Old english negative

I, (26M) work a pretty high-stress job, however I get great benefits and good pay, plus I enjoy it. My hours can go from anywhere from 20-90 hours a week. I'm currently, sick. I rarely get sick but when I do it tends to be pretty bad, now I don't want to sound rude but my wife can be an absolute terror to deal with when I'm home. She's a wonderful person, but she's extremely loud in terms of voice.
A few days ago, I told her I was feeling sick and may want to stay home for a few days (i get paid sick leave so its not an issue) and she was furious, saying that she can't handle another person around right now, especially not risking our daughter getting sick. (She's a SAHM and we have a 6 year old daughter) my head was throbbing too much to try saying anything about it, so I went to 'work'. Half-way on my way to work I gave up, realising I was not in the condition to go. I called in sick and then called a friend to pick me up.
Tray picked me up, he works from home so it wasn't a big issue for him and I stayed over at his place. It was admittedly awesome. No screaming and I got to sleep most of it off. I did this for 2 days after that and yesterday got caught. My wife felt bad about screaming at me while I had a headache and making me go to work when I was sick and so went to my work with some broth(?), I'm sorry I don't know the english word but a kind of soup in a mug you drink to get better from cold's.
I got back and she asked where I had been. I could already tell from her voice that she knew, so I just told the truth. She started yelling at me about how I could lie to her like that, and how dumb I was for 'wasting' my sick-days. I get the lying part but I was sick. I just wanted the screaming to stop so I asked her why it mattered? I was out of the house in the hours she wanted me to be, and it wasn't affecting her. I got kicked to the guest room. I'm still sick, but I'm way too scared to not go to work tomorrow.
AITA for lying? I didn't think it would matter too much if I just did what she wanted.

When a dating app allowed users to mute specific words, phrases and emojis, singles quickly curated their lists. How did a few overused phrases become an “ick” for so many?
Being “fluent in sarcasm,” a love of tacos, an uncontroversial opinion followed by the words “change my mind.” These are a few well-trodden tropes of the online dating world, and there may be a linguistic explanation for why they don’t work on you.
The popular dating app Hinge added a new feature called Hidden Words this month. It allows users to hide the profiles of matches who use certain words, phrases or emojis in their messages.
Online singles were quick to express their eagerness to take advantage of a “mute” button for specific language that turned them off. “I wish I could mute the phrase ‘pineapple belongs on pizza,’” said Mitchell Allen, a 31-year-old in Toronto who uses Hinge and Bumble, and lamented a lack of meaningful connections on the apps. Mr. Allen said he would also mute any phrases relating to love languages and Myers-Briggs typology: “I don’t believe anyone who speaks like that lives in a universe of reality.”
Liking pineapple on pizza is innocent enough — but expressing it, according to much of the online dating world, is intolerable. And those using such clichés may not realize that they’ve consigned themselves to semantic purgatory.
All dating apps allow users to filter potential matches according to their age, gender and proximity (most also paywall other filters), effectively rendering invisible those who don’t fit the bill. But users’ enthusiasm for a filter according to word choice exposes just how specific their dislikes, or icks, can be.
Malia Griggs, a 34-year-old who lives in Brooklyn, N.Y., said that she couldn’t help being turned off by poor grammar, such as someone using the wrong “you’re” or “their” in a message or profile.
“I wish I could filter for punctuation almost,” Ms. Griggs said. She admitted that, while her dating coach had encouraged her to view habits like spelling and grammar as changeable, she continued to see both as a definitive sexual turnoff. “To me, it feels like you’re not taking the time to even read your own profile a couple of times, and we don’t have the same values. My values are grammar.”
Even if spelling errors and grammar aren’t holistic indicators of a person’s dateability, the best online connections are often forged by finding those who communicate through screens the same way you do.
This is often called “typographical tone of voice,” a phrase coined by Gretchen McCulloch, a popular internet linguist, to describe how online writing has come to contain the same social nuance as face-to-face interactions. It may follow, then, that glib statements such as “no drama” and “since apparently it matters” convey far more than those writing them realize — including an inability to read the (virtual) room.
“A lot of these cliché phrases, a lot of people take them to imply something else,” said Erika Ettin, an online dating coach in New York City. “‘No drama,’ for example, might be a euphemism for ‘Don’t bring up your issues to me because I don’t want to hear about them.’”
Having spent years swiping for her clients, Ms. Ettin said she wasn’t surprised to hear that daters could get the ick from an idiom.
“I mean, I could go on all day about the cliché phrases that everyone is sick of,” she said, listing off a series of generalizations of abundant variety — including “I like to go out” and “I like to stay in” — and the bizarrely pervasive love of tacos. “Like, OK, tacos are fine, but gee whiz.”
Adele Goldberg, a professor of linguistics and psychology at Princeton University, suggested that associating a simple phrase and the negative conversations that often follow it might eventually make the two synonymous in daters’ minds.
“This is basically priming,” Professor Goldberg said. “If you hear the word ‘apple,’ the commonly associated word ‘orange’ will also come to mind.” Using a word or emoji that had been primed to be associated with something else in recipients’ minds — like an eggplant emoji (apple) and a particular body part (orange) — was unlikely to pass muster, she said, even if the sender intended it innocently or ironically.
Ms. Ettin was skeptical that certain words could be divorced from their double-entendres on dating apps and was confident in banning a word like “oral” from exchanges. “I don’t think anyone’s talking about an oral report in the first message,” she said. “‘How was your oral report on Woodrow Wilson?’ I don’t think so.”
Reached for comment, a Hinge representative emphasized that Hidden Words was primarily a safety feature and a means of “giving people the agency to create personal boundaries around the types of interactions they want to have.”
But in a swipe-addled era that has increasingly led hopeful romantics to burn out, app users’ boundaries may be a barrier to interaction itself. Ms. Griggs would be happy never to see a profile referring to “The Office” again: “We’ve all seen it. Like, I don’t … it doesn’t even matter if it’s a good show anymore. Get a new show.”
How Language Influences Your Choices in Online Dating - The New York Times (nytimes.com)
What wors/phrases would you add? I would add the words fit, cuddle, physical touch is my love language, just ask...

