This is a very long one. Trigger warning ⚠️
I (19f) have been in and out of long term/short term facilities since I was 12 years old. I’ve had suicide attempts and have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. This is definitely not my first experience with a therapist. Over the years I’ve had over 6+. Not because they haven’t worked for me all the time, but because they either move onto another facility or I move onto another phase in life.
Last year I adopted a new therapist “Mere” thanks to my older sister “North”. My current Therapist “Tina” who I’ve been working with for the past 3 and a half years, switched to a facility where my insurance only covers 30 min sessions. North didn’t think that was enough for me at the time since I wasn’t doing so well mentally. The therapist she recommended worked closely with her own and offered 1hr long sessions, so I agreed wanting to try something new since my old therapist seemed to not specialize in trauma and ptsd. Kerr was highly recommended for those topics.
We started our sessions not soon after my sister offered. The first couple months were hard. Our personalities seemed to clash. Not because mine was bad, but because I was deeply depressed. I was not a joy to be around and everyone seemed annoyed with my constant melancholy. Even my therapists seemed sick of me.
Over time I learned to adapt my personality to be more palatable. My therapists loved it now that I was interacting with them and making jokes. I treated them more like friends now instead of therapists and they seemed to appreciate that. I found it funny because a lot of my issues I explained to them was faking my personality to fit into the crowd and adapt. Due to me being f a people pleaser. They didn’t see anything wrong with the change since I seemed to be getting better mentally.
I was better. I wouldn’t attribute much of my success to my therapists tho. It was nice to have someone to talk to since at the time I had no friends, but they didn’t seem to know how to handle my constant depression so I started to hide it from them. Even from myself. Over time I was able to function a lot better. I switched my sessions to only once every two weeks and I was planning on ending them all together since I was doing so well on my own and haven’t need much help in a while.
It seems that I ah e bad luck. Right when I was at my peak recovery and condition, I was raped on the first day of the new year. I spiraled back into my deep deep deep depression worse than any other relapse I had before. I survived on Benadryl and ice cream for weeks. I took the pills so I didn’t have to be awake to long. I ate only food that I liked the most (mainly unhealthily) my health declined.
My mental health was the worst of it tho. The day after the rape occurred I had a session with my newer therapist. I start telling her the details of my assault. The shock was still fresh in my brain and my memories were scrambled. I greatly blamed myself. I thought I was the weirdo.
Mere only confirmed my sentiments. Before I could fully list out the details of the night it happened she immediately started to spew accusations of my intentions that night. Saying phrases like “Well when someone is pleasuring you it’s hard to say no and there’s nothing wrong with that”
I shut up then and just agreed with her but something still didn’t sit right with me. I went on Reddit and there was mixed opinions about it. A lot of ppl validated my feelings and others thought It was my fault. After fully processing this event and fully remembering it in its entirety I can say confidently that what happened to me was rape.
The next session we had I was able to tell the full story. Mede had just said “Oh. Well you didn’t mention all this before. That’s definitely not ok”. The thing is tho, she was the one to cut me off and make assumptions instead of trying to pull out the full story. She knew I had extreme ptsd and I probably wouldn’t be able to give an in-depth detailed explanation of what happened. She still insulted me anyway and brushed me off.
I thought this to be weird but I brushed it off. When you think k you’re in the presence of a professional you don’t often question things especially if you aren’t in the mental space to do so. So ignored her.
There have been times where she’s been short with me. One time she had asked to switch a 12pm session to 5pm. When I refused she said she’d have to charge me a cancellation fee. It seemed that she just wanted to get paid for that session still and wanted to guilt me into paying. I refused and explained that she was the one who cancelled on me and she immediately backed down realizing I wouldn’t be easily pushed around. I didn’t think much of it then.
Another time. I had gone to this tattoo parlor to get my belly button pierced. I took videos and pictures of the process. She requested in our session that week to see the pictures. I agreed to send and emailed them to her in two emails. In one there was all the pictures of the parlor, the. The other had the videos of the full process. Accidentally I had added one singular picture of me. I was at school and I took a picture in the schools bathroom. There was nothing indecent about it I just accidentally pressed on that picture as I was sending the others. IT happened a lot when using your iPhone to email and I didn’t really notice.
She brought it up the next session and started to berate me for sending that singular pic out of all the obvious other intended pictures. She said it’s inappropriate to send her pictures of myself. I explained to her the accident and she seemed shocked. All she said was “oh well ok”. I don’t know why she got so triggered I’ve always kept good boundaries with her. I can’t believe she immediately started accusing me for one picture of me posing in the mirror while having a turtle neck in a jacket and everything.
Those are just a few of the shady things she’s done. Now back to current time. After I was raped. I still continued sessions with her and tried to get back on track. She wasn’t really helping. I would have extreme panic attacks on therapy video calls with her and she seemed at loss of what to do. I distanced myself from her and I started to get a little better, but then I started to have issues with some of my friends. That added onto my load of issues and started to push me to the edge.
I called my therapist the night of my attempt. I try not to call her after hours but I was in genuine crisis. I had spent the whole day being practically verbally abused by one of my friends. I was cracking slowly it surely and I reached out for help.
Otp I expressed to her how I felt betrayed by everyone around me. I asked her why everyone felt it was ok to treat me wrong whenever. Why wasn’t I able to find peace? Why I couldn’t find ppl who cared? My parents are emotionally abusive as well. That all stems into my ppl pleasing habits. I’ve let a lot of ppl take advantage of my nature because I’ve been conditioned to since birth. She knows my history and why I am the way I am. Instead of consoling me she yelled at me. “Well you knew they were bad ppl!” “If you knew they were bad ppl why are you blaming them you just need to stop hanging around bad ppl”. She then told me she had to go and hung up. She did ask me if I was safe but of course I lied. She knows I always try to see the best in ppl. I don’t see the bad till it’s too late most times. Her words stung like acid. I had been prescribed some sedatives to calm me during panic attacks. I had taken two but they weren’t helping. After that call I took the whole bottle. I didn’t want to die alone so I called my mother to stay in my room with me. Then I drifted into a deep sleep for hours into the next day’s afternoon. I had fallen asleep around 10 pm. I woke up the next day around 3pm still kicking but disordered.
I spent two weeks in a mental hospital. During that time I do t have access to my phone. I had my sister contact everyone that needed to be. Even Mere. She knew I was in there. I didn’t call her while I was there bc I was still upset at her after everything.
I was discharged but I didn’t set up a session for weeks. She emailed and called me once but I didn’t respond till I was fully settled back into my routine and okay enough to talk to her. I emailed her this
“Hallo, Sorry. I didn’t mean to ghost you. I just needed some time to get myself together. I called you just now. You are probably busy. I hope everything is doing well on your end. Sorry again. Sent from my iPhone”
I had planned to set up an appointment in the future to talk to her about everything but by the time I checked my patient portal a week or so later I had been discharged with no warning. No calm text or email.
I set up a meeting with her over the phone for 45 mins. When she first came onto the call the first thing she said was “I saw that you put our appointment for 45 mins. I changed it to 30 bc you know I did discharge you”. I thought it was pretty rude so instead of explaining everything I told her about how I didn’t have my phone in the hospital and the hospital themselves didn’t notify her because they were disorganized and were extremely unprofessional. It’s not like she wasn’t updated by my sisters anyway. When I got my phone after I got home I saw texts from her asking if I was still having a session with her. Knowing that I was in the hospital. It seemed she either didn’t care or didn’t believe I was in the hospital. In fact when she had spoken over the phone with one of my sisters she had lied to them about that night. She had told her “After I got otp with her I immediately started praying for her because I m ew something was deeply wrong” how delusional of her to say after she yelled at me and hung up.
Anyway after I explained my reasoning for going MIA she started to realize how fucked up she was and asked me how I was doing. I didn’t say much because I was done with her and she obviously didn’t intend of hearing the full story since she shortened our session. She started asking me why I didn’t want to continue therapy and seemed confused why I didn’t seem to beg her to re admit me. I told her I was done with therapy. She seemed concerned and said that she discharged me because she thought it’d be better for me to find an in person therapist. I knew it was a shitty excuse. I quickly hang up on her and don’t address anything.
I’m only processing this now because I’ve had much bigger things going on. I’m only now realizing how fucked up her behavior was. If I hadn’t spoken to her the night of my attempt I probably wouldn’t have tried to kill myself. I feel cheated out of help. I don’t feel angry at her I have to reserve that for someone more worthy of my rage. I only wished she didn’t use the fact that I would never call her out on her behavior usually. She knew my temperament and took advantage of that. I don’t think I’ll ever trust a therapist again. She victim blamed me, mocked me, berated me in my time of need, and then abandoned me on baseless assumptions that could’ve been easily cleared up if she actually listened to what my sisters and I were saying. She didn’t even say sorry when we were talking. Or express any remorse besides embarrassment for jumping to conclusions. SMH.
TLDR: My therapist berated me for trusting ppl in my life the night of my suicide attempt. Then Discharged me from her care without consulting me first. Blamed me for all her mistakes and jumped to conclusions randomly then never apologized for the baseless accusations. I am at a loss for words and at a loss for trust in therapy again.

