Firefighter daughter poems

A Poem I Wrote

2024.05.14 03:14 alyssaoftheeast A Poem I Wrote

Hey girls!
I wrote this poem last year about my experience as a trans girl and didn't really have anywhere to share it. I thought this might resonate with somebody. TW: References to Transphobia
Her
Didn't you know she's a freak?
A twisted pervert in disguise
Insatiable in libido and debauchery
She carries more than meets the eyes
Didn't you know when she cums,
even the angels shriek?
Demons summoned with every kiss
Her cunning pillow talk so sweet
Didn't you know she's snipped and botched
Always drinking crack and snorting wine
This is how she stomachs herself
A chimera worse than Frankenstein
Didn't you know she peels the girls?
Wears them like an ill-fitting suit
Mockingly she parades around
Their birthright, her loot
Didn't you know she dabbles the children?
Stealing their innocence, their youth
They say she smells of rotting flesh
Who cares if it's the truth
Don't you know to be wary of her?
Depravity and deception in every breath
She's disgusting and worthless
A danger only acceptable in death
Horrid, putrid, sordid, lurid,
the lies we weave to excuse our hate
For cruelty cannot be worn with pride
Nor unfairness, a namesake
It's easy to burn the witch,
Stake the vamp, mock the shrew
Their guilt so clear you'll never question
If they're more innocent than you
Who is she? Who am I?
I am her, she is me.
A woman, a daughter, a soul
Trapped in psychosocial duality
The me that haunts their minds
The me that haunts my own
Both enemy and protagonist
Two narratives that can't atone
Everyone's story needs a villian
Someone to battle and defeat
I seem to play the role well
They say my performance can't be beat
So I will play the role,
Reluctantly accept the acclaim
As their showering roses
Turn to stones bringing bloodied pain
Maybe when the act is over
And curtain is finally drawn
They'll see the error of their belief
They'll see that they were wrong
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2024.05.13 21:20 SE7V7N IRAVINTE THOZHI (pt-1)

OKAY OKAY new day new story also atp I'd like to call this the not so lucky chronicles of nvm too big of an intro already soo here goes the story ehm ehm
12th was over and I was doing neet entrance preps (repeat) so basically wasting an year jus cause I couldn't face my ex [whole another story]
Apo angne irunn kure avumbo I meet this girl from kasargod and start talking away and she was like proper "bro" material like angottum ingottum ookal and it went ahead very smoothly.
Until AADUJEEVITHAM happened like I was watching the movie and was bored to death so I started texting her and somewhere around the interval she said "ente ponn vazhee...." istg my brain stopped braining for a second like maybe it's the way she said it or maybe it was me having hallucinations like najeeb did but everything changed after that
We started flirting and suddenly the cringe and corny lines felt like poems....angne kure naaal poi until one day I was like "she is too adipoli like what If some other idiot figures that out" and I asked her if I could ask her out....Apo she said "ask me neritt"
That wouldn't have been a problem if she was actually near but apolekum classes were over and she was back home and since her favourite movie was thattathin marayathu I collected all the vinod-ism in me and booked a train ticket to kasargod
And when I reached there I called her to let her know I'm there but she said she was out with her fam so I'd have to wait like 3 hrs before I go to her place soo I watched VARSHANGALKU SHESHAM and ohhh did I fall for "Madhoo pakaroo" and the line struck a string in my heart ayoooo😭
Angne full romance pidich I went to her place at like 10 pm (after the movie was over) and otw I had the dumb idea to ask a random naatukaran [evdeya etta ee ______ sthalam] and he was like "Nee eth naatina entha ivde" me being the idiot I was said "njn thrissurna friendine kaanan vanatha" [when she asked me not to talk to the people there]
Pinne onum parayanda njn avde RSS ayi when infact i didn't even know what it meant 😭
Random naatukaran : nee RSS aleda Me : ala etta njn CBSE ayrnu🥹 (In full confidence) [my name being of a Hindu deity and the place I was from in thrissur didn't help support my case]
Angne I was taken to the police station out of suspicion enitu since they didn't have proof and my only known associate was her...avlde uppa had to come to get me out and the problem was he was proper orthodox conservative dad and he didn't even know I existed....soo that didn't go well at all and my parents were called to take me back home.
Out of all the people that heard my story only one policeman was kind enough to understand the kind of idiot I was for coming all this way just to ask her to be my gf but he said "ninak vidichadh anel ninak kitum"
Long story short her dad shipped her to thodupuzha and since then no contact. Last I heard they were planning to get her married off soon after a year
And the way back home I was legit crying to this song not cause I put myself or my parents through this but cause "I COULDNT SEE HER" like she was my iravinte thozhi
And like I never got into a train or ever went to kasargod kannur or kozhikode after that thanks to the police also telling me "jeevanode kitiyath bagyam"
And then till now vere onilekum poi chaadila Like I keep waiting for call ipo varum naale varum kinda thing
Angne my friends seeing me be like this took me to idukki with em we had a blast and while coming back home we had board a train from aluva to thrissur (relatively short ride)
And since we were late we had to get into a sleeper and then walk our way to general but the doors to the general were closed (the ones connecting sleeper and general) so we had to stay back with some passengers
And this lady with a kid starts talking to me and she introduces me to her daughter who was also doing neet and they were going to kozhikode and this girl jus keeps talking to me like she knew me for decades and when we finally stopped (we ran out of casual questions to ask) I put on my headphones and madhoo pakaroo starts playing
She hears it and says it her favourite song (ik ik ithu matte padam ale moment njnum atha vijariche) so I give her a piece and we listen to it apolekum my stop arrives and she gets off too get to the general compartment with her fam and before going I look at her thinking [instagram ID choikano?] And for a moment it felt like she was waiting for me too pakshe I jus turned over and walked away
With a lot of sadness but while wearing a smile and I get out to the bus stand and start crying like without even thinking where I am and my friends come and hug me and I tell em "ipo njn okay ayada" [like they were convincing me to move on from the issue and her after the kasargod incident and be like "nee okay avada ithu vidd"]
Whoever she was acted as this closure I never got from the KSG girl and also ended my ptsd with the song the place and the train
I wouldn't ever understand why I never took a chance to ask her name but ig that's how things are sometimes...I was at the right place at the right time
I guess maybe I was destined to forever fall in love with people I couldn't have maybe there's a whole assortment of impossible people waiting for me to find them. Waiting to make me feel the same impossibility over and over again - [I read this somewhere]
And maybe I'll grow to regret not asking her all this but for a moment she said everything she had to say with her eyes and like someone said "the eyes chico they never lie" and if she didn't mean anything by that look
Maybe the way my eyes interpreted it was the point of difference hence my eyes were the one speaking the truth of my heart
Lesham cringe anenu ariyam pakshe angerr paranjapole premam enum painkilli aan 😌🥹
[Shubam]
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2024.05.13 20:06 SanderSo47 Part 1

As Reddit doesn't allow posts to exceed 40,000 characters, Eastwood's edition had to be split into two parts because his whole career cannot be ignored. The second part will be posted tomorrow.

Here's a new edition of "Directors at the Box Office", which seeks to explore the directors' trajectory at the box office and analyze their hits and bombs. I already talked about a few, and as I promised, it's Clint Eastwood's turn.
Eastwood was a troublemaker at school, and he had a bunch of odd jobs such as lifeguard, paper carrier, grocery clerk, forest firefighter, and golf caddy. In 1951, he was drafted into the United States Army during the Korean War and was discharged two years later. Through this, he got into contact with a Hollywood representative, who got him into acting classes and started his acting career. He got his start by starring in the hit show Rawhide, but he said he was exhausted by the experience. This caught the attention of some film producers and he decided to act in films directed by the then-unknown Sergio Leone. His career was on the rise, and then he got the chance to make his directorial debut.
From a box office perspective, how reliable was he to deliver a box office hit?
That's the point of this post. To analyze his career.

It should be noted that as he started his career in the 1970s, some of the domestic grosses here will be adjusted by inflation. The table with his highest grossing films, however, will be left in its unadjusted form, as the worldwide grosses are more difficult to adjust.

Play Misty for Me (1971)

"The scream you hear may be your own!"
His directorial debut. It stars Eastwood, Jessica Walter and Donna Mills, and follows a radio disc jockey being stalked by an obsessed female fan.
Before his colleague Irving Leonard died, he and Eastwood had discussed the idea of producing a film that was to give Eastwood the artistic control he desired, and his debut as a director. Eastwood said he was ready, "I stored away all the mistakes I made and saved up all the good things I learned, and now I know enough to control my own projects and get what I want out of actors."
The film was a huge success for Eastwood, and it also received positive reviews. So far, his directorial career was off to a great start.

High Plains Drifter (1973)

"They'd never forget the day he drifted into town."
His second film. The film stars Eastwood, Verna Bloom and Mariana Hill, and follows a mysterious stranger who metes out justice in a corrupt frontier mining town.
Eastwood reportedly liked the offbeat quality of the film's original nine-page proposal and approached Universal with the idea of directing it, which would make it his first directed Western. The screenplay was inspired by the real-life murder of Kitty Genovese in Queens in 1964, which eyewitnesses reportedly stood by and watched. Holes in the plot were filled in with black humor and allegory, influenced by Sergio Leone.
It was well received, and the film even surpassed Play Misty for Me at the box office. Eastwood was just going up.

Breezy (1973)

"Her name is Breezy."
His third film. It stars William Holden and Kay Lenz, and follows the relationship between a middle-aged real estate agent and a young hitchhiker.
This was his first directed film without starring on it. And his lack of presence certainly hurt the film; it received mixed reviews and flopped at the box office.

The Eiger Sanction (1975)

"His lifeline, held by the assassin he hunted."
His fourth film. Based on the novel by Trevanian, the film stars Eastwood, George Kennedy, Vonetta McGee, and Jack Cassidy. It follows Jonathan Hemlock, an art history professor, mountain climber, and former assassin once employed by a secret government agency, who is blackmailed into returning to his deadly profession for one last mission.
The film received mixed reactions for its writing, and it wasn't a box office success either.

The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976)

"An army of one."
His fifth film. Based on the novel Gone to Texas by Forrest Carter, it stars Eastwood, Chief Dan George, Sondra Locke, Bill McKinney and John Vernon. The film tells the story of Josey Wales, a Missouri farmer whose family is murdered by Union militia during the Civil War. Driven to revenge, Wales joins a Confederate guerrilla band and makes a name for himself as a feared gunfighter. After the war, all the fighters in Wales' group except for him surrender to Union soldiers, but the Confederates end up being massacred. Wales becomes an outlaw and is pursued by bounty hunters and Union soldiers as he tries to make a new life for himself.
Eastwood was fascinated by the novel and he bought the film rights, hoping to star on the film. He got Philip Kaufman involved as screenwriter and possible director, but left after disagreeing with Eastwood in the material adapted to the screen. Kaufman insisted on filming with a meticulous attention to detail, which caused disagreements with Eastwood, not to mention the attraction the two shared towards Locke and apparent jealousy on Kaufman's part in regard to their emerging relationship. This caused Eastwood to take over as the director. Kaufman's firing angered the DGA, as he did most of the pre-production, and sanctioning a $60,000 fine. This resulted in the Director's Guild passing a new rule, known as "the Eastwood Rule", which prohibits an actor or producer from firing the director and then personally taking on the director's role.
The film received critical acclaim, and in subsequent years, is ranked among Eastwood's greatest films. It was also a huge success at the box office, doubling his previous highest grossing film. It was also one of the few Western films to receive critical and commercial success in the 1970s at a time when the Western was thought to be dying as a major genre in Hollywood.

The Gauntlet (1977)

"The man in the middle of..."
His sixth film. It stars Eastwood, Sondra Locke, Pat Hingle, William Prince, Bill McKinney, and Mara Corday. It follows a down-and-out cop who falls in love with a prostitute, to whom he is assigned to escort from Las Vegas to Phoenix for her to testify against the mob.
While it received mixed reviews, it became another box office success for Eastwood, becoming his now highest grossing film.

Bronco Billy (1980)

"The most outrageous of 'em all."
His seventh film. The film stars Eastwood and Sondra Locke, and focuses on the financially-struggling owner of a traditional Wild West show and his new assistant.
It became another critical and commercial success for Eastwood, who referred to the film as one of his most affable shoots of his career.

Firefox (1982)

"The most devastating killing machine ever built... his job... steal it!"
His eighth film. Based on the novel by Craig Thomas, it stars Eastwood, Freddie Jones and David Huffman. The Soviets have developed a revolutionary new jet fighter, called "Firefox". Naturally, the British are worried that the jet will be used as a first-strike weapon, as rumors say that the jet is undetectable on radar. They send ex-Vietnam War pilot Mitchell Gant on a covert mission into the Soviet Union to steal the Firefox.
The film received mixed reviews, but it earned almost $47 million, becoming Eastwood's highest grossing title as director.

Honkytonk Man (1982)

"The boy is on his way to becoming a man. The man is on his way to becoming a legend."
His ninth film. It's based on the novel by Clancy Carlile, and it stars Eastwood and his son Kyle. It follows Red Stovall, a country music singer and composer. With his nephew Whit by his side, he travels to Nashville to perform at the Grand Ole Opry in the backdrop of the Great Depression.
While the film received acclaim, it earned just $4.4 million, becoming his second worst performer.

Sudden Impact (1983)

"Dirty Harry is at it again."
His tenth film. The fourth installment in the Dirty Harry series, directed, it stars Eastwood and Sondra Locke. The film tells the story of a gang rape victim who decides to seek revenge on her rapists 10 years after the attack by killing them one by one. Inspector Harry Callahan, famous for his unconventional and often brutal crime-fighting tactics, is tasked with tracking down the serial killer.
The film received mixed reviews from critics, but it earned over $150 million worldwide, Eastwood's first film to pass that milestone. It's also very popular for including the iconic catchphrase, "Go ahead, make my day."

Tightrope (1984)

"A cop on the edge..."
His 11th film. It stars Eastwood, Geneviève Bujold, Dan Hedaya, Alison Eastwood and Jennifer Beck, and follows a detective determined to hunt down a sadomasochistic serial killer of prostitutes.
The film became another critical and commercial success for Eastwood.

Pale Rider (1985)

"...And Hell followed with him."
His 12th film. It stars Eastwood, Michael Moriarty and Carrie Snodgress. A couple and their daughter, along with a few others, are driven out of Lahood, California, by goons working for a mining baron. However, a stranger enters their life to assist them in their fight.
There was no stopping Eastwood: another critical and commercial success.

Heartbreak Ridge (1986)

"The scars run deep."
His 13th film. It stars Eastwood, Marsha Mason, Everett McGill, and Mario Van Peebles. The story centers on a U.S. Marine nearing retirement who gets a platoon of undisciplined Marines into shape and leads them during the American invasion of Grenada in 1983.
The film was inspired by an account of American paratroopers of the 82nd Airborne Division using a pay telephone and a credit card to call in fire support during the invasion of Grenada, and fashioned a script of a Korean War veteran career Army non-commissioned officer passing on his values to a new generation of soldiers. Eastwood was interested in the script and asked his producer, Fritz Manes, to contact the US Army with a view of filming the movie at Fort Bragg. However, the Army read the script and refused to participate, due to Highway being portrayed as a hard drinker, divorced from his wife, and using unapproved motivational methods to his troops, an image the Army did not want.
It received mixed reviews, with some deeming the film as "imperialist propaganda". But it was still another box office success.

Bird (1988)

"There are no second acts in American lives."
His 14th film. The film stars Forest Whitaker and Diane Venora. It is constructed as a montage of scenes from saxophonist Charlie Parker's life, from his childhood in Kansas City, through his early death at the age of 34.
Eastwood, a lifelong fan of jazz, had been fascinated by Parker ever since seeing him perform live in Oakland in 1946. He approached Chan Parker, Bird's common-law wife on whose memoirs the script was based, for input, and she lent Eastwood and arranger Lennie Niehaus a collection of recordings from her private collection Before Eastwood was involved, Richard Pryor was originally cast as Parker.
Despitive positive reviews, it performed poorly, earning just $2.2 million in North America.

White Hunter Black Heart (1990)

"An adventure in obsession."
His 15th film. Based on the novel by Peter Viertel, it stars Eastwood, Jeff Fahey, George Dzundza, Alun Armstrong and Marisa Berenson. It follows a famous movie director, John Wilson, who goes to Africa to make his next movie. He is an obstinate, contrary director who'd rather hunt elephants than take care of his crew or movie. He has become obsessed with one particular elephant and cares for nothing else.
Despite positive reviews, it made just $2.3 million domestically, not even 10% of the budget.

The Rookie (1990)

His 16th film. The film stars Eastwood, Charlie Sheen, Raul Julia, SĂ´nia Braga, Lara Flynn Boyle, and Tom Skerritt. It follows a veteran police officer teamed up with a younger detective, whose intent is to take down a German crime lord in downtown Los Angeles, following months of investigation into an exotic car theft ring.
It received negative reviews for its acting and story, and it became another flop for Eastwood. That's three bombs in a row. Ouch.