Hi, English is not my main language, so sorry for the mistakes!
So I have a cat! She is around two and a half years old, and she is just a plain cat without any fancy lineage. Her parents are a farm cat and some rando, so I don't know what type of breed. I'm Swedish and I think we just call it huskatt, bondkatt eller blandras katt. Which would be directly translated into housecat, farm cat, and mix breed cat. The formal terms I don't know.
So, anyway, she is mostly an indoor cat. She is outside on my balcony, and I tried getting her used to going on walks in a harness. Which she at first, as a kitten, seemed to like but then seemed to hate it as she grew older. so I took a break from going out with her. Like maybe a year later in the end of summer before autumn. I tried again this is last year and she loved it. She wanted to go outside on that I could tell. So I tried going outsider as much as she wanted. Then the problem accured the one I have a question about but before that I would say I deem that me and my cat has a good bond or so I think. She gets me at the door when i come home. She listens to me most of the time when we practice tricks, she has her tail up words. She lets me pet her stomach, she sleeps at my feet and sometimes on my stomach or chest. More so when I'm on my couch then bed. She strokes her head at me when I try and pet her and she does the slow blinks. She uses me as a ladder and let's me pick her up even though being held isn't her favourite thing.
So yeah all that makes me believe we have a good bond. I love her at least and I think she enjoys my company's. And as long as I don't like bother her like the time I tried to weigh her and kept her from moving and or scare her she doesn't his at me.
So now my question.
When I'm outside with her and I deem we have been outside long enough. 30 minutes to an hour. And she is still not showing signs of wanting to go back inside I will pick her up and move her towords the door and then she will walk inside on her own. But when I pick her up outside, she will hiss and growl. And really like bare her teeth. She hasn't done anything like attacking me, but it's clear she is mad. And I don't know why she changed. As soon as we are inside, she will become my sweetheart again who waits at my feet and purr in my presence, and bring me gifts ( her toys ), so if there are any cat behavior specialists out there with knowledge on why she changes and what I should do. Since I don't want out bond to take a hit and I don't want her to get a negative look on our outside time.
Thank you all in advance and hope you have a nice day / or night!

Recently I decided to gave sobriety a real chance and now I have thoughts looking back on 6 months of sobriety, which I want to share. More recently, I started drinking again, which I'm afraid of. For some background, I have had around 15 years of what I would call “higher-than-normal” alcohol use, often peaking to very high levels and sometimes what I would call crisis levels. Sometimes I wish the crisis levels would have been higher so that I could have better identified them earlier. I generally enjoy alcohol and strive to be in a state where I am completely altered from my sober self: which is a person who is funny and a joy to be with. I think my sober self is rather harsh and negative, and not someone that anyone would want to spend time with.
I believe that a lot of my personal negativity came from my studies in International Realtions, and readings on wars, slavery, and colonialization. Utlimately you will have to decide based on the account below. My alcohol use would average around 5 pints of strong beer (~7.5%), or about 2 bottles of red wine. Sometimes it would get higher than I could count.
Alcohol use starting in 2023
Early in 2023, around march, I decided to stop drinking for a reason I can’t remember, and I had a good 2 months being alcohol-free. During that time I also decided to try out Betterhelp (tm) for a month or two and find a counselor with experience in addication. However, I had already set my mind on sobriety before I sought out the counselor, and she was just there to support my journey.
After 2 sucessful months of soberiety I received some bad news about a job I was excited about, and I was back to drinking for about 5 months. I would drink on average my usual quantity about 3-4 times per week, which was actually an improvement from before. In late September, the 5^th month, I started to read something that would be very important.
*Below I am about to summarize poorly a book by an expert on a subject which I am not an expert on. Please consult this book or other experts on sleep if you have any questions.
When I finally read the book Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker, something finally clicked about the damage alcohol was doing to my sleep, and why quality sleep was important for both phsyical and mental health. Most importantly, according to Walker, because of alcohol’s quality as a sedative, it puts you into a state of sedation, but this is only the first stage of the very important sleep pattern that our minds have evolved to use. The most important stage of our sleep, the NREM (non-rapid eye movement) sleep, which is our particular variant, is blocked in a state of sedation. During a sedated state, you are only experiencing a very low state of sleep that is ultimately useless and will result in feeling tired and a lack of sleep the next day.
Have you ever heard anyone say any variant of: ‘I can’t sleep without alcohol’? They are sedating themselves, and ultimately the lack of good sleep will catch up with them. But they probably can’t perceive it at that moment.
So finally I decided to stop in early October of 2023. What happened during those 6 months? During the first 3 months I started dreaming again. I started fairly well as far as work is concerned also. After only a few weeks, lo and behold, my sleep improved drastically and I began to dream like I had not for a long time. No longer did I think about how tired I was all the time, and finally I was able to devot time to the things that I wanted to.
Alcohol use in 2024
Eventually, January came around. January started great (and I actually regularly hit the gym during this time), but something else was missing. I began to feel a real absence in my life, and I wasn’t hesitant to tell those around me about it.
After the death of an aunt and a week of getting involved in an old past-time of video games, I was lost. A game by an independent developer with passion for his craft created Songs of Syx, which lets you build and manage a city of thousands of people with several different races of different creatures with their own preferences and personalities. Who could resist?
I love art. I love (some) video games, and consider them a form of art, but now I cannot deny that games can become a sort of addication as well.
But this and other less interesting distractions came at the cost of my personal growth. Soon I was lost in distractions again whether they be good or bad. In March I started having dreams where I would drink again, albeit mildly. In April, we had the first very nice day in a very long time. I was finally feeling better, and I desired a beer.
I spent months in these distractions, thinking of calling out to the people who had supported by sobriety but too ashamed to tell them the reality of what I was actually doing. ‘Well, this is better than drinking,’ I had told myself. And in a way, it was. In another way, this replacement deprived me of what I really wanted. I started painting, and listening audiobooks while I painted. All this was great, but I still somehow felt empty inside.
In mid-April, I had a beer for the first time in six months. I had lost 10 kg, the alcohol was much more effecitive on me in producing creativity. Everything felt right again! Until the next morning, when I essentially lost a day, which would be a prelude to several upcoming lost days…
So why did I start drinking again? A bit due to genetics, I’m fairly certain. In part because the weather was nice, and the thought that having a beer would be nice. In large part I’m certain that I wanted to be released from the negative thoughts that I have to deal with by myself. In my situation, there’s nothing better than seeing smiling faces and shaking a bunch of hands, and alcohol helps me feel that joy on my end, so that it’s not just a forced smile from my end but a genuine one. And that is a nice feeling.
My own health be damned for the moment, I suppose. But the feeling of connection is enough to keep me going. My only current hope is that I have at least demonstrated that I am sincerely commited to joining my lacent sober desire for connection with my my stupid drunk execution of it.
Appendix: On drinking and creativity
I’ve always told myself that I have the ‘Mark Twain’ syndrome when it comes to drinking. Mark Twain is a considered a classic among American authors, and he was known to drink a lot, especially while writing. I also like to drink and write, and I often do while my sober self is less productive. Now I have to ask myself at this point in my mid-30s, where are the publications? Where are the books? I have one co-authorship on a publication in an economics journal.
Was this ‘Mark Twain’ syndrom a lie that I told myself to continue drinking? As for Mark Twain and other writers who were infamous drinkers, were they brilliant because of or in spite of their drinking? Does the same hold for other drug use like pot smoking?
My personal thoughts are that any drug, whether it be alcohol or methanphetamine, gives its primary benefits near the start of use, but when an addiction starts to develop the creative potential of the drug drowns in just desire for the drug. Some people are apparently able to keep themselves in the state of "desire for the drug" which they are able to harness for creativity, but I have come to think the more likely outcome of the drug use is addiction and waste of creative potential.

