Cojiendo con burros

[F]
Ciao.
Nella mia famiglia siamo sempre stati tutti molto magri di costituzione. Abbiamo sempre mangiato sano, senza mai però farci mancare qualche cosa di più pesante ogni tanto.
Quando andavo alle medie ero parecchio magra, probabilmente anche troppo, nonostante la quantità di cibo che mangiassi. Mi è sempre piaciuto mangiare.
Capitava spesso però che mia madre cominciasse a dirmi di “non mangiare più” o “non mangiare così tanto” “altrimenti mi sarei rovinata quel vitino da vespa che avevo, “altrimenti sarei ingrassata”. Diciamo che lì per lì non ci ho dato molto peso, ma ammetto che questi commenti mi hanno portata a stare molto male.
Nel corso degli anni questi commenti sono rimasti tale e quali, fino a che durante i primi anni delle superiori, ho iniziato a non riuscire più a mangiare e altre cose che non sto qui a raccontare. Oltre la mia psicologa non lo sapeva nessuno.
Mia madre intanto continuava e notavo come stesse cominciando a diminuire drasticamente la sua dose di cibo.
Al giorno d’oggi è arrivata a non fare più colazione, niente più pranzo (non sempre, ma molto spesso) e a mangiare solo qualche cosa (rigorosamente light) a cena e basta. Sul frigo ha attaccato una sola calamita che dice in tedesco “tutto ciò che amo ha troppe calorie”.
A proposito di calorie, è anche un continuo controllare le etichette dei cibi che mangia.
Per un periodo è anche andata in palestra.
Quando siamo a tavola non parla d’altro se non dei kg che ha perso o vorrebbe perdere (spoiler: è sempre stata pure lei MOLTO magra.)
Quando cucina qualche dolce per la famiglia si assicura sempre di non mettere burro, troppo zucchero e altre cose “grasse”. È fissata con sta roba. Non mangio un dolce che non sia “privo di grassi”, “light” o come cazzo volete chiamarlo, cucinato da lei da anni.
A me piace moltissimo cucinare e spesso questi dolci un po’ più pesanti li cucino io (per pesanti intendo con delle dosi normalissime di burro, zucchero, uova o altra roba che lei evita selettivamente). Lei rifiuta sempre di mangiarli, perché “troppo grassi”, appare triste/nervosa e vabbè. Onestamente ci rimango male perchè i dolci li cucino per tutti e spesso ci metto anche del tempo.
Questo comportamento è arrivato a contagiare anche mio padre, il quale non è così fissato come lei, ma pure lui ci tiene particolarmente alla sua linea. Lui si preoccupa per lei.
Vabbè comunque sono stanca di questa situazione. Vorrei poter mangiare quello che voglio senza dovermi sentire continuamente frasi di merda, gente che conta le calorie, gente fissata con il light. Basta. Vorrei cucinare senza sentirmi in colpa di ferire qualcuno, vorrei non vivere in un ambiente così. Sto aspettando solo di andarmene.

Ocupo recomendaciones de zapatos que sean buenos, que aguanten. Principalmente en la parte de la "plantilla". Pero no que sean burros, sino así como de uso diario jaja.
Un poco de contexto: Cómo desde hace 3 años me viene pasando que literalmente, las plantillas se me deshacen. Y cuando digo deshacer es literalmente deshacer. Se empiezan a caer pedazo por pedazo. He usado plantillas de las que uno compra y esas me duran aún menos. Pensé que era tipo algo de la forma de caminar pero fui a qué me hicieran "exámenes" y me dijeron que di no, camino normal. No tengo el pie plano ni enfermedades raras en los pies 😂 (tipo pie de atleta u hongos ahí miedo). Pero estoy di cansado jaja por qué en navidad de hecho me regalaron unas tennis bien lindas traídas de estados y como a los 3 días de uso ya se empezaban a ver los mismos daños.
Así que ajá busco recomendaciones de zapatos, que ustedes digan, me han durado toda la vida.
Edit: lista con los que van diciendo por si a alguien le sirve que no tenga que buscar en todos los comentarios
1.CAT

1. Dr. Martens
   
2. Merrel
   

4.Timberlands

1. Reebok para CrossFit

6.wyners (marca tica)

1. On
   
2. Cole Han
   

Buenas a todos, hago mantenimiento en una empresa en la q llevo menos de un año, tengo un compañero de unos 63 años que desde que entre siempre busca algo en que llamarme la atencion, algo que se pueda hacer mas prolijo o lo que sea, no es que yo trabaje mal soy bastante experto en mi area, el lado bueno de esas llamadas de atencion es que si he mejorado la estetica de mis trabajos, lo malo es que es bastante violento para referirse a esas cuestiones dice cosas como: "est hecho para el orto eso" por ejemplo... yo he tratado de ser lo mas profesional posible y de contestar de buena manera, el problema es que no se terminan nunca los comentarios despectivos, y si me he puesto violento yo tambien, una vez casi terminamos a las piñas, no la segui xq se que puedo perder el trabajo por eso y tengo una nena de un añito y ademas me encanta lo que hago, a partir de eso que paso nos abuenamos por un tiempo con el viejo este, pero parece que el rumor de la situacion violenta llego hasta los altos cargos y han publicado un protocolo de convivencia en el que detallan que esas situaciones hay que denunciarlas a rrhh, bueno... este viernes pasado hubo otro episodio de violencia, primer comentario, señaló que repare mal un burro de arranque, yo respondo bueno no te preocupes ya traen el repuesto y lo cambio, segundo comentario, no prende la maqui a xq esta mal conectada,(falso, las conecciones son nuevas) yo respondo jaja bueno calmate que estamos a viermes, tercer comentario, señaló que conecte mal un alternador, le respondo no le pusieron la correa, asi no va a generar nunca... la gota que rebalsó el vaso fue que tuve que dejar un trabajo a medias para ir a atender otra cosa , cuando vuelvo habia mandado a sus pichones a estropear mi trabajo... espere que se acercara y le dije de todo, el levantó la voz y justo andaba el gerente atras nuestro con gente externa a la empresa, parece q vio la secuencia y se fue a otro lado con esas personas... despues de eso cada uno se fue por su lado y no volvimos a hablarnos x el resto del dia, mas tarde lo vi que el gerente hablaba con el no se si fue sobre lo q paso o de otra cosa... la razon por la que escriboaca es que ya no se que hacer, se me hace dificil tolerar esa actitud cuando es tan recurrente, di me dice una boludez bueno ya fue pero estuvo re denso el viejo ese dia, tampoco quiero denunciar el hecho en rrhh xq voy a quedar como un buchon y se q le faltan dos años al viejo para jubilarse, ya intente razonar ya intente con violencia ya intente hablarle a mi jefe y directamente le chupa un huevo y no pasa nada... tambien puedo salir perjudicado x no denunciar antes y ponerme agresivo tambien... que carajo hago?

