I just completed my 90 day challenge on carnivore and I’m so proud of myself! I have every intention to keep going and to work toward carnivore-ing even harder. I’m currently F/33/5’11/237 pounds. Postpartum, breastfeeding and working full time.
During my challenge I consumed mostly beef, butter, eggs, cheese, yogurt/kefir, cream and other meats/seafood with an occasional homemade lactofermented pickle, avocado, herbs and garlic/onion as seasoning. I drink black coffee, iced unsweetened tea and unsweetened seltzers in addition to plenty of plain water. Very limited fasting outside of skipping breakfast most work days. I had zero cheats outside of the allowances listed.
So far, my approach has led to these improvements:

• Lost 27 pounds (0.25 lb/day after initial water weight loss) without tracking calories or macros.
  
• Vastly improved hungesatiety signals. I have a 25 year history with binge eating and the urges to binge are improved by at least 80%.
  
• I truly enjoy my meals and I feel so energized and nourished! Even after my overnight fasts I wake up feeling satisfied, alert and calm.
  
• Mental health improvements - mental stamina is improved. I have baseline anxiety and it has greatly calmed.
  
• Sleep - I have an infant, so sleep is not guaranteed. However, I feel consistently well rested. Oura ring shows strong recovery scores.
  
• Pain - I have back/neck pain and plantar fasciitis. Episodes of pain are greatly reduced. I feel continued weight loss will help minimize even more.
  

TL;DR Carnivore-ish is working for me and I couldn’t be happier.