Unforgiven (1992)

"Some legends will never be forgotten. Some wrongs can never be forgiven."
His 17th film. It stars Eastwood, Gene Hackman, Richard Harris and Morgan Freeman. It follows William Munny, a widower with two young kids, who was once a very vicious gunfighter who gave up everything after marriage. Now, a man named Schofield Kid brings him an offer that he cannot refuse, forcing him to come out of retirement for one last job.
David Webb Peoples wrote the script all the way back to 1976, and it was optioned by Francis Ford Coppola, but he lacked the funds needed to helm it. By Eastwood's own recollection, he was given the script in the "early 80s" although he did not immediately pursue it, because, according to him, "I thought I should do some other things first". Eastwood has long asserted that the film would be his last traditional Western, concerned that any future projects would simply rehash previous plotlines or imitate someone else's work. He dedicated the film to his close friends and mentors Sergio Leone and Don Siegel. Hackman initially refused to participate as his daughters were upset that he was starring in too many violent films, but he became fascinated by the script that he agreed.
It opened with $15 million and it legged all the way to $100 million after playing for almost one year, closing with $159 million worldwide, his now highest grossing film. The film received Eastwood's best reviews of his career, with many considering the film as his magnum opus as director. It received 9 Oscar nominations, and won four: Best Picture and Best Director for Eastwood, Best Supporting Actor for Hackman, and Best Film Editing. So Eastwood, on top of being a reliable box office draw, was now a 2-time Oscar winner.

A Perfect World (1993)

His 18th film. Kevin Costner, Eastwood and Laura Dern, and follows an escaped convict who takes a young boy hostage and attempts to escape on the road with the child, while being pursued by a Texas Ranger.
The film received critical acclaim, and has appeared as one of Eastwood's best films. The film disappointed in North America, but it earned up to $100 million overseas (Eastwood's first film to gross that much) and ended with $135 million worldwide.

The Bridges of Madison County (1995)

"The human heart has a way of making itself large again even after it's been broken into a million pieces."
His 19th film. Based on the novel by Robert James Waller, it stars Eastwood and Meryl Streep. The film is set in 1965, following a war bride, Francesca Johnson, who lives with her husband and two children on their Iowa farm. That year she meets National Geographic photojournalist, Robert Kincaid, who comes to Madison County, Iowa to photograph its historic covered bridges. With Francesca's family away for a short trip, the couple have an intense, four-day love affair.
It received more critical acclaim, and made over $180 million worldwide, becoming his highest grossing film. For her performance, Streep was nominated for an Oscar for Best Actress.

Absolute Power (1997)

His 20th film. Based on the novel by David Baldacci, it stars Eastwood, Gene Hackman, Ed Harris, Laura Linney, Judy Davis, Scott Glenn, Dennis Haysbert, and Richard Jenkins. It follows a master jewel thief who witnesses the killing of a woman by Secret Service agents.
It received mixed reviews, and disappointed at the box office.

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (1997)

"Welcome to Savannah, Georgia. A Ccty of hot nights and cold blooded murder."
His 21st film. Based on the book by John Berendt, it stars John Cusack and Kevin Spacey. It follows the story of antiques dealer Jim Williams, on trial for the killing of a male prostitute who was his lover. The multiple trials depicted in Berendt's book are combined into one trial for the film.
It received mediocre reviews, and flopped at the box office.

True Crime (1999)

His 22nd film. Based on the novel by Andrew Klavan, it stars Eastwood, Isaiah Washington, Denis Leary, LisaGay Hamilton and James Woods. It follows a journalist covering the execution of a death row inmate, only to discover that the convict may actually be innocent.
This was another project that received mediocre reviews and flopped at the box office.

Space Cowboys (2000)

"Boys will be boys."
His 23rd film. It stars Eastwood, Tommy Lee Jones, Donald Sutherland, and James Garner as four aging former test pilots who are sent into space to repair an old Soviet satellite.
It received very positive reviews, and earned over $128 million worldwide.

Blood Work (2002)

"He's a heartbeat away from catching the killer."
His 24th film. Based on the novel by Michael Connelly, it stars Eastwood, Jeff Daniels, Wanda De JesĂşs, and Anjelica Huston. It follows a retired FBI agent who recently had a heart transplant but still takes up the job to nab a killer.
It was another film with mediocre reviews and flop status.

Mystic River (2003)

"We bury our sins, we wash them clean."
His 25th film. Based on the novel by Dennis Lehane, it stars Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, Kevin Bacon, Laurence Fishburne, Marcia Gay Harden, and Laura Linney. It follows three childhood friends who are reunited 25 years later when one of them suffers a family tragedy.
Michael Keaton was originally cast in the role of Det. Sean Devine, and did several script readings with the cast, as well as his own research into the practices of the Massachusetts Police Department. However, creative differences between Keaton and Eastwood led to Keaton leaving the production. He was replaced by Kevin Bacon. This was the first film in which Eastwood would be credited as composer.
The film had a slow roll-out, but it was aided by strong word of mouth, closing with a wonderful $156 million worldwide. It also received acclaim, and was named as one of Eastwood's greatest films. Sean Penn received universal acclaim for his performance, with some naming it among the best acting of the century, particularly for one scene (if you watched it, you definitely know which scene). It received 6 Oscar nominations, including Best Picture and Best Director for Eastwood. It won two: Best Actor for Penn and Best Supporting Actor for Robbins.

Come back tomorrow for Part 2

MOVIES (FROM HIGHEST GROSSING TO LEAST GROSSING)

No. Movie Year Studio Domestic Total Overseas Total Worldwide Total Budget
x The Bridges of Madison County 1995 Warner Bros. $71,516,617 $110,500,000 $182,016,617 $22M
x Unforgiven 1992 Warner Bros. $101,167,799 $58,000,000 $159,167,799 $14.4M
x Mystic River 2003 Warner Bros. $90,135,191 $66,460,000 $156,595,191 $25M
x Sudden Impact 1983 Warner Bros. $67,642,693 $83,000,000 $150,642,693 $22M
x A Perfect World 1993 Warner Bros. $31,130,999 $104,000,000 $135,130,999 $30M
x Space Cowboys 2000 Warner Bros. $90,464,773 $38,419,359 $128,884,132 $60M
x Heartbreak Ridge 1986 Warner Bros. $42,724,017 $78,975,983 $121,700,000 $15M
x Absolute Power 1997 Sony $50,068,310 $42,700,000 $92,768,310 $50M
x Tightrope 1984 Warner Bros. $48,143,579 $0 $48,143,579 N/A
x Firefox 1982 Warner Bros. $46,708,276 $0 $46,708,276 $21M
x Pale Rider 1985 Warner Bros. $41,410,568 $0 $41,410,568 $6.9M
x The Gauntlet 1977 Warner Bros. $35,400,000 $0 $35,400,000 $5.5M
x The Outlaw Josey Wales 1976 Warner Bros. $31,800,000 $0 $31,800,000 $3.7M
x Blood Work 2002 Warner Bros. $26,235,081 $5,559,637 $31,794,718 $50M
x Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil 1997 Warner Bros. $25,105,255 $0 $25,105,255 $30M
x Bronco Billy 1980 Warner Bros. $24,265,659 $0 $24,265,659 $6.5M
x The Rookie 1990 Warner Bros. $21,633,874 $0 $21,633,874 $30M
x True Crime 1999 Warner Bros. $16,649,768 $0 $16,649,768 $55M
x High Plains Drifter 1973 Universal $15,700,000 $0 $15,700,000 $5.5M
x The Eiger Sanction 1975 Universal $14,200,000 $0 $14,200,000 $9M
x Play Misty for Me 1971 Universal $10,600,000 $0 $10,600,000 $950K
x Honkytonk Man 1982 Warner Bros. $4,484,991 $0 $4,484,991 $2M
x White Hunter Black Heart 1990 Warner Bros. $2,319,124 $0 $2,319,124 $24M
x Bird 1988 Warner Bros. $2,181,286 $0 $2,181,286 $14M
x Breezy 1973 Universal $200,000 $17,753 $217,753 $750K

The Verdict

Hope you liked this edition. You can find this and more in the wiki for this section.
The next director will be Robert Zemeckis. One of the biggest falls from grace.
I asked you to choose who else should be in the run and the comment with the most upvotes would be chosen. It had to be a controversial filmmaker. Well, we'll later talk about... Zack Snyder. Oh, BoxOffice chose fuego 🔥
This is the schedule for the following four:
Week Director Reasoning
May 20-26 Robert Zemeckis Can we get old Zemeckis back?
May 27-June 2 Richard Donner An influential figure of the 70s and 80s.
June 3-9 Ang Lee What happened to Lee?
June 10-16 Zack Snyder RIP Inbox.
Who should be next after Snyder? That's up to you.
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2024.05.13 12:18 ariel124836 Ex-judaism of ex-jew victims of the war being denied by the grieving friends and/or family, makes me worried my family would've behave the same if it was me

I don't see a thread about it, maybe I missed since I just recetly joined, and I need to vent, so I hope it's ok.
In the first days and weeks after the oct 7th my instagram have been blasted with religious figures and preachers trying to use the tragedy for their own sake. Just of the top of my head - people blaming the music festival goers for "dancing around a budha statue", people claiming that the shabat saved a couple of religious communities near the gaza border, people burning tank tops for being non-modest, etc. And one thing that have flooded my feed was a campaign of religous parents of a party victim calling for people to light shabat candles and keeping shabat because "that's the mitzva their daughter loved the most". Now, i don't know this partygoer, maybe she loved shabat, but it was a nature music festival in the very day of simchat torah (which happened to be shabat as well), someone who grew up religious and went there chose to distance themselves from jewish traditions, so I think it's more likely she didn't love shabat so much anymore, and that her family chose to remember her as the tzadikah she maybe was before leaving religion. And she wasn't the only one. There were many ex-jews in that festival because this kind of parties is kind of popular among ex-jews here in israel. You must've seen some of those "tehilim for iluy nishmat Moshe" or "keep shabath for Sarah" (fake names of course). I've also seen tweets of Haredi journalists about Yeshive buchers that were killed, ignoring the fact these boys left religion and suffered negligence from their families and friends. These stuff angered me to my core, in the first week I wrote some sort of a poem to post on facebook as a protest but ended up keeping it to myself, out of leftover fear in my agnostic mind that there may be a god and they may have a twisted kind of humor
But today this anger rose up again, it is memorial day in Israel so my feed is once again filled with victims faces and stories. One of the festival massacre victims was a good friend of my sister (and my whole family through that), i didn't really talked to her that much since high school, but i do know through social media and through my sister that she left religion and had an intense journey to find happiness and meaning in this world. So when I saw that the memorial projects for her had religious quotes about "god's glory across the earth" and how "god only puts you through tests you can overcome", and spreading Birkot Hashachar with her picture, all those feelings came up for an epic meltdown.
And yes, i'm obviously reflecting my fears or at least connecting to these victims through my own personal experience, I can't really assume stuff about someone I don't personally know. but Last week I found out my dad is in deep denial about me (he thinks I wouldn't eat a cheeseburger, Let alone pork), so i keep thinking, if I died in oct 7th or in any other way, would this be the way people remember me by? Prayers and psukim from tehilim and other stuff I don't believe in? Did I run away from religion and conservative values just for my realtives to erase everything i was by building a beit midrash in my name? Because I know they would. I don't have a family of my own yet and friends don't have the socially accepted justification to protest acts of religion of grieving parents.
I don't know why it bothers me so much, i'm very skeptical about an afterlife so why would I care about something that happens after i'm dead, but for some reason my living self can't stand the thought of my death being used to spread religious values. Would these ex-jew victims have felt the same if they knew? Is there even a way for me to fight for their memory as secular individuals without just inflicting my own believes and basically doing the same as the religious spreaders?
I don't realy have answers, as I said, it's a rant, I needed to share and it seems like the right place. Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes, it's the first time i wrote something this long in english.
submitted by ariel124836 to exjew [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 12:15 JG98 Shiv Kumar Batalvi, the most prolific Panjabi poet in modern history.

Shiv Kumar Batalvi, the most prolific Panjabi poet in modern history.
Shiv Kumar Batalvi (July 23 1936 - May 6 1973) was a Panjabi poet, writer, and playwright who left an undeniable mark on Panjabi literature despite his short life. He was born in Bara Pind Lohtian, situated in the Shakargarh Tehsil of Gurdaspur (now Narowal District). His father, Pandit Krishan Gopal Sharma, served as the village tehsildar in the revenue department, while his mother, Shanti Devi, was a homemaker.
From a young age, Shiv displayed a unique personality. He would often vanish for entire days, only to be found lying under trees by the riverbank near the local Mandir outside the village. He was deeply connected to nature. This fascination with the natural world, along with exposure to local renditions of the Hindu epic Ramayana, would later find expression in his poetry's rich imagery.
Batalvi appears to have been captivated by the sights and sounds of his rural surroundings. Wandering minstrel singers, snake charmers, and the like left a lasting impression on him. These elements would later become recurring metaphors in his poetry, imbuing it with a distinctly rural flavor and a deep connection to the Panjabi cultural landscape.
His idyllic childhood in rural Panjab was disrupted by the trauma of Partition in 1947. At the tender age of 11, he was uprooted from his birthplace and relocated with his family to Batala, Gurdaspur district in India. Here, his father continued his work as a patwari, a revenue official.
Following Partition, Shiv received his primary education in Batala. Though a bright student, his education lead him down an unconventional path. He completed his matriculation exams at Panjab University in 1953, showcasing his academic potential. However, his passion for writing and a restless spirit clashed with the confines of formal education. He embarked on a series of college enrollments, seeking an outlet for his creativity.
First, he enrolled in the F.Sc. program at Baring Union Christian College in Batala. However, his artistic temperament soon led him to S.N. College in Qadian, where he joined the Arts program, a better fit for his literary aspirations. Yet, even this program couldn't hold his attention for long, and he left in his second year.
Batalvi's search for the right educational path continued. He enrolled in a school at Baijnath, Himachal Pradesh, to pursue a diploma in Civil Engineering, seeking a more practical skillset. This venture also proved short-lived. Finally, he attempted to continue his studies at Govt. Ripudaman College in Nabha, but eventually left there as well.
Through these educational explorations, it's evident that Batalvi struggled to find a balance between societal expectations and his own artistic calling. Despite the lack of a traditional degree, his literary pursuits during this period flourished. He found his voice within the literary community and began composing and performing his emotionally charged ghazals and songs. These works, characterized by raw talent and deep emotion, captivated audiences and laid the foundation for his future success.
While still at Baijnath, Shiv had a life changing event that would shape the rest of his poetic career. At a fair, he met a young woman named Maina. Deeply affected by her, he later sought her out in her hometown, only to be met with the tragic news of her death. This profound loss inspired his elegy "Maina" and became a recurring theme in his work. The experience of separation and grief would fuel many of his future poems.
The 1950s saw Batalvi fully immerse himself in the world of poetry. He honed his craft, experimenting with different styles and gaining recognition for his romantic verses. By the 1960s, he had become a rising star. His magnum opus, the epic verse play "Loona" based on the legend of Puran Bhagat, was released in 1965. "Loona" became a masterpiece, establishing a new genre of modern Panjabi kissa (narrative poem). This critical acclaim culminated in 1967 when, at the young age of 31, Batalvi became the youngest recipient of the prestigious Sahitya Akademi Award.
While Shiv Kumar Batalvi's poetry wasn't just about heartbreak, it was a prominent theme. One of his most celebrated poems, "Main ik shikra yaar banaya" ("I made a hawk, my beloved"), was inspired by his unrequited love for the daughter of writer Gurbaksh Singh Preetlari. This young woman Panjab and married someone else. The poem's creation was sparked by the bittersweet news of her first child's birth. Interestingly, when asked if another poem would follow her second child's birth, Batalvi displayed his wit: "Have I become responsible for her? Am I to write a poem on her every time she gives birth to a child?" This anecdote highlights his artistic independence.
Batalvi's talent transcended language barriers. "Main ik shikra yaar banaya" is a Panjabi masterpiece, but its translations retain their beauty. Legendary singers like Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan and Jagjit Singh were drawn to his work, bringing his poetry to life through song.
Despite the themes of separation and longing in his poems, Batalvi found personal happiness. He married Aruna, a woman from Kiri Mangyal, Gurdaspur, in 1967. Shortly after his marriage, in 1968, Shiv relocated to Chandigarh where he began working as a professional for the State Bank of India. The couple would go onto have two children, named Meharban (1968) and Puja (1969).
Eager for a break from his routine life in Chandigarh, Batalvi eagerly accepted an invitation to visit England in May 1972. Upon arrival, he was met with celebrity status within the Panjabi community. Local Indian newspapers announced his visit with fanfare, and a series of public functions and private parties were organized in his honor.
Dr. Gupal Puri hosted the first major event in Coventry, attracting fans, fellow Panjabi poets, and even renowned artist S. Sobha Singh who traveled specifically to see Batalvi. The BBC even interviewed him during his stay.
While these events provided opportunities for the Panjabi community to connect with Batalvi, his health unfortunately took a turn for the worse. This trip, highlighted the struggles with alcoholism that had plagued him for some time. Late nights fueled by alcohol at parties and gatherings became a pattern. Despite waking up early and attempting to resume his day with "a couple of sips of Scotch," his habits seemed to exacerbate his existing health issues. This glimpse into his struggles in England foreshadowed the tragic toll his drinking would take on him soon thereafter.
Shiv Kumar Batalvi's return from England in September 1972 marked a turning point. His health had visibly deteriorated, and he became increasingly critical of what he perceived as unfair criticism of his poetry by some writers. Financial troubles added to his woes, and he felt a sense of abandonment from some friends.
Despite attempts to get medical treatment in Chandigarh and Amritsar, his health continued to decline. Unwilling to die in a hospital, he left against medical advice, seeking solace first in his family home in Batala and then in his wife's village, Kiri Mangial. Tragically, Shiv Kumar Batalvi succumbed to his illness, likely liver cirrhosis, in the early hours of May 6, 1973, in Kiri Mangial.
Even after his passing, Shiv Kumar Batalvi's legacy continued to grow. One of his poetry collections, titled "Alvida" (Farewell), was posthumously published in 1974 by Guru Nanak Dev University in Amritsar. His enduring impact is further reflected by the "Shiv Kumar Batalvi Award" for Best Writer, presented annually.
In Batala, the Shiv Kumar Batalvi Auditorium was constructed to commemorate the 75th anniversary of his birth. This world-class facility serves as a lasting tribute to his influence and aims to inspire future generations of Panjabi artists.
submitted by JG98 to punjab [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 06:01 Choice_Evidence1983 AITA because I told my neighbour’s kid to “F*ck Off!”