Verán, hace un tiempo atrás yo había "metido la pata" al lanzar una broma a una ex amiga sobre su hijo recién nacido, esto fue de forma indirecta, ya que estuve bromeando sobre eso con otra ex amiga, para ponerles en contexto de por qué bromeaba con esta y fue por que ella era literalmente una mujer que hacía locuras y incluso se vendía y afirmaba que nunca tendría hijos, bueno paso lo que paso y me reí y tal, pero en el momento que me junta con la otra amiga mía y suya a la vez, estuvimos hablando y especulando de quien seria el padre, (De los diez candidatos, todos dieron negativo) y bueno, después de hablar y reírnos, me fui a casa, y estaba en Facebook viendo memes y apareció un meme en forma de video-parodia de lo que paso a esa amiga que tuvo a su hijo por accidente y entonces se me ocurrió mencionar a la otra amiga y la (@) a ella y pues al otro día la hermana me escribió y me mandó alv y me dijo mamadas esa que yo ignore, y al otro día me escribió mi amiga y me puteo y me bloqueo, esto me dio una rabieta, entonces bloquee a la amiga con el cual estaba hablando y ya, esto hace 5 meses aproximadamente, pues la verdad me dio igual, ahora inicie una carrera de agronomia y me va bien juego videojuegos y tengo un estado físico excelente, y después me tope el chat de mis ex amigas y pues simplemente pensé, "Fueron una mala influencia, la primera de denigraba y nunca acepto mis sentimientos y si la de un perdedor, la otra ni se vinculaba tanto conmigo y si yo trataba simplemente me hacía a un lado para hablar con otro, lo único que nos hizo amigos fue conocernos cuando apenas dejamos los pañales" ellos no poseen vehículos ni parejas actualmente están solteras, pero un día el hijo se enfermo y oh sorpresa, me llamaron y me pidieron socorro para auxiliarlos, entonces escuche que me pedían que la llevara al hospital y demás entonces dije "No soportas ni una broma y me mandas alv y ahora corres a mi para auxiliar a tu estúpido accidente, ve a pedir socorro a otro burro y espero que tu y estúpida criatura se mueran, ya ayude muchas veces y siempreme hacian de menos" pues después de decir la broma y que me retaran y eso, ellas estuvieron divulgando tonterías sobre mi y entonces me enoje y cuando me llamo y me pidió auxilio le dije esto, su criatura llegó al hospital pero muy mal ya que fueron en motocicleta, mi padre me llamó y me llego a retar y demás diciéndome que soy orgulloso y que tengo que pensar en los demás y esa mamada, y le colgué cuando estaba a la mitad de su conversación incluyendo a mi madre y esa plaga de mujer, con lo mismo, pero los bloque incluyendo llamadas, ahora tengo muy buenas notas en la facultad, y tengo una vida plena además de jugar videojuegos, y mi mente está en paz, pero me preocupa el poco desinterés y poca ética en las emociones que expreso hacia las personas, soy directo y la verdad me importa igual si le hace daño a una persona, yo simplemente lo digo, y eso me preocupa mucho.

Forse nessuno di voi saprà che uno dei momenti più significativi della mia vita risale a giugno 2023. Siamo a Bishop's Cockford, cittadina a nord-ovest di London, UK, il cui nome attuale ho ormai dimenticato da mesi…
È mattina e ho appena aiutato Nyd Det a traslocare. Questo significa due cose: la prima, che a Biscock’s Cockford sono solo; la seconda, che non ho un vero posto in cui poggiare il culo fino a circa metà pomeriggio, momento in cui dovrei prendere uno dei tanti autobus di tratta Biscock’s – Stansted.
Ma che cosa volete che vi dica: la vita è così, e comunque anche se non fosse così il Wetherspoon apre alle otto e io ho sinceramente un certo languorino. Spazientito, e con quel certo languorino, attendo però le otto e zeroquattrominuti prima di addentrarmici, perché non vorrei mica che pensassero che sono un morto di fame (cosa che sono), o ancor peggio uno sporcaccione che non si lava né rade da giorni (cosa che sono).
Ecco, eccola, la fottuta cameriera. Ma come? Ma come cazzo ti permetti? Aveva… aveva il pollice dentro… i fagioli? In realtà no: me lo sono inventato con un impeto sciarriano alla rottura della quarta parete, e questo era solo uno stratagemma metanarrativo per dirvi che insomma questa CULONA anglosassone arriva e mi lancia il piatto sul tavolo così, con fare scazzato. Riscopro in questo modo il perché i prezzi delle pietanze, al Wetherspoon di Discock’s Cockford, sono tanto “competitivi”…
La full english breakfast, ad ogni modo, non è male, anche se riesco a finirla a fatica e soprattutto devo sforzarmi di accettare che nel mio piatto il burro (questo sì, e in confezione) era leggermente sprofondato dentro i fagioli. Aber wie man so sagt, Scheiße passiert.
Sarò sincero: a Discock’s Cockscock non rimane poi granchè da fare. Certo, uno può girare per la calle principale, e poi su per il cimitero, e poi giù dal parco, e poi di lì in lungo e in largo per i suoi umbratili sentieri fino ad arrivare al parcheggio del Leisure Center, e dunque su su fin alla ferrovia dove un avviso recita You have reached the world's edge, none but devils play past here… ma poi bisognerà sempre ritornare su strade già battute e vie già percorse, rigravitando in questo modo sempre verso il motore immobile della città, vale a dire PM Estates.
Per questa ragione, le ore trascorse a vagare inesorabilmente per queste chiare, fresche e dolci contrade saranno narrativamente glissate a favore di un esordio in medias res dell’evento che ha ispirato la stesura di queste righe, evento che verrà raccontato nel modo più anticlimatico che mi sia concesso di fare.
Sì, credo sia successo poco dopo l’ora di pranzo. O forse erano le tre, o magari un po’ prima.
Non che abbia veramente pranzato: la full english breakfast era talmente sostanziosa che per le ore seguenti non ho avuto davvero fame. Al massimo un sottile appetito, to’, ma un appetito sfiziabile, per così dire, e non sfamabile, un appetito che una confezione di biscotti integrali di Sainsbury’s e una acqua gassata con limone sempre di Sainsbury’s - rispettivamente da sgranocchiarsi e da sorseggiarsi di qua in là - erano più che sufficienti a soddisfare.
D’un tratto un vortice, uno smarrimento, una morsa. E no, non è la morsa angosciata che accompagna ogni mio singolo risveglio mattutino da quando, nel 2016 o giù di lì, qualcosa nei miei recettori della serotonina si è guastato definitivamente, no. È un vortice diverso, uno smarrimento più radicale. Mi sale un sospetto.
Può darsi che riempirmi lo stomaco di fagioli e bacon e uova e burro e tentacoli chtuliani e ancora di biscotti e acqua frizzante con zucchero limone non sia stata poi un’idea così brillante.
Come ve lo devo dire: mi scappa il cagotto ragazzi.
Le mie chiappe non reggono, devo fare qualcosa. Il posto più vicino? Improvvisa, G_astone, improvvisa. Uhm, ehm. Jackson Square. Al Jackson Square ci sono sicuramente dei bagni, credo.
Strisciando sull’asfalto con l’andatura che è un misto fra quella del Bigfoot del Patterson-Gimlin film e quella di una donna al decimo mese di gravidanza, in qualche modo arrivo nel solenne edificio del Jackson Square di Dickscock’s Cockscock upon Cockinton. Mi dirigo al bagno, superando la desolazione di uno Starbucks e di qualche altro squallido negozio di provincia. Il cesso, per fortuna, è deserto. A noi due.
Insomma… entro dentro questa cabina LURIDA e penso: zio porco. Lo sto facendo davvero. Sto davvero cagando in questo recinto di mondo. Sto davvero per infestare le falde acquifere con un litro, un litro e venti di rifiuti radioattivi e putridi. Questa non è una defecazione, penso. Questo è un affronto a una cittadina di 35mila abitanti. Questa è una mancanza di rispetto a un paese, una nazione di 55milioni di bastardi coi denti di legno. Stronzi. Ma comunque mi sento male, you know whatimsayin? Ti sto direttamente cagando nel territorio. Io non ho nemmeno un visto per stare qui, e adesso ti tiro una valanga di uranio impoverito giù per il tubo che zio can nel tempo… nel tempo si trasformerà in acqua, che diventerà una pianta, che verrà digerita da una vacca, che diventerà un hamburger, e tu… e tu te lo MANGERAI, non so se mi spiego. Folle. Procedo a cagare.
Dopo aver finito l’oltraggio, cerco di tirarmi col cucchiaino da quella cabina di sudore e disperazione. Il mio zaino è per terra in un pavimento lercio. Credo che la mia cintura, slacciata, abbia fatto anche la scarpetta fra le piastrelle. Sudato, sono molto sudato. Me ne esco.
Il resto… è irrilevante. Potrei raccontare di quello che feci dopo e appiccicarci una morale posticcia, ma il fatto è che non me lo ricordo, e anche se fosse non avrebbe comunque nessun senso, dal momento che l’unico motivo per cui siete arrivati qui, alla fine di questa cronaca, è che avevo bisogno di raccontarvi della mia gargantuesca cagagione in una anonima cittadina inglese, che da sempre porta il nome di

