Hi all, I've posted in the gradapp thread but I thought this thread might be more appropriate!
I'm planning to apply to molecular bio and molecular metabolism phd programs in the US this fall and had 2 questions.
Q1. I noticed that a lot of the schools have made GRE optional but I was wondering if I should still take it and if it would work in my favor to submit the scores anyways.
Q2. Both my degrees(bs and ms) are in nutrition, with my ms in molecular nutrition. I haven't taken a molecular bio course but I have taken gen bio/orgo/cell bio/gen chem. Someone pointed out that since I'm applying to "molecular" programs, it might be worthwhile for me to take a course in molecular bio and list it in the 'relevant courses' section of my cv. I was wondering what you guys think about this suggestion.

• For a bit of context, I have four years of full time research experience (2 from thesis master's and 2 as an RA post my graduate degree). I don't have any publications so far other than my master's thesis but I will have a manuscript submitted and in review at the very least by the time I apply from my RAship. My undergrad gpa is 3.95/4.3(graduated second in class) and master's 4.03/4.3. I plan to apply to around 20 schools from t50.

Do you think getting a good score on the GRE and taking a mol bio course will give my apps a significant boost or do you think either one won't matter much?
Thanks in advance!!

Hi all,
I’ve posted in another sub-Reddit group (Lymphoma) before but I’ll give a short back story. My dad’s (64M) going through his third relapsed DLBCL Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma treatment and has been put on a combination therapy of Bendamustine and Polatuzumab Vedotin.
Now, due to complications, he’s been given the two drugs separately (1 cycle in 2 weeks) and has currently only finished 2 cycles.
However, since things never go smooth for his treatment, he developed a Staphylococcus aureus cough infection and has been taking Levofloxacin + Linezolid for the past 10 days. His cough had gotten a bit better until today, when he’s been coughing every 10 mins, with phlegm. Moreover, we are so scared for him because he’s been having very low blood cell counts:
Platelets: 20,000-30,000/cu mm Hemoglobin: 7.6 gm/dL Lymphocytes: 6% Neutrophils: 90% T3: 61 ng/dL TSH: 8.50 uIU/mL Creatinine: 2.1 mg/dL
Overall, he is in a very frail and low energy state. His oncologist has postponed his chemo because of his weak state and kidney issues. He said he might do a platelet infusion if the counts go below 20,000. My dad’s also been taking Eltrombopag for platelet production, among other million medications.
We are just very frustrated and scared for my dad. Some days it feels like he is getting better and the other days, my heart wrenches to see him get worse. I don’t wanna lose him. Please someone help or give any advice on what this condition could be 😭😭
He is also not a candidate for Bone marrow transplant because of his general weak health condition and his age.
His platelets just won’t go up and it’s been 5 days that they just won’t deviate beyond this range.
Please let me know if someone else had the same experience!!

Hi all,
I’ve posted in another sub-Reddit group (Lymphoma) before but I’ll give a short back story. My dad’s (64M) going through his third relapsed DLBCL Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma treatment and has been put on a combination therapy of Bendamustine and Polatuzumab Vedotin.
Now, due to complications, he’s been given the two drugs separately (1 cycle in 2 weeks) and has currently only finished 2 cycles.
However, since things never go smooth for his treatment, he developed a Staphylococcus aureus cough infection and has been taking Levofloxacin + Linezolid for the past 10 days. His cough had gotten a bit better until today, when he’s been coughing every 10 mins, with phlegm. Moreover, we are so scared for him because he’s been having very low blood cell counts:
Platelets: 20,000-30,000/cu mm Hemoglobin: 7.6 gm/dL Lymphocytes: 6% Neutrophils: 90% T3: 61 ng/dL TSH: 8.50 uIU/mL Creatinine: 2.1 mg/dL
Overall, he is in a very frail and low energy state. His oncologist has postponed his chemo because of his weak state and kidney issues. He said he might do a platelet infusion if the counts go below 20,000. My dad’s also been taking Eltrombopag for platelet production, among other million medications.
We are just very frustrated and scared for my dad. Some days it feels like he is getting better and the other days, my heart wrenches to see him get worse. I don’t wanna lose him. Please someone help or give any advice on what this condition could be 😭😭

I originally wrote this out in this BPT thread on JK rowling comparing being transgender to being transracial, but the thread got locked to country club only as I was writing. I thought I'd post it here.
I had a philosophy class where this was a prompt for a paper - basically analyzing the philosophical differences between transracialism and transgenderism. This was back in like 2017. (One of several prompts, I didn't write on it)
Rachel Dolezal was the required reading / case study for transracialism. It generated a lot of pretty interesting discussion. Reading the wikipedia on her now though is kinda crazy, it seems like a lot of weird stuff came out on her in the last 7 years.
I reviewed a few papers on it and we went over some others in class, I can't remember it all but from what I remember most of the arguments were along the lines of this ask social science post which essentially argues that race is something external defined by how others interact with you, while gender is something internal defined by how you see yourself.
That said... I've always felt like that answer was a bit too clean cut. There's obviously an external aspect to gender as well, people treat and see you differently based on your gender, and there are a lot of societal expectations placed on you based on your gender. For someone like Rowling I can kinda see why she would identify with this, with her womanhood largely coming in as an external thing that people bring in to analyze her writing. Also when she wrote her first book she was a divorced broke single mom, which I'm sure is a very external way to experience womahood.
Maybe we should have two different words for the internal experience and the external experience of belonging to a group?
I think Rowling is clearly way too reductive the other direction though - none of the trans women I know are just 'well I like long hair and taylor swift so I guess I'm a girl'. The internal experience of feeling a certain gender is certainly a lot deeper than that.

Symptoms of Chest Wall Cancer

The symptoms of chest wall cancer can vary depending on the type and stage of the tumor but generally include:

1. Pain: Persistent pain in the chest area that may worsen with movement or breathing.
2. Swelling or Lump: Noticeable mass or swelling in the chest wall.
3. Breathing Difficulties: Shortness of breath or difficulty breathing.
4. Chest Discomfort: General discomfort or tightness in the chest.
5. Weight Loss: Unintended weight loss.
6. Fatigue: Persistent tiredness or fatigue.
7. Neurological Symptoms: If the tumor presses on nerves, it can cause numbness, tingling, or weakness in the arms or legs.

