Jennette mccurdy fakes porn

NSFW Warning
I truly don't know what to do anymore, I'm completely lost.
I'm a 20 year old male with autism and possible OCD.
There are many things I want to talk about so this is going to be really long and unorganised.
From age 18 up until last year, I viewed and masturbated to CSAM, and the way I went about getting hold of it is equally bad, if not worse. I cannot express in words the shame and remorse I feel for this.
I know most of you hate me now and I don't blame you, and I guarantee you I hate myself more for it.
The most confusing part about it is I don't find children attractive, there's no groinal response, urges, desires, arousal, nothing. I don't even take a second glance or stare, the only thing I have is intrusive thoughts. Recently I was sat in the corner of a crowded bus, and since there was nowhere else to sit, three boys, none of which could have been older than 13 sat by me, one next to me, and the other two across from me, to which I felt nothing of that nature whatsoever.
My instincts when I've been around children in recent times is purely parental and protective.
I'd never hurt a child, especially in that way, I'd slit my wrists or set myself on fire before I did that, I might just slit my wrists anyway.
I'd run into a burning building, I'd run out onto a busy road, I'd give my life to save a child's life.
I don't go out of my way to be around children, I find them for the most part irritating, I don't hate them though. Throughout my entire life I preferred the company of adults. I even live across from a playground ffs.
I'm scarred for life by some of the things I saw in those images and videos, how the hell could someone do something like that?! I want to climb through the screen and protect those kids, give them a hug and let them know nothing can hurt them anymore.
I stumbled across an image hosting site when I was 16 whilst trying to find material involving my peers again, and the site hosted lots of cropped images of teens on webcams and older kids on webcams (it was obvious what they were doing), and on the page for the accounts, it usually displayed an email where stuff could be traded, but I didn't pursue that until 2 years later.
I went about acquiring it through sending old images and videos of myself, and in a lot worse way as well.
Starting from 14 up until last year, I very occasionally placed my phone in the bathroom and filmed my friends urinating, this happened definitely less than ten times, and most of them I deleted from everywhere, but I kept one and a screenshot of a few others, I started posting these images, as well as my own nudes, on an old reddit account which was deleted not long after, I made sure to hide their identities while doing this, I enjoyed the attention and compliments I would get, and I loved bigging up my friends and seeing them get compliments.
Then I used this content to acquire the bad stuff years later, including the stuff of me.
I had an Idea that this was considered wrong but I didn't understand how it could have been harmful.
This happened to less than 5 friends, all the content I had I have long since deleted and wiped any access to, and I have no intention to do this again, but the main issue is the fact that copies could have been made of it, and I accidentally sent the uncropped video once. There's the possibility none of this stuff is out there, but it's still vile and repulsive.
One of them was my closest friend, who I had known basically all my life, I broke down to him and told him what I had done and what I believe does me to this awful, reprehensible place, and you know what he did? He told me he forgave me and that some video possibly being out there doesn't phase him and his life isn't ruined at all and it will go on either way.
But he understandably said we can't see each other anymore, that he still loves me, believes I'm a good person and wants me to live a good life and make the world a better place, which was a dream of ours.
It's extra difficult because we were so close, we had experienced so much together, held all the same interests and beliefs, and I loved him only like family could, so the fact I committed this vile act of betrayal rids me with so much shame, and deservedly so. In a way I find it harder to get through because I didn't understand the true consequences of my actions and how this could have affected him and others, it would be less confusing and easier to accept I'm just the lowest form of humanity that way.
I displayed other problematic behaviours from a young age, all to do with boundary issues, I sometimes used to touch my friends when I was 12 but never their actual genitals, and I used to jokingly show my erection to people as well.
The only constant that I knew for certain is wrong is genuine rape and molestation, which is a line I know for certain I could never cross, and never will.
From a very young age (around 3 or 4) my mother would do very inappropriate party tricks around me with her friends late at night when they were drinking, her friends would call me sexy, and as I got older and hit puberty, she started making comments about my bulge and other things despite the fact I hated it and told her so.
When I was 7 I was groomed and molested by an 8 year old boy, I wanted him to help me pass a level on my DS game and he said he'll do it if I have sex with him, me being 7 I didn't understand what that was and with him being older I complied. We were naked during this, he fondled my genitals and got me to do the same to him, he inserted his fingers into my anus as well.
When I was 10, two of my close friends groomed me, they simulated blowjobs on each other and got me to do the same to them.
When I was 11, my 12 year old friend groomed and molested me despite me protesting, he got me to get in my bed with him and he rubbed up against me. Earlier that day he also got me to sit in his lap whilst cuddling me from behind, we were wearing underwear.
When I was 13, that same friend when he was nearly 14 and another friend who was already 14 groomed and molested me in my pool again, I had an erection in the pool and jokingly showed one of them it, and it escalated from there. They both got naked and got me to do so, I protested but eventually gave in to the pressure, they also showed each other their genitals and got me to do the same, later that boy got me to sit in his lap again whilst the older boy rubbed up against me.
There was also just the normal experimenting stuff, one of my friends used to show me his erections and I would do the same.
All of my friends were going through puberty and their bodies were changing and so was mine, which I found incredibly fascinating and arousing, and I had seen most of my friends genitals and some other students genitals throughout growing up, so me being young and autistic, I became very curious.
Kids before finishing Elementary/Primary School were swearing and talking about sex, then as I got older (11) kids were drinking, smoking, doing drugs, talking about masturbation habits and apparently having genuine sex. Then by the time I was 13, there was a lot of students taking nudes, nudes being spread around school and nudes being leaked (including mine, which distressed me for a few days, but only because people knew they were mine, if they were spread around but they didn't know it was me, I wouldn't have cared), kids with condoms and other stuff etc.
I started watching non-pornographic sexual content online (sex scenes from movies, TV shows, games etc) at age 9 which I would genuinely get an erection from watching.
At age 10 I hit puberty (testicles largened) and I started masturbating to non pornographic stuff. Including videos of animals mating. I also tried to find stuff involving my peers and found a fake video of stuff suggestive of that.
At 11 I started to grow pubic hair and had my first ejaculations, as well as discover porn, and I had my first crush which was on a 12 year old boy who was another friend, who I would masturbate to. This crush lasted a number of years, but he was straight so it couldn't go anywhere. This was also the age I started taking nudes and videos of me masturbating.
At 12 I started to grow underarm har and facial hair began to appear on my upper lip, I was watching porn very heavily at this point.
At 13 my voice had broken and I was nearly my full adult height, this was also the age I first masturbated to a non-sexual nude image of a child. As well as videos of stuff like naturism and videos of circumcision (I don't have a pain or gore fetish, I would just blank it out and focus on the genitals.)
By 14 I was my full adult height, I had adult sized ejacualtions and my penis had fully grown. And that is when I started posting my nudes online. To which I would have sexual conversations with adults, not knowing I was setting myself up to be groomed and have something normalised in my head which shouldn't be.
By 15 I was growing facial hair, as well as chest and abdominal hair. And I found a shotacon involving a boy my age having sex with an adult woman, and I would pretend to be him.
At 17, a 19 year old flirted with me and got me into sending nudes to him, and he did the same, which I didn't see as bad and despite it being technically illegal, I still don't.
I also did the same when I was 19 with a 17 year old stranger online, but they were very willing and I didn't pressure them, no personal info was shared between us.
I also messaged a 15 and 14 year old at some point but stopped myself from letting it go any further. And cut them off before anything could be shared.