Hola gente como andan , tengo una Zanella Blackstreet (la patagonian st actual) 150. La compre 0km en el 2014 y siempre tuvo sus mañas de mal armado y por no pelearme con los de k1000 motos la use como andaba y listo. Vino mal carburada de fabrica, siempre le costo arrancar , se ahogaba mucjo y nunca supe lo que es que arranque de una patada. Con el electrico arrancaba siempre. Por causas de salud y dinero la deje parada muchísimo tiempo (5+ años , aclaro sin nafta en el tanque y se vacio todo antes de dejarla parada). En pandemia con un amigo la intentamos arrancar con una bateria que no se si estaba en corto o mi moto tenia un corto pero volaba el fusible de la bateria y pegaba contraexplosiones pero no arranco. Ahora de vuelta la quiero volver a usar y lo primero que hice fue cambiar el carburador de mierda con el que vino , lo coloque , la bateria agotada mal con 10v , controlo que tenga chispa , controlo que llega nafta y no atina a tirar ni una mini explosion , compresion tiene (no se si influye pero la moto se paro con 1700km y la usaba con motul 5100) , si.. tiene solo 1700km la usaba para ir a la facu nomas. Obviamente cagandola a patadas por que la bateria esta agotadisima , no deberia arrancar igual??? (Esto ya pregunto de burro nomas)
TL:DR: moto parada hace 10 años , tiene burca nuevo nafta chispa la cago a patadas y no arranca.
Que hago jajaja , mil gracias!!

Si sólo cojiste usando forro todavía seguís siendo virgen, porque no estás cojiendo con la mina, estás cojiendo con un plastico y es igual que cojerse la manito con una bolsita encima
Encima sos re betita, cuck, cagón y puto por no intentar coger como un hombre de verdad. Un verdadero macho coge a beluche y no saca la bijona para acabar

Por alguna razón mientras estabamos cojiendo, la mina me empezo a meter la lengua dentro de la oreja, les juro que no me esperaba tal evento así que proseguí con mi función en el acto.
Pd: Menos mal que me había limpiado las orejas kjj

Verán soy un Joven qué Renta en una ciudad peligrosa de México en el sur del país.. A causa del Estudio Estoy estudiando en este pueblo donde una considerable tasa de criminalidad, en vista de eso, cada lugar público donde quiero salir a despejarme ya están los policías interrogando o siguiendo para ver que no venda drogas.. Siento que como si fuera un delito ser un chamaco joven. Las personas aquí son sumamente desconfiadas, ya me paso varias veces, que cuando quiero visitar lugares nuevos se corre el chisme qué, hay alguien merodeando el lugar y me andan tomando fotos tipo tengan cuidado con esta persona.. El tiempo restante me la paso en la escuela.. Pero no me gusta estar ahí es un ambiente desgastante por la ola de calor.. Y en mi casa...no suelo gustar quedarme, me deprime estar allí.. Percibo un patrón inconsciente de las personas hacia los chamacos jóvenes, indiferencia, desprecio y desinterés amenos qué ofrezcas algo que a ellos les satisfaga.. Cabe mencionar qué estoy vetado de un lugar por unos malentendidos, que tuve como una residente de esa zona.. Yo iba a ver a mi novia y ahora no puedo x culpa de esa residente qué me difamo con todas las personas del lugar.. La cuestión de la chamba tampoco me ha ido muy bien, creandose chismes y tratando me como un burro de carga.. Todo este compendio de situaciones me hace sentir miserable y que la vida en este (Personaje y Condiciones) Internamente esto me causa insatisfacción, pero eso no le importa en lo más mínimo a los demás, en como dirigirse hacia ami. No quiero ganar poder y respeto, xq el beneficio es mínimo ya qué eso a los demás les parece pedante y toman una postura inempatica.. Entonces me pregunto ¿en que contextos deberia moverme? Otra cosa que se me olvido mencionar es que aquí los policías y guardia nacional buscan el más estúpido pretexto para detenerte, pedirte dinero o buscarte sospechas.. Y si no haces caso a ellos al bote, ya me paso una ves!