DAY: MAY 13, 2024

• 5-13-2024BIKING REVEALED TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH LESS KNEE PAIN LATER IN LIFE A study reveals that people who participated in regular bicycling over their lifetime had a lower prevalence of frequent knee pain, radiographic osteoarthritis (ROA) and symptomatic radiographic osteoarthritis (SOA). Rheumatologists often encourage regular physical activity for the prevention of osteoarthritis, the most common form of arthritis. However, some exercises are more effective than others.
• 5-13-2024STRESSFUL LIFE EVENTS CAN INCREASE YOUR RISK OF ALZHEIMER’S Stressful life events, such as the death of a loved one or divorce, put a person at greater risk of developing dementia in later life, a recent study has found. But only if the stressful event happened in childhood or midlife. The study included 1,290 people at increased risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease. The researchers looked at 18 stressful life events and when in people’s lives they happened.
• 5-13-2024TIPS FOR LOWERING STROKE RISK May is National Stroke Awareness Month, and as part of everyday awareness, Mayo Clinic health care professionals suggest reducing stroke risk and knowing the signs. A stroke happens every 40 seconds in the U.S., and the likelihood of stroke increases with age, according to the National Institutes of Health. Preventing a stroke is a crucial aspect of health care, as about 80% of all strokes are preventable. The focus is on managing risk factors to reduce the long-term risk of stroke.
• 5-13-2024IT’S TIME TO USE TIKTOK TO TALK TO YOUNG PEOPLE ABOUT OBESITY, SAYS RESEARCHER There is an urgent need to harness the potential of TikTok and other social media channels to provide scientific information about obesity to young people in engaging and accessible way . The popularity and broad reach of such platforms provides the opportunity to reach diverse audiences, including teenagers and young adults, explains lead researcher Dr. Antonella Franceschelli, of Unicamillus International Medical University, Rome, Italy.
• 5-13-2024WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER TAKE NUTRITION ADVICE FROM A CENTENARIAN It’s a cliche of reporting on people who reach 100 years of age, or even 110, to ask them some variation of the question: “What did you do to live this long?” Inevitably, some interesting and unexpected answer is highlighted. Fish and chips every Friday. Drinking a glass of strong liquor every day. Bacon for breakfast every morning. Wine and chocolate. While a popular news story, this is a relatively meaningless question that doesn’t help us understand why certain people have lived so long.
• 5-13-2024JUNK FOOD MARKETING ON VIDEOGAME LIVESTREAMING PLATFORMS INCREASES PURCHASES AND CONSUMPTION AMONG TEENS, STUDY FINDS Food and drink advertisements on videogame livestreaming platforms (VGLSPs) like Twitch are associated with more positive attitudes towards, and purchases and intake of, unhealthy foods that are high in fat, salt and/or sugar (HFSS) like energy drinks among adolescents aged 18 or younger. The concerning findings prompt researchers to call for stronger regulations on digital marketing of unhealthy foods to young people on these platforms, where there is currently no effective regulation
• 5-13-2024HIGHER BLOOD SUGAR LEVEL AT GESTATIONAL DIABETES DIAGNOSIS LINKED TO HARMFUL OUTCOMES FOR MOTHERS AND BABIES The higher the blood sugar level in pregnant women when first diagnosed with diabetes, the higher the risk of complications around and after birth
• 5-13-2024ASKING ADULTS WITH OBESITY ABOUT THEIR WEIGHT DURING CHILDHOOD COULD HELP DETERMINE THEIR MORTALITY RISK Being asked whether you considered yourself a normal weight, plumper or thinner as a child when attending a doctor’s appointment as an adult might appear like a very strange question to ask, but new research suggests that such questions can help identify increased mortality risk in adults living with obesity.
• 5-13-2024ENERGY DRINKS CAN LEAD TO SERIOUS HEART ISSUES IN KIDS AND TEENS, HEALTH EXPERTS SAY Hennessy Sepulveda thought she was going to die. “I began dissociating as I was driving. I was 10 minutes away from my house. My vision started warping and the lights were hitting me really bright,” she said. “I felt my chest pounding, I felt a wave of panic hit me—I knew something was wrong.” Sepulveda, a Florida International University student who was 19 at the time, was admitted to the hospital, and was surprised by the cause of her symptoms
• 5-13-2024A BLOOD TEST TO HELP DETECT LUNG CANCER? NEW TEST OFFERED AT 18 LOCATIONS Julie Harris had never been tested for lung cancer. A low-dose CT scan, the only recommended screening for adults at risk of developing lung cancer, was not something she’d ever found time to do. But when her primary care doctor recently suggested a new blood test to help look for signs of the disease, Harris was intrigued. She had her blood drawn the same day, in the same building as her doctor’s appointment.
• 5-13-2024STUDY SHOWS EXERCISING SLOWS OUR PERCEPTION OF TIME results of a new study show for the first time that individuals tend to experience time as moving slower when they are exercising compared to when they are resting or after completing their exercise.
• 5-13-2024BREAKTHROUGH THERAPIES ARE SAVING LIVES, BUT CAN WE AFFORD THEM? Harnessing the body’s own cells to fight disease, long a medical dream, is finally a reality. Now comes the bill. Last month, Stanford became the first hospital in the nation to use a new $515,000 cell therapy to treat a patient with advanced melanoma. A related approach, costing $420,000 to $475,000, is offering hope to patients with lethal blood cancers. Meanwhile, cells fixed by gene therapy can slow, even stop, the progression of intractable diseases like sickle cell or beta thalassemia—
• 5-13-2024RESEARCH FINDS DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME SPELLS BAD NEWS FOR HEALTHY HABITS
• 5-13-2024HOW READING HELPS YOUNG CHILDREN LEARN ABOUT THE CONCEPT OF PAIN
• 5-13-2024HEART FAILURE PATIENTS WHO DO YOGA HAVE STRONGER HEARTS AND CAN BE MORE ACTIVE, RESEARCH SUGGESTS
• 5-13-2024ITALIAN STUDY FINDS EVIDENCE OF BODY DYSMORPHIA IN PROFILE PICTURES OF PEOPLE LIVING WITH OBESITY
• 5-13-2024UNDERSTANDING AND PREVENTING BLADDER CANCER
• 5-13-2024OUR BRAINS TRICK US INTO THINKING CONSCIOUSNESS CAN RESIDE OUTSIDE THE BODY, RESEARCH ARGUES
• 5-13-2024YOGA SHOWS ‘MOST IMPROVEMENT’ IN RESTORING BRAIN HEALTH IN LONG-TERM CANCER SURVIVORS, RESEARCHER SAYS
• 5-13-2024DISTURBING NEW TRENDS ARE DRIVING UP THE NUMBERS
• 5-13-2024SUPPORTING WEIGHT-LOSS MEDICATIONS WITH ADEQUATE, TAILORED NUTRITION
• 5-13-2024WHAT HAPPENS INSIDE A SLEEPWALKER’S BRAIN?
• 5-13-2024COMING OFF OZEMPIC SLOWLY COULD PREVENT WEIGHT GAIN, STUDY SHOWS
• 5-13-2024STUDY SHOWS ALARMING RISE OF ELECTRONIC VAPING USE IN US ADOLESCENTS
• 5-13-2024UK SURVEY FINDS ‘DISGUST FACTOR’ NEEDS TO BE OVERCOME IF EATING INSECTS IS TO BECOME TRULY MAINSTREAM
• 5-13-2024SEMAGLUTIDE CAN YIELD WEIGHT LOSS, LOWER HEART ISSUES FOR AT LEAST FOUR YEARS IN NON-DIABETIC ADULTS WITH OVERWEIGHT
• 5-13-2024BETTER NUTRITION CAN HELP FIREFIGHTERS FIGHT CANCER
• 5-13-2024EXPLORING THE BIOLOGICAL BASIS FOR RESILIENCE
• 5-13-2024REMOTE HEART FAILURE MONITORING DEVICE COULD PREVENT HOSPITALIZATIONS
• 5-13-2024IDENTICAL ODORS SEEM DIFFERENT WHEN GIVEN DIFFERENT NAMES
• 5-13-2024HOW CANNABIS AND PSILOCYBIN MIGHT HELP SOME OF THE 50 MILLION AMERICANS WHO ARE EXPERIENCING CHRONIC PAIN
• 5-13-2024AUTISTIC CHILDREN COULD BE THE REAL WINNERS FROM ONLINE GAMES
• 5-13-2024TEENAGE USERS OF HIGH-THC CANNABIS VARIETIES TWICE AS LIKELY TO EXPERIENCE PSYCHOTIC EPISODES
• 5-13-2024PEPTIDE-BASED HYDROGEL SHOWS PROMISE FOR A WIDE RANGE OF TISSUE AND ORGAN REPAIR
• 5-13-2024TO AVENGE OR NOT TO AVENGE? PSYCHOLOGISTS DIG DEEPER INTO HOW PEOPLE SEE REVENGE AND THOSE WHO DO IT
• 5-13-2024TRANSGENDER PRETEENS REPORT 13 HOURS OF DAILY SCREEN TIME
• 5-13-2024STUDY FINDINGS DEMONSTRATE BENEFIT TO PEDIATRIC CELIAC DISEASE MASS SCREENING
• 5-13-2024COMMONLY USED ANTIBIOTIC BRINGS MORE COMPLICATIONS, DEATH IN THE SICKEST PATIENTS
• 5-13-2024NEW PAPER EXAMINES POTENTIAL POWER AND PITFALLS OF HARNESSING ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE FOR SLEEP MEDICINE
• 5-13-2024VARIATIONS IN TELOMERE LENGTHENING GENES MAY PREDISPOSE SOME PEOPLE TO PAPILLARY THYROID CANCER
• 5-13-2024WHAT IS THE PROCESS OF AN ATHLETE BEING ‘MEDICALLY RETIRED’ DUE TO CONCUSSION?
• 5-13-2024NOT SURE ABOUT VACCINES? HOW MESSAGING IS FRAMED MAKES A DIFFERENCE, NEW RESEARCH SHOWS
• 5-13-2024NEW STUDY REVEALS THE KEY ROLE OF MITOCHONDRIAL PROTEINS IN CARDIAC REGENERATION
• 5-13-2024NEW SYNTHETIC BIOMARKER TECHNOLOGY DIFFERENTIATES BETWEEN PRIOR ZIKA AND DENGUE INFECTIONS
• 5-13-2024IN SEARCH OF THE BEST TEST FOR HEPATIC ENCEPHALOPATHY
• 5-13-2024ORGANIZATIONS PUBLISH JOINT GUIDELINE ON GLUCOCORTICOID-INDUCED ADRENAL INSUFFICIENCY
• 5-13-2024CLINICAL TRIAL INVESTIGATING AFICAMTEN MEETS PRIMARY ENDPOINT IN OBSTRUCTIVE HYPERTROPHIC CARDIOMYOPATHY
• 5-13-2024RESEARCH INVESTIGATES LIMITED EFFICACY OF COMMON LOCAL ANESTHETIC
• 5-13-2024HOW SCIENCE CLEARED THE AIR OVER INHALED HEALTH RISKS
• 5-13-2024WHAT’S KEEPING THE US FROM ALLOWING BETTER SUNSCREENS?
• 5-13-2024PATIENTS CAN NOW STAY CONNECTED BY WEARING ONE
• 5-13-2024THERAPEUTIC OPPORTUNITIES FOR HYPERMUTATED UROTHELIAL CARCINOMAS BEYOND IMMUNOTHERAPY
• 5-13-2024RESEARCHERS REVEAL THE DOUBLE-EDGED-SWORD EFFECT OF OVERCONFIDENCE ON GAMBLING
• 5-13-2024TEAM STUDIES FACTORS RELATED TO A SENSE OF ECONOMIC INSECURITY IN OLDER ADULTS
• 5-13-2024PEDIATRICIAN OFFERS TIPS ON HOW TO SUPPORT HEALTHY MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT IN YOUR CHILD
• 5-13-2024NEW DEVICE COULD IDENTIFY WHICH BABIES WILL STRUGGLE WITH BREASTFEEDING
• 5-13-2024COULD FLIRT LEAD TO A SUMMER UPTICK?
• 5-13-2024RESEARCH HIGHLIGHTS DRAMATIC INCREASE IN FENTANYL SEIZED BY AUTHORITIES IN LAST SIX YEARS
• 5-13-2024CHILD MEASLES CASE AT SACRAMENTO HOSPITAL MAY HAVE EXPOSED 200 PEOPLE, HEALTH OFFICIALS SAY
• 5-13-2024AN AUXILIARY CHD DIAGNOSTIC SYSTEM BASED ON MULTI-VIEW AND MULTI-MODAL TRANSTHORACIC ECHOCARDIOGRAMS
• 5-13-2024PROJECTED ESTIMATES OF CANCER IN CANADA IN 2024: STUDY
• 5-13-2024REPORT FINDS PRIVATE HEALTH PLANS PAID HOSPITALS 254% OF WHAT MEDICARE WOULD PAY DURING 2022
• 5-13-2024HOW OBESITY AND METABOLIC SYNDROME AFFECTS WOMEN’S RISKS OF BREAST CANCER AND CANCER-RELATED DEATH
• 5-13-2024CANCER AND COVID DROVE PATIENT TO DOUBLE-LUNG TRANSPLANT
• 5-13-2024CHOLERA OUTBREAK INTENSIFYING IN YEMEN, UN WARNS
• 5-13-2024RESEARCH TAKES ELECTRORETINOGRAPHY TO THE NEXT LEVEL WITH A SOFT MULTI-ELECTRODE SYSTEM
• 5-13-2024NEW STUDY SHOWS CERTAIN COMBINATIONS OF ANTIVIRAL PROTEINS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR LUPUS SYMPTOMS
• 5-13-2024DID A WORM REALLY EAT PART OF ROBERT F. KENNEDY JR.’S BRAIN?
• 5-13-2024REINING IN ROGUE OBAMACARE AGENTS WITHOUT SLOWING ENROLLMENT
• 5-13-2024IS ‘HERD IMMUNITY’ IN INTENSIVE CARE DOING MORE HARM THAN GOOD?
• 5-13-2024TOO MANY AUSTRALIANS AREN’T GETTING A FLU VACCINE—WHY, AND WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?
• 5-13-2024RESEARCHERS FIND 13% REDUCTION IN ASTHMA IN CHILDREN BORN IN AN URBAN LOW EMISSION ZONE
• 5-13-2024RESEARCHERS USE DUAL DRUG STRATEGY TO ADVANCE MELANOMA TREATMENT AGAINST RESISTANCE
• 5-13-2024ENGINEERING MINI HUMAN HEARTS TO STUDY PREGNANCY COMPLICATIONS AND BIRTH DEFECTS
• 5-13-2024FOR TREATING RETINOPATHY OF PREMATURITY, RESEARCH PROVES THAT RANIBIZUMAB IS SAFE
• 5-13-2024STUDY FINDS SENSE OF SHARED SIMULTANEITY INCREASES WITH GROUP SIZE
• 5-13-2024WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
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• 5-13-2024UN NEARS LANDMARK DEAL ON COMBATING BIOPIRACY
• 5-13-2024VARIATIONS IN ‘ANCIENT’ IMMUNE CELLS LINKED TO PATIENTS’ SURVIVAL IN CANCER
• 5-13-2024SOURCE OF SUGAR MAY BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN AMOUNT WHEN IT COMES TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF OBESITY IN CHILDREN
• 5-13-2024UK STUDY INVOLVING OVER 80,000 ADULTS FINDS SMOKERS TEND TO EAT LESS AND HAVE A LESS HEALTHY DIET THAN NON-SMOKERS
• 5-13-2024TRIAL REVEALS ANTI-INFLAMMATORY POWER OF AEROBIC EXERCISE IN ADULTS WITH OBESITY
• 5-13-2024LARGE-SCALE FINNISH STUDY DISCOVERS LINK BETWEEN PREMATURE MENOPAUSE AND MORTALITY RISK
• 5-13-2024SOCIODEMOGRAPHICS TIED TO REHAB USE DURING CRITICAL ILLNESS HOSPITALIZATION
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• 5-13-2024BLOOD PRESSURE DOWN WITH SELF-MONITORING, SELF-TITRATION OF MEDICATIONS
• 5-13-2024PSILOCYBIN MAY REVERSE ANOREXIA’S COGNITIVE RIGIDITY
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• 5-13-2024STUDY SHOWS CHATGPT CAN ACCURATELY ANALYZE MEDICAL CHARTS FOR CLINICAL RESEARCH, OTHER APPLICATIONS
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Trial Day 11
Katherine Jackson, Rebbie and Trent are at court.
Choreographer Travis Payne & Katherine Jackson spoke briefly in the courtroom before the jury came in. They seemed cordial
Travis Payne Testimony
AEG direct
Payne is wearing a black jacket with a gold emblem on the shoulders with the word "MJ" & a pair of wings
Payne said he was concerned about MJ missing rehearsals. He didn't know why he wasn't showing up, but MJ was also working on an album and a book
Payne said he did not think that Jackson had a problem abusing prescription medications. He acknowledged that Jackson missed rehearsals and he saw the singer shivering or appearing cold in some of his final rehearsals
He worked with Jackson beginning in the 1990's and testified that he never saw Jackson drink alcohol or take any medications. Michael also never discussed his medical treatments, Payne said
Payne told the jury he advised MJ he was looking thin.