This is a very long one.
I (19f) have been in and out of long term/short term facilities since I was 12 years old. I’ve had suicide attempts and have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. This is definitely not my first experience with a therapist. Over the years I’ve had over 6+. Not because they haven’t worked for me all the time, but because they either move onto another facility or I move onto another phase in life.
Last year I adopted a new therapist “Mere” thanks to my older sister “North”. My current Therapist “Tina” who I’ve been working with for the past 3 and a half years, switched to a facility where my insurance only covers 30 min sessions. North didn’t think that was enough for me at the time since I wasn’t doing so well mentally. The therapist she recommended worked closely with her own and offered 1hr long sessions, so I agreed wanting to try something new since my old therapist seemed to not specialize in trauma and ptsd. Kerr was highly recommended for those topics.
We started our sessions not soon after my sister offered. The first couple months were hard. Our personalities seemed to clash. Not because mine was bad, but because I was deeply depressed. I was not a joy to be around and everyone seemed annoyed with my constant melancholy. Even my therapists seemed sick of me.
Over time I learned to adapt my personality to be more palatable. My therapists loved it now that I was interacting with them and making jokes. I treated them more like friends now instead of therapists and they seemed to appreciate that. I found it funny because a lot of my issues I explained to them was faking my personality to fit into the crowd and adapt. Due to me being f a people pleaser. They didn’t see anything wrong with the change since I seemed to be getting better mentally.
I was better. I wouldn’t attribute much of my success to my therapists tho. It was nice to have someone to talk to since at the time I had no friends, but they didn’t seem to know how to handle my constant depression so I started to hide it from them. Even from myself. Over time I was able to function a lot better. I switched my sessions to only once every two weeks and I was planning on ending them all together since I was doing so well on my own and haven’t need much help in a while.
It seems that I ah e bad luck. Right when I was at my peak recovery and condition, I was raped on the first day of the new year. I spiraled back into my deep deep deep depression worse than any other relapse I had before. I survived on Benadryl and ice cream for weeks. I took the pills so I didn’t have to be awake to long. I ate only food that I liked the most (mainly unhealthily) my health declined.
My mental health was the worst of it tho. The day after the rape occurred I had a session with my newer therapist. I start telling her the details of my assault. The shock was still fresh in my brain and my memories were scrambled. I greatly blamed myself. I thought I was the weirdo.
Mere only confirmed my sentiments. Before I could fully list out the details of the night it happened she immediately started to spew accusations of my intentions that night. Saying phrases like “Well when someone is pleasuring you it’s hard to say no and there’s nothing wrong with that”
I shut up then and just agreed with her but something still didn’t sit right with me. I went on Reddit and there was mixed opinions about it. A lot of ppl validated my feelings and others thought It was my fault. After fully processing this event and fully remembering it in its entirety I can say confidently that what happened to me was rape.
The next session we had I was able to tell the full story. Mede had just said “Oh. Well you didn’t mention all this before. That’s definitely not ok”. The thing is tho, she was the one to cut me off and make assumptions instead of trying to pull out the full story. She knew I had extreme ptsd and I probably wouldn’t be able to give an in-depth detailed explanation of what happened. She still insulted me anyway and brushed me off.
I thought this to be weird but I brushed it off. When you think k you’re in the presence of a professional you don’t often question things especially if you aren’t in the mental space to do so. So ignored her.
There have been times where she’s been short with me. One time she had asked to switch a 12pm session to 5pm. When I refused she said she’d have to charge me a cancellation fee. It seemed that she just wanted to get paid for that session still and wanted to guilt me into paying. I refused and explained that she was the one who cancelled on me and she immediately backed down realizing I wouldn’t be easily pushed around. I didn’t think much of it then.
Another time. I had gone to this tattoo parlor to get my belly button pierced. I took videos and pictures of the process. She requested in our session that week to see the pictures. I agreed to send and emailed them to her in two emails. In one there was all the pictures of the parlor, the. The other had the videos of the full process. Accidentally I had added one singular picture of me. I was at school and I took a picture in the schools bathroom. There was nothing indecent about it I just accidentally pressed on that picture as I was sending the others. IT happened a lot when using your iPhone to email and I didn’t really notice.
She brought it up the next session and started to berate me for sending that singular pic out of all the obvious other intended pictures. She said it’s inappropriate to send her pictures of myself. I explained to her the accident and she seemed shocked. All she said was “oh well ok”. I don’t know why she got so triggered I’ve always kept good boundaries with her. I can’t believe she immediately started accusing me for one picture of me posing in the mirror while having a turtle neck in a jacket and everything.
Those are just a few of the shady things she’s done. Now back to current time. After I was raped. I still continued sessions with her and tried to get back on track. She wasn’t really helping. I would have extreme panic attacks on therapy video calls with her and she seemed at loss of what to do. I distanced myself from her and I started to get a little better, but then I started to have issues with some of my friends. That added onto my load of issues and started to push me to the edge.
I called my therapist the night of my attempt. I try not to call her after hours but I was in genuine crisis. I had spent the whole day being practically verbally abused by one of my friends. I was cracking slowly it surely and I reached out for help.
Otp I expressed to her how I felt betrayed by everyone around me. I asked her why everyone felt it was ok to treat me wrong whenever. Why wasn’t I able to find peace? Why I couldn’t find ppl who cared? My parents are emotionally abusive as well. That all stems into my ppl pleasing habits. I’ve let a lot of ppl take advantage of my nature because I’ve been conditioned to since birth. She knows my history and why I am the way I am. Instead of consoling me she yelled at me. “Well you knew they were bad ppl!” “If you knew they were bad ppl why are you blaming them you just need to stop hanging around bad ppl”. She then told me she had to go and hung up. She did ask me if I was safe but of course I lied. She knows I always try to see the best in ppl. I don’t see the bad till it’s too late most times. Her words stung like acid. I had been prescribed some sedatives to calm me during panic attacks. I had taken two but they weren’t helping. After that call I took the whole bottle. I didn’t want to die alone so I called my mother to stay in my room with me. Then I drifted into a deep sleep for hours into the next day’s afternoon. I had fallen asleep around 10 pm. I woke up the next day around 3pm still kicking but disordered.
I spent two weeks in a mental hospital. During that time I do t have access to my phone. I had my sister contact everyone that needed to be. Even Mere. She knew I was in there. I didn’t call her while I was there bc I was still upset at her after everything.
I was discharged but I didn’t set up a session for weeks. She emailed and called me once but I didn’t respond till I was fully settled back into my routine and okay enough to talk to her. I emailed her this
“Hallo, Sorry. I didn’t mean to ghost you. I just needed some time to get myself together. I called you just now. You are probably busy. I hope everything is doing well on your end. Sorry again. Sent from my iPhone”
I had planned to set up an appointment in the future to talk to her about everything but by the time I checked my patient portal a week or so later I had been discharged with no warning. No calm text or email.
I set up a meeting with her over the phone for 45 mins. When she first came onto the call the first thing she said was “I saw that you put our appointment for 45 mins. I changed it to 30 bc you know I did discharge you”. I thought it was pretty rude so instead of explaining everything I told her about how I didn’t have my phone in the hospital and the hospital themselves didn’t notify her because they were disorganized and were extremely unprofessional. It’s not like she wasn’t updated by my sisters anyway. When I got my phone after I got home I saw texts from her asking if I was still having a session with her. Knowing that I was in the hospital. It seemed she either didn’t care or didn’t believe I was in the hospital. In fact when she had spoken over the phone with one of my sisters she had lied to them about that night. She had told her “After I got otp with her I immediately started praying for her because I m ew something was deeply wrong” how delusional of her to say after she yelled at me and hung up.
Anyway after I explained my reasoning for going MIA she started to realize how fucked up she was and asked me how I was doing. I didn’t say much because I was done with her and she obviously didn’t intend of hearing the full story since she shortened our session. She started asking me why I didn’t want to continue therapy and seemed confused why I didn’t seem to beg her to re admit me. I told her I was done with therapy. She seemed concerned and said that she discharged me because she thought it’d be better for me to find an in person therapist. I knew it was a shitty excuse. I quickly hang up on her and don’t address anything.
I’m only processing this now because I’ve had much bigger things going on. I’m only now realizing how fucked up her behavior was. If I hadn’t spoken to her the night of my attempt I probably wouldn’t have tried to kill myself. I feel cheated out of help. I don’t feel angry at her I have to reserve that for someone more worthy of my rage. I only wished she didn’t use the fact that I would never call her out on her behavior usually. She knew my temperament and took advantage of that. I don’t think I’ll ever trust a therapist again. She victim blamed me, mocked me, berated me in my time of need, and then abandoned me on baseless assumptions that could’ve been easily cleared up if she actually listened to what my sisters and I were saying. She didn’t even say sorry when we were talking. Or express any remorse besides embarrassment for jumping to conclusions. SMH.
TLDR: My therapist berated me for trusting ppl in my life the night of my suicide attempt. Then Discharged me from her care without consulting me first. Blamed me for all her mistakes and jumped to conclusions randomly then never apologized for the baseless accusations. I am at a loss for words and at a loss for trust in therapy again.

I only answered like 2/3 of the questions btw.

• What is your idea of perfect happiness?
  • Being surrounded by the people/animals I care about. Bonus points if it's in a private outdoor area, cause I love being in nature.
• What is your greatest fear?
  • Losing the people that I care about. A secondary one would be not being able to overcome the trauma my parents caused me and becoming like them.
• What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
  • My temper or selfishness at times. But also, I have learned I have a tendency to be very hard on myself at times, so idk if the latter one is accurate or something I think I am because I suck at drawing boundaries with others and then feel selfish when I do.
• What is the trait you most deplore in others?
  • Knowingly using or stepping on others for your personal gain, especially when there are other options available (ex. knowing your actions are going to hurt other people, animals, the environment, etc. and still choosing to move forward despite it). Also, disregarding other people’s emotions/boundaries.
• Which living person do you most admire?
  • I don’t have an answer to this. I don’t really like to put people on a pedestal because humans are fallible and can burn you. Traits that I admire in others though are high empathy, chillness, good sense of humor, loyalty, consistency, open mindedness.
• What is your greatest extravagance?
  • Not having a fixed budget when I travel (outside of hotel/airfare). Other than that I don’t consider myself to be an extravagant person - I save and spend money responsibly so when I do want to splurge, I have the ability to do so.
• What is your current state of mind?
  • Self-growth - I'm working on trying to overcome the wounds my parents gave me during my childhood and figure out which of my traits are me vs coping mechanisms to the environment I grew up in.
• What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
  • Using a list of Aristotle’s virtues (cause I needed a list to come up with ideas) - righteous indignation. Imo, stewing in anger most always only leads to more pain and I feel like righteous indignation is often used by a lot of people as justifications to hurt another person which just creates a cycle of hurt. I wouldn't say all righteous anger is bad though, but it is when it's used to punish/hurt others rather than try to change the situation for the better or come to a mutual understanding.
• On what occasion do you lie?
  • When the details themselves don’t matter and will require more explaining than they're worth. Or any event that triggers fawning tendencies and I feel like my actual reasoning isn’t an acceptable enough one, so I end up stretching the truth to come up with something that'll seem more “valid” (ex. if someone invites me to do something I don’t want to do, I’ll just lie about having something else going on so I don’t hurt their feelings by telling them the truth).
• What is the quality you most like in a man/woman?
  • Loyalty or protectiveness.
• Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
  • ‘Interesting’ in response to things or ‘fuck’ when anything mildly inconvenient happens (I swear a lot when I’m alone, but I’m good at censoring myself when others are around).
• What or who is the greatest love of your life?
  • At the moment, probably my dog since my ‘people’ issues don’t extend to her and I can see how much she implicitly trusts and loves me which I see as a reflection of the love/care I extend to her. Also, we’re lowkey codependent af and I’d fight anyone to protect her.
• When and where were you happiest?
  • I’m not sure I can come up with a specific ‘when’ but most of my fondest memories are all with my closest friends/family members (my pup included) and us just doing random unplanned small stuff.
• Which talent would you most like to have?
  • Learning new languages quickly and retaining them with ease. Otherwise painting or pottery would be cool too.
• If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
  • My relationship with my emotions/self and how I react to things, but this is again tied to childhood trauma rather than cognition and I’m currently in the process of working on it.
• What do you consider your greatest achievement?
  • Not sure, but probably how quickly I get promoted in most of my jobs. I don’t even consider myself to be that hard of a worker, but most every job I’ve ever had has promoted me quickly and/or told me they’re trying to train me to eventually be put into leadership positions.
• If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
  • If we’re talking real life, then probably a panda in one of those panda sanctuaries in China where they don’t have to worry about predators, finding their own food, or anything really. If we’re talking fantasy worlds, then a witch or fantasy protagonist would be cool (think TVD type of witch where you’re a normal person who has earth magic, not one where I have to sell my soul to the devil or anything like that).
• Where would you most like to live?
  • I have a few different places I’d like to live - one would be in the temperate rainforests of the PNW/BC and another would be to retire along the coast of Maine in a lighthouse.
• What is your most treasured possession?
  • I don’t consider her a possession, but my most treasured ‘thing’ right now is my dog. In terms of things that I own, idk. I have stuff that I like and feel sentimental towards, but I don’t really get attached to objects the way that I think ‘treasured’ is being used here.
• What is your favorite occupation?
  • My favorite job I’ve ever worked was as a volunteer ‘cat cuddler’ at an animal shelter. My favorite job that I’ve never worked but I think would be fun would probably be as a park ranger.
• What do you most value in your friends?
  • Idk if I can distill it down to one single thing, but generally they’re good listeners, very easy going, always down whatever whether that be adventure or chill hangouts, and have good senses of humor

This list is emotional states from other countries and languages. If you see anything here that isn't actually part of a different language and can correct it, there is great appreciation for the help. It takes a whole lot of research to find lists that are accurate and I try, but can't get everything right. Let me know if it's outright wrong or needs to be edited for the correct definition. I am just one gal writing stuff at a snails pace 🐌.

