Back titration aspirin hydrolysis

I’m a little confused about preeclampsia. I would appreciate some insight!
I’m 27 years old FTM at 33 weeks and 3 days. Around 28 weeks, I started experiencing slightly swollen feet and hands but it wasn’t too bad. In week 30, I suddenly started feeling sudden extreme fatigue, nausea, and dizziness that never went away. My first and second trimesters were very mild in terms of these symptoms. I messaged my OB, and the nurse had me up my hydration and keep track of my blood pressure that stayed around the 115-130/70-80 range over the course of 2 days. Still didn’t feel great. Nurse said that my blood pressure seems to be stable and that I’m experiencing normal pregnancy symptoms.
Fast forward to yesterday, I went on a one-mile walk around the neighborhood. Towards the end of the walk, my hands started swelling up really bad to the point that I couldn’t bend my fingers/close my hand. My arms felt heavy and it was extremely uncomfortable. I got home and sat on the couch for a few minutes to see if it would go down, and then I called the after-hours nurse line.
While I was waiting for the call back I took my blood pressure, it was 114/90. It was about 5 minutes later when they called me back. I explained the situation and she said it can be normal, especially since the heat and humidity have picked up, but it could also be a sign of preeclampsia. She had me take my blood pressure again and it was 140/88. She said that was a little high. She had me lay on my left side and wanted me to take my blood pressure again with the cuff on my right arm. It was 140/93. She was concerned with that number and said that I might need to come in to get checked. She talked a bit about preeclampsia and what it meant. Then, she had me take my BP again about 2 minutes later on my side and it came out to be 122/63.
She asked if I had any other symptoms like blurry vision/vision changes or a headache. I told her that I had a very dull headache that has been going on for a few days but it wasn’t awful. And that I hadn’t taken anything for it yet. She said that I didn’t need to come in but to be on modified bed rest for the next few days, watch out for those symptoms, and continue to monitor my BP. She also told me to take baby aspirin once a day. She told me to call back if something changes, and to call my OB’s nurse line on Monday to see if they would like me to come in sooner (next appointment is on Friday).
Since then, my BP has been 122/79 before bed, 106/67 in the morning, and 132/86 in the afternoon. Headache has gotten a little worse today and I plan to take Tylenol here in a bit.
A few other things I should note: I’ve been experiencing shortness of breath when I get in that deep fatigue/nausea/dizziness. I have some pain in my right rib cage but nothing excruciating - feels worse when I lay on the right side.
I’ll be calling my nurse line in the morning, but would appreciate some insight. I’m slightly confused about preeclampsia.
Can blood pressure spikes/sudden swelling like this be a one-off thing? Can you have normal BP readings majority of the time with a few spikes but have preeclampsia? What is considered blurry vision? Sometimes my eyes feel out of focused/heavy/tired with a headache. What should I be bringing up with my nurse phone call tomorrow that might be helpful?
Any other insight would be greatly appreciated!

Xposted in wls too
Hi! I'm 36F, 5'5, with HW 330, CW 275, GW 150. BMI 46. My insurance will cover VSG or RNY. Originally I was pretty set on VSG, but after some reading I am having second thoughts. My dr says I can expect to lose 80-100 lbs with VSG, so GW 175. At the time, I was ok with that, but tbh Id rather be 150ish, and I'm really concerned with whether VSG can get me there or not, given my history.
Long backstory.. ive been overweight my entire life. I have hashimotos and pcos. My hashi's has been under control for some time with meds. Pcos I only have physical symptoms and (according to labs) no insulin resistance or Diabetes. About 12 yrs ago I was 330ish lbs and got serious about my weight loss. I did weight watchers, south beach diet, keto, zumba, gym, you name it. The weight wasn't coming off fast enough, so i became anorexic and started going to the gym twice a day. My lowest wt was 160. Even then, I was losing maybe 7lbs a month. Once I started eating again, the weight came right back with a vengeance. I gained 90 lbs. I got married and we tried to conceive, but we were not successful, so fertility treatments (medicated TI & IUI) ensued. Those failed, and i decided to pursue ivf. Prior to ivf i got down to 209 lbs but it took strict keto, < 1200 cals/day, and working out at the gym about 4 hrs a week (cardio and strength training). My ivf also failed, so over the course of the next 9 months id had 2 different laparoscopic surgeries for endometriosis, and more ivf. I finally got pregnant, and ballooned to 278 lbs before my daughter was born. I did not lose weight when she was born either. I had a traumatic CS and my incision didn't heal immediately so i couldn't work out for awhile. I stayed 278 for 2 years. I tried exercise, keto, everything that worked before, no luck. I then tried phentermine and qsymia added on to that. I lost absolutely nothing.. still.. and developed cholecystitis so i had laparoscopic gallbladder removal. Over the next 3 yrs I tried contrave (even though i don't binge eat), and alli too. I finally got to the point that i went under 1000 cals a day and exercised like crazy just in desperation to stsrt losing again. I also did phentermine again. I got down to 236 but it took a long time. In jan 2023 i had a 4th laparoscopic surgery, for endometriosis again. I did ivf last april and got pregnant with my son. I didn't gain much weight in that pregnancy at first because i was counting calories (1500) and exercising, but then i developed cervical insufficiency, requiring an emergency cerclage procedure, so no more exercise allowed. I got right back up to 278 when my son was born via CS in dec 2023. I'm 4m postpartum and still holding that weight. Im eating 1200-1400 cal a day, low carbs, and exercising 150 min a week (spinning on peloton + strength). I quit breastfeeding my son partly because i felt like it wasn't allowing me to lose weight, but ive still only lost a few lbs since i quit that. I tried to get zepbound and wegovy, but insurance denied them multiple times. I just had lab work done, and I'm the healthiest fat person ever. No cholesterol issues, diabetes, nothing. I just cannot understand why i can't lose weight without extreme measures, and even then, the wt loss is slow af.
I just met with the dietician at my surgeon's office for metabolic testing. No surprise, my metabolism is slower than it should be. She said in order to lose a lb a week, id need to continue exercise and eat 1300 cals a day or less. Except.. I'm doing that now and not really losing a lb a week. At this point I'm just tired. I can't keep going like this. Hence why I'm pursuing wls. My biggest concern is whether or not this will fail too. I was concerned about VSG not giving me the weight loss i want, but at the same time, I'm scared of RNY absorption issues (particularly with ivf meds and aspirin that i have to take if i try for another baby in a few yrs) and other complications. My insurance will cover vsg to rny revision too, so i thought maybe try VSG and then revise in a year if I'm not happy, but Id need to meet criteria for coverage (over 40 bmi, or severe GERD).
TLDR; I want to lose about 125lbs, but pcos and thyroid issues have always given me trouble, even with an ED and overexercising. Now I'm worried wls will fail me too, and i can't pick between vsg or rny. Suggestions? Id love opinions/pov's from others who have been in this same boat too!
If you've made it this far, you're the real MVP.