And when I started watching the CSAM, it was mostly teens 9n webcams that I watched, I was lured into thinking that this content isn't kids being assaulted or anything (which it is) and due to my experiences twisting my view, I thought kids were enjoying it (which they weren't) since I would have had enjoyed it at that age (which I wouldn't have) it wasn't until I saw unmistakable suffering which is when I stopped and vowed to never go there again. It was mostly stuff involving boys, the stuff involving girls I just found too revolting. I wanted to relive those experiences, go back to a time I was happier. It felt safe and comforting.
All of these experiencs warped my views and understanding of things, desensitised me and made me believe things were ok that weren't and that kids aren't as innocent as they are seen to be (which they are). I have never commited rape or an act of molestation and never will, these are acts I've always seen as vile and disgusting.
I've suffered with mental health issues for a long time as well.
I've struggled with feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness since around 9 or 10.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 13, I've been self harming and suicidal since 15, I've also been attempting suicide since 15.
I've always felt like the odd one out, I always felt like I was the worst at everything, I was the one who was left out of games at school, the one who was always picked last in sports.
I was bullied a lot growing up, by students and occasionally teachers alike.
My mother is narcissistic and has been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive to me since I was 14 (telling me she hates me and that everyone else hates me, tells me how horrible I am, tells me that I should kill myself and do everyone a favour, threatened to stab me in my sleep, hit me on the occasion, bit me, threw things at me, including heavy things and glass, strangled me).
I truly don't know what to do anymore, I'm completely lost.
I'm a 20 year old male with autism and possible OCD.
There are many things I want to talk about so this is going to be really long and unorganised.
From age 18 up until last year, I viewed and masturbated to CSAM, and the way I went about getting hold of it is equally bad, if not worse. I cannot express in words the shame and remorse I feel for this.
I know most of you hate me now and I don't blame you, and I guarantee you I hate myself more for it.
The most confusing part about it is I don't find children attractive, there's no groinal response, urges, desires, arousal, nothing. I don't even take a second glance or stare, the only thing I have is intrusive thoughts. Recently I was sat in the corner of a crowded bus, and since there was nowhere else to sit, three boys, none of which could have been older than 13 sat by me, one next to me, and the other two across from me, to which I felt nothing of that nature whatsoever.
I'm sexually attracted to males 20 and over, and I'm romantically and sexually attracted to females 20 and over, I wouldn't even date an 18 or 19 year old.
My instincts when I've been around children in recent times is purely parental and protective.
I'd never hurt a child, especially in that way, I'd slit my wrists or set myself on fire before I did that, I might just slit my wrists anyway.
I'd run into a burning building, I'd run out onto a busy road, I'd give my life to save a child's life.
I don't go out of my way to be around children, I find them for the most part irritating, I don't hate them though. Throughout my entire life I preferred the company of adults. I even live across from a playground ffs.
I'm scarred for life by some of the things I saw in those images and videos, how the hell could someone do something like that?! I want to climb through the screen and protect those kids, give them a hug and let them know nothing can hurt them anymore.
I stumbled across an image hosting site when I was 16 whilst trying to find material involving my peers again, and the site hosted lots of cropped images of teens on webcams and older kids on webcams (it was obvious what they were doing), and on the page for the accounts, it usually displayed an email where stuff could be traded, but I didn't pursue that until 2 years later.
I went about acquiring it through sending old images and videos of myself, and in a lot worse way as well.
Starting from 14 up until last year, I very occasionally placed my phone in the bathroom and filmed my friends urinating, this happened definitely less than ten times, and most of them I deleted from everywhere, but I kept one and a screenshot of a few others, I started posting these images, as well as my own nudes, on an old reddit account which was deleted not long after, I made sure to hide their identities while doing this, I enjoyed the attention and compliments I would get, and I loved bigging up my friends and seeing them get compliments.
Then I used this content to acquire the bad stuff years later, including the stuff of me.
I had an Idea that this was considered wrong but I didn't understand how it could have been harmful.
This happened to less than 5 friends, all the content I had I have long since deleted and wiped any access to, and I have no intention to do this again, but the main issue is the fact that copies could have been made of it, and I accidentally sent the uncropped video once. There's the possibility none of this stuff is out there, but it's still vile and repulsive.
One of them was my closest friend, who I had known basically all my life, I broke down to him and told him what I had done and what I believe does me to this awful, reprehensible place, and you know what he did? He told me he forgave me and that some video possibly being out there doesn't phase him and his life isn't ruined at all and it will go on either way.
But he understandably said we can't see each other anymore, that he still loves me, believes I'm a good person and wants me to live a good life and make the world a better place, which was a dream of ours.
It's extra difficult because we were so close, we had experienced so much together, held all the same interests and beliefs, and I loved him only like family could, so the fact I committed this vile act of betrayal rids me with so much shame, and deservedly so. In a way I find it harder to get through because I didn't understand the true consequences of my actions and how this could have affected him and others, it would be less confusing and easier to accept I'm just the lowest form of humanity that way.
The other two friends I stopped communicating with, I wiped the account wiped the content from all areas they were stored on, deleted what they were stored, everything, and there is a possibility it's not out their at all.
I displayed other problematic behaviours from a young age, all to do with boundary issues, I sometimes used to touch my friends when I was 12 but never their actual genitals, and I used to jokingly show my erection to people as well.
The only constant that I knew for certain is wrong is genuine rape and molestation, which is a line I know for certain I could never cross, and never will.
From a very young age (around 3 or 4) my mother would do very inappropriate party tricks around me with her friends late at night when they were drinking, her friends would call me sexy, and as I got older and hit puberty, she started making comments about my bulge and other things despite the fact I hated it and told her so.
When I was 7 I was groomed and molested by an 8 year old boy, I wanted him to help me pass a level on my DS game and he said he'll do it if I have sex with him, me being 7 I didn't understand what that was and with him being older I complied. We were naked during this, he fondled my genitals and got me to do the same to him, he inserted his fingers into my anus as well.
When I was 10, two of my close friends groomed me, they simulated blowjobs on each other and got me to do the same to them.
When I was 11, my 12 year old friend groomed and molested me despite me protesting, he got me to get in my bed with him and he rubbed up against me. Earlier that day he also got me to sit in his lap whilst cuddling me from behind, we were wearing underwear.
When I was 13, that same friend when he was nearly 14 and another friend who was already 14 groomed and molested me in my pool again, I had an erection in the pool and jokingly showed one of them it, and it escalated from there. They both got naked and got me to do so, I protested but eventually gave in to the pressure, they also showed each other their genitals and got me to do the same, later that boy got me to sit in his lap again whilst the older boy rubbed up against me.
There was also just the normal experimenting stuff, one of my friends used to show me his erections and I would do the same.
All of my friends were going through puberty and their bodies were changing and so was mine, which I found incredibly fascinating and arousing, and I had seen most of my friends genitals and some other students genitals throughout growing up, so me being young and autistic, I became very curious.
Kids before finishing Elementary/Primary School were swearing and talking about sex, then as I got older (11) kids were drinking, smoking, doing drugs, talking about masturbation habits and apparently having genuine sex. Then by the time I was 13, there was a lot of students taking nudes, nudes being spread around school and nudes being leaked (including mine, which distressed me for a few days, but only because people knew they were mine, if they were spread around but they didn't know it was me, I wouldn't have cared), kids with condoms and other stuff etc.
I started watching non-pornographic sexual content online (sex scenes from movies, TV shows, games etc) at age 9 which I would genuinely get an erection from watching.
