Hello, everyone. I have an issue at my place of work, and I don't know if it counts as discrimination or if it's legal and I'm overreacting. I'm in the US and I'm above 18 if that means anything.
My boss had a talk with me recently about my attendance. I left work early on 2 different shifts due to pain (I had a flare up of back pain/tension on one shift, and I had an endometriosis flare up on top of an IBS-D flare up on another shift). I was also late a few times (deadass by ONE minute and I got a point), so now my points are "all added up for the year". She asked if I needed less hours to help with my issues. I said no because the amount of hours don't effect me, I just get flare ups. I work at a family owned/operated pet store as a cashiestocker, so the work isn't hard for me. She offered me a paper to get signed by my doctor for accommodations. However, she said that if there are "too many accommodations, we will have to take another route." I'm pretty sure that she hinted at firing me, but it's not my fault for being disabled? I got fed up and explained some of my issues (fainting, back/body pain, some walking issues if I have a flare up, endometriosis flare ups, IBS flare ups, ect) but she dismissed it all and it fell on deaf ears. She told me that they "like me as a worker, but I'm becoming undependable for leaving work early." I've spent NUMEROUS shifts throwing up or "going to the bathroom" just to sit and splash cold water on my face so I don't pass out. I do my best to not leave, but when I do it's because I can't function anymore. I also noticed that after our conversation, and after I told her no to cutting my hours, my hours HAVE been cut and now I have more days off and less hours. Like sis I need money to live. I said to not cut my fucking hours.
Does this count as discrimination in the workplace or am I just overreacting to the whole thing? If it does, what should I do?

“He's still the same.”
This thought, an unexpectedly quick shadow flashing somewhere on the border of the conscious and unconscious, for some reason gives Ashley a strange feeling of peace. It seems to her that nothing good could have happened in Leon’s life since their last meeting, and she would be sad to see him upset about something bad.
However, one cannot say that he is delighted with the upcoming “mission”. Ashley can understand this, although under the pressure of stress she probably underestimated how difficult it was for him, and at that moment she couldn't have fully empathized with him... these were probably excuses that she came up with later, rethinking the experience.
One way or another, Leon was here again, and Ashley was sure of one thing - she missed him no less than on the first day after separation. But noticing that all his attention is directed exclusively at her father, she allows herself to relax and sigh.
He is not here for her, he's here because this is the president's order. It was stupid and inappropriate for someone like agent Kennedy, but apparently, the government didn't want to leave him completely free, and there were no more important things to do. Well, that, or Ashley's dad just made his own adjustments to the priorities. One way or another, Leon didn't seem to agree with it, and, to be honest, neither did Ashley, although she was happy to see Kennedy again.
“Thank you for...” she doesn’t even know how to start a conversation, and even opens her mouth only because the prolonged silence could lead to misunderstanding. ”Um... I'm sorry... sorry you had to...”
Ashley waves her hand vaguely and finally causes the flow of speech to dry up again. Fortunately, the situation also helps her.
“Here is your room,” Ashley carefully points to the door, which looks more like the entrance to a hotel room than a room in which anyone would be comfortable staying longer than the vacation required. ”Tomorrow after classes I was going to take a little walk. You'll probably have to come with me, but if you want to stay, you just need to avoid getting noticed by dad, I... won't be knocking at your door.”
It seems that she is ready to turn around and run away like a frightened, big-eyed deer, but then she slightly tilts her head to the side and for the first time in the entire “conversation” looks Leon in the eyes. Not to say that it is very bold, but it is clearly testing the waters, and this is already something in comparison with cowardly caution and quiet apologies.
“You were in a lot of trouble back then. How are you feeling now? Are you tired from the trip?”
P.S.: Here's the starter message. If you'd like, we can roleplay on Discord. This isn't a sexual RP. Timeline is sometime after RE4, Leon is hired to be Ashley's personal bodyguard.

So I met this girl at the gym. I noticed her kind of looking at me from afar and she later came up to ask if I was using the machine beside me, so I struck up a quick 5 minute conversation, asked her out, and got her number.
After like 6 gym bantery messages, I asked her to get coffee with me later that week, to which she replied she was going to be too busy with her new job. I wished her congrats on the job and left it at that. She never reached out to me after that last message.
My question is: is this one of those “if she wanted to she would” type situations? Or is it unreasonable to expect her to message me. Is she expecting me to reach out again?
A few things… The fact that she turned down the date without a reschedule is a clear sign of disinterest. I know I should have let the conversation flow a bit more and build anticipation before going for the date. However, if she was initially interested, would going for the date too soon be all it takes for her loose interest?

Hello guys,
I just reached plat 4 from bronze 2 and finally broke the ceiling after going insane playing Crit Sivir with the so called "best crit builds" that are recommended on the league websites, and I found a solution.
Here is my experience, and it's probably not yours because it is well known that all the players from the League and Sivir subreddit are Diamond 4 minimum, and I'm probably wrong, but hey, you read this far so...
So... Let's start with WHY Sivir?
AA range : The only squishy champ with no dash and a 500 range (kog has the W steroid). ALL the other ADC with that range have some sort of movement abilities (Lucian/Zeri/Akshan/Samira)
Passive : Useless as fuck, anything will outrun you, nobody even knows what the Sivir passive does and for good reason, it's probably one of the worst of the game
W : Good lane cleaner, super mana expensive so you better invest in a Tear for early or be careful to optimize the waveclear
E : Good spell shield but not even the best spellshield out there. Samira is 10 times better (I freaking hate Samira) and a much better champion if you want to deal damage like it's intended
R : Shurelya but worse, at least you have the - 0.5s refresh on AA because otherwise this is a pretty terrible ult.
So you guessed it, the ONLY reason to play her is the Q spell. That thing has a HUGE range BUT it's tricky... You need to land it without touching minions AND back and forth.
Good supp can help you achieve that with CC but remember, you're in low elo so don't count on that too much obv.
This demonstration will explain how we're going to exploit that.
So what should you play?
Runes
Sorcery
Aery : Nobody is playing by the rules, and you can land aery with your W which sound like cheating, but with a champion like that you'll need some. Landing a clean back and forth Q with that rune and you will deal good damage.
ManaFlow band : Mana will be scarce, because Riot wanted to be sure nobody would be playing this champ, so you have to find solutions if you wanna keep spamming Qs into the ennemies.
Celerity : Logical considering every steroid you have is bad movespeed, at least with that you get a little bit more.
Scorch or Gathering Storm : This one depends on the meta... Korean challenger are playing Scorch to optimize the damage from Q, but I feel like the gathering storm is great in long games.
Inspiration
Magical Footwear : Again, speed has to be optimize or any toplaner with outrun you.
Biscuit Delivery : I was wondering why this rune was so important and oh boy, when you need to last hit and your nautilus support is 10 miles behind you and you take an awful amount of poke, this is a lifeline.
Shards
Attack Speed/AD/Bonus health, this one is pretty standard.
Summs : Take Flash/TP, not Ghost (your range is too short for kiting without a support). TP allows you to keep a consistent farm, go top to push the lane of your afk/typing 0/9 Yasuo top, and TP back to push your lane given up by your roaming 0/5 support. Other options are for duelist (see my point in the Build section)
Build
Alright, this is where I'm not going to make any friend.
SIVIR IS NOT A DUELIST. She never will be. Maybe if you get super fed you can compete but you'll never outdamage a Vayne/Twitch/Draven, this is not possible.
SO BUILDING CRIT AS A MAIN SOURCE OF DAMAGE WILL NEVER GET YOU ANYWHERE. At least in low elo without a duo. It's straight up impossible.
So my recommended build is... LETHALITY SIVIR.
Take Youmuu's blade first item. I swear I'm not kidding. This item is insanely worth it. You have perma out of combat ms/Active 6 second 15% ms (not decaying like your useless passive) boosted by the celerity rune (go back to lane faster, so more farm, better map presence). The lethality is great to poke bot, great damage, the ONLY issue is the lack of crit, but Riot hates crit so there is that.
Second item : AS boots, as usual nothing fancy here.
Third item: Take the Collector (Lethality AND Crit ? Sign me up!). Great passive as well to finish off opponent. Remember that your team will never let you any kills in low elo, so you have to get everything you can to land the final blow.
Fourth item is Black Cleaver, again a broken interaction, since you can apply the armor debuff with the bouncing W, you get the MS, the health to tank a bit for assassins, an overall great item for Sivir.
This is your CORE BUILD : meaning this will allow you to stand a chance against the fed enemy team, because you will be able to output damage BEFORE they had the occasion of landing everything they have to gapclose you.
You will be able to farm so much more than relying on a support to put you safe during the laning phase. (Youmuu and collector lethality will insta clear waves, even if your support afk, you will be able to give a hard time to the enemy botlane)
Since you're not relying on crit, the rest of the build can be adapted, depending on the enemy comp. Usually IE/Malmortius/RFC or PD/GA then selling boots for a final item if necessary.
Don't forget that Sivir is a LATE GAME beast, you should farm as much as possible, so when you reach late and get some kills, you'll probably need to transition to crit (since lethality falls off late), but this is not the case in most of the games decided by the 20 minutes mark.
TLDR : Don't play Sivir Crit in low elo. (ok maybe for patch 14.10 all of this will become irrelevant)
Thank you for reading through this, maybe this will convince some players to try her out, because she really feels awful with a standard build rn.
OP7

Or rather, in a dedicated repost, because silly me couldn't read the pinned post and wait a few hours before posting my text the first time.
​
After giving a proper rewrite to Ayano, it's now time to do the same for her love interest. But first, I must give my apologises. The title of my post is "Reworking Taro", but it's actually misleading because there was barely any work to redo to begin with. Ok, there was the easy jab at the original character. Reading my previous rewrite posts isn't necessary to understand this one, but would allow you to grasp the differences with the official game better. If you're too lazy to do so, just keep in mind that my rewrite is a bit more social-focused. Anyway, here's my full-fledged take on our senpai.

Just an ordinary upperclassman: Daiki Tanaka (田中 大樹)

Although Taro Yamada is a perfectly valid Japanese name, it's literally the Japanese equivalent of John Doe. This name just gives me the impression that nothing really matters about him, and that it isn't even worth the effort thinking about a proper name. That might have been the dev's intention, given Taro's characterisation in the game, but I personally can't consider being so lazy about the second most important character. So, rather than keeping this name that makes Senpai seem like some background character, I chose names that actually are very common in Japan in order to keep the "average guy" feeling. The most common Japanese surname is Sato (佐藤), but that sounded a bit too generic for me, so I opted for Tanaka (田中), another widespread name that you might already have seen in some anime. Surprisingly, despite also being common, Yamada (山田) doesn't even come close. For his first name, "Daiki" (written like this: 大樹) means "big tree". It's a fairly popular boy name during the last decades and doesn't refer to anything particular, except maybe the fact that he is a big brother.
Just like many other mediocre harem MC, the main problem with Taro is that he is extremely bland. There's literally nothing worth noticing about him. Now don't get me wrong, making one of your main characters an Average Joe isn't a bad thing in itself, and I know that a yandere having a crush on ordinary people is nothing uncommon in modern Japanese media. However, even the most boringly average person that you can think of still has defined personality, goals, and passions that makes them at least more interesting than a slice of stale bread. In our case, you could replace Taro with a random object and the story would still make as much sense, which usually isn't a good sign for a story meant to have a serious tone. Just like my name choice suggested it, I wanted my version of Taro to stay ordinary. However, I tried to flesh out the little characterization he originally has to make him stand out in his own way, so that the numerous girls' interest in him would feel a bit less unbelievable.
This is Daiki Tanaka, a 17-years old Japanese boy living with his parents and his little sister. Like many other Japanese high-schoolers, he goes to high school from Monday to Friday, attends classes, studies for his tests, and hopes he will be accepted in a good university. And just like many other teenagers, he is is having interrogations about what he wants to do after graduation, how his classmates view him, and whether he'll find himself a girlfriend. Clearly, he's just an average student. Among the typical students you can find in a school, Daiki is a hard-working one. Pressured both by his parents and himself to get the best opportunities he can to settle his future, he is self-conscious about his academic performances and is always trying to improve his grades. Thus, he preferred to remain clubless and spend his free time alone to focus on his studies. Most of the time, he is seen studying at the school library, or reading a book of classic literature next to the fountain. But behind this ordinary reserved bookworm loner appearance is a kind and cultivated boy with a strong sense of justice and a clear passion for the old texts he's reading, making him actually quite a charming person to spend time with for those who can see past his plain exterior. Ayano, of course, is one of those few people, but little did she know that she won't be the only one interested in her dear senpai.

Gameplay role

According to the wiki:

Gameplay-wise, Taro is more similar to a "moving obstacle" rather than a regular interactive student, as he cannot be interacted with normally.

