He pursued me. I acquiesced, because in all honesty I was lonely and struggling to make meaningful connections in a new city. I was in a pretty bad place mentally, but it felt good to receive attention. We also met at a film screening, so there was some common ground and a shared appreciation for film and media.
Months in, I find out...
He has a keen, particular interest in Asian film and media - particularly East Asia - Japanese, Korean, and Chinese films.
He follows Asian cooking channels (by white expats / travelers only) and tries to connect with me through his "knowledge" of Asian food and primarily only cooks Asian food. He'd also try to "bait" me by asking me to come over and that he has prepared familiar, cultural dishes that I grew up on. I thought this was innocent at first, until he would control and lecture me on how to properly prepare the food when we'd try to cook together.
He asked me to shave so I look more "smooth" and to fit his pornified, aesthetic preference. I was uncomfortable at first and bewildered by this request so early on, but I did it anyway because of shit boundaries.
He tries so hard to connect with me to "my culture" through superficial things like media and food, but when I engage with him in deeper sociopolitical issues concerning our community, seeking a more emotional response, he falls silent, weak, and invalidates my experiences as "doom scrolling." This is the most aggravating crux of some White men who have this "Asian preference" - it's the consumption of my body and culture, but ignorance of my humanity. The last part - willful ignorance - is what makes this problematic and painful for us. Yes, not all white guys, but some.
He is not the most politically informed, well-read, yet holds highly opinionated beliefs of certain Asian countries from what has been espoused by Eurocentric media. You enjoy my "culture" and "beauty," but still deem my country of ancestry as inferior, whether consciously or not.
He has an obsession over a new ultra-girly K-Pop band that consists mostly of underage girls - musical choice that is not deemed socially appropriate for his age. I completely got the ick.
He has a Chinese calligraphy tattoo on his ankle that he supposedly regrets and wants removed, but I saw him shamelessly wearing ankle socks and cargo shorts in the summer and he has had this tattoo for almost two decades now. Absolute ick.
He jokingly (but not really) called me, "arm candy" and was pretty fixated on my looks.
He likely has a history of dating and pursuing Asian women and/or non-white women in general.
After all this coming into realization, I just felt too uncomfortable and dissonant to continue. I'll never know the 100% truth, but I eventually listened to my intuition.
My shame and regret comes from staying for too long and not listening to my own values, boundaries, and feelings. I'm sure there were elements of genuine like and attraction toward me, but it doesn't discount this feeling I couldn't shake that I was pursued initially because of my "Asianness" ("East Asianness," probably his fetish of choice, ignoring the massive, diverse region that is Asia-Pacific) and projected a lot of his East Asian interests, obsessions toward me and objectifying me as his young, "arm candy" Asian girlfriend, without the responsibility or baggage that comes with interracial dating in a racist society.
Dating is hard, especially for us, and what this experience taught me is to ruthlessly cultivate self-love, healthy mental well-being, more disciplined boundaries, higher standards of dating, more initial vetting and questioning, listening to my damn intuition, and just deeply knowing yourself and holding yourself with pride and self-respect to be more than just some White male chauvinistic fantasy projection.

I am 30M and have identified and experienced life as a straight man, had relationships, sex, fooling around, crushes, etc, on women. I consider myself to be secure in my sexuality and socially progressive/an educated Queer-Ally and I work in a field dominated by queer people. Most people are surprised to find out that I identify (or do I?) as straight.
Turns out, I have a massive crush on this guy. Like, randomly-smitten-and-he-lives-rent-free-in-my-head. This is a new experience for me. I’m physically and emotionally attracted to everything about him. Like, I cannot wait to see him, talk to him, be in his presence, thought about kissing him, etc.
So, strangers of Reddit, what the hell is going on?
We’re working together and I want to keep things professional and make sure he feels safe around and not creeped out by me (as I would with anyone). He’s also professional, but very touchy and friendly and usually, when men get too touchy/flirty with me, I do NOT enjoy it and I shrink away from them, but I actually leaned into him when he initiated touch (he did not pull away). I WANT to touch him and be touched in a non-creepy way right now. First time for everything, I guess? I know he identifies as some kind of queer and he shares many of the qualities that I look fothe pattern of personality (and even physical - he's not remotely girly and definitely gorgeous) traits in the girls I’ve dated.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do about this (if anything), but I’m kinda going “what the hell?” As I go about my daily life. I’ve been denying it for a couple weeks, but I finally admitted to myself that I really like him and that I’m really happy when I’m around him. The idea of interacting with another dick is repulsive/terrifying, to me (not in an "ew that's gay" way, but in a "this piece of machinery freaks me out") and I’m uncertain if this will evolve into a more positive outlook). At the same time, I am sexually attracted to him. It's confusing and exhausting.
The idea of identifying as “a little bi” or “heteroflexible” or even biromantic/heterosexual is still totally foreign, but I'm open to it. I’m not trying to put any labels on anything yet and my number one priority is protecting him and not being a total creep towards him.
I may be thinking too far ahead, but say he likes me back — I don’t want to burden him with me figuring out how I identify, my own repression and internalized phobias (which I am working hard to identify and rid myself of regardless), and I do not want to break his heart if I lose feelings and/or wake up one morning and realize that I want to be with a woman/miss sex with women and hurt him in the process. I’m randomly smitten and deeply confused.
Why am I obsessed with how he smells and the thought of running my fingers through his hair?
This is such a weird feeling. And no, I’ve never been able to sit in chairs properly. I do enjoy The Mummy, but I've seen it like twice? Unrelated…..?

My cousin is getting married in July and having a beach destination wedding.
My aunt (cousins mom) is paying for the wedding.
Yesterday at a family gathering for Mother’s Day, my aunt says to me “no funny business at the wedding”
Confused, I asked her to elaborate. She said “none of that gay stuff. No makeup, no nail polish, no fruity outfits, no girly hairstyles… and for god sake grow some hair on your legs. You’re a man and you WILL act like one”
For reference, I’m gender fluid and gender non conforming. I have long (mid back) hair and a short well kept beard. I shave my body hair (except the beard). I don’t wear makeup everyday but I usually have my nails done and my clothing is a mix of both “masculine” and “feminine” attire.
I’m happy with myself and the way I present myself and have been for many years. This is nothing new, and I’ve never been given grief over it before by any family or friends, including her.
And, for what it’s worth, the outfit I have picked out for the wedding (which she already saw) is a tux for the ceremony and male dressy beach clothes for the after party.
Offended, I, “first off, this is not YOUR wedding, second, if this is such a big deal, why was I even invited??”
She said “I just don’t want to be embarrassed and have the photos ruined”
To which I said, “well I won’t ruin anything because I’m not going”
She got mad and said I had to because the seating and catering is already set and if I don’t go it will mess it up.
I’ve already cancelled my flight and explained in private to my cousin why I don’t want to attend anymore and she was very understanding.
TL;DR: AITA for backing out of my cousins wedding after being told that being my authentic self would too embarrassing for her mom to handle??

Hello, I realise that there are a billion threads like these where the poster is very clearly suffering from gender dysphoria and isn’t self-aware but I really doubt it’s my case .
There’s two main things that make me confused. One is this famous thread by NightlingBug https://twitter.com/NightlingBug/status/1215716433210105856 on which I heavily feel almost all of the mentioned things , I suffer from a lot of issues with depression , self image , self grooming with clothes and looks , not being “normal” , immense social anxiety and hyper awareness and while I consider myself very liberal and accepting of all non cis people there’s still some stuff that irks me. The most damning thing in the thread besides the artistic part and how I don’t care to persue any of of my more non artistic passions that I loved , is the writing a female part thing and coming off as disingenuous. I found myself the other day while exploring how the characters progression of one of the female characters in my works would go feeling really excited for her. It was about embracing her sexuality and finally liberating herself from feeling shame and feeling like a sexy woman . Right after that I was doing research for a completely different character I wanted to write that was trans ( huge coincidence but I swear it’s not a cope ) so I could better understand the emotions and dysphoria and I was reading this thread about a person being confused and the commenter suggesting to try to see if they would enjoy imagine themselves as a female with female attributes. I remembered what had happened before when I was imagining and getting into the scenario of my previous character and I tried it myself for shits and giggles . It was both kinda easy to relax and imagine what it would feel like if it was me but there was no sexual excitement or really much of a deep personification with what I was doing but the excitement did send me into a slight panic and worry .
The second thing that puzzles me is maybe my love for hyper femenine things and women might be myself trying to come out. Even my family teases me about liking girly stuff even though most of my interests are traditionally masculine ; I’m into cars , fighter jets , buxom women , working out , extreme metal and generally really like the masculine image , even my sisters comment that I always have an extremely male gaze on things. But I’m also absolutely enamoured by girly stuff , I love flowers , i love sweet smells , I love women acting hyper feminine and kind , it’s hard to describe but anything associated with femininity leaves me in awe . While my brain is constantly telling me that I want all of these things in a woman I can love and not myself , I’m wondering if me being constantly this excited by it and thinking of it is maybe myself wanting it so much as my own or if it’s just to be treated gently like I treat others since I have huge self esteem issues .
I’ve read that a lot of people try to brush off their dysmorphia because they think it will go away so I tried to do the opposite. I read about the test where you look yourself in a mirror naked and see if you enjoy imagining yourself turning into a woman . At first I didn’t try to force it but even when I really tried it did nothing , if anything I was admiring my masculinity and muscles though I’m a bit grossed out about my body hair even if it’s not a lot compared to most men . I even tried to hide my penis and leave only my Pubic hair to make it look like a vagina and it didn’t really do anything except make me slightly excited (not sexually ) that I was looking at a “vagina” but completely not related to the excitement of it being mine or anything and I couldn’t identify with having a vagina .
I have some issues where I love my identity as a man but feel guilty about stuff like sex and aggression and I try focus on romance and benevolence so it might just be a hormonal and psychological thing .
I know that this is a deeply personal issue that only I can solve but if anyone here can give any input based on their experiences I would really appreciate it ( please no hate , I don’t have any bad intent with this post and I realise that the formatting and writing of this post is really dog shit but I’m very sleep deprived right now )