Diagnosis of Chest Wall Cancer

Diagnosis involves several steps and tests to confirm the presence of cancer and its extent:

1. Physical Examination: Initial assessment by a healthcare provider, including a review of medical history and symptoms.
2. Imaging Studies:

• X-rays: Basic imaging to identify abnormalities in the chest wall.
• CT Scan (Computed Tomography): Detailed cross-sectional images to evaluate the size and spread of the tumor.
• MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging): High-resolution images for detailed view, particularly of soft tissues.
• PET Scan (Positron Emission Tomography): Detects metabolic activity of cancer cells to determine the extent of spread.

1. Biopsy:

• Needle Biopsy: A sample of the tumor tissue is taken using a needle for microscopic examination.
• Surgical Biopsy: Sometimes, a surgical procedure is necessary to obtain a tissue sample.

1. Blood Tests: To assess overall health and detect markers that might suggest cancer.

Treatment of Chest Wall Cancer

Treatment options depend on the type, size, location, and stage of the tumor, as well as the patient’s overall health:

1. Surgery:

• Resection: Removal of the tumor and some surrounding healthy tissue.
• Reconstructive Surgery: May be necessary to rebuild the chest wall using synthetic materials or tissue from other parts of the body.

1. Radiation Therapy: High-energy rays to kill cancer cells or shrink tumors. Often used before surgery (neoadjuvant) to reduce tumor size or after surgery (adjuvant) to destroy remaining cancer cells.
2. Chemotherapy: Drugs that kill cancer cells or stop them from growing. It can be systemic (throughout the body) or localized.
3. Targeted Therapy: Uses drugs or other substances to specifically target cancer cells without affecting normal cells.
4. Immunotherapy: Boosts the body's immune system to fight cancer.
5. Pain Management and Palliative Care: Focuses on relieving symptoms and improving quality of life for patients with advanced cancer.

Conclusion

Early detection and treatment are crucial for improving the prognosis of chest wall cancer. If you experience any persistent symptoms such as chest pain, swelling, or difficulty breathing, consult a healthcare provider promptly. Multidisciplinary approaches combining surgery, radiation, and systemic therapies offer the best outcomes, tailored to the individual needs of the patient.
Blaze0 notes Symptoms of Chest Wall Cancer
The symptoms of chest wall cancer can vary depending on the type and stage of the tumor but generally include:

1. Pain: Persistent pain in the chest area that may worsen with movement or breathing.
2. Swelling or Lump: Noticeable mass or swelling in the chest wall.
3. Breathing Difficulties: Shortness of breath or difficulty breathing.
4. Chest Discomfort: General discomfort or tightness in the chest.
5. Weight Loss: Unintended weight loss.
6. Fatigue: Persistent tiredness or fatigue.
7. Neurological Symptoms: If the tumor presses on nerves, it can cause numbness, tingling, or weakness in the arms or legs.

Diagnosis of Chest Wall Cancer

Diagnosis involves several steps and tests to confirm the presence of cancer and its extent:

1. Physical Examination: Initial assessment by a healthcare provider, including a review of medical history and symptoms.
2. Imaging Studies:

• X-rays: Basic imaging to identify abnormalities in the chest wall.
• CT Scan (Computed Tomography): Detailed cross-sectional images to evaluate the size and spread of the tumor.
• MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging): High-resolution images for detailed view, particularly of soft tissues.
• PET Scan (Positron Emission Tomography): Detects metabolic activity of cancer cells to determine the extent of spread.

1. Biopsy:

• Needle Biopsy: A sample of the tumor tissue is taken using a needle for microscopic examination.
• Surgical Biopsy: Sometimes, a surgical procedure is necessary to obtain a tissue sample.

1. Blood Tests: To assess overall health and detect markers that might suggest cancer.

Treatment of Chest Wall Cancer

Treatment options depend on the type, size, location, and stage of the tumor, as well as the patient’s overall health:

1. Surgery:

• Resection: Removal of the tumor and some surrounding healthy tissue.
• Reconstructive Surgery: May be necessary to rebuild the chest wall using synthetic materials or tissue from other parts of the body.

1. Radiation Therapy: High-energy rays to kill cancer cells or shrink tumors. Often used before surgery (neoadjuvant) to reduce tumor size or after surgery (adjuvant) to destroy remaining cancer cells.
2. Chemotherapy: Drugs that kill cancer cells or stop them from growing. It can be systemic (throughout the body) or localized.
3. Targeted Therapy: Uses drugs or other substances to specifically target cancer cells without affecting normal cells.
4. Immunotherapy: Boosts the body's immune system to fight cancer.
5. Pain Management and Palliative Care: Focuses on relieving symptoms and improving quality of life for patients with advanced cancer.

Conclusion

Early detection and treatment are crucial for improving the prognosis of chest wall cancer. If you experience any persistent symptoms such as chest pain, swelling, or difficulty breathing, consult a healthcare provider promptly. Multidisciplinary approaches combining surgery, radiation, and systemic therapies offer the best outcomes, tailored to the individual needs of the patient.