And you see, to me, that's a big problem. You spend the entire game keeping rivals away from Senpai by killing them, making them uninterested in him, or ruining their reputation, and after all the bad experiences he had with those (rather) normal girls, you expect me to believe that the girl Senpai, the perfectly normal guy at all levels, ends up choosing is the creepy lonely student that he has barely spoken to? Nah, I don't buy it. This is why, in my rewrite, my Senpai would be (most of the time) considered as a regular student that you can actually interact with. That means, first, that Ayano wouldn’t get immediately flustered by him when approaching him. I understand that people, especially teenagers, can act shy, nervous, or a little clumsy when their crush are at sight, but seriously, the depiction of this behaviour in the game is completely ridiculous. So, in my hypothetical game, you will have a small amount of time where you will be able to act normally near Daiki and talk to him before your heart starts beating louder and the screen gradually turns pink. Past this point, things pretty much happen the same as in the official game, since Ayano is emotionally unstable. Naturally, the more you interact with Daiki, the longer you will be able to remain calm in his presence.
Now that Senpai can be interacted with, it’s time to explore the potential of this addition by giving him another feature regular students have: tasks. Even if you can withstand his aura a bit better than in the official game, most of the conversations you’ll have with him won’t be long due to Ayano’s shyness. So, if you want to befriend Daiki, those little errands are the key to increase your affinity with him. For a more immersive narration, Daiki's tasks won't be your usual fetch quests that you can accept or refuse, but small talk where you must pay attention and figure out what to do to by yourself. The tasks will be at first very simple, like bringing him his schoolbag that he forgot in his classroom or gifting him the book he wanted to buy. Then, as he feels more comfortable around you, he will start talking a bit more openly about his life and his preoccupations, naturally leading to more complex tasks with more vague formulations and less obvious solutions, such as helping him become less invisible among his classmates. What would be the point of doing all that, will you ask? Having a higher affinity with Daiki will allow Ayano to make him follow her if you need to tactically move him for one of your eliminations. He will also be more likely to reject the rivals’ love confessions in case you don’t have the time to deal with them yourself. Moreover, narrative-wise, I think having the main character interact with their love interest would be a more realistic and healthier depiction of romance in the story. Well, as “healthy” as a yandere can be. But of course, you could also completely ignore this mechanic and focus on eliminating if you want to.
Finally, I would like to improve the reactions he has regarding students' disappearances. Despite all those things happening near him, he is shocked for a bit and then just kinda... accept it like nothing strange happened? The second most important character of the game, ladies and gentlemen. I get it, Senpai is a loner, he is passive, and he is dense. But at this point, that's not being passive anymore, that's being a wooden plank. So, this is my take: Daiki's sense of justice and passion for literature gave him a natural curiosity for crimes because of its depiction in novels. When facing murder, he will mostly act according to the loner archetype. However, if too many deaths or disappearances near him stay unresolved by the police and his sanity is high enough, he will find the courage to take a more active role and investigate on the crimes himself. Obviously, Daiki won't be able to arrest anyone by himself, but he has the advantage of being directly at the crime place and closer to the people at school than the police. Thus, he could report them additional details that they might have missed, like a student acting stranger than usual, missing tools or places cleaner than usual. This could put you in trouble unless you cover your tracks very well, or just prevent him from investigating. And of course, I would also implement Senpai's sanity meter that has been promised for I don't know how much time (but honestly, are you still hoping for it to be implemented after all that happened?), although slightly reworked. Daiki's sanity would decrease with any person dying. The closer the person is to him, both physically and figuratively, the lower it would drop. The deaths that would affect him the most would thus be those of his sister, his childhood friend, or anyone murdered right in front of him. On the opposite, a random student dying at the other side of the school would barely have any effect. A low sanity would have various effects on Daiki depending on its value and the amount of time he has spent with the other students. Those effects could be taking private lessons due to his grades dropping, joining a certain club to feel safer, or shutting himself in at home in one of the worst scenarios. In any case, this would affect his routine. Just like in the official concept, he would be able to recover sanity with a long enough crimeless period or giving him gifts. Only now would the rivals also be able to use the later method to gain affection, making them act a bit more like romantic rivals. I hope you don't mind actually caring about your senpai's mental health.

Relationships with other characters

The rivals
Obviously, a reworked senpai means reworked dynamics with your main targets. Since detailing everything would be way too long for a single post, I'll just link here my take on the romantic rivals that I decided to keep in my hypothetical game, and here, what I'd do with the discarded ones. Since they are Daiki's closest people, and the most likely to affect his mood in the game, I'll still put here what I have in mind for my version of Osana and Hanako.
His sister
Just like his canon counterpart, Daiki loves his sister very much. A feeling that is reciprocated a bit too much. Unlike her brother who has a balanced lifestyle, the middle-schooler is a very clingy girl who can't imagine being away from him. She has the bad habit of leaving her school during lunchtime just to visit him, which greatly embarrasses Daiki. Even if he appreciates the time they spend together in the end, he knows that this behaviour is unhealthy, and hope that, one day, his sister will find the confidence to become more independent. In my rewrite, the little sister isn't a romantic rival, but someone that I'd call a "big obstacle", as her role is mainly to appear at random (or maybe not, I haven't decided yet) days during lunchtime and potentially mess up your planification for the day. You wouldn't want to kill someone in front of your crush's beloved sister, right?
His childhood friend
Daiki and his sister have known their neighbours' daughter for more than a decade. All three of them used to play together during their childhood. The neighbours' daughter is a brash and impulsive girl, whose personality clashes with Daiki's quieter nature. Despite frequently being at odds and arguing about trivial things, both of them deeply care about each other and would be the first person to help the other if they were having problems. Daiki and his friend didn't have many occasions to see each other since elementary school, until the girl coincidentally transferred to the same high school as him. Even if he is now more serious and reserved than before, deep inside, he is still the same kind boy that she knew. Now that they can once again spend much time together, the girl has come to realize she was in love with her dear friend, but her internal turmoil and her personality make it difficult for her to act sincere and confess her feelings. She stays otherwise pretty similar to Osana, except for the greater consequences when dealing with her by using lethal eliminations, and maybe the fact that she won't be the first rival to appear.
Budo (or whatever name I'll end up giving him)
Yes, you read it right. That guy that overshadows Senpai among the fans is one of his friends in my rewrite. Because even the most introverted individuals are able to develop relationships with people that aren't potential romantic interests. The leader of the martial arts club is an outgoing action-oriented boy who is pretty popular at school. Unlike Daiki, Budo always knew in his heart that his place would be in a dojo, and thus doesn't have much interest in academics. But despite having such different backgrounds and personalities, both boys share the same sense of justice and admiration toward heroes. When he's not attending classes, studying or reading, Daiki hangs out with Budo, and is sometimes invited to watch the martial arts club members practicing. If too many dangerous events happen around Daiki, Budo, as an aspiring hero and good friend, will propose to escort him at certain periods, becoming basically a part-time bodyguard.
Ayano
Nothing much to say here. Daiki unknowingly reminded Ayano, who has locked her heart for years, how great it is to have feelings when they first met, and now she wants to make sure nothing stands between them. How she will reach her ends is your decision. If she decides to spend time with him and do his tasks, he will think of her as a peculiar, but well-intentioned girl. Just like in canon, Daiki is oblivious to Ayano's feelings, but it's more due to the fact that they barely know each other.

Trivia

• Regarding his career choice, Daiki is hesitating between becoming an author, a lawyer or a criminologist.
• Like Taro, he also likes nature and gardening, but to a lesser extend.
• Sometimes, instead of a book of classic literature, you can see him reading the latest crime novel at the fountain. With a pen and a writing pad, because he's just that invested.
• Since he is friend with Budo, he sometimes feels too plain and boring compared to him regarding romance. If you use matchmaking to eliminate a rival, his self-consciousness will grow a bit stronger.
• He has never bought a panty shot from Info-chan, but honestly, do you really find this surprising, or even relevant? He has never even contacted Info-chan.
• I had quite the choice among popular Japanese boy names. Daiki could've been named "Yamato", "Daisuke", "Hiroto", "Yuto", "Yuu", or even "Satoshi" instead.
• In the official game, if Ayano commits a crime in his sight while wearing a mask, Taro will rip the mask off her face with no regard for his safety or his character consistency. I would like to get rid of this behaviour for Daiki, except for one specific circumstance.

​
And that was my full-fledged take on Taro. When you have an ordinary person as a character in the middle of very colourful ones, the key to make the public care about him is to give them tangible preoccupations that, even if they aren't always relatable, make this character at least feel like a real person with human struggles and dreams, and not just a barebone plot device. And that might seems obvious, but if you have to write a love interest, make sure you actually show your public what your main character likes about him. That's even more important in the case where many people are attracted to this character. I tried to take those two things into account when rewriting Taro, and I know it's far from perfect, so don't hesitate to tell me what I should improve. In any case, if you made it to the end, thank you for taking the time to read this long post. I hope I'll find the motivation to do the same with other characters.

Most of you have probably seen the truly disastrous New York Times/Sienna swing state polls that came out this morning, that paint a dire picture for the ostriches in the Biden campaign. I understand dismissing polls from outlets like Rasmussen, because their entire polling operation is just a guy named Gary sitting behind a folding table in the lobby of the Rec Center at The Villages. But are we going to dismiss The New York Times? Are they part of the “vast right wing conspiracy” now too? What about NBC, Washington Post, NPR, CBS et al? And virtually all of the polls are wrong? Biden’s approval numbers? The “wrong track” numbers? Biden’s confidence numbers? The economic poll numbers? Everything is wrong? Really? Now who’s on “Earth II?”
And then there are the numbers themselves. A traditional (+/- 3%) MOE means a 6-point swing. NYT has Trump at +13 in Nevada. Assuming that poll is off by a whopping 50%, he’s still beating the swing. That’s disastrous. 10 points in Georgia? Horrible. 7 points in both Michigan and Arizona? All outside the swing. Polling among traditionally Democrat voting groups are even less encouraging. Recent polling indicates 30% of Black men are considering voting for Trump. Suppose that survey is off by 50%, it still means 15% - which is disastrous for Biden. Don’t even get me started on the youth vote. Many people forget that not too long ago, the big prizes of Ohio (18 electoral votes) and Florida (29 electoral votes) were up for grabs. With those two states now firmly in the Red column, the Democrats have a very narrow gauntlet to run.
For some reason, whether it’s rose-colored optimism or just plain denial, we’re all supposed to act as if everything is fine. From Simon Rosenberg to Geoff Garin to Molly Jong Fast (who I’m now calling Pauline Kael, Jr) we’re told not to worry. But you know things are bad when you watch turd-polishing Democrat operatives on cable news say things like:

“Well, Anderson, when you look at exurban, lactose-intolerant, Latvian-American independents with three fingers, aged 37-39, Biden is +2 compared to 2020…….”

My spleen is going to implode if I hear one more Democrat pundit say, “Don’t worry, polls this far out fluctuate wildly.” Yes, in a typical year they do. But this is no typical year. For the first time since 1892, two former presidents are running against each other, and that changes everything. Why pundits and campaign managers can’t seem to understand this is simply beyond me. Unless your comparisons are to the 1892 race, I don’t want to hear them. In a typical election year, polls move drastically in the last 6 months because the electorate is getting to know the challenger for the first time. That’s simply not the case this year.
Both these men are completely known quantities. There’s nothing left to discover. Both have run against each other before. Both have done the job of President before - very recently. Opinions are largely set. That’s why we’ve seen almost no movement in polls from 12 months out to 6 months out. Everything is baked. Trump killed one million Americans by ignoring COVID, staged a literal bloody coup attempt, was convicted of rape, defamation and a lifetime of financial fraud totaling almost half a billion dollars, and the needle didn’t move. If you think getting convicted of “falsifying business records” is going to move that needle, then I’ve got some oceanfront condos in Nebraska to sell you. He’s not going to jail. Short of him killing Kristi Noem’s other dog live on the Times Square Jumbo-Tron, Trump’s numbers are fixed. Biden fares no better. Is he going to get younger over the next 6 months? Are we going to have sudden deflation that wipes out 3 years of price increases? Is the Fed going to cut rates by 5 points? Are the Israelis and Palestinians going to start holding hands and singing Kumbaya? In 6 months? There are no October Surprises coming, folks - so don’t count on one.
That’s why we need to take these polls extremely seriously - NOW. No more dismissing them. No more waiting around hoping they’ll change. No more, “Just wait until “______” months out. No more whistling past the graveyard. Our task is different this cycle. It’s not about persuading open minds, it’s about changing voters’ closed minds, which is a far more difficult and lengthy task. Here are a few ideas for starting that process now:

1. LEAN HARD ON THE CONCEPT OF FREEDOM: Across the political spectrum most Americans share one core value: We like to be left alone. We don’t like busybodies (especially the government) telling us what we can and can’t do. We like our freedom. The GOP has already become the party of extremist, authoritarian busybodies, and their future plans are truly dystopian. We need to hang the entire party’s authoritarian impulses around Trump’s neck like an albatross. Book bans, IVF bans, abortion bans, protest bands, porn bans, voter suppression - these are not popular with the vast majority of Americans. We need to start portraying the GOP as the Handmaid’s Tale/SNL Church Lady/Nurse Ratchet figures that they are. (And it’s not hyperbole when it’s already happening in Red states coast to coast. We have plenty of ammo). The hallmark message of this campaign needs to be “Creepy Republicans (mostly men) are obsessed with your bedroom and your bathroom.” Do you want Ted Cruz in your OB/GYN’s exam room with you and your doctor? Because that’s where we’re headed if you elect Trump/Republicans. Educate the hell out of Americans on Project 2025 and its Evangelical-based Puritanism. That’s a long, tough task that needs to begin NOW, not in October.
2. EDUCATE PEOPLE ON BIDEN’S ACHIEVEMENTS: This shouldn’t have to be our job, but sadly Biden has been sitting in an ivory tower for 3+ years, refusing to use the world’s biggest bully pulpit to tout his own achievements. Add in a mainstream media that completely ignores him and it’s even worse. It might be too late. Read this truly stunning article from The Hill: 34% of Americans know NOTHING about the American Rescue Plan. 44% know NOTHING about the CHIPS Act. 24% know NOTHING about the Inflation Reduction Act. The infrastructure law fares no better, at 30% ignorance. 25% of the country thinks Biden is responsible for ending Roe V. Wade! Maybe educating them will pull a few percentage points our way, but it’s an uphill climb at this late date.
3. PROMOTE THE HELL OUT OF RFK, JR: I’ve been beating this drum for months now, and thankfully some Democrat operatives are starting to come around. RFK, Jr is one of the greatest gifts the Democrats have ever received, and they need to starting acting like it. Unlike Biden and Trump, he is the one candidate in this race that Americans are getting to know for the first time. And once they do, he pulls almost exclusively Trump voters. Kennedy has virtually no appeal to Democrats, once they get to know him and his policies. So educate them! Promote him! He is doing almost exclusively MAGA press, picking up almost exclusively MAGA endorsements, and taking almost exclusively MAGA positions. If you don’t believe me, please sign up for his emails. They are virtually indistinguishable from Trump’s messaging. Go to one of his events - you’ll find almost entirely former Trump supporters. As people have gotten to know RFK, Jr. his polling as gone from pulling mostly Biden supporters, to mostly even, to pulling mostly Trump supporters. His brand of wacky, anti-vax conspiracy theorism is perfectly poised to keep 3rd-party-curious voters from returning to Trump. Trump and his MAGA surrogates have been stepping up their attacks on RFK Jr lately, because even they know it in their bones. The Democrats need to promote RFK, by using social media to micro-target the anti-vax, conspiracy theorist, tinfoil-hat crowd that would traditionally go back to Trump. It’s a golden opportunity, and they’re blowing it.
4. STOP ACTNG LIKE IT’S 1982: Biden and his surrogates seem stuck in a time warp. They’re operating a campaign from a bygone era: Wait until the last few months, run some local TV ads with American flags and amber waves of grain, send out some junk mailers, pick up a union boss endorsement or two, get the local paper (if it even exists anymore) to endorse you, smile a lot, and kiss some babies. Meanwhile the GOP knows it’s in a fight for a knife in the mud. Trump is doing rallies - where are Biden’s? Trump and his minions are savaging Biden on a minute-by-minute basis - where are Biden and his surrogates? Don’t wait to go for the jugular - do it now. And keep that shiv in Trump’s neck for the next 6 months. Don’t worry about looking “Presidential” - worry about looking strong. Get creative and provocative with your dystopian ads. Scare people. Don’t worry about naysayers complaining that you’re exaggerating, because you’re not. Leverage social media - hard. Live in 2024. Embrace it. In other words - stop bringing a casserole to a knife fight.

