Hello 19F, l've been experiencing episodes of presyncope. Back in September I went to the doctor because I had feelings of lightheadedness, fatigue, constant thirst, brain fog. my blood test levels were fine, Low BP (95/63) could be the cause of these symptoms. my symptoms persisted, I had a hospital visit because of bad chest pains + palpitations. BP was 89/41 Doctor concluded I didn't have enough potassium/electrolytes.
My symptoms were pretty off and on so I debated going to the doctor for a 2nd time, but then an incident at work occurred, I had become dizzy while climbing up a ladder so I felt it was important to see what was causing this. The 2nd in person doctor visit had suggested that I might have POTS. He did a tilt table test and said I was 5 heart beats off? I think, I can't recall, but he had said I was close to meeting the requirements for POTS. He had me do other test to see if I had Pots, 24 hr holter monitor, echocardiogram. After going through my results with my doctor she said my tests came back normal with slight bradycardia and tachycardia but not enough to meet the pot's requirements. She recommended that if I continue to feel these symptoms to see the cardiologist.
For a moment I didn't have any more symptoms, I had upped my salt intake because. my blood pressure is back to a normal level (around 110/90) And I still continue to feel these lightheaded symptoms/pre-syncope when doing simple tasks like bending over to put clothes away in my drawer, sweeping, tying my shoe, exercising. The only problem is my symptoms are very unpredictable. Some days I'm fine and other days I feel so drained. Not sure if I should see the cardiologist again since they said my levels were fine. Could these symptoms be a sign of any other underlying conditions? I had asked about the possibility of diabetes because I have had frequent urination symptoms, but the doctor ruled that out as well

I posted about this awhile back and did not get much response but I am gaslighting myself and need people who have gone through this or similar to help me be objective.
I will Try to keep this brief but it's a lot.
-long history of stricturing Crohn's of terminal ileum diagnosed in 2006. First resection Sept 2018, Last resection in April 2022. Surgeon told me he found Crohn's high up in small bowel, could not remove safely, hoped new biologic (Stelara) would take care of it.
-6 month delay in starting Stelara due to GI F up (forgot to send preauthorization)
-July 2022 began having severe upper gastric pain (under ribs and belly button) after even the smallest amount of food, followed by severe nausea and often vomiting. Within half hour multiple liquid BM's undigested food and insane amount of fluid. Began to eat less and less, moved to soft diet, and finally to complete liquids in August 2023
-July 2023-Oct 2023- Weight loss of 20 lbs over 3 month period. Many ER visits needed for rehydration and IV anti emetics and pain meds as could not keep down any oral meds. GI did colonoscopy but only found microscopic Crohn's in anastomosis site (he only took 2 biopsies from that area and nowhere else). CT's done in hospital showed thickening of wall of ascending colon, and collapsed bowel, free fluid in peritoneum. GI dismissed as "not reliable". Fecal Cal slightly elevated. Constant low grade anemia. After 4th ER visit in Oct 2023 they did a high res Ultrasound and I was admitted by surgery department. However, as I was urgent but not emergent, there were no beds available. Was given choice of staying in ER and receiving IV steroids, or going home and following up with GI. Chose home and was given Entocort. Entocort slowed down bowel from 30-50 bm's a day to ten. Did not help pain, nausea, vomiting, lack of ability to eat. After several desperate emails where I begged for help, said I wanted to die-GI ordered urgent MRI, would not change meds or give prednisone without "proof".
-November 2023-Began to experience fatigue like never before. Could hardly keep eyes open. This would be followed by severe upper gastric pain, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea that went on for days, followed by constipation for 1-2 days and severe bloating, only on the left side of belly which would be rock hard and hot to the touch. Then the diarrhea cycle woud begin again. Always pure liquid, sometimes black, always tons of mucous.
-Went to Mexico to visit my parents for the holidays where I usually feel better but still could not eat. Injecting myself with IM Gravol (anti emetic) just to keep fluids down. I lived off of chicken broth with rice. Saw GI in private hospital. Ordered full workup. Blood found in stool. 3 D CT ordered (could not find a vein for IV after 5 nurses, two doctors, and a radiologist with a vein finder so only had oral contrast) showed inflammation in small bowel, thickening of the ascending colon wall 11 mm, and inflammation of ileum. He wanted to send me to special IBD hospital in Mexico City for MRI but it would have cost 2500$ so I decided to wait till I got home to Canada where it would be free. Treated me with antibiotics for IBS (only available in Mexico and Germany) Zero improvement. I lived off of electrolyte drinks.
-Jan 29th 2024 returned to hospital because I could not keep any oral meds in (pills would be in toilet) also pain was 9/10, high fever, vomiting. Admitted again, but no beds. Left AMA with another prescription for Entocort.
-Feb 12 2024- High fever followed by two days of 40 plus liquid BM's, some of them bloody, all of them black. Husband insisted back to ER where I was admitted immediately. Cortisol levels 11 (close to adrenal failure) very low potassium. Doc said if we'd waited I likely would have died from heart event. Spent 8 + weeks in hospital having every kind of test imaginable. NOTHING showed on MRI, inflammation on CT, lower scope clear, upper endoscopy showed inflammation in esophagus, stomach, and duodenum. Negative for H Pylori, negative for celiac. Started on 150 mg of hydrocortisone for low cortisol to rescue my organs. MRI of brain showed small tumour on pituitary. Endocrinologist did ACTH test and was unhappy, kept me on 40 mg of hydrocortisone IV. PICC line insertion went awry when they Discovered I had complete stenosis of veins and needed port catheter surgically implanted. Was on TPN for 5 weeks. Needed pain meds and anti emetics every 4 hours or severe vomiting and diarrhea would ensue. 30-50 liquid bm's continued (they made me write down everything I ingested and every time I had a BM. They tested me for everything. No blood, NO CDiff, no parasites, no infection. High fever 104.5 plus delirium and CRP shot up to 50. Continued Anemia, blood work all over the place, even with TPN I needed potassium and sodium boluses 3 times a day.
-Requested pill endoscopy, GI said no Crohn's, no need for test. Suggested psych evaluation for a fucking eating disorder. Endocrinologist disagreed, said starvation and whatever disease process was causing symptoms was causing my cortisol issue. Psych diagnosed medical PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder (no shit) but NO eating disorder. Fired GI and hired IBD specialist from another city. Re ran all tests, CT showed huge diverticulum on duodenum otherwise clear. Was going to be moved to a ward from a private room. Had a panic attack because I could not share a bathroom and was not about to use a commode. Asked to be discharged after nearly 9 weeks. They were so overcrowded and basically did not know what else to do to help me, so they let me go even though I was still on TPN and NPO. Got a 5 minute instruction on how to insert a butterfly catheter for pain meds, and let go.
-Present-3 weeks later, still on liquid diet, (Boost drinks, blended oatmeal, yoghurt and soup) still on sub q and IM meds. Finally got new IBD doc to order capsule endoscopy and is treating me for SIBO (never been tested) plus set me up with nutritionist and psychologist for support. MRI repeated- totally clear.
I FEEL CRAZY. This is the sickest I have ever felt. It's been almost a year since I chewed food. The pain under my ribs just to the left of my belly button is now constant, whether I eat or not, pain meds barely take the edge off. Sometimes it's so intense I can hardly breathe. I keep passing out on the toilet. I projectile vomit daily, even using Gravol and Pantoprozole, the bile acid is awful. I've been doing tons of research and have learned that GDC and Jejunal Crohn's are extremely hard to diagnose. I have every single symptom and fit the criteria. Does this sound familiar to anyone????

I was diagnosed with Type One Diabetes four years ago. I've always wondered if I was mistreated, but have always dismissed it at me overreacting. I've been thinking about it more and would like some validation in what I've always thought.
When I was diagnosed I was 11 F or 12 years old. A few months prior to my ER visit I had weighed about 140 lbs and was barely 5'0. At the time I went to the ER I was 120 lbs. (there was no reason for weight loss)
I had been having severe abdominal pain for around a week. It had gotten to the point that my mother (an RN) said to go to the ER. At 9:30 pm my test results came back. Listed below are the levels that were marked.
RBC: High, Hemoglobin: High, Hematocrit: High, RDW: High, Lymphocytes: High, Glucose (Urine): 3+, Ketones (Urine): 4+, Sodium, Potassium, Chloride, CO2: All Very Low, Glucose (Blood): 365 mg/dL
I had no previous history of diabetes or blood sugar issues. My high/low levels were completely disregarded. They sent me to have an ultrasound because they suspected appendicitis. At 11:25 pm my appendix came back as "suspicious". At 12:20 AM my mom came down from the NICU as I was getting prepped for surgery. The anesthesiologist was going over information when he asked, "How long have you been a diabetic?". We said never and my BG was checked. It had lowered but was still 207. Everybody was shocked. I was rushed to the PICU where I spent the next 3 days. Here were the other odd levels they found:
GAD-65: 54.8 (VERY High), C-Peptide: Low, A1C: 13, All of my Blood Gasses (minus O2): Very Low, Magnesium: Low
It took a long time to stabilize my levels. The next morning the surgeon came up, felt my appendix, and said it was completely back to normal. I am now a very well controlled diabetic and have run into no issues. I'm just searching for any validation in my thoughts that I shouldn't have gotten so close to get an organ removed for no reason while being seriously ill.

Day 15 today, as many have said I think days 3-5 were the toughest. Still, beyond that my energy has fluctuates seemingly without a clear connection to snake juice amount, water, vitamin, exercise nothing. Some days I am just absolutely dragging ass can't even keep myself from slouching.
Yesterday I realized I've developed a pain in my right thigh, today it has begun in the left as well. It feels deep in the muscle kind of burning or sore, it's definitely a little concerning but my pee is clear and no other symptoms so I've continued. I've been exercising nearly every day with a cardio 3x and weightlifting 3x a week on alternating days. Both have absolutely suffered and some days I cannot do half of what I normally would so I just prioritize whatever I think is most important, do what I can and tell myself I'm proud of myself for just going and doing whatever I do.
From day 3-12 I really lost the hunger for the most part, interesting to me my stomach didn't even ever growl. I'd get phantom food smells and cravings every once in a while but they pass quickly. Oddly enough, ~day 13 the stomach growling came back a little bit and has occurred a few times since then maybe once a day. In the last few days I've been starting to feel hungry again it is also pretty ignoreable and not constant but what's interesting to me is that it feels more real - like my body is really telling me we need to eat something now. I find myself craving things I don't even eat, a sunny side up egg for instance. The majority of my cravings now especially when I get those hunger signals seems to be for protein. I am a carb lover tbh but though I definitely think about carbs and sweets sometimes it is the proteins I find myself really craving in body and mind.
Looking ahead I've bought bone broth, deli meat, and am planning to get kimchi, miso, and kombucha closer to the day. I plan to take it extremely slow with a 5 day refeed of listening to my body and very low carbs up to the 4th/5th day. I'm actually feeling a little bit anxious about the refeed although I definitely feel like I'm ready to start eating again and feel like I have more control and have refreshed any sugacarb addiction that was likely under my surface.
Final note on the electrolytes/vitamins: I take a prenatal multi about every 3 days just a standard multi pill. I found the recipe for snake juice here to be way too much for me, I actually felt worse after having a full serving for 2 days despite also working out. I looked up the RDA on this website https://www.nal.usda.gov/human-nutrition-and-food-safety/dri-calculator Which actually uses your weight/age etc to give you an RDA, I found this to be much closer to what I need and what makes me feel good. I still found the sodium to be a little high so cut it just a little bit but stuck to the potassium and magnesium levels recommended for me there.
Any tips for the next few days, refeed, or comments and thoughts are welcome!

At the end of the day, I got a consult because a patient family wants a diet education about calcium because a patient came in with hypercalcemia. They were on calcium vitamin D supplements and came in dehydrated. They also have multiple myeloma. They took the patient off of the supplement and provided iv fluids and their calcium levels are back to 9.2 mg/dL, my thought processes this patient is 70 years old with cancer and since we took out all those things that we should not be taking away any more food. I also looked at their labs today, and they are also low in potassium and phosphorus.