TL;DR I'm hoping to find a game with similar mechanics to Fallout 4, but without such a grusome setting. So open world, crafting, settlement building, character development. That kinda stuff minus the graphic post apocalyptic stuff. Not necessarily totally cutesie, just a bit less intense. Not too fussed about if it has combat or not.
This is maybe a weird thing to ask for. But I'm not usually a post apocalypse or gruesome shooter type gamer. Most of the games I enjoy are things like breath of the wild, animal crossing, stardew valley, planet zoo etc. Fairly cute or non-graphic games. Some fighting some exploring or building. Not too difficult or stressful. Pretty "girly" games I guess.
But for some reason fallout 4 really hooked me. I absolutely loved it, especially the exploration and (it appears somewhat controversially) settlement building. I sunk hours and hours into that game and really got deeply into it in a way I don't think I really have with many other games.
I'm feeling a fallout 4 shaped hole in my heart right now but I'm not sure I'd be able to get back into it now. I think a lot of what drew me in was the novelty of it (to me) and I'm not sure if it would still be fresh enough for me to enjoy it through all the exploding heads and supermutants.
So yeah kinda weird request maybe... Are there any games like Fallout 4 as far as game mechanics go, but without the gruesome stuff? And ideally without needing to kill actual animals/ innocent creatures. I can't bring myself to kill a bramin let alone a rabbit or a deer. I feel guilty enough accidentally catching a fish in Zelda 😂
I'm really not the right type of person for a game like Fallout. I have no idea how this happened. I don't think I'm the type of people these games are catering to so I'm not sure if there's anything at all like what I'm after out there. Thank you for any suggestions.

I really need some help. I am hoping this community can help a loving parent do the right thing. This is going to be long, sorry.
(For the sake of it just being said right up front, we are an open-minded family--even the extended family, and supportive of anyone's life choices.
Our family is diverse in as many ways as you can imagine.)I have a kid, AFAB, 14 years old, called S. They've had significant issues with depression and anxiety since about 8-9 years old. They have a therapist they've developed a great, trusting relationship with (really big deal, since trust does not come easily for S), as well as a psychiatrist (very low trust there, but they've come to see that as a pretty transactional relationship). They're on antidepressants and finding the right med/dosage is still a work in progress.
All this, while also going through what is arguably the most tumultuous time in a kid's life, what with hormones, social issues, school, etc.S has so, so, so much self-loathing. It's incredibly painful to watch someone you love with every ounce of your being HATE themselves so much. I just wish S could see themselves the way I do, even just a little bit. I get teared up just writing this.
So....anyway, here we are. Over the last few years, S has been trying to find themselves. Their anxiety has always made socialization hard and so their isolation made having a strong sense of self and identity a little unclear. But since moving and switching schools, they've found their tribe of friends and grown so much in that area. Their bestie is non-binary. This is important. Changed their name, keeps their hair short, etc. They're a really good kid and their parents are awesome. I'm grateful S has a good friend in their life.
But identity still seems to be very out of reach for S. They try on personalities like hats.
They've declared themselves gay, taken it back. Bisexual, not taken it back but also expressed disinterest in girls. Pan, though when asked didn't really even understand what that meant.
We've had long conversations about being true to yourself, that simply declaring yourself something isn't the same as being, about allyship and belonging, etc. Basically, that I love and accept them for whomever they are (love who you love, as long as they're nice to you!), and that you should never let anyone else tell you who you are, but you can't simply CHOOSE to be something, it doesn't work that way. That it is natural and ok, but it's got to be YOUR TRUTH.
A few months back (maybe 6?), I'm asked to join S in their therapy session (I am very respectful that those sessions are for their benefit and don't intrude, ask questions, etc unless both S and the therapist pull me in). S mumbles something about wanting to present as more masculine.
Ok. I gently probe a bit more to understand what they mean, because this kid not 1 month before swooned over a black taffeta dress and insisted on wearing heels to a party. But I couldn't get more answers and didn't want to pressure them.
I've been giving S time and space, and over these months they have cut their hair short, they refer to themselves by a different name (even have all the teachers at school using that name, which, wow, have to give it to that school for their support!!), sign texts as "your favorite son," and the like.
I use their name of choice. I use their pronoun of choice. I no longer refer to them as my daughter or a girl, or anything.
But. Here's where I am very confused as to what to do....This is a kid that presented NO indication up to this point that they didn't feel they were a girl. Never. Not once. ZERO fluidity in that area.
My kid? Always been what you'd call girly. Never pressured into it, I'm not uber feminine myself as a mom. I basically give a whole lot of free reign around style and activities, and this kid embraced dresses, skirts, makeup, jewelry, more than I ever did! I never said a word one way or another, just supported their fashion choices even when those choices were weird. Each to their own, you know? They LOVED playing with dolls - both baby and Barbie types, and didn't get rid of them until around 11.
We're talking about a kid that until WEEKS ago, was still choosing feminine clothing when we'd go shopping. (And again, I didn't pressure one way or another. They're a teen - the last thing I would ever dare to do is suggest clothing to a teen! Ew, mom.) STILL gravitates towards the makeup section at department stores and wore makeup to an event 3 days ago. Likes perfume, jewelry, still didn't throw away their heels during the last major clean up (which resulted in 5 garbage bags of clothes tossed).
I'm not saying any of that is not ok for boys!
We have more than one member of our family who is gender fluid/trans. Not distant-- close family. Since birth, these family members have always, always been very true to themselves in their presentation. So maybe my expectations are skewed. Love and acceptance don't automatically erase ignorance.
What I'm getting at is, I don't believe this kid really honestly truly feels they are male inside. Gender fluid? Maybe. For good? I don't know. I was the same at that age, I remember it very clearly. But aside from fashion choices and pronouns, there hasn't been any other changes with them.
Most importantly, they don't seem any happier. In reality, they're more miserable right now than they've ever been.
THIS IS THE KEY POINT. In my heart, I feel like this is less them embracing their true self, and more running from a person they hate. I fear supporting them in this is actually supporting their self-hatred.
Did I mention that their nonbinary bestie has a certain color hair, and my kid now wants to dye their hair the same color? What if this is all some identity crisis, Single White Female thing, and they are not actually truly trans?
What do I do? I am afraid any support is also in a way letting them embrace their self-hatred. But this is my kid! I love them more than anything in this world, how can I not support them? I
feel like I'm losing them before my very eyes and I don't know what to do.
Please - Tell me if I'm wrong? Tell me this might be a typical trans experience that I'm just not familiar with? That it will be ok to accept them as my son and it won't cause more harm? I'm so afraid of making the wrong choice here and losing them down a rabbit hole of self-loathing and confusion. They're still so freaking young! They look to me for guidance so much more than usual for teens and I really don't know what to do or say.
Thank you.

hi!
who to invite to a hen do/bachelorate party? how do to a hen do ?
hi! I’m f23 and recently engaged m23.
I have no idea who to invite or how to do a hen do.
My sister is a party animal and very girly and would be great planning a hen - we are very close - but other than inviting her I have no idea what to do or what a hen is meant to involve.
we were planning on having a small non traditional wedding.
I am bisexual and grew up dating only women. Most of my friends growing up were men or lesbians.
I’m really stuck about what to do for a hen do. My partner is having a big traditional stag. A lot of my closest friends are going to be invited to his stag and he has asked me to not also invite them to my hen because it’ll change the dynamic. We met through the same friendship group so his best friends are also my best friends.
I said I would invite my friends from college but he said that comes across as a bit sad because we haven’t been to school together since we were 18 and we are not close since being adults.
I’m not a girl that grew up fantasising about weddings and a hen so I have no idea what I would even want. I don’t have a lot of female friends and the ones I do have have no social connections between then so idk how the dynamic would work.
Help lmao? can I invite men ? What stuff are we meant to do at a hen?

hi!
who to invite to a hen do/bachelorate party? how do to a hen do ?
hi! I’m f23 and recently engaged m23.
I have no idea who to invite or how to do a hen do.
My sister is a party animal and very girly and would be great planning a hen - we are very close - but other than inviting her I have no idea what to do or what a hen is meant to involve.
we were planning on having a small non traditional wedding.
I am bisexual and grew up dating only women. Most of my friends growing up were men or lesbians.
I’m really stuck about what to do for a hen do. My partner is having a big traditional stag. A lot of my closest friends are going to be invited to his stag and he has asked me to not also invite them to my hen because it’ll change the dynamic. We met through the same friendship group so his best friends are also my best friends.
I said I would invite my friends from college but he said that comes across as a bit sad because we haven’t been to school together since we were 18 and we are not close since being adults.
I’m not a girl that grew up fantasising about weddings and a hen so I have no idea what I would even want. I don’t have a lot of female friends and the ones I do have have no social connections between then so idk how the dynamic would work.
Help lmao? can I invite men ? What stuff are we meant to do at a hen?