"Michael said he was 'getting down to my fighting weight', which I took to mean that he was preparing for the performances", Payne testified. "I had no reason to doubt him"

Payne says he was satisfied with the response.
Payne said there was one day (6/19) when MJ was cold. He thought the frustration had him on edge. When Jackson needed to be layered in blankets and required a heater to be comfortable, Payne said, he believed Michael was merely fighting a cold.

"No one else was cold. He had flu-like symptoms"
"Sometimes he was tired and lethargic and had to be, not convinced, but supported throughout rehearsals," Payne recalled

Payne said that in April, May & June, MJ missed 5 rehearsals with the whole group. He said one time Ortega sent Michael home
Bina shows an email from Ortega to Gongaware on Jun 14:

"Were you aware that Michael's doctor didn't permit him to attend rehearsal yesterday? Without invading his privacy, it might be a good idea to talk to his doctor to make sure everything he requires is in place. Who is responsible for Michael getting proper nourishment/vitamins/therapy every day? Personally, I feel he should have a top Nutritionist and Physical Therapist working with him on a regular basis. The demand on this guy is mentally and physically extraordinary! The show requirements exhaust our 20 year olds. Please don't underestimate the need to stay on top of this"

Another part of the same email chain, from Gongaware:

"Frank and I have discussed it already and have requested a face-to-face meeting w/ the doctor... We want to remind him that it's AEG not Michael Jackson who's paying his salary We want him to understand what is expected of him. He has been dodging Frank so far

Payne said his understanding was that AEG was paying Dr. Murray's salary not Michael. The doctor was there to oversee many things, Payne said. Payne explained he didn't have much reason to question Dr. Murray since he thought that a doctor selected to work with Michael was top notch.
Bina asked Payne whether he ever met Conrad Murray. The choreographer says he met Murray twice. Payne says the first time he met Dr. Murray was at the Carolwood house.

"I was going up the steps, Dr. Murray going downstairs, Michael introduced us."

Payne was coming up from the basement to the middle floor. Studio was at the basement. Payne said he never went to the top floor of the house. He says the second time was at the Staples Center, after a rehearsal and Jackson was leaving for the day. Both meetings were brief.
When asked how Michael performed on June 23 & 24:

"He was having his process, I didn't expect him to be like he would in front of a crowd," Payne explained. "He was not at show standards ... I didn't expect him to be as he would be in front of a crowd."
Payne: "It ebbed and flowed. Some days were good, some days were not as good."

The last two days were good.

"I thought he was in his way to the goals he set himself," Payne told the jury.

He didn't have any question that MJ would be able to perform , adding that he and others were impressed while watching Jackson rehearse at Staples Center on June 23/24, 2009.
Payne described the day MJ died: He was headed to rehearsal at Michael's home, got a call from his mother who said she saw reports on the news. Payne heard news on the radio, called Staples Center spoke to Stacy Walker, she said they were rehearsing. He was told to go to Staples.

"We were optimistic of his arrival," Payne said explaining they were expecting Michael to rehearse at the Staples Center.

Payne said Ortega got a series of calls. He remembers Kenny saying:

'tell me something that will make me know it's you and that this is true'

​

" I remember him (Kenny Ortega) collapsing in his seat and crying," Payne testified

Payne said he never saw Michael drink alcohol or take medication but

"Sometimes, in rehearsal, Michael would appear just a little loopy, under the influence of something, but mostly when he would come to the rehearsals from the dermatologist," Payne testified.

That happened two to four times in the weeks before his death, he said. Payne told that he didn't think Jackson had a problem with prescription drugs

"Michael was undergoing personal cosmetic procedures, so he could feel great and do a good job," Payne said.

Payne also said he appeared groggy in the morning sometimes, which he attributed to lack of sleep

"Mr. Jackson just explained to me that he had trouble sleeping, that he was tired, and that satisfied me," Payne testified.

He stated that he's not sure how much weight MJ had lost
Payne mentioned one day in particular at a meeting with Andre Crouch and singers, MJ seemed a little out of it
Payne said at one point, he & others tried to bring in a top physical therapist who works with Olympic athletes to help Michael. Jackson didn't work w/physical therapist flown in for him.

"At the last minute we realized that Michael was not going to go through with it. He was just not comfortable with the invasion of personal space."

Bina played a clip of This Is It from Jun 4 showing the green screen and making of "Drill" and Michael talking about the cool moves, dancing. Payne said the idea was to show the rehearsals and how things came together. The footage itself wasn't altered, but there was editing. Payne said they picked the best of the rehearsal to include in the documentary. He wanted to reshoot some scenes but was not allowed. Payne, who was an associate producer on the This Is It documentary, said the footage of Jackson had not been retouched or altered.
Jackson cross
Attorney Brian Panish cross examined Payne. He asked if Michael ever performed the entire show from beginning to end. Payne said "No"

"Was he ready to perform for an audience?", Panish asked.
"I thought he was on his way to the goals he had set for himself," Payne answered. "All I saw was improvement and getting closer to the goals"

Payne's impression was that MJ loved being a father. He said he saw the beauty of their relationships, loyalty to one another.

"When we rehearsed, we had meals together," Payne recalled, talking about Michael and all three children.

Payne thought the relationship between MJ and Prince was awesome, Michael was a proud father, great to see how they interacted. Prince wanted to be a director, Michael would point out things to him during rehearsal should that be his career, Payne remembered.
As to Paris Jackson, Payne said he saw a very protective young lady, smart, astute, with knowledge of the production, very hands on. Paris, who was 11 at the time, was

"a very retentive young lady who was very, very smart, very astute," Payne testified. "She had full knowledge of the day-to-day operations, from the time of lunch and what it was going to be, she was hands on -- far beyond her age," he said. "She had a lot of responsibility, which I think she welcomed"

Payne said she was "the female of the house," and also "a daddy's girl."

"She really loved her father," he said. "At that time, she was coming to find out his global successes and presence, so she would wear her Michael Jackson t-shirt, headband and bag," he said.

It was Paris who would bless the food when they were have lunch with their father at home, he said.

"She was always the most vocal of the three children and was very concerned about many of the details of the house, was the temperature correct, what do you want to eat," Payne testified. "She just handled a lot for her young age"

Blanket, who was 7 when his father died, was the most quiet of the three. He liked to watch his father rehearsing his dances with Payne in the basement studio of their home, Payne said.

"He was quiet, but always right there with his dad," he said.

Michael guided and mentored him. Payne said he would be proud if MJ was his father and agreed the children suffered a tremendous loss. When rehearsing with Jackson at his Holmby Hills residence, Payne said the singer clearly delighted in being a father and shared meals with all three

"I saw the beauty of their relationships. I saw their loyalty to their father, I saw his loyalty to them. Their father enlightened them and taught them", he testified. "I was very proud to see Michael as such a loving father."
Panish: "Was Paris a Daddy's girl?"
Payne: "Yes, I believe so"

His description of the close relationship Paris (15) and Prince (16) had with their father four years ago could foreshadow the significance of the children's testimony later in the trial.
Payne always carries a video camera with him and shot videos of rehearsal. AEG took the footage that Payne shot and never returned to him. Email from Randy to Paul:

"Make sure you take out the shots of Michael in that red jacket... He looks way too thin and skeletal."

