As the title says, I’m looking for a super old YouTube video. It’s vivid to me but I am not sure how to explain it to find it on YouTube.
Basically it’s like a parody video based in like china/japan and it’s some guy going throughout town using random abilities. One of the most memorable things was him mounting his Dawnsaber mount and it’s not a dawnsaber it’s a bicycle and he’s like at a bus stop and it’s literally a video of a dude at a bus stop with the mount animation/cast bar on the screen. The rest of the video is similar stuff where he eats food to get a buff and then adventures into the city. Does anyone remember something like this and have a link to it?

i’m 22F and i recently started thinking about joining the military (currently leaning towards air force). i’ve been doing my research and watching videos on basic training and i’m kind of scared ngl. i can easily work to get the PT requirements down but how do you deal with getting yelled at like that? i feel like im gonna cry and embarrass myself. how did you deal with it? do you just kind of get used to it? pls send any advice my way

Hi all, today was my second day at Harley Davidson Riding Academy and I feel so defeated. I could really use some advice.
I used to ride a motorcycle 22 years ago, and have been wanting to get back into it, but since it's been so long I really wanted to take a class. I heard about the Riding Academy, signed up, and took the MSF e-course. The first day was watching lots of videos, quizzes, discussions, and a tour of the shop. All that was great, and I was looking forward to starting to ride today.
Until we got out to the training area, and I sat on the bike. I am a small woman, 5'1", 105 pounds. The motorcycles we are learning on are MUCH bigger than I anticipated - they are a sports style 500, which wouldn't be such a big deal, but I can't touch the ground. There were no smaller motorcycles for me to ride, so all day today I struggled with a bike I could barely maneuver on my tiptoes. I dropped it twice just in the first 20 minutes of walking it around in neutral. The instructor explained that HD forbids them from making any changes to the bikes, such as lowering them or changing the seats. I ended the class bruised, hurt, and in tears after falling so many times on a bike that is clearly way too big for me. I am dreading going back tomorrow to try to finish the class, and my confidence is completely shot.
Should I try to wear taller boots? Should I just give up? I wish I'd known more about the bike I'd be using before starting the class, because if I'd known the standover height I wouldn't have wasted the $375 and missed 3 days of work. I'm afraid after all this they're just going to fail me anyway. But maybe I can squeak by, get my license, and just practice more on my old Honda that's safe and comfortable.

Hi,
I'm a hobbiest white belt and have been training for 2 years. I train 2-3 times a week, sometimes less when I travel or work (way too much). I'm a fast learner and can do the drills we learn in training, but when I get home I basically reset my brain by watching Netflix and working the next day. I have probably drilled over 30 different moves, but I always go for a triangle or an americana, because I don't know what else to do.
I competed once and felt like my brain was empty. I forgot everything and felt like a puppy that couldn't even walk.
I need some kind of cheat sheet with maybe 10-20 basic things from kimura sweep, triangle, americana, armbar.
I don't need excessive videos because I've done most of these things. I just need a PDF with a very simple outline: Name of the move, pictogram of the steps. Not to perfect the techniques, just to get them into my stupid brain so I can remember them in action.
Does anyone know if such a thing exists? Doesn't have to be Gordon's. Don't want to pay $300 for it.
Thanks.

i have 3 months of experience laying ceramic but i can't afford to keep working with the guy i'm currently with. i have an opportunity lined up to go do commercial lvt with a union but i'm not sure how well i'd fare as i'm still basically a complete newbie. the commercial job said they're willing to train somewhat but are more looking for guys that can direct themselves. i watched some videos and read up a bit on lvt installation and it seems pretty straightforward compared to ceramic but i just wanted to get some opinions from people that have done both. thanks

Son of dual-club legend Shaun Burgoyne, Ky Burgoyne, recently made his debut for Port Adelaide Magpies in their 41-point loss against the West Adelaide Crows in the SANFL.
Ky, who is eligible for the National Draft this year as a fatheson pick for both Port Adelaide and Hawthorn, had a quiet outing for his first game among experienced SANFL and AFL level players, finishing the day with five disposals, four handballs, and four tackles.
Since then, he featured in the Magpies side again, this time in their loss against North Adelaide, finishing the day with 10 disposals, six marks, two rebounding 50s, and five tackles.
A running defender for the Bloods U18 side, Burgoyne has averaged 19.0 disposals, 5.7 marks, 5.2 tackles and 3.2 rebound 50s across six games in his junior career. In the 2024 preseason tests for the SANFL, Ky ranked second for the 20m sprint (2.877 seconds) and fifth for the agility test (7.929 seconds).
For those who need a refresher, Shaun Burgoyne is a four-time premiership player and the first Indigenous player to reach 400 games in their career. Having played 157 games for Port Adelaide, including their 2004 Premiership win, before moving to Hawthorn where he played 250 games, including the three-peat, his sons Ky and Percy are eligible for fatheson selection at both clubs.
Ky and his cousin Rome (son of Peter) have recently been training with other Port Adelaide fatheson prospects (including Gil Wakelin and Louie Montgomery) at Alberton, Port’s HQ.
Cousin, Trent Burgoyne was on the Port Adelaide list from 2019 to 2022 and has since moved on to the VFL where he plays for Casey, while Trent’s brother Jase currently plays for Power, 20 games deep into his career. With family ties running deep at Power, it might prove difficult for Hawthorn to recruit Ky. Chances are he might nominate Port over Hawthorn to stay close to home.
The 17-year-old is eligible to play two more games with Port Adelaide in the SANFL this season - all-important games in his campaign towards the 2024 National Draft. There are some ways to go before the National Draft Combine and just about anything can happen regarding Ky’s development, impacting his potential position in the draft. Other factors include Hawthorn's draft capital come November.
What do you think? Is he the type of player Hawthorn should pursue? And if so, how far should they go to lure the young defender to the club?