None of these ideas may ultimately work, but we need to start the fight, and start it now.

Hello everyone! I have been removing a lot of posts for violating rule 2: no requests for money. This rule is in place because the majority of money requests I remove are from accounts with no post history or obvious scammers.
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Each Monday I'll make a new thread, feel free to post here if you are in need of some financial or material assistance.
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Hello! Please, whoever has the patience to read would help me enormously, as I have been suffering for 7 months. Sorry for bad english!!! I'm only 18 years old, I don't want my life to end or be like this. I had my first panic attacks around October 2023. I didn't know how they felt, I had them from calcium drops but they manifested differently. I went to the psychiatrist where I received Serlift 0.5 mg per day, but after 5 weeks I abandoned them because I could hardly tolerate them, I had nausea, constantly dilated pupils, imbalance, etc. On top of that, I also had swallowing difficulties which were quite rare but became more and more frequent. In December, I had already reached the point where I could no longer swallow solid food, and in January (2024) I started not being able to feed myself even with mashed things, purees, etc. I was eating somewhere around 2-3 teaspoons of soup per hour, somewhere around 2 bowls of clear soup. I went to a gastroenterologist where they did a digestive endoscopy, without a biopsy, and there was a wound caused by acid on the esophagus at the bottom, so their diagnosis was reflux + a hiatal hernia. I received treatment with Nexium (one pill in the morning) but I did not feel any improvement. At the same time, I went to the ENT because I felt like I couldn't breathe and they said that I have hypertrophic chronic rhinitis, which doesn't go away, so if it continues like this I will have to have laser surgery, it's quite an easy operation and minimally invasive, but they are worried back the nasal turbinates. The difficulty in swallowing decreased for a while, but it appeared again, stronger that I could not even swallow saliva and water without drowning. I then went to the doctor in Cluj where they redid my endoscopy and manometry. The manometry came out normal, but at the endoscopy, this time with a biopsy, I had reflux esophagitis. I received nexium treatment in the morning and in the evening and in addition to that I also did acupuncture and everything is almost back to normal, I still have a difficulty with bakery products and with seeds, meat. Rather, the problem remained that I feel how it slowly flows down my throat, but it's ok. During the investigations I went to the lungs and the heart. They discovered adult asthma in my lungs (I didn't have asthma as a child but I had many pneumonias) and since then I received treatment with foster and an antihistamine in the evening (Aerius). I felt that I was breathing hard (that I was inhaling hard), but I quickly understood that this is also anxiety, because many times my oxygenation was good. I haven't given up smoking since I have asthma, I've reduced it but now I want to quit because I feel that it's hard to EXPIRE the air outside, or I feel that when I want to inhale, I exhale. Or when I exhale deeply forcefully (because I have to force myself) I feel a pressing pain like a punch between the chest and the neck but rather towards the neck. The therapist said that these are NOT signs of anxiety, but the doctor I go to knows my problems with anxiety and often leaves it to her. I went to the heart because I had low blood pressure, but I also had anemia and that was also a cause (I have a very white face and palms). He said it could be a sinus tachycardia. But more recently, I feel as if my left breast is trembling or aching. The problem with breathing worries me the most, I'm afraid that there might be some hidden pneumonia. I had lung x-rays almost 2 months ago, but then I did NOT have those symptoms. I'm not saying that it's not possible for something to have appeared in such a short time? I keep thinking why do I have these moods? The therapist says that she does NOT think it's anxiety because even in the neurofeedbeek device (the one that measures the stress delta wave) I have low waves after the therapy. I don't want to feel like this anymore, I want to live my life because I don't have any worries or stress. If this time too everything looks good on x-rays and ultrasounds, what tests should I do? What lack of minerals/vitamins or what deficiency can cause such ugly conditions? Note: I think I know how to explain batter. I feel like i keep the CO2 in my lung instead of letting it go out.

On August 18, 2015 the Boston Red Sox hired the late General Manager of the Detroit Tigers, Dave Dombrowski, to run the team, replacing Ben Cherrington. The development focused Cherrington had failed to follow up the Red Sox miracle 2013 season with even winning records in the two years since, though the farm system ranked among the very best in baseball and a wave of prospects had just hit the majors (among them, Xander Bogaerts, Jackie Bradley Jr., Mookie Betts, and Blake Swihart). Thus, the swapping of Cherington for Dombrowski was rightly interpreted as the Red Sox moving to a more assertive phase, to win now even at the expense of the player development system.
Ironically Dombrowski had been fired by the Tigers because of his belief that the organization’s competitive window had closed and that the team needed to rebuild; the Tigers gave the job to his former assistant who got one more winning season out of their aging core before the inevitabilities became insurmountable. By that time the Red Sox were in the midst of their second straight division crown of three, which climaxed with the single greatest season in franchise history. This is how Dombrowski built that team, as well as the fiscal panic that cost the Red Sox the greatest all around player in franchise history following it:
~2015~
November 13, 2015: Traded Logan Allen, Carlos Asuaje, Javy Guerra and Manuel Margot to the San Diego Padres. Received Craig Kimbrel.
The first major transaction of the Dave Dombrowski era set the pace for the next four years; trading four prospects for a relief pitcher constitutes the classic win-now move. In this case the Red Sox won the deal in both the long and short terms, as only Manuel Margot developed in regular at the major league level, and that at a position where the Red Sox were not in need (center field). Meanwhile Craig Kimbrel made the all-star team in each of his three seasons in Boston, the second of which was one of the greatest relief performances in the game’s history.
December 4, 2015: Signed David Price as a free agent, 217 million dollars over seven years.
At once the most maligned and most underrated move of the Dombrowski era as well as being the biggest, the David Price signing saw the Red Sox for the first time handout a nine figure contract to a free agent pitcher. This was all the more dramatic as they had alienated and traded away their own homegrown southpaw ace (Jon Lester) less than eighteen months before. This was also the first time with the Red Sox that Dave Dombrowski acquired a player he was he previously familiar with, perhaps slightly overpaying for that familiarity. Did we mention that this was largest contract ever given to a pitcher at time, too?
Price had a solid first season in Boston, leading the league in innings pitched with 230 and striking out nearly a man per inning. Nonetheless the first three years of his tenure were marked with mutual hostility towards the ever-ravenous Boston sports media, only alleviated after his fantastic 2018 postseason run. Aging and injuries limited both the quantity and quality of his performance in 2017 and 2019; this trend as well as his 31 million annum salary contributed to owner John Henry’s decision to offload Price even at the cost of Mookie Betts. If only for that last reason alone the David Price signing is one the Red Sox would likely not repeat in hindsight.
December 7, 2015: Traded Jonathan Aro and Wade Miley to the Seattle Mariners. Received Roenis Elías and Carson Smith.
The first of many times Dombrowski would be burned in pursuit of bullpen arms, this deal with Seattle comes down to Wade Miley for Carson Smith. Miley had been signed as a reclamation project by Cherrington before 2015 in the hopes that Miley could serve as a solid mid-rotation option, which he more or less fulfilled with just short of 200 league average innings. Smith on the other hand was coming off his first full season in the majors where he gave the Mariners seventy brilliant innings of high leverage relief pitching (2.31 ERA, 11.8 K/9, and only two home runs allowed).
In a twist of fate, this trade hurt both teams as Smith immediately got injured and only pitched 24 innings in the rest of his career while Miley bombed in Seattle en route to a midseason jettisoning. Yet he rebounded with Baltimore in 2017 and remains an effective if oft-injured starting pitcher to this day, currently with the Milwaukee Brewers.
~2016~
June 10, 2016: Drafted Bobby Dalbec in the 4th round of the 2016 amateur draft.
The once and future Red Sox, Quad A superstar Bobby Dalbec!
July 7, 2016: Traded Wendell Rijo and Aaron Wilkerson to the Milwaukee Brewers. Received Aaron Hill and cash.
With Pablo Sandoval well into his career of eating his way out of Boston, the Red Sox carried a gaping hole at third base from August 2012 to July 2017. One of the short term attempts at a fix featured the acquisition of infielder Aaron Hill, hoping that he and Travis Shaw could platoon for the rest of the 2016 season. The thirty four year old Hill had been decent in Milwaukee in the first half after two bad seasons, but he reverted to that form as soon as he put on a Red Sox uniform, posting a 54 OPS+ in 137 plate appearances. After another terrible eighty plate appearances for the Giants in 2017 Hill was done. On the bright side, the two players Dombrowski gave up for him never amounted to anything.
July 9, 2016: Traded Jose Almonte and Luis Alejandro Basabe to the Arizona Diamondbacks. Received Brad Ziegler.
Ziegler was an accomplished submarine righty who the Red Sox acquired for basically free to get same-sided batters out, a role which he fulfilled to perfection (1.52 ERA in 30 innings). Another clearly won trade for DD.
July 14, 2016: Traded Anderson Espinoza to the San Diego Padres. Received Drew Pomeranz.
At the time, Anderson Espinoza was a teenager in Single A while Drew Pomeranz had appeared to finally unlock his long-salivated over potential with an all-star appearance. Ideally the Padres were hoping Espinoza could eventually develop to that same quality while the Red Sox expected Pomeranz to fill the fourth spot in the rotation. Neither team got what they wanted, at least in 2016 or for most of thereafter; Espinoza immediately went down with a major arm injury which kept him from pitching professionally for five years. Pomeranz himself reverted to his pre-breakout level for the rest of the season, bounced back with a big 2017 (17-6, 3.32 ERA, a strikeout per inning across 174 frames) and then finally was the forgotten man on the 2018 pitching staff due to injuries and ineffectiveness (6.08 ERA in 74 innings, 66 strikeouts to 44 walks). At this point the thirty year old southpaw looked like the quintessential example of TNSTAAPP (There’s No Such Thing As A Pitching Prospect), another electric arm who would never match his potential due to injuries and command woes. Anyways, Pomeranz then seemed to resuscitate his career out of the bullpen for the 2019 Brewers and 2020-21 Padres with a sub-2 ERA across 70 innings in those three seasons…before injuries again struck. Though he has not pitched in the majors in three years he remains in the Dodgers minor league system, currently (where else) on the injured list.
December 6, 2016: Traded Victor Diaz, Luis Alexander Basabe, Michael Kopech and Yoán Moncada to the Chicago White Sox. Received Chris Sale.
It’s easy to forget now, but Moncada was not only a can’t miss prospect but one of the three best in all of baseball at the time, and Kopech was another Top 100 type. I’ve covered Kopech in my previous article on Red Sox pitching prospect busts but Moncada’s own failure to reach his ceiling was due more to injuries and a passive approach at the plate. Thus far into his career, Moncada has had two good seasons out of seven and played in at least 130 games in only three. With a strikeout rate of thirty percent, a declining walk rate, little power and less defense, he’s become a fourteen million dollar albatross even when on the field for the White Sox.
Sale, of course, had two Cy Young Award worthy campaigns before injuries and an ill-advised extension soured his final five seasons as a Red Sox. That extension will be discussed further when we come to it, but the trade on its own was inarguably a major victory.
Traded a player to be named later, Josh Pennington, Mauricio Dubón and Travis Shaw to the Milwaukee Brewers. Received Tyler Thornburg. The Boston Red Sox sent Yeison Coca (June 5, 2017) to the Milwaukee Brewers to complete the trade.
Yet another ill-fated trade for a relief pitcher, this time costing the Red Sox heavily in terms of value lost; Shaw went to become an all-star power bat at second and third base for the next two seasons in Milwaukee before his career petered out. Thornburg on the other hand contracted thoracic outlet syndrome from which he never recovered. Even if he had pitched well, the Red Sox could have used Shaw more than any setup man due to Dustin Pedroia’s career ending knee injury.
December 8, 2016: Signed Mitch Moreland as a free agent.
Mitch Moreland was a decent first baseman, but could Dave really not find someone better to play first over the next three years? Even if they cost more than $18.5 million?
December 20, 2016: Traded Clay Buchholz to the Philadelphia Phillies. Received Josh Tobias.
This was more of a psychic relief to Red Sox Nation than anything else, finally alleviating them of the constant confusion over which Bucholz would show up on the mound—the oft-injured and easy to hit version, or the dominating ace? Fittingly Clay’s last three seasons in the majors featured two horrid starts for Philly, sixteen dominating starts in Arizona, and then finally split the difference with a final dozen poor performances as a Blue Jay.
~2017~
June 12, 2017: Drafted Tanner Houck in the 1st round (24th pick) of the 2017 amateur draft.
Houck’s selection constitutes one-third of the total number of draft picks by Dombrowski that made which helped the Red Sox at the major league level (the other two being fourteenth round pick Kutter Crawford in 2016 and fellow first rounder Triston Casas in 2018); inability to find even depth pieces in the draft left the Red Sox farm system utterly void of impact talent by 2018.
June 23, 2017: Selected Doug Fister off waivers from the Los Angeles Angels.
As alluded to in my previous article, veteran GMs tend to reacquire players they were familiar with from previous stops. Fister had been an excellent fourth starter for the Tigers early in the 2010s but by 2017 the end was clearly staring him in the face; a 4.88 ERA in eighteen appearances (fifteen starts) just underlined this inevitable and unenviable conclusion.
July 26, 2017: Traded Shaun Anderson and Gregory Santos to the San Francisco Giants. Received Eduardo Núñez.
Nunez was the short-term solution to Pedroia’s knee injury. He turned out to be the medium-term solution too, as the degenerate condition of the incumbent’s affliction led DD to resign Nunez that winter. While fantastic down the stretch in 2017 this was a stretch of the infielder’s capabilities; Nunez suffered his own knee injuries and posted a remarkable -2.3 WAR as Boston’s primary keystone occupant over the 2018 and 2019 seasons.
July 31, 2017: Traded Gerson Bautista, Jamie Callahan and Stephen Nogosek to the New York Mets. Received Addison Reed.
Another deadline, another deal to reinforce the bullpen. Reed was inconsistent for the Red Sox during his two month stay, which turned out to be the penultimate chapter for his career—a poor 2018 in Minnesota marked the end of his major league career, an astonishingly quick demise even for a reliever.
~2018~
February 26, 2018: Signed J.D. Martinez as a free agent, five years and 110 million dollars.
The best free agent signing of the Dombrowski era, JD provided the power bat the Red Sox sorely lacked after Big Papi’s retirement. In his first and best season in Boston Martinez led the majors in both runs batted in and total bases, placed third in MVP voting, and earned Silver Sluggers at two different positions! He declined linearly from there, but remains a productive member of any team’s lineup to this day; he has spent the last two seasons as the Dodgers and now Mets’ DH, attempting to compensate for declining bat speed by sacrificing contact for power.
March 4, 2018: Signed Ryan Brasier as a free agent.
The quality of Brasier’s pitching is inversely proportional to the quality of the expectations laid upon him. Thus he alternates excellent if limited seasons with ostensibly healthier but more erratic contributions.
March 24, 2018: Traded Deven Marrero to the Arizona Diamondbacks. Received a player to be named later. The Arizona Diamondbacks sent Josh Taylor (May 15, 2018) to the Boston Red Sox to complete the trade.
Deven Marrero was the prototypical good-field/no-hit infielder. Taylor is yet another oft-injured reliever, though he at least gave the Red Sox two solid seasons as the primary southpaw in 2019 and 2021. After missing all of 2022, he was traded to the Royals for Adalberto Mondesi and a teenage infielder named Angel Pierre; while Mondesi knee injuries seem to have ended his career Pierre posted a .415 OBP in rookie ball last year. Keep an eye and ear out for him as he climbs through the minor league ranks.
June 4, 2018: Drafted Triston Casas in the 1st round (26th pick) of the 2018 amateur draft.
Get well soon. There’s only so much Bobby Dalbec a fan can take.
June 28, 2018: Traded Santiago Espinal to the Toronto Blue Jays. Received Steve Pearce and cash.
Moreland had never and would never hit southpaws, but it took until the middle of his second season in Boston for the Red Sox to provide him with a platoon partner. When they finally did so at least they chose one of the very best platoon players in the major leagues in Steve Pearce; Pearce of course would win the World Series MVP that should have gone to Price later that year.
July 25, 2018: Traded Jalen Beeks to the Tampa Bay Rays. Received Nathan Eovaldi.
Even had he not resigned with the team during the offseason, Eovaldi would have earned his place in Red Sox lore for his heroic six inning relief appearance in the World Series. We’ll discuss the extension later, but also note that Beeks is perhaps the only pitcher who the Rays failed to turn into a Cy Young contender. What’s the opposite of adding insult to injury?
July 30, 2018: Traded Ty Buttrey and Williams Jerez to the Los Angeles Angels. Received Ian Kinsler and cash.
With Nunez playing well below replacement level, the Red Sox needed a replacement for the replacement. Kinsler in his penultimate season at least provided a solid glove; just in case the Red Sox also picked up Brandon Phillips.
November 16, 2018: Signed Steve Pearce as a free agent. AND, December 6, 2018: Signed Nathan Eovaldi as a free agent.
These were covertly two of the worst transactions of the Dave Dombrowski era. Refusing to say goodbye to midseason rentals is risky enough, but the amount of money given to Pearce and Eovaldi also baffled reasonable explanations; a thirty-six-year-old platoon hitter at first base is replaceable enough, even when he’s not the weak side of the arrangement. Had Pearce played well and been healthy in 2019, perhaps the six and quarter million would have seemed mostly worth it; instead, he “hit” .180 in twenty nine games before retiring.
Meanwhile, Eovaldi’s lengthy injury history made it a minor miracle that he was healthy enough for the Red Sox during his three months in Boston—bringing him back for four years and sixty-eight million dollars can only be explained as a sentimental move, an excessive reward for that World Series performance. As could have been reasonably expected in December 2018, Nitro Nate only proved worthy of that contract in one out of four seasons; in the other three he was either injured for most of the season, ineffective, or both.
~2019~
March 23, 2019: Extended Chris Sale for five years, 145 million dollars.
It wasn’t the David Price contract that caused the fiscal panic that cost the Red Sox their best player since at least Carl Yastrzemski, not really. The Red Sox could have eaten that sunken cost, had it been the sole albatross on their pitching staff. But, of course, it was only one of three unnecessary contracts that Dave Dombrowski issued to injury-prone starting pitchers on the wrong side of thirty. Sale had already shown long term red flags in 2018, which argued for letting him play out his walk year in 2019 before possibly ponying up the cash to keep him. After all, the Red Sox also had to extend Xander Bogaerts as well as the inestimable Betts; those two would cost at least sixty million a year to retain. Since they were coming off the most dominant single season in franchise history, perhaps now was the best time to let go some of the chief contributors, before the Red Sox tricked themselves into trying to recapture lightning in a bottle…Well, you know what happened in reality.
Between them, Eovaldi, Sale, and Price cost the Red Sox $52 million in 2019 alone, then $67 million in 2020; accounting for other contracts (JBJ’s arbitration rang up $11 million, Bogey was extended for $20 million, and JD was on the books for about $24 million) that was at least $122 million dollars already assigned to six players entering 2020. Assuming a payroll of effectively $200 million, this would have left about thirty million to spend on the other twenty-odd players required to field a team after giving Mookie his presumed megadeal. Turning back to 2019, just like with the Tigers in 2015, Dave couldn’t even make his customary July trade for pitching; the acquisition of Andrew Cashner from the Orioles felt like a low-budget parody of his previous deadline splashes, which of course it was.
There’s the real reason Dave Dombrowski was fired—just as in Detroit his full throttle commitment to a win-now mandate from ownership eventually led to a top-heavy roster and barren farm system. Have fun while you can, Phillies Phans.
Final Note/Small Self Promotion I forget to add: You could have read this post ten days earlier if you follow my blog