I don't really no where to start. I feel I've lost myself, consumed with anxiety and guilt and fear and regret and I fear, this new fear, that it's going to be the end of me if I don't start to get it out in some way, shape or form.
I guess I'll begin at the beginning...
​
I had a difficult childhood with fairly neglectful parents. A mother who openly expressed she never felt she really stepped into her mom shoes until she gave birth to my younger sister, who is three years younger than me. She is my only sibling. My mother told me when I was a kid that she "had to love me", but when my sister came around "she was finally a mother and over the moon", or simply "I always always wanted a girl". I'm not sure if this could be attributed to Post-partum depression, not that she ever researched that or was daignosed with it. That's probably just me trying to pardon my mother or something to the effect. She was 17 when she had me and I'm sure times were different then, my parents both were raised religious, father christian, mother mormon. Maybe their guilt. I ask myself why they brought me into this world if I wasn't wanted to begin with. Or, give me up for adoption to a set of guardians that would have loved me better. I know I was an accident and that's not what gets me down, I get that life be lifing and what happened happened. My difficulties stem from the feeling that my presence never gave my mother any sense of purpose, responsibility or love, or concern. She was emotionally unavailable to me virtually my entire life and I feel like that caused many issues later in my life and how I perceive myself and what I deserve. Coupled with the fact that my neglect met such extremes that I am frankly shocked that I was never picked up by child care services, maybe things were different in the 90's. I'm not sure, I was just a child then.
Much of my upbringing I didn't receive a lot of the things most people would consider essential. As a baby my crib was the sock drawer, then I grew large enough to have a closet, then slept on the floor of a walk-in closet, then I had a single bed from what I recall for maybe a year or maybe two years and I remember feeling metal springs poke me in the my ribs and I recall it being uncomfortable enough for me to move back to sleeping on the floor next to the ratty old used mattress my father found from who knows where. I remember feeling like I had to keep that secret, that the mattress they gave me was uncomfortable enough for me to sneak sleeping on the floor next to it. I think I was really afraid as coming across as ungrateful. My father came from a third world country, so the "gratefullness issue" was address frequently by my mom because "I don't have it even half as bad as what my father had to endure. And she was probably right. But it just silenced me ultimately, didn't put things into a mature context for me. I just learned that I can't complain about anything ever. Anyway, that trend didn't really change when I grew older. grade 9-10 I was sleeping on the living room couch so my sister could have privacy and a bedroom to exist in for herself - which I realize is important for an individual so I encouraged her to have the bedroom. Although I figured my parents expected me to do this for my sister regardless. I was okay with making sacrfices for those I love, it was instilled in me from a very very young age.
I do feel like my father took advantage of me in the form of labour as well, having to do custodial work with my father from 10pm to 3am, at two highschools I believe he was contracted, at that young age I honestly enjoyed just spending time with my father I think, working alongside him. When I was in grade 2 and 3 I had garbage bag duty for all the students bathrooms, and I remember loving snapping the bags open by rushing air into the bag and making it blow up like a baloon. I remember the scary unlit shadowy hallways that I couldn't perceive the ends of. No bodies to see, it felt eerie but exciting in a way - like it was a whole different world.
School was a different experience for me. It was very stressful, my parents had to move a few times a year because they would dodge rent or just generally be selfish with their dual income. They loved to party hard on the weekends. I remember wondering why my father did this to himself all the time. Hoping that we could spend quality time on a saturday, but he wouldnt get out of bed until just before dinner. I didn't really understand hangovers or alcoholism and how it meant our plans would get cancelled. I think I remember trying to wrap my head around willful self-poisoning for entertainment and how could that be more enjoyable then spending time with your son? I couldn't tell my mother why I was so sad about it. Why I didn't want to move again and again and again. Why I found it so difficult to make new friends everytime I had to switch schools. Why I couldn't just do one single full school year with one class of students. It was so hard and at the time, I didn't know anything different. It was so hard to make friends and I think it created this approach to making a "new family" of friends when I became a teenager and young adult.
​
I remember always wanting to be a "good kid". The "best kid" for my parents. I feel like my parents attached this moniker to me that made things harder for me to mature into a rounded adult later in life. My parents always flaunted me as this point of accomplishment, the accomplishment that I was "so extremely well behaved". I would strive to be super polite, and a good host, try to help out when my parents had their friends over, literally fill their cups when the opportunity presented themselves. I think I did this because I must have made the conclusion that if I was quiet, super polite, helpful and useful then I had value. That I could be loved. That I could earn this love from my parents through acts of service.
I remember feeling like my sister and I had extremely different experiences growing up. When my parents were at work I took care of her, cleaned and cooked. one time my sister told my mom to eff off when she was 5 and I was 8. My mind was blown. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she had the bravery and courage to defy my mother. Looking back, my sister was just mirroring the language she learned from my parents from whenever they fought. I remembering seriously worrying and getting scared that my father was going to belt her, or use the coat hanger, which was his preference with me. I feel like my mom was always checked out and I'm hurt that she allowed my father to take his rage out on me. That my mom could care less about me being beat, but never my sibling. It was very confusing and difficult for me to process. Not that I really processed it much as a kid. I honestly just wanted to be loved and be the best child possible. Honestly though, 'm seriously so glad that my sister was spared all of that complete non-sense. I don't wish that on anyone in the world. There were some punishments where he would walk in and tell me to pull my pants down without explanation. I have memories of tearing up and saying I didn't know why this was happening, asking what I did wrong and he would just remind me that if I resisted then I would get it worse and to hurry up and get ready. My father has since apologized. I think it is how he was raised. I didn't know what to say in response, but I told him I loved him and it's in the past. But I don't know if I was being honest when I said that. My mother would still gaslight me to this day if any of this became topic of discussion, not that I'm guessing. A year ago she told me that much of my pained memories were false and this never happened. My father on the other hand typically stays pensive and unchallenging.
It seems so damned crazy writing all of this out, it feels like a heartbreaking novel and not my life at all. But it was and is my life. I have difficulties opening up and expressing my feelings and advocating for myself when the moments are true and appropriate to do so. I know it's the healthier way to communicate, but I was literally taught to stay quiet and be useful. Fast forward 20-25 years and I'm going to be 35 and I feel like just ending it all. Every year my birthday passes and I'll get a text from my family happy birthday. But they know I'm in a difficult place, they know I miss them, they know I love them and forgive them, I try the high road whenever I can but I just don't see the point anymore. they won't celebrate my life and existence, but they'll throw family gatherings for each other, birthdays, christmas, fathers day and mothers day.
On that note, another mother's day has recently passed and my mother never invited me over, I texted my father three weeks in advance in hopes of securing a time to come over and celebrate my mothers life with my family as a family. I felt particularly stung this mother's day when they celebrated and didn't text or call to invite me over. I live in the same small town so it's easy to hop over. I literally live three blocks away.
Anyway, my mother was diagnosed with cancer over christmas this year and I have been worrying for my mother ever since and thinking about my life with her and the mortal coil and the finite mount of time I may have with her. I feel like there is a large empty part in my heart that wishes my mother and I could go grab a coffee together. She can show me her ipad app art that she has been really excited about for a couple years now. She loves showing off her digital art and I love seeing her joy and how proud she is about her art. I just don't know why she couldn't feel the same for me, her only son. Maybe I'm just a her dissapointment.
I dropped out of highschool and left the family home when I was 16. I just couldn't work for my dad during the night AND go to highschool AND socialize. Something had to give. Unfortunately it was highschool and my parents didn't really care about that at all. They were just... fine with it. they supported my sister through college and she was fortunately able to graduate with a veterinary degree of sorts. she still lives with them now as she pays off her student debt, but I left and travelled and worked on music for over a decade so I admit that I was entirely out of the family picture for some time. But as I get older, not wanting to repeat the mistakes of my parents I fear that that is precisely what's been creeping up in my life.
five years ago I met the absolute most wonderful human being and I am so lucky to have my partner in my life. She and I are engaged now and set to be married. I hoped that the news would overwhelm my parents with excitement and joy. Maybe a facebook post about their son, share some family pictures or something. But they did nothing at all. I think they showed off pictures of the trip to Mexico that week instead.
