T: Hi, how was your day
M: I’ve definitely have had better ones
T: um oh ok
M: okay why did things get weird
T: i just didn’t expect that response
M: are most of your patients doing finethankyou?
T: well they usually say they are at first and then we get more into it.
M: okay… well I guess I’m not like that
——— I remembered this after years of not thinking about it. I was like 19 at the time and I just… what was that? Other things she did that I didn’t like was referring to me as “a person who is differently abled” after I told her I was disabled. She told me she did this because a mother of a client who is differently abled told her it was the proper way to refer to people like me (okay? I’m an actual disabled person and told you how I would rather be referred as) and she also did a similar thing after I referred to my then boyfriend as being a Mormon (he told me he is completely fine with being called a Mormon) and the whole thing felt really weird and as if she was correcting me about how to refer to myself and the people around me
What really did it though is when I told her quite casually that I was disabled she said “awwwww” which is why I didn’t go back to her after the second session. It literally felt like she had never talked to a disabled person in her life. Looking back, these things kind of scream that she was new at the job but also I simply wouldn’t talk like this with another person even without being trained in therapy.

Thank you for giving me the chance, and by the end of this paragraph, I’d hope I’d earn your heart :).
Hey there! Usually would introduce myself with my name but I don’t wanna share too much info about myself here. I’m a 20 year old medical student that is fighting many battles at the moment. Whether that would be loneliness or academic challenges. I’ve realized the amount of scars I’ve been getting from these battles. And I’ve realized that maybe I’m in need of a medic; someone that could support me. It’s a harsh world out there, and sometimes having each other by our side makes things way easier.
I’ve always been told to “focus on myself” and stuff, which I don’t nessaraily disagree with. But I felt the need to make give it a shot Atleast.
I must say that I’m seeking something meaningful and long term (forever). I’m not playing around. Or looking for something temporary. So if you have these intentions please don’t text me.
About me: as I said, I’m a 20 year old medical student, so I do spend a lot of my time studying. But I also have hobbies like going to the gym, watching YouTube, and others I won’t say so you can have fun figuring me out :). Im 167cm tall, with dark brown eyes, athletic body, soft hair and trying to grow a beard (lol). Also, an important thing I would like to say is that I am a Muslim. Not the most religious as you maybe able to tell. But I still adhere to a lot of my Islamic morals and ethics. And I’d hope you do too.
Personality traits: generally speaking, I am an extremely protective person when I fall in love. I’ve always been told that I had a contagious laugh, and a broken humor. I’d laugh at the most non funny things ever lol. I’ve always been a really deep person, and I would always hate shallow meaningless conversations. I usually slowly get to reveal my true personality once I’m really comfortable around you. And that usually takes time.
Who I’m seeking:
-an Egyptian girl living in Egypt -willing to meet one day. -a hijabi -shorter than me (is a must) -preferably younger but older by a 2-3 years gap is fine
Please be interesting, be able to drive a conversation, give me a hint about who you are in your first message, maybe some of your interests and what attracted you to my post.
Something else I wanna say, I do fully understand that there are a few phases before getting closer to each other. We will ofc be simply friends at first then see where things go.

I normally don’t post here because I just like to read the posts. But it’s come down to this due to a shitty situation that my fiancé is in that I have been dragged into (not her fault).
Anyways, I got offered a really good job offer in a town that was an hour from my hometown. I didn’t want to do the drive back and forth due to it being the grave shift. My fiancé lived in the town where I got the job offer so she offered for me to stay there at the place with her. She had a roommate and she ended up talking to her and asking her if it was okay for me to stay there until their lease is up (it’s up in August of this year, I moved in in January). The roommate agreed that it was fine and she had no issues with it. She said she liked me as a person and I was always really kind to her when I would come hang out with my fiancé.
The first three months were fine. No issues, no fighting, no arguments, nothing. I didn’t really see much of the roommate due to me working the grave shift so I never came into contact with her unless she was off when I had off days (which were rare). So I’d go to work come home sleep and then go back to work that night and so on so forth. One night my fiancé had her best friend over and they did a paint night to unwind after work. They painted in the living room (which is a common space to hang out that’s meant to be lived in). My fiancé accidentally left a small paint brush on the coffee table in the living room. And when I say small, it was literally no bigger than a pencil. Well the roommate texted my fiancé a long detailed paragraph stating that the living room isn’t meant for “personal items” and that it’s “not meant to be lived in” and she “shouldn’t have her stuff out there”. The roommate has her dogs toys all over the floor out there, all her pictures and frames, her alcohol on the floor by the couch, etc. And no, I’m really not exaggerating, that place looked like it was just her place even though both her and my fiancé are on the lease and split the payments. My fiancé “wasn’t allowed” to be in the living room. But the roommate was allowed to have her f*ck buddies over screwing them on the couch when we’re in the next room. It got to the point where we couldn’t ever come out of the room and basically lived in there. We ate, slept, watched tv in my fiancés bedroom. That’s no way to live. And it was all because her roommate got mad about a paint brush.
Anyways, fast forward a few weeks and everything is fine. The roommate didn’t say anything else and both my fiancé and I stayed out of her way. But my fiancé works with her unfortunately so she does have to see her some days. But I avoided her at all costs because I didn’t want to deal with the drama. I have no time for petty stuff like that. But that’s not the worst part. The worst part comes after those weeks that were semi okay. Her roommate ends up calling the landlord and saying she would like me to be added to the lease (even though in the beginning she never asked me to be added and I offered many times to pay rent and she declined it) but I would do other things like put $500 worth of food in the house (that she would eat in less than two weeks) and pay for the WiFi (that she had everything hooked up to). And even went as far as cleaning her dirty dishes, cleaning the fridge out that had her moldy food in it from months back and cleaning the dog shit off the porch from her dog that she left sit there for weeks on end. Not including taking out the 40 trash bags that she left on the porch all piled up and smelling like shit. And yes, it was 40 bags. I didn’t complain about it. I just did it and left it at that. Well she went into another detailed message to my fiancé saying that “we don’t clean up after ourselves” and “I have to clean up all your trash” etc etc. No, she doesn’t. And she hasn’t. I’m a very OCD person. I’m a germaphobe as well and I hate when things are dirty. I always clean up after myself. There’s never been a time when I didn’t. Anyways, my fiancé told her all that I’ve done to keep the place clean for them and how much I have helped and her roommate got pissed off and went on saying that if I don’t start halfing the rent with them that I can get out. And then said that my cat can’t stay (my cat is a ESA, he has doctor signed papers stating that he’s allowed to be with me and I don’t have to pay anything to have him places. The roommate didn’t know that he was an ESA and got mad that she couldn’t throw my cat out bc of it). The landlord ended up calling my fiancé (because she loves her) and told her what the roommate was trying to do. So my fiancé and I both went to meet the landlord to talk to her. Her landlord said that she didn’t mind me being there, she knew I was there and she said I never started any issues. According to the rules they don’t have a limit on how long guests can stay like some places. The landlord went on to say how the roommates old boyfriend stayed there for a whole year and that my fiancé had no issues with it (which she didn’t). And he didn’t do half of what I do around the place. The roommates current bf also stays long periods of time too. To which my fiancé didn’t care. Why would she? He didn’t cause any issues just like I haven’t. I literally barely spoke to her. I never really seen her. I didn’t do anything to make her angry at me. The people that know me know that I would never do anything to hurt anyone or upset them. I’m literally the nicest person someone will ever meet. Anyways, the landlord said that unfortunately since I wasn’t on the lease that if the roommate wanted me added I’d have to be added. That’s okay, I was fine with that. Well my fiancé told the roommate the next day that we could add me and she said “nah, I don’t want him added now. I want him out by May 1st or I’m calling the cops”. It was April 25th when she told us this. So I had less than a week to find a new place and leave. Unfortunately I had no choice bc I wasn’t on the lease and if I stayed she could call the cops and have me removed from the apartment. I didn’t want that on my public record so I ended up moving back to my home town and luckily found a two bed house for a decent price. My fiancé who said she would never move to my hometown ended up moving with me. So she’s paying rent here and there as well.
What I need advice on after this long story and yes I know it’s long but it needed to be said. But what I need advice on is, I was planning on paying the $2,200 left on the rent for the two months that’s left on the lease to help my fiancé so she doesn’t have to pay it. That way she doesn’t have to pay the rent anymore and can pay rent with me down here (which is way cheaper). The roommate stated that if we prorate the $2,200 that she would release my fiancé from the lease by signing the release form that the landlord gave her. Well, I prorated the rent and she still hasn’t signed the form. She stated it’s bc “you left trash in the room that needs to be taken out”. There’s nothing left in there that belongs to my fiancé literally nothing at all. She still hasn’t signed the form and has been ignoring my fiancé. We have tried to ask the landlord but unfortunately she can’t do anything. What I’m asking is, should I just go get my check back and should my fiancé just not pay her? I know that would be so shitty to do but at this point she’s left us no choice and no other options. She won’t work with us, she’s very rude and inconsiderate and hates us for literally no reason. Is there anything that I can do? If she just doesn’t pay will she get in trouble? A friend of mine that I work with (who is also a landlord as well) told me that if my fiancé just leaves that the rest of the rent would fall on the roommate. She’s had it happen before at the places she rents out. Is that true? I really don’t want her to be in this situation anymore. It’s stressing both of us out and ultimately making us anxious, upset and angry just thinking about it. We are planning our wedding and just moved into this new place and would like to enjoy doing that instead of dealing with this. I just need opinions and options or advice on what to do. Anything helps really. Thank you for all who have read this.