Hi! First pregnancy, almost 20 weeks. I’m a petite gal at only 5ft tall and as time continues, my boobs will not stop growing. I was already a 32D pre-pregnancy, and now I’m convinced I’m 10000x larger. Any other non-existent torso girlies feel like they are just walking boobs?! Is my husband happy? Yes. Do they look great? Yes. Are they in the way constantly and I’m self conscious?! YEEEEES! Okay, rant over just needed someone else to join me in my boob queendom for one second. Yall are the breast. 🩷

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• Natural Clouds
  
• Realistic Clouds - Immersive Edition
  

INTERIOR LIGHTING

• Skyrim is Luminous

INTERIOR LAYOUTS & DECORATION

• Spaghetti's Palaces AiO
  
• Spaghetti Faction Halls AiO
  

OBJECTS ADDED TO STATIC LOCATIONS

• Adventurer's Sketchbook
  
• Mirage - Summoned Mount
  
• Auto Harvest Ring
  

MESHES & TEXTURES VISUAL EFFECTS
N/A
NPC FOLLOWER MECHANICS
N/A
COMBAT MOVEMENT, RESOURCES, ENEMY AI, ETC
N/A
ENCOUNTER EDITS & ENEMY LEVELLED LISTS

• Ancient Nord Shield
  
• Steel Soldier Shield
  
• Pirate's Life for Me
  
• Bonemold and Chitin Weapons
  
• Guards Armor Replacement
  
• Thieves Guild Armor Enchantments AE
  
• Falmer Equip Armor
  
• All Armor Lootable and Wearable
  
• Left Hand Rings Complete
  
• Cloaks of Skyrim
  
• Face Masks of Skyrim
  

ENEMIES SPECIFIC VARIANTS, STATS
N/A
NEW FOLLOWERS, NPCs, & SPAWNS
N/A
NEW QUESTS & LANDS
N/A
MESHES & TEXTURES ANIMALS & CREATURES

• Immersive Dragons Resized SSE

BODY MESHES & SKIN TEXTURES

• Males With Tempered Skins Body
  
• SL01
  
• Master Skin Fix
  

CHARACTER CREATION ASSISTS & OPTIONS
N/A
NPC FACES REPLACERS

• R246 Presets
  
• Sorsia's Selections
  
• Aratamiste Hair Pack
  

RACIAL ABILITIES & STARTING STATS

• Sos Ahst Mulasg
  
• Reconciliation QoL - Sos Ahst Mulasg patch
  

WEREWOLF & VAMPIRE PLAYER MECHANICS
N/A
BODY SKELETON
N/A
ANIMATIONS, BEHAVIORS, & KILL MOVES

• Girly Animation

WEAPON, ARMOR REPLACERS
N/A
UNIQUE ITEM EDITS & POTION EFFECTS
N/A
BOTTOM OF LO

• Skyrim Particle Overhaul

NON-TREE LOD
N/A
NON GRASS & TREES LOD
N/A
MAP MODS

• A Clear Map of Skyrim

ALTERNATE STARTS

• Alternate Start Live Another Life
  
• New Beginnings
  
• Random Alternate Start Reloaded
  

WATER MODS

• Some High Quality H20

CONTROLS, HOTKEYS, AIMING
N/A
ABSOLUTE BOTTOM

• SkyHide - Don't Show Headgears
  
• Less Grass 120
  
• Dragons From the Start
  
• Shouting Provokes Dragons
  
• Radiance - Radiant Quests
  
• Protect your People
  
• Run For Your Lives
  
• Buffed Enchanting
  
• AFT AE
  
• Just Checking
  

I just need to get this of my chest. I made a similar post before months ago where I told my story of how I became Atiny but this post is mostly about Matz why both Seonghwa and Hongjoong made me find myself.
For context: - I was born August 2007 meaning I'll turn 17 this year - I'm afab - Seonghwa has been my ult bias since I started being Atiny, I'm Matz biased since start of this year
Now to the story: When I was little I always hated the concept of boy colors (blue, green, etc.) and girl colors (pink, purple, etc.). But I played into it and only wore pink because I was a girl and I had to. At least that's what I thought myself (my family did never tell me such stuff, they could care less about gender norms LMAO). It wasn't until I was 8 I got into my "I hate dresses and pink cause it's girly" phase.
And I can say since then I have never really worn dresses unless for special occasions. As I get older I realize that I don't hate pink or glitter, it's an alright thing I just don't like it on ME. It took me until today why cause I literally figured this out at 4am as I'm typing.
So I become Atiny and take a break for mental reasons bla bla bla. I think I'm non-binary.
I get back into Ateez and I get hit with "clothes are genderless" edits from Matz. I get Seonghwa in a dress and... omg... I can't describe it. In my last post a few months ago I told like that I had the confidence to dress how I wanted for the first time cause Seonghwa was pulling of a dress. Yeah... That expanded.
I wore more dresses in the last 2 months than I did the LAST 8 YEARS COMBINED. And I can confidently say that it's because Matz have been screaming at me that clothes are genderless. I can finally look in a mirror, look at my hip long hair and my feminine body while wearing a dress and say "I'm non-binary. No matter how feminine I look."
I can't really explain it but the way Matz comforts me just by wearing what they want is unreal. The way I can confidently say that pink is pretty and that I love glitter (I know it's stupid). The way Matz gave me the confidence to see myself as non-binary and gave me the confidence to tell my friends I would rather be called Kali.
And if everything goes well I'll get a non-binary flag and come out to my school (and by extension my family if they see the flag) this june! It's scary but I'll make it with the Ateez comeback near!
My new Motto is "that if Matz looks good wearing dresses, skirts, heels and corsets, I should too 😤" My recent dilemma is that I can't find skirts but I want skirts cause leg freedom but I wanna hide my chest behind a baggy T-shirt...
Anyways! Matz have been my comfort for the last month and hopefully will continue to be! I just wanted to get this out before I drown in the realisation of why I had a "pink is the worst color in universe" phase and why Matz made me like pink again. (This sounds to random out of context LMAO)
Also sorry for any misspellings and stuff. Like I said I'm writing this stuff at 4:40am in the morning, as I'm sleepy and hungry since I didn't really eat anything yesterday. I will be going to bed now and dream of getting adopted my Matz :3

Growing up I was always one of the boys and all of my friends were guys. I always ached because I knew I wasn’t “really” one of the guys. When we grew up my friends started developing crushes on me and what had once been a safe place no longer was. I started getting breasts really early on. I was eight or so and was fully developed within a few years. My double d’s have been the source of nonconsensual groping, sexualization and I’ve been objectified by men since age eight. I also noticed how people who were AFAB were treated as less intelligent and strong in school and I definitely didn’t want to be seen as that. I’d go back and forth between being very girly and very much not girly and identified more with guys. I was proud of it actually. Girl seemed to mean weak and icky and unintelligent. As a teenager I started noticing I liked women but more as if I was a guy and liking men but more as a woman. I was worried maybe I was actualky a trans man (nothin wrong with that I just wondered if my whole existence I’d been faking and pretending) but that didn’t quite seek right. I had a gender crisis but much like my bi crisis, I tabled that for years. I am bi, by the way. It’s been six years and I’ve been wearing more androgynous stuff and growing my body hair out. I never understood what gender euphoria was before I grew hair under my arms. I’ve started embracing more feminine stuff as an adult or things I associated with that (the color pink? SO pretty!). But whenever I wear girly stuff these days I definitely don’t feel super comfortable. I’m very aware of my breasts and hips and getting ogled. I think a large reason why as a teen I did get super girly was I wanted attention and didn’t know healthier ways to get it. I don’t quite know what I am maybe a demigirl or non-binary but I definitely don’t think I’m just a girl but idk maybe I am I just like more traditionally masculine stuff. Idk what to think. I just want to be seen as me. I have bound my chest a few times and feel really happy when I do. But some days I love my boobs. I don’t want to be perceived as either a boy or a girl. Just me. Idk! Idk! Idk!! Also of course someone who is a woman can have body hair and still be a woman! So I’m like. What the heck am I and what do I do and what do I think? I think a binary is so dumb but for so long my gender felt affirming but sometimes I feel like I’m eavesdropping when I’m around women. Idk!!! Idk!!

🪞 “It's much easier to get in that it is to get out,” Emilie Autumn used to say. Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4.1 - Part 4.2
She was not wrong. Welcome back to the Asylum write-up!
In this installment, we're finally getting down to the nitty-gritty of the enmity between EA and her fans.
It's time for war. It's time for blood. It's time... for tea. 🎵

THE PRESENT DAY: “ASK ME ANYTHING (WELL, NOT QUITE)”

​

"Ask me anything" titles are catchy, and that’s why I’m using one. But, obviously, don’t ask me anything, by which I mean that, if you think I wouldn’t answer it, you’re probably right. Ask me something really good. I’d love to answer you. I’d love to have comments on these posts, in fact, so that I could answer questions there regularly and ask you things as well, but insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, or so Einstein is supposed to have said, and attempting to create yet another interactive online venue after every previous attempt has ended in heartbreak—forums, facebook groups, social media accounts—it would indeed be insanity to think that this time would be any different. So there are no comments. This too is heartbreaking in the sense that, and you may not realize this, but I desperately want to connect more completely with you—to be able to intelligently converse and share and exchange. We can do that in person, of course, because the wrong people never show up in person. Isn’t that funny… So, perhaps we’ll have to arrange that;). I’ll start you off with an example question I’d want to know if I were you (I can almost guarantee that you do not want to know this). Q. Hey EA, how do you keep your wireless bodypack transmitter secure when you are leaping about in skimpy costumes and doing frequent costume changes? Also, dye your roots. A. Fantastic question, EA, and I just dyed my roots thank you very much. ... (Deleted blog post followed by a year of radio silence, 2022 📝)

Sooo. For the past five-ish years, the vibe in the Asylum has been that of a protracted Christmas dinner where everyone is tensely moving their food around in their plate, bracing themselves for whatever will trigger the screaming match. Wondering what it's going to be this time. Weary old-timers make small talk about the food because no other topic feels safe. Every glance, every forced smile, is fraught with eons-old grudges and unspoken regrets; every nervous pleasantry sounds like a thinly-veiled accusation. Aunt Emilie always insists on hosting, but not-so-secretly hates having people over. Sooner or later, she finds a way to get all of these assholes out of her house. Most of the adult children are daydreaming about going no-contact.
Everyone ready for some dysfunctional family history?
CW for discussion of bullying, online harassment, mental illness stigma.