This is not finished and is written out of order so I may write part one one day and part two another they are ment to have diffrent style and be a bit bad.
Old Testiment as Written By Sir Eddie Murphy
Genesis
With his hands and ass cheeks he created our universe and infused it with life. He did this after he had one too many chicken Alfredos; the rupture caused him to poop with such force it caused a bang. A big bang. The bang caused earth to form. At this time it was just an empty wasteland with no life. However shrek with his omnibevelence wiped his ass with earth after the great shart. This invigorated the earth with things such as the grass and dirt we stand on and the cow birds and Mexicans we see. Shrek saw the earth and saw it was good. He named it the great onion in the sky. Finally Shrek created the things that mortal men can not see. Feelings. Hunger and thirst among other things. The reason shrek created hunger and feelings of sadness is that he new with his omniscience that they would lead to the creation of the chicken Alfredos form before. With this shrek created death as all must have an opposite and death is the unlucky opposite of life. This pained shrek to see his beloved creatures die so he created an afterlife so great and unfathomable that no mortal human could understand. This was named the great Taco Bell beyond the sky. With this creation he came down to the earth and formed the only country's the UK, Beeston, Spain, Saudi Arabia, Bramley and Australia however that has now been destroyed.
Early workings
After shrek made the world and lit it up with the stars in the night sky. He made the first human a man of pure faith and love for all who love shrek. Butter pants. Butter pants was sent down to watch the inhabitants and what they do, for shrek gave them free will. Butter pants became restless however after some time and so was given from shrek a wife and here was the first woman. Lois Griffin. They spent thier days with shrek on earth. Playing, telling stories and overall living a carefree life. After some time butter pants and lois griffin had kids. Three children Bob sob and George and in thier childhood they lived much the same as their perants. However, when they grew up they began to become more restless. Arguments rose and fell quickly like sparks. The three boys began to despise not just each other but thier family and shrek. This lead to the three boys leaving shrek to live somewhere else they all set off alone in diffrent directions. After many more years of distance to shrek the three boys began to forget. Not thier anger towards each other, although the argument that started had been lost, but their love for shrek. However one day one of the three boys sob discided to meet again with shrek for a request. "Lord please give me mercy for I beg of you a wife or a child". The Lord forgave sob and bestowed on him a child. The best ever seen. Three years past and the child named Mr bean was showing incredible intelligence and was growing quickly and nicely. Sob had now reconciled with lois and butter pants and they lived happily with each other. But the other boys became jealous and planned to kill Mr bean at night. Late one night they set thier plan into action and when all were asleep they suffocated the child without a sound. However with some sixth sense butter pants woke up and ran into the room to see his beloved dead. Feelings of anger, hate, sadness and distress fell over him like a great weight. He screamed and shouted at the boys and them tried to get his revenge. And after a while of fighting sob killed George. Shrek awoke along with lois griffin and he stormed into the room. "What have you done you animals" shrek screamed the boys did nothing for they saw the power of shrek never seen by man. "You live a life without me and you murder directly going against my will. For this you shall be punished as one of the weak in the world already unforgiven as blind mice together with the lost George. I leave you now for I never knew you".
The the aftermath
Shrek sent down along with lois and butter pants many men and woman to earth and split them out across the lands. Story's of shrek were told but they were eventually lost or warped beyond repair. Many generation came and when developing with the lost power of shrek. Because of this lost power they now fought with new pains. However shrek still loved humanity. The three blind mice lived as a testament to shreks wrath although they were seen as a legend and two the human eye seen as just mice.
To worship shrek
Shrek must be worshiped in a shrek church (an onion shaped dome to signify the warm and layers shrek brings to us) and do the Thug Shake. Hymns can also be sung like All Star. The shrek community needs to look after one another and this goes for humanity as a whole. The shrek onion is not only a place of worship but a place of giving.
The nature of shrek
Shrek is all powerful and all knowing he sees all that has happened all that is happening and all that will happen. Shrek does not have an age. He is master of all. There before the first silence was broken. He loves all who belive in him. I bear witness their is no God But Shrek.
La historia del pus en las botas
Un momento concreto en el que Eddie estaba difundiendo la buena palabra de shrek en España. Se encontró con un gato solitario; Eddie se apiadó del gato y recordó sus viejos tiempos como un burro normal. Eddie decidió acoger al gato como propio. Durante muchos años entrenó al gato llamándolo pus. El gato dominaba el cuchillo y luchaba contra los criminales de su ciudad. Pus oró para Shrek todos los días y con la ayuda de Eddie abrió un jardín público de cebollas para que la gente comiera y donara. Un día, por gracia de Shrek, le regalaron botas y lo consideraron pus en las botas.
This next segment was made by chatgpt
Title: "The Gingerbread Guardian"
In the quaint village of Sugarlandia, where the scent of freshly baked cookies filled the air, there lived a humble baker named Mrs. Butterbuns. Known far and wide for her delectable treats, Mrs. Butterbuns had a secret ingredient that gave her creations a magical touch: a pinch of stardust harvested from the heavens above. One crisp autumn day, as Mrs. Butterbuns was preparing her famous gingerbread cookies for the annual Harvest Festival, something extraordinary happened. As she sprinkled the stardust into the dough, a tiny spark ignited, and from the oven emerged a gingerbread man unlike any other. With a mischievous grin and a twinkle in his eye, the Gingerbread Guardian came to life, imbued with the wisdom of the stars and a mission to protect the village from harm. As word of the miraculous cookie spread, so too did the tale of the Gingerbread Guardian. Children gathered round to hear stories of his daring adventures, from foiling the plans of the mischievous Candy Bandits to rescuing lost kittens from the treacherous Toffee Swamp. But amidst the laughter and joy, a shadow loomed on the horizon. The wicked Witch of the Wastelands, jealous of the village's prosperity, devised a dastardly scheme to steal the magical stardust for herself. With her army of sugary minions, the witch launched an assault on Sugarlandia, intent on capturing the Gingerbread Guardian and seizing control of his celestial powers. But the people of Sugarlandia refused to surrender without a fight. Armed with rolling pins and cookie cutters, they rallied to the defense of their beloved guardian, standing shoulder to shoulder against the encroaching darkness. In the epic battle that ensued, sugar flew and frosting splattered as the forces of good and evil clashed in a showdown of epic proportions. With courage and determination, the Gingerbread Guardian led the charge, his gingerbread heart ablaze with the fire of righteousness. In the end, it was not brute strength or magic that prevailed, but the power of friendship and unity. Together, the villagers and their guardian vanquished the witch and her minions, restoring peace and harmony to Sugarlandia once more. And so, the legend of the Gingerbread Guardian lived on, a sweet reminder that even the smallest among us can make a difference in the world, one sprinkle of stardust at a time.
The beginning of the shrek religion
For thousands of years shrek kept silent on his existence. Watching over the earth not interfering with anything. This was to wait for the perfect moment when humanity was ready. This fist contact happened happened to Eddie Murphy. Eddie was a poor donkey just like any other. He waited for nothing wandering like a lost soul. He lived on a farm with an farmer however they was not treated equally. Eddie lived outside with no shelter eating grass. While the farmer ate grand feists with his family. Shrek did not like this shrek loved donkey can couldn't sand to see them be treated in such a way. So one day shrek, for the first time ever, came down to Eddie and gave him knowledge, knowledge that no mortal had had to this point. The knowledge to save humanity. With this gift shrek also granted Eddie with the gift of speech. With the help of shrek Eddie managed to jump the fence leading to his freedom from the farmer and into the town square. Their he shouted with glee that he had seen God. "Shrek" "shrek" "that is his name" the people in the town were confused and in awe of seeing a talking donkey. But then from the sky out dropped a seed that dropped next to Eddie's feet. Eddie shouted with all his might "plant this seed as it is the seed of shrek". One of the humans stepped up to pick up thr seed and planted it for Eddie. And when asked his name he said proudly "Farquad". But then from the ground sprouted a large white onion. Eddie raised his voice again "spread the word of shrek as I will. I hope to see you all in the kingdom of shrek." From thier Eddie set off on a voyage to spread the good word of shrek and farquad was appointed leader of the village.
The fall of lord farquad
Under the rule of farquad the village grew quickly. Many people came from around the world to see the great onion. They built holy places to shrek to worship him around the globe. However as the years past religion became less important and lord farquad became more greedy untill life for the people became worse while farquad lived a lavish life forgetting his Shrek given purpose. Until one day Eddie came back to see what had happened to the village. He was shocked to see little to nobody worshiping shrek. They were too busy being over worked by farquad. It seemed like their was nothing Eddie could do so he did what he always did in times of need. Pray. And shrek answered. From the heavens he brought Butter pants. Together with Eddie they came up with a plan to over take lord farquad. Under the blanket of night the three suck into the Palace of lord farquad and into his bedroom. "What are you doing here donkey" lord farquad said "What have you done too the holy land Eddie retorted "What I needed too" shouted lord farquad. But then from the shadows butter pants appeared. "Do the roar" he said. Lord Farquad looked confused. "Do the roar" he repeated many more times untill the annoyance reached its peak. "Shut up" farquad screamed. Farquad had to stop the noise. Somehow and the only way he knew was to jump. "Do the roar" was repeated many more times untill lord farquad had enough and shouted 'ill jump if you don't shut up". The last thing lord farquad heard before he jumped was "Do the roar". The village for years to come became a holy land for all.
The afterlife
Years had past. Eddie was now far from his foal days. He now lived his days in a bed each day shorter of breath and one day closer to death. Untill one day he died with his pussy beside him he prayed. The pain of his heart soon relived and he was sent to the great Taco Bell beyond the sky. There he met shrek. "Sup I'm god" shrek said eating his 4th chalupa that day. Eddie looked around at the Taco Bell. It was all onions. Shrek finished his chalupa and said "Eddie Murphy you are my most trusted. When I one day come down to humanity come with me you are my protector". Eddie left to see what the afterlife offered but their was so much so many layers to go. He met Danny devio. No I will not explain further. Its an after life joke you non afterlife people wouldn't understand.
Pus post Eddie's death
Seeing the death of his parental figure broke pus. However though the clouds he saw shrek who comforted pus during these times. Throughout the day he stopped crime however at night he stayed at the milk bar to the early hours of the morning this behaviour culminated during a night like any other when he was kidnapped. Hours went by in the carriage when pus was finally unmasked. Lord Farquad stood in front of him. Pus had heard stories of farquad and how he died so how could he be here. Pus didn't know all he did know was that he needed to finnish farquad once and for all. Pus thought though all off lord farquads monologue and then remembered. Chalupa. With the chalupa he ate hours ago still in his belly he let rip a fart so loud it could be heard in the great Taco Bell beyond the sky. This riped out his shackles and laughed him straight to farquad. The guards were none the wiser when he snuck behind farquad and pulled his pants down causing farquad to die of embarrassment and crush pus. This act sent pus to the after life wear he met shrek.
The fight of humpty dumpty and butter pants
マスターハンプティダンプティの戦い バターパンツが刀を振り上げた。 「咆哮をやれ」。ハンプティはバターパンツに飽きていて、決闘で彼と1対1を望んでいた。しかし、突然武装を解除されたハンプティーダンプティーに向かって突進したとき、バターパンツにはシュレックとアニメの力が味方していた。 「咆哮するか？」。彼はこれを止められず、何とかこの状況から抜け出す方法を考えなければなりませんでした。そう、彼の天才的な計画は、シュレックの助けなしには誰も思いつきませんでした。それで彼は計画を実行し、ハンプティーダンプティーにぶつかっただけで死んでしまいました。彼は卵であり、したがって非常に弱いからです。
Humpty dumptys return
جلس هامبتي دمبتي على جدار أحد المتاجر وألقى باللوم في إصاباته على السقوط الكبير. كانت ليلة عربية باردة حيث جلس هامبتي دمبتي على جمله في أقصى الصحراء حيث زرع الحبة السحرية. كان يعلم الآن أن بوس وإيدي ماتا ويمكنه العودة.
Ingredients to shrek brownies
You likely already have the ingredients you'll need for these easy brownies on hand:
· Sugar: These easy brownies start with two cups of white sugar. · Flour: All-purpose flour creates structure in the batter. · Butter: Two sticks of melted butter give the brownies moisture and richness. · Eggs: Eggs lend even more moisture. Plus, they help bind the batter together. · Cocoa powder: Of course, you'll need cocoa powder for chocolate brownies! · Vanilla: Vanilla extract enhances the overall flavor of the brownies. · Baking powder: Baking powder acts as a leavener, which means it helps the brownies rise. · Salt: A pinch of salt enhances the flavors of the other ingredients. · Walnuts: Nuts are optional, of course, but they add a welcome crunch.