I just don't really understand how I'm this unworthy of their love and unfortunately now I'm realizing that illusion that I am unworthy has infected my relationship with my fiance. I love her so much but when I can't fix everything in her life I feel like I am the failure and the guilt overhelms me so much and the guilt is such a strong motivator for me, and it usually motivates me into becoming the biggest doormat in the world. I've never worked harder for a relationship or invested this much energy. I feel she deserves it. But I don't advocate for myself. So I build up resentment. Like I clean the house constantly and work and help bail out of her bad spending habits and cover her rent without question and this and that. To be clear, she doesn't take advantage of me and that's not how I feel about it. But I do let this annoyance build up inside of me because I don't know how to communicate my feelings in a healthy way. I'm scared I'll lose the person if I speak up, or I'll be gaslit. Again, that's not my partner that gaslights. That's just generally how I feel I'll be treated if I open up with people. It all goes back to my childhood. It's affected every friendship and work relationship I've had since.
When I was 20-ish, 15 years years ago I did the classic, "seek the relationship that most comfortably fits into the patterns you experienced with your parents". And so I trapped myself in a horrific and extremely damaging relationship with a girl I'll call K. She has undiagnosed bipolaBPD, she would never seek help but self-medicate. She ended up in the hospital maybe four times for self-harming and this where she was considered to have these diseases by a few doctors on different occasions. Anway, it turned into a relationship of abuse and it wasn't exactly new territory for me. I was ashamed in that 8 year relationship. I wanted out so bad, but she would threaten to unalive everytime I tried to get away. Of course, some weeks would go by and i would get my hair pulled out of my scalp, a knife waving in the air in front of my face, spat in the face, kicked, punched, bit, a pot of freshly boiled ramen soup thrown in my face and eyes. What's worse is that I seeked police intervention on multiple occasions. Every single time the police visited, they talked me out of pressing charges, asking me " well if she doesn't have any place to go, then do you have a place you can stay at, or the shelter?". twice they talked me out of a restraining order, that legal proceedings would take forever. Adn de-escalting me from wanting to take measures to ensure my safety because she may end up on the street as a result. To this day, I absolutely wish I advocated for myself here and pushed for a restraining order. I'm so mad at myself for not doing so.
Unfortunately, fast forward a couple years into that relationship and one evening everything would finally hit the fan. I told her to never touch me again and I absolutely meant it. she had just yanked out the largest chunk of my hair to date, to the point where my scalp was bleeding and I could even see epidermal matter still attached to the folicle ends that were in her clenched fingers. My head bled a bit and I pushed her off of me. Telling her that I needed to leave, that I was walking to my secure jam space just a 10 minute walk away. It had a leather couch in a cold concrete basement, but hey at least I would be safe for the night and I could play my drums and try and blow off this anxiety and fear in a way that was safe albeit very noisy.
She hated that I wanted to leave and convinced herself I would never return. To be fair, that was the energy I had. I never wanted to see her face again and have her name on my lips after that night. So her tactic was simple, to threaten me with calling the cops and tell them that I violently pushed her. I called her bluff and said "go ahead and I will just tell them everything you've done - yet again. All I am doing is going to the space to sleep, I said, maybe play drums." She called the cops and told them she was pushed into a wall, and she felt very unsafe. Which yes, I did push her off me when she attacked me. In the past, I tried various tactics, to run away didn't work, she just always chased me down. Or sometimes I would just sit there while she was violent against me and I just "dissapeared" kind of like how I would when my dad used his coat hanger. This time, I just pushed her off of me, I was done with the relationship at that point and we both knew it. Anyway, she called the police, they arrived and when questioned I told them that I pushed her off of me in self-defence. I was drinking that night and it didn't help my case as I was arrested without question that evening and I was charged on the spot without question with domestic assault. It devasted me. I asked the police how this could happen lawfully. That she is an abuser and there is a history of this multiple times. That I've requested a restraining order. They explained that in quebec the laws are a little different and in the case domestic cases, if there is a male aggressor against a female, then the male is automatically charged to the fullest extent. I was absolutelyu devasted by this. I can't tell you the amount of fear and anger I felt in that jail cell that night.
I feel so incredibly betrayed by the justice system, keep in mind, this is law that from what I understand is only in Quebec, I was there for music at the time with an old friend whom I am no longer in contact with. I don't think the rest of the country operates under law in this way. Now I appreciate that they are vigilant about woman abuse victims, but the law shouldn't be this absurdly biased. It just doesnt feel just and fair to me. Covert abusers shouldn't be able to take advantage of the justice system in this way, but it happens.
It was an awful experience, I was homeless for a couple months afterward, not allowed to retrieve my belongings, so I lost all of my life "crap" that I had built up, years of hardwork and investment. I mention this because I realize later in life that I have intense collecting behaviour. maybe as a self-soothing behaviour. But I love building up collections of my hobby stuff as I have many and I feel they keep me regulated and it's a form of therapy for me. In any case, I lost everything when I left that whole situation. It sucks, although ultimately it's clearly best that I got out of that dreadful circumstance. I flew across the country to my hometown and to be closer to my family and old friends from highschool. It's quite a small town mind you.
Unfortunately, my classic tendency to hide and not advocate for myself created an opportunity for my abusive ex. A year following those events, despite me assuring her that I had to block her because I flew away to start a new life provinces away. That I wished her the best. That I even promised I would never tell a soul what she did to me. Not to mention that unfortunately we live in a society where nobody really has an ounce of sympathy for a male abuse victim. I had every intention to keep that promise, but she couldn't trust me ultimately. I think her logic was maybe to just beat her ex to "the punch". Kill or be killed or something like that. I don't live my life like that so I don't really know what her plan was. But she made a bunch of posts on various social media platforms for all of our mutual friends, music friends, coworkers etc. that the relationship was over and she was free. That she got out of a cycle of abuse and she was ready to start a new chapter of her life. She never used my name, just that she was glad she got away from her toxic and abusive ex once and for all.
It was exactly like that night a year prior, she threatened me with this outcome she could design for me, and I called her on her bluff by saying I was still going to block her and I can't control what she does with her life or how she conducts herself, but that I was out and to never contact me ever again. She made me regret that decision.
The posts she made that day got so many likes and support from so many of our mutual friends, even musician mates that were closer to me than her, and it absolutely destroyed me, not just internally but socially. I no longer make music anymore and it hurts to go outside into the world because it feels like everybody sees me as this monster. And still I don't have a voice to inform anyone otherwise - except my family and my fiance. I have no friends anymore. They all left my life with the belief that I did all of these horrible and awful things.
I just don't trust people anymore as a result and it's just caused me to become extremely bitter and depressed. I ruminate on the past, maybe in attempts to fix the past so I can move on. So I could do better, so I don't have to punish myself for my mistakes in the past. But it just reopens every emotional wound I have and they never get a chance to heal. That was maybe 7 years ago now and I'm still replaying these events in my head every single morning for about 1 - 2 hrs. Then I go completely numb for the majority of the rest of the day, shallow breathing, and the mildest sadness that mascarades as fatigue and disinterest.
There are some days where I seriously fear for the future and I just feel like every cruel soul will inherit this earth and that's the future, they built this world of suffering and they deserve to inherit it. Their toxic flag staked so deep into the earth in reclamation. The future isn't holding any seats for people like us. I'm so heartbroken and defeated. I feel like white-wolfing my fiance because she deserves better than this traumatized person that hides from the world. I feel like giving her my collection of collections so she can sell it all off and pay off her 10k of credit debt, then with this act of kindness I can go out not feeling like a guilt-ridden defeated loser. And leave on a high note.
When I'm alone, I get trapped in these ruminating cycles and it's the angriest I ever get. It's reached the point where I feel like I am actually reliving all this past trauma every morning and I can't do it anymore. I just feel like I am so at the end of whatever this ride was.
I don't have any friends anymore and everyone but my fiance thinks I am a monster and it's just unbearable.
I just don't even know. I am even afraid that someone will read this post and suss through all of this and make the connection. Then I'll get another new email or random throwaway account with an insta message that says "I told you you would never be able to get over me. You can move on, but you will never be able to erase the past. Never truly. You know where to find me."
It's haunting and it's poisonous. I just feel haunted and poisoned and I don't know if there is a snake oil potent enough or antitode true enough to get me back to the generous, lighthearted, energetic kid I once was.
To whoever was willing to read through all of this, thank you for hearing me out. I don't know what advice I am even asking for here. I'm hoping just speaking this out into the world in some way can alleviate this misery. I don't know.