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Little_Feet1999
Originally posted to AITAH
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
AITA because I told my neighbour’s kid to “Fuck Off!”
Trigger Warnings: body injury, entitlement, verbal abuse toward a child
Original Post: March 26, 2024
I live on the top floor of a house. It’s a one bedroom and my boyfriend and I chop and change at where we decide to stay for some weekends. He has a 7 year old daughter but she doesn’t stay at mine because of the size…and the solid fact that we are not related, unless it’s an emergency and she has nowhere else to go. She’s visited. We’ve been together four years.
Downstairs is an unassuming family. A father, police officer, a mother, profession unknown, and a toddler. They are fairly quiet and utilise the space at the back for the child to run and play while I typically use and maintain the front yard. I’m not a child person and had refused their asks to babysit but do say hello to the adults when I see them. I wave to the child too.
The toddler is inquisitive. He tries to my open packages despite my saying how deeply inappropriate I find it (just bring it in, put it by the stairs and tell the kid to leave it alone) and most recently he has left some tacky toys on the stairs and there hasn’t been clean up. I’ve asked the parents to make their child tidy up because if I fall my insurance won’t be the ones paying. I have a joint condition and injure easily so don’t need the extra worry of some idiotic toy cars everywhere.
The child also has been constantly asking to go into my apartment to his mother, which she says “oH mY sWeEt BaBy, wE cAn AsK”. I’ve said no. I don’t like children. I don’t want one in my space. Running their sticky hands over my things. I don’t believe I owe them an explanation as to why I don’t want their child stinking my place up. I don’t believe I’m a teaching moment for their kid to learn boundaries and how he isn’t entitled to go wherever he wants to.
I shouted at him. Not only did he try to open yet another package (this one was a care package from my sisters as I live abroad) and screeched and cried “MiNe! MiNe!” to which I turned and said “No it isn’t yours. It is mine. Go away and find your parents.” before trying to ignore this pathetic tantrum and went inside. Only to be followed. EDIT with him trying to hit and bite. I turned around and said “Fuck off you annoying little brat. Cry to someone who gives a fuck!”. I then tripped on one of his stupid little toy cars and dislocated my knee. The toy was destroyed as it became dented and scratched because I stepped on it.
Of course the parents were horrified but I have, thus far, refused to engage. I have also had my packages rerouted to my boyfriend’s but he lives on LI and I live in Queens so it’s inconvenient. They called the landlord who reminded them that the opening of mail not addressed to them is a felony…
I’m sick and tired of parents who think their bratty children are entitled to go wherever they want, do whatever they want and touch whatever they want with their pinworm infested hands.
Just want to know though for my own sanity…AITA?
EDIT - I wish I hadn’t shouted at this child but my limit of asking the stairs to be clear, my packages to be left alone and my right to space respected were constantly violated. I don't want to be bitten and hit by a toddler because he can’t get his own way.
I also said I wasn’t a kid person not that I hated them. Not particularly enjoying the company of toddlers doesn't mean my boyfriend picked an absolute monster. A 7 year old isn’t a toddler. She has some respect for my space and isn’t a brat.
EDIT - I may have asked for judgement on the situation but I didn’t ask for judgement on my relationship. Jiggle your titties and flap those concerned vaginal lips elsewhere…the only person able to pass judgement on that is my boyfriend. Womp, womp ladies.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA, but YTA on her language toward the kid
Additional Information from OOP’s boyfriend on her relationship with his child
Boyfriend: “I am very aware of the situation thank you. I have been caring for my girlfriend since her damn knee dislocated (or are you expecting physical perfection from her as well as emotional?)! So how could I not be aware of how she acted?!
I am also aware that this child attempted to bite and hit my girlfriend. As a parent myself I have often warned my daughter that if she slaps me or my girlfriend she has to accept we are bigger than her and may hurt her if we act instinctively as humans do when confronted with an attack or pain. No adult is perfect. I have screamed at my daughter on more than one occasion during misbehaviour. I also accept my girlfriend is not perfect. She doesn’t have to love kids, that’s fine. She is however great with my daughter. She has never really been childish with her and spoke to her more like an adult, an equal, which I actually admire. Maybe know she keeps drawings from my daughter. My daughter loves drawing the flowers in the front yard my girlfriend mentioned she maintains. She doesn’t have to keep them.
Keep your nose out and my daughter and I’s name out of your mouth. How she acted with the child downstairs, however regrettable, is not how she acts with my child. As a parent even I would shout at a child acting aggressively. We are not required to like or love children that have no connection to us. From my standpoint this kid needs a spanking and a good shouting at. So do the parents quite honestly.”
Comments
OOP on being accused for escalating toward the child
OOP: You weren’t there. Please don't twist things when you were not present. I escalated nothing. I took my parcel back and went inside. He followed and hit and made attempts to bite, I turned and shouted and then dislocated my knee on his toy. The escalator was the child. No one else. I wish I hadn’t shouted but I was pushed to my limit.
OOP on if she knows why the child was left unsupervised
OOP: I don’t know why the child was outside unsupervised. I don’t really care and it’s not my problem. While I admit shouting was wrong children also need to learn the consequences of horrible behaviour like hitting and attempting to bite. They may get hit back or shouted at. The parents were asked multiple times to tell their child to leave my things alone and to keep the stairs clear. I lost it because their child was aggressive and this situation was weeks in the making.
 
Update: May 6, 2024
Update
So I posted my experience with my downstairs neighbours and their child. Go and see that post for the full picture.
https://www.reddit.com/AITAH/comments/1bokg6o/aita_because_i_told_my_neighbours_kid_to_fck_off/
I have since returned home from being cared for by my boyfriend and the issue has somewhat, though not quite, resolved. When I got back the first thing I saw was the child (4m) playing on the steps up to my apartment with his toys. Furiously my boyfriend knocks on the door and tells the mother to stop this nonsense and if we see any toys on the steps again they will be thrown out. The child is removed, kicking and screaming. When we got back we brought with us a lockbox for my parcels.
We had a conversation with our landlord who issued the family with a warning, as points of egress need to be kept clear and that allowing the child to fully open my packages is indeed illegal (though hardly able to be punished). Accidents do happen, I am aware, but they don’t happen more than three times. I also passed on my insurance bill to them because I refuse to pay for being in an accident that was wholly preventable by them.
I’m also in PT for my knee and back and am not paying for that either. The door leading to the stairs of my upstairs apartment has been fixed so the child cannot play there. This has upset the mother in particular who fully said “I want to teach my child that everyone loves and accepts him.”
“I don’t love your child.” I replied (something to this effect), “He doesn’t mean anything to me beyond the fact he is the child of my neighbours. You don’t love me, do you? You didn’t even listen when I expressed concern about toys on the steps or your child constantly throwing tantrums when I take my packages from him.”
I honestly couldn’t believe the entitlement. The father was not happy with our responses to each other but didn’t speak up. We left it at that and later, like a few days, I am sitting outside with my boyfriend and his child (7f) as they played with a frisbee. The downstairs child comes over trying to play, bf’s child says no (fair, she just wanted to play with her dad alone) and he is told to go back inside (because we are not responsible for some random four year old). The kid pitches a fit so my boyfriend goes to knock on the door to ask the mother to come get him, she insists we play with him. We insist we are not obligated to do so. The child has already hit my bf’s kid and she angrily shoved him over, gave him a slap back, and screamed to go away and he ruined their game.
Immediately my bf goes over to his child and tells the other one to go to his mum. We point blank refused to entertain this child and told them to leave us alone. If bf’s child was OK playing with the downstairs child neither of us would’ve intervened. She didn’t though. She also shouldn’t be forced to play with an aggressive and, quite frankly, vile little boy. I’m glad she slapped him actually. Since then the child has left us alone.
Now I was wondering before this if I was the AH but quite honestly I know for a fact no one would blame my bf’s child for lack of emotional control so why blame a childfree adult who has reached a limit? The situation as explained in my original post was weeks in the making. I’ve also read a few other posts about parents screaming at their children and it’s all “yOu’Re A bEaUtiFuL MaMa BeAr! DoN’t BeAt YoUrSeLf Up! wE pArEnTs ArE nOt PeRfEcT!” So then…why is a childfree adult suddenly a monster for not offering some random brat endless patience? Your bitchy baby isn’t entitled to anything from others, let alone free care, endless patience (when even you can’t offer that), attention and love. That’s on you.
Thank you to those who actually could read between the lines and didn’t think I was a psycho for not enjoying childish behaviour or losing it with him. I’m going to watch my bf’s child draw some flowers in the front yard now.
Comments
Sea_Firefighter_4598: NTA. Teaching your child that everyone loves them might have some very unpleasant results. The kid might go with the nice man for the candy and to see his puppy. Mama is a piece of work.
I'm not sure about being able to get your bill paid though.
Old-Run-9523: It's wild to me that they're letting a four-year-old be outside their flat unsupervised to the point that you have to knock on their door to alert them of his behavior.
Secret_Double_9239: I hope you get your medical bill covered. They need to realise that you owe them nothing and that there failure to act appropriately in the first place has resulted in the ruin of all potential for a friendly neighbour relationship.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 05:37 Otherwise_Focus6930 I don’t have a title yet

Shame, a heavy weight upon my chest; All her love, my heart cannot digest.
Am I too distant, too cold to care? Or is there still warmth, buried somewhere?
How can I even repay the debts I owe, When my heart is infertile, and love won’t grow? I’ve longed to hold her hands– and at her eyes, say: “For you, I feel, I care, in every way.”
In her look, I see my reflection, A wandering hollow, where love should find affection.
Through the struggle we find our way, A mother’s love, a daughter’s stray. No matter how bad, we make amends, In her arms, a love that mends.
With each sunrise, a new beginning, A new chance to heal, a new living.
In her solace, I find my guide, A unique love, yet never denied. Shame may weigh upon my chest, But in the end, in her love I find my rest.
I wrote this poem and it is about the shame for struggling to express feelings to your loving mother. I’m just a freshman still learning how to write poems so pls be nice 😅🥲
submitted by Otherwise_Focus6930 to Poems [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 05:16 greentealeafy please help me find this poem! [HELP]

Saw a tiktok video I can’t find again about a daughter who brought home a card for mother’s day and glued inside was a very emotional poem about your child growing up one year at a time until they graduate and become an adult. It went along the lines of that poem “when i turn six” where it outlined each year but it was much longer and more so about your child growing up faster than you realized. If anyone can find it I would be very appreciative!!
submitted by greentealeafy to Poetry [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 02:48 Beginning_Mood_9803 I’ve waited decades for HRT and it’s very surreal it is starting in a week

(*I did my makeup here but used FaceApp for the skin and hair!)
I was raised conservative and Christian. I even went to a private Christian high school. I had written a very dark poem that I don’t even remember what it said…but I do remember how I accidentally left it in class and someone anonymously turned it in which triggered a meeting w me, my parents and the principle. My dad was so upset that my mom was so sad that I learned early on to “keep up appearances”.
Some of the usual suspects: Sneaking into moms shoes at a young age, when older I was sneaking into my sisters wardrobes. When one got married, I hated what I was wearing and was so envious of her wedding dress. I played video games as female characters (and still do even at 53 now). I was jealous of the cheerleaders in high school, as an adult I almost always went as a female character for Halloween like Elsa from frozen, Supergirl or Alice in Wonderland…the list goes on.
It was probably that last costume listed that I started thinking it was more than just cross dressing. I remember coming home from that and crying (again, adult) as I didn’t want to take that look off my face. I didn’t know it at the time but that was gender dysphoria.
I rarely dated as although I liked women and still do, there was something different in how I’d relate with them. I pushed things down, binged and purged clothes and makeup more than I can remember. Eventually about 20 yrs ago I started almost exclusively going out with women who were trans. I know there are a lot of creepy chasers out there but in my case, looking at all the signs over the years, I was clearly trying to see THEIR life, and sadly kind of live my life vicariously through them I guess. I even ended up marrying a woman that is trans and still am after five years. She knew about my background beforehand but I was still trying to convince myself and her that it was just sporadic cross dressing.
At my work, I am allowed to wear nail polish and at first I felt paranoid about this and only did a few days a week and by now it’s pretty much 24/7 where I often forget I’m even wearing it. My dysphoria starting shooting up drastically then and I suddenly started really (allowing?) getting jealous of women’s clothes and body shapes. I’d feel awful about it but it was and is relentless. Around this time my wife was getting breast implants and I found myself happy for her but almost immediately I got extremely envious. Once again the person I married was essentially living the life I wish I started DECADES ago and I hadn’t even started HRT. I wouldn’t allow myself to even consider it.
Well there was an unrelated crisis months ago where we both went into individual therapy. And one thing, the main thing, that came out of mine is that to no surprise at all getting diagnosed with gender dysphoria.
I have an appointment that was made MONTHS ago (Florida, enough said) and it’s finally a week away as of tomorrow. To say that I am excited, scared, worried and so many other adjectives is a huge understatement. I’m not going to chicken out but man my wife and I will likely be getting divorced (still be friends) and my family still doesn’t even know as they will likely be blindsighted. I predict my mom will cry and my older sister will get mad but maybe I’m wrong. My brother cut me off five years ago when he found out I was marrying someone trans. The one person in my family who DOES know this about me is my younger sister who I’m closest to. Fortunately she and I are the same politically and culturally.
Have any of you that are on HRT actually waited a certain number of months (or even a year or more?) to tell family so that you could tell how it was making you feel mentally while on it so you could know 100% you weren’t one of the rare people that STOPS taking HRT? I just don’t know when and how to break something so life changing to them. And they are in California so I can’t exactly have a face to face meeting unfortunately. Did any of you get on a video call and tell your mom or dad? My younger sister has agreed to support me in this way if I do it when she is available to be at my moms for a call. Originally I was going to call May 1. Then I thought day of the first injection on May 20…but again now I’m wondering if I should wait at least two or three months to see how I’m feeling and looking. But I’m also afraid if I wait too long that they will next see me and I will look androgynous or something. I don’t usually see them more than once every 2-3 years and I will likely look VERY different by then.
Thank you for those that made it to the end of this, I’m sorry it was so long. I’m very excited but very stressed about all the likely fallout from this too. I can only hope that because I had married someone who is trans that they don’t think she suddenly made me this way but instead that maybe it will soften the shock with it being closer in the family than a transgender daughter in law or sister in law when they essentially always had another daughtesister in our family.
submitted by Beginning_Mood_9803 to TransLater [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 00:47 Adrenalinedoper I had to narcan my brother after he overdosed yesterday. I’m an EMT and it was my first time using narcan.