YE OLDEN DAYS: CUCKOOS OF A FEATHER NEST TOGETHER

In the beginning, it was beautiful.
EA had the excellent instinct to start banking on her online presence📝 long before MySpace was even a thing. She had a website, several online stores, an active LiveJournal and a ProBoards forum right from the turn of the millennium.
In 2004, she attached an official forum to her website; the earliest archive shows 74 registered users. By the time Opheliac came out in 2006, that number had grown tenfold. And it was, by most accounts, a pretty dope place to be! (I should specify that this write-up focuses on the anglophone side of the fandom: there were also thriving fan-run communities in at least German, French, and Spanish. Because EA doesn't speak any of those languages, the lucky bastards were mostly left alone.)
Forum users enjoyed interacting with some of EA's closest IRL friends and associates – and with the mistress of the house herself (user flair: PsychoFiddler), when she occasionally responded to comments under her own posts. But that wasn't even the main appeal for many. For a long time, on top of all EA-related topics, the official forum had very active “Off-Topic” subforums, with lively and friendly conversation on a variety of subjects. (There was even a “Filthy Libertines (18+)” sub for a while, which was closed due to preemptive concerns about minors.) Swear words (not slurs) were allowed and encouraged, and moderation was overall pretty loose beyond basic enforcement of civility. There was a lot of mutual support, creativity, and solid banter going around.

It wasn't just about Emilie on the forums. People could chat about almost anything with near free reign, making connections and lifelong friends. ... This community mattered SO MUCH to people. They felt included, accepted, and understood within the walls of the Asylum. People invested their time and creative energy into keeping the forums a vibrant, active community, and made sure that carried over into the real world. ... I've never seen anything like it in a fan space. I doubt I ever will again. (@Asylum_Oracle - “Fandom History” Instagram highlight 🔍📝, which contains most of the sources for this segment.)

And it did, indeed, carry over into the real world. There were numerous meet-ups – a few organized by EA, many more spontaneous. People who didn't know any other EA fans in real life, or were just excited to add new Plague Rats to their friend group, would regularly connect with other forum users from their area to meet up and hang out before EA shows. “Who else is dressing up??”
In 2008, for instance, EA held an afternoon meet-up at Lincoln Park in Chicago. 📺 The event was free to attend; it featured live acoustic music and a reading from EA's upcoming book, the intriguingly-titled Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls.
On the appointed day, EA rolled up in a fabulously tousled red wig, bedazzled white corset and steampunk-altered wedding dress. She had brought friends alongs. Sporting blue hair and a pink bustle and corset was her Chicago bestie, the main forum admin. Rocking a guitar and a top hat was EA's sound engineer, the soft-spoken wizard behind the Victoriandustrial sound, who was also a forum mod. The photographer from the original Opheliac cover art was there as well; he was formally introduced by EA and got his own round of applause.

People who would never normally be involved in an artist's fanbase were in EA's world. And not only were they known – they were respected and incredibly active with the fanbase. These people who managed an online message board were willing to engage in real-world meet-ups (with no security??) because of how tight-knit the community they had built was. People turned out to this event. People traveled to go to this event. It was a short reading of a book that hadn't been released yet, and wouldn't be for some time. Why? Because not only was it a chance to meet Emilie and listen to parts of the new book, but it was also a chance to hang out with their friends from the Asylum. ... The fandom really was a family for a lot of people. (@Asylum_Oracle)

“SERIOUSLY, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.”

It all started with The End.
The End Records, that is! Quick refresher: in 2009, after three years or so with Trisol, EA split from the label over allegations that the owner was embezzling money from ticket sales. A few months later, she signed with The End Records. Understandably, EA still wanted to sell the album that had made her famous, and to which she had smartly retained the rights – which meant a brand new, “Deluxe” release of Opheliac. (Remember, from part 3? The one you could pre-order as a bundle with the book? Some projects are just cursed, I guess.)
At that point, Opheliac had been released three times already, as recently as the year before, with only slight variations in format and tracklist. (Yes, that is a theme in this story.) The End Records version would feature new cover art and a handful of new tracks, but overall, it was... you know... the same album.
(The following paragraphs are largely sourced from this excellent recap 🔍📝, which also provides potato screenshots for all quotes.)
One fateful day of August 2009, a user started a thread entitled “Opheliac US edition deluxe re-release??” in the “EA News” subforum. In the thread, some people were kind of balking at the re-do, pondering whether to buy the “new” Opheliac or sit this one out. Some expressed that after three years, they were jonesing for a new album. Others shared what B-sides or dream covers they would have liked to see included on the bonus disc. Just... fans being fans, in a fan discussion space.
And then EA jumped out from behind the curtains.

Fan: Okay. Before I start, I just want you to know that I think it's very good that EA is getting more popularity, and that she can release lots of albums, but - are 5 editions of the same album really needed? You may say now “ah, it's not the same, it has 2 bonus tracks” or whatever, but I mean: it's not new material. Now don't get me wrong. I'm happy for it, maybe I'll even buy it, but I'm just wondering if she shouldn't keep herself busy with other (maybe more important) stuff? * hides * EA: Nobody's forcing you to buy it. Thanks.

Record scratch.

Fan 1: is this Opheliac release version number 4? lol If she's recording NEW tracks, then surely they deserve to be sold by themselves, otherwise people are going to have to buy an album that they may have already bought twice (like me!). But... alas, I am a fool and adore everything this woman does... im buying it lol Fan 2: exactly – if it was just reissuing the last version of Opheliac to tap into new markets that would be fine (...) but if they start adding extra bits of material to albums people already have then the true muffins are going to feel obliged to buy new copies (...) EA: How exactly are you obliged to buy anything? Nobody is forcing you to spend a fucking penny, my dears. I suppose it would make more sense to you to simply not have my records available any more as the old label I just escaped from will no longer be distributing them? Forgive me for adding extra tracks. No obligation necessary.

...Okay, so I'm pretty sure that we can see both sides of the argument here. Fans are annoyed at the idea of spending money on barely-anything-new, because they love EA and buy every single CD she releases. EA is exasperated by fans acting like she's twisting their arm and somehow resenting the inclusion of new material, when she was just ensuring that her album would remain available for purchase and trying to keep things interesting.
But maybe we can also agree that those replies should have been screamed into a pillow rather than typed out on a keyboard.
EA was getting increasingly (and, I'll just say it: disproportionately) sarcastic and defensive in her replies. Enter poor FantineDormouse.
FantineDormouse meant well, I think. Maybe she thought, she's spiraling. Maybe she thought, friends don't let friends go down that road. Granted, FantineDormouse probably should have known better than to phrase it the way she did. Or to assume that EA perceived her as a friend.
Either way, at some point, FantineDormouse jumped in and posted the comment that finally made EA lose it. THE comment which, overnight, ended the honeymoon period of the Asylum, triggering a doomsday domino effect from which the fandom would never truly recover. Are you comfortably seated?

FantineDormouse: Uhm, Emilie, love, I don't mean to sound rude or anything... but maybe you should have a cup of tea and relax a little.

...
* sound of archduke getting shot *

EA: Excuse me? You can throw this onslaught of absolute cruel bullshit at me and those I work with in my own space that I own, and I can't say anything back? How fucking patronizing. Relax? Are you fucking kidding me? Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? FD: I'm not trying to piss you off even more, Emilie. And trust me, I have to deal with it myself, and as much as I would really love to punch the cunts I have to deal with in the face, I don't. You're pissed off, I get it. You're bipolar, which makes it 10x worse, I get that. I'm just not the person to stand around and do nothing when a fight where I'm pretty sure there will be a lot of regret is going on.

Famous last words. Literally! Immediately after EA delivered her irate closing statement – which includes one of my all-time favorite EA zingers, bolded...

EA: I cannot believe this... You just don't stop, do you? So just because I've shared the personal information with you all that I happen to be bipolar, I can't get pissed off at all of you being perfectly awful in the very space that I pay fuckloads a month to have up (has it ever occurred to you all that I pay dearly for this space you play around in?) Why not just tell me that I must be upset because it's my time of the month? Seriously, get the fuck out of my house. You are unbelievable, and your level of patronization is almost criminal. Don't make me write another book. With muffins like you, who needs enemies? Nothing I say or feel is legitimate, not ever ever ever because I'm bipolar... discredited before I begin... unbelievable...