Shrek orders at Wendy's
"Hello can I please get a baconator with large fries and a coke" he said burping mid way through. "Would you like to make that a meal said the drive through worker. "Yes" So that day shrek got a baconator with large fries and a. Wait they forgot his coke. Shrek was mad however as he is an omnibevelent God he only destroyed the entire country the Wendy's was on. The country was Australia so if you hear anyone say anything about Australia it is your duty to slap them and say shrek got rid of Australia. So moral of the story is. I don't know actually know ummmmm don't forget your coke.
The poem of shrek
Shrek is the one he is our call For he is my love and my soul He is the light to my darkness And the darkness to my light He will bring the world to an end Shrek is love shrek is life
Breaking shrek
"Eddie Murphy we need to cook" said shrek "Yo Mr shrek like zoinks scoob we need lots of meth" shouted Eddie. So for the rest of the day they cooked meth untill the evil hank shrader from the hit TV show Breaking bad showed up "Stop cooking drugs it's bad" "No" said shrek "OK" They lived out the rest off thier days cooking meth and lived happily ever after.
All star
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed ♪ She was lookin’ kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb ♪ In the shape of an "L" on her forehead ♪ The years start comin’ and they don’t stop comin’ ♪ Fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin’ ♪ Didn’t make sense not to live for fun ♪ Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb ♪ So much to do ♪ So much to see ♪ So what’s wrong with takin’ the backstreets ♪ You’ll never know if you don’t go ♪ You’ll never shine if you don’t glow ♪ Hey, now ♪ You’re an all-star ♪ Get your game on, go play ♪ Hey, now, you’re a rock star ♪ Get the show on, get paid ♪ And all that glitters is gold ♪ Only shootin’ stars break the mold ♪ It’s a cool place and they say it gets colder ♪ You’re bundled up now but wait till you get older ♪ But the meteor men beg to differ ♪ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture ♪ The ice we skate is gettin’ pretty thin ♪ The water’s getting warm so you might as well swim My world’s on fire ♪ How ‘bout yours ♪ That’s the way I like it and I’ll never get bored ♪ Hey now you’re an all-star [shouting] [singing] ♪ Get your game on, go play ♪ Hey, now, you’re a rock star ♪ Get the show on, get paid ♪ And all that glitters is gold ♪ Only shootin’ stars break the mold ♪
Shrek gets added to fortnite
Once upon a time shrek got added to fortnite with the Eddie Murphy backbling and onion glider. "Hello shrek welcome to fortnite" said Peter Griffin hitting a devious griddy. Tehetehe Shrek went on to get the victory Royal with goku lady gaga and bender form futerama.
Got a random guy to write this
Imagine Shrek traveling back in time and encountering a younger version of his great grandfather, Baby Gronk, in the present day. Baby Gronk might be a mischievous but endearing character, possibly with some ogre-like tendencies but in a smaller form. Shrek, with his big heart and sometimes gruff exterior, might find a kindred spirit in Baby Gronk. They could bond over shared family traits, like a love for swampy homes or a penchant for unexpected adventures. It could be a heartwarming story of family connection across generations, showing that even though times and appearances change, some things, like family bonds, remain constant. How does that sound.Part 2 of the shrek Bible as Written By Sir Eddie
The accention
A fine wonderful and enfactuating light pierced though the clouds and sky and down came from the great tacobell on the sky came down shrek. He sat on a great cloud; adorned in a great silk and angel made cloak. All stared at his glory. His figure was surrounded by a radiance he was like the sun all revolved around this moment. The angles followed. They were great celestial being clad in amour and swords but today they lay in modest and with instruments they played a inimagineable song that engrossed all listeners into a trance. Following next was Sir Eddie Murphy now raised from the dead with Pus and the original man Butter Pants. They wore astral clothes as they walked down to earth by seemingly walking on the air. Soon the four Shrek, Pus, Eddie and Butter Pants were on the ground and stood at a market stall. Shrek stood on a box and began to project his voice. "From now untill I die in this mortal form I am all God and all man. I will now see the true life of my most beloved your eyes". All stood in disbelief for thier saviour had come and with that speach shrek became far less intimating his astral light faded. However he still sat in his green ogre form. Shrek ascended down to the UK to begin but shrek new he must go on a voyage across the lands to spread the word of his arrival but he had to get ready. In the oncoming days shrek conversed with the people of the town and finding lay of the land. He mapped out hid journey and the stops he would have to make for food, water or rest and how he play to make it in the elements. However one day he was invited to talk with head of the village. "Shrek" he said in a light tone "it has come to my attention that you plan on leaving the town soon" "Yes that is correct my son" said shrek "There is something that I want you to have" said the head. "A shortsword, it was forged many years ago b- "My son my voyage is of peace and love for one another not a conquest it will not be needed in any extreme case but thank you my lord however I am greatful for your offer". Days more passed when shrek set out quickly and quietly under the setting sun so not to be seen and made a great fuss however he left a note in the home he was staying in giving them the information they needed but by then he would be far gone.
The journey to Beeston
Shrek walked happily and care free for some time untill he came to the beginning of a forest. The trees were tall and imposing and it was as if the branches were pointing at him to leave like a warning. At this time the sun was beginning to set and the night was dark. Going around would surely add time to his journey and eat into his food and water supply and so would waiting outside for daytime. Shrek had thought about this before setting out about a week prior and had deicided to enter the forest however now as it towerd over him he felt true fear. Shrek thought for a while as the sun fully set and the moon took its place and finally stepped his foot into the forest. As he walked foreboding stalked him and shrek could get no peace; he would look around for danger but the darkness And the fog clouded his vision. He could bearly see the hands infront of him. But after some miles his body caved and he set camp for the night. His legs ached and his body shaked the warmth of his sleeping bag couldn't satisfy the sharp coolness he felt. Shrek fell asleep that night cold and wet wishing he was home but he knew he needed to do this for humanity. Fragments of light broke though the shaded trees although the forest was cold as most light couldn't get though. The fog was still about him but was lessened from the night before. The air was sharp and shreks fear palpable. He still felt if the tree or something else that lurked in the shadows was watching him and judging his and getting ready to make thier move. As sheek got further into the forest the path became unclear and the sound of crows circling him above the clouds louder. Shrek sense of direction was now lost as they day began to come to a close. He walked around aimlessly fearful of what was lurking. One night after a full day of walking tring to find his way out he heard something. A noise, it was like a man's footstep yet quieter and seemingly shorter. Shrek came out of his sleeping bag and looked around "my child I mean no danger to you or this forest come out I wish to speak with you" shrek said with a quaking voice. The forest lay silent. Shrek looked around again when a quick pounce came from a bush and from it was a small brown haired creature wearing old fashion clothes. He lunged at shrek and held a knife to his neck he laughed spratically. "I have found you" he whispered into shreks ear. Shrek pushed him aside and shouted "why my son must you try to pain me" "I'll make your bones into bread, I'll spead your eyes over toast, I'll make your skin into clothes. You will be the crown of my collection" he shouted laughing still uncontrollablely. "My son you must stop for this will not get you anywhere" shrek said clearly scared. "Why did you wait so long to kill me" "I like to see my victims scream, beg me for mercy promising anything to me just to see one more day" he said. "Now time for my murder wig and out from his pocket he produced a large spiked red wig before he once again lunged at shrek and this time he managed to slice his hand. Shrek screamed in pain as the sharp agony pulsed though his body. But then from his bag shrek pulled out a guitar and threw it rumplestiltskin followed it and seemingly disappeared. Finally shrek got some much needed rest although the thought of been murdered in his sleep stressed him alot. For the next couple of days in the forest shrek walked with little fear although as he got closer to his destination the land grew weirder. The trees grouped closer together and the land uneven shrek missed donkey and pus and he thought of them lots. However, the days now were getting lighter as he was almost out of the forest and into the untamed land of Beeston. That morning after waking up and after his food was becoming scarce shrek exited the forest. The land of Beeston had many abandoned buildings like jungles, road men selling drugs and stabbing people but among the chaos lay an oasis. Kyle Upton and Harry Uptons House. It sat as if a castle the only protection for shrek.
As soon as shrek stepped over the border of Beeston he was met by a road man "Yo whats your name man" said the road man "Shr-" shrek began to say "Yo man shut the fuck up nobody asked bro" the road man interrupted "you fucked me up man. I can't think get out my head man get out my head" the road man ran away holding his head screaming get out my head man. Shrek carried on his journey to the oasis for some time untill the day turned to night so shrek rested in a pub. He walked in and the stench of a sweaty 40yr gaza with a Leeds United shirt on hit him and from the cracks of his armpit and his ass cheeks float green lines of stink who sat drinking a beer. There was also a group of people sat at the far side of the bar playing a gambling game. However, among the various other people one stood out to him although he wasn't quite sure why. The man sat alone not talking away from everyone else. He sat with a tin of beans that he was slowly eating. Shrek thought he could see the man staring at him as if examining him. However, shrek could not get a good idea of the man's face as he wore a hat and he mostly had his head down eating his beans. For a while shrek forgot his worrys in the bar talking with locals sharing story's. He found out the little monster he saw in the forest had been troubling the town for a while and that they hoped that he was now gone for good. But after many hours of conversation shrek decided to get a room and set off in the morning. Shrek awoke with a blur but as his eyes adjusted to his surroundings he above him a dark shadow yet it had a form like a man. The shadow drew its sword before shrek could react and it stabbed him in the heart before shrek awoke in a cold sweat. It was a dream. He sat up in his bed as his eyes adjusted to the darkness but after one or two minutes shrek felt as if a dark figure passed the window of the room. Shreks room was at the top part of the bar it was not a terrible room small but cosy. He looked around desperately and quickly looking for an answer when another shadow passed the window this time shrek got a better look at it. It was large and dark it wore a tattered cloak and had a sword sheaved under it. The same one from the dream. An then suddenly a loud knock came from the door. Shrek cowered in his bed frozen when the door swung open and in came the a man. The man shut the door and blocked it he was panting as if he was running or if he was in grave danger. Now shrek could get a better idea of who the man was he now realised that it was the man from before who was watching him carefully. "What do you want from me shrek cried "I'm here to help you shrek word of your journey has spead and many people are not welcoming of you". "I'm not quite sure who those shadows are but I know they want you dead and they will stop at nothing untill thier task is complete". "What are we to do" said shrek now sat on his bed on high alert. "We must go to Kyle and Harry they may know more on these creatures of the night and in their home we are safe" Whispered the man when another knock came to the door before the started to barge the door. "Come, the door is not verry strong and my defence won't last long" the man opened the window and threw a rope down tieing one end to the bed. They both climbed down the rope and then onto the man's horse. "Thank you" said shrek pausing to say his name "my name is Joe Webster" pleasure to serve you shrek. As they began to ride to the house of Kyle and Harry from the distance they could see the shadows watching them though the window of thier room.
Part 3 as Written By key whiteness of shrek decent to Earth
The expansion of the shrek religion As Written by kristianus kokaes
As the shrek religion began in the UK it quickly spread to Beeston and Bramley though the use of devout peasants moving looking for better paying jobs after the black death (1348-50). However in the 1500s came the discovery of the new world and with that opened new trade routes wear people often spread their faith to Shrek. This act spread the religion to Spain. Many years after this once the shrek religion had been woven within the culture of Spain and most of the country belived in him and built monuments in his name. Some would set out on pilgrimages from Spain to Saudi Arabia spreading thier religion further. However one country failed to see shrek as thier god. Australia. For shrek is just and omnibevelence he came to peace with this fact untill they got his Wendy's order wrong.