Okay so this will be a long one but bear with me. It has been an ongoing situation for more than a year now.
I live in a 2br in a reasonably okay area, I’ve been here since 2018. It’s my 14yr old, myself and my big lab that is fully trained. In 2020 right before the pandemic, a family moved in downstairs (mom, dad, a high school are girl and a younger daughter, sometimes their older son visits). When they first moved in, I introduced myself and after introductions she told me that they thought drug addicts lived up there because of the noise. I apologized and told her it could have been my dog and to please feel comfortable enough to knock if we were ever too loud. We’ve never really talked, just polite greetings when our paths crossed.
Everything has been fine the last couple of years until last March while my 14 yr old was home by herself, she was recording herself doing her makeup and in the video we could hear banging coming from underneath the floor. She texted me about it and I told her that perhaps they were hammering something on the wall. From then on, it never stopped. We’d come in during the daytime and within minutes of it, they would be banging with a broomstick on their ceiling. I contacted management about it and let them know. The manager was surprised but said she’d talk to them about it. I’m not sure what she said or if she did, but it escalated, she went and spoke to a neighbor I get along with well and asked her to speak to me. The neighbor instead spoke to my now boyfriend who doesn’t live with me who was walking my dog. Neighbor downstairs then told my mother in passing that my boyfriend tried to get my (trained and super sweet) lab to bite her. Every single time that she has banged on the ceiling (a rough estimate of 15 times in the last year), I’ve called the security agency and followed up with management the next day. Last October I got a first notice to comply or quit in 3 days. It only gave me the date of the noise but not the time or nature of the noise. I was confused because I’d been working at my desk but figured perhaps I rolled my chair too loud. A month later, security came to my door at 10:30, I spoke to them through my doorbell since I was not home. They said there had been a noise complaint but I explained I wasn’t home and he left. I went to management the next day and she said that the lady had been in there crying and sobbing that we were incessantly making noise and stomping all day and her anxiety was getting bad. Management then asked if there was bad blood between us and I told her I hardly spoke to her since the first time we met. In January of this year, I bought 1/2 inch floor padding and carpeting and put it down all over my living room to try and make the effort to fix the situation before it got worse. I also went out and bought slippers for myself, my daughter and extra for visitors or bf. I sent video and photos to management to prove the modification. The banging stopped but only for about a month. In March, we came home on a Sunday at 1 pm and her door was open as we came up the stairs, she was looking at us from her hallway which made me uncomfortable. Within a minute of walking in, the banging started. I got angry and walked downstairs in plain view of the apartment camera and my own and told her she needed to stop because she had just seen us walk in, I didn’t really hear what else she said to me but I ignored her and went back up. When I went to management the next day, she told me that the downstairs tenant had gone to her apartment on the property crying that I had walked into her apartment and threatened her in front of her child. I was completely shocked and told my manager to review her tapes and gave her the time. She believed me and my mistake was not getting it in writing. She told me that her husband had also been in to complain and her children had gone in with her as well. Then asked me if I really thought they would all lie about the noise. I became more paranoid because now it seemed like management was not believing me about the noise even though I wasn’t home. I complained again after she started banging on the ceiling one morning around 8 while I was getting ready for work. They said a notice would be sent to her. In late April, I was out with friends and got back around midnight. Next morning I had work and when I got back there was a 2nd notice on my door. Along with it, a report from the night security saying that there was a complaint at 11 pm for moving furniture around and another one at 2 am for arguing and screaming but that both times when he approached my apartment, all was dark and quiet. I sent a video to management dragging my heavy coffee table to prove that on my carpet it doesn’t make any noise. I told them I’d been asleep and never heard the door at all. Unfortunately they upheld their 2nd notice. Last Thursday the 9th around 11 pm, I was washing my face getting ready to go to bed and I heard a loud knock. It was security, saying there was a noise complaint and asking if I was okay. I told him everything was fine and that I was just getting ready for bed. I asked if it came from downstairs and he said he could not tell me. The next day (5/10/24) I received a final notice to comply or quit. It states that on the 8th and the 10th there were noise complaints from downstairs. Again no time or nature of disturbances. I called management about it because I wasn’t even home on the 8th and had video of me leaving and coming back around 9 pm. I showered and went to sleep for my 7 am shift next day (I work an hour away). My lease was up April 30th, I emailed them twice in that month about lease renewal and management kept saying that corporate had not sent an offer for me and some other residents.
Again I’ve been there for 6 years, got along with the family that lived there before, get along with neighbors around the complex, I’m friendly with my side neighbors and currently there isn’t anyone on the other side of me. According to the property’s website, the apartment I’m at has a monthly rate of $2600, because of the pandemic and how long I’ve been there, I pay $1960 for mine. In the final notice, there’s also this paragraph that I’m not sure I understand too well since I automatically transferred to a month-to-month lease.
“You are further notified that the Owner hereby elects to declare the forfeiture of your Rental Agreement under which you hold possession of the above-described premises. If you fail to perform or otherwise comply, Owner will institute legal proceedings to recover any sums due plus possession of said premises which could result in a judgment against you and all other residents in possession including attorneys' fees and court costs as allowed by law, plus Owner may recover an additional punitive award of six hundred dollars ($600) in accordance with California law for such unlawful detention.”
I’ve always followed the rules, always complied with anything they asked, I genuinely am not doing anything to this family on purpose. But I am at the point where I don’t have company over, I don’t use my living room past 10, I don’t let my dog play with anything or chew on anything at home. My life feels like it is revolving around keeping the people downstairs happy.
Please, I need all of the advice, insight and help I can get. Thank you in advance!

Hi, all. So part of my Japan trip will be going to Sendai for the upcoming Pokemon Go event that will be held at Nanakita Park. I initially planned for 4 nights to cover for 1 day travel and 3 days in Sendai to explore the city plus do the event. Although I have qualms if I can adjust it to 3 nights instead. Here's the draft itinerary:
Day 1 - Arrival from Tokyo, train to Sendai, check in to hotel
Day 2 - Event at Nanakita Park (morning event is 9-2pm)
Day 3 - Matsushima Bay tour (Matsushima cruise, Zuiganji and Godaido temples)
Day 4 - Yamadera temple, Zuihoden and Sendai castle (via Loople)
Day 5 - check out
Notes:
1) The actual times for my ticket to the Pokemon event is from 9:30am to 1:30pm, with city-wide event going after.
2) I understand that most tourist spots in Sendai close at 4pm so I tried to spread out the itinerary.
3) I am planning to use the 2-day pass that allows me to utilize their transportation.
If I want to squeeze the itinerary to 3 nights, I'm thinking of going to the Yamadera temple after the Pokemon Go event (and maybe even include the Sakunamin onsen), but I've read online that it requires you to go up a lot of stairs so I'm not sure if I have enough time. I'm also thinking if I can do the loople after I come back Matsushima in the afternoon. Although my main concern really here is not being able to enjoy the tourist spots as they close at 4pm.
Is this possible? hoping to get your feedback. Thanks!