...FantineDormouse got permabanned.
Jaws dropped. After days of infighting between white knights, detractors, and crossfire negotiators, several mod resignations, and general mayhem surrounding the ban, EA made a post entitled “In Which: I Invite You to Make a Fucking Choice.” 📝 For brevity's sake (cue laugh track), I can't reproduce it in all of its righteous splendor, but it's quite a read. It runs the gamut from fair and articulate points about how mental illness shouldn't be used to discredit someone's legitimate anger... to histrionic commands that “deserters to the cause” should “turn in their weapons” if they can't handle her way of doing things.

To those of you who appear not to understand why said posts, most especially those of the banned party, were offensive to me, I give you the option to either educate yourselves on your own time and in your own space (because please never forget that this is my space that I share with all of you at my own expense, and in which I generally give you all the freedom I would wish for myself), or to resign your posts in the Asylum Army – this is not the place for you, and I humbly suggest that you turn your attention and support towards other artists of a more placid, non-controversial, and less opinionated nature; there are more than enough of them out there, and I’m sure they all have forums of their own.

Some fans did leave. Most stuck around, whiplashed. Soon, the storm quieted down, and business as usual resumed on the forum. But something had been damaged beyond repair. The FantineDormouse fiasco had erected walls and drawn lines in the sand, both around EA and among her fans; its sad specter would haunt every Asylum crisis that spiked up forever after. “Fucking Patronizing Fucking” or “FPF” 🔍 became memetic shorthand in the fandom for overreaction and self-righteousness. 🐀
...And now you understand why, in the following years, some fans were so delicate and diplomatic in voicing their very legitimate complaints about messed-up orders, unsigned books, and puzzling lies... while unofficial platforms like Tumblr flourished with pent-up resentment and snark. 🦠

A NOTE ON HARASSMENT: “MAD GIRL, CAN YOU BELIEVE WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO YOU?”

Wouldn't they stop When you asked them to leave you alone? (“Mad Girl”, 2008 🎵)

Now, let's be clear, because it should not be minimized: EA has also been the target of genuine online harassment. Based on the simple fact that she is a woman with a public presence on the internet, I have zero doubt that EA has received (and perhaps continues to receive) more than her share of truly vile, bigoted, creepy and threatening messages – and, knowing what I know about the darker recesses of the Asylum, a terrifying amount of emotional blackmail and obsessive projection from people who hold her to punitively high standards. I'm also inclined to believe that it started way before she ever did anything that warranted any backlash. And that fucking sucks. It's repulsive and inexcusable, and the people who harass her should crawl into a hole and live among the worms.
Notwithstanding. In my decade-plus of following EA drama, the public comments on EA's own platforms (where people knew she was likely to be reading) have been, for the most part... civil and nuanced, and relatively mindful of the human? Even very confrontational comments (some clearly written from a place of anger and desire to shame) rarely resorted to outright name-calling or cruelty. When abusive or bigoted language did crop up, it was often promptly shut down by other fans as gross and uncalled for. In short: I have, with mine own two eyes, in real time, read some of the comment sections that EA described as cesspools of blind rage and odious attacks, and... I just couldn't see it.
If anything, for a long time, a lot of the angry comments directed at EA during any given controversy read more like break-up letters to an ex-best friend: harsh, curt and targeted in a way that cuts deep.... but also kind of screams how much love you still have for this person, against your better judgement.
Not that it wouldn't mess a person up to get hundred of those in a matter of hours, even if they don't individually qualify as “abusive”.
It's worth noting that prior to becoming semi-famous and regretting it, EA was also (by her own account and among other forms of abuse) a victim of intense childhood bullying. It feels like the two situations are closely connected in her mind when her focus seamlessly transitions from one to the other. 📺 I don't think that tremor in her voice is put on.
Based on her writings, I get the feeling that over the years, EA has developed a very black-and-white view of two monolithic groups of people. There's (an idealized vision of) her “real audience”, well-dressed, well-read, kind-hearted, and Asylum-savvy, who she fully trusts to “get it” – and buy it, and love it, unquestioningly, whatever “it” may be at any given time – because that is the true measure of love and loyalty. These are the people she makes art and merch for, the people she writes heart-emoji-filled newsletters to, and desperately longs to see in person again.
And then there's the lynch mob, those who really don't “get it”: the trolls, the faceless creeps, the basement-dwelling mouthbreathers, the ones who stalk her every move obsessively, waiting for any chance to spam her with vicious abuse and slander and obscenities. The latter only exist online (they are manifested into arbitrary existence by the internet itself, not by anything EA said or did), and there is zero overlap between the two sets of people. That seems to be the official narrative.

The "public eye" isn't an [enviable] place to be, and the closer I've come to it, the more horrified I've been. Because, for starters, who is "the public?" Is "the public" my audience? Hell no. My audience is special. They are not the general public. If they were the general public I would be a lot wealthier. The "public eye" means getting stalked, harassed, viscously judged, and put in danger. If I do things in the future that gain notoriety, I will do them in spite of fame, not because of it. I am out for world domination, but not fame. (Interview for The Moaning Times, 2014 📝)

In real life (well, mostly online, but I mean: on this shared plane of existence), things play out slightly differently. The Venn diagram of “true blue fans” and “people who criticize EA" and "people who know way too much about EA” is a circle. The call is 100% coming from inside the Asylum, and I think EA rationally knows that. But here's the thing: no matter how many shows and meet-and-greets you've dressed up for, how many loving and supportive comments you've left, or how many family heirlooms you once pawned to purchase a copy of the not-for-sale 2003 DJ pressing of Enchant... the instant EA feels attacked, everyone is a saboteur and a bully until proven otherwise, and suspected treason is dealt with on the spot. One strike, you're out. Unfortunately for everyone involved, her threshold for bullying seems to be “any remotely thoughtless opinion from any stranger on the internet”.
It makes for outstanding human-interest entertainment... but it also sounds an awful lot like the unhealthy patterns of a person suffering from all sorts of PTSD. 🔍 So, please bear that in mind as you read through this write-up. It's easy to make EA out to be the sole villain, a paranoid and delusional drama queen, based on her extreme reactions to things that often “weren't that bad”. Anything can, in fact, be “that bad” when you're thrown back into the very worst moments of your existence every time your brain decides that the situation is even remotely similar.
PTSD takes over your rational mind and actively distorts your perception of reality. That can be how a person ends up impulse-reacting to “a few people expressing an unfavorable opinion” as if the entire internet had just ganged up on them with knives. Which makes their audience feel unjustly accused, which makes them hostile, which gives the person actual good reason to feel attacked... and so the cycle of hurt continues.

You know the games I play And the words I say When I want my own way You know the lies I tell When you've gone through hell And I say I can't stay You know how hard it can be To keep believing in me When everything and everyone Becomes my enemy, and when There's nothing more you can do I'm gonna blame it on you – It's not the way I wanna be I only hope that in the end You will see: It's the Opheliac in me... (“Opheliac”, 2006 🎵)

And YES, it is extremely regrettable to have this as a trigger, when you're a public figure and you're bound to receive more negative feedback than the average citizen. “It's what she signed up for”, “it comes with the territory” and all that jazz. I really don't think EA was unaware of that fact when she decided to become a musician, share her personal life, and form an intense parasocial bond with her audience. But maybe she underestimated how hard it would be to process and recover from.
Just because you expect something unpleasant to happen, doesn't mean your psyche will be ready to handle it when it does – or that you'll pick the best and most effective strategy to deal with it.

A MADHOUSE UNDER MARTIAL LAW: MARCHING INTO THE FORUM WARS

There are two sides to every story... except for this one! (“If I Burn”, 2012 🎵)

You may have noted the military imagery in EA's “Make a Fucking Choice” response post – “resign your post in the Asylum Army”! What do psychiatry and the military have in common? They're both institutions of top-down social control. 🔍 EA's mixed metaphor may be a bit clunky, but it did foreshadow the evolution of the Asylum – in terms of aesthetics and power dynamics – in the years that followed the FantineDormouse incident and the release of The Book.
EA's next big release after the Asylum book came in 2012. It was a new album, an outline of the soon-to-be Asylum musical, called Fight Like a Girl (FLAG for short). As the name suggests, the main mood was bellicose. Incidentally, in the interim years, EA's communication style generally became noticeably more combative, incendiary, and (within her own spaces) controlling.📝 You remember those quirky word filters on the forum, that would change “fan” to “muffin” and “bra” to “teacup holder”? They kind of took on a Nineteen-Eighty-Four-burlesque flavor when you realized that one filter automatically changed “Fischkopf” to “Liddell” - and that circumventing the rule to address her totally real last name would get you banned, as would any discussion of her family. (“Wikipedia, random internet sites and heresay are not credible sources.” - Mod reminder of forum rules, 2010.)
Also, you try sustaining a serious, grown-up conversation among concerned fans about how Emilie Autumn should “take ratsponsibility for her mistakes out of ratspect for her muffins”. Thus, the official Asylum forum kept a tight grip on overt criticism of EA's claims and actions.

