It can feel exhausting and unproductive to invest time crafting a profile and remaining optimistic in the hopes of finding the right person.
Yet, amidst the sea of profiles, encountering a genuine connection is a refreshing rarity. What's perplexing is how quickly some individuals dive into intimate topics like love and sex after just a couple of messages.
Does putting yourself out there automatically label you as desperate for love? And for those still navigating the online dating scene, what has your journey been like thus far?

I’m having a hard time with my sexuality right now and I could really use some advice and to hear some stories from those confident in their sexuality. I know there’s often shitty unicorns and stuff in this sub(long time lurker), but this is a genuine post about my sexuality.
I’ve always known I like women. Since I was a kid I had crushes on them, but didn’t learn that being gay was “a thing” until I was about 14, when I met my first love who was female. Long distance but anything we did I loved. I never even thought about labelling myself because that’s not what I cared for, I just knew I was inlove.
We broke up and I went through a rebound phase. A guy asked me out and my loved ones told me to say yes to get over the girl, so I did, despite not wanting to. We didn’t kiss or anything, I had 0 attraction to him. I ended it after 2 months of hanging out and just told myself he just wasn’t my type. I met up with another guy for a hookup, because I wanted to try irl stuff, we did everything but sex but the entire time I wanted to leave and I hated it. I felt nothing from his touch and didn’t enjoy touching him. Again, told myself it was a once off.
There was online stuff with tons of women before and after this which I always enjoyed, tried it once or twice with men but wasn’t ever interested so just stopped with them.
Forward onto when I was 17, I started dating a cis girl at my school in my year. That’s when I lost my virginity to her. The sex was amazing, I loved everything about it. But I wasn’t feeling the personality and after about 7/8 months we broke up. We just weren’t compatible, nothing to do with her gender. After we broke up that’s when I started to wonder if I am lesbian. I had never had much attraction to men. That was until I met my ex. It felt like for the first time I had possible attraction to a man, but I wasn’t sure. We had sex and such, and I enjoy the physical feeling of a penis inside, but everything else doesn’t feel like it does with a woman. No excitement, no fun, anything like that. And straps exist which I am dying to try with a woman. It’s like women are ecstasy and men are water to me. I loved how he treated me, he was quite feminine and gentle. I wont go into detail but one he started treating me bad I broke up with him. I felt so relieved. Shortly after I met a woman and it’s like sparks lit up in me again, which I’ve never had with any man, only women. That made me realise I never had sparks with him. Now turns out she was bicurious and not ready to experiment so I respected that and we’ve became just great friends. There’s no longer feelings, but meeting her reminded me of how much I love women and how I simply don’t feel that way with men.
Am I forcing myself to try with men because of social stigma or comphet? I will never love a man the way I love a woman. How do I figure it out?

There's a new movement on social media called "Blackout 2024" sparked by celebrities' views (or lack thereof) on Palestine.
Context:
Last week's Met Gala highlighted the disparity between celebrity opulence and global suffering. Influencer Haley Baylee (real name Haley Kalil) posed in an extravagant floral gown, saying, "Let them eat cake" along with a TikTok sound. This phrase, attributed to Marie Antoinette, symbolizes an out-of-touch attitude toward the suffering of the masses. Although historians doubt she actually said it, the phrase remains a powerful symbol of severe wealth inequality.
Photos of the Met Gala flooded social media alongside images of Israel's attack on Rafah in the southern Gaza Strip. The stark contrast between celebrities displaying wealth and Palestinians mourning their dead shocked the world. People compared it to The Hunger Games, where the wealthy Capitol residents dressed opulently while children died in the games. The book series' author, Suzanne Collins, drew inspiration from flipping between Iraq War coverage and reality TV shows.
The Blackout 2024 Movement:
TikTok user @ladyfromtheoutside started the Blackout 2024 movement, frustrated with celebrities' silence on Palestine. "It’s time to block all the celebrities, influencers, and wealthy socialites who are not using their resources to help those in dire need," she said in a video with 2.5 million views. "We gave them their platforms. It’s time to take it back, take our views away, our likes, our comments, our money."
People have differing views on who deserves to be blocked. For example, some believe Billie Eilish should be boycotted for not posting about Palestine, while others argue her Ceasefire pin at the Oscars showed her stance.
Celebrities Respond:
Some celebrities have spoken out. Haley Baylee posted a nearly 9-minute apology video, explaining she wasn't an official Met Gala guest but a host interviewing celebs. She claimed ignorance on the Palestine issue, which drew backlash. Critics argued that in the seven months since the attacks began, there has been ample time to educate oneself.
Three days ago, Lizzo posted a TikTok sharing GoFundMe pages and organizations helping people in Palestine, Sudan, and Congo, stating she had donated to all three. Commenters pointed out the timing and questioned why a millionaire asked regular people to donate.
Impact:
The campaign seems to be making an impact. Haley Baylee's follower count dropped from 10 million to 9.9 million. Social media users claim Kim Kardashian also lost followers after her ambiguous "Free everybody" comment to a "Free Palestine" protestor.
Operation Blockout:
Online critics argue that events like the annual Met Gala, where elite figures from the fashion world showcase their extravagant styles, highlight the disconnect between such opulence and pressing social issues. As attendees dazzled in dramatic attire, protests in support of Palestine were underway just blocks away in New York City. This juxtaposition sparked the inception of "Operation Blockout."
TikTok users such as @blockout2024, who is credited with founding the celebrity blocking campaign, have called out several of the world's biggest names. Users, from Kim Kardashian to Taylor Swift to Justin Bieber, did not hold back. In one video, @blockout2024 said followers have "full control of celebrities' money and lives." "When we hate on them, they make money. When we praise them, they make money. But when we block their social media accounts and completely forget their names, they lose it all," he said. "The amount of attention we give them and the amount of engagement we give them is their direct currency. Take it from them."
Reducing celebrities' followers aims to pressure them to highlight issues in Palestine and Sudan. Jenny, a TikTok user from Vietnam, told The New Arab that "the genocide going on in Palestine" prompted her to join the campaign. "The algorithm of TikTok allows anyone, regardless of age, sex, or societal status, to go viral if their content aligns with the interests of other users. That's why the portrayal of any social issue on TikTok is non-biased and very authentic since it's the voice of mundane people like you and me," she said.
"I've never been able to comprehend the power of social media until I saw a whole movement to support Palestine, Congo, and Sudan start from TikTok. Especially among Gen-Zs, who are perceived to be the generation that's much more sensitive to social matters."
The 22-year-old TikToker reiterated that with power comes responsibility, adding that celebrities' silence has contributed to the miseducation of humanitarian crises worldwide. "I personally feel so much rage at why people can put so much effort into participating in a lavish event, which costs thousands of dollars while being completely ignorant of the fact that people are being bombed to pieces on the other side of the world," she told The New Arab. "The Met Gala 2024 depicted the imbalance of power and resource distribution in our society."