How big a hit would you take on your future house price to pass it on to your children?
My mum and dad had us (me and my twin brother) when they were 18 (1988) and bought a house for 20k. They sold that house for £49,500 and bought a bigger house for £64,000 when we were 10 years old which they still own and the house would be £200k plus at a conservative estimate now.
I've come back from Uni and ten years in England and bought a house for 300k plus as a straight swap for the spec we had in England (4 bed, two receptions and a garage) in a nice area of a city here.
Recently though we've had to refix our mortgage and thanks to that clown Liz Truss (the lady that opened up new pork markets in china) we're looking at paying £1600 a month now and the house has been valued £15k lower than what we paid for it after a survey was done just to fix a rate and the bank say not many would be able to pay that mortgage here.
This got me thinking about my daughter and what she'd be expected to pay when the time comes just to get on the market. I've no doubt a correction is needed in the market (it was the small print on the mortgage that got me, total amount payable for the 270k we were needing to borrow was 557k, which is scandalous when you think about it) but will our generation be the ones that make it happen?
I'm 35 and have lived through 2 serious recessions already but I pity the kids I see at 30 years plus still living with mum and dad and getting shit for buying a nice car or going on several holidays a year because they have literally given up on the dream of owning a home.
What policy could we adopt to give our kids a chance of being adults when they are in their 20s as I know wages will not improve to the level required and if we were to go into a serious level of negative equity it would just be the banks that would gain from it.
Thatchers buy your council house was a con as it's left affordable housing in tatters for the generations that followed. Nationalising a bank or housing developer wouldn't be a bad shout especially if house building is going to slow down. I've read that we'll be the richest generation ever after we inherit property from our boomer relatives but at what cost if our children are having to be heavily subsidised just to pay for heavily inflated housing?
Can't be just me thinking about this, is it?

My girlfriend and I are going through quite tough times right now. I, a 33-year-old male, and she, a 29-year-old female, met about 2 years ago, not through online dating but face to face. I had just come out of a relationship, and she had been single for almost a year. We had a great start where we never argued, everything was smooth sailing, and everything felt so natural.
But unfortunately, lately, things have only gotten worse and worse. She is very set in her ways, while I am a bit more laid back. She likes to do laundry and clean, but hates cooking and doing dishes. So, we divided up the household chores, I handle cooking and dishes, she does laundry and cleaning. I've also taken on the responsibility of "fixing" things, like if we're going to a social gathering, I pick up gifts/alcohol, take care of the cars if something breaks, and do the grocery shopping for the meals I'll be cooking. When I bring up feeling like I do 80% of everything at home, as she spends about a total of 3 hours cleaning per week and the laundry is in the washing machine we have at our place, which is essentially just putting it in and taking it out, she doesn't want to feel like "the typical woman" where it feels like I'm controlling her, whether it's about cooking or even down to her not wanting to give blowjobs because she feels "less worthy".
She gets easily irritated and very, very angry. At the same time, I often hear that I'm very messy, and she's very quick to point out my flaws. I rarely hold things over her head because I understand she has a lot of baggage, like the anger from working. She was abandoned by her mom as a child and finds it very difficult to trust people, has been cheated on by guys, and similar situations with friends leaving. So, I often feel like I'm living in their footsteps.
She also doesn't want me to travel without her. I live in a city about 120 miles from where I was born, but she doesn't want me to go alone because she's afraid of infidelity. The same goes for work trips; I have a job that might require me to go to another country for a week a few times a year. This is voluntary, but it looks very good on the CV, and it's fun to see the world. But this is something she absolutely refuses to agree to. I also love skiing, something my childhood friends also enjoy. They usually plan trips, but going on a "guys only" trip will never be an option.
I love her, but I feel like this is wearing me down. When the relationship is good, we are happy and kind. But she finds it very difficult to communicate, difficult to admit when she's wrong, and even when we try to solve things, she keeps bringing up things we previously argued about and finds it hard to be solution-oriented.
My fear is, if I become single as a 33-year-old guy, it feels difficult to deal with the whole process of meeting someone new, starting a family, and so on. After all, I'm not 22 anymore.
Has anyone been through something similar? Is this solvable? Sorry for my English too, it's my second language!
Thank you for reading
TL;DR: Having a hard time dealing with my controlling GF

