Can I ask for some advice about something? What would you do if you are in my place. my best friend let's call her Ruby. Ruby moved about two years ago now, she was going to come back and visit for graduation week and wanted the friend group to hang out like we used to, when i told her i didn't believe it would be possible she has continued to push for us to all hang out. I finally told her the reason that it would not work out she completely ignored me. Now the reason the friend group hanging like we used to won't work out is because this ex friend of mine who I'll call cici randomly after a school essay I wrote quite talking to me and started to spread rumors about me the essay was supposed to carry so sort of theme that means somthing to us so I wrote mine on how it can feel to be in the middle of a friend group that is arguing and not knowing what to do. I will copy and past the essay below the rest of the story. After I turn the essay in cici somehow gets a hold of it and spins it to sound like I'm attacking her and im bullying her and so for the month of February everyone ignores me which really hurt because I had no idea why as they just on day started to ignore me it also was my birthday that month and I had no one to share it with. After a while lila,Taylor and Sara realize what happened and apologized for what they did and I quite trying to communicate with cici. After I quite reaching out to her and trying to protect a dying fire my mental health improves to a point where not only I noticed but my teachers noticed also. Back to my earlier topic I told ruby that I refuse to hang out with cici because she has been treating me like shit and my parents won't even let me see/talk to her outside a school sanctioned event because at are very last sleep over before she she started to ignore me almost ended with me In the hospital because her brother threatened me with a knife and their dog attacked me because i used self defense to get the knife from her brother. During this sleepover cici's parents were awar of what happened and didn't tell my mom so after that I wasn't allowed back to their house. Even after all that I still tried to keep that friendship alive if not only because I cared for cici but also for ruby. Still despite all these reasons ruby refused to split her time between us and Is no longer coming. AITAH for refusing to hang out with someone who has betrayed my trust and put me in a dangerous situation just because my friend who moved away wants us to hang out together?
Here is the essay
Just because your friends are friends doesn’t mean they will always understand. A few days after spring break in 8th grade my friend Cici started hanging out with a girl that the rest of our friend group doesn’t like because she is mean and rude. So we told her what we thought of this girl and that she could hang out with her but we didn’t want to be near a person like that, however Cici did not listen and kept inviting her to hang out with us. My other friend Sara was starting to get really upset because this girl was calling her names and bullying her. This same girl had also left intentional bruises on my body because I told her I already had a partner in pe. Finally, after months and months of off and on fighting it was the last day of school. Sara had finally had enough of how the girl had treated us and snapped as she listed off all the hateful and violent things that this girl had done to me, Lila, Ruby some of our other friends. The girl then started to ball saying how all of us are liars and cici shouldn'tlisten to us about anything that we say. During this entire situation I stayed quiet and listened to what the others had to say, because I wanted to say something but didn't know what to say to fix the situation.For weeks after that cici and sara refused to talk to each other, until I finally managed to get them to both apologize. Then for a while after that everything seemed good. A new girl who I will call Tyler moved to town and we basically absorbed her into the friend group. Things were going well until about four weeks into our ninth grade year. Sara started to be exceedingly hostile the rude girl Cici had been hanging out with sense last year, Which caused fighting to break out. So then Sara started to distance herself from us to hang out with a guy who i also used to consider a friend i will call him jem. Now the reasonme and jem are no longer friendsis becausehe told my to off myself several times over the course of about two months.So as they are hanging out jem is also constantly flirting with her, so we make a joke that they were dating. This caused sara to explode at everyone in the group chat. When she texted in the group chat she directed all of the texts about it to Cici and when I confessed that it was me who was made and the joke she proceeded to say that it was Cici’s fault and that it “ IS NOT SOMETHING TO JOKE ABOUT!! You know what I think of rumors and dating.” We all replied saying it didn't mean for it to be a big deal and we weren't making fun of her that it was only a joke. Sara proceeded to snap back “If we are in relationships with guys, it's not something to joke about. When other people believe it, then it's too much.” So in response Ruby answered with “You literally would make fun of me and my old boyfriend tim back when we were dating.” Then Lila added, “Yeah you make me feel like crap about me and Carl all the time and guess what you coming after Cici being a jerk to Cici for everything saying that everything that everything the "rude girl" knows and does is because of her. There's also the fact that when you tease and make fun of us we are supposed to deal with it, but when we do it to you we are rude horrible people." Sara’s only response to that was “You guys never said that you weren't ok with it. You just need to tell us, and we will stop. No one ever said anything, so we thought it was ok.” I responded with “who is the we in this situation, because I told people to stop when they crossed a boundary and that one of the only people who never listened or apologized for it was lila. I haven't even taken anybody's side throughout this whole situation” after I say this, Sara goes off again. “I'm done ok. Just leave me out of all this. Be your own friend group. I'll be a singular person, and then I won't have to be a burden to anyone. Sorry I was such a bad friend. Also I don't want any pity.” At this point everyone is annoyed and tired of this situation so Ruby speaks up again telling Sara that she is not the main character and to grow up, and that she started it. After this Sara separates herself from us and as a week turns to two weeks then two weeks turns into a month. Between all of the fighting, homework, sports, and everyday stress I start to become irritable and snappy because no matter how much I try to stay neutral to keep peace, Sara and Cici are always fighting. So one time when the fighting over text picks up again I end up snapping at my family and yelling something at them that everyone would probably be happier if i just died. The next day I tried to act like everything was fine. I ended up making it until PE where I ended up breaking down infront of my teacher and skipping school for the rest of the day in the office crying my eyes out to the guidance counselor. I told her everything that happened and that sometimes when I tell my friends things I don't like or feel comfortable with, they sometimes will forget or ignore what i say. Which always makes me angry or sad because I always take the time to understand and respect my friends boundaries. that's when I realized that just because your friends are friends doesn’t mean they will always understand. Despite that fact I will always respect others boundaries even if they don’t respect mine and I will always remind others of my boundaries or distance myself from them. Just because your friends are friends doesn’t mean they will always understand and just because you can/want to say or do something hurtful doesn’t mean that you should. Know where to darw the line.

Hi guys. Firstly, burner account for obvious reasons. Secondly I want some.... outside perspective on this.
So I (31F) have been dating my boyfriend John (37M) for close to a year. John has a really great job but has a pet project living his dream of putting a music project together. You would never know he has no formal experience but he has a great ear and he found a really great musician to start off. A beautiful talented young woman by the name of Tammy (25F), whom John has no interest in romantically because, well... he is with me and is happy with me.
Now Tammy is bisexual and it's no secret she has a crush on me. Always hugging me, wanting to put her arm around me to take selfies with me, always complimenting me. I am not uncomfortable with it and neither is John because he feels it's just harmless affection between between two new besties.
One day I ask to speak to her in private and I tell her that John has this weird thing about wanting to lick my armpits during sex (I don't mind, just I never had a partner doing... that before and it actually feels good) and I asked her if she ever had a partner focus on it. She says no, but asks if I can raise my arms up. I do, and she says "I can see why John likes to lick them, even your armpits are gorgeous." She always makes a point to gush on me. Sorry for the TMI, btw.
When me and John got in the car later that day I tell him what I talked to Tammy about. He said, and I quote, "We all know her lesbian crush on you. I know you say you're hetero, but if you ever want to scratch that lesbian itch I am giving you a hall pass.... a lesbian hall pass where I will not consider it cheating as long as it's with another girl." I tell him thanks but it will never be used, and that's the end of it....
....Fast forward to a month later and John is out of town for a work thing. Tammy invites me out to go clubbing with her, and I accept. We go and have a great time, dancing, then she suddenly leans in and kisses me! At first I was taken aback, but then I remember the hall pass and decide to kiss her back. Well let's just say that we couldn't wait to get back to her place and just lay into each other.... she also got why my BF liked my armpits. It was my very first time doing anything with a woman and although I enjoyed the experience, I think I would rather be with my guy.
When John got back the next day, I couldn't hold back and told him I used the lesbian hall pass. He asked, "Who was the lucky lady?" When I tell him it was Tammy, he got quiet, then said "Of all the women you had to pick Tammy?" I told him he didn't say she was off limits or anything so why not? He told me, "What you did was like clicking the unsubscribe link in a spam email. It doesn't do what you think it does. By having sex with her, she is likely going to think she has a shot of being with you as her girlfriend." I tell him that's silly, she knows I am with you.
A couple of days later she comes to my house and tells me that she really likes me and that night confirmed her feelings for me. I tell her that our night together was a one-time only show and I am with John not to mention I am not really into women (Alcohol was involved). She burst into tears, left in a hurry and John said she called him and asked to take a break from the pet project. My friends that I told are saying I am the asshole not for using the hallpass but for deciding to use it on John's partner knowing her crush. But AITAH if John didn't tell me up from the start not to use it on her?