Is anybody else sick and tired of dating? Trying to meet the ‘right one’, if that even exists. Seeing relationships collapse around me, or long term situations where people sacrifice sooo much of themselves. I’m only 24, never been in a relationship. I think I’m fairly attractive, curvy, good personality. But the guys I meet are always looking to just get me into bed. I’ve tried everything, either I like them they don’t like me or see me past sex, or they like me but I don’t like them. I’m just TIRED of it all. I tried online dating, didn’t work out. I tried going out more, met some weird FREAKS! I’m usually okay with being alone, it doesn’t bother me much. But I just feel disillusioned like it’s not gonna happen for me. Love. Am I alone in this feeling? Does it get better?

Findom is Femdom. It's practiced offline, in the real world, in relationships all over the world. If anyone did like five seconds of actual research into BDSM, they'd know this.
Anyone I see ask about doing Findom in real life, or dating a sub, I am going to assume is:

1. Literally a minor, or
   
2. Has led an incredibly sheltered life, or
   
3. Can't conceive that woman would want to be dominant in their personal relationships, or
   
4. Think sub men are stereotypes of weak losers.
   If #4 is the case, check your baggage at the door, because that's an offensive stereotype and by that logic, submissive women are also weak losers. If you think it's different because gender, congratulations, you've drank the toxic masculinity Kool Aid and shouldn't be practicing a kink that requires subverting outdated and ignorant social/cultural beliefs in a safe and healthy manner.
   

Back to Findom. Findom is under the umbrella of Femdom. It's been around thousands of years. Fake Dommes on TikTok grifting their shitty guides didn't invent it three years ago.
While I'm at it, whoever told you it's money for just existing is full of something brown and stinky. It's never been that. It never will be that. If you've received "money for nothing," consider that you're simply a product they silently consumed, like renting a movie. A pornographic movie specifically, because no one spends money without getting anything in return. Their return was using you as a masturbatory aid (even if not literally). Or in some cases, masochism or self destructive behavior. But they still used you. And I'm not saying that's wrong, but y'all need to understand the reality of it, that this is what you've signed up for. As so many of us have been saying, Findom is sex work, and you're a product on the porn market.
When Findom is practiced as part of a real life D/s relationship, that aspect isn't there. It's no different than any other relationship. There's give and take and love and chores and bills all that. D/s is a kinky layer on top of a vanilla foundation. It's not the same as online (and so, so much more rewarding).
Online can be rewarding as well when you find someone you get on well with. I have some great conversations with my subs. I have many subs that I'm simply just friends with. I have a great community of other Dommes. I made that happen by treating everyone equally. By being social and friendly. My Twitter has zero bait posters and zero drama. If that's all you're finding, it's 100% on you. Get a better people picker and stop following the people who tweet shallow, tired Findom cliches. There's no shortage of experiences Dommes with engaging, intelligent content.
One last thing... where did this notion that Reddit has better subs come from? They're the same men. Findom doesn't change from one platform to the other. Men aren't "better quality" one place vs another. There's not a single social platform that won't have entitled men, incels, and scammers. So bury that notion or you're just going to be disappointed. If anything, Reddit has more entitled men because it's chock full of free porn. Muskrat has made adult content harder to find on Twitter, whereas Reddit has all the curated, free porn by the millions, easily searched and found, with literally zero barrier to entry. I would bet my savings account that there's far more minors on Reddit also. Now personally, I file that under "not my circus, not my monkeys," but if you're uncomfortable with minors seeing your ass in their feed, then just keep in mind... they absolutely are. You can't advertise on any social platform without that being a reality.