I feel like somethings getting lost in translation. What do these lyrics mean?
De América pa' Europa le crucé las cordillera' en Transur
Con lo que se limpió el teclado me dopaba
Yo no crecí con PSP, a duras penas tuve el pin (Sí)
Hasta en la pic me recortaba (Yeah)
Porque quise Timberland, pero nos adaptamo' a las Venus
Sin champú, hasta los juguete' eran ajeno'
Culebreando en Santa Elena, en burro hasta el parque del perro
En mi pedazo en la bocina y fui el de menos
Tratando de cambiar la historia con un sueño
Si por el vicio, Santa se fumó los renos
Hasta tiré a borrarme a punta de veneno
_
From America to Europe I crossed the mountain ranges in Transur The cleaning of the keyboard made me dope I didn't grow up with PSP, I barely had the pin (Yes) Even in the pic he cut me out (Yeah) Because I wanted Timberland, but we adapted to the Venuses Without shampoo, even the toys were foreign Wandering in Santa Elena, on a donkey to the dog park In my piece on the horn and I was the least Trying to change history with a dream If because of vice, Santa smoked the reindeer I even tried to erase myself with poison

Next week we'll read Sangre en el ojo by Chilean author Lina Meruane and published in 2012. Today we have one of Gabriel García Márquez' last works, published at age 77, Memoria de mis putas tristes (link in Eng & Esp). Below I'll paste book quotes in Spanish to preserve Márquez' particular Colombian prose.
This is a novella about an old whoremonger finally finding love as he approaches death. At age 90, our unnamed protagonist wants to buy an evening with a virgin. His longtime madame finds him a very young woman, beginning an unconsummated affair which lasts for the rest of his life.
The narrator, a newspaper columnist, gives this woman the name Delgadina, swapping one taboo for another. Here is La Delgadina, the Mexican folk song, on youtube. Lyrics in English and Spanish are on Wikipedia. We never hear Delgadina speak.
Early on, Márquez mentions a picaresque from the Spanish Golden Age, La Lozana andaluza (full text in spanish). Lozana, a Spanish word which can mean arrogant or full of life, is a courtesan social climber in Ancient Rome.
What do you think Márquez is doing with this novella? There is a censor within the story who serves as a sometimes-antagonist of our main character. Is Márquez playing the same game with his writing? Early in the novel he leans into a Lolita plot. Here he imagines a ghost of Delgadina helping him clean his house after a storm:

