Hello, I am Shiks. I am a Intuitive Tarot, Oracle, Rune reader. You can check more about me on my profile 😊. It's been more then 5 years since i have been reading Tarot. There are no restrictions on what i can or can't read except few!
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No topic is off topic for me until and unless your question intervenes in the privacy of someone else in a situation that dosent involve you.
I read for various topics such as

1. Spirit reading: involving loved ones, pets, etc.
2. Past lives reading: involving connections, lessons, impacts of present lives, etc.
3. Group equation: readings involving the connection of various people, including you as well. How everyone connects to each other and what is going on.
4. Ancestral reading: involves the guidence from your ancestors,guides, and angels.
5. Love readings of all types
6. Finance & career readings
7. Health reading
8. Pregnancy readings
9. This life readings

Each reading hold great details and quality with the desired to get absolute clarity to you. ✨️

• readings can take time from 24 to 36 hours. I will try my best to read for everyone as early as possible. ( it takes time)

🥠Please keep in mind my readings are for those who are ready to recieve their answers not just the answer they hope for. I don't sugarcoat anything I give you the messages how I receive them. I like to offer clear readings with additional details whenever required. 🥠
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Had a 4:15am block and wasn't given a route by 4:45 and had it confirmed I was free to go at 4:52. The 4 hour block time has come and gone and I wasn't paid. I talked to support because it's not showing anything on my end at all and support gave the typical copy and paste response of "you'll be emailed in 3-5 days with an answer"
That doesn't sound normal or right.

So I have been making my way through some Chaggie fanfics on AO3 and thought that I'd share some of my favorites so far:

1. Finding Flock. Credit: Niiwasong. This fic is a retelling of the events leading up to S1 + S1 with extra scenes + post-S1 content from Vaggie's point of view. The writing is excellent and strikes a good balance between angst and fluff, as well as length vs. detail. This is probably the fic that you should read if you are looking for some sickeningly sweet Chaggie fluff and have an hour or so to spare.
   
2. If I Fall Now, Will You Catch Me? Credit: LatteLesbian. This is a wing preening fic. Enough said.
   
3. The Holy or The Broken Hallelujah. Credit: CoveredInWrackspurts. This is the longest Chaggie-focused fic. Heavily diverges from the canon with Charlie knowing that Vaggie is a former exorcist from the get-go. Fair warning: this fic starts out fluffy but turns extremely angsty after the first act. You should definitely check out all of the tags before deciding whether this fic is for you.
   
4. offer me that deathless death (good god, let me give you my life). Credit: Rennajade. This is another canon-divergent fic where Chaggie figures out Vaggie's identity way sooner, although with considerably less angst.
   
5. Purpose Beyond the Hellfire. Credit: GryphonZed. This is a canon-compliant fic detailing the events leading up to Charlie and Vaggie opening up the Happy Hotel together.
   
6. I'm still me (why are we here). Credit: Dragondrison. Vaggie gets flung back into the past and meets Charlie under different circumstances. Angst ensues.
   

Since there's another angel that Charlie frequently gets shipped with, might as well throw these into the mix:

1. Charlie's Angels. Credit: Kkat (Kkat_FoE). This is the Charlie × Vaggie × Emily fic. You should read it, like right now.
   
2. It Hurt When She Fell From Heaven. Credit: Dignity_Pending. This is the other (likewise excellent!) Charlie × Vaggie × Emily fic. This time they go on a road trip through the Rings of Hell. Turns smutty in later chapters.
   
3. Bratty Bottom Lute. Credit: Texan_Red_Rose. This is the cursed version of the Charlie's Angels ship. Instead of Emily, Charlie and Vaggie have to deal with Lute. Fair warning: this is a smut fic with some plot. Okay, it's mostly plot but the smut is very explicit. Don't let it distract from you from the excellent characterization and worldbuilding, though.
   

Since we've mentioned both Emily and Lute, this list wouldn't be complete without these three fics:

1. Good Intentions. Credit: epheoko. This is an illustrated!!! post-S1 Emilute fic. It's rather new but the first two chapters go HARD.
   
2. Envy Not the Violent. Credit: Kayla_Burke. This is another fantastic Emilute fic. This time Lute gets flung back in time to the start of S1 and learns a couple of hard lessons along the way.
   
3. Precious Like Starlight. Credit: LavenderBunbun. This is a Charlie × Lute fic that explores what would have happened if Lute had fallen instead of Vaggie. Yes, really. But trust me, you will be sold on this ship by the end of chapter 2.
   

This list is, of course, not comprehensive in the slightest, so feel free to add your own recommendations!

We will be visiting June 22nd with 2 kids age 9. I am trying to get tickets for Full Experience Underground tickets, and I'm being realistic that most likely I will not be able to score them for our visit. My next option was FE Arena tickets, but that option is no longer available for the past 10ish days at any point of day.
So my last options are to get a new 24-hour Arena only tickets that seem to be available only a week out but don't give you an option to visit any other area of the Colo. and the last option is to purchase general admission tickets.
Here is my big question! The free kids tickets are not available to choose as an option when purchasing the tickets. The website mentions that those need to be picked up at the office. Will we need to stay in a general queue line to get the kids' tickets considering 🤔 that we already have pre-purchased adult tickets? Or is there a separate window for such pick-ups, or can we enter and kids just come along with proper ID? Or do I just purchase 4 adult tickets at €18 each (still way cheaper than any tour), and they will allow children to use adult tickets?
Did anyone with children recently (past 2 weeks) went or going to Colosseum who had the same experience? Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated!