Reddit Account: u/broncobracken
Discord Tag: Jackun
Name and House: Benedict 'Ned' Bracken
Age: 24
Cultural Group: Riverman
Appearance: Ned is young, spindly. He keeps himself thin so that he makes little noise as he walks in the halls of great keeps. He looms not so large when he is not in armor and his eyes betray a weariness in recent years. Still he grooms himself, almost religiously. Bracken shaves his beard and shapes his mustache in the manner his father does. Most notably about him is his talking, or lack thereof. Ned speaks hardly above a whisper, leaving many to regard him as a mute.
Trait: Hale
Skill(s): 2HW (e), First Man Warrior (e), Andal Knight
Talent(s): Horsemanship, animal handling, language: High Valyrian
Negative Trait(s): N/A
Starting Title(s): Knight of the Kingsguard, Sworn Sword of Prince Aenar Targaryen, Scion of Bracken
Starting Location: Opening
Alternate Characters: N/A
Family Tree: Bracken Family Tree
Biography:
Benedict was born in the year of Aegon's second crowning, to Steffon Bracken and Aglantine Bushy. The only son of the thirdborn Steffon, Ned was never seriously considered nor prepared for rule. He was counted among the many boys growing up in the ancient castle. But for whatever reason, he was slow to speak. Words were rarely said, if that. Though the maester deemed him not to be a mute, his work did little to improve Ned's speech. His uncle Wyl, the master-at-arms of Stone Hedge, deemed it to be an issue of the body and declared that he would not stand idle while his kin suffered. Soon after Ned began serving him as a page, following his uncle in the man's routines. The master-at-arms' constant training did not improve Benedict's soft spoken nature, but it did make the boy hale and healthy.
As a squire in a rather peaceful time in the Seven Kingdoms, Benedict spent many of his days in drills, working beside his favorite cousin, Walton. Among the things he struggled with was the shield. To swing with one hand and block with the other always felt unnatural to him. When Ned was large enough, Walton recommended to his father that he teach him to use two-handed weapons. He took to it like a duck on water, becoming very handy with greatswords as time went on.
Fortunes turned suddenly in 18 AC. Walton, a knight with freshly earned spurs, was directed to deliver a message to King's Landing. It was there he was killed brutally, in a duel of honor against the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, Malwyn Blackwood. An old blood feud once again wettened by red. When word of this reached Stone Hedge, Lord Bracken raised Ned's father and his grieving uncle Wyl and crossed the Red Fork with a force of two hundred men. In the midst of night, they arrived at the hall of the Blackwoods and brought retaliation by burning the castle's manor. Though the guards of the keep fought back, they were surprised and on the back foot. It was Ned's first battle, in which he saved his lord uncle from injury by running down a crossbowman who drew his sights on Lord Bracken. The morning after, their cloaks reeking of woodsmoke and their steel bloodied, the lord knighted his nephew.
This was not the end to the conflict between Blackwood and Bracken. It was only the first of a series of raids conducted between the two houses; as villages were razed and riders bushwhacked. Benedict took part in a number of these skirmishes. His skill at fighting afoot was further honed in these, fighting in the way the First Men must had surely done in that same wilderness a thousand years prior. The eventual culmination in these raids was thousands of men being rallied to each side; an all out war imminent. As quick as the conflict had began, however, it ended suddenly at the urging of the Lord of Aegon's Rest, whose massive dragon forced both sides to abscond from the battlefield before a result could be had.
Ned Bracken returned to a family and keep that was forever changed by what had occurred. Difficult as it was, they tread into another peaceful, albeit tense, era. He was now the eldest of the Bracken's youngest generation, and found himself often acting as a protector and confidante for them. In particular, he rode beside the heir of Stone Hedge, Dickon, to a number of tourneys and celebrations throughout the Kingdoms. Though only an adequate rider, he learned quite a bit from the older knights at these tourneys, particularly as they battered their lances against him constantly. He came out smarter, somehow.
When rumor came from King's Landing that a member of the Kingsguard was on death's door, Lord Beck dispatched his nephew to the city; ostensibly to deliver a small missive to to a minor office holder. In reality, Bracken was sent to the capital to await the death of the sickly Kingsguard. After the man passed, Benedict was among the shortlist of candidates. Beck's gambit paid off when his nephew was sworn into the Kingsguard in 23 AC.
Shortly thereafter was Ned sent to Dorne, one of the three whitecloaks attached to the Targaryens of Summerhall. Queen Rhaenys then assigned him primarily to guard her son, Aenar. Two years have past since. As Aenar draws near to his eighteenth birthday, time will tell what else Ned will face.
Timeline:
• 1 AC: Benedict is born to Steffon and Aglantine Bracken.
• 7 AC: Benedict is made a page of his uncle, Ser Wyl Bracken.
• 9 AC: He is made a squire of Ser Wyl, alongside his cousin, Walton.
• 18 AC: The Riverwar. Walton is killed, Ned is knighted.
• 19 AC: Ned travels to various tourneys beside his kin.
• 23 AC: Ned joins the Kingsguard at his uncle's behest. He is sent to Highwatch.
• 25 AC: Present Day.

Long story short, I made an entire army list based on the Kislev roaster from the Total war games. It's probably very badly balanced, so enjoy.
Disclaimer : I haven't played a single game of the Old World. Feel free to tell me how bad it is, how bad my english is, and please have fun.
Link to the google doc
Tldr, we have :
Boyard, Ice witches and Patriarchs as lords (1 per 1000 points) Druzhina, Ice maidens and Priests as heroes
Core : Kossars (at least one unit per 1000 points, versatile and lots of options), Dervishes (light cavalry), Winged lancers (heavy cavalry), Kislev peasants (cheap)
Special : Gryphon legion (superior winged lancers), Tzar guard (line holders), Ice guard (ice witch from wish), Warsled (only one type, I have limits), Mounted kossar (okay, they are not in the game, but I like the idea of mounted kossars firing pistols as they charge)
Rare : Warbear riders (cause of course they are here), Little Grom (cause f#@k them, that's why) and Elemental bear (big boy)
Mount options : Warhorse, Barded warhorse, Warbear and Warsled.
have fun tearing it appart, I'm gonna sleep soon anyway.

This is a relationship question, but I'm posting here because 1) this sub offers high quality feedback, and 2) I'm hoping for feedback that is realistic given my extremely narrow bandwidth as a busy working mom.
TLDR: My husband says I've been cold, uncaring, and overly critical of him since having kids, and I need help figuring out how to do better in the short term to help while we address other issues in the relationship.
My marriage is at a breaking point, but I would like to save it. We both have demanding jobs, with a 2 year old, a 4 year old, and his 16 year old from his first marriage who lives with us. I guess I've sort of shut down in my marriage since my 4 year old was born. I feel like mothering my 4 year old and 2 year old is my purpose in life, plus I have to work. I let a lot of resentment build up with my husband over issues like what he contributes to our family's livelihood, how he (doesn't) parent the 16 year old, how he uses harsh discipline with the little kids, etc. I've recently started therapy, and I've started mentioning couples therapy to him. I have ideas about other strategies on some of these issues, such as taking a parenting class or listening to a podcast or something to try to get on the same page.
Where I'm stuck is that my husband says he feels like I haven't been interested in or cared about him in a long time. He feels like I only give him negative feedback and act like he is an impediment in the life I want to live. There is probably some truth in that. I haven't felt very loving, attracted to, or affectionate toward him in quite awhile. I've definitely felt like we've been in the "roommates taking care of kids" phase for awhile, and I've definitely felt detached and resentful. I think he's considering divorce and I want to show him that we can work through this, but it's hard given this context. I don't know how to start taking steps to reassure him that I care about him in the short term. Maybe that's odd, but I guess I'm not a very warm or affectionate person by nature, and given the overall state of our relationship any ideas I've had would feel inauthentic. But I feel like there has to be a way to fix this...

The other time I started to think that the vision that a person has of someone who is 17y and someone who is 18y is completely different. Although legally things change a lot, people think that someone who turns 18 is already a responsible adult even if they still don't have any work experience (most of the time). And it goes to the extreme side when knowing that there are 18 years old adult actresses who can do everything, even with people many years older than them. everything without limits because they are already supposed to be "older"... I feel that the gap of what is allowed when passing from one age to another is so great, I would not automatically consider a person an adult when they turn 18. Although a person is already somewhat mature at that age, the brain has not yet finished developing and they must already make big decisions about what they are going to be in life. It even seems sick to me to know that there are much older people who wait for someone to turn 18, as if that would stop being a taboo. and they take advantage of it. What do you think?
Sorry for my bad English.