la recordaba a ella despierta con su trajecito de flores recibiendo los libros para ponerlos a salvo. La veía correr de un lado al otro de la casa batallando con la tormenta, empapada de lluvia con el agua a los tobillos. Recordaba cómo preparó al día siguiente un desayuno que nunca fue, y puso la mesa mientras yo secaba los pisos y ponía orden en el naufragio de la casa.

Then Márquez suggests a Pretty Woman plot. Here an old partner of the narrator tells him to fight for love.

Así que vete a buscar ahora mismo a esa pobre criatura aunque sea verdad lo que te dicen los celos, sea como sea, que lo bailado no te lo quita nadie. Pero eso sí, sin romanticismos de abuelo. Despiértala, tíratela hasta por las orejas con esa pinga de burro con que te premió el diablo por tu cobardía y tu mezquindad. En serio, terminó con el alma: no te vayas a morir sin probar la maravilla de tirar con amor.

Finally we settle on a Death of Ivan Ilyich plot, as the narrator loses bodily and mental faculties:

A principios de julio sentí la distancia real de la muerte. Mi corazón perdió el paso y empecé a ver y sentir por todos lados los presagios inequívocos del final.

If we want to accept the Ilyich reading, how much of the narration do we interpret as senile fantasy? Are the madame and/or Delgadina taking him for a ride as the Lozana reference might suggest? Can we even believe that his column regained the interest of the public?
Some questions: What do you think of Márquez in specific and magical realism as a literary device? And what do you think of his symbolic universe? Here again we get the moon, yellow flowers, house decay, caged birds, shadowy political bigwigs, shady back alleys, ancient texts, and musical allusions. Does the core relationship achieve a kind of warmth through them? Or does it only make it more unsettling?
If you have any thoughts on the role of art in addressing transgressive subject matter, this might be a good place to talk about it. When is it justified and when is it gratuitous? Does this work clear the bar?