This happened 8 years and a half ago, December 2015 (really long time yeah).
I was being a studpid teenager boy and went into chatroulette/omegle and I found someone who I though was real and I jerked off and even showed my face. But it resulted to be fake, because when I finished the video turned off and a man was waving at me saying that he recorded everything. I was 17, so I told him thay I was a minor and that he would go to jail. I pretended to take a picture of him (he was not show his face though). Then I left the conversation in absolute panic, not really knowing what to do. So I dont know if he was gonna try to ask me for money (even though he didnt have any personal information of myself) or if he just wanted to laugh at me...
It is a traumatic situation that has been coming back and forth to my mind, sometimes haunting me. I looked in porn sites for videos of "webcam" or "solo" categories from time to time in the years after, sometimes doing really deep research, but I never found anything.
Now this came to my mind really hard again, after some years in which I even forgot or didnt care, but now I care a lot for some reason... I feel dirty, weak and full of fear. But it does not make sense because if the video is out there, it has been too long and lost in the Internet, and if not even me looking for it I could find anything, who that I know could?
How would you live with the uncertainty of not knowing what happened? Was he just laughing at me or he had the intenciones publishing it was well? Why would he have showed me himself mocking at me?

So I am not sure if I have abilities others don't or if I am more sensitive than the average person,
Background, I grew up in a haunted house but never experienced anything really outside of feeling like someone may be watching me, I had heard from other family what they had experienced when I was too young to remember.
As I got older I have always been different from most, however I have some mental issues, bipolar,ptsd,anxiety,addiction
I've always had vary vivid dreams from a young age, as I've gotten older I was very depressed and stuck to myself being homeschooled after the fith grade, I got into drugs at 17 and became addicted to various substances plus my mental illness went wild, however I no longer take substances outside of cannabis and mushrooms. I'm also as stable as I can been on medications.
As I moved out of the house at 13 to another I would get nightmares being in the old house and I would be getting tormented by spirits, It started as just a haunted house trying to scare me, then I got mad because of the occurrence and would be in a vivid dream taunting it, never really winning it would laugh or only show itself when it wanted to not me.
In my dreams I will see my loved ones like normal but be able to tell that isn't them and will notice and then my dreams get weird and I either wake up or try to get away, I'm aware now and don't get them as often but it was terrifying at a point.
I got into reading the satanic bible, lucifieran bible and necronomicon, at one point, during this I had a vivid dream I wasn't on this planet and went to a place that was dark with odd terain and glowing green water, however I had a dream I was going into a church and instead of a normal pastor it was a demonic one and had a cloak over his face , I had a rosary with a bone and gave it to him, accepting that I don't have power in my dreams and am sorry for taunting the spirits in my reoccurring nightmares, it went down to know I only have them rarely and know what's going on everytime it happens again.
During my addictions I have experienced sleep paralysis and it was terrifying, like a demonic smoke figure in a cloak looking at me feeding of the fear,
I have had my aunt pass and visit me in my dreams, I have had my grandpa pass and visit me in my dreams, I didn't get to say goodbye, and got closure in my dream, I woke up feeling like the hug was real.
I knew the night before my grandpa passed he was going to had a gut feeling but I decided not to follow that instinct, next morning I woke up to uncle banging the door however my dream was a old guy in a room that didn't have anything, just sitting infront of me no conversation, woke up and my grandpa was gone, feel it was him but didn't wanna show me it was him yet.
Anymore my nightmares if I have them are usually still in the old house and has to do with a spirit trying to take the shape of my loved ones, I have never seen the spirit responsible, only felt it in my dreams and heard laughs when I try to be more powerful than it.
Not super long ago I had a dream a tornado was coming for me at my current house, we had stroms not super long after and while it wasn't my house it hit 30 minutes away from me and my girlfriends step dads house got hit.
I feel like I am sensitive to energy, I can sense the feelings of being watched at times, getting goosebumps and hair standing up not due to the cold but somthing around, especially when I talk to people or give them tarot card readings, I can end up with my hairs standing or goosebumps if the conversation felt like it resonates with me.
I have an amazing relationship with my girlfriend, we I belive are twin flames, so similar, almost like we can read eachothers minds at times and say the same things at the same time often or can guess what she's about to say at times, but I also feel whenever her energy shifts and so does she if mine shifts.
I can sense if a person is good or bad, I can also at times sense somthing bad a long time in advance before it actually happens. Unfortunately.
One of the best new experiences I have had was taking mushrooms with my girlfriend for healing, I do it somewhat often, helped with grief , addictions, mental health, spirituality,
It brings us closer together and helps us both to heal, I didn't know it was possible but we managed to be able to use our energy on eachother while tripping and have what feels like full on sex without any touching involved, it can last for a long time too, this has happened the last 3-4 times we have tripped once we discovered how to tap into each other's minds. It's almost better than having actual sex, I feel like we leave our bodies and full on merge together as one during this time.
Now this is were it gets weird , a few days back we went to a place in amish country and once inside I noticed it felt off, however to not waste money and with everyone posting such good reviews figured we would stay and take mushrooms for healing as we do about once every month - 2 months,
I had the feeling in this house that the loft and basement were bad places to be, like being watched and feeling like there was somthing in this house, not sure what but something the first floor felt the best but still uneasy,
We had grabbed a clock from downstairs, plugged things into this one outlet next to the stairs and clock prior to taking mushrooms, they were charging, clock worked. Outlet worked, downstairs had a weird sad vibe to it ,weird musty smell also Sulphur smells randomly and even the water smelled like Sulphur there was a hornet in the toilet when we got there and had to flush it, also was 2 stains on the cieling in basement, not sure if it was water leak or if someone may have passed in the house and it soaked thru the ceiling of basement.
We wanted to paint eachother as we took the mushrooms, we did this until they started to kick in and once they kicked in we went and started fear and loathing in lost vegas, once I started getting closed eye visuals and working on my innerwork, my girlfriend felt like she wanted to go downstairs to lay in bed,
We stayed in bed holding eachother , bonding, eventually tuning into eachothers energy having sex without actually having it, then we couldn't hold back anymore and actually had sex, however we stayed down there until the trip wore off, it was about 3 am and everything switched on us.
She was feeling really sad and like she wanted to leave this place, I felt like I was being watched down there and somthing bad had happened in the past, I went to go upstairs was kinda afraid to alone but eventually went upstairs because she wouldn't at the time, tried to charge my phone and the outlet and clock didn't work anymore, I had been talking about leaving the house because she was feeling targeted and I felt like it didn't like either of us but like it wanted to feed off her if she went to sleep.
We went upstairs at a point and when I was asking if there were spirit's in the house and that if so I meant no disrespect and will only be staying until we could leave in the morning safely, as I would talk about the spirits seemed like my girlfriend would feel sick, same as being in the bed, very sad while downstairs.
I opened a bible and it was weird it didn't even feel like real paper , it also was moving by itself somewhat like working against me or moving for me to point out things, the clock on the wall was moving way faster than normal after this,
I tried getting her to leave , I didn't want to stay anylonger but knew we had to wait until sunlight atleast, she fell asleep and I was sitting next to her in this erie basement, had to turn the fan on because felt like if it was quiet I would loose it, what's not normal is the fact that she went to sleep and didn't really move, make sounds or anything like usual. I felt like I could hear people upstairs as she was asleep, almost like music was playing or a man signing and it was on repeat it would come and go, such low volume but also loud , the fan in the mix didn't help but I didn't wanna hear it anylouder.
I ended up trying to sleep and kinda did for a few hours but no dream I was hoping I would have a vivid dream of what happened in this house.
In the morning got our stuff packed up and left, before leaving I had used a ghost box. Told the spirit we were about to leave and as my girlfriend was going to the car it talked, then when she came back inside I left the ghostbox going and it talked while we were both there. I told it that we are leaving and this is your house but you are not welcome to come with us. Right as I opened the door I got a whiff of sulphur and as we left the house sulphur smell followed for a while.
Went to a shop got sage, used it before we got home, then yesterday unpacked from our trip and I made the joke about hopefully nothing came back with us from there. I went fishing and used the scissors from the house, i forgot to put them back so I have them. I saged our room, bags, clothes and once I found it left it outside in our burn barrel, didn't wanna risk it being in the house.
Last night we should have gotten good rest tho and we did not so I wonder if it had to do with those scissors coming from that house. 🤔
Anyways, long story but honest opinion would be helpful and on top of that if theres a way to strengthen my senses and all that would love to know!

