Making methamphetamine from adderall

I've been taking Vyvanse since the beginning of the year. I started around the beginning of the year at 30/40 mg, and have been at 60 mg for at least a month now.
I switched off of Adderall, mostly because it just wasn't working. And at first it definitely gave me some heightened anxiety/side effects but they did wear off, so I'm used to being patient with side effects from ADHD meds.
The Vyvanse has been pretty smooth for the most part side effects wise from the get go. My clinician upped me to 70 mg, because we wanted to see if it'd be more effective. I started it two days ago (also right after missing a day on my 60 mg prescription by accident).
I've been hit pretty hard with side effects though, and it kinda surprised me. I'm mostly experiencing anxiety, suppressed appetite, and this sorta funky numb/depressive feeling. Can't quite describe it. It's been pretty uncomfortable, especially the numb/depressive/zombified feelings.
Is this normal? I've been surprised at the intensity given how smooth Vyvanse has been till this point. I'm gonna wait it out a week or so to see if it subsides, I generally am pretty sensitive to medication so I prefer to be patient. Always thought Vyvanse was the exception, but maybe at 70 mg its not.
I do plan on talking to my clinician but they are on vacation this week. But of course, if the side effects get very bad I'll make sure to get medical attention.

Hello, it has become clear to me that romantic fulfillment is a fruitless pursuit, and in a bid to avoid unnecessary suffering, i would like to kill any romantic or sexual desires i may have.
I lack the social grace to charm people, and i have nothing to make up for it. I am prone to limerence, which has lead to some terrible spinouts that are often only visible to me in retrospect. I don't really have an issue making friends, people seem to like me. However, I am terrible at navigating anything more than a platonic friendship.
21, male, Never dated, not due to lack of trying, but rather lack of opportunity, I live in the middle of nowhere, and never went to public school (homeschooled + online college). Real bad ADHD, probably somewhere on the spectrum, on antidepressants, and im sure a litany of other problems i could be diagnosed with.
So far, ive found that, ironically, stimulants are the best answer, at least for sexual desire. Adderall turns me into a eunich for a soild 5 hours a day. Caffeine and nicotine are also highly effective, though the effects last much shorter. I didn't notice any real effect from the SSRI im perscibed (citalopram), maybe a slight dulling in desire. Weed and alchohol are classic "thoughts-b-gone" tools, but they also greatly restrict your ability to do much exept for sit on the couch, at least in effective doses.
Overall, im not looking for a pep talk. If i wanted that, im one google search away from hundreds of websites trying to sell me dating coaches or Betterhelp subscriptions (funny that people just kind of forgot about that whole "unlicensed licensed therapist" thing, those checks gotta be fat).
What I want is an off switch.
If all I have to do is "wait for the right one", id rather not suffer while doing so.

I'm 17 and I've tried to kill myself 3 times by hanging and reason that didn't work is because I don't have a rope, I used an extension cord. I think about suicide every single day every hour only reason I'm even alive still is cause I can't find a method to do it I've tried ordering (won't name it but it's poison) a substance online but couldn't buy it cause I'm not 18 yet ii spend at least an hour a day looking on google earth for a spot to jump and die at but the area I live has no high spots unfortunately so it appears unless I figure out how to hang myself, I'm stuck here until I find a method/spot
so basically how I ruined my life is that I dropped out of high school and have been doing nothing since I'm a failure at everything and have no energy to even go outside I'm not a good person but I'm not a horrible human at the same time I don't understand why I'm even on this earth I don't understand the concept of life or why people who arnt rich even enjoy it I was born into a family that's more towards the non-wealthy side
ever since I was a kid I've never had goals in life funny enough that was a question that was brought up in school a lot I've never been able to answer the most simple things in school for ex. questions like your goals, what you did that day, who are your hero's, favorite shows, random shit like that I've always felt different from everyone else and I know I am, I'm undiagnosed with everything but I'm pretty sure I have many mental illnesses I know for sure I have depression and very very severe social anxiety (I can't handle normal conversations using my voice with people I don't know) I can't even talk to people online with my voice I always just tell them I don't have a mic also I think I might have ocd or something to do with patterns cause I used to be so obsessive with patterns if I didn't end my path on my right foot id half to step off and back on or just go all the way back where I started, and another thing is adhd when I used to go to school I would be so unfocused no matter how hard I tried if I tried my best to focus I would focus too much on the fact that I need to focus and somehow my teacher would explain everything and id be lost
my school life was horrible for me ii want to go back so bad so I can at least have some sort of chance at life, but I know I'd be so miserable I don't even know why it was so bad for me it's not like I got bullied or anything I had friends not close friends but friends I didn't talk to anyone outside of my friends and I never had a girlfriend (I girl liked me once but I walked away because of my social anxiety) I would just sleep through every class until the day I stopped going I missed more than half of freshman year and half of sophomore I went like a month of junior year until I dropped out
it's not like I'm a dumb or horrible looking person idk if it's just me being bias towards myself but I'm decently smart I learn things quickly and I'm average looking but my main flaw is that I've never been able to process the first step in anything it's like the first step in anything is mentally impossible for me to get over. I've always had potential and I think that's what's going to sting the most after i end it
every day after to me seems like an endless loop and I'm stuck in it without a way out I've made some friends online (we all don't speak) but I'm still so miserable I can't do anything I feel like I'm so stuck I've tried to ask my grandpa if I can get tested for adhd but he just said "you can't have it that's when u jump all over the walls and stuff" obv he means people who have a lot of energy and to an extent he's right I do nothing but play games all day to cope with the fact I hate myself if I'm not playing games I'm browsing suicide forums or reddit communities based on suicide I want to get my GED or something but it's like I don't have the energy to make the first steps at all
also this happened recently but I found Vyvanse pills (stimulants for people with adhd) I took 5 (I know I shouldn't have) and I felt so much better like I was actually happy and I felt like I could actually do things (I wasted 4 playing games cause I was a lot better when I took them though) with my last one I actually went outside I didn't go out for a good reason though I had the energy I needed so I went out to check out a cell tower to climb so I could do what the forum name is only reason I didn't do it is cause it was gated but it still gave me motivation to acc do stuff I ordered more Adderall pills online from the dark web after they get delivered I'm going to use them so I have the energy to kill myself.
I honestly don't know why I wrote this I think I just needed to vent it's all over the place but oh well hopefully one of my family members use my pc and read this after I die so they can understand how miserable I was or something
if you have any ideas of how I can get my life back on track lmk.

Already posted this is shrooms but thought I would post here as well. This is very important: I DO NOT CONDONE THE USE OF SUBSTANCES this is for educational purposes only
A little backstory, I’m 19M and have stuttered all my life. I’m not a very self conscious person but stuttering is my kryptonite. When I say I stutter I don’t mean I trip up on words hear and there I mean nearly every word I say can take me anywhere from a second to 30 seconds if I’m really having a bad block. A good portion of my life revolves around my stuttering. It dictates anything from my major in college to even the food I eat. It makes me feel less than human and is stopping me from being the person I want to be, at least that’s what it feels like. Through the years I have naively taken substances when I was far too young to both experiment and suppress the anxieties caused/formed by my stutter. Some of the substances were prescribed like Xanax and adderall while others I took to recreationally like MDMA, MDA, shrooms, LSD, alcohol, weed and some other more niche compounds. Most of there were done at wayyy to young of an age and I wouldn’t doubt it some of these causes lasting side effects even the LSD and shrooms which are physically safe. I stopped taking those drugs besides weed and alcohol until this year. (Sorry for the long backstory started rambling)
Fast forward to now me and three of my friends went on a climbing road trip with the first destination on our trip being Zion. We planned to take a 1/8 of GT each besides for my one friend who was going to take 2.5 since it was his first time. We took them on an empty stomach and started walking to our pre planned spot. They start hitting and fast, I have a decent bit of experience taking shrooms and have taken up to 5g with a good bit of experience of taking around 1/8 but these hit me like a train. We settle down in our spot when my friend who’s first time it was doing shrooms takes off with no shoes on in Zion national park without saying a word. It took us a while to realize because prior to taking off he was chilling in a dead tree near by and thought he needed some alone time. Anyways the three of us that are left start getting worried and we don’t know what to do. My one friend starts looping, saying “where’s __” over and over again but unfortunately repeating his name doesn’t summon him. At this point we are stopping balls and have no clue what to do but wait and hope he returns. I tried to calm him down saying he will be fine but honestly I wasn’t sure but at the time we couldn’t come up with a plan to find him (we did go looking for him but we were looping so hard there was no chance). This caused a lot of subtle anxiety for the first part of our trip with my one friend ever minute or so saying “where’s __” still. Our lost friend eventually appears out of the brush looking like a 6” 3’ hobbit it was quite a sight. I was scaring thinking he was off having a horrible trip or got hurt but the first thing he says is I quote “I know everything” to which I laughed and though to myself I have had that thought before this kid is tripping balls. Anyways we were all very relived but he tried to leave again saying he was feeling better away from the group which I get we probably weren’t giving off the best vide at that point but we didn’t want to stress over losing his again so I decided to tag along. This is where the stuttering backstory comes in, sorry again for the long post I wasn’t expecting to give a full trip report but here we are.
I was sitting with him on a tree nearby when we started taking about what he had just experienced/ is experiencing. It was very broken English but he was saying how we are all one and exclaimed how beautiful the whole experience had been and started asking me question about my trip and past trips. We somehow got to the topic of anxiety and the cause of it. When I started thinking about it I started to have very basic but meaningful realizations about my anxiety surrounding my stutter. I started speaking to my friend and rarely stuttering and even when I did, I didn’t care one bit, the anxiety I usually feel in the back of my throat wasn’t there and I could speak for the first time in my life. The whole we are all one mind set along with the heavy ego dissolution made me not care about if I stuttered or not it was beautiful. I felt like I could talk to anyone and not have the weight of my stutter glooming over me. I realized they are just people and their judgment (if they even are judging because the assumption that they are judging me is egotistical in a way since I am assuming they care about me enough to judge) shouldn’t effect the way I carry out my life and stop me from being happy. I also thought I am the one causing this anxiety for myself and all of this worry is for nothing since why be shameful about something I can’t change. I would always try to tell myself these things in my day to day life but I never really felt it. When I was tripping I was able to feel these thought and look at them in a new perspective I have never been able to in the past. No amount of alcohol, Xanax, MDMA or any other drug for that matter could have shown me that. During the trip I though I had cured my stutting even telling me friend I think I won’t be stuttering any more after this. Unfortunately this wasn’t the case but now I know it’s possible to reach that point, I feel I should have done a better job integrating my trip but there is still time and I plan to work on it. Maybe I say fuck it and pull a Paul stamets instead ha no jk. Anyways that’s a long story long sorry it was so drawn out and all over the place this wasn’t even the full trip but some of the more important bits. Hope you got something out of this but it was more of a vent because as one would image verbally telling a story to someone feels impossible with a stutter so it feels good get it out somehow.