It’s only Tuesday, and I had a dude cancel a date the other day and block me out of nowhere on Sunday. A dude ghosted me on a date last night. I was feeling so low that a dude I hooked up with a few times messaged me later and said “come suck me or I’m blocking you permanently”. I was afraid to not be wanted by a man again, so I headed to his house so at least my mouth could be of value. He blocked me as I was pulling into his driveway.
It’s just the same story over and over again. Blocked, ghosted, not wanting more than sex(usually once then they ignore me). I’ve talked to thousands of guys online and in person over the last decade. I’ve gotten 3 dates with 3 different dudes, and nothing since. One dude didn’t like me so much that he later told me to not tell anyone we went on a date, but that I could say “we were friends hanging out”. No, I wasn’t misconstruing things. We repeatedly discussed going on a date.
I know I shouldn’t focus so heavily on relationships, but it hurts so much to never feel wanted. I’m ugly and have a shitty personality, so it’s partly my fault. I just find it hard to fake it. People keep saying that someone is out there, but from a logistical standpoint, they’re not out there. If I achieve triple what I’ve been able to in the last decade before I die of old age, I might barely make it to a failed relationship. I’m so bummed about all of it lately, and depression is sinking back in. I go back and forth between wanting to kill myself and just feeling nothing but anger. What do I do?
I don’t have anyone to talk to, so here I am…

Hi Reddit
I'm going to Japan for the first time in June + July for approx. 5-6 weeks. For the first three weeks, I'll be traveling with my partner and we will mainly visit Osaka, Kyoto, Nara, Kanazawa, parts of the Japanese alps and of course Tokyo. For this, we have all the accommodations booked and know more or less what to do. He will fly back mid-June and I'll have another 15 or so days in Japan on my own. It will be my first time solo traveling.
Because I don't want to drive a car alone (nervous driver, especially on the left side, plus would need to get my licence translated which seems really complicated), I will be using public transportation.
I'm generally interested in culture, food, nature/hiking. I don't speak Japanese.
After a lot of research and looking through various very helpful posts here on reddit, I decided on visiting Kyushu and Yakushima and came up with the following itinerary. I have booked all the accommodations plus the flight to/from Fukuoka and the ferry to Yakushima, most of the accommodations can still be cancelled. I have not yet set my eyes on any specific restaurants since I like to go with the flow/look what I'm in the mood for.
I am a bit nervous and I would really appreciate it if you could give me some do's or don'ts or recommendations.
Here's what I thought about:
Day 1 (mid-june): Tokyo Fukuoka

• Flight from Toyko to Fukuoka, arrive at 14:25
• Afternoon/Evening: explore the city, visit Tenjin.
• Eat at Yatai in Tenjin (not Canal City).
• Accommodation: WeBase Hostel

Day 2: Fukuoka 1

• Morning: Visit Nanzoin, approx. 30' by train form Hakata Station, 380 Yen
• Afternoon:
  • Ohori-koen, Fukuoka Castle Ruins, maybe Fukuoka Tower?
  • If still time: Daimyo (thrift stores, Cafes, etc)
• Bad weather option: Art Museum or Hakara Machiya Furusato-kan
• Must try food: Hakata Ramen
• Accommodation: same

Day 3: Fukuoka 2

• Day trip to Daizaifu+Yanagawa
  • Dazaifu and Yanagawa Sightseeing Ticket, ca. 3000 Yen, buy online.
  • Morrning Dazaifu: Daizafu Tenman-gu (Shinto Shrine), Tenkai Inari Shrine, maybe Kyushu National Museum
  • Afternoon: Yanagawa + boat ride
• Alternative: Arita, Imari and Karatsu (pottery towns; not sure if this is doable by train)
• Alternative 2: Yufuin? Looks very touristy/far ride.
• Accommodation: same

Day 4: Fukuoka Kagoshima

• Early train ride to Kagoshima, duration 2h, ca. 10'000 Yen.
  
• Buy Cute transit pass for two days at tourist information, luggage to accommodation.
  
• Afternoon:
  
  • Sengan-en for views + Iso-hama
  • Alternative: Shiroyama Park Observation deck, looks not as interesting as Sengan-en
• Evening: spend time at Tenmonkan
  
• Must try food: Kurobuto (black pork), Satsuma-age (deepfried fish cakes)
  
• Accommodation: Hostel in Kagoshima
  

Day 5: Kagoshima

• Day trip to Sakurajima
  
  • Ferry included in Cute transit pass
  • Maybe Sakurajima Nagisa Park Foot Bath
  • Take island view bus
  • Possible sights: Arimura Lava Observatory, Buried Tori, Yunohira Lookout
• Alternative: Ibusuki + sand baths (weather probably way too hot for that)
  
• To do: look up if Yakushima ferry will leave according to plan the next day.
  