At age 10 I hit puberty (testicles largened) and I started masturbating to non pornographic stuff. Including videos of animals mating. I also tried to find stuff involving my peers and found a fake video of stuff suggestive of that.
At 11 I started to grow pubic hair and had my first ejaculations, as well as discover porn, there was also an image I masturbated to which depicted a boy of my age giving oral to a man, and I had my first crush which was on a 12 year old boy who was another friend, who I would masturbate to. This crush lasted a number of years, but he was straight so it couldn't go anywhere. This was also the age I started taking nudes and videos of me masturbating.
At 12 I started to grow underarm har and facial hair began to appear on my upper lip, I was watching porn very heavily at this point.
At 13 my voice had broken and I was nearly my full adult height, this was also the age I first masturbated to a non-sexual nude image of a child. As well as videos of stuff like naturism and videos of circumcision (I don't have a pain or gore fetish, I would just blank it out and focus on the genitals.)
By 14 I was my full adult height, I had adult sized ejacualtions and my penis had fully grown. And that is when I started posting my nudes online. To which I would have sexual conversations with adults, not knowing I was setting myself up to be groomed and have something normalised in my head which shouldn't be.
By 15 I was growing facial hair, as well as chest and abdominal hair. And I found a shotacon involving a boy my age having sex with an adult woman, and I would pretend to be him.
At 17, a 19 year old flirted with me and got me into sending nudes to him, and he did the same, which I didn't see as bad and despite it being technically illegal, I still don't.
I also did the same when I was 19 with a 17 year old stranger online, but they were very willing and I didn't pressure them, no personal info was shared between us.
I also messaged a 15 and 14 year old at some point but stopped myself from letting it go any further. And cut them off before anything could be shared, or any messages could be exchanged for that matter.
And when I started watching the CSAM, it was mostly teens 9n webcams that I watched, I was lured into thinking that this content isn't kids being assaulted or anything (which it is) and due to my experiences twisting my view, I thought kids were enjoying it (which they weren't) since I would have had enjoyed it at that age (which I wouldn't have), it wasn't until I saw unmistakable suffering which is when I stopped and vowed to never go there again. It was mostly stuff involving boys, the stuff involving girls I just found too revolting. I wanted to relive those experiences, go back to a time I was happier. It felt safe and comforting. It was relatable.
All of these experiencs warped my views and understanding of things, desensitised me and made me believe things were ok that weren't and that kids aren't as innocent as they are seen to be (which they are). I have never commited rape or an act of molestation and never will, these are acts I've always seen as vile and disgusting.
I've suffered with mental health issues for a long time as well.
I've struggled with feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness since around 9 or 10.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 13, I've been self harming and suicidal since 15, I've also been attempting suicide since 15.
I've always felt like the odd one out, I always felt like I was the worst at everything, I was the one who was left out of games at school, the one who was always picked last in sports.
I was bullied a lot growing up, by students and occasionally teachers alike, and even my boss at my first job.
My mother is a heavy drinker, narcissistic and has been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive to me since I was 14 (telling me she hates me and that everyone else hates me, tells me how horrible I am, tells me that I should kill myself and do everyone a favour, threatened to stab me in my sleep, hit me on the occasion, bit me, threw things at me, including heavy things and glass, strangled me). There was also manipulation tactics like gaslighting, she alienated me from others by telling her friends and family how awful I was. Pushed me into meltdowns and got me to lash out, to which she called the police and got me arrested and made me look like the bad one on multiple occasions.
My father was a drug addict who died when I was 14, I saw him less than ten times my whole life, he grew drugs in my room when I was an infant, my most distinct memory is him coming to my house very late one night when I was around 9 or 10 talking about demons and bad spirits.
Addiction runs in my family (my father's father is an equally heavy drinker, his mother is a drug addict who ran a brothel), so the addictive tendencies have been past down to me.
I probably was addicted to porn by 13, and had been feeding it for years without knowing it.
My adopted grandfather died when I was 4, and my adopted grandmother (which I lived with from birth) who was my guiding light, died less than a week before my dad did.
The only father figure I really had (who was an alcoholic but otherwise very good with me) was my mother's partner who she met when I was 6, and he died when I was 8.
I was also very close to my mother's best friend, who had been more of a mother to me than my actual one had been some time died when I was 17.
My mother had an abusive ex who stalked her and threatened to set fire to the house, who also left ranting letters and stood in the back garden at night, so we lived in fear of stuff like that for over a year from when I was 12 through 13.
She also had an abusive lodger who was an even heavier drinker than she is, so from when I was 14 through 16 I witnessed them physically fight, both get arrested and on a few occasions I had to defend her from him.
Many of my friends have betrayed me over the years (I know I'm one to talk) but when this started to happen I would have never dreamed of betraying anyone, personal stuff was shared about me which I trusted them with, there was a lot of bad talking about me without me knowing. My toe closest friend turned on me at age 12 and isolated me from my other friends, I blamed myself at the time which I why I moved schools at 13 since I thought I was just making everyone miserable.
I didn't get diagnosed with autism until I was q9 despite trying to get it since I was 12, it hurt knowing I had been paying my whole life for being different, feeling ashamed of who I am (and rightly so now really), wondering why what I said was offensive, why I didn't understandfulky why this was wrong, why I was so sensitive to jokes, why I took e everyhing literally, why I made impulsive and reckless decisions without understanding the consequences of them.
I was never considered attractive and was ridiculed for it (girls used to jokingly flirt with me to torment me at school). I'm 5'6, always have struggled with weight, hairline started receding at 16, eczema so my skin is always red, dry and flaky, really bad diastema and acid reflux which means it's really hard to make my breath smell nice and my teeth are very worn because of it. I have had sex with someone who was older than me and we were both consenting adults, and we were both very respectful of boundaries.
I was also desensitised to other things slide gore and violence, I played a lot of violent video games when I was a kid, my mother is really into controversial shock movies (she got me to watch Cannibal Holocaust with her when I was 11).
The worst part about all of this is the fact all my friends who I love would hate me if they knew about what I've done so, none of them would trust me anymore or respect me, which is what friendships are all about right? So in a way they feel strange, they feel fake.
I could never find a relationship or true love because nobody wants to date a serial sex offender.
I hate knowing the fact I'm a sex offender, it's eating me alive.
I'm not registered and there is no real proof of what I did, so I can't turn myself in or anything.
I want to do good in the world, I have so much love to give, but it feels wrong me helping people because it feels like there is a sinister undertone to everything I do.
I've always enjoyed being charitable, I love giving money to the homeless or putting change in a donations box.
I feel guilty whenever I feel hapoy since I don't deserve to be, the only things that I enjoy now are food and playing video games, it's the only job I get out of day to day life.
The only fate I deserve is being stabbed to death in prison or something.
All I want is to be loved and accepted despite my flaws and mistakes, but I never could be.
The only other person I've told is my mother, who has been supportive.
I've been on antidepressants since 18 and I'm trying to get therapy, but I'm not hoping or expecting anything good will happen from this. I've been in and out of therapy since I was 11.
I had dreams, I had aspirations, I wanted to change the world for the better, I wanted to have a son, not to hurt him, but so he doesn't end up like me, but I reliase that is not possible. I don't deserve to be around children.
I hate keeping secrets, but I have no choice but to keep this one.
I want to identify with good people, but I can't.
Every good thing I do is invalidated now.
I forgive everyone who has wronged me in anyway, since I'm worse than them.
I just pray I can go out doing good, doing the right thing.
I am no better than Jimmy Saville, Ian Watkins or any of them types of people.
If you want to motivate me to end it all, feel free.
If you have read through all of this, thank you.