I can be so impulsive and agree to add different vitamins to my daily stack. I just recently started reading this sub and want some advice. my moods fluctuate constantly and I’m susceptible to addiction, constant dopamine seeking, low motivation due to constant fatigue. Ive been encouraged to add more potassium and iron in my diet from my GP. I’m 29F with the current stack:
AM Cymbalta 120mg Vyvanse 59 mg Vitamin D 5000 iu Women’s probiotics 1B Caffeine 200 mg
with food (when i think about it) Potassium 195 mg Zinc citrate 50 mg
PM before bed Trazodone 50 mg
I use phenibut 2-3x/week about 750mg-1g for days that I have a lot to do along with modafinil from modafinia.
Any advice and recommendations are appreciated.

Good morning!
I recently saw my doc for a six month checkup.
I’m currently on 120 mg NP thyroid. I was originally put on 90 mg and then after my last labs they increased to 120. I’ve been really exhausted lately which is super frustrating bc I’m a pretty active person and I eat well and just really do all of the things to try to feel my best (sleep hygiene, limit alcohol, early morning sun exposure, etc).
At my recent appt, my labs came back with high TSH and low free T4, but my t3 and t3 resin uptake are within range. Sounds like I need another increase in my thyroid med but my doc said I’m on a full replacement dose at this point.
Anyone on higher doses than 120?
My potassium and B12 are also slightly elevated while my vitamin D is slightly low. Idk if those are connected in any way. I’m really tired of playing this game, though.
Obviously, I’m just waiting to hear back from my doctor but am curious about others’ experience with NP thyroid bc I’ve only been on it since late fall of 2023. Prior to that, I was taking levothyroxine for 15ish years and liothyronine for a couple years.

I questioned my life writing these but here you go, open for any discussion or faults:
The catalyst thingt coated via silicon dioxide was phosphoric acid ig ( for reaction of h2o and ethene) (1 mark)
As advantage I said higher volumes of water favours forward reaction that the equilibrium shifts to right increasing the ethanol produced while the disadvantage is that the concentration of ethene decreases due to dilution and so the frequency of collisions with the catalyst decrease, thus the rate decreases as well. (2 marks)
There was a previous part said the ethanol yield was 95% and asked what was done to obtain it. I said the ethanol produced was removed from the equilibrium or unreacted reactants were recycled. (2 marks)
It was a compromise as it was high enough to keep the rate high (high kinetic energy of particles) and was low enough to avoid the equilibrium shifting to left. At higher temperatures the shift would be towards left as the reverse reaction was endothermic. (2 marks)
A high pressure may be suggested because it would increase the rate and also would shift the equilibrium to right since there was lower number of moles of gaseous molecules. (2 marks)
I said the sticky substance was silicon not sure at all lmao (1 mark)
High pressures have high energy costs. (1 mark)
About the ClO2 bond thingy I made a double bond with one of the oxygen molecules and a dative covalent for the other oxygen that the chlorine atom has 1 lone pair and 1 unpaired electron as it was a free radical (2 marks ?)
Then below I said it was not linear since there was a net dipole moment and the central chlorine atom had a lone pair. (1 mark)
The roman numbers were indicating oxidation number of chlorine ions in the chlorate ion i said (1 mark)
For the disproportionation it could be between +4 and +7 for both oxidation and reduction. So that it can reduce to 4 and oxidise to 7 (oxidatiin numbers of chlorine in the products) (2 marks)
HClO3 was the molecular formula I found (4 marks)
2 step reaction:
KClO3 + H2SO4 HClO3 + KHSO4
HClO3 -> HClO4 + ClO2
I was just not able to balance the second one and put a random 2 on the HClO3 lmao (2 marks)
About the last biggie boi question:
The peaks were due to one being full C5H8 (in structural formula) don't remember the second one but it was the structure that lacks methyl group ig (2 marks?)
3 peaks: C-H stretching in alkenes C-H stretching in alkanes C=C stretching in alkenes not sure about what to draw so (3 marks)
The given 2 other compounds were also terpenes as they have had the same empirical formula (C5H8) Both were made up of 2 isoprene units, only one of them was cyclo- structured I said. (2 markers)
1766 cm³ and 2650 cm³ kind of volumes I got for hydrogen. (4 marks?)
About six marker:
The first student's method was potassium dichromate which is useful for primary and secondary alcohols. Tertiary one cannot be oxidised. For primary and secondry the colour of the solution turns from orange to green. The primary one forms an aldehyde or carboxylic acid while the secondary one forms a ketone with C=O bond.
Second student's method was potassium manganate which was useful for the molecules that contained double bonds to form further -oh bonds and so diols. It would turn from purple to colourless. It was not effective for the molecule on the left.
The third student's method was the most effective I said. It's because all the alcohols can react with PCl5 and they release steamy fumes of HCl indicating that they contained an -oh group. (6 marks)
The first classic question:
Elimination (1 mark)
Use ethanol as solvent for KOH (1 mark)
And to obtain alcohol from that halogenoalkane use aqueous KOH (1 mark)
There was the mechanism for nucleophilic substitution ( 4 marks?)
The fastest hydrolysed one was tertiary and the one with C-I bond as it had a lower bond enthalpy. (2 marks)
Enthalpy change question: Max temp: 27.7 degrees Max volume: 21.0cm³ (2 marks)
Moles of ammonia (1 mark)
delta H was about -51-53 kj/mol somethin (4 marks?)
About multiple choice:
1st question was A (enthalpy change of reaction)
Sodium nitrate
Cl have higher first ionisation energy than Br
2.9 (mol/dm³?)
Highest boiling temperautre was the one with longest chain, no branches
Red to orange (acid to alkali) There was an another section of this question like "which one is true?" I don't remember what I did for that one
And some more multiple qss
There was also some "give the name of the compound" qs

If you are a doctor, please help give any ideas for testing of illness/disease/rare conditions. My daughter is 19, she was a perfectly healthy child all her life. The only issue she has ever had is sensitivity to sunlight and hives with a malar rash. Starting in November of 23 she began vomiting. It was severe and continued for 7 weeks while hospitalized. Many tests were ran and no cause could be found. She ended up with a picc line and tpn due to not being able to eat. Vomiting episodes last 1-5 days and then have a 1-2 day break in between. The malar rash almost always appears with the vomiting. She has severe nausea as well. Her gallbladder was removed and did not resolve symptoms. The following are the only issues to note: Nausea/vomiting (always dark green bile) Tachycardia during episodes (resting heart rate 125, walking 150) High blood pressure during episodes (145/99) Elevated alk-phos, alt, ast , GGT, Protein/potassium/blood in urine
All imaging done on livekidneys/etc normal. EEG normal, Ana negative (as well as other labs for lupus)
After 7 weeks of vomiting she stopped and was completely normal for 3 months, then suddenly started again 4 weeks ago. She had to have a port implanted due to not having access to veins because her potassium is constantly very low and the IV potassium causes IV to go bad very quickly. There have been no medications that control the vomiting. All meds for cyclic vomiting have been tried long term without any effect. The meds that help her slow vomiting the most are Valium/ativan and compazine as well as phenobarbital. Any ideas would be appreciated

If you are a doctor, please help give any ideas for testing of illness/disease/rare conditions. My daughter is 19, she was a perfectly healthy child all her life. The only issue she has ever had is sensitivity to sunlight and hives with a malar rash. Starting in November of 23 she began vomiting. It was severe and continued for 7 weeks while hospitalized. Many tests were ran and no cause could be found. She ended up with a picc line and tpn due to not being able to eat. Vomiting episodes last 1-5 days and then have a 1-2 day break in between. The malar rash almost always appears with the vomiting. She has severe nausea as well. Her gallbladder was removed and did not resolve symptoms. The following are the only issues to note: Nausea/vomiting (always dark green bile) Tachycardia during episodes (resting heart rate 125, walking 150) High blood pressure during episodes (145/99) Elevated alk-phos, alt, ast , GGT, Protein/potassium/blood in urine
All imaging done on livekidneys/etc normal. EEG normal, Ana negative (as well as other labs for lupus)
After 7 weeks of vomiting she stopped and was completely normal for 3 months, then suddenly started again 4 weeks ago. She had to have a port implanted due to not having access to veins because her potassium is constantly very low and the IV potassium causes OV to go bad very quickly. There have been no medications that control the vomiting. All meds for cyclic vomiting have been tried long term without any effect. The meds that help her slow vomiting the most are Valium/ativan and compazine as well as phenobarbital. Any ideas would be appreciated

I have a question about this topic. I have recently been diagnosed with POTS and I'm trying to understand the importance of sodium. Here is what I have gathered so far from what I've read but it may not be quite correct.
So if I'm understanding correctly, sodium helps increase blood volume, so if your blood volume is low, you will experience symptoms of hypovolemia that are nearly identical to the symptoms of POTS ( Hypovolemic POTS).
I also thought that INCREASING sodium intake could increase the likelihood of getting edema and/or water retention. I have this issue jn my feet and lower legs and hands/fingers at varying degrees, as well as blood pooling from standing for prolonged periods. One of the suggestions I've read online for reducing water retention/edema is REDUCING sodium intake.
I've read that a common symptom for POTS is edema. Is this symptom a result of POTS patients increasing their sodium intake? Is the increase of sodium helping the blood volume issue while simultaneously causing water retention?
I'm at a loss here because I take electrolyte capsules which have helped my symptoms compared to when I was without them. Last bloodwork I had done, after taking these capsules for over two weeks every day, my sodium, potassium, and magnesium were all within normal range. So I know I'm not overdoing the sodium.
My concern is my water retention is getting worse. A part of that is due to the warmer weather where I live, and being AFAB I get a bit of this naturally before my period. It's just been SO bad in my legs for over a year now, way before I knew what POTS was. Nothing has helped it fully go away, but I stopped medications that were making it worse (safely under my doctors instruction).
My legs don't have extreme swelling, but the pitting edema is apparent on parts of my feet, I have a lot of pain in the legs making it hard to stand and walk. They're really sore all the time. I get bad blood pooling where my feet get discolored and I have to elevate them.
It feels like there is no winning. if I decrease my sodium intake to fix the edema, my POTS symptoms will be worse, but if I increase my sodium intake to manage the POTS, my edema will be worse. I don't know if I can stand this constant heaviness in my legs anymore. It causes me to almost lose my balance multiple times a day. I've had other serious issues ruled out. No blood clotting or heart failure or any of that. Just constant persistent water retention no matter what. And it's only gotten worse over the last couple of months since diagnosis. Even before I added in the electrolyte pills.
If anyone could shed some light so I can understand this relationship, I'd appreciate the insight.
(Edit: I am also appreciative of any good resources, links, book recommendations to help expand my knowledge on all of this)