Stop using these words: - Fireman - Policeman - Disabled - Mom/Dad - Son/Daughter - you guys - Latino/Latina - wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend - Ladies and Gentlemen - homeless
Instead Say: - Firefighter - Police officer - Differently abled - Parent - Child - y'all - Latine - significant other - folx - unhoused
Other notes:
Be mindful of cultural insensitivity. Some language may not be acceptable for you to say if you have European ancestry.
Please capitalize the word Black when talking about Black people. Do not capitalize white in white people. This is NOT racist in any way, it is merely based on lived racial experience and racial identity.
Stay up to date! Language is always changing and using old terms may come off as bigoted. For example, Latino was considered gender neutral in the past, but now Latine is used. Using Latino to refer to groups of people may be seen as bigoted.
Always use the correct pronouns, even if doing so makes you uncomfortable (it takes a bit to get used to, then it feels natural!) This includes neopronouns of any sort.
If someone from a marginalized group corrects your language, listen and learn.

In my sophomore year of high school I fell in love with this girl. Let’s call her “traitor”. When i first met traitor everything was great,we got along great until…I told her I had feelings for her… that’s when everything had turned to st. She started accusing me of things I wasn’t doing. She started to become uninterested in me. She started to act like I wasn’t worth her time and that hurt my soul. So the rest of that year, traitor and I argued(sometimes my fault and most times her fault) fast forward to my junior year… traitor treated me like complete st. Let me give you some examples of what she did to me:
1.would make offense and hurtful jokes but would get mad when I would do what she was doing

1. she would talk crap about me to all of her friends and have them give me stupid looks and lie about it that she never did any of that and they were all just rumors
   
2. She would make up, lies about my friends, threatening to jump her. When half of them don’t even know her.
   
3. She would blame everything on everybody else except her boyfriend… she could never take the responsibility for herself
   
4. Knowing that I liked her, she would tell me about her and her boyfriend”spicy stuff” which would make me feel sick because she knew that I liked her
   
5. We were only allowed to talk about what she wanted to talk about otherwise it wasn’t important.
   
6. She had given out my number and had her friends cyber bully me, blamed it on them, and threaten to tell the police that I was harassing her if I went to go to the police about her friends.
   
7. She lied that I gotta stay order on her. That said we had to stay 50 feet away from each other.
   
8. I always had to walk on eggshells with her and etc. So after all of this, she had blocked me because she didn’t want to admit her wrongdoings and then when I apologize to her, she had no problem with that
   

so the forgiving part of me decided to give her another chance because I believe in more chances and I always wanna see the best in people . I guess I had made a joke that she didn’t like, but she didn’t let me know(which usually she would make jokes that I didn’t like and I would just have to sit there and take it and keep my mouth shut) she ended up blocking me and when I confronted her about it, she tried to ignore me but when she couldn’t avoid me anymore she said, and I quote:” oh yeah me and my boyfriend talked about it and we both don’t really don’t want to talk to you(a.k.a. you’re not worth my time)”when I heard say that,that broke me. that’s when I shouted in front of all the courtyard “ you wanna f****k up your life that’s on you,go to hell,b****ch “ later I felt so bad about what I had said, and I was thinking of apologizing and giving her another chance but as much as I want to give her another chance, trying to take the little good times we had isn’t worth it. as much as I wanted it to be, but sometimes I do question myself whether I was the a-hole or not and if I should go up to her and apologize.
So,aita for telling her to go to hell?
P.s feel free to give advice,it’s very much needed ❤️ and sorry if this is really bad this is my first time doing this…
and I will also also try my best to give you guys an update if there is one to give.

I feel like my boyfriend simply refuses to compromise. I have incredibly clear, concise communication & I always make sure to verbalize my thoughts/feelings/needs/desires. If anything, I’m overcommuncative. However, it feels like I’m never heard. He’s hands down without a doubt (no exaggeration) the most resistant person I’ve ever met. It feels like I have to beg for almost everything. For example, he loves to have headphones in before bed, and has done this every night since the day I met him. I started to notice how it was influencing our intimacy because after being away all day, it’s nice for us to finally connect right before bed (and first thing in the morning). When I very simply & kindly requested we try one night without phones in the bedroom, it was a long slew of reasons not to. It really hurt my feelings. This is one example of many where I ask for something simple & I’m met with push back. There’s push back on everything. I know in a long term relationship it’s vital to give your partner time/space/patience to adapt/grow, but how long is too long? 2yrs ago, I lost my older sister to suicide (the most important person in my life) watched my family explode into dust, lost friendships & a relationship with my nephews, changed jobs several times, experienced tremendous financial strain. He’s been here through the most dark time in my life. However, I’ve put in a TREMENDOUS amount of solo work to heal. Over a year of therapy, support groups, books, podcasts, loads of yoga, etc. I can say I am proud of myself for how far I’ve come despite such turmoil. Meanwhile, he’s huffing and puffing about putting his phone away for one night? It’s just one example, and trust me when I say this carries over into other realms of our relationship. I hate to think about us breaking up, it fills me with the deepest sadness, but I actually have no idea what else to do at this point. It just feels like he is unable to give me what I need. And I feel I am the only one who is putting in the work to be a better person and better partner. Is there any hope?

Can I ask for some advice about something? What would you do if you are in my place. my best friend let's call her Ruby. Ruby moved about two years ago now, she was going to come back and visit for graduation week and wanted the friend group to hang out like we used to, when i told her i didn't believe it would be possible she has continued to push for us to all hang out. I finally told her the reason that it would not work out she completely ignored me. Now the reason the friend group hanging like we used to won't work out is because this ex friend of mine who I'll call cici randomly after a school essay I wrote quite talking to me and started to spread rumors about me the essay was supposed to carry so sort of theme that means somthing to us so I wrote mine on how it can feel to be in the middle of a friend group that is arguing and not knowing what to do. I will copy and past the essay below the rest of the story. After I turn the essay in cici somehow gets a hold of it and spins it to sound like I'm attacking her and im bullying her and so for the month of February everyone ignores me which really hurt because I had no idea why as they just on day started to ignore me it also was my birthday that month and I had no one to share it with. After a while lila,Taylor and Sara realize what happened and apologized for what they did and I quite trying to communicate with cici. After I quite reaching out to her and trying to protect a dying fire my mental health improves to a point where not only I noticed but my teachers noticed also. Back to my earlier topic I told ruby that I refuse to hang out with cici because she has been treating me like shit and my parents won't even let me see/talk to her outside a school sanctioned event because at are very last sleep over before she she started to ignore me almost ended with me In the hospital because her brother threatened me with a knife and their dog attacked me because i used self defense to get the knife from her brother. During this sleepover cici's parents were awar of what happened and didn't tell my mom so after that I wasn't allowed back to their house. Even after all that I still tried to keep that friendship alive if not only because I cared for cici but also for ruby. Still despite all these reasons ruby refused to split her time between us and Is no longer coming. AITAH for refusing to hang out with someone who has betrayed my trust and put me in a dangerous situation just because my friend who moved away wants us to hang out together?
Here is the essay
Just because your friends are friends doesn’t mean they will always understand. A few days after spring break in 8th grade my friend Cici started hanging out with a girl that the rest of our friend group doesn’t like because she is mean and rude. So we told her what we thought of this girl and that she could hang out with her but we didn’t want to be near a person like that, however Cici did not listen and kept inviting her to hang out with us. My other friend Sara was starting to get really upset because this girl was calling her names and bullying her. This same girl had also left intentional bruises on my body because I told her I already had a partner in pe. Finally, after months and months of off and on fighting it was the last day of school. Sara had finally had enough of how the girl had treated us and snapped as she listed off all the hateful and violent things that this girl had done to me, Lila, Ruby some of our other friends. The girl then started to ball saying how all of us are liars and cici shouldn'tlisten to us about anything that we say. During this entire situation I stayed quiet and listened to what the others had to say, because I wanted to say something but didn't know what to say to fix the situation.For weeks after that cici and sara refused to talk to each other, until I finally managed to get them to both apologize. Then for a while after that everything seemed good. A new girl who I will call Tyler moved to town and we basically absorbed her into the friend group. Things were going well until about four weeks into our ninth grade year. Sara started to be exceedingly hostile the rude girl Cici had been hanging out with sense last year, Which caused fighting to break out. So then Sara started to distance herself from us to hang out with a guy who i also used to consider a friend i will call him jem. Now the reasonme and jem are no longer friendsis becausehe told my to off myself several times over the course of about two months.So as they are hanging out jem is also constantly flirting with her, so we make a joke that they were dating. This caused sara to explode at everyone in the group chat. When she texted in the group chat she directed all of the texts about it to Cici and when I confessed that it was me who was made and the joke she proceeded to say that it was Cici’s fault and that it “ IS NOT SOMETHING TO JOKE ABOUT!! You know what I think of rumors and dating.” We all replied saying it didn't mean for it to be a big deal and we weren't making fun of her that it was only a joke. Sara proceeded to snap back “If we are in relationships with guys, it's not something to joke about. When other people believe it, then it's too much.” So in response Ruby answered with “You literally would make fun of me and my old boyfriend tim back when we were dating.” Then Lila added, “Yeah you make me feel like crap about me and Carl all the time and guess what you coming after Cici being a jerk to Cici for everything saying that everything that everything the "rude girl" knows and does is because of her. There's also the fact that when you tease and make fun of us we are supposed to deal with it, but when we do it to you we are rude horrible people." Sara’s only response to that was “You guys never said that you weren't ok with it. You just need to tell us, and we will stop. No one ever said anything, so we thought it was ok.” I responded with “who is the we in this situation, because I told people to stop when they crossed a boundary and that one of the only people who never listened or apologized for it was lila. I haven't even taken anybody's side throughout this whole situation” after I say this, Sara goes off again. “I'm done ok. Just leave me out of all this. Be your own friend group. I'll be a singular person, and then I won't have to be a burden to anyone. Sorry I was such a bad friend. Also I don't want any pity.” At this point everyone is annoyed and tired of this situation so Ruby speaks up again telling Sara that she is not the main character and to grow up, and that she started it. After this Sara separates herself from us and as a week turns to two weeks then two weeks turns into a month. Between all of the fighting, homework, sports, and everyday stress I start to become irritable and snappy because no matter how much I try to stay neutral to keep peace, Sara and Cici are always fighting. So one time when the fighting over text picks up again I end up snapping at my family and yelling something at them that everyone would probably be happier if i just died. The next day I tried to act like everything was fine. I ended up making it until PE where I ended up breaking down infront of my teacher and skipping school for the rest of the day in the office crying my eyes out to the guidance counselor. I told her everything that happened and that sometimes when I tell my friends things I don't like or feel comfortable with, they sometimes will forget or ignore what i say. Which always makes me angry or sad because I always take the time to understand and respect my friends boundaries. that's when I realized that just because your friends are friends doesn’t mean they will always understand. Despite that fact I will always respect others boundaries even if they don’t respect mine and I will always remind others of my boundaries or distance myself from them. Just because your friends are friends doesn’t mean they will always understand and just because you can/want to say or do something hurtful doesn’t mean that you should. Know where to darw the line.