https://youtu.be/lmnVP35uZFY?si=PHrr2GplACjUcsdR

For those of yall who are still curious and want to apply or have already applied to this program, I’d love to share my experience with how it went! For context, I attended the Business & Communications Summer Abroad Internship to Tokyo, Japan last year 2023. Feel free to ask me any questions regarding the internship, Japan, tips, etc… and I hope this helps!
Getting the internship (Pre-departure) To start off, I was very scared when I didn’t hear back about whether or not I had a secured internship. Maria from ICC reached out sometime in March and April for an info meeting about my preferences. Communication was definitely very slow but I imagine that ICC was pretty busy with so many students. They were finally able to get back to me sometime in late May to say that I have an internship. The experience varied for each person in the program, some got their interviews early enough, while others desperately waited until June before the program started to have it confirmed. We were all assigned to different companies which were smaller in size and were typically startups. Around 2-4 people were assigned to the same company so definitely reach out to your peers! A couple of people also found out that their internship would be done remotely or hybrid, which is both good and bad, depending on how you would like your experience.
Housing situation: ICC also arranged our housing arrangements. They didn’t get back until either late May or June (I forgot but it was super late) where we would be placed. We were all placed in sharehouses, so you would be living in your own room (thank god) and with fellow interns. There were multiple sharehouses that we were assigned to, but it was a great way to meet people and make new friends to tour around Japan with. Rooms were super tiny with barely enough space, but at least we all had our own mini fridge and AC. The sharehouse itself was also super small unfortunately, but there was a kitchen, enough bathrooms, and laundry machines. There were too different programs that went to Tokyo, Japan during this time (Business & Communications, Computer Science & Engineering) but we were all mixed together. I was in a sharehouse with a bunch of CS people even though I’m in the Business program. Also, be warned that you need to separate your trash on trash day or they won’t even take it!
First week (Language classes): Classes were around 2 hours long each day for a week and were held at a fancy building in Shibuya. It was useful for people who didn’t know any Japanese to learn basic key phrases, but I personally didn’t find it useful as someone who has already learned a good amount. There were also Japanese college students that helped out with the class which was nice. I went to the first class, and then skipped the rest (so pretty much optional), so I can’t give much info about the contents of the class. But, since the classes were short, we all made plans to explore Tokyo after the classes. I highly recommend booking any whole day activities such as Disneyland on this week because you won’t be able to do that once you start the internship. Make good use of this time to explore Japan because the weather in mid-June is like perfect!! I can give more recommendations for places to explore if anyone wants.
The internship: This is different for most people, but my internship was held in-person every weekday from 9-5 which was kind of grueling because I wished I had more time to explore during the day. Those who had remote internships were able to work in cute cafes which made me jealous lol. But while my office was super nice (in a high rise building in Shibuya), there wasn’t much work I had to do, cause supervision was lenient. So I spent a lot of time just doing nothing, but honestly that’s my fault for not putting my all into the internship. At first it was fine, but when you are stuck in an office for 8 hours a day, it gets super irritating. And on top of that the commute was so annoying - I always had to wake up early to rush to the train and commute is ~1 hour for me ahhh. At some point, you start living off the convenience store meals too, because you gotta save money lol. What sucked was that after the day, you are either so exhausted that you just go back home to rest, or walk around and explore the city on your own or with friends. But that also tires you out hella.
The planned trips: ICC took us to a good amount of fun places. It may be different for each group, but we had a trip to Fujikyu Highland (an amusement park) which was crazy fun and some people even decided to stay the night there to climb Mount Fuji! We had a trip around Asakusa where they took us to a restaurant for lunch and then took a ferry from there to Odaiba. We also had a trip to Mother Farm (I didn’t go for reasons I forget) but it was basically a zoo and yes there were capybaras. They also hosted a talk somewhere in Shinjuku with Domino’s pizza and charcuterie. And at the end of our internship, there was a BBQ night. The trips were optional, but you need to tell ICC beforehand. Plus, you paid for it, so why not go?
The assignments: Assignments weren’t too difficult. You mostly had to write a few paragraphs about your experiences and also respond to discussions. I think a few of us turned in our assignments late cause we forget, but you gotta do those annoying essays sigh.
My thoughts: I definitely tried to make use of all my time in Japan. The people in my sharehouse were super nice, we all got along so often went out together to restaurants, clubs, etc. Definitely made the experience so much more fun because of that. Also I recommend booking your flight to leave a few days after the program ends to fully enjoy more of Japan before you head back. It was a pretty expensive program (~$10,000 for the program alone), and if you consider the flight ticket, meals, shopping, and any other fun expenses, its definitely A LOT. You WILL lose a lot of money on this trip, so save up for it if possible. Hope this helps, and seriously ask me anything, I'd love to share more!!

Hello, I’ve never posted here before, but I’m a long time lurker. If I made a mistake with my post, I’m sorry mods, please let me know, so I can fix it. I’m on mobile so I apologize for any formatting issues.
I’ve been in recruiting hell since autumn. I graduated back in fall, and what I didn’t know until much later is that my field is ruthless towards fresh graduates. I graduated in a trade, and got lots of experience from school, but employers want someone who has years and years of experience. None of my classmates got jobs in our industry. I applied to jobs in and out of my industry, and for months I barely got interviews.
I finally got a call from a call center a while back, and I was so happy and relieved they hired me. But, I later realized they’ll hire anyone with a pulse so it’s not like they were impressed by me; I had no qualifications to work in a call center. The interview was recorded, both by audio recording and video recording. Which is weird, but the recruiter said it was for “quality assurance purposes.” I’ve never had a recorded interview before, so that was odd to me, but I was so desperate I could not say no. I, and everyone else who got hired got trained for 2 weeks. When the two weeks were over, we got thrown into taking calls.
If you needed help, all the managers would throw you a dirty look and one would reluctantly help you; They wanted to go back to talking to each other, I barely saw them work. The call center smelled like vape and cigarettes. The a/c worked when it wanted, and you were expected to be perfect and never make any mistakes. It was disastrous and gross. Bugs would fly and crawl around. We were barely allowed to drink water and use the bathroom.
After getting throw into taking calls, I did my very best, but of course made mistakes cause I’m not a robot. If you were on a call too long, you’d receive a lecture about only being able to be on a call for 3 minutes total. They wanted us to take 100 calls a day. We were encouraged to work 12 hours despite only being scheduled for 8 hours, and they wanted us to work on our days off. If you didn’t do this overtime, you wouldn’t get in trouble, but management would hate you. I don’t want to name and shame the company, but 3 minute calls for this company are unrealistic. The people who call in have issues where the calls would be at least 30 minutes long. I know I’m being vague, but just know it was a call center involving people’s personal information.
I feel so awful for leaving, I feel like a failure. I liked my coworkers, some I got along really well with. I felt like a failure working there, because it’s not related to my field, but at least I was getting paid. I’ve been applying to jobs since I walked out, I just hope I find one where pest control is a priority. Has anyone or does anyone else work in a call center this bad? Are they all this crazy? Thank you for reading, sorry this post is a mess, I’m just sad that I left this job, but it was too much. I hope I get an interview very soon, and that it is not recorded.