1. Hüzün (Turkish) - a deep, melancholic yearning or emotional state.😏
   
2. Mono no aware (Japanese) - the awareness of the impermanence of all things, leading to a deep appreciation for the transient beauty of life.🥹
   
3. Saudade (Portuguese) - a profound, nostalgic longing for something or someone that is absent.
   

😊 4. Natsukashii (Japanese) - a sentimental longing for the past, with a mix of happiness and sadness. 😌

1. Tarab (Arabic) - the emotional ecstasy or enchantment experienced while listening to music.

🤩 6. Mbuki-mvuki (Bantu) - the irresistible urge to "shuck off" one's clothes as a form of spontaneous dancing.
🫨 7. Sukha (Sanskrit) - genuine happiness arising from contentment and a sense of well-being.
🤗 8. Gigil (Tagalog) - the irresistible urge to pinch or squeeze something incredibly cute. 😁

1. Gönnen (German) - the pleasure derived from seeing another person succeed or be happy. 😄
   
2. Satori (Japanese) - a sudden, profound sense of spiritual awareness or enlightenment. 😱
   
3. Fernweh (German) - a deep ache or longing for far-off places and the desire to travel. 😖
   
4. Komorebi (Japanese) - the interplay between light and leaves when sunlight filters through trees. 🥲
   
5. Kilig (Tagalog) - the thrilling, giddy feeling of romantic excitement. 😂
   
6. Ubuntu (Nguni Bantu) - a sense of shared humanity and interconnectedness.
   

😗 15. Boketto (Japanese) - the act of gazing vacantly into the distance without thinking.
😦 16. Hygge (Danish) - a cozy and comfortable feeling, often associated with simple pleasures and warmth. 😉

1. Amae (Japanese) - the expectation of indulgence or special treatment in interpersonal relationships. 😘
   
2. Fika (Swedish) - the ritual of taking a break to enjoy coffee and conversation.
   

☺️ 19. Ukiyo (Japanese) - the floating world; living in the moment, detached from the bothers of life.
👁️ 20. Sankofa (Akan) - the importance of learning from the past to build a successful future.
🏆 21. La douleur exquise (French) - the exquisite pain of wanting someone who you know you can never have.
🥴 22. Mudita (Sanskrit) - the joy that comes from witnessing the happiness of others. 😆

1. Yūgen (Japanese) - an awareness of the profound grace and subtlety of the universe.

😊 24. Iki (Japanese) - the cultivation of a sophisticated and refined life. 🤓

1. Inshallah (Arabic) - a phrase expressing the hope that God's will be done. 😐
   
2. Dépaysement (French) - the feeling of being in a foreign country, experiencing a new culture.
   

😙 27. Gezelligheid (Dutch) - a sense of coziness, warmth, and comfort in social situations. 🫨

1. Jayus (Indonesian) - a joke so poorly told and unfunny that one cannot help but laugh. 🤣
   
2. Pura vida (Spanish) - a philosophy of life emphasizing simplicity, happiness, and a positive attitude.
   

🥝 30. Sehnsucht (German) - an intense, inconsolable longing for an unattainable desire. 🐌

1. Tatemae and Honne (Japanese) - the contrast between one's true feelings and the facade presented to society.

🥳 32. Zanshin (Japanese) - a state of relaxed awareness, particularly in the face of danger.
😑 33. Mamihlapinatapai (Yaghan) - a shared look of longing and mutual desire between two people who are too shy to initiate something.
🙄 34. Að jenna (Icelandic) - to endure or withstand a difficult situation with patience and dignity.
😲 35. Gemütlichkeit (German) - the warmth and friendliness that creates a sense of belonging. 🤯

1. Wabi-sabi (Japanese) - finding beauty in imperfections, impermanence, and the natural cycle of growth and decay.

😷 37. Komorebi (Swahili) - the presence of someone leaving their fingerprints on your heart.
🤡 38. Tingo (Pascuense) - the act of gradually stealing all the possessions of a neighbor by borrowing and not returning.
🥶 39. Nunchi (Korean) - the ability to gauge others' moods and emotions and react appropriately.
😏 40. Neko-neko (Indonesian) - the feeling of wanting to experience something for the first time all over again.
😶

1. Mizpah (Hebrew) - the emotional bond between people separated by distance or death.

🌚 42. Bilita mpash (Bantu) - the national pride and sense of community felt when seeing a fellow countryman succeed.
🫡 43. Baqir (Arabic) - the profound realization of how insignificant and small one is in the grand scheme of the universe.
👽

1. Ilinx (French) - the strange excitement of wanton destruction. 👹
   
2. Vorfreude (German) - the joyful, intense anticipation that comes from imagining future pleasures. 👿
   
3. Sobremesa (Spanish) - the time spent lingering at the table after a meal, enjoying conversation and company.
   
4. Culaccino (Italian) - the mark left on a table by a cold glass.
   

🧊

1. Waldeinsamkeit (German) - the feeling of being alone in the woods and connected to nature.

🍄🪷🏞️

1. Kalsarikännit (Finnish) - the feeling of getting drunk at home, alone, in your underwear.

🎉 50. Dadirri (Australian Aboriginal) - a deep, spiritual awareness and the act of reflective and respectful listening. 🌜🌛

Edit: o7
Responding via edits is silly. Standard hyperbolic response, as I mentioned below. But I gotta address two things just so y'all aware that I can offer a rebuttal if need be. 4THOT says:

Here's the full interview with the UN Rapporteur on Violence against Women claiming she isn't aware of the rocket attacks - https://www.linkedin.com/posts/bar-shemur-8b1bb23b_the-un-rapporteur-on-violence-against-women-activity-7171212859895459841-gq6B

I don't know why he's attempting to "find" the "full interview". The linkedin video he has given here is literally the exact same video I gave in my comment. Click the hyperlink saying "the lengthier clip." They're both posted by the interviewer, Bar Shem-Ur. Mate, did you even read my original comment? If you scroll down this page (part 3), you can see I say "the segment that aired on Hazinor, Channel 13 is exactly the same." I searched for where the footage originally aired and found no additional material. 4THOT, mate, the "clip-chimp" is this 30s clip the Jerusalem Post originally posted. When I say "lengthier" clip, I am talking about the 5min segment that you had to "find" despite the fact that I already found it.

nvm this dipshit didn't find the actual interview, this is a cut from twitter

Once again, the video from Twitter I provided is the exact same video as the linkedin one. There is no entire, unedited full interview anywhere without the tiktok rapid cuts. There might be more footage out there, who knows, I've literally never claimed to have found the "full" interview. I called it a clip compilation because I don't know if more footage exits. Another baffling response. Anyways, I'll leave the rest, this is not the way to have a back-and-forth. Toodles! XD
Edit 2: Just to clarify what I was attempting to do in my comment, 4THOT still has not directly answered this question from part 3, the main post:

Do you think Alsalem holds the position that Hamas or Hezbollah have never fired rockets against Israel?

I honestly don't remember the last time I saw someone claim that Hamas has never fired rockets against Israel; this would be an astronomically fringe position. If you read the headline of the JP alone, and maybe even the article, you can still come away with the conclusion that Alsalem believes that Hamas has never fired rockets against Israel. I gave evidence of the fact that some people came away with this conclusion in the redacted comment:

Because if they've lived their entire lives unaware of the rocket attacks,

I don't believe that to be true; Alsalem has not lived her entire life unaware of the rocket attacks. We need more evidence to establish that then this interview.
Notice how I have actually quoted 4THOT verbatim down below? But for some reason, I need to provide a "direct link" to it, even though you can see it if you just scroll down the page? Baffling, like I said. "Isn't that interesting?" You're quoted verbatim mate! What do you think is "interesting" here?
4THOT you are killing me:

Here's the actual thread where you were banned.

You do realize that I've linked the thread I was banned twice? A third time as well if you want to include the moment where I linked someone else's comment in that thread. Unbelievable.
I never said the headline is "incorrect" these are the actual words I used in my direct appeal:

If the headline is poor, I might present information in the comments in order to ensure that the criticism is well-directed.

I believe that the headline could lead to a misinterpretation. I was later proven to be correct. I provided evidence of that misinterpretation in the direct appeal. And 4THOT refuses to engage with any of it. Again, these edits reply are so silly. I have no idea why he's so reluctant to have an actual exchange, but judging by how he's already responded, I get it mate. Finito once more. I gotta go get some cheese balls...

The Short Version can be found here.

Part 1 here. Part 2 here.

The Beekeeper. Bzzt:

Ah, I'm so fucked. 💀

Challenges...

This part is going to be an interesting challenge. I would say I’m walking a tightrope here, but that metaphor implies that there’s some slim chance where one can write a section like this and not get banned, um, again (and again?). The original plan was something a bit more comprehensive, where alongside another matter, I would make the case that there have been a number of pro-Palestine users that have correctly addressed misinformation on this sub, where they do a decent job of breaking circlejerks, adding some sordid nuance to threads that otherwise would have devolved into the ones laid out in Part 1 and Part 2. These users will, inevitably, have an “interaction” with 4THOT at some point; they will subsequently be banned on justifications that I obviously believe are nonsensical, where said justifications are also exhibited by 4THOT, whether in that exchange itself or in other threads; and these users are not interested in returning to the sub.
I abandoned this plan for a long litany of reasons; there’s two in particular I’ll highlight here: (1) I don't believe I can achieve the effects I desire; and (2) I'm keen to avoid any accusations of this section being some “hit-piece” or “hate-post.”
I do not intend to present arguments against any other aspect of moderation that I might find to be problematic; I do not intend to make comments on character. I am simply razor-focused on one aspect of moderation here, and one aspect of the unbanning process.

...and Goals

This part will attempt to try and have my other goal — which is shared by many other users in this sub — come into fruition: I believe users should be able to participate in this sub without needing to take into consideration what 4THOT’s personal views are on a matter.
The only things a user should be cognizant of is what are Reddit's site wide rules, including those specific to this sub; what are the subreddit rules; and what are Destiny's desires in terms of what comments and submissions are allowed here. I also believe subreddit rule 6 (rule 5 on new reddit) needs to be amended to remove the arbitrariness.
If a user comes away with a different interpretation of events than 4THOT does, and said user doesn't exhibit any other behaviour in their comment or submission that violates those stated parameters, then that user ought not to be banned.
If 4THOT’s personal opinion is something that we need to be mindful of — and Destiny approves of this notion, agreeing that opinions 4THOT alone finds to be beyond the pale warrants an immediate ban — then, unironically, that stipulation should be added to the subreddit rules.
Furthermore, as mentioned in the TL;DR, I am requesting clarification on if there’s any procedure by which you can get unbanned when 4THOT sets a condition on the unban — and whether or not he should be setting conditions on the ban. 4THOT has mentioned that "Ninou has orders to not unban certain [regards.]"
As it stands, it’s not clear if Destiny approves of this behaviour. I say this because I have not seen him comment on this aspect of moderation when it comes to the subreddit. If he already disapproves of this behaviour, then I would request that this sentiment be conveyed to 4THOT, which should hopefully reduce the likelihood this reoccurs in the future.
I'm asking that Destiny clarify here because then it's something that can be clipped, and moderators here can use that clip when, well, moderating.
One final point before I critique the bans. There’s a noticeable difference between this section on 4THOT, and his um, passionate challenge to Kelly Jean: she’s easy to avoid. Just close the stream mate! Whereas 4THOT has control over who can participate in this subreddit, Kelly Jean can't dictate who can and can't appear on stream. Mashallah. 🙏 Thus, I feel this submission has justification.

The Bullet: A Forlorn Attempt for Consistency

The second ban is infinitely more interesting, but I’ll briefly address the first 30-day ban. I am not here to relitigate this discourse. The post in question that led to the infraction was removed, but it's still available if you’re a moderator, and I won't be reposting it here. The gist of the post was a question on whether or not we should be banning people for misinformation, referencing a user who received a 90-day ban from 4THOT for posting a misquote from a mainstream Israeli news outlet, during a live translation of a speech Netanyahu was giving. I’m pretty sure 4THOT knows who i24News are, so I couldn't quite follow his thought process here.
Moreover, if you’ve gone through the examples above, then you can easily imagine my bafflement here as well, particularly because a couple days earlier a Twitter clip was posted of an individual clearly misspeaking.
The user who submitted this post was only banned for 10 days — despite doubling down on this not being a misspeak — and I was bemused by the inconsistency being applied here. Being completely consistent in terms of my own principles, I mentioned in my post that I don’t think either of them should be banned, but if this is the standard that is going to be maintained, then it would only be reasonable that some level of leniency is given if you happen to inadvertently post misinformation from a reputable news outlet.
Regarding the Netanyahu misquote, I am in full agreement with 4THOT that it is a misquote, but it is regrettable that, well, some chose to challenge him on this front, arguing that the corrected quote is functionally the same, or worse. Take note of how civil his interlocutor here is up until the point 4THOT used an insult; unwisely, his interlocutor chose to match tone. I’m only mentioning this because, despite the insults 4THOT might use against me, I have no interest in engaging in a similar style of rhetoric as I don't find it to be conducive to a productive conversation, and I’m hoping I don't have to deal with a level of vitriol here that users are sometimes not allowed to match — not that I have any interest in doing so. There’s a couple tame jokes in this post, but hopefully I don’t get a response like this:

Thank fucking God that guy died because he'd absolutely kill himself by biting off his own tongue to choke on his own blood if he ever read the obese shithead redditors backseating one of the most extreme acts of political protest any human being can ever do.
HE INTENDED TO DIE NIGHTMARISHLY YOU IDIOT THAT WAS THE POINT

Frisco, you got cooked mate 😭.

A Guardian Angel?