Hi guys. Firstly, burner account for obvious reasons. Secondly I want some.... outside perspective on this.
So I (31F) have been dating my boyfriend John (37M) for close to a year. John has a really great job but has a pet project living his dream of putting a music project together. You would never know he has no formal experience but he has a great ear and he found a really great musician to start off. A beautiful talented young woman by the name of Tammy (25F), whom John has no interest in romantically because, well... he is with me and is happy with me.
Now Tammy is bisexual and it's no secret she has a crush on me. Always hugging me, wanting to put her arm around me to take selfies with me, always complimenting me. I am not uncomfortable with it and neither is John because he feels it's just harmless affection between between two new besties.
One day I ask to speak to her in private and I tell her that John has this weird thing about wanting to lick my armpits during sex (I don't mind, just I never had a partner doing... that before and it actually feels good) and I asked her if she ever had a partner focus on it. She says no, but asks if I can raise my arms up. I do, and she says "I can see why John likes to lick them, even your armpits are gorgeous." She always makes a point to gush on me. Sorry for the TMI, btw.
When me and John got in the car later that day I tell him what I talked to Tammy about. He said, and I quote, "We all know her lesbian crush on you. I know you say you're hetero, but if you ever want to scratch that lesbian itch I am giving you a hall pass.... a lesbian hall pass where I will not consider it cheating as long as it's with another girl." I tell him thanks but it will never be used, and that's the end of it....
....Fast forward to a month later and John is out of town for a work thing. Tammy invites me out to go clubbing with her, and I accept. We go and have a great time, dancing, then she suddenly leans in and kisses me! At first I was taken aback, but then I remember the hall pass and decide to kiss her back. Well let's just say that we couldn't wait to get back to her place and just lay into each other.... she also got why my BF liked my armpits. It was my very first time doing anything with a woman and although I enjoyed the experience, I think I would rather be with my guy.
When John got back the next day, I couldn't hold back and told him I used the lesbian hall pass. He asked, "Who was the lucky lady?" When I tell him it was Tammy, he got quiet, then said "Of all the women you had to pick Tammy?" I told him he didn't say she was off limits or anything so why not? He told me, "What you did was like clicking the unsubscribe link in a spam email. It doesn't do what you think it does. By having sex with her, she is likely going to think she has a shot of being with you as her girlfriend." I tell him that's silly, she knows I am with you.
A couple of days later she comes to my house and tells me that she really likes me and that night confirmed her feelings for me. I tell her that our night together was a one-time only show and I am with John not to mention I am not really into women (Alcohol was involved). She burst into tears, left in a hurry and John said she called him and asked to take a break from the pet project. My friends that I told are saying I am the asshole not for using the hallpass but for deciding to use it on John's partner knowing her crush. But AITAH if John didn't tell me up from the start not to use it on her?

My boyfriend and I have been in a 16 month LDR, and we met 2 months ago. When we met in person, just the two of us, it was great.
I have 2 children. Dad isn’t involved. My eldest son is sensitive but amazing. My youngest son is so funny but has mild-mid autism.
I was reluctant to date him at first but he slowly showed me he adored me and I fell for him. He even bought me an expensive gift just to see me smile when we were only friends. He was kind, patient, and worships me. Literally, I walk on water to him.
From the beginning, he wasn’t keen on the dad thing, though he said he wanted to try. We didn’t meet straight away because I lived far away but also because I wanted time to get to know him.
He literally wanted me marry me on day one. He wanted to get a tattoo of me on his chest — I had to convince him not to. He got me out of debt. Spent all his savings to help me. Saved a couple of baby birds from the road because I inspired him to do good. He makes me say ten kind things about myself if I say one bad thing about myself. When I needed an Uber he sent me $2500 — what the hell??! He’s broke because of me. I didn’t ask him for money - not once. But I’d be lying if I told you it didn’t help me and my kids a lot. It’s basically meant I could stay in this house I’m renting for 16 months more. He’s listened to me, been there for me.
When we approached our first year together, sure, he didn’t gift me as much or was not as romantic. I wrote a manuscript and asked him to read the first chapter and he said he would only read it to me to help me go to sleep (he used to read to me to help me go to sleep). But I was sad he wouldn’t read it. Little things changed. But I expected them to.
When we met in person, he was wonderful. Charming. Kind. Sex was kinda weird as he is a gamer virgin. He couldn’t pleasure me and I couldn’t make him cum - possibly due to him having sensitivity issues as he touched too hard. This worried me but I put it aside.
Last week, I had major surgery coming up. My boyfriend is broke now, having helped me so much. Nonetheless, he flew to me. On the day he flew, he met my kids for the first time. He barely spoke to them, it was awkward.
My kids were giggling a little at the restaurant we went to. Nothing that would have made me upset at them. My boyfriend didn’t like it though. It was so weird.
When I was in hospital, he’d drive to see me every day for the three days I was there. He cleaned me, fed me, brushed my hair, wiped my butt — he looked after me so well.
Then, when I was at hospital and he was at my house, he heard my mum and my autistic son having a tiff. Basically, my mum got my son out of a morning routine and he was rowdy. I’m not saying his behaviour was good. He was loud and not listening to my mum. Next thing, my boyfriend, who went to bed at 5am playing video games, woke up and screamed at my boys from upstairs “STOP THAT NOW, DONT MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE.” My eldest son was so shook up he was sobbing in the car to school. He was so looking forward to meeting my boyfriend and having a dad at last. His hopes were shattered.
I let this go at first because I needed my boyfriend. But when I got home, my autistic son was complaining about a few things and my boyfriend was visibly irritated though said nothing.
When he got home on his flight, he said my son was a problem and needed to be disciplined. I’m not above disciplinary actions and evoke them often. But my son does have autism. He needs to be spoken to differently.
My family and friends were horrified with what I told them.
I called my boyfriend up, and to bitesize our conversation, he said the following phrases: “I told you I wasn’t ready to be a dad, I’m just some dude.” “I’ll spend time with them if they’re quiet.” “When they are loud they can go to their room.” When i asked, “What if they see a rainbow and are all excited?” He said, “As long as they’re not too loud.” When I told him sometimes you have to talk to my autistic son a little differently, his reply was “I don’t care. I don’t care that he’s got autism. I’m not having him act like that. He needs to be disciplined.”
I was… blindsided. “You’re unbelievable,” I said in shock. He said, “YOURE unbelievable.”
This guy was the man of my dreams. The light at the end of the tunnel. After the horrible relationship I suffered, he was the gift for my troubles. And suddenly I’m preparing to leave him. I don’t get how this happened. How could someone so lovely be like this? A man who cries at movies, who cried at the thought of leaving me to go back home or who cried about how lucky he was to have me only days ago? Throughout this whole year he’s been my champion.
Now my kids hate him and he seemingly hates them. I need advice on what to do. My gut says leave, I can’t trust him alone with my kids, the other a part says I’m being dramatic, just like he said I was being when I was questioning him in shock.
He’s become my whole world, and the dating world for me is not kind. But my kids come first. I’m scared. I don’t know if I’m making the right choice.