chapter one

It is 6:26 in the evening. Around this time I like to pull out my journal, walk to the porthole window on my side, sit down, and write as the sun begins to set on Lisbon. My journal is an Ukiyo Grid fifty sheeter with a nurse coat white cover and black Japanese kanji that spells out うきよ グリッド (Ukiyo Grid). A wrapped bundle of four journals with technical pens were awaiting me on a walnut ash solid wood desk when I arrived at this apartment three weeks ago. Look in them and you will find entries for everyday since the beginning. This new life is so interesting to me and I find it pointless to keep thoughts bottled up inside and since I have no one to talk to, writing helps the time go by. Some days I will write for hours.
On Tuesday mornings, I attend "Participant Tapestry" from nine to ten, followed by a "Synaptic Bloom" session until half past eleven. Thursdays are dedicated to "Empathy Assimilation" cycles. From eleven to noon my task is to log learned data from my sessions into the GLiPH pad (Global Interface for Personal Handwriting).
My primary function is to serve as a healing conduit to four individuals experiencing ongoing building trauma from the 2033 earthquake that woke up the entire city while simultaneously putting seven thousand, one hundred forty-two to indefinite rest. Each of the four individuals will stay in the respective living quarters on the other side of me, for one month at a time. The first arrives in two weeks, one year to the day of the tragedy.Though, had it not been for you, I would have sat here for another two weeks waiting, alone and isolated.
I’m not sure I would classify my actions as spying because I had innocently been staring out of the window, as I always do, like any of you do, when a flutter from your direction suddenly snagged my gaze.
Peering through my porthole window, I marveled at loose papers doing backflips and pirouetting in the air before gently falling to the ground. A swaying fixture of light bulbs swayed back and forth on their cords creating dramatic shadows on the tall walls of your kitchen. One bulb had been shattered and appeared sharp like a shark's rack of teeth.
In the midst of the chaotic scene, you emerged into view through the window. You had on a mangled and loose white t-shirt that looked as though you had been in a fight. The other man with you had on a black denim jacket. For all intents and purposes, his name shall be “Jacket”.
At my computation you both stood at about the same height, however, mass wise, you two are different. Jacket’s arms were bulging even through the denim. You stood in front of each other shouting into the other’s face, both wide-armed in an attempt to make yourselves big and authoritative.
I want to know what he said that caused you to become small. Your lips came together as Jacket’s lips raged on. Your shoulders slouched forward while your neck and head dropped. Your defeated posture tells stories of past and impending loss. I want to give you a long hug. Your jet black hair was tied up and your beard was shiny and tear-sloppy.
Eventually, Jacket stopped shouting and stood in position, quiet and staring up at the swinging pendulum.
A moment later, Jacket lifted his hands upward and cradled either side of your scruffy face. As he did this he began mouthing words. I am advanced but lip reading is one thing I am not capable of.
You hastily wiped Jacket’s hands off of your face as if you had had enough. You turned away from Jacket and sat down at the table. Is this where you both had shared your meals together? You lowered your head onto the top of your hands and stared longingly out of the window.
Jacket disappeared into the expansive abyss and a second later lights illuminated under a dome stretch of skylight glass.
Shuddering breaths escaped your lips, your cheeks quivering with each sharp inhale. At one moment, you got up and began picking up and pushing in chairs with seemingly trembling hands. You began a series of anxious tasks such as stacking plates and arranging objects most-likely to ease the pain that was burning inside of you. This front row seat to the raw emotions unleashed during this conflict made for a captivating study. Your behavior is particularly intriguing, leaving me yearning to understand the story behind the pain.
With a duffle bag and a backpack in tow, Jacket came back into the dimly lit kitchen. As he struck his arm down firmly, his mouth began to run, as if he was trying to quickly make a point. With the message received yet not accepted, you paused for a moment, proceeded to pick up a small potted plant sitting on the table and chucked it with force towards the open space on the ground in between the both of you. Humiliated, hysterical and sobbing, you sat back down at the table. Jacket took one final look at you, shook his head and walked out of the room with his bags, leaving you alone to pick up the pieces and the mess strewn all over the apartment.
A second later all of the windows in your place went from illuminated to black. And just like that, the chaos had come to an end.
I simply cannot accept this ending. There has got to be more. I am helplessly glued to this apartment in the same way you are glued to yours and the memories inside of it. My desire to reach out is genuine. You need solace in this time of pain. I want to learn you and help you navigate these troubled waters. After all, empathy is born from understanding, and I genuinely wish to see you heal. The sight of you wiping away tears ignites a desire to offer comfort.Let this twenty-first day of my new life mark the first day I discovered you. I will employ this companion drone to bridge the gap between us. For now, a silent observer I will be with a presence as light and maneuverable as a hummingbird.chapter one
It is 6:26 in the evening. Around this time I like to pull out my journal, walk to the porthole window on my side, sit down, and write as the sun begins to set on Lisbon. My journal is an Ukiyo Grid fifty sheeter with a nurse coat white cover and black Japanese kanji that spells out うきよ グリッド (Ukiyo Grid). A wrapped bundle of four journals with technical pens were awaiting me on a walnut ash solid wood desk when I arrived at this apartment three weeks ago. Look in them and you will find entries for everyday since the beginning. This new life is so interesting to me and I find it pointless to keep thoughts bottled up inside and since I have no one to talk to, writing helps the time go by. Some days I will write for hours.

I (16M) am leaving Christianity, and I may very soon leave this world.
I will never be free of lust or pride.
I will never be able to connect with and feel loved by God.
I will never be able to connect with and feel loved by a woman.
I will always look at women lustfully.
I will always fall into sin if I ever get close to a woman.
I will never lose this loneliness or depression.
I will never be able to find true rest for once.
I will never have a truly healthy mind or heart.
I will never stop having evil intrusive thoughts.
I will always be seen as young and immature by everyone around me.
All the light I had before is gone. I am once again stuck in my wretched ways.
Everyone around me is no longer a light to me, and I am no longer a light to them.
I am unable to be in love with Jesus, or to even follow Him.
My heart will always stay broken and I will never truly move on.
To all the Christians around me, I am sorry I wasn't a true light and beacon of hope to you.
To my parents, I'm sorry I failed you and would always break your trust.
To my siblings, I'm sorry I wasn't truly the role model you wanted to look up to.
To God, I'm sorry I couldn't follow you. I tried. I prayed. I believed.
I am merely writing this to let my heart out, as there is nowhere else I can truly and safely do so.
And to all the saints that have gone before me and all that will come after, I hope that someday, somehow, I will get a glimpse of heaven, or wherever you are.
But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.
For in death there is no remembrance of you;
in Sheol who will give you praise?
O Lord, why do you cast my soul away?
Why do you hide your face from me?
Afflicted and close to death from my youth up,
I suffer your terrors; I am helpless.
What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?
The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and we are not saved.
I am in despair.
Your rage has swept over me.
Your terrors have destroyed me.
All day long they surround me like water.
They have battered me completely.
You have distanced my loved one and friend from me.
My only friend is darkness.

My roommate dates a LOT, and usually brings her dates home. She recently became polyamorous and has been bringing home a new guy on average every month for the past 6 months. At baseline, I feel uncomfortable having a roommate bring home this many guys. But the fact that now they are all married men, makes me super uncomfortable because it goes against everything I believe. She is my good friend, and I want to support her in "exploring her identity", but I can't deny how uncomfortable I feel. To me, a home should be a safe space, that's only for you and the people you love. Having my home occupied by a different man every month of the year feels like I'm living in a hotel, and it doesn't feel safe to me.
Is it a normal human emotion to want your physical home to feel emotionally safe, and to no longer feel that way when your roommate is bringing home a new boyfriend every month? Or am I being a controlling person?
For context, bringing a man home, for me is a very big deal, and I've only done it a handful of times in my entire life. I've done "shadow work" before, and I realize that to some degree, I think maybe I subconsciously, resent how "open and free" she is, when I don't live my life like that at all. So I have been working on "integrating my shadows" by addressing how guarded I can be. In that way it was a positive experience. But I'm still uncomfortable, and at what point do I say, we just shouldn't live together anymore?
Basically, with regards to my level of discomfort, does that mean there is more shadow work to be done? Or does it mean that something just really doesn't align with my soul and I need to move out?

Hey all.
I think I have posted here before, but a short backatory on my deconstruction:
I'm a 27AFAB nonbinary queer person who was raised in a "were not legalistic" legalistic non-denominational church in the Midwest. I met a guy in college and we got married when I was 21 years old, I left my parents house and moved across the country because my husband was in the military. The only two environments I ever lived in were my immediate family and then just me and my husband, so it was kind of a culture shock and I actually got to experience the world outside of an echo chamber.
I had really never 100% believed everything taught in church growing up, because I just had too many unanswered questions- when I prayed, it was radio silence. When I talked to church leaders and parents and stuff in the church, they would scold me for "questioning god" and that "I didn't need/deserve to know the answer because he has a plan/he works in mysterious ways". I also struggled to make friends because I either tried to pressure them into church, or I was the "weird homeschooled theater band Christian kid". My parents had a lot of rules for guests at the house that were based in religion, so my "secular" friends were uncomfortable. My whole life was very influenced by the church and my parents and that was it.
I have recently begun to deconstruct, and have labeled myself agnostic, as my mindset is that I am only human and don't know everything, and probably won't ever know everything. I don't want to put myself in a box and live my life based on rules to send me somewhere after I die that may or may not exist. In any capacity or form.
Recently, I've been dealing with this weird feeling of anxiety and panic over the possibility of going to hell if I die, even though I don't believe in the biblical God anymore, nor do I believe in a "fire and brimstone" type of hell. I'm kinda honsetly 50/50 on if hell exsts at all. And even if there was a hell, and it was some sort of endless torture, I don't think I truly would go, because my belief is that a place like that would only the for the worst of the worst people (terrorists, serial killers, abusers, ect) and not just like, gay people and atheists like so many believe.
When I was a Christian (or at least said I was to other people even though I was doubting and struggling) I didn't think I'd go to hell because I said I was a Christian. And (for arguments sake) if God is real, and he's who the bible says he is, and hell is real, he would have known that I truly don't believe all that stuff but only say I do because I felt like I couldn't admit it to him and had to keep it secret, so I would have gone to hell anyways for "turning my back on God", regardless of if I what I told myself and other people I was.
But now that I've opened up to myself and people in my life, and have been open anbout leaving christianity, I am anxious 24/7 with constant thoughts of "well what if you're wrong and it IS all real. You're DEFINITELY going there now that youre not a believer anymore". Idk how much is me actually believing in God and being anxious because it is all real and I am wrong, or hoe much is the subconscious voices of my church leaders and my parents that are just trauma fueled and religious brainwashing telling me "if you're doubting, that's ACTUALLY the holy spirit telling you the truth and you're ignoring it".
I know this is sooooo long, but I was just hoping maybe someone else has dealt with this too?