Now, after I was banned, another user made a post about the ban upon myself, which generated a fair amount of interest, you fucking drama frogs. Here, I simply wish to make four remarks:

• I'm sure you can see how different in tone, rhetoric, and substance OP’s post is compared to my original post (for those of you that remember reading it), and compared to this post. There are a number of insults that are frequently used against 4THOT which I don’t use as I’m looking for good-faith engagement from him. That being said, I appreciate the fact that OP wasn’t looking for a meaningful, productive exchange with 4THOT here, and thus they didn’t feel the need to temper their rhetoric.
• In the pinned comment, 4THOT uses a fair amount of hyperbole. The original post was very benign, and didn’t come anywhere close to conveying a sentiment that “this Reddit is ruined” or “4THOT is literally the IDF.” I don’t see how you can come away with this reading considering how mild the post was.
• Once more, I am not here to relitigate this, but I would have loved to address some of the criticism levelled against myself in the comments under OP’s post; I certainly wasn’t going to re-open those conversations a month later. That being said, I appreciate users like Wannabe_Sadboi for making the arguments that I, more or less, would have made had I had the opportunity to immediately respond. Just to quote one of their comments: “People shouldn’t be banned for being partisan, they should be banned only for breaking rules, and Splemndid didn’t break any rules.” But, apparently, there are rules being broken here, and it is not clear what these rules are, and whether or not Destiny approves of them.
• If the original post was problematic because it was too indirect, then hopefully this post which is significantly more direct — but kept well under the threshold of something that could be constituted as a “hate-post” — should not be a problem.

Chilling Effect. Brrr 🥶

When I was hit with the 30 day ban, I sent a direct appeal hoping the length of the ban would at least be reduced, which didn't receive a response, and neither did sending an unban request via the unban request form. No biggie. At least with a temporary ban I know when to expect to be unbanned.
After the 30 day ban, I decided to give up doing two things: (1) making attempts to get other users unbanned when I felt the justifications were not cogent or fair; and (2) participating in I-P threads that 4THOT himself had already made comments within — in particular, those where he was actively arguing with other users on the subreddit. This is a bad chilling effect; even if I see a comment they have made where they’ve made a false claim, or I disagree with their analysis or moral claims, I’m choosing not to engage because I'd rather not go through yet another cycle of bans. I value shitposting in the subreddit more than having arguments with 4THOT.
Moreover, I’m also not interested in getting caught in the crossfire when, upon finishing his Reddit debate, he bans his interlocutor from the subreddit, and also those who have made similar comments to the one his interlocutor has espoused elsewhere in the thread. He does not always do this, and I would literally never make the claim that he just “ban everyone that disagrees with [him]”. I won’t call this hyperbole as I’m sure someone has levelled this incorrect accusation against him. 4THOT is capable — and has demonstrated on myriad occasions — of being able to have dispassionate disagreements. The issue is that I’m not interested in rolling the dice here with another ban.
Thus, I decided to avoid 4THOT entirely while participating in the sub as normal, making the usual shitposts. (Y’all are welcome for the template, btw. I went frame by frame, looking for the shot of Destiny at his most euphoric.) Alas, woe is me, I made a fatal error: I can’t avoid 4THOT if I choose to comment in a thread first. Browsing new, the bane of my existence, Hobbitfollower you dastardly devil.

The Nuke: A Muddled Statement and Different Interpretations

In the trenches of new, I came across a submission which posted this version of a Jerusalem Post article. If you've read The Six Points, then you can see what I'm attempting to do in my comment, that was apparently egregious enough to warrant banning me “until Israel/Palestine is over.” Before I go over this, I’m going to once again link the comment I made on this subreddit defending Israel from the accusation that they have been siding with ISIS for years.

Consistency

I apply the exact same methodology when dispelling conspiracy theories on Israel as I do for the UN official whose comments are the subject of the post. I’m digging up the relevant primary sources; I’m searching for archived versions of articles posted on inactive websites; I’m reading multiple articles from different Israeli outlets reporting on the same speech; and I’m reading the entire transcript of the nearly hour-long speech by the head of the Israeli Military Intelligence at the time, Herzi Halevi, just so I can make an informed comment here. At no point am I ever concerned that I could be banned for this comment. I can freely talk about anti-Israel propaganda, and I know no moderator is going to bat an eye at that.
I recently watched a Hasan video because dgg taught me the art of hate-watching, and now I hate-watch dgg while they hate-watch Hasan. Early on in the video, an article headline by the Intercept is shown: “Leaked Cables Show White House Opposes Palestinian Statehood.” Ken Klippenstein appears in the byline, which immediately sets off a red flag for me because I’ve found reporting by him in the past to be absolutely dreadful, including the time when he used to work for the Grayzone, where he gave Seymour Hersh a softball interview, and allowed him to spread risible conspiracy theories. The Intercept article shown in Hasan’s video doesn't provide the cables they are reporting on, but they are available on Ken’s substack. Without going on a tangent, unsurprisingly, the Intercept’s piece on these cables misrepresents them (IMO).
Similarly, when I had a discussion with a tankie on another subreddit on whether or not the 2010 Australian Labor Party leadership spill was “a US-backed coup”, I once again seeked out all the relevant and many Wikileaks cables, read them all, and made my own assessment.

Dolls

Enough examples! You get the idea! I have a consistent principle that I am applying here. Upon opening up the JP article OP submitted, I see Danielle Greyman-Kennard in the byline. This is a person who previously wrote an article claiming that a dead Palestinian baby was a doll (which is not the first or last time this has happened in general; Pallywood amirite?). When it was brought to her attention that this is a body going through rigor mortis, she doubled-down in a patronising tweet.
Eventually, someone at the JP realized the fuck-up, and the article was retracted. There are a number of journalists and writers for Israeli outlets that seek to publish or tweet out any information that casts pro-Palestine organisations or individuals in a bad light — and that’s fine. If you’re pro-Palestine, and you’re saying or doing some dumb shit, that’s on you, not the individual that wants to report on it. However, there are biases at play here, where one must be cognizant of how these biases can filter down into how information is presented.

Direct Appeal

The following is the direct appeal I sent when I was banned which will serve as a clarification on the comment:
What up, I initially disagreed with your assessment, but upon re-reading it, now I'm unsure what our disagreement is, and what you think I was trying to address in my comment. Hopefully, the following will serve as clarification.
When I opened up the submission, I read the headline, I read the article, I watched the clip contained within, and then I sought out any additional footage from the interview that was readily available. The safe assumption I make when it comes to article submissions on reddit is that folk are generally not going to read the article, and will likely only comment based on the headline. If the headline is poor, I might present information in the comments in order to ensure that the criticism is well-directed. The headline of the Jerusalem Post article is:

UN Special Rapporteur 'unaware' of rocket attacks on Israel

If you asked the average person what they thought this headline meant, they would think the UNSR thought there had been no rocket attacks launched against Israel ever or since the start of the war. As evidence that some came away with this conclusion, you can read [redacted link] here posted on [redacted subreddit] (emphasis mine):

This can't be real right? This is a fake article right? Or a satire piece? Because if they've lived their entire lives unaware of the rocket attacks, then they have no right having anything to do with the global politics or whatever it is the UN does. That's just insane.

In other words, this individual is in disbelief, and they're astonished that Reem Alsalem, the UNSR, is completely unaware of any rocket/missile attacks that have been fired against Israel ever. Here I hope we can acknowledge two things: (1) Alsalem does believe there have been missile attacks against Israel at various points in time; and (2) most pro-Hamas sycophants aren't going to deny these missile attacks have taken place -- they want these attacks to take place. Alternatively, they might seek to diminish the destructive capability of these attacks, or assert that it is Israel's fault these attacks are occurring. It's pretty rare to come across someone claiming they've never happened, period.
My comment was made to highlight that she was really caught up in the frequency of the attacks and how she was possibly misinterpreting the question. Reem Alsalem has a wide litany of dumb beliefs that you can criticize her on; in this case, I thought the criticism would be better directed for being unaware of the frequency of attacks. The JP itself does include a line that would have better served as a headline:

[UN Special Rapporteur] unaware of the frequent rocket attacks made by Hamas and Hezbollah against Israel.

As mentioned, I was trying to ensure that commenters didn't make comments like the one I linked. Re-reading my own comment, it could have been phrased better to make sure that those who read it understood my intentions.

Further comments

The rest of the direct appeal consisted of me clearing up any misconceptions that I might be pro-Hamas, providing various links of comments that demonstrate what my beliefs are. This my attempt to "pass the litmus test" as I don't believe I'm being engaged on the merits of my argument.
Once again, as I’ve hopefully established by now, we know there can be a widespread reluctance here to sometimes read past the headline and open the article, and even the article itself might not have sufficient context to truly parse what is being said. At the time, the only additional footage available from the interview was the five minute, heavily edited clip compilation available on the interviewer’s Twitter. It is just… irritating to watch. Partly because, as I said, I have to suffer through listening to Alsalem’s asinine beliefs, but also because it’s so chopped up that I can't quite tell what’s been cut out, what statements are directly following from which questions, and so on.
Other users also had interpretations of their own to give, taking note of the fact that there may be an edit after she says "but". I actually don’t think there was anything additional said, and it’s just awkwardly edited. However, unlike with Herzi Halevi’s speech, I and everyone else watching these clips are working with scraps here, and the segment that aired on Hazinor, Channel 13 is exactly the same. There is ambiguity here; an amorphous, nebulous, incoherent jumble of statements where one can make a range of interpretations — but one of those interpretations was not permissible on the subreddit. My own of course.
I’m still baffled as to what 4THOT’s contention here is. He comments:

!cleanse nvm you're an idiot. She says she has seen "attacks" but does not specify from where or whom or when. When he specifically asks if she's seen rocket attacks that have been reported from the north from Hezbollah and South from Hamas without "every single day" and is asked about rocket attacks from those areas says she hasn't seen it.

I presume the position he holds here is that Alsalem is being sly: when she says that she has seen attacks, she is actually referring to Israeli attacks, not Hamas or Hezbollah. For further clarity, I would have asked 4THOT:

• Do you think Alsalem holds the position that Hamas or Hezbollah have never fired rockets against Israel?
• If no, do you think Alsalem holds the position that Hamas or Hezbollah have never fired rockets against Israel since the initial barrage of rocket attacks on Oct. 7th?

In his first reply to my comment, he armed me and said I was his “strongest soldier.” 😳 Must have noticed these guns 💪😎. It seems like he originally agreed with me, and I don't know what impact, if any, this had on the ultimate decision.
I remember staring at this section of the unban request form thinking, "Err, I don't know." Like you all, when I've been banned by Destiny in the past, I know what to write here. He doesn't like snark; if you're being a condescending prick, get that ass banned. I have a general understanding of what sort of comments Destiny hates in this subreddit, and thus I know how to participate in the subreddit without being on the receiving end of a ban.
Taking the recommendation of another user, I cobbled together something for the unban form, and figured I'd just try again in a month. Alas, both the form and my last exchange with 4THOT was unsuccessful, and I would not have even attempted to send an unban request form to Ninou had I known that she had "orders to not unban" certain users. While I can understand that there may be certain users whose offenses are so egregious that a ban conditional on a lengthy period of time having been passed first is warranted, I don't believe I fall in this camp.
It's often stated by both Destiny and other moderators that the "process to get unbanned is pretty easy." Conditional bans tarnish the smoothness of this process, where good-faith unban requests are rejected due to the condition set, and I don't believe this should be the case.
If Destiny could offer further clarity here, that would be appreciated by both myself and others who have had this conditional ban placed upon them.

The Litmus Test:

Scroll up all the way to the top of Part 1, and what do you notice I've done in the preamble? I’m keen to avoid guilt by association; I believe Destiny just calls this being “webbed.” In the TL;DR I specifically mention the "pro-Israel crowd"; I know what this will invoke in the minds of people reading this, the associations people will draw to other people who have made criticism against the pro-Israel crowd. Thus, I feel the need to ensure that I dissociate myself from those people. That’s why you see the statement about Hasbara and brigading; it’s me raising a giant flag screeching, “Hey, I’m not like the others, this post is different!”
Let me give a couple examples here (suffer through some more examples…you must suffer…).