My roommate dates a LOT, and usually brings her dates home. She recently became polyamorous and has been bringing home a new guy on average every month for the past 6 months. At baseline, I feel uncomfortable having a roommate bring home this many guys. But the fact that now they are all married men, makes me super uncomfortable because it goes against everything I believe. She is my good friend, and I want to support her in "exploring her identity", but I can't deny how uncomfortable I feel. To me, a home should be a safe space, that's only for you and the people you love. Having my home occupied by a different man every month of the year feels like I'm living in a hotel, and it doesn't feel safe to me.
Is it a normal human emotion to want your physical home to feel emotionally safe, and to no longer feel that way when your roommate is bringing home a new boyfriend every month? Or am I being a controlling person?
For context, bringing a man home, for me is a very big deal, and I've only done it a handful of times in my entire life. I've done "shadow work" before, and I realize that to some degree, I think maybe I subconsciously, resent how "open and free" she is, when I don't live my life like that at all. So I have been working on "integrating my shadows" by addressing how guarded I can be. In that way it was a positive experience. But I'm still uncomfortable, and at what point do I say, we just shouldn't live together anymore?
Basically, with regards to my level of discomfort, does that mean there is more shadow work to be done? Or does it mean that something just really doesn't align with my soul and I need to move out?

We all want nothing more than for a relationship to be successful; to finally have that someone that you can consistently depend on and be with; to grow old with and go through life together.
We recently played the Let’s Get Deep Couples Edition card game and one question led to a whole conversation.
To keep it short, I haven’t been able to fulfill his sexual needs just in part due to traumas that I experienced and he has been patient enough to not ask me that because he didn’t want to push.
He, on the other hand, isn’t able to put in equal finances a la take me out on food dates, buy me goods, etc. whereas I put in more of the finances and secure a lot of that, of course with my own struggles.
It got to the point where he said in a defeated manner that he would understand if I left him because he wasn’t being a good boyfriend and wasn’t putting in equal efforts and would be fine with it as it would stop holding me back from being fully happy. I cried because I was shocked that he would say that instead of coming up with new ideas and ways to combat this hardship. On one hand, I understand where he is coming from and that he is ultimately looking out for my happiness but he also is really afraid of losing me.
Me, on the other hand, I now don’t know what to feel. I feel distant from him, I feel hurt that he isn’t wanting to put in the effort to keep me but instead is basically putting the cards in my hand to deal myself. I also love him a lot and can’t stand seeing him be hard on himself and be down and I hurt thinking about him having to struggle through life.
I’m conflicted because I love him and want the best for him and he does too. I’m not sure my next move. We have EDC coming up this week and after that, who knows. What struggles have you all gone through with your exes or current partners and how did the both of you overcome, if at all?

I 30f am way too old for this but. Ive never had a serious relationship. Met a guy at age 22 first guy I fell in love with. Only it wasnt mutual. We started off as a casual hookup/friendship which I thought I was OK with eventually told him I wasnt but he would kinda dangle the promise of a relationship with me for years and since we lived at a long distance that was kind of his excuse. It turned out he was not a nice guy anyway, he mistreated me a crazy amount and discarded me whenever convenient for him. He was narcissistic. He was also the most fun Ive ever had with a person. I will never feel that way again, but I have to remind myself it wasnt anything sentimental or real. Ive gone to therapy, online dated a ton, had some crushes, some flings, some longer things that almost turned serious but felt really boring. I cant seem to find someone and never feel good enough for the people I truly like and feel a connection to. It all started with him.
Anyway, he tried to reconnect many, many times to the point I had to block him on absolutely everything as he would not stop reaching out over the years but would only come back to shatter me again. He would always say how do you not have a boyfriend youre so xyz, and encourage me to find a boyfriend meanwhile he was just toying with my emotions. When I joined insta, about 6 months ago, he tried following me and I blocked him. Things went too far that last time we saw eachother, and I felt pathetic and degraded. Hes been blocked for about 2 years now. So our "not relationship" went on seven. years. I know this is shameful. I have a burner insta account where I lurk a bit (I know its bad) and I lurk several ppl himself included. He sent the account a message saying "why you lurking me". I blocked him on my burner account.
As an INFP how do I get rid of the sentimental feelings and reminiscing of a first love. Ive been open minded, but I have terrible luck/maybe just not quite "enough" for the type of person I wish to be with. Ive tried dating all types of guys but with the ones I truly like, I always get discarded. I get dates easily, but rarely get asked out a 2nd time. Guys I meet organically also lose interest super quick. I have come to accept I may never find someone, never have kids. I'll certainly never have that young love. Im kind of in a low point realizing this, even though other aspects of my life are going well. What I want most is romantic love. I guess thats why lately my mind wanders back to this guy just to see what hes doing as he was someone I talked to regularly for 7 years. I will never speak to him again but always wonder if he misses me ever.

Me (23F) and my boyfriend (27M) have had quite the untraditional relationship from its very start and I think it's starting to show in the form of resentment.
I want to preface this by saying this is my first Reddit post so please bear with me and any mistakes I may make in creating this post.
Anyway, my boyfriend and I met a 2.5 years ago on a dating app in November of 2021 and had four wonderful months together before he landed his first job fresh out of college with no consideration as to how it would affect our relationship or how I would feel about it. Upon hire, this job told him he would be working 2 weeks on with 2 weeks off and so on. Ever since the start he was always gone for a minimum of a month at a time with not even a week off between hitches. This severely limited our time to grow together as a new couple. At first, I was okay with it, ever happy for him, but as time progressed I quickly became lonely. I expressed this to him for many months but he never had the courage to confront his boss about their original agreement and how it had never been upheld. I should also mention that this job required him to work 6pm-6am 7 days a week. I usually worked 6am- 2pm while going to school and even after I graduated college. That being said, we rarely ever got to talk while he was away because one of us would be sleeping while the other working.
He lived in a small house by himself at this time and had no roommates. I had my own apartment just a couple minutes down the road. Because of him being gone all the time, I offered to start checking up on the house during the summer (2022) while he was away to make sure it was being maintained and not broken into or anything. Me, being the person I am, couldn't help but see the grass overgrown, the house dirty, etc., and not do anything about it. So, as a loving girlfriend, I would do a great amount of work maintaining the house in his absence. I even went above and beyond one week and spent 10+ hours a day deep-cleaning the house from top to bottom as he and his roommates had left it quite filthy, if you can imagine with it being a boys' college house. (Yes, I know that sounds crazy but part of me was hoping one day I would live there and couldn't imagine doing so in the condition it was in.)
Fast forward to December of 2022, my boyfriend asked me to move in with him. He still had the same job which had put a huge strain on our relationship, but part of me hoped this would help put us back on track.
I moved in, of course, and things progressively got worse. I finally told him I couldn't stay with someone who was never even around to be with and he finally got a new job this last March (2024). This job was supposed to be remote with him going out in the field 5% of the time and always having weekends off. This was great until the job started running out of work for him. They started offering to send him away to other states like his old job did for work only this time he wouldn't tell me until a day or two in advance and I'm never sure when he'll be back. Going on these trips also aren't a requirement for him but rather ensure he gets a minimum of 40 hours a week.
Fast forward to now, over a year later, and I feel stuck. I have told him time and time again that I can't keep living in this house like a live-in maid. We split all the bills equally and yet he's the one always away only ever working while I'm working full-time, taking care of our 4 pets, maintaining the house (cleaning, yard maintenance, fixing all the broken things that come with an old house, making improvements, etc) and always having so much weight on my shoulders that prevent me from being able to ever sit down and relax or have time to myself.
To top things off, I recently lost my grandmother, my dad has been in and out of the hospital, and I got a new job that I have no experience for so it's ALL brand new to me and a lot to learn. Needless to say, my plate is always full while he just has to wake up, go to work, go to bed, repeat. And when he comes home he does next to nothing. I have to beg him to help me with things around the house or to fix things and even then it rarely ever happens.
Intimacy in our relationship is next to nonexistent, he forgot my birthday last year, never shows affection, or does small things for me like buy me flowers or things to show his love for me, etc. I feel like I'm dating a ghost that I no longer have any attraction towards and am even building resentment for.
So, in a long-winded way, what do I do? I need help or advice as to what I should do. I feel stuck but can't move out because it's too expensive and there are no places available to rent within my budget that allow pets. I thought about moving back home temporarily but I JUST started this new job a month ago. Part of me wants to make it work, but part of me doesn't and I am tired of wrestling with myself for the last year. So, I need your guys' thoughts on my situation.
Comment any questions and I will do my best to answer them. Thanks in advance :)