Well, I think I’ve just hit rock bottom this past week. My bf of 5 years has had a porn problem this whole time and it’s caused me some major self esteem issues. He’s also not very nice about it and has said extremely hurtful things to me. Idk if he wants me to just accept it or feel so bad about my self that I’m not worth attention or love. It’s just a reoccurring problem and he constantly wants that more than me. And more and more it just hurts me worse.
But, I’ve spoke about that many times before and I’m sure a lot of you can already relate to the pain and sadness it creates. Like there’s no fucking point in being with someone who wants other people more. So I won’t go into that much detail, but I will say, he doesn’t want to break up. I provide too much for him that he is comfortable where he is at and will ‘act’ like everything is fine off and on to probably keep me around.
Well, unfortunately for me I found out this week that he gave me genital HSV. This is a huge shock to me as I don’t sleep around. I’ve done nothing but beg him for loyalty and love and I get fucking HSV. On Mother’s Day weekend, and he didn’t even say happy Mother’s Day to me and I got nothing. No one did anything for me even. I take care of everyone every day and no one said anything to me. I was in extreme physical pain and emotionally I’m just a wreck. I don’t believe it came from him cheating because he has had cold sores since childhood apparently and it’s HSV1 so it does seem like I just happened to get it right fucking now, of course.
Now I know for sure though, if I wasn’t good enough for him because I’m not a fake tittied celebrity or porn star with a bleached asshole then I will never be good enough with this fucking shit he gave me. I mean, I have already been trying so hard to be what he wants and now this. Why do I do this to myself? Why am I just not worthy of someone’s love? I have never in my life been worth someone’s full attention but yet I am completely faithful and devoted and will do anything for people I care about. I just don’t get why this shit happens to me? I can’t help but think he’s somewhat happy deep down because now he can just get off to other women in peace without me being able to say anything about it. He will just say what else is he supposed to do when I have this going on? Just what he wants I guess. I mean why would he want me when I’m gross now and there are perfect looking women all over the place tempting him 24/7?
If I’m being honest though, he has been the nicest he could possibly be now because he feels bad that happened. He’s been helping me and trying to make me feel better, but I know the second I’m way he’s got to be eyeing up every other girl on the internet and not giving a fuck about me. It just hurts me so bad and I can’t see why I am not good enough for him to just give a fuck about me despite how many times I have told him the emotional/mental pain it causes me. I am so upset that he won’t ever love me fully (especially now) and now for sure no one else ever will either. I honestly can’t stop crying and feeling really upset about this.