I was woken up by the sounds of helplesness as my grandma called my name and pounded on my door. The room was blackened by blackout curtains and the sound was muffled by the tv that was still on from when I fell asleep. I heard my mom’s blood curling scream and cries as she called my brother’s name and I was instantly awake and went into action. It was lucky I woke up. My door was locked and I was in a dead sleep. I am a deep sleeper and I am not an early riser. It was very early. I run out of my room and I already know what it probably is. My mom tells me to come quick and I run to the bathroom and I see my brother sitting down cross cross apple sauce on the bathroom floor with his head on the ground as his upper body is slumped over himself. He is blue and not breathing. My mother is besides herself and I am the only one capable of helping my brother.
That thought scares me because I never thought that someone else (in my family) would NEED me for this situation before. Narcan is easy to administer, but the way he was positioned made it impossible to administer narcan unless they physically picked up his upper body. My mom just had surgery on Monday (this was Friday) and she had a big incision on her tummy. She couldn’t lift over 5 pounds. The other person who was home was my grandma and she was too old and weak to lift him. Even though they were trained on what to do, they couldn’t do it. Even if they could physically lift and administer the narcan, I realized that they were panicking and they wouldn’t be able to mentally do it. They panicked so badly that my mom called her husband to come home from work for the day bc she needs to lean on him. Then she called her friend and asked what to do. She did this as I was in the bathroom with my brother.
As I entered the bathroom, I just immediately knew what to do and I went into action without thinking too much. I’ve never done this before as an EMT. I was relying on my training but even in training, I’ve never physically touched or saw the narcan bottle or even practiced on a dummy. All we did was read about it. Luckily I took it upon myself to get familiar with what it looked like on my own time. My mind was going a million miles per hour but I constantly calmed myself by narrating the steps I had to take with my body to help him. My mind was full of adrenalin and when I went to open the package of narcan, my hands were shaking but I couldn’t control it. I was surprised to see my hands shaking so much but I ignored it and pushed through. I felt like it took me eternity to get the package opened but in reality it was instantaneous. When I saw my hands shaking, I told myself I need to calm my body so that I can get this thing opened. So I went slower than my primal brain wanted to so I could focus on the task of opening the box. It just felt like a long time and a struggle to open but it was fast as hell as my mom said. She said she didn’t even know it was in a package. I just ripped it right out immediately according to her. my mom was standing in the bathroom with me watching, and after I got the narcan opened, I sat down with my brother and I hauled his upper half into my arms with me and I leaned us against the wall. But I had to keep holding onto him so he wouldn’t fall forward. He was dead weight. I immediately stuck the nasal tip into his nose and then I stopped and turned to my mom and told her to leave the bathroom Incase he wakes up combative or throws up etc. she left right away and I pushed the narcan. I was surprised at how fast it plummeted up into his brain. It felt as though it had a spring in it and I felt a huge sense of relief yet fear at the same time. I didn’t know what to expect after this.
He didn’t wake up instantaneously as my EMS friends have told me would happen. I went to get another dose. This time I knew I couldn’t mess it up so I actually took the instructions out. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to read instructions on how to save a loved ones life when they aren’t breathing, but it is probably one of the most physically and mentally challenging things one can ever do. Adrenaline doesn’t care about reading. I skipped over all the parts I already knew and I don’t even remember reading them. I just somehow knew the words. Ive never read so fast in my entire life and the pictures helped a ton. I had to slow my mind and again, I forced myself to go slower than I thought I should and just then, I saw what I needed to do- I had to lay him down before administering the narcan. I tried to figure out what I did wrong and what I could do better this time now that a dose was administered and I had more time. And I figured out the one thing I could have done better. So I go to position his body in the supine position and just then, he wakes up. I have narcan in my hand and he has heroin in tin foil in his. He looks confused and groggy. His color returned. I ask if he knows where he is and he said yes. I ask where. He can’t answer. I tell him he overdosed. He says no. I say you weren’t breathing. He just stares at the ground in disbelief. I tell him I love him and I’m so glad he’s alive and he tells me he loves me too. He keeps repeating “I’m fine” my mom is still on the phone with her friend and I tell her to call 911 right now and get off the phone with her friend. She does so. I tell everyone that the narcan won’t last forever and he needs to get to a hospital.
911 shows up and he goes to the hospital. He is okay now but still using. One of the cops randomly accused me of using drugs as well. I was sitting on the couch and he singled me out and asked “when is the last time you used as well?!” I said “I don’t use drugs” Barely giving him attention as all the other officers and firefighter are focused on my brother. he replies back with an attitude. “Well your pupils are pinpoint” keep in mind I am an EMT and this officer is 20 feet away from me. Not to mention the door is opened and the sunlight is coming in the house and I JUST woke up from a dark room. And I have dark eyes. I know he is bullshitting. I look at my eyes and I say they are normal. I say “you’re really going to accuse me of using drugs right now in this situation? Help my brother” and then he said “I wasn’t accusing I was asking” I said “no you accusing because you asked me when the last time I used was. I don’t use drugs. I am a first responder. Now do your job and take care of my brother” I say it sternly but appropriately as he stepped out of line and started and carried on an argument that should have never happened. I know what a cop should and should not act like on a scene like this and I don’ t look like an addict at all. He should know what they look like. Then he just EXPLODES in emotion and anger and says “I AM DOING MY FUCKING JOB—“ my mom cuts him off and yells at him “my daughter just saved my son’s life! a lot more than could be said for you, she is a straight A student in premed, not to mention an EMT. get out of my house. GET HIM OUT. I WANT HIM OUT GET HIM OUT NOW” and he was kicked off the scene by other officers and firefighters/medics and forced out of our house.
In the end, the cop being a jackass made everything so much worse in this traumatic experience. I got his badge number and took a picture. Still haven reported him but I will. He may have given me ptsd bc when I look back, the officer was the worst part.
submitted by Adrenalinedoper to SiblingsOfAddicts [link] [comments]


2024.05.12 23:18 Agreeable-Piano3319 I am so unhappy in my marriage. I don’t know if there is any hope.

I am at the point where I don’t want to be married to my husband anymore, the romance is non existent and there is no communication. But due to our circumstances I feel trapped because I don’t know how I could ever financially survive on my own.
DH and I have been together for 9 years, and we share 3 children together DS (5), DD1 (3) and DD2 (3mts). To give context to the current situation I feel like I need to give some history.
2018/ 2019- found out I was pregnant with DS. I was currently working as a freelance bookkeeper and I was working towards my Masters in Psychology. It was becoming difficult to work full time and do school, then with the pregnancy we decided that I would take some time off school. Save some money and we purchased a house.
2020 - DS was born and 6 months later we found out I was pregnant with DD1 (DS and DD1 are 17 months apart). I continued to work from home with DS and during my entire pregnancy.
2021 - DD1 was born and roughly 6 months after she was born DS was diagnosed with Level 2 Autism and is still currently non-verbal. I took maternity leave with my daughter for a year and a half.
2022 - DH and I decided that I would not be able to work due to DS’s condition. I am currently his caregiver. He cannot attend school or daycare. Due to this choice and with my mat leave ending we decided to take a second mortgage on our house and pay for DH to do firefighting schooling. DH is also a master electrician. The plan was for him to do firefighting (which is only 7 days a month) and then electrical work on the side. Unfortunately where we live there is no funding for autism therapy, it is all out of pocket. Which this last year was $75,000.00. There is no way we can afford to help our son on just my husbands salary. Let alone even live with the current cost of living in Canada.
2023/2024 - DH failed at firefighting, all his certifications have now expired and that was a waste of $40,000.00. He refused to get off the couch and get in shape to get hired anywhere. His business is also a failure, he has wasted so much money, does not know how to manage staff. We are at the point where he cannot make his bills weekly, and he just keeps taking high interest loans. He is digging us in a major financial hole and there is no discussing this with him. The best part is he owes the government $100,000 we are personally liable for with no way of paying. So if we can’t pay it the government could take our house and we are homeless with 3 kids. He now wants to max out all of my credit cards and line of credit, which I have said no.
I am upset with DH because instead of working hard to run this business he spends every night laying on the couch watch sports or movies drinking beer. I have been telling him this is going to happen. Begging him to bid on jobs or market his company. He has refused. But now I get told it’s my fault we are in this position because I don’t work (even though I do all the admin for his company and bookkeeping, with 3 kids and one with special needs, with cooking and cleaning. I am exhausted). So it’s my fault. I am the loser who didn’t finish her degree.
I can’t stand this man. He’s an alcoholic and has just destroyed our lives. I have tried to talk to him and say how can it be fair that I have ties my life to yours, not to mention our children, and I just have no say. But how can I leave when I can’t work.
Is it completely dated to just want a real man who grinds for his family? Who can work hard and provide?
submitted by Agreeable-Piano3319 to JustNoSO [link] [comments]


2024.05.12 14:45 Cheap_Coffee Boston Globe: Riots, arson, and executions: Immigrants have long faced a hostile reception in Mass.

Boston Globe
A burned convent in Charlestown. The execution of two Italian anarchists. Harassment of businesses in Chinatown. Antisemitic beatings in Dorchester and Roxbury. Vandalism targeting Cambodian refugees in Fields Corner.
Currently buffeted by waves of immigrants, and the scattered patches of concern and resistance that have followed, Massachusetts has a painful history of newcomers being met with violent resistance that lives alongside the region’s legacy as a beacon of liberty and a sanctuary for the oppressed.
Xenophobia. Racism. Riots. Murder. In Boston’s immigration story, it’s all there. Also courage, resilience, privation and pluck — and the gradual acceptance of some newcomers and their rise to to social and political influence.
It is, in short, not a new story but one we should know.
“Even the Puritans were very distrustful of outsiders,” said William C. Leonard, a professor of Boston history at Emmanuel College.
The ongoing migrant crisis has resulted in families sleeping on the floor of Logan Airport as state and local authorities scramble to find accommodations in an already overtaxed shelter system. It has also provoked pushback in some quarters.
Massachusetts-based resettlement agencies logged more than 11,000 migrants from October 2022 through September 2023, the federal fiscal year, but state officials don’t know for sure how many migrants are actually arriving.
It’s unclear what the long-term impact of this influx will be. But what is undeniable, according to Jonathan Sarna, a history professor at Brandeis University, is that immigration changes the social, cultural, and demographic fabric of communities.
“When I hear broad criticisms of today’s immigrants, one has déja vu,” said Sarna during a recent phone interview.
Marilynn S. Johnson, a Boston College research professor made a similar observation., “Boston was a real center of immigration and continues to be,” she said, “and that often brings about negative responses.”
“And it’s also been a place that’s had economic ups and downs; when that collides with immigration, it can produce a lot of resentments,” said Johnson, co-director of Global Boston, a digital project at Boston College that chronicles the history of immigration in the region.
Today, Johnson said, the region’s housing crisis may be contributing to unease. Where will all the new arrivals live? And who will foot the bill? Governor Maura Healey’s administration has projected it will cost $915 million to run the state’s emergency shelter system at current levels during the fiscal year that begins July 1.
“I don’t want to say everyone who is opposed to migrants coming in is necessarily racist or nativist,” Johnson said, “because there are real problems here in terms of the housing situation.”
“Often people feel like their communities are overrun, and there’s no support forthcoming from the federal government because of all the gridlock in Washington,” she said. “So it is a source of frustration, but it’s one that we’ve seen before in the past.”
Indeed, one of the earliest and most-cited instances of violent xenophobia locally is the burning down of a Catholic convent in a section of then-Charlestown, now Somerville, by an angry Protestant mob in 1834, in the middle of a decade when the number of Irish Catholics in the city doubled. That brought about religious and ethnic tensions and stoked stories of papist plots on street corners and in taverns.
The burning of the Ursuline Convent was a precursor to fierce anti-Catholicism in the years to come, as the Irish continued to pour into Boston. Three years later, a huge Irish funeral procession and a group of Yankee firefighters engaged in a brawl so large and violent that it took 800 armed troops to restore order in what would become known as the Broad Street riot. In the 1840s, in the midst of the Great Famine in Ireland, a stream of new arrivals were met with a fierce local backlash. (J. Anthony Lukas’s Pulitzer Prize-winning nonfiction book “Common Ground” has 130,000 Irish disembarking at the port of Boston between 1846 and 1856.)
“Our country is literally being overrun with the miserable, vicious, and unclean paupers of the old country,” The Bunker Hill Aurora newspaper in Charlestown proclaimed in 1847.
In the 1890s, as newcomers from Italy and southeastern Europe arrived at a time of sweeping industrialization and urbanization, a trio of Boston Brahmin intellectuals founded the Immigration Restriction League, which laid the intellectual groundwork for many contemporary hardline anti-immigration beliefs.
The league’s great ally in Washington, Henry Cabot Lodge, a well-known US senator from Massachusetts and a Boston Brahmin, was known as a staunch, anti-immigrant nationalist during his political career. In 1891, Lodge wrote that immigration was increasing at that time, adding that “it is making its relative increase from races most alien to the body of the American people and from the lowest and most illiterate classes among those races.”
“In other words, it is apparent that, while our immigration is increasing, it is showing at the same time a marked tendency to deteriorate in character,” he wrote.
Lodge also hailed the 1882 Chinese Exclusion Act, which prohibited new immigration from China and blocked those already here from becoming naturalized citizens. The wisdom of the act, Lodge wrote, “everybody now admits.”
In the decades after that act, police routinely raided businesses in Boston’s Chinatown, searching for people who may have entered the US illegally. In one such raid, in 1903, police cordoned off the neighborhood as authorities burst into houses and businesses alike without warrants, according to Boston College researchers. Of the 234 people arrested by police during that raid, 50 were deported.
The trial and execution of Nicola Sacco and Bartolomeo Vanzetti, both Italian immigrants and anarchists, in Massachusetts in the 1920s is still debated today.
Despite their pleas of innocence, they were convicted and sentenced to die in the electric chair for fatally shooting two people during an armed robbery in Braintree. Political dissidents, unionists, Italian immigrants, and other supporters — including poet Edna St. Vincent Millay — demonstrated across the US and Europe, arguing the two were targeted for their political beliefs and immigrant status. Decades later, Governor Michael Dukakis said their trial “was permeated by prejudice against foreigners and hostility toward unorthodox political views.”
Additionally, the Ku Klux Klan established a foothold locally in the early decades of the 20th century. By 1925, the KKK had more than 130,000 members in Massachusetts, according to research from historian Mark Paul Richard, with the group taking aim at Catholic and Jewish immigrants as well as Black people.
Indeed, antisemitism found a home in Greater Boston, and it festered as the region’s Jewish population grew. During World War II, bands of Irish Catholic youths assaulted Jewish people in Dorchester, Roxbury, and Mattapan, according to one historian. The New York-based Yiddish daily newspaper The Day referred to the violence in Dorchester as “a series of small pogroms,” according to American Jewish History.
Driven from their homelands by war and genocide, Vietnamese and Cambodian refugees began arriving in larger numbers in the late 1970s and 1980s, carving out enclaves in Dorchester’s Fields Corner and Lowell. During the 1980s in Massachusetts, at least three Asian refugees were killed by white assailants, according to media coverage of the time.
Unrest in Latin America has dramatically altered Greater Boston’s demographics in recent decades. In the 1980s, Chelsea’s Latino population surged as thousands of refugees fleeing violence and civil wars in El Salvador, Honduras, and Guatemala settled in.
Lorna Rivera, director for the GastĂłn Institute for Latino Community Development & Public Policy at the University of Massachusetts Boston, said Latinos locally have faced discrimination in housing, employment, health care, and education.
“Immigrants have always been the scapegoat,” she said. “Always.”
In 1984, a race riot erupted in Lawrence, when a blue-collar neighborhood erupted into multiple nights of violent turmoil. The spark was believed to be an argument between different groups about a broken car windshield that spiraled out of control. In a front-page dispatch, The New York Times reported, “Dozens of young Hispanic residents and some of their parents spoke bitterly of the prejudices they said they faced from whites. They spoke of trouble finding jobs and of harassment by the Lawrence police.” Lawrence’s population is currently more than 80 percent Hispanic, according to the US Census.
In more recent years, xenophobia has surfaced again amid rising anti-immigrant rhetoric in national politics. In 2015, a pair of South Boston brothers were charged with beating and urinating on a homeless Mexican immigrant. Police alleged one of the brothers said, “Donald Trump was right; all these illegals need to be deported.” The brothers pleaded guilty to several charges in the case.
In 2020, a white woman attacked a mother and daughter in East Boston while they were speaking Spanish, with the assailant allegedly saying, “This is America” and “Go back to your [expletive] country.”
Dina Haynes, a professor at New England Law and an immigration expert, applauds the state’s response to the latest surge of migrants. Here, she said, officials have resisted anti-immigrant narratives that are grounded in national security concerns or “limited resource arguments.” Massachusetts has thus far avoided legislation such as an immigration proposal recently signed by the Iowa governor that criminalized “illegal entry” into that state.
“Massachusetts has done a remarkable job in resisting pitting vulnerable groups against one another for scarce resources,” she said, “and I’m really proud of us for that.”
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2024.05.12 13:11 Rare_Cartographer827 A page from Gender and Immortality: Heroines in Ancient Greek Myth and Cult

A page from Gender and Immortality: Heroines in Ancient Greek Myth and Cult
Apparently i learned that first use of the word heroine was used for the daughters of Cadmus and maybe alkmene Heracles mother
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2024.05.12 05:55 vintageideals Tw: stillbirth Thinking of my oldest son

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. I spent the evening with my living children. A month or so ago, I suddenly mentally relived the entire ordeal of my stillbirth, which occurred about 15.5 years ago. My late husband really began drinking and cheating a lot after that happened, and the loneliness of that time and experience really crushed me as I thought back on what I endured during it. I usually don’t feel so raw about it except for in November around his birthday. He seems to be heavier on my mind recently. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to be a widowed single mom of five since I’m already a widowed single mom of four. But I wish he was here with us. Here is a poem I wrote for him when I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, many years ago.
The Stone
The joy on the faces Everything pink and fair How different it all feels From memories held so dear… My heart recalls a boy I carried before this little one Ducks, mint green, and yellow The pride of having a son… But there is a block of granite That is planted on a hill Engraved with proof he was ours And that he remains ours, still
Rest easy, my sweet baby boy
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2024.05.12 05:28 Intelligent_City9455 Experienced Human poets, songwriters, composers, artists, etc, are highly favored by the Regyniis Empire over other species due to them being far more reliable.