I'm 25 years old man from Ukraine. My english level around B2-C1. I do not chat, I prefer calls. I'm looking only for a native speaker from US (no offense) I want to improve my pronunciation. I can help you to start speak Russian or Ukrainian

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So this is something I have thought for a while, and began building a hypothesis for it roughly three years ago. To summarize for those not interested in the details I believe the reasoning the tree of knowledge, and its counter parts within other religions were off limits to humans other than it is knowledge unwanted/unneeded; is that it was a trinity. The three parts that would make this up are religion,philosophy, and science. To clarify and specify I will give differing examples as to why I came to this conclusion.
The first thing that made me think of this was the interchangeable aspects, as well as the balancing of these three. Religious beliefs are what filled the ancient times, and allowed for the first steps of science to flourish. A good example is Egyptian building techniques they had were given to them by the God thoth. Due to its sacred attachments it was able to survive as a form of study scientist use to this day. Now turning towards the interconnectedness of philosophy with religion an example can be; in one of the earliest religious sites is dedicated to that of skulls and the nature of death. The religion itself doesn't have much knowledge other than the age old testament of why we die, but its still a profound question we ask ourselves to this day. You can take this same method of interconnectedness in reversal with the other two forms of knowledge being compared to the others. Now the contrasting factors are just as interesting. Such as the inability for a comprehensive understanding of miracles through the scientific lense. There are examples of this "mockery," being there as a core part of our being in all three forms of study as well. With that we will start with the examples within science.
We must first discuss the beginning of our existence as science describes, in an instantaneous expansion/expulsion of energy we gained space, time, and matter as a result. Now in order for any researcher to make a proper conclusion and or factual statement they must be able apply these three elements to their work. They must use a means of recording the information aka time. They must provide a place in which this experiment occured aka space finally; they must use the effects of physical objects, actions, and or numerical data to provide evidence. There are also examples of its interconnectedness to the other two despite oppositional standings. One such example is that; rituals such as bloodletting, ripping of hearts out, mummification, and potion making allowed for the transcendence of medicine, anatomy, and many more medical practices. Another example, but for philosophy is; when we used philosophy as a means to question the commonly believed scientific practices of multiple eras including the present. This allows/ed for the progression of ethics within the medical field, as well as create fields such as psychology. In essence science is the raw form of "mind," within our trinity; the physical representation of what can not be deciphered by the other two methods.
The next of the three we will delve into is that of philosophy. Philosophy has its connections within the other two methods of knowledge in a multitude if not the most ways out of the three. The following examples are just a few that I have chosen. One great example not yet discussed is; science, and its impact upon the understanding of the cosmos has made the philosophical question of "are we alone," and "what's my significance within it all." Another example but that of religious connectivity is the rise and fall of religions themselves. The best example is the change of pantheism into monotheism, the idea that; if there is a being of higher status, power, wisdom, intelligence etc. than others of its kind are the others truly within the same class or even the same kind of being. Philosophy in itself has trinities within their study as the other two do. One example is the Greek philosopher Pythagoras believed that the number 3 was the most significant number as it was that of perfection and represented harmony wisdom and understanding. In its representations philosophy can be Interpreted as the embodiment of " heart, " within the trinity; as it is what bridges the two methods with greatest disparity, and makes one think insightful as well as outwardly speak beyond the confines of scientific, and spiritual traditions.
The third representation of this " mocked ," trinity we have carved into the very code of our being is religion. Despite the contradictions religious, and scientific consensus there is over arching connections that can not be denied. One such example of their intertwining relationship is that of cosmic and mathematical studies. As mentioned before the Egyptians believed they gained their ability to use math from the God thoth, bit the belief isn't sufficient evidence for their true connection through math, and astrology. The mapping of celestial bodies were due to their relations with yhe divine such as their place of origin, the heavens, or even the physical embodiment of the gods themselves such of the planetary system and its connection with the Roman pantheon. Religion is also responsible for humanities and consequently sciences grasp of time and the recording of it. A great example is that ancient people would base their rituals around the natural rhythm of differing seasons, spacial phenomeno, and that of recording important cultural events. The impact of religion onto science is deep just as the other way around but their bridging partner philosophy; has very intimate connections as well. Though tons of examples are present for the twos intertwined relations a few examples are; that along of philosophers would use their religious beliefs to help shape, and nurture their philosophical ideals. It was also religion that began our want and urge to began asking ourselves what our origins are, what is our purpose as a species etc. Religion and its position within this " mockery ," could be best described as the soul of our markings. Though it is the most criticized part of knowledge for its lack of " evidence ," just like that of souls themselves. It still holds reverence and importance as without it we as humanity would've never asked ourselves those first important questions of internal insight as well as; did those physical rituals allowing for the progression into the many sciences' we have today.Throughout this I have quoted, and maintained this finding as a " mockery ," and there are many contradictions within the studies of the three themselves; this I will explain the reasoning behind in the following paragraph.
The term mockery as I use it; is the expression not of negative means such as we intend to offend anything such as a creator or ourselves as a species. In this sense the term is applied due to the very contradictions and disparities between the three. The three following tend to have arguments and disagreements within the studies; typically this discrepancy is the action cause by the want for truth. There are also fundamental contradictions as well such as; the process in which one conducts their actions in life, and the way in which one may perceive or be influenced within their daily ongoings. However; at the core without each of these three being accessible to humanity there would've been no virtual, or actual progression within our species. The reasoning it is a mockery rather than a true trinity is through the very definition of opposition the three have. A true trinity would be that of perfect balance however; due to all the differing factors said prior and the elements not seamlessly falling into one another there is an imbalance one that can sway what a humans progression through life may be.
In conclusion it's this authors opinion that we have a trinity one that is a mere mockery of what the truth we all are ferociously debating amongst ourselves is. until we are able to come to that one universal consensus we will be plagued with this mark of knowledge and its endless sea of questions.

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I am on a journey of figuring out why my brain works the way it does and what I can do to live an actual life. I am fairly certain that I have issues with ADHD and I’m even more certain now considering I’m fairly certain that one of my parents has it, but there is also autism in the extended family and my mother deals with some learning disabilities as well as some traits that could come as a more “high functioning” (I am fully aware that this is not the term that is preferred, but genuinely cannot think of a better term at the moment, as I’m not fully sure I would contribute her behavior as possibly high masking. I promise I also do not agree with this phrasing as somebody who has dealt with mental health issues, my entire life.)
I was considered a gifted kid, even though I was super shy and quiet throughout school, which was summed up to social anxiety by my teachers and parents. Looking through my old report cards, trying to find some notes from teachers or a pattern in grades or test scores I found that all of my teachers would report on how well-behaved I was and quiet.
My mother said that I was able to read before kindergarten, however, my kindergarten teacher at the time of beginning kindergarten reported that I was below where I should be in regards to naming letters and sounds.
In first grade, I struggled with reading, but also had a teacher report that I showed talent in language arts.
In second grade, I seemed to do pretty well in math (which didn’t feel true at the time) and according to the Stanford achievement test I took at age 7, Seem to range more in the 90th percentile when it came to reading and literary subjects.
In third grade, I scored at level five in my reading on the FCC. My score was 2004 compared to the grade level 1198. For math I was level four with a score of 1689, with the grade level score being 1269. I made bees and language arts and A’s in reading. Overall, I was meeting grade level expectations as far as classes went though.
I got into honors classes in middle school and because I had already gotten my first English credit, I was in advanced starting in high school. By the time I was a sophomore I had a become able to do virtual school because at this point, in middle school I had missed so much school and constantly did not want to go to school for reasons I can only assume involved my social anxiety, but I have fully dissociated so I don’t really remember.
What are your experiences in school and being considered a “gifted child?” Did you excel from the beginning and falter later in school or have you stayed excelling, or did you excel in the middle of your school career and then drop back down? I would love to hear your experiences better education is at all correlated with the experience if somebody in this community.