Hi, I just turned 23 last year, I make ~50-60k/yr I have a finance degree from what (post my graduation) just became a D1 school. I have a nice apartment, own my car, ~$35k savings, NO college debt (my mom works at a university and I got accepted into the tuition exchange program and didn’t live on campus), no girlfriend, no friends who have any goals that place them outside of where we all grew up and didn’t go to college, I’m amazing at building relationships and love doing it. I help manage a startup branch of a larger supplement company and things are going horribly cause I’m not making as much money as I’d like and I honestly don’t LOVE the industry. I love the job, just hate what I’m doing it in if that makes any sense.
I’m smart enough to know that something is not right. I’m in normal shape, not jacked but definitely not fat. I’ve barely been eating but also take 10mg of adderall a day. I smoke weed every day and drink 4/7 days a week, 3/7 I’d say I actually get drunk on.
I hate everything about my life currently, but feel trapped and don’t know how to get out. People around me would love to be in the situation I’m in as far as assets and comparable success at my age—especially being part of the college group that DIDN’T drop out or take a break during covid.
I just stopped going to therapy because there is literally so little going on in my life (there’s not very much work to do at all) that there literally aren’t any REAL problems to talk about.
This is the part where a lot of people think I need to just relax and keep saving and grow slowly, but that just feels so wrong. It would feel like I am settling if I did that. I need constant growth and the ability to keep learning. I’ve run out of things (career and people wise) to learn about. I hang out with people I’ve known for a while who are doing nothing and have a job that is doing the same thing.
Help

Hi,
I am currently a college student and I suffer from Bipolar type 1.
I have been doing alright since my first episode last winter. But lately I can't seem to concentrate and it's really frustrating. I have this 1,000 word paper that's five days overdue and I can't concentrate on it. I feel lost. I thought about telling my professor what's going on and begging for more time, but I am really embarrassed. I am 85% done with my degree and I have hit such a wall. It is starting to make me depressed. I am on 30mg of adderall but it seldom seems to help.
You guys got any advice for staying focused? I swear I am just bouncing from one thing to another and its killing me.

Hi all,
I've been taking 20mg of Adderall XR for ADHD 6 days a week since October 2021. For quite a while now (over 8 months) I've been getting sporadic low-grade fevers (anywhere from 99.5 to 101 degrees farenheit) at least three times a week, usually within the same time interval each day (I take my meds at 8AM, notice fevers anywhere from 2-6 PM ish?). My psychiatrist denies that Adderall could be causing this, but I've noticed that the fevers really only occur on days that I take my meds. It's possible that this is correlation and not causation, since I'm less stressed/sleep a little more on my day off, but I'm pretty worried, especially since the fevers come with brain fog and general malaise that makes it hard to do work. Has anyone else experienced this?
Any help is appreciated.

Hi all,
I've been taking 20mg of Adderall XR for ADHD 6 days a week since October 2021. For quite a while now (over 8 months) I've been getting sporadic low-grade fevers (anywhere from 99.5 to 101 degrees farenheit) at least three times a week, usually within the same time interval each day (I take my meds at 8AM, notice fevers anywhere from 2-6 PM ish?). My psychiatrist denies that Adderall could be causing this, but I've noticed that the fevers really only occur on days that I take my meds. It's possible that this is correlation and not causation, since I'm less stressed/sleep a little more on my day off, but I'm pretty worried, especially since the fevers come with brain fog and general malaise that makes it hard to do work. Has anyone else experienced this?
Any help is appreciated.

So i (30m) have taken adderall from age 6-14 then nothing then i started taking adderall again at age 28. My doctor wants me to switch to a SSRI due to my age and fears it coukd affect my heart. I like adderall because it gives me a burst of energy and makes me feel good but honestly it doesn't help with the forgetfulness and motivation to do things. If i take it right before something important i can get up and go but honestly thats it and seems to fade. Also if i forget to take it my wife (33f) says i nod off alot and I have terrible moods even if i don't feel any different. Is there anything that helps with motivation and memory or is this just behavioral changes i need to make and the adderall is doing its job? What was your experience shifting from an Stimulant to an SSRI?

anyone else have this problem? im excessively sweating, especially at night when sleeping. and having restless legs. went from 5mg to 10mg. im also on 30 mg adderall IR in the morning/afternoon. I take lex at night because it makes me sleepy.

My girlfriend (F38) and I (M37) have been together for 3 years and have a 20 month old son together. Their motheson bond is huge, and it is quite apparent that they love each other. The two of us, as partners and parents however, are struggling.
When we met through a mutual friend in 2021 things were great. We could both say that it was the best relationship of our lives. She moved in with me 3 months after dating and was pregnant 4 months after moving in.
We both have some issues with substance use/abuse. I smoke an obscene amount of weed (legal where we live) and she likes to drink to the point where she has admitted that she struggles with alcohol addiction. (She also helped me realize that I indeed struggle with cannabis addiction myself.)
When she was pregnant in 2022 I was unable/unwilling to quit smoking. The smell bothered her greatly when she was pregnant and said that it was the cause of her unbearable heartburn. I did cut back, but not in any truly meaningful way. We had our first big fight while she was pregnant, and began fighting more and more, and in bigger ways.
She had birth complications in the hospital and the doctors trying to induce her pregnancy caused a lot of vaginal pain and trauma for her. So much so that she had to schedule a C-section. As a result of that trauma, we haven't had sex, aside from two times, since our son was conceived. (One of which was when she was freshly pregnant)
In fall of 2023 she was closing the bar she worked at and was chased to her car by a strange man. She quit working then which ended up placing a financial burden on me and our relationship.
In Spring 2024 she started a social media management company and started doing social media at a bar she used to work at.
In May 2024 we got in another huge fight and she told me that she wanted to break up. (She had said that before but this time she started looking for an apartment) I also found out that she was talking to one of her male friends who works at the bar and had developed an emotional relationship with him and were texting back and forth but assured me that it was never physically (which I do believe). When I found out I told the guy to back off or I would tell his girlfriend, and she tried to act like I didn't have a leg to stand on because we "already broke up." (She told me that she wanted to break up on a Wednesday, and on the following Saturday I found out that they had been texting about the possibility of hooking up. But the two of them had been texting about non work stuff and flirting before she actually broke up with me)
We both have traumas, her more than me. Mine are all relationship traumas from being in emotionally abusive relationships and being cheated on. Hers go deeper: her dad left the family when she was young, her late mother and her had a love/hate relationship, She was physically abused by a fiance, She was cheated on multiple times by an ex-husband, She had a traumatic birth complication, and she was assaulted (chased) by a man at night leaving work.
Because of her trauma and anxiety she talks to me in a negative and aggressive way pretty often. She always used to say "I'm from the Northeast, this is just how we talk." But I think there is unresolved trauma that makes her lash out at me. She also spends a decent amount of time out at the bar "working" but also hanging out. (I also spend my fair share of time blazing in the garage) I also think she may have General Anxiety Disorder coupled with lingering postpartum depression. She used to be prescribed adderall for ADD but stopped taking it when she got pregnant. Shortly after our son was born I found her a therapist to talk about postpartum depression, but she wouldn't follow through with making the appointment.
Since she stopped working in September 2023 (after being chased) I have gone into debt covering all of the household bills and her personal bills. I pay the mortgage, I give her money to pay bills and student loans, I buy all of the groceries, I buy her vapes, I give her a few bucks to grab a drink or a coffee when she is out, She watches our son while I am at work two days a week and my parents watch him the other 3 so she can do her social media job and project management job. I also feel like when we are home together, she is too overwhelmed and I end up being the one to take care of our son. (Oftentimes on the weekend she sleeps in while I get up with our son because she is often a grumpy/angry morning person)
It is also worth noting that I bear the brunt of her attitude. Our son gets the happiest, most engaging mother when they are interacting together. Friends and acquaintances get the cool, funny, laid back version of her (unless she is calling someone out for something social justice related)
She also doesn’t have a valid ID because she let her out of state ID lapse when we first got together, and doesn’t have her old marriage/divorce paperwork together to get a new one. Because of her anxiety, and my enabling, she hasn’t had a license for over 2 years. Furthermore, she drives my second car uninsured (sometimes after drinking)
The bottom line is that I still love her immensely and can't imagine my life with anyone else. She has expressed nothing but confusion and ambiguity for what our future holds. One minute she is talking about getting an apartment, the next she is talking about what kind of flooring we should put in the basement. She said that she doesn't want to see other people or anything, she just wants to get her life in order, and that she can't do that with me.
Has anyone else gone through anything similar? Any advice is welcomed.