Example I - An Odd Title and an Audacious Inquiry

In this submission, OP posts a Twitter video with the submission title: “Reuters video shows militants armed with assault rifles atop aid convoy trucks and shooting at palstinians [sic] approaching the trucks.” Now, no one mentioned this in the comments, so to add some clarification here: this is not Reuters reporting, this is a clip from a Reuters live stream showing a view from a tent camp in Rafah. (Specific timestamp here.) Anyone watching this stream can clip whatever noteworthy event they see and add their own statements on what has transpired. As far as I can tell, that seems to be what the original clip here from N12 news has done, and it was also posted on their website, with no additional details.
This individual (henceforth called Doc) asked some fair questions. They made mistakes, of course, such as watching the clip on mute (you silly goose); but I would agree that “shooting at palstinians [sic]” invokes an image of, well, Palestinians being riddled with bullets, and instead we get what seems to be shots fired into the air. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask that the title reflect this distinction. What’s unfortunate here is that merely attempting to get an accurate summary is enough for OP to assume the worst about them, and thus we get the rebuke: “Keep dicksucking the terrorists stealing the aid.” I’ve seen Doc’s comments before, when they say they’re an “Israel stan”, they are. But for OP, they immediately engaged in “the web”, guilt by association, etc., and that was enough to result in this petty infighting. I thought leftists were the only ones that did that?

Example II - No Steelmans Allowed

In the second example, it’s me that’s on the receiving end of the purity test. Personally, as someone who is not a leftist (see what I’ve done there?), I do think a considerable number of y’all miss the mark when it comes to criticising leftists, and I attempt to steelman their positions as I find that to be more conducive for better discourse. Feel free to disagree with the steelman, the point is that merely providing that steelman is enough for OP to assume that these are my own positions — despite clearly stating multiple times that I’m not pro-Palestine, that I support Operation Prosperity Guardian, etc. Once again I bring up that I have defended Israel from silly conspiracy theories when they mentioned “your tribe”, as that’s my attempt to pass the litmus test, demonstrating my impartiality here.

Example III - ???

I'm not sure if 4THOT engaged in a similar type of purity testing both for the initial comment I was banned for, and also in my last exchange with them on another subreddit. The exchange was pretty bizarre: I asked if they checked Reddit DMs; they replied that they do, and “our agreement stands.” In their next reply, they mentioned that they confused me with another person, and said that, “Yes, once I/P is over I will let your people go.” That phrase “your people”, is quite similar to how the OP in the previous example said “your tribe” and “your side.” This seems to be the guilt by association I spoke on: I’m being lumped in with a group whose views generally don’t align with my own. That’s why part 1 begins with an introduction on myself. I need to pass the litmus test first before I can get good engagement — and it’s unfortunate that I feel compelled to do that.

Engage in good-faith

The conclusion here is a simple one: don't assume what positions your interlocutor holds merely because they're skeptical about that framing of certain stories, or because they attempt to provide a steelman for the opposing side.

Finito for Real

What I’m looking for here is clarity. UN officials will continue to say and do stupid things; that applies to pro-Palestine people, that applies to leftists. But every now and then, upon seeing one of these submissions, I might think, “Eh, this is pretty stupid, but I think it’s stupid for slightly different reasons to everyone else.” Can I express those opinions here? Must I add a preamble to every comment so that people don’t assume the worst? Do I need to be thinking, “Hmm, I wonder what 4THOT thinks about this story?”

Free me OOOO 🐟

Thanks to everyone that offered feedback. :)

From what tribe do you hail? The tribe of LaVey!
Respect our providence or go on your way.
We bring but simple rules; eleven
to abide aside us in this earthly heaven:
Give no advice unsolicited; pearls to swine are mockeries
Burden no others with your troubles; a burden shared is a burden doubled
Respect at all times boundaries; insist the same, or consequences.
Withhold all sexual advances; outwith the heat of mating dances
Take not one thing that is not yours; matters not from rich or poor
On working a successful Magick; respect the powers or will be tragick
Do no harm to little children; those who do we find and kill them
To animals this law applies; kill only in defence or need to survive
When roaming common land to all; respect the others who play ball
Should others there come trouble thee; request they cease, or destroy utterly
So mote it be.
=+-=a =+-=b =+-=c
EDIT: by it's nature poetry is about communicating the most possible in the least possible words.
For elaboration on the word choices and reasons behind them, I offer this humble explanation:
"Yes, the word "tribe" and the entire introductory section is from Masonic ritual related to the tribe of Levi. It was not intended to be understood by those who were not aware of those things, but I dropped it in there for those who do.
Magick is typically used in Thelema, to distinguish it from stage magic, and Anton was most certainly talking about actual Magick and not stage magic.
I realise people not as familiar with Thelema, of whom Crowley was only one popular example and by no means the ultimate authority despite his proclamations to the contrary, might not be comfortable or understand the usage of the word Magick. Fine.
I was into wicca in my late teens, and SMIB or "So mote it be" is very much still a phrase we use in directing and confirming our will.
If you prefer "so it it done" which in this case doesn't rhyme, then all good.
It's a habit of mine in relation to Magick, and perhaps not entirely "Satanic", but it is something that exists that causes no harm (as advised by the Wiccan Rede) and can be effective in Magickal works for those so inclined.
"Kill" well...it rhymed. How should I have better put that little children are outside the tolerated boundaries of people you can be acceptably harmed?
Kids make mistakes just as adults do, but the consequences should be appropriate to maturity.
I will spare the child and spoil the rod regardless of the existing paradigms of society or religion or Proverbs 13:24
If you had been beaten or seen your childhood friends beaten under the mask of religion I guess you might share my sentiments somewhat, even though I do not claim they are flawless in expression."
You're welcome. ;)

