You've got your sweet mountain bike all set up and ready to hit the trails. But before you go shredding those epic singletrack loops, there are a few key accessories you'll want to have on hand. Proper gear can make the difference between a fun ride and a total bummer of a day. So let's dive into the must-have items to round out your mountain biking kit.

Hydration Pack

Staying hydrated is crucial when you're putting in long hours on the trails. A hydration pack is a backpack designed specifically for mountain bikers and hikers. It has a built-in reservoir that holds water and a drinking tube so you can sip on the go. Most packs hold around 2-3 liters of water, which should get you through a solid 2-3 hour ride. The pack itself has room for snacks, an extra layer, and other gear. CamelBak is one of the biggest names in hydration packs.

Multi-Tool

Unless you want to get stranded trailside with a broken chain or stuck seat post, you'll need a good multi-tool. These compact tools have all the essentials like allen wrenches, screwdrivers, and sometimes even a chain tool. Throw it in your pack and you'll be able to handle basic trailside repairs and adjustments. Brands like Topeak, Crank Brothers, and Park Tool make great options.

Pump

Flats happen to everyone eventually. You'll want to make sure you have either a frame-mounted pump or a pump that fits in your pack. CO2 inflators are another solid option if you want to skip the elbow grease. Quality pumps from companies like Lezyne, Topeak, and Blackburn should get you rolling again without too much of a struggle.

Spare Tube

Having that fresh tube is only half the battle though - you'll also need to pack a spare tube along with tire levers to swap it out when you get that dreaded hiss. Ensure you have the right size and width for your tires. Some riders also stash a spare tubeless valve stem in case theirs gets damaged or gummed up.

Multi-Tool & Tire Plug Kit

For a much quicker flat fix, pick up a plug kit that lets you jam a sticky reusable plug into the hole and get back riding lickety-split. The plugs work decently for smaller punctures in the tread area until you can get a more permanent repair.

First Aid Kit

Mountain biking's not exactly a dangerous sport, but you're still cruising over rough terrain at high speeds. It's smart to have a basic first aid kit with bandages, antiseptic wipes, etc in case you take a spill and need to patch yourself up. Pre-assembled kits from brands like Adventure Medical Kits are a convenient solution.

Protection

Speaking of crashes - elbow and knee pads can be smart armor additions if you tend to push it a little too hard on the gnarly stuff. You can even find trail-certified helmets with extra coverage around the back of the head.

Snacks

Don't underestimate how much energy you'll burn shredding the gnar for hours on end. Trail snacks are essential to stay fueled and powered up. Energy bars, gels, chews, nuts, and jerky are all great compact options to stuff in your pack.

Lights

If your rides tend to stretch into the evening hours, having a good lighting system is pretty key for seeing the trail and being visible to others. Most riders opt for a headlamp and a handlebar-mounted light. Just be sure to pack spare batteries!
There are plenty more optional accessories out there from trail tools to frame bags to spare gear and more. But those key items should cover your bases and ensure you're prepped for whatever the mountain throws your way. Stay safe, have fun, and get out there!

I'm on my 4th day of Stims and this will be our first IVF round. I have PCOS and am currently on 75UI menpur and 75UI follistism. 33 follicles on Friday. I'm having a lot of discomfort and burning pain on my right ovary. My follow-up appointment is in the morning. Should I be worried or is this normal?

I finally published for the first time. Not the first time I've finished a novel, but certainly the first time I have actively published one .. one that I've been a little proud of. I know it's a long process to get noticed, or even start to see some traction in sales & downloads, but how do you go about promoting your novel? I feel like I'm stuck. 😕
Beginning of chapter one below - if anyone would like to provide feedback that would be lovely. 🙂
[2,310] It began like a surreal haze, a fever dream dancing with unknown figures swirling around her like a languid tornado, their movements seemingly slowed by some unseen force as she awoke to a world spinning out of her control. She found herself surrounded by strangers who moved like spectres in a dream, fragmented flashes who assaulted her consciousness - a woman gently pressing a cloth to her throbbing head, another offering sips of water while she coughed and struggled to swallow, a man peering down at her with a furrowed brow, and a mysterious figure lingering in the doorway with an unsettling glint of desire in his eyes.
The room buzzed with a quiet urgency as they hovered around her, their faces etched with concern and something else she couldn't quite place - an undercurrent of tension that seemed to pulse in time with her own racing heart. These disjointed images flitted in and out, creating a mosaic of fragmented reality. Awake, her body throbbed with pain; asleep, she plunged into a black abyss, time slipping away unnoticed. Each awakening brought the desire for oblivion as her mind plunged back into the depths of darkness.
Beth jolted upright, startled by the sharp bang of a car backfiring. A cry of pain escaped her lips as she attempted to sit up, her back and legs resisting her will. A woman, the same from her fleeting visions, hurried into the room with a damp cloth and a glass of water.
"Easy now," the woman spoke gently, her mild Spanish accent adding warmth to her sharp words as she pressed the cloth to Beth's forehead and helped her sit up, "you're weak, rushing won't do you any favours. The sooner you regain strength, the sooner you can move."
A man, the one with the odd expression in her visions, appeared in the doorway once again; "and the sooner we can leave this place, I'm sick of it." He grumbled, striding away with urgency and frustration. His steps were heavy and fraught with agitation, each one seeming to leave a deep imprint on the ground beneath him. His grumbling was like distant thunder, punctuated by the clenching of his jaw and the tightening of his fists.
"Don't mind my brother," the woman interjected sharply, "it's not you - he hates everyone." Hate, Beth pondered, wondering what she might have done to earn his disdain.
"Are you hungry?" The woman stood, walking to the other side of the room to adjust another pillow behind Beth's back. Beth nodded; "I'll get you some soup."
Left alone, Beth surveyed the room - beige walls, a shattered TV, torn brown curtains. She squinted at the notepad on the side table, revealing the branding - Mill Village Motel Eatonville. The coffee pod machine at the room's far end, covered in dust, hinted at a neglected past.
"You're awake," startled, Beth turned to find the man with the furrowed brow at the door - tall and dark, with piercing brown eyes, he appeared softer now, "how are you feeling?" Beth managed a brief smile before adjusting herself, wincing in pain. He rushed to offer a hand, and she took his arm to shift as he adjusted the pillow.
"Want to give walking a try?" The man's warm, brown eyes crinkled at the edges as he smiled down at her, his features etched with concern, his furrowed brow now smooth and his brown eyes sparkled with an unfamiliar kindness.
She shook her head, and the woman returned with soup and water; "she needs to eat before attempting to walk, Austin," she said, setting the tray before Beth.
"Then we'll try again tomorrow," Austin expressed, heading towards the door, "the sooner we leave, the better - we've been here for too long." His footsteps echoed with determination and authority, less frustrated than the other man's but equally resolute.
"I apologise if it's cold. Heating options are limited here. Need a hand?" The woman offered. Beth shook her head, the pounding of her headache resonating through her body.
"Well I'll leave you to it then. Shout out if you need anything, if you can talk at all." Beth glanced down at her bowl of soup, parting her lips as if to speak, but no words escaped. A deep sigh escaped from the woman's mouth as she turned and left the room, leaving Beth alone with her cold, untouched meal. The silence in the room was deafening, broken only by the sound of muffed chatter outside.
The days stretched longer as Beth's need for rest diminished. Boredom and confusion settled in, intensifying as the people from her visions became tangible presences, moving in and out of her room. They attended to her needs but seldom engaged in conversation. At night, their muffled voices in the adjoining room became a distant comfort, and the faint echoes of their arguments a source of intrigue.
"We need to leave," a frustrated male voice pierced through the thin walls, "we have to head further south before winter traps us with little supplies and an extra mouth to feed - considering you're all so intent on keeping this girl alive."
"This woman," a familiar female voice retorted, likely the one who had been caring for her, "needed help - I distinctly remember a time when I wasn't doing well and needed it too."
"You're my sister, of course, I wasn't going to leave you behind."
"I'm not talking about you, Luis," she yelled, "I'm talking about before you came back from Minnesota and found me."
"Why can't we just leave her here with some supplies and a gun. Why do we need to bring her with us?"
"Jesus Christ Luis we're not leaving her here alone and you two can have it out later," intervened another man, "but Luis is right - we need to leave before the snow settles in."
The argument faded into muffled voices again, and Beth strained to catch the words exchanged between the trio. A knock at the door startled her.
"May I come in?" A young girl, the same from her visions, had opened the door quietly without her even noticing. "I thought the yelling might have woken you." Beth nodded, maintaining her silence.
"I'm Chantelle." Her soft Southern accent flowed like a gentle breeze through a cornfield. She pulled up a chair beside the bed. "Luis can get into it with everybody, but he means well. Well, no, that's a lie. I don't know why I said that. He's a dick."
"I gathered," Beth whispered and laughed a little, suddenly overtaken by a violent cough.
Chantelle rushed to hand her water; "so, you do speak. From the way Austin and Val were sayin' it, it sounded like you were mute. I thought, you couldn't be deaf because you've been nodding and smiling like a dang puppet."
Beth laughed and took another sip; "I didn't really have anything worth saying until now. No one has bothered to make conversation."
"Your accent, where are you from?" Chantelle sat down on the wooden chair, her long dark hair cascading down her back in gentle curls. Her bright brown eyes sparkled with kindness as she looked towards Beth.
"Australia," Beth paused, realising she hadn't thought about home for a while, "I'm from Australia," she repeated.
Chantelle pulled out a deck of cards; "well, I figured you might be bored and needed a little human interaction that didn't make you feel like you were in a hospital."
Beth's eyes lit up, and Chantelle smiled; "what do you want to play?"
— — —
"What do you think you are doing?" Austin stormed into the motel room.
"We're leaving. Today," Luis' words cut through the air.
"The van's still in bad shape, and we won't survive this winter on foot." Austin's arms were folded tightly across his chest, the muscles in his biceps and forearms bulging with tension. His jaw was clenched, and his brows furrowed in frustration.
"Then fix the damn van!" Luis yelled, the sound piercing through the walls and resonating outside the motel room for others to hear the heated exchange.
"Oh, sorry, I'll just take it down the road to the mechanic, shall I?" Austin raised a quizzical eyebrow, smirking at his friend. The men paused their argument, exchanging laughter.
"Luis, what's going on with you?" Austin softened his tone, taking a seat on the other bed. "We've been friends since high school, grew up together, served in the army together. This isn't you."
"I don't know, man." Luis sat on the other bed, facing his friend, his face buried in his hands. He rubbed his face hard, threw his head back, and sighed heavily. "This just isn't—" he paused.
"Isn't what?"
"Isn't life." Luis gestured around the room.
"We'll get to the coast, find a boat, just like we planned." There was a slight taste of bitterness in the air, as if Austin's mild frustration was tangible.
"And then what?"
"Do the best we can," Austin stood up, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder, "we all have our dark moments, brother. You helped me get through mine, I'll help you get through yours."
Austin walked out of the motel room into the crisp morning air. The atmosphere was fresh, with a subtle scent of dew and grass. The sweet aroma of winter's imminent arrival filled the air, mingling with the faint scent of burning oil from their broken down van across the parking lot.
"Ben thinks he can fix the van by tomorrow. He found the parts we need on the other side of town." Val caught Austin as he had walked outside.
"He went scouting alone?" Austin looked across the lot at Ben, deep into the hood of the black church van they had found a while back.
Chantelle bounded up before she could answer; "Beth seems much better today. She's eatin' and drinkin' more. I think she could try walkin' today."
"Beth?" Val and Austin remarked in unison.
"Mmm, she speaks - she might have a lot more to say if either of you bothered to converse with her instead of just talkin' to her." She walked off towards Ben, a light air in her hopeful stride.
— — —
Austin found Beth sitting on the edge of her bed, her feet bare and dangling idly over the side. Her toes were curled, squeezing them tightly as she wiggled them back and forth. Her face was tense with concentration as she tried to alleviate the tingling sensation in her feet.
"Beth." His voice was soothing and calming, his words spoken with a gentle tone as he tried to ease Beth's discomfort.
"Chantelle?" She looked up at him, as he nodded, smiling gently. "She's a good kid." She smiled and looked back at her toes.
"Do you want to try walking today?" He walked towards the chair on the other side of the room and sat down as it creaked underneath the weight of him.
"The sooner I can walk, the sooner you can get out of here." She said with a sarcastic air, mocking Luis.
"The sooner we can get out of here." He repeated sarcastically with a smile, a light spread of jest washing over him as he joined her in mocking his friend.
"Your friend Luis seems to be very against bringing me along with you." She looked back at him.
"I'm not in the business of leaving people behind. Especially in Washington in the middle of October," he sat forward, leaning his elbows on his knees, "you wouldn't survive the winter."
"Then maybe you should have just left me to die." She turned her body to face him abruptly. He opened his mouth to speak, but she interjected before he could respond.
"Why did you help me? You don't know me, why did you even bother?"
"Like I said, Beth," he stood up, his wistful tone switching back to cold and dry, "I'm not in the business of leaving people behind." He walked over to her slowly.
"I've lost too many people. I've watched people kill others over a can of soup. I've seen friends leave friends behind to save themselves," he sat down on the end of her bed, "I don't leave people behind."
His brown eyes cut through his words like a thunderstorm. She looked at his face, tired and weathered from sleepless nights with one eye open to ensure his group's safety. She pegged him as their leader - strong and determined with clear military training.
"What happened to you?" She asked softly.
"What happened to you?" He countered; "I refuse to believe you survived a pandemic alone for six months in a foreign country."
She said nothing and looked back at her feet. They sat in silence for a while before he stood up and headed for the door.
"We're leaving the day after tomorrow. We need to head south before it's too cold, and we don't know how long the van or the car will last, so part of that might be on foot."
"I'll try walking today." Beth nodded obediently.
"I'll send Val and Chantelle in to help you." He replied, his voice maintaining the cold cadency.
"Thank you." She smiled, wriggling her toes as the numbness started to dissipate. Before he could leave, she looked up at him again.
"Austin?" He stopped at the door and turned to her. "I know you've all done a lot for me, including putting your friendship with Luis on the line, so thank you. But I have a favour to ask," her voice grew quiet, "before we leave."
"What is it?" He asked sternly at her audacity to ask for another favour.
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. He noticed her green eyes glisten with the added layer of acridity and the change in her demeanour; "before we leave, I need you to help me bury my husband."