Why?
It’s NOT the workload, at all. You guys will definitely be able to handle that although it can pile up at times. It’s the high pressure, competition, and high school like environment. It was truly terrible but I got through it and so will y’all… and fyi I had multiple years off and breezed through undergrad with a 4.0
My advice is to keep your friends and family close. You will have to fight to take care of your mental and physical health. FIGHT for it. Schedule therapy monthly, force yourself to go to the gym, force yourself to get out of the law school bubble periodically.
I didn’t do enough of the above and I feel mentally and emotionally exhausted. My skin broke out and I lost so much hair. It’s REALLY easy to ignore your needs and end up in a bad place mentally/physically, just know that. Full disclosure: I had to take antidepressants lol.
Here’s a summary of my 1L experience. All closed book exams (except for one), some professors not giving us practice exams, professors not making expectations for assignments or exams clear and having to press them for information. A lot of chill people, yes, but a lot of bitches (for lack of a better word) and highly insecure people. Extremely cliquey from the second week on. Competition was palpable at all times during the year. Everyone on adderall. Asking for notes/outlines was taboo. Most people are not open about how much they are struggling, so it can feel like you’re the only one going crazy. But it’s all a facade.
Sorry for the very negative post but I wish I read something like this one year ago. Enjoy your summer and good luck!! 1L year will not be easy but you can make it better.
Edit: Context might be useful here. I’m at a decent tier 2 school. I have friends across the spectrum of schools (T4 to T14) and I think the experience has been pretty consistent. I imagine at a T14, there might be less pressure since everyone is expected to have a great outcome. But my friends who go to those schools are still struggling, even if they’re not worried about being able to find a job (or a biglaw job) at all. And I would also like to think there are those (lucky) people who actually enjoyed 1L. TL;DR 1L might not pan out the way I describe it here. Keep an open mind!

(24f)So tomorrow will be my first time going into pain management. I have muscoloskeletal pain in my neck and low back from multiple horse back riding accidents and being rear ended at a stop by someone going 83mph. I have a herniated disc in my L4-5 with nerve root impingement but with out leg pain. I also have endometriosis and migraines. My Pcp has been wonderful in trying to help me and has sent me through PT twice where we tried acupuncture, dry needling, trigger point massage, muscle scrapping, exercises, and sent me home with a tens unit which i still use.When that didn't work she tried various meds including muscle relaxers like flexeril and robaxin , nerve medications like gaba and lyrica, NSAIDs, naproxen, and various lidocaine cremes. She even send me to a spine specialist and we tried a epidural steroid injection that unfortunately didn't work. For awhile she was prescribing me 10mg hydrocodone/ 325 acetaminophen with the robaxin and the combination works fantastic at allowing me to function through out the day. She unfortunately was not comfortable continuing to prescribe it and took me off of the combo two weeks ago stating she didn't want me on it if she couldn't guarantee pain management would continue to prescribe it. She told me to go to the ER for flareups and I've gone once because of endo, a migraine, and back muscle spasms happening all at once leaving me unable to leave bed. They gave me a migraine cocktail which surprisingly helped alot.
Yesterday i (stupidly) thought it was a good idea to get on a family horse after not riding since 2018 and got thrown again. I went to the ER just to make sure i didn't have a concussion or break anything. I at first declined any meds as i didnt think id need them at first, but once i came out of shock and the pain set in i finally agreed. It definitely aggravated my back and neck issues and the ER dr was kind enough to give me hydrocodone 5mg/ 325 acetaminophen for two days along with along exercises to help relax the muscles spasms in my neck and back until i see pain management. He warned me that PM might be irritated with me for going to the ER instead of waiting for my appointment.
My main question is how do i best prepare for my appointment tomorrow? Im open to trying new things but im afraid they will retry methods we have already ruled out or i will be told its because i have mental illness ( I've been in therapy for over a decade and been treated with a good med combo for the past 2-3 years. I've been doing so well we are going to take me off of my rescue ativan as i haven't needed it. I am on adderall for adhd and only started a few weeks ago) my Pcp has been focusing on my back pain as its the primary issue i have but id also like to address my migraines and endo pain since the migraines can leave me bed ridden for 2-4 days and the endo pain has gotten as bad as labor contractions. I'm open to a multi faceted approach as i don't want to be on opiates forever. Ideally it'd be like with my anxiety treatment where once we finally built up a good treatment plan id be at a point where i don't find my self needing them and can say hey lets stop this and continue on with the other treatment. I just don't really know how to approach that and don't want to be flagged as soon as i walk through the door. Im young and often get told im too young to be in so much pain despite having a long paper trail of traumatic injuries, endo surgeries, etc. I've always been compliant and optimistic about trying new treatments. What should i expect to deal with? What question have you found to be important to ask? Any advice welcomed!

Has anyone successfully convinced their significant others to get evaluated for BPD? I am almost certain that my wife (36f) has it, but I don't want to bring it up because she has split on me and I am her enemy. Married for 10 years, been together for 20 total. I have several posts about her in marriage, but only recently stumbled on BPD and it fits her SPOT ON. She had some horrific points in her childhood and trauma through covid(she's a nurse). And also was terminated from her job for bullying. She also takes Adderall consistently and smokes a lot of weed (1oz+ a month). She has convinced her support group that I am a cheating violent abuser and have never done anything like this. She tells EVERYONE that I will kill her if she divorces me, but she still says she wants a divorce but has not filed for months. She does attend individual therapy, but I believe she may have manipulated that to the point where her therapist thinks I am this person she has created in her mind. I recently got us back into couples therapy to coparent and she is saying the same wild accusations there. We are 2 weeks in and I am hoping that the therapist can shed some light on this. She has already had several melt downs in the sessions. We have 2 kids together, 3 & 9. What would your approach be? I feel like she needs help, but won't ever get it if I bail, and will make for an even harder divorce. Co-parenting has already be a shit show. As of last month we are separated and in 2 separate homes

When our characters suffer addiction we know little about we should look up these different things to add into the description of the traits to provide more depth and reality to them. It makes it more three dimensional and can build into different subplots that are integrated into a larger storyline.
Here are just a few of the things people are addicted to and how those addictions are manifested into traits that are part of a full character profile.

1. Alcohol:
   
   • Dependence
   • Craving
   • Tolerance
   • Withdrawal symptoms
   • Loss of control
2. Tobacco:
   
   • Nicotine dependence
   • Habitual use
   • Respiratory issues
   • Withdrawal symptoms
   • Health deterioration
3. Cocaine:
   
   • Intense euphoria
   • Increased energy
   • Agitation
   • Paranoia
   • Rapid heart rate
4. Heroin:
   
   • Euphoria
   • Drowsiness
   • Needle marks
   • Respiratory depression
   • Nausea
5. Marijuana:
   
   • Altered perception
   • Memory impairment
   • Lack of coordination
   • Dependence
   • Impaired judgment
6. Prescription opioids:
   
   • Pain relief
   • Sedation
   • Dependence
   • Tolerance
   • Respiratory depression
7. Benzodiazepines:
   
   • Anxiety relief
   • Sedation
   • Dependence
   • Withdrawal symptoms
   • Memory impairment
8. Methamphetamine:
   
   • Increased alertness
   • Euphoria
   • Agitation
   • Psychotic symptoms
   • Cardiovascular issues
9. Gambling:
   
   • Compulsive behavior
   • Financial losses
   • Obsessive thoughts
   • Relationship strain
   • Chasing losses
10. Video games:
    
    • Escapism
    • Social isolation
    • Obsessive gaming
    • Impaired daily functioning
    • Disrupted sleep
11. Social media:
    
    • Constant checking
    • Fear of missing out (FOMO)
    • Validation-seeking behavior
    • Time distortion
    • Negative impact on mental health
12. Internet:
    
    • Excessive online time
    • Cyber addiction
    • Social disconnection
    • Impact on real-life relationships
    • Compulsive browsing
13. Shopping:
    
    • Compulsive buying
    • Financial strain
    • Temporary emotional relief
    • Hoarding tendencies
    • Impaired financial decision-making
14. Work:
    
    • Workaholism
    • Neglect of personal life
    • Burnout
    • Constant need for achievement
    • Difficulty delegating tasks
15. Exercise:
    
    • Compulsive exercising
    • Exercise as a primary source of identity
    • Physical strain
    • Disregard for rest and recovery
    • Negative impact on mental health
16. Food:
    
    • Binge eating
    • Emotional eating
    • Loss of control
    • Negative body image
    • Compulsive overeating
17. Sugar:
    
    • Craving for sugary foods
    • Energy crashes
    • Weight gain
    • Increased risk of health issues
    • Difficulty moderating intake
18. Coffee:
    
    • Caffeine dependence
    • Increased tolerance
    • Physical withdrawal symptoms
    • Disrupted sleep
    • Jitters and restlessness
19. Tea:
    
    • Caffeine dependence
    • Ritualistic consumption
    • Calming effect
    • Impact on hydration
    • Withdrawal headaches
20. Energy drinks:
    
    • Excessive caffeine intake
    • High sugar content
    • Stimulant-induced alertness
    • Potential health risks
    • Dependency for energy boost
21. Sex:
    
    • Compulsive sexual behavior
    • Relationship strain
    • Risky sexual activities
    • Obsessive thoughts
    • Impact on daily functioning
22. Pornography:
    