Having read a comprehensive book detailing the Hart Family/ Stampede Wrestling, as well as books by Bret Hart, Bruce Hart and Dynamite Kid, I can say it was great to hear from someone who was spoken about in all those books. It is fascinating to see all the intersecting points of view when it comes to anything Hart Family related.
Bret Hart book
Bruce Hart book
History of Stampede Wrestling book
History of the Hart Family as documented in various books
Dynamite Kid book
This book was short and a quick read, but you could tell it was written with honesty and truth. She doesn't shy away from her own mistakes and issues while detailing the own POV on a relationship where most people have only heard from Bret.
As always, it's done in chronological order. I hope you find it as interesting as I did...
Julie had a truly wild and horrific youth experience between being sent to juvenile detention centers and dealing with genuinely abusive step parents. She is honest and critical of her own behaviors as well and doesn't like the choices she made. I grew up in the area where she spent her teenage years, and I can confirm that the seedy ghetto areas of Saskatchewan are genuinely gross and terrifying places to be when you're young and directionless.
She talks about how she was r*ped while hitchhiking as a teenager and got pregnant. She gave the baby up for adoption and tried to press charges but got cold feet and ran to another neighboring city. She was afraid the man who assaulted her would escape the charges and come after her again. She was young and naively thought that if she had just switched towns, she could escape everything. When a cop found her, he accused her of running because she was lying about the assault. This type of bullshit is why women don't come forward.
Julie was working in Regina, Saskatchewan, at the arena where wrestling was held when it came in town. That's where she first saw Bret Hart, and Bret saw her too. He ended up asking her boss Gil to introduce the two. Bret spoke about this in his book, too, how Julie caught his eye while he was in the ring. Gil later warned Julie that dating a wrestler is risky because they have a lot of "stops on the road." Julie didn't understand that Gil wasn't criticizing or accusing Bret of anything, but how he knew how wrestlers were on the road, in terms of meeting women.
Julie speaks favorably on how Bret treated her younger sister Michelle (the future wife of Dynamite Kid) but I remember in Bret's book, him describing in detail how attracted he was to the underage Michelle when he met her. Julie says Bret treated her like a sister, and her book came out after Bret's, so I'll take her word for it.
Julie moved in with Bret in Calgary just a few months into their relationship and she remembers being a wreck of nerves and anxiety ay the start, unable to cook or even attend the big Hart Family Sunday dinner. Eventually, Bret got her out to the Hart house where she met Stu and Helen Hart. Helen was a sweetheart, but she remembers Stu eying her up and down, with Julie saying, "He gave me the once over." Adding, "Stu judged women on their teeth and legs." She said Stu stared at her teeth and legs as if she were a race horse he was inspecting.
Julie remembers how Stu would turn any conversation into something about wrestling. She mentioned being a Saskatchewan Roughrider fan (Canadian football team), and Stu went on a rant about Gene Kiniski, who briefly played for the Edmonton Eskimos This made me chuckle as Stu and Gene had a but of a rough relationship since Stu gave up on Gene when he was a rookie and hurt his knee. Gene went to Toronto where "Whipper" Billy Watson essentially turned Gene into the big name star he was known for.
In Bret's book, he described the first night Julie came to the Sunday Hart dinner and when Julie passed on the salad, Bret's sister Diana Hart snapped on her saying, "What, you're too good for fuckin' salad!?" Bret says his mom responded by saying to Julie, "So you met Bret's sister Diana." In Julie's book, she describes this event as well but doesn't mention the funny line from Helen. She says Bret just took Julie and decided to leave immediately. Bret's other sister, Georgia, followed them outside and apologized on behalf of Diana and excused Diana by pointing out how pregnant Diana was at the time.
Julie actually puts over Diana quite a bit and says she actually came to admire Diana for how outspoken she was. She says Diana had a great style and was a gifted artist. After reading so many Hart related books, it's refreshing to hear something positive about Diana. Diana is the "Black sheep" who married "The British Bulldog" Davey Boy Smith. Diana would write a scandalous and legal minefield of a book in 2001 called "Under the mat." It was quickly pulled from shelves after Owen Hart's widow Martha threatened legal action over what was said about her and Owen. Bret and Bruce Hart also denounce the book, calling it mostly lies, but not everything can be written off as fiction, including stories, some wild stores about Dean Hart. I desperately need this book.
Julie said she never got over the sight of Bret Hart eating an avacado as if it were an apple.
While Bret was in Japan wrestling with his brother Keith, Julie said she spent a lot of time with Keith's girlfriend. It was Keith's girlfriend who smartened Julie up to how wrestling works. Up to this point, she believed it to be legit, and even Bret had been selling it like this to her. She was furious, and when Bret called, she told him they were done and hung up on him. The next day, Bret's older brother Bruce stopped by to help her understand kayfabe and how silly it all was. Julie says she ended up feeling bad for reacting like that and yelling at Bret, but she says he forgave her immediately. Bret tells this same story in his book, adding details of how Julie would worry and stress about Bret Hart being brutalized every night.
Here's something I dont remember from Bret's book. He knocked up Julie very early into their relationship, and Julie got an abortion. She said they both weren't ready for being parents, but Julie says she was deeply saddened by their choice. She never expressed these misgivings with Bret, and assumes Bret was relieved, she didn't make it any more difficult on them. To Bret's credit, maybe he didn't mention it in his book for Julie's benefit. Or he did mention it very briefly, and I missed it.
Julie remembers accompanying Bret on a trip overseas where they went to a freaky sex show place where they had "baby tigers and lions and torture rooms."" She says at one point Bret got tied up on a table and was playfully whipped.
On this trip, Julie remembers a woman hitting on Bret right in front of her and had to yell at her to back off while Bret laughed. Julie was pissed and made them go back to the hotel. Once there, Julie was mouthing off to Bret before he grabbed her and "bodyslammed" her into the flower bed. He offered to help her up afterwards but she told him to fuck off.
A week later Bret came home smelling of perfume and Julie says she just snapped. She said she grabbed him and dug her finger nails into his face and eyes. She says Bret later would tell her that he never saw her the same after this incident. I don't remember Bret describing Julie ever getting physical like that in his book, but he did describe a lot of shouting matches.
Julie says she and Bret got married after her younger sister and Dynamite Kid. She says they got married in secret because Bret didn't like his siblings much and said they didn't deserve to be part of it.
When Julie was pregnant again this time they felt ready to start a family. Though Bret made Julie not tell anyone for the first 5 months of her pregnancy and when he "told" his parents, it was through a letter he left on their bed before he left for a wrestling tour. Julie remembers feeling hurt by this because Bret would say his parents always wanted their children to start families with someone who had money, a significant name and an education. Julie had none of those things and while she doesn't say it, you get the feeling that she thinks Bret was ashamed or embarrassed by her.
When she got pregnant again, she says Bret was mad at her for not being more careful with birth control. She says she became very irritable and bitchy throughout the pregnancy and always found something to be mad at Bret for. She is super critical of her behavior here and doesn't excuse it.
The night she gave birth, Bret left to go out for drinks, despite Julie asking him not to in case her water broke. When she woke up at 5am to her water breaking, she was furious that Bret didn't come home yet and had to call a friend to get her to the hospital. Bret was a no-show for her entire delivery and missed his second child being born. Julie says she was furious and seriously considered divorcing him then.
When Bret started touring with WWF, he was gone for much longer periods of time and this strained their marriage. Working for WWF really put a strain on Bret and filled him with confidence issues as well. She said between his self doubt and her loneliness, their marriage was barely holding on.
She remembers how Bret would call from the road and bemoan about how lonely he was. I'm reminded of his book, how he would complain about feeling lonely, then complain that the guilt of cheating on Julie was too much.
Julie says she got a literal itch and went to a doctor who told her that she caught "something" from a public washroom. A suspicious Julie went home and threw all her bedding in the garbage and then thought to check on her suspicion. She looked through their phone bills to find that Bret was placing a ton of calls to a girl from New Jersey and that he even kept the receipt for a Christmas present he bought this girl!
Julie describes how Bret called and she just screamed "I want a divorce!" Before she hung up and ripped the phone cord out of the wall. Eventually she agreed to go meet him and they started yelling at each other in a parking lot after a show. She says at one point Bret through a can of budweiser at her head, hitting her! She says wrestler Les Thorton got between the two and tried to calm them down. She remembers screaming how she won't get in the car with Bret and Bret yelled back, "Don't be stupid, get in the car! Your embarrassing yourself!" She says Bret later said the girl meant nothing to him and Julie should be greatful that Bret isn't addicted to drugs. Wild. At one point when they were back in the hotel room, a girl called the room asking for Bret and Julie snapped, breaking a lamp.
In Bret's book, he described how he decieved both Julie and this girl from New Jersey, neglecting to tell this side girl that he was married until she was head over heels in love with him. Bret talks about how tough this was for him and says that Stu and Helen Hart talked Julie out of leaving him.
Julie says their relationship was never the same after the affair. She couldn't trust him again.
Julie says when her grandmother died a few months after the affair, Bret was calling her everyday to check in but she said "I couldn't have cared less about those calls."
Julie says it was around this time that she and Bret started to regularly do cocaine. She said the coke helped her not think about the affair and how she would ask Bret to score some if she couldn't get it out of her head. She said she would do coke and sleep in the car just to avoid Bret. She suggests this all slowed down when Vince started cracking down on coke use with drug tests.
She speaks highly of Vince McMahon, this book was written in 2013, and she is greatful for what Vince was able to provide for her family and the opportunity he gave Bret. She says when she first met Vince, he was wearing a suit and sneakers. When she asked Bret why he wore sneakers, Bret said "so he can get around." During the show she noticed Vince was all over the place during matches, never sitting still and always running around from one person to another.
Julie remembers meeting Ozzy Osbourne at Wrestlemania 2 and "marking out" because he was her idol as a teenager. After the show, she says Ozzy was present as everyone had drinks at the hotel and Dynamite Kid spiked her drink. She said she could barely stand and Dynamite just laughed at her the whole time.
Julie notes how devoted Bret was to making sure his kids had the best toys, and how Bret would drive to every toy store before Christmas and find what the kids wanted. She appreciates this but also wishes Bret didn't miss so many plays and dances and activities due to his schedule. She was starting to really resent wrestling and wanted Bret to quit. She hated having this big house that felt empty most of the time without Bret home. In Bret's book, he wanted her to get a job to fix her loneliness.
She says her 3rd pregnancy was easier than her second and Bret was very sweet to her and praised how good she looked.
Julie brings up how devastated Bret was when his brother Dean died in 1990. She remembers watching him wrestle the next night at Survivor Series ppv and seeing the pain on his face. Bret talks about how tough this was in his book and how much shame he felt. Dean needed a kidney transplant and none of the Hart brothers stepped up. Bret didn't want to derail his career. Though you can't blame anyone more than Dean himself, who was stubborn and often went against doctors orders, so even with a mew kidney, Dean may have still died.
Julie talks about continuing her partying and drug lifestyle into the early 90s when she would party with a local band and inviting them to live at her house. She said Bret was very understanding and never pushed her for details on those nights out. Some nights Bret would watch the kids all night while Julie was getting fucked up and partying.
On of those musicians, Marc, was very close with Julie and while Julie never says she hooked up, she does say her younger sister Michelle did hook up with Marc, a bunch of times in secret. She doesn't specify if this was before or after Michelle left Dynamite Kid, but she says Marc did move in with Michelle and help her with the kids. This would have been after Dynamite went back to UK, since I'm sure Dynamite would have kicked the door down and attempted to murder Marc if this were in the final months of of Michelle and Dynamite's marriage.
Julie's brother committed suicide and Julie didn't have the support system around to prevent her from spiraling into heavy drinking.
In 1996, Bret Hart was filming a movie (Sinbad) in South Africa and halfway through, asked Julie to come join him. Julie is very honest about how she was self sabatoging her life at this point but was still deeply in love with Bret. She was excited to read an early draft of some Shakespeare work that was at a museum, but Bret couldn't be bothered to go with her so she went by herself.
She says her and Bret shared a perfect moment watching the sun set, but Bret got mad at her when she decided to record it.
Julie describes sneaking cigarettes because Bret didn't know she picked the habbit up again.
The trip ended when Julie was asking Bret something but he just ignored her several times in a row. When she finally looked at what had his attention, she saw he was gawking at a topless sunbather on the beach. She stormed off to the hotel room after telling Bret to show her more respect than that. Julie says Bret followed her to the room, with him saying she always ruins these trips. When Julie started packing her bags, she says Bret pushed her hard onto the bed. She started spewing insults at him, before, she says, Bret grabbed her by the hair and threw her from the bed and onto the floor! Julie says she started crying and demanding that Bret get her home immediately or else she would find someone who would. Bret screamed at her "Get the fuck out! I've had it with you! We're fucking done! I will put you on a plane tonight, but don't expect to win me back!"
Having read Bret's book, he does mention the trip to South Africa where he filmed the Sinbad movie. But Bret makes no mention of inviting Julie on the trip and instead points out how it coincided with a WWF tour in South Africa at the same time. Bret does talk about how the Dutch found the area and how beautiful itnwas there, which was something Julie mentioned as well that Bret talked about. Bret does mention getting a lot of ladies phone numbers on the last few days of the trip and seeing a drunk Yokozuna swapping spit with some South African PR woman when they were both very drunk. Bret makes no mention of Julie being there or how he got physical with her.
The Hart's always try to shy away from controversial truths, just ask any one of them where Bruce Hart met his wife. They will all say at a wrestling show, and neglect to mention how Bruce Hart was a 33 year old substitute teacher who knocked up his 17 year old student. Gross. (I'll never not bring this up when talking about the Hart's btw)
Julie talks about Mathew Hart, Georgia and BJ's son who died in 1996 from Necrotizing Fasciitis, a legitimate flesh eating virus. From everyone's account, the poor boy suffered for 2 weeks until he died. Julie says she and Bret took their kids on vacation when the poor kid died. A lot of people act as though the Hart Family curse started at the Screwjob in 1997, but really it started with Dean in 1990 and Mathew in 1996.