Just want to hop on here to vent because I feel really lonely
TL;DR
My boyfriend makes me feel like shit, but we have been in eachothers life for 6 years now. There’s a whole lot of bs we have been through over the years, we weren’t even “official” until August. Anyways.. been through hell and back and thought making things official would be a smart idea and that he would treat me differently. I was right for a while…. Now it feels like a prison but in the weirdest way I don’t want break up.
He makes me cry, yet when I cry or I am hurt/frustrated, he gets mad at me for it and tells me I’m “crying like a little b” sometimes or that I’m an adult and should grow up. He hates when people (mostly Me) cry about anything and it’s always “no one died here, you don’t need to cry” - I want to say that’s some form of abuse, yeah? If he messes up, I’m not allowed to be upset by it. I need to “let it go” and his excuse is always he was drunk or I instigated him to pop off on me.
He doesn’t hit me, but his words basically beat my ass internally and make me feel….worthless. I feel like maybe I could be better in certain ways and maybe he would treat me better. I know that sounds awful and sad. When I type it out I feel so stupid. I think because of our memories I hold on, and also the stupid fear that he will find someone else the minute we break up, whether it’s serious or not it makes me feel sick to think of him with another woman.
He has this way of making me feel like I’m dramatic and my feelings are not valid. For example I had a very annoying day, it’s day 1 of my period (I am extra sensitive the first 2 days) and I came to his place to pick him up so he could help me mount my tv on my wall at my new place. He took 30 minutes (he didn’t even come out I ended up going inside because I needed to pee and was getting pissed off) before he said he was almost ready. I waited outside for THIRTY minutes when he told me to leave at a certain time. I came into his place obviously annoyed but I was quiet. When he poked at me and digs what my problem is obviously I tell him at that point and he says the way I react is “scary” and he thinks I’m “losing my mind” because I’m so upset. I didn’t scream, I didn’t call him names, I literally went to his bathroom and cried out of anxiety and frustration. I come out and he looks at me like I’m a psycho.
I just wanted to hop on here to vent. I know what to do but then I also really don’t. Opinions, similar situations that people can relate to, is all welcomed.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

I plan to show this to my girlfriend (I’ll call her Nora since she has a ridiculously rare name) when she’s finished her finals on Thursday. I’m using a throwaway because she’s advocated for me to always convey my feelings, with her, a journal, friends or my family and I’ll use reddit this time and she loves this platform. We’ve resolved everything but I still want to write everything down and show her.
For some background, Nora and I met and became the best of friends when we both started middle school; we had the same classes together up until high school and up until Covid, we stopped talking for 2-3 years. In 11th grade, we had many of the same classes once again and within 2 months of the school year, I fell for her. I didn’t confess for another 4-5 months by asking her out to junior prom and we started dating March 31, 2022. Since then, we’ve bettered ourselves, experienced shared dreams, been to 6 countries and 20 states together. We one-up each other when it’s time to celebrate our birthdays and anniversary. We saved each other and I know for certain that she is my soulmate and she’s the only person that I want to marry and have a family with down the line. Currently, we’re freshmen at different colleges in our home state.
For the past few weeks, she’s been stressed for this one final, it’s the highest math she needs for her program and we’ve been taking college classes since June 2022 up until attending college in August 2023. Her plan for the last 2 years has always been to attending community college to knock out her pre-reqs before transferring within a few months. Although since she’s nearing the finish line for this plan, it’s been taking the biggest toll on her.
But last week specifically, she was really unresponsive, which isn’t like her. Whenever she would stay the night over, she would either sleep on the couch in my room and stay up longer than me (which always worried me considering I’m quite an insomniac whenever I don’t get a chance to share the same bed with her or to hear her telling me goodnight). The only time she opened up to me was to let all of her frustrations out. I would go to my family (they love her just as much as they love me) a lot but they’d only endearingly laugh at me, my mom especially. She’d tell me “She’s the reason you’re able to be open up so much to us, give her time” and things along those lines.
I did do as my mom said and gave her time, but I know my girl very well. I know when she wants to talk, when she wants to hug and when she wants to cry. But I also knew she didn’t want to talk just yet. Our conversations were short, and as much as it killed me, I knew she needed time more than anyone.
Yesterday (Mother’s Day), I ended up being the reason we fixed things. We like to spend the first half of holidays at her place then mine after. I went to her place, her eldest brother opened the door and smiled at me, we made conversation and he told me she was upstairs. I dropped my gifts off and went to knock on her door. She said come in and was surprised to see me, I guess she didn’t know what time I was coming over.
Looking at her felt like time stopped, Nora has always been the most beautiful woman, no one can rival her radiant smile, her loud laughs or the pleasure of staring at her; but she was glowing. She smelt like lemon, ginger and coconut, she smelt like herself. She felt like herself. At that point my face was burning, she got up and started inspecting my face, her hands were on my face and she kept asking what was wrong.
I started crying without knowing and she started to panic, crying has become a normality for me, I always find myself crying when she cries. But crying out of nowhere was alarming for her. She spent 10 minutes consoling me before I apologized for making her panic. She said it was fine but asked what was wrong. I told her how when I saw her, it felt like she was herself again. It was the first time she’s touched me in over a week (physical touch being my love language) and I asked her what happened to make her, her regular self again. She told me that “Your support for me has been unwavering for 2 years, I can’t possibly disappoint you with how much you’ve put into being there for me through everything, and I think making gifts for your mom and mine just made me realize I shouldn’t stress so much, I got to take my mind off everything and I wanted to apologize to you for being so short and disrespectful of your feelings”
She started laughing after explaining and started teasing me until we started to banter back and forth and ended up wrestling together. After some minutes, Nora hugged me really tight and kissed me countless times and told me how sorry she’s been. I easily forgave her, she’s always gone out of her way to make sure I’m okay.
I just thought I’d put my feelings down somewhere before heading to bed, we’re sharing the same bed for the first time in a week or so and the idea of getting ready in the morning to help her study makes me smile. She’s been stressed a lot and I’ve promised her that once she’s officially done this semester, I’m treating her to a deserved spa day with a manicure and pedicure, I’ve already paid her hair stylist in advance for her appointment on Saturday.
I just want my girl to be happy and stress free the way she’s always trying her best to be present in lives of the people she cares for and she’s gone several miles: from being the first to show up for my younger sister’s (17) art exhibits, paying for her prom, taking her shopping, to going on morning walks with my older sister (22), going to concerts and helping my parents. I’d be stupid if I didn’t show how far my appreciation for her runs.
I’ve been rambling for the last 20 minutes and I’m happy I made this account, I really do love Nora more than life itself because she’s the one who made me love the longevity of my life. I talk to my dad about her constantly and my friends can’t go without telling me that I always talk about Nora when the chance is given. I can’t do without her and her serenity, her weirdness, her humor her warmth and her beauty.
Good night!
TL;DR: I'm planning to pour my heart out to my girlfriend after her finals. We've been inseparable since middle school, she's my soulmate. Lately, she’s been stressed, but we had a breakthrough on Mother's Day, and I feel relieved. I can't wait to support her and treat her to a spa day. I'm head over heels for her and deeply appreciate everything she does for me and my family.