The Emilie Autumn forum is a dystopian hell. Truth be told, when I decided to leave you could not do anything but gush about Emilie. Otherwise all of her extremist arse kissing fans will be down your throat, ripping you apart in seconds, if you so much as questioned her behaviour. So much for freedom of opinion, let alone the idea of creating a harmonious community for ‘outcasts’. Hahaha. (2014 🐀)

The word filter thing really wasn't a big deal – I'm just pointing it out as one goofy expression of EA's need to control the narrative and rhetoric, which became especially noticeable in those post-book, pre-FLAG years. By that point, EA's fuse had been shortened by near on half a decade of non-stop touring / recording / writing / promoting / adjusting to the pressure and demands of an ever-growing fanbase, while also dealing with a horrorshow of personal turmoil and health issues behind the scenes. In other words: she was done taking any shit, in any form, or humoring anyone's ridiculous feedback regarding anything.
To be fair, it was never her forte to begin with. Will it come as a shock if I tell you that EA doesn't have the greatest track record for successful collaborative work? Let's do a quick-cut montage!
EA's very first corporate sponsor was her mother's “Enchant Clothing & Costume” online store 🔍; she went on to claim that her mother was dead. She sessioned for Billy Corgan, that went super well. 🎵 She liked Courtney Love for a minute, but that didn't work out because she felt that Courtney only valued her for her pee. 📝 (It probably didn't help that in early 2006, while EA was recording her post-break-up-tell-all album about Corgan, C-Love was recording her post-rehab-redemption album with Corgan. 🔍 Either way, EA didn't seem to like Courtney anymore after that. Courtney likes her, though! 📝) The one artist EA has ever approached for a duet (and by approached, I mean she recorded a demo and threw the CD on stage when he played Chicago in 2004) was, of all people, Morrissey. That never came to pass, thank mercy 🔍 – this fandom has suffered enough. In 2005, EA recorded some haunting vocals and violins for a potential collab with the frontman of Attrition. When, three years later, they were used on one track 🎵 of Attrition's All Mine Enemies Whisper, she alleged 📝 that the recordings had been obtained from her under the false pretense of a different project, then hideously altered to sound “out of tune”, and used without her permission. She enlisted her fans to boycott the album and the band, and threatened legal action. Meanwhile, on LiveJournal and Attrition's message boards, band associates were appalled: according to them, EA had been aware of the project's nature from the start... and had been completely unreachable, even through her label, during the months of its development. (Besides, Attrition is a semi-obscure English darkwave band from the 80s, whose micro-distributed albums don't even have their own Wikipedia pages... so I wonder what EA was hoping to get out of that theoretical lawsuit. These people own nothing but vintage gain pedals!) The song “Cold Hard Cash” 🎤 by Angelspit (who contributed a remix to one of her EPs in 2008) may or may not be an EA diss track. 🐀 Back when indie jewelry brand RockLove (which now has licensing deals with Disney, Marvel, and DC) was still someone's bedroom project, their first drop was an EA-inspired collection 🔍, which appears in many early Opheliac photoshoots. The partnership was terminated on bad terms, for unclear reasons; the RockLove owner shared in a statement that EA had “drunk the cool-aid” of Trisol Guy's shady business practices, and that the two of them had been spamming her with “crazed angry message[s]” for days.
Why am I talking about this? Because it was precisely one such ill-fated business partnership that triggered the Great Asylum Secession.
One fine day of spring 2010, the owner of vegan make-up brand Aromaleigh popped onto the Asylum forum to announce that they were cutting ties with EA, with damning receipts of copy-pasted emails (lost to time). Basically, the brand had been sponsoring her for half a decade, and while Aromaleigh had been actively promoting her music and tours, EA hadn't exactly been returning the favor. (Indeed, the extent of EA's sponcon seemed to have been a banner link to their website on her front page, and a single “random drunken endorsement” LiveJournal post that kind of reads like satire📝, from 2005.)
EA responded by banning the owner's account, deleting the thread, and posting this flippant statement a few days later:

Dearest Plague Rats, To be honest, I have no idea of what the hell happened with Aromaleigh, and I don't care to find out – the whole drama is a complete mystery to me, as I've been away for months touring and have not been in contact with anyone. All I know is that I've been promoting the company for ages and have not asked them for anything in years. (...) Please focus on more interesting things. I am. (“Save the Drama...” forum post, March 2010)

Posts questioning her good faith in the conflict were deleted from the forum. Shortly thereafter, citing how prolific and labor-intensive the Asylum forum had grown, EA shut down all non-EA related subforums – which, among many other topics, included a pretty active thread about Aromaleigh products.
So one Plague Rat decided to create a separate, members-only forum 📝, where users could recreate some of the now-defunct off-topic threads... and also freely voice their critical opinions of EA's behavior without fear of backlash from mods or rabid stans. Thus, “The Reform” was born. (Reform [n]: amendment of what is defective, vicious, corrupt, or depraved.)
For a few weeks, the two-state solution seemed to work fine. And then word spread among forum mods and other diehard fans that there was this horrid other forum, where obsessive haters gathered to spew disgusting lies and vitriol about EA... and soon enough, it was bedlam in the Asylum.
Any explicit mention of the Reform was forbidden on the Asylum forum. Suspicion of participation in the Reform would get you banned. The party line was that The Reform was the enemy 🐀 – even though a number of people were active on both forums, because they liked freedom of expression almost as much as they liked EA. Double agents would lurk on the forum and report back with snark material; sycophants would infiltrate the Reform to identify traitors – much to the amusement of the “haters”, who mocked them and their ilk for “licking EA's pink sparkly boots”. There was no containing the seething, or the sass, among Asylum ranks.
Pretty soon, the insubordination spread to Tumblr. There was the “Ask the Reform” Q&A blog, where questioning fans could interact with “Rebel Rats”, get more details on past drama, and make up their own minds about the people EA called bullies.
And then, there were the “confession blogs”, which published anonymous submissions about EA, positive, negative or neutral, with little censorship. Finally, you didn't even have to pick a throw-away username on a private forum to voice your hottest / strangest / most controversial EA takes. Fans could vent, rant, lament, wonder, shitpost to their heart's content, anonymously. Obviously, given the context of frustration and censorship in the fandom, a lot of the first waves of confessions were EXTREMELY negative.
EA's acolyte Veronica managed to get the first one shut down. If memory serves, she misunderstood the confession blog format, and may have believed that all the posts on “Emilie Autumn Confessions” came from one or a small group of individuals. She was genuinely devastated, and wrote the blog admin to let them know that they were a terrible person who said terrible things. The admin was mortified, apologized profusely and deleted the blog of their own initiative. (Which goes to show that the concept did not come from cruel and malicious anti-fans, as detractors often claimed.)
But a new blog sprung up almost immediately, with a different mod team, and did not surrender. And much like in EA's own book, once the Plague Rats found out that they possessed the gift of speech... well, they really took to it.
Established in 2011 and passed on through generation after generation of mod teams to the present day, Wayward Victorian Confessions would turn out to be the longest-lived institution in the EA fandom. For over a decade now, through all the bleakest nights and dankest debacles of the Asylum, and despite its initial reputation as a troll den, WVC has acted as a kind of neutral ground and vox populi for the active fanbase and anti-fanbase. (The last nominally-active EA fansite to date, She Fights Like a Girl, is actually an offshoot of WVC: one of the old admins created it as a database to answer “frequently asked questions” about EA.)
Wayward Victorian Confessions has now outlived every other EA platform, official and unofficial. Were it not for the continued existence of the “troll den”, what little fan community survives in 2024 would be non-existent, plain and simple. To quote from late 20th century Canadian philosophy: isn't it ironic?

I feel like [WVC] is the only place I feel any of that old Asylum community kind of feeling I felt before EA got so focused on the book. It sucks that it’s so full of unhappiness, and I wish she hadn’t poisoned the sanctuary she claimed to have built. It’s just kind of fallen apart, like a crumbling building. (🐀 2016)

CONTINUED IN COMMENTS

Our origins: One of our fearless leaders u/AliceinWonder created this subreddit (AshaeScumdara) that has now collected us to critically examine a piece of the Scamfluencer puzzle: “Ashae Sundara” / whose non-cult name is Carly Morgan Gross. We’ve been told we’re a relatively niche sub, and we agree. We tend to focus on a particular network of coaches as a way to strategically attack the pyramid-scheme. Some of our fav exposed coaches (who coach coaches to coach coaches … to coach) are listed below to help you trace the wild sisterhood of snake oil salesbabes. We pride ourselves in helping survivors gain the clarity, support, and strength to demand refunds, share their stories (when they desire to do so) and extract themselves from the culty landscape of girl-boss hell. We love to see it when high level scammers can admit they've been wrong, make proper repairs/amends, and take off the influencer hats - as they join us to end the pyramid scam.
We really blew up around the time that some other influencers (purporting to be more “ethical” versions of influencers/coaches) called out Ashae. We later found out that these ethics girlies were also just scammers. You can read more about our expose of how this group - who came to call themselves Ethics for Coaching (EFC) - was actually just another MLM hun-led endeavor. It’s a fascinating tale, and at one point they even tried to claim to be a regulatory board for the enter coaching industry! The egos abound.
Our snark: We are a snark page, which means that we are poking fun as a way to educate (and maintain our sanity). We’ve noticed over the years that unfortunately new age coaches prime their victims to view snark and humor in this way as “unspiritual” or even something that could introduce “bad karma” into their lives. Some coaches have gone has far as to tell their clients to not read the sub, or primed them to view it as "full of haters" (sounds a lot like how cults talk about online criticism and receipts about their abuse... hmmmmm.)This idea that snark is unspiritual is a part of the new-age cult mindset that we believe would do survivors well to deprogram from. Luckily, in the Reddit-world, we get to build our “karma” by shedding light onto the horrifying truth of these scams. We invite you to be open to the idea of snark being a liberatory tool; and of course if you prefer to be more informational than snarky - that’s ok too.
“Mandatory” listening: You’ll notice we have a flair “Katya was here first” because we are big fan girls of the podcast Love & Light Confessionals, which provides you with an insider exposé on the new-age, coaching, and wellness world’s most bizarre antics. Katya has been holding this lens down for quite some time (especially when 2020 hit and these scamfluencers got extra wet and wild). Our fav eps - and most relevant ones to this divine feminine polarity pyramid sector - include:

• The Hippie Love Affair with Alt-Right Conspiracy Theory
• Boss Babe Culture & the Divine Feminine
• Life in Spiritual Girlboss Hell Ft: Teal Swan and the Sophia Code
• Guru Culture & the Divine Masculine
• Is Cancel Culture Unspiritual?
• Bonus EP: NXVIM & New Age Predation
• The Polarity Trend
• Polarity Part 2: Mars & Venus Edition
• Sisterhood of the Sacred No Homo
• How the Grift is Grifted
• The Fall of the Coaching Industry

The coaches (+ Ashae associates):

• Melanie Ann Layer - aka “Top Dog Scammer” - aka “MAL” who is a primary mentor of Carly’s. Former MLM hun turned Tony Robbins student. Claims to have made over 80 million in sales from her scam. MAL has set a primary industry standard for many coaches that operate similar to Carly in their grift.
  