• Accommodation: same
  

Day 6: Kagoshima Yakushima

• Take ferry at 07:45 to Miyanoura, Yakushima. Arrive at 09:45.
• Buy Yakushima Kotsu Free Pass at tourist information center.
• Explore Miyanoura
• Accommodation in Miyanoura (incl. Meals) for all 4 nights

Days 7-9: Yakushima 1-3
I don't have all the days planned since it all depends on the weather.
Explore Yakushima, possibilities:

• Hikes:
  • Shirantani-unsuikyo-tozanguchi Hike: duration ca. 4h, 300 Yen Entrance
  • Jomon-sugi Hike: Duration ca. 10h; bus ticket is separate and has to be bought a day in advance, take first bus.
• Other nice places:
  • Nagata Inaka-hama
  • Oko-no-taki
  • Yakusuki Land
• Onsen: Yudomari Onsen

Day 10: Yakushima Kumamoto

• Take ferry at 10:40, arrive in Kagoshima at 12:30. take Shinkansen to Kumamoto, Duration 1h, ca. 7000 Yen.
• Afternoon: explore Kumamoto
  • Kumamoto castle + park
  • Relax and plan day trips for the next two days, get bus tickets
• Must try food: Higo-gyu (Higo-beef)
• Accommodation: Hotel in Kumamoto

Day 11: Day trip to Mt Aso from Kumamoto

• Check if crater is open (www.aso-volcano.jp/eng/)
• Take bus (duration 2h, 1500 Yen) or train (duration 70min, 2000 Yen) to Aso station
• In Aso: get ticket at Sanko Bus Aso Office, take loop bus
  • See crater if open
  • Maybe Kusasenri
  • Maybe Daikanbo
• Accommodation: same

Day 12: Day trip to Takachiho Gorge from Kumamoto

• Look up bus timetable, reserve 1 day in advance
• Take early bus to Takachiho bus center, duration 2-3h, ca. 2700 Yen
• Walk to Gorge, duration 30min
• Take boat ride, reserve boat in advance online https://takachiho-kanko.info/en/boat_kagura/
• Eat Flowing water noodles
• See Takachaho Shrine
• Get back to Kumamoto
• Accommodation: same

Alternatives for Day 11 or 12: Kurokawa Onsen?
Day 13: Kumamoto Nagasaki

• Get to Nagasaki:
  • Option 1: train, duration 2-3h
  • Option 2: take ferry to Shimabara, then train, duration ca. 5h, visit Shimabara on the way
• Spend the rest of the day exploring central Nagasaki, depending on arrival time
  • Dejima
  • Canals of Nagasaki, Maganebashi Bridge
  • Suwa Shrine
• Accommodation: Hostel in central Nagasaki

Day 14: Nagasaki 1

• Morning: Norther Nagasaki
  • Nagasaki Atomic Bomb Museum
  • Nagasaki Peace Park
  • One-Pillar Torii Gate
• Afternoon/Evening: Mt. Inasayama Observatory for views, get there for sunset
• Accommodation: same

Day 15: Nagasaki 2 Fukuoka

• Check-out at hostel, leave luggage there
• Morning: maybe trip to Gunkanjima (not booked yet)
• Afternoon: visit sights I missed, maybe Glover Garden, Nagasaki Seaside park
• Late afternoon or whenever I'm in the mood: travel to Fukuoka, duration 1.5h, ca. 6'000 Yen
• Evening: check out city again, should be during Hakata Gion Yamakasa Matsuri
• Accommodation: Hostel in Fukuoka

Day 16: Fukuoka Toyko

• Flight back to Tokyo from Fukuoka at 09:45, arrive at 11:35
• Spend evening in Akihabara, last minute shopping
• Accommodation: Hostel in Akihabara

Day 17: Departure

• Flight home from Tokyo Narita at 11:35

Specific questions:

• Day 11 and 12: Does someone have advice on where to check train and bus timetables for those day trips? I saw some guided tours which would be very cool especially for Takachiho gorge, but the tours from "Explore Kumamoto" seem to be booked. The other ones I can find are really expensive, even though they seem to be self-guided and essentially just tickets for the public bus?
• Day 13: Is it worth it/doable to take the ferry to Shimabara and maybe explore Shimabara? Or is it just complicated and should I rather focus on getting to Nagasaki earlier?

Otherwise, do you think I'm making any big mistakes with this itinerary?
Thanks in advance!
Sarah

Around, late april, M(20) found out, my sister F(19) wanted to spend a weekend with her boyfriends house. My family is fairly conservative and boyfriends M(20) family is pretty liberal, he went to an international school and is not pure Filipino.
I'm from the Philippines where people are pretty conservative so naturally my Christian Family was taken aback, denied her from going despite her insistence and flew her back home as she goes to college really far away, this was during their ILW which is basically a week where all classes are online, so she technically had no class for a week. Now she's extremely angry why she wasn't allowed to go, angry at the whole family and me (because I agreed that she shouldn't have gone).
For culture context. Shes Still living at home, but has an apartment near the college. It's quite common for young adults who arent married to still live with the family, even when they have a job. Legally shes an adult, but unlike western cultures, we don't really have that concept of when your 18, "You can do whatever want", everyone is still closely involved, emotionally, physically, and financially. An parallel to this would be our financial culture, Where in western countries its quite common for 18 y/o to get a part time job, while not unheard of here, its not as common, our parents still pay for everything. Although me myself don't adhere to this, I work part time and go to college, which is already quite an outlier at 20.
I said that we wanted what was best for her and just want to look out for her, Early on our father jumped ship really early, and we also have history of unplanned pregnancies and women not being able to pursue their dreams (i.e stopping college) so that to probably motivated the reactions, when she was home they discussed it in depth on why such a thing wasn't allowed, at no point did we insist they break up, and I actually would prefer someone to be there for here when we cant. She keeps insisting the boyfriend who she's been dating for about 3-4 months now has the best intentions and they wouldn't be having sex.
I know this is a pretty liberal platform and most of you think that sex isn't a big thing but It is for our family, and allowing the eldest daughter in the family to spend a few days at the boyfriends place who we haven't formally met was out of the question, we've met on occasion but haven't really talked in length because her college is pretty far from mine. It puts a strain in our family and I want to know how to navigate the situation. I've already planned to meet and have lunch with the guy in a few days to get to know him, but would like additional input into the situation. I know not to aggravate her even more by disagreeing with her, and plan to actually to just give her safe sex advice instead, but I would just like to know everyone's thoughts on the situation.