We have been together since 4 years and I just saw that he commented on a post that asked : if you have the choice to save 2 what would you pick ? The options were mother , girlfriend, your kid and 20M $ , my bf picked his mom and 20M $ . I wouldn’t fuss about it if he didn’t have a history of letting me know that he would always choose money over me if he has the choice but he made it clear many times.
I understand that financial stability is important , but he doesn’t even know how to manage his money that well and borrows a lot from me (he gives it back ofc). So I don’t understand the obsession over money. I’ve asked him sometimes if he would be willing to lose me forever for 10 000 $ and he replies yes. I try to tell him that it’s a bit hurtful and weird in my opinion it’s so toxic . but he claps back saying that I never worked once in my life and that I wouldn’t understand.
It’s true we come from a different background thankfully my parents help me a lot . Him on the other hand he has to work to take care of himself and also his family back in is hometown. I try to be really understanding but it doesn’t make sense to me to be able to put money before a person who truly loves and support you . Money comes and goes right? If you lose some u can always gain it back but a genuine partner who loves you is so special nowadays and I feel like he doesn’t really see how lucky he is to be with me ( in the most humble way possible btw) .
He recently got a job at Sephora as a security agent. I was a bit nervous about it because he will be surrounded by women and he hasn’t always been honest about stuff. But I didn’t cause an argument and I accepted his choice and recently he told me that he needs to go back to his house and that he can’t live with me anymore because the Sephora shop is closer to his house. I got mad because he didn’t tell me about it sooner . Hell we were at the restaurant yesterday he talked about it he saw that my mood was shifting a bit so he said that he’s joking and that he won’t leave . As soon as we arrived home he came and told me that he needs to leave and I was so confused it didn’t sit right with me the whole process of letting me know about it. I got mad and again he called me selfish and told me that I wouldn’t understand cause I don’t have a family to take care of . I don’t know what do do anymore this makes me question everything. Is it normal to prioritize money that much?
TL;DR: My boyfriend commented on a post asking which two he’d save: mother, girlfriend , kid, or $20M. He chose his mom and the money. He has a history of saying he’d choose money over me, which hurts since he often borrows from me. I understand his financial background is different from mine, but his obsession with money feels toxic. He recently got a job at Sephora and decided to move back home without properly discussing it with me, saying it’s closer to work. This, along with his dismissive attitude towards my feelings, makes me question our relationship and whether it’s normal to prioritize money this much.

Well I guess that I have to start somewhere, so why not the end! I’ve been disowned for the umpteenth time by my parents (or rather by my mum because over the years, Dad has just learned to go along with whatever she says out of duress!) This has all been as a result of my having visited them in Hay ( a 700 kilometre round trip might I add) because my Dad’s brother passed away this week and it was Mother’s Day. I thought that I’d go to show my condolences and to wish my mother and sister who also lives there a happy Mother’s Day and bring them all some hand made gifts, I’m a bit sentimental like that.
I have taken to the craft of making pebble art. The gift that I made for my mother was of an image depicting my family with my parents, my sister and I and my brother who’s passed away, as he is handing my mum a bunch of flowers. I made one for my dad depicting he and my Nan (his mother) fishing at their favourite fishing spot; my Nan passed away just last month as well and I thought it’d be a nice gesture, then I gave my sister one as well with a quote about sisters being joined by the heart.
The first day, Friday, that my husband, daughter and I came there was okay. It always is especially when I’ve not seen them for six months or more! We catch up, mum talks about her very many health conditions, she then complains a little bit about everything and everyone but it’s not over the top at this point because she and my dad are kept busy opening gifts and seemingly happy to see us! But we had decided before coming that we were going to stay in separate accommodation for the weekend with the knowledge that things with my mother usually go sour very quickly! And if we’re not having to stay at their home when it does then we can at least retain some mental stability throughout our trip! This would normally be a point in which I’d let out a bit of a chuckle or if I’m texting or writing a social media post, that I’d add the LOL at the end of that statement, simply due to the stupid realisation that unfortunately it is so very true that it’s almost comical, remembering in my mind the very many times that her very predictable unstable behaviour kicks in at around the 24 hour mark and doesn’t often dissipate until well after we’ve left if not months later! I have no clue as to why I’m still surprised by this occurrence?! Perhaps it’s because it is so unbelievably erratic and shocking to anyone that witnesses it that still even now it’s hard not only to watch unfold but to believe!
But sadly as a result of these personally flips, she lashes out in anger, she can become nasty and callous, her comments are cold and uncaring, she can become physically aggressive, and the damage done during these times can be hard to ever overcome, especially if she aims any comment or remark at you! It is during these times that you know in your soul that she has not a single care for you, not an ounce, and that the only attention or compassion shown towards you as her child or friend is one of obligation out of her need to keep up appearances with those who are still weaved in her web of “social media” deception! She wouldn’t dare lift a finger for anyone in person! But just the fact that we pre decided to obtain alternative accommodation was possibly one of the triggers I was already prepared would set her off, as we would usually choose to stay with her and dad in their spare room over crowded with belongings of the past and present, not unlike the rest of their home.
With this alone, one would see that she has an overwhelming need to retain old memories, be them bad or good. She still literally keeps every ounce of clothing I’ve ever passed on to her since well before I had children which was 27 years ago! Looking in her wardrobe, there are outfits there I remember her wearing when I was a teenager! Her bathroom still retains the $2 gifts (still in their packaging) that us kids bought for her from school Mother’s Day stalls, and the Mary Kay makeup I used to steal when I was attending high school!
Her kitchen still holds the Amway cookware she purchased for hundreds of dollars before I can remember! And to make matters worse, even some of the food in her pantry is from supermarkets no longer operating! Over the years, her hoarding has been a bit of a thorn in dad’s side, having lived a life of drifting from house to house, town to town, moving around as often as they have, having to cart it all along with them and something us kids (myself, my brother and sister) have always found funny to pick on her about, but in writing this, it is easy to see that her need to keep the past fresh in her mind and under her nose is a sickness all In itself.
Whilst we were visiting, we visited my sister in her little unit. It’s like walking back into the 70s and equally as much as a step back in time like my mother’s house! My sister has been diagnosed with schizophrenia which when first diagnosed was apparently drug induced, however; going from the lifestyle we were forced to live as the children to my parents and their lifestyle choices plus my brother and I having been diagnosed with conditions and disorders of our own, putting the puzzle pieces together as to how we’ve all accumulated mental health diagnoses isn’t that difficult taking into consideration that neither one of my parents exerted any kind of maternal instincts at all! And not even as us kids have grown and struggled through our lives, we had always been told by them that once we turned 18 we’d no longer be their “problem” anymore!
My sister’s name is Julie. She moved in with my mum and dad after one of her countless admissions to the psychiatric hospital in Bendigo, having absconded from their independent living facility which is meant to be a monitored introduction back into society after a mental health admission, but she always left before she gave the chance for them to find her accommodation that wasn’t with her abusive ex husband and 4 children.
Sitting down with her in her home, hearing all about the time she’s lived in Hay both with and near my parents, how our mum would bail her up sometimes (which had happened recently) even physically, how she’s thrown dishes at her and how she abuses her denying her food for being overweight on a daily basis… how she calls her fat and crazy… there’s literally a Myriad of abuse in all its forms being dished out to Julie, and yet, because she has nowhere else to go, like the situation my brother was in living with them on and off before he passed away (under questionable circumstances in my opinion) she has no choice but to endure it… and it saddens me to hear about it all let alone see it going on right before my eyes! Especially when the exact same denigrating comments about being useless, overweight, a waste of a life and criticism about the way she’s living her life, the choices she’s making and what she chooses to eat etc etc was also drilled into my brother by my parents and whispered to all that they spoke too for many many years before by brother lost his life.
I know through my own experience having lived with her that her poisonous mouth can lead a person to questioning your mere existence, your reason for living and remove all self esteem in a single spat with her! In 2013 I took an overdose due to a gross level of mental health issues and past trauma which I couldn’t deal with. My parents were living with us at the time and my youngest daughter exhibited some challenging behaviours… my mum found it difficult to cope with her however she made no attempt at patience or compassion and so in a fleeting moment she’s said to my daughter “if I was your mother I would’ve killed myself a long time ago!”
Wow! Just WOW! The above mentioned examples of how toxic my mother is… after only explaining to you the very tip of the iceberg in these few paragraphs, even I am second guessing writing this at all, and I’m finding it hard to fathom how I can rehash the past and get into more detail about the really bad situations! Not to mention, go into my life right from childhood until now with her and my father which is yet to come!
Writing this down, whether I share it here or not is going to be a huge journey for me that’ll take a lot of courage and open some really raw emotions… bring back old memories that I’ve suppressed and disassociated myself from… there will undoubtedly be many trigger points that I will go into which some people might become affected by, including me, but mine is a life that was, is and continues to be a challenge day in and day out… it’s something I’ve had to survive, a life and reality that I still struggle so much with but least attempt to cope with and in some way, I hope that my story will be able to shine a light on just how the importance of love, attention, affection and nurturing in our childhood really do mould the person we eventually become…