This isn’t something I would normally post but I am hoping it’ll be cathartic for me. This might be a long one and a bit of a mess so feel free to skip if you’re not interested in the read.
I 28f up until last August I was in a relationship with who we’ll call ‘M’ 24f for almost 2 years. We met on hinge. In general I’m very shy and not very confident person, and definitely new to dating as I spent most of my teens and early 20’s in the closet due to internalized homophobia. So I don’t have much experience dating. That context is important for the story. By all accounts, M was probably out of my league, (that’s what I told myself, again I have zero self confidence ) she was attractive, smart, came from a good family and on the surface a nice girl. The beginning the relationship was fine, she was in uni for medicine and her school schedule was pretty demanding. We’d only see each other maybe one every month in the beginning of the relationship, I understood she was busy with school and honestly I was still feeling lucky that she chose me to date.
A few months go by and we still remain only seeing each other once a month because her school schedule was so demanding. This is when the red flags start to wave, her school schedule was so demanding yet she was in multiple choirs that she would sing in once a week. She made time for choir but when I asked to hang out I was made to feel like a bother. Plus she played DND with at least 2 different groups of people.
Early in the relationship we were in her car after she dropped me off I asked if we could see each other a little more and she had a strange reaction, I didn’t want to seem needy so I backed off and later apologized via text. She responded with; “sometimes I just like to be alone.” Which as an introvert; I get 100%, so I let it be. But like….we only saw each other once a month as it was…..how could you possibly be alone any more??? I was always the one to ask to hang out, always. And every time I did I would sheepishly ask if she had some free time that weekend to hang out, because I felt like such a bother to her. I’m not exaggerating when I say we would easily go 3-5 weeks without seeing each other in person. We would text every day. But seeing her in person was a luxury. But don’t worry she always had time for choir every single week. Twice a week. Or DND. But seeing her girlfriend was too much strain on her school schedule.
I was always the one to text first. Whether it was good morning, or saying good night. Later in the relationship I wouldn’t text her just to see how long it would take her to text me that day, most time it wasn’t until 3-4 pm that I heard from her.
We never had sex, we barely even kissed.(which isn’t really important to me but damn). It was so difficult to have alone time with her so there was quite literally never an opportunity for intimacy. Towards the end of our relationship we would watch the bachelorette with her mom at her place, so we never had alone time for the last 3 months of dating.
For both valentines days we were together I sent flowers and chocolate to her house. She didn’t get me anything. For my 27th birthday we went out with my friends, and a small part of me wondered if she would offer to pay for my meal. Nope. She also didn’t get me a birthday gift or even a card. Flash forward to Christmas I get her a 250$ makeup palette that she always talked about and a blanket from her favourite K-Pop band. I got an xbox gift card and a cookbook. I need to emphasize that I DO NOT CARE ABOUT presents, I just literally wanted any sort of acknowledgment that she cared about me at all. I also feel the need to point out she has money, both her parents are lawyers and they are very well off and she gets paid to go to school because her field is very specialized. I was raised by a single mother and while I have my own career now, I’m far from rich. But I always went above and beyond to make her feel special and she did the bare minimum. Sometimes not even the bare minimum. This next one really bothered me; its my 28th birthday and I hadn’t mentioned it was coming up. A sick part of me wanted to see if she would remember, I know it’s stupid to test people in a relationship but I was genuinely curious to see if she would remember. It comes the day of my birthday, and I don’t hear from her until 3:30 pm. “Happy Birthday!” That was it. I was floored. A couple days later she managed to squeeze me into her schedule and we go out for dinner. Again, didn’t pay for my meal. For her birthday we went to a nice restaurant and I paid for the entire fucking thing it was almost 150$. Don’t worry she got me an xbox gift card though……..
But the worst part, beyond not seeing each other was how she treated me and made me feel. In the beginning she was very nice and kind, but slowly I think her true colours came out. She’s very smart, but she needs to be right all the time. Like literally every single conversation she needs to come out as right. I was never allowed to have my own opinions, she would make me feel stupid and correct me every time. I’m a bit of a goof and like to be silly, but she would look at me like I was an idiot, if I did a pretend British accent she would criticize it and tell me to stop. In the end I felt like a shell of myself. I was terrified to say something stupid. She would call out every single thing I did, if I merged a lane early while driving, called out (that actually happened). If I wiped my mouth after every bite, called out. If I said something she would have to google it to prove she was right or at least prove that I was wrong.
I would participate in her family activities, like birthdays and holidays. Side note: her family is lovely. I got especially close with her mom. Her mother is a sweetheart, a lovely human being and she treated me better than her daughter ever did. Her mom and I even snap chatted every day. M wouldn’t open my snaps for days and I could see when she was online. As weird as it might seem, I would have rather hung out with her mom than her. There were a couple times when we were with her mom, that M would call me out on something trivial and even her own mother was picking up on the vibes.
I had convinced myself I really liked this person, once I told her I loved her. Why, I’ll never know. She responded with “thanks, I’m not there yet but thanks for telling me.” I was gutted. I didn’t love her. I never did. In the end I hated her.
I would lie to my friends about her and say I was happy, my mom liked her which was the worst part because it would break her heart if she knew how I was feeling and being treated. I would make it seem like I was happy and she was this lovely person, but deep down I was dying. Towards the end of our relationship I was hanging out with a good friend of mine and someone who helped me a lot through my journey of accepting my identity as a lesbian. She asked me about my relationship and how it was going, and I honestly couldn’t say anything positive. This was the first time I was honest with someone in my life about how unhappy I was and I wasn’t sure how to process it.
Eventually she broke up with me; she said she felt like she made me nervous and that I cared about her more than she cared about me. Initially it hurt, and I felt bad. But after an hour, I wanted to do a freaking backflip. I was elated to be free. For the past 2 years I had felt like less of myself than I had ever been. It was the worst 2 years mentally of my life. I had twisted myself up into this sheepish person who just felt lucky to be chosen by someone. My self worth was so low that I thought this was the relationship I deserved, that I would never find anyone else and I should just be grateful that she chose me.
As the title says I’m still trying to recover and heal. It’s been about 9 months since I last saw her and I’m working on myself. That relationship showed me how compromised my mental health was and that I need to take care of myself. I have been seeing a therapist. Now don’t get me wrong I have struggled with mental health my entire life, but those 2 years were the worst of it. I’m not dating right now because I want to focus on myself and my personal goals first.
I’m still embarrassed for how the relationship went and that I let her treat me. If anything I learned a lot from this relationship.
If you have made it this far props to you because this was kind of a hot mess and wayyy too long. But it’s been bothering me even more lately and I guess I just felt like this might help. Even if no one reads it.
She didn’t want a relationship, I don’t know what she wanted. She used school as a buffer to limit the amount she saw me. I feel bad for the next person she dates and I hope they come to their senses quicker than I did. I deleted her off everything and I hope to never see her again. In closing, I fucking hate her guts.

This isn’t something I would normally post but I am hoping it’ll be cathartic for me. This might be a long one and a bit of a mess so feel free to skip if you’re not interested in the read.
I 28f up until last August I was in a relationship with who we’ll call ‘M’ 24f for almost 2 years. We met on hinge. In general I’m very shy and not very confident person, and definitely new to dating as I spent most of my teens and early 20’s in the closet due to internalized homophobia. So I don’t have much experience dating. That context is important for the story. By all accounts, M was probably out of my league, (that’s what I told myself, again I have zero self confidence ) she was attractive, smart, came from a good family and on the surface a nice girl. The beginning the relationship was fine, she was in uni for medicine and her school schedule was pretty demanding. We’d only see each other maybe one every month in the beginning of the relationship, I understood she was busy with school and honestly I was still feeling lucky that she chose me to date.
A few months go by and we still remain only seeing each other once a month because her school schedule was so demanding. This is when the red flags start to wave, her school schedule was so demanding yet she was in multiple choirs that she would sing in once a week. She made time for choir but when I asked to hang out I was made to feel like a bother. Plus she played DND with at least 2 different groups of people.
Early in the relationship we were in her car after she dropped me off I asked if we could see each other a little more and she had a strange reaction, I didn’t want to seem needy so I backed off and later apologized via text. She responded with; “sometimes I just like to be alone.” Which as an introvert; I get 100%, so I let it be. But like….we only saw each other once a month as it was…..how could you possibly be alone any more??? I was always the one to ask to hang out, always. And every time I did I would sheepishly ask if she had some free time that weekend to hang out, because I felt like such a bother to her. I’m not exaggerating when I say we would easily go 3-5 weeks without seeing each other in person. We would text every day. But seeing her in person was a luxury. But don’t worry she always had time for choir every single week. Twice a week. Or DND. But seeing her girlfriend was too much strain on her school schedule.
I was always the one to text first. Whether it was good morning, or saying good night. Later in the relationship I wouldn’t text her just to see how long it would take her to text me that day, most time it wasn’t until 3-4 pm that I heard from her.
We never had sex, we barely even kissed.(which isn’t really important to me but damn). It was so difficult to have alone time with her so there was quite literally never an opportunity for intimacy. Towards the end of our relationship we would watch the bachelorette with her mom at her place, so we never had alone time for the last 3 months of dating.
For both valentines days we were together I sent flowers and chocolate to her house. She didn’t get me anything. For my 27th birthday we went out with my friends, and a small part of me wondered if she would offer to pay for my meal. Nope. She also didn’t get me a birthday gift or even a card. Flash forward to Christmas I get her a 250$ makeup palette that she always talked about and a blanket from her favourite K-Pop band. I got an xbox gift card and a cookbook. I need to emphasize that I DO NOT CARE ABOUT presents, I just literally wanted any sort of acknowledgment that she cared about me at all. I also feel the need to point out she has money, both her parents are lawyers and they are very well off and she gets paid to go to school because her field is very specialized. I was raised by a single mother and while I have my own career now, I’m far from rich. But I always went above and beyond to make her feel special and she did the bare minimum. Sometimes not even the bare minimum. This next one really bothered me; its my 28th birthday and I hadn’t mentioned it was coming up. A sick part of me wanted to see if she would remember, I know it’s stupid to test people in a relationship but I was genuinely curious to see if she would remember. It comes the day of my birthday, and I don’t hear from her until 3:30 pm. “Happy Birthday!” That was it. I was floored. A couple days later she managed to squeeze me into her schedule and we go out for dinner. Again, didn’t pay for my meal. For her birthday we went to a nice restaurant and I paid for the entire fucking thing it was almost 150$. Don’t worry she got me an xbox gift card though……..
But the worst part, beyond not seeing each other was how she treated me and made me feel. In the beginning she was very nice and kind, but slowly I think her true colours came out. She’s very smart, but she needs to be right all the time. Like literally every single conversation she needs to come out as right. I was never allowed to have my own opinions, she would make me feel stupid and correct me every time. I’m a bit of a goof and like to be silly, but she would look at me like I was an idiot, if I did a pretend British accent she would criticize it and tell me to stop. In the end I felt like a shell of myself. I was terrified to say something stupid. She would call out every single thing I did, if I merged a lane early while driving, called out (that actually happened). If I wiped my mouth after every bite, called out. If I said something she would have to google it to prove she was right or at least prove that I was wrong.
I would participate in her family activities, like birthdays and holidays. Side note: her family is lovely. I got especially close with her mom. Her mother is a sweetheart, a lovely human being and she treated me better than her daughter ever did. Her mom and I even snap chatted every day. M wouldn’t open my snaps for days and I could see when she was online. As weird as it might seem, I would have rather hung out with her mom than her. There were a couple times when we were with her mom, that M would call me out on something trivial and even her own mother was picking up on the vibes.
I had convinced myself I really liked this person, once I told her I loved her. Why, I’ll never know. She responded with “thanks, I’m not there yet but thanks for telling me.” I was gutted. I didn’t love her. I never did. In the end I hated her.
I would lie to my friends about her and say I was happy, my mom liked her which was the worst part because it would break her heart if she knew how I was feeling and being treated. I would make it seem like I was happy and she was this lovely person, but deep down I was dying. Towards the end of our relationship I was hanging out with a good friend of mine and someone who helped me a lot through my journey of accepting my identity as a lesbian. She asked me about my relationship and how it was going, and I honestly couldn’t say anything positive. This was the first time I was honest with someone in my life about how unhappy I was and I wasn’t sure how to process it.
Eventually she broke up with me; she said she felt like she made me nervous and that I cared about her more than she cared about me. Initially it hurt, and I felt bad. But after an hour, I wanted to do a freaking backflip. I was elated to be free. For the past 2 years I had felt like less of myself than I had ever been. It was the worst 2 years mentally of my life. I had twisted myself up into this sheepish person who just felt lucky to be chosen by someone. My self worth was so low that I thought this was the relationship I deserved, that I would never find anyone else and I should just be grateful that she chose me.
As the title says I’m still trying to recover and heal. It’s been about 9 months since I last saw her and I’m working on myself. That relationship showed me how compromised my mental health was and that I need to take care of myself. I have been seeing a therapist. Now don’t get me wrong I have struggled with mental health my entire life, but those 2 years were the worst of it. I’m not dating right now because I want to focus on myself and my personal goals first.
I still feel very embarrassed for how I let her treat me and embarrassed that I didn’t know the relationship was toxic. If anything I learned a lot from this experience.
If you have made it this far props to you because this was kind of a hot mess and wayyy too long. But it’s been bothering me even more lately and I guess I just felt like this might help. Even if no one reads it.
She didn’t want a relationship, I don’t know what she wanted. She used school as a buffer to limit the amount she saw me. I feel bad for the next person she dates and I hope they come to their senses quicker than I did. I deleted her off everything and I hope to never see her again. In closing, I fucking hate her guts.

