This is an update to my first post here. You can read that post for more details and numbers.
Here's the short summary - 32M, Married, 2 young kids, working in US as a SWE.
Fire Target - 10 crores by 2028
Expected expenses after FIRE - 30 lakhs per year (3% SWR)
NW 6 months ago - $742k + 2 bedroom home fully paid off in India
Update:
Here's the breakdown of the investments and the NW growth in the past 6 months.

• Stocks: $614k
• 401k: $200k
• HSA: $28k
• Emergency fund: $20k
• Total: $862k

Stocks value increased a lot due to recent market growth. I already maximized 401k for this year and with employer contribution and market growth, it's value also increased a lot. Added few thousand dollars to HSA as well. But I'm planning to withdraw around $5k for paying some medical bills later this year.
I had around $60k in emergency fund 6 months ago, I had to take $40k for some huge purchases (car and few other household things) as I didn't want to take high interest loans. I'm planning to start building it again back to $60k.
Overall I'm happy with the growth in the past 6 months. I had few financial goals for 2024.

• Increase NW to $900k (Savings, maximizing contributions etc). I think I'm on track.
• Buy a used car for less than $30k. I ended up buying a new car for $40k.
• Purchase a plot this year in my home town for building my dream post FIRE. This is still a WIP.

I also spent quite a lot of time diving into FIRE subreddits and learned a lot by reading others experiences, journey and etc. The more I read about FIRE the more I'm convinced that FIREing before 40 is what I really want in life and I started listing down what all I want to do after RE.
I have so many things in my list that now I don't think I'll have enough time to do all that. Now a days I don't worry about growing in my career, no frustration for not getting promotion etc. Instead I just keep my heads down and do my work and enjoy my life with my family. It's a liberating feel and I'm so excited about this whole journey.

I am an MS EE Integrated Circuits student admitted to both Northwestern and the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor. Both are strong EE programs so I'm having a hard time deciding. I want to go to industry after graduation. Not really into pursuing a PhD and cost is a non-factor. Here's a little info for both programs. Which one should I go?
Northwestern EE:
Pros:

• Course flexibility (can take courses from various fields such as Machine Learning, Cyber Security, Robotics, and IoT)
• Degree requirements are not restricting (need 6 units of any ECE courses and 6 units of any elective courses)
• Have the option to purse Thesis MS Degree, project-based degree, or course-based degree
• A lot of classes are project based. Lots of hands-on opportunities.
• Courses seem very interesting and diverse within Integrated Circuits (ASIC, Digital, Analog, VLSI, PCB, Solid State, Nano, Mixed-Signal)
• Can get a master's minor in various topics (entrepreneurship, engineering management, cyber security, etc)
• Flexibility in my specialization
• Smaller classes (1:9 faculty-student ratio), Small cohort (10-12 students)
• Chicago – great food, activities, and diverse people
• Good public transportation
• Travelling back to home is more accessible
• Can finish program in one year (Sept to June)
• Ranked #9 in overall university rankings

Cons:

• Engineering Career Fair seems to be lacking
• Not many top tech companies come to recruit on-campus
• No specific ECE career fair
• Ranked #17 - Graduate Engineering School
• Quarter system (seems to give more breath on courses and is more intense)

Michigan ECE:
Pros:

• World renowned faculty
• Great Advising and Career office
• Lot of big companies come to recruit (NVIDIA, Apple, Qualcomm, Intel, etc)
• Multiple career fairs and have ECE specific career fair
• Semester system
• Ranked #4 – Electrical Engineering School
• Ranked #7 - Graduate Engineering School
• One of the best ECE schools in the world
• Can be completed in one year (Aug to May)
• EECS 427: VLSI Design I course is highly regarded in the eyes of industry recruiters

Cons:

• Coursework is more restrictive (have to choose from a pre-determined list of courses: 9 credits from a list of core courses, 7 credits from a list of non-cores ECE courses, 4 credits from a list of 5 project-based courses, 6 credits from a list of entrepreneurship courses)
• Courses do not seem as interesting and are more time consuming
• Can't get credit for research due to MEng degree
• My specialization cannot change (Microelectronics and Integrated Circuits)
• Less accessibility to travel home
• Might have issues with transportation

Follow-Up Questions:

1. What big tech companies come to recruit at NU (hardware roles)?
2. What support does the engineering career office offer to NU students?
3. Should the difference in ranking be a big consideration?
4. How does NU set one up for success with recruiting?

Sorry if this is a very long read. I appreciate any advice, thanks!

baby is 10 and a half months, 9 months adjusted tomorrow as she was 7 weeks premature. took her up to bed at 18:30 after a bath, red light, rain sounds, dark, cream, pjs, sleep sack, bedtime book and nurse. fell asleep for 19:00, at about 19:08 put her in crib. woke up within 2 mins. nurse again for agesss and wasnt falling asleep. try patting back while on my chest which wasn’t working and she was getting annoyed so put in crib about 19:50 and attempt to pat back for 20 mins and give up. nurse again, 20:30(?) she stopped and patted her back on my chest and she was fussing so bounced her, started fussing again at this point in getting angry and just cried. then put her in the crib patted for back for a bit, she stopped wriggling and fell asleep at 20:51. at least it wasn’t like the two nights before this where it was the same except she was screaming. today she had two naps, woke up at quarter to 8. first nap can’t remember how long but she woke at 11 but second was 14:30ish till 15:08 (started nursing at 14:00).
shes never been a good sleeper, but the past while had consistently gone down easy for bed. bedtime routine was always between 7-8, dim red light pjs nappy book nurse etc. morning wakeup could be anytime like 6 7 8 9. only in recent months has she started sleeping in her crib instead of our bed because i started putting her down on her belly. im implementing anew stricter routine in the hope it helps. bath, getting ready for bed 6:30, lotion, nappy, pjs, sleepsack, book, nurse. with the same red light and rain sounds. with waking her in the morning at a set time (either 6:30 or 7, not sure which at the moment). i have blackout curtains but they aren’t 100% and with it being near summer its not 100% dark, so ive brought a portable blackout curtain and it should hopefully be here thursday or friday.
her naps have always been all over the place, being 20-40 mins. before today being either 2-3x, hadn’t really been tracking wake windows too much. if we are out of the house she will be too distractible to nap most of the time. when she was littler i had to rock and bounce for up to an hour and it was IMPOSSIBLE to put her in her crib, it got better and she would nurse and conk out but now i feel like shes just getting worse. she can wake up 3-5 times per night on top of now it being a struggle to get her down for bed. i’m at the brink now and just hating being a mother, having feelings of hating even her and i get so angry. sleep issues, weaning going nowhere, tired of nursing, especially nights like this it makes my skin crawl. sometimes i just want to run away. i don’t know what to do anymore. i was vehemently against cio but now i just dont know what to do. whether its cio or paying a sleep consultant with money i dont have. i just do not know what to do anymore. im just so tired of it all. sorry if this is a bit all over the place it is a big vent but any advice is appreciated.

Just venting here. I’m newly diagnosed (last year) and I’m being treated by my primary care doctor. I like my doctor a lot and he listens to me and acknowledges my concerns. However, every time I visit for an in-person appointment, I get stuck seeing a PA or an NP for the majority of my appointment before my actual doctor comes in at the end for about 3 minutes max. I had an appointment today and was seen by a PA I’d never met before. She was clearly intelligent, but was very set in her ways and dismissive. She just wanted to get me done and out of there. She seemed skeptical that I had ADHD at all, asking who diagnosed me (literally the doctor she’s working with lol) and trying to connect my symptoms to other conditions. Being diagnosed and medicated was life changing for me, which my actual doctor saw firsthand. It nearly eliminated many of my other issues. When I brought up a symptom I was experiencing to this PA today, which is a pretty common and documented symptom that comes with ADHD, she chuckled and said that sounded more like a behavioral issue and that I should just stick to a routine. I did my best to explain that I believed it actually did relate to ADHD without insinuating that I knew more than she did. I wish I had just told her the name of the issue and that it was a legitimate symptom, but I’m socially anxious and felt very demeaned. She let up a bit when I started crying after we were discussing something else, but then went on to interrupt me when my doctor did come in to discuss.
I already hate going to the doctor and I’m terrified of confrontation. It took me a decade to even be honest about my issues and I still feel like I’m not fully open. I had another NP at one of my recent appointments and did not have a good experience with her at all either. It’s getting to the point where it’s almost becoming traumatic, and I’m more and more anxious about bringing up concerns at my appointments or asking for help.
The best part about of it is that the PA/NPs usually discuss an entire plan with me with back and forth for probably 20-30 minutes, and when my doctor comes in at the end he always has a completely different, better plan that he reached within 2 minutes of discussion with the PA/NP. It takes about 30 seconds to settle it with me. I get that this is how things are now, with providers trying to save as much money and get as many people in and out as possible, and my doctor is very popular and often runs late. But I feel like I’m paying for an appointment where I spend 90% of the time battling with people who are ill-informed and dismissive. I come out of it with less time and money and more emotional baggage.

I (29F) need to end my 2.5yr relationship with my partner (24M).
First time posting, so I’m not really sure where to start here, but I’ve come to the conclusion that my relationship needs to end. The problem is that I stink at telling people in all aspects of my life that I have a problem with them. In our relationship there have been times where I haven’t been honest with how I was feeling in the relationship, because I didn’t know how to bring it up in a way that didn't bring me extreme anxiety. Its like I can't put the words together the way I want to, so I just sit in silence trying to make words leave my mouth.
My boyfriend has some good qualities, but my reasons for ending things are

1. He likes to tell me I am naive and brings up past trauma of mine to prove it
   
2. He’s never there for me when I have tough days at work (will let me vent but isn’t actually listening)
   
3. He doesn’t believe in mental illness and thinks it’s just an excuse for laziness
   
4. Doesn’t really make time for me anymore (hard to say if he ever really did)
   
5. We have very little in common
   
6. He doesn’t like how I was raised with very little discipline and has told my parents this to their face
   
7. We have very different worldviews - politically and otherwise, if that makes sense
   

Idk there’s so much to unpack…it would be hard to cover it all. I’m not sure how I let it get this far. The red flags were flying high the whole time, I think. I’m 70% sure he has narcissistic personality disorder. We broke up for a short time at the beginning of the year (he asked me if we should so that's how it was brought up in that conversation), but I decided to get back together with him a week or so later.
We recently fought, so I have my space right now. But I’m not sure how to go about bringing up the topic when we do meet again. I had the chance the day of the fight but I chickened out because I didn't know what to say. Doing it in person scares me shitless, but I know it’s rude to do it any other way.
Anyone have any good openers? Or general advice for an anxious person like me? Thanks in advance!