Hi! I'm 36F, 5'5, with HW 330, CW 275, GW 150. BMI 46. My insurance will cover VSG or RNY. Originally I was pretty set on VSG, but after some reading I am having second thoughts. My dr says I can expect to lose 80-100 lbs with VSG, so GW 175. At the time, I was ok with that, but tbh Id rather be 150ish, and I'm really concerned with whether VSG can get me there or not, given my history.
Long backstory.. ive been overweight my entire life. I have hashimotos and pcos. My hashi's has been under control for some time with meds. Pcos I only have physical symptoms and (according to labs) no insulin resistance or Diabetes. About 12 yrs ago I was 330ish lbs and got serious about my weight loss. I did weight watchers, south beach diet, keto, zumba, gym, you name it. The weight wasn't coming off fast enough, so i became anorexic and started going to the gym twice a day. My lowest wt was 160. Even then, I was losing maybe 7lbs a month. Once I started eating again, the weight came right back with a vengeance. I gained 90 lbs. I got married and we tried to conceive, but we were not successful, so fertility treatments (medicated TI & IUI) ensued. Those failed, and i decided to pursue ivf. Prior to ivf i got down to 209 lbs but it took strict keto, < 1200 cals/day, and working out at the gym about 4 hrs a week (cardio and strength training). My ivf also failed, so over the course of the next 9 months id had 2 different laparoscopic surgeries for endometriosis, and more ivf. I finally got pregnant, and ballooned to 278 lbs before my daughter was born. I did not lose weight when she was born either. I had a traumatic CS and my incision didn't heal immediately so i couldn't work out for awhile. I stayed 278 for 2 years. I tried exercise, keto, everything that worked before, no luck. I then tried phentermine and qsymia added on to that. I lost absolutely nothing.. still.. and developed cholecystitis so i had laparoscopic gallbladder removal. Over the next 3 yrs I tried contrave (even though i don't binge eat), and alli too. I finally got to the point that i went under 1000 cals a day and exercised like crazy just in desperation to stsrt losing again. I also did phentermine again. I got down to 236 but it took a long time. In jan 2023 i had a 4th laparoscopic surgery, for endometriosis again. I did ivf last april and got pregnant with my son. I didn't gain much weight in that pregnancy at first because i was counting calories (1500) and exercising, but then i developed cervical insufficiency, requiring an emergency cerclage procedure, so no more exercise allowed. I got right back up to 278 when my son was born via CS in dec 2023. I'm 4m postpartum and still holding that weight. Im eating 1200-1400 cal a day, low carbs, and exercising 150 min a week (spinning on peloton + strength). I quit breastfeeding my son partly because i felt like it wasn't allowing me to lose weight, but ive still only lost a few lbs since i quit that. I tried to get zepbound and wegovy, but insurance denied them multiple times. I just had lab work done, and I'm the healthiest fat person ever. No cholesterol issues, diabetes, nothing. I just cannot understand why i can't lose weight without extreme measures, and even then, the wt loss is slow af.
I just met with the dietician at my surgeon's office for metabolic testing. No surprise, my metabolism is slower than it should be. She said in order to lose a lb a week, id need to continue exercise and eat 1300 cals a day or less. Except.. I'm doing that now and not really losing a lb a week. At this point I'm just tired. I can't keep going like this. Hence why I'm pursuing wls. My biggest concern is whether or not this will fail too. I was concerned about VSG not giving me the weight loss i want, but at the same time, I'm scared of RNY absorption issues (particularly with ivf meds and aspirin that i have to take if i try for another baby in a few yrs) and other complications. My insurance will cover vsg to rny revision too, so i thought maybe try VSG and then revise in a year if I'm not happy, but Id need to meet criteria for coverage (over 40 bmi, or severe GERD).
TLDR; I want to lose about 125lbs, but pcos and thyroid issues have always given me trouble, even with an ED and overexercising. Now I'm worried wls will fail me too, and i can't pick between vsg or rny. Suggestions? Id love opinions/pov's from others who have been in this same boat too!
If you've made it this far, you're the real MVP.

I am 33 weeks and 3 days. Starting around 28 weeks I started developing slightly swollen feet and hands but it wasn’t too bad. In week 30, I suddenly started feeling sudden extreme fatigue, nausea, and dizziness that never went away. My first and second trimesters were very mild in terms of these symptoms. I messaged my OB, and the nurse had me up my hydration and keep track of my blood pressure that stayed around the 115-130/70-80 range over the course of 2 days. Still didn’t feel great. Nurse said that my blood pressure seems to be stable and that I’m experiencing normal pregnancy symptoms.
Fast forward to yesterday, I went on a one-mile walk around the neighborhood. Towards the end of the walk, my hands started swelling up really bad to the point that I couldn’t close my hand/make a fist. My arms felt heavy and it was extremely uncomfortable. I got home and sat on the couch for a few minutes to see if it would go down, and then I called the after-hours nurse line.
While I was waiting for the call back I took my blood pressure, it was 114/90. It was about 5 minutes later when they called me back. I explained the situation and she said it can be normal, especially since the heat and humidity have picked up, but it could also be a sign of preeclampsia. She had me take my blood pressure again and it was 140/88. She said that was a little high. She had me lay on my left side and wanted me to take my blood pressure again with the cuff on my right arm. It was 140/93. She was concerned with that number and said that I might need to come in to get checked. She talked a bit about preeclampsia and what it meant. Then, she had me take my BP again about 2 minutes later on my side and it came out to be 122/63.
She asked if I had any other symptoms like blurry vision/vision changes or a headache. I told her that I had a very dull headache that has been going on for a few days but it wasn’t awful. And that I hadn’t taken anything for it yet. She said that I didn’t need to come in but to be on modified bed rest for the next few days, watch out for those symptoms, and continue to monitor my BP. She also told me to take baby aspirin once a day. She told me to call back if something changes, and to call my OB’s nurse line on Monday to see if they would like me to come in sooner (next appointment is on Friday).
Since then, my BP has been 122/79 before bed, 106/67 in the morning, and 132/86 in the afternoon. Headache has gotten a little worse today and I plan to take Tylenol here in a bit.
I’ll be calling with my nurse line in the morning, but would appreciate some insight. I’m slightly confused about preeclampsia.
Can blood pressure spikes/sudden swelling like this be a one-off thing? Can you have normal BP readings majority of the time but have preeclampsia? What is considered blurry vision? Sometimes my eyes feel out of focused/heavy/tired especially as a headache comes on, but that tends to happen generally when I get a headache. What should I be bringing up with my nurse phone call tomorrow that might be helpful?
Any other insight would be greatly appreciated!