Where I live will never have cellular service. I was given an AirSense 10 for my trial and it has a card in it ‘just in case’ it doesn’t send data - and of course it doesn’t. They’re getting me to mail the card or drop it off if I am near the clinic (2 hours away)
I set up the MyAir app the day I got it, and of course it has been useless because none of the data uploads. I check the readings in the morning but can’t see any day to day data or anything.
This week we travelled and went to a hotel, as soon as it was plugged in it got onto the cell service and MyAir updated with 2 weeks of data. Now I see what I am missing and I am annoyed that I am missing out on all of this.
I will have this machine for 5 years, and everything else is going well. Will I care about the data and app anymore once I am used to it? Is it worthwhile to request a different machine - the AirSense 11 has Bluetooth - does this mean it can update directly to my phone? My phone is right beside the CPAP on my table at night.
CPAP therapy is just a piece of the puzzle for me right now. I am on medical leave for exhaustion, insomnia and related issues. I am seeing a family doctor and therapist. The respiratory doctor who prescribed the machine will likely look over my data in the next couple weeks and not see me again for 5 years. It took two years to get my appointment and CPAP. So to me, knowing what is going on with my own body is important. Nobody but me will be looking over it unless I have a problem and ask them to.
Is having the MyAir functionality worth asking to exchange/replace the trial machine with an 11? The other thing bothering me is my first trial Machine was a 10 for her, and this one is just the black one. It is my understanding the 11 includes the ‘for her’ algorithm.
I feel like the users here seem to know more than the office providing me with the machine. They didn’t know if the ‘for Her’ was necessary/better or if another machine can work without cell service. But I don’t want to have something for 5 years if it doesn’t meet my needs now.