Prologue

Hello and welcome to my post. I will subdivide this into two large parts. One will cover my thoughts, feelings, my hopes and dreams...While the other will tell you the specifics of how I pass the time, what topics interest me, what passions do I posses. I believe that at the end of this leap into my inner world, you dear reader, will have all the necessary information to judge whether we are compatible or not.

Part I
I am writing this in the hopes of finding something that I lack. Lately I have had this feeling, this tinge of melancholy within the dephts of my being, this yearning to find a kindred spirit, another Soul, much like mine, to form a bond with. Perhaps Loneliness is the right word for what is bothering me, but to use it seems to carry with it a connotation of ungratefulness. Ungratefulness for the people that I do have in my life, although none of them, of course, have the connection to me that I seek here.

I have found it increasingly necessary to seek in this Life a sort of purity of thought. What I mean is, I have began to undestand what ideas and concepts are ultimately compatible with my inner most Self, ergo what guidelines I have to follow to feel the most whole. Naturally I have likewise realised what I cannot add to my Self and what I will henceforth reject with all the power that I posses.

With this new context in mind, I now follow on the path of self improvement. I will now begin to mold my Self into my perfected idea of how the Self should be. This is certainly a significant undertaking, one that will not be easy to follow through on but one that I ultimately have to do. To me such context is essential. It is akin to a Guiding Star shining in the night. I will follow this Star for without it I am lost in the vast Darkness.

Looking back at my life, it was suboptimal, especially if one compares the way it molded me to how I will now mold myself. I suppose I must look on with a hint of regret at all that time which one might consider to be lost. Still... I try to stave off such decisively negative interpretations, after all, I have ultimately came to these conclusions. That means that somewhere along the line I had to have picked up on enough of such ideas for them to become so cemented in my consciousness. Well, either that or I was always like this, but in that case I can at least thank my life up to this point for not being able to supress such manifestations of my inner most Self.

To add to the topic of my life, I must admit that not all the battles have yet been won, not all the Demons vanquished, not every Mountain climbed. I want you to keep such things in mind when deciding whether or not to approach me. Many will shy away, I undestand that much, but the pursuit of true Companionship is just another such battle. Having said all that I do believe that being able to overcome hurdles together carries with it a certain appeal. That is to say, what's the fun in joining once the Game is already over?

I don't shy away from such challenges, perhaps to a fault. Certain troubles that I faced in the past carry with them a long shadow over my current health and well being. Still, I intend to change little in this regard other than the proficiency with which I will clash the current of my Will against the cliffs of Life.
Part II
In this part of my post I will tell you about my interests and hobbies, I will try to be thorough, commonality in this regard is rather important to build a relationship
History. I have had an interest in history for almost a decade now, it started back in school and developed from there. Well, now that I think about it one could argue that it started even earlier in my life as I liked watching the odd historic documentary or film aired on television but it wasn't regular back then, I never actively sought it out. I am mostly interested in European history in the period between the 18th-20th century but I sometimes branch out to other time periods and other parts of the world. I watch various channels related to history and read articles and sometimes books. I have recently got a few books on the German revolution of 1848/1849 and a historical magazine on the Thirty Years' War. Besides that I try to visit museums sometimes.
Literature. Especially old novels. I like to immerse myself in the Worlds of these books, I tend to read them while listening to thematically fitting music and take my time with them. One time you are following a troubled Youth in his quest for spiritual understanding of the world, another you see the aged and decrepit Doctor gambling his very Soul on the promises of abtaining satisfaction in earthy pleasures, then again your olfaction notices the most pleasant scent known to man even as the one eminating it has the appearance of a revolting Frog. These and many other stories open up to you once you decide to set foot into the literary World.
Languages. I know three, with one being a bit rusty. I am currently working intently on strengthening it. I believe that if I continue to apply myself in this regard then I should be able to finally conquer it. What language am I working on? Well, if you were to stack all the major works in it they would be as tall as a house... It is fun to go through different works in multiple languages, the same goes for film, games and such.
Games. I recently played Cyberpunk 2077. Well as recently as I played any major story centric game. Now that the dust has settled and the bugs mostly removed...It's not that bad. The main questline at least. Besides that I tried Fallout 76 (Very average, I'm dissapointed with what they made the "RPG" system) and I might give Deus Ex Manking Divided another spin (since it's somewhat similar to Cyberpunk when it comes to its aesthetics). Dark Souls is one of my favorite series, I still haven't beaten Elden Ring though. When it came out I wasn't in the right mindset to invest a hundred hours into it, with all those bosses and difficult locations. I think I'll only consider playing it if I am streaming it to someone. I am generally interested in either streaming games or having the person I am talking to stream them to me. To be specific I mean streaming to a single person while being on call. Besides that I'm a big fan of Paradox strategy games, especially Europa Universalis IV and Heats of Iron IV, I tend to only play single player since I find multiplayer with many people to be rather stressful but on the other hand I have nothing against a co-op game. I'm not the best player though, despite the ammount of hours I have in them. Another great game I would mention would be Dragon's Dogma. A very underrated RPG. I recently beat it again and it was an atmospheric and interesting experience. It is one of those games that feel like they have an endless ammount of depth and constant new secrets to discover.
Anime and Manga. In recent times my interest in them has waned but I still watch the occasional series here and there. Like Cyberpunk Edgerunners (Which I found to be rather mediocre) and the very good first season from the new arc of Bleach. Some of my favourite series include: Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Death Note, Fate;Zero, Psycho Pass, Code Geass and Attack on Titan. I wouldn't mind if you were to introduce me to some new series, maybe based on the ones I mentioned. My favourite Manga is Berserk which I still follow, althought I am still not certain on the direction that the new author is taking. I suppose it really is a matter of contention whether a somewhat (or considerably warped) vision is better than an unfinished work. One could argue that a few novels remain unfinished and possess a macabre appeal to them as such.
Music. Classical music has a very special place in my heart. A few of my favourite pieces would be: Clair de Lune, Nocturne Op. 9 No.2, Devil's Trill Sonata, Danse Macabre, Valse Sentimentale, Symphony No. 7 in A Major, Op. 92: II. Alegreto (by Beethoven) and Suite from Swan Lake, Op. 20a: I. Scene. Moderato. There are more but these ones always invoke something in me when I listen to them. Besides Classical I also enjoy listening to Synthwave, old Western pop and J-pop, both modern and from the 20th century.
Esotericism. I am interested in things spiritual, mystical, magical and esoteric. I have read religios texts, magical grimoires, introductions to various schools of thought. It is interesting to me.
Epilogue
Hopefully I was able to cast the spotlight upon my inner World in a clear and unequivocal manner. I feel the need to add to the aforementioned that I am rather introverted, which means that I tend to dislike large social gatherings. I managed to condition myself to be able to endure the presense of large groups of people but it isn't something that I would seek out in most cases. Besides that I am neurodivergent and suffer from certain issues with mental health. I have to take medication to keep myself under control. They work well enough but certain days are harder than others. I respect the struggle that others have with mental health but in the context of a relationship I have my limits, no one with BDP for instance. I am also not looking for anything casual. I understand than one cannot demand depth and meaning from a conversation with an absolute stranger, that is akin to trying to build a sand castle right before the waves strike but I ask at least that you enter with a mindset that this might become something of significance. I also do want to say that I am completely Monogamous. My preference? The sickly, pale, intellectual who watches rain droplets slide down the window in Autumn. Lastly, if I enjoy the company of a person I tend to not want to let them go.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and have a good day. I ask that you send a DM instead of a chat and that you give your thoughts on my title in the opening of your message.
Goodbye...Or perhaps untill we meet again