This is currently still happening and ongoing so I may have to update if I can but this started a few weeks ago during computer class.
This is gonna be a pretty long post and my English is not the best so I apologize in advance. This started when I realized that a girl's (Let's call her "L") google account was still logged in in the school computer that I always use, One of the girls in my class, Let's call her "Justina" (not her real name), jokingly told me to go through the L's messages. Now this is where I may be the asshole. When Justina suggested that to me, I decided "why not? I'm sure it's not that bad, right?" but man was I wrong... Not only did I find out that L watched Pornbut I also found out that L has been spreading gossip and lies about my class (Hating on Justina all because her boyfriend had a crush on Justina before L, Making fun of other student's looks, Saying that the girls in my class were gossiping about their friend group when we didn't even think they were relevant enough to remember, Gave 2 of my classmates a nickname that was obviously targeted to make fun of their appearance, talking about my class's issue as if it's their only hobby, making fun of my classmates skills in certain sports) and for some reason hates most of the girls in my class. I also found out that L's friends also had some sort of hatred towards a couple girls in my class, calling the girls in my class a bunch of attention seekers (or in their terms, a Pick me). Now, just a reminder that my entire class acts like a whole entire group, We are all friends and close to one another. I took pictures of every single gossip and lies that were sent in L's messages and sent it to my class's groupchat and messaged them if they knew anything about this, and they were as shocked as me.
After a quick discussion with a few of my classmates, We came up a plan where we would make an alt and make it seem like one of their friends have snitched on L and her friend group. The Plan was for Justina to make an alt account (Which we'll call as "Snitch") and fake a conversation with me and basically just tell me everything that we found in the school computer that had L's account logged in then I'd take screenshots of that conversation. then Justina would go back to her original account and then fake another conversation with me where I show Justina the messages the "SNITCH" sent, then all Justina had to do was to act as if she was all shock and upset but not enough for it to look fake. Once, all that was done, We would then Message 3 of L's friends and ask them if them if the "SNITCH"'s allegations were true.
We did just that, and all 3 of L's friends were surprisingly extremely honest, and did not deny anything that the "Snitch" has sent. We got them to admit everything, From them gossiping and spreading lies about my class, to them giving us reasons as to why they hate us for. Something even more shocking that I've learnt is that L has NO GOOD FRIENDS, after they've admitted everything to me and Justina, they then proceeded to tell me that they in fact DID NOT like L at all, and even continued by telling us why they hate her and telling us a few of L's secrets and issues in school. Before you ask, Yes, eventually someone told L that all her gossips and lies has been leaked to me and my class. L is now anxious to go to school, and is obviously trying to avoid my classmates that's she's gossiped and spread lies about, how do I know that she doesn't wanna go to school and that L is avoiding my classmates? L's own friend messaged me and told me