I am [21F] and was raised in an Indian household. My parents are somewhat conservative/strict and interrogate everything I want to do. They are nice to me but they snap really quickly at me when I disagree with them.
For context, I went to a college outside of my hometown and I made a dumb plan of graduating early. I’m an electrical engineering major. I failed a couple classes because I rushed things and now at the summer of 2024 I have one class left (senior project II) which I can only take in the fall in-person. I live in a big city (don’t want to share my state’s name) and the class is located in another big city 200 miles away. This summer I am at my parents house not taking any classes.
I don’t want to be at my parents house at all, I want to be independent and live on my own. I love university because I love partying, hanging with friends, having sex with guys, wearing what I like, and living by my own schedule. At my parents house I have no friends and whenever I want to do something like even go out for a walk they won’t give me space.
I tried looking for internships outside of town but no luck. The only one I got was the remote internship which I worked for the last two years (summers). The last two summers were total hell. I was called a “fat bitch” for wanting to wear regular summer clothes and before that I was called dumb for refusing to hangout with a guy they wanted me to date. I had no friends those summers and every time I was around my parents (they pretty much wfh).
I don’t want to work the remote one because they will extend me a co-op and then full time and my parents will say the most logical thing for me to do financially is stay at their place. I am pretending like the remote job rejected me. I asked them if I can move to the town my class is offered in a month earlier but they said it’s an illogical move. My dad keeps nagging me to look online for remote positions and my mom keeps pushing me to talk to employers in town. All I want is to move out and not live with them. My dad even said that I want to move out because I have a boyfriend in the town my class is offered in. It’s nothing like that. All throughout high school I’ve been deprived of a normal American teen live. I finally lived it in college and now my life is gone again. My dad even said what’s wrong with being at home, we let you eat what you want as if eating is the only thing in my life.
I don’t have a car nor am I added on my parents insurance. I have a drivers license though and around 20k saved up. I’ll probably be stuck here for the rest of my life or at least for my youth. My entire 21 and 22 years are probably going to be at home rotting away. I’ll never meet men in the next five years. I’ll have no friends and no drama or anything interesting in my life. Sometimes I wonder if studying a hard degree was worth it. I feel like just ending everything. Even if i get a job out of town that’s in person my parents may not let me go. My mom is also fixated on me marrying an Indian man and she’s after the ones who don’t like me and have a no personality.

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• Species: dog
• Age: 10 weeks
• Sex/Neuter status: not neutered
• Breed: border collie cross
• Body weight: less than 5kg
• Clinical signs: vomited?
• Your general location: adelaide

This morning our new pup threw up in his crate after a run around the house while I showered, nothing substantial, just some brownish bile/sludge. No issue for the rest of the day. About ten hours later he threw up again after acting normal all day, mostly hair and cat kibble, so not sure what/when he got into either, little bit of brownish sludge. He ate his dinner immediately after with no issues. Is now napping normally.
I just found an ibuprofen tray that's been clearly chewed, and it had a couple of tablets in it, looks like he pulled an old tray out of the trash but I have no way of knowing if there are tablets missing. It looks like it would have been thrown out because the blister packets were partially open. Both ends were seriously chewed. Besides the odd vomiting which he's never done before he doesn't seem sick in any way, very playful, lots of energy. I suspected he was sick from potentially eating the cat crunchies from the trash but now I'm not sure??
I don't get paid until tomorrow but read online how serious poisoning is when left too long. would he be showing more serious symptoms by now?
He's drinking normally, peeing and pooping normally, and active as normal.