So I am not sure if I have abilities others don't or if I am more sensitive than the average person,
Background, I grew up in a haunted house but never experienced anything really outside of feeling like someone may be watching me, I had heard from other family what they had experienced when I was too young to remember.
As I got older I have always been different from most, however I have some mental issues, bipolar,ptsd,anxiety,addiction
I've always had vary vivid dreams from a young age, as I've gotten older I was very depressed and stuck to myself being homeschooled after the fith grade, I got into drugs at 17 and became addicted to various substances plus my mental illness went wild, however I no longer take substances outside of cannabis and mushrooms. I'm also as stable as I can been on medications.
As I moved out of the house at 13 to another I would get nightmares being in the old house and I would be getting tormented by spirits, It started as just a haunted house trying to scare me, then I got mad because of the occurrence and would be in a vivid dream taunting it, never really winning it would laugh or only show itself when it wanted to not me.
In my dreams I will see my loved ones like normal but be able to tell that isn't them and will notice and then my dreams get weird and I either wake up or try to get away, I'm aware now and don't get them as often but it was terrifying at a point.
I got into reading the satanic bible, lucifieran bible and necronomicon, at one point, during this I had a vivid dream I wasn't on this planet and went to a place that was dark with odd terain and glowing green water, however I had a dream I was going into a church and instead of a normal pastor it was a demonic one and had a cloak over his face , I had a rosary with a bone and gave it to him, accepting that I don't have power in my dreams and am sorry for taunting the spirits in my reoccurring nightmares, it went down to know I only have them rarely and know what's going on everytime it happens again.
During my addictions I have experienced sleep paralysis and it was terrifying, like a demonic smoke figure in a cloak looking at me feeding of the fear,
I have had my aunt pass and visit me in my dreams, I have had my grandpa pass and visit me in my dreams, I didn't get to say goodbye, and got closure in my dream, I woke up feeling like the hug was real.
I knew the night before my grandpa passed he was going to had a gut feeling but I decided not to follow that instinct, next morning I woke up to uncle banging the door however my dream was a old guy in a room that didn't have anything, just sitting infront of me no conversation, woke up and my grandpa was gone, feel it was him but didn't wanna show me it was him yet.
Anymore my nightmares if I have them are usually still in the old house and has to do with a spirit trying to take the shape of my loved ones, I have never seen the spirit responsible, only felt it in my dreams and heard laughs when I try to be more powerful than it.
Not super long ago I had a dream a tornado was coming for me at my current house, we had stroms not super long after and while it wasn't my house it hit 30 minutes away from me and my girlfriends step dads house got hit.
I feel like I am sensitive to energy, I can sense the feelings of being watched at times, getting goosebumps and hair standing up not due to the cold but somthing around, especially when I talk to people or give them tarot card readings, I can end up with my hairs standing or goosebumps if the conversation felt like it resonates with me.
I have an amazing relationship with my girlfriend, we I belive are twin flames, so similar, almost like we can read eachothers minds at times and say the same things at the same time often or can guess what she's about to say at times, but I also feel whenever her energy shifts and so does she if mine shifts.
I can sense if a person is good or bad, I can also at times sense somthing bad a long time in advance before it actually happens. Unfortunately.
One of the best new experiences I have had was taking mushrooms with my girlfriend for healing, I do it somewhat often, helped with grief , addictions, mental health, spirituality,
It brings us closer together and helps us both to heal, I didn't know it was possible but we managed to be able to use our energy on eachother while tripping and have what feels like full on sex without any touching involved, it can last for a long time too, this has happened the last 3-4 times we have tripped once we discovered how to tap into each other's minds. It's almost better than having actual sex, I feel like we leave our bodies and full on merge together as one during this time.
Now this is were it gets weird , a few days back we went to a place in amish country and once inside I noticed it felt off, however to not waste money and with everyone posting such good reviews figured we would stay and take mushrooms for healing as we do about once every month - 2 months,
I had the feeling in this house that the loft and basement were bad places to be, like being watched and feeling like there was somthing in this house, not sure what but something the first floor felt the best but still uneasy,
We had grabbed a clock from downstairs, plugged things into this one outlet next to the stairs and clock prior to taking mushrooms, they were charging, clock worked. Outlet worked, downstairs had a weird sad vibe to it ,weird musty smell also Sulphur smells randomly and even the water smelled like Sulphur there was a hornet in the toilet when we got there and had to flush it, also was 2 stains on the cieling in basement, not sure if it was water leak or if someone may have passed in the house and it soaked thru the ceiling of basement.
We wanted to paint eachother as we took the mushrooms, we did this until they started to kick in and once they kicked in we went and started fear and loathing in lost vegas, once I started getting closed eye visuals and working on my innerwork, my girlfriend felt like she wanted to go downstairs to lay in bed,
We stayed in bed holding eachother , bonding, eventually tuning into eachothers energy having sex without actually having it, then we couldn't hold back anymore and actually had sex, however we stayed down there until the trip wore off, it was about 3 am and everything switched on us.
She was feeling really sad and like she wanted to leave this place, I felt like I was being watched down there and somthing bad had happened in the past, I went to go upstairs was kinda afraid to alone but eventually went upstairs because she wouldn't at the time, tried to charge my phone and the outlet and clock didn't work anymore, I had been talking about leaving the house because she was feeling targeted and I felt like it didn't like either of us but like it wanted to feed off her if she went to sleep.
We went upstairs at a point and when I was asking if there were spirit's in the house and that if so I meant no disrespect and will only be staying until we could leave in the morning safely, as I would talk about the spirits seemed like my girlfriend would feel sick, same as being in the bed, very sad while downstairs.
I opened a bible and it was weird it didn't even feel like real paper , it also was moving by itself somewhat like working against me or moving for me to point out things, the clock on the wall was moving way faster than normal after this,
I tried getting her to leave , I didn't want to stay anylonger but knew we had to wait until sunlight atleast, she fell asleep and I was sitting next to her in this erie basement, had to turn the fan on because felt like if it was quiet I would loose it, what's not normal is the fact that she went to sleep and didn't really move, make sounds or anything like usual. I felt like I could hear people upstairs as she was asleep, almost like music was playing or a man signing and it was on repeat it would come and go, such low volume but also loud , the fan in the mix didn't help but I didn't wanna hear it anylouder.
I ended up trying to sleep and kinda did for a few hours but no dream I was hoping I would have a vivid dream of what happened in this house.
In the morning got our stuff packed up and left, before leaving I had used a ghost box. Told the spirit we were about to leave and as my girlfriend was going to the car it talked, then when she came back inside I left the ghostbox going and it talked while we were both there. I told it that we are leaving and this is your house but you are not welcome to come with us. Right as I opened the door I got a whiff of sulphur and as we left the house sulphur smell followed for a while.
Went to a shop got sage, used it before we got home, then yesterday unpacked from our trip and I made the joke about hopefully nothing came back with us from there. I went fishing and used the scissors from the house, i forgot to put them back so I have them. I saged our room, bags, clothes and once I found it left it outside in our burn barrel, didn't wanna risk it being in the house.
Last night we should have gotten good rest tho and we did not so I wonder if it had to do with those scissors coming from that house. 🤔
Anyways, long story but honest opinion would be helpful and on top of that if theres a way to strengthen my senses and all that would love to know!

TLDR at the bottom
Been together with this girl for 10+ years. We really had a great relationship. We had this incredible balance of trust, freedom, responsibility and caring. About 2 years ago, we simultaneously decided to make a career switch. I started my own startup whilst she got the opportunity to step into a semi-manager role.
At the time we had a 5yo son and 2yo girl. We worked hard and professionally managed to accomplish great things whilst running a good family life. But we forgot to invest in ourselves and eachother. My co-founder went through a difficult time so a lot of work ended up with me, giving me increasingly more stress. At home, I managed to do the stuff that needed to be done, but was just mentally absent. I felt like becoming more agitated and apathetic about everything. I went through a really difficult time but luckily my girlfriend was really understanding and supportive.
Then more shit hit the fan. The grandmother of my girlfriend passed away, she had a really great relationship with her. At the same time, she was looking forward to a new colleague to support her after one year of waiting, but got the news she had to wait another several months. And even more, she received concerning medical news that possibly could turn out to be cancer.
I saw her becoming more quiet, distancing from me. When I tried to talk to her about how she felt, she always tried to turn the conversation away into a more practical topic not concerning her feelings. She suddenly would go out for walks in the middle of the night, messaging for hours on her phone, which was not her usual behavior. She suddenly got dressed up more than ever, went to stylists, started working out,.. Something was changing. She seemed depressed but somehow also found a drive to do this new stuff.
I was still in a mentally bad place. After 9 years she suddenly went silent. I was well aware I haven’t been emotionally available for her in the last months so at some point, the idea pops up that she’d possibly was seeing someone else, despite rationally I knew that only could be a 1% chance.
Anyway, as valid as my feelings were, I decided to just ask her right away. She was somewhat flabbergasted but just laughed and said no. And that was it. We never had once a point were we distrusted eachother. She just said no and never asked why I’d ask such thing.
So it just fed my feelings of distrust even more. Three days later, she went even more quiet and distant but I buckled up and asked her if she wouldn’t think that was a strange question? She acknowledged that but ended the conversation quite quickly again. I couldn’t wrap my head around it and at night decided to peak in her phone and went through messages to find.. nothing. I felt really bad I did this because I’d never accept my partner going through my personal stuff. Trust is so important for me.
About 1,5 year before all this, I decided to ask her to marry me, which she wanted. I waited 8 years to ask her (!!!) but due our more busy life, organizing the marriage was on a low pace. We already booked a location for june and had a wedding planner getting everything ready.
I decided to suggest her to pause the wedding preparations to take some time to recover from what happened to her and we both could use some time off. She inclined to continue the preparations of the wedding. I asked her if she was sure she still wanted to marry me, because she didn’t take any initiatives in the last months, which at some point was logic concerning what happened to her. But she insisted she still wanted to marry and it would help her to concentrate at something positive in her life. This was december last year.
In the weeks following, I several times tried to make a moment to talk. She always changed subjects, said had chores or work to do,…
Eventually one evening late february she said she wanted to talk. She told me she increasingly lost feelings for me since months but never dared to tell me because she didn’t want to hurt me. Then all that personal stuff happend to her. She was emotionally already too far away from me to reach out to me, especially since she felt I was also going through a hard time. She kept up with loving texts, sex and even confirmed to still marry, just not to hurt me.
She just went through all those feelings behind a wall. She never told me once her feelings for me changed. Apparently she had so many disappointments in moments I didn’t pick up her feelings. I don’t know if that was caused by me being mentally absent or her not being clear enough about what she expected. Probably something in between.
She left the day after and went to a closeby airbnb for a month, just so she’d close to the children. She slept all day, stopped working, went through an immense hard time. She couldn’t talk to me nor see me. She was a complete different person to me. I could see aversion in her eyes when she saw. She didn’t want me to ask her what happened and just wanted me to accept this new reality.
After one month she had to return home because she had no place to stay so we started bird nesting (the children stay at home and we swap places every week) She still hardly wants to talk about her feelings or what happened, and gets angry if I try to. The only thing she wants is to leave me and get to rest.
She’s in a real bad place and there is no wqy I can reach her emotionally. Friends and family she talked to, reach out to me and say she really needs help, which she refuses. She signed a contract for an apartment closeby. She can enter one week before our initial wedding date..
We have little savings due her long study career and my startup so she’s getting her financially in a difficult position too.
I’m three months later now and still can’t wrap my head around this. I’ve been together with her for more than 10 years and in no way she’d ever do anything like this. We always had a really deep and trusting relationship. She’s a different person now. My mental and emotional energy constantly shifts between being concerned about her and trying to keep myself together. I feel anger and mourning at the same time about the same person. She disrespected me, lied to me about her feelings. I even have no chance to change anything.
I still cry multiple time every week and it feels like one step forward and two steps back. I have no perspectives except she’ll leave the house (we’re bird-nesting for the time being) and will end up probably have to sell the house we bought together because I lack money to pay the mortgage myself.
I feel desperate, depressed, lonely, overthinking all day.
I’m seeing a psychologist since the week she left. She’s trying to make me concentrate on my own needs and put boundaries to protect myself. But it’s very hard to do so. I feel really empathetic to her. She really needs help and seems to be in a flee-mode.
TLDR: my girlfriend hided her feelings for probably a year, and left me when going into a depression.