Findom is Femdom. It's practiced offline, in the real world, in relationships all over the world. If anyone did like five seconds of actual research into BDSM, they'd know this.
Anyone I see ask about doing Findom in real life, or dating a sub, I am going to assume is:

1. Literally a minor, or
   
2. Has led an incredibly sheltered life, or
   
3. Can't conceive that woman would want to be dominant in their personal relationships, or
   
4. Think sub men are stereotypes of weak losers.
   If #4 is the case, check your baggage at the door, because that's an offensive stereotype and by that logic, submissive women are also weak losers. If you think it's different because gender, congratulations, you've drank the toxic masculinity Kool Aid and shouldn't be practicing a kink that requires subverting outdated and ignorant social/cultural beliefs in a safe and healthy manner.
   

Back to Findom. Findom is under the umbrella of Femdom. It's been around thousands of years. Fake Dommes on TikTok grifting their shitty guides didn't invent it three years ago.
While I'm at it, whoever told you it's money for just existing is full of something brown and stinky. It's never been that. It never will be that. If you've received "money for nothing," consider that you're simply a product they silently consumed, like renting a movie. A pornographic movie specifically, because no one spends money without getting anything in return. Their return was using you as a masturbatory aid (even if not literally). Or in some cases, masochism or self destructive behavior. But they still used you. And I'm not saying that's wrong, but y'all need to understand the reality of it, that this is what you've signed up for. As so many of us have been saying, Findom is sex work, and you're a product on the porn market.
When Findom is practiced as part of a real life D/s relationship, that aspect isn't there. It's no different than any other relationship. There's give and take and love and chores and bills all that. D/s is a kinky layer on top of a vanilla foundation. It's not the same as online (and so, so much more rewarding).
Online can be rewarding as well when you find someone you get on well with. I have some great conversations with my subs. I have many subs that I'm simply just friends with. I have a great community of other Dommes. I made that happen by treating everyone equally. By being social and friendly. My Twitter has zero bait posters and zero drama. If that's all you're finding, it's 100% on you. Get a better people picker and stop following the people who tweet shallow, tired Findom cliches. There's no shortage of experiences Dommes with engaging, intelligent content.
One last thing... where did this notion that Reddit has better subs come from? They're the same men. Findom doesn't change from one platform to the other. Men aren't "better quality" one place vs another. There's not a single social platform that won't have entitled men, incels, and scammers. So bury that notion or you're just going to be disappointed. If anything, Reddit has more entitled men because it's chock full of free porn. Muskrat has made adult content harder to find on Twitter, whereas Reddit has all the curated, free porn by the millions, easily searched and found, with literally zero barrier to entry. I would bet my savings account that there's far more minors on Reddit also. Now personally, I file that under "not my circus, not my monkeys," but if you're uncomfortable with minors seeing your ass in their feed, then just keep in mind... they absolutely are. You can't advertise on any social platform without that being a reality.

I had a domain through united domains for upwards of ten years. A couple of years ago I switched, but I am now hoping to get my old domain back. Come to find out that it’s been registered, and my old domain now points to a site rife with cam/porn ads. ICANN tells me it’s owned by Gname. I reported the site for abuse and now all the data seems to be off of the site but Gname still hasn’t relinquished the domain hosting.
I noticed the expiration was coming up and put forth interest to buy the domain from Gname yesterday when it expired, but didn’t hear back from Gname except for an extremely scammy email today. Today it says the domain expires a year from now and is still registered by Gname.
I also reached out to someone from saw.com to help me buy/broker the domain from the current owner but they haven’t gotten back to me either. I don’t have $1500 to file a complaint and tbh I don’t have $700 to spend on a broker (that’s what saw.com estimated my site was worth, which seems fake).
I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve gone about this all the entirely wrong way but I’m still hoping to get my old domain back. Any advice is appreciated.

I am a 37 years old F and him 38M. We are married now for eight years and I don’t have the same perfect body neither does he. I am working out a lot to try to be fit again. I am Brazilian and do have a big booty and I am only slightly overweight. And I like to think I am beautiful and intelligent, speak multiple languages and have a great work and earn good money, but this isn’t the point. The point is I am fed up with him following those bikini ladies with fake lips and tits, and it’s not only one profile but thousands! This makes me feel unvalued and uncomfortable with myself. Also, he was never the cheater kind of man, but this behaviour is downright disgusting. I told him to stop with this creepiness, but the true is I am tired, he is old enough to understand his own emotions. Also, his performance in bed is not the best to say the least lately, and I think it has to do with his soft porn addiction. I am disappointed to say the least. Don’t know what to do tbh. What is your opinion?