Its not that they are better, its simply that they won't consume 400 head of Aubrizi cattle during their trial tenure. It also might be due to the fact that they won't produce nothing but blood-soaked hero sagas like the Y'llgran, or blood-soaked tragedies like the Jeyyl, but instead will produce either a combination of both (with a lot less blood-soaking and a lot more heart-wrenching story), or introduce a new form while still producing the former.
The prime example of this happened in the Emperor's own courts, between a Hujrdra poet and a Human composer, little more than eight years ago.
The Hujrdra consumed 500 head of cattle over a 1 1/2 year tenure, produced three poems, and was subsequently beheaded after he caved to his primal desires and consumed the firstborn daughter of Krin-Baron Jurwe nec Dirjjinni.
The Human composer consumed less than one head of cattle in the same amount of time, produced fifteen songs, took a break to recover from what he described as "writer's block," and was subsequently taken on as the head composer of the Emperor's Court. He gets married two weeks from tomorrow to the Liis-Countess of Wriinxis Ford.
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2024.05.11 21:33 GalindaTheGood Dads In the Wilderness.

Our fights where built from the bricks of the family house we demolished.
The pool you where so desperate to drown in, was really just the kids tears.
They heard us shout.
The day you left was the day you became nothing more than the memory of an old song.
As they replayed a distorted CD through their minds of the lullaby you use to sing to them.
They missed your voice,
No.
They missed half your voice.
They hated the half that had sharp, broken, glass-like edges at the rim.
They hated the way the glass would shatter as you let out a guttural insult at poor old Mum.
And yet i watched as they held onto the half that would tell them 'It's okay Dads here.'
I watched as they preserved it in a locket.
Rusted shut from the broken promises you left.
Soon they'll grow up.
They'll go on a hunt for old dad.
Armed with shotguns and bullets;
Bullets with shells made of contempt.
They'll hit you hard.
But god dammit you'll survive.
Like a deer in head lights, you'll look at them eye to eye.
Frozen in the ice of they're blue eyes that you gave to them.
The same eyes that you should have looked into.
At that Farther daughter dance.
Their graduations.
Marriages.
And an infinity of events.
And like a deer.
You'll run away again;
Deep into the wilderness.
Honestly, I do not relate to this poem, I found the topic deeply sad and so I decided to write a poem on it.
Feedback
  1. https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/1cp5uxs/comment/l3m38p2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
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2024.05.11 12:22 philthehippy Letters from, to, and about J.R.R. Tolkien sent this week (6 - 12 May)

Letter sent from, to, and about J. R. R. Tolkien include at the 'Guide to Tolkien's Letters':
JRRT to R.W. Chambers 6 May 1939 - Writing to R.W. Chambers, Tolkien expresses his fears of the propaganda circling around the developing world situation.
JRRT to Christopher Tolkien 6 May 1944 - Tolkien writes to his son on various matters. The war effort, nature, family and draws on the themes of his writing and the paralells to real-life events.
JRRT to Nicholas Thomas 6 May 1968 - A short exceprt published as Letter #303 in which Tolkien discusses Sarehole Mill.
Tolkien's Secretary to J. Bryce Milligan 7 May 1973 - Tolkien's secretary writes to a fan, noting that The Silmarillion is "far from complete".
JJRT to Adjutant, 13th Battalion 8 May 1916 - Tolkien writes to the Adjutant of the 13th Battalion requesting leave for 13 to 17 May after he has completed his signalling course. His address if his leave is granted would be 26 Hamilton Terrace, Leamington.
JRRT to Miss Hope 8 May 1959 - Tolkien sends a cheque, and thanks Miss Hope for her help, especially for beginning the task of putting his papers in order, and he comments on local elections.
JRRT to Henry Bosley Woolf 9 May 1951 - Touching on poems about dragons, Beowulf, and fellow Inkling C. S. Lewis.
JRRT to Rayner Unwin 9 May 1957 - Tolkien expresses gratitude for a letter from GA&U and contemplates the idea of retiring in July and reflects on the financial and health implications. Tolkien mentions that he has been unable to dedicate time to The Silmarillion. He finds encouragement in the positive sales reports.
JRRT to Oscar Morland 9 May 1967 - Tolkien writes to British ambassador Oscar Morland thanking him for his typed indexes, and that he will find them very useful when he has time to work on corrections and improvements.
JRRT to Professor Norman David 10 May 1966 - Tolkien writes about a bust being made of him. His daughter-in-Law is the sculpter and he has decided to have it cast in bronze at his own expense. It wil be presented to the Oxford faculty. Tolkien remarks that he used to hang his hat on the "Tsar of Russia’s bust, which he graciously presented to Merton".
JRRT to Christopher Tolkien 11 May 1944 - Tolkien writes to Christopher giving updates on The Lord of the Rings.
Christopher Tolkien to Marquette University 11 May 1986 - Christopher writes to marquette on matters of his fathers papers.
JRRT to Rayner Unwin 12 May 1955 - Tolkien replies to Rayner Unwin concerning his approval of Tolkien's map, which Christopher Tolkien reproduced.
submitted by philthehippy to TolkienGuide [link] [comments]


2024.05.11 10:27 MasterEk Teaching Wordsworth got my student an IT career

I had that strange moment tonight--that moment when the ex-student runs into you and tells you just how much impact you have had on their life.
For background, I teach high school English in Auckland, New Zealand, at one of our many multi-cultural schools. The area is predominantly working class, and has intermittent gang problems. There is a lot of transience. The population is majority-minority, with many students who are indigenous Maori, many from around the Pacific and Asia, and some from Africa, South America, and Eastern Europe. It is genuinely mixed; we have affluent kids coming in with a lot of family support and some affluence. The roll has varied, but is about 1500.
It is the night before Mother's Day here. My mother died last November. My partner had gone out with my daughter to a pre-mother's day dinner--they are the only non-mothers there. I went to the gym. A young, middle-eastern man approached me between sets, 'Did you teach at Area High?' I was like, yeah. He was like, 'You're Mr MasterEk, right?' There was no denying it, so I acknowledged that I was. And then he said, 'I just want to thank you so much.'
I was a little taken aback, but I am used to heavy praise from middle-eastern students who have a culture of celebrating teachers. But he went on. He was thankful that I had taught him to write--before I had taught him in our year 12 (equivalent to grade 11) he had struggled with English in general, and writing in particular. But he was adamant that I had taught him how to write properly and that that was what had got him his university entrance and got him through his Information Technology/Computer Science degree, which had got him a good job now, one year out of university.
I was flabbergasted, and flattered, but sceptical. So I asked him what it was. He told me that he had a moment when he was writing about a poem by 'William--' and I could see he couldn't remember the surname. Which is a problem, because I teach poems by Williams Shakespeare, Blake, Wordsworth and Carlos Williams. But then he was clearer--'The one about the flowers'--which made it clear. It was Wordsworth's 'I Wander'd Lonely as a Cloud'. He told me how he used the same process when he was writing all through his conjoint degree and in his job applications, and now in his job.
The weird thing is that I believe it. I've always believed that my learning how to write about literature was what taught me to write about anything and everything else, but here was somebody else with such a different and difficult background found the same thing.
Looking at his record, it is there to see. After I taught him that poem, he started passing in language-rich subjects.
I may fuck things up from time to time, and I may not be the best teacher for all my students, but here is one student whose life I affected--and I am truly grateful that he told me.
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2024.05.11 02:56 PhilMathers Sophie V - FInal Days

10,000 Stolen Days

May 10, 2024 marked exactly 10,000 days since Sophie’s life was taken. 10,000 days which had they not been stolen from her in December 1996, must have seemed to be filled with possibility .1996 had been a banner year, she had achieved so much in the previous 6 months, setting up her production company "Les Champs Blancs", and producing three different productions, with more on the way. But it had been exhausting few months with all this work and travel, and although Christmas is a holiday, it is not always a relaxing one.
Christmas had often been a difficult time for Sophie. She walked out her first husband Pierre Jean at Christmas 1981, so suddenly, she left her infant son behind and had to steal him back with a ruse involving a relative. She broke up with Bruno Carbonnet over Christmas in 1993. leaving him a puzzling note;
“Je suis partie là où tu n'a jamais été, là où tu n'iras jamais".
“I have left there where you have never been, there where you will never go”. This didn’t make much sense to Bruno. He waited alone for two weeks in the apartment hoping she would return, he a had bought a bicycle for Pierre Louis for Christmas. In January he left to teach in Le Harve and when he returned the locks had been changed and all his stuff was on the landing. Sophie was deliberate about change in her life she didn't just let things happen to her. Her agenda year planners reflect this. She was meticulous in recording meetings, calls, contact details and travel plans. She brought 1995, 1996 & 1997 year planners with her. There are notes and reminders stretching into February 1997. She even tore off the little perforated corners as each week passed. It's a poignant reminder of how abruptly her life was cut off in full flow - the week beginning 23/12/1996 still has its corner intact.
Sophie’s style was austere, almost minimalist. Her cottage was painted white inside and out, with a except for the ground floor, which was black slate with a shiny varnish. The only decorations were a few sprigs of holly placed by the housekeeper to welcome her. A traditional Christmas week filled with loud music, tinsel and overconsumption was the diametric opposite of her character.
Worse there is the prospect having to trade pleasantries with tiresome relatives.
That Christmas Daniel had decided for the first time to have a big family Christmas inviting his extended aristocratic family to his chateau in Ambax in the South of France. For Sophie, who even after six years of marriage barely knew Daniel’s relatives, this was an easy choice and a hard no.
She bought her ticket on the morning of her travel planning to spend nearly a week in Ireland including Christmas Day and return on the 26th. It may be that this was the only return flight she could get at the time. Or it may be, as she told her aunt Madame Opalka “she was going to go to Ireland to spend Christmas there, because the house in Ambax was full of people”. From what Daniel has said, and from what others have said, it may be he tried to persuade her to come to Ambax for Christmas and convinced her. Sometime during the weekend she got an itinerary by fax at the cottage confirming her flight back on the 24th. But even on Sunday afternoon she told friends she had not made up her mind which flight she would take.
It is difficult to say how well their marriage was going at that time because the reports vary. Daniel said it was "harmonius and peaceful" which was far from accurate. There are several biographies of Daniel Toscan du Plantier, and they paint a vivid picture of a man who though incomparably charming, lived his life his own way without much concern for his family. He married four times and in three cases his wives were already pregnant before they got married. When he married Sophie, his eldest son and daughter were not even told about it, they only found out later in the summer when Sophie turned up at events.
Some witnesses including Daniel said was it was the happiest period, others say she was basically “an official wife” and that “their open marriage was an open secret”. The truth was probably somewhere in between. She had visited Ambax in November and collaborated closely on the documentary Europa 101 with Daniel. Whatever their personal arrangement, Daniel was deeply affected by her death, even though he refused to come to Ireland. His daughter Ariane wrote how she spent months taking care of him, feeding him sedatives and sleeping pills. He was clearly overwhelmed, so Sophie must have been more than an "official wife" to him. Was their marriage "open"? They clearly had a high degree of independence from each and had affairs in the past.
Nevertheless, Sophie may have balked at spending Christmas in Ambax. For one thing, it was far away from Paris, where her friends and family lived. For another, Daniel’s family and entourage knew very little about her. Apart from his second son Carlo, who was friends with her son Pierre Louis and some servants, she would have been on her own. Christmas in Paris would have been tolerable, she could escape and visit her parents and friends whenever she wanted, but in Ambax, she would be cooped up with nowhere else to go.
There is a question of whether Daniel was having an affair at the time. According to a Garda memo, French journalist Caroline Mangez said that Daniel was with a female film producer. However the files are full of unsubstantiated rumours and lies. Even if he wasn’t having an affair Sophie may have suspected he was. If Daniel had invited a mistress, or even a former mistress, or a former wife to Ambax, it would be unbearably awkward for Sophie. Daniel had uncountable affairs, and many of his mistresses knew each other, some remained on good terms.
Daniel may have been faithful at that time, perhaps he was telling the truth when he said their marriage was harmonius, but in any case Sophie had other reasons to skip Christmas. She had wanted to come to Dunmanus for months, but work got in the way. The heating had just been fixed and she needed to pay the plumber and her housekeeper. They preferred cash.
And if Daniel was unhappy that she wasn’t going to be there for Christmas, they were going on holiday together in the New Year to Dakar, Senegal. It would be much easier for Sophie to be with Daniel by himself than his whole family. This trip to Ireland would be a breather for her. She didn’t want to be alone, she asked at least 8 different people to accompany her, including 2 former intimate partners, though there is no evidence that she was having an affair or intended to have an affair.
There is a post-it note with a message in Sophie's hand seemingly inviting someone to spend Christmas: "Je vous laisse le choix : venir ou de refuser histoire que vous passiez un bon noel"
"I leave you the choice: come or refuse just so you have a good Christmas"
Whoever that note was written to, it was to someone she addressed as "vous" so not one of her closest friends or family.

Work

If she had another relationship, it is not obvious from her diary and it was unknown to her friends. What her diary does show though is that she had thrown herself into work.
Apart from her agenda she kept a working notebook, a red hardback book which is filled with a tantalizing mash of different references to famous works of art, music, and contacts details of artists and philosophers. She had recently completed work on three different films. The first work was a documentary on African Art. The next was Europa 101, a documentary written by Daniel showcasing the wealth of European cinema. This was Daniel’s pet project, he loathed US cinema and the dominance of Hollywood. He once likened his wife’s death to a “bad movie”. His life’s work was a “struggle against cheap portrayals of violence, which is what leads to deaths like this” (Irish Independent 12/07/1998). This project involved gathering interviews and footage from dozens of famous directors and actors, including John Malkovich, Ingmar Berman, Pedro Almodovar, Werner Herzog, Nanni Moretti, Jean Luc Godard and many others. It was broadcast on December 8, 1996.
The third was an art house movie called “He sees folds everywhere”, a concept movie exploring the idea of folds and creases in everyday life, in hanging clothes, paper, wrinkles on skin, folds of a human brain. This was a project of the director Guy Girard, and it was the work to complete this that delayed her trip to Ireland. But she had other projects in train in her notebook. She was researching Greek folk music, Rebetiko. She had a project or projects in mind which were somewhat dark in nature.
She was in contact with George Didi-Huberman who had written a book called “The Invention of Hysteria”. This is a photographic history of how Jean Marie Charcot – one of the giants of 19c French science – locked up thousands of women for the imagined maladies of hysteria, lethargy, catalepsie and experimented on them, deliberately photographing them in contrived and frightening poses. It is a very weird and frightening history.
Her next project seems to have been based around human fluids. Her final notes are filled with references to human flesh, death and the four medieval humours of blood, phlegm, black bile, yellow bile. There are extensive notes to what seems to be a lecture given by linguist Jean Claude Milner on the subject of melancholia. Note that “melancholia” is a synonym for “black bile”, one of the four humours.
She was researching the avant garde Irish/British painter Francis Bacon, who was known for producing uniquely disturbing images. She references “Three Studies for the Figures at the Base of a Crucifixion”. There was a Bacon exhibition in Centre Pompidou in 1996 and Sophie must have attended it. Her notebook contains her jottings from a lecture on Bacon by writer Philippe Sollers which seemed focused on blood.
"Why does painting touch the central nervous system?" "We are carcasses of meat, meat above all" "The canvas bleeds, blood spurts red" "Dostoyevsky had a crisis in front of the 16th century Hans Holbein’s painting “The Body of the Dead Christ in the Tomb She jotted down a quote from the play Libation Bearers from Aeschylus:
Orestes sees the Furies coming and exclaims "O Lord Apollon look! Now they come in troops, and from their eyes they drip loathsome blood!"
The last entry reads "research the Furies"

Friday

Having failed to convince anyone to join her in Ireland for Christmas, she went alone. She telephoned Josephine on Tuesday 17th, told her she would be arriving alone on Friday. She called her again on Thursday to ask her to make sure the house would be warm.
She went to the airport on Friday morning, bought a ticket with the return date on the 26th, carrying with her a rather hefty bag filled with clothes, including some eveningwear. Perhaps she envisaged visiting people at Christmas time. She expected to stay nearly a week. Later, possibly on Sunday she changed her ticket, she called the Aer Lingus ticket desk in Charles de Gaulle airport, Paris and got a return flight for the 24th. She received the itinerary details by fax, as she had a machine in the cottage.
She was not in a good mood when she arrived. She had some words with the woman at the Avis counter who passed her to her colleague. The photos on CCTV show a woman looking tired and drawn, something which was remarked upon by the Avis rep, who estimated she was in her forties, a little older than her 38 years. But nobody looks their best walking off an aircraft. She had also attended the Unifrance Christmas party the night before. This was a lavish party held in “Les Bains Douche”, a unique Paris nightclub combined with a swimming pool. Apart from the late night, the social effort must have been tiring. There was a rumour that Sophie had a row that night at Les Bains, a row with one of Daniel’s mistresses, but I have never heard that confirmed. But other reports say that those who met her there found her "radiant", "in good form", "playful". "She went arm in arm to see friends," one guest at the party told Paris Match, "but she always came back to the table where Daniel was sitting." (Paris Match 09/01/1997) Daniel was quoted years later by Michael Sheridan - “She spent some hours having an intense, passionate conversation with a film-maker” - Alain Terzian, producer of Les Visiteurs, one of the most successful French comedies of the 1990s.
Strangely though, Daniel’s first statement said she left on Wednesday. So perhaps it didn’t register with him that she was at the Unifrance party with him on Thursday 19th, or perhaps he had forgotten the party altogether.
Sophie was captured on Cork Airport CCTV at 14:41 pushing a trolley through the arrivals gate. The scheduled arrival time was 13:20, but because of almost an hour’s delay in departure it didn’t touch down until after 2. It would have taken about 15 minutes to pick up baggage from the carousel.
Cork is a small airport and it is quick to get through the arrival hall to the car hire desks, only a matter of a few meters away.
Sophie hired a silver Ford Fiesta and would have been on the road by 14:50.
The quickest route to West Cork would have been via Bandon and Dunmanway but it is more likely she went via Clonakilty and Skibbereen. She stopped in Ballydehob to buy kindling. She may have stopped in Skibbereen to buy petrol. A pump attendant reported seeing a woman matching her description driving a silver Ford buying petrol. He also noted a tall male companion in the passenger seat. The Gardai discounted this sighting because they accounted for the petrol in the car when it was hired and the mileage thereafter. There were also some discrepancies in the vehicle’s appearance and its description in the statement. Also the Ballydehob sighting is more reliable as the woman got a chance to talk to her. It would seem odd to stop in both Skibbereen and Ballydehob, both petrol stations.
But she seems to have stopped again in Schull because she bought bread and cheese in the Courtyard Deli, and this was most likely on Friday. She talked with the proprietor, Denis Quinlan to ask if there would be live music. At this stage it would have been around 4:30pm and after this she went to the cottage. She called her caretaker Josephine at 5:15, so she must have been at home by then. We don’t know if she went out after that point. She may have stayed in. At 10:15 she called her friend Agnès Thomas and spoke to her for half an hour.