I am on a journey of figuring out why my brain works the way it does and what I can do to live an actual life. I am fairly certain that I have issues with masking ADHD and am looking over ASD.
I was considered a gifted kid, even though I was super shy and quiet throughout school, which was summed up to social anxiety by my teachers and parents. Looking through my old report cards, trying to find some notes from teachers or a pattern in grades or test scores I found that all of my teachers would report on how well-behaved I was and quiet.
My mother said that I was able to read before kindergarten, however, my kindergarten teacher at the time of beginning kindergarten reported that I was below where I should be in regards to naming letters and sounds.
In first grade, I struggled with reading, but also had a teacher report that I showed talent in language arts.
In second grade, I seemed to do pretty well in math (which didn’t feel true at the time) and according to the Stanford achievement test I took at age 7, Seem to range more in the 90th percentile when it came to reading and literary subjects.
In third grade, I scored at level five in my reading on the FCC. My score was 2004 compared to the grade level 1198. For math I was level four with a score of 1689, with the grade level score being 1269. I made bees and language arts and A’s in reading. Overall, I was meeting grade level expectations as far as classes went though.
I got into honors classes in middle school and because I had already gotten my first English credit, I was in advanced starting in high school. By the time I was a sophomore I had a become able to do virtual school because at this point, in middle school I had missed so much school and constantly did not want to go to school for reasons I can only assume involved my social anxiety, but I have fully dissociated so I don’t really remember.
What are your experiences in school and being considered a “gifted child?” Did you excel from the beginning and falter later in school or have you stayed excelling, or did you excel in the middle of your school career and then drop back down? I would love to hear your experiences better education is at all correlated with the experience if somebody in this community.

This sub helped a lot in planning for our trip to Paris with our 6 year old twins. I thought I'd share my experience in case it woudl be helpful for others.
We booked an apartment in the 14th, away from the busier city center, but still easy to access much of the city; within 30 minutes by metro. A friend used to live nearby so I was familiar with the neighborhood and new it would be a good place for the kids, with lots of parks within walking distance. It was a lot cheaper than something similar in a more central neighborhood and met our needs nicely.
Our general plan was not to try to pack too much in to any given day. We passed on the museums this trip and focussed more on seeing the city and eating out.
We mostly ate near the apartment, except for lunches. Breakfast each day was at a bakery nearby. We found one we all enjoyed, that had a lovely terrace and went back daily.
Highlights:

• Our son loves soccer. We carried a ball in a backpack everywhere we went. He got to play soccer with lots of local kids and had an absolute blast.
• Our daughter loves sweets. She enjoyed dessert with every meal and looking into the bakeries around the city. Pistachio eclairs were her favorite.
• We had lunch at Chalet des Iles at the Bois de Boulogne and at the restaurant in the Jardin de Plantes. Both had kids menus and food that was a step up for the us.
• My daughter asking me to dance with her on the steps of the Sacre Coure. My heart melted.
• Jardin d'Acclimation. We all enjoyed it more than Disney. Way cheaper, easier to get to and tastier food options.
• Lunch at Le Plomb du Cantal - Truffade is one of my favorite foods :)
• Date night - We have a friend that lives locally that watched the kids one night.

What worked well for us:

• Lots of park time! If we went to see something that the kids weren't as interested in, we followed it up with some park time. Some mornings or afternoons, we just hung out at the park. We picked up some baked goods, a sandwhich or salad, got a coffee and chilled in a beautiful park, drinking nice coffee and having wonderful snacks.
• Taking it super slow. We let the kids sleep in (they woke up around 8:30).
• Our French is very rudimentary. Hellos, thank yous, pleases and a handful of phrases. We taught the kids to say a few things as well. Most people quickly switched to English. Everyone was extremely welcoming.
• Quick dinners with the kids. After a long day out, we ate early most nights and got the kids to bed close to their normal bed times.
• Every restaurant had a limited kids menu. Sometimes just one or two options. One of the kids will eat anything and loves trying new foods. The other is super picky. They both did very well. Sometimes we ordered a few items a la carte if the kids menu didn't fit their tastes. At home we have them eat what we do, so they get used to a variety, we were far less strict on the trip and let them choose what sounded good to them. They loved that part!
• Train rides everywhere. They enjoyed the experience of riding the metro and RER.
• Navigo Decouverte passes for everyone made travel around the region super simple and cost effective
• Sketchbooks and crayons in the backpack to keep the kids busy at restaurants. They enjoy eating out but max out at about an hour. Many meals took longer than that and having somethign to do heped a lot.
• Cheese from the farmers market: I got a freezer bag from Picard to bring back some amazing cheeses.

Things that we did that the kids didn't really enjoy:

• The Eiffel Tower - The lines were long. We reserved tickets and it still took us about 70 minutes to get to the elevator. The kids didn't care much about the view, though we enjoyed it.
• Beataux Mouche - I thought it would be a hit. But it was a total bust for the kids.

We'd been to Paris before and didn't feel the need to try to see much. Our goal was for the kids to see a bit of the world that is different than our US suburb, try some new foods and hopefully instill a love of travel in them. The kids absolutely loved it and we so enjoyed watching them enjoy the trip.