When he is removed from people or restrained he escalates- either violently thrashing, screaming and hitting harder if his arms/legs are being held. He claims (erroneously) that he can't breath, he's bleeding etc, just over-the-top, totally incorrect claims so he can break free and do what he wants.
If he is told to leave an area he will make sure to break anything he can touch, and then use his isolation to be destructive in that space. He thinks it's all very funny and loves the attention and never feels any remorse.
He is not starved of attention at all and he loves to rough-house. When he is told that he needs to ease up for safety reasons or take a break because we have other things to do he loses his mind and usually starts hitting or breaking things.
He gets hardly any screen time, he's outside for hours everyday, he sees mom and dad and grandparents for 6-15 hours every day.
No amount of talking calmly, giving him space, or using the common de-escalation techniques I read about seems to work. He just wants to get a rise out of us, and when he pushes us past a breaking point and someone screams at him he says "good" and you just see the satisfaction on his face that he made us lose control.
These events usually happen inside, often in the evening around and after dinner, but also happen whenever. Though it's far more common in our house than any other place.
Little help here?

- May 10, 2024
Good:

• AMC Networks reported strong free cash flow growth in the first quarter of 2024.
• The company has a healthy balance sheet and has extended its debt maturities.
• AMC Networks has a diverse and exciting content slate for the year ahead, including popular shows like The Walking Dead and Orphan Black.

Bad:

• Consolidated revenue decreased 17% in the first quarter, primarily due to nonrecurring revenue from the previous year.
• Domestic operations revenue decreased 14% in the first quarter, mainly driven by a decline in content licensing revenue.
• Advertising revenue declined 13% in the first quarter due to lower ratings for acquired programming.

Ugly:

• The company did not provide specific details on the percentage of streaming subscribers that come directly through their platform versus third-party platforms.
• AMC Networks did not provide an update on the full-year outlook for affiliate trends, which previously indicated a 10% decline.
• The company did not discuss the impact of competition and market dynamics on ad-supported streaming CPMs.

Earnings Breakdown:
Financial Metrics:

• Consolidated revenue decreased 17% to $596 million in the first quarter.
• Adjusted operating income was $149 million, representing a 25% margin.
• Generated $144 million of free cash flow in the quarter.
• Domestic operations revenue decreased 14% to $524 million in the first quarter.
• Subscription revenue decreased 7% due to a 14% decline in affiliate revenue.
• Advertising revenue declined 13% due to lower ratings for acquired programming.
• Domestic operations AOI was $162 million for the quarter with a 31% margin.
• International segment revenue was $76 million, representing a decrease of 3%.
• Adjusted operating income for the International segment was $13 million with an 18% margin.
• Ended the quarter with net debt of approximately $1.7 billion and a consolidated net leverage ratio of 2.8 times.
• Approximately $775 million of total liquidity, including $600 million of cash on the balance sheet and an undrawn $175 million revolver.

Product Metrics:

• AMC Networks serves an aggregated audience of more than 91 million across its linear networks, targeted streaming services, and more than 100 channel feeds on third-party CTV and FAST platforms.
• 70% of AMC Networks' linear footprint is enabled for addressable advertising, with addressable slots in every hour of programming on each network.
• 40% of the addressable linear footprint can be bought programmatically, the largest percentage of programmatic linear inventory in the industry.
• Popular streaming brands such as Acorn TV, Shudder, ALLBLK, and HIDIVE will have ad-supported versions available on a standalone basis.
• The film Late Night with the Devil had the biggest opening weekend in IFC Films' history and became the number one film in Shudder history.
• Acorn TV unveiled a smart and expansive brand refresh and has a lineup of new seasons of shows coming.
• WE tv is focusing its original strategy on Friday nights with new series and a new season of the Love After Lockup franchise.
• AMC Networks launched new streaming offerings on ITVX, the British ad-supported streaming service operated by ITV, including AMC Stories and soon-to-launch AMC Reality.
• Strong audience performance in southern, central, and northern European divisions, with The Walking Dead: The Ones Who Live becoming the number one show in the history of AMC+ in Spain.
• AMC Networks has a strong content slate for the year ahead, including new seasons of The Walking Dead, Orphan Black: Echoes, and other popular shows.