Mostly just need to vent.
So my table has one large mission as the main arc, but currently focused on an integral smaller mission within the larger mission. Main mission cannot be completed without this second one.
My table got a bit derailed tonight when a PC forgot about the mini mission (despite that being the whole previous hour….a bio break and short rest for for the in game characters made them whoosh forget that & they showed up at our next location super aggro and demanding my npc lead them to character needed for the main mission.
I tried to get them back on track, mentioning that that character wasn’t there. Why were they at this building (hint hint) and one poor PC tried to speak up but no one was listening.
I knew my npc had a hook to make him instant friends with a PC, so when they finally asked about a character involved with the mini mission I started my 3 sentence paragraph to give needed information. I wasn’t 6 words into my statement & this PC interrupted me and shoved my npc and yelled at him for being sexist (he was calling the 3rd character a rude teachers pet, which is probably the nicest adjectives you could use for this character) I pivoted and tried to have my npc mention the reason they were there and this 3rd character being involved…nope a 2nd pc PICKS UP MY NPC AND STARTED THREATENING THEM IN THEIR OWN HOME
I had to stop the table and remind them everyone was a good aligned character. They just walked into someone’s home, were welcomed nicely, the npc introduced themselves but they didn’t introduce themselves, they started demanding stuff and the got rightful defensive and now he’s being attacked….well my 2 PCs said I made a very unlikable npc and said they wouldn’t change anything.
Okay. Who am I to show horn them into a path. They then guns blazing go into the room with the actual bad guy…no planning or plan…per my module she’s to instantly cast fireball. I stopped the session before she cast anything. I ran the damage and the two PCs closest if they didn’t pass their saving throw would be on death saves…..I don’t want to do that, but I am mad they are being so aggressive.
This is only session 2 and they weren’t this aggressive the first session. Our previous campaign I wasn’t the DM and this group was really murder hobo-y but everyone was on board (it was Shrahd) and the setting more lent itself to that. But even then our DM then would complain we didn’t ask questions or talk to NPCs or try anything other than hit first and go oops we needed that person later.
Frustratingly the main aggro PC is our former DM.
I have talked to him already. He apologized. And promised to let me finish speaking when characters are talking. Especially when it’s obvious I’m reading something prepared (probably important if I wrote it down)…but his advice was to have us “reset” back to when they came inside, but I don’t want to do that.
As sorta frustrated as I am, that’s part of dnd. Having your characters go their path. I’m just not sure how to get them back on track. I want to punish them for going so fast into this, but I know if attack them with this 3rd character then they’ll attack back and probably not hold back and leave the campaign if their character died start of session 3. (I’ve invested $300 into this module and really want to see atleast some of it through) I did metagame warn them that they’re level 3 and they need to start thinking about that before they go attacking everyone they meet. (The npc they shoved and nearly fought was a level 13 wizard…they weren’t going to win that fight).
Guess I’m also frustrated that I’m the only female in the group and they attributed alot of negative female connotations to the one sentence my npc said (called him catty, b**chy, rude, annoying, petty) when they knew the person they were meeting was a part of a known evil organization. But no how dare my nice, welcoming npc not like the evil organization character….when I asked that in the session debrief I was told it was “how I presented him” with my one sentence…I think next time I would stop them and say “let me finish what he was saying before you take that action” but I’m not sure that would have changed anything.
Just sad that I don’t think this group is the right group for this campaign and I’m so invested in the story.

We have been together since 4 years and I just saw that he commented on a post that asked : if you have the choice to save 2 what would you pick ? The options were mother , girlfriend, your kid and 20M $ , my bf picked his mom and 20M $ . I wouldn’t fuss about it if he didn’t have a history of letting me know that he would always choose money over me if he has the choice but he made it clear many times.
I understand that financial stability is important , but he doesn’t even know how to manage his money that well and borrows a lot from me (he gives it back ofc). So I don’t understand the obsession over money. I’ve asked him sometimes if he would be willing to lose me forever for 10 000 $ and he replies yes. I try to tell him that it’s a bit hurtful and weird in my opinion it’s so toxic . but he claps back saying that I never worked once in my life and that I wouldn’t understand.
It’s true we come from a different background thankfully my parents help me a lot . Him on the other hand he has to work to take care of himself and also his family back in is hometown. I try to be really understanding but it doesn’t make sense to me to be able to put money before a person who truly loves and support you . Money comes and goes right? If you lose some u can always gain it back but a genuine partner who loves you is so special nowadays and I feel like he doesn’t really see how lucky he is to be with me ( in the most humble way possible btw) .
He recently got a job at Sephora as a security agent. I was a bit nervous about it because he will be surrounded by women and he hasn’t always been honest about stuff. But I didn’t cause an argument and I accepted his choice and recently he told me that he needs to go back to his house and that he can’t live with me anymore because the Sephora shop is closer to his house. I got mad because he didn’t tell me about it sooner . Hell we were at the restaurant yesterday he talked about it he saw that my mood was shifting a bit so he said that he’s joking and that he won’t leave . As soon as we arrived home he came and told me that he needs to leave and I was so confused it didn’t sit right with me the whole process of letting me know about it. I got mad and again he called me selfish and told me that I wouldn’t understand cause I don’t have a family to take care of . I don’t know what do do anymore this makes me question everything. Is it normal to prioritize money that much?
TL;DR: My boyfriend commented on a post asking which two he’d save: mother, girlfriend , kid, or $20M. He chose his mom and the money. He has a history of saying he’d choose money over me, which hurts since he often borrows from me. I understand his financial background is different from mine, but his obsession with money feels toxic. He recently got a job at Sephora and decided to move back home without properly discussing it with me, saying it’s closer to work. This, along with his dismissive attitude towards my feelings, makes me question our relationship and whether it’s normal to prioritize money this much.