Hello! (F19) This is my first day on Elvanse 30mg. I did feel like my thoughts were clearer than usual and I found it easier to start tasks. Focussing also didn't feel like a terrible thing I had to do and I didn't feel as lethargic as usual (+ no irrational anxiety or depressive thoughts yippee). However I still get easily distracted and zone out + my forgetfulness is still there so I don't know if this is the right dose for me. I know this is literally the first day but this is what I've noted down.
My problem is that now is around about the time that it should wear off if we stick to the 12 hour recommendation (I forgot to make a note of when my symptoms seemed to get worse becasue I don't think the concentration got worse as there wasn't much of it in the first place if that makes sense).
Now reading some threads I've realised I've messed up by not keeping track of how much water I'm drinking but I've definitely tried drinking more lately and I believe I'm hydrated?? I had a headache yesterday which I noted down to either poor sleep or the poor weather. So I just assumed this headache was for the same reasons today. It started around 5-6pm and I took some aspirin but that didn't do anything. About 2 hours ago it got super bad to an extent I've never had a headache before, I want to cry it hurts so bad and is making me very slightly nauseous. I don't know what to do because I already took the pain relief.
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But anyway! I thought hey, what if this might be something to do with the medicine wearing off so I just wanted to see if this is something that happens?
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I believe I've read about crashes and adjusting to it which I guess makes sense because this is my first time being prescribed medicine that would impact the chemicals in my brain or whatever.
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If this is the case, how long will I have to live like this? (as in headaches because of crashes rather than a permanent headache god forbid). I'm currently at uni and I have deadlines (!) And won't meet my Psychiatrist until next month.
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Also, if anybody has advice about the titration period and what I should be aware of and make notes of please share I would be super grateful :) I really want to do this correctly
I really wanted this day to go great and do the majority of my work but I feel like I did less work than usual lol.
I apologise this post is all over the place but this headache is really something

Following the schedule I was on 2.5 for 4 weeks with a loss of 11lb. Titrated up to 5mg, the side effects have been out of control. Sulphur burps, diarrhoea, vomiting, stomach cramps. I’ve barely eaten since Tuesday, which is injection day.
Can I go back to 2.5? Can I do that with my 5mg kwikpen? Injection day is quickly coming around and I honestly don’t want to do it

I’ve seen a few of these posts but nothing specifically asking for advice on how to ramp up from 5-10mg by delaying shots.
4 weeks 2.5mg = lost 14 pounds, no side effects accept 1 day of nausea and tiredness day after weekly shots. Food hunger came back on day 3.
2 weeks 5mg = lost another 7 pounds, more nausea but manageable. Week 2 shot was definitely more intense because of half life.
I was lucky enough to get my dr to prescribe me both 7.5 and 10 due to the shortage and I found 10 within a day after calling 8+ locations. I have it sitting in my fridge but I’m terrified. Titrating up is supposed to start in 2 weeks.
I think I could stay on 5mg for a while but it’s a unicorn right now. I think 7.5 would be OK but 10 is def gonna make me sick. I would like to figure out how to space out the dosage to be the least impactful to hunger but also minimize sickness. Anyone done this before? Thinking something like space out 5mg to 10 days, space out 10mg to 15 days…
Side note: I don’t want to do plan D - I’m just too much of a rule follower 😂. I don’t want to do plan C- my insurance covers me for Zep . I’ve also asked my doctors to submit 5 and 7.5 asap and see if I can get them filled in the next 2 weeks x

A club I belong to holds a monthly friendly competition shoot limited to .22LR where the targets are: Apirin tabs at 50 yards, Tums at 100 yards, then small steel targets at 150 and 200 yards. I have considered several similarly-priced, or less expensive 22LRs rifles like Tikka, CZ and Ruger PR but have found myself coming back to the Bergara with its strong reviews. I think the Bergara at around $1000 is the limit of my budget on the rifle itself. I also do not plan to change the body. I may consider a trigger upgrade in the future.
This is the setup I am considering to give this competition a try:
—RIFLE: Bergara B14R Steel Right Hand—
—SCOPE: Athlon Optics Argos BTR Gen II 10-40X56mm BLR—
—RAIL: This is where I need some help. Was thinking 30MOA 700 series but not entirely sure –
—RING: Undecided—
—BIPOD: Harris Bipod on swivel mounted to sling swivel—
—MUZZLE DEVICE: None for competition but will put my DA Mask on it for my range days—
I am open to any advice. Thank you.
Edit - I can't spell Aspirin...

So my son who turned 4 in February and started showing signs of absent seizures about a year and a half ago. We got in with a neurologist and they started him on ethosuxamide to see if it helped. It seemed to help a little but didn't stop them. He started to regress, which is so hard to watch, and his behavior started to change with him becoming very angry. His first eeg showed that he had focal seizures and the doctor put him on keppra which basically turned my son manic and he stopped taking it within a couple days. The neurologist then started him on clonazepam which seemed to work, he was still not back to what I would consider "normal" for him but the regression stopped and he seemed to be more emotionally regulated (what you would expect from a 3/4 year old) and was learning and playing more.
Fastforward 7 months and over the last few weeks his behavior had gotten worse and he began talking about the "monster" that came back and we noticed seizure activity again along with the regression like randomly peeing on the floor when he has been potty trained before he was 3, wanting a pacifier which he hasn't since he was 2 and starting to have issues with speech and forming sentences. It seemed to get bad so fast but I was able to get him in to see his neurologist and we did another 24 hour eeg a few days ago. After explaining the behaviors and signs I was seeing from my son, before the eeg, the neurologist put him on briviact. So my son is now taking ethosuxamide, clonazepam and titrating onto briviact. After the first day or two on briviact it seemed like he started to get a little better but then the last two days his behavior has gotten worse with outbursts of anger.
I work in the medical field and my wife is a therapist and we are both at a point of confusion as how to help our son. I guess I am just wondering if anyone has experienced the influx in behavior issues with their child while titrating on briviact? He starts his full dose in 2 days so I am hoping maybe the full amount will help him. I am also wondering if he is just exhausted from the medications, we were basically told that he has a high chance of being diagnosed with adhd because of the seizures so we have gone back and forth with this being more behavioral than seizure driven but I feel like he would be regulated better emotionally with the clonazepam if it were that. We are also to the point where we may go find a different neurologist for another opinion if the briviact doesn't help him. My wife and I are so distraught by this and just want him to be a happy little boy.

I placed my first order with Emerge yesterday. I have a script from my PCP for Zepbound 7.5 which is my first titration up from 5. I provided them a copy of the script but as its the weekend there is no one there to text with right now. How responsive are they? I have one shot from my last box of 5ml left and I'm on day 8 of my latest dose so I'll probably take my last shot tonight. Hoping that I'll have meds within the next week. Are they known to push back or will they send my 7.5? Nervous, LOL. Had to go to plan C with all the shortages.