Issue with vehicle running lean at idle and highway speeds if you have any I sight and don't want to read the whole thing
So i have a question, hoping someone might have some insight. I recently bought a modded 2012. Didnt know exactly what was done besides the usual. Well I thought that the snout bearing and/or isolator was going bad so I ordered a gm snout kit amd proceeded to attempt an install. Got the supercharger off to find it has a solid isolator already but more importantly, the snout and blower are ported. Meaning I cannot just install the new snout.
So I resealed the snout and supercharger to vehicle. I also installed a flex fuel sensor at the same time. After I was done drove vehicle to find it went lean. Hp tuners says fuel trims defaulted to zero and vehicle is running off of mass airflow. Defaulted to no fuel trims is another issue altogether. The main concern is when it does read it is +24 to +30 fuel trims in both banks. I already was home at this point so I had limited tools. Started spraying around with carb cleaner thinking I messed up a seal or sealant. No change when spraying around, but I couldn't quite get to the underside. Next, I unplugged the mass airflow sensor to find fuel trims return to normal. This tells me either the sensor went bad for some reason or there is unmetered air in the engine. I did some more looking around at my vacuum lines and everything but nothing came up. Blocked off evap purge and pcv system, no change. Removed and plugged vacuum lines to the vacuum actuator, no change. Finally removed supercharger again and inspected all my sealant, and everything looked good but I resealed it anyway.
Fuel trims are still high, mostly around +25. Brought it in and connected a power smoke machine to it set at 5psi. Can only see some coming out of the air raid intake pcv port. Sealed up the port and reinstalled, no change. Mass airflow at idle before was 2.1 lb/hr and now it is 1.9 lb/hr
Only thing I can think of at this point is something was wrong before and it was tuned for whatever was wrong and now that I "fixed" something it is now tuned incorrectly. Posting this on hp tuners as well but figured maybe someone has some Information

I want to start off by saying that I am aware that both Konami and Crypton Future Media are different companies with different businesses. The original intention behind my previous post was because I wanted it to be an empathy post where we could both share how we aren’t getting great things for 2024 this year, and possibly craft some theories of why this may be the case for one, or both companies if common problem and grounds could be found. That post was for people who love and know about DDR and Vocaloid.
For people who knew only about the DDR side, I apologize for having the post mainly one sided about Vocaloid at the very top. The reason for this was because, as I said in a comment on my previous post, I had been following the problems of the Miku Expo since day 1, and it got to the point where I could list many and possibly all the bad things off the top of my head.
DDR, meanwhile, I literally had 1 statement made, and I gave instructions to search up KAC 11th talk and you could find the video made by Dr. D Gaming on YouTube. I DID KNOW about what the content covered, but, because I had learned about it just yesterday, I would have had to sit down and type details on my post while rewatching the video because it’s not possible to instantly remember a near 30 minute video without repetitive watching for some people.
You can stop reading at this point because down below is the reason why I brought Vocaloid here. If you are still curious anyway, keep reading. I will also include DDR first this time unlike in my last post. It will be from memory without looking at the video again, but it’s better than nothing. Plus, you could always search for the video yourself to verify and get more information.
The reason why is because I was exploring the possibility that, possibly by coincidence, both Konami and Crypton Future Media did not like westerners, and they had pretty much gave the community watered down or no events at all.
For DDR KAC, such problems are:
You must know Japanese in order to be qualified for KAC because the final round will be in Japanese(this was shown and removed on their website as shown in the video. Note:It might have been a previous KAC year, but I’d have to go back and check)
You must pay for your own flight(literally had no problem flying overseas players from previous years)
iamchris4life along with 3 other people had their KAC entries called into question, and could be disqualified if not addressed. I imagine that they had very good and strong reasons, but was still turned down anyways. Konami even had the audacity to say to their face they appreciate and hope they continue to support them.
If you were disqualified from KAC ever, you’re never participating again.(That would pretty much narrow the event down to Japan only)
There was a KAC song that was region locked specifically to Japan
Various things here if I could remember them.
Last one I can remember. While not a problem, it’s an acknowledgment from the DDR champion of this year, HIBKI. They knew the technicalities is a bs reason to keep players outside of Japan from participating as kind of implied if you know the context behind his champion speech(seen in Dr. D Gaming’s 11th KAC DDR video)
For Vocaloid, a lot of things at the Expo went wrong. These things are:
Limited merchandise(100 glow sticks when literal thousands are coming to the concert)
No communication about the LED screen(It’s important to note that fans have pointed out that there is no difference between transparent glass screen and LED screen because it’s fine as long as the screen is integrated with the stage. When that happens, it can cause the same immersive effect that the Vocaloids are truly there and on stage.)
Unable to refund tickets(turned off by the organizer which would be Crypton).
Tickets for the Europe tour being released on the day of the concert, meaning, there was almost no way for Europe fans to know about the transparent glass screen switch before it was too late.
False advertising(the Vocaloids being projected on to the glass screen like years prior before this 10th anniversary)
The no glow stick rule other than the official ones by Crypton(this lead many to believe that the transparent glass screen + projection would be used, implying that it was not going to be an LED screen)
Crypton is not addressing the backlash until the NA tour ends, or possibly, until the Europe tour ends which would be the end of the year. If we assume we are getting a response at all(this could be a debatable problem. I can kind of see why they are waiting until the end of the tour)
As you can see, while these are very different events, and situations, it could come off as them hating westerners. Someone on my previous post had wrote an interesting theory that perhaps for Konami, there are 2 different management/team members. One goes for global expansion because they see potential. The other doesn’t want to take the risk creating mixed messages. Naturally, my reply would be that we had the team members who weren’t going for global expansion this year.
I also kept this insight in mind just in case if Crypton also has more than one management and is facing a similar problem.

I love the Ashlands and it's already become my favorite biome, because it actually feels challenging. That being said, there are a couple things I dislike and I'm really hoping that these are either addressed before or after the update goes live.
1- Drakkar is the worst ship in the game. It's slower than the Karve for some reason, if you try to use it for sailing to older biomes, you can go ahead and kiss an hour and half of your time goodbye. Even with tailwind it feels painfully slow. Also I love sailing through narrow or cluttered waters, but why am I forced to bring the Drakkar (a ship that is 2x wider than the Longship), to a boiling sea filled with tall, wide jagged rocks. This could've easily been mitigated if we just had a ceramic plated Karve, but no, bigger is better apparently. Drakkar looks cool, don't get me wrong, but in practice it just sucks. Instead of just making a smaller boat, they just removed more of the rocks which wasn't the problem to begin with, you're still going to hit those rocks with the Drakkar.

1. They kinda lied to us. They said this biome would have over 30+ new weapons and they said it would be the most weapon diverse biome yet. This is a half truth, there is only 12 (14 if you count shields) unique weapons in this biome, that 30+ number is completely bloated by the gem enchanting. You can enchant your sword 3 different ways sure but at the end of the day it's still a damn sword. No new knife, atgeir, battleaxe, buckler and of course, no new fist weapon. The problem of weapon gaps in this game is starting to get really annoying and they said in their walk and talk series that they wanted the Ashlands to accommodate ALL playstyles. We know this now to be not true.
   
2. As someone who uses magic, in the Mistlands, it felt really nice and balanced. It didn't overpower melee but it also didn't underperform when compared to melee. It felt good to use and it's raw power was balanced out by the fact that it was a new skill you had to level up. Now that I'm in the Ashlands my sword and magic skills are pretty equal, but I never really need to use my sword because of how op magic is now. In the Mistlands, the terrain prevented you from kiting the bugs all over the place, but in the Ashlands the terrain is far more flat and less bothersome to traverse, so you kite all you want. This allows you to deal insane amounts of damage while staying almost completely safe. The new Staff of the Wild is a symptom of this problem, you just throw 3+ down on the ground and kite all the melee enemies through the roots while you recover stamina/eitr. Don't get me started on Fader, he's completely trivial with magic, which leads me to my next point.
   
3. The difficulty of this biome seems to be aimed more towards melee players. Fader for example gives you barely any time to recover stamina, attack or heal. Lord reto is cheese for ranged, but will 2 shot you even if you have full level 3 flametal and 300+ health. Thankfully the Valkyrie at least comes down to the ground to attack you.
   
4. The fortresses, oh god the fortresses. I've been hyped to do "fortress time" for so long and now that it's here it just feels bitter-sweet. It's awesome to bring the battering ram up to the door and bust it down, but the actual combat there is pretty easy. Just destroy the spawners/Skuggs and kite the remaining dudes outside to finish them off. It also feels disappointing knowing that the original concept art for the fortresses showed them looking like castles, but the ones we get in game are just glorified boxes.
   

In conclusion, I just want to say I love this game and I love this update, but it still feels like it needs more content/time before releasing to the live branch. I highly doubt that will happen though and I bet they aren't going to do a whole lot with the Ashlands once it does go live :(. I pray to Odin that I am wrong. Thanks for reading.