Well I guess that I have to start somewhere, so why not the end! I’ve been disowned for the umpteenth time by my parents (or rather by my mum because over the years, Dad has just learned to go along with whatever she says out of duress!) This has all been as a result of my having visited them in Hay ( a 700 kilometre round trip might I add) because my Dad’s brother passed away this week and it was Mother’s Day. I thought that I’d go to show my condolences and to wish my mother and sister who also lives there a happy Mother’s Day and bring them all some hand made gifts, I’m a bit sentimental like that.
I have taken to the craft of making pebble art. The gift that I made for my mother was of an image depicting my family with my parents, my sister and I and my brother who’s passed away, as he is handing my mum a bunch of flowers. I made one for my dad depicting he and my Nan (his mother) fishing at their favourite fishing spot; my Nan passed away just last month as well and I thought it’d be a nice gesture, then I gave my sister one as well with a quote about sisters being joined by the heart.
The first day, Friday, that my husband, daughter and I came there was okay. It always is especially when I’ve not seen them for six months or more! We catch up, mum talks about her very many health conditions, she then complains a little bit about everything and everyone but it’s not over the top at this point because she and my dad are kept busy opening gifts and seemingly happy to see us! But we had decided before coming that we were going to stay in separate accommodation for the weekend with the knowledge that things with my mother usually go sour very quickly! And if we’re not having to stay at their home when it does then we can at least retain some mental stability throughout our trip! This would normally be a point in which I’d let out a bit of a chuckle or if I’m texting or writing a social media post, that I’d add the LOL at the end of that statement, simply due to the stupid realisation that unfortunately it is so very true that it’s almost comical, remembering in my mind the very many times that her very predictable unstable behaviour kicks in at around the 24 hour mark and doesn’t often dissipate until well after we’ve left if not months later! I have no clue as to why I’m still surprised by this occurrence?! Perhaps it’s because it is so unbelievably erratic and shocking to anyone that witnesses it that still even now it’s hard not only to watch unfold but to believe!
But sadly as a result of these personally flips, she lashes out in anger, she can become nasty and callous, her comments are cold and uncaring, she can become physically aggressive, and the damage done during these times can be hard to ever overcome, especially if she aims any comment or remark at you! It is during these times that you know in your soul that she has not a single care for you, not an ounce, and that the only attention or compassion shown towards you as her child or friend is one of obligation out of her need to keep up appearances with those who are still weaved in her web of “social media” deception! She wouldn’t dare lift a finger for anyone in person! But just the fact that we pre decided to obtain alternative accommodation was possibly one of the triggers I was already prepared would set her off, as we would usually choose to stay with her and dad in their spare room over crowded with belongings of the past and present, not unlike the rest of their home.
With this alone, one would see that she has an overwhelming need to retain old memories, be them bad or good. She still literally keeps every ounce of clothing I’ve ever passed on to her since well before I had children which was 27 years ago! Looking in her wardrobe, there are outfits there I remember her wearing when I was a teenager! Her bathroom still retains the $2 gifts (still in their packaging) that us kids bought for her from school Mother’s Day stalls, and the Mary Kay makeup I used to steal when I was attending high school!
Her kitchen still holds the Amway cookware she purchased for hundreds of dollars before I can remember! And to make matters worse, even some of the food in her pantry is from supermarkets no longer operating! Over the years, her hoarding has been a bit of a thorn in dad’s side, having lived a life of drifting from house to house, town to town, moving around as often as they have, having to cart it all along with them and something us kids (myself, my brother and sister) have always found funny to pick on her about, but in writing this, it is easy to see that her need to keep the past fresh in her mind and under her nose is a sickness all In itself.
Whilst we were visiting, we visited my sister in her little unit. It’s like walking back into the 70s and equally as much as a step back in time like my mother’s house! My sister has been diagnosed with schizophrenia which when first diagnosed was apparently drug induced, however; going from the lifestyle we were forced to live as the children to my parents and their lifestyle choices plus my brother and I having been diagnosed with conditions and disorders of our own, putting the puzzle pieces together as to how we’ve all accumulated mental health diagnoses isn’t that difficult taking into consideration that neither one of my parents exerted any kind of maternal instincts at all! And not even as us kids have grown and struggled through our lives, we had always been told by them that once we turned 18 we’d no longer be their “problem” anymore!
My sister’s name is Julie. She moved in with my mum and dad after one of her countless admissions to the psychiatric hospital in Bendigo, having absconded from their independent living facility which is meant to be a monitored introduction back into society after a mental health admission, but she always left before she gave the chance for them to find her accommodation that wasn’t with her abusive ex husband and 4 children.
Sitting down with her in her home, hearing all about the time she’s lived in Hay both with and near my parents, how our mum would bail her up sometimes (which had happened recently) even physically, how she’s thrown dishes at her and how she abuses her denying her food for being overweight on a daily basis… how she calls her fat and crazy… there’s literally a Myriad of abuse in all its forms being dished out to Julie, and yet, because she has nowhere else to go, like the situation my brother was in living with them on and off before he passed away (under questionable circumstances in my opinion) she has no choice but to endure it… and it saddens me to hear about it all let alone see it going on right before my eyes! Especially when the exact same denigrating comments about being useless, overweight, a waste of a life and criticism about the way she’s living her life, the choices she’s making and what she chooses to eat etc etc was also drilled into my brother by my parents and whispered to all that they spoke too for many many years before by brother lost his life.
I know through my own experience having lived with her that her poisonous mouth can lead a person to questioning your mere existence, your reason for living and remove all self esteem in a single spat with her! In 2013 I took an overdose due to a gross level of mental health issues and past trauma which I couldn’t deal with. My parents were living with us at the time and my youngest daughter exhibited some challenging behaviours… my mum found it difficult to cope with her however she made no attempt at patience or compassion and so in a fleeting moment she’s said to my daughter “if I was your mother I would’ve killed myself a long time ago!”
Wow! Just WOW! The above mentioned examples of how toxic my mother is… after only explaining to you the very tip of the iceberg in these few paragraphs, even I am second guessing writing this at all, and I’m finding it hard to fathom how I can rehash the past and get into more detail about the really bad situations! Not to mention, go into my life right from childhood until now with her and my father which is yet to come!
Writing this down, whether I share it here or not is going to be a huge journey for me that’ll take a lot of courage and open some really raw emotions… bring back old memories that I’ve suppressed and disassociated myself from… there will undoubtedly be many trigger points that I will go into which some people might become affected by, including me, but mine is a life that was, is and continues to be a challenge day in and day out… it’s something I’ve had to survive, a life and reality that I still struggle so much with but least attempt to cope with and in some way, I hope that my story will be able to shine a light on just how the importance of love, attention, affection and nurturing in our childhood really do mould the person we eventually become…

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AdhesivenessMurky204
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: PTSD, mentions of abortion, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, sexual assault, rape
Original Post: April 28, 2024
My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly.
My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well.
Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight.
Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this.
I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the oven cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle.
I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs
Relevant Comments
deepsleepsheepmeep: NTA. Your husband is though. Your body has already been through A LOT. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery and you are right about being out of commission for a while when recovering. If he is more concerned with an imaginary future wife than he is for you, I don’t think there is much hope for this marriage.
We have 4 close friends who all got vasectomies. None of them bitched about it like your wimp of a husband. We actually had fun vasectomy themed parties for them.
On the off chance he does end up getting a vasectomy, make sure to do the follow up appointments. One of the vasectomy fab 4 did not follow through and ended up with a post-vasectomy baby.

OOP: Thank you, I feel like this is a lot of what has been so upsetting has been that he's thinking about some imaginary future wife when I'm right here, his actual wife, the mother of his children. It's like he's already imagining a future without me.

 
Update: AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?: May 3, 2024
I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world.
First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:

You’re 100% going to have a C-section anyway so just get a tubal while giving birth.

No, I’m not 100% going to have a C-section anyway. Twins are not an automatic C-section. With my birth history there is no reason to presume that a C-section is in my future. My OB agrees, and has discussed the possibility as doctors have to do but also said that based on my past two birth experiences, I'm a "perfect candidate" for vaginal delivery.
I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.

Go to another state and obtain an abortion anyway.

I appreciate the personal offers to help I received in DMs deeply, but no. I’m in my 2nd trimester, which I know is still legal in some places, however I am at a point in my pregnancy where I personally as an individual do not feel comfortable obtaining an abortion, considering I would be *even farther* along by the time I could travel (which is not only finances, but logistics as well). I am 16 weeks pregnant now, these babies aren’t just clusters of cells to me anymore, and I’m not going to expand on that since it’s not up for debate.

Why not adoption?

With love and respect to everyone who has gone through adoption in all its aspects, adoption is absolutely not for me. This is a thought process I already went through 8 years ago, and now that I’m a mother and not a scared teenager I know it’s even less for me. I personally could not go through with it and come out the other side intact. Going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me.

Leave him and give him full custody of the twins

No. Because going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me. Jesus, some of y’all.

Just have a sexless marriage.

No. I love banging my husband, obviously lol. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage and anyone who has been to an abstinence-only high school knows that abstinence is not the way lol. There were a lot of comments assuming I would be perfectly fine withholding sex from my husband and having na dead bedroom, and I wouldn't. I have a sex drive. I'm going to want to bang my husband. Wanting to have sex with your spouse is *normal*.

What you would do about birth control if you divorced and dated in the future?

I’m not thinking of dating anyone else right now, because I’m thinking more about saving my actual marriage instead of an imaginary relationship. And if theoretically I did, I would probably seek out a partner who was snipped or was ready to be to be honestly, or a woman. I’m bisexual so there’s a very good chance that my future partner wouldn’t have the right parts to knock me up anyway lol.

Jack is sabotaging your birth control

I clarified my methods in the original post (as per my last email), but I did want to address this because it came up a LOT. I don’t have reason to believe that Jack sabotaged my birth control. A number of other fertile Myrtles showed up and brought up they or their family members repeated pregnancies in the face of birth control, including tubals. Accusing my husband of reproductive coercion for no reason other than I keep getting pregnant is a big leap and a weighty accusation. I am not the only fertile Myrtle out there, there's a reason there's a whole term for it.

Your husband is a narcissist, abuser, psychopath, and he does no childcare

My husband and I historically have a really healthy and loving relationship outside of this fight. In fact, this fight is the first time we’ve really had a fight, we’ve only ever had little arguments that we’ve been able to talk through. He’s an active father, the reason that I do the majority of childcare is due to circumstance between maternity leaves, our job schedules and the fact that I breastfed my babies. Someone also presumed I’m the breadwinner, which isn’t quite true. Jack makes more than me, but we do not have deeply significant differences in our incomes. When he is home he does his fair share of cleaning and cooking (arguably more than me at times), and parenting. That being said, the things he said in the heat of the moment were deeply concerning, and we’re addressing that together.
So to get down to the nitty gritty of the real update: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy. It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.
As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.
Additional information from OOP on her relationships

OOP: I've been through a trial to convict my ex-boyfriend of trying to kill me because of an abortion in a deep red, deeply religious area. I've definitely heard worse things, and I typically have pretty thick skin. That being said, I am pregnant and pretty emotional, so it's not the best experience. That being said, I do appreciate the level-headed comments when I see them through the sea of comments kind of saying the same stuff over and over. I'm not reading a lot of them if what I can see in the comment notification starts off nasty, so a lot of it is just inbox white noise. My favorites are the ones that start off with "I'm not going to read that BUT..." and I just think lol same. Like you don't want to read my post but expect me to read your comment that was made without even reading the situation? lol nope. And there are a lot of people conflating "providing someone with a hard choice" with "forcing someone into a medical procedure" and it just makes wading through for the actually helpful comments more tiring. Thank you though, I very much appreciate the kindness. Sorry, I've gotten so much of the same nonsense I guess I needed a little vent lol.