• John Wineland - aka “JW” aka "Johnny Boy" - who is also a primary mentor and trainer of Caryl and her boo Allan McGrath Isbel. They have each gone through his 1000 hour teacher training that is basically a men’s right red-pill extravaganza masquerading as this new trend called “Polarity”. JW came to prominence by dating “Guru Jagat” aka Katie Griggs who was a famous scammer guru (now deceased) who has been allegations of abuse and financial fraud against her.
  
• Madelyn Moon - girlfriend of JW. Close friends with Allan’s ex (Luna Battalia).
  
• Allan McGrath Isbell aka “Al the Incel” aka Ashae’s Boo. Founder of a “divine masculine” group called Thirteen Pines that hosts the gurus like JW. Ex husband of Luna Battalia. Teaches a lot of "red pill" content that is rooted in incel ideology and recruitment tactics.
  
• Luna Battalia aka Luna Love aka Whitney. Ex wife of Allan McGrath Isbell (Ashae’s boo), besties with Madelyn Moon, Jolie Dawn, Leola, Sophia Le Page, Karen Prosen.
  
• Aimee Batuski and Ellie Montgomerie who run the org “Desire on Fire” and a summit called “The Feminine Revolution” - Carly got real close with these ladies when she was feeling the heat from all the refund requests coming through after her exposé. They all had many dinners together and a vacation to Portugal, but then something seemed to happen and they haven’t really been as cozy since… There’s some speculation on the sub that Allan and Aimee got a little too friendly.
  
• Rebecca Ives aka "The Content Queen" aka "The Content Queef". Also a (former?) downline of MAL. She and her husband support Ashae during her "cancellation" and harassed survivors on this sub. Her husband likes to call us the "hall monitors" of the coaching "industry" (an alt right talking point).
  
• Maya Night aka Meg Jamison, who we have affectionately nicknamed “Messy Meg” (because she literally licks dirt as a “practice” and brags about not having proper credentials).
  
• Molly Moonrise former facilitator and co-conspirator in being high AF with Ashae in her business.
  
• Jenna and Sab: Ashae’s current/former assistants who sometimes pops into our comments with some tantrums.
  
• Other assorted Austin influencers who always seem to be hanging around in the same hun-sphere and also referenced above: Sophia Le Page, Leola (aka “Talk Tantra to me” aka “The Pleasure Priestess”), Jolie Dawn
  
• Other influencers of note outside of Austin (for the time being…): Victoria Washington (former mentee of MAL’s), Christina Louise McBoyle aka “Solar Feminine Arts” (connected to Luna Battalia, Victoria Washington), Denell Barbara Randall aka Cervical Wellness (connected to Luna, Karen, Christina, and others), Karen Prosen (former business partner with Luna Battalia, friend of Denell, known sub hater, and ex cult-leader allegedly at “Angel Status” within Kaia Ra’s Sophia Code).
  

We hope this helps you navigate the sub a bit easier, and also gives you some foundational resources (particularly if you're a survivor of these spaces) to start healing and deprogramming. We are glad you're here and welcome you to interact in our community and reference the community guidelines as you go.
Re: safety - The anonymity here makes it safer for us (since these coaches be litigious AF). Also, many of these coaches have folks sign NDAs and waivers and this seems to be only increasing. Have your wits about you as you interact here. We sometimes get coach infiltration and this typically looks like people DMing you and trying to scare you away with threats of exposing your IP address, or alleging to know your identity, etc. etc. It's all bluffs so far. Sometimes infiltrators pretend to be fellow survivors and try to get you to disclose your identity, which we highly recommend against unless a deep trust and discernment has been met.
with love,
Spoons (+ Alice)

The asswipe junior-high genius "mod team" over at the ridiculously anti-intellectual s(k)eptic sub decided to invent a reason to ban me today, so I can only assume my argument for this particular point lands just a little too well for TQ+ comfort. So I'm going to say it loud and clear right here:
Sex is binary.
It's not ♂️, ♀️, and intersex. It's not a bimodal distribution. It is binary. All intersex people are mammals, and all mammals are gonochoric, meaning every individual is precisely and permanently one or the other sex.
Not all animals are strictly gonochoric the way mammals, birds, and insects are. The alternatives are (1) hermaphroditism and (2) some circumstance-driven combo of hermaphroditism and gonochorism.
The technical reason ovotesticular disorder is no longer called "true hermaphroditism" is because, being a gonochoric species, humans are incapable of hermaphroditism. The word has a specific scientific meaning: hermaphroditism is when a single organism plays both male and female reproductive roles, either sequentially (iow switching roles) or simultaneously. Some hermaphrodites can self-fertilize; others require a second hermaphrodite to double-fuck (earthworms do this and it is freaky).
It is worth noting that even in the case of hermaphroditism, sex is still completely binary. Any animal that reproduces plays the mother and/or father role; there are no other roles.
Trans people these days seem largely unaware of the fact that literally no intersex people are hermaphrodites, nor that many of us consider the term a slur. Since the only options for sexual reproduction on Earth are gonochorism, hermaphroditism, or a mixed/switching system, anyone who denies human gonochorism and uses intersex people to make their point is effectively declaring us at least part-time hermaphrodites. 💀
Over and over again, I see XXY trotted out as a binary-breaking gotcha, as though being an anatomically and hormonally feminized man makes me something other than a man. This is not too surprising, as it is an article of trans faith that anatomically and hormonally feminized men are literally women. The fact that intersex men are men does not easily coexist with the belief that trans women are women. Too bad; shoulda stuck to gender, I guess, because sex is our turf (with a u). I refuse to be "Assigned Hermaphrodite at Middle Age" so that transfems can have both their gender AND sex wishes come true. Intersex rights are human rights too. We will not be erased.
Of course I can appreciate the fact that, being gender-nonconforming by birth (though all too often forced into conformity by medicine), some intersex folks might welcome the new bimodal sex pseudoscience. I 100% get that: a man I will always be, but manly never. I don't fuck with girly girls, nor they with me—just give me a tomboy (tomman?) with PCOS! 😁
And I believe as strongly as I believe anything that nobody should ever force anyone—trans, intersex, whoever—to be either gender- or sex-conforming. Free to be you and me, y'all.
But you can't really be gender non-conforming without a sex whose gender roles you subvert. Plus, the biological facts are non-negotiable: all mammals are strictly gonochoric, and all reproductive sex is binary anyway, whether that happens to be ♂️AND♀️, ♂️OR♀️, or ♂️AND/OR♀️. Nobody should be making us conform to our sex, but that doesn't mean we don't have one (and only one). That's Mother Nature's call, not ours.
Oh, and to all the fashy lurkers thinking I'm being transphobic: FUCK YOU, vile interphobic scum... eso es por mi gente.

I've always more masculine, always did shit that was "boyish". I wasn't called princess by my dad, I was called Bug because I was always outside. I'm not trying to say "I'm not like other girls ☝️🤓", I'm trying to say it's been obvious for years that was clearly a more masculine person. My brother about a month ago, we were in the car and started talking about dating with his wife. I'm 14 btw, so it's understandable. My brother asked me "So what, you like boy or girls?" And I said "Everyone is an asshole." (Should've just said boys but I'm an idiot.) We went into a shop after that and I was quite, when we got back in the car he said "I don't give a fuck who you fuck, just be safe." First of all, icon. Second, I was scared of him knowing anything bc he's a big ole Republican (most of the family is). My dad yesterday said "You're a very pretty lady...maybe not lady, but you're very pretty." There have been subtle hints like that for years, I'm not 100% if I'm trans or not. But I know I'm bi. I just needed to talk. My room screams flamboyant, I wear dark colors and "non-girly" clothes, I have short ASF hair and wear a hat every day. I don't know what I'm doing.