Payne said he was not aware of the email. He said Michael looked thin, but not skeletal. He doesn't know if Paul/Randy took any the footage out. The email was not displayed for the jury
As for Michael's relationship with Katherine, Payne said

"there's no secret that he loved his mother very much. It is kind of common knowledge"

​

"Karen Faye is a make up artist. She designed the make up, was always there when Michael was there", Payne testified.

Payne said Faye and MJ had a long term working relationship. They spent a lot of personal time together. Faye was concerned and frustrated with how Michael looked. She went to Payne kind of in an aggressive way. Payne told her to report to Ortega.
Payne said he wanted MJ to have a physical therapist, nutritionist, massage therapist, and have his family around. He said this was a different scenario.

"This was the first time MJ was working with AEG," Payne testified, saying he had always been hired by MJJ production before.

Payne said this was the first time Michael was not the sole producer of the show. Payne started working without a signed contract. He was being paid by AEG. Panish showed Payne's written contract. It is between Payne and AEG, beginning April 1, 2009. The contract said only AEG could cancel it. He testified that there was a delay in his contract with AEG because the salary was not in line with his standard charges, but that things worked out after he had a conversation with Jackson. Payne also said he believed AEG was paying Murray's salary, not Jackson
Payne was hired and paid by AEG. His contract was with AEG.

Panish: "Who could fire you. AEG?"
Payne: "I'm sure"

Things became heated when Panish inquired about a text message Karen Faye sent to Payne that accused him of lying to the media after Michael's death. He said earlier Faye had approached him in an "aggressive" way about her concern for Jackson's health but he told her to take her concerns to Ortega.

"I do not remember receiving a text message from Karen Faye asking why I was lying to the media," Payne explained.
Panish: "Were you upset when MJ died?"
Payne: "Yes"

During cross-examination, Payne was shown several photos of premieres for the This Is It documentary .Panish shows a picture of Payne at the red carpet premiere. He agreed he was happy about the premiere. In one, Ortega & AEG executive Randy Phillips flank Jackson's manager, Frank DiLeo, who has a cigar hanging out of his mouth. All three are grinning. Brian Panish, the attorney for Jackson's family, remarked that everyone looked pretty happy
Payne said he wasn't privy to details of what was expected of Dr. Murray. AEG was producepromoter, but MJ was the star, had to be happy
Panish reminded Payne that he had testified in his deposition that AEG was

"trying to protect its investment"

​

"I don't have a dog in this race so I'm not on either side", an aggravated Payne countered adding that he felt Panish was being aggressive. "I'm just saying I don't want to be painted as somebody who's trying to mask anything".

After several hours of testy exchanges with Panish, his voice quivered and he dabbed his eyes with a tissue.

"I'm just trying to have a conversation with you and tell the truth."

Panish asked Payne if defendants' attorney approached him during lunch to show him some documents. He said yes, he saw parts of his deposition
Under cross examination, Payne acknowledged that some of Jackson's behavior, including grogginess, lethargy, insomnia and occasional paranoia, were possible symptoms of prescription drug abuse. He also said that despite testifying earlier that he worked with Jackson one-on-one five days a week, he couldn't recall how many rehearsals the singer actually attended
Panish after lunch break got Travis Payne to concede Jackson wasn't present for a May 19, 2009 rehearsal. Payne also conceded that Jackson was a no-show for a June 22, 2009 rehearsal. Panish confronted Payne saying that yesterday he said he was with MJ at a dance studio on May 19, that they were up on their feet & danced.

Panish: "Sir, Michael was not with you May 19, 2009, was he?"
Payne: "No"
Panish: "He was at the doctor"
Payne: "If you're saying, I'm not disputing"

Panish said that on May 19, Michael was having a cyst removed at Dr. Klein's office, so he could not have been rehearsing with Payne.
Panish then said on Jun 22 MJ wasn't there either, "was he?"
Payne said he didn't know.
Panish said MJ was at another doctor's office
Payne said he may have made a mistake about Jackson's whereabouts & he didn't know his personal schedule. Travis Payne had testified yesterday that he and Jackson ran through certain songs on May 19th. He said today he was testifying based on the schedule and notes he compiled and that his recollection might be wrong

"We're human, sometimes we make mistakes," Payne explained, saying he's not disputing that Michael was or wasn't there on those dates.

Payne said there was always something for Michael to do.

"He needed to come to rehearsal, it was part of the job"

Payne said Michael had a hard time picking up some of the material. He was having trouble learning dances, Payne says. Email from Ortega to Gongaware:

"He has been slow at grabbing hold of the work"

Jackson was having trouble learning dances, choreographer Travis Payne says

"Prior to June, I noticed Mr. Jackson was thinner than I recognized him," Payne said, noting he never saw sudden weight change in MJ.

Second time Payne saw Dr. Murray was the night before Michael died at Staples Center.

"I wanted Michael to go home and go to sleep" Payne recalls. Payne said something about Murray felt off, Payne said. "He didn't feel like an official doctor"

Payne knew MJ had sleeping problems and that Dr. Murray was treating him for that. Ortega also knew; Payne thought Gongaware was aware too. Payne also said he and Ortega knew that Jackson was having sleep problems. Attorney Brian Panish asks if AEG executives knew. There were several objections, and Payne was only allowed to answer "No" as to whether Paul Gongaware knew about Michael's sleep problems
Panish asked Payne about choosing Jackson's dancers for This Is It. Payne says they were whittled down from 5,000 applicants. Applicants submitted video clips and their submissions were used to cull down potential dancers from there. Payne said they received 5,000 applications for dancers, about 2,500 showed up for the audition.He taught them some dance moves, and the pool was further narrowed down. Michael chose the dancers
Panish then asked Payne whether he knew how many doctors AEG interviewed to work with Jackson on This Is It. "No", Payne says. Payne also says he isn't aware how much interviewing or investigation into Murray that AEG did.(Panish's point appears to be that there was more scrutiny of backup dancers than Conrad Murray)
During preparations for This Is It, Michael at times seemed "under the influence of something" and once couldn't take the stage because he appeared incoherent, Payne testified.
Payne said he was aware that Jackson had problems sleeping and chalked up the singer's sometimes erratic behavior to sleep aids or sedatives from his dermatologist visits.

"You have to understand that one always says hindsight is 20/20. In the moment I had no inkling of what, ultimately, what was revealed until Mr. Jackson's passing", he said

Payne saw Michael tired and fatigued. He agreed that those symptoms could be signs of drug addiction. Payne was aware that MJ was losing weight during rehearsals and he had not seeing him lose weight like that before.

"He was not in great physical shape and was sore,working up his stamina. Lack of sleep and proper nourishment were starting to show", Payne said.

Payne says at one point, he told Kenny Ortega that Jackson appeared "assisted" (meaning that he thought he was on drugs\meds)
Payne said some people were concerned about the goals not being met, including Randy Phillips and Paul Gongaware. Payne learned what Demerol was after MJ died. He also remembers a mention of Demerol in the song "Morphine".
Panish asked if MJ knew the lyrics of his songs.

"I think he did, he knew most of them, but he wanted to have a Teleprompter for safety.He didn't want to make any mistakes, to refresh his memory. Also to use for sequence of songs",Payne said.

Payne agreed that it was very unusual for Michael to have a Teleprompter with the lyrics of his own songs. He never used it before. Payne didn't specify which songs Jackson wanted the teleprompter for
Payne said a body double was requested for Michael. Misha Gabriel was his body double, but shorter than him. Some of the scenes in the documentary are with the body double, Payne testified. Payne remembers at the Culver Studios in Smooth Criminal there was a stunt and Misha was asked to jump through a glass plate
Payne said most the time, MJ was present at rehearsals. "It wasn't a big deal," he expressed
Panish showed an email from the band leader Michael Bearden:

"Michael is not in shape enough yet to sing this stuff live and dance at the same time. He can use the ballads to sing live and get his stamina back up, Once he's healthy enough and has more strength I Have full confidence he can sing the majority of the show live. His voice sounds amazing right now, he needs to build it back up. I still need all big dance numbers to be in the system so we can concentrate on choreography."

Payne was aware that AEG was considering in mid June pulling the plug on the show. He said Michael looked exhausted & paranoid on Jun 19. Jackson's condition and missed rehearsals led to talk within the last 10 days of Jackson's life that AEG Live LLC, which was promoting "This Is It," might cancel the concert series.