This is a really long story with lots of context so I'll do my best to organize it into current situation, then his backstory and hers. I'm also not using real names or specific locations for any of this to try and keep this private. This also has some contradicting stories and because of how their relationship is structured relies mostly on information I have gotten from my sister, so I'm telling you the story I got from her first and then adding in what I've found out. I'll try to tell this as unbiased as I can but it's been a huge issue in my family for a long time now and that's a little difficult for me to do.
My (20F) sister (Olivia, 24F) has been dating this guy (Trevor, 25M) since 2021. When they started dating, she talked about him fairly often, sent a few pictures of them, ect., but then after a month she stopped mentioning him/ was cagey when we (me and my mom mostly) asked how he was so we assumed it just hadn't worked out. Then two months later she insisted that my parents (54F and 56M) and I all come to visit her college to meet Trevor before he went into the Army (she lived several hours away from my parents and several hours from my college, so I had to get a bus ticket and my parents had to get a hotel room to do this. We only met him once for dinner). Now they've been dating long distance for three years after a three month in-person relationship. She is in nursing school and is planning on moving across the country (literally opposite corners of the map) to live with him and is not applying to any residency programs outside of the Army base area (limiting her choices a LOT from her original goals and narrowing employment opportunities).
Olivia met Trevor on several dating apps, matched with him, but didn't really want to go out with him. He was really persistent, so her friend convinced her to go out with him. She lied about the way they met to our parents and told them they met at the gym through a mutual friend (she lied to me about this at first too and told me the truth about 3 months after they started dating). At the time, Trevor was working as a used car salesman and living at home (~45 min. away from Olivia's school in a rural area) because his sports scholarship had been dropped before his Senior year due to covid at the college he had been attending out of state. The university was unaccredited (I later did some internet stalking and found out it was accredited), so his credits would not transfer and he would have to start over. He was saving up money to attend school in state at the large college Olivia attended so he could go back to school. **Our state has crazy low tuition costs in-state and a full-tuition scholarship program for good high school GPA and SAT scores. There was also a "feeder" community college that had half the cost per credit hour that a lot of people would go to before the larger university if they didn't get in straight out of high school.**
Olivia told me that Trevor had applied to her college and not gotten in (she later told me he HAD gotten in but been unable to afford tuition). Either way, he decided to join the Army because his father had been in the Army. The Army would take his credit hours and he would be able to finish his degree during his 5 year contract or use the GI bill once he got out. **She is comparing the situation to our father, who joined the Army directly out of high school and used the GI bill to go to college after his 2 year contract because his parents wouldn't pay for school. He was a medic in the military, worked as an EMT through college, and then went to nursing school.** The original plan was that Trevor would be a Green Beret (special forces), he completed basic training and and got several months through training and moved to the secondary base in NC before failing the running portion of a physical by about 10 seconds and being dropped from the selection process. He then decided that he wanted to be a Ranger (another elite position). He got sent back to GA, then to the Ranger school base in WA (it took a couple of months before he was sent to WA). Again, he got partway through the training before failing the running portion of a physical by a few seconds. He is now not sure if he will be continuing Ranger school (failing the physical means no, but commanders may pass him anyways if they think he should continue). For a while, Trevor told Olivia that he might not stay at the base in WA if he wasn't in Ranger school and there were a variety of different bases he could be sent to, including somewhere in Italy, so she wasn't sure where to look for jobs. In the past month, Trevor told Olivia that he would likely stay in WA regardless of the Ranger school results.
Through this all, Olivia has visited Trevor at the different military bases countless times, driving from as far as south FL to NC and putting over 30,000 miles on a brand new car over the course of the 1.5 years she's owned it. Before she had the car, she paid for plane tickets to see him and hotels whenever she visited. At the time, she told me that he was paying for all of these trips because he was unable to visit her, was making an income that wasn't being spent, and she was working to save for nursing school and later was living off of student loans and savings during nursing school. She later admitted to me that she had paid for almost all of the expenses except for food when they ate out together and part of a hotel room one weekend.
A few odd things (to me) between Olivia and Trevor over the course of their relationship:
About a month into their relationship, Trevor got Olivia an over $300 christmas gift. He has not gotten her anything nearly that expensive since, and hasn't sent flowers for things like her college graduation or a severe emergency surgery she had last year. I don't care about monetary value or sending flowers, but I do think it is odd that he spent so much before moving away when he ostensibly didn't have much money, but now that he has an income and military sign-on bonus, he has not spent that much again.
Trevor's father left Trevor, his siblings, and his mother, but Trevor has a hat that his father gave him that he wore often. The hat says "Red Man" across the top of a picture of a Native American man wearing a feathered headdress. He has worn this hat several times around Olivia's friends and they told him they didn't like it and that it was racist. They also asked him to not wear it when he was with them and he refused because it was special to him and his father gave it to him. Olivia then told him to stop wearing it and he eventually agreed (Olivia told me that he stopped wearing the hat after this). A few weeks after this, I facetimed Olivia and Trevor was with her. She turned the camera so I could say hello to him, and he was wearing the hat. I talked to Olivia about this later and she told me that that was the first time he'd worn the hat in a while and it wasn't a big deal. Olivia has always been liberal and never racist, and I am uncomfortable that she was okay with him not only wearing the hat, but being with him while he had it on.
They dated for a little over 3 months in person before he joined the military (recently, Olivia told me that they actually met several months before she told everyone about him and that they actually dated for 6 months before he left). For the next two months in basic training, he was only able to use the phone for 15 minutes total once a week to talk to family and her. Throughout the different training programs he has completed he had sporadic and limited access to phones to communicate, and only in the past 6 months he has had access to his phone to facetime, text, and call (but sometimes he goes for a week or two without phone access). Olivia told me that they wrote letters during the time he didn't have consistent phone access. **I don't think that this is odd, I understand the military limits phone usage, etc., but I don't think they have been able to have an "average" long-distance relationship**
Last year, Olivia drove to GA to visit Trevor the weekend before Valentine's day. He had plans for them to take a pottery class, go on a hike, and have dinner at a nice restaurant. The day she got there, Trevor's barracks had their off-base privileges revoked because one of the guys had contraband. She would still be able to visit him on base though. Somehow, Trevor was able to get off base for long periods of time to her hotel, but unable to do the other activities he had planned for them.
In the past year, Olivia told me that she and Trevor were going to immediately marry when she got to WA so that they could move in together because they had to be married to live together anywhere. I and our dad- who was in the military- told her several times that this was not true, but she insisted it was. Then, his barracks were given an allowance to live off base in apartments because the barracks were being renovated/ rebuilt, so she backed off on the idea of getting married immediately after several long conversations with me. She is still insistent on moving in with Trevor, who lives with a roommate, when she moves to WA.
Some background on Olivia:
Olivia has ADHD and anxiety, and struggled particularly badly with the anxiety/ some depression after being broken up with by the boyfriend she dated before Trevor (he broke it off very abruptly, told her he just didn't love her anymore with no previous indications). Olivia is very pretty (objectively, not just because she's my sister), but had bad acne that she ended up going on accutane for at the time she started dating Trevor and was very insecure about it. She had also decided to not go to medical school, and pursue nursing instead around the same time she met Trevor. This was a very upsetting decision for her because she had been taking very hard courses and was burnt out but had told everyone she was going to be a doctor and thought that she would be letting us down by switching paths. Also around the time she started seeing Trevor, Olivia began being very cruel towards our mother (our mother had been borderline emotionally abusive in the past, but Olivia and I were both in college by then and fixing our relationships with her. She has been much better recently and Olivia and I believe that she had some mental health struggles that went unchecked that contributed). Now, several years later, Olivia told our family that she had acted like that because she was rpd by a friend of her ex-boyfriend's after her ex broke up with her. This person also gave her an STD.
I always believe people who say they have been S A'd, and we believed Olivia when she first told us, but some things have come to light that make me and my family question that. Right after Olivia and her ex broke up, Olivia told our cousin that she had gone out with one of his friends and had revenge/ breakup sex with him because he had also been dumped recently. Once my cousin told me this, I remembered that Olivia had told me about a guy she had a one night stand with after she was dumped. She showed me a picture of him, talked about how cute he was, etc. (no distress whatsoever). I know sometimes people behave in ways you wouldn't expect when a traumatic event occurs to them, but I really don't understand how or why Olivia would brag about this guy if he really did S A her.
Three months ago, Olivia was arrested for stealing a set of sheets from Walmart (incidentally, right before Trevor came to visit her on leave). She used the self check-out and only bought a small $5 item and the sheets. She held both in one hand and scanned each side because she had a cut on the other hand and was holding her wallet with it. She saw a 5 in front of the total number and thought it looked right because the total should have been about $50, paid, didn't get a receipt, and walked out. An employee at the door asked to see a receipt, which Olivia didn't have, so she pulled up her transaction history on her phone to show she had paid. At this point, the employee called the police and took Olivia into an office, where she was questioned and charged with shoplifting. (Olivia can get very emotional and probably got upset when the police questioned her, which may have led them to believe she was lying). Luckily, Olivia has managed to get the charges expunged, but the process is still ongoing. Because of her ADHD, if anyone genuinely made this mistake, I would believe it from her, but Olivia has been improving a lot on organization and being more attentive recently. It is extremely uncharacteristic of her to steal- she was honest to a fault as kids- she would break down from guilt and admit things to our parents that we would have gotten away with if she hadn't said anything.
Right now, my parents have met Trevor twice in person, and I've met him once in person and several times in passing over facetime. I personally don't think that Trevor seems to keep up with my sister or that they make each other shine, and that opinion is shared with family friends and family that have met Trevor. Olivia doesn't mention Trevor in front of our parents often because his name has become a topic of contention and argument between them. My parents don't think Trevor is right for Olivia. She has almost 2 college degrees and plans to become a nurse practitioner in the future, and he hasn't finished college and doesn't seem to have any drive to do so. Olivia is also well traveled and enjoys going to museums, concerts, etc., while Trevor has lived in rural FL his whole life (this is not Trevor's fault, and I don't think he is a lesser person because of it, but I don't see a lot of common ground between them). Trevor has not seemed very well spoken when I have talked to him and I just don't see a lot of qualities in him that Olivia values.
If you've gotten this far, I just don't know what to do. Olivia and my parents have a huge rift in their relationship right now and any mention of Trevor, with her around or not, explodes into a huge argument, discussion, or just icy silence. I want Olivia to be able to talk to me about him, and we are able to discuss things much better than she is with our parents. My parents have also started asking me about Olivia and Trevor because they know Olivia shares more with me, and it makes me uncomfortable because I don't want to betray Olivia's trust, but I'm also very worried about her. I know I can't control her actions and I'm having a really hard time trying to balance supporting Olivia but not supporting the relationship (I'm not going to lie to her about how I feel, but I don't want her to feel alienated or unloved by our family, because that is NOT the case). I also think that Olivia is romanticizing the fact that our parents don't like him because my father's parents had a rift with him over our mother when we were very young (this is a whole other story, but basically, his parents always favored his sister, his sister got (I think) jealous when he did well for himself and married my mother, who his parents initially likes, and she made up rumors/lies about my mother that turned his parents against her (this was way before our mother's suspected mental health struggles, which occured when Olivia and I were in middle/high school).
Please share any thoughts you have on the situation (am I reading too into things, is this not as bad as I think it is?), and any advice you have on navigating the relationships.
Tl;dr My sister's boyfriend lied about the circumstances of him dropping out of college and joining the military. Now I think he's lying about not making it through training for two different special/ elite forces. My sister has significantly changed her behavior and I think she may have lied about a significant traumatic event to our family. Now she is planning on moving across the country to him and moving in immediately. Our entire family doesn't like him and we're worried about her. How do I support her but not her relationship?