Julie remembers how gleeful Bret was when he called her up and bragged about giving a drunken Vince McMahon his tag team finishing move. Julie warned Bret that Vince wasn't the type to forget that and she suspects that it played a part in the screwjob. This sounds silly imo but what do I know, I found it an interesting and unique take if nothing else.
Julie remembers the morning of the 1997 Survivor Series ppv, someone warned Bret that Vince and Shawn were seen the night before talking and getting into an elevator together.
Julie says she and her lawyer were sitting somewhere in the arena as the Montreal Screwjob happened. Julie says she got up, looking at the monitor and said, "Holy shit, that's not supposed to happen!" And her lawyer, also shocked, said, "No, it is not."
Julie says she and the layer had to sprint to catch up to Bret and Vince and she describes her scolding of Triple H and Shawn Michaels, saying the words just poured out of her. It's maybe the most memorable scene of that documentary, watching Triple H and HBK shrink into children as Julie dresses them down.
Julie says the 1997 holidays were anything but cheerful and says she was boozing a lot and doing coke "from time to time."
Julie wanted to get a nanny or house keeper but Bret refused and put his foot down on the subject.
Julie says Bret asked for a divorce in early 1998 and she handled it poorly. She is critical of her immediate response to run away from home and stay at a hotel. When she returned home for clothes, her confused daughter asked her what was going on and a rageful Julie said "Your dad wants a divorce and I can't stay in the same house as him anymore! Julie says she was so blinded by her anger she didn't see the damage she was doing then.
Julie says that the Wrestling with Shadow's documentary crew needed Julie and Bret to reshoot something that didn't come out right when they originally shot it. So Julie and Bret had to pretend to be a in a marriage again talking things out about Bret's career. Julie says her and Bret slept together after they shot the scene and she was hurt when Bret said afterward, "One for the road, I guess."
The next time she heard from Bret, he told her to get a lawyer because he had one already.
Julie says she and Bret spent many nights yelling at eachother over the phone, with Bret calling her a whore and saying he didn't take all those bumps so Julie to take all his money. This is a statement Bret would repeat a lot to Julie over the years of them fighting. He would call her a money grabbing whore and how he didn't take a bunch of bumps so Julie could end up with the money.
Just as Julie was ready to sign custody papers, Bret's personal assistant contacted Julie and told her that Bret had been seeing some girl in the States for months. The assistant said she felt guilty arranging their meetups behind Julie's back. Julie said she later told Bret that she isn't signing shit and she needed to contact her lawyers with the new developments. She said Bret first tried denying it, calling his assistant jealous and a liar. Then Bret blamed Julie because Bret said he "couldn't get past her traumatic past." What the fuck Bret, I'm pretty sure he is referring to Julie being sexually assaulted as a teenager. (He makes this clear later in the book) Then he bragged about his new girl looking better than Julie and being younger than Julie, with Bret also saying the kids will love the new girl. Bret even later said Julie was getting heavier and letting herself go.
Pretty wild story here. Julie says that Bret started neglecting the kids, even when he was in town, and often skipped out on seeing them altogether. For Canada Day 1998 Bret promised to take them out and to the fireworks. Julie says they waited all day, expecting a fun evening with their dad. But Bret didn't show up with their friend Dean, until after 9pm, (stoned and drunk according to Julie) after Julie tried to call Bret repeatedly and got no answer.
Julie isn't proud of this, but says before Bret arrived that night, Julie had sat the kids down and told them Bret was off smoking pot with a new girlfriend. Julie knew immediately she shouldn't have said it, she saw her kids starting to cry and knew she tarnished how they look at their dad.
Bret was pissed off that Julie decided to take the kids to the fireworks, and when Julie had herself and the kids in the car, an enraged Bret started punching the drivers side window until Julie agreed to get out and talk.
Bret grabbed and dragged her off around the corner of the house where Julie defiantly told him that the kids know he smokes pot and is seeing someone else.
Julie says Bret snapped, slammed her hard up against the wall and yelled, "You bitch! I hate you! I hate you!" Then Julie claims that Bret grabbed her by the throat and slammed her on the ground where he continued to choke her until their son Blade came around the corner and screamed at Bret to get off his mom!
As Julie was catching her breath, their friend Dean, who was still there and in shock, tried to help Julie up. Bret took off with their son Blade and a panicked Julie called the police. She foolishly said to the 911 opperater that her husband pro wrestler, Bret Hart, had taken her child againt her will. The police arrived and seemingly didn't know who Bret was, tried to get Julie to press charges. The police were able to call Bret and convince him to bring the kid to the police station, so the cops could bring him home. Bret makes no mention of this in his book.
Julie says Bret stopped by the next day and apologized and tried to ask her to sit down for coffee. Julie explained how they scarred their children for life the night prior and she wasn't interested in speaking to him in friendly terms yet.
Julie defends Bret a bit by saying she could see in person that she wasn't the cause of his anger and that he was just deeply angry and disappointed with things. This would be 1998 and even Bret describes how bitter and despondent he was at this time. Julie says he stopped being around the kids and it hurt them, especially their boys Blade and Dallas who started getting a chip on their shoulders and seeking conflict. One time Julie asked Dallas about Bret and Dallas said, "He never calls and is never around."
Julie says things were getting stable but she and Bret started secretly sleeping together again and complicated things. She says Bret would pick her up and drove to a seedy part of town before casually dropping her off at home after. She says she was initially amused by this but eventually began to wonder how many other women Bret does this with. It made her feel uncomfortable to say the least.
One time as she was being dropped off, Julie asked Bret if he was happy. Bret said no and that he couldn't get happy. Then Bret asked if Julie was seeing anyone, but didn't let her answer, he just said "of course you are." Julie realizes now that Bret was suffering some deep depression and at the time she mistook codependency for love.
Eventually Bret's other girlfriend caught wind of his and Julie's rendezvous and made Bret break things off. Julie could hear the woman on the other end of the line when Bret called to inform Julie that they need to set boundaries in their relationship now.
Julie says Bret once called her to say he tested for hepatitis and that Julie should get checked out as well.
Julie later found out that the girl Bret was seeing was nearly the same age as their daughter.
Julie says her and Bret continued to sleep together behind his girlfriends back though, with Bret always asking for "coffee" before making a move, which Julie always reciprocated.
Bret would break up with his girlfriend near the end of 1998 and ask Julie if he can spend the holidays with her and the kids. Julie relents, and soon they seem to be trying to salvage their relationship with Bret more present then he ever has been.
Soon after the new year, Bret and Julie take a trip together to Hawaii. Julie finally builds up the courage to ask Bret what he thinks of them getting back together, and Bret says he doesn't want to get "trapped" again. Julie snapped and said, "That's it I'm done, I can't keep playing these games with you!"
During this conversation, as Julie was walking away, Bret randomly said, "My therapist said that sometimes girls, like the ones your age when all that stuff happens to you, they like it." Julie burst into tears and ran out of the room. What the fuck Bret, to imply that that when his wife was a 16 year old girl, she liked getting r*ped!
Helen Hart died a few weeks after 9/11 in 2001. She was from New York, and Julie remembers how devastated Helen was following the September attacks. Helen went back to New York a few weeks later to visit her sister, but due to the border concerns, she was held up for hours after her plane landed back in Calgary. She wasn't able to reach her insulin and eventually went into a coma.
Helen was on an off ventilation a few times while at the hospital, and one day Alison (Bret's sister) called and told him to come visit asap, because Helen was back on a ventilator and it wasn't looking good. Bret thought Alison being an alarmist and decided to visit the next day. Julie says she wishes they had visited that night, because Helen passed away a few hours later.
One afternoon, Julie came home to find her son Dallas on the phone, when she asked him who he was speaking to, Dallas said, "It's dad, but he sounds drunk." Bret told Julie that he fell off his bike and couldn't get up. He wasn't speaking clearly and couldn't properly explain where he was. Julie and her daughter Beans, drove around looking for Bret based off his perception and directions.
Julie and Beans found him laying casually in the grass, as if he was resting. She said one of Bret's eyes was wide open and the other was closed, and half his mouth was dropping. She struggled to move him as he slurred his words and insisted he was fine. Eventually an ambulance was called and Bret was loaded in.
Julie says the stroke changed him, made him mooder and more depressed. She isn't casting judgment, just pointing out changes she noticed as she spent every day at the hospital with him, helping to feed and cloth Bret, even helping him to the bathroom.
Julie remembers one night that Bret confided in her that he feared he got a stroke as punishment for all the bad things he done. He told her that the morning he got a stroke, he was planning on signing the divorce papers.
Several months later, with Bret moving aorund more, he spent Easter with Julie and the kids, but Julie found an email from some woman in Italy, directed to Bret and it suggested some heavy sexual stuff. Julie felt stupid and used again. When she confronted him on it, he denied anything and she reluctantly believed him.
A week later as Bret prepared for a trip, she found a plane ticket to Italy, when she asked Bret where he was going, he said England. Julie drove him to the airport and told him to get the fuck out.
Bret went to Italy to be with a fan he met at a contract signing, who was obsessed with him since she was a little girl. Julie says she is exactly what Bret needed to feel like the Hitman again. After reading Bret's book, this assessment is completely accurate.
The Italian woman's name was Cynthia and she was also just a year older than Bret's daughter Jade. Julie said Jade had the hardest time accepting Cynthia, whom Bret was determined to integrate into the family.
When Bret's dad Stu died, Julie remembers how she, Bret and Stu's granddaughter Jenni all stood by the bed and watched as he passed. She remembers how she kissed his cheek and told him he could go see Helen now, he didn't need to be here and longer. I remember the speech Stu gave at Helen's funeral, with one line in particular staying with me, "I'm glad for the time I had with her," he said full of love, but his pain was on display too, "Ill never get over this" he finished solemnly, "I don't have enough time."
Julie remembers one day that their son Blade called her from Bret's house, begging for her to pick him up. Blade and Bret started arguing about Cynthia, with Bret saying to his own son, "Don't make me pick between you and Cynthia, because I'll pick Cynthia! And if you don't like it you can get the fuck out!"
Julie started calling Bret "Hitman" when he acted like this to his children, with Julie telling them that their father still loves him and not to worry about what The Hitman says, because it's coming from a broken mind.
One day after Julie bought a house, Bret randomly showed up with a turkey and tried to hit on her. Julie found it amusing and asked him if Cynthia knew he was there. Bret tried to make a move on her but Julie made it clear that won't happen so Bret left. As he left, he told Julie, "I still have cravings for you and I'm not sure I'll ever get over them." To which Julie just cooly responded with, "You will."
After Bret left that day, Julie called his assistant who confirmed that Cynthia was literally on a plane back to Italy right then. Julie laughed at how pathetic it was for Bret to say goodbye to Cynthia and then an hour or two later, show up at Julie's with a turkey and looking for sex.
Bret secretly married Cynthia and months later told the kids after the fact. Their son Blade was so furious he could barely speak to Julie when he got home and eventually blurted out, "Dad married that girl!" Their other son Dallas was also furious and explained how Bret callously told the kids "tell your mom, make sure you tell your mom." He was clearly trying to hurt Julie and used the kids to do so.
When Bret was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame in 2006, Julie insisted on going and told Bret if he doesn't find a way for her to be there, then she would call Vince McMahon herself and arrange it. Bret promised her she would be there but asked her to be discreet about it.
Julie got asked to do an online interview leading up to the Hall of Fame, and she let slip that she would be at the show to support Bret. Later, an irate Bret called her, yelling about how she was supposed to be discreet. Julie clued in on the fact that Bret didn't tell his new wife yet about Julie coming and now he was in hot water. In the end, Bret refused to allow Julie to come to the Hall of Fame to support him.
In Bret's Hall of Fame speech, he just talked about his new wife and how Cynthia was there for him after his stroke and just put her over big. He didn't mention Julie and only mentioned 2 of his 4 children. She says her children were extremely hurt by this and calls it the ultimate betrayal.
Julie started running low on money in 2008 and even attempted to be on a reality show. It was all a BS scam though and she had to invest money into it and eventually it all fell through. She speaks of this with a bit of shame while framing it as something she learned from.
Julie was facing bankruptcy and foreclosure on the house, so as a last resort, she called Bret. She asked him for 9 grand to cover 3 mortgage payments so she can sell the house. Bret chastised her for having money problems before ultimately saying no. He suggested that she rent the house out or have the kids pay rent. As they left, Julie warned him that if she loses the house, Bret may need to take the kids at him place. She doesn't say what he said to this, but she does say, "His response was too cruel to put into writing." Good lord, considering all she told so far, I wonder what Bret said that was so bad, Julie didn't want to even write it down?
Julie does point out that Bret didn't owe her a damn thing and she was in this situation by her own doing. Julie felt like she was letting her kids down most of all.
Julie would move in with her daughter Beans where they split the rent together. She got a job making $14/hour working as a janitor at a local middle school and Julie notes that she was living well below the poverty line.
Julie remembers how absurd it was for her to show up to her janitor job driving a Lexus.
Julie ended up selling her Lexus to her daughter Beans, and Julie bought herself a 1999 Sunfire. It was the first car she ever bought with her own money.
Julie's father died in 2012 and Julie says she wrote a letter to him, promising to make him proud, and stuffed it inside his coffin.
Julie says she spends most of her days being a grandma to Jade's daughter and how grateful she is to be close to her kids still.
Bret can't say the same, Julie notes how he travels alone or with his wife and never offers invites to his kids. She says it breaks her heart to see how far Bret drifted away from their children, even if all her kids insist that they don't care. This was in 2013, so potentially Bret and his kinds could have a better relationship by now.
Julie spends the last several pages of the book detailing her kids and all the ways she loves them. You can tell she is a mother first and foremost, you can tell she loves them unconditionally. Jade, Dallas, Beans and Blade, weird names for kids but I also have a weird name so I can't judge.