"It was 'We've got to get this together or the plug may be pulled,'" Payne says

Payne was working for AEG and said he relayed his concerns about Jackson's possible prescription drug use and that he was exhibiting troubling signs of insomnia, weight loss and paranoia in his final days to tour director Kenny Ortega. Jackson was struggling to get into shape for the shows, and Payne said his voice coach suggested using a voice track for fast-paced songs until the singer's stamina improved.
Payne went to Michael's house on June 20. He was cold and had to light the fireplace and rub his hand and feet to warm himself up
Panish showed a picture of Michael on June 24 rehearsing "Thriller"; Payne said MJ improved but was not at his best yet.

Panish: "Around June 20, was Ortega in the mindset that Michael Jackson was not ready for this?" Payne: "Yes"

Payne said Michael was not ready, it was not the Michael he knew. He died four days later. But he didn't see anything that alarmed him on June 23/24

Panish:" Did you see that Michael was getting pressured to get everything done in the last days?" Payne: "Yes"

Payne said he could sense something was wrong, but didn't know what it was. He said Jackson's performances in the final days of his life were impressive, and it felt

"like we were definitely on an upswing"

​

"I never doubted Michael because he was the architect of this and he wanted to do it, so part of my responsibility was to help him get there", Payne said, his voice racked with emotion.

Panish ended his direct examination of choreographer Travis Payne with three questions.

Panish: "Did you see that Michael Jackson appeared to be pressured to get everything done at the Staples last rehearsals?"
"Yes," Payne said
Panish: "The pressure about the shows started to manifest itself physically in Michael Jackson?"
"Yes," Payne replied.
Panish:" You could sense that something was wrong, you just didn't know what it was?"
Payne responded "Yes."

AEG re-direct
Payne's demeanor changed after Panish finished questioning him. He was holding back tears when the AEG attorney started re-direct examination. For the next several moments, Payne blinked and dabbed both eyes with a tissue. It was the first time he'd gotten emotional on the stand.

Bina in re-direct asked: "Do you think you could get him there?"
Payne: "Absolutely!"

Bina asked Payne again about how many rehearsals Jackson attended. Payne said MJ was present a significant amount of the days he was scheduled to work but he couldn't recall dates, precisely how many that Jackson attended.
As to Gongaware's email regarding what was expected of Dr. Murray, Payne said the inconsistencies with Michael missing rehearsals warrant a talk. Payne said he thought Dr. Murray was there to care for his patient, making sure right nutritionist was there, to get him ready for the show. Payne never discussed with MJ about his doctors or personal affairs. Payne and Faye were professionals with each other, but not friends.

"Production felt he wasn't coming to rehearsals enough, and that was frustrating to some of the staff," Payne testified. "I had a concern we needed to create a show Michael would enjoy doing it," Payne explained

She also showed Payne photos from the This Is It premiere. First photo is of Payne shaking Jermaine Jackson's hand at the movie premiere. Bina also showed another image of smiling Jermaine, Tito, Jackie and Marlon with Payne at the premiere. Payne cried saying he had been through so much and the rough part was behind them. He was pleased to show the fans what the show was to be.
Jackson re-cross
In re-cross, Panish notes that none of Michael's brothers are part of this lawsuit.
Panish then asked Payne whether Katherine Jackson and Michael's kids went to the premiere. Panish says Katherine Jackson & her grandchildren didn't go to the premiere because they weren't over Jackson's death. Payne said he didn't think anyone was over Jackson's death when the film premiered in late 2009.
Court Transcript

Yesterday I went to urgent care because of stabbing/excruciating pain in the left side of my back, about where my left kidney, kind of right below my ribcage. This was a kind of pain I have never felt before, literally rolling on the floor in pain. It got significantly worse within an hour which is why i went in so quickly. I was also severely nauseous and threw up a little before i left. It was slowly lessening in pain while i was at the dr's, when i got there they said they didn't have an ultrasound to check for a kidney stone but they'd do a urinalysis to see if i had a uti ect.
The results came back and everything else was normal but I had 3+ ketones in my urine. Because of this they tested my glucose which was 85 and i hadn't eaten in 8ish hours (ate at 9am, test was at 5ish). The 85 result seemed to rule out diabetes because they didn't mention it again.
Their next step was to refer me to a different urgent care so they could give me an ultrasound. by this point the pain had become pretty minor and since that was really all i came there for I told them I was going to go home and wait to see if the pain came back, and if it did i'd go in. Well the pain never returned even close to the level it was before so I didn't go back.
I was trying to do some research on the ketone thing because while i used to do the keto diet a few years ago i don't really know what's normal or not. Anyways my confusion is that I couldn't really find any kind of explanation for why there would be that many ketones in my blood? like none of them made sense or like checked out with my symptoms if that makes sense. I am not pregnant, i have not drank alcohol in weeks, diabetes does run in my family but i think its type 2 which I thought was almost entirely environmental based and I eat well. My main issue is that a lot of the symptoms of most of the things overlap with the potential symptoms of a medication i started about 2-3 weeks ago. For example: extreme thirst, numbness/tingling/staticky feeling in my arms or face (not actually sure if this is an adderall thing it just started about a week ago), dry mouth, dizziness/lightheaded, nausea, weight loss. I'm on adderall for context. So I am experiencing all of those things but also it could be explained by the med.
I also went through the foods i've eaten the last few days to see if maybe i accidentally put myself into ketosis by my diet but i eat wayyy more than the 20-50 range that would put me in ketosis. Like the tortillas i've been using are 40 alone lol. I also bought those little ketosis test strips because i wanted to see if it was a fluke or something or would just go away on its own but i've tested twice since and both times the results are relatively the same and the number converts to about what the urinalysis reported (between 2.7 and 3.5ish but it's a color scale so not super accurate).
So I guess my question is should I be concerned? I'm also feeling pretty "weak" like you know the feeling when lifting your arms feels like so much work. But also i'm getting nervous that it's all in my head if that makes sense. I am not feeling the pain in my kidney area anymore but the ketone thing is kind of throwing me for a loop, i just kind of assumed I had a kidney stone so this came from left field a little bit. I'm debating if I should go to the dr today because I don't know if this is just a thing that can "happen" and it's fine. Also what are some things it could be? I just can't seem to find a reasoning that makes sense other than diabetes and that was seemingly ruled out.

Yesterday I went to urgent care because of stabbing/excruciating pain in the left side of my back, about where my left kidney, kind of right below my ribcage. This was a kind of pain I have never felt before, literally rolling on the floor in pain. It got significantly worse within an hour which is why i went in so quickly. I was also severely nauseous and threw up a little before i left. It was slowly lessening in pain while i was at the dr's, when i got there they said they didn't have an ultrasound to check for a kidney stone but they'd do a urinalysis to see if i had a uti ect.
The results came back and everything else was normal but I had 3+ ketones in my urine. Because of this they tested my glucose which was 85 and i hadn't eaten in 8ish hours (ate at 9am, test was at 5ish). The 85 result seemed to rule out diabetes because they didn't mention it again.
Their next step was to refer me to a different urgent care so they could give me an ultrasound. by this point the pain had become pretty minor and since that was really all i came there for I told them I was going to go home and wait to see if the pain came back, and if it did i'd go in. Well the pain never returned even close to the level it was before so I didn't go back.
I was trying to do some research on the ketone thing because while i used to do the keto diet a few years ago i don't really know what's normal or not. Anyways my confusion is that I couldn't really find any kind of explanation for why there would be that many ketones in my blood? like none of them made sense or like checked out with my symptoms if that makes sense. I am not pregnant, i have not drank alcohol in weeks, diabetes does run in my family but i think its type 2 which I thought was almost entirely environmental based and I eat well. My main issue is that a lot of the symptoms of most of the things overlap with the potential symptoms of a medication i started about 2-3 weeks ago. For example: extreme thirst, numbness/tingling/staticky feeling in my arms or face (not actually sure if this is an adderall thing it just started about a week ago), dry mouth, dizziness/lightheaded, nausea, weight loss. I'm on adderall for context. So I am experiencing all of those things but also it could be explained by the med.
I also went through the foods i've eaten the last few days to see if maybe i accidentally put myself into ketosis by my diet but i eat wayyy more than the 20-50 range that would put me in ketosis. Like the tortillas i've been using are 40 alone lol. I also bought those little ketosis test strips because i wanted to see if it was a fluke or something or would just go away on its own but i've tested twice since and both times the results are relatively the same and the number converts to about what the urinalysis reported (between 2.7 and 3.5ish but it's a color scale so not super accurate).
So I guess my question is should I be concerned? I'm also feeling pretty "weak" like you know the feeling when lifting your arms feels like so much work. But also i'm getting nervous that it's all in my head if that makes sense. I am not feeling the pain in my kidney area anymore but the ketone thing is kind of throwing me for a loop, i just kind of assumed I had a kidney stone so this came from left field a little bit. I'm debating if I should go to the dr today because I don't know if this is just a thing that can "happen" and it's fine. Also what are some things it could be? I just can't seem to find a reasoning that makes sense other than diabetes and that was seemingly ruled out.