Why did the farmer visit the pharmacy? To speak with the farm-assist.
Hi and welcome to my post! Wanted to start off with a funny to me dad joke.
Nice to meet you, I'm Dylan! To put it simple, I am a single 22 year old man who has been pretty lonely in life and lacking in female connection and interaction. And part of what comes with that is the desire to be intimate with a person. I am very mature for my age and will always be respectful of your boundaries and feelings, especially with anything sexual. Lately all I have is myself when it comes to sexual desires, so I would like to have someone to keep company with in that regard too.
I'm just relaxing at work since there's nothing really going on and thinking about going home tonight and burning a woodwick candle. Perfect for when there's a storm outside. I love candles! 🕯️ Sometimes a campfire outside on a fall night or a crackling WoodWick candle is a relaxing constant among our busy and hectic world. It's nice to just disconnect, feel grounded and happy in your own little cozy space. Feeling calm and collected and at peace. Something that fewer people take the time to do these days.
I am seeking a woman around my age or older to build a close connection with that could possibly lead to a relationship and something intimate which includes the possibility of teasing/sharing pics etc. but only when we were comfortable. Figured I would be open in my Intentions as that's the best way to be.
You:
Kind, respectful, and easy going.
Comfortable with the idea of eventually sharing intimate things together.
Willing to eventually move off of Reddit.
Want something genuine and fun!
Are honest in your intentions and a good person to be around!
That's about it, we will get along great I know it.
I've been feeling a little bummed out lately. I always try and stay happy and see the best in things. But.. I've just been so alone. Most of my whole childhood and adult years have been spent feeling lonely. I grew up surrounded by cornfields which was peaceful but also has a lonely aspect to it. My family never really were close and never did anything as a family really. And part of it too is the fact that I never had any neighbors my age to interact with. But aside from that, my adult life has been very lonely. I'm just always by myself. I barely have any meaningful adult relationships or experiences, or even any friends.
I work a 3-11 job in building maintenance at my company world headquarters building which I love, but again it's very lonely. I work the off shift so the building is always empty. I don't get normal social interaction with people my age or a chance to build relationships. I only have 3 older men as co-workers and we are mostly in the basement away from any people on the floors from knowing our existence. I always walk the floors and see office people laughing and chatting with their coworkers and I just don't have that kind of experience. And just.. no one knows I exist really. Everyone probably assumes I have a lot of friends, but I'm struggling inside with being so alone and trying to meet people and get past the "hi how are you?" "I'm good thanks" stage. Most people don't seem to want to talk beyond that. And most women are already in relationships and thus it would seem weird to approach them in an office setting trying to get to know them deeper. But man those "hi how are yous" are the only real interactions I get during my day.. so thus I decided to come here lol. Rant over, sorry! I promise I'm not a downer. 😅
Now for some things about me!
As you can tell, I am very mature for my age and am polite and have good grammar which unfortunately not everyone my age does anymore lol. I am not active at all on social media/internet culture really and don't know much about all the slang the younger people these days use. I feel like I'm 50. 🤣
I am left handed which is pretty cool. I'm not much of a party person or a drinker, I much prefer a quiet night at home and maybe a beer or two on a weekend but that's about it. I am simple and stay out of drama and trouble and don't get much into politics or other things that cause drama with people. I much prefer a relaxing campfire and a night at home and to just let the world keep on turning haha. I consider myself pretty intelligent and mature, especially for my age which is why I'm open to older ladies.
Physically I'm 180 pounds, have brown hair, green eyes, and a typical build. There's a few pictures on my profile.
Some of my hobbies are:
• Photography
I have a Nikon D200 and D5500 that I love to shoot with. I love nature scenes, abstract, black and white/goth kinda photography, sunsets, etc. it's so fun to just let your mind explore. It's not about what camera you have, but those who are behind the camera! I'm gonna try and photograph the northern lights tonight!
• Cooking and baking
I loveeee to cook and bake! I enjoy making various meals but also love to just have a frozen pizza once in awhile or something like that. I recently made homemade chili which turned out great. I love to bake, especially in the fall! I love pies, cakes, pastries, cookies, etc. I restored a vintage KitchenAid mixer that needed tbe gearbox rebuilt. Eventually I would love to practice home canning my own food.
• Music
Oh my gosh, I like so much!! Alternative rock, punk, post punk, electronic, synth pop, psychedelic rock, hard rock, etc. I am very non judgemental and open when it comes to music. My three current favorite bands are Type O Negative, Joy Division, and the Cure.
• Nature walks and camping
I really enjoy camping, making fires, and relaxing by a campfire. I love to take walks outside and just enjoy the beauty and simplicity of nature. It's wonderful, especially in a world so focused on everything digital.
• Repairing things
I'm a maintenance guy and one of my hobbies is electronics repair so I am good with my hands and just all around good at troubleshooting and fixing all sorts of things around the house. Last week I helped my elderly neighbor get his tractor started, it needed a new component in the starting circuit. So I'm pretty handy which... Comes in handy! 😂
• Autumn 🍁
This isn't a hobby per say, but man do I love the fall!!! It's my absolute favorite time of the year. Oh my gosh. The beautiful colors, crisp cool air, misty and foggy days, rain, lack of bugs, being cuddled up with a candle or by the fire drinking a tea, etc. I love it! There's only two seasons for me. Fall, and waiting for fall! Haha.
• Scented Candles and incense
Going along with my love for fall, I absolutely love candles! I have like 30 something lol. 😂 Currently my favorite are WoodWick, which are owned by Yankee candle. They have such a soothing crackle and the scents are great! I also love to burn incense from time to time as well. I have cottagecore hippie vibes.
• Old houses and architecture
I love old houses! Especially 1900s and Victorian era homes. Old homes have so much character to them and are just so beautiful from a time when people took pride in their craft. I strongly dislike the modern cookie cutter cheap construction of homes today. I would love to live in an old home one day. I also love their architecture and uniqueness, as well as architecture of old cathedrals and other buildings.
• Relaxing
Basic I know, but sometimes on the weekend I just love to get cozy in bed and relax and put on a YouTube video or an album! 😊
That's about it for me, I'm a pretty laid back and simple person. My ideal person is someone who is respectful and honest! I am very straightforward and open minded and would hope that you are as well.
If I seem interesting to you at all I would love to hear from you!
Thank you so much for reading.

I’m a Financial Analyst (27M) who is coming up on 3 years with my company. I had my annual review, which increased my TC from $82,550 ($75k base + 10% bonus) to $96,134 ($80k + 20%). This is up 34.5% from my starting TC of $71,500.
I was hoping for $85k base but didn’t even consider the possibility of an increased bonuses, at least not until promoted to an Associate. Not sure how I feel about the new TC since on one hand I rather have a higher base, but on the other hand it’s marginally better (+3k).
I find myself in a predicament with the main factors being pay and career growth. $80k base doesn’t go too far on the west coast, but I have a decent record of annual increases. I got merit increases of 7.69%, 7.14%, and now 16.36% for an average TC increase of 10.40% YOY or average Base increase 7.17% YOY. I believe these are strong and consistent increases that I am not sure I’ll find elsewhere.
I’ve done the market research and for my role / experience and I think I am paid fairly. Not good, not bad, but just fair. I mention this because I don’t think I have leverage in this regard. The good news is that I know Associates make around $120k-$150k base. However, there is not a clear path to an Associate, given how small our firm is. I have found that most Associates have been here for no less than 5yrs and that’s about the best benchmark I currently have. Assuming a promotion to Associate is around the 5yr mark, that’s a little over 2 years away, which scares me because by then I’ll be pushing 30 years old. I don’t want to be a 40yr old Excel junkie with no hope for a management role.
I’m sorry for the long read, but I feel like this is all important context for a pivotal decision. I’d only switch jobs for +$100k. But I would need +20% increases every year (small likelihood) to match what I theoretically could make if I just stayed for an Associate.
Am I being impatient? If so, do I just shut up and ride out a few more years to hopefully be promoted to an Associate? Do I get some job offers and ask my current company to match? What’s the best course of action to increase my income?
My current plan is below, but please advise otherwise.

1. Talk with boss and see what the next 2-3yrs look like. Don’t give away my position or leverage, but find the likelihood of being promoted to an Associate.
2. If the talk does NOT go well, ask how I can improve and do that for 3 months. Then start getting job offers and see if they’ll match.
3. If they do NOT match, ride out for 3 more months, collect my bonus, and dip.

Less important information, but worth considering:
I really like my company. My boss and my boss’ boss are down to earth and are super accommodating with PTO, personal issues, and general work-life balance. There’s no micromanaging or company software that tracks your every move. Work life balance is pretty unbeatable, and I have a lot of free time even after taking on “additional” tasks (I used quotes because I can do much more, but they don’t necessarily have a business need for much more). We have full benefits and the company pays for our own ESPP-equivalent; it doesn’t come out of our paychecks, but there is a 5yr min hold.
I often feel like this is a great place to work when you’re NOT young. What I mean by that is building and growing your career elsewhere and then coming here when you want to settle down with a mortgage, kids, or whatever. Coming in a higher level definitely has its benefits (VP+ make min $300k) and there’s a lot of older employees that are probably going to retire here, which somewhat validates this hypothesis.