For the sake of anonymity I will be using allises and fake ages but all of the age gals will be true Brother: will ; age: 20 Me: lynx ; age: 16 Sister 1: Jess ; age: 29 Sister 2: Chloe ; age: 22 Mom: Vero ; age: 42
Those are the main important people in this story.... Growing up me and my siblings never really got along, there were 3 main groups, me and Chloe, will and Jess, me and Jess, clearly me and my brother never got along. My brother was deemed to be psycho by about 4 doctors, he refused to take meds causing my family to go through hell. I grew up in the poor side of town where cops and CPS didn't give 2 fucks about us so there was nothing we could do. I do recall many times in my childhood he would chase me around the house with a knife, there was one occasion where he sliced my stomach open with a staple that was used to hold carpet down, I now have a scar from it, there were multiple times where he covered my face with a blanket simulating suffocation but would leave just enough room so I could breath. When nobody was home he would water borde me in the shower and threatened to kill me if I told anyone. well I think that's enough explaining to how much of a pos he was. When I was about 7 or 8 years old he started to touch me. At first it was small stuff like accidents and all but then it escalated. He introduced me to porn around this time and would make me watch it with him. And when I say make I mean he genuinely made me, he used to tell me that if I wouldnt he would "tell mom that you stole her cash/ weed and ect. So me being a naieve 8 year old girl I obeyed. Later down the line he started to make me get physical. He would force me down on him, make me suck him off, give him hand jobs and even went as far and raping me. This went on for about 4 years, as soon as I turned 12 I had enough. He tried it again on me and I refused, this quickly caused us to fight, physically fight, me being a small frail 12 year old against a 16 year old I lost and he threatened that if I ever tried to refuse it again he would tie me down and rape me until I couldn't talk. I know this sounds bizarre but please consider that this is actually what happened to a real person and please for the love of God do not come and say this is "pleasurable" because it wasn't in any way. Well fast forward to a couple years later I finally decided to tell my family. I told my grandmother, mom, Chloe and Jess but no one believed me. As expected though. Although Vero didn't believe me she still supported me. Jess never brought it up and not did Chloe. That was until I decided to press charges about 2 years ago and the case has been in the works since. Over these past few years Chloe and will got extremely close. They smoke together, eat together and do a ton of other stuff but they are always together. Well I didn't tell anyone I was pressing charges until recently when I got the news that they are going through the courts right now. I finally decided to tell them and expected everything to be ok... It was until I told Chloe.. She began to defend him saying that I'm going to ruin his life and that he doesn't deserve this, hes had a rough enough time having to deal with the guilt of his actions so why make him feel shittier? Hearing her say that to me felt unreal, its never something you really expect to hear from someone who you used to love with your whole heart. And that question kinda broke me and I said something along the lines of "if anything I've gone through it, he has to deal with the guilt of HIS ACTIONS and I have to deal with feeling his hands on me at the slightest bit of physical contact, I can't even stand to look at myself anymore without being disgusted" you know the generic stuff. But she still defended him and now the guilt has been eating me away. She has convinced me that I'm the bad person. Should I drop the charges? Or what should I do now? This is my last resort, I just need advice on what to do.

25 y/o, masturbate and watch porn regularly since 12 and I think my dick is broken. Sometimes I just fake my orgasm when having sex lol. I am cut. I stopped beating my meat and watching porn for the past two weeks. I get a very hard morning wood almost every morning now.
Am losing my confident now. I received the meaniest and sloppiest blowjob last friday but I couldn’t feel a thing. It was too long for him to suck me. I had to jerk my dick to cum. I also had sex yesterday but I still couldn’t feel anything. I also kept losing my erection in a certain position - when I have to thrust (missionary, doggie). It gets less hard after a few thrusts, probably because I can’t feel anything(?). I can keep hard for quite a long time when she’s on top of me (cowgirl), but still it’s pretty hard for me to feel anything. The sensitivity is basically zero. I had to jerk my dick to cum again.
Has anyone here face this problem before? What did you do to solve this? How long did it take? I don’t think I wanna do foreskin restoration. I need help. It’s ruining my life.

What are your audible recommendations? Preferably memoir styles. I love fiction but typically read fiction as physical books or on my kindle. When I’m listening I prefer self-help or memoirs.
Some that I’ve listened to recently are:
If I did it (OJ book /goldman family) Long Walk to Freedom, Nelson Mandela Born a Crime, Trevor Noah I’m Glad My Mom Died, Jennette McCurdy Spare, Prince Harry The Woman in Me, Brittany Spears Relentless, Tim S. Grover
Have many more I’ve listened to, but these are my recent. Need some new recommendations please!

This happened 8 years and a half ago, December 2015 (really long time yeah).
I was being a studpid teenager boy and went into chatroulette/omegle and I found someone who I though was real and I jerked off and even showed my face. But it resulted to be fake, because when I finished the video turned off and a man was waving at me saying that he recorded everything. I was 17, so I told him thay I was a minor and that he would go to jail. I pretended to take a picture of him (he was not show his face though). Then I left the conversation in absolute panic, not really knowing what to do. So I dont know if he was gonna try to ask me for money (even though he didnt have any personal information of myself) or if he just wanted to laugh at me...
It is a traumatic situation that has been coming back and forth to my mind, sometimes haunting me. I looked in porn sites for videos of "webcam" or "solo" categories from time to time in the years after, sometimes doing really deep research, but I never found anything.
Now this came to my mind really hard again, after some years in which I even forgot or didnt care, but now I care a lot for some reason... I feel dirty, weak and full of fear. But it does not make sense because if the video is out there, it has been too long and lost in the Internet, and if not even me looking for it I could find anything, who that I know could?
How would you live with the uncertainty of not knowing what happened? Was he just laughing at me or he had the intenciones publishing it was well? Why would he have showed me himself mocking at me?