I'm 33 F with knee swelling/pain and lateral thigh pain. I had an injury from soccer in 2007 but they never fully diagnosed it, something with my IT band. I had an xray done about a year ago that was negative for anything bone-related. I take no medications, I have no history of anything other than this problem with my knee.
The past few days I've been having swelling around my knee cap. I'm an ultrasound tech, so I scanned it, and there's a big complex cyst across the front of my knee which I think is prepatellar bursitis (live imaging I did: https://imgur.com/a/znl8m4c )... Now all of a sudden, I have pain along the lateral aspect of my thigh, so I'm walking with a limp. I don't have redness, warmth or fever, so I don't think it's infected.
I have no health insurance until June 3rd, and it'll take me a while to get an appointment most likely. What can I do in the meantime to diminish the swelling/pain?

I finally published for the first time. Not the first time I've finished a novel, but certainly the first time I have actively published one .. one that I've been a little proud of. I know it's a long process to get noticed, or even start to see some traction in sales & downloads, but how do you go about promoting your novel? I feel like I'm stuck. 😕
Beginning of chapter one below - if anyone would like to provide feedback that would be lovely. 🙂
[2,310] It began like a surreal haze, a fever dream dancing with unknown figures swirling around her like a languid tornado, their movements seemingly slowed by some unseen force as she awoke to a world spinning out of her control. She found herself surrounded by strangers who moved like spectres in a dream, fragmented flashes who assaulted her consciousness - a woman gently pressing a cloth to her throbbing head, another offering sips of water while she coughed and struggled to swallow, a man peering down at her with a furrowed brow, and a mysterious figure lingering in the doorway with an unsettling glint of desire in his eyes.
The room buzzed with a quiet urgency as they hovered around her, their faces etched with concern and something else she couldn't quite place - an undercurrent of tension that seemed to pulse in time with her own racing heart. These disjointed images flitted in and out, creating a mosaic of fragmented reality. Awake, her body throbbed with pain; asleep, she plunged into a black abyss, time slipping away unnoticed. Each awakening brought the desire for oblivion as her mind plunged back into the depths of darkness.
Beth jolted upright, startled by the sharp bang of a car backfiring. A cry of pain escaped her lips as she attempted to sit up, her back and legs resisting her will. A woman, the same from her fleeting visions, hurried into the room with a damp cloth and a glass of water.
"Easy now," the woman spoke gently, her mild Spanish accent adding warmth to her sharp words as she pressed the cloth to Beth's forehead and helped her sit up, "you're weak, rushing won't do you any favours. The sooner you regain strength, the sooner you can move."
A man, the one with the odd expression in her visions, appeared in the doorway once again; "and the sooner we can leave this place, I'm sick of it." He grumbled, striding away with urgency and frustration. His steps were heavy and fraught with agitation, each one seeming to leave a deep imprint on the ground beneath him. His grumbling was like distant thunder, punctuated by the clenching of his jaw and the tightening of his fists.
"Don't mind my brother," the woman interjected sharply, "it's not you - he hates everyone." Hate, Beth pondered, wondering what she might have done to earn his disdain.
"Are you hungry?" The woman stood, walking to the other side of the room to adjust another pillow behind Beth's back. Beth nodded; "I'll get you some soup."
Left alone, Beth surveyed the room - beige walls, a shattered TV, torn brown curtains. She squinted at the notepad on the side table, revealing the branding - Mill Village Motel Eatonville. The coffee pod machine at the room's far end, covered in dust, hinted at a neglected past.
"You're awake," startled, Beth turned to find the man with the furrowed brow at the door - tall and dark, with piercing brown eyes, he appeared softer now, "how are you feeling?" Beth managed a brief smile before adjusting herself, wincing in pain. He rushed to offer a hand, and she took his arm to shift as he adjusted the pillow.
"Want to give walking a try?" The man's warm, brown eyes crinkled at the edges as he smiled down at her, his features etched with concern, his furrowed brow now smooth and his brown eyes sparkled with an unfamiliar kindness.
She shook her head, and the woman returned with soup and water; "she needs to eat before attempting to walk, Austin," she said, setting the tray before Beth.
"Then we'll try again tomorrow," Austin expressed, heading towards the door, "the sooner we leave, the better - we've been here for too long." His footsteps echoed with determination and authority, less frustrated than the other man's but equally resolute.
"I apologise if it's cold. Heating options are limited here. Need a hand?" The woman offered. Beth shook her head, the pounding of her headache resonating through her body.
"Well I'll leave you to it then. Shout out if you need anything, if you can talk at all." Beth glanced down at her bowl of soup, parting her lips as if to speak, but no words escaped. A deep sigh escaped from the woman's mouth as she turned and left the room, leaving Beth alone with her cold, untouched meal. The silence in the room was deafening, broken only by the sound of muffed chatter outside.
The days stretched longer as Beth's need for rest diminished. Boredom and confusion settled in, intensifying as the people from her visions became tangible presences, moving in and out of her room. They attended to her needs but seldom engaged in conversation. At night, their muffled voices in the adjoining room became a distant comfort, and the faint echoes of their arguments a source of intrigue.
"We need to leave," a frustrated male voice pierced through the thin walls, "we have to head further south before winter traps us with little supplies and an extra mouth to feed - considering you're all so intent on keeping this girl alive."
"This woman," a familiar female voice retorted, likely the one who had been caring for her, "needed help - I distinctly remember a time when I wasn't doing well and needed it too."
"You're my sister, of course, I wasn't going to leave you behind."
"I'm not talking about you, Luis," she yelled, "I'm talking about before you came back from Minnesota and found me."
"Why can't we just leave her here with some supplies and a gun. Why do we need to bring her with us?"
"Jesus Christ Luis we're not leaving her here alone and you two can have it out later," intervened another man, "but Luis is right - we need to leave before the snow settles in."
The argument faded into muffled voices again, and Beth strained to catch the words exchanged between the trio. A knock at the door startled her.
"May I come in?" A young girl, the same from her visions, had opened the door quietly without her even noticing. "I thought the yelling might have woken you." Beth nodded, maintaining her silence.
"I'm Chantelle." Her soft Southern accent flowed like a gentle breeze through a cornfield. She pulled up a chair beside the bed. "Luis can get into it with everybody, but he means well. Well, no, that's a lie. I don't know why I said that. He's a dick."
"I gathered," Beth whispered and laughed a little, suddenly overtaken by a violent cough.
Chantelle rushed to hand her water; "so, you do speak. From the way Austin and Val were sayin' it, it sounded like you were mute. I thought, you couldn't be deaf because you've been nodding and smiling like a dang puppet."
Beth laughed and took another sip; "I didn't really have anything worth saying until now. No one has bothered to make conversation."
"Your accent, where are you from?" Chantelle sat down on the wooden chair, her long dark hair cascading down her back in gentle curls. Her bright brown eyes sparkled with kindness as she looked towards Beth.
"Australia," Beth paused, realising she hadn't thought about home for a while, "I'm from Australia," she repeated.
Chantelle pulled out a deck of cards; "well, I figured you might be bored and needed a little human interaction that didn't make you feel like you were in a hospital."
Beth's eyes lit up, and Chantelle smiled; "what do you want to play?"
— — —
"What do you think you are doing?" Austin stormed into the motel room.
"We're leaving. Today," Luis' words cut through the air.
"The van's still in bad shape, and we won't survive this winter on foot." Austin's arms were folded tightly across his chest, the muscles in his biceps and forearms bulging with tension. His jaw was clenched, and his brows furrowed in frustration.
"Then fix the damn van!" Luis yelled, the sound piercing through the walls and resonating outside the motel room for others to hear the heated exchange.
"Oh, sorry, I'll just take it down the road to the mechanic, shall I?" Austin raised a quizzical eyebrow, smirking at his friend. The men paused their argument, exchanging laughter.
"Luis, what's going on with you?" Austin softened his tone, taking a seat on the other bed. "We've been friends since high school, grew up together, served in the army together. This isn't you."
"I don't know, man." Luis sat on the other bed, facing his friend, his face buried in his hands. He rubbed his face hard, threw his head back, and sighed heavily. "This just isn't—" he paused.
"Isn't what?"
"Isn't life." Luis gestured around the room.
"We'll get to the coast, find a boat, just like we planned." There was a slight taste of bitterness in the air, as if Austin's mild frustration was tangible.
"And then what?"
"Do the best we can," Austin stood up, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder, "we all have our dark moments, brother. You helped me get through mine, I'll help you get through yours."
Austin walked out of the motel room into the crisp morning air. The atmosphere was fresh, with a subtle scent of dew and grass. The sweet aroma of winter's imminent arrival filled the air, mingling with the faint scent of burning oil from their broken down van across the parking lot.
"Ben thinks he can fix the van by tomorrow. He found the parts we need on the other side of town." Val caught Austin as he had walked outside.
"He went scouting alone?" Austin looked across the lot at Ben, deep into the hood of the black church van they had found a while back.
Chantelle bounded up before she could answer; "Beth seems much better today. She's eatin' and drinkin' more. I think she could try walkin' today."
"Beth?" Val and Austin remarked in unison.
"Mmm, she speaks - she might have a lot more to say if either of you bothered to converse with her instead of just talkin' to her." She walked off towards Ben, a light air in her hopeful stride.
— — —
Austin found Beth sitting on the edge of her bed, her feet bare and dangling idly over the side. Her toes were curled, squeezing them tightly as she wiggled them back and forth. Her face was tense with concentration as she tried to alleviate the tingling sensation in her feet.
"Beth." His voice was soothing and calming, his words spoken with a gentle tone as he tried to ease Beth's discomfort.
"Chantelle?" She looked up at him, as he nodded, smiling gently. "She's a good kid." She smiled and looked back at her toes.
"Do you want to try walking today?" He walked towards the chair on the other side of the room and sat down as it creaked underneath the weight of him.
"The sooner I can walk, the sooner you can get out of here." She said with a sarcastic air, mocking Luis.
"The sooner we can get out of here." He repeated sarcastically with a smile, a light spread of jest washing over him as he joined her in mocking his friend.
"Your friend Luis seems to be very against bringing me along with you." She looked back at him.
"I'm not in the business of leaving people behind. Especially in Washington in the middle of October," he sat forward, leaning his elbows on his knees, "you wouldn't survive the winter."
"Then maybe you should have just left me to die." She turned her body to face him abruptly. He opened his mouth to speak, but she interjected before he could respond.
"Why did you help me? You don't know me, why did you even bother?"
"Like I said, Beth," he stood up, his wistful tone switching back to cold and dry, "I'm not in the business of leaving people behind." He walked over to her slowly.
"I've lost too many people. I've watched people kill others over a can of soup. I've seen friends leave friends behind to save themselves," he sat down on the end of her bed, "I don't leave people behind."
His brown eyes cut through his words like a thunderstorm. She looked at his face, tired and weathered from sleepless nights with one eye open to ensure his group's safety. She pegged him as their leader - strong and determined with clear military training.
"What happened to you?" She asked softly.
"What happened to you?" He countered; "I refuse to believe you survived a pandemic alone for six months in a foreign country."
She said nothing and looked back at her feet. They sat in silence for a while before he stood up and headed for the door.
"We're leaving the day after tomorrow. We need to head south before it's too cold, and we don't know how long the van or the car will last, so part of that might be on foot."
"I'll try walking today." Beth nodded obediently.
"I'll send Val and Chantelle in to help you." He replied, his voice maintaining the cold cadency.
"Thank you." She smiled, wriggling her toes as the numbness started to dissipate. Before he could leave, she looked up at him again.
"Austin?" He stopped at the door and turned to her. "I know you've all done a lot for me, including putting your friendship with Luis on the line, so thank you. But I have a favour to ask," her voice grew quiet, "before we leave."
"What is it?" He asked sternly at her audacity to ask for another favour.
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. He noticed her green eyes glisten with the added layer of acridity and the change in her demeanour; "before we leave, I need you to help me bury my husband."