A/N: Yeah, I locked tf in and revised my main work when I was posting those side stories. I went through every chapter with a fine-tooth comb and revised them to bring them up to current Cap standards. Maybe I'll do this again at some point, too.
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“Holy shit! Kryll!” Those were Ivan Kaydanovsky’s first words as he stepped off his shuttle and onto the deck of the Republic’s Claw. An honor guard of two Republic marines flanked him, clad in polished black and carrying beautiful but deadly ceremonial rifles. On another shuttle, escorted by a black-clad RDF:Intelligence officer and a much larger honor guard, Kryll Naxol stood with the powerful bearing of a Republic Auxiliary.
“Ivan!” Kryll called back, committing a minor breach of protocol to rush out and greet his old friend. They wrapped in a bear hug, nearly crushing each other with their cybernetic strength before logic and neural inhibitors prevailed. “You were assigned to the Claw?”
“Probably old man Jedik trying to keep a watch on us,” Ivan chuckled. “But all’s well that ends well, right?”
Kryll blinked a bit and cocked his head before finally agreeing. “Suppose so. You’re with the standards, right?” The standard Auxiliaries. The ones without a Vanguard to guide their training. Many former apprentices had joined them over the course of the war. Some died with their masters instead.
“Yeah, yeah, the little babies sucking on bottles. That’s me,” smiled Ivan. “You’re motherfucking special forces. Give it a few years, you’ll be taking me as an apprentice.”
“Give it a few years, and the war will be won.” Kryll spoke with pride, and something between confidence and arrogance to back it up. “I… haven’t given too much thought as to what I’ll do after that.”
“See your people?” asked Ivan. “You have to have some.” Now that he thought about it, he didn’t know much of anything about Kryll’s past. He had never asked, and his friend had never told.
“You’re my people.” Kryll looked deep in thought for a moment. “Family, too, I suppose. Everyone else is dead.” Ivan suddenly felt very foolish. “Try not to die, too, okay?” Kryll made an attempt to cut the tension. “I kind of like you.” It had evidently failed.
Ivan remembered his old platoon on Atreides. Russian conscripts, hardly the cream of the crop, but sturdy and true fighters to the last. He missed them dearly, more than he would like to admit. He knew Kryll felt the same. “We’ll have to live for them, then. Keep their memory alive.”
“They lived as heroes,” Kryll replied. “Died like heroes, too. If we do have to go, I wouldn’t mind going out like them.” Ivan felt it was better not to go out at all.
“We had better pack it,” he said. “Don’t want to be late.” And, with that, he and Kryll had separated. Ivan wondered when they would see each other again.
The Auxiliaries Ivan was to meet stood in a large and gleaming cargo bay in clean and orderly ranks, like Ivan’s last platoon had done on Iera Prime. They were all dead now. He felt grimly thankful he had never gotten to know any of them. Then he wondered if Kryll had ever felt the same.
Forty men, Ivan counted. Or women, he added, as you could never really tell in combat armor. Forty Auxiliaries, standing at attention with automatics at port arms. Ivan realized that he was the forty-first. He had yet to don his armor, a suit which he assumed was custom-made for him. Even without the wings, Ierad physiology was alien enough for the Claw’s engineers to have to specialize a design. Ivan had learned as much when his martial arts instructors had to learn Muay Thai at the SpecOps academy.
A grim-faced officer directed him toward the armory. Two imposing marines flanked it, each standing at six feet tall and built like a gorilla in their powered combat suits. Ivan could have taken them apart like tin cans if he wished.
The door hissed open. Even on a Republic ship, all bright colors and sleek curves, there were some places where beauty was a foreign thing. This, a dull gray hallway with sixty berths for powered armor, was one of them. A requisitions officer stepped out of nowhere to challenge Ivan, surprising even his enhanced reflexes, and a brief exchange of words convinced him to show Ivan to his suit.
“Echelon-class standard-issue powered combat armor,” the officer explained, referring to the hulking black thing Ivan was to wear. “Modified for your… unique… physical characteristics. The wing weapons are absent, replaced with shoulder mounts for an arsenal of your choosing.” Ivan took all this in as he was told it. “Each forearm contains a mount for another weapon, usually an autocannon combined with a blade or cutting laser.”
Ivan had seen blades in use before. Horsemen, two of them, had boarded a battleship over the planet Segmentus. Why they hadn’t drawn guns, Ivan could not say, but he remembered vividly the ease with which they had cut down the ship’s marines.
“I’ll be using this?”
“You are Republic Auxiliary Ivan Kaydanovsky, identity number 87987, assigned to Standard Cohort Twelve, are you not?” Ivan nodded. “Then you will be using this.” The requisitions man jabbed a wing at the suit’s chest, where Ivan’s identity number was emblazoned in white Terran numerals.
Ivan stepped closer to the powered armor, admiring its massive bulk. No weapons were strapped to its arms, no artillery was stowed on its back, but this inert suit of armor seemed as formidable as a Greek god in front of lowly mortal Ivan. “You do know how to put it on, yes?” Ivan was really starting to dislike this requisitions officer.
He donned the suit and ran through his diagnostic checks. He had never used a powered suit of this caliber before, but it all came naturally to him. The implants were doing their work well.
After he had gotten the feel of things, some minutes later, Ivan Kaydanovsky took his first step in Auxiliary-grade powered armor. “It’s not unusual for operators of powered combat armor of this grade to experience a rush of euphoria, usually combined with a feeling of invincibility or limitless power,” droned the requisitions man. “Are you?”
Ivan knew all of that. Ivan had the specifics of this armor drilled into him so many times that he could have given that briefing from memory even without his computer augments. “Yes,” he said, taking a thunderous step forward and testing the suit’s systems with a few practiced movements. Then, he threw a lightning-fast blow that could have put a dent in the steel wall in front of him. He stepped back in shock. “I think I am.”
“Well, that’s natural.” The requisitions officer walked toward the door, beckoning Ivan with a wing to follow. “We should have someone here in a bit to remind you that you’re fallible.” Ivan needed no reminder. He had seen the casualty statistics. In a war like this, even gods were mortal.
The door hissed open. “Is that him?” Ivan looked to see a Republic colonel with striking blue plumage standing in the massive doorway.
“Auxiliary… Kaydanovsky, identity number 78987, come with me,” the officer commanded. There was no further communication.
A short ride in a transit pod later, Ivan followed the officer through a corridor and up to a door that was flanked by marines. That was hardly unusual, guarding doors was most of what marines did, but Ivan could not help but notice this door’s security was a bit overkill. The marines eyed him uneasily, and his armor reported that it was being scanned by a battery of concealed sensors. The door in front of him looked flimsy, coated in some alien wood and decorated with gold filigree, but his scanners detected six inches of blast proof metal behind it. “Admiral Jedik’s quarters,” Ivan guessed.
The marines looked among each other. “He’s cleared. Colonel, right this way.” The door slid open, triggered by an unseen operator. The colonel ushered Ivan in.
“Holy shit, Kryll!” That was the second, and not the last, time Ivan would say such a phrase. The Russian trooper spied his friend as he walked into a small but beautiful living room, surrounded by well-placed decorations and copies of artwork from across the galaxy. Most were from Earth, and there was even a Bible on some alien furniture near the door.
“Holy-” Kryll Naxol, clad in his own set of powered armor, shut his beak just before he uttered three alien syllables that would have been improper in the present company. There was, after all, a Republic fleet admiral standing by the hologram projector. “I apologize for my friend’s vulgarity, sir.”
“Apology accepted.” Yegel Jedik, the father of the microchip that now clung tightly to Kryll’s prefrontal cortex, snapped to attention and saluted Ivan. He saluted back. “Colonel Talta, you’re dismissed. Report to the fleet bridge and continue your work on the battle plan.” Jedik was dressed for a formal occasion, a rarity in the Republic fleet, and he was holding a glass of alcohol in his left claw. That was not a rarity.
The colonel, whose name tag Ivan had never actually bothered to read, saluted and left. “Sir, if I may,” said Ivan, “Why am I here?”
“You do remember, of course, that your friend owes his position to the computer chip my surgeons installed in his brain?” Jedik asked. Ivan nodded, a gesture which the admiral had learned by now. “Good. I must confess, I’ve not been entirely truthful with you.”
“With all due respect, sir, I suspected as much,” said Ivan. “I saw your spies when I was training.”
“And you?” Jedik turned to Kryll.
“I don’t think the microchip operates the way you explained it to me. A randomized tactical generator wouldn’t have had the effect it did.”
“I’m not going to discuss military secrets with you,” Jedik snapped, ending that line of discussion. “That is need-to-know only, and neither of you need to know it. Now, listen well.” They were listening. “You, Lieutenant Naxol, are an experiment. A test subject, functionally identical to every other soldier who agreed to have that microchip installed except for one factor; you are an Auxiliary. There is one other in the galaxy like you, lieutenant, and you both are assigned to the same unit.” He pointed a wing at Ivan. “You are their control group. The three of you will be fighting together, under my personal supervision, and your performance will be instrumental in demonstrating the effectiveness of this microchip technology. Are we clear?”
They were test subjects. Guinea pigs on the front lines of a war. Ivan really hoped that Admiral Jedik knew what he was doing.
“Sir, yes, sir!” Kryll and Ivan barked in unison, responding reflexively to their superior’s request. “Perfectly clear, sir!” After that, they were dismissed. They passed ranks of armored marines, who stood like suits of armor in some ancient castle, and thought of their new task.
“Kryll,” Ivan said, to break the silence. “Things make sense, now. The spies, the gold cadre, most of it. The one thing I don’t get is why a Vanguard chose you if Jedik had already laid a claim.”
“He probably didn’t,” Kryll figured. “Or Jedik was late to claim my services. Hell, this microchip is a wonder. I could never think of things like this before.” He paused, thinking of things like this. “Do you think Jedik even knows what it does?”
“Shit, I fucking hope so!” Ivan laughed. “It’d be real shitty if you started seeing the shadow people halfway through a firefight!” Then he had to think, too. “I’d wager he has some idea, but he can’t know everything. No need for an experimental unit if he did,” he explained.
“Agreed. He probably has thousands of units like ours. Tens of thousands of test subjects.”
“It’s kind of fucked, doing that to people,” said Ivan. “I mean, he doesn’t even know what the chips really do, and he’s testing them on intelligent beings.” Kryll didn’t feel the same way. “Why not use it on mice, or monkeys, or those six-legged things that can solve a Rubik’s cube?” ‘Those six-legged things’ referred to a species of mammal on Iera Prime whose average specimen was about as intelligent as an eight-year-old child. Most of them could not solve Rubik’s cubes.
“The Alliance killed two hundred billion people,” Kryll countered. “No provocation, no prior aggression on our end, just senseless murder. If putting computers in my head helps them finally get what’s coming to them, then hook me the fuck up.” There was a harsh finality to his words that ended all discussion on that matter. Ivan did not want to press him any further.
“Who’s the third Auxiliary?” Ivan changed the subject.
“How would I know? I got told the same thing you did.”
“Yeah, I figure that’s fair.” Ivan shrugged. “We should meet him soon enough.”
They did meet him soon enough. Both of them had made their own mental preconceptions of what their new teammate would be, and both of their preconceptions were totally dashed when they finally saw it. Not he, or she, but it. It sat on a huge crate in the cargo bay they had been assembled to, covered from head to toe in a thick brown exoskeleton and holding a massive assault weapon in two of its six limbs. Two others were obviously for movement, being furthest from its ant-like head and shaped much like animal legs on Earth, and the two middle ones were clearly manipulators. They were shorter and scrawnier, but still formidably strong as appendages went. They grasped the assault rifle, the same model of weapon Ivan had seen in the armored gauntlets of Republic marines just minutes prior.
The top two appendages, positioned similarly to Ivan’s arms, were neither for grasping nor moving. They were bruisers, thick as tree trunks and covered at the ends with sharp spikes of strong chitin. They could hold something, with three digits on each limb, but any fine motor tasks were impossible.
The insect was totally naked, not even wearing armor, but no reproductive or even waste-disposal organs were visible. Ivan, being a devout Christian, was thankful for that.
It stood up as it saw him, rising to the height of fully eight feet tall and making Ivan recall all the times he had crushed insects underfoot when he was younger. The burly Russian was clad in full powered armor, seven feet tall and one thousand pounds heavy, and this monster still made him feel small. Any previous thoughts of invincibility in his armor were quickly dispelled.
“Soldier caste,” said Kryll. “It’s a Krulvuk, born and bred for war.”
“I’ve heard of them,” Ivan breathed. “Good Christ, you look different in person.”
“Why?” asked the Krulvuk. “Holographic distortion?”
“No, no, it’s just an expression,” Ivan sighed. “Never mind.”
“My apologies,” the insect chittered. “I am unfamiliar with expressions.” It crouched lower a little, bringing Ivan’s helmeted head level with its own. Two bulbous eyes, like those of a Terran housefly, stared at his metal visage. A pair of massive mandibles clicked absentmindedly. “Command castes are meant for such a purpose. I am a soldier caste.”
Ivan recalled seeing a command caste on a news broadcast, defending her actions from a crowd of incensed reporters. She, or at least the broadcast said it was a she, was the magistrate of a Krulvuk colony on the outskirts of Regime space. When a famine struck, she ordered the killing of twenty thousand of the lower castes to conserve food for the rest of the colony.
Ivan did not like the Krulvuk command caste.
“Tell me more about them,” he said, gauging whether this soldier’s feelings aligned with his own. “How do they treat you?”
“The command caste are thinkers, scholars, leaders. They are exceedingly rare. Soldiers and workers serve them.” Then it paused, mandibles clicking and claws fidgeting. “My command caste sold me to Admiral Jedik for sixty thousand units. He had no need for me.”
There was no emotion whatsoever in that insect’s modulated voice. No hint of sorrow at its betrayal or sale, like a slave on old Earth. “Like a slave?” Ivan gasped. “You’re a slave?”
“It’s a hive insect,” Kryll explained to him, not to defend the insect but to explain its alien nature. “Hardwired to serve its colony, without any regard for its own life or safety. It would kill itself if it meant the colony stayed alive.”
Ivan looked at the insect. “Would you?”
“Without question.”
“Why?” he gasped. “What the fuck do you owe them?”
“It is my biological imperative to obey and serve,” chittered the insect, “No matter the cost.” Its mandibles clicked once, a gesture that Ivan’s suit translated into realization. “Oh, my apologies. I am Vigel, formerly known as Sekvit 1,829.” The 1,829th Krulvuk to hatch from one of Sekvit’s eggs. The command caste were the only ones who could lay them. “I was named by Admiral Jedik, who I am now legally and ethically required to serve.”
“You earned a name,” Kryll congratulated Vigel. “Good job, big man.”
“Thank you,” Vigel chittered. “Low castes are genderless, for your information, but I feel no offense at the mishap. I have been informed that my species can be found quite unnerving, and I truly appreciate your support.”
Ivan certainly found its species unnerving. They were alien, truly alien, and in a very bad way. There was a reason the Alliance had taken pains to exterminate them over the course of their invasion. Regardless of how he thought of the Krulvuks, Ivan was still glad they had failed.
“Well, uh, you seem agreeable enough,” he ventured. “It’s just the command caste that I mind. The way they run things doesn’t sit right with me.” Krulvuks were a cold and utilitarian species, having earned many enemies before they stood against the hated Alliance. Before the war, the threat of a Krell Imperial or international police action kept their species in line with Coalition morality. Now, with their army sorely needed to defend frontline worlds, there were no such restrictions. The Galactic Coalition could not afford a conflict at home.
Their lower castes were instinctively conditioned to obey and defend the command caste to the death, and the latter treated their servants almost universally like expendable machines. To them, lives were a resource like any other. Soldier caste, worker caste, even fellow command castes had a value, and they all could be left to die unflinchingly if another resource was deemed more precious.
Vigel did not mind this way of life. Most others did. The Krulvuk Regime had a very short list of allies.
“Why?” asked the massive insect. “They are logical. Efficient. Calculating. Are these not admirable traits in a leader?”
“A leader should have compassion,” Kryll countered. “They should care for their people, not just see them as tools.” Vigel understood this concept, even if it did not grasp the sentiment of it. Admiral Jedik had explained it to him.
“Like the admiral,” it clicked understandingly. “Compassion is unnecessary,” it countered. “Logic dictates that, when the colony prospers, the command caste will also prosper. Thus, logically, the command caste has an incentive to make their colony prosper. No compassion is involved in that.”
No compassion was involved on Tlelaxis III, either, when a battalion of Regime troops gunned down an entire worker caste habitation sector to cull the spread of a lethal epidemic. Ivan was really growing to dislike Vigel. Kryll had already drawn that conclusion, though he was better at hiding it. “And what if I’m wounded on the battlefield, and logic dictates you leave me to die?” snapped Ivan.
“Ivan,” Kryll warned. “Let’s try to be cooperative here.”
“His concern is valid,” Vigel countered. “I assure you, I will always act in the best interests of the Republic. I would never abandon my unit unless the situation demanded it.” Ivan felt that was a fair answer, all things considered. He knew he’d shed few tears over leaving Vigel on the front. “Still,” warned the insect, “I may not refuse an order that is given to me. I am compelled to obey.”
“Any order?” asked Ivan, concern mixed with contempt in his voice. “Tell me honestly, are you a machine? Or are you a man?”
“I am neither,” said Vigel. “I am simply a killer. Born and bred.” A butcher was closer to Ivan’s description of it. “That is why I am here.”
“Damn straight!” Ivan exclaimed. “You’re a soulless, emotionless, murder machine, just like the rest of your shitty race.”
“Ivan!” snapped Kryll. “As your superior officer, I command you to be silent!” Ivan stepped back sheepishly. “You will not insult your fellow soldiers again.”
“I am not insulted,” Vigel defended him. “I find his assessment to be somewhat accurate, if in a demeaning way.”
“Which means you should be insulted,” Ivan snapped, jabbing a finger at Vigel. Kryll glared at him through his helmet. “Any normal person would.”
“Sergeant Kaydanovsky, do I need to tie your mouth shut with rope?” Ivan grew silent. After all he’d been through alongside Kryll, he had almost forgotten the bird was still his superior officer. “You will refrain from speaking in that manner about anyone in this unit, or I will have you running sixties until your legs collapse,” Kryll snapped. He could be quite intimidating if the situation called for it. “Am I clear?”
“Yes, sir,” Ivan growled, snapping to attention and saluting. “Perfectly clear, sir.”
“Good. Now, you’re dismissed.” Ivan turned and stalked out of the room. Kryll considered following him, thinking more as his friend than his commanding officer, but there was little he could do. Kryll Naxol could field-strip an automatic rifle in ten seconds flat, he could make an improvised explosive out of engine coolant and empty canteens, but he was far out of his element here.
Ivan walked out of the cargo bay in a fury, disgusted at the callousness with which Vigel treated life and the readiness with which he defended his despotic command caste. Kryll knew he was right, he felt the same way himself, but he was hopeless at convincing Ivan to hold his tongue around Vigel. Unity was what won wars, and Kryll's unit was disunified. If Ivan refused to fight alongside Vigel, or he did not place his trust in it, the unit would be destroyed. People would die.
The fleet would be at Neldia within a day. He and his men would be fighting on the ground, behind enemy lines and with only each other to rely on, within three. And, like it or not, the bond between them was fast unraveling.
Kryll knew he had to act fast, but he didn’t know what to do. The doctrine that had held true all his life had just failed right in front of him and, unless he was able to make Ivan fight down his feelings, the entire unit would be in danger.
Kryll Naxol did not know how to succeed, but he very much knew he was failing. Part of him believed that he already had.
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My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. We’re committed to the relationship and have expressed wanting a future together, including children.
A couple of months ago we had found out that she was pregnant. We were both excited with the news. Fast forward a month to our first ultrasound and we found out she was pregnant with twins, however, both children were dead and the miscarriage followed about two weeks afterward. This was a heavy hit to us. Even though it was early in the relationship, it was a welcomed pregnancy. She even got engraved rings with the names of our would-be children and wears them daily.
Since then we have cried over it frequently and are constantly reminded of the children we lost as her sister is pregnant and entering her third trimester.
With Mother’s Day coming, I was wondering if she would feel left out by me not recognizing her as a mother. I tell her often that she will always be the mother of my children, even if they’re no longer with us.
Would it be inappropriate, insensitive or otherwise a bad idea to recognize her for Mother’s Day?
edit: it may be worth mentioning that neither of us have children other than our two that passed.
additionally, I have bought Mother’s Day gifts for her mother and mine.
Update: Thank you to everyone for the kind sentiments and advice. I read every comment and decided to buy flowers, a small gift and some of her favorite snacks.
I told her last night that I know she’s still hurting but I recognize her as the mother to our first children and if she would like me to give her the gifts I had gotten her. I told her that if she doesn’t want them I wouldn’t take offense and I can understand she’s still hurting.
She cried and told me she’s glad I haven’t forgotten them since I don’t mention them often and would appreciate the gifts. I really try not to bring up the topic so I don‘t hurt her by the mentioning of them, but I do think about them every day.
Thank you again to everyone for your kindness and thoughtfulness.