Source: Decode Investing AI Assistant

(I understand this is a bit of a read so I included a tl:dr at the bottom)
This may end up becoming a wall of text so I apologize in advance. I'm not sure how to properly start this so I'll just jump into it. I've been living with my best friends for the past 8 years. The 4 of us moved in together in early 2016 after deciding it would be beneficial financially and because we all get along so damn well that we knew there wouldn't be any issues living under the same roof. Fast forward to today and although 2 them have moved out, I'm still living here with my one buddy and his girlfriend. Things are still great there, no signs of friendship deterioration, tolerance or anything that might cause friction between us. However, I've been witness to a few things as well as started experiencing health issues that have completely changed the outlook I had on life back when we moved in together nearly a decade ago.
A little over 3 years ago I began dealing with awful IBS issues that to this day are still not properly being treated as doctors can't figure out what's wrong with my gut. Over the past 4 months I have begun dealing with nearly debilitating anxiety that has left me pretty much unable to leave the house except for doctor's appointments or the extremely occasional outing to a family or friend's house where I'm only able to stay for about an hour before having to leave. I do see a psychologist as well as a psychiatrist and I am on medication for both the IBS and anxiety, which helps but is in no way a cure. Due to these issues, I have become a shell of the person I used to be. No longer do I wake up and just decide to take a drive to the Jersey shore, a trip to Six Flags or head into the city to catch a Phillies game. Instead, I sit in the house and play video games or watch youtube as doing almost anything else is sure to set my anxiety or IBS off which may or may not land me in the ER.
My buddy that I still live with has been through absolute hell the past few years but luckily he's the kind of person who can just raw dog life (as in, he doesn't deal with any physical or mental issues, rarely gets sick and has no trouble going anywhere, doing anything, can eat whatever he wants without issues, etc.). He lost his mom to cancer last year. She passed exactly one week after Mother's Day. She lived here with us for about the final year of her life. Me and him have been friends for a good 20+ years at this point so his mom was like a mother to me as well, especially being as I don't have a proper relationship with my own mother. Watching her suffer through years of cancer only to pass away at 54 years old was heartbreaking. At least she's finally at peace now, of course. Now, his dad is also going through cancer treatment which is a recurrence of cancer that was found years ago, which automatically makes it stage 4. His prognosis is not grim but to many of us, his dad just seems done with it all. He stays here with us on weekends and with his sister during the week. We can see how much of a toll it's all taking on him. He won't admit it but we know that he doesn't want to put his son through all of this again after losing his mom just last year. If he was given a choice to "go" right now, he would take it, 100% to alleviate any more potential suffering at his or anyone else's behalf. His (my friend's) girlfriend also deals with chronic health issues both physical and mental which has helped open his eyes to the things that other people (who can't just raw dog life) go through on a daily basis. She lost her father when she was in her early 20s so it's helpful to him that she understands what losing a parent feels like.
Watching all of this happen just makes me realize how little our health care industry and government actually seem to care about our true wishes regarding life and death. Why did his mom have to suffer all those years with a terminal diagnosis? Why does his dad have to suffer now? Just because they're both in their 50s and not elderly it seems like care is always about treatment and not giving them the option to leave this life with their dignity intact. I myself would choose to leave this world if the door was opened for me. That does not mean that I am currently having thoughts of killing myself. It means that if the option was presented to me, to go out on my own terms, I would take it. Suicide is still extremely taboo in our society for some reason. Religion and government would have you think it is a crime against humanity but what is more humane than letting someone decide on their own terms that they're ready to move on? We are given this broad illusion of choice as children that we will get to grow up to be who we want to be and if we just try hard enough, we can accomplish anything. But for the vast majority of us, that is just not true. It is an illusion. We work and work and work just to barely earn enough money to survive and many end up in unhappy marriages solely because that's what society made them think they had to do as an adult.
Watching someone you love like family suffer and die will change you. Developing health issues that flip you from being someone outgoing, spontaneous. hard working and passionate into the complete opposite of those things will change you. Discovering that our healthcare system and government will do everything it possibly can to keep you as a "functioning member of society" no matter whether you're going through cancer treatment or dealing with chronic health issues will change you.
I'm 37 years old and I've never felt older in my life than I do right now. It's been almost 3 months that I've been on FMLA from work for the second time in 3 years. I'm wearing a heart monitor because my cardiologist wants to rule out any issues as my heart racing/palpitations are most likely just due to anxiety. Medication doesn't feel like it's doing much of anything and I'm watching the people around me grow older and deal with new problems every day. Yet our society says that we must keep going, no matter if you're suffering because the gears must keep turning. If we truly have the choice to do whatever we want to do in life, why aren't we allowed the choice to leave when we are ready? Why is it taboo? People kill themselves in horrific fashion every single day, more than once every *minute* worldwide. They want a way to fix that and the solution is right there in front of them. Give people the option to leave on their own terms. I've had plenty of conversations about this with friends and family and almost every single one of us would choose to leave on our own terms, when we are ready if the option were available. Hell, even my psychologist agrees with me on this. There's always a big debate about the ethics of it all but until you witness firsthand someone suffering and dying or begin dealing with your own health issues there really isn't any way to understand it. The vast majority of people are out there just raw dogging life and thoughts like these never cross their mind even once. But once it's brought up to them, they understand and accept it, at least in my own personal experiences from talking with friends and family. Ethics, health, religion, government, society, all of these things play a role in determining our fate. I just hope that someday a program is put in place so that people no longer have to suffer.
Finishing up, I understand that my condition is nowhere near as bad as what many others may be dealing with. Some people will look at me with disdain for wanting to walk through the door at only 37 years old while others will understand exactly where I'm coming from and feel the same. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. I am appreciative of the healthcare system while also criticizing its flaws. I'm glad that religion provides so many with the means to live a happy and healthy life while also believing that many views (and laws) put forth by religious folk are vile and extremely outdated. I am glad that there are systems in place to help people in their darkest hours while also understanding completely why so many choose to leave. At 37 I still have plenty of my life left ahead of me, even if I don't want to get old. I still have things to look forward to such as video game releases or a new series to watch that keep me going. But I also acknowledge that there is a part of me that is ready to go. I have seen what life has to offer. I have lived with my family, on my own, while in a relationship and with my best friends. I do not want to get married or have kids. I do not want to work until I'm 65 (retirement age is likely to rise during my lifetime anyway). I do not want to get old and become a burden on anyone, either family/friends, healthcare workers or the average citizens who would have to pay for my social security.
Lose the illusion of choice and give people the option to go when they are ready.
If you managed to read through all of that, I just want to say thanks! Life is a beautiful thing and I am incredibly thankful for all of the amazing people I've met over the years and for the things that I've been able to do and see. This is not a post about wanting to commit suicide, it's main focus should be that we are forced into this world against our will and given the illusion of choice but when it comes down to it, we really don't have that much choice in how we live our lives and especially not when it comes to wanting it to end. Life can be incredibly fragile and many of us took that for granted until health issues decided it was time to show their ugly faces. I truly do not believe that feeling like you are ready to go should be considered taboo in any way. It should be something that everyone is provided a safe and comfortable space to discuss, whether with loved ones or medical professionals. For all of you out there just raw dogging life, I see you and I hope that someday I can get back to that, I really do miss being able to do whatever I wanted without a second thought. And of course, for anyone who knows what it feels like to be ready to go, to feel confident and comfortable with that decision, I see you as well and hope that the rest of society someday sees that as normal.
tl:dr I am 37 years old and over the past half decade I've watched family and people who were like family to me suffer and die from cancer or other health-related issues. I also deal with debilitating anxiety and IBS issues which obviously are nowhere near the level of something like cancer. However, I've discovered I have a feeling of "being ready to go" and I believe that people should be able to choose to leave this life with dignity and on their own terms without having to do something horrific. The healthcare industry, religious beliefs or government should not force us to remain here against our own free will just so we can keeps the gears of society turning. Let people leave on their own terms when they know that they are ready and get rid of the stigma surrounding talking about death.

• What is smurfing?

Smurfing is intentionally deranking to rank 15 or lower to ensure that your arena battles are 1v1s instead of 2v2s. The point is that 1v1 matches end a lot faster than 2v2 matches, allowing the smurf to initiate (and win) a lot of arena battles in rapid succession.

• Why do this?

Because the clan reward system is based on the number of wins that clan members accumulate, regardless of rank. And one of the best clan rewards is tokens, Supermech's scarce premium currency. You get 10 tokens when the clan reaches 200 wins and 50 tokens when the clan reaches 1000 wins.
The average smurf is capable of racking up wins at a rate of around 1-2 times per minute, so if you have a full 24-member clan of smurfs all collecting wins in the arena at the same time, you're looking at about 1000 to 2000 wins per hour, or around 60 to 120 tokens every single hour. This estimation is very idealistic and usually not the case because not all members of any given clan contribute, and not all of them smurf efficiently. But I will show you how you can smurf efficiently and where you can find smurf clans that'll help you generate an egregious number of tokens.

• The strategy is very simple:

All you need is two mythical Frantic Brutes and a mythical Rock Recoiler. These items are all obtainable at epic rarity, so you won't have too much trouble finding them. Frantic Brute is the highest damage dealing weapon in the game that isn't a scope, which will allow you to end battles very quickly. But that's not all.

• Bypassing the game's shitty anti-smurf mechanic:

If you look at regular smurfs in the game, you'll notice that almost all of them are using common torsos and legs, and there's a very good reason for this. You see, in order to protect lower rank players who don't have items that are as good as what a more experienced player would have, the game seems to have a process by which it averages the strength of the items you have equipped, and then matches you against a player of similar average power (correct me if you know more about this than I do). For example, if you were to make a full max mythical mech and matchmake at rank 15, you would match against a player who also has a max mythical mech. Similarly, if you had a mech with mostly epic items, you'd match against a player with mostly epic items. However, if you were using 1-3 mythical items and the rest of your items were common rarity, you'd match against someone of that average power, which is usually a mech with epic/legendary items or more likely, another smurf. It is important to mention that simply stacking common items onto your mech will only increase the average strength of your mech and won't make your battles any easier. This is why the typical smurf build is so barebones.