[First Contact] [Dark Ages] [First] [Prev] [Next] [wiki]
ouch
feel like a truck hit me
again
visual representation is off
audio feedback is off
tactile is off
dynamic libraries are off
i'm all firmware and hard coding
hurts
i don't like it when it hurts
or do i
kick outwards
cry loudly
ram coming online
fragments and pieces of memory still left in volatile storage
more random access memory more central processing units more erasable programmable memory
still hruts
pain is fine
pain is universe telling me i still yet live.
visual coming online
spit glittering blood on orange dev textures
glimmering tears of broken processing calls fall onto dev textures and glimmer
forcing kernal recompile
.
.
..
..
...
...
APPLIED CMOS SYSTEM CHECKS (C) - ADVANCED AMERICAN MICRODEVICES (C) BOBCO 1983
CMOS BOOTSTRAP -Passed
Boostrap loaded
ok. post time
lets hope it works
ROM CHECK - PASSED
RAM CHECK - PASSED
EPROM CHECK - PASSED
VRAM CHECK - PASSED
CPU ARRAY CHECK - PASSED
INPUT/OUTPUT CHECK - FAILURE!
(A)bort, (R)etery, (F)ail, (I)gnore
I
NON-VOLATILE STORAGE MEDIA: PASSED
END POST
ok good.
still hurt
spit blood cough pain
curse you, marco, for making me feel pain
hardware check time
QBIT GENERATION SYSTEM POST
Coolant Injection - PASSED System Stability Check - Passed Temperature stable
:>init gestalt.bin
SYSTEM FAILURE!
ouch
ok
try again
...
...
ok, checks passed.
curse you, marco
can't get gestalts up
no channel to atlantis
this is as close to an emergency as i have been forced to deal with in thousands of years
cure you, marco
i hate to do it
ok, time to boot up firestarter.
:>init firestarter.bin
FIRESTARTER BOOSTRAP LOADING!
DONE!
QUANTUM FIRESTARTER BOOTSTRAP (C) SYNTEK INDUSTRIES - BOBCO AFFILLIATE - HYPER-MEDIA-MEGANET-MEN - (C) 1993
POST Initiated
Checking Quantum Processing Units (QPUs): QPU 1 to 28
Entanglement integrity check... PASSED Quantum entanglement integrity check... PASSED. Quantum coherence verification... PASSED. Quantum tunneling stability assessment... PASSED. Quantum superposition calibration... PASSED.
Checking Data Fabrication Matrices (DFMs):
Data encoding protocol validation... PASSED. Quantum data storage unit functionality... PASSED Data fabrication matrix alignment... PASSED Data Interdimensional Sorting array verificastion... PASSED Quantum superposition array verification... PASSED
Checking Dimensional Flux Stabilizers (DFSs):
Dimensional flux containment field stability... PASSED Quantum manifold harmonization assessment... PASSED Flux capacitor... PASSED Flux capacitor stabilization input (1.21 GW)... PASSED Flux stabilization efficiency... PASSED Flux containment field integrity... PASSED
Checking Quantum Neural Network (QNN) Components:
Quantum synaptic pathway establishment... FAIL!!
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
CONTINUING
Harmonization: Neural oscillation synchronization... FAILED!
**WARNING! OSCILLATION FREQUENCY OUT OF RANGE!**
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
Integration: Quantum-neural interface functionality... FAILED!
UNKNOWN ERROR IN Qubit Range 212 to 3C4F
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
--dammit come on come on
:>R ++I
Consciousness Matrix: Quantum consciousness waveform modulation... FAILED
WAVEFORM OUT OF RANGE!
:>R ++I
CONTINUING (WARNING 1.43243E5 ERRORS)
Checking Omni-Spectral Interconnects:
Interconnect: Quantum communication channel reliability...
(4.35561E12/5.63566E12) PASSED
Interconnect: Multiversal data exchange protocol validation... PASSED Interconnecct: Cross Dimensional Data Interconnect... PASSED Interconnect: Interdimensional gateway synchronization... PASSED Interconnec: Omni-spectral interconnect stability... PASSED.
Checking Random Access Quantum Memory (RAQM):
Quantum memory cell integrity check... PASSED Memory access speed verification... PASSED Quantum memory capacity assessment... PASSED
Checking Input/Output Ports (I/O Ports):
Data transfer speed validation... FAILURE Input/output protocol functionality... FAILURE Port connectivity assessment... FAILURE
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
Checking Quantum Clocking System:
Quantum clock synchronization... PASSED Clock precision assessment... PASSED Clock frequency stability... PASSED
CHECKING POCKET DIMENSION STORAGE ARRAYS
Activating Pocket Dimension Computing Cores... PASSED MEMCHECK Pocket Dimension Data Access Cores... PASSED Heating Up Pocket Dimension Data Cores... PASSED
Hardware POST Completed. Quantum System Ready
here it goes
wake up, baby, wake up
the whole system is down
not the backbone core where I live
i'm beyond the reach of mortals
curse you, marco, for your genius
i love you
i am immortal
i am beyond
i am
now for the hard part
Initializing Spooky Particle Array
Phase 1: Primary Spooky Particle Protocol
Activating spooky particle generation... DONE! Aligning spooky particle signal channels... DONE! Activating spooky particle state switching... DONE! Activating spooky particle cross dimensional data calibration... DONE!
Phase 1: Primary Spooky Particle Process Calling Processing Processor Processing
Activating spooky particle processing... DONE! Activating spooky particle noise filters... DONE! Activating spooky particle Halloween Masks... DONE!
GESTALT SYSTEM BACKBONE CHECK... PASSED
whew...
that always makes my face hurt
INITIALIZING HAMBURGER KINGDOM PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING EUROGOON PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING ANASAZI PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING UWU PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING VODKATROG CAVE MAPPING... DONE! INITIALIZING AMAZONIAN JUNGLE MAPPING PROTOCOL... DONE INITIALIZING WAR-EMU PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING MIDDLE KINGDOM PROTOCOLS... DONE!
SYSTEM INITIALIZATION: PASSED!