Saturday

Sophie’s whereabouts on Saturday morning are unknown. Perhaps she stayed in, perhaps she went out. Finbarr Hellen was working on his land nearby and saw her car outside the house 12 to 1pm. He didn’t see her and thought it was unusual for her not to come out and say hello. He also remarked her car was parked in an unusual place. He did not elaborate more than this.
The next event we know is that she bought some groceries in Brosnans supermarket on the main street in Schull and took ÂŁ200 out of the ATM.
For the curious, her shopping list is listed below:
Item Price
Firelighters 0.85
Independent Newspaper 0.85
EP Televised "Chopped" & Her 0.52
Parsley 0.40
Low Fat Yoghurt 1.90
Ballygowan Natural Spring Water 0.85
Napolina Penne 0.75
Rashers 1.26
Courgettes 1.23
Chicory 1.79
Onions 0.09
Fox's Classic Biscuits 0.83
Flat Mushrooms 0.65
Pepper Coated Salami 0.85
Cooked Turkey 1.89
Mushrooms 0.34
Avonmore Leek & Potato Soup 0.99
Monini Olive Oil 3.45
Ballygowan Natural Spring Water 0.85
Avonmore Carrot & Coriander Soup 0.99
Ballygowan Natural Spring Water 0.85
22.18
This list does suggest she was buying just for herself, but also that she planned to cook moderately elaborate meals with parsley, courgettes and chicory. Together with the cheese, bread and fruit already in the house she had enough food on there to last a few days. This quantity of food suggests she had not decided to travel home on the 24th at this stage.
The till recorded a time of 2:49pm.
Sometime after this or perhaps before Sophie entered Tara Fashions, the clothes shop run by Marie Farrell. What Marie Farrell saw that day and subsequent days has been subject to revision, retraction and details seemed to be added with each telling. But I think the most reliable report is the first and all the subsequent revisions cannot be trusted. Farrell called the Gardai on the 25th but they didn’t get around to taking a statement from her until 27th. Even so we can assume her memory was fresh. Here is her statement, verbatim.,
On Saturday the 21st December 1996 I was working in my shop at Main Street, Schull, Co. Cork. Between 2p.m. and 3p.m. I noticed a weird looking character across the road from my shop. He was approx 5’10” in height, late 30’s, scruffy looking, long black coat, flat black beret, thin build, sallow skin, short hair. He was there for about 10 minutes. On Sunday morning at 7.15a.m. approximately I noticed the same man on the road at Airhill. When I saw him he was walking towards Goleen on the right hand side of the road and I was travelling in the opposite direction. When he saw me he stopped and put up his hand to thumb a lift. I did not see this man before or since. On Saturday the 21.12.1996 at approx 3p.m. there was a woman in my shop. She did not buy anything. I now know that this woman was the deceased woman from Goleen. I recognised her from the photograph on the television.
There is also a record of her questionnaire which may have been taken earlier than this statement.
In reply to question no 8 When/where did you last see him/her alive? She replied "saw her in shop. She bought a "Carrig Donn" aran sweater aran nap coloured, rolled neck late Sat aftemoon. Paid ÂŁ39.00. Questions No. 9, 10, 11 & 12 were left blank. In reply to question No. 13 "any other help?" Marie Farrell replied "saw a man on Sat afternoon hanging around street. Desc late 30's, 5'10" very short hair wearing black beret. Saw him again Sun morning @ 7.20am walking towards Airhill but thumbed her.
In a later questionnaire, Farrell said the sweater was too big and she didn’t buy it.
What is interesting her is that Farrell does not draw any explicit linkage between the weird character in the long black coat and the woman in the shop. They were just there at approximately the same time. Farrell did say in later statements that the man followed her up Ardnamanagh road, but this was many years later. Her statements that she saw the same man at Kealfadda bridge at 3am on Monday are untrustworthy, but we won't go into this here.
A farmer, Frank Lannin, saw Sophie driving towards Schull from Goleen around 3pm. She saluted him as she passed him in his tractor. The time or the direction of travel must be wrong here.
The final sighting on Saturday she was seen in the Courtyard pub, eating a crab sandwich and left at 3:30pm. Sally Bolger went to feed her horses on Alfie Lyons land at 4:15pm and says she saw Sophie’s car at her house.
Saturday evening is a complete blank. Nobody saw her, she may have called people on the phone but we don’t have precise details. Her husband said she called him twice on Saturday, but we don’t have any confirmation of this.
At some point Sophie changed her ticket home. Her diary has a number listed as “O’Mahony” and the number was the line to the Aer Lingus ticket desk in Charles-de-Gaulle Roissy airport. The new itinerary was faxed to her in her cottage. The reason why she decided to come home early is not known. Her friend Jean Senet said her husband Daniel persuaded her. For his part Daniel said there was no particular plan and he was to pick her up from the airport at Toulouse at 8pm. Another report tells that she came home early to meet her father, so she could help him with his taxes.

Sunday

For Sunday morning we don’t have any reports.
She called to Dunlough at in the early afternoon, perhaps around 1pm. Sophie had walked here several times before. It is a spectacular headland featuring a lake and three crumbling castles. It was cold and dry at the time, good weather for a walk, if bracing. It is necessary to pass the farm to walk the headland and when Sophie did so she met Tomi Ungerer. This was the second time they had met. Sophie had called here in April but it seemed Tomi and his wife were having a row at the time and Tomi had not paid much attention. Daniel said that Sophie feigned a puncture as an excused to call to the farm. In June Sophie had sent Tomi a fax about the death of a mutual colleague, Gilbert Estève. She may have been seeking information or just making contact. Sophie made a habit out of making contacts with important artists and thinkers. It was one of the things that a colleague said of her, she knew all the right people. It is possible that Tomi was one of the people Sophie wanted to meet for a while. Tomi invited her in for a drink after she had finished her walk. She returned an hour later and they had a conversation over two glasses of wine.
Tomi was a renowned visual artist, with a keen eye and a professional interest in culture. Born in Alsace he was marked by World War II and had seen the ravages of the Nazis and the backlash from the French afterwards. He worked for as a cultural ambassador to improve Franco German relations.
The statement that Tomi gave is remarkable in the insight it gives to Sophie’s character her interests and state of mind.
“She was saying how great Ireland was for literature and education compared to France, how France had thousands of books published every year but that there was no good Authors there, how Ireland was vibrant as a centre of literature for a small Country. She discussed her family, moreover her children and their education in France. She indicated that the reason she was here in Ireland was she wanted to be alone for Christmas. I considered this strange but I sometimes like to be alone too. We talked about books and culture and how the language here was more meaningful and truthful compared to the superficial nature of the French.”
“She seemed a very genuine person, a fine person, not pretentious or snobby. I thought she was deep and intelligent, so much so that I made notes of some things she said, “In a language there should be no need of the use of cuteness” “The problem of France is her lack of modesty”. I wrote those saying they might be useful for my work in the futre. I wrote the quotes on a card in which we exchanged addresses before she left. On hindsight now I would go as far as saying she was not beaming, that she had something on her mind. It’s hard when you do not know someone well to say. I offered her a third glass of wine but she did not take any. We gave her some eggs to take with her, half dozen for her supper. We have hens.”
The word “genuine” is telling. Tomi was struck by Irish people, how the highest compliment an Irish person can give about another, is to say that person is “genuine”.
Tomi described her appearance:
“She was wearing some type of black leather expensive looking pants, brown suede hiking boots, a white/cream ribbed polo necked sweater and a beige wool blazer and a navy blue wool jacket with belt and a navy wool cap and red suede gloves, wine/red gloves. She was dressed very well. She had her hair tied back.”
As to her demeanor, this seems to have grown with the telling. The documentaries made much of the legend of the lady of the lake, whose appearance is reputed to be a harbinger of death. This lurid tale does not feature in the early Garda statements. Tomi remarked that “she was not beaming”, that she may have had something on her mind. His wife Yvonne turned up while they were chatting.
“While we were chatting, Sophie told me that while she was up at the castles she felt this great anxiety almost fear. This is not an uncommon feeling for people who visit the castles. She wasn’t in a cheerful mood but she wasn’t really glum either. She talked about her plans for the future and we spoke about meeting up in Paris in the Spring. She seemed happy to be here and she wanted to be here. She said she liked it here but her husband didn’t. She said she would be back at Easter. We made vague arrangements to meet over the next three days. I gave Sophie some eggs and she left here at about 5.45 p.m.” Yvonne’s estimate of the time she left must be an error. It is more likely she left at around 3:45.
After leaving Dunlough Sophie went to Crookhaven to Sullivans pub, a legendary stop. Here she spoke with the proprietor Billy O’Sullivan and his son Dermot, both of whom speak good French and knew Sophie from prior visits. They also knew her friend Alexandra Lewy. One time Alexandra had arranged to buy a cast iron church gate for Sophie’s birthday, Sophie was fond of antiques and bric-a-brac. Dermot had carried this gate up to the cottage. Sophie asked about getting logs for her fire. Dermot recommended she go to a filling station. She said there was only kindling at the filling stations.
It is interesting that so much of Sophie’s alleged stops and conversations were about fire, kindling, logs etc. Despite this, the photos from her house show she had a lot of fuel. There is a stack of logs, several bales of peat briquettes, what looks to be a 40kg bag of coal and one, perhaps two baskets full of kindling. She had enough for days of fires, unless she lit both hearths, which would be unlikely considering the second hearth did not draft properly, and she was arranging to have it fixed. The kindling may have been bought from Camiers Garage when Kitty Kingston reported meeting her on Friday.
She told her friend Alexandra before she left that she was going to sleep in the guest room because it was the warmest room, being directly above the oil range. There was also a brass bedwarmer found next to her bed. All these details point to Sophie being acutely aware of the cold.
A witness heard her discussing the old Coastguard houses with the Sullivans. These are a prominent landmark visible from O’Sullivan’s pub across the water. The witness left before Sophie did at 4:30pm so she must have returned to the cottage no earlier than 5pm.
The witness noted she was wearing “black leather pants and brown suede desert boots and a long chunky jumper”. This matches well with Tomi Ungerer’s account.
Note the "desert boots" seen by this witness and the "suede hiking boots" mentioned by Tomi Ungerer are probably not the hiking boots she was wearing when she died. The hiking boots she was wearing were very worn, the laces had snapped and had been tied halfway down the lace holes. It looks to me she shoved them on without untying/tying the laces. Sophie would not have visited Schull wearing old worn-out shoes. A pair of dark brown suede "desert boots" are visible at the bottom of the stairs in the garda photos. These match better with the shoes seen by the witness.
It’s 25 minutes drive from Crookhaven back to the cottage so if Sophie left at 4:30 she would have been back home before 5pm.
We know she most likely went home, because at 5:32pm she called her friend Agnès Thomas to wish her a happy birthday. Agnès was out so Sophie left a message.
The postman called at 6pm and noted the lights were on. Presumably he was doing a Sunday shift to cope with the Christmas rush. He didn’t see Sophie’s car, but as he only went as far as the lower gate, it is quite possible he missed it.
At 7:30pm she called her housekeeper Josephine but she was out. She tried her again at 9:10pm but again she was out. Josephine returned and called her back at 10pm. Sophie told her she would be leaving on the 24th, not the 26th as she originally intended. They arranged to meet the following day at noon.
Sophie’s phone records were not available, as the exchange she was on was a traditional analogue exchange, with no recording facility. Schull was one of the last places in the country to have such an old system. Days later Garda technicians tried to retrieve call details from her cordless phone but its batteries were flat and nothing was found.
At around 10:30pm she called her husband Daniel, who said he couldn’t take her call. He said he was in a meeting with Unifrance associates. As it was nearly midnight in France, this an unusual time to have a work meeting. Daniel called her back “about twelve minutes later”. He said she was sleepy and probably in bed. Given that the cordless phone was found next to her bed, this seems plausible. He also said that she told him about her visit to the Ungerers and had formed a work project with him. He said she told him she returned home at 9:30pm, but he could be wrong about this. The phone calls to her friend and housekeeper strongly suggest she was at home from 5:30pm.
This was the last anyone heard from Sophie until her body was discovered at 10am the following morning.
From this point all we have is are the police photos and the story they tell is ambiguous, there are multiple possible interpretations.
The fire was lit that evening and there was an empty wine glass on the mantlepiece with dregs of wine in it. There was a loaf of bread, a white crusty “basket loaf” which had been sliced and left open. This is odd as there are no crumbs visible on the table and no plate. Would Sophie have gone to bed leaving the bread out? It’s possible. Another possibility is that the bread was sliced in the morning. But if so where is the plate that she used?
Conceivably Sophie may have left these items from another evening, but it is more likely she consumed the wine that evening, possibly with some cheese she had in her pantry, and the bread she had cut. There was a book open on the table, propped open by a jar of honey next to an empty teacup. However as the cordless phone was found by her bedside, it seems likely this was all left from the previous evening.
It seems the most likely Sophie spent her last night reading, went to bed and then took the call from Daniel.
The book propped open was not a Yeat’s anthology. There is a tale repeated by many true crime authors that Sophie was reading a Yeats poem called “A Dream Death”. It contains the lines
I DREAMED that one had died in a strange place Near no accustomed hand,
Ralph Riegel titled his book after this poem. But this is not the poem she was reading, if any. Yes there was a Yeats anthology found on her bed, but not the bed she slept in, it was on the bed in her personal room which she didn’t use that weekend. The anthology is “Quarente-cinq poèmes suivi de La Résurrection”, a collection of later Yeats poems translated by Yves Bonnefoy. It does not contain the poem “A Dream of Death” but it does contain a poem called “Death”, a meditation on how animals die versus men.
Nor dread nor hope attend A dying animal; A man awaits his end Dreading and hoping all;
But the Yeats anthology is not open on the bed, it is closed in the police photos. Unless the Gardai picked it up before photographing the room, then we cannot be sure what poem or poems she read. As regards the book propped open on the kitchen table, it’s prose and it is French. Journalist Lara Marlowe wrote that the book open on the table was a book about lighthouses.
Among the exhibits the Gardai took are three books
  1. Le Coeur Battant – “The beating heart” – this is the title of a 1960 French movie.
  2. Le Tenes Vert – Unknown – looks like a transcription error by the Gardai, could be “Les Terres Vertes”
  3. Le Cine Monde – World Cinema
Other books in the house seem to correspond well with what we know of her character. On the landing there is another book from an Irish writer, Sean O’Casey, “Les Tambours de Dublin” in French.
On the shelf in her box bedroom we can see a book by Virginia Woolf, the title itself is illegible in the photo but Woolf’s distinctive profile photo is visible on the spine. I wonder if the book might be “A Room of one’s Own”. This essay advocated that a woman writer could never accomplish anything unless she had financial independence and her own space to work in. Even if it was some other book by Woolf, this essay would have been known to Sophie. It hints at what the white cottage meant to her. Her tiny box room tucked under the gable and raised single bed was a quasi-monastic cell - a creative space, a room of her own in West Cork.
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2024.05.10 20:04 Vukobasa An observer in the Near East: MONTENEGRO (1907)