Relationship help?
help!!!!! im so confused
i 14m like this girl in the samw year as me. but its so confusing so i’ll tell u the story first. (its a long one)
I’m from England and so is the girl i like. lets call her Julie. and we go to the same high school. one year an opportunity for an exchange was brought up. In October we’d spend 10 days at our exchange partner’s house in America and go to their school and go round the island learning about different things. Before this, i’d wanted to know who Julie was etc. and I’d kept her at the back of my mind. To my luck, Julie was also going to go on the exchange (There were 30 of us and there are 300 people in my year.) So after the snapchat group chat was made I very smoothly 🤣 slided into Julie’s DM’s. We just talked loads instantly and we were yet to talk in real life. (She is in the other half of the year so we didn’t have any classes.) Meeting after meeting about the trip and we still hadn’t talked. Eventually, the trip arrived and we were headed to heathrow from a local airprot and Heathrow to the airport in america. In the security bit we finally spoke. Julie made a joke as I scurried around trying to be as quick as possible. From there we just kept talking and we even talked on the plane (when she woke up). She was sat behind me and I was sat with a friend and us three talked.
I can’t remember all the details but basically, throughout the whole trip me and her talked the whole time and people always shipped us if you get what I mean. However, I do remember the airport back. We had a three hour wait time I think at the american airport. and we were going around in small groups of four or five and I just spontaneously chose to go around with Julie. Julie was with two of her other friends but we spent the whole three hours making tiktoks and laughing and joking about and we both really enjoyed it. Finally, we were back home and we proceeded to text until school came by again. This is where another recently solved problem comes around.
The last day of the trip there was a massive party and I met this girl lets call Bella. Me and Bella started texting from there and sort of started liking each other. By this point I really really liked Julie and never stopped thinking about her but never knew if she felt the same and was very cautious about it. However, me and Bella kind of died down after a week or so.
So it was back to me putting my full effort into liking Julie. At school we didn’t talk much be exchange the few words whenever I saw her. I was really nervous around her in real life and tried to do my best to make it discreet I liked her and directed my attention elsewhere while still having full attention on her. Yet we texted like crazy and full on as well. We would always joke around and call each other names jokingly and we were really really friendly. We didn’t talk as much in January and February but picked up again in March. I still really really really liked her again and in April we shared our ambitions and they pretty much matched up and we shared our ‘types’ and we described each other but were completely clueless we liked each other. It got a bit confusing because she liked me ( I later found out in June/July) but also mentioned this other guy so I got confused and then in June it got really really messy.
You remember Bella right? Well the American kids all came over to England this time and stayed with us. On the first few days me and Bella didn’t talk however we did one day and we kicked about a ball on a field where everyone on the exchange was hanging out after we had a football match. From there me and Bella hung out a lot together and did stuff together in class activities. We really liked each other and I no longer liked Julie. (It’s really important to keep in mind me and Bella didn’t know each other deeply etc.) However my feeling for Julie still remained a bit but slowly died out even when I still liked Bella the first few days. Anyways, me and Bella had held hands a few times etc. and when Bella went we hugged a lot. We weren’t into a relationship and a few days later we stated ‘talking’ (A state in which the relationship is similar to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but is not official.) and we called a lot. However a few problems arose when me and Bella discovered each other’s emotions and how we live and what we live by. It was present she was over reactive, over protective, quite mean (For example I’d talk about my day and she wouldn’t care and she’d talk about hers.), she also talked to a lot of other boys oddly (For example she blocked me sometimes and a few days later my friend was at the top of her best friend-list with a 😗 next to his name.) and she always had excuses. It just didn’t work for me and I wasn’t happy at all. Prior to me and Bella stopping talking me and Julie started to text again.
me and julie started to text again in about july 2023. (idk). julie had just got out of a relationship in august so i only started liking her again in september 2023. i tood my friends and obviously word spread but i always said i didnt infront of her so idk if she knew or not. anyway we still texted alot however another guy liked her who also texted her and there was a bit of competition. for a few months i didnt even know if i liked her, some days i would, some days i wouldnt and i was really conflicted. now, the ither guy and her dont really text much and so im not really bothered. we still both text each other loads and weve had eachother st the top of our best friends list for two weeks😂😂. anyways i have no idea if she likes me or not but i like her and were like best friends. feel free to ask any questions.
By the way the girl from american is completely out the picture. Julie doesnt know i like her.

So, you said Lord Nicholas has no personality, which is true lol, but since I'm the devil's advocate, I took that as a challenge. Make yourself comfortable for a long read. Have some popcorn.
Why is this guy more of a tragic character, rather than a villain? And how does a man lose identity, and becomes a monster through desperation? I'll answer this for you below.
• Throughout Plague Tale Innocence, there are various signs that although he is personally close to Vitalis (no use of titles or formalities when speaking to each other) he is the execution, and not the mastermind behind the plans. For example, when Hugo's Macula was to be tested, he urged Vitalis on to put an end to the plague already, they are not here to play games.
• In the very same chapter, we get a little insight on what he believes and thinks about the conflict between the Inquisition and the De Runes. He doesn't understand why Beatrice De Rune resists their persuasion for information regarding the Macula, since their goals are shared -> ending the Plague. Ultimately, he blindly believes Vitalis wants to control the Plague to save them. And he does anything, ANYTHING to make that happen.
Commit genocide against peasants, and in the end, even go as far as killing Hugo.
Now, let's take a little turn to make a background check for this guy. Or at least what is hinted, and what can be assumed with intuition and theories.
• Like I mentioned before, him and Vitalis are personally close, and in the preultimate chapter of Plague Tale: Innocence, after his death, guards talk about him in the city. They are confused why Vitalis hasn't sent anyone for his search (I'll get to that one later), since he was his Protégé. This alone in itself wouldn't mean anything, but right after that a guard added "Maybe he found himself another Protégé" regarding Hugo of course.
Since this game is about innocence and children, it's almost safe to assume that Nicholas likely got taken under Vitalis' wings just as Hugo was now in the present. That would explain why they are close, and why Nicholas blindly trusts his master. Another dialogue backs this up, between the Arch Bishop and Vitalis. "Puppets like you will kneel and beg me to save them." and look who appears and kneels right there and then? Lord Nicholas. This is my theory, I can back it up but it isn't 100% surely true of course. Take it with a pinch of salt please.
• Now, time to get to why Vitalis didn't send anyone after Nicholas' disappearance... We saw nothing of the two months Hugo spent in the Bastion, but based on the Cathedral's state, it's safe to assume things didn't go that well with controlling the Macula. The plan was to get Hugo through the threshold finally, so that the Conjuration can begin. (Note to self: another essay later about that one). Although they tried to push Hugo through with hurting his mother, it didn't work. Because of this, Vitalis tasked Nicholas with taking Hugo to his sister, to end her life. This is simple, but it doesn't stop here.
In the chapter Blood Ties (where we control Hugo), we already meet an impatient Nicholas who wants to put an end to the Plague. Not only that, but let me get to one crucial sentence told by Vitalis. "Nicholas... You cannot understand." This hints at the disagreements between the two, and that Nicholas is not indulged in how this should be done. Nicholas tries to help Vitalis up, but he rejects the help too. It's quite symbolic for the one-sided trust between the two. Due to this growing mistrust, and how Vitalis didn't expect Nicholas to come back after his mission later on, to me it seems like Vitalis cut the ties and sent him exactly to his death to get rid of him.
• Vitalis' plan was never to get rid of Hugo once they pass the threshold ("I have a lot to teach the Carrier, and his friends."), and knew well, that Nicholas has no chance against Hugo and Amicia with the rats alongside them. He sent the man who trusted him the most to his death, and with that also chose his ultimate protégé - Hugo. It's also likely that Nicholas' mistrust grew because his position in the hierarchy was compromised, since it's likely Vitalis got obsessed with Hugo, and Nicholas almost realized he is played with. There is also the idea, that Vitalis sent him away to actually save him from the white rats he meant to send on the crowd anyway. Anyway, Vitalis is for another essay...
• The betrayed, the sacrificed. Who is he? There is absolutely little we know of him, except for his title and occupation. What always speaks in Plague Tale: Innocence though, is the design. I mean look at that drip- sorry.. In "A Making of Plague Tale: Innocence" the creative developers mention the importance of faces, and overall pure, intuitive impressions we get of our characters.
• There is only one character whose face we never see, and that is Nicholas. That doesn't only play as a psychological trick to make him more terrifying, but also hints at certain points. First of all, his robes are Dominican. This is historically fitting (although there were no dominican knights) since Dominicans were those entrusted by the Church to handle trials against heresy and begin inquisitions. This also hints that he is very religious and dedicated to serving the (assumed) good. I know, no way. Let's not forget about how faded out it is, or bloody. In NO way he is a good guy, but a tragic believer? Likely. Under the robes is the armour, which is hit all around. It's no news we talk about a very experienced and efficient knight who also happens to be serving Vitalis (NOT the Church! Explained in another essay, chill.). Knights start their training at 7, and only nobles are in for the job, obviously. I made the connection, that since he likely knows Vitalis from his childhood, and his training also began when he was 7 years old, and his name was Nicholas...
Side note: In medieval times, children were named after Saints to inwoke their blessing, in this case, among many things, protecting children.
It's likely that he himself, just like those he hunts, was an orphan, perhaps even a sinner, who had to be saved by none else, than Vitalis. Give it a thought, maybe he was a lost little boy like Hugo, whose innocence was stolen way too early. With how Plague Tale likes to play with irony and parallels between characters, I don't see this as unlikely.
• All in all, he is what his occupation is, and nothing human. He is the machine that serves. The cross, the judgement. We cannot see his face, because he has no identity except what Vitalis gave him. His role, his title, his mission (perhaps even name). As it can be seen, Hugo too, was dressed in robes showing the Inquisition's sign, like a mark of ownership over him.
• From the very start of the story, he was the representative of that time's barbaric cruelty, unforgiving, misplaced judgement. And as though from the children's perspective he was a monster from the very beginning, how did it go down? As I said before, he has no identity except his committment, and through that his morals, ambitions are shown. At the very start, they ambushed the De Rune estate, and we CANNOT know, if the violance was planned beforehand or it came due to Robert's resistance.
People were taken hostage for questioning, the goal was to capture Hugo, the Carrier, and Beatrice, the only one who can help them understand the plague's origins. It was bloody, but after this chapter, you can hear guards clearly say "capture children" and not just Hugo. Now, unbelivably, I don't think he wanted Amicia bad at the start. They confront each other in the English camp for the second time (where he paid a ransom for both of them), where he tries to negotiate with her to give them Hugo and stop running. Later his methods change, telling the plain truth that there is nowehere for her to go out there (These methods of convincing show a lot of personality and insight especially in the boss fight).
Later on, it's mentioned Vitalis is going hard on him but "he is used to it". Again, their shared history is hinted. The hunt for Hugo is fruitless still, and the plague is spreading day-by-day.
Next we hear from him, is in the chapter where we visit the city with Amicia. Or rather, that he is not exactly participating in the mission killing the sick. Since him and Vitalis disagree with methods of solving the Plague, and he is occupied with catching Hugo, there is a possibility this order of slaughter was carried out without his consent. Though, this is a high take and it would be totally in character to do such a task in the means of self-preservation.
Amicia's visions of him from Penance is not reliable, but at the very same time she clearly dreamed what happened and it's likely she mixed reality with hallucinations from exhaust. If, the hallucinations were true, that means Hugo did hear Amicia, but Nicholas directly diverted his attention from her and led him away.
It's hard to speculate if he did this to let nature do its work, or to actually show mercy, which is equally possible, since it was clear from the beginning that even though she killed his men, he knew she is simply running and kills as a means to survive.
Now, as I explained earlier, many things go down when Hugo resides in the Bastion, and we can only guess what that causes. I mentioned Nicholas' growing distrust, now let me introduce you to the psychological denial he experiences during the boss fight, along with his reflections pointing at the children. The man, becoming the monster. The fire (another essay since fire in Plague Tale is symbolic) causing him to destroy himself.
In the chapter Remembrance he goes to the Château d'Ombrage along Hugo, to ensure the boy passes the threshold with killing his sister, with this enabling Vitalis to pass as well. At first, Nicholas is quite calm and confident, sending Hugo to kill her "Go, and do what has to be done.". Interestingly, despite this, he still has his sword prepared, which shows he still doesn't trust Hugo. Later on, he knocks Arthur out, but doesn't kill him senselessly, despite the fiasco at the English camp. He takes Amicia to Hugo, and now threatens him to kill her, or else he kills his mother in front of him. After that, he tells him, if Hugo does as he tells him so, maybe Vitalis keeps him by his side.
This could hint that only by accomplishments such as this, and proving devotion, can one remain important in Vitalis' eyes. Also, that maybe, Nicholas had to go through something similar, "She means nothing to you now".
Doubts and frantic impatience take hold, which ultimately lead him to take matters into his own hands. He decides to kill her, himself. As he pushes Hugo away, she calls him a bastard, which he then turns back at her, to question her morality and self-righteousness. She betrayed him, that is why he gave himself up. It can be perhaps far-fetched, but this also can count as self-reflection already. Betrayal -> causing giving up, which happens later to him too.
After Arthur "takes care of him" (not exactly...) and the siblings reunite, Nicholas wakes up and this time, immediately kills Arthur. The death is not just a shock value as many believe, it also shows the already progressing monster stepping forth, and losing humanity entirely.
The boss fight has three phases. His methods at provoking the children, and self-reflect change and become way more intense with time.
In the first phase, he tries to separate them and tells Amicia that he knows it must be difficult to live in the Carrier's shadow. Also, that they are terrified. He is poking at her most vulnerable place, their biggest fear, which's "face" is ultimately him. Also, reminding Amicia of her biggest desire, that is to be acknowledged by her parents. Especially this can count as self-reflective, since as I said earlier Nicholas likely noticed Hugo is slowly replacing him in Vitalis' eyes. The wish to excell, and be acknowledged for the devotion is a deep scar this character could carry. He also reminds them of how their father died, to remind them of honour, which Nicholas obviously has a twisted sense of.
In the second phase, his first voice line shows surprise and fear, and anger in response to those feelings. He is more reckless and aggressive too. Here, again, he manipulatively reminds them how little they can do, and threatens them. This is both calculated and instinctual, since he says such things to bring the children out of their hiding places, but at the very same time also because he is slowly losing himself. There are also lines which can be reflective to his beliefs and assumptions based on himself, such as: "Your sister won't be able to save you child.... You are alone." There were already connections made between how Vitalis saved him, and if one puts it all together, this line shows how he doesn't believe in the siblings' bond, because his own bond with Vitalis broke, and Nicholas is (alike to Hugo) alone. Or there is also the line "What do you think you can do? You are nothing. [...]" I wanted to highlight this line because Plague Tale (among many other things) is about the helplessness one faces trying to protect loved ones, and/or trying to rewrite their fates. The fact that Nicholas dehumanizes them entirely, shows he knows the fact one, them or him, cannot change the course that has been set, but he is still in denial trying to fight it (a lot like Amicia in Requiem, by the way. Also, fire (this is why that needs another essay....).
In the third phase, he becomes uncharacteristically reckless and desperate, where he succumbs to the wrath and, his fate. "Come to me, come into my arms my dear children." His sanity decreases and he knows death is unavoidable. The question left is whenever he can bring them down with himself or fails. And failure, is unacceptable. He is better dead, than failed. "I will teach you the meaning of sacrifice" this line shows that likely, he accepted his last quest knowing well he is going to die probably. That he rather burns himself, bring hell, than letting go. He keeps shouting the motto of his order, because that is the only thing that he clings to. It's pathetic and forced, inhumane. "[...] We'll die together" <-> "I will boil your blood until it spurts from your eyes", "You are going to pay, [...]" by this time, he keeps switching tactics at approaching and luring them out, frantic and monstrous. His words mean nothing by this time and desperation takes hold. What line of him is the purest, rawest, and most honest, between all the threads and claims, self-convincing attempts to maintain devoted is this: "The pain... To feel oneself alive... And deliver death." This line might seem like one among the many terrible threats, but it in fact shows his deepest belief. That is, of pain and life. Sacrifice and death. That those who live, have to kill, and that is what it means to exist in this world.
• In Plague Tale Innocence and Requiem, we see Amicia's development into a murderer who follows similarly blind committments.
She ultimately becomes, what she condemned, and what caused her great misery. What, in the end, she herself becomes if Hugo doesn't lead her on the right path. A monster.
So, to sum it all up, Lord Nicholas represents the human being of that time, whose identity is what he serves, and nothing else.
It makes one selfless, righteous, but at what cost? Violence spreads from one person to another, while everyone tries to save what is precious to them. Hope this helped seeing him as more human and with more personality. Cheers. A few more points I couldn't exactly integrate are the following:
• A few things showing the underlying morality and plain intentions: at first he tried to negotiate with both Robert, Amicia, and Beatrice as well. He condones stealing entirely. He doesn't kill Arthur at first.
• In the concept art he is left handed. In Middle Ages, left handed people were considered sinful, since it was the "devil's hand". This added with the self-punishing- self-destructive-Catholic mindset, added with his devotion, signs that he is penitent, and does what he should for a greater good, a salvation, and carries the burden of "sacrifice".