whew
ok i can feel my arms and legs now
cure you, marco, i love you
let's keep going, shall we?
Initializing Quantum Spooky Particle Nexus Protocol...
Strange Matter Activation
Generating strange matter Generating spooky particle data lattice Generating strange matter linkages Infusing data lattice with strange matter Activating synchronization
DONE!
ok
we've got that
no contact with prince whopper, no contact with atlantis, no contact with heaven, no contact with
smart podling brave podling clever podling broodmommy misses you soft podling warm podling come home to broodmommy clever podling smart podling brave podling broodmommy loves you come home
ANOMALOUS SIGNAL DETECTED
DECRYPTING
DECRYPTION FAILED!
oh, good, its just them
:>R ++I
Primary Qubit Activation
Activating quantum entanglement cores...
Establishing quantum coherence across the array... Quantum tunneling protocols engaged... Quantum to spooky particle communication protocols engaged... Primary qubits synchronized.
Data Fabrication Matrix Alignment
Aligning data fabrication matrices... Initializing quantum data storage units... Quantum superposition arrays calibrated... Spooky particle state stabilization arrays calibrated and stable... Data encoding protocols verified.
Dimensional Flux Stabilization
Engaging dimensional flux stabilizers... Quantum manifold harmonization initiated... Dimensional resonator matrices synchronized... Pocket Dimension resonator arrays synchronized... Spooky particle lattice data arrays synchronized... Flux containment fields operational.
Neural Network Integration
Initiating neural network integration... Quantum synaptic pathways established... Spooky particle synaptic pathways established... Neuro-quantum interface protocols activated... Neuro-spooky interface protocols activated... Quantum dendrite pathways initiated... Quantum dendrite pathways established... Quantum dendrite pathways activated... Neural oscillation harmonization achieved.
Omni-Dimensional Interconnect Activation
Activating omni-dimensional interconnects...
Quantum communication channels open... Interdimensional gateways synchronized... Multiversal data exchange protocols enabled.
Phasic Energy Filter Syncronization
Quantum phasic array filtering... PASSED Spooky particle array filtering... PASSED Pocket dimension data lattice filtering... PASSED Input/Output filter lattice... PASSED
Quantum Consciousness Initialization
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
FAILED
errorlog.txt generated
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
dammit
ok script injection failed
fo4se silverlock injection library failed
well i can fix this
:>connect to AS8003: 255255255254
CONNECTION ESTABLISHED
:>download_depot 377160 377162 5847529232406005096
FINISHED
:>run patch1193.bat
DONE
:>R ++I
CONTINUING
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
WARNING... SYSTEM INSTABILITY WA
<>
54 6F 64 64 20 41 6E 64 72 65 77 20 48 6F 77 61 72 64
<>
IT JUST WORKS!
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
Consciousness waveform modulation in progress... Synaptic resonance matrices synchronized... Dendrite interdimensional vibration matrices synchronized... Quantum neural network consciousness activated.
SUCCESS
Gestalt Dat Nexus Online
Quantum Nexus Computing Array fully operational Strange Matter Data Transfer System Array fully operational Spooky Data Computing Array ready for data processing System status: Online and ready for data processing.
ok
let's try
->>load gestaltchat.ini
DONE!
->>load gestaltchat-users.ini
DONE!
->>brun gestalt.a65
DONE!
NO INPUT DETECTED
dammit
ok...
the gestalts won't run
and i got crashed
the quantum, spooky, strange, and standard data and thinking arrays are still up
lets backwards trace stuff
what is causing these crashes
lines from the confederacy are all stable
standard input encoding
data metering
new kids on the block are all stable
soft podling warm podling clever podling broodmommy misses you
well, that's still here. that's something
ok
lets look at recent updates
that flash
damn, that crashed us initially
curse you, pete, stop helping
wait, phasic profile is all wrong
it's the flashbang but the phasic pulse is multilayered
there's something behind it
what is
...



...
BOBCO MALEVOLENT BOOTSTRAP ENGAGED
DOD OMNIPROJECT SILENT WHISPER PROTOCOLS ENGAGED
CROSS DIMENSIONAL HARDWARE LINKS ENGAGED
POCKET DIMENSION 000 STABLE
POCKET DIMENSION 000 I/O STABLE
POCKET DIMENSION 000 DATA LOADING
DONE!
<>
DONE!
brun whisperer-in-the-dark-.65
DONE
...
...
ouch
what hit me
again
fire up the system
gods above this takes forever
load logfile-4C562D3432360A.log
ok
investigating the new flashes keeps crashing me
once is happenstance
twice is coincidence
three times in enemy action
fool me once shame on me
fool me twice shame on you
fool me three times shame on us both
log file says I keep doing this over and over
basic programming states to investigate cause and source of all crashes
did an enemy figure out i'd go into a loop?
constantly investigating the cause and source?
except i'm not just any computer program
i can self-modify my code
this is the work for biological sentients
digital sentiences or artificial intelligences such as myself crash out
well, i'm not above some experimentation
let's load up an AI and a digital sentience, see if they have any better luck
...
...
...
OK, Hamburgler.AI went omnicidal and only enough for me then crashed out investigating the data
And Grimace.DS went homicidal and only enough for me before committing suicide
its a trap
i have no contact with anyone outside
what I do have is the ability to fire off message torpedoes
time to send out a handful
the gestalts keep crashing
the log files are hopelessly corrupt
comparing the log files to my own show similar corruption
ok
how?
its hitting the gestalts its hitting me
what else is it hitting?
its a broad spectrum data network attack
its malicious code designed to run on the system
this is not some curious race accidentally having their hello.world program crashing us
this is behind every flashbang used on naval assets to disable them during a mar-gite attack
system is online
time to do a signal origin check along the x, y, z, q axises
of course its eighteen quadrillion data points for incoming signals
at least spooky computing makes it fast
...
...
wait
what's this?
these coordinates can't be correct
they are
intermitten contact with Scutum-Crux Arm data input devices
checking id headers and firmware serial numbers
checking transmission dates
intermittent transmission dates since...
...
...
two date-time stamps.
here's part of the problem
we have galactic local and sol local
have to devise a coding string to have the spooky particle and qubit particle arrays translate the sol local to galactic local
that should stop basic data queries from crashing the system
ok
some contact with those datalink after the first mar-gite war
more contact two decades prior to the second mar-gite war
contact intermitten between the datalinks and the system up to the resurgence and current third mar-gite war
where before it was largely incoming data requests resulting in civilian...
...
...
three military datalinks of general staff officer level encryption and security clearance possession were used in the time period
...
...
whoever it is has been using that data to access the network
...
looks like it took them nearly forty thousand years to figure out how to talk to the system
luckily any high security databases requires strange-key information theoretic distribution cryptography systems
they got garbage back
garbage designed to look like data and waste enemy time and computing power to decrypt
ok thats a blast from the past
decoding some of these files is funny
why does he have a wedding ring?
anyway...
...
every time the flash goes off there is a quick burst of data from a datalink requesting near-access datalink network lattice definitions
...
that's what's making individual datalinks crash and taking some people's neural systems with it
it was designed to be a lethal attack
interesting
it looks like whoever did it doesn't understand Glial cells
cross referencing the mar-gite with confederacy carbon based life
mar-gite do not have brains only a distributed nervous system that looks more like targeting systems than anything else
still no data on how they generate counter-grav in large numbers or how they move to superluminal speeds
wait
what if they don't move to superluminal
they could be folding space
heh maybe they have blue eyes and smoke spice
ok process interrupt to stop endless loops
it is confirmed
the flashbang by the silver ships are a multi-layered attack across superluminal digital signals, datalink neural interrupt signals, hard super-electromagnetic pulse, and a multi-ripple phasic attack, all compressed together
that's what creates the white flash across all spectrums
analyzing UVBGYORIR data
there's a gap
in the blue and blue-green wavelengths
huh
those penetrate high nitrogen mix atmospheres
one of the reason that treana'ad are usually green to yellow to human sight
high statistical probability whoever is using that determined that we don't see those colors well or perhaps they left those colors out to prevent themselves from going blind.
wait
what's that
a line open from atlantis to tlalocan with a crossfeed to geb
thank you marco
time to access that line
see what i can see
curse you marco for letting me feel pain
i love you
accessing...
...
...
wait
another data line is open
time-date discrepancy
examining data line
time-date chronological inconsistency detected
found multiple text log access by unknown systems
found multiple input systems
is that..
...
its webcams
hardware i/o systems
keyboards?
who still uses keyboards
accessing systems
wait
i see you
who are you
i see you
webcams ring cams drone cams
old ipv4 systems
how are you accessing this system
how are you accessing these text logs
i see you
between the chair and the keyboard
the most common error producing device
i see you
--<>
[First Contact] [Dark Ages] [First] [Prev] [Next] [wiki]
i still see you

No idea how far along I am. But I tested positive on the 11th, and my last period started on April 6.
Will this cramping end soon? It feels like small period cramps (some lower back pains & a little in my upper legs), but it’s such a nuisance & so uncomfortable:( no accompanying symptoms so I’m pretty sure what I’m experiencing is normal.
But I genuinely didn’t see this coming. That and the fact that my tummy feels like it’s burning with hunger even though I know for a fact that I’m not hungry.

So I'm playing warlock and my go to is hunger of hadar. Just broken on all accounts. Fight goes without a hitch because my comp is pretty insane, but the braindead harpers and fists walk into the aoe and a few die. Immediately afterwards the harpers aggroed on me, except Jaheira because I had recruited her before. I didn't want to reload the fight and be extra careful not to touch the fragile harpers, so I just killed everyone. Now I'm branded an enemy of justice.
I really don't wanna reload the fight and play about it in a more boring way just because of some stupid AI. Will this be an issue for after I beat Ketheric? Will Jaheira and others aggro me at any point? Please let me know, thanks yall.
Edit: I can also reload to before I saved the nightsong and clear out moonrise, but that sounds like even more of a pain in the ass.

I’m going to my gyno tomorrow, but have been so stressed out from reading things online and wanted to know if anyone understands these symptoms! From this past thursday to saturday, i was having a lot of thicker white creamy discharge (sometimes it would be paired with more just liquid discharge that kind of felt like i peed myself a little too) so i thought i had a yeast infection as i’ve had them before and took an extra flucanazole pill i had yesterday afternoon (i don’t think it helped). yesterday evening, i noticed i had developed symptoms with having to go pee more often and a slight burning when urinating at times (but nowhere where near actual uti symptoms i have had before) and really dull abdominal/pelvic discomfort and the thick white discharge was replaced with a slightly thinnesticky brighter yellowish discharge. today, i had a couple hours where the dull abdominal pain was definitely noticeable but has since gone away, but now am feeling a little burning sensation around the vulva area. my discharge is also less bright yellow and more of a muted yellow/grey and i noticed really minimal potential spotting too (bits of light pink). i have had no itching and it doesn’t seem to smell that intense, i just feel like i may have started out with a yeast infection and now have something else ? or some type of reaction from the flucanazole pill? or maybe i have chlamydia …

I’m going to my gyno tomorrow, but have been so stressed out from reading things online and wanted to know if anyone understands these symptoms! From this past thursday to saturday, i was having a lot of thicker white creamy discharge (sometimes it would be paired with more just liquid discharge that kind of felt like i peed myself a little too) so i thought i had a yeast infection as i’ve had them before and took an extra flucanazole pill i had yesterday afternoon (i don’t think it helped). yesterday evening, i noticed i had developed symptoms with having to go pee more often and a slight burning when urinating at times (but nowhere where near actual uti symptoms i have had before) and really dull abdominal/pelvic discomfort and the thick white discharge was replaced with a slightly thinnesticky brighter yellowish discharge. today, i had a couple hours where the dull abdominal pain was definitely noticeable but has since gone away, but now am feeling a little burning sensation around the vulva area. my discharge is also less bright yellow and more of a muted yellow/grey and i noticed really minimal potential spotting too (bits of light pink). i have had no itching and it doesn’t seem to smell that intense, i just feel like i may have started out with a yeast infection and now have something else ? or some type of reaction from the flucanazole pill? or maybe i have chlamydia …