    • Excessive consumption
    • Escapism
    • Distorted views of relationships
    • Impact on sexual health
    • Relationship strain
23. Prescription medications:
    
    • Dependence on medication
    • Over-reliance
    • Impact on physical health
    • Potential for misuse
    • Tolerance
24. Codeine:
    
    • Pain relief
    • Sedation
    • Dependence
    • Respiratory depression
    • Misuse potential
25. LSD:
    
    • Altered perception
    • Hallucinations
    • Distorted sense of time
    • Potential for psychological distress
    • Flashbacks
26. MDMA (Ecstasy):
    
    • Increased empathy
    • Euphoria
    • Dehydration
    • Hyperactivity
    • Potential for overheating
27. Ketamine:
    
    • Dissociation
    • Hallucinations
    • Impaired motor function
    • Dependence
    • Bladder and urinary issues
28. Inhalants:
    
    • Euphoria
    • Dizziness
    • Short-term hallucinations
    • Potential for brain and organ damage
    • Sudden sniffing death
29. Caffeine:
    
    • Stimulant effects
    • Dependence
    • Withdrawal headaches
    • Increased heart rate
    • Insomnia
30. Nicotine:
    
    • Stimulant effects
    • Dependence
    • Withdrawal symptoms
    • Increased heart rate
    • Respiratory issues
31. Sex:
    
    • Compulsive sexual behavior
    • Relationship strain
    • Risky sexual activities
    • Obsessive thoughts
    • Impact on daily functioning
32. Pornography:
    
    • Excessive consumption
    • Escapism
    • Distorted views of relationships
    • Impact on sexual health
    • Relationship strain
33. Prescription medications:
    
    • Dependence on medication
    • Over-reliance
    • Impact on physical health
    • Potential for misuse
    • Tolerance
34. Codeine:
    
    • Pain relief
    • Sedation
    • Dependence
    • Respiratory depression
    • Misuse potential
35. LSD:
    
    • Altered perception
    • Hallucinations
    • Distorted sense of time
    • Potential for psychological distress
    • Flashbacks
36. MDMA (Ecstasy):
    
    • Increased empathy
    • Euphoria
    • Dehydration
    • Hyperactivity
    • Potential for overheating
37. Ketamine:
    
    • Dissociation
    • Hallucinations
    • Impaired motor function
    • Dependence
    • Bladder and urinary issues
38. Inhalants:
    
    • Euphoria
    • Dizziness
    • Short-term hallucinations
    • Potential for brain and organ damage
    • Sudden sniffing death
39. Caffeine:
    
    • Stimulant effects
    • Dependence
    • Withdrawal headaches
    • Increased heart rate
    • Insomnia
40. Painkillers:
    
    • Pain relief
    • Tolerance
    • Dependence
    • Risk of overdose
    • Respiratory depression
41. Sleeping pills:
    
    • Sedation
    • Dependence
    • Tolerance
    • Impaired cognitive function
    • Disrupted sleep patterns
42. Compulsive lying:
    
    • Habitual dishonesty
    • Concealing the truth
    • Strained relationships
    • Loss of trust
    • Need for constant validation
43. Plastic surgery:
    
    • Body dysmorphic tendencies
    • Constant pursuit of perfection
    • Psychological impact
    • Financial strain
    • Societal pressure
44. Cutting/self-harm:
    
    • Coping mechanism
    • Emotional release
    • Negative emotions relief
    • Risk of infection
    • Concealing scars
45. Powecontrol:
    
    • Manipulative behavior
    • Desire for dominance
    • Strained relationships
    • Lack of empathy
    • Fear-based control
46. Fame:
    
    • Constant pursuit of recognition
    • Validation-seeking behavior
    • Impact on mental health
    • Shifting priorities
    • Loss of privacy
47. Attention:
    
    • Constant need for validation
    • Disregard for personal boundaries
    • Impact on relationships
    • Social media-centric behavior
    • Self-worth tied to attention
48. Sugar-sweetened beverages:
    
    • High sugar content
    • Increased calorie intake
    • Weight gain
    • Tooth decay
    • Dependency on sugary drinks
49. Fast food:
    
    • High-fat content
    • High calorie intake
    • Dependence on convenience
    • Weight gain
    • Negative impact on health
50. Selfies:
    
    • Constant need for self-documentation
    • Validation-seeking behavior
    • Impact on self-esteem
    • Comparison to others
    • Social media-centric behavior
51. Cosmetic procedures:
    
    • Desire for physical enhancement
    • Psychological impact
    • Financial strain
    • Body dysmorphic tendencies
    • Societal pressure
52. Hoarding:
    
    • Compulsive accumulation of possessions
    • Difficulty discarding items
    • Impaired living space
    • Emotional attachment to objects
    • Strained relationships
53. Overeating:
    
    • Binge eating episodes
    • Emotional eating
    • Loss of control
    • Negative impact on physical health
    • Guilt and shame
54. Prescription stimulants:
    
    • Increased alertness
    • Improved focus and concentration
    • Dependence
    • Tolerance
    • Potential for misuse
55. Over-the-counter drugs:
    
    • Self-medication
    • Potential for misuse
    • Dependency
    • Health risks
    • Lack of professional guidance
56. Romantic relationships:
    
    • Codependency
    • Obsessive thoughts
    • Fear of abandonment
    • Emotional highs and lows
    • Strained personal identity
57. Codependency:
    
    • Excessive reliance on others
    • Neglect of personal needs
    • Difficulty setting boundaries
    • Fear of rejection
    • Strained relationships
58. Social approval:
    
    • Constant need for validation
    • Fear of judgment
    • Impact on self-esteem
    • Conforming behavior
    • Social media-centric validation
59. Thrill-seeking:
    
    • Constant pursuit of excitement
    • Risk-taking behavior
    • Impaired judgment
    • Adrenaline dependence
    • Impact on personal safety
60. Narcotics:
    
    • Pain relief
    • Sedation
    • Dependence
    • Tolerance
    • Health risks
61. Designer drugs (e.g., bath salts):
    
    • Intense euphoria
    • Hallucinations
    • Agitation
    • Increased heart rate
    • Severe health risks
62. Over-the-counter cough medicine abuse:
    
    • Euphoria
    • Dizziness
    • Hallucinations
    • Impaired coordination
    • Health risks
63. Social media stalking:
    
    • Compulsive checking of profiles
    • Intrusive thoughts
    • Obsessive behavior
    • Impact on mental well-being
    • Strained personal relationships
64. Fear of missing out (FOMO):
    
    • Constant need to be involved
    • Anxiety about social events
    • Comparison to others
    • Impact on mental health
    • Social media-centric anxiety
65. Collecting:
    
    • Compulsive acquisition of items
    • Difficulty discarding possessions
    • Emotional attachment to collections
    • Strained living space
    • Financial strain
66. Fantasy sports addiction:
    
    • Excessive time spent on fantasy sports
    • Impact on work or relationships
    • Obsessive tracking of player stats
    • Financial investment
    • Escapism from reality
67. Conspiracy theories obsession:
    
    • Constant consumption of conspiracy content
    • Alienation from mainstream information
    • Impact on critical thinking
    • Strained relationships
    • Difficulty accepting evidence-based information
68. Extreme diets:
    
    • Obsessive focus on dieting
    • Impact on physical health
    • Emotional distress related to food
    • Social isolation due to dietary restrictions
    • Negative body image
69. Extreme couponing:
    
    • Compulsive pursuit of discounts
    • Hoarding of coupons
    • Excessive stockpiling of items
    • Impact on financial well-being
    • Strained living space
70. Internet trolling:
    
    • Habitual provocative online behavior
    • Seeking emotional reactions
    • Anonymity-driven aggression
    • Strained online communities
    • Legal consequences
71. Spiritual bypassing:
    
    • Avoidance of negative emotions through spirituality
    • Denial of personal challenges
    • Strained relationships
    • Lack of emotional authenticity
    • Disconnect from reality
72. Extreme minimalism:
    
    • Compulsive decluttering
    • Obsessive focus on possessions
    • Strained relationships due to minimalistic lifestyle
    • Anxiety about material belongings
    • Rigidity in lifestyle choices
73. Gaming loot box addiction:
    
    • Compulsive spending on in-game purchases
    • Chasing virtual rewards
    • Financial strain
    • Impact on real-life responsibilities
    • Gambling-like behavior
74. Rumination:
    
    • Constant overthinking
    • Obsessive focus on past mistakes
    • Impact on mental health
    • Difficulty moving forward
    • Strained relationships
75. Approval-seeking behavior:
    
    • Constant need for validation
    • Fear of rejection
    • Impact on decision-making
    • Strained authenticity
    • Mental health implications
76. News addiction:
    
    • Compulsive consumption of news
    • Anxiety related to current events
    • Impact on mental well-being
    • Difficulty disconnecting from news cycle
    • Strained worldview
77. Anger addiction:
    
    • Habitual anger expression
    • Seeking confrontation
    • Strained relationships
    • Negative impact on mental health
    • Legal consequences
78. Religious zealotry:
    
    • Extreme devotion to religious beliefs
    • Intolerance of other perspectives
    • Strained relationships with non-believers
    • Willingness to harm others in the name of faith
    • Resistance to critical thinking
79. Mindless scrolling:
    
    • Excessive time spent on scrolling through content
    • Impact on productivity
    • Impaired attention span
    • Social isolation
    • Disrupted sleep patterns

