing my crown gently to his forehead. “Whatever happens.”
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Going to court w my 23 y/o dtr tomorrow. Travel time abt 45 min. I’m in central time. We need to be there at 9:15am. She lives a few blocks from me, so that’s not an issue…we are riding together for solidarity 👊🏻. Esp. so that the MF’er who raped her knows she’s NOT alone. This is not a trial rather a plea/sentencing hearing. I’m proud of my girl. My mind is so active right now…I am going to try not to look at my phone. Bless y’all This busy mind I have along with all this is A LOT. Thanks for listening.

Not sure if this is normal or not lol.
For some context I take 100 mg of quetiapine/generic seroquel for sleep and 150 mg of the ER version to manage OCD and bipolar. I have anxiety as well but I’m not really treated for that. Also not sure of this matters but my OCD and bipolar are managed really well so that’s not really the issue.
I have always had extremely bad insomnia, it runs in my family but I have it the worst. Quetiapine is the only thing that’s managed to help me sleep, within the last 3 months I did up my dosage from 50 to 100 mg cause I developed a tolerance. Anyhow, falling asleep has gotten easier in some ways but harder in the sense I am tired but paranoid. I constantly need to look over my shoulder, and I often see shadows/figures. Usually they’re like blink and you’ll miss it but sometimes they are quite clear and I know they aren’t real but it’s there. I feel like that doesn’t make sense like I can acknowledge it’s not real but my eyes see it. To be clear I do check under my bed and in my closest before bed on occasion. Sometimes I will get sick of being scared, turn on my light, check to find nothing, get back in bed and then repeat the same over my shoulder process.
I have started hearing some voices. They are significantly less common. Every now and again I’d sometimes hear “name” in some unknown voice in my head. This has far predated my mental health struggles but again it was super rare. It happened twice in one night recently. It was my name and then later a sentence I do not remember, different voices.
I feel like to some extent this is normal? Like when you’re in the dark you’re gonna be more on edge, but my perspective on things is skewed. Any thoughts would be appreciated! I’d rather hear things from people who have similar struggles as opposed to my non mentally ill peers. I also don’t want to bring it up with my psychiatrist unless it’s like an actual issue.

As a diaspora Chinese who has been becoming more Chinese-literate recently, I've noticed some interesting things about dialects and accents that I just need to get to the bottom of.
My parents are S-E Chinese (coming from Jiangsu and Shanghai) and immigrated to the west in the 1980s. They speak standard Southern Mandarin and Shanghainese and I've grown up learning and hearing Mandarin spoken only with these regional features. I've been speaking with more Northern Chinese people and engaging with mainland shows/dramas as well as Taiwanese dramas - I've noticed that while we are mainlanders, I have a fairly difficult time understanding [new] mainland Mandarin. Instead, Taiwanese Mandarin seems to be the closest to what we speak at home despite none of us ever having set foot in Taiwan.
An example of some similarities/differences I have noticed is our use of the sharper "z"/"zh" and "s"/"sh" sounds + the near complete absence of the "er" suffix.
Just wondering if anybody has a linguistic or historical explanation for this as I find it super interesting!