I'm 33 years young and have periodontal disease and I need a deep cleaning, possible gum graft as I have deep pockets, one cavity filled, one root canal, a crown for said root canal and one implant. It's a lot, I know. If I could go back in time I would. But I can't so I'm currently trying to budget and figure out the best course of action moving forward.
I've been doing extensive research on different PPO dental insurances and I'm struck by how low the yearly maximums are along with the wait times needed for different procedures. The best I saw was $2000 for DeltaDental, Anthem, and MetLife. After doing a deep dive of reviews for these individual providers it seems like customers and dentist have terrible experiences getting anything covered.
I have some cash set aside and I'm wondering if it would be more worth it to pay out of pocket directly?
Alternative options are Mexico and Columbia Dental School. Mexico seems like the cheaper route but risky. As for a dental school... Well I went to Cosmetology school and definitely fucked up people's hair as a student. Lucky for them hair grows back. I'm not so sure I'm trying to have a student learn on my teeth as I've learned they really don't grow back.
Hoping to get any sound advice. Bonus points if you're in the NYC area and have a practice you'd suggest! Thank you everyone.

The global Stem Cell Therapy Market is expected to reach USD 3,693.6 Million by 2027, according to a new report by Emergen Research. The stem cell therapy market is experiencing increased demand due to the rise in the number of clinical trials all over the world. Stem cells are applicable to the development of regenerative medicine, commonly used in the field of dermatology. However, the demand for stem cell applications in the oncology segment will witness the highest growth due to several pipeline projects present for the treatment of cancer or tumors.
Stem cell therapy holds incredible promise for treating a wide range of diseases and injuries. From regenerating damaged tissues to potentially curing conditions like Parkinson's disease, diabetes, and spinal cord injuries, the potential impact is immense.
One of the most exciting aspects is its versatility. Stem cells can differentiate into various cell types, making them incredibly adaptable for different treatment needs. This adaptability opens doors for personalized medicine, tailoring treatments to individual patients for optimal results.
https://www.biospace.com/article/stem-cell-therapy-market-size-to-reach-usd-3-693-6-million-in-2027-industry-trend-increasing-funding-for-research-by-many-public-and-private-organizations/

What a horrific saga of a home sale. We decided to leave the US for my home country, we lived in an area with high home values but limited appeal. No phone, TV, cell or terrestrial internet service, but near some of the best skiing and hiking in the world. Mid 20222 We found a cash buyer from word of mouth who was also a general contractor. There were some legally required updates to the property necessary for a title transfer. The buyecontractor agreed to do the work at a heavily discounted rate worked into the purchase price. What should have taken 2 months dragged out to 8 months past the expiry of the contract. When we'd spent over $20,000 excluding equity, we demanded a renegotiation. Our realtor friend also stepped in saying that we were way under market value, pressuring us to list it on the market. This all triggered a legal battle that never went to court, however it was discovered that our contract was negligently deficient, and the attorney who drafted it as a neutral party is now threatening to sue us for breaching said contract on behalf of the buyer, we put the property on the market as we are now out of contract and clearly not going to proceed (mistake), receive a few offers and then when we managed to find our own attorney who would take the case, we were informed that it needed to come off the market immediately as our failure to act at the end of the contract expiry looked bad on our part and could be construed as a tacit extension of the contract. A nasty battle of lawyer's letters ensued resulting in the buyer's lawyer recusing himself (officially but still probably advising in the background) on threat of a malpractice suit and bar complaint, and ultimately we came out ahead recovering the carrying costs completely. Finally our house goes back on the market and we get a contingent buyer who dicks us around for months. A title report shows a $70k lien that we were never aware of. The contractor then tries to stand by it triggering another small legal battle that scares off the buyers. When they back off we are now in the depths of winter when nobody buys houses. Our realtor probably fed up with everything, demands we drop the price $30k. At this point we have had a total of 60 days on the market in the last year and we have strong words back and forth with the realtor. Come late winter we get an offer at asking price, as is, accepting all prior inspections. We just got our appraisal at $2k over the sales price and everything is moving ahead. The money isn't in the bank yet but I'm so excited to be done with this hellacious rollercoaster.
Lessons learned: pay the money to have an FSBO contract professionally reviewed by a second attorney, and be realistic on the value but don't let an impatient realtor bully you into an undervalue price just to clear their board. Anyway that's my story.

For context: I was born into a failing family. My dad is a rageful alcoholic with food addiction and hoarding issues. He could be cold and cruel. My mom fluctuated and is inconsistently reliable. At her best, she is warm, nurturing and funny. But she can be vulnerable, manipulative and controlling or distant and in-her-own-little-world at times as well. My elder sibling was resentful of any attention I received and bullied me regularly. When we were very young, my elder sibling violated my physical boundaries intimately in a way I believe left me with long-term fallout that my parents failed to notice due to their self-absorption.
In early childhood I was "painfully shy," even going so far as to hide under furniture when family or friends would visit. I failed my preschool screening not because I could not answer the questions correctly, but because I refused to speak to the person administering it.
We had a turbulent childhood--a messy divorce between our parents, during which we were more pawns than kids, and so much moving around I lose track of how many times I was "new kid." When I started getting bullied for seeming gay (I wasn't out yet, even to myself) in high school my parents didn't notice, even though I went from A student to failing list one semester.
In those preteen years, I started seeing a ton of doctors for what my mom believed was physical distress but what I clearly felt was mental. I went on and off of tons of anxiety meds and antidepressants, but eventually tapered off when I went to college.
Though I flourished as much as was possible for me in college, I was still basically living a half-life. An obsessive amount of worrying went into all the possible ways of humiliating myself. I had very pathological plans to make it to "safe" bathrooms. I went through a huge amount of panic when the university suggested that they might require me to live on campus and share a room (I got out of it). I could not take the kinds of jobs my friends were working in retail and restaurants, only a campus job with very few hours and very little pay because it allowed me to dip out before the panic set in and reasonable access to a bathroom.
When I went to grad school, things got even worse. Insomnia set in. The only night I was guaranteed a full sleep was Friday because I had no obligations on Saturday. I wandered through life as a zombie, clumsy, foggy and with extremely heightened fight-or-flight due to the sleep deprivation. Sometimes I would call in sick because I could not operate my vehicle. In classes where all graded assignments were written, I got straight As. My only Bs came from classes with midterm and endterm final exams, because I was in such a panic being wedged in between two people in silence for three hours that I would not be able to devote my full attention to the exam.
I collapsed and had to return home, where I languished for a year or so. I returned to academia, where I clung on by the skin of my teeth for several years but it was the same exact story: caught between a deep loneliness and desire for belonging and a deeper fear of rejection and utter discomfort in social settings. The insomnia returned and I burned out.
I have been in therapy three times. Once for several months between stints in academia. Once during a grad program to help cope. And most recently for two years during my second languishing period.
I am horrified by how long I've struggled with "launching." I've been seeking help for this life-ruining social anxiety problem since I was a preteen. People have known I have had a deep fear of others since I was a child. It has been so terribly lonely and there have been low moments I've felt so hopeless about ever being to sustain a life in the ways that matter that I have called hotlines. This has probably been fewer than five, but it's been happening since I was eighteen or nineteen.
I feel like every resource I visit underestimates how pervasive this is in my life. If I am correct, the pervasiveness and enduring nature of something like this is precisely what makes it a personality disorder. This has been permanent for me, and even the most recent two years of therapy have not budged me much. Yet no authority has ever made an official diagnosis, not even for anxiety and depression.
It stresses me out, because I can see the severe consequences of this and I worry at times they're endangeirng my very life, but all authorities seem to be somewhat dismissive or act like what I'm going through is typical and something everyone deals with. I'm not insured, so if an emergency happens I'm probably broke for life. I was considering my situation today. I'm wearing glasses with one leg broken off because I can't afford to replace them. I haven't had my hair cut since Christmas because I live in a small town and don't want to answer personal questions from the barber. I have about one pair of jeans and a hoodie that fit. The last time I went to the dentist they said I had bone loss because I wasn't visiting enough. When I get sick I try to wait things out because I'm both terrified of being in public, answering employment questions to the receptionists and also because I can't afford it.
At what point does it stop being "shyness" or even social anxiety? When can we admit that this is something worth naming?
I came across this subreddit via the comments section of a post linking to an article about AvPD. The article discussed the disorder and how it was understudied. It profiled some people who'd been diagnosed with it, and I have never related to anything so much in my life, especially the paradox of wanting to belong but sabotaging all attempts to try. I cried when I read it and came here immediately.
Anyway, I'm sorry for the novel. If you've made it this far, thank you so much for letting me vent. I suspect many people on this sub might be people like myself who simply haven't had doctors, therapists or psychiatrists who recognize how extensive this pattern goes. I hope you all are able to find full care that treats all the many manifestations of this terrible thing we're struggling with.