In a conversation I was having with a friend here in Brazil, I used the word 'tosco' to define Star Wars II. "Tosco" has a meaning in Portuguese that, by itself, synthesizes much of the sentiment that, I believe, the community has with this movie. In the translator, "tosco" would be the same as "rough" in English. Consider, I am not a native speaker of the English language, and I may miss some cultural nuances that the word may have.
Having or not being sure of this, I will try to define "Tosco" here, in the sentimental sense of the word, to make a bridge with the feeling I had the last time I saw Star Wars II (yesterday).
"Tosco" is defined in the Portuguese dictionary as something done clumsily, done without refinement, without care. It can be related to "grosseiro" (which for me would be the closest translation to "rough"/"rude" in an English-Portuguese sense), however, the way the word is usually used seems to abandon the "rude" sense.
Explanation: the "grosseiro" seems to be much more linked to disrespect, in an affronting way. Han Solo, for example, practices some "rudeness," lack of manners, lack of education. However, Han Solo could not be defined as 'tosco,' because many characteristics put him in a different sense. The style, the elegance, the mannerisms, the maturity...
Got it?
Anyway, it seems that 'Tosco' denotes something much closer to 'something out of...', not usual, not in the fashionista or eccentric sense, but something almost dull, almost worthy of pity.
Episode two brings me that vibe.
The romance arc between Anakin and Padmé is one of the most 'tosco' things I've ever seen. It's so bad that if you look stoned or drunk, the whole thing becomes kind of comedic, in the sense of 'it can't be possible that these guys managed to go through all this dialogue without laughing.'
What is that declaration of love from Anakin to Padmé?
Come on. The 'sand' monologue:
'I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything's soft... and smooth...'
Then the whole thing becomes a kind of pickup line where Anakin starts touching Padmé's skin (all super badly acted, also because the script is crap) and the direction is desperately trying to scream 'THIS IS SEXUAL TENSION.'
But the worst of all, that I found myself spontaneously looking at the scene while hiding behind a pillow, such was the nastiness of the love declaration made by Anakin.
'From the moment I met you, all those years ago, a day hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm close to you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you makes my stomach turn over - my mouth goes dry. I feel dizzy. I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the kiss you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me. What can I do? I will do anything you ask...'
Guys, like, 'I'm haunted by the kiss you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar.' It's a very 'tosca' phrase.
My feeling of discomfort while watching this scene was physical, there's no way, such was the lack of talent and chemistry of the actors.
It's like this whole part of the movie was done with a vibe of a mediocre college audiovisual student trying to make cinema within a millionaire production. It's kind of "tosco".
The end of the movie is cool.
Peace

Richard Osman a UK TV producer recently discussed this on a podcast but I unfortunately can't find the clip. In it he discusses with other industry insiders the inner workings of uk TV including this disclaimer. Now I may not be remembering theis exactly right.
"This is a true story" the writer is directly telling an autobiographical story with the sign of and permission of the people involved.
"Based on a true story" the story is written by someone involved with names or location changed.
"Based on true events" most of this can be corroborated by media or press but some scenes are imagined for narrative purposes.
Although this isn't a hard and fast rule and diffrent phrases may be used how direct the phrasinging is indicates the level of "authenticity" of truthfulness of the story telling. I did find an article written by a difrent producer which also sums up the same sentiment.
" “Inspired by” means that it’s based on a real-life event, but that a lot of the characters and scenes surrounding it are fictionalized. You may want to use “inspired by” if you’ve changed the story so much that it’s basically just an essence of the original story. “Based on a true story” is more of an accurate accounting of the story, though there’s probably some dramatic license taken. “Based on firsthand accounts” of actual events is a story told about the same event from a variety of people. Because everyone’s perspective can be different, you hope you can get to the truth by listening to them all and putting it together in the way you think it might have occurred. "
Source.. https://www.filmindependent.org/blog/avoiding-the-pitfalls-of-adapting-stories-based-on-real-life-with-rona-edwards/#:~:text=%E2%80%9CBased%20on%20a%20true%20story%E2%80%9D%20is%20more%20of%20an%20accurate,from%20a%20variety%20of%20people.
Just incase anyone was interested as I happen to watch the clip of them talking about this recently.

Hi, Dad.
We didn't have a great relationship when you were alive. You left my sister and me before we were teenagers to go live with your girlfriend in another state. She was only a decade older than me. I only visited you once while you were there, and your girlfriend made me sleep on the floor - she didn't even offer me the couch. That was the last time I saw you alive. I was only 15. Grandma tried to get you to reach out to me, but your only response to her was that you hoped my sister and I would just forget about you and move on with our lives.
About a year ago you had a stroke. Your girlfriend called me a couple weeks later, while you were still in the hospital. She informed me of what happened and then put me in contact with your doctors. I guess they had realized that you had never remarried, making me the only person who could sign off on medical treatments as your next of kin. I followed whatever directions your girlfriend gave me; while you never married her, you were with her for close to two decades and I wanted to respect your relationship with her.
You took a turn for the worse and were placed on life support. I had to travel to your state to sign-off on removing you from the machines keeping you alive. You looked so different from when I saw you last that I didn't even recognize you. Your black hair had turned entirely gray and the beard you had been growing since before I was born had been shaved off so that you could be intubated.
Your girlfriend was there. She accommodated my presence, but was not happy that I was the one who needed to have the final say on whether you could be removed from life support. She treated me like an outsider. I was the only person in the room who was blood related, and yet everyone, from your girlfriend to your friends, acted as though I was an intruder.
Mom came to the hospital to support me. Everyone treated her worse than they treated me, which I wasn't sure was possible. She stayed with me as I listened to the doctors inform me that you had no measurable brain activity and, even if you were somehow able to regain consciousness, your kidneys were rapidly failing. Even life support would not be sufficient to keep you alive beyond a few weeks. After this, the doctors gave me space. Your girlfriend left the room. I yelled at you. You couldn't hear me, but it was the last time I would have the opportunity to get everything off my chest that I had been holding in since I was a child. I told you how I forgive you, but the pain of you choosing to live another life - one that I was not a part of - forever shaped me.
The nurses heard me. They let me know that, as your next of kin, I could sign the papers and exclude everyone from re-entering if I needed peace. Your girlfriend had told them all that you were married, so the fact that she was not the one who had medical decision-making power took them by surprise. They informed me of my rights as your next of kin. I told them I understood, but that I had no intention to cause drama on your literal deathbed by excluding the people you chose over me. I didn't use that exact phrase, of course, but I wanted to. I asked them to bring me the papers needed to remove you from life support. Once they brought the papers, I then asked to transfer my power to your girlfriend by making her a somewhat de facto power of attorney.
Once you were removed from the machines, we all stayed with you into the early hours of the morning. Your girlfriend attempted to squeeze Mom and I out of the room through turning down the thermostat minimizing whatever space was available next to your hospital bed. You "woke up" once. You looked around and stared at Mom - your girlfriend might as well have not existed. I know the doctors said you were brain dead, but I could swear that, in that moment, you were alive. You held yourself as I remembered and made the same facial expressions I hadn't seen in years. I recognized you. Your eyes never left Mom until you fell asleep. You never woke up.
The next day, your girlfriend allowed Mom and me to come to her house. You had a giant pocketwatch collection that you had been curating since the earliest days of your marriage to Mom. I found the photo albums you kept. They all contained photos of me. Your girlfriend allowed me to take a single pocketwatch and I had to beg her to let go of a single album - the one with my baby photos in it. She told me how she planned on filling the watches with resin and then mixing your ashes in with them. I suggested that she should at least donate the collection to a local museum to preserve their history, as most of your watches were over 150 years old. She said she would think about it.
I travelled home in a nearly catatonic state. The only thing that snapped me back to reality were the posts your girlfriend made on Facebook. I don't know if she remembered we were connected on there. I would like to think that she had forgotten, otherwise her posts would have been inhumanely cruel. She talked about how she was the one at your bedside in the end. She posted dozens of photos of you and her together, both before and after you had left the state. As I flipped through them, I watched your hair turn grey and wrinkles develop on your face. I saw the little moments of your life that you never wanted me to be a part of - after all, you told Grandma you wanted me to forget you. I read the comments underneath which talked about how you and her were soulmates, and how she was your family. I don't think any of the commenters were even aware you had two daughters.
You had a will you created while you and Mom were still together. You left everything to me. You never made a new one, even after you moved away. I know that for sure because your girlfriend tore apart her house looking for a superseding will that would prevent me from inheriting everything.
Mom hired a lawyer to represent your estate. He was clear with her that, while she paid the fee, he was *your* lawyer and would be representing your wishes as best he could. He let me know that I had a right to everything, even the property you technically shared with your girlfriend. Because you had not married her, all your property interests transferred to me. I informed him that the only thing I wanted was your watch collection. Your bank accounts, books, property, and everything else could remain with your girlfriend - even the photo albums containing pictures of just you and me. You had taught me everything you knew about pocket watches using that collection, long before you had even met your girlfriend. They were sentimental to me, and I didn't trust your girlfriend to respect them long term. She had already wanted to fill them with resin, after all. She was barely even 40, too, and I doubted she would remain single for the rest of her life. What would happen to the watches after she started dating again? Would whoever came next in her life be ok with holding on to a priceless collection that belonged to an ex?
Your estate lawyer said that taking possession of the watches would be no issue. They were legally mine, and only a fraction of what I was entitled to inherit from you. Because your girlfriend had already threatened to destroy them by filling them with resin and your ashes, your lawyer filed a motion to have her immediately turn over possession of the watches to him until he could receive approval to release them into my possession. Your girlfriend hired her own lawyer, I'm guessing to prevent this, but was forced to relinquish them in the end. They are now sitting in my living room as I work on finding a watch repair person who specializes in century-old Elgin watches.
Your girlfriend has since continued to post on Facebook about you and your life with her, although those have fizzled out recently now that she has begun dating again. I imagine she will post something incredibly hurtful in a few months when the anniversary of your death comes around, but I plan on blocking her now that your collection is safely with me. Grandma is holding a family reunion this weekend, but I was not invited. I'm guessing that she took your girlfriend's side in the watch debate, based on what she has told my aunts. That really hurts.
I guess the reunion is why I am finally asking you for help. I already lost you and any hope of ever building a real relationship with you. I don't want to lose your parents and siblings, too. I'm really struggling with the finality of your death and all the fallout that has happened since. Maybe I shouldn't have fought for the watches, and should have just let your girlfriend have everything. She was your chosen family - I was just the family you were forced to be related to even when you no longer wanted me.

Hello!
I am thinking of getting a tattoo of a coiling Midgard serpent with an inscription which roughly translates to “eternal return” or something which pays homage to the circle of life. Is there a translation for this, or perhaps an existing younger futhark phrase which expresses this sentiment?
Thanks!