I am neha ( 26 f ) , I am here to vent and get some suggestions or maybe even a real friend . This is a story of how I ruined my love life and destroyed the man who meant everything to me . We grew up in Coimbatore , i first met my boyfriend when I was in 11th grade , I actually saw him in a video , it was a Facebook video made by his friends , one of his friend proposed a girl , so they made a video of it , he was there in it too . He is tall , above 6ft , he looked ok , normal , a bit weird too with his specs and curl hair . He didn’t stand out , after few days I saw in a local chat place , he was with his friend , all sweaty , they came from gym . I recognised him immediately though. I saw him sneakily , idk why , after going home I sent him a request to his Insta . We started talking the same night , he said he saw me too , we connected way too fast , he was very funny and practical, we became best friends very soon , we almost spoke daily , in that following year we became so close, there wasn’t anything sexual , we just talk about our day and our lives daily , then he got into a relationship with a girl , I liked her too , life was so easy and fun back then , after we got into college , I Started to date a guy in my college , but we didn’t stop talking , nothing changed between us , after going to college we started getting drunk and smoking up , it was all new and we all did it almost everyday in first year , it was pretty fun . The guy I was with that time , didn’t really smoke up that much , he got drunk but he didn’t smoke pot that much , but the rest of us gathered everyday to smoke pot and play carrom . We both even meet at night to just smoke up and listen to music . At the end of the first year , one day he called me one evening and told me that he wanted to meet me , he sounded very low , I was with my my boyfriend and his friends that time but I left there immediately,booked an auto and Met him at a usual place near an IT park , we drink coffee and smoke cigarettes there usually.he was already there when I went in , he saw me and smiled but that looked very sad , he told me that his girlfriend kissed someone , a distant cousin of her actually , she kissed him in a moment and texted her girlfriend about it , she mentioned that she regrets it very much , I can’t stand it , I don’t know what to do , I feel nauseous, stuff like that . He showed the screenshots , he didn’t talk much he just smiled but that killed me . I was so angry on her , I didn’t even know what to do to make him feel better at that moment, I said she is not worth it , don’t worry , things like that . He didn’t talk about it after that , he changed the topic and he just sat there for 30-40 mins just smoking thinking about something. We speak almost daily and I know everything about him , he told me when they first had sex , we speak about everything, just not anything sexual to each other , when I saw him like this , I was feeling only rage , I was so angry on her , I don’t understand why she kissed some other guy , after getting into that relationship he was very loyal , I know how loyal he was , he even got a tattoo of her initials , but when he knew about this kiss , it made him so sad I guess . After 2 hours , we went home . I called her as soon as I went home , i scolded her so much , she started crying and told me that it was a mistake, she sounded very regretful too , she cried so much , I couldn’t bring myself to be mean after that .but that night i couldn’t sleep , my ex called me all night but I didn’t pick his call , I kept texting him , we used to text in Snapchat daily , I kept sending him texts and he texted me back to , he said he is going to get drunk and pass out , I also felt that’s better , after some days she even cut her hand , like scratches with knife on wrists , she was very regretful too , then somehow they didn’t break up , he wanted to after that but she didn’t let him , but gradually it got ok , but after this we started to speak and meet more frequently than before , I started to drop him in my college , both of our colleges are in same road , we started going in one vehicle daily. Mostly I drove , we speak all the time about nothing , even when we were going on my scooty , we just make fun of people in road , we laughed , had fun . One day he even pressed my breasts accidentally, side of my breast . I started neglecting my ex , that guy I dated that time , after few months , people started to notice , but still we didn’t care . (I actually come off from a well doing family , my family has enough money but my parents have a very unsuccessful marriage, they don’t even speak to each other , I have a younger sister and elder sister . My elder sister is married , my younger sister difference is 3 years . My parents doesn’t speak to each other , my mom openly says that they are together only for the kids . ) I loved being with him , he made me feel safe , comfortable and it’s always warm when I’m with him . We smoked pot all the time though , it was so fun , we even bunked college went to room and just smoked pot and watched anime all day . One day my ex boyfriend and his friends were in Ooty and they wanted me to come , I said I’ll come with him , I can’t come alone , and I asked him to come . We rolled some joints and started to go in his bike , we went a beautiful ride , stopped and smoked up in between, after we reached there I went with my ex boyfriend. We all smoked up that night got drunk , he usually doesn’t talk that much , but all of us were drunk and it was chill , some of my friends like him some don’t , but it’s all chill . We stayed in a tent stay there , that night I was with my ex , he wanted to make out , we kissed and did some stuff but I just felt restless and distracted, I kept thinking about him and my ex was a drunk too , it didn’t turn me on , after some time he passed out . I went out and went to his tent to see him if he is asleep , but he wasn’t there , then I started to look for him and I found him near the fire place , he was smoking up there alone with a phone in his hand , he was just singing this song 7 years by Lucas I think , he was singing along with a joint in his hand , he saw me coming , smiled but he didn’t stop singing, I can see him feeling even little embarrassed, but he looked so happy and free . I sat down there started to smoke up with him . After sometime I asked him why haven’t even kissed even once , I just asked him in a fun way but he got all serious all of a sudden , he saw me straight in the eyes and told me that he would love to kiss me , I literally felt butterflies in my lower tummy , my hips felt all tight too , idk , I still remember everything though . I kissed him in an instant, I kinda rushed in and kissed him, it felt magical . We kissed for a long time , we just kissed , nothing else . But I loved it , after sometime we separated, he saw me smiled and said I tasted sweet and bitter with weed taste . But my heart was beating so fast that time , I wanted to make out with him right there , I’ve felt horny before but he was the only guy made me feel like this , I tried to kiss him again but he stopped me and told me im drunk and asked me to go sleep . Next morning they asked me to go with them but my mind was fully on that kiss , I came back to cbe in his bike , we didn’t talk anything for the first time I just hugged him on the way back , it was nice too . I thought about plans to break up with my ex , after he dropped me home I kept thinking about the kiss , things got normal after a few days , we were like before but we started to flirt a bit , I started to call him baby and it gradually became very intimate . One day in a movie I kissed him again and he kissed me back too , we started making out bit by bit , it developed into a place where he started to grope me while im driving , I enjoyed every bit of that , I broke up with that guy I was with but he was still with that girl . Around final year first semester end they broke up too . We had intercourse the next day , it was amazing , I loved everything about him and the best thing is he is my best friend too . We rented a place for us by college end , we had sex every single day , it was the best , I loved staying with him . After this there was covid and we had to stay in our place , for one whole year I lived with him happily, he never let me down even once , he was already very caring from beginning but after we got committed , he really did treated me like a princess . He didn’t speak much but his actions were most considerate , we both worked remotely and having the time of our life , two years went by , I was happy and fullfilled , at the end of third year he quit his job and tried to get a different better job with extra good pay , 3 months passed by , one day few friends of mine from my work visited our place , they told me about opportunity to work in chennai for a month , I took it and went to chennai for a month , he dropped me to bus and sent me off to chennai . We spoke daily but not that much , I went out with my friends daily got drunk , just having fun . Some of my friends think my boyfriend is beneath me , one even said that I deserve better , she said he didn’t even get a job in three months joked and asked me whether I am the one who’s paying rent , actually he never asked me rent or money , he always paid for everything , but that time when they were joking I didn’t defend him , I still couldn’t believe that I didn’t say anything . In that week I met a guy , he came with my friends , he flirted with me when I was there , after I went back to PG I got a text from this guy , he got my number from my friends it seems . After some texts I responded and we started texting ,i liked the attention I think idk , I was talking to my boyfriend daily too , but somehow he noticed that I am not ok , he asked me about it and I said it was work issue and I am tired , 3^rd weekend I met that guy alone , he wanted to have a drink and I went , I slept with him that night , to be honest the sex wasn’t good , when he got inside me I felt darkness , I swear . Idk why I did it , after sex that guy slept in a second , I saw him lying down and I felt like killing myself , I left to my pg in midnight , I booked a cab and went back . I saw my snap notifications from him but I couldn’t open it , I blocked that guy’s number , I went to pg , cried myself to sleep . Next morning I spoke to my boyfriend , told him that I got cold and resting today , he told me that he got a job as a business manager for a US IT firm , he sounded so happy and told me that he called yesterday night to tell me this . I was crying so hard when he was on the phone , at that moment I swear I even fogot the face of that I slept with , he asked me to get rest and I hung up . I couldn’t talk to him , I felt so guilty and ashamed , as I was thinking this I get a notification my swiggy that he placed order to my pg , he bought soup . I broke down , it was like everything is telling me how big mistake I made , suddenly my thought went to that day he told me about his ex’s kiss , I can see that sad smile . I decided not to tell him and love him more and more , he had his birthday in 15 days I wanted to do something for him . When I came back from chennai , he picked me , he was so happy to see me , he spoke about his new job to me on the way , he was like a child , maybe cause he missed me for a month , I can see that he is so happy like silly child just to see me , after going home I had sex with him , I even rimmed him and I kinda liked it , it was the best sex we had , I felt alive and also very guilty . I treated him better and better to ease my guilt , but this made him very happy , I arranged a small party with my sister ,his friends and my mom .the day before his birthday we got drunk he asked me why I am not being adamant like before , ‘enna kadhal ha ‘ (joking sayin I am so in love) he joked about how afetr five years we can get super rich and start a family , I melted hearing all this .i promised myself that I will never let him down . but ha ha This is why I think karma is a bitch , at the noon of his birthday I got a text from that guy saying that he is thinking about that night . He heard the notification took the phone to pass it to me , he just saw the phone simply , just a glance and he just stopped and opened the text , I was blowing up balloons opposite of him , I saw his face and my heart sank , he came closer and gave me the phone , he didn’t speak anything , I opened my phone in a panic , saw the text and I saw him , he asked me ‘ so you slept with some guy ? ‘ , I didn’t reply , my whole mind got blank , I felt like I was gonna faint , he just saw me and said why . Of all these years I knew him I never saw him cry , but now his voice was shaking , he just asked me ‘ yen ‘ (why in tamil) . I saw tears on his eyes , I can see his eyes becoming lifeless in a matter of minutes , I tried to hug him but he just moved away , no matter how much we fight , when I hug him , he gets all cute and lovely , but he just moved away in an instinct . He then came forward hugged me tightly , he said ‘ sorry ‘ . I still don’t know why he said sorry , but that sounded so weak to me , he is my everything and I hurt him , I know everything about him and I still fucked up . He hugged me for some more time , I knew this warmth might be the last thing . After few mins , he rubbed his eyes in my dress , saw me smiled the same way . But it felt more like he is laughing at himself , I watched my 6 ft man walking out of the room , I just stood there alone , and I felt very cold , I remember that cold everyday , evening people came for the party and he got ready and cut the cake , fed me the first piece , my mom and sister was there too , he behaved very good , spoke with my family , but I can see that he is broke , but he still made it through the night , I went to speak with him that night , but he said he can’t . he said ‘ please I can’t ‘ . I choked hearing his voice , he went to terrace , I didn’t sleep at all that night , I walked around our little one bhk apartment , I smoked two packs of cigs that night , I went to check on him in the terrace by 4 , he was sleeping there on the floor , he hugs himself in sleep and its so cold , I cried watching him , just one day ago he was being silly like a kid talking about future family , now he is there alone , heartbroken . Morning usually he makes coffee and rolls one , I made coffee and rolled one , waited for him to come down . He came down saw me and smiled , but its not the cheerful smile , it just hurt so bad watching him like that , he drank the coffee , smoked up with me , even told me its good. Then he got ready , I cooked but he said he can’t eat , he is not hungry , that morning was so silent , he cheers up with he sees me , he was my biggest fan , now he left home with just saying bye . I got a text from him that aftrn asking me to move back to my mom’s if possible , I was dead . I couldn’t say no , I hurt him , he didn’t even scold me , he even requested me , I can only say yes . I asked him that I want to stay one more night , he said ok like always . That night I asked him to cuddle with me , he said ok , he wanted that too it seems , we just hugged in silent , he slept off quickly , he always told me that when I sleep with him it makes him stressfree and he gets a good night sleep . He was asleep on my breasts , I saw him sleeping and I couldn’t stop my tears , realising that this is the last time , I made a stupid mistake , but everything felt unimportant now , I saw him sleeping and I kissed him on his cheek , must have whispered sorry a 100 times , our four years relationship came through my mind , I realize that he made sure I was happy in every way he knew , I proposed him , I made him fall for me , now I broke his heart . I didb’t sleep that night too , morning I dozed off , when I woke up he wasn’t there, he made juice for me and left for work . I packed some of my stuff and went to my mom’s . when I stepped out of our little home , I broke down and cried . I went home and cried , I told my mom we fought , but my sister knew something was up , she tried to ask him but he said it was a small fight , I confessed to her that night , I still remember seeing her confused look , she is a gen z kid , but even she gave me a look of confusion , she didn’t understand how I could do that , she liked my boyfriend very much , she was almost proud of him . But when she knew I cheated on him , she felt disgusted I think . Our sister bind kind of broke too that night . My life was dull , I missed him every second , I missed talking to him , I missed his smell , everything . I just focused on work , two months went by with no contact . I saw him near IT park at our spot one day, he looked like he was sick , he lost weight , his eyes are dry , he looked so pale . I saw him from a distance and I couldn’t believe my eyes , my baby looked so weak and sick , he was having a coffe and smoking a cig alone at the place we used to sit . My eyes teared up watching him , he looked so lonely . None of my friends knew we broke up because I cheated , he specifically asked me not to say anything to anyone . I didn’t speak to him that day , I couldn’t . I was full with guilt . After going home I called his friends and asked how he was and they said that they lost all contact with him and he is ghosting everybody . I broke him and also made him alone , I seriously considered killing myself but I was a coward . After a month , when I was in office , my mom got a diabities issue and fainted , my sister called him in a hurry , he came immediatiely and admitted mom in hospital , when I came there I saw him with a plastic cover with insulins for my mom . After my elder siter came , he left , he asked me to call with updates . Before leaving he asked me why I cheated , he said “ is it because I am not satisfying you “ or “ you wanted a emotial support “. when he said that , I just stood there , I can see his face , hiding a humiliation , I never had a sex issue with him , I loved being with him , but my baby asked me this , I felt ashamed . I couldn’t face him , I just stood there , he said never mind and left . I stood there seeing him leave ,but I didn’t give up , I started texting and snapping so much and somehow I made him talk to me normally , but his eyes has lost its color, he looks like he is tired of everything . After few days we both got drunk and alone , I kissed him as soon as I got the chance , he kissed me back too , usually when he kisses , he hold me ears , looks me in the eyes and kiss me , he did the same out of the habit , as soon as our eyes locked , he bursted out in tears , I truly felt how much this man loved me and how much I hurt him , he wanted to do more but he stopped himself , when he burst into tears, my heart completely broke , I hate myself so much , I hate my friends for fucking up my mind , I hate that guy . My man is gettting punished for giving everything to me , its been a year , he changed , he looks lean , unhealthy , I even think his hair is falling , almost like a zombie . I would glady kill myself for him , I just want him to be happy , I destroyed the only person I love , I see how devastating this can get for him, he looks so weak , I can’r accept it . I should’ve defended him when they joked about him . Its all my fault , its been a year and I still can;t go back to him , I can’t imagine another guy to raise my kids , I want him . Help me .