An observer in the Near East: MONTENEGRO (1907)
ΜΟΝΤΕΝEGRO
CHAPTER I
THE CITY IN THE SKY
Why I went to the Balkans―The road to Montenegro―Cettinje and its petroleum tins―About the blood-feud―England and Montenegro―Warned not to attempt to go to Albania―My guide a marked man-The story of Tef―A woman's fickleness, and its sequel.
CHAPTER II
AN AUDIENCE OF PRINCE NICHOLAS
The Palace at Cettinje―A cigarette with the Prince―The policy of Montenegro―A confidential chat―His Royal Highness's admiration for England―His views upon Macedonia―He urges me not to attempt to go to Albania. but I persuade him to help me―His Highness's kindness―Souvenirs.
**
CHAPTER I
THE CITY IN THE SKY
Why I went to the Balkans— The road to Montenegro — Cettinje and its petroleum tins — About the blood-feud — England and Montenegro — Warned not to attempt to go to Albania — My guide a marked man — The story of Tef — A woman's fickleness, and its sequel.
I ENTERED the Balkans by the back door. The luxuries of the Orient Express had no attraction for me. I wanted to see the Balkans as they really are, those great, wild, mountainous countries, so full of race hatreds, of political bickerings, of fierce blood-feuds, of feverish propa- gandas those nations with their interesting monarchs and their many mysteries.
The "Orient" runs direct from Paris to the Balkan capitals, it is true, but if one goes to study a people the capital is not the only place in which to discover the truth. One must go into the country, move among the peasantry, hear their grievances and investigate their wrongs. Therefore I decided to enter the East by Montenegro, and also visit the wild and little-known regions of Northern Albania.
The comfortable voyage by the Austrian-Lloyd mail steamer Graf Wurmbrand from Trieste down the Adriatic, touching at Pola, the Austrian naval station, Lussinpiccolo, Zara- famed for its maraschino-Sebenico, Spalato, and Gravosa to Cattaro, has been already described by many writers. Suffice it to say that it is perhaps one of the most picturesque of pleasure-trips in the world, for every moment one has a fresh panorama of mountain and blue sea, of green, fertile islands with subtropical vegetation, and tiny white villages nestling at the sea's edge, as the steamer threads her way through the narrow and often difficult channels.
At times the wild scenery, especially in the Bocche di Cattaro, reminds the traveller of the Norwegian fiords, and at others the coast is an almost exact reproduction of the French Riviera.
The object of my journey was, however, not in order to write a mere description of men and places. There have been other travellers in the Balkans who have related their story, therefore my mission was to make careful inquiry into the present unsettled state of affairs, try and discover the grievances of both sides, and endeavour to obtain from the rulers and statesmen of the various nations their aspirations for the future. This I succeeded in doing, for the various monarchs of the Balkans graciously gave me audience; and from their Ministers, from the middle classes, and from the peasants, I was enabled at last to form some conclusion as to the real situation-political, economical, social, and financial.
The writer who attempts to place the various Balkan questions impartially and clearly before the public will at once find himself utterly confused, and wallowing wildly in a morass of misstatement and misrepresentation. The Balkans are torn by race hatreds, party strife, and the intrigues of the Powers. The Turk hates the Bulgar, the Serb hates the Austrian, the Roumanian hates the Greek, the Albanian hates the Montenegrin, the Bosnian hates the Turk, while the Macedonian hates everybody all round. What is told to one authoritatively one hour, is flatly contradicted the next; therefore it is not in the least surprising that in the European Press there have been so many misstatements about the various Balkan questions, the real truth being so very difficult to obtain.
I have, however, endeavoured to obtain it, and at risk of being injudicious, to place before the reader the facts as they are, without any political bias, or any seeking to gloss over the many glaring defects of administration of which I have myself been witness.
To describe the beauties of the Bocche di Cattaro, that series of winding channels where the high grey mountains rise sheer from the water, would be only to traverse old ground. Suffice it to say that I landed at Cattaro on a bright, sunny noon, and found upon the quay a tall, lean mountaineer who had been sent to meet me.
To the traveller fresh from the West the Montenegrin costume of both women and men is very attractive, but a few days in the Balkans soon accustoms the eye to a perfect phantasmagoria of colour and of costume. Pero was my driver's name, and I noticed that around his waist was a revolver belt, but minus the weapon. I inquired where it was, and with a grin he informed me that Cattaro, being in Dalmatia, the Austrians would not allow Montenegrins to bring arms into their country; so they were compelled to leave them on the other side of the frontier, ten kilometres distant.
My bags packed upon the three-horse travelling carriage and secured with many strings, and Pero equipped with a plentiful stock of cigarettes, he mounted upon the box, whipped up his long-tailed ponies, and we started on our eight-hour ascent of that great wall of mountain that hides Montenegro from the sea.
As we ascended through the little village of Skaljari we entered upon a magnificent road, said to be one of the greatest engineering feats of modern times, and steadily ascended, until at the striped black-and-yellow Austrian boundary post we crossed the frontier, and were in the "Land of the Black Mountain"-Montenegro. Across the road, at an acute angle, a row of paving-stones marks the frontier, and soon after- wards we found ourselves in the wildest and most desolate mountain region. At a lonely roadside hut Pero obtained his big, serviceable-looking revolver, and I, of course, wore mine in my belt; for in Montenegro or Albania arms make the man. A man unarmed is looked upon as an effeminate coward. Indeed, by order of Prince Nicholas every Monte- negrin must wear the national dress, both men and women, and every man must carry his revolver when out of doors.
Four hours from Cattaro we were in a lonely mountain fastness, a wild, desolate, treeless region of huge limestone rocks of peculiar volcanic formation, which gave them the appearance of a boiling sea. The views over the Adriatic as we turned back were so superb that, despite photographing being strictly forbidden on account of the fortresses in the vicinity, I could not resist the temptation to take one or two surreptitiously. On, through a bleak, uninhabited country, we at last reached the guard-house of Kerstac, and then half an hour later found ourselves upon a plateau where, in the centre, stood the small clean village of Nyegush, the ancestral home of the reigning family, and the scene of most of the Montenegrin wars of independence. Here we halted for half an hour at the post-house, and before we left, the big, lumbering post-diligence, with its armed guard, came up behind us.
Before we moved off again it had grown dark, the moon shone, and for four hours longer we alternately climbed and descended through that wild region of silence and desolation, until at last we saw, deep below, the lights of Cettinje, the little capital, and an hour later brought us to the unpre- tending "Grand" Hotel.
Hardly had I entered my room when there came a loud knock at my door, and a tall, scarlet-coated Montenegrin warrior, armed to the teeth, entered and saluted. For a moment I looked up at him aghast, but the mystery was solved when, next second, he handed me with great ceremony a telegram from a dear friend in England wishing me God- speed. I had taken him to be, at least, one of the Prince's bodyguard, and he was only a plain telegraph messenger!
This was but one of many surprises in store for me in Montenegro. Next morning I went out to look round the clean little capital, when, on passing the Prince's palace, I saw a number of soldiers drawn up, and as I went by, the band suddenly struck up the British National Anthem! I raised my hat, halted, and stood puzzled. Surely they were not honouring me! Another moment, however, and I recognised the reason. In a carriage, accompanied by the Grand Marechal of the Court, there drove up my friend Mr. Charles des Graz, the newly-appointed British ChargĂŠ d'Affaires to Montenegro, who was about to present his creden- tials to His Royal Highness the Prince.
Montenegro is perhaps the most interesting country in all the Balkans. Cettinje, a small, clean town of broad streets and one-storeyed, whitewashed houses, is a little city in the sky, lying as it does in a cup-shaped depression at the summit of a high, bare mountain. Its long, straight, main street reminds one very much of a small country town in England, if it were not that everyone is, by law, compelled to wear the national dress, and every man has in his belt his big, long- barrelled revolver, without which he must never go out of doors.
The men, sturdy mountaineers, are of fine physique- handsome fellows, all of them. Their dress consists of dark blue baggy trousers, white woollen gaiters, raw-hide shoes, a scarlet jacket heavily braided with gold, and a small round cap, with black silk around the edge and the crown of the same colour as the jacket, bearing the Prince's initials in Servian letters, "H.I." The women, who are particularly good-looking, wear dark skirts, beautifully hand-embroidered blouses, and a kind of long coat, with open sleeves of soft, dove-grey cloth. Forbidden to wear European hats, they are compelled to adopt an exactly similar cap to the men, except that the crown is embroidered instead of bearing the royal initials.
Nowhere have I seen such glorification of the male as in Montenegro. To the men, born fighters as they are, work is undignified; therefore the women toil while the opposite sex look on. I saw women employed in building operations and performing work which, in other countries, is left to day- labourers.
Cettinje is quaint in the extreme. The only houses of foreigners are the various Legations, and the only foreigners are diplomats with their wives and families. The first thing that strikes the stranger is the number of petroleum tins. Opposite the hotel I saw a great ring of empty tins, numbering some hundreds, ranged around a fountain. A few women were squatting gossiping, and an armed policeman lounged against the water-source. On inquiry, I found that there was a water famine, and the tins had been placed there at dawn to await the moment when the authorities thought fit to allow the people to get their daily supply. The women had gone away to work, and would return later. The Monte- negrins a short time ago constructed a reservoir, but there was a crack in it, so the water ran away. Hence the famine.
The petroleum tin is never out of sight for a single moment in Cettinje. At any hour, and in any street, you see women and children carrying them. They are used for everything, from milk-pails to flower-pots.
In Cettinje one comes for the first time up against the dark-faced, scowling Albanian in his tightly fitting trousers of white wool striped with black, his dirty white fez, and the swagger of superiority in his gait. He is well armed, and for a good reason. The Montenegrin hates the Albanian, because of the constant border feuds over at Podgoritza, where blood is constantly spilt, and where I have seen a Montenegrin in the market squatting over a basket of apples with a loaded rifle.
That morning I was chatting to a man in Montenegrin dress, of whom I had bought some excellent cigarettes, manufactured by the Montenegro Tobacco Monopoly-an Italian syndicate, by the way and happened to mention that I was on my way to Albania. "Ah, gospodin!" he exclaimed, holding up both his hands, and glancing at the revolver in my belt. "Take my advice.
Don't go into Albania or Macedonia. You are not safe there from one moment to the other. For half a word they'll shoot you dead as easily as they drink a glass of wine. No man's life is worth a moment's purchase there. I'm Albanian myself from Kroja-and I know."
This was scarcely reassuring. I looked about me on every hand as I strolled through Cettinje. All was so quiet, so orderly, so very peaceful there, even though the big, burly mountaineers in the gold-laced jackets eyed me with askance as I passed. Not without some trepidation I took a number of photographs, for I had heard that, like the Turk, the Monte- negrin was averse to having his counterfeit presentment put upon paper. Nevertheless, the first feeling of insecurity having passed, I very soon found myself quite at home in Cettinje, and in the midst of very good and kind friends.
A good many foreigners come up from Cattaro to pry about Cettinje for a day or two, buy picture-postcards and antique arms, sneer at the honest Montenegrin, and return into Dalmatia. Towards such, the Montenegrin is not par- ticularly polite. But those who go to Cettinje to seriously and thoroughly study the people and their future will find a great deal of genuine and charming hospitality.
My first day in Cettinje was lonely. Afterwards, until I left, I was always with friends and officials, who took the greatest trouble to answer my questions and explain matters.
Montenegro is entirely unlike any other country in the world. Its air of antiquity is particularly pleasing, while on every hand the beneficent rule of Prince Nicholas is apparent. Every man in Montenegro swears by his Prince, whom he almost worships. They call him their "father," and if His Royal Highness raised the standard of war to- morrow, every man would rise and fight to the death. The Prince is accessible to all his people-more so to them, indeed, than to the diplomats. Sometimes, early in the morning, he will sit in an arm-chair on the steps leading to the entrance of his palace, and there hear the complaints or petitions of his people. In this patriarchal way he often ministers justice. Last year he granted Montenegro a Constitution, and there is now a Skupshtina similar to that of Servia; but the people have not yet quite understood that in future they must go to the Ministers, and not to their Prince. They will see him, and nobody else.
In no country is loyalty and patriotism so strong as in Montenegro. The army is well trained, and the whole country being one huge natural fortress, a foreign enemy would experience enormous difficulty in gaining entrance. In Cettinje, even a constant traveller like myself meets with continual surprises. One day, while walking at the rear of the Bigliardo, or old palace-so called because when built the first billiard table was introduced-I heard the sound of clanking chains behind me. At first I took no notice, but as it continued with regular rhythm I glanced behind, when, to my amaze- ment, I saw a convict in leg-fetters with difficulty taking his afternoon stroll beneath the trees! There were several others on the grass plot before the prison, idling in the shadow or gossiping with their friends, who had come to keep them company!
Inquiriesshowed that most of these prisoners were murderers, not for robbery but for vendetta. In Montenegro the blood- feud is constant, and life is held very cheap. It invariably commences by jealousy, and is of everyday occurrence. Two lovers quarrel, and one is shot. Then the blood-feud commences, and unlike in Italy or other Southern countries, the vendetta is not only upon the murderer, but upon his next-of-kin. Therefore, if the assassin escapes into Servia, Bosnia, or Turkey, as he so often does, the brother of the dead man takes up the feud and kills the assassin's brother without parley when next he meets him. I myself saw a man shot dead one night in Ryeka, at the head of the Lake of Scutari, and the murderer walked coolly away undeterred. It was the blood-feud, and no one took much notice.
"S'bogom!" (God be with you!) It is the expression you hear on every hand in the Balkans. In the streets the peasants touch their round caps in salute and exclaim, "S'bogom!" When you leave for a journey and when you return, when you rise and when you go to rest; even if you go for a short walk-it is the same. Life is so uncertain in those wild regions that the protection of the Almighty is invoked upon you always, and your revolver is ever ready in your belt.
In Cettinje I had a faithful guide and servant, a black-eyed, somewhat sinister-looking Albanian, named Palok. He travelled with me through Montenegro and Albania, and was most faithful and devoted. Besides Albanian and Serb he spoke a little Italian, and possessed a keen sense of humour.
One day, while we were travelling through the wild, bare mountain, a perfect wilderness of huge boulders without a single tree or even blade of grass, we halted for our midday meal, and while eating he told me of a great friend of his who had recently been killed at Spuz for vendetta, and he added, fondling the butt of his revolver, "I too, gospodin, shall die before long."
I looked at him in surprise. His usually humorous face had changed. It was dark and thoughtful, and his black eyes were fixed upon me.
"Is there a blood-feud upon you, then?" I asked, in surprise.
"Yes," he replied briefly; and though I endeavoured to persuade him to tell the story, it was not until the following day that with some reluctance he explained.
"A year ago my brother Tef, away in Scutari, fell in love with a beautiful girl. He had a rival-a young Albanian, a coppersmith in the bazaar. They quarrelled, but the girl-ah! she was very beautiful-preferred Tef. Where- upon the rival one night took his rifle and laid in wait for my brother in the main street of Scutari. Early in the evening he left the house of the girl's father, and as he passed the fellow shot poor Tef dead."
And he paused as his brow knit deeply, and his teeth were set tightly.
"Well?" I asked.
"Well, gospodin. What would you have done had your own brother died a dog's death? I took a rifle, and within a week the murderer was in his grave. I shot him through the heart and then I left Scutari."
"And you are safe here, in Montenegro ?"
"Safe! Oh dear, no," he answered. "One day-it may be to-day-the fellow's brother will kill me. He must kill me. It is Fate-why worry about it? It does one no good."
And the marked man, the man doomed to die at a moment when he least expects it, rolled a cigarette and lit it with perfect resignment.
"And are you not afraid to go with me back to Scutari?" I asked, amazed at his fearlessness.
"Afraid, gospodin!" he exclaimed, looking at me in reproach as his hand instinctively wandered to his weapon. "Afraid! No Albanian is afraid of the blood-feud. I have killed the murderer, and his brother must kill me. It is our law." And the doomed man smiled gravely.
"And the girl?" I asked.
"Ah! They are all the same," he answered, with a quick shrug of the shoulders. "A month ago she married a tobacco- seller a man old enough to be her father. Poor Tef! If he could but know!"
"And the blood-feud still continues?"
"Of course-until I am dead."
Then Palok smoked on in silence, entirely resigned to the fate that awaits him. He knows that one day, as he walks along the road, the sharp crack of a hidden rifle will sound, and he will fall to earth, another victim of a woman's fickleness.
S'bogom! God be with you!
CHAPTER II
AN AUDIENCE OF PRINCE NICHOLAS
The Palace at Cettinje-A cigarette with the Prince-The policy of Monte- negro-A confidential chat-His Royal Highness's admiration for England-His views upon Macedonia-He urges me not to attempt to go to Albania, but I persuade him to help me-His Highness's kindness -Souvenirs.
HIS Royal Highness the Prince will be pleased to grant you private audience at four o'clock this after- noon, gospodin."
The tall, burly aide-de-camp in the little round cap, high boots, pale blue overcoat, and pistols in his belt, saluted, and we shook hands.
It was then three o'clock, and I was just about to go out to visit Madame Constantinovitch, the mother of Princess Mirko. So I had to return at once to my room and dress for the audience. The kings and princes of the Balkans have a habit of summoning one at a moment's notice, and paying visits at unearthly hours.
Here, in Cettinje, in the heart of these wild, desolate fast- nesses, one seems so far removed from European influence, yet how great a part has this rocky, impregnable country, with its fierce soldier-inhabitants, played in the politics of Eastern Europe, and how great a part it is still destined to play in the near future!
The fact that everybody is armed gives the stranger an uncanny feeling. The man who brings one's coffee wears a perfect arsenal of weapons in his sash, and one quickly acquires the habit of carrying a revolver one's self. Indeed, if you are wise, you will carry a good serviceable weapon from the moment you enter the Balkans to the moment you quit them. But if you approach the Albanian frontier, you will be at once warned not to fire without just cause. A few shots is sufficient to alarm the whole neighbourhood for many miles, and on hearing the alarm every man seizes his rifle and flies to the rendezvous, fully equipped and eager for the fight with those Albanian border tribes, of whom I afterwards had the good fortune to be the guest.
I had already had a long chat with Prince Danilo, the Crown Prince of Montenegro, whom I found a very smart and highly educated man, fully alive to the political difficulties of the neighbouring states and the necessity of Montenegro preserving her independence. He held very strong views upon the terrible state of affairs in Macedonia, and gave me many interesting details about his own country.
Having met him, and also his younger brother, Prince Mirko, I was particularly anxious to make the acquaintance of their father, Prince Nicholas, the ruler of the sturdy, warlike dwellers of the "Land of the Black Mountain "-the principal and most striking figure in this remarkable country, where peace and war walk ever hand-in-hand.
Since 1860, when his uncle, Prince Danilo, was assassinated, he has ruled justly, if somewhat sternly, and has succeeded in raising his nation from a state of semi-civilisation to the high place it now occupies in the Eastern world. In 1888 he gave the country a Civil and Criminal Code, and last year he granted a Constitution. Indeed, he has done all in his power to induce his warriors to follow the arts of peace without forgetting those of war.
At the hour appointed, the royal aide-de-camp called in a carriage and drove me to the Palace, a long, dark brown building of somewhat plain exterior, as befits the home of a fighting race, where I was received in the great hall by half a dozen bowing servants in scarlet and gold. Here I was met by the chamberlain, who conducted me up the grand staircase and into the great audience-chamber, with its many fine paintings and highly polished floor. Then, after a moment, the Prince-a brilliant figure-entered, shook me by the hand, and welcomed me to Montenegro.
These formalities ended, His Royal Highness said in Italian, "Come, let us go into yonder room. We shall be able to talk there more comfortably." And he led me into a smaller chamber, where he gave me a seat at the table where he sat.
The afternoon was gloomy, and dusk was creeping on, therefore upon the table a great antique silver candelabra had been set, and by its light I was enabled to obtain a good view of the ruler of Crnagora, the "Land of the Black Mountain."
Of magnificent physique, tall, muscular, with hair slightly grey, he bore his sixty-five years lightly. Attired in the splendid national costume of scarlet, blue, and gold, with high boots, he wore a single decoration at his throat, the Cross of Danilo, of which Order he is Master. Upon his hand- some, well-cut features the candles shed a soft light, causing the gold upon his dress to glitter, and I noticed, as I asked him questions, how his dark, keen eyes shot quick, inquiring glances of alertness.
After the first few minutes of regal formality His Highness's manner entirely changed. Putting ceremony aside, he pro- duced his cigarette case of crocodile skin, with the royal crown and cipher in gold in the corner-offered me a Montenegrin cigarette, took one himself, lit mine with his own hand, and then we fell to chatting.
In the delightful hour and a half we smoked together I asked the prince-poet many questions, and learnt many things. He explained several difficult points in Balkan politics, which to me, an Englishman, had always been puzzling. We spoke in Italian of Macedonia and of a certain well-known foreign diplomat in London who was our mutual friend, the Prince giving me a very kind message to deliver to him.
Presently I referred to the splendid result of his rule, and related to him a little incident which had occurred to me in Nyegush a few days before, as showing how deeply he was beloved by his nation. A smile crossed his fine open countenance as he replied simply, "I have done my best for my people-my very best; and I shall do so as long as God gives me life. I am happy to believe that my people appreciate my efforts."
"And now, Monseigneur," I asked, "will you tell me what is the present position of Montenegro?"
"The present position is peace," was his prompt answer. "I have granted a Constitution, and the first meeting of the new Skupshtina has been held successfully. Though the Albanian question is always with us, I am thankful to say we are on the most excellent terms with Turkey, while towards Russia we are pursuing our traditional policy. For the Emperor Francis Josef of Austria I have nothing but the most profound admiration, and I owe very much to him."
"And towards England, Monseigneur ?"
"England has been, as you know, Montenegro's very best friend," replied the Prince. "I, personally, have the greatest respect and admiration for your great country. We Montenegrins always remember that it was Mr. Gladstone who gave us the strip of seaboard on the Adriatic with Dulcigno. He was our greatest friend, and his memory is respected by admirer by every man in Montenegro. Of Tennyson, too, I am a great I am very fond of his poems."
"You are a poet yourself, Monseigneur," I remarked, remembering that more than one poetical drama from his pen had been successfully produced on the stage.
His Royal Highness smiled, and puffed slowly at his cigarette.
"I have written one or two little things, it is true; but nothing of late."
"I wonder if I dare ask your Royal Highness to write a few lines for me as a souvenir of my visit?" I asked, not without some trepidation.
"Ah!-well-I won't promise," he laughed. "All depends whether I'm in the mood for it."
"But you will try, won't you?
And the Prince nodded assent.
Then we spoke of Servia and of recent events there; but he was not inclined to discuss the question, and naturally so, when it is remembered that his daughter was the late wife of King Peter.
Returning to the burning question of Macedonia, I saw that he was well informed of all that was transpiring around lakes Presba and Ochrida and down in Serres.
"It is a monstrous state of affairs," he declared. "Something must be done at once, for as soon as spring comes again the massacres will increase."
"But there are outrages, tortures, and massacres every day," I remarked.
"Ah yes," he sighed, "I know. Most terrible details have reached me lately. But you are going to Macedonia yourself, and you will see with your own eyes."
"And what, in your opinion, would be the best settlement of the question?" I inquired.
"There is but one way, namely, for the Powers to call a conference and place Macedonia under a governor - general, who must be a European prince. The reforms would then be carried out, and the Greek bands expelled from the country. How long will Europe tolerate the present frightful state of affairs?"
"The fact is, Monseigneur, that we, in England, are very ignorant of the true state of things, or even of the facts of the Macedonian question," I said.
"Ah, there you are quite correct. If your English public knew what was really happening-how an innocent Christian population is being slaughtered and exterminated because of international rivalry-they would cry shame upon those responsible for this wholesale murder and outrage. But" -he smiled-" I almost forget myself. My position as a ruler forbids me to talk politics, you know!" And we laughed together.
"So you are going to Servia, Bulgaria, Roumania, and to Constantinople-eh?" he remarked a little later, when we had lit fresh cigarettes. "In Bulgaria, and also in Roumania, you will see many things that will interest you. The Bul- garians are very strongly armed, and so are the Roumanians."
"Her Majesty the Queen of Roumania has also promised me audience," I said.
"When you see her, will you please present to Her Majesty my most cordial respects. She is so very charming."
"I want, Monseigneur, to visit Northern Albania, leaving Montenegro by Ryeka and Scutari. Would that be the best route, do you think?"
"What!" he exclaimed, in surprise. "Do you actually contemplate visiting the tribes up in the Accursed Mountains?"
"Certainly. Why not?"
"Well, my advice is, don't think of going there. If you do, you will never return. You'll be shot at sight, like a dog. You have no idea what those uncivilised tribes are like. The whole country is utterly lawless."
"So I understand. But I've also heard that the Albanian possesses a deep sense of honour. And I thought that I might possibly obtain permission from one or other of the chiefs."
The Prince was silent for a moment. Then, looking at me across the table, said-
"Do not go. It is far too great a risk."
His advice was the same that my, friends in London had given me; the same that I had received there, in the market-place of Cettinje.
But I was determined, and pressed His Royal Highness to assist me, at last receiving his promise of help. By his kind permission, the Albanian named Palok acted as my guide, and what eventually happened to me in that wild region will be seen in the following pages.
"Well," exclaimed the Prince at last, "if you go up there, it must be at your own risk. I've warned you of the danger. No one has been up there for many years. It has been at- tempted, of course, but travellers have either been held to ransom, and the Turks have been compelled to pay for their release, or else they have simply been shot by the first Albanian meeting them. The country beyond Scutari is the most unsafe in the whole Balkan Peninsula."
I replied that I intended to make the attempt.
"Well, then, I wish you buon viaggio," he laughed. "May every good luck attend you, and as we say in Montenegro - S'bogom! (God be with you!) When you return for I suppose you will pass this way down to the sea-come and see me, and tell me all about the Skreli and Kastrati country -for of course I am highly interested. They are always at war with our people on the frontier."
"I will let your Royal Highness know the moment I am back in Cettinje," I promised.
Then rising, he gripped my hand warmly, saying-
"Then I will help you if I can. Be careful of yourself, for I shall be anxious about you. Again, S'bogom!"
And the Prince accompanied me to the head of the grand staircase, where I made my obeisance, turned and descended through the rows of armed and bowing servants ranged in the hall, charmed by His Royal Highness's graciousness towards me and by the pleasant chat I had enjoyed.
When, after my journey through Northern Albania, I one afternoon re-entered that audience-chamber, and he came forward with outstretched hand to greet me, he exclaimed-
"Well, well! I am so glad to see you back safe and sound. You look a little thinner in the face a little travel-worn- eh? Life in the Albanian mountains is not like your life in London or Paris, is it? But never mind as long as you are safe," he laughed, placing his hand kindly upon my shoulder.
"Come along to this room. It is more cosy," and he led me to the smaller apartment, his own private cabinet.
For nearly two hours I sat relating to him what occurred on my journey, and describing the wild country which had, until then, been practically a sealed book. Even though Cettinje is so near, hardly anything was known of the Skreli, the Hoti, the Klementi, or the Kastrati tribes, save that they were brigandish bands who constantly raided the Montenegrin frontier.
The Prince listened to me with great attention, and put many questions to me as we smoked together.
Then rising, he took from a drawer in his great writing- table a small scarlet box, and as he opened it he bestowed upon me a compliment undeserved, for he said -
"There are few men who would have risked what you have done. Therefore I wish to invest you with our Order of Danilo, as a mark of my appreciation and esteem."
And he displayed to me the beautiful dark blue and white enamelled cross of the Order, the same that he was wearing at his throat, surmounted by the royal crown and suspended upon the white ribbon edged with cerise.
After he had invested me with the Order, saying many kind things to me, which I really don't think I deserved, he added-
"The chef du chancellerie will send you the diploma in due course, and I trust, when you petition your own gracious Sovereign King Edward, that His Majesty will allow you to wear this insignia."
I thanked His Royal Highness, gripped his hand, and a few minutes later passed through the line of bowing servants out of the Palace.
And that same evening I received from His Royal Highness the signed photograph which appears in these pages.
Before I left Cettinje I received the following expressive lines, written especially for me by a Montenegrin poet who is a great personage, but whose name he would not permit me to give. They are in Servian as follows, and I have placed their English translation below :-
S' veleduĹĄnog Albiona
PruĹžiĹĄe se dvije ruke
Crnoj Gori da pomogu
U junačke njene muke
S' vrućom rječu na ustima
Gladston diĹže Crnogorce
A Tenison za najprve
U svijet ih broi borce
Na glas svoih Velikana
Britanski se narod trĹže
Da pomoĹže da zaĹĄtiti
Crnu Goru iz najbrĹže
Posla svoje bojne ladje
Sto na tečnost gospostvuju
VeleduĹĄno da zaĹĄtite
Domovinu milu Moju
O fala ti po sto puta
Blagorodni lyudi Soju
Dok je svjeta dok je greda
Nad Ulcinjem koje stoju
Hraniće ti blagodarnost
Ova ĹĄaka sokolova
Koima si u pomoci
Stiga putem od valova.
The literal translation in English is as follows:-
From the great-souled Albion,
Two arms were stretched
To help Montenegro
In her heroic sufferings.
With fiery word on his lips
Gladstone lifts up Montenegrins,
Whilst Tennyson declared them
The very first fighters in the world.
On the call of their great men,
British people rose up
In quickest manner, to help
And to protect Montenegro.
They despatched their war-ships,
Which rule over the seas,
Generously to protect
My Fatherland so dear to me.
Oh! thanks to thee, hundredfold thanks,
Noble race of men.
As long as the world lasts,
As long as the mountains above Dulcigno stand,
Will remain grateful to thee,
This handful of falcons,
To whose help thou didst come
By the road of the waves.
- An Observer in the Near East - William Le Queux. Publisher, E. Nash, 1907.
\**
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submitted by Vukobasa to Crnogorstvo [link] [comments]