Part 1
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/16hw52t/i_worked_as_an_iceroad_trucker_in_russia_along/
Part 2
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/16k0p69/i_worked_as_an_iceroad_trucker_in_russia_along/
While conditions seemed bad right now, with the truck stuck like it was, I gave thanks that at least the engine started without issue. At times, it got so cold in Siberia that the engines would fail to start. The temperature had started to increase, however, and outside the wind had died down. The snow had stopped, and looking at the thermometer I kept on the outside of the truck, I saw that it was “only” -5 degrees Fahrenheit now. I cursed, putting on many layers while I sat in the truck’s driver seat, the little girl sitting between me and Yakov on an empty bucket she had turned upside-down. She didn’t seem affected by the cold at all. She had probably grown up in far worse.
“What are you doing?” the girl said with widening eyes, watching me. I looked at her, shaking my head.
“Obviously, we have to go get your sister,” I said.
“No!” she said. “I’m not going back there! Never! I will never go back to that place!” She started to cry. “The legs… the fence… the ovens… the cages… you have no idea how horrible it is!”
“Calm down,” I said. “You have to lead us back towards the hut. You probably won’t have to go in. We just need to get your sister and come back, then we can leave. What’s your name?”
“Irina,” she said.
“That’s a very pretty name,” Yakov said. “My name is Yakov, and this is Nikolai. We’re the good guys. We can fight off that witch and bring your sister home. If we do nothing, your sister will die. You know that.” Irina nodded, wiping her eyes. Bundled up in her layers of clothing with a fur jacket on the outside, she looked almost like a little eskimo sitting here in my truck. I repressed the crazy urge to laugh at the image, remembering what was happening.
“Let’s do this,” I said, getting out of the truck. I grabbed more ammo from the glovebox, and saw Yakov grabbing some bullets from the satchel of random goods he carried around with him in a leather skin. He left the rest of his possessions in the truck, folding the leather carefully back over them and tying it with a cord.
It felt eerie, like the dawn before a major battle. I had goosebumps all over my body, and not just from the cold. The idea of going up against an infamous witch, an ogress, a child-eating monster- well, it didn’t raise my confidence. Though this happened years ago, I still remember that terrible feeling- as if everything had been leading up to this point, and now everything stood still, watching.
I had heard legends of Baba Yaga growing up, how Satan had taken twelve women who were murderers and criminals, thrown their bodies in a pot together, mixed it up- and out came Baba Yaga. Of course, I scoffed at such myths now that I was older. But seeing her there had made me question many things.
Irina went out first, not minding the cold at all, her breath coming out in steamy plumes. Yakov and I had flashlights from the truck, jumping down behind her. Their light came out dimly, but it gave enough lumination on the white snow to see. The clouds had started to part, and the Moon had come out in the sky, looking down on us like a single blind eye- like the cataract-ridden eye of Baba Yaga I had seen earlier.
As we started walking across the M56 and into the woods, that shrill, gurgling shriek came ringing out again. I knew Baba Yaga was close, likely even watching us. She might attack at any moment.
We walked further down the trail, a winding deer trail only a couple feet wide, with branches that would smack me in the face and rocks to trip over every few steps. Just as I turned to Yakov to say that we may have lost her, she attacked.
I saw a blur, then an intense pain in my side as she tackled me, knocking me quickly to the snowy ground. I kept a death-grip on my gun, smacking my head against a tree trunk- and the world went white. I drifted in and out of consciousness for a few moments, or perhaps it was longer. Time got strange. As if from a great distance, I heard gunshots and more screaming- then my vision started to return, and I focused.
I saw Yakov crouched on the ground, holding his left hand tightly. I saw a fountain of blood running over his gloves, staining the snow in strange droplets and splotches, like a Rorschach inkblot made by a serial killer.
I tried to sit up, but a lightning bolt of pain seared my brain. I groaned, raising my hand to my head. I felt something sticky on my scalp, and pulling my hand back, I saw it covered in blood. It felt warm and wet, running down from the right side of my scalp and showing no signs of slowing. I felt nauseated and weak for a second, seeing all that blood, how it stained my clothes and the snow below me. I took a few deep breaths, in and out, slowly concentrating and steadying myself. My hand still trembled, and my legs felt like jelly as I tried to stand, but I leaned against the tree and let the waves of weakness and nausea pass by.
Yakov wasn’t doing much better. He was hyperventilating, staring in shock at his spurting hand. His left thumb looked like it was mostly or entirely gone.
“We’ve… got to put pressure…” I said slowly, gulping air. “...on the wound. And ice and snow.” I began to tear a strip from one of my shirts, then walked slowly over to Yakov on unsteady legs. I looked into his eyes. They looked dark and tortured, and he quickly looked away, tears forming in his eyes from the shock and pain. Irina sat next to him on a log, and she watched in horror, looking away whenever she noticed the blood.
“Let’s do this,” I said. “Ready?” He nodded weakly. I pulled the strip of cloth around the hole where his thumb used to, running it around his hand in circles, tightening it. He screamed. I gave him a piece of wood to bite down on, and pulled it even tighter. I saw teeth marks forming deep in the wood, a solid branch one inch in diameter I had snapped in half. His breath came in and out so fast, I thought for sure he would pass out. But he kept with me. Soon I had pressure on the wound, and the bleeding had slowed considerably.
I repeated the process with my head, wrapping more strips of cloth around the bloody scalp wound and pulling. I gritted my teeth, but the pain wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought, except for the crushing migraine. More than anything, I just felt weak, and waves of nausea kept assailing me. Splotches would rise in my vision, black dots that seemed to precede passing out, but I would sit down quickly and, after a few minutes, I had regained most of my strength.
“Let’s keep going,” I said weakly. Irina stood next to Yakov, looking petrified.
“I don’t want to go,” Irina said stubbornly. “Please don’t make me go.”
“Irina,” I sighed. “Your sister might die if we turn around. We have no choice.”
“I’m too scared,” she said. “You have no idea how bad it is there. You can’t imagine.” But after a few minutes of convincing, she continued to lead us- a ragtag group of injured men and a child, limping through the thick snow in the freezing cold.
We walked for an hour in silence, the little girl following her tracks, looking for landmarks she had passed when she had escaped the first time. She had grown up in the woods, most likely, and her family must have taught her much. I was worried about freezing to death, but then I started to notice my body growing warmer. I thought, perhaps, it was simply the first sign of hypothermia.
And yet, as we walked, I noticed changes in the forest. It actually had gotten warmer; it wasn’t just in my mind. Soon the snow had all gone. I looked around and noticed the trees were all dead, their naked arms extending up to the sky. I had to take off a jacket, then a sweater too. I saw the others doing the same, sweating as it warmed up. A fog began to roll in, covering the whole area.
“This is the space between the world of the living and the dead,” Irina said in her sweet child’s voice. It made the statement all the more horrible. “The hut is near here. This is the border of her home.” Through the mist, I swore I could see faces appearing and disappearing, the horror-stricken visages of children and eternally grinning skulls.
Soon, we came to a clearing. All the trees stopped in a large circle, a few hundred feet in diameter. In horror, I looked at what lay beyond.
A fence surrounded the property, made of children’s bones. It extended high up, at least twenty feet, countless arm and leg bones stacked one on another, bound together with twine and braced with more bones attached vertically against the others. I saw no gaps bigger than an inch, and no way to climb it. Looking at the top, I saw pieces of sharpened bones sticking up, like some razor wire from Hell. Irina shook at my side, and she grasped my hand suddenly, her small body exuding a strength that seemed beyond her physical abilities. I smiled down at her, smoothing her long, black hair with my right hand. I felt almost entirely recovered from my earlier concussion, though my head still pounded in time with the beat of my heart. I wished I had brought some aspirin.
“How do we get in?” Irina asked, taking off another sweater and hanging it over her shoulder. I had absolutely no idea.
“Let’s look around,” I said. We began to circle the fence, walking along the circumference of the clearing. I could see a hut beyond through the small gaps.
After a minute, we came to the gate. It stood twenty-feet-tall, like the rest of the fence, and would be almost impossible to scale. Unlike the rest of the fence, the gate had been fashioned entirely from skulls. I saw all the small skulls stacked one on top of another. As I imagined how many children had died to build just this macabre gate, a feeling of sickness and dread washed over me.
Sticking out of the front of it, in the exact center, I saw a larger skull. It looked like that of a man. In its open mouth, I saw a silver keyhole. In anger, I tried shaking the gate- and it came swinging open, totally silent.
“It’s open,” Yakov said, amazed. I looked at him.
“This feels like a trap,” I said. He nodded. Irina hid behind Yakov now, not wanting to look at the eternally grinning skulls stacked in front of her, bound together with some sort of invisible glue.
I looked through the gate at the hut beyond. My breath caught in my throat.
It stood on two massive legs. The feet looked like those of a chicken, but the legs loomed ten feet above the ground, where they somehow attached to the hut, holding it up suspended in the air. They were skeletal, all the flesh and muscle long ago wasted away.
“Are those chicken legs?” Yakov asked, his voice low. I felt eyes on me. I looked back into the forest, but I saw no one.
“Who the hell knows?” I asked. “But where do you get a chicken that’s the size of an elephant? Or bigger?”
“From Hell?” he asked. I laughed.
“You think they have massive chickens in Hell, just going around pecking at the Hell grains?” I said. He smiled.
“I don’t know, and I don’t want to find out. Let’s do this.” We began to walk forwards into the clearing. I could see the circular hut more clearly now. An inner light burned, sending out a fiery, red glow through the windows. Unlike the rest of this horrible place, it looked like the hut was actually built of wood and stone. It had a quaint look, like the hut of an ancient serf. The top of it met in a point, with thatch and twigs carefully aligned to form a rounded dome. The windows were lined with stones. Trunks of dead trees formed the main construction material, pressed one against the next, stacked vertically in a perfect circle. They had their branches cut off, their bark stripped, the wood ground down to a smooth, uniform texture.
“My sister is in there,” Irina whispered. “Please don’t make me go back. Please. You don’t know what they do in there. What she does in there.” I grabbed her hand.
“Irina, we can’t leave you behind,” I said. “I think we’re being watched. I’m sorry, but you have to come with us.” She put her head down, looking like a beaten dog. She trudged alongside us slowly as we examined the property. But we saw no sign of anyone. I sighed deeply.
“Alright, let’s go inside,” I said. “Let’s find out what horrors await us in that hut.”
As we walked forward, I heard the gate click closed behind us. I turned and looked, but I saw no one. It seemed as if it had closed on its own.
I saw, to my horror, that I would need a key to get out as well as in. Another skull, its mouth open and filled with a silver locking mechanism, stuck out on this side as well. The metal in its mouth made it look like it was choking, the eternally gaping mouth like it was screaming.
I turned away, focusing on the task at hand, hoping I would survive the next few minutes.
Part 4
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/16nl7hj/i_worked_as_an_iceroad_trucker_in_russia_along/