A few days ago, I received a file from a journalist friend who teaches at a private university in Montevideo. I known this person for years now and the exchange with her on our countless bar nights basically made me want to try to study journalism. After I started my career we became even closer and we shared concerns about the evolution of information, social media and the infamous cerebral callosity we acquired to endure the tragedy.
My friend, let's call her Valeria, was part of a public competition to accompany a minor scientific expedition to the Uruguayan Antarctic base. Her thesis was about investigating how information reception behaves in remote and isolated areas.
I barely read it , but basically tries to show that information circulates and is received in a particular way in these circumstances by a group of unfamiliar people living under extreme climatic and isolation conditions, having as an example, life in submarines and in military bases in Siberia. The Antarctic base gave her the chance to observe some of her postulates up close.
Finally, she was chosen and traveled with this scientific group in a commercial flight Montevideo - Santiago de Chile to later arrive at Punta Arenas and fly to the Antarctic base.
The last communication I had with her before she sent me the almost 90 photographic captures of the Journal, was on March 15, 2024.
We talked over the phone about how the weather was in Montevideo, that it does not stop raining and the cars are practically floating on the streets. She told me that the transport that was going to take them back was having mechanical problems and they would probably have to order spare parts for the plane from Punta Arenas. Then She told me that it is freaking cold down there and his colleagues are all very boring. Nobody has whisky for the evenings. We laughed about that part because I told her to bring at least one bottle of Grappa in her purse.
Before saying goodbye, she told me they had spotted some old metal structures south of the base. The soldiers told her that it was safe to go near that part so she was going to explore them. It wasn't there when they first arrived and that the recent and atypical heat wave probably must have exposed it. I told her to be careful and we said goodbyes.
Three days later I received an email. “Valeria shared a file with you.” As I start to see what it was about she calls me.
“Mauro? MAURO!, can you hear me?” She said in a nervous and excited voice.
“I can barely hear you, what happened?”I asked half asleep, while still lying on my bed.
“Listen to me carefully, don't talk, just listen” I could tell by her agitation that she was walking fast or maybe running. The creaking footsteps in the snow could be heard in the background. in the distance, a catastrophe-type siren was blaring.
“Are you alright? What happened? What's that noise?” I said, now sitting on the edge of my bed.
“I sent you a file. Transfer it to a flash drive, delete history and reset your cell phone, the computer and your email address. I'll explain everything later, it'll be worth it.”
“What? What are you talking about Vale?, what for? Tell me what's going on - I started to yell at her, in slide panic.
“Listen, I found something that is not supposed to exist. In the diary he explains everything. I'm going back to the base, I think someone is following me, I set off an alarm or something. Save that file for me until I get there and remember that... “
There were two loud booms and the sound of water invading the transmission. A choked bubbling and cracking sound reminded me of ice collapsing. My friend had fallen into the water, in Antarctica.
“HEY, are you OK?! What happened?!” - I kept screaming hysterically until the call was cut off.
I looked at my cell phone for a second. My hands were shaking, I tried calling several times but the phone went dead. I looked at the compressed file. I jumped up and ran to the dining room furniture, frantically looking for a white flash drive that had to be in a drawer somewhere. I couldn't find it, so I went back to my desk. I pulled the drawer so hard that it came off the rail and fell to the floor. I started to dig through my belongings on the floor, coins, papers, cards, nothing.
I thought, I struggled to remember where I had fucking put it. Finally I saw my backpack peeking out from behind the desk chair, I jumped on it and in the second small pocket from the inside, there was a cheap white 16G flash drive. I put it in the pc, downloaded the file directly there, took it out and fabric restored the entire system on the computer. I do the same with my cell phone as Valeria said.
At the time I didn't even question if those measures really prevented me from being tracked, and the idea that that was the reason made panic run through my body like lightning. Sitting on the floor of my room next to the mess, my body was numb with tension. After a few seconds, I rebooted my cell phone to try to call Lucia, her sister.
“Hello?”
“Lucia, it's that you? I think something bad happened to Vale, I hear her over the phone as if she fell into the water, and some rumbling. I don't know what I heard, I think she got into some trouble or some place she shouldn't have been - I realized that I was mumble and not saying anything clear. For some reason, I didn't mention the file.
“It can't be Mauro, I just spoke to her on the phone. She was at the airport in Santiago de Chile at the boarding lounge, we talked for about half an hour, she told me she was bringing a fancy bourbon to share and…”
I stopped listening, it didn't make sense, how could it be? what the fuck is going on!
“Mauro, are you ok? Is something wrong? it's too early, are you sure you didn't dream it?”
“Did you talk to her? half an hour ago? But...,” I exclaimed without being able to hide my confusion.
“Are you... sure it was her?”
“Yes, of course you moron, it's my sister! Did you smoke pot again on an empty stomach?”
“No, you're right, nevermind, thanks Lucia, talk to you soon.” I ended the call without letting her say goodbye.
Had I dreamt about it? I erased everything now, how will I know if I dreamt it? I hesitated absurdly.
This is surreal, I thought to myself as I looked at the flash drive in my hand. I refocused my attention and went to the attic looking for my brother's old laptop he left me before going to live in Spain. It was practically useless, but it was enough to see the file. I turned it on, waited for the decrepit Windows XP to load, and put the flashdisk in, opened the compressed folder and found two files.
“LabNotes.pdf”
“PersonalDiary.pdf”
I decided to open the journal first. From what I interpreted from the loading order of the screenshots, after reading it, I opened the image of the last page.
I transcribe as is.
Day 243 of the 2nd mission 10: 40 am. March 12, 2019.
I am the head researcher of the Psychological Area at the UN Antarctic base; I'm currently assigned to Project Sisyphus categorized as the highest classified rank.
This is going to sound crazy, but the person living with my family is my clone.
It still surprises me when I say it out loud, but after being able to replicate the brain-muscular history (a perfect copy of our memory) of any person and having mastered replicating every cell of our bodies at any age, it was only a matter of time before the development of social biotechnology would emerge. Now and by worldwide agreement, as a complete secret.
There is absolutely no shame or a shred of ethics in what we do, there is no longer any constraint on what we can do to the subjects for the sake of research. That haunts me every day.
It all went to shit so fast, I doubt anyone will come to our rescue. The protocol says so, the base in the face of an imminent security risk will erase itself. The structure was designed to collapse methodically following a protocol of incineration and sinking. The immediate perimeter has underwater mines that make the ice collapse almost imperceptibly, but deadly to anyone who tries to leave.
No one can escape from the base, neither the research staff nor the subjects. Our place in the world is already taken.
I only hope that this journal along with my lab notes will be found at some point. I managed to construct a small insulating gasket for it so I trust it will survive in case this part of the building collapses as well.
Please use this data to let the world know what happened here and don't let perversity define us once again.
To my family: I love you and miss you every minute.
B.
At the exact moment I ended the reading I received a video call that made me jump with fright, it is...
Valeria.
With my pulse shaking, I answered the call.
“Hi you! The flight was delayed, can you believe it? This one is absolutely in my top three, worst trips of my life. I'm really hungry and everything is so expensive here. What are you up to? Tell me something, please, I'm soooo bored!”
I looked at her with confusion and I couldn't manage to pronounce words. When I was about to modulate an answer she interrupted me.
“What's the matter Mauro?, are you on pause? Is the signal OK? HELLO! Can you hear me? Can you see me?” She started to walk through the boarding lounge looking for better signal
“Yes yes, Valeria I can hear you.”
She laughed and looked at me with a face between sensual and serious, and continued.
“Do you miss me?” while raising the phone jokingly as she typically does in her selfie pose.
“Valeria, don't you remember calling me earlier today?”
“I? called you? Nop. Why? Ah! By the way, did you know there are penguins in Tierra del Fuego? I would have liked to go and see them.” She continued his verbose conversation in a carefree tone, with her typical hand gestures and playing with his hair.
“Well, at last!” She interrupted herself and shouted, jumping up from her chair.
“We are being called to board, see you in a couple hours!” She said goodbye with a smiling sonority, and began to walk towards the boarding gate.
But at the last second, before ending the call, her gesture changed. She looked directly at the camera with a hardened and emotionless face and almost mechanically, she whispered.
“(I'm going to retrieve that diary).”
My stomach dropped to the floor and I could feel as if my blood was running cold with fear. I could not shake the awful and eerie feeling that this person, who was returning, whom I had never in my life called by her full name, was not my friend.
So, the next couple of hours I put everything in to transcribe the rest of important passages of the diary. Something was compelling me to do it, i can't explain it, Some mix between moral duty, and morbid curiosity. Here is my selection of it.
Lab notes. day 96 of 1st mission 08:00 am December 22, 2016.
Subject JON X012:
First physical assessments: Normal, alert and inquisitive, exhibits some alteration to screens.
We place 100 cc of sedative in room air. The subject attentively follows the narrative of scenario B5 “The last mission”.
The subject responds positively to the premises of the story, where he is asked to address an audience threatened by a natural disaster, convincing them to choose a certain path out of the city.
He offers to collaborate but fails to articulate the message with the power to overcome the simulation.
We resort to pouring 125cc of concentrated Psilocybin into the air as stipulated in the protocol sheet.
The vocal frequency and body language reading receptors in the observation room are activated. The subject manages to formulate a series of premises articulately and with discursive power, circulating around the observation room.
Successful reaction.
We move on to the next stage.
Case is filed under the label “Jobs Project.”
Diary entry: Day 96 of the 1st mission 21:30 pm. December 22, 2016.
Today they transferred subject JON X0012 for psychological evaluation, several in the lab were very anxious about this arrival. I was never the religious type, but I can understand why. Truth be told,
I always imagined Jesus would be taller.
*********
Day 106 of the 1st mission 08:00 am January 02, 2017
Today we received a new lab assistant for the night shift. Much needed as I was covering these shifts myself and am really burned out. The underground operates at full power at those hours, the hum of the machinery becomes unbearable. This must be why the rooms have an insulating structure.
********
Day 112 of the 1st mission 19:00 pm January 08, 2017.
The new integration is not very bright. He labeled the transcripts wrong again yesterday and doesn't seem to fully understand the importance of these. I'm going to have to go through the whole method with him again. I don't have much patience lately, it's not his fault, he seems like a nice guy and it's real that I need a second of confidence. Better train him from now on. Maybe start a sketch of a short explanatory document.
*******
Small introductory guide.
When the subjects conclude the incubation and breeding process (pages 19 to 52 of the manual), that is to say, that they have at least remembered speech and with it, depending on the time in which they lived, reading and writing, they generally begin to perceive themselves. Just before situational curiosity is when the psychology department comes into action. Either to run the “stand by” simulation or the main tests.
In each subject's file is the target of their cloning, the era in which they lived, and the recommended scenarios to trigger the desired response. If the file has X amount on the cover, this corresponds to the generation of the subject, whether it is the first or 10th time it is incubated.
Generally, it takes between 2 and 5 attempts to generate the correct simulation, and administer the appropriate drugs.
It took 5 attempts to come up with the correct amount of methamphetamine that subject AH X005 (Hitler) needed to function in the scenario, as the correct amount bordered on overdose.
Simulations are much easier since the implementation of multisensor AI. We managed to generate almost any scenario including temperature, smells, lights and sounds. We tried not to use familiar ones, as human smells are impossible to replicate. We found this out in a complicated way. We tried to recreate a conversation between RR subject X003 (Reagan) and his mother, but he recognized the fakery by the absence of body odor. His mind collapsed and we had to move him to the Underground. The people in Area C (Private Clients) almost lost a very large Chinese account.
After calibrating the subject, we ran both psychological and behavioral tests, scanned retinas, analyzed blood, as well as vocal and body language. But what has really yielded surprising results are the free interviews. It is amazing what some minds are capable of with the right environmental and chemical stimulation. That's why transcription is vital (!!)
Our area develops BC (Behavioral Algorithms) which are then bought by the private sector, and some government agencies.
To give you some examples: Twitter was an idea of subject JO X008 (Orwell).
Bots in social media and the use of big data was an idea of JG X002 (Goebbels) and KM X014`s worst nightmare (Marx) was bought by Amazon.
It is an arduous process and the success rate is low, but when we achieve the goal per subject, well, these results are a mein part of the latest revolutions of mankind.
So follow the lab rules, never refer to subjects by their actual historical name, and always remember, they are assets, not people.
***********
Day 117 of the 1st mission 16:30 am January 12, 2017.
Today is a rest day all over area D. I miss many things from the old world that I thought I would never miss, taking a bus, standing in line with strangers, and today I miss Sundays. We only have one on the month. So as usual we gather in the rest area to listen to a liberated jukebox that tries to lighten the mood. I know, right? Why I wrote about this “Saturday” photocopy, well besides the same nostalgic drunks, I was approached by a person I didn't recognize.
From what I understood he was a rehabilitated alcoholic, maybe that's why I didn't see him on “Saturdays”. He must be in his 50's, he was portly and wore thick black-rimmed glasses, he seemed to have a slight limp, I noticed it when he went to refill my beer.
I am a very reserved person and find it hard to talk to people. Truth be told, I've lost the desire to talk to people here. What can you actualy fucking talk about here, if it's not about the same thing. Everything revolves around work and some inter-area gossip, which never escalates much.
But yesterday was Clara's birthday and to hide the remorse and sadness of only having shared with her the first 3 years of her life, I had a few too many beers.
We chatted about banal aspects of life in isolation, and the things we miss. For him it was going to the stadium to watch soccer with his grandchildren. I think it was loneliness and nostalgia that brought us together that night.
His name was Sigfried, I don't know if I spelled it right, but it was clearly Nordic, i notice because of some of the words he mixed up with English. He works as the underground level security manager. We all know that it is one of the most restricted areas and what we have learned in these almost 10 years in the project, is that the more restricted, the less questions you should ask.
But that day, I think I felt the urge to hurt myself, to go off the rails, so I asked what we all suspected but no one knew for sure. I asked about the blenders. I wish I hadn't.