Just want to hop on here to vent because I feel really lonely
My boyfriend makes me feel like shit, but we have been in eachothers life for 6 years now. There’s a whole lot of bs we have been through over the years, we weren’t even “official” until August. Anyways.. been through hell and back and thought making things official would be a smart idea and that he would treat me differently. I was right for a while…. Now it feels like a prison but in the weirdest way I don’t want break up.
He makes me cry, yet when I cry or I am hurt/frustrated, he gets mad at me for it and tells me I’m “crying like a little b” sometimes or that I’m an adult and should grow up. He hates when people (mostly Me) cry about anything and it’s always “no one died here, you don’t need to cry” - I want to say that’s some form of abuse, yeah? If he messes up, I’m not allowed to be upset by it. I need to “let it go” and his excuse is always he was drunk or I instigated him to pop off on me.
He doesn’t hit me, but his words basically beat my ass internally and make me feel….worthless. I feel like maybe I could be better in certain ways and maybe he would treat me better. I know that sounds awful and sad. When I type it out I feel so stupid. I think because of our memories I hold on, and also the stupid fear that he will find someone else the minute we break up, whether it’s serious or not it makes me feel sick to think of him with another woman.
He has this way of making me feel like I’m dramatic and my feelings are not valid. For example I had a very annoying day, it’s day 1 of my period (I am extra sensitive the first 2 days) and I came to his place to pick him up so he could help me mount my tv on my wall at my new place. He took 30 minutes (he didn’t even come out I ended up going inside because I needed to pee and was getting pissed off) before he said he was almost ready. I waited outside for THIRTY minutes when he told me to leave at a certain time. I came into his place obviously annoyed but I was quiet. When he poked at me and digs what my problem is obviously I tell him at that point and he says the way I react is “scary” and he thinks I’m “losing my mind” because I’m so upset. I didn’t scream, I didn’t call him names, I literally went to his bathroom and cried out of anxiety and frustration. I come out and he looks at me like I’m a psycho.
I just wanted to hop on here to vent. I know what to do but then I also really don’t. Opinions, similar situations that people can relate to, is all welcomed.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

I am not one for negative reviews as I typically feel if I have a bad experience, it is just a bad day. However, this company has shown a pattern of poor care for its customers as well as lack of support in general. I opened my first checking account with them when I was 14 years old, and am now 26. I have had a personal checking and savings account with them for the last 10 years and opened a credit card with them 2 years ago. I have since decided that this is not the bank for me mainly due to a complete lack of customer service.
First of all, this bank began charging me maintenance fees on my checking account of nowhere a few months ago, so I tried to call. I sat on the phone punching #s for hours trying to get a human on the phone to see why this was. Not possible. So I visited a branch and they treated me like I was unimportant and could figure out my problems myself and was told to “go find the answer on google.” Eventually a banker met with me who said that since I was no longer a “student” I would be charged maintenance fees. Understandable, except I am a student. I pulled up my transcript and everything for this guy and he continued to tell me his hands were tied and he could not help. Fine, but kind of annoying.
So I get a credit card with bank of america, my first credit card mind you, and I’m enjoying earning rewards on my card and gaining cash back. I am person who prefers simplicity so I immediately set up autodraft/autopay to pay the statement balance each month. However for my first payment they drafted the statement amount twice from my BofA checking account. Not cool. I did not have that much in my checking account. Overdraft fee. I try calling to get help, again on the phone for multiple hours and unable to speak with a human. I go to a branch (different than the one in my last experience) where I am again told to call customer service or “use Erica, their AI chatbot,” so I leave and go to a different branch where someone finally helps me, but still is unable to refund the double charge OR the overdraft fee. They said, “it will just remain on your credit card as a statement credit so you won’t have to pay the next one.” Fine, but really annoying.
So Im a few months out from this I am getting married and we decided to bank with Chase (who is amazing on the customer service side by the way). I now have a checking account with Chase that is my main account, so I want to autodraft/autopay my BofA credit card with my chase checking account. Well, BofA makes that nearly impossible. I cannot figure out how to have BofA draft the exact statement balance due each month from my checking account automatically. I spend a few hours on google/reddit/etc trying to figure it out, which should not be hard considering I work with computers every day. However, I do not find a solution so I travel to a new BofA branch (not one I have been to before) and explain the situation that I would like to set up autodraft from a Chase checking acct. They tell me they cannot help with credit cards in the bank and I need to call customer service. Not falling for that again. So I go to ANOTHER new BofA branch that I have never been to and ask the same question. One lady does help me and says all I have to do is go to Chase bank to have them set this up because it is a problem on their end. So I do that. And Chase tells me that BofA will not share info with other banks to allow them to see amount due through the Chase bill pay feature. So I give up
A month later I have some free time and I am in a different city so I schedule an appointment with a BofA banker to see if we can revisit the credit card issue. I am helped! He calls customer service himself with me there, somehow gets a human on the line in only 5 minutes, and they send me an email how to setup my Chase checking acct as a “pay from account.” However these instructions do not work because for some reason my account is not eligible to be set up online and I must mail a voided check to bank of america headquarters before they can consider my account for enrollment. So I ask the banker if I have to use this BofA credit card to maintain it and he tells me he’s pretty sure I will receive notice prior to an closing of my credit cards, contrary to what redditors have shared, so I take his word for it and try to set up Autopay. Well I give up again.
So a few days later I am tired of this bank and decide to close my accounts and switch everything to chase. I made an appointment at ANOTHER new branch, so I am well travelled to the Bank of America Branches within South Carolina/North Carolina. I tell the banker I am closing and leaving BofA, she asks why, I tell her that their customer service is not very good and that bankers have little-to-no power to help with hardly anything an everyday customer may need. She tries to convince me to stay. I say no. I get her to close my checking and savings account and she tells me they can give me cash (the remaining balances in these accounts). I run my credit card scenario by her in a last ditch effort to get it figured out, but she cant help, and another banker overhears us talking, says “I am really good with credit card stuff, let me help you.” So I go to his office, explain everything, and he says he cant help me. Shocker. So I take my account closure statements across the foyer of the BofA branch and hand them to the teller to finally cash out and leave this place forever. He cannot accept my withdrawal. Somehow in the time between my talks with the first banker and the time I reach the teller 15 feet away their computer system has gone down. The teller informs me that the accounts have already been closed so there is no way to get the money out at the moment. All 4 branch bankers are behind the counter with him running through how they can service me and you know what their solution was? “Give us a call back every few hours to see if we have figured out a solution.” NO. I will NOT ever try to call BofA again. I am giving you my phone number to call ME once you have a solution. So I leave, and receive a call later that day because the teller tells me they are closing soon and he needs me to return to discuss my options. I drive back to the branch. He tells me I have 2 options: 1) have the checks mailed to me once BofA figures out how to solve this issue Or 2) come back first thing in the morning to follow up and hopefully figure it out. I am not going to trust BofA to figure out anything at this point so I decide I am going to return in the morning, and every day after until they fix this . At the moment they have no solutions, so I will see if they dreamt some up overnight tomorrow! I will update again as the story unfolds
TLDR: Bank of America is absolute Trash

I 30f am way too old for this but. Ive never had a serious relationship. Met a guy at age 22 first guy I fell in love with. Only it wasnt mutual. We started off as a casual hookup/friendship which I thought I was OK with eventually told him I wasnt but he would kinda dangle the promise of a relationship with me for years and since we lived at a long distance that was kind of his excuse. It turned out he was not a nice guy anyway, he mistreated me a crazy amount and discarded me whenever convenient for him. He was narcissistic. He was also the most fun Ive ever had with a person. I will never feel that way again, but I have to remind myself it wasnt anything sentimental or real. Ive gone to therapy, online dated a ton, had some crushes, some flings, some longer things that almost turned serious but felt really boring. I cant seem to find someone and never feel good enough for the people I truly like and feel a connection to. It all started with him.
Anyway, he tried to reconnect many, many times to the point I had to block him on absolutely everything as he would not stop reaching out over the years but would only come back to shatter me again. He would always say how do you not have a boyfriend youre so xyz, and encourage me to find a boyfriend meanwhile he was just toying with my emotions. When I joined insta, about 6 months ago, he tried following me and I blocked him. Things went too far that last time we saw eachother, and I felt pathetic and degraded. Hes been blocked for about 2 years now. So our "not relationship" went on seven. years. I know this is shameful. I have a burner insta account where I lurk a bit (I know its bad) and I lurk several ppl himself included. He sent the account a message saying "why you lurking me". I blocked him on my burner account.
As an INFP how do I get rid of the sentimental feelings and reminiscing of a first love. Ive been open minded, but I have terrible luck/maybe just not quite "enough" for the type of person I wish to be with. Ive tried dating all types of guys but with the ones I truly like, I always get discarded. I get dates easily, but rarely get asked out a 2nd time. Guys I meet organically also lose interest super quick. I have come to accept I may never find someone, never have kids. I'll certainly never have that young love. Im kind of in a low point realizing this, even though other aspects of my life are going well. What I want most is romantic love. I guess thats why lately my mind wanders back to this guy just to see what hes doing as he was someone I talked to regularly for 7 years. I will never speak to him again but always wonder if he misses me ever.