Posting to help myself process the climb and provide thoughts for others thinking about Denali unguided on minimal experience. Open to thoughts and critique from people who know what they're doing. I'm obliged to thank all those who provided their thoughts and guidance to me on this subreddit a year ago. Also, to the guidance from Steve House and the other guy in their YouTube Denali video.
TLDR: Did not summit, learned lots.
It was a great idea... We trained pretty hard in the flatlands... We bought lots of good gear... and some not so good..... We were optimistic.....And realistic, we thought....
But... man, oh man. Denali is BIG, Alaska is BIG. And Talkeetna felt very small after 24 hours.
First alert was assembling our food. We drop shipped almost all the food to our hotel in Anchorage. We got in about 9pm, got everything from the desk and walked over to Wal Mart for the rest. Started packing food into daily rations about 10pm. We thought that would take 30 minutes. Try close to four hours, confusion, second guessing ourselves and each other on quantities, days, recipes. Got to sleep much later than we thought. We both worried that we'd be tired, maybe too tired for when we were dropped off on the glacier the next afternoon. HAH!!
Met Gary the shuttle driver the next morning. Watch some other TRs on YouTube and you'll get to know Gary, friendly, outgoing with good info about Talkeetna. We arrive on time, go through check in and somehow we got bumped out of our Ranger meeting. Come back later and we'll still have time to get to our flight. Did I mention it's overcast with light rain? Go through the ranger meeting, head over to TAT to find that we're 76th and 77th on the waitlist with. "Come back tomorrow at 8am for an update." Two guys we met on the shuttle actually make the plane that day because they understood the process with TAT and were all set to go after the Ranger meeting. Guy at TAT checks us in and takes our $$. No other info is offered or asked for. We're aware we need sleds and wands but we guess they just go on the plane with us.
We find the TAT climbing hostel and are grateful to find two bunks in the same room. My buddy is, not germophobic, but he is right up to that line. We eat at a restaurant that night, figuring, hey, 7 climbers per flight, 11 flights, mid afternoon tomorrow right? We check in at TAT at 8am, they're making waffles and have actually great coffee. But they have no idea if there'll be any flights today. Wander back and forth from the hostel, through town to the airfield. This is day 2 of 16 days we've given ourselves to go up. At day 16, no matter where we are, we go down.
Day 3, repeat day 2 but now we're using the hostel kitchen. I'm cool with the level of hygiene because this is only a level or two beyond how I grew up, when things got chaotic. I'm impressed with my buddy's fortitude, and grateful because I don't want to pay for food when it's already been bought. We hear good news that afternoon about the weather. Buddy suggests we get an AirBnB for this night to get a good nights sleep and clean shower before we likely fly out the next day.
Day 4, the weather starts to clear and now there's real activity at the airfield. My buddy, who doesn't sit still well, joins a group of workers at the airfield digging a trench. I sit on the deck, breathing deeply and hoping we can get out today. Then we get word we're up soon. Then I ask, hey what about sleds and wands? Find out climbers should get this arranged right after check in and we scramble around getting this set up. I grab a sled without looking it over well. As we and our gear are being driven over, I see this sled has some serious cracks and swap for a better one 10 minutes before we fly out.
The flight up is amazing. The transition on the glacier is hectic, a short controversy about which mountain can belongs to who and we get off the landing strip quick. We find a spot to set our tent a fair ways up the hill and get to work melting water for dinner and the next day. Take my skis out in order to prep for tomorrow and find the front straps of my skins have torn and are irreparable. I walk around camp, find a guy who's leaving who sells me his skins for $50. Can't believe how lucky I am. I walk around and get pictures, bury, wand and gps tag our cache. I'm blown away, I'm alive in a way I've only experienced a few other times in my life. I'm excited to get going in the wee hours of day 5. Plenty of days left, right?
Get up and going on time. Feels so good to be hauling the sled, carrying the pack. Going down is helpful. Going on flat and climbing isn't bad. I am working harder than my buddy(MB) from here on. He's 20 years younger and places top 5 in regional ultras, I'm a caboose guy at these. Anyhow, I feel like I'm holding him up, like he's disappointed in our pace. We arrive at 8K camp 8 hours later. MB points out that successful groups do this in 6hrs. I'm reply I'm working at a pace that I believe gets me to 14K in good shape, and what else did you want to do today? Ends fine, we each accept where the other one's at. Set up camp, Denali Pizza (simple and awesome) for dinner. Melt water, pull out the gear, food we'll cache at about 9.5K tomorrow. Good day, amazing as clouds lift a bit and we see more terrain.
Day 6, realize we're not eating 2 bagels each per day. We've over planned with bagels and several other foods. Too much weight but unsure about how to move things around. Lighter packs, lighter sleds and the first real climb. We do good work, talk a bit to teams coming down, most not having summitted. Bury, wand and GPS tag our cache. Tie empty sleds to our packs and head down. When we get to the real down hill, it's trashy, flat light, and I'll own this: I was rattled being off balance with a bit more weight and bulk going down. Got in my head and took some time to descend. MB frustrated or just me in my head? Got back down, did camp work, napped, ate dinner.
Day 7, push up to 11K. Snow picking up and visibility still good. I'm slower than MB again, and even though this is a fact we're both well aware of since we talked about Denali 3 years ago, it's in my head and won't leave that I'm holding us back. We start up the first real climb into 11 camp. Wind blown snow is making wands hard to see, we're using his Garmin to verify the route. The skins I bought at the airfield don't cover the width of my skis at the tips and tails. As we're taking an aggressive elevation gain on switchbacks, I'm slipping more and more with less skin to snow contact. We crest the rise and hike through the camp to find a spot at the uphill end. We begin setting up camp. I mention looking forward to having a kitchen tent now that we'll be in the same place for 3 days. MB basically says, go ahead but I don't think we need that and I won't be part of digging it out or setting it up. I get started probing an area, setting the outline of the dig and then realize this will take me hours and give up. Dinner, melt water, discuss tomorrow's back hauling. I propose we boot down from 11 camp and put skis on at the base of the climb and MB seems okay with it.
Day 8, wake up to heavy snow. Dig out our enclosure and have breakfast. Put more food we didn't eat into the "carry forward bag" which is getting heavier by the meal. Dig out again, and again, and again. Mid-afternoon we start getting weather reports through garmin in-reach texts with a guy back home and from other teams and guides. Consensus in 6 more days of this but up to 48" per day. I run the math: 8+6=14. Hmmm: 16-14=2. Then I run the flights per day math and number of teams we've seen descending, number of teams likely to descend with this forecast. My math says we could be stuck here 6 days and at the airfield for that or more. All for 2 more possible days of ascent. MB disagrees and wants to wait it out. We walk through various scenarios and I hold firm. MB agrees we'll go down because we both agreed if one wanted to go down for any reason, that was that. MB is a guy who holds to his word in this and all aspects of life.
We pack up. Fast...and sloppy. We want to fly out tomorrow. I'm not excited anymore, I'm anxious and want off Denali. Not be in a tent for two weeks in snow. We boot down the hill below 11 camp, put on skis and find our cache at 9.5, combine stuff. I get my stuff packed well. We start down. The track is blown in and we are navigating entirely by Garmin, using the standard route. Not reversing our climb up, which followed the visible track and wands. Are we actually on safe snow? We're both thinking that question but not saying it out loud. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I'm in front setting the track so MB's sled has something to ride in. If he's in front, his sled tips over. He's calling directions to me for the route, "Left...more left...rightish... too far."
We head down the last hill into 8 camp. I allow my sled to be in front of me and steer it like reins on a horse. Snow plow, keep it slow and things are moving along fine for me. MB wipes out over and over. Repacks his sled and gets down the last 200 yards well. We ski right through 8 camp. Someone asks if we're headed down and then says that if we call in to the airfield from there, we're already in line. True or not, we're finishing this in one push. Visibility is still about 15 feet but now we have a track to follow. We're both cautious with the downs. Don't know if we need to let it rip to go up again or if there's a corner we need to be slow for. We get to the airfield in 9.5 hours. Dig up our cache and consolidate our gear.
MB decides he'd rather not cowboy camp with the fly and we set up the tent and go to sleep. Up at the appointed hour and get in the flight queue. The guy says he'll give us plenty of notice so we can take down our tent, IF we fly out today. I am now watching every cloud for signs of building or diminishing. A few planes fly in, circle and leave. We're napping on and off.
Then I hear the guy yelling, "that's your plane". It's being loaded. We're 200 yards away in our fully set up tent, pads and bags. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK. I go down and ask "what happened?" "I don't know, two guys snaked your flight." Talk a bit more about other stuff, what he's been reading, we're into some similar literature. He then guarantees we'll be on the next flight that comes in, whether today or tomorrow. I'm listening for airplanes full on now, just want to get down and be off the mountain.
We do get on a flight that day, get a hotel and move flights and shuttle to fly out of Anchorage tomorrow. I walk down by the river and call my wife. "Honey, this will sound weird, I need you to tell me I'm really off the mountain and not dreaming." This helps a lot.
We make all our connections and fly out, get back home the next day. If you got this far, thanks, I guess. It's cathartic to write all this down. I replay this trip or parts of it every couple weeks even now. MB and I did our repair work and still call, text, hang out, run together when I'm in town. I do not regret going one bit, yet not getting further up still hits me hard. My fears and reaction to niggling discomforts on the mountain tell me I'm weak.
If I did it again:

1. No skis on Denali for me. I'm a competent skier and can get down serious stuff out west without embarrassing myself. A pack and a sled skiing down through crud with low visibility? Snow shoes all...the...way.
   
2. 4 people, not two. Enough guys to set up a kitchen tent, split camp duties into smaller tasks. I need a place to spread out, talk, cook and eat in a comfortable position.
   

2A. Allow way more time, a month total.

1. Better conversations about pace and relative speed well before the trip.
   
2. We did ropes work, simulated crevasse rescue, camped out in -10F. More time winter camping and skinning in the woods together.
   
3. MB and I climbed Mt Adams. We summitted Rainier together unguided in 8/2022. Took a 3 day custom guided mountaineering class in 12/2021 to learn skills. Didn't go above 7K in the class. Handled our shit well for two days. Not enough time to really know what we're in for physically and work through team frictions about pace, leisure time, camp life. Maybe we could have climbed Rainier and Baker on the same trip? Maybe spend several days at Camp Muir and summit twice? Climb Rainier early season?
   
4. Guided if I try again? Maybe.
   

I read this back and the inner critic says, "I'm a whiny bitch", just like when I am thinking about it every couple weeks. If I go back it can't be about that, not trying to prove that voice wrong. If I go back...it'll be because of that alive feeling I got on the airfield glacier, to have it again, to avail myself of a second chance to live a dream.
Thanks for reading all this. Part confessional, part TR.
I feel better.

I (23M) am in a 4 month relationship with my girlfriend (26F). Although she's not officially diagnosed with BPD, I can notice a couple of BPD symptoms in her such as impulsivity, mood swings and intense emotional responses.
She shows emotional intimacy to me, initiates conversations and is contact with me frequently every day. She even get’s a bit jealous if a girl follows me on Instagram, is curious to know more about me and is interested in meeting/dating more often. She was the one who suggested getting physical as well.
We’d a minor dispute 3 days ago and she blocked me on Instagram. The following day, she unblocked me, followed me again and liked my latest post. I didn’t follow immediately, but she kept contacting and sending romantic messages till I followed her back.
This has happened 3 times in this 4-month relationship already. All due to disagreements on trivial issues. We get irritated quickly, short fuse and unfollow each other. But the resentment is minimal and after just 2 or 3 days, we reconnect due to missing each other.
She broke up with her ex 2 years ago. The final year was rocky and in the on/off mode. She was the one who reached out most of the time to reconcile, but it only got worse. After the break up, she'd depression for almost a year.
It's been a couple of years that she vapes moderately and even occasionally gets stones to mitigate her mood shifts; but she has not taken any medications.
I don’t know if these temporary cuts signal manipulation, controlling behavior, avoidance, instability and passive-aggressiveness; or are just unimportant blips due to not knowing each other enough and will stop once the boundaries are defined.
Some people have told me these are signs of BPD, while others believe she's clingy and emotionally dependent.
I was wondering what the chance of this relationship to last is. Will this get worse overtime once the honeymoon phase is over?
tl;dr male (23) and female (26) in a 4 month relationship. 3 times of blocking/unblocking each other on Instagram but reconciling very quickly and easily. I'm noticing BPD symptoms, though I'm not an expert.

I (23M) am in a 4 month relationship with my girlfriend (26F). Although she's not officially diagnosed with BPD, I can notice a couple of BPD symptoms in her such as impulsivity, mood swings and intense emotional responses.
She shows emotional intimacy to me, initiates conversations and is contact with me frequently every day. She even get’s a bit jealous if a girl follows me on Instagram, is curious to know more about me and is interested in meeting/dating more often. She was the one who suggested getting physical as well.
We’d a minor dispute 3 days ago and she blocked me on Instagram. The following day, she unblocked me, followed me again and liked my latest post. I didn’t follow immediately, but she kept contacting and sending romantic messages till I followed her back.
This has happened 3 times in this 4-month relationship already. All due to disagreements on trivial issues. We get irritated quickly, short fuse and unfollow each other. But the resentment is minimal and after just 2 or 3 days, we reconnect due to missing each other.
She broke up with her ex 2 years ago. The final year was rocky and in the on/off mode. She was the one who reached out most of the time to reconcile, but it only got worse. After the break up, she'd depression for almost a year.
It's been a couple of years that she vapes moderately and even occasionally gets stones to mitigate her mood shifts; but she has not taken any medications.
I don’t know if these temporary cuts signal manipulation, controlling behavior, avoidance, instability and passive-aggressiveness; or are just unimportant blips due to not knowing each other enough and will stop once the boundaries are defined.
Some people have told me these are signs of BPD, while others believe she's clingy and emotionally dependent.
I was wondering what the chance of this relationship to last is. Will this get worse overtime once the honeymoon phase is over?
tl;dr male (23) and female (26) in a 4 month relationship. 3 times of blocking/unblocking each other on Instagram but reconciling very quickly and easily. I'm noticing BPD symptoms, though I'm not an expert.