2024.05.09 15:39 lenkabuben AITH for helping my grandfather

First time posting. I'll try to keep it short but include necessary details. My parents, sister and I were estranged from my grandfather and his wife for 30 years. Little back story, he wasn't exactly a great dad to my mom, she never had a good relationship with him and he left when she was around 12. We are from Czechoslovakia and when the Russians invaded my grandfather left with his second wife to move to Canada. My mom got married young, had my sister and me and when I was 2 they decided to leave as well and the one good thing my grandfather did was help us come to Canada, something I have always been grateful for. He was in our lives when I was little, though he openly favoured my sister (he admits to it now, though he can't remember why). She was older, stronger, faster, while I was quiet and shy and sleepy. We were good kids, normal, typical, active. But his home never felt welcoming. Not warm and safe like a grandparents home should. Looking back, he was a very selfish man. My mom also says she could never rely on him, he wasn't there like a dad should be though she desperately wanted a dad. I give them both grace though, as I learned of their lives. He was born in Spain and when he was little his family had to leave due to the Spanish civil war. Then when in Brno the Nazis came and life got really tough. His sister died as a teenager followed shortly by his mother. My great grandfather was brutal and beat him severely and the threat of death was always there from the Germans, along with hunger. It was a very difficult life. I don't know how difficult his wife's life was, but she did lose a child very suddenly when the girl was 11 or so and that must have broken her. Perhaps she treated us the way she did partially cause of that trauma. I don't know. When I was about 12 and I visited them as I did regularly at that time, I told them a poem I learned at school and they got offended by it. I have no clue, I don't remember. They demanded an apology. My parents were like what the hell for? And we didn't speak for 30 years. Crazy I know. I saw him a few times in that time, once for a funeral as a teenager. He never called, never expressed interest in seeing me or my sister. Since then we grew up, I ended up having a daughter in my 20s, raising her alone, life goes on. About 8 years ago I reached out to him, just to see and I think cause his wife was developing dementia and his life was chaos he expressed no interest. So I gave up. But then 3 years ago I decided what the hell, the man is very old, I don't want regrets, his wife is in long term care and he's alone. I'll try one last time. And he was very glad. We've been in contact ever since. I visit him regularly and as time goes on and he needs more help I've been trying to help him more and more. I have POA, he doesn't like to ask for help so he usually ends up on the floor and I have to call 911 and then he accepts it. Our relationship has grown, he likes our discussions, we discuss history and our lives, I'm the only person he gets to speak Czech with. He's now 92 and it's really showing. He's ended up in the hospital twice this year. I've been trying very hard to arrange help for him, care while he's home, lots and lots of things going on, reaching out to whoever I can since I can't see him daily. I work full time and literally can't. This week has been particularly difficult since he's in hospital so I'm dealing with all that stuff, my mom needs extra help from me since my dad is away for a few weeks and she's post surgery, I have to be there for my daughter who has some mental health struggles of her own, plus I have all the normal work and life stuff. I'm stretched super thin and exhausted. I'm trying my best to fulfill my grandfather's wishes. Not mine.
When I called the ambulance last week his neighbour who sometimes checks on him came by. She offered to check on him daily if he needed and expressed concerned. I've spoken to her only a few times over the past few years. They were pleasant and short conversations. She took my number when the paramedics were at the house. I texted her how he was doing and then asked if she was willing and able to check on him, she has no obligation but that I needed to figure out everything before he was sent home from the hospital. She never responded. I was arranging for someone to come clean his house since its frankly gross (he kinda soiled himself before he fell) and at his age he just wasn't managing the way he should. No clutter or anything too bad, he just doesn't see certain things and he needed new bedsheets and a bunch of stuff. So I arranged for that but I needed the cleaner to have a key to the house. So I asked that she return the spare key she has. She responded that she will only return it if my grandfather asks for it back. Then an hour later texted that I'm a terrible person, where have I been, my texts to her were rude and I only want his house and money, that she knows all about me and she's blocking me and to never contact her again. I'm happy to share screen shots of the conversation but going over it I don't see where I was rude. It really threw me off cause I've been trying so hard to arrange help. Yes I'm inheriting the house. But that's what HE wants. I would help him either way. He is big on family legacy and he wants the house to stay within the family. My mother wants nothing to do with him and my sister doesn't really talk to anyone in the family. That literally leaves just me (his wife has no living family and all their friends are dead). I've never been motivated by money. I know many people do take advantage of their elderly relatives for inheritance. It's always disgusted me and I make sure to check myself to ensure my intentions are good. But now my future neighbour hates my guts, thinks I'm a gold digging awful person. I think cause I'm stretched thin, exhausted and trying my very best her comments really hurt. I don't think I deserve them, she's never tried to get to know me and knows nothing about what my family has been through over the past 30 years or why I wasn't in his life all that time. I was a child, I had no say when we stopped talking. He could have reached out and has thanked me for calling him, admitting he had to much pride to pick up the phone and do the same. Sorry, this is longer than I wanted. Thanks.
submitted by lenkabuben to AITAH [link] [comments]


2024.05.08 19:47 Snow-420 If the daughter information was planted..

If the daughter information was planted..
Why would Kendrick explicitly mention the daughter singing poems, could there be more evidence to suggest that the daughter might enjoy poetry/want to follow in their fathers footsteps? Might be looking a bit too deep into this and it could just be a play on the fact that her father is a rap(p)er but I feel like this detail might be a bit overlooked?
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submitted by Snow-420 to KendrickLamar [link] [comments]


http://activeproperty.pl/