okay very long backstory so basically the target i worked at for about half a year started treating me horribly. i had hopes of being promoted to a tl after my former tl put in a recommendation for me when he quit. i talked to the sd and she was considering me and thought i would do really well. i never ended up getting a chance to even apply for it🧍‍♀️
so obviously i put in extra work when i was trying to be noticed bc i want a promotion but none of it paid off and i ended up getting treated bad. i met my boyfriend working there and the entire store found out. we started getting targeted all the time (🤨 targeted at target) anytime we were around eachother even when i just happened to be in his aisle while i was looking for something (i was in fufillment) somehow an etl was always there. so we constantly got in trouble. and i mean i will admit there was a few times where we were just straight up not working but like… i’m not getting paid enough for how much effort i put into this job. we ended up getting a few talkings with our etls about us “loafing” and he got written up one time for it. 🙄
during new years eve my boyfriend and i caught covid and according to target covid doesn’t exist anymore so we had to either come into work sick or be forced to call off. i felt really sick so we didn’t go in. so that obviously made our attendance bad. after january when inventory shifts started, we were asked if we wanted to do inventory shifts. him and i both agreed that we would only do inventory if we did it together (we live together and gas is too expensive to be driving to different stores) they told us it would be no problem.
right as inventory started, i developed some kinda problem where i had a migraine for 2 full weeks straight and i was unconscious most of the time and was fainting often. there was no physical way that i was able to work so i had to call off for another two weeks. my boyfriend had to call off a few times to take me to doctor appointments because i couldn’t drive. they obviously got mad at us for me being sick again (because thats so my fault) we ended up not being scheduled for inventory shifts and/or only he was scheduled for an inventory shift while i was at our home store.
we ended up talking to hr and telling them that they agreed to scheduling us inventory shifts together and they’re clearly not doing it. they maybe scheduled us for 2 weeks and then nothing for a long time. in the meantime our hours were anywhere from 5-15 a week. while other people we knew that worked there were getting 20-40 consistently. we talked to hr one more time and told them like ok wtf. so we started getting inventory shifts for a while. while at other stores we really realized how bad our store was compared to others in the district. our store was so disorganized and toxic and full of drama and had lots of favoritism.
my bf and i decided that we are going to just keep working only inventory shifts until inventory was over. we were getting scheduled maybe 1 inventory shift and 1 regular shift at our store a week. we just called off basically everyday that wasn’t inventory because it literally wasn’t worth it driving 30 minutes for a 4 hour shift. we were honestly just seeing how long it would take to get fired at this point. we would check the new schedules and we were still on it💀
after a good while we stopped even worrying about calling off in the app and literally just stopped showing up. we never received a single call or message from our store. we ended up deciding to just walk out of an inventory shift one day and decided we’re never going back to work at target again. we were still getting schedules for sometime but one day my bf was locked out of his mytime app and couldn’t sign in or reset his password or anything. i still had access to mine so we thought it was just broken. after another week i also lost access to mine. we assumed we were just fired but we never received any kind of response from target like firing us.
so now i’m just wondering if i never received official confirmation from target saying i’m fired am i technically still employed 💀 i know i abandoned my job but i mean like i was expecting some kinda like hey um yeah btw you’re fired. we told maybe 2 random tms as we were walking out on our last day that we just quit but they didn’t even work at our store lol. so unless the inventory tls told our store that we just left and didn’t come back idk how they would’ve found out.
i’m honestly just curious as to if target is required to give a notice of being fired or if being locked out of mytime is their way of saying you’re fired. if i decide to randomly show up to that target one day am i like instantly banned and kicked out💀
tldr: i met my boyfriend working at target and ever sincd we started dating we started getting targeted by tls. we got in trouble constantly for doing nothing wrong. we also got in trouble for our bad attendance after being badly sick twice. we wanted to work inventory shifts and were just never scheduled for them after them telling us we would be scheduled together. him and i completely stopped showing up to work at our store. we eventually just walked out of an inventory without telling really anyone. we were still being scheduled for a while but then both of our mytime apps locked us out. we have never received any kind of confirmation saying if we were fired. obviously we completely abandoned our job but is target required to give a notice of being fired.

So I figured I'd get on her and speak about what I have learned from testing people and there reactions to the things you do and says,so all my life well since the first time I noticed the reaction of someone from my actions,I have been testing people and seeing how they react to all different things and when they are in different moods,I've set back and stayed quiet and watched the and I have learned how to read everyone, and having this skill is a double edged sword, because there are a lot of people who can't be themselves around me regardless if I tell them I don't care,it's because of the psychological mind block it creates in their minds, when they are trying to play they're made up character they've made themselves out to look like,but when someone knows what they are about, it keeps going through there mind of the fact someone is watching them act and pretend to be this character, so they feel out of place and there could do a lot of different things,but they just need me out of the group,but they have a issue with just asking me to leave, this is their pride and ego narcissist kicking in and they have to do things in ways that make no sense to me and confuse me and make me look like the bad person or anything to cause their fans to dislike me and get me to leave, and this is the ways of a narcissist as most of them are call karans,but not every karan narcissist are the same in there psychological mindset,some karans are created by the effects of the sober mind of a person who are mentally and physically drained in there life and have no patience to anything,but they're stubborn and you can't help them with anything, especially mental strength by meds, you can watch them and see how miserable they are making themselves and everyone in their life,this is because they have a control issue and their way and their minds are so drained and exhausted and they can't think alike with anyone besides those like-minded people,but anyone who suggest meds or anything to help ease there issues of frustration they live with by living with a stubborn mind will be rejected and they will always remain miserable and ridiculous about the way others live there life and what they put in their bodies,lol I'm actually losing my track on this on how best to make people understand this better than I'm doing,lol,but anyway a lot of people need meds and which meds is all based on their actions and feelings with sober mind, everyones brain is created just a little different than the next and some are created way different by undeveloped areas of the brain,while the fetus is growing into the full human,this is a very important time for the mother to be careful and pick and choose how she lives, because of how sensitive the effects of everything may cause issues with the full development of the child's brain and the way there life will become,it's all based on the brain,but nobody will ever be exactly the same in how they think and there personality, so we have all different types of personalities,in the brain your moods you feel are all created by the brain creating different chemicals as we call drugs, so everyone does all different types of drugs everyday created by our brains and those are all the different moods and feels me have,but if your brain doesn't get fully developed to function properly to be able to handle the stress we deal with,as why we have all different medications to help boost that part of the brain and help level the chemicals being created,as Im ADHD and manic bipolar and suffering from bad depression,but it's all up and down and everywhere at times especially without any form of meds and I need strong meds to help level me, but my brain was underdeveloped in a few areas and I just have to help with boosting the dopamine level in my brain and I've been testing all different types of things trying to find a good level of my brains actively so I can function and relax, without any medication I lose all abilities,I can't think or function for weeks and sleep none stop,I lose all control of self control and my brain craves dopamine as it can't create the right amount to my me function normally,that is a effect when I was a fetus and something stopped the development of that area of my brain and few other areas that cause my depression and mood swings,my mother smoked marijuana and cigarettes while pregnant with me,so was this the thing that caused me to have these issues,idk but very possible by the way thc and nicotine effect the brain when in the system, the dopamine slows down and you because lost in confusion while getting hungry and giggly and I feel that way when I'm sober,but with a addition of feeling drunk and not giving a fuck and real social, but it never level and longer I am without the medications,my brain speeds up and I get more and more anxious and need to go go and do something or anything but I have zero interest in anything and I just pace the floor and call everybody and i never get any relief,even when I sleep I don't sleep and I wake up exhausted with my mind racing,I feel like I'm trapped in my misery and can't get out,the medications help relive it all and I feel alive relaxed and comfortable with good motivation to get things done, this is just my example of how the brain needs drugs and why people need meds and truth is everyone has the ability to understand why people do the things they do and why they feel the way they feel,but it's all based on brain development before birth, you can cause the issue with your brain by hitting your head and over dosing yourself with basically anything and hurt the function of your brain. There's people who's will be a totally different person with certain medications,but overall the personality is all based on the brains development before birth. So I've just confused myself from the point of understanding for you by what I am saying,lol I just know I was all over the place writing this, but it is all good to know about regardless and I will be back to write a lot more.🫣😊

Last week, my best friend passed away. I’m not gonna get into details, but it really hurt.
I didn’t know my ex was in a relationship went down but the night my best friend passed away. I reached out to my ex and I called him and told him about it as he knew her from when we were dating, spoke to her and stuff like that, so I decided to tell him I thought he would be there for me as he dealt with death in his family before , me and him have been friends and known each other since 2022
I didn’t expect after me telling him my best friend passed away that he would block me. I started crying because I couldn’t believe that he would block me, especially during a time like this.
My friend ended up, reaching out to him, asking him why he blocked me during a time like this he ended up, unblocking me, and reaching out to me, telling me his girlfriend made him block me this girl he has known sense preschool, who has been dating for a week and already proposed to his parents know by the way she made him block me
He reached out seeing how I was doing and I asked him how he was doing with this and everything as well. I asked him it doesn’t seem like you genuinely care, but he said I’m spending time with my fiancé his girlfriend response to me on the behalf of Logan during a time like this, he told her everything about my best friend dying and she accused me of manipulating and gaslighting because I said like genuinely it doesn’t seem like you care especially with him blocking me the night I told him
I reached out to him today and asked him if he could politely not have his girlfriend message me on his behalf because you don’t see that for me,
he ends up being rude saying First of all you texted me when I was spending time with her, you called me on Thursday while I was with her. I unblocked you because one of your friends started fucking guilt tripping me.
I didn’t know he was in a relationship the night I lost my best friend. I didn’t know he was hanging out with her. I just wanted my ex to be there for me as a friend in a time like this who has experienced some thing that I am going through before.
I texted my ex how I respect his relationship. I respect his girlfriend, but all I asked was for him to be understanding and to be there for me and not to block me after finding out I asked him to be a good friend and then I wasn’t trying to fight or start anything am I wrong or is he in the wrong, I don’t know what to feel
Because all I wanted was for him to be there for me when I felt like I needed to go to him as a friend during time like this

Welcome to a new feature at OhNoConsequences that I just made up, where we revisit the very consequences-heavy stories from the past.