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tl;dr - after doing great over the last couple years, I am relapsing hard.
My journey with engaging in ED was not on purpose but it happened suddenly & extremely at 21.
After 2 years, I had lost half my body weight & could barely walk up a flight of stairs. I went to IP treatment out of state only after a great therapist (I’ve had 2 out of >20 my whole life,) insisted, & then bloodwork had shown I was in the early stages of organ failure.
IP treatment was good (anyone who wants more info, I’m happy to share why it was,) & I came back to “real life” & struggled for years. I’d have a great several months then relapse hard.
This went on til about 3 years ago. Basically, I hit rock bottom (which is saying a lot,) & I wanted to be a good mother, wife, & had faith.
Recovery was not something I was new to, but I took it seriously. From tears after snacks, to not being able to eat without someone with me, to dealing with a healthy relationship with exercise, to recovery binges, to not looking at labels. I mean, I was really doing it.
6 months ago I would have said I was 95% recovered. I WFH so if I wanted a snack, I’d go get one. Heck, I could even eat alone without watching or listening something. I’d do cardio ~35 mins daily, only 5-6 a week, but out of love of moving my body. Not a punishment. No biggie if I missed. A major win.
But I’ve relapsed hard & suddenly, it seems.
It was small at first. I noticed if I didn’t have one of two “safe foods” during the day, I wouldn’t eat. I’d wait til dinner, my “safe meal” (I have no problem eating most things for dinner, but even that’s becoming more restrictive in my brain.) So, not sure why suddenly I was limiting myself, but slowly I was. & my “rules” in my brain were coming out of nowhere, seemingly for no reason. But school (returning student,) housekeeping, work (high stress, lots of hours, but love it,) & basically most responsibilities have fallen on me. This is my only guess why I’m struggling?
Then, I had a small tear to my Achilles tendon & my “feet” (to sum it up) are all messed up lol. While that’s being seen after, I’m basically not able to do most things, especially exercise. I can hobble around in my walking boot, but mostly ice & elevating & pain.
So suddenly, I can’t exercise. I’m truly depressed for the first time in years for an extended period. the weight loss has been rapid with my ED coming back so damn suddenly. & I know how bad it is. I know what it does to personality, to my emotions, to how I treat people, to the brain. Let alone all the physical stuff.
I wasn’t seeking it.
It’s just back.
I can’t tell my partner. He was my biggest advocate, but he was hurt the worst due to my mental issues & poor coping abilities (substance abuse coupled with a starved brain & an addiction to purging.)
I don’t struggle with purging really, but I feel unable to be open with my partner as I was for the last 8 years of recovery (I was very secretive & protective of my ED the first time around. Now I’m secretive because of the stigma I gave my own self.)
Idk what to do. I’m going back to therapy as a Hail Mary, but the questioning/accusation coming from my partner are making me angry & also feel like I have to shut down.
Numbers trigger me, so I’ll spare mine. But I was at a healthy weight & where my IP ED treatment dietician said I need to be according to my growth chart & happy enough with my body. I could talk about “ugh these don’t fit so annoying” or my partner couldn’t gently say “you might want to try something else?” & it not trigger me or make me spiral. Now, I look at my legs while I’m sitting & it disgusts me. My weight loss is quite noticeable.
I’m getting to what would be “normal” for my height, but toeing the line for what’s unhealthy & not enough for my brain.
Sorry for the long post. Don’t know what I’m looking for. It’s great to talk to a therapist but idk. I thought I was a success story who could & would help & support others.
Now I’m a secretive, irritable, impatient person who is having to lie about hunger, what I ate, etc. & I was proud of no longer being a liar.
Thanks for reading :(

“These weight loss drugs, they basically cause the development of frailty in older patients in months instead of years,” said Dr. Mitchell Steiner, the chief executive of Veru, which is conducting the study.
In the meantime, doctors said, it’s critical for these patients to find ways to maintain their muscle. Older adults and postmenopausal women, in particular, are at risk for becoming frail or developing osteoporosis if they lose too much muscle, said Dr. Scott Hagan, an assistant professor of medicine at the University of Washington who studies obesity. But anyone who loses muscle could experience weakness and fatigue, Dr. Hagan said, and could be at an increased risk of falls and injuries.
“Just because we’re losing weight doesn’t always mean we’re getting healthier,” said Dr. Michelle Hauser, obesity medicine director of the Stanford Lifestyle and Weight Management Center.
Doctors tend to recommend two simple fixes to fight muscle loss: eating protein and doing strength training.
(https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/08/well/live/ozempic-muscle-loss-exercise.html)

“These weight loss drugs, they basically cause the development of frailty in older patients in months instead of years,” said Dr. Mitchell Steiner, the chief executive of Veru, which is conducting the study.
In the meantime, doctors said, it’s critical for these patients to find ways to maintain their muscle. Older adults and postmenopausal women, in particular, are at risk for becoming frail or developing osteoporosis if they lose too much muscle, said Dr. Scott Hagan, an assistant professor of medicine at the University of Washington who studies obesity. But anyone who loses muscle could experience weakness and fatigue, Dr. Hagan said, and could be at an increased risk of falls and injuries.
“Just because we’re losing weight doesn’t always mean we’re getting healthier,” said Dr. Michelle Hauser, obesity medicine director of the Stanford Lifestyle and Weight Management Center.
Doctors tend to recommend two simple fixes to fight muscle loss: eating protein and doing strength training.
(https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/08/well/live/ozempic-muscle-loss-exercise.html)

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwawayhidden123
Me [27F] with my boyfriend [29M] of two years. He took nude pictures of me with a hidden camera in our bathroom.
TRIGGER WARNING: invasion of privacy, mentions of addiction, abusive behavior and stalking
Original Post Oct 20, 2014
I’ve [27F] been with my boyfriend [29M] for just over two years, and up until a couple of weeks ago, I thought everything was going great. We’ve been living together for over a year. We had disagreements about minor things like every couple (me being indecisive about what restaurant to go to, him leaving his dirty clothes outside the hamper, stuff like that) , but for the most part we always got along really well. We share multiple hobbies, and have pretty much spent every day we had off together for the last two years.
A few weeks ago, I was home while he was at work. I needed to work on a project for work that would be much easier to complete on his desktop computer rather than my little cramped laptop, so I texted him and asked if it would be ok for me to use his desktop. He said sure, and texted me the password.
About 30 minutes later I got a little bored and decided to check my facebook. When the site came up, the email and password were already filled out, with an email address I had never seen before. I knew about other email addresses my boyfriend had but had never seen this one. I’m not proud to admit it, but something about the email address that I had never seen after two years together gave me a funny feeling and I snooped.
As soon as I opened it, I realized why he had kept this email account under wraps. The inbox was full of messages from a website for specifically for people looking to have affairs. I opened one up and it allowed me to view his account information. This mysterious inbox was also filled with porn, mostly still images. Now, I like porn. I watch it myself, he knows that, and knows I have no problem with it. But this was something different. There were some pictures of porn stars, but mostly pictures of girls in swimsuits, people we know that looked like they’d been taken from facebook, including some of my really close friends. There were pictures of girls he had taken on the bus surreptitiously looking down their shirts. There were naked pictures of me that I didn’t know he had taken, pictures of me in the shower and in our bedroom. Finally, there were pictures of a female friend of his that had visited for a few days that clearly had been taken in our bathroom – the shower curtain and other items in the picture were recognizable. It was apparent that the pictures had been taken without her knowledge.
At this point I felt completely sick and betrayed. When I confronted him that night he told me it was some kind of addictive problem and he’s been saving pictures of women for years. I confronted him about everything I had seen, especially the account on the cheating site, the naked pictures of his friend that had been taken in our bathroom, and the naked pictures of me that I hadn’t consented to him taking. As it turns out, he admitted that he had a hidden camera in our bathroom for weeks. It was disguised as a flash drive, and he had left it on the counter pointed at the shower and toilet. Apparently it was motion sensitive and would take pictures whenever someone moved in front of it. He said he didn’t have any other pictures from it other than what I had seen, and just compulsively saves pictures he takes by sending them to this email address that I had found, and never looks at them again.
What is this? Is it a fetish? Is it curable? He said he would get help and start going to SLAA meetings but he only went to three and hasn’t been back. I feel violated and sick thinking about this, and welcome any advice or input from anyone who has been in a similar situation.
EDIT: To those saying I should report him to the police - He deleted all of the pictures and the email address the first night that I confronted him about it, and I destroyed the camera (rage overcomes logic sometimes). I'm not planning to file any report to the police and even if I did there would be no evidence. However, I appreciate your comments and for reinforcing how serious this is.
tl;dr: My boyfriend took pictures of me with a hidden camera. Has this happened to anyone else? How, or should, I move forward with our relationship?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
SlimShanny

Why would you want to stay? You can't trust him. Did you delete the photos of you? Was he cheating the entire relationship? Not that it would have any impact on you staying or leaving. I'd leave regardless. Just curious if he's been doing this the entire time.