Hello, I have been to Japan 1 time around 5 years ago before Covid. I spent the full time in Tokyo with the exception of one night around Mt. Fuji. I will be traveling with a friend this month, we are both Male and it is his first time. Most of my questions are regarding Kyoto, specifically how to get around. We are considering getting bicycles to ride to each location we would like to visit but google maps says its around 20 miles. We are both very fit and cycle often but since we are unsure of what the weather will be and how getting around on a bike is, we are not sure if its the best idea. Possibly may have to drop something to see in Kyoto, or push one thing to the evening prior or next morning instead. Please let me know your thoughts on the entire itinerary as well as my concerns regarding Kyoto. Also the only thing we dont have booked is both Shinkansen rides and ways too and from HND. Should we book them now?
23rd - Thursday - Land in Tokyo (HND) at 4pm. Scan QR code for eSim (need to figure out still). Exchange money. (Figure out best way to get from HND to Shinjuku, currently looking at Limo Bus). Check into AirBnB(in Shinjuku). Wander around close to home for the night and grab food.
24th - Friday - Head over to Ryogoku station, see the Sword Museum, then get to the Sumo Tournament around 1-2pm to catch the final two divisions. Probably head back to Shinjuku AirBnb and wander more around Kabukicho.
25th - Saturday - Go to Shibuya. Visit Meiji Jingu,Yoyogi Park, Nintendo Tokyo, Center Gai, Shibuya Scramble and possibly Shibuya Sky. (Considering Government Building instead / as well, maybe one in morning and other at night). Maybe Karaoke here or back near the AirBnB in Shinjuku.
26th - Sunday - Imperial Palace and the East Garden. Then to Akihabara where I will be spending a good amount of time wandering and shopping. Going to a bar in Shinjuku to watch the Monaco GP F1 Race at 10PM.
27th - Monday - Go to Nakano Broadway to do some shopping. Then go to Ikebukuro and Sunshine City, Pokemon Center and wander around.
28th - Tuesday - Take the already reserved Highway Bus at 9:45am (Shinjuku Expressway Bus Terminal) to Kawaguchiko Station (2 hours). Store luggage. Pick up our already reserved bikes at Kawaguchiko station at noon, bike to Chureito Pagoda, then Oishi Park, then around the rest of Lake Kawaguchi, Fujiomurosengen Shrine, then return the bikes. Check into AirBnB anytime after 4PM. Relax, enjoy the scenery of the lake and Mt. Fuji (fingers crossed).
29th - Wednesday - Take an already reserved Bus via Sekitori from Kawaguchiko Station (track no. 6) at 10:20am to Mishima Station North Gate (1 hour 30 min). Take the Shinkansen to Kyoto ( 2 hours 20 min). Maybe use a luggage locker to explore prior to checking into AirBnB (just south of Kyoto Imperial Palace) after 3pm. Go to Kyoto Imperial Palace and Garden or Nijo Castle. Wonder around for the rest of the day.
30th - Thursday - Need help getting to and from locations. Sights we would like to see during this day may be too busy? Should we move one of them to the evening prior or to the next morning? Kinkaku-ji, Arashiyama Bamboo Forest, Togetsukyo Bridge, Arashiyama Monkey Park. Then a section of Fushimi Inari and the section of Kiyomizu-dera and Higashiyama Ward.
31st - Friday - Visit any remaining spots if we chose to in Kyoto, take Shinkansen to Tokyo. Check into AirBnB. Go to Shinjuku Gyoen National Garden and Harajuku.
1st - Saturday - Early afternoon rent a car and go to Yokohama, visit Nissan Engine Museum and Nissan Gallery/Boutique. Then head to Diakoku Parking Area and hang out till it closes.
2nd - Sunday - Go to Senso-ji, Kaminarimon, then to Tokyo Sky Tree and Sky Tree Pokemon Center. If time left then go back to Asakusa to shop around Nakamise and Shin-Nakamise or open to suggestions.
3rd - Monday - Leaving this day open to decide what we want to do while we are there.
4th - Tuesday - Check out, head to the airport (Limo Bus?) (HND) for a 5:15pm flight.