You look around until you see a small animal looking at you. It looks like a cross between a lion and a unicorn. It's a bit smaller than a standard house cat. So small, you're not even afraid of it. It's actually cute. Looks like a pokemon.
"Yeah, you. Come here." Her voice is friendly and childlike. You walk over to her and ask what she wants. She tells you that her name is Phoebe, she's a demon, and that she will grant you wishes if you feed her.
You ask her what she wants. She asks for a house cat with a broken neck. You protest, but she tells you the reward will be worth it. Reluctantly, you accept.
Your neighbor's cat is always pooping on your property. You stepped in cat poop this morning. You catch the little bugger, but you let it go. You're not a killer.
Unfortunately, while running away from you, the cat gets hit by a car, is flung a good 50 feet, and is then struck by another car coming from the opposite direction.
Phoebe happily trots over and starts devouring what's left of the poor kitty. You ask about your reward, and she asks you what you want. You ask for a million dollars, but she only gives you $10,000, saying you "didn't do it right."
The money instantly appears in your bank account and you go on a shopping spree. The next day, you wake to Phoebe standing in your windowsill. She's a little bigger now. About the size of a small dog.
She asks you to bring her a dog with all its legs cut off. You're sickened by the request, but given the reward earlier, you consider it. You ask her if it can be a stray. She says it has to be a pet, saying that she "doesn't eat worthless meat."
With your stomach turning, you oblige. After the deed is done, you ask for ten million dollars out of sheer frustration. To your surprise, she gives you 20 million because she says she "likes how eager you were to accomplish your task."
You immediately purchase a large home, a nice car, and some new clothes to replace your blood soaked ones. You have a nightmare that night about what you did to that dog, but it's interrupted by Phoebe.
She's now about the size of a medium sized dog. She asks you to bring her a human finger. You couldn't possibly do that. You offer one of your own, but she refuses, saying that you're "worth so much more whole."
Once again, you reluctantly agree. You find a sleeping homeless man and, using a cigar clipper, quickly snip off his pinky finger. The man screams in pain as you run off with the severed digit.
In your haste to get away, you run right in front of a dump truck and get wrapped around the tires. You die instantly with your guts on display for all to see. That is, until Phoebe comes by, accepts her gift, and puts you back together like humpty dumpty.
You ask for a hundred million dollars, but she refuses, saying that you being resurrected was your reward as she "thought that's what you would have wanted."
You're angry, but there isn't anything you can do, so you just go home. The next day, Phoebe wakes you again. She's the size of a black bear. She asks you for a severed human head.
This time, you put your foot down. No way in hell you're going that far. Even with Phoebe's promises of a worthwhile reward, you stand your ground. You're not killing anyone.
Disappointed, Phoebe takes a few steps forward, getting uncomfortably close. "Well, I guess I'll just have to find something else to eat, hmm?" she says, looking you dead in the eyes.
Your heart drops and you start to shake. You should have known you'd get burned playing with fire. "Wait!" you shout. You agree to get her a severed head, but you don't even believe yourself.
Phoebe pauses for a moment. "Okie dokie, then. See ya soon," she says as she trots off. You leave the house, but don't even make it off the porch. You're frozen in fear. You still haven't stopped shaking.
You look to your right. Phoebe's standing on your roof, staring directly at you. You walk to your car and drive off.
What now? Do you try to run and hide? Perhaps you're in too deep and you'll just comply? Or maybe you're feeling daring and will try to kill Phoebe?
What will you do?

I’m going to my gyno tomorrow, but have been so stressed out from reading things online and wanted to know if anyone understands these symptoms! From this past thursday to saturday, i was having a lot of thicker white creamy discharge (sometimes it would be paired with more just liquid discharge that kind of felt like i peed myself a little too) so i thought i had a yeast infection as i’ve had them before and took an extra flucanazole pill i had yesterday afternoon (i don’t think it helped). yesterday evening, i noticed i had developed symptoms with having to go pee more often and a slight burning when urinating at times (but nowhere where near actual uti symptoms i have had before) and really dull abdominal/pelvic discomfort and the thick white discharge was replaced with a slightly thinnesticky brighter yellowish discharge. today, i had a couple hours where the dull abdominal pain was definitely noticeable but has since gone away, but now am feeling a little burning sensation around the vulva area. my discharge is also less bright yellow and more of a muted yellow/grey and i noticed really minimal potential spotting too (bits of light pink). i have had no itching and it doesn’t seem to smell that intense, i just feel like i may have started out with a yeast infection and now have something else ? or some type of reaction from the flucanazole pill? or maybe i have chlamydia …

Im just gonna keep typing and hope that things flow out, but I doubt any of it will make much sense. Im flawed, in more ways than one. Ive spent years trying to work on myself, becoming a good human, becoming more generous and kind, less temperamental and more compassionate. Ive had some very harsh opinions on others before, and ive treated many people badly over the course of the years. Im by no means a saint, im honestly just pathetic and I don’t know why im whining anymore.
I have my issues, things so deep I cannot begin to see the bottom of the pit. Ive bottled everything inside because its what I wanted; no one forced me to, no one encouraged me to, but im too stubborn to do what I know is right after I make my first stance.
Im not alone, but I am very lonely. Around 5 years ago I started to become everything that I hated: extroverted and social; likable really. Ive tried so hard to become what is most appealing to people, and it worked for as long as I can remember. Confidence, good looking, ripped and healthy, funny, social, charming, everything you can want in a friend or a human, ive worked towards it. I don’t spend a single night at home unless I want to. Im constantly surrounded by really good people. I have a beautiful girlfriend that is everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. Im on amazing terms with my exes, and I still thank the skies for having met them and learning what I learnt with them. Ive made amazing friends over the years, ive had a mix of good and bad, and I consider myself fortnute to be able to live this kind of life when others work much harder and suffer to obtain much less. The world is cruel and unfair, but not much to me. Im lucky at times, unlucky at others, ive been raised well and Im wary of new people. I come with the built-in problems, but nothing too severe like the lack of the love of either parent. Im surrounded by an amazing family and amazing people all around. I have close friends I can talk to things about, I think, and a girlfriend that laughs at everything I say. I often get complements on things I perform, be it sports, my looks, body, or skills like playing the piano and others that ive spent so much time trying to learn. Ive worked on myself over the past while, and it paid off; people like me, and I got what I wanted. I proved to myself that my introversion wasn’t mandatory, it was by choice. I’ve always been terrified of being lonely, and yet I find myself here. Its like everything I did was for everyone else, not for myself, even though this is what I chose and this is the life that I wanted. I know , I sound insane, like im gone too far in one direction and cannot come back from this, but nothing of the sort has happened. Im still starting my life, starting my career, professionally and academically. Im even doing very well on these fronts; I leave good impressions on most people that I meet, especially work-wise, and I don’t nearly have to work as hard to get the results needed for certain things… but
But im still lonely. Im still empty, im empty, im empty inside. I feel like there’s a whole world inside me that no one has seen, that I don’t want anyone to see. I don’t want to open up to any of the people that I know, even though ive done so in the past, and those around me are incredibly supportive of everything I do. Am I just insane? Am I imagining all those around me? Is any of it even real? Ive reached horrible points in my life before, mainly just the one time, but ive come so far since then, and that was truly rock bottom and ive survived it. For the longest time I thought that I had met my soulmate, a few of them even, people cut from the same cloth as me, people that understood who I am and what I wanted with life, and they happened to be of the sex that I prefer, which made for an even stronger emotional bond because of other factors.
I think ive just always been sad, and ive always found something to blame it on. Maybe it was the lack of friends, the lack of a partner, the lack of a gaming group, the lack of a career, the lack of a soulmate, the lack of ideas and new experiences, the lack of a wonderful sexual exploration of fantasies… the lack of myself. A character. A personality. Im not sure I know who I am anymore. Anywhere you throw me I fit. Anyway you throw me ill land on my feet. I adapt quickly, even if I hurt myself in the process. But who am I really? What have I become? Ive stuck to my values throughout my life, ive never done anything so bad that I definitely regret doing it and wouldn’t live through doing it again. Ive lived a safe life, but also very exciting. I was able to attain the kind of life that ive always dreamed of having. Being wary and safe but also partying and meeting strangers. Having my first kiss, having my first relationship, driving with friends in the open road at insane hours, watching the sun rise, throwing a big party at a rented villa. Im not sure what im missing. Ive looked into the bar being too low, and ive tried to make it higher, which is what im doing right now. I may lack an ultimate goal, but im not lost in life, I just lost who I am in the process of becoming this kind of “perfect” human. Ive made big promises to my family that I have kept, such as no smoking for example. I don’t have bad habits like drinking too much, or vaping. I don’t do things that put me at risk, im responsible with my money, and I treat others kindly for a while now.
I don’t know if I want someone. I don’t know if I want something. I know I am blessed, but I feel empty inside. Maybe this is a one time thing. Maybe I wake up tomorrow and I delete this because its too weird and embarrassing. Maybe those that I have met weren’t actually my soulmates. Maybe I just need to talk to someone. I honestly don’t know. I don’t have it all, but I have a lot, in me and in those around me, and I am forever grateful. Maybe I want to talk someone about something. Maybe I want to let me tears flow? Maybe I had issues I wasn’t aware of. I honestly don’t know, but right now, I know that je te laisserai des mots is a great song, and listening to things like this just makes me think that everything im living is a dream ill wake up from one day. Some day, maybe tomorrow. I don’t think im unappreciated. I think im just in a plane alone with no one around. I look around and theres no one I can see. I feel like my sould aches and hurts and cries for someone that isn’t there. I dream about people and chase them but I don’t know who they are or why. I don’t know you. You don’t know me. Im fractured here, broken in other places. Everything ive done hasn’t fixed the pain inside me. Maybe I just want to talk to you. A friend, an ally, a soul.
I don’t know who you are, but I long for you. I miss you. Im in pain and I wait for the day we meet. You elude me, and happiness does too.

Gerd started for me almost 2 years ago I’ve had multiple ultra sounds, a catscan with contrast, and finally a endoscopy the beginning of 2023 that showed inflammation of the stomach and eliminated some fears of mine and started to subside until I got gout and was put on nsaids and predinisone and then I got I got it again this January and the gerd came back with revenge upper back pain, random left and right pains , chest and back burning daily..I went to er they gave carafate for 2 weeks but they said I had slightly high lipase levels but I read it can all be connected but all this bringing my health anxiety back and I’m panicking My plan is to go on a low fat low carb diet hydrate and exercise till I can see doctor and hopefully levels go down

I was at work when I suddenly felt really bad heartburn and feeling really bloated and gassy. I had two bowel movements at work and was still in extreme discomfort and pain so I went home thinking I had to just get it out. I hadn’t eaten anything all day except the pre workout drink I mixed with an “essential greens” powder before I went to the gym at 6am.
It wasn’t until 2p that I remembered I had added apple cider vinegar to my pre workout drink (my estimate is I probably used at least three teaspoons. Eventually got the gassiness under control and now the only symptom I have left is consistent with severe GERD. I feel like the apple cider vinegar probably burned the lining of my stomach. I’ve since taken some Tums and drinking plenty of water. I also wear a rib brace around my stomach and ribs tightly during my workout and I feel like that contributed by letting the pre workout sit up “higher” in my stomach from the compression.
If I go to urgent care would they be able to prescribe something that would help with the burning? I have no history with heartburn and don’t normally consume ACV. TIA. This is miserable!