Un d0nk3y show es un show donde un burro (u otro animal como un caballo) y una mujer hacen cosas, las leyendas urbanas cuenta que se hacían durante el siglo XX en las ciudades fronterizas de México, aunque supongo que seguirán existiendo, basicamente un prostibulo de zofilicos. En una parte de la canción dice "y su caballo Henry con lucecitas de colores! Y luego dice "Y siempre también la actuación ocasional de la presiosa (inentendible) que es violad0 por los niños y nad1e lo toma a mal" esto entiende que es un caballo en una especie de puticlub, lo cual es un d0nkey show

Antes de nada, nací bajo un techo de lamina, soy el hijo de un albañil, tuve que dejar los estudios a los 15 años para poder pagar los estudios de mi hermana, después del fallecimiento de una de mis tias mis padres adoptaron a mis dos primos, hace unas semanas mi padre murió, con eso dicho, continuo.
La gente suele culpar al sistema, se vuctumizan, se aferran a la idea de que si su vida es una mierda no es por culpa suya o sus decisiones, es por qué "el sistema los quiere pobres". No, que tú gastes tu dinero en un teléfono nuevo, ropa cara, comida innecesaria, alcohol, fiestas y demás basura no es culpa del sistema. Quejarte de que otros nacieron con más oportunidades es solo más estúpido, cómo puedes ser tan imbécil como para creer que el hijo del tipo que se mató trabajando no merece tener tantas oportunidades? Quien te Cres que eres para quejarte de que el jefe prefirió poner a su hijo en el puesto de gente? Claro que hara eso, no solo porque confía más en el, si no también porque es su hijo, claro que lo va apoyar.
"Yo trabajo como un burro y no eh conseguido mis objetivos" dicho por alguien que trabaja 10 horas al día durante dos años, adivina que ? Eso apenas y es el mínimo, me ah tocado trabajar hasta 15 horas al día, de lunes a domingo, comer latas de atún y agua de grifo para ahorrar, conseguir 20 k para invertir y quedar sin nada, y eso está bien¿Sabes porque? Porque es lo justo, así son las reglas, repetir el proceso hasta tres veces, finalmente triunfar y trabajar el doble de duro que antes para aprovechar esta oportunidad, que dicen las personas "de seguro anda metido en la maña, ¿si no como gana tanto dinero?" No flojo de mierrda, arriesge más que nadie y finalmente di una, de eso trata el capitalismo, y se que esto apenas es una baba.
En conclusión, Diego Ruzzarin ah echo mucho daño.

Hace un tiempo estuve rentando un depa junto con un primo, pero el vato estaba bien pinche loco sexual, seguido llegaba con lavacoches, inditos, morritos vendechicles, indigentes y hasta centroamericanos de las vías del tren. Mi primo, muy buen samaritano, les daba de tragar, los dejaba bañarse, o hasta les rolaba ropa o tenis; todo eso a cambio de cojer o mínimo dejarse mamar la riata.
Admito que al principio no me gustaba mucho la idea, y prefería encerrarme en mi cuarto oyendo música, fumarme un porro o lo que fuera, menos oler a los vagabundos. Pero mi primo iba trayendo weyes más cabrones, yonkis, dementes maltripeados y pues me pedía que lo cuidara por si se ponían agresivos, además que él se apendejaba bastante con los poppers jajaja. Acepté de mala gana, aunque le fui agarrando el gusto y el morbo de ver a cabrones de la calle cojerse sin condón a mi primo.
Una vez, estando yo en la cocina, llegó mi primo y me dio un tufo culerisimo pero cabrooon. Ya pensaba yo que se había traído un cadáver o algo así, cuando me asomo y trajo al pinche vagabundo mas pinche yonki llevado a la verga que se pueden imaginar. Todo mugroso, piojoso, con el pelo hecho rastas como de mugre y mierda, tembloroso con la mirada perdida, y con una chamarra dura de tanta suciedad.
Le dimos una maruchan al wey, y mientras tragaba le dije a mi primo "numaaa te pasas de cabron" y nomas me dice "jaja ya se". En eso el vato este se mete la mano a la chamarra y agarro mi fusca por si las moscas. Pero nel, el wey nomas saca una pinche ratota muerta toda tiesa, la empapa de tiner y se pone a inhalarla como estopa. Yo dije "numaaa que pex?!", y mi primo ya estaba bien caliente, como que le prendió esa chingadera y se aventó así a mamarle la verga, sin siquiera bañarlo.
El mugroso estaba ahí de patas abiertas inhalando su ratota, mientras mi primo le quitó el pantalón todo mugriento, y le sacó la verga. La neta la tenía enorme, quizá hasta estuviera rica sin todas esas capas de esmegma ni las ladillas que adornaban sus rastas púbicas. Mi primo se tragaba toda la riata y yo no sabia si excitarme o vomitar, así que opté por fumarme unos porritos.
Mi primo, todo caliente, se desnudó por completo y le ofreció el culo al malviviente, quien sin pensárselo se puso a mamarselo. El pasivote de mi primo estaba en pleno éxtasis, en un estado de trance al sentir su culo mimado por el hocico del indigente. No tardó mucho el vato en ensartarle su macanota, toda dura y sin condón, haciendo gemir y gritar a mi primo como puta en celo, todo entrado en los poppers.
Estaban en el mete y saca, cuando el wey saca su rata, le da un jalón profundo y toma que se la mete en el ano a mi primazo numaaa. Y dale que se lo sigue cojiendo más duro, empujandole la rata al recto. Una cojida cada vez más brutal, y luego de un rato ya el culo de mi primo escurriendo de mecos. El cabron este luego de sacar su riata ya aguada, se chinga lo último de la maruchan y me empieza a gritar. No se ni que vergas balbuceaba, y ya andaba yo bien mariguas, así que nomas le apunté con la fusca y lo mandé corriendito a chingar a su padre. El vato salió todo escamado que ni tiempo tuvo de ponerse los pantalones jajaja. Y pos yo me quedé ahí dormido.
Al rato me despierto con los gritos y quejidos de mi puto primo. Estaba chille y chille que le dolía el culo y las tripas, ni se acordaba de todo lo que le hizo su amante. Yo de buena onda lo ayude para llevarlo al baño, que acabara de cagar los mecos atorados y numaaa que le sale la pinche rata del culo, pero toda despedazada y llena de gusanos. Mi primo casi se desmaya del susto y me pidió que lo llevara a la clínica pa que le hicieran un lavado jajaja pero bien valiente que se sentía en su calentura jeje es neta.

Buenas tardes reddit, les hago una linda consulta para que se entretengan.
El día 30/04 iba camino a mi laburo con mi vehículo (moto) más o menos a 3-4 cuadras de mi laburo un auto me impacta (para hacer el cuento corto yo llevo las de ganar. habían señales de pare, loma de burro, etc). El que me chocó tiene todo en regla y tengo los datos necesarios.
Cuestión, un compañero me dió el num. Llame y me dijo que mi vehículo no vale lo mismo y que psicológicamente no estoy bien por el accidente y que todo eso se puede reclamar. Le dije que lo pensaría y que después hablaría con él, me dice son un estudio que agilizan todo el proceso para que yo me lleve una buena suma por los daños, cuestión que corté, a los 30min me llama y ahí acepté verbalmente y un pdf que me dijo que firmara. Casi que decía "firma Shrek firma"
No me terminan de dar confianza, los busco por maps y tienen 1 opinión (de 3) que dice que no son éticos porque cobran 30% a la gente que no sabe (lo normal es el 20% al parecer)
Quiero saber si continuo con ellos por qué como bien dice ellos están pidiendo un 30% ya yo suministre fotos de los vehículos y datos.
Sí de alguna manera yo quisiera dejar de hacer el trámite con ellos antes de firmar frente al escribano se puede?
(No puedo poner el PDF que firme por el límite de carcteres) al final dice: La "firma digital" de documentos se encuentra amparada en los términos de la ley 25506.
no se burlen, pueden tener un hijo igual.