It’s been a month and ADHD360 still haven’t interpreted my ECG to begin titration. They told me it would take 1-2 weeks and every time I call up they say they’ll follow it up and then I never hear anything back. How long is it going to take?

Hey all.
I'll try and keep this brief; started titration back in December, worked my way up dosage with Concerta, it was working, no side effects, but it wasn't the game-changer that others have reported so my doc wanted me to try Elvanse (lisdexamfetamine) instead.
Started on 20mg, moved to 40mg, and life was sweet. No side effects, felt good, happy, focussed, excited to tackle big challenges that'd normally feel paralysing, all gravy.
Then came a 10 day all-inclusive holiday that we'd booked aaaaaaages ago (pre-diagnosis) so with the best of intentions I took my meds with me, but by day 2 I thought "maybe I could have a day off and enjoy a beer". It felt good, so I didn't take the meds for a few more days and on day 3-4 I had a really bad time; shakes, sweats, panic attack, it lasted half a day but then I was okay again.
So I spent the rest of the holiday off meds, and that gave me pause to think:
Do I want this? Do I want to rely on meds? Can't I be happy without?
Now of course, I seeked out a diagnosis and medication for a very good reason, and I am much happier, more productive and just much more "me" whilst taking them, but - I also adore my morning coffee, and the freedom to enjoy the occasional beer or glass of wine.
I don't know. Just wondered if this was a common thing after being on meds for a few months to start wondering if you're doing the right thing, and if you've been in this situation, what did you do?
Looking at starting again tomorrow with 20mg Elvanse and working my way up again, but thought I'd appeal for some insight first..! :-)

After spending months titrating up to 2,4 I got incredible sick in February/March. Layed in bed for 1 week because of extreme "diarrhea". Could not eat and barely drink because everything went through.
After that week I was so scared so I stopped. Even though I had lost 12 kg since beginning with Wegovy in September and 6 of those I lost the week I was so sick.
But - now I regret it so much!!!!
Now I am back at my start weight - 87 kg. It went so fast!
I should have gone down to 1,7 and stayed there until trying 2,4 again. When my body was ready ... But I did not ...
Now, do I have to start all over again with the lowest dose and spend months and months to titrate up to 2,4? Or is my body gotten used to the drug so that I can titrate faster?
Anyone with experience or advice?

Hi. I have never really had the space to talk to people about this before. I had one good psychiatrist years ago, but I moved. I am in my early thirties and was diagnosed 6 years ago after getting on Celexa for depression put me in a hypomanic state. I took various meds until I landed on Lamictal being effective and took that for three years. I stopped taking it two years ago because I had been on hormonal birth control, ADHD meds, and lamictal (I think around 150 or 200mg) for a while and I was feeling stable and began to feel like I didn’t know what my normal way of feeling/being was, so I quit all of it (there were times when I was solely on lamictal). The past two years off meds haven’t been easy (many stressful events happening) but I dealt with it. However,I got some pretty real SI a couple months ago followed by what I think is hypomania (I’ve always kind of been confused by what it is bc I have never had many people I could talk to this about and psychiatrists seem to just throw the idea of more meds at me and not help me understand what’s happening to me). The SI got to the point where I was getting mad at my dog for being here because he is sensitive and so bonded to me and would struggle, so I felt a pressure to stick around longer via my pet. Anyways, I tried to be completely sober and thought maybe that would help, but I ended up just getting into what I think are hypomanic and mixed episodes again before I decided to go back on lamictal. I’m titrating up from 25mg. Last night I went from 25 to 50 and I woke up feeling very awful. What I think is a mixed episode awful but it didn’t last as long. Like when I feel like I’m burning from the inside and feel like I need to rip my body open to let it out (I don’t do that - just describing the feeling). It went away after maybe 6 hours, but it was shitty and I was not well and I’m scared to keep taking lamictal and increasing my dosage. I took another 50mg dose tonight in the hopes that it is temporary. I’m also scared of other meds bc I got some pretty significant weight gain with abilify and auditory hallucinations with Vraylar (which is hard to get insurance to cover anyways).
Is this normal for lamictal to work for you but to react poorly to it later in life? I really want to feel more stable but so far I feel like restarting meds is destabilizing me. Looking for advice on whether this is normal and if I should wait it out or if this is a red flag and I should stop taking it. Also looking to see what mixed episodes feel like to others and if you have an idea of what triggers them?
Sorry for the long rant and thank you for any feedback. Also thank you for all the understanding and support I have found by lurking here for years.