OOP

I'm having a hard time writing this in a way that doesn't make me sound pathetic and weak, because logically I completely agree with you. It's hard to me to reconcile the person that I thought I knew for two years and have shared many good times and made lots of memories with, with the person that would do something like this, even though obviously they are one and the same. To answer your other question, he has had the email address and has been saving pictures for years, long before I met him. However, it appeared that all of the pictures up until about 6 months ago were from porn sites, and he only started saving pictures of people that he took more recently.

OOP on if she will ever get the whole truth

Thanks for your comment. As for "the whole truth," at first when I confronted him he told me that he had already gotten rid of the camera. However, once he described it to me, I remembered seeing it in a closet and went and got it - he hadn't gotten rid of it after all. He already showed that he's definitely capable of lying to try to protect himself.

How long since she found the camara
OOP

Two weeks.

spotH3D

Thanks for the response.
Given the horrible red flags, why not immediately dump him? That is what I'm curious about.
I don't know you any better than what you've posted, but you're better than this OP.

OOP

I know you're right. It's tough because we live together, so there's a whole life we have to tear apart from a logistical standpoint (even though it's already been torn apart in a different way). I expect that you will be appalled by this response, but the thought of coming home to this apartment without him here has been unbearably sad to me. I guess I'm not really grieving the loss of this guy, more like the loss of the relationship I thought we had before I found all this out, if that makes any sense. I need to stop making excuses and just get him out of here.

Update Nov 2014
Link to original post
First of all, thank you to everyone who replied to my original post. Some of you came down pretty hard on me but I needed to hear it. Some of you were incredibly kind and I needed that too.
I finally broke down and told my closest friend what had happened. I used my original post to help me do it, since I was having a tough time explaining it aloud. She read the story, and said many of the same things I was told in the comments on my original thread. Most of all, she supported me and validated my feelings that this was a really big deal and not something that could be swept under the rug and forgotten. It was a huge relief to tell her - you know that trite thing people say about a "huge weight lifted off your shoulders?" I know how that feels now.
Before I made my post I had already been talking with my then-BF about how I wasn't sure if our relationship could recover after what he had done, and I had told him that I wanted him to move out to give me space. After my post, and after finally opening up to my friend, I told him that he should plan on the move and breakup being permanent. Up until then I had been a little vague about "taking a break" and "seeing what happens down the road" but once I faced down my emotions about what he had done I realized that I was just trying to soften the blow and the best thing to do was to live in reality and just move forward.
As of two days ago, he is officially moved out. I told my family that the relationship was over, and my parents have been incredibly supportive and are even going to help me pay to keep living in my current apartment so I can take my time finding another place to live and not have to deal with moving right now.
Here's the part you guys probably won't be thrilled about. I'm not going to report him to the police. I did, however, reach out to his friend, the one who was an unknowing victim of this, via facebook (I know, I hate facebook as a means of communication too, but it's the only way I have to contact her). She has not replied to me, and I don't know if she will, but I gave her my contact info and asked her to call me so we could talk. I honestly can't say whether I hope she calls or not, because I absolutely dread having that conversation with her, but guys, if I'm able to get in touch, I will suck it up and tell her. I also told my ex-BF, before he left, that I thought he should tell her himself, but that I planned to, so he may have spoken to her already (though I sincerely doubt it).
I wish for my ex-BF to get well, and to continue attending meetings and get into the recovery process to the point that he is able to live a productive life. It's been a sad, painful path for me to realize the fact that that life will not include me as a part of it, but despite how hard this is in this moment, I believe the ends justify the means.
tl;dr: It's over, he's gone. /relationships, you helped me, and I'm grateful.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Lokismoke

I'm glad to see the update and that you rid yourself of him.
I'm very disappointed that you didn't file a police report. He will do it again, and by not reporting him, you're allowing someone else to get hurt the same way you were.

[deleted]

Crime victims are not morally obligated to press charges in order to prevent future victims. The only person responsible for his deplorable behavior is her ex boyfriend.

OOP

Thank you... People really latched on to the police involvement issue in this thread and while I think it's probably the right thing for other people in similar situations, it's absolutely not the right thing for me right now. I hope other people who have been in a situation like this read your comment too because I think it's spot on but it's easy to forget that.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Hi, I'm op, I have an eating disorder. (Hiiii op) First time posting so here we go.
It started when I was 15ish? The pro-ana pro-mia blogs of aincent internet, Tumblr, is where i spent most of my after school life. Continued for a while, I looked fine. Cried when I ate a bite of cake for my birthday. Usual teenager things.
18 years old I get diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.
Listen, I'm not sure what happened, I just exploded. Insulin? Idk makes you swell like a balloon or something. I ended up gaining over 100 lbs before I even knew it. So fast i didn't even notice those weren't injection scars, they were stretch marks. Two years go by now. Having to balance blood sugar, eating enough to keep myself from going low, not too much. Binging, purging, and restricting suddenly became a LOT harder. Binge? High blood sugar. Purge? Risk going low. Restrict? Go low.
Eventually, I learned/realized that one of the reasons I wasn't gaining weight before is that undiagnosed diabetes is weight loss. From 20-26 I battled what has been dubbed as Diabulimia. This is the practice of not taking or restricting insulin. At the expense of eyes, toes, kidneys, and of course, with all eating disorders, your life.
I recently was told that I am showing signs of diabetes in my eyes, meaning that if I don't stop soon I will lose my vision.
I've been better with taking the insulin while reverting to pre-diabetes eating disorder habits now that technology has gotten better to keep my blood sugar normal. Only occasionally relapsing into the Diabulimic stuff.
I'm not sure exactly what the point of this post was. Maybe to raise awareness? So many endocrinologists simply aren't aware of this epidemic. I am very fortunate for my current doctors who haven't treated me like a 'bad' diabetic. They see this for what it is, an eating disorder. Thanks for letting me talk:/ I love yall🖤
Tl;dr- Diabulimia is keeping blood sugar high to lose weight and it's been killing me for a long time. I'm so tired of being sick. Two chronic diseases? Fuck me.

Today's edition is out, featuring LLMs related research paper on May 9th, 2024
📚 Read it here: https://llm.beehiiv.com/p/llms-research-papers-published-9th-may-2024-gpt4o-announcement
TL;DR read the key research highlights here:

• A new paper conducts a controlled experiment to understand the effect of fine-tuning on hallucination.
• A new ensemble based multi-agent LLM approach called “Smurfs”!
• It is now possible to compress LLMs by 77% with minimal performance loss!
• Lot’s of benchmarks published today.
• FLockGPT - A GPT for swarm-drones (no more complex modelling to draw designs on sky!)
• Robots can now feel emotion! A new weight parameter to train so robots can feel emotion.