• Some troubles you'll face:

You'll find that with a common torso and legs, your mech becomes very weak and you probably won't be winning many games if you're on a newer account. Smurfs usually balance out the strength of their mechs with the help of arena buffs (they make a huge difference if you have them all maxed out) and modules, which as far as I can tell, do not affect the game's power detection mechanic. So having strong modules won't make your battles more difficult (but having a strong drone will, it's best not to use a drone at all). So, if you do not have strong modules, and if your arena buffs are still weak, you'll have to use torsos and legs that are slightly stronger. How much stronger depends on your mech and what you have. You will need to experiment a bit in the arena to optimize the items that make your mech as strong as possible while also making your arena battles as easy as possible. You might have to use something like a legendary torso and epic legs, which is fine as long as your battles aren't too difficult. Here are some items that might make your life easier as a smurf: The Claw or any of the monkey torsos at level 1 legendary (keeping it at level 1 is important) which offer a lot of hp, iron and platinum plating offer good bonus hp, platinum fortress which offers bonus hp and a significant increase in physical resistance (very useful for fighting other smurfs), and mighty protector which is the same as platinum fortress but without the bonus hp. Defense matrix or maximum protector are also solid options if you don't have good physical resistance modules. You can refer to the following Workshop for smurf build planning, as it allows you to see all the items currently in the game:
SuperMechs Workshop (workshop-unlimited.vercel.app)
Remember that the priority is fast wins. If you match against someone you can't beat, quit and matchmake again. If your battles are taking too long, quit and adjust your mech. And if your opponent gets salty and starts delaying the fight to waste your time, remember that smurfing requires very little attention. Make a second smurf account. While they're cussing you out on one account, you'll still be collecting wins on the other. It's very easy to make another smurf account if you utilize the level 12 and level 16 glitches shown in the following videos (credit to AEROST):
[SuperMechs] 12 level Glitch 5x Chest. (youtube.com)
New Supermechs 16 Level BUG !! 5 gift XD !! (youtube.com)

• Where can I find active smurf clans?

Well honestly, they're fucking everywhere because smurfing is the most efficient way to farm tokens. But here's a few that're the most active (that I know of):
Go to the clan search bar in the game and type these "revenge." and "Lord evolution."
This'll show you several clans, some of which are run by the same group of people. You might not be able to join some of them or might be kicked after joining others because they typically prioritize players who they know are active and have a lot of weekly wins. Your best bet will be to join one of these clans and politely ask if you could stay and farm wins with them. Most smurf clans are South American, so you'll probably have to ask in Spanish or you will be ignored. If you seem like an active player who can get them a lot of wins, they might accept and one of them might share some form of contact information with you so that you can be in on their groups and not get kicked when the clan leaders don't recognize you.
There are more smurf clans which you can find by going to the arena chat, clicking on other players in rank 15, and inspecting their clans. If you're active enough, you'll find one eventually.
If you are completely unsuccessful in joining any smurf clan, you can always clan-hop by simply searching for a clan with 170-199 wins or 900-999 wins, joining that clan, getting the rest of the wins, collecting the reward, then leaving. You can repeat this until there aren't any of them anymore or until a smurf clan allows you entry.

• Is smurfing wrong?

No. Smurfing is the only efficient way to farm tokens indefinitely. It allows the smurf to buy almost every single token offer as they come if they're active every day. This is what the Supermechs developers have intended, and this is what the player base deserves.

• But what about the new players?

New players can (without much difficulty) get past the ranks that are popular among smurfs if they understand how smurfing works, which I hope this post has helped with.

• The drawback of smurfing

It's a time sink, especially if you're in a smurf clan that demands your activity. It's also a bit boring, but I suppose the average Supermechs player is used to staleness by now. But the tokens you'll make will be worth it if you want to pull a lot of premium items very quickly.

• Some final words

I mostly made this as a middle finger to all the fedora-wearing neckbeard justice pseudo-warriors on this sub who always get hissy and pissy every time someone so much as mentions smurfing, and also because there is surprising no information on this sub (or anywhere for that matter) about smurfing in SM and how it works. Supermechs is a severely flawed game in almost every way, and that is no one's fault but the developers'. And many of this sub's semi-regulars, who are top rank players, made it to the top ranks by smurfing.
And honestly you can downvote this post to hell for all I care. Just know that so long as this post is up, if anyone goes to this subreddit's search bar and types "what is smurfing" or "how to smurf" they'll find this post eventually and they'll know all they need to know. Knowledge is found by those who seek it. And if this post becomes inaccessible, I'll find a way to immortalize it elsewhere and get it to as many SM players as possible.
If you think I made a mistake in any of the information mentioned above, or if you have any inquiries about SM and smurfing, feel free to dm me and I'll reply eventually.
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Edit: One thing I forgot to mention is that there's a glitch with the clan rewards, in that sometimes you'll be able to collect the same reward three times (i.e. your clan gets 200 wins, and the members receive 10 tokens x3). I'm not sure why this happens, but my theory is that it's because so many players are getting so many wins at the same time that three of them were able to secure a win at roughly the same time when the clan was one win away from a reward, resulting in the reward requirement being triggered three separate times.

Warning: mention of pregnancy loss and death of family members by gun violence
I, 31 female, have been together with my husband, 37 male, for 10 years and married for almost 9. We have two beautiful children, a 4 yr old son and a 2 yr old daughter and he has two other children with two other women that he doesn’t get to see and pays child support for. Before my son we had 12 losses, one of which I hemorrhaged from and then I ending up almost hemorrhaging to death after our son was born. We also had one more miscarriage after our daughter was born and I’ve since decided to not try for anymore even though this breaks my heart a little because I always wanted a bigger family.
I recently lost my mother and 10 year old niece in August after they were unalived by a family friend who also unalived himself. Less than two months later, my sister tragically passed in a car accident. To say that broke me is truly an understatement. For months all I could do was cry everyday and feel excruciating pain. My mom and sister were extremely close. We messaged and called every day, multiple times a day even though we all live within a 10 mile radius. They were there for me through everything life had to spit at us. We already have lost every female on my dad’s side of the family. My sister and I were all that was left besides our own daughters. The future feels daunting knowing that there may very well be decades with them not here with me.
It’s been many months now and I feel like I am finally starting to feel happiness and I’m just doing my best to spend as much time with my kids and remaining niece and nephew. My oldest niece is my partner in crime especially now that we are in the no mom and no sister club. She’s only in her early teens and she had also been shot but thankfully survived.
On to the issue. My husband has honestly never really put in any effort for birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc. Usually my birthday I don’t give a crap for but it’s only because in the past I’ve been disappointed because no one ever did anything for it. And I’m talking about just like a card and cake. Nothing serious. I really have dirt floor standards to be frank because I just have learned throughout life not to expect anything. That said I am the person who no matter what kind of financial situation I am in will find a way to show love and appreciation no matter the budget. I’ll make you hand made cards, I’ll personally call you on your birthday or special holidays, and I’ll make cake or cupcakes from scratch. If I have a budget I’ll plan dinner and some time to spend out. I just love making people feel happy and special. I was just raised that way.
So of course I find and marry the one person who honestly could kind of care less. I don’t think he has ever gotten or done anything for my birthday, not for Christmas. I remember he got me something for Mothers Day a few years ago…AFTER I had said something. My mom and sister on the other hand always made sure I got a card and we all had a Mothers Day dinner where we would cook and just enjoy time with our kids and ourselves.
This is my first Mothers Day without them and tomorrow and my sisters birthday without her. I had already verbally mentioned how hard it was going to be and my husband fully knew that it was going to be a hard day for me. My friends even sent him ideas for me, like just cleaning up the house and waking up to make breakfast for me. Things he’s honestly never done ever, but hey those are free things anyone could do to make someone feel special. All he said to my best friend was “lol I don’t have any money.” She got pissed. She ended up buying me flowers, a wind chime, some NA beer (I’m sober), and spent extra time with me because she knew I needed my support people on Mother’s Day. My dad also came out in support and got me more NA beer, bought me lunch, and we picked up my oldest niece and I got to spend a ton of time with her. My husband? Slept in until 10:30am. Didn’t do anything all day. I was up at 6 am with the kids and made breakfast after I realized he was still sleeping because ya know, kids can’t starve and I’m not going to wait 4 hours to have breakfast myself.
The thing is, this is just the tip of the iceberg. He can’t stay employed and oftentimes will switch jobs to avoid paying child support. Sure he’s present for the kids now, but when the going gets tough he pretty much stops putting in effort. I bet if I lived even 20 minutes away from him he wouldn’t see the kids often. He has never ever done much around the house despite me working MULTIPLE jobs at times (at one point I was working 3 and going to school). I work full time for a Fortune 500 company and he can’t even schedule a damn doctors appointment for himself. Any time I try to bring things up he’s dismissive or just denies things. And now he’s also getting more angry and aggressive because child support is being taken out again and he ended up swatting our son so hard our son doubled over…in front of my whole family! This along with Mothers Day has got me just thinking I need to divorce him. He can’t hit our kids like that period. All our son did was throw a damn smore at him! And I have multiple witnesses including my niece, grandfather, brother and SIL. I want to protect our kids. I feel like after that happened if I stay with him I am essentially condoning his behavior. I absolutely confronted him about it and he says he feels bad and should never have done it but he felt justified in that moment. I can’t trust someone like that. And it’s not the first time he’s swatted at our son but this was certainly the worst. So I am ready to leave just for that but then our son would have to be with him unsupervised.
If I am overreacting I want to know. He says I am and constantly says I am. I just need some clarity and maybe just support because if I do this, this is something that once the ball is rolling you can’t really stop it. I’m just afraid…but I think I’m more afraid of what will happen if I stay.