[First] [Previous] [Next]
Edited by sensei WaveOfWire
- - - - -
Everything had gone exceptionally well for the farmer, despite the daunting task forced into her talons. Kegara had ordered her to begin a march east in search of the expected banished by sunrise—not alone, but in a group of fourteen others. She thought it was too many for such a task, and would assuredly catch the ire of the abhorrent; the more Malkrin present, the more creatures would pursue them…
It was a risk. One she was willing to take if her beloved was safe, but he pleaded for her to find a way to avoid it. Unfortunately, were she to stay, it would land her in the worst of Kegara's rage. The orange-skinned female would have been made a gruesome example for those who disobeyed, tied up in the center of the camp and… She did not wish to think of what ghastly fate would have awaited her.
So, in the dark of night, her and the baker’s plan of escape was struck. Perhaps it was foolish to leave their safety behind, but considering the blood-moon and forced orders, was it truly ‘safe?’ They would gather their pitiful belongings and set off in the direction of the previously ostracized members—the water worshiper, and four others. There was little hope of finding them, less so after the blood-moon, but with so few of them, there was still a chance they evaded the beasts and the warped oddities of the mainland altogether. Maybe if the field hand and her mate could find them, they could start their own settlement. At least, those were her thoughts when she set out…
Her initial reaction to being thrust into the open wilderness was nothing short of horror. Indistinct animalistic screeches, otherworldly hums, and unsettling creaks from trees sent chills down her spine throughout the night. Hazy shadows underneath the dim moonlight crawled like creatures, stalking… prowling around the mated pair. Every step she made was made in pure uncertainty, every pace bringing her further into an abyss of unseen nightmares. Maybe Kegara would not have punished her so severely… Maybe it would have been best to stay where it was safe.
But, she continued. She stayed strong. She had to.
They had already ventured too far, and it was her job to protect her love. Her tail wrapped possessively around his waist as he stuck close to her. Morning would break soon, and they would be far away from the brutish paladin… Free to start anew. It would be difficult, but the two of them were far from incapable of fending for themselves; they learned enough in the way of survival from their time on the mainland and their respective professions, despite both being from the Golden City.
- - - - -
They were able to survive the night, persevering well into the day by making crude implements and harvesting what they could. They had even managed to discover a large cave perfect for their habitation! It was dry and large enough for a fire, though it went deeper than expected. Food and cooking arrangements were their prerogatives, so they elected not to scour it any further as it would only be a waste of their time. They worked tirelessly until the sun set beyond the red expanse of trees. Her love busied himself with making the smooth gray walls into a home by gathering small resources and forming makeshift beddings, while she had gone out to hunt. By the luck of the Mountain God, she managed to bring back not one but two feathered creatures, each of which were more than plump enough to feed the mated pair for the evening.
Her aching feet patted against the grass, the blades poking her worn soles. The vegetation swayed from side to side in the weak breeze, almost appearing to celebrate her small victory with her. The cavern entrance came into view, its shape too small for her frills to fit under. The edges were covered in pinkish moss, giving it a distinct feel compared to the rest of the biome. Perhaps it was a sign of the Mountain God’s will for them to inhabit it. The moist malleable moss stretched further inside, resembling small veins inside the larger chasm.
She ducked underneath the mouth of the cave, appreciating the yellow reflections of an ongoing fire from within, each flick casting long shadows over every rock edge. Yet once she entered the homely cavity, the flames were the only thing present… Her eyes scanned the room for Baker, only finding an unused leafy bed, piles of edible berries, and a stack of wood. A shock of anxiety bolted up her spine, sharply settling on her frills like cold ice. Where was her mate?
She stepped forward, her webbed toes pressing into… liquid. Her eyes shot toward the ground, the orange-skinned female only now realizing how slick the floor really was. Viscous moisture clung to her leg, stretching across like mucus. The room was… dry before. Her initial thought that it was blood, but that was easily proven false by the thin film’s clear color. That did not ease her worries, however; her betrothed was still out of sight. Perhaps he left to forage, or was possibly looking for her?
A deadened wet thwack from further inside the cave echoed throughout the room, drawing her attention and causing her ears to perk up. Baker…?
She squinted down the black corridor, its sturdy stone now only reflecting the low howl of the cavern’s natural wind. Her eyes stayed locked on it as she slowly grabbed a makeshift torch and set it alight with the campfire. It had to have been her mate down there. Perhaps the tunnel curved so that she was unable to see his torchlight? What was he doing in the dark? Was he searching for something? Food perhaps?
She was already heading toward him before she considered any other possibility. Short drips accompanied her footfalls into the talon-width thick liquid that proliferated along the ground, grabbing onto her every time she raised her foot with a disgusting sucking noise. Her skin soon felt a similar spreading moisture from the humid cave, a low heat building up as she went. It would have been welcoming if not for the sick feeling that settled in her stomach.
The flickers of her torch illuminated the smooth cave walls and the ever-present pink moss that accompanied them. The ‘flora’ grew in volume and presence, stretching everywhere in random lines, often crossing and connecting with one another into larger segments. It eventually lost its fuzzy texture, only a moist reflective red taking its place. The way it almost appeared to… pulse in sync with the surrounding ambience only furthered the notion of veins and arteries…
A creeping sense of wrongness etched itself in her mind. Her ears slowly drooped down and her back hunched as her wide eyes failed to make out anything a pace or two in front of her. She scoured the blackness for anything and everything as the stone path ebbed and flowed, bringing her further down into the heart of Ershah.
thwack
A startling yet familiar noise halted her advance. She stepped back, swiveling her head around wildly to locate its source. Nothing made its presence known. There was only a permeating darkness within the… tunnel… She froze. When did the corridor become so large? Just before, she was able to stretch her arms to reach both sides of the walls, but now… Now it was open like the ocean, the blackness surrounding her entirely, obscuring… everything. She couldn’t see the entrance, nor the ceiling. Her pitiful torch illuminated the ground below her and nothing more.
Plip... Plip… Plip. The dripping continued, now suddenly an overbearing presence… like that of a predator’s breath riding down one’s neck.
Her breathing quickened, eyes widening. Was her mind playing tricks on her? Hesitant paces backward drew her into what she presumed was the direction she came from. It was no use. Further and further she went into the abyss, finding nothing but more of the tenebrous expanse.
The only true sense afforded to her was hearing… Every stifled breath, every wet footstep, and every flick of her torch felt deafening and… revealing. She was but a spark in the wider cavern, waving herself down as prey in the unseen eyes of what awaited her. Something could have been right behind her, and she would have been none the wiser… especially with no wall to guard her back…
A shiver ebbed through her frills. Would it be wise to suffocate her only flame to cover her presence? She stopped her palm from doing so, realizing that the fire was her only light. If its illumination perished, she would be trapped in the abyss with no way out… She needed to leave. She had to find the tunnel. It was—
“Fa…r...mer?” a voice croaked out, its intent shaky and bogged down in black tar.
Her shoulders stiffened, back straightening as she turned toward its direction. It was… Baker’s… but it felt uncanny… foreign. Was that even his? It had to be. M-Maybe he was harmed, too injured to move? Perhaps it was a broken frill? It would make sense. She had to find her mate… no matter how much his pained voice terrified her. That was why she was here in the first place…
The thickness of the viscous ground liquid increased as nervous footsteps brought her closer, the air around her getting warmer with each pace. She called out hesitantly, praying for a positive response.
“B-Baker? Are you there?”
Another wet, fleshy sound echoed through the large cavern, followed by a sickening crack. Then, his voice returned. It was much clearer this time, despite the aura of unsettling… distortion to it.
“Come… closer.”
Her steps were tentative, but she continued forward. Everything around her screamed something was amiss, but that painful string in her heart told her to never let her lover go. He was in pain. He was clearly suffering. Why should she ignore the one who warmed her heart with a simple smile just because she was perturbed by unproven nervousness?
Labored breaths filled her ears as she descended a small incline toward her mate. The shin-high murky liquid at the bottom was ignored, only becoming a small nuisance as her long strides carried her across the unknown fluid. Her motions caused it to sway in all directions, the ripples and turbidity preventing her from seeing what caused the squishy feeling beneath her feet. It smelled putrid, though not like that of rot… The scent was something she could not place, yet it was consuming with how it pierced her nostrils with its presence. It hardly mattered. She was close to him, she could feel his very presence in front of her. She could almost hear the breathing of…
Her torch lit up a rock… no… a figure. It was upright, but its head was pointing downwards. She couldn’t see the legs well, but she did notice how its… his familiar gray arms hung limply.
Baker!
Joy and anxiousness ran thick within her intent. “My dear! Are you okay? W-What has happened to you?”
She received no response for an unsettlingly long moment before his head shook… loosely… Like that of a puppet, reminding her of the black abyss that surrounded everywhere his body was not… It hid something.
“Come… Closer.”
“…W-What? No… M-My Dear… I…” In a moment of fear she raised her torch closer, illuminating everything.
Flesh surrounded him wholly, replacing his legs with undulating tubes and wet meat. Tendrils attached to his back, pulsing from their ceiling-bound origins. His limp arms moved slowly… falling… melting. The very skin slopped off onto into the pile of red beneath him with a sick thwack.
She jumped backwards, but the viscous liquid beneath her held tight. She couldn’t move. Her torch flickered and flared as she fumbled with her footing.
Lumps and nodules swelled from that thing’s chest, the very organs within rearranging. Deafening cracks and vile squelching echoed. The skin down his center slowly tore itself apart, strings of sinew breaking like twine to reveal malformed limbs within.
She ripped her legs from the grappling pond beneath, doing everything in her power to turn away.
But it was no use.
Bolts of force perforated her body. Agony seared every surface of her body.
The chest had burst open, sending several tendrils right through her. They squirmed and extended into her, moving like worms. They ripped and melded to her own flesh. Roaring pain flowed through her being like fire and lightning, consuming her wholly.
She screamed, but nothing escaped her lungs. Blood and tissue filled them. She needed to rip at the invading terror, but could not move. The red abomination pulled them for her; a sickening puppet of muscle.
Everything faded. No pain. No breathing. No sight.
The last thing she saw were the sockets in which her beloved’s gorgeous yellow eyes once laid, now replaced with pulsing meat.
She missed them… dearly.
\= = = = =
Several days of ridicule and a merciless sea voyage were sure to have an adverse effect on one’s mental state—being cast out of one’s own religion even more so. Some would perhaps cope with such by lashing out against those higher up the mountain than themselves. Others might resign themselves to prayer and labor, hoping to fit back into place within God’s graces. However, an exceptional case may change the way one perceives their circumstance.
The script-keeper and her village-mates were hardy people, having survived the worst of the Gods’ trials and then some—rogue waves from the water worshippers, grand storms from the Sky Goddess, and great famines brought from those who sinned before the Mountain God. They persevered through their community, pooling what little they had and relying upon one another to get through. She had seen it for fifty winters.
Now, eight of them have been stripped of those they became interdependent on, thrown forth into an uncertain abyss with only the clothes on their backs. Yet, by the luck of the Gods, the very shore they came upon happened to be owned by that of a diety-sent. Perhaps it was a sign from the Gods that there was hope for them yet…
And it took all of a singular night to prove that assumption correct. The four Malkrin that followed the star-sent freely regaled their struggles with the vile wilderness and the cruelty of the only other settlement before they met with the Creator. Their opinions on Kegara’s settlement were duly noted, but not taken to heart as they were just that: opinions. The script-keeper would have to see it for herself; feeble belief in the words of few should not sway the mind of someone, especially with her profession. Still, the stories of the abhorrent were taken much more seriously, since despite the confidence shared by the few females about defeating them, the elderly Malkrin could certainly see their ears droop in disquietude when the topic was broached. Furthermore, the other more elusive star-sent refused entirely to elaborate on her experience with the beasts when the paladin wrapped her into the conversation.
Fine new clothes, filling meals, and protective castles could only do so much… In the splendor and awe, the script-keeper understood it could only cover up the aching wounds each of the villagers had come here with. She knew the lumberjack quite well, commonly having to assist her with purchasing and selling items across the sea… the very same sea that now separated the woman from her mate. God knows how the wood-cutter felt now.
All the elder knew from the sparse conversations she had with the orange-skinned female was that she wished not to think of it anymore. To which, the harvester did just that, delving into the work allotted to her without a second thought, and basking in the benefits of the star-sent. Much was the same for the others from their island—their hopes of returning to the Land Kingdom having already been thoroughly sundered by the inquisitors. The script-keeper was not privy to everyone’s pains, but she knew they were similarly prepared to shelve them away in service of building themselves anew with this peculiar situation.
\= = = = =
Female Malkrin eat a lot. Seriously, all the meal boxes Harrison and Akula had prepared were ran through like crab rangoons at a buffet. There were a few left, but certainly not enough for dinner that night—and especially not for the winter, much to his displeasure. The engineer wasn’t looking forward to cooking anymore than he already had… But, he had a trick up his sleeve. Not only did the green fisherwoman know how to use the kitchen, but their little camp just so happened to have another who was experienced in the culinary arts.
Around the time they put their tools down for lunch, Harrison was approached by the pink-colored chef who was assisting with some of the masonry prior. He was apprehensive, yet his eyes were practically sparkling when he asked about the barbecue sauce, spices, and common vegetables. The engineer had a bit of time before he needed to get back to work, so he gave in. They conversed about it over their meal, the human explaining the ingredients and methods of making several types of dishes while the several Malkrin in attendance listened intently.
That was around the time he got the idea: why not have Akula teach the cook how to use the barrack’s kitchen? She was pretty reluctant to return to cooking… until he reintroduced her to her new sous-chef, giving her the task of overseeing the male’s modern culinary equipment and meat smoking tutorial.
Harrison didn’t know exactly why she seemed happier then. It could have been something about her prejudices, just having someone else to help her, or something… else… That didn’t matter to him. As long as the job was done, he was happy—especially since it meant he could focus on other projects.
Take the entire home they were building for example; it was practically completed by the time the chefs were sent off to make dinner. They were working on it since dawn—the engineer was still incapable of sleeping—digging the foundation behind the barracks, layering the brick walls, and getting the wooden supports down in record time. Having several extra Malkrin around made the labor requirement almost trivial, even if he needed to ensure they were doing the job right by constantly keeping a close eye on them. It also helped how eager some of them were to settle in with their tasks—the fisher twins and the lumberjack specifically.
The new arrivals were definitely a lot more lively than last night, that was for sure. They held onto caution in the morning, but that broke rather quickly after they got more accustomed to Harrison’s group and received basic clothing—literally just sturdy plaid shirts and black pants. Cera’s—the ceramist’s newly accepted name, created by Tracy’s shorthand of her profession—tendency to look out for the group also had a hand in the change from guarded acceptance to genuine and vocal appreciation. She did as much as she could to ease their burden by offering water or a helping hand whenever she and the lumberjack weren’t busy bringing wheelbarrows full of clay to the workshop. The two new males gladly accepted both, but the females were quite set on keeping their honor, completing their share of the work ‘with their own talons.’
Then, there was the juvenile. He didn’t want to force a kid to work, but the decision apparently wasn’t his. She quietly joined her older village-mates in hauling wheelbarrows full of bricks to and from the workshop. She didn’t seem upset nor did she seem too enthused about it. His singular attempt to persuade her otherwise was only returned with a terse shake of her head before she continued working. She didn’t like to show much emotion, that was for sure. Were all Malkrin teens like that, or was it because of her situation? Christ… the fact that she was sent to the mainland without her parents—or at all—rubbed him the wrong way. It was fucked, but at least she would be safe here… or as ‘safe’ as was possible.
That was the other job of the day: defense via the new fabricator. Tracy helped out a good bit with organizing and designing the second barracks for the first half of the day, thoroughly combing through the engineer’s ideas and ripping out the ‘brutalist’ and ‘soul-crushing’ lack of ‘real’ architecture. She inserted her own ideas, further backed up by the input of Craftsman’s prior experience, making for an admittedly more pleasant-looking layout of the house’s exterior and interior. It would end up looking vaguely like a white-brick colonial house, but with less ‘posh noble,’ instead making use of Germanic-style exterior wooden supports. It was just big enough to fit eight Malkrin-sized cots, space for movement between them, and all the basics such as lighting, airflow, and a little bit of storage on top—because, what was a building without storage? Luckily for the tradeswoman, it hardly used any more resources than his original plans, so he allowed it.
After that, Tracy realized there wasn’t much else for her to do, so she returned to their other project. The technician did well in assembling the most basic parts, working well throughout the day to complete the forging and welding components. Again, having someone else to do help with a job that big was a massive blessing, cutting off hours of time he would have had to slave away in the workshop.
Hours of time that he was able to use for overseeing the now-completed barracks, simultaneously teaching the Malkrin and getting a feel for how to best utilize their strengths with a substantial amount of help from the craftsman. The male did a bang-up job at explaining tasks and concepts to the others. Much better than Harrison was able to. Once more, it was a job the engineer was more than happy to let someone else take off his hands. The olive-colored Male was perfect for the job anyway, having the technical know-how and experience explaining similar things to Malkrin back on the islands, so the pioneer trusted the task to be completed with little issue.
Now, the day was finally reaching a close, ending with the settlement eating their dinner by the fire. There were a few more benches made to give everyone a seat. That meant the radius had to be extended somewhat, but that wasn’t anything a bigger fire couldn’t fix. Plus, the alien’s intent meant that he could still hear clearly from anyone around the pyre.
The muted sounds of silverware clanking against meal boxes and plates were muddled by the constant breeze. The flames lazily flickered in all directions, casting shadows along the flowing grass, each person in attendance being doused in a mellow orange. The Malkrin conversed with one another over their meals, each sitting in pairs on the furniture. Shar was out on guard patrol, so Tracy ended up taking the seat beside him. It was a bit of a surprise given how much she preferred to stay in the workshop, but he didn’t mind her taking a break—she deserved it. If anything, it should have been him on the fabrication floor, picking up where she left off.
“…Hey…” Tracy’s soft, worried voice took him from his thoughts.
“Hm?” He lazily looked down at the shorter woman beside him, her legs swinging as they couldn’t quite reach the ground.
She worriedly raised her brows. “You alright, dude? You’ve had some major bruised eye action going on all day. Did you even get any sleep? I didn’t even see you when I woke up.”
“No, I actually didn’t—” He held up a palm, stopping the technician’s troubled response. “—but it’s more because of that potion… thingy… Cera gave me. I don’t feel tired at all.”
Her face contorted in confusion, the shadows cast by the fire’s glow emphasizing it further. “The… potion…? Oh, yeaaaah, right. It was supposed to help you with dizziness, I think, but it also prevents you from feeling tired. How does it even feel? Like taking an energy drink, or something else?”
He held out his arm, tracing a finger along it. “I just feel like I’ve got pins and needles all along my skin… and I don’t feel like sleeping. That’s it really, so sort of like taking a bunch of caffeine.”
Her brows dropped in faux-annoyance. “That can not be healthy for you. Have you checked up on yourself with the scanner? If not for that, then at least the radiation? Maybe the fuzzy stuff is from all those grays of radiation you received?”
“I did… I did, don’t worry. The scanner had nothing besides the usual, so I guess it was just a good bit of caffeine or something… I don’t know. It’ll probably wear off soon, though.”
She nodded, returning her gaze to the fire. Her voice mellowed, just barely loud enough to reach his ears. “Good. The aliens were worried sick about you, yesterday, ya know—Shar ‘specially… and so was I…”
He hardly heard that last part, barely able to piece it together seconds after she muttered it. He wasn’t trying to make them worried, it was just a part of being on this planet. Every day was a new close call. The first blood moon, that pink monster, the workshop ambush, the second blood moon, and now the anomaly field all terrified him, haunting his very dreams with brief flashbacks of those sights and sounds. Though, they all served to teach him, forcing him to stay on his toes and never stay complacent… Which was something he was doing now.
He had plans in the works already—the new fabricator being the crux of at least half of them—but what could he do currently? How could he prepare? Or, at the very least, what could he do to advance the group further?
Their day-to-day jobs had already been discussed, plans for a new wood storage building were already made, and his work on the printer was cut out for him tonight… Okay. Well, what could he prepare for in the future? Defense? Of course, now that people were going to be out doing their own jobs, they would be too spread out to protect everyone at once.
There were two components to any solution for that problem: reconnaissance and protection. The first was self-explanatory. If he had, say, a few dozen drones scouting around where people were, it would take a lot of the surprise out of random swarms. That would give people time to either return to the castles… modules… or prepare themselves to take the bugs on. That led him to the second part. Firearms help to kill spider-crabs, but are also pretty dangerous in the wrong hands… He was more than willing to trust the Malkrin he knew with guns to defend themselves, but he couldn’t just start handing them out to strangers. Maybe in time, though. There were always other means of protection, anyway; Kegara’s camp was apparently alive and well, despite practically being from the stone ages.
Cera, Akula, and Shar were most certainly getting some firepower, that was for sure. He’d have to think about what sort of weapons would suit them. That also brought up the current metal deficit… and his gunpowder was running out quite quickly…
That was definitely something he wanted to get on before the next blood moon. He wanted to revisit that metal cave he saw when the paladin and the fisherwoman got cornered by three colossi. He hadn’t analyzed the chunk of ore he hacked off yet—he’d been pretty damn busy—so it was about time he figured out whether or not he had a nearby source of metals. It would be a damn blessing if it was aluminum or iron, despite only being a surface deposit. No matter what it was, it was sure to be of use.
Then there was the gunpowder issue. The last time he checked, there was enough to last him for at least the next blood-moon, but it wasn’t enough for several other firearms, especially if he wanted anything automatic. There were three main ingredients—potassium nitrate, sulfur, and charcoal—which were essential for the production of any explosives. Charcoal was already solved for them, and potassium nitrate could practically be made out of thin air and water, considering they were right by an ocean. Bless the Ostwald process and acid-base neutralization.
The only real issue was sulfur… Christ, natural elements sucked. Either he had to deal with excessive organic recycling of amino acids… or go and mine the stuff directly, and there weren’t any obvious volcanic deposits or fault lines around. Neither of those methods sounded great.
Again, that would have to come later. He needed that fabricator done first and foremost. Then he could deal with the assorted problems that followed it and, well, every other compiling issue. Material harvesting tools, automatic defenses, larger fortifications, and radio-protectant armor were but a few of the big-ticket items on his mind.
Cera’s concoction was still running through his veins anyway, so he might as well finish the printer while he was at it. It looked like he wasn’t sleeping tonight either.
- - - - -
[First] [Previous] [Next]
Next time on Total Drama Anomaly Island - Hard work. Good company.