Hello all , I am curious as to if a PS could or would prescribe a weight loss medication ? I have never taken any, but have gained 30 lb leading up to my TT surgery happening in 3 days. Has anyone here experienced getting weight loss meds prescribed by a PS ?? I know generally the process would be to lose weight before the surgery but my body is going through changes and has been for 7 months. It is what it is. I have an appointment with my regular Dr but not until August 13 that's the soonest they can get me in, appointment made 2 weeks ago. I'm just thinking the sooner the better to not destroy my tt results . Please no sarcastic remarks 😉

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To preface this, i had the traditional duodenal switch on 3/27/24 at Orlando health with Dr. T. Surgery date- i was at 395. A week after i was 382. A week after that i was 366. This was around 4/13. I stayed fluctuating a this weight for over a week so to put my mind at ease, i stopped weighing myself until today. Just got done mentally breaking down.
374… the scale said 374. I know about stalls, I know about the weight fluctuating maybe by a couple of pounds here and there but almost 10 pounds? I’ve seen articles of people saying that they’re gaining weight on this journey and I would always think to myself “ yeah they’re definitely not doing something right? Because how do you gain weight after getting weight loss surgery?”-—and yet here i am.
And before you say, you should reach out to your care team/doctor, I definitely did just now. I just have to wait for a response within 48 hours unfortunately.
Literally can’t make sense of this. Last week was the first full week in which I was getting my minimum of 80 g of protein daily. As for many of us, eating is in chore now so for a while I was not getting the required nutrients needed for this lifestyle. With this being the most aggressive form of weight loss surgery due to the malabsorption, how is this possible? My carbs are at a minimum that my plan allows, no sugar, no liquid calories unless it’s a protein shake. I’m finally hitting my 64 ounces of liquid a day. I wouldn’t say that I’m extremely active and lifting weights every single day, but I do go for a walk.
With this procedure causing one to naturally go on extreme calorie deficit and not absorb much of the nutrients from the food on top of that, is this normal at all? Did the surgery just somehow not work for me? Has this ever happened to anyone else? I’ve read every single article on here about stalling because my mind is literally racing so terribly. I used to struggle with ED really bad so now all I wanna do is just not eat anything but I know that’s counterproductive in many ways.
If anyone who has gone through this or knows anyone who’s gone through this can just share their stories, advice, or anything pertaining to this topic while I wait for my doctor to get back to me. I would greatly appreciate it.

Hi! Just wanting to share my experience with the Mirena IUD in case it helps others.
TL; dr:
Pros: I didn't get pregnant! I didn't get a period! It was easy to use.
Cons: I wanted to die and was super depressed. Probably contributed to weight gain.
Neutral: I didn't notice any changes to libido or acne.
__________
Other IUDs/BC: I used the Paragard copper IUD for 1 year prior to Mirena, but stopped because I already had heavy periods and the Paragard made them insanely heavy, so I was exhausted all the time. I hadn't tried other birth controls.
Story: I had my Mirena inserted a few weeks before getting married and in the midst of a stressful/traumatic change in my living situation. I was already fairly anxious, but within 4-6 weeks of getting the Mirena I wanted to die, was crying all the time for no particular reason, and was extremely sensitive to criticism such that conflict was very difficult for me. People in my life attributed it to my marriage and I was told it would get better within 6-12 months.
My period stopped within 3-6 months, which was great!
After 6 months, I was still feeling terrible emotionally and had some unexpected weight gain (which was concerning because of my history with eating disorders and body dysmorphia). I asked my NP about this at my annual check up, and she said neither could be side effects of the IUD and that I should "eat better and exercise more", and "get a divorce". I did the first but not the latter. Didn't help.
9-12 months in I started taking an antidepressant, which really helped with the depression and suicidal ideations.
2.5 years in, the antidepressant was less helpful, I'd had more unexpected weight gain, and I began reading others' experiences with Mirena and decided to have it removed and weaned off the antidepressant at the same time. Spouse and I switched to condoms for birth control.
Within days of getting the Mirena removed I felt so much happier and like myself again. I didn't have a "Mirena crash" or even a particularly heavy period, upon removal or since then. I've mostly just felt more alive.
I've been off the Mirena for about a year now and continue to have some ups and downs emotionally, but no suicidal ideations and only 1-2 days of crying per month instead of every day. (My crying day is *usually* right before my period, but sometimes it's just random.) My period is regular again. I've had some gradual weight loss, though not pre-Mirena at this point. (Still not sure what was causing that.) I haven't noticed any change in my libido.
I know that some people have wonderful experiences with Mirena and other IUDs, so I don't want this to discourage folks from trying them. However, if you notice yourself feeling depressed or wanting to die shortly after getting an IUD, it *could* be connected to the IUD.

Long time lurker! Like many of you, I’ve been dreaming of a breast reduction since they first came in! My chest has always been a source of insecurity and unwanted attention since I was in middle school. I’m now 31 and sick of having the extra weight on my chest. I’m tired of the neck pain, spending $$$ on bras and swimwear, searching high and low for dresses/clothing to fit my bust…I think im measuring at a 36I but I truly don’t know, I probably haven’t worn a real bra in two years.
I’m at a good place in life where opting for a reduction is tangible. I don’t want kids. I have a decent job with health insurance —Kaiser SoCal . I finally decided to discuss surgery with my PCP and she referred me to plastic surgery. I attended the seminar, and a week later the scheduling office called to schedule a phone consultation. Had the consult today and the surgeon is pushing for weight loss first. I’m 5’4 and weigh 193lbs. I’m technically just under the 34 bmi requirement. But dr said it would be ideal to lose 20lbs.
My weight has gone up in the last 5 years due to a thyroid issue that is now under control. But damn!! I feel like I got my hopes up and now a reduction could be a while away. I still requested to have an in person consultation with the surgeon and will attempt to state my case. Even when I did weigh 170lbs I was still a 34j. I feel so desperate to have these things sized down and it’s a bummer to hear I might have to wait even longer.
Also thinking I will schedule another consultation with a different surgeon for a second opinion.
If anyone has any advice or is feeling just as disillusioned as myself and wants to commiserate 😭

Recently I went to the Dr, after getting fed up with symptoms - a major concern having been excessive unexplained weight loss. They ran tests, came back with a positive tTg/IGA (result was 55.67) and refered me to a GI specialist for more testing. Still waiting to hear from the specialist, but currently I'm wondering if I should be adjusting my diet? I'm not sure how long it will take to get in and see someone, but I'd don't want to mess anything up for future testing. Any advice is appreciated!

• Age: 31 (at time of injury)
• Height & weight: 5ft5 70kg
• Gender: Female
• Medications: None prior to injury
• Smoking status: Never
• Alcohol and drugs: Drink occasionally (1-2 pints AVG a month at most), drugs dabbled with the odd joint at uni but not a drug user.
• Previous and current medical issues: Listed in post

My wife suffered a ruptured splenic aneurysm during labour. It was Asymptomatic until labour and where it first presented due to the rupture. My son passed away as a result but after a CT-A it was determined that she had a dozen aneurysms on her visceral arteries (only on Visceral arteries), the largest being a 5.8cm aneurysm on her Right hipatic artery and a ruptured splenic aneurysm which was life threatening.
They embolised the splenic and then stented the right Hipatic/coeliac arteries and saved her life after 4 surgeries and a total of 24hrs under GA and 40 units of blood. Very thankful as I was told 4 separate occasions that she wasn't going to make it. The surgeons were genuinely the nearest real life thing to Dr. house.
She currently has perfused visceral aneurysms (GDA, SMA and splenic hilum) which are unchanged in size since July 2023. Overall reassuring appearances.
We've been discharged by the Rheumatology and Lupus consultants, all infectious causes have been eliminated, and are currently in the care of the Genetics consultants. I can't name all the various teams we've met with but it's over 15 separate consults of various disciplines.
It's definitely a connective tissue disorder as my wife has many of the other 'soft' symptoms such has hyper mobility of the small joints (fingers, thumbs etc.), born with an esotropia (corrected at birth) which has started turning outwards as she's aged, hearing loss (originally diagnosed as bilateral otosclerosis but not sure now as has nerve involvement), bruises exceptionally easily (often has large purple brusies without reason or remembering how), thin skin on thighs and under arms/veins visible, relatively elastic skin, high myopia. There's more but I can't remember.
My son died at 40weeks+0 so carried to full term. Laboured to 9cm. No uterine tears, delivered through CS, stitched back no issues, healed no issues.
We have since had a full CTD Genetics panel (Something like 35 genes tested for different CTDs) all returned negative. We had been running on the presumption of VEDs up until this point but panel confirmed it was not VEDs as there's no spelling mistake on the COL3A1 gene. She does have a variation on the SKI gene but geneticist has ruled that out as the culprit as she shows no signs of any other symptoms of SKI.
No family history of anyone else having anything remotely similar. My wife is one of 4, her mum carried all to full term. Had a full post-mortem and nothing was found related. Father has had a CT-A and has no aneurysms. One sister has had an MRI and is ruled out, still waiting on her other sister and brother but none of them have any of the soft symptoms. Her maternal grandmother had 5 children no complications, her dad is one of 4 no complications either. Grandmother on the paternal side has hearing loss also.
Any ideas? We keep being told it's probably something that's not been discovered but I just don't see that being the case. Of all the possibilities VEDs seemed so likely but she still doesn't quite fit it. Really looking for absolutely any ideas we can push the geneticist for any other testing we could try?
Ultimately we want to determine the cause as we want to know the risks of another pregnancy with my wife's embryos. Another pregnancy has been ruled out but we're trying to find out the risks of using her embryos with a surrogate or if it's possible to do a PGT to make sure it isn't inherited.

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