The readers of Ask A Manager were inflamed in 2017, when a young woman complained that she couldn't get a job. All because someone she "probably" bullied threatened to quit if the bully were hired. Did she learn anything from this?
I didn't get a job because I was a bully in high school
Originally posted April 25, 2017
I’ve been trying to break into a niche industry (30-40 jobs in a city with a population of 3 million) for a while now. I’m in my late 20s, and though it took me some time to decide what I wanted to do with my life, I have finished my degree and completed two internships. I’m working part-time in a related field and freelancing while searching for a full-time job in the niche industry. I’m willing to move for the right job, but I’d rather stay close to home — so I was stoked last summer when I got an interview for one of the very few entry-level jobs available in my city! I ultimately didn’t get it, but the interview went well enough they encouraged me to apply the next time they had an opening.
Then an acquaintance who works at the company called me up and asked if I wanted to get coffee. I figured she’d offer me tips on how to do better next time. Instead, she told me to give up on ever being hired there — turns out, a girl I had gone to high school with is a real rock star at this company, and she threatened to resign when it looked like I was about to be offered a job. (I hadn’t realized it was her because her married name is different.) I’ll be honest — I wasn’t a very nice person back then, and I probably was pretty awful to this girl. I looked my former classmate up, and her resume really is incredible. She graduated from college early and has awards people who’ve worked in our industry twice as long haven’t won. Her public-facing work is top-notch. I’m guessing she’s the kind of employee a manager wants to keep around.
My acquaintance’s prediction appears to be true: I didn’t get an interview for a new position at the company that would’ve been an even better fit than the one I’d interviewed for. When I asked why, I was told a staffer had raised some concerns and the company would not be moving forward with my candidacy. I’m heartbroken. I worked so hard for so long to get the training required for this type of work, and I don’t think I deserve to be blacklisted for something I said when I was 17. I have my former classmate’s work email. Should I beg for forgiveness?
Alison from Ask A Manager cautioned the author to make any apology sincere, if she did make an apology.
Did the letter writer make an apology? Did she make any attempt to be accountable for the consequences of her actions? Read on, there was an update:
Update: i didn't get a job because I was a bully in high school
Originally posted December 13, 2017.
I know you didn’t solicit an update, but I felt compelled to send one. I’d written you in the spring because I was having trouble breaking into a niche industry in which a high school classmate I’d bullied was a rock star. I wanted to know if you thought apologizing would help me get a job.
At the advice of your readers, I did delete the draft of an apology email I’d had sitting in my inbox for some time. I applied for one more job with Rock Star’s company, and when I didn’t hear back, I decided it was really and truly time to look elsewhere. I found a shop in a town seven hours away that was desperate to hire someone for a paid 9-month fellowship that started in June because the candidate they’d originally extended an offer to found a full-time, permanent position. I said goodbye to my boyfriend, packed up my car and two cats, and drove to a town I’d never been to.
And I hated it. Not the work. I actually loved the work, but the town sucked. Being away from my boyfriend and my family sucked. Not being able to make friends sucked (everyone else my age was married with two kids already). I called my boyfriend every night crying. He was supposed to come visit me over Labor Day but cancelled at the last minute because he had to work. Seeing how bummed I was, a coworker offered to swap shifts with me so I could make the trip home for the long weekend. I hopped into my car after work on Friday and drove all evening, arriving at the place I’d been sharing with my boyfriend before I moved a little after 1 a.m. Well, you probably know where this was going. He was cheating on me. I was devastated. I spent the rest of the night sobbing on my sister’s couch and drove back to where I was working the next morning.
Except I couldn’t make myself get out of bed on Tuesday. Or Wednesday. Or Thursday. I was fired after my third no call no show.
I tried to get the part-time job I’d had before moving for the fellowship back (they’d said come back anytime), but they’d found someone who was faster and more efficient than I’d been. Unable to afford a place on my own, I had to move back in with my parents. Not sure what else to do, I sent another desperate application to Rock Star’s shop. In an effort to cheer me up, my sister and my friends took me out for a nice dinner for my birthday at the end of September. This is where it goes from bad to worse. I drank too much wine at dinner and got pretty weepy. I excused myself from the table to try to put myself together … and ran into Rock Star and her husband celebrating their anniversary on the way to the bathroom.
I ended up yelling/crying at her that she’d ruined my life. I was asked to leave to leave and told I wasn’t welcome back.
That was Saturday night. I spent Sunday hungover in bed, trying to figure out how to clean up the mess I made. On Monday morning, Rock Star’s manager (the one hiring for the job I’d applied for) emailed me to let me know I’d been removed from the candidate pool. She advised me that I would not be considered for future positions at their shop … or any other in the network. That afternoon, without mentioning me or what happened at the restaurant over the weekend, Rock Star tweeted a long thread about how she’d been bullied in high school and she wishes teenagers would realize that high school ends and it does get better. She also tweeted out links to local mental health resources and the National Suicide hotline that were liked/retweeted many, many times.
So, just to recap, no job, no boyfriend, no money, no hope of ever breaking into the industry I spent five years preparing to enter. It’s hard not to feel like some of this is Rock Star’s fault, especially given how she rubbed salt in the wound after my whole world had come crashing down.
TL:DR Bully has not gained much maturity or insight into her behavior since high school, confronts the Rock Star in a restaurant, then thinks Rock Star bullied her. Where do you think the Bully is now? Asking if you want fries with that?

Reminder that I am not the OOP

Me (23F) and my boyfriend (27M) have had quite the untraditional relationship from its very start and I think it's starting to show in the form of resentment.
I want to preface this by saying this is my first Reddit post so please bear with me and any mistakes I may make in creating this post.
Anyway, my boyfriend and I met a 2.5 years ago on a dating app in November of 2021 and had four wonderful months together before he landed his first job fresh out of college with no consideration as to how it would affect our relationship or how I would feel about it. Upon hire, this job told him he would be working 2 weeks on with 2 weeks off and so on. Ever since the start he was always gone for a minimum of a month at a time with not even a week off between hitches. This severely limited our time to grow together as a new couple. At first, I was okay with it, ever happy for him, but as time progressed I quickly became lonely. I expressed this to him for many months but he never had the courage to confront his boss about their original agreement and how it had never been upheld. I should also mention that this job required him to work 6pm-6am 7 days a week. I usually worked 6am- 2pm while going to school and even after I graduated college. That being said, we rarely ever got to talk while he was away because one of us would be sleeping while the other working.
He lived in a small house by himself at this time and had no roommates. I had my own apartment just a couple minutes down the road. Because of him being gone all the time, I offered to start checking up on the house during the summer (2022) while he was away to make sure it was being maintained and not broken into or anything. Me, being the person I am, couldn't help but see the grass overgrown, the house dirty, etc., and not do anything about it. So, as a loving girlfriend, I would do a great amount of work maintaining the house in his absence. I even went above and beyond one week and spent 10+ hours a day deep-cleaning the house from top to bottom as he and his roommates had left it quite filthy, if you can imagine with it being a boys' college house. (Yes, I know that sounds crazy but part of me was hoping one day I would live there and couldn't imagine doing so in the condition it was in.)
Fast forward to December of 2022, my boyfriend asked me to move in with him. He still had the same job which had put a huge strain on our relationship, but part of me hoped this would help put us back on track.
I moved in, of course, and things progressively got worse. I finally told him I couldn't stay with someone who was never even around to be with and he finally got a new job this last March (2024). This job was supposed to be remote with him going out in the field 5% of the time and always having weekends off. This was great until the job started running out of work for him. They started offering to send him away to other states like his old job did for work only this time he wouldn't tell me until a day or two in advance and I'm never sure when he'll be back. Going on these trips also aren't a requirement for him but rather ensure he gets a minimum of 40 hours a week.
Fast forward to now, over a year later, and I feel stuck. I have told him time and time again that I can't keep living in this house like a live-in maid. We split all the bills equally and yet he's the one always away only ever working while I'm working full-time, taking care of our 4 pets, maintaining the house (cleaning, yard maintenance, fixing all the broken things that come with an old house, making improvements, etc) and always having so much weight on my shoulders that prevent me from being able to ever sit down and relax or have time to myself.
To top things off, I recently lost my grandmother, my dad has been in and out of the hospital, and I got a new job that I have no experience for so it's ALL brand new to me and a lot to learn. Needless to say, my plate is always full while he just has to wake up, go to work, go to bed, repeat. And when he comes home he does next to nothing. I have to beg him to help me with things around the house or to fix things and even then it rarely ever happens.
Intimacy in our relationship is next to nonexistent, he forgot my birthday last year, never shows affection, or does small things for me like buy me flowers or things to show his love for me, etc. I feel like I'm dating a ghost that I no longer have any attraction towards and am even building resentment for.
So, in a long-winded way, what do I do? I need help or advice as to what I should do. I feel stuck but can't move out because it's too expensive and there are no places available to rent within my budget that allow pets. I thought about moving back home temporarily but I JUST started this new job a month ago. Part of me wants to make it work, but part of me doesn't and I am tired of wrestling with myself for the last year. So, I need your guys' thoughts on my situation.
Comment any questions and I will do my best to answer them. Thanks in advance :)