My daughter is 3.5 and has had 2 enlarged lymph nodes in her neck as long as I can remember. She has in the past year not had much of an appetite, and screened for possibly having celiac disease on her blood work. The specialist wasn’t sure and just let it be for the time being. I took her recently to get an ultrasound and the results read “Few oval lymph nodes are seen in bilateral cervical stations with maintained fatty hilum. Lymph nodes measures 1.7 x 1.2 x 1 cm on right side and 1.7 x 1.8 x 0.8 cm on left side. Lymph nodes demonstrate generally preserved architecture. No conglomeration or suppuration noted.
IMPRESSION: 1. Bilateral cervical lymph nodes demonstrate generally preserved architecture. These are nonspecific but may be physiologic/reactive in nature. No findings of conglomeration or suppuration.”
The doctor didn’t want to do any further investigation. However last week she has been complaining about being lethargic. So I took her back in a requested they run blood work again. The results CBC Panel WBC- within normal range RBC- within norma range Hemoglobin- within normal range Hematocrit- within normal range MCV- within normal range MCH- 26.1 (Low) range (27-33) MCHC- within normal range RDW- 14.9 (high) range (0-14.7) MPV- within normal range Platelet Count- 486 (High) range (130-400) Monocytes Auto- 0.9 (High) range (0.1-0.8) Eosinophils- Normal Basophils- Normal Left Shift- Not present Poikilocytosis- slight Microcytosis- slight Ovalocytes- slight Burr Cells- slight Platelet Estimate, Smear- increased (out of range) Send Rate Westergren- Normal C-Reactive protein- Normal Sodium- Normal Potassium- Normal Chloride- Normal Carbon Dioxide Total- Normal Anion Gap- Normal BUN- Normal Creatinine serum- 0.34 (Low) range (0.51-1.17) Glucose- Normal Calcium- Normal Protein- Normal Albumin- Normal ALP- Normal AST- Normal Bilirubin- Normal ALT- Normal E-GFR- No Value LDH- 304 (high) range (135-225) Ferritin- Normal Vitamin D- Normal TSH- Normal
I am really freaking out, especially since I have had lymphoma when I was 20. I can’t remember the details of my blood work though, and it was advanced when I found out. I’m very worried for her. I’d appreciate any response. The doctor won’t be in touch until Monday and I would like to prepare myself for the call.