Joe Friel probably needs no introduction. I was reading his book and his swim methodology -posture/direction/length/catch or PDLC - seems 'logical' and easy to learn to this uncoached swimmer.
Posture is mostly head position.
"Direction" means your hands not crossing the centerline, which I had heard before and is certainly not unique to him, but I followed his advice, videoed myself - yep, I was crossing the centerline. I did his "penquin drill" and lo and behold my Swolf went down. So point to Joe.
However, while I haven't progressed to his Length and Catch drills, they seem a little more counter to mainstream advice. He pretty much just says "Pool swimmers are different than open water swimmers" in defense of how he teaches his hand entry, without any other justification. One little example, he's against the finger drag drill, which I've seen recommended time and time again on Youtube by some pretty accomplished coaches. And he doesn’t like the cue to 'put your hand in the sleeve" etc.
He's also against intervals until you get your technique dialed down and meet your goal time for 100m. For some that will be swim 100m in 1:30. Others will have a slower goal time.
He's forgotten more about triathlon training than I'll ever know, but he's also the Zones guru foremost, not a swim specialist.
I'm wondering if he's respected when it come to swimming technique , or if his swim methodology is considered outdated/not the best/crap, etc.
I"m not trying to have the fasted swim split with the latest small improvement from an Aussie coach. I'm looking for that simple 80% solution. I feel like it could be Friel's PDLC.
Any thoughts? Thank you.

I’ve been typed in MBTI but as a multitude of different types, and only once by Socionicists before (is that a word?), but was in a very unhealthy mental place then and I’m not sure it was accurate. I've filled out the questionnaire and tried to be thorough, although I think it comes across as rather muddled in some points, so I'm happy to clarify any bits. Thanks in advance for any help or input!
What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?

• I study medieval languages and literature and folklore at a PhD level. I came into this somewhat accidentally - I’ve always been interested in history (not solely medieval), but began to specialise a bit more and found I had a knack for picking up several dead languages quite quickly. I always say I came to it by accident, but that sort of downplays how much I love it, and how I’ve been obsessed with history since I was a child.
• I love getting perspectives from the past and thinking about different belief systems, how perspectives on the world have changed diachronically and vary geographically. I want to understand the people of the past, sort of as an example of innate archetypical humanity in incredibly varied contexts. Reading these texts helps me understand people I know, myself, and humanity as a whole better. I also love how varied my day can be - I go to new places each year, I work on different projects each month, and I solve different problems each day.
• I dislike some of the instability surrounding future jobs - although I’m in one of the best departments in the world for this topic, it can be very difficult to get a job post-PhD in academia, something that remains a worry despite not being an imminent problem to solve.

What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?

• I work a lot and my partner says I don’t know how to relax. So a lot of my “hobbies” are doing things like learning extra languages (I recently started German), specifically languages that will be useful for my future studies/work.
• I work out pretty consistently, a mix of strength-training and cardio. I try to keep it even (although I read somewhere that a 60/40 split is optimal, 50/50 is close enough). I do this for a mix of health benefits, stress-relief (possibly could be considered a health benefit) and vanity. I will drop workouts when work becomes too busy though (it’s not priority number one)
• I like rock-climbing and hiking when I can, but I don’t do this daily.
• I plan future travels and work, and I also really like organising social events, but most of that is centred around organising and helping run departmental events at the moment. Despite this, I can be a bit of a shut-in on a day-to-day basis.
• I also play video games as stress relief, if I’ve completed enough stuff in the day. Games like Skyrim, Ghost of Tsushima, etc.
• I also spend a lot of time on reddit reading about various topics related to fantasy novels or videogames, mythology, psychology and psychiatry, various personality-typing systems, true crime (although less into this one than the others) also watch youtube videos about such things.

What are your values, and why?

• I value determination, grit, and intelligence in friends quite a bit, and a sort of “can-do” optimism
• I value inclusivity, I dislike cliquish behaviour.
• I sort of don’t know how to describe this, but I find it annoying when people try to interfere in my work to suit their agenda - I value a sort of friendly “live and let live” mentality.
• Following on that, I value approaching people with an understanding rather than judgmental mindset

Describe your relationships with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?

• I am not super hands on with my family - I live on the other side of the world from them - but I do like them, and keep connected electronically and through weekly or fortnightly Skype calls. I sometimes feel that they don’t really understand my interests, but they do care and try to pay attention regardless, and I know they see me as somewhat distant, but they see that as a personality quirk rather than indicative of lack of affection.
• I don’t have a super large friend group at the moment but have in the past. I’m focussing on quality over quantity at the moment, after spending a lot of time working in nightlife earlier in my life and having the massive social circles.
• I appreciate that my friends are intelligent, passionate, well-travelled and ambitious people.
• I struggle sometimes when friends don’t take me into account when I have done so for them, and I also sometimes find people a bit too caught up in their own worldviews and concerns without seeing what (to me) is the bigger community picture. I also really dislike when people try to apply moral pressure on me (that I have to care about a cause or I’m a bad person, etc.). I also find it frustrating when I’m the sole organiser of events or meet-ups.

What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?

• This was somewhat answered above, but I also enjoy outgoing and warm people, and people who I think I can rely upon. I try to take people as they come, though, and have had all sorts of friends.
• In romantic relationships, I like when people are ambitious, determined, and intelligent but also kind and passionate people. I like them to have a level of overlapping interests with me (my partner is also a medieval scholar, but works more with artefacts and museum work).

What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?

• I can be accidentally rude at times without realising, and also can be a bit dismissive of views I think are dumb, sometimes hastily so.
• I can over-explain or simply talk too much or over-theorise
• I can be a bit of a people-pleaser
• A recent conflict was my trying to organise a departmental event and the other graduate students not contributing or seeing the larger picture of how that would help our department as a community, which I got very frustrated by.

What are your strengths? What do people like about you? What do you like about yourself?

• I work really hard
• I try to create opportunities not just for myself but for those around me. I think we (not the whole world, obviously, but those around me) can all succeed.
• I am thorough in everything and don’t really half-ass stuff.
• I am pretty friendly and always up for a chat or to be a shoulder to cry on, and am pretty nonjudgmental (one friend says I always try to attribute other’s actions to a positive motive)

What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?