https://www.midwesterndoctor.com/p/dissecting-the-new-york-times-plea
"Story at a Glance:
•Repeatedly forcing the public (e.g., through mandates) to use unsafe and ineffective therapies (that injured millions) has created a public relations disaster for the establishment.
• Various attempts have been made to do the impossible—restore the public’s trust in our medical institutions without any of them admitting fault.
• Here, I review each of the previous attempts and how they were used to create the recent infamous article by the NYT—which while monumental for bringing attention to the COVID vaccine-injured, also repeats a variety of strategic and very harmful lies to protect the vaccine industry.
• One of the mysteries of the COVID-19 response is what could have possibly justified breaking the public’s trust in the medical institutions our society revolves around. Here I will review the most compelling explanations we’ve come across after three years of investigating this commonly asked question."
....
"Before we go any further, I'd like to focus on its title, which sadly synopsizes the entire NYT article:
Note: thousands is a very clever word to use here, since if 999,900 people were permanently disabled by the vaccine, it would still be “true” but it implies a far smaller number.
When the word “believe” is used, it can have a few different meanings. For example it could be used:
• When you think something is true but don’t have the ability to back it up (e.g., I frequently use “believe” here because I think it is important to note the claims I am making that I cannot provide strong evidence for).
• To characterize something someone thinks is true an irrational belief that only exists in their head (e.g., a common way medicine gaslights patients ds by arguing the symptoms they experienced from a pharmaceutical injury are actually just “in their head”).
• When you want to acknowledge someone’s feelings to make it seem like you are doing something but divorce the discussion from any factual or substantiative grounding (something which sadly is quite common in the modern left).
In turn, I would argue the NYT was not using “believe” in the way I believe is appropriate to do and instead doing the latter two. Thus, like all good propagandists, they are attempting to find a way to twist the situation so that they can have their cake and eat it. Similarly, if you consider the other underlined phrase, it’s clear someone spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to write something that sounded like an acceptable admission and apology to those injured by the vaccines but simultaneously suggested that those injuries aren’t really a thing and there is nothing to be concerned about with the vaccine." .... "Note: as I show throughout this article, one of the most common scripts used to defend the vaccination program has been that the injuries are rare (e.g., one in a million). The best estimate I have seen of the vaccine injury rate is 18% of recipients experiencing mild to moderate injuries, 0.9% experience significant injuries (e.g., disabilities)—which of course does not include the many who have died (which many estimate at around 1 in 1000)."

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First time poster, long time reviewer of all things Reddit. I am having an issue that started a few months ago, about the same time my wife became friends with a throuple (three people in an open relationships).
I trust my wife of nearly 10 years, been together for 15 with 3 kids and the traditional American dream house. I work out of state and she’s used her new friends to deal with her social needs. I am uncomfortable with her excessive hanging out and I am uncomfortable with the unorthodox relationship status of her new found friends.
I have met and hung out with her new friends and they are good people. I trust my wife and I am beginning to trust these new friends of hers and I am making relationships with them as well. I have been having significant irrational thoughts about her over there doing whatever it is she does over there, the couple times we went over she been black out drunk and I have been there to tend to her. I am uncomfortable with her sleeping in any of their beds and I don’t know what’s happening when I’m not there.
I don’t know where these feeling of mistrust are coming from and it’s causing marital issues with us. We don’t fight and every time we’re there something happens that sets me off. Last time we were there, mind you I work out of state and don’t get a lot of time with her, she decided to cuddle one of her new guy friends while we watched a movie. I kept trying to cuddle her but that drove her more to him. I’m not clingly and not ok with her cuddling other guys. I expressed my feelings and now I feel like I’m getting punished for how I feel.
She thinks removing me from her fun will help, I hope she’s right because I have never been this way. What kind of therapy helps with exclusion and these intrusive thoughts? I’m tired of having the same conversation with her about how I feel and getting the same you need help speech…

Hello. Do anybody here have any idea about Car T cell therapy? What is it's efficacy? Do any of you availed it? Please share your experience 🙏.

Context

This project is for an invoice application that generates a pdf from a button click. Its plain and simple, approched with the MVP concept. Over time, I did add a few details but they do not interfere with the PDF generation.

My Tool Belt

The tools I've used for R&D are:

• M1 with Sonoma 14.3.1,
• Visual Studio Code Version: 1.89.1 (Universal),
• Latest PHP version (8.2),
• FPDF (1.86),
• Latest MySQL (8.X),
• Brave, FireFox and Safari (Latest Version),
• Perplexity AI (GPT 3.5)

Problem

In the latest FPDF version, I want to change the words thats coming from a MySQL database to be bigger in size AND displayed in the same CELL. This means displaying the following:

Cell(190, 5, "NAME: " . $data['name'], "B", 0, "L"); } } ?> 

where the name column (from MySQL), should be bigger in font size than "NAME: " in the output.