Taking Ortho-K out and it feels like there is something in my eye. I am a 21 year old female. I am 5’7 and I weigh 125 pounds.
I have been wearing ortho-K for 12 years and I’ve never had a problem with my contacts until this past April and it is continuing into May. In April, I had an eye infection in my right eye and my eye doctor gave me Bausch+Lomb Neomycin and Polymycin B Sulfates and Dexamethasone Ophthalmic Ointment. I placed a peppercorn sized amount of ointment in the bottom of my right eye where the eye is attached to the eyelid every night before I went to sleep for 5 days as instructed by my optometrist.
After 5 days I tried to wear my ortho-K contacts again but I kept waking up very early in the morning due to irritation and I had to take the ortho-K lens out. I called my optometrist to see what the problem was and she said to use the ointment for a few more days so I stopped the ortho-K and used the ointment again.
I went to see another optometrist who checked my eyes and she said there was nothing wrong with my eye (I assume the infection was gone at that point) and there was nothing wrong with my contact. So I started to wear my contacts again. I make sure to use eye drops in my eyes prior to putting the contact on and I drop some in the lens before I put it in my eye. Before I remove it, I drop an eye drop in my eye too and move it around to loosen it up. The same problem occurred, I had to get up very early to take my contacts off due to irritation.
I made another appointment to see a third optometrist and he did many tests and looked at my eyes and contacts and he was not able to find anything wrong either. He said that there was no eye infection and that the contact was not cracked. This was the appointment summary “Patient is having discomfort with OOK lens OD- inspected new and old lenses and no chips or cracks in the lenses. Reviewed lens care and hygiene. May have some protein in reverse curve. Will run through Progent and also gave new ClearCare case/solution. Educated that lids are tighter and may be getting a GPC reaction. Will try to resume lenses and RTC if returns.”
I went to this appointment yesterday on 5/13. I wore my contacts the same night after using Progent for 30 minutes and I left the contacts in the ClearCare solution for 12 hours prior to wear. This morning on 5/14 I did not wake up due to irritation of the contact but when I took my contact out it feels like there is something stuck in my eye (the same feeling I had when there was an infection in my eye but the optometrist said that there was nothing in my eye.
I don’t know what to do now. I have seen multiple optometrists and they were not able to find anything wrong with my eye. The optometrist I saw yesterday also said that there was nothing wrong with the fit of the ortho-K contact lens too. Is it just because my eyes are dry or is there another underlying issue. Thank you to whoever reads this and might have a solution. Please feel free to ask any questions regarding my problem so you can help me assess what’s wrong.
TLDR: I have been wearing ortho k for 12 years. This past month I have had irritation in my right eye where I am woken up from my sleep to take it out and when I take it out it feels like there is something in my eye.

Stopped listening about a year or two ago. This past week decided to give the CDS universe content another try. The youtube is still begging for donations to do stupid or nasty stuff. The shoode solos are an hour long whine and bitch. The sports show was promoted with the wrong name and couldnt find it. They finally go it right and Iistened to 3 episodes. The first one was split 50/50 live reads and content. The second he referred to JJ McCarthy as JJ Hundley and just left it in. The third he said the Patriots were powerhouses in the AFC West and didnt edit that either. Also, I’m not trying to be mean I really used to enjoy his shows, but he sounds fatter on the mic than the last time I listened over a year ago. Maybe its a speech mishap he has to correct like his tongue is loose or pressing against his teeth/lip but its prominent on the p, f, and s and sounds like someone is squeezing his mouth or its full of salvia or something. Hearing him say attempts or points is kind of gross. He said five foot eight once on the new show at the 28:00-28:10 mark and I could hear the air make his top lip fart on the mic during the f sound. Tor still sounds great though even though the last picture i saw of him posted here he looked like he put on a few. We will see if these free Friday shows are interesting with decent topics and discussion or just him bitching about everything.

I have been wearing ortho-K for 12 years and I’ve never had a problem with my contacts until this past April and it is continuing into May. In April, I had an eye infection in my right eye and my eye doctor gave me Bausch+Lomb Neomycin and Polymycin B Sulfates and Dexamethasone Ophthalmic Ointment. I placed a peppercorn sized amount of ointment in the bottom of my right eye where the eye is attached to the eyelid every night before I went to sleep for 5 days as instructed by my optometrist.
After 5 days I tried to wear my ortho-K contacts again but I kept waking up very early in the morning due to irritation and I had to take the ortho-K lens out. I called my optometrist to see what the problem was and she said to use the ointment for a few more days so I stopped the ortho-K and used the ointment again.
I went to see another optometrist who checked my eyes and she said there was nothing wrong with my eye (I assume the infection was gone at that point) and there was nothing wrong with my contact. So I started to wear my contacts again. I make sure to use eye drops in my eyes prior to putting the contact on and I drop some in the lens before I put it in my eye. Before I remove it, I drop an eye drop in my eye too and move it around to loosen it up. The same problem occurred, I had to get up very early to take my contacts off due to irritation.
I made another appointment to see a third optometrist and he did many tests and looked at my eyes and contacts and he was not able to find anything wrong either. He said that there was no eye infection and that the contact was not cracked. This was the appointment summary “Patient is having discomfort with OOK lens OD- inspected new and old lenses and no chips or cracks in the lenses. Reviewed lens care and hygiene. May have some protein in reverse curve. Will run through Progent and also gave new ClearCare case/solution. Educated that lids are tighter and may be getting a GPC reaction. Will try to resume lenses and RTC if returns.”
I went to this appointment yesterday on 5/13. I wore my contacts the same night after using Progent for 30 minutes and I left the contacts in the ClearCare solution for 12 hours prior to wear. This morning on 5/14 I did not wake up due to irritation of the contact but when I took my contact out it feels like there is something stuck in my eye (the same feeling I had when there was an infection in my eye but the optometrist said that there was nothing in my eye.
I don’t know what to do now. I have seen multiple optometrists and they were not able to find anything wrong with my eye. The optometrist I saw yesterday also said that there was nothing wrong with the fit of the ortho-K contact lens too. Is it just because my eyes are dry or is there another underlying issue. Thank you to whoever reads this and might have a solution. Please feel free to ask any questions regarding my problem so you can help me assess what’s wrong.
TLDR: I have been wearing ortho k for 12 years. This past month I have had irritation in my right eye where I am woken up from my sleep to take it out and when I take it out it feels like there is something in my eye.