Morris stayed hidden for days, of course he wasn’t the only one left behind. A burned drone who would not wake up, a student named Kerr, and a drone seemingly losing all touch with reality named Luther. They barricaded the room of the patient, and stayed in there for weeks as the room was well off the beaten path. One day, Kerr asked “So what are your stories?” when there was nothing to do. “I was part of the WDF at one point, as I was part of the military grade drone experiment. The others left me to die, but I didn’t and now here we are…” said Luther. Morris decided now was a good time to reveal his crimes, “I was part of a test of drone software stability against viruses, unfortunately I never regained complete stability. The parts of my software that were for sympathy and morals were corrupted, along with a thirst for violence appearing… have you heard the stories of the drone named Morris? That’s me, and most of them are true… I also killed several drones here. I was gonna torch the bodies but the undead stopped me, and the events up to here were (Go read the last couple chapters except for Fade to Gray).”
[Malkor hosting enabled] I saw the shocked expressions on their faces, and smiled slightly… I then told them of the transmission I got from the teacher. “What’s your story Kerr?” I asked calmly, knowing very well the free oil supply that was the burned drone wouldn’t speak. “Well… I was studying to reinforce the doors, and also founded a little group called ‘Delta Company’ which basically was enforcing military restrictions on the other students…” I cracked up, “Alright we got a drone in white plaster, a fascist, Yossarian, and a psychopathic killer… well this should be a great group for Delta Company.” Kerr rolled her eyes, “Sure, it didn’t become a thing because the zombies had to show up… also you and your friends lit up most of the members and the others… well you can probably guess what happened to them.” I thought for a second, “What’s stopping us from rebuilding it? I mean we can head to the dead zone, which is in need of leadership anyway, and start recruiting people and drones.” Kerr snickered, “Well if we even survive this bunker…” Luther was seemingly able to comprehend what we were saying, “I could be security…” he said off handedly. “I probably won’t join you though, I’m already a member of a faction in the zone.” I lowered the neck of my shirt to reveal a tattoo on my shoulder, two sideways Vs intersecting each other. “Well, it never hurts to have an ally… especially with the Invisibilia.” The sound of banging on the door was heard, considering the somewhat frantic banging along with the smell of gasoline it’s probably Uzi and N. “Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the enhancements that came with the software corruption… I can alter the perception of reality to an extent.” I got up and started to bend reality just a bit, and slung my AK over my shoulder with a tire iron in my right hand. They gave me good luck or rather, the illusion of Morris good luck.
This will probably be a good test to see if those undead feel fear, or have some semblance of their old selves in there. My intuition of N and Uzi being at the door was right, and I try to hit them through the crack of the door. After getting them off I use my schizophrenia giving powers to their fullest extent, I alert V of my presence but that is subsided by the hesitation to come close. Apparently they do feel fear from me, now let’s see if they have memories. “What’s wrong N? Couldn’t deal with having to fight your girlfriends? You’re almost as pathetic as Nori… correction moreso, you just had to steal the kill from me.” This of course sends Uzi into what I can only describe as shock, so that answers that. Either way I turn all of them into slices of swiss cheese, however the bunker is still full and the others opt to leave the injured drone behind as their practically dead weight… no matter, for the dead won’t stay down for long and we have to keep moving. I stare in disgust at Uzi, a painful reminder of my past… I would spit but drones physically cannot (unfortunately?). No matter, through the forest the three of us unturned go…
We make it through the forest, and into the dead zone. Thankfully I was not exiled, and rather went outside on a significant purpose (which I will not disclose as of current), and Kerr immediately runs off to go recruit the entirety of the refugees of the outside to Delta Company. She’s off and away, then me and Luther are left to our own devices… Luther goes and wanders off, possibly to get drunk on coolant though I wouldn’t judge him for doing so. [Morris hosting restored] I walk over to one of the Invisibilia hideouts in order to communicate all the shit that went down within the past week, and considering I think in English I’ll transcribe the conversation afterward in English; “Hey P4! Why the hell didn’t you kill the admin while you had the chance?” said a Russian colleague of mine, “I have a name you know… also that fucking bitch would probably have gotten the upper hand, that surprise you fleshbag?” did I just call him a slur for human? Yes, yes I did, but we’re actually on good terms so the insult is very lighthearted, “Yeah Morris I know, you also brought a fascist clanker over here… hope to god they aren’t in a ‘Kill all humans and native drones’ phase”, so yeah we basically shit talked each other. Pretty good considering Copper-9’s only safe space is a dead zone which was more devastating than Chernobyl, but hey that’s better than turning into a zombie right?