I'm taking sodium-potassium-magnesium fasting salts but only for the past 12 hours because Amazon. I supplemented with sea salt prior to their arrival. I'm very hydrated. As per my testing strips I'm in deep ketosis.I don't feel hungry or anything. My mood is normal. I'm just kinda lackluster, low motivation for any sort of work (I'm typically hyper-motivated)and maybe slightly weak. Suggestions, advice and info on what to expect going forward? I'm trying for 14 days. I have a very important triple memorial happening at my house on the 24th so "go easy and rest" isn't in the cards rn. Thanks, guys.

Hey everyone, I hope you guys are having a better weekend than we are. I’ll try to keep this concise but I do want to preface this by saying that I’ve already taken him to the ER yesterday morning and we spent five hours there, I’m just looking for further guidance.

• Name: Mister
• Age: exact unknown, around 12 is what we believe
• Species: American shorthair
• Previous medical history: declawed by previous owner at unknown age, chronic bronchitis and/or asthma, possible mild heart murmur but nothing any of my vets have been concerned about

Yesterday morning we woke up and realized my boy wasn’t acting right. He’s usually an extremely talkative, curious man who demands breakfast at 8am sharp every morning without fail. While I was getting ready for work, however, he was just laying on the bathmat next to me and made no noise.
Most of the time he’s also trying to jump up on the sink and lean against me while I’m getting dressed. There was a point where I noticed he was trying to stand up but seemed very unsure of his balance, so he remained laying on the rug.
Once I left the bathroom he followed me, but laid in a corner of the room curled in on himself silently. I gathered his breakfast, expecting him to be at my heels screaming in anticipation but he didn’t even look my way while I opened the package. When I brought it to him he was entirely uninterested and continued to lay curled in on himself.
I noted this as odd, but continued to get dressed.
At a point he stood up and tried to walk towards me, but stumbled and fell sideways. He’s had minor balance issues since I got him, but nothing I was told to be concerned about. He stood up again but wobbled and fell over, stood up and could not keep his balance. That’s when I took him to the ER (VEG in particular if anyone is familiar).
Here’s what we learned at the ER:

• blood tests: perfectly healthy, nothing at all of note. Potassium was perfect, liver and kidney function perfect, insulin was fine, etc. no concerns from the vet
• blood pressure: heart rate a little low, but pressure perfect and nothing she was concerned about
• temperature: low body temperature upon arrival (but I also drove with the ac on to the point that when we arrived I realized my own fingers were freezing, but I was so worried about getting him there I didn’t even realize it was on). They kept him under the hot air blanket the entire time and his temperature eventually came up
• urine: diluted, but he typically drinks an insane amount of water and the vet said that was probably why given his kidney and liver seemed to be functioning normally. She also said there were trace amounts of blood, but that the urine was extracted with a needle so that could have been the cause. No trace of a UTI
• ultrasound: no fluid in body cavity, nothing of concern to her from the lungs down. She said his atrium was very slightly enlarged but she isn’t overly trained on cardiovascular health and said it wasn’t so severe that she could 100% say it was a problem. She also couldn’t detect a heart murmur
• x-rays (pictures in comments): They said he seemed to have deterioration in his upper spine along his rib cage, likely arthritis and it was likely causing him chronic pain. They said one of his lungs seemed to have a mucus plug (?) that was preventing air from entering part of it. There was also mention of gas in his belly, but that he could have just been inhaling during the imaging.

She sent him home with an albuteral inhaler, gabapentin for pain, and a steroid to help with clearing out his lungs. They also gave him some opioid shot at the vet to calm him down (it started with a T). She said to follow up with my primary vet to see about pain management.
Now, here’s my question for you guys:
While we were there, she noticed Mister doing something with his head that she said could possibly be seizure activity (video in comments). He’s done it occasionally since I got him, and the rescue said they believed it was him coughing trying to clear his airways. In essence, it’s this sort of head bobbing, blinking, ‘coughing’ thing that usually only lasts a few seconds at a time and is typically followed up with a final big cough.
After we got home from the vet, about five minutes after I let him out of the cage, I heard a thud come from the bathroom and ran in to find him on his back between the tub and the toilet sort of twitching. I pulled him out of the crack to see him better (just slid him) and as soon as I touched him he came to. He still had that dazed look on his face, but sat on the rug and just stared off into space.
Ive sat with him all day and all night, and these little episodes have continued.
Usually he’s just sitting in one place, staring off, then his body jerks and he falls over, shaking for only a second or two, then stands up and continues staring. In the last several hours it’s been accompanied by a sudden… growl? Right before it happens. It sounds like a growl he’d give as a warning to buzz off if he’s getting annoyed with the vet or someone holding him.
Id say he’s had the fainting spells probably ten times since we got home yesterday. The head shaking thing probably just as many.
He’s fallen over in the past in similar ways, but my previous vets said it was likely only the declawing and/or coughing making him lose his balance. Looking back, I’m wondering if this was seizure activity?
Before yesterday I probably only happened once or twice a month, and he was totally fine as soon as it was over.
I’m going to call the ER doctor when she starts her shift in a few hours, but I was hoping for some guidance from Reddit. We already dropped half of our available funds to get him the first ER visit and I want to make sure the other half is spent correctly.
Any guidance or words of wisdom are truly appreciated.

this is my first time posting about my story. im often too scared to. im 23 f, previously healthy. this is lengthy but i just need to talk.
1 month ago i developed pneumonia that urgent care believed to be bacterial. they only listened to my lungs. i got antibiotics and was told id be better in 5 days. my fever didn’t go away on the antibiotics and i started to get scared because it was supposed to be gone in 2 days. day 4 i went to the ER and i was told i was very dehydrated and got iv fluids. very low potassium and calcium. i was then discharged and told my fever should go away. immediately after discharge i felt something was still off. i developed a weird pain in my back that got worse. i went to the ER after an hour and they treated me with steroids, iv magnesium, regular iv. they also did an EKG which turned out normal. i was discharged later in the night. i felt good for 3 days then my temperature returned and my back pain was really bad and getting worse. my pain was so bad i wasn’t able to sleep and i couldn’t lay down. i go to the ER again and my temperature is high, heart rate is high, respiration is high. bp was also super high the whole time. i was told i meet criteria for sepsis and theyre going to get cultures on me. cultures ended up being negative. they still put sepsis as a diagnosis and i don’t think it impacted any of my organs. they also believed i had a pulmonary embolism. i was in so much pain i couldn’t lay down for the ct scan of my chest. i couldn’t breathe or stop shaking. the results came out inconclusive of the ct scan. i was admitted to the hospital in the step down unit. so the next day they do an ultrasound of my heart and legs. heart ultrasound came out good but they found a small DVT in my calf!!! they also determined my pneumonia was viral. i was being treated with antibiotics and blood thinners. for the pain i was given norco and a strong version of tylenol (forget what its called). i was in the hospital for 2 and a half days. im now on 5mg of eliquis twice a day for 6 months and 10 mg of propranolol twice a day indefinitely (for anxiety and bp/tachycardia).
its just been so scary. i was previously healthy. i was anemic and have dealt with that on and off for 10 years from my period so maybe it caused my immune system to be weaker? i just cant believe this all happened. i check my temperature and heart rate constantly and count my respiration. i had super severe health anxiety before this that ive been in therapy for 2 years for and it had gotten better but now im back at square one. funnily enough sepsis was one of my biggest fears. im constantly anxious and i feel like my life and future is doomed. im so scared to get sepsis again.

The internet fitness space has been so overcomplicated, a lot s beginners develop fomo & shit, they don't realise how easy it is to build a decent amount of muscle on your starting years. I have been there researching the best Diet/program possible, it got me nowhere. So, here it is, what worked for me and my friends

• You need to focus on these 5 things in descending order : Hormones, Vitamins & Minerals, 8 hr Sleep daily, Macros, Actually Working Out

Nothing else to focus on
I am not going to give workout advice in this guide. Newbies can get shit ton of muscle even with unproper training as long as the factors below are perfect. Then once they are not newbies anymore they can improve their programs for even better gains.

1 Nutrition & Lifestyle

Your nutrition & lifestyle are 100x more important than workouts. Sure, you can get a decent amount of muscle with the 'if it fits your macros' mentality, but why do that when you can focus on your nutrition more and get much more muscle along with health benefits? Here are some nutritional nutritions

1. Realise that fad diets like keto carnivore paleo are for people with a condition/high body fat or those who don't take working out seriously, these diets will get you nowhere for actual muscle growth as they are notorious for being low carb. Carbs are important for Optimal testosterone production & hormone balance, increasing free testosterone & of course energy.
   
2. Focus on essential Vitamins & Minerals (micros) instead of macros, as by God's grace foods with top Tier micronutrient profiles are rich in Proteins & Fats. The 'recommended daily amount' (rda) for a micro is for not causing a deficiency, you need to be in surplus of rda for most of your Vitamins & Minerals.
   
3. Get a decent surplus of these micros :
   

• Vitamin A (Focus on Animal sources instead of plant sources for active form, like Whole Egg, Liver (best source) & Cheese. Retinol has more uses in body apart from eyes)
  
• Vitamin B Complex (Eating Meat, Fish & Eggs will get you anabolic levels of all Vitamin b except Thiamine (b1) as Pork is not consumed in india)
  
• Choline (Eat your damn whole Eggs man, Choline is so underrated)
  
• Vitamin C (Eat your fruits & vegetables, in moderation of course, you dont want to get high amounts of fructose from fruits & oxalates from veggies. Focus on cruciferous vegetables whuch generally have low oxalates. Vitamin C protects your balls, literally, by reducing oxidative stress, inflammation)
  
• Vitamin D (this is where it gets difficult as even from sunlight it is hard to get good levels of Vitamin D, forget about getting it from dietary sources, but this shouldn't stop you from getting your morning sunlight DAILY. UVB light, and mushrooms dried in uvb light or even Normal sunlight may help. Vitamin D is literally a hormone, it is the single most important vitamin for bodybuilding.)
  
• Vitamin E (also becomes difficult as the best source of this testosterone boosting Vitamin are Nuts & Seeds which are notorious for having phytic Acid, which reduces nutrient absorption. Always soak your Nuts and seeds,and eat in moderation. Get cronometer app and check your micros there to be sure you are getting tons of this shit)
  
• Vitamin K (Focus on K2 from animal sources rather than k1 from plant sources, eat your hard cheeses & whole Eggs. Much more beneficial than calcium for bone health.)
  