• I can be impatient and don’t know how to relax/wait for things.
• Sometimes I can come across as weird or intense, and I wish I was better at toning that down and relating to people
• I get pretty insecure about what people think of me at times, and wish I was a little better or more confident there.
• I take on too much work - I have been called an “arbeidsoptimist” before
• Sometimes I can be overly conflict-avoidant - I’ll get frustrated by people, but try to work around that.
• I can be a bit hesitant about making decisions
• I have a moderately murky sense of self - hence the need for a typing questionnaire and struggles with self-typing
• When stressed, I catastrophise a lot, and can have quite a lot of anxiety about not living up to my potential or failing at the things I am working on.

In what areas of life can you manage well on your own? In what areas of your life would you like help?

• I am good at keeping myself on task and working towards goals, I don’t really struggle with motivation or such.
• I’m pretty good at building connections and friendships with professors and other people and maintaining a sort of warm, friendly atmosphere in workplaces.
• I need help at times figuring which information is important and which can be left out. My work tends to spiral outwards and things like page-counts in papers or time-limits in presentations seem horrendously oppressive.
• I need help with taxes.
• I sometimes need help figuring out why I’m upset about things.
• I would like help figuring out my socionics type ;)

What things do you dislike doing? What things do you enjoy more than others?

• I dislike cooking (it just doesn’t interest me, although I enjoy tasting different kinds of food, I am also happy eating the same thing everyday, which I do when I live on my own).
• I dislike things like taxes.
• I am struggling with this question. I guess I dislike when I cannot plan and have to wait and see about more information (not strictly a “dislike doing” answer). Unresolved problems or conflicts give me a lot of anxiety.
• I enjoy going to museums, climbing, exercise (while listening to a podcast about an interest, preferably in another language), analysing medieval literature, planning initiatives, theorising and brainstorming with professors and some friends.

What goals, aspirations, or plans do you have for the future, and why?

• I want to publish more articles in and outside of my field. I have a couple I’m working on now, which range from 19th century literature (recently accepted as a journal article!) to niche folklore topics (recently presented at a conference) to medieval travel literature (readying for publication), so that is my immediate term, along with some travel for language-study later in the summer.
• Long term, I want to finish my PhD and become a professor in my field at a research-heavy (R1 or the equivalent) university
• I hope to master more languages (I need working competency in 5 to even pass my PhD qualifying exams), and to do so, I plan to travel (and acquire funding for that).
• I also want to be a little closer to my family, and take care of my partner and eventually marry.

What kinds of things do you do to manage and/or beautify your environment (your room, your house, etc.)?

• I have a lot of trinkets, artifacts, candles, and pieces of artwork up in my room. They are pretty varied, from statues (a bronze buddha from Sri Lanka, a basalt Horus from Egypt, and so forth) to artwork (Dante’s inferno by Botticelli, a Dali painting is up too at the moment), to some tibetan prayer flags, etc. Basically just stuff I’ve gotten from travels or as gifts.
• I’m pretty clean, in all honesty. I don’t mind clutter, but I don’t like when things are dirty.

If you won the lottery and didn't have to work anymore, what would you do?

• Exactly what I am doing, but I’d have a nicer place to live and worry a little less. I acquire external funding for a lot of my travels, etc., so that stuff wouldn’t really change.

What traits do you find endearing that others might dislike? What traits are considered positive/neutral by others but tend to annoy you?

• I find it somewhat endearing when people talk a lot about their own interests. I can usually relate it to things I am interested in without needing them to do that for me, and I also usually just find those things interesting.
• I find it endearing when
• I sometimes find it difficult when people leave all decision-making up to me, even if they’re trying to be flexible/easy. I can make the decisions, but don’t always like to.

How do you behave around strangers?

• I am very polite, but don’t really engage with strangers that often. I can be a bit shy, and used to have a decent amount of social anxiety, but lately I’m just not interested in interacting with strangers.

How do you react to conflict? What do you do if somebody insults or attacks you?

• Conflict really causes me a lot of anxiety if it’s with someone I know or have to see in the future. In those instances, I usually just don’t end up in conflict with them: I’m pretty friendly and try to see people’s perspectives.
• If not, and it’s with a stranger, I kind of just ignore them.

Would you ever be interested in starting a business? Why or why not? What role would you play in it? What kind of business would it be?

• Not sure. I kind of prefer doing what I’m doing now - the research and teaching aspects. I don’t really know what sort of value I’d be adding to the world with a business, but I suppose if I could find something that was both interesting for me and seemed to fill a needed niche, sure.
• I like the business Facsimile finder, they make medieval manuscript reproductions. Perhaps something like that, or creating a sort of community centre/third place (I used to think about owning a pub, back in my bartending days).

How do you dress or manage your appearance?

• I keep things pretty simple, and try to stick to classic clothes (rather than trendy). Timeless and simple, more or less. That being said, I enjoy colours, and try to model my wardrobe a bit off of an autumnal palate (I got really into colour season theory a couple of months ago briefly, and was “typing” all of my friends and myself, now I just use it when thrifting for new clothes).
• I pretty much exclusively get clothes either as gifts or through thrift stores. I sort of really dislike shopping otherwise.
• I take care of myself physically, and keep a simple but effective skincare routine and eat moderately healthy. It stresses me out when things like skincare have too many steps, though.

Do you like kids? Why or why not?

• Yeah, I think kids are nice. I appreciate how much potential they have and how good-hearted and imaginative they usually are. That being said, I don’t always find them particularly interesting, so I guess more of a generally benevolent ambivalence from my end.

In what situations or times in your life did you feel most fulfilled, and why?

• I’m pretty fulfilled right now, in all honesty. I have work that challenges me but is super interesting and allows (and pays) for lots of travel, I have a loving partner, I have a relatively secure future for the remainder of my PhD programme (minimum four more years).
• I do wish I had a better social circle right now though, but I honestly haven’t put enough effort in to build one (I have two social circles but we’re all busy/inconsistent).