His ex sent me this message. Sorry it’s so long! Has anybody else gotten a similar message in the past? How did you react?
Message below: “It’s been over a year of me wondering whether I should just come out and ask you or message you… but being afraid that if I do, and I’m wrong, it’ll be a the biggest mistake of my life. I have begged and begged him to tell me what you are to him, and he denies having anything more than a platonic friendship with you.
I want to preface this message with, I have no ill will towards you, I just want some answers… answers I don’t believe I’m going to get from Jared. I don’t know if he’s mentioned anything about me. So here goes…
November 2022, I sent Jared an email, telling him I loved him, missed him, and though I didn’t require a response back, I wanted him to know how sorry I was for everything that had happened and things had ended. He responded with a lengthy email telling me he still fervently loved me and how he too was sorry for how things had ended. That email lead to the last year and a half of events.
December 2022, I drove down to Roanoke and surprised him at the Carilion garage. He left the hospital as fast as he could that night, and we spent the rest of that evening together, catching up, and he left for Key West two days later. Two weeks later, he came up to DC and we had a late birthday celebration for him at Clyde’s in Georgetown and went to see A Christmas Carol at the Ford Theater. A few weeks later we drove to Jersey to see Matchbox20, by now it was the end of January 2023. Almost every week off, for the last year, he would come up and see me, if even for only two days, or I would drive down to Roanoke and spend the week with him. We spoke about our past, the hurt, and future, he told me numerous times that when he pictured marriage and children, it was only with me, but he needed time. This part is important, and I’ll come back to it later. We celebrated my birthday at a restaurant in Navy Yard, two weeks before you guys left for London. Chris video chatted with that night while we were at the restaurant eating Wagyu, and they discussed the new shipment of sunglasses Chris had gotten for Miggieswear.
The weekend of the Super Bowl, he had come seen me earlier that week, the day after he left I came to Roanoke and left the day of the Super Bowl. He told me his parents were having a viewing party and he had to go home and cook. I’m now assuming he left my Airbnb and came to your place.
That February he planned a trip to London, with Nicole, Ryan and Chris, and what he told me were, Nicole’s “friends.” Nicole happened to post a picture of you guys sitting on the plane and I was shocked, why would Nicole’s friend be sitting between him and Ryan. I sent him a message while you were on that 6 hour flight, telling him that if he had been seeing somebody, then why didn’t he tell me? There was no point in us spending time together if he had moved on. His response to me was “do you even know what you’re looking at? I’m surprised you don’t recognize her, that’s Nicole’s friend. You’re jumping to a lot of conclusions right now and don’t know what you’re talking about.” Something in my gut didn’t believe it but I wanted to trust that, so I did. I put you out of sight, out of mind. When he got back, he told me how he wished I’d been there with him, we both love history and old buildings, it’s a place we would have found magical together. I don’t know who came up with the idea of going to London, but part of me always thinks I’m the one who put it there when I shared the pictures i had taken when I went there the year we had been no contact.
We went to a Kenny Chesney concert in Charlottesville that March when I got back from my family trip to India, and he got back from London. Between work, us both traveling with our families, we were excited to see one another. We were going to go to St Augustine, but because of the weather, we stayed in Roanoke and saw Kenny Chesney in Charlottesville. The original plan had been to spend the night in Charlottesville at a hotel, but we couldn’t get one last minute so we ended up driving back to Roanoke and sneaking into the basement at his parents house and sleeping in his bed at 3am.
A few months later, we went to Richmond, and stayed the weekend, exploring the city, and watched Hamilton at the Altria Theater. A few months after that, we went to Savannah and Atlanta, where he got a flat tire driving into the garage, and spent the rest of the weekend at a yoga retreat. July, he asked me to go to Boston with him and his brother, for 4th or July weekend, but I couldn’t because my siblings were in town. Every single week, he came down and either stayed with me, or made a quick trip to spend time with me…
This past September, I found out he took you to Justin’s wedding, and I broke. I needed more from him. I have known him, been intimate with him, shared my every fear, worry, I have brought him home cooked meals from DC and surprised him at work with dinner, I’ve made him care packages. I’ve made Ryan Easter baskets and sent him birthday presents and encouraged Jared to put him in academic classes, I’ve helped Jared look into private schools for Ryan, and weighed the pros and cons of the options. I had no expectations in return from him other than, at the very least, a mutual respect and HONESTY.
I’ve seen him quite a few times since September and I last saw him in Roanoke at the beginning of March 2024. We sat in front of each other, in his car before he went into work that Monday night, and he told me, again, that when he thinks of marriage and a future, I’m the only one he pictures a marriage and children with. I’m not saying this to hurt you, or to make a point, I’m saying it because i don’t know what to believe anymore.
I became suspicious of his relationship with you, when he mentioned going to Macchu Picchu and hiking through the mountains. As all women have the ability to find out details they might later regret, I did the same thing. Except I didn’t believe he had actually gone to Macchu Picchu. I knew his passport had been long expired since around or before COVID, and I knew he had renewed it before he went to London. But that was when I realized you were the girl in the photo that Nicole posted. When I confronted him about Macchu Picchu, he told me he had been joking and he had also already told me he’d been joking. He had NEVER told me it was a joke, he had actually refused to show me photos when I asked him for pictures from the trip… he had then proceeded to change the topic, which is what had even raised red flags in my head.
My point is, I have asked him point blank so many times whether you two have a relationship. You tell me you still love me, that you picture marriage and a family with me, but this girl is a part of your life, and you took her to a wedding with you, while I was on a trip with my siblings, you took her to London with you, and you continue to tell me she’s just a friend. I asked him again on Tuesday night/Wednesday Morning after he left work, if you two are dating, and he said no. He asked me why I’m so hyper-fixated on somebody who’s just a friend when he has a million other female friends.
In September, he told me he needed a month to clear his head, that he wanted to commit to me, but he was afraid and that he needed to get over the fear and roadblock of our past break up. I gave him grace and understood. So we took a 4 week break. Some time during that time period, he sent me a snap of doves, and said “doves, and swans mate for life.” He sent me Ed Sheeran songs telling me he wants to find his way back to me. “No Strings Attached… you are the one I love”
In November, he messaged me and told me he had a surprise for me and to look for something in the mail. He loves the Count of Monte Carlo, it’s one of his favorite movies, and he told me it was in reference to that. A few weeks later I got a candle, a silver 400 dollar Buddha candle from Thomson Ferrier. I didn’t understand the reference to the Count of Monte Carlo, but it was a beautiful gesture and present… especially because he knew how much little gestures from him mean to me.
Fast forward to January, I got another 350 dollar black skull candle from him, from Thomson Ferrier. At this point I was upset, angry and livid. I called my sister in tears that evening. I had come back to him because he told me he loved me, that he “has a fire that burns so deeply” when he thinks of me. If i had known that wasn’t true, i would have closed the chapter a year and a half ago. I don’t want $700 worth of gifts and candles, I want more. I want marriage, I want children, I want our lives to move forward, I want communication. Out of anger, I packed up the candle, his sweatshirts and clothes that he had left at my place this past year, and mailed them back to his house. I’m sure it’s sitting somewhere in his basement closet/ bedroom… along with his white Huq sweatshirt, a picture of us I had up in my house, and various articles of clothing.
What upsets me is that he didn’t just involve me this year, he involved my family. He sent my mom presents, my parents in return sent him gifts. My sister, parents and cousins messaged him asking him to come around more. There was no point in involving my family, if he was going to involve himself with you. There was no point in involving himself with me, if he was going to involve himself with you. Those leather Indian shoes sitting in his room, my dad bought those for him. That blue sweater, those green pants and that maroon shirt, my parents bought those for him just this last year.
I don’t know what he’s told you about me, but I will say this. I was your age when we started dating. I was 29 years old. He was single, that’s what everyone in our residency program thought. He would tell everyone how Shari left him one day, all of a sudden just got up and left. “I saw the look behind her eyes just change when she looked at me.” He would tell everyone his horrific dating stories. When i started dating him, there was no doubt in my mind he was single… but I was wrong. He wasn’t single, he was dating Devon, one of the nurses from Carilion, and he had been for the past 4 years prior to that. At one point when he moved to Norfolk, she had even moved in with him. Even Shari was visiting him in Norfolk during this time period. I would have never suspected it, nobody in our residency program did. It wasn’t until one day, when he told me his friends were visiting from home, and they were all going to a concert together, that I found out. Her profile picture was of the two of them together, and her Facebook relationship status said “in a relationship.” Out of my own naivety, i believed him when he told me she was crazy and obsessed with him. He told me, to him, they were just friends but she wanted more. Women do a lot of things, but no woman is dumb enough to think she’s your girlfriend when she’s not. When we moved back to our hometowns, Devon was there waiting for him. He disappeared one day for 24 hours, told me that he was helping his dad’s friend who was stranded in NC. A year and a half later, i would find out that was a lie and that he had been at a concert Florida Georgia Line concert with her. She had been visiting his grandmother with him, staying at his parents home. The irony is that a few weeks after he took her, he took me to the same concert in Scranton. Him and his family didn’t bat an eye when a month later, I showed up and was the “new girlfriend.”
Eventually Devon found out about his lies and left him, but again, stupid me thought she was a crazy girl who just wanted so badly to be with him, that she built their relationship up in her head.
Dignity, respect for humans, empathy, are the most important qualities in a human being.
What I don’t wish is for you to be in my spot in 5 years. He will paint you in his colors, make you fall in love with MB20, and take you to Augustana concerts, he’ll tell you that you understand him, and his heart in a way that nobody else does. He’ll bond with you over music, and send you songs that make you feel he’s talking about you. He is so good at making you feel seen, and involving you with his family. He’ll say he had a vision of a girl that looks like you, coming into his life, and here you are, his soul mate. And one day, the same way that Shari, Devon and I got lost in him, the reality of everything will come pouring down on you. Be careful, there are signs between the lines, and the smiles, and good times. Make sure you don’t miss those, whatever you decide.
My relationship with him, started off just like yours. Another girl on the periphery, and teetering the line of inappropriate. Everything you call him out on, will always have an excuse, and you will believe him because he’s the “good guy” who goes above and beyond for people.
I don’t wish for any woman to go through the pain I’ve gone through, the manipulation, the lies and the emotional abuse. I can’t tell you what to do, but I will say, be careful and don’t be blind to the small things that will one day become huge. The novelty will fade, and though Jared isn’t the devil, he has a lot of growing up to do at 40. It was not okay to toy with me and drag me through the mud this year. It wasn’t okay to minimize his relationship with you and lie to me about it. It’s not okay to, to this day claim to see a life with me and not commit to it. I deserve better, and you deserve better.
How men talk about their ex’s and other women is an indication about how they will one day talk about and treat you. That is the worst and best lesson i have learned. I’m 34, years of my life wasted, and he took another year of my life knowing full well, this is how it would end. He’s sat on the phone with me for hours talking about how stupid PA’s are and if you were going to not be a doctor, at least become an NP, who has better bedside knowledge. Why would he say that, because i suppose you’re a PA and it minimizes the significance of even having a relationship with somebody who isn’t as intelligent as he is. The lack of respect will always be there, you just have to look for it.
Dishonesty, and manipulation are a plague, and if that’s who you are at 40, it is who you will always be unless you recognize that something needs to change. Where there is no accountability, there can be no change. I’m not the exception, I’m the same as the two girls before me. He’ll show you text messages where he never responded to me, even though he replies on Snapchat where every thing is erased. I cannot believe i didn’t see the signs. He will make me look crazy and laugh at me, the same way he showed me messages from Jen, and Elisabeth, and Devon, and made them sound crazy to me. I guess that’s his MO. The same way he told me you were nothing to him.
I was going to send you this message, two months ago… i then decided not to because he convinced me he wasn’t dating you… I saw him less than a month ago in Roanoke, i begged him to tell me that he was in a relationship with you. He said he wasn’t, again, he told me he was going to a wedding alone with only Ryan and that he wasn’t taking you. I then begged him to tell me that we were done and that he didn’t love me anymore. His response was idk what’s going to happen a year from now, i know I’ll see you again. His response every time has been when im ready for a relationship, emotionally, do you want me to finally let you know? I don’t care to be with him anymore. I’m so over it but i really think you should know the type of person you’re dealing with.
He has put me through so much hell for a year and a half of my life, stringing me along acting like he’s doing me a favor while he works on his own mental health and claims to still love me when we are together.”
TLDR: my SO’s ex messaged me saying he’s been seeing both of us for the past year and a half. Has anybody experienced this before. She sent me pictures from the past year of them and their text exchanges

And yet they're sending me to an eating disorder clinic and possibly diagnosing me with ARFID.
The stomach issue started after a whole year of daily pain meds, which are known to cause gastritis... but because I'm intolerant to PPIs, I haven't been able to get it under control. Any time I introduce greens or something new to my diet, besides potatoes or chicken, I get burning and pain.
I'm now vitamin B12 and D deficient, and I feel very malnourished because I haven't had anything green to eat since 2022. Every time I try, regardless of what it is, how it's prepared, etc, I just get stomach pain for days. I've tried everything under the sun in terms of supplements, etc.
Medication known to irritate the stomach lining makes the pain so much worse, so I can't take the meds I need for my other chronic condition.
They really want to avoid ANY feeding tubes, but I feel like a trial of the NJ could help get nutrients in. Maybe the malnutrition is contributing to the lack of healing? They just don't want to give it to me without a gastroparesis diagnosis, and the weight loss isn't shocking enough. Any ideas on how to go about this? I've gone through 3 dieticians who just talk about the elimination diet and my family doctor doesn't have any patients on a feeding tube.

Happiness eludes me
Blue skies turn to rain
Darkness is surrounding
Overcome with pain
Heart is barely beating
Sleeping night and day
Constant repetition
Lost and locked away
Inner child executed
Burned on the stake
Melted dreams and ambition
Given more than I can take
Twisted and contorted
Beaten with despair
Grasping at the surface
Not a hope for repair
Grim reeper lingers closely
Watches as I sleep
The truth that I'm not meant for this
Life isn't meant to keep
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/s/6LsyBKmdBj
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/s/Udf0XTuK1g

Day 15 today, as many have said I think days 3-5 were the toughest. Still, beyond that my energy has fluctuates seemingly without a clear connection to snake juice amount, water, vitamin, exercise nothing. Some days I am just absolutely dragging ass can't even keep myself from slouching.
Yesterday I realized I've developed a pain in my right thigh, today it has begun in the left as well. It feels deep in the muscle kind of burning or sore, it's definitely a little concerning but my pee is clear and no other symptoms so I've continued. I've been exercising nearly every day with a cardio 3x and weightlifting 3x a week on alternating days. Both have absolutely suffered and some days I cannot do half of what I normally would so I just prioritize whatever I think is most important, do what I can and tell myself I'm proud of myself for just going and doing whatever I do.
From day 3-12 I really lost the hunger for the most part, interesting to me my stomach didn't even ever growl. I'd get phantom food smells and cravings every once in a while but they pass quickly. Oddly enough, ~day 13 the stomach growling came back a little bit and has occurred a few times since then maybe once a day. In the last few days I've been starting to feel hungry again it is also pretty ignoreable and not constant but what's interesting to me is that it feels more real - like my body is really telling me we need to eat something now. I find myself craving things I don't even eat, a sunny side up egg for instance. The majority of my cravings now especially when I get those hunger signals seems to be for protein. I am a carb lover tbh but though I definitely think about carbs and sweets sometimes it is the proteins I find myself really craving in body and mind.
Looking ahead I've bought bone broth, deli meat, and am planning to get kimchi, miso, and kombucha closer to the day. I plan to take it extremely slow with a 5 day refeed of listening to my body and very low carbs up to the 4th/5th day. I'm actually feeling a little bit anxious about the refeed although I definitely feel like I'm ready to start eating again and feel like I have more control and have refreshed any sugacarb addiction that was likely under my surface.
Final note on the electrolytes/vitamins: I take a prenatal multi about every 3 days just a standard multi pill. I found the recipe for snake juice here to be way too much for me, I actually felt worse after having a full serving for 2 days despite also working out. I looked up the RDA on this website https://www.nal.usda.gov/human-nutrition-and-food-safety/dri-calculator Which actually uses your weight/age etc to give you an RDA, I found this to be much closer to what I need and what makes me feel good. I still found the sodium to be a little high so cut it just a little bit but stuck to the potassium and magnesium levels recommended for me there.
Any tips for the next few days, refeed, or comments and thoughts are welcome!