WIBTAH if I stop being friends with my BFF?
I'm wondering if we've drifted too far apart now. Or if I'm being a judgement B and shouldn't let these things get in the way of us being friends.
I've (mid 30s F) been BFF with my BFF (f)since we were 15. We're now in our mid thirties. We were extremely close friends. Like sisters. But we've always had different social personalities. Namely that I'm a social butterfly and love going out with people, hosting parties etc. My BFF was always more reserved and not confident around people. She got better at this as she got into her twenties. But still, she's not naturally a social butterfly. Which is fine. She was raised by very strict parents who never taught her to socialise, or even expressed that socializing with other people was a good thing. So I get it.
When she was late twenties, she had a bit of a traumatic experience with a full blown narcissist partner who she fell pregnant with within 3 months of knowing him. He was gone by the time the baby was a year old. But it was a traumatic experience. After this experience, she got REALLY into understanding narcs, spirituality, crystals, the universe, astrology and magic. She now markets herself as a psychic, as someone that gets downloads and vibrations from the universe which help her understand everything about you and your future, and the universes meaning.
But since she's found this interest (which she has turned into a business and solely relies on for income, along with govt benefits), she has changed in personality. I no longer feel a light presence around her. She's quite doom gloomy. She's become extremely unsocial, to the point where she doesn't "waste time" with people who can only do small talk with her instead of deep convos. She say she "doesn't like people".
In my mind, if you say you don't like people, it just looks like a YOU problem and not a THEM problem. IMO she's become extremely reclused and was never great with people. So for self preservation she says she "doesn't like people". I don't massively respect this - her life is extremely small and boring now. But if that's how she wants to live...
The main reasons I think we're drifting is because:

• I don't really understand how her brain works. She does this thing often: Where X happens in her life, this must mean YZ. Essentially, like a lot of people that believe in psychics, if ONE thing happens, she takes it as a sign and then moves forward with all her life decisions based on this one occurrence. It's illogical to me.
  
• she doesn't really think before she speaks. She just says whatever comes to her mind. Now this might just be a ME problem, but I really can't stand people that I can't trust the words of. I don't trust people who just Willy nilly say anything without thinking first. How can you be BFF with someone who's words you cant trust?
  
• she has a very alternative way of life. And again this could just be a ME problem. I was raised by a useless excuse of a mother. Hippy. Never worked. Ever. No money. Horrible to me and my siblings. And so my BFF way of life seems to be quite triggering for me. I've opted for a "normal life". Married, kids, dog etc. May seem boring but after a turbulent childhood, it's true happiness for me. Her way of life is just like my mother's. Living off government benefits in government accomodation, with no real job. Doesnt believe in western medicine until she's dying and the only thing that'll save her is western medicine (hypocritical). Wants to homeschool her poor child who will probably become a hermit like her. No real proper safe job. Having a baby after only knowing someone for 3 months. I just can't understand all of these life decisions.
  
• she kind of has an answer for everything. And gives off that she does no wrong. I have absolutely no issues with being wrong..I'm always happy to put my hands up if wrong. And because of this, I guess I expect other people around me to be able to do the same. I just don't understand why she's so averse to admitting that actually, yeah maybe she could do better there.
  

I also want to be clear I know I'm not perfect, I'm just human. And I'm conscious I've put a list of negative things about BFF here so it can seem quite biased against her. She is a lovely caring person. She's a very good person. I'd also be so sad to not have her in my life. I just don't understand her anymore, and feel like I can't express these concerns to her because like I said, she just doesn't admit any failings.
Please do tell me if IATAH. I have been struggling with this for a while. Idk if it's unfair of me to feel like she's not a good friend to me anymore. She's definitely a DEEP friend. But she's not a friend I can have fun with anymore.
Should I break off the friendship?

I’m feeling pretty low this week for various reasons, but one thing that has made it worse is people constantly misinterpreting my meaning. I am very high masking, and I didn’t discover I was autistic until I was 32. I have spent a long time learning to improve my communication skills, even before I knew I was autistic, but it never seems good enough. No matter how carefully I think through and word things, no matter how many caveats and qualifications I add, and no matter how much I specify that I am *only speaking for myself and nobody else*, I am somehow always wrong and upsetting people. I have tried being concise, and I get misinterpreted. I have tried explaining myself thoroughly in excruciating detail, and I get told I’m “monopolizing the conversation,” “lecturing,” “ranting,” “being condescending,” or just plain old “talking too much.”
And the thing is, nobody *ever* misinterprets what I’m saying as more positive than I intend; they always, ALWAYS interpret my words in the least generous way possible and draw negative conclusions about my character based on their own projections. They do not ask clarifying questions, either. And then I am made responsible for their misinterpretations and projections. Even when I explain that they have misunderstood my message, they don’t care. They interpreted my words in a way that made them feel bad; therefore, it is *my* responsibility to fix their feelings.
And I get it, sometimes we say something that we don’t mean to be hurtful, but it hurts someone’s feelings anyway, and it’s good to apologize because we care about their feelings. That is a good thing. I am not asking for a complete free pass, but at least some graciousness in interpretation. The fact is that there are many things in life that are not inherently offensive or rude; they are just that way because someone interprets them that way. When it happens all the time and folks insist that their interpretation is the *only* correct one, despite what my actual meaning was, it puts me in the “lower” position in a relationship. Always being the one who is wrong and has to apologize leads to unhealthy relationship dynamics and can, frankly, get to a point of being abusive if it’s bad enough. This happens whether or not people know I am autistic. It is especially disappointing when they *do* know, because they refuse to take that into account when they consider the meaning of my words, and they expect me to do *all* the work to bridge the gap instead of meeting me in the middle. They refuse to acknowledge that communication involves two or more people who are equally responsible for making meaning together and put the full responsibility on me.
An example of this from when I was a kid: I was in school and someone would say, “Dang, that test was really hard and I had to study for hours.” My response would be, “Oh, I found that easy and didn’t have to study at all.” In my mind, I was thinking that we are each contributing to the conversation by sharing our experience and that I was just sharing a neutral fact about my experience. The person who hears that reads it as bragging: trying to put them down and put myself in a superior position by flaunting my accomplishments. But that was not at all the intent of what I said; *they* were the one who read all that into it and got their feelings hurt because of the way they chose to interpret what I said. It took me a long, long time to figure out why that upset people, and by the time I did, people had already decided I was an arrogant asshole. I was just trying to connect and participate the best way I knew how.
I recently turned 35, and I am just so fucking tired after a lifetime of this. Very few people seem to really understand me and my intentions. As an adult, I still regularly get ghosted by people who I think I’m on good terms with, and I almost never know why. Even when people tell me that they like hanging out with me, I can’t trust it because they’ll still ghost me soon after. I moved to a new city a bit over two years ago, but I stopped even trying to make friends a year ago because of this. It makes me not even want to bother trying to connect with others anymore even though I do care very deeply about people and having good relationships. *sigh*

Are there places in korea that would let you have a place to stay and feed you in exchange for work? I would like to stay in korea for maybe a year and learn more about the language and culture etc. If you have any suggestions I would like to hear.
also information that might be important: i am 19 years old and speak english and only know basic korean phrases like "my name is ..." and "thank you"
Im currently a college student but i believe it is too expensive to study abroad so if im wrong about or you know any resources that can support that let me know aswell. Thank you!