Hey gals, sorry this is a bit long and rambly, but I wanted to pack in as much info about me as possible to help you understand me and my situation as much as possible.
I'm a pretty intelligent and self aware individual, and I've noticed a major pattern of my passions/interests lasting around 2-3 years before subsiding to something else. It started back in 2016 when I first staring watching some Youtube videos on a few horror games that I liked. That continued until 2018, when I, like most of my generation, became obsessed with Fortnite, which lasted until 2021. Then my passion shifted to the space industry and rockets in particular. This interest in spaceflight has led me to pursuing a career in aerospace engineering and that is what I am majoring in college next year (if I'm ready, which its looks like I might not be, due to a multitude of factors, mainly my lack of executive functioning skills). This passion too thought has begun to decline over the past year, but unlike my other interests, it has coincided with the decline of my mental health. (I do get pretty bad anxiety, depressive, and particular, self-loathing episodes quite frequently) This decline has been for a combination of circumstances, including social failures this year at my gap year program, and I toxic and poor environment here on campus. But one thing in particular has really taken its toll, which based on the subreddit I'm posting on, I think you can probably guess what it is...
Yeah, I've been questioning my gender. Like obsessively, this entire year pretty much. For context, there was a gendered theme to a particular OCD issue I had when I was back in 5th grade (this was by far the worst period of my life because of this issue, its was absolutely mortifying not being in control of myself and the absurdity of it all was very traumatic for me). I thankfully did get over that within a year or 2. Then I hit puberty, and began to explore myself sexually, and found that TG captions really turned me on for some reason. This unsurprisingly quickly led to me trying on my Mom and sister's clothes, especially their skirts and dresses, which I kept secret for 5 years or so until this past summer when I finally admitted to it, which allowed me to buy my own femme clothes and not have to worry about being caught anymore. (I still get boners from dressing up btw). Now as I approach the end of this year, a bunch of formal stuff is coming up like prom and graduation (I'm doing may gap year at a small private high school for Neurodivergent students), and as I have been all year for any formal events, am really not looking forward to them due to the nature that I must dress as a boy, which I have begun to hate. I love dresses and dressing femme in general way too much to wear a stupid suit. But I'm also totally in the closet about this and don't feel ready to come out about it for a few major reasons, one of which is the focus of this post.
I believe I am also pretty dysphoric about some, but not all parts of my body that a trans person would expect to be unhappy with. I really don't like my body and facial hair, it's itchy and scratchy and doesn't look or feel good in the mirror, neither does my somewhat masculine facial structure (I'm only 18 btw, so it's not that bad yet). I also really don't like my hair, If I'm a girl on the inside, I definitely want to have long, blonde or light brown hair, in a somewhat wavy pattern. Mine however is short (ish, ive been growing it out this spring) and super curly and a very dark brown. I seem to get very excited by the prospect of having a feminine body, specifically when it comes to secondary sexual feature like boobs, hips, thighs, etc. I'm also quite unhappy with my relatively deep voice. Ironically the one thing I'm happy with is my genitals, which possibly due to their almost constant use throughout the years as I devise to fulfill my girly desires, has led me to remain quite fond of them.
I'm looking for advice on what to do, I've experimented with female name and pronouns, which feels good and euphoric (bubbly, exciting, the usually stuff you've heard I'm sure...) online, but irl, they made me extremely uncomfortable with my family, so I stopped with that. I want to start changing up my appearance, and am thinking pretty damn hard about HRT, but I'm just not sure about anything for a lot of important reasons. There's a lot of fear that I'm going to regret doing things to my body and life. I'm super scared of both the social and physiological consequences of gender transition. I also get the feeling that i'll be giving up a lot by doing so, stuff like male privilege, the little physical strength that I have, and my somewhat strong athletic capabilities in general. My relationship with my family, who although they accepted my crossdressing, are much more apprehensive about me doing a giant 180 with my identity (even though it doesn't feel like that for me, its just how it looks to them). My dad keeps telling me all about how he's always wanted a son and a daughter, but the son was always what was most important to him, are have quite the father-son bond, and I don't want to lose that. He's also pretty wealthy and paying for my tuition through undergrad, so I need to keep him on board with me (although importantly, he claims he will support me no matter what). My mom and sister haven't been very helpful or inclusive with girl stuff either, they just leave me to figure out stuff like makeup, shaving, and feminine hygiene to figure out myself, which has sucked. My sister also constantly trashes on my outfits. :(
I'm also terrified about coming out because all the attention will be on me in a way that I feel most vulnerable, and I have managed to alienate much of campus already, due to a falling out with the most popular girl in the school. I'm afraid of being judged, especially because I myself I have a BUTT TON of internalized transphobia that I'm trying to get over with my therapist, particularly about non-passing trans people. Most of all, if there is one thing I want to address in this post, it is the fear that this is just another one of those phases I was talking about in the beginning, I fear that I'm going get over this and detransition and deeply regret making myself infertile amongst other permanent things.
So, what do I do? I know I've said a lot of different things, I'm really just looking for advice, whether it's about hair and beauty, figuring out my identity once and for all, family, my interests, or whatever. Above all else though, please tell me, is this just a phase, or am I a girl on the inside who has been repressed in a prison of masculinity?
(Oh a couple last things, as of about a month ago, before The Tortured Poets Department was released, I have become a huge Swiftie. My favorite album is 1989, I think it might be gender affirming to be listening to girly music all the time lol. If I am in fact a girl, I'm definitely am a girly girl.😂 Also another important note, I'm only attracted to women and it has always been that way. I think I could be a femme trans lesbian.)

Miki Rai, in short, is insufferable and basically leveraged the pandemic and lied about being a frontline worker to get clout. All she cares about is money, money, money and the fame and getting more followers and views. Here are some reasons, that can easily be found over Reddit, for why Miki is insufferable and horrible:

1. The pandemic. During the start of the pandemic, Miki became popular with her reels and posting Google-able nursing facts with stupid viral dances. That worked - she gained a lot of followers. But she lied about being a frontline worker and would take photos outside of random non-health related buildings with her scrubs and stethoscope and talk about being a frontline worker. Just google her name - there’s several articles that called her out. She even had to post a half-assed apology video.
   
2. Transition into “finance.” Since the pandemic lifted, she no longer posts about nursing material, but turned into some sort of finance and lifestyle girly. She’s OBSESSED with money - even Kevin joked about it. And she posts so many lavish things like her veneers and all her lavish trips and being the breadwinner all while trying to say that money is not everything (which is a total lie to her).
   
3. Her identity with Kevin. Everything is about dating/now being married to a doctor and how he’s her retirement plan. There have been posts about her putting him down financially wise and boasting that she supports him with her townhouse and all, and it gets really boring, really fast. It almost makes us feel just bad for him.
   
4. Her past. Her identity also includes being a high school dropout and making into UCLA. Just because she got a few C’s at MV high school. There have been posts about her past about her high school days bullying others and, well, actually being what she is now. Clout chasing and attention seeking (there are stories from her classmates that knew her here on Reddit)
   
5. Cringe and clout chasing. She is always looking for opportunities to be “besties” with certified people on social media and just to gain a larger platform. Which is just so sad and pathetic - makes me wonder what hanging around her feels like when there’s always a camera ready to promote herself and that she knows X, Y, Z. Tiffany Ma being one example, and Chloe Shih, Vivian (finance), etc. And apparently she was listed as married to Kevin months ago (can be searchable via Washington public records), so I bet all her marriage/proposal content was staged.
   

TLDR - I have blocked this girl on my social media, but she’s just a bad egg in Asian-American social media. I do see her stuff in my algorithm or here on Reddit, which makes me gag. She doesn’t deserve this amount of recognition for how fake she is and how she rode the pandemic, a disastrous time, for attention and clout.

Hey girlies,
I am new to the diagnosis and thread so please be patient with me if I sound silly.
I have been struggling with abnormal uterine bleeding and pain for 5 months. Since December 2023, I have been spotting daily. It ramped up to a heavy flow with clotting in March 2024 following a few days of heavy lifting from moving homes. I went to my local clinic right when I noticed this and they had me tested for everything under the sun — and even an ultrasound. I was diagnosed w adenomyosis and pcos.
Because I am new to the area, I haven’t really established myself with a primary care doc or obgyn, etc. My local clinic first tried to remedy my bleeding with a low dose birth control. When that didn’t work, they put me on a higher estrogen dose birth control. When I kept bleeding they added a 5 day course of tranexamic acid.
Still. Bleeding. At this point I’ve been bleeding for 5 months straight, and heavy bleeding for a little over a month straight. I am exhausted and in pain constantly. It’s hard to do normal activities because I am always leaking and need to be near my bathroom. I feel swollen like a damn balloon.
My local clinic seems to be worried. They said that this should have remedied by now. They said they were concerned because I was experiencing symptoms of blood loss and my hemoglobin was going down. They urged me to go to the ER and said I could not afford to wait until my first gyno specialist appointment booked for the 13th this month… about 6 days away.
I was skeptical about how much the ER would be able to help, but alas I went to my local ER. I spent all day in the waiting room. When the doctor arrived, I felt like she was not empathetic of my situation AT ALL. She was barely listening while I explained what has been happening the last 5 months. She was clearly rushing because of how fast she was moving and speaking. Honestly I felt like she blew me off just because I wasn’t dying. She was VERY quick and rough in her finger examination (to the point where tonight I am cramping really badly from it).
ER doc tells me to stop the birth control. She prescribed a non contraceptive progesterone medication. I asked her what the transition of going off birth control and switching to progesterone would be like regarding my flow. She just stared at me… I then asked her what I should do if the bleeding doesn’t stop or worsens. Her response was “well, you’ve been dealing with it for this long, what’s a few more months?”. She then said we were done and directed me to leave. I was at the hospital 5 hours and it felt like this doctor only spent a few minutes with me tops from the moment she entered the room.
I’m really sad and discouraged… and also confused. My clinic made me feel like I was in an emergency situation considering how much they pushed me to go to ER.
Sorry for the rant… my question for you ladies is: Should I trust this ER doctor and make the switch to the progesterone? Has anyone been taking non contraceptive progesterone? Did it work for them?
HOW DO I GET THIS BLEEDING TO STOP
I’m so sad… I just want to feel better. Ya girl is tired.
Thanks for hearing me out.