I finally published for the first time. Not the first time I've finished a novel, but certainly the first time I have actively published one .. one that I've been a little proud of. I know it's a long process to get noticed, or even start to see some traction in sales & downloads, but how do you go about promoting your novel? I feel like I'm stuck. 😕
Beginning of chapter one below - if anyone would like to provide feedback that would be lovely. 🙂
[2,310] It began like a surreal haze, a fever dream dancing with unknown figures swirling around her like a languid tornado, their movements seemingly slowed by some unseen force as she awoke to a world spinning out of her control. She found herself surrounded by strangers who moved like spectres in a dream, fragmented flashes who assaulted her consciousness - a woman gently pressing a cloth to her throbbing head, another offering sips of water while she coughed and struggled to swallow, a man peering down at her with a furrowed brow, and a mysterious figure lingering in the doorway with an unsettling glint of desire in his eyes.
The room buzzed with a quiet urgency as they hovered around her, their faces etched with concern and something else she couldn't quite place - an undercurrent of tension that seemed to pulse in time with her own racing heart. These disjointed images flitted in and out, creating a mosaic of fragmented reality. Awake, her body throbbed with pain; asleep, she plunged into a black abyss, time slipping away unnoticed. Each awakening brought the desire for oblivion as her mind plunged back into the depths of darkness.
Beth jolted upright, startled by the sharp bang of a car backfiring. A cry of pain escaped her lips as she attempted to sit up, her back and legs resisting her will. A woman, the same from her fleeting visions, hurried into the room with a damp cloth and a glass of water.
"Easy now," the woman spoke gently, her mild Spanish accent adding warmth to her sharp words as she pressed the cloth to Beth's forehead and helped her sit up, "you're weak, rushing won't do you any favours. The sooner you regain strength, the sooner you can move."
A man, the one with the odd expression in her visions, appeared in the doorway once again; "and the sooner we can leave this place, I'm sick of it." He grumbled, striding away with urgency and frustration. His steps were heavy and fraught with agitation, each one seeming to leave a deep imprint on the ground beneath him. His grumbling was like distant thunder, punctuated by the clenching of his jaw and the tightening of his fists.
"Don't mind my brother," the woman interjected sharply, "it's not you - he hates everyone." Hate, Beth pondered, wondering what she might have done to earn his disdain.
"Are you hungry?" The woman stood, walking to the other side of the room to adjust another pillow behind Beth's back. Beth nodded; "I'll get you some soup."
Left alone, Beth surveyed the room - beige walls, a shattered TV, torn brown curtains. She squinted at the notepad on the side table, revealing the branding - Mill Village Motel Eatonville. The coffee pod machine at the room's far end, covered in dust, hinted at a neglected past.
"You're awake," startled, Beth turned to find the man with the furrowed brow at the door - tall and dark, with piercing brown eyes, he appeared softer now, "how are you feeling?" Beth managed a brief smile before adjusting herself, wincing in pain. He rushed to offer a hand, and she took his arm to shift as he adjusted the pillow.
"Want to give walking a try?" The man's warm, brown eyes crinkled at the edges as he smiled down at her, his features etched with concern, his furrowed brow now smooth and his brown eyes sparkled with an unfamiliar kindness.
She shook her head, and the woman returned with soup and water; "she needs to eat before attempting to walk, Austin," she said, setting the tray before Beth.
"Then we'll try again tomorrow," Austin expressed, heading towards the door, "the sooner we leave, the better - we've been here for too long." His footsteps echoed with determination and authority, less frustrated than the other man's but equally resolute.
"I apologise if it's cold. Heating options are limited here. Need a hand?" The woman offered. Beth shook her head, the pounding of her headache resonating through her body.
"Well I'll leave you to it then. Shout out if you need anything, if you can talk at all." Beth glanced down at her bowl of soup, parting her lips as if to speak, but no words escaped. A deep sigh escaped from the woman's mouth as she turned and left the room, leaving Beth alone with her cold, untouched meal. The silence in the room was deafening, broken only by the sound of muffed chatter outside.
The days stretched longer as Beth's need for rest diminished. Boredom and confusion settled in, intensifying as the people from her visions became tangible presences, moving in and out of her room. They attended to her needs but seldom engaged in conversation. At night, their muffled voices in the adjoining room became a distant comfort, and the faint echoes of their arguments a source of intrigue.
"We need to leave," a frustrated male voice pierced through the thin walls, "we have to head further south before winter traps us with little supplies and an extra mouth to feed - considering you're all so intent on keeping this girl alive."
"This woman," a familiar female voice retorted, likely the one who had been caring for her, "needed help - I distinctly remember a time when I wasn't doing well and needed it too."
"You're my sister, of course, I wasn't going to leave you behind."
"I'm not talking about you, Luis," she yelled, "I'm talking about before you came back from Minnesota and found me."
"Why can't we just leave her here with some supplies and a gun. Why do we need to bring her with us?"
"Jesus Christ Luis we're not leaving her here alone and you two can have it out later," intervened another man, "but Luis is right - we need to leave before the snow settles in."
The argument faded into muffled voices again, and Beth strained to catch the words exchanged between the trio. A knock at the door startled her.
"May I come in?" A young girl, the same from her visions, had opened the door quietly without her even noticing. "I thought the yelling might have woken you." Beth nodded, maintaining her silence.
"I'm Chantelle." Her soft Southern accent flowed like a gentle breeze through a cornfield. She pulled up a chair beside the bed. "Luis can get into it with everybody, but he means well. Well, no, that's a lie. I don't know why I said that. He's a dick."
"I gathered," Beth whispered and laughed a little, suddenly overtaken by a violent cough.
Chantelle rushed to hand her water; "so, you do speak. From the way Austin and Val were sayin' it, it sounded like you were mute. I thought, you couldn't be deaf because you've been nodding and smiling like a dang puppet."
Beth laughed and took another sip; "I didn't really have anything worth saying until now. No one has bothered to make conversation."
"Your accent, where are you from?" Chantelle sat down on the wooden chair, her long dark hair cascading down her back in gentle curls. Her bright brown eyes sparkled with kindness as she looked towards Beth.
"Australia," Beth paused, realising she hadn't thought about home for a while, "I'm from Australia," she repeated.
Chantelle pulled out a deck of cards; "well, I figured you might be bored and needed a little human interaction that didn't make you feel like you were in a hospital."
Beth's eyes lit up, and Chantelle smiled; "what do you want to play?"
— — —
"What do you think you are doing?" Austin stormed into the motel room.
"We're leaving. Today," Luis' words cut through the air.
"The van's still in bad shape, and we won't survive this winter on foot." Austin's arms were folded tightly across his chest, the muscles in his biceps and forearms bulging with tension. His jaw was clenched, and his brows furrowed in frustration.
"Then fix the damn van!" Luis yelled, the sound piercing through the walls and resonating outside the motel room for others to hear the heated exchange.
"Oh, sorry, I'll just take it down the road to the mechanic, shall I?" Austin raised a quizzical eyebrow, smirking at his friend. The men paused their argument, exchanging laughter.
"Luis, what's going on with you?" Austin softened his tone, taking a seat on the other bed. "We've been friends since high school, grew up together, served in the army together. This isn't you."
"I don't know, man." Luis sat on the other bed, facing his friend, his face buried in his hands. He rubbed his face hard, threw his head back, and sighed heavily. "This just isn't—" he paused.
"Isn't what?"
"Isn't life." Luis gestured around the room.
"We'll get to the coast, find a boat, just like we planned." There was a slight taste of bitterness in the air, as if Austin's mild frustration was tangible.
"And then what?"
"Do the best we can," Austin stood up, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder, "we all have our dark moments, brother. You helped me get through mine, I'll help you get through yours."
Austin walked out of the motel room into the crisp morning air. The atmosphere was fresh, with a subtle scent of dew and grass. The sweet aroma of winter's imminent arrival filled the air, mingling with the faint scent of burning oil from their broken down van across the parking lot.
"Ben thinks he can fix the van by tomorrow. He found the parts we need on the other side of town." Val caught Austin as he had walked outside.
"He went scouting alone?" Austin looked across the lot at Ben, deep into the hood of the black church van they had found a while back.
Chantelle bounded up before she could answer; "Beth seems much better today. She's eatin' and drinkin' more. I think she could try walkin' today."
"Beth?" Val and Austin remarked in unison.
"Mmm, she speaks - she might have a lot more to say if either of you bothered to converse with her instead of just talkin' to her." She walked off towards Ben, a light air in her hopeful stride.
— — —
Austin found Beth sitting on the edge of her bed, her feet bare and dangling idly over the side. Her toes were curled, squeezing them tightly as she wiggled them back and forth. Her face was tense with concentration as she tried to alleviate the tingling sensation in her feet.
"Beth." His voice was soothing and calming, his words spoken with a gentle tone as he tried to ease Beth's discomfort.
"Chantelle?" She looked up at him, as he nodded, smiling gently. "She's a good kid." She smiled and looked back at her toes.
"Do you want to try walking today?" He walked towards the chair on the other side of the room and sat down as it creaked underneath the weight of him.
"The sooner I can walk, the sooner you can get out of here." She said with a sarcastic air, mocking Luis.
"The sooner we can get out of here." He repeated sarcastically with a smile, a light spread of jest washing over him as he joined her in mocking his friend.
"Your friend Luis seems to be very against bringing me along with you." She looked back at him.
"I'm not in the business of leaving people behind. Especially in Washington in the middle of October," he sat forward, leaning his elbows on his knees, "you wouldn't survive the winter."
"Then maybe you should have just left me to die." She turned her body to face him abruptly. He opened his mouth to speak, but she interjected before he could respond.
"Why did you help me? You don't know me, why did you even bother?"
"Like I said, Beth," he stood up, his wistful tone switching back to cold and dry, "I'm not in the business of leaving people behind." He walked over to her slowly.
"I've lost too many people. I've watched people kill others over a can of soup. I've seen friends leave friends behind to save themselves," he sat down on the end of her bed, "I don't leave people behind."
His brown eyes cut through his words like a thunderstorm. She looked at his face, tired and weathered from sleepless nights with one eye open to ensure his group's safety. She pegged him as their leader - strong and determined with clear military training.
"What happened to you?" She asked softly.
"What happened to you?" He countered; "I refuse to believe you survived a pandemic alone for six months in a foreign country."
She said nothing and looked back at her feet. They sat in silence for a while before he stood up and headed for the door.
"We're leaving the day after tomorrow. We need to head south before it's too cold, and we don't know how long the van or the car will last, so part of that might be on foot."
"I'll try walking today." Beth nodded obediently.
"I'll send Val and Chantelle in to help you." He replied, his voice maintaining the cold cadency.
"Thank you." She smiled, wriggling her toes as the numbness started to dissipate. Before he could leave, she looked up at him again.
"Austin?" He stopped at the door and turned to her. "I know you've all done a lot for me, including putting your friendship with Luis on the line, so thank you. But I have a favour to ask," her voice grew quiet, "before we leave."
"What is it?" He asked sternly at her audacity to ask for another favour.
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. He noticed her green eyes glisten with the added layer of acridity and the change in her demeanour; "before we leave, I need you to help me bury my husband."

Hi All-I was recently (after 3 months) diagnosed with hypoparathyroid.i am on month 5. I have 4 nodules on my thyroid. They are benign. I swing from 0.5PTH and average 2.1/2.2 on calcium. I experience the worst back stiffness which is like middle back cramp. Recently accompanied by leg and arm numbness and pins and needles. I am really struggling with the burning pain of the cramp and been put on vitamin D and 500mg calcichew. Nights are really bad as I cramp up. Can anyone please share their positive experience of this and their treatment? I am also undergoing autoimmune testing but after 5 months feeling v low. I dread bedtime and my partner is now getting stressed out as I struggle with pain even on lifting the kettle or changing the bed sheets. I used to workout daily and now the cramping is too much. Any advice massively appreciated.