When the drizzler tried to mock Kdot for supposedly being molested, people were understandably disgusted.
OV-HO fans said "there are no rules in rap beef." And Akademiks has even made jokes at Kdot's expense about the whole ordeal multiple times on stream since thp6. Why his chat allow him to get away with this is anyone's guess, but that is besides the point.
There may be "no rules" in the literal sense when it comes to rap beef, but there are things that the majority of people won't let slide, even if it is hip-hop.
And these hip-hop beefs are ultimately decided by the general public.
20+ years ago, Nas was calling Jay-Z a f***** and shaming Jay-Z for allegedly being a gay man. Nas faced little hate for his words. He definitely wasn't getting called out for his words and for using such an offensive slur back in 2001. In 2024, he would get canceled. That is not a debate. That is reality.
I don't really keep up with 90s hip-hop tbh, but I guarantee you that one MC probably mocked another one for being assaulted. Hell, people tried to say Tupac was r**** in jail and made fun of him over it. As a way to humiliate and emasculate him.
Compare that to Kdot's disses. In MTG, he says he thinks people like Drake should die. Why didn't this line face as much backlash as the drizzler's line? Because Kdot saying that he thinks a child sexual predator should die will not anger people as much as the what the drizzler tried to mock Kdot about. Especially given the fact that the the drizzler has preyed on minors. There is video proof all over the internet of this. Saying Kdot has no receipts is denying reality at this point. And that is just what the public has seen...
We live in a time where SA is taken very seriously and many rich and powerful individuals are getting exposed year-round. Childhood trauma and movements like #MeToo are not things that will just go away.
I wonder which will garner more controversy and pushback:
A rapper saying he thinks a child sexual predator should die. And also calling him a pedophile. Vs a child sexual predator mocking a rapper for being "molested" as a child?
So next time we have a discussion about rap beef "rules" we need to ask ourselves: "how will the general public react to these words?" And "who are the ones throwing the jabs?"

Introduction

There was a post that was recently posted and it's been asked a ton: "How do I get a computer science related job after I graduate from KSU?". I thought I'd share this with everyone because I've been down this path and managed to make it on the other side. This will be a long explanation and hopefully, can serve as some sort of guide for students. That being said, things are subjective and this is not the holy grail of how to make it. You might find all, some or none of it useful. I encourage testimonials and whatnot in the comments. Can be applied to all majors but, this primary for technology-based majors since I am in tech field. YMMV

About Me

I've been around here for a while. I was a student not too long ago, studied computer science for my bachelors. After graduating, I work in FAANG and have worked in big tech for a while. No, I don't work at Amazon. I am a senior software engineer. I touch frontend & backend technologies. I participate in hiring frequently.

Starting Out

Over the years and while attending here, there's been a weird disconnect between students, goals and how to achieve them in tech. Goals can be anywhere from learning new technologies, getting internships to securing a full time job before or after you graduate. As much as I would love for there to be a path where you can do minimum effort and still succeed, there isn't. A lot of you seem to not realize that. Getting a degree in this field is not enough. Doing projects that show no passion / interests is not enough. Being stuck on tutorials for years is not enough.
This field is much like a sport. There are very few people that can just be great without any effort. You have to be consistent. Four years is not a lot of time. It goes by super fast. If you constantly push things back and you do not take the time to learn the fundamentals outside the classroom, you will not succeed in this field. This field is at a point where there's so many of you. Every post on LinkedIn and news articles said "hey, this field is a gold mine and you'll make six figures out the gate". For a time, maybe that was somewhat true. As of writing this, it's not. You're going against people who have: better schools, better experience, etc. You have to find a way to diversify yourself early. If you can't diversify, you're going to be in a tough place later down the road. Knowledge not something you can just consume in less than an hour and pass an interview. You have to know it well. If you don't, there's someone else who will.
There's an interesting connotation in life that you're either born super smart or an absolute idiot and that you have to be smart to do computer science / programming. There are people with raw IQ that can consume things like no one you've ever met but, that's such a rarity that there's no realistic use in using that as a data point. If you ever took the time to ask someone who you thought was really good at something, they would tell you something along the lines of: I love what I do and I spent a lot of time doing this. There are hours and hours of time people put into passions that you don't / will never see. Meaning that they can no-life this shit for days on end and still come back and do it some more. It doesn't mean that you can't succeed if don't do that but, computing / programming is a very boring field if you do not enjoy it. I would seriously contemplate why you're going through this. If you're doing it for money and only money, you're going to end up miserable. No amount of money can make you do something you hate. It'll wear you down both mentally and physically. If you're doing this because it's a mix of passion and money, you're like everyone else and you gave yourself a better shot. It's a mental thing. Don't climb uphill if you rather sit at the bottom. Don't complain if you're at the bottom and you rather be at the top. There's nothing wrong with that. But, don't do it. For what it's worth, I am not the smartest person. I graduated high school with a low GPA and took college seriously because I wanted to do more with my life. Plus, being on hourly forever sounds horrible imo. Use the opportunities that life has given to you and run with it. Run far, run smart and run in a direction that you can see yourself going long-term.
Additionally, college is what you make of it. Blaming professors or the program (while I do agree sometimes) is not a solution. Blaming professors that don't speak English is a cop out. If you work in tech, you'll be interacting with a lot of people from other countries. Suck it up. Work with it instead of against it. Professors and TAs can only teach you so much. Classes are meant to give you a taste of what it's like in that domain / space. It's not meant to fix all your issues and show you the way. That's for you to do on your own time. Take accountability of your own success, explore the internet (it's free) and lock in. Stop looking for opportunities to find you. Actively seek them out yourself.

Networking

Make connections with people. I cannot stress how important this is. Especially on the Marietta campus, there's a lot of you that go to class, stingers / food, run to class and immediately start gaming and think that when your classes are over, you're done for the day. That's a bad mindset. Make connections with people. Sit with random people at stingers or wherever. Have a conversation. Find a common interest. Don't harass men / women for a date while you're at it. Keep it cool. A lot of people say "there's nothing to do at KSU and there's no life on campus". That's not true at all. It's true if you choose to put your head in a box and refuse to look up. Join a club that interests you. Get close to the people in that club who actively attend and build a personal relationship. If there's no club with your interest, make a club. Fuck it, lead one. You can make one officially through KSU or add a discord server to the student hub and go from there. You'll meet some really cool like-minded people. Lots of my connections have come from randomly showing up to a club, getting out of my comfort zone and weirdly enjoying it.

Interviewing

Brush up on your interview skills. Technical and behavioral abilities matter. Culture fit matters. A lot of you seem to walk around with almost zero personal hygiene. Clean yourself up, practice talking to people and get places. There's been this stigma that culture fit doesn't matter as much as technical and if I have great technical abilities, they'll just accept me. I can tell you for an absolutely fact that I have thrown out / tossed out resumes from highly technical individuals that had zero people skills. If you can't communicate and clean up, you're more of a risk than someone who does all those things and has a bit less technical ability. I can teach someone how to code. I can't teach someone how to take a shower or brush their teeth. Know more than just Leetcode. Learn system design. Take a course / watch a video on Linux and bash. Do not be afraid of the command line interface. Understand how things work at a deeper level. Take feedback seriously. Do not argue with people. If you future manager / colleague tells you that you need to work on things, work on those things. There's nothing worse than a co-worker in denial.