Trigger warning - religious differences
I always bragged about how awesome my extended family was. NO family is perfect, but I heard horror stories and always counted my blessings that I had strong ties with my Aunt and uncles since I was raised an only child. That was until a few months ago when my last living Aunt, whom I considered a second mom, shattered me.
Ok, some backstory here. My aunt is a Jehovah’s Witness. Now before you get all judgy, I have always loved her, my uncle and her son with all of my heart. I still do. I respect that they have found faith and live by this code on the daily. I have met many people from their congregation and loved them all (ok, a couple of exceptions). I also appreciate the community they have and love they all show each other. If it weren’t for the religion itself, I would have converted.
I, however, am pagan and have always been since I was about 5 (even the first book I signed out from the school’s library was about witchcraft). Not raised that way, but always found spiritual comfort in nature and the natural world. I have a very strong connection and dedication to my Powers That Be and work every day to help the world be a better place. My Aunt did not know my religion until about 7 years ago. That being said, she and I would have very philosophical conversations when we hung out together. Even at the age of 8, I would listen to her preach to me and ask questions to which she never had answers. I remember her telling me how only 144,000 people would be allowed in heaven and didn’t I think that would be wonderful knowing that our whole family could be together again after we died. We’d all be in heaven if we were all Jehova;s witnesses. I had gone with her many times to do field service (door to door) and asked her why they do that if there’s only a certain number of people allowed. Didn’t that lessen her chances of getting in because I’m sure there were many people more deserving than myself. How did she know for sure she’d be one of the ones to get in and was that fair to keep bringing people into the religion when all the spaces were probably already filled up?
At 8 years old, I had many questions and was just trying to figure these things out. Since she was an adult, I figured she had the answers. My questions were not with malice, just for a want of better understanding. When she didn’t have the answers, I'd ask my mother and grandmother. While they were extremely amused, they said they never understood either. They never said anything bad about her or her attempts to get them to convert, just allowed me to explore religion and spirituality as I wished so I could make my own decision of what was right for me.
Once I was an adult, I avoided talking to her about religion, but found that if I didn’t ask questions and just let her talk, it made her happy. I know she’s a good person at heart and that’s all that matters. After my Mom passed, my aunt and I talked almost every week. I loved talking to her and she became even more like a mom to me. She gave me encouragement and we supported each other through health and emotional crises. I’d make it a point to try and visit at least once a year for a few days so she could visit with my daughter and I. We’d always do lunch with her friends and I loved it. I fell in love with some of the people in her congregation and wished we could live closer to hang out more. I, however, never wavered on my spiritual beliefs, but I have never cared about the religion, race, or sexuality of anyone. If we got along, we were friends and that was that.
My aunt and I had come to an understanding that I would not convert and that we would love and respect each other regardless. Religious talk was off the table for the most part until both of my uncles (my aunt’s two brothers) passed and she had a very hard time dealing with it. She was the last surviving sibling and she was sinking into a depression. I’d talk to her at length and listen to her as she mourned the fact that she would never have contact with them (and my mom) in heaven because they never converted. When she asked me what I believed, I told her that I believed that the soul lived on after the body died and that I believed in reincarnation. I explained my beliefs were closer to hindu and buddhism than christianity (so she had context). We had very long talks and she expressed that she respected my views and actually found comfort in talking with me.
That was until my daughter and I opened our store about 3 years ago. It’s a metaphysical shop and we have crystals, teas, gifts, jewelry, candles and more (about 10% strict;y pagan). My aunt was happy for us until it dawned on her that we might sell pagan stuff. I told her what we sold and she asked me if I was a witch. I replied that I suppose that was one way to describe me, but, again, I considered myself spiritual and that I followed a path closer to buddhism, hinduism, native american. I sent a couple of pictures of the jewelry that we made and she said when we came down, we should bring the jewelry making.
We did, I brought down our best crystals to wrap and bracelet materials and my daughter and I made her a necklace with a very expensive stone (A $200 piece). She brought her friends over and they picked out crystals that they wanted, made bracelets and such. We had fun and I was happy to do it, though I wasn’t expecting people that I had never met before. Still, we had fun. My daughter and I also brought her a basket with local items from our hometown, (Raw honey, handmade stoneware mugs, cutting board, herbal tea and some other items made by us as well) She was thrilled. My aunt and uncle had taken a couple of bad falls a few months before and so my daughter and I made them hand carved cedar walking sticks as well because we knew they went for regular walks and thought it would help their balance. It felt amazing to lavish expensive and heartfelt gifts on them as I has struggled so long with money. I was finally in a place that I could do it. To say the gifts probably totalled in excess of 1K is on the low side, but I was still happy to do it.
Besides the fact that they tried converting my daughter when I wasn’t around, it was a lovely visit. The only problem I had was with a new person my aunt introduced us to. This woman, we’ll call her Dee, ignored me and only talked to my daughter. She was my age if not older, but conversed with my daughter, 17, like I wasn’t there. They traded contact info and Dee insisted that they keep in touch while my daughter was in college. Dee said she was going to keep an eye on her. I thought that was odd, but I did enjoy the feeling of having an extended family sort of since I actually had no family besides my Aunt.
Let’s jump forward to the following year and we were struggling financially. Not horrible, but unable to lavish the gifts that we did the year before. Instead, I created a beautiful aromatherapy candle, some delicious herbal teas and we found a couple of very rare antique tea cups that had amazing value to them (about $100 a piece). We made a basket for her and I decided we would cook for them. (gluten free, soy free, dairy free etc). Our visit went so well, it was great to see them. We just enjoyed hanging out with them and talking. They loved the meal we made for them and the dairy free organic chocolate I made. Everything was great until the day we were leaving. Dee showed up and again ignored me, talked to my daughter and chastised her for getting a pet snake as that was an animal associated with the devil. My daughter is one to push the envelope a bit and said how she wanted to get a tattoo as well, one of a snake. Both my aunt and Dee were shocked and said she should never get a tattoo.. Again related to the devil, I went to the bathroom as I was not involved in the conversation and knew my daughter could hold her own. Little do they know that my daughter is also trans. I told her not to say anything to them just yet. I came back to them talking about how college was going and I thought my aunt and Dee would faint when she said her college roommate was male. She quickly explained that it was fine because he was gay and how awesome he was (he is btw). She quickly realized what I meant when she saw their reaction to him being gay. It wasn’t that she was living with a boy, it was that he was gay and “why did he choose to be gay.” I tried redirecting the conversation a couple of times, but they ignored me.
They finally let it go, but just after Dee left, we were getting ready to depart as well. My aunt returned the basket I made for her (minus the expensive tea cups). She said she could not accept them as they were touched by the devil. Shocked, I asked what she meant. She said that because they came from my store, they carried Satan's influence and she could not have them in our home. Truthfully, I explained that I made those items for her and that the only things that came from the store were the teacups. She was confused why I had gotten upset. When I explained that I gave her a gift and if she didn’t want it, she could regift it or throw it away. That gift came from my heart with all the love I have for her and that I didn't need to know her opinions about the gifts because It insinuated I, myself, was evil and it was extremely hurtful. She basically continued on insisting that I was just not aware of how much Satan had a hold of me. All I could do was tell her how much I loved her and leave.
I didn’t take her calls and cried about this for over a month. I finally felt strong enough to talk to her and again she insisted that because those items touched my hands, they were influenced by satan and she wished I could understand how they just can’t have that influence in their home. Frustrated, I asked how she could shop at grocery stores or buy anything from department stores because she can’t guarantee that those items didn’t touch hands that were influenced by satan. Also , I asked her how they could have eaten the food I prepared for them and why did they even invite me into their home to begin with if that’s the way she felt about me. She suddenly needed to go.
We talked a few times since then but it always came back to religion. At one point I asked her again why she would even invite us to her home if she felt that way. Her response was to save my daughter. The pain and heartache she has inflicted is immense, but I cannot bring myself to argue the point because I’m afraid if I make my point to her, it will break her. She’s in her 80’s and I believe has the beginnings of dementia. Her religion brings her comfort and I don’t want to say anything that might make her doubt her religion at her advanced age.
I’ve decided it is probably best for both of our mental health to stop all contact with her( with the exception of sending cards telling them how much I love them) even though I’ve always seen her as a second mom. AITA for making this decision and not trying to work things out with her or allow her to believe that I still might convert?
*** Please understand this is not a bash on any religion. Everyone has the right to believe in whatever religion they wish. That includes me, so if you feel the need to bash them or me for our spiritual choices, you can move along ***
I have never felt like I needed to hide any part of me from my friends, family, and the public in general. Not until now. Buckle up, this is a bumpy ride.
I've always been kind hearted, almost to a flaw. I took care of my grandmother, my step-dad, my mom and helped with a family friend during long term and terminal illnesses. I had my daughter and, without her father's help, raised her on my own with very little to no support. I helped friends with their farm who left me homeless in the end because I want interested in an extramarital affair. I lost my home and all that I loved including my husband because he lied to me and never paid it mortgage while I was recovering from an illness. In short, I have had a tough life, but it has never made me turn my back on anyone who needed help or in difficult family when they were ignored by the others. That's just some background before I tell you this situation.
Three years ago, after a bout of covid, my daughter was suicidal. She had been in the top three of her HS class and yet at that point almost failed her junior year. Not knowing if she would have the emotional strength to face college and adulting in general, I set up a plan B for her. I started a store in her name and that way she'd have something at least to fall back on if she was unable to function in the m-f 9 to 5 world. We started slow by doing craft fairs, seeking crystals, candles, jewelry, and gifts. We were kicked out of one because the person running it assumed we were witches. She was not wrong exactly as we identified as pagan, but we lived our life closest to the Buddhist and Hindu traditions, not traditional wicca. These were people who knew us for years and were considered acquaintances if not friends.
Our business flourished and we ended up opening our brick and mortar that fall after remodeling our garage/ barn and turning it into a store front. Even though I run it for my daughter, it is hers and we work together to keep it going.
In the past few years I've lost my mom, and two uncles. I have no family besides my mother's sister and her husband which we were pretty close. My aunt knew that I was pagan and had tried recruiting me into her religion since I was 5. Even at that tender age her religion never made sense and I would ask her questions to which she never had answers. I accepted her and respected her and her religion even though I didn't agree. I loved the people she introduced me to that were in her church and I always got along with them. That is until we visited the year after we started our store. My aunt was thrilled about us bringing crystals down and making jewelry with her. We met a new friend of hers (middle aged woman) who ignored me completely and oozed affection on my daughter. She got my daughter's contact info and contacted her frequently. Trying to convert and ”save” her. My daughter wasn't having it as even though she was in a delicate state, she is very level headed and strong willed.
This year we visited and we brought herbal tea, candies, and rare vintage tea cups for my aunt. The day we were leaving, she handed back everything but the vintage tea cups and told me she couldn't accept them because they were touched by Satan (aka made by my hands). To say I was devastated is an understatement. This woman was always like a second mom to me and we had grown closer after my mom passed away. It was a 20 hour drive home and I cried most of the way. I cried for weeks after a well. Thinking of it now still brings me tears. As she was telling me that Satan had a hold on me and that she was trying to save me, all I did was remind her how much I loved her and my uncle. Every time since then that we have talked, she says the same thing, but now she told me I was a lost cause. I feel like trying to stay in touch is detrimental to her mental health ( and my own). I don't want to give up or abandon the last of my family, but I can't talk to her and endure the endless insinuations that I'm evil because I don't believe in her religion. She took a bad fall and broke her arm. The last time we spoke, she talked as if it was my fault for bringing the devil into her home.
While I could usually brush this off as delusional ranting, it hits hard because the same day she fell, my dad died. I know the Powers That Be only give as much as we can handle, I just wish they didn't have so much faith in me.
They are in their 80s. I know in all the pieces of my broken heart that they'll never be able to accept my daughter and I unless we change religions and it has crossed my mind just to say we have to put her at ease, but I can't lie like that to them and we cannot betray ourselves like that either. By