Idk what I'm going on about but honestly I am feeling exaughsted and over all just overwhelmed so it's a vent ig. I'm a fulltime college student, and a parent to a 1.5 y/o. Our apartment is a complete mess and to top it off it has an extreme infestation of roaches its the area mainly but also the mess isn't helping.
I live with my child's father which I will refer to as J and our dog. I try to prioritize spending time outside but honestly its exaughsting doing it all myself. J works 2 jobs (1 fulltime and the other weekends so defiantly alot) he is also a student part time online however I feel like the majority of the home load is on me. The dog or our son won't see the outside world if I'm not taking them. When he's not working he is "too tired" to come out with us so that leaves me and our non leash trained dog with our son struggling. I'm lucky enough to have a brother living close by who often times will Come with me if I pick him up.
However i feel completely drained. For starters we used to use my car for absolutely everything and it's Manuel so only I know how to drive it so that burned me out from driving so now I completely dread having to drive anywhere. Sounds dramatic but it's true. I also have a flex job I go to sometimes rarely but I recently committed to a new job for a weekend schedule and I recently had my first shadow day and my god idk if I can do it. The job entails looking after an autistic nonverbal boy and the 3 hour day felt like 12. It's one of those jobs where there's not much for you to be doing but you feel alot of pressure to be doing something. Mainly because I'll be in this little boys house with his parents for 9 hours just following him around and what not. I think I maybe in over my head with this one.
To continue I really want to commit to a healthy life style, but it's been hard because I've never had a healthy lifestyle. I try cooking but hate cooking and on top of that the dishes pile up and if I don't do them which honestly I haven't been they sit there forever. Overall the process of that is exaughsting. Once I'm done cooking I have to try to keep my kid eating (he's at such a busy stage he wants to walk around the whole time so I follow with food lmao) that's exaughsting but it's ok. I had a role of going to the gym daily but with all this and school I think it's gonna be a min until I can push myself into it again. I really want to but I can't bring myself to do it. Anyways since I dread cooking we eat out pretty frequently which makes me feel like a shit parent and a shit person I told myself I wouldn't feed my kid trash but here we are.
My dog unfortunately doesn't go out everyday since I'm at school or just drained. It breaks my heart because she is so sweet and deserves the best I just can't find a balance. I bathe my son brush his teeth and put him to bed all on my own since j works an overnight schedule. I also get up with him make him breakfast put him down for his first nap and leave for school while J sleeps.
J helps financially he covers majority of food costs and all of the rent. However I don't feel it's fair for him to choose to not do these things because he is "tired" or he has school work or whatever. I have school work and I'm exaughsted too? I still take them out pretty frequently for the majority of the day. My son is also in a whole ass daddy phase which kinda annoys me cause this dude really has the role of being a part time parent and my son likes him better? The dude hasnt brushed his teeth nor bathed him for probably more than a total of 5x.
Also I have no sex drive anymore its not shocking to me I'm doing way to much. However J makes sexual advances on me and I'm tired of that too. We have alot of problems. The majority involve me complaining about this unequal balance and him stating that it is equal and what he's doing is just as hard.
I appreciate what he does, but i don't think its enough being honest. If I had a career rn and was able to support my son and I on my own I would've already had my own apartment. I think it would actually be easier to just clean up after myself cook smaller portions less dishes. Idk maybe I would feel alive again? I feel like I'm working overtime with no pay every single day.
So anyways there's that ig. If you made it this far I'm assuming you relate so I'm sorry for you too.

My poor sister. She's my half sister, and she was unfortunately raised by nMom/egg donor. I was raised by my father and learned to spot egg donor's crap early in life. My sister was not as lucky. nMom had a solid 20 years to fully brainwash her and control the narrative and she's only just coming out of it now.
I was forced to move in with nMom, her husband, and their two kids when I was a teenager and my sister and I really bonded. I started "pranking" her by picking up her phone whenever she put it down and changing the language to one we don't speak, then putting it back. nMom thought it was funny until sister successfully used my "prank" as a reason to keep her phone locked, and not share the passcode with anyone as I proved I could watch over their shoulders and get the code that way. I was kicked out shortly after sis started questioning egg donor on some things, I went NC, and the world went back to how nMom wanted it. Sis and I lost touch.
Fast forward to now and sis is also NC with our egg donor and in a very healthy relationship with a nice man who convinced her to go to therapy. We reconnected. And started talking about the lies, specifically the ones nMom told sis and others that are so easily disproved.
nMom lied about her blood type. Who does that? She desperately wants to be or have a special medical case and told my sister she was AB- because she heard somewhere it was the rarest type. Sis and both have health problems, so between the info our doctors got from us and us knowing our own blood types and our fathers' blood types, nMom couldn't have AB- blood, unless she adopted or stole us. Since we both look identical to her and each other, we're pretty confident she just lied to sis. For some fucking reason. (We also called her father to confirm. She's O+)
Sis was told that my father cheated on nMom and that caused their divorce. They split because my father caught her cheating, which resulted in a child. The date (and result) of the paternity test and their divorce pretty clearly states what happened.
nMom tried to spin a story about her not getting custody of me because everyone ganged up on her and she had no choice. I showed Sis how to find court records from my hometown online and she found the dates nMom was in jail for kidnapping me and neglecting the affair baby, who was later taken away by the state and adopted out. The custody case for me ended with nMom voluntarily signing away all rights to me to avoid more jail time.
Apparently nMom also tried to claim that she voluntarily gave up Affair Baby as a teen mom and then got pregnant with me and married my father. I'm a little speechless at this one, but I guess she wanted to paint herself as a tragic victim who did the right thing for her daughters by giving one up and letting my dad take me. The truth is I'm the baby she got pregnant with as a teen, and she and my dad divorced because of Affair Baby, who was born 18 months after me. Affair Baby was removed from her custody due to neglect. I'm not sure how she hoped to keep this lie up.
Sis wasn't even told about Affair Baby until nMom randomly mentioned it to a friend in front of Sis and tried to spin the above story. Sis was 12 at the time and shocked. nMom fed her a ton of lies about the situation. I've put her in contact with the woman Affair Baby grew into via social media (she has a lovely family; we chat once or twice a year) so that's getting worked through.
When sis started dating, nMom's version of a sex talk was to horrify her with tales of nMom being bullied in school because she was pregnant. She persevered and graduated just in time to have me and/or Affair Baby, but it was hard and sis should learn from her mistakes and be smarter. I don't talk to our grandmother, but sis was able to reach out and grandma confirmed nMom dropped out of high school to marry my father and have me.
There's a lot more, but one that was really hard for us both to get through was The Night I Left. nMom told Sis I just left for no reason and they didn't hear from me again for years. Truth is, nMom kicked me out on my birthday because I caught her in a lie and called her out on it. And, as I later found out, she'd heard Sis asking me if she could go with me when I moved out. nMom convinced Sis I just didn't want Sis moving in with me so I'd moved out and ghosted them all. I was homeless for 2 months.
It was a very long, exhausting conversation to have with my sister. In the end she burst into tears and said "Sis... I think my whole life has been a lie."
She's got a hard journey ahead of her, and helping her through it is stirring up some stuff I thought I'd gotten over by now. Thanks for letting me vent.