First I’ll thank whoever’s reading this for taking the time. Not seeking medical advice, just personal. Scroll to bottom for tl;dr
Context: Diagnosed with ADHD at 19(21 now) after 7 years of being the “he’s got potential he’s just not making use of it” student during secondary and sixth form. Diagnosis was a total accident, I happened to talk to my form tutor and explained to her how I was feeling (something I don’t usually do with anybody) when it became time to study for my A levels and she has ADD so she told me what it sounded like and to see about getting tested. If I had never had that conversation I likely would have continued life under the assumption that I was just a lazy bum.
I was prescribed elvanse 70mg after a relatively long titration period as it was the only thing that seemed to work, dose went up from 30 or so as we realised what was and wasn’t making a difference. For the first few months it was like I was a new man, I was waking up 8am sharp everyday for no real reason other than because it pleased me to do so, started going to the gym nearly every day, just a general increase in my wellbeing. That didn’t last long however, at one point my routine was disrupted by going home for Xmas and by the time I went back to uni I was back to pre elvanse me. What confuses me is that I take the elvanse but I still do nothing? I may as well be taking it to improve my fifa focus. My body does acclimatise to new substances very quickly which was the problem with the previous medications so could that be it? Have I become immune to the highest possible dose of the only medication that ever did anything for me?
I do feel like this may not be the case as I can definitely still feel a difference when on elvanse in my appetite (or lack thereof) - so why am I still being so useless? Am I perhaps just lazy? I will definitely admit that the things I’m not doing (uni work, studying for assessments) do not interest me at all and honestly I’d rather not do them, so is it possible that the elvanse HAS eliminated the focus issue and I am mistaking my not really wanting to do the work for ADHD paralysis? I would rather not but I know I have to and I would like to, but I can never start. What do I do here? If this does sound like laziness then please don’t be afraid to tell me, I abhor delusion in the name of spared feelings and I am genuinely seeking answers.
Tl;dr: My medication (elvanse 70mg) seems to do nothing for me but help me focus on things I would probably have been doing without it I.e. gaming. I am still paralysed where everything else is concerned. Can’t seem to stick with uni work unless an exam is imminent, at the point where studying is pointless. Since I do feel the effects of elvanse (I think, placebo perhaps?) when gaming, is this simply a laziness issue fixable by shaming myself into eventual action?

TLDR: My planned section itself was just fine and so were the next few days, but over the weekend (Sunday 4/21, to be specific), I had to return to the hospital for three more nights due to a really scary blood pressure spike. Your girl has officially joined the pre-eclampsia club, but, thank goodness, Junior (my newborn son) wasn't affected and remains safe and healthy.
Tuesday 4/16 – Delivery Day

• 7:15 am – We all wake up at a leisurely pace since I don’t have to report to the hospital until 11:45 am (Section is scheduled for 1:45, with the understanding that it could be later depending on work load at the hospital). Husband takes a shower; I get our daughter (Little Miss, aka LM) dressed for daycare. We’re out the door by 7:45 and when we get to daycare, we remind them that my mother-in-law (MIL) will be on pick-up and drop off this week. I receive many good wishes and a few hugs.
• 8:15 am – At MIL’s house to drop off LM’s suitcase and confirm daycare stuff. I fully admit to being snappish. As you might guess, I had been told to not eat anything after midnight the night before, and some of my usual meds are nauseating on an empty stomach. Thankfully the nausea passes, and we go home for a bit.
• 9:15 am – back home, I realize that I don’t have the energy to watch another “Fallout” episode, so I curl up for a nap. Husband finishes his packing, stays with me for a while and at 10:30, he sneaks downstairs to eat a Pop Tart. No point in him being hungry, but he also doesn’t want to offend me!
• 10:50 am – I wake up and double check my suitcase.
• 11:05 am – on the road! Husband admits that NOW he’s feeling nervous.
• 11:30 am to 11:45 am – check in at Labor and Delivery. I get gowned up and give a urine sample; during sample, I suspect I lose my mucus plug. The nurses aren’t worried, but this confirms to me that the section being scheduled ahead of my original due date was a good idea.
• 12:00 pm – the nurses I’ve been assigned are lovely, but they’re having a difficult time finding my veins for my IV. Before I turn into a *total* pincushion, the two of them call in a third nurse, whom they lovingly nickname “The Vampire”, and she gets me all set with no more issues so that I can get my saline/fluids started.
• 12:20 pm to 12:40 pm – the nurses bring me my compression socks, and the assisting OB surgeon (AOB) checks in to give me a procedural overview. I finish my first IV and get unhooked for a chance to use the bathroom.
• 12:50 pm to 1:05 pm – My second IV gets placed, especially since it’s looking like I’m going to have a delay in getting to surgery. In the meantime, the surgery site gets shaved, and it is NO spa treatment, let me tell ya.
• And then – we wait. Thankfully there’s a TV. Surgeon is still in theatedelivery with another patient. The nurses check with me if it’s ok that a nursing student sit in on my section once it gets underway. No problem, she needs the experience!
• 2:20 pm – the lead anesthesiologist (LA) is finally able to stop by and explains his part.
• 2:45 pm – Surgeon finishes up and comes to introduce herself, and she also introduces the anesthesiology resident (AR). If you’re keeping track, yes, that’s four doctors, PLUS the nurses, who are going to be in on my procedure. I have no idea if this is typical; when I had my emergency C section with LM in 2021, I wasn’t exactly keeping a head count. I know what’s due to happen, but as the AR explains it again, I get hit with this wave of “OH GOD OH FUCK SOMETHING IS GOING IN MY SPINE I CAN’T DO THIS” – AR sees my concern, and I basically have to tell him to just shut it so that I don’t have a panic attack. He thankfully doesn’t take this personally.
• 3:10 pm – Walking down the hallway to the OR with nurse assistance; Husband is directed to the recovery room.
• 3:50 pm – successful spinal block placement with LA’s help and finally able to lie down on the OR table, feeling pressure only. Husband is let back into the OR to sit by my side. I’m reminded of a comment Surgeon made earlier – that once we’re on the move, she and the others are essentially my pit crew. I hear her giving voice notes for a video recording; no clue if this happened last time. AR stands by my other shoulder to watch my vitals.
• 4:15 pm – Time of birth! AR gives me a countdown of sorts as Surgeon hits the last layer, and Junior makes his appearance!
• 4:30 pm – Junior is brought to Husband after clean-up next door. He and a nurse lay Junior on my chest for some brief skin-to-skin and Husband gets a photo.
• 5:10 pm – After I’m sewn up, I’m wheeled back to recovery, Husband is happily sending texts to family; we’re up in our room by 6:15 pm.