************
Day 126 of the 1st mission 08:00 am January 21, 2017.
I almost can't express how furious I am today, but I'm going to try because if I don't, I'm going to punch the new assistant in the face. He has nothing to do with this, he's just mildly irritating.
Anyway, in Genetic Mapping or area A, they approved the incubation of another Anomaly. It seems to be an express request from a major shareholder and there is not much to say. Anomalies are very risky to reproduce, nature is wise, and for some reason it placed them in history moments where they had their limitations.
It seems that after the crisis of 2010 with “The Russian Devil” it is no longer scary enough. New school morons... If they had been there they wouldn't even dare to think about it. I AM FURIOUS.
The arguments are that this case lived longer, that the clone would be in his 70s, and that he possessed noticeably more “civilized” traits. As if the court of the last Zar had not been somewhat civilized.
Personally I think this is a big mistake. Since the discovery that some people possess unknown DNA components and with the 2010 background, they should draw the line. There are certain things, still beyond our ability to understand. But it is delusional of me to think that there are limits, someday the absence of them will consume us all.
************
Lab notes day 142 of 1st mission 08:00 am February 06, 2017.
Final free interview with JON subject X012
Scenario B-24 or “The Dinner Party” Result: Normal.
Notes: Subject is grateful, positive, docile and hopeful for the future. Offers to cook next time by asking for spices and ingredients of typical Hindu dishes.
The subject is directed to the Underground area.
Attached audio for transcription.
Case is filed under the label “Jobs Project”.
**********
Day 142 of the 1st mission 21:00 pm February 06, 2017.
Today was the last session with subject JON X012, I managed to extract the last retinal and body language readings, as usual before sending them to Underground level. We ran the dinner scenario, the truth is that is one of the best simulations we have achieved. The subjects are relaxed resulting in the best free interview environment. This one was no exception, I must say I understand the charm of the “messiah” turned out to be quite an entertaining subject. I hope his next generation will be similar.
**********
Day 152 of the 1st mission 19:00 pm February 16, 2017.
I was tasked with the continuous monitoring of subject NT X004. I am not at all happy with this transfer. First of all, I know nothing about area B of engineering and technology. Secondly, I still think this is a really bad idea.
One of the laboratories has been set up with the essential simulation equipment and personnel. Tomorrow we start with the calibration.
**********
Lab notes day 153 of the 1st mission 08:00 am February 17, 2017.
First interview with subject NT X004, we run simulation scenario 54-A, “Signal from another planet.”
Subject is observed to be receptive at first but quickly changes to paranoid. We administer 300cc of MDMA via air, according to protocol.
We introduce the reconstructed figure of a colleague in a cry for help speech.
The Subject laughs and doesn't believe a word, we move to a physical approach plane,
I volunteer myself with a room operator from the engineering area, we show him unfinished plans of an experimental vacuum propulsion engine.
He laughs again and tells us that we are not who we say we are.
We administer 50cc of DMT and move on to the next scenario.
From the screen an astronaut with non-human features sends a distress signal and intergalactic coordinates.
The subject looks thoughtful, reassesses, picks up the blueprints and begins to shout out values and what appears to be mathematical and physical formulas.
Air is charged with percentages of absolute sedation.
Audio recording is attached.
It is filed under the name “Project SpaceX.”
**********
Day 153 of the 1st mission 21:00 pm February 17, 2017.
I'm not sure what happened today, this is the first time in 10 years that a subject overcame the deception of 3 simulations. We had to place absolute sedation in the air, as risky as we know it is. I recommended that we restart the process from scratch, but it was a resounding no, the client is in a hurry.
I need to get more involved in this case to recalibrate the subject. I don't know if I want to. The words before full sedation still resonate with me. “are you still using DC current? interesting...”
**********
Day 154 of the 1st mission 21:00 pm February 18, 2017.
Something happened, I don't quite know what. The rooms have an emergency lockdown active. Outside hear security personnel mobilizing. I tried the intercom but it didn't work. The insulation prevents my screams from being heard from the outside. If this goes on another day I'm going to break the lock. I'm going to set my backpack to the bare minimum.
**********
Day 157 of the 1st mission 21:00 pm February 21, 2017.
Yesterday I heard explosions in the B area. I couldn't take it anymore and broke the lock. Whatever it was I had to go out and see. The corridors were dark, and the underground buzzer went on, at least that worked.
I went right to the north staircase, down the 4 floors in near darkness, the power was failing. The entrance to the underground area was barricaded but I managed to see a figure peeking out from inside as they felt me making noises.
It was Sigfried, he pointed me in the doors direction and I entered through a heavily armored side door. I was surprised by the immensity of this section, it encompassed a large hall below almost all the sectors of the base. In front of us there were 4 large industrial pipes with switches and multiple smaller pipes coming out of their bases. These were repeated like mosaics throughout the area until they disappeared into the distance in the darkness.
Leaning against one of them were 3 officers in formerly white coats and a nearly dead guard bloodied on the floor. Poor guy, his legs were crushed with his flesh in the open. He was lying in a pool of his own blood.
He had a blank stare and was panting, it seemed from the pale of his skin, that his fate was imminent. My asthma began to pound in my chest sharply, so I reached into my bag looking for my inhaler. I told them between visible gasps of bad breath to please tell me what's happened.
One of the doctors had a badge from area B and another from area E which corresponds to bio-armamentistics. The latter burst into tears and said “We deserve it, every one of us, we deserve it”.
I knew the other guy, he is an engineer in area B. I could hear him babbling almost nonsensically about, as why they never thought about it, an issue with electrical power.
He looked at me carefully as if recognizing me and grabbed me tightly by my jacket pulling me close to his face transformed for the panic.
“He let them out, all of them!” but not only that, no no no no... he told them the truth. Nikola fucking Tesla hacked us and told them the truth.”
He began to laugh frantically with a face of absurdity until he burst into a choked cry. At that moment everything went dark. The emergency lights activated, and from far away and getting closer, along with the emergency sirens that began to sound, we heard a large mass of people screaming and running through the corridors outside.
Sigfried looked at me as they started to pound on the shielded door and said.
“We're fucked.”
**************
Day xx of the second mission, month xx of 2017
“()The industrial sounds of spinning blades, the cries for mercy followed by the thunderous, liquid crack, down that big pipe, into the green barrels, with the Monsanto logo, dripped down one side an elongated drop of pink paste ending in the letter E on the chemical label. FERTILIZER.”
**********
After finishing the transcription, my whole body began to want to flee, the walls of my house were tinged with a faint blue light as the cloudy dusk came through the window, the lights turned off by my abstraction at the computer gave way to the dark corridors that began to feel alien. As I gently closed the pc my ears began to ring as if under pressure, my breathing became more present and the vibration of my cell phone interrupted my trance.
A call from the office. It was to tell me that I had a vacation week pending, that by schedule, I had to take it starting today.
Sons of bitches, now they even choose your time off - I thought at first, but at the same time I found the voice on the phone very strange, and to tell the truth, the procedure itself.
The anger turned into confusion that only added to the paranoia. The sounds in the street began to seem erratic, a chaotic and strangely familiar feeling came over me. My senses seemed increasingly acute, and they screamed:
Go away.
I grabbed the old laptop, the flash drive and headed for the bus station. The short trip from my house seemed like a long journey. People on the street looked at me with strange faces, the cell phone kept ringing with unknown numbers on the screen and a strange idea began to formulate in my head that whispered “Them, Valeria is one of Them”.
Already on the platforms I rummaged through my backpack where I confirmed that I had the key to the family beach house in San Luis, 60 km to the east of Montevideo. I turned off my cell phone, got on a bus heading to another and much far away town called Treinta y Tres. Sat near the last seat and slipped my cell phone in my front pocket of the seat in front of me, got off and commented to the driver with a clueless face, “I got confused, I'm going to the coast”.
I almost jumped onto the steps of the correct bus to where I was heading, unable to avoid the gazes of the passengers questioning me for the last minute drop in. I sat in my numbered seat and defragmented in dissociation, trying to understand what I was doing, I was running away, but from what?
The images of the last transcriptions were engraved in my mind, the last paragraph was repeated over and over again making me shake my head from time to time trying to get them away from my thoughts. The road was dark and I lost track of time, the digital clock within sight of the passengers jingling since we left, reading 10:40.
“San Luis Station!” - I heard the guard's shout in low volume.
I staggered to my feet, hurried to get off and with the same impulse I entered the dirt roads.
I zig-zagged through the dark, cold and silent beach town. The moonless night and the smell of the sea calmed me.
When I turned the corner to the gabled beach house of my family, on the steps of the front door lit by a white light, was her. Sitting, waiting for me. I stopped dead in my tracks and a chilling vertigo ran down my torso to my throat. We looked at each other for a short two seconds, until she stopped and started walking in sliding steps towards me, smiling and playing with her hands, crossing and uncrossing her arms. The growing sound of the wind through the trees covered us.
“Darling, how are you? How nice is the summer house, I don't think we ever came here, did we? Is it the one your grandmother left you?”
I felt the adrenaline rushing through my bloodstream, how could such a familiar attitude from such a familiar person transmit such panic to me? I had to answer something.
“Yes, this is it. I came to clear my head for a while, they gave me a few days at work and I wanted to take advantage of it.” I tried to excuse myself with failed dissimulation, since I stuttered in the middle of the words.
“Yes, I know! We arranged it with them, so you can be more relaxed and as a gesture for taking care of the file. Ah! and another thing. I think someone stole your cell phone at the bus station.” She looked at me with a smart-ass smile.
“Anyway, don't worry, they already found it on a bus on the way to “Treinta y tres”. You can get it back later.”
At this point I opened my mouth to ask for explanations, but as terrified as I was I only mumbled a “thank you”.
All this dialogue let us half a body length away, Valeria looked at me now a little more serious and stood at my side. She took my arm petrified and I could feel how a strong smell of neutral soap invaded me, as if she had rubbed herself in it too much.
“Shall we go inside? it's getting cold,” She said, finishing the sentence with a sweet gesture of pleading.
“Emm, shure.” I said.
My trembling hands managed to hit the lock on the 3rd attempt, we entered, turned on the lights and from his backpack she took out a red wine. Our favorite.
“Bring me some glasses, Mauro”. - She said to me as she sat down on the armchair against the window overlooking the gentle hills outside.
She poured wine until he almost filled the ex-cottage cheese glass, looked at me and in a toast gesture said.
“To... Dr. B?”
I slid a little smile and raised my eyebrows. Then I took half a glass in one sip.
“Well!” - She exclaimed, leaning over and resting the glass on the coffee table, and continued.
"You must be very confused, I understand, I saw it many times, the mind trying to adapt to a new, unsuspected reality and in your case all at once. It is not easy. First, make sure that no one is going to hurt you or anyone you know, second, what you read in that file, as you may have noticed, is not intended for public knowledge. Also to tell you”. I couldn't take the stress anymore, I exploded.
“You're not Vale. Who are you?! You're almost identical, but....”
“Ah yes, that one it's a tricky one to explain. Let's try, let's see:
“I'm a version of Valeria that she accidentally gendered when entered the lab. In one of the incubation rooms she touched a scan button that photographs her mind for 48 hours. It contains a micro needle that took her blood and thus generated me.”
“The thing is that we were in a situation of self-destruction of the systems, and that part of the programming code of the protocol was also copied in Valeria's mind.”
“And Valeria? She 's... dead?”
“Well, yes and no. If she tried to leave the base she's probably dead. if she's still there, she's probably frozen to death or killed by the cleanup command, but basically, if I'm here, she's not anymore.”
the coldness with which she answered me made me lose the little calm I had, I got up from the armchair and started to back away with my hands on my head, I couldn't stop repeating,
“this can't be happening, this can't be happening”.
“Hey! Mauro, calm down, it's going to be alright. I'm Valeria too. In every way, I'm still your friend, I know who you are and everything we went through, really, it's me, and when I finish managing the leak, the code, it won't work anymore, it will be erased from my mind and I'll be me. So don't worry. You only have to give me the flash disc and this issue ends here. We go back to normal life and nobody will know about anything.
“I'm not going to pretend that my friend didn't die! Alone, fucking freezing to death, I'm not going to let you take her place, I'm not going to let you!” - She interrupted me.
“Mauro, listen to me” - She came closer to me and grabbed my hands, her big, lined eyes looking at me with sweetness, like so many times before.
“I AM Valeria, I have the same fingerprints, the same blood, the same DNA, the same memories, the same scars, absolutely everything. Are you going to tell my mother that I died? to my sister? Are you going to report me? Nobody is going to believe you at all. If anyone even wants to believe you, how would you prove it? I am an exact copy”. - she told me, smiling with real sweetness and empathy.
I could only cry, for my friend, for the helplessness of the conclusion that she was right. I collapsed on the couch, and watched as the hills swayed in the night.
“Let's have the last glass and I'm leaving.”- she said to me.
“After I give you this, and that part of you disappears, will you remember that you are not... really Valeria?
“No, there is already a simulation on pause about Valeria's last week, she won't remember anything about this situation when she wakes up, because the memory is simply overwritten.”
“So I'm going to be the only one to know about this?”
“Take it as a gift Mauro, a glimpse behind the veil. And if you keep it that way, everything will be fine” - The threatening tone was soft but evident.
“Okay, hand me your PC and the flash drive.”
I looked at her evaluating all possible actions and if this decision was the right one, she stretched out her hand and smiled sympathetically. I gave her the old computer and the black 16G flash drive with the file. She inserted it, typed mechanically fast until the screen went black.
“Perfect, That would be all - She took out the flash drive, threw it on the floor and stepped on it violently with the heel of her shoe, put on his backpack and headed for the door.
“Stop,” I said.
“The things that Dr. B wrote... about the underground…
“Yes, they are true, it was the only way to be self-sustainable and to be able to isolate the complex from the rest of the world. Even the most morally flexible scientists would question the work if they knew where the subjects ended up, and what we were doing with their bodies... Anyway, I'm going home, Lucia called me 5 times already. Talk to you tomorrow.
“Love you,.” - She smiled at me and closed the door behind her. I felt a car slowly drive away from the house.
From my pocket I took out the white flash drive and looked at it. Now I had a decision to make.