Are there arrangements for people living in different countries? Have you had any experiences?
I recently turned down a potential SD because he was moving back to Europe and I live in the US. I wasn’t really open to the idea of visiting him internationally and he said that an online arrangement would be possible but I didn’t think it would make sense. Sure, I’d be making money, but what does he gain from me? He said that he enjoys simply talking to me (I’m quite the blabbermouth) and getting to see me dress up for him but I didn’t think it was fair to him. I really enjoyed his company but, personally, I’m not willing to have sex with a man outside of marriage and I feel like an arrangement wouldn’t be fair without some sort of sexual relationship.
Did I just lose out on a rare gem or do men actually want this?

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I can never tell if/when i’m having outbreaks and it’s so incredibly taxing on my mind. My first outbreak was a living hell, and I couldn’t see anything that resembled hsv (everything was just swollen and red.. hurt to touch and look around). I went to urgent care 3 separate times, thinking I had a bad UTI. They tested me 3 times for everything for it all to come back negative. Finally, on the third time, after insinuating I was basically out of my mind.. the doctor decided to do a physical exam. She went to put the crank of dread in, just stopped and said “ahh.. I see what’s going on here”. A few days later, hsv2 positive.
I’ve had very few sexual encounters, and have only been with committed, monogomous partners. My current partner MUST have given it to me, we’ve been together nearly 4 years, and he’s quite a bit older than I am.. he has a bit of sexual history. That being said, after my diagnosis.. he’s still yet to be tested. I don’t know if he feels bad, doesn’t want to know the truth, or what, but he is very touchy if i bring it up. This is unsettling.
Really, my main gripe here is.. I can never tell if I have an outbreak. I think I get them often, anally (though i’ve never even had anal sex 😭), because occasionally it becomes very painful to use the restroom, there’s bleeding, but when i look I can’t see anything that looks like the pictures i see online. I have no reference to what i’m actually supposed to see. I don’t know the effects of just taking valtrex if i don’t actually have an outbreak, or not taking it if i do.. it’s so mentally taxing.
Any advice or insight? Do i just take it?

Content warning: sexual assault, child rape, grooming.
I;23F, have had a very difficult upbringing. I was sexually abused by my father(70M currently) and my mother (62F) did absolutely nothing about the abuse. When I was taken into foster care, she was on my father’s side, saying I was making allegations against them and lying about them. My father went to prison in 2014, my mother realized that the relationship she was in with my father was very harmful and that she was also abused too. We have a lot better of a relationship now; but it still isn’t quite the typical mother-daughter relationship. I wouldn’t ever let her be around her grandchildren unsupervised because of that. If I ever have any.
But here is the thing. I was taken into foster care at 13 years old due to the neglect and sexual abuse in my parents care. Enter my sister, Lynnie(53F) Lynnie and her ex husband; Derek(51M) took me in at 17 years old when my foster mom kicked me out by saying I would seduce men(I was 15, a virgin up until the rape occurred with Derek.) and saying I would ruin their marriage. That was in October of 2017. Several months later, in February of 2018, three days after I got with my ex partner, was the first time that Derek cornered me and raped me. Gave me oral sex against my will, and did… I’ll let you finish the rest. This would go on multiple times a week for almost a year and a half until I was finally so suicidal enough I couldn’t take it anymore and I told Lynnie. And I told Lynnie when she asked why I didn’t tell her sooner was because she didn’t believe me when my foster mom was abusing me physically. I was being starved and physically abused.
Lynnie has never once picked her own children, or any children in her care; over any man. When Derek got on to me and my niece(Bailey; 21F) she would be on his side. When he hated the fact I was bisexual and that Bailey was too, she hated it too. She still hates it to this day. Bailey told her that Derek made a pass at her at 14. But it took me being raped at 17 for her to finally realize it was all true.
She talked to my niece when they first separated. And my niece told me tonight that Lynnie blamed me for the rape when it first happened. Just like she did for the abuse my foster mom did to me. Just like the abuse our dad did to me. She blamed a 17 year old girl for “seducing” a grown man. A GROWN FUCKING MAN.
I have been ready to cut contact with her for a long time because of her letting our sister, Cyndi, age 50(passed this year due to stroke) keep all of her boyfriends who would grope me in the house and wouldn’t care that I was the only one paying rent. As if it wasn’t me who was working my ass off and then on top of it, blaming me when I took a day off of work because I thought my rapist was following me to my work. I WAS FUCKING SCARED. I was fucking 18 years old and scared I was gonna get cornered in my own work.
And now my niece telling me that when she first got into contact with her; she told her that it was my fault I “seduced” him. And that I “seduced” every man due to the sexual abuse I went through from our father. I was a little girl. I was not a woman. I never seduced a man. That should never be in a persons vocabulary, a minor “seducing” a grown man!?
It’s the grown man’s fault. You don’t ever go after a minor, let alone also one who has been sexually abused and one you can take advantage of. You should never go for a minor. At all. Ever.
Minors don’t seduce people. People who are grown seduce people.
And I can’t think that my own sister would think that about me. At 17 that I seduced her ex husband into molesting me.
I didn’t seduce your ex husband. I was a minor. He raped and groomed me and you want to be upset that I want my name changed because when you look me up online it links me to him!?
Please. Please give me some encouragement I’m doing the right thing. Because I’ve been staying up at night and tossing and turning thinking about how sick she has absolutely made me.