• Boron (This shit has long lasting impacts on testosterone production and liberation. You need well over 5 mg Boron for impacts. Raisins have the most Boron, upto 3 mg per 100g. Avocados also have a lot, 3 mg per 1 Avocado. Apricots, Almonds & some other Nuts also have decent amount. Focus on eating small amounts of some of these foods daily to get atleast 5-6 mg boron)
  
• Zinc (My research on Zinc made me hate the Indian Diet even more, controversial, but the average Indian Diet, even a non vegetarian one can cause Zinc deficiency, when it's the most important mineral by far, increasing testosterone ten fold, promoting prostate health, useful for reaching 8 hr sleep mark daily, and it has 100s of other benefits. It is commonly found in oysters & Red Meat. But seeing as Red Meat is not so common in India, I don't know why though as Red Meats like beef & lamb have the most nu-trition out of any food in the world, and oysters being expensive, you can get decent amount of Zinc from chicken thighs)
  
• Copper (Not that much benefits for bodybuilding other than countering high Zinc levels. Zinc-copper Ratio is important to prevent stuff like hair loss. It is found in variety of foods)
  
• Magnesium (Extremely underutilized mineral, most bodybuilders flock on Supplements for this one. The best dietary source is dark Greens & seeds, but due to high oxalates from former and high phytic Acid from latter, would recommend getting them from Cruciferous vegetables & Meats instead. You cannot afford to be deficient in magnesium, up there with Zinc as the minerals with most anabolic effects & 8 hr sleep mark)
  
• Selenium (won't need to worry about it, just eat your Eggs, Meat & Fish to have extra Heavy amounts of selenium)
  
• Potassium (The most important electrolyte by far for energy & hydration. I made this list focusing on testosterone but energy & hydration is equally important. You need well over 4700 mg Potassium Daily, and most people don't even get 2500 mg, due to poor Diet. Account for sweat as upto 500 mg Potassium can be lost from sweat due to long Intense workouts or prolonged sunlight exposure. Like i always say, get the damn cronometer. Bananas are a shit source of Potassium, only 300-500 mg per banana depending on size, instead focus on avocados, meats, fish, greens. Trust me you really dont want to dose on 4 or 5 bananas daily to get decent amounts of potassium, 1 or 2 is still fine but you need to manage your fructose.)
  
• Iodine (what's the point in building muscle if your thyroid is not proper, eat your damn eggs & cheeses!)
  
• Other Micros like Manganese, Calcium, Phosphorus, folate, Iron, Vitamin k1, sodium and whatever I missed are very important for overall health, do NOT neglect them, but they don't do much for testosterone and bodybuilding in general.
  

2 The Best Diet

• A Diet that requires you to take Supplements to manage micronutrient balance is bad. We all know how expensive & adulterated that shit is. Sorry fellow vegans, keto, carnivore, paleo, pescatarian enjoyers, your diet can get you somewhere but is deficient in a few extremely important Vitamins & Minerals. In fact these fad diets except the vegan Diet neglect an important macro which is Carbs. Some people think Carbs = bad, which is not the case. Fat people and skinny fat people should keep keto level Carbs before afternoon/evening workout, then eat tons of carbs post workout to not impact insulin sensitivity. Insulin is hyperactive in morning, you can gain a lot of fat by eating carb foods in morning. Except Fiber, don't consume any carb before workout if you fat/skinny fat. For fat and skinny fat people, I recommend reducing Rice and Wheat intake, and consuming them post workout.
  
• The Pedestal of foods : Whole Egg, Meat & Fish
  

I eat 6 boiled Eggs a day, no cholesterol problems at all. Also eat tons of chicken Thighs and eat a can of Sardines. This can get you upto 130g+ Proteins & 80g+ fats easily, which is why people don't need to worry about macros, worry about micros instead. These 3 foods are nutrient dense, get cronometer, plug in these, just check their micro profile.
Other foods you need to eat :

• Cruciferous Vegetables (I recommend cauliflower, Cabbage, fermented vegetables, arugula, broccoli)
• Fruits (except Avocados, consume fruit in moderation due to fructose, I recommend Pineapples (it has enzymes which improve digestion), Watermelon (has L-citrulline which slightly increases the pump), Dry fruits (especially Raisins & apricots for the boron), and that's it. You can do Avocado cycles instead of steroid cycles, it will do much better.)
• Fatty foods (Avocado, Butter, cheese, extra virgin olive oil FTW)
• Grains (Increase grain amount only if you bulking, if you are in weight loss you can completely eliminate them or eat them post workout)
• Dairy (Cheese is much more loaded with micros than milk, but milk is better for bulking. The only dairy I recommend is milk & Cheese with Butter or ghee)

Foods you should be careful of :

• Fructose sugar (Will probably cause fatty liver & make you fat if you consume lot of fruits. Many people think fruits are healthier than other carbs but the fructose makes it worse. This is why you should eat the best of the best fruits and not apples or mangoes so that you consume less and get more. Ex. Pineapple, Watermelon, Raisins, i only consume these 3 fruits to get my vitamin c, digestive enzymes, l citrulline & boron. But avocados, man this fruit is op, no fructose, tons of healthy fat, and good amount of boron & potassium)
• Seed oils/ vegetables oils (found in junk food, use extra virgin olive oil instead of the random ass cooking oils in your home)
• High oxalate foods (Research mixed on this one, just see how your body responds with foods like Spinach, beets, Potatoes, nut butters and all, then change stuff in your diet wrt that)
• High phytic Acid foods (as much as I love Nuts they need to be consumed in moderation, limit to 5 soaked Nuts per day, 10 is the maximum. Whole grains can be completely eliminated, they usually are loaded with phytic acid & toxic metals)
• Foods loaded with Toxic Metals (Predatory Fishes, Dark Chocolate, Brown Rice, Brown Bread)
• Plastic (I know it's not a food, but still avoid using plastic boxes, containers, and shit like that)
  
• Best tip of the day : get the fkin cronometer, you don't need premium you can work well with free version, I am not sponsoring this shit just just get an app that allows you to track your micros, you do not need to overuse it every day, just check if you are getting your Vitamins & Minerals, and of course macros.
  

So, in summary - Focus on your Hormones, by Hormones I mean managing stress (cortisol) as it destroys your testosterone, focus on your testosterone, manage insulin levels especially if you are in weight loss / body recomp - Eggs, Meat & Fish are part and parcel of bodybuilding, as there is no substitute for each of the three. The ridiculous amounts of Eggs and Meat you need to eat can be worrisome due to the packed cholesterol, you need to realise your body isn't stupid and lowers production of cholesterol if you're already getting it from dietary sources. Worry about cholesterol only if you are by definition overweight. - Macro Goals : - For high quality proteins focus on Eggs Meat & Fish. - For monounsaturated Fats (the king of lipids) focus on Olive Oil, Avocados, Eggs, Fish, Meat. Most of your fat calories should come from this. - For saturated Fats focus on Eggs, Meat, dairy, preferably the hard cheeses. This should contribute the 2nd highest fat calories. - For polyunsaturated fats (pufas), completely abandon using those lanky ass cooking oils & eating burgers & pizzas all day, too much pufas is detrimental to health, you can get enough pufas from Eggs, Meat & Fish. Fish actually has the better pufa which is Omega 3 (dha), and I would have to say Omega 3 from Fish and Omega 3 from other foods is not the same. Dha is only found in fatty Fishes, you need it for controlling inflammation, and it is also anabolic as fuck compared to Omega 3s and Omega 6s from shit like oils and seeds. - For carbs keep it simple : white Rice, White bread, dairy, fruits. If you bulking atleast 50% of your calories should come from carbs. If not focus on lowering carbs and increasing protein, keep your carbs for post workout and don't dose on chapatis, eat easily digested food like white rice & liquids.

• Try to implement changes in your diet Gradually, like adding Zinc rich foods and Boron rich foods first as most of you are probably deficient in these, then Magnesium & Potassium, removing cooking oils and junk food, and just like that. This is a journey, not a decision.

None of my blood tests have ever shown any deficiency. My doctor still insists i’m a healthy 36 year old male. Even still i have been housebound for nearly a year with severe physical fatigue, joint and body pains, chills, cold sweats and nausea. I’m just taking them since i heard they help with CFS. None of these vitamins and supplements have helped. Recently i have stopped taking all except D3, B complex and occasional NAC if i take tylenol for pain.
What i have tried:
Vitamin D3, B1, B12, Magnesium Malate and Bisglycinate, NAD+, Ubiquinol CoQ10, NAC, Calcium Citrate, Sodium Chloride and Potassium for POTS, Ginseng tea, Ashwaganda for adrenaline dumps, Omega 3-6-9, ALA, Lysine amino acid, d-ribose, acetyl l-carnitine, multi strain probiotics
I can comfortably say that during my past 2 years use none of these have had any other than depleting my bank account. My fatigue, pain levels, general malaise and GI issues are the same or maybe even worse. This is despite a low histamine diet and cutting out alcohol and caffeine.

I'm a 20-year-old college student who is currently homeless and in need of legitimate resources to help me get back on my feet. Around March of this year, I underwent my yearly checkup, and my blood work revealed that my blood sugar level was at 458. My doctor advised me to go to the ER in the medical district of Houston, Texas. After undergoing further blood work, it was discovered that my blood sugar level was in the 600s and that I was deficient in potassium and several other minerals. I was taken to two hospitals and eventually ended up in the ICU for four days to correct multiple issues. I had five IV drips and two needles in both arms, and my blood was drawn every 30 minutes because it was acidic.
While I was in the hospital, I lost my insurance (My Healthy Texas Women's Medicaid) within two days, and I applied for Texas Gold Card insurance but haven't received any response yet. Prior to being diagnosed with diabetes, I had contracted COVID-19 in 2022 and had been experiencing health problems for some time, despite having regular checkups that appeared normal to the doctors. I had been expressing my concerns about my health for years to no avail, except for my big cousin, who is a healthcare worker and noticed my symptoms several months ago.
During Thanksgiving, I cut off half of my finger and fainted. I was experiencing symptoms such as frequent urination, fizzy urine, fainting, excessive sleep, dry mouth, bruised feet/legs, fruity breath, cravings for sweets/carbs, confusion, brain fog, saying random things, leg cramps/numbness, sleep paralysis, blackouts, and feeling tired, hot, hungry, and thirsty. On top of all this, I'm also dealing with stress and depression due to my home life. Whenever I try to improve my life, it seems to get worse.
Right now, my main priority is to get health insurance as soon as possible, along with the necessary resources and medication. I need to see an endocrinologist in Austin, Texas, and get a CGM device to monitor my blood sugar levels, which can be too high or too low at times. I haven't worked before, so I need to get a checkup and a device in order to go back to school or start working. I will provide more details later, but for now, I'm not feeling well, even though my blood sugar levels are within range.

I did Keto for 5 years from 2017 to December 2022.
I had to stop in December because my body was releasing it’s sodium at an abnormal rate and it’s gotten worse since then.
Even today as I eat a carb diet, my sodium needs are abnormally high. 15k -20k a day even with proper electrolyte supplementation.
I’ve been to the doctor numerous times, my blood work and kidneys are normal. Everything is normal. The doctors are confused as to what is causing this excessive dehydration.
Sipping electrolytes only mildly helps, I need to actually eat electrolyte dense food to hydrate myself. If I don’t consume that much sodium, I feel dry, dehydrated and Keto Flu symptoms like insomnia, moodiness, anxiety etc. come.
I’m assuming food helps because the insulin helps to push the electrolytes into my body…?
From what I understand, low insulin is what causes our bodies to release sodium. I’ve noticed when I fast (skip breakfast) the dehydration is much worse. Fasting all day is pretty much impossible or I’d feel super dry, dehydrated, and terrible.
Eating 3 meals a day seems to help with feeling more hydrated.
So it has to be insulin related right? One of my kidney doctors said maybe the excess sodium intake is what is making my body excrete so much of it… but if I don’t take in that much I get Keto flu symptoms so how would I even fix it 🤣
I think what caused this was I was fasting for 8 months, eating 1 meal a day. I was only supplementing sodium (a few cups of broth a day) and magnesium. No potassium except what I got from food… everything was fine until I did that. I think that threw my electrolytes out of wack.
The dehydration slowly got worse, slowly needing more and more broth every day before my meal but I wasn’t realizing it at the time.
Low carb and fasting create a diuretic effect… maybe if I do the opposite, eat every 3 hrs and spike insulin often. Maybe I can slowly tell my body to stop releasing so much sodium?
I haven’t encountered anyone else that has this problem even though I’ve googled it many times.
Anyone have any ideas on what could be causing an excessive diuretic effect and how could I go about reversing it because my labs have all come back normal numerous times…