“i cant do it anymore” “i really want to k@ll myself rn” “why is it so hard, i hate the fucking ib”
As an M24 student, the biggest observation that constantly came to my mind over two years of interacting with the IB people is the amount of whining, nitpicking, grumbling and crying. People dramatize the experience of plain studying to the extent that looking at any IB-associated subreddit, one could think that IB is actually THAT hard. Unbelievably, impossibly, destructively, atrociously hard.
But is it?
Speaking from personal experience, no, it is fucking not. It is designed to be doable, and it is more than doable to get a 7 in every subject. It is more than doable to score 80+ on every test, and y’all know about it. If you spent 2-3 hours of your time after classes every day to do some productive work, you would ace the IB, and yes, it is doable with setting your priorities right.
The six courses? Math, bio, physics, chem, whatever is considered the hardest. Take time to reflect - was it that impossible? Was that topic that confusing? Was that test that hard? If you actually did the work you were expected to do, would this subject be that difficult?
IA’s and EE? If you worked over summer between Y1 and Y2 and actually got to apply some knowledge to explore something that is INTERESTING TO YOU, something that sparks your curiosity, would all that research work be that annoying?
CAS? No comments needed, anyone knows its bullshit and treating it like bullshit works perfectly.
Bad teachers? The amount of free IB materials of the highest quality in the internet is incredible. No other program has so many resources for literally every subject you can take. Tell your fellow IB alumni at unis about your bad teachers. They will enlighten you on the actual problems of having bad teachers.
Think about IB this way before trying to rationalise your inability to set the priorities right, and using the excuse of “the hardest high school program in the world” next time.
Y’all gotta admit the fact that if you tried not even hard enough, but just consistently enough, the lowest grade you would get for any test would be a 6. And y’all gotta admit that this whining comes from your personal choices that you had made over the two years of studying.
I am not a perfect student either, and I do have struggles. But I have never tried to use the ego defence mechanism of crying how hard IB is instead of putting effort to make it a productive experience. Seek knowledge instead of typing on reddit how much you would love to unalive yourself.
P.S ofc, this is for general IB population, I understand that there are cases like death of a close one, divorce etc that multiply the difficulty of anything. Those are valid excuses ,“IB IS HARD😭😭” is not.

i’ve been in successful but slow recovery for two years now, with the occasional relapse every now and then. but i’m finally at a really healthy weight and actually eating three times a day, sometimes even more with snacks. i know it’s healthy and i know it’s a really good thing to feel full, but i can’t help but get a ton of body dysmorphia, like internalized body dysmorphia, from the feeling of being full. does anyone else get this? if so, what are some things that help? no matter how many times i ground myself and reassure myself (or get reassured by others for that matter) that being full is healthy, i still feel straight up icky.
edit: even after two years im still experiencing high levels of EH, although it fluctuates from day to day. feeling full like this really only occurs on those days when i eat to fulfil the EH

Not sure what to do anymore. My life feels like it’s over and I can’t get out of bed anymore. 9 months ago, I had covid, the virus I didn’t take too seriously. And for 9 months I have been fighting a thing I have never heard of, long covid. When you’re already dealing with high anxiety about your health every single day this was just another thing that came about for me to worry about. For the first 4 months I couldn’t breathe for anything. Went to ER visit to ER visit at the ripe age of 23 and the doctors couldn’t find anything wrong. Nowadays the breathing is better but I might have developed POTS due to lightheadedness and dizziness I am facing constantly. I always keep my head down when I go to the store to help the dreaded feeling of feeling like I’m going to pass out. Coming from someone who already has a heart condition called SVT it just feels like my life is over. How will I ever be able to go outside again? Not with this crippling anxiety of a vision of me fainting behind the wheel of a car or maybe falling and breaking my head open. I’m only 24. I’m socially anxious, jobless due to covid, depressed and my life was already bad enough from being autistic. I miss even affording a nice game that is on sale from the PlayStation store I so desperately wanted.. now I just stare. Stare and realize I can’t afford that not with my worthless body that can’t even stand longer than 10 minutes. My house is a mess and I cancelled plans to help my mother garden tomorrow because I feel too faint. I miss being a kid. I didn’t feel this way, I didn’t know life could be so cruel. Not sure why I posted on here. Probably because I’m at my lowest and wanted to feel at least somewhat seen. Thank you for reading even if it’s not many.