Jobs

As for internships and full time opportunities, there's a few classes at KSU that you really want to master: Data structures, Algorithm Analysis, Operating Systems and Discrete math. If you're in a major that doesn't have those classes, spend the extra money and take those classes. Do not take them online if you can afford to come in person. Take the hardest / best professors for those courses. Super important. Leetcode is quite literally, those classes merged together in a prompt-style format. If you do not understand those concepts, you will not make it in this field let alone pass an interview loop.
Data Structures - Varies. Rate my professor.
Algorithm Analysis - Varies. Rate my professor.
Operating Systems - Do not take Carla McManus if you want to learn the concepts fluently.
Discrete Math - Andy Wilson.
Having solid resume is super important. Many people who don't secure things and get automatically rejected, etc have horrible resumes. Spend the money (it's a lot) to get your resume professionally written. It's worth it. Invest in your long term career aspirations. Templates are cool but, they don't convey information well and come across as lazy. Don't put every achievement ever on there. I don't want to see a wall of text. No, I don't care if you're a Boy Scout. No, I don't care if you bussed tables in high school. You get the point. The rule of "only one page" is complete and total bullshit. If you have projects and prior work experience related to the role, list it down. Don't conserve space for the sake of keeping it one page. You're limiting yourself. I know the career center actively tells people on handshake to keep it to one page. They're wrong. I landed internships & full time roles consistently at big tech / FAANG for years with a 1.5 / 2 page resume. Do not lie on your resume. If you can't solve a leetcode hard consistently with the technology / language of choice, you don't know it well enough. I have interviewed a ton of students and people that list they know C or Python and can't write recursion or gives me a solution in O(N^2) or worse. Aim for O(N), use a hashmap / hash table when you can and do it in a language that doesn't make you fight the runtime / compiler. Trust me, we know when you're making shit up. If you don't know something say it and then, tell them to explain more. This way, you show that you have the capability to learn. Ask smart questions. Do not ask questions that have already been answered. Take notes.
On your resume, experience is only real experience if you get a W2. If you don't get a W2, you can't claim it as professional experience. A lot of background checks these days are drilling down on incorrect information. I have seen instances where people lie, get an offer, company finds out through a comprehensive background check and their offer is gone. Do not put the fate of your future income on a lie. I cannot stress this enough. A lot of students and people actively lie.
Secondly, the trick to getting a good internship is timing. A lot of you wait until Nov - Dec to find an internship and then, throw your hands up when no one responds. That's not a good mindset. Solid internships are recruiting in end of July to August. By September, the amount of open spots are extremely thin. Local companies tend to look for internships during this time. Internships are about luck after that. Reach out to people in your circle to increase your odds. A referral goes a long way. Prior experience through projects that are complex and unique go a long way. It's a numbers game. Don't aim for the highest thing ever without some sort of referral. You can still apply but, do not expect much from it. Start small and work your way up. It's extremely rare to go from KSU undergrad sophomore to Google. It takes a lot of outside work. If you happen to land the internship, make sure that you get recommendations at the end. Having real people who you worked with in a professional capacity that can vouch for you is huge. If you're in your junior year and you get an internship, make sure you try to secure a full time offer. Loop in your boss, mentor, etc. Make your expectations clear. Reach their expectations and beyond.
Thirdly, full time opportunities are rare and most new grads that get hired come from the previous year's intern pool. If you don't get converted, you have to make up that time searching for a job during your senior year. If you do get converted, keep looking because companies are flaky these days. Always have a Plan B & C. Never fully count on Plan A. If you don't have internships across four years, it's over for you. From a hiring manager perspective, it's an absolute red flag when we come across someone with a degree and no internships. That's effectively going against the point of college. You'll have to settle for crumbs and crawl your way up. Very few make it out of that hole. The bar is significantly higher. Especially, now.

Searching for an Opportunity

Do not wait until after you graduate to find a job. Jan - Early May are when most companies finalize budgets and hire. If you wait until after May, you'll might have to wait until after the Summer and possibly, October for hiring to pick up again. Proactivity is nothing but good for you. If you can't be proactive then, you won't succeed in this field. Referrals matter but, personal connections with the hiring manager / recruiter are much, much better. Work your way up. Don't discount an opportunity because it doesn't pay well. Get as much experience as you can and bounce around. Do not go into the gate thinking you're going to make $120K - $140K / yr out the gate. You're most-likely going to make $68K - $75K / yr depending on the location. Do not listen to LinkedIn posts that claim all this cool shit and how to do it. Trust me, it's bullshit. Don't pay attention to it. It's a brag-fest. It's a long road. Start walking on it early and you'll reach the other side when it matters most. Trust in it.
The reality of this economy is that highly experience people have been laid off. Those people are applying to entry level roles and those roles are being filled for cheap. In addition, watch out for fake postings and scam jobs. If you take a contract job, always keep looking. Avoid jobs that will providing "training" before you even start. Avoid jobs that are less than week old. You want things that are fresh. It's a numbers game. Apply for 300+ jobs every week until you get a response back. Don't be discouraged by employers who don't respond or ghost you. Keep at it. It's a mental game.

Conclusion

I think if you do these things, you'll end up at a great spot after four years. If you're just now coming across this and you've been slacking, use this an opportunity to wake the fuck up, light a fire under your ass and lock in. If you're still in denial after reading this post and you have yet to get anything, light a fire under your ass, come to terms with it and lock in.
If you're in it to do zero work, cheat on your classes, mess around for four years and somehow wing a high salary or a job in this field, good luck. You're fucked. You're so fucked, in-fact, that you'll be wondering "why me and why is it so hard" for a long ass time. Don't be that person.

Cool Resources

Git - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvUiKWv2-C0
Github (use this as your portfolio; web devs should make an actual clean website) - https://github.com
Github Student Pack (tons of free resources) - https://education.github.com/pack
Linux Handbook - https://linuxhandbook.com/ Linux Quickguide - https://github.com/mikeroyal/Linux-Guide
Lots of subreddits geared around linux and programming. Great resources to find.
Understand: Kernel Space vs. User Space, Memory Allocation / Deallocation, Bitwise Operations, Memory blocks, processes and threads, context switching
System Design Primer - https://github.com/donnemartin/system-design-primer
Understand: Monolith vs. Micro-services, Tradeoffs between different approaches, Vertical vs. Horizontal Scaling, Load Balancers, Buckets, Data lakes, CI / CD Pipelines, Data Clusters, Client-Server Architecture, Synchronous vs. Asynchronous Context: System design is like a giant puzzle that has many forms. Create a basic design. It won't be perfect. Mix-and-match different services and know why, how and tradeoffs between each approach.
Programming language is dependent on the role and what the company favors. Common ones are Java, C++, Python, C#, JavaScript / TypeScript and C. You can look at jobs that you would like to work someday, look at the requirements and use that as a basis on where to start learning. Things constantly change. Fundamentals build up on each other. Start small. Work your way up. Do not dream big. Dream realistic. Everyone is different.