Reddit Request: AskDocs
Can someone please help me with questions I should make sure to write down and ask at my rheumatology appointment?
I am in so much pain, and I’d like to be as thorough as possible with this new doctor from the get-go in order to help me get a diagnosis. I know I will panic and/or forget what to ask. Any help/guidance would be much appreciated!
I’m having a “good” hand/wrist day, so here we go…
38F, 5'4", 185lbs, South Asian, very little drinking, no smoking or recreational drugs.
Currently experiencing the following symptoms:

• SEVERE joint pain - has been continuously present for two weeks as of today.
  • Will reach the point of not being able to stand/walk some days or use my hands/wrists. It starts as a deep ache and then spreads to other joints until finally I’m just on fire. Will get worse if I’m touched, jostled or have to move when it’s that bad.
  • Present everywhere, and I really mean everywhere: fingers, hands, wrists, elbows, shoulders, neck/back, hips, knees, ankles, feet.
  • Sometimes bilateral, sometimes not.
  • No joint swelling or redness
  • Seems to get worse at night
  • Joints are also cracking much, much more than usual.
• Severe fatigue and exhaustion. Sometimes I need more than one nap in a day in order to keep going.
• Some intermittent muscle weakness
• Hair loss (scalp and lashes mostly, a little bit eyebrows.)
• Facial swelling and puffiness:
  • Eyelids/brow bone
  • Front of my cheeks along sides of nose.
  • Around my mouth
  • Around outer sides of face and under chin/on my neck.
• Random feeling of chills/shivers, sometimes accompanied by low-grade fever (around 99 or thereabouts.)
• Difficulty losing weight, honestly near impossible.
  • Even when eating well (getting enough calories, protein, fiber, hydration, etc. to properly fuel a grown active woman’s body) and exercising, I have netted out at gaining weight over time instead.
• Nail ridging
• Brain Fog
• Libido: dead and sorely missed.
• Mood in the shitter, but maybe because I’m just sad/anxious about all of this.
• Most recent blood test results from end of Feb, no active flares at that time:
  • https://ibb.co/Hg6q3TK
  • https://ibb.co/t8Byk5T
  • https://ibb.co/phsfHpS
• Is this a malar rash?…
  • https://ibb.co/R7sj3n8