https://www.belfastlive.co.uk/news/northern-ireland/man-accused-assaulting-train-conductor-29138061
A man charged with assaulting a train conductor and later posting a live stream of the incident on Facebook ‘saw red’ after he believed he was going to be late for a new job.
Stephen Weldon, age 34 with an address of Inniscarn Gardens in Newtownabbey, appeared at Ballymena Magistrates Court on Thursday charged with two counts of criminal damage and one count of assault occasioning grievous bodily harm.
Details of the alleged offences were heard in court as part of a bail application for Weldon, which was denied by District Judge Nigel Broderick.
A detective constable appearing in court said the PSNI were first alerted to a report of a train conductor being assaulted at around 9am on Wednesday 8 May.
The train conductor reported that he had been making his way through the carriages when he noted the defendant vaping a short time after getting on the train.
The conductor pointed out the no smoking signs and asked the defendant to leave the train.
After ‘fist-bumping’ the conductor on the way off the train onto the platform, the court heard that later the conductor was given a charger by a passenger which he believed to belong to the defendant.
While the train was on its return journey from Larne, the conductor stepped off the platform at Magheramourne after seeing Weldon in order to return the defendant’s charger.
It was then heard that Weldon had made comment to the conductor about whether there were any buses he could get, with the conductor replying that there might be.
The court then heard that the defendant struck the conductor ‘six or seven times’ in the head and face area with both feet and fists, including a kick which caused him to fall backwards into the closing doors of the train.
The victim of the assault was able to escape to the driver’s carriage and alert the police, who arrived soon after and arrested Weldon.
The court was told that Weldon had posted a live stream of the aftermath of the attack on his Facebook in which he is heard to say the conductor was ‘acting tough and got his ass whooped’.
A police constable told the court the video shows Weldon walking off the train and saying: “Fing motherfer, not so tough now are you? F***ing dick.”
The video then shows Weldon stamping on a cashbag on the ground as well as two mobile phones.
The victim was taken to hospital where he received a scan for a suspected broken jaw, which was not the case but his injuries included five chipped teeth, a large swollen area around his jaw, swelling to his head and bruising to his calf and arm.
During interview police say Weldon made admissions to assaulting the conductor after he had been told it was a 15 minute walk to his place of employment and then realised it was significantly longer.
The court heard it had been Weldon’s second day of a new job in Larne, and that he had been late on his first day and was in fear of losing his job.
Police say Weldon told them he had ‘seen red’ before kicking the victim, punched him twice in the ribs and dragged him off the train.
He told police the conductor’s attitude was ‘not right’ and that he was just trying to ‘be the alpha’ so Weldon wanted to show him ‘who was the bigger alpha’.
The court heard that Weldon has a criminal record, including two convictions for serious assaults.
Making an application for bail, a defence solicitor said his client had made admission that he had acted ‘totally irrationally’ but that any police concerns over interference with witnesses or risk of reoffending could be managed with strict bail conditions.
The defence stated that it was likely that the assault occasioning GBH may be downgraded to assault occasioning ABH given the victim’s injuries
The defence added that Weldon had acted improperly but that he had been in fear of losing his new employment, which it admitted was likely to be ‘gone’ following the incident.
Refusing bail, District Judge Broderick said the attack was a ‘wholly unwarranted assault on a public servant’ which represented a ‘terrifying’ experience for the victim.
The judge said in his view Weldon was not a suitable candidate for bail due to a risk of further offences and a high risk of a custodial sentence.
Expressing disagreement with the judge’s decision not to grant bail, Weldon shouted ‘scumbag’ at the judge while he was being led away.
He will appear in court again in four weeks time.

Today I (20M) went to the dentist to have a couple of cavities filled, and during everything they used laughing gas to help with the pain. While everything was basically painless, the feeling of the laughing gas brought back some hard memories. A couple months ago, I went to the ER because I was passing a kidney stone, and during everything, I was given a crap ton of strong painkillers, specifically Oxycodone and Fetenyll. For a few months after I passed the stone, I struggled to drop oxycodone, only really stopping about a month ago because I ran out of pills and I'm not really sure how to get more.
Not long after they started feeding me the laughing the gas, I started to shake uncontrollably for basically the entire procedure. Throughout everything, I was completely conscious of my surroundings, I just wasn't able to talk in more than one-word sentences or feel any part of my body. In short, I had a panic attack, but I wasn't able to physically say anything to anyone around me.
The dentist and my parents believe that I was shaking because the laughing gas messes with heat regulation, and that I was probably just cold. Usually most people after taking the gas, they're good to drive themselves home, but my mom basically had to drag me to the car and into my bed. Even after I got home, I had to lay in my bed for hours, not moving, shaking, unable to say anything.
I really want to tell them about what happened today, and why it happened the way it did, but to do that I would have to explain about the painkillers, and I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to do that, ever. I would also have to explain to them I've recently been having anxiety attacks, and how they're become more frequent and more intense. And somewhere between all of that, I would have to admit to them that I've been self-harming for years, due to a mix of depression/anxiety, and that I lied to them and my old therapist for years.
I'm so tired of having to hide my deteriorating mental health from everyone, both family and friends, and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up for. I can feel myself getting pushed to my breaking point soon, and I'm terrified of what that's going to look like. I've been trying to keep it to myself, so that they don't worry about me, since their lives are already busy enough, but right now it's not looking like that's going to work out.