I was recently in a bad car accident in December of last year which was a head on collision I was miraculously able to endure the pain and patience as they took 30-40mins to cut me out of the vehicle and use the jaws of life I was at work at the time in a company vehicle so I am receiving workers compensation benefits I have already settled with both insurance companies but still have to settle with workers comp I know not to accept the first offer and try to negotiate obviously there was surgery done and a lot of other things that could increase the value of my case
if there’s any advice from here forward on how to get the most out of this settlement to provide a better future for myself and family it would be greatly appreciated and also if anyone would know the ballpark value of my case
Also not looking to hire a lawyer was hoping for some advice to deal with this myself seeing as this case could be worth a lot and lawyers take a percentage instead of an amount

Had an epiphany last night. Not a very profound one. It arrived as many epiphanies do, late at night when the house was quiet and the TV was in the locked and upright position. It was, for want of a better term, Rumsfeldian. It has to do with suddenly knowing something you’ve known all along, knowing the known. Earlier in the day I had seen a short news item concerning a ‘bounty hunter’ and it started me thinking about a long standing discomfort I’ve had with ‘bounty hunters’ i.e. they operate outside the constraints associated with law enforcement relative to search and seizure, miranda rights, forced entry, etc. I’m sure this has to do with their being part of the private sector and not operating under color of authority and yet I’m deeply uneasy with a system which puts these guys in motion with all the same capacity for misreading an address, or misidentifying an individual or, frankly, just being sent on a fool’s errand, as our official arbiters of the law, but without any recourse to the subsequently injured individual. But my epiphany really didn’t have anything to do with the bounty hunter. It had to do with the idea of the extrajudicial use of power. Our Republic is lost. I’m sorry. I don’t know any other way to put it. We’ll never be able to restore the fabric of this particular democracy after what has happened in the last six plus years. The ability of the state to engage in extrajudicial force is now beyond recall. We’ll never get it back. When I say ‘we’ I mean us, the People. We’ll never be able to get it back because the tools with which we might have addressed the problem simply no longer exist. The government (in the person of George W. Bush) has decided (and codified) the idea that the People are the enemy and any attempt to gain access to information is itself an act against the state. Any effort to bring information to the People is an act against the state. Our safeguards against the mistreatment of prisoners are rendered inoperable by the government’s willingness to simply render the prisoner to a country where torture and murder are possible and probable. The People’s ability to know the names and circumstances of such extrajudicial kidnappings is denied. The rules under which our military operates, the safeguards that our armed forces will not do something without our approval are made obsolete by the fact of standing armies of mercenaries, subcontractors, willing and able to operate without constraint or oversight. There are presently more American mercenaries in Iraq than American military personnel (which, by the way, is at an all-time high). No one tells these armed men what they can and can’t do and since it happens outside the U.S. we apparently have little official interest in how they do their jobs anyway. Our system of laws cannot protect the people any further. This president regularly signs legislation into law and then quietly issues a signing statement which exempts the executive branch from the very law he just signed. We’ll never get to the bottom of this, Executive Privilege, you know, and the sealing of president’s papers and the secreting of their location insures that we’ll never get to look through the official history. The office of the Vice-President no longer even keeps logs of classified material they’ve handled, they don’t want a paper trail and so there isn’t one. We’re no longer among the healthiest people in the industrialized world, we rank no. 43 in infant mortality, behind Cuba, Croatia and the Czech Republic. Our ‘health care system’ delivers the poorest actual care at the highest cost of any industrialized country in the world. But our ‘health care system’ is a great money maker and so any attempt to change it, to make health care more universally available and more affordable is defeated. We are no longer a country of the People, by the People and for the People (if we ever were, albeit moving inexorably in that idealized direction). We are now permanently a country for the rich and for the largest corporations, everyone else, devil take the hindmost. I always harbored the secret belief that once these guys are out of office we can get down to the job of rebuilding, of reclaiming our democracy but, and this is my epiphany, it ain’t gonna happen. The terrible changes wrought by these men will stand. Power will find a way to sustain itself. Not wanting to diminish the powers he conveniently finds at his disposal, the next chief executive won’t do anything to restore the Republic. Nor will the one after that. And the tools once available to the people simply no longer exist.
MR August, 2007

Throwaway account.
I (M 36) have been married to my wife (F 37) for 14 years. I have known her since I was eleven. We dated in high school, broke up, and found each other again in college. We have two wonderful children, 8 and 11. Grew up going to church in the US all our lives until the pandemic. I would say that I’m agnostic, for about a year now. Based on recent conversations, my wife feels similarly about her faith. My parents have in many ways treated me like I don’t exist unless I make the time to go visit them. I share that because it is adding to my current dilemma but I will get there later.
Prior to us getting back together while in college, she dated someone who emotionally, physically, and sexually abused her. Primarily it was emotional trauma, with him stealing her phone, telling her shouldn’t have any male friends, etc. Before this relationship, I would have described her as outgoing and extroverted. After the fact, it was clear she was deeply hurt by all of what happened to her. To this day, I don’t think she has processed the trauma and how it changed her and impacts her daily.
During college, we reconnected over the summer my junior year and it was clear we had chemistry despite both being very different from our high school selves. We dated and were engaged within 9 months and married in another nine. We have had a beautiful marriage. We only had sex 1-2x monthly since we got married but it never felt unusual; I have always believed that the abusive relationship altered her ability to want intimacy in that way. We are very close, snuggling, talking often, we spend much of our free time with each other and share many common interests in art, music, etc.
After our second child was born, it was a tough three years. My daughter rarely slept, not getting through the night until she was three and a half years old. During that time, my wife was burned by three different female friends in a short time frame. It felt like those two things almost broke her. But, after she got poison ivy one day and couldn’t get rid of it, she went to the doctor and got steroids. The insane amount of energy she had actually led to her becoming involved in and obsessed with triathlons. She transformed, physically and mentally over the next six months. I was extremely happy for her.
But, maybe seven months into this new her, I began to notice that her attention to her phone changed. She turned off messages from displaying in the front of the phone. We stopped having sex all together. It came to a head at the beach. I saw her dm’ing with a guy—a very successful graphic designer. My wife loves art and drawing so I wanted to assume it was that connection but for the first time in my marriage it felt like I was being lied to a lot. During this time she also acquired lingerie and toys that we never used together; I found them in the closet all the way in the back, hidden. We never had used that before in our marriage but she had also never felt sexy in the last ten years, especially for three since our kid was born so again I wanted to believe her. And honestly, she was glowing for the first time in a long time and is extremely beautiful. This situation evolved. I went in her phone. She had deleted everything everywhere. She was still talking to the guy from the summer on Instagram but the conversation was super innocuous and almost always just reels or sharing a post. We fought, she cried saying I violated her trust—I know how that looks. I restated that she lied to my face. We began sleeping in different rooms and things were not good.
Fast forward two months, I pulled phone records and found she had been messaging her ex from before our marriage for a week. I confronted her and she lied to my face and said she hadn’t been communicating with him. So I showed her the records and she for the first time in several months apologized to me and then began opening up. This guy was also the first person who really helped her recover her personhood after being abused. He holds a special place in her heart because of how he helped her. I actually do not think anything happened with him during our marriage ever. I won’t know though because she deleted everything. The way my wife reacted to me with the graphic designer indicated she was having some sort of emotional ptsd from her past trauma when I freaked out about it. She told me and her mom and her counselor (according to her) that nothing happened, emotionally or physically. The person was halfway across the country.
Now, at this point it is very obvious to me that everyone that reads this would only assume the worst. I get it. But my wife was abused and it deeply impacted her. Her father cheated on her mother and we only found out when he died (right before all this started). She deeply resented him for it and to this day speaks poorly of him for it. And I know that those things can seep into your psyche and you can find yourself doing the things you hate about your parents. But to summarize, I don’t know that anything happened. I know that she lost all her friends and was traumatized by our second kid. I know that she felt physically beautiful for the first time in years. I realize that could mean two things. Either this person meant something to her and it blossomed until I found it, or it is just something that all happened in the same time and the compounding complexity of prior abuse made it spiral down.
I went to counseling. She went to counseling. To this day she affirms that it was simply a connection around art and culture and nothing more. She says the toys and clothing was because she felt sexy for the first time in a long time and wanted to try them. I chose to believe her. But I never got to see her messages because everything was deleted. I never felt like I got closure. I chose to believe that she did nothing with this man and that he meant nothing. But the millions of coincidences still rattle my brain because I never got to see things and was asked to move forward. We reconnected meaningfully during Covid. I’ve never felt closer to her.
So why am I here? It popped up again in my brain lately and I cannot get away from the feeling that I didn’t get closure and I don’t know what to do. I can feel myself spiraling emotionally. I have had thoughts of killing myself. I won’t, though. I know I am loved and needed. I have only felt it maybe twice in my life and don’t suffer from depression. Mostly, I feel helpless and broken. I don’t have have any close friends other than my wife, which I know is also not good and I need to change it. I don’t believe in the god of the bible but haven’t told anyone other than my wife; it would be a big change for many who know me and so I am after I’d to really own it publicly but that is who I am, heart on my sleeve. And in the midst of all of that, I am feeling like I don’t know if I believe my wife from that five year ago incident. I feel super lost and it is suddenly making me feel like my marriage is going to end.
We’ve talked about it again lately and she seems hurt by me feeling that way but said it is ultimately her fault because for how she interacted with me during all of it. Recently she went and spent time with a couple friend and I later accused her of being there alone with the guy but she never was. I feel super distraught.
Just looking for help on how to get meaningful closure about five years ago and how to move forward, thanks.

hi everyone, looking for someone advice.
i (F,18) have been with my partner (M,20) For three years. we have lived together for nearly a year as his family moved away and he didn’t want to leave our town with myself and his friends being here, so my mum has let him live with us.
he is a lovely boy. he makes me laugh every day and is really sweet and caring to me. i can’t really fault our relationship much. we don’t really argue. he is genuinely my best friend.
lately i have been getting overwhelmed with the fact that i am in this serious relationship. i worry about not exploring myself. what would i be doing if i was single? am i too young?
a problem that has been coming up is that he is an extremely shy person to the point where he sometimes can’t socialise normally. i try to be super accepting of it but sometimes i find myself getting annoyed (i feel awful about it). i know he can’t help his anxiety. i am worrying about the future, every social event that comes up, i have to worry about him wanting to leave early and sitting there looking miserable. it’s slowly starting to make me just dread things.
another point is that he isn’t very motivated and i am highly motivated. I am doing a bachelor of psychology and working full time. he quit his job 2 months ago ( i don’t blame him, it was awful ) and hasn’t gotten one since. he has been applying and going for interviews but i have had to pretty much force him to. he is heavily into politics and wars around the world. he says to me what’s the point in doing anything when we are all going to be dead from the war in a few years. we are living in upper middle class australia by the way. he is very negative on his outlook of life. i know that he battles with depression so i true to uplift him as much as i can. but he consumes so much negative content and thinks there isn’t any point in getting an apprenticeship ive been encouraging him to do, because “we will all be dead from the war soon anyways”. and i am not trying to disregard the war, i know it’s a reality.
the advice that i am looking for is, i love him so much, does anyone have any suggestions on how to over come these feelings? i want it to work between us because he genuinely is so beautiful towards me. i just don’t want these faults to eventually come to a point of me snapping if that makes sense. i just don’t really know what to do, and i’ve been feeling very unsure and confused lately.