Found out one of the guys I work with is a convicted rapist.
Found his sex offender registry online and learned it happend in 2020.
Anyone else work with someone that did a hienous crime?

I (34 F) dating a new and incredibly attractive man (34 M), and I'd like advice on whether or not it's love bombing/future faking or if he's stating his goals and needs. Please help! Green flags, or red flags? Mixed? It's long feel free to skim!

• We met online. His profile states he wants a LTR with taking things slow and not committing too early. He also really wants children. He asked some of those harder questions on the first date, and then texted a follow up "I'd like to see you again. I think there's potential."
• On our second date we made out. He didn't expect it, I did, but neither of us wanted sex that night. It was true for both, as he said he wants to try old school, wait until there is a stronger connection. He says he's looking for a future wife.
• I only have one ovary and was upfront about that. He then replied "so if we were to try one day, it would take us longer."
• We talked about sex! I love it. Wants, needs, some experiences. I'm all in on that. He mentioned a few times things like, trust me all guys like that. Next time you have a boyfriend, and not saying it's me, most men like this. He talked about keeping things fresh, as it can be hard with relationships and said "if we were together 10 years" I'd still want new things, then said "I don't know why I keep saying that."
• He wants to take it slow and suggested waiting a week before date number 3. He makes it clear and reassures me that he had a good time, will see me soon.
• We text. He made it clear we can text often, but acknowledge he's not the best at texting and he's working on it. Some days it's a check in. Sometimes a couple days go by. Sometimes we have philosophical messages. I think we both have ADHD (I for sure do) so we'll both do walls of texts equally. I grilled him about taking accountability, last time he apologized. He says I'm easy to talk to, he appreciates my open mind. I also express gratitude.
• Speaks highly of his exes. Shares a dog with one (I share a dog with my ex).

I was in a narcissistic/trauma bond relationship for many years. I have done a lot of healing and exploring in the year I have been out of that situation, however, I am so concerned about falling into this again. I believe my gut and intuition will stop this from happening, but I'd rather end things sooner than later. My gut says he's safe, and it feels that way. But, my compass may be off and this feels comfortable vs safe. Or, I'm just paranoid and getting in my own way?

made a Tennoji osaka apartment booking off booking.com the other day. got there, decent place, separate shower toilet, deep bath, sat in the room and drank beer. browsed the intraweb and my recent online credit card statement. there were two new charges from another major travel booking site, let’s call it Ted, for about the same price give or take a few yen that I paid for the tennoji spot. hadn’t used Ted in 5 months though. it set off fire bells. I moved to nara on another booking.com booking in the meantime. it was a typical business hotel with no separate shower toilet. the next morning a third payment from Ted came through. I found Ted’s complaints site off Reddit. You can usually find stuff like this quicker on Reddit than anywhere else off the net. Nice one for that, Reddit 👍 I mailed Ted and within minutes I got semi-automatic shitty responses from Jill and Pradat and John asking for my Ted booking number, well duh, there’s no fucking Ted booking number that’s why I’m belling you guys. I got off the iPad, pulled a hundred grand out from the nearest atm and cancelled my credit card. it started raining hard ( yesterday ) grim cold May rain. I called up SMBC, my bank. they said a new card wouldn’t be sent automatically to my address after I cancelled which is contrary to what they said on the internet when I did it. I really need a card asap. so I went to nara SMBC branch in the pissing rain. a middle-aged broad at the door, with a mask on and eyes that communicated she’d dealt with too much of life’s shit already said credit cards and cc fraud weren’t their problem. I went back to the business hotel with no separate shower toilet and called SMBC again, spoke to a helpful lady, then went back to nara SMBC at her instruction in the pissing rain. Nara got on the boat this time and a new card is being sent to my Tokyo address as we speak. one hopes. the next day a nice lady from the SMBC fraud department came through on the phone with a very clear and affirmative voice.. perfect English, straight to the point, syrupy voice, intelligent, some bonafide jason borne executive clearance on my part. she said, “we will cancel these charges, don’t be in any doubt about that. but you won’t be able to use your TED account again, is that ok ?” “Yes that’s more than fine.” “Ok good, that’s all for now then,” she said, “goodbye. “
It wasn’t even Ted’s fault, it’s some advanced scamming shit crawling through our web at pace so do be careful , again,