OOP on wanting her husband to make a decision and be on the same page

OOP: I want to be honest with him about where I am emotionally because I want him to make an informed decision. While the vasectomy is a deal breaker, it's really my secondary concern. My primary concern is the way he acted during the fight and his intention exploitation of my trauma because he was mad and scared. I think that telling him "get the snip to stay with me" and then deciding to leave anyway because there are deeper issues and/or I don't feel safe anymore would be cruel. He deserves to have the full picture before he makes a choice, doesn't he?
If he doesn't want the vasectomy, that's his choice. It's not what I want, but it is what it is. If he wants to call it quits at 4 kids, then it is what it is and if he secretly wants to be the next Nick Cannon then it is what it is he should be free to do that. That is part of why I don't know where he is on the vasectomy right now and we didn't really discuss it much when we talked, I'm focusing on discussing the bigger issue for me which is trust and safety within the relationship. The only way for him to make an informed decision about whether or not he get a vasectomy is for him to have all the information about the situation. If that makes him want a vasectomy less, then it is what it is. It's not about making him want to have a vasectomy. It's about being on the same page.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Since I have been in the US, I decided that the one area in my life I wanted to change was dating. I realized that I would have to cold approach women since I knew no one. First part was getting rid of my fear of talking to strangers and having conversations with them which I have managed to achieve. The second part was to be direct in my approach with women which I have again done time and time again. Even though some people say it takes guts to approach women and be direct, I haven't been able to reap those rewards yet. For some reason, 90% of women I have approached, they all had boyfriends, numbers that I got, I got blown off and when I did approach women in groups, they again all had boyfriends/girlfriends.
I even had a fight with my roommates regarding all the chores we were supposed to do because they think that I'm not doing enough but this thing has been bugging me so much, that I just didn't care anymore. The rejections have been on a consistent basis and only 3 dates have happened which again didn't result to anything.
It's been a tedious and a very long journey and I still don't see any hope as of now. I refuse to give up as I have put a lot of time and energy into this, and I'm determined to be successful.
Wish me luck guys and I hope all the best to you finding your partner as well.

This is kinda like a helpcry but also to rant and get some frustration out. As the title says I want to be on autopilot for a while, I feel like I am losing all my nerves, going insane and any ability to get anything done. I am a student, having my own apartment and (luckily) don't have to work at the moment because I went through chemotherapy (<2 years ago) and am getting insurance money for now. I can't keep up with anything. I can't focus/concentrate on university, even for just one subject, I can't keep my apartment clean or even remotely tidy, I can't feed myself, I struggle with going to sleep, I can't wake up and the only reason I shower twice a week is because I would be too ashamed in front of my bf or when going to university. I know that he tries his best to help me, but he has plenty of his own struggles too, I know that I would exhaust him too much in the long run, at least I can see improvement every ~6 months, but recently I am in a worse headspace again and a lot of the work and energy I worked up to is fading away again. Before my cancer diagnosis I used to (unintentionally) burrow negative feelings and memories in my mind far away, I know its not healthy and in the last two years I tried to face a lot which helped a lot in dealing with my experiences, but right now I feel like I need to lock those thoughts away, "fake it until I make it" to form some lasting habits again in helping me to at least deal with my chores and hygiene. I KNOW that I was/am able to cook everyday/every two days proper meals, to eat roughly 3 meals per day (either in meals or multiple snacks), to feel put together after waking up, to keep my apartment clean or at least tidied up, and I lost all those habits and routines during and after chemotherapy. I try to have some routine in going to university 3 times per week, not being too harsh when I skip things because I know that I am struggling a lot with the niveau, but I also know that it would feel easier if I had routines at home that helped me keep some chaos and disbalance out of my apartment, or if I at least ate everyday 2 meals. My boyfriend can't help a lot, mainly on the weekends.
This was definitely more of a rant, but my request for help still is: what are your tips to get on autopilot for some time, maybe just 2-3 weeks, to ignore stress, panic, anxiety and insanity.

The listener accidentally calls on a surprisingly polite spirit, and the listener tries to help him pass on
Monetization is okay! No major changes to the script though, if you are wondering about something in that regard please feel free to message me! Let me know if you intend to fill this script and leave me your channel so I can keep an eye out, or post the video and send me a link! Always super happy to see people's hard work! ^-^
Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Scene opens with some ambient spooky music, and the sound of a ouija board piece scratching on the board, writing something out. Some sort of sound like a phasing in or out of energy or something as the ghost appears]
Ghost: Oh- uh, hello there!
[Sound of the board and piece falling on the floor, followed by a thud]
Ghost: Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you! Are you alright? You didn’t hit your head, did you?
Listener: ….
Ghost: Huh? What do you mean who am I? You already asked if anyone was here! I said yes, and then spelled out my name for you! Remember? This just happened! Maybe you did hit your head…
Listener: ….
Ghost: Oh- well how did you think it was moving on its own then?
Listener: ….
Ghost: Magnets…? Sorry, no. There are probably some spirit boards that are fake, but this one is genuine! It was mine, a long time ago. I was hoping you’d find it eventually when you first moved in here.
Listener: ….
Ghost: Yes, this was my apartment. This was my room, in fact. I was glad you were the one to end up sleeping in here and not your roommate. You seem more in tune with the other side. By the way, love the decor! Some of it is definitely mine, I was glad you put it back up! Most people don’t decorate their rooms with the possessions of long deceased inhabitants that they found in storage boxes in the back of a walk-in closet, haha. I used to live here with my mom, I’m guessing when I died, she couldn’t stand to take some of my things with her. She was superstitious, so she never liked ‘occult’ related things. Although turns out she was right, so I guess she earned an I told you so. Too bad she left before I could get her to notice me. Most people can’t perceive me at all, and well, no one lived in this unit for a long time.
Listener: ….
Ghost: How did I die? My my, that’s an awfully forward question. To tell you the truth though, I don’t remember. The last thing I remember is watching tv in the living room, but I don’t know how much time passed between my last memory, and my death. I know for sure I died here though, I haven’t been able to leave this place. I haven’t even been able to go out into the main hall.
Listener: ….
Ghost: Ah, it’s not all bad! I can still turn the tv on, so there’s that at least! Uh- sorry, a-about your power bill… Ahem anyway, I seem to have this weird… attunement I want to say, to certain things. I don’t know how it works, electromagnetic waves maybe? I didn’t pay much attention in high school science. Or- high school in general, really.
Listener: ….
Ghost: Oh, I don’t know why I’m still here. Unfinished business, I guess? I don’t know, most spirits are angry, vengeful psychos because they got murdered or something. I don’t even know how I died, and life wasn’t all that great either, so I don’t really have anything to be angry about. I mean I miss my mom, sure, but I know my grandparents would take care of her, and she has some brothers and sisters and really great friends.
Listener: ….
Ghost: Aha, no, no girlfriends. No boyfriends, either. No friends, at least not close ones. No one to really miss me, besides my mom. I’ll admit, it does get a bit lonely from time to time.
Listener: ….
Ghost: You… want to help me? Well- that’s really sweet and all, but I don’t even know why I’m still here… where would we even start?
Listener: ….
Ghost: When did I die… I’m not totally sure. My sense of time isn’t great anymore, maybe twenty years ago or so? Things have changed so much, at least what I can see from the window. I’d say a long time.
Listener: ….
Ghost: Obituaries… that’s not a bad idea! At least gives you a place to start! Are you-... sure you want to help me with this? I feel like I’m putting you out, I only wanted to talk to you and say hello, but you’re going out of your way to do something kind for me.
Listener: ….
Ghost: Well, okay, if you’re sure then, thank you! Just one question- how long are you going to leave the creepy music playing? I’m not spooky enough to warrant that. Am I?
[Music stops abruptly]
Ghost: [The ghost laughs] You totally forgot about your mood ambience, huh? Do you like music? I did too. Not too many good ghostly radio stations these days though, haha… but anyway! I think you’ll be able to see me from now on, I sense some sort of… connection with you now through the spirit board. As long as nothing happens to it, I think you’ll be able to see and hear me from now on! I don’t think your roommate will though, so that probably works out for the best.
Listener: ….
Ghost: Thank you, so much… I actually feel kind of hopeful about not being trapped in this tiny apartment for the rest of… well, forever. I finally have a chance. That means a lot to me. I thought you might not be afraid of me, given your apparent interest in spirits, but this is even better than I could have hoped for.
Listener: ….
Ghost: I’m glad to see you’re so enthusiastic, but don’t you think you should be getting to bed? Your schedule on the fridge says you work at 7 tomorrow, and it’s past 11.
Listener: ….
Ghost: Of course! I’m dead, not blind! I can check your schedule just as easily as you can! It was nice knowing when people were going to be here and when they weren’t. I… actually paid really close attention to it. Alright, no more distractions! Get to sleep, or you’ll be totally exhausted for the first day of our investigation tomorrow!
[Listener turns off a lamp and gets into bed]
Ghost: Goodnight. And again… thank you. You’re committing more time to me than I deserve.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part 2 coming soon!