To paraphrase Randy Feltface – that’s where the story *should* end, especially because my only real concern over the next few days is getting breastfeeding right and figuring out sleep schedules. Unfortunately, it didn't end up being that simple.
Sunday 4/21 - Suspicions confirmed.
I'd been on baby aspirin during my pregnancy due to my pressure jumping at the end of term when Little Miss was born, but I'd been told to come off it after delivery as long as I continued my pressure monitoring. I had had a few high readings once I'd gotten home, but I was trying not to worry about it, even as I was continually calling the maternal advice line to keep them apprised of what was happening, *and* I was dealing with a slight headache. The general consensus from the nurses was to keep an eye on things and they would let me know if the OB wanted me to come back to the hospital. Unfortunately, on Sunday evening, the problem crossed from annoying to dangerous.
I had been sitting for a solid hour with Little Miss watching "Bluey" when I decided to take my evening blood pressure; I figured I would take my measurement while I was relaxed and hadn't eaten dinner yet. My morning reading had been 137/90 - so imagine my shock and terror when my evening read was 159/101, especially after rest.
When I get scared, I cry, and Husband could hear me sobbing. He reminded me to call the nurses right back, which I did, and I was told to get back to the hospital ASAP. After some figuring, we coordinated so that my folks would come over, my dad would get me to the ward, and my mom would stay with Husband to look after the kids for the night. Thankfully, we already had formula.
After check-in, the nurse had me sit quietly for about 15 minutes, not even looking at my phone - she in fact said to not touch it to talk to family and to have my dad do updates so that I wouldn't upset myself further. Even with the rest period - I had spiked into the 170s. I got a push of some kind of fast-acting medication, but even with that, I only got down into the 160s on the first dose.
The OB on call confirmed it - I would have to go onto 24 hour magnesium protocol effective immediately, which meant I was staying in through Tuesday afternoon at the earliest. The tears basically hadn't stopped at this point, and they were flowing even more then. I even asked if there was something I'd done wrong - too much rich food after delivery, or something about my weight, or not staying on my aspirin.
She told me that unfortunately, it's just one of those things - pregnancy exposes cracks in people's health, things that may not have manifested for years if the patient hadn't had a baby. It's not that my weight isn't a possible factor, I'm 5'3" and currently about 250 - it's that the cross section of "magnesium moms" includes every kind of build and activity level. The big thing was that with how quickly I had spiked, she needed me on the protocol to prevent a possible seizure or stroke.
I got set up in my room and my dad excused himself to go home. He'd said he would stay if I needed him to, but especially since I was getting a catheter in, I basically told him to be on his way for the sake of my dignity. Further coordination had happened in the meantime, so Husband and Junior were able to come and stay over with me starting on Monday morning the 22nd. The magnesium was effective, but I did end up staying through Wednesday morning the 24th while my blood pressure medication got tweaked. I did cry again on Tuesday afternoon when I wasn't able to leave just yet, but the OB said, and I understood, that she didn't want me having to come back to the hospital *AGAIN*.
Been trying to find my normal in the intervening days - I'm on 30 mg of the blood pressure meds, once a day, and my numbers have been decent, but mentally prepping to take my first few readings led to more tears and panic. I feel better now having some more data under my belt - but there's definitely part of me that has to face the realization - I was in serious trouble.

18F, 133 lb & 5'3", in Canada. I am diagnosed with ADHD, ASD, POTS, and Narcolepsy (type 2). I take 40mg of Vyvanse daily (started 3 years ago) and 100mg of Modafinil twice daily (started in March). I have also been diagnosed with hypermobility (full Beighton score) & my doctor is looking into connective tissue disorders now that I've received the POTS diagnosis.
For a lot of these issues I'm just waiting on tests or appointments to find out what's wrong, so I hopefully will find out eventually, but I just wanted to hear people's thoughts on what's going on and how worried I should be.
Now for the knee situation- a couple of weeks ago, I walked out of my room and noticed that my left knee felt off and hurt to walk on. This is pretty normal for me, my joints will feel "off" randomly and then fix themselves eventually, but the fact that it hurt confused me. While feeling around, I noticed that it felt like a bone was sticking out more than normal in the lower right area of my left knee. I felt both knees simultaneously and yes, while on the right knee I could feel that sort of rounded bone on the medial side, the left knee has it sticking out way more. It's hard like a bone, not a cyst. I can't tell if it really moves; there's a sort of clicking/grinding when I'll press and move the skin over it, but that might just be the feeling of the veins moving over it? I went to physio today and brought it up. He spent a long time feeling around my knee and moving it in different ways, to which there wasn't much pain except when pushing on the bone-thing itself. He ultimately told me that it was definitely hard like bone, to make an appointment with my doctor and that she'd probably have me do an x-ray (am now waiting for said appointment).
One of the questions he asked me was if I had any sudden weight loss, to which I said no. I feel like I should've said yes- I don't think I've recently lost weight super suddenly, but as of June last year I weighed ~145-150 lbs, and now I weigh 133. I don't really exercise or walk much at all (trying to get better at that) and I haven't made any sort of lifestyle changes that would cause that. I just sort of attributed this to my Vyvanse, as it really reduces my appetite when it's active, but lately (I'd say maybe the past month or two) my appetite has gone almost completely. It's not nausea, but if I go into the kitchen and look at food there's nothing in me that wants to eat it. It's constant, even when my Vyvanse has worn off, and I know that I'm not getting enough food. Most days I won't eat at all until having just a small portion of dinner, and some recent days I haven't even wanted dinner. I haven't ever been the type of person to weigh themselves regularly so I don't know if I have lost more weight recently, but when I look in the mirror it does feel like I've changed faster recently compared to it being more spread out over the last year.
As for something that could possibly be connected to the weight loss instead- a year ago I had a head & neck CT scan, and the tech/whoever looked at the scans made a note that there was some sort of soft tissue where my thymus is, but they couldn't get a good look as it wasn't a chest CT. That was a year ago and for some reason they never followed up on that, but when I recently went to Internal Medicine for the POTS diagnosis, they looked at all my scans and told my doctor and I that I should get a chest CT to check it out. I am currently waiting on that appointment.
I also about a month ago had some stroke-like symptoms; sharp headache, flat vision and vertigo the night before, and then left-sided numbness + an inability to talk for like 30 minutes etc. The doctor in the ER didn't take me seriously at all, said it was anxiety, and I had to convince him to order a CT scan (which came back clear). They referred me to the neurologist afterwards who took me seriously and has had me take baby aspirin daily "just in case" and ordered a MRI (which is tonight! yay!). The left side of my body still has way less sensation than the right, with some areas still being almost numb, which is why I don't think it was a hemiplegic migraine.
I can see this coming off as me being anxious or a hypochondriac, but I promise I'm not. Everything that I've been diagnosed with was because I noticed something, extensively researched and read through medical journals, and then brought it up with my doctor. When I think I may have a condition and then realize there's core symptoms/criteria I don't have, I let it go. I don't see the point in convincing myself I have something that I don't, and I just want to have the most information possible because there is no one else who's going to advocate for me. I've had too many doctors just dismiss me because they don't want to admit they don't know everything.
Please feel free to ask any questions, I'm aware that you might need more info and I have practically nothing to do while waiting for these tests. Sorry for the long post, I know this is a lot to read. Thank you.