Hey guys, a little about me. I'm a 32 year old gay man, currently single. I've been through my wild stage where I hooked up with whoever I wanted to, and have also had long periods of being in a relationship. Now that I'm in my 30s, the desire to settle down is getting stronger, and the thoughts of whether I want to be married are also coming into mind.
Specifically, I'm good friends with a couple who have been together for quite a while, and have been married for 2-3 years. One of them is in the military and the other works in sales. They made a big deal out of their wedding and the one who is in the service became an unofficial poster boy for the military as a gay service member, often bringing his husband to military balls, etc. Because of this, they started getting invited to important social events and everyone admired them and their marriage. I very much looked up to them, and they had the kind of relationship I hoped to have one day.
Then a couple months ago, I was randomly scrolling through some porn and recognized a tattoo that looked very familiar. Long story short, the non-military husband has a huge secret life of serving as a scene partner for many OF performers and from what I can tell, has a small-ish OF page of his own. This person serves as a gaping hole cum dumpster for basically any OF performer who asks him to participate. I admit I watched a few of his scenes and was really shocked at what I saw. It was very odd for me to see this person who seemed to sincerely adore his husband engaging in very intimate kissing scenes as well as taking raw load after raw load from people he barely knows. (And please let me be clear - I'm not a prude. I've been around. I've had many one-night stands. I believe in sexual freedom.) But what got me was what seemed to me to be massive hypocrisy. I cannot count the number of times I've been around them engaging in (admittedly sappy) lovey-dovey type behavior where they say things like, "You're my one and only. You're the only man for me. I'll take out anyone who tries to get their hands on you," etc etc. I should also clarify that I know the military partner knows of the other's participation in these videos because I briefly saw a reflection of the military one's tattoos serving as the cameraman for one of the videos.
Since I found this out, I've been around them twice, and when they started this sappy stuff, I couldn't help but roll my eyes and one of them noticed and called me out for it. I played it off without any ruffled feathers. But this has caused me to have two thoughts: 1) Can I continue to hang out with these guys and listen to their bullshit "I'll kill any man who touches my baby" statements while keeping my mouth shut and 2) Is there any hope for me to have a monogamous relationship in the future or do most gay men expect to have open marriages these days?
As to question 1, it's really not hugely important, I just wish they'd be real and say - hey, my man likes to serve as a cum dumpster to any cock that will have him and we are both ok with it." It makes us happy. I could and would be 100% on board with that. But their whole persona now feels fake to me. Not that they owe me the details of their sex life, but they have been open about it in the past. Once they got married, they started to act like jealous lovers - and it turns out it was all an act. So any advice as to how I can continue to hang out with these guys while sitting there listening to their fake, sappy, statements of love and jealousy for each other? (Actually, I do think their love is sincere. It's the hypocrisy that's getting to me.)
As to question 2, please give me hope. When I find the guy I want to settle down with, I really do hope I feel like he's mine. I hope I feel jealous of anyone who tries to hit on him. I want to share something special with him that no one else feels/has. It just seems like every time I come across a gay couple that's been together longer than 5 or so years, inevitably it turns out they have an open relationship. And that's great for them, but I don't want that. I want that silly romantic love that I'm beginning to think isn't real/possible. What do y'all think about this?

I am 35 and have a strong addiction to porn. I’ve gone stretches without it and genuinely I am a better version of myself but I know that watching it leads to soothed feelings of distress and a strong powerful almost animalistic feeling of power. But I know it’s not real because I quickly become a slave to the female figure. Constantly staring and getting riled up. I’m done. This isn’t manly or powerful. This is fake and I am chasing a high. I don’t want this anymore but it’s so addictive. Fml this is difficult.

Ok, so I (19F) met a guy online several months ago, we get along really well, we talk every day. We both really like each other and we're supposed to meet irl in a few weeks/months.
The thing is that I'm a virgin, and for some reasons, he thinks that I've already had sex, which is absolutely false since I've never even kissed anyone. I literally have no experience.
I know I shouldn't have lied to him but now it's too late to tell him the truth. Our relationship is not very clear but it's certain that we will not be a couple because of the age gap (so I feel less guilty for lying to him).
He knows I don't have much experience and thinks I've only had sex a few times (and therefore I'm not a porn star). So it will be easier for me to justify being a bit clumsy when we will have sex.
So my question is do you have any advice so he doesn't see that I'm a virgin ? Things I need to be ready for without appearing surprised, advice on how to be comfortable..., is it really easy to kiss someone ? how do we change our position in concrete terms, i just ask and communicate ? Can i fake it or he will definitely notice that I'm a virgin ? I know I'm thinking too much but any advice will help me.
One last thing : i KNOW the best would be to tell him the truth so he will be careful if it's my first time but i won't...
-> like many French people my English isn't exceptional so please don't use too many complicated abbreviations, thanks !! 😭💓