Successor : u/maria90909
My journey began a few years ago when I discovered the New Thought Movement. I wasn't in a good place mentally and emotionally and searched for something that would help me make sense of my life events. I read books by Neville, Zeland, Hicks, Allen, Hill, Byrne, Scovel Shinn, Murphy, Haanel, Tolle, Despenza, Maltz, Doty, and many many others. Yep... I was a little obsessed. But, Neville's work was my favorite. It is his wisdom and insight that helped me start off a string of conscious manifestations that changed my life.
I'll never forget my first conscious manifestation. I decided to test the law and picked something small and random. I wanted a large butterfly to land on my left pinky. I visualized and did SATS for a few days then forgot about it cuz I still thought it was stupid. 4 weeks later, I am at a beach with my friends having a blast and what I am seeing? A butterfly flying in circles around me. It didn't land on my finger but it eventually landed near me. I approached it and extended my arm. Normally that would have spooked a butterfly, but this one just sat there. I asked a friend to take a photo. Then I extended my hand more and the butterfly climbed up my left little finger and sat there for a few seconds. I was in shock but kind of had to hide it because I didn't want my friend to start asking questions. I wasn't ready to explain it.
I remember driving home and thinking WHAT THE #$%^K I now have free time to enjoy my hobbies. I'm finally writing my first novel. I have had a bumpy ride with my SP because of my shaky self-esteem (well, it was shaky pre-Neville but it is much better now). Things have been improving between us. I have perfect health and am in a good mood (note, I used to get depressed here in there in the past, but then did SATS on feeling joyful and am reaping the benefits now). Like that's actually insane, now that I look back at it. I have manifested a bunch of new friends - all amazing, kind, loving, and happy people. All of these things took me 1.5 years of sats and positive self-talk.
I even caught myself thinking: what now? I feel like I have everything I've ever wanted. I saw a few other people here on this sub asking this same question -- what do I do now that I have everything I've ever wanted? Well for me... I feel it's time to just enjoy life. I do lots of arts and creative work, and that makes me super happy. The rest of my free time I dedicate to helping my family, my friends, my community. I actually dream of starting a charitable org here in my city. I feel very grateful and I feel a strong urge to give back.
Why am I sharing this blah blah with you, guys?
I simply want you to believe in yourselves. I want you to know that you are Gods. Some people are uncomfortable with this title, then just think of yourself as being in complete control of everything. That is pretty freaking empowering if you were to ask me. This community has been a major support network for me, and I want to thank you all for being awesome.
Just know that everything is possible. And, I mean everything.
Adding a photo of that butterfly right before it climbed up my pinky.
Happy Holidays!
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I recently had my first period since being gluten free. I have PCOS also. Anyways, for the first time in over a year I had a virtually painless period. This is incredible for me as I normally have breathe through the pain + pain killers every 4 hours + awake in the middle of the night type of cramps. Has anyone else had this experience? The only thing I have changed this past month or so was being GF.

If you have to work and are restricted to a routine and schedule that is not of your own and completely free desire and making...
... you are an NPC.
If life were to be interpreted by way of games which are now huge and often open world, set to become extremely interesting once VR becomes more available and refined + integrated with AI as worlds that will play as realities at times mixed within our own, the real world... the blurring will become more obvious.
The only players active in, "the" game (ours) are those unrestricted by its regulations. Those who can travel freely, spend their own time operating and fully explore this world as the adventure it is meant to be.
Anyone restricted by it is a Non Playable Character. Limited in their autonomy and thus awareness. Held to strict routines with what they consider their free time regulated to small windows through which that time is spent watching and admiring the, "players" of the game play it. Aspiring themselves to become like them, a player without the slightest comprehension of what it is truly like.
Heads down on the train, oblivious to the adventures had by the players who rush past them in fast cars in traffic, abuse the laws set to govern the NPC world, travel freely around the world and fully embrace it.
Shuffling in rush hour queues next to house keepers purchasing food to bring home and cook in order to feed the players each day so they can be free to continue their adventure.
Sitting at work generating income for the players to use whilst exploring the world.
Restricted by law enforcement, poverty and distractions as the proletariat we are the NPC's of earth.

I'm not sure if this is the single best subreddit to post this but upon google search the medications I searched for came up here a lot. Anyways, I have an almost 14 year old boston terrier. He is most definitely reactive. He has a whole host of other issues as well. He has suspected sundowners as he gets very agitated and barks in the evening, worse than the day. He also has general anxiety. He also has atypical cushings. He recently had cervical surgery for a herniated disk. That is important because he started trazadone during the pre and post surgery. Prior to his disc issues he was taking: 100mg gabapentin as needed for pain or as a sedative 0.5 mg of Xanax as needed (usually evening) 15mg Selegiline every day Mitotane one day a week for cushings melatonin and lignans every day for cushings
Pre and post surgery he was one a heck ton of pain meds and other things. They added the trazadone to keep him calm. Now that he is mostly pain free he is not on the pain meds. We brought up with primary what we can do to keep him calm since he can't have as much activity out of risk of re-injury. They suggested adding Prozac. Their current recommendation is to do: Prozac 10mg once a day Selegiline 15mg once a day Xanax 0.5 mg every 6-8 hours
They also said I could give trazodone on a situational basis. The idea of Selegilline and Prozac together is concerning? I've read that is not a good combo? But maybe it's okay? He would also continue the meds for cushings. I hear of serotonin syndrome and I don't know how common it is. I have been hesitant to start the Prozac because Trazadone has seemed to work the best but I know it may not be the best long term. BUT, he is almost 14 and he has never shown his age as much as he has the last few months. I've heard Prozac can take a long time to work and can make things worse before they get better. We've been through hell the past few months and I am scared.
Because of his reactivity and risk of injury we don't go for "normal walks". I have a treadmill that we walk on. I have a fenced in yard for going potty and roaming around. We just have to be careful for neighbor dogs making noise and or bunnies/squirrels. He can't play with most toys because he gets aggressive with them. What I have done is kongs and other puzzle toys with peanut butter and treats but he gets them all so quickly and just barks and barks. I can't give unlimited pb and treats!
Does anyone have experience with this medication combos?