Ever tried building the Millennium Falcon out of Lego while simultaneously deadlifting and stealthily killing a bunch of guards on Assassins Creed? Me neither, but I'm always up for a challenge. 😂
Ok, so this is my first time doing this whole "putting myself out there" thing, so bear with me while I try not to spill my coffee on the keyboard from nervousness. 😅
Me:

• Amateur Nerd based in Canada (GTA)
• Passionate about photography (taking them, not being in them... still working on the selfie game), travel (who isn't?), tech (can fix your Wi-Fi, probably), Lego (master builder in training), working out (aspiring endorphin junkie), reading (anything from fantasy to non-fiction), and gaming (Xbox/PS5, but I'll dabble in Mario Kart if you twist my arm)
• Currently accepting applications for co-op partners in crime/travel/photo sessions/love/Lego building (short or long-term contracts available)

You:

• Amazing female human who doesn't mind a slightly awkward, but well-intentioned dude
• Appreciates terrible puns and dad jokes (I have an endless supply)
• Willing to be my Player 2 in both video games and life (extra points if you can teach me how to properly fold a fitted sheet)

If you're looking for someone to geek out with, explore new places, or just chill on the couch with a good book, hit me up! Happy to exchange pics if we can vibe; Bonus points if you can beat me in FC24. 😉

So I’ve been learning about capoeira for quite abit now but I’ve never actually gotten up to attempt it. Unfortunately where I am there’s no access to an actual dojo/gym that teaches capoeira so it’s all up to me if I wanna learn. I’d love to get some links to videos on tutorials/trainings that are good for a newbie like myself, thanks!

Going to Japan for the second time this early November, but this time I'm bringing my partner. Since it's her first time, we are going to spend some time in Tokyo with a day trip and overnight in Nikko included.
But after that, we are going to avoid the Golden Route so that we don't have to deal with the worst Osaka/Kyoto/Hiroshima onslaught, and because I've already done it, while still staying in the same vicinity as we still need to fly out from KIX.
Our current plans following Tokyo is: 1 night Nagoya, 2 nights Takayama, 2 nights Kanazawa, 1 night Nara.
I have 1 extra night to play with (maybe 2). I'm currently considering the following options: - An extra night added to Nagoya or Kanazawa. - Visiting the Kurobe Gorge. - Going to Koyasan again.
However, I'm open to any other suggestions.
We are into city exploring and nature activities, although my partner has limited mobility so only moderate 3-4 hour hikes are possible. Not so interested in nightlife or the anime/video games kind of things.

This is kinda embarrassing (idk if that’s even the right word) to post but here goes nothing. In November, I (20 f) met up with one of my online friends of 3 years in Tokyo. Lets call him John. I met him thru a language app becsude I was learning English. He was studying abroad in Canada but came back to Japan. we usually speak in English. Basically I went to Tokyo for a university tour and we met up after 3 years of knowing each other.
Long story short we hit it off and ended up hanging out 3 times in total when it was supposed to be once. We got pretty close and held hands in public a lot (which PDA in Japan is kinda uncommon and not many ppl do it). We hung out and I slept over at his apartment. I obviously don’t rlly need to go into detail but I guess it moved kinda fast. We didn’t do the deed but we did other things. When he dropped me off at the train station that would take me to the airport we kissed goodbye twice which again is kinda PDA-ey for japan.
He kinda has always been a bad texter at times, but it was fine when I got back. I didn’t expect to be so heartbroken about but I was. It seemed like he missed me but, y know, how much can you tell thru text? Mind you he was one of the first guys I’ve ever done any of this couple-like things with.
Anyways, it was fine until he stopped answering as quick, blah blah blah u know how the story goes. He then got normal again after like 2 months. I told a few of my friends and they said “fk him move on” “maybe he doesn’t know when ur coming back” “theres another girl” the whole things. I also thought things myself, however.
I kinda pulled back, but he then was being more talkative towards me, but then that’s when we had our final conversation since. He just stopped reaching out. I reached out a week later, but I rly just sent him a meme. So he just liked it.
But, what makes me mad, was that he slid up on MY story, and when I respond he doesn’t open the message. For a week. Like? Bro what. Don’t talk to me just to ignore me. That rlly set me off bc I hadn’t talked to him in a while but my heart still kinda ached. Unfortunately I got rlly drunk that night and texted him “I need to tell you something” and I was just gonna be upfront. I’m sure he saw my message. I woke up however and unsent the message. I didn’t say what I wanted to tell him, just “can I tell u something”. But I unsent it after about 6 ish hours. Mind you it was day time for him so he probably saw it.
I feel so dumb, and I can’t seem to move on. I haven’t been really reaching out to him at all either, but idk I just always hopes he will like or slide up on my story. He does know (at least I posted) that I am transferring to a Japanese university and still nothing. I don’t know what to do. I feel so much for him and our time was cut so short. I feel like for my own sake I should message him one more time telling him how I feel and then leave it. I won’t even expect a response from him. I feel like I just need him to know how I truly feel, because I haven’t. I mean, you’d think it would be obvious considering all that we did.
What should I do? Should I just drop it? Should I text him one last time and never look back for my own satisfaction? It’s been 6 months and I just still feel heartbroken.

I've been feeling down for a time now. I cannot get out of bed, been ignoring everyone, stopped eating, been thinking on killing myself. Heck, I can't even enjoy things anymore like just watching movies or playing video games.
And what comes to all the time is that is my fault I am who I am. And I hate who I am, but slowly I've been accepting that I'll be stuck with myself and that negative part of myself for the rest of my life. I thought I had it in control (appart from the mood swings, sometimes I "disassociate" and turn really violent), but lately I just can't control it. This feelings, and thoughts, and actions I don't mean to do are rapidly destroying the achievements and relationships I have slowly built. And I hate myself for that. I can't take it anymore and it's killing me. No medication, no therapy, and no "self-love" is fixing me, and I have to accept it.
And the worst part is that this is all my fault. I could've spoken out when that asshole molested me when I was 6. I could've learn to trust people so I wouldn't isolate myself and making me the perfect target for being bullied. I could've decided so many things that would've broken that pattern. I could've not wait until I was 22 to finally speak up. I could've just kill myself when I had the chance to.