What I Tried

I've used the following methods (from FPDF), with no success:

1. MultiCell
2. SetFont
3. GetY
4. GetX
5. Ln
6. SetFontSize
7. SetX
8. SetY
9. SetXY
10. Write

Yes, I did look on StackOverFlow and Googled it, and as similar as the titles are to solving my problem, they do not provide the actual solution. I also verfied just now if there are any answers out there to answer my question as my last chance. There are none :( . I need to make the data from MySQL bigger like in the PDF from Acrobat where you're filling out a form. Imagine filling out a PDF form for the goverment or scholarships, they make the user inputs bigger that the hard-coded string.
The mentioned methods used were also the ones I've implemented to solve this problem. I've used many more methods that aren't mentioned, and they obviously lead to nowhere.

What I Got

I am currently stuck on the Cell method and from researching article, youtube videos and blog posts, have gotten no where near to my goal.

Quick Review

Heres the documentation:

• FPDF Official Documentation

I started with professionally done extensions and Gels (diff colors but love French Tip!) back in 2020 and stopped about 6 mo ago for no particular reason. I've been missing them and now finding this sub encourages me to get back to the salon! Thanks for doing this sub! If your curious my 'origin story' is below.
I'd decided to present a more "feminine" appearance publicly. I'm Bi M, was in my late 50's and had, privately, very much enjoyed crossdressing at home for some years and slowly replaced all my wardrobe with women's clothes. No dresses (ok, a couple) but you can get a lot done with yoga pants and, imho, bellbottom jeans still rock.
I'd just done 2 months of proton therapy for prostate cancer (cured! psa=0) and just figured: "I'm single, successfully self employed, don't really have to answer to anyone so... Fukit. I don't have to give a shit anymore if someone "gets" me or not." I have to say though, stepping out the salon door that first time with my long, perfectly done, pale yellow nails shining in the sun was a little nervy.
My friends were curious but got used to the look quickly. I explained that they'd be seeing a little "softer" image from me from now on. I hired five of them to help me rebuild my boat and we spent half a year at the boatyard doing the hard stuff. The boatyard is not a particularly "genteel" location and I was pleasantly pleased I got no static at all. Turns out you can still be taken seriously with long red nails and long blond hair if you're serious about your work.
The extensions didn't make it through the second day so I had to go back and have the salon re-do them extra thick. They still looked really good after work but brother, I coulda killed a man with these things, lol! Practically speaking though there were actually lots of times my nails helped me get some detail done but there's certainly limits and it hurts like MF-Hell to jamb one of those things!
The relatives at Christmas were curious and respectful. Three of my 4 older step brothers conspicuously made a point of making sure that they understood just how the entire process of getting them done worked, how often they're done, are they on all the time (they are/were), etc...., and I wouldn't have respected them quite the same if they hadn't gently busted my chops a little, mostly i think just making sure I was comfortable and secure in my decision, which I am.
I hope that wasn't to wordy, I'd really like to hear other guys experiences! I've been the only guy I know who wears their nails polished full time.

My hair used to be a nightmare – dry, frizzy, and prone to breakage. No product worked for long, and harsh chemicals only made things worse. Then, I discovered Ayurveda, a natural approach to health that focuses on the root cause of issues.
Understanding My Dosha
Ayurveda emphasizes personalized care. After learning I was Vata-dominant (dry, light, airy), it all clicked – my hair perfectly matched the Vata description!
Ayurvedic Hair Care Routine
I started a Vata-pacifying routine:

• Diet: More oily nuts, seeds, and sweet fruits for scalp nourishment.
• Herbal Therapy: Hair oil with Bhringraj, Amla, and Brahmi for strengthening and growth. Gentle scalp massage for circulation.
• Scalp Care: Replaced harsh shampoos with natural ayurvedic shampoo like Shikakai and Reetha, followed by a cool neem leaf rinse for dandruff and shine.
• Lifestyle Changes: Yoga and meditation to manage stress and improve sleep, both crucial for hair health.

It took time, but my hair transformed! Softer, less frizzy, and with a healthy shine – breakage became a distant memory. Ayurveda isn't just about beautiful hair, it's about holistic well-being. By addressing imbalances through diet, herbs, and lifestyle, I achieved a lasting hair transformation.

I know we all kind of feel this, but my god this phobia is so exhausting. I can just be hanging out in my house like I just was and have triggering thoughts for absolutely no reason. I was rinsing out a bowl that had hair dye into the bathroom sink and immediately my mind was flooded with the thought of “oh my god, being sick would be so terrible.” And that little thought triggered a hot feeling in my stomach and anxiety and thinking about how terrible it would be to be sick with the stomach flu or food poisoning or something. I just hate this phobia and how much it drains out of me every single day. I just can’t understand why the human brain seems to work this way. Why does anxiety even have to exist? Why can I not go about my day without having a thought about this terrible fear. I was telling my wife that it feels like a hopeless fairytale to think about a life where I didn’t have this phobia. I’m in a therapy program right now trying to work on it, but the idea that I would be able to live my life without this fear seems truly like a fairytale.
It’s funny because when I talk to other people with emetophobia and we discuss the last time we got sick we all come to the same conclusion. We realize that the first time it happens it feels super scary and the nausea and the anxiety are the worst part about it but that the act itself isn’t even that bad. Then when we end up having to do it again if we have a bug or something we aren’t even scared that second or third or however, many times it happens. But for some reason, the fear comes back.
I last got sick only maybe 6 or 7 years ago or something and I remember being absolutely fine and being proud of myself to tell my dad that I had actually gotten sick despite having my phobia. I woke up the next day, fine and hungry and for some reason, I still have this stupid fear.
Sorry for rambling. I guess I kind of use this as an outlet for this phobia and hope that other people might feel the same way or maybe have some hopeful words.
Sending love

I know this is a ridiculous question but hear me out. I'm terrified of cockroaches. It is a full blown phobia to the point I probably need therapy.
I moved to Fresno a few months ago. I'm currently renting an apartment that I specifically chose because none of the reviews mentioned roaches, I have a top floor unit, and they keep up-to-date with the pest control.
I would like to buy a house in Fresno. I went to a private showing for a house for sale the other day and found 2 roaches outside near the front door. After speaking to some people local to the area, it seems like roaches are a common problem here. The newer neighborhoods on the outskirts (where there used to be farmland) supposedly have more roaches. Are there neighborhoods that are known for more/less roaches?