This is just a PSA, I had been on 300 mg Wellbutrin xr for about a year and a half and it was doing wonders for me. I had motivation. My depressive symptoms were completely gone. I wasn’t as reactive in my relationships. I was just feeling great but about two months ago, I started to feel like my old self kind of down tired, listless, unmotivated, and just feeling shitty again. I asked my doctor to titrate me up to 450 which is the max dose and I had been on it for about three weeks, I was enjoying it at first cause I was getting a shit ton done. I was very focused. I was just feeling really really great, but in retrospect if I’m looking at myself from an outside perspective, I think I was in the beginning stages of mania pretty quick. I started to obsess over people that I would never normally obsess over. I felt like I was on Adderall. My brain was just super super tired, I was starting to get major suicidal thoughts, it just wasn’t working for me and I was so anxious,my teeth were always grinding, insane heart palpitations, not able to sleep or sit still. I was clenching my jaw constantly. I was loving the productivity but at the same time I just felt like I was actually quite manic after a couple weeks of 450 mg of Wellbutrin. so this is just a public service announcement to say that if you’re feeling like you’re on too much you probably are and it’s OK to dial it back a little bit. I went back down to 300 mg and I’m already feeling so much better and so much more like myself. It is ok to have some of those days where you’re not motivated and you are feeling tired, push yourself to cope better and just ust listen to your body, let yourself feel pooped out or a little sad. The alternative of taking a fuck ton more medication just to make those feelings go away had pretty intense and dangerous implications.

I absolutely hate how I look now. I miss fresh scars from self harm, I miss not having an appetite, I miss being medication free. I just wish I didn't speak up 10 years ago, or that I would have continued the same routines after having received help.
I'm 26f, 2 years self harm free, I work in mental health, in a all female residential and in a locked facility for people considered gravely disabled. I'm happy with my jobs, I have 3 associate degrees and a bachelors, no hospitalizations in 5 years. I take my medication daily, and self administered (which I used to not be able to do because my family was afraid I would overdose). I haven't had to be in therapy in 4 years. I've successful worked through most of my mental health problems.
But I still have this feeling of being incomplete and as if I let myself down. I feel like I don't know who I am. I’m trying to titrate my medication down so I can see if I actually made progress, as in to prove myself that I don't need to be medicated for the rest of my life. But I also hope that it will let me fall back into the depression I had experienced when I was younger.
I just want to be me, but also I don't want to fall back into bad habits but I also do want to. I feel so conflicted because I’ve been doing so great, my life had turn for the good. I'm one of those people who went from “what's the point of life, nothing is going to get better” to “there is more to life, things do get better.” But I don't want to get better…
Has anyone else felt this way?

I received a text from this morning as a reminder that on April 27th 2014 is the anniversary of your passing. You have died from one of the most horrible deaths that anyone can suffer from but it was also short lived. You were a good man, a good father, a good grandfather, uncle, etc. You were the only positive real life role model that I’ll always have in my life as most of my role models are para-social.
I knew from a young age that everyone but you has been a negative influence on me. As both Grandma and mom are full blown untreated narcissists along with untreated mental illnesses. I feel bad for you. I didn’t like the way that grandma was treating you. She was emotionally and mentally abusive to you. She was controlling your life, even isolating you. You never stood up for yourself and I completely understand why because I’ve been in the same position as you and my dad. My first love is a narcissist like grandma and mom but he is also a sociopath. He was a dangerous person who ruined my life. Consider me lucky because he left me and you and dad had to stay with your abuser. In fact you were abused for the rest of your life to the point where grandma gave you aspirin and ibuprofen together causing a hole on your stomach eating away your organs causing respiratory failure that took your life in less than 30 days. You never deserved this.
Life hasn’t been the same since you’ve been gone. Your passing tore our family apart. We don’t have family gatherings anymore, one of the children would come to town and not tell my family. She ended up with a 10 year old brain tumor where she had surgery done which came with complications. She lost 15 years of her life. I don’t think she knows you’re gone. Her and her daughter’s strange behavior has eventually caused me to disown her and the rest of her family last year. It was a tough decision but I did it. I don’t care for them anymore.
Your second born daughter now has two grandsons one is 5 or 6 and the other is around 3 years old. She and her husband moved to Florida for their retirement plus their home state has become impossible to afford to live. They at least tell us that they are coming to town. They still love to travel but they are traveling to my town often and staying in the house longer for reasons I’ll get to later.
Your first born daughter did the same thing as your third born daughter. Come to town and not tell us until after her husband passed away last summer, it was hard on me because I never got to say goodbye to him because i ended up having a bicycle wreck that almost took my life. I was unable to go to the funeral for being in a medically induced coma.
You should be proud of most people in the family and some you won’t even approve of.
My sister has finished college with a bachelor’s degree in the criminal justice field. She is now a security guard. Well me, I don’t think you’d appreciate the things I did in life. Because of the way I was treated by my family, my peers and my exes, I wanted to forget all of this abuse and turned to addiction. I started drinking and smoking at 19, using marijuana at 21 and I’ve experimented with pain killers whenever I got access to them even going as far as stealing grandmas pain killers. I do it to take all the pain and trauma away. I did go to college but dropped out because of my addictions and because my ex was so abusive that my grades dropped and I was burnt out. I’ve been arested several times for my anger issues likely inherited from both of my parents and risky behaviors. I’ve even broken into my ex’s house after he broke up with me. Our relationship was so codependent I thought that was what I had to do to get him back. But I ended up getting arrested and only served the full 2 years probation.
My addictions got so out of control on June 23rd of last year I was operating a bike under the influence of marijuana and blacked out as I was going down a steep hill, my back is broken, I’m completely paralyzed from the chest down, I can never walk again. I lost my life as an able bodied person, I can never do the physical activities I once loved to do. I survived something so horrific, I cry every time I think about it. I almost lost my life, I don’t know why I never dreamt about you while being in a medically induced coma. If I did I would choose death over life because I miss you so dearly. I still struggle with addiction to this day. I refuse to get help because I don’t want to stop getting drunk and getting high.
Now the person that you’d really know how she is. My grandma, she is suffering very slowly. She’s got full blown dementia. My mom and my aunts don’t even want to take care of her or have anything to do with her. Two of my aunts have been coming to town and staying with her for usually not even a week because she can’t take care of herself. They want nothing to do with the situation so my dad is her main care giver and he’s not even her child. Even my own mother doesn’t take care of me like she should. My dad has to juggle taking care of me and taking care of grandma. He doesn’t have time to do anything ever. She just leaves him to do all of the work. She doesn’t know who her children are, she forgets that I can’t even walk anymore, she only remembers two people, my dad, and you! She thinks about you a lot. Although I feel as she has no respect for you because all of your money was spent on junk, ER visits, opioids that she got addicted to, giving large amounts of money to other people, getting scammed on the telephone. Even though we took her checkbook it didn’t stop her for calling 911 for fake emergency room visits to obtain drugs and because she believes that she is dying. She is struggling everyday. Really dementia is a horrible thing to have. Honestly I’d rather die from what happened to you than have dementia or Alzheimer’s disease.
I think about you every now and then. Is it true that your spirit visited me in my dreams? I really love you and I really miss you grandpa. May you rest in paradise.