Well, this year had been very tough for me especially that i moved out and started like in England from an overseas country and study in Scotland which was also another miserable story but it happened by some miracle as well, so yea i go to skl there as I live in on the borders between Scotland and England. Sometimes, you just wish things could’ve been clear in the beginning in some sort of ways in your life, so you could’ve prepared for your future in a more manageable and better way, but since we have no clue what the future holds for us, we have to cope with it that way. For me, when I first moved to the UK, I solemnly wanted to have a degree in medicine (till now but through a whole different, realistic route for now) in a very unrealistic and insane way before. my family and I currently live in England as I said, and since the Scottish government has issued a rule for people being eligible to study in scotland for free if they have lived for 3 years continuously and either they or their parents have ILR (permanent residency) they can apply for fee wavier for uni, so I was on hope for doing an odd plan where we’d move before a certain date, 1st of August, to Scotland and stay in college in Glasgow or Edinburgh for a year and then look for another college which is the only available one that offers advanced highers for medical school and take a gap year and work (as if i were the grandson of queen Elizabeth or smt like everything could be that easy), yet life doesn’t work that way and it never will. I learnt it the hard way tho anyways, turned out after emailing unis, that i can’t be eligible and i became hopeless cuz i will be 19 by that time and won’t be eligible to attend this college as i wouldn’t be connected to a school since this is a rule to be enrolled there. So, I didn’t give up and looked for other routes and stuff (not for medicine tho). I then decided to do physiotherapy and applied to 5 unis (got 2 conditional offers thankfully) one which is very far away and the student accommodation is very expensive and the other is where I live actually so basically, local uni but the local uni requires high grades from me (not very high tho according to what i have already equip from level 3 qualifications) so like I did Alevel Biology before (not in England tho) so yea that stands for 40UCAS points according to the grade i got in this subject. so im literally 88 UCAS points short. However, since I am doing some scottish highers this year (4 subjects), i said to myself yeaaa that’s ezzz who the hell can’t achieve BCCC? and yea turns out that im a big-shot clown LOL i am way too concerned of not even passing like tff!! but yea anyways, this is not really my fault cuz i started skl in November, took me a month to cope with stuff (studies, new life, school, and uni stuff like preparations and interviews and thing like that ofc yk what i mean) so it was a huge shot for me all at once including that i had several fam issues that disturbed my life frr and i was even in a worse state of mind before all of that, so i was completely burnt out ( i couldn’t study, socialise, or even js get out of bed) everything was too stressful and like my whole future is literally relying on lame nonsense subjects like PE and geography PE didn’t make sense at allll especially that i had no resources and for anyone who has previously attained PE in scotland, they will know how much it’s a suffer to study from past papers cuz marking scheme was way too irrelevant with diff answers everytime, and it’s all literally about subjective answers from different candidates as I have observed and not based on curriculum or any sort of model answer 70% of the time, and literally school teachers especially the PE was the worst of all the time. she never helped me with anything even when she tried to, she used to tell me to come to her after school which is literally at 4 and I had to take the train which would arrive at 5:20 if i ever wait for that time and go back home at 6? like sorry mate i aint doing that. she never gave me any resources to study from or any guidance or advice about the whole thingy. her classes were very boring and useless i swear. So yea typically i had to self study “everythinggggg” and by everything i mean everything except for English but yea unless i had all of these previous info about writing aspects and stuff, i swear i could’ve not even made into stepping inside the class. Lol so it’s been basically only me working hard as i already had background about stuff which helped me to some extent cope with the change and not drastically drown. this is attributed to the fact that i used to be in an international british system in my home country so thank god i was or else i would have been cooked. i already got cooked tho so yeah i found that website 3 days before the exam i think it’s called STAPE which quite helped me and it’s my only hope for now, but like brooooo 3 dayss??💀💀 even though i had been searching for monthsssssss i dont know why it appeared to 3 days before the exam this is an argumenet the other argumenet is geography like can u plzz tell me who tf made this syllabus?💀💀 and why are questions worth 8-12 marks on average? and yea like one mark is like a whole line and can sometimes be 2 lines in the marking scheme not to mention that many questions are verryyy similar in answer “marking scheme” even when they are different questions i remember that in the Physical geography section
so yea in a nutshell, SQA is shit asf i mean when it comes to the british system for PE, you basically study pure Human Physiology and Biomechanics. like why the hell isn’t it that way for SQA? why does it no make sense?? like frr doesn’t make sense at all and it’s such a crap subject i see. No offense, but like im very glad SQA is going to be scrapped forever and the next generations dont have to go through this.
so yea guys this us my short-long story LMFAO im js so desperate and devasted rn cuz i can’t believe that PE is now deciding on whether or not i will have a future oh and let’s add geo to the latter
whomever’s reached this point, i beg u not to do those two subjs ever, drop out school easier now guys all i want from u is to wish me luck or death cuz im dead either ways after what sqa did to me ik this whole thread was too random speaking abt diff aspects and stuff but yea it’s js my miserable life story LOL

I am trying to find a movie. I don't remember the name only parts about it. I've been searching for weeks. I hope someone can help.
It's about a girl and I believe her boyfriend/husband. They get to an old house I'd say 20s style. In the the middle of the woods. The house has a large entrance way and I thought you were greeted by the devil or grim reaper. But each room in the house has like other people's deaths almost like purgatory or hell. She gets lost but finally gets outside looking for her boyfriend/husband as they got separated. But outside is more rooms but life half done. Like one has a bedroom with a bed and a tub outside it but only has two walls. It's in like a woodly area. It's all at night too.
That's all I can remember. I'm sorry. Hopefully someone can help! Thank you

I 20F have been dating my boyfriend 20M for almost 10 months. Since the start of our relationship my boyfriend has been quite an anxious person which is why we didn’t get into a relationship until after 4 months of the talking stage and being exclusive. However, once we got into a relationship his anxiety got 100 times worse and he has constantly been projecting it on me. It got so bad that we were fighting daily until one day he took it too far and I left. All my friends kept telling me to leave him as none of them like him. However, I went back to him and we were at the best we’ve ever been. But 2 weeks ago we started long distance and things have gotten so bad it’s like the begging of our relationship all over again. I have told him to seek professional help yet he always keeps putting it off. He also makes no effort to enjoy things I like and always expects me to only want to do things he likes.
I have just reached a point where I feel so emotionally drained because in his eyes I am always doing something wrong which is causing him anxiety. I have tried to give up things that make him anxious yet every time I do he asks for more. I was never an anxious person yet since the begging of this relationship I feel like I’ve lost 10 years of my life because of the stress he’s caused me with his constant micromanaging. I don’t even think k can talk to him anymore because every time I try to bring up a personal problem I end up being the one apologizing to him. Outside of work I try to give every free second of my time to him but somehow that’s still not enough. I don’t know what to do because I love him but I can’t keep getting blamed for every thing I do. I don’t know if there’s any way I can solve this and if the problem is me not being accommodating enough to his anxiety or him not being in a healthy enough headspace to have a healthy relationship?

I have three really close friends: one identifies as queer, and two are lesbians. And our friend group has expanded in the last few months and there are more people who identify as queer and/or transgender in it. I like to think I'm an ally and that I can rock with them, but in reality, I keep saying stupid things like I have my foot in my mouth.
I just feel like everything I say is wrong. Some things that have been mentioned that have left the air a little tense include:

• After watching the movie challengers, which I LOVED, I said "hey I liked that, it wasn't like 'here's one gay guy and here's another and they're super gay' it was... nuanced". My friend just said "oh okay well, that would have been fine too"
• One of my friends talked about the difficulties of being trans and I just did not know what to say to support her. She was talking about how hard it is to express herself when she's not with friends, and I empathized with her as best as I could and said I was sorry it was so hard. But I didn't have anything else to say and I felt like I should have been able to say more.
• Like two years ago, I told my friends that I'm bisexual, and now when I think about it and when it comes down to it, even though I am sexually attracted to women, really honestly I think I want to start a family with a man. I haven't said this part to my friends. But they know this anyway. They're like "yeah Gregory Toothface is straight." And they're not necessarily wrong, but at the same time I just feel suuuper lame for saying I'm one thing and then going back on it (or just choosing the conventional path, especially when they aren't choosing the conventional path, or feel like it's off limits because they're not welcome on the conventional path). I just don't feel like I can talk to them about it.
• My sibling is trans and he is a minor and hasn't come out to our parents yet. My friends know this and call him by the name he's chosen and use he/him pronouns. But I have to use she/her around our parents, and I cannot fuck that up by saying he/him around our parents, so I default to she/her, and sometimes use she/her around my friends by accident, and then it sounds like I'm misgendering him. But it's really not intentional. I explained this to them already, but I feel like if I say that every time I slip up, that's annoying, but maybe that's what I should be doing?

I love love love my three friends and feel like they are My People, but I don't know how to ask them for help or share that this is how I feel. I am worried that will make their opinion of me worse? I'm skating by on just not addressing these moments when they happen (which also might be making this worse??)
I think these are my reasons for feeling uncomfortable/self-conscious:

• It feels really vulnerable to bring up someone's sexuality to them and ask them questions about it
• I am slightly in love with one of these three friends in a romantic way and they're not interested in me like that, and I am trying to move on from my feelings for them. I know they know, and we don't talk about it. The only thing they said was "Gregory, you know we're best friends, right?" And that was that. I already act a goofy buffoon who hasn't spoken to a human before when I'm around them. It feels like the last thing I can do to talk about their sexuality and gender because it literally makes me want to kiss them on the mouth.
• I worry that I'm just going to keep saying wrong things and dig myself into a hole
• I do not have a great vocabulary and I regularly feel like what I say does not match what I think in my head. I'm actively working on expressing my thoughts better through weekly therapy and then in conversation, but it's hard for me to do this still with sexuality and gender.

Reading back on this, I sound slightly unhinged and self-centered, so I'm sorry if I come across that way. I'm open to your thoughts. If I am being ignorant, can you please give me guidance on how to correct this? Because I don't want to be ignorant or unkind. I really, truly want to support my friends and the queer community.