Projection is a psychological phenomenon where feelings directed towards the self are displaced towards other people.
The Pulitzer Prize winner is definitely spiralin
The famous actor we once knew is lookin' paranoid, and now spiralin
I know you are, but what am I? (rhetorical question, colloquial, childish) Assertion that an insult made by the party to whom the phrase is directed is actually true of that party, and not of the person using the phrase. Usually considered to be a playground taunt.)
I got your fuckin' lines tapped, I swear that I'm dialed in
Why calculate you, not as calculated, I can even predict your angles.
I know you are, but what am I?
First I was a rat, so where's the proof of the trial then; 1090 Jake woulda took all the walls down; The streets woulda had me hidin' out in a small town
A fallacy is a kind of error in reasoning.
The one's that you're gettin' your stories from, they all clowns
We plotted for a week and then we fed you the information
I am a war general, season in preparation
Tampering (a broad concept that covers any action that conceals a crime)
Preparation H (medication used to temporarily relieve swelling, burning, pain, and itching caused by hemorrhoids)
Cover-up ([1] Initial response to allegation: Flat denial, Convince the media to bury the story, Preemptively distribute false information, Claim that the "problem" is minimal, Claim faulty memory, Claim the accusations are half-truths, Claim the critic has no proof, Attack the critic's motive, Attack the critic's characters; [2] Withhold or tamper with evidence: Prevent the discovery of evidence, Destroy or alter the evidence, Make discovery of evidence difficult, Create misleading names of individuals and companies to hide funding, Lie or commit perjury; [3] Bribe or Intimidate: Use biased evidence as a defense: Claim that the critic's evidence is biased, Bribe or buy out the critic; [4] Publicity Management: Secretly plant stories in the press, Attack the motives of the press; [5] Damage control: Claim no knowledge of wrongdoing: Scapegoats (blame an underling for unauthorized action): [6] Reward cover-up participants)
My jacket is covered in medals, honor and decoration
Notches on someone's bedpost (someone that a person has sex with, not because they want a serious relationship, but because they want to have sex with as many people as possible)
You waited for this moment, overcome with the desperation
Since Like That, your tone changed a little, you not as enthused; How are you not in the booth? It feel like you kinda removed; You tryna let this shit die down, nah, nah, nah; Not this time, … you followin' through; I guess you need another week to figure out how to improve; What the fuck is taking so long? We waitin' on you
We plotted for a week and then we fed you the information
The one's that you're gettin' your stories from, they all clowns
But you so thirsty, you not concerned with investigation; You gotta learn to fact-check things and be less impatient
Wait a second, that's that one record where you say you got molested
What the fuck is taking so long? We waitin' on you
You dumb and reactive …, I'm petty with dedication
Mind you, I never once said he’s a bad guy (or) I don’t like him. I think he’s a fucking genius in his own right ….
You haven’t seen the kids in sixth months, the distance is wild
Though Adonis was born on October 11, 2017, it wasn't until May of the following year that the world learned of his existence, and not until late June of 2018 that the "Child's Play" singer confirmed he was his father.
This Epstein angle was the shit I expected; TikTok videos you collected and dissected
evidence (something that furnishes proof)
This is trauma for your own confessions
irony (a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result)
This when your father leave you home alone with no protection, so neglected; But you never known affection
Though Adonis was born on October 11, 2017, it wasn't until May of the following year that the world learned of his existence, and not until late June of 2018 that the "Child's Play" singer confirmed he was his father.
I get lonely too.
Drake's parents divorced when he was five years old. After the divorce, he and his mother remained in Toronto; his father returned to Memphis, where he was incarcerated for a number of years on drug-related charges.
I'm too respected; If I was fucking young girls, I promise I'da been done arrested; I'm way too famous for this shit you just suggested, but that's not the lesson, clearly, there's a deeper message
https://www.ranker.com/list/famous-people-charged-with-sex-crimes/celebrity-lists
Deep cuts that never healed, and now they got infected
Where it became an issue is that I was rolling out an album while that verse was still bubbling, so my album rollout became about this thing. What am I supposed to say? Nah, we’ll be buddy-buddy?" Drake asked.
But you a piece of shit, so this shit really no coincidence
Mind you, I never once said he’s a bad guy (or) I don’t like him. I think he’s a fucking genius in his own right ….
Drake is not a name that you gon' see on no sex offender list, easy does it
Aubrey Graham
Only fuckin' with Whitney's, not Millie Bobby Brown's, I'd never look twice at no teenager
https://youtu.be/cJxyLDjFFTA?si=DkF9yI3Lk4f7Az8c
I'm a fuckin' hitmaker dog, not a peacemaker
During a live interview in New York with RapRadar, Drake acknowledged that while Lamar's lyrics were undoubtedly a "moment to talk about," the duo had a friendly interaction at the MTV VMAs not long after, according to Today. “I saw him five days later at the VMAs, and it was all love,” Drake said.
Stop buying views and bot comments; I give a fuck about your streaming data
Kendrick Lamar has never been particularly active on social media, and in a new interview with the New York Times, he explains why. “My social media, most of the time, is completely off,” he said in the feature.
Kendrick recently explained his lack of presence on social media in a new interview with Citizen magazine. He admitted that he really just doesn’t know how to use it.
”People ask me, ‘Man, you’ve never been on social media, you really hate it?’ Bro, I don’t really know how to use it like that to be 100% real with you,” Kendrick said. “I got friends, family, my team, they send me things, so I got good sentiments on what’s going on.”
The age of constant connection to smartphones has made self-promotion a 24-hour task for celebrities, but Grammy-award winning rapper Drake uses technology as an aid to his success.
”Champagnepapi” is the 37th most followed person in the world on Instagram and ranks second among all rappers behind Nicki Minaj, according to Social Blade. Whether it’s a candid photo of him with his mother or a video of him shooting hoops with his friends, Aubrey Graham isn’t afraid to show his audience the real him via social apps. There is even an app, “Drake Shake,” dedicated to adding Drake into your own photos. Rather than responding in rage to these Photoshopped pictures and memes, he embraces them and even posts them on his own accounts sometimes. His lyrics are also fan favorites for Instagram photo captions because of his widespread appeal.
Last summer, Drake dove even deeper into the tech world when he introduced an interactive app for his “Drake vs. Lil Wayne” tour. The arcade-inspired mobile app let’s users rapidly tap the screen in order to “power-up” either Lil Wayne or Drake and determine which artist will open the night’s performance.
Drake separates himself from the competition by creating a unique and personal experience for his supporters, a methodology used by many tech companies today. Instead of sticking to old marketing habits, Drake embraces the new platforms available to artists to grow their influence. His talent is unquestioned but, let’s face it, Drake’s ascent to stardom wouldn’t have been as rapid if the music was all he had.
A tweet from his counterpart Kendrick Lamar is rare. Hip-hop star J. Cole chooses not to document his life on Instagram. But Drake doesn’t hesitate to use social media and technology the same way his fans do every day.
Behind all of his musical gifts there is a marketing mastermind. In his song “6PM in New York” Drake says, “If me and Future hadn’t made it rapping, we’d probably be out in Silicon (Valley) trying to get our billions on.” His track record proves he isn’t bluffing.
Said if they deleted his music and your music is going, too, a hypocrite
hypocrisy (the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one's own behavior does not conform)
irony (a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result)
Album dropping soon, no wonder you turn to clout chaser instead of doing hard labor
Clout chaser is a critical term for a person who is thought to be intent on attaining fame, especially one who tries to do so in ways considered desperate, such as leveraging their proximity to famous people or doing things considered foolish, degrading, or dangerous.

As the school year winds down, I've seen a lot of posts on several teaching subreddits that essentially have the same sentiment: teachers don't want to renew their contract next year, but aren't sure if it's the right move. While the only person who can truly decide what is right for you is yourself, I just want to share my own personal experience in leaving teaching.
1. How did I quit? I started by calling my union and asking about the contract requirements for quitting. I cannot stress this step enough. Many teachers are afraid of repurcussions like license suspension or even being sued by their school. If you don't have a union, call your HR department and ask them. Follow the steps needed. For me, I had to give a two-weeks notice to my HR department in writing.
2. How did I break it to my admin/team? While ultimately you owe these people nothing (except of course where otherwise required), I did try to leave as few bridges burned as possible. I quit in October, which I knew was putting the team in a rough position, and felt I at least owed it to them to let them know. I sent an email to my admin and team members simply stating that I was resigning, my last day that I'd be working, and assurance that I would continue to do what was needed of me up until that last day.
3. How did I transition to a new job? For a few months, I didn't. I had a decent amount of savings and decided I would take the job hunt seriously after the holidays. I spent October finishing my masters, then November and December traveling, enjoying the company of my friends and family, and reconnecting with my hobbies. I applied to jobs during that time but allowed myself to not feel pressured to find something quickly. I wanted to be sure that the next job I took would be an okay, if not perfect, fit.
Come the new year, I really locked in. I made it my full-time job to job hunt. I'd brew a pot of coffee and apply to various postings for about 6 hours a day. For every single job, I tweaked my resume to include key words from the job post. I had a cover letter template that I could change as needed, too. I did not use AI to write my resume or my cover letter because I had noticed some repeat phrases in writing that totally gave away an AI authorship, and I thought job recruiters would eventually learn to see them, too.
By March, I had a job.
4. What job did I end up getting? I did not say yes to the first job that was offered to me. Like many former teachers, I applied to many curriculum writing and/or instructional support roles, and did turn two down, one because I didn't think the company was a good fit and the other because I didn't think I'd like the day-to-day duties of the job.
When I did accept a job offer, it was to work as the director of a tutoring franchise. Throughout the entire interview process I was treated with respect by the owner of the franchise and felt that the duties and responsibilities would mesh well with my personality. I still get to work with kids sometimes, but I also get to have experience on the business side.
5. Did I take a pay cut? I did take a slight pay cut. However, I earn a bonus that puts me pretty close to what I made as a teacher, and there's no ceiling. So instead of stressing year-to-year over whether or not my gutted union would secure a 1.5% pay raise that in effect means I would make less each year, I can now make more money as I continue to be successful. No benefits, though. I am not married nor do I have children, and I'm in fairly good health, so I pay for insurance out of pocket at a rate that's only $50 more than what was taken out of my paycheck as a teacher. I maintain a private retirement savings account. I'll never see any of the state pension I paid into while I was teaching, but I'll be honest, I think by the time I would had retired I never would've seen any of that money anyway with the way they keep cutting benefits.
6. Are other jobs really that much better than teaching? I'm sure there are plenty of shitty jobs out there, but there are also a lot that are amazing. Even with my pay cut, I love my new job. I am never micromanaged and my success is not dependent on factors outside of my control. I get an uninterrupted lunch, I use the bathroom as much as I want, and I am treated like the adult I am. I'm never overstimulated the way I was while teaching. Never underestimate how valuable quiet work time can be.
7. Do I miss the time off? Hell no. Let's be real; those breaks were never "time off." They were mercy recovery periods. Spending 10 months of the year waiting for the breaks only to sleep through them in the first half and dread going back in the second half is not a break at all. I genuinely enjoy my current job and therefore don't get the Sunday/September scaries anymore.
8. Do I miss teaching? There are moments where I miss that special relationship I had with the kids, yes. In my short time as a teacher, I know that I was that teacher for a lot of kids, the one they'll never forget. A few still email me occassionally. But now that I'm out of the woods and not dealing with any negative experiences, it makes me appreciate the positive ones I had more. Even though I won't have those kinds of experiences again, it doesn't change the ones I've already had. I do miss having an excuse to rap along to StoryBots, though.
9. What are some benefits of quitting that people don't often talk about? Your health will improve, and I don't just mean your mental health. My sleep schedule is now regular, my hair is healthy and shiny, my skin is clear, and I Iost 10 lbs. I don't get hit with as many colds, either. My social life is also a lot more stable.
10. Any other advice? Just remember that if you quit teaching and do end up regretting it, you can always go back. You may have to wait a year depending on your district's rules, but we all know there will always be openings once that waiting period is up.
I know my experience may be irrelevant to most, but I hope this helps even one teacher who may be on the fence. I'm happy to answer any questions.

Hello!
I am thinking of getting a tattoo of a coiling Midgard serpent with an inscription which roughly translates to “eternal return” or something which pays homage to the circle of life. Is there a translation for this, or perhaps an existing younger futhark phrase which expresses this sentiment?
Thanks!