I (23M) am in a 4 month relationship with my girlfriend (26F). Although she's not officially diagnosed with BPD, I can notice a couple of BPD symptoms in her such as impulsivity, mood swings and intense emotional responses.
She shows emotional intimacy to me, initiates conversations and is contact with me frequently every day. She even get’s a bit jealous if a girl follows me on Instagram, is curious to know more about me and is interested in meeting/dating more often. She was the one who suggested getting physical as well.
We’d a minor dispute 3 days ago and she blocked me on Instagram. The following day, she unblocked me, followed me again and liked my latest post. I didn’t follow immediately, but she kept contacting and sending romantic messages till I followed her back.
This has happened 3 times in this 4-month relationship already. All due to disagreements on trivial issues. We get irritated quickly, short fuse and unfollow each other. But the resentment is minimal and after just 2 or 3 days, we reconnect due to missing each other.
She broke up with her ex 2 years ago. The final year was rocky and in the on/off mode. She was the one who reached out most of the time to reconcile, but it only got worse. After the break up, she'd depression for almost a year.
It's been a couple of years that she vapes moderately and even occasionally gets stoned to mitigate her mood shifts; but she has not taken any medications.
I don’t know if these temporary cuts signal manipulation, controlling behavior, avoidance, instability and passive-aggressiveness; or are just unimportant blips due to not knowing each other enough and will stop once the boundaries are defined.
Some people have told me these are signs of BPD, while others believe she's clingy and emotionally dependent.
I was wondering what the chance of this relationship to last is. Will this get worse overtime once the honeymoon phase is over?
tl;dr male (23) and female (26) in a 4 month relationship. 3 times of blocking/unblocking each other on Instagram but reconciling very quickly and easily. I'm noticing BPD symptoms, though I'm not an expert.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to be dead in the next 24 hours.
Whether that's the Costella family, or whatever this is, I'm not sure.
The police are taking forever, and part of me knows they're either refusing to believe me, or RC got them too.
I'm holed up on our school bus, so I've got nothing better to do.
I want to tell you about my team.
We met in our sophomore year.
Strangers standing outside the club room.
Levi was the freckled brunette who wouldn't stop talking about Game of Thrones.
Sunny, a pretty redhead, told him to shut up.
Tom, a sandy blonde, nodding his head to music corked in his ears.
I just wanted to be part of a club, and get away from my overbearing mother.
I won't say it was a perfect start. Our school was lacking in funding, so anyone could join, which made us more of a Quiz Club. I had some serious anxiety, so I stayed on the sidelines for a while, watching, rather than taking part.
It's not like we actually talked to each other initially. The first few weeks, we played Jeopardy, and attempted to find more members to cement us as an official Academic Decathlon club.
Unfortunately, though, it was just the four of us.
Which made it extremely hard for us to be taken seriously.
According to Google, Academic Decathlon teams were made up of nine members, placed by their GPA.
Our principal laughed at us, but he did let us become official.
Which was out of pity, I assumed.
The club was assembled, and we started meeting up after school.
Sort of.
Sunny barely showed up, and Levi didn't take anything seriously, preferring to spend the time telling us about his weird family turf-war.
Our principal dumped us in a tiny classroom with a resident rat living under the floorboards.
There was barely enough room to move, and the four of us crammed together for three hours was less than appealing.
Still, though, I wanted to be part of a club.
I had grown up with parents who were obsessed with board games, so I was pretty good at general knowledge questions. Our club room was too small for anything else but three desks (Sunny and I shared one) and a whiteboard we had to shove through the door.
But, again, we didn't start as an Academic club.
It was more akin to Story Time Club.
Arriving late on my third day, armed with quiz cards from home, I found Tom and Sunny completely mesmerised by Levi’s storytelling skills, drowned in shadow.
They didn't even turn the lights on.
I strictly remember squeezing next to Sunny, and hearing the words, “But there was so much blood all over the floor, and my Mom told me to go upstairs and hide under the bed…”
Sitting in front of them was Levi, perched on a desk, his legs swinging, a whiteboard marker between his teeth.
Sometimes he'd get up, and illustrate parts of his story.
It sucked that his drawings were all stick people.
I won't go into full details of his life, but Levi grew up as part of a family who had… interesting methods of making a living. I had seen the guy’s father multiple times when we hung out at his place, and, yeah, my friend’s family definitely had Soprano vibes.
Levi’s Draw My Life was nothing to do with the club, but it did bring us closer.
Even if, at that point, I was considering leaving.
But it's not like it was easy to walk away from these guys. It's like finding your soulmates. Levi wasn't the only one with an interesting life. Sunny Lang was an ex kpop trainee, who was kicked out for being too fat, which led her to develop a severe eating disorder, and a hatred for her own body.
Sunny explained her family were originally from Boston, her mother growing up in Korea.
She signed up for an idol agency focusing on creating a new girl group, and had gotten all the way to the final stages, before being kicked for her weight. Sunny told us her story with a smile, though there was a hollowness in her eyes I couldn't ignore. The other girls were judgemental bullies, and the idol diet and brutal regime almost killed her.
Sunny lived in a tiny apartment with 9 girls, who would tear each other apart for a chance to debut. Sunny said all the other girls debuted, and when we (not so patiently) asked for names, she shrugged, admitting she signed an NDA that prevented her spilling the beans.
What she did say, was the K-pop idol is a product, not a person– and are made and moulded into a product.
She had zero interest in throwing her humanity away to become a manufactured doll.
So, one of us was the son of an underground family, and the other was an ex idol.
Tom was an aspiring horror writer with a famous older step-brother.
His story times were usually, That one time I went to the Met Gala.
When it was my turn to reveal my story, I told them the only interesting thing about me.
I could smell when something bad was going to happen.
They laughed, but I was being serious.
When I was a kid, I smelled my mother’s brain tumor.
I remember it smelled like curdled milk.
I asked Mom why her head smelled of mouldy milk, and Mom laughed and said it was her shampoo.
It was actually a grade two tumor growing inside her brain.
Thankfully, the tumour was found quickly and removed.
Growing older, I became sensitive to smell. The little girl choking on the bus smelled of singed wood, and the old man crossing the road stunk of gasoline.
In the fourth grade, my classmate Alex Castor smelled of lemons all morning.
I sat behind him, choking on the stink all the way through class.
Ever since I met him, Alex had always smelled… off.
It was a distinct smell I could never understand, and as the days and months and years went by, that smell morphed into a subtle orangey musk that was so strong I had to cover my mouth and nose. Then, he smelled like lemons.
During Recess, I watched Alex fall off of the jungle gym, straight onto his head.
Alex Castor was dead before the paramedics arrived, my panicked teacher attempting CPR when his brains were leaking out of his ears.
The school claimed it was an accident, but Alex would have been fine if the jungle gym wasn't built on solid concrete.
I told my team members this, and Levi was sceptical.
“You can smell bad things?” He said, his lips curved around his milkshake straw. In the early days, we hung out in the local bar. It's not like we were allowed inside, but Levi could get us in anywhere.
I was squeezed between Tom and Sunny, while Levi took the seat opposite us. I couldn't help noticing our waitress was insisting on free milkshake refills, her frantic eyes glued to Levi.
I had zero idea why. Levi Costella was about as intimidating as a fruit fly.
Wearing a white shirt with a popped collar, a leather jacket thrown over the top, Levi was giving rebellious Harvard student, rather than son of a crime family.
Leaning forward, he raised a brow, clearly not believing me.
“So, you're like a stink psychic?”
I shrugged, sipping my own shake.
“Sure.”
I wasn't planning on telling him the club room smelled off on our first day.
Once we actually started the club, Levi surprised us as the smartest member, and getting to know him further, I came to the realization his family were infamous in our town.
However, his parents hid it well. Lucy and Michael Costella were the owners of a popular ramen store in our town, hiding under the facade of two successful business owners. The Costella’s were an attractive family.
Lucy was a sophisticated brunette with a lipstick smile, Michael, a handsome fluffy haired man who looked like he modelled glasses.
The two were fiercely protective over their youngest son, not so casually reminding us behind grinning smiles, that if anything happened to Levi, we would automatically be involved in the family.
I mean, they did laugh and say, “We’re joking! Look at your little faces!” when Sunny went deathly pale. But there was definitely truth behind their words.
Being Levi’s friend was… challenging at first.
Tom and I were in his room studying for finals, and an alarm went off, flooding Levi’s room in red light.
I had zero idea where it was coming from, but it locked all the doors and windows, forcing the Costella residence into temporary lockdown. Levi didn't seem fazed, casually mentioning his parents were taking care of it.
He had a whiteboard set up in his room, and was standing in front of it, cramming all of our textbook notes into one easily digestible drawing.
Levi wasn't just smart.
He was Ivy League smart, so we had struck gold with him.
His family were questionable, and yes, sometimes I did fear for my life, but as the more time we spent at his house, the Costella household became a second home. We got used to the alarms.
I just brought along ear plugs.
I wish I was writing this post about Levi’s family, and sure, they are a factor in what is going on right now, but I want to preface this by saying the events below involve the 2024 scholastic decathlon final in our town with the school’s listed:
Starbrook High School.
Ratcliffe High School.
Please note, the incident that took place last night was immediately covered up, and all phone footage was destroyed. Our town is mostly out of the way, and does not show up on Google searches.
We also have our own version of the academic decathlon, which is a more town-level competition, due to lacking funds. The four of us were desperate to start competing with our schools.
So, we started taking things a little more seriously.
We got a coach.
Mr Hanes, who was hesitant at first.
In his words, “You will hate me as your coach.”
He started by recruiting more members, announcing, “If you want to be taken seriously as an actual club, then I'll be taking the reins from now on.”
He did, and with our teachers guidance (and sometimes brutal honesty), we reached a level where we could start competing with other school’s in town. Now, none of us knew this, but Mr Hanes was obsessed with winning.
So, club meetings were twisted into two hour study sessions with no talking, followed by Mr Hanes Jeaprody, which was Jeaprody, without the actual fun.
We were quizzed multiple times, answer cards and practise questions quite literally thrown directly in our faces.
I hate to admit this (I really hate to admit this) but Mr Hanes’s tactics worked. Sure, we had been mildly brainwashed by our slightly unhinged coach, but with Levi Costella, we destroyed our competitors. Like I said, our town held their own version of the academic scholastic decathlon, but it was pretty much the same, with some changes.
Ten subjects. Language and Literature, Math, Social Science, Economics, Art, Music, Interview, Speech, and Essay.
Unlike the official Decathlon, ours was more like a game show, with the ability to be knocked out if a team member answers a question wrong. Whoever answers the most questions correctly wins. Team meet ups were either tests, study sessions, or quizzing each other.
Which leads me to last night.
The finals were held in the reigning champions, Ratcliffe High School’s, auditorium.
And we were about to win our town’s Scholastic Decathlon 2024 Championships.
Well…I was knocked out in the music section. Standing next to my coach who I was sure was going to asphyxiate from excitement, I could smell the sudden potent stink of lemon. I tried to ignore it at first, but the more questions my team were answering correctly, the smell got worse, suffocating my senses.
This wasn't just lemon. The stink was like a burning, singing smell trickling into my nose and the back of my throat.
It was stronger than what Alex smelled like.
This was suffocating, drowning my thoughts.
“Are you okay, Cassandra?”
Mr Hanes nudged me when a Ratcliffe girl was struggling to answer a question, only for Sunny to jump in with the answer. “You look quite pale.”
I nodded, forcing a smile.
My gaze was on the Ratcliffe coach, a scary looking blonde woman, whispering in one of her student’s ears.
The Ratcliffe kid freaked me out. He was way too tall, dark blonde hair, and bulging eyes I swear were not blinking.
His gaze was glued to Levi, who wore a smug grin.
There was a smaller girl next to the Ratcliffe kid, a Macbook balanced on her knee. Every so often, he leaned into her, the two of them in deep conversation.
“I'm just nervous.”
I jumped when Ratcliffe scored a point, their side erupting into cheers.
During the break, we had a mini team meeting.
Sunny rushed to the bathroom to freshen up, and I noticed a Ratcliffe girl with a bouncing ponytail following her.
Ignoring our coach’s speech, I joined the two girls in the corridor, that lemony scent hanging thick in the air.
I caught them in an awkward position.
The Ratcliffe girl had her fingers pinched between the material of Sunny’s dark blue shirt bearing our school’s name.
Sunny looked confused, her lips parted like she was going to yell.
Ponytail dropped her hand, suddenly, with a nervous laugh. “Oh! I'm so, so, sorry,” she gushed. “You had, like, the biggest spider crawling on your back.”
Sunny caught my eye, shooting me a reassuring smile.
“Thanks.” She made sure to keep her distance. “Uh, where's your bathroom?”
The Ratcliffe girl nodded down the hallway. “It's just down there. I'm going there too if you want me to show you?”
Sunny motioned for me to go back to the auditorium. “Uh, sure! That'd be great!”
I did try to follow them, only for Sunny to cough loudly.
I took the hint, reluctantly heading back into the auditorium.
My team was hyping each other up, Levi in the centre, sweating through his team shirt. He ran a trembling hand through his hair. “I can't do this,” He groaned. “Ratcliffe High is known to play dirty, man. They're unbeatable.”
“In what way do they play dirty?” I asked, joining them.
Levi gulped down water, shrugging.
“I dunno! They're already trying to distract me with the stink eye.” The boy narrowed his eyes at a grinning Ratcliffe kid who, after noticing our stares, jumped to his feet, waving at us.
“Hey guys!”
“That's Harry Cartwright, the son of the Cartwright family who tried to kill my parents in the third grade.” Levi mockingly waved back. “As you can see, their kid is a fucking sociopath.”
Huh. I wasn't expecting the smiley kid to be the mobster’s son.
Harry Cartwright was not what I expected.