Current diagnoses and related medications:

• ADHD: 15mg adderall, 3x/week.
  • I haven’t been taking these during this flare up because there’s nothing in the tank for them to work with and it would be a waste.
• Perimenopause/early-atrophied ovary: Junel Fe 1.5/30
  • This will likely change to a different medication with an increased hormonal dosage as this isn’t really working well.

Family history (that I’m aware of…):

• So. Much. Hypothyroidism and Hashimoto’s on mother’s side. At least one person with Sjogren's.
• Heart disease on father’s side.

Are there any specific tests I should make sure to ask for? Any symptoms I need to expand on/track further?
Again, any help at all is extremely appreciated! Thank you in advance!

The Twitter dude is making it seem like all those items were left at some hotel in July and security obtained it somehow. Ak said it was stolen from a suitcase. But doesn't anyone find it odd that all these items were related to stuff rapped about on Family Matters?
He tried to clown Ross for having an ozempic script.
The jewelry receipt was supposedly for a replica of Whitney's engagement ring which drake showed on his chain at the end of FM video. Dot said "Somebody told me you had ring"
He said Cole is the one losing sleep, not him. Ambien and Adderall scripts.
I suspect the gloves and shirt were originally in the FM video as short joke and jab at ross but since they were revealed in the 6:16 artwork they were edited out.
And then the line about the weekend being a "souvenir out the gift shop". In the Twitter vid of the MTG items there's a Canadian souvenir and postcard.
How could all this stuff just randomly been left at a hotel back in July or taken from a suitcase. Seems a huge coincidence for all this stuff to end up in FM.

i’m having hallucinations and i’ve never dealt with anything like this before.. i hallucinated rats in my apartment, realistic enough that i called my super to let him know we had rats. when i was waiting for him to come by i sat on the couch trembling and half crying, and suddenly thought to myself “what if i’m hallucinating? what if it’s just part of the brick? or shadows in the corner?”) i was scared shitless frozen to the couch, weird because i’m not even scared of rats and hallucinate a rat scurrying out of the brick and stopping to clean itself, you know like the downward face rub, and then just stays in place. vivid enough that i cover my mouth in shock. “we actually have rats….oh fuck WE HAVE RATS!!) i cry, shake, make eye contact with the one under this mirror in the living room, and get the courage to go up to the brick where there was the one from before and like 3 others. It doesn’t move away when I walk up. I look to the side of the brick, thinking that is how I’ll know of course, it hasn’t moved. Not a single rat to be found. All 20 something of these rats sending me into a panic attack were actually my kitchen scissors, various cracks in the wall etc. i realized what was happening and started to tremble more, and dart my eyes around. what i see is half formed hallucinations of rats back in their places. at this moment, i knew. and then my super showed up and couldn’t find a hole anywhere ofc, i tell him i’ll just let him know if i see one again, weird that there was no hole near the kitchen, etc. also this all happened like 20 mins ago. google is not helpful. telling me it’s stress, anxiety, etc. and then major stuff like schizophrenia and psychosis. obviously none of that. i take prescription wellbutrin and adderall xr, adderall really only on weekends to do work. i don’t really get anxiety often and literally just mild depression. how could it be a mental thing, you know? i’m really just scared and confused. experiencing hallucinations like this, coupled with confusion, dizziness, fatigue, disassociation, trembling, increased heart rate, and headache. does this match any cause you know of?
tldr: i am having very vivid hallucinations of rats in my apartment, currently experiencing confusion, fatigue, dizziness, headache, increased heart rate. never dealt with this before, before this i slept 16hrs. i take wellbutrin and adderall xr that play no role in this, i would be able to identify that. what the fuck is happening to me?

I’m sorry this post is so long!! I’m just freaking out and need clarity. Throwaway account.
I (f24) have been married for 6 months to my husband (m29) and I just found out I’m pregnant (on Mother’s Day of course). I’m very early (about 2 weeks) but I missed my period by 2 days and knew I had to take a test because my period is ALWAYS on time. 4 strong positives. I know it’s early and nothing is for sure yet, but these thoughts are already consuming me.
We started trying right after our honeymoon but stopped because we wanted to wait until we had better jobs and had more security. We also wanted to wait until our lease was up in September to move to a bigger place to start trying again.
Now, I just landed a great job. Like literally JUST started this job 2 weeks ago. The store isn’t open yet, but I was brought in early as the head of my department and I am currently interviewing and hiring my team that will work under me. The place should be open in July and I will have the opportunity to do some of my work from home, but I feel like an idiot telling these owners that I’ll eventually need maternity leave, when they’re not even open yet. Will I even qualify for FMLA if I haven’t worked there for a full year? They are great people with history working in HR and women owned. A lot of my job is community outreach and networking events.
I also have severe ADHD and am prescribed adderall. I am TERRIFIED of having to come off of it and if given the option, I won’t. Taking it is the only way I am able to function as a human, let alone as a work professional. I’d be willing to taper my dose down but to stop altogether would make my life absolutely miserable. I stopped cold turkey 2 years ago due to the shortage and fell into the worst depressive episode of my life and since getting back on it, I don’t want to compromise my well-being like that again if i can prevent it. I am prescribed my adderall through a telehealth provider that I meet with once every 3 months in person, and monthly over zoom. I don’t know if she’ll continue to prescribe it to me if she knows i’m pregnant or if my OBGYN (who I haven’t established a relationship with yet because I just got my insurance moved over to my husband’s insurance) will allow me to stay on it or help me remain prescribed if my telehealth provider refuses. I’ve been reading that it’s safe to take low doses of adderall if needed during pregnancy but I might need to see a high risk OB?
My husband is currently waiting on a promotion that would move him closer to home (his commute would go from 45 mins to 15 mins) and get us more money, but not enough to support us both on his income alone. I haven’t told him I’m pregnant yet as I just found out today and he’s at work. I know he’ll be so ecstatic once I tell him but I’m just so nervous. If i tell him in a cute way and get his hopes up, it would be cruel to tell him that I might be doubting following through with it. Idk if I’m doubting it. I know I want to be a mom and I know this baby will be so loved and we were going to start trying again in a few months anyway, but I guess I’m just worried about the timing of it all. I just need some clarity and some encouraging words/advice. Anything would help. TIA!!
TLDR; I JUST found out I’m pregnant after I JUST landed my first life-changing big girl job and I have ADHD and need some advice/clarity/encouragement!

26F, smoker (8 cigarettes a week or less)
Diagnosis: PCOS, 4cm ovarian cyst, hypermobile Ehlers-danlos syndrome, inappropriate sinus tachycardia, very small mitral valve prolapse, retinal detachment with multiple tears (fixed but I thought I’d include), waiting on results from a colonoscopy, I experience extreme fatigue and joint pain, I see a rheumatologist and they are monitoring my ANA because it’s positive but not for anything specifically.
Medication: adderall XR, meloxicam, vitamin D vivitrol injection, lorazepam, nuvaring, propranolol,
Maybe about a month ago I got a seriously bad Charley horse in my left leg that took like 5 minutes to go away and it left me sore for a few hours. Recently I’ve noticed an increase in Charley horses only in my left leg, and my right foot has been spasming. It happens at rest and not during activity. My right foot spasms used to be more noticeable at night and would only happen every so often but have definitely been increasing this past week. My boyfriend said he could feel the spasms in my foot from the outside. Whenever I’m lying down I feel them start immediately. Sometimes I’ll notice a tingling in my left arm too?
I drink a ton of water at work because I’m moving a lot so I don’t think it’s my hydration. I do have super flat feet that makes it painful to walk and move, I’ve been super tired recently and have noticed I’m in a lot of pain doing day to day tasks. I haven’t really changed much about my diet from before to now. I’m definitely a hypochondriac but it seriously feels like my health has been declining rapidly. I do have a fast heart rate but my doctor said he didn’t notice anything irregular on a month long monitor, just a fast rate. Could my leg spasms and cramps be something serious or should I just adjust my diet?