Unlike his team members, he was the only one in casual clothing, a short sleeved white shirt and jeans, a pair of sunglasses perched on top of his head.
Tom went pale.
“Fuck.” He hissed. “He’s one of you? Then those bastards will have a reason to play dirty, right?”
Levi shrugged, averting his gaze. It was the first time I saw his eyes darken, like he was subtly telling the boy to back off.
“The Cartwright’s have been trying to buy our land for a while,” he muttered. “I wouldn't put it past them to use the Decathlon as a way to attack.”
“Attack?!” April, another member of our team, hissed. “Like, attack attack?”
Mr Hanes grabbed the boy, resting his hands on Levi’s shoulders. “Ignore them,” he said. “Hey. Look at me.”
Levi did, raising a brow.
“You're losing that spark in your eye, young man.”
“Spark?”
Our coach nodded. “Look at me, kid.”
Levi rolled his eyes. “I am looking at you, Mr Hanes.”
The man was shaking. I was guessing his whole career (or coaching career) was on the line.
“They know they're losing, Mr Costella.”
Hanes shook the boy, squeezing his shoulders. “You are being positive and Ratcliffe doesn't like that. They want you to be nervous. They want to make you second guess yourself and lose confidence. Don't let them get into your head.” he smiled, giving the boy a playful shove. “Kick their asses.”
“Exactly!”
I didn't realize Sunny was back from the bathroom.
The faint smell of lemons had followed her. I noticed a wet patch on her shirt collar, though she was quick to smile at me, admitting she'd spilled water down herself. Sunny wrapped her arms around Levi, squeezing him into a hug.
She hung on for a little too long, Tom dragging her away with a laugh. “Good luck, all right?” she backed away, ruffling his hair. “We’ve got this!”
When I hugged Levi good luck too, I had to resist covering my nose.
The smell of lemon was unbearable, just like fourth grade Alex.
But it wasn't as potent as earlier.
I vaguely remembered the smell starting to fade once Alex’s body was being carted away on a stretcher.
Following my captain through the crowd, I was right. The smell was less suffocating. Before he went back to the stage, I grabbed the back of his shirt.
The material was soaking wet.
“How are you so wet?” I said, swiping my hands on my shirt.
“Huh?”
I shook my head. “Never mind. Do you remember what I told you in sophomore year?”
Levi settled me with a confident, but nervous smile. “Thaaaat you're scared of clowns?”
“No. I mean the boy who smelled of lemons.” I gritted out.
Levi surprised me with a laugh. “What are you talking about?”
Something ice cold trickled down my spine.
Levi did know what I was talking about. He brought up my stink sense a day earlier in front of his parents, and I had to cover his mouth to shut him up.
Leaning close, I whispered in his ear. “You stink of rotten lemons.”
He nodded slowly, pulling away. “Uh… thanks?”
I bit back a hiss of frustration. “No, you don't understand what I'm saying–”
“Starbrooke High School,” The host announced. “Can all members please return to the stage.”
Levi held up his hand for a high five.
“Can we do this later?” He winked. “I'm kinda busy carrying this spelling-bee on my back right now.”
I nodded shakily, high fiving him, and letting him jump back onto the stage.
Before his words hit like a tidal wave, ice cold water slammed into me.
Spelling Bee?
Slowly making my way back to the stands, Levi’s mistake was circling around my head. He did win a spelling bee, but that was in middle school.
Thankfully, the smell of lemons was gone when I returned to my seat.
Mr Hanes handed me a soda. “Chill out, Cassandera, it's just a game.”
He could talk. The guy was on his fifth coffee.
Mr Hanes was not chilled out in the slightest.
Surprisingly, the event went well. I was half expecting my team to be crushed by the rafters, or caught in a blaze started in the crowd. But we were doing well. No, we were winning.
Reaching the climaxing round, Sunny choked against a smug Ratcliffe boy, joining me on the sidelines.
Levi answered the next question with a confident smile.
We were winning, but Ratcliffe could still catch up with a miracle.
The second to last question was to Ratcliffe, and it was general knowledge.
”Where on the human body would one find the *orbit?*
I knew the answer, and so did Levi, his lips breaking out into a smile when the Ratcliffe boy was hesitating, eyes wide.
Our school’s buzzer went off, Levi slamming his hand down.
Bzzz!
The host turned to our team. “Starbrooke, can I have your answer?”
Levi nodded, shooting our team a victory grin.
“It's…!“ He opened his mouth to answer, his jaw slackening suddenly.
The boy’s shoulders slumped.
“Uh… “
“Um…”
“Huhhhhh…”
Levi inclined his head, blinking, his eyes glazing over. There was a sudden, hollow vacancy that sent chills down my spine. It was like someone had reached into his skull, and yanked out his brain, leaving a shell in his place.
To my confusion, our team captain frowned at his buzzer like he'd never seen one before. He pressed it, exploding into child-like giggles.
Bzzz!
The audience laughed along nervously.
Tom nudged me. “What the fuck is he doing?”
Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz!
Levi’s entire body was slumped, his hand slamming down on the buzzer.
I caught something pooling down his chin.
“Is he… drooling?” I whispered.
Mr Hanes looked mildly horrified. “Has he been drinking?
“Levi?” Tom spluttered. “Drinking?!"
Whatever we were watching, however, was definitely influenced by… something.
Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz!
“Young man, that is not a toy!”
The host wasn't amused. “Starbrooke High School, I need an answer from you,” He nodded to Levi, who was pressing the buzzer, his smile growing.
“Once again,” The host backed away, like Levi was contagious. “Where on the human body would one find the Orbit?”
Levi cocked his head, lips parted.
His gaze found the overhead lights, and he winced, his lips curling into a frown.
“Starbrooke High School!”
Levi jumped, tipping his head back and blowing a raspberry. “Palm tree?”
The audience laughed, and I started feeling nauseous.
Across from us, I could see the twist of a smirk on the Ratcliffe coach’s lips.
Bzzz! Levi slammed the buzzer again giggling.
“Starbrooke High School, if your team member continues to act like this, I will be forced to disqualify all members.”
Our captain stopped, gaze glued to the host, his hand creeping towards the buzzer, like it was a big red button.
The audience loved it, laughing like they were watching a sitcom.
“He wouldn't.” Tom whisper-shrieked.
The auditorium was silent for a moment, awaiting Starbrooke’s response.
Levi stuck out his tongue, slamming his hand down.
Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz–
When Tom dragged Levi away from his podium, a Ratcliffe girl hit her buzzer.
“Starbrooke High School, you are disqualified,” the host announced. “Ratcliffe High School, do you have an answer?”
It was Ponytail who nodded with a grin.
“The answer is the eye socket! The Orbit is part of the eye socket!”
“That is the correct answer.” The host was distracted, his eyes glued to Levi.
“Ratcliffe High School wins.”
Levi jumped when the Ratcliffe wide erupted into cheers.
His eyes were wide, clinging onto the buzzer for comfort.
Next to me, our coach looked like he was going to faint.
I barely noticed Ratcliffe’s victory, too busy watching our team captain, who was Harvard bound, tipping his head back and smiling at the ceiling like a new-born baby. Tom dragged the stumbling boy over to me, his mouth twisted.
“This was Ratcliffe, right?” He hissed, shaking our captain, who was struggling, squirming in his grip.
“Did they put something in his drink?!” He prodded Levi. “Hey! What did they do to you?!”
Still, though, drugging his drink didn't make sense.
Levi never left the auditorium, and kept his water bottle with him the whole time.
How did they even manage to slip something into his drink in the first place?
Did I smell our competitors drugging him?
Sure, intentionally inebriating my teammate was morally wrong and illegal, but why could I smell lemon?
“I doubt it was Ratcliffe.” Sunny squeezed next to me. “I've been watching them. They're harmless.”
“Then how the fuck do we explain this to his parents?!” Tom whispered, grappling with Levi, who was fighting to get back to the buzzer.
When Tom let go of him, he dropped onto the floor, crawling over to his podium. It was like watching a child.
Who was determined to piss off the adults.
Levi jumped back to instead feet, his gaze was glued to the host, a smile curved on his lips, when he slammed the buzzer again.
Bzzz!
“Someone, please remove the Starbrooke boy from the stage!”
I was embarrassed, our whole team ducking our heads as our captain was forcibly removed from the podium.
Mr Hanes grabbed Levi, pulling him off of the stage.
I expected our coach to be mad at him, but I think the teacher was more worried, a phone pressed to his ear while he forced the boy into a sitting position.
No, I don't think it's influence from alcohol, I could hear his conversation.
Levi kept trying to get up, mesmerised by the buzzer. The teacher was firm but gentle. “Hey. Sit down, all right? Keep still.” He went back to his phone call, gently prying Levi’s eyes open.
From what I can see, there's nothing wrong. He's just kind of…
Mr Hanes swiped his own hands on his jeans. ... wet?
Team Ratcliffe came over to rub it in our faces, though I was still tuned into our coach’s hissed whispering.
Water? No, I don't think it's water. It smells… no, I haven't told his parents…
“You guys did awesome!” Ponytail's voice was sugary sweet. Too sugary.
She held the 2024 trophy, bearing a satisfied smile. I noticed the Ratcliffe members were surrounding Harry, like guards.
“Better luck next time, okay?” She held out her hand, her eyes twinkling.
“No hard feelings?”
“Control your dog.” Harry said, amused eyes flicking to Levi, who was once again sprinting back to the fucking buzzer. His eyes had visibly darkened, lips curled into a triumphant smile.
Harry Cartwright was watching Mr Hanes chase our team captain like it was his own personal entertainment.
I had to look away before I died of second hand embarrassment.
“What did you put in his drink?” Tom demanded. “Weed? Edibles?” the boy attempted to shove Harry, only to be pushed back. “What the fuck did you do to him?”
Harry’s smile didn't waver. “Like I said. Control your mut.”
When the Ratcliffe team walked away, our red faced coach struggling with Levi, who was behaving progressively more erratically, informed us we were longer welcome inside the school.
Tom suggested calling an ambulance, but our coach was hesitant.
We all knew who Levi’s family were.
On the way out, Tom matched my stride. He was frowning at our team captain struggling to walk.
The way he was acting was already eyebrow raising.
But walking at an angle and being unable to stand up straight was worrying.
“I don't think they drugged his drink.” Tom muttered.
We pushed through the doors out of the school, and I revelled in the cool night air grazing my cheek. “If they did, he would be acting out of it, right? So, what's the deal with him acting like–”
“A child.” I finished for him.
“Yeah.” Tom leaned closer. “Do you think this has something to do with their turf war?”
I slapped at a bug creeping across my cheek.
Levi fell over again, this time bursting into giggles.
“Almost definitely.”
Levi was right about Ratcliffe playing dirty. I didn't realize how dirty until we were on the losers bus home. Levi was in the seat next to me, and the kid hadn't moved since we left Ratcliffe, his eyes wide, lips pulled into a dazed grin.
Bzzz!
The noise startled me from slumber. I was drooling, my head pressed against the window. Outside, the sky was pitch dark, and squinting through the glass, I couldn't get a bearing on where we were. I thought I was hearing things, but when I sat up, I heard it again.
Bzzz!
It was close.
Leaning over the boy, I glimpsed a smear of scarlet on his headrest.
I choked on my next words.
“Tom.”
Tom was in front of me, listening to music.
He didn't reply, his head of dark blonde curls nodding to the beat.
“Levi.” I managed to get out. I prodded him, and his head lolled into his shoulder. “Hey. Can you… sit up?”
Bzzz! Bzzz!
When the boy didn't move, I gently grabbed his shoulders and pulled him forward myself, something contracting in my stomach.
I don't know how long it takes for your mind to fully register something, but my body was already reacting.
Levi’s seat was infested with bugs, eating their way through the upholstery. I was aware of my body moving back. I threw up, instantly, screaming into my hand.
The back of my best friend's skull resembled a deflated soccer ball, what was left of his brain leaking from his skull where a swarm of skittering bugs chewed their way through brain tissue, metallic legs scratching the curved, pearly white of the base if his skull.
Levi’s head hung, his body flopping into mine.
But his eyes were still open, lips still stretched into a smile.
Blood ran in thick rivulets from his nose and ears.
Bzzz!
I could see them, black writhing dots alive in his eyes, wriggling movement under his skin.
“Tom!”
I jumped up, stumbling into the aisle, my stomach heaving.
And it was only when I was on my knees, swiping bile from my lips, when I realized the others weren't reacting.
Tom wasn't moving.
I pulled an Airpod out of his ear, a long, slithering string of pink attached to the end.
There was a stray bug skittering across his hand, his face starting to twitch and writhe.
Moving back, I checked myself over, my hands shaking.
Head.
Shoulders.
Hair.
Clawing through it, my breath was stuck in my throat.
Arms.
Legs.
Feet.
Mr Hanes was slumped against the window, a reddish froth bubbling from his mouth.
Sunny.
I started towards the back of the bus, but all I had to see was her bowed head, half of her skull chewed through.
Sunny was in a far more deteriorated state, her face had been ripped through, a skeletal smile glinting in the dim.
The thick black smear on the window next to her was moving.
When I screamed for the driver to stop the bus, he ignored me.
If anything, he stamped on the gas.
I moved forward to shake him, before glimpsing a bug creeping down his face.
Calling 911, the operator laughed at me.
“Bugs are eating your friends.” He said. “Do you know the penalty for calling with bullshit pranks?”
The bus didn't stop, so I stayed at the front, while the bugs took over the back, eating through my teammates.
After four hours, I risked leaning over the seat next to Tom to check on Levi.
They were eating him.
Chewing all the way through skin, muscle and bone.
I tried to stop the bus, but the driver’s hands were tightly wrapped around the wheel.
Another hour, and blood was seeping down the aisle, crawling with bugs.
Levi was gone, and in his place, a buzzing skittering pile of bugs, that I thought were going to move to a second victim, maybe burrowing into the seats.
But, no.
These things began to tremble, replicating.
Building.
Slowly, nothing became static, and static became muscle.
Then bone.
Then flesh.
When a body began to slowly form, moulded from the dead boy, I stumbled back.
These things weren't eating Levi Costella.
They were rewriting him.
…
Edit: I'm still on the bus. I'm 99.9% sure that I'm infected with whatever this thing is. I can't stop fucking itching.
I keep picking them off me but they won't stop. This bus isn't going to stop until I'm like the others.
…
Edit 2:
I can feel them chewing into my skull. They're in my ears. I keep spitting them out. Please, someone get them off of me. Help me. I don't want to die at 17.
Edit 3:
Still alive. Still breathing. Maybe they're leaving me alone????? I think I'm okay. There is a pile of bugs at my feet, but they're crawling off of me.
Edit 4:
Levi really wants to go home. Like, he just told me he REALLY wants to go home. He's got a gift for his parents.
~~Edit 5 :) ~~
Levi is next to me right now, an odd smile on his face.
The bugs are not finished building him yet, but he'll be ready soon.
We will be ready soon.
Your son says hello! He is a wonderful boy, is he not?
Mr and Mrs Costella, I cannot wait for you to meet him.
He is our greatest achievement, and rest assured, you will give us what